#and especially since dad will flip if i get vaccinated......

[sleekervae]

Past Lives [1.1]

Masterlist

A/N: Thanks for all the birthday wishes, guys! For those who are eagerly awaiting the next part of the Neighbour, it is coming. Slowly, but surely, it us under construction. Meanwhile, I have another indulgent piece for y'all to enjoy below 🥰

Warnings: smut ahead

The time had come.

With a listless thanksgiving come and gone and Christmas just around the corner, 2021 would be wrapping up with a bang for many and people were excited over future endeavours to come. The pandemic was almost over and a large amount of the population had been vaccinated. There was a renewed sense of optimism in the air, clouded just a bit by the uncertainty for more curve balls coming peoples' way.

Austin's flight had gotten in a few days ago, and he'd taken the time to readjust to the time change and his new, but familiar surroundings. He was in a new place in LA now, and just as before he had to get himself into some new habits. He was especially grateful to have the opportunity for a tearful reunion with his sister and his dad. In three tumultuous, truly tedious years, he was finally beginning to feel whole.

Jade however was still struggling, not that she would let anybody know.

The news had broke that she had signed a deal with Warner Brothers to produce part of the soundtrack for the new Batman movie, on top of that Cam was already speaking to press about the possible release of new music. There was a lot to look forward to for Jade, but there was also a lot of immense pressure that came with it. Arena tours and festivals, movie soundtracks, it was all a walk in the park at this stage in the game. It was nothing she couldn't handle, at least that was what she had been assuring herself.

Both Austin and Jade had a lot to look forward to, especially on that brisk Tuesday evening. California in winter was never truly cold, but there was a distinctive chill in the air, the change in season complimented by leaves turning from lush green to bold oranges and reds and the dreaded pumpkin spice latte was being marketed everywhere.

He tried to repress his nerves as he read the menu outside, then he flipped through his social media; that did little to calm his nerves of course. He wondered about what they might talk about, thought long and hard about what had been lingering in the back of his mind for months, though thought better than the chance that he might scare her away.

Around the corner, Jade's ankle boots clicked sharply against the pavement. She clung to her skirt to keep the gentle breeze from lifting it up, her eyes darting around until she spotted him, and she exhaled slowly.

He was leant against the wall outside the restaurant, a couple of building up from where her Uber had dropped her off, his figure and the way he held himself unmistakably Austin. At the mere sight of him she knew that even if she somehow forgot his face one day, she'd still be drawn to him beyond reason, she knew that no matter what she could never shake him.

It had been too long since she'd seen him, even by her own rationality and she let her mind wander back to the early summer, what he'd been wearing then, how he'd looked, what they'd promised each other. Joyful conversation, records on vinyl, books, deserts, pure, unadulterated joy after years of stress and fear. Smiles in movie theatres, hidden to the wings of stages. Dancing in the living room. Wine -- too much wine. Drunken, slurred compliments. His hips. Her lips. Touches. Softness. Intimacy.

She took a quick puff from her vape to settle her nerves.

As she found the strength in her legs to approach him, Jade realized that he looked a little tired; probably was tired with the filming of his project fully finished and the time change knocking him on his head. Nevertheless, he had insisted on them coming out together the first night that worked for them both. The jet lag and fatigue be damned. His hair was fluffy, locks of strands falling over his forehead and yet styled in a way like he'd tried just enough and his jawline was sharper than she remembered, only accentuated by the darkness. He was dressed with his carhartt jacket thrown over a black shirt, his dark jeans loose but accentuated his height and the shape of his thighs, his chelsea boots tapped gently against the pavement, his dark blue eyes reflective in the glow from the street lamp above. She never got tired of looking at him, watching him simply be.

Another puff.

Austin turned his head and when he spotted her, his entire face lit up, the corners of his lips turning up immediately.

God, she was beautiful.

Austin was walking to meet her halfway before he even thought to move, but he couldn't stop, didn't stop until he was stood right in front of her, his knees weak from how close she was to him after the countless days. He watched amused as she quickly buried her vape into her pocket, her lengthened hair falling just perfectly at the sides of her face.

"Hi,"

"Hi," she smiled back.

Up close, the details fell into place; the crease between her eyebrows when she concentrated enough, the freckles under her eyes, her chapped lips, old piercing scar in his nostril. The warm green of her eyes was familiar but he'd missed it so much it could've knocked him over.

"Hi..." Austin chuckled shakily.

She was wearing sheer tights and black boots, and a little black skirt and a green jumper. her hair feel in soft waves, now brushing across her shoulders, tamed just enough and her face had the natural flow to it he'd always known.

"You look..." he pursed his lips, shaking his head as he searched for the adjective to fit his declaration. There was no word that quite worked for her right now and he found himself rendered speechless, just like the first time in the park.

"... Bad? Good?" she laughed, the nerves clear in her voice at his silence, "Utterly unattractive or embarrassing to be seen with in public?"

"Wha -- no, Jade," he laughed off, "You look amazing," he took a single step closer, another deep breath in, "I mean, you always look amazing, but... you just do..."

"Well, it has been six months and some months," she simpered.

"Can I -- um, do we hug now or...?" she answered for him as she reached her arms out. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, pulling her against his chest and Jade held onto him in disbelief, the way his hands pressed against her back, the way his fingers stroked through the knots at the back of her head completely overwhelming, even the idea of him being her, in LA, with her, after years and year -- it was too much.

Her sharp, citrusy performed hit him forcefully, then became a comfort, "I missed you,"

"I missed you, too," she replied softly, his warmth flooded through her like a long forgotten memory.

Austin sniffled as they pulled away, his hands lingering at her waist before her buried them in his jacket pockets. Her mouth had never seemed so inviting, her lips a deep pink and he thought about kissed her with everything he had; though he thought better of it. He waited this long, he could wait a while longer.

"So, shall we?" he asked, motioned his head for the door.

Jade nodded with enthusiasm, her fingernails burying themselves in her palms as Austin led her into the restaurant, holding the door, the smile on his face aching.

The restaurant was fairly quiet, an upper scale place lit with candles and industrial looking overhead bulbs. They got a table in the back corner, secluded enough that it almost felt like they had the place to themselves. As they waited for their server to come he sat kitty corner to her and he felt his confidence waver, but then remember who he was, who she was, and basked in how good it felt to be here.

"You look great," Jade said suddenly, forcing him to lift his head to meet her faze, "I don't think I said... you look -- you look great,"

"Thank you," he smiled, raking his free hand through his hair, "Even with my eye circles?"

"Didn't even notice," she laughed gently and though Austin could tell she was lying, he was comforted by the sincerity of her previous compliment.

They ordered a half litre of wine to share and some snacks to nibble on for the first little while. He watched her lipstick leave a slight stain on the glass, noted the dark red polish on her nails and took a long sip of his wine, his ring clicking against the stem.

"So, what's been happening in your world?" he asked.

"Nothing," she said, gently laughing at his attempt at small talk, "Nothing... and everything, I guess,"

"I heard, you've been very busy," Austin hummed, "When did this Batman thing come about?"

"Cam signed me for the deal last year; I didn't believe him at first when he brought it up," she shrugged.

He nodded, "And I guess your NDA finally ran out," he concluded.

"Which means now I can talk about it without fear of being sued," she chuckled, "You had to sign one for Elvis, right?"

"That and a whole bunch of other mumbo-jumbo paperwork swearing me to secrecy," he muttered, his fingers tapping against the table, "What kind of songs you have?"

Jade knew she was being evasive, but also couldn't help herself. They both knew bigger conversation Jason the cards tonight, inevitable, unavoidable and now that he was sat in front of her, shuffling closer between each sentence, his cologne pulling her in, she wanted nothing more than to skip to the good bit, "Emo industrial," she chuckled anxiously, "It's two or three songs, but a lot of them took influence from Nine Inch Nails and Nirvana. I hope they'll do well,"

"They will," Austin nodded, "You don't look convinced," he noted how she fidgeted as she talked about it.

She bit down on her lip, "I scream in them," she admitted.

"You scream?" he queried, "How do you mean, like --"

"Not like -- to the point where you can't understand, but -- yeah," her face felt flush, "Like My Chemical Romance, kind of screaming,"

He nodded, "Okay, I see. Don't take this the wrong way, but I cannot imagine you doing that," he smirked coyly.

Jade shook her head with a laugh, curls falling into face which she was quick to tuck behind her despite despite the obvious red glow in her cheeks, "Bet your ass I had to work on that," she said, "I was recording when Flo came home and she thought I'd straight up lost my mind,"

He scrunched his nose, the image of her doing such just barely weaving together in his mind, "Guess I'll have to ask her about that when I see her next,"

"Please don't," she giggled into her glass as she lifted her to her lips, "I traumatized her that day, she hasn't forgiven me yet," Austin pouted dramatically before his smile cracked at her laughter.

"I missed your laugh," he mumbled, unable to hold back his word, "And that smile..."

She inhaled, trying to even her breath at the sentimentality, "You saw both when he chatted last week," she pointed out.

"I know, but it's not the same," he rebutted. His eyes were shining brightly under the lights, his expression soft and she longed to reach out and touch him, stroke back the loose strands of hair that had fallen into his face, but took a sip from her wine to sedate her need.

"Anyway, your filming's all done?" she asked, swallowing hard.

Austin nodded, "Masters of the Air has officially concluded -- my parts anyway," he grinned, "My manager said to expect calls for reshoots in the new year,"

"Let's hope you can get away with those here," she said, "You've been looking after yourself, right?"

"I feel good," he assured, "A lot of that I owe to you,"

"Me?" she popped a brow, "What did I do?"

He shook his head gently, "I'm not sure... but in the two weeks I spent with you in June, I felt more like myself than I had in two and half years,"

She gave a smile and a nod, comforted by his answer but the sparkle in his eyes had her heart racing. She tapped indecisively at the stem of her wine glass, "Glad I could help," she inhaled slowly. Where she'd been so reluctant to rush before, the urgency was now uncontainable as she couldn't hold back any longer, "Austin..."

"Jade?"

"Should we..." she motioned at the small space between them, felt her bottom lip quiver when she felt his fingers nudge against hers, "... Should we talk about this?"

Austin swallowed hard and tried to hold her gaze, "This?"

She nodded gently, her head barely moving.

Austin sighed, "Tell you the truth, Jade... I'm fucking nervous..."

"Nervous?" she repeated, somewhat surprised, her cheeks flushing at the clear emotion in his face, "How do you think I feel?"

"Exactly," he chuckled nervously, taking a brief second to look down at the table, at their hands, before he could face the surreality of their situation, "We never talked about this when we were apart. I don't know why,"

"Because it didn't feel so real," Jade replied, more of an insight then a suggestion, "We don't have to if you're not feeling --"

"No, no, it's okay," he laced his fingers with hers, drew patterns up the side of her pinky finger with his thumb as he spoke, "I don't -- like I told you before, I'll move at whatever pace you're comfortable with. Because you know, we had fun in London but, I know it was a spur of the moment thing. And if you have regrets --"

"I don't!" she interrupted him swiftly, "I mean -- sorry..."

"It's okay, if you want to --"

"No, no. Please," she nodded, "Keep going,"

Austin dipped his head again, avoiding her gaze, the pine green evoking emotions he didn't know what to do with. He was too happy, too uncertain; every plan he'd had before she stepped back into his life had vanished.

"What I want to say is if you ever have regrets, or feel like this is getting out of control, or if you meet somebody else... we don't have to continue this," he motioned between them, "But, just know that I enjoy spending time with you, not just the physical aspect but all the ways we have, and I don't have second thoughts about anything,"

Jade didn't know what to do with herself. It wasn't as if she hadn't been expecting it, hadn't replayed versions of this conversation in her head over and over, but his words still affected her. Her jaw was locked with tension but a smile was twitching on her lips at the honestly and relief in his expression, "Fuck," she muttered, clutching her chest with her free hand. She parted her lips to speak, but all that came was her own relief as she scrambled for something of some intelligence to say.

"Are you... are you good?" Austin laughed, shifting closer to her side, his hand now resting fully on hers.

"I'm good," she admitted, pushing her tongue into her cheek to gather her thoughts. He was so close now that she was sure he could feel the racing in her chest, "I appreciate it. I..." she finally lifted her head again to the hold the intensity of his gaze, "I feel the same. And we can work out some more ground rules and boundaries later but... I agree. And no, I don't regret a thing, either,"

He let go of her hand and brought it up to her face, gently, tentatively, watching her eyelashes flutter as she fell into his touch, parted her lips in a sigh, shifting her flushed cheek against the palm of his hand.

When she found the strength to look at him again, his dark stare made her entire body shiver.

"What are the ground rules for this part?" he asked, his raspy voice falling into a low whisper.

She tilted her head, the intensity of his stare boring into her as her tongue tingled with the anticipation of what was to come, "Discreet, but blissful?"

"I can do that," and Austin's lips met Jade's naturally.

They were slow at first, careful, precise, every more anticipated and calculated, like retracing their steps. Austin worked his hips over hers gently, laced with need, kissing her just like he had in the elevator, in his living room.

Jade brushed his hair back form his face, sighing softly when his hand came down on her thigh too, the heat of his touch seeping through her tights. He filled her senses, his sharp cologne, his touch, everything seeking to remind her of how he consumed her.

As Jade began to draw away, Austin drew her in for another peck or two, smirking against her mouth, the two of them taking a deep breath to allow the gravity of the moment sink in before they opened their eyes to each other again.

They drank and dined merrily for the rest of the evening, catching up on the sporadic and they incoming ongoings they both had coming up. The trailer or photos for Elvis hadn't even come out yet, and Jade loved watching Austin talk about the project, even if it was just for a moment. There was this flicker of fear in his eyes, spawning form the fact that he prayed he did the King himself right, and yet that fear was intertwined by this bubbling excitement as he recounted some more onset mishaps and how -- surprise, surprise -- Tom Hanks was human, just like everyone else.

It was just before closing time the pair decided it was time to leave, heading out into the brisk, somewhat emptier street. Austin had his arm linked with Jade's, wandering aimlessly in front of the building as they waited for their Uber. Jade was leant up between the brick wall and Austin's shoulder, trying to will away her nerves that were evident in her constant fidgeting.

They took the car back to his place, he was closer than she was anyhow. It was a moderate house obscure enough that it wouldn't draw attention from any fan mobs or paps looking to make their next mark, but it was a beautiful Spanish style home with fresh white walls, rustic roof tiles, and a pool in the back discreetly hidden by the hedges and palm trees.

It was somewhere around midnight as they sat on the quaint back patio, the reflection of the aforementioned pool casting brilliant patterns across their surroundings. Another bottle of wine sat between them, only partially touched this time as they got lost in conversation again and again, regaining comfort around each other now.

"I'm thinking of adopting of a rabbit," she admitted.

"I thought you would have already?" Austin queried.

"Haven't thought about it much until now," Jade shrugged, "They're clean, they're good to travel... have I mentioned that?"

"Once or twice," he nodded, "I told you: a rabbit would suit you nicely,"

She smiled endearingly, looking out over the pool surface, "You want to get a pet?" she asked.

"I don't know. I used to have a dog,"

"I remember,"

"They're just a lot of work," he sighed, "I'm not sure I have the time to devote to one right now,"

"That's okay. You'll know when you're ready," she assured him, "Meanwhile... if you want to come down to the SPCA and pick out a rabbit with me...?"

He chuckled under his breath, "You know if I go with you, I'm gonna' see the dogs and I'm gonna' have to take one home," he pointed out.

Jade scoffed, "Like you with a puppy would be the worst thing in the world," she replied, "I'll help you take care of it,"

"Really?" he popped a brow.

"Sure. Only if you take care of my rabbit,"

"I'll take that deal,"

Jade's fingernails tapped mindlessly against the patio table, her dark red polish matched the varnished wood so perfectly. Austin watched her, still in somewhat disbelief that he was here with her, sitting in the patio with a pool he suddenly had and they rambled on about the most random things. It didn't feel real, but he felt so relaxed, so elated to have her back, even if it wouldn't be for too long, Austin knew he would take anything he could get.

She turned her gaze to meet his, blushing gently when she noticed him watching her, "What're you thinking about?" she asked softly.

He didn't want to tell her, he felt like he'd just be repeating himself over and over until she'd be sick of him. His gaze then turned onto the pool, an intrusive thought entering his head and suddenly inspiring him.

"I have an urge to jump into the pool," he remarked, "I haven't done that in a while,"

Jade simpered, "So, what's stopping you?" she asked.

"My overall dignity, I guess," he shrugged.

"Dignity is so 2019," and she nodded her head towards the pool, "You wanna?"

"Really?" he couldn't read whether she was being serious or not.

At that, Jade stood up, smoothing her hands over the wrinkles in her skirt, "Yeah. Why not?"

He stood up too and followed her to the pool, they kicked off their boots and stood at the edge. Austin glanced at her again, searching for either reassurance or a facetious smirk.

"You sure?" he asked again.

"We're only young once, right?" she replied, a coy smile at her lips now.

"She said to the thirty-year-old man,"

"You're not old. We'll go on three, okay?"

He stared down into the water, tantalizingly cool from the looks of it. He was suddenly filled with a rush of excitement, adrenaline searing through him as he was suddenly looking forward to what they were about to do.

"Okay,"

"One... two... three --" Austin leapt in before the last number could leave her. In an instant he was plunged into immediate cold, a shock to his system and sobering him up almost instantly.

He broke through the surface, snuffling water out of his nose and pushing his sopping hair back. However, he was perplexed when he rubbed the water from his eyes and saw Jade still standing on the edge of the pool, bone dry. He glared at her as she began to laugh.

"Okay, well what was the point in that?" he asked begrudgingly.

"I'm sorry," she giggled, though not seeming all that apologetic as she watched him tread water. He looked like a wet seal, pouting up at her with his big eyes, "I just... I had to. That was too fun to watch,"

"Jesus," he shook his head, muttering under his breath. He felt a little silly, but he couldn't complain that much either. After all, the view of her from the pool wasn't too bad, "Well, since I'm already here, would you like to join me or do I have to get out and throw you in myself?" he asked.

Jade giggled some more, stepping back shyly, and her hands came to pull up the hem of her sweater. His gaze was fixed to her, almost in disbelief as she shed off her clothes, revealing her beautiful skin and the contours of her body beneath, leaving her just in her bra and underwear. She maintained a calm exterior, though if anybody had asked, Jade was shaking like a leaf on the inside.

She took a running start before she cannonballed in, sending more water splashing over him though Austin didn't have a care in the world. She emerged a moment later, the shock of the water sobering her too just a little, though the excitement buzzing through her was too much for her bare. Nevertheless, she swam over to meet him.

"Hi,"

"Hi,"

"I'm sorry I tricked you," she muttered with a small laugh.

Austin hummed, amused with her wet hair, the droplets of water twinkling in her eyelashes. He could feel himself begin to pulse as his eyes traced every inch of her, from the freckles on her nose to the lacy green material hugging her hips.

"Mmm. You should be," he moved towards her teasingly slow, his voice dropping to that lower octave that had her head spinning, "But I could think of a few ways you could make it up to me,"

She couldn't fight the way his words made her chest flutter, how warm and inviting he was in spite of the water. Not to mention the idea of fucking in a pool excited her.

"Hm. So can I,"

It was had been six long months since she was before him like this, so vulnerable and tempting. She could pick out the contours of his broad chest through his shirt, she was anxious to pop those slippery buttons away and press herself against him. All either of them could do was float there, eating up the tension simmering, eyes locked together. It felt like an eternity almost when Austin began to move forward, his eyes slipping shut as he went to kiss her.

Jade however was still feeling a little playful.

Just as their lips were about to touch, she submerged herself under the water, swimming back so she was a few feet away. Austin's eyes opened as he was met with nothing, perplexed and still entertained to find her at the edge of the pool, an innocent gleam twinkling in her eye.

"What're you doing?" his voice was deep, curious, egging her on to play some more.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she shrugged back. After all, it was always more fun to make them work for it.

"Sure," he swam towards her, coming to the more shallow part of the pool so he could stand up, now towering over her, "Is this fun for you?"

She resisted the urge to laugh, almost mocking him as she pouted, "I seriously -- I don't know what you mean. I'm right here," she placed her hands on his chest, fingers toying wit his buttons to tease him further.

"Okay," he reached for her again, however she pushed off from the pool floor and tried to swim away again. She wasn't fast enough this time as he grabbed her by her hips and held her fast against him. She yelped delightedly as his fingers dug into her skin and he came down to whisper against her ear, "Behave yourself, or I might make you scream for real..."

With her last drop of courage hanging by a thread, Jade licked a long stripe up the side of his neck, "Try me,"

It was then the proverbial damn broke loose. Lips met teeth and tongue, hands found home wherever they were able to. The desire within the both of them was equally matched, neither one could bare to let go for a second.

Jade's fingers were plucking away the buttons down his shirt, pushing the material off and losing it somewhere in the water without care. His long fingers were at her hips, sliding down to grasp her butt as Austin took the opportunity to place sloppy kisses from the corner of her mouth, to her cheek, to her jaw, cascading all the way down to her neck, refamiliarizing himself with every crevice and freckle on her body.

She was already in bliss, his touches, his kisses were more certain, confident, reigniting the fire in her belly. She was at a loss for words when he started sucking at her collar bone, teeth biting down gently across her skin and she wrapped her legs around his waist, needing him to be closer than he already was.

The next thing she knew Austin had her sitting on the ledge, her legs spread so he stood between them. His mouth never left her chest and his hands slipped around her back to snap off her bra.

"Fuck..." he took a moment to breathe, to savour the moment, so purely captivated by how pretty she was, blissed out already and her radiant eyes were blown with lust.

Jade couldn't help the blush in her cheeks, her mind flickering for some semblance of sanity as she too savoured being here with him, so vulnerable like this but trusting him openly, "Take a picture, why don't you?" she teased.

His chuckle was dark as his hand toyed with her nipple, "Don't tempt me," and then his lips wrapped around the other, his deft tongue rolling the small bud around and around. Jade sighed, her chest arched forward and her eyes slipped shut. One hand was locked behind her, keeping her propped up while her other hand carded. through his wet hair, all she could feel was Austin overwhelming her like nothing else.

Meanwhile, his free hand came down to her hip, pulling away at her lace panties fervidly. He stepped back as Jade took the lead and slipped them off, now fully naked and beautiful before him. His cock was already twitching, the mere sight of her had him grasping hastily at threads of self control. She hadn't even touched him yet, not in the way he needed, anyhow.

She bit down on her lip, "Super random but... no one can see us, right?" she pointed to the wall of shrubbery to her right, "Like, neighbours or..."

"It's just us," he assured her, coming back to step between her legs, "Just you and me,"

She liked the sound of that, tilting her head up, "Just you and me," she nodded, "And maybe God,"

Austin always admired her sense of humour, no matter what circumstances they found themselves in. They didn't have to take themselves too seriously, and that took immense pressure off of his shoulders.

"I don't think God minds giving us a moment," with a lustful smirk hanging off his sassy retort, he slipped further down into the pool so he could slide his tongue up her slit. He was slow, calculative, ensuring he could taste every part of her first as he gradually sped up.

The arm keeping Jade propped up relented, sliding across the terra cotta tile until she was laying flat on her back. She could feel his fingers slip within her now, spreading her for him so he could find all of the sensitive spots, and she squirmed for him like a worm on the end of a fishing hook. He ate her like a man starved, she was a delightful treat for him as she withered and moaned, rutting her hips against his tongue.

"Austin -- fuck," she whimpered softly, whining and writhing as her only point of leverage was her hand scratching over his scalp, just egging him on more and more. His tongue slipped into her, picking up her arousal to spread over her neglected clit, and his licking turned to harsh sucking, "Fuck!"

Austin opened his eyes, seeing her now laid out before the heavens and stars. He couldn't resist pulling himself out of the water, still rubbing her clit at a steady pace as he crawled over her. He winced as some pebbles and flecks of sand dug into his knees, but right now he couldn't give a shit.

The cold water dripping over her was a shock, only adding fuel to the fire though as his tongue ran over her breast, sucking and marking before moving to her neck. His fingers were rocketing her to the limit, she was a mess of moans and gasps and watching her come apart for him was a pure fucking delight.

Jade couldn't form any words, pleasure skyrocketed up her spine and down her toes, the warmth in her stomach enveloping the rest of her body like an earthquake. His lips were on hers before she could comprehend, feeling her shake beneath him, further driving his own lust for her as he took her to her high.

She gasped as though air had been stolen from her, her legs shook, her wet hair tangled beneath her head as pleasure coursed through her body. Austin kissed her neck gently, his fingers ceasing their pleasurable torture, easing her back down to Earth.

Austin was at a loss, torn between wanting to fuck her himself or make her do that again. Watching her come apart, knowing he made her lose control so fervidly, it was addictive.

"Holy shit," she finally breathed.

Austin couldn't help but laugh, stroking his thumb gently over her cheek, "Are you okay?"

She nodded, pliant and breathless, though her own pleasure couldn't deter her from slipping her hand down to his pants and undoing the zipper, "You're overdressed again," she spoke softly despite her hazy smirk.

His eyes narrowed at her, amusement laced within, "My apologies," he spoke lowly, rolling off of her so he could slip his pants off. Jade rolled over onto her stomach and stretched out across the tile, almost cat-like in her movements. She watched him undress, pealing off his wet boxers and freeing himself and she blushed when she met his gaze.

Adorable, he thought, "Do I say it?"

"What?" she queried.

"Take a picture," he grinned mockingly.

Jade rolled her eyes, "Nope," she shook her head like a brat, "You're taking too long, though,"

Austin moved over her, tasting the hint of chlorine and sweat on her back as he ghosting his lips across her skin. His body was warm against her back, soft lips ghosting over her neck and his erection pressed into her butt. She yelped when he suddenly brought his hand down on one of her cheeks.

"Listen, if you want to act like a brat, then I'll treat you like one," he rubbed the sting out afterwards.

She was a little taken aback at first, though Jade couldn't deny she was intrigued by this side of him. She glanced at him over her shoulder, "Well, when you put it like that, I should do it more," she teased.

His instinctive rebuttal was a soft bite into her shoulder, gripping her hips firmly and slipping into her from behind, "Try me," he whispered in her ear.

Austin was a tentative little at first, rocking back and forth within her and building up his rhythm. She was tight and silky around him and he wanted to savour this as much as he could. They groaned out together, pleasure shooting between them, slick skin sliding against slick skin and cold tile. Their body heat was contrasted greatly by the soft breeze sending prickly chills over them.

"Fuck..." he grunted, adjusting his hands on her hips and sliding into her over and over again, his motion quick and sharp. Jade couldn't keep herself propped up, her nails scratched against the terracotta, the pressure that had fizzled out moments ago was building up within her gut again and it was coming fast.

The air around them filled with the sound of sex, the thoughts of neighbours about didn't occur to either of them as heavy pants and sweeter groans filled their ears. His cock slid in and out of her swiftly, leaving them both so lost in pleasure the rest of the world fell away. All Jade could do was take it, the pleasure overwhelming and making her head spin.

"Come with me, Jade," he grunted in her ear. He knew how close she was, hearing her whimper and gasp out -- whine after whine, and his hand slipped under her to find and play with her clit. He moved his fingers faster and faster, feeling her clench tightly around him, he only had moments to comprehend as he pushed deeper and deeper, and he felt her come around him. Her high was chased by his, his body shaking and his limbs becoming gelatinous as he thrusts became sloppy.

Jade collapsed beneath him; she felt like rubber and her body felt heavy. Tired, oversensitive, but Austin laid on top of her, still buried deep within and she felt so deliciously claimed. The stubble over his chin scratched pleasantly over her skin as he pressed kisses to her back, and their fingers were interlocked together on the tile as neither could find the energy to move.

[nidailylife]

So is the pandemic over? Because i was under the impression that it is not.

Just a few minutes ago, i went into the kitchen for 1 last bite to eat before ending my all nighter, and suddenly my mom says "we're going to our extended family's house for Thanksgiving." The same family house, where the last time everyone got together for Xmas2021, a lot of them came away with Covid. I told my mom this was a bad idea, the pandemic is still going on, i didnt yet get the new variant booster yet, i heard cases were expected to rise this winter, etc. So I'm not going. Thankfully, she allowed it. But I'm so afraid of confrontation, especially against my parents, that there's nothing i can really do to stop her from doing whatever she wants. And she's already cooking for the potluck, so she seems pretty locked into attending.

I know i gave into some things recently that might give the impression that i may think, just as much as my mom does, that the pandemic is over. 2 months ago, i went to 2 funerals with my family. But that was mandatory, serious stuff! It wasnt a party for fun snd socializing, which would be the unnecessary frivolity that i consider a family holiday party to be. Then we gave out Halloween candy last month. I was still really iffy about handing out physical objects to kids during this continuing pandemic. But a cousin convinced me it was safe, because most people are vaccinated.

Well, my dad is not vaccinated! At all! He says he has a medical history of bad reactions to vaccinations, therefore he needs written authorization from his doctor before he could get the Covid vaccine, that his doctor never gave it, and he's not exactly eager to follow up for when that might change. Last time i talked to him about the vaccines, he was starting to sound a little like an antivaxxer. Yeek. I say this, because even if i get all vacvinated and feel safe for my own health, I'm always afraid of going outside, and bringing Covid back home to him. Even besides his vaccination status, he's already in two high risk groups: the elderly, and pre existing chronic illness (diabetes). And sure, despite all this, he still breaks quarantine pretty regularly to shauffer my mom and tag along to her social butterfly things, and he hasnt seemed to have caught Covid yet. But i cant go tempting his fate myself! It's 1 thing that i can't stop my parents from doing whatever they want to do. I've always been too paralyzed by confrontation, especially vs them. But it's another thing for me to exasperate their risks with my own actions. I dont want to do that!😭

On top of that, i was a germaphobe and socially anxious, even before the pandemic. And maybe i dont want to unnecessarily break quarantine for those reasons too. But even aside from the pandemic, there are problems with springing these sudden party plans on me, on the same day, with no prep. This morning was the first i heard of us going anywhere for Thanksgiving! No heads up, for me to fix my flipped sleep patterns, so I'd be awake enough to attend. No heads up for me to mentally prep, when she knows i have a lot of social anxiety. Not even a heads up in terms of just basic calendar planning! This is crazy.

Then add on top that she told me this morning that "it [the Covid pandemic] is over" ...and she wants to breaks quarantine, at a big gathering (since our extended family is numerous), that already has a recent history of infecting lots of our family with Covid...and all because she wants to socialize????? I know she's very social and extroverts go crazy without socialization. But she talks on the phone with her friends everyday! In extended calls! This is an unnecessary risk.

And I'm too tired from my all nighter to deal with this.

Maybe i can plant doubt into their minds about staying long at the party. Maybe i can convince my dad to just drop off my mom instead of him attending himself. I dunno... I'm tired.

[senseiwu]

Hmm there's a music school near my house... I might try picking up singing lessons again....

[paragonrobits]

the other day i was thinking about how apparently it was a huge thing in the family that for YEARS, my dad was convinced that my mom was cheating on him with my uncle (who was something of a superstar in the family; he was a Green Beret, he did a bunch of cool stuff, he was the dependable guy everyone liked, and my dad loved him as much as the rest of the family but i also suspect he had something of an inferiority complex towards him) and that I, specifically, was the result of that, if not all his kids

no one took this seriously at all, especially not my mom, who was adamant she never did cheat on him. her specifically attitude about it whenever he brought it up was ‘what? No. shut the fuck up already’

like obviously my dad was that specifically kind of authoritarian who had a massive insecurity problem in general and his way of dealing with it was constantly projecting on everyone else and trying to dominate things in a very bullying way; if you did ANYTHING that even slightly implied an insult to his pride he would flip out and give really extreme punishments on the slightest pretext. it never amounted to anything because my mom would immediately rescind and tell him to grow the fuck up already but

in particular i feel that he was especially harsh on me. i was the middle child so i probably got a lot of that ‘old enough to have to have responsible but too young to be treated with respect’ but in a lot of ways, as the firstborn son in the family, i also got a lot of him projecting onto me and trying to get me to do traditional Boy Stuff, which never worked out well for anyone. he wanted me to play football or other sports: i hated physical stuff and didn’t want to hang out with people or do team things, i wanted to stay indoors and read. i got the impression that he resented me for not being the traditional son and my mom told me a few times that he thought i might be gay (since he subscribes to that particular conservative attitude about orientation) and apparently a few times he talked big about disowning me over it and she threatened to straight up put him in a shallow grave if he ever even THOUGHT about it

so anyway my point here is that i think he was probably a lot quicker to blow up at me in particular because for a long time he was convinced i was his brother’s illegitimate child, and over the least decade or so he’s dropped this idea and treated me fine, but that might be attributed to the woman he wound up permanently with after he divorced my mom being a good influence on him, but the fact that I was unconventional was a big problem for him. he’s claimed i was Normal before i got vaccines and it Made The Autism Happen, and when he told me this i busted out laughing but didn’t bother to argue with him about it, since it is ALSO family fact that I didn’t speak a word until i was 5 and then i spoke perfectly normally, with better diction and wordplay than some of the adults in the family, and when someone asked me why i never said anything i just said ‘I didn’t have anything to say’

[crystalninjaphoenix]

Similarities

Switch AU

A JSE Fanfic

Y’know I realize there hasn’t been that much advancement of the plot in this AU as of late. Sorry bout that. But hey, no story is all action all the time. And we get character development! In this, Jackie stays over with JJ and Marvin, and talks with the latter about some...experiences. Emotions are involved. Two characters grow closer. Stuff like that. It was nice to write, so I hope you guys enjoy :)

More of this AU found here

“And then! And then Kristy gave me this bracelet. She gave one to all the girls in class, I mean, but look at it! It’s my favorite colors!” Michelle shook her wrist, causing her new red-and-yellow beaded bracelet to spin wildly around it. “And I’m the only one who got the star charms!”

Jackie smiled, leaning down to ruffle Michelle’s hair. “Sounds like a fun last day of school.”

“It was! And now we’re on holiday, and that’s always great!” Michelle flopped down onto her back, now laying on the living room floor, and looked up at her dad sitting on the sofa with wide eyes. “And about holidays, what did you get me for Christmas?”

“I can’t tell you that! It’ll ruin the surprise!”

“I’ll like it anyway.”

Jackie laughed. “That’s probably true, but the surprise makes it even better. Why, is there something you really want?”

“Don’t worry, I already wrote my letter,” Michelle said proudly. “I gave it to Ren.”

“Oh that’s great!” Jackie said. Rama showed him the letter earlier; Michelle had included a detailed list of toys she wanted Santa to bring. “Right, I forgot they told me they dropped it off at the mailbox. They also said your writing is looking really good.”

“They did?!” Michelle beamed. “That’s so cool.”

Before Jackie could continue, the alarm on his phone went off. He dug it out of his hoodie pocket and turned it off, sighing. “Well, looks like I have to go now.”

“Aww.” Michelle’s happy expression turned to a pout as they sat up. “Can’t you stay more? I never see you anymore.”

“Sorry, sweetie, Dad has to go to work,” Jackie said regretfully. “But I’m really glad I stopped by before I had to.”

“Stupid work,” Michelle grumbled. She held out her arms. “Hug?”

Jackie bent over and gave her a hug, squeezing tight as he lifted her off the ground and onto her feet. “I’ll see you again later.”

“Bye, Dad.” Michelle waved as Jackie grabbed his coat and walked over to the front door, heading out.

It was a bit after noon, the sky partly cloudy. Jackie had taken to picking up shorter afternoon and evening shifts at the hospital. He was fine with taking more, but his boss still insisted he didn’t work as much, after the...ordeal he went through a few months ago. Part of him wondered if she was trying to get him to quit or something, but he wasn’t going to do that any time soon, so it was a misguided strategy if that was the case.

Rama was outside, trying to do yard work in their small front garden. Jackie stopped for a moment, watching. They quickly noticed and stopped, standing up straight and turning around to ask, “Enjoying the view?”

“Hey, I-I didn’t—I wasn’t—” Jackie stammered, blushing a bit. “You’re wearing a coat. I was just thinking it looked a bit difficult, pulling up dead weeds in the—in the hard winter dirt—”

“I know, Jackieboy,” Rama chuckled. “Leaving so soon?”

“Yeah,” Jackie said regretfully. “I already said goodbye to Michelle.”

Rama hesitated, then slowly asked, “Have you...thought about moving back in...any time? In the near future, I mean.”

Jackie paused, thinking about it as he turned to look over the house. It was so familiar to him. It was his home—or at least, it had been, up until...everything happened. And just being inside put him on edge. “You know...it’s not just that it’s ours, i-it’s any place that...sort of looks like the place where...” He trailed off. After all this time, he still hadn’t told Rama anything about Distorter. He wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t a good idea to keep secrets from your spouse. But just...something like that...it seemed like the more people knew about Distorter, the more they were pulled into this situation. They’d already lost Michelle for a bit, he couldn’t bear if...

“I understand,” Rama nodded. “But...we miss you. Even though you visit so often.”

“I know, I miss you too.” Jackie thought about it. “I—I still get pretty anxious, but I’m working on it. With Lisa.” That was his therapist. “Maybe sooner rather than later?”

Rama went silent, then clapped their hands once. “Okay. We’ll buy an apartment.”

“Wh-what?!” Jackie gasped. “Ramram, you can’t do that! It’s expensive, and we’re putting most of your book money towards Michelle’s education—Not to mention it’ll be a whole change, the move might be hard on Mich, especially if it’s too far away from the school and she has to transfer. And we’re in the suburbs because of the quiet for your writing—No, i-it won’t work out, I can’t make you two do that.”

After a moment, Rama slowly nodded. “If you’re sure. Take care of yourself, mi corazón. Do what’s best for you.”

Jackie walked over and gave Rama a quick squeeze of the hand. “I will. You do the same.”

They leaned close and kissed him on the cheek. “Have a good time at work.”

“Thanks. I mean, I’ll try. I’ll see you guys later.”

And with that, he headed over to his car and got inside. Before driving off, he waved at the house one more time. Rama waved back, standing in the yard, and Michelle did, too, watching from the front window. He kept looking at them as he pulled away.

——————— 

That evening, Jackie was driving back from work, tired after a long day, when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Who could be texting him now? Rama, maybe? Did they want to continue the conversation they had before he went to the hospital? Or maybe it was similarly important. Curious, Jackie pulled over to the side of the road and parked, taking his phone out to check it really quick.

The message was from JJ. Hey Jackie. Sorry, but it’s happened again.

Jackie knew what that meant. He unlocked the phone and replied, Marvin? Whats the problem this time? Symptoms?

Fever again. Sometimes coughing, no sneezing. I thought it was just a cold, but I think it’s getting bad.

Bad? Jackie asked, already worried.

Maybe I’m just paranoid. Thinking about that time he had to stay in the hospital last year. But I’d rather be safe than sorry. Can you pop over?

Jackie didn’t hesitate. Of course. I’ll be right there. But first, how long has he been sick?

JJ paused, probably thinking. Well it really only started the day before yesterday, but about a week ago he got a little sick. He was better by the next day, so I assumed that was it.

Yknow he mightve been pretending to be better?

If he was, I’m going to kill him, JJ immediately replied. 

Jackie let out a huff of laughter. Dont kill him before I get there. I’ll be there in ten minutes, tops.

Got it. Thanks.

He put his phone back in his pocket and pulled back onto the road. He really hoped it wasn’t a repeat of what happened last year. That situation had been...worrying. Stressful, even. Because Marvin hadn’t had any official paperwork, they couldn’t get him to the hospital right away, not until Anti could forge some stuff. Poor Marvin had to suffer through a lot before they got everything together. Luckily, they’d gotten him up-to-date with paperwork and vaccines since then, but even so, winter seemed to especially affect his health.

It was unlikely that this would be a similar situation, but just in case, Jackie stepped on the gas.

———————

He arrived at Marvin and Jameson’s house nine minutes later and hurried up to the front door, where he knocked and waited. Almost immediately the door swung open to show Jameson inside. So glad you could make it, he signed. I hope I didn’t message you at an inconvenient time.

“Huh? No, it was fine, I was heading back home, anyway.” Jackie stepped inside, and JJ closed the door behind him. “Is he in his room?”

Unless he left in the last minute, JJ said.

That might actually be a possibility, given Marvin’s attitude towards being sick. Jackie hurried down the hall to his bedroom. The door was closed, so he slowly eased it open and poked his head in. “Marvin? It’s me.”

The lights were off, and the dark room was filled with the sound of an electric fan whirring. Something moved on the bed—probably Marvin rolling over. “Y’got t’be more specific. ‘Me’ coul’ be anyone,” he mumbled.

“It’s Jackie.” As he said this, Jackie reached over and flipped on the light switch, so Marvin could see him as well as hear.

“Ah!” Marvin squeezed his eyes shut against the sudden brightness. “Jackie? Huh. Come for a visit..? No, wait...y’here for somet’ing?”

“Yeah, I’m just uh...stopping by for a bit.” Jackie took a step into the room, JJ following shortly behind, and walked over to the bed. “How are you feeling?”

“‘M fine. Jus’ grand.” Obviously, this was not the case. Marvin was sweating enough to make his hair damp, and his skin had a sickly pallor. But despite how hot he seemed, he was shivering, and had the comforter on the bed pulled up. Mr. Fluffington was sitting next to the pillow, purring furiously. Marvin reached over and petted him for a moment before flinging his arm over his face and covering his eyes. “Ev’ryt’ing’s Jake.”

“Yeah. Um...clearly not.” Jackie looked over at JJ. “Can you go get the—”

Already anticipating what he was going to ask for, JJ walked over to the nearest chair and picked up their first aid kit, coming back over to hand it to Jackie.

“Oh. Thanks.” Jackie took it and started rummaging about inside. “Marv, I’m going to take your temperature, do you mind?”

“A-ha. So it’s a fuckin’...fucking’ check-up I get it...” Marvin trailed off into mumbling under his breath, but didn’t protest as Jackie pulled out the thermometer and took his temperature. After it was done, he rolled over onto his side, practically burying his face in Fluffington’s fur.

Jackie looked down at the thermometer and frowned. 39.2 C...that wasn’t good. Wasn’t good at all. “Marvin? How do you really feel? Like...on the fatigue scale, where would you be?”

Marvin looked back over at him, head rolling lazily. “Hmm...se-seven? Seven and a half?”

“You have a really high fever. Is there anything else, like a headache or something?”

“Well...” Marvin paused to think. His eyes were a bit glazed. “T’ere’s a tickle in my throat. Won’ go ‘way. My nose is all stuffy. Felt a bit sick...sick like...the stomach issues sick. Couldn’ eat anyt’ing ‘cause...bad.”

Jackie glanced over at JJ, hovering nearby. I can second that, JJ said. He didn’t have dinner.

“Alright. It’s probably just a cold,” Jackie said. Yet a note of uncertainty remained in his voice. “A bad one, but you’ll probably be fine.”

So what do we do then? JJ asked.

Jackie hesitated. “Well...” His instincts were telling him not to take any risks, to stay and make sure everything stayed fine. “Given past experiences, is it okay if I spend the night? Just to keep an eye on things.”

“Wha...?” With a fair amount of effort, Marvin sat up. “No, don’ stay over, you’re...you’re prob’ly all busy. Ye jus’ said it was alrigh’.”

“Alright...for now,” Jackie said darkly. “Right now you’re on the edge of ‘a bad cold’ and ‘a serious issue.’ Things could easily get worse in the night, but by tomorrow, it’ll be clear if this is the worst it’ll get or...if there’s more.”

JJ’s expression was filled with anxiety. Is there anything I can do to help?

“Yeah. Get him to take his shirt off.”

Marvin snorted. “Whoa, Jackie, you know Jems and I aren’...aren’ a pair. Not t’at type of pair.”

Jackie rolled his eyes. “Seriously, you need to change your shirt. I know your feelings on short sleeves, but this is making your fever worse.” He turned back to JJ. “Anyway, you know what else. Ibuprofen, water, all that. You already got the fan on, that’s good.”

JJ nodded seriously. Got it. You really want to stay over?

“Well...better safe than sorry, you know? If it starts to go bad, I can recognize it, and we can get him to the hospital really quickly. Is...is it okay?”

Of course it is! You can stay whenever, but especially in this situation. You’re the doctor, after all. JJ smiled gently.

Marvin groaned. “Fffffine, Jackie can stay.”

Jackie smiled a bit at Marvin’s acceptance. But really, him not protesting more was a sign of how bad he felt. At this point, he probably recognized that he needed help, and it wasn’t worth the struggle. “Great. I’ll just have to call Schneep and tell him what’s going on, so he doesn’t get worried when I don’t show up at the flat. But right now, where do you keep the Ibuprofen?”

———————

Marvin and Jameson’s town house didn’t have a guest bedroom, so Jackie had to set up in the living room. Luckily, they did have lots of spare pillows and blankets. But Jackie wasn’t going to sleep right away. He was staying over to keep an eye on things, so that’s what he did. First, by making sure Marvin actually changed clothes into something cooler and more lightweight. Then, by teaming up with JJ to make sure Marvin actually ate dinner. He still didn’t have much of an appetite, but between the two of them, they convinced him that he needed the energy. Oh, and water. He needed lots of water.

In the meantime, Jackie watched some YouTube videos on his phone to pass the time. JJ offered to lend him a book, but Jackie turned him down. He wasn’t in the mood to read, and besides, it would probably take him days to finish with his new work schedule. Every so often, he got up and went into Marvin’s bedroom to check on him. Maybe too often. Marvin quickly got annoyed, though he didn’t have the energy to snap at him.

“Hey, do you need anything?” Jackie asked on perhaps his fifth check-in.

“I need...t’not be so hot,” Marvin replied, a faint note of sarcasm in his voice.

“Do you feel worse?” Jackie asked. “Maybe you need to take off the blanket?”

“No.” Marvin briefly buried his face in the pillow before realizing that he couldn’t breathe like that, not while his nose was all congested. “‘f I take off the...the blanket, then ‘m too cold.”

“Ah. Well, maybe a thinner one, then? Here, lemme take your temperature again.”

Marvin didn’t say anything, just allowed the temperature-taking and the blanket-switching. Then he rolled over and closed his eyes, presumably falling asleep immediately.

JJ bounced between being on his computer, being upstairs in his magic workroom, and checking up on and bringing things to Marvin. He constantly seemed distracted, unable to commit to one course of action. Jackie couldn’t blame him. His best friend was sick, and there was a distinct possibility that he could get worse and would need to go to the hospital. Anyone would wander around, unsure what to do.

One time, JJ came into the living room with his laptop and sat down, writing. “What’re you doing?” Jackie asked.

JJ looked up. Work stuff. A lot of emails, mostly.

“Ugh. Work emails.” Jackie shook his head. “Y’know half the time the emails I get aren’t even relevant to me. It’s like ‘Notice: thing in the operating room’ and I’m like ‘you do know I’m just a GP, right? And for kids, too, right?’ Like, I think I’ve been in the operating room twice.”

JJ chuckled weakly. It’s a bit different for me. I have to coordinate rehearsals and effect supplies, book venues, and generally manage and schedule a bunch of people.

“Really? What about your manager? What’s her name, uhhh...Darla? Doesn’t she do that stuff?”

Sort of. It’s like a joint effort. I’m technically in charge, though, so I at least have to approve everything.

Jackie shook his head. “I could never do that. Too much. How do you manage?”

I was a theatre kid, JJ said, shrugging with a half-smile on his face.

“Does having actual magic help?”

Not really, not with all the organizational stuff. If anything, it can make things more complicated, as I have to figure out a trick that I can use with real magic but cover up with tricks and effects. JJ sighed. I really need this to go well, Jackie. It’s the first show since my voice was damaged, it has to work out.

Jackie smiled at him. He leaned over from his position on the sofa and put a hand on JJ’s shoulder, which he could barely reach as JJ was sitting in a different chair. “You’ll do great. Your shows have always been fantastic, and the voice thing isn’t going to change that.”

JJ smiled a bit. Thanks, Jackie. Glad to know you think so.

“We all do. We belieeeeve in youuuu.”

JJ laughed a bit, and returned to his emails.

Eventually, night came. JJ wrapped up his work and reluctantly headed to bed, not wanting to leave Marvin alone and sick. But Jackie assured him that it would be fine. He would be staying up, and if Marvin wanted to talk to JJ specifically, he could go wake him up. Or Marvin could text him. Mostly reassured, Jameson went upstairs to sleep, leaving Jackie awake in the living room.

Jackie checked on Marvin a couple times more, but found him asleep. Exhausted from all the fatigue he was feeling. Good. If he slept well, he’d probably be better in the morning, and they could all relax when it turned out to be a terrible cold, and nothing more.

Watching YouTube videos eventually got boring, so Jackie decided to plug his phone in to charge and do something else for a bit. As it turned out, Mr. Fluffington was still awake as well. So Jackie found a laser pointer in a table drawer in the living room and played with him for a bit. Until, after a while, Fluffington got tired of the red dot, and even the cat went to bed.

Bored again, Jackie put the laser pointer back. He was considering JJ’s offer of lending a book to read, and was looking over the titles of the ones on the living room bookshelves, when he heard...something. Some sort of distant sound. He paused, going still as he listened.

For a while, nothing happened, and everything was silent. But then, he heard it again. A voice? Someone saying something? Maybe it wasn’t words, but instead just sounds...distressed sounds. After a few moments of listening, Jackie realized with a start that the voice was coming from down the hall. The direction of Marvin’s room.

Something must have been wrong. Immediately, Jackie unplugged his phone and pocketed it—just in case—and headed down the hall, half-running. He reached Marvin’s door soon, finding it closed. He didn’t hesitate to open it and step inside. “Marvin?! Is everything okay?”

The room was dark again, pitch black in the night. The fan was off. Strange, it was on last time Jackie was in here. Had Marvin woken up and turned it off? That didn’t matter. He could clearly hear Marvin, crying out and whimpering. Jackie flicked the light switch on and walked over. “Marvin? What’s wrong?”

Marvin didn’t answer, just kept mumbling and crying, sounding frantic. Then, Jackie noticed his eyes were closed. Ah. So he was asleep. Having a nightmare. And a bad one, by the looks of it. His blankets and even his shirt were all twisted around him, which only upset him more, as he seemed to be trying to fight against them. Jackie reached out and put a hand on his head, then immediately pulled it away. He was so hot, the fever burning him up. Jackie turned the fan on and checked the bedside nightstand for anything else. There was a half-empty glass of water and a damp cloth. That would work.

He picked up the damp cloth and tried to put it on Marvin’s head. But Marvin cried out and yanked his head away, shouting...something. Jackie couldn’t quite catch it, but he thought he heard ‘go away’ and ‘don’t want your help.’ “Marvin, it’s me. I-I want to—can you wake up? Wake up, it’s fine.” He reached out to try and untangle the blankets.

That turned out to be the wrong thing to do. Marvin started flailing wildly, tossing, turning, kicking, waving. The blankets restricted his movement, but it was still enough to make him roll off the opposite side of the bed. “Marvin!” Jackie leaned over the bed. “God damn it. I’ll get you, don’t worry.”

As he walked around to the other side, he stopped for a moment. The edge of the blankets were tucked into the gap between the mattress and the footboard. Jackie pulled them out, letting the blankets go free. That made them somewhat less restrictive, but it also meant that Marvin, still moving and struggling, ended up wrapping them loosely around his legs. Which...actually probably didn’t help in the long run. Well, too late now. Jackie knelt down on the ground next to Marvin. “Hey, calm down, it’s fine,” he said, trying to sound soothing as he went about untangling the blankets around him.

It took longer than he expected. Marvin kept wriggling and flailing, but still had his eyes firmly shut as he remained asleep. Jackie tried to wake him up, but to no avail. And he kept muttering the whole time, occasionally whimpering or crying out as if in pain. His words ran together, slurred by sleep-talking, but some distinct phrases popped up: “Get away!” “Don’t you dare...” “Leave me alone!” “...don’t want it.” “Don’t want you.” It hurt Jackie’s heart to hear. Was it the fever causing this nightmare? Or something more?

After a good few minutes, he freed the blankets, leaving them on the floor as he tried to pick up Marvin. Again, the struggling made this difficult. Marvin actively tried to push him away at times...though that mostly turned into him weakly slapping Jackie’s face and arms. But Jackie was determined, and managed to get Marvin back on top of the mattress. Once there, Marvin gave up and went limp, lying there still. Jackie sighed in relief and pressed his hand to his head. Still hot, and his pale skin was damp with sweat. He should wake him up soon, get him to drink some water to replace what he lost with all the sweat. But first, he picked up the damp rag again, using some of the water from the glass to wet it more and make it cooler. He laid the cloth across Marvin’s forehead.

The moment he did, something...unusual started to happen. Marvin whimpered, turned his head to the side, and started to cry. Tears leaked from his eyes as he quietly sobbed and continued to mumble something. The words had changed. Now, Jackie could hear a lot of “No” and “Please don’t” over and over and over. As he listened, stunned, these were broken up by adding “I’m sorry” and “I’ll be good” to the mix, which only shocked him further.

“God. Marvin,” he whispered to himself. No more waiting, he had to wake him up now. He couldn’t handle the thought of leaving him to whatever horrible nightmare he was having. “Marvin, wake up. It’s me, it’s Jackie.” He leaned over and started shaking him. Gently at first, then gradually harder as that failed to wake him up. His voice slowly raised. “Marvin. Marvin! This is Jackie. You need to wake up!”

After what felt like ages, Marvin stopped mumbling. He groaned, and slowly opened his eyes, staring up at Jackie. At first, confused. Then slowly getting his bearings. He reached up and weakly grabbed at the damp cloth on his forehead until he managed to take it off. Then he tried to sit up, but gave up once the fatigue proved too heavy. “Whoa...” he muttered. “I...where...? When...?”

“You’re in your room. In the house you live in with Jameson,” Jackie explained patiently. “It’s...” He checked the time on his phone. “Ha, it’s midnight on the dot.”

“What...?” Marvin swallowed dryly. “What’s the date?”

“December 10th.”

“...the year?”

“2018.”

“Right.” Marvin nodded a bit, then stopped, looking a bit dizzy. Once again, he tried to sit up, and this time Jackie helped him prop himself against the headboard. “D’you...have any water?”

“Yeah.” Jackie grabbed the water glass and offered it to him. Marvin grasped it weakly, and Jackie only let go once he was sure he could hold it securely. 

Immediately, Marvin lifted the glass to his mouth and drank, draining the glass. “Th’nk you,” he said, handing it back.

“No problem,” Jackie said, taking it. “I can go get more, if you want. Colder, too.”

Marvin took a deep breath, looking unsure. Actually, he looked more than unsure. He looked...shaken.

“You were...having a bad dream,” Jackie said gently. “I-I could hear you making noise, talking and...shouting and...and crying. So I came to check on you. You were rolling around and fell off at one point, but now you’re awake. A-and you’re alright. You’re safe.”

Marvin stared at him for a while, then looked away and closed his eyes, taking another deep breath. Then, strangely...he laughed. “Bad dream,” he repeated. “‘Tis always a bad dream. T’at’s...only time I remember. Which ‘s...strange...isn’ it? T’at’s not how mem’ry works.”

“Remember?” Jackie blinked. “Remember what?”

A pause. Marvin opened his eyes, but didn’t look directly at Jackie. “If y’coul’...go get water I’d…’preciate it.”

“Do you mean...the time you were with him?” Jackie asked softly.

Marvin stiffened. “How’d you...?”

“How did I guess? I just...” Jackie looked down at his hands. He traced the scars on his wrists and shrugged. “It sounded...familiar.”

The silence that followed stretched on. Jackie was worried he’d overstepped some boundary and was about to leave, when Marvin pulled his knees up and gestured to the end of the bed, now clear without his legs there. “Sit down.”

Jackie sat. “Did I—do you not want to talk about it?”

“You...you r’member, righ’?” Marvin asked. “What happened...when you were with him?”

“Of course. I-I-I couldn’t forget.” Jackie laughed humorlessly. “It’s actually a problem, so much reminds me of it. I had to make Volt throw out his zip-ties, and put away his knives and half his cleaning stuff when I moved in with him, since just looking at them freaked me out. I mean, he’s taken them out again now. ‘Cause it’s a bit better. But I can’t...can’t go home, or into any house that’s even a bit similar to that place, can’t spend too much time inside...” He trailed off. “You...don’t remember anything?”

Marvin hummed, leaning his head back against the wall. “‘T’s strange for me. I don’...I don’ remember how I got here. To the...the ‘when,’ I mean. But I...I’m startin’ t t’ink that...he’s the reason for that.”

“Like...he brought you to the present?” Jackie asked.

“No.” Marvin shook his head a bit, but gave up, wincing a bit. Jackie guessed a headache or something that made the motion worse. “I don’ t’ink he coul’ do t’at. It...it doesn’ really fit him, or...or what he can do. Y’know? But...after I got here, however t’at happened, I...I t’ink I ran into him. A-an’ he decided someone so confused woul’ be an easy target.” He paused for a moment, just breathing. Jackie waited patiently. “I didn’...didn’ r’member any of t’is at first. I forgot ev’ryt’ing between bein’ home, and meeting Jems. But...when I go to sleep, I remember. In my dreams.”

“Well...that can happen sometimes,” Jackie said slowly. “Your brain can block out upsetting stuff. And having nightmares about what happened to you is a common trauma response. At least, that’s what I’ve been told.”

“No, no, I know t’at, but it’s...diff’rent for me,” Marvin insisted. “It’s all...too clear. Like it’s happenin’ for the first time. And...I know the dreams r’lly happened, because...I have scars...that match up.”

At that, Jackie glanced down at Marvin’s arms. He’d noticed the scars before, but hadn’t really thought too much about them. Maybe that said something about him as a friend. Or maybe he just didn’t want to pry. But they definitely existed. Most of them were short lines, probably caused by something sharp, but there were also a few burn scars on Marvin’s upper arms. They were all usually covered by his shirt. Jackie suddenly made a connection. “Is that why you always wear long sleeves?”

“Don’ t’ink so,” Marvin mumbled. “Everyt’ing I say, about proper dress and wantin’ t’keep to a routine and not wantin’ any random people grabbin’ my arm...that’s all true. But...maybe it is a reason, but I jus’ don’ realize it. Is that why you wear your jacket all the time now?”

“Hmm.” Jackie tugged at the cuffs of his hoodie. “No. I mean, it’s related. I just...” He paused, getting his thoughts together. “I didn’t have this while I was with him. I-I left it behind. Or...he did, when he showed up. So it’s just...a reminder that it’s all safe now.”

“Reminder,” Marvin repeated, and nodded, once. 

Jackie let out a long exhale. It was really easy to talk to Marvin about all this. He’d had to work up to sharing details like this with his therapist, but now, he was letting them spill. It must have been because he knew Marvin would understand. “I guess if you don’t remember anything, you don’t need a reminder. Right? Ha. I-I wish I didn’t remember.”

Marvin pressed a hand to his head, as if he could feel the empty spots where the missing memories were supposed to be. “I don’ know. I think...I think I’d rather jus’ know. Because...he must’ve done it. He must’ve made me forget. But...why? For what? What’s the purpose? Is there...somet’ing I still don’ know? T’at he wanted to keep secret?”

“Huh. I...didn’t think of that.” Jackie frowned. “You’re right.”

“T’ere’s a lot missing. I’ve dreamt about how...about how we met, but how’d I get out? I dreamt him takin’ my set of playin’ cards, but...why do I feel...they were so important? More t’an just bein’ mine, I mean. And what...what did I do?” Marvin said that last part in a hushed tone.

Jackie stared at him. Then he stood, took a few steps closer to Marvin, and sat back down on the bed, now next to Marvin. He leaned against the headboard instead of sitting on the edge, so the two of them were mirroring each other, side by side. It wasn’t particularly comfortable. The bed was narrow, so he had to sit very close to Marvin, still burning with fever. But...he wanted to. And Marvin didn’t protest. “If you did anything, it wasn’t your fault,” Jackie said softly. “You can’t...do anything in that state.”

Marvin rubbed his eyes. They were starting to water. “You...know?”

Jackie nodded silently.

Taking a shaky breath, Marvin asked, “What...h-how bad...were the things he...made you...?”

After a long moment, Jackie replied. “No one died. But...some were hurt. I think...if I stayed there any longer, it would’ve gotten worse.” He had to stop for a moment. He’d...never told anyone about that. “But it’s...it’s not our fault. It’s Distorter’s. We called him that because he distorts thought, a-and that’s exactly what he did. We aren’t those thoughts he put there, o-or the actions he caused.”

Marvin couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. He buried his face in his hands, but Jackie caught a glimpse of them flowing before he could hide them entirely. “I jus’...wish I coul’ remember.” A sob caught in this throat. “I remember feelin’ horrible, I remember screamin’ at him for what he made me do, I remember tryin’ to fight against it...but I don’ remember what I did. I t’ink...I might dream the memory one day. A-an’ I...don’ know...how I’ll react.”

Jackie leaned against him. Reaching up, he took Marvin’s wrist and slowly pulled his hand away from his face, revealing the tear stains and bloodshot eyes. “We aren’t those thoughts,” he repeated, quietly, but firmly. “Those actions weren’t us.”

Marvin stared at him. Then nodded. He looked away. “Will you...stay? For a while?”

“Of course.”

The two of them sat in silence for a long while, the night stretched before them.

——————— 

The next morning, Jackie woke up to the familiar sounds of someone making breakfast. He opened his eyes and sat up, wincing a bit at the ache in his side and neck. The sofa was clearly designed for sitting, not sleeping. He stretched to try and make it better, then stood and went into the kitchen.

JJ was the one cooking. He waved at Jackie, then asked him for help carrying food to Marvin, still in bed. Jackie agreed and the two of them went down the hall.

Marvin was awake. Sitting up, in fact, with Fluffington in his lap. He thanked the two of them for breakfast. While he ate, Jackie gave him a quick check-up, taking his temperature and asking him basic questions. The fever had distinctly died down, and Marvin reported that he felt really tired, but not nauseous, and he could breathe easier. Jackie and JJ were both immediately relieved.

“So it’s just a cold, then,” Jackie concluded, relaxing for the first time in a full day. “Sorry about all the trouble, you two.”

“Eh, better safe t’an sorry, right?” Marvin shrugged. “And ‘t was...nice to have you over.”

Jackie gave him a gentle smile. Then he said, “I’ll be going now, then. It was nice to be over, too. Though sleeping on the sofa kind of sucked.”

Well you’re wearing jeans, JJ pointed out.

“That’s not a problem, I sleep in jeans a lot.”

What?! JJ gasped, looking personally offended. Jackie, you didn’t tell me you were absolutely out of your mind! How can that be comfortable?!

Jackie laughed. “You get used to it.”

“No, ‘m with Jems on t’is one,” Marvin said, his words slightly muffled as he was speaking into his cup of apple juice.

“I used to take long night shifts at the hospital years ago, and I was so tired that I didn’t even bother to get into pajamas when I got home,” Jackie defended himself. “I mean, I don’t have night shifts anymore, but that’s still a leftover quirk.”

Marvin rolled his eyes. “Didn’ ye say you had to go?”

“Yeah, I told Volt I’d be back in the morning before he went to work at ten. I’ll tell him how you’re doing, by the way. Anti, too.”

“T’anks.” Marvin looked at him. “For...ev’ryt’ing. Be seein’ you.”

“Be seeing you,” Jackie repeated. “And thank you. Goodbye.”

JJ looked confused. He followed Jackie as he headed down the hall to the front door. Before he could leave, he asked, Did something happen?

“Oh. Uhh we had a talk last night,” Jackie said. “About some...serious stuff.”

Ah. I won’t pry, then, JJ said, backing off. Hey, Jackie. Thanks for coming over and staying and everything. I hope it wasn’t an inconvenience.

“It’s never an inconvenience to help a friend. Or, you know, even if there wasn’t a problem, I’d be happy to stay over any time.” Jackie laughed a bit. “Just gotta prepare a bit better next time. Get an air mattress.”

JJ smiled. Still, thank you. It...it really means a lot, you know? I’m sure Marvin’s glad you stop by to check on him when he’s sick, even when he protests. But remember to take care of yourself too, you know?

Jackie nodded. “Thanks, J. I will. But you have to remember that, too. I know you’re busy with your show and now Marvin’s sick and everything, but keep your stress levels down. You worry a lot about everyone else. Might spread yourself too thin.”

JJ sighed. It...has happened before. I’ll try.

“No, you won’t try. You will take care of yourself. Or let Marvin or one of us do it.”

Alright, I get the point, JJ smiled a bit. Hey, by the way, the show starts in January. Opening night is New Year’s Day, actually. You and Henrik and Anti can come see it for free, if you want. The families, too.

“I’ll keep it in mind,” Jackie said cheerfully. Rama and Michelle would probably like that. “I’ll see you later, then?”

See you later. Bye, Jackie.

“Bye, JJ.”

Jackie headed out, hurrying to his car, still parked where he left it last night. A few loose snowflakes started to fall from the sky as he climbed inside and turned on the heater. 

That was...a night. An unexpected one, but...one he needed. He reflected on it as he started to drive away. Then, he took the turn that would take him to Rama and Michelle’s house—his house. There was still time before he said he’d be back at Schneep’s apartment. He wanted to be with his family again.

[kickasstransdumbass]

My little brother has become some kind of fucking monster

My mom told him his gf couldn’t come into the house anymore because she’s not vaccinated and he’s immunocompromised, and he stood for an hour shouting and cursing at her, and when she didn’t give

He grabbed a small end table that my grandmother left us when she died (December 2020, Christmas Eve), and threw it across my moms room so hard that he broke it, and then he stormed away cursing and shouting at her.

When my mother tried to talk to him about it (although she was yelling and in tears, because that was her mother’s table he broke) he continued cursing at her and he flipped a small table in his own room as well.

So she tried to end the argument and walk away, being upset that he was acting like this and that he broke a precious item, he chased after her and continued cursing at her.

He’s fucking terrifying. He’s twenty, he shouldn’t be throwing physical temper tantrums when he gets upset, especially since he’s so so much bigger and stronger than both my mother and I.

I’m afraid we’re living with a toxic monster, end more than anything else I’m concerned for his gf. Because he uses her as an emotional crutch, he puts all his happiness on her and relies on her alone to make him feel better when he’s upset. I wouldn’t doubt that when or if she breaks up with him, he’ll hold his life over her head to keep her with him.

I thought this shit would be over when we kicked my dad out, but it appears that even though my brother never received abuse from my father, he’s continuing the cycle anyways

[josiebelladonna]

“i just wanna see a show again”

this sentiment annoys the absolute fuck out of me.

it reeks of entitlement, first off. ohhhh, you were in lockdown for 1.5 years and now you feel like you deserve to see someone because you got jabbed with a needle once or twice? boo hoo, poor you. every musician you want to see is doing it because they need money, not because it's safe for them or for you for that matter—there's only a small few of them who realize this, too, namely the men from testament and exodus, given chuck billy and gary holt both had the virus when the pandemic first started. everyone else is a blind follower to a system that sees them as expendable: the flip side is there's a faction of it all that doesn't seem to care about the danger that awaits them and they're riling up their fans and doting into this belief of “just seeing a show again”.

female fronted bands are probably the worst examples of this. they're all “we're ready to rock!!” and they're turning a blind eye all the while—not very feminist, if you ask me.

second, the vaccine works. absolutely. my mom and i got the moderna shot and it's been working wonders for the both of us; my dad and his girlfriend got the pfizer shot and it's been wonderful for them, too. now if i have to get a booster shot for the rest of my life to protect myself, my parents, and my nieces and nephews, i'll do it. but i also made a vow to wear my mask and keep my distance for the rest of my life because the cdc actually said from the beginning of distribution that you can be a carrier and not even know it. for some reason, the cdc themselves failed to recognize that anti vaxxers are everywhere in the states and thus they jumped the gun and everybody collectively forgot this as well.

complacency is as much an enemy as anti science.

so... it's hard for to me to feel sympathy for anyone who's like “get the vaccine!” and isn't the least bit worried that they can be a breakthrough case, or someone close to them can be. you cannot rely on the vaccine alone to save you, especially with these new mutations at the helm. it's a good idea, sure, i highly recommend it, and you're a damn fool if you refuse it, but it's not the be all, end all to the pandemic.

what calculations were accurate three weeks ago are obsolete now: you can't say only a small portion of it are breakthrough cases because they're still happening regardless of the rigid math equation. also, if there's absolutely anything i can take away from my years as a s.t.e.m. student, and having a grandfather who had his doctorate in nuclear science, it's that math equations are wildly inaccurate when applied to the real world. there are simply far too many variables at stake, including the passing of time.

third, and i didn't start seeing this until yesterday, either: the way this is phrased, with the word “just” in there, tells me that no one gives a fuck about the arts, which is so rich come to think of it. these are usually the same people who say “support the arts!” but they do the bare minimum to genuinely support them. they're the same people who bitch about sports and being active and all about supporting the arts, but when it comes to actually supporting them, they're a.w.o.l and treat them like just another hobby, not something that can be for someone's well being.

i've also changed a great deal since the pandemic started.

i don't even recognize myself from when the lockdowns went underway last march. when i found out pearl jam canceled their tour, my heart was broken... now, if someone from pearl jam is a breakthrough case, my heart will be even more broken. so i don't care about shows. i'm seeing dave matthews next month, but i'm not the least bit excited for the experience because i know dave, someone in his band, and someone behind the scenes is vulnerable to it.

i’m expected to be excited for that? fuck you.

we don't care about death. we don't care about life.

we just care about a show again.

fuck's sake, humanity.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #353

“well i’m a creep  /  i’m a weirdo  /  what the hell am i doing here?  /  i don’t belong here”

If you won an all-expenses paid trip to anywhere in the world for a one week vacation, where would you choose to go? For just one week, um... maybe South Africa, actually. Two weeks would probably be more ideal, but I've learned via my friend who worked with the KMP for a year that it's very isolating and you're very disconnected from society (also from the Internet, haha), but regardless, I REALLY wanna see the meerkats. Especially with the heat and all, one week might actually be all right. How often do you get notifications on your favorite social media site? That would be Facebook, and it really depends on how much I share that day. Sometimes I barely touch it, and sometimes I share a billion things and get a few notifications of people reacting. What’s something you’re actively trying to forget/care less about, if anything? Hi, have I told you about my breakup? What was the last encounter you had with a bug? Ugh, the fucking house is having an ant problem. Apparently, it's happened before here this time of year, so a couple times a days I find one on my arm or something and crush it. What is something considered “childish” that you still like or enjoy doing? I'm certain some people would consider RP childish, given it's essentially "make believe," and that's one reason I don't tell people about it. Name a song that you have a strong emotional connection to. Why is that song so important to you? The #1 song would be "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin. I've told why before and don't feel like doing it again. Is cannabis legal where you live? Nope, but it should be. How often do you walk your dog, if you have one? I don't have a dog. What is something you'd feel confident enough to give a presentation on? Me? Comfortable giving a presentation? Bitch please. Which CoVid vaccine did you receive, if any? I got Moderna. I wanted Pfizer, but supposedly they're the same thing, just different manufacterors. How do you feel you've made a difference in the world? I don't feel I have. But it's my goal in life to die feeling like I did. Do you eat any candies in a specific order? (ie: M&M's) I fucking read this as "candles" and was really confused. But anyway, yes, but not M&Ms; I only do that with candies that actually have unique tastes depending on color, like Skittles. What is one common childhood illness that you managed not to catch? I never got chickenpox. Is there an heirloom that has been passed down generations of your family? Probably, but I don't know about it. What is the most unique pet that you ever owned, or would like to? Hm. I'd say maybe a Chinese water dragon? People tend to not know what they are; they mistake them for iguanas all the time. Have you ever been in a bad car accident before? A bad one, no, but I've been in one, nevertheless. At the description of what happened though, the cop said we were extremely lucky we weren't flipped over. My mom's driving skill saved us. What is your favorite type of weather to experience? Snow! I like a steady pace of large flakes. Do you know your social security by heart? I don't, actually, but I did at one point. Now, I only know the last four digits. Would you move out your house if you could right now? Yes, even if we just moved here. Mom and I really, really don't like living in the suburbs. We miss being in the middle of nowhere. When is the last time you slept in someone else’s bed? Not since I last visited Sara's. Do you like being called baby? Not really. Like if it's from an s/o, it's all right, it's just really not my favorite. Have you ever slept in the same bed of the opposite sex? Yeah. When shopping at a grocery store, do you return the cart? I openly judge the fuck out of you if you don't. Do you think you would survive in the wilderness if you were abandoned there? I know I couldn't. Not in my shape. If you had a child at the age you’re at now, do you think you’d be a good parent? God, no. Do you eat your Oreos with milk? Yes. I strongly prefer them that way. Do you think French kissing is gross? I mean in concept I think it indisputably is, like even if you brush your tongue, it's still just... gross. But that doesn't mean I'm against it at all or won't do it when I love somebody. It's an "I accept you and your germs" thing, haha. Are you wearing make-up? What brand(s)? No. I pretty much never wear makeup anymore, even to take pictures. The last male you spoke to…is he attractive? That would be my psychiatrist, and I'm not attracted to him, no. He's like another dad to me. Have you ever had mice in your house? Back when we lived in the woods, we would have a minor mouse problem in the winter sometimes. I fucking hated it because my parents used the inhumane traps, save for one. I guess it was an affordability thing, idk. One or two got caught in that one, and I would let them go outside. Do you enjoy working with animals? It depends on what I'm doing. If I'm cleaning up after an animal, NO, because I seriously struggle with stomaching it. I canNOT touch vomit or feces, so that kinda eliminates a lot of options. Because of how physically weak I am along with hyperhidrosis, I also can't really exert myself much, so there ya go, more reasons I can't. I wish I could. Have you ever been in a tornado or hurricane? Plenty of hurricanes. If you're in a competition, are you in it to win it or just for the fun? The fun, experience, and growth. What's your favorite show on Comedy Central? I don't watch it. Which love story would you want your life to turn out like? I don't know, really. Do you usually go to sleep before or after the people you're living with? Before, at least usually. Are you into ripped jeans? Yes, though I don't wear jeans anymore. Have you ever been to any Disney parks? Yeah, Disney World in Florida. Which band has the best name, in your opinion? "Cradle of Filth" sounds pretty damn badass and unholy, I dig it. Do kids often knock on your door on Halloween? This will be our first year in this house during Halloween, so I really don't know if any will? I mean we live in a suitable neighborhood, so idk. Which one of your exes do you feel like you have the most chemistry with? Sara. Do you share the same political views as your parents? Dad, no. Mom, some. Have you ever done any internship? No. What's the last thing you got paid to do? Take pictures for someone. What's something your mother always says? "Drive like everyone else is stupid." It works though, haha. Always expect that someone you see might do something moronic and be prepared. For example, she is very adamant about us looking both ways when a light changes to green versus going immediately, and it's literally saved Mom's and my sister's lives. What's something your dad always says? To reach out to him if we ever need help with anything, and he'll do everything in his power to be there. What's your favorite thing to wear? Loose tank tops with loose-ish pj pants. What's your favorite day of the week? Nowadays, it's Fridays. Snake Discovery and The Dark Den both upload that day, haha. Do you have a favorite coloring book artist? Lisa Frank is the Wholesome Lead Bitch. Have you ever wanted to model? No. Have you ever seen someone have a seizure? Yeah, my sister. What's your favorite car? I am not NEARLY educated enough on cars to answer this. Why did you cry the last time you did? I'm seriously grieving Virginia. Her death has stricken me harder than any other I've experienced, even my own grandmother's. Who was the last person to piss you off? Probably someone on Facebook, but idr. Do you like winter? I love winter. Do you have a favorite flower? Yeah; I really like orchids. Dahlias are also gorgeous, and roses... Would you get a shamrock tattooed to your forehead for $5000? No. As great as that money sounds, tattoos are (relatively) permanent, and that would look pretty stupid imo. Are you very flexible? Not anymore. Who was the last person to tell you you looked nice? Probably Mom. Do you have the right time set on your microwave? Yeah. Do you have any old newspaper articles? Why? No. Do you have a flat screen tv or just a regular box? Flat screen. Do you like Tootsie Rolls? Ugh, no. Do you like Slim Jim’s? Oh fuuuuuuck yeah man. What color is your mousepad? Black. Do you get your eyebrows waxed? I used to, but now I just leave 'em be. Would you date someone that had a different religion from you? It would depend on the religion and the intensity. I could NOT date someone exceptionally religious. A common question: What are you listening to? Caleb Hyles and Halocene's cover of Radiohead's "Creep." Would you ever get a nature tattoo? Well, I want at least a meerkat tattoo, so. I'll probably get a snake somewhere, too. Where do your siblings work, if anywhere? My older sister is a mammographer, and my little sister is a children's social worker. Saving lives, then there's me lmao. Who do you generally talk to the most? Mom and Sara. Have you ever had a crush on someone of the same gender? Yeah, multiple times. Do you enjoy painting? Not really, no. I stress out about messing up. When, where, and why did a needle last pierce your skin? Around a week ago, left shoulder, to get my first Covid vaccine. Is there a person you talk to everyday with? Well, considering I live with my mother... I usually talk to Sara too, but a day sometimes passes where we don't. Does one of your parents ever complain to you about the other parent? Mom does that all the time about Dad. It's no shocker they're divorced. Dad's long since moved on and doesn't talk shit about her. Who was the last person you wished a “Happy Birthday” to? I actually don't remember... Someone on Facebook, I'm sure. Does your best friend have a job? Not right now, she's dealing with some wild health issues where it's much safer that she doesn't. When you move out your house (or if you already have moved out) do you plan on still visiting your parents' house? Well of course. I especially plan on visiting my mother at least once a week, either going to her place for dinner or her coming over to mine for the same. We're way too close for me to not see her. I'll still visit Dad, too. Do you usually take home leftovers if you eat out in a restaurant? It depends on what I had and if I know I'll eat it warmed up. What’s your favorite thing to have for breakfast? Cinnamon rolls. Why did you break your last promise? I barely EVER break promises, but this one I actually forgot I even made. ;_;

[philosopherbouquet]

2021 summary - part 1/2

Wow, just wow. 

It’s already been a year. How time flies by, especially during a twisting and confusing mess that is a pandemic and a world trying to deal with said pandemic with a vaccine and people just being….people (sigh). The world as it is now just can’t handle pandemics with how interconnected it is. But I guess it is adapting so kudos for intelligence?

A lot has happened this year that I honestly wrote down a basic summary which I would reread every now and then and think “Wow, this actually this year and not like the 20 years ago that it feels like”.

So for anyone curious and wants to have something random to read, this is going to be a two-part 2021 year recap. First is personal  (this post) and fanficiton (next post). 

As both 2021 summary posts will be long and kinda rambling, more will be placed under the cut so this isn't a mile long. 

POSITIVE NEWS: 

-I didn’t get sick of covid, was able to and got both shots (first dose only my arm was sore, second dose I was sick for the entire weekend). 

-No one else in my family got sick of covid (that I know of) and everyone had their jobs (for the most part). 

-I was able to keep my job I started back in 2019 (grocery store) which gave me about 20hrs per week, and I was called in for shifts so I would get more hours (seen as dependable, hooray).

-I applied for jobs in my field and got 3 interviews, which lead to me getting a new job which was a 6-contract position in a lab on the south side of my city; guaranteed 40hrs every week with no issues of overtime pay from HR. 

And to add to this, because I was seen as such a “dependable and hard worker” - (constantly working about 4-5hrs on my Saturdays, trying my best at both the job and not being an ass to my coworkers) - plus the fact my supervisor likes me, my contract got extended for a year so I am employed at the same lab till next December.

Hooray for not starting the new year with unemployment!

This is seriously awesome though because I now have work experience in a lab, this includes how to use the lab software LIMS which is a big part of the lab work. And if i cant get a permanent position at the end of my contract, my supervisor is willing to be a reference. So like damn, never thought I would get somewhere because I had been applying for like a year at this point.  

NEGATIVE NEWS: 

-People being jerks (they are everywhere, like why? We are all in this together) 

-My car got totaled cause someone was speeding in my neighborhood and used my car as a ramp causing it to flip onto its side. I did get money from the insurance company as it wasn't my fault and the car was deemed a write off but having to buy a new car when I just started my new job was NOT part of my plans this year

-And for some really grim news: I did have an uncle (one of my dad`s older brother) pass away from pancreatic cancer in April (this was kinda rough on my parents). Its been odd since then, like he was always there and now he isn't. I didn't get to see much of him since i have gotten older but he was a part of my childhood and i do have fond memories of him and his wife. I guess I feel kinda numb about the whole thing (this could be the right word for it, not sure). 

Overall: Honestly, for myself personal and how this year turned out for my immediate family....it wasn’t an awful year; it did have plenty bumps and dips, that is completely true and anyone who says otherwise is lying. But on the other hand, it was a decent enough year, like the world hasn't ended yet so that counts for something.  

Hooray and congratulations to everyone making it through this year. One way or another, we are all in one piece and prepared for what 2022 brings. 

[withabackpackandcamera]

June 26th, 2021

Day 1: A Race To See Geldingadalir and Iceland’s West Side

The flight from Denver to Iceland was long but luckily, it wasn’t nearly as long as advertised on our purchased tickets. After a relatively smooth but sleepless flight that included aisle seats for all three of us (Cynthia, Minh, and me) and a viewing of Harry Potter 2, we made an early landing at Keflavik International Airport, arriving more than an hour ahead of schedule. To get to the exit, we ended up having to wait in multiple lines, from the passport control line to the PCR swab line. In between those lines, we made a quick pit stop at the store in front of baggage claim to pick up some beers as well as our Nova SIM card for the trip. 

The line to get our PCR swabs was quite long and it took somewhere between 45 minutes to an hour to get to the point where we presented our vaccination certificates and got our swab kits. After receiving our kits, we walked to a station outside where some techs seemingly swabbed not only our noses but our brains before we were allowed to pass through the airport exit completely. 

Our next task was to pick up our rental car from Blue Car Rental, a local Icelandic car rental company that rented out cars at a much better rate than its international competitors. It took a bit for us and some other folks to figure out where to catch the shuttle to get to the rental car area but after a short wait, we spotted the shuttle that would take us to our destination. Once there, we picked up our brand new red 2021 Kia Sportage 4WD and then drove off to grab some groceries for the road from Kronan and Bonus, both located relatively close to the airport in a neighboring town. 

While Cynthia and Minh picked up some ingredients to make sandwiches for lunch, I briefly flipped through the car manual to make sure I knew how to use the car’s 4WD mechanism. Luckily, it was mostly automatic! Sweet. Once they were done at Kronan, we all sat in the car and took a little time to rest our eyes before hitting up Bonus for a couple more items for the trip. By the time we were done, our parents had arrived and gotten through the now extremely long PCR swab/exit line and were awaiting our pick-up from the airport. And surprisingly enough, the whole process of connecting with them and picking them up at the airport went as smoothly as it could have gone. Exactly as planned. And with the whole crew finally assembled in one place, we were off to start our family adventure in Iceland! 

The first and much anticipated stop of the trip was Geldingadalsgos, the world’s newest volcanic eruption, located about a 30 minutes drive away from the airport. We drove through the town of Grindavik to get to the volcano area. By the time we reached the parking area for the hike, the roadside parking lots were packed. Really packed. But luckily, there was enough space for us to find a parking spot, though it was located almost a kilometer away from the unmarked trailhead for the volcano hike. 

Once we were parked, packed, and dressed for the hike, which was around 11:30am or so, we made our way to the trailhead located on the other side of the road. With mom having a bum knee and Cynthia not being a fast hiker, my brother, dad, and I left them to each other’s company as we went on ahead. As we hiked and made our way closer to the lava field in the valley, we finally located hiking Path C as it ran up the side of a mountain ridge to our right. This was the volcano-viewing trail that I was instructed to take by Jeroen, the photographer, when I messaged with him on Instagram. So we did just that. And as we hiked toward the mountain ridge we were about to climb, I noticed just how nice, sunny, and clear the skies were today and how lucky we were to have great hiking conditions for our first day in Iceland. 

But those pleasant-weathered thoughts quickly soured as we made our way up the heavily-graveled, unofficially paved footpath up the mountainside. What were just light winds on a sunny day quickly became 50+ mph continuous gusts of wind blowing across the lava field and up the mountain ridge. And this made for a much more difficult and treacherous hike than what was already a difficult hike with the steep, gravel-y path and all. 

Due to the wind, dust, gravel, and lack of sleep, it took us a lot longer than anticipated to climb up to the top of the ridge and to the cell tower I was instructed to hike to to get the best views of the volcano. All in all, it took me and my heavy camera bag a little less than 1.5 hours to get to the cell tower. But luckily, even before reaching the tower, I caught my first glimpse of the Geldingadalsgos from afar! And as I hiked closer, I could see and hear the volcano erupting and throwing lava into the air! SO FREAKIN’ COOL! The thing I’d been looking forward to the most since coming up with the idea to fly to Iceland! And I finally got to see it in person! And check it off my life bucket list!

Because I had gone ahead of Minh and my dad, I had extra time to look around the area and scout out the best views of Geldingadalsgos from the eastern ridge. After roaming around on the windy ridge, I finally committed to a viewpoint and stayed there for some photography while waiting for Minh and my dad to catch up. Even though the volcano wasn’t nearly as crazy as I wished it was (especially given how far we were standing and how big the volcano base had grown), it was still pretty spectacular to see in person. 

Once all three of us were at the top, we stayed for a little while longer before heading down the ridge on an unpaved, alternative back path. The path down the back side of the ridge was definitely less steep and dangerous than the one we took coming up but it was still a pretty long route. So it took us a while to hike all the way back out to our parked car. And unfortunately, along the way, my heavy tripod opened up one of my camera bag pockets, which led to the spillage of my stuff onto the ground which I didn’t know about. Only after a bit did I notice that the zipper was open and that I was missing my beanie and sunglasses. Fudge. But luckily, after running backwards and retracing my steps, I ran into some hikers who had found my belongings along their path and had placed them on a nearby rock, where I eventually found the beanie and sunglasses. Thank goodness.

By the time we had hiked all the way back to the car to meet up with Cynthia and my mom, who’d gone back first, I was exhausted. From a combination of lack of sleep, lack of a proper meal, and lack of water. But luckily, the rest of the day was just driving (a very long drive) with some short pit stops along the way to the eastern Westfjords, where we would be spending the evening.

Once we were on the road again, it didn’t take long for me to switch out of the driver’s seat to get some rest because I could feel my eyes getting heavier and heavier as we drove on and on. So Minh took over and drove us the rest of the way to and through the Snaefellsnes Peninsula to Kirkjufell and Kirkjufellsfoss. Once we had arrived after a very pleasant drive, the family and I checked out the mountain and waterfall and took some photos as the clouds started to roll in. The conditions were pretty harsh for any portfolio-worthy photos but I did the best that I could. This was actually my third time visiting Kirkjufellsfoss and every time I swing by, what I see is always slightly different than what I saw the time before, which is a good thing. Not only do I see a different photo-worthy scene each time, but I see a different landscape surrounding the area as well. For example, the area definitely got an upgrade (with a new parking lot and handicap accessible walkways to the waterfall) since my last visit in the winter of 2017. How tourism can drive change… 

With the day slowly winding down and a ton of distance left to make up before we got to our guesthouse, I took over the wheel and drove us to our last pit stop of the day at Gudrunarlaug Hot Spring, located sort of on the way to the Westfjords. The drive there was much rougher than expected since the entire road there was gravel and dirt road, which significantly affected our driving speed. But because we took the gravel road instead of driving back the way we originally came from to get onto the main road leading up to the Westfjords, we still ended up (probably) saving a little bit of time. After a while, we finally reached the hot spring. Unfortunately, given our time constraints and the fact that there were locals already soaking in the hot tub who we didn’t want to intrude upon, we quickly took a peek at the area and left for the Malarhorn Guesthouse in Drangsnes, a little village just north of Holmavik. 

The drive was long (thankfully Minh picked up this driving shift) but we eventually made it there around 11:00pm with the skies still relatively bright despite what time of day it was. After quickly preparing some instant ramen for dinner for the crew, I finally washed up and called it a night. What a ridiculous and jam-packed first day back in Iceland!

In store for tomorrow: a huge waterfall located in the middle of nowhere and a super long drive to Akureyri. 

5 Things I Learned/Observed Today:

1. The Keflavik airport swabbers are definitely trained to make sure they get the best, highest-yield swab samples from international travelers in order to keep their country’s numbers almost nonexistent. So yeah, get ready to get your brain swabbed. But luckily, the process is (sort of) quick and (sort of) painless. And surprisingly enough, it took only about 6-7 hours for the health department to notify us of our negative PCR results! 

2. Geldingadalsgos is definitely the most visited and highest-trafficked tourist site in all of Iceland this summer. Hands down. 

3. Given the pandemic, travel numbers to Iceland aren’t nearly as high compared to the numbers pre-COVID. But with the recent downscaling of travel restrictions, more travelers have made their way over to Iceland with the hopes of seeing cool things while being relatively socially distanced from one another. And not surprisingly, because of the rules set in place by the Icelandic government for incoming travelers and because of the availability of vaccines in the U.S., most tourists in Iceland are Americans. 

4. If you’re driving east along the northern side of the Snaefellsnes Peninsula, don’t expect much paved road a little past Kirkjufellsfoss. The roads here are pretty much all gravel and dirt until you make your way all the way back out to the main highway.. 

5. When you look at a map, Drangsnes looks pretty close to Holmavik. Don’t be deceived! Once you’re driving through fjordlands, nothing is as close as it seems. The windy roads running along the water and the mountain bases of the fjords makes any trip you drive much longer than anticipated.

[porchwood]

I wish I could even begin to articulate how difficult things are in my life right now. I’ve admitted to depression in previous posts but that’s barely a fraction of the picture. In mid-December I lost my just-barely-sustaining-me job because my boss closed her bodywork practice, and if you live anywhere with seasonal traffic, you know that the off-season is the worst possible time to find work, especially if you’re in a tourism-fueled industry. I was able to cobble together two days a week each at two different places (a spa and a yoga studio) but traffic is still painfully slow and no matter what the law says, no one wants to pay their therapists if there aren’t clients coming in. I’ve been creeping by on about $250 a week at a time of year when it costs $300-400 a month to heat an apartment to 60 degrees. (That’s the lowest possible temp at which I don’t have to keep Lucky in a sweater. :/ I can’t begin to comprehend why propane is so inefficient.) Thankfully I have a roommate (and a good one) to help offset utilities, but unfortunately, I’m dealing with a lot more than that.

There was a glitch with the direct deposit at my second job and I only just received all my wages for the month of January, which will significantly help out for the moment, but that money would have been awfully nice to have for groceries (and heat bills) in January. I’m not starving by any means, but I’m truly living week-to-week and I can physically tell that I’m not getting enough protein (because meat is expensive, even for a bargain shopper).

Right after Christmas I had a terrifying episode of chest pain and wound up in the emergency room at 1am. (I don’t go to the hospital for anything, so that should tell you what a desperate situation this was.) The hospital experience was terrible to say the least, and about three weeks later I got a bill for $1,343 (and a subsequent smaller one for my chest x-ray), because my Obamacare policy covered nothing. (Let that sink in, okay? They “adjusted” the fee but covered no part. Of an ER visit - in-network, no less! - which is the end-all reason everyone tells you that you need health insurance.) I applied for financial assistance right away, which required exhaustive paperwork, only to be informed that they need my 2017 tax return (this was before I’d even received my W-2s) or they would automatically reject my application. Which means I now have to come up with a couple hundred dollars to have my taxes done in order to - wait for it - qualify for a payment plan. It’s pretty clear that I’m not going to receive any assistance or bill forgiveness (if your income isn’t below a particular number - and ironically, my 2016 income was - it’s an automatic rejection), but they won’t even let you have a payment plan (for a $1,343 bill) unless you send them gobs of paperwork demonstrating sufficient financial need.

Lucky’s separation anxiety is relentless and responding to nothing, and I spent the month of January making weekly 90-minute round trips to a veterinary acupuncturist, to the tune of $400+ (maxing out my credit cards in the hope that finally, this would help). Lucky hated the treatments (and I hated myself for putting her through them), her anxiety only got worse and the day before my birthday, the downstairs neighbors left a note implying that if I don’t put her in daycare (which is a whole other mess of a subject), they’ll report us to the landlord.

That night was the lowest I think I’ve ever come in my life. Thankfully, my sister must have picked up on this somehow because she called to chat for a little, but it was the first time I actually looked up the contact info for Lifeline (didn’t call but looked it up), and when my poor roommate finally got home I broke down in ugly tears and told her about something bad that happened to me a long time ago that I’ve never told anyone.

Right now I’m...coping. I guess that’s the only word for it. I’m eating, bathing, dressing, going to work, going outside, etc - and most importantly, taking care of Lucky, who is my literal lifeline. I’ve found one last vet to try and we’re going in tomorrow for a consult, but my roommate is dubious about the chances of success and concerned that the neighbors will flip that I’m not putting Lucky straight into a kennel this week. But right now the future boils down to two equally awful prospects:

1) I get Lucky vaccinated for bordetella and board her at the safest place I can find, to the tune of $20-30 a day (plus round-trip drives of about 30-40 mins twice a day), and try to function at work. There’s no way I can afford those rates, of course, and most of these places only take cash, so I’ll have to get another credit card to pay for living expenses while my wages go to daycare. Or I could look into getting a third job, but that would mean another day or two of daycare to pay for, so I wouldn’t be getting ahead, I’d be exhausted out of my mind, and I’d never see my little girl, who is not a young dog anymore.

2) I move permanently back to Nebraska (in stages, because there’s no way I can afford a U-Haul anytime soon) and continue to pay my half of rent and utilities as long as my roommate wants to stay here. (That was our arrangement last winter and remains the only fair thing to do, really, especially as subletting is forbidden.) My sister would take me in at her tiny house and probably let me stay rent-free, but now my aging father is back in Nebraska, and while my sister and I would buffer each other as much as possible, we’d be expected (read: pressured) to serve as caregivers to some extent, especially me, because I’m a massage therapist. And there aren’t a lot of resources to help you deal with an elderly narcissist. (Fun example: Dad ranted to my sister that he didn’t know why I moved to Maine right before he returned to Nebraska because, and I quote, “She only went to massage school so she could take care of me!” He also lamented to a friend - in front of my sister - that he’s not going to get any more grandchildren because my still-unmarried sister is about to turn 40. Which is a horrible thing to say in and of itself, but I don’t think it even occurred to him in the moment that his youngest child doesn’t have a reproductive system anymore and that the loss of it made her want to die.) Someday I might tell you about the rift with my parents, if I haven’t already - it’s not the aforementioned bad thing from my childhood, but it effectively means that I don’t have parents anymore, not in any kind of supportive sense.

Anyway, I’m scared and weary and hopeless and I hate the assumption that when someone isn’t engaging through social media or responding to messages that they’re self-centered, snooty, having too much fun to bother, etc. My life began to crumble four years ago and has continued at a relentless snowball-roll ever since without getting minutely better or even letting up a little, and I can’t swim a lick so I don’t know how I’m supposed to keep treading water indefinitely. And I don’t want to talk about it because even the nicest of those conversations start with “Are things getting any better?” and the answer is always, ALWAYS, “No.”

I don’t expect sympathy or support, because four years of relentless crap have taught me that the worse your life gets, the less people care. It becomes part of your identity to them (”Well, sounds like Elisabeth’s having some trouble again...”) and, I suspect, starts to paint you as a person who just can’t figure it out/get on in the real world, not someone who’s being subjected to an inordinate amount of bad fortune. I’ve had to fight tooth and nail just to survive these past four years, and if God and the world could agree that, just maybe, I finally deserve a little break, maybe I could stop subsisting and start rebuilding from the wreckage.

[megmckinney]

The Dreaded Day Of Travel

It’s hard to prepare for traveling with muchas cosas (many things) as we would be traveling home with. Considering our travel to Mexico and everything that happened, it’s not unusual for either of us to feel a bit uncertain about how traveling home would go. Would we have someone to help carry our stuff? If we don’t, can we still make it work? Will Volaris accept Rowley this time now that his rabbis vaccine would be in their 30 day time frame? Will we be able to get back into the US? How will Summer do on the flight?

The great thing about Sayulita is you don’t have to make appointments anywhere. You want a massage? You walk down to the beach and get it. You want to see the vet to get a health certificate to fly and deworming? You just show up and they do it on the spot. No 30 min check up required and an appointment. Of course I did ask if we should make an appointment but the vet said no to just come in when we were ready. It’s not like they would say no, obviously we had to get home and needed to bring our dog lol So we made sure everything was as Volaris required so we could fly home.

To book our flight online it said we would take off at 12:35 pm. But when you click details, the flight time was actually 6:35 pm. Maybe a glitch in their website? We planned our goodbye brunch at Chocobanana with Kristin, Tyler, Noralina, Felix, and the kiddos, went home to nap/pack, and then headed for the airport. If our flight had been at 12:30, well, then, we would have missed it lol but after booking the res, the email confirmation said 6:30 so I was pretty confident about the evening flight.

We got to the airport 3.5 hours early to be safe. They wouldn’t let us officially check in until 4 so we cruised around the airport. it took SO long to get us checked in because of Rowley. We were the first ones there and by the time we were finally done, the line was incredibly long. They needed to review Rowley’s paperwork, make copies, review them again, have us fill out forms, check the weight. It was never ending. Plus we had to pay for the surfboard, get all of Summer’s gear tagged. It was a process. It took 45 minutes to get us checked in. So it’s finally 4:45pm and we are heading to our gate. Things are fine from here, we board the plane, get to our seats, Summer sleeps on me the entire flight. It was SO sweet but my legs were falling asleep, my left butt cheek was hurting, and I was having a hard time breathing with 21 pounds of weight on me and a baby in my belly. We weighed Summer at the vet after weighing Rowley. It’s good to know how much she weighs now haha.

We land, head to baggage claim/CBX Border Crossing. We find guys with the carts to help us with everything. We go to cross the border through CBX but they won’t take Summer without a birth certificate. My expired passport is no big deal. That works fine he says, especially since it expired in 2020. Matt tried to convince them, the supervisor called the Border Patrol but they said no. So we had to turn around and head the exit of the TJ airport, get a taxi to the border, walk across the border, and hope they don’t give us any trouble getting into the US.

We hop in the taxi to the San Ysidro border crossing. He drops us off and surprisingly there is someone to help us carry our stuff. We are shocked and stoked. We get to the mexico crossing and they just need to see that we have ID, they don’t need to check it BUT we lose our guy to help carry our stuff to walk across the final part. I’m excited because I knew with the wagon and the zip ties we brought that we could do it and I had been looking forward to consolidating everything without extra help. Matt was embarrassed. He kept describing us as Beverly Hill Billy but I don’t get embarrassed easily. I was completely stimulated. I had never walked across the border. It was all new and exciting for me-- until we got into San Ysidro and that was SCARY. More on that later.

So we get into the US Border, we get in line, it was a nice mexican/american lady. I think that was helpful. Women LOVE Summer. Even this woman, who questioned how an 18 month old didn’t have a. birth certificate, couldn’t help but comment on how beautiful Summer is with her red hair. She questioned us a little bit but not for long and then let us go. So the only difficult part was not being allowed to cross through CBX.

We get out of the building and need to get a ride home. It’s super sketchy in this area. Tons of drug addicts walking by, dark, scary. We sign up for an Uber XL, he’s 13 minutes away. The cop makes us move down the street so we aren’t on trolley property, Summer is crying because she’s thirsty. Matt runs to jack & the box to get water and leaves us alone on the street. That was the scariest part. I was just getting ready to duck incase gun shots went off. lol read to kick if someone came up with a knife. I was on high alert.

Our Toyota Highlander finally arrives. He said he didn’t think our stuff would fit. And to be honest, it didn’t. We left the stroller in the trash. It was the old, dirty, used Bob that I got on offer up that we all hate. It was nice to have in Mexico but I never want to use it again lol Once in the car the driver told us that if we didn’t have a baby and if I wasn’t pregnant, he wouldn’t have taken us!!! We were the fifth passengers in his brand new car that he did not want scratched up with our surf board, suitcases, dog crate, wagon, etc.

Our house in La Mesa is booked on airbnb until Feb 2 but our other property in Mission Hills is open for a few nights, Of our three properties, the mission hills home is the only one that I actually own. And I’ve never stayed in it, so it’s been fun to stay here, use the hot tub, enjoy the space! When we bought it, it was a flip, and we bought all of the staging furniture, as well, so it’s a really beautiful and modern home. The decor, the pillows, everything is so chic.

We put Summer down at midnight america time which is 2:00am mexico time. She slept until 4:45 american time so 6:45 mexico time. Not bad. We went to lazy acres for breakfast, got some groceries, Matt took Summer on a walk to balboa park. No stroller so back in the wagon for her. She went down at 9:40 am. I have been blogging, chatting with my dad, unpacking suitcases. It’s been a nice morning.

This afternoon we are signing our loan docs for the refinancing and hopefully heading to la mesa to get our car and stroller! woohoo! I hope Summer sleeps until noon!!! It’s 11 am now. Fingers crossed!!! She needs to catch up so we can get back to a normal sleep schedule!

Well, that’s the end of our travels. I still need to finish the previous blog post but THANK YOU to everyone who came along on this journey with us!!!!

I probably wont be blogging much until October when we plan to move to PALM BEACH FLORIDA for a few years while Matt starts a new pool business, invests in airbnb properties. We’ll see!! More to come from our new nomadic lifestyle!

Love you all! XO

[hornsbeforehalos]

Hunter And Arrow: Ten Years Later [Epilogue]

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x OFC

Warnings:  Language, the fact that I wrote it, violence, death,

A/N: I do not own TWD or any of it’s characters besides the OFC’s I’ve created. Do not repost my work anywhere without my permission.

Sorry this took so much longer than I originally anticipated. Having a ‘blah’ moment. :/ <3 

SERIES MASTERLIST

TAGS: @make-things-beautiful2 @reigningqueenofwords@srj1990@jesbakescookies @aquivercactus  @daddy-kink-confirmed@kellyn1604@reedusteinrambles @dragongirl420 @addiction-survivor25@through-thesilver-lining  @redm81@jodiereedus22@docharleythegeekqueen

“Daaaaad! Wake up! Wake. Up!” Arrow whined, shaking her father’s arm as hard as she could. He jolted up, blinking a couple of times as he assessed his surroundings. Realizing he was in his own home, and not in the place of his nightmares, he grunted as he rubbed his eyes, “What?”

“We’re supposed to go hunting today, Ol’ man, get up.” Arrow commanded him, dropping his bow to the floor at his feet.

“Man, I been waitin’ on you.”

“Sure you have, you ready?” Arrow snorted, a smirk playing on her lips as her dad continued to rub the sleep from his eyes. 

“Yeah, where’s yer mama?” Daryl grunted, voice still thick with sleep.

“In the kitchen fixin’ breakfast for us to take, come on, Daddy, get up.” She replied with another whine, reaching down and grasping his hand to pull him to his feet. He grunted as he stood, his bones cracking as he stretched his limbs out from their stiff positions. 

“Gettin’ too ol’ for this shit, Aare. You’s gon’ have to get yer mama to take you next time.”

“Whatever, ol’ man.” Hunter snorted as she finished loading their Tubbaware dishes down with bacon and eggs and toast as they entered the kitchen. She continued to pack them away as Daryl came up behind her to kiss her cheek and squeeze her waist, earning him a gagging sound from their thirteen year old daughter. 

“Gross.” She spat, sticking her tongue out and scrunching her nose. 

“Yer gross.” Daryl retorted, flipping the girl off who returned the favor as he nuzzled into his wife’s neck, “Thank it’s time she learn how babies is made, wife?”

“I already know, asshole, I live in the same house as you too fuck rabbits.”

“Watch yer mouth, Arrow Rae.” Hunter barked, the smile on her face betraying the snap she intended as her husband continued tickling her neck and face with his stubbly chin. She ducked her neck away from him and used her ass to push him away as she moved to the other side of the kitchen to put the pans in the sink, “Quit damagin’ yer daughter, Daryl. Gon’ give her the wrong idea.”

“About what? She knows what’ll happen if she brangs a boy to this house. Even though I don’ thank tha’s gon’ be the prollem we have...”Daryl teased, smirking smugly at his daughter as he watched her face turn redder than her hair. Arrow looked anywhere but at her parents.

“Mmhmm, I see the way you and Judith look at each other, don’ thank I don’ know, girl. Bes’ watch ya’llselves, though,” Daryl quirked, pointing a finger at her as he stole a piece of bacon from Hunter’s plate, ignoring the swat she gave his hand as he stuffed it into his mouth, “Too young to do more than those looks ya givin’ ‘er, you hear me?”

Arrow rolled her eyes and ignored her mother’s snort, “Whatever, dad. Can we go yet?”

“Ya’ll git outta my house, go play in the woods.” Hunter urged, pushing them towards the door after they grabbed their gear. She smiled as she watched them both flip her off in unison before climbing on the back of his bike and heading towards the gates of the community.

“I got it! I friggin’ got it!” Jerry exclaimed, jumping out of his seat and throwing his hands up in triumph as he turned to his assistant, “Quick, go get His Majesty and tell him to hurry!” 

A lot of things had changed in the 9 years since Jerry had created the vaccine using Arrow’s blood that had begun to save the lives of the remaining population. They had encountered many more enemies once word spread of the growing community of Alexandria and their miracle cure, but each battle that Daryl and Hunter went into side by side always ended in them being the victors. They still didn’t have a lot of the old luxuries that they’d once enjoyed before the world went to shit, but just the fact that they had a way to keep the dead actually dead and protect people from turning was enough hope for everyone. 

Daryl and Arrow were basically inseparable, her being attached to her daddy’s hip from the first time he deemed her big enough for the back of his motorcycle. It was very rare for you to see Daryl Dixon and him not have his fiery, snappy, feisty pouf of red hair following close behind. They would go on runs to the other communities together, to set arrangements with new settlements they’d hear about and to help find lost ones that were seeking refuge and a home. They were the perfect team, especially doing their favorite thing to do together, hunting. 

After spending all day in the thick forest, they’d chosen to spend the night outside the walls, Radioing in to Hunter that they’d be home the next day. Hunter of course made them promise to be careful, knowing that even though that while the dead ones that walked were significantly less in numbers as they had been, it still wasn’t completely safe yet. They’d assured her that they’d be home in time for dinner and sent her kisses goodnight before enjoying each other’s company in front of the fire they’d created.

They were silent a long time before Arrow decided to ask her father the one thing she’d been worried about all day, “You really don’ care that I’m...”

“What, gay?” Daryl grunted, smirking a little as he let out a chuckle through his nose.

"I guess...” She trailed off, her voice quiet.

“Are you gay?”

“I don’ know, daddy. I feel...”

“Weird?”

“Yeah...I guess that’s the best way to describe it.”

“Look, I ain’ no good at shit like this, you know. But I ain’t give a fuck if you like girls.” Daryl assured, lighting a cigarette before turning to face her. Her blue eyes sparkled in the fire light and matched his, relief flooding through her irises as she nodded her head at her father’s acceptance. 

After another bout of quiet Arrow spoke again, “I have another question,”

“What?” Her father rasped.

“Mama tol’ me one time about Paul having a crush on you?”

Daryl couldn’t help the snort that spewed from his nose, almost choking on the smoke that had been residing in his lungs from his latest drag off his cigarette, “Of course she did.”

“So.... did he?”

“I wouldn’t necessarily call it a crush.”

“Then what was it?” Arrow asked quietly, confusion furrowing her brows as she looked at her father. 

“Me and Paul...we were close.”

“How close?” Arrow inquired, eyeing him suspiciously. 

Daryl sighed, not exactly sure if he was ready for his own self-revelation, “We never did what yer thankin’, but...There was somethin’.”

Arrow’s eyes widened upon realization, her breath hitching back a gasp as her mouth opened and closed wordlessly. She didn’t want to push past what he’d already confessed, the knowledge that her dad had dealt with the confusing feelings she was going through was enough to help her feel better. She scooted closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder as he took another drag off his smoke before she stole it from his fingers to take one for herself.

“You better not never tell yer mama I let you smoke.” 

“I’m thirteen, dad, I’m not stupid.”

“Yeah, but I’m stupid for lettin’ you. You cured the dead desease, not Cancer.”

“Fuck you, ol’ man.” She snorted, bringing the stick to her lips and inhaling the toxic smoke.

“Don’ ever tell yer mama what I jus’ told you, either.” Daryl grunted, snatching the cigarette back from her fingers.

“Why not?”

“She’d flip her shit.”

“She already knows, dad.” Arrow replied, cocking her head against his shoulder and nudging him.

“What?” Daryl choked, jerking away from her.

“She knows. I heard her teasing Jesus one day at the Hilltop about it.” 

Daryl exhaled sharply though his nose, his nostrils flaring as he shook his head, “He saved my life, ya know? I thought ya mama was was long dead. Anytime I ever let anyone close to me and they’d die. I never let him get that close, but we had...I dunno, like I said, something.”

“Do you still have that...something?”

Daryl exhaled the last drag of smoke from his lungs, flicking it into the fire as he shook his head again, “Nah. Yer mama’s all I ever needed. I can’t love someone like I love her.”

“I’m certain I got the formulation correct. We just need a test subject, your Majesty.” Jerry mused, his eyes darting around the room as everyone gazed upon the vile in his fingers. The vile that could contain the answer to the world’s biggest problem.

“And who, pray tell, should we have as the test subject?” the King answered sarcastically, “Who is going to want to let themselves be violated by one of the abominations?”

There was silence for a minute before Daryl’s gruff voice could be heard speaking up behind everyone, “I’ll do it.”

Daryl’s thumb ran over the scar on his other hand, the tissue raised and mutilated, but healed. His eyes slid over his daughter’s sleeping form, her red ringlets scattered across her face and mouth slightly ajar to accommodate the soft snores fluttering from her lips. He grinned, she looked just like her mama when she slept. The past ten years with her had brought him so much joy, so much worry, and so much heartache. He still didn’t think he was the father she deserved, that anyone deserved, but the fact that he wasn’t scared of her like he was of his own father made him believe he wasn’t fucking up too bad. The terror in her eyes when he had let the walker bite him all those years ago was embedded in his mind, though, and he’d vowed to never see her that afraid again, even if it was for the greater good. 

He lit another cigarette as he continued to watch her sleep, his ears sharply trained on any danger that might stumble upon them that he would need to protect her from. He’d always known that humans were stupid, selfish, things that only gave a damn about themselves and what someone else could do for them, but even he, the ever cautious and suspicious one, hadn’t even been prepared for the ruthlessness of people after the vaccine was created. People just like Negan and just like Gregory came from all over hoping to use his little girl, but every time a new threat showed themselves, his beautiful wife was there to rip out their throats. 

He remembered when he finally came to understand what made his wife so blood-thirsty when it came to their child. The feeling in his chest when he’d seen a man hold a gun to his seven year old daughter’s head, the look of a pure predator on Hunter’s face as she aimed the sniper rifle at the man’s head. The connection that was almost electric between his two girls, Arrow knowing just when to move her head slightly to the right to avoid the bullet that planted itself between the man’s eyes. 

Hunter Christine Dixon was an anomaly all in her own. She’d changed so much within the time that they were apart in the beginning but in so many ways stayed the same as well. Now, she was an even greater, wiser woman but still just as ruthless as ever. Daryl would fall in love with her over and over and over again for the rest of his life, he thought, no matter how many times they’d threatened to kill each other. She was the light of his life, second only to the sleeping girl who he quietly laid down beside after making sure her blanket covered her properly, the closest thing he could do now that she was so much older to tucking her in. He kept himself alert as he drifted off to sleep in a way that only he could, content with what his life had brought him.

The duo returned back to Alexandria the next day, a large buck with an impressive spread of antlers hoisted up over Daryl’s shoulders, and a small doe being held up by Arrow. They made their way to the front porch where Hunter was waiting, and they each shrugged off the kills at her feet like some kind of offering. 

“You tryna court me ‘er somethin’, Daryl Dixon?” Hunter grinned as he looked up at her proudly, their daughter choking back a laugh as she rolled her eyes.

“Pffft, I shot that one, mama.” Arrow confirmed what her mother already assumed, earning the girl a shove from her father as she climbed the steps.

“Never can let yer ol’ man have anything, can you, banshee?” Daryl complained, hands on his hips.

“Fuck off, dad.” She chuckled as she stood behind Hunter and flipped him off

“Watch that mouth, girl.” Daryl scolded, pointing a finger at her as she stuck out her tongue in his direction before flipping him off again and heading inside to take a shower. 

“You gon’ help me gut these things, girl?” Daryl asked as he pulled the large blade he would be using from it’s place on his hip.

“Not on my front porch, I’m not.” Hunter replied, walking down the steps to hoist the doe up, “I got everything set up ‘round back, come on.” 

Daryl watched her for a moment with the same amazement as he always did as she pulled the deer up onto her shoulders, her tight ass swaying with the weight as she moved the thing around the side of the house. 

“You comin’ ‘er are ya gon’ stand around holdin’ yer dick all day, Dixon?” She called to him teasingly, knowing he was staring at her. 

He reeled himself back into his mind and quickly chased after her, the heat in his groin making him forget all about the buck left on the steps.

[dailynewswebsite]

Masks and mandates: How individual rights and government regulation are both necessary for a free society

Residents line up of their automobiles in late November at a meals distribution web site in Clermont, Florida, the place many are hungry due to the pandemic. Paul Hennessy/SOPA Photographs/LightRocket through Getty Photographs

I’ve been considering quite a bit, just lately, concerning the rigidity between demanding “particular person rights” – within the sense of deciding whether or not or to not put on a masks – and calling for extra motion on the a part of our authorities to guard us from the coronavirus pandemic.

I’m a political theorist, which suggests I research how communities are organized, how energy is exercised and the way individuals relate to at least one one other in and between communities. I’ve realized – by means of speaking to buddies, and eager about the protests towards COVID-19-related restrictions which have taken place across the nation – that many individuals don’t perceive that particular person rights and state energy are usually not actually opposites.

The legal guidelines and insurance policies that governments enact set the framework for the train of our rights. So, inaction on the a part of authorities doesn’t essentially empower residents. It may well, successfully, take away our energy, leaving us much less capable of act to handle our wants.

‘Struggle of all towards all’

The Founders said within the Declaration of Independence that “governments are instituted amongst Males … to safe their rights … to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”

These objectives can’t be pursued individually with out governments to assist create the circumstances mandatory for collective life. As Thomas Hobbes acknowledged virtually 4 centuries in the past, if everybody simply does what they please, nobody can belief anybody. We find yourself with chaos, uncertainty and a “conflict of all towards all.”

Rights turn into nugatory.

This paradox – of the necessity for presidency to allow the efficient pursuit of particular person goals – is especially excessive within the state of affairs of COVID-19 and its attendant financial disaster. Amid a rampaging pandemic, individuals have rights to do many issues, however are they actually free to train them?

A bus reminds individuals ‘No Masks No Experience’ in September 2020. Ben Hasty/MediaNews Group/Studying Eagle through Getty Photographs

It might not really feel like you’ll be able to get pleasure from the advantages of your particular person rights when you must be engaged in a steady means of risk-assessment: Is it protected to depart my home? To go to work? To ship my little one to highschool? To go to my family members?

Much more, individuals confront these questions from very totally different views: “Important” employees have needed to make choices about whether or not to go to work and threat illness or dying, or to remain house to guard themselves and their households and threat starvation and homelessness. Those that are unsafe of their properties, as a result of they stay with abusive dad and mom or companions should select between the hazard of staying in and the risks of leaving. Even those that work remotely make an evaluation of threat each time they go away house, particularly now that infections have surged, given the absence of clear, shared norms about social distancing, mask-wearing and different precautions towards the unfold of illness.

Collective framework

Every individual experiences these as private selections, nevertheless, as a result of federal and state governments have failed to offer a really collective framework inside which individuals may be safer.

Individuals could know, for instance, that if everybody wore a masks within the presence of others, maintained social distance and averted massive crowds, it might be comparatively protected to be out in public. However that purpose can’t be achieved by voluntary particular person actions alone, since the advantages are achieved solely when most or all of us take part.

The one technique to guarantee that everybody might be carrying a masks — understood as an act of group and collective care, an motion taken to guard others, in addition to ourselves — is for the federal government to require mask-wearing as a result of it’s wanted for the safety of life.

It’s effectively accepted that governments can mandate that drivers should have insurance coverage if they’re to be allowed to register and drive a automobile, or that each one kids be vaccinated earlier than they’ll attend college. These necessities are justified out of the popularity that our particular person actions (or inactions) have an effect on others in addition to ourselves.

Maine Unbiased Sen. Angus King units up an indication describing a bipartisan proposal for a COVID-19 reduction invoice on Capitol Hill on December 1, 2020. Tasos Katopodis/Getty Photographs

After all — and right here is the place questions on particular person rights come up towards the necessity for presidency coverage — within the absence of presidency financial help for people and households, for instance, the prices of actions taken to guard others fall unequally.

If companies near gradual the unfold of illness, they defend each employees and shoppers. However with out authorities assist, they and their employees are those who bear the monetary burdens of those actions as people.

Interdependence and mutual accountability

That’s the reason the CARES Act, which supplied revenue for many who misplaced jobs and loans or grants to those that stored their employees on payroll, was crucial.

It was authorities coverage that acknowledged that collective caring habits can’t be sustained with out communal help. The CARES Act articulated, by means of a sequence of presidency packages, the concept that nobody needs to be pressured to be a martyr — say, to lose their livelihood — for the good thing about others.

Authorities coverage of this type (such because the reduction payments now being thought of by Congress) goals to make sure that those that forego work to guard others — or go to work to guard others, like important employees — won’t must pay a private worth.

The flexibility to train the rights to work, to buy or to go to highschool relies upon upon having a comparatively protected public area by which to function. In flip, that requires all of us to take care of the rights and security of others, in addition to of ourselves.

Authorities is the means by which such attending — caring — is expressed and achieved. It’s only when individuals can rely on others to be involved for each other that they’ll actually be free to behave, and train their rights, within the public area.

I’m not now receiving any funding; however I’ve, previously, held a Nationwide Protection Training Act fellowship for graduate research, and analysis fellowships from Smith School, the American Affiliation of College Ladies, the Mellon Basis, the Danforth Basis. I’ve additionally served on evaluate panels for the Nationwide Science Basis (for which I obtain a small stipend).

from Growth News https://growthnews.in/masks-and-mandates-how-individual-rights-and-government-regulation-are-both-necessary-for-a-free-society/ via https://growthnews.in

[the-truest-sentence-i-know]

Chapter Fifteen | Illness

Fandom: Disney’s Descendants

Summary: Quinn Little, raised in Auradon by Little John, finds out that her heritage is not what she thought it was. When Little John tells her that her real father was a villain, she must go on a journey of self-discovery that will bring her to all the forbidden places in the United States of Auradon.

Pre-canon & canon compliant to the first Descendants film.

Word Count: 2.1k  |  15/23

ao3 ||| ff.net ||| wattpad ||| quotev

Three more kids were down with a cough a week later and Quinn did her best to keep up their spirits as they laid in their hammocks. While she was grateful for the distraction from everything that had happened with Seamus, she was starting to get concerned; this seemed like more than a regular cold.

She was brewing another pot of tea when Jax came into the galley. He could see the tension in her forehead and hopped up onto the counter beside the kettle.

“How are they doing?” he asked.

Quinn leant against the counter across from him, brow creased. “Their symptoms seem to just indicate a cold, but Cai has had a bad cough for two weeks now, without a sign of getting better.”

Jax looked at her suddenly. “Is it a dry cough?”

“Yes?”

He grabbed her hand and nearly ran into the doorframe in his hurry. Quinn, confused, scrambled after him as he led them to the forecastle, where Cai and the others were lying in their bunks.

Cai was in the middle of a coughing fit and between coughs, he gasped for air, high-pitched in a way that made Quinn wince sympathetically.

“What is it?” Quinn asked Jax, whose jaw tightened at the sound. He moved farther away from the sick kids.

“I think it’s whooping cough,” he said quietly, so only she could hear him.

Quinn frowned. “Whooping cough? But there’s a vaccine for –” Her realization struck her like a punch to the gut, followed by a wave or rage at the Auradonian establishment unlike any other she had had. “There’s no medicine on the Isle,” she said quietly, more to herself than to Jax. She closed her eyes for a moment and drew her hand through her hair, then looked at Jax. “How bad is whooping cough? Have kids caught it here before?”

He nodded. “Every few years there’s a bunch of bad cases. One year, a while back, three kids died.” Quinn’s heart plummeted like a rock to the bottom of her stomach. “But if you have a vaccine, you won’t have to worry about catching it,” he said.

Quinn nodded. “Alright, if it’s this bad, we need to separate the sick people as well as everyone who helped me take care of them.”

“We’ll move them above the shop,” Jax said.

“I’ll move them,” Quinn said. “You need to be careful too. And the younger kids especially. If I remember correctly, it’s more dangerous for young children.”

 They were not happy to have to move, but Quinn got everyone who was sick up to the room above the shop. Cai, she moved last and every so often, they had to stop when a coughing fit overtook him. Once, when they were nearly at the door of the shop, the fit was so bad that he vomited. Quinn jumped back at first but stroked his back as he retched through his coughs. “It’s alright,” she murmured.

She led him up the steps to where several make-shift beds lay spread around the room.

•••

 Quinn was not extremely familiar with whooping cough since it was mostly eradicated in Auradon. But if it was reasonably common here, perhaps there were records of it, and hopefully some treatment instructions.

“Jax?” she asked one morning as they got ready for the day. “Where would I find an archive or records?”

He frowned thoughtfully. “The library at the school, maybe? It’s the largest collection of books on the Isle that I know of.”

An hour later, Quinn and Sheela were inside. “You know,” Sheela said, putting her lockpicking supplies back in her pocket. “I never thought I’d be breaking into school.”

Quinn smiled. The school was dark and empty – it was the weekend – and they crept through the corridors.

“Library’s this way,” Sheela said, leading her into a room filled to bursting which shelves and tables piled high with books, as well as stacks of books on the floor.

Quinn whistled. “This might take a while.”

Sheela smiled. “There is some rhyme and reason to it. I suggest we start over there.” She pointed to the left back corner. “That’s the ‘practical information we might actually need’ section.”

They spent over an hour searching until Sheela called out, “I think I found something!”

Quinn rushed over to her side. Sheela held a handwritten notebook entitled Common Illnesses. They flipped through until they found a page on whooping cough. Quinn skimmed over the symptoms, checking them off in her head: red watery eyes, runny nose, dry cough; then as the illness worsens: more coughing which may provoke vomiting, result in a red or blue face, cause extreme fatigue, or end with a distinctive high-pitched whoop.

“But there’s no cure or treatment,” Sheela said, having skimmed to the bottom.

“Rest, fluids, smaller meals to discourage vomiting, clean air,” Quinn read. “But teens and adults often recover no problem – although they’ll be weak for three to six months.”

“Three months?” Sheela repeated. “That won’t be good for morale or defending ourselves from attacks. Although I guess everyone will be having the same problem once it starts to spread.”

Quinn nodded and closed the book. “Well, this was a bit of a waste of time – it’s basically the same treatment as a regular cold.”

“At least we know for sure we’re not missing anything,” Sheela said encouragingly.

 When they returned to the shop, Harper, Corinna, and Jade were sitting at the counter speaking in low tones. Quinn would not have given them a second glance if their expressions had not been so serious. The three Powder Monkeys often hung out together but usually gossiped or pulled pranks.

“Is everything alright?” she asked them.

They all hesitated before Corinna spoke up. “We heard that Maleficent started the sickness on purpose and that she has a cure.”

“It’s whooping cough,” Quinn said firmly. “It comes around every few years, and it doesn’t have a cure.” At least not on this island.

“Apparently there’s medicine on the ships from Auradon,” Harper added. “And she’s hoarding it to herself.”

Quinn exchanged a look with Sheela. These types of rumours would not help morale either.

“If there was medicine, we would’ve found it with our tunnel,” Sheela said.

 Corinna came to Quinn with a bad cough the next day. She quietly admitted that she had been feeling under the weather for a little while already but did not want to be separated from her friends. Quinn did not have the heart to scold her.

With both his siblings sick, Cyrus started sleeping behind the counter in the shop.

 One day, as she sat in the room above the shop, watching over the sick, Quinn heard footsteps on the stairs. She looked up to see a boy, maybe ten or eleven, with blond hair, wearing red, white, and black leather.

“Can I help you?” Quinn asked, getting up. “Just stay in the doorway, we don’t want to spread it.”

The boy nodded. “You’re Quinn, right? The doctor?”

“Yeah, well, I’m not a doctor, but I am in charge of taking care of sick Crewmembers,” she clarified. “Do you need my help?”

“My friend, I’m worried that he might get sick because his dad is keeping his store open,” he said. “And then I might get sick too.”

Quinn nodded and pulled out a few cloth masks she had Crewmembers make in their free time. “I can’t guarantee you or your friend won’t get sick,” she said. “But wearing these will help.” She handed them to him. “And make sure you wash your hands often.”

He nodded earnestly. “I owe you a favour.”

Quinn wanted to protest, but this kid did not seem like he would take no for an answer. “Sure.” It wasn’t like she would need this kid’s help anyway. As he turned to leave, she called after him. “Wait, what’s your name?”

“Carlos,” he called over his shoulder. “Carlos de Vil!”

 Quinn was so constantly exhausted and busy that weeks slipped by. Cai mostly recovered, though he still tired easily, which frustrated him – especially when Quinn told him to take it easy and be patient. Jax visited often and they would sit in the backroom of the shop, usually not even talking that much. He would update her on the goings-on while she rested her head in his lap.

She had not been sleeping well in their makeshift hospital wing, missing Jax beside her. So, she would often drift off, Jax’s familiar scent surrounding her, his fingers gently brushing her hair out of her face. She would jerk awake some time later, feeling a little guilty to have fallen asleep in their limited time together, but he would just smile.

On one such occasion, he said, “Cai can probably start helping with the sick kids, so you can take turns.”

Quinn nodded. “He needs something to do. Not being able to go out is driving him nuts.”

“I bet.” He smiled and leaned down to kiss her forehead. “Let him be in charge for tonight. We can hang out – you are in dire need of a date.”

“A date?” Quinn looked up at him. “How Auradonian of you.”

“You insult me,” he said with a grin.

With Cai installed as her temporary assistant, Quinn and Jax stepped out onto the nighttime Isle streets. They were quieter than usual, most people staying home to avoid getting sick.

They walked to the far end of the Isle, where they could look out to open sea. There was a small dent in the slab of rock that formed the shore that was perfect for two people to sit in.

Quinn curled to Jax’s side as they watched the stars come out, their reflections on the sea winking up at them. She allowed herself calm for the first time in a while and did not think of whooping cough. She instead focused on how she could feel every breath Jax took, could feel his heartbeat with her head on his chest. It was so familiar, so comforting.

It was home.

The realization shuddered through her with a certainty that almost scared her. Almost. “Jax,” she said quietly.

“Mmm,” he hummed.

“I love you.”

For a moment he said nothing. For a moment, Quinn was afraid she had said it too early, or that was not how flings worked or –

“I love you too,” he said quietly.

Quinn turned her head to look up at him and saw that softness in his eyes that made her feel like melting. She kissed him and then settled against his chest once more.

The moon had risen, full and bright, its reflection on the water rippling and distorting in the waves.

But the moment could not last forever and soon they had to scramble back up the rocks and return to the shop. A wide-eyed Cai met them at the door.

“Cai, you were supposed to stay upstairs,” Quinn said. She pushed Jax back and stepped in front of him protectively. “You might still be contagious.”

“It’s Corinna,” he said.

Nothing more had to be said. Jax nodded and squeezed Quinn’s hand encouragingly before she and Cai hurried upstairs.

Corinna was curled on her side, coughing ceaselessly. Between bouts, she gasped in as much air as she could in the distinctive whoop that Quinn could never get used to, no matter how often she heard it.

Cai stood, helpless, flinching sympathetically with his sister. “Can you do something to help her?” he asked.

Quinn crouched beside her but could do nothing but rub her back and whisper encouragingly, “It’s alright. You’ll be alright.”

When the coughing finally subsided, Corinna let out a whimper. She looked exhausted. Cai helped her take a sip of water before she curled up against him.

Corinna was the one Quinn was most worried about. The book had said that children were most at risk – the younger the child, the higher the risk. She exchanged a worried look with Cai, but before either could say anything, footsteps bounded up the stairs. Harper appeared in the doorway, face fraught with concern.

“Harper, you can’t be up here,” Quinn scolded, getting to her feet.

“Is Corinna alright?” he asked, starting into the room.

“She’s resting,” Quinn said, grabbing him by the shoulders. “Go downstairs before you get sick too.” He tried to get around her, but Quinn managed to usher him to the stairs. “Harper, you can’t do anything for her right now, okay? She just needs to rest and let her body fight the sickness. She’s tough, you know that.”

He nodded, though a little uncertainly.

“And it’ll be easier for her if she’s not worried about you,” Quinn continued. “So, don’t do anything that will get you sick or hurt.”

Harper looked around Quinn to where Corinna lay. “Can you tell her I said get well soon when she wakes up?” he asked in a small voice.

“Of course,” Quinn said, with a little smile. “Now run along.”

[bri-goodwin-blog]

Who: Bri & Boone What: Boone gives Bri a tour of Babylon, they talk. Where: Babylon, during the day.

--

'Keep an eye on her for me, figure her out - make sure they seem like they're going to fit in here. I'm trusting you with this.' Being told that by Archer was no light request, and Boone wasn't going to be taking it that way in the slightest. It was about time that he got asked to do something; he was tired of being looked at like he was just a moocher nowadays. His leg was healed entirely on the outside, but his pain was still someone psychosomatic, forcing him to limp behind the new girl as she crossed the courtyard outside. "Hey! Hey, Bri, right?" he tried catching her attention, rubbing at the knot in his thigh as he finally caught up right behind her.

--

It had been easy, just like Roscoe had told them it would be. 'Bleeding hearts', that's what he'd called them - laughing with a cigar held tightly between his teeth. And, like most things, the man was prooved to be right. Hearing her name, the blonde stopped moving, a hand saddling lin her pocket as she peered over her shoulder, doe eyed and offering an uncertain smile at the other. "Yeah? Sorry, I forgot your name - there's a lot of you and it's hard to really remember them all." Boone. She'd heard him called multiple times, especially by the overly friendly man with the eye patch.

--

"Oh, sorry! I'm Boone," he politely stuck out his hand for her to take, smile on his face. She seemed pretty nice so far, pretty honest. "That's alright, hopefully if you stick around long enough you'll get to know each of us. How is your brother doing? I heard Archer got his knee back in socket. Probably going to be sore for a little while, but he's lucky it wasn't worse. Not that Archer wouldn't have, um, been able to take care of him. He's a surgeon. Or was. Before. In the military. Navy seals or something like that." He really needed to stop rambling when he was nervous.

--

Taking his hand with a slight nervous hesitance - a rabbit taking food offered to it - Bri let her smile widen a little before she lowered his hand. "Boone. I'll try and commit it to memory." Tucking her hand away she nodded slowly, looking at the ground for a long moment. "He's doing well. I was terrified for a while there, but you guys...you saved oir lives. I couldn't have kept carrying him and I'm not much of a fighter myself." The guy was a talker, it seemed a fair few of them were - which was only going to make their job easier. "Wow, that's pretty lucky. We used to have a nurse in our old group, but we all got seperated shortly after it all started. Medicine and military though, and he seems really nice too. Hard to believe there are still good folks out there, anyone else would have slammed the door on us I swear."

--

"There's not enough good people left in the world," Boone agreed with her with a sad sigh and a short nod. Especially not some of the people that him and Abby had run into before they had met the rest of The Company. Boone wouldn't even know where they would be if they hadn't found them. "I'm glad that we were here for you guys." She seemed genuine, which was good. There wasn't any sort of flicker in her words or anything of that sort. Boone figured he was doing a great job at being undercover surveillance. "Would you like me to give you a tour of the place?" he offered.

--

"I'd like that, a lot." Her shoulders slackened to mimic a gentle relief, one hand gesturing ahead of herself. "You all seem so close here, I really want my brother and I to fit in - it seems so nice to just stop and breathe for a moment y'know? I spend so long worrying about me and him, he's all I got left but sometimes I feel like we just need a chance to stop and catch ourselves. I probably sound silly." Bri laughed lightly, nudging at the ground as she walked, eye flicking intentionally to the leg Boone seemed to favor. "Sorry, I didn't mean to stare."

--

"You don't sound silly at all. I was in the same situation with my sister and I. It was just me and her for a really long time. She's my baby sister, and she's all I really had left at the time, and when we found this group it took us a long time to acclimate and accept that we were in a safe place. I hope you guys don't have the same problem, but you already seem like you're getting to know us well enough." He continued walking, limping ever so slightly as they moved toward where the pantry was. At her statement, he shrugged and gave her a warm, reassuring smile. "It's alright. I got hurt awhile back, still sort of in the recovery process I guess you could say." He didn't need to go into how he was pretty much all healed and his pain was mostly in his head, so he figured his response was good enough.

--

"It's nice you two still have each other, I'd be so alone without Dax." Another doft smile and she followed, nodding at his words. "It takes longer these days, to heal. But its good you even had the chance to get better - you guys mist really all care about one another; a real community."

--

Boone chuckled sheepishly and nodded, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. "I agree. I wouldn't have lived if not for Archer. I... um. I owe the man my life." It was true, there wasn't much that Boone wouldn't do for Archer. He could probably tell him to jump off of a building and he would have even without a good enough reason. But that was just because he trusted the man. He knew he wouldn't put any of them in danger without good reason. He would be the one to guide them to safety, whatever the situation may be. "We do care about each other though. We didn't, in the beginning. There was a lot of fighting. But we've all been through enough that we're kind of like a little family now. And you guys can be part of that family."

--

"Dax may never admit it, boyish pride and all that but...we owe him ours. We were sitting ducks out there." Like everything else, it was a lie. Roscoe had an eye on them, she trusted him and they prooved their worth to him time and time again. They were useful, and he wasn't a man to let his resources die. "I hope so, I'd like that. A family, a little bit of normality - hell, I might even get a chance to hsve a baby like that other girl here. The blonde one with the lovely face."

--

"I'm just glad we could help you guys, is all." Boone beamed at her. This was good. They were making great progress. She really did seem like a nice girl - someone genuinely interested in making sure they were happy - and he was excited to report back to Archer on his findings. "Oh, Ivy? Or Sadie. 'Cause Sadie's pregnant right now. Ivy's the one with the baby. But hey, I mean, if you want something - anything is possible. You shouldn't let the way the world is now discourage you from being happy, y'know?"

--

Women with maternal instincts were trust worthy - it was natures law. A woman with the desire to nuture and care was portrayed as a strong, loyal person with a gentle soul towards those she held dear. Nothing was further from the truth when it came to Bri; a girl who would sooner throw herself down a flight of stairs than carry a child in this world. She only cared for one other person than herself.

"Ivy, she looks so happy - like something out of the past. I'd like a chance to be that happy. What about you? Like...kids or love, or are you waiting to find the right one?" A light playful giggle caught her words. She assumed the one eyed man was involved with him somehow but she was seeking clarity.

--

"They're a happy little family, for sure. Her, Flip and Phillip. That little boy may have been born into a world without social security cards and vaccinations, but he was definitely born into the arms of people that love and want him. And that's what really matters, right?" He chuckled shyly at her question and shrugged. "I don't want kids, I kind of have some pseudo-kids on my own. Dan, um, the guy with the eyepatch--he's my partner. And Howie and Ash are his sons - not biologically, but he's taken care of them since the beginning of this whole mess and they call him dad."

--

"Of course! You don't nees the finicky things in this world if you've got love. That's up there with oxygen and food for me." Another giggle and a broad smile settled on her face. "That's so sweet. He's a handsome guy too, end of the world and you still managed to land a good looking guy - I might have to ask you for pointers."

--

Boone blushed and shook his head, scratching the back of his head in embarassment. "I don't know how I got so lucky, really. He's an amazing guy and amazing father." He stepped forward when they reached the pantry and held the door open for her. "This is the pantry. It's where all of our food and supplies stay. Everything is watched or locked up 24/7. Not so much because we're afraid of each other, but you never know about other people."

--

Inspecting the pantry, she nodded slowly - mentally noting what she could as she feigned awe. "Wow, you guys really are prepared. I totally get locking it, I  used to sleep with my rations when this all started just in case people ate them."

--

"Yeah," he sighed with a nod of understanding. "I know how that can be. I had that happen once back when it was me, Abby and mom. Someone came and stole all of our food right from underneath us. We had to trade some of our other supplies to get it back, it was a mess. Can't seem to trust anyone these days." Except her, right? He could trust her. She seemed like a nice enough girl, and Dax seemed like a cool enough guy. They should be perfect additions to their little family. Especially with how much she was sharing with him already.

--

"Sometimes i like to hope I can trust people again. I always feel like I'm too trusting or positive but Dax and I...we just wanna see the good in people like we see in each other. I see it in you, and I saw it in Archer when he let us in." Pushing a lock of gold behind her ear, the blonde sighed softly. "I just hope you guys can see it in us too."

--

"Trust me, I can see it already," he said with a beaming smile as he stepped out of the pantry and back into the courtyard, moving toward their next destination. "Archer is pretty good at reading people. He wouldn't have let you guys in if he didn't feel safe with you, so all of us are naturally going to feel good about you guys. I just hope you learn to like us just as much."

--

"I think we will, I already feel myself relaxing in this place. It's weird but it feels right." She'd used that line before, she used it every time. Following him, the blonde stowed her hands away again and peered around them. "How old are your partner's kids? Kids are rare these days, but then again so are babies and you guys almost have two here. "

--

"Good, I'm glad," he stated with a smile. "Ash is 16, and Howie is 21. They were a lot younger when this whole thing started, though. Maverick, our resident farmer, has two kids, though. His daughter is 2 or 3 and his son is 11 or 12." She was easy to talk to, which is one of the reasons he was confident she was going to fit well with the group.

--

"Aww that's so sweet. All these little families..." Bri beamed at his words, her expression not once faltering. "You guys...you give me hope, really."

--

Boone beamed right back at her with his own hopeful smile. He stopped where he was walking and tapped her on the back softly in a friendly greeting. "Well, hopefully you can become part of that family. Now, ready for the rest of the tour?"