#and I know since covid my mom has been dying to just have more people over all the time

[kananjarus]

I think at some point in the last year my mom has realized I might not give her grandchildren so instead she’s taken to pseudo-adopting every single one of my friends who are all misfit 20 somethings, who basically now camp in my backyard for fun and are apparently coming for thanksgiving (my mom texted them all individually for the invite it was actually very cute). 

as an only child I’ve suddenly found myself with five other siblings in the span of months right before I turn 30. what is my life right now

[oneatlatime]

Return to Omashu

Fire nation priorities. Yes, there's a war to win, but first! We must make our colonies aesthetically consistent. Couple of gates, some gold trim, and some spiky bits! Can't forget the gold spiky bits!

Fulfilling the beat up Sokka quota this episode is raw sewage.

That sewer trek must have been long. They went in during the day and it's night now.

I spoke too soon! The quota is in fact filled by tribbles.

"it's so awful I'm dying." I get the feeling that Sokka has been waiting years to use that line. I love how quickly everyone in the Gaang supports each others' spontaneous plans. It's a sign of a good team if you can ream off fake names without blinking and fake the plague without being asked. They all work so well together. Zuko could take some lessons from these guys on lying.

Well this episode's going to land differently post-Covid.

Looks like Zuko Jr.'s going to be in this episode. Bummer. Although tweedledee and tweedledum are intriguing. Who'd ever think to give a teenage girl villain a pair of eighty year old poetry twins? One of the great things so far about this show is how they consistently choose to go with the most out-there option and always make it work. In a show about defeating the firelord, they chose to kill the moon for the finale. And it worked. The plot point, not the killing.

So I'm thinking that orange and yellow must be an acknowledged fashion choice among the four nations outside of an airbending context, because of the number of times fire nation guards have looked right at Aang and not seen him. Also I think his tattoos must have selective invisibility.

It's a crying shame that Hot Topic doesn't exist in the Avatar universe, because this May girl just passed their employment interview with flying colours. I'm siding with what I'm guessing is her mom on this one. Just chill for a bit.

Ok maybe don't chill for a bit. Yeah my bad. This is not a good time to chill.

Reusing the same Naruto run shot literally two seconds later.

How many projectiles can you fit in one pair of sleeves? She's got a whole armoury up there.

Seriously I know she's bored and all but no teenage girl should have access to that many weapons. If I'd had access to an armoury when I was a teenager, people absolutely would have died.

So cute. I'll take 12 please.

Every sentence that Zuko Jr. is saying to this pink girl is some kind of veiled insult or threat. I'd adopt Pink Girl's wilful obliviousness too if I had to deal with that.

Smart Bumi. He knows his people and his element. We've seen more than enough times already that something about being an earthbender makes you too stubborn to quit and unable to change plans even when your original plan is obviously not working (looking at you, Fong). So, knowing that his people are unable to change course, he prevents them from entering on to that course in the first place.

And Aang picks up on this too! Actually, since Bumi knew Aang growing up, do you think he picked up the concept of strategic retreat from airbending?

Tribbles to the rescue! Given that these are sewer dwelling creatures, this fake plague might turn real.

I love how casual Sokka is about touching other people.

Every street in Omashu seems to have a couple of bundles of twigs propped up against a wall somewhere. It's probably an animation trick to fill up the background.

Love the one guy really committing to the bit who just flops on the ground.

"Pentapox! I'm pretty sure I've heard of that." Humans are so suggestible.

I love that Flopsy remembers him. Aang's propensity to make friends wherever he goes paying off again. Also, exactly how much metal to the fire nation have access to? They're doing the floor, walls, ceilings, of the whole city. There must be some crazy budget surpluses that need using up.

This baby has an absurd throwing arm.

Machine gun Momo!

This is what happens when you don't feed your lemur AANG.

I know cartoon physics is a thing, but can this baby secretly fly or something?

Poor Momo didn't ask for any of this. Guy just wanted some berries. Now he's getting his tail pulled and bitten (hopefully no teeth yet).

Add absurd grip strength to this baby's list of other superhuman characteristics.

Baby apparently weighs quite a bit too.

Flying lemur unintentionally kidnaps baby. Did not see that coming.

Tiny nitpick: the circus master introduces Zuko jr. as "the firelord's daughter" rather than as Princess Zuko jr. Does she not have a title?

Nope. He's calling her princess now. Maybe there are a bunch of princesses in the fire nation and he was just being specific?

Thus begins the bullying of pink girl. Imagine going to school with a bunch of fire nation noble girls? There must have been casualties.

I love Sokka so much. Expert hug administrator.

"everything so clever. So tricky." Actually the avatar forgot to feed his lemur and it kind of snowballed from there. Hands down one of my favourite tropes is when one side in a conflict assumes their enemies are master manipulators, then we learn that actually they're just failing upwards through shenanigans. Love that.

Poor pink girl. The only viable strategy, both for her own safety and the safety of the whole circus, is appeasement.

"The universe is giving me strong hints that it's time for a career change." No blame cast, no fingers pointed, but also not giving Zuko jr. credit for influencing her. That's some fancy talking.

And now they're reusing the campsite shot too?

Poor Momo. That's about the face I make around babies.

I spoke too soon again. This episode's beat up Sokka quota is actually fulfilled by Katara's backhand. Because apparently it's a cardinal sin to prevent a baby from chewing on a potentially bladed weapon? Priorities girl.

Well that accidental kidnapping had some unintended positive consequences. Don't you love it when problems fix themselves?

She even paints her nails black and wears fingerless gloves. Seriously. Hot Topic. STAT.

"Well, Asula called a little louder." Hell of a lot of information in that sentence.

How long is her neck?

Ego much?

Zhao was an asshole and unpleasant, but at least he had some good banter. Zuko jr. is just mean. I hope I see less of her going forward.

Bumi! Hi Bumi! I love Bumi.

Pink girl's loyalty was tested with burning nets and released beasts. Now May's loyalty is tested with her brother's life. Zuko jr. is so good to her friends.

Why is no one able to recognise Aang? He's dressed like an airbender. The only one of those left is the avatar. It's not that hard.

Pink girl is lucky that Sokka is quite prone to friction.

More wood bundles. I guess it's for scaffolding?

Gotta give it to Zuko jr., she has excellent balance.

May has leg knives as well as arm knives?

And shirt knives. How does she not stab herself every time she sits down? And if this place is so boring, why does she feel the need to carry 8 billion knives?

Love the Appa tail slap. Underrated and underused move.

So Bumi has no spine left.

Facebending. Neat.

Neutral Jing is a neat concept, but I'll be damned if any earthbender we've seen apart from Bumi ever bothers with it.

Suddenly the 100 year gap between Aang and Bumi can no longer be ignored. Bumi is still Aang's friend, but he's got a century of learning and a city to protect. This is kind of a sad moment.

Do May and Zuko have some history? Is that's what's being implied here?

Wouldn't expect any less. I wonder how these two are going to explain the return of their son without painting the resistance in a really good light.

Zuko jr. is spelled with a Z.

Final Thoughts

Zuko Jr. gets a girl squad, the Gaang gets a reason to spend a season gallivanting all over the Earth Kingdom, and the audience gets to see Superslide part 2. A weird mix of establishing groundwork and having fun this episode.

I totally buy that the fire nation guards and governor fell for the plague thing. Anyone remember "that lemur! He's earthbending!" These guys are not smart.

The plague thing did not bother me at all. I thought it would, since the anti-science idiots in the Fortuneteller really annoyed me. I think since the fake plague was treated as a joke the whole way through, and never actually endangered anyone, it didn't bring up Covid memories.

I think Flopsy's pupils are sideways hourglasses, which contributes nicely to his uncanniness.

I think the stuffy that the baby was throwing is the same animal as the beaver bear thing at the circus.

I love Momo the machine gun. I think those are the same berries as the ones Iroh was going to double poison himself with.

Sokka getting to plan the plague and getting to save the day with boomerang was fun. That's two episodes in a row where he's been the plan guy. Katara got to use some of her new and improved waterbending as well, but she was really pushed to the background otherwise.

I think pink Girl, whose name I still haven't caught, is quite good at reading people. I caught more than one 'shallow-on-the-surface-but-actually-way-deep' statement from her. Also she can Vulcan pinch people's bending? I'm guessing it's temporary or else Katara would be really freaking out.

May was just too much. Too overdone. Yes, there are teenage girls like that, but it felt a bit on the nose. Actually, way too much on the nose. I get that she can't show any emotion in front of Zuko jr. for her own safety, but "can I offer you an egg fireflakes in this trying time?" is not exactly an appropriate response to your little brother's disappearance.

I'm still not liking Zuko jr. But I'm someone who never likes the villain anyway, at least not when our heroes are this likeable.

This episode was not easy on Aang. It was an interesting mix of bringing home the reality of the war and the reality of the time passed. Even when he seemingly got to save his friend in the end, he actually didn't because things are more complicated now. He untied the damsel from the railroad track and she tied herself right back on.

Further evidence for my 'entire fire nation is colourblind' theory this episode. Aang was not disguised apart from a hat made from a very incriminating colour. He had a giant blue stripe down the back of his head! Come on!

No Zuko this episode. He was last seen stealing a perfectly nice lady's bird horse, and it'll be a while before I forgive him for that, so good call by the writers to not have him around.

Now that I think about it, there was a lot going on this episode. Sewer break & enter, assassination attempt, fake plague, hostage exchange, water v. knife fight, fire v. air fight, vulcan pinch v. bending fight, Boomerang & bison v. knife fight, earthbending philosophy, girl squad assembly, lemur harassment, and baby restoration. This episode felt long in a good way.

How about, instead of learning the elements, Aang learns pink girl's vulcan pinch and just does that to the fire lord?

[anonymoushotsexyperson]

Thinking a lot about how the inevitability of death is not talked about.

I know you got attention span issues pookie bear so I split this post into sections and you can read whatever your most into if you can't do the whole thing ^_^

SECTION 1 my first encounters with the idea of dying.

I wish I could literally hug John Green for writing the fault in our stars. People can say it's sappy or whatever but it is one of the only mainstream forms of media that successfully acknowledges the inevitability of death and the lack of control we have over it. Though it took a lot more than TFIOS to wake me up to the conversation of dying.

The first time I realized death was a thing I can remember so vividly. I was at least 4 years old, I forgot how the whole conversation went but I remember my dad saying

"well honey everyone has to die one day."

"even you and mom?"

"even me and mom."

He said it so casually while folding laundry in the kitchen not knowing my world view had just completely shattered 😀. I went into our shared bedroom ( I didn't have my own yet because POOR) and cried on my parents bed. I don't know what happened after that. I think I just shoved death into my back pocket and kept it pushing because it was too hard to really grasp at that age. It still is now, but it especially was then.

Section 2 Being someone aware of your mortality and not being able to cope with it.

I think about death a lot now, it's been a reoccurring visitor in my brain since covid. It surprises me that the average Joe doesn't think about death all the time considering the current climate of our world. Im not gonna lie i've developed a bit of thanatophobia (death anxiety). This is because I have always dug myself out of my depressive episodes using knowledge and through that knowledge, understanding my relationship to the world helped me fall involve with living in it. The idea that one day this experience will end and regardless of what you believe whether it's in heaven or reincarnation or whatever we really don't know what's coming next or if there is a next. I don't think i'd necessarily be too keen with an afterlife as well as the idea that an afterlife doesn't exist. Both seem pretty ass, because if there's an after life cool but like what happens after that? You telling me i'm just here for ALL ETERNITY NIGGA? But also the concept of just dying and thats just... it? Kinda stupid and DUMB if you ask me. I think what im really looking for here is control.

Section 3 Does no one talk about death because of capitalism?

Apart of me believes that this thing where people around me tend to avoid the conversation of death or respond like an npc when I do get them to speak about it is due to western cultures obsession with capitalism and power. Because if you contemplate your existence and how both big and small it is, all this capitalism shit becomes kind of extremely fictitious and ridiculous. Like yeah maybe people just don't talk about it because its SCARY but also what if it's so scary because we done talk about it and because we are wasting our lives as wage slaves and in some areas of the world, literal slaves. Also this makes me think a lot about how religions are used as a weapon of conservatism instead of respected as a philosophical and metaphysical analysis of the human experience. There is honestly so many examples of religion-especially religions associated with colonialism-being used to control people. This can be seen and interpreted many ways and most if not all of the most obvious interpretations probably ring true. But what i'm really attempting to segue into here is that religion is uses as a weapon by the powerful in all sorts of ways but the idea that it is used to keep us from pondering death instead of exploring what it's like is something ive been thinking about a lot. You can argue some religious folks specifically follow religion to relieve death anxiety and its always been that way but I think that it now exists on a dissociative level.

Also, the ignorant American I am, I couldn't tell you the part about western civilization playing a big role is from an informed experience it's more so a studious guess. I don't really know what the vibes in other countries are like when it comes to dying I have not gained enough international knowledge and experience yet. So thats where you come in reader. YES you. What do you think?

QOTD: why do you think the conversation around death and the inevitability of it is so hush hush? Where do you believe we 'go' after and how does that make you feel? If you are apart of a non western civilization do you see a cultural difference in our experiences?

[leighlew3]

BOOSTED.

And to be clear? To each their own.

For me personally, I developed long-COVID after a very slight, one day case of COVID early on, pre-vaccine. Nearly destroyed me and stole a year of my life via developing a minor heart issue, high BP, near stroke, exhaustion, etc.

I overcame that shit through natural remedies and sheer freakin’ will, and of course also I started vaxxing. I’ve been okay since.

Meanwhile my unvaccinated beloved mom is now dead from heart failure, a clot, double fistula, etc after barely symptomatic COVID back when I had it also. Keep in mind she’d had no heart issues prior and was a non-smoker, non-drinker, etc.

Do with that what you will, but this is my reasoning. There are risks in all things. For me, the risk of dying of COVID or developing extreme long-COVID again is not worth avoiding a booster for fear of rare short or long term side effects.

Again, that’s just me.

So please don’t come into my mentions with extremist propoganda, fearmongering, etc. If you don’t believe in these vaccines — ok! Do you.

I’m a firm believer in the more organic the better. And I don’t trust big pharma. But I do trust science. And the statistics don’t lie. And that’s what I’m going with. Along with a return to masking — since COVID, RSV and flu rates are on the rise and January might be pretty brutal.

Already, half my timeline has COVID. And 75% of people I know locally and nationally have or have had COVID, flu, or their kids had RSV — just over the last week or two. So if I can have an extra little layer of protection or two… I’m gonna do it. 🤷‍♀️

[yooniesim]

(tw death, child death, grief/grieving)

Never thought I'd still be in constant calls with the funeral home and talking to an attorney a few days before Christmas. Now I have two people that won't be there that should be. Both were only in their 50s. This year has been something else indeed. Though it feels like the death hasn't stopped for me since the end of 2019.

Those that have read my posts about it before know how I struggle with that. My mortality and that of those around me. I still remember the first person I watched die, and the first child. My first code. How cold people get when their heart stops and how their veins fade so much they look like they're drawn on before seeming to disappear completely. The rigor of a baby's hands and feet after they've been left in a crib for far too long before being brought to a hospital. People wasting away on ventilators. People telling me covid didn't exist before dying of it. Moms that lost their children. Sons that lost their moms. The Christmas of 2021 where I watched four people code and die. Last Christmas when my family member was so underweight they looked like they were already dead and I knew it would be her last one. I just didn't know it was going to be my dad's last one, too. It's hard to remember them how they were healthy and happy, rather than on a ventilator or after they passed. But I try to remember that they're at peace and no longer in pain.

I feel like I'm used to it, but at the same time, I'm not. I'm working on getting another therapist, but for now I'm dealing with it on my own. Rambling these vent-like posts help. Helps me gather my thoughts and have some perspective. Helps me not care about more meaningless things in comparison. Makes me realize that the people mocking me for taking comfort here or talking too much when I "should be mourning" just truly don't know anything they're talking about. Mourning isn't you taking a few days off the internet to cry in bed and then it's over and it goes away like a cold. And life doesn't stop when someone you know dies. It keeps going. Unflinchingly. You still have to deal with your responsibilities and everything you were doing in the days before and all the days after. You can work with it or just get swept away by it, but either way, it keeps going on. I've watched someone die and just gone on to the next patient with a smile, then got on my phone on my lunch break and talk to someone here about something completely unrelated or post some silly paywaller ask or something. The world just doesn't stop. And you can't expect everyone to be kind and treat you with respect, either- when you share a vulnerable part of yourself like that, there will inevitably be someone that uses it to try to hurt you. That's just how things are. You have to be tough. And you have to joke and laugh and distract yourself. Because it doesn't go away, you just make room for it in your life.

Being on here, and discord, and with my precious people irl, has helped me through this and some of the other darker times in my life. It's nothing to be ashamed of. And I'm truly thankful for the people here that have been kind to me and sent kind words. Whether it's sharing their own experiences with death and grief or just giving a brief comment of love. You're really making a difference for me and for other people. The light in your heart is precious. Thank you.

[winderlylandchime]

I came on your blog to send you a few updates about my brother because the man is a gift that keeps on giving and then I saw that you tagged one of the posts about wanting an update about my brother. Gotta love it when the planets align that way haha. I apologize for how long this is but it has been an interesting week in my brothers life so I tried my best to keep it short and failed as you can see lol.

First of all I had to break the news to him about Randy retiring from acting to become a therapist. And it went just as how you’d imagine it to go if you imagine a grown man with a tendency to be childish and dramatic reacting to it. So many things happened so I gotta tell you the highlights: We were on facetime and I told him, he screamed (an actual AHHHH while holding a hand to his chest) and then went ‘of fucking course! The second I join the fucking party, he decides to fucking retire. And I’m supposed to NOT take it personal?!’. And while he was going on about it he was also doing something but i didn’t see what and all I saw was him grabbing scissors in a really stupid way (they were pointed towards him) so I went ‘ummmm’ and he goes ‘what? Oh come on, not even I am that fucking dramatic. I’m making myself a *said so that the last letter made a pop type of sound* crop top.’ And then he enthusiastically showed me the shirt that had A LOT of writing on it and he cut it so that only the first word is on it which is “HOLE”…. He is very proud of it btw, plans to wear it to his PT next week.. i swear he lives his life like a reality show mixed with a sitcom.

Anyway, he can’t believe Randy is actually going to be a therapist. Like at all. And then he goes ‘that’s so fucking weird though. Blondie a therapist. There’s no way people won’t recognize him..*long pause* do you think Gale also has a normal job now? Imagine he’s like a professor or some shit since he is nowhere to be found (me: how do you know that?)….i may have googled him..seriously is he even alive still?’ (ngl now i keep wondering if Gale also said fuck it and got a normal job) and then what followed was him gasping and then looking up at the ceiling and going ‘dear god.. i know i talk a lot of shit about you but if you could PLEASE make some gay dude go viral with a tweet or a dumb tiktok video about how Blondie is his therapist, that would be so fucking dope. Thanks bye’ and now I can’t stop thinking about the possibility of some gen z kid making a tiktok about it..

The good thing about this week is that he is finally covid free so i was talking to a non-feverish person which tbh not much difference, the bad thing is the dude somehow managed to get laryngitis so he’s losing his voice at a speed of light and while he was going on and on about Randy, he kept losing his voice more and more..which obviously made things for me, his little sister, a lot more fun. He was completely raspy yesterday and today he kinda still has a voice but not really. And no, none of this has prevented him from not talking about Randy retiring. It’s been over 24 hours.. Mom was annoyed with him because he will lose his voice talking about a middle aged white gay man, so he is balancing it by also talking about Gale aka a middle aged white straight man.

He also got really angry because he discovered that QAF online doesn’t have the right soundtrack (he already knew that but forgot). He was so upset about that that he was going on about it for at least 5 minutes while sounding like a dying goat. He then tried to bribe me to send him my dvds..So now his mission for 2024 is to somehow/somewhere find the dvds. Mom is hoping he doesn’t succeed because she knows full well what would happen aka he will force her to watch it. However our uncle is betraying her by helping him because the 69 year old gay dude likes drama. Mom thinks the fact that she lives 20 minutes away will stop my brother from making her watch it.. She clearly underestimates him.

And then probably my second favorite part because I got to witness it all through texts and voice memos and facetimes is that while he had covid, he had a lot of free time so one day he said fuck it and started going through everything qaf related online. So here’s a bit of a rundown of his 20 years late opinions: He is (still) angry at Hal, he’s angry at one of the writers (i forgot his name but it’s the writer who talked shit about Randy publicly), he has mixed feelings about Dan and Ron just because he’s not very fond of old men but he is also sure as fuck that they had issues with Randy, he found out that Michelle has a child with Bryan Singer and now he doesn’t like her because “i have morals.” He again remembered Gale was Pentecostal and that threw him in for a spiral at 3 am and what followed was a feverish rant about cults (which made no sense but that’s okay). He found old interviews where Randy was not so fond of qaf and that made him have some feelings but it ended up with him announcing a “war” against writers. And then he circled back to his anger at Hal because he decided that he was clearly jealous of Gale/Randy’s attention. He has range ngl. This is also where he decided Gale is a missing person because ‘seriously how the fuck can nobody post anything about him? Make him go to some charity event or some shit, I miss my man.’

Then on the day that I told him Randy is retiring which was like 2(?) days ago, he called me because he listened to the Poly episode of Randy’s podcast again (this lead to me later telling him since he didn’t see the new ep since this was the only one he had saved) anyway he called me to ask ME about if I* think he could be polyamorous (having siblings that youre close with is such a weird fucking thing). Then he decided I was not the right person to ask so he called our aunt who actually is polyamorous while he was on facetime with me and I got to witness the beauty that made me and my neighbor laugh way too hard (i wish you could hear/see him but just imagine a toddler covered in chocolate trying to make a point with an attitude how he totally didn’t eat the chocolate) because our aunt hit him with ‘i mean…stranger things have happened but also (his name), you broke up with your ex girlfriend because she wouldn’t share her purse with you’ He argued it with this and I quote ‘okay FIRST of all how DARE you bring that up, you know I’m still sensitive about that, 2nd the purse matched my outfit so it was rude she didn’t share. 3rd, I shared my two purses with her whenever she asked because sharing is caring, see that proves my point, 4th the purse was in a box for donations so once again: RUDE on her behalf and 5th and probably most important part: she cheated on me with her cousin’s girlfriend 2 days before so I think the least I deserved was to be allowed to borrow a fucking purse.’ Reader, I need you to understand that this happened like 10 years ago when he was like 25. Till this day he is more upset about the purse part than the cheating part. He was upset about that for a week until she texted him she thinks she’s gay and then he went ‘oh..i mean you couldve just fucking said so..btw did you throw that purse away?’ Our whole family still makes fun of that (in a nice way) bc he really didnt care about anything except the purse but also because he hit on a girl at bar once and she told him she’s gay and he pulled up instagram and showed her our accs and went ‘i got a sister or an ex, whose number would you prefer’ so he’s definitely still upset over the purse. Btw the jury is still out on him being able to share a whole human.

And also today which is why I’m sending you this now, I woke up to these next texts: ‘what if i change my therapist and I go to Randy? How fucked up would that be?’ ‘Imagine I end up in his office and just start talking to him about qaf’ ‘wait hold up, imagine if I didn’t know it’s him! And i show up in my Justin shirt and go on this long speech about this show and Brian and Blondie…at what point do you think he’d stop me?’ ‘Okay so I texted (his therapists name) and after he was done being mad at me for asking him dumb questions under the impression of emergency late at night, his only words were ‘in my humble professional opinion, (his name), it would be BEYOND fucked up’ but I think he’s exaggerating, what do you think?’ ‘So what kind of therapist do you think he’ll be? Like one on one ‘you got depression, heres pills’ type or couples or what?’ ‘Also do you think he’ll be a cool chill therapist or will he be one of those that look like they escaped their Mormon family and have a stick up their ass?’ ‘Do you think my man is also doing some random work now? Like mechanic or something?’ ‘My man as in my man Gale btw’ ‘no but fr imagine you go to therapy and the dude who you watched fuck on tv is your therapist… at what point do you tell him that you know what his booty looks like?’ ‘His choice in clients are limited.. either kids with no social media or like the fucking Amish’ So I would say he is handing the Randy retirement/therapist news about the same as all of us… or worse.. I actually can’t decide.

Dear sweet anon! I put out into the universe that I wanted updates from you and your brother and the universe delivered.

First of all, we are all devastated about Randy retiring from acting/public life. But also, as a therapist, I do support this journey for him. I do think it will be hard but he will have supervisors along the way to help him navigate the fact that there is footage out there of his butt on a Showtime show. Either that or he can only see clients who are toxic levels of heterosexual.

Speaking of your brother's idea to covertly become his patient, may I direct you to this anon I received? Here THE FANDOM KNOWS YOUR BROTHER AND PREDICTED HE WOULD WANT TO INFILTRATE RANDY'S THERAPY PRACTICE.

The soundtrack online is a travesty and is also homophobic. Would your uncle help me find the DVDs too? I have S2 but not the rest. (I don't even have a DVD or Blu Ray player but I also bought the entire David Tennant Doctor Who collection on Blu Ray (well minus 14 I guess) so at this point I'm just collecting stuff. (I do have a link to a google drive with all the episodes but you or your brother would have to reach out to me by DM here or on discord (thataj.) because I can't post it publicly (it's not actually mine lol).

I think it is very polyamorous to break up with someone for not sharing. Also, I am now curious about his collection of purses. Isn't sharing the name of the game in polyamory?

I think all of his opinions about everyone are so valid. We do get one (1) proof of life from Gale on social media per calendar year. Usually on someone else's account. I know there was a post of him in 2023 so we need to look out for 2024. I do NOT know what he is doing to earn a living these days. It is very likely he has a job that is not in entertainment or at least not on stage or on screen. Maybe entertainment adjacent?

Thank you so much for this update. I love that this continues to cause drama and discussion in your family. I love that your brother's therapist is fully involved. And I love that you continue to share your family with us.

[idontlikeem]

i got some shit i gotta get out of my head or i am quite literally going to lose my fucking mind. this is disjoined and written stream-of-conscious; this is not a writing exercise that i went back to make sound pretty.

tw for references to cancer, unhealthy relationships, alcoholism.

ooookay so. so! so.

i've made a few references to stuff like this in the past, but:

my mom is dying of cancer and likely only has a few months left

i am getting divorced, and the divorce happened in an abrupt, cruel, traumatic fashion

so, that's the groundwork i'm working with rn.

i've been with my soon-to-be ex-husband for ten years. that's a decade. we got together right after college and have been together ever since.

yes, that means i'm old. sorry not sorry.

i have not been single since my early twenties. i have not lived alone for more than a year, when i was 22.

i am scared. i am lonely. i am devastated that the man i loved, who i thought loved me too, decided to blow up my life in such an unbelievably cruel fashion.

because, of course, he knows my mom is dying. he knows how bad it's getting.

it's interesting what hindsight shows you. i thought he was supportive. i thought he was doing his best to be there for me, he was just maybe a little misguided but his intentions were good.

i thought the different issues we had were uncontrollable, things i'd have to learn to live with.

he has ADHD so of course he'd never be able to remember to do chores without me reminding him over and over, of course he'd never see something that needed cleaning on his own and just do it, of course he'd say inappropriate things to me in front of my friends and family that are embarrassing; i just need to get over it, who cares?

his parents were dysfunctional growing up so of course he'd always scream at me when he was upset, of course he'd lunge at me as if he were going to attack me if i 'made him too mad'; i need to stop acting like it's a big deal.

he knows he has a drinking problem but he's working on it, so of course i should never, ever nag him or ask him to stop drinking, of course i should accept that he's going to hide cans and bottles from me (or try), of course i should just get over it when he's shitfaced and absolutely ruins events because he refuses to stop, of course i shouldn't ever ever say anything to him about the times he put his hands on me with violent intent while drunk because of course he didn't mean it; if i did, it would make him feel bad. it's my fault he drinks too much, of course.

of course.

he wanted to make some major changes to our life, none of which i consented to or at any point indicated or hinted that i wanted. when i said i was not interested in them, i was told i wasn't being flexible, and shouldn't i want to move anyway? after all, your mom is dying, don't you want to live near her? don't you care about your own mother? i care about my family, after all—why don't you?

be flexible. learn to compromise.

i've thought a lot about the concept of 'compromise' recently, and how frequently i, to keep the peace, allowed it to mean 'you get what you want and i don't get what i want, not even a little'. i was married, after all, and this was my husband—i was working to save our marriage. or at least that's what i thought.

it didn't matter. because the instant i refused to wholly give into him on something, and instead enforced a true compromise, i was suddenly: the worst, most inflexible person to deal with. you should hear the things my family is saying about you. you're making this trip so much harder and so unpleasant for everyone else. this isn't all about you. why won't you just cancel your plans? you need to do what i want instead.

i've spent 60% of this year alone. there were always reasons for him to disappear, to go away, and then be gone for months at a time. they were good reasons, plausible ones, but they just kept coming.

i got covid and he wouldn't come back to take care of me. i'm not saying i need that; plenty of people live alone and have covid. but i was married. i had a husband. that's part of what spouses do, they take care of each other. at least, that's what i signed up for.

it's what my dad is doing.

my mom is so sick. i've never seen a person this sick. it's terrifying. she's going to be dead sooner than i had mentally prepared myself for, and i'm not ready. there's been a lot of denial in how i've been handling this—maybe not denial, maybe hope that something she'd try treatment-wise would work. none of them are working.

my dad is by her side. he's retiring early so he can spend his time with her. it doesn't matter and it's not good enough and it's not what they deserve, but he's there.

what if you had gotten sick, my mom asked me when i was home visiting a few weeks ago, what if that breast biopsy you got done two years ago had come back positive for cancer? i've cried myself to sleep thinking about how that man would never take care of you, how it would be all about him. it's made me sick to think of how horrible he's been to you.

she's right. he wouldn't have been there for me, at least not how i needed. it would have been what he decided i needed, because of course how could anything he thinks is correct be wrong?

he didn't want me to get a lawyer, for the divorce. he thought that if he told me i didn't need one, i wouldn't get one, and he'd be able to steamroll over me just like he's done for years now, and i'd just fold in on myself and meekly agree to what he wanted. i'd be the shell i'd let him make of me, the little personality-less doll he thought i should be, and when i wasn't, when i didn't, he didn't understand.

and now? he's angry.

he's demanding i accommodate requests that i have no legal obligation to accommodate. you need to make this work, he says, with the implied threat being if you don't i'm going to hold the money i owe you over your head. as if what he's asking for doesn't involve other people. no, it's all about him, the main character of life! all the rest of us exist for is to accommodate his whims and wishes, and if we don't, he is allowed, encouraged even, to be rude, to be cruel, to be demanding.

i'm not a person to him. i'm certainly not a person you respect and treat as a whole, real individual. i'm an obstacle, an inconvenience.

when i see messages from him now my heart rate shoots up and my breathing accelerates. i get shaky and dizzy and panicky. in a sick way, it mimics the start of a relationship, when a message from that new person you're so excited about makes you anxious in a good way, nervous with anticipation.

what a sick parody this is.

i'll always care deeply about you, he said, this was the hardest thing i've ever had to do.

he couldn't even do it to my face. he ran to hide with mommy and daddy.

all because i wouldn't uproot my life to move back to where his parents live, because he's bored of this city i've made my home in.

all because i had the gall to expect him to pull his weight in our shared home, financially and via tasks.

all because i wanted to keep progressing with my life—buy a home, carve out a space of our own.

all because...well, there are some things i won't say. but no, weirdly enough the daily misery of being made to feel like someone's maid isn't sexy for me.

relationships end all the time. people fall in love and fall apart. but this? trying to hurt someone? being cruel just because?

i'm so tired.

[petri808]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the ask box of people who mean something special to you. Share some happiness 🌺💜

Right now, it’s been tough so the things that make me happy are more like goals.

1) I enjoy writing, but haven’t been able to do much in over a year. So, little by little, even if it’s a sentence I push myself to do something. I’m proud of myself for finishing a secret Santa story on time this year!

2) the friends I’ve made online have gotten me though a lot of the tough times, so please know I love you guys a lot! Getting back to you all helps to motivate me to get better 💜 and I’ll try to pop into Discord here and there when up to it. Oh, and I even got to meet two of you irl this August! You know who you are. That’s something I’ll remember for the rest of my life.

3) related to above is interacting with the fandom. I had to drop out of the nalu blog cause I couldn’t keep up anymore. Giving up sucked, since I’d been doing it since fall of 2018, but it wasn’t fair to everyone else to let it flounder. Seeing it continue makes me really happy.

4) my irl bestie of 27+ years has been living with me for a couple years while their family home is rebuilt after a fire. It’s made me undeniably happy to be able to help her, and her helping me through all the shit I’ve been dealing with. I’m blessed to have such an amazing friend. I’d lost tough with most of our old friends from hs, but this has motivated me to rekindle the relationships.

5) lastly, imma be selfish and say myself cause I’m proud I didn’t give up. 20 years ago this strife might’ve led to suicide, so that means I have gotten stronger. Looks like I just have more information I can stick in a story 🙃lol. Making myself happy is a big motivator.

Even with help, surviving whatever happens to you is ultimately due to your own efforts of not giving up, so Always remember to pat yourselves on the back!

I’m right with you girl 🥹✊ @cstorm86 it’s been a hell of a ride lately, but you’re a survivor! You got this! 💪

I’ll explain why I’ve been MIA from here for so long below.

From spring 2019 to august 2021 so much crap happened with my family. My uncles cancer/death revealed an explosive skeleton in the family closet that left my grandma homeless in November 2019. Neither her surviving kids would take her for selfish reasons so she lived with me. She was doing so well!… but In September 2020 her daughter finally took her, stuck her in a room sending her health plummeting and she died by the following April 2021. The final straw was my mom dying from Covid in august 2021 because my trumpster half-siblings who didn’t believe in Covid brought it home. They’re now all dead to me. I’ve also been having a lot of medical problems on top of this so, in September 2021 I just… cracked… Three psychiatrists, two anti-depressants, one antipsychotic, and two therapists later I’ve finally found a good therapeutic fit. Psychotherapy is tough but I really like it and I think I’ve started the road to recovery. I highly recommend this form of therapy when you need to fully break free from past traumas.

[mail-posting]

ok. it is now 2:06 am and the amount of fucking ads on genius gave my phone covid so i had to type this in my notes app after getting about halfway through the first 2 times i am a little sleepy so i might be very wrong

this is from the perspective of andrew. the "fire" is the constant feelings of inferiority, of sin, of guilt, of being filthy. running for the sink implies a sense of urgency, like to try and get something disgusting off immediately (like. you know. sin) but being unable to because its an integral part of him he'll never be rid of. there's no salvation from it.

the words (his praying) only add to the feelings of irredeemable sin as he's constantly trying to make up for everythinf he's committed. the company of frederick makes it easier to bear, as he has a distraction, he can feel somewhat at ease, but he worries that if frederick realizes just how unholy and disgusting he is, he'll be left alone again.

this is sort of a duet part. for andrew, it's more of a moral obligation to stay here- its his job to tend to the cemetary, to upkeep his mothers room, to mourn the dead. alternatively, frederick is more drawn in to the house, like it's more of a beckon. the ghosts in andrew's case are eli and his mother—while he doesn't know thats who they are, he can sense them. "used to be" in particular is about his mother, as she did previously live here. frederick's ghosts are more of the voices in his head (which are. technically ghosts as well.) of the previous kreiss's perhaps

the first two lines are. self explanatory i would think. andrews house is kind of in a state of neglect (other than his mom's old room) and the backyard is. literally filled with bones

the house "not feeling like home" is about andrew. a home is somewhere you're safe and protected and cared for and loved. he may have a house, but there's none of that in it. his windows are boarded and everything has been broken at least once, and the one person who'd made it feel somewhat homely had been gone for years. 

another duet part— the devil being the curse resulting from their friendship. andrew's and frederick's curses respectively- the locals dying, and being haunted by the spirits. to lay them to rest would to be rid of them, and the mercy bit is andrew is hoping to be spared from the satanic force, while frederick doesnt want to be tormented by the spirits any longer. 

this part i think is mainly frederick-- the machine being the piano he plays, the "secrets" are the voices/spirits. the songs are used to ward them/attract them and they're only able to be seen from behind frederick's eyes

frederick is. stressed to say the least. he's trying to keep it together for the sake of everything, to solve alva's murder, to try and help keep everyone from going fucking insane but he's holding on. "the war [starting] in [his] heart" could be maybe doubt? maybe being torn to what he thinks the right thing is?? maybe having second thoughts about andrew's intentions considering the whole kreissburg situation????

the last ending bit is andrew i think, since frederick had stopped chasing the approval of people a while ago. andrew however wants to be good enough, he wants to be worthy, he wants to be ablw to be saved. 

SHAKES YOU SO HARD

[emptym0rgue]

I need to rant this is a rant about covid n the flu n all that shit.

I have a coworker who refuses to wear a mask, we arent mandating masks at the moment but this coworker said if we start to, they “need to let her know in advance so she can put in her two weeks”. This bothers me because of just how selfish it is.

She claims she didnt get the vaccine, had covid once so she doesnt care if she gets it again, and refuses to wear a mask. Lemme break this down.

She didnt get the vaccine. She 100% could, just chooses not to. The reason the vaccine is there is so those who can get it do, making them less likely to get covid. “But its just a flu it didnt hurt me when i had it i dont care if i get it-” theres people out there who cant get the vaccine. Those who cant have compromised immune systems and other conditions that makes them significantly more susceptible to getting covid and or dying from covid. Essentially the point of the vaccine is for people who dont have compromised immunity to go get it and prevent those with weaker immune systems from getting covid themselves. For example, i get the covid vaccine because my mom has a weaker immune system, covid could literally kill her. Its also a point that if you go in public while having covid and not knowing it/not caring, you could give it to strangers. This could cause that stranger to have a “little flu” like some call covid, or it could cause them to have major respiratory issues, or kill them.

Next, she said covid was just like a flu and she doesnt care if she has it again. Similar to my point before, if she has it then she could transmit it to folks with weaker immune systems. “But it was just like the flu it doesnt matter if others get it-” for others, it may be more than a flu. Some have died from covid yes but others have got pneumonia, had lung damage and other traumatic experiences. Just because one person with covid sees it as a bitty lil flu that doesnt mean everyone will experience it that way.

Last she refuses to wear a mask. Sorry to repeat myself but the point of the mask is to protect others so they dont get it, not for yourself.

The ideology that covid is some lil flu and theres no reason to get the vaccine and all this n that, its inherently selfish and harmful. So many people say about “why do we act like this with covid but not the flu, the flu kills people” thats the fucking point of the ~flu vaccine~ that ignorant asshats also refuse to take.

History proves that vaccines n masks n all of this works. In the US, polio was killing people and making people sick. In the 50’s, hospitals were full of sick patients, kinda like they were in 2020 with covid ridden patients. Heres a graph of the deaths and cases over time.

The cases and deaths all significantly went down roundabout 60’s and 70’s. The polio vaccine was created and given out starting in 1955 as a shot but later was given as a liquid drop orally in 1961. Theres been little to no cases of polio in the US since the 70’s.

What im trying to say is that if we treat covid how we treated polio, it can be gone. For that to happen, get the vaccines, wear the masks, be considerate and conscious of those around you.

[jjsanguine]

get to know me ask game

Tagged by @khabkhluen

RULES: highlight the ones that are true and tag 15 people to do it. I hate tagging people it feels like I'm yelling in their ear. Feel free to tag me though, it is always welcome unless you're insulting me or something

100% true about me // partially true or unsure if applicable

APPEARANCE

Blonde hair // I prefer right clothing to loose clothing (I basically have to for sensory+disability reasons. If I could I would still exclusively wear skinny jeans) // I have one or more piercings // I have at least one tattoo // I have dyed or highlighted my hair (never doing that again the bleach smell fried my nose hairs through an FFP2 mask) // I have gotten plastic surgery // I have or had braces // I sunburn easily // I have freckles // I paint my nails (I used to but I can't anymore) // I typically wear makeup // I don’t often smile // I am pleased with how I look (I'm not on T yet) // I prefer Nike to Adidas // I wear baseball hats backwards (I haven't worn a baseball hat since 2014, I physically couldn't)

HOBBIES AND TALENTS

I play a sport // I can play an instrument // I am artistic // I know more than one language (ish) // I have won a trophy in some sort of competition (I've won loads of awards but all were medals and one time a brass(?) plate) // I can cook or bake without a recipe // I know how to swim // I enjoy writing (enjoy is a strong word for writing books but I do enjoy writing songs) // I can do origami // I prefer movies to tv shows // I can execute a perfect somersault // I enjoy singing (I fucking love singing) // I could survive in the wild on my own // I have read a new book series this year // I enjoy spending time with (a) friend(s) (my preferred method of socialising is incompatible with being COVID conscious) // I travel during work or school breaks // I can do a handstand

RELATIONSHIP

I am in a relationship // I have been single for over a year // I have a crush // I have a best friend who I’ve known for ten years (I don't have a "best" friend but I've knows all my irl friends at least 10 years) // my parents are together // I have dated my best friend // I am adopted // My crush has confessed to me // I have a long distance relationship // I am an only child // I give advice to my friends // I have made an online friend (I'm not really sure when a relationship counts as friendship online. I didn't really use social media at all till 2016, or seriously before the pandemic) // I met up with someone I have met online

AESTHETICS

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell // I have watched the sun rise // I enjoy rainy days ( when I'm in Nigeria. In the UK it's just inconvenient) // I have slept under the stars // I meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // I enjoy the smell of the beach // I know what snow tastes like // I listen to music to fall asleep (usually YouTube videos though) // I enjoy thunderstorms // I enjoy cloud watching // I have attended a bonfire (smoke inhalation ≠ fun though) // I pay close attention to colors // I find mystery in the ocean // I enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favorite season

MISCELLANEOUS

I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // I am the mom friend // I live by a certain quote // I like the smell of sharpies // I am involved in extracurricular activities (I'm not in education currently but was heavily involved when I was) // I enjoy Mexican food (or as close as you can get to it in the UK) // I can drive a stick shift // I believe in true love // I make up scenarios to fall asleep // I sing in the shower (I sing constantly) // I wish I lived in a video game // I have a canopy above my bed // I am multiracial // I am a redhead // I own at least 3 dogs

[selamat-linting]

okay, update on my sims legacy challenge

-shirley's childhood : the dad is dead, but things are pretty okay. simone still visit them as a ghost since i put his urn in a special graveyard at the house. she also, kinda has another dad later on. yeah, alondra's remarried, not the ghost of l. faba or even morgyn. but her new neighbor, tanaka

-it happened during a power conservation day. shirley was busy doing her homework while alondra made potions and dranked the good luck one. she had a visit by one of her neighbors called tanaka and he gave her a death flower. i was busy with shirley for ONE second, and when i get back they were already all over each other. gotta say it was pretty hardcore how he pulls over my admittedly hardcore witch founder by the grim reaper plant. i approve, sir.

-and then, since alondra was begging for one, i gave her a vacation with shirley in tow. unfortunately it was also new years', and shirley's birthday. ohh that was awful. and the worst thing is that, since things are going well, i havent felt the need to use the needs potion. my sim passed out on a bench several times just to make that holiday happen. alondra doesnt even know shirley's friends, she just put the party in a park and invited santa claus in hopes that shirley's too excited on meeting new kids and making a wish to santa to even notice that none of her friends are there. it worked.

-after the bday party, there was also the countdown. since shirley's a teen now, they both spent it at a bar. and alondra becomes a wreck. i got the notif that she was going to die soon. and she has been having sad moods in the background since her friends have been dying. but now she's mostly uncomfortable since as an elder she cant keep up with three events at once without potions. meanwhile she only needs to get more xp so she could have the virtuoso wizard rank to finish her magic aspiration. i literally dont know what else to do. she'd done dueling, experiment, everything! so, i realized, alondra never really unleashed a spell to strangers. its always items or other wizards and occasionally her daughter so she's not filled with grime and dirt. so in that entire night, while shirley talked with the locals, alondra let go all of her restraints and reputation as the good witch and cast infernio on everyone and everything. she almost hit her girl.

-after the holiday, her mood doesnt improve. Im now focused at shirley since she's the only heir so maybe thats why. she'd gotten everything she wanted but alondra is just, sad. she stopped cleaning the house, she's crying all the time and she's not even using potions. sometimes if the ghost of her lovers came she'd kiss them and feel a little better. but alondra is just a barely functioning sim now.

-anyway, about the love interest situation. its more amicable than i thought. somehow all of them still wanted to woohoo and accept flirting dialogues even if alondra had personally dumped and toyed with all three. tanaka, faba, and simeon practicallty take turns seducing alondra

-different than the mom, shirley's fate in romance is... difficult. she had a crush with a girl who likes to use the gym as well, and she has a friend who is oh so sad all the time. her crush is fucking mean. of all people, whyd she has a crush to the only person in school with a red relationship bar with her? my goodness! that girl was a huge asshole. she literally fight someone in the halls. babygirl you have the worst taste in women. your friend danielle is there!

-but danielle is like, sad all the time. every single day i use the "console about death" or "try to cheer up" on her and it doesnt seem to do anything. the fact that their teacher died on second day (IN FRONT OF THE CLASS) doesnt make it any easier. you cant have whirlwind teenage romcom if everyone is highly aware of their loved ones' mortality! (hello covid era graduates)

-so, her options for prom is limited. everyone rejects her advances, and while danielle agreed theyre both gonna go out with the other kids as friends, danielle still create her promposal signs. fearing that shirley's gonna be ditched, she made her own and do the lame and desperate option.

-but in the end. no one gets any bitches so they all attend prom as a good party between friends. shirley sweetheart danced with danielle at first but end up sweetheart dancing with this guy who is the cheer team captain. she doesnt hang out with her crush. she has her mom's tendency of intense partying. before this prom, she went to a college party, and with a miniscule amount of sleep she go through with pre-party, party, and afterparty. and then later in the day she had to do her birthday as well. she didnt even use plentiful needs potion

-so after thats done, lets go back to alondra. her heir is ready now. and even if she's gone, she can visit her in ghost form and her new fiancee is kinda like shirley's second dad. im planning her to do a hiking trail with him btw. and she's so miserably sad all the time. maybe its time to let go. so, thats what she did. at first, she prepped the house, cleaning it and fixing some ignored objects, doing the laundry and everything. and she went to the magic realm to buy wands and look for appropriate tomes for shirley to read later. then she cooks. food for shirley and potions for her AND shirley.

-this is where it gets fun. alondra, being the player that she is, wants to die in the bliss off woohoo, to finally die happy after months of sadness. so she dranked all of her good potions, get married, then invite her new husband in. no, i didnt bring her spouse into the household. It was meant to be a casual wedding where alondra just say her vows and spend the time joyfully eating and drinking, but the most miserable wedding ever. the only one who came other than her family is l faba's ghost. they dont even have cake. they end up cutting the event early after the essentials are done. and then when theyre home, tanaka doesnt even want to woohoo with her. simeon is too sad to woohoo even though he still has high romance bar with alondra. you are the most patient man ever.

-luckily, there's faba! and l. faba is the only one of her love interests who is willing to assist on her suicide by woohoo mission. they fucked. on the showers, on the bed, everywhere possible. and then right in the middle of woohooing, shirley got caught on fire. i really thought she was going to die right there on her mother's suicidal bender. she survived, luckily. and then alondra and l. faba get back on woohooing while shirley took a shower and replaced the burned furnitures. after a few consecutive successful woohoo (god this girl is fit!) alondra finally dies. god bless, my dearest founder. you were loved.

-on a side note, alondra's relationship with l. faba is wildly interesting. the first wizard she knows and the last she'll ever meet. alondra's married twice to other men but it was this woman who attend her wedding twice that spend the most time with her and finally carried alondra to her final resting place. but of course, she will be buried on the grave besides her first husband. not faba's.

[jessicamdawn]

I posted 2,734 times in 2022

That's 2,601 more posts than 2021!

35 posts created (1%)

2,699 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@seekingidlewild

@itwasyummy

@kaylizle

@sherokutakari

@kashidoodles

I tagged 1,343 of my posts in 2022

#thai drama - 619 posts

#not me the series - 288 posts

#kinnporsche - 181 posts

#kdrama - 159 posts

#jdrama - 109 posts

#bad buddy - 73 posts

#extraordinary attorney woo - 72 posts

#not me white - 56 posts

#not me yok - 53 posts

#not me sean - 51 posts

Longest Tag: 91 characters

#the bravest thing in the world is being able to tell someone you’re sad or lonely or scared

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Just passed the 20k mark in this Clone!White Not Me AU fic

Feels like a milestone

Officially a Long Fic

6 notes - Posted April 21, 2022

#4

Wednesday, I had a slight sore throat that persisted throughout the day. Since I had other symptoms of dehydration, we figured it was that and I drank A LOT of water and by the time I went to sleep, it didn’t hurt.

Thursday, my throat hurts worse and only sucking on medicated cough drops helps (which also NUMBED MY TONGUE, I thought I’d lost my sense of taste, y’all. I freaked out.) I had a slight cough and slight headache.

Friday, my sore throat was gone, poof. But! lots of sinus drainage, leading to more coughing, And a slight headache that got worse over the day (ended up taking a migraine pill cause it got so bad. was probably a major tension headache from the stress of being ill in some way.)

Saturday, my throat feels fine until suddenly I HACK. It’s like when your body overreacts to an allergen, where even the smallest thing makes you sneezy or itchy or w/e. The smallest thing tickles my throat and I start coughing (that ‘smallest thing’ being so much nasal drainage, or, you know, bread.)

I was coughing so much I started timing it and realized that, if I’m distracted, I can go 5-6 minutes between coughs, but if there’s no distraction, I cough every 40-50 seconds. So some part of it is psychosomatic. The cough is also worse when lying down.

Now it’s 11 PM and I’m congested enough I need to stack pillows to sleep. While I don’t think it’s COVID (my mom was sick first and tested herself and it came back negative), I’ve still been wearing a mask around any other people and sequestering myself when possible.

Please send well wishes and good prayers my way.

7 notes - Posted July 16, 2022

#3

Chapters: 3/12 Fandom: เขา...ไม่ใช่ผม | Not Me (TV 2021) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Sean/White, Dan/Yok, Black/Gram, Eugene/Namo, Gram & Gumpa & Sean & White & Yok Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Clones, Clone!White, White is not Black's twin but his clone, becoming a person, Self-Reflection, Vigilantism, Illegal Activities, disability rights, Rule of Law, Mental Link, Physical Link, Falling In Love, SeanWhite's real ship name should be TrustFall Chapter Summary:

White takes part in his first acts of vigilantism with the gang, working for disability rights. In the aftermath, he experiences a violent episode that leaves him gasping and certain he has just drowned on dry land. Concerned, Gumpa insists White stay with him at the garage. Now roommates with Sean, White begins to see a new side of his hotheaded teammate.

11 notes - Posted May 13, 2022

#2

Things My Sister Said While I Showed Her “Not Me” Episodes 7-9:

- Todd is sus. Todd is sus when he breathes.

- Sus hair. Sus smile.

- All I hear is -flirt- Officer- we're so wrong for each other. but so right. -passion- flirt-

- I don’t know if I even know what happened in the scene. I think I was having a stroke. It was beautiful.

- Sean is like 'fuck. omg. breathe.’ touching. more touching. went from the knee to the arm. face. this is what friends do. ear. how is sean not freaking out?

- Hey, Google. Call Sus Todd

- Todd’s soy milk is sus

- stfu. I’m dying. I’m screaming. kiss him. fuck. KISS HIM. YES!

- I feel like one of those posts that's like "Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever seen two ex-enemies doing a trust fall and kissing on a rooftop before?"

- Todd is at fault until I say otherwise. Guilty until proven innocent.

- I'm expecting Black to come back and everyone is like "ew. Where's the other guy?"

- (Black slapped White) 😶 Kill him.

11 notes - Posted May 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Given that both White and Sean do a trust fall to prove their deep trust in the other, and that Sean uses a trust fall to prove that Black is not his Black, I suggest that their ship name is not “SeanWhite” or “WhiteSean,” but “TrustFall.”

15 notes - Posted April 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[bratz-kitten]

ASTRO OBSERVATIONS [part 5]

— people with jupiter in the 8th may experience an “abundance” of traumatic experiences throughout life, often relating to death; these are the people who truly feel like everyone they love ends up dying. at their worst, they can become desensitized to death— jupiter is ruled by sagittarius, a sign known for being in denial when in difficult situations in favor of optimism. these natives can pretend like nothing actually happened, or minimize the situation in their head so that they don’t have to face it.

— okay this might be a weird one... like, you know in asoiaf when arya was walking through the streets and was always like “i’m as quiet as a shadow”? that’s literally the energy of someone with planets in the 12th house/chart ruler in the 12th house. these people are so stealthy. they’re able to move so quietly and without anyone noticing, both literally and figuratively. on one hand, they’re very quiet about their plans and ambitions to the point where other people only find out when they’re achieving success over it; on the other hand, they just. don’t like making noise while walking idk bitch you’ll only see me coming when i’m right beside you, i even get paranoid that i’m breathing too loud and that other people will hear 

— people with moon aspecting mars can be incredibly impulsive when they feel hurt or triggered. yall need to be careful with doing things in the heat of the moment that you know you’ll regret later... but in the moment, you feel so hurt that it clouds your rational side. please be more self-aware about this because you may make decisions that will directly affect you for the worse in the future 

— people with leo mars ft. constantly asking you for pictures... about anything. they just wanna SEE LMFAO THEY DON’T CARE WHAT IT IS THEY’RE SEEING. you just got ready to go out? “send pics of your makeup and your full outfit”. you’re waiting in a long boring line to get the covid vaccine? “send pics of the line”. your mom baked cake? “send pics of the cake”. plus they send so many random pictures while texting, it’s their special love language

— having moon conjunct moon/venus in synastry feels insane. you tell them something you’ve been through, and they’re immediately like “that happened with me as well.” it doesn’t even have to be something grand, sometimes just very specific things you thought were particular about you. the amount of understanding that comes with this aspect in synastry can feel very new and intense especially if you’re used to seeing yourself as the “odd one out”, used to feeling isolated in your experiences 

— people with pluto in the 1st house often feel the need to erase “traces” of their existence, for example deleting messages that they sent people, deleting all of their social media posts. they can feel anxious and paranoid about other people having access to their past self, even if the past self in question is from, like. a week ago 

— people with chiron in the water houses (4th/8th/12th) might’ve suffered bullying to the point where they repress their memories. a lot of their memories of their school years may feel foggy if they were bullied in those years

— also. people with chiron in the 8th house may feel as though they’ve been punished for wanting to experience intimacy. it’s like, the people who were supposed to be the closest to them – for example, their sibling or something – were the ones who hurt them the most. 

— people with mercury-neptune aspects and strong pisces/neptune energy in their birth chart might struggle with only remembering things when they’re right in front of them. you should keep things in your peripheral vision to remind you of reality, especially when it comes to feelings— so that you won’t start getting lost inside your own head. like... keep the letters your friends wrote you by your bedside table so you can read them every time your brain starts convincing you that you’re not loved. keep the gifts you’ve been sent on display in your bedroom wall, or sentimental material things that remind you of past happy experiences.

— earth placements and their thing for asmr... omfg. it’s like they’re always looking for things to up their sensory experience/sensitivity. like, earth signs are the ones most connected to worldly experiences so they feel so soothed with the whole asmr experience: just hearing someone gently whispering or tapping on/scratching things calms them down and helps them fall asleep. they love the tingles it’s heaven for them

— moon-saturn aspects might hold and caress themselves while they sleep because their parents never did. yes i woke up and chose violence <3 your secret is NOT safe with me 💋

— while we’re on the topic of sleeping, a majority of the pisces moons i know need to sleep while hugging something, at least a pillow. they can’t just not hug something while they sleep, it’s very instinctive for them. anyways if any pisces moon needs a pillow to hold, i volunteer as tribute 💋

— virgo placements feel sososo soothed by hearing their cats purr. thinking about how my virgo placement friends are always the ones who send me videos of them petting their cats... and then i get soothed by how soothed they feel. it’s a win win situation, if you have virgo placements it’s hereby your duty to send me a video of you petting your cat while they purr. right now. GO

— people with gemini in the 3rd house might have shaky movements of the hands when other people look at them doing things. very specific i know but the third house rules hands and gemini is a sign that has somewhat of an anxious, twitchy quality to it. on the other hand, people with capricorn in the 3rd house (scorpio risings, using whole signs) have the steadiest hands i’ve ever seen lol their movements ooze confidence, these bitches know how to make you feel as thought they know exactly what they’re doing

— people with venus in the 1st house ft. altering their pics with photoshop and hating posting selfies without filters because they never feel like their appearance is good enough. stop it. you don’t need to always look your best and especially not if your ‘best’ isn’t even what you actually look like. also... don’t even think about making self-deprecative jokes about your appearance. next time i find one of yall saying “ahaha im not bad for a 5 without talent” i’m squishing your head between 2 pieces of toast and calling you an idiot sandwich. you’re BEAUTIFUL 

— having venus in the 3rd house in composite with someone? do you mean calling each other the absolute ugliest nicknames in the most endearing way? 

— leo deals with themes of the ego, and it seems that leo placements often struggle with attracting narcissistic people into their life... leo suns/mercuries can be raised by loud, overbearing, narcissistic parents who see their kid as an extension of themselves and who teach the kid to always be very supportive and caring towards them or else they’ll deny them of words of affirmation-- either by insulting them to shatter their self-esteem or simply never complimenting the kid back. leo moons/mars/venus tend to attract narcissistic partners who only care about serving their own emotional needs and ignore the ones of their partner, and who feed off of their supportive and giving nature. which is why leo placements really need to watch out for being gullible, naïve and dismissing the red flags because my god, you be falling for some shady people. 

— people with personal planets in the 12th house/chart ruler in the 12th house might feel like they can’t let go of their past life— they may dream of memories, people or places from another life. it’s like they can’t detach from it, and even if they can’t directly remember their past life, it’s like they feel it in their bones. also, they might’ve felt... estranged from their family ever since childhood; there may have been feelings of being unable to emotionally connect to their (often, distant) parents, and they might’ve even wondered if they were adopted because of how different they felt to the rest of the family. 

— okay so, a thing that people with saturn in the 3rd house need to look out for is mentally checking out of conversations while they’re still happening. these people can detect when they’re being manipulated really fast and their way of dealing with it can be to immediately shut down, to grow cold and silent and not even bother answering when you’re expected to respond. and, like, that’s great when someone starts screaming at you or being insulting/trying to coerce you into shit, but take notice if you find yourself shutting your loved ones out as soon as they say anything that triggers you. don’t simply detach from them, communicate what’s wrong

— aries placements, ESPECIALLY aries suns and moons, value generosity so much and they get so turned off by stingy ppl who don’t share with others, especially when others need it. like.. if you’re hanging out in a group with them and someone asks for a bite of your food because they have no money and you say no... espect them to never respect you. ever. 

— people with libra placements use soooo many adjectives to describe things. something can’t just be beautiful, it has to be DIVINE and CELESTIAL and INTOXICATING. they can be so expressive god it’s so fcking funny 

— capricorn placements HATE asking others for advice because they think no one knows better than them (and they’re not wrong, lol). when they truly care for someone, they might ask the person for advice simply as a sign that they respect, trust and value their judgement. even if they don’t plan on taking it LMFAO 

— people with mars in a water sign can have this terrible habit of expecting other people to guess what they want. and then they get passive agressive when you don’t instinctively feel what it is they want... and when you ask them “do you want this?”, they go like “FINALLY. i thought you’d never get there”. stop it. i know that you want people to understand you in a way that transcends words, but you can’t expect people to read your mind and then get disappointed when they don’t, thinking “oh if they loved me that much then they would’ve known that i really want chipotle for dinner :(” GIRL WHAT. COMMUNICATE YOUR NEEDS  

[helly-watermelonsmellinfellon]

Eviction Update!

After 2 months, the landlady finally went through the legal channels for a court-ordered eviction notice. We got a note that it's in the mail. Mom told her off that day she came to the property and illegally brought a stranger into the house while everyone but me was at Walmart picking up an order. She claimed the stranger was a lawyer, whom she did not inform of the 3 positive Covid cases inside said house.

Well, as stated, she has refused a lease since the beginning. All the places that can help us require a written lease as proof and she has been adamantly against one from the jump. Every one of these places, including the Salvation Army(which I cannot even stand) are capable and willing to foot the entire back rent plus the electric/water bill. That's several thousand dollars in total. This woman has been nagging for money left, right, and center, and is aware that if she just gets a lease, she'll get the money. But she refuses. Suspicious.

With a lease, we'd have an easier time getting somewhere to live too. Since we're apparently too poor to quality for state housing, we have very few options. Sally's is even willing to get us a motel room for a month. It'd be 4 people to one room but damn.

A while back I mentioned that we're going to end up living in our van but that there's something leaking from it and mom panicking. I'm not good with cars, I don't understand what it means, but mom said this just now. "He's gotta fill it back up with water every time we have to turn the car on. It leaks profusely and we've been babying it for months. Suddenly today, it started pouring water and will not retain anything put in it. The van is dying. We don't even have guaranteed transportation for when we're homeless."

I don't understand anything beyond the van dying and us being fucked even more.

We just survived Covid. We all had it. Step-dad got the vaccine. My sister and I were supposed to get it soon but with the van I'm not sure what's happening there. She was supposed to go to the doctor today and now can't. Mom can't even get a vaccine because she has a blood clotting disorder and a pulmonary embolism. She can't risk any of the available vaccines right now. But still! We had it for a few weeks and it was downright terrible. And even with proof in paperwork our bitch of a landlady harassed us over and over for money, for us to leave, and for us to 'prove another way that we're sick'. Still wouldn't follow the law to do it though.

Once again here are the links. Sharing this post would be appreciated.

Mom qualified for food stamps but since we're about to be homeless she's going to lose them. We've been hitting up the local food banks as much as we're allowed to each week but it's not enough.

Step-dad's leg is so bad he can barely waddle and all the firms he's contacted have agreed that he has a case and deserves compensation from his old job that won't pay him despite getting injured on the floor. However, none of them will take up the case because it won't win big money for them. He can't work because he can barely move. My 14 year old sister got a job at a local pizza shop. I have a Ko-Fi now! It's bad for us.

[gofundme]

[Ko-Fi] I am accepting commissions. I'm just trying to help out. I don't know how long I'm going to have internet access for so I'm going to try my best.

I wish I could go back to posting happy things and fandom content all the time and just be a person but life really sucks right now being a part of a 4-person family that makes less than 10K annually.

[jodibodie]

I Have Some Feelings

To start let me just emphasize how much I love and adore this show and always will. This was my covid show. Both of my kids loved “Lucifer” and always said I should watch so at the start of covid I binged it and when I say binged, I mean all 4 seasons in a few days and have rewatched so many times I’ve lost count. I think it is timeless, engrossing, original and all around amazing. The writing and the cast were all excellent. The writing was smart and consistently strong and that is so rare.  Funny, sad, poignant, it hit all the notes with very few plot holes or missteps. There is not one episode in the entire series that was not engaging. Even if I didn’t like an episode, it was still well done. What a rarity.

The cast is scary good. Completely underrated. Just all phenomenally talented.  I don’t remember the last time a cast was this strong.  From the core group to both reoccurring and guest stars, the cast was just fantastic.  

Tom Ellis, no words.  The man deserves to choose whatever he wants to do acting wise. He should have people breaking down his door. He can truly do it all and do it all well. He took a character that if portrayed by a lesser actor could have come off as a complete asshole and made him one of the most sympathetic and loveable characters in recent history. Ellis made a crime solving devil, a promiscuous man-child that occasionally breaks into song and the evidence room into a beloved character that has become an icon.  

Lauren German, WOW.  She is just so damn good. She can break your heart one second and have you laughing the next. She makes Chloe real, and people don’t realize how hard that is. Chloe is smart, kind, tough and gorgeous but she’s also an insecure dork.  She’s us and German just brings it.  

DB Woodside I’ve loved since “Buffy”.  He is a phenomenal actor and who knew he could bring the laughs so well? His expressions were classic. Clueless angel indeed. Amenadiel could have been very one-dimensional but because of Woodside’s talent he became fully fleshed out and full bodied.  

I have no doubt Lesley-Ann Brandt has a huge career in front of her.  She took a character that very well could have been hated, a demon and made her into one of the most human characters on the show. Kudos to her for taking a tough role and making it her own.  

Kevin Alejandro is another actor I’ve loved for a long time.  He also took a character who if we’re going to be honest here did so many unlikeable things that he should have been truly despised but because of Kevin’s portrayal he was beloved. Great actor and a terrific director.

Rachael Harris IMO is the downlow MVP.  She was literally the rock and again, with a lesser actress the role could have been a throwaway. The normal human, the sounding board but Harris imbued her with so much more.  Her spit takes, sarcasm and her obvious compassion was what made Dr. Linda an unforgettable character. Once again just perfect casting.  

Aimee Garcia was a great addition. She made Ella a fan fav and put so much heart, joy and sincerity into Ella never once did you doubt that she would prevail no matter what was thrown at her.  Garcia was just fantastic, and I want her skin care regime.  

Scarlett Estevez pulled off the one thing I thought almost impossible.  She took the role of a young child and made it so I didn’t want to cringe. She portrayed Trixie so beautifully from day one that she was a true pleasure to watch.  Even though Trixie was super precocious Estevez never made her obnoxious. I loved Trixie and I have never said that about any child character in an adult show.  She was wonderful and has an amazing career in front of her.

That said, I’ve got some feelings now that I’ve seen the finale and have had some time to digest it all.  I love that Chloe and Lucifer had eternity and I agree that they had to be separated for Chloe’s lifetime. Didn’t like it but it’s the logical path. She’s human, he’s not. The ageing thing alone necessitated them not being together long term on earth and that’s just to start the list. They had to had to be apart for the short term to get their eternity but the duality of Lucifer's ending and Amenadiel's didn't sit right. Amenadiel as God got to have it all. His calling, his family etc. while Lucifer had to give up everything.  I also don’t buy the “If he came up from hell, he could never leave them again” defense.  I call bullshit.  Amenadiel managed, plus, missing out on the day to day is a huge sacrifice and by Lucifer missing out on the day-to-day Rory could still have had the hatred she needed to drive the story.  Popping in for birthdays, graduations, weddings, etc., the big stuff does not a father make.  Not being there for skinned knees, first heartbreaks, and all the little things a daughter needs her dad for can build up tons of resentment.  Boom, absentee father, just like his dad was. That provides all the millennial angel angst you could ask for. I have a daughter; it doesn’t take much.

The Trixie issue was huge for me. Can Chloe see her in Heaven? Will she be able to travel to Heaven and visit Trixie, Penelope, Dan, her father?  Chloe hesitated leaving Heaven in 5x16 because she couldn’t bear saying good-bye to her dad again. It seems as if Chloe sacrificed everything for Rory including Trixie. I want to preface this by saying. I liked Rory and loved the actress. I didn’t however like how it was as if she were their only child.  When Lucifer spoke of family Trixie was not mentioned. Their family day, the same thing. She didn’t need to be there, I get that the explanation regarding Rory would have been way too much to get into but just a mention of her, how awesome it would have been to share this day with her would have worked. It seemed as if Lucifer went from, “I would do anything to protect that little Urchin” to “Trixie who”. Trixie was a character that we watched grow up and she meant something to us. I hate to say this, but the writers did Trixie and the viewers dirty in this regard.

This show was built around a few premises.  Free will, honesty, redemption, sacrifice and family, both blood and made. The ending completely negated almost all of these.  Chloe and their entire family were made into the one thing Lucifer abhorred the most which are liars. Their daughter was brought up surrounded by lies. What did they tell Trixie?  The poor kid just lost her dad, and she was pissed at Lucifer when he went back to hell the first time. Did she grow up hating him because as far as she knew Lucifer left her mom again without saying good-bye and this time it was even worse because Chloe was pregnant.  I get that the actress who plays Trixie had limited availability but seriously. A quick good-bye.

“Hey Urchin, you won’t understand why for a long time, but I have to leave. You know I never lie so I can’t explain why but know that I love you and your mom and one day I hope you can forgive me.”  

A 30 second scene would have worked.

As all the characters learned throughout the series, omission of the truth is just a form of lying and there are always repercussions i.e., Chloe and Father Kinley, Dan shooting Lucifer, Maze finding out about Lilith and even Ella not being told. As far as free will, both Chloe and Lucifer had their free will taken from them in the end. By Rory forcing them to abide by her wishes, their free will was forfeited. It was a huge manipulation on Rory’s part and considering how much Lucifer hated manipulations it just didn’t sit right.

Parents making huge sacrifices I get. Chloe and Lucifer sacrificed everything for their child. Unfortunately for me this sacrifice, the way it was written seemed contrived to pull out maximum and IMO unjustified angst. I love angst.  Hell, this is my favorite show.  I thrive on the angst. But as I wrote earlier, all the anger, angst and hatred towards Lucifer could have been achieved without having Lucifer completely out of the picture. I have two kids and my husband, and I have made huge life altering sacrifices for them as many parents do but being there for the day-to-day little things was what made the difference in their lives and cemented the close relationships we have with them.

“Yeah, dad you were great. Showing up for the fun stuff, always swooping in for the big finish to play the hero then ditching us when things got tough. When Grandma was dying where were you?  Nice that you showed up for the funeral but the six months leading up to it…we needed you and once again you weren’t there. When T got sick, when Jen broke my heart, blah, blah, blah…”

Even the whole Chloe dying scenario. They could have written it that rage Rory traveled minutes before Lucifer got there. Have him pop in right after Rory comes back. There were so many ways to achieve the end game they wanted other than the way they went. It seemed contrived and as if they took the easy way out to get where they needed to go. The Rory rage that was the catalyst for her traveling back in time and Lucifer finding his calling could still have been accomplished without the whole Lucifer disappearing storyline.

Now that I’ve finished my diatribe there’s a couple of additional things I would like to say.  Lucifer is and always will be one of my favorite shows of all time. There are not enough words to describe the comfort and enjoyment this show has brought me. Thank you, thank you, thank you to the producers, cast and crew. You truly created something special.

To the fandom. Please do not let a polarizing conclusion rip apart the fandom. The only other fandom I was a part of tore itself apart so badly that the FBI got involved.  Hence why I waited for 15 years to dip my toe in again. Everyone invested in this show has the right to their feelings.  Debate is fine, baiting and bullying are not. The Lucifer fandom like the show is very special. Without the fandom we wouldn’t have gotten any conclusion so don’t let opposing viewpoints tarnish what has been a magical journey.