#and I can finally draw since I couldn't work much yesterday

[ask-the-totally-real-peppino]

oh no sorry you had a bad day. hope it gets better soon

have a cookie 🍪

(Thank you! I am doing much better today!

[shortstrawberry]

I know, I know. It was Bela's b'day yesterday and I didn't post anything. However, I'm finally free now!

So here's a small sneak peak from my upcoming long oneshot. Bela has her heart back and she is trying to woo the dumbass oblivious MC.

Things have been quite... same ever since the whole debacle with Headmistress and the whole "get Bela's heart back" passed. Not that you were expecting anything earth shattering different to happen. Bela Dimitrescu is still the same draconian workaholic Student Council President who somehow manages to be a straight A grade student. You are still her Vice President, buried under the tons and tons of paperwork that gets passed along your way.

However, since past four months, from the day Bela received her heart back and fainted whispering "You have pretty eyes", certain events have happened that you cannot explain.

Exhibit A: Student Council President fussing after your sick self

"Acchhoooo!"

You loudly sneeze against the tissue paper, trying in vain to contain the droplets inside it. You are normally a shameless cretin who wouldn't hide your sneezing with tissue when alone, sick and dying in your room. But that's the thing. You are very much not alone.

A gorgeous blonde head popped out of your small kitchenette, looking at you with a reprimanding glare.

You shyly hide yourself underneath the blanket, knowing what your president is about to ask you.

"Did you use the nasal spray I brought you?"

You did not answer, still remaining hidden underneath your weighted blanket. You heard a soft beautiful sigh accompanied by approaching footsteps, and you just couldn't help but wonder how can a girl make sighing sound pretty.

The bedsheets were ripped off from you, and you found your answer to your question as you met the intense gaze of one Bela Dimitrescu.

Of course, if anyone can make breathing beautiful, it is this gorgeous blonde. You swear the song "Gorgeous" by Taylor Swift was written for her.

"cor meum, how will you become better if you don't take care of yourself?"

You gave your council president a petulant look, your mouth pouting against your will. You know you are being childish right now against someone who is only trying to take care of you. The said someone has taken out time from their packed schedule to cook some stew for you. But you are sick with fever and cold and you have a feeling the council president will give you a pass this one time.

"That spray stings my nose! I don't wanna use it!"

Bela's eyes immediately softened at your pouty voice, her eyebrows drawing close in focused attention. She tilted her head just slightly to the right, her pale pink lips rising in a amused and affectionate (?) smile.

"cor meum, you haven't taken your inhaler, have you? It will clear up your nose, and you will be able to breathe freely."

Of course you know all of that, but you choose to ignore it. Bela is being uncharacteristically lenient right now, even if she has been soft these days ever since she got her heart back. But today's Bela is still the softest you have ever witnessed.

For starters, she dragged you home from Council work and declared you are on leave until you get better. Then she made you take medicines and sleep while she worked besides you on her laptop. When you woke up, you had lunch waiting for you.

And now it is dinner time and Bela is still here. Not that you want her to go away. Your sleepy sick mind even wanted her to stay forever. Something your usual self won't even dream of.

Taking advantage of the boldness or rather foolishness your fever is giving you, you go ahead and ask what has forever been nagging you. Since the day certain someone got her heart back and started to look at you with strange, different emotion.

"You keep calling me that. What does it mean? What language is it even? Latin?"

The beautiful blonde looked at you carefully, before answering you back in a even more amused voice.

"Yes, and it means 'stupid heart'. Because you have a silly, moronic heart that makes you do careless things like walking back to your home when its raining a storm."

You pout, defending yourself immediately. Even if you remember that incident fondly.

"I had only one umbrella and you were staying back to work! What if you had to go back under rain? So I left the umbrella for you!"

Bela in answer looked away, a hint of pink creeping up her cheeks. She hurriedly draped the blanket on top of you, before settling down besides you and flicking your forehead.

It was a soft flick, clearly a affectionate gesture. Something Bela has been doing a lot lately. You stay up too late working? Sending you away to sleep and flick against forehead. You forget to eat breakfast? A croissant and flick against your forehead. You forget to text her that you have reached home? She will come to your home and flick your forehead.

Strangely enough, you have come to crave these flicks to your forehead. It shows that the once heartless girl...now cares for you.

Well, she had cared for you even when without a heart, as a similiar scene played from your memories. The scowling Student Council President demanding you have her homemade soup.

Now the only difference is that Bela is looking at you with the purest look of concern and offering to apply nasal spray on you herself.

"Here, give me the spray. I will do it myself because someone has become a helpless child."

You only grin cheekily, but let Bela do what she wants. You have troubled the poor blonde enough. And you have a feeling the dinner Bela is making will start burning soon if you keep her any longer.

With two whiffs of spray you were out like a light, sleep coming to you in minutes, You mumble a soft yes when Bela tucks you in, telling you that she would wake you up in time of dinner.

Unbeknownst to your peaceful sleeping self, the eldest Dimitrescu sister stayed besides you for few long minutes, gazing at you with the softest expression.

A soft, feathery kiss was laid on your forehead. Right where she flicks you all the time.

"It means my heart. You are my cor meum."

Cor meum means "my heart" in Latin according to Google Translate.

[hoshigray]

Only You Can Tie My Hands | K. Nanami

Hear me out: Nanami returns home from work to his loving partner, and you happily welcome him. Taking off his blazer, led him to the bedroom, giving him a "massage," doing all the things to help ease the poor blonde of stress. But what does a "massage" entail, and why does it involve his necktie?

A/n: Although it may seem like I only write for Toji because most of the stuff I put out is about him (bc I'm his one and only domestic wife outside of his late one whom I respect), don't get it twisted!! Some of these JJK men can make me swoon just like him (Choso and Nanami, my darlings~~~), so I'm writing yet another lil something in honor of one of them! This draft was an option for a poll but wasn't picked for a drawing. However, that doesn't mean I can't post it at all sooooo you get a win, Nanami stans :D

Cw: slight dom! reader x Nanami - the reader is androgynous or gn! bc I wrote pretty ambiguously in this piece - slight bondage (you tie up Nanami's wrist with a ribbon cloth) - sex with a blindfold (using Nanami's tie) - sensual touching - kisses on the body - handjob - ball massaging - blowjob - pet names (Nanami calls you beloved, darling, love, sweet pea; you call him "babe" and "honey") - throatfucking kind of (??) bc you go at your own pace.

Wc: 2k

It was a difficult day, but that's usual for Nanami Kento.

Today he had meetings after meetings with many of his sorcerer subordinates, had to go on two missions, and, of course, had to deal with the ever-annoyingly casual Gojo Satoru.

Nothing he couldn't handle, but the poor blonde man would be a fool to say he wasn't exhausted. All he wants to do is be in his space, his home. He can practically feel the soft surface of his bed.

It's all he's thinking about when he opens the door to his apartment and crouches to take off his shoes.

"Kento!"

Okay, that was a lie. There was something else he's been dying to see once he left work. Something more precious than his bed.

Then comes you walking from the corner, and your bright smile was the first thing that captured him. It was filled with such a glow that his fatigue almost vanished there and then.

He offers a small smile and straightens himself to greet you. "Hello, my love."

Your smile beams harder. It was a good thing Nanami wore his goggles before removing them. You rush to kiss him, and he hums into your lips. Then your gleeful glow is substituted with instant worry. "Oh honey, what happened to you? You look as if you didn't eat anything!"

"I didn't," Nanami admits as you unbutton and take his tan blazer. He follows you to the bedroom, where you hang his suit in the closet while he flops onto the bed.

"Kentyyy~" You use his nickname before you lecture him. A smile quirks up on his lips because you're the only one who refers to him with said name, and he prefers to keep it that way. "You're so lucky I cooked up something. You know you have to eat!"

Nanami hums, readjusting to lie on the pillow and headboard. His eyes follow your figure sit beside him, a warm hand coming up to stroke his cheek. "I know, darling. I was just caught up in too much, is all."

And you know he's telling the truth. It's the fourth day in a row that Nanami comes from work looking way more exhausted than he'd allow. But it was worse yesterday when he returned from past daylight hours, surprising even him. His face still looks the same, but you can make out slight depictions of dark circles forming under his eyes and muscles tensing, not from lack of sleep but because of his body being worn out.

Despite your worry, all he asks is for you to stay safe and smile. And you do just that with a willing heart. Thank goodness it's a Friday.

"Well. since the weekend is finally upon us," a brow is drawn upwards from your building excitement. "I cooked your favorite: chicken alfredo. But!" You cheekily stop him from saying something because his mouth opens, yet no words dare leave until you finish your sentence. "With a bread bowl! And yes, the pasta isn't ribbon."

A chuckle is well-received as you smile harder. "Oh, really? Is that what you've been working on all day?"

"Uhh, of course!" You proudly huff as you lightly pinch his cheek. "You've been working too hard this week, so you deserve to be spoiled by me!"

"You spoil me already just by living with me, my love." He leans in to kiss you, which you gladly reciprocate. One kiss leads to two, and two leads to three.

You break the kiss when you feel a hand finds its way behind your head, giggling at his sneaky action. "Aht aht aht, can't go having dessert without a meal."

"Oh, I know," his forehead gently lands on yours, "but wouldn't you be so kind as to let a tired man like me have a little taste?"

The way his mocha brown eyes survey yours, practically begging you for any sign of yielding to his request, it almost has you drop your guard down. But something else comes to your mind, and you can feel your grin go from ear to ear.

"Perhaps I have an idea to relieve you from your stress, Mr. Nanami." You lightly push his back onto the headboard, your eyes silently commanding him not to move from that spot. He indulges as you get up and grab for something in the closet. You come back to the bed with a smooth ribbon fabric. "Please put your hands up above your head."

A brow is raised, yet Nanami continues to oblige your wishes. With grace and patience, you wrap the fabric around his wrists and tie them onto the headboard. Nanami now voices his thoughts. "Something tells me you're going to get more out of this than me."

You only giggle as you untie his necktie from his blue dress shirt. "I wouldn't say that when I haven't even started yet, Kenty." You then tell him to close his eyes and wrap the dotted material around them.

Completely vulnerable in his line of sight, Nanami feels the weight of your body dent the bed as you move from the side of him down to where his legs are. He feels your hands slide down from his chest in tease, fingers delicately tracing his abdomen after you unbutton his shirt to reveal his well-built physique. You sensually kiss his body as your hands roam to his tan pants.

His breathing goes uneven when you spread his dressed legs apart, leaving his clothed groin in your line of vision. He hears you hum in loving anticipation. Oh, you're definitely getting a kick out of this. The sound of the zipper on his trousers alerts him, and he'd be a fool if he denied the titillation brewing inside him.

As for you, the image of his hard cock in his briefs has you swooned. The urge to pounce him beats your head like a drum, but that will have to wait for later. Because right now is meant to be a moment for him to relax and possibly give you something to do after cooking all day. The groans from Nanami when you stroke his member through the underwear are so hot to the ears that your ass sways from side to side to ease the heat growing south.

When his length is set free, your breath hitches at the marvelous sight. Even after all this time being together, you can't control the arousing pulsation of your core that manages to creep up whenever you see his dick. It's good that Nanami's blindfolded because how you liked your bottom lip would've baffled him.

Speaking of him, the blonde isn't used to this. When it comes to intimacies, looking at you is the highlight. Watching you ride him while his rough hands propel you down to his cock, how your body struggles to take his fingers drilling inside your sensitive hole, or the beatific expression on your face as you beckon him to come close for a kiss as he drives himself deep within you.

Just looking at you as he does whatever with your body can drive him crazy. Take that away, and Nanami feels like he's in an uncertain territory where you do what you want with him. It's a rarity and totally out of routine...That doesn't mean he doesn't like it, though.

How can he, when he silently gasps for air when he feels a wet muscle slide along the underside of his shaft? Or when your lips place teasing kisses on the beautiful veins that decorate his dick? And, oh Lord, when your tongue laps around the tip, causing the man to bite down on his lip?

You laugh at his attempt to suppress himself. "It's alright, honey, no need to limit yourself. Let it all out." You coo at him as your hand snakes up to his dick as the other massages his inner thigh. Pretty fingers slide up and down the length, and the pads of your fingertips rub against the sensitive tip, causing the poor blonde to groan through gritted teeth.

"Haaaah, haaah—Hnngh!" You could listen to his whimpers all day. "Aghhh—Y/n, my beloved, you're so..." The way he slightly ruts his groin towards you is telling. You smile at him even when he can't see it, but he knows you are. He knows you're watching and listening to him dissolve into a mess.

"I know, babe. I know just how to make you relax, huh." The hand on his inner thigh moves to his sack as the other strokes the base. Nanami jolts at both your hands, sculpting his dick simultaneously as his mind runs in circles at the pleasurable torture.

When he senses your plump lips faintly kiss the tip of his cock, he knows he's too far in. He curses the restraints on his wrists and eyes because he only wants to see you take his length to the base right now. Now those thoughts are challenged as your lips take in the pink tip of his member and slowly inch downwards.

Your jaw relaxes while you take in all of him at your own pace, his cock sinking further into your mouth until your lips almost brush his pelvis. His penis pulsating inside your mouth and throat has you under a euphoric spell. You slowly bob your head up and down, putting your hands on his thighs to hold him down before he starts thrusting and screwing with your slow tempo.

Nanami does all he can to maintain his composure, but God, the feeling of your throat on his shaft is doing wonders. Not only do the inner walls of your oral cavity feel so warm around him, but the blindfold has him using his imagination of how you look right now. He can just picture your pretty hooded eyes looking up at him, gauging his reactions as your ass rocks to and fro, tolerating the neediness between your legs.

It kills him that he can't physically see and touch you; however, your fleshy touch, paired with his creative fantasy, is doing just as much. That is, until a hand returns to massaging his balls, urging him to hunch further. He's now close.

"Hnngh!! Oh fuck, fuck, fuck," If you weren't so full in the mouth, you'd giggle at the blonde's curses. "I'm about to—Mhmm! Oh God..."

You decide to help him in his release, slowly withdrawing his cock from your mouth and going for the head, your tongue lapping and licking in his most sensitive glands. Your hand on his sack kneed presses down harder, and Nanami wastes no time shooting his load to you. You happily take in his cum with your mouth, none going to waste as you're licking in any excess amounts.

Once he's done ejaculating and you're done drinking his essence, a pop leaves the mark as your lips leave his twitching head while you sigh blissfully.

Nanami breathes heavily in euphoria, "I thought you said...dessert shouldn't come before a meal."

"Don't question the methods of a cook, babe." you climb on top of him to undo the ribbon cloth on the headboard, your pants mixed with his. "So, I hope that helped ease some stress of yours."

"No."

No??

And it was at that moment you realized you probably shouldn't have untied his wrists first. Because one moment you're above him, your back sinking deep into the mattress the next. His hands pin you down by the shoulders, and a leg is positioned between yours, a knee rubbing against the aching sensation between your pants.

Nanami takes off his tie to free his eyes, brown orbs now cast with the intoxicating guise of lust and want. Your blood runs cold. Oh, I'm in danger.

"N-Now, Kenty, we shouldn't be doing this now," you try to plead before he does anything rash. "You have to take a shower and freshen up before dinner or else—"

"No, sweet pea. I don't think it's fair you get to have a piece of me, but I'm subjected to wait afterward to do the same." He removes your pants in seconds and sets your legs on his shoulders. Heat spreads around your face when his face draws near your opening, and you already have a hand grab for his hair in anticipation.

"Dinner can wait, darling. Right now, I just want you."

[genericpuff]

Hi! Maybe this is a difficult question with no answer, but as a fan of Rekindled who might want to start their own comic, what do you suggest to avoid burnout? Do you start wiht writting the script right away, you doodle a bit,..? Thanks for reading, I love how you draw big noses, makes me more comfy with mine!

no fr my dark secret is that i've been experiencing burnout with my main original project that I've spent the last decade working on for literally a year now. this isn't the first long hiatus i've taken, the longest one i've ever been on has lasted two years, and it's undoubtedly not the last i'll experience because the lump of salt and fat and tissue that is my brain often overworks itself into exhaustion like a big dummy

rekindled has been my reprieve from the burnout. it has been my vacation from years of working on the same project, meeting the same deadlines, drawing the same characters, over and over and over again since before i was in college.

if there's anything working on rekindled has made clear to me, it's that i'm still capable of drawing comics. the comic-making isn't the problem. it's just that when you work on the same project for years and trap yourself in an uphill battle, eventually your climbing gear is bound to break.

if there's another thing that rekindled has opened my eyes to, it's the insanity that i put myself through prior to rekindled that led to my burnout in the first place.

i get people telling me that they couldn't imagine doing what i do, that even before i had my assistant helping me out, i was still able to put out 30-40 panel updates every week.

but before that, i was putting out 70-90 panel episodes of my original work. every week. full color. full spread action scenes. no assistant. very little financial gain aside from a couple patrons on patreon and one dedicated viewer on twitch, which i was also streaming on 2-3 times a week.

and now that i've been working on rekindled and even finding myself often crunched for time with that, i have zero clue, no idea, a complete lack of comprehension of how i pulled off 70-90 panels a week for months on end. there's a reason it resulted in burnout and i know that now. this comparison is not for the sake of a flex - this comparison is to make it clear that much of what i do isn't the norm and isn't exactly a healthy standard. case in point, i sneezed while sweeping up yesterday morning and it caused a muscle strain in my lower back/hips and i've been working out of my bed since, i'm in a lot of pain and it might mean i don't make any money this week if it's not better by the time i have to do my appointments at my day job on thursday. my need to create my personal passion projects is often at odds with my bad habits of not taking care of myself 。゜゜(´Ｏ`) ゜゜。

when it comes to tackling burnout, your guess is as good as mine. really it just comes down to rest. when burnout - real, true burnout - hits, it's not just "man i'm bored of working on this", it's "i can't even think of looking at this thing let alone working on it", it's basically akin to depression and it's an awful thing that i wouldn't even wish on my worst enemy (even with Rachel, I don't want to psychoanalyze her mental health but it does seem like she's possibly been experiencing burnout with LO for years now and that really sucks for her if that's true). so the solution is just as complicated as the cause, it's not something that you can just rest from for a week and come back from, it takes real long-term healing.

when I found my way out of that 2 year hiatus, it was in spring of 2019 and I decided to just work on a random comic page that wasn't even in the comic I was working on. and then suddenly it was like a switch flicked back into the on position and i didn't even finish what i was working on, i just went back to my original project and i kept working on it until it was finally finished at the end of 2021. as suddenly and randomly as it had set in, it was gone. but i can't just do the same thing this time, it just doesn't work that way.

that said, through all this, i've learned that my need to create is not restricted to any one tangible thing, i'm not doomed or designed to stick with the same words, the same faces, the same ideas until the end of time. while i do try to keep up healthy routines for myself to ensure i'm looking out for my future self and their deadlines and their upload schedules, sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants. and in my case, the heart wanted to take a break from the self-reflective psychological analysis dark fantasy weebo stuff and just draw some pink and blue characters a little less ugly. the self-reflective weebo shit will still be there when i'm done with the pink and blue stuff, and i'll surely have loads of new things to unpack through it once i return.

there are still times when i'm working on rekindled and i'm feeling the creeping hand of my routine destruction digging its claws into my back. the reality is that 30-40 panels is still a lot for someone like myself who's doing this entirely for free, but my definition of normal for a while was so insanely inhumane that even what's still considered a lot by most people's standards feels sane and normal to me after what i put myself through.

i've learned to be more gentle with myself, and to loosen my own expectations of what i'm capable of to ensure i don't do anything like that to myself, by myself, again. i give myself room to create without expectations or the pressure of eyes watching when i can, and i remind myself that even if burnout rears its head again, and again, and again, the will to create is not gone. it's just tired, and resting, and growing, and healing as i am.

anyways that turned into a self-reflective essay post, to answer your question about making stuff ahead of time, i find that's more helpful with just like, planning out a structured story (so you don't write yourself into a corner) but whether or not it helps with burnout kind of depends. because it can just as also easily be the cause of the problem because constantly seeing the stuff you wanna be drawing so far away can be just as much of a morale killer as a motivator. some of the stuff i'm super psyched to write and draw with time gate is years away and that timeline grows longer the more the burnout goes on which makes the struggle feel even more overwhelming and pointless and defeating. so plan ahead, but keep it all within your means if you can. i find what works for me is planning out just general beat-to-beat plot structures (to ensure i at least have a plot skeleton going on so i know where i'm going) then i leave the finer details to when the actual episode i've planned gets closer to fruition and i can get myself in the headspace to write it fully.

also remember that just because you're really excited and motivated to work on your comic doesn't mean you should work yourself into exhaustion - it's a good thing if you're going through the mundane of your daily routine and the whole time you're hyped af to work on your hobby/personal project/etc. because that's what will keep you moving forward, so don't spend all that hype in one place by working and working and working until you're exhausted, because that hype is REALLY hard to get back after you've spent it all.

long post over! hope that helps! best of luck in your projects! ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

[nwarrior777]

i was a bad person and here is my big message about it

even tumblr couldn't hold this much of a post so i made it under the cut. well. i was trying to write it for YEARS sooo i guess it's a little hard to squish in something small

i am frightened of seeing your reaction on this post but. it needs to be made. i wanted to make it for years. if not now then when?

long story about one fundamental thing i deeply regret and want to leave in the past and move on, and today is the perfect time to talk about it.

so. as i told, yesterday was my 26 birthday. and it was a special one. cause i gave it concept

26 years. 25+1. for me it means that half of my life is behind me. (maybe 1/3 if i will be lucky). i decided my 26 birthday will be beginning of my new era. i will leave my past behind and will go into my. present.

the problem is that my past is soooo fucked up

i did a lot of cringe bad things, WHICH I DEEPLY REGRET ABOUT but i want to tell you about one, which is haunting me the most. i thought about writing post about it sooo much times, i tried, but i couldn't do it everytime because then i thought about it i felt soooo ashamed and just burning in selfhate so what's the thing and why exactly this thing I want to tell you about above all of the things which i regret? well because now i am totally opposite person to that mindset which i am ashamed of so! pls keep in mind that i REGRET having that mindset. i think i realized that it's something not good in my 19 years old (my 19 years old is my turning point in life in general), now i am one day 26, but it's still was hunting me!!! 6 fucking years of constant shame and hating myself!!! at this moment i got rid of this thing in my mind and actions completely, and i want to put the final nail in the coffin by this post. so!!! i.. H A D (NOW I DON’T!!!)... fat fetish :c ( * internal screaming full of fear, selfhate and realising that i can hurt someone's feeling by that * ) i almost always had complicated relationships with fatness. first anorexia, but, at the same time then i hated my body i realized that i find fat people beautiful, hot even? (mostly masculine dudes? i don't remember that i thought about others?). and then i got into my horny ~18 yeaaars and ehhhh i was exploring my horny feelings  and preferences. i was deep diving in that fat fetish content, i even made sooome drawings (I think I posted, ~2 on internet AND I HATE THE FACT THAT THEY EXIST SO MUCH). and. next thing will sound naive. but. people who do bad things are always dumb and don't realize basic shit. so. i haven't seen anything bad in fat fetish. and at this time i already had my own moral compass, which i still have AND it helped me get out of this my moral compass: if it hurts someone - it's bad. if not – then it’s fine. and my depiction of fat fetish was reversed in my head. i thought that people participating in it.. feeling sexy and validated? that it's something powerful (I DON'T THINK THIS WAY NOW!) but then i saw one post

it was a person, saying, that they saw a content with fetishization of their appearance and they felt uncomfortable and humiliated by it

and i was like "wait what??? fetishes make people sad??? IT SOMETHING WHAT HURTS SOMEONE??? It's!!! It's... a bad thing!!!"

and i think since then i started to go away from it?

and it's not a second, day or month. you know that getting rid of cigarettes is hard and takes time, right? imagine how hard and how much time will take getting away from moral mindset mistake

if you do something bad it usually means that it is deep in your life

it's hard to go away from people with same mindset, your actions in the past which you thought was fine are now your shame etc etc

but!!! i've been working on myself. i don't want to hurt people, and yeah, hurting someone's feelings counts too.

sooo time was going by and it was less and less fetish content in my corner of internet. i realized that fetish is NOT something powerful and cool or sexy. representation is!!! you can draw gorgeous powerful sexy person without fetishization. actually people on fetish art... well, sometimes they don't even look like people. more like fucked up sex toys. it's so wrong, so bad and i am so ashamed that at some point of my life i thought it's something not awful

then i got into art community, more queer and bodypositive, i learned how to love my body, accepted it at 100% beat the fuck up anorexia. my feed in all the social media are now queer/bodypositive/artists usually all at once. if i see fetish blog reblogging me (i can't check every one but sometimes it happens) i ban it and

and now i don't watch any fetish content, don't have fantasies or dreams about that. now even if i see some content by accident (then you are in internet, you sometimes see shit which you don't want to see, like idk, some fetish blog relogging my art) it makes me feel uncomfortable and i don't turn on at all.

it was the last thing of this to defeat - physical desire. It’s like addiction, sometimes i wanted to watch Fetish Horny Content sooooo bad that it literally was on physicall level, and i just, well, watched and blamed myself for that after

and here is a little strange part, because one day it just... disappeared? with all my libido. aand honestly, it's fine, maybe i can't get turn on at all, but better not feeling libido at all then having it and having this shit in the head. aaaand also i have kiinda same emotions from... art. like cool art. in general. like, show me a good dramatical movie, some cool music, some touching piece of art, cool fucking made edit - i am shivering and crying tears of joy. i have this sooo, yep, it's enough for me, and i can survive loosing libido, if it's price for taking fetish from my head - shut up and take my... libido (okay that part turn out kinda goofy but like, let’s take it as lightning the mood because all the post is some fucked up dark shit)

so yeah. long story short, i was a cringe bad person and i regret that. i've done many cringe things but i decided to tell you exactly about this one because it is fundamental thing in my life and, as you can see, my art

as you could notice, all my characters are fat. and i am trying my best to draw them respectfully. goal of my life is trying to be good person (trying because you can never be sure that you are 100% right. you need to listen people and be ready to change. it's never ending road. what's why i use word "trying". you can't "be" good. only try) goal of my art is to bring people happiness by art, and representation is my method.

i feel very ashamed of that fact that i was participated in phenomen like fat fetish and now i make opposite thing - draw art, based on representation of fat people (and also queer and having other features but this post is not about that)

aaand yeah, sounds not very nice

but... i just hope that you can see that i am drawing fat people with respect. yes, a lot of time my characters presented as sexy. but i am trying to draw fat characters sexiness in respectful way. i've seen fetish art - and i am trying to draw NOT like that.

i learned my lesson. i don't want EVER draw fetish art again. i want!!! draw good things which brings people joy. i deeply sorry for that fetish thing was in my mind. but it's gone. I fought it in me for years, i won, fuck this thing. i want this thing stay in the past!!!!!

and brain, stop fucking hunting me with "whEn thEy wIll KnoW thEy Will Be All DissApoinTed in YoU!! ALL YOUR ART INFLUENCE WILL ZERO OUT THEN PEOPLE WILL FIND OUT!!!" these thoughts were been killing me for YEARS

so

i am deeply ashamed of having fat fetish phaze. but it's over. i learned that it's bad, i don't want to have it in my life ever again. and i don't want my drawings of fat people be part of it. i do it for different reason - to make representative art, which bring people joy, not hurting them.

i was carry this self-fight for years. and this day, my 26 birthday, seems like perfect day to finally leave this shit in the past and move on. i mean, i realised that it's a bad thing ~5-6 years ago. but my brain didn't let go thoughts about that. i am done with this. i want to break free from this shame. i hope i can have a second chance on that...

i really hope that you guys will be able to get joy from my art after that. i got rid of this shit in my mind, i promise. just. please don't turn back from me because because of this mistake. if you can.

(pls, if you have words of support, leave a comment. idea of this post was hunting me for years, and now it finally written. it's finally out of my chest. i want to get free from this. thank you)

[finkinthisfrew]

Anything (Pt.4)

A Matty Healy Fanfic

Chapter 4

The next morning I woke to the sound of a doorbell. I looked at my phone surprised to notice that I had slept past my alarm. I rubbed my eyes groggily as I threw on a hoodie to run downstairs and answer the door.

For the rest of the day yesterday, I nursed my now much-improved burn in between daydreaming about Matty. I'd say his name out loud and let the sound of it linger on my tongue, loving how it felt. I thought about the curls that fell across his forehead, the vision crystal clear, as if my heart had memorized his every hair. I felt giddy and inspired, drawing sketches late into the night of pieces I wanted to make that felt the way he had made me feel. 

As I lay down in bed, ready for another couple hours of tossing and turning until I finally could fall asleep, I finally let the fear seep in- what if I was reading into things too deeply? What if I'd made it all up? Maybe he was just a friendly and kind man- that couldn't be too unreasonable to imagine. After all, there was a photo of him kissing the other man. What seemed more unreasonable was the idea that this man could be single- how could someone so sweet and handsome not have a partner? After ruminating on the thought, I finally accepted that I had probably let myself read into his body language too much- I must have imagined him leaning in. After all, I had been the one to lean into him for a kiss. He probably was just waiting for me to leave, not watching the montage of us falling in love as I had been.

The doorbell rang again as I yanked on Matty's hoodie and ran down the stairs in my socks. Skidding to a stop at the bottom of the stairs, I opened the door to find a postman holding a box. The man asked me to sign for the package, and I told him it must be a mistake- I hadn't ordered anything online since I first moved in, and I wasn't expecting any packages from my family or friends.

But I looked down and saw that it was addressed to Anna Burn Victim. I would have laughed if I hadn't been so shocked. My hands shook as I signed for the package and I forced myself to act casual until the door was safely locked behind me and I could bolt up the stairs to rip open the box.

Inside the heavy box were a second box and a small envelope that said Anna in charmingly messy handwriting. I opened the envelope to find a letter in the same handwriting.

Anna,

I hope you don't mind that I stole your address from my Uber history to mail you your apology gift. I know this isn't enough, but I hope it's a start. I also wanted to ask you if you'd like to meet me for a drink at Florence's- it's halfway between both our places. I can't see myself finding anything worth giving you that can even begin to make up for what I did to you, but I don't think a drink at an overpriced pretentious wine bar could hurt. Would tonight at 7 pm work for you? Here's my number: +4479754328967. Let me know.

x Matty

I sat down on my bed in complete shock. I couldn't believe what I had just read. I reread it once more, then again, and again. I let the words sink in, scanning for anything I could have missed that made me misinterpret his letter. When I couldn't find anything I stared out my window, stunned and in silence.

He wanted to see me again. 

I immediately flipped over onto my bed, scrambling towards my phone, too distracted by my excitement to consider playing it cool and waiting a few hours to text him.

Hi Matty, you're just in luck. My burn victim's support group ends at 7 pm tomorrow night, so I'll be free to torture you a little longer with this joke 😘

I could see him start to type his response right away, thankful that he also wasn't interested in playing things cool.

Considering I've had to wait a full 24 minutes since the courier left my place to hear back from you, I think I might also do with joining a support group of sorts- do you know if they have any for lonely and impatient arsonists? 

I giggled out loud and before I could type my response, he'd started typing again.

Btw, don't gorge yourself too much on your treats. Florence has the best charcuterie board in the city.

I scratched my head in confusion. "Oh!" I exclaimed, remembering finally about the box he'd sent with the letter. 

I reached over to pick up the hefty box. Lifting the lid, I gasped at the contents.

There had to be at least 50 cookies from the coffee shop inside. The cookies I'd told him were my favourite. The same cookies that sell out early in the morning every day. The same cookies that the shop doesn't take bulk orders for. 

After staring at the box for too long, I came to, remembering I hadn't responded yet to Matty's text.

WTF HOW DID YOU GET THESE?

I tapped my toe impatiently on the ground as I watched him type. 

I have my connections 😉

Anyways, unfortunately, have to run off- my meeting got rescheduled to today and I should've left a few minutes ago for it. I'll see you tonight, and please make sure to grab me any burn-enthusiast's anonymous pamphlets you see. Enjoy the cookies  x

I was so grateful I'd been sitting because my legs felt like jello. I fell backward onto my bed, my brain spinning. I couldn't wrap my head around what he'd done- what he'd said. This beautiful man had somehow gotten his hands on 50 of the most coveted cookies in all of London, written me a letter by hand, couriered it over to my house, and asked me out. The fact that he'd thought about me at all since yesterday was already enough to send me over without all the other things he'd done.

I lay like that trying to process everything for a long time before noticing that I was ten minutes into my booked studio time. I threw on some jeans, slipped on some splattered Crocs, and grabbed an old crewneck to replace Matty's hoodie with, not wanting to soil his sweater with the clay I'd be working with. I pulled the crewneck over my head and grabbed my keys to run out the door, lost in the thought of what I should wear to my date later that night.

[dragonmasterhiccup]

She listened as he spoke, picking up the book from the table after he had set it down.

Huh, seemed interesting enough.

“Thanks, I’ll definitely try it,” she said, smiling up at him before setting the book back down.

She did appreciate the thought, since the arm she got shot with was the same arm that had been burned only a few months prior, meaning that she was once again unable to draw.

Her eyes widened slightly at the mention of her stuff. She honestly didn’t think he would’ve cared enough to get it back, mainly because most of her stuff was useless and unimportant. “Oh, uh, thanks, but I don’t think I’ll be going back to my hut anytime soon, considering… y’know…” she trailed off, using her arm to gesture to her entire body, her body that was literally stuck in bed for who knows how long.

She eyed Hiccup curiously, he seemed to have something on his mind, something that he wanted to say. “Do- do you have anything you wanna say…? Or are you just standing there like that for fun?” She was trying to be humorous, mainly to distract herself from the aching feeling in her body, but also because she wanted to deter Hiccup from trying to have any ‘serious’ conversations with her.

"Oh, right, of course." Gothi had mentioned she'd be there for a while. "I just figured you'd want to know. The boat, too, has been fixed and returned, and Toothless and I recovered the missing supplies. So...that's all set." He didn't mention the helmet. She knew she left it, and she'll find it, still in her hut.

He ran a hand through his hair, pulling the chair by her bedside back a little before sitting in it.

'Why did you run?', he wanted to ask. 'Why did you think one disagreement would erase the friendship we built, the trust we earned?' But he knew he couldn't, not yet.

She needed time, he could tell she still was uneasy around him. She had that same, guarded expression she used to have.

"Well--ah, yes, there is, but it can wait. I was actually wondering...if there was anything you wanted to talk about?"

He had trouble looking at her, it just kept reminding him of how much agony she was in yesterday, and how him helping Gothi made her pain worse. He tried to push it out of his mind, but he kept hearing her cries, seeing her tear-streaked face, begging for it to stop, for him to stop holding her still so Gothi could work.

He had seen some things in his life, but nothing like that.

He finally met her eyes, waiting for a reply.

[mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune]

Hazbin Hotel x Helluva Boss Theory: The Soul Contract Partnership Part 2

[Note: Reading This Post Is Optional..also Spoilers ahead, make sure you watch the Season 1 Episodes of Hazbin Hotel before reading this. also this is for Mature Audience Readers Only...and some parts of this will get off topic but will eventfully go back to talking to the soul contract partnership theory. like one of the off topics will be about the misuse of spanking and how some parents who don't use it, can have fear of doing more harm than good because they know they will end up misusing it which they do make the right choice not using it, because they know they might end up misusing it...and yeah the discussion of that will also be about some Sinners as well. ]

first I want to say before I get to Part 2 of this Soul Contract Theory...

I feel a whole lot better than how I was feeling many hours ago and even yesterday, I mean yeah the first problem was me not being able to get to sleep, as I may have mentioned before...

I was trying my best to go to sleep, but I was having trouble doing so, so since I couldn't go to sleep I decided to just snack on some ice cream and then some time later I wanted to get on tumblr but I think what happen before on January during my last post during that time, and when I had tried to log back on to fix the post, so I can add what I needed to add, because there was a word I forgot to put and well I'm glad this month of February I was finally able to fix it...

but anyway during that time when I did try to log back in to fix that post, the connection still kept going off and on, so I couldn't fix it and decided to wait another time...and well like I said before, I think what happen may have messed up my original password, and well it had been a stressful and not so great day yesterday...

even after all that had happen, and I finally got a bit of a good day and I was finally able to post the new drawings I did and even some fan theories, I even made sure to check to see if the new password work, and so far it's doing perfectly okay.

I was able to get a lot of sleep even after having trouble going to sleep before, and yeah the whole my having trouble sleeping and added to what was going on with my trouble getting on here, it was not really a good day during that time...but at least it did get better.

I feel really great after finally getting some sleep, I think I will try to eat a lot of food in a little after this, I know that some time after I got up from finally getting some much needed good sleep, I had snacked on some ice cream, but I might need something more than that in a little bit...

anyway on to the whole theory...

if ya read Part 1 of this, and well sometime I should have links for the parts that goes from the previous to the next parts...well hope it can work...

anyway we know that in Hazbin Hotel Universe, we know that Overlords can end up owning a soul by the ways of a Soul Contract, which might not really have any true equal mutual bond between the one who holds the chain to the poor soul that they own.

it could be possible that some Overlords, despite owning the soul or souls of those that they get through a Soul Contract...

will be less cruel unless the said soul crosses a very bad line.

one of the ways would be if the said Sinner purposely put Carmilla's daughters in danger, if the said Sinner's Soul is owned by Carmilla, she could treat them like a Employee and be possibly neutral to them, like only scolding them like a boss, and the only time Carmilla might act even crueler to her Employees who she owns the souls of...

is if they cross a line, and one of those lines besides stealing from her, would also involve her daughters.

even if Overlords might seem very powerful from normal Sinners, but it could be possible that the Overlords wouldn't just be Sinners but also Hellborns as well, and we have learned from one of the new episodes of Hazbin Hotel...

it can be possible for a Overlord to end up having their Soul owned by another Overlord, by not just a normal Soul Contract, but possibly by Soul-Binding.

Husk use to be a Overlord, and it might be true that he doesn't just have a Soul Contract with Alastor, but a Soul-Binding that Alastor could enforce if Husk gets Alastor really REALLY mad.

even if Husk can get away with certain remarks to Alastor, but if Alastor is truly having a bad day and might not be in the mood to hear them, and if the said remark happens to be a very sensitive topic such as it turning out that Alastor also having his chain held by someone else...of course Alastor will become even more scary and cruel to Husk, but from what we saw on how he handled those Shark Demons...

in comparison what he did to them and how he snap at Husk, it could be possible that Alastor was holding back a lot more of his aggressive side to Husk, and if he let it all out, he might of ended up causing more damage than just scaring Husk.

it could be possible Alastor making some Overlords disappear, save for the current ones...including himself and Ex-Overlord Husk.

might of been by orders of the one who holds Alastor's Soul on a chain...which in theory, I think could be Charlie's Mom Lilith who is holding the chain to his soul...

it would mean that it wouldn't be just the Overlords that can own another Overlord's Soul.

Lilith outranking Overlords, could mean she was able to use her power on Alastor and make him succumb to her will, if not by force then by some kind of tricking him into it, which would still be forcing him into a Soul Contract that is very powerful than the soul contracts that Overlords normally have on other Sinners and possibly Hellborns.

Hellborns being under Soul Contract could be very Rare, but it could be possible that not many Hellborns live in Pentagram City.

even if they have separate stories in two different shows, they possibly still do live in the same universe...

Blitz, Moxxie, Millie and Loona live in Imp City, which while being in the same ring as Pentagram City, but might be some miles away from Pentagram City and isn't very close to it or like a city within the Pentagram City.

it could be possible that the Elevator that takes Hellborns to different Rings, from the Pride, Wrath, Gluttony, Greed, Lust, Sloth and Envy...

I still think one of the problems of the overpopulation of Hell, which is only by the Pentagram City in the Pride Ring, is not only by how Heaven in that universe is run...but also because the Human Souls that become Sinner Demons, were never meant to just stay in the Pride Ring...

and as much Lucifer from the show seems more likable than the one from our universe...all though some might disagree about the one from our universe being not very likable...

but if I was able to, I would give Charlie's Dad the cold hands to face punishment for his remark about how Sinners are violent...

even if his sad but sweet side might make me want to hug him.

but him implying that it is only Human Souls that become Sinners when they end up going to Hell, being the only ones who get violent and act like cruel monsters, is a bunch of bull slag.

even if Adam became a Angel in that universe, but him having been Human once and became a Angel, and would kill Sinners who aren't really 100% evil, can show that some Angels can be just as bad as some Humans, even former humans turned angels.

even if some form of extermination could be used, even if Charlie and Emily might still hate it, but if such a thing could used in the right way and not just by how Adam, Lute and the rest of the Exterminators ran it...

it could be possible that the extermination/cleansing can become more selective...and not be like how Sera wanted to do it by stopping a so called "uprising" from the Sinners.

there could be a way to make the whole Extermination to be different, even if it might not really happen in the show, but it could be possible in theory, and yeah I will get back to the whole Soul Contract theory...

a Sinner in their life on Earth, would of had to do something truly evil and very VERY terrible to earn to be exterminated and send to possibly Double-Hell, which for all we know could be real and much worse than the current one that the Sinners and Hellborns live in.

laying a harmful and sinister hand on a child, is one of the ways a Sinner would deserve to be exterminated...

but it would have to be the type that crosses a very dangerous line.

even if a child still needs a spanking when it truly calls for it, but at times the spanking isn't necessary, and there can be better ways other than spanking, but it doesn't mean even the other ways will be good, and it might cause emotional harm just as much as the misused spanking.

the problem with those who are fully for spanking and fully against it, don't get that there needs to be times when it can be used the right way but also to not do it all the time and not do it unnecessary, and you NEVER put full strength into it.

one of the problems of spanking, is that some who use it end up misusing it, possibly without realizing it or they realize too late.

Raising Hope, had put a bit rumor to it, which it be nice if parents did do that kind of thing as a alternative, like it's good that Hope didn't get spanked but I guess even if she did, she would only get a light slap on her bottom, even some human beings should know better than to do a spanking that uses a bit more strength and would be more than one slap to the bottom...

you NEVER do that to a baby, even if the baby is a year old or a toddler, but even if your child gets a bit older, doesn't mean you should raise the level of strength to the spanking...

there is such a thing as self control, and while I might not fully for spanking, but the problem with spanking is that it isn't used the right way, and can be misused, and both those who are and aren't for that, need to understand that you only use it when it is really necessary and not misuse it, if a child is being super out of control and might end up doing something dangerous, but there could be some better ways than using spanking even if it could be a last resort, and should never be misused, it's one thing to spank but you should never take it too far when it becomes close to beating...

if a Sinner crossed a line with their own child when they were alive on Earth, which resulted in the child being injured from a beating that crossed a line, and it wasn't from spanking, then yes, if the beating crossed a line, and it was on purpose, then yeah, the Sinner would be on the list to be exterminated.

if parents who are scared of using spanking to teach their child not to misbehave that crosses a line, then they don't have to, because it could be possible they can be scared of the possibility they might misuse the spanking and hurt their child or children which their fear is understandable, plus it means they truly love their child or children and don't wish to cross a line if they believe they might not be able to hold back and might do more harm than good when they do spank.

spanking is only fully bad if the hand that uses it, ends up misusing it and up crossing a very bad line that can cause physical and emotional harm.

Charlie and Emily have a right to not love the Extermination, because it is wrong to do those extermination which while it does have to do with the overpopulation, it is also to stop the so called uprising...

I wouldn't be surprised if Sera is a Eon-Silent Generation, Charlie's Dad might be a lot younger than Sera, and can still be called a Eon-Boomer...

Vaggie being a Angel and being a former Exterminator is awesome, you know like it being a surprised, and one of the reasons Vaggie's wings grew back, was possibly because of Love, but it might been a mix of wanting to fight the other Exterminators to protect the one she loves, to protect the hope and dreams of the one she loves.

Vaggie can still be a Angel, but it doesn't mean she should go back to the old life she had and she has shown she has true compassion and would never harm a child, but we know it was her act of compassion and letting her guard down, she was harmed by Lute by losing a eye and her original wings to her...

Vaggie singing that she will be Charlie's Armor, while Carmilla sings she will be her daughters keeper...

could be seen as Vaggie being Charlie's Knight, if there were Angelic Knights, they could have some morals to never harm a child, just like Vaggie who let the child who was possibly from Cannibal Town, make a run for it.

if Exterminators can be better and not be just violent psychos, then Vaggie is living proof that some Exterminators can become better and can change how Exterminations are done...

like exterminations wouldn't just be a day where the Exterminators would go after every Sinner they see on sight, they could be given a list and only go after certain ones, ones who are on level 100 evil that can't truly be redeemed.

if I have to guess, Alastor and most of the other Overlords wouldn't be at 100, but could be around a 98 while most could be like chaotic neutral.

the list for those who under the bounty to become cleansed, would of had to do something that crossed a very dangerous line that goes beyond the small or big reasons some Sinners ended up going to Hell in the first place...

it could be possible some of the Sinners who were send to Hell in Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss, were send there wrongfully, even if they weren't perfect or didn't do as much good deeds or went to church or had stop going at some point, it doesn't mean they are a bad person.

I still think the Hell from our universe, wasn't always a place of torment, but possibly had a different name and was part of the Earthly Queendom, but even if I do talk about that possibility, it isn't like many would believe it or think it is linked to the imbalance between the Divine Masculine and Feminine energies, and yeah it could be possible that what we know is "Hell" is placed under a very strict quarantine from the rest of the domain of the Earthly Mother.

women having rights to vote, is possibly one of the proofs that the balance between the Masculine and Feminine is getting better, even if it does turn out it is still in a fragile state.

and yeah the Toxic-Masculine energy is very dangerous, and we also have to deal with Toxic-Feminine energy now too, but it isn't as highly dangerous as the Masculine one, which it is a good thing it isn't at the same level.

a Soul Partnership Contract could of been something that was lost or never truly discovered as alternative from the type of Soul Contracts where a Overlord can own someone's soul.

the Soul Partnership Contract could use rings instead of chains, and it could be possible that such a contract would have the rings be in different places on the fingers depending if the bond of the contract is platonic or romantic.

the parties that are involved can have their rings on the middle finger for the sign of the soul partnership being platonic, the rings that end up on the wedding fingers will be a sign that the soul partnership being romantic and it can be choice for those who end up in a soul partnership contract to get married either on the same time the contract is formed or much later on.

it can be possible for Polygamous Soul Partnership Contracts to be formed, but all those involved in it will have to be in agreement and not just one or two of the parties of the soul partnership contract.

if two of the parties or even three or more leave out one of the other party that was also part of the contract out of the loop and they didn't know what was going on, it could cause the soul partnership contract to become broken and all parties involved in the contract will no longer have their souls bonded together and they would have to re-do the contract, but it could have them needing to do a test to show their loyalty, if they go behind each others backs in a way again without making sure all those who they are soul bond are in agreement of adding another to the soul partnership contract, then they will no be allowed to form another soul partnership contract for a super long time, and if they do break that rule more times even after being suspended for a decade or century, then they will never be allowed to form a soul partnership contract again...

if one only has one soul-partner, and if the soul-partner ended up having their life taken by a Exterminator, then yeah it can be possible they can choose to find another soul-partner but only if they wish to do so.

a Soul-Partner could feel their partners pain, but it would have to be a very open and strong connection, all parties who are bonded by the Soul Partnership Contract, can of course still feel their own pain either physical or emotional.

but the situation where one or both soul-partners being able to feel the others pain would have to be under a extreme situation.

it could be possible that if Frederick Von Eldritch and Bethesda Von Eldritch are Co-Overlords, and are married, they could in theory be in a Soul Partnership Contract with each other.

it could also be possible that Lucifer and Lilith can form such a contract with each other, but had never done so even when they had married and even when they became separated.

if Carmilla and Zestial were in a Soul Partnership Contract with each other, it could possibly be platonic, but even in the platonic contract, being able to feel the other's pain either physical or emotional when it is extreme is still possible.

in theory if Soul Partnership Contract was real, it would be very ancient and sacred ceremony and if such a thing was part of the Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss Universe, then it would be respected by those like Zestial who has been around for a super long time and could know that such a contract is a precious and sacred ceremony, because it wouldn't just be a Overlord owning a soul, because there is no true ownership in the contract, because it is a equal partnership between both souls, who end up being bonded for all their afterlife.

or in Hellborns cases, all their life, and if a Human Soul or a very powerful Overlord were to form a Soul Partnership with a Imp, the bond could end up expanding the lifespan of the Imp meaning they will live much longer so as long as their Soul-Partner does.

in theory, if Husk and Alastor had formed a Soul Partnership Contract that was platonic, it could be possible Husk would of ended up staying a Overlord, or could become one again if he formed a Soul Partnership Contract with Alastor.

like even if one wasn't a Overlord before, they could become one if they form a Soul Partnership Contract with a Overlord.

Vox and Valentino could of became Overlords thanks to Velvette, who in theory could of formed a Soul Partnership Contract with Valentino and Vox, even if it is platonic, with only Vox and Valentino being romantically involved with each other.

if Valentino and Vox who weren't originally Overlords but became that way because of a Soul Partnership Contract with Velvette, would of had their powers become stronger to a Overlord level.

and in theory if a Overlord were to form a Soul Partnership Contract with a Royal, their rank could change from Overlord to the same rank as the Royal they form a Soul Partnership Contract with.

so like if Vox ended up forming a Soul Partnership Contract with let's say Charlie, even a platonic contract, it could end up causing Vox to go from Overlord to Vox to his Royal Highness Prince Vox.

and even if the characters from both Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss were real in this universe, I'm not even sure if I would outrank a Overlord...

I mean I know from the info I ready before, both O RH D Negative and O RH D Positive blood types are Ancient blood types.

and yeah the whole finding out I'm a Earth Angel, well a Defective type, and being descended from some Royalties is a surprise, I had that whole "Earth Angel Princess" pop into my head, and yeah I'm not sure if there are other Earth Angels who could be Earth Angel Princes or Princesses, plus Earth Angels could have different blood types that wouldn't just be RH Negative or even RH Positive.

and for all I know, there could be other Earth Angel Princesses and some Princes, who outrank me.

I use gems to protect me from harmful energies, but also to act as sealing charms and limiters so I don't end up like Alessa from Silent Hill or Carrie from the Carrie Movie Series, like I can still like both series, but I still think I wouldn't be able to handle or control the same powers they have.

I still think the pendulum had unlocked something when I had started to use it more, I haven't been using as much as before which might be a good thing, I can use it once in a while but can try not to use it too much.

the first time I held a pendulum it started to go all crazy, and I wasn't even telling it to, it was moving like crazy all by itself while I was holding it and I had put it away because it freaked me out.

I'm okay with using the pendulum now, and I had learned I can move it how I want to and well then I learned I could program it to move by "Yes" or "No" or "Maybe" way and it wouldn't always be from my thoughts, like even if I tell it to move one way, it will keep moving the opposite, of course then there is the whole prank thing that happens...and well I think it is good that I'm making sure not to use it too much and take breaks from it.

even if I am able to have my gem bracelets act as sealing charms and limiters, it could be possible if I do take them off and hold a pen or a bottle by a lid, they will end up moving a bit like my pendulum.

the acceptation to it seems to be necklaces like a locket or like a thread type necklace with a gem...which I'm fine with that, so long as it isn't like a bottle of soda or a pen or any other item as well.

I also had to re-do the whole program on the bracelets when I had to take one of them off once because one of them was becoming too snug, so now even if I have to take them off either being one or all of them, they should still work on making sure when I do hold something with my hands or just by the fingers, they wont move by my thoughts, well unless I guess it is a necklace like a locket or a type of necklace that is made out of a thread and has a gem.

and right now I decided to check if that freaky thing still happens with that modern radio, turns out it still does, which could mean it still might happen once in a while.

I turn the radio on right now, and I have it on my bed, and right now it is playing perfectly....but if I point my fingers to it well it isn't doing it now, but it did it when I had checked a few minutes ago, it going all static, like moving my hand and fingers close like pointing and away, like it going back to normal when I pull away and it goes to static when I point my fingers close...I guess it is a thing that only happens once in a while.

well now when I changed to something else, the signal only gets better and green light only comes on when I point my hands to it and stays that way if I keep my fingers pointed to it but if I take it away the green light goes off and the signal becomes poor again.

well it seems like it is doing fine now, the signal is doing fine without me now...wait now it's back to being poor...

let me check and, okay I changed it to a different station by turning one of the switches...I'm holding it and it seems to be playing perfectly. I'm gonna put it back down and hopefully it will still have a good signal...okay so far so good.

I think it could be possible it will act that way with me only once in a while...still might remind me of Alastor, but at least that isn't on the same level as Alastor's powers.

a love song is playing at the moment though, some song that has the lyrics that go "I can love you like that." I might look it up some time, I think I have heard it before but I don't think I can remember who sings it, maybe they will say who it is on the radio.

or not, they didn't say who sang that song...

but now "Every Breath You Take" is playing now.

anyway back to the whole soul partnership contract theory, it could be possible that if Blitz and Stolas formed a Soul Partnership Contract, it could let Blitz have some of the same powers as Stolas

and it could give something to Stolas as well, something that Blitz would have the abilities of.

I'm going to make a part 3 of this, I'm going to go grab something to eat right now, even though some hours ago which would be around last night before and end up early morning, I wanted to eat something more before I went to sleep, but I really needed some sleep, cause once again I had trouble getting to sleep before...even if my trying to go to sleep involved me trying to use a spell that needs me to go to sleep, but I might have to re-try the spell once again...

I'm going to try to stay determined and keep trying to do that spell I found, because I want to do some Astral Travel to another Universe that is in a different dimension and reality.

weird love songs keep playing, now it's "Never Going To Give You Up."

anyway I will write part 3 of this theory after I eat some food. :)

and also there is a good reason I want to use the spell to get away, even if my body would still be sleeping in this universe and the spell would still have ya come back here...well I can talk about my reasons later...I gotta go get some food now.

[sweetswesf]

Check In

What I Did

Responded to a post I was tagged in in the channel for the Black-male dominated professional engineering group I am in outside of work...was honest about what going through a layoff is like and how people should support people going through it and immediately regretted it

Got through 4 DAYS of 100 Days of Python in a day to catch up

Didn't work out...sat at my damn desk ALL day and neglected dishes and eating better and working out...all to catch up with Python

Received yet another request to meet with this CEO next week who made a random post about a podcast episode I did...I have no clue where it's going and why he has not given up on trying to meet ME after all these years, but we'll see...

Bumped my face against the cabinet door AGAINNN

Finished Alice & Wonderland finally a few days ago and couldn't help but draw parallels, pick out the themes, and cry when Alice slayed the Jabberwocky! "OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!"...that's what I'm going to do with these things I've been battling

online shopped for like 2 hours (I know...way too long) for back to back days because they're having a special: spend $150 and get $100...I'm very indecisive because I don't have much time to shop and don't want to do it often, and the stuff I buy tends to stay with me for YEARS...and I had a LOT of gift cards at Free People (THAT IS MY STORE!!!)...I bought these! Hopefully they fit, hopefully it was worth it...I feel like I keep trying with little pieces...one day, people are going to be sending me my designer wardrobes for free...these are going to hold me over and hopefully inspire me to the attract the opportunities that help get me there; I like comfortable, cute, unique, different things...with a feminine hippie undertone:

What I Learned

They say people will be more attracted to you the less they know about you, and for someone as open and vulnerable as me, this has been hard...I guess this is why I feel like this blog is so therapeutic: I can get my feelings out, have them read without knowing who the reader is and without the reader knowing who I am

Feeling

Dependent on my friend...I really look forward to meeting with her biweekly; she couldn't come to our meeting today and I felt a little sad...it made me scared because I'm so used to being left/made to look dumb

Accomplished...I've built Hangman, Rock, Paper, Scissors, and a few other things; I regretted starting the 100 Days of Python since I already know the language instead of going harder on the Algos, but I am doing it to get to the harder lessons on stuff I don't know and just to get faster with the language which will help me both in the algos and on the job eventually, especially since, I tend to lose my train of thought mid-algo sometimes...Like today, I figured out how to add recursion to my problem by accident, and recursion is really difficult for me...PLUS, I'm learning a lot of new tricks and resources I never knew of even in these beginning lessons...most importantly it's getting me up to work at my desk and reminding me that I can sit for long, knock out some Pomodoros and ...I worked more hours yesterday than I have in one setting all month...

My A1C levels are on the bridge for pre-diabetes...like if I was 0.1 over on my score, I would be considered pre-diabetic...so I need to get that in check...I was inspired to check by this healthy Black YouTuber Hallease and my grandmother has diabetes...that life is NOT fun...movement helps but it contradicts going hard on this interview prep stuff...I added the Pomodoro Gym Chrome extension to make sure I get up because my FitBit watch KEEPS giving me a rash...I hate it...

Glad I overcame the paranoid thoughts of having a brain issue...

Sad at all the time I've wasted in the past on social media procrastinating from doing the work and making things harder for myself

Glad I meet weekly with an old colleague...white girl gets me and we relate...but she reminds me of an old friend that ended up ghosting me and acting like she didn't know me...PEOPLE are hard to trust

Takeaways

I'm going to get better at this stuff

I'm not getting fat...looking in the mirror I see more definition in my body despite me feeling chubby cheeked in the Google Meets video

Going to start doing Advent of Code: 25 Python challenges in the month of December...happens every year since 2015...I attempted once and gave up after like a day; FINALLY found the name of it after reaching out to a mentor to me who helped me get ad revenue on my project from bootcamp

I don't judge homeless people who spend money on drugs or other non-essentials...it's a HUMAN thing to spend things on what feels good in the moment and lose sight of what the money is really for...we're all trying

I can't judge people who are laid off, collecting unemployment, or food stamps, etc.

I believe I am going through a lot of these experiences to become more humble and judge less

Taking this time to focus on building skills is a good thing...I'd rather do it now than when I'm too old...I saw another guy on LinkedIn leave his good job to do the same: train up skills as he knew he wouldn't be able to work and do both...I'm excited to see who I will become after I learn these skills

I don't like my gym crush anymore...I embarrassed myself trying to get his attention in the gym and it was like chasing down a child...I already attract attention being this short, bulky, Black girl amongst all the men on the weights level...I noticed his new neck tattoo of praying hands and it just read to me "irresponsible spending" and I know I shouldn't think that way because I just bought clothes when I have PLENTY of them already and nowhere to go...we all try...

I have to stop panicking and getting in my head

How I Got Myself Out of a Rut

Prayer; reminding myself that God won't leave me

Pushed myself to finish the coding lessons

Told myself that I won't be in this forever, I'm going to get better, I'm limitless, and me getting to the next level is predicated on MY actions

Goals Completed

Found a therapist

Stopped listening to people worried about their own circumstances and remembering God works on his own time and that I am in no rush...

Got back on the ball

Being kinder to myself and stopping guilting myself if my energy isn't always on 100%

Goals To Complete

Strengthen my relationship with God

Understand the main concepts I need to from Interview Cake, AlgoExpert, etc. in 6 months, NOT less than 3

Drop my body fat percentage to Marion Jones, Michaela Cole, or Jade Cargill levels

Consistently fight urge to fill up my time with social media/YouTube

Fully forgive my family & build a great relationship with them

Be more confident & faithful

250 steps/hour & 10k steps/daily consistently

Drink more than 64oz a day consistently

Go on a date with a guy I actually like who actually likes me too

Learn more about my gym crush & get him to ask for my number

Get a house similar to that one in Spain

Update my personal app

Complete 100 Days of Python

Complete Advent of Code

Decorate the plastic Christmas tree with the ornaments I HAD to buy

[mi4011mariaperera]

TIME TO EDIT!!!!

26/05/2024

It's currently 1.30 pm (I may have overslept....accidently) but now I'm so ready to start editing.

I'll begin my editing on Cap cut since I have the audio and story board drawings there. So just to add the frames on top.

Afterwards, I'll be doing some adjustments on Premiere Pro.

On capcut, (This is for timing purposes)

For a 2 second scenes,

scene 1 f1 - 03

scene 1 f2 - 02

My God....this is taking up so much time.....

It's currently 5.30pm and I've so far animated 8 seconds worth of animation

27/05/2024

So, I couldn't update this post yesterday because I got so carried away with completing the animation. But no worries! I'll be guiding you through my editing process today!

I started off by adding all of the frames onto cap cut one scene after the other to make the process less stressful. (It's 12 frames per second. So, it's quite a lot of frames to deal with)

I made some notes on timing for frames in certain scenes. Here's an example. I apologize if the scribbles are difficult to read.

Here are some screenshots of my work in progress on Cap cut

You can have a look at these videos of me explaining some of the editing ideas for scene 3 (The toughest scene I had to animate)

Editing blunders - While I was editing scene 12 I added a lot of frames which made Boruto's hair move fast underwater. It looked odd right after seeing Nakamura's hair moving slowly and her slow blinking underwater. So I had to make changes to match the timing.

Here's when I realized the mistake and planned on how to correct it.

This was the initial timing I planned (Again... I apologize for the scribbles)

This is the new plan I created after taking a chill pill

Here are some screen shots of me working on scene 12 and 13

After doing adjustments to the audios to match up with the frames added, I headed over to Premiere Pro to do some finally edits to spice up the animation.

I basically used premiere pro to add in the zoom ins and zoom outs that you'll see in the final animation. I'm not sure how to get the correct setting on Cap cut for these effects. So I saved it for last on Premiere Pro.

Here are some screenshots of my work in progress on Premiere Pro.

That's all for this post. To be honest, editing yesterday was quite hectic. I had to take up the entire day to perfect the frame speeds, audio timing and effects.

But all that hard work yesterday was so worth it! So I'm happy:D

I'll be uploading all my testing animations on my next post! Thank you for reading!

[lianailia]

Now that I have some good news to report I can post an update! I had my first nerve block last week and I feel pretty great! Highly recommend. Nothing else has seemed to help me. I go for the 2nd one next week and then the ablation, or killing of the nerve, after that. I'm hopeful. I went by my niece yesterday and usually I'm in a lot of pain. I still was at the end of the night and on the way home. But not as much as before. Today I've felt pretty good too. So fingers crossed. I'm ready to be done with this pain. Now I'm crying because I don't have it anymore. I like the new pain doc more than the old one also. Second happy thing: I have a hearing for my disability! I'm so happy! Feb 22nd. I hope all goes well. It's a telephone conference because it's going to somewhere not in my city. Not sure why they couldn't do video. I would rather since then they could see me and my feet. But going to send pics and hope that's good enough. Things are finally falling into place and I'm really looking forward to next yr and the next chapter of my life. I want to get a partner but I also want to live on my own first. When my parents went to Rome for over a week I did miss them. I like having people around. But I think I still need to live by myself for awhile. I've also been drawing a lot for Artober, and think I've gotten better because of it. Friends on Discord have been praising me for it. And on here too. I love drawing and writing. I think after I'm done (have 2 more) I'm going to write for a long time. Heh I do want learn too like actual layers and coloring and all the aspects of drawing. I've been kind of winging it. I'm glad my niece wanted to draw yesterday. Heh well, that's pretty much everything. Thanksgiving is coming up in the US. I'm going to my sister's home in MI. so that'll be fun. I hope I'm able to handle the drive more. I am breaking up the time though and staying at her house Wed and then going there on Thurs. So I hope everyone has a good holiday for those who celebrate! I will still be drawing, just maybe not as much until working on the Secret Santa. I'm excited. I'm excited for new life stuff too! Later.

[g0blinwitch]

Guys holy shit I accidentally caused my last class to get cancelled.

(Story is kind of long so its under the cut)

So basically I'm an art major, and one of the required classes I have to take to graduate is a figure drawing class. This is reasonable enough. The teacher(whom I will refer to as Mr. F) for said class however, is a bit of a wack job. The first two weeks of class he had us draw on rolling carts that we had to hunch down in order to use instead of the easels stands that where in the room and what a majority of the chairs in class where designed for. I ended up talking to some of the other kids in the class about him, and we ended up bonding mainly over hating his class and anime. They will be known as M(most vocal about their dislike for the class/the teacher), J(chill dude), and A(Arguably the best artist in the class). They all tended to sit together in a group, and even if I couldn't sit next to them due to the limited room size/size of the easels, we still got along and talked in class(Even if most of the time I didn't get to jump in the conversation until we took a break due to being halfway across the room most of the time)while doing the work, and would occasionally show each other stuff on our phones. Yesterday, we began work on our Charcoal unit, and A was ranting about how "he doesn't fucking teach us anything"(he wasn't really being loud or raising his voice that much),and how he was upset at the lack of directions with how to use a new material. A had been excited to learn how to/use charcoal in particular. Keep all of this in mind.

Today in class as we're all setting up, he tells us all to take out a gray piece of paper that(supposedly) came in a $200 art kit we had to get or assemble ourselves at the start of the school year(although most students just bought the kit). There is immediate confusion. No one(except for one person who assembled the kit on their own), had the paper he was talking about. "It's fine, you can go down to the school store and buy a piece for $3.75" Two students(whom I will refer to as PB and J) leave to buy the paper while everyone else is still in the room, looking for the piece of paper. Since I can admittedly be a bit cheap at times, I asked him if we would gets points taken off of our sketch if we used a regular(white) piece of paper. He instead calls me over to look at the list with him so he can show me that the paper is on the list of materials included in the kit. He does not answer my question on whether or not we will gets points taken off of the assignment. I'm talking with M, J, and A about how it's bullshit that the school store is charging $3.75 for a single piece of paper, and A says that he's upset because he just payed for his classes next semester/that he just payed all this money. J tries to bring up how in another class, a student had not gotten a different part of the kit, so it's possible that the store who makes the kit simply forgot to put it in(even if that wouldn't explain how the entire class didn't have the paper), but Mr. F dismisses him, saying that it must have come in our kit, but if we needed to we could just go to the school store. I ask him what was the date of the list he was using, as the store could've gotten a list from a previous year. He says it's from June, and insists that it's the list that the store got. PB and J come back. A single sheet of paper costs $4.00. The class only becomes more upset with the news, and I ask him if the paper will be used for the final. When he says yes, the class calms down, as it kind of justifies spending $4 on a piece of paper now. Apparently, this causes him to fucking snap.

He starts going off about how we're "paying for the classes" and how "you're wasting your money to just talk in class" and at this point he's just facing the M J and A cluster, particularly A. "I ' don't fucking teach anything?' well that's because you don't give the class your attention! If you don't like how I'm teaching, leave!" A tries to say that he does do the work, but Mr. F cuts him off and keeps talking about how he only helps students who actually do their work(keep in mind that we all talk in class, and it's not just A). A packs up and leaves the class. Mr. F responds with "Good example of what you should do if you don't like my class. Does anyone else want to follow his example?" When no body moves, he keeps ranting, eventually turning to M to rant about how they don't do their work. When they try to defend themselves, saying that they usually are doing the work and that they only took two breaks recently due to a migrane, Mr. F cuts them off and keeps talking. Eventually, he suggests that we all take a breather until 1:27(Class has only been in session for 20 minutes max at this point), and now I might be shit at picking up cues, but the one cue I can usually tell is when there's an opening to leave. So I left to go to the school store to buy the stupid $4 paper, and on the way back to class I bump into J and M who where on their way to the school store. We start talking about what just happened because, holy shit, and PB and J bump into us with another student from our class, and we're all talking about it, when I see two other students from our class with their backpacs on, leaving. I'm naturally confused, as technically class doesn't end until 3:20, and the two of them don't seem like the type to just walk out, so I asked them what was going on. Apparently, the teacher had just given up on class for the day and said that if we wanted to we could leave and class would pick back up normally on monday. Now we're all like "holy shit" and eventually our little group splits up, with M and J leaving to actually get the paper and PB and J/me leaving to get our stuff so we can leave. When I walk in, Mr. F apologizes to me saying that he "knows that A, M, and J are [my] crew" and I'm like "ok" but like I'm not the one he should be apologizing to. It's them. So anyway how has your day been-

[lexstellaris]

Daily Draw - 17/5/23 - Clive Barrett’s Ancient Egyptian Tarot

Seven of Wands

After yesterday's entry, I thought it might be time to switch up my deck lol and decided to hit up my old faithful, Clive Barrett's Ancient Egyptian Tarot, which I've owned since 2001. It's also the only ancient Egyptian deck I own, bc none of the others I've seen since have ever resonated with me like this one does. I feel very lucky to have secured a second deck and book (sans box) about a decade ago for $50, bc this deck is out of print, and can go for hundreds of dollars.

As for the card itself, I know what this is about lol. I know. XD It's going to help me target my protection magic a little better, so it will be more effective. But that's work for tomorrow. And yes, I am being a little unhelpfully vague here, but as soon as I saw Mars and Leo associations with this card I knew, man. I knew. XD

Look. I did a year-long tarot draw a while back and Leo season's gonna be A Lot, so. >_> This will help me draw on the right energies to make my spellwork effective and help me protect the things that need protecting, as well as allowing me to focus on being proactive in working on those things that need working on and growing so there's a buffer in case shit hits the fan.

Anyway. That's enough about that lol. I've never been one to be explicit about my spellwork anyway, but that gives you enough of an idea of the work I'm doing.

In other news, I did finally decide to buy the big black grimoire that's been sitting in my local new age shop near work for months now. I've been looking for something to put my planetary rites in, but none of my current working grimoires felt like the right ones to use. Too small, not the right energy, all that stuff. I couldn't find anything I liked. But I've looked at this grimoire ever since it arrived in the shop, and given it has seven jewels on the cover, and there are seven classical planets, well. It's perfect. And big enough to feel grandiose for the kind of magic I want to do with my rites.

Planetary magic is Big Feeling to me. It's not like my regular spellwork which can go in any old book. Calling on planetary energies to me is drawing on much bigger energies. Much deeper energies. Energies that don't come from Earth. It's tapping into something very, very old. And that requires the right kind of book. And I have finally found it. I'll pick it up next week and show it off then, but I feel good, knowing I have that coming. My rites will have a home. :D

[giorno-plays-piano]

Soft and Supple

Pairing: wolf!Bucky Barnes x bunny!reader

Warnings: dubcon, breeding, some a/b/o references, dirty talk, degradation.

Words: 1317.

Summary: The Big Bad Wolf was going to get you this time.

P.S. Please don't even ask me why 😩😩

__________

“Where are you going, baby?”

You could feel him hovering over you from behind, his arms getting restless as he cupped your breasts, breathing in your neck - you could feel the airy touch of his lips on your gentle skin. That cocky bastard had the audacity to fondle you in broad daylight like some pervert! Desperately trying to get away from Bucky, a wolf living in the forest close to the market where you were heading to buy some food, you squirmed when he turned your head towards him to give you a heated kiss, silencing your protests.

If a stranger saw you, they would call for help, but you knew it was useless: first, no one would hear you deep in the woods; second, it wasn’t the first time Bucky was doing that to you, but he had never gone further from there, usually slapping your ass and letting you run away as fast as you could, mocking you with his whistling or yelling something dirty. It looked insane, but you felt it was his way to communicate - in the end, he was a wolf, and you were born a little, weak bunny. His instincts kicked in every time he saw you.

“I’m... I’m not y-your baby.” you mewled when he finally let go of your lips, grinning at you like a predator willing to play with its prey. “You have to stop it! We’re n-not some savages.”

“Yeah? Would you like me to eat you like a Big Bag Wolf should, baby?” his breath was warming your long bunny ear, and you giggled, unable to hide your reaction from him. “Don’t tell me you don’t wanna fuck, bunny girl. You’ve been wagging that sweet fluffy tail in front of me the whole time like a slut.”

Oh, he was really getting riled up today, you thought and glanced back at him, shaking a little: while he would manhandle you every time you passed through this part of the forest, Bucky had never forced you to have sex with him. It looked like he was barely holding on today, his long rock-hard cock rubbing against your ass.

“Bucky, please. I was just passing by.” You muttered when he lowered his lips to your neck, his sharp teeth scraping it a little and drawing a pained sigh from you.

Shit, his hand was quickly travelling down your stomach: he cupped your pussy through the fabric of your shorts, leaving a hungry kiss on your neck and making you shiver with want, your hormones raging, making it even harder to resist him. Nonono, you couldn’t do it, you couldn’t submit to that damn cocky wolf who had been harassing you for months and was really going to rape you this time. You had to get out and report him, make police issue a restriction order or something, anything to keep Bucky away...

“There are lots of paths through the forest, but every time you come to my house like a girl who can’t help herself, knowing what’s gonna happen.”

He already had you pinned against the wall, your basket dropped somewhere to the ground, but you could barely focus when the wolf grabbed your ears, pinching them between his calloused fingers and making you squirm like a pathetic little bunny you were. It’s your weak spot, those damn soft, overly sensitive ears Bucky kept massaging with his thumb, making your knees tremble. Shit, shit, shit, it’s so good when he’s doing that, it’s so good your pussy got wet in a couple of seconds.

“I’ve heard pretty bunnies like you can cum real hard from just a small tickling of their ears. That’s true, baby? You gonna cum for me?” He tainted you, his lips ghosting over yours when he stared you in the eyes, watching you giving him a cute little sob, your lower lip quivering.

You wanted to tell him to leave you alone, let you go and never do this again to you, but you couldn’t, you couldn’t say anything but mewl when he stroked your soft, fluffy ears, his rough hands playing with them so good it turned off your brain, your juices leaking to the point Bucky could see the stains on your shorts, getting hungry for more. He then massaged them harder, pressing his thumbs to the inner part of your long ears, punching them with his fingers, crumpling their ends until you let out a high-pitched moan all of a sudden and started cumming right in front of him, your eyes rolling back into your skull when you opened your mouth, showing the wolf your little bunny tongue.

“Shit. Didn’t know it was true.” He muttered at the sight of you, your knees trembling as you quickly slumped down, unable to keep yourself standing - your shorts had been so stained Bucky wondered if it were easier to just throw them away rather than make them presentable again. “Oh baby, we’re gonna have so much fun.”

He was going to knot you. Shit, he was going to get his knot so deep inside you that you’d cum just from it alone, dumb little baby who had been flaunting her pretty tail in front of him for so long, hoping he’d dick you down and fill you up real good. You didn’t even realize you had been in heat, but Bucky wasn’t angry at you: he knew his baby bunny was too dumb to admit she needed a good mate and a good fuck. Luckily, your hormones worked better than your brain, so you would pass in front of his house every time your little pussy throbbed, giving him a good look at you. Sure, you acted like you didn’t want it, a fucking tease, but Bucky knew what he needed to do.

It just took him a bit more time to reorganize the rooms: his own desperately needed a makeover since you’d share it with him soon enough, and the nursery had to be built from scratch. Dumb little bunny, you had no idea how hard it was for a wolf like him to keep calm, stopping himself from jumping at you the second you walked near his house. Bunnies like you wanted to fuck till they could no longer speak, but wolves like him had to take care of their families, providing for them so that their sweet little babies would live in a safe place and have food on the table. Bucky didn't blame you, though. You were his cute, dumb bunny who needed a strong and smart wolf like him to live a good life.

"Bu-Bucky." you squirmed when he took you in his arms, lifting your from the ground and barging in the house, getting straight up to the room he finished renovated just yesterday, a new comfy bed awaiting for you two. "We c-can't do that... What if I get pregnant?"

"Of course, you'll get pregnant after you milk my cock like a good bunny girl you are." he growled into your ear, stripping you of your clothes, watching your wet throbbing pussy asking for a cock when he started fingering you just in case your cunt wasn't loose enough to fit him all, his knot getting painfully big. "How many babies you gonna give me, huh? Three? Four? Maybe more if I knock you up well?"

When you tried talking some sense into him, putting your arm on his chest to keep him away but ending up softly caressing it, Bucky sent you a wolfish grin, bottoming you out in one thrust - he couldn't wait a second longer, his own instincts taking over him when he started fucking you into his bed, loosening your leaking cunt for his fat knot. Oh, your sweet bunny pussy was the best. He'd make sure he got you knocked up the first time he filled your cunt with his cum.

_________

Tags: @finleyjayne @alexakeyloveloki   ​@helenaeisenhower @villanellevi @hurricanerin @inlovewiththefictionalcharacters @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @navegandoaciegas @rosalynshields @brattycherubwrites @sllooney @angrythingstarlight @lookiamtrying @buckysbunny @soleil-dor @stargazingfangirl18 @dillybuggg @literate-lamb @cosicas-cuquis @sarge-barnes-sir @buckybarnesplumwhore @jaysayey @megzdoodle @gotnofucks @lux-ravenwolf @ximebebx @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @sourpatchspinster @iheartsebandchris

[robynlilyblack]

Robyns Procrastination Tuesday / Request and Series updates

Due to the ball yesterday I didn't have time to do this so we will have procrastination tuesday instead this week

Procrastination Monday Tuesday

So most of my morning was in bed because I am so tired, my lil hermit self had fun but my social battery is zapped. On the plus side I do though have inspiration to write tonight!

The drawing is my sketch for the Polaroid which will be in Part 3 of the Holiday series. I'm sure you can guess who it is x

Request Updates

I have alot of requests and i might not be able to do every one but I shall try x as always here are some notes on stuff I'm working on

James Potter x Slytherin reader, enemies to lovers - forced proximity with them working on a extra credit project after arguing so much they messed up the orginal in class assignment

Remus Lupin x reader, hella slow friends to lovers - Reader was dating sirius but when he is taken to Azkaban, Remus and reader find comfort in one another and eventually fall in love

Fred Wealsey x reader, kinda acquaintances to lovers (featuring quietly pinning Freddie)- Reader dated Draco in secret revealing their relationship after the war but when he is 'forced' to get an arranged marriage and accepts it, breaking up with the reader she opens up a shop across from the twins where she and fred fall in love.

I have ones for Remus and wife! reader that has a daughter, Sirius secreting dating reader where they are sneaking about (feat James and Reg doing the same thing), and finally a heavy angst Sirius one

I have smaller drabbles/blurbs for Ginny, Hermoine, Marlene and others xx

If i haven't mentioned one you've sent in don't worry I have a few that are similar, eg i have 4 Sirius x Slytherin reader ones, and i don't want to write them all at once 💛

OH AND MORE WOLFSTAR DADS!

Series Updates

I have been really bad at updating, I am still so excited about these but as you can read below i've been having a couple of setbacks x

The Holiday - Took me a bit to choose which scene I wanted to draw then struggled with the sketch a fair bit...although i did draw a raindow robin which is hella cute

Bookshop Girl - the next few chapters are complex as this is the one which sets up next which will be split into three parts, showing the same day from Remus, Sirius and the readers perpective. So everything has to interlink. I do have it planned out and I will be trying to get it out soon x

(better taking a while and getting it right than rushing it right? 💛)

Possible Part 2's (Will write when i can x)

Welcome to the family ~ it will include Draco at a Weasley christams dinner and wolfstars daughter will be played by one of my OCs (Robyn, so imma be your best friend in this fic x)

Truth or dare ~ perhaps Remus and the reader find comfort in one another and Sirius has to watch

Double date ~ James' best man speech

You ever wonder if birds are afriad to fly? ~ lil angst during the christmas dinner, fun fact the ending orginally was at the dinner where george does something really petty but i scrapped it because i couldn't get the twins argument right since I hadn't written alot back then

Shes a keeper ~ someone catcalling his puff and her going off on them and sirius is like thats my girl

Smart cookie ~ so I got a request in for Remus explaining the story for harry and I love it but a part of me wants to write their whole frickin story...i'll make a seperate post about this to gage if people would read it x

[doctorbunny]

MILGRAM theory time: Haruka!

This isn't going to go super in depth (famous last words) but there's a few heavily debated parts of Haruka's MV I want to share my findings/thoughts on because I think this is my new special interest and during my quest to get best boy's song to 1 million views I have been looking over his first MV with a fine tooth comb so to speak.

Disclaimer: As the Jackalope said in the "This is the MILGRAM" trailer, we don't necessarily know everyone's crime from just the first video, its possible that a lot of things will be re-contextualized in the second MV, however I am not psychic or bilingual and thus will only be working with content released before August 20th 2021 and translated into English (which could cause some language/cultural details to be lost on me as translation is not a 1 to 1 process).

TW for discussions of ableism, child abuse, murder and animal death. Also this is really long so sorry to all the people that follow me for non-MILGRAM stuff

Firstly, I want to start on the topic of Haruka as a person. He is disabled. He does not have 'the mind of a child' (although he is 17, making him legally a minor in both North America and Japan). He is not just 'child-like'. And he is not mentally ill (well he might be, in the sense that many disabilities like Haruka's have strong comorbidities [where a person has two or more conditions but neither directly causes the other] with anxiety, depression and PTSD, but usually when I see people talk about him 'struggling with mental illness' they go on to refer to aspects of his disability). Sometimes on tumblr, people like myself, will see canonical traits written into a character and identify them as being traits associated with our disabilities/mental illness and headcanon them as such. Sometimes this even involves saying things like "It's basically canon!" Although we understand that these characters were probably not the result of a writer intending to write a disabled person. When I say that Haruka is being written as a person with a neurodevelopmental disability, I mean the writer intended to write a disabled character and wrote them in a way that they wanted the audience to pick up on. As an autistic person (which is one of many neurodevelopmental disorders and also something I probably didn't have to specify because who else would be writing an essay about a series they got into a few days ago at 11 o'clock at night) I really like how Haruka has been written so far. There's definitely some parts of him that have been exaggerated so abled normies can pick up on his disability (namely how his MV 's main motif is really child-like drawings) but the writers also included a lot of smaller details I appreciate like how it is noted he avoids eye contact when talking to other people and is depicted as nervously pulling at his sleeves in official artwork, or how he says he finds his prison uniform (which has tight straps) 'relaxing' and when he gets nervous/tense, he will dig his fingernails into the palm of his hands. (These last two potential being examples of 'self stimulation' [aka stimming] where a person seeks out specific sensory stimuli in order to help regulate their nervous system/emotions, in this case the tight uniform creates a comforting, secure feeling [you may have heard about some people preferring to sleep under weighted blankets for this reason] and digging nails into his palms sounds uncomfortable/painful but is done in an attempt to deal with a greater sensory discomfort caused by the situation/environment) I also appreciate the depth he is written with, he struggles to communicate verbally but in his MV and interactions with other inmates is shown to have insecurities, opinions and a consistent thought process (this is all basic character stuff but unfortunately not always present in disabled characters)

Also I want to add that (in terms of what we've been shown so far) Haruka did not kill anyone because of his disability/mental illness. Disabled people are not inherently more innocent than abled people. But there is no disability/mental illness where a symptom is that you kill people and real people have to live with the stigma when you speak carelessly and suggest things like "Haruka is the kind of mentally ill person who kills people as a cry for help" 🧂 (or at the very least real people have to read BS like that and cringe). TL;DR Haruka is less child-like and more onion-like (as in, he has layers) 🧅🧅🧅

Now is the actual theory stuff, oops:

Every prisoner in MILGRAM is supposed to have committed murder in some way, obviously considering Yuno just had an abortion (which i personally do not consider an act of murder) whilst Mu literally stabbed someone to death, this definition is stretched a bit. But it is not agreed upon yet who Haruka killed/how many people he killed or why he killed.

In his MV he is shown to have chased after his dog into a forest, seen something off-screen, then beaten something into a messy pulp with a rock. Some people think the dog is a red herring and that Haruka actually killed his mother/the girl from the fireworks show/his brother. I do not agree.

First: I believe Haruka when he says he doesn't have a brother. The MV literally starts by Haruka looking in the mirror and then switching between the him now

and a really similar looking younger child who just so happened to be a key feature of his memories (I don't have the vocabulary to explain it but its like cinematic parallels that establish this is the same person at different points of their life)

Its not impossible that this is Haruka's secret younger brother, but i think its unlikely. I saw someone saying they had to be different people because Haruka looks less happy than the child but like, most 17 year olds are less visibly happy than when they were 7 (or however old the child is meant to be). Life happens.

So when Haruka is shown pushing the child around and eventually strangling him, this isn't meant to be literal (homicide or suicide), but a representation of how conflicted Haruka feels about his younger self, who may have committed the murder (if you've ever been kept awake cringing at memories of something you said in the past and wishing you could go slap some sense into your former self, this is like that but 10 times more self loathing). The lyric "I am always repeating yesterday," implies he might think about this specific past event a lot.

Moving on, its pretty well accepted that Haruka's parents were abusive in some way and Haruka internalised a lot of it: he constantly apologises, he says in his interrogation questions that his one wish come true is that "[he] want[s] to be loved" and describes in his MV how when he couldn't find the words he was looking for ("you're unfair") one of his parents "would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless.”". He seems to know its unfair but also still says he 'loves' his family, possibly mistakenly believing it is his fault, but also showing an awareness of his situation (and how his parents might behave).

Now, the MV is stylised in a way that makes certain details unclear, but there is one clear detail showing that Haruka's dog was killed

This is the first close up of Haruka and the dog. Haruka's mother is just out of frame supervising, but they look pretty happy. Notice how the puppy has a silvery chain for a collar. Somehow, this dog gets out of the house but only Haruka is shown chasing after it (whether his mother was searching elsewhere or didn't bother following her disabled son into the forest is unclear). Either way, young Haruka is now in the forest, unsupervised.

By the time he finds the dog, there is already blood, suggesting it was initally attacked by something else.

is this a sigh of relief from a boy whose finally found his beloved pet or a jealous weakling glad that nature took its course and he is finally free of that meddling mutt stealing all his mummy's attention? /j

I think this shock at the discovery that 'there is blood on his hands' could imply that rather than literally getting the blood from his dog, Haruka has seen his already injured dog and realises that if the dog got out because of him (he is previously shown to be aware his parents seem to blame him for everything) then he is the reason his dog is injured/dying and will be blamed for it. (this scene plays over the lyrics "It’s fine, though it’s really not It’s really fine, though I don’t really think so When I tried to understand it, You’ll make that disappointed face again" suggesting he is trying to avoid making his parents disappointed and letting the family pet escape into danger is something that could make them very disappointed)

now we get into rock murder (this is present-day Haruka implying that this is either: not how the scene really played out; the writers really wanting the audience to know that this was Haruka's doing and not someone else's; or this turns into a separate incident that happened much later [although note that the red sky and blue moon is the same as when young Haruka first appears at the start])

b the corpse is beyond mangled now, but its clearly the dog because the silver chain collar is still there, to the right of the body. (circled in red for your convenience :3)

My hypothesis is: Haruka didn't set out to kill his dog, but upon finding it injured (we don't know the severity aside from bleeding and also it not being able to run away from Haruka kneeling down above it w/ a big rock so it could range from treatable with a lot of vet help to already on death's door, TBH I don't think Haruka would know the difference) He knew he'd be blamed for this; made into a villain who let the poor puppy come to harm. He panicked and killed the dog out of some idea that it would make him the victim here (since he'd be found crying over a dog corpse, which might make a parent go comfort him rather than getting angry about what could've happened to the dog). This is over the lyrics: "I cried, I screamed I wanted to be a pitied and loved weakling I was in denial, I was in denial I just had to make sure I’ve become a victim, I’ve become a victim" (there's another theory that he was also jealous of the dog, which could work here too, since this is not some calculated plot; rather its a rash decision) This ties in with his Japanese song title (translated as Weakness) which is a play on a phrase sort of like "The strong eat, the weak do not" to become "The weak are eaten by society" or "The weak eat each other to survive" [once again I am reminding everyone this is based on second hand information from the youtube comments section (from users mitchki and Alphaistic) because I do not speak Japanese] This second meaning (The weak eat each other to survive) makes sense under the reading that Haruka killed his dog in order to 'survive' making his parents disappointed for the dog escaping.

Miscellaneous points:

We don't know where Haruka's necklace came from yet, it must be a gift since the most expensive thing he's ever bought was cotton candy. The younger child in the video isn't wearing it and neither is his mother or the girl in the purple dress.

Haruka's home seems quite big, at the start we can see a large flower garden outside the window and there's a forest in walking distance. This might suggest his family is quite wealthy

Haruka probably did go to school at some point as homeschooling is not a legally accepted as an alternative to public schools in Japan. (However it is estimated that up to 5000 families homeschool, this is uncommon) A lot (about 62%) of Japanese schools apparently have a 'special needs' classes and there are about 505 schools focused on educating intellectually disabled students (although I do not know which sort Haruka would've needed as whilst intellectual and development disabilities can be comorbid they aren't the same). Now, if children aged 7-14 don't go to school, their parents receive a fine, but its possible that if Haruka's parents are wealthy, they just paid it to avoid sending him to school. (This might imply they wanted to hide him or were generally ashamed of him in some way) However high school education (for students over 14) is not legally required and its likely that even if Haruka went to elementary/middle school, he hasn't been around people his own age in at least 3 years. As he seems quite lonely and glad that the other prisoners give him attention.

I don't think Haruka's parents are divorced and if they are, its not his father who left. Haruka mentions in the 30 questions that he thinks he disappointed his father. But still includes him as part of his family ("My father and mother and me"). A theory I've seen is that his father was disappointed by his son being disabled and left. but developmental disabilities (especially in non verbal and semi verbal children like Haruka) can be diagnosed before the age of 3, so I feel it is unlikely that Haruka would bring up his father if he left that early in Haruka's life

All MILGRAM prisoners have covered one of DECO*27's older vocaloid songs (DECO*27 is a well known producer who composes the music for MILGRAM) Haruka covered 'Two Breaths Walking' (https://youtu.be/puXLfVWrz2Q) which is about a boy's first relationship and how his mother's jealousy set him up for failure as the relationship becomes toxic (specifically it has some very funny out of context lines like "Whose breasts are you sucking on now?") so yeah, mommy issues: the song (Also: some people say in the song, the boy kills the girl at the end, but this isn't literal, TBW is the first of a trilogy of songs about the same relationship, it is followed by Android girl then Two Breaths Walking: Reloaded and the story resolves with the couple reuniting as adults and getting in the relationship again, although its not necessarily as abusive as before, its still implied to be codependant ending on the line 'We should live like oxygen tanks, sucking breathe from the words each of us exhale, until our last breathe')

In all seriousness, the scene where younger Haruka is walking through the city with his mother but it keeps repeating until older Haruka pulls the younger one away might indicate an attempt to focus the happier memories of his parents (since this is also over the lyrics "Why is it breaking? Tell me why? Please don’t change If I tried and couldn’t say it, You would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless.”" which depict a worse scene) I think both his parents are still physically present but have become far more emotionally distant, not giving him as much attention, which exacerbates his loneliness from not having any friends his own age to talk to

And if one of his parents did leave? I think its likely his mother since she is shown disappearing out of his reach after the dog-incident (inferring she got angry/disappointed in Haruka anyway) This could also be where he got his necklace from: Its something his mother used to wear (although this is 100% a guess) and that's why its shown to be important to him

This one is just me, but i didn't realise until a rewatch that when Haruka is watching the younger him and the girl running together, the background has fireworks. Haruka mentions fireworks being a key memory to him so I wonder if this was one of the first/last times he got to make a friend...

On three separate occasions in the interrogation, Haruka mentions not liking animals. Despite this, he is depicted as sleeping with a rabbit plush and on his birthday art (I'd include that too but tumblr only allows 10 pictures per post, so here's a link) he is standing next to a giant blueberry and strawberry cake with two bunny themed biscuits at the side. Through my experiences of seeing Japanese fandom art on pixiv, sometimes rabbits are used to insinuate a character is cute and timid in fanart.

Meaningless details: Haruka sleeps with his necklace on; he sleeps on a bed and not a futon; at first I thought he woke up holding his plush's hand but his hand is merely next to the toy; and considering the state of the pillow and blanket, I wonder if he moves a lot in his sleep or if the is just because in this case he seems to be waking up from a nightmare about the dog incident...

Final note: I've spent so many hours writing this I don't remember if i was building up to any big finale or not but I hope you enjoyed reading this! Feel free to add on in the comments/reblogs.