#and for the reminder to never take this hellsite seriously

[stormyrainyday]

Wow you're a basic bitch 🤣 most braindead stardew take I've ever seen "ew facial hair on an adult man, that's why I prefer the emo boy" hilariously weak

me: *expresses deep fondness for a character, including both his design and personality, but dislikes one thing about his appearance*

tumblr:

[beefrobeefcal]

Tah-tah 2023!

I can be a sentimental beef sometimes, but I will try to keep that to a minimum for brevity’s sake.

When I joined this community as the Beefro you know, I was struck by how quickly people were willing to interact and engage - randomly appearing in my inbox and dm’s. Some of the people I’ve met on here have become such dear friends to me over the past six months that I consider them just as important as the ones I have face-to-face interactions with. I’ve never been apart of an online community in this way before and I’m thankful.

I'm thankful for not only the people I've met, but for Pedro bringing us together. And for the absolutory depraved smut he has inspired us to expel and devour. Seriously. I have never felt so... so... full of yearning for a fictional character, enough so to propel me into writing an AU about him in a Boston.

All jokes aside, though, I am even more thankful for the hard work you have put into the pieces of fiction that deserve far more recognition that this hellsite can muster. I have have laughed, cried, screamed, wailed, felt joy and sorrow, felt fulfilled and empty from the fics I have read this year, and I cannot wait to see what you have for 2024.

I know that for many, 2023 threw lemons the size of blue whales at you and I’m thankful that you’re here and still sharing with us! I’m grateful for your vulnerability and to see that we are not alone in our hurt. I think this year, I’ve learned that ‘Misery loves company’ is not about finding others to fester with; it’s about getting through with the support of your mutual strugglers. I love this take. And I love you.

Another lesson I have learned is to not be competitive. I have a fantastic core community here in the Bistro and #beefro-is-blessed. But that doesn’t stop the little nagging voice that says ‘you’ll never have that many followers’ or ‘you’re too niche for your fics to get any more interactions’ when I see the engagement other writers get. I’m learning to be ignorant to that voice because I write for me. And for you (if you want it. If not, I love you anyway). And everyone in this community deserves to be celebrated for their contributions and achievements, no matter how big or small.

I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, but you’ve never been anything but kind. This reformed emo loner never knew this could be a thing and I don’t take this for granted. My resolution for 2024 is to be more present and supportive of the community that reminded me how much I love storytelling. And also, to go to space…

Oh look at me going on… brevity’s sake indeed.

Beefro👌🥩💜

PS: A gigantic, huge, beautiful, smudgy, wet kiss to each of you. And a special thanks to my repeat offenders: @theywhowriteandknowthings @neverwheremoonchild @thehalflifeofloveisforever @toxicanonymity @xdaddysprincessxx @noxturnalpascal @gasolinerainbowpuddles @sheepdogchick3 @wintrwinchestr @deathsholywaterr @clawdee @pedroshotwifey @gwendibleywrites @thehandalorian @vabeachazn @fullldash @harriedandharassed @nerdieforpedro @romana-after-dark @umnitsa @rebel-held @yahtiwakitakos @pop-sugar102 @sp00kymulderr @covetyou @yorksgirl @pr0ximamidnight @blackmetalamazon @chute-etoiles @josephquinnswhore @ghoulettesinspace @suzdin @silkniche @bonezone44 @fhatbhabie @emilyjustemily @famoushoneybee @maryrhodalouandted @missredherring @iamasaddie @lost-in-relative-dimensions @quinnnfabrgay ... and many, many more! (if i missed, you, send me a dm and I'll atone for my sins)

[hrodvitnon]

Ok, forgive me if the following is a bit aggro but I feel like a lot of people seem to forget some very important facts about Godzilla (the IP, not the character)

I genuinely can't take people who place blame on directors for 'bad Godzilla characterization' seriously. Especially Dougherty and Wingard. Before I get into my rant, I just feel the need to remind everyone of this quote Wingard gave in regards to writing Godzilla for GvK:

Toho actually has an entire laundry list of rules Godzilla needs to follow that came out around GvK's release. The actual list is super long and with a lot of frankly weird points, but this is one of their main ones. Theatrical Godzilla doesn't emote. That is what they tell directors and that's a rule they need to follow. But, on the same token, there are ways around it and some directors are afforded some negotiating power on this front. The quote, for example, is in reference to Goji's famous smile from GvK.

One of the largest ways around it in fact is having characterization come from external sources that aren't the films. In fact, almost every single piece of info that builds Godzilla's character in the MV comes either from moments in the films that are intentionally vague, things like the comics or novelizations, or Word of God tweets from Edwards and Dougherty (sidenote: the reason you never hear about stuff like the Dougherty tweets coming from Wingard is that he literally doesn't have Twitter. A lesson I think we can all learn from). This is not unintentional, these are literally the only times they're allowed to get away with breaking a few of these rules.

Wingard, Doughtery, Edwards- all are huge Godzilla fanatics and it gets on my nerves a tad when people tear into them for rules out of their control. I probably don't need to tell everyone that Dougherty used to retweet ship art for Mothzilla and engaged with fans at length back when he was still on Twitter (Oh yeah, he also has since left Twitter. Man, maybe these directors had the right idea or something?); and Wingard has come out saying he wants to do a Godzilla-focused movie next if Legendary lets him come back, probably because he himself recognizes he's been playing favorites a little bit. I'm sure the directors would love to give Godzilla more depth and personality, it's just that Goji's always been Toho's favorite boy that they're very picky about. Like- I hate to be that guy- but we easily could've gotten the Transformers treatment and gotten saddled with a director like Michael Bay for one of these films and the Monsterverse would be dead on arrival. These people clearly care but are obliged to follow some ground rules they may or may not agree with. Godzilla's characterization is left mostly ambiguous for this reason. Audiences are supposed to fill in the blanks. Hell, people in this blog/hellsite have already done that! We've done that with our own interpretations and that's what the directors are going for in lieu of being allowed to do that themselves. May just be a me thing, but I'd much rather have audience interpreted characterization and very high quality content then shitty/no content and Godzilla becoming a dead franchise again.

And- in regards to the Twitter stuff-

-I don't care. Nobody should care. Just- just don't even give them the light of day and let their asinine takes die in the darkness. It's better this way.

I understand all this. I understand. I've heard that Toho has their rules for what not to do with their favorite monster, and I still think "Godzilla can't emote" is a dumb rule, but what the fuck can I do about it beyond the usual fan content. I know this. I get it.

I'm just getting tired of discussing it and want to stop before the discussion starts going in circles or something.

I'm going to go outside for a while.

[nothere-notthere-nowhere]

Oblivious

Word count: 1509

Genre: fluffy as fuck

Pairing: Wanda x Fem!Reader

Warnings: very brief mention of trauma (nonspecified), let me know if I need to add any

Summary: When Wanda goes on a date with Vision, you’re left to question your feelings while Natasha laughs at you.

A/N: Hi, this is my first piece I’m posting. I’ve been a long time reader on this hellsite but this is the first time I’m actually posting my own writing. I’m open to feedback! Forgive any mistakes, I did not edit this :)

You weren’t necessarily a jealous person. Well, you had been, but you moved past it. You learned that you didn’t, and shouldn’t, be possessive of your friends. It was hard, coming into a new place and wanting the pretty girl with long brown hair to spend all her time with you. Especially since you’d never had a friend before.

But now, you were questioning your sanity.

Wanda had announced to you that she was going on a date. Your heart sunk and something close to rage was burning through your veins. You couldn’t understand why! Wanda had talked about Vision before and you always had to remind yourself that she was friends with the other Avengers too. It had never bothered you this much.

But you had to come up with a bullshit excuse as to why you couldn’t gush about what she would wear or where they would go, because you thought your head was going to explode. You knew Wanda was upset by that, but you needed to figure this out.

“I seriously don’t understand what’s going on!” You pulled at your hair in frustration. “I mean seriously, I thought I’d worked through all the trauma and shit. Like Wanda’s not even my only friend. But she was talking about him and I got so mad, Nat, like so, so mad.”

Natasha snorted at you, watching you pace with an amused smirk.

“For real, like, am I a terrible person?” You paused your pacing to stare at her in horror. “I have no claim over her and I’m acting like a-a possessive a-and controlling piece of shit!”

“Okay, calm down.” Natasha told you. She patted the couch beside her for you to sit but you’re too busy overthinking. 

“I can’t calm down! I should be happy for her. But I’m just so angry and I don’t even know why! Vision’s not a terrible person. I mean technically he’s a robot, which is a little odd but-”

“Y/N, relax.” Natasha stands and grips your shoulders, forcing you to look at her. “You have a crush.”

“On Vision?” Your face squished up in confusion. “No, Nat, I’ve talked to him like twice.”

“No, idiot,” She sighs heavily. “On Wanda.”

“No-” You start but then your eyes widen and your jaw drops comically.

Natasha barks out a laugh at your horrified look, only gaining volume as you burn bright red. Clint walks into the living room, taking in the scene and furrowing his brows in suspicion.

“What’s going on here?” He asks, taking in the way the gears are turning in your head.

“I’m gay.” You say confusedly. 

“Yeah?” Clint looks like he’s waiting for you to continue. “Wait is this supposed to be news? I thought everyone knew.”

Natasha is overcome with another wave of laughter and you scratch your head lightly. It made sense, you supposed. You had never taken an interest in boys but you had figured that was because of your upbringing. They don’t exactly give assassins in training a lesson on feelings.

“Oh my god!” Natasha shoves your shoulder lightly. “How are you so oblivious?”

“Well, we’re friends.” You stutter out, still confused. “I thought this was normal!”

“Do you feel like that towards me? Or anyone else?” Natasha rolls her eyes.

“But you’re, like, old.” You dismiss, before squeaking out, “I mean, not old, Nat, but like, Wanda and I are the same age, you know? You’re not old! But you’re not as much a friend as like…. An older sister?”

Natasha’s eyes soften, the corners of her lips quirking up just slightly. You can see the words meant a lot to her, even if they were to cover up an insult. It was true though, Natasha had always had your back. She’d shown you the ropes, made sure you were comfortable, and she was always there for advice. Like the big sister you never had.

“Well, kid,” Clint broke the moment, “now that you’ve had your gay awakening, maybe you should tell Wanda how you feel.”

“What?” Your stomach lurched. “How’d you know-”

“The two of you are inseparable. You literally melt when she’s around.” Your cheeks burn a little at his words. “Seriously, kid. For someone who was trained as a spy, you don’t have an ounce of subtlety.”

“Well, she’s with Vision now anyway.” You can’t help the jealousy and almost sadness that twinge your stomach. “It doesn’t really matter.” 

“I wouldn’t be too sure of that.” Bucky muttered as he passed through the living room.

“Woah, how does everyone know about this but me?” You ask incredulously. Bucky shakes his head at you lightly, a small smile on his face before he leaves the room. 

“Seriously, guys,” You glare at Nat and Clint, “I just figured out I’m gay. Can we at least pretend like it wasn’t obvious.”

“If it’s any consolation, I don’t think Ms. Maximoff knows.” FRIDAY’s voice only makes you groan. 

Nat and Clint begin to laugh at the AI’s teasing but they’re cut off by Wanda storming through the living room. Her head was down, a slight red glow about her, as she passed the group standing by the couches. 

“Wanda?” You call lightly, but she doesn’t stop.

“Ms. Maximoff did not enjoy our date, it seems.” Vision slides through the wall, scaring the shit out of you.

“Stop doing that! And wiat, what?” You question, clutching your chest where your heart was racing. 

“She does not want to be with me.” Visions tells you simply. “She is upset. I do not know why.”

You stand there, wracking your brain for possible explanations. She had been so excited for this date. She’d talked about it for hours the day before, much to your annoyance. So, why would she have been so upset?

“Y/N,” Natasha snapped in front of your face. “Go after her.” She looked exasperated.

“Right!” You stumbled over your own feet racing after your best friend.

But you couldn’t bring yourself to knock on the door. Now that you knew you liked her, it all made sense. Of course you’d be jealous of Vision being able to take her on a real date. So, you stood at her door, trying to figure out what exactly you were going to say to make her feel better, if you even could.

“Y/N, come in already.” Wanda’s soft voice made your heart flutter. Your cheeks burned as you pushed open the door.

Wanda was sitting on her bed, leaning up against her headboard, knees pulled into her chest. She looked nice, even though her brows were furrowed the way they were when she was thinking hard about something.

“What happened?” You asked her, moving to sit on the bed. Your body was tense. Part of you was happy she wasn’t going to date Vision, but that didn’t mean you wanted to see her upset.

“We got as far as the zoo parking lot when I realized that I couldn’t do it.” Wanda fiddled with the crystal on her necklace. “It took going out with Vision to realize that I’ll never be able to feel anything for anyone else.”

“Anyone else?” You questioned. “Wanda, you’ll find someone. We’re still young! You have plenty of time to-”

“No, Y/N,” She gave a small, nearly sad, smile. “I found someone.”

“Oh,” the words startle you. Wanda had never mentioned someone else. The two of you were supposed to be best friends. She found someone and she didn’t tell you?

“It just took half a date with someone else for me to realize that what I feel for her isn’t platonic.”

“What do you mean?” Your eyes were wide as you searched hers for something, anything, readable. The only other girls she was friends with, that you knew, were Natasha and maybe Pepper. But that wouldn’t really make sense.

“I don’t want Vision. I don’t want anyone, really, except you.” You can hear a slight shake in her voice. “I don’t know why it took so long to realize this but, I don’t just have love for you as a friend. I really like you, Y/N.”

“Oh,” You nod. “I’m sorry. This is just a lot. Natasha just told me I was gay like twenty minutes ago.”

Wanda giggled at you. “I guess we’re both a little oblivious, huh?”

“Can I kiss you?” You blurt out, staring at her. “Sorry, uh, let me… It took you going on a date with Vision for me to realize I like you too, or, well, Natasha pointed it out. I was so angry. I thought about beating him up.”

“Y/N,” Wanda pulls you from your rambling. 

“Can I kiss you?” you ask again, too focused on her to be embarrassed. 

Wanda nods, fighting the big grin on her face. She cups your face gently, pulling you to her. Her lips are soft against your own and her hands are warm, her skin smooth. Your head is spinning as you lean into her touch.

Clint was right, you do melt.

[1863-project]

:< The submas community has been starting to tire me out just a little bit as well, but honestly I think that's just a side effect of fandom (it really goes in.... weird places). I honestly enjoy seeing Ingo in PLA- I think I stare at him in disbelief a lot more than I should be, haha. But I agree that the constant angst is exhausting (it took me 3 months to get tired, for the most part. I still enjoy seeing some sad things occasionally, especially the well-written ones). A lot of the angst takes on a vastly different tone from their original source material (I'm mainly speaking about BW/2) and I think in the process of creating angst people kind of... forget that they were just normal people (<- Especially this one, considering all of the ways people start changing their personalities for the sake of a sadder story) with normal jobs and normal lives. One only needs to look at the whole outcry against Ingo balding to see that :< (like!! They are allowed to have features that make them less conventionally attractive! they were never meant to be attractive in the first place! That little detail makes them more "normal," i think. Which is great, it makes them fit into their role as subway bosses and into the BW/2 world, which is full of normal people living their lives with Pokemon). And I say "normal" but really, that's what makes them so fun! I mean, we can see through all your rambles and infodumps on this blog that there's SO much nuance and fun that can be had with these characters and their mundane daily lives (not just angst!).

Anyway errr, I'm sorry that the community has been rather unwelcome(?) to you lately! I remember when the tags were only full of fun submas things and it really has changed drastically...

// It seems that I was not able to go through another ask without rambling at length again aughwehrashg 😭😭, I hope you will take this doodle as a sort of apology(?). You're one of my favourite people in the community (and on this hellsite actually) by virtue of just being such a cool and knowledgeable person. Please get some rest! And I hope you have a nice day or night or whatever time decides to manifest at your location.

This made me cry in a good way (especially Emmet and Eelektross oh my gosh you didn’t have to thank you so much), because your blog is such a bright spot for me in this sea of angst right now and it's very much mutual appreciation from my end!

I actually appreciate the rambles, honestly, because I do them too, and this is a verrrry good one - that's exactly why I don't really engage with a lot of the fan content! They’re not themselves for the sake of the angst, and it’s hard for me to really enjoy things where they’re being written so far off from the characters they actually are. I loved the slice of life stuff, just seeing them being themselves, being happy, and enjoying things - because they remind me so much of myself, it was like I was being given permission to exist, too.

And yeah, a lot of people have receding hairlines - some even pretty young! It doesn’t make them appalling, it’s just part of human aging, and that’s normal. (For all we know, he could even just have gotten messed up and needed to shave it down, or he’s temporarily wearing it in a more ‘traditional’ hairstyle. Lice were a problem historically so long hair isn’t always the best idea in a historical setting - sorry, Melli!)

Anyway, you never need to apologize for rambling or sharing your thoughts, because I love reading them (I seriously do read your tags every time), and I’ll definitely do my best to get some rest after all this because based on my emotional state I probably need it!

[juuls]

So the good news is I’m not dying (well, let’s give it another 50 or so years then check back on that 😋)

I told a couple people but mostly kept it between my dad and I; at least, I told him stuff before my besties because I’m a daddy’s girl and I wanted comfort and hugs and someone physical to cry on.

And okay, look, what I’ve been experiencing is nowhere near as bad as others have it, but this was the worst case of nauseating gastrointestinal distress I have ever experienced to the point I woke up at 3am this morning, threw up for the 10th day in a row, clutching at my upper abdomen and barely able to walk (no one else was around to help me get there). Anyway, no one wants cramps where they’re not supposed to be on women—felt like when I ruptured an ovarian cyst a few years ago along with kidney stones another time, just felt higher up the abdomen.

Two points about the personnel at hospitals and how people with fibromyalgia get treated. One bad, and one surprisingly good.

The triage nurse told me I shouldn’t be wasting hospital time (there was no else in the waiting room because it was goddamn 5am) and that all ‘normal visits’ should be conducted through general practitioners/family doctors. Never mind the fact that the 2018 census showed 241 doctors for every 100,000 people. Which is abysmal, and I’m so lucky to have the same one for 20 years now. Anyway I told her in a snippy tone (I get bitchy when people imply I’m a hypochondriac or wasting people’s valuable space and resources as a disabled person) that a) it currently takes 6 weeks to get an appt with my doctor and that’s why I book two months in advance, but am shit out of luck if something pops up between all that. Like, I get a d understand and take precautions with Covid. But like??? Sometimes people need to have their abdomen poked and prodded which…

Might actually save my life/or from a long recovery surgery, or a lifetime of having to plan his and grandma’s days around his (I’m now learning: hereditary— thanks grampy) disease. But yeah this female doctor in probably her late thirties comes in and actually TAKES ME SERIOUSLY. I did also start the meet and greet by expressing concern over her doing what countless others have done…. Blame it all on the Fibromyalgia (oh you have a concussion Tommy?? Keep playing, it’s just your fibro!” Bitch please. Anyway. She said she absolutely understood and would help me figure out what feelings were fibro, and which were abnormal for anyone. Reminds me of this tweet I found around this hellsite:

But I’m so grateful she listed and she actually ordered all the blood panels they have available at this rural hospital, took x-rays, did a physical exam… and after all that and the tests she semi-smiled at me and said “well it’s not fibromyalgia” and I about cackled.

But yeah, if you start throwing up for no reason for 10 days in a row (plus some other gross things I shall not mention), please go to the hospital. Apparently I have something fucked up going on in my large/small intestine and perhaps colon. She was worried enough about me, since they don’t have the tech there except x-rays, that she said she’d bully my do tor into seeing me sooner so he can arrange some, uh…. Well; some not bad; some uuuugh…. tests to figure out wtf is going on.

I didn’t even know what was going on! So hard to explain pain when you’re in pain every day. Bah. But she helped and had excellent bedside manners and took me seriously. One of the best feelings as a fibro patient.

Only problem with it not being fibro… is you only have deductive reasoning and tons of tests to do. She told me if I don’t vet these tests done, I could die from a rupture or whatever term she used. Though I do know what sepsis is! Yay! *rolls eyes*

I’m just glad I didn’t talk myself out of going to the ER, because I was worried it ‘wasn’t serious’ enough…. Yeah well, your body can lie to you! Jerk body.

So yeah now I have a plan of action, new medications to hopefully last me until the more thorough tests are conducted.

I don’t want to be (more) sick, but I’ve always believed in knowing what can happen to your body even if it’s a bad thing. And maybe we caught this early.

All I can ask for now is this, though: please please please no more upchucking every day, or at leat only for a few days.

God, it’s been a miserable 10 days, but I still somehow feel better. Knowing does that. :)

(P.S. I’m not intending this as a ‘woe is me’ thing because sometimes people do care about how their friends are doing, and also because I am a hug supporter of listening to your body and judging WHEN not IF you go to the doctor about it. I hope this post helps that attitude somewhat.)

Anywho, we’ll see how the tests do (whenever that may be, because of Covid) and treagmt with meds a d adjust food until I learn more.

Take care. Be safe. Stay well!!!! ❤️

[my-strange-attraction]

hi~~

I've seen you give advice to other anons and you seem like you really know what you're talking about so I hope you don't mind me asking for some advice.

ATM I identity as aroace. I've never had a proper crush despite already being a hs junior and I really thought I never could but I might have found an exception and now I'm very confused. I have for sure realized that I am ace so it's just the aro part of my identity I'm struggling with. There's his guy in school and we are friends but I think I might have feelings for him, I'm just not sure what feelings they are. We talk a lot and we're pretty close considering how little time it's been since we've been friends. I'm just not sure if I actually have a crush or if I'm just fixating on him because I don't have a lot of guy friends. I'm Desi, and it's been pretty hard to feel "desirable" as a girl living in America so I'm worried I might just be craving male validation. I had some issues with my gender identity a few months ago for a similar reason, not feeling connected to the western image of femininity, so I'm worried this might be caused by a similar sentiment

Hi anon! Ok so these are some really good questions (questions? ponderings? idk) and it reminds me a lot of some stuff I went through in high school in regards to sexual/ romantic identity and also some stuff I've gone through more recently in regards to my gender identity. Now, I know this advice is going to sound so basic but it's really helped me out in the long run and I think it's probably what you need to hear too: In the end, it doesn't matter where your feelings are coming from--they're still your feelings, and you should follow them and do what makes you happy regardless.

Let me expand a bit on that. I can see you're doing a lot of questioning of yourself and your motivations, and questioning of what you're feeling. I know it goes against everything you've heard here on The Hellsite™ but I need for you not to analyze yourself and try to parse out where your feelings are coming from. Ask yourself: does it really matter why you don't feel connected to your agab? Will knowing it's because you're Desi change the way you feel? Will it change the fact that your self perception of your gender doesn't line up with the western image of femininity? Probably not, so what's the point on analyzing it?

Now I know that was just an example of something in the past, so let's apply it to this current situation. Feelings for people are a bit more tricky than feelings about yourself, so it's not an exact method (and I have some more to add to this advice after this) but consider your feelings for this friend. If you enjoy hanging out with him and you're close with him and you know you feel some sort of feelings for him, how much will it help to analyze where these feelings are coming from? If he makes you happy to hang out with him and gives you some sort of warm fuzzy feelings, does it really matter if you're just fixating on him because he's a guy? They're still your feelings, whether they come from a place of liking him as a person or if they're helped out by the fact that he's a guy and you don't have many guy friends.

Now, just because we've established the validity of your feelings doesn't mean you have to do anything about them. There's this idea that society has ingrained in us that if you have a feeling about someone you need to follow that, and that's just not true. Sometimes the timing is right, or sometimes you know it wouldn't actually work out no matter what your feelings are trying to tell you, or a billion other scenarios that I won't type out because this is, of course, getting long because I'm me.

No matter what, it seems like you guys have a solid friendship, and you having some sort of feelings doesn't have to change that. If you want it to change, then that's great, and he seems like someone you can trust not to hurt you from what you've told me, but if you still think you've got some work to do on yourself, in figuring out who you are, in getting more comfortable with your identities, or getting more comfortable with not fully knowing or understanding your identities, then that's cool too.

The advice I've given you today isn't a one size fits all and I'm not super experienced in this stuff myself, but what I do know is that nothing in high school sticks past graduation. I had a similar situation to you where I thought I had a crush on a guy because he was my first guy friend ever and it went on for a while. Nothing ever became of it because we weren't that close but thinking back on it, even if I had dated him and then realized I was very, very aroace, I'd still be in the same place I am now. High school (and college for that matter, seriously why am I acting like I'm so much older, I'm literally still a sophomore in college) is a very exploratory period in your life and if you spend all that time constantly questioning your own motivations I think you're taking it too seriously. Have fun, make mistakes, figure yourself out somewhere along the way. Better to do it all now than when it actually matters, right?

I hope this helped and wasn't too long, anon. You can definitely always come to me for advice and I'll do my best to help out from my own experiences. Also anyone who has some additional advice, you know you're always welcome to add on!

[firstdegreefangirl]

OK, I have no idea what happened to it ((my guess is that the blue hellsite decided it was snacktime and ate the thing)), but ages ago, @kitkat0723 sent me an ask prompting the following: 

May I pleaseeeeee request #11 back hugs and #15 The biggest warmest hugs 

This is my fill for that, in this text post, because Tumblr disappeared the ask when I tried to save it in my drafts. Who knows? Anyway, it got much longer than intended, but I'm chalking that up to that it's technically two prompts, one fic. Heads up, there’s some frustratedDad!Eddie in here. Everything is all good by the end, and it’s nothing too severe, but if that’s not your kinda thing, no hard feelings. Other than that, enjoy!

Eddie’s staring at his hands, wrapped so tightly around the edge of the kitchen counter that he can see his knuckles turning white. His back is strained, muscles pulled taut against the effort it takes to support his head right now. When he flexes his fingers, it’s like he can feel the bones scraping together, hear the grinding echoing in his head.

It’s like a garbage disposal, sucking his thoughts down into its spinning blades. Except that the thoughts don’t go anywhere, and he’s still stuck thinking them.

He’s the worst dad in the world, and his kid doesn’t even have a mom to go running toward.

He can’t believe himself, yelling at Chris, sending him to his room without dessert just because he copped an attitude about his math homework.

(Actually, he did that because Chris kept rolling his eyes and calling his teacher a ‘stupid jerkface.’ Eddie met her at conferences; he might not be wrong, but that doesn’t mean it’s OK to say it out loud. Especially when Eddie told him more than once to stop.)

But it’s been a long day, for both of them. Eddie’s coming fresh off of an 18-hour shift, and apparently Chris had a pop quiz in social studies he wasn’t prepared for. So tensions were already running high before Buck cleared the pizza boxes away, turning the kitchen table into a makeshift classroom. (And honestly, what would any of them do without Buck, swooping in with delivery dinner to take at least one thing off of Eddie’s to-do list?)

Then Eddie had spent 45 minutes trying to remember how to divide fractions. Every time he’d tried to suggest something – anything at all, from “let’s look in your textbook” to “I think you flip one of them upside down – he'd been met with a long-suffering sigh and an eye-roll that would make Anderson Cooper proud.

“Why do I have to do this anyway? Math is stupid, and my teacher is stupid, and I’m stupid, and all of it’s stupid!” Chris would shout, or some variation thereof.

And eventually, Eddie had had enough. Enough of trying to rationalize through it. Enough of Buck looking at him helplessly and shrugging his shoulders because he’s no more useful with fractions than Eddie is. Enough of Chris’ high-pitched whine, the way he flopped back in his chair and groaned. Enough reminding him to use his words, that he’s a smart kid, that they’ll get through this together.

Enough of all of it.

“Fine, you don’t want to do your homework? That’s fine!” Eddie had shouted, pushing his chair back from the table with enough force to wobble it onto two legs. “But if you’re not going to work on this, then you can go put your pajamas on and brush your teeth. No TV and no ice cream until your worksheets are done, I don’t care how long it’s going to take. I’m not doing this with you all night, go to your room!”

Chris had stared at him, eyes wide and mouth agape in shock, before thinking better of it and running off. The sound of his crutches echoing was enough to shake Eddie from his stupor, but when he’d looked at Buck, who was already looking back, concern etched across his face, he’d snapped again.

“I can’t sit there all night and watch him stare at a piece of paper. I don’t want to hear it from you either, OK? Just …” Buck’s eyebrows had pushed closer together, and the anger bled out of Eddie again. His voice cracked as he continued. “Just give me a minute, OK? Please?”

Then he’d pushed past Buck to go stare out the kitchen window, before he could say anything else to hurt someone he loves.

Which brought him to now, clinging to the countertop like the world might swallow him whole if he lets go. Honestly, he’d probably deserve it, for raising his voice at his son and at his boyfriend, all in one breath.

He exhales shakily, screwing his eyes shut against the tears that are threatening to burn hot, salty tracks down his face.

He’s the worst dad in the world, and he sent his kid to his room, and Buck probably left too, and there’s nothing he can do about it.

But he can’t give in to the anger, can’t let it take over the definition of his day. He remembers Frank saying something about that, how it’s maybe not a bad day, just a bad moment that he’s milking all day. And he doesn’t want to do that, especially not where Chris is involved. So he takes another deep breath, and a few more after that.

He’s still breathing slowly, counting every second of air in and out of his lungs, when he feels a heavy, sold weight drape across his back.

He relaxes into the contact, knows who it is before Buck can even slide his arms around Eddie’s waist. Buck holds him tightly, crouches down far enough to bury his face in Eddie’s neck, waits patiently for their breathing to even out until they’re sharing the same rhythm.

Buck stands there, holding him tightly and long enough that Eddie doesn't feel like the world is going to beat him anymore. He holds Eddie until he feels strong enough to let go of the counter with one hand and wrap his fingers around Buck’s where they’re pressing into his stomach. His wrist won’t turn far enough to tangle their fingers together, but Buck lets Eddie hold onto his hand, squeezes back as best as he can when Eddie tightens his grip.

And after a long moment, when Eddie finally turns himself around in Buck’s arms, Buck is still there. He’s there for Eddie to cling to, adjusts his grasp so Eddie can get his hands high enough to wrap around Buck’s shoulders and fist in the back of his T-shirt. He’s there for Eddie to bury his face against Buck’s chest and let out one last long, shuddery sigh.

And he’s there when Eddie leans back, just far enough to see Buck’s face when he opens his mouth.

“Buck, I--”

“It's alright, I know, you’ve had a long day. No hard--” Eddie cuts him off, before he can supply the word “feelings.”

“It’s not. It’s not alright. I overreacted, and I lashed out, and I’m sorry.” Eddie sighs and leans his forehead back against Buck’s shoulder. “I shouldn’t have … I was out of line. You didn’t deserve that. You haven’t done anything tonight but try to help – and you have helped. I don’t know how I’d have gotten through tonight without you. Even if I screwed up royally.”

“You didn’t ‘screw up royally.’” Buck runs his hand up and down Eddie’s back, a hundred times more gentle than he deserves tonight. “You got frustrated, you snapped a little bit, but you backed off before you went too far. Eddie, babe, it happens. Trust me, from having parents who did screw up in a million different ways, I seriously doubt Chris is going to be talking about this in therapy in 20 years.”

“Oh god, Chris.” Eddie rears back again, dropping his hands to Buck’s sides, but not letting go of him. “I … I yelled at him and took away his dessert. Over math homework.”

“Over his attitude toward math homework.” But Buck’s words fall on deaf ears.

“He called himself stupid, and I yelled at him.”

“Eddie, hey.” Buck squeezes Eddie’s bicep gently until he can bring himself to make eye contact. “He’s doing good. I went back and talked with him, helped him get ready for bed. No progress on the math homework, but he’s jammied, and his teeth are brushed, and last I looked, he was working on the latest Captain Underpants book. He was a little worried that you were upset with him, but we talked, and he knows you had a long day, and he was being difficult and --”

“He’s not a difficult kid.” He’s not, truly, and Eddie had long ago promised himself that he’d never make Chris feel like he is.

“Maybe not, but even good kids have their moments. He knows that it’s not his fault, and that we both still love him very much. And you know what?” Eddie hums, but doesn’t say anything. “He asked me to come see if you were OK. ‘Dad must have had a really bad day,’ he said. ‘I think he might need some help with it, but I should stay in here, so I don’t get in trouble again.’”

Eddie sniffles, tears in his eyes for an entirely new reason now. Even after all of the mistakes he’s made – not just tonight, but especially now – he's still got such a sweet kid, with so much empathy, and the biggest heart of anyone he’s ever met. How many 11-year-olds would get yelled at and immediately want to make sure their dads are OK?

He doesn’t know for sure, but he’s willing to be that the number isn’t large.

“I should go talk to him,” Eddie sighs, finally stepping back far enough that he has to let go of Buck.

“I think he’d like that. Want some support?”

Eddie thinks for a moment, then nods. He doesn't know how he’d have gotten through this much of tonight without Buck, and he really doesn’t want to do the next part by himself either. He leads the way down the hall, but Buck catches his hand along the way. This time, their fingers fit together perfectly.

He stops at the doorway to Chris’ room, takes a second to look at his son, lying on top of the covers with his knees bent up to balance his book. He’s completely oblivious to the audience until Eddie knocks gently on the doorframe.

“Hey, Chris,” he starts, then realizes he doesn’t know where the sentence was meant to be going.

“Dad!” Chris sits up and grins. He grins, and Eddie’s heart swells. “Buck said you had a bad day. Do you need a hug?”

“Yeah,” Eddie nods, stepping forward until he can sit on the edge of the mattress. “Yeah, I think I do.”

The next thing he knows, Chris is all but launching himself at Eddie’s lap. He flings his arms around his dad’s neck and holds on tight. By the time he’s done squirming, he’s situated himself on top of Eddie’s thighs, chin tucked underneath his head.

He’s almost too big to be held like this, but it doesn’t matter to either of them as Eddie hugs him right back. One hand lands on Chris’ head, ruffles through the thick curls for a moment before gently tugging him back by the shoulder.

“Hey, you know how I always talk about setting a good example for the people around you?” Chris nods hesitantly, like he’s not sure where the conversation is going. But Eddie does, and he knows that everything is going to be OK. He takes a deep breath and continues.

“Well, I need to do that too. And tonight, that means that I owe you an apology.”

[gyuphorias]

babe you’re literally so good at writing dialogue like i have to praise you for it every time, especially in your longer works. every conversation just runs smoothly and is really memorable ?? like even in deans list and laundry day—some of the most memorable parts (besides the smut ofc) is the dialogue and how the conversations just flow smoothly and feel natural. like idk how to describe it but i can feel the words?? it sounds odd but you know how when something really speaks to you or whatever that it sends little shocks throughout your body? that’s what i get when i read your writing !!!!

i’ve always been nervous about writing dialogue, never felt any good at it. description just felt better to me because there’s so much to describe: from the atmosphere to the way a person looks or feels about something in relation to the piece, etc. and you’re just so good at both ??? like it’s so inspiring and honestly makes me want to try and improve my dialogue skills which is something i see as a weakness in my writing.

anyways, this is just me once again telling you how good of a writer you are—from short little one off thoughts to large bodies of work. very sagittarian (literally probably not a word) of you, if i do say so myself.

i think i'll die some day thinking about this message actually! i know exactly what you mean when you talk about feeling the words and getting shivers, and the fact that you get that with my writing? i might just seriously burst into tears right now!

in all honesty, i really do not mean to keep bringing up how long i've been writing fanfiction, but it's kind of hard not to because it's so integral to explaining why and how i write the way that i do. i'm 21 now, i started writing fanfic when i was 9 or 10. i mean, fanfic has been a big part of me for literally over half of my life at this point. i remember writing really shitty fanfic about the hunger games and harry potter that nobody ever read except for me and being so proud of it because i'd worked so hard on it.

so when i transitioned into writing on tumblr at 13 years old (my account from back then is still on this hellsite bc i never got rid of it oh my god end me), i started taking it pretty seriously as a hobby. i wanted my writing to be good. i wanted people to enjoy reading it the way i enjoyed writing it. i mean, i worked so fucking hard at trying to make my dialogue and description skills good. i was putting out a fic literally every single day of the week just because i wanted to practice that badly.

and i'm definitely really proud of where my skills are at now. i go back to read things i wrote almost 10 years ago and sure, i cringe a little, but i have to remind myself that i was learning and crafting a skill that people work so hard to be good at. but i'm also still learning and trying new writing styles and all kinds of stuff. i have things that i want to get better at and i'll have some growing pains trying to get better at those things, but ultimately, it's always going to be worth it.

anyways, this is me telling you that i'm seriously so glad that i found you, decided to become an anon, and then promptly made my own blog to post fic on. you singlehandedly inspired me to start writing and gave me so much confidence when it came to my ability to write smut. i really think i get better at writing every day because of you and so many of our other friends. ilysm dreamie i'm going to reread this ask for the rest of my life <3<3

[taramaclaywasaterf]

EVERY TIME. EVERY FUCKING TIME I TAKE A BREAK FROM THIS HELLSITE WITHOUT FAIL SOME FORM OF “HETEROPHOBIA IS REAL AND THE LESBIANS ARE MEAN FOR TELLING ME OTHERWISE” DISCOURSE COMES BACK TO RADBLR. NOW THIS TIME WITH THE ADDED DASH OF “WHITE PRIVILEGE ISNT REAL, ACTUALLY” SPRINKLED IN THE MIX.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU FUCKING RACIST ASS HOMOPHOBES, OH MY GOD. Seriously how the fuck are you capable of recognizing how sex based oppression is ingrained into everything we touch and watch and think and say, and then turn around and deny that white privilege is real and say that straight women are somehow oppressed for their heterosexuality??? What level of cognitive dissonance even is that?

You idiots preach to TRAs to listen to women of color when they say something they’re doing is racist, and then yall stick your fingers in your fucking ears the second YOU’RE the ones being called out! Just admit you don’t actually give a shit about racism except to further your own agenda!!

And, like, for the record here, I’m white, so I don’t want to sound like I’m trying to distant myself from my whiteness or pretend I’m nOt LiKe ThOsE wHiTe PeOpLe or whatever the fuck. I continue to actively work on the racism that was taught to me growing up in America and in a racist, conservative household. It doesn’t fucking happen overnight and anybody who acts like they’re magically not racist just because they’ve discovered radical feminism and read some books by women of color is just flat out lying to themselves. I’m just genuinely fucking sick to death of watching women of color being used as fucking pawns on every side of the political spectrum.

The racist, homophobic bullshit I’m seeing spewed by so-called “radfems” is honestly making me feel sick to my stomach. As a lesbian, it fucking hurts, and it’s infuriating, and I’m so fucking sick of it, and I can only even begin to imagine how beyond tired women of color feel. It seriously just fucking feels like these white and/or straight women will claim to care about women of color and/or lesbians until the second they’re asked to address their own bigotry and racism and homophobia, and then they just turn around and make it crystal fucking clear that they never actually gave a shit, and rush to remind lesbians of “our place” as big nasty homo dykes, and women of color of their “place” as “lesser” than white people. I’m so fucking tired of this shit, jesus fucking christ.

[chateautae]

hiiii bb, how r u? god, i agree with some ppl, tumblr just keeps eating and eating the asks, its insane😭like i just want to spread love and warmth and tumblr doesnt let meeeee, anyways i hear something about taekook threesome, i hear about sugar daddy jk and woah this all sounds SO EXCITING BUT obv take care of urself and dont rush with anything, stay hydrated and ily💜i feel like my messages r sometimes so repetitive, next time ill just profess my love to u in a different language😂again take care, u r awesome

Aomi my baby!! Oh please I will never tire of seeing you in my inbox, if anything it’s a fruitful part of my day 🥰 and seriously!! I swear tumblr HASNT even been showing me where I’m tagged so fuck this hellsite fr 🖕🏼 but YES YES I’VE GOT LOADS COMING UP!! I feel like I should start keeping a list of works I’m currently writing. That way I can keep track of myself and keep everyone else updated. Right now I’m on a whole ass crazy grind and coming up with like 4-5K per fic PER DAY PEOPLE!!! SAMMY SHALL GET THESE FICS OUT!!

What Sammy’s currently working on:

embers of the fire | ksj

maybe I do | kth. 13

secrets by the shore | pjm.

guns & roses | kth. masterlist

hotter than hell | jjk. (big nudge nudge wink wonk with this 😌)

a secret fic | kth. (it’s part of a secret collab loves SORRY)

hard liquor | myg.

ready or not? | jjk. (second part of here I come)

(reminder that most fics can be found on my masterlist!!)

I LOVE YOU TOO AOMI MUAH MUAH!! And ugh I love hearing you profess your love, keep it coming boo 🥰❤️

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

NSFW Alphabet: Crosshair

A/N: Not officially a request, but I thought I’d better cover the whole Bad Batch while I’m at it. And as a reminder, remember to REBLOG AND COMMENT IF YOU LIKE THIS!!! The tumblr tags are fickle at best and it’s the only real way to support creators on this hellsite.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

He’s always stuck between wanting to keep your body against him, but at the same time not wanting to come across as needy. He’ll probably start kissing your shoulders and neck, before nipping at the skin and telling you to go take a shower. Once you do, he’ll try to play it cool like, “you can stick around if you want, not that I care either way”. But, he does. He does care.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He likes your waist. Odd, but true. It’s the natural place to put his hands when he pulls you close to him. He likes the way you shiver when he runs his fingers along your skin. Not to mention it’s the perfect place to grip you as his fucks you senseless.

For himself, he likes his legs. Yeah, they’re not as thick or muscular compared to regs, but they’re distinctly his. Plus even if he’s not any taller, it helps with the illusion that he is.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

His favorite place to cum is all over your chest and stomach. Seeing you a sweating, blissed out mess with his cum sticking to your skin is the single hottest image his mind can come up with. Second only to you hazily swiping his cum onto you finger and sucking with a moan.

You better be prepared if you do that because you won’t be able to walk the next day.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He has an impressive collection of dirty holos you’ve sent to him while away on missions.  He’s kept every single one.  It’s gotten to the point where he just picks a random holo and that’s the fantasy he indulges in to get himself off until he can see you again.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Like the rest of the batch, he’s had a pretty healthy string of one night stands since leaving Kamino. He actually has the most notches on his bed post which he is not ashamed to bring up whenever Wrecker is getting just a little too cocky. So, he’s pretty experienced all things considered.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Taking you from behind and against a wall. That’s the popular image of him in the fandom and I’m ain’t here to dispute it.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Not funny, but he’s definitely a smug asshole who can’t help but comment on every sound you make.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He keeps it pretty well groomed down there, almost complete shaven.  Also, dark hair down below, if you’re curious. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

It’s very rare for Crosshair to be emotional in bed.  He uses sex more as a way to get rid of tension or get a solid hit of dopamine.  Actually being open with someone is not something he’s comfortable with.

The most intimate he gets is when he feels he might lose you, either in the field or to another man.  Then, he uses it as a way to assure himself you’re with him and his. In that case, it can get pretty intense.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He jacks off often, before and after meeting you.  He’s got a higher sex drive than his brothers and needs someway to work off the tension after a mission.  He prefers doing it in the shower when he has the time, but he’ll honestly whip it out anyplace where he can get some privacy for fifteen minutes.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Let it be recorded that Crosshair is not only a Dom, but the only true Dom in entire Grand Army of the Republic. (With the exception of Commander Wolffe.)

Seriously, the man likes nothing more than pinning you down and using your body as his personally fuck toy.  His ultimate fantasy is keeping you tied up in various positions, your body spread open and willing for him to use whenever the mood strikes him.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Anywhere with a relatively flat surface. I cannot emphasize how much he does not care where he does it: bedroom, shower, locker room, bar bathroom, sparring room, between a couple of boulders out of view of the rest of the Bad Batch. He does not care.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

His ego...let me explain.

There are two ways to really get him going, but they both come down to how they effect his ego.

Number one, praise.  If you compliment him on a shot, confirm that he did, in fact, beat Wrecker at something, or rasp a dirty promise in his ear that he’s the only man who has ever made you cum that hard; that’ll get him going more than anything.

Number two, jealously.  If he sees another man actively flirting with you, he’ll all but sling you over his shoulder and carry you to the closest abandoned alley he can find to fuck you senseless.  He doesn’t care if you were interested in the guy flirting with you or not, you’re his and he needs to remind himself and you of that.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Humiliation for him is a no go. There’s the more obvious stuff, like the idea of you putting him on a leash or something equally degrading just gets him frustrated, and not in a sexy way.  But, more specifically verbal humiliation. He genuinely gets upset if you’re the one to say he’s not good enough for you in some capacity or compare him negatively to somebody else. That’ll kill the mood in seconds.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Much prefers receiving to giving.  Seeing you on your knees with his cock in your mouth his heaven.  And being able to cum all over your face and chest when he’s done? He’s in heaven.

That being said, he’s not bad at giving, he just ends up mostly using his fingers while he runs his mouth.  He can’t help it.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Fast and rough, like all the time.  He basically has no other mode.  Now, whether it’s more intense with pent up emotions or a fun stress reliever depends on his mood.  Either way, if you’re not a sweating, panting mess by the end of it he feels like he’s failed in some way.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Yes.  He’s going to say yes to quickies.  Where ever and whenever is good for him.  But, don’t think it’s really over when it’s over.  He only considers it a preview of what he’s going to do to you once you actually get some time and a little more privacy.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He’s certainly willing to try different positions and kinks, but he’s not big on getting more toys in the mix.  He’s more than happy to tie you up and spank you, but he’s not so keen on adding a paddle or something like that, if that makes any kind of sense.  It’s about his body and what he can do to you.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Just as good as every other clone, with a fantastic recovery time. A solid average of three rounds per night lasting as long as either of you can stand it.

That all being said, he’s in constant competition with himself on how long he can last and for how many rounds.

Current record for time is two hours before he came once with you cumming a total of five times. Current round total is him cumming five times in one night while you lost count of yours.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Surprisingly not his thing. He’s got some cuffs he uses on occasion with you, but not much else. Like I said, he’s in competition with himself, not him and a toy.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He doesn’t tease often, but when he does, he’s an asshole.  He’ll keep you pinned down, lazily rubbing the tip of his cock against your opening, never fully going in until you’re squirming and begging him to just fuck you already.  Sometimes he will and sometimes, he’ll leave you hanging there.  It all depends on his mood.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Not especially. In the beginning he keeps it almost conversational, as he talks dirty into your ear. But, it all changes when he comes to the end. It’s like whatever control he had over his vocal cords gets shut off. He curses a lot combined with grunts and borederline feral growls as he rams his cock harder and deeper into you.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Crosshair has a real jealously streak, especially when it comes to regs. 

While he’s confident in his abilities, he’s aware more than Wrecker or even Tech that they’re basically a bunch of freaks the Republic likes to keep under wraps.  A funny little lab experiment.  While regs were made just as much as he was, they actually have a chance at being...well, normal after all is said and done.  He’s not sure he’ll ever be normal.  So, the fear of you realizing you’re dating an actual freak of nature weighs on him constantly.

He needs to remind himself that you’re with him, that you chose him and you’re not going to walk away.  It drives him crazy that you make him feel that way, but it’s the truth.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Just as long as his clone brothers (a solid 8-inches), but not as thick.  Not that he need that extra edge.  His talent is precision after all.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

I’d say he has the highest of the batch, actually getting agitated if he hasn’t had a good fuck in more than a few days.  His hand can only do so much for him before he gets down right hostile.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

I’d say it takes him a solid half-hour to finally fall asleep after sex. He’d never tell you, but he likes the feeling of you asleep in his arms. He’ll savor it for as long as he can.

[interstellix]

to those who made my 2020 a little better,

i just wanted to let each one of you know that you mean tons to me and that you truly have, in one way or another, made this year better. i’ll be honest, 2020 was just not it for me, a whole lot of shit happened and i’ve had countless of days where i’ve been too tired in ways i can’t explain. at the same time though, good things have happened as well, one of them being the people i’ve met on tumblr; some of you i’ve been friends with since before, some of you i got to know this year and some of you even very very recently. still, i can’t thank these people enough because they’ve all been part of making this year less shitty than it would’ve been otherwise. thus, i wanted to at least let the mentioned ones know that they’re the ones part of that

now, i’m really not good with words, and i absolutely Hate being sappy, yet that’s exactly what i’m being here fjkdfk. i’m deadass out here cringing at my own words but please bear with me this one time LMAOO.

tldr; ily and u’re all v v precious people to me

@ohmyhao i don't think i'll ever be able to explain just how precious you are to me, no joke :( i'm almost 100% you're the one who's been sticking around my blog(s) since the very start and i want you to know that, even if we don't talk as often, i'm grateful for each and every day knowing i deadass have someoone like you around. i mean, i'll be honest, i still question your choice of favorite haikyuu characters because oi🤮kawa bUT!! i'll forgive you bc!! you're literally among the cutest people i've ever come across (don't even think of arguing with me this time), you're no joke one of the reasons i continued staying on tumblr and getting to know you is something i'll always feel blessed over 🥰

@kachulein LOL OK i could go on for hours and hours here, mostly because of how many and all the different things we talk about stuff that just shouldn't see the light of the world included. talking to you is something that never fails to make me feel happy but also incredibly at ease; i really, really want you to know that something i’m incredibly grateful for is how i’m comfortable enough with you to be able to talk about things i otherwise just can’t :( aside from that, listen, 99% of our conversation have me wheezing my throat off, like it can get weird af but it still has me laughing. something else i’m really happy is when you put in your two cents in our conversation, i’ve said it before but as someone who struggles with seeing things from more than one perspective, i really admire hearing about your own! all in all, i love you tons and tons, you’re an incredible person through and through and i truly appreciate the time i get to talk to you!

@starryarles i don’t think i tell you this enough but?? mae?? i literally love you so much, legit l-o-mae-l??? i still laugh my ass of looking back at the time you found my other blog and i had to guess which one of my mutuals you were LMAOO listen the panic fjijfkjk. anyway, i absolutely adore every message, ask and comment i receive from you, no joke i always get really happy from each one of them and tbh?? during that long period of time we didn’t talk i genuinely thought you hated me or something HAHAH. turns out that that was not true at all or so i hope and not to sound like a sap but i’m deadass overjoyed that we started talking again. and really, you’re way, way too supportive, i literally don’t deserve how much love i’ve received from you even but please know that i’m grateful for every bit of it and that i love you stupid much and hope we can have another good year together :’)

@milkteandhan you?? are also?? one of the few who have been dealing with my ass literally from the very start?? because i seriously can’t remember having been on tumblr without you around?? BUT ALSO YOU LITTLE SHIT IDGI you bully me to the ends of the fucking world but for some reason?? i still love you?? >:(( ok but jokes aside, i really do love you a lot, i mean i love you as much as you make me suffer and that? that’s a lot :) you drop by my inbox with either the cutest/funniest message or pictures that make me wanna dig my grave but either way, they always make me smile like a fucking moron and listen LISTEN. i really wanna explain to you how much you mean to me but idk where to start bc i can’t. literally just can’t. find the words for that. but all i can say is that meeting you is something i’ll thank any and every damn god out there for and i’m not even religious, like at all fjkdjfkd so yeah. mwah

@astronomlns my god you bitch you bully me almost on the daily and then you?? have the audacity to deny it?? but! that said, i don’t mind lol. one of my biggest regret what goes my “”online-life”” is the awfully long time we didn’t talk but that’s also why i’m mad happy that we actually do now, almost every day even. i’ve already said this before but have the friendly reminder that you’re among the few that i feel really safe when talking. we’ve also pointed out this before but it’s almost been two whole years since we became friends and i hope you can stick with my shit for another whole year. again, you bully me a lot, but i still love you a whole damn lot, never forget that

@lixchannie i’ll be flat out honest, idk what the hell i’m supposed to say here. despite all bullshit that has happened you’ve been there with me this entire, entire time ever since we became friends and i don’t think i’ll ever be able to explain how thankful i am for that. we don’t talk every day and imy when we don’t lmao but tbh i’m fine with that because i’m genuinely glad knowing that i even get to have someone like you in my life. so yeah don’t leave me bc i’ll deadass hunt you to the end of the world

the rest of the “”kin-gang”” like some like to call it @bubbleskz @berryyyyyy @skzbbie we don’t talk as often, v v rarely actually but i want y’all to know that i don’t appreciate and love you any less than i did before we started somewhat losing touch. i don’t like sounding cheesy and shit fjkfkds but let it slide this time, the times we do talk are times i treasure more than i can explain, deadass. i feel like i don’t tell you this enough but you guys are better friends than i could ever ask for. again, we don’t talk as much, but 2020 would’ve sucked a thousand times more if we didn’t talk a lot, so thank you tons for being part of it and i hope you’ll be there for 2021 too :’)

@soulkhunscompass LISTEN. listen. i’ll say it, i’ll just fucking say it: i don’t deserve you at fucking all :///// you’re way too sweet to me, talking to you always makes me smile and laugh, esp when you promise making me food one day ffjdkfjkds. but somehow?? at the same time, and idk how you do it, but somehow SOMEHOW you never fail to make me feel appreciated whenever you tell me sweet ass things. ‘in return’, never forget that both that and you are something i appreciate way way more k >:( and also >:(( never forget that i love you so much, literally more than i love how the corner of felix’s eyes crinkle up whenever he smiles and that’s,,, that’s a damn lot tbh 👉👈

@chwe-yeeun honestly i’m lowkey sobbing while writing this. you’re one of those i only got to know this year, in fact just a few months ago but nonetheless, you’re still one of those i treasure a whole damn lot. like you said, you love making me suffer with pretty boys, it hurts but it’s still funny lmao, i appreciate but also feel bad whenever you have to deal with my bullshit whenever i come crying to you over eric those pretty boys, aNd ThE tImEs yOu SeNd ThAt CuTe HuG?? i return them all, like fr take my heart i don’t need it, it’s your for the taking like literally fuck it. moral of the story, i love you tons and thank you for being there with and for me :’)

@riskyrenjun i might as well start off and say that i fucking screeched when i saw you in my notifs and mention my content on your blog bc?? the queen herself?? noticed me?? wtf?? and i’ll be honest, i’ve been following you for a good while and for the longest time ever i wanted to hit you up bc you’ve literally always seemed so precious sO?? dO YOU EVEN KNOW??? hoW hAPPY i am?? that we actually?? are friends?? i’ve done nothing to deserve that but here we are fjkflkd. i saw your end-of-the-year post, i’m sorry i haven’t responded to it and that i’ve been so shit at talking lately, but i promise i’ll try to get better at it lmao so!!! i hope you’ll still stick around with me at that point because i can be really fucking damn annoying 🥺 long story short pray for a good 2021 bc you’ll probably regret ever even wanting to talk to me once we’ve become closer lol <3

there are a few other friends and mutuals i wanna include here; i don’t talk as much with some of y’all, others are people i’m still getting to know but nevertheless, i want you to know that meeting each one of you here on this hellsite is a blessing in itself and that it’s one of the things i’m happy 2020 has actually given me :’)

@0325-4419 @marculees @jwisungchan @stealerz @ciiikb @zoey-angel-istaeminsbitchnow @yangles @violethhj @littlefallenrebel  

alllso to dear dc servers: @planteii @joey-yellow-county @sakura-writes-stuff @bound-writings @koukounuts @classicalsylph  the rest of the server bc i’m struggling really hard to find them // @crimsoncitrus @everythingsinred and the rest of that server because again i’m struggling to find the url to the rest fjdkfkd; i’m not particularly active in neither but i still want you to know that i’m very grateful for being able to be part of two v v warm and welcoming servers, so thank you for that 🥺

[sleepylixie]

Hello! 2020 is coming to a close (phew, finally) and boy, has it been one hell of a rollercoaster ride. No kidding, this year has probably seen some of the worst and best sides of me and I don’t know what to think about it. It hasn’t been the worst year by a mile, but it has been the most difficult to get through. 

In the midst of a stress meltdown on Halloween, I decided to revive my old Tumblr account and revamp it into an SKZ stan account. That, ladies, gentlemen and readers, has been the single best decision I’ve taken for myself. It’s true when they say that Tumblr is where some of the softest, sweetest and kindest people go, because I’ve met so many amazing, insanely talented people over the course of 2 months. I did not think this blog would thrive the way it did, but I am so glad that it is. So yes, appreciation of the sappy kind are in bulk order tonight! 

Hi, I’m Elliana! I run Sleepylixie, an SKZ stan account. Under the cut is a long, long post-  little love letters to everybody that made my days on this dumb blue hellsite warmer and brighter. This is for all of you. :) (There’s one song rec for you below your letter, just for funsies hhhh-)

@decembermoonskz - Iz you’ve been one of the best things Tumblr dropped onto my dashboard. I adore the mutual brain wave moments, the next-level coincidences in this short but extremely sweet friendship ( wolf gang unite) and how we seem to be able to bounce ideas off each other almost too easily. I’m so thankful for the camaraderie we’ve built up in such a short amount of time. Being able to talk to a kindred spirit about the high fantasy disaster that runs it’s course in my head is such a good time, all the time. You’re a beautiful soul, you<3 <Song Rec: I am You - Stray Kids>

@rebecca-noona - I will never regret dropping that borderline screaming ask about More and More needing a sequel and then watching the chaos ensue xD You’re one of the first people I’ve interacted with on Tumblr and honestly, I’m in awe of how strong and steady of a person you are. I’ve been able to talk to you about the stupidest and the most meaningful things and your way of putting the difficult things into simple words has always left me feeling lighter and warmer inside. One day, I will absolutely drop you a casual text telling you that I am in Korea and expect a fanfare welcome xD. Much Love, Wifey <Song Rec: Hell In Heaven- TWICE>

@seraplantery - (Don’t fkin run away sit down and take the love-) Ma’am, I must build a shrine in your name for bribing me to join Katalk (and proceed to not fulfil said bribe) because interacting with you is one of the brightest moments of my day. You’re so easy to talk to, and your vibe is out of the fkin world coz it’s so vibrant and bright and beautiful I LOVE IT. Big Brain queen, you xD  <Song Rec: Spark- Taeyeon>

@mikoto-ica-fics - Hhhhhhhh you’re the first blog I became an anon for and eventually gave up on xD Your presence in Stayblr (and on my dash) has always been a calming and steadfast one- you always gave off the easy, approachable vibes that just made my awkward ass actually strike up conversation with you~ You’re another person that the Katalk chaos groupchat brought me closer to and it’s been a crazy fun time ever since then. Your stories are products of so much flair and thought, I admire your commitment to your tales. To good times and more soon!! <Song Rec: Woman Like Me- Little Mix ft. Nicki Minaj>

@hanflix - Right off the bat, I adore your blog and your writing style. I could go on and on about how much your stories sing to my soul, every word just speaks volumes about the effort and thought that goes into it. You take your craft so seriously and I admire that about you. And you’re so fkin sweet!? Like please?! Stay the same, you! < Song Rec: In & Out  by Red Velvet >

@delicatewerewolfsoul - I love talking to you so much hhhh- I don’t remember who slid into who’s askbox first, but I’m very, very glad one of us did and we started talking afterwards. It’s always a chill and nice time with you, coz, as it turns out, we have a lotta common interests to talk about, say ship games and astronomy xD. I’m the shittiest at keeping conversations going, but I shall strive to interact more coz you’re so fun pls- and you’ve got such a cool aesthetic too!! (The offer for your hand in marriage still stands, I must remind you-) <Song Rec : Flourishing- Chungha>

@aliceu ​ my OG tumblr buddyyyyyyy oh man, I legit can’t login to Tumblr without dropping you a scream text or recieving one from you. We have some insanely similar tastes (in tropes, stans, fic concepts and then some) and just. vibe so easily on that tumblr chatbox that is probably weeping from how much we use it. Thank you for being an unflinching support for my weak moments of writer’s block and proofreading stuff for me and also, thank you for having such similar preferences  to mine that I can send you random headcanons at odd hours knowing it will attack you in the face when you see it :D <Song Rec: I Can’t Stop Me- TWICE>

@blueprint-han  @hhjs @rosieecheeks @choideluxe @meiiyue @n8dlesoupguk @cotccotc @illicit-roses @nightshade-minho ​ @moonbeam-00 ​ @cyecandy ​ @hongism ​ @luminois ​ @mochinnie ​ - Y’all, I adore our interactions, every single one of it. All of you are so fkin talented content creators, I’m in awe of everything y’all put out coz it’s all so insanely good. You guys light up my dashboard, and I wish we talked more and hopefully get to do that soon!!<Song-Rec: Dumb Litty- KARD>

To everybody that follows me, or have interacted with me- Thank you. Thank you for being a part of this blog and enjoying the best moments with me. I hope the New Year brings all of you to a space of joy, love and peace for you and your loved ones. 

Much Love, Elliana. 

[catboyyukineapologist]

Hi! I just wanted to take a moment to say I appreciate all my followers on this hellsite (yes all 2.5 of you), and everyone who reads these, very very much, and it makes me very happy that you guys give a shit about what I have to say about this angsty, angsty manga every month.

that said,

what's up losers I am overworked, sleep deprived, and have opinions on shiiho specifically.

confusion(???) under the cut, along with a surprising amount of spoilers for other fandoms (they’re all marked dw)

Anyway. With that out of the way, here we go. Short chapter, brief thoughts. ✨head empty✨

-

I love him. The opinion is that I love him, the little shit.

But again, seriously, Shiiho really just called the gods of fortune side characters and I think that's very valid of him. He said "okay boomers" and honestly yeah. You go you funky little army.

"Shinki who spread themselves too thin begin to deteriorate and can no longer maintain their boundary line" Why do I have a nagging feeling that this is not just about Shiigun anymore...

oh stars oh boy oh damn this is just literally the worst possible scenario for Yukine isn't it? Self-destructing and having everyone turn their backs on him, therefore reinforcing the motivations for his self-destruction and whatever he has going on about righteousness or whatever. And as a fun extra, having someone constantly by his side reminding him how evil the world is.

Yikes.

No talk he him angy

Amaterasu is so scary. Like legitimately. She was adorable when she first showed up, but now she's just straight up chills-down-your-entire-spine terrifying. Maybe it's the eyes, or the adult mannerisms in a child's body, or the fact that she is the literal Head God and just has absolute power that doesn't sit right with me.

WHAT ARE THOSE FOUR GODS DOING ARE THEY THE KILL FUJISAKI TASK FORCE

ARE THEY THE KILL YATO TASK FORCE-

But honestly, "The Great Calamity Who Resents The Heavens" is absolutely too cool an epithet for trash dad. I know he is extremely powerful and pure evil, but he is also pure garbage and doesn't deserve such a badass name.

👏YUUKI’S👏WEAPON👏FORM👏SLAPS👏 I WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT THIS. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ATTACK. WHAT WAS WITH TINY YUKINE FLYING OVER YATO. WHAT HAPPENED ON THE LAST PANEL.

I don’t know, man. I don’t know.

But also WHAT IS WITH THE GOD DAMN MOON IMAGERY

(Steven Universe spoilers) I do feel like the tsukuyomi theory is like noragami’s “rose is pink diamond” theory and like. man, if it’s true i might consider yeeting myself out of a window i don’t know. /j

Never have I ever experienced happiness in these last 200 years. Tears are my best friends. I am no longer able to feel anything but despair. When will I reach salvation, when– [stolen]

THIS IS YOUR MONTHLY REMINDER THAT TRASH DAD’S RECKONING IS HERE AND IT IS NOT BACKING DOWN

And yeah, those are all the coherent thoughts I was able to formulate this month.

HOWEVER. I also made you guys a lil’ something something~ to more eloquently express how I feel about this month’s developments through the only means I know how: Shitty Meme Video Edits. (I uploaded this to youtube for you fuckers so you better appreciate it /j)

(Small spoiler warning for The Adventure Zone - Balance ep. 58)

undefined

yeah. what they said.

(by the way, I made the little me icons using @/artmiiraux’s (on twitter) picrew!)

[witchcraftingboop]

Re: Jbird & RainS. (Briar) Discourse

Previously, I have spoken with the person who made very serious allegations against JBird, calling him a racist, that were then used by others to spread slander against him. They have since apologized and admitted that JBird isn't a racist, and I genuinely think there was a stark miscommunication that went on to prompt such a claim. I don't want to name them or involve them here, since I do believe they've already reflected enough on the situation at hand, and is still deeply considering the multi-faceted hornet's nest of problems they've stumbled upon.

However, in light of the blatant dismissal and refusal to submit actual proof against the two, I feel as if I should share the information I offered this person before.

If you are basing your arguments against Jbird and Briar off of the previous, separate Discord group discussions of Trio & co. - screenshots of which have been, and continue to be spread years later, by Prim - then I especially implore you to be open to what I have to say. As a third party to this continually and rapidly spiralling debacle, I feel like there's not much I can say or do to assist my friends in being heard, but I feel as if I ought to try. Prim's following is large and actively prepared to follow her "do not interact even to ask questions" policy, so I worry it may be too late already. But I am not without hope or faith.

Tumblr is, unfortunately, a place where hate spreads rapidly, and while I do love the broad community it fosters, I am also aware that, even with the best of folks, it is hard to see the side of someone you've already decided is guilty and not worth approaching for an explanation.

First and foremost, I believe in innocence until proven guilty.

Now then! Onto my offered commentary/input! (Sorry to prattle on so much.)

To start, thedesertgod, also known as Trio, did go through and look for her personal information, which is messed up. But that person has already apologized, if I'm remembering correctly, and left Tumblr. And the other main user who helped spread information about Prim being a race faker also admitted wrong and left. The others in the chat, particularly Mystic and Ronan appear to just be making jokes and stating factual informative summaries, respectively. E-muete also said "ok no" after the Dolezal comment, which is a common "no that's too far a comparison/joke/statement" substitute among their forums and chats and often means they don't actually agree with what they themselves said. Ruby also politely reminds Trio that it's impossible to tell someone's race off of their appearance alone. So what I see here is definitely problematic, but entirely on Trio's part. I'm not saying it's not screwed up to find pictures of someone's parents and debate their race, but the persons who did those things have already left the Tumblrsphere.

Unfortunately, the people you've pointed out don't have a good history with Prim even before the whole "Trio nitpicking her race" thing. Prim used to follow more than a few of them and use their posts to fuel her platform, oftentimes creating uninformed mish-mosh articles with a voice of authority that simply wasn't warranted. As I'm sure you're aware, it's hard enough dealing with people stealing your content word for word, but to attempt to steal your knowledge? Your initiations and rites of passage? And use them to sell yourself as a master of a breadth of practices? The tradcrafters of that particular circle decided to band together and block her from interacting with them directly for that very reason. And because of that, Prim started telling her followers that they are all racist and elitist and ableist and gatekeepers. These terms over the years have become almost like triggers in that once they're said, everyone seems to put on a blindfold and fall into a frenzied rage. And to be fair, Prim is far too quick, in my opinion, to bring up racism as the reason others disagree with her. Most times, I've noticed at least, that if she calls someone racist or says they're unsupportive of POC, she nearly immediately brings up BLM activism in her posts or reblogs. I'm not saying I necessarily support calling all of her activistic inclinations performative, but where the tradcradt group she calls racist is more than willing to talk of and show proof of their contribution, Prim never has and avoids it if asked. I can see both sides, really. But the fact remains that calling someone performative in their actions, does not a racist make. Neither, in my opinion, does interacting with people who are assumed (without real and concrete proof) to be racist.

I can appreciate where you're coming from; honestly, I can. People have grown accustomed to hearing the prefix trad- and preparing for the worst. Racism is a systematic and prevailing problem in the society all around us, so it makes sense to be on the lookout for it. You want to protect yourself and your community. I can understand your sentiments perfectly. But I cannot support "guilty by association" viewpoints. As a WOC who grew up in some rough areas, I have seen boys killed under that very same reasoning. Jbird is a good friend of mine, and I have never questioned his morals or ethics. I have seen no sign of my being looked down upon for the color of my skin, nor anyone else who runs in that very same circle.

What I see is what I see in a lot of faces on this hellsite: hurt. Before Trio and after Trio left, the tradcraft community has been slandered and ostracized. They have shut themselves off to outsiders for the very thing you've done to Jbird just yesterday. They hold their secrets closer than most other communities now because persecution is seemingly forever at their door. On Prim's end too, there has been struggle and pain and needless arguing and hurt. If those you approach seem prickly, it is often because the world has roughened their edges, not because they personally are against you.

I asked for a couple examples from the group and one person (I'll keep them anonymous because I didn't confirm they'd like their name here) said: she has talked about saint magic (trio), hadean pamphlet (trio), hubris (Ruby), fairies, trad craft shit (Mahigan among others), etc etc

From what I personally have seen, her most recent was the Witch Fire podcast. A few tradcraft blogs had a debate/discussion about Witch Fire and its traditional eurocentric foundations in witchcraft not that long ago, and then Prim decided to put out a podcast that was so uninformed, I'm still worried about how younger or newer witches might be hurt by it.

Unfortunately the tradcraft community is vulnerable to that kind of thing [being called names or falsely accused] and an easy target. That's why being called those kind of harsh words - like gatekeeping, elitist, racist, and ableist - are met with so much anger from them. I take it very seriously because I've seen the kind of whiplash it has, especially on such a closed off group.

[A Reply.] Yeah no, Prim "apologizes" by talking about how she's been previously given a hard time with interjections of "but please don't go around spreading hate" and never directly apologizes to the tradcrafter in such posts. Unfortunately, her "apology" did more harm than good. I was hoping she'd just ignore it but . . . This tends to happen too 🤦‍♀️

I think that if both sides were able to approach it as openmindedly as you have, there would be a lot less drama and in-fighting on this app 😩 I really did enjoy talking with you though!

That just about covers everything I'd like to say on the matter.

I do not condone spreading hate, just as I don't condone misinformation or blind allegiance to what one person says. So if you can respectfully and openmindedly address your questions/comments/concerns, I don't see why you can't interact with Briar, Jbird, or myself. I understand it's easy to get caught up in the first perspective you're given, but it is my hope that Witchblr as a whole can be more open to hearing both sides of the story. Blindly blocking and cancelling certain bloggers is something I don't support nor encourage. I understand Prim must be tired of addressing all of the drama that churns around her, so I won't speak as to what her reasoning could be for suggesting such a solution. I'm simply stating what I hope for the community as a whole.

| | Note: The statements above were written early (I think, my sense of time is off) yesterday, and as of yet, I have still seen no concrete evidence that Briar or Jbird have ever made racist comments. On Briar's part, I have seen her observation that activism on a performative platform such as Tumblr can come off as performative, but she never once said she doesn't know or see why Prim would support and promote BLM activism. Something I think was misconstrued and lumped all together to sound as if she thought Prim were faking her contributions altogether. | |