#and dean tells him how bad it was sometimes. but how it wasn't all bad. because it wasn't.

[angelsdean]

Jack: Yeah, he-he wasn't all bad, my dad. Uh, that's what makes our parents loom so large in our heads, I think. They're… a million things to us all at once.

And even after they're long gone, we're stuck with them. Can't help it. They're inside of us. You know, my whole life, I promised myself I'd be nothing like him, but…I ended up just like him.

Kevin: No, Dad. You're way better than him.

Jack: Thank you, my son. And you're gonna be way better than me.

— 5x07, This Is Us

[octoberclidan]

Stolen Glances

Request: Can you write a smut story with dean in it I was hoping a friends to lovers sort of thing

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Masterlist

Note: this is 18+ only. Do not read this if you're under 18.

Story:

Glances. That's all she could get of him. She watched from the passenger seat of the Impala while the sun and the wind worked together to scatter highlights through his hair, and she listened as he sang along to his tape as if there was no one in the car with him. She smiled as she watched him enjoy the drive, no monsters to hunt down, no angels or demons after them, just a drive to get supplies for the bunker. He'd come to her room in the early afternoon to see if she wanted to come with him, and she never said no to spending more time with him, to catch more glances, to see small glimpses into what her life would be like if he was hers. He looked over to her after the song ended and she quickly looked away, not wanting to he caught stealing her glances.

"Think they'll have pie?" He asked and she looked back at him, rolling her eyes and laughing.

"Remember how you threatened the poor guy last time they had none? I think they order in twice as many now just in case you come in looking for it".

"Hey, don't bring up bad memories", he gave her a fake glare before looking back out at the road, and he smiled when he heard her quietly giggle to herself.

"Sorry, I forgot how traumatic that experience was for you".

"Worst thing that ever happened to me", he smiled while shaking his head. Although he was joking, [Y/N] sometimes wondered if being disappointed by a store being out of pie was somewhere up there with all of his other traumatic experiences in his head.

"Well, if they don't have pie then we can get the ingredients and I'll make one for you".

"Are you trying to get in my pants? 'Cause that'd do it", he grinned, glancing over for a second to admire the blush he'd created on her cheeks.

"Just drive", she couldn't help but smile, turning her head to look out of the window, hiding how easy it was for Dean to get her flustered. No one had ever given her butterflies with just a smile. Especially not a cocky smile. Then came Dean Winchester, so naturally confident, more attractive than any man she'd ever met. Just one wink from him and her heart would skip a beat, just one gentle brush of his hand against hers and she lost all sense of herself. She could keep her heartbeat and breathing steady when she was in hand-to-hand combat with any monster or demon, but one stolen glance at Dean and she couldn't control it. She didn't know if it was just a crush that she hadn't been able to get over, or if she was actually in love with him. She knew she loved him in some sense, she loved Sam and Cas too, but her feelings for Dean ran much deeper than familial love. She was hesitant to put a label on it though, and she'd never tell him.

Dean pulled into a parking space right in front of the store, and he led the way in, [Y/N] following behind him. "You wanna go grab the toilet paper? I'll get the food", Dean asked and [Y/N] nodded, and the two went their separate ways. She wandered down the aisle where she knew she'd find the toilet paper, but stopped when something caught her eye. Condoms. She couldn't remember the last time she'd needed them, she wasn't into casual sex with strangers like she knew Dean was, or even Sam was on occasion. Living in a bunker and spending most of her time either inside it, or across the country on a case with the boys, didn't really give her much time to build a relationship with anyone other than the boys. She often visited the local bar with Sam and Dean, and she never really liked the lonely trip back to the bunker on the occasion that they both found someone else to go home with. She had been feeling more and more in the mood for it recently though. Her fingers and her imagination, mostly occupied by thoughts of Dean, just weren't cutting it anymore. She wanted to find a man, but she'd been holding herself back, always finding excuses. She figured that maybe if she bought a pack of condoms and kept one in her purse, she'd be giving herself one less excuse to leave their bar alone.

She quickly grabbed a packet and made her way to the toilet paper, grabbing a few other toiletries on the way to hide the condoms. The last thing she wanted was for Dean to see them, raise his eyebrow at her, and make some smart comment on them. She knew she'd probably burn her cheeks with the embarrassment if that happened. She made her way to the checkout and paid for her stuff before heading outside to wait for Dean. She shoved the condoms into her jacket pocket while she held the rest of her things in a bag, waiting by the car for him to come out. In hindsight, she should've taken the keys from Dean so she could sit in the car, she knew he'd take longer if he was the one shopping for food. The air was warm, and she closed her eyes to enjoy the light breeze in her hair.

"Hey Sweetheart", Dean's voice caught her attention, and she opened her eyes to see him walking towards her, his hands full with bags. She could see a familiar box of pie peaking out of the top of one, and she almost felt disappointed. She wondered if she'd had to make one for him, if it would give him a reason to like her more.

"Hey", she smiled, pushing off the car. "They had pie?"

"Yup", Dean chuckled. "Dude scrambled to go get it when he saw me, I didn't even have to say anything".

"I'm telling you, he's terrified", she laughed and Dean shrugged sheepishly at her.

"Hey, could you grab the keys? They're in my pocket", Dean turned to his side and nodded down at his pocket. She nodded and reached into his jacket pocket with her free hand, but Dean cleared his throat when she found his pocket was empty. Looking up at him in confusion, she noticed a light blush across his nose. "Uh, sorry, I meant my jeans".

"Oh", she said, feeling the heat rising in her cheeks. "Right". She took her hand out of his jacket pocket and reached into his jeans pocket, quickly pulling out the keys and unlocking the car. They set their bags down before she silently handed Dean the keys and they got into the car. As soon as the engine was turned on, Dean turned on the music, neither of them making eye contact. She didn't know why it was so awkward, they'd been a lot closer to each other than having a hand in the other's pocket. She'd cleaned and stitched up wounds on his chest, stomach, and back. He'd cleaned and stitched up wounds on her shoulders, thighs, and sides, and it was never awkward.

About halfway back to the bunker, [Y/N] finally stole a glance over at Dean. The sun was starting to set, filling the Impala with a warm orange glow, and it hit Dean's face perfectly. They were coming up to a turn in the road when Dean looked in her direction, meaning to look out her window but catching her staring at him instead. When their eyes met, she jumped slightly and turned to look out the front of the car instead, but she looked back when she heard Dean chuckle. "What?" She asked, and he smirked before nodding down at the space between them, then looking back out onto the road. She looked down and immediately her cheeks felt like they were on fire. Her box of condoms had slipped out of her pocket and were now sitting beside her, fully visible to Dean.

"You seeing someone?" He asked as she quickly stuffed them back into her pocket.

"No", she shook her head, looking out the passenger window, not wanting to catch his eye.

"You planning to?" He asked, glancing over at her. She thought he sounded worried. She looked back at him with furrowed eyebrows.

"Maybe? Why does it matter to you?"

He shrugged as he looked back out the window. "Just think that if you're planning on going home with some guy, then Sam or I should know where you are. You know, for safety".

She scoffed and shook her head. "You don't tell me where you go when you find someone to hook up with. You think I can't look out for myself?"

"No, I do", he said, clearing his throat. "I just didn't know you were into that kind of thing".

"I'm not", she said quietly. Talking about one night stands, or sex in general, while alone with Dean was something she'd managed to avoid so far. She couldn't help but notice that he kept glancing at her as he drove. He quickly looked at her pocket, then back to the road, then to her eyes, then back to the road, then to her chest, then back to the road, then to her lips, then back to the road. It was making her feel a little self conscious, but it was also making her feel warm inside. After a few moments of silence, Dean cleared his throat again.

"So uh, if you're not into it, what's with the condoms?"

"Why are you suddenly so interested in my purchases?" Her cheeks warmed again as she saw his neck turn pink. Why did he look nervous? This was Dean, he didn't get nervous that easily.

"I'm not", he said, and she turned away from him again.

She sighed, contemplating whether it would be more or less awkward to continue the conversation. She didn't want things to be awkward between them later, so she figured it would be best just to get it out of the way now. "It's just... been awhile for me. I'm not into one night stands, but I also have needs, and desires, you know?" She asked, and Dean swallowed, nodding, but kept his eyes on the road. "So I figured, next time I'm at the bar, I'll give myself as few excuses for rejecting a guy as possible".

"Oh", he nodded. He stole another glance before muttering a "fuck this" and pulled over onto the side of the road.

"What are you doing?" She asked in confusion, and Dean turned to fully face her. She noticed that his eyes seemed darker than usual, and his chest showed he was breathing heavily.

"I can't concentrate on driving, I can't concentrate while thinking about you being prepared to go home with some guy, while thinking about you having needs and desires. Fuck [Y/N], do you even realise how hot you are?"

Now she was swallowing nervously. No man had ever looked at her quite like how Dean was looking at her, nothing but desire on his face as he gripped the steering wheel tightly, like he was finding it difficult to restrain himself. She blinked at him, completely speechless, waiting to wake up in her bed. Never in a million years would she ever have thought Dean would look at her like that, that he'd want her like that. Yet, here he was, waiting for her to say something, to give him permission. She glanced down at his lips as he licked them, and she couldn't help herself, she shuffled closer to him, sliding along the front bench. He lifted his arm up and onto the back bench behind her, and took his other hand off the steering wheel and grabbed her thigh, pulling a gasp from her as he angled her to face him. He left his hand on her thigh as he stared down at her, so close she could feel his breath on her face.

They glanced at each other's lips as they leaned in towards one another, finally closing their eyes as their lips touched. Dean almost immediately pushed his tongue into her mouth as he gripped her thigh tighter, and she moaned as his other hand slipped off the bench and into her hair. She slid her hands up his chest, leaving one there feeling his heart beating quickly as her other hand continued up to his face, feeling his stubble under her finger tips. Neither of them cared that they were on the side of the road as Dean's hand left her thigh and slid up under her shirt, his thumb just below her bra and his fingers gripping her side. She giggled as she pulled away from him, looking up and smiling. "That tickles".

He smiled at her as he leaned down for another kiss, pushing her down onto the bench and leaning his elbows either side of her. He pressed himself on top of her and she moaned as he ground against her. He left her lips and kissed along her jaw down to her neck before pushing his hand inside her jacket, pulling it off and letting it fall to floor of the car. He pushed his hand back up her top, feeling her body. "Dean", she whispered. He pecked at her neck once more before pushing himself up to look at her properly.

"Yeah Sweetheart?" He had that smirk on his face, the one she was all too familiar with, the one that made her imagine all sorts of scenarios with him.

"You're wearing too many clothes".

He chuckled before looking up over her head, out the passenger window. Luckily it was a quiet road, there didn't seem to be many people about. "Wanna get in the back? There's more space". He watched her blush as he spoke. "I mean, if you wanna keep going that is".

"Well", she bit her lip as she reached up cup his cheek. "I am prepared and everything".

He grinned as he wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her up, reaching over her to open her door. She laughed at how excited he seemed, his smile making him look like he didn't have a care in the world, like this moment between them was the only thing in existence. He grabbed the condoms out of her discarded jacket, and they quickly got out of the car. Dean used the time to shed his own jacket before they slid into the back seat. Dean immediately grabbed [Y/N] and pulled her onto his lap, making her stradle him. He moaned as she leaned into him, feeling a hardness beneath his jeans. She began kissing at his jawline and neck as his hands found their way back up her top, his thumbs pushing up just under the cups of her bra, his fingers spread around her sides. Dean had large hands, and they made her feel small in his grasp.

"Fuck, that feels good", he groaned as she kissed just below his ear, his skin hot on her lips. "Can I take this off?" He asked, sliding his hands back down and tugging at the hem of her top. She leaned back slightly and nodded, and he grinned as he pulled it up and over her head, tossing it over the bench into the front of the car. "And this?" He asked, his hand running along the shoulder strap of her bra. She nodded again, this time a bit shyly, as he reached around to undo the clasp. Her bra fell away from her chest and he helped her slide the the staps down her arms. "Better than I imagined", he chuckled as he grabbed a breast in each hand, his thumbs flicking over both nipples.

"Imagined?" She asked, her fingers now toying with the hem of his t-shirt.

"Every day", he mumbled, completely distracted by the sight in front of him. "So many quick glances, not enough time to properly look", he said as his hand ran down her side, making her shiver, "and feel", he added.

She started to pull his shirt up and he complained when he had to take his hands off her to get it off, but as soon as it was on the floor, his lips were on hers in an instant. His tongue pushed into her mouth and he breathed heavily through his nose as she trailed her fingers over his stomach and up across his chest to his shoulders. She was taking her time with really feeling just how solid he was, how much muscle had had, how strong he felt under her. Her hands finally found their way back down to his belt, and she quickly unbuckled it. Getting the idea, Dean turned to his side and lay her down on the seat, leaning back to kick off his shoes and push his jeans off. She stared at him and the bulge in his boxers, the little wet patch from his arousal making itself apparent.

She reached down to unbutton her own jeans when his hands landed on hers. "Let me", his tone sounded almost like a plea as he waited for her to say yes, but she was lost in his appearance. Dean Winchester, stripped down to his boxers, a lights sweat on his body, his cheeks flushed, his lips slightly swollen, all because of her. Dean Winchester was looking at her like he'd never seen anything he wanted more. "Hey", he said, leaning over to cup her cheek. "Are you okay? Is this... this is still okay, right?" He asked, and she blinked, swallowing back her amazement and nodding.

"Yes", she said. "God yes, this is okay. I just got lost there for a second... do you even realise how sexy you are? Fuck Dean, look at you". He blushed and looked away from her, concentrating on her jeans again. Once they were undone, he pulled them down her legs, pulling her shoes off as he did so. Once she was left in just her panties, he leaned down to kiss her thighs, but looked up to her to catch her eyes as he did. He started to kiss higher up her legs, skipping over her underwear and kissing just below her belly button. She ran her fingers through his hair as she looked down at him, nervous but excited to watch him explore her body with his mouth.

He pecked her once more before hooking his finger into her panties and pulling them to the side, completely exposing her to him. He groaned as he leaned down, closing his eyes and licking up through her wetness. When he started to circle his tongue around her clit, she immediately clamped her thighs around his head, and gripped his hair tighter in her hand, surprised by how intense the pleasure was. "Fuck... sorry", she breathed out, relaxing her hold on him.

He chuckled and shook his head. "Do whatever you need, I'm into it", he kissed the inside of her thigh before focusing his attention back on her clit, now watching her reaction as he stroked a finger over her entrance. When she bucked her hips towards him, her inserted his finger, smiling to himself as she moaned. He continued to lick and such as he pushed another finger in, pumping in and out.

"Dean, stop, I'm close and I want us to cum together", she said through gritted teeth. He pulled away from her and raised his eyebrows.

"You sure? I can give you more than one".

"No", she shook her head, trying to calm herself. "The first one, I want it to be together".

He smiled at her as he nodded. She was completely lost in the moment, nothing else mattered other than the fact that Dean Winchester wanted to have sex with her in the back of his car, and it was about to happen. She watched with wide eyes as he pushed his boxers down, his cock fully erect, a bead of precum sitting on top. She licked her lips, she hoped they'd find themselves in a similar situation in the future where she could focus all of her attention on that, but right now she wanted him inside her. Dean grabbed the little box of condoms and pulled one out, splitting the wrapper open and pulling the rubber out. She fumbled with getting her panties off as she watched him expertly roll it onto himself.

"You ready?" He asked as he crawled on top of her, and she smiled up at him.

"Yes, I want to feel you", she said as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He positioned himself between her legs and slowly pushed in, holding his breath until he was as far as he could get. He let out a slightly shaky breath as he maneuvered slightly, caging her in between his arms.

"You feel so good", he whispered, leaning down to kiss her lips. He drew out of her slowly, just leaving the head inside, before thrusting back in. Her hands found their way to his shoulders, gripping him tight as he set a steady pace. He kissed her lips, cheeks, jaw, and neck as he continued, and she wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him closer. Their breathing got heavier the closer they got, and the kisses got sloppy as they both moaned and groaned and gasped at every spike in pleasure.

When Dean felt her tighten around him, it pushed him over the edge, and just like she wanted, they came together. After a moment of catching their breaths, Dean kissed [Y/N]'s lips and pulled out. He discarded the condom and then grabbed [Y/N]'s waist, spinning them so he was lying down on his back with her on top of him. She snuggled into his chest and wrapped her arms around him, and he kissed her hairline and started to stroke up and down her back. "I never thought that would happen", she said quietly, and Dean sighed in content.

"I'm glad it did", he said. "And I hope it will happen again?"

She lifted her head to look at him, and leaned in for a quick kiss. "It's definitely happening again". They both grinned at each other before they went back to cuddling. They knew there would be no more stolen glances, they could just take as many as they liked.

The end

Dean Winchester taglist: @123passwort @janineb86 @k-slla @lyarr24 @candy-coated-misery0731 @jackles010378 @hobby27 @pizzagirlxnsfwx @itburnslikehelltobevega @queenie32 @livingdead-reilly @vmaier12 @littlemadamred @darthysfanfic @dramatic-long-coats @kr804573 @cutiesarah

[transfemmesam]

supernatural fic rec list

(mostly for me to keep all my favorites together. all on ao3) (be nice, i’ve never made one of these and the format is new to me)

Try asking by @applecrumbledore

Wincest, 7k words, rated T. Outside POV.

“Jerry says he saw them going at it in the back of that car of theirs outside Atlanta last year, I swear to God.” “Listen, man, I don’t like them either, but that’s a low blow. Jerry’s a fucking pervert.”

The sound of dead leaves by clavicular and unhappy_ghost

John/Sam + wincest, 6k words, rated M. Sam POV.

John looks at Sam in a way no father should. Sam aches when Dean smiles. The shadows that loom over Sam Winchester are not just those of the monsters lurking in the night.

Echoes of Hell by The_Nightbreaker

Gen, 35k words, rated M. Sam POV.

It wasn't real. He wasn't in Hell anymore. That's what he tried to tell himself over and over. But two centuries of torture don't disappear in a day. Sam struggles with visions of Hell, fighting to maintain his grip on reality. Dean hates that he can't protect his brother from what isn't real—but curse him if he doesn't try. When the boys stumble on a case with ties to the Devil himself, will they be able to pull themselves together in time to stop the sacrifices? Or will the echoes of Hell finally overtake them? Aka, season 7, but the plot is Hell trauma, not leviathans.

Evening Shadows by withthekeyisking

Gen, 2k words, rated T. Outside POV.

Sam is hallucinating the monster who tortured him for nearly two centuries, Dean feels like he's failing his brother, and a diner waitress bears witness.

Lesser Evils by Dyed_Red

Wincest, 9k words, rated E. Dean POV.

“So you’re just gonna, what – torture us for an hour while your guys hightail it to Buffalo? That’s your master plan here?”  “Oh I can do a lot in an hour or two, Sammy. Like having your surrogate daddy here carve Dean a new face. Like backsliding you off your pretty bandwagon. Like��Seeing how far big brother will go for his sweet baby Sam.”

Prophecy of an Abomination by ashitanoyuki

Gen, 88k words, rated M. Sam POV.

Sam wants to be normal. Sometimes, it's harder than he'd like to keep faith in God. Or: a story of religious!Sam plus powers!Sam culminating in horrifying Sam whump (with eventual comfort to go with the hurt). A character study of the first two seasons that sharply diverges in season two.

he’ll follow me down every street, no matter what my crime by according2thelore

Wincest + Meg/Dean, 17k words, rated M. Dean POV.

“What do you want, Sam?” Sam stands up, so Dean is forced to look up into his face. Sam turns them slowly, so the small of Dean’s back bumps into the polished wood of the counter. “I want…” Sam says, eyes flicking down to Dean’s lips and Dean knows when something is too good to be true, knows that this can’t possibly be real, knows— “Christo.” Dean rasps, just before Sam’s lips land on his, eyes open wide. Sam’s eyes flash black. “Whoops,” Sam says casually. A thread of tension stretches between them, almost interminable, and then they both move at once. The demon in Sam’s body slams Dean back, and Dean crashes against the bar. ~~~ A rework of S2E14 "Born Under a Bad Sign" with Meg!Sam and Dean instead of Jo for WincestWednesday on tumblr's July Event, prompt "Favorite Episode" (with a cameo from the second prompt "Blood")

You’d Have Loved Her (But You Won’t) by punkrock101

Gen, 5k words, rated G. Sam POV. (compiler’s note: this is my personal favorite fic of all time)

Sam never got to tell him. Sam never got to tell anybody.

Flowers in the Impala by Evendar

Wincest, 2k words, rated M. Outside POV.

Kate wants them to be a family - really, she does - but there's something wrong with John's boys.

—-—-—

that’s long enough for now, i think. feel free to reblog with your favorite fics as well

[blue-chimera]

I'm doing a rewatch & we've just hit Season 7. Meanwhile, one of my favorite fanfic authors is on S7 of her ficlet series! And S7 is really not my favorite, but I gotta talk about Dean here... and what the heck the writers were doing.

[See also: Re: Dean Killing Amy (and lying about it)]

The first time I watched it, S7 felt kind of incoherent. Characters kept harping on about Dean's mental health/state of mind, but (unlike when he came back from Hell) I wasn't really sure why he was falling apart — and I didn't really "see" it, either. SPN's episodic structure can make it hard to keep track of the emotional through-lines of its protagonists, and the writers didn't always dedicate enough time to reinforcing our intended takeaways. It wasn't until I rewatched S7 that I felt like I was beginning to put together all the pieces. When I did, here's what I saw.

S6: A New Dean

First, we have to go back to S6:E1, where we meet a new Dean. He's a year into healing from the loss of his brother and, while he says he never gave up on saving Sam, it's clear from the montage (which doesn't show a drop of his search for answers, despite echoes of Sam continuing to weave themselves through everything he does) that, months down the line, the edge has worn off his grief. He might still be looking, but he's not utterly consumed by it. Not anymore.

He's got good days & bad days, and getting up in the morning & facing the world is still work, but for the most part, Dean is settled into a fair approximation of a decent suburban family life. He's not waking up & immediately reaching for a beer. He's not carrying around a flask. His nightstand isn't littered with empties, and he's definitely not gulping straight from a bottle of Jack. (Which is to say: We've seen what it looks like Dean's mental state gets really bad... and this isn't that.)

Maybe he still sometimes has a few too many before bed — we can probably extrapolate that from Lisa's truth-cursed questioning of him drinking "half a fifth a night" to keep dark thoughts at bay (of course, it's possible that that was a more accurate description of when he first came to live with her: Veritas made people speak the truth, but not the whole truth, after all) — but for the most part, he seems to keep it to one or two after work, a beer while he's grilling, a nightcap before turning in. He doesn't get sloppy around Ben. He doesn't drink on the job. He's... y'know, managing.

He's also not out there flirting & womanizing like the old Dean did. He's got steady work. He's faithful to his woman. He's basically turned into a responsible adult.

Dean reacting with a mixture of amusement & consternation to a waitress's flirtation.

Some part of what we see may be a role he's playing: Dean is naturally adaptive to his environment (as we saw in "Folsom Prison Blues," "Hollywood Babylon," and even "99 Problems"), and the suburban family life could be just one more scene. But a good chunk of it seems to be finally just having a little peace & quiet — and a little time & space — to grow up, to heal, to settle down.

Things Get Hard

Dean continues to stay on the straight-and-narrow even as he gets increasingly suspicious of & jumpy around his newly-returned brother. It's not until S6:E6 "You Can't Handle the Truth" (following Sam throwing him to the vamps & Dean's subsequent disastrous missteps with Lisa/Ben) that certain bad habits start creeping back in.

We see Dean call Bobby about Sam, saying, "I don't know how much longer I can do this" and "my skin crawls just being in the same room with him," and Bobby reluctantly telling him that the search for a supernatural explanation for Sam's behavior is turning up nothing. That this might not be anything that can be cured: it's possible this is just who Sam is now. And Dean is suddenly staring down the barrel of a future that might not contain a family as he's known it in either Sam or Lisa & Ben.

This is the first time we see Dean drinking again to cope with stress: he grabs a beer while venting to/pleading with Bobby, hangs up, takes a long swig, and steels himself to call Lisa (presumably to try to apologize)... and then loses his nerve & hangs up again.

Afterwards, Sam connects with him about the case & Dean ends up pursuing a red herring for a bit. When Cas appears but can't help him with Sam (but confirms he's not Lucifer, forcing Dean closer & closer to the unpleasant conclusion that this is just Sam now), Dean's drinking escalates to whiskey.

After Cas disappears, Dean hits up a bar, but we can tell he's not accustomed to just chugging shot after shot anymore: when the bartender asks if he'd like another, his knee-jerk response is to turn her down ("No thanks, I'm working") before Sam's call — & dread at the prospect of spending more time with him — sends him back for one last drink...

Then Lisa phones him and, under Veritas's compulsion, spills some harsh truths and ends their conversation on a note that suggests she's breaking up with him. She later calls back — 6 times! — trying to reconcile, but Dean can't bring himself to answer or return her calls. Perhaps this is in part because, over the course of the last few episodes, he's become more & more convinced of exactly the point Lisa was driving at: that he can't spend all his time swimming in violence (and repressing the associated trauma as he tries to survive it) & expect to just set that aside somehow at the end of the day and be a good dad.

DEAN: It's the gig. You're covered in blood until you're covered in your own blood. Half the time you're about to die — like right now. I told myself I wanted out. That I wanted a family.

VERITAS: But you were lying?

DEAN: No...

Shortly thereafter, Sam admits (at knifepoint) that he deliberately let Dean get turned into a vamp, triggering the chain of events that ended with Dean almost killing Lisa and Ben, and we get an absolutely brutal scene of Dean punching Sam into unconsciousness in response — further reinforcing the theme of violence begetting violence, both in that violent responses are provoked by violent actions and in that it becomes a habitual response to negative emotional arousal (anger, fear), à la "You are what you repeatedly do," that can turn on undeserving parties if not kept tightly in check. (For example, a brother who has wronged you but acknowledged it & is begging you for help.)

Ultimately, that's what Dean fears the most: bringing that darkness home with him.

Cas examines Sam & reveals that he's soulless. Following this — possibly discomfited by how hard he'd fallen off the wagon in S6:E6, which featured levels of both drinking & domestic violence that we hadn't seen from him in a very long time — Dean stays away from the hard stuff for a while. Episodes 7, 8, 9, 10, & 11 pass, and the only liquor we see him consume is a glass immediately following his unnerving "close encounter" with fairies. Then Sam gets his soul back & falls into a coma, and Cas tells Dean not to expect his brother to wake up.

But Sam does wake up, and Dean's ecstatic to have his brother back. He reins in his whiskey drinking again, and it seems like he's largely regained his equilibrium. Even the bittersweet (unintentional) reunion-just-to-say-goodbye to Lisa & Ben in S6:E14 (depressing though it was) isn't enough to send him into a spiral. He's grieving the loss of one family & one future, but in Sam (and Cas & Bobby), he still has another. And that's enough to get him through it.

Until the events of S6:E20, "The Man Who Would Be King." And S6:E21, "Let It Bleed." And S6:E22, "The Man Who Knew Too Much." And S7:1 & S7:2.

[continued here]

[unnuevosoltransformalarealidad]

Hold Me

Pic from Pinterest | Dividers from @firefly-graphics

Summary: You just need to be held for a little. Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader Squares: Roommates!AU for @spnaubingo // Hurt/Comfort for @supernatural-jackles' Tell Me A Story Bingo // Sat on their lap for @spnfluffbingo // Warnings: Alternative Universe, bad day, crying, fluff, comfort fic Word Count: 600

^

Waking up two hours before the alarm went off meant just one thing, your day was going to be very long and very bad.  Well, it actually went worse than what you had expected.  The only thing you wanted was to get home and curl up in a ball and hide from the outside world.

Sometime later, your phone started to ring, Dean, your roommate, and best friend, was calling you; when you started to live together, you came up with an agreement of texting each other when you were home safely and the other wasn't around. Even though you knew you should've texted him, today was different, you couldn't answer his call, you knew you were going to break down and you didn't want that to happen.

You opened your conversation with Dean and texted "I'm sorry, I can't," hoping he wouldn't insist on the phone call. Luckily for you, he didn't call again but he texted you back, "what is it, sweetheart? Talk to me," it was Dean, you knew this was going to happen.

A few tears slipped down your face while you tried to figure out how to tell him what you needed.

“I’m sorry” you texted again, your vision all blurry because of the tears, “baby, don’t close to me. We will figure this out,” he texted right away. You locked up your phone and let your tears fall, “I just want to be held for a little” you finally said sobbing.

You were so lost in your negative thoughts that you never heard Dean entering the apartment and slipping into the couch with you.

“Shh, it’s okay, sweetheart” he whispered and you finally broke down. Everything has been too much and you couldn’t handle it anymore. Dean moved you to his lap, “Come on, let’s get more comfortable,” Dean said carrying you towards the bedrooms.

At some point, you must’ve cried yourself to sleep, because when you opened your eyes and realized your surroundings, you felt warm, loved, and safe.

You knew Dean was still holding you, the way he engulfed his arms to hold you were unique. The way he hugged you was special, just what you needed. The tears started to fall again, you were overwhelmed, Dean could’ve been anywhere in town at this time, but still, he was here with you, holding you, making you feel safe. “Let it all out, sweetheart. I’m not going anywhere” he whispered tightening his embrace.

It felt like ages has went by while Dean held you, you weren’t sure how long have you been in Dean’s arms, but you were content, you didn't want it to finish.

“How?” you broke the silence, Dean chuckled, “you told me, sweetheart”. You moved aside a bit to look at his face, your expression showed confusion.

“You accidentally called me and when I picked up the call you said you wanted to be held. I dropped everything and came to you,” he explained.

You sighed, your day had been the worst and longest but Dean was with you, making sure you were fine. You closed your eyes to thank the universe for making you cross paths with him when you felt him kissing your forehead. “I know it can be hard, but sometimes you need to ask. I would never say no to you.” Your eyes brimmed with tears again, you were very emotional, and the slightest hint of love melted your heart. 

“What did I do to deserve you? you asked and he chuckled, “Sometimes I ask myself the same thing” he answered, and kissed your forehead again.

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[saveme-storybrooke-potc]

Hophie Headcanons

Starting With the Events AFTER One True King

now ik that in book 6 Sophie felt that being Dean of evil was unimportant to her, but I'd like to think that now that she's dating Hort and she's accepting his love for her that the two took a 6-month 'honeymoon' (not really one Sophie just wanted to do something with Hort for them to bond as lovers) before one day they burst into the school demanding for their jobs back.

Also on their vacation Sophie helped Hort cope and heal with the fact that he is no longer part man-wolf and they started doing workout routines together (Something Hort wanted to do so he could be strong and protect Sophie) and beauty routines (something Sophie wanted to do because she wants them looking young and evil forever)

Also Hort helped Sophie because she had a lot of nightmares about his 'death'

And because they have their old jobs back they're menaces to the students (I love Hort's snarky comments he always made throughout the series and I NEED that)

They have matching pajamas

Sophie got Hort frog pj's for his 17th birthday (he almost cried)

Sophie always asks for Hort's opinion on her outfits for each day

They always eat meals together, even if one is working late the other will bring the lunch/dinner to their office and they'll eat and talk for hours

Usually if they get into fights Hort is the first to apologize (even if it wasn't his fault) but sometimes Sophie will apologize and make him a cake

Hort writes bad poetry but Sophie secretly loves it

A lot of Hort's students flirt with Hort even though they know he's with Sophie and she gets jealous of it (this starts one of the fights that Sophie apologizes first)

Hort started to open up more to Sophie about his family and she sometimes talks about hers too

every year when they do Secret Santa's with their friends (Hester, Anadil, William, Bogden, Tedros, Agatha, Beatrix, Kiko) they always cheat to make sure that they get each other for Secret Santa's and always act surprised when they give each other the gifts (their friends are always suspicious of them)

Hort writes Sophie bad poetry that she pretends to hate but secretly loves

They go to balls as often as they could

Hort always makes Sophie her favourite breakfast in the mornings and she always makes his lunch, even if she does burn it sometimes, he still eats it

When Tagatha had children they were made the godparents

that also got Hort and Sophie thinking about kids

they send each other letters each class to tell the other how much they miss each other (their students are either disgusted or find it cute)

Sophie is a terrible singer, and Hort knows it, but he still loves hearing her sing

Hort will leave Sophie flowers in her office every morning and it will always be her favourite (roses)

Sophie secretly loves Hort's little comic of them as Bort and Lophie

Sophie calls Hort: her weasel, froggy, her prince, the beast, Horty, Hort, darling, sweetie

and if anyone tries to call him any of them (besides Hort) she'll curse them

Hort calls Sophie: my queen, Soph, my love, and Sophie

While Hort grades papers and Sophie's with him she'll doodle random things on his hand

Hort doesn't like parties, so whenever it's his birthday Sophie makes him his favourite breakfast and they celebrate it together alone

But for Sophie's birthday he always makes sure to get her a big birthday party, But Sophie always tells him that she'd be happy with something small with him

Sophie taught Hort how to french kiss

Some people still pick on Hort (especially the other teachers) and Sophie will always stand up for him

a lot of the teachers HATE Sophie's changes to the Evil school (which she had to redo after they took down her ideas but now they're a little less Sophie) and try to argue with her about it but Hort stands up for her and is always supportive of the ideas

Sometimes they'll cuddle for hours and not say anything and that's all they need

Hort proposed to Sophie when they turned 18 (it wasn't easy either there was so many interruptions)

[oldsargasso]

That is absolutely when Kim realized how gentle Kenta is! That he hates seeing people be hurt. I wouldn’t be surprised if they had a similar “I told you to run” conversation like Kenta did with Jeff, to which Kim probably laughed. (I also still fervently believe it was Kenta who dropped Kim off with Jeff) (grumpy patient Kim would get at my heart so quickly good god)

Oh no nonononono you are putting thought into my head about clueless hottie Kenta. I am going to get back to you on that later.

VERY occasionally Winner is not the worst LOL. (Kenta knows how to endure, more than anything—I’M HURTING THANKS) And yes I agree, it’s not Winner’s thing, it’s just something he’s doing for his boyfriends (very occasionally not the worst)

Oh god Dean really is that desperate for acknowledgment isn’t he AHDJFJSJ. It may have been why he stayed in the background for so long—he probably was more than eager to do any odd little jobs to help out the team, thinking it would get him somewhere because he always got little pats on the head so he must be doing something right, no? If you do write more fic for them I’ll be on my KNEES

The first time Winner says something genuinely appreciative to Dean, Dean lights up so brightly that it kickstarts Winner’s entire character development arc.

ME TOO, YOU GET ME, I want all the details 😭 how much do they get as prize money, how is it split amongst the team, how much does gas cost etc etc. 

(took me forever to reply to this because I keep reading your other ask oh my godddd)

exactly!! like Kenta is violent when necessary, but he doesn't revel in causing pain (unlike SOME PEOPLE*). I can never be convinced otherwise it wasn't Kenta who handed Kim to Jeff (I actually wrote it in one of my wips:

There’s no order beyond release him, then but there wasn’t an order not to call Jeff, so Kenta does. Mr Tony didn’t tell him to come back quickly, either, so once Kenta’s undone the ropes around Kim’s wrists and ankles, he waits with him. “Do you need anything?” Kenta asks and doesn’t flinch when Kim turns an incredulous look on him. “No, thank you.” Even beaten up, bruised and ill-treated, Kim remains polite. It makes Kenta’s fingers twitch. What would it take for Kim to snap?

(*I keep thinking about like. guilt and penance re: Dean's actions v. Kenta's v. Winner's. I think Kenta is easiest absolved by Kim, and everyone else, because while he did choose to stay and perform Tony's orders, in Kenta's eyes there was never really a choice. whereas the other two consciously choose to do bad things. but the other layer is that Winner was actively brutal towards Kim, whereas Dean was against Babe. idk I just think there's a lot to explore there in terms of how they all move past it but it's probably a bit heavy for the fun polycule chat lol)

see!! Winner can be selfless sometimes you know. he's just going along with things for his boyfriends' sakes. he gets NOTHING out of watching the way Kenta easily (gratefully) sinks into subspace, or how Kim sounds confident and assured and his hands move the same way, or how Dean shivers and bites his lip every time Kim points out how well he's done at certain placements of rope. Winner just reclines next to them and watches and doesn't do anythinggg, he's practically a saint by these measures.

he IS he's soooo pathetic about it. god I cannot handle the idea of Alan and co. unconsciously/unintentionally fulfilling the absolute bare minimum of Dean's praise kink, and probably Dean didn't even realise because like? Alan's whole thing is family and that's what you do for family, you help each other out and you try to make things easier for the people you love, and if it felt like Dean was always the one doing all that...it's not like the others were unappreciative, it's just that they didn't reciprocate because to them it was just Dean doing what he wanted to do! he loves all those little jobs, look how happy he is when he finishes something. I honestly can't think too much about Dean and Alan's mismatch of the family ideal or I will. explode.

The first time Winner says something genuinely appreciative to Dean, Dean lights up so brightly that it kickstarts Winner’s entire character development arc. screaming!!! that is EXACTLY it. honestly we NEED to discuss how the polycule forms in the first place. (but I need to know everyone survives the final ep first 😭 the only one I'm 100% confident will survive is Dean because he won't be there 😭)

(re winnerdean fic... I have the opening scene mostly written and the final line! just gotta...write the rest...)

RIGHT like Babe's rich as hell just from racing. Way has a car dealership as a ...side hustle? does Winner have family money for all those jackets or is that what he spends all his winnings on. WAIT HE NEVER WINS. also I think there should be more exploration of the fact that everyone seems to go to the same gym.

[gayangelcrimes]

Mary always had this strange obsession with salt. When they finally got their own house the first thing she did was dig a little trench around the house's exterior contour that she filled with rock salt. When John gave her a strange look, she shrugged and said something about keeping weeds from growing too close to the house's foundation, their roots could damage the plumbing and stuff. John didn't question her further. She redid it every few weeks or months. She didn't tend to the rest of the garden, barely even cared about the grass getting taller than their knees if John couldn't bother to mow it, but the salt was like a sacred little ritual to her. Sometimes John caught her lining up the windows or the fireplace with salt. She said it was against bad luck. She said it was so the house didn't get too humid during summer. She said it was so things didn't freeze over winter. She said it was a family tradition. She said anything, she knew John didn't really care about the answer. He was already sure in the back of his mind that Mary wasn't entirely sane.

John thought she was strange for collecting knives. Every time they visited a thrift shop or antique store she'd go straight to the knives, looking for anything that caught her attention, building a little collection of knives that she kept tucked in the back of her side of their closet. It was a hobby, she said. It reminded her of her family. Her dad collected knives too. They didn't always see eye to eye, but she always loved her dad's knife collection, she told John. The curves of the blades, the inscriptions carved into some of them, the materials, the way different handles fit into her hand. She was building herself a collection she could love too, hidden in a small corner of their bedroom.

When the demon came to collect his prize he had a hard time to enter the house. The salt couldn't stop him forever, it wasn't supposed to. It was an alarm. Mary could almost feel in her bones when the salt line was breached. The sense of wrongness. The TV downstairs turning into static. Footsteps carrying John's body with a weight and pace that was not John's. She ran to the closet. She knew exactly what she was looking for.

She didn't want it to end like this, but in the back of her mind she always felt this was how they would end. Her knife in John's chest, his car on the road, their kids in the backseat. Running for her life from a murder she could only take half the blame for.

The demon did something to Sam, she could see drops of blood in his face when she grabbed him from his crib. So small in her hands, yet she knows he's something bigger than she could ever imagine. She cleaned his face, shook Dean awake and told him to hold Sammy while she packed their stuff. Their clothes, her knife collection, the family pictures, all the salt bags in the pantry. John's old gun, just in case. The car keys and some snacks for the road.

Dean kept asking about his daddy, why wasn't he here, wasn't he going with them? She couldn't tell the truth, he couldn't understand. So she said daddy is feeling bad and doesn't want to see anyone for a while, he asked mommy to take Dean and Sammy on a trip for a while. How long? Who knows, he'll call when he's feeling good again. For now, we'll go far away, we'll have a road trip and visit lots of fun places and see lots of cool stuff, how does that sound? Dean likes the sound of that.

She goes back to being Mary Campbell. If anyone asks what happened to her husband she'll just say she left him because he was an abusive piece of shit. God knows it's not entirely a lie. She visits her family, tells them what happened. She leaves out the blood. They praise her on the salt and the knives. They welcome her back to the family, if she wants to come back. Right now she just wants to get the hell away from Kansas, actually.

She goes back and salts and burns down the house just in case.

[cas-coding]

he must have eaten something bad, pain blooming in his stomach, soft enough to ignore, but large enough to make him grit his teeth. dean's eggs were sometimes a little on the raw side, but jack didn't mind, he sometimes liked the watery feel, even if sam said it was bad for him now that his grace had faded.

it was fine, he would be fine. jack just wasn't used to pain, that's all, that must be it. his dads had told him it might be a rough transition, cas especially, having done it a couple times. pain was always worse when you had never felt it before.

nausea bubbles up in jack's stomach, making his surroundings spin a bit before he gets the general message that he should get to a toilet or something a little easier to clean vomit off of than the cold cement that was the kitchen floor. he barely makes it to the toilet in time, kneeling on the cold tile, feeling like a knife had carved sigils into his abdomen. this couldn't be normal, could it?

it's another minute before jack wipes his mouth and flushes the toilet, his nausea having worn off for now as he unbuttons his jeans to take pressure off of his stomach. why did it hurt so bad? what was wrong with him? his hands are shaking, massaging his stomach as if that will do something, calling out for help in a wrecked voice that cracks every other word.

he hears footsteps in response and then he's stumbling to stand up, his eyes catching on red. red blood smeared on the tile where he was just sitting, panic flashing through his entire being. he rushes to check his jeans, see where his injury is, pulling them off and finding them bloodstained, his boxers ruined underneath them, and then he's screaming, shouting for help, footsteps growing more frantic.

sam makes it to him first, taking one look at jack's sobbing figure before wrapping him in his arms and pressing jack's face to his chest. "what happened?" sam asks, his voice shaking from the adrenaline, "where does it hurt?"

"my stomach," jack cries, "and i'm bleeding and i threw up and my stomach hurts so bad, please,"

sam nods frantically and pulls back, holding his hand out. "tell me where it hurts, okay?" he places his hand over jack's stomach, right below his ribs, but jack shakes his head.

"lower," he mumbles, "it hurts in my belly."

sam just nods and lowers his hand over jack's belly button, but jack shakes his head, and sam moves his hand lower, cradling the spot just above jack's waistband. jack nods harshly and sam's eyes flick downward for just a second before he sighs and wraps jack in another hug.

"you're gonna be alright, jack, i promise," sam says, "this is, well, it's normal. plenty normal. it hurts but we'll all help, we'll figure something out. you'll be alright in a week." sam reaches for his phone, dialing dean before he pulls back from the hug and stands up, walking just outside the bathroom.

jack only catches every other word being muttered, something about blood and cramps and i thought his grace would stop it? before groaning and snapping at dean, "just get pain meds and pads, will you?"

when sam bends back down to help jack, he's calmer, more collected, but how could he be when jack was in pain, bleeding out?

"sam, it hurts," jack groans, "make it stop, please make it stop."

sam pauses at that, his eyes fixed on jack before looking away. he picks up jack's bloody jeans and throws them into the bathroom sink before he speaks again, still not looking at jack. "dean's getting supplies now. i'm sorry, jack, i'm really sorry this is happening, but we'll explain later, i promise you're gonna be alright. you just have to trust me," he says, but how can jack trust him if he won't tell him what's going on?

it takes a couple minutes for sam to coax jack off the bathroom floor and into a warm bath, looking away as jack climbs into the bath and sighs in relief. he lets jack rest, attempting to scrub the bloodstains out of jack's jeans and boxers, but abandoning it after a few minutes.

there's a knock on the door and dean cranes his head in, waving to jack gingerly before whispering something unintelligible to sam. he sets a box down on the counter, big purple letters spelling out maxi-pads, count 24, and then sam is leaving the room, taking jack's ruined clothes with him.

"hey, jack," dean says, an olive branch, "how're you doing?"

he can't speak, he's exhausted, he doesn't know what's going on, and so he sighs, trying to convey everything bubbling up inside of him with just one sound.

dean laughs. "sounds about right. so, uh, sammy's gonna grab you some new clothes and then we're gonna have a chat. it's gonna be different, somethin' we didn't think we'd have to talk about for a while with you, but hey, life is a bit unexpected," dean chuckles uncomfortably, looking anywhere but at jack. he rubs the back of his neck and sighs, "y'know, i know what you're going through, bud. i've had 'em before, hurts like a bitch, and i'm real sorry it's happening to you. cas said," dean pauses, "well, cas has said a lotta stuff about you."

jack swallows thickly, turning his head to look at dean. the water in the bathtub moves around him, little waves crashing against his neck, barely above the warm water. "he told you?" jack asks, tears welling in his eyes. he's so tired, he just wants to go to sleep, never wake up, he's exhausted,

"no," dean admits, "but i kinda figured about fifteen minutes ago when sammy called me outta the blue sayin' we needed pads. haven't bought those since 2007," he laughs, but it's not funny.

"what are those?"

dean's silent.

"what have they got to do with you and me?" jack rephrases, and dean exhales heavily.

"you want me to explain it? it's gonna be uncomfortable, i'm guessin', you sure you don't want sam or cas to explain it to you?" there's a hurt in dean's eyes for a second, but jack nods and it dissipates, newfound commitment showing instead. "well, if it's gonna be me, i should explain something.

"i ripped up my birth certificate when i was thirteen. y'know, the piece of paper that says your legal name and that you exist and if you're a boy or a girl. well, the one i ripped up said my name was deanna. said i was a girl."

jack furrows his eyebrows. "but that's wrong. your name is dean. sam calls you dean, so does cas. and, and you're a boy, you're sam's brother," jack says, and dean laughs.

"yeah, they do call me dean, and i am sam's brother," he says, "you're right about that. but there's this thing, transgender, which basically means that i was born with girly bits but i'm a boy 'cause i say so. and i was workin' on bein' a real boy, pumping myself full of testosterone when i died and cas rebuilt me. gave me boy parts an' all."

"girly bits?" jack repeats, clearly confused, "boy parts?"

"well," dean says, looking away, "there's your mom. she's a girl. and there's eileen, also a girl. they've got, y'know," dean gestures to his chest, "boobs, tits, breasts, whatever you wanna call 'em. point is, they've also got, ah," dean stutters, "vaginas. things that make babies. that's how your mom made you.

"then there's boys like sam. they get real tall and have big muscles and jawlines and shit," he continues, "they don't usually have vaginas. they have dicks, er, penises, i mean. they can't have babies, they just kinda," dean stutters, "they have the instructions for making babies. they help girls make them."

"oh," jack says, "i don't get it. you're a boy, so how did they confuse you for a girl?"

sighing, dean rubs his hands up and down his face. "well, like i said, i was born with girly bits. had a girly name and everything. but i didn't feel like a girl, and i told sammy, and he started callin' me dean, sayin' i was his brother. felt right, good, and then i wanted to look like a boy. cas rebuilt my body, did he tell you about that?" dean pauses before shaking his head, continuing, "well, when he did, he gave me boy parts instead of the girl parts i used to have. so when i was born, i was supposed to be a mom, carry babies, and now i have the instructions for makin' 'em, but i was a boy before that, you understand that?"

jack nods. "yeah, i get that. like, if i called sam something not-sam, he'd be confused, 'cause he likes being called sam. you didn't like deanna so calling you that would be mean. you like being called dean and a boy, so people should call you that."

dean smiles and nods, raising his eyebrows. "that's right, kid, and it works that way for everyone. you too," he says. the room falls quiet and dean looks away, mumbling, "you feel better?"

jack nods slightly. "the bath is helping."

dean nods, sighing. "jack, you're having a period."

"what?"

"a period," dean repeats, "it's a thing that happens once a month. 'cause you don't have a baby in you, your vagina starts bleeding, like it's mad you don't have a baby, i guess. for most people, it hurts pretty bad, and there's a lotta blood, and you usually bleed for about a week before it goes away."

jack furrows his eyebrows. "but girls have those, and i'm a boy. i don't have a vagina."

"apparently, you do."

it hits jack like a freight train, tears welling up in his eyes, pain searing through his chest, this time not a pain he understood, not a pain he could explain. it was like it was all wrong, everything was wrong, he was wrong, he can't do it, can't be,

"hey, hey, jack," dean coaxes, "breathe, breathe, you're gonna be fine. i used to get 'em, pain in the ass, and i'm still a boy, right? even if i had 'em, you'd still call me dean, right?"

jack's eyes snap open to look at dean, words spilling out of his mouth. "of course! you're dean, dean, you're dean!"

dean laughs lightly, "see? so if i'm still dean, and i'm still a boy, and i used to have the same equipment you have, then you're still jack, and you're still a boy, so there's nothin' to worry about, is there, bud?"

"well, i don't," jack stutters, "i don't like it, it hurts, and it feels wrong, and,"

"hey, hey," dean interrupts, "we'll figure something out, and yeah, it sucks. but it's gonna be alright in the long run, 'kay?"

jack nods. "okay."

"yeah," dean nods, "i think sammy left some new clothes outside the door, so i'm gonna grab 'em, and then i'm gonna show you how to use a pad. it's a bit trickier in boxers, but it works," he mutters, reaching for jack's new clothes.

jack watches as dean demonstrates for him, sticking the pad in place before folding over the wings and setting jack's boxers down. "dry off, don't worry about getting the towel bloody, 'cause we got plenty, and put those on, and then get dressed like normal. i'll be waitin' in the kitchen with something to help the pain, alright?"

jack nods, and dean shuts the bathroom door softly, letting jack sit with his feelings. dean said they would figure something out, that all of them would figure something out, and that it would only last a week. jack could stomach a week of this, if there was less pain, and then it would go away. it would go away and never ever come back, because they'd figure something out.

that's the only thing motivating him to dry off, dress up, and wander out to the kitchen, pain in his belly starting again, curling up inside of him.

cas is there, not dean, and he's got little pink pills sitting in front of him, a glass of water to his left. jack sits down, looking at the pills, refusing to take his eyes off of them. he thought they had magic to help, not just some stupid medication.

"why didn't you tell me?" jack asks, not really to anyone, but cas answers, filling the space in the air.

"i saw you as a baby, heard kelly name you jacqueline, and i didn't think much of it. but then you were big, looked like you were a seventeen year old boy, and i assumed you changed everything to look like a boy. you liked the name jack and we stuck with it. you liked looking like me and dean and sam, you liked being a boy, and i didn't tell anyone. i didn't tell sam or dean because i didn't want them looking at you or treating you differently."

"but you knew dean used to have girl parts." it's a statement, not a question.

"yes," cas says, "and i could have told him. but i wasn't sure you had 'girl parts' anymore, and you were so happy being a normal boy, and we had so many other things going on," he rambles, pausing, "forgive me. i shouldn't have let this fall on you like this. i can't imagine how you feel."

jack sighs, reaching for the pills. "i feel bad. it hurts and then it's worse than just hurt because it feels wrong, like my body isn't supposed to do this, like i'm not a real boy."

"jack," castiel says, voice stern, "you are a boy, and no one can take that away from you. you are my son, and i love you, and i am so, so sorry. please do not ever doubt that you are what you feel you are."

jack doesn't know what to say to that, and so he simply wraps castiel in a hug, sure that whatever happens, his dads will be by his side.

[fandomimaginesftw]

Jealousy

@hobby27

Oh my god. I need dean x reader.  Dean loves her bad and is just stupid around her and he find out Sam likes her too so Dean gets very jealous

A/N: I really wanna do a part two, if you would like one as well, let me know!

Word Count: 886

SPN Tags: @carryonmyswansong @mogaruke

It had been a string of bad luck lately for Dean. He was completely out of his element, and there was only one reason for it. Y/N. He didn't know exactly what it was about them, but anytime he was around them, he just failed miserably at whatever it was he was trying to do. He would spill his beer, jam his gun, hit a curb, anything that would make him look stupid, it happened. 

He couldn;t help it. Y/N was so amazing and their presence was almost intimidating for him to be around. They were an amazing hunter, never missing a shot or coming up with the perfect traps. They were also gorgeous, that much was obvious. It felt as if he was in middle school with a crush, his heart would race at the sight of them, he would start sweating at the palms, and sometimes he’d even stutter when he spoke to them.

But tonight was the night he would go for it. He was just gonna walk up to them and lay his best lines on them. Compliment them, make them smile. God that smile, so breathtaking. Y/N was currently at the bar, ordering a few shots for them and the Winchesters. Sam was sitting next to them, throwing banter back and forth between the two. A twinge of jealousy stung inside Dean’s chest, but he chose to ignore it, still determined to go through with this plan. He cleared his throat, straightening out his back to pull his shoulders forward before making his way over to the bar. He leaned against the polished oak, turning his head over to face them. They looked over, locking eyes with him, making his knees almost buckle right there.

“Hey,” he said simply, sending a flirty smile their way. He leaned a bit further onto the bar, and quickly realized his mistake when he lost his footing, sending himself tumbling towards the linoleum beneath their boots. He landed with a thud, almost deciding to stay down on the floor as embarrassment painted his cheeks red. Y/N, instead of laughing, immediately helped him up, looking him over closely to make sure he wasn't hurt. Dean felt his cheeks burn as they were so close, their breath fanning his face. 

“Are you okay, Dean? How much have you had to drink already?” He tried to speak, but all that came out was a blubber of dizzy words. They looked him over one more time, huckleing softly before looking at Sam behind them. “He’s fine. I’ll be right back, guys.” They sent the brothers a small wave before heading to the bathroom, leaving the two brothers to themselves. Sam looked over at his older brother, chuckling to himself before sipping his cold beer, passing two of the three shots across to Dean.

“What’s gotten into you lately? You’ve gotten…I don’t know, super clumsy.” Dean sighed, sitting in the bar, his shoulders leaned forward in shame and embarrassment. He took both shots, shooting them back one after the other. 

“I don’t know, Sammy. I’ve just lost my footing, that’s all.” Sam hummed, sitting in the seat next to Dean. Sam’s brow suddenly furrowed softly as he traced patterns into the condensation of the bottle in front of him. Dean knew that look, something was on his mind. He nudged the younger Winchester, then ordered two more shots and a beer. “What’s going on in that melon of yours?”

“What do you think about Y/N?” The question made Dean’s stomach drop.

“What do you mean? Why do you ask?”

“Well…Honestly, I was thinking about asking them out on a date.” Dean froze, the bartender delivering the two shot glasses he ordered at just the right time. Dean quickly drank them, grimacing as the liquid felt like a punch in the throat. Dean had no idea what to say to his brother. Unearned anger started swirling around in his chest, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. He couldn’t tell hsi brother not to go for it, then he’d look like an asshole. At the same time, he thought, he wouldn’t be able to get his chance if he encouraged Sam to ask the. Y/N and Sam had chemistry, that much Dean couldn’t deny. They were always joking around, they both loved to do research on hunts, and sometimes they ate off of each other’s plates. To be fair, Y/N did always steal some of Dean’s fries if they got some gross vegetable crap like Sam. Sam’s voice calling out to Dean snapped him out of it, and he looked over at his brother, forcing a tight lipped smile.

“Go for it, see what she says.” Dean’s vision squeezed into a tunnel as Y/N came back and Sam started in, striking up a conversation like it was nothing, putting Dean deeper into shame than he already was. Dean cleared his throat, excusing himself as he walked out of the bar, fists clenched. Why was he such a klutz? Why was he such an idiot around them? Now he had lost his chance forever. He sent a fist into the side of the building, knuckles drawing blood as he headed to the Impala, getting in and driving off before he got any angrier.

[z-ppy]

Whumptober Day the First

Skipped prompt #1, reposting this because I wasn't satisfied with the last draft.

Prompt #2: “I’ll call out your name, but you won’t call back.”

Thermometer | Delirium | “They don’t care about you.”

Jack has a fever, and everything Michael said to him is coming back.

___

“Jack… Jack.” 

Jack looks up, startled. Across the kitchen, Sam’s holding up two packages of deli meat. Various condiments, a bag of bread, and a ball of lettuce are spread out on the counter in front of him. 

“Hm?” Jack shifts in his seat at the table. He feels odd, like his skin doesn’t fit over his bones right.

“I asked what you want on your sandwich.” 

“Oh–” 

“Ham ‘n’ cheese, please,” Dean says, coming through the doorway and plopping down at the table next to Jack.

“You can make your own sandwich, Dean.” 

Dean jabs a thumb in Jack’s direction. “So can he.” 

Sam sighs and ignores him. “What kind of meat, Jack?” 

“Um, turkey?” Jack squints at the options. His vision is weird – he can see fine, but his brain isn’t processing the images. 

Sam looks puzzled. “Ham or roast beef is what we’ve got. Dean only bought red meat at the store this time.” He glares at his brother. 

“Oh, uh, I guess…” There’s too much going on. He’s trying to follow Sam and Dean’s casual bickering and understand what Sam wants from him at the same time. He remembers his glass of water, and takes a sip. It’s cool against his hot throat. 

Sam’s waiting, eyebrows traveling further and further up his forehead. 

The water is good. He takes another sip, but chokes this time. The harsh coughs scrape past his throat. Dean thumps him hard on the back. 

“I think I’m… I’m not hungry,” he croaks. Dean, hand still resting between Jack’s shoulder blades, makes eye contact with Sam. Dean mouths something. Sam nods his head in Jack’s direction. Jack’s trying to figure out what’s going on when he feels Dean’s palm against his forehead, then the backs of his fingers on his cheek. 

“Yep, he’s running a temperature.” 

“No, I–” Oh. That would explain why his clothes were scratchy against his skin, and why he’d been feeling strangely chilly all morning. Had he been more lucid, he might have noticed how often he was shedding his sweatshirt only to put it back on minutes later, and how he needed to clear his throat before he spoke. 

Sam sighs, setting the deli meat down. “I’ll go find a thermometer. Make your own sandwich, Dean.” 

Sam heads off to hunt down a thermometer and some ibuprofen, and Dean gets to work on his sandwich, any concern for Jack obviously not getting in the way of his lunch. Jack watches from the table. At some point, his head sinks down onto folded arms and he lets his burning eyes slip closed. 

__

“Jack, hey.” Sam’s hovering close, holding out a thermometer. “You have a fever, so we need to measure it by taking your temperature. Your fever’s why you’re feeling bad right now.” 

“I know what a fever is,” Jack grumps. 

Sam smiles, embarrassed. “Sorry. Just put this under your tongue for me, okay?” He presses the button and hands it over. Jack takes the offered thermometer and tucks it under his tongue, cringing at the way the slick plastic feels in his overheated mouth. All his nerve endings are buzzing, sensitive and prickly. He shudders and squirms. 

“This sucks, I know.” Sam rubs his arm. The soft touch is painful against his aching skin and muscles, and Jack pulls away. Sam looks hurt, but then the thermometer beeps and he takes it back. Dean waits to hear, chewing a huge bite of sandwich. “102.2” Sam announces. “That’s a pretty decent fever.” He frowns down at Jack. “Why didn’t you tell us you weren’t feeling well?”

Jack shrugs. He honestly doesn’t know. Being human is weird and it’s hard to tell the difference between being tired, hungry, nauseous, or just overwhelmed. Sometimes his skin feels this way, prickly and tight and squirmy, when too much is happening and he needs a break. He takes a deep breath and pulls the collar of his sweatshirt over his mouth to cough. It’s deep and barky, and it hurts.

“That doesn’t sound like it feels very good,” Sam says sympathetically. Jack tries hard not to scowl. Sam is trying to be considerate and gentle, but it’s coming off as patronizing. His indignation fades as Sam puts a cool hand on his cheek. “What hurts?” 

Jack clears his throat with a short cough. “My throat, head, and, um, skin?” He looks up, expecting Sam to laugh at him, but he only takes his hand away from his face and nods. 

“I bet.”

___

He didn’t want the weird blue liquid cold medicine, and he tried but couldn’t swallow the pills. Dean got frustrated and took his sandwich to the library, but Sam did his best to reason with him.

“It feels weird,” Jack tried to explain. “The cold medicine tastes like a warm gooey popsicle. It’s wrong.” He could see that Sam didn’t get why he couldn’t just hold his nose and take it like a shot, but when Jack choked twice trying to swallow the pills instead, Sam gave up, and suggested they try again later.

__

Jack really wishes he could have managed the medicine. He’s curled up in bed, shivering. His phone tells him it’s 7:06pm. He can faintly hear Sam and Dean clamoring around in the kitchen, arguing about what to order for dinner.

He should have been able to take the medicine they tried to give him. He shudders, and curls into a tighter ball. His weighted blanket doesn’t touch the deep ache in his bones. They tried to help him. They tried very hard. He felt like he was making things unnecessarily complicated. Dean said so, sometimes, when he got frustrated with him. 

Sam did his best to understand, but he still looked at it like it was developmental– that Jack was only technically a few years old, so of course the sensory stuff could get overwhelming and he needed to approach problems step-by-step. He threw around phrases like “overstimulation” and “demand avoidance” and did his best to be consistent. Even though it pissed Jack off that Sam treated him like a sensitive little kid, it was better than Dean, who just tried to make him push through it. He didn’t understand at all. 

But… Why should he have to put up with it? Michael’s –Dean’s– voice rings in his head. 

You’re a new burden that he was handed… a weak fragile thing…

The mattress dips. Jack cracks open his sore eyes to see Michael’s face hovering above him, lit by the hallway light coming through the open door. He tries to scream. 

“Hey! Kid, it’s okay.” Dean grabs his arm. Jack whimpers in pain and Dean instantly releases his grip. He places the gentle, unobtrusive backs of his fingers against Jack’s cheek. “Geez, you’re burning up.” Through the dim light, Jack can see that he looks sad. “I know you didn’t do so well with the medicine earlier, but uh, this might help your fever for now.” Dean’s holding a damp washcloth in his hand. He starts to place it on Jack’s forehead, but stops. “I’m uh, going to put it on your forehead. It’s cold and wet – is… is that okay?” He’s awkward about it, and if Jack was feeling better he would have laughed at him. 

“It’s okay,” Jack croaks softly. Dean lays the washcloth over his hot forehead and Jack sighs in relief. 

“Good, huh?” Dean says, a smile in his voice. “Get some rest, there’s water on your nightstand.” He pats the mattress twice and gets to his feet. “Door open or closed?”

“Cracked, please,” Jack says. Dean leaves a crack large enough for a sliver of light to slip through. Jack listens to his heavy footfalls fade up the hall. 

Dean kind of likes burdens, he thinks. It won’t make sense in the morning, when his fever breaks, but for now it’s a comforting thought. 

FIN

[octoberclidan]

Can You Look at Me?

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Request: She hunts with Sam and Dean for a long time, they are inseparable best friends. She has feelings for Dean, but doesn't have hope he feels the same (he feels the same) because he often has one night stands with blonde busty barbies. When this happens reader is super sad,because she's more the small and petite type and not the busty tall model. One night the three celebrate in a bar and Dean as always flirts with a bitch, to distract himself from his feelings for his best friend. Unfortunately there's a guy hitting on her and he's super intrusive and she tries to defend herself but the guy is three her size. He spiked her drink and she slowly begins to feel faint. He violates her. After some time dean notices that a creep violates her in a corner....

She's out of it and Dean brings her to the bunker. She has a worrying reaction to the drugs and he takes care of her. She has a respiratory depression and later she's suffering from being violently sick. I really like Dean and Sam to be protective and worried care taker =)

Note: this is 18+ and contains sexual harassment and assault.

Masterlist

Story:

"Hey, you up for a bit of a celebration tonight?" Sam found [Y/N] in her room, updating her journal with details from the witch hunt they'd just arrived back from that morning. She glanced up at him and smiled, nodding at him.

"Sure, just our local bar?" She asked and he nodded once.

"Yeah, and just the three of us, Cas has heaven business to attend to". He walked over and pulled a chair over to sit down beside her bed. She closed her journal and raised an eyebrow at him, clearly something was on his mind. "So, you uh, think you'll see someone you like there?" He asked and she rolled her eyes.

"Sam, come on".

"What?" He grinned at her.

"You are far more invested in this than I am".

"Why don't you make a move tonight? You're on a high from the hunt, he's on a high from the hunt...". She glared at him and he raised his hands in defense. "Look, all I'm saying is, you two stare at each other all the time. Cas has even pointed it out. You can deny it all you want, but I know you have feelings for him, and I know he has feelings for you. I say you take your shot tonight". He shrugged before he stood up and put the chair back. "We leave in ten". He smiled at her annoyed expression before leaving the room.

Sam had been nagging [Y/N] about her feelings for Dean for months. She hadn't admitted anything, but he knew her too well, seeing right through her. She always found Dean attractive, anyone would, but her feelings for him evolved into something more solid after she'd moved into the bunker a year previous. She'd spent a lot of time with both Sam and Dean, and Cas too, and she'd come to genuinely love all of them. Cas was someone she could talk to about anything without fear of judgement, Sam was someone who she trained with, researched with, worked well with, and cared very deeply for. Dean was someone who she got along with without having to put in any effort, they just clicked. They got each other, they knew how to read each other, they looked out for each other, they knew when something was wrong with the other, and they enjoyed each other's company, even in silence.

Sam seemed to think that she just didn't have the courage to tell Dean how she felt, but courage wasn't the issue, at least not entirely. She had never been too scared to tell a man how she felt about them. The main issue was that even on the off chance that he did like her too, it would never work. Their ability to hunt together would be affected if there was a relationship involved. They often argued after bad hunts, when they were tired, physically hurt, and emotionally drained. She knew that put a strain on their friendship sometimes, and even though they always got over it, she also knew that it would do even more damage to a romantic relationship. Besides all of that, she was also almost certain that he didn't feel the same about her anyway, since she simply wasn't his type. Although Dean looked short next to Sam, he was still a tall guy. She'd never seen him go for a shorter woman. She'd also never seem him go for a woman with her body type, he tended to go for women with curves in all the right places, curves that [Y/N] just never had. She tried not to dwell on it too much, but that wasn't something she succeeded with.

She picked out a simple black dress from her closet which hugged her thighs, decided to leave her hair down, added some simple pieces of jewellery, and put on a pair of plain black high heels; something to give her a little bit of height. She didn't dress up often, they didn't really go out much. A lot of the time they were on hunts a few days away from the bunker, and when they were over they'd usually celebrate in whatever bar was closest to the case before heading back, meaning they usually went out in whatever clothes they brought for the hunt. Their last hunt wasn't that far away though, so they'd driven through the night to get home instead of going out. It was a rare opportunity for [Y/N] to dress up and feel pretty for once, and who knows, maybe there'd be a new local or someone passing through who she could make a good first impression on.

Once she was happy with how she looked, or as happy as she could be with what she had to work with, she picked up her purse and walked out to the war room to meet the boys. Sam raised his eyebrows when he saw her, and even though she had no feelings other than platonic for him, she couldn't help the blush on her cheeks under his stare. "Wow, you clean up well". He said, and his remark pulled the attention of Dean, who'd been distracted looking under the table for something when [Y/N] had walked in. He looked her up and down before clearing his throat and looking to Sam. Although she'd been building a wall between herself and her feelings for Dean, she had to admit that his lack of acknowledgement of the effort she'd put into her appearance stung a little.

"You sure you haven't seen them?"

"I told you, you were wearing them when we got back and then you disappeared off into your room, so if they're not in there and they're not out here, then I've no idea where your boots are Dean".

"Well I can't go out in just my socks".

"You seriously only own one pair of boots?" Sam asked him, crossing his arms with an amused expression on his face.

"No, but my other pair are covered in ghoul".

"Dean, that ghoul hunt was two months ago. You're telling me you've had those shoes rotting in your room all that time and haven't cleaned them yet? No wonder every time you open your door it makes the entire corridor smell like something's just died".

Dean just waved him off, muttering to him to go ahead and he'd meet them there as he wandered off back to his room. Sam and [Y/N] decided to walk to the bar since they intended on drinking properly, and it wasn't very far from the bunker. Although, she knew her feet would probably be hurting before she even got there with her not being used to wearing heels that much anymore. She figured it was worth the pain for one night.

The bar was busy when they got there, and [Y/N] grabbed a table while Sam went off to order drinks. She used the opportunity to scan the room, trying to see if there was anyone there that looked interesting. She noticed a man leaning at the bar ordering a drink ahead of Sam. What drew her attention to him was how similar he looked to Dean; same sort of height, build, clothes. Even his stance and they way he was smirking at the bartender looked like Dean. She watched him until Sam made his way back to the table with their drinks, looking away before he got back to the table, but he'd already caught her staring at him.

"He's not the real thing, you know that, right?" He chuckled as he sat down opposite her. She blushed and brought her drink up to her lips.

"I'm just looking, there's nothing wrong with that". Sam leaned forwards on the table, ready to start nagging again but she cut him off before he could start. "I want to enjoy tonight Sam, maybe find a nice man who's interested. I'm an adult, and I don't think I look too bad tonight, so I can do that if I want to". She took another sip of her drink.

"Yeah but Dean-"

"Sam. I said I want to enjoy the night, so drop it, okay?" They sat in silence for a few minutes with their drink, until Sam started talking about the type of magic that the witch they'd just killed had been using. She was half listening to him, half keeping an eye on the Dean lookalike while they made their way through their drinks.

"[Y/N]?" Sam waved his hand in front of her as she watched the man continue to flirt with the bartender, even his mannerisms were the same.

"Hmm?" She took a final sip of her drink.

"Are you listening? I asked if you ever found out what language she was speaking when she started to cast that spell".

"Oh, yeah, it was Irish, she was saying something about setting fire to either a man, or to the grass, one or the other, I couldn't remember exactly what she said". She looked back over to see the man now turned away from the bar, catching her eyes and smiling at her. She smiled back at him and Sam cleared his throat in an attempt to win back her attention. "Hey, you think Dean found his boots yet?" She asked, still looking at the man. The more she looked at him, a feeling of uneasiness started to grow inside her. He looked like Dean but he was missing the kindness in Dean's eyes, the warmth of Dean's smile, the aura of safety that she felt around Dean.

"He uh, found them awhile ago". She looked back at Sam in confusion, to see him looking over her shoulder with a grimace on his face. She turned around to see what he was looking at, and there Dean was. He was sitting in a booth with his arm around a girl that fit his type exactly, a smirk on his face as she giggled to something he'd just said. A wave of pain and jealousy flowed through her, but she found it difficult to look away. She swallowed back the lump in her throat and stood up.

"I need another drink". She didn't meet Sam's eyes, not wanting to see his pity, and made her way over to the bar to order, deciding to go to the far end from where the Dean lookalike was, now avoiding his gaze. Once her drink was on the counter, she turned back around to where she had been sitting with Sam, but there was another girl sitting where she'd been, and Sam was already completely immersed in conversation with her. [Y/N] sighed and leaned back against the bar watching them, leaving her drink on the counter beside her. She knew it had been awhile for Sam, and she was happy to see him smile. She took a long gulp from her drink and couldn't help but let her eyes wander over to Dean's booth, where his tongue was now definitely inside the girl's mouth. She tried to ignore the nausea she felt and was about to throw down some cash and head home early when someone cleared their throat beside her. Looking up, she saw a pair of green eyes. Cold, not warm like Dean's. Now that he was right next to her, she could see that he was taller than Dean, closer to Sam's height, and very broad.

"Hey, what's your name?" He smiled at her.

"[Y/N], sorry, I was actually just about to leave". She pushed off the bar but he stepped in front of her.

"What's the hurry? Not gonna finish your drink at least? I'm David". He held his hand out to her, and she glanced around him to Sam, but he was now facing away from her, having pulled his chair around to be closer to the girl he was talking to. She sighed but smiled and him and shook his hand.

"Nice to meet you, but I really am just gonna head home". She went to move around him but stumbled a little bit, suddenly feeling a bit dizzy. She'd only had one drink with Sam, and half of a second drink, not nearly enough for her to feel tipsy. David's large hand grabbed her shoulder, steadying her.

"Woah, you okay?" He scrunched his eyebrows together, and she was almost convinced, but his concern didn't seem genuine.

"Yeah..'m just tired. Gonna get my friend". She made another attempt to step around him, but she tripped, and this time David's arms were around her waist and pulling her closer to him.

"Looks like you need some support". He chuckled and she tried to push his arms off her, but she felt strangely weak. She was a hunter, she was small, but she was strong, she had been trained by the two best hunters in the world, and even though this guy was over a foot taller than her, she should've been able to manuever out of his hold with ease. Her body just wasn't cooperating, it wasn't doing what she wanted it to.

"Get off". She meant it as a demand, but her voice came out quiet. The room was now spinning, she couldn't really see anything properly, but she felt the edge of the counter of the bar against her back, and David pressing her into it.

"You seem tense, I can help you let off some steam". He murmured into her ear, now close enough for her to smell the alcohol on his breath. She brought her arms up to push his chest, but again she couldn't find any strength in them. He chuckled, gripping her waist hard with both hands and pushed his knee in between her legs, pushing his thigh up under her dress to grind against her underwear. She was confused as to why she couldn't think straight, why she couldn't see properly, why she couldn't get away, and she started to cry, continuously trying and failing to push him away without success. She didn't know how long she'd been there, it could've been less than a minute, or it could have been half an hour, but suddenly the pressure from David was gone, and she was falling to the floor on her hands and knees.

***

Dean had found his boots not long after he'd left Sam and [Y/N] to go to the bar. He'd arrived only ten minutes or so after they had, and he'd gone up to the bar to order himself a drink with the intention of joining Sam and [Y/N] at theirs. He'd been waiting for his drink when a pretty woman had said hello to him, had complimented his smile, and had asked to touch his muscles. Dean never had to try very hard to get attention, and he knew it. However, it wasn't the attention he really wanted. He glanced over to [Y/N], but she was staring at another man on the other end of the bar, not noticing Dean at all. So, he decided that the pretty girl touching his muscles would be a good distraction, and maybe if he got talking to her, she'd be half as interesting as [Y/N].

He hadn't bothered to make himself known to Sam and [Y/N], and pulled the girl over to a free booth and wrapped an arm around her, ready to try and get lost in her. He made eye contact with Sam, who nodded in acknowledgement before turning back to [Y/N], but Dean could see that she wasn't paying any attention to Sam, she was still looking over at the guy at the bar. Trying to keep the jealously at bay, Dean chuckled and nodded at whatever the girl had just said to him, and leaned in to kiss her. When he finally decided that he wasn't having fun and wasn't into it when he knew [Y/N] was right there and interested in someone else, he made an excuse and got up from the booth. He turned to go over to Sam and [Y/N]'s table to tell them he was going to go back to the bunker, but [Y/N] wasn't there, some other girl was talking to Sam. Dean scanned the room and when he found [Y/N], his heart sank. The man she'd been looking at earlier was caging her in against the bar, and she was clearly crying. Dean had never felt anger like he had in that moment, and without thinking he marched over to the man, grabbed his shoulder and pulled him off [Y/N]. He shoved him, and David stumbled backwards.

"What's your problem?" David asked, squaring up against Dean.

"What the fuck did you think you were doing?" Dean's face was red with anger.

"Fuck off, find your own slut". David shoved Dean and Dean punched him without hesitation, right in the jaw. He stumbled back again, this time falling down onto his back. Dean hadn't noticed, but the people around him had cleared away and everyone was watching. Sam had immediately run over to [Y/N] who was on the ground, but Dean's attention was on David. He crouched down and grabbed a fistful of his collar, pulling his head up and getting in his face.

"If I ever see you again, if you ever touch her again, I will kill you". He waited for David to submit and nod, then let go, letting him fall back down, and with the look that Dean was giving him, he stayed down.

"Dean". Sam's voice called to Dean and he stood back up, gave David one last warning glare, and turned around to see Sam and [Y/N] on the ground. She was sitting in Sam's lap, and he was cradling her in his arms, rocking slightly in an attempt to comfort her. "There's something wrong with her, she's not breathing properly". Dean knelt down beside them, his anger turning to panic as he watched [Y/N] struggling to catch her breath, the tears still streaming down her face. He pushed her hair back off her face and wiped her tears away.

"Hey Sweetheart, you're safe, Sammy and I have you. Can you look at me?" He cupped her cheek but her eyes weren't focusing on him, she was looking all over frantically. "Okay, okay, come here". He looked to Sam. "Give her to me, we need to get her out of here". Sam nodded and carefully pushed her into Dean's arms, before getting himself up and helping Dean up with her. Sam walked ahead of Dean, clearing a path through the crowd and opening the door as Dean carried [Y/N], his hand holding her head close to his chest, determined not to let anyone hurt her or even get close to her.

Dean kept his eyes on her the entire walk home, and Sam kept trying to talk to her but got no response other than confused expressions. "She's completely out of it, how much did she drink?" Dean asked as they walked down the steps inside the bunker.

"Not enough to affect her like that. He definitely spiked her drink Dean". Sam had suggested taking her to a hospital, but Dean knew she wouldn't want that. He'd prayed to Cas during the walk home, and hoped that he'd be finished in heaven soon. He walked to her bedroom, Sam following quickly behind him. He laid her down on her bed and pulled back, and she started to panic, grabbing at his arm trying to stop him from letting go.

"Hey, hey, [Y/N] look at me". He put his fingers under her chin and angled her face towards his, but she still wasn't focusing on him. "I'm not going anywhere, you're in the bunker, you're gonna have to breathe properly for me, okay?"

"Dean, her colour is off, I think she's gonna be sick". Sam said from behind Dean. He stood back just in time to avoid being thrown up on as [Y/N] leaned over the side of the bed. He held her hair away from her face and rubbed her back, looking up to Sam for help. "I'll get her some water, move her to another bed and I'll clean this up".

"Thanks Sammy". Dean looked down to [Y/N] once Sam left the room. "Hey, do you think you're done? Or do you think you're gonna be sick again? Hopefully you've thrown up whatever was in that drink". He rubbed circles on her back and watched as tears formed in her eyes again.

"I'm sorry". She whispered, avoiding looking at him.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. How do you feel?"

"I feel weird".

"You weren't really with us for awhile there, you had both of us worried". She apologised again and sniffed before wiping her eyes.

"I don't feel like throwing up again". She mumbled.

"That's good, you're doing good. You wanna sleep in my room tonight? I have the most comfortable bed in the bunker". He reached over to wipe away another tear that escaped her eye and she nodded shyly at him. She tried to push herself off the bed but she still felt like she had no strength. "Don't push yourself, I'll carry you".

Dean carried [Y/N] to his room, noticing how she clung to his shirt as he did, and gently laid her down just as Sam walked in with a glass of water. "Thanks Sam". She said quietly, and he smiled at her and turned to Dean.

"Cas called, he's just finished in heaven and is on his way, should be here in a few hours. It's a good sign that she's talking now". He turned back to [Y/N]. "How are you feeling?" She just shrugged and took a sip of the water before handing it to Dean, who put it on the bedside table for her.

"I'm gonna stay with her until Cas gets here". Dean said, and Sam let him know to just call him if he needed anything. "You wanna move over a bit and let me in beside you? Or if you want your space I can sit in my chair instead, but I do want to be close by just to keep an eye on you". Dean wanted more than anything to hold her in his arms and protect her from everything, but he was also mindful of the fact that she may not want to be touched by someone after what happened, especially by someone who looked like the guy who hurt her. He smiled when she moved over in the bed and made eye contact with him. "Thank you Sweetheart".

He kicked off his shoes and pulled off hers too before he helped her under the covers and slid in beside her. She immediately lay her head on his chest and wrapped an arm around his waist, and he wrapped both of his arms around her. She felt safe in his strong hold, and her thoughts were starting to clear up a bit. The tiredness was also setting in though, and she just wanted to fall asleep and forget that evening. Dean pressed his lips to the top of her head and whispered reassurances to her until her breathing evened out and deepened. She was safe, she was going to be okay, he was going to tell her how he really felt about her when she was better, and both Sam and Dean would make sure they were there to protect her in future.

The end

[bi-bard]

Our Process Implies Our Progress - Dean Winchester Imagine [Supernatural]

Title: Our Process Implies Our Progress

Pairing: Dean Winchester X Reader

Based On: Land or Sea

Word Count: 1,246 words

Warning(s): grief, mentions of death

Summary: Hunting was sometimes a painful reminder that no day was promised to you. When (Y/n) is given that harsh reminder, Dean takes it upon himself to help them as much as possible.

Author's Note: You would think it would be easier to find gifs of Dean that would match the banner art.

Part Two of February [Release Date: 3/4/2023]

Part Three of February [Release Date: 3/6/2023]

YEARBOOK - SLEEPING AT LAST WRITING CHALLENGE MASTERLIST

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Hunter's funerals always had this medieval sense to them.

My dad had explained to me that lighting the body on fire kept out the bad things. Allowed freedom to one's soul. Since then, I had imagined pieces of a person's soul jumping from flame to flame and then jumping onto the particles of smoke and following them to Heaven.

I knew better.

Not only did I know that it was simply to avoid possession and prevent people from turning into vengeful spirits, but I also knew very well that most people in our line of work were not going to make it to the pearly gates.

But it was still a comforting thought.

A comforting thought that I clung to. Especially when the body burning was my dad's.

That had been days ago.

I hadn't been sleeping much. I could still see the flames so vividly. Still burning just behind my eyelids. If I closed my eyes tight enough, then I could hear the crackling.

My sleep or lack thereof didn't change how the smell hung around me. Like I was wearing the clothes of some lifelong smoker. The particles had seemingly stuck to the inside of my nostrils and offered no escape. It didn't matter how much I showered, how many times I changed, how many candles I tried to light. There was no escape.

Maybe it was guilt. Guilt shaking hands with my grief.

Or maybe it was because I wasn't sleeping, so I was losing my hold on reality.

It didn't really matter at the end of the day.

After the funeral, I had confined myself to my room in the bunker. I had joined Sam and Dean when my dad started slowing down on the number of hunts he was pursuing. They allowed me a more consistent line of work.

Maybe that was selfish.

If I had stayed with my dad, then I would've been there to save him. I wouldn't have needed to get that panicked voicemail. I wouldn't have needed to burn the body.

I shook my head at the thought, trying to push it away.

"(Y/n)."

I picked up my head when I heard Dean say my name. He was standing in my doorway just barely tilting his head in.

"How are you feeling," he asked.

"How do you think?" my head plopped back down on my pillow as I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not one to make assumptions," the sarcasm dripped from each word. When I didn't even entertain him with a scoff, Dean walked in and pulled the blanket from me.

"What are you doing?" I muttered, wanting to go back to avoiding every ounce of the world around me.

"Getting you to eat," he replied. "Let's go before I have to carry you."

I grumbled before pulling myself out of bed and starting to follow him down that hall. It was a silent walk for a while. I had mixed feelings about that. I liked not answering questions but hated feeling like all I could do was drown in my thoughts.

He led me to the kitchen before pointing at one of the seats. "Sit down. I'll whip something up."

"This is just an excuse to show off that you know how to use the kitchen," I muttered as I sat down.

"Can a man not use his fancy kitchen without judgment?" Dean joked.

A chuckle escaped me before I could stop it. Dean had already turned away from me to walk toward the fridge.

"Heard that," he said proudly.

"It was a cough."

"Keep telling yourself that, sweetheart."

I just rolled my eyes and rested my head on my folded arms on top of the table. My eyes closed for a few minutes, listening to Dean mutter the lyrics to some song to himself. I couldn't quite hear the words, so I couldn't make out what song it was.

I only picked up my head when I heard a plate hit the table. Dean had put together a sandwich and thrown some chips on the side.

"Would've made something fancier, but it's last minute," he shrugged, putting his own plate down and sitting across from me. "I'll prove my cooking skills soon enough."

I just nodded, picking up a chip and eating it.

We fell silent again. I had a million and one thoughts but no way to express them. Not all of them. Not properly.

I heard Dean let out a small sigh. He wanted me to talk to him, but he didn't want to push the topic. He did the same thing when he went through pain. He shut down, closed himself off. He understood it all.

I only spoke up after my chips were gone, "What do I do now?"

"What do you mean," Dean asked, setting his sandwich down and swallowing the bite he had taken.

"What do I do now," I repeated. "I... I hunted with my dad to keep him safe. I hunted with you guys so I could keep him safe. But he's gone. I failed and I... I don't know what I'm hunting for now."

"It's still him," he replied.

I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Now, you keep his memory safe. His work safe," he continued. "As far as failing goes, that's just crap.

"You are easily one of the most badass hunters I've ever seen. You made your dad proud. I saw it."

I nodded a bit. It must not have been very convincing.

"Listen. I... You had a bit more luck with your dad than I did with mine. God knows that I should be the last to talk about good fathers, but I saw your dad's face. I heard him talk about you. He was proud of you. He really was.

"Now, you hunt for him. Because you can. He had a legacy behind him. You get to hold onto it. Everything is in his name. Continue doing the work that made him so proud."

I nodded again, wiping away a few tears that had fallen. "Thank you, Dean."

"It's nothing," he kind of waved it off. "I'm gonna grab us some drinks, alright?"

"Yeah, please," I said as I took a deep breath. He grinned before pushing himself out of his seat.

I felt myself staring at his back as he got the drinks.

Dean had always been the first one to want to help me. I hated asking. I always had. But he seemed to always know exactly when to show up. He always knew when to hug me or check on me or make some seemingly inappropriately timed joke. It seemed like an instinct for him.

"You alright?"

I blinked a few times when Dean spoke up. He was suddenly not standing at the fridge with his back to me but standing next to the table again with a concerned look written on his face.

I nodded.

Dean let out a sigh before circling me. Instead of sitting across from me, he moved to sit right next to me.

"What is it?"

"Nothing," I muttered. "I just got lost in thought."

"You sure?"

I nodded.

He reached his hand over and placed it over mine. He grinned at me sympathetically. I found a small grin forming on my lips.

It felt selfish at the time, considering everything that had happened in those few days, but in that moment... something shifted in how I looked at Dean.

And it was good.

Really good.

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Hey! I did a rewrite of the ending of Supernatural. It took a really long time to complete, so it would mean a lot to me if you check it out. Here’s a link! (it’s on my personal account)

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[pentacentric]

I am so so not gonna rb that john post bc of how it frames John caring so much about Sam & not Dean & such shallow take on John overall in general but i wanted to tell you how immaculate and on points your tags were.

I don't know why it's a war (i know why & you can see which side of fandom is shaping it as if John was attending to Sam 24/7 taking him on freaking themeparks every weekend) it's frustrating & upsetting. Let's not forget that in his last living moments John he was telling Dean he gotta kill Sam. Like this guy would've killed Sam unlike Dean. But hey, Sam had such loving tender father figure who cherished him. Anyway sorry for the ramble. I rarely see someone actually acknowledging that there's NOT supposed to be a competition but minimizing Sam's abuse and suffering is very common here bc they gotta remove Sam from the story in one way or another. I even consider myself a big john lover just bc how flawed but layered and damaged he was but he wasnt a good father for Sam either. He did NOTHING for Sam. Hell it was even Dean who carried Sam out of the fire. It was Dean saving and cherishing Sam, not John. I mean, I don't think there's an argument that he loved them both but that doesn't change how be treated them BOTH

Thank you❤️ 100% in agreement with you. This fandom can be a little exhausting at times as we all know and I generally try to stay out of that kind of discourse, but sometimes stuff like it slips in my feed and I just get so frustrated and I can't help myself. It's always nice to know there's other people that understand that the whole battle thing is just pointless.

And trauma fighting aside, even, it's such a bad take on its own. Like, not only are you completely erasing Sam's whole story and character (which is pretty much a capital crime, really), you are actually doing such a disservice to Dean! It removes so much complexity and nuance from his character, and only adds to the whole boring Dean woobification syndrome where he's the only one that suffered and is alone in the world and no one understands him (except, maybe hmmm I wonder…). Like Dean didn't have Sam suffering right there by his side. Like it wasn't the two of them against the world (which John was a central pillar of). Like all of that isn't such an integral part of why they are so intrinsically intertwined, which is what makes Dean Dean and Sam Sam and drives the whole damn show! You can't say you love Dean and try to remove his actual bond with Sam or reduce it to some kind of fanonized parentified-child/golden-child guilt trap. Because that's not it at all. And if they think that, they don't know Dean it all.

And I agree with you about John. I don't hate him (and JDM made me love him, even, with the way he portrayed him), but I can also be hard on him sometimes because he does have a lot of faults and he is abusive and it's very recognizable. But it's in a very realistic way where he isn't truly a bad person. That's part of his complexity as a character and why he's interesting. Like, someone can be loving and intend to do well and have a lot of great attributes, and also a total fucking mess and abusive and a kind of shitty parent at the same time. John may have tried, but he did utterly fail them in as many ways as he overall kept them safe and cared for them. It's fascinating because in those situations children tend to be pulled between loving that parent and wanting their approval and affectio , and also being resentful and hurt and angry, and both sets of feelings are totally valid. I think the show captures that really well with the way the boys react and develop as characters themselves. Villainizing John is as reductive as erasing Sam's canon history.

[veryace-ficrecs]

Criminal Minds Fanfic Recs

This list will include all ratings and tags, so read at your own discretion! :)   

He Was Left on the Steps of the FBI in a Basket by schrijverr - Rated T

Maybe not a basket, but sixteen-year-old Dr. Spencer Reid suddenly shows up at FBI headquarters claiming that his mother has been kidnapped. The BAU isn’t certain first, but the case he sets them on proves to be an interesting one, wherein they get to know the young doctor until he’s practically family. 

Shuffle the Odds by schrijverr - Rated T

Spencer is a Vegas boy, who's game is poker, no matter what others might believe. The team slowly catches onto it.

Following Spencer from when he started at the BAU till season 7 with poker as red thread.

Dr. Spencer Reid's First Case by boredom - Rated T

Derek Morgan wasn't sure he trusted Gideon's judgement. After all, who allows a 23 year old who can't even pass the academy's physical exam to become a field agent? Luckily for him, Reid is about to prove just how competent (and badass) he can be.

Trigger warnings: blood, violence, mentions of school shootings, death, lack of respect towards people suffering from mental illness, and other things you would normally find in a Criminal Minds episode.

Bite Your Tongue (Choke Yourself To Sleep) by drspencerreid - Rated G

reid tipped his head back and leaned it on the shoulder behind him, making it look like he was just putting on a show. he whispered, "i swear to god if you hold what i'm about to do against me, i'm sending garcia the baby pictures your mother gave me."

••

or the one in which spencer has to go undercover in a club and his friends are far too smug

Gotta Live Before We Get Older (Nothing To Lose) by drspencerreid - Rated G

the silence that followed in the next few seconds was eventually broken by prentiss loudly exclaiming, "i'm sorry, what was that?"

•••

or the one in which spencer surprises everyone with his view on tattoos

The Times They Forget by Ena2705 - Rated G

Spencer Reid is a genius, anyone can tell you that. But sometimes people forget that his head wasn’t always buried in books, and there was a time when he did something other than catch serial killers. 

These Are My Friends (I Love Them) by drspencerreid - Rated G

"as much as i have enjoyed learning all these new sides to the kid, i should start going too. i'm very slightly starting to get old, and i really shouldn't have tested it with all those shots."

"very slightly starting to?" spencer repeated. "rossi, i think you surpassed that like sixty years ago."

••

or the one in which spencer gets drunk and honest

Dumb and Ditzy by TimelessTears - Rated T

AU. Years of being bullied for his smarts left him dreading when people figured out he was a genius. What better way to throw them off then by acting stupid? Enter: Dumb Blond Spencer Reid. 

Supernatural:

Monsters in Your Closet by AlbusCorvus - Rated G

Series: 2 Works

When Castiel goes on a hunt alone and is caught by a particular FBI team, the brothers do something they never thought they’d have to. They kidnap SSA Spencer Reid to make an exchange. But being kidnapped by delusional serial killers is nothing like Spencer thought it would be. 

Monsters are Real by WhiskyBoys - Rated T

'Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win.' Stephen King.

The kid sitting in the interview room swings on the rear legs of his chair, throws back his head, and at the top of his lungs, sings a painfully off-key version of 'Wanted Dead or Alive'. Hotch looks at Morgan with one eye-brow arched in question. "You think he's your unsub?"

No Difference by The_Bookkeeper - Rated T

Derek has been in a lot of bad situations. This one easily makes the top five. Or would, if Dean and Sam Winchester were actually acting like the sadistic psychopaths he expected them to be. Instead, Dean is referencing Star Trek, Sam is comforting Reid, and Derek has never been more confused.

Batman:

How... Did I Get Here? by PurpleMango - Rated T

Spencer Reid gets transported universes, happens along Batman, and ends up with a job as the resident quirky profiler to the Bat Family

[mlobsters]

supernatural s15e20 carry on (w. andrew dabb)

well. i started watching this show last year around end of february. more or less since maybe a bit through s1, i've been watching one episode a day. sometimes it takes me a few days to get through one episode, other times i need a break because of some bad stuff in the episode prior. i've been posting a recap thing for every episode since about midway through s4.

297 posts under my spnwatch tag, which has some doubles because of reblogs when i split up the watch etc. so yeah, only a year of my life, but i've spent so many hours writing about the show now that it's like i'm wrapping up some large project by finishing it. that said, because i didn't write up those first few seasons (only when i recognized someone and did a hey i know you), i do think i might go back and write those up when i start a rewatch. so i have a project extension waiting in the wings 🤪

i made a fanvid, i've made spn gifs and even some j2 gifs

i've also painted a good amount of things from the show now

so i guess this is all to say, this show has been so creatively inspiring and i'm thankful for that - despite all my regular complaining, i do care so much for these two characters and the relationship they forged and shared on screen over all these years. i'm late to the party but i'm glad i got here nonetheless

i'm nervous to watch this episode. i know the main moments but not how it plays out. and i've been upset about and complained about dean's ending for many a season knowing it was coming down the pike

i gather there's no official time on when this takes place, but that jared has said 5 years later and the script linked from the wiki said 6 months but however long it was apparently sam has learned to use a towel with a hot pan handle in this little domestic slice of life montage

DEAN What? What's wrong? SAM Nothing. I'm fine. DEAN No, come on. I know that face. That's, uh... That Sad Sam face. SAM I'm not Sad Sam. I'm just... I'm thinking about Cass, you know? Jack. If they could be here. DEAN Yeah, no. I think about 'em, too. You know what? That pain's not gonna go away. Right? But if we don't keep living, then all that sacrifice is gonna be for nothing. So, quit being a friggin' Eeyore, huh? Come on.

get busy living or get busy dying

can't complain about going out on a monster of the week episode vs the any of the prior ridiculous mainplots

is it happening already? there's a barn. and vampires. i mean, that's kind of funny that they brought back some very minor evil side character and immediately killed her off. ok well and they showed us dean once narrowly missing the rebar so i guess so.

i knew i wasn't going to handle dean dying well, and i'm not handling it well. he's so young and they went through so much misery for basically his entire life. and insult to injury is sam having to live without him for so long.

DEAN I must have stood outside your dorm for hours... because I didn't... I didn't know what... What you would say. I thought you'd tell me to... to get lost or get dead. And I don't know what I would've done... if I didn't have you. 'Cause I was so scared. I was scared, 'cause when it all came down to it, it was always you and me. It's always been you... and me. SAM Then don't leave me. Don't leave me. I can't do this alone.

i really hate everything about him dying like this but i can appreciate the words they gave us for their love for each other.

i really would like to finish this in one go because i don't want to be crying for two days.

not a fan of the licensed music choices jay gruska (ofc) made. lyrics fit but music itself, pass. maybe for the best, if there was something better in this collection of sam grieving i might not be able to handle it. not really handling now either tbf

DEAN So, Jack did all that? BOBBY Well... Cass helped.

that mean cas is out of the empty then? i'd think i would know that, and with jack fixing everything that would make sense

DEAN It's almost perfect. BOBBY He'll be along. Time up here, it's... it's different.

but it isn't for sammy... but i guess he's happy with his kid and blurry wife and all that, so.

if they were gonna do the gray wig on jared, the least they could have done was some aging makeup as well

counted i think 3 variations of the mushy music theme between dean dying, something else i don't wanna backtrack for, and on the bridge

i know this is a happy ending but just like i considered a fic where the mains die in the last moments when they're old still mcd, this falls under the same kind of thing for me personally. some things make me cry, and it's cathartic. i cry easily, obviously. this is engineered to make me sob and i don't like the premise of him dying early, or that we had to follow the story through them dying to reunite in heaven. it surely adds to the romance of the story, but i also find it incredibly upsetting and i don't particularly like feeling this way. so this is why i'd been dreading this episode for months.

so, that's that, i guess.

Eric Kripke revealed in an interview with EW, that after learning of the show's planned ending, he had attempted to think of different ones to pitch back to Andrew Dabb and Bob Singer, but ultimately came to the conclusion that their planned ending was the right one. Saying of his proposed alternate ending: "There's only one scene that I haven't done that I would've done for the end of the show and I'm certainly not going to give it away, maybe one day I will. But I can assure the fans that my ending was so much darker than the ending they're going with, so anyone who's like, 'Kripke should've ended it,' I'm like, 'You would've hated my ending!' Because it was a horror movie and it was going to have a horror movie ending, so I can promise you the ending [they went with] you'll love much more than if you had let me end the show."

i can only imagine and yes i'm sure i would have hated it too

Dean II: Dad. It's okay. You can go now.

As he described at the November StageIt panel, it was Jared's idea to mirror Dean's death with Sam's. The line "You can go now" was inspired by what director Bob Singer related he had said to his own father.

yeah yeah. my mom made me tell my dad this too when he was dying from cancer when I was 16.