#and sometimes it makes me want to isolate cause that feeling gets so strong and intense that i want to have it proven wrong

[earth-to-ezra]

another tag vent because ugh feelings

[lilacstro]

Astro observations part 14

Well, the result of my poll clearly said for this and waiting for it to end would make no difference I know haha, so here we go with part 14 :)

people with planets in subconscious houses(4/8/12) in water signs or even having planets in all of them or at least 2 could be really emotionally receptive, and may feel overwhelming emotions, sometimes being unable to manage this tsunami and moodiness that can manifest can even cause mental troubles

Girls having an afflicted moon/mars placement, or moon or mars in harsh aspects can experience hormonal/menstrual problems some point in life

One of the best friendships happen when your moon sign matches someone's sun sign and vice versa

women with 5th house Leo/Aries/Sun/Mars could be really protective around their children

For girls who say "I always cry on my birthday" or "my birthday month is my worst" could actually have sun transition into their 8th/12th house at the time of their birthday month. I can make a post on how your birthday month could be for you, let me know if you guys want to read.

I often tell my clients and I have seen it myself, people with strong Jupiter in their chart are the ones that go through a lot of hard times, the lesson here is to maintain that unwavering faith and optimistic mindset and move forward, it is not until then that you have learnt, Jupiter starts to bless you :)

people with ruler of 4th in 10th could actually struggle with having their secrets be their secrets in life, it would just somehow come out to people, not exactly fully exposed but people would know something is up.

planets in your 4th house can in fact tell you what you may like to keep hidden, for example having NN in 4th may not really like sharing my goals or plans with people.

ok so I recently saw some celebrity's newborn's natal chart, and I saw Mars conjunct Uranus in the second, and it just speaks to me that somewhere in this life, this baby gonna want to spend money like crazily-excessively and he would rebel otherwise, this sure can turn into many more mature things with time, but that impulsivity with money seems something that he needs to look after

Mercury in Leo people are actually so unafraid lmao, they can deliver the most obviously wrong facts with full confidence and when you confront them, well you cannot actually. But they can make excellent journalists, debaters, politicians etc.

People with 6th/8th/12th house placements or any of these houses in Virgo/Libra risings should be very aware of who they are entertaining. These kinds of people are actually really giving by nature but they need to be sure that people are not blantly "expecting" them/ latching onto them just for getting what they want.

6th house- literal service, cooking, cleaning, looking after them in tough times

8th house- to change them for their good at the cost of draining yourself

12th house- to mentally elevate or spiritually enlighten someone on the right path

I think it is not very talked about and a very underrated thing but Neptune in 2nd house people can be really intuitive, things they say may come true but they would not have enough confidence to speak it out or believe it themselves is one thing. Can make really good psychic/tarot readers and even astrologers.

Venus in 12th house people may attract situations where they can unknowingly want to keep their relationship/friendships private BUT please for god's sake, talk about it to other people, since to me this translates as an isolated Venus and the chances of being manipulated run high and you probably would not even know.

People who can have their comments get a lot of likes or want to comment out of desire can have Mercury in 11th, but please note Mercury and the 11th should most likely be in fire or air signs, water and earth can rather keep their opinions to themselves.

Speaking of which if you have Mercury-Mars placement in 11th, you are very likely to be someone who fights for what they like, be unafraid of arguing or putting out your comment on internet, for example: fighting that your fav artist is right or this song is being hated on for no reason etc.

You may often find yourself contradicting between the life choices of your North Node and South Node house/Signs. For example, someone with NN in 4th and SN in 10th would want to think "ok I wanna marry young, have kids and look after my kids", OR sometimes think "no not at all I will be an unmarried childless girlboss living her life in 30s", it is likely that it is not in between OR it can be, "well how will I manage this desire to have a successful career and be a mother at the same time idk"

People with Sun/Saturn and Neptune in harsh aspects could have father struggling with substances, or maybe dogmatism or have some kind of un real ideals, may feel very hard to impress, yet you would probably still in some want to get his validation which rather seems impossible because of how out of the world and unrealistic it could be.

Wherever Juno sits in your chart can show what can change in your life most when you meet your spouse or most significant other, for example people with Juno in 11th, would change what they usually prayed or wished for, their friends and social life. Juno in 9th may become more philosophical or open to higher education. Can make another post on this one

Speaking of which, Juno can also give clues on how your future spouse could be, it is like a tarot kind of description, not everything would be accurate but some of it sure would be. For example, Juno in 11th could have spouse who works on Internet or through Internet, could have Aquarian traits of having strong, different opinions, BIG hopes and dreams, etc. Can make a post on this one again lmao

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support me on ko-fi :)

well that is it for today, send your post suggestions from above or anything else you wanna see:)

i love you all <3

[j4desblurbs]

i needed “kisses on the nose” from the prompt list with logan, like, yesterday

give me my soft man!!

LOVE’S PERFECT ACHE

yes i got the title from a hozier song

summary: logan gets mad at you, and makes it up to you.

warnings: i made this angsty but other than that, no warnings

word count: 1.3k

logan had been acting cold ever since lunch.

curt responses, no petnames, a bit more sarcasm than he would usually use for you. all of these things pointed to something that was your fault.

no matter how much you wracked your brain, you couldn’t think of anything you’d done to make him angry.

it’s not until he walks into your shared room a couple hours later that you find the answer.

“wanna tell me what that was back there?” he says, causing you to look up from your book.

“what?” your eyebrows furrow. what on earth is he talking about?

“with scott. at lunch. talking to him like that?”

you feel like you’ve missed a chapter.

“logan,” you huff out his name with a confused laugh. “what are you talking about?”

“hand on his arm like that? laughing your ass off? what’d he say that was so damn funny, hm?” logan seethes.

you think back to your interaction with scott earlier in the day. it was just like any other time the two of you have spent time together. you weren’t entirely sure what was so alarming about enjoying the company of your friend and teammate.

but then you remembered logan has a temperament, an extreme distaste of scott, and a jealous streak like nobody’s business.

“logan,” you sigh. “it wasn’t like that at all. i was just laughing at a joke he made.”

he scoffs, his tone condescending. “yeah, right.”

you bristle at that. he almost never talks down to you like this. suddenly, a pocket of anger bubbles into your chest. before you know it, you hear yourself saying:

“funny, i never acted like this while you flirted with jean.”

logan stops cold.

“i never flirted with jean.” he says, plain and simple.

you scoff. if there was anything you hated, it was being treated like you were dumb.

“don’t,” you warn. “don’t do that.”

“do what, sugar?” his tone is condescending, demeaning. it brings the beginning of tears to your eyes.

“don’t pretend like i don’t know.” you blink, trying to hold back your tears, but one falls and makes its way down your cheek.

logan falters. he hadn’t meant to make you cry.

“honey-“ he tries, but you brush him off by holding up your hand without another word.

it’s only after you make it to the first empty room you find that you allow yourself to break down. ———————————————————————————

for the rest of the day, logan isolates himself, staying in your room as the hours tick by.

he was never the best at communicating.

by all means, he was trying. he really was, but it was just so goddamn hard sometimes. he could never get the words right and often ended up causing even more damage to whatever situation he’d fucked up in the first place.

he knew you weren’t doing anything with scott, of course he did. but some part of him deep inside couldn’t help but think that he wasn’t enough for you, or someone bad for you. so, when his worst fear was even remotely realized, he lashed out in ugly ways.

logan lets out a sigh. why’d he have to fuck this up? he had never meant to make you cry. it was the last thing he’d ever want. all he’s ever wanted was to give you the love you deserve. to protect you. never to hurt you.

and he couldn’t even do that.

he gets up, putting out his cigar. it was about time he stopped wallowing in his self pity and started looking for you so he could apologize.

he does end up finding you, in a small room off the gym. logan’s heart cracks when he sees you, curled up against the corner, knees to your chest, eyes red.

what had he done?

he says your name, and his chest tightens even more when you visibly bristle at the sound of his voice. the sight’s almost enough to bring tears to his eyes.

logan strides over, kneeling next to you. his hand is warm and strong when he places it on your back, but your body still tenses when you feel his touch.

“have you been here the whole time, bub?” his voice is soft, his familiar scent of tobacco and leather and pine enveloping you and making you almost give in and bury yourself in his arms.

almost.

you give him an almost imperceptible nod of your head, not wanting to speak just yet.

really, you didn’t trust yourself to not burst into tears the second you tried.

he sighs, shifting his position so that he’s in front of you. his hand gently pulls your chin up to make you look at him, his thumb wiping away the tear tracks down your face.

seeing how red your eyes are makes his heart do a slow twist in his chest. he had done this to you. and he wasn’t sure he knew how to fix it.

“i’m sorry.” his voice is quiet, gravelly. “i didn’t mean any of it, honey.”

you finally force yourself to meet his eyes, blinking slowly. he was lying. you knew it, could feel it.

logan rarely said anything he didn’t truly mean.

“i know you did. i know you meant it.” you say, the weak, broken tone of your voice hurting him even more.

“i want to explain. believe me. but i just can’t put what i’m feeling…..together. into words.” logan looks down, his mind racing. he was never good at expressing his feelings, and he was most certainly going to fuck it up if he did it without thinking it out.

“maybe you could try.” your voice, low and cracking slightly from lack of use, breaks him out of his thoughts.

he lets out a soft breath, unsure of how to explain himself. he owes it to you to try. to have what might possibly be the world’s most uncomfortable conversation if it meant that you didn’t loathe him like you did right now. for everything you do for him, it’s the very least he can do for you.

“you mean a lot to me, darlin. a lot more than it might seem. so when i see you talking to another man, happy with another man,” he trails off, a lump forming in his throat. “it hurts me. because every day i doubt that i’m the right one for you. every day i’m terrified that you’ll get tired of me, of us, and leave.”

as he talks, you slowly start to open up, pulling your knees away from your chest and wiping the remnants of your tears away from your face. your hands find his face, cupping his cheeks as you get onto your knees to reach him.

“logan.” your tone is firm. “why didn’t you tell me this sooner?”

seeing the man you love, normally so tough and headstrong, almost curl into himself is a strange sight to stomach. logan seems small like this, not because of the way he’s crouched in front of you, but because of the palpability of his fear.

he clears his throat before he speaks, his voice soft. “i didn’t know how to say it.”

his hands come to rest on your waist, pulling you against him into a hug. he rests his chin on the crown of your head, one palm sliding up to rest on your back.

as you reciprocate the hug, you feel the tension melt away from his body, his arms tightening slightly around you as the thought clicks in his head: you still wanted him.

“i’m sorry, baby.” logan whispers into your hair. “i’m so sorry.” he pulls you away from him a little, kissing your forehead, then your cheeks, and finally your nose, resting his forehead against yours afterward.

you close the gap, pressing your lips to his, tasting faintly of tobacco and coffee. he kisses you back with equal gentleness. it’s a sweet, soft kiss that you both melt into.

you relish in the fact that you’ll have many more kisses just like these.

[celestialtarot11]

Astrology Observations 🧎‍♂️‼️

Hi friends! Today we’re just doing a general post for the astrological signs 🤭✨ Please enjoy and share! Your feedback is always appreciated.

Earth sign energy is heavy and dark, not negative, but they are very connected to their roots, ancestors and past lives. They carry lots of baggage from the past to heal in this lifetime, and thus may feel they lived through many timelines and cycles. They can feel similarly to Scorpio that experienced tons of transformations.

Libra moons can be indecisive in relationships, not because they have a bad sign placement but because they care a lot about people’s feelings. Sometimes too much to their detriment. They’d rather keep the peace than to rock the boat, but that’s what causes tension. Libra moons just need more confidence and security in their choices, and focus on themselves 🧘

Cancer Venus from a young age experienced misunderstandings from the people around them. Cancer venus wants a close community and people who understand their emotions, but in an emotionally unavailable society they can feel neglected and lonely. Its why cancer venus develops walls to protect their heart. They still care, but it takes them a long time to open up.

Virgos remember little details of everyone and hope they can do the same for them. They essentially give what they need and Virgos need attention and someone who creates quality time.

Gemini venus crave communication and mental stimulation in their connections. They love to learn and interact with people. Gemini Venus can also experience lots of isolation or periods of alone time because they aren’t finding the right people to connect to. They’d rather be alone than to have surface level interaction and filler conversations.

Leo + Aquarius pairing in a chart can indicate the native is truly unique and unforgettable. They strive so much to be themselves that it inspires others to do so. Some may even idolize the native, and others can get jealous because the native has qualities they wish they had. The native basically inspires others to get a personality 💅🏻

Mercury 8h can be so funny. We can get picky about what personal info to leave in the outside world. Even the idea of leaving behind our birthday info can irk us 😭 why? I think being in the spotlight or being perceived can be difficult for us.

Adding onto that, mercury 8h can channel spirits, occult knowledge, spirit guides, etc. when they tap in, they TAP in. They did not come to play 😍 All they need is a good meditation sesh and they’re good to go 🧘 all powered up.

Jupiter 8h can go through so many endings and terrible situations and still somehow come out stronger and better. They take their healing and growth seriously, and I think Jupiter 8h people have big hearts, so they always reconnect with that energy which is what carries them 😤

Cancer + Leo in a chart makes someone mystical, ethereal, private, yet somehow well known. There will always be an aspect to these natives to hide to protect themselves, and yet their Leo side will try to guide them out their comfort zone.

Aries rising females always knew who they were since birth 🤭 they could’ve photographed a lot, dressed up a lot, and it’s iconic. Since birth they knew! Aries rising females can be human rights activists too, because they have strong opinions, perspectives and believe in empowerment. Aries rising females may also be into modeling, because since a young age they were surrounded by cameras and people who thought they were beautiful ❤️

Aquarius rising children always look upset in their pictures or they have that thousand mild yard stare 😭 help #me

Sagittarius rising children always had that mischievous look on their face in every picture, or they looked incredibly angry. They had no issue letting their true selves out 😤

Pisces women tend to move far from their home town or childhood home. Lots of them have dreams of living far away from their roots. I think its to discover who they are and rebuild themselves after going through a lot. They physically need to disconnect from toxic environments to heal.

Gemini sun women are like teachers in many ways. Especially when they’ve healed a lot. They can be a teacher to the siblings around them or people. Many turn out to be motivational speakers because they have so much wisdom to share.

Thank ya’ll so much for reading 💗☮️ feel free to like comment and reblog to support the blog 🧘✨ Have a great one!

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[a-random-weeb]

Hello! Can I request yandere chuuya with a fem reader he accidentally broke and now he’s trying so hard to un break her by letting her go outside and go shopping but little does he know she’s Been normal the whole time and it was all just an act so she tries escaping by chuuya catches her?

omg yes I love this idea. Tysm for the oneshot prompt btw!

Ok, this is kind of cringe but I had a lot of fun writing so fuck it

I hope you like it as much as I do

Warnings: Yandere, physical abuse, mentions of isolation, slight nsfw mention. I wanted to make it fluffy at the end, so you can read the end if you want or settle for when he beats you. let me know if I missed anything

Disclaimer: this fic is not romantisising Yandere behavior, it is fanfiction. If any of this is happening in real life, seek help, it's not romantic even if it's great in fanfiction.

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He didn't mean for this. He didn't mean for the punishment to go THAT far, and he certainly didn't mean to break you. Yet here you were, after all that screaming and crying you held an emotionless look on you're face, and he hated it.

He drags you outside, normally you're not allowed out of your room unless he's by your side, then you can wander the house, but you haven't been outside the penthouse for the last year! You were excited, but you had to maintain the façode of being broken.

When Chuuya sees that nothing has changed about the look on your face a wave of sadness washes over him. He missed how cheerful you used to be, how you would giggle over every dumb thing he did, how you were always so positive. Sure, sometimes his punishments were a little harsh, but you had a lot of fun together too! He racks his brain for anything he could do to get you back to your old self, then he comes up with what he hopes to be a good idea. He should take you shopping, girls like shopping don't they? Well he'll have to hope.

You both arrive at the mall, a fun place to spend your life savings. Lucky for you, Chuuya was rich, so you could spend as much as you wanted! The relief in Chuuyas eyes at the slight excitement in yours was adorable. Though, that excitement is gone as quick as it came, leaving him disappointed.

You almost slipped up! You were too excited at the thought of running around shopping you almost let your gaurd down! You desperately hope he didn't notice. As much as you would love to spend his money, running around like a little kid, but unfortunately (and fortunately) it was the perfect time to escape. You slip into the crowd while in the food court the second he looks away. Running to the nearest exit, strategically avoiding his gaze.

You guess you didn't do well enough, because when you bolt outside, you feel two strong arms wrap around you from behind. You look up in horror to see an angry chihuahua Chuuya glaring daggers at you, but... There is also a look of hurt in his eyes

"Why the hell did you try to escape huh?! To hurt me by pretending to be broken, only to hurt me more after I allowed you outside!! It'll be a long time before you ever go outside again. We're going home. Now." He tightly grabs your wrist, not caring about the amount of pain he's causing you, or how much you beg for him to forgive you. He throws you in the backseat of his car, slamming the door before driving the two of you home.

The night is certainly a long one, he's very rough despite you crying and begging, throwing you in the floor of the bedroom, fucking you and beating you til you pass out.

The next morning he felt bad about actions that night, and feels you've had enough punishment, so he'll cuddle you and pamper you. You get breakfast in bed and nothing but cuddles, apologies and words of praise, though, he still believes you deserved what came to you last night. He know you probably won't try to escape again after the hell he put you through, and even though he feels bad, he does not regret it...

[kishiar-la-orr]

personally speaking, there are 3 parts of kishiar la orr's character that makes me find him really fascinating.

first is how he is technically a troupe but a subversion of a troupe at the same time? male leads in romances, whether its het romance or a BL romance, are usually like. cold northern duke who is super strong, super smart and opens up to the main character very slowly because of the main character's kindness, blunt and at times rude. instead, we have kishiar — who is also a northern duke and super strong and super smart, but i'd argue between kishiar and yuder, the one who made the first move to further advance their connection is kishiar? as in, he extends his thoughts and feelings genuinely, expresses wanting to be close to yuder, which are all an olive branch yuder can accept, a sign of trust and (to a degree) vulnerability and real intent to form a connection.

yes, part of him plays into the common male lead troupes, but other parts of him honestly reads more like a female lead? he's the one more emotionally in touch, he's the socially savvy one, he's sunny and smiley. which is just fun, in my opinion, when compared to other BLs i've personally found over the years.

the second thing is my unending fascination with kishiar's complicated tango with mortality. being sickly from childhood, there must've been a sense of impending doom — especially when it's practically public secret among nobles that imperial family members usually die young because of vessel issues. kishiar was on super fast track to the same recorded fates those other people had. but then, in the prev. game, he survived! became healthy! only to not long after take two steps backwards as his health arguably got worse. sometimes i think being killed by yudrein in the 1st tl could be considered a mercy to 1st tl kishiar.

and in the 2nd tl, he went from sick to healthy — and that is it. i think with the blooming romance with yuder, it emphasizes the core characteristic of kishiar that is: he does everything for the people he loves, their future and happiness whether it's with or without him in the picture. ideally, of course it's with him. and in the 2nd tl, he's finally granted this. you can really tell when you see the prev. game flashbacks and go back to the present timeline that kishiar is just much more alive and not just in the physical sense — there is a drive and a sense of liveliness that wasn't there in all of their past life sections, in my opinion.

i just really get fascinated with character struggles with mortality, man. i think kishiar especially has a lot to offer in this department, there are so many things from canon that you can deconstruct or things not yet answered that you can headcanon — everything to play around and explore further about his character and its deep ties to death. even down to the way that he talks, to me, is due to his isolation because of the very vessel bursting issue that also foresaw his impending doom. like, he talks like a person who's alone a lot while growing up? the eloquence and all. it is so fun. naturally, this also includes his expertise with emotional processing and expression — i also think this can also be tied down to his intricate dance with mortality.

finally, the last layer is that kishiar, by all accounts, should be a gary stu — a male version of a mary sue character — and should maybe be boring to read about. he can do practically everything from magic, swordsmanship and aura, divine power to awakener ability. he is sociable and politically wise, able to play the 5D chess of nobles and high society and extract information from enemies and allies alike easily with his multi-layered words. he is smart, he is emotionally intelligent, he has a lot of strong allies, he is kind. but... he isn't boring to read about? not at all. his struggles may have passed, but they are struggles anyway. they contribute to the way i perceive him as a character and only cause me to be even more fascinated by him. and this very 'perfection' kuyu sets him up with — especially the being super strong and able to wield all the powers in their world like a goddamn avatar — is set up to be a major flaw: the very reason his vessel couldn't hold it for the majority of his life and in the 1st tl. everything just colors a very interesting picture of a character that i ended up beyond obsessed with.

[deramin2]

Absolutely love that Marisha was probably going to make a tamer choice, but Matt saw the perfect opportunity to push her as a Delilah, and really feed Laudna's paranoia. I think that really pushed her over the edge and Marisha fully ran with it.

And Liam really thought through what he knew (this was Laudna and she's being manipulated by Delilah but not intentionally hurting Orym), vs. what Orym knew (something he couldn't see attacked him in his sleep and he needs to defend himself from it because he had no idea what it's intentions were and has every reason to assume it's trying to kill all of them). Honestly Orym remained pretty defensive overall. Love that they both learned into how much both of them felt totally justified and like they were defending the party from harmful corrupting influence.

———

I'm someone with mental health problems that cause intrusive thoughts that can make me feel so absolutely certain that I'm justified in viewing other people as being intentionally harmful and lash out at them. In the moment it feels completely justified and righteous and a truth other people need to hear even though they'll resist it. I try really, really hard to resist expressing those thoughts. I try to remind myself I will end up regretting it and pushing people away permanently who (justifiably) won't put up with that treatment.

But sometimes it's so strong or I'm so triggered by the awfulness around me and despair that it escapes me. It feels like everyone else is lying to justify evil and I'm sick of it. Consequences be damned. It feels protective of other vulnerable people. And then I lash out and say things I regret and get yelled and blocked or dropped or otherwise lose people in my life and get more and more isolated. And feel like they're totally justified because really it's me who's the evil monster and need to be isolated for other prep people's protection because I can't be trusted and can't be better. I don't even want anyone too comfort me or love me because they don't deserve to be hurt by me eventually. (I'm not saying that's actually true, but that's how I feel and it feels very real to me while it's happening.)

———

Marisha absolutely nailed that depiction. In an ongoing way but particularly in CR C3 E95. And I love that it came right off the joyous mania of the shopping spree for and crafting season where they were all bonding and making plans for the future and letting off steam. But then she was triggered and all of that didn't matter. Off anything the strength of those emotions was a pendulum whose momentum helped her distress swing harder in the other direction.

She was triggered, and Delilah was a second layer of intrusive thoughts that made her feel so sure of her feelings and actions. 100% justified as Marisha said. And she would have been totally justified in just waking Orym up and having a conversation about the sword and at least putting it in the Bag of Holding overnight until they could make a long term decision. I think that's what Marisha was planning to do until Delilah showed up. She wasn't justified in hurting Orym in a unilateral decision that she should feed the sword to Delilah. Her thoughts were very real to get but not based on facts. Whatever her intentions she hurt Orym and avoided apologizing.

And I loved how Imogen pushed back this time. So often she's enabled Laudna because she loves her wants to comfort her. But this time I think she saw that's not what Laudna needs. She needs someone to check her and keep her from escalating. She's feeling complicated feelings right now because she loves Laudna, but she hates Delilah and what Delilah is getting Laudna to do. Like the partner of an addict who loves them, but hates what the substance is doing to them and how they're acting to feed that addiction. I can't wait to see how that plays out in the future.

The whole thing was incredibly real representation to me. This is an incredibly triggering situation that they're all in and they're all crumbling in the face of it. Chetney and Orym both made deals with Nana Mori. Chetney for fame, Orym for power. Ashton secretly took the fire primordial shard and nearly killed themselves in front of Fearne and then the other others. Imogen tried to flip her mom on the cult that's indoctrinated her for decades. FCG did blow himself up. Fearne was lured away by her shitbag sperm donor in the night so he could try to kill her and have a copy take her place. Dorian watched Lolth's crown take over Opal, his brother die, and his friends scattered. Laudna is feeding Delilah's power. None of them are okay and they're all being totally reckless. They're both bonding over their recklessness and being pushed apart by it. Can't wait to see what happens next.

[adorastarot]

What will change after the 14/10/23 eclipse in Libra? PAC tarot reading

Hi loveliessss! I have basically spent 2/3hrs on this reading because the energies are just insanely INTENSE today!🌒�� This reading will cover the changes that will come into your life after today's eclipse but also cover what's been happening in the present.

“This eclipse is in the sign of Libra and alignment with the South Node of Destiny, so we may be releasing outdated perspectives and bringing in new ones — particularly in relationships”

How to choose a pile: Take a deep breath and close your eyes. Ask the universe if there is a message that you need to hear right now. You may either hear a number or be drawn to a pack once you open your eyes!

If the message doesn't resonate then it may not be for you.

♡ Private readings and extended readings are available - Check out my Ko-fi (Exclusive Eclipse reading available over the next 24hrs)

🌕🌒🌕🌒LET'S GET TO IT🌒🌕🌒🌕

Ok so my dear pile number 1, as soon as I tried to tune in with your energies I felt my hands go really cold and my chest go warm. The picture chosen for this pile is perfect because that’s how I felt as I connected, the air is cold and the temperatures have dropped but your heart is warm and there is a cosiness in the air as winter approaches. As the cards started to come out, suddenly I was surrounded by noise and I started to panic a little bit. This tells me (even without any cards) that there may be a lot of people in your life right now trying to speak up and share their opinion uninvited and you need to tell them to take care of their own business instead of worrying about yours. Also the songs “I was happy for a while” by Blackbear just came to my mind.

"Cause when I think of us, I always seem to smile 'Cause I was happy for a while, I was happy for a while, yeah And sometimes, love will leave you even when it's right But I was happy for a while, and I don't know how I'll smile again"

Ok, let’s get down to the cards and see if we can make sense of all of these messages that I am getting with the help of the cards ahahaha

2 of swords, the devil, 5 of pentacles, 4 of pentacles, page o cups and 6 of cups

You may have had to make a very hard decision in regards to love, this can be romantic love, friendship but also family! You have made a decision recently ( in the past month) that took a toll on you and it was a very hard boundary for you to add to your life. It seems like this past relationship could have cost you a lot?! Whether it is time or money, and you didn’t want to be bound to this person in a way that felt unhealthy and one-sided. However, it could be that you have been keeping these things a secret from those around you and because no one knows what truly happened, an what this person truly did to you, they are all trying to drill some sense into you or just making a lot of noisy about a situation that they know nothing about. This has been painful for you because you still care a lot about this person, but you know it is best right now to add some distance to your relationship. This eclipse is going to allow you to shut everyone down! It is going to enable you to tell others to back off and focus on yourself again and your own opinions and needs instead of feeling pressured. This is likely to have been an ongoing cycle in your life which you are finally getting rid of after this eclipse. It’s time to focus on connections that allow you to shine instead of those that keep you isolated. If people from the past try to come back into your life, embrace them with open arms instead of being scared. Reflect on the connection of the past whilst enlightening them on the person that you have become. Friends come and go, but they can always come back after.

Pile 2 my lovelies! As soon as I connected with your pile, I felt very nervous…or anxious for what is to come.  I also felt a strong pain in my neck and my head. Whatever it is that you are worried about, it’s not worth you sacrificing your physical well-being over! It’s time to take care of your emotional well-being instead and you will see that things will fall into place a little bit better. I feel like a star is being born with your amazing energy right now - you are finally becoming who you are meant to be…can you feel it? Do you see and feel the changes that have been happening? I don’t know but today music is just coming to me?! So the lyrics that came through for you are Up&Up by Coldplay, in particular:

“See a pearl form, a diamond in the rough See a bird soaring high above the flood It's in your blood, it's in your blood Underneath the storm an umbrella is saying "Sitting with the poison takes away the pain" Up and up, up and up it's saying”

The empress, the sun, the fool, 6 of pentacles, 9 of cups, 2 of cups

OMG I WANT TO CRY - ok ok. You have been sitting with blame and feeling guilty for way too long. Do you think that sitting with guilt will make it go away? Do you think that you deserve to be in pain because of things that you probably haven’t even done and aren’t guilty of doing? No!!! Being in this pain is not helping you at all nor is it helping your situation. Little star, this eclipse is going to be your breakthrough. It is going to be your chance to shine bright and the universe is going to throw you back into your destined path because you are worthy of so much more than you are letting yourself experience right now. You have so much light in you and you need to find it. Be more spontaneous and focus on doing the things that you want to do - there is no wrong answer. Right now you only have yourself to blame for the way your life is - but you don’t even deserve it! You are guilt-tripping yourself out of success and even love. Within the next year I feel like your soulmate is going to come into your life so you need to get back on track to success. Protect yourself and your energy, sometimes taking the first step is enough, you don’t need to complete the whole journey straight away. Allow things to fall apart right now and trust that nothing can touch your energy apart from yourself. Choose to protect your energy.

Ahhh I had to take a break before starting pile 3 because pile 2 really killed me energetically! Ahahaaha, but so welcome everyone to pile 3 and thank you for being here! If I was going to describe this pile with 1 word it would be - HOPE! You guys are all hopeful and may recently have started wearing either warmer colour or warmed-toned colours and surrounding yourselves with these colours too. However, there is a lot of coldness as well surrounding you and it feels like you are trying to be hopeful regardless of all of the bad things that have happened and most of them do seem to be in regards to your love life. Your song my dear pile 3 is IDK yet by Alexander 23, in particular, the lyrics:

“How can you miss someone you've never met? 'Cause I need you now, but I don't know you yet But can you find me soon because I'm in my head? Yeah, I need you now, but I don't know you yet”

7 of wands, 5 of cups, 2 of cups, 2 of pentacles, 2 of wands

Pile 3, my heart is crying for you, I am not sure this is recent, it feels like it’s been ongoing for years to say the least but you have been hurt so much in the meanest ways imaginable. I feel like you invest in relationships and in people very easily - almost blindly. You invest everything that you have and you easily imagine a future with these people but then…they all somehow end up disappointing you which makes you wonder if it’s you? Why do these people keep disappointing, is it you? What are you doing wrong and how can you change it? You are starting to be hopeful about romance again though, trying to get out of the hopeless energy and hoping knowing that there is someone out there for you. If this is not romantic then you may still be on the lookout or a platonic soulmate who won’t stab you in the back. After this eclipse, you will be able to find the balance between giving too much of yourself away and hiding away from new people. You have not been able to balance yourself yet but after today it will come easily to you and you will allow yourself to move forward and get rid of that cold energy around you - choosing instead to leave it in the past.

All the love🌕

[drunkenlionwrites]

Since you started with uncanny Vash, may we have some smut with him? 👀

Hey nonnie, you order - I deliver! Not sure how it turned out, it's pretty experimental this time 😶 Warnings: fem!reader, alien sex, Vash is basically a plant on steroids here. Written with Trimax Vash in mind.

You woke up in your bed alone, feeling the coldness of the sheets on Vash’s side. It was a familiar enough occurrence for you though, having been Vash’s ‘mayfly’ for an alarmingly long time, all his habits were carved and stored in the back of your mind. Sometimes, like now, you wake up alone in a cold bed just to find Vash sulking somewhere alone, being overwhelmed by his heavy thoughts, sometimes you are literally buried in Vash’s body, sturdy appendages sprouted out of him encaging you safely. It all strangely brought you comfort, whereas other people might be rightfully shitlessly scared.

So now you find yourself barefoot and wrapped in a blanket, traversing the hotel’s wooden floor, which is creaking pitifully under each step of yours. And here he is, standing on the open balcony, surrounded by the rhythmic buzzing of the bugs-filled sky, the sight of his fluttering blond-black hair catching your gaze.

“Hey handsome.” you gently murmur to him, which gets you a greeting by his glowing eyes and barely visible tired smile. “Care to join me in bed? It’s awfully empty without you.” Walking up to him, you hug him from behind, burying your head into his wide back after pressing a tender kiss there. The warmth of your body already brings you more comfort than a thick woolen blanket did. You feel how tense his muscles are, and you instantly know that he’s been having nightmares again and now, losing the ability to fall back asleep, is contemplating the thoughts he’s too reclusive to share even with you.

“I’ll come soon. Just don’t feel like sleeping now” and one more fake smile is directed at you. You’re aware of him knowing that you see through each of them, but the habit developed during more than a century is hard to get rid of.

You huff at his retort, determined to not let him be isolated with his reflections, so you squeeze him tighter in your embrace and mumble “Who was talking about sleeping, silly?” Seems like it worked, cause the next moment you feel the movement of his ribcage, Vash chuckling at your suggestion. “Hey, I’m serious. I really need you right now!” you pouted, and even if it is primarily a not so smooth plan to distract your boyfriend from sulking, it’s also true – there’s not a moment in your life when you don’t want him.

He turns to face you, murmuring “Who am I to refuse my prettiest girl then?” taking you into his arms, now cocooned in the blanket like a baby. You use the closeness to his face to press loving kisses to his warm soft lips while he’s carrying you to bed. And Lord, he is so fucking strong, carrying you as if you’re a feather, his muscles barely flexing under your weight.

He plops you on the bed with a soft thud and immediately crawls onto it, not giving you any time to untangle yourself from the damned blanket. Vash smiles at you with a toothy smile, his gaze already predatory, as he methodically unwraps you like a Christmas gift, getting you out of the blanket and then getting rid of your night shirt and panties. His hands are everywhere, both unnaturally smooth – the polished prosthetic one, as well as his own which feels like silk on the sides of your body.

You provide him with the same attention, tugging the shirt off his shoulders to allow you access to his hot skin, the contrast between the ideal porcelain untouched spots of his skin balanced by cracks and grooves of his scars under your fingertips. It would be a definite lie to say that it doesn’t add to his attractiveness in your eyes.

When he shifts his weight and presses his body on top of yours, you hastily tug on his joggers and try to pry them off his hips to glide your palms lower and lower, squeezing his soft ass, knowing that each time it makes him elicit a yelp that you enjoy so much. His eyes are sparkling with mischief as he slowly glides his fingers in between your folds a few times, just to insert both fingers inside your already sleek with arousal pussy. And you know that it’s his petty revenge, but oh how you love it.

You moan his name and press your pelvis closer to him, wrapping your legs behind his hips, wanting to feel as much of his body as possible. Vash grinds against you, and though the space between his legs is just a smooth patch of skin, it still makes you feel even more aroused. “That’s what you wanted, baby? To be fucked back into sleep?” he lewdly whispers into your ear as his fingers curl inside of you, precisely hitting the spot that makes you scream in his hands. He bites your earlobe and moves his face up to look into your eyes and then presses his forehead to yours.

And that makes you completely engrossed in what is happening to you. This is what you’ve been longing for, the one thing that completely ruined you for everyone besides your lover. The sensation of doubled and then tripled emotions and feelings that your weakened brain can barely process. You now feel Vash’s rapture and elation, wrapped in physical sensation of his thick long fingers abusing your pussy perceived by him, finishing with your own corporal pleasure, which now will forever seem the lesser one of those. Vash moans and pants into your mouth, experiencing the pleasure through you, his body is rapidly covering by feathers upon feathers, that now tickle your skin. Not that you can register it, totally lost in the echo of feelings.

His body shifts and morphs, losing the contours of a humanoid creature now, only his fingers remaining the same, moving back and forth inside you, the thumb barely applying a pressure to your clit. But his mind and soul are nothing but human, now you know it. In moments like these you know Vash as if it was you, and you let him know you as if you are him. You are connected so deeply, that it both scares you and makes you want to completely dissolve and disappear in him. This is not making love; this is completely melding in each other. And now he’s your God, he’s your Universe, and you don’t need know anything else except Vash.

You weakly mewl and shudder underneath him, your breaths now completely synchronized, hell, your bodies are completely synchronized and now you are one breathing and feeling organism that’s slowly bringing each other to your release. Vash moans with you once you start clenching around his fingers. You are so close, yet you dread for the moment to end, which Vash registers and consoles you immediately, chuckling at how needy you are.

Just a hard press of his thumb to your clit and a few strokes on the inside of your pussy with additional pressure and you’re done. Shuddering at feeling everything at once. All this love and tenderness, all the longing and arousal, all the ultimately divine pleasure…you really want to dissolve into Vash completely one day.

So a bit of my thoughts about this here: I've been thinking, especially after writing general headcanons for uncanny Vash, what if he doesn't have human bodily functions at all? He doesn't sweat, he doesn't have any thermoregulation at all, he has no need for sleep or nourishing, his skin doesn't have pores and doesnt produce melanin etc. So what does he need the human-like reproductive systen for? Independent plants are the anomaly, what if they can be birthed only from a regular mother-plant? All's possible. So, here Vash is telepathically connecting to reader and kinda experiences his orgasm through her, while at the same time she immediately feels: 1. her regular physical sensations, 2. Vash's feelings and reaction to her, 3. her orgasm that is perceived by Vash. So it's basically triple orgasm, enveloped in all kinds of entwined feelings? Won't it be cool? ahah Also, I know that someone somewhere said that Vash's plant powers work only for plants, but we literally have a lot of instances where humans perceive Vash's and Knives' feelings telepathically: 1. Leonof and Wolfwood feel Vash's rage and pain at Home after Leonoff turned the people there into puppets and after Vash cried blood. Wolfwood thinks how he can't even move, while Leonof is comparing Vash to knives and notes how not human they both are.

They totally perceived all Vash's emotions on physical level. He just stood there doing and saying nothing, yet Leonof and co felt like they just died.

2. I forgot the chapter, but Eldendira was explaning to someone the effect of Knives' presence on regular humans. Something like that his aura is heavy and dreadful and physically palpable, but Gung-Ho-Guns got used to it, and Elendira copes with it the best. 3. Not twins, but in the end of manga all the falling plants transferred all their memories and emotions to thousands and thousands of people, thus they all can thelepathically influence humans in the end 🤷‍♂️ Peace out 🤞

[remotepixel]

Hey! Could I request smth where the reader is living in the avengers tower (maybe they had like a near death experience which made the avengers freak out and keep them there for their ‘safety’). Obviously with little to no connection to the outside world they start to feel isolated and depressed, so their yandere(s) gets them a pet to cheer them up.

With a focus on Tony (and maybe Steve but i don’t mind if not) and the other avengers are aware of what’s going on but either don’t see anything wrong with it or don’t want to cause any trouble.

Hi, thank you for requesting!!

TW: yandere themes + kidnapping as part of the plot.

-If the avengers are already obsessing over you, there’s no way you’re getting out of a near-death experience without a side of kidnapping. They probably already debated over the topic before (after years of constantly seeing the worse side of humanity their protective instincts were strong) and this was simply the last straw.

-Tony himself would be a big advocate for this. He’s already paranoid enough and the idea of losing you is not one he wants to consider. Although Steve would be more apprehensive, he’ll probably be convinced. He tries not to come across as overbearing, unlike another already mentioned member, so this isn’t ideal, but he would be lying if a small, overprotective part of him didn’t like the suggestion.

-On the other hand, you’re not as enthusiastic. Since you’re now under their care, you’re also isolated from everyone but them. Depending on if this was a ‘full on’ kidnapping or some weird agreement with the parents that you didn’t know of, they legally can’t, or don’t want to, let you out of their sight.

-Sure, the tower has anything you could want: your personalised room, hundreds of games for every console, an AI system that can instantly change anything to your preference, etc, etc, but it doesn’t compare to having your freedom.

-After a few weeks, you don’t seem any happier. You don’t laugh at Tony’s comments, or seem interested in whatever Steve is going on about, in fact you seem bored of them. So, time for plan B (well plan insert-letter-way-down-the-alphabet because they’ve tried countless times before this with no luck): a pet : ).

-Although seeing you happy is one of the best things for them, the undivided attention you are now giving to that pet is not.

-Tony would be the most jealous out of the two. Like, he paid for this animal, you’re not going to thank him? He doesn’t give me animal lover vibes either, so this was definitely ‘I’m doing this for you, you better be grateful’ moment (like he didn’t lock you here in the first place).

-He’d probably make one of the other avengers babysit it for an hour or two, enough time for you guys to hang out without you being distracted or missing it.

-If he’d desperate/the others aren’t around, he’d move your pet into his lab so, when you start looking for it, you’re forced to see him. He’d act all innocent like ‘wow, didn’t even notice’ but it’s clear by his ramblings about this ‘being a sign you should stay and hang’ that this is definitely his doing.

-Steve’s a bit more open. He knows you weren’t doing well before, and understands that this pet obviously means a lot to you. Instead of treating it like a common enemy, he’d use it to get close to you.

-He’ll offer to walk it outside sometimes, buy it new toys, etc. He’d probably make homemade treats and convince you to help him as a little bonding moment. I think he’d even grow to liking the pet in general, not just for you (which might give him extra brownie points).

-While this is all going on, the other avengers are conflicted. Both Steve and Tony are important (and probably the most popular) members of the team, and going against them would be difficult, even if they don’t necessarily agree. Depending on timelines (e.g. Civil war), this may even bring the two closer, and the others may not want to go back to the constant fighting.

-Either way, no matter their opinions, the other avengers don’t get in the way. They’ll help out if needed, and would likely step up if things were wildly out of control, but, if this is the way of keeping the peace, so be it.

[dufferpuffer]

What do you think lupin needs in a romantic partner to have a functioning/healthy relationship (as healthy as this man can manage atleast)? What qualities would this person have to have to be able to deal with all the more challenging aspects of being in a relationship with him? But also what does he want in a partner? And what would he absolutely not want?

Me. I am perfect. Remus Lupin hmu

Remus Romantic Partner pt1: Remus is needy Link to pt2: Remus is good Link to pt3: Shipping, I guess (aint done)

In short: Remus Lupin needs an ANCHOR POINT to harbor his ship. 1. Someone interesting he can pour his attention into. 2. Generally up-beat/optimistic, so he has warmth to lean on. 3. Bold enough to be themselves - even if they're different. 4. Kind and accepting of other people 5. A little 'cute'. 'Quirky'. Small 'issues' support. (just a bonus, really) 6. Independent. Can live without him just fine but still want him. 7. Emotionally strong. Immense maturity and stability. 8. Doesn't have much temper, doesn't start drama or fights. Of course he doesn't need ALL of these boxes ticked - but the highlighted ones are the closest to a MUST for the relationship to even have a chance at being healthy. In long: Explanations (and example characters who I think fit) are below. B^)

Remus is an introverted man. He isn't shy (he can take charge of a room, he can speak publicly, he is good at getting people to like him) but when he isn't the focus he is a wall-flower. He doesn't talk much unless he has something to say. He is deeply, irreparably self-conscious. He has trauma of unintentionally hurting those he loves, so he keeps his distance.

((His parents became sick with the stress of having to move house every few months, find new work every few months, keeping their bank account drained... socially isolated with a son they had to lock away every Full Moon - lest he killed them. They loved him but that was a difficult thing for Remus to grow up witnessing, knowing he was the cause. Knowing him leaving for Hogwarts was the best thing to happen for their health since he was bitten... Of course he pushes people away. He can't help being sick - but he can help them not suffer... if he stays away.))

He is always thinking inwardly. He is always anxious. He wonders how he can make himself smaller, friendlier, less scary… Trying to plan how he wants others to relate to him. He tries to control how others think of him, to steer them away from the bad things... He is a wolf in wizards clothing. If he treats everyone as dolls to manipulate, and if they never know the real him... it will hurt everyone less when he leaves.

1. He needs someone who can bust him out of that toxic mindset. Someone that grabs his attention and pulls it away from himself. Someone interesting, skilled, passionate - living a life he can't achieve. Someone with knowledge or stories he can listen to at length and live a little through them... or they can even include him. More of a talker so he can be a listener, so he can focus on someone else's world - but they're also eager to hear whatever he has to say without prying. They aren't arrogant or loud: they can listen, too. Remus needs good, witty conversation over a cup of tea.

2. They need to be generally up-beat, but not in a way that'll crush his down-beat. They invite him to join in if he wants - or else lean on them like they're a heater for his troubled soul while he feels down. Sometimes he will feel bad, or flat, or tired - and they can't fix it.

I don't think he has any visual preferences. What he notices first about people are their mannerisms. He is always shaping himself to fit the room, so I think he admires people who act authentically: Boldness. Bravery. Honesty. Earnestness. Brashness. So... 3. He would be more attracted to people of subcultures and/or strong interests - or are simply out-of-the-expected-norm. I think he would be fascinated about these little nooks of belonging - alternate 'normal's' when the Wizarding world can be so rigid. (Do I think he has a preference for LGBTQIA+? Yeah. General androgyny too.)

4. Kind. Accepting. They need to be kind to others in general. Because he can't always be kind to others. He puts himself first and sometimes that hurts because he WANTS to be more kind. A partner who can pick up the slack? Who he can trust to always be kind and accepting of him - because they are such a way with everyone...? That's just a requirement, really.

5. A small thing I think he likes in particular: A cute factor. A little clumsy, A little slow, Enthusiastic, Awkward, Weak, A bit short/tall... something that isn't an issue but will pop up every now and then, distract him and make him go '...cute. That was cute.' Something he can effortlessly support. Something he can be thoughtful about, thinking of their needs rather than his own. - They struggle to read quickly? He can read out loud for them. - They tend to act impulsively? He can hold them back just enough to let them to give it a second thought. - They struggle in social situations? So he can talk on their behalf. - They keep fumbling and tripping over? He can keep them steady. It's nice to feel useful and kind in a simple, effortless way. Something so obvious to proves he isn't bad at heart - even when he feels awful.

6. They need to be Independent. What he CAN'T have is someone who NEEDS him. Oh god, the pressure… He cant be trapped. He requires a high level of independence... because he WILL FAIL. He WILL leave and break their heart over nothing. He WILL make promises he doesn't intend to keep - because he intends to run away and never look back. If they NEED him, just to stay afloat…? It will break him. He can't be the bread-winner, even if he could have a stable job. He can't be a long-term emotional support, only short-term. He needs to know that WHEN he breaks down and fucks off not 'if' - even if it's FOREVER… that they will be okay without him. 'Not being ok without him' won't make him stay. He will not 'shape up under a bit of pressure'. It will only injure him.

7. He needs someone strong enough to be forgiving. Not a self-harming, forcing yourself to forgive-and-forget either. That is a very real danger with Remus: If he got with someone who was as much a people-pleasing self-depreciator as him…? He will tear them to shreds. He is a toxic man and he requires tough gloves to handle:- Genuinely emotionally strong. Someone he can lean on, far more than they lean on him. - Wise enough to see through his bullshit manipulations and lies - with enough tact to navigate them, understanding he struggles without judgement but holding him gently accountable. - Empathetic enough to understand him even when he can't explain himself properly. - Mature enough to hold him accountable. Can help him understand how he can do better. He is filled with shame - sometimes for very good reasons that need addressing.

He will go through periods of being unable to be contacted, periods of self-endangerment… He needs somewhere, someone, he can crawl back to in shame. Who WILL talk with him seriously about things… but is willing to just let him sleep quietly for the night in their arms, for now. (Am I saying he needs to date a therapist? Yeah, basically. Dating Remus isn't easy.)

8. Doesn't start fights. Doesn't lash out. Doesn't live off of drama. Remus fits himself into situations passively - he doesn't need someone making situations more difficult to feel comfortable in. If they get angry and yell at him - he will yell one hurtful thing back and leave. He has a very limited ability withstand tension. He tries to keep a level head and a level room - he needs a partner who will support those efforts, or at least not sabotage them.

Partners I think have good chemistry, for examples:

NYMPHADORA TONKS. It is annoying how perfectly she has been made to fit Remus' needs, as she is so underutilized. I wouldn't find her as frustrating if she got more fleshing out in ways that weren't the specific things suited to being with Remus… ugh. - She is a skilled Auror, especially for her age. - She lightens the mood of any room by being playful. - She is unapologetic in being herself, accepting people with ease. - She is a bit clumsy - but capable and hugely independent. - Her ability to roll with the punches is insane: every time Remus is hot-and-cold she has both the ability to hold him responsible for how much it hurts and the strength to still stand there for him. - She is firey and doesn't back down, but she isn't trying to start fights. She's just stubborn and confident in what she has to say. To make claims like 'Remus only likes her because she can shapeshift' or whatever is just... no, its because she is perfect for him.

LUNA LOVEGOOD. Surprising, I know. Perhaps in different circumstances they could have hit it off. - Strong interests, a subculture at the edge of Wizarding society yet she is always 'uniquely' and brazenly herself. - Optimistic and up-beat... a little dreamy, air-headed, focus could use some steering sometimes. - Helpful and kind to all, even those that have been mean to her. - Very used to being alone. Independent in body and soul. Quite comfortable being alone - but friends are nice, too. - Emotional strength is a specialty of hers. Even in the worst situations she keeps her head on her shoulders and, despite how aloof she appears, is intelligent, sharp and serious. - Can make demands when she needs to - not a pushover. Bonus: An interest in magical creatures, too. :)

Close, but I think have a large flaw (that might makes them spicy):

SEVERUS SNAPE - Potions Master. Dark Arts specialist. Veteran teacher. All the steady employment and deep, fascinating interests Remus wishes he could have - along with ALSO having been a Spy... and being misunderstood. They have more in common than they don't. - He isn't optimistic, but he is a problem solver, dedicated to making things better than they are. He faces problems head on while Remus would rather curl away. - He understands feeling quiet and low. He might not be warm, but he is a softer place to rest than you'd expect. - He has never changed himself for anyone. He is stubbornly himself, even when it makes him seem like an outcast weirdo. - He has little patience. He isn't gentle or nice. But he cares enough to be kind, even to those he hates... and he is loyal. It isn't ideal for Remus but it gives him a place to fit himself: If Severus is cold, he is warm. If Severus has the quirk of being a snarky, prickly bastard - Remus is skilled at the opposite. - Independent. Accustomed to being alone. Expects to be alone. Being with someone who understands him... a little daunting, really. The main place I think Severus fails here is emotional strength. He is quick to anger and lashes out. He holds grudges. He starts shit and Remus can't handle shit. Severus needs someone who can temper those anger flares, or at least weather them - and Remus can do neither. But perhaps that is the place they can meet in the middle...?

LILY EVANS - Everyone liked her. Talented, bright and strong-willed, She was a popular girl. I think Remus liked her too, but... James and Severus. - She seems a bit cheeky, quick witted - she brightens a room when she walks in. - She was best friends with Severus for years. Maybe she had other friends in her dorm - but if they were as close to her as Severus was, they would have been HIS friends, too. She was willing to be with the outcast, even when popular. - I know it's a movie quote, but I think it still fits from Remus' POV when he says Lily was an 'uncommonly kind woman' and 'had a way of seeing the beauty in others when that person cannot see it themselves.' I think she accepted him fast and firmly. - She didn't need anyone else. She stood up to James by herself. She knew what she was worth. - She seems to prefer ending fights rather than starting them. She hates a bully. Lily doesn't have the 'grit' (for lack of a better word) to take toxicity. She hated James' bullying. She dropped Severus. She has patience and an 'I can help fix him' desire - but they need to put in the effort, too. James cleaned up his act somewhat and she liked that. Remus isn't going to fully succeed at 'fixing' himself. Not just by 'putting some effort in'. It is going to take so long, and be so slow... Severus would be far easier to 'I can help fix him' - and she couldn't handle him. !!!This isn't saying Lily is weak or something. It is incredibly HEALTHY to not being able to put up with toxic shit, to have the strength to say 'enough is enough'. That is a GOOD thing.!!!

A popular partner I DON'T think works out so easily:

SIRIUS BLACK Sirius Black is a dog. He needs people. He needs constant companionship - especially after Azkaban. He is a mess who needs support, company, loyalty... and Remus can't provide any of that with regularity! Waking up in an empty bed, in a cold room, after Remus timidly promised to 'always be there' for him but was lying... it would shatter Sirius. He doesn't have the strength or stability to lose anyone else. Sirius is honest and sticks to his guns even when times get tough. He would rather DIE than turn his back on a loved one. Remus lies unprovoked and runs away with his tail between his legs at the slightest sign of trouble. Sirius, as a traumatized man, is not going to be able to understand why Remus can just throw away everything he has to run off. How he could just leave him alone again...? Doesn't he love him?! At his worst: he is more likely to try and emotionally trap Remus with him, force him to stay - and that just isn't going to work. Remus is a Wolf. He can't be locked in. I don't even think Sirius at his best, pre-Azkaban, would fit well: - He is upbeat, but in a way that tries to break others out of their funks. It's abrasive for him to hang out with someone sad. ((I'm sure he could learn to do it but his instinct is to help.)) - He is kind - but he has a limit. When that limit is passed, his care is snapped. He holds grudges and he makes judgements. - He is not and has never been independent. He is strong-willed and confident about himself, yes - but he thrives when he is at another's side. He has always been like this Azkaban just made it worse. - He doesn't have what it takes to weather Remus' bullshit. That's not a bad thing either, he know how to cut toxic people from his life when they are too heavy - but post-Azkaban he is even more scared of losing people, which makes him vulnerable. - He starts shit. He jumps into arguments, he escalates, he enjoys the thrill and the drama of it. Remus wouldn't join in, even if he agrees with Sirius, and thus would leave him unsupported. We see this very thing happen in OotP

[ryuichirou]

I really love the lengthy analysis you wrote about Vil and Jamil in the past! Do you have anything similar to say about Riddle, if you haven't already? Or maybe about Riddle and Trey, if you're more comfortable with talking about relationships between characters.

Dear Anon, I am very happy you liked my analysis of these two! It’s been a while, I even forgot that I wrote it, so it’s insanely nice to hear that someone still reads these posts and enjoys them. As you might have already noticed (it seems to be my mission to keep repeating it to make sure no one ever forgets about it), I am not as speedy with my replies as I used to be, so this reply is long overdue. But I always have stuff to say about these boys, and Riddle very interesting and very dear to me as the boy who introduced us to how broken these boys are and how interestingly TWST plays with the theme of trauma.

We don’t post about him very often, but I like Riddle a lot. I think out of all of the housewardens he has the biggest vibe of a broken kid hidden behind his strong facade. I guess this is my way of saying that Riddle is the most childish out of all of them lol It shows not only in his tantrums (Ace compared him to a baby for a reason), but also in how obviously excited he gets when he sees anything that is fun; it’s like his inner kid reacts before Riddle composes himself and acts like he isn’t interested. We’ve seen a bunch of moments like this, I think. In a way, all of the overblot boys didn’t get to live through their childhood in a “normal” way, but Riddle expresses it in a very obvious way.

But it’s not only about cakes and games: Riddle is very immature emotionally too, and it’s hard to blame him for that, because let’s be honest: this is the first time Riddle deals with people. Isolation is a difficult thing to come back from, and if you shove a heavily sheltered boy into an high school/college and put him in a position of housewarden, of course he’s going to act like a little dictator: this is the only way to assert authority he’s ever seen. And since Riddle himself is a good kid (i.e. a kid who is terribly afraid of making his mother angry) and doesn’t misbehave, he is completely unequipped of dealing with a whole dorm of teenagers who aren’t very good or excited to live by the Queen’s Rules. Even those who don’t want to cause trouble can’t remember all of them, they’re basically written in a way that are meant to sabotage you, but Riddle would never acknowledge that: if he learned them, others must too, otherwise they just didn’t try enough. But they just won’t listen, and Riddle gets frustrated instantly: it’s them who are unreasonable, not him!

Of course it is a metaphor and an exaggeration, but I think Riddle portrays a very real thing that a lot of us have either seen or experienced. His standards for himself aren’t just high, they’re absolutely unreasonable, but this is his entire reality and he can’t even see that this isn’t how things are for the rest of the world. He’s like a little goldfish (lol) who lived in a tiny aquarium for its entire life and then got transferred into an ocean without any kind of adaptation or even a quarantine. Riddle is already a second year, but I think the shock of everything around him still hasn’t gone away completely, partially because Riddle spends a lot of time stubbornly ignoring the feeling that he is the one in the wrong. If he is wrong, than mother is also wrong, and that can’t be – this is the only thing he is sure of.

You know, there are some people who really enjoy having a system of rules in their head, or rather principles, and it gives them a very valuable and helpful structure (even if that system of rules/principles isn’t perfect and backfires sometimes). Vil is that kind of person, Sebek is that kind of person... Riddle isn’t. I genuinely think Riddle is the type of person who would enjoy living without a set of rules, but with basic logic to help him navigate the world; does that make sense? Anyways, unfortunately, Riddle can’t live without a manual: he never learned how to. We see it both in his book and in book 6, when he shocks Azul over and over again by just how rigid he is.

Speaking of which, I love that Riddle didn’t have a 180 degree turn after his book. Of course, it’s partially because we have to keep the status quo intact a little bit, and he wouldn’t be the personification of the Queen if he didn’t have his rules; but I also think this is very true to life. Just like the boys said at the end of the book 1, you don’t have to change everything at ones, taking baby steps is okay.

But taking baby steps also means that you will keep bumping into issues and conflicts, which is crucial for growth, but also could make Azul fucking Ashengrotto say that he will beat the shit out of you if you won’t shut up lol

Their entire dynamic in book 6 was very good. Both Azul and Riddle are horribly stubborn, obsessive freaks, but for entirely different reasons and in very different ways. And both of them have their guard up, but interestingly? I think Riddle is better at trusting people and being genuine about his feelings or thoughts about them than Azul. Maybe he’s made a better progress than Azul in that sense, maybe he’s always been better, but this is what I mean: Riddle doesn’t mind genuinely complimenting Azul for his achievements, and a lot of time he didn’t even mean to offend Azul with his remarks. To Azul, however, every compliment is given with a reason and every snarky comment is given to metaphorically push someone down the stairs. Both of them have a lot to learn though lol but it’s fun to see them working through this misunderstanding and actually working together.

You asked about Trey; and honestly, even though we kind of liked him from the beginning, we didn’t think much about him (mostly because we met the rest of the characters whom we were very excited about). But the more I think about Trey, the more I get amused by how much of a dark horse he is. I feel like Trey’s forced neutrality and desire to stay “hidden” from any kind of event or conflict or attention at all is interesting: it’s subtle, but it’s definitely there. He has this inoffensive image of a good and caring older brother type, and it’s true that he is caring and supportive, but it’s also isn’t entirely out of his desire to do good things. I’m not saying that he is an asshole, but he isn’t like Silver or Kalim, if that makes sense, he doesn’t have this hero-like desire for everyone to be happy or to protect the weak no matter what and to help out everyone: whether Trey wants to admit it or not, he has his priorities. And I feel like Trey doesn’t even want to necessarily be “the good guy”, he really just wants to be “the normal guy”, and sometimes “the normal guy people could rely on”.

What I wanted to say by that is that Riddle is Trey’s main priority no matter what. I’m stating the obvious, but this is why he didn’t protect Ace and Deuce (who were in Heartslabyul for less than a week) from him, this is why he kept asking everyone to just be patient with Riddle and to tolerate the way he treats everyone. Because it was more important for him to protect Riddle and to avoid him feeling like he does the wrong thing.

And while it’s partially due to Trey’s personality and his relationship with Riddle, I feel like Trey is also kind of traumatised by what happened back then. Not to the degree that Riddle is traumatised of course, but it’s probably tough for someone who’s always been a good kid to get yelled at by someone else’s mother for hours for doing something that you believe wasn’t even bad. I think Trey feels extremely guilty because he knows that whatever he felt, Riddle had it even worse. So it’s not surprising that he is terrified of hurting Riddle even more: every time he looks at the way he acts, he knows that it’s a result of him being abused. I’m stating the obvious here lol but I like that Trey is stuck in this “sorry, but I will keep hurting all of you because not hurting him is more important”.

We watched Ghost Marriage Event recently (haven’t seen the vignettes and voice lines yet) and I think it’s very interesting that it was kind of tied to the Trey/Riddle situation, which Ace even directly addressed. We even got Trey (and Cater too, to be fair) going yikes because he felt called out by what Ace was saying to Chubby about the way he treated Eliza. Even if you love someone, you can’t just let that person get away with hurting others. Even if you think it will keep them happy, it will never help them in a way you think it will. Riddle gets hurt by staying a tyrant that everyone despises, and Trey knows that he does, but doing that important step of stopping him and having a talk with him is too scary to even consider. This is why he needed that wakeup call from Ace of all people.

I guess that makes Ace more emotionally mature than Trey and Riddle both in a way lol

Anyways, I love their relationship a lot, and even though I’ve mostly been talking about the very basis of their relationship, I think there is a lot to explore with these two.

[bonecarversbestie]

why do you hate azriel, what is there to hate about him he's quiet and polite? just curious

Thank you so much for asking, I’ve been waiting to talk about this topic for a long time.

For your pleasure and convenience, I’ve organized my points into an easily digestible numbered list:

Caution: Azriel criticism ahead

First, his particular brand of emo broodiness is just not my cup of tea, and I enjoy scenes less when he is lurking in the corner.

Similar to how some people dislike Nesta because they have been hurt by someone like her, I have never liked Az because I’ve had someone in my real life pine after me like he did to Mor (read: super obvious, with no encouragement from me, in a way that made me feel guilty for not returning their feelings and everyone around us felt uncomfy/like they needed to buffer the situation)

I didn’t appreciate that he wasn’t a very good chaperone to Nesta. If the IC was going to force her into “rehab” they were obligated to protect her while she was there (including from Cassian). I accept that Az was busy spying on Briallyn, but even when he was around it seemed clear that he did not take his chaperoning very seriously.  

The hero complex. I get that this comes from his trauma and low self esteem – he doesn’t value his life as much as the lives of his family, but he also knows that they are all competent and strong, and trying to take on every risky task to keep them from darkness or danger is not practical, possible or fair.

The torturing people thing – yes it’s his job, and sometimes it’s justified like with the Attor. But torturing Eris’s soldiers was wrong especially because it was clear they were not in their right minds and Eris is an ally to their court. He also alludes to torturing people for information in the human queens’ castle. Yes, some of them may have been sympathetic to Briallyn’s cause, but how many were just humans working their 9 to 5? After Eris’s soldiers I don’t trust him to make ethical decisions about choosing his victims.

I’m uncomfortable with how easily he can invade the privacy of others with his shadowsinger gifts. We don’t have evidence that he abuses these gifts, but I don't completely trust him either. (see point 5, ethical decision making)

Most of my reasons for disliking Azriel actually have little to do with ships, but as he relates to Lucien: I don’t like how little respect he seems to have for Lucien and Elain’s bond while apparently wanting a mating bond himself. And his assertion that Lucien doesn’t deserve Elain despite being her mate, and despite the fact that Lucien has been nothing but polite and cooperative since arriving in the Night Court rubs me the wrong way.

And as for Elain: I think he will be yet another person in her life who is overly protective and coddling rather than someone who will empower and encourage her to grow (see point 4: hero complex) I also never got the impression that his feelings for her come from a place of genuine interest in Elain as a person. I cannot blame him for being interested in someone who is kind and beautiful, but I think that’s all she is to him. Elain is also extremely vulnerable and isolated at this point in her story and it seems like he is just pursuing her because she’s there and available (and per the bonus chapter he feels at least some amount of entitlement to her).

His temper is a red flag. Even Rhys admits that Az still sometimes scares the shit out of him. He could have ruined everything at the High Lord meeting by taking Eris’s bait, and he had to be called off by Feyre. It gave the same vibe as a child having to sit by the teacher because they can’t keep their hands to themselves.

Doesn’t want to write poetry. Not very romantic if you ask me. Doesn’t need to resort to it? Or doesn’t know how? Sounds like a skill issue.

[gaybae1021]

Kiki’s Rainbow Baby

Tw: Mentions of abortion and miscarriage

So I’ve had a lot of thoughts about motherhood in mcd. With Jess having a lot of kids, Aphmau the character ending up with 4 children by season 3, and Irene’s og title being “the Matron”, I think motherhood is a big theme in mcd. By itself that isn’t a bad thing, I love parental relationships, and the prevalence of adopted families is very wholesome. That being said, this theme of motherhood sometimes clashes with the actual content of the story. Specifically in regards to Travis’s mother, and Kiki.

Both of them ended up pregnant by absolutely despicable people, and at least for Kiki, came as a complete surprise. Despite this, the story can’t even fathom the idea that they wouldn’t want these children. They aren’t even allowed to have complicated feelings about it. I know abortion is a heavy topic that might’ve not have been appropriate for the age of the audience, but not only were the characters not offered a choice, another option just fully does not exist within the story. They are assumed to be baby-crazy, probably because that’s what Jess feels.

I’m going to largely focus on Kiki because Travis’s mom was never really much of a character, and my rewrite of her is still in progress. So here’s my thoughts about Kiki.

The amulet from the og mcd is the most terrifying thing I’ve seen outside of a horror movie. At least with sex people recognize that pregnancy is a risk. But Kiki was given a piece of jewelry, something she assumed was just a gift. And because of that simple act she experienced severe pregnancy symptoms had a child to take care of. As someone with a fear of getting pregnant this would absolutely cause me to have a complete mental breakdown. Because of this I’ve removed the amulet from the story entirely.

In my rewrite, Zane and Kiki just have a normal one-night stand. Zane is less of an outright evil monster in my version, but that being said, his fling with Kiki was still built entirely off of deception, disguising both his identity and appearance. So I still wanted Kiki to have a strong reason to keep the pregnancy.

Shoutout to jurygarroth’s trans Kiki comic, not only is it wholesome, I also think it’s an excellent explanation for why Kiki would be excited about being a mom separate from her feelings about Zane. I definitely wanted to do something along those lines. Though obviously without the amulet, trans Kiki isn’t an option for me, so I had to come up with something else.

So I imagine Kiki is one of the slightly older characters, around late twenties during season 1. After the events surrounding Donna and Logan’s wedding, Kiki started to feel off. After this feeling persisted for a few weeks she went to Zoey, who confirmed that she was pregnant. Despite the unfortunate circumstances surrounding it, after the initial shock Kiki was actually very happy about the news. However, as time went on Kiki began acting strangely. She isolated herself from her friends and brother. Her only significant interactions were her frequent check-ups with Zoey, with her growing more and more paranoid over every little thing.

Aph, growing increasingly concerned about Kiki, went to Brendan. He admitted that knew what was bothering Kiki, but also said it wasn’t his place to talk about it without her there. So Aph decided to pay Kiki a visit.

After some pushing, Kiki revealed that she was married when she was younger, but that marriage had fallen apart after a series of infertility issues and multiple miscarriages. Kiki had come to Phoenix Drop as a way to start over, a new place where she could focus on finding new things that made her happy, rather than hoping for something that just wasn’t meant to be. It’s why she got interested in animal care and handling. But even after finding her passion, it didn’t make her losses hurt any less.

Kiki had gotten into other romances while staying in Phoenix Drop, but always cut things off before they got too serious. To her, being alone was easier than risking more loss, both in terms of her lost children and her first partner’s rejection of her.

But now, she was pregnant again. And unlike the first times, she hadn’t even had to try. She took this as a sign, that if the pregnancy had come so easy then maybe this time, it would work. But she was so determined to not lose it that she was scared to do anything that might cause her physical or emotional stress. But of course, isolating herself with just her thoughts during this delicate time was only causing her harm.

Aph was, of course, heartbroken that Kiki had been going through this by herself. She eventually convinces Kiki to talk to Zoey about it, who gets Kiki to start going outside again. Kiki starts to open up to the rest of the village, and builds a good support system.

Leona was ultimately very premature, and had several complications. Zoey didn’t have much hope for Leona surviving beyond a few days, but Kiki was absolutely unwilling to accept that. The day after literally giving birth she took Leona to Bodolf’s tribe, in the hopes that turning Leona would give her the extra strength she needed. The turn was successful, and Leona’s health improved. Kiki finally got to see her child open their eyes.

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

This is a heavier ask so please ignore if you don't have the spoons or the desire to answer this. Also I hope you're doing well and having a good day and feeling happy and whole. I know I'm just a stranger on the Internet but you've been very helpful and sweet to my asks before, so I figured I'd try.

Momdad, can I have some gentleness? The best therapist I ever had just told me that she can't help me anymore and will refer me to someone else, but I feel so bad and broken and ashamed of my trauma and my mentally ill brain. I've been working a physical labor job so much, averaging 12-13 hour shifts, and I am so, so tired but I can't rest. I really want a hug but I have nobody around to help me.

oh, sweetie, i'm so sorry, that sounds really rough. i think you really deserve to just sit down for a minute and let yourself really know that this is an incredibly difficult situation and anyone would struggle underneath its weight.

i mean, if you grabbed anyone off the street and saddled them with this hard of a job and the fatigue it causes, the trauma you've been through, the mental illness you're dealing with, the loneliness and isolation, and then took away one of the few things that was helping keep them afloat, they'd have a really hard time with that, don't you think? i don't think it's feeling sorry for yourself to just let yourself acknowledge that life is really hard right now, and it's okay to struggle with something that's really hard. struggling in a really hard situation is not failure.

and you know what, if you need to cry about that, that is completely okay. if you need to rant to an imaginary person about every difficult thing you're facing, that's totally okay. it's taken me a long time to learn, but bottling it all up just doesn't help. you've gotta let the pressure out somehow.

the fact that you've made it this far tells me that you're really, really strong, but as someone who is also strong, i know how that can almost feel like a curse sometimes. because we shouldn't HAVE to be this strong, should we? we shouldn't have to carry loads so heavy that all we want to do is fall apart, but we know we can't, because we have to be strong. it fucking sucks.

it's so damn hard to internalize, but being weak isn't the end of the world. being tired, and sad, and damaged, and lonely, and sick, and wanting everything to be different... it doesn't make you less. it just makes you human. all of us are fucked up and flawed and broken, no matter how hard we pretend otherwise.

please give yourself as many little moments of weakness that you can, honey. give yourself crying, give yourself telling someone how you feel, give yourself something soft or funny or warm. give yourself not making things harder by telling yourself it shouldn't be this hard. it IS this hard, and no, somebody else wouldn't be handling it better. it really does suck this much, and you're doing the fucking best you can.

i really hope the new therapist will turn out to be really good for you, and i hope you get that hug from someone. i'm here, of course, but try to be gentle with yourself too, love. take care. <3

[monzterzack]

i wanted to add more to that previous post, but a lot of people nowadays dont get what being autistic is like

its like failing every single social interaction, so you learn to copy successful ones from tv or the internet

its having a fucked up understanding of social rules, fucked up in the sense that you don’t seem to understand them until you play them through in your mind over and over again and it finally sets why they make sense

like, dont get me wrong, maybe no one can relate to what im describing, maybe im the only one that relates; but i have to replay scenarios over and over inside my head and through characters and situations to be able to rationalize them outside of “it gives you a higher score in being a good person”

its also a barrier in linguistics, i make up so many words that only make sense to me, i combine words all the time, i used to fail to communicate what i meant, and i got in trouble or upsetted people all around because what i want to convey and what my mouth says are two different things

its also a huge barrier in empathy, i either feel every single emotions or im unnable to relate at all, which sometimes makes me seem like a sociopath

its having insane insomnia fits, making me unnable to sleep, having to work through most days with half my tank in energy

its having an eating disorder because eating makes me feel nice, and since i cant properly regulate my emotions by nature, i end up overeating and making myself sick

its being isolated from most of the world, because you feel like no one gets you, and that you are so fundamentally weird that no one will ever get you

its so much more than just having strong interest!! its so much more complicated!!!

but yeah, i think social media has made it into just a flanderized version of what the experience truly is that most teens cannot differentiate it

and i get the why, society nowadays punishes you brutally for being weird, UNLESS you have a “get out of jail” card

so i do understand why people fixate so much in being diagnosed, because sometimes you might think that having a reason for your weird abnormal behavior will be enough to just indulge in it, without any guilt

let me tell you, it isn’t like that

i didnt asked to be diagnosed, i got refered by my psych after multiple sessions and my meds not working as intended

having the answer as to why im the way i am didn’t fix anything, because at the end of the day you have to find a way to fit inside society or endure eternal loneliness, you cannot force others to let you into their lives just cause you have a disorder

you will always need to be a social person if you want people to socialize with you

sometimes being weird is nice and you should indulge in it as long as you dont hurt anyone else or yourself!! you dont need an excuse, you just need to be strong enough to be weird for the sake of being weird!

im not saying to not get a diagnosis, you should get one if you feel the ACOMODATIONS will benefit you more than the drawbacks of having a diagnosis

i just think we should allow people to not be shamed for just being weird, because then obviously they will hang to anything that might be a useful way to defend themselves from cruelty, be it a diagnosis or something else

anyway, those were just my two cents