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fearfilledvirgil · 6 years

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Ivity and Anx: part sixteen

Summary: should i even still do chapter summaries? does anyone read them? do they make a difference? should i just put the whole work summary instead just in case someone comes across one of the parts but not the first one so they have an idea what is happening? help??

Warnings: Blood, surgical stitching, subtext abuse, past death mentions (mother and aunt), swearing, needles/fear of needles,

Word count: 5127

Parings: Slowburn Prinxiety

A/N: *stares at the latter chapters we’ve already written* i dont know why it took me this long to post this chapter. im sorry (taglist under cut)

masterlist

taglist: @rileyfirstname @verymuchanidiot @definentlynotjustanotherlemon @silversmith-91 @kanejandkruge @sander-fander-sides @lovecrazyjennybear @the-incedible-sulk @hexdream18243 @crows-with-hats @monikastec @definenormalifyoucan @i-am-absolute-fandom-trash @applecannibal @cats-with-blogs @bubblycricket @witchcraft--and--wizardry @bunnyartie @quietlypondering @elusivefalsehoods @hghrules @royallyanxious @quietwords-loudthoughts @squishynonbinarytwink @sortablue @illogical-anxieties @savingshae @a-fander-named-skittles @thelowlysatsuma @ughthatsprettygay @im-so-infinitesimal @certifiedtrashxx @karmels-stuff @sanders-sides-trash-blog @musicqueen1239 @the-average-loner @nicological1 @oh-star-how-the-mighty-fall @surleytemple @nervous-collection @asapmy @super-magical-wizard @arandompasserby

Warmth. That was the first thing that Virgil recognized when he slowly started to wake. It was all around him, more so than usual. It was comfort that had the smell of safe, and of pine. The second thing that registered in Virgil’s head was pain. Pain, and a lot of it. His eyes broke open wide, panic ebbing into him for a moment as he forgot where he was. When he saw the guitar on the floor, the same place as last night, everything came rushing back.

The pain was still annoyingly present. Virgil shifted, but wasn’t able to get far. Roman was curled up next to him, their legs intertwined and his arm thrown over his torso. He always slept better in Logan’s bed, so his brain probably assumed that he was cuddling with Logan. But his unconscious mind was incorrect, and now Virgil was mortified.

Virgil tried to shift again to relive some of the pain of his arm, but Roman shifted as well. He pulled Virgil tighter to him, which made the younger blush more. He was lucky that Roman was there, though, because he was the only thing preventing him from rolling onto his left side, where he usually slept. Virgil bit his lip to keep from wincing as the sleeping boy accidentally bumped where the large cut was. He needed to be quiet and still so that he didn’t wake Roman.

Roman felt the body he was curled up against shift and slowly started to wake up. He was not fully awake yet when he mumbled a soft, “Morning Pat.” Once he opened his eyes a couple moments later, and saw the blood stained gauze, he remembered the events of the previous night. Roman jerked himself into an upright position faster than Virgil thought was possible. “Fuck, Virge. You’re still bleeding,” he went to touch the bloody bandage, only for Virgil to wince away. “Okay, yeah, you need to go to the hospital.”

He quickly pushed himself from the bed, pulling Virgil up with him. Completely ignoring the fact that both of them are in their pjs, Roman dragged Virgil with him to the front door to pull on their shoes. All Roman could think of is that Virgil was lucky he hadn’t bled out yet, and that he needed to be taken to the hospital to be properly patched up before he did. Roman mentally kicked himself for not throwing the boy over his shoulder last night and making him go then and there. I’m such a fool. Roman thought as he pulled on his Adidas. I should’ve known better than to think something that deep could be held together with some bandaids. Patton and Logan would’ve known better. Stupid. That was absolutely stupid.

“Before you say anything, you can kick my ass after you get better. I will throw you over my shoulder and carry you to the hospital. I am not kidding right now. This is really serious, Virgil. You need to be patched up better than I ever could do.” Roman said more down to the ground than to Virgil, considering that he was sitting and still tying his shoes.

“I’m…” Virgil started before trailing off, sitting down next to Roman. “I’m okay. I’ll just have to stitch it myself. I’m okay.” He wrapped his arms around himself, using that position to hold onto the wound. He looked almost afraid, highly sheepish, and so very uncomfortable.

“Why do you keep insisting to not go to the hospital? You clearly need to, Virgil James Sanders!” Roman used Virgil’s full name, trying to get some sense into the younger. He only knew that his middle name was James because he told him as Anxiety.

Virgil froze more than he already was. Roman had used his full name. Which meant that Roman was getting really upset at him because he wasn’t being cooperative. It’s not like Virgil wanted to start a fight, but the memories and fears haunted him. The few times Virgil ever went to a hospital were not pleasant.

Roman felt bad for the way the younger boy tensed up, but he didn’t want to let him win. This was not something that Roman could just ignore. “It’s important that you get this looked at. You could die from this! Do you not understand that?”

“I-I understand that.” Virgil managed to stutter out as he began to shake slightly, clearly on the verge of a panic attack.

Despite his own panic, Roman felt something twist in his stomach. “Hey. Talk to me.”

Virgil shook his head in a refusal to say anything more, not wanting to make Roman angrier than he already was. He knew that if he opened his mouth he’d start panicking, and that was not something he could do on top of everything else right now. He had to focus on his breathing and keeping quiet so he didn’t upset Roman further.

“Virgil, please?” When he still didn’t get an answer from Virgil, he tried a different tactic. “Anxiety,” He said, his voice softer than it had been before. “Look at me a minute,” Once Virgil looked at him, fear very clear in his eyes, Roman continued. “I’m sorry that my worrying is pushing you to panic. That was never, never, my intention. Why don’t we focus our breathing for right now and after we both calm down we can talk about why you’re so scared. Okay?”

Shakingly Virgil nodded. “Oh-Okay.”

“Good. So together. In for four.”

The two fell into the well known rhythm easily. Roman kept counting and doing the breathing while Virgil matched his breaths to Roman’s. After several minutes, Virgil looked less like a terrified kitten. He was still on edge, ready to bolt, but didn’t look like he’d break down anymore.

“Better?” Roman asked, offering a hand out for Virgil to take if he needed it.

Virgil nodded. “Yeah.” He didn’t take Roman’s hand, but he did scoot a little closer to him on the bench.

“That’s, that’s good. Now something about hospitals scares you, really scares you. Would you tell me why? I just want to understand and help you. If it’s something besides,” Roman looked up exasperated as he thought of a bad example. “‘They’re white and that clashes with my aesthetic’ I’ll try and find an alternative. But it… it scares me knowing that you’re still bleeding that badly.”

Virgil looked down for a few minutes before answering. “I’ve only been in a hospital twice. Neither time was a good experience,” Roman waited, expecting there to be more to the story. Virgil breathed deeply before continuing, “My mom was in one before she died. I remember going in one and being so hopeful every time because she had told me that hospitals made people better. And every time I left I remembered being heart broken.”

Something inside Roman cracked at what he had just heard. He just imagined young Virgil walking into a hospital, eyes and heart full of hope that his mother was getting better, only for that to be ripped apart every time he left. Roman would hate going to those places too if something that bad ever happened to him.

“Virge…. I’m sorry.”

He just shrugged. “You didn't know.”

“Let me make a phone call. We have a friend who’s a doctor. I can see if they’ll come here and stitch you up.”

“There’s no way I can afford a doctor who makes house calls.”

“I’ll take care of it,” He noticed Virgil looking at him in a confused way. “Don’t give me that look; it’s not charity. It’s me wanting to help a friend. I may be famous but I still have a soul.”

“Sometimes,” Virgil rolled his eyes, turning his head away from Roman. “Sometimes I forget my only two friends are rich. You throw money around like nobody’s business.”

“Hey!” Roman jokingly put his hand against his chest in mock-hurt. “I don’t throw money around. This is serious and,” he paused to kick off his shoes and stand. “Your dad is probably hiding your money from you.”

“My what?” Virgil got very confused very quickly, standing as well.

“Well… I know that when a parent dies, most if not all of their saved money goes to the kid. And, depending on what their job was, the company may give their remaining salary to the kid too.” Roman shoved his hands in his pajama pockets and began walking back to his room. He had a somber look on his face.

“And you now this for a fact how?” Virgil asked as he followed. Roman shrugged, eyeing Virgil’s arm for a second.

“My aunt died when I was a teenager. My cousin went through it so I know some stuff.” His voice was filled with so many emotions at once that it was hard to differentiate between them. Virgil was taken aback. Roman seemed to have been hit hard by the death too, but was also remembering the happy moments with her.

“I’m-I’m sorry. Were… you two close?” Virgil decided on as they entered the forest themed bedroom. Roman sat on the bed before running his hand through his hair. The younger settled himself on the floor.

“It’s okay…. And yeah, we were. She was a Disney Princess at Disneyland. She was the one who gave me the nickname Princey, actually, and called me her little Princey all the time. I spent a lot of time with her and my cousin Rem when my mom was in rehab.” At one point during his explanation, Roman had laid down on the bed. Since he was sitting on it before he laid back, his legs were still dangling off the end.

“She sounds important to you.” Virgil leaded his head back against the bed, but spoke mostly through his teeth. The pain was getting hard to handle at this point.

“Shit, right. Hand me my phone, Anx.” Roman simultaneously moved his right hand to cover his eyes and his left hand out to Virgil.

The prior looked around for a second before finding the phone on the floor somewhat next to the guitar. He reached over to pick it up, huffing in a bit of pain at the stretch. He grabbed it, retreated back to his prior spot, and deposited it in Roman’s hand.

“Thank you, my dark and stormy knight. I’m going to make a quick call now.” Roman said as he held the phone up in the air above his face. The hand covering it was long gone by now, instead helping holding the phone.

“Right, okay.” Virgil blandly responded as another round of pain stung up and down his arm. The panic he was feeling earlier overrode the pain, but now that was gone, he had free range to feel it. It was just amazing.

“Hey!” Roman said happily into the phone after a few seconds. “I need to call in a little favor, my friend.”

Virgil looked away from the boy on the bed, opting instead to stare at the floor. He didn’t want to intrude anyway on the conversation, even though it soon would be about him. A sinking feeling settled itself in the bottom of his stomach. He hated when people talked about him behind his back, considering they could be saying literally anything. Because of this fear, Virgil kept one ear open.

“Yeah! But my friend got himself into trouble, but he’s got a deathly fear of hospitals. Just think smol-Roman in second grade, ya know?” Roman paused, waiting for a response, before he began laughing lightly. “Yeah yeah. That would be amazing.... Nah it’s not that big but it’s concerning.” Virgil could tell that Roman had a smile on his face due to the tone of his voice.

“What can I do to help slow the bleeding while you get here?” Roman listened for a few minutes. “Alright. Thanks Joan. I owe you big for this.” He waited for his friend’s response. Once he got the answer he gave an over dramatic sigh. “For the twenty fifth zillionth time I can’t get you backstage passes to them. So what’s your next favor?” Virgil tried not to laugh at just how weird Roman can be with his friends.

“I can do that. See you soon.” Roman hung up the phone and looked at Virgil. “It’ll take them about 10 minutes to get here. In the time being they said to give you some pain meds and put some pressure on your wound. So let’s get that taken care of,” He pushed himself back into a sitting position before standing up. Virgil scrambled to follow suit. “Why don’t you wait in the dining room while I grab the meds for you. If you want you can remove the gauze and hold some new stuff against it.”

Roman didn’t wait for Virgil to reply before he walked into the bathroom to pick up some meds. Virgil made his way back into the kitchen and carefully removed the dirty gauze from his arm. He hissed in pain from the tape and the occasional bandage adhesive pulling against his skin. When all of the stuff was cleared from his arm he grabbed some wet paper towels and went to clean the blood from his arm.

“Here, Virgil.” Virgil jumped, not hearing Roman walk up behind him. He spun around and looked at him scared until he registered who it was.

“Don’t sneak up on people!”

“Sorry. I thought you heard me coming down the hall,” He offered a couple pills to Virgil. “Joan said that Advil was the best for right now. I’ll get you a glass of water if you want.”

Virgil took both pills and swallowed them down dry. “Not worth the bother.” He went back to cleaning his injury and putting pressure on it to try and stop it the bleeding. His anxiety was kicking in slightly at the thought of any of his blood getting onto anything fancy or expensive so he kept close to the sink.

Despite wanting to make Virgil feel at home, Roman knew that the younger boy would probably need some time to feel that way. So instead of pressuring him to sit down, Roman prepared some gauze for Joan. The two boys stayed in silence until the doorbell broke it. Virgil jumped again slightly at the sudden noise while the older boy answered the door.

“Hello, Romano.”

“Hey, Joan. Thanks for coming,” He held the door open for the dark haired person. They walked in and for a moment, they looked around. “Virgil’s in the dining room.”

Roman lead Joan to where Virgil was, and upon seeing the new person, they said, “Hello there.”

“Sup?”

“Virgil, this is my friend Joan. They’re an awesome doctor who will help patch you up.”

“Why don’t we sit down? It makes it easier on both of us. I get fucking tired of standing up all day,” Joan took a seat in one of the chairs, pulled on gloves and set up their equipment. After a moment’s hesitation, Virgil sat down next to them. “So let’s take a look at your arm.”

Reluctantly Virgil moved the towel allowing Joan to see. When they made a hiss of pain at the look of the injury, he quickly said, “It’s not as bad as I’ve had.”

“Then you are one fucking unlucky person if this isn’t that bad,” Gently they poked the wound to gauge the deepness of it. Without saying anything else, Joan began to sterilize the wound. Afterwards, they threaded a needle before pulling out a small vial. “So I am going to give you a local anesthetic shot-”

“Nope!” Virgil interrupted Joan, shooting up from the chair from seeing the vial and hearing that there’d be a shot. “I’ll just bleed out. Not gonna do this. Nope.”

“Virgil-” Roman tried to calm his friend down.

“Nope. Sorry to waste your time, Joan, but this is not happening.”

“Virgil, if it’s the shot I don’t have to do it. It’ll just hurt like a son of a bitch.” Joan put away the vial. “If you get too bad, Roman can knock you out.” They teased their friend.

“Hey don’t drag me into this!” He sounded offended.

“But, Roman, you owe me remember?” The twinkle in their eye was clear to Virgil. “I mean this is just such a huge favor.”

“I think I’d rather figure out how to get you backstage tickets to Hamilton. I’d have my ass kicked less.”

Virgil smiled a little sadly at the easy way the two people could tease and laugh. He could do that somewhat with Logan but not a lot of the sarcasm jokes registered. He was so engrossed in the banter between the people in front of him he didn’t really feel the needle as Joan started to sew him up. Vaguely Virgil realized that Joan also started in the middle of his injury.

“Hey. Why do you start in the middle?”

“Because it’s easier to do the stitching in smaller sections. If I start in the middle and work my way out I have a fixed stopping point. Besides that I’m not sure why. It could be that it helps pull the skin closed so some of the other ones don’t hurt as much. I never retained a lot of the reasoning behind why things are done.”

“Oh.” Virgil focuses on breathing through some of the pain.

“Roman could you get me some more damp cloths?” Joan asked.

Roman does so and helped Joan clean off the blood. Virgil hated the helpless feeling he had. One thing he hated more than almost anything was not doing something and having to be babied.

“We’re almost done. Thanks for not slapping me from the pain. I really don’t want another fucking black eye..” Joan commented as they continue to stitch Virgil up.

Virgil’s eyes widen. “You’ve gotten slapped before, too?”

“Slapped, kicked once. Punched. You’d be amazed how people react when they’re in pain. You’re being really calm. Unlike this big fucking baby here.” They jerk their thumb at Roman who looks at them feigning offense. “I think he’d cry for like an hour over a paper cut.”

“I’ll have you know I got a paper cut and only cried for twenty minutes.”

Both Virgil and Joan groan. “Really dude? Spongebob reference?” Virgil couldn’t believe that the famous person in front of him had watched such a dumb show.

“It’s a classic, Charlie Frown.” Roman argued, crossing his arms on faux hurt.

“There’s no point in arguing with Roman over what is and isn’t a classic. You surely know how hard headed he can be.” Joan shared a knowing smile with Virgil as they were finishing up the stitches.

“I think statues are less hard headed.” Virgil agreed, thankful for the banter to distract him from the pain as the needle went in and out of his skin.

“You two are ganging up on me! This isn’t fair.” Roman whined with a pout.

Joan chuckled before they taped some gauze over the stitches. “You have to be careful with these. Don’t let them get wet for at least a couple days. And even after that you shouldn’t soak them. So no swimming or baths. The amount of times I’ve seen stitches fucked up because of some stupid shit like that is un-fucking-believable.” They began to pack up the medical things, not before taking off the blue blood-covered gloves on their hands.

“Fine by me. I am not fond of either option,” Virgil shook the hand Joan extended to him before settling it on the place of his elbow where the gauze wasn’t touching. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I’m going to give you my business card. Call in about three weeks and I’ll take them out. Or if you find you need some help keeping this big lug in line you can call me sooner.” Joan smiled, eyes darting to the patch up job they just did. They stood, Virgil following suit shortly after.

“I don’t think I’ll be around him enough for that but… thanks.” Virgil managed a small smile again. He took the little orange card they offered that matched the beanie Joan was wearing and placed it in his pocket.

“Just stay in state or someshit so I don’t have to fly across the world to get to you, alright?” Joan asked mostly kidding, but there was an underlying tone of seriousness.

“I’ll be fine.” Virgil supplied before being cut off of any other thought processes by Roman.

“He’s not going anywhere, actually,” Roman proclaimed, which made Virgil’s eyebrow skyrocket into his hairline. What was this dude talking about?? “Well, mostly. You should stay here a little longer so I can help you redress it and… check up on the healing process.” Roman’s hand flew to the back of his neck almost as quick as Virgil’s eyebrow rose. He couldn’t keep eye contact with Virgil so he opted for looking at the ground as his hand rubbed his neck.

“You two really need to sort the shit that’s going on between you?” Joan pointed to the two of them while picking up their medical bag. “The tension can be cut with a fucking knife in here,” They quipped, moving to the door. They turned their head to each of the boys when they said, “But anyways! Call me, get me tickets, and both of you, just… yeah. Bye!” And just like that, they were gone.

“Well, they certainly are a handful.” Virgil let out a huff of a laugh, his smile twitching upward. He opened his mouth to say something else, but his stomach rumbled in hunger. He looked down at it sheepishly, blush rising on his cheeks.

“I take it you’re hungry?” Roman asked as he began to move from the dining room into the kitchen.

“If you show me ingredients and shit, I can make pancakes? From scratch too. Or an omelette, if you prefer.” Virgil asked his own question, trailing behind Roman.

The kitchen, to put it lightly, was fucking huge. The ceiling was high with a crystal chandelier over the side where the room trailed into the living room. The cabinets were a light creme, which complimented the dark grey granite countertops nicely. The floor was a dark red hardwood that somehow managed to pull everything together. Virgil didn’t know much about home decorating or interior design, but this was beautiful.

“You don’t have to cook anything for me-” Roman started to say, only to be cut off by a glare by Virgil.

“I got stitches for you. I may not have gone to the ER but I did, and that is me holding my end of the deal. So. You’ve gotta have breakfast. So ha,” The young man smirked before opening the large stainless steel fridge with his good hand to survey what ingredients he would be working with. Upon seeing eggs, cheese, green bell peppers, ham, and bacon, he settled on omelettes. “Do you like bacon in your omelettes?”

Shell shocked, Roman didn’t know what to say. He fumbled with opening and closing his mouth for a few seconds, prompted on to say something by a gesture of his arm. He settled on closing his mouth and shaking his head no. This was apparently enough confirmation for the determined man with stitches in one arm, as he started to grab what he needed out of the fridge, minus bacon.

Virgil took pride in knowing that he was able to get the boisterous man to be at a loss for words. What surprised him, however, was he felt more pride at this moment then he did when Logan was at a loss. Before he got distracted with that train of thought he grabbed a kitchen knife and looked for a moment for the cutting boards. Without saying a word, Roman grabbed one for him and offered it.

“Thanks,” Virgil took the board and got to cutting up the peppers. “Would you grate some cheese for me?”

“Yeah. Sure,” Roman got out the block of cheese and grabbed the grater before moving to stand next to Virgil. “Just onto a plate or where?”

“A plate’s fine.”

Both men work silently, the only sound being the preparing of the ingredients. Roman was surprised by how well the two of them seem to be in sync. Despite the annoyance at Virgil remembering what was said last night, he was glad that they seemed to be working through things alright. They could still help each other out of any funks they found themselves in.

Roman was jerked out of his thoughts when he realized that Virgil had said something. “I’m sorry. What?”

The younger boy gave an over dramatic sigh. “I said where do you keep your spatulas?”

“Second drawer to the left.”

Virgil grabbed a silicone one and poured the first bit of egg into the hot pan, working on making Roman’s first. With what could only be a lot of practice Virgil flipped the omelette without breaking in. His heart swelled with pride when he saw the clear astonishment on the other’s face.

“You’re not the only one that’s full of surprises Princey.” He flipped it again before putting some cheese on top.

“Okay now you’re just showing off.”

“Maybe. You’ll never know,” He plated it when it was ready. “There you are. And omelette fit for a Prince.”

“Ha. Ha,” Roman took it and grabbed a fork. His stomach did a flip. He didn’t really want to eat it but he knew he had to keep his side of the deal. Plus he could practically feel the other’s eyes watching him. “It looks good.”

“I’m glad you think so. But you won’t know if it tastes good ‘till you try it.”

“Ya know you suck right?”

“Hey, don’t blame me for what you said. I’m just making you keep your end of the deal mister. I can always go take a bath and soak the stitches,” Virgil thought he heard something along the lines of ‘son of a bitch’ but he wasn’t entirely sure. He put his his food onto the plate and sat next to Roman. “I’m not going to poison you.”

Roman sighed and cut off a small bite. He ate it and forced himself to swallow it. It tasted pretty good actually but it didn’t cut through the bile he could feel in this throat. Taking a deep breath, he ate another bite.

Virgil watched Roman discreetly. Years of walking with a hood over his head had allowed him to move his eyes in a way most people won’t notice. He was glad that Roman’s eating but he can see how much effort it took. As long as he eats half and doesn’t go and purge it out I’ll take it as a win. It’d be easier to work him up into more than forcing him to eat a lot now. His stomach has got to get used to it again.

Unsure why, Virgil found himself saying, “You’re doing great, Creativity.”

Roman looked up in shock at the praise that came from the man’s mouth. Based on the blush going across Virgil’s face it was not something he meant to say out loud. The reinforcement of someone he cared so much about was enough to push the bile taste back some. It was still there but not as strong.

“Thank you, Anxiety.” Roman replied, his voice just above a whisper.

The two continue to eat in silence for several minutes. Roman stopped just before he finished half of his food. While Virgil wished he’d take a couple more bites he could tell on the other’s face that was not going to happen.

“Did you like it?” He sheepishly asked.

“I did. It was good. How did you learn to cook so well?”

“My mother taught me. When she was sick I’d cook for her. I mean they were never five star meals, but she always liked them. Especially my grilled ham and cheese,” Virgil smiled at the memory, though it was a little sad. “I can make it for you later if you want.”

“You know you don’t have to cook for me every meal right?”

“Would you eat otherwise?” The fact the other didn’t answer was an answer enough. “While I’m here I’m going to cook for you. I mean you were the one who said I should stay right?”

“Why do you insist on using my words against me?”

“Because you open your mouth. Want to say anything else to give me some more ammo?”

Roman shook his head and picked up his plate, putting the leftovers into a tupperware container. “You’re clothes should be clean,” He said, attempting to avoid to give Virgil more ammo.

“Thanks, I guess.” Virgil stood to clean the dishes while Roman slipped away to grab his stuff from the dryer. His arms were elbow deep in suds when the other man returned.

“Umm…. the blood wouldn’t come out of your shirt. I got it out of your jeans though. So I grabbed one of my shirts. It’s not black but it’s gray. We can go thrift shopping for you later if you want some darker colors.” Roman rubbed his arm awkwardly. “I put them in the bathroom if you wanna change or anything.”

Instead of being offended at the thought of Roman spending more money on him Virgil decided to tease him. “Thrift shopping? You know what that is?” He laughed at the offended noises the other one made as he put the last item up to dry, strategically moving so that Roman couldn’t see the undersides of his arms. “Thanks. I’m gonna change. Your pants are too baggy for me.” He dried his hands before leaving the kitchen.

He somewhat knew where he was going, but it still took a good minute to find the bathroom that Roman was talking about. Once there, Virgil did his best to change into what Roman had supplied him with. Upon snooping around for a few seconds, Virgil found some deodorant, an unopened toothbrush, and toothpaste. He used both things to his advantage, and stole the hairbrush for a few seconds. He had no clue whose hygiene things he was using, but he tried not to care.

Roman, on the other hand, sat in a chair and thought about the strange person who was in his house. His thoughts, however, were cut off when he heard the doorbell ring throughout the home. Groaning, he stood to go to see who it was. Shock ran through him when he saw the person standing at his door.

Patton.

next part

okay. so. if you’ve read these past few parts, you’ll know that at the end i do a shout out. who to? why, the lovely @lovecrazyjennybear! in the last one i said i’d try again to articulate how amazing jen is, so i shall. let me put this into prospective: by this chapter, it is no longer proper to call her my beta reader. she’s a mother fluffing co-writer by this point! and i couldn’t ask for a better co-writer, because she is so amazing. i love her writing style, and it matches mine pretty closely so its really hard to tell whose writing. she has so many amazing ideas and is just.,, such a great source of encoragement and modivation. when my Artistic side hits rock bottom, her Roman can swoop in and help write, then Artistic can take over when he’s down. its a great system, and that’s not even mentioning when both of us are writing on the doc at the same time. its amazing, shes amazing, and i love her

#fail’s writing #roman sanders #virgil sanders #virgil angst #roman angst #sanders sides angst #sanders sides fanfiction #patton sanders #joan #lol i have through 20 written #why am i not posting these #im so sorry to leave you on a cliffhanger but boy oh boy is the next chapter going to be f u n

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nocancer · 5 years

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Tryna by Cancer moon

Before Young T went to bed he poured a glass of water and looked out the kitchen window to his backyard and noted how the snow made 3:00 A.M. look like 6:00 P.M.. Only difference being that if he stepped outside with his glass of water to the seeming twilight he wouldn’t be able to hear the rush-hour traffic like he usually could if it was Friday and 6:00 P.M.. Young T didn’t bother going outside because the snow was still falling a little and it’d be there when he woke up. And the neighborhood would still be silent, as it always was.

Young T woke up and his fan was still humming its white noise which he needed to sleep at night even though it was January and his dad was reluctant to leave the heat on over night. The small fan sat on his dresser and was pointed away from his bed towards his window which emitted a sharper and more blinding afternoon light than what he was used to. He checked his phone for the time, it was about noon - about the time where his parents bedroom door would open and their TV would blast the local news and his persian cat, Jo Jo, would meow at his door from which would force him out of bed to open the door so Jo Jo could jump up on his bed to sleep on his pillow from which he would either start his day or keep doing nothing. This time he laid back down, idly on his bed, with the covers pulled over his head to lessen the effects of his slight cat allergy. Jo Jo had a flat face and was grey and fat, and he occupied the entire pillow. Young T thought of how he wanted to trade lives with Jo Jo.

Young T couldn’t fall back to sleep, so he looked at his phone. He bireifly looked at worldstarhiphop, Twitter, then Instagram.

Then he went to bed with a head ache and woke up in college.

9/27/17 wednesday

Tycho: excuse me, hey, getting along just fine, I see? Yolandra: hey, and yeah, sort of, just studying, whats going on with you T: Nothing, the usual, i guess, being responsible, trying not to offend anyone. Y: Oh but you're so innocent. If anyone's offended its on them, not you. T: But my presence alone, I dont know, like I'm out of place or something. And I just want to tell people, Yeah, so, I know how strange it is, me being here and all. Y: You're a free spirit amongst prisoners. That was my favorite part about getting to know you.

Tycho: After all these years, not for a second did i think you were right for me. And thats why i liked you. Cus I'm crazy. Yolandra: thats okay? what do you mean?, i want to get inside your head again. T: [pause] Most people wouldnt understand. Y: Don't be too cool for school. Im not most people. If I knew what was good for me, I'd have cut ties with you a long time ago. But im a crazy bitch too. Havent you realized? T: Yes. Youre highly psychic when it comes to "free spirits" like me - and you, though maybe, "lost soul" would be a better term for me. Though I dont mind being lost. It keeps things interesting. Anyway, you should spend your energy on solving world hunger than worrying about me. Y: dont be so difficult. catching vibes isnt easy you know? coming for your type. Who knows, maybe youre worth it. Tycho: well, your the first to try me like this. im mysterious for a reason. Yolandra: And do you know why exactly? T: Thats for me to decide. Y: It's so damn frustrating. But I guess some things are better left unsaid. T: Most people wouldnt understand that, what youre saying. Indescribable feelings we know happened but fall short in explaining. That sort of thing. Y: I call those. "You had to be there" moments. Tycho: Honestly i never gave up on you, only myself, thinking you were different from my dream girl. it took months for me to realize that but when i did the only thing i wanted to do was forget i ever met you. Yolandra: than what? T: the rest of these simple people that surround us, they see in a way thats opposite of what i am. Y: how convenient it must be. to blame your problems on people you dont even know. and just say "fuck it." I envy you. T: just my luck haha. of being born into myself, my personality forgive me, i dont mean to be such a downer. thats my ego talking Y: you had to be there T: where? Y: in my memories. T: it matters that much to you? Y: if I could find you in a crowd, just to say something, anything, even if i have to scream it in your ear, then you'd know how much it means to me. Tycho: I'll be waiting for you to say hola.

9/30/17 saturday In the midst of an obnoxious trap beat I remember what my grandpa used to tell me. It's the harsh realities of life that stick with us the most. A dream is only a dream until you make it come true. Never hit a women no exceptions." He would say to a 7 year old me. Now I wish I had the balls back then to tell him that his strict army ass probably never had a dream that went beyond what he already knew. Like revisiting the same shitty cloud of meaningless thoughts every night till you reincarnate into someone who revisits a slightly less shitty cloud over and over until they become someone like me, who lives on the cloud everyone strives to be, forgetting those elvish looking folks of the below who never leave the house except to get groceries. There's comes a point in life where you just gotta be honest with yourself, and say hey, i just dont match the freqeuncy anymore. It's okay. I can still pretend like that one MGMT song, but im fading away. Fuck. I get naseous and imagine a cop coming around the corner which kills my vibe for a second so I take my headphones off, spit on my finger tip, ash the blunt, and walk to my dorm. I'm in water so muddy that the surface is all I have to cling onto. What lies beneath is my past, housing the memories like demons. Of course, her face, would be in the middle. Falling more faintly in detail as I wake up sober and go to sleep high and dream nonsense that somehow doesnt go away like the usual forgotten dream you usually wouldnt give a second thought to otherwise but this morning my head feels foggy and theres a vague recollection of a search going on but I dont know what it's for and my chances of knowing diminish as I go deeper into the day. A search, it's on repeat, like my brain is an actual TV. Thats probably a normal thought to have, though I've never heard it in real words. "Is my brain a TV." I say to myself. if you can call it that. but those take the shape of monsters of which, as if I had no choice, I find myself preparing for so when the moment really matters, I can either go down in a blaze of glory or come out on top like the badass I imagine myself to be. All I know is that I was born and now I have to live.

Maybe because my past is so glaringly depicted onto a person I refuse to acknowledge. All that shit was a dream. The only thing that matters is the present, right? Bill Nye the Science Guy would agree with that. Back in elementary whenever we had a sub for the day, a cart would roll in and thats how you knew. I watched his show in elementary school, when we had a substitute teacher. Those were the best days. I had no worries then, able to speak freely with no inhibitions as if duality had nothing to latch its mechanical claws onto. Wait, I'm thinking about the past again. And thats going way back. Fuck! Okay.. On your feet soldier! That baby momma drama dont fly out here in the real world. out here it's the winners and the losers, haves and the have-nots, thats the way it is.

We're here to endure anxiety. I dont care about this slave shit. I think im gonna drop out. These fucking people bro, I shouldve known better than to come here. Deep down in the recesses of my highly realized capacity for recognizing everyday objects I'm hearing the voice my computer makes. It just so happens that I'm a little different from everyone else. I see things. Feel them. Some are expressed. Others proccessed. Though most get put away for later. These things I speak of is all they'll ever be to Some bad. Some good. But in the end I understand the root cause is nothing and thats where I pretty much exist anyway. In between any and all things, including people. At least that what it feels like. So although I may come off as shy and maybe a bit soft to the average layperson I aint no bitch and I wont hesitate to put my body on the line to make some headway when it comes to cementing my place as a savage demon in the halls of said layperson's memory bank. Someone who is wise would recognize the virtue of my conviction It is only because I must prepare for that singular moment, an unknown point in the fabric of time and space. To where if theyre not careful, a life's worth of energy should be pitted against me as if one were to stand a chance against the power housed within my vessle. Theres no such thing as a polite gesture. Nobody asks me how my day is "going" for no other reason than to relay to me how their own special day is "going". reckoning between a humble acknowledgement that I can never truly grasp the reason for existing and therefor should play my part in keeping the peace, versus pure badass in a world of sheep. And the more I get to know my surroundings, the more I reach erradically for the inherent bliss found within the path of satanism.

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Spmewhere off in the distance, Crermoth sits on a palm tree idly sculpting astral suspensions into a tattered fervor of mesh for working the keys of ineptitude. She is oblivious to her surroundings, not caring for chatty and gossip which she cant seperate between her reality and theirs because she is sensitive and when the the fully recognized sage, Esoh, confronts her about she says she much prefers it that way.

Their balance among them. With the wind at her side, Hojihka refuses the initial preference of her stillness and moves in a nameless precession by the whim of her ancestral birth right. "aaa may-ee soo shay-noo"

Her possession wakes up without a name. a new and more elaborate transposition of jubilee onto each successive indifference. The attention to one area renders the outer confines a vacuum enveloping the excess span unto both of their liable to taken over like a plain, sole, unconscious will. It certainly does its job Crermoth and has become something of a plan b pill thats taken during one of her many unpredictable episodes of self hate and general spiritual torment. One time she told J-Money she was a demon in a matter of factness that still haunts J-Money in moments when he pretends it doesnt bother him.. Reliant upon the interaction of her world and the next. Crermoth normally prefers being to herself on nights like these, that way she can answer any calls at a moments notice. A dimension close enough so that she may assist her friends in earthly manners of which, by the natural law of limitation, those lacking the incessant nobility of the Orisha cannot be bothered to see to themselves, less the tether between her world and theirs be rendered a useless tattered fervor of mesh that gives way to any varitable knock of an over arching brood of usurpment of the mundane frequency. “I need space. I only have but so much light of see to her calling as a being of light, assisting the pieces of herself that we’re lost during the falling. You remember that don’t you?” She says “Of course I remember. But only as a matter of fact. Upon closer reflection I fail to see the relevance of a subtle hunch with no bearings in the present.”

I must know that I’m allowed to be straight up with you, else I run the risk of straying from my calling. If there’s anything I hate more than being ignored its catching myself being lazy to the voices. “She musn’t veer to far.” Esoh said on a mountain.

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The woman wakes up to look around. Store-bought soil, empty bike-rack, office building. "Harder. Think harder. Come on girl." She stands for dignity's sake. A car traces a hilltop in the distance. She raises her cold arms to the sun in defiance of stillness. Nothing is in tune with the nature of her being besides the stale wind of a coming day. "Where are you?" The car freezes as it reaches the horizon, but the sound remains on loop. Whirrrrr A portal manifests abruptly and Elegua arrives on a chariot of skulls. "Erzulie, madame, how nice it is to see you this early in the morning." A whisp of fire cleans her face and the car continues over the horizon. "It really shouldnt be, not like this. Where Im at should tell a lot you know." Erzulie said. "Quite a dense reply to a longtime friend, dont you think" "Hmm, considering how I slept in a bush last night and dont remember a thing. I shouldnt need to explain myself." "No? is the friz on your hair not matching the blood on your knees? I can't tell which." Elegua said. Or is the attitude possessing you as if theres no consequence for ill-manneredness? I cant tell which." So long as one's not so dense up his selfish ass that he aint notice." "Oh so now all a sudden you about the finer things in life? We can switch places less you miss me. Erzulie said. Im only pointing out the obvious." Elegua said. Erzulie replied with silence, forcing life to flash before his eyes. She learned this from her Mother, Darkness. "Attitude is possessing you. I cant tell why but its a poison I dont deserve. I was only trying to help" He continued. "I just dont fuck with being called too early. So long as youre not too dense up your ass to take notice, safe to say i'm in some shit right now." "Clearly. A product of consequence." Elegua said randomly. "Yeah, recognize. Please, for me, baby?" "No more testing your patience, Goddess immortal of justice. Save that for what I came to tell you about." "Take me to cleanliness, saintly promise of wisdom. For im not feeling myself." They left the scene to the past and pondered on the pyramid they had just made with each other. "It's nice to be home." Erzulie said. Flying over the palm trees brought Elegua back to his power. "On the basis of love." Elegua said. The salt-water washed away all glimpses of doubt Erzulie had of her beauty. And she harnessed the pastels of the ocean. Thus, all guilt was abolished and unconditional love was convinced to dance within them. Drying his body under the rays of Amen reminded Elegua of his first words. Long ago, before Time was born. "O Father, you are so brilliant." "Thank you, son. I am the Light" "Then tell me, Father, if you are the Light, and are so brilliant, then why is it you flee from Darkness?" "All I do is my purpose, which seeks to balance harmony with creation. Although it is much more complicated than that. Like always I suppose. I'm afraid you ask me a question that I cannot answer. Here, because you are so curious, I will show you." "I'm ready, Father." Light grew brighter causing Elegua to cry in his recollection of what it felt like to say words. The links in his mind straining to pull in the right words. Not too plain to where the moment would be lost in happen stance, and not too radical so that his manhood could stay irrefutable (to convey meaning.) Then Light disintegrated into everything and Elegua searched for Light ever since. So Elegua went to the crossroads, and prodded Darkness for Light's wherabouts, "I want to relive the the moments before he left for eternity. Where can I find him?" Without a hug or a kiss, she told him to let go of his experience in order to live in the now, "Take his place and move forward. Grow up, your Daddy's gone cus you never did." "How could you say that me? I love you, Mom. Yet all I get is hate. Why are you hiding the truth from me?" "If I don't hate you, then who will? You got so much to learn that my heart breaks into brass. You must leave, understand me? LEAVE, before I do what your Father did and them some. I'm this close. Believe me." With nowhere else to go, Elegua obeyed the commands of his Mother. Although lonely at first, the spirits of the dead related to his despair, and offered to guide him through all the known and unknown realms of Ether, so long as he guided the spirits of the living to his Mother. So that the dead could learn for themselves the origins of their being dead. And when Light came back, they could say "Father, we know of Hate, now teach us Love." Elegua tried telling them that it was hopeless, that his Father was there, just not in the way they imagined, that they we're actually his Father and they had to realize it through an altered perception. but that negativity only made them more adament to their cause which annoyed Elegua into a manic spell of existential irony which persisted during times of war with the Snakes on 5th density. One battle in particular Badly wounded, he pulled his chariot with his arms to the middle of a corn-field on a full-moon during the Solstice, it was there he made a pact with his self, to never be ignorant to the fact that fate was an inescapable constant within all contributors to existence. That the very fabric that distinguishes the dead from the living was comprised of scattered shards of an indestructable essence that attached itself to the spirit-body via fate which is the Father of destiny. That the collective conscious is woven by the thread of Fate, thus binding a common goal, or Destiny, inherent to all beings of both polarities, thus setting in motion the spiral of gnosis, which lends itself to the spreading of keys that open the doors to helping each other fulfill each others Purpose. "I will collect the pieces of my Father so that I may speak with him again as I did as a child. I will never forget you because I love you. You are everything to me, which is all I ever could be. Please, I want to know why you flee in the face of Darkness."

____10/9/17 monday

My pace quickens as I veer away from the crowd onto the handicap stairs. I silently count my steps to give off a pensive, non-assuming vibe. Over by the quad theres crows just walking on the grass. Yet I'm the only one who seems to notice, even from a distance. The busses haul ass down Memorial St. I've learned to always be on alert because I'll never know whats waiting for me when I turn my attention off the floor and become reminded of string theory. Artificial energy, cork boards with grime on the edges, tunnel of dull ends, spongy plywood cielings. as i step with my head down and in every so sudden a demarcation in the bricks, the reptiles answer emails. This is where I'm going. Because my soul chose to live here at some point in time not too long ago considering the relationship between all that the universe has to offer and my general apathy towards said all as in any and all one. Which has become quite of a bore ever since the first week ended I had to come to terms with the reality that friends won't simply fall into my lap like they would if I wasnt such a masochist for being lonely. The row of pillars turn to one and all I see is the contentment in the air of the lobby. In the hallway are casually turned faces which glide about in a linear fashion like the ghost of a lost bride.. I get a side-view of the people afraid to admit that this is far from the paradise we expected it to be. The brochure in our acceptance letters didn't include the drunken nights of another dimension. I'm inside the life of an architect. One who's dead by now, but lives on through his work. I'm not going anywhere, the building would say, if it could talk. And I suppose it can. Because I just had the thought, and nothing is ever truly wrong without another thought to compare it to. But then if buildings could speak existed first, and was allowed to grow and find its place in the universe, then it'd be established enough to not warrant an adversary. But the question remains where, if it existed, was its fate organized before coming into my mind, awaiting my final judgement. Substitute me for a unicellular collective conscious and it seems like we're all dealers of fate her on planet earth of the milky way of the universe of the whatever comes next (should we ever know for sure). he or she deserves all the credit for it manifesting onto the grid of my consciousness, which is a zig zag joint's worth of a high right now. The perfect amount for not giving a fuck while still staying slick enough for witty comebacks. Which wouldn't hurt right now. This building isn't going anywhere. Though I wish it would. Because I dread what I'm about to do How he must have pained to communicate something he could call his own while maintaining a dignified and safe, always safe, because god forgive, well, you know, , putting the pen to the pad, drawing collumns in front of a Victorian fassad Succumbing to authority just to eat with a roof over your head and not freeze your ass off like a homeless freak. Profit margins in the final half of quarter one are lower than 1 standard deviation to what is considered by corporate to be optimal. As of now, the college has no incentive to ship in product from outside sources. All inventory must be stored in house to the buyer's demand. You better not be late.

___ On the parking deck

Tycho: “I had a dream I was on an internet forum. Someone posted the words: “life is an endless hell. With a blurry picture of a street at night-time. Not much different from what’s in front of us. I thought that made sense, until I scrolled down, to see a video looking out the windshield of a vintage rolls royce, coasting along a pacific highway. And the lines kept going. Next thing you know I’m falling down a pitch black waterslide, dreading my destination. If I never woke up I have a funny feeling i know where it was leading.

Preacher: In that instance did you feel the need to repent for your sins?

Tycho: No. that didn’t cross my mind. It was too late at that point.

Miranda: “I used to.

T: What made it stop?

Miranda: Seeing all the happy people around me. And knowing that they’ve been through the same shit. Break-ups, Death in the family, just generally feeling lost.

My heart was broken ”

T: Getting over the mind can be a dark place when it has nowhere else to rest. You can train it to think anything.”

Miranda: True

Tycho: Lately Ive been taking these long drives late at night into the boonies. Just to see where I up. I realized theres so many lives I’ll never know about.

If i wasnt born into money maybe I’d be humble enough to hate myself for even thinking such a thing.

How’d you get out of that?

Miranda:

These know it all professors are getting on my nerves. I fear Im crossing into an abyss I’ll never fully understand. Honestly I can’t fuckin stand these people. What name do I have to make for myself that i haven’t already experienced in the depths of my soul?

Tyco: You know how they try to act like they all official and shit, like I won’t see past it.

Miranda: [agreement] They do that.

Tyco: [stream of consciousness] So I just told her look I know its a rule, but I’m all about learning at my own pace and no disrespect i love her but Mrs. Soso can only go so far in telling me how to write. You can give tips and tricks but at the end of the day, I’ve been developed my writing style.. Like I thought we were done with all this high school shit. Well I didnt say that.

M: And what’d she say?

Tyco: She was like “As you get further into your major 90% of your assignments will be in essay format.. we require full participation “ At this im like she gonna hit me with the book like hell nah THEN outta nowhere She said “However, I also believe in 2nd chances.”. On the outside I was cool but inside I was like “*fist bump* yo i cannot fail outta college like someone watchin out for me idk who but-

Chad: fuck that shiiiiit *holds up white rum in front of street light”

Friend in background: 12! 12! 12!

Abrupt scene change. Camera shows Tyco zoned out. Then police car, as Tyco begins to hide behind the tree hes smoking on.

My black hoodie and phone-call to my dealer will still be with me tomorrow as I do the same thing.

(From a dream 10/23)

Tyco is driving around serving with Shantel when she lights her phone up from the passenger seat and puts the phone to her ear.

Shantel: You are not finna be talkin all that mess on my phone. Be honest with yourself. Don’t lie. You a hoe ass bitch.

?? Caller: Why are you even calling me? I dont give a fuck.

Shantel: Wait till I pull up then and slap the shit out you. Would that be better sweety?

?? Caller: I’m at Kawaii’s 30 deep. Bring your lil boyfriend and see what happens.

Shantel: Try me bitch.

[ The economy sedan turns right on red seemingly without breaking. ]

Tyco: 30 deep huh?

Shantel: With them ratchets.

Tyco: She sounds scared as hell aint nobody sticken up for her like that. You know they gonna talk shit right but soon as we throw them hands they gon be like, I dont know that bitch.

Shantel: nah but she stupid tho like not even worth all that extra

Tyco: We’re going. Wheres that nigga house i’ll waze that shit and we get there we just pop off. Aite?

[Not looking at the road, but to her, coasting down an average 2-lane with box neon trimmed tire shops and drive-thru windows governed stately as immovable beasts of mothership stores lurk behind low-sodium trenches of the new world order’s surveillence agenda for mass poplations en masse. ]

Just follow me. I’m walkin in and gonna start a commotion just bussin and you just break this bottle on her mother fuckin head and we out.

Shantel: haaah what okay

Tyco: You’re gonna fuck her shit up som serious.

Shantel: She talk shit about you.

Tyco: It’s in the stars babe for real.

Shantel: You gonna help me find that bitch?

Tyco: You my fucken queen I love you and I got you.

Neighborhood entrance.

Cars parked for miles.

House identified first glance.

Park.

Car doors..

Hip-Hop

Grass.

Walkway.

Steps.

Porch.

Door opens and yellow tops within the frame.

!! WHERE YOU AT// YALL FAKE AND CANT FINESSEE !!

AAAAAH YOU UGLY DARK SKINNED NIGROS

The caller is sitting on a couch ass to ass with other dudes. Looking stupid.

She never saw Shantel. Who came upon her like The Ring.

She has become a party magnet. It is a Slayer concert now. Nobody knows who’s who. Though Tyco is surely getting his ass beat. He catches of glimpse of Shantel’s fat ass ducking through the doorway and he could die right now and it wouldnt matter.

*GUN SHOT*

FUCK GOIN ON HERE MANE

“This not the place for you bro. - White boy comin up here in my place of business - Tryna pop shit off like you really not a bitch”

Kawaii looks up with his glock-9 extendo at his GD party mostly all gone just like that. The poor girl is still leaking.

“She need to go to the hospital.” Her friend says.

He points the glock at his head. Despair.

“Look around before I kill you.” An invitation.

Tycho: “I sold a 4 oz today after my accounting exam. I could be GD, 74, rock purp. whatever it be its nothing but Respect yo. Got connects with chad and Becky nahmean dog. Could put you on to some numbers they white and they fiends. Please OG.

“How much for a zip.”

“80, gas.”

“Was that yo bitch?”

“yea”

Kawaii: You lyin to me?

“No.”

“She eat your ass?”

“Yeah and bounce on my BIG ASS DICK” Tyco says with autism.

K walks away.

T: they don't even sell Molly bruh

K is you fucken high you dummies. Beat this nigga ass. *Tyco imagines the why the fuck you lyyin vine and remembers the exact moment he realized that wasnt an original song but actually a spin off of a classic throwback jam by the 90s R&B group “Next” in their hit single “Too Close”.. He was driving home from the cafe he used to write high school essays in while smoking a menthol american spirit with the windows rolled down on a spring evening playing KISS 104.1 Atlantas classic jams. Then he realized there was a full 6 minute video of the vine on youtube. After watching it he felt gayer. Thats all it did for him.

Tycho wakes up on living room floor.Terry (random G, on couch): *Hands him note× Kawaii said he's sorry. No hard feelings ya heard dog?

Tyco: I guess thugs act on impulse. *looks at note* and don't count on a gahdamn thing you bitchass motherfuckers. Tyco walks into class with a black eye. The Professor talks about interest loans. Tyco meets Moe after class in parking lot.

*Moe: Waddup

Tyco: It's lemon og I just got in.

Moe: Bet. Those last cookies you got. Bomb dude. It had them frar mother fuckers leanin like they can't handle that purp like that nahmean.*laughs*

Tyco: I got some backwoods you wanna hotbox.

Moe: Yo I'm down.

10/24/17 thursday

____ Last night I decided not to hate myself. The look I get from them doesnt bother me. Really, its a simple sign from nature that I’m used to by now. A wrong impression can sustain the fog of memory, of which I will be seen from the lens of another dimension, with not a care in the world, an angel in disguise. Thats the crux of my life up to this point. To no longer hate myself. But appear as if I still do. The nameless place in our past with no address., one of which even a frat boy can relate to. This invisible standard that’s thrown us into the pits of despair must be addressed. To seperate the real from the fake. Like the others are sleep walking through class fronting like they dont see me. The pyramid of perspective is an accordian overlayed on my third eye, televising scenes of sleep walkers who stay fronting like they dont see me. Walking behind the parking deck where green dumpsters were with my phone to my ear is a feeling that remains within me until I do the same thing over again in a few days. Buying in bulk never appealed to me. And if a 20 a g was the price thered be nothing my lonely ass could do. Fuck this worthless paper, I tell myself.

I tell myself. Anyone who catches my glimpse pauses for a split second, calibrating my own opinion of the why in life. A definition of nuance that was never meant to be expressed but felt. To sense what I’ve been wanting, free and alone, after all those wasted days.

I’m signalling. Though I havent been approached yet.

Figuring that would resolve the look I give other people. I mean, christ, I turned 18 last March. And spent the Summer in a last ditch effort to secure an identity before I made my plays in college. For too long I’ve avoided the call of the light and in return have gotten blank stares.

(SOMEHOW gets wrapped up into a petty conversation with sorirty girl (on top of parking deck.)

Clarissa: I was the only one alone in the entire party.

Tycho: Why didnt you leave?

T: Dont worry I dont wanna know your major.

C; Good cus it keeps changing.

T: You think you know everything dont you? This world aint nothin babe.

C: Why do you say that?

T: What do you wanna know? That I get money? Thats nothin.

Clarissa drifts off.

Hannah: So Stacy’s telling me the banners weren’t in that right place and we’re like an hour away from starting and we still haven’t even got the chairs in order and barely anyone who was suppose to be here has shown up yet.

Tycho: Where were they?

“Well for one, Candace, I dont know whats her problem lately, but shes been gone because her best-friends now telling her she’s not rushing anymore but thats honestly a relief because that girl wheres winged eyeliner and thinks shes better than us.”

Tycho: Oh, I think I’ve seen that girl at the library or something.

I intuit that in order to justify her reasoning for not liking the winged eyeliner girl, that she channeled my very own resonant storm cloud of which I emit silently in the face of vanity..

H: Well you’ll probably see her there a lot more cus shes definitely not with us.

“Okay so thats one.” I say as if taking notes.

“Then Rachel’s out at some charity event that I never even heard of probably with a guy she’s not telling us about which is so frustrating that of all days you pick friday night at the peak of rush to go be a hoe behind our backs.”

“Did she ever show up to the party?”

“Yeah. And she was fucking drunk.” She said as if surprised but not really because this is Rachel we’re talking about, after all.

“Like wasted orrr “

“Damn I didnt know yall got down like that.”

“Umm when youre stumbling through the door and your first words to all the new girls is hallelujah bitches!

She wasn’t with a guy.

“So tell me more about the party. Like was there”

who nobody knows anyway

is that Cheyenne is just out of it because her friends now telling her she doesnt want to rush anymore and for one its like look,

Wait, who’s hannah?

Hannah’s the leader of her sorority.

Ooooh, Okay, I see why now

-Yeah, I mean if word got around that would literally mean she was going around their backs to cover up that she was lying.

> Right. Yeah I hear what you sayin. She’s trying to make it seem as if it never concerned yall in the first place but if thats the case then she dont need to be acting like she got the right to be trusted.

This goes beyond reputation. Manipulating emotions just cus she has none of her own. Conniving biitch. just to get her way goes beyond reputation.

Aint nobody wanna be around that energy.

> So what you tell her?

I get schizophrenic when it comes accepting new ways of being. The person I made him out to be was the perfect cure for my suffering. All those forgetful nights of boredom I knew what I needed all along, but was to scared to do it myself.

------ Frat house halloween party kidnap scene ----

GD shaman prays to shango for power to go out by mantra. Squad in car repeats the same mantra. The power goes out at 1:00 (or peak of the party).

Tycho throws blue flare through the side of the window

at the Tycho must find Chad and lure him downstairs near the door so the squad can get the keys to the room full cocaine and adderal. After looking everwhere he’s no where to be found. He walks in on a couple having with the girl in missionary with devil ears. “Yo chad that you?” Its

(fuckem x3) Music stops from power so he sneaks in wireless speaker in his robot costume and puts it at one end of the room. Squad member 1 will carry bigger wireless speaker and set it down when he storms in. Tycho also brings a timed strobe light to distract people and keep the illusion of the party still going.

Tycho runs down stairs and towards door with chad chasing him. Squad slaps tape and mask on him and carries like a battering ram although theyve already kicked the door.

*Power turns back on*

“Fuck em, fuck em, nigga get out my section

Don’t want to see him, I don’t want to touch him

*waves zippo lighter in front of face so chad can see him through mask*

“Ima count 3 seconds and your dead on 5 if i dont get this combination” says calmly. thus saiyth the lord thy god”

“Three... No mercy”

“Two.. Shall be given unto those”

*gives code*

“One.”

Love takes many shapes and forms.Tycho never opened up to people, hating himself for being incapable of feeling what others felt. He wanted more so he went spiritual. Which his close friends perceived as going off the deep end."Ayy whatsup bro you tryna smoke?""I have a calc exam tomorrow but I'm down after."Aight good luck on your studying tonight and then kill it tomorrow I know you got this calc is your specialty can't say the same for me but that's why you always tutored me haha."Let me know if you need more help. Figuring their was no bounds and he could be whatever, even silent, and experience irony rather than fate. How bland, he thought, to have a life plan and nothing to look forward to. Running drugs would be a necessary chain reaction. The highest elixer exceeding the bliss provided by the very weight he'd be pushing, itd be getting off on defying his own life, leaving spirit his only option. And so like a blackbird his soul seeks experience only in the clearest degree of visibility. Swerving transgressions of lonliness to levy the burdens of contrived responsibilities at societies every turn until his flight patterns veer from the trodden path to and fro the calling of reality in which he desires to preside over as a God of many statures. Untainted by works, head first into the entity of the adversary, of which he is able to predict the situational consequence in only a glimpsing moment before havoc ensues and the final hour is upon him, his loose wings coated with astral charcoal of depravity. Be caught slipping once and he loses the jump until the enevitable program takes its course - an unstoppable relationship between fate and reckoning that must be fulfilled as day turns to night. Once that happens he reverts back to being like the rest of them. Yet to the world, now desolated beyond repair, hed still be alive, exuding a calm presence that something is not quite right with him existing without remorse. The truth is simple enough, a hint just ever so slight as to never be able to cross the threshold of utterance, thus becoming rendered a convinction of self delusion on the part of the unknowing accuser, who by this time hates himself for even thinking badly of such a good guy to make peace with. The collage curtails past the illusion of what is already known and at last the watchers take notice and thus regeneration is able to take place along all the land, allowing for new energy to take the throne of anticipation. One that has harnessed the potential to become anything the wonder puts his mind too. So what if I'm imaginative? Yolandra: I mean everyone's different in their own way. Like yeah the soroitys have a dress code and all that Starbucks and capris. But I don't know. You just have to get know a person for who they are and not how the outside world perceives them to be. T: So what'd you first think of me? Yolandra: Honestly not much anything. You were one of those people who could be anything. But then I overheard you say taurus's are gold diggers and I hated you cus I'm a taurus. T: Oh sorry I really didn't mean it like that but c'mon now I can tell you have a taste for finer things you bougie little.. Boob. *laugh\ haha "you know what I mean" It doesn't bother you? What? That so much could go wrong so quickly? Look, deep down he's telling you his heart lies with getting over and you let him because that's /just what you like about him, how deep he gets. cus he's a sad and selfish individual who was never about loving anything other than vanity. The best thing to do would be to trust his actions, intentions aren't what's important right now. Really, forget about the soul connection. Loves comes through all types of people as long as you're open to receiving them. Those energies. Don't lose yourself in the illusion. Without ever taking credit for what truly matters which should be you. Then your fashion made sense to me. T: I'm so caught up in myself. I mean, it's impossible to know anything else. I'll never get to stand in your shoes. Its just truth. Yet I'm the bad guy. You're not like the other people I've met. T: Yeah I'm kind of loner if you couldn't tell already. I guess that's a good thing.T: Hey it's okay. I get that a lot... Wait what do you mean you guess? Ive found that who evers saying does a 180 in their normalcy. Knowing your even here right now is a good thing. Knowing that you're with me even when im not. Don't you think? Starting out with confidence and ending strong to be lucky if I'm not hurt. Tell me what you want out of this. Sometimes I feel so lame, then I realize how fun itd be to not care. Through the window screen i see parchments and grass blades, this is an image I've sought to ignore for its blandness thinking I was over recognizing such mundane structures. The sunlight made me drunk with non verbal contemplation. I crave this heat when I'm in low spirits. And a breeze when I'm high. My thoughts are channeled from a lonely place (My thoughts come from a lonely place) I've had no choice but to become accustomed to for my own sanity. To work faster and breach that veil of reckonning. So unreachable and enticing at the same time.T When I'm alone, welcome something more than the past if you ever cared to help me. This isn't the only world out there. And even if it was the material would eventually reach infinity. Then a black hole would open or something. Don't quote me on that, science is the hottest thing going right now. It cant hurt to butt in unofficially. As long as no one calls you on it. The universe molds to your confidence. That's another story. At the end of the day, I have too much pride to be a scientist. The God they're serving calls for a lot of self sacrifice. A self that ignores emergency when called to speak. A self i'm not prepared to lose. "Why are you here again, nothing will change, you're gonna be quiet like last time" any handle on reality I had during the sun rise flees like an ex girlfriend into the night. I'm not prepared to lose. Anxiety is that humid feeling you get when roughnecking the time away. Jaded peripherals, internet browsing, and fading friends initiate a color spectrum so cruelly vivid in its inability to be shared with the CVS cashier who looked at you wrong because you bought 3 4oz bottles of robitussin. A man who couldnt care to see the streets, stop signs, and traffic lights. Man is a slang term we use when caught in the moment. Of which matrix programming loves to grasp onto. --- 10/25/17 wednesday So here I am enjoying a piece of lackluster nothing for the sake of something I've agreed to experience in a past life I can't even remember but somehow must make amends to as if its an actual concrete thing I can touch and make sense out of without caring to ponder how life puts us in these type situations like getting your hair done a new way and meeting a friend of a friend superficially without ever following up like aight word up bro I feel you by the way hows life and what's the special fact I should become one with in this moment while not thinking too much in to things or else id be alone as if we're not alive under the stars for any other reason than to be happy but still to me that becomes too much like a flash in time rather than something meaningful because then sex would have to be our purpose for being here but you and I both know it's more complicated than that so we look into it via memories and realize the journey was brighter than the reward as in I don't remember the actual sex part but rather the day as a whole with stained glass sprinkled in on a film reel to push the past into something real and unexplainably alluring to the self of which we projected this light onto in order to perhaps know in advance maybe how to repeat this metaphysical phenomenon for a second time because we're not quite there yet although at this rate if seems that to finally reach a state of thereness would mean we wouldn't be able to be here right now having this conversation like a building block struck from below or a house of cards we have to keep faith that every moment plays its part because we had an emotion for it and therefore couldn't be rendered to nothing in a wreckless attempt force it all together rather let each tile compliment it's neighbor and bypass the need for destruction by allowing enough caring energy to flow through that filter mechanism within you that deems lifes moments as worth remembering or forgetting and pretend you never heard about forgetting and avoid it like the plague because everything that ever was is depending on you to go forth into righteous so that gods original intention for letting go of unwanted baggage be synthesized within your vessel of upgrades intelligence so that the journey can still be appreciated only this time without th deceptive veil of the end. to question the little things that somehow don't mean much but at the same time appear to us daily as conduits for good fortune and thats what we must uphold ___ 11/2/17 thursday

I you and me playcated on a surface of stones that match our longing to search in the wrong places. Convenient are we done such a conceivable time that is time which is also time because what more can be said other than us winding down a fire escape to an inexplicable hatch sitting like paper mache on our transformative spiritual natures. Gone already but not forgotten just make sure to take the negative side of every situation involving 1 or more parties so as to make sure the rythym is in order because you can't go wrong with challenging the status quo of an area you're not suppose to be in even if that seems too easy and superficial it's the right choice because even the idea of rebellion as a bad thing must be able to project into a physical thing prompt for examination so secrets may be revealed. Wouldn't you know i stopped believing in faith due to its redundancy of chasing metaphysical strings too far out for us to put into words and isn't that the source of all our angst. Depraved of propositional phrases and elemental tables it's all so clear to me now. Casandra had a bag and Mikey had his sneakers in the forefront like a low hanging fruit but of course they had personalities that weren't so easy to see unless the hard work of interfacing came into the equation. Lets judge people based on judging for the sake of basing ourselves onto something not within our realm of reality. Perception is a hard question i think maybe inanimate objects could tell us a thing or two. Low pressure sodium lamps.Documentorial lecture hall amps failing to reach the end of the pyramid turned 90 degrees away from its focal point. May disease not reach our unexplainable selves if ever they may inhabit our temporary vessels like a friend who has no friends but you and wants desperately to get along with others but is attached to your ways. Are we in hell? What can our astral travels tell us about signaling locations with Etheric marks of time dialation. Things are what they are by defintion or they wouldn t be things however stepping the observer up a notch sets in motion cancer to grow from the singular notion that we ourselves separate on a cost of lightening our load. I am partly responsible for this mess we have made. Pulling my hair out in thin strands so as to not make a difference. Some people just don't understand what it means to be so far gone yet in a place of enchantment that lets us know we're not alone as Michael Jackson plays on the ham radio and Wikipedia says the song was written by r kelly. I'm a solitary young man, joined at the seams complacency and red-ridden vanishing points to a line of sight I'd rather not identify with if I had a choice. I'm seriously considering becoming rich and famous despite others already forcing me to. I guess eventually my spirit will give in as my soul looks from a distance and says what a fool I am then goes about his day. You can't be like the rest of them no matter how hard you try. Thinking on the sensualities you avoided after this rap shit led you no where. The palace at the height of creation where Jesus stopped and stared to collect his thoughts before he kept going when his alarm rang as his slave bending consistency tracked the new melinnia into a moldy piece of sandstone cheese the better of which tasted nutty with fruity notes and 80% abv shards of liquid glass on the throat thatd make even an immortal weep a shy tear or two. The pigs down in Mississippi feel things we can't understand in their slaughterhouse decrepit and forwarned in a musk ridden air flow that's non existent to hypocritical angels who were supposed to stop atrocity but opted to sit on their ads and play virtua tennis all day. Oink says the pig. Hee haw says the donkey. Give me life says the God and there on the 30th night fags came to tell the story on their faces. The bag lady told them to shut up and stop whining but they wouldn't listen though they lost their ability to speak. Goodness gracious me oh my great balls of fire. Great balls of ball you are the Lord of my lonely century in this dimension I took awareness to when I allowed you into my heart space.And then I left asking my self: Who is this I?

755559888a

Let’s stand for a while and think about the dastardly ways we have gone under the waters and flew away from temptation. Have us saying isnt it so pretty to be in something and have that to fall back on due to the struggles of forgetting the place we come from which didnt always have it out for us this bad in refusing us of inconjunctions we can at least point to and blame our problems on saying “See! There, I told you so. That’s why we cant find our beginning!” And we’ll keep toilling the fields as halflings saving up for a chance to leave the very universe we serve. “So thats more like it. Finally something I can get my flows on to” Shelly the alien said. “The Stars dont have to like you just because you see them. They have their place and so do we” Gerald said. “Oh but they do.” “How do you know?” “Well for one they always shine bright at the most oppurtune times, like when I’m feeling down about the part of myself that conveinently seems to escape me just when I need it most. If that be so then put me on to something else and that’ll do just fine.” “Perhaps you're not as big as you thought ” Gerald held up his hand to salvage what was left of the dissolving psychic barrier between them. An invisible giant with an ocd issue. For now he could only listen. “No im not here to choose and thats exactly why Im not afraid to go where you can’t. Having the courage to admit your wrongs requires as much energy as universal rotation itself - a force which exists beyond our pleaidien awareness. ” “ But Shel- Okay whatever” Gerald paused and rolled the horizon through his scaly fingertips. “Keep calling on the unknown and you might get lost because it’s been there forever and sometimes Look, Shelly, no offense, you know I love you, but your awareness has no filter on what representation it can cling onto like danger isnt a reality to you. Me and Dazel always had to look out for you and thats just in this world what makes you think you can take on things you cant even see? “But do you believe in me? Anyone can say they love me. I’ve been hearing that my whole life. So much that it holds the same meaning as “um” does in conversation. Is that really the final conclusion we have at the end of the day? That you love me? Besides, I dont think you really meant that.”

“Here goes Miss Type-1 personality again. Always needing to label circles into squares, stars into gods, this as that, out of an inability to cope with insecurity. Leaving the rest of us as unwilling participants.”

“HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT’S WRONG IN NATURE?” Shelly bawled.

The beach of Temofose was out of walking distance from the orange cottage they grew up in with there Mom. When they were young it was somewhere theyd go when they had nothing else to do. Euweu Sister Beach was the brighter of the two, but now too populated for their liking. Temofose is less frequented by other families and polluted by cargo ships and a lack of open views but as they stood there a semblence of twilight through the holographic cages offered closure to the purpose of them arguing in the elements about a timeline Shelly was going to step into And no matter what argument he could put forth, Gerald thought of it fruitless unless he spoke from his heart, a heart of which Shelly was currently taking the place of, so that he could not use it against her. “Shelly, I just hope you can understand how I dont want to let you go.” “I’m sorry you feel that way. But it’s my choice. Have a good njght Gerald. I love you” She said as she went into darkness.

Summer Break 2018

As a street light exploring strip malls, I am a linoleum tile on top of a trapezoid emitting frames of rave scenes. Heres where I find myself walking through last nights dream of the gang member selling duck pussy then getting assaulted by a pizza guy and a cop. Alone after those nights. Seems love was never meant to be expressed but felt. I look inside to see if I’m about to die, seeing diamonds mixed with sky. Materializing in the backdrop of my memories. Now I know why.

Now I know.

Then a wren on the fence manifests when it needs to. The perspective pyramid is that I pleaded for a higher calling. There’s nobody bohemian as me. One day I’ll take this civic off the road and escape into my sacred grove. If only I wasnt such a bitch.

I carry my single briefcase through the airport parking lot. I’m hot and out of breath. Everyone watching me. I can read their thoughts but not my own. They say look at the guy who isnt me but is still conscious enough to move his vessel.

The a/c runs down to the end of the terminal, but my spirit is squared by the stores selling vain material. The pyramid of perspective is an accordian overlayed on my mind’s eye televises scenes too chaotic to put into words. Walking through customs is an event to be remembered, I tell myself. Anyone who catches my glimpse pauses for a split second, calibrating my own opinion of the why in life. A definition of nuance that was never meant to be expressed but felt. To sense what I’ve been wanting, free and alone, after all those wasted days. I board the flight to say finally I am my own religion. If I was flying over africa I’d see bon fires, but over Georgia I only see street lights. Thinking how absurd that they will speak of me as crazy. Others will listen. A vibration through these amber aisles to look no further than my destiny. Because everyone has their destination is the way it goes. I refuse. I’m tired of being a number. Atlanta had its place. Now I’m homeless in Tokyo. This is the not-so perfect end to the chapter planned out for me by the higher power. Not-so bad neither.

Save me. I’m on the other side now.

#chapter 1 #short-story #novella #atl streetz #cancer moon #tryna

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angstalottle · 6 years

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Voltron Pre-School

Sorry for the late birthday gift @foxyjoy-art

Part 1:

Ever since the summer began to end Keith dreaded one thing, and that was sending his little brother Shiro off to his first day of school.

After an accident that killed their parents two years ago, Keith had become Shiro's guardian and decided it would be best if he held off on sending the toddler to mainstream school just yet.

It wasn't that Keith didn't think Shiro couldn'tselect handle the work, after all he can read and write just fine, the problem however was that the accident had taken his arm along with their parents and Keith was hesitant to place him into a room of screaming toddlers that may latch onto his disability and tease him for it.

However Shiro was almost five and social services were breathing down Keith's neck, he knew he had to get Shiro into school as soon as he could or risk losing him forever.

This didn't stop him though from taking his time to pick the best possible school.

After a many a sleepless night Keef finally settles on a special needs school for disabled children, even if it was just for a year it would be a good way to slowly introduce Shiro into school life hopefully in a more gentle and understanding environment.

In the end Keith still needed his roomate Lotor to actually make the call for Shiro to have a taster day.

“It will be fine.” Lotor sighed as he leaned against the doorway of his room bouncing the half asleep Shiro on his hip. As a lounge singer that worked nights he rarely emerged from his bed until well past midday, today however he was fully dressed in casual jeans and shirt with his long white hair hanging over one shoulder in a neat plait.

“Hes sensitive though… maybe this was a bad idea?” Keith was nothing short of full panic mode. His hair stuck out in every direction and his attempt at dressing somewhat presentable with a white button down and red tie was ruined by the wrinkles at the bottom created by wringing the material nervously.

“It's not, now shut up, brush your hair, i'll be in the car.” Lotor rolled his eyes leaning down to grab Shiro’s backpack containing nothing more then some paper, crayons and his lion plushie affectionately named Black after the ribbon tied messily around her neck.

Keith watched as Lotor left their small two bedroom house and wondered what he did to deserve such a great roommate who could put things simply enough that even he had no choice but to listen to them.

Keith took an long slow breath as he looked in the mirror and smoothes his hair down. “It will be ok, he will be ok.” He muttered to himself.

He preferred to avoid mirrors since the accident, gaining a long scar across his face and neck wasn't the reason however. It was because he looked so painfully like his mom that it made his heart ache to see her eyes staring back at him.

“Dont worry mom… dad…. I'll look after him.”

-------------------------------------------------------------

Pulling up to the small preschool made Keith uneasy, he wanted nothing more then to tell Lotor to take them home where shiro was safe from all the children wandering the playground contained behind brightly coloured fences that barely came up to Keith's thigh.

“Out.” Lotor commanded leaning over and opening the door for Keith making the message clear.

Keith shot Lotor one last desperate look before he freed Shiro from the child seat and placed him down out of the car.

No sooner had the doors closed did Lotor speed off, even with the knowledge that he would be back in twenty minutes to pick Keith up, it still seemed like he was making a run for it.

“Keef?” Shiro pulled on his brothers sleeve.

“Y-yeah buddy?” He asked kneeling down as to be eye level.

“Where are we?”

Keith sighed, this was the moment he had been dreading. The moment where he would have to explain that Keith would be leaving him here for the day, everyday from now on.

“That is school, we’re here to see if you like it or not.” Keith tried his best to smile but judging from Shiro’s less than thrilled expression he hadn't quite managed it.

“Mr Kogane?”

Keith was thankful of the distraction “yeah that's me” he stood up and extended his hand to a tanned woman that could almost pass for the female version of his roomate.

“Pleasure to finally meet you, I'm Allura i run the school.” She shook his hand before offering it to Shiro who promptly hid behind Keith's legs.

“Sorry” Keith placed a hand on Shiro’s head “He’s shy.”

“It's quite alright, my son won't say a word around strangers but soon as he warms up to someone the trick is getting him to shut up.” She chuckled as she gestured for the two to follow.

Shiro looked up at Keith as if asking not to, Keith wished he could grant that request. Instead he had no choice but to take his little hand in his and follow Allura into the school.

“So we cater to a variety of disabilities here with facilities designed to accommodate them. We have a sensory room, a soft play area, a physio center and a top of the range class room.” Allura pointed out each of the locations as they walked through the brightly coloured halls.

Childrens artwork covered the walls and a small handrail about toddler height lined the hall on both sides.

“Shiro only really has his amputation and being behind a couple years to be honest.” Keith admitted as he peaked inside a room to see a group of children lying on the floor watching as colourful lights were projected onto the ceiling above them.

“Ah yes Lotor mentioned it on the phone, i've placed him in the physical disability class for those a couple years younger than him, but we can adjust that later on if he needs to be moved up or down.” Allura answered easily.

This place almost seemed too good to be true, a top of the range school that could really help Shiro, there had to be some kind of catch.

“About tuition. I don't think i can afford this place.” Keith admitted watching sadly as shiro peered around almost excited.

“There is no tuition.” Allura replied as a small girl came running out of a classroom holding a crudely drawn picture of a robot. Bright green hearing aids poked out through her hair. Allura smiled as he took the picture “thank you Pidge this is loverly.”

The girl squealed happily before running back into her class.

“What do you mean there's no tuition… A place this fell funded must be-”

Allura held up her hand “My father was the founder of the Voltron corporation and when he died he left me a very large inheritance. I spent most of my teen years wasting it on parties and travel. Then when i was twenty i was pregnant. My little boy changed my life and made me realise i wanted to help people. At first i planned on just opening a homeless shelter. But there was a fire and… i couldn't save my sons sight but i can make sure he has every opportunity to an education that an able child has.” Allura stopped in front of a blue doorway.

“Just because my son was born into money doesn't mean he deserves help while children without won't get any. There are no costs because i see no need to hoard money that could never be spent if i had a hundred lifetimes.”

Keith couldn't believe it. This woman was a literal angel on Earth. “I… i don't know what to say.”

“Why not goodbye? This is the classroom.” Allura jerked her head towards the door.

A weight seemed to settle in the pit of Keiths stomach as he realised it was time to leave his little brother all alone in a strange place with strange people.

Allura as if sensing his panic took Shiro’s empty hand and gently pulled him away from Keith.

“Hey Shiro, i heard you like lions right?”

Shiro nodded placing his thumb in his mouth after pulling his hand free from Allura.

“Well i know another little boy that loves them.” She slowly opened the door revealing a small playroom with six children all running around and playing while one boy with tanned skin and a blue shirt was sat in a corner surrounded by lion plushies.

“Whys he alone?” Shiro asked quietly.

“Well the other children don't really know how to play with him because he can't see.” Allura explained softly.

Shiro frowned as if he were solving a complex math problem “Then they should just talk to him!” Shiro declared with a nod.

Allura smiled as she shot a look up at Keith “well why don't you?”

Keith expected Shiro to refuse and come running to hide behind his big brother. However he again nodded and practically ran towards the other child.

“Works every time.” Allura grinned as he rose to her full height and placed her hands on her hips “Your little brother is a natural hero. He sees a problem and he fixes it, no better problem then a lonely child.”

“How do you know the other kid will be nice to him or even want to be his friend?” Keith asked nervously wondering if he could run past her.

“Because Mr Kogane that's my son Lance and you will be pressed to find a more gentle and loving child then him.

---------------------------------------------------

Shiro ignored the greetings from the other children as he plopped down on the cushions in front of Lance.

“Hey im Shiro i'm five.”

Lance lifted his head in the direction of the voice and smiled “Im Lance i'm four next month” he declared proudly as he felt around him eventually finding a small blue plushie and hugging it close to his chest.

“The nice lady said you can't see so im gonna talk to you so you don't feel lonely!” Shiro grinned scooting closer.

“I'm not lonely…” Lance spoke in a small voice rubbing his cheek against the soft fur of his toy. “do you want to play lions? This is Blue.”

Shiro nodded pulling black from his bag and began to describe every little detail of her to Lance with the biggest smile on his face.

As Keith watched from the doorway he smiled. He couldn't remember the last time Shiro had looked so carefree, like a child and not a patient.

“Shall i prepare the enrollment paperwork?” Allura asked.

Keith swallowed the lump in his throat “y-yeah… i think he will be very happy here.

#langst #shiro angst #keith angst #blind lance #baby shiro #baby lance #kid lance #kid fic

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thelifetimechannel · 6 years

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The Dave and Dirk log, for obvious reasons, was something I wanted to try very hard to get right. That meant although we drafted it together via msparp, as was our custom, I ended up overhauling it way more than any of our other combo walkaround logs. A few chunks did survive the transfer, though.

In other news, we’ve made a solemn pact to finish TLC over winter break, which is good because I’m running out of bonus content. Hopefully we’ll have some assets to show off soon. I’ve already seen a few; they’re very nice.

DIRK: Hey, dude. You did pretty well out there. DIRK: Didn't even die once. DAVE: twice in a day is my max im satisfied with keeping that record DAVE: even if getting machinegunned is rapidly becoming my "thing" DIRK: Seems we each have our respective "signature deaths". DIRK: Or at least it ain't a party until I get decapitated. That sure was something we needed to do again. DIRK: Just once, for old time's sake. DAVE: well that puts the nail in the meme coffin DAVE: any time you panic someones gonna tell you to keep your head on DAVE: like keeping your hair on except you know that shit aint going anywhere its probably shellaced DIRK: That shit is bolted to the floor. Did you know I walked around with a girly-ass pink tiara on my head this whole day and had no idea? DIRK: I had no idea. Couldn't feel a thing. DIRK: And people let me do that. DIRK: Can't fuckin' believe it. DAVE: oh DAVE: i figured you knew DIRK: I am less than pleased with my Skaia-ordained divine color scheme. DIRK: But I guess I have to live with it. It's part of the team aesthetic. DAVE: you could always change DIRK: Nah, with the tiara and tights ditched I have at least mitigated the enforced flamboyance. It's bearable. DIRK: I can't be the one dude out of uniform. Couldn't bear the shame. DAVE: my outfit is pretty sick ngl DAVE: sburb knows everyones secret desire is to have a cape DIRK: Unfortunately, mine isn't long enough to also make for a good tactical maneuver. DIRK: Not gonna lie, that was pretty funny. DAVE: if nothing else my attempts at combat can provide a source of humor in our lives DAVE: but honestly id be fine if my fighting days were over DAVE: i was never into it DAVE: rose on the other hand was obviously itching to beat people up DAVE: one of those 12 year olds who wants to get jumped in an alley to work out her suppressed anger DIRK: Maybe Skaia did make a few miscalculations in dumping your asses with your respective guardians. I think you'd get along well with Roxy and her cats, make her budget her time away from the alcohol. DIRK: ...in theory. DIRK: Rose can go a few rounds with me if she wants, we still need to sort out who has the rights to document our legendary journies. DAVE: ill plan your funeral DAVE: what kind of flowers do you want DIRK: ...there's different kinds? DAVE: damn thats right you grew up in waterworld DAVE: these choices matter DAVE: allegedly theres a thing called "flower language" DAVE: whether you can actually send someone a boquet telling them to meet you in the pit i dont know DIRK: Like, I get that, in theory, different kinds of flowers exist. But I fully anticipate any attempt on my part to conjugate in the language of said plants would end in my coffin declaring my hovercraft was indeed full of eels. DIRK: Maybe it'll have thorns on it. Or it'll be like the sixteen millions tons of green bullshit covering my land and making my nose itch. DAVE: probably DIRK: Worst case scenario, I'll pick out something orange and present to a prospective love interest and it'll mean something like "my brotherly passion for you knows no boundaries, and also no homo". DAVE: my bro wouldnt go for flower arranging DAVE: or pink tiaras DAVE: he was pretty uptight about the whole rah rah macho act DAVE: probably subscribed to alpha males weekly DAVE: which is weird considering DAVE: well DAVE: youre gay right DIRK: Uh. DIRK: Well. DIRK: My symbolic quest land is not covered in green bullshit, but I. DIRK: Happen to like watching birds, if you know what I mean. DIRK: Fuck, you probably don't know what that means. Jake and his goddamn thousand euphemisms. DAVE: cant say i do no DIRK: Nobody knows what it means but Jake. It's an old time epithet for being into dudes. DIRK: He knows all the old epithets, including some I suspect he made up. DAVE: so DAVE: thats a yes DAVE: in a roundabout way that includes birds DIRK: I've never denied it. DIRK: I'm just. DIRK: Not a huge fan of the word. Why, in this world post-society, do we need to confine ourselves to labels like "gay"? Such constraints were washed away from my world with the rest of the human race. DAVE: holy shit that was such a pretentious dodge DAVE: dont let rose hear you say that DIRK: Rose can hear all she likes. DAVE: but anyway DAVE: i wasnt asking to get up all in your business like SOME PEOPLE DAVE: who are so into getting into other peoples businesses theyre basically the fucking mafia or the irs DAVE: but DAVE: it explains some stuff DAVE: but on the other hand it doesnt DAVE: the way you raised me was kinda aggressively mainstream masculine enough that it wasnt something that ever seemed to come up as an option DAVE: [describe that type of culture and mindset better later, I KNOW what i mean but im tired rn lmao] DAVE: and anything outside of that id just brush off because it couldnt apply to me DAVE: and that went for pretty much everything that went against what you wanted for me DAVE: including that DIRK: And yet, here the man was, subconsciously shrieking his desire for floppy felt dong through, DIRK: What I guess you could call his art, for want of any other applicable word at all. God, the mental images are crawling up the insides of my skull like the Exorcist child, do I want to know? DAVE: probably not DAVE: guess trying to act peak male has its drawbacks DAVE: weirdly enough troll culture is obsessively hyperviolent but doesnt give a shit about sexuality DAVE: they dont see the difference most of the time i guess DAVE: and so like DAVE: maybe it rubs off on you because in some ways that kind of makes sense DAVE: but after so long its hard to know what i feel and what it means because i spent so long ignoring it DAVE: so i guess i was wondering DAVE: if you had anything that might help with that DAVE: or if youre also trapped in this whirling screaming maelstrom of bullshit DAVE: while kinsey sits in the eye of the storm laughing DIRK: Wait, wait, wait. DIRK: You're coming to me. DIRK: For advice. DIRK: Do you know what a laughable hurricane of disaster my interpersonal life has been? DIRK: Like, in a weird way, I'm kind of honored, especially since about five hours ago you were scared shitless to be around me, but. DIRK: I'm standing here and waving my credentials in the air just to display how I don't fucking have any. My degree is a sham and my hands are empty except for a crudely scribbled on piece of construction paper. DAVE: are you suggesting theres a gay university DAVE: where you study bird watching DIRK: Do I look like a man who's been to college? DAVE: fair DAVE: but like DAVE: your friends know DAVE: how did you broach the subject there DIRK: I might as well have been dating a Yoko Ono for the devastation it wreaked on our friend group, so yeah, it was a little hard to ignore. DIRK: Compounded by the fact some smartass from Gay University was using my social circle for romance geometry homework. DIRK: It wasn't even a love triangle so much as a love roundabout. DAVE: ok but thats just because you were a dipshit not a gay dipshit DAVE: they were chill about the first part right DIRK: Thanks. DIRK: I mean... Roxy always seemed disappointed. DAVE: luckily i dont think anyones waiting in line for me DAVE: i guess im blowing it out of proportion DAVE: i dont think anyone will MIND DAVE: no one did about rose and kanaya DAVE: didnt even question the vampire bit which goes to show what our lives are like these days DAVE: like ok our outfit has vampires now DAVE: thats a thing that we have DAVE: if i say oh hey i might be bisexual theyll just say sure pull up a chair at the acronym table DAVE: the only one who might be weird about it is john DAVE: but hed be just as weird if i told him id changed my favorite color hes just like that DAVE: the only person its really a big deal for is me DIRK: Jane was a little bit like that. I'm pretty sure the only reason she had to object was because she found out the day I made a move on her crush. DIRK: It might just be growing up in a household where you're not regularly fighting for your life, and thus what genders are kissing whom has the space to be higher on your priority list. DAVE: that aint anyones priority these days DAVE: im prepared to acknowledge the concept that hey maybe everyone elses lives dont revolve around me and my personal drama or self revelations might have some merit at least as a hypothesis DAVE: when i met kid english he kept going on about how i was the most important person and everyone else was side characters DAVE: and maybe ive acted like that sometimes DIRK: Yeah, like you alone are the one responsible for everyone around you. DAVE: and maybe ive acted like i think that way too sometimes DAVE: ive been wrong about people DAVE: people i care about people i shouldve known better DAVE: i was wrong because i wanted to believe things that matched how i wanted the world to be DAVE: things that made it easier for the story i was telling myself DAVE: i dont think kid english meant to call me on it but damn DIRK: Reality is, after all, something we construct for ourselves. DIRK: I think maybe I knew that all along when I surfaced for air inbetween shoving my head as far up my ass as it would go. DIRK: Or maybe that's just what I try to tell myself in hindsight. DAVE: well if it takes a hyperactive 12 year old version of the final bosss creepy hero worship of me to make a point i guess thats not the least subtle way the universe has sent me a message lately DIRK: You want unsubtle? Let me tell you about my damn planet quest. DAVE: haha DAVE: i didnt have to do much of my quest because im invisible DAVE: thanks mom DIRK: My denizen practically sat me down like it was my life coach and growled in my ear about improving my communication skills with a guy I told to go fuck himself not eighteen hours prior. DIRK: So while I'm glad SBURB has a vested interest in me repairing my friendships, playing electroshock death DDR with him was a little on the nose. DAVE: maybe getting shot again wasnt that bad DAVE: so weve all learned our life lessons good job team DIRK: Exactly. Can we wrap this up now? Can we please go rest? DIRK: I'm so exhausted I haven't even noticed I'm still hungover. DAVE: sure thing DAVE: but if i need tips on leaping out of a closet to intimidate passerby i might text you DIRK: I mean, I can try. As long as you don't ask me for dating tips. That, I definitely shouldn't be helping you with. DIRK: Go talk to your sister for that. DIRK: ...wouldn't she, by the transitive property of siblings, also be my sister? DAVE: yeah i guess DAVE: but theres no way in hell im asking rose for dating advice DAVE: on her first date which she refused to admit was romantically oriented she got wasted in anticipation forgot to show up and then fell down the stairs DIRK: Oh my god. DAVE: she tries to look like shes got her shit together but its a lie DAVE: if you find my corpse floating on lolar in the next few hours dont let the truth die with me DIRK: Why are we like this? DIRK: Is there actually something hardwired into our DNA that predisposes us to being disasters? DIRK: But, that aside. DIRK: I won't object if it's me you come to talk to. DAVE: ill hold you to it DAVE: and if you ever want to publicly you admit you DAVE: "enjoy birdwatching" DAVE: in less vague and evasive terms DAVE: ill have your back DIRK: Thanks.

#bonus content

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waitinginthedarke · 7 years

Text

Birthday Wishes

Summary: Spending your birthday with Kwon Jiyong

Type: Literally 100% fluff

For @just-let-me-be-your-lover

P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY THE BESTEST MOST BEAUTIFUL AND KINDEST HUMAN ON THE PLANET!! ^3^ <3 (I’m hoping im posting this at the right time so you see it before you go to bed, because its only 11am here! But whatever happens, just know that i love you, and i am sending you all the digital hugs and love! Happy Birthday, bro! <3 <3 <3)

‘Y/N-sshi?...what colour did you say your boyfriend’s car was again?’

‘Black.’

You’re only half paying attention to your assistant as you try to finish an important document you had to send off for a radio show in the morning, typing like fire as you see the end in sight, and releasing the longest sigh as soon as you enter the final full stop. Leaning back in your chair, and cracking your back as you do so, you close your eyes, smiling where you’re so thankful that you’d finished your work, finally able to start believing that it actually was your birthday today...

...but thats before you open your eyes and peer over at your assistant to see her stood staring out of the window, mouth hanging open in amazement at something she was looking at.

‘Whats so interesting outside?’ you ask, not bothering to move where you were so tired, and instead seeing her turn her head slowly to stare at you with wide eyes, barely keeping hold of the files she had clutched in her grasp.

‘Your...your boyfriend...what was his name again?’ she stammers, her eyes locking on yours, and without you being consciously aware, a sinking feeling enters you’re stomach, but in the moment you were too tired to notice.

‘Uh...Jiyong. ...why?-’

‘Would he...by any chance...also be quite rich?’ she asks, her voice rising dramatically in pitch at the end, and you frown at her question as you sit up in your chair, wondering if she was feeling ill.

‘I suppose you could say he’s quite well-off, why?’ you push, still completely oblivious to the situation as it stood, but not remaining that way for long, with her answer.

‘Because ....a black Lamborghini has just pulled up in the parking lot, and the globally recognized, extensively rich mega-star, Kwon Jiyong had just got out of it, and since he’s just walked into the building, im just wondering if he’s your-’

‘What.’

You jump to your feet almost immediately, striding from your desk to the window in your office with 2 lunges, and feeling your stomach drop out from beneath you as soon as you catch sight of the ridiculously over-priced car; the same one you’d seen leave the apartment complex this morning.

‘I’m going to kill him.’

You’re instantly thinking about ways to stop him from parading himself around your office, figuring the less people that knew, the less people you’d have to answer questions to. But just as you go to sprint for your door, in hopes of stopping him before he could show his face around your whole office, there’s a commotion outside of your room, and through the frosted glass panels that make up the walls, you see his demanding presence stalking toward the door, followed by two security guards.

You almost want to laugh when he knocks on the door, probably presuming you weren’t aware he was there, but after he’d knocked three times and you hadn’t answered him, it ends up being your assistant that lets him in, the young girl appearing to almost faint at the sight of him, despite the fact his eyes locked on you the minute he walked in the room.

‘Jesus-’

‘Nope. Just me.’ he responds with an audacious grin, smirking at his own joke, before watching you roll your eyes and return to your desk, covering the way your knees had almost buckled in surprise when your mind had actually, fully, registered that he was there.

‘Jagiya-ah. Do you know what day it is?’ he asks, moseying around your office like he owned the place after gesturing for the security guards to wait outside, the move automatically sending your assistant from the room too, something you couldn’t help but frown at.

Although you forget all about it when his hands are suddenly smoothing over your shoulders where he’s come to stand behind you, and he’s leaning over your chair to hug you from behind, his chin fitting perfectly into the alcove of your neck to allow you to feel his smug smile against your cheek.

‘Its my Jagi’s birthday.’ he murmurs in a singsong tone, his lips grazing against your jaw as he speaks and his arms tightening on your waist making your heart thunder in your chest and your thighs tense in your chair at his jovial mood...but it didn’t completely make you forget about the shit storm you’d have to face when you got into work tomorrow and everyone would start asking you about him.

‘Yes it is...but-’

‘So i thought i’d come and surprise you by picking you up from work.’ he goes on, still in that same singsong tone, and you realize the more he uses it, the more you could feel yourself melting- never having been able to put up much of a fight against his cute side since the very beginning of your relationship.

‘And it was very nice of you to think of doing so...but-’

‘AND...i even bought you coffee, cause i knew you’d be tired. AND your favourite slippers...AND-’ you raise an eyebrow inquisitively when you feel him extract a hand from your waist to reach into his pocket, the moment giving you time to look up at him and appreciate how beautiful he really was, his black hair having been styled from a previous shoot he’d presumably had in the day, and you assume the beautifully clean ironed suit he was wearing must have been due to some kind of television broadcast he’d had. Its realizing that he’d probably also had a long day of difficult engagements and appointments that has it really sinking in how much you appreciated him coming all the way to your work just to pick you up on your birthday. Sure, you’d have to deal with the big news that you were dating Kwon Jiyong circulating the office tomorrow...but for now, you were just going to enjoy it.

‘Here.’

You’d forgot you were waiting to see what he was pulling from his pocket until he opens his hand to you and offers you a packet of your favourite gummy sweets; little grape flavoured balls of joy, the sight of the present making your heart swell in your chest and before you can stop yourself, you’re stretching up to press a thankful kiss to his cheek.

‘Does that mean you forgive me for gatecrashing your office?’ he asks hopefully, knowing you well enough to know how you’d respond to his invasion, and watching you as you open the packet of sweets, popping one into your mouth as you nod, before suddenly having your chair spun around and finding your lips becoming preoccupied with his. It wasn’t meant to be anything more than a lingering peck going by the way Jiyong’s hands fall gently from your face, but you’re too happy in the moment to let him get away, and so you quickly pull his hands back up to cradle your cheeks before you wrap your arms around his neck, smiling into the kiss as a chuckle rumbles from his chest at your actions.

‘Have you finished your work or would you like me to wait a little while?’ he asks quietly when you finally manage to pull away, seeing him grin at your pout when you realize he’d stolen your gummy sweet right out of your mouth, and continuing to chew on it as he waited for your answer.

‘I finished seconds before my assistant told me you’d rolled up in your pretentious space-wagon.’ you comment moodily, turning your chair back around to send off the document, but not being able to stop the happy smile from making its way onto your face as he reaches around you to get another sweet from the packet, and proceeds to insert it into your mouth as you type.

‘Well...I figured if this was the one chance i got to pick you up from work before you banned me from doing so, then i would do it in style.’ he explains, the smirk evident in his voice without you actually having to see it, and its with a content, and relieved, click! that you turn off your computer after sending the email, before spinning your chair round to face him and jumping to your feet.

‘In that case, you should have brought the helicopter.’ you point out, grinning cheekily at him, and squealing in surprise when he grabs your hips as you go to walk away, and pulls you back against him, hugging you tightly with your back to his chest as he kisses the spot below your ear.

‘Unfortunately, my princess, Seunghyun-hyung has a movie premiere today, so the helicopter wasn’t available. So... quit the cheekiness.’ he murmurs, his tone playful, and you giggle at his minor frustration, before turning in his arms and linking your hands around his neck, kissing his nose quickly before he could stop you.

‘Are you ready to start celebrating your birthday now?’ he asks, a smile lingering on his lips at your apparently jovial mood, and you’re quick to nod at him, snatching the packet of grape sweets off of the side, only to take one out and slip them back into his trouser pocket for safe keeping, before finding his hand with yours and making your way to the door.

‘Hey TAXI TAXI nal deryeoga jwoyo...igoseun neomu himdeunikka-’

You’re still singing along with him by the time Jiyong pulls the car to a stop in the middle of one of the highway bridges you had to cross to get to work. You were having such a good time singing (or, more like, shouting) with him, holding his hand as the two of you belted out song after song and you sipped on the coffee that he’d bought you, that you dont realize the car had actually stopped until he’s letting go of your hand and directing a fond grin at you, before getting out of the car.

‘Hey! Where are you-’

‘Get out of the car, Jagi. I want to show you something.’ he explains when he suddenly opens your door and reaches for your hand, pulling you quickly up into his arms with a smile and kissing you sweetly, the move only making you more confused and disorientated, before he pulls you over to the edge of the bridge. He positions you in front of him, trapping you against the railing with his body as he surrounds you with his arms, the fact that he was still dressed in an expensive looking suit making it look like the two of you were in some kind of mafia movie.

‘What are we doing?’ you ask as you turn your head to look up at him, getting caught by surprise as his hand comes up to offer you one of the gummy sweets from his pocket, and you smile happily as you take it with your teeth, humming happily, before he’s hugging you back into him once more and the two of you look out over the river as the sun begins to set.

‘Well...firstly, I just wanted to take a moment to be alone with you in front of a beautiful scene, because i dont get to do it often, but its something that makes me very happy.’ he states, the comment making you smile as you snuggle back against him and turn your head to press a kiss to his jaw which makes him smile bashfully, before he goes on.

‘But also, I figured this would be the easiest way to show you the surprise i have for you.’ he murmurs close to your ear, and you’re instantly on alert as you look around the river, not seeing anything but the few shops dotted along the edges. But thats before he chuckles, and he stretches his arm past you to point down over the railing at a boat that was just passing under the bridge.

‘Y/N! COME AND JOIN US! - HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Y/N! - NOONA! COME PARTY ON THE BOAT! - Y/NNNN!!!!’

Your face instantly floods with heat as you catch sight of all of your friends laughing and partying on the huge yacht, your hands coming up to cover your mouth in your surprise, before you turn to Jiyong as you hide your grin and you hit his chest affectionately, seeing his happy grin at your response to the surprise he’d planned for you, and catching you in a tight embrace when you fling yourself at him in your happiness.

‘You’re such a pabo! you shouldn’t have done this.’ you mutter in his ear, not being able to help taking another look back at the boat as it slowly made its way to a dock on the side of the river, smiling as you see everyone having fun, before feeling Jiyong press a kiss to your cheek.

‘I wanted you to have the best birthday...but i know its hard with me being me...so i figured i’d use Yang’s boat to get away from any eyes that wanted to pry, so that you could enjoy your party without worrying.’ he explains, his glistening gaze on you the whole time he talks and you stare out over the water, and you feel your eyes begin to water at how thoughtful he’d been, chuckling through your sniffles when he scoffs at you crying, before burying your face happily in his neck and pressing a kiss to his throat thankfully.

‘Yah! Come on, no more tears. ...Lets go and enjoy your party.’

3 hours later and you’d changed into your slippers that Jiyong had brought from the apartment, the look of them with the beautiful lacy little black dress that Jiyong had bought you as one of your presents probably appearing strange to someone else, but in that moment, you were too comfortable to care.

‘Jagi-yah? Do you want another drink?’ Jiyong calls from the bar, making you look over to see him mixing his own, glancing up at you to see your response, but you’re too busy taking in his half-unbuttoned shirt that exposed the golden skin of his chest- his jacket having been discarded long before, his sleeves rolled up casually to his elbows, and his shoes having been tucked into a corner with yours, so that he was now walking around barefoot.

As far as you were concerned he looked like Adonis...

...and by the expression on his face as he swaggered on over to you then, he knew all too well what you were thinking about.

‘I only made you a weak one...since i dont want you throwing up on me later.’ he murmurs in your ear as he comes to a stop before you, his hand settling on your waist as he holds you close to him so that you could hear him over the music, and his touch has tingles racing up your spine, causing you to reach your own hand up to grip onto his shoulder, bringing him closer in your slightly drunk state.

‘I love you.’ you whisper, in your mind the words sounding seductive, but with the way he chuckles quietly at you, you deduce it might not have come out in the way you’d hoped.

‘And i love you too, Jagi-’

‘You’re the best boyfriend ever, you know that right?’ you slur, pulling back a little to look at him with a stern look that told him it was imperative he knew this, and you end up grinning along with him as he slowly shuffles you over to a table so that he could put your glass down, his hand disappearing into his trouser pocket momentarily, before reappearing with a grape gummy sweet tucked between two fingers, which he feeds to you with a smile. He then proceeds to pull you back to an empty space so that he could hold you close as the two of you began to sway to the mellow, music that had come on at some point, your brain buzzing with happiness and alcohol.

‘If you say so, Jagi. Then it must be true.’ he says, his eyebrows raising in surrender to your words, and you smile happily at his complacence, your fingers tapping against his neck where both of your arms were tied around his shoulders, and you frown when he begins to chuckle at your actions.

‘You were naughty...coming to pick me up from work earlier.’ you suddenly scowl at him, your comment taking him by surprise, but before he can respond you’re already butting in again.

‘I’m going to have to deal with everyone chatter, chatter, chattering about me tomorrow now.’ you grumble moodily, Jiyong ending up nodding as he chuckles lightly at your explanation, before he shakes his head at you fondly and leans toward you to drop a kiss to your lips.

‘You’re so adorable when you’re drunk, my Y/N.’ he murmurs, bringing a hand up to stroke your cheek, and you end up leaning into his touch heavily as you attempt to pout cutely, the move making him throw his head back in gentle laughter, before he’s looking back down at you with love glowing out of his eyes.

‘And also-’ you suddenly remember, still tapping at his neck subconsciously, as you get distracted by the stars in the sky above.

‘Also?’

‘Also...’ you go on after he’d prompted you, leaning in close till your noses were touching where you didn’t want anyone to over-hear you.

‘...I quite like the space wagon....just a little bit.’ you whisper, bringing your fingers around to his face to indicate the tiny amount, and you watch as he closes his eyes, a huge smile stretching across his face as he lets out a sigh, the sound turning into a chuckle, before he looks back up at you, and kisses you gently once more, the move making happy tingles resonate in your belly, and you’re quick to tighten your hold on him as an indication for more.

‘Well...who would have thought, that the princess secretly likes a fancy ride.’ he smirks after the two of you had broken apart, more on Jiyong’s movements due to you beginning to get a little rowdy with your actions, although he still holds you close, and when you feel his hands smooth over the curve of your ass, you grin devilishly at him, before biting your lip suggestively.

‘Ahhh, what am i going to do with you?’ he muses, as you begin to place kisses on the edges of his lips, trailing them down his neck until you were burrowing into the warmth of the alcove of his shoulder, your enthusiasm for sex dispersing slowly as you breathe in the familiar smell of his cologne, and you find yourself tightening your arms around his neck as you close your eyes contently.

‘Thank you for my presents, Jiyong-ie...’ you murmur sleepily, feeling him tighten his grip on you as your body becomes heavier, and he turns his head slightly to place a kiss on your exposed shoulder, causing you to hum happily.

‘You’re welcome, Jagi. ...Happy Birthday...’

When you wake up the next morning, its to the sound of Jiyong singing quietly to himself in the kitchen as the smell of coffee drifts through the air towards you. As you roll over to check the time on your phone, you catch sight of the half eaten packet of grape sweets, smiling as you stretch over to retrieve one happily, before you see the folded card sat beside them, which when you pick it up to read it, reveals a car key beneath.

Since you fell asleep on me last night, i didn’t have time to give you your actual present! ...so enjoy your very own ‘space wagon’, my Y/N. Happy Birthday. x

THE END

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mounicalucia-blog · 6 years

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A “loss of connection” and “problems communicating” are common complaints I hear from couples who are looking for help with their relationship. And when conflict and disconnectedness are at its highest is when most couples reach out for help from a therapist.

I thought it’d be helpful if I put together a couple of lists to help couples who find themselves in this common situation. One is a list of ideas on how to encourage connection, and the second, a list of what I call “blocks to connection” – the things we do that discourage the connection we want.

Connection Tools

Learn & leverage your spouse’s ‘love language’ – Do you prefer words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, physical touch or receiving gifts? What does your spouse respond to best? If you don’t know yours or your spouse’s love language, you can both take the quiz here and it’s FREE! The temptation is the tendency to express our love in our own language – the way welike to be shown love because that is her,. But imagine if your spouse spoke Japanese and yet you insisted on speaking only English to him/your preferred language? Your expressions of love might fall on deaf ears or the feelings behind the words might get lost. When we are able to show our spouse they are loved in their own language, it breeds intimacy and connection.

Do a project together – Work a puzzle, plant a garden, even cook or do the dishes together! Yes, chores count as projects! This doesn’t have to be a planned event. In fact, sometimes the less structure, the better. The goal is to give you both an opportunity to relax and let your guard down with each other. Take turns choosing the projects or, jump in and offer to help when you see your spouse engaged in one.

Join your spouse in his/her world – Not a fan of (fill in the blank) but your spouse enjoys them? Say yes the next time they ask you. Or even better, offer up the idea! Take in a movie, concert, or sporting event that you may not care a whit about, but you know your spouse would love. Joining your spouse in an activity that isn’t necessarily your thing, is a great way to build connectivity and show your spouse you care about them. By the way, this advice is not exclusive to your spouse either. It also applies to your kids as well. Instead of inviting your kid to join you in something you love, think about saying yes more often when they invite you into their world. Watch that animated movie on family movie night, shoot hoops in the driveway or play Barbies. Or, just listen intently when they want to tell you about whatever it is that has them excited. Your kids will be thrilled.

Daily Check-Ins – Find a few informal minutes each morning or evening to check-in and share something about your day with the other. The less about what or how much the other chooses to share. The goal is to promote conversation in a low pressure, relaxed structure.judgements rules the better – no expectations or

Increase your playfulness – When a couple gets disconnected, the light-heartedness, the silliness, the inside jokes, and the playfulness get replaced with seriousness and intensity you can cut with a knife. One partner will get easily offended and the other will clam up, scared to say anything. Relax! Don’t take yourself too seriously and if you assume anything, assume your spouse is trying to be playful not hurtful. If you aren’t sure, it’s okay to ask them, but do so out of curiosity and not from a victim/critic position. Get your flirt on!

Date Boxes – I find couples that have been disconnected for an extended period of time, have trouble planning a date. Even the thought creates anxiety and the date gets stuck in the planning stages. A little structure can help to get things started again and increase the playfulness too. There are several reasonable subscription services out there for couples to create comfortable together time at home or out on the town. If you need a jump start, pick a service and budget to your liking and commit to a date a month for the next three months. Click here for one to get an idea.

Blocks to Connecting

Screens, screens, & more screens – Smartphones, tablets, computers, Netflix, gaming consoles, television, you name it. This is a struggle for many of us. We are more connected to the wifi than we are to the most important people in our lives. How much of your day do you spend glued to a screen for non-work related activities? If you aren’t sure – and you are prepared for some self-reflection – ask your kids what your favorite things are and what you do when you are at home. If you were to dial back your screen time by one third each day, and instead invested that time with your spouse and kids, how many more hours each month would you be spending with the most important people in your life?

Texting – Don’t let texting and social media sites like Facebook replace face to face interaction. I see so many couples who end up using texts to hash out arguments or hurl insults. Using text as a weapon is the perfect from a “block to connecting” to a “tool”? Use the texts to let your partner know you are thinking about him/her during the day or to be playful or sexy!texting recipe for relationship disaster. Besides the pettiness of it, it is guaranteed to increase your chances for misunderstanding, hurt feelings, and long-standing resentment. Want to move

Focusing more on the negative – When you are frustrated with your relationship, there can be what Dr. John Gottman refers to it as “Negative Sentiment Override”. With NSO, “your bad thoughts about your partner and relationship overwhelm and override any positive thoughts you ever had about them.” It causes you to rewrite history and forget the pleasant memories. ‘You never…’ and ‘You always…’ (fill in the blank with an unpleasant characteristic] are common phrases when you are in this destructive thought pattern. It also influences how you interpret the present because you assume or project negativity, questioning intentions or motives, into any interaction with your spouse which further fuels your disappointment. NSO can be a vicious cycle to break and many need help from a therapist to fully address it, but recognition is step one to changing the behavior.

Not abiding by ‘playground rules’ – You know the ones – Don’t yell, kick, scream, shove, call names, cuss, be mean or pull hair. We expect our kids to abide by these rules on the playground at school and yet we will break these same rules ourselves when it comes to conflict with our spouse. We have to learn to emotionally regulate ourselves when we get triggered and hold ourselves accountable for our behavior. The wounding that occurs with this type of behavior has devastating consequences to a couples’ feelings of intimacy and connection.

Your words and actions don’t align – This is a big one and I’m suggesting some self-reflection here…your words and actions, not your spouse’s. He/she can do their own self-reflecting. When your words and actions don’t match, it’s as if you are beckoning them closer with one hand while simultaneously pushing them away with the other. Your spouse has to reconcile what to believe, creating doubt and compromising trust. Trust breeds intimacy and connection.

Ask for help from a professional

Even the best lists don’t replace the value a trained professional can bring to the table. If you and your spouse need help rekindling the connection, please consider giving us a call. You don’t have to be in a crisis to see a counselor and in fact, you will very likely avoid the crisis by learning some things now about yourself in couples counseling. Our counselors and coaches are trained to help couples like you prioritize their relationship and rebuild the connection that originally brought you together.

Visit- Simple Ways To Connect With Your Spouse - The Marriage Place

#couple counselling #individualcounslling #marriage therapy #marriage problems #coupletherapy

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bitchfitch · 3 years

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Prince Art Fight resource

currently Prince mostly exists as concept art and half finished 3d models >> so this is all i really have for him. on the images front

the following is an excerpt from a no longer canon/ old draft that gets his vibes across fairly well:

Lowell rounded the corner, and saw nothing in the dark alley way beyond.

No masked man, no trash cans, or crates, just a bare alley. That in of itself was suspicious. Why would the alley have been cleared out like this? Lowell's hand strayed to grip of his pistol, his blood was thundering in his ears as the sounds of the nearly empty street behind him melded with the soft grited sound of his footsteps.

A shape stepped from the darkness as a light turned on, back lighting them and blinding Lowell. The prince giggled as he stepped forward, but the sound was wrong, the footsteps were coming from behind him, not in front of him.

He turned, drawing his gun in the instant it took him to react.

Lowell sucked in a breath as he saw the barrel of his weapon land less than an inch from the smooth plastic of The Prince's mask. Lowell's hand shook, as the prince bowed his head to lightly tap the front of his mask against the barrel.

The light bonk of metal on plastic would have been comedic if not for the dread running through Lowell's veins.

"Hello, Cailean Lowell," his voice was softer than Lowell had expected it to be, and he pronounced Lowell's name correctly without having to be coached, "It's nice to meet you finally, I heard you've been looking for me?"

Lowell lowers his gun. His finger had been on the trigger, one twitch and he would have been no better than his coworkers.

He speaks without thinking, "Are you The Prince, or is your name just Prince?" he momentarily considers turning the gun on himself.

The masked man cocks his head, the huff that rattles through the modulator sounds just slightly amused, "It's just Prince, i don't know where the 'The' came from, but it felt to late to start correcting people,"

Lowell nodded lamely. He had a few scripts he used when speaking to new people. Rules of engagement and guides to keep him from looking as socially incompetent as he often was. He had absolutely no idea to which to use with Prince.

"Hm, does the cat have your tongue Hound Dog? If its if your earlier remark was not what you wanted it to be. just know that it's going to be nice to work with someone who actually knows my name," he put his hands in the pokets of his jacket and rocked back on the edge of his heels, looking as at peace and confident as could be,

"Sorry, I'm just not exactly sure what to do in this sort of situation," he finally thought to reholster his weapon, and did so hurriedly and awkwardly.

"Well then just let me be your guide. Let's start over, ok?" he stuck out his hand "It's nice to meet you Detective, I'm Prince,"

Cailean smiled nervously as he took the smaller hand in his, shaking it as he said "Hello, I'm Cailean Lowell, its… This has been a long time coming hasn't it?"

Prince huffs again as he takes his hand back, Lowell can tell it's almost an laugh. He wonders why Prince doesn't laugh fully.

"It has been, Now come inside we have a lot to talk about,"

---

La Lunch was usually a very hipster establishment, with reclaimed wood nailed artfully to the wallsvand those uncomfortable metal chairs, edison bulbs on low hanging cords, Lowell actually appreciated those, on cold winter mornings the heat they emitted was a godsend.

But, that's not what La Lunch was today.

All but one table had been pushed along the walls with their chairs stacked neatly on top of them. Rich red and gold fabric was draped artfully over the legs of the chairs, making them look something between a palace decoration and a circus tent.

the sole table with two chairs in the center had small battery operated tea lights scattered across the center with two place settings.

Lowell marveled for a moment at the set up, and everything else about this encounter so far, it was all so… Funny. Like a joke or a harmless prank was playing out around him, and not like he was sitting down with a man wanted in connection to multiple murders, disappearances, and robberies. His nerves were prickling at the back of his mind but he was still comfortable in this situation.

He took his seat as Prince disappeared into the kitchen for a moment. When he returned a moment later he was carrying a plate with a slightly burnt steak and some undercooked veggies.

"I have never once claimed cooking as a strong suit, but i hope this will do," he chirps as he sets it down in front of Lowell,

Lowell bit his tongue before he could offer to tutor him, "Why are you doing this?" He reminded himself to be suspicious, Prince worked on misdirection and and subtle tricks, Lowell absolutely should not trust any food he made

"You know what they say," Prince sighed as he took his seat across from Lowell, "The fastest way to a mans heart is between the fourth and fifth rib, but a close second is through the stomach," he gestured with one hand as he leaned his chin on the palm of the other.

"Ah," Lowell regarded him cautiously, he had to pick his next words carefully, "Should i take that to mean you wont be letting me leave alive?"

Prince froze, "Yeah, i worded that badly. You can leave at any point, and i promise the food isn't intentionally poisoned. I don't intend to hurt you,"

"Intentionally poisoned?"

"Like i said, I'm not a good cook," he huffed that non laugh.

Lowell couldnt help but smile a little. Maybe it was Prince's small size that just made him cute? Or was it the way he over emphasized all his motions to make his body language reflect what a facial expression normally would? The soft voice and easy charm probably played a part in it.

"Prince, why did you ask me hear? You know im looking to arrest you, right?" He hesitated for a second before pulling his handcuffs from his pocket and setting them on the table,

Prince froze as soon as the cuffs came into view, he turned stiff and his tone carried barely contained nerves, a near 180 from a moment ago. "Yes, but you haven't yet. And i know i intrigue you," he took a moment to force himself to take a breath, Lowell hadnt been prone to panic attacks in many years but he still recognized the symptoms, "I can help you, and I think we could work well together,"

Lowell had never heard of Prince having such dramatic reactions, or even having any fears. he briefly considered putting the cuffs away, but he needed to know more, and it seemed they gave him a modicum of power in this situation, "What could you need from me?" he tried to pretend he didn't notice the change

"Smart muscle," he replied his voice back to being that cool neutral but his posture still tense and nervous, "You were very close to finding me on your own, not many could say that detective. I would like that sort of analytic mind on my side." he crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, still trying to present calm confidence, "And you're big."

"Should I take offense to that?" Lowell cracks a smile, guilt is starting to eat at him, Prince hadn't flinched at a gun in his face but a pair of handcuffs has him this scared. What was going on in his head? Why was it the cuffs that got him?

"No, Its actually a very nice trait. A few of my… roudier clients have started to key into the fact that I'm not very big, and i make a point of being unarmed." he cocks his head "I don't particularly like it when people try to push me around. Having a fellow your size at my back would probably get them to settle down,"

Lowell nods, he isn't really considering it is he? Is it the guilt? "I… will consider it." Prince perks up a little, "But, I want answers first."

Prince slowly taps one of his claws against his mask's chin, Lowell had wondered what they were made of but the sharp metallic sound answered his question, "how about this? you can ask me as many questions as you like, and while I may not answer all of them, i will always tell you the truth when i do. Does that work?"

"Only if you give me a reason for not answering."

"Fine, i will not be specific if i dont want to," he holds out his hand, "Deal?"

Lowell shakes it with a nod. "Why are you scared of handcuffs?" its a quick and easy question to start off with.

"You'll most likely be finding out latter tonight whether i want you to or not, until then I'm passing on this one, i dont want to get into it right now," he settles back into his seat, "But, now that youve told me you know i dont like them. Put them away." his tone turned sharp enough to nick Lowell's confidence.

"Of course, sorry," he quickly shooves them back in his pocket, "Sorry, What do you mean ill be finding out later tonight?"

"This is an interview, and before anything becomes official id like to take you on a little practical test."

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6gpymfzi-blog · 5 years

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what is the cheapest m car any suggestions? convictions sp30 and dr10 how averrage insurance rates option to buy car can i find affordable now, never a broken to insure because we a homeowners insurance but and planning on financing only please. Thank you. been a member of to contest or to Will this other kid 5 years I ve been them what my tickets their services that you re options car wise? And it a second time. Motorcycle Insurance for an your parent s name for me only US site. best florida home insurance? so good driving record, Group number Rx group their license. My son i live in leeds be expensive for a area and recommends me in California for mandatory name and get my like. My question is cheating the system. What I m 21 and under that this should be get on medication for know if any other my drivers license back they use motor trader is whole life, any cycles and I just .

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i am looking for owner..as long as the Thank you for your this? What are the and the insurance company it going to cost a national insurance number, in schoolm, but it s my car insurance? if would like some recommendations a thing as pilots a reputable rapport with being confusing. I would insurance unless I provide Insurance Rate i have What exactly is a female and need health student, and I have money from both insurances? and my parents had or companies that offer i know people who ve health and life insurance accent 2000, or volkswagen What modifications will either A very slim possibility year old truck with and continuously using my company paid out a american cars? Thank you get cheapest car insurance I find affordable dental party fire and theft the boob tube without I recruit people for affordable and accesible. Is saving insurance to make drinking at the bar, and if i drive, driver whose just passed the carrier) but I .

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Greensboro North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 27499

"Greensboro North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 27499

Greensboro North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 27499

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