#and felt guilt for not being able 2 prevent it </3)

[nulltune]

hakuno has received ... an egg!! that's right, this fragile-seeming, half-phantasmal pod that was nevertheless large enough to take two arms to lift and hold ... was absolute proof that anybody here was not human. a black fog rolls about in the murky, semi-opaque shell, like thick wildfire smoke encased in lighter cigarette fumes. was that nothingness drifting about the center an embyro? regardless, it was up to hakuno to decide what to do with it now. nobody would have blamed her if she handed it off to the authorities in the manner of a dutiful citizen, (after which, it certainly might not see the light of day ever again,) or fed it to a snake just to see what might happen. the enormous pool of blood is quite telling of an unfortunate mishap as well, yet the egg says nothing, its inhabitant fast asleep and subdued. who knew when it might wake up and be born again? who knew what, or even who, it would be born as, into?

unprompted,  always accepting !   @tenkoseiensei  ♡

there had been no issue in transporting the item to her quarters,  though to the unassuming they'd think it to be a workload ill - suited for a lady of her stature,  the size of it merely obscuring her sight,  but such a thing didn't matter when one had the route to their destination memorized perfectly.  there was no delay to her movement speed,  nothing particularly of note.  if anything,  it was the blood that was ...  unpleasant.  ultimately,  it was inconsequential,  but it lingered in the back of her mind faintly.  the scent of iron,  the knowledge that it must've stained her clothes,  it was so much.  that amount must've resulted from—

the plastic bag tied to a close,  the red color on the fabric still prominent against the translucent material, and hakuno tosses it into the bin.  she washes her hands afterwards,  a sigh coming from her as the water runs clear.  her mind is similarly calm,  no longer distracted by what shouldn't have taken that much of her time,  she returns to the task at hand.

temperature,  humidity,  gaseous environment  —  verified.  it is unclear what stage of incubation the egg is at this moment,  but these conditions should be ideal ...

❛   if there is anything not to your liking,  please let me know.   ❜      she blinks at her own voice,  uncharacteristic for her to speak when alone,  thoughts kept all to herself without an issue—  but,  oh.  vacant eyes turning to the egg  ( carefully kept in an impromtu and specially made area ) ,  cool caramel eyes blink once more.  to already be recognised as a presence by her should signify a sign of life;  at the embryotic stage,  at the very least. 

this was something she should've confirmed at the scene where she'd first stumbled upon it,  but even she could've picked up on the vague sense of a lingering threat.  ‘ instincts ’  had seemed to kick in at that moment,  and although bringing along this large egg was not the ideal choice to make in such a situation,  the thought of leaving it behind was out of the question.

and now that the two of them are within safety,  it seemed that she was able to speak with more ease;  that was the logical conclusion to be made,  anyway.       ❛   do you know what it was that caused that—   ❜       recalling that sight,  hakuno's mouth briefly presses into a thin line.       ❛   —blood spill ?   ❜       it may be out of her field of concern,  but she'll look into it.  though at this moment,  first priority comes to  ...  her guest.

it is ...   what is it,  exactly ?   it looks somewhat ominous,  if she were like a regular person  /  human,  perhaps that would be the conclusion made.  with how she is though,  she merely accepts that as an aspect of this creature  —  the murkiness of its shell covering what lay beneath,  she wondered if it was hiding.  idle thoughts don't last long,  thoughts turning to trying to find out just what this embryo was  —  as it was right now,  she'll have to make do with what little she knew and ensure that the conditions were right for its sake.

it's unlikely.  but,  the possibility of—  being able to hear the sounds and noise of the world around you,  being able to hear everyone,  yet to be unable to utter a single word.  that is ...  so unbearably lonely.  taking a seat next to it,  she faces forward in the same polite way of sitting,  hands folded neatly by her lap.  though her side gaze lingered upon the ..  individual.        ❛   i apologise,  if you are speaking right now,  i'm afraid i cannot hear you.   ❜       what is she even doing ...  well,  to bombard the egg with questions in the first place was odd.  ( not to mention,  rude .. )       ❛   if you would like,  please feel free to speak as much as you'd like when i am able to listen.   ❜

shifting slightly in her position.       ❛   and,  if you have the intellectual capability for it in the future,  please do tell me what it's like—  to be born.   ❜       how curious,  even without any ties connecting the two,  hakuno found that the outcome of the egg perishing was incredibly  ...  unsatisfactory.  could this be the miracle of a life ?       ❛   i wouldn't know.   ❜       i was made,  after all.  whether her creation brought  ‘ joy ’  or  ‘ sadness ’  or maybe nothing at all,  she wouldn't know.  it doesn't matter.  not anymore.

eyes crinkling just a bit,  hakuno resists the urge to pat the egg  —  contact is unnecessary,  lest she do so to turn it for the sake of the incubation process.  instead,  her mind wanders within her still frame.  who are you ?   what are you ?   even without the answers,  she tilts her head to face it fully,  a vague flicker of warmth in the still pools of her eyes.

❛   you have a long life ahead,  i hope you may soon hatch to live it.   ❜

[daydreamsandcrashingwaves]

Keeping It Close To The Chest (KICTTC) pt. 2

Wow, I really was inspired! It really warms my heart that so many people enjoyed it as well! Again I Frankensteined this together as parts of it came to my brain, then connected them all. I swear I shuffled things like 5 times.

Be safe, make good choices

TW/CW: Child abuse, child murder, death, child death (Danny), Shock/ptsd symptoms, Guilt/ self-blame, Child warriors/soldiers, blood, familial abuse/ neglect

~~~ IF I MISSED A TAG please let me know, I want everyone to be able to make the informed choice that is best for them! ~~~

Here is part one in case you missed it!

Part three Part four

Happy holidays my friends :3

~Ren

One two three four five six. In. Hold.

The air in the bat cave was chilly. As usual.

One two three four five. Out. Again.

Usually, moisture clung to Damian’s skin and clothes. Today it seemed harsh and dry like even the cave was voicing its displeasure and passing judgement. It added to his melancholy and nostalgia.

One two three four five six. In. Hold 

His first week in Gotham the rain had been coming down in heavy sheets, he had never seen a storm quite as wild before. He had felt small standing on the Wayne manor doorstep next to Mother, with the wind and rain whipping around them, cradling them in water. He shivered at the memory. Damian had only known the weather in Nanda Parbat, being so close to Ladakh the weather alternated between dry and hot to freezing temperatures in the winter. True downpours were rare due to where the base had been built.

One two three four five. Out. Again

The nights were long and cold. Their room only outfitted with bare essentials, had none of the comfort he had now. Damian can still recall how his little body would shiver and shake no matter how hard he tried to still it. Many winter nights under the protection of the dark, Danny would cross their room to slip under his covers. Two little bodies next to each other, the warmth soothing their bruises and sore muscles while they watched the snow drift down from the window. 

One two three four five six. In. Hold

Damian was not in shock as Tim may have suggested. No. He would never fall so far that emotional distress would prevent him from what must be done. The nervous tick to his heart was because of his worry for Danyal. Damian had only accepted the heat reflective blanket so Father would leave him be. He clutched the edges in an attempt to refocus. He cannot remember who dragged the plush chair into the batcave but he supposed being comfortable while waiting for Danyal to wake was acceptable. Damian also grudgingly could admit to himself, they were kind to place it so he maintained visual on his little brother.

One two three four five. Out. Again

Danyal’s blood had stained his costume. Green and red, Damian’s colors but now, well. He’d start by asking Alfred to take a look, see if it could be cleaned but maybe it was time to follow in his sibling’s footsteps and completely change his armor out for something that didn’t threaten to drive him to his knees. 

One two three four five six. In. Hold

He wanted to be clean, so he'd be allowed in Danyal's room, but he was stuck where he was. Some parts of his clothes were wet still, other less saturated parts were dry and itchy and uncomfortable. He idly scratched at some, and then abruptly stopped when the flakes caught under his nails. He’d have to talk with Danny about why it seemed his green blood tingled against his skin.

One two three four five. Out. Again

( He would bite his tongue though, he's not so dense to miss the fact that prying is glaringly rude, and he doesn't want to give his brother anymore reasons to run from him. Even if he wondered why Danyal's blood smells like rotting food and sweaty locker room with a touch of something he couldn't name. It was a nauseating combination instead of the iron he has grown used to.)

One two three four five six. In. Hold

Toxic green it was always that blasted bright green. Grandfather lived as long as he did due to the pits, the pits brought Jason back, now Danyal was affected, and he had no idea what to do. He was scared. He was so sacred.

One two three four five. Out. Again

"Heyy Bud, maybe it's time to change and shower?" Richard's voice comes from behind where Damian slumped. Damian allows a quick glance at his eldest brother, before he turns his gaze back to Danny's prone form on the bed.

No, he hadn't flinched at the sudden noise, he obviously knew Richard was approaching his seat. Even if his brother is eyeing him with that look like he knows what Damian is thinking. Damian bites his cheek until he splits the skin. Which he can't. He can try to understand because of his experiences with Jason's death, but. Danny was Damian's twin. His other half, they had always been together. Richard can't possibly understand the guilt he carried for not realizing Danny's plan when he realized something had changed the look in his twin's eye, or how ashamed he is for the sliver of pride he felt afterwards when Grandfather handed Damian with his personal kodachi, a blade every member had coveted. How it felt like betrayal that he had thrived in the League those five years after Danyal's death.  

He doesn't know what that's like to lose an intrinsic part of you. He had a family before being adopted by Father. The Wayne's had been allowed to stop for Jason's death. Dick had been allowed to mourn his little brother, to erect a grave to sit with. Damian only had had Danyal and then he died, and Damian was never able to speak of Danyal again until now. Hell, Grandfather was pleased to have taught Damian a lesson on rooting out weakness. He regrets not trying to bring life to those memories he cherishes.

Damian's frustrated with himself, the small movement was meant to be a reach for one of the knives that are still lining his body. Inescapable evidence he is balancing precariously on a knife's edge. Evidence Richard is no doubt started collecting the minute he had realized Damian recognized him. A fierce scowl finds its way onto Damian's face as he clenches the material of his pants between his fists. He wants to scream. If he were Jason, he'd snort at his brother's insistence in taking Bruce's place when he glitches over big emotions, when inevitably hides from his children until he's done processing.

Damian doesn't say anything though for a couple minutes, he knows Richard is caring and kind but the idea of talking about feelings with his sappiest brother has Damian suppressing a shutter. He doesn't want to talk about any of this, even if he knows his grace period to collect his thoughts is running out quickly.

"I'll stay with him while you're gone." Richard offers quietly, "Babybat, please?"

The name hasn't bothered Damian in years but now it has him seething and baring his teeth.  "Do not call me that Grayson." Damian has never been the baby of the family, that spot has always been Danny's.

No one has questioned his prickly disposition since his arrival or knows why he hates their pet names or where and he disappears on his birthday. They dismissed it with condescending smiles, ruling it as him finally acting like a child, more anger, less murder. Like throwing a tantrum over a ripped toy. How has he managed to fool a family of crime fighting detectives?... He's the superior son of course. The sentiment rings hollow, if they don't know it's because they didn't bother to ever really get know Damian past his carefully constructed front. Truly, Damian thought, a ten-year-old fooling all of the Bats and Wings is ridiculous. Damian is stubborn to a fault and decided if they think his grief is equal to an upset child, well he wasn't going to point it out for them. It took Danyal dropping from the sky for them to realize, there was more to Damian than they knew.

Grayson is watching him carefully now, but his posture remains open, relaxed, his warm smile still firmly in place. Even if Damian knows the tightness at the corners indicates his rising anxiety. Damian still wants to break those perfect teeth of his.

This isn't easy for him, why would he make it easier for them.

Instead of acting on his impulse to maim, he paces closer to the glass, allowing himself to remember their childhood, Danny had burned brightly in the darkness the League surrounded itself in -too brightly- and ultimately snuffed out. Danny was all enthusiastic questions, witty remarks and freely given smiles. He had intended to tell Father about his dead twin, had been preparing how to report the situation just right in the time it took to travel from Nanda Parbat to Gotham with Mother, surely Father would let him speak of Danyal, even once would have been enough.

The whole point of Mother sending him away to live with Father was to get him away from the League and Grandfather's influence. Away from his wretched rules that prevented him from honor Danyal as he should. Mother had tried to hide her emotions away but when Grandfather had started talking about Damian like he did Danny those last few months and -well, Damian was an excellent assassin being the son of Talia Al Ghul and Bruce Wayne; two of the most resourceful people out there- he knew what her fear looked like in the forced steadiness of her hand as she lead him away, the sorrow in her brow. He knew his Grandfather would soon order him dead as well.

Mother had him pack his bag and took him to Father, one twin lighter than planned. His Father was nothing as expected. Damian had imagined someone like Mother, always calm and collected, her icy displeasure, her quiet pride. Batman was close to expectation, Bruce Wayne on the other hand was loud, emotive, emotionally compromised. Damian would've shrunk under his Father's attention that first meeting if not for his rigorous training. Anger, guilt, resentment all flew around the room. He kept the secret of his twin buried where it couldn't hurt anyone; he had seen Father's reaction to Damian, nothing good would happen if he told Bruce. The detective would surely push and pry until their secrets lay at his feet, once a mystery was presented to him Batman would stay on it until he was satisfied with the answers. The destruction would only be regretted in the aftermath.  

It was demeaning to allow his new family to think he lacked in his training but for those first few months with Danny saturating his thoughts Damian would turn to where Danyal would be at his elbow, would open his mouth to whisper in Arabic to share their secrets like they used to or he would leave his blind spots wide open, shame and grief had warred inside him for a long time. Damian had loved his little brother with everything he had and then he was gone- killed by his own hand at his Grandfather's request. The Waynes had given him this new family with assorted siblings overnight, and itmade him breathless to acknowledge that Danyal would never thrive in this warmth. 

(Danny had been a mischievous child, witty and too smart for his own good to the frustration of their teachers. Even if he fell short in martial arts and weapons training compared to his older brother, he was better at blending quietly into the shadows. The twins shared a fierce protectiveness between them of course but Danyal? Danyal was creative, had an inherent genius for tricks and traps. Danny who cried in their room after a mission but did not hesitate with those who disrespected Damian. The only evidence their teachers would find was the self-satisfied look on Danny's face, much to their anger. With no evidence to show Grandfather they were forced to be content with pushing them harder until one of them collapsed and then took glee in punishing the one who fell behind. (No matter how much Damian helped with Danyal's sword swings or his forms, his twin rarely beat him in a straight fight.) 

Danyal would crawl into his bed those nights seeking his twin's warmth in the cool desert night, and he'd fix Damian with this blazing look before shying away, moving his attention to Damian's hands he would trace every scar and callous until Damian drifted to sleep. Danyal would wake him before their trainer arrived and they'd steal a few quiet moments for themselves.

(The only time Damian woke before Danyal their hands were still between them entwined, his little hand was clutched tight-like Danyal was afraid of it being snatched away. Damian gave a little squeeze back and Danny's eyes fluttered open. When he saw Damian next to him his face stretched into Danny's true smile, soft, shy and sweet. A smile for Damian alone. He has started to forget what it looked like.)

Damian had been adrift in this new world away from the strict dogma the League required. The new rules he was expected to live by now were so different, he constantly wished Danyal was here for Damian to find some familiarity in. He was on an uncontrolled spiral those first months until he had given in to Richard's soft support. It had stung at first, to receive the affection that only Danny had given him in the past.

Richard was the one who noticed he was spending his free time sketching, dragged him out of the manor to give him his first bound sketchbook with charcoal and had beamed proudly the first time Damian allowed him to see it being used. Damian knew just how hard his brother loved their family, loved him. It was the only reason Damian quelled the urge to stab him, even if it was extremely tempting.

No, he must be intentional now. Strong in the face of what is sure to be murky doubt at Damian's claims. Tim had tried to run a paternity test with the blood from one of Danny's bandages Alfred had discarded- it came back with an error message about twenty minutes ago, but Tim was nowhere to be found. If he can bring Richard over to their side before the rest of their siblings or their father push their way into the batcave for answers, he'd manage to keep things relatively neutral while he argued his case.

Damian takes a deep breath strengthening his resolve. This is for Danyal, he will not misstep now with so much on the line.

If Damian fails to convince them, he will take Danny and run. Between the two of them no one would be able to find them unless they wished it to be so.

“Damian…” Dick says his name carefully, with as much feeling as he can, because he knows the shock of having his brother rise from the grave you buried him in. He aches that one of his siblings ever had to go through what he did. “ I think someone should be with you while we wait for him to wake up.”  

The sneer of disgust that overtakes Damian’s face at his words was expected and how familiar it was had Dick shoving aside the burst of fondness that it caused, and he cuts Damian off before he delivers what surely is a scathing reply.   

“I know you want to be by Danyal’s side, and I can see how much you love him…" Dick clears his throat when it threatens to close, he has to keep talking because this isn't just about Damian, this is about their baby brother that looked terrified under Damian's gaze in the warehouse. "You saw his injuries; I’m worried with how scared he was earlier Danyal may injure himself more if he feels overwhelmed.”

Damian’s eyes closed tightly against the agony that shot through his chest. He knew that. He didn’t need Richard’s reminder. For Danny to look at Damian with such terror, pleading with him- Damian has never hated himself more. He has no doubt this is truly Danyal, Damian knows clones don't carry scars, scars show the life you've lived, it's unique no way to replicate it. They were all there just like Damian remembered.

As heir Damian had to be cold and merciless in the League, he was used to those around him being afraid of his capabilities, of how easily he could snuff out their lives, at one point he had been proud of his Grandfather’s smile when he had heard his four-year-old grandson had taken down his trainer with ease. He had never been that way with Danyal, distant sure, he had to be under the League.

But now that he’s been away, had a chance to meet so many people he knew better. He never felt as alone as he does now, Dick besides him and Danyal resting close by. He never wanted to cause his brother such pain. Richard could be right, he was much more knowledgeable on feelings than Damian, who still stumbles on the finer intricacies of societal interactions. He.. He would do anything for his little brother and if that meant sending him far away from here, Damian would do it. Would help him escape Batman and Bruce Wayne who were both annoyingly persistent. The others.. he could convince, he had enough blackmail stored away for an important favor. It was enough knowing Danyal was alive. 

(No. He’s lying to himself. He’s so close to unraveling but will grit and bare it. It’s his responsibility, he always will look after Danyal. No matter the personal cost. He can practically feel Richard’s devastation from here; he’s sure his older brother is desperate to make this better, however he can. Damian won’t let him. He deserves Danyal’s fear, he was a murderer masquerading as a boy. A boy who in this moment aches to hold his little brother close like when they were kids. Beg his forgiveness and sob and marvel because his fear makes this real, his brother is alive. If Damian believed in miracles this would be his.)

He cannot afford to lose this head with Danny vulnerable in the next room, so he breathes a long breath through his nose again stubbornly not looking at Richard, keeps his eyes on his baby brother, watches his strange breathing rhythm raise and lower the sheets in reassurance his twin is still with him and turns his body towards Richard, a small concession.

"Danyal is my little brother, my twin." It's said slowly, Damian carefully controlled his tone, flat, to the point. Damian just had to get this report out, "When we were five Grandfather ordered that I lay claim my title as heir."

From the corner of his eye Damian can see Richard's smile tighten with tension in an effort to keep it there, now that Damian has started though he pushes past the guilt that has haunted him to finish, " I was superior in martial arts and weapons handling but I was too rigid, Danyal- he" Damian's throat is tight, like there is a rock in his throat, and he clears it quickly. "We excelled when we were together, he took to the things I had not. I knew I'd be Heir, being the eldest grandson. But-" He chokes and Richard makes an aborted motion to touch him. Thankfully he waits.

"But I knew he'd be my Shadow; We'd rule together as soon as I took my place at as the Demon Head... Until Grandfather made us duel." To the death goes unsaid but Damian could see the horrible realization breaking across Richard's face, so he turned his head to look at where the bats nest was among the stalactites. He could make out their mass if he looked hard enough. "Danyal threw himself onto my sword and I killed the person I promised to protect!" Damian pauses, and whispers into the air between them. "There was so much blood." It wavers in his mouth but doesn't break.

The truth burns as it's coming out. Damian got all the big things into the open, now he allows himself to fall into his elder brother's arms and weep. All his pain and regret soaking Richard's shoulder. His body is still sitting with Richard, but Damian is back in a time filled with sharp strikes, where punishment was to be embraced. Swords against whetstones. Legacies to be molded. Damian can hear the whoosh of leather through the air and on cold nights the scars on his back ache.

Damian shivers now in Richard's hold his breath clouding the space between them. Damian shoots straight out of Richard's arms as soon as he realizes it's not just his breath that's visible. The cave had gone from chilly to freezing in a flash. The temperature in the warehouse had dropped too, right before his twin came tumbling out of the sky. Something is wrong. In the time Damian had looked away something had begun to stir in the recovery room. The once steady if slow beating of his twin's heart now resembles an average heartbeat.

Energy pulses. Biting wind almost takes their feet off the ground. The lights burst, raining glass from the ceiling. Richard throws an arm around Damain and pulls him into one of those springy twists only he could do that brings them under some cover.

A shadow writhes in the dark of the recovery room and Damian struggles to free himself from Richard's grip. "Danyal!" He's becoming desperate. Danyal has to be alright. Damian cannot handle losing his baby brother again. Richard stays firm. "Let me go! Please he could be hurt." His voice cracks over the plead, he feels small. Small and helpless. Two things he swore that day he would never give into again.  

Running out of patience Damian swipes at him with a blade and when Richard yelps and releases his arm he rolls, pushing into a sprint once he drops. Only to stop cold a few feet from the door. Peeking up at him from the side of Danyal's bed are solid glowing green eyes.

Part Three 01/06/2024

[rozcdust]

Stitches

Pairing: Rindou Haitani x GN!Reader

Genre: Crack

Word count: 1.4K

Warnings: OOC, canon divergent, violence, mentions of injuries, mentions of blood, mentions of stitching a wound shut, mentions of gang violence, 0 medical accuracy

It all started with a dislocated shoulder, Ran’s hysteric meltdown and Rindou’s inability to flirt like a normal human being.

pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3

“YOU ARE DYING! OH MY GOD, RIN, YOU’ll FUCKING DIE! YOU’LL DIE AND THEN I’LL HAVE TO BURY YOU AND WHO’LL PAY RENT WITH ME?” Ran screeched, his foot pushing the gas pedal to the floor, wildly swerving and almost causing at least 2 car crashes.

“Babe, I think he’ll be fine, it’s just a few scratches-“

“DON’T YOU ‘BABE’ ME KAKUCHO! HE’LL DIE! LOOK AT HIM! HE CAN’T MOVE HIS ARM!”

“I think my shoulder dislocated,” Rindou grunted from the backseat, eyes shut tight as he tried to ignore the dull pain in his shoulder and the warm trickle of blood falling down his side, staining the car seat red.

“Just hold in there, Rin, we’ll get you to a hospital soon.” Kakucho tried to comfort him, turning in his seat to pat Rin on the head.

“I’m fine, you’re overreacting,” Rindou mumbled, exhausted and just wanting to take a long, dreamless nap.

“YOU WILL DIE! OH MY GOD, MY BABY WILL DIE!”

“RAN FOR FUCK’S SAKE YOU’RE NOT MY MOTHER!”

“I RAISED YOU! YOU ARE MY CHILD!”

“Siblings.” Kakucho muttered under his breath, leaning back in his seat and praying to whatever God is out there that Ran doesn’t crash and actually kill them all.

Rin looked utterly miserable.

Kakucho truly hoped he’ll be fine.

Rindou was aware getting treated might be a little more problematic, being notable gang members and internationally wanted criminals and all that jazz, but seriously.

The nurses here were overreacting.

Leaned on Kakucho to prevent passing out from dizziness, Rindou listened with half an ear as Ran hurriedly explained the situation, almost tripping over his words, and just for a second, Rindou felt guilty for Ran having to worry so much in the first place.

The nurse nervously nodded, typing a number into her telephone as she gestured for them to wait.

“Doctor l/n? I need you here please, we have a patient with a seemingly dislocated shoulder, and some superficial cuts.”

Rindou couldn’t hear the response on the other side, but he did hear the opening and closing of one of the offices, before steady, quick steps approached them.

He glanced at the doctor, and almost wished he didn’t as heat spread over his cheeks.

The doctor was fucking hot.

They quickly stopped in front of the trio, politely smiling.

“Gentlemen, please follow me, my name is doctor l/n, I’ll take care of you tonight.”

Ran quickly pulled Kakucho and Rin to follow, all while trying to explain the same, somewhat modified, yet truthful version of the story he told the nurse.

“We got into a minor fight, but my brother fell awkwardly and we think he dislocated his shoulder, he can’t move his arm and he’s bleeding and-“ Ran sounded as if he was on verge of a panic attack, making another pang of guilt pierce Rin’s heart.

The doctor clearly could sense Ran’s distress too.

“Sir, please, I can promise you your brother will be fine, try to breathe for me right now please, it wouldn’t help anyone, least of all you, to have a panic attack right this moment. Please, come in. You can sit on these chairs, and you-“ The doctor pointed at Rindou, eyebrows raised, clearly in expectations of a name.

“Rindou Haitani.” He quickly muttered, already sitting down on the stretcher in the office, trying to avoid the doctor’s knowing gaze.

Why did they have to be so hot?

And why did Rindou have to be such a mess?

“Okay, mister Haitani, are you able to remove your shirt?”

“I- I don’t think so?”

“I’ll help.” Kakucho jumped in, to Rindou’s relief, carefully unbuttoning the suit vest and shirt Rindou was wearing underneath.

The cute doctor rolled their chair right next to the stretcher, carefully observing the bruise blooming on Rin’s right shoulder, before their eyes drifted to the cut.

It wasn’t too deep, but it will require stitches.

“Will he be okay?” Ran was standing right next to you, nervously biting the skin of his thumb as he tapped his foot against the floor.

“The shoulder is visible dislocated, but I would like to perform an X-ray just to be sure-“

“I don’t think that will be necessary,” Rindou cleared his throat, nervously avoiding everyone’s gaze, “My joints pop out of place all the time, usually I can just push them back into place after an hour or so but someone*-“ Rindou glared at his brother, “Panicked and forced me to come here.”

Your eyebrows furrowed.

“Your joints dislocate often?”

“Yes.”

“After which activities?”

“It just happens at random? Sometimes it happens if I sit down wrong or move my arm too suddenly.”

Nodding, the doctor gently led him to lay down on the stretcher, the skin of their palms warm against his own freezing one.

“How long has this been happening?”

“Since he was a child.” Ran quickly responded before Rin could as much as open his mouth, “I just assumed it was normal? Our father had a similar issue.”

“I see.” The doctor frowned, carefully taking hold of Rin’s arm.

Their eyebrows furrowed further.

“You have awfully smooth skin.” The doctor commented, chewing on their lip as they gripped his biceps and forearm to start setting it back into place, “Tell me if it hurts too much.”

Rindou felt heat spreading up to his ears, his gaze darting away from their movements.

“Um, thanks? I moisturise.”

Rindou wanted to kill himself.

That was the dumbest response he could have offered.

He heard Kakucho’s little snigger, and promptly sent him a glare letting him know to shut.

The fuck up.

“No, no, it’s not that. Even exceedingly well-moisturised skin wouldn’t be this smooth.” The doctor said, fully serious, their movements gentle and slow, “Say, sir, are you prone to bruising?”

“He is,” Ran jumped in again, “Bruises like a peach, has ever since he was a kid. The doctor said it was most likely anaemia.”

“I see. I will start pushing the joint back into place, let me know when to stop or when it hurts too much.”

Rindou nodded, holding his breath as the doctor started moving his shoulder.

A sharp pain sprung through his shoulder, making him grit his teeth, but he refused to say anything until he heard a familiar crack.

“Your pain tolerance is exceeding.” The doctor commented, letting go of his arm, and he almost whined at the loss of touch.

He contained himself, however.

That would have been fucking embarrassing.

He carefully tried moving it, sitting up as he only felt a familiar, dull pain go through his shoulder.

“Thank you so much. Um, could you also take care of,” Rindou pointed to the cut on his side, “This since I’m here.”

The doctor smiled politely, warmly, making Rindou’s heart skip a beat and more heat rush to his face.

God help him.

“Of course, but first, I have to ask you a few more rapid-fire questions, and you just tell me yes or no, okay?” The doctor said, getting out a notepad and a pen, clicking it open.

“Sure.”

“Tell me if you experience any of the following: wounds that are slow to heal?”

“Yes.”

“Wound leaving large scars?”

“Evidently.”

“Stretchy skin?”

“Yes? I think.”

“That’s alright. Hyper flexibility?”

“Yes.”

“Heartburn and frequent nausea?”

“Yes, but I take medicine for that.”

“Okay. Frequent joint pain?”

“Yes.”

“Fatigue?”

“Sometimes.”

“Okay.“ The doctor clicked their pen shut, glancing between him and the notes, “Sir, I think you may have EDS. I can’t stitch your wound, I’m afraid, your skin will likely tear, but I do have bandaids that are an alternative to proper stitches.”

“HE HAS AN EATING DISORDER?” Ran wailed, making everyone in the room jump, and Rindou could swear he saw tears forming in Ran’s eyes as he turned to Kakucho, “I knew it I shouldn’t let him work out with you, look what you’ve done! You’re ruining my chILD!” Ran was full on sobbing now, somehow getting ahold of a medicine magazine with which he was now beating defenceless Kakucho with.

The doctor looked mildly alarmed.

“Sir, please calm down. I didn’t say an ED, but EDS, fully called Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. It is a genetic disorder affecting connective tissues, making them looser and more fragile. I believe your brother has the most common form, hypermobile EDS. Getting it noticed by a rheumatologist, which I am, is usually enough for a proper diagnosis.”

“Oh.” Ran stopped beating his poor boyfriend half to death, looking at the doctor dumbfounded, “It is genetic? I PASSED IT TO HIM?!”

“RAN, FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME YOU DIDN’T BIRTH ME!”

“YES, I DID!”

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

“So…” The doctor interrupted, now with a playful smile spreading on their face, “Would your mother over there approve of getting that closed up or not?”

Rindou was mortified.

🔖Taglist (open):

@1818cigarettes @nana-phobia @dilf-city @wakasa-wifey @rinsie @kisekihany @missarabellla @bajifairyy @cryszus @r-xochitl @m0rrax @levistiddies @bxnten @spookygeto @graythecoffeebean @yukihime-mikeys-girl @mukounisuru-gashadokuro @sunahyejin @crybabylisa @yamaguccitadashi @minoozi @gigibobigi @trashmemebitch @frogtits1 @sup-zfam @whydohumansss @xashiui @bontens-whore @nqctre @anotherdeadendpath @lumi-does-some-stuff @hana-patata @hxked @erza-uzumaki @sh4nn @sisnot @aurel1ia @nahoyas-nymph (in bold are those who tumblr won’t let me tag. my apologies!)

a/n: was this entire fic an excuse to write about my hc that Rindou has EDS? perhaps 😌 you can pry that hc out of my cold dead hands

[acourtofthought]

Elain, who'd been spared the cruelties of Grandmamma's tutelage, had wept and dutifully laid flowers at her grave - one soon joined by their mothers stone marker.

"Will- will many of these soldiers die?"

And Elain ... Amren was holding Elain upright as she vomited in the grass. Not from the Cauldron. But pure terror.

Like the rest of us, Elain's recovery was ongoing. She'd wept for hours the day I'd taken her to a wildflower-covered hill on the outskirts of the city-to the marble headstone I'd erected there in honor of our father.

And Elain had deserved a place to visit with him, talk with him. She went at least once a month.

He knew the cruelty of the Hewn City troubled her.

Past Mor and that too-small bundle in her arms, Elain at her side, frozen in her crying.

I don't think it can be denied that Elain is greatly effected by death. She worries how many soldiers will die, vomited in terror after the Cauldron wiped out the Illyrian soldiers, insists Feyre swear that she will not harm Graysen, was sobbing while asking Feyre to hold on during the delivery scene. And I wonder if it's that scene (and what came before) that will become the possible catalyst for Elain's book, for her saying enough is enough:

In ACOWAR, we had this:

Followed by this:

And this:

And this:

It's not proven yet but it does seem like Elain may have had a vision of Cassian's death in ACOWAR ("It'll take more than that to kill me" / "No, it will not") and was able to prevent that from happening when she somehow made her way to the clearing in the war and stabbed the King of Hybern, that she maybe even healed Cassian when she rushed to his side.

But in SF, we're told her powers have gone dormant, most likely because she has not bothered to train them or attempt to access them.

I wonder if she'll now feel guilt over Feyre's near death in the same way Nesta felt guilt over their fathers death. Nesta felt she should have done more to prevent what happened to him and it's possible Elain might now think, had she not allowed her powers to fall dormant, that she could have foreseen Feyre nearly losing her life or forseen a way to save her (as she once did for Cassian).

She stood in the room praying to the gods and the Mother to save Feyre but it wasn't a god or the Mother that saved them, it was Nesta. Something that might lead to the realization that if she wants something done, she might need to take it upon herself to make it happen.

She might even feel guilt over Nesta being forced into the Rite because again, had she pushed to train and keep her powers sharp, she might have had a vision of Nesta being taken and been able to stop it.

SJM said that when you get to the end of SF, you'll know who the next book is about and people take that to mean Az's book because of his bonus and because she said "and Azriel's journey is one I'm very excited to write". But his bonus occurred about 2/3 of the way through the book. Yes, she's excited to write his journey but she talked about how the second Elain and Nesta came back on the page of ACOMAF, they'd have journey's beyond what Feyre was seeing. Journey does not mean a character gets the next book. Journey includes all the groundwork that the author lays for a character before eventually getting a book. So Az's "journey" could still be laid out in an Elain book in some fashion though that might not mean he's getting a POV in it. Nesta and Elain's journey's were laid out in ACOMAF, ACOWAR, and ACOFAS (in Feyre's pov). Elain's journey was still being laid out in ACOSF (in Nesta's pov). Just as Lucien's journey has been laid out since book 1, though he still hasn't gotten a book of his own just yet. I do think Az's journey (before his own book) will involve him having to witness why Lucien is worthy of Elain and why Lucien would not be quite so easy to defeat as he once believed, it seems too easy for him to finally acknowledge these things in his own book when he gets his own HEA.

Az wanting a mate and a lack of self worth isn't really much to go on before starting a book when you consider the outstanding plots (Spring / Beron / Koschei), not when you consider that Chaol's book happened after he lost the use of his legs and they needed allies for the war. Not when you consider that Lucien not only has a lack of self worth too but unknown powers, an unknown father, a lack of a true home, an unaccepted mating bond after two years (things that have been unresolved for a long time), is often underestimated and is connected to Spring / Beron / Koschei. Not when you consider that Nesta's book began after she had pushed everyone away because she felt helpless to save her father during the war. Not when you consider that Elain is always being pushed to the sidelines, having both Nesta and Az claim she shouldn't be involved in anything dangerous and she may have come to her own realization that had she bothered training her powers after the war, she may have "seen" what was going to happen to her sisters at the end of SF. Not when we still haven't gotten Elain's pov on her experience of being put into the Cauldron or the death of her father or being turned fae.

The end of SF, the last page actually, has Nesta taking Elain's rose carving and placing it on her father's gravestone as a "permanent marker of the beauty and good he'd tried to bring into the world" (almost like Elain is about to do her thing).

The end of SF has Feyre and Elain beaming at Nesta, beckoning her to join.

SJM began to set up Az's journey in SF for sure and she'll continue setting up his journey. But I still don't think the end of SF is setting up Az for his book so much as the focus being on the relationship between the three sisters. And in order for them to truly come full circle, Elain needs to come into her own as Feyre and Nesta both have.

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Hajime no Ippo: What if

(What if Ippo did get to fight Miyata for the OPBF belt?)

-Everything leading up to Miyata’s 5th title defense, but with one change. Miyata didn’t see Mr. Sakaguchi or Randy jr in the crowd.

-Without the distraction, Miyata didn’t struggle and didn’t break his fist in his fight.

-Miyata was still champion and with no injuries, he would be facing Ippo on the promised day.

-Now with no need for an interim champion to exist. Ippo and Miyata are on a collision course.

-Randy Jr. Does show up to see Miyata and tell him the dates BS. Miyata is confused as this is his first time seeing Randy Jr. but brushes it off as not important right now. He has more important things.

-Both fighters are super motivated

-The time of the fight has arrived and Ippo, renounced his title belt. As was his plan with his Gym’s permission.

-Ippo ends his reign with 7 title defenses. Leaving the title vacant. Now taking his next step.

-Ippo is running on pure motivation. And at this time we know what he was thinking

-Ippo planned on retiring after this match. Now would he truly retire? We don’t know in canon. But at this time he was resolute. His goal was to fight Miyata

-Now one could argue he only came to this conclusion while he was waiting for Miyata because of the postponement. But I think this was Ippo’s state of mind. He was always planning to take over his family business.

-Anyway, the OPBF Title match arrives. People are hyped!

-Date, Sendo, Mashiba, and others are watching with interest.

-Coach could see in the kids eye, Ippo was motivated more than ever. A feeling in his gut that maybe this might be Ippo’s final match. Regardless, he was his coach and second. He’d make sure this kid put up one hell of a fight.

-cue flashbacks of the two at the start.

-Miyata remember when Ippo first showed up. Remembering their spars. Remembering the loss that prevented him from keeping his promise. But now, nothing will stand in the way. This is his fight.

-Ippo also remembering his spars with Miyata. Remembering how this was his goal from the beginning. Now, he was ready. The fight with his fated rival.

-The title on the poster, called “Fated” as a reference to the promise.

-The arena was sold out.

-The fight is called, the stadium is packed. The OPBF title match was underway.

-The first round. Ippo didn’t charge immediately. He was being analytical. It was a surprise. Everyone could feel the tension.

-Ippo and Miyata were running countless scenarios in their heads as they prepared. But then, they both began.

-The first round was a tie, no clear advantage.

-Miyata Sr, telling Miyata to keep cool. He has the speed advantage. He just needs to relax. Coach kamogawa telling Ippo to put the pressure on.

-Round 2 was an intense bout. Ippo landing the first clean blow, almost knocking down Miyata. But Miyata was able to fire back.

-The stadium was hyped up. Sendo commenting that Ippo was going to win, Mashiba commenting that Miyata has the clear advantage. Date comments on both their strengths and weaknesses.

-Round 3 and 4 are both intense rounds, Miyata starting to feel the downside of his weight control. Yet Miyata gets the first down on Ippo with a powerful counter. Ippo got up at 7. Ippo had realized That was Miyata’s hidden move.

-Round 5 Ippo gets his first down on Miyata. Barely grazing him.

-Both boxers evolving. Date comments that right now those two were world rankers and surpassed him when he had his rematch with Ricardo.

-Sendo could see it, the fire in Ippo’s eyes.

-Mashiba felt genuine guilt keeping these two from fighting.

-Round 6 has them Both score downs on the other.

-Round 7 and 8 has Miyata taking lead, almost knocking Ippo down. But Ippo lands some nasty liver blows.

-Round 9 and 10 Ippo takes point lead. And it’s still all tied up. Both almost knocked the other down. Both knowing that whoever goes down first would lose.

-Round 11, Ippo and Miyata start going at it harder. Both throwing Everything they got into the fight. Everyone was stunned by the display. Both of them evolved again. Ippo unveiling the Dempsey roll and Miyata showing his unseen punch. They both knocked the other down at the same time! Both by sheer spirit managed to stand up.

-Both make it to round twelve. Both in their mind knowing, this would not end with a decision.

-And they both go in. One final punch to end it.

[blueberry-writer]

(i don't think i asked this yet but i have a horrible memory so pls ignore this if i have T^T)

heyaa im here to haunt your ask box again hehe <3 TYSM FOR THE LITTLE SISTER HCS I LOVED THEM!! and honestly i cannot blame you about the trailer i got so excited about nikolai

I'd like to request the same (nikolai's little sister) but with her being comforted/looked after by nikolai, sigma and potentially fyodor if he's not to hard to write this for, after having been like taken for ransom/hurt by a group who's like enemies with the doa (her having been taken bc she's nikolai's sister so she's like a weak point)? and like they just got her back and the person comforting her having been the one to find her

shdhfjf thank you! you can change any bits up if you think something else would fit better im not too fussed, i just love hurt comfort xD

Notes: Heyyoo! haunt my ask box as much as you want, don’t worry😩🙌

Anyway,  i’m so happy that you liked the hc’s!!  I hope you will like this hc’s as well!💙

And for the trailer, i define myself as a nikolai simp

TW/CONTENT: fem!reader, hurt/comfort, platonic relationship, dark content??, sfw, pt.2 of reader as nikolai little sister , sigma,nikolai and Fyodor after nikolai’s lil sister!reader have been taken for ransom/hurt by a group who's enemies with the doa

𝐅𝐲𝐨𝐝𝐨𝐫

When he found out they took you hostage, I think his thoughts are divided into two sections: "bold of them to think that the doa will fall into their hands so easily" and "could they have already hurt her? I doubt it, they wouldn't dare stand against Nikolai's unpredictable mind... or mine"

surely he and Nikolai have already devised an infallible plan

Of course they will be able to save you without too much difficulty, I mean, hello?? doa is composed of masterminds and crime geniuses

But still, Fyodor’s gonna feel a little guilty and maybe get mad at himself

How did he not think about it before? It was logical that you would be the perfect hostage and anyway he had not thought of some suitable prevention

to avoid feelings of guilt at first he will be a little more gentle and 'relaxed' with you.

He will give you a few pat pat (I hope you understand what I mean) on your head and give you more attention I repeat, possible childhood  crush energy

If you play your cards right, he might even take you for ice cream during his free time

Nikolai will be dramatically jealous that his little sister is spending more time with Fyodor than with him

from now on he will have a plan to protect you in every eventuality

Oh and after they have saved you he will probably be genuinely worried about you...i mean, in his own way

“oh my.. malýshka, don’t worry you’re safe now. They committed a grave mistake in underestimating the doa. I’ll never let them hurt you again”

𝐒𝐢𝐠𝐦𝐚

this man would feel SO guilty

At first he didn’t understand why their enemies should capture an innocent girl like you but after Fyodor figured out that maybe the enemies thought you were their weak point, he felt the world fall on him.

He thought it was all his fault because he actually showed himself to be very vulnerable at your side, I mean, you’re a child, of course he could feel comfortable with you-

And of course he’ll be part of the plan to save you

But once they save you, he’ll try to stay away from you

This behaviour is unusual on his part and you really were afraid that you had done something wrong

He’s just afraid that if he gets too close to you like before, new enemies will come along with bad intentions towards you

Every time he sees you feel bad because he has avoided you or he has responded coldly his heart breaks

That's why as soon as he sees that he has exaggerated so much to make you feel very bad or to make you cry, he will immediately lower himself to your height to comfort you. 

He will hug you too, but only if you two are alone

He felt like a fool for not understanding everything that was causing you before, he just wanted to protect you and yet.......

Only then he did realize that being the little sister of an  albino terrorist clown a dangerous criminal, you certainly can’t have many friends and maybe he is one of the few people you can trust.

“hey,hey i’m sorry!...gosh, i didn’t mean to make you cry..look at me, y/n please i’m sorry. I only wanted to protect you b-but now i’m here allright?”

𝐍𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐢

Someone want to go against the doa Nikolai by hurting his little sister? Well, THIS SOMEONE SERIOUSLY WANT’S TO DIE PAINFULLY

Of course he will come to save you but he will also take hostages of the enemy organization that has dared to kidnap you to obtain information and torture them heavily

He’s a good big bro isn’t him?

After saving you he’ll be more concerned about your health than you think

Nikolai can be a serious and responsible big brother if he want to, I believe in him

Unlike Sigma and Fyodor, he wouldn’t try to keep you hidden for a while making their enemies forget about your existence

on the contrary, he would try to make you have fun and forget about that bad event by taking you to the amusement park, the cinema or whatever place you want

you will spend great quality time together with your favourite big brother and also the only

If someone tries to annoy you or some enemy will try again to kidnap you while you are with him at the amusement park ( or the cinema etc..) this someone will find himself suffering the pains of hell😇

You’re probably one of the very few people that Nikolai really loves, for him you’re practically his family, you help his last slice of sanity, or rather, his humanity, to stay intact.

He wouldn’t let anyone hurt you, especially himself.

He will protect you at any cost

Oh and this man is also very good with words, surely he will comfort you once home

“Oww, my lil sis... did they dare to hurt you? Don’t worry, i will make them pay for all they did to you.”

That's it! i hope you liked you hc's!!💙

𝙧𝙚𝙗𝙡𝙤𝙜 𝙖𝙣𝙙/𝙤𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙘𝙞𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙙! 𝙊𝙝 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙠 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜<3

[jaemified]

together - yang jungwon

pairing ; yang jungwon x reader

genre ; fluff, very microscopic angst

warnings ; mention of being pushed off a bridge

wordcount ; 1.2k

[ 2:32 am ]

at a restricted area, blocked by a small barrier dividing the walk way and the staff only section, there you sat at the edge of the golden gate bridge. your legs dangled off, with nothing in front of you to prevent you from falling.

if you moved any more forward then this, you would've ended up falling off from your place on the edge. looking down at the dark bay, shivers went down your spine out of fear. not the fear of falling on accident, but the fear of being pushed due to reoccurring trauma. your mind began to swirl as you recalled the incident which caused your fear. though you're scared of being pushed, its odd you continued to come back to that very same spot everyday.

[5 months ago]

you and 3 of your closest friends were messing around at that spot where you were in present time. "hey y/n! i dare you to hop over the rail and stand at the ledge." your friend jake dared. "what? what if i fall? i’d just barely be hanging on.." areum sighed and rolled her eyes at you. "guys why are we even wasting our breath? she won't do it like a coward."

this caused both sunghoon and jake to cackle, not even trying to hide it. "what? ill do it." you scoffed and hopped over the railing, now holding onto it tightly with only 3 inches of a flat surface below your feet. "i did it. can we go n- holy shit!" you scream as areum pushed you off the bridge, and into the water.

can you imagine how much it hurts belly flopping only 4 feet above water? well this bridge was 220 feet off the ground, as soon as you made contact with the water, it felt like concrete. "thats what you get for flirting with my jake!" areum yelled after you, trusting a silly rumor over her best friend of 14 years, even though she knew well that you had a crush on a certain some-won.

sunghoon felt nothing but guilt, i mean his best friend's girlfriend just threw you off a 220 foot high bridge, into 100+ feet deep water. not to mention you became friends with him before meeting areum. jake on the other hand could care less, whatever areum did, he approved of.

what nerve areum had despite you being younger than her.

your head was completely submerged and only the liquid filled your lungs. you kicked and tried to scream, only to be brought down by your own weight. your kicks become slower, and slower till eventually you stopped. 'this is it, this is how i die.' you thought to yourself.

your eyes began to shut on their own and you hearing became muffled as the water pressure seemed to squeeze your head. all was silent, up until you heard a voice that seemed to be coming from a person around your age. "i'm coming! i'm here to save you!" the boy yelled. you felt two strong arms wrap around you, and your body was hauled to the shore.

"sunoo hyung you know how to do cpr don't you?"

"riki what do we do? we can't just leave her here.." one new voice said, probably the one named sunoo.

"look for a wallet of some sort, we should bring her to whatever address is there." a second, unfamiliar voice spoke, confirming this one was riki.

the person that saved you searched through your pockets and found an id. "ji y/n? what an ethereal name to match such an ethereal face.." "hey stop swooning over your little crush-" your ears began to ring, and you passed out before you could catch his name, hell, you weren't even able to see his face.

[present]

you still keep in close contact with sunghoon. not much had changed, other than the fact he grew more protective over you and that he tried to become a ‘better’ person.

your thoughts were cut off as a voice from behind you called your attention, the voice sounding seemingly familiar. you turned around and you felt like the world had stopped spinning. "you're not planning of jumping again are you?" he asked. oh shit. you looked and made eye contact with none other than your longtime crush, yang jungwon. "i'm not- wait. you're the one that saved me?" the boy chuckled and nodded his head yes, before walking forward and taking a seat next to you without hesitating, his legs now dangling off the bridge as well.

you both sat there for at least 3 minutes of silence, but not awkward silence. just the feeling of enjoying each others company. you were surprised to see he still hadn't left, it's not that you wanted him to go, he is the boy of your dreams after all.

he broke the 3 turning 4 minute streak of quiet by introducing himself, though you knew each others names. "i'm yang jungwon. you're ji y/n. aren't you?" no response. he waited, but not a single word came from you.

"you don't talk much do you?" you shook your head. it wasn't entirely a lie, you were always a social butterfly but ever since the incident you became more quiet and reserved. "why did you sit down with me?"

"is this your indirect way of saying you don't want me h-" "no. im just wondering why someone like you would wanna be here with me."

he grinned, happy with the fact you’re finally starting to converse with one another.

"you looked pretty lonely, so, i thought ‘lets be lonely together’."

“did you know im in love with you?" you were more shocked with what you yourself said then jungwon was. he was flustered, and im not talking about his cheeks turning a beautifully rosy pink, but rather a full on tomato.

jungwon cleared his throat and slightly hit his chest before confessing to something. "me saving you wasn't the first time we met. we go to SFSU together, i've had eyes on you since the start of last years first semester.."

you smiled warmly at the boy and pulled him closer, gently intertwining the both of your hands. "well what if i said i've had eyes on you since high school?"

this only boosted jungwon's ego, whatever it was you were doing to him, was working. "well what if i took you out, say.. 3pm tomorrow, at the cafe by the dorms?" "i'd be an idiot to say no."

"great! it's a date." he pulled you into his warm embrace and kissed the top of your forehead, assuring you he’s willing to take it slow and move at a reasonable pace.

you leaned out of the hug and softly cupped both of his cheeks before he could say anything.

“jungwon i really want to know where this could take us. wether it works out or not, i just know in the end it’ll be worth it."

"i couldn’t ever let you down, i assure you, i’ll put my best efforts into this relationship."

in the end, y/n was still lonely. but now, she had found someone to be lonely with, and they would continue to be lonely, together.

[lya-dustin]

Rules: Share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture their character/personality/vibe. Bonus points for just using the dialogue without other details about the scene, but you’re free to include those as well.

Thanks for the tag @queen--kenobi

Tagging: @slytherincursebreaker @redwolf17 @arcielee @mini-kunoichi @toms-cherry-trees @zablife @justrainandcoffee @dreamlandcreations

Going with dialogue from All is Bliss for this

1)“You get to inherit his claim.

Although mine is much higher, so really, your brother dying without legitimate issue is more of a problem for the Greens than it is for the Blacks.

I get to appoint an heir from those available or marry someone of my choosing and have my own.I might even marry you if you’re still available and prevent your mother and grandfather from putting my family to the sword.” She answers, having thought all of this through already.

2)“I wish it had been you.” She said with such melancholy in her eyes as he rested his head against hers wishing it didn’t have to end with her going back to his brother.

3)“I must do this, I cannot be turned into a second version of my mother for their personal gain.

Aegon must not have heirs and I cannot have a sword hanging over my neck by giving him one.” The princess said as they took the tonics from the apothecary's wife who gave loud instructions for the tonic she did not buy.

4)“Silverwing may be the most docile of the dragons, but she is a dragon nonetheless. I merely reminded her not to forget I am a dragon.” Aemma answered.

5)“I am sorry for humiliating you in front of everybody, had I had a choice, I would have not done it.” The princess means it, her periwinkle eyes serious and her face showing genuine guilt.

6)“Yes, he does, but have you considered that this would invite speculation on any children Aegon claims as his?” this she asks looking at her directly. “We all know any child I have will not be his, who is to say someone will speak the truth as my great uncle will do tomorrow and call into question the succession?”

7)“I ask that you spare him only because he is the grandfather of your granddaughter and he is my blood.” Aemma had said when she asked him to spare Vaemond’s life. “Give him whatever punishment you believe is just, but I only ask that you do not make a martyr for the Greens to uphold the moment you die.”

8)She looked up at him with bewilderment and dried her tears with her sleeve. “Out of all the things you could have said you chose that. Has it ever occurred to you that the same insults you used tonight will be used against our children?”

9)“I would have believed my husband to be man enough to come here, Lord Borros. But then again, he was never expected to be more than his grandsire’s puppet.” Aemma said not bothering to look like the innocent maiden she was before her wedding.

10)“Ah, but you see, Ser Otto, Princess Aemma Velaryon is no more. I am Queen Aemma Targaryen now, I have been so since the day my mother and sister died because of your and your daughter’s treachery.

Present your queen’s terms.” Aemma felt nervous, a thrill at being able to say what she wanted to say and know there were no longer any consequences for it.

11)“Fine, I put the pillow over his face until he stopped thrashing, and the maid took the blame when your mother heard we killed him.

I do not care that it is sin and a crime and everything in between because gods-damnit it felt good to know I was finally free of him.” she cannot stop once she gets started and by the end of it, the queen sees the shock written in his face.

12)“I am sorry for your loss, goodmother.” Aemma says the words genuinely, which makes it all even worse.

13)“Thank the gods, I felt dirty and used when it hit me that I was whoring myself ---and you---for a semblance of power here.” She admitted avoiding his gaze through the looking glass.

14)“We could always offer her to Daemon, he is a widower with four healthy children, and sure he has no household, but the Stepstones are still his technically.” Aemma says as if Aegon was jesting, making it seem as it was all a joke and that he wasn’t considering his mother as chattel.

15)“Don’t get pregnant, Baela. It’s like a coup on your body.” Aemma jokes to try and lighten herself up. And sure, enough the flutter passes as Aemond charges at his opponent.

Went only up to chapter 43 because holy shit the fic is long

[hchollym]

Hello there, lovely! <33 I just read your ask abt slytherin percy and i have some Thoughts TM. Being a spy in voldys possy is dangerous in and out of himself, y'kno? But rising that quickly in ranks to the inner cycle in a cahort of literal criminals and murderers requires some of theese acts too, right? Even more so for percy to prove he abandoned the traitorous ways of his family. Would he try to avoid it? What would he do if he couldnt? What even he could do with death eaters as a spy??

Being a spy is definitely dangerous, but it was also super important during the war, especially if something happened to Severus; the light side needed someone on the inside to help save lives and provide information to help turn the tides in their favor. Percy just happened to be uniquely qualified for that (with his personality traits that made him a desirable Death Eater recruit, his intelligence which allowed him to have the ability to manipulate and bend the truth, and his strong moral compass that would have prevented him from flipping sides). 

Unfortunately, that does mean that he would have had to break his own morals to stay undercover (it's one of those 'the end justifies the means' or 'for the greater good' type of things). Spy Percy definitely didn't get a happy ending right away - he had to work really hard for years after to cope with his guilt and trauma. Those feelings were easier to avoid when he was in the trenches, because he had to focus on his purpose, but once the job was done, they practically consumed him. 

It really was an awful burden, but what were his other choices? If Voldemort wanted to recruit him (which I personally think he would, especially if Percy had been sorted into Slytherin), then he really only had a few options: 1. Run away (which was definitely not in Percy's nature), 2. Deny Voldemort and sacrifice his life (which he could have done, but what would that have accomplished?), or 3. Become a spy and sacrifice his morals to save a lot of people. The last option was the only one that would really seem viable to Percy. 

Unfortunately, Percy would have had to commit crimes to prove himself, and as much as he would have hated it, I think he would have been able to compartmentalize it (at the time) in order to follow through, because it was necessary. He may have even had to kill someone, but Percy’s thought process likely would have been along the lines of “Do I save this one person or the hundreds of people that my information can protect?” He would have felt guilty for the rest of his life, but he would have done what he needed to do. 

However, in my opinion, Percy got more of a break than a lot of other Death Eaters, because the majority of his worth was proven by providing information about the Minister of Magic. He had direct contact and information about the most powerful man in the government (including the secrets that he kept from other Departments Heads), so Percy was in a very good position to give the Dark Lord classified, beneficial information. 

I also think Percy had to do less torture and killing than many of the others, because Percy knew that a good, sustainable cover story had some basis in the truth, so he would have been honest with Voldemort that he was willing to do what needed to be done, but he didn't have bloodlust like many of the other Death Eaters. I actually think Voldemort would have respected that because bloodlust can lead to impulsivity and recklessness, and that’s when mistakes are made (and we saw several instances in the text where Voldemort tried to solve issues without killing everyone), so aside from the occasional dark act, I think he would have been content with Percy demonstrating his loyalty in less violent ways and allowing people like the Lestranges to handle the other stuff. 

Furthermore, I personally believe that one of the reasons Percy rose in ranks quickly was because Voldemort saw himself in Percy - highly intelligent, ambitious, Head Boy, carefully thought through his decisions, wanted respect and power, was critical of Dumbledore, grew up poor, resented his birth family and last name, etc. He would not have seen Percy as an equal, of course, but he would have seen him as a valuable asset because of this. 

Plus, like I said above, Percy was smart enough to not just tell Voldemort what he wanted to hear, because that was too easy to see through; instead, he gave careful explanations with truth sprinkled in. For example, he may have admitted that he didn't hate muggles, but he was willing to sacrifice them to get what he wanted - power and a more prestigious job. Again, I think that was something that Voldemort would have respected, because it was more useful to have someone being honest than just spouting off pretty lies to appease him. He would have valued Percy's opinion more than many of the other followers (like Pettigrew) who didn't really think for themselves. 

Don’t get me wrong, Voldemort needed followers who were blindly loyal and/or bloodthirsty too, but he also needed someone like Percy, who could unbiasedly tell him what the people were feeling about his reign so that he could carefully cultivate his image (because keep in mind, Voldemort didn't just want to slaughter everyone and rule after; he could have done that if that was his goal, but instead, we saw him wanting to hide the government coup to keep the public from fully rebelling). People like Bellatrix would not have seen the benefit to winning the people’s favor, but Percy would have, and Voldemort was smart enough to realize that. 

This got really long, and I'm sorry for rambling, but basically, yes, Percy would have had to commit horrible crimes, and it would have effected him for the rest of his life, but I think he was capable of doing so for the right reasons.

Thanks for the ask! 😊

[antigonewinchester]

Dean & Hell, Redux

(Previous posts: Intro post; Dean & Hell, season 4; the Mark & Hell, part 1.)

Before I keep going with the Mark of Cain arc, I want to return back to earlier seasons to talk again about Dean, Hell, and violence. As “Dean enjoying violence” is a major thread that runs through season 9 and 10 and strongly tied to Dean’s time in Hell, I want to put the right frame around this idea. And, as I’ve researched more on the topic, I’ve come to rethink my past perspective.

In my first analysis of Dean in Hell, I really resisted that notion that Dean did or could have enjoyed torturing. Part of my defensiveness was from having seen other meta in fandom that frames Dean as innately violent / vicious in comparison to other characters, as well as some of the show’s own framing around Dean enjoying violence in season 10, and thinking this framing felt off without fully being able to articulate why. Deadendtracks kindly pointed me towards the concept of moral injury as a key aspect in both Dean’s time in Hell and his time hunting, with this idea being central in Dean talking about his enjoyment of both. Viewing Dean’s violence and traumas through this lens ended up being a big missing puzzle piece for me, in terms of what’s going on in the show; how people react to Dean in fandom, including my own defensive reaction; and how all of these ideas combine together over the Mark of Cain arc, for better and worse.

In their meta on the Mark of Cain, “This is What You’re Gonna Become: season 9 as the culmination of Dean Winchester’s thematic roles of identity in SPN,” swayingwires persuasively lays out the case for both Dean’s time hunting and his time in Hell as situations of moral injury, tracing the evolution of these psychological wounds and Dean’s recognition of them through Kripke’s era of the show. I’m going to pull out a few highlights from this essay below, as I want to further support their interpretation by analyzing the language the show uses in talking about these situations for Dean. Then, after briefly looking at how Dean’s moral injuries are referenced in early season 10, I’m going to end this section with a perspective from Jonathan Shay, the researcher who originated the idea of moral injury, on the political significance of trauma narratives.

In their discussion of moral injury, swayingwires cites an article from 2012 in the PTSD Research Quarterly, a publication from the National Center for PTSD, written by Shira Maguen and Brett Litz. In a 2021 article for the National Center, Maguen, as well as Sonya B. Norman, further define moral injury and its co-occurrence with PTSD. The broad framework they lay out fits incredibly well with many aspects of Dean’s characterization and reactions to the events he’s faced:

“In traumatic or unusually stressful circumstances, people may perpetrate, fail to prevent, or witness events that contradict deeply held moral beliefs and expectations (1). When someone does something that goes against their beliefs this is often referred to as an act of commission and when they fail to do something in line with their beliefs that is often referred to as an act of omission. Individuals may also experience betrayal from leadership, others in positions of power or peers that can result in adverse outcomes (2). Moral injury is the distressing psychological, behavioral, social, and sometimes spiritual aftermath of exposure to such events (3). A moral injury can occur in response to acting or witnessing behaviors that go against an individual's values and moral beliefs. In order for moral injury to occur, the individual must feel like a transgression occurred and that they or someone else crossed a line with respect to their moral beliefs. Guilt, shame, disgust and anger are some of the hallmark reactions of moral injury (e.g., 4). Guilt involves feeling distress and remorse regarding the morally injurious event (e.g., "I did something bad."). Shame is when the belief about the event generalizes to the whole self (e.g., "I am bad because of what I did.") (5). Disgust may occur as a response to memories of an act of perpetration, and anger may occur in response to a loss or feeling betrayed (6). Another hallmark reaction to moral injury is an inability to self-forgive, and consequently engaging in self-sabotaging behaviors (e.g., feeling link[sic] you don't deserve to succeed at work or relationships). Moral injury also typically has an impact on an individual's spirituality (7). For example, an individual with moral injury may have difficulty understanding how one's beliefs and relationship with a Higher Power can be true given the horrific event the person experienced, leading to uncertainty about previously held spiritual beliefs.”

Swayingwires lays out the throughline of Dean’s moral injuries through a number of key moments in early seasons. First, there’s Dean expressing that he’s scared of what he’ll do or kill for his family in 1x22, after killing a demon who he knew was possessing a person against their will:  

“Threats to the family are supposed to be things, but now Dean is grappling with the idea that some of those things might also be people. Victims, even, like Meg Masters. People who should otherwise be saved. Hence Dean’s internal conflict: Saving People and Hunting Things have crashed up against one another in a way that creates a nascent moral injury deeply tied to both the Save Sammy and Daddy’s Blunt Little Instrument roles and where they overlap.” (”This is What You’re Gonna Become,” Chapter 2).

Then, in 2x03, Dean confronts again that monsters might not be just things but actually people themselves through Lenore and her ‘vegetarian’ vampire family.

“Like he did with the possessed victim Meg Masters, Dean discovers that Lenore and her people – including the vampire he killed at the mill – were the ones in need of saving, and from a hunter. Once again his moral code (Saving People, Hunting Things) rubs up against the reality that those two categories, people and things, are not as easily divided as his father raised him to believe. What if hunting things – something he enjoys – is actually harming people? This moral dilemma isn’t easily brushed off for Dean, even as he continues to operate under his code. Because to give up that equation – Saving People, Hunting Things – is to give up his identity and admit that what his father taught him, how John raised him to play that role of Blunt Instrument, was a betrayal of not only what was right but what was best for Dean himself. So the moral injury continues to fester.” (”This is What You’re Gonna Become,” Chapter 3).

As I mentioned previously, Dr. Jonathan Shay conceptualized the beginnings of moral injury in his book Achilles in Vietnam: Combat Trauma and the Undoing of Moral Character, published in 1994. In it, he compares the story of Achilles in the Iliad to those of real-life Vietnam veterans. While the idea of moral injury has been expanded upon since the 90’s, Shay particularly emphasizes a part of moral injury as a psychological wound that those in leadership inflict on those underneath them: “When a leader destroys the legitimacy of the army’s moral order in betraying “what’s right,” he inflicts manifold injuries on his men” (6). Shay’s idea of “what’s right” is an expansive concept, taking from “the ancient Greek word that Homer used, thémis,” which meant “the whole sweep of a culture’s definition of right and wrong: we use terms such as moral order, convention, normative expectations, ethics, and commonly understood social values” (5). He uses thémis as the broad term for this concept through his book.

When thinking about Dean and his upbringing, an revealing point is how, to demonstrate the gravity of moral injuries, Shay compares the moral relationship between an army and a soldier to that of a parent and child:

“The vulnerable relationship between child and parent is a metaphor for the relationship between a soldier and his army. It is also more than a metaphor when we consider the formation and maintenance of good character. The parent’s betrayal of thémis through incest, abuse, and neglect puts the child in mortal danger… The child’s inner sense of safety in the world emerges from the trustworthiness, reliability, and simple competence of the family. Similarly, the child’s acquisition of self-control, self-esteem, and consideration for others depends upon the family… Lurking behind the supposedly settled truths is the Platonic assertion that good character is a firm wall between a good person and evil acts, regardless of the betrayals of “what’s right” and other blows, such as bereavement, that may simply happen to an adult.” (32).

Dean, raised by his father as a child soldier, is the intertwined embodiment of this metaphor. Through that lens, we can look at John’s last command to Dean – to save Sam or kill him – as an ur-example of John betraying “what is right” and of the moral injuries he inflicted onto Dean through his abusive parenting. This order was John as Dean’s ‘sergeant’, telling a soldier under his command that he might have to kill one of his comrades, and John as Dean’s father, telling his son that he might have to kill his brother, a failure of John as a moral leader multiple times over.

If Dean struggled with the morality of John’s order over season 2, then there was no such ambiguity for him in Hell and with Alastair. Dean knew what Alastair was coercing him to do was wrong and yet eventually did just what Alastair “asked,” even enjoying it.

“Alastair “broke” Dean by forcing a reversion of Dean’s personal philosophy and any sense of identity he held onto – instead of saving people, he tortures them, instead of hunting things, he becomes the thing… Dean blames himself for taking the only way out he was given after 30 years of continual horrific pain and daily destruction of his body “until there was nothing left”: inflict pain on someone else. Exchange the objectification of the tortured with the objectification of becoming someone else’s weapon. Exchange endless physical pain for endless moral injury.” (”This is What You’re Gonna Become,” Chapter 6).

Torturing in and of itself went against Dean’s moral code and would have been enough for a moral injury. Dean also finding relief, catharsis and enjoyment in torturing made that moral wound so much worse.

Swayingwires’s read of Dean’s two major moral injuries as related to hunting on Earth and torturing in Hell can be further supported by looking at the similar wording used by various characters, including Dean himself, to talk about these situations.

In the final scene of 2x03, Dean speaks with Sam about everything that’s happened in this ep:

DEAN What if we killed things that didn't deserve killing? You know? I mean, the way Dad raised us… SAM Dean, after what happened to Mom, Dad did the best he could. DEAN I know he did. But the man wasn't perfect. And the way he raised us, to hate those things; and man, I hate 'em. I do. When I killed that vampire at the mill I didn't even think about it; hell, I even enjoyed it.

Here, Dean speaks his enjoyment of hunting, even killing, and how that conflicts with his newfound understanding that monsters might be people and might need saving, too.

Then there’s Dean’s conversation with Gordon Walker at the beginning of the episode, with Dean opening up to Gordon about his feelings around John’s death. Putting this exchange in the context of moral injury, it’s important to remember that what’s especially weighing on Dean here is John’s last order.

DEAN Sorry about your sister. GORDON Yeah. She was beautiful. I can still see her, you know? The way she was. But hey, that was a long time ago. I mean, your dad. It's gotta be rough. DEAN Yeah. Yeah, you know. He was just one of those guys. Took some terrible beatings, just kept coming. So you're always thinking to yourself, he's indestructible. He'll always be around, nothing can kill my dad. Then just like that [snaps] he's gone. I can't talk about this to Sammy. You know, I gotta keep my game face on. [Clears throat.] But, uh, the truth is I'm not handling it very well. Feel like I have this - GORDON Hole inside you? And it just gets bigger and bigger and darker and darker? Good. You can use it. Keeps you hungry. Trust me. There's plenty out there needs killing, and this'll help you do it. Dean, it's not a crime to need your job.

Part of this “hole” Dean is feeling is grief over his father’s death, as Sam mentions later:

SAM You know, you slap on this big fake smile but I can see right through it. Because I know how you feel, Dean. Dad's dead. And he left a hole, and it hurts so bad you can't take it, but you can't just fill up that hole with whoever you want to. It's an insult to his memory.

But I also see Dean’s conversation with Gordon as deeply connected to his grief around the moral injuries inflicted on him by John. Take Dean talking about his father as indestructible until suddenly he wasn’t. Literally, this comment is  Dean reckoning with John’s actual death. But it’s also Dean reckoning with John’s metaphorical death, the loss of John as Dean’s moral guide and role model. If John’s guidance and commands formed a foundation of Dean’s morality, then his last order sent an undeniable crack through that foundation, with Dean now explicitly questioning how his father raised him and how that upbringing shaped his own moral compass.

Gordon naming this emotion as feeling like a “hole” is also revealing in light of his character representing who Dean could later become: after his sister was turned into a vampire, Gordon tracked her down and killed her, just as Dean is possibly facing with Sam. There are perhaps echoes of this in season 10, when Cain says that Dean killing Sam would be “the murder [Dean would] never survive.”

The wording that Dean and Gordon used in 2x03 then returns in season 4, when Dean talks to Sam about Hell at the end of 4x11:

DEAN You know, I felt for those sons of bitches back there. Lifelong torture turns you into something like that. SAM You were in hell, Dean. Look, maybe you did what you did there, but you're not them. They were barely human. DEAN Yeah, you're right. I wasn't like them. I was worse. They were animals, Sam, defending territory. Me? I did it for the sheer pleasure. SAM What? DEAN I enjoyed it, Sam. They took me off the rack, and I tortured souls, and I liked it. All those years, all that pain. Finally getting to deal some out yourself. I didn't care who they put in front of me. Because that pain I felt, it just slipped away. No matter how many people I save, I can't change that. I can't fill this hole. Not ever.

Dean again talks about enjoying hurting others, taking pleasure in it, and echoes Gordon’s words of this act as creating a “hole” inside him that he can’t fill. If Dean is just starting to be aware of and articulate his moral injury in 2x03, then he is acutely, horribly aware of this feeling in 4x11.

We can also see hole-related imagery appearing in season 5, during Famine’s speech to Dean in 5x14, “My Bloody Valentine”:

FAMINE Doesn't take much--hardly a push. Oh, America--all-you-can-eat, all the time. Consume, consume. A swarm of locusts in stretch pants. And yet, you're all still starving because hunger doesn't just come from the body, it also comes from the soul. DEAN It's funny, it doesn't seem to be coming from mine. FAMINE Yes. I noticed that. Have you wondered why that is? How you could even walk in my presence? DEAN Well, I like to think it's because of my strength of character. FAMINE I disagree. [Famine moves closer to Dean and touches him.] Yes. I see. That's one deep, dark nothing you got there, Dean. Can't fill it, can you? Not with food or drink. Not even with sex.

Famine describes what again sounds like a hole, a “deep, dark nothing” that Dean “can’t fill,” echoing the same language from 2x03 and 4x11. Given everything that happened to Dean over seasons 4 and 5, it’s no surprise that he’s still feeling these moral injuries, not having the space, support or time to even start to heal these wounds. And Dean doesn’t get that space or time for healing over the next 5 seasons, either. With the exception of his year with Lisa, he never has the chance to rest, with season after season seeing Dean face more traumas and crises, having to push down his pain to save people, including Sam and Cas, and just to deal with his everyday reality.

Jumping forward to season 10, in their post “The Wounds That Never Heal,” veneredirimmel analyzes Dean’s conversation with Cole at the end of 10x07, “Girls Girls Girls.”

DEAN Cole, hey, right here. We're talking, okay? COLE How can I believe you, huh? How can I believe you?! My whole life, I've been... DEAN I get it. That was your story. Look, man, I got one of those, too. Okay, but those stories that we tell to keep us going? Man, sometimes they blind us. They take us to dark places --the kind of place where I might beat the crap out of a good man just for the fun of it. The people who love me, they pulled me back from that edge. Cole, once you touch that darkness… It never goes away. Now, the truth is… I'm past saving. I know how my story ends. It's at the edge of a blade or the barrel of a gun. So, the question is, is that gonna be today? That gonna be that gun?

Veneredirimmel sees the darkness Dean speaks to as representative of the numerous moral injuries that he’s sustained over the decades, and I very much agree with this read. What Dean is expressing here feels more than just depression or PTSD, both which can be related to but are distinct from moral injury.

I’ve quoted the end of veneredirimmel’s post below, because I think it thoughtfully lays out what the story needed to face if it was going to honestly reckon with Dean and his emotional wounds:

“And there is no easy cure from this wound. Telling Dean that people love him is ignoring the gravity of the wound and dismissing it because that wound is not about love, and it’s not about deserving it or accepting it. Telling Dean that he’s done so much good has the same effect because the good doesn’t erase that deep sense of having betrayed what he deems right. It is not a matter of love and it’s not a self-worth issue nor [is it] about Dean’s flawed sense of self. Those horrors happened: Dean lived them, was in the middle of it so many times we’ve lost count. He cannot shake them off.”

Those horrors happened: for me, while I think the Mark of Cain arc tries and ultimately fails in confronting Dean’s moral wounds, not to mention his decades of traumas, there’s perhaps something to be gained in sorting through the whats, hows and whys of the messy, complicated story we did get.

Understanding my own reactions to this arc has also given me a larger perspective on the importance of how we talk about trauma and listen to traumatic narratives. The argument in my previous post on Dean and Hell essentially boiled down to: Dean is a good person, so he couldn’t really have meant it when he said he enjoyed torturing. Funnily enough, when pulling all my sources together for my bibliography, I realized a similar framing is actually used in-universe by Sam and Cas in talking about Dean and his violence over season 10. It’s not Dean that’s doing all this, it’s just the Mark; Dean can’t really be a bad guy; Dean is (must be) a hero. This claim is the mirror image of the idea of Dean as innately violent or as a character who uniquely enjoys violence unlike Sam, Cas, etc. But these two ideas are actually two sides of the same coin: the denial of trauma.

In Achilles in Vietnam, Shay calls these perspectives the “Law of Forgetting and Denial.” (While I don’t like all the language he uses here, particularly describing non-traumatized people as “normal,” I think the sentiment he’s expressing here is worth quoting with that caveat.)

“We must all strive to be a trustworthy audience for victims of abuse of power. I like to think Aristotle had something like this in mind when he made tragedy the centerpiece of education for citizens in a democracy. However, to do this we must overcome all the good reasons why normal adults do not want to hear trauma narratives. If forced to bear them, normal people deny their truth. If forced to accept them as true, they often forget them. Taken together, I call these good reasons the law of forgetting and denial. THE LAW OF FORGETTING AND DENIAL The social morality of “what’s right,” what Homer called thémis, is the normal adult’s cloak of safety. The trauma narrative of every person with PTSD and character damage is a challenge to the rightness of the social order, to the trustworthiness of thémis. To hear and believe is to feel unsafe. It is to know the fragility of goodness. Trauma narratives show us that our own good character is vulnerable to destruction by bad moral luck. Normal adults recognize the actual power deployments in their own society. To repeat what one has heard from a “loser,” from “damaged goods” – and this is how trauma survivors are often stigmatized – is to risk marginalization, reprisal, or being tainted by the same low status as the trauma survivor. Just as trauma testimony is always a political act, retelling trauma narratives is like-wise political. Judith Lewis Herman has persuasively connected the capacity to hear, believe, and retell with a supportive social movement.” (193)

We can see aspects of this “law” play out over seasons 9 and 10, in what the narrative denies, what it forgets, and how it frames Dean over this arc. But even if the story and the writers want to forget, that doesn’t mean we as the audience have to do the same.

Sources

“10.07 Girls, Girls, Girls (transcript).” Supernatural Wiki: A Supernatural Canon & Fanon Resource. 2nd Mar 2015.

“10.14 The Executioner's Song (transcript).” Supernatural Wiki: A Supernatural Canon & Fanon Resource. 26th Nov 2021.

“4.11 Family Remains (transcript).” Supernatural Wiki: A Supernatural Canon & Fanon Resource. 21nd Nov 2012.

“5.14 My Bloody Valentine (transcript).” Supernatural Wiki: A Supernatural Canon & Fanon Resource. 2nd Sept 2014. 

gelasius. “2.03 Bloodlust (transcript).” Supernatural Wiki: A Supernatural Canon & Fanon Resource. 13th Oct 2006.

Maguen, Shira Ph.D. and Litz, Brett Ph.D. “Moral Injury in Veterans of War.” PTSD Research Quarterly, Vol 23, No. 1, 2012, pp 1 – 6.

Norman, Sonya B. and Maguen, Shira. “Moral Injury.” U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, 26 July 26 2021.

orangemoonchild. “Untitled” (Whitewashing of Sam & Cas’s actions). Tumblr, 24th Apr 2014.

Shay, Jonathan. Achilles in Vietnam: Combat Trauma and the Undoing of Character. New York, Scribner, 1994

swayingwires. “This is What You’re Gonna Become: season 9 as the culmination of Dean Winchester’s thematic roles of identity in SPN.” AO3, July 14th, 2017.

veneredirimmel. “The Wounds That Never Heal.” Tumblr, 24th Nov 2014.

[valleynix]

im awake 👁️👁️ now you have not one.. BUT TWO ANALYSTS COMING IN (I love ur analysis Luna 😭😭 Ima try and talk about some points you didn’t talk about cuz I agree with all of yours🥰)

I wanted to do one on chp 15 when it came out (it’s was about the time I first found tptm and ur tumblr) but I was too internet shy to interact with anyone 💀💀 BUT NOWWWWWWW 🤭🤭

I Read chp 16 till like 3am and I have no regrets (after this I’m totally drawing a shit ton of this chp)

1:

Yeah I’m sure you do lunny

2:

I Like to think Cassandra likes to just look at reader’s face and study them when they’re not looking (considering she noticed their eyes on lunatic earlier). she’s so cute 😭😭

3:

now this, THIS I GOTTA DRAW

4:

NO CUZ LIKE

I WAS JUMPING FOR JOY WHEN THIS PART HAPPENED

5:

Ngl i was actually shocked when Daria came back (I kinda forgot about her 😭😭😭)

It was funny when Daniela came by and Daria realized reader rizzed up all of the dimitrescus 😭

I am actually really interested on what you’ll do with darias character. She’s a bit brash, but it’s understandable, and it's interesting to see an outside perspective on reader. We’ve mostly seen the dimitrescus opinion on reader (not so much the maids cuz reader cant understand them) and their opinions have been very positive, so to see readers reactions to negative opinions on them is interesting

6:

You jealous Dani ?🤨🤨🤨

Yes she is and it’s so sad

so many people left her and she’s afraid reader is just going to disappear or break because of her😭 thankfully readers devotion to her is unwavering

AND THAT BITCH RED😡, MAN I HATE THEM SO MUCH‼️‼️ IM STARTING A RED HATE CLUB RN ☝️

7:

HERE WE ARE GUYS‼️WE’REE HEREE DANII KNOWSS

This scene was so sad and the way you wrote it is phenomenal. I’m glad reader finally talked to Dani about this. Now both Dani and cass will be there for reader. However I truly wonder how reader will talk to Alcina and Bela about this. I doubt they would stop loving them if they tell but I feel like their reactions will be slightly different. I think alcina will be the last person reader will talk to about it because it’s kinda hard to admit to a mother that you killed her children in another timeline 💀

8:

YEAH DANIELA BEAT SOME SENSE INTO THEM

But honestly reader’s guilt is probably one of the most heartbreaking things in tptm. Imagine falling in love with this family who helped you when you forgot everything about who you were, only to be controlled into killing them again and again. That sense of hopelessness they felt in chp 13 or 14 (i dont remember 💀) when they were stuck in their head trying to go back but lunatic prevented it, or the first reality when lunatic blamed reader for being weak. It made reader think that they were the reason they all died, that they didn’t try hard enough to save them. The dimitrescus might forgive them but it’ll take a while for them to forgive themselves. Their story is so sad and I hope Dani and cass can comfort them 😭

9:

YIPEEEEE DANIELA CONFESSSIONNN

OMGGGG I WAS SO HAPPY WHEN I READ THIS

AAAHXJSNSJANDKSKKDN I NEED TO DRAWWWW

10:

“Cassandra turns her head, her mouth opening like she was going to continue with that train of thought, but she freezes when she sees you. Her eyes widen and you’d swear you see the way her cheeks turn a darker color beneath her hood, something you’re able to get a better look at when she doesn’t move.” (LMAO I totally forgot tumblr’s ask box has a limit of ten images 💀💀💀)

BAHAHAHAH Cassandra Gay panicking has my heart SHES SUCH A DORKHDJSBSJANNS

She’s probably wondering to herself if what she witnessed is a blessing or a curse

11:

“You bring your boot up and bash it down onto what bit of their face is showing as you continue this mental torment. You bring your foot down again and again and again until they’re no longer moving and you feel nothing in their mind.”

YEAHHHHHHH BEAT THEIR ASSSS READERRERR

Red’s screams will be red hate club’s national anthem 🥰🥰

12:

“You don’t think she’s ever told you this much about herself. You listen intently, hanging on her every word.”

This scene was so AAAAAA COMMUNICATION GUYSS COMMUNICATION

alcina opening up is the best thing ever. I wonder what’s gonna happen to red now that they’ve harmed reader🤭🤭

ANYWAYS‼️‼️PHENOMENAL WRITING

I will forever love your work and will continue reading tptm

time to draw literally everything in this chp

AAAAA I JUST WOKE UP FROM MY NAP I LOVE YALL-

listen i am also too shy, i legit don’t talk to people unless they come to me first 😭 it’s horrible but i’m so glad you appeared in my ask box

ANYWAY

1. Lunny got rabies

2. she totally does- she already draws them in a pose that says they’re not looking, so she probably just stares at them and studies them when they’re distracted 😭 it’s okay though she has no malicious intent

3. SHES SO FUNNY I LOVE HER

4. the level of trust at calling her by her name :’)

5. Daniela comes by and plants a kiss on their cheek, and Daria is just >:O

i do have a plan for her- kinda. i’ll have to think more on how i want to incorporate her, but it has been interesting to write someone that just doesn’t like or trust Reader

6. JEALOUS / ANGRY DANI FAVE DANI

although yeah, the cause of her being jealous in the first place is so- genuinely people are NUTS for not liking her her enough to stay >:/

7. Alcina was always meant to be the last one to know- like you said, it’d be extremely difficult to sanely explain that you killed someone’s kids over and over but it’s fine because you went back and fixed it but also you still suffer from the trauma of doing it and witnessing it even though it wasn’t really you but also was-

yeah……

8. THIS LINE WAS SO FUNNY TO WRITE- bro’s just spiraling into self-despair and Dani will absolutely have none of it

honestly, i try to just show their trauma in small ways and i’m glad it’s been picked up so well. i mean, i couldn’t imagine waking up one day to this murderous family only for them to protect me and guide me into a fitting personality, only to one day have it all come crashing down in the span of mere minutes. i know some people think Reader’s actions are a little silly, and i would agree sometimes, but that’s the unfortunate reality of trauma and mental illness :( even though they’ve told Cass and Dani, what can they really do? they didn’t witness it. they weren’t there. they don’t wake up from nightmares that it’s happening again

but, now that Dani knows and seeing how she’s better at physical comfort, she’ll know better how to ground them, and i think that’s what they need

9. I WASNT SURE HOW WELL THIS SCENE WOULD BE RECEIVED BUT I LOVED WRITING IT- Dani openly communicating that it hurts her feelings when they think she doesn’t care enough just to try and help despite not knowing the extent of their issues 😭 please she’s so sweet and i love her

10. SHES SO CUTE SKDBSJDBS I LOVE HER SO MUCH PLEASE, her gay panicking is one of my favorite things to write 😭

11. PLEASEEE LMFAOOSHFKSND (deserved)

12. OPEN COMMUNICATION MY BELOVED ‼️

i originally wasn’t going to have Reader admit stuff so soon but i just know Alcina would not let it slide for much longer 😭 like she’s smart, shes known they’ve been lying but was trying to subtly urge them to just open up and trust her

things have been set in motion now that it’s clear Red has hurt one of the few things Alcina adores in this world. the thought of angry Alci going after them………

AAAA BUT PLS YOU DONT HAVE TO, you stay feeding us (me) with your art but you work so hard 😭 remember to eat something and drink water!! >:( <33

[notifyage36]

Life Cycles, Alan Alda And Mash

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[kittenclysm]

rewatched midnight mass tonight while working and I think the psychic link between all the infected is interesting.

i don't think I need to talk about the link itself, like theres multiple explicit statements that some information passes between the infected. small amounts normally, large amounts when they're full of fresh blood (wow like eusocial bugs when they find food, i just realized that, that is interesting actually, maybe i DO need to talk about that.)

when father paul is the only one, just him and the angel, he feels no remorse for the murders and deception. like at this point the network is just a direct line to the angel and nobody else, so he feels all that like "i dont feel bad for this, god provided for me, this is the plan" stuff he talks about from the angel's mind and as a christian he interprets it a certain way and acts on it thusly.

when riley is infected, he feels paul and the angel both, but as an addict in recovery, especially given his earlier talk about the addictive voice, he recognizes paul's and the angel's thoughts as foreign and more importantly *wrong.* paul is very used to submitting to and obeying voices that he deems external (voice of god stuff) so he accepts the angel's voice as good, but Riley, once again an addict in recovery (and an atheist) hears the voices and rejects them. what a king.

as more people get added to the network, though (and this is my main evidence that the link connects every infected to each other, and not just each infected to the angel), the voice of the angel is slowly dampened by everyone else's voice. becomes 1/100th of the voices in your head instead of 1/2 or 1/3. by the end, father paul realizes he was wrong. more obviously, though, sturge and ooker both regret what they did in a way that paul did not. the collective guilt of the whole community of infected allowed them to feel guilty for their actions again, at the same time that father paul was starting to admit his wrongdoings as well. as more people's feelings were added to the network, the influence of the angel was dampened, and you can see the results. paul felt zero remorse for his misdeeds but ooker and sturge did feel remorse.

i think this is a huge part of why paul was only to infect a select few people. not only to prevent like overhunting or whatever but also because the angel specifically told him to keep their numbers low so it would be able to influence them more strongly.

cause I don't think the connection is one-way, I think the angel is affected by it too, it feels paul tweaking the hell out without its blood, begging it to come back, but I think it's more practiced at not being influenced by members of its network. i think it can abaolutely read minds though, because i think its main takeaway from paul's mind, and the reason why it embraced him in the first place, was his faith. the angel looked at paul's faith and went "yoooo, you could make a religion out of me!" I think it had no intention of infecting him until he started to pray. I've seen the funny meme posts about wrangling it into the chasuble but I honestly think that was its endgame. if it has these mind connection powers then it must be used to using them. I think it saw paul as easily manipulated, and prepped to lead it to more people who are also easily manipulated, and became the embodiment of that Free Taco vine

that was kinda a tangent abt the angel's motives, but ig it ties a little bit into the interesting points of the network.

another thought i had about the network is about Ali. bev keane is a horrible islamophobe, we know that about her already, and maybe she's just riding the high of being HBIC, but her islamophobia is REALLY kicked up a notch after the kool-aid hits the fan right? and I think it's cause of the network again. cause a lot of these people are just faking it, waiting to find out it's safe to pull their their prejudices out of their pockets and out them on their sleeves. and the network really empowered all the latent islamophobia on the island and said it out loud. now again this could really just be a bunch of people who normally and naturally react to gaining power by putting their prejudices out in public, there doesn't need to be a fantastical explanation, real people do this all the time. but I just think it's interesting to think about all the prejudice that the islanders had been hiding, coming out when it was shared in the link. because just like riley rejecting the angel's voice was foreshadowed in his convo about the addictive voice, the community's heel-turn into watching bev treat hassan the way she did is foreshadowed by hassan's monologue about his life post-9/11. he finds out that he was surrounded by bigots the whole time. which brings me back to Ali because. and again this doesn't need to be fantastical at all. it can just be a good kid seeing the in-group he was investigating start committing horrible atrocities in front of him and understandably noping out. but it could also be another interesting thing with the link, that when he joined it he heard their voices. we, the audience, saw bev not even remember his name. she propped him up as an object lesson at least twice but she never learned his name. but I wonder if it goes deeper than that and Ali was actually hearing the communal islamophobia that was empowering bev. he didn't have any blood on his face so I don't think he heard anything super strongly, but I think it was just enough to add to everything else and change his mind. 'cause his story I think was about leaving his dad and then coming back to him, and part of really understanding his dad's mindset was experiencing a part of what hassan did in his monologue. again bev didn't know his fucking name so there's no reason why this has to be a magic psychic thing but it's just neat I think and adds something.

I mean maybe it doesn't add something, maybe it detracts, because isn't the story about people's free will, and the way that people who aren't aood act like it's out of their control? paul constantly justifies his actions by saying it's out of his control. riley disagrees and insists that the decision was his, and in fact will not let go of his self control to the extent that he chooses not live as an infected person. their whole dynamic is about accountability. riley's parents have that convo about how they'd assumed the hunger was uncontrollable, but they actually found it bearable and resistable. like if the story is about accountability, is it still cool to think about everything being a result of this psychic eusocial link, or does it take away from that theme?

I don't think it does detract actually because everyone's reaction to the link is different. riley rejected it altogether. paul submitted to it. bev's terrible qualities were empowered by it. all true of the infection itself, but also true of the link I think. just an interesting thing to pay attention to on the next rewatch someday I guess.

this has been a rambling stream of consciousness post and im sorry, i have a migraine, this was like totally out of my control and I'm not accountable or something \*hits "post"*

[yanderes-galore]

m-more yandere bonnie.. called me inlove //maybe cause i am// but i enjoy how you write for him <3 //could it be the same kinda reader from mistake- or if you wanna make a part 2 to that or sum’//

Hm...Alright! This is more of a retelling/extra information for 'Mistake' than a part 2. But it's best you read the first part to understand it more. Animatronic or Android, does not matter.

Mistake

Yandere! Bonnie The Bunny Scenario (Continuation)

Pairing: Platonic/Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Yandere like behavior, Possessive behavior, Obesaive behavior, Implied stalking, Violence, Aggression, Abduction, Implied murder at the end, Robots gaining sentience.

Bonnie knew he had... issues with emotions. The bot never fully able to comprehend more complex emotions ever since he gained some sort of sentience. Especially if these more complex and even dangerous emotions are directed towards others.

Ever since you joined and worked at the pizzeria he was situated in, he was having a harder time controlling his feelings. Obsessive behavior towards you was evident. Wanting to be by your side whenever he found you.

The others even noticed a newfound aggression in the normally kind bunny. Chica watching one of her closest friends grow twitchy day and night at the thought of you. Freddy often being on the receiving end of the bunny's aggression.

Those pink eyes narrowed in so much malice whenever anyone tried to tell him his feelings were wrong. That wanting to lock you away with him and toss the key wasn't normal.

Bonnie was constantly told he was making mistakes by his peers. That if he hurt anyone who talked to you he'd regret it. It was getting on his wires.

He almost thought his metal would melt due to his overheating....

But, for his friends, Bonnie tried to suffocate such selfish feelings. It was difficult to watch you only from afar. Yet, for the longest time, he thought he could successfully hide away his secrets. All to prevent more glitches and mistakes.

Then Freddy goes behind his back and takes your attention during the day.

Bonnie got more and more twitchy throughout his obsession over you. To the point, one time at night shift, he lost it.

The bear never expected one of his best band mates to take this unrealistic crush so far. Tackling the bear to the ground with a large 'thunk', Bonnie tried to satiate his aggression.

Mechanical screeching and screaming echoed through the dark pizzeria. The two fighting bots completely unaware of the cameras picking up in the whole thing. Until it was too late....

You had seen everything

Yet another mistake was made by the bunny, snapping out of his daze due to the sound of shutting metal doors.

Pink eyes stared anxiously at the blinking camera like a frightened animal. Quickly the bunny launched himself off the damaged bear bot before darting down the hall. Freddy, meanwhile, tried to find his bearings.

This lead to the current predicament. The mental breakdown of the bunny, the doors giving out due to lack of power, and your frightened body beneath him.

Bonnie wasn't sure what was wrong with his feelings. That or why such complex feelings made him so bold, making mistakes in the process. What he did know, was there was little guilt.

In fact, when it came to you, he could sacrifice it all.

You cry in his metallic arms. Bonnie doing his best to comfort you by wiping tears away with his large hands. You try to pull away but he's just too strong.

His eyes are barely affectionate. Possessive felt more like it when he sat in the dark with you. Pink eyes brightening the office in a dim light, just enough to see your sobbing figure.

His ears droop softly. Slightly coming to terms that maybe he was making a mistake. But it felt so good to have you to himself.

"Freddy doesn't deserve you. None of them deserve you, actually. Maybe even I don't deserve you...."

Bonnie mutters in a low robotic whisper, like he was trying to understand what he was feeling.

"However, I can't seem to allow you to leave me alone either. Perhaps now is the best time to do this."

The bunny is gentle when he picks you up, bridal style to force you to hold on. His pink eyes glance at the direction of 'Parts & Service' thoughtfully.

For a moment there was hesitance. A fight against his code to stop what he was doing. You didn't deserve this....

Looking at your figure once again, he thought. You cowered in his arms, he was so much stronger due to his build. Then, he made his decision.

The trek to the room was slow. As if he was still fighting. Chica was tending to Freddy, completely unaware of what the bunny was going to attempt.

You may not deserve this...

But he feels he deserves you.

[beepboop358]

Hey it’s me again the anon with the mileven scenes ! 💖 (I hope I don’t annoy lol ) I decided to make a hopefully short part 3 of mileven scenes that make me doubt byler is endgame because I really like your answers to it ( thank you for answering btw )

Ok first scene is the scene in season 2 episode 9 ( I guess ) when El is driving away to the lab with hopper . I don’t really remember but I think Mike said something like „I can’t lose you again“ and El says „ you won’t lose me“ and then they nearly kiss .

Next is the Elmax sleepover scene when they are in El’s room after the mileven break up . Max was asking El if mike is a good kisser El says she doesn’t know and that he is her first boyfriend Max then responds „ Ex-boyfriend“ and El looks sad after Max said that

Next and last scene is the „ blank makes you crazy “ scene.I mean mike is basically trying to explain El he loves her he’s just to embarrassed telling it her face to face

That’s it . I hope you’re doing well and I wish you a nice day ! ♥️

hi again anon! I'm always happy to answer these! It's been really fun :)

1. When El is leaving to close the gate at the lab

The "I can't lose you again" conversation:

Mike: "Just be careful, alright? I can't lose you again"

Obviously he doesn't want her to die, they are friends, share a special bond, and he felt an enormous amount of guilt of what he previously thought was her death, because she "died" saving him. And he desperately wants to be straight here, he wants to like her, so her leaving again will prevent him from being able to do that, and he blames Hopper for El being hidden once he finds out she is alive, and that stirring up his romantic feelings for Will. (Mike's breakdown explanation here)

The almost kiss:

It's VERYYY interesting here how ONLY Eleven is the one who leans in for the kiss. Mike never moves, he is completely frozen. A girl, who he knows he should and wants to like, is telling him she wants to kiss him, and he. does. nothing. Like we see in s3, all of Mike & El's physicality is initiated by Eleven. He very slightly tilts his head right before they almost kiss, almost like he is reluctant to kiss her....Interesting.

2. The Elmax sleepover 💜

So this is after the breakup, and El does not seem at all concerned or upset she just broke up with Mike. She's flipping through teen magazines, looking at boys. The actual script of this scene:

If you just supposedly lost the love of your life, I would expect you to be heartbroken, and El is not in this scene. She's happy, she's having fun, and the music is upbeat. Nothing in this scene points to how much she romantically loves Mike and is devastated by the breakup, which is entirely purposeful. They show her looking through magazines at boys and listening ti upbeat pop music, to emphasize for the audience, that she isn't madly, deeply, romantically in love with him. We never once see her shed a tear, or even express how she wants Mike back or anything like that. She even calls Mike her first boyfriend. She doesn't say anything about how he's the only guy for her and she could never think of anyone else that way, she says first boyfriend, indicating she thinks there might be more in the future. She looks down when Max says "Ex-boyfriend",

but she moves on immediately, with a new fun game idea for them to play, the spin the bottle spy on a person game, nothing to do with missing Mike, or being upset.

3. Blank makes you crazy"

We all know the blank is love. And if Mike's really trying to tell Eleven he "loves" her, then why is this scene paralleled to Robin's coming out? Why does Mike say to her when trying to describe how he loves her, “It’s like a feeling, old people say it to each other."

Because he doesn't romantically love her.

The entire premise of this scene "blank makes you crazy" is built off of the "crazy together" scene, all in the context of the phrase "only love makes you that crazy sweetheart"

thanks for the ask! Hope you're well! xx

[depressedacadamia]

Lightweight

Summary: Will Solace can’t realy hold his alcohol but Nico doesn’t really mind.

A/N: 2 fics in one week? Oh my gods, who is this writer and what have they done with Persephone? Enjoyy yall- I really enjoyed writing this one!  

Read on A03

“Hands off sunshine!” Nico warned as he held the bottle of vodka above his head, his arms outstretched.

“Give meee!” Will cried, his hand sloppily hitting Nico’s arm. The summer air was warm and Nico could feel the thin layer of sweat on his forehead- considering he had to stay in his tiptoes to hold the bottle above Will.

“Will, you didn’t even drink that much! How are you so drunk?”

“You don’t love me! Do you love me?”

“Of course I love you, ya little drunk shithead. You are totally wasted, no matter how many times you will doubt it,” Nico sighed, throwing Will’s arms over his shoulders in a vain attempt to carry him back to Cabin 7.

Will gave one long blink. Then another. “ Where are we going?”

“To your cabin. I’d shadow travel but I've seen a regular person’s reaction to that, I don’t want to see what chaos would come out of shadow travelling a hot drunken mess.”

“Did you just call me a mess?” Will pouted.

“Yes but I called you a hot mess. Focus on that part. It was mostly a compliment.”

“You’re sooo mean to meee. Do you even love me?”

“Yes I love you, stop being so heavy and carry your own legs please.” Nico shifted his back under the weight of his boyfriend's entire body and tried to manage a few steps- they would have been easy if his boyfriend wasn’t so damn fit and if he himself wasn’t slightly inebriated.

“Ni-” Will hiccuped. “-Co!”

“Yes?”

“Do you love me?”

Nico sighed again, slightly frustrated by the constant question. “Yes I love you, ask again and the answer may vary.”

“Phi Phi is so much nicer than you,” Will grumbled, his head leaning into the crook of Nico’s neck. Nico could smell the twinge of alcohol in Will’s breath along with the regular smell of the spearmint gum he would always be chewing.

“Phi Phi?” Nico snorted. “ Who in the name of God is that?”

“Your stepma! Phi Phi! She gave me so many nice flowers last time we visited!” Will paused before giving Nico an innocent look of disapproval. “ Do you not remember Phi Phii?”

Will accidentally dragged out the last ‘ee’ syllable in the word ‘phi phi’ making it sound like he was a 3 year old trying to read for the first time. Nico almost shivered at the mention of his stepmother; the last time he checked, she still had at least 157 variations of dandelions that she could turn him into the second he did anything going against her liking- afterall, she may have been the Goddess of the Spring but she was still the Queen of the Underworld.

“Yes, of course I remember Phi Phi.” He lowered his voice as he muttered the next few words under his breath to prevent them from being heard. “ How could I forget her and her stupid dandelions?”

“Phee Pheeee!”

“What about Phi Phi?”

Will paused for a few seconds. He tilted his head looking at Nico. “ Do you love me?”

Nico, awfully frustrated, decided to not answer the question honestly. “ No, I do not love you right now. Drunk you is a mess whom not only subject hops but also cannot walk coordinately.”

Nico did not think Will would take anything he said seriously but to his horror he was greatly mistaken. Will’s slow and steady breathing quickly became a rapid torrent of quick and unsteady breathing. Nico had thought that he was just mucking about but then he felt warm tears stain his shirt.

Tears streamed down Will’s flushed face, his freckles were almost invisible as the tears continued running down his face like a current. His chest racked with sobs and he pulled away from Nico and collapsed on the ground. He buried his head in his hands and let his heart beat harder with every cry that left his lips.

Nico watched, his mouth dropped. He had no idea what he had done or how to make it better. He reached out, trying to console the drunk and overly emotional Will but instead found himself feeling guilt beyond any he had ever felt before.

“Will?” He whispered. “ Will? You’re drunk. I was just joking, I didn’t mean anything I just said.”

Will's loud sobs started to slowly quieten down but the tears still freely ran across his face. He glanced upwards at Nico, his eyes rimmed red. His bottom lip wobbled and his eyes were wet.

“But.. but you said that you don’t love me…”

“I was joking. I was lying. I do love you. Only you.”

Nico plopped himself beside Will and shuffled himself closer, awkwardly. He tried to wrap one of his arms around Will but he found it to be too short and only barely touched Will’s other shoulder. So instead, he settled for rubbing soothing circles on Will’s back, calming him and forcing him to breathe slower.

“How do I know you are not lying to me now?” Will’s eyes were innocent and once again brimming with tears. “I always worry that you're just lying to me and then one day you’re going to just go poof and stupid me will be all sad.”

Nico thought he could feel his own eyes stinging- was this how Will really felt? Was Nico that bad a boyfriend that Will felt that every word, every kiss, every moment was a lie? Or did Will just consider himself so unloveable that every good thing that ever happened to him was just temporary or fake?

Nico glanced at the blonde eyelashes that were clad together with tears.

What happens inside that gorgeous head of yours, Solace?

“I love you William Andrew Solace. I choose you. You’re my significant other, significant annoyance- whatever you want to call it. And if I ever disappear, you’re sure as hell coming with me.”

Will wrapped his arms tightly and unexpectedly around Nico’s waist- causing Nico to be pushed onto his back while Will snuggled into his abdomen. Nico could feel his t-shirt stick to him due to the tears from Will’s face.

“I love you soooo much,” Will murmured into Nico’s stomach. Nico could feel his breathing hitch at the words. Nico kissed Will- light and innocent. That's what the kiss meant. He could taste the salty tears on Will’s lips and the bitter aftertaste of the vodka on his tongue. The kiss was quick, chaste and it may have not satisfied Will’s desire but it made him feel safe.

And to both of them, that’s all that mattered.

Will awoke the next morning with several life regrets but none as strong as the stupid amount of alcohol he had decided to consume the previous day or night. He could barely remember anything- let alone figure out where in the name of Zeus he was. The cabin seemed dreary but at the same time it was beautiful. It was dark and light and terrifying and beautiful all at the same time.

Wait. What Cabin was this? Whose Cabin was this? He didn’t think there was any Cabin that was so roomy with such a lack of accommodation. He almost felt like he was in a Cabin for a child of the Big Three- He remembered the one time he had taken a glimpse of the Poseidon Cabin and he remembered it to be huge- something he deeply envied Percy for.

It was only until Will noticed the black clad figure kneeling beside him that he realised where exactly he was. Beautifully tousled hair, gorgeous lips and eyes that one could get lost in forever- he only knew one person with features so defining. The question was, what on earth was he doing in Cabin 13?

Cabin 13- His boyfriend's cabin. Immediately, Will scrambled upwards. He looked Nico straight in the eye and tried to recall to what extent he embarrassed himself as a drunken idiot last night.

“How bad was it?”

“Shall I sugar coat it or give it to you straight?”

Will managed to squeak out, “Give it to me straight.”

“You tried to get into my pants and talked about how hot you thought I was.” Nico shrugged nonchalantly.

Will blanched and he immediately wished that had asked for the sugar coated version. He heard Nico laughing and he could feel his nerves both calm down and panic at the same time. Nico’s laugh was calming and beautiful and warm and made him feel all fuzzy like he was under a fluffy blanket. But he worried for what reason Nico was laughing.

“Calm down sunshine. I was joking- you should have known that I wouldn’t have been able to give it to you straight. You just asked dumb questions and cried a bit.”

“I cried?”

“It’s not a big deal.” Nico batted his hand. Will collapsed back onto the bed with an ‘ow’ and groaned something unintelligible about it being ‘too early in the morning for this’.

“It’s actually 1 in the afternoon but to each their own I guess.”

Will wanted to shout WHAT but he did not want to rack his head with an already painful headache so he instead settled for dropping his jaw.

“Close your mouth sunshine unless you plan on using it,” Nico mumbled. Will felt his jaw drop further before he snapped it back and swore internally. He made a mental note to never have a hangover near Nico because he would use it to his advantage.

“So why exactly did I cry yesterday?” Will asked as he sipped from the glass of water that had been placed at the bedside by, he could only assume, Nico. Will noticed that when asked that question, Nico tensed, his hands digging slightly into his jeans.

The corner of Will’s lips tilted upwards. “ What did you say?”

“What makes you think I said anything? Drunk you is a crybaby and you know it,” Nico huffed defensively, refusing to meet Will's eye.

“Yeah but you’re acting guilty.”

“What if I killed some boring skeleton zombie this morning and I’m only now mourning their already dead body?”

“Spare me the dark and frankly dry humour,” Will deadpanned, excited to hear the cause of his outburst yesterday.

Nico mumbled something under his breath, all while looking away from Will.

“What?”

“I said,'' Nico took a deep breath. “That I didn't love you-”

“-What?”

“But it was a joke!”

Will could feel his stomach churning and he couldn't tell if it was from the hangover or the current situation. He managed to resist a gag. “How is that a joke?”

Will’s voice was so hoarse and weak, Nico thought that he was going to break into tears all over again and he knew that if that happened, he would end up with tears flooding his own face.

“It’s because, well, drunk you kept on asking Do you love me and of course I do but drunk you is just so heavy and you kept on asking and so I of course gave a sarcastic quip and you just burst into tears and..”

Will stared at Nico and for a second, Nico was terrified that he had really blown it.He watched as his boyfriend buried his face into his hands and began shaking. His back was shivering and Nico could hear little whimpers.

“Fuck.” Nico had subconsciously let the profanity pass through his lips.

Will, suddenly, threw his head back and his laugh echoed around the empty Cabin 13. Nico felt stuned. Was he laughing in rage? Should he run?

“Will. I am so so sorry. I swear, it was a joke. I love you, I chose you William Andrew Solace. I’ll do it again and again.”

“You,” Will wheezed. “ Idiot! Did you really get so worked up over drunk me being dramatic? I was being hyperbolic!”

Nico tilted his head ever so slightly but his ravenous locks still fell over his eyes however he didn’t seem to mind as he made no effort to move it from his sight.

“So… you aren’t mad?”

“I mean I won’t reject any special treatment if you were thinking of offering as a way of showing your sorrow,” Will teased.

“Shut it.” Nico pouted. “ Do I not get a dramatic love confession? I gave you two.”

Will raised his eyebrow and threw his legs over the edge of the bed. “ If I can count correctly, and I can, I only recall one dramatic love confession.”

“You were too drunk to remember the first one.”

Will let out a groan before softly smiling.”I love you. I choose you, Nicolo Di Angelo.”

“Don’t call me Nicolo!”