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MUSIC

The 25 Best Rage Against the Machine Songs

From funky, radical bombtracks to incendiary covers, here are the rap-metal masters' finest moments

DAN EPSTEIN, ANDY GREENE, KORY GROW, DANIEL KREPS, HANK SHTEAMER

WHEN RAGE AGAINST the Machine emerged in the early Nineties, there was no other band even remotely like them. They not only fused rock with rap at a time when there was a stark divide between the two genres, but their radical lyrics called for a political revolution during the supposedly peaceful decade after the Cold War and before 9/11. This was a time when most bands were looking inward toward their own pain, not outward to the struggles of minorities in America and people living under oppressive regimes across the globe.

“It was one of those rare instances when the planets just lined up right and the alchemy of musical magic and history just poured out,” Chuck D recalled of Rage in 2016. “I saw them in concert [early on], and what I remember most is how wiped-out the crowd was afterwards. I had never seen a place destroyed; sweat and blood on the walls. The fucking tables were turned over and rafters pulled down. It was crazy. They’re the Led Zeppelin of our time.”

Rage broke up in 2000 and left behind just three albums of original material, but those songs aged remarkably well during the chaos and tumult of the past two decades. And when they announced a reunion tour, which finally kicks off July 7 after several pandemic-related delays, tickets sold out with remarkable speed. There’s no hint that they’ve recorded any new music, but they really have no need to. They somehow created the soundtrack for our time a quarter-century ago. Here, we count down their 25 greatest songs.

‘Darkness’ (1994)

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One of Rage’s earliest and most incisive songs, “Darkness” first showed up on the band’s self-titled 1991 demo tape before it got a major-label makeover — complete with one of Morello’s most chaotic, acrobatic solos — for its inclusion on the soundtrack to 1994 Brandon Lee movie The Crow. Originally titled “Darkness of Greed,” the song, which toggles between mellowed-out jazz funk and steely metallic groove, likened the spread of AIDS in Africa — and the U.S. government’s “procrastination” toward stemming the virus — as genocide. “They say, ‘We’ll kill them off, take their land, and go there for vacation,'” de la Rocha whispers on the track. —D.K.

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‘How I Could Just Kill a Man’ (2000)

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On “How I Could Just Kill a Man,” Cypress Hill’s first single and first hit, rappers B-Real and Sen Dog traded verses about “takin’ out some putos” with a Magnum and making young punks pay. Their funky tableaus of terror built to the sort of wanton observation that would make any mother shudder: “Here is something you can’t understand — how I could just kill a man.” When Rage Against the Machine covered the track for Renegades, de la Rocha took all the verses for himself while Morello and bassist Tim Commerford (or “tim.com,” as he billed himself on the record) ratcheted up the noise to deafening levels on the chorus. “The first Cypress Hill record and [Public Enemy’s] It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back were two of the biggest hip-hop influences on Rage Against the Machine,” tim.com later told Rolling Stone.Rage might not have killed a man, but they definitely laid a few speakers to rest with their rendition. —K.G.

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‘Maggie’s Farm’ (2000)

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Bob Dylan was saying goodbye to the folk world when he wrote “Maggie’s Farm” in 1965, and it’s very tempting to read some of the lyrics as an angry kiss-off to folkies who wanted him to remain stuck in the past. “Well, I try my best to be just like I am,” he sneered. “But everybody wants you to be just like them/They sing while you slave and I just get bored.” When Rage tackled the song for their 2000 covers collection, Renegades, they were also at a crossroads of sorts. Communication lines between members were breaking down, and when de la Rocha sang “I ain’t gonna work at Maggie’s Farm no more,” he might as well have been putting in notice that he was done with the band itself. —A.G.

‘War Within a Breath’ (1999)

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“War Within a Breath” closes out Rage’s final LP of original material, 1999’s The Battle of Los Angeles, and it’s somehow fitting that these are the last notes we’ve heard to date of the band’s unmistakable sound. It’s an extremely on-brand tune that touches on everything from the Zapatismo movement to the Palestinian Intifada. Simply put, it sums up the entire Rage ethos in three and a half minutes. “Every official that comes in, cripples us, leaves us maimed,” de la Rocha roars. “Silent and tamed/And with our flesh and bones, he builds his homes/Southern fist, rise through the jungle mist.” —A.G.

‘Settle for Nothing’ (1992)

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Rage’s self-titled debut was more or less a 52-minute onslaught, which is why “Settle for Nothing” — the album’s most understated track and maybe the closest thing the band ever did to a power ballad — stands out so starkly. Over an eerily somber riff with shades of Metallica’s “One,” de la Rocha narrates the inner monologue of a desperate kid who chooses the cold comfort of gang life (“I’ve got a nine, a sign, a set, and now I got a name …”) over the trauma of a broken and abusive home. His voice rises to a livid howl (“Death is on my side … suicide!”) as the band blasts into a sinister Black Flag–meets–Black Sabbath wallop. The delicate filigree of Morello’s clean-toned solo suggests a warped spin on cocktail jazz — a quietly arresting sonic lament for the grim cycle of violence the song portrays. —H.S.

‘Microphone Fiend’ (2000)

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Rage kicked off their covers album, Renegades, with an ultra-heavy rendition of Eric B. and Rakim’s hip-hop anthem “Microphone Fiend.” Where the original sampled Average White Band’s funky guitar intro to “School Boy Crush,” Morello summons his own devastating wah-wah fury for Rage’s version, while bassist Commerford does most of the heavy lifting in the riff department. De la Rocha edited the lyrics to give the tune more of a rock chorus, and in a rare show of hip-hop humility, he side-stepped the lines Rakim wrote to shout himself out. The makeover translated to a direct rap-rock hit showing how smooth operators really do operate correctly for a heavy E-F-F-E-C-T. —K.G.

‘Calm Like a Bomb’ (1999)

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“Hope lies in the smoldering rubble of empires,” spits de la Rocha on this blistering highlight from The Battle of Los Angeles,perfectly summing up the RATM ethos in a single line before setting his sights on the global plight of the underclass. (“Stroll through the shanties and the cities’ remains/The same bodies buried hungry/But with different last names.”) And speaking of smoldering, “Calm Like a Bomb” finds Morello offering up a veritable master class in the use of the DigiTech Whammy pedal, conjuring impossibly sick and searing waves of undulating noise from his guitar. —D.E.

‘The Ghost of Tom Joad’ (2000)

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Rage Against the Machine were opening up for U2 on 1997’s PopMart stadium tour when they first played Bruce Springsteen’s “The Ghost of Tom Joad.” The original recording is a somber tale of urban poverty that Springsteen delivers in a hushed, resigned tone, but Rage present it like a lost song from the Evil Empire sessions — complete with a crushing Morello riff that bears little resemblance to the folky source material, yet still fits perfectly. The version worked so well that Rage kept it in their live set until they split three years later, making it the most-played cover song in their live repertoire by a huge margin. It also appeared on their 2000 covers collection, Renegades. And in 2008, Morello guested with Springsteen and the E Street Band to play a more traditional version of the song. Morello even became a temporary E Street–er in 2014, when Steve Van Zandt had to miss a tour to film his show Lillyhammer. The idea of Morello playing in the E Street Band would have seemed pretty far-fetched circa 1997, but time can make strange things happen. —A.G.

‘Born of a Broken Man’ (1999)

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One of the most emotional and evocative songs in the RATM catalog, this standout track from The Battle of Los Angeles finds de la Rocha musing on the mental-health struggles endured by his father, the influential Chicano artist Beto de la Rocha. With Morello’s guitar ringing like a mournful church bell, lyrics like “His thoughts like a hundred moths/Trapped in a lampshade/Somewhere within/Their wings banging and burning/On through the endless night” are unforgettably haunting — but so, too, is the younger de la Rocha’s defiant mantra of refusal to suffer the same fate. “Born of a broken man,” he insists, “Never a broken man.” —D.E.

‘Wake Up’ (1992)

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In six funky minutes, Rage Against the Machine unpack decades of institutional racism within the U.S. government on “Wake Up,” a deep cut off their self-titled debut. De la Rocha lambastes former FBI director J. Edgar Hoover and his policies, condemning the way the government targeted Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. for protesting Vietnam and claiming it murdered Malcolm X “and tried to blame it on Islam.” “He turned the power to the have-nots,” the singer says, “and then came the shot.” The track ends with de la Rocha screaming “Wake up!” eight times in a row (a climax that, taken out of context, fits perfectly in the final scene of The Matrix) and a quote from King: “How long? Not long, ’cause what you reap is what you sow.” —K.G.

‘Year of tha Boomerang’ (1996)

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“Year of tha Boomerang” marked the first preview of the band’s much-anticipated sophomore album, having been featured — as “Year of the Boomerang” — on the soundtrack for John Singleton’s 1994 film, Higher Learning, more than 18 months before Evil Empire’s release. Inspired by a quote from French anti-imperialist Frantz Fanon, the song offered a crash course on the “doctrines of the right” that de la Rocha would further rage against on Evil Empire: imperialism, the oppression of both minorities’ and women’s rights, and genocide, all punctuated by Morello’s screeching riot-siren riff. —D.K.

‘Sleep Now in the Fire’ (1999)

RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE/YOUTUBE

One of Professor de la Rocha’s greatest social-studies dissertations, “Sleep Now in the Fire” traces how American avarice has decimated Third World countries, as well as marginalized people at home. “The party blessed me with its future,” he sings, playing the role of a Washington bigwig, “and I protect it with fire.” When the chorus comes with its elastic Morello riff, de la Rocha sarcastically encourages the oppressed peoples he’s singing about to “sleep now in the fire.” Later, he ominously catalogs the legacy of imperialism, slavery, and deadly force underlying the American myth, vowing, “I am the Niña, the Pinta, the Santa Maria/The noose and the rapist, the fields’ overseer/The agents of orange, the priests of Hiroshima.” In 2000, the band shot the song’s video on the steps of the New York Stock Exchange (without permission) and in one portentous moment, the camera captured someone in the crowd holding a “Donald J. Trump for President 2000” sign. In 2020, Morello joked, “I would say that we are karmically entirely responsible [for Trump running for president], and my apologies.” —K.G.

‘Maria’ (1999)

TIM MOSENFELDER/GETTY IMAGES

Marrying one of Morello’s weightiest riffs to one of de la Rocha’s most vividly devastating portraits of injustice, this Battle of Los Angeles deep cut demonstrates how the band just kept sharpening its attack all the way through its original lifespan. De la Rocha tells the story of Maria, a Mexican woman smuggled into the U.S. as “human contraband” and put to work in a sweatshop, where she finds herself at the mercy of an abusive foreman. Eventually she chooses a grisly suicide on the job over being treated “like cattle.” The song frames Maria as a kind of martyr figure, her story a constant reminder of North America’s long cycle of oppression and exploitation: “And through history’s rivers of blood she regenerates/And like the sun disappears only to reappear, Maria, she’s eternally here.” The song makes masterful use of dynamics, dipping down to a hush as de la Rocha recites the prior lines, and then explodes into a full-force stomp, with Morello’s swaggering, irrepressible guitar line symbolizing Maria’s phoenix-like rebirth. —H.S.

‘Vietnow’ (1996)

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Before Fox News brainwashed a generation of TV viewers who Alex Jones then pushed down the Q tunnel, Rage Against the Machine took aim at the insidious presence of right-wing talk radio on the Evil Empire cut “Vietnow.” With microphone fixed on Rush Limbaugh and the duplicitous Christian right, de la Rocha throws lyrical barbs like “Let’s capture this AM mayhem, undressed and blessed by the Lord,” “Terror’s the product you push,” “The sheep tremble and here come the votes,” and, on the chorus, “Fear is your only god on the radio/Nah, fuck it, turn it off.” The final single from Evil Empire, “Vietnow” served as an AM/FM foil of sorts to The Battle of Los Angeles’ first single “Guerrilla Radio” three years later, a track that demanded the listener “Turn that shit up.” —D.K.

‘Bullet in the Head’ (1992)

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Rage wrote “Bullet in the Head” just as America was declaring victory in the Gulf War, a conflict that Americans watched in real time on CNN and supported in overwhelming numbers. To de la Rocha, the made-for-TV war was a sham designed to benefit the military-industrial complex, and anyone who bought into it was a zombie brainwashed by the media. To put it another way, their brains had been hit with propaganda bullets. “They say jump and ya say how high,” he screams on the song. “Ya gotta fuckin’ bullet in ya head.” When introducing the song at an early concert, he made his point even clearer. “This song is about being an individual, about searching and finding new information,” he said, “and using your strength as an individual to attack systems like America who continue to rob and rape and murder people in the name of freedom.” —A.G.

‘Down Rodeo’ (1996)

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This Evil Empire highlight uses Rodeo Drive, Beverly Hills’ glitziest shopping district, as a launching pad for de la Rocha’s bitter musings on consumerism, wealth disparity, and socioeconomic segregation: “So now I’m rollin’ down Rodeo with a shotgun,” he raps, before delivering an even harsher follow-up: “These people ain’t seen a brown-skin man since their grandparents bought one.” Filled with bracing couplets like “Can’t waste a day/When the night brings a hearse/So make a move and plead the Fifth/‘Cause you can’t plead the First,” and harnessed to a powerful, swaggering groove, “Down Rodeo” also features some synth-like glitch bursts from Morello’s multi-pronged guitar, which prods the music until it finally gives way to de la Rocha’s anguished whisper. “Just a quiet peaceful dance for the things we’ll never have,” he laments as the track fades out. —D.E.

‘Freedom’ (1992)

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With one of the best guitar riffs this side of Black Sabbath’s Tony Iommi, “Freedom” calls for the release of Leonard Peltier, a Native American activist serving two life sentences for the deaths of two FBI agents in 1975. Peltier has always maintained his innocence. “Freedom, yeah!” de la Rocha screams at the end of the song before sarcastically revising the lyric to, “Freedom, yeah right!” In the song’s video, during the breakdown, the group displayed the words “We demand and support the request that Leonard Peltier … be released. Justice has not been done.” “To me, the reaction to the music and things like the ‘Freedom’ video are very encouraging,” de la Rocha said in 1996. “I know that some people look at us as just rabble-rousing or ranting or whining. But I think a lot of that reflects the cynicism that people have when it comes to dealing with political problems.… What we are trying to show is that people can make a difference … that we aren’t all powerless.” —K.G.

‘Testify’ (1999)

RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE/YOUTUBE

“Testify” was the opening salvo from Rage’s third LP, The Battle of Los Angeles, which Rolling Stone deemed as the Best Album of 1999. Originally titled “Hendrix” when the song debuted live due to its usage of a “Purple Haze” chord — “I recently found out that Jimi Hendrix used to play a song called ‘Testify’ when he was a backing musician for the Isley Brothers. It all comes full circle,” Morello later quipped to Guitar World — “Testify” later transformed into an outlet criticizing the impending 2000 presidential election, a showdown where both candidates — George W. Bush and Al Gore — seemed to spout the same capitalist ideology. The song’s music video, directed by documentarian Michael Moore, reflected this pre-election anxiety; eerily prescient, the clip also concludes with a quote by Ralph Nader, who later played an unfortunately crucial role in the 2000 election, as the presence of the Green Party candidate is often blamed for throwing the presidency to Bush. —D.K.

‘Take the Power Back’ (1992)

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This funky blast from Rage Against the Machine went Public Enemy (and the Isley Brothers) one better, not only encouraging us to fight the powers that be, but reminding us that the power was actually ours in the first place. Three decades before the 1619 Project, de la Rocha decried the Eurocentric teachings of U.S. schools — “One-sided stories for years and years and years/I’m inferior?/Who’s inferior?/Yeah, we need to check the interior/Of the system that cares about only one culture” — over the fiery interplay of Brad Wilk’s slamming drums, Tim Commerford’s slinky, slap-driven bass lines, and Tom Morello’s stabbing chords. —D.E.

‘Bombtrack’ (1992)

RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE/YOUTUBE

Rage Against the Machine wasted no time getting down to serious business on their self-titled 1992 debut, opening the proceedings with this confrontational track. Though the official video for “Bombtrack” would salute the guerilla group Sendero Luminoso (or “Shining Path”) for its 13-year fight against Peru’s oppressive U.S.-backed government, the hard-grooving song itself lays out the band’s stance in broader terms, pledging solidarity with all indigenous peoples who have been abused, exploited, and slaughtered on the altar of imperialism. “Enough/I call the bluff/Fuck Manifest Destiny,” Zack de la Rocha cries. “Landlords and power whores/On my people/They took turns/Dispute the suits/I ignite and then watch ‘em burn.” —D.E.

‘People of the Sun’ (1996)

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Inspired by the 1994 Zapatista uprising in Chiapas, “People of the Sun” prophesies a new day for the descendants of the Aztecs, invoking the civilization’s final emperor — “The fifth sun sets/Get back/Reclaim/The spirit of Cuauhtémoc/Alive and untamed” — while serving up angry reminders of both Spain’s 16th-century conquest of Mexico and the racism-driven Zoot Suit Riots of 1940s Los Angeles. Clocking in at only two minutes and 30 seconds, “People of the Sun” is the shortest song in the entire RATM catalog, but its compact burst of furious intensity makes it the perfect opener for 1996’s Evil Empire. —D.E.

‘Guerilla Radio’ (1999)

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When guerrilla wars waged throughout the Latin American world in the Eighties, many of the combatants used underground radio stations like Radio Venceremos in El Salvador to communicate and show solidarity with each other. The leadoff single to Rage’s 1999 LP, The Battle of Los Angeles, draws a direct comparison between those guerrilla radio stations and the band’s own efforts to build a fan base when Top 40 radio and other mainstream outlets never went near their work. The song came out just as the 2000 election was beginning to heat up, and it castigates both of the major candidates. “More for Gore or the son of a drug lord,” de la Rocha raps. “None of the above/Fuck it, cut the cord.” The song concludes with a furious call for a revolution. “It has to start somewhere, it has to start sometime/What better place than here, what better time than now?” Had Rage stuck around through the post-9/11 era, things could have gotten really interesting. Sadly, Rage’s guerrilla radio network was silenced not long after this song hit. —A.G.

‘Know Your Enemy’ (1992)

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“Know Your Enemy” remains one of the most fiery moments in the whole Rage catalog: a quintessential pairing of a killer, upbeat Morello funk-metal riff with a furious de la Rocha anti-authoritarian manifesto, marked by lines like, “Cause I’ll rip the mic, rip the stage, rip the system/I was born to rage against ‘em.” (In case the object of his ire wasn’t clear, he later adds, “What? The land of the free? Whoever told you that is your enemy.”) Musically it’s one of the most diverse tracks in the band’s early canon, sporting an almost festive-sounding slap-bass-driven intro and a moody bridge featuring a memorable guest shriek from Tool frontman (and old Morello pal) Maynard James Keenan and percussion from Jane’s Addiction drummer Stephen Perkins. But the song’s brilliant climax comes around four minutes in, when Commerford’s bass grinds out the verse riff, Morello’s guitar comes in blaring out in an uncanny approximation of an emergency siren, and de la Rocha grunts “Come on!” as the band comes slamming back in — the perfect soundtrack to any act of, to quote one memorable line, “D, the E, the F, the I, the A, the N, the C, the E” you could possibly conceive. —H.S.

‘Killing in the Name’ (1992)

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In 1991, four white LAPD officers severely beat Rodney King, a Black man, while arresting him; when a jury acquitted those officers of using excessive force, Los Angeles exploded in riots. Zack de la Rocha channeled his outrage into the lyrics for “Killing in the Name,” a funky update of N.W.A’s “Fuck tha Police.” “Some of those that work forces/Are the same that burn crosses,” he chants repeatedly, condemning police racism and a cycle of above-the-law violence. He drills down on these themes as the song escalates, shouting “Those who died are justified for wearing the badge/They’re the chosen whites.” The song builds and builds until de la Rocha hollers, “Fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me,” 16 times in a row, topping one of history’s most incendiary protest songs. “After our second show ever, we had record-company interest in the band,” guitarist Tom Morello later recalled. “So these executives were coming down to our grimy studio in the San Fernando Valley.… I remember one of the executives squeaking after [‘Killing in the Name’] was done, ‘So is that the direction you’re heading in?'” —K.G.

‘Bulls on Parade’ (1996)

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Rage Against the Machine called their second LP Evil Empire, and many of the songs focused on American foreign policy. On “Bulls on Parade,” de la Rocha, accompanied by an ingeniously minimal Morello riff, aims his fire at the hypocrisy of D.C. policymakers. “Weapons not food, not homes, not shoes,” he roars. “Not need, just feed the war cannibal animal.” He also calls out politicians who pretend to be pro-family, but actually have a “pocket full of shells.” Near the end, Morello blasts off a career-defining guitar solo in which he replicates the sound of a record scratching. Taken as a whole, the track is perhaps the finest distillation of the the sonic Molotov cocktail that is Rage. Fittingly, one of the all-time great “Bulls” performances took place outside the Democratic National Convention in 2000, months before the group originally broke up. “Brothers and sisters, our electoral freedoms in this country are over so long as it’s controlled by corporations,” de la Rocha said before starting “Bulls on Parade.” “Brothers and sisters, we are not going to allow these streets to be taken over by Democrats or Republicans.” —A.G.

IN THIS ARTICLE:

Rage Against the Machine,

Tom Morello,

Zack de la Rocha

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bsdndprplplld · 2 years

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13 IX 2022

my euclidean geometry journey will be over soon and the start of the semester is so close, it's kinda scary

recently I stumbled upon someone's post with a time-lapse video of their study session. I liked it so much that I decided to make mine

this is me learning about the snake lemma and excision

the excision theorem is the hardest one in homology so far btw, I spent about 4 hours on it and I am barely halfway through. I like the idea of the proof tho, it's very intuitive actually: start simple and tangible, then complicate with each step lmao

I realized two things recently. one of them is that deeply studying theorems is important and effective. effective, uh? in what way? in exams we don't need to cite the whole proof, it suffices to say "the assertion follows from the X theorem"

yeah right, but my goal is to be a researcher, not a good test-taker, researchers create their own proofs and what's better than studying how others did it if I am for now unable to produce original content in math?

the second things is that I learned how to pay attention. I know, it sounds crazy, but I've been trying another ✨adhd medication✨ and after a while I realized that paying attention is exhausting, but this is the only way to really learn something new, not just repeat what I already know. it made me see how much energy and effort it takes to make good progress and that it is necessary to invest so much

I am slowly learning to control my attention, which brings a lot of hope, as I believed that I had to rely on random bouts of hyperfocus, before I started treatment. I am becoming more aware or how much I am focusing at the given moment and I'm trying to work on optimizing those levels. for instance, when I'm reading a chapter in a textbook for the first time, it is necessary to remember every single detail, but wanting to do so consumes a lot of energy, because it means paying constant attention. it is ineffective because most likely I will have to repeat the process a few more times before I truly retain everything. being able to actually pay attention at will sure does feel good tho, as if I had a new part of my brain unlocked

I am solving more exercises for algebraic topology, procrastinating my lecture prep lmao. I am supposed to talk about the power of a point and radical axes, I have a week left and I can't force myself to start, because there is so much good stuff to do instead

I have a dream to produce some original results in my bachelor's thesis. it may be very difficult, because I hardly know anything, that's why I'm calling it a dream, not a goal. the plan is to start writing at the end of the semester, submit sometime in june

I spent last week at the seminar on analysis and oh boi, I will have to think twice next time someone asks if I like analysis. the lecturer who taught me at uni had a different approach than the "classic" one. we did a little bit of differential geometry, Lie groups and de Rham cohomology, those are the things I like. meanwhile at the seminar it was mostly about analytic methods of PDEs, the most boring shit I have ever seen

complex analysis will most likely be enjoyable tho, I'm taking the course this semester

for the next few days I need to force myself to prep that damn geometry lecture. other than that I plan to keep solving the AT exercises and maybe learn some more commutative algebra. I wish everyone a pleasant almost-autumn day 🍁

#mathblr #studyblr #math

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v1olentdelights · 7 months

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grace i am so sorry for taking forever to reply. i just got caught up in life and whenever i tried to get to it i was so emotionally tired and wasn't in the mood in interaction but i'm answering it now again my apologies

exactly i understand that completely. it's like you can do it but you have to actually get yourself to do it since you don't want to but when you're done you feel much better like it's something not weighing you down. honestly mood i get the feeling of not wanting to do that one thing but i hope you finally did that and not procrastinated it too much.

it is and right now she's just finding another job and she plans to not go back because of the treatment they gave her so i think it's a good idea but i also understand where my mom is coming from with her giving a lot of money to a college where my sister kept changing something with what she wants to do so i get both sides. and it is a lot of money and to some people it is worth it in the end but for some people it could be a huge waste so i think it requires that leap of confidence to do it. that's actually very smart sitting in between people can be so awkward so getting there a few minutes earlier is a great idea and yep that is the only way to describe school!

grace that is a great suggestion!! you gave me something without realizing it lol. i'll keep that in mind and attempt to try that. currently i'm still working on the characters and vibes for the stories but i'm almost finished with the vibes and have already thought of some dialogue ideas.

oh my!! that's not great and grace i'm sorry to say this i think the skunks are stalking you or are maybe obsessed with you you might have to tell them to back off from a safe distance we don't want the skunks finding the place where you're staying or following you. that's great that they don't see you tho!! i still think they're obsessed with you i said what i said. and yes!! no more possums in our shed and fortunately our pigeon flew away which is a good thing. unfortunately i have no experience with that but i'll take your word on the pigeons are funny.

hey i would say that is a good thing those dudes gave me the ick from that far away. it might be base line gentleman behavior but that was very nice of him i would count that as a good dude moment in my books and it does make sense people like that are awesome we need more of them.

Me too lol! Thank you very much, its late now, but my birthday was pretty chill. And thank you, it's also weird because I never know what to say when someone is sorry, but thank you! That wasn't insensitive at all, it was perfect. We haven't done much, it feels like our family is on pause? I know things will start back up again at some point. And I agree, they will help later in life. Thank you!

pretty chill birthday are quite nice i'm glad it was a chill birthday. i'm glad it was perfect i was kinda going crazy after sending that since it didn't want to sound insensitive and neither do i i just say what someone would want to hear other than the regular i'm sorry etc. i get that after losing someone your family could be put on a pause for a while and i'm sure things will start back up again at some point it might be different than what it was before but it'll get to some place normal some day i'm sure. when i lost my cat it felt like my life was just rolling along without me and it felt like i was on pause just going through the motions for a while but eventually i got myself back in order again while still remembering and grieving the lose and i know it's not a human lose but it was still a lose to me either way i was just sharing my experience with a lose and how my life got back into my new normal after a lose like that.

oh i'm alright lots of new things in my life. getting a good idea on school again,getting a dent into my stories,finding a new hobby (or maybe it's not a hobby but a new interest),going a fandom that i've never been into just for a show,and more boring stuff

how about you? anything new in college life?

Hey, no worries at all! I totally understand, life happens and sometimes you just can't. I'm glad I could be of help, lol. Making the characters and their vibes is literally the best thing ever. Then comes the writing part... which can be nice sometimes, but only when it's nice, if that makes sense. No, I honestly think they are out to get me. My mom thinks I should dress up as a skunk for halloween... it was funny at first, but I don't think so. Yay for no possums and pigeons!! I agree, very good gentlemen moment. I wish everyone would act more polite and just kind in general, but then again doesn't everybody.

I agree with you on the whole, life continues moving forward. I think it kind of goes for anyone who looses anything, animals, friends, family. things just have to get better before they get better lol. oh yay! it's good to feel good about your life. I hope your new hobby treats you well! Nothing new on the college front, just the same old same old. I feel very down lately and exhausted. Which I know is normal, but it is exhausting to be exhausted and have teachers hounding on me about school work and scheduling appointments of all kinds. I have to have a bunch more dr test for allergies, hopefully that will go well. But like I said, nothing else new or interesting. :)

#mackie ♡

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askaalaska-vdeppressed · 2 years

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Kids and Coffee Dates Ch 7

Masterlist

Here's a fun game, it's called spot the reference. Also yeah my life has been crazy but you can't keep a good dog down and all that

Y/n: Hey what are you doing on Monday?

Esk: Work. I’m free afterwards though. What did you have in mind?

Y/n: oh………

Y/: Wanna ditch work and go with me to the waterpark?

Esk: why on a Monday?

Y/n: Less crowds, shorter lines, more time spent going down slides and less time standing around getting sunburned.

Y/n: Don’t feel pressured to ditch for me. I go every year as a tradition, figured I would see if you wanted to tag along.

Esk: I mean if we can do it next Monday instead of this Monday I can probably go. Gives me time to get all my stuff either covered or done.

Y/n: Sounds like a plan to me. Meet me at my house in the am.

Esk: Sure thing.

Arranging to have the day off was, awkward for Eskel to say the least. On the one hand he was the most seasoned worker and the owners’ son, so no one really could tell him no per say. On the other hand he never was not at work. Hell he usually came in on his scheduled days off simply because he was bored. That had been happening less and less recently due to y/n.

Since there last big date Eskel had taken to sending Y/n his work schedule so they could hang out on his days off. They took turns with who drove to who’s house. Unless it was raining, in which case Y/n always came to him. As a thank you for not forcing him to get soaked riding the bike over to her house Eskel usually ordered takeout for the two of them.

At first Eskel had been hesitant about hanging out around each other as much as he and Y/n did. He feared she would get tired of him, especially in a setting where they weren’t actively doing anything. The anxiety of possible boredom shifted slowly to become a comfort in the familiar. They gradually became constants in the other’s life. Y/n knew the layout of his kitchen and where he kept utensils and dishware. Knew where the tools were located in the garage and how the bathroom handle liked to jam. He knew when Y/n preferred to feed the goats and what scents of candles she liked to light in the house. He knew where she hid the sweets and that she loved having the windows open on cool summer mornings.

Eskel and y/n both found that they preferred staying at home with one another rather than going out publicly. This waterpark date would be the first time going out in a while. 2 months at least. The date of reference only stood out as important as Eskel had been keeping track of time till he was projected to be a “goat grandad” as Y/n would say which was projected to be in a little over 2 more months. Purnima and Ciri were ecstatic about having baby goats around. The rest of the family was just happy Eskel couldn’t use a lonely goat as an excuse to get out of things any more.

2 months. It didn’t feel like it to Eskel The time spent with y/n seemed to blend into an amazing haze. However the longer he sat in the haze the more guilt he felt about not telling his family about her. It just seemed like he could never find the right time. He didn’t want to just blurt it out at Wednesday dinners, it felt like something he needed some preamble to. But then again he had yet clarify with y/n what they even were. They just kinda started going on dates together and never stopped. They never defined what they were to each other. Boyfriend girlfriend? The flirty-est pair of friends on the planet?

Eskel flopped his head on the pillow on the couch. One leg planted on the ground the other hiked over the back as he willed himself to get up and start backing for the waterpark tomorrow instead of procrastinating it till the morning. Eskel closed his eyes in contemplation. Hmmm sleep now but wake up earlier or do it now and sleep in longer? Eskel gave a long sigh and sat up, gathering what he would need in a gym bag. He had to dig in his dresser for a bit to find his swim trunks. The last time he had used them was the guys’ trip he and his brothers had taken before Lamberts wedding. Considering Purnima was five now and they had been married a year before having her.... the trunks position in the back and bottom of the dresser drawer seemed warranted. Eskel gave a contemplative look down to the garment in his hand. They should still fit

Probably……

As Eskel entered the threshold of the old school turned house he was hit in the face with scent. The odor of lilac pervaded the space, intruding in the air like a mist. Eskel set his bag on a stool as Y/n entered the room. She was in shorts and a swim cover-up and bounced about the kitchen, grabbing several items out of cabinets and drawers and setting them on the counter next to a cooler.

“Sorry about the smell” she said as she was bent over grabbing things out of the fridge. She lifted up holding containers with some sliced fruits and sandwiches. “I poured a batch of soaps this morning to solidify while we were gone.” As she set the containers in the cooler she gestured with her head to a table over to the side. Several square trays were setting on it, some purple, some white with little purple specs and one tray marbled in the two.

Eskel moved to the counter to help y/n pack. “Do a lot of people like smelling like an overbearing flowerbed?” Y/n chuckled at this as she handed some water bottles to him.

“You’d be surprised, this soap gets a lot of repeat buyers.” Y/n handed him another water bottle but Eskel paused before loading it up. “Hey I think this one was opened you wanna put it back?” Eskel made to hand her back the bottle but shrugged and let out a sly “Nah it’s all good” before winking at him, turning as she did so to get her shoes from the door. Eskel screwed the cap off the bottle and raised it to inspect it. The strong scent of vodka just barely able to cut through the overpowering floral scent of the house. Now ready to go Y/n took the bottle out of his hands and carefully screwed the lid back on.

“ I don’t know if you’ve noticed hon but I’m not exactly the most social person. I can only take so many screaming human kids sober. The whole point of going on a weekday is to avoid as many people as possible but…” y/n shook the bottle cheekily before putting it the cooler and snapping the lid shut. “Just in case”

Y/n had been right in that were less people, but not no people unfortunately. Still the pair were able score a small secluded area under some trees in the park to set up. Eskel was digging through the various bags and pulling things out when looked up and his breath hitched.

Some how despite the fact that he knew he was going to a waterpark with y/n and he himself had made musing about his own swimwear—Eskel’s brain had somehow not registered that this would mean seeing y/n in her swimwear as well. Eskel was sure his eyes were wide as he watched y/n. New expanses of smooth skin uncovered to him. She reached hands above her head and stretched upward, eyes closed and contented smile as she seemed to absorb the sun at her back like a little flower. The light behind her haloing around her.

Eskel felt his face flush. His mouth going dry and something stirring up in him, causing him to shift in his seat.

This date could get very awkward very fast.

Eskel’s mind panicked slightly and he spaced out, only coming to after a hand was placed on his shoulder.

"Hey earth to Eskel” Y/n was standing next to him, leaning down to look at his face. The position creating the perfect angle to look at her cleavage.

Focus man focus.

“You gonna go swimming in that?” She asked.

“uh no, I need to head over to the bathrooms to change uh.. sorry heat must be getting to me” Eskel tried to paste on his dopiest smile, hopping y/n wouldn’t question anything. She just sat on the chair, hands behind her as she leaned back.

“Well go change so we can go get in the water before your brain melts”

Eskel found himself getting more immersed in the waterpark than we thought he would. He thought he would feel out of place or that everyone was staring at him. However with y/n at his side, grabbing his hand and leading him to different attractions, he felt a little thrill run through him. Y/n’s sense of childlike giddiness spreading to him as they ran around the park, trying there best not to get there feet burned on the hot pavement.

They day passed in a second and soon he and y/n were at a local ice-cream place near her house. Sat on a picnic table watching the sunset, hair still wet and smelling like chlorine. Y/n leaned back slightly and rested her head on his shoulder. Eskel looked down to her, remembering his dilemma from the night before.

“Hey y/n?” She looked up at him, eyes wide and curious. “What are we?”

Her eyebrows creased slightly and a confused frown found it’s way on her face.

“Uhh humans, unless you have something you need to tell me?”

A laugh rumbled in Eskel’s chest, the tension eased slightly.

“No I meant like our relationship….. like, uh god like were not just friends right?”

Y/n giggled at this “Friends that make-out on one or the others couch on an almost weekly basis? Maybe the make out parties Sean-Paul told me about were true.”

“The what?” it was Eskel’s turn to look confused.

‘I’ll tell you later” Y/n waved her had dismissing the comment for the more urgent topic at hand. “Eskel I never really thought we were ever just friends”

“So like are we…. Boyfriend, girlfriend then?”

Y/n giggled slightly, looking up at Eskel. The sunset reflected in her eye, only adding to the adoration there. Her smile barely contained. “I kinda thought we already were”

At this Eskel leaned down to her, a hand coming to y/n’s cheek and guiding her into a kiss, the lovers perfectly cascaded in the fiery light of sunset.

#eskel x reader #alaska writes #eskel my beloved #soft eskel #goat dad eskel #waterparks #i actually go to the waterpark every year #or try to #i didn't get to go this year :(#also it was hard for me to write the swimsuit scene because i wear a full longsleeved swinsuit #because i am #no joke #allergic to the sun #i break out into hives #also reference is in regards to alex hirsch's video on disney's S +P department #also to cope i've been reading copious amounts of ford fanfic #because stress gets to me man

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luderailing · 1 year

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Alright so,, ,,,a looong loonglong while ago I mentioned something silly about posting my writing here. I DO write I just keep chickening out of posting it here or on AO3 but I thought I’d say fuckit and throw some ass-biscuit writing crumbs to the birds (YOU!) from something Ive worked on for fun.

No way in diddly darn heck am I posting the whole thing I’ve just been adding on to it to procrastinate editing it. It’s very bad.

Anyway these are waay out of context but for some background: It’s a high school AU and the MC is a character I’ve blessed with the name of Rell. (At first I DID NOTT mean for this to be a Hetalia fanfic,,I made Rell specifically to write a story then halfway through chapter one I just…slid Denmark into there and now it’s about them, oopsies.)

Anyways, enjoy your bread.

[ Scene 1 ]

Gilbert, Roderich and I congregatie on the beige tiled floor with the Bassoon and Bass Clarinet players, neither of which I have gotten names from. We form a wonky circle with a pool of paper assignments souped in the middle to exchange homework answers.

“My algebra worksheet! Where is it?!” Gilbert shouts, pushing and shuffling through papers, flinging them everywhere. Roderich lifts a stack and tosses a sheet at him.

“It’s wrong, by the way.” Roderich retorts snootily.

“I copied off of you!”

“I know.”

I laugh. Roderich always manages to keep his unimpressed ‘the world is too poor and boring for me’ face no matter what crazy shit Gilbert pulls off. His physique, posture, expression, all of it is so specific and strict in a way that he looks like he’s straight out of a picture book about random events in 1890’s London, meant to be read to kids. He might as well be pure porcelain. Gilbert waves a pencil at his face, spitting Gilbert-like insults. Roderich only dismisses him and focuses on a paper assignment. One that may or may not be Gilberts’.

A noise from behind me jerks my attention. A wavy, accented, raspy noise. A voice.

“Hey.. Rell? You’re Rell? Am I right?”

I turn my head. It’s the Bassoon player.

“Oh! Yeah. That’s me.” I say, my voice choppy with anxiety. “Do..you need help with something?”

I try to hide the hopeful after sound to my speech. I’ve been unsuccessfully trying to work up the courage to talk to him for about a week now. His face is tall and curved, like a sharp blade. No defined anything—just smooth edges. His eyelids droop and give him a welcoming expression, decorated with an obsidian septum piercing.

“Yeh, thought so. Feliks was telling me about you.” His curious gaze shifts to the pile of papers. “You coming with us after school? To the Junior High, yeah?”

I nod, sliding finished homework into my folders. His speech is like sliding a wooden spoon over a washboard. It’s beautiful to listen to. He would be a great voice actor.

The Bass Clarinet player beside him mutters in defeat. He then hands the stack of stapled papers to Bassoon kid, saddened.

“God, I don’t get any of this.” Bass Clarinet kid sulks, complaining to the both of us.

“It’s a’rrite. I’ll help you.” He stares at the paper for a moment, then turns to me. “Oh. No… Rell, are you good at biology?”

“My highest grade.” I reply smoothly, trying to make it sound like my highest grade isn’t a 70. Bassoon kid hands me the papers, and I start flipping through them. Geez, I’m procrastinating on this same assignment. Not because I can’t do it, but because it’s really annoying.

“I, ah, uh… never got your name?” I try, scribbling down vocabulary definitions.

“Oh! Sorry. Vlad. Vladimir, really. But no one calls me that. Too long for people, I guess.” Bassoon kid says, then gesturing cartoonishly to the other student beside him. “That Aleks.”

Oh, shit. Deja vu washes over me. Vlad. Did Feliks say that? Was I supposed to remember?

“Hm? What about me.” Bass Clarinet kid looks up from his open laptop, clueless.

Aleks fits him, I would think. His face is rounder and more chiseled than Vlad’s, with a few faint freckles. His lashes are heavy, giving both his eyes a bold outline. His gaze is shifty and expressive, he scrunches his nose a lot, making the same face but somehow showing a different emotion every time.

[ Scene 1 end. ]

Ooohkay, wowza! I think for now at least I’ll leave it at that. I think I should have mentioned in the beginning that they’re in band? That’s the class they’re in in this scene,,haha. But it was turned into a study hall kind of thing for that day. Hence the “Bassoon” and “Bass Clarinet” players. This scene is from literally the middle of the fanfic. I wrote a shit tonn more. Like a looot more.

I actually took what I wrote in actuality and edited it a lot, I think it’s better this way though.

#hetalia #fanfic #writing #my writing #hetalia fanfiction #hws prussia #hws austria #hws romania #hws bulgaria

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brick-a-doodle-do · 1 year

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Hellllllooooooo beloved!

Hope you're doing ok! Saw you mentioned you had 20 school assignments and just wanted to say remember to hydrate! And breaks are just as important for your health all around💜

That said, if you wanna procrastinate, i got some questions, as usual for Tiny workers au🥳

I think you mentioned like some angst or comedy potential with human tony activists at the park!

How do the tinies feel about them? Do they roll their eyes when they come to the park? Do they prank them alla~ home alone style when they probs break (in working hours and after)

Orrrr

More hide away, have like protocols for them (a code red or the like), have they been kidnapped??

Just some general brainrot i got going, inspired irl by the french protest i saw😂😂

HIII GRACIIII !!!! HELLO HELLO HELLO :DDD

i am doing mighty well! yup but i've knocked off quite a few of them,, it's crazy what happens when you stop procrastinating FGJDFSJ (i think i had like 15 or 16 but now i have 7 so yippeeee !!)

and dw i was actually drinking water before i opened my inbox !!!

ahh i would love a break to procrastinate with this funky lil au >:))

the tinies are over the protesters. they never liked them from the start, but one time for a few hours was...tolerable, but when they came again and again and again and it felt like a routine, it started pissing them off. and it was one of the first times they agreed with their boss on anything. so yeah they roll their eyes when they hear protests or see signs defending their species because if they didn't want to be there they could easily leave

OHHHH THAT PRANK THING THOOO— the first thing that came to mind for that was water balloons, so let's roll with that! how they got them? no clue. maybe i'll add water balloons to the park for convenience DSJFSD they get tubbo and sam (i'm still debating making sam boss or just having boss be some rando- but for now imagine sam as a tiny worker) to build a lil contraption because they can't throw human balloons that far, then just find a high place at the entrance to the park and lauuunch as many as they can at a time. eventually it drives them away. the following hour they get a RARE compliment from their boss and tommy's reviews go up drastically. and as a lil bonus hc, they come back again and do the water balloon tactic, this time dragging techno and/or dream & sap into it >:D

i can also see the hiding thing. the water balloons were fun at first but it got boring and it was not worth their time, so instead of fighting they just go into the bunker and have a merry little time. i can confidently say that did NOT get them a positive review from boss LMAO

if one of them got kidnapped that would be a HUGE problem financially for the protesters, so while they eye the tinies with a kidnapper's gaze they don't actually do anything. but that's not to say that the WORKERS haven't considered letting someone get kidnapped so they can sue them for it FDSHSDJFS

ahhh it's genuinely so cool to hear someone has brainrot for one of my aus, it's just SDJJSD such a rewarding thing !!! anyways i feel you on that, tiny workers is clouding my mind </3 /pos

#brickquiries #graci brickling #graci my beloved !!#tiny workers au

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death2normalcy · 1 year

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a (possibly controversial) post about my opinions on which hair styles/colors i love and don’t love on the boys

disclaimer - i am one person. this is just my opinion. my opinion does not matter, at all, in the grand scheme of things and affects nothing. i think the boys are beautiful and gorgeous, no matter what. i’m just bored and procrastinating doing life stuff, so i wanted to make a random list. thank you for your time, lol.

another disclaimer - this started as one post, as they always do, but now each boy gets their own post and i’m just going to randomly rate some of their hair styles/colors

seungmin (this one is going to be so short, lmao)

most favorite

the dark brown, curly hair. stunning. gorgeous. i love it. 100/10

his regular dark brown, simple hair cut. it may be simple, and it may be the one he wears the most, but it works for him. he doesn’t have to do a million crazy colors, he’s stunning either way. 11/10

purple. i wish it was a little darker, but otherwise, i love it. it’s different, so far from his normal color. and it suits him. 10/10

this lighter brown. it’s cute! it’s also very different from his normal color. it gives him a softer look. 9/10

his little blonde/pink streaks in the front. i love it. love that it’s a way to do something different, without dyeing his whole head. 9/10

when they slick his hair back or to the side. a great look, fantastic. not done enough, honestly. it changes up his whole look. 10/10

least favorite

honestly, seungmin doesn’t have a ton of looks to choose from, so there’s not a ton that i dislike. his looks are usually great. the only one i would even rank a little low is

blonde. (kind of) it’s not that i hate it, i just don’t love it. it’s boring on him, and it also kind of washes him out (this isn’t the best photo, but it’s the only photo of blonde seungmin that i have). 5/10

#Seungmin #Stray Kids #skz thoughts #i might have missed some of his looks #but oh well #he doesn't have that many lmao

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kxkyuu · 2 years

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📓 👀

I have a Yandere!Prince Itachi wip that's been sitting unfinished in my drafts for months 😭 This is just the intro, but it gets really crazy with Itachi stealing Sasuke's bride and keeping her locked in his room and all kinds of stuff.

Itachi listened to his father go on about some trivial matter that was going on in the Kingdom. While he would usually be paying close attention as he was the Crown Prince and would one day assume the throne. His mind was elsewhere. A small sigh left him and he rested his cheek into the palm of his hand.

His father’s voice addressing him had the young prince rolling his eyes. “Itachi, are you paying attention? We are at war with our rival kingdom. You as our Crown Prince need to know what our tactics are going to be.” King Fugaku scolded his son. He knew that Itachi was a very intelligent young man and probably had already found a solution to their problems.

“Father, if I may.” Sasuke, the second born Prince, called out, his hand raised in attention. “What if we announce a full out war. Our kingdom is clearly stronger than theirs. We could easily overpower them.”

Itachi looked over to his younger brother before gently poking him on the forehead. “Not now, Sasuke.” He then turned back to the King, his red eyes already calculating as he sat up straighter in his chair. “Father, I propose we seek a more peaceful cause. Sasuke is of age now and needs a princess. Marry him off so that we can gain control over both lands.”

“What!” Sasuke yelled, slamming his fists on the table. “I refused to be married off to some unknown woman! Itachi got to choose his bride, so why am I going to be denied that right?”

Princess Izumi was a pretty young woman around Itachi’s age that he grew up with. She was a safe option for when that time came for Itachi to pick a princess. Izumi was infatuated with him. They looked good together and would sire some beautiful Uchiha children. But Itachi did not love her nor had any semblance of feelings for her. To him, Izumi was a means of his way to the throne.

Fugaku nodded his head at Itachi’s suggestion, frowning at Sasuke’s reaction. He knew that his younger son would disagree when it would be time to choose a princess for him. “Sasuke, you will marry the princess.” He said after a minute of silence. “Itachi is the crown Prince and he chose his princess from the royal family. You’ve been procrastinating on choosing a princess since your 18th birthday. You’re now 21.” His own red eyes bore down into Sasuke’s when the younger prince glared at him. “I’ve given you ample time to pick someone.”

Itachi watched as his brother threw both him and their father the nastiest of glares before excusing himself from the meeting. No doubt to go complain to their mother about the decision. He shook his head sadly. “Don’t be cross with him, Father. You know now temperamental Sasuke can get.”

Send me a book emoji and I'll give you a wip that may or may not see the day of light

#[💌] mail.time #[🫂] mooties #aleks<3

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act-more-like-a-dog-sirius · 1 year

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The world deserves more of your rants

Thank you. Here’s another hot fucking take regarding a marauders fandom favorite: The Prank

buckle up kiddos this is a long one

Snape already suspected (AND WAS TELLING OTHER STUDENTS HIS SUSPICIONS) that Remus was a werewolf when Sirius told him how to get past the Willow

everyone just loves to turn this into a whole wolfstar angst fest of betrayal and tragedy and Snape threatening Sirius or Remus or whatever.

i literally am so fucking sick of that.

i cannot fucking stand it.

ugghhh.

why you gotta go and reduce complex/interesting storylines and concepts and just boil them down to gay-wolfstar-angst-poor-hurt-remus-this-is-just-a-glitch-in-the-love-story-oh-no-he-betrayed-the-person-he-loved-most-boyfriend-drama/angst???? and

can y’all not read??!?!?

third book: remus fucking SAYS, while explaining the incident, that snape ‘was very interested in where i went every month. he’d seen me crossing the grounds with madame pomfrey one night.’ seventh book. the pensive. Snape to Lily: ‘there’s something odd about that Lupin kid…where he disappears to every month. ON THE FULL MOON.’ Lily to Snape: ‘I KNOW YOUR THEORY and I’m not interested’….

y’all.........

snape fucking knew exactly what he was getting into. even if it hadn’t been confirmed, he went, intentionally, to catch remus, to get proof that he was right and remus was a werewolf, AS HE ALREADY SUSPECTED. snape, for all his numerous flaws, is not stupid. he went in after remus, knowingly on a full moon, with the active suspicion that remus was, and would be turning into a werewolf. i don’t understand why everyone wants to ignore the fact that snape knew what he was getting into/doing. and snape did it anyways. snape ALREADY suspected remus was a werewolf. He was already telling his friends his suspicions. stop ignoring his culpability.

and also. just. there is so much to explore with this (admittedly super fucking trope of all marauders fanfic), and i genuinely cannot comprehend why everyone wants to take the same least nuanced, least interesting route that has been done 100000 times before. look, you can still have your wolfstar (if you want) and actually explore ‘the prank’ with nuance. but i just am so fundamentally opposed to like 98% of all depictions of The Prank I’ve read. also. i think the whole fandom trope reasoning behind why sirius did it, his motives, what happened, and all that are just…most takes are just flat. wrong. boring. whatever.

(disclaimer) now this is speculation, but i doubt sirius was trying to kill snape. i doubt snape was ‘threatening him’ (or remus). i doubt sirius even really thought it through. i suspect it was much more along the lines of snape trying to get answers, asking what they’re doing in there, why remus goes there, every month, on the full moon. saying he saw reums with pomfrey. he knows he’s doing something. and saying he’ll catch them and get them expelled. and sirius basically being like, alright, if you’re so curious and you think you know so much, here’s how you can follow him. i also think that wizards, and wizard kids in particular, have a crazy distorted sense of danger of what can actually kill you (there was a meta on tumblr about this somewhere). sirius, by this point, was an animagus and hanging out with a werewolf every month. this makes him lose perspective on how dangerous all of this shit is. yes it’s still super shitty and fucked up and absolutely a betrayal and wrong on sooo many levels. i have way more to say on this but i’m wasting so much time already putting the pro in procrastination.

point is: i’m fucking tired of the classic ‘the prank’ trope.

#hello here is a VERY salty take #HP rants #the rant of all rants #i am prepared for the attacks lmao #The Prank #has been ruined by fandom #hot fucking take alright #(seriously tho if you don't like my hot fucking takes the block button is right there)#(don't be a little bitch baby and try to start a fight on tumblr lmao)#i am ranting because i am filled with RAGE #i am not interested in a Discourse™ fight #lmfao #wolfstarsucks

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pr1nc3ssani · 1 year

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5/11/23 8 PM - I'm in this moment . !!

For some reason, I feel like everything is falling into place. I feel like I hit rock bottom and I've been ascending ever since. It's a challenge, really. I felt stuck in a rut... but I feel that's just the beauty of the journey. Maybe that's my issue. I see beauty in everything- even the things that give me anxiety.

Right now, in this moment, I'm in a love-hate relationship with myself. I love myself just not as much as I did two weeks ago. I've been so focused on myself, blocking everyone out. It sounds like a good thing, but really all I'm doing in that time is being hyper critical of myself. Wondering what others are thinking. In a Youtube video I was watching, this person said you should only be comparing yourself to who you were yesterday. If I'm being honest, I don't remember who I was yesterday. I was probably high as shit, probably dancing. I probably drank a lot of soda and scrolled on Instagram till that got boring too. I probably locked myself in my room to ignore my family. It's crazy the feelings I've been experiencing. As much as I value alone time, I've always valued family time more. Recently I just want to be alone. I'm sure I need it. It's exam season and I'm exhausted. I'm sure drugs don't help my self-esteem. I'm not proud of smoking. I hate the sluggish feeling it gives me during the day, but I do it anyways. I'm unsure if it's habit or just because it makes everything funny. After it fades, I always regret it.

I wish I could still be able to call myself smart. I feel like a dummy nowadays. At first, I didn't care. I was happy... I felt happy and not stressed for the first time in a long, long while. But stress motivates me and it's like when I'm not stressed (TOO RELAXED OFF THE ZA) I just don't have a care in the world. So, I forget to study. I procrastinate and relax. It's nothing I haven't done before. I was never a perfect student. Average or above average at best grades. Terrible attendance. Special plan for extra time on exams. One thing you couldn't call me was dumb. I always aced my exams and tests regardless of how badly I was failing the class. I'm blessed to have parents that don't define me by my grades. Instead, I have parents that define me by my looks.

My grandpa (on my dad's side), the other day, said something to me that almost made me cry. I got into the car because for the first time in yeaaarsss he was taking me to school. I reached for my makeup bag, and he told me I didn't need it. He said I was beautiful. My parents call me beautiful too... when I'm wearing makeup. Actually, if I wait too long to put on my makeup before school, my parents will REMIND me to put it on. LOL... I know they do it because they want me to feel good too, but sometimes it hurts knowing I won't be a natural beauty... not to them at least. The only time I can say I was beautiful without makeup was at the beach on my birthday. When a beach guy told me im "cute asf." It boosted my ego, obviously. And another guy tried to get my Instagram! I don't know what energy I was radiating that day, but Ik felt ugly as shit without makeup. Those two interactions made me feel like maybe I am beautiful without makeup. But then that doubt creeps in and it's telling me I'm crazy for even thinking I'm anything but a dumb toy.

Maybe it's the things I've experienced weighing me down, but I wish I could just erase the negativity. I may not remember who I was yesterday, but I know two weeks ago on a specific day I bawled my eyes out and then felt like a bad bitch. Where'd that energy go?!? I'll get it back. This is the lowest I've felt in a while... but at least I'm blessed. I have so many things to be grateful for and I just don't acknowledge them. Each day passes me by. Earlier I was thinking to myself about why people would say things like "Each day is the same I'm tired of it." My days were never the same! They still aren't (sometimes) but they feel that way when you're high... or maybe that's just me doing the same things every time I smoke. Maybe this is all stemming from guilt for relaxing. I can't help my Youtube addiction !!!

Anyways, these recent months have been a rollercoaster. I feel like I lost myself and found a piece of me, lost myself again, now I'm trying to find my whole self. Like I'm losing then winning then losing, but now I'm on the up! It's just a mindset, really. I have to change my thoughts. I don't think I'm made to be perfect although I wish I could be. All this pressure I put on myself to be great is so unnecessary, but I can't lie, I'd be far worse without it. Like imagine if I was so relaxed all the time. I can't actually tell if I know how to love anymore. It sounds angsty but the cheesy romance stuff doesn't get to me. It almost feels far from me. Same with kindness and compassion for others like my friends and family. It doesn't even feel like second nature like before... I just feel like I lost that part of myself. Obviously, this is no way to live. But, writing all this down makes me realize I haven't lost that part of myself, it's just being suppressed. I never placed so much value on my appearance before. I'm definitely not the only thing in the world. At least I'm self-aware enough to know my mindset, it's not healthy. I should be appreciating every second of life.

Actually, I almost cried in class the other day too (Ik im like rlly sensitive.) because of "The Case Against Adnan Syed" show. My teacher plays it for us in class and there was a clip of Hae Min Lee before she passed (look her up if u dont know) and said in her diary that life was fleeting. It struck my heart strings. I'm sure I'm not living my best life right now. I should get my act together.

#mini rant #diary #digital diary #tumblog #tumblrpost #vent post #mindset #confidence #self love #self esteem #expression #conscious #laws #Journal #Pink #Princess

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