#maybe its the thought that theyd all be better without me

[earth-to-ezra]

another tag vent because ugh feelings

[emulation-0]

its so odd thinking back to my life a few years ago compared to now

[moonlit-dreamers]

Name all your favourite TSAMS ships

fuuucckk dude

this is like asking someone which pet is their favorite you cant do this to me man ;-;

but i might as well talk about some specific ships that ive been rotating around in my brain more recently tho fair warning that a lot of these will have more abusive themes (tho i'll try to be as brief as possible since i dont want this post to go on forever lol)

off to a great start with sunvant/lord eclipse. ik a lot of ppl like to make them fluffy but they got so much toxic potential. like idk man. the power imbalance + lord eclipse being both physically and emotionally abusive is some good shit. sunvant is absolutely and purely devoted to him. nothing eclipse could do would change that. every punishment is a lesson. every reward is a blessing. every command is a job he does happily. yes, hes absolutely terrified of his lord, but isnt everyone? isnt everyone meant to be scared of their god? if he isnt scared then is he really appreciating his lords true beauty and raw power? idk man. some good shit right there

the obvious sun/eclipse. i can never escape them in any form. main dimension sun/eclipse, dark sun/eclipse, sunbeam (eaps sun)/eclipse, sunvant/eclipse. all of the above pls. but if we're going with MAIN dimension suneclipse their relationship could be sooo many things. (which is y i like the ship so much bc its so versatile!) it could be a fixer-upper, abusive, friends/enemies with benefits, you name it. anything and everything is possible with these 2 bitches and its wonderful

sun/solar is actually the first thing i shipped. even BEFORE sun/eclipse. shocking, ik, but i felt like they had sooooo much potential THAT NOBODY FUCKING SAW. like- an emotionally broken down mechanic who feels guilty over the death of his own sun and an anxious mess that just wants to make things better. how could it be any more perfect??? solar coping over his suns death with sun by accepting that hes gone but at least he has another to love and he wont be empty forever. AUGH

solar/eclipse. im fucking rabid over these 2. like idk man. i feel like theyd be so weird about potentially liking someone whos like a distorted reflection of themself. projecting their own self loathing onto each other then realizing just how similar they actually are and how it.. might actually not be that bad. then learning to love themselves by loving the flaws of the other and accepting who they are now. idk man. this is just wholesome thoughts tho dont think for a second i dont have toxic thoughts about them lol

sun/solar/eclipse (are you noticing a pattern yet?) is THE polycule. idc what you say, theyre all kissing each other. fuck you (/silly)

this is for my own au becuzzzz i wont let go of a chance to talk about them :3 we got sunshine(sunvant)/solstice(eclipse) and they are an absolute WRECK. theyre both fucked over by their past and the beginnings of their relationship is so rocky bc sunshine doesnt trust anyone + doesnt understand nor believe he deserves affection (hes also constantly wanting to go back to lord eclipse). meanwhile solstice doesnt even see sunshine as a person and rather as a project to work on (and also an opportunity to maybe better himself. maybe if he can help someone then that means he can be a better person). solar comes in later and while i havent Completely thought about their dynamics i will say that both solar and solstice are very overprotective of sunshine. they both constantly butt heads bc they both want to protect him while sunshine just sits in a corner head in hands trying to figure out how to get them to stop without having his own panic attack (they get better tho dw <3)

anyway uhhhhh i think thats all for now lol

have fun with this info ig

[prisonguards]

I am sending this ask because I need something to distract me while I am out of internet so feel free to ignore, or delete this. So hi! It's the person who mentioned the smallidarity life series partners thing and I am being pushy by just saying it now LOL

I think if they teamed up for a series, it would start with them finding each other and Jimmy wanting to team. Joel would light heartedly half joke about how he'll do it but only to show he's clearly the Superior player in the series bc he will be the first to MAKE SURE Jimmy doesn't die first as his partner.

They'd build a base together and Jimmy would be dragged into conflict after conflict because Joel likes to cause problems but Joel will come running to help him if HE causes problems too even if he's "late" (he was there as soon as Jimmy called) and complains about needing to save Jimmy from himself afterwards.

They are both loyal, but I think Jimmy is more loyal in the sense that I don't think he'd be capable of betraying Joel or hurting him in a way that matters while I can imagine Joel choosing to betray Jimmy but ONLY if it will garuntee him a win or at the very least something as valuable as a life when he needs it. [Joel is attached though. No matter what, he'd be so very attached despite his best efforts not to be.]

Jimmy dies first. I know Joel was the reason for at least one of Jimmy's deaths. Whether he lost his final life because of himself or because of Joel doesn't matter. Joel will be upset either way, and he will kill whoever caused Jimmy's death directly. And if he did it to himself, then he will kill whoever took any of Jimmy's other lives as revenge. He'd be a lone wolf for the rest of the series and while he may make an alliance of obligation with other reds or other non reds, he will never be loyal or attached to them like he was Jimmy.

Every episode he does without Jimmy will be spent making jokes about him while also simultaneously missing him and admitting to it on the very rare occassions. I don't think Joel would win but if he did, it'd be bittersweet I think. He won, he's happy, he kills himself to join his little buddy in the afterlife.

OH PLEAAASEEE. my internet was. SO BAD when I got your ask and I prommy I tried to answer it SUPER enthusiastically but it got eaten. twice. because of the bad data and then I forgot to answer it when I had better connection cause Im so scatterbrained. AND THEN I got back from vacation and got swamped with work and couldnt finish replying but seriously I could nawt want anything more. Life Series Smallidarity is my evvvveeeerything they mean. SO SO SO fucking much to me. you and your thoughts are ALWAYS ALWAAYYYYYSS so so so fucking welcome here in my inbox. PLEASE.... I adore them

ALLLLLL OF THIS IS SO GOOD AND SOOO REAL. you know them Perfectly. this all feels so so real. I need this more than anythiiing next season. I really do. I just MMMMNNGNMMMNG. you got them so perfect Im gonna SOB. I think they would meet eachother First again too. Like Joel is the first player Jimmy sees all season, and yup. they do their whole spiel where Jimmy asks something of Joel but this time Joel accepts it— its only to prove hes so much better than everyone else, than Scott and Tango and the whole goddamn Southlands because hes the fucking best and hell keep Jimmy by his side and alive when they couldnt.

They really would cause. soooo many problems. Joel is. Always so annoying (endearing) and so fighty and shitty and when Jimmy gets a little touch of confidence and ego hes SUCH a shithead too. theyd talk their way into a lot of problems theyd have to fight (or cowardly scurry) their way out of.

dunno if this is as realistic/in character but thinking abt Joel being the first red name again, or an early one. through either his own overconfident idiocy or. even. semi on purpose so he can be a violent mess. but they ignore the red rules and him and Jimmy stay allied. maybe Joel claims he keeps attacking Jimmy and trying to chase him off, but its not working. Jimmys too stupid (read; too loyal) to keep his distance. just the vibes of that 3rd Life era red x yellow/green allyship combined with Joels insane longevity and threat level as a red name in Last Life.

anon. anon I am speaking directly into your ear you have no idea how insane Joel post Jimmy death makes me. Joel expressing his loss and mourning through vengeance even if its (at least partially) his fault OOOOOOOHHHH. OOOOH OH. you get HIM and you get ME. the joking about him in his absence intercut with genuine care and missing him. when he does that it drives me CRAZY it would be even more batshittttt if they were direct allies

HE WON... HES HAPPY... HE KILLS HIMSELF TO JOIN HIS LITTLE BUDDY IN THE AFTERLIFE.... ANON YOU BROKE MY FUCKING HEARTTTTT. I think a Jimmy first dead and a Joel win while theyre allied would be INSANITY it would be PEAK thematic yumminess. especially with Joel being responsible for taking one of Jimmys lives. oooooh you have to sacrifice what means the most to you to win. this is a cruel fucking game and only loss and sacrifice and loneliness wins it for you.

anon you have made me do something drastic. help.

HELP

(I have started a traffic smallidarity PMV)

anyway silliness aside youve really got to the heart of why they would be suuuch a powerful and heart wrenching team and why I love traffic smallidarity so much. all of this is so real and canon feeling because so much of it has. happened before. even with them being only loose allies and there being. so little content technically. theres just so much potential there and if they were teamed it would be amped up even more and absolutely destroy me. anon I have been rotating everything you said and the traffic smallidarity possibilities in general in my head since I got this, youve really made my week (SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG I HATE BEING BUSY,,,,) and you really have such an excellent read on themmm, this is why traffic smallidarity is still my fav and what got me crazy abt them. augh. me when theres Them.

[loversgothic]

i hadn't thought about the way v1 and v2 dance in my silly ultradanse au until someone commented on v1 being unable to do a pirhoutte (since i drew them falling splat on their face) and i think thats quite a silly thing i hadnt though about!! (thank you by the way for the comment ^u^)

forgive me if this makes no sense

i like to think v1 dances with more power in their step but nearly entirely without elegance, compared to v2 who has a decent balance between grace and strength, this being mostly because of what theyre both focused on. their focus would be beating their opponent at all costs, and i think their dancing would be almost more vicious. v2 is supposed to be the "better of the two" and would perhaps take more care in their movement... they at first, may not try as hard to match v1s energy, holding confidence. this would probably change in the 2nd encounter though, where theyd pull out all the stops :3

perhaps, if v1 were to later on slow down and maybe "enjoy" their dancing, would it become more graceful. its not because of a lack of ability!! i think they would fall on their face though. a lot. maybe on purpose.

[abyssal-system]

It's late and we can't sleep so I thought I might as well use this blog for its actual intended purpose for once (a diary), so this post might be a little all over the place. im sort of stream-of-consciousness'ing this.

block the tag "#personal" if you dont want to see (potentially sad) personal ramblings / posts from us. be safe, curate your dash, i understand.

things have been very quiet system-wise lately. i think we have a new(?) alter but I'm not sure How new or why they split. I'm not even really sure if its not my imagination tricking me into mistaking an already established headmate as a new split...

i've been thinking about them for a little bit. They seem to go by Hadal (though thats also just a catch-all name for the system when we dont know whos fronting) and i have a sneaking suspicion that they've posted on this blog before.

I havent been dissociating as much lately which is good but ive also not been switching at all which is... not a bad thing really, i guess, but it certainly doesnt help ease my fears of Being A Faker.

i know that systems have quiet periods, and i know that me being frontstuck and also unwilling to change that (fear of loss of control is a pain) so thats probably the reason why, but its still unnerving being the only one around.

ive also been thinking about the logistics of getting a diagnosis... I have a lot of fears about the medical system and abuse within it, particularly being stuck in a mental health facility against my will with no way out. its prevented me from coming out as a system to my parents (who... I feel like theyd understand. not Understand, but im not in any danger if they know. i just worry itll change our relationship in some way, like they wont think im Me anymore) and its prevented me from seeking treatment and understanding of my disorder.

the online system community is also rife with toxicity and misinformation and i do not whatsoever feel safe interacting with people who seem to snap at others without warning, so I dont have many system friends out of fear of reliving past friend group drama

I imagine that the feeling of total isolation I feel is common among other systems, but it doesn't really help to know that. my near-debilitating anxiety controls every part of my life and prevents me from seeking help when i otherwise would have.

it also doesnt really help that the one time i tried to find a dissociation specialist, the only one i could find that said they were queer friendly was 4 hours away in another state.

... i might look again. I might just tell my parents so they can help me look for a therapist.

I worry about that though. I worry that since my plurality doesnt really impact my life all that much (i dont switch very often, I dont have amnesia barriers, and i dont lose control of my body fully when i switch out) that either means Im Faking or Its Not Bad Enough To Worry My Parents Over. Its Not Bad Enough To Drive Across The State To See A Therapist For It when i have a perfectly decent one less than 30 minutes away

... i dont know. it feels like i have all the pieces to get the ball rolling on ... Something? but im not really sure if its worth it. we barely have enough money to keep the pantry full for a week, let alone to switch therapists and drive for hours just so i can Maybe get coping mechanisms or something.

.... I dont really know how to end this. i hope this wasnt too negative for this blog, i know i try to focus on positivity and lighthearted subjects.

please be kind in the notes. there is a (very scared) person behind the screen and I am trying to be better about opening up about my worries. kind advice is always welcome though! if it doesnt help me it could potentially help somebody else.

[avesrinapproved]

Ive been thinking about ai (specifically ones that recreate voices) and how much it sucks that we cant use it, cause imagine fan animations being able to make diolog for their stuff and have it actually sound like the character, or other small animations and shit, that would be so awesome! But using someones voice without their consent sucks, and using it without paying them sucks more, and it all is just very shady and i hate it cause it could be a great tool for creatives and it got me thinking of a way you could maybe use it more ethically.

what if there was a website that had ads that voice actors could like upload their characters too (basically saying yeah you can use my voice for ai) and it would have a no commercial use policy thing on it. And theyd get paid for each sale and some ad revenue too.

That would make the whole thing better cause the actors would be getting paid and it would be consensual, but it would be lower quality (cause ai doesnt have range) and not take up time so they wouldnt have to charge as much. Plus sence they dont actually have to voice the character it could be a nice like side revenue that they could still do while having real voice acting jobs.

I was thinking it would be like a $5 charge for a day of use or less so a small project could get its lines done easy but you cant just buy it once then use their voice for all your projects. And they could list multiple characters so each character would be $5 per day, i think it could work if i put more thought into it haha

[xsaintseraphx]

as an aromantic person, what is your process for getting over an ex? for non-aro people the issue is usually breaking the romantic connection and letting go of the love once held for the person

i dont really have a process. its still a process. most of the time i was confused and sad because they didnt want to have any form of connection. even just being friends.

with my ex we were best friends for years before being together and when we did get together it was agreed that it would stay the same but just with the label of 'partner'. which for me was like heck yeah stay best friends just with the label was fine for me. but it didnt turn out that way. i never let go of the love i had and still have for them. i was never in love though. i guess thats where the miscommunication was. i just thought that since we were best friends before maybe we can still be friends after. but apparently it doesnt work that way. which is why it made me sad about the whole situation.

so i guess my process is sort of the process/stages of grief. with time the grief gets smaller... i always waited for that one day that theyd talk to me again. i was never mad at them i was mad at myself really. idk i just thought that theyd be better off without me because i couldnt give what they wanted. i drew a lot of my grief in comics and poetry zines which sort of helped me process what i was going through. idk i was confused the whole time why would someone that you were best friends want to cut all ties when you had been friends longer than you had been a couple.

idk i guess im still not over it in a way. they were my only friend and the only one i trusted, they helped me through a lot but i couldnt be the person they wanted. and they are doing better without me. which is okay. thats all i ever wanted. was for them to be happy with or without me.

[r0mantic-h0micide]

i just wish i would die. i like living. i do. but i wish i would die. i wish that people could see how much im hurting. i wish they would care.

i just want it to be over. i have to live for god knows how long, loving just to be hurt by those i give it to.

i thought i met my match. i did. part of me still thinks i still did. the stupid part who loves to love. but i dont know that i really have one.

maybe its just better to kind of start keeping people at arms length. i just need to distance myself. maybe then people would miss me. maybe they wouldnt notice. maybe they wouldnt care.

yes, i wish i would die. if only i could see how long it would take people to notice. maybe i'll finally do it. i told katey i deleted my social media. it would take them until monday, i think. or before then, i guess, if my body smells bad. i wonder how long it takes for a corpse to start smelling of rot.

it would be nice to not feel this pain anymore. it would be nice to not have to keep living in a world where i know i would never be loved the way i love.

theyd be okay without me, hm? maybe cry a little, maybe be in shock at first. and all i would be is a small little blip in their life. the world would keep turning without me. and theyd all move on. and maybe even some would be better off. its not like im a good person. im mean and hateful and bitchy. im a brat and a narcissist. jake would find a new girlfriend. katey would find a new best friend. my family has each other to lean on.

i hope they have lilies at my funeral. tiger lilies. i doubt anyone remembers thats my favorite flower. and i wonder what music theyd play? probably all happy shit that i listen to. i dont think anyone knows me. not really. theyd never understand how much i was hurting. even if i killed myself.

i hope my urn is beautiful. the way i wished i was. elegant and fragile. everything im not.

who would come? i dont have very many friends. i dont think there would be a lot of people who would be sad i was gone. honestly. i dont think anyone would be. like realistically. i dont wanna undersell myself, but i cant picture anyone caring that much. not even enough to cry.

do you think anyone even has pictures of me saved to put in a slide show? or would they all have to come from my own facebook?

i dont know anymore. im tired of being let down. im tired of people not caring. and im tired of trying to make them when i know they wont. thats all

[translucio]

initial thoughts

cassandra reading varrics memoir at the end of trespasser was soooo good i love her sm

despite the game having been out for 9 years and being spoiled on most major things there were still some things i never got spoiled about. wild

not knowing exactly how some quest chains and major story decisions work, and not having been spoiled on them, actually turned out to be bad for me. some things happened that i didn't know were possible and would have avoided, but by the time they happened, the events that caused them were already like 20+ hrs of gameplay back. which is frustrating. these were things i really had no way of knowing would happen without looking it up far in advance. im the type of player who saves religiously in case i need to go back a little ways to fix things, but im not willing to go that far back

the war table....... is a mechanic. UX/game feel good. systems bad. the experience of going to the table, getting all your advisors together, studying the map, choosing which method to deal with different events, the diegetic menu - great! having to Wait Real Time to unlock content, and not knowing which content is important, and the sheer quantity of dumb operations that just crowd the map - bad. annoying. the reason i failed to do all the personal quests even though i wanted to and thought i had

this game was a poor attempt at open-ish world. it did not need to be this long or big. long load times and slow transitions were of course hardware limitations, but they are just painful, and could have been avoided if theyd made different design decisions. horseriding kinda feels like ass. most of the activities that populate the maps are pointless bloat to keep you there longer and get more mileage out of areas youve already moved through. of course this was 2014 and we have to try things to learn how to do them well but there were a lot of mistakes here.... lets do better guys

romanced dorian. wish you could be poly in this game cause i am not spending any more time in it but i did wanna see josephines romance...

i know shes kind of popularly disliked in the fandom and i saw a post a while ago saying shes really not that bad and people are just racist or misogynistic or whatever. but having finished the game now. i do not like vivienne. she pissed me off really bad and i wanted to kick her out but couldnt. and i never want to kick out companions in games

sera also irritated me but in her case i feel like its just cause some of her writing is not the best lol

i hate to say it as i was a certified cullen hater for the longest time. but you know what. he got better and i like how his arc went / how hes developed across the games. cullen girlies i understand you now. will you forgive me

and to be honest. yes solas is a bastard but hes not that bad.... maybe its because ive been desensitized by having been spoiled long ago but i think hes fine as a character/villain reveal. im not mad. he is not sexy though yall need help. that is an egg.

overall plot writing..... meh. the stuff they did with elves and elf gods and all is a bit convoluted, and ofc the whole mage templar war thing was so messy and uncomfortably centrist. and they really just continue to present qunari in A Way. really hope they do better next game

[duskrelyk]

.

[confusedsiewmai]

-

[shoezuki]

piglin techno confusing the fuck out of ranboo hcs

i jus be doin some shit sometimes n then my brain is like ‘hey think a this’ and i been tryin to type this out but my internet is so bad rn i couldnt even Open a new post what the fuck. anywayss. this ran so long. so fucking long

started with ‘i wonder how piglins act’ and now technoblade is doin some shit, ranboo is so confused, and philza is a delighted bystander who is having the time of his life

technoblade is 100% piglin. many people think he’s part human to some degree but hes Completely and Utterly piglin

most assume as much since he doesnt begin to rot in the overworld. but short answer; he’s Built Different

long answer is a blessing of the bloodgod but shhhhhh

techno never corrects anyone or talks about being piglin or Anything. he just doesnt care what other people think and assume. the only one who Knows is phil

phil had first thought it was out of some sort of shame or desire to Hide it but. yeah. no. techno jus doesnt care. build; different

although more Notable piglin traits come to like if he’s close to people

piglins are both social and anti social. kinda. they can be hugely independent, do well without ‘proper’ socialization for a Long while. but they group together for Lifetimes. once piglins find a family or friends and expend Full trust to them. its all or nothing you Cant break them up

how tommy betrayed and turned his back on techno just. its like a physical pain. once he trusted and respected him, the mere Idea of betrayal was nowhere in question. it never occurred to him

philza is now the only person that techno consciously and subconsciously considers him a part of his ‘pack’ (i cant figure out a better term but that one doesnt Fit)

techno never realizes when he acts piglin traits out towards those he trusts. he never does so in company outside of what he considers family. philza notices though.

phil tends to study and research other races and cultures a lot. he’s been around a long while, has met many people of all different backgrounds. he likes knowing and understanding what he can. its just fun too.

it mostly started when he first met techno because he wanted to figure out what the FUCK techno was doing without asking and therefore embarrassing him

but phil knows techno well. and he knows piglins well enough. and he Knows techno doesnt ever seem to be self aware of his more inhuman habits

but Phil knows. and he Notices when techno starts to consider ranboo a part of the pack

First, it’s gifts.

surprisingly, its ranboo giving techno the axe first

he wasnt there to see it. but phil might as well have been present, considering how Horrifically in depth techno ‘ranted’ to him bout it

but techno reciprocates it and Then he really starts to notice more and more

first, it was giving the enchanted apple to ranboo. sure it Technically had been swiped by techno out from under ranboo but it was still Something. techno wasnt one to give up valuables easily

then techno starts ‘complaining’ about ranboos living area. and his eating habits. phil looks away when techno smuggles golden carrots into ranboo’s shack 

eventually technoblade is crafting ranboo a cloak to match their own and he’s freaking out about ranboo’s height and his dimensions and how much cloth he’ll need but he refuses to ask ranboo and phil is holding his head in his hands

(phil forces techno to gift him the cloak in person rather than stash it under his pillow and run like he’d planned. techno bitched about it but after ranboo practically lit up, burying himself in the cloak and thanking techno so hard his throat mustve hurt, techno was so practically purring the rest of the day)

after gifts, its noises. 

techno is seemingly silent. he doesnt speak up much, moves so quietly people tend to jump when he appears. 

in reality, he talks to himself constantly. either when alone or when in phil’s company. philza knows that aspect is the ‘voices’, and also just technoblade’s tendency to fill the silence and wonder his own thoughts aloud

but the snorts, squeels, grumbles, and other sounds he makes without realizing are some phil knows are piglin

its often guttural, a noise he makes in the back of his throat that rumbles and reverberates through his bones. 

itd sound terrifying to anyone, but after years of techno trilling deep when phil enters a room, when he returns from some sort of journey, when he says hello or makes his presence known in anyway, phil realized its more like a greeting. excitement to see him. it became something sweet

long story short ranboo nearly jumped so high his head went through the ceiling when he’d first walked into the home, said hello, and some gruff purr sounded from the techno’s chest

theyd both jumped so hard, stared at each other as if they were trying to figure out what was wrong with the other 

phil was physically pained as he held back his laughter to the point he was crying. that changed the subject to him quickly

it didnt happen again for a while, but phil didnt say anything and just watched. it was too entertaining

techno would make his small squeals between breaths when he remembered something, muttered to himself, snorted and huffed even as ranboo was around

ranboo got used to it. he stopped jumping or even looking confused when techno trilled some sort of deep purr when ranboo would join them for dinner

lastly, techno was tactile

or, as tactile as he could be. techno wasnt touchy even on a great day. he was selective, reserved, would lean into phil or loop an arm over his shoulders but would never say anything about it

phil didnt question it and would just pat techno on the arm without saying a word

but. sometimes. when phil would be gone for a long time, techno would rest the entire weight of his head on phil’s shoulder, practically encapturing him, rumbling and grumbling so harsh it shook phil’s whole body

phil still wasnt certain on this one. he couldnt find much in the way of what it meant. piglin’s tended to stay with their own, and they never reunited after long periods of time because they never would dare to separate for long

 he was kind of guessing here, but the way techno would drop his shoulders and practically melt made phil think he was just missing him and wanted to confirm phil’s presence. 

it wasnt like he complained. it was sweet

ranboo had been gone a while. he was vague on why, or where. phil had a suspicion or two but ranboo kept a lot of secrets

neither techno or phil pried too far, but phil could tell it was disconcerting to techno. he was tense and kept himself almost deathly busy for two weeks

(piglin rarely if ever kept secrets from one another, phil had read once. omitting a few things here and there, maybe. but lying or deception was out of the question)

phil hadn’t been there when ranboo returned. he’d been gathering firewood after techno was insistent they completely top up all of ranboo’s stores

he’d heard the muffled growls techno made as he walked towards ranboos shack, before even seeing him. 

when phil found them techno had ranboo nearly completely obscured in his cape, and definitely he’d have been out of sight if he was any shorter. 

techno’s head was lofted heavy in the crook of ranboo’s neck, forcing ranboo to hunch with arms wrapped tight around ranboo. his arms were pinned. 

ranboo caught his eyes, looking so scattered and tired and confused and maybe even terrified. he might have spoken or maybe he just mouthed ‘help me’ but the gruff purr-like sound techno made was too loud to hear him anyways

philza shoved his fist in his mouth to keep from laughing

later that night ranboo asked phil if techno was going to kill him. phil wanted to scream

even later then, techno had admitted to phil that, yeah, okay, maybe ranboo was growing on him. phil had never felt so violent

[titsuya]

i was reading your newest work on hq boys moans, and i saw you said you have a list of the horsecocks of haikyuu. would you mind sharing said list? i’m kinda (i mean very) curious 🤍

hey angel ! i’m so glad you asked :D

warning: dick talk <3, mentions of breeding and creampies and cum eating and just cum in general, u might think im on crack while reading this

my top 10 biggest dicks of HQ going from big to bigger to biggest to LITERAL HORSECOCK (with my very good reasoning):

big dick energy plays into this a lot

coming in at TENTH, we have:

OIKAWA TOORU big

reason: he has big pretty dick energy. it’s kinda skinny but i hc it to be fucking LONG !!! literally look at his fingers ?? they’re huge 😩 tooru’s pretty dick is long enough to give ur cervix some soft kisses <3

in NINTH place:

KUROO TETSURO big

reason: something about him gives off big dick energy. maybe its the way he could probably recite the periodic table, but it’s big. like average girth, but his is long too AND slightly angled and hits the g spot v well. and it’s lowkey kinda pretty too <333 he just knows what he’s doing ++ timeskip him is hot as fuck, literally has a sir & daddy kink bc of his job

SEVENTH and EIGHTH are tied:

SAKUSA KIYOOMI & MIYA ATSUMU bigger

reason: THE ONLY REASON IS BECAUSE THIS IS MY PERFECT TAG TEAM LIKE I WANT TO GET RAILED BY BOTH OF THEM AT THE SAME TIME AND THEYRE PRETTY COMPETITIVE ME THINKS SO I FEEL LIKE THEYD BOTH JUST BE THE SAME SIZE.. HHHHHH SAKUSA HAS PRETTY DICK & HIS CUM TASTES BETTER BUT TSUMU HAS PRETTY BALLS AND NICE VEINS AND HIS CUM IS THICK SO IT FEELS RLLY GOOD WHEN HE CUMS IN U <//////33333

SIXTH prize winner:

MIYA OSAMU bigger

reason: we all know that samu’s is like half an inch bigger than tsumu’s. but this man has fucking breeder balls that are just… so heavy. he also cums a lot. like A LOT. just loves to fucking drain them using your pussy. big tits, big man, man big dick. very thick, very nice. very much has a #breeding kink too. just thought i should throw that out there.

FIFTH place— honorable mention #2:

oh my god. oh fuck oh my god

IWAIZUMI HAJIME biggest

reason: daddy . you guys know what i mean, i literally have no words. fat cock, above average girth and length. just above average. holy fucking shit he’s so hot i cant even think about him without wanting to cream my pants.

FOURTH place— honorable mention #1:

BOKUTO KOUTAROU biggest

reason: ok, u might think that he should be in the top three, but kou’s SO CLOSE ! like dude his cock is really, really, REALLY fat. me thinks he has the girthiest of all my bby boys. it’s just not as long! no, but actually, my top 5 boys could probably make you cum just by putting their dick in you. BOKUTO ESPECIALLY THO ! also mans can last at least 3 rounds so you better believe he’s gonna fuck you good with his big cock

THIRD is the one with the hairy chest: grade school rhymes im sorry

SUNA FUCKING RINTARŌ horsecock <3

reason: guys i’m not biased, i swear ! think about time skip, pro volleyball player suna rintarō. my god that man. you might say “oh, hes so skinny—“ literally stfu im not arguing this. suna has a horsecock, too. prettiest fucking dick ever. tip always flushed red, prominent veins u can run your tongue over, feels really big in ur hands. my god rintarō split me in half rn.

taking the silver medal at SECOND place:

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI horsecockkkkk <33

reason: man. look at him. you dont need to show anyone his dick, you already know it’s literally huge. you’d probably break in half. he literally has to prep you to the max to take him. almost took first place tbh !

AND AT THE NUMBER ONE SPOT, WE HAVE THE ONE, THE ONLY:

MATSUKAWA ISSEI (everyone cheered) HORSE COCKKKKKKK <333333333

reason: y’all can argue everything else, but this ? im not taking criticism. THIS MF RIGHT HERE HAS THE BIGGEST FUCKING HORSECOCK ? LIKE I WISH I COULD EXPLAIN ???? it’s FAT ! IT HURTS HE CAN BARLEY GET IT IN. like guys. im screaming and crying. its veiny, girthy, long just BIG… omg my heart hurts. he has a size kink <//3

[thinger-strang]

okay okay centerfold au (like....the song by the j geils band) where billy mas moved out and away from hawkins (he hasnt quite made it to california yet, hes not ready) and hes starting to let himself be gay and think gay thoughts and ya know indulge himself every so often

which obviously means he picks up a magazine from the back corner of the corner store he frequents

he does for something a little tamer, maybe throws in a few playboys just because hes nervous (which doesnt even matter because the cashier doesnt even spare the covers a glance once scanned)

gets home and eagerly flips through it, feeling excited that he can have gay porn out in the open in his living room without fearing for his life

hes mostly just idly looking through it, folding down a few corners of pages he'll revisit when hes in the mood, just kinda reveling in the freedom of it

until

he flips to the centerfold, the showcase, the main event and it's–

"steve?"

billy fucking drops the entire magazine, it lays open, teasing billy with those big brown eyes and tantalizing moles

its a good shot honestly, pretty tasteful, definitely not modest, but billy can appreciate the artful quality

of course not in this moment, in this moment billy is panicking?

who the hell told steve harrington he was allowed to do that?

billy finds himself staring at the photo; steve as the centerpiece, draped across several laps, being groped by way too many hands for billy's liking, steve's got a half hard cock in one hand, the other possessively wrapped around the thigh of a man standing next to him, everyone's sweaty and there's splatters of something all over everyone, and there's hard and soft dicks and muscular legs and soft bellies and flexing muscles but only one face

steve stares at the camera–at billy–with an enticing stare that seems to ask "what are you waiting for?" and the barest hint of a tongue pokes out–

billy cant look away but wants to tear his gaze away to anything else, he wants to memorize the page, he wants to burn it, he wants to frame it, he wishes it never existed, he wants to be in that room

billy thought he was over this silly crush on straight boy steve but heres he is, gripping another man's cock, letting another man's cock rest on his leg, letting other men hold him and touch him

it might be fine if billy hadn't seen steve in years, hadn't seen steve since he left that fucking hellhole behind but no, no!

steve harrington, the man who happened to be the centerfold of the one single gay magazine billy happened to pick up, was his upstairs neighbor

///

billy stares at the ground as he stops to get his mail, hoping, praying, that he'll be lucky and not run into anyone on his way home

prayers not answered

"hey billy, i haven't seen you in a while, you doin' okay?" steve asks cheerfully as he wiggles his own mailbox open.

"yup, doing just fine, thanks for asking" billy slams his box shut and hurries to the elevator without running and jabs the close door button a hundred million times

"woah hang on, hold the door!" steve calls after him, juggling his mail and his groceries that billy somehow didn't notice

steve makes it

fuck

steve's blabbering on about.... something, billy can't hear a word he's saying, he focusing on thinking about anything other than–

sweaty

magazine

dick

nude

moles

dick

dick

dick

billy is begging for any thought, anything, to cross his mind, anything but that stupid centerfold

"hey are you sure you're okay?" steve asks in a far too nice voice

"i told you i'm fine, please just leave me alone?" billy grits out

"i thought we were past all that" steve says in a sad voice

billy sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose

"we are, i'm just having an off day, got this killer headache ya know?" he lies through his teeth

"oh okay, gotcha, i'll be quiet" steve mimes zipping up his mouth

why is that worse why is that hot?

it's billy's floor and he can't get into his apartment fast enough

pulls out his dick and jerks it a few times before cumming right there in his kitchen floor

///

things don't get better

at all

billy avoids steve like the plague, which it wasn't like hung out on the regular, but theyd chit chat in the elevator or say hi when passing each other

so it was just awkward when billy would see steve in the hallway and immediately turn the other way

so it's not that surprising to wake up on a saturday morning to angry pounding on his door

"i'm coming, i'm coming, hold your fucking horses" billy grumbles as he pulls on a shirt and walks to the door

yanks it open to find a grumpy steve with his hands on his hips

"what gives hargrove? you said we were fine yet avoid me any time we so much as make eye contact? did i do something?"

billy has not had enough sleep to handle this conversation

"no you didn't do anything, it's kinda hard to explain just–" billy opens up his door to invite steve in

steve shoulders past billy and plops onto the couch

"coffee?" billy asks as he rubs his eyes

"im good" steve bites out

great

billy rolls his eyes and gets busy making himself a pot, trying to figure out how to say this, what to even say that would make this remotely okay

"oh my god" steve gasps

"what?" billy groans

he turns around and sees steve holding the magazine, clutching it really, something close to horror drawn all over his face

billy left it out on the coffee table as some sort of sick twisted 'fuck you' to neil

"shit shit SHIT i can explain–"

"no no i get it, um... i think i'm going to go, just... yeah i'm sorry i'll just–"

and with that steve was gone

///

this is worse, so so so very much worse

they either need to talk about it or billy needs to fucking find a new apartment

billy comes home after a long day at work to find steve knocking at his door

"hey–"

"jesus christ you scared me!" steve jumps into the wall

"sorry i kinda... snuck up on you, what are you doing at my door?" billy adjusts his backpack

"i, um... i wanted to explain? or talk? i get why you were avoiding me, i honestly forgot that came out this month" steve is twelve shades of the prettiest blush billy has ever seen

"hang on, let's go inside, i don't really wanna talk about this in the hallway"

steve's shoulders relax and he pressed himself into the wall to let billy open his door

steve sits awkwardly on the couch as billy hang up his bag and jacket and starts taking off his boots

"i... don't really know where to start" steve chews on his bottom lip and fidgits with his fingers

"i'm gay" billy blurts out

"what?" steve laughs

"i mean, i have a gay porn magazine, you're all nervous, i figured i'd break the ice?" billy shrugs

steve laughs and looks ten times lighter

"those pictures are older, i did them to help pay some bills while i was inbetween jobs, it was for a smaller thing, a blog or something, i dunno, it payed good so i said yes, i was desperate"

steve tuns his hands through his hair and breathes

"the guy who took the pictures asked if i'd be okay with him selling them to a bigger magazine, he said i'd get half the profits so i said yes"

steve shrugs and looks out the window

"so you just... did it for the money?" billy asks

"yes and no, i'm gay–well not gay, i'm bi but i'm... into dudes and all that, but mostly just to pay the bills"

steve finally meets billy's gaze with an almost scared look but more of a 'what are you gunna do about it' look

a lot like the one in the magazine

"that's cool, pretty brave too" billy says casually and leans back into his chair

"yeah... i'm kinda scared my job is going to find out that my dick is all over a magazine" steve laughs nervously

"you'll be fine, if it helps, you'd make a killing as a porno model"

billy grins wickedly in steve's direction

steve tries to smile back but it turns into a grimace

"i don't think it's weird, by the way... and while i don't think my crush on you from high school has quite gone away, i'm not going to like, make a move ot try to do anything" billy nudges steve's toe with his own

"okay" steve smiles for real this time

"okay" billy smiles back

"you really had a crush on me in high school?" steve smirks

"oh god, yeah, it was so bad, i didn't know what to do so i was just... an ass!" billy laughs

steve laughs along too and it's just comfortable, more comfortable than they've been ever

"do you wanna go get dinner?" steve smiles lopsidedly

"what!"

"like a date, do you want to go on a date with me?"

"it won't be weird?" billy asks earnestly

"not unless you make it weird"

billy grins and stands

"then let's go on a date!" he hold out his hand an hauls steve up

///

they're walking in comfortable silence, bumping into each other's shoulders, trying to make the other drop their left over box

they get to billy's door and kean against it, very much in each other's space

"you wanna know a secret?" steve asks with a mischievous glint in his eye

"sure"

"i had a crush on you in high school too" steve smiles and rests his forehead against billy's

"oh yeah!" billy leans into steve's touch, their noses bumping

"hell yeah" steve closes the distance and presses a soft kiss into billy's lips

[gloriafc]

Single Dad

Paul never regretted having a kid at 21. He loves his daughter with his soul. He never had a relationship with his daughters mother, but he manned up and took responsibility for the baby. After a while the mother dropped her off with him and a letter. She gave him full custody and was never able to be contacted again. She sent child support, but she explained in the letter she didnt have what it took to be a mother but she'd be able to provide. It was later found out that she was doing drugs and was sent to a rehabilitation center.

You're a surgeon, you took a job as a pediatric surgeon at Forks. You only moved to La Push because your grandmother lived near the beach, leaving you her house when she passed away.

You met Paul when his daughter just turned three. Paul was lightweight scared, he never pictured having an imprint after his daughter was born. And he thought maybe the fact that he had a kid would scare you off, because he knew he'd never be able to pick anyone over his kid. He was relieved to find it didnt bother you one bit. "It kind of makes sense. Most guys I've dated tried to get me in bed on the second date. You didn't."

It didnt bother you that Paul was a few years younger than you, most people didnt even realize how old you actually were since you could pass as an eighteen year old if you did your hair a certain way. Paul was the one that had to keep up with your energy since you were used to working with kids all day.

After a few months of dating he finally decided to introduce the two of you and it couldn't of gone better. The two went to your house for dinner, your dog greeting them at the door. "Daddy. She has a doggy!" "His names Turkey, because he likes to eat a lot of Turkey." You left the screen unlocked knowing Paul was coming, he easily let his daughter in and helped her out of her coat as Turkey started sniffing her making her giggle as he licked her face in greeting. "Come on Letty. Y/Ns in the kitchen."

The evening went well in Paul's opinion. He watched as you listened to whatever story Letty was telling you as she played with Turkey. She made herself right at home, finding your movies, "You actually have happy feet 2?" You shrug and look at Paul, "I have a big family, and lots of nephews, a few nieces. Doesnt hurt that it's a good movie."

When Paul and Letty are back home and hes tucking her into bed she looks at him, "Daddy?" "What baby?" He smiles as she yawns and rubbs her eye, "I like her. Shes nice." Paul chuckles and smooths some hair out of her face, "I like her too." "I like Turkey too." Paul cant help but laugh, "I think Turkey liked the treats you kept giving him."

As a few more months have gone by you and Letty have gotten comfortable around each other, to the point where you'll watch her if Paul cant find a babysitter or if she just wants to play with Turkey.

When things start to get serious between you and Paul he decides to tell you about the legends and the imprint. You've been introduced to the pack, but you get overwhelmed with everything. You take a couple days to think about it, realizing everything makes sense. How nothing feels rushed or like it's wrong. You spent the few days you were alone baking, and baking, and even more baking. You knew you had to talk to Paul, but that he wouldn't find you to avoid making you feel pressured so you headed to his house.

After knocking you stare at the Tupperware of desserts over thinking how everything is gonna go. You dont hear the door open and jump when you hear, "What's that?" "I uh. I was thinking. And when I think I tend to bake and cook." You continue to stare at the Tupperware as he fully steps outside, "I'm still trying to wrap my head around everything, but I." You finally look up at him, "I know that I want to be with you." "Come here." Paul easily pulls you into his arms, resting his chin on your head as your arms wrap around his waist.

You don't know how long the two of you stay like that until you hear, "Are those brownies?!" You both turn and see Letty standing in the doorway, Paul grabs and lifts the Tupperware before Letty can grab it and run off, "Nice try kid. You gotta be quicker than that." Everything goes back to normal, besides the fact that you now know your boyfriend and his friends turn into giant dogs.

Paul can see Letty loves having you around, especially if she wants her hair done a certain way and knows hes useless with braiding hair, especially French braids. If you spent the night, Letty loves watching you do your makeup, even if it's just something super natural and basic. She also loves visiting you at work, the few days her and Paul would go to town theyd take a detour for lunch and bring you something. You had your own office, being the chief of peds, and Letty took any opportunity to spin in your chair.

When Letty starts school, Paul's absolutely bored without her there keeping him on his toes. "She's only gonna be gone for a few hours a day. Its preschool." "And then she'll be in highschool." You can only laugh, "And then what? Bringing home a boyfriend?" Paul can only groan making you laugh and shake your head, "Its preschool. You'll go to pick her up in a couple hours and you'll still be her favorite person."

After a couple years Paul and Letty move in with you. Your house was bigger and paid off, making it the best decision and Letty loved the idea of getting to decorate what would be her room. It took a couple days for you to get used to hearing cartoons in the morning and little hands pulling you inside after work to the kitchen where dinner is waiting.

By the time Letty is six shes calling you mom. You love her as if she was your own. The first time it slipped out of her mouth she got upset thinking you'd leave like her mom did. Paul talked to her and got her to tell you how she felt about your relationship with her. The next day you took her out for a girls day and she told you over lunch. When you returned home both exhausted, and after Letty showed everything she got to her dad, you were climbing into bed ready to knock out.

Paul slid into bed after tucking Letty in, pulling you into his arms letting you snuggle into the warmth his body provides, "How'd today go?" You yawn and let out a chuckle, "I think I became a mom today." Paul chuckles and kisses your shoulder, "Congratulations. It's a girl." You let out a laugh before rolling over and press your face into his neck before letting sleep consume you.

The next morning both Letty and Turkey jump on the bed to wake you and Paul up making you groan, "I didn't sign up for this." "You have no choice you're a mom now." You give Paul a death glare but he can't take you seriously with your bedhead making you roll your eyes, "Don't you have pancakes or some dad thing to make?" "Oh you're pushing it now." Before you can process what's happening Paul's attacking you in tickles and kisses, "Eww gross." You both stop and look at Letty before looking at each other. Paul shrugs, "Pin her hands, I got her feet." Not even a second later the three of you are laughing, even Turkey is happily wagging his tail and occasionally letting out happy barks.

When Letty is eight Paul asks you to marry him. Of course Letty is there to put her input on everything, especially the ring. "You know it's not for you right?" "Dad you don't have any style. Mom can't have an ugly ring. It has to be pretty just like her. She has to wear it everyday." "You don't think I don't know that? And shes beautiful not just pretty." "Dad. You're whipped." "Where'd you learn that?!" "Uncle Jared and Uncle Sam." Letty even tries to con her way into being there when Paul proposes, but luckily for Paul her uncles have super hearing, strength, and speed so she cant even attempt to escape Emily's house.

Occasionally Paul catches you and Letty cuddling on the couch as you watch a movie. He loves seeing Letty lay on top of you, no matter how big she gets she loves to have her head resting on your chest as you're both covered with whatever blanket you dragged down from her bed. Your hand is always on her back, rubbing soothing circles or just rested there depending on the day you've both had. Paul's heart skips a beat when he can see the engagement ring on your finger still unable to process the fact that hes going to marry his imprint and that you and his daughter have an amazing relationship.