#and I have never been able to build a romantic attraction to any guy I've dated

[elainewellspoetry]

Playing The Part | 2.26.24 Note: This is the second poem I've written about this topic in 2 days and I'm realizing now that the reason it's been so hard to write in the past year is because I haven't been writing honestly. I was trying so fucking hard to write love poetry about a guy I wasn't into, and now I'm just speaking my feelings and it's so easy to write again.

[uravitypng]

Ouuu, may I participate in this cute Valentine event? 👉👈 Hm, if I can, I'd like to pick Hawks from MHA as my guy of choice <33

I'm a 170 cm, chubby/curvy gal with dark blonde hair and glasses. (Hawks is barely taller than me lololol) Idk if you know mbti and star signs so I'll throw them in just in case - I'm a cancer enfp! Personality wise, I've been told that I am very doting, honest, bold, outgoing, affectionate, clingy, witty and friendly! I'm not shy when it comes to talking to strangers, especially if they catch my eye. (Physical touch is also a massive love language of mine!!!!) Although, I do unfortunately get embarrassed way too easily sometimes. I wouldn't call myself a true extrovert as I do have my moments but I'm much better than most of my friends, who are almost Shigaraki level shut ins.

My hobbies include - reading, writing, listening to scary stories and podcasts, watching tv shows/anime, and just overall being a big goofball with my friends! I love them sm, they're so cute <333

For my bad side, I have this habit about keeping my feelings locked up until I burst but that's usually only in very extreme cases. I am very sensitive and pick up a lot of little things that most people don't see and it freaks them out sometimes. This also depends on who you ask because you either love it or hate it but I can get a bit too random sometimes. I just kind of say what's on my mind, no matter how unhinged. It might sound quirky on paper but it's not always the case lmao, trust me.

I'm not exactly sure what else to add. If there's anything else, feel free to let me know!!

𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐇𝐀𝐖𝐊𝐒…

have surprised romantic attraction!

- hawks never thought he'd have any romantic feelings towards anyone. he's not exactly the playboy personality that the media show him as but he doesn't have the desire to date anyone. that is until he met you of course. - how could he not fall in love with you? you met by chance and he was drawn to how honest you were, calling him out on his bullshit. whenever he'd smile was too bright and too forced at fans you'd say, you'd say when he played up his flirty personality. - he felt like you saw the real him, everything about you made you him feel that way. - you show genuine affection towards him, keigo, not pro hero hawks. sure you love the side of him that saves people every day and captures villains but you love keigo more, when he doesn't have to put on any mask or act any way for the public, when he can be his complete self. he loves when that happens because no one has given him that real affection through most of his life. - hawks thrives off embarrassing you since it happens too easy, he thinks its cute. - whenever your feelings burst out after bottling them up for so long, he doesn't change his opinion of you in anyway whatsoever. instead he'll try and make light of the situation and buy you something from the shops that you like or offer to give you a 'free flight' taking you high up to a tall building where you can look at the city below you and pretty sky. - being so outgoing is great because you can go to parties and functions with you as his plus one, being able to talk to everyone without feeling nervous, even if they're strangers - physical contact?? oh yeah. he can't keep his hands off you. he thinks you're so beautiful and he loves going up behind you and grabbing you by your waist

you and hawks are literally perfect together oh my god!

valentine's day event

[nekobami]

HUGE SPOILERS. (Screenshots I took w some comments & thoughts - not too hight quality however)

Oh wow. Long text.

I mean, finding out that everything was a plot fanficed by the demon and Morty's mind alone couldn't have been a better plot, I mean, It's really funny how Morty sees the random and insane things that happen to them.

Even though it's always something really out of the ordinary, I don't know how to explain it, but... Like, I can't help but feel like everything is too convenient. Because the focus is on fear, I mean at the end, it's an unconscious fear-focused narrative built using Morty's worldview as bricks. So that he didn't even know that this was really his fear at the end of the day.

But I'm surprised he doesn't even suspect how convenient and quick everything is. Like, "HOLY SH#T, A YOUNG RICK JUST ENTERED THE LIVING ROOM BURNING TO DEATH HOLDING A DIANE." JUST LIKE THAT. IN THE SAME SPEED YOU RED IT

But in parallel, I love how Morty sees the partnership between him and Rick. In the end, despite all the lore, all the narrative burden that should separate Rick from this family, Morty still sees them as the two weird friends who isolate themselves to talk to each other when something sinister happens. I also felt something in Rick's expression during this episode, but I talk about that in the screenshot

(( Marriage working out sounds ))

I also loved the "anti-aging thing" and the "Dad, stop! you're traumatizing her." I mean, For Morty, everything is so convenient for Rick that he can simply inject a blue liquid into his vein and become young again. CASUALLY. Not that it doesn't exist. It's probably something exactly like this.

WAKE UP, SUNSHINE! YOU HAVE A VIRTUAL EXISTENCIAL CRISIS TO LIVE!

By the way. I agree with other opinions I've seen recently. All of this is completely set up from the beginning, and it certainly wouldn't be so easy for Diane to simply ignore her grandchildren and her thirty-year-old daughter just to casually hang out with Rick. I mean, it's part of it. But bro. I'm sorry, I know Rick is a silly and romantic guy when it comes to it, even more so with HIS WIFE, the woman of his life, BUT, a breakfast bot? It still sounds too much like Morty's vision of Rick's flirting skills to me. Anyway. BREAKFAST BOT.

OHHH yeah, look at them. They're not real, but will make you feel good.

Oh, also. About this... this... thing. Like, I have to agree that it was a very wise choice to have only Morty go into the hole. Like. That demon devours your fears clearly means he enters your mind, he knows you by what you fear. He will use everything you know to taste your fear and suck everything out of you. He won't kill you, I guess. He was probably just making fun of Morty about his fear thing being able to actually kill someone. But he is a demon. Supposedly that's what he does. Unless maybe he has adapted to feed himself without actually needing to kill someone, or if he casually lets people live just for the sake of it. I don't know... I can't help but feel like this guy never needed them to go into the hole to build the narrative.

He's already managed to find out about everything Morty knows about Rick. Now imagine what we would have seen if he knew everything Rick knows about himself and others? I'm sorry, but it would obviously be too heavy. I know, it hurts. And you cannot compare the extent of people's fear, after all it is completely individual. But, my friend, imagine what this guy would discover about the multiverse as it is, just by getting into Rick's mind? The recourse he would have in this here is above tolerable. HOW DAMN POWERFUL CAN THIS GUY ACTUALLY BE? Hihi. Fear hole demon. I'm totally not attracted by him.

Also. Holy sh#t.

Cursed as f#ck, damn, ew, it wasn't even necessary, please don't do nothing similar to this, I'm begging you. I can't see this again in any context.

About Rick's expressions. (Yes. Yeah, yeah, the whole narrative load of this interaction between them, and Rick coming back after hearing that Diane was there, Morty afraid of Rick hugging him still being a hole thing, Morty afraid of being replaced, Rick coming back to put up Morty's photo, photo of Morty in the wallet, yes yes, extremely nice, lots of cool stuff, of course. But I would like to point out something.)

I could be wrong, after all I didn't watch the episode again. Like, I know Rick being with his wife must have exacerbated that factor, but throughout Morty's fear-centric narrative, Rick's features are softened, I don't know how to explain it. But in that moment, when Morty comes out of the hole, what really is Rick as an individual comes in, and not just the Rick built with Morty's vision of him and their interactions. Like, he just got that totally tired annoyed-like expression, since, after all, he's still affected by the recent events, and his face... Uh, I can't explain it perfectly, but around him is still heavy, while in Mortys narrative, things seems... lighter, since they've SUDDENLY, VERY CONVENIENTLY got another worries. And even if he was romantic with her in the narrative... I can't explain, but he was still very... cold and insensitive at times. Something that I find very difficult for Rick to do, as an individual and being extremely affected by all his experiences.

Anyway. Nice episode. Definitely. Merry Christmas too. HAHA. Christmas.

[g-xix]

wellll my mom might be a bit ‘woah’ about it, but my dad is out of the conversation. why? well, i haven’t got one ☺️ that’s one of the reasons i think why i’m considering this whole thing, like why i’m attracted to someone with more power and age gap. not to trauma dump here, but let’s just say that my dad isn’t my dad in my eyes 😁

in my opinion every girl’s first love should be their father, as they’re supposed to show their daughters love, affection, attention and care (obviously nothing romantic, then ur dads a douche) but the girls who don’t get to have that experience will then search for it in guys that could resemble somewhat of a father figure. that’s kinda what i like about him honestly, i like knowing i’m doing good in his classes to get praise and make him proud. that way he kinda shows me that love i didn’t really grow up with

i don’t really know if he’s interested in me tbh, i get the vibe he is, but i could also just be completely delusional. he started working here last year (when the school year started) so we’ve never met while i was under the age of 18 !!

Oh hey again student anon!

Yeah, i see wym in terms of not having a proper father figure - there's a lot of Freudian theology about how fathers influences daughters + mothers and sons, but i think that overall, for most ppl, parents will be the people that they've known longest so obvi they'll have the most effect on a lot of ppls' growth and development - especially the subconscious kind, as we pick up pretty much everythin we know ages 1-5, from out parents.

That feeling of sorta glowiness when you get teacher praise asw - ngl - i get the feeling too. But i think for me it's moreso that i've been conditioned to put studies + academics on a pedestal, and so now, getting that academic validation fulfils me as a lot of my self-worth is placed within that.

I suppose your fulfilment is moreso based in the fact it feels as though you're fulfilling a relationship which you lack/lacked in growing (correct me if u think this is total bullshit). You know, being able to talk and build a relationship that mirrors that which you'd want with a paternal figure. Which tbh, i've felt too w prev teachers, and ik another girlie that calls some1 her "at school Mum" which i always thought was sweet. Genuine romantic feelings for a guy, particularly a skl teacher bc of they have more power + are older, it certainly sounds like d-ddy issues which ik is a greatly discussed thing w/in modern society today... But icl i'm yet to find ppl online talking ab ways of healing that relationship and feeling, i feel like currently there's a sorta 'community' being built w ppl finding solace in sharing their Xperience w fathers + hearing the validation... But i haven't seen any construction or help for it. That being said, I don't think i have major or any notable daddy issues, so it isn't exactly my place to comment on it

It probs hard to tell whether he's interested or not ofc - considering he's a teacher so obviously there'll be an ethical line/boundary within his head, however ofc there's still the prospect that he's a human - and thus maybe he is attracted to your charisma and person

Would you be all fine if he agreed and said he was attracted to you? Ik some girlies that have like older crushes/teacher crushes are moreso fangirls than genuinely interested, in the fact that they wouldn't date or pursue a relationship w some1 older bc it's societally deemed weird + immoral for relationships w great age gaps. But considering you want to go for your teacher, is there anything in your mind that is sorta dubious or skeptical ab it?

Stay safe n rational + best wishes as per, student anon <33

[spilledsinnamontea]

as a Levihan shipper (like me ), what do you think of eruri and its popularity in the west? and also why do you think levihan is better than eruri? ( yes i know i am bias .. i am so Levihan trash)

Hello hello!

Uh oh, I feel we are trotting into a dangerous zone here xD /j But okay, here goes nothing >:D

Just to be safe, I'm going to abbreviate Erwin & Levi as EL.

Well, first of all, I like almost every dynamic between characters in SNK. IMO Isayama did a great job of building connections in his story. So, I don't really have NOTP(s) in SNK. Even if I don't ship A, B, C, or D romantically, I can still appreciate the bonds between those characters.

Regarding EL, if you've read one of my fics, you would know that I like the veterans, especially the veteran trio (Erwin-Levi-Hange). I really enjoy the relationship between Erwin-Levi, Levi-Hange, and Erwin-Hange. To me, they are close comrades who have deep trust in each other.

At first, I was not so sure what to make up in the relationship between EL though. I found Erwin to be quite intense back then, so I didn't know how to read the dynamic between him and Levi. As a trainee, Erwin seems to be much more outspoken and passionate. But as an adult, Erwin becomes more reserved. Therefore, I used to think that this man must have been hiding something. Then, I finally understood it all when I read about Erwin's backstory (and apparently he was hiding his trauma and guilt, who would've thought!).

Anyway, in short, I like EL! I feel like their personalities complete each others and they have their fair share of both meaningful as well as comedic moments. What makes them interesting to me is that they are the kind of people that you would never thought would be friends, but well apparently they are. Some might argue that Erwin was only using Levi to reach his goal. But I disagree, even in a world where there are no titans around, I still believe they would become great friends who can rely on each other. So yeah, I can see the appeal of EL.

Hence, I can understand why they are so popular, both in Japan and the west (and internationally tbh). However, their popularity had never bothered me since I already knew that M/M ships tend to be much more popular in almost every fandom in existence. I mean I've shipped Levihan (and Aruani) since 2013 and oh boy we were like a small cheerleading club back then xD

To be quite honest, I don't think Levihan is better than EL. I mean sure, in my book they are the best HAHA but I tried to never really put any relationships in a hierarchy. To me, shipping characters are more about preferences anyway. Like, we tend to ship a pair with dynamics or tropes that we love.

I ship Levihan (and not other Levi's ships) because they embody many tropes & dynamics that I like, such as opposites attract (this feels like their trademark tbh). However, their main appeal to me is the way that their relationship feels so mature and healthy but also FUN. Despite their stark differences, they are able to trust and look after each other, not only in combat but also outside. You can see them fighting together in one chapter and then see them teasing each other in the next chapter.

I also like the fact that they don't always bound together. I like crumbs (and full meal) as much as next guy, but I actually appreciate that they have their own characters moments as well as relationships with other people. It highlights their personalities which make their dynamics—when they are together—much more interesting.

Not only that, before chapter 126, their relationship and moments were actually pretty subtle (the one where you kinda have to squint to see or blink-and-you-miss-it kinda thing). Which I LIKE SO VERY MUCH! I actually prefer subtle romantic-ish moments between characters over blatant romantic moments. I like ships with potential, ships that will give me enough (not too much and not too little) materials to daydream every day HAHA. I mean, out of all the ships that I like, Levihan is the ship that I have the most fanfic ideas. They are my go-to ship every time I need to distract myself lmao.

I feel like I want to say more but man, idk, I just like them I guess. I can't put my love for them into words T_T But to sum up my feelings about them: I WISH THEY WERE MY PARENTS

That's all anon! Thank you for the ask! I hope my answer makes sense to you xD

[violentivy]

REEL FEELS: DAY 5

Latergram

I low-key missed yesterday. I took a bunch of pictures but didn't like how any of them turned out. So this is a photo I took on Friday at work when my colleague Nick was trying to find the back dock of the building we work in. He had no idea where it was. When I got a hold of him he said that he'd found the back dock.

So I went to the one for our building and took this photo.

He did not find OUR back dock. 🤣

I love working on a college campus so, SO much. It's beautiful, it's weird and it's engaging.

I can say that I unabashedly absolutely love my colleagues as well. IT attracts the Neurodivergent, diagnosed or undiagnosed. My insights are sought after and appreciated especially when it comes to anything in my special interests.

Right now those interests are Neurodivergency, network support, and finding the physical location of certain computers using Splunk (it's a security program, not jizz.)

Also, I've got a shit ton of experience doing this job. Desktop Support is old hat enough that I can usually do it in my sleep. Sometimes this means it's hard for me to stay engaged in the work. Sometimes it means it's hard to disengage.

But Nick (Or as I like to call him, Nicky) and I have a deeper understanding of one another. We don't always completely get each other, but we both have a knack for knowing when the other needs us.

Very professional work relationship. No subtext. We are both touchy feely folks though. We hug, we high five, we even chest bumped once quite by accident.

We've been in some really weird positions together putting together equipment for others. He protects me if he sees something could be harmful.

Because I'm worth protecting.

One time, our colleagues from an ajacent department were working in our space, which is usually ample enough that we can ignore them. This time, though there was just this Mount Everest level of stacks of printers. The 3 of them were jovial, but frustrated and quite loud.

I have trauma associated with this particular level of noise and intensity.

And I was at my desk, Nicky was as his. I got a hold of him through slack and told him "hey, it's too loud in here, I'm triggered, I'm non verbal and I can't calm down."

The next thing I knew, he was by my side, between me and the din.

He just sat on the floor next to me, scrolling on his phone. After the dudes had left for a while, he looked up at me and asked "are you ok now?"

I nodded, because I was.

"Do you want to go get something to eat or drink?"

And again, I nodded. He came with me and sat with me until I found my voice again.

I know I make mistakes about who belongs in what areas of my life. But Nicky is friend shaped, and he occupies a space in my mind and heart that is specifically his size.

And yeah, last year as we watched the snow come in from the second story window in front of the radiator, although we are not in any way romantically involved, it felt magical.

I knew that I was safe to just be. I could unmask around this guy and I'd be safe.

Still, I try to keep it up for him.

My autism presents as annoying. I'm too loud, too brash, too much.

I don't really feel like I have friends I can be super authentic with.

I recently met another dude who is friend shaped, but also a narcissist so, I'm keeping him at arms length. I know he and I are not psychologically capable, but I also know I can't learn if I don't play ball.

And considering my history, my first ex husband who was a Narcissist and completely fucking EVIL.

He manipulated my daughter most of her childhood. If I got her a haircut or new clothes while she was at my house, she would get punished. He locked her in the garage naked because she peed herself and threatened to not send her to school the next day. She was 5. Why I didn't call CPS THEN I will never understand.

There is even a going theory that he coached my daughter into telling CPS she was sexually assaulted. As the theory goes, she wouldn't be able to tell. She's been sitting on the dark side of the gaslight for a very long time. She once told me it was all a fabrication before she went off to college.

But that's also what a victim who didn't want her Mom to worry would say as well. That's also a young woman who wanted to make her mother feel SOMETHING before she left for school. It was hard to process that. She has since told me it is all true, that my second ex is just as bad as my first. My heart still doesn't want to believe it. But that's my kid. I protect her. If she says it's real, it's fucking real.

Even if her father has a talent for inserting false memories. (He had me convinced for a bit that he didn't beat me. Then I confronted him on that and he said I deserved it.)

The only thing that made my first ex husband disappear for good is when I told the court and everyone assembled in April of 2017 that I believed he had beaten my daughter. That he was lucky I wasn't filing criminal charges. (Still kicking myself over that, my primary concern was getting my daughter the fuck out of his care.)

But even at the hearings for my kids, he kept trying to hold my hand.

He had set his sights on me, and he always gets what he wants.

I did everything to convince him I really wasn't his type.

I fucking told you, Bill. Believe me.

I am not your cup of tea and if you had been successful, I would have destroyed you even worse.

I talked with my daughter about this yesterday. She said she didn't tell people he beat her because he would beat her worse when she did.

I can't go back into the past and fix this. I can't make it right.

I just keep telling myself that. Because it's true, I can't. I fucked up and all of my kids get to live with the consequences of that.

The people I viewed as family will be forever gone to me.

And it'll be my fault. But in time, Karma will come for her father.

Justice is coming due and I look forward to seeing how she tears his life apart.

And then, we can drag him to the proverbial dumpster on the back dock of the university he loved so well, but that never loved him back.

And, just saying I'm pretty sure if that happens, Nicky will come to work with a shovel whistling:

"somebody's gonna get itttt"

[iamwestiec]

June 17: Chengxian 💜🖤💕

childhood friends to lovers/QPPs, ace Jiang Cheng, bi & aro Wei Wuxian, modern AU

(A/N: If you're wondering about a certain other someone, he will have a wonderful, full life of his own in Suzhou in this AU but is not in this story. 💙 There are some brief mentions of offscreen ace-antagonism, not by anyone we know.)

Read on ao3

Jiang Cheng had been Wei Ying's best friend in the whole world for his entire life.

Okay. Well, not quite his entire life, but certainly since Wei Ying’s parents moved to California when he was little little, which was about as far back as Wei Ying could remember anyway. Wei Ying’s baba and Jiang Cheng’s baba had grown up in Wuhan together and been best friends when they were kids, so naturally, when Wei Ying’s family moved into the same neighborhood as the Jiangs, it made perfect sense for Wei Ying and Jiang Cheng to become best friends too.

It was Jiang Cheng who had taught Wei Ying that he didn't have to be afraid of dogs, by introducing him to Princess, Jasmine, and Lil' Love. Lil' Love lived up to her name, coming and quietly sitting in all her fluffy glory on Wei Ying’s lap every time he went over to play.

It was also Jiang Cheng who Wei Ying got drunk with for the first time. They snuck booze from the cabinet where Wei Ying’s parents kept it and laughed at the faces each other made with every shot until they stopped tasting the harsh burn, and then laughing more just because.

(Wei Ying’s mom had not laughed, not at the time, when the two teens had been sick as anything the next morning, but instead made them a gloriously greasy late breakfast and gave them lots of advice about proper hydration.

Then she told Jiang Cheng’s mom and let her scold them.)

It was Jiang Cheng who came out first, their first semester in college, when he told Wei Ying he didn't think he wanted to have sex with anyone, ever, and asked if Wei Ying thought that meant no one would ever want to date him. Wei Ying hugged him tight and told him he didn't know about everyone out there, but he knew Jiang Cheng was the best guy in the world and would be an awesome boyfriend, and he'd fight anyone who said differently.

Jiang Cheng found a group on campus for third culture LBGT kids, and Wei Ying went with him, as a supportive ally.

Which was how Wei Ying figured out that he was not just a supportive ally.

In listening to the others talk about orientation and identity and attraction and cultural expectations, Wei Ying realized that what he'd always assumed was normal—finding all kinds of people physically attractive, regardless of their gender—was actually his bisexuality. So that was kind of cool.

"So yeah, now we can be queer together!" Wei Ying said, when he excitedly shared his newfound realization with Jiang Cheng.

Jiang Cheng snorted. "Yeah, 'all' and 'nothing,'" he joked.

It was Jiang Cheng who'd helped him practice what to say to his parents when he wanted to change his major at the end of sophomore year, and Jiang Cheng who reminded him to eat and sleep and "take a fucking break, Wei Ying," those next couple semesters when he took way too many hours so he wouldn't have to rack up a whole extra year's worth of student loans to finish his new degree plan.

It was Jiang Cheng who graduated first, on a gorgeous blue-skyed sunny day in May, and Jiang Cheng who suggested Wei Ying keep living with him at his new apartment, so he wouldn't have to try to find a one-semester lease until he finished in December.

(They renewed the lease together every time.)

Jiang Cheng ribbed him playfully each time Wei Ying met someone new, but he was always there each times things fizzled out after a few months for reasons that never quite made sense to Wei Ying.

Jiang Cheng occasionally dated too, and Wei Ying was glad he never did have to fight anybody—though he did drive Jiang Cheng to the emergency room the time he came home with split knuckles from punching a guy who, "seemed to think I didn't know my own mind about certain things."

But dating sucked for everybody, right? It wasn't like Wei Ying or Jiang Cheng were in any hurry to settle down and do the whole spouse and kids thing or whatever. Wei Ying tried to imagine it and just... couldn't, though the image of Jiang Cheng with a baby was admittedly pretty cute.

~

It was not Jiang Cheng, but Jiang Yanli, a few months after she proposed to her girlfriend and they started planning their wedding, who Wei Ying finally asked, "Yanli-jie, how does a person decide someone else is their person?"

Jiang Yanli looked across the room to where Jiang Cheng was showing her soon-to-be-wife how to put side spin on a billiards ball and smiled. "I think you just know," she said. "You meet someone and you get to know them, spend time together, then one day you realize you love them and want to build the rest of your life with them."

Wei Ying wrinkled his nose. "I dunno if it works that way for me. Just some random person? I've never met anyone I can imagine wanting to live with all the time. Well, besides—huh..." he cut off suddenly and darted a look over at Jiang Yanli, who just calmly sipped her drink.

"Have you ever told him that?" she asked, after a moment where Wei Ying reassessed his entire life and dating history. "I think he might appreciate hearing it."

"I... huh. Yanli-jie, you're kinda blowing my mind here," he complained.

"I gathered," she said wryly, before fixing him with a smile that made all the hair on the back of his neck stand up. "Of course, I trust," she told him, "that I do not need to explain to you of all people how very dearly I hold my didi's happiness and well-being."

He swallowed and raised three fingers in the salute he'd used ever since the summer that—hah—he and Jiang Cheng had decided as kids that they would make their own oath of brotherhood like the heroes of their favorite show. "I, Wei Ying, swear to you that I would kick my own ass before I did anything to hurt him."

Jiang Yanli leaned over to knock her shoulder against his and nodded. "That's what I thought."

~

Turned out, dating Jiang Cheng didn't suck at all.

It felt easy in a way Wei Ying’s past dates never had, less like trying to keep up with a game whose rules everybody knew except him, more like... well, like spending time with his best friend in the whole world, but on purpose. There was also a tension in the back of Wei Ying’s mind that seemed to have lifted, though he couldn't quite pinpoint what it was that had gone.

It was Jiang Cheng who helped him figure it out.

"I think it's that now I'm able to count on this. On us," he said, when Wei Ying brought it up. "Before, whenever you went out with someone new, I wondered if this would be the time you'd find someone to fall in love with and leave me behind."

"Aww, Chengcheng! I would never!"

Jiang Cheng huffed and rolled his eyes, but his cheeks were pink. "Well, I know that now," he said, a pleased little smile breaking through his attempts at a scowl.

"As long as you're sure—" Wei Ying began, still getting used to thinking about himself with the word "aromantic." Still a so very sure that Jiang Cheng deserved to be fallen in love with.

"Hey!" Jiang Cheng cut him off. "None of that. I know you. And I know you don't see it this way, but I personally think it's pretty damn romantic that you choose to love me, on purpose."

"I simply have exquisite taste in life partners," Wei Ying sniffed, embarassed the way he always got when Jiang Cheng declared something he'd done "romantic."

"You do," Jiang Cheng agreed. "Someone told me a long time ago I was the best guy in the world and would make an awesome boyfriend, and that he would fight anyone who said differently."

Wei Ying laughed. "That's you and your sister I've promised to kick my own ass if I ever break your heart, then. Guess I'll just have to keep you forever."

"Damn right, you will," Jiang Cheng agreed, grinning smug and happy and breathtakingly beautiful. Wei Ying leaned across the couch to give him a sweet, closed-mouth kiss—the kind Jiang Cheng had shyly admitted he actually did like, a lot—and smiled too, at how lucky he'd gotten to be with his best friend in the whole world for his entire life.

🖤💜

Today's (extremely long!) thread was inspired by this WONDERFUL art of ace Jiang Cheng and bi & aro Wei Ying! Go give Midori some love on Twitter!

I spent a nonzero amount of time googling to double check when various terms and flags came into vogue, so if you're wondering, WWX & JC were in college in the early 2000s, before the ace and aro flags were designed. By the time they get themselves figured out, they can get their cute wristbands.

...which, yes, means these dingdongs spent about a solid decade living together before realizing that was what they wanted to do forever. 😉

This also means Jiang Yanli and her unnamed wife here are getting married between when California started recognizing same-sex marriages in 2008 and the Obergefell v. Hodges ruling in 2015! THIS SHIT'S RECENT!!!

Happy Pride, thank you for reading, check out more LGBTQIA+ sweetness on my #PrideMonthSnippets Masterpost!

[arethereanyoriginalusernames]

Fanfiction review : Unexpected

Disclaimer: Do not send hate to anyone mentioned in this post. If you plan to respond in anyway to this post, I ask that you remain civil to everyone. Also, this review is an opinion post. Do not take what I say here as fact. Thank you.

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I like sorbet. I do! I prefer it to ice cream, and I would gladly eat half a tub without hesitation. But if I were to eat it every day? I'd get sick of it. It's always bothersome when something like that happens. Especially in literature. Sometimes, a short story is more enjoyable than a lengthy saga. Good things can come in small packages....

... what was I talking about again? Ah, whatever.

Anyway, let's talk about zoophobia fanfiction.

*****

Those who have had the misfortune of reading my last fic review may recall that I went through each and every chapter of TDL's story. This time, however, this will be structured in a sort of ramble. I will be discussing things in sections, and I will give my overall thoughts at the end. This is a review of "Unexpected " by a "Kalum16" , who, if my memory serves me correctly, goes by @kartoonluv on Tumblr. Now, this review was not requested by anyone, so if Kalum (who I'll refer to as KL for brevity's sake) wishes this review to be deleted, I will comply with his wishes. Also, I suggest that you read this on fanfiction.net before continuing with this post.

******

Something I would like to get out of the way are my views on romance and the story's pairing. I'd like to bring these up now as I will be mentioning them later on.

Firstly, I have never been in a romantic relationship. However, I have been in love before, and I know people who are or who have been in relationships. That being said, I have considered that perhaps my lack of experience will mean that with certain things... I might not get it. The importance of certain events may be lost on me, and I may not be able to connect with things couples do.

I would also like to confess that Kayla x Damian is one of my least favorite ZP ships. The idea that after Damian basically harasses Kayla, manipulates her and Zill, and basically makes their lives miserable for his own gain, that he can be rewarded by getting the girl? Not exactly something I jive with. Also, (and this is my interpretation) I do not think that Damian's feelings towards Kayla are genuine. By that, I think (due to how little they know about each other) Dame is more in love with his idea of who Kayla is. Or, if we weren't going to look to deep into it and say that it's because he has a thing for Christians, it would make Dame's attraction pretty materialistic. Neither idea really screams "good ship!" to me.

********

That being said, let's discuss how the pairing is handled here. I'm actually on board with this depiction of the relationship. For one thing, it seems that Kay and Dame have become friends. They clearly care about one another before starting a relationship, and the story makes it so that they can relate to each other. This takes away my issue of these characters not acting knowing each other well, and thus the feelings they have towards one another come off as genuine.

I think that the story makes them out to the a cute couple. However, I still have a major issue with it, and the story as a whole.

Basically, (after a while) I think it's boring.

To best explain why, I would first like detour and discuss Damian and Kayla individually.

*******

Ladies first. I have mentioned in previous posts that I enjoyed the first chapter of this story. Back then, I had not read beyond chapter 1, as I hadn't realized that the story had been updated. And you know what? I still stand by that. In chapter 1, Kayla feels a lot more interesting than she is in the comic. It's interesting to see Kay in a situation where she basically gets what she wants, but she ends up hating it. She struggles with writers block, self doubt and regret. It's sad to see how apathetic she's become, and how she no longer holds the ambition she once did.

I also liked that she still had some internalized prejudice against demons. It made sense, and it made what was going on more interesting as it created inner conflict. Now, if the story was just the one chapter, I would have bought that her falling in love with Dame would have made all her prejudice go away. I mean, you would need to wrap it up by the end.

But we got more than 1 chapter, and thus the evaporated prejudice feels kind of contrived and like lost potential. Hell, it would have been interesting if an ongoing subplot involved Kayla conquering her prejudice by learning about demons and debunking the stories that I heard as a kid. Her just yeeting away her prejudice because she falls for one guy feels kind of lame, and going forward, Kayla feels less interesting in the fic.

Originally, she had all this regret and self doubt. While it's great to see her doing good, her issues feel like they've almost all been resolved by a makeout session. Throughout the story, Kay doesn't grow or develop in any way. Her only real issue is "I'm in love with Dame and ppl don't like it, woe is me"

There's this chapter where Dame meets Kay's parents, and I feel like I should be invested, but I'm more confused than anything. The story points out that Kay's parents were ok with Zill (who's part demon, part whatever the fuck), but they're not ok with Dame. I mean, yes, he's the antichrist, but have they not figured out that their daughter is into some weird dudes? Like, they're perspective is painted as "oh, Kay was such a good girl, and yadda yadda", but, again, they were ok with Zill. You'd think that that relationship would at least make them question that idea? Also, why are Kay's parents deer? Am I missing something?

Kay serves really only one role here. She's Dame's gf, she'll defend the relationship to the grave, and she cares about him. She doesn't become much more than that, and every chapter feels like it's redundant in reinforcing that idea. Like...ok, we get it, let's move on.

*******

Does Damian do much here? Not really. He's mainly the inverse of Kayla for the most part, being "I will defend this love, no matter fucking what". The issue being constantly brought up about how he's the antichrist, so "oh no, that makes things difficult ", is always resolved in about a chapter.

The story feels like it's trying to give Damian some development. I mean, I guess he stands up for himself against Kay's parents, and defends her from his? Oh, and there's that moment where he's like "Yo, I have no control over my life, I don't wanna be a prince, you make me happy ", etc. But not even this really does anything. The meeting with his parents feels like a repeat of meeting Kay's parents. We even get the one parent approval, one on one talk, and it's the mom, just like before. Oh, and Dame's emotional "I will reject prince-y ness to be with you " speech? All that leads to is them having sex.

Ok, well, that last one I might give a pass. I don't find sex to be that big a deal, but I know some people view it as this super important thing, so maybe through that lense, I could see sex as being an emotional payoff.

*******

One thing I won't give a pass is chapter 2, which really didn't need to be here. Jack never shows up again, Kayla can be subtracted from this chapter entirely, and the only build up to this was a couple lines in the previous chapter. The chapter itself is alright, but it feels like it should have been it's own separate story. My only idea as to why this chapter should stay is that, apart from Kayla in chapter 1, this is the only chapter with development. Damian owning up for being a shit is great, and it shows some of only god damn growth for anyone here.

Another chapter that didn't need to be here was whichever was the chapter when Zill showed up again. Admittedly, I skipped this chapter almost entirely. Look, he and Kay broke up, and they're dating different people. That's it. That's all we need. I read the first few paragraphs and the last few. I feel like I don't need to read the entire chapter to know that it's just reinforcing the idea of how great a couple Kayla and Damian are. You know, like basically every chapter in here.

*****

My biggest issue overall with this story is the relationship. As much as I've been ragging on this fic, KL is very gifted at writing. There were some instances where a reread or two could fix some wonky sentences (sounds like me reviewing my posts), but overall he does have a good grasp on it.

That being said, the relationship, the core of this story, is not interesting enough to warrant all six chapters. The only issue Kayla and Damian face are the opinions of others. They never have any reason to question the relationship, question themselves as people, or think about how to handle things. It would have been a lot more interesting if we saw them develop the close relationship the story portrays them as having. It would be interesting if we saw them learn more about each other, or discover ways to deal with each other if one of them is being a dumb bitch. We get it. They love and care about each other. The world around them think it's weird. Every chapter just reinforces the same idea again and again.

I think KL could easily make this better. There's a bunch of plot points that are never brought up more than once that could be interesting. For instance, Kayla struggling to write new songs. We could see more of how she and Dame deal with that instead of having them mention "oh yeah, the problem is fixed now ". Does Damian ever earn Jack's forgiveness? Does Kayla learn anything new about demons?

KL, I believe you when you say these two care a lot about each other. And yeah, seeing how they make their relationship work in spite of what others think is an interesting idea on paper. But the characters don't become closer to each other or anything. Why would I be concerned about the issues presented in the story when I know that they're just going to be resolved in the same way?

You know it's kind of like sorbet...

I would still nonetheless recommend this story tho. Again, as much as I've ragged on it, I still think that the story is good. As mentioned before, I don't have much experience with romantic relationships, so perhaps something here could be lost on me. I'm curious to know anyone else's thoughts.

I apologize for wasting your time

- Spooky S Skeletons

Ps. Yes, quarantine is messing with my head :) just bear with me

[search-for-light]

ShawMila or ShowMila?

ShawMila - the ship name/friendship name (depends who you ask)

ShowMila - the publicity stunt/PR name (personally I find the name's a bit mean and have only used it to present a distinction)

Before I get started, let me make it clear that this post is not an attempt to diss Camila or Shawn. It's simply presenting a personal view point. PRs are not always under the control of the artists involved. That does NOT mean the artists are lying. It's a part of the industry and contracts that fans may not appreciate but should not blame the artists for.

Okay, here we go...

This is almost an old topic since they've been seen together for quite a while now and there have been a lot of speculations. But earlier today I came across a new video on this that I want to share at the end along with my take on the whole thing thus far. It's going to be a long post so bear with me. Or skip to the end for the video. 🤷‍♀️

Shawn and Camila have been friends forever and ever since I Know What You Did Last Summer, fans have been stanning the two. Needless to say, there are A LOT of ShawMila fans and everyone has been aching for a second collab.

The build-up started in June with us getting the first pics leaked and the promos of Señorita began full on. But when everyone saw the music video, it was a frenzy considering how close and steamy the two got. It was every stans' dream. Stans were analysing if the two actually kissed. From my perspective, that's a negative. The overlapping images seemed to be trying to create an illusion of sensuality nothing more. Though there may have been a few light brushes of the lips here and there. Moreover, Camila admitted both she and Shawn very nervous about the whole shoot and said she drank a lot wine to calm herself.

Presuming they were attracted to each other forever as fans claim, shouldn't they have been more excited than nervous to be shooting such a romantic song? Although it's reasonable for one to be more nervous kissing a friend or someone you've considered your brother the way Camila has. 🙃

That was just the start. A bunch of Shawn and Camila pictures together began making the rounds almost immediately where the two seemed to be awfully close, almost intimate, with each other. This is what made it highly suspicious. Just the timing of it all. Camila had been papped with Matthew as late as May and there was hardly any time after that when the split was announced.

Of the many photos that came out, the infamous cactus pic has to be one of the most bizarre. Shawn looks right at the pap. They know they are going to get snapped so they hang around and give the pap exactly what he could sell.

An interesting anon conversation on the blog @ashotofblues revealed that you need a permit to take pictures at a residential area. So those paps were there because they were invited to take the pictures.

On July 6th videos came out of fans asking Shawn on his tour if he's dating Camila Cabello to which he furiously shakes his head *no*.

July 13, a video of Shawn and Camila kissing in a cafe is leaked. It starts with Shawn awkwardly looking around and adjusting himself and Camila seems to ready herself and face him. And Shawn puts his arm around her and they start brushing against each other's face? To be honest, I *really* wanted to see them share a kiss but this was the most awkward two people have looked kissing each other that I've EVER seen. It felt like they had never kissed anyone in their life. I almost feel bad for them. Another odd thing about this video was that there was literally no reaction from the person capturing this rare moment. And they managed to be set up at the right place at the right time. Strange we didn't see more of that. Why did they stop recording?

A few days after we get yet another leaked picture of the two kissing.

Close up I found on Twitter but sourced to @ashotofblues:

The kiss looks like something you'd see two children attempt. Or what kissing your "brother" might look like. 😭 (Unless you're the Lannisters)

Fans have tried to get Shawn Mendes to admit he's dating Camila in various ways but he simply ignores the question. In a latest video, he simply walked out of the Q&A session.

Maybe I'm different but if I was dating someone and we were caught together and he was avoiding answering questions about us, I would find that HIGHLY FISHY and almost as though he's ashamed to have been caught seen with me. But maybe that's me? Then again if I was trying to keep my relationship on the down low, I wouldn't be making out in public places to begin with. If celebs WANT to be secretive, they have people who make it possible. If they want to be spotted, their people make that possible as well.

I don't believe Shawn is that jerk of a guy to deny someone he's actually in a relationship with. The only way I can explain all of his behaviour is that this is an obvious publicity stunt but he can't exactly admit to it. That would defeat the purpose and would be in violation of his contract. Nor does he want to lie to his fans and claim he is dating Camila. At least I don't believe he would lie. It would be easier to simply ignore the question altogether. Fans will make of it whatever they will. When he said no, I believed him but his management just messed up and didn't prep him for the questions. Even when he was asked about love, he seemed flustered.

Back in January, he tweeted these specific lyrics which I found interesting.

There are other things that fans have tried to prove as signs that they are in a relationship. Him liking her posts on Instagram instantly. Do fans not realise that often the posts are not even posted by the artist themselves but they have social media managers for that sort of thing? I have never been able to like even a friend's post in a matter of seconds let alone Shawn liking them while he was supposed to be on stage.

Another was him following a jewellery account which fans tied to him buying Camila a necklace that she had apparently been wearing for a week already. PRs are MADE for fans like these. It helps both artists increase sales and currently both are the 2nd and 3rd most listened artists on Spotify.

Even though I love both as artists and genuinely ship their friendship, I find it a little hard to believe this is something other than a PR. I don't hold it against them. It's part of their contract and not in their control. However, sometimes these can be intense and affect the health of the artists involved which is why I try not to focus on it as much as their music which is why I'm a fan in the first place. Everything else is secondary.

Finally, coming to the video that motivated me to writing this post.

Do remember that they are human beings. We don't know what they are going through except what they allow us to see. Please do not use my views or views of others as a reason to harass them. If you like them, support them as artists. Because they have value beyond their relationships.

[erideights]

Through history to get to you. (2)

Summary: Reader's an angel casted out of heaven because, well, she's weird. She's in love with Crowley and, of course Crowley is in love with her. Our poor Aziraphale is just fucking tired of seeing how neither of them realize the feelings of the other.

Part one: here

Pairing: Crowley x Angel!Reader (Good Omens)

Word Count: 3219

Warnings: None, I think.

A/N: Okay so I actually have to wipe out some details because tumblr said it was too long to post it. Bitch, wtf? I've seen fics with 8K but yeah, you do you. For the record, I could (and I would love to) write a 3rd part if you guys like this so, let's go!

What for any human being were seconds, for him seemed like hours.

The hours days, and the days weeks.

How could such a vain human feeling as that one destroy his world piece by piece and rebuild it upside down?

His heart was beating so hard inside his chest he truthfully believed it would come out of it at any moment.

But yeah, often, —from time to time—, Crowley also remembered past times, crucial moments in his life.

Crucial moments with her.

How each interaction by her side throughout history had achieved the impossible: to fall in love with her a bit more, a bit deeper, every-single-fucking-day.

41 AD, we find ourselves again in the large and great Rome, its taverns still full and its people enjoying the wealth of their lives, but this time, the perspective of the universe will turn 180 degrees and will present us his point of view.

Just nipped in for a quick temptation, he thought, a simple job, going in and out, enjoying the best concoction he could buy and leaving as he had come; without friends, without insubstantial talks of any kind with drinking companions or beautiful ladies to enjoy a night of pleasure.

He would leave the same way he came there; alone.

Having clear his priorities and how events would develop, he should add that the presence of Aziraphale didn’t surprise him. Not at all. They had the strange tendency to meet once every certain number of years and exchange a couple words, like two old friends who meet in the darkness of the night to become a distant memory when the sun rises.

However, he saw her.

A young woman with long hair, smooth and immaculate skin and so bright, Crowley could confuse her with one of the many stars that he, before falling into darkness and the shelter from Hell, helped to build.

Not only did she stand out for her colorful choice of attire, which he no doubt saw reflected in him, but for her presence; It gave the impression that she could change the world if she wanted with a single smile of hers.

But Crowley didn’t see her smile, not yet.

She nipped her bottom lip nervously, eyes fixed on Aziraphale’s, who after inviting the demon to eat, had excused himself for a second without giving reasons. Without saying why.

She was the why, or so Crowley guessed, taking a long sip of the drink in his hand to hide a small, amused grin behind his pottery; what could it be that would hysterise so much the nerves of that beautiful woman?

He was dying to know it, and long before he had even known her name, he was already thinking of her with more interest than, perhaps, he should.

1538, oh, the beautiful Venice during the heyday of the Renaissance in Italy, what a joyful time for artists, aristocrats, noble European families with their ornate clothes and eccentric homes.

Its intricate canals were full of life, of gondolas with lanterns as companions and lovers enjoying the calm offered by the night while the musician, unknown to his people but key to the romantic atmosphere that reigned there, dedicated his poems and songs to the most beautiful of the ladies, the one who lived in his memory, who stole his heart and prevented his rest when trying to sleep.

Oh, Venice, cruel your final sentence, the destruction that awaited you behind the darkest corner, because a demon without bad intentions but with a job to fulfill walked for your cobbled streets and through your low buildings, the smell of salt flooding his nostrils and filling his lungs until exhale a deep sigh that would be lost in the night air.

He couldn’t help but think that scenario would have been to the liking of his friend, the book-loving angel, because if he wasn’t misinformed, the magnificent city housed the first public library in all Europe. He could already hear Aziraphale eager about all the books he could read during his stay, or see reflected in his eyes the affection that the celestial being professed towards all the knowledge of the universe stored in those leather covers full of sheets of paper.

He’d thought of her, too. Crowley always thought about Y/N when visiting a new city, how he would enjoy walking hand in hand with her when discovering the hidden beauty in its streets or hearing her melodious voice, probably excited to discover a new artist to idolize; she loved art.

The problem was that each and every time he was thinking about her in that way, he felt disgusted with himself. He hated it. He hated that warm feeling that spread from his heart to every one of his nerves when he thought of her, when he met her soft gaze or, when by chance, he felt the brush of her fingers on his skin.

He hated love.

He was a demon, for fuck’s sake! He shouldn’t be able to feel love. He shouldn’t want to feel love. He shouldn’t even think about love.

But there he was, making a fool of himself whenever he could be with her.

He hated it, but at the same time, He needed it. He needed her.

Melody of soft, sweet violins then slid through the air and between the voices of those who walked down the avenue to reach the demon, who with slow but sure steps was heading towards his destination, ready to start the mission assigned to him and be able to move quickly to another place. Or enjoy the experiences Venice could give him, whatever first seemed to crave his exquisite persona.

A huge mansion stood out among all the houses at the end of the road, its eccentric facade screaming loudly that it belonged to Italian nobility that little wanted to leave to the imagination of others; showing off was a luxury that not everyone could enjoy. And so, its tall and ornate doors, wide open so that everyone could look inside, let the light escape from it to illuminate the street, successfully attracting the gazes of children, families, onlookers and other spectators who, by chance, passed by.

Two vast guards, whose clothes gave the impression of imitating the fates of The Death, made sure that no one who didn’t have an invitation could go inside.

Crowley, for example, was one of those people not invited to the party, but bold of anyone to assume something like that could stop him, because with a small, subtle and smug smirk adorning his lips and a snap of his fingers, both guards nodded at once and stepped aside, imitating for him a small corridor to get to the inside.

But that smile? Vanished from the moment he put a single foot in that place, feeling his whole body assaulted by a violent shiver that ran from head to toe and held his breath for more seconds than he would have wished.

He knew by heart that feeling, and from the moment he felt it ruffling his skin, he knew he was fucked up and that, most likely, he wouldn’t accomplish his mission. It couldn’t be that easy, right?

A deep and heavy sigh, followed by a shake of his head, accompanied him to the true interior of the luxurious home, crowded to the unthinkable by hundreds of people of high social status in the Italian community, their faces hidden behind masks of thousands of colors and different forms, their bodies, at the same time, wrapped in clothes, jackets and dresses of an exquisite quality that of course, matched the theme of each of their costumes.

A venetian masquerade wasn’t exactly the best scenario to search and identify someone from among all of its guests, but soon his slitted eyes scanned the huge room with hysteria running his veins and an iron pressure tightening his mischievous heart.

The positive side of all that? His mask —black, with golden and red details; what an unexpected surprise— fitted perfectly to a large part of his face, making unnecessary the use of sunglasses so that his peculiar eyes didn’t draw attention to him and, therefore, helping being able to see perfectly normal in the dim light of the hundreds of candles that illuminated the ballroom.

Couples dancing to the tune of the tender melody were gathered in the center of this one, the rest occupied by groups that chatted lively, young men waiting their turn to dance with the lady of their dreams and some more… unfortunate, who only dreamed from their corner with a glass of champagne between his fingers and his sad expression hidden behind a venetian mask.

Some collide against him, too absorbed in his search to bother to dodge people or find a safer route to move, but would he apologize? Never. Not only because Crowley hadn’t apologized in his entire life, but because he didn’t see it necessary to do so. After all, the reason for his hasty movements was far more important than anything that those idiots could ever imagine.

However, when he saw her, everything stopped.

Even his heart.

She had her back to him, her beautiful silky hair pulled back in a high bun that left a pair of curls falling down her shoulders, one on each side, towards her chest.

She wore an apple-green dress with white and gold details here and there, the tight corset making it inevitable to notice right away her beautiful body and the huge skirt attached to it, giving her the look of a gorgeous european princess.

No, from his perspective he couldn’t get to see her whole face, —he barely reached part of it thanks to a couple movements of her head—, but he knew it was Y/N.

There was no doubt.

She laughed, chatting with those she supposed were acquaintances of the angel and the cause and reason why she was there, that among all the times, among the hundreds of masked dances that Venice was witnessing, she was there, the same day, in the same place as him.

Oh, destiny was some capricious bitch and he ended up being a mere puppet that would dance to its tune.

Clearing his throat by positioning himself just behind her —so close that he would only have to put his hands on her waist and turn her around to finally kiss her— he successfully attracted the attention of those around them, who gave away strange glances at the demon; some confused, others suspicious, others distrustful.

The one Y/N gave him when she turned around and their eyes met for the first time in some years was the only one that really mattered.

Her hypnotic eyes, behind that mask that so gracefully embraced her sweet features from the middle of her forehead to below her eyes, opened wide recognizing the gold ones of Crowley, who without thinking twice, took the left hand of the girl, lifted it to his lips and left a kiss right on its back.

"May I have this dance?" He asked, more like a mockery for those presumptuous around him than as a formal request to the angel in front of him. It was easy to appreciate how his eyebrows were raised upwards in the slightest in a subtle grin and how that small and mischievous smirk that she loved so much was partially hidden only by the back of her hand that he still held against himself, and before she could prevent it, that same expression was drawn in her own features, hopelessly excited to find him in that kind of situation.

‘’I’ll be damned.’’ she answered in an incredulous, playful whisper, the demon the only being that could get to clearly hear her and, therefore, tearing a low and attractive chuckle from his throat as a result. She thought she was gonna melt in that very moment.

Saying that, Crowley rose from his bow and, pulling her hand, he led the girl —who didn’t have time to say goodbye to her company— to the center of the room, avoiding the rest of the guests as much as possible and when they arrived, the demon separated the angel from him, throwing her gently in the opposite direction to attract her to his body just a second later in graceful and elegant move thanks to the grip he had in her hand, making the chest of Y/N softly collide with his own.

In the blink of an eye, Crowley's free hand was at her waist and hers, on his shoulder, an amused expression adorning her face. ''I thought demons didn’t know how to dance.'' She teased, raising an eyebrow, her eyes fixed on his at absolutely every moment.

''I thought angels didn’t dance at all.'' he remarked in a flash, as arrogant as always, rocking the girl to the sound of the music that echoed between the walls of the room.

‘’Touché.’’

Not that much passed in silence between them until Crowley raised his voice again, trying to relieve the tension that was gradually forming inside his chest because, of course, she didn’t feel the same. Or so he thought.

Also, not looking at her lips having her so close to him and without his sunglasses that could conceal such act became more difficult each passing second. ''Are you going to tell me what are you doing here or will I have to take a guess myself?'’

''The question is not what I’m doing here,'' she said firmly, twirling in the demon's arms as the rest of the ladies swiveled in the ones of their partners as if that were a choreography with hundreds of dancers in perfect synchrony, only that in her case, when she resumed her position, her voice became just an audible whisper that went straight to the ear of the ginger, the soft velvet of his ornate jacket caressing the palm of her hand when gently pulling it towards herself to bring him closer to her. ''but what are you up to, Crowley. Nothing good, I assume.''

The hit of her breath against his skin and the seductive tone the woman used made every hair on his body stand up and his breath trapped at the beginning of his throat, unable to fight her words with some intelligent and sarcastic comment for his part.

He could only watch, in silence, as Y/N parted a couple inches to be face to face with him again, a smirk on her lips as she knew, she’d won that round.

‘’Touché.’’

Nowadays. Again. Almost 500 years later.

''Crowley?'' Her voice echoed through the walls of the luxurious flat while the front door —its white glass showing a dim light inside— opened wide, braking just before reaching the back wall. ''I just saw your message, is everything okay?''

Not too many minutes ago she’d received a "strange" message from the demon asking her to go to his apartment as soon as possible, making the angel inevitably frown, worried, and teleport there with a simple snap of her fingers.

The strange thing definitely wasn’t him sending her a message, but everything else. It was 2 o'clock in the morning on a Tuesday night, there hadn’t been any serious event that required her attention —or so she thought— and in general, it was Crowley who always, no matter what time, was looking for an excuse to drive his beloved car through the streets of London to the destination he wanted.

That it was she who should move this time was... odd.

The only source of light in the room was a small lamp placed on the huge red marble table that occupied the center of it, which barely came to illuminate enough to know if she was or not alone there.

She didn’t have to raise her voice again, anyway, because the ornate throne next to the table slid back carefully and the demon could be perfectly made out from the rest of the shadows in the room.

‘’I’m sorry.’’ It was the first and only thing Crowley said once he turned around and fixed his gaze —which seemed to shine with its own light— on Y/N, who astonished, raised an eyebrow and pursed her lips in a thin and incredulous expression; it was the first time in her life that she’d listened him ask for forgiveness, no matter what or whom.

''What are you sorry for, hm? What have you done now?'' She asked in her usual playful tone, waiting for the most elaborate and mind blowing response ever from the redhead.

But it never came.

He moved quickly to erase the distance between them and without stopping to reconsider his next step, —although she could swear, she saw a glimpse of doubt and fear in his eyes—, Crowley took her face with both hands to caress her cheeks and kissed her right away, giving her all he got.

No, it wasn’t tender, romantic or typical for the first kiss you give to your first love. It was hungry, animal, passionate, needy and desperate, as if he’d waited his entire life to be able to taste her lips and lose himself in them while his heart hammered his chest and deafened his ears.

In fact, that was exactly what happened.

And he didn’t expect Y/N to kiss him back in that very moment, because an act as impulsive as that should have shocked her to say the least, but she did, and before they could really think about what was happening, the demon had his angel cornered against the wall, her hands lost in his reddish hair and his, squeezing and pressing her hips against his own body with such force he suspected, could leave bruises on her skin.

But she didn’t mind.

His kisses were all she ever dreamed of and more, a slight taste of whiskey and coffee lingering in his mouth while doing everything possible to steal her breath and make her addicted to him; she was intoxicated, she couldn’t think of anything else.

She didn’t have time to be shocked or to ask herself the most obvious question: why now.

And that's why, when he parted just enough to lean his forehead against hers and breathe on her lips, a heavy sigh left her without any oxygen in her lungs, displaying her annoyance at the lack of his wet touch.

''Am I going too fast for you?'' He asked, the same fear she saw in his eyes minutes ago now in his voice; it was, again, the first time in his life that he looked so worried about messing something up.

His slitted, golden, demon eyes scanned her face for any sign that would make him stop, so close that the image faded irretrievably, and when in his place he found the same craving he felt in his veins, he dampened his parted lips, knowing there was no going back.

‘’If anything, you’re being too slow.’’

[thedeadflag]

so this is something I've been mulling over for a while now - do you reckon it'd be possible to make a version of a/b/o that isn't fundamentally transphobic, or would it reach the point of "this is so different that you might as well not call it a/b/o" before that? off the top of my head you'd have to take out all elements of g!p, mpreg, and biological essentialism, and it'd probably be possible to write a version of a/b/o with that framework, but I don't know if I'm missing anything.

a/b/o is a reactionary trope that relies on cissexism-derived biological essentialism to function. Like, that’s the engine that powers the bdsm/power dynamics, cisheteronormative breeding/family building, “dub/non-con”, etc. elements that draw people to it, and led people to create it in the first place. 

Like, my best attempt at describing a non-transphobic, non-shitty typical a/b/o adjacent fic would include:

Werewolves (let’s face it, werewolves can be really cool if written well, and there’s a lot of really good ways to write them, a lot of ways to subvert tired subtropes within the trope)

Found Family-focused family/pack building (because wolves often adopt wolves from other packs into their own, blood lineage isn’t really a thing; much like vampires being created, newly turned werewolves of any age can be considered their sire’s child; if it needs to have a pregnancy arc between two men or two women, there’s IVF/IUI, or magically/spiritually-induced pregnancies, and of course writing a fully fledged complex trans character with their own non-pregnancy arc and virtues/flaws/goals/etc. and getting relevant trans beta writers who aren't your friends to keep it on track if you’re a cis writer)

A flexible, non-binary gendered society (rather than the rigidly structured biology-is-destiny a/b/o society) that’s trans inclusive either explicitly, or implicitly if it’s a new social universe with different rules. 

If mating seasons have to exist, they’re cultural more than biological, and no biological processes that could impede or trouble a person’s ability to properly consent. 

No inherent, glorified or reified power dynamics, certainly none rooted in or fostered through biology. 

That doesn’t seem very much at all like a/b/o to me. It’s a werewolf AU, which is the reason why a/b/o was created in the first place. It wasn’t enough. It needed something more than just a supernatural bent

I’ll continue on below for a bit on some simplified functions of a/b/o, but it’s mostly just some ramblings.

-

Like, to quote the originators of the genre/trope:

I'd like to see Alpha male Jared, and Bitch male Jensen. Jensen is a snotty prude (think Lady from lady and the tramp) he may be a bitch male but he's not just going to let anybody take a go at his sweet little ass...until he meets Jared...then prudey little Jensen turns cock slut for Jared. Bonus points for J2 being OTP, Jensen was a virgin before Jared, and now that they met each other, it's for life.

...

There are three types of men, alpha males, beta males, and omega males. Alpha males are like any ordinary guy with the exception of their cocks, they work just like canines (the knot, tons of cum, strong breeders, etc) The beta male, is an ordinary guy without the special cock. Omega males are capable of child bearing and often called bitch males.

Like, I want you to look at that real close and see what’s going on in there.

This was created to be a trope where there’s a world where women, as we explicitly know them, don’t exist, but where a subgroup of men take up the functional role of the woman in the heteronormative social structure of the world. It’s also not surprising that (assumedly cis) women created and initiated the spread of this trope.

Look at the language used. This is heavily, explicitly gendered for a reason. If you’ve read much of anything about how the male gaze impacts female sexuality, you’ll know a common response is for women to position themselves out of the proverbial frame entirely, so that no part of them can explicitly exist as an object, where they can take on the role of a subject. There’s no women whose experiences will directly link to her own and her own perceptions, comfort/discomfort/etc.

However, many of these women also have been heavily affected by the male gaze and heteronormativity, and that combined with not knowing what a real gay male relationship is like, what it looks like, what experiences might be unique to it...they fill in the blanks with their own conditioning. 

And maybe seeing a lot of that toxic masculinity in media content was unsettling because of how women get treated in that content, and how they in turn might feel in those shoes. But if a MAN, even if it’s a heavily female-coded man, were to undergo that...well, it’d be easier to appreciate those tropes and dynamics they’ve been force-fed to believe were arousing, hot, desirable. Especially if they can have two hot men in it. They can enjoy that self-created taboo, bypass their own discomfort and insecurity, and project it onto a type of person different enough to suspend their disbelief and maintain that difference, even if they’re pumping that guy full of all the typical misogynistic tropes and experiences they’re not comfortable having directed towards them and other women.

In short, it’s a way to get off on heteronormative norms/tropes, using another as a vehicle in order to keep up their cognitive dissonance.

Of course, this eventually spilled out into the Het fandom (makes perfect sense, since many of the a/b/o originators and proponents were het women), and then worked its way into Femslash fandom by piggybacking on g!p in order to meet the necessary criteria for PiV sex. 

Just, in this case, you necessarily shift some of the puzzle pieces around. Trans women take the place of the “alpha”, acting as an acceptable vehicle for a toxic masculine cis man, since lesbians aren’t into men. Even if the trans woman is generally written, in nearly every way aside from part of her body, as a toxic cis man. The original a/b/o’s “Bitch Male”/Omega Male is swapped out for the  Omega Female, usually a spunkier, more in your face version outside of romantic/sexual contexts in the media content, but let’s be real here, she’s still by and large submissive when it comes down to it. 

In a world where more wlw grew up feeling predatory for their attraction to other women, for feeling sinful, for being rejected from female intimacy het women enjoyed with each other after coming out, etc., it’s pretty common for a lot of lesbians to lack initiative, not be able to read or communicate romantic/sexual cues between each other...to essentially be “useless lesbians’ as the joke goes,and to feel isolated and undesirable. 

So writing a F/F fic where some hot woman modeled in the image of some hot cis woman pursues you? Takes the initiative sexually/romantically? Doesn’t beat around the bush, but is blatant? Who can’t control her lust around you? Who can give you the perfect nuclear family you’ve been conditioned to want in order to feel value in our heteronormative world, but were told you weren’t worthy of or could never feasibly attain? Who gives you a sexual encounter you have some education in and some emotional stake in due to common conditioning of PiV sex > all else? Who can give you plausible deniability for a number of contexts due to a lack of ability to explicitly consent? etc. etc.

Like, yeah, that’s going to feel comfortable for a lot out there. That’s going to seem pretty hot/arousing. It’s a way to get off on the norms and expectations thrown on women in society, but in a way that lets them distance themselves ever so slightly from men by shifting it from text to subtext, explicit to implicit.

Don’t just take my word for it, though. Here’s a few snippets from one of the most popular g!p/omegaverse femslash writers (if not the most popular) that help illustrate how/why this trope has found an audience

Why Do I Write G!P?The elephant in the room. It arouses me, but it’s also a form of self-comfort. I grew up in a very fundamentalist home. Women being with women was at first unspoken, and then derided, both by my church and at home. I felt insanely guilty for my attractions, so I developed ‘cheat codes’ to deal with it.

It was okay if the woman I had sex with in my dreams had a penis, for example. It was okay if she forced me to have sex with her. It was okay if we basically simulated heterosexual sex.

Because of my childhood (which included conversion therapy), I found myself falling into heterosexual roleplay patterns, at least sexually. It was a lingering thing from my childhood.

It’s still there, and I know I’ll never be rid of it.

...

I associate penetration with power. You know, being steeped in sexism from an early age turned some problematic thoughts into kinky lemonade. And since I’m a femme sub, taking power away from the top by ‘penetrating’ them can ruin the mood for me. I mean, I can write power bottom scenes with the best of them, and I enjoy them, but… *shrug* if I’m going to write omegaverse or g!p, someone’s getting fucked, and it’s not the top.

There are rules to a/b/o. There are specific reasons it’s sought out, read, and created, and that’s why it’s hard to imagine a version of it without those harmful elements, because the trope requires them for the audience to be satisfied.

It’s why all gay male a/b/o fits a pretty specific pattern. it’s why femslash a/b/o fits a very specific pattern. There’s nearly no deviation as a rule, because there are so many parts that have to be in play and functioning in a specific way in order to get the desired result. 

I could go on for hours about this, and the above is all a pretty damn simplified take of what’s going on in a/b/o for it to exist in the way it does and meet the needs of the audience, and I’ve already written a lot about this in the past, so I’ll try to cut it short here.

[dxmedstudent]

Out of curiosity, what exactly do you mean when you say chemistry (with respect to dating)? Does that refer to whether you felt like your personalities clicked, or is it more of a specific romantic feeling? And is that something that you know is there quite quickly, or does it take a few dates to establish whether there's chemistry? (I hope this isn't too personal a question, feel free not to answer it if so! I'm just curious about it as I've no first hand experience in the area!)

That’s an interesting question. I wouldn’t say it’s too personal, but it’s very kind of you to care about my comfort in answering it, thank you. I’ll be as general as I can, because honestly, I don’t think I’m a particularly average person, having been single for a long time and never having been overly fussed about dating, I’ve probably felt less chemistry than a lot of people. It’s hard to describe, and I wonder if it’s different when you meet different people, but also for each one of us. Some of us fall quickly, others are more cautious, and we all approach things in our own way. I wouldn’t be able to say if ‘chemistry’ feels different for someone else. So I guess it’s deeply personal in that respect.I’d describe Chemistry as an intersection between physical/romantic attraction and personalities clicking. That someone feels different from other people and you feel attracted to them physically and/or romantically but also as a person. For me, that means that a person feels like they could be a good friend; you know the feeling you get when you meet a friend, and get on like a house on fire? It’s a lot like that. And on top of that you feel attracted to them, so it feels different from meeting someone you just want to be good friends with. Talking to them is easy because you feel naturally interested in what they have to say. I can talk for England if I’m comfortable (or nervous, eeek!), but I think it’s true even if you are quiet. This guy I’m seeing is a pretty quiet person in general, but it took me a while to realise it because it seems easy for them to talk to me enthusiastically and at length.When most people talk about chemistry in dating terms, they tend to focus on, or mean, physical/romantic attraction, because a lot of the time you might meet people who you got on with really well through messages but there’s just no ‘click’ in real life. They may be nice, funny, smart, good looking, but you have no desire to be  even remotely intimate with them. Attraction and ‘getting on’ don’t always go together. Usually, people expect to find chemistry on a first date; if you don’t feel that connection, you’re usually not going to see that person again because there are other people to meet, and they probably won’t want to meet you again either if they didn’t feel anything. For me, chemistry doesn’t necessarily have to mean kissing, or being overly romantic on first dates; you don’t need to do either to feel that thrill when someone is different. That might sound odd to some people, but don’t forget that for much of history, and in some cultures, people fall in love and commit before they become physically intimate. But when your relationship with someone becomes more physical; whether that’s holding hands and kissing, cuddling or things we’d describe as sex, that’s when people get a better idea of whether their chemistry extends to being sexually compatible. There’s no right or wrong time to explore this; it’s up to you to decide when is right for you.Sometimes, if you’re not sure; say you got on well but weren’t sure you were attracted, people might see someone once or twice more to work out how they feel. The more you date, the better you get at working out what works for you, and what doesn’t, and how it feels when something is good. In real life, people can build attraction and chemistry after they’ve known each other for a while; sometimes friendship turns into something more. But in online dating terms, you can’t keep every single person you didn’t feel chemistry with around in case you eventually feel chemistry with them. There would never be enough time to see where things go with that many people.  My advice to someone still figuring out what chemistry is, is that when you’re meeting people, ultimately, you have to listen to your instincts. Do you want to see that person again? If they held your hand or kissed you, how would you feel? When you like someone, it feels exiting and hopeful, if a bit scary. But the thought of spending time with them and potentially doing stuff with them should feel nice. If you have chemistry there should be a part of you that is excited at the thought of meeting them again or potentially taking it further one day. If you feel revulsion at the thought of someone coming near you, then no matter how suitable or nice they are, you definitely don’t have chemistry. Sometimes people persuade themselves that they do; perhaps because they are lonely, or the other person likes them, or they want to settle down, or they don’t yet know what it feels like to really truly like someone. It’s also not just about talking easily. I found it surprisingly easy to build rapport with dates and have fun conversations; probably because becoming a doctor led to me honing my small talk skills and looking really attentive. It’s not something you do consciously; it’s just that medicine makes us better at reading people and communicating with them whilst making them feel listened to. This is actually something they warn you about in med school; patients can get crushes on you because you’re good at acting interested and caring and talking to them. Turn those skills to dating, and... it can be an asset if you like someone, but also a problem if you don’t. Despite having fun and building rapports on dates, for me it didn’t translate to chemistry most of the time; I was just politely interested. It sometimes made for awkward dates; where the dudes clearly wanted to take it forward but I didn’t feel the same way. And although I hadn’t been remotely flirty or sexual or romantic, I’d clearly looked interested enough that it was reasonable for them to assume it. Part of me would feel bad that things were one-sided, because I don’t like hurting people’s feelings and I’ve been on the other end of it. But ultimately you have to be honest.

If you’re young and new to dating you might feel more unsure at first because you have less reference to compare it to, and that’s OK. But you will be able to figure it out with time and experience. If you’re young and you’re still working out what chemistry might feel like for you, it’s OK. It’s OK if you haven’t had chemistry with anyone, and even if you never do. Some people get it a lot, others not very often, and some don’t. There’s nothing wrong with falling on the ace/aro end of the spectrum, or even somewhere in between. And sometimes people work out that they don’t have chemistry with the gender they expected to have chemistry with, and that’s OK, too. Some of my lesbian friends have dated more men than I have, before they realised that they actually love women. It doesn’t make them any less lesbian, or their experiences less valid. Dating is hard and complicated and there’s nothing wrong with taking time to figure out what you really want. With this guy, even before we met, messaging was just more fun, somehow. They weren’t soppy or romatic messages; we are both shy, and didn’t know each other so that would have been weird. But we wrote reams to each other, and our sense of humor was on the same wavelength. The poor guy even had to ask me out twice because he’d buried it in a massive message and I didn’t realise! In retrospect, I really hoped we’d hit it off when we met. I wanted there to be chemisty; which was a clue; for most online dates I might have been vaguely hopeful and ready to have a good time and be surprised, but I didn’t care all that much. I needn’t have worried; we sat down for so long on our first date that they kicked us out of the cafe at closing time. My first impressions were “Ah, he wasn’t lying about being tall” and “OMG, he’s cuter in person :O”; He looked a little different from his photos, having grown out his hair a little, but really I just think you can only really gauge chemistry in person. There’s something about people’s mannerisms or their smiles or their tone of voice that doesn’t come across in any photo. I have no idea what he thought when he first saw me, but he doesn’t seem to be complaining! However, it wasn’t ‘love at first sight’ if that makes sense. I don’t really believe you can love someone you don’t yet know. You can be attracted to them, and think fondly of them, but to me, that is not yet love.  Because to me, love comes from knowing someone and learning to care deeply for them; it comes from trusting them and understanding them. We may end up with love, but we start off only with chemistry and with a bit of hope. I thought he was cute, funny, smart and considerate but I wasn’t emotionally invested beyond being excited to see where it would go. Chemistry is promise. It’s the start of something. You then have to keep getting to know someone, and see what develops, and whether your personalities work well together and whether your life aims are compatible. Whether you can team up to do this life thing, or not. Chemistry doesn’t guarantee that something will continue, or that two people are right fo reach other beyond that. People can have amazing chemistry and still be incompatible in other ways. Compatibility is about matching well in many, many different ways; there is a reason a lot of relationships don’t work out. Chemistry can sometimes peter out; people can fall out of love, too. Previously, where I’ve felt chemistry with other people, it usually hasn’t been at first sight, either. Sure, you might think people look nice, but sometimes they just start off sort of... intriguing but perhaps because I’m a bit faceblind, it doesn’t necessarily kick in right away. I might have talked to someone a few times before realising I found them attractive or that things were going differently and realised “Crap. This is it, isn’t it.The Feels. Damn it.”. This time is probably the first time I’ve turned around and gone “OH. NICE.” mentally immediately after meeting someone, but even that was preceded by getting to know them and like them for a while, first. That’s different to how you normally meet people, which is that you see them first, and then talk to them and get to know them afterwards. Perhaps for some people that initial moment of meeting someone is very striking, but for me, it’s usually less so.

I do wonder if that’s partly why lots of people struggle wth online dating. If they gain their idea of who they like based on the feeling when they first meet, it can be hard to pick people based on a picture only to find that in real life, the attraction isn’t there. It reverses the order in which many people feel attraction, because you start talking before you meet. And though you see a photo first, I’ve already mentioned that photos really can’t tell you if you will be attracted in person. To summarise another long and rambling reply by Dx, when you have chemistry with someone, it feels different to talking with other people. It feels like no effort at all; like you’re with an old friend, but one that you really fancy. There’s an intensity there that isn’t present when you’re talking to someone who is a good friend.There’s no shortage of things to talk about no matter how long you talk for. You feel like you can talk about almost anything with them; your past, your hopes for the future, criticism of the last film you saw in the cinema…There’s a lot of laughter, and it’s not awkward laughter because things are weird. Time seems to pass quickly with them; it won’t feel forced or awkward.  It won’t matter that they aren’t the conventionally hottest person around, in fact, you’ll find things endearing that aren’t conventionally attractive. If you haven’t felt it before, it might take you a while to figure out what it is, particularly if they aren’t the gender you expected; but you’ll work it out and you’ll know.Anyhow, if any of my mutuals or followers have something to add, I’d be intrigued to see if anyone describes it differently.

[elizabethrobertajones]

Hi there! I️ adore your meta and was wondering your thoughts on Danneel joining the cast. Dabb is seemingly rewriting the series this season and now we are getting another Jo...a Sister Jo. I'm awful at this stuff but hopefully you know where I'm trying to go. I've seen a ton on how this will or won't impact DeanCas but little on this aspect of it. Thanks!!

Hiya! 

And yeah I’m deep in the “just wait and see and stop assuming the worse” side of things about Destiel, because every single female character casting announcement since ever has been met with a kneejerk “it’s to give Dean a love interest/kill Destiel” reaction and I hate it >.> Even if they do have a fling it seems wildly unlikely it’s an endgame love interest thing and I also hate the idea that we’re supposed to get upset about Dean having sex with anyone… Or assume all female characters are love interests, OR that Jensen’s wife would be cast JUST to hook up with Jensen, jokes aside.

So, hey, let’s throwback to the first character introduced that made people panicked and angry that Dean was going to have a love interest! 

In the first couple of episodes with Jo, Dean really has it bad for her. There’s the now since 12x19 infamous line (well, okay, since 4x14 as well :P) about getting picked up by a guy bringing a sixpack and putting some zeppelin on the jukebox or whatever it was. In Simon Said they drop by the roadhouse and he gets the song Jo was playing while she cleared the bar stuck in his head and he’s still singing it far down the road. No Exit put a roadblock into their relationship though by giving us the backstory with John and her father and Ellen seeing Dean as just as dangerous to Jo… The story was subverted with the way they used her as bait and she KNEW she was bait before she even put together the file on the case. By the end of the episode she’s so upset about that reveal, that she can’t really look at Dean any more because Ellen has made her so upset about the truth. 

I think this must be the end of the original run of what could have been a longer romance for Dean because they’d naturally give Jo some time to cool and the episodes would start airing and they started getting the ridiculous fan response to Jo, of the first Serious Threat To Dean’s Singledom, whether it’s people thinking girls suck and ruin the story, or romance is bad on TV or having their shipping or fantasy fuel from Dean ruined by imagining him in a romance. So if there had been a plan to bring her back for more episodes in a way where she would be able to interact with Dean more and continue building what at the time was the ideally placed romance for him and about the only way to structurally maintain one short of adding a girl to the team (something fans were REALLY pissed about, and in season 3 announcing the casting, they had to insist Bela and Ruby weren’t going to just suddenly be added to the cast and spend every episode riding around in the Impala with the guys). 

Anyways it’s fairly well-known how absolutely disgusting people in this fandom can be and definitely were about female characters and all, so Jo’s only return, while Ellen stays as support on the phone/in the Roadhouse a few more times and has to say Jo’s run off to go her own way, is in 2x14 where she interacts first with Meg-as-Sam where she attacks Jo and reveals even more of the possible backstory to what happened to her father, just to remind her how horrible the Winchesters are. Later when Dean’s around, they have a much less charged interaction, Dean’s way distracted about Sam - rightfully - and the tropey patch each other up thing is subverted by Dean complaining she’s a butcher rather than it being the Indiana Jones “i hurt here and here and here” kinda tropey way to get a woman to touch the dude “plantonically”. They do field surgery and then Jo doesn’t tell Dean about what Meg told her, only gets it from Dean that she might have told Jo the truth to hurt her, and again it’s that Jo can’t bear to get into this with Dean, doesn’t tell him the truth, and they’re not working through this together. If there HAD been a longer arc this would have been something really sad for them to overcome. But he legs it after Sam and she sighs that he’s not going to call her, now moving this really to unrequited pining territory while Dean is distracted and busy and Jo has moved firmly to the “i must protect you and can’t deal with this and we missed the chance” bracket. 

She then disappears for three seasons, where she comes back as a “hey this character exists” along with Ellen in 5x02, where she and Dean have *no* meaningful interaction, and 5x10 where he tries it on for old time’s sake, she turns him down because she understands herself better and has grown up and not seen him for 3 years so the whole unrequited pining fire has gone out on its own even if they both still think the other is kind of attractive. He eventually just sweetly kisses her goodbye while she’s dying horribly and that seals it like welp we were never ever going to happen and it’s not just because you’re now bleeding out and about to explode. This is just what was inevitably going to happen to us and in hindsight I’m glad you stopped up hooking up. 

And in 7x04 when she reappears, again it’s wistful missed opportunity, but she gets to speak for his conscience and vindicate him that they were never meant to be no matter if they sort of liked each other. They get around to pointing out the same thing from No Exit - that Jo was trying to be a hunter like her dad, that THIS was why she was doing it and we already covered this ground in season 2. Osiris goes into it with a fandom filter - hurr blurr she’s a love interest and Dean feels so bad about it, but Sam gets her own words out - maybe she had a massive crush on him that she can joke about with hindsight but she was always going to be a hunter and probably always would have got herself killed some way or another, but haven’t they all died (too many times) on the job by now? :P 

So, yeah, THAT is the legacy behind Jo’s name when you’re talking about bringing in a character with the same name again… Danneel OBVIOUSLY makes you make a link between Sister Jo and Dean although I would find it HILARIOUS if she never met him, but the whole thing with Jo is like a missed connection, a romance that DIDN’T happen for Dean, and probably in no small part because the fandom was awful in the exact same way that has probably kept Danneel off the show for so long. I remember seeing a gifset of a con where Cindy was joking about how  much everyone hated Lisa and then saying that Danneel joked to her about well you try being MARRIED to Jensen. 

I wouldn’t say it’s exactly a call out of the fandom or anything, but it is interesting that this is all in here… It might just be they’re pulling old names from the past out of a hat for the nostalgia, but I think there’s been some interesting ways to examine what they might mean in the way they’ve been used. Right now I kinda feel like it’s impossible to avoid the way everyone’s mind jumps to casting Danneel to her having a romantic connection to Dean, because of being married to Jensen, even if that’s reducing her as an actress just to the man she’s married to, like, wow, go feminism. But at least giving her the name Jo creates some interesting thoughts right off the bat. 

I don’t see Jo as a simple past love interest to just give Danneel’s character this name so ooooh is she going to be another love interest, because they remained unrequited, and didn’t even have any really heated personal scenes because their relationship failed to catch hold after 2x06, and in the long gap between that and Born Under A Bad Sign they got too real about how bad they’d be for each other and how the block introduced to make a will-they-won’t-they more emotionally charged ended up just plain old being a massive block, and sadly deprived us of probably a lot of interesting season 2 John Winchester analysis via their issues with what happened with their parents… 

In any case, Dean having a romance with a second Jo seems really on the nose so it’s another reason even ignoring the proper story behind it to think that they wouldn’t really go there because some people IRL have romances with like 3 dudes called Mike back to back or whatever without even meaning to, but in TV you can’t repeat names like that. Unless it’s comical, like Donna and her Doug problems. And that shows that her second Doug had all the issues from the first Doug that she mentally superimposed over him even though he seemed harmless. Perhaps they managed to work together better but I doubt Donna’s going on to Wayward Sisters with a wayward Doug in tow :P Anyway, rules of comedy are different from rules of grim melodrama, which any attempt to romance Dean Winchester falls under… :P

[sometimesrosy]

Hi Rosy. This is embarrassing, but I've never had a boyfriend and I'm 21. What am I doing wrong? When I was in high school, a few guys did ask me out but I didn't want to be in relationship with them and I didn't feel ready to be in a relationship. I thought it would happen later in college, but it hasn't happened at all. I need your advice. How do I meet a decent, nice guy? What do I do to make this happen? I just kinda want to get this out of the way. ugh I hate sounding pathetic and sad.

Baby honey child. How do you all keep sending me these asks. Do you know me or something? Am I giving something away about myself that you all are picking up on?

I didn’t have a real boyfriend until I was 25… although I lost my virginity at 22, to a guy I saw for a year and a half in what we would now call “friends with benefits.” Oh wait. No. I lost it to a guy right before him who ended up being “nothing.” And then I started seeing fwb guy. I didn’t date at all in high school, and I dated a little in college, even made out, but never had a boyfriend.

I spent a lot of my teens and early 20s thinking I was doing it wrong. Thinking there was something wrong with me. I spent a lot of time in my 20s and 30s exploring my sexuality, both trying to understand myself, my experiences and also pushing myself to open myself up to relationships and my sexuality.

I had boyfriends. I fell in love. I had flings. I committed to someone and had two kids with him. I’m 47 freaking years old. Guess what I discovered after coming to this fandom?

I’m demi ace. 

There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m not a prude. I’m not too picky. I’m not conservative. I’m not a wallflower. I’m not damaged. I’m not frigid. I’m not an ice queen. I’m not too shy. I’m not just not giving them a chance. 

I just work differently than most people. I can feel strong emotions for a person and feel sexually attracted to them after that. I can get a crush on a best friend. I can work up my desire to search out sexual activity (it takes me weeks if not months to build up to where I can just take it on as an adventure, but I can do it.) I can pine for years. I can keep it all fantasy based. I can need to have an emotional, conversational connection before getting turned on, even in a long term relationship. I can be surprised by a sudden physical attraction from out of nowhere and have no need to take action on it. I can not need to be in a relationship at all. 

When I was a teenager, I made a decision to work on myself, not look for a boyfriend. It never seemed to be a hardship to me, except for the social pressures to date, and the feeling that I was doing it wrong. Not being a teenager or a girl or whatever. 

Now, I don’t know if this is your issue, I don’t even know if you’ve never had sex, but I felt a lot like you with the same story as you told me. And I felt so much SHAME about being a virgin that long. About not having a boyfriend. Not being sexually active. Not being like everyone else. I’m completely okay with people having sex before marriage or whenever they want with whomever they want…. intellectually. But I wasn’t able to get myself into doing that. In the end I just “got it over with,” and that helped with the big V, but didn’t change my essential nature. I kind of wished I had been bolder with one of the people I had liked better than that guy, but it did break me out of my feelings of shame surrounding it. So I could just get past the stigma of not having any experience. 

It’s so funny. There are all these kids running about tumblr declaring people’s sexualities fake and not good enough and not queer enough and made up and just trying to make themselves special or something, and I’m thinking, chilluns, this sexuality stuff is EVER EVOLVING. I’m STILL learning about myself, and it’s not like I didn’t actively pursue this identity, as a progressive intersectional feminist interested in women’s empowerment and LGBT issues. I actually TAUGHT WORKSHOPS on this kind of identity stuff. 

So.

That’s a lot of information about me, when you asked me for advice. Here’s what it boils down to.

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.

Not having sex and/or not dating people and/or not being romantically active IS NOT A DEFECT. You are not pathetic or sad. It’s okay to do it this way. You get something out of it. What? Peace. A sense of self. Independence. A feeling of surety when it does happen (even if it doesn’t work out in the end, you know you chose it.)  You don’t have to waste your energy on people who don’t matter to you. You get to say where your focus goes. It’s not all bad. 

First thing to figure out is if you actually WANT to be in a relationship. Let’s assume you do, since you sent me that ask. 

Second thing is to be okay with yourself the way you are. There’s no need to feel ashamed. If you look into the demisexual (or demiromantic, idk, maybe your issue is romance not sex,) and find that’s somewhere that you fit, it might help you make peace with the way you move through the world. Without those feelings of shame, it will be a whole lot easier to meet people.

Third thing omg I’m not sure I know how to meet people. I just make myself put myself out there and be open to people. I used to force myself to go on at least 3 dates with guys to give them a chance. I’m not sure I would do that again. There’s no one I broke up with at the 3rd date that I felt even a question of chemistry with at date 1. And no one I continued dating who I did not immediately like from date 1. However, it is true that I never met ANYONE unless I consciously, actively opened myself up to meeting someone. Unless I was friends first and it snuck up on me after I already knew them. Either or. Already have the emotional connection. Or consciously recognize that you are looking to FIND that emotional connection and allow yourself to be open.

I’m not sure if this helped you at all, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a long time, even before I knew there was such a thing as demiace. But it was kind of nice to learn about it and recognize myself and see where I fit in and how it connected all the dots in my life going back all the way to kindergarten. Not wrong, not defective. Just kinda queer. :)