#and even a man could write it. i wouldn't trust a man who woke up one day and decided wanted to write about that.

[rithmeres]

literally the only saving grace getting me through borrasca part four is the knowledge that a woman wrote it

[r0-boat]

Oooo I just read your dark whb headcanons. can you please write a scenario where satan is going through a depressive episode and he accidentally hits and breaks the MC’s jaw? his and his nobles reactions? they have to go to paradise lost to get it fixed. all the angst please 🙏

I was waiting to do this one for a while because I wanted to be in the right headspace for some angst.

These demons are nice to you but my favorite part of this game is that demons act like demons.

Anyways enough chit chat let's get to it

Whb Satan blinded by rage hurts you.

Cw: mc gets attacked by Satan, Satan gives in to Rage, depression, not eating or drinking, Violence against Reader, blood

Red. That's all he saw. Consumed by so much wrath He didn't even remember what caused him to be like this in the first place. All he remembers was hands holding him back and screams.

When he 'woke up' you were on the floor behind Leraye the normal happy Demon had a serious look in his eyes his teeth clenched as he stood firm as if waiting for something to happen. Sitri's arms holding him back. Sitri finally let him go and Satan crawled towards you. "Mc....B-baby? Are-are you ok? His voice shaking filled with fear, and worry. His claws painted red at the tips. You weren't moving , the panic started to set in. That's when he saw it. Blood and a bruised cheek... That was saying it lightly, The devil stumbled backward. Red eyes filled with pain his hands was shaking as he looked at them. He did this to you. That Scream was you, The realization almost made him throw up.

Leraye didn't want to oppose his king but he didn't want him to hurt you. And he didn't want you to die. So he was the one that contacted Lucifer... Sitri with all his strength held the rampaging King back. Demons have to remember that humans are more fragile than devils. If He got hurt he could just get back up with only minor redding But if Satan hit you???

When Lucifer heard about what had happened, He.Was.Pissed. He deemed that you were no longer safe in Gehenna. Normally Satan wouldn't give you up so easily, But he hurt you. How could he even face you? You were the last person he would ever want to hurt like this. Damn it. He was a monster. Sitri knew that Satan hurt you on accident. But He still hurt you. So he does not have an opinion. And he will gladly stop anyone who hurts you like that even his own king. You are unconscious, He thought you died! Only until, They all did Only until Sitri yelled "I still hear a beat!"

You stayed at Paradise lost under Lucifer's care while you recovered. Once you recovered he'll demand you stay for the time usually he would ask, but your life is in danger, and he does not trust what decision you make to be a sound one. Satan was lucky Lucifer allowed him from visiting altogether. But, the visits were supervised. Paimon did not like it that they were treating Satan as some kind of enraged beast. But he can't deny that he wouldn't have done the same if it was someone else's king.

Satan wants to see you but feel as though you would not want to see him. He still visits when you're unconscious. His hand still shakes out of fear he might accidentally hurt you again. He hadn't come out of his room since coming to see you. When he is not in his own bad, staring blankly at the wall, He is clawing up the walls of his room, his bed sheets, and his pillows are torn to pieces. The nobles had never heard their king strong and always smiling, cry.

Even if you want to see him when you finally recover.(constant checkups with Lucifer) Satan just avoids you for a while. Not returning your calls flat out ignoring you by text. Finally you caught that man out of his castle. And He doesn't even look you in the eye when you stand face to face. He still looks guilty, Looks like he's seen a ghost every time he looks at you. You can even see him grow some facial hair. And according to Sitri 'hasn't showered in weeks hasn't eaten a lot in days. And that this is the worst depressive episode he's ever seen from him.'

The other nobles are urging you two to talk again. They swear that Satan is never a demon to hurt you on purpose. And he swears it will never happen again. Seeing Satan in this state is breaking their hearts. But at the same time they would never force you to make that decision. And if you never wanted to see him again they will support you! Even act as your bodyguard just to make you feel safe.

The pain he feels every time he raises his hand, and you flinch is more painful than thousands of angels tearing into his flesh. He's supposed to protect you... Hurting you should have never happened. And he will never do it again.

Satan is terrified of touching you again. It would take a while for him do not feel scared about hurting you by just touching you. Now he's even more regretful that you had to see him like this. He's angry at himself for being like this.

If you force him to talk to you, he'll break down, he'll start tearing up, he'll hold you close, his voice broke as he sobs apology after apology. Nails digging into your clothes as he mutters that he hurt you. That he's no better than an angel. That he's scared that he thought you died and he killed you.

[aragaki]

Porter & Bright Eyes Thoughts

I thought about this just before I went to sleep and I didn't forget about it when I woke up so I guess I need to write what I'm thinking down

When he'd heard that in 3 short years, the clan had gained three new vampires he wouldn't say he wasn't shocked. It wasn't like William to be rash with turnings but learning that it was Vincent and Sam, and subsequently Sam's new progeny that were the makers? He was intrigued.

Meeting Frederick was a boring affair to Porter, honestly. He was the exact kind of man he could see Samuel turning, bleeding heart that he had... and then there was Bright Eyes. Taciturn, stubborn, difficult Bright Eyes.

Their maker was a freshly turned newborn, they were easily the weakest vampire in the clan. And you'd never know it by looking at them. The turning did nothing to dull a defiant brightness that burned in their irises, in the sharp roll of their eyes. This was someone who would do well as a vampire, provided their clan was giving them the room they needed to be themselves.

And they weren't.

Bright was under constant scrutiny. They were blamed for their death and Frederick's as if they ever could have known what was hiding under Dahlia's facade of normalcy. It was as if they could do nothing right, even three years into their turning.

Porter had no interest in playing as their maker, in being any kind of older brother figure to one of the newest additions to the Solaires. They were out of the bloodlust, they'd been taught the rules and how to behave. It really was only a matter of time until they were fully independent and wouldn't need the intervention of more experienced vampires.

That didn't stop Porter from weaponizing Samuel's clearly bad relationship with his progeny to get under his skin. He'd called Sam a deadbeat dad more than once, even in front of Frederick or any of the other Solaires. He'd grinned and said that even Alexis was shown more grace than Bright.

He tried to ignore that there was a wave of actual anger behind his barbs.

Porter was many things but if anyone tried to call him stupid he would laugh in their face. He saw the forest for the trees, as it were. Bright had become a scapegoat to the Solaires, to Sam. It was easy to blame them because it was their choices that put them in the path of Quinn. And they died for it. Shouldn't that have been punishment enough?

It agitated a familiar sting when he saw the way Bright lingered on the outskirts of their family. William was trying his best with Bright but clearly, there was some bias there... burned by trusting Adam, no doubt. Their relationship with their friend Frederick was fraught. Sam had burned that bridge before he even had a chance to meet Bright in the middle.

By the time he'd returned to Dahlia, the newborns were weaned off of Sam. They'd learned enough to be independent and only need occasional guidance... so Bright had moved as far away from the Solaires as they could while still being in Dahlia... just in the opposite direction of Sam. The lines in the sand had been drawn long before he'd returned home.

Something about the way Bright seemed to hate their new life bothered him but not in the way Vincent had. He had more perspective on Vincent now and maybe that's what was getting under his skin.

Sam was turned when he explicitly asked not to be. That was bad. Vincent was turned when he wasn't able to give consent. That was bad. Bright Eyes was turned when they weren't able to give consent. That was their fault?

Being shortsighted and dangerously stubborn clearly wasn't as much of an issue to their favorite cowboy as Sam liked to pretend it was. Porter learned that quickly when he met Sam's partner... so the wolf was worthy of kindness but the newborn was not. The double standard grated on him.

Bright truly had no one in their corner in the Solaire clan... and before he knew it, he'd stepped up.

It started easily enough. Bright had some pent-up aggression to work out, the kind that Sam would tell them to just bottle up and be quiet. Not Porter. He'd take them out in the forest and they'd spar. He'd let them be as vicious as they needed to be until their tense muscles loosened.

If Alexis or even Sam were making their "harmless" little comments, he'd slide up beside them and show them what true vitriol looked like. He was Wiliam's vampiric hitman, not a young vampire's bodyguard. And yet. And yet seeing any bit of shit being thrown Bright's way pissed him off beyond belief.

Bright could talk about that night to someone who they knew wouldn't judge them. They could talk about their guilt, their frustration, all of it, to someone and know that their abrasiveness wouldn't turn it into an argument. He just listened.

Porter was teaching them the things that Sam wouldn't. They were learning how to love themselves in this new life. Things were different and maybe some of their relationships would never be the same again but they were a Solaire. That name held power and that power would allow them to have fun again.

By virtue of being a Solaire, they had access to quite a bit of money and Porter was willing to show them all the fun ways they could spend it. It wasn't really Bright's thing as much as breaking into abandoned places was but it was nice to get back at the Solaires a little bit, even financially.

(As if William didn't know and didn't have more money than they could ever spend.)

Being under Porter's wing was really bringing life back into Bright. They were happy again, even if it wasn't all the time. They didn't spend as much time alone, they weren't getting into arguments as much because they were spending less and less time around Sam and the others. Frederick was watching the wonderful side of his friend come back, even though it was from a distance.

Instead, they were spending time with Porter and learning what being a vampire was like through his eyes and not Sam's and they found the immortality they faced to be a lot more entertaining.

Porter knew enough about being the outcast to empathize with them. He was well aware of how strong they were and how hard it was for them to hold their tongue for the sake of "peace." So he didn't ask them to. They could be themselves, unapologetically. The clan would handle the fallout whether they like it or not, the same way they did for him.

He would never have imagined himself as a role model for anyone but after meeting Bright Eyes, he couldn't imagine anyone other than him fitting that role for his vampiric sibling. He shuddered at the idea of someone as fiery as Bright trying to model themselves after Vincent.

[berryz-writes]

Jealousy

PART 1

Summary: Your forced to spend the weekend with Azriel the bane of your existence but little do you realise he doesn't completely hate you

did i think of the title before writing the actual fic? Yes i did. ENJOY LOVELIES <3 (ignore mistakes it's midnight😭)

I crossed my arms, wishing and hoping for my sake Rhys was playing some sort of prank and he didn't really mean I had to spend the next three days with the bane of my existence.

"It's last minute I know but you two are the ones I trust to be able to carry this out without gathering much suspicion" Rhys explained looking between the two of us. His expression was slightly apologetic when he looked toward me and it rightfully should have been. He was forcing me to spend 3 days with Azriel. The most arrogant fucking man in the whole of Prythian.

Azriel stood next to me his brows furrowed and his eyes sending daggers at Rhys "I wouldn't want y/n to tire herself out too much. I'll do the mission myself" I grit my teeth together at his words and the annoying belittling tone he used.

"I'm right fucking here. It's better if I go myself, they'll be able to spot a brooding bat from miles away" I replied not even bothering to look at the moody asshole. His wings twitched slightly but he gave no other indication that he had been affected by my words.

Rhys let out a sigh and stood up, walking around his desk and reaching for a folded parchment. "Your both going. End of story" He extended his hand and before Azriel could reach for it I all but snatched it out of Rhys's hand. Rhys looks slightly amused but Azriel didn't. He turned to me, his glare rooting me to the spot. I gave him a pleasant smile back trying to get him even more annoyed. I could hear his teeth grinding together even from the distance between us.

"Go fuck yourself" He muttered to me before storming out the room, his shadows trailing behind as if scared of their master too.

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of bed" I commented, opening the parchment and noting the details Rhys had written, the population of the village, the number of cabins, weapons stores etc. I looked up to see Rhys looking at me, his eyebrows raised slightly as if he found this all amusing "At least try to get along. It'll make things easier"

I let out a sigh. Rhys was right. But annoying Azriel was always so fun. "I'll think about it" I finally let out, leaving his study and going to prepare my weapons.

***

I walked around the cabin, running a finger along the book case. Not a speck of dust in sight, the magic keeping the cabin clean for any guests. There was a double bed on one side of the room, matching side tables on both sides, opposite them were two armchairs and a fireplace which was currently filled with logs as the fire danced away the cold. A small kitchen to the back with cupboards stocked with every ingredient.

Gods I hated this place. Well not the cabin. It was cosy. What I hated was the village itself. It was always so dreary and grey. Not to mention the smell of misogynistic males who thought themselves too high up to talk to a female. Fucking pricks.

I sat down on the bed and unlaced my boots, finally being able to feel my feet properly. The day had been a long and annoying one. Meeting with village heads to discuss why there was disruptions amongst the Illyrians. Making sure females were still allowed to train and their wings were kept safe. The whole lot of them were stubborn, not a word going through their thick skulls. And to add to the growing list of annoyances Azriel had been an asshole the entire day. More than usual.

Before I could think more about how draining my day had been I heard a sharp knock at my door. I readied myself. If it was that fucking Illyrian who had called me a whore I was going to give him a piece of my mind. I walked over to the front door my socks gliding across the wooden floorboards, reminding me of when me and Rhys used to ice skate on the Sidra. I opened the door my frown already in place. Good thing it was because it was Azriel darkening up my door with his gloom.

"What is it Shadowsinger? Miss me?" I crossed my arms and waited for him to say something. Common courtesy would be to invite him into the guest house but I wasn't in the mood of playing nice. He didn't look like he wanted to play nice either. His shadows were moving slowly over his wings and around his body, their colour darker than the night itself.

"I'm staying here for the night" He finally said before moving past me and into the cabin. My mouth fell open as I slammed the front door so the cold wouldn't come in. "What do you mean your staying here? Go to your own cabin..... I was here first!" I admit I sounded like a child but what was he doing here? We had made sure two guest cabins were empty before coming here.

"You were here first? Well that's fucking unfortunate" He replied sending me a glare before sitting on the edge of my bed and removing his belt containing his daggers, bending down to take off his boots too. Why was he looking at me like it was my fault?

I stomped over to him and stopped in front of him "Go to your own cabin! What are you even doing here?" I asked. Gods he was being irritating. Why wasn't he answering me with the truth instead of wasting my time?

He finally turned to look at me, having taken his boots off. His amber eyes looked deadly in this light and with his eyebrows furrowed like that I wouldn't be surprised if he was thinking of killing me on the spot "I can't go to my cabin because it doesn't fucking exist. Understand? Or do you want me to show you a visual representation?" Gods I hated it when he was sarcastic. His head was tilted slightly waiting for my reaction.

I took a deep breath and narrowed my eyes, anger would get me no where "What do you mean it doesn't exist? It was there in the morning so how has it just disappeared?"

He took a deep breath as well as if he were tired of talking to me, he ran a hand through his hair. Gods he was hot......I shook my head. Was my head screwed on straight?

"There was a fight. The cabin was....demolished during it" He explained. I raised an eyebrow "Who fought? Was it you?....Don't tell me it was you"

Azriel shrugged "It wasn't". I rolled my eyes and sat down on the edge of the bed, keeping a big enough distance between us so I wouldn't start thinking about his looks or the way his hair was so pullable or the way his lips...

"Who did you fight with? Didn't Rhys send us with orders of keeping on the down. fucking. low?"

I could see his jaw clench as he refused to look at me "It doesn't matter who I fought with. Your just going to have suck it up and share the bed"

It took me great will power to not roll my eyes again. I took another deep breath "Go back to Velaris for the night"

He turned to me his eyebrows raised as if I had mentioned something stupid "What and leave you here with all those males who would love to fuck you and then slit your throat?"

I narrowed my eyes "First of all, who do you think you are telling me I can't handle a bunch of pricks. Second of all don't you dare underestimate me. Third of all-" I moved closer to him, a grin spreading as I looked at his slightly surprised expression "-are you jealous?"

It was his turn to roll his eyes "In your dreams, sweetheart" He replied, his eyes flicking down to where our legs touched and then back up to my face. I swallowed. This wasn't where I thought this conversation would go.

Luckily, the sound of the door banging gave me the opportunity to escape his hazel eyes. I opened the door to find that same Illyrian who had called me a whore. His expression however was different this time, as if he was forced to stand here and it was taking all his energy to not walk away. His face was also different. A black eye and what seemed to be a broken nose. He was also clutching his side rather strangely...as if he had broken a rib of some sort.

"What? Here to call me a whore again? Say it again. I fucking dare you" I could feel my blood rushing around my body, my fists clenched ready to punch the shit out of this asshole but unfortunately it looked like he had learnt moral decency.

He shifted from one foot to another, his wings folding and opening again before he cleared his throat "I uh...wanted to apologise for what I said earlier"

I raised an eyebrow "You do?"

He nodded his head but I could tell he meant the complete opposite "I shouldn't have called you a whore...I'm-" He cleared his throat again before wincing in pain, his hand clutching his side again. "I'm sorry" He rushed out quickly. I crossed my arms. I was tired. If I wasn't I would have asked him to repeat it.

"Okay well I don't accept your apology, you can go fuck yourself now" I closed the door in his face, locked the door and turned to Azriel eyeing him suspiciously.

"Did you know that guy?" I asked moving over to the bathroom and stopping outside the door to wait for his answer.

Azriel shook his head from where he was sitting on the bed "Nope. Never seen him. Looked pretty messed up didn't he?"

"Hmm" I replied not knowing what to say. I had a feeling Azriel had something to do with it. I went into the bathroom, changed out of my leathers and into my night clothes before stepping out. I wished and wished and wished I hadn't packed shorts for the night. It was already so cold the fire only doing so much if I sat in front of it. While I had been in the bathroom Azriel had changed too, having already laid down on his back, his arm over his eyes. I let out a sigh "So your not going back to Velaris?"

I sat down on the bed, crossing my legs while I tied my hair back. Azriel didn't look at me "No"

I let out another sigh "And your sure there's no other cabins free?". Azriel finally looked at me his lips pressed tightly together "I don't bite"

I rolled my eyes and layed down, the lights dimmed to it being almost pitch black except the silvery moonlight coming in from the window. I pulled the blanket over me and curled up so I had as much heat as possible. Gods it was cold.

After a few minutes of me trying to sleep but failing Azriel turned to his side and faced me. He didn't even have a blanket on "Your shaking the bed" He pointed out.

"It's cold" I turned onto my other side so I didn't have to look at his piercing gaze, just his one look making butterflies erupt in my stomach. "Your so dramatic" He muttered before I felt his arm wrap around my waist and pull me closer to him, until my back met his chest and I was engulfed in his warmth. I froze for a second not knowing what to do "Is this alright?" He whispered in my ear, his voice softer than I was used to. I bit back a smile and nodded my head, settling into his hold. This was so nice. So damn nice. I shouldn't have been enjoying it but I was. It didn't take long for me to fall asleep and I couldn't help but realise that maybe being in Azriel's arms wasn't so bad.

part 2

MASTERLIST

[chiharuhashibira]

𝓗𝓮𝓵𝓵𝓸 𝓶𝓲𝓷𝓷𝓪-𝓼𝓪𝓷~

I don't think I should talk too much in this one-shot.

I'll just write it.

Little context: Saying to someone, "the sunset is beautiful isn't it" is a beautiful way to express your intense affection for them while recognising the hard part of letting them go. It's quite the opposite of “the moon is beautiful, isn't it?”.

𝓜𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑺𝒖𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒕 𝑰𝒔 𝑩𝒆𝒂𝒖𝒕𝒊𝒇𝒖𝒍, 𝑰𝒔𝒏'𝒕 𝑰𝒕?

𝐆𝐢𝐲𝐮 𝐓𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐨𝐤𝐚 𝐗 𝐆𝐍!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 (𝐌𝐨𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐧 𝐀𝐔)

Content Warnings: None ^^

Genre: Drama/Angst/Romance

"Y/N, have you ever wished that you could just live a normal life?"

"What do you mean?"

"Would you try to change anything if you could undo things?"

"I don't understand, Giyu. What are you trying to say?"

Pouting, I looked at Giyu and saw the somberness in his blue eyes. He was staring at the twilight, and I couldn't help but feel my heartbeat race.

Giyu looks so wonderful right now. He always does.

I never thought I would find myself in this state, a year after we became best friends. I never expected that the day when I'd fall for him would come. And yes, I know that I shouldn't feel this way, but it seems inevitable, isn't it?

I could say that everything that happened was unexpected, but it's one of the best surprises that happened to me.

Tomioka turned to look at me. There, I saw how the sun rays made him look almost ethereal and surreal at the same time. The way the beams of the sun caressed his seemingly pale skin and ravenette locks woke up the butterflies in my stomach. His deep blue orbs added fuel to the fire that caused my knees to feel weak.

Behind that somberness, a glint of wonder shone. And that brought back all the memories.

I didn't fall for him just because of his looks. I fell for Giyu because of who he is and all the things he has done for me.

This man had done so much for me in a short span of time. He knows I don't trust people that easily, and yet he has proven to me that not all are as bad as what I've portrayed them to be.

Tomioka's not the most sociable person, but when it comes to me, it seems like a new persona will suddenly show up. I could tell that he did all that he could to gain my trust.

The support that he had given me on every occasion, big or small, could be proof of everything. Our daily midnight calls and undying conversations about everything under the sun can also explain it.

He's even undergoing a rigorous training for quite a while, but yes, he makes time for me. Even the extent to which he's willing to sacrifice just to see me for six hours once or twice a month will be a testament to how dedicated this man is towards me.

Giyu's efforts didn't just gain my trust. He also unconsciously made me fall in love with him.

There are times where his notions make me think, what if he does all of this because he likes me back?

I'm his go-to person for everything. I even saw his craziest side, which seemed to hide away from the world. Giyu had unravelled himself on me slowly but surely. I am sure that every special thing that he does is just for me. Just for me.

He'd said it not once, but maybe three times. He's told me that he never usually does these things with other people. And yes, that made me quite happy and content. But again...

Why is Giyu doing this for me?

We could be friends for all eternity, but perhaps I wouldn't still be able to find the courage to ask him that.

I can't.

I just can't risk this wonderful friendship because of my curiosity.

I know I deserved to know, but do I really want to know that truth if the consequence of that would be losing him forever?

I've been asking myself another question too for so long. What if I am just delusional? What if all I am doing right now is just romanticising things that he does because I love him? What if everything is just in my head?

But why are you looking at me this way, Giyu? Why are you speaking to me so kindly that it melts me to the core? Why do you share lots of things with me? You used to use songs to tell me what you felt, until all my songs were also yours.

Why do you smile at me that way? Why do you choose to make all those sacrifices for me over anyone else?

Why is it me, Giyu?

These gentle caresses, the way you play with my hair, your embrace, and the way you hold my hand every time you have the chance to do so...

These actions are all the opposite of your aversion to physical interaction. I would never have thought I'd ever have had these experiences with you the first time I met you.

You're so gloomy.

You seem colder than the ice itself.

Then why are you radiating so much heat that it burns me?

Why me? Why is it me, Giyu?

"I'm just thinking, how would it feel if I decided to choose another path before? Like, how would it feel to have the perfect life?"

"What is the perfect life for you, though?"

"Hmm, perhaps it's like how I imagined it to be before. Having the perfect career, marrying at 25, and having my very own wonderful kids."

I wasn't able to give a retort to what you had just said. Giyu... Haven't you told me before that you didn't dream of marrying? Haven't you told me that you had never fallen in love once in your life?

Then, why are you asking me this now?

Why is it the opposite of what you told me before, again?

"Oh..."

"I mean. I just wonder how it would feel to have my own perfect family. I guess that would feel great."

"Yeah. What if you had all of those?"

"I don't know. Haven't you also asked yourself those questions?"

"I have lots of what-ifs, Giyu."

And one of those what-ifs is: what if you're now thinking this way because you want to make it happen with me?

But, of course, that would never happen. You don't like me that way, right? I'm just a friend.

It seems like no matter how I wish or manifest things to happen, you won't really fall for me, Giyu.

"Like what?"

What if you just loved me back? Why don't you just fall in love with me as easily as I fell in love with you? As far as I know, I did everything to try to show you my feelings. But it seems like it is not enough.

I'm not enough, and I'll never be enough.

"What if I'll never find love? You know me, Giyu. Behind all this shitty, tough facade, I'm a fucking hopeless romantic."

Giyu didn't answer me. Instead, he just looked back at the sunset and heaved a sigh.

"Then I guess we'll grow old together."

"Grow old together?"

He appears to be flushed by my reaction. His answer eventually shut down my hopes, which came like a flash flood.

"Just kidding. Y/N. You know what? You're still young, and I don't want you to be as miserable as me. Find love, then. Or let yourself fall in love? Whatever. The thing is, don't be too hard on yourself. Don't exhaust your heart on something that isn't worth it. You know?"

His monologue came to me like a slap in the face.

Don't exhaust your heart on something that isn't worth it.

"But how do I know if someone or something is worth it, Giyu? How do I know when to let go?"

Slowly, Giyu looked into my eyes. He seemed lost. In times like this, I wanted to be his compass. I wanted to be the answer, or at least, the light that'd guide him towards the answer. But it seems like now isn't that day, as he placed a hand over my shoulder and spoke up.

"I wish I could tell you, Y/N. But I think I won't be able to answer that. My heart is just too tired for love. I don't think I'll ever fall in love with anyone, Y/N."

He won't ever know how his words completely devastated me. How it confused me to the core.

All I want to do now is disappear.

I still wanted to ask him back. Why does he do these things for me? What's this effort all about, then?

Because if you wanted to just heal me, Giyu, you did more than that. You have been the only good thing in my life. You have been the peace that I am looking for whenever I need it. You made me think that the world is beautiful once again.

I think a tear had escaped from my eyes, as the next thing I felt was Giyu's thumb caressing my cheek. "Why are you crying? Are you okay? Did I say something wrong?" He looked concerned, and that shattered me.

I wanted to scream at him to stop with his kindness and sweet gestures, as it confuses me a lot.

But I didn't.

Instead, I buried my face in his chest and spoke up between my sobs. "I think I know the answer, Giyu."

"What are you talking about?"

I didn't answer, so Giyu pulled out and wiped my face with his hankerchief. "Hey, stop crying. I'm worried about you. Did I say anything bad?"

No, you just made me realise that I should have stopped a long time ago. I should let you go.

"No... I mean, perhaps it's just my hormones. I'm sorry."

"Okay. But you sure—"

"Yes. Giyu."

He looked at me, still having that sombre expression, so then... I gulped and looked at the sunset that he had been adoring for quite a while.

I took in the remnants of today's daylight and pointed out the horizon. I know you're used to me telling you how the moon is lovely, but perhaps that won't happen again.

"Giyu, look. The sunset is beautiful, isn't it?"

𝓜𝔂 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓽 𝓱𝓾𝓻𝓽𝓼 𝓱𝓾𝓱𝓾

I mean! Look at this one-shot T_T It hurts so much!

Idk why I had this idea all of a sudden. 🥺

Anyways. Thank you for reading!

Feel free to reblog, comment, and request!

~𝓒𝓱𝓲𝓱𝓪𝓻𝓾-𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓷🌸

[mistymisfit]

So long, Marianne II

Summary: Reader is a spy working undercover in Gotham when she meets Jason Todd, who despite her better judgement she forms a very close friendship with. This story follows their escape from Arkham asylum, their fall out and the times they run into each other as they get older.

Relationship: AK!Jason x Meta!Fem!Reader

Warnings: Graphic descriptions of violence (I'm serious, tho- in canon it's also pretty violent), angst, hurt/no comfort (for now), this series is just my excuse to write angst lol.> copied from first part but this one's more tame i think. + Fluff if you squint.

Word Count: 3k (a bit more but who cares)

Read on AO3

Part 1- Masterlist

See the end for author's notes :)

You spent hours by his side when he was unconscious, door locked from the inside just in case and extra security measures just for him. All this despite knowing you should be safe, technically-- but you still didn't trust the very people who handled your life. At one point you feel bold enough to hold his hand but it doesn't last long since you wouldn't want him to be uncomfortable if he woke up then. It was already hard enough as it was, him being mad at you and all. You stared at him, you couldn't help it since he finally looked peaceful. Your mind wandered, you couldn't believe this was the same boy who kissed you on a random rooftop overlooking the city. "Looks beautiful from up here, you can't even tell all the crime going on down there" you had said that night. He had been waiting for an opening for more nights than he'd be willing to admit. He started to bring you to rooftops and high places more often with that intention, showing you the view and to kiss you; he'd been meaning to do that for longer than that too. Your feet dangled in the air, you were both sitting on the ledge of the building and he watched you smile.

God, he thought, if I keep staring she's gonna think I'm weird. Unable to stop himself from overthinking this any longer he just went for it, the gloved hand on your cheek and his lips on yours moved so fast you didn't even have time to realize what was happening. You thought it was cute how awkward he was about it, so when he pulled after just a few seconds you giggled. Before he separated from you, you put a hand on top of the one that rested on your face and told him "Wait, do it again". Soon the kissing grew into something less than giggles and giddiness and more into needing the other like the air to breathe, and when his hands threatened to trail lower on your back you heard a cough behind you. You remembered how mortified you felt when you saw Batman himself standing behind you. Those days were way past behind you now, he wasn't the same boy as then, he had been through too much since your rooftop kissing days.

It also upset you greatly to think about how betrayed he must feel right now. First his mentor replaces him and now he finds out you've been lying to him, both things he knows thanks to the man who had been torturing him. You were mad at him too at the time, even going as far as taking it out on the new guy a couple times-- and on an eventful night on Nightwing too. You were mean to the new boy wonder, even if he tried being friendly you'd cut him off, huffing and leaving on a good day--and cussing and yelling at him on a bad one. And that night was a bad one, one of the worst, you were supposed to plant a tracker on some Russian mobster's smuggling ship. Which was going well until a few masked vigilantes decided to show up, he blew it up. He ruined your mission and the worst part was you couldn't even blame him for it because you would have done the same if you could. You didn't even take cover, you didn't have time but he pushed you to the floor and covered you with his cape to protect you from the rubble. Quickly getting up he offered you a hand when you were on the floor from the explosion and still a bit in shock but you just grunted and got up on your own. You heard him sigh behind you as you started to focus on healing the bruises and cuts scattered over your body. "You know, you could at least be polite to me, I'm not asking you to be friends", he told you finally fed up with your attitude towards him. "Fuck you" you replied shortly and heard him scoff before saying "I just saved you". He recriminated, as if you owed him anything for that. He could've just let you die and you would have been more grateful. You glared at him and announced loudly that you were leaving, he grabbed your wrist and only got to say the word hey before you interrupted him. "I could make your heart stop right now," you threatened "I should make you drop dead on your feet". "Do it, see how it ends for you, hunted down by Batman", he taunted and you replied "Let him, I should've killed him long ago".

And then Nightwing swooped in to stop the argument from turning physical, he asked-ordered-- Robin to let you go and he listened. You were almost out of earshot when you heard "Just forget it man, the suit doesn't come with the girlfriend", everything stopped. Literally, your emotions got the best of you and you stopped time. Everything froze, you don't how far but blinded by rage you walked back, took one the sticks from his back and tased Nightwing with his own weapon. Time moved again, and the older one fell to the floor. Robin just looked at you in shock, when? how did you do that? His eyes went to his brother, groaning in pain and then back to you, throwing the escrima stick back to its owner, coldly calculated to be just right out of his reach. "the suit doesn't come with the girlfriend" you mocked in a childish tone, completely contradictory to your violent actions at the moment when you pushed your boot to his neck. You thought it was a shame since you actually liked him, you thought he was more reasonable than Batman. Robin tried to stop you, to no avail since you hit him right in the neck with your elbow without looking back. It felt almost like you had eyes on your back. He coughed, getting the air inside his lungs again. And in their confusion you pulled out a gun, aimed at Robin so he had no choice but to stay back.

"Marianne, stop" You looked back at him, standing tall and menacing, the man himself calling you by your supposed real name, the name he wasn't supposed to know. You weren't scared of him, in fact you looked at him and pushed in harder, cutting his airflow like you were taught. You could feel his hands weakly trying to pull you away, somehow whatever humanity was left in you was stuffed away in the furthest corner of your mind. He shoot a batarang that landed on your leg, it hurt yet you didn't flinch as the blood pours down, you double down by pulling the safety trigger off without breaking eye contact. "You wouldn't kill them" He spoke, his voice almost like a growl mean to scare you. You scoffed and told him he didn't know shit about you, he really didn't but what you didn't expect was him stating things you had only told Jason. "You're religious and you pray for your missing sister. Do you think your God would allow this?", the shock made you loosen your grip and the man under your foot managed to free himself and gasped for air. "Honestly, God and you both can go fuck yourselves" you bit back, before taking the weapon out of your skin, finally allowing to heal your wound. You shot it back at him, right in his shoulder, the weak point. "Leave," he ordered "I'll handle her". It was quite impressive how spot on your aim was on your non dominant hand but also unexpected, you were breaking your cover. He let you land a few hits, you knew he was letting you win a bit. But soon the cussing turned into silent sobs, "I hate you" you cried, a fist weakly hitting his armor-covered chest. "How could you?" You sniffed and he patted your back in an effort to comfort you.

Eventually you fell asleep, sitting on a chair with your head resting on the bed in front of you. The first thought he has when he wakes up is how stupid it all was; that he felt so angry at you yet he couldn't help but find your sleeping face adorable. He will wake you up so you can give him some answers but right now he can indulge himself, tucking your hair behind your ear so he can see you better. Feeling your hair now soft and clean and how free of wounds you looked, he marveled at how you seemed healthy again. This wasn't the first time he watched you sleep, there was that time he was injured and he hadn't seen you all night. He thought maybe you stayed home--you did, you only left at night when you had a mission and that night you hadn't. When he got to your building and saw you in your room he waited, you were praying. He didn't know you were religious at all, he never asked either. So he sat in quiet on the emergency stairs, in pain until you finished. Out of respect for your faith, and you, he wouldn't interrupt that.

He finally knocked on your window after he saw you sitting at your desk, papers scattered all over it. You turned to were the noise came from and when you saw him, you quickly gathered everything on your desk to hide before even letting him in. "Hey, what were you doing?" He asked, holding his side where it hurt, probably a broken rib he thought. "Studying, I have a test tomorrow" you lied, helping him in and guiding him to sit on your bed. "Think I broke a rib" he grunted, lifting his hand so you could help him get his armor off. His eyes went from the bruise on his side to you as you healed him, sight fixed on your focused expression as the pain left. "Feel any better?" you gave him a smile and he just wanted to kiss you senseless right then. "Yeah, thanks" he wanted to spend more time with you, he was trying to find any excuse to stay before you handed back his clothes. "So, uhm, are your parents here?", you shook your head no saying they were out on some business trip. "How long were you at my window?", fuck he got caught, he replied "a while" in a weak and embarrassed tone.

He noticed the jewelry you wore, that you probably left at home to avoid being recognized. The earrings, the watch, and the dainty chain you had. He took the last one in his between his fingers, playing with the pendant and asking you about it. "I'm not really- my mom believed in this more than me" you explained, "but I do it to feel closer to her". He appreciated the vulnerability you were showing then, you had told him that your parents died in a car accident--lie-- and you were adopted. You never really talked about your biological parents until now. He let go of your pendant to hold your hand, you were sitting next to each other in your bed, awfully close to the point his leg was pushed to yours next to it. "I don't wanna talk about it," you started "are going to kiss me like the other night?". You were looking up at him through your lashes, giving him a look he just couldn't say no to. He knew you said that to distract him, but he would be damned if it wasn't working. Your hands worked on taking his utility belt off, and he let you take his weapons from him, he allowed himself to be vulnerable around you to let his guard down. How could he not when you were asking him so nicely to stay for a little longer? Later that night Jason ended up falling asleep with you in his arms after you did, because moving would've meant waking you up and he'd never do that, he stayed for hours like a cat owner watching their pet sleep on their lap. But still woke up to Bruce waiting for him in the alley that your window faced, ready to tell him all about how irresponsible he had been. You were wearing the same jewelry right now, as you sleep but your relationship wasn't the same as it was then. He wondered how much of what you told him that night was true.

He decides he's had enough of going down memory lane and puts a hand on your shoulder, gently but firmly shaking you so you will wake up. It doesn't take much effort since you were already on edge and too nervous when you passed out next to him. Your head quickly jerks up in an almost painful motion that wouldn't surprise him if you got whiplash.

"You're awake" you whisper, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes.

"Hm, thanks" He replies through gritted teeth and you know this is the nicest thing you'd get from him in this situation. "Where are we?"

"A safe house in Chicago, you've been out for a while" You explain, and your eyes follow him sitting up on the bed and yanking the iv off his arm. He's getting ready to leave, you thought. "Are you okay? Do you want me to get rid of that scar for you?"

"Leave it, I don't want you anywhere close to me" He swats off the hand you had close to his face. He turns his back to you, putting on the shoes you left for him. It made you feel pathetic, you've done so much for him knowing he may never forgive you. And yet you were ready to screw yourself even more to help him.

"I'm sorry, I swear I was going to tell you"

"When? You lied to me about everything," He turns to see you over his shoulder when he says that, just to look you in the eye and gauge at your reaction. He had a right to be angry, but you still couldn't help the tears that started to form in your eyes "How can I trust you? I don't even know your name"

Jason was just being mean, he knew you saved him and helped him escape. He was expressing himself with anger since it was easier to acknowledge than what he really felt, scared and sad. Anger he could manage, he could make himself out to be violent and scary. But his own fear, his own sadness and recognizing how lonely he felt finding out the person he trusted the most lied to him, that he could not manage.

"Jason-" Your tone was weak, you didn't want to speak if you knew your voice was going to break mid sentence. But you couldn't let him think those horrible things about you "most of what I told you is true"

"Like what? Bet your parents didn't even die in a car accident, and you don't even have a sister" Jason yells. He nailed it, you didn't know how they died, you just knew they were dead and for your sister... you did have one, but for her safety you shouldn't have been stupid enough to tell him.

"They are dead," You suddenly feel small, like that little girl being violently trained all over again.

"Where's the exit?" He coldly asks, standing up and ready to leave through that door. You knew if he left it'd be the last time you see him, so you had to stop him. Moving faster than him, you put your back on the door and face him.

"I'll tell you everything, just please wait" You beg, holding his gaze and trying to decipher his thoughts to no success, his expression was stone-cold. All you could get from him is knowing how furious he was.

"How much of it was a lie?" He questions again. "Did you even mean it when you said you loved me?"

"Of course I love you!" Now you were starting to get pissed off too. Was he so blind he couldn't tell that? He didn't get it from ruining your mission just to save his life? Was his head that thick that stopping the bleeding from his wound until you were over-using your powers meant nothing?

"Then leave with me" The offer takes you by surprise, and your expression softens. Your brows relax until you're not furrowing them any more, and your lips part in a gasp. What? He was so cold and now he wants you to run away with him "Help me kill him"

"I can't" You turn your face to the side to avoid his eyes, to avoid looking at him if it meant seeing him mad at you again. You were not a spy out of your free will, they had something on you. And with your power you were too much valuable of an asset to be lost. Though you couldn't tell him that, that was the one thing you were willing to keep from him. The only thing you held as dear as him in your heart, sometimes even more so than him.

"Give me a reason" He demands, hovering over you and putting an arm on the door to cage you in.

"I can't tell you" You whisper, unable to look him in the eye.

"Of course," Jason scoffs and takes a step back, he couldn't believe he was foolish enough for one second to believe that you'd say yes "you'll never change"

"You're being mean," You sniff and wipe off the tears from your face as fast as you can. Then you put your hand in one of your pockets, looking for something. You push the credit card to his chest, pushing him in the process. He lets it fall to the ground, not reacting "take it, you have about 48 hours before they notice"

You unlock the door before stepping away from it, pushing him out of your way to reach for the duffle bag on the floor. You throw it at him, now you were angry too. Your patience grew thin, you were as understanding as you could and this is how he pays you, not extending the same courtesy, being selfish. You understood he had been rotting in that Arkham wing for a year but you were there too, he didn't have the monopoly on suffering. All Jason could think about was how he felt, what was done to him, not considering for a second what was done for him. Read, you risking your own neck for him. And now you were tired of it, he wanted to leave you? Then he could be your guest.

"This is for you too, no trackers I made sure of it" He stands quiet as you open the door "Door is right this way"

You lead him to the exit of the apartment, disabling all security measures on your way. He doesn't get the sudden change of attitude, of course he liked it better when you were low energy, just apologizing to him. He knows he must've pushed a button to have irritated you this much. Whatever the reason was for you to stay on this life must clearly be important to you, at least that is what he thinks pissed you off. A reason bigger than your love for him. The love that he kept questioning, yeah he deserved to be kicked out like that. He watched you hesitate to open the front door, and he understood too that when he walked out there was no turning back. "And Jason?" He turns to see you and you whisper your name. The real name your parents gave you for the first time in years. And he remembers it, your voice repeats it over and over again in his head. Cute name, he thought. It belonged to you, not your bosses, not your agency, it was yours and about one of the very few things you owned. And he knew, you finally told him even when you shouldn't have. Even when you were specifically instructed not to do that. But it doesn't matter even if it was the last time you saw him, you wanted him to know. He had to know. Only a few minutes after he leaves you allow yourself to break down, letting the tears fall as much as they please. Because you knew you had to be over it by tomorrow, that you have to leave it behind you forever.

A/N: hi, idk when will I post part 3 but just know it's in the works 🫡🫡.

[montammil]

frothing at the mouth and begging for more cruel lawrence content. either with marshall and nathan but since you mentioned nathan had it the worst, could you write something for that?

I've been so busy and burnt out lately, but I pushed through for once lol. I've written Nathan being tortured before, but since this has been sitting in my inbox forever, I decided I'd give it another go.

TW: Torture with hot iron, failed escape attempt, parental whumper, burns, infantilizing behavior

...

Even when Nathan tried to conform to Lawrence's twisted views on family and parenting, he always did something wrong. Even if he hypothetically didn't hate Lawrence's guts, he wasn't nearly as much of a lovey-dovey person as his captor was.

When Lawrence would hear what he deemed as a sarcastic comment or rude tone, he'd give him a warning and blank stare that hid any emotions that might be bubbling underneath the surface.

The situation was so bizarre, it was almost funny to him. How many people in the world had gotten kidnapped by a delusional man who believed he was their father?

Not a lot, he could assume. How unlucky could one be, right?

It seemed that Nathan was one of those people.

Surprisingly, Nathan's least favorite punishments weren't getting tortured in the basement. The punishments he hated the most were the infantilizing ones, where Lawrence would talk down to him like a goddamn baby, and then go make him stand in a corner or something equally degrading.

At least Lawrence treated him like the adult he was when he kicked him repeatedly in the ribs and called him every name in the book.

Nathan had a high tolerance for pain. He thought that was the farthest Lawrence was willing to go, physically speaking. As much as Lawrence liked to play daddy, Nathan didn't think he'd ever go so far as to truly hurt his "kid".

How wrong he was.

For a week now, he managed to pretend to be the sweet little angel Lawrence wanted him to be. Lawrence would see through his sardonic comments or wry tone and Nathan would get a warning look.

It would stop there, thankfully. Maybe if he played his cards right, he could gain Lawrence's trust and get the hell out of here.

The biggest issue was he could barely even be physically close to Lawrence without cringing and feeling his stomach turn. His fist wanted to act on its own when the blond bastard would call him "sweetheart" or kiss his forehead.

"You're quiet today," Lawrence mentioned at breakfast.

Nathan poked at the pancake on his plate with a fork. He wasn't very hungry. "I'm fine. I just didn't sleep well."

Lawrence tilted his head in sympathy. "I'm sorry, bud. Did you have another nightmare?"

He hated being reminded of that. One night he woke up screaming because of a nightmare--about Lawrence, of course. Lawrence had rushed into his room and cradled him in his arms like an infant.

It was nauseating. Nathan could remember vividly how his body had shuddered in fear when Lawrence insisted on holding him for the rest of the night.

The only reason Nathan allowed it was because Lawrence had hurt him badly the previous night. The last thing he wanted was another violent punishment so soon after his last one.

"No," Nathan lied. "It wasn't a nightmare. I just couldn't sleep."

Lawrence frowned, lifting his eyebrows in worry. "That's no good. Maybe you need a nightlight. Would that help?"

Nathan didn't know whether to laugh or cry at that suggestion. Sometimes he wondered if Lawrence was directly trying to piss him off.

"Sure," Nathan decided to humor him. "A nightlight might help."

Lawrence's features softened in happiness, thinking he had found a solution to a problem that wasn't even there. "Anything for you, buddy. You know that."

He took a bite of his pancake so he wouldn't have to say anything back to that. He finished the rest of his breakfast quickly and put his plate in the sink. Nathan wasn't in the mood for interacting with Lawrence today, so he went into his room and tried to nap.

Nathan didn't actually manage to get much sleep. He was exhausted, but the memories of everything Lawrence had done to him wouldn't stop playing over and over in his head.

If he didn't go insane in here, it'd be a miracle.

At one point, Nathan could hear his bedroom door opening. He buried his face under his pillow, pretending to be asleep. Lawrence must have bought the act, because Nathan heard him close the door.

After a few more minutes of laying down, Nathan sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes.

He was tired, but his mind was too noisy. He really needed something to do around here, or he was going to lose it. He decided talking to Lawrence was better than nothing, so he got up and headed into the living room. Lawrence was usually there, but this time there was no sign of him.

"Lawrence?" Nathan called out. No matter how much he was going to try to play nice, he was not going to call that man his dad. No way in hell. "Where are you?"

There was no answer, which was odd. Usually Lawrence was in the living room at this time.

He frowned, beginning to wonder if maybe he had gone out. He looked out the front window to see his car still there. That meant Lawrence was definitely here somewhere.

Nathan trudged back up the stairs until he heard him talking. He was using that different tone of his voice, more professional. Oh. He was on a business call, or maybe even doing some kind of interview or audition. He was usually on those calls for hours at a time, which meant Nathan was always restrained while Lawrence did his work.

This was a perfect opportunity he couldn't just not take advantage of. It was risky, but his gut was telling him to give it a shot.

He crept back down the stairs and to the front door. Knowing Lawrence, his room was likely locked and he probably had his keys and phone on him anyway, but maybe if he could find something to pick the lock with...

Nathan looked through the kitchen drawers and found a paperclip. It would have to do. He carefully inserted it into the hole, feeling around for a moment before the lock clicked and the door opened.

For a brief moment, he hesitated. Was it really that easy? Could he really just walk out that door?

No alarms, no locks, no Lawrence holding him back?

He stepped outside, shutting the door quietly behind him. As soon as it was shut, he took a deep breath and ran as fast as his legs would take him.

On his left was the eerily bleak and empty beach, and on his right was a thick forest that surrounded the house, that was somehow even creepier.

Nathan made a split second decision and ran for the forest, hoping there would be a road there.

He ducked under trees, sidestepped bushes, and leapt over rocks and sticks. He didn't stop running even when his legs began to feel like lead. Even when he had the wind knocked out of him by a low-hanging branch. He kept running.

For what felt like a lifetime, Nathan continued through the woods. It was mostly silent, save for his heavy breathing and footsteps on the ground below.

After a while, he slowed down so he could catch his breath and assess his surroundings.

Nothing looked familiar. There was a bit of sun coming through the leaves and branches of the trees above, but the sun would soon be gone. The farther he walked, the darker the area became. Nathan had never been afraid of the dark, but something about this place just made him uncomfortable.

Even if he wanted to return to Lawrence, to admit he fucked up and take whatever brutal punishment he'd be given, he wasn't sure if that was even an option right now. He had no idea where the hell he was.

Nathan gulped, deciding to keep walking.

The birds were going to bed, but a few cicadas and frogs remained awake. Their song was the only thing breaking the silence.

For the first time since his escape, Nathan began to doubt himself. Maybe running away was a bad idea.

After what felt like hours, he finally saw something other than trees and bushes.

A road, finally.

He sprinted down the hill to the pavement, breathing a sigh of relief when he saw there was a car heading down the road. Nathan held up his arm to flag the car down. It didn't stop for him.

Nathan couldn't help but groan. "You've gotta be kidding me."

He spent so long getting through those damn woods that the sun had completely gone down. And now here he was, following the road from the side and waiting for another car to come by.

Despite how late it was getting, Nathan was determined to get out of here. He'd follow this road for miles if he had to.

Hours passed, and the weather began to grow colder. It was practically pitch black now. Nathan's feet hurt from walking so much, and his hands were freezing. He wished he had grabbed a jacket or something before running out.

Nathan wasn't sure how long he'd been walking down the road before he heard something in the distance.

Headlights.

He perked up, running a few yards and holding out his arm again. "Please stop," he pleaded. "Please."

The car stopped right in front of him.

Nathan's heart leaped with joy. He jogged around to the driver's side window. "Hi, I--"

He immediately shut up when he realized who the driver was. Lawrence didn't even bother wearing that emotionless expression, he looked enraged. Nathan had never seen him look so mad.

Lawrence rolled down the window, just enough so that Nathan could hear him. "Get in," he growled.

Nathan weighed his options. He could either get into the car and face whatever consequences Lawrence had in store for him, or he could try to outrun him. But even he knew that was a terrible idea--Lawrence had a car, and likely weapons on him too. Not to mention Nathan was already exhausted. He didn't really have a choice.

Reluctantly, Nathan climbed into the passenger's seat. He expected Lawrence to say something to him, but he was quiet.

For a moment, Nathan saw Lawrence's eyes scan over his body, looking for injuries. Nathan almost laughed at that--as if Lawrence gave a shit about whether or not he was hurt.

Lawrence began driving back the way Nathan came. Neither of them said a word for the entire ride.

Nathan stared out the window at the trees, occasionally looking back at Lawrence's profile. The only emotion he could see was anger.

He wanted to break the silence so badly. Ask him what he was going to do to him when they got back to the house, beg him not to hurt him too badly, but nothing came out. His vocal chords were frozen.

When they pulled up to the house, Lawrence parked in the driveway and shut the engine off. He exited the vehicle in silence, making Nathan shrink into himself with fear. Lawrence opened his door, gripping his wrist so tightly Nathan hissed in pain.

He practically dragged him back into the house, slamming the door behind him and locking it.

Nathan struggled to get his wrist out of his grasp. "L-Lawrence, please--"

"You're not speaking to me," Lawrence interrupted. His tone left no room for argument. He dragged Nathan down to the basement, and Nathan just wallowed in his own self-hate for feeling too paralyzed to object or fight.

He was forced to lay on his stomach and have his hands cuffed behind his back. He could hear him rummaging through things in the corner, making him swallow anxiously.

When Lawrence returned to his side, Nathan closed his eyes. He refused to watch what Lawrence was doing.

A moment later, he felt the cold metal of handcuffs attach to his ankles as well.

Lawrence exhaled deeply through his nose. "You are in big trouble, Nathan," he told him in a low voice. "Do you have any idea what you put me through? I was terrified out of my mind when I saw you were gone."

Nathan still refused to look at him, and he wasn't even going to humor him with an apology. If Lawrence was expecting him to feel guilty, he would be sorely disappointed.

"I'm disappointed in you," Lawrence continued. "You know better than to run away."

"You don't know shit about me," Nathan snapped at him.

That only seemed to anger Lawrence even more. "Wrong answer."

He could hear him move behind him and his mind raced, wondering what he was going to do. It wasn't like he hadn't been punished in the basement before, but the air felt heavier than usual. He wasn't shocked, he had never gotten as far as he did when attempting to run away. Lawrence had always been able to find him quickly.

Nathan heard something being plugged into an outlet and tensed. "What are you doing?"

"I've been too lenient with you. This is the last time something like this happens again."

His words sent a shiver down his spine. Nathan wanted to shrink into himself when he felt Lawrence lift up the back of his shirt, exposing his bare skin to the cold air of the basement. "What are you doing?!" Nathan repeated frantically. "Stop it!"

Lawrence didn't say anything back to that. He thrashed and tried to buck Lawrence off of him, but he didn't budge.

"Lawrence, what the fuck are you doing?! Let me go!" Nathan yelled. "I'm sorry! Please, I'm sorry!"

"No, you're not," Lawrence argued calmly. "You're only sorry because you got caught."

Nathan's brain was racing at a million miles per hour, trying to figure out what Lawrence was doing. After a few more minutes of meaningless pleading and horrifying tension, he felt something on his back and screamed at the contact.

Whatever it was, it felt like it was burning him, and Nathan thrashed even more violently than before.

Lawrence didn't react to his cries other than putting more pressure on the object against his skin. Nathan could hear Lawrence mumble something along the lines of "it'll be over soon, kiddo."

The younger man was seeing stars behind his eyelids while he screamed in agony. This was so much worse than all the times Lawrence had tortured him before--he wanted to die. Anything was better than this excruciating pain. He could hear his skin sizzling through his own screams of torment.

After what felt like an eternity, the torture finally stopped. Lawrence set down the object he had been using, and Nathan sobbed in relief, hearing it make contact with the hard concrete floor.

He wanted to turn around and look at what the hell Lawrence did to him, but it was excruciating to even move in the slightest.

Lawrence sighed above him, as if this was just a chore that he was happy to be done with.

"Are you going to run away again?" he asked in a gentle voice.

"No," Nathan choked out through sobs. If it weren't for the fear of the iron coming back into play, he would've told him to go fuck himself.

"Good." Nathan stayed still while Lawrence undid his bindings. He was exhausted and barely had the energy to move. He laid on the ground, trembling, while Lawrence stroked his hair gently. "Poor thing," he murmured sympathetically. "Are you gonna listen to me from now on?"

Nathan didn't even care about saving face anymore, he was in so much pain that he'd probably agree to anything Lawrence said at this point. "Yes."

"That's my boy," Lawrence praised him. "It's okay, pumpkin. It's all over now. Dad's got you."

Those words were the last thing Nathan wanted to hear right now. He had been tortured with an iron, and Lawrence had the nerve to call himself his dad?

The two of them remained in the basement for a while, Nathan weeping on the floor while Lawrence cooed at him in a soothing tone of voice.

Eventually Lawrence got him to stand up on his feet, and led him up the stairs to the bathroom so he could clean his wound.

Lawrence dabbed the burn with rubbing alcohol, causing Nathan to squirm and grit his teeth in discomfort. When that was over, he carefully bandaged it. It made moving around very difficult, but the throbbing pain was starting to become slightly more bearable.

After Lawrence was done cleaning up, he took Nathan into his room and tucked him into bed.

Nathan usually slept on his back, but had to settle for his side for now. Lawrence ran his fingers through Nathan's dark locks. Nathan could make out his eerie smile through the dim lighting.

"Do you have any idea how lucky you are that I found you?" Lawrence's smile faltered. "What if someone bad decided to pick you up? You could've ended up dead in a ditch somewhere. I'd be heartbroken."

Nathan turned his face into the pillow so Lawrence couldn't see the fury on his features.

"If something happened to you, I would never forgive myself." Lawrence tucked some of Nathan's hair behind his ear. "I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

Then die, Nathan bitterly thought.

Lawrence leaned down to kiss Nathan's forehead. "I love you." Nathan didn't reply back, and Lawrence didn't seem to mind that. He simply smiled again and stood up straight. "Goodnight, sweetheart."

Nathan waited until Lawrence had shut the door and locked it to finally let himself cry. He bawled his eyes out into his pillow, shaking with sobs until he fell asleep from pure exhaustion.

[dazaiandhislovelybandages]

omg a gintama page!! can i please request gintoki with a curly head s/o

The way of the curls {Gintoki Sakata}

A/n: I'm currently in Florence and honestly the joy I got when I woke up to requests cannot be described. On that note, it might take some time to write them so please be patient. Anyways, hopefully you'll enjoy this 🥰

Pairing: Gintoki Sakata x curlyhead!reader

Trigger warnings: none

Believe it or not Gintoki is a man who knows about hair. He knows the struggles of having naturally wavy hair even though he barely takes care of his own. He also knows that your hair isn't naturally straight.

"You straighten your hair." He said, not even trying to hide his annoyance.

"Um... not always...?" You placed your cup of tea on the table and took a seat next to him on the couch, practically forcing him to sit properly since until then he had been laying down reading his JUMP.

"I've never seen you with-"

"What do you want Gin?" Letting out a sigh, you brought the cup of tea to your lips and took a sip.

"Do you know how much I struggle? Have you got any idea of how much effort I have to put in in order to maintain those waves?"

"You just wash your hair and let it air-dry..." You mumbled, not even looking at him. Gintoki gasped as he rose up, his hands on his hips like an angry mum.

He didn't give you any time to react. In a matter of seconds, your cup of tea was on the table and you were following him to the bathroom.

"Wash your hair."

"You're paranoid."

"You're a bad example to Kagura." He shook his head in disappointment as he took a seat on the toilet -the toilet lid was open. "Relationships are meant to be a matter of trust. A m-"

His eyes widened as he saw you bringing the shower head to your hair and after bending over so your clothes wouldn't get wet, you started washing your hair.

A few minutes later, after having dried your hair to the best of your abilities with the towel, you leaned against the bathroom sink and looked at him.

"Happy?"

He didn't say anything, just shrugged and stood up to leave, pinky finger already in his nose. But you knew from the way he side-eyed you that he would prefer it if you never straightened your hair, at least when with him. And you could swear he mumbled something along the lines of 'nice curls' before leaving the bathroom.

Needless to say that for the rest of the day he played with your curls, placing a finger inside one or bouncing them in the palm of his hand. He even told Kagura to do the same.

[hunzzzzz]

Fight for you - Chapter 3 : The exes

Kendall Roy x original female character

TW : SMUT !!! Read at your own risk 😩🤚🏽

A/N : okay so this is really long 11k+ words I’m sorry. I was gonna write it in 2 parts but it just needed to be all together !!

I woke up the next morning, with a smile on my face, which faded as quick as it came. I stuck my tongue down Kendall Roys throat. I groaned, cradling my head in my hands, how could I have been so reckless? Allowing myself to get swooped up by his sweet words. This was a future scandal just bubbling beneath the surface, ready to erupt any second. I had worked too hard, to get to the position which I’m at now at Waystar, and to jeopardise that over this man was not worth it. And with that I cut off the wings of the butterflies, not allowing myself to get lost in them again. Vowing to think with my head, and not my vagina from now on.

I had managed to successfully avoid Kendall all morning, the distance was necessary, my mind scrambled to mush when he was close, all logic flew out the window. 

At around lunch time, I heard a light tap on my door, my heart skipped a beat as my mind went to Kendall, but to my luck it was Steve.

Myself and Steve had become more than colleagues over the years, I considered him my closest friends. We oversaw numerous projects together, bounced ideas off of each other. We had synergy, he was the only person in my department who didn't see me as the enemy. He wasn't trying to stab me in the back at any given chance, instead we both wholeheartedly supported each other.

“Hope I'm not interrupting”, he grinned, strolling in and plonking down on the chair in front of my desk.

“Not at all.” I smiled, shutting my laptop. “What's up?”

“Lunch at our spot?” He asked, holding his hands together in a prayer. “I’m starving, and I fear if I eat the cafeteria food one more time this week, I might die from malnutrition or food poisoning or maybe even a combination of both.” 

Feeling my stomach rumble, I agreed, and decided to ignore Kendall's message requesting to meet him for lunch. I needed a distraction, to rid myself of him living in my mind rent free. We made our way to a little cafe tucked away in a quiet street, only a 10 minute walk  from work. We sat down with our regular order.

“So what’s going on with you,” he asked with a knowing look,  “I hear you're entangled with Kendall Roy?” 

“Oh great. So that's spread," I groaned. This is exactly what I was afraid of when he showed up at the 9th floor yesterday, unannounced. 

“He's actually insufferable,” I felt guilty for lying, but what else was I supposed to say? Admit that I indulged in a steamy makeout with the COO of our company the night before? 

“He's just invested in my project, it was really random, I think he's just trying to prove something to his father,” I shrugged nonchalantly.

“Mhm, invested in your project or invested in you?” He gave me a questioning look.

“Please, I wouldn't go near him with a 10 foot pole. Trust me.” Another lie.

“Yeah good, I thought maybe you were going through a quarter life crisis. He's bad news, don't get caught up in it,” He warned me.

After my previous relationship almost ended me, Steve had grown quite protective of me like an older brother I never had. 

“I appreciate the concern. Thank you, but I promise you that will never happen. I'm just keeping my head down, working on this project with him. The sooner it's done, the sooner he'll be out of my hair.” I reassured Steve.

“Okay, okay," he nodded, easily convinced, “But now that I have you here, I need to ask you for a favour.”

“No, absolutely not. Whatever fight you have going on with Catherine this time. I'm not getting involved, last time-” I began defensively crossing my arms over my chest not wanting to get involved in whatever tiff he and his girlfriend –who I had grown to adore– had going on. 

“Jesus woman, will you let me finish.” He cut me off, rolling his eyes. “I was going to ask if you would come to the Waystar charity Gala with me tonight.” He finished looking up at me with his puppy dog eyes. “Please, Catherine’s out of town this week and I need a pretty lady on my arm if I'm going to get any donations.”  

“You want me to spend my Friday evening at a work event? Sorry Steve but it's a hard pass,” I shook my head.

“Please Harper, I’ll owe you one. Lunch on me for the next year.'' I sighed, finally agreeing to go, seeing as he was so desperate. 

It's the least I could do to repay him for the endless favors he had done for me. Staying late at the office helping pick up my slack, covering for me when I took time off due to my devastating break up. 

We made our way back to the office, after a much needed catch-up on all the gossip. 

“Yup and now she’s pregnant, and she's keeping it.” Steve chuckled as we stepped into the lobby.

I threw my head back laughing, clutching onto his arm, almost losing my balance. “Oh my god, shut up. I'm gonna pee.” I said in between giggles, the large coke I had for lunch was catching up to me. “We need to stop talking before someone hears us.” 

From the corner of my eye, I saw the last person I wanted to see approach us.

“What's so funny?” Kendall asked, his eyes fixated on my hand on Steve's arm, which I immediately dropped. His eyes flashing with anger, possibly even jealousy?

Steve wasn't unattractive, he was a conventionally good looking guy, he was tall with broad shoulders. I know the women on the 9th floor swooned over him, running to make copies for him with the snap of his fingers, waiting by the door with his coffee in hand every morning. But to me he was just Steve, the guy who burps in my face after inhaling a burger or comes to me with his endless relationship problems. 

“Nothing.” I quickly sobered up from my lunchtime giddiness, and put on a facade of professionalism.

“Uh-huh.” He didn't seem convinced, he finally looked over to Steve and plastered on a fake smile, “Kendall Roy,” He stuck out his hand.

“The man himself. Steve Murphy, pleasure to meet you,” Steve put on a fake smile matching Kendalls, giving him a firm handshake, a silent standoff. The tension in the lobby was heavy between both men who disapproved of each other, both for their own reasons.

Kendall finally released the handshake and turned to me pressing his lips in a straight line, “Could I grab you for a second Harper?” 

“Yeah sure, Steve go ahead, I’ll see you later,” Steve furrowed his brows, but didn’t press any further though I could tell he wanted to. He gave a curt nod and left.

Kendall guided me to a quiet corner, placing his hand on the small of my back, but I swatted it away, weary of on-lookers. The last thing I needed was more rumors going around about me. People were just starting to forget that I was the sad, pathetic woman whose fiance had an affair with her best friend. 

Kendall stood across from me with jaw clenched.

“Can I help you with something?” I asked, deciding to cut through the tension.

“I thought you didn't go out for lunch? Fucking, with your, uh, endless piles of work you have,” he narrowed his eyes.

“First of all not that it's even any of your business but I had some free time today.  And second of all, I couldn't say no to Steve, I owed him one.” 

“Uh-huh. You owed him one?” He probed, as if it was an interrogation and I was some kind of criminal on the loose. 

“Don't worry about it,” I waved him off, “Okay if that is all, then I really have to get back,” I tried to step past him to leave, but he blocked my path

“No, actually, uh, I did want to ask you something,” he cleared his throat, a flash of nervousness breaking through. “Are you free tonight? I have this charity Gala thing I have to give a speech at, and I was wondering if you would, uh come with me?”

“Oh,” I stared at him blankly, “I actually already have a date for that.” I made a mental note in my head to thank Steve and give him a massive kiss on the cheek, for saving me from having to be Kendall's date.

“With who?” He asked, his mouth agape, “Is it that Stewart guy?

“It's Steve and like I said it’s none of your business,” I leaned in to whisper in his ear, before making my exit. “But I'll see you there,” I smiled over my shoulder, leaving him standing in the lobby, dumbfounded.  

I left work early and stopped by a boutique on the way home. I had to dress to impress if I was going to help Steve land some donations tonight. Picking out a dress took more time than I had intended, I wanted to look good tonight, not for anyone in particular. Though the thought of Kendall kept creeping its way into my mind, I wondered which gown would he like? If he preferred red or black. I tried to convince myself that I wanted to feel sexy for myself and not for anyone else’s approval or validation.

I rushed home cutting it close to 7 pm, I quickly showered and began getting ready. Steve was picking me up at 8 and J could already hear him complaining about my tardiness. I finished doing my makeup, adding a deep red lipstick. I slipped into my gown adjusting myself in the mirror. I had decided on wearing a black satin gown, with a deep plunge neckline. I couldn’t remember the last time I had put in this much effort for an event, or a person. I hated myself for caring so much about it. 

Text message 

Steve : Uber. Downstairs. Now. Hurry. 

I hurriedly grabbed my valentino clutch, which I had thrifted when I first moved to the city, throwing my phone, cigarettes and lipstick in before scurrying out the door. 

“God could you have taken any longer,” Steve sighed dramatically, as I slid into the backseat, “It's 8:05, what time did we agree on?”

“Calm your tits, being 5 minutes late isn’t gonna kill anyone,” I rolled my eyes, checking my makeup in my compact mirror.

Steve took a closer look at me, taking in my appearance. “Damn,” he let out a low whistle, “you went from 0 to 100 real quick. It's like an episode of catfish,” he chuckled, “Who are you looking this good for?”

“Your dad,” I retorted, laughing when I saw his scrunch his face in disgust. “No you’re right, I should've pulled up in sweats and glasses, that would really attract all the 70 year old men into emptying their pockets for you.” My voice dripped with sarcasm.

“Awww you did all this for me?” He smiled, clutching a hand over his heart, wiping away a fake tear. “That's so kind of you. How can I ever repay you?”

“Shut up,” I swatted his arm, “Drinks are on you.” 

The banquet hall was bustling with people who were much more important than me. I looked around at the sea of women wearing designer dresses from fendi to dior as they clutched an arm around men almost triple their ages. 

Steve immediately began mingling, or as he called it ‘networking’, and of course he dragged me along. He grabbed us 2 complimentary champagnes from the wait staff and began speaking to an older gentleman. 

“Mr Monroe, glad you could join us tonight. Where's the Mrs?” Steve greeted him, shaking his hand.

“Oh, you know Mrs Monroe, she was in the Bahamas last and now I'm hearing she's in Milan for fashion week. She won't rest until she bleeds me dry from all I’m worth,” He grumbled, “And who's your lovely date here?” 

Mr Monroe glanced over at me before his eyes dropped down to my chest, lingering there for a moment. A married man, no, actually a married senior citizen, just checked me out. The urge to vomit all over him was so strong, but I pushed it adside. With a tight lipped smile I brought my hand up to shake his instead. 

“This is my dear friend Harper, Harper Aly,” Steve introduced me as the older man grabbed my hand, bringing it to his lips to kiss it, with no consent whatsoever. I quickly pulled my hand back to my side, forcing a laugh as Steve continued talking.

This continued for another hour, we moved through the crowd of prehistoric men, buttering them up as they objectified me, raking their eyes up and down my body as they licked their crusty lips. 

I was on my 4th glass of champagne, but I needed something stronger if I was going to make it through the rest of the night. Steve handed me his card and I made my way over to the bar. 

I waved a hand to the bartender trying to get his attention, but he was preoccupied serving a handful of people. I found myself glancing around, hoping to see a familiar set of hazel eyes. I was acting like a lovestruck teenager at prom hoping to lock eyes with her crush.

“What can I get ya princess?” I turned to put a face to the voice, shocked when I recognised who it was. “Yup, that’s right. Soak in the glory,” He held a hand up gesturing to himself.

“It’s okay. I got it.” I flashed Steve’s card.  

“Roman fuck off and stop harassing the donor’s,” said the red head beside him. “Hi, Siobhan Roy,” she smiled politely, pushing past the shorter man to greet me.

“Hi, nice to meet you. Harper Aly,” I smiled, clasping her hand, awkwardly shifting on my feet, feeling intimidated under her icy blue eyes. 

“So what brings a fine piece of arm candy like yourself here tonight? Let me guess your sugar daddy promised you a new Birkin?” Roman Roy was just as obnoxious as everyone made him out to be.

“Actually I'm here for work. And that’s quite inappropriate coming from the co-COO,” I grimaced, not even trying to hide my disgust. 

“Oh my god Roman, you're disgusting. Go hit on Gerri or something. I'm sorry about him, he has some deep rooted mommy issues,” Siobhan apologized for her brother's crude comment.

“Fuck off, Shiv,” he snapped pushing past her to lean over the bar, “Hey! Yoohoo bartender! Over here! Roman Roy here!” Roman yelled, getting the bartender's attention, as he frantically rushed over, “2 whiskey on the rocks and …..” he looked over at me, ushering me to order what I wanted. 

“Seriously, it’s fine I can get my own-”

“Just fucking tell him what you want or you’re fired,” he cut me off with a devilish grin.

“Two gin and tonics, please and make it a double,” I reluctantly answered.

“See, now was that so hard?” He smirked, “Two gin and tonics for the lady and make it quick, I don’t have all night,” the bartender nodded and instantly began concocting our drinks. 

“You can put away daddy’s card princess, I got this,” his voice low as he leaned into my ear. I looked around trying to find his sister who seemed to have him on a leash. “Are you scared? I don’t bite,” he murmured, “But no promises.” 

“Scared? Please,” I snorted, “sorry if my repulsion has been misconstrued.”

“Princess, don't forget, I still own Waystar Royco. And you’re at the bottom of the food chain,” he laughed.

“Own? That's so interesting, because last I checked you’re not Logan Roy. You're just a sad little boy fighting for daddy's attention. Begging him to notice you, oh please daddy, please let me take over." I mocked pleading with my hands together.

“Dont fucking turn me on right now,” he bit his lip.

“I find you so repulsive,” my body involuntarily shuddered.

“Hey Rome, have you seen Kendall?” A brunette asked, cutting into our conversation. 

“I don't fucking know maybe, have you checked the bathrooms? He's probably there snorting lines?” He shrugged.

“Rome. I'm serious,” She said, pressing her lips into a straight line. She finally caught my eye and forced a smile. We both looked over to Roman waiting for an introduction. 

“Uh yea sure, Rava, Harper Aly from waystar, I don't know what the fuck she does there. I’m guessing the janitor by her looks.” He pointed toward me, “Harper, Rava Roy, my brother's estranged wife,” He said flatly pointing towards the other woman.

He grabbed his drinks, throwing two hundred dollar bills on the counter, and with that he was gone— leaving me alone with Kendall's wife? I stood there gobsmacked, processing the nuclear bomb Roman had just dropped on me. Kendall was married. Kendall was married when he kissed me.

I quickly excused myself, grabbing Steve and I’s drinks from the counter. I couldn’t engage with Rava, guilt pooled in the pit of my stomach.

I downed both the drinks, and grabbed 2 glasses of god knows what, from a passing by waiter and drank them swiftly. I felt the alcohol burn down my throat, hoping it would calm me down. My mind was the aftermath of Hiroshima. I couldn't think straight, or even walk straight for that matter. How could I have been so fucking stupid, tears pricked at my eyes. How could I have trusted so blindly, again. 

I spotted Steve sitting down at our table, slumping down in the seat beside him. 

“Hey, what took you so long? He asked, looking up from his phone, “Where's our drinks?” 

“Oh shit, yeah, the line at the bar was too long,” I muttered keeping my eyes glued to the table.

“What's wrong?” He asked, sensing that something was off with me, “Did you see someone?” He studied the slight tremble in my voice, my flushed skin, my lips curled into a frown.

“Hmm, no,” I shook my head vigorously, trying to seem convincing, “I'm just tired,” I offered him a weak smile, hoping he wouldn't hear the slight slur in my voice. He just stared at me, contemplating whether to push it or not but ultimately decided against it. 

“Okay but just a heads up—” he began, before getting interrupted by the screeching of a mic, everyone rushed to be seated, the speeches were starting soon.

“What?” I looked up at him with heavy eyelids, propping my head on my hand. At this point, I knew that he knew I was drunk.

He shook his head, disregarding it muttering something about it not being important. The wait staff made their way around to serve wine. I insisted that they fill my glass to the brim. I heard Steve mumbling something about bringing some water to one of the waiters. 

“I think you should slow down,” he eyed me as I continued to innocently sip my wine. I chose to ignore him, until he forcefully took my half empty glass off me, handing it off to a passing waiter.

He cut me off before I could protest, “Look I don’t know what’s going on with you or why you decided to get drunk at a work event. But we need to make it through to the end of the night,” He scolded me, pushing a glass of water towards me. 

“Whatever dad,” I rolled my eyes slowly sipping on my water.

The speeches dragged on, but I wasn't listening to a single word of it, instead my mind was heavy, weighed down by concrete thoughts of one of one man. How he had manipulated me, how he had convinced me he was good, different. How I let myself believe him so easily. Had I learned nothing? 

I snapped out of my thoughts as the last speaker made his way onto the stage, and there he was. The very man responsible for me trying to drown my problems in liquor. 

His eyes met mine, twinkling under the spotlight as he spoke. I couldn't take it anymore, I got up mumbling to Steve that I was going to the the bathroom.

I slumped over the sink, taking in my pathetic reflection in the mirror. God, I was so embarrassing, letting Kendall affect me like this. Letting him slither his way into my life like black mould. The realisation hit me hard - I was the other woman. I let him sweep me off my feet, like a fucking idiot, but maybe that was his plan all along. A challenge in his eyes, he found a wounded bird, nurtured it back to life only to shoot it down in the end for his own enjoyment. 

I scoffed at myself, spending more than I could afford on a gown just for him, a fact I wouldn't even admit to myself let alone another soul. The anger simmered in me like a pressure cooker, ready to blow any second. My self pity was quickly replaced by foul, hot fury. I left the bathroom with newfound determination. Fuck Kendall. 

Yet, fate had other plans for me. As I headed back towards the hall, I collided with a broad set of shoulders.

“Oh— I'm so sorry,” I began to apologise but the words got cut off in my throat when I locked eyes with the attacker, my fucking ex-fiancé, Will.

This was officially too much for one night. Without another word I turned on my feet and fled in the other direction, I needed to get away from him. What was he even doing here in the first place? I knew I was eventually  going to bump into him one day, it was inevitable, but why tonight? As if I didn’t already have enough going on. This must have been the heads up Steve was trying to give me.              

“Harper please, just listen,” he pleaded, grabbing my wrist in a bruising grip, but I couldn't bear to hear it. The mere sight of him was enough to make me sick to my stomach. “Let me explain, you at least owe me that much.”

“Let you fucking explain yourself Will? No, you lost that privilege when you ended up in bed with my fucking maid of honour,” I snapped, trying to keep my composure, digging my nails into his skin, trying to claw him off me, “I don’t owe you shit. So please kindly, fuck off out of my life forever.” 

Tears burned in the corner of my eyes, but I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing me breakdown.

“Harper, just listen, I'm ready to take my part of the blame,” his eyes were stone, nothing about them was apologetic as he tightened his grip around me, “But it took 2 people to breakdown this relationship—”

“Yeah, you and my fucking so called bestfriend,'' I spat, the endless liquid poison I had consumed amplifying my rage. 

My words seemed to cut through the air like a knife, drawing the attention of those around us, “Will I’m being so serious, if you don’t get your hands off me I’m going to fucking scream and make a scene right here, right now.” 

“Everything okay here?” A voice boomed emerging from the depths of hell, of-fucking-course Kendall made his way over to join the party, just what was missing. “She said let go.” Kendall demanded, clasping a firm hand on Will’s back, the noise echoed through the lobby, his presence adding fuel to the fire.

Will's eyes hardened as he pushed my arm out of his grasp and sulked away. I tumbled back from the force, Kendall quickly steadied me bringing a hand to my waist. I ripped Kendall’s arm off me and took off, almost tripping over my feet, ignoring his calls.

The cold air nipped at my skin, I continued walking, with no sense of direction. I couldn't stay there for a second longer. I felt suffocated by my thoughts.

I was beginning to get a tension headache, it was all too much now. My ex-fiance cornered me and tried to tell me I was to blame for his affair and to pile on top of that Kendall, my boss had involved me in an affair, while failing to mention he was married. 

“Harper, wait!” Kendall called out from behind me, jogging to catch up, “Are you okay?”

I was so sick of people asking me that. No I wasn't fucking okay, my life was falling apart at a rate so fast that I couldn’t even pick up the pieces and try to repair it. Each time I attempted to pick up one piece, three more came crashing down. 

“Leave me alone, Kendall,” I shouted, picking up my pace, but it was proving difficult in 4 inch heels. He was the last person I wanted to speak to. I was a couple blocks away from the venue now.

He grabbed my aching wrist  in an attempt to stop me. I flinched, sucking in a sharp breath.

Kendall let go of me in an instant, “Did he hurt you?” His eyes were two angry black points, his fists clenched by his side.

I rubbed my wrist, trying to soothe the tender skin.

“Did he fucking hurt me? What about you kendall?” I lashed out, jabbing my finger in his chest. “Oh but of course you would never hurt me right? Because you’ve convinced everyone that you're such a great guy, always coming to my rescue. Is that what you want to hear?”

He shook his head trying to understand where my aggression was coming from, how long did he think he could keep up his lie for? 

“Fuck off and have a nice life with your wife,” I turned around and took off again, not wanting to hear whatever explanation he was going to pull out of his ass.

“Harper, wait. I can explain.” I heard his footsteps still following me, from a distance. The audacity he had to continue following me after I had caught him red handed. What was it with men tonight and trying to explain all their fuck ups to me. First Will and now kendall.

“That's great, go tell your wife.”

“Harper please, fucking, just wait a second,” he persisted, running ahead of me and planting himself in front of me, his body towering over mine, “My wife and I—”

“I honestly don't care what you have to say. Nothing is going to change the fact that you're married. There's nothing for you to explain. So please just go,” I yelled exasperated, closing my eyes not wanting to  look in the eyes. 

Bitter tears escaped from my eyes, “Whatever happened on the roof, just forget about it. It was a mistake. It was my mistake.” 

I hated myself for crying, I didn’t want him to think I was hurt by him, they were tears of frustration encouraged by my drunken mind.

“Rava and I are separated,” He sighed. My eyes snapped open hearing his confession, “We've been separated for months.” 

I crossed my arms over my chest shivering, as the wind picked up. I felt him gently place his blazer around my shoulders. 

“It doesn't matter if you're separated, Kendall, you still should have told me.” l said, wiping at my eyes with the back of my hand.

“I thought you knew?” He exhaled, running a hand through his disheveled hair. “Everybody knows, it’s public knowledge.”

“I told you everything about myself, and you couldn’t mention this major detail about your life?” I looked up at him with flaming eyes. 

“You know what it doesn’t matter anymore,” I held my hands up, backing away from him, “We kissed one time. It should’ve never happened. And it will never happen again.”

“Do you really mean that?” His voice was heavy with regret. “Or are you just trying to push me away because you're afraid?”

I pinched my nose, taking a deep breath, “You are still my boss, this can't happen." I strained to explain, my voice cracking. “Unlike you I wasn’t born into wealth, I had to scrape my way up from the bottom and I’ll be damned if I let you tarnish my reputation. Us even speaking right now is inappropriate, anyone could see this and report it to HR.”

I didn't expect him to understand my concerns at all, he came from money, I didn’t. We lived in different worlds. His was full of private jet rides, maids, chefs, his biggest worry was trying to take over his father’s company. My world was subway rides, living off of cheap coffee and struggling to make rent each month.

“Harper, you don't have to worry about any of that, I promise you. I'll take care of you. I am HR, everything goes through me,” he argued, gently taking my hands in his. The street lights illuminated his to appear a lighter honey color, “If you want this, I can make it work. We can make it work.” 

Could we make it work? If he was separated, it still wouldn't be easy. His life would still be entangled with his ex-wife until they officially got divorced. Would they even get divorced, what if they reconciled? He was still my boss, rumors spread quickly. Did I really want all my accomplishments to be tainted by him? 

“I need another drink,” I muttered, meticulously weighing out the pros and cons.

“Alright, let's get you another drink then. Let's ditch this gala, I can't stand to be around those people anymore,” He smirked victoriously, leaning in to meet my lips. 

“Not here,” I pressed my hands on his chest, even though I so desperately wanted him, “we can't be seen together in public. I don't need another scandal.”

“Okay,” He thought for a moment, I could practically see the gears turning in his mind, trying to find a way to keep me close to him, “Let's go back to my place, my chef can make us something to eat, since we missed dinner.”

I pressed my lips together, conflicted. Back to his place was suggesting more than just dinner. Everything was happening so quickly, and I wasn't sure if I was ready to dive headfirst into the unknown. But the alcohol pulsing through my blood spoke louder to me, overpowering all logic. After taking one look at his plump lips, flashbacks of our kiss came back to me. Right now I wanted him— badly. I didn’t care about the complications or risks that plagued my mind moments ago.

“I also have a fully stocked bar,” He enticed me, all my nervous thoughts seemed to melt away. It was the final push I needed, the reassurance that I could drown any remaining doubts in the haze of more alcohol.

“Lead the way,” I gave him a tentative smile.

“My driver is around back,” he wrapped an arm around my shoulder, leading me to the car.

He opened the backdoor for me, and slid in next to me. He was pressed up beside me, his arm now around my waist, hand resting on my hip, his knee squished against mine. With the click of a button a partition separated us from his driver.

He turned to me, his gaze lingering on the silk gown that clung to my curves, "You look beautiful," he remarked, his voice soft and sincere. "The gown suits you perfectly."

I felt a flush rise to my cheeks at his compliment, a warmth spreading through me despite my efforts to remain composed. 

"You’re not the first person to check me out tonight," I murmured, my lips brushing against his ear lobe, “but you are the only person that didn’t make me feel nauseous after.”

"I waited all night to tell you that, from the minute you stepped foot into the hall," He confessed, "When I was making my speech, I could barely focus, seeing you sat there, looking like, like a fucking Greek godess."

“So why didn't you say it to me before?” I pouted, hearing the words I had been longing to hear all night. Not from the million other people there, but from him.

“Because I knew I wouldn't be able to control myself if you were standing in front of me,” His voice was low, in my ear sending waves of heat down my spine, aching in between my legs. I squeezed my thighs together, trying to calm myself.

He brought a hand to my jaw cradling it, “you're so fucking beautiful,” He whispered, before crashing his lips into mine, the kiss was deep yet rough. He sucked my bottom lip, a low moan escaped me.

His hands roamed my body like they had a free pass. He squeezed my ass, eliciting a gasp out of me. The mixture of alcohol and lust in my system gave me the sudden confidence to pull him closer, wrapping my arms around his neck, I battled with his tongue for dominance. 

“Kendall,” I breathed against his lips, “Your driver— he’s gonna hear….” I trailed off, losing my train of thought, as he began kissing down my neck, nipping and biting my sensitive skin, only stopping omcd the car was parked in front of his building. He stepped out offering me a hand, which I accepted, trying to calm my thrashing heart.

“God, this fucking dress was made for you,” He wrapped his arms around me, his hands resting on my ass, backing me up against the elevator wall, “Who did you wear it for?”

“I wore it for you,” I giggled, sticking my index finger in my mouth and slowly sucking it, letting it release slowly with a pop. I gently grazed my wet finger against his swollen cherry stained lips, attempting to fade away the remainder of my lipstick.

“Fuck,” He groaned, his grip tightening, “You have no idea what you're doing to me right now.” 

As we entered his penthouse, he leaned down to place a peck on my lips. He guided me to the kitchen. I was in awe of the size of it, covered in shining black marble, not a speck of dust in sight. Across from the kitchen, the sitting room had floor to ceiling glass windows wrapping around the entire length of the apartment. 

“Shit, I forgot I sent the chefs home tonight because I had intended to have dinner at the gala,” Kendall facepalmed, shooting me an apologetic look. 

“Hmm that’s okay. There was talk of a fully stocked bar, no? Or was that a lie too?” I needed something more to calm the nerves in the pit of my stomach. 

“Yes, that I do have,” He clasped his hands, rubbing them together.  

He had a small bar area at the end of the kitchen. There were endless shelves stocked with every type of spirit. Brands I couldn’t even pronounce, brands that I never even gave a second glance to in the liquor store, because I knew they were not in my price range. 

There were freshly cut lemons and limes, an ice bucket, a mini fridge stocked with mixers. So this is what heaven looks like. I climbed up over the counter, Kendall supported my hips up to lift me up, and I landed ungracefully on the other side with a thud. 

“What are you doing?” Kendall watched me with amusement.

I picked myself up, throwing a dish towel over my shoulder, “What can I get you?” 

“Fuck me, hottest fucking bartender ever.” He said with a crooked smile, taking a seat on one of the barstools. “I'll take a whiskey on the rocks. When's your shift done sweetheart?”

“I don’t mix business and pleasure,” I winked, turning around to shovel some ice into a glass, grabbing one of the many bottles of expensive whiskey he had, pouring it in. I plonked a slice of lemon in it for a garnish, “And viola, there you are sir, your whiskey on the rocks.”

“Add it to my tab,” He took a sip, ”And what will the beautiful lady be drinking?”

“Hmmm, well I’ve been drinking gin tonight, but why not spice it up with some whiskey,” I made myself a drink identical to Kendall’s. I took a sip to admire my hard work and almost gagged as the corrosive liquid burned down my throat

“That is fucking horrible, how are you drinking it,” I gagged again, thinking it was a good idea to smell it and let it burn my nose too. 

“Hey don't blame the drink, blame the bartender,” He shrugged, “Add some mixer, there's coke in the fridge.”  

The coke made it a bit more bearable, but it still tasted like nail polish remover. I climbed over the bar again to seat myself on the barstool beside him.

Taking another sip of my drink, my nose scrunched up in disgust, “I don't know why you and your brother like Whiskey so much.”

“Oh, you met Roman?” He laughed, “I'm so sorry you had to go through that.”

“Yeah he's, definitely, interesting to say the least.” 

Thinking back to the gala, I remembered Steve, “Oh shit, the gala, I ditched my date, fuck. One second.”

I frantically pulled my phone out seeing the endless messages from Steve. I let him know that I had a run in with Will and was back home safe and sound, before turning my attention back to Kendall who had a quizzical look on his face.

“So this date of yours, was it the guy who was harassing you before?” He furrowed his brows, as he gripped his glass, the veins in his forearm almost bursting.

“Fuck no, my date was Steve. The guy outside….” I tilted my head back and downed the remainder of my whiskey, “was my ex-fiance.”

Kendall realized this was a difficult conversation for me. He silently reached over bringing the bottle of whiskey and coke to the counter.

“I don't even know what he was doing there,” I ran a hand through my hair. Kendall refilled my glass, which I thanked him for.  

“Let me see your wrist,” He demanded, holding his hand out, gently inspecting the redness around my skin, he brought it to his lips kissing all over. 

I crossed my legs trying to stop the ache that had reawoken in me. He delicately massaged my wrist, I wished he would sooth my throbbing core like that. 

“Did he hurt you anywhere else?” There was darkness in his eyes, his teeth were clenched, but his touch was so soft in comparison.

I shook my head, taking another gulp of my drink. “Not physically at least, so it's fine,” I waved it off, not waiting to dwell on Will's malignant existence any longer

“So uh, how much money did we raise tonight?” I changed the topic. 

“No fucking clue. My family is gonna be pissed that I left early. You're a bad influence on me,” He teased, refilling his glass.

“Me?” I shook my head in disbelief, “If anything you're a bad influence on me. You made me ditch poor Steve.” 

“Uh-huh, well you shouldn't have gone with him in the first place,” his jealousy was making an appearance again, “If you went with me, I would have made sure no one came within a 10 meter radius of you, your glass would have never been empty, and nobody would dare let their eyes linger on you for more than a second if you were on my arm.” 

His cockiness usually repulsed me, but in a strange turn of events it turned me on? 

“I'll keep that in mind for next time,” I felt my cheeks flush, partially from the alcohol but also from his possessiveness over me.

“So there’s gonna be a next time, huh?” He grinned from ear to ear.

We continued chatting, Kendall started getting deep and telling me about his family, his childhood, his failed marriage. He kept prying about my personal life, trying to get to know more about me. I reluctantly gave him a few short responses. 

We ended up on the sofa, comfortably sat next to each other, shoulders brushing against one another. I leaned back in the seat resting my eyes, as the room began to spin slightly. Kendall took another swig from the bottle, we had long ditched our glasses on the counter. The conversation drifted back to our exes, and this time I was too drunk to hold back, as was Kendall.

He handed the bottle back to me, “Yea, being married fucking sucks ass,” He threw up his arms in exasperation, “I fucking married the wrong person. But at the time, I was like fuck yeah this feels fucking right. This feels like forever.”

“Yeah, I like, really and I mean, like really, really dodged a bullet there. I’m like, not even mad about it. Fuck getting married,” I nodded, agreeing with him.

“100 fucking percent, fuck marriage. It ruined me.”

“But like, you’re still married? Why? Just like get a fucking divorce?” 

“It’s complicated. I want to and so does she, but it’s just— pass me the fucking bottle,” He closed his eyes, taking another gulp, not even phased by it, “But it’s just fucking hard.”

“What like, don’t tell me you’re still in love with her,” I gasped, covering my mouth.

“No— no, I mean, I do love her. I’m always gonna have love for her. I’ve known her for 15 fucking years. But I don’t know, I want her to be happy,” He sighed undoing his bow tie and collar, “But we are getting a divorce, that is definitely fucking happening.”

“Mhmm,” I gave him a fist bump.

“And fucking what about Bill? What’s his deal?”

“Ugh him again,” I groaned, not even bothering to correct Kendall, “I think you have a crush on him, you bring him up more than me.”

“Come on, you just heard about my failed marriage, stop being so fucking cagey,” he playfully shoved my shoulder.

“Pass me the fucking bottle,” He handed it over to me and I took a swing of it, hissing as it made its way down my oesophagus.

“Fine, what about him? We were together since I was like 19 or maybe 20 I think. Or actually maybe 18? I don’t know, I met him in college. But I used to be a fucking idiot back then, like I’m talking crackhead level stupid. I made so many bad decisions he was definitely the fucking worst one,” I continued rambling. “It was good at first you know, he said what I wanted to hear, did what I asked of him,” I hiccuped between words, reliving my past relationship, “But like, at the same time, it wasn’t?” 

Yeah, for sure,” He nodded, leaning back against the sofa with his hands resting behind his head, looking over at me, his eyes barely open, “College is the real thing to blame. You know? That’s where I met Rava and you met what’s his face.”

“You’re dead right,” I snapped my fingers, his words making complete sense in my barely functioning brain, “It’s like maybe stop fucking around and open like a book or something.” 

We continued talking about everything and anything, coming up with our own philosophies that were so illogical but they made sense to us. Between us we shared one singular brain cell, after both consuming an unhealthy amount of whiskey.

Wanting to put my feet up on the sofa, I attempted to unbuckle the straps of my heels, but failed miserably. I let out an over-dramatic sigh, lying back on the sofa and stretching my legs, bringing my feet to rest in his lap. 

“Can you get these off please,” I batted my lashes up at him.  

“Fuck, why is there so many fucking buckles,” He grumbled as he attempted to undo the singular buckle, concentrating like he was deactivating a bomb. 

He gave up and brought it up to his mouth, tugging at it with his teeth, letting my aching foot free, his hot breath on my skin sent an electric shock up my leg. He did the same with the other foot. Before looking over to me with a sinister grin and started tickling me.

“KENDALL STOP,” I shrieked, thrashing and kicking away his hands. Attempting to get my revenge I pounced on him, my fingertips tickling his neck, I was practically straddling him. 

He grabbed both my hands in his. I felt him hardening under me, I grabbed his neck, closing the gap between us. He kissed me back with hunger, like he had been deprived of food and water for weeks. His tongue explored every inch of my mouth. His touch was more rough now, his fingers caressed my ass, kneading it like fine dough.

He pulled me closer to the pine scent of his body, a cigarette smoked not so long ago lingering on his shirt. I began subconsciously grinding my hips against the tent in his pants, trying desperately to create some friction to soothe my throbbing centre. His warm hands slid under the skirt of my dress, rubbing them up and down my thighs, inching them higher each time. His fingers were getting dangerously close to my soaking panties, my breath hitched. Feeling my body tense against his, he pulled away, resting his forehead against mine.

“Kendall ….” I said breathlessly. I looked down, feeling embarrassed, “I haven’t done this in a while. Like in a really, really long time actually.” 

“Hey, hey it’s okay baby,” He released my thighs, bringing his hands out from under my dress and nudging my chin up to meet his gaze. Hearing the sweet nickname fall from his mouth turned me on even more.

“I’m just nervous,” I admitted feeling shy.

“Why? You don’t have to be nervous, I'll take care of you,” He pressed his lips to my temple.

“I’ve only been intimate with like one person.” 

“You’re so fucking innocent,” he brushed my hair from my face, tucking it behind my ear, “We don’t have to do anything you're not comfortable with. Just tell me to stop,” His voice was rich and frail, as he empathized. He pulled my body into an adorning embrace, holding me like I was made of glass.

“No, but I want this. I want you. Can we just take it slow?” 

The realization was prominent, that there would be no going back, once I went through with it. But at that moment I wasn’t thinking clearly, I didn’t care, I just wanted him.

His body relaxed moderately as he soothed his hands up and down my back, almost as if to assure himself of the words he had just heard. 

His lips met mine again, he got up from the sofa, hoisting me up, I instinctively wrapped my legs around his hips as he carried me to his room. The anticipation of what was to come overwhelmed me, my heart beating out of my chest.

He gently placed me on the bed, lying me down on my back as he hovered over me, lips not leaving mine once. I traced his firm chest with my fingertips, drawing him into me. He began kissing down my neck, smiling against my skin as I let out a soft moan. Leaving a trail of kisses down to my cleavage. My dress shielded my breasts, nipples already hard through the fabric.

He brought his hands to the straps of my dress, “Can I take this off?” I nodded, no longer capable of getting any words out, my mind foggy with lust.

“So beautiful, so fucking perfect,” He pulled down my dress, admiring my exposed breasts, the cold air quickly replaced by his wet mouth as he sucked on my nipple, twirling his tongue around, cupping my other breast, squeezing it tight. Swapping over to the other, placing sloppy kisses, pushing it deeper in his mouth savoring every inch of skin. My hands tugged at his hair as pleasure took over me.

To know that I was beautiful in his eyes, made me feel beautiful. 

“Kendall,” I gasped as he bit and nipped at my scorching skin. His free hand moved down from my hip to caress my inner thigh, ghosting over my panties. 

“Kendall please?” I begged, so needy for his touch, spreading my legs wider for him, grinding my hips up. 

He unlatched his mouth from my breast, “Is this okay?” He locked eyes with me, his hand rubbing up and down over my fabric of my panties

“Yes— yes.  perfect,” I couldn’t even form a coherent sentence. Suspense bubbled in me, he was going so painfully slow. He slid my panties to the side, gently and languildy his fingers expertly teased my clit, rubbing soothing circles. 

“Your so fucking wet, baby. How does that feel?” He cooed, my mind couldn’t even focus on what he was saying. It felt so good, I hadn’t been touched like this in so long, I was so deprived. “Does it feel good?”

“So good,” I sighed. “Feels so good Ken-“ the words got cut off in my throat as he moved his digits towards my slit. 

“What do you want, baby? Tell me.” He was enjoying this, a lazy smile playing at his lips as he watched me squirm. 

His eyes burned into mine, seeing me so needy for him, so desperate for his touch, “You want me to fuck you with my fingers? Come on, use your words,” I should've known that he would make me beg, I should've known that he would be so good to me.

“Yes, please— please just-“ He pushed his middle finger inside me, “Just like that,” I cried out as he pumped a finger in and out of me. My mind felt hazy, he added another finger, stretching me out, pumping faster now, curling his fingers as I let out a string of moans. I whined my disappointment as he removed his fingers from me, missing the fullness. 

“I need to taste you, let me taste you,” He pleaded, getting on his knees, pulling me to the edge of the bed. 

He hiked my dress up to my waist, hooking his fingers under my panties and pulling them down my legs, revealing my smooth mound. Panic rose in my chest, it was moving too fast, I sat up feeling self-conscious. 

“It’s okay baby, it’s okay, I’m gonna take care of you,” He murmured, pressing a hand down on my chest to lay me back down.

“Let me take care of you,” He began kissing up my inner thigh, gripping his hands firmly around my hips holding me in place. He worked his way closer and closer, eventually leaning in ever so slowly and licked all the way up my slit, tasting me.

My eyes fluttered shut as he placed his hot mouth on my clit, sucking it like a pacifier, the fuzz of his stubble tickling me lightly. I could feel the pressure building up inside me, I ran my hands through this hair grasping it softly as he continued lapping his tongue up and down my slit greedily, fucking me with his tongue. His tongue travelled lower and lower, gently grazing over my tight rosebud.

“Have you ever had your ass eaten?” He looked up at me.

“No,” I squirmed, he sensed my uneasiness. 

“Do you want to feel good, baby?” He asked circling his tongue around my wrinkled rosebud again, it felt fucking good, sending shivers up my spine.

“Yes, please— please make me feel good,” I begged between gasps. He gripped my ass, spreading my cheeks apart, to give himself more access as continued to worship my tight pink bud.

He opened his mouth letting a string of spit fall down and pool down, “Just relax baby.” 

“Kendall,” I whimpered, as he inserted 2 digits in me again. My quivering walls grasped his fingers tightly. I was grinding my hips against him, my aching clit deprived of his attention. I needed him everywhere all at once. He brought his face back in between my legs, devouring me, sucking every crease, crevice and fold before latching onto my clit again. He alternated between fast and slow flicks of affection. 

Hearing the sounds of his wet tongue on me continued building up the pressure in my lower abdomen, getting tighter and tighter. My senses heightened and my hands desperately fisted the bed sheets.

“You're so close aren't you, baby? Cum on my face,” His dirty talk, sending me over the edge, my back arching into him.

I threw my head against the mattress, eyes rolling back. My mind exploded in a white, pleasure filled haze as the sensations from his relentless assault on my clit while simultaneously pumping 2 digits in me. 

Grabbing a fist full of his hair, grinding my hips against his face, I rode out my high. Legs trembling as he continued to finger me though my orgasm, he hummed in satisfaction against my clit. He removed his hands from me, placing one final tender kiss on my sensitive clit, making me jump.

He caressed my face as I panted for air, “You did so good, baby,” He cooed, stroking hair. He placed a tender kiss on my lips, making me taste myself.

I regained some composure bringing a shaky hand up and palming at his hardness through his pants. 

“Fuck,” He groaned burying his head into my neck. 

I hastily undid his belt buckle, he helped me shimmy his trousers and boxers off, his cock sprung out bouncing against his stomach. I wriggled out from under him, flipping us over to straddle him, rubbing my wetness against his dick.

“Fucking so good baby,” He sat up, undoing my zipper with a quick motion of his fingers and tossing my dress over his shoulder. I was fully exposed now, I felt so naked, so bare in front of him as I covered my face with my hands, feeling so small. 

He brought my hands down, stroking my cheek with his thumb, “You just came on my face, don't get shy on me now.” 

“Shut up,” I rolled my eyes and began undoing the buttons on his shirt, and threw it on the ground. Bringing my fingers to his thick cock, a few veins ran up his shaft, the swollen pink head dripping with precum. I started pumping him, locking eyes with him as I spat down on his cock for some lubrication, he hissed, grabbing my hips tightly.

A surge of courage took over me, pushing him down on the bed, I lifted my hips hovering over his cock, I grabbed it rubbing it up and down my slit, he gaped up at me. I lined it up against my entrance, ready to lower myself on him, he held my hips in place stopping me.

“You want to ride me? Are you sure Harper? You don't have to.” His eyes grew with concern.

“No, I want to. I want to ride you, Kendall. Please just let me ….let me make you feel good,” I whined.

He sighed agreeing, keeping his eyes on me as I lowered myself down on him, he was so much bigger than Will, so much thicker, I could only take him a little at a time. Soft moans left my mouth as I was half way down his cock, his firm grip on my hips being the only thing keeping me up right, stopping me from crumbling down, as the sensation of his thick cock mixed with the alcohol pulsing through me was making me feel lightheaded.

“You're doing so good,” He groaned, momentarily shutting his eyes, “So good baby, taking my cock so well,” He let me work at my own pace, his breathing quickened slightly.

“I know you can take me, all of me,” He encouraged me. I lifted up off him again, and sank back down, taking all of him, the stretch was far too intense. He was so deep in me, I could feel him in the pit of my stomach. I bit my lip, trying to suppress my whimpers. My lips unintentionally curled into a slight frown.

“Are you okay?” He sat up, rubbing a hand up and down my spine.

"Ow, yes. You’re just— just a lot to take,” I winced, looking down at him through heavy eyelids, trying to adjust to his length and girth, but I could barely move at this angle without feeling the sting of pain. He swiftly flipped us over, cock still engulfed deep in me as my head crashed onto the soft pillows. 

“It’s okay baby, let me take care of you,” He murmured, between soft kisses on my trembling lips, “I’ll be so gentle,” He reassured me, showering my face with kisses, his thumb wiping away stray tears from my cheeks. “Are you ready?” 

“Yes,” I took a deep breath in, wrapping my arms around the nape of his neck.

He pulled out of me, sinking back in me ever so slowly. “Fuck your so tight,” He hissed. 

I cried out, feeling so full again. His balls rested against my core with his cock sheathed all the way in, I took in slow, shallow breaths, attempting to soothe the burning away. I could feel each inch of him, each ridge, each curve of his meaty cock inside me.

“You're doing so good, baby. You feel so good,” He groaned in my ear, his voice was strained, like he was holding himself back for me. 

He pulled all the way out again and plunged back in a few more times, letting my walls accommodate him. Careful not to thrust, taking his time, being so patient, so gentle just like he promised.

“Kendall, please,” I moaned, dragging my nails down his back, the pain melted away, pleasure overtaking me as the tip of his cock, hit a spot deep in me, igniting a fire that only he could put out. My walls were practically pulsating around him now, begging for more.

“What is it baby?” He asked, searching my eyes. 

“Fuck me,” I rasped, my eyes fluttering shut. After gaining my approval he sighed in relief and thrusted his cock in me harder. My eyes flew open, I gasped digging my nails into his biceps. His fingers dug into my hips, I wrapped my legs around his waist, needing to feel him deeper, quivering under him.

“Feels so good Ken,” I moaned in his mouth, at some point our lips must have entangled again. His eyes never leaving mine, praises of encouragement falling from his lips.

“You look so good taking my cock, such a good girl,” Overwhelmed, my body trembled with each thrust, stretching me out, the waves of pleasure flooding me whole, coursing through me. Broken breaths paired with his name fell from my lips, parted slightly.

His cock dwelled deeper in me, my taut muscles milking his cock, “Listen to the sounds you're making, baby,” The sounds my cunt made each time he pumped in were so sinful. Hearing the word baby fall from his lips made me even wetter.

I let out a string of embarrassingly loud moans, not being able to  find a singular word in the English language to describe the euphoric feeling. He jerked faster, his cock throbbing in me, muffled moans scattering his breath. His sizeable dick sliding into my wetness with ease now, like he fucking owned it.

My breasts bounced under him, as he fucked me mercilessly his cock splitting me inch by inch, it felt so good I was seeing stars. He pressed his face to my chest, placing sweet kisses, tasting my salty skin, kissing up my neck.

“I need more,” I panted, as he continued pounding into me. He released one of his hands from my hips and brought it to my swollen nun, rubbing aggressive circles. I was in complete bliss, “Don't stop,” I begged. 

“Ken I’m-”

“Fuck me too,” sweat beaded across his forehead, his skin flushed pink. “Cum for me baby, you've been so good, you deserve it. Let go for me, just let go.” 

Hearing his praise sent me over the edge again, as I let out incoherent moans and gasps. He groaned as I dug my nails into him, drawing blood. He drew back, balancing on his knees, grabbing my ankles and throwing them over his shoulders, he fucked me relentlessly, with harsh thrusts as I rode out my high clenching around his unforgiving cock.

“Good girl, you’re so good, you’re my good girl,” he panted, talking me through it, “That’s right. Just like that, let it all out, baby.”

I practically sobbed feeling each curve of his cock as he buried himself deeper into me, tears pricking my eyes. He let out a haggard breath before pulling out and releasing on my stomach, collapsing on me, nuzzling his head in the crook of my neck. I ran my hands through his hair soothing him as his chest heaved against mine. 

“Fuck,” He rolled off me to lay beside me, he cradled my jaw, pressing a tender kiss on my lips, “You're fucking amazing.” 

He got up leaving the room and returned in his boxers carrying a damp towel. He gently grazed my skin, cleaning up his mess. He was doing exactly what he said he would, taking care of me. He dabbed the towel over my abused cunt, I winced feeling the soreness his girth left behind.

“Sorry. Do you need anything?” His eyes softened.                           

         

“Water please,” I rasped, smiling as he scurried off. No one had ever taken care of me like this before, not even the man who claimed to love me. I retrieved my panties bunched up on the ground, sliding them on before throwing on Kendall’s button down.

He returned with a cold bottle of water, leading me back to the bed, he drew the comforter back, pulling me under with him. I winced again coming in contact with the mattress. I pressed the water bottle between my legs, trying to soothe the stinging. 

Kendall’s brows furrowed in concern, he wrapped an arm around my waist, turning to face me. “Fuck, sorry, was I uh, too rough?” He asked with apologetic eyes.

“No, no you were perfect,” I let out a small laugh, seeing him get so worried, “She’s just out of practice,” I gestured between my legs.

“Is there anything I can do?” He glanced down at the water bottle, “To uh, help her I guess.” 

“She’ll be fine, don’t worry,” I reassured him, giving him a quick peck on the lips. 

“Listen, thank you for the lovely evening, but I like, have to get going now,” I slithered off the bed, trying to keep my weight off my pelvis. 

I stood up, my legs still wobbling from the aftershocks of the not one but two ground shattering orgasms I received.

“What? No, you don’t have to leave. Stay,” Kendall sat up on the edge of the bed, grabbing my hips pulling me into him from behind, his cheek resting on my ass. 

“I can’t, Kendall, we both have work in the morning and I can’t show up in that dress,” I argued, trying to wriggle out of his grip. 

“I wouldn’t mind it if you showed up to work everyday in that dress,” I felt him smiling against my exposed skin.

“Kendall seriously…” He pulled me down onto his lap gently placing a hand between my legs, cupping around my soreness, relieving some pressure off it. My back was pressed against his chest, he rested his chin on my shoulder, wrapping his other arm around my waist.

“Baby, it’s Saturday tomorrow,” His chuckle vibrated through my entire body, “Please just stay, you're drunk and walking like Bambi. Just let me take care of you Harper.” 

How could I say no to his sweet words? I begrudgingly agreed and got back under the covers with him, he kept his arms around me, holding me close. 

“You’re impossible?” I rolled my eyes. 

“I always get what I want,” He smirked. 

I shifted lifting his arm off me, “I need to go get—“

“What? What do you need? I'll get it,” He cut me off. “You stay here and rest,” His tone was stern.

“My phone,” I said sheepishly. 

And without another word, he rushed off again, returning moments later with my clutch in one hand and an ice pack in the other. He put it between my legs holding it in place.

I closed my heavy eyelids sighing in relief, “You're so good to me Ken,” I whispered resting my head on his chest before dozing off.

“You deserve it and so much more baby.

Chapter 4 and onwards

[stxrvel]

the voices in my head (7)

series summary: you woke up from a long coma with no memory of a part of your life only to be told by your teammates that you're married to the man you hated seven years ago. even though that seemed to be the only problem, as time goes on you're realizing there's a lot more history and mystery behind the accident that left you in medical care for months. blackouts, more memory loss, mistrust and a strange man who seems to be connected to everything. every day it gets harder to trust anyone around you, but you won't stop until you can finally uncover the truth behind the accident.

chapter summary: you try to get answers, but not everything is as it seems. you may actually be living a lie.

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

words: +5k

warnings: bad words and descriptions of blood. a lot of confusing answers too.

note: ok guys. heres the next part in this series and i dont even know what happened. im kind of a let it happen writer, so i just started writing this chapter with what i had in my drafts, and the suddenly everyting came to life and started to write itself. like i dont know whats happening anymore, 80% of this wasnt planned. BUT i dont dislike the way this one turned out. im actually happy because it filled a gap in the plot that i'd had for some time and didn't know how to handle. as you may have seen in my reblogs, i dont tend to plan things out, i just start writing and the characters will tell me their stories. so, i just hope you guys love and ejoy this chapter!! know feedback is alwas appreciated! and i hope you end up as confused as i am. love you all!

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Bucky was in a haze. His fingers were trembling and he felt his heart racing to get out of his chest. He didn't know what he was doing, but he let his body guide him because there had to be a reason for all that, for all that fuss, for all that suffering. His feet hurt, he didn't even know how long he had been running for, but not even the rest of the team following behind him had made him stop until now. (Maybe they didn't want to stop him either.)

Maybe he was already in the middle of that city. There were too many buildings, sounds of car horns, the hurried footsteps of people walking past him, tapping his shoulder, not even looking at him as if he didn't even deserve to be recognized by a stranger before staggering his whole world.

Bucky wasn't sure he deserved many things anymore. He used to think it was all a gift, he used to think that after so much pain he was finally collecting happiness and peace of mind. He thought he really deserved it. But maybe he didn't. If all that had happened behind his back, if he had allowed it, if he hadn't even suspected it? Did he even deserve a look?

No, maybe he deserved those rubs, the footsteps on his boots, the coffee on his jacket. Maybe he deserved to feel that pain, that burning. Maybe it was the least he could do, it was the only thing he could give back, because in his foggy mind he couldn't think of what else he could do. He deserved that pain and more because it surely didn't even compare to yours, nor did it come close on the heels of everything you had to do.

There was a moment when he thought that had he had the chance to handle that damned time gem hanging around Strange's neck he would have done it without hesitation, not for a single second, not like that damned Stephen had hesitated and in vain. Maybe things would have been different, maybe everyone would be different now? Maybe you would hate him now. Maybe now the pain would be bearable. Maybe he wouldn't walk the streets of that city that had taken everything from him thinking the world had just fallen on his shoulders.

“Bucky, you're not going to find him,” he heard Carol speak to his left side, but his mind erased the memory.

He was alone walking through the city. He couldn't even remember why his white shirt felt sticky against his skin.

Whatever had happened that morning seemed to have been momentarily erased.

Bucky stopped.

What was he doing there?

The sound of morning stress suddenly stunned him. He shifted on his feet to look around, to see how everyone was still moving, how the sun was still shining and the clouds were racing across the sky, seeing how everything was still the same while for him everything had stopped.

“Where is she?” Bucky thought he was asking a voice in his head, a figment of his imagination, but the hand on his shoulder had to be real. It felt real.

-

Bucky didn't say much for much of the morning. You watched him, stoic and lost in thought from time to time, barely shaking his head in acknowledgement when you told him something. He had given no answer to your questions and as much as you wanted to keep asking, as much as you wanted to insist, something in his eyes prevented you from doing so.

So you spent a good part of the day like that, with Bucky at your side, reluctant to let go of your arm, not encouraging you to do anything else. Everything that had happened that day, all your crazy conjectures and theories slowly faded from your head as you relaxed by his side, letting go of the accumulated tiredness you'd felt since the day everything started to change.

And you had several strange dreams, surrounded by destruction, blows that felt strangely real, full of tears and full of suffering.

But one of them stood out from the others.

You were somewhat confused to see Bucky that morning. His mission was supposed to take at least a few more days and you had already made up your mind that you wouldn't see him for a while. Getting used to it was easy though, but you preferred to ignore that reality.

He passed right in front of you, walking as if it was nothing, ignoring your presence completely. Not that you were expecting anything different either. No, of course you weren't. After the way things left off when he left, you didn't expect him to forgive you so soon.

You could barely let out the air you were holding when he disappeared down the hall.

“What's wrong?” you heard Natasha's voice.

You turned around startled. She had planted herself next to you, her uniform dirty and heavily bloodstained.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it's not mine.” Natasha waved her hand in a nonchalant gesture.

“Why did you guys come back so soon?”

“The track was a dead end. There was nothing there.”

“It was a trap.”

“Yeah,” Natasha sighed, turning her head to see Steve getting off the Quinjet. “She knew we were going. She couldn't wait to see our stupid faces.”

You clicked your tongue. “How come she's always three steps ahead of us?”

“We've been wondering the same thing.”

Natasha had started walking toward the end of the hallway and you were about to follow her until you ran into a familiar face on one side of Steve.

“What's he doing here?”

Natasha didn't answer you, and when you turned to see her she had a tired expression on her face.

“Well since we've been going on so many missions without a good result, the UN panel that controls us is going to start limiting our outings.”

“What? But she's completely unpredictable!”

“I know, believe me we tried to talk to him. They contacted us since we were coming back. They're very adamant, and it's not like we can do much about it.”

Natasha giving up just like that didn't give you much hope. You watched Steve listen to Secretary Ross with his hands on his hips and a droopy expression. He didn't seem to agree much, but he couldn't say no either. Surely more than anyone else he was the one who was having the hardest time with the whole Accords thing.

You wanted to think for a moment that that was the real reason Bucky had ignored you when he arrived and not because of the discussion you two had that was overheard by half the building about three days before. The subject of the Accords was also a hard subject for him, but more than anything else because of the bombing, because of everything that had happened after that. The fight he blamed himself for every chance he got and the concede. They had been able to go far but not far enough. You knew Bucky spent many days thinking about all that.

But hey, besides that news he must still be pretty mad at you. At least that was something you could fix.

“So we're back to waiting,” you finally spoke up turning to look at Natasha. The woman barely twisted her lips in response.

“If they don't think this is a global threat, I don't know what one thing has to happen for them to let us do our job right,” Natasha walked down the hall with you trailing at her heels, a grimace on her face and a frown on her face. “Will it have to cost someone's life for them to notice?”

“Nat,” you furrowed your brow at her words. “We should think this is enough. Something worse could have happened. If Steve hadn't given up after the fight at the airport, where do you think they'd be now? And you? The group would have disbanded. We could have been pushed even harder, but the government and the countries were more condescending.”

“I wish it was enough for me. Thinking like that must bring you peace.”

You ran your tongue in front of your teeth with a disguised grimace. Natasha didn't notice as you watched her red hair and black suit as yoou approached the main hall of the Complex.

“I'm just thinking this way to ease the violent thoughts of you all. You know I didn't want to sign either.”

“But you did,” Natasha paused at the foot of the stairs. You could tell from there that Bucky was talking to Sam and Tony was meeting with Clint.

“It was all going to end very badly if I didn't. You know what they think of me. If I had gone with you and Steve they would have not only wanted to contain me but neutralize me. And you know they would've done it any way they could.”

Natasha's eyes flashed in recognition. You knew what was going through her head because you had been through it once before and it had been a horrible experience that had been burned into the minds of every one of your teammates. Especially Bucky's and yours.

“I wouldn't have let them near you,” she spoke, her voice soft and full of feeling.

“And I wouldn't have let you carry that for me.”

Natasha sketched a half-smile, shaking her head.

“I guess we'd both die trying to keep the other from dying.”

The conversation ended there and soon you were both in the living room near Clint and Tony. You watched them chat about the mission. You noticed the somber expression on Stark's face when Natasha told him that Secretary Ross was talking to Steve. You caught the moment when Clint sighed heavily and moved his hand to turn down the volume on the device in his ear, he did that every time someone mentioned something about the Accords or the Secretary. Sometimes even when someone talked about Germany. Clint was the most evasive of all on that subject.

Sam and Bucky were too far away for you to tell if they were listening the conversation, although considering that the latter had a super serum running through his veins, he probably had super hearing that allowed him to, even if it was against his will.

But despite the distance you could tell that his eyes were on yours. He was resting his elbows on his knees, leaning forward. His expression matched Tony's and you wondered how much it would cost you to get the two of them to sit down and talk about the things that had happened. Within that civil war, they were probably the ones who had had it the worst. But that was almost impossible, they both hated each other almost to death.

You were attracted by his gaze and started walking before you knew it. Sam stood up and gave you a nod of greeting as he passed you. Surely they had already spoken.

Bucky didn't stop looking at you until you took the spot where his friend had been.

“Are you okay?” you asked him, bringing your hand up to his right shoulder. He was too tense.

“Ross doesn't understand anything,” was what he replied, his voice laced with a hateful venom that sent a shiver down your spine.

“I know.”

“He's gonna get us killed. Him and that damn panel.”

“Bucky-”

“Nothing's going to make them understand until a massacre happens and that blood is on their hands.”

“Honey,” you stepped closer to your boyfriend, his body tensing even more, but moving closer to yours as if it were his nature. He straightened up and allowed you to fully embrace his right arm. “I think you can rest easy because you're doing your job and you're doing it well. I know you feel the helplessness, we all go through that. And I would love to tell you that we can change it and do something about it, but I can't. I can only remind you that you've been doing it right and you've been doing everything in your power to make it so. Ross and the panel are going to come to their senses at some point. They're going to understand what we're doing at some point and then we won't have to fight anymore.”

“I think you're the only one on the team who believes that,” Bucky tried to sketch a smile turning his face to look at you.

“Someone has to do it or you're always going to be like cats and dogs.”

“Yeah, you're the one who brings balance to this place,” his beady eyes didn't leave yours. “To me, too.”

You felt a sting behind your eyes and your chest compressed.

“Bucky, I'm sorry-”

“No, leave it.”

“No! It was my fault and I spoke to you too ugly-”

“I already forgave you, Y/N. Don't keep talking.”

“Don't do that. Let me tell you-”

Bucky reached up to plant a kiss on your lips. You reached up to move back a little, but his hand went around your waist and he pulled you tighter against him. He moved his lips over yours as if it had been months since the last time he did it, gentle, taking his time, savoring every second he could. Your hands cradled the sides of his face, kissing him back with the same intensity he gave you.

When he pulled away, you were breathing heavily.

“I said leave it.”

“You're mean.”

He moved closer and gave you another quick peck before settling back in. His eyes didn't leave yours even though your body was beginning to lose the warmth he'd given you. At that moment you thought you could spend your whole life like this and you would be entirely happy.

Apparently Bucky thought the same thing.

“Marry me.”

“What?” you exclaimed, an expression of surprise making its way across your features.

Bucky smiled at your half-open mouth.

“Marry me, Y/N.”

“Bucky…”

“I never wanted to spend the rest of my life with someone as much as I do with you. I can't even remember what it was like to live before you anymore. So, yeah, that's it, marry me.”

It had been at least about two hours and you couldn't stop thinking about it. It felt too real to have been just a dream.

You had woken up in a room all alone. There wasn't a single trace that Bucky had been there with you at any time. For a moment you thought maybe you'd dreamed all that day, but you could still feel the strength of Bucky's arms around your figure. You could still feel his breath in your ear every time he mumbled an apology from the bottom of his heart, not really knowing what he was apologizing to you for.

You felt it as real as that kiss. Like that emotion when in your dream he proposed to you. Maybe it wasn't a dream, you'd been married after all. But how could you remember that now? What had changed?

And that conversation with Natasha…

You heard the bedroom door open and a few seconds later Bucky appeared in front of you. You felt your stomach churn.

“You're awake,” he commented as he approached the bed. He set down a mug of hot liquid on the nightstand before sitting down across from you, and you stood a little while longer watching the smoke billow out. “You must have a lot of questions.”

You turned to look at him. He looked better than the last time you had seen him. Calmer and more serene.

“Go ahead. Ask.”

Even though yes, you did indeed have too many questions, at that moment you went blank. You felt like your heart was going to pound out of your chest with how fast it was beating, so hard it was thundering against your bones. With sweaty hands you tried to arrange your hair in a carefree gesture, but you were sure you had a desperate grimace on your face.

So much had happened in the last few days, and there was even something you still hadn't told Bucky…

Sighing, you decided to let out the first thing that came to mind.

“What are the Accords?”

You noticed Bucky's face process your question, his face contorting in confusion. “The Accords?”

For a moment you thought it wasn't true, and you were giving yourself the nod thinking you'd just had a meaningless dream, until Bucky spoke again.

“Where did you hear about that?”

You frowned. “Is it real?”

“Yes,” Bucky nodded quickly. “The Sokovia Accords. It's a document signed by a large number of countries that allows a United Nations panel to monitor the activities of the Avengers.”

That made sense according to what you remembered from that dream. So it could be true…

“How did you propose to me?”

Bucky frowned even more than the previous time, and you knew that maybe those weren't the questions he was expecting, but you needed to know.

“Uhm,” Bucky took a moment before answering. “I had just returned from a mission where we were ambushed. I was nearly killed. Maybe I had a moment of lucidity, I don't know, all I knew was that I'd never felt so scared about not being able to be with you. So I came in, we talked and I just did it.”

“Did anything happen while you were coming in from the mission, before you made the proposal?”

“Mmm, yeah, something did happen,” Bucky looked more than confused somewhat suspicious. “The Secretary of State is like the spokesman for the panel I mentioned to you. That day coming back from the mission he contacted us to tell us that we would have to start getting out less and plan better plans, long story short. I was very angry. Too angry. And you and I… Well, we had argued before I left so we didn't talk as soon as I got there. But yeah, that happened.”

So it was a memory.

“Y/N? Why are you asking me these things?”

“You told me to ask.”

“Yeah, well,” Bucky pursed his lips. “I didn't expect you to ask me those questions.”

“Why is there a dome around the Complex?”

“Well,” Bucky cleared his throat. “Generally speaking, in the beginning it was to keep the military from intervening in the Complex because… let's just say we did something against the rules of the Accords for a while. Then we decided to keep the dome to prevent him from finding us.”

“Him? Who is he?”

“They call him The…”

For a moment you stopped hearing Bucky, though you could see his mouth was still moving. A high-pitched whistling filled your hearing. It was loud and painful. You moved your hands to the sides of your head to try to isolate yourself from the sound, but you felt it coming from inside you.

“… are you okay? Y/N?”

You could hear him again. That was weird.

“What happened?”

“I don't know,” you moved your jaw to uncover your ears, but in a second it seemed like nothing had happened. “I felt a ringing in my ears, but too loud.”

Bucky arched an eyebrow, scanning your face. You could tell the concern on his face and it compressed your chest.

“I'm fine, what were you saying?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, go on.”

Bucky hesitated for a few seconds, his eyes still detailing your features as a precaution. Finally he sighed and shook his head in assent.

“Well, the man you most likely saw on television was…”

You lost your hearing again and a second after you saw Bucky's mouth move without a sound, the high-pitched beeping returned. That time it was so loud that you couldn't help but scream even though you couldn't hear anything. You felt Bucky's hands on your forearms as you covered your ears again, but it seemed to increase the beeping and along with it your vision tried to go white. You thought you saw a hand outstretched in front of you.

You were about to lose your mind until you finally found silence again.

You had leaned forward and Bucky had leaned over you.

“Bucky?”

“Y/N? Are you okay?”

You straightened up and he quickly did the same. His eyes desperately searched your face and body for something.

You felt dizzy all of a sudden, and when you reached up to massage your temples that's when you saw the blood.

So did Bucky.

You brought your hands to the sides of your face and it felt wet. For a moment you felt like you were going to throw up.

Bucky took your face in his hands and turned it sideways, looking at the blood that seemed to have come out of your ears. You couldn't look away from your blood-stained hands. For some reason, you felt a strange familiarity in your chest.

“Bucky…” you mumbled without looking up. “What happened? The day of the accident, what the fuck happened?”

“Y/N, are you-”

“Say it,” you raised your head. His frown made you uncomfortable.

“I don't think-”

“Tell me, Bucky.”

It looked like Bucky thought he knew what was going on and didn't want to subject you to it, but you'd seen something and you felt that's where the answer was.

“Say it and don't stop talking.”

Your features were hard, you didn't give a single space for doubt. And Bucky sighed when he realized he couldn't convince you.

“The accident was because of…”

There it was again. Louder and angrier than the previous two times. It seemed to want to berate you for some reason. So much anger was overwhelming. The sound was deafening. The pain was uncontainable. You couldn't help but shout as you felt like you were being ripped in two.

And then, you saw it. A hand stretched out in front of you.

Writhing in pain, you gripped it tightly.

And you opened your mouth to take a big breath of air.

Everything was white around you. To your left, right, above and below. There wasn't a single shadow or a sign that so much brightness was coming from somewhere. The white seemed to stretch on forever when you started walking, because there was no sign of even corners or stairs. It was a simple white plane.

You walked as if that was the solution. As if at some point you were going to come across something that would give you the answer, but there was simply nothing.

And when you finally stopped, you heard it. You recognized it instantly.

What are you doing?

You moved sideways, looking for the source of that voice, but there was no one even miles away. You couldn't see a single speck.

“Who are you?” you exclaimed angrily to no one in particular.

I'd already told you.

“No! Drop the fucking mystery, who the fuck are you?”

Silence followed your question.

“Didn't you want me to trust you? You told me they were the bad guys.”

They are, the voice replied.

“Then prove it. Tell me who you are. Let me trust you.”

There was silence for several seconds, and in between all the emptiness you swore you could go crazy. Fine, and you were already hallucinating things.

But then… footsteps.

You turned suddenly.

There was a man. Very short hair, with a big beard that hid his whole jaw. Dark clothes, a jacket and a baggy jean. He was leaning against something, with his hands inside his jean pockets, even though no matter how hard you looked you never found an object there. He must have been handling what was going on here. His face was barely minimally familiar to you, but not enough to make you suspect him.

“Who are you?”

“You can call me Nathaniel.”

Nathaniel? He didn't sound remotely familiar.

“You were the one who did that thing?”

“What thing, Y/N?”

“The beeping.”

“Ah. I couldn't risk getting your head filled with lies. I told you I'd take care of it.”

“And you had to hurt me in the process?”

“My apologies. It was the only way.”

“Are you seriou? Bringing me here was the only way too?”

You watched the man, Nathaniel, undo his serene expression for the first time to frown at you. He moved to approach you and you couldn't stop your body from shifting away from him.

“Don't you know you're the one doing this? You called me here. This is your invention.”

“What? No. That's impossible. I didn't… I'm not…”

You looked around. It couldn't be you. You didn't even know where you were while Nathaniel could sit comfortably waiting for you. It couldn't be your doing.

“This is your mind, Y/N. Don't you recognize it?”

Miles of emptiness greeted you as you turned to survey the place. That shit was impossible.

“Well, it's missing some memories, sure.”

You frowned and turned to look at him. He seemed to have his hands folded behind his back and he had that calm, almost expressionless face again. He looked like someone who inspired confidence, you didn't doubt that if people looked at him they would surely believe him because that was the aura he had around him. Still… the tightness in your chest wouldn't go away.

“But it's still yours.”

“You can… bring my memories back?” you weren't entirely sure why you asked, it just popped in your head, out of nowhere. It wasn't as crazy as it sounded taking in consideration that he was the beeping in your ears. He definitely could do something. Maybe it was your subconscious.

You noticed when his eyes twinkled as he shook his head. A small smile crept onto his face, as if he'd been waiting for that question.

“Well, I can definitely try.”

You felt a relief sweep through your entire body.

“You're on my side, right?” your cautious side came to the fore.

“Of course, Y/N. I've been trying to help you all this time. It's a little hard, but I've tried.”

“It's hard?”

“Yes, it's just that…” the man, Nathaniel, averted his gaze from yours as if he was thinking about whether or not to continue. When he looked back at you his expression was much softer, more real, “You're too far away. I can't do much like this.”

“And where are you?”

Nathaniel smiled, “Even if I told you, you couldn't look for me. You can't get through the dome.”

You clicked your tongue. You had the chance to finally remember everything in the palm of your hand and you wanted to take it with all your might. Because you had already realized that this man was very powerful and that, in his delusions of helpfulness, he wouldn't let anyone in the group tell you the truth. If he wouldn't even let Bucky do it, he wouldn't let anyone but him do it. And you had a bad feeling, but what else could you do?

“Then you'd have to come to where I am.”

Nathaniel nodded slightly. “Just tell me where you are and I'll come get you.”

“I'm at the Avengers Complex,” you spoke after a sigh. “In Washington.”

The man in front of you sketched a smile, but rather than reassuring you it was more nerve-wracking.

“Ah, you see. I told you you couldn't trust them.”

“What are you talking about?”

Nathaniel resumed walking, his steps getting closer and closer to you.

“You're not at the Complex or anywhere near Washington.”

“What? But…”

“They've got you trapped. They won't let you out. They won't even tell you where you really are.”

You shook your head in denial. What he was saying made no sense. You could literally see the city from the roof of the building. You had even gone out one of those days and toured the city, how was it possible that you weren't in Washington?

Although… You weren't even sure what Washington was really like. You had no memory of that city in your head. You had never seen the city anywhere else. You were just told you were there and assumed that what you saw was that city. But what if it wasn't?

“Find out where you are, Y/N,” Nathaniel spoke again while you were still lost in your head. Almost at the same time, the ground began to shake. “Figure it out and come back and tell me where I can find you and get you out of there.”

The ground shook vehemently, but the man in front of you didn't look as scared as you did. He still had that calm expression, his hands in his pockets and his head cocked to one side. He was looking at you as if he longed for something from you.

You no longer had the slightest idea what was going on.

And then you heard other footsteps approaching fast.

“Y/N!”

You recognized her instantly, but instead of being reassured, you were frightened.

You turned around to find Wanda Maximoff trying to get closer to where you were, running through the white debris falling from somewhere above.

“They're going to try to get you away from me,” Nathaniel spoke, and you moved to look back at him.

“Get away from him!” Wanda exclaimed.

“They don't want you to know the truth. Even if you think they're going to tell you the truth, they're not. It's a lie. It's always been a lie.”

“Y/N!”

“They didn't even tell you where you really are.”

“Shut the fuck up! Y/N, don't listen to him!”

“They've been keeping things from you for a year. They didn't even want to tell you that you have powers.”

“Don't listen to him!”

“If you hadn't brought it up to Bucky Barnes, he never would have told you.”

The way his name came out of his mouth was disgusting. You never wanted him to mention his name ever again.

“Think about that,” Nathaniel finished and watched beside you as the woman kept running trying to dodge the falling debris for some reason; mind you, it wasn't falling where you were, just where she was stepping. “Goodbye, Wanda, see you soon.”

When you turned around, the man was gone, and when you turned around again, Wanda crashed into you with a thud.

You opened your mouth to take a breath of air. You felt your body heavy. The first thing your eyes registered was color. You were no longer on that white plane, in your mind, you were back in the room.

But you were not alone.

Sound came slowly to your hearing, as you could barely differentiate between the faces that peered out to see you. You stopped when you found Wanda's reddish hair right in front of you. The hands at your temples must have been hers. It must have been the same as last time.

You sat up with a jolt and didn't disown, though you felt a whiplash of pain run from your back to your feet. You looked back at the woman who had gotten into your head sitting across from you. Your head had been in her lap. She looked as tired as you.

“Nothing he said is true,” was the first thing Wanda said, holding up her hands as if her sound of peace meant something to you.

“He?” you heard Bucky's voice, and that was the only thing that made you tear your gaze away from Wanda's clear eyes. “Who are you talking about?”

When you found Bucky, you clutched at his hands.

“Y/N,” Wanda spoke again. “What he said isn't true. He's a manipulator. He'll do anything to get you on his side, but you can't believe him.”

“So I'm supposed to believe you guys?” you almost spat the words out, an overwhelming fury roaring deep in your chest. You squeezed Bucky's hands as you turned to look at him. “Bucky, where are we?”

“Y/N, no,” Wanda interfered, but that only unleashed your fury.

“Shut up!” you raised your hand in her direction and the woman moved back a considerable distance on the ground, as if she had been pulled. You looked back at Bucky. “Tell me, where are we?”

Bucky was looking away, most likely to where Wanda was, but you didn't have time for that. You moved your hands to cradle Bucky's face and bring his eyes back to yours. That position brought back the memories of your dream and you felt a sharp pain in your head when that happened.

The moment Bucky turned to look at you, you felt as if a sword had cut you in two. An electrifying light and a bunch of scenarios where you had taken in Bucky's face in the same way.

“Y/N?”

You blinked rapidly, pushing those memories out of your mind. It seemed that every time an image of those appeared in your mind it was accompanied by excruciating pain.

“Answer me, please.”

“We're at the Complex, Y/N. In Washington,” Bucky replied and you felt his words were dirty.

“No,” you frowned and your hands over his face took on strength. “Where are we really?”

“Y/N,” Bucky looked confused, and for a moment you thought he had been lied too, until he moved his eyes to look behind you and without turning you knew who was there.

“Look at me,” you commanded between your teeth and his clear eyes focused solely on yours. “Tell me where we are.”

Bucky began to shake his head and reluctantly closed his eyes tightly. It seemed that simple question caused him physical pain.

“I-I can't. I can't tell you, Y/N.”

“Bucky, stop it. Don't talk.”

The order came from Carol Danvers, and you hated the way the man's face contracted as he heard it. You didn't want him to listen to her.

You wanted to turn to see her, you wanted to tell her that it wasn't her place to order him such things, that she was no one to talk to him like that. But Bucky's hands cupped your face before you could see her in your peripheral vision. His pleading eyes melted your heart and again you felt the pain shatter your head.

A hundred more scenarios where Bucky had looked at you that way.

“Y/N, relax, okay? We're going to talk, but I want you to calm down first, okay?”

You took a deep breath, trying to push through the pain, and nodded in his direction.

“Okay, all right, breathe with me.”

You noticed his chest inflate as he inhaled and mimicked his action. Also when he exhaled. And then again and again and again. Until you felt a little more serene and Bucky's eyes looked warmer.

Maybe it was what had happened with that man in your head, because of the stress you'd felt and the hopelessness when you woke up and felt for a moment that everyone was against you, but suddenly you felt so tired that you just laid your head on Bucky's shoulder and closed your eyes.

--

a/n: thank u so much for reading 💜

Taglist: @cjand10 @yallgotkik @ruffdog921 @coracal @its-just-kayy @pono-pura-vida @vampiresarezombies @kaz11283 @vicmc624 @calwitch

[blossomxlush]

its 3am and I can't sleep SO YA KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

no you don't

general relationship head cannons with izuru kamakura

I'm feeding all the starving izuru simps out there

Okay I just wanna say this out of random (because I'm cold rn)

Cuddles with izuru on cold nights..

💳💥💳💥

this man gives top tier cuddles once he knows how to

if the ultimate cuddler wasn't already a thing he made it one can't change my mind

all in all nights whether there cold or not are lovely

his number 1 priority when it's night is making sure your comfortable making sure you have enough pillows and blankets

his hair is honestly like a blanket itself

Oh and if you can't sleep..

he would definitely leave to grab some things

and he comes back with most likely a book and some tea

tea to help calm you down

and as for the book he would cuddle you and read to you

(I'm melting writing this rn aaaa)

And mornings are also lovelier

he would either stay in bed with you or get up to make breakfast

but I feel like he would most of the time cuddle you until you woke up

and then make breakfast

(I could explain why I'm thinking this but I'm to tired rn)

can we talk about how his cooking would actually be bomb af

(of course it is he is an ultimate cook)

I personally feel like if your a person who always does small hobbies like crochet, or drawing

he might get a lil jealous on how you can do something that takes so much patience without getting bored..

Am I the only one who thinks this 🤡?

I'm not saying he is overprotective but I'm not saying he isn't either

but trust me your safety is also his number one priority

whether it's physical or mental

he would 100% use most of his useful talents to help you

struggling with emotions ultimate therapist comes into play

sick? ultimate doctor is here

In danger? got an ultimate body guard by your side

I also feel like izuru would also always be by your side

even if you can't see him or don't notice him he is there

he's just lookin out for you

wouldn't say he is a yandere

... but he does give of yandere vibes but non toxic

just like maybe.. anything that poses a threat to you or your relationship with him shall be slaughtered

This man is the ultimate boyfriend

maybe even the ultimate husband?

I'm so going to make a NSFW version of this but my brain can't comprehend that rn so I will tmr -

Stay spooky - modhiyoko

[sayafics]

Ghost - Chapter X

Sorry for the long wait! I didn't see much traction with the series so I wasn't sure if people were enjoying it anymore, but thank you to everyone who reached out to ask for more because I do genuinely enjoy writing this series! This was my first series as a fanfic writer, so it will always hold a special place in my heart <3

Previous Chapter

Masterlist

It was up on that roof where Rick had come up with a plan - a plan so brave and so foolish Casper almost wanted to knock him up across the head.

Rick wanted to make it to the construction site, to grab a truck so they could all hide away from the walkers whilst he drove them far away from the infested streets of Atlanta.

A stupid plan.

But a good one.

She was reluctant to admit it, and angry that he wouldn't let her join him.

That was what brought them to this moment now, standing across from each other with a truly dead walker lying on the ground between them with his body mutilated and guts spilt across the floor.

She was fuming, eyes narrowed as she looked the stubborn man in his eyes - "I'm coming with you."

"No. You're staying here, and that's final."

She rounded the body, shoulders raised as she looked at him with incredulity laced in her voice, "you cannot be serious. I am not letting you go out there. There's hundreds of them and one of you. It's not safe."

"That is exactly why I need you here. I need you safe."

The heated pair pretended to not notice the lingering eyes or awkward coughs, "I mean," Glenn's hesitant voice piped up, "it's not like he'll be alone. I'll be there too. I'll make sure he comes back safe."

Casper stared at him with scepticism, eyes flashing between the man she met only hours ago and the one she had been with for only a few days.

She almost laughed at the irony of how she had trusted Rick within seconds of staring into those terrified eyes, and yet here she was doubting the words of a man who saved her and Rick from dying of starvation, cramped within a tank.

Casper couldn't help the frown that crossed her face, couldn't help but look into Rick's eyes as though it was finally her chance to look for something.

"I'll come back."

Something flashed within those sea-blue eyes of his, something deep and daring and true.

He'll come back.

He has to.

"Promise?"

Rick was wary of the eyes upon him, recalling how Glenn and his friends had thought she was his lover and not his friend, remembering the guilt that stung through him as he confessed he had a wife which was not her.

Still, looking into those earnest eyes of hers, he could not help but wrap her tight within his arms. Casper gripped the front of his shirt, her cheek pressed firmly against his chest as she focused on calming her breaths.

This would be the first time Rick and Casper had been apart, even if it was just for a few moments. There was a part of her terrified he would never come back, just like the people who left her in that hospital bed.

There was a part of her angry that he was willing to sacrifice himself for this group of people they had just met.

There was an even greater part of her that roiled in the horror of the idea she might forget him, just as she had forgotten her past life so easily.

If Rick was here, in her sight and in her arms - she could never forget him. But if he was gone, the lingering fear she would simply forget it all sat heavy upon her chest.

"Promise, sweetheart."

His whispers of reassurance did little to assuage her, but his calming touch, a relentless grip, was the most real thing she had felt since the moment she woke up.

He was real.

He was here.

And he is going to come back.

She pulled herself away from him, hands trailing down his arms as his own stayed locked upon her waist. Casper sent him a strained smile, "okay. But if you don't come back, I'm going to burn your hat."

A surprised laugh escaped Rick, his eyes alight as his pacing heart settled with her agreeance.

"You're gonna have to fetch it from the tank first, if that's the plan."

"Well then, I guess if you really want to keep me safe and stop me from being eaten by a big group of walkers, you better get that truck and come back here quickly."

Rick's expression sobered at that, even if she didn't mean for it to.

"I'll be back. And you'll be here. Safe. Y' hear me? No leavin' or we're gonna have a problem."

She had never seen him so serious, so blunt. His Southern accent rang clearly as he voiced his concerns, a tinge of anger at the thought of her being harmed coated his words.

Her fingertips tingled as she gripped his arms tighter. Her smile was shyer now as her eyes flickered between their amused audience - "whatever you say, cowboy."

Casper stepped back from him, eyes falling onto the soiled remains of a walker as she took a resigned sigh, "I guess we should probably get started then."

***

The group had smeared Rick and Glenn in the entrails of walker guts, covering them thoroughly head to toe.

Casper smeared Rick with blood and muck in careful drags, trying not to catch his face. She held back her giggles of amusement at the way his nose scrunched up under the scent, the way Glenn heaved, and Rick held back his gags. She thought it was weird how she wasn't as averse to the smell as they were, but perhaps her sense of smell was simply not as sensitive.

When the time had come, Casper couldn't give Rick a parting embrace so instead she sent him a shaky smile.

"You promised."

Rick replied with a smile of his own, eyes fluttering as they roved over her figure. It was like he was committing her to memory, afraid that this may be the last time he saw her.

"I'll come back to you."

It was his quiet whisper that had her heart sink to the pit of her stomach, but she held strong for the moment.

There was no longer any anger within her, not when she could lose him so quickly in a matter of seconds. There was only gratuity, there was only appreciation, there was only friendship and love and trust.

He'll come back.

He promised.

He left with a parting nod, exiting the building with a hesitant Glenn at his side as they shuffled into the alley with the faux gait of the rotting dead.

The moment the door was slammed behind them, Casper found herself turning for the stairs, racing up to the roof so she could watch them from there.

So she could make sure he didn't lie.

So she could make sure he was safe.

Morales followed the boys using his binoculars, whilst the others talked in hushed voices behind her. It was as though he could sense the anxiety rushing off of her in waves, so he turned towards her with pity in his eyes.

"Here. They're doing good, they're making it through. Keep an eye on them, would you? I wouldn't wanna lose them in the crowd."

Casper couldn't find it within herself to smile, she simply took the binoculars from his grasp and looked into the sea of walkers of frantic eyes.

There.

Safe.

He is there and he is alive and he is safe.

Behind her, she hears chatter upon the radio, senses the way the air charges up as the people she met were finally able to get into contact with their group.

She thinks she wouldn't mind meeting them now, because meeting them would mean Glenn and Rick made it back safely.

Casper bit her lip out of habit, her wandering thoughts quietened as she focused on what was in front of her. Rick and Glenn were making progress, although it was agonisingly slow.

They were passing through unnoticed, and she could see how the boys began to swell in confidence. Their movements became more assured, and they waded through the waves of walkers with practiced ease.

Thunder rumbled overhead, and Casper drew back from the binoculars to shoot a worried glance at the sky. It seemed like it would rain soon - she hoped they would have made it safely to the truck by then.

But it seemed luck had not been on her side from the start.

***

Slowly edging towards the silver gates, Rick kept his head on a swivel, watching out for any walkers that did not follow the rest in their mindless dronings.

He was keeping a silent count of every step he took, tracking every tread and every shuffle he made in order to know how many he needed to take back to find Casper.

He just needed to get to the truck, just needed to get in and drive it back. Then she would be safe, next to him. Safe and warm and breathing.

Safe.

He was so close, so close that if he could sprint without being jumped by walkers he would.

And it seemed he may just have to.

A drop of water hit his head, the cool sensation trickling down his forehead to glide across the bridge of his nose.

Soon, Rick and Glenn were soaked to the bone, all remnants of walker remains washed away by the harsh winds and icy rain.

"The smell’s washing off, isn’t it? Is it washing off?"

Glenn tried to keep his panic down, tried to lower his voice, but he could see how the walkers threw him a second glance, then third, then another and another and another.

"No, it’s not." Rick was not sure if he was trying to convince Glenn or himself, but he just knew that if they failed now he would most likely never make it back.

And he couldn't let that happen.

But it seemed he could also no longer deny the obvious, as the walkers had stopped to stare at them with hunger, "well, maybe," Rick corrects himself.

The closest walker to him roars, rearing back before launching towards him. But Rick was quicker, aiming for its head with his axe.

He is sure, even across this entire distance, he was able to hear a horrified scream. And he hoped Casper would not watch him be torn and mutilated, hoped she would not watch him fail to fulfill his promise, hoped she would be brave enough to turn away.

***

The group upon the roof watched with terror painted across their face as Rick and Glenn barrelled their way through reaching arms and biting mouths, escaping every grasp and pinch and tear.

"C'mon Rick, please."

Casper had her hands held up towards her face, fingers covering her moving lips as she spoke fervent prayers to anyone who would listen.

Her heart bound within her chest, beating on her ribs as though it was trying to escape and reach out to him. She felt her gasping breaths become shorter as she watched with horror sinking deep into the confines of her skin.

Rick launched himself towards the gate, Glenn just behind him.

Casper held her breath now, watching with avid eyes as Rick threw his axe over before himself. Her eyes welled with tears of relief as he managed to throw himself over and escape the infective touch of the walkers only a hair's breadth away. And then she hesitated for a moment, her eyes no longer following Rick as she focused on Glenn instead - maybe she didn't trust him as much as Rick, but he had helped her. Had saved her.

She thinks if Glenn had died in that moment, there was a part of her that would be upset for a long time.

Glenn gave her a second chance, she only hoped he didn't need one now.

A bubble of laughter escaped her lips, relief colouring her features as she leaned against the closest wall with her hands rubbing across her face, brushing the wet strands of hair from her face.

They made it.

Rick made it.

Glenn made it.

They were alive.

The group watches as Glenn makes a run for the key board while Rick turns and starts picking off the walkers who got too close for his liking.

Casper leaned as close as she could without falling off the building, paying no mind to the figures that sidled up next to her.

She lets out a silent cheer as she watches Glenn throw something towards Rick, and she hopes it was the keys.

The pair run towards the truck, frantic in the movements as walkers begin to climb over the fence and trudge towards them with increasing aggression.

The run in, slamming the doors closed behind them.

Glenn watches the walkers get closer to him, beginning to pound on the glass, separating him from being torn and consumed - "go, go, go, go!"

Rick adheres to his pleas, tires screeching as he backs up the truck. The walker was thrown off, but still relentless in his pursuit.

Rick drives towards the gate, trying not to waver at the sight of a crowd of walkers who pushed against the gate until it collapsed under their weight. He drives through the crowd, heart racing as he tries to not look back.

Rick looks towards the building roof, remembering his promise to Cassie. He could drive there right now, he could hope she made it into the truck without getting caught in the crowd of walkers, he could try and save her now if he wished.

But he wouldn't succeed.

He wouldn't.

Would he?

He couldn't risk her life over a possibility.

No there had to be a better way.

He wasn't leaving her.

He wasn't.

He couldn't.

He'd be back.

He'd save her.

He had a plan.

***

The tears flowed down Casper's face freely now, hearing the group argue behind her as she stared at the space where she last saw Rick's truck before it drove out of view.

He left her.

He left.

Rick left.

Rick lied.

***

Rick and Glenn stood upon a deserted street, a flashy car sat untouched in front of them. With a crowbar in his hand, Rick breaks through the driver's side window causinh the alarm to blare.

Whilst Glenn covers his ears, Rick works quickly - the engine begins to rev as Rick hotwires the car, with floundering gestures he ushers Glenn side.

He had to get back to Cassie.

***

Glenn couldn't stop the grin stretching across his face as he drove chaotically past Rick in the cube van, he manouvered his way past debris and walkers as he traced his steps back to the department store.

Glenn fumbled with the radio, eyes flickerinh between his steering wheel, the road and his shaking hands - "those roll-up doors at the front of the store facing the street," God, he hoped they could hear him over the screeching alarm, "meet us there and be ready."

Casper felt her heart swell at the words - they were coming back. Rick was coming back.

She felt guilt sting her throat at the idea she had believed Rick broke his promise so easily. She thought back to all Rick had done for her, to keep her safe and felt ashamed she ever doubted him.

Casper wiped her tears, a hesitant smile stretching across her face at the sound of cheers echoing around her. The group began to race down the stairs, a frenzied air of chaos radiated around them now.

Casper went to follow, but hesitated as a voice called out - "hey, you can’t leave me here!"

Merle.

It seemed the others paid him no mind, launching for their bags so they could escape quickly.

"I’m not fooling, man! Morales! Hey, man!" Morales paid the man no heed, rushing away before guilt could hold him still, "don’t do this! Come on. You can’t leave me. Don’t leave me here, you guys."

Casper stood by the door, watching how Morales encouraged T-Dog to go, "you too, Casper," she met his gaze with an inquisitive gaze, "he ain't gonna leave without you, you know that."

"We can't leave him like this."

"Leaving him like this won't hurt anyone."

"You might be okay with it, Morales. But I ain't."

"Yeah! Y'hear that, Morales, even the chick got better sense than you," there was a frantic sense of desperation in Merle's voice, he sounded grateful even.

It seemed Casper's insistence was all T-Dog needed as he ran back from the door in an attempt to unlock Merle's handcuffs as quick as possible. Although, it seemed in his rush he lost his footing, tripping over Dale's tool bag and launching the key down a drainpipe.

Casper's mouth was agape, dread colouring her features at the realisation of what this means.

No.

No.

"Son of a bitch! You did that on purpose!"

Casper really hoped he didn't, and Merle simply looked murderous.

"I didn't mean to!"

"Now what do we do?" Casper's question went unanswered as T-Dog ran for the door once more, "it was an accident!"

"We can't just leave him here."

"We have to! Rick isn't leaving without you, we both know that. And we need to go."

"He may be a bastard, but I am not leaving Merle behind."

Her heart ached at his petrified pleas, she couldn't imagine being trapped knowing that walkers would eventually find you and consume you piece by piece until you choked on your blood or lost enough to die, only to return as one of them.

She wouldn't wish such a fate upon her worst enemy, and she certainly wouldn't wish it upon Merle.

"We have to go, Casper."

"No," she looked at him with incredulity, but he only clenched his jaw in return. T-Dog reached for her arm, holding it in a tight grasp as he pulled her into the stairwell.

"Let me go! We can't leave him! Please, he'll die here!"

"No he won't," T-Dog begins to spew off hurried whispers as he reached for the chain hanging from the door jam and sealed the door shut with a padlock, "no he won't."

Casper watched on, aghast. He had locked Merle onto the roof, after leaving him handcuffed. No man deserved to die a death like this.

T-Dog paid no mind to either of them, instead grabbing Casper once more as he hauled her down the stairs. This time, she did not have it within her to resist.

***

"I am not leaving."

It had been too long, and still Casper hadn't come.

Rick's heard sank in dread - did something happen to her? Was she simply angry with him? Too stubborn to want his help anymore? He hoped not.

He prayed not.

"We have to go! They're going to get in, we need to leave. She doesn't wanna come Rick, we have to leave her behind."

Rick ground his teeth out of irritation, so close to lashing out at Andrea for her words but then the sound of running catches his ear.

"Wait for us! We're coming!"

T-Dog.

Us.

He said us.

Casper was with him.

Rick felt his heart slow to a steady beat, his hands still trembling in anticipation as he waited for them to show.

Seconds passed before a large figure launched itself into the truck - he seemed to be holding onto Casper with a vice grip.

The sight of such a thing caused Rick's lips to twitch, but he held himself back.

First he had to make sure they were safe, and from the sound of groans drawing closer that wouldn't be anywhere here.

He hit the gas, speeding off as Morales let down the back door.

As the truck slows down from its rushed pace, Rick's wandering eyes search for Casper in the rearview mirror - "hey," his voice soft as he took in hed quiet form and darting eyes, "sweetheart, are eyou okay?"

He was worried she was upset with him for his detour, angry that he hadn't come back as soon as he had gotten into the truck.

Casper's eyes met him through the mirror, red and swollen - "he dropped the key," her words were a dreaded whisper.

"I wanted to help him, but I couldn't."

Rick wished he could reach out to her now, wished he could hold her in his embrace.

He wasn't sure what to say, so maybe that was why he was relieved when Andrea spoke instesd - "where's Glenn?"

As if on cue, the sound of a blaring car alarm rushed passed them, the red sports car a blur in the wind - such a sight caused many to break into laughter but Rick's eyss stayed fixed onto Casper who continued to stare out into space.

They had left Merle behind, just as her people had left her.

The only difference was, Casper had survived. They had left her in a hospital with resources, somewhere she had the chance of surviving.

But to be handcuffed on a roof of a walker-infested department store, with no weapons or food, no shelter or barricade - Merle was a meal ripe for picking, he was a sacrifice so the rest could live.

And Casper felt like an active participant to it.

So so sorry for the long wait, I feel like this chapter does seem quite rushed but I'm honestly looking forward to the reuinion between Rick and his family, and Casper meeting Daryl. I didn't want to miss any plot points out so this chapter is like one big summary, I hope you guys enjoy it and that I didn't disappoint.

The reunion chapter is next, and hopefully, so is our first glance at Daryl!!!

Taglist: @maxinehufflepuffprincess @brittney69 @hhhilloklll

[raccoonsrummagerostrum]

can you write fluff for gay trans man who just had a simple metoidioplasty and needs comfort from their yautja husband?

A/N1: Thank you so much for the request!! I've written this to be more gender neutral as that's what I prefer. But hopefully it's done in a way where anyone can put themselves into this. 

Yautja vs bottom surgery recovery 

GN!Yautja x GN!Trans!reader comfort

Word count: 1105

Warnings: Mentions of surgery, surgery recovery, pain, taking pills, very slight mentions of bathroom use (really it's nothing, just covering my bases), mild nudity, reader is trans

Summary: Your lover dutifully cares for you during bottom surgery recovery, sharing in both the good and bad moments.

A/N2: For those wondering, a Simple Metoidioplasty is the creation of a penis using existing genital tissue by way of surgically enlarging an already enlarged clitoris. It's one hell of a surgery and my heart goes out to anyone who has had this, y'all are braver than the troops.

Your transition would not be where it was without your friends. There were only a few who you trusted with something this sensitive. Coincidentally these were also the same friends who you trusted with knowledge of your relationship. Predictably having an alien predator for a partner was not the easiest thing. You knew full well that oomans were easily scared of things that they don't understand. It was paramount that their existence not be found out. 

Unfortunately it was due to this fact that they could not accompany you to your surgery. Despite how much they wanted to, and how much you wanted them to, you both knew that it just wasn’t possible. Thankfully your friends picked up the slack. Driving you to surgery, hanging out with you as you woke up, and driving you home. They even picked up your recovery prescriptions. Once you were back home your friends made sure that you were comfortable and that you had everything that you needed, wishing your lover good luck when they left. 

Prior to surgery you and your lover had done extensive research into recovery. And during patient education you had brought back any and all reading material for your lover to read as well. So as you continued to wake from the anesthetic, your lover was well prepared and was already tending to your needs. 

You were sat in a nest on the couch, one that you had arranged prior to surgery so that you wouldn't have to futz with it now. But that would not stop you. Your lover, knowing you would be hungry, brought over some pre approved snacks only to find you attempting to stand.

“SIT DOWN OOMAN,” they shrieked. You in your delirious state, still comming down from the anistesia, did not take this seriously and continued rearranging the nest, only to be cut off by your lover effortlessly picking you up. You whined, but still knew that resistance was futile. Instead you directed them like a contractor to a build crew. Once settled down again your lover distracted you with snacks and cuddles, and you were happy. For a while.

--

That night you woke up in an immense amount of pain. Earlier in the day your lover had tried to offer you the pain meds that had been prescribed to you, but you felt fine, and insisted you didn't need them. But now you found yourself regretting that.

You and your lover were still on the couch. You gently rubbed your hand on the top of their elongated head. They chuffed softly in response, before opening their eyes and looking up at you.

“It hurts,” You whine. Without another word they got up and walked across the room to grab that bag of medications. They sifted through the bag, and found the bottle to find the painkillers. Returning to you, they opened the lid and handed you the bottle. Pouring out a dose you reached for your water, only for the empty bottle to be taken from you. Before you had even realized that it was empty your lover filled it and brought it back to you. After this your lover was much more diligent in keeping up on your pills, and pain management. Even when you weren’t in pain, they made sure that you took your pills.

--

Going to the bathroom was difficult. Walking to the bathroom was difficult. But your ever diligent lover was there. Their genuine curiosity really helped as you knew there was no judgment. They would have carried you if you had asked. But you knew that walking, difficult as it was, was still important for recovery. Your lover dutifully fulfilled every request, and carefully guided you back to your nest when you were done. 

--

The time had come for your first post op appointment. Once again your friends came through to help you out, driving you to and from your appointment, and celebrating at the amazing results. Coming back home, your lover was ecstatic. After months and months of preparation, you and your lover could finally bask in the fruits of your surgeon's labor. 

You sat at the edge of your nest, a blanket pulled over your lap. Despite how close you and your lover had needed to be over the last two weeks, and how much of your body they had seen before, you still found yourself overcome with bashfulness. Your lover, knowing you almost too well, rested a hand on your calf. Their claws gently scratched your skin, and they purred loudly enough for you to feel it in your chest. Their mere presence helped to calm you and instill confidence, but they didn’t stop there.

“I know how long you have waited for this, I too have waited many revelations for this. I don’t mind waiting a little longer.” Their voice was deep and smooth. And the statement was underlined by a long sustained purr. You took a deep breath, steadying yourself. For a moment you closed your eyes and focused on your lover. The gentle scratch of their claws on your skin, their eerily slow breathing, the persistence purr rumbling in their chest.

When you opened your eyes you easily moved the blanket and opened your legs to show your lover the post op results. They stared intently at your core, taking in every detail of the new sight. You felt your body becoming shy again but forced it down not wanting to interrupt them. They continued staring for a long while before they turned their gaze back up to you. The corners of their eyes were upturned, and their mandibles hung open in as much of a smile as their anatomy would allow. The shyness fully overtook you, closing your legs and covering your face as a red blush flowed across your cheeks. Your lover took this as an opportunity to show you just how much they love you. Leaning down they caressed your thigh with their mandibles, they allowed their tounge to loll out and make contact with your skin as it grew hot to the touch under all this attention.

Sensing your growing shyness they came up and held you. They pushed their forehead against your face, pushing your hands out of the way. You both embraced each other. You knew that there was still plenty of recovery ahead of you. Your doctor had warned that there could be up to a year and a half before full recovery. But you didn’t worry, you felt secure in the knowledge that your lover would be there always, effortlessly fulfilling every request, carrying out every ask, and never leaving your side.

[ill-skillsgard]

Definitely would love more Faust and faith!

A/N: I have been really loving this FxF renaissance and I thank everyone who sent in prompts for more Faust stuff. It's made me so happy to write them again and I hope you continue enjoying and letting me know your thoughts. Reblog and stuff if you'd like to read more!

Warning: 18+ Smut (unprotected sex/oral), alcohol consumption, mature language, one use of the r-word and some brief mentions of non-consent, violence, angst, and Faust crying.

Summary: Faust discovers something about Faith that drives him back to the brink of uncontrollable aggression. Can he continue burying his demons to stay with her, or will they overtake him once more?

- Not based on Lords of Chaos. I use Faust!Valter’s likeness only as inspiration.

Read more Faust x Faith here [x]

Faith couldn't get back to sleep the first time she woke at 6 am to Faust snoring behind her. Waking next to him again made her throat tighten with guilt. As much as she tried to move on—promised herself that even if she saw him again, she wouldn't take him back—she fell right back into his snare.

It was no small thing. The man was obsessive, impulsive, quick to anger, and selfish. Not only that, but Faust was withholding and, controlling, charming... Intoxicating. Greedy. Violent. Faust was too much. Leaving her safe boyfriend was stupid, and she could already see the problems from her comfy spot next to him, where his breath tickled her skin.

She didn't want to think of the future. All she wanted was to stare at his lips and admire how he looked without a scowl. To touch him and enjoy the way he smelled. To remember what it was like when they first met, and he was only a mystery and had no blood on his hands. Those were different times; she had changed, and Faust had not.

He woke in a daze an hour into her studying his face and said nothing as he rubbed his eyes and felt an enormous wave of lust hit him. Some of the night's recollections stirred, and he remembered who was beside him and grabbed Faith around the waist, pulling her close.

"Good morning," she said.

"Mmmph," his voice was gruff, barely above a whisper. "Kiss me."

What Faith thought would be a sweet peck to seal their rekindling quickly turned into open-mouthed, moaning, and Faust rubbing his crotch against her thigh. He could barely keep his eyes open when he whispered, "fuck me."

Faith climbed over his hips and waited for him to look up at her before sinking down on his cock. She expected a smile when he finally opened his eyes, but he choked and sat up, hands clamping around her ribs.

"What the fuck is that?"

Faith looked down at the small tattoo she had under her breast and giggled.

"Um, it's a rose."

"It's a tattoo."

"Yeah, so what?"

"Why?"

"What do you mean why? Because I got it."

"Why would you get a tattoo?"

Faith scoffed. "Who even cares? Everyone has tattoos these days."

"Yeah, but you... You don't get tattoos."

She smoothed back his hair, laying it over his shoulders before taking his face in her hands and kissing him.

"You don't get to tell me what to do."

"Faith..."

"Are you going to get mad about every little thing I did while we were broken up? You barely even know me anymore."

"People don't just change in a year."

"Yes, they do. Well, at least I did. You wouldn't know. Maybe if you asked me how I've been rather than making me have sex with you, you'd know that."

"Making you, huh?"

"You seduced me."

"You're the one who was all over my cock last night. I seem to remember you pouting over a rubber."

Faith kissed him again, giggling. "You are the one who brought me to your place and wouldn't stop saying you needed my pussy to live and how everything sucks without me, and you can't get it up for anyone else. Trust me. You were drunk."

"So you took advantage of me."

"How!?"

"By existing."

Faith smacked his shoulder. "Shut up. You're gonna have to get used to how things are now."

"Oh, yeah?" Faust asked, palms sliding up and down her thighs, lip caught between his teeth. "And how are things now?"

"First of all, I have a new place. I'm renting a room in a house with other students. So, no more sharing a dorm," said Faith.

"That's nice."

"And I got a job at a bar—"

"You fucking what?"

"Relax. It's a bar in a restaurant. Nothing like the bars you go to."

"And you got a boyfriend."

Faith's smile disappeared. "Yeah... I got a boyfriend."

"Is he gonna continue being a problem?"

"Not if you don't make it one," Faith said, glaring. "Don't even fucking start, Faust. You said you fucked other girls, and you don't see me trying to fight them."

"Fucking isn't the same as seeing someone. And I got the black eye to show for it."

"Is that so? Then what are we right now? Fucking or seeing each other?"

"Right now... We're fucking around. I just got back from tour, and you just got out of a relationship. You're working at a bar now, I guess; I'm unemployed again. You'd be an idiot to come back to me."

"What happened to saying I belonged to you last night?"

Faust clamped his hands on her hips and pulled her onto the mattress next to him. He looked into her eyes, holding back a smirk. "You said it yourself... I was drunk. Saying stupid shit."

"Faust!"

"You didn't have to break up with your boyfriend just to hop on my dick. You could have just fucked me and kept it a secret like most people would."

"You made me!"

"I didn't make you have sex with me. You wanted it. You said you wanted to fuck, and I gave you what you asked for."

"You said you loved me!"

"I do love you."

"Then what are we?"

Faust rested his hand on her shoulder. "I'm the guy whose cock you're gonna start stroking in about two seconds. And you're the little fucking slut who's gonna open her mouth and take everything I wanna put in it. Got that?"

His voice came over her like a sheet of gravel. When he darkened and his grip on her strengthened, her resistance waned. The black sparkle in his curious pale eyes charmed her all over again. But she had to remain strong. Stronger than the girl who had fallen in love with him first. With her newfound independence still intact, she had sex with him once more, showered, and told him she had to go. Faust tried hard to pretend he was okay with her leaving and stayed quiet as she grabbed her things and walked out the door, blowing a kiss as she went.

Faust fell asleep alone and awoke hours later, pining for her already.

~*~

He wasn't sure when to find her again. Faith was ever-present on his mind, but he didn't want to overwhelm her. He understood that his sudden appearance had shoved a wrench in the spokes of her life, and overdoing it could drive her away. But she had left the other guy and professed her love to him. It was enough to keep him comfortable, knowing she wasn't likely to go running back to Hunter any time soon.

Instead of showing up at her work, he did the next best thing and bought a phone and internet plan for his new place. With a connection, he could find her online and send her a message like he used to when they first started seeing each other. It was a non-threatening approach, he thought, until he stumbled upon her Instagram account and spent the better part of an hour scrolling through the posts made during their time apart. Photo after photo of Faith with Hunter... Kissing him, riding bikes together, out for dinner, Hunter standing next to her fucking dad. And they were smiling so genuinely Faust wanted to smash his new phone into the fresh drywall.

Then he saw the documentation of her tattoo appointment. Not only did Faith have a tattoo on her ribs, but Hunter had the same one in the same place. They had gone to the local tattoo shop together, and Faith posted a mirror photo of them showing off their fresh ink side by side, her bralette showing as she lifted her shirt up and stuck out her tongue.

His stomach bubbled and snapped like a boiling pot, his chest so tight he could barely breathe. He wanted to carve the little black rose out of Hunter's skin with a red hot knife and then pin that square of skin to his heart with the blade driven deep. Sweat beaded on his forehead as a curdling wave of nausea came up from his guts. It was the worst sensation he had ever felt, ten times worse than a hangover. Faust wretched in the bathroom, slamming his fist into the tile to relieve some of the blinding anger.

Faust had to keep reminding himself that Faith had, understandably, left him because of the voices hijacking his brain. They were there now, whispering and laughing and telling Faust to find Hunter, to stick something sharp through his windpipe, to organize another burning, to dispose of the other man permanently. But they had pushed him too far before, to the brink of jail time, into a room with an investigator who questioned his whereabouts on the night the Trinity Church went up in flames and a man burned alive within its smoldering walls. He had been lucky that time. Too lucky.

And though he had walked away with an alibi, Faith distanced herself. Letting her leave was a good idea at the time.

Faust waited. He waited for the photos with Hunter on her Instagram page to disappear so he could quit checking up on her, and he waited for the right time to track her down. It was an intense exercise in self-restraint, but nothing Faust hadn't done before.

He waited a week to ask if they could meet up. He expected her to reply right away, only knowing her to do so, but Faith answered him hours later at midnight. She was out at a bar with some friends from school and told Faust she wasn't leaving but that he could find her. So he did.

Faust hopped in his car and drove to a dive bar downtown where some shitty dad rock band played on a stage the size of a loading pallet. The place was barely a room, and Faust saw her right away at the end of the bar and felt all kinds of conflicting emotions. There she was, his Faith, dressed in all black, wearing fishnet tights and a form-fitting skirt that hugged her ass tightly. The skirt rode up with every step she took, and her makeup was different, and he wasn't sure he liked it. She was in the middle of a lively conversation with a blond girl he had never seen before. Instead of going straight to her, Faust sauntered to the opposite end of the bar and ordered a beer.

Finally, as the blond pulled Faith along by her bracelets, she turned and noticed him, his height unmistakable. His eyebrows shot up as she stopped and stared.

"Faust! You're here," she said.

"Yeah, I'm here. And what are you doing here? Wouldn't your dad go fucking nuts if he found out you were hanging out in a place like this?"

"What? Are you gonna tell on me?"

Faust made a mocking face and beckoned her with a casual nod. The way she looked dressed in the tight, black get-up made him want to make fun of her, but she was stunning. Too stunning. No doubt others had noticed her. He touched her back, pulled her in, and said for anyone nearby to hear, "Do you want something to drink, princess?"

Faith went stiff against him, though she giggled.

"I'll be right back. I'm going with my friend."

"Oh, yeah? Where you two going?"

"Outside."

It was then Faust noticed a particular smell on her.

"Faith...Have you been smoking?"

"No! My friend does. I just have her cigarettes on me because she doesn't have a purse."

"Bullshit."

"I'm serious!"

"Then let me come out with you."

"No, Faust. My friends don't know about... us."

"What the fuck do you mean they don't know about us? Everyone knows about us."

"Not them! I have different friends now. People you don't know. They're not metalheads."

"Ah, I gotcha. You haven't told your little friend that you broke up with what's-his-face yet."

"Please don't bring that up tonight."

Faust gave a prolonged nod, scoffed, and shook his head while her cheeks burned. He had discovered yet another facet of her that he never knew existed. A false side. One that wasn't so shiny and hid the truth. Faust couldn't help but laugh.

"Alright, princess. I like this little dirty side you have going on. Why don't you go outside with your friend, then come find me. I'll buy you both a drink."

Faith squashed a devious smile and backed away from him, biting her lip. She turned and left the bar for twenty minutes. At that time, Faust chugged two beers and ordered a shot of whiskey. By the time Faith returned with her friend in tow, he was less sober, and Faith was looking at him like she wanted to jump his bones in the bar in front of everyone.

"So, girls. What will it be?"

"We'll have a Jack and Coke," said Faith.

"And how are you two planning on getting home?"

"What does it matter?"

"I dunno. I guess it depends on where you're going after last call."

"Oh, you curious?" the blond asked.

Faust didn't answer the question. "What's your name, doll?"

"It's Kasey," she giggled. "But you can keep calling me doll if you want."

A grin unfurled over Faust's lips, and it made Faith's heart skip a beat. When she looked at Kasey looking at Faust, it was immediately clear she found him attractive. And she should have known, for she and Kasey had bonded over their similar tastes. Kasey's eyes sparkled up at him, as most would meeting one of his genuine smiles. In the low lights, Kasey watched how Faust carried himself, stiff yet confident, his side profile and striking cheekbones, pale green eyes, and lips soft and full. The long black hair, the leather jacket, the bullet belt, stark black jeans, and boots—he was something that stepped out of her bad girl dreams.

Faust had had no intention of having a good time at the bar, but the way Faith monitored Kasey's advances was too delicious for him not to encourage a little bit. He supplied them with a drink and let the night unfold with a sick sense of vengeance warming his belly. Faith now had to bathe in the water she drew from keeping secrets about them and lying by omission. They both knew it, and poor Kasey had no clue she had become Faust's instrument of the night, playing on her attraction to him to keep Faith by his side too.

The plan worked, and he found himself outside the bar as the band took a break, Faith sidling up to him as he smoked a cigarette. Kasey had gone to the washroom, and they had a free moment to talk without blaring music and loud conversations.

"So, are you gonna like... Fuck my friend?" Faith asked.

"Depends... Are you gonna keep pretending like you don't know me?"

"I'm not pretending like I don't know you! We've been hanging out all night."

"You're acting like I didn't fuck two huge loads into you last week."

"Ugh, I don't care! I just don't want her to touch your arm again. Why are you letting her?"

"We're not dating anymore, baby. Your fuckin' matching tattoo with your boyfriend says it all."

Faith paled.

"Yeah, didn't think I'd find out about that, did you?"

"You moved away! You said I should forget about you, so I tried. But now I feel like I can't live without you."

"You, can Faith. You've been doing it."

"It doesn't feel right, though, beetle. Please."

"Now who's fucking drunk? Saying dumb shit."

"I tanked my life because of you. Do you even understand how fucking pissed my dad's gonna be when he finds out I broke up with Hunter?"

"Broke up with him to get back with me?"

"I don't know! I just know that I want you."

"But we don't know each other that well. Are you sure you want to go home with me? You gonna tell your girlfriend you're leaving with the guy she wants to fuck?" 

Faith grabbed his arm, and he let her drag him away.

"Where's your fucking car? Let's go home."

Faust snickered. "My place or yours?"

"I don't fucking care. Let's go."

The thought of Kasey touching Faust drove her hand to his lap while at a stop light. He looked down briefly, smirked, and directed his attention back to the road. She leaned closer and squeezed his thigh. Every few seconds, Faust would look down at Faith's hand in a different stage of unrest, rubbing his crotch, yanking open his belt, and struggling with the button and zipper. And he didn't make it much easier besides leaning back and parting his knees. Once freed and she began stroking, Faust relaxed and chuckled.

"So desperate for cock, aren't you, slut?"

The question activated a latent urge within her. There were no more thoughts of anything but him, his voice, his body. Faust recognized this girl, how she squirmed and bit her lip, eyeing him constantly. Faith had fallen submissive, and he was happy to stoke the urges he missed so much. 

"Be a good girl, and show me what you like to do with that mouth."

"Um, should I take off my seatbelt?"

"Whatever you need to do to get those gorgeous lips around my dick, princess."

No matter how much makeup or fishnet she wore, Faith was still unsure. He liked that about her. He had never met anyone so timid yet feisty. The women he had used to replace her physically never reminded him of anything but his persistent love for the woman climbing over the seat to insert her head under his arms. The downtown streets were alive that night, and Faust pulled up beside an elevated truck, hoping the passengers didn't look down to see Faith bobbing up and down on his lap.

Faust swerved once as his eyes rolled back and he groaned, her mouth wrapped tight around his tip, humming. He drew a breath in through his teeth and shook his head as though trying to remain conscious.

The drive to Faith's house was difficult, but he made it before she could suck the life out of him. Faith stumbled out of the car, laughing, into Faust's arms. He righted her and followed the wobbling girl through the house to her apartment on the second floor. Faith struggled with her key, and when the door swung open, her scent wafted into the hallway, enveloping his senses in a warm wave of familiarity. He smiled as he looked around, her belongings taking up space and decorated to suit her tastes, but his grin faded when he saw her bump into the table and almost lose her footing, trying to take off her high heels.

"Come to the bedroom," Faith slurred.

Faust took slow steps and met her at the doorway, peering into the room as though he were gazing into a stranger's underwear drawer. She stood on her tiptoes to kiss him, unaware of his growing discomfort, until he made no move to kiss her back.

"What's wrong?" Faith asked.

"You're fucking wasted."

"So?"

"I'm uh... Yeah, we can't fuck."

Faith's jovial expression disintegrated, replaced with a sneer. "Are you serious? You won't fuck me, but you'll let me suck your dick the whole way here?"

"I didn't realize how drunk you were until we got out of the car."

"Faust, don't be a pussy. Come on. I know you wanna fuck me. Why else did you come over?"

"Maybe that was the plan," he said, gripping her wrists and forcing her hands away. "But, no."

"What the hell? Are you joking? I brought you all the way here, and we're not even gonna fuck?"

Faust scoffed. "I'm not fucking a drunk chick. I'm not a fucking predator."

"But I want it," she whined.

"I don't give a shit what you want. Take off your makeup, get in your pajamas, and drink some water."

"You can't fucking tell me what to do! Who are you, my dad?"

Faust captured her by the shoulders. His powerful stare brought silence over the room as Faith stared up at him, trying not to pout. Her eyes filled with tears, but Faust was insusceptible to her tactics.

"You need to sober up."

"Fuck you. Hunter would fuck me if he were you."

The rapid energy shift in the room made Faith take a step back, regretting her words instantly. The man towering over her snarled, and one hand that had been gripping her shoulder went to her neck. He didn't squeeze but supported her so she couldn't look away.

"Guess the fuck what? I'm here, and he's not. He will never be me. I suggest you never mention his name ever again. But it's good to know he'd fuck you if you were wasted."

"No, Faust, it's not like that!"

Faust backed her into the wall and diminished his height, boxing her in with his whole body, eyes drilling into her while his teeth flashed. "You are mine. That other son of a bitch will never be half a fucking thought in your head ever again, understand? You belong to me, you've always belonged to me, and I don't care how it was while I was gone. All that's done now. Don't ever call or text, or message him ever again. Delete his entire fucking existence, or I promise you, it will be a thousand times worse than last time."

Faith struggled against him. The deadpan coldness in his eyes and his persistent grip on her became claustrophobic, and she threw his hands off of her, tears rolling loose over her cheeks.

"Shut up! Don't you hear how ridiculous you sound?" Faith cried. "You're so opposed to touching me if I've had a drink or two—"

"Way more than two—"

"I said shut up, Faust! I'm not finished."

Faust withdrew and gave her some breathing room as she wiped her nose and sniffled. "You act like it's rape, but I know you've fucked other girls at parties while they were plenty more drunk. I know that for a fact because Anika told me stories about you after you left. So what's the difference between that and..." Another bout of sobs turned her mascara muddy. "You've hurt others, Faust. Really bad. So bad that it ruined what we had. And what we had seemed so perfect. It'll never be the same. When I look at you, I'm scared."

"I promised myself I'd never disrespect a woman, but I did—I used to. I have major fucking problems, Faith. But all of that went away when I met you. And then that sick fuck did what he did to you and those girls. It just took over. The thought of somebody hurting you... I can't. I fucking promised myself I'd never end up like my piece of shit father, yet here I am. Full circle. Everything I hate, I've become. No matter how hard I tried to be the opposite of him, I turned out just like the motherfucker."

Before he could say more, Faust pressed his mouth shut and backed away. Not once since they met had Faust brought up his parents. The horror on her face brought him crashing back into reality, and he shook his head, unable to meet her eyes without the salt and heat of tears stinging his. Faith followed him, hungry to witness the anguish on his face after having let go, to see him lose control and cry.

"You think I don't regret what I did? I don't want to hurt people! But it's like this entity lives with me. I can't fucking think of another man touching you without feeling like my heart will explode and kill me. I'm so full of anger, and it reminds me of last time."

"What do you mean?"

"Like I'm gonna do something horrible."

"No, you're not," Faith grabbed his elbows and shook him. "You are not going to do that again. If you love me, you won't. And I'm not saying that to protect Hunter. I'm saying it because I can't be with you if you can't get a hold of yourself. It can't happen again."

"It won't."

"Promise me, Faust. Look me in the eyes and promise me you won't do that shit ever again."

She hugged him close, panicked by his silence. He pressed her whole frame into him and looked off through the window at the moon-washed street, remembering. The calculated torture, the screams, and the flames were all there, yet so were his memories of falling in love with the girl sobbing into his chest.

"I promise," he said.

"You swear?"

"I won't do anything. Just give me another chance. I'll be different."

Faith nodded, the last of her sniffles chased away when he leaned down and kissed her. By then, Faith was too tired, and the thought of sleeping next to him again soothed her nerves. Though his lips tasted perfect, her desire was only to lie down with his body pressed around her. Faust needed no guidance, and they both stripped down to their underwear and climbed into bed, where they fell asleep, sharing each other's breath between them.

[magnuficent76]

And and. Grrr also 🖊!!! For Jonah/Mephistos brother I know who that is but my brain. GRR I just woke up and tumblrs search is so shitty I can't find him but you know who I'm talking about!! Was in that writing that tore up my soul. Talk about that one more!

YES I DO AND THAT IS NONE OTHER THAN

MR BASTARD BOY HIMSELF ! ARCHER :D !

A man overtaken by greed, by the need to be bigger and better tham everyone else, Archer Caede is not a man who you would trust with your life, but you'll probably still trust him with your money. Everyone is just another pawn in his mind, but he fails to realize he too is attached to strings.

Brother package deal along with Jonah ! A resident of Pandora who always craved a life better than this hunk of intergalactic trash, but who really didn't have many opportunities to get away without leaving behind what he had. Unfortunately, he is burdened by sentimentality. A big flaw in a man of ambition, but hey, he won't have to worry about it too hard after a while. Not too smart on numbers or very skilled with guns, but an absolute madman with words. He can convince anyone of anything and he'll still make it sound like they're the ones coming out on top. Manipulation doesn't even begin to cover what this man does for fun. Its also the only reason why he keeps calling himself straight [SLASH J]

Lawful evil and I mean that. Has never broken a single law by virtue of just being really really good at making what he does (stealing) sound noble ("taking away resources from bandits locally as to reduce the harm they do in our communities"). He will fight with every banned trick in the book if he has to because he knows otherwise his ass would not make it out of the fight without an (even more) broken nose. He's perfectly content swiping the rug from under people's feet when they're no longer of his use because he's TERRIFIED of the possibility they may turn on him first, and he knows he wouldn't survive if that happened. He's very weak (in his own words) and because of that, everything is just an opportunity to keep surviving, everything is just another thing that is out to get you at all times. Unmedicated OCD king.

Archer is a very, very deep in the closet gay man who has literally never accepted or even tried experimenting with his sexuality once before because his mask is made out of paper and he's scared if he breathes a little too hard it'll melt and reveal the "shameful" version of himself. He struggles actually being himself because the real version of him is not marketable, and that's all he sees himself as: A Product, the face of a brand. This just keeps getting intensified as he goes with Maliwan, whose whole company premise is "be as marketable as physically possible or else you're useless". Which is also why he comes to really hate his brother too. "Why can you be yourself without having to worry about what other people expect. That's not fucking fair" he says, as he keeps worrying about what other people expect even though he could just not. Meanwhile Jonah is just bisexualing about. Like some kind of wizard.

Despite this he still falls in love extremely fast. He doesn't know what proper intimacy feels like so he just latches onto the first person to give him attention and thinks that is what being in love is supposed to be, so often times he ends up scaring people away because it comes off as... very very very intense. He just wants to distract himself from the reality but reality doesn't hold back very much !

Look at him and his brother together <3

He is soooo normal around a certain someone from his office. Totally not experiencing first hand what obsession feels like. This guy's super, incredibly, very normal about attraction to other men. You can trust this man, as an employer, around your son, who is his superior. He is so normal.

[Turns out he's actually not]

[silver-heller]

*Yeets my hc's of my au Orchid Jewelries.*

I am obsessed with the idea of Sookie being a kind-hearted sister towards Charlotte, and also scenarios of Sookie and Lawrence meeting Clarence and their reactions.:

While I know that Charlotte is distant from others (Lawrence and Maire, I wouldn't be surprised about Wick.) Yet my brain did not feel reluctant upon throwing it under my face lol.

Imagine Sookie, despite knowing how much of a spoiled personality Charlotte is, still continues treating her well and invites her to her house and having a chat over relaxing tea and sweets. She even offers to comfort Charlotte whenever she feels she has a bad day or whatsoever. (Sookie being the mother hen she is.)

Like I know Charlotte is jealous of Sookie having a family. However Sookie on the other hand has an opposite reaction to this, like perhaps she could teach Charlotte about good values, how to be kind to others, or how to have humility and handle rejection. While she knows she can't force Charlotte about it, at least she has a reason why she's doing this to her. It'll take a long time for Charlotte to build up trust and maybe develop as a person.

She wants Charlotte to not end up like her when it comes to dating someone, or per say having a boyfriend. Sookie fears Charlotte wouldn't handle being treated miserably like Sookie was when was formerly married, thus Sookie divorced her husband due to finding out he slept with another woman at night.

(Another reason why Sookie lives separately with her daughter.)

Hence I can totally see Sookie not approving Clarence dating Charlotte because she's not sure if Clarence would treat Charlotte alright or rather be loyal to her and not cheat her with another woman. Imagine Sookie giving Charlotte a pep talk like “Listen, I am happy that you date someone… But I don't want to sound like Mother, however please try to talk to your boyfriend about it? Please?”

Off topic but if Lawrence meets Clarence (I dunno if Charlotte is official with Clarence) then he absolutely disapproves of him dating Charlotte. Lawrence gets strict and overprotective when it comes to his siblings dating someone, depending on the person. 

Lawrence is an uptight law-abiding man like Wick but far more harsh, when finding out Clarence owns a distillery he absolutely does not allow Charlotte to be with Clarence at all. Even if the two attempted meeting up privately, that did not stop Lawrence finding ways to get rid of Clarence. (Charlotte would 100% wouldn't like how Lawrence is now treating Clarence.)

Lawrence literally holds more power than Clarence and I do mean he can have the power to yeet Clarence to jail if he tried hurting Charlotte or one of his siblings. No matter how much evidence Clarence tried to hide or fabricate it with lies it won't be successful at all, so I can imagine he is trying his best not to shake underneath his shoes whenever Lawrence is glaring at him.

Clarence: I am dating your sister, so I am soon going to be your 'brother-in-law'. 

Lawrence: Moreso you're going to be 'no-longer-my-brother-in-law'. *Holds a bunch of files of evidence, and handcuffs he got from who knows.*

Edit: I had fun writing this btw, I didn't included Maire to this cause she pretty much doesn't care about whoever Charlotte is dating.

Okay have a good day/Night!

I mean, if parts of the family reached out to Charlotte, I doubt Charlotte would turn them down (outside of maybe Wick) just to be polite. I do admire Sookie's efforts, but when it comes to Charlotte I think she needs a stronger motivation. In the main fic, this comes in the form of Silver and Silver's ex husband, Silver never bending to Charlotte's BS, and Valentin, whom Charlotte almost cheated with, being revealed to have cheated and tried to "run away" with many other women in the past, only to abandon them. Nearly becoming one of those women really woke Charlotte up, I would say. Though after the fact I imagine she'd understand what Sookie was trying to do previously and be grateful to her.

I don't think Clarence is a cheater. I do think, in a very annoying way, he is very dedicated to Charlotte when she's still petty and wants a leg up on others. Making the couple, I really wanted them to be that annoying couple who, therefore, always shows off to people and always has the other's back, even when the other is being nasty. Not to say Clarence is good, of course, considering he is homophobic and encourages Charlotte to be terrible, but I do think he's dedicated to Charlotte either way.

I am not sure Lawrence's actions would help the situation either, as it'd just make Charlotte feel more like it's "Clarence and her against the world". Plus, with the variety of people Clarence knows, I think it'd be difficult to keep him in jail, and, even if Lawrence managed it, I doubt Clarence would be treated poorly there. If anything, whenever Clarence gets out, Lawrence would just encourage Charlotte to do what she thought she was doing with Valentin and run away/disappear with Clarence. It's an interesting dilemma indeed.

Though, in the main fic, Charlotte does come around, I am not yet certain who she dates at that point. That being said, I think she works on her internalized biphobia and ends up dating another woman. Probably law-abiding for the most part.

Thank you for sharing, I adore the family dynamics we have going on here.