#and from that perspective tumblr takes less time and less thinking so even if I don't do 'well' I'm fine lmao

[hiddenspriings]

i hope one day you start a youtube, i would watch your content everyday ;-; i feel like most of the simmers are on youtube, their sims aren't my style, or they're really boring, but your content is so bright and colorful and interesting and we need more of that on youtube!

I was thinking about it before, I mean the idea of starting your own yt channel (or any social media video type of channel) is so exciting but I'm not sure how big is the viewerbase for sims (especially sims 3) anymore. I stopped watching this type of content years ago and now seeing how it turned into this generic 'I left my game unpaused for x hours' and 'each room is a different pack' kind of videos is pretty depressing. I don't want to join that crowd, especially that I have no interest in posting sims 4 so my technical views would be much smaller. And I mean, do people still watch gameplay and challenges nowadays when everything is so focused on creating short content? I don't want to sound like I'm so focused on the audience here but creating content you like is only a part of it, if you don't have the viewers it gets pretty pointless(?) on youtube. Maybe that's why I like tumblr so much, because from the platform perspective we are all bloggers, sure we interact with each other as 'creators vs viewers of the content' but the idea is that every one of us has its own blog, we are equal in a way and even if I have 0 followers it is my little space, I can post random things yk.

Sorry it kinda turned into a little rant. It's really flattering you think of my blog in this way, that you see my content as sort of valuable to you but so far I'm quite happy just being on tumblr and not thinking if anyone will actually see my next post (which, let's be honest, took way less time than creating a full gameplay video for yt). I'm not saying it won't change, who knows, next month I might be like 'HEY COME WATCH MY STREAM ON TWITCH!!!!' but expanding from a blogger to full ass creator on another platfrom is a huge move I'm afraid takes so much courage to make.

[janmisali]

what do you think of tone indicators in general?

unfortunately my thoughts on tone indicators are somewhat nuanced. fortunately, this is tumblr not twitter, so I can just write out my full thoughts in one post and be as verbose about it as feels necessary.

speaking as an autistic person (and I know there are other autistic people who don't hold this same view, this is just my perspective), I think as an accessibility tool, the extended set tone indicators in current popular use is fundamentally misguided.

the oldest ones, /s for sarcasm and /j for jokes, make sense. their notation isn't the most intuitive thing ("does /s mean sarcastic or serious?") but it's not too difficult to explain what they mean. I've had to spend my whole life learning by brute force what different tones of voice mean and what they change about how I'm supposed to interpret something, so I already know what "read this in a sarcastic voice" and "read this as a joke" are supposed to mean. my existing skills can be translated into the new form without too much effort.

the same thing applies to emoji and emoticons. I know what facial expressions mean, because I had to learn what they mean. figuring out if :) is sincere or not from context is a skill I've already needed to develop. it doesn't come naturally for me, but it's something I already at least somewhat know how to do.

most of the tone indicators in current use uh. don't work like this.

tone indicators like /ref or /nbh don't correspond to specific tones of voice. I don't have a "I'm making a reference" voice or a "I'm not talking about a person who's here" voice that I can picture the sentence being read in. these do not indicate tones, they're purely disambiguators. they clarify what something means without necessarily changing how it would be read out loud.

and on paper, that's fine, right? like, it's theoretically a good thing to take an otherwise ambiguous statement and add something to it that clarifies what you meant by it. the problem is that these non-tone tone indicators are not even remotely self-explanatory. it's up to me, the person who is being clarified to, to know what all these acronyms are supposed to mean, and how they change the way I'm supposed to interpret what something means.

it's, quite literally, a newly-invented second set of social cues that I'm expected to learn separately from the set that I've already spent my whole life figuring out, and it works completely differently.

sure, these rules are (in principle) less arbitrary than the rules of facial expressions and tones of voice and how long you're supposed to wait before it's your turn to speak, but they're also fully artificial and recently invented, which means they're currently in a constant state of flux. tone indicators go in and out of fashion all the time, and the "comprehensive lists" are never helpful.

in theory, I appreciate the idea of people going out of their way to clarify what they mean by potentially ambiguous things they post online. if it worked, that would be a really nice thing to do.

however, sometimes I imagine what the internet would be like without them. what if instead of using /s, the expectation was that if you're sarcastic online there's no guarantee that strangers reading your post will know what you meant? what if instead of inventing more and more acronyms to cover every possible potentially confusing situation, we just... expected one another to speak less ambiguously in the first place?

so, I on paper like the idea of tone indicators. I think it's good that some people are trying to be considerate by being extra clear about what they mean by things. but if tone indicators didn't exist, and people who wanted to be considerate in this way instead just made a point of phrasing things more clearly to begin with, I think that would be vastly preferable to even the most well-implemented tone indicator system.

also /pos sucks because there's something deeply and profoundly wrong for an abbreviation that means "I don't mean this as an insult, don't worry" to be spelled the same way as an acronym that's an insult

[koolades-world]

Can you please do headcanons on an MC who always find themselves in the craziest hiding spots

Some examples are somehow they can find themselves on a roof of a building when there’s literally no way to get up there or they somehow get on a chandelier that’s in the middle of the ceiling and also impossible to get to

You just find them somehow on a window edge that’s literally way up high on the wall and there’s no ladder, no magic that can be detected, and literally no one should have been able to help you get up there either

It’s literally impossible to get up there

But MC, in their (stupid) brilliance, found a way

MC doesn’t know how to get down though so their only solution is “jump and hope someone catches me”

MC never shares how they get to those impossible places and no one ever catches them getting to the spot no matter how hard they try

haha hi! yes of course :)

i think i did something kinda like this? honestly i'm not sure so if i did, we have two now!! i think what i did was just mc who likes hide and seek

edit: i literally did this before haha. tumblr has been doing this thing where it will duplicate an ask i already did and i've caught it a few times, but not today so oops! haha

enjoy <3

Mc who hides in crazy hide and seek spots

Lucifer

he's very concerned for your wellbeing

less worried about how you got there and more worried about how you plan to get down

after hearing that you don't really know how and are just hoping for the best he freaks out

he knows one of his brothers will always be around to catch you if you fall but that doesn't stop him from worrying

Mammon

equally as worried as lucifer, if not more

hide and seek kind of stresses him out a little because he knows he'll have to find and catch you

he always does and will but it's just the act that worries him

he even has a pillow he carries around with him if he needs to place it under you to soften your fall, but he's never needed it

Levi

he always wonders how you get up there

do you teleport or something??

he tries to catch you off guard to see if he can see you headed up but never can

he won't question you but that doesn't stop him from thinking of all the ways you might be able to get up there

Satan

he's very curious on how you get up there

to the point where he sets up secret cameras pointed at the places he knows you've been in before

mysterious though, something always goes wrong with them and he only ever see you on the ground, then in the spot, no inbetween

but, these cameras do let him get some great blackmail for his brothers haha

Asmo

he thinks when you hide up high, you could get some super cute pictures of him

y'know like a perspective thing. must be on .5 haha

he also takes pictures of you to match for his devilgram

he keeps every picture of you because you look cute in every single one of then!

Beel

by far the most chill about it

he's a little worried but he knows you're having fun

he doesn't want to stop you from enjoying yourself

but he does make you promise to never get yourself into a situation you could get hurt in, and hopes you're true to your word

Belphie

he's the insane one who hides with you

or, well, tries is the key word

it's become a friendly competition to see who can hide in a crazier spot

spoiler alert: he hasn't managed to beat you yet haha

[vorthosjay]

Hi Jay. Not wanting to sound mean, but I really think it must be commented and that there's no softer way of doing that: the company's statement of Thunder Junction being an inhabitated plane prior to MoM is not a honest way of capitalizing on a sellable trope without touching its uncomfortable issues. It's even disrespectful. They have done it in a less flagrant way with Kaladesh and both Ixalan iterations, but now they've gotten too far with Thunder Junction. Colonialism is too big an issue to simply being put under the carpet as it never existed and we could just enjoy the sunny part of the history. I really hope Hasbro as a company acknowledges this and changes its way of dealing with the theme. Thanks for letting me pointing this.

Look, you caught me on a bad day, so I'm going to be as polite as possible but let's start with the foundation that this is not a complaint to direct at me. I have no control over any of this. Mark Rosewater exists and takes feedback on Tumblr.

But, let's talk about it, because I've seen some folks take this to extremes.

First off, I've seen a lot of well meaning folks speaking up on behalf of hypothetical indigenous americans, but I'd love to get takes from folks this actually impacts. I'd love for Wizards to post something about their work with cultural consultants, for sure. But the only actual thing I've seen so far is a great story from Magic's first indigenous american author. And when you're speaking on someone else's behalf, you tend to miss things. Like, Kaladesh is not the great representation of south asian culture that you might think when you jumped to it, and it's okay if you didn't know that, but it sort of proves the point that it's very difficult to actually protest on someone else's behalf. And I just haven't heard from anyone who has also mentioned they speak from authority or are impacted by this. That doesn't mean you're wrong, necessarily.

But here's the thing. Thunder Junction isn't history. It takes cues from the American West, sure, but it's a fake world. And sometimes it's okay for a fake world to ignore the bad things that happens in real life and create something more aspirational. Magic does this all the time. Magic doesn't have homophobia, but that isn't really realistic or representative of the real world, is it?

No one, and I mean literally no one, came to me and said that people of color needed to be ostracized and not allowed to work alongside the white people in the demon mob families of New Capenna. That racism was real, it was systemic, and it was violent. But did it need to be tackled in a fantasy crime drama based on america in the 20s? Should it have been? I don't think anyone would have enjoyed it as much. Sometimes it's just fun to play gangster.

Similarly, the colonization and manifest destiny that was the reality of the American West was tragic, but does that need to be our only depiction of indigenous peoples - being colonized? If they were erased completely from the narrative, that would be awful, but can't they just have fun being cool thunder slingers? The Atiin were developed with a consultant, and if you want answers ask Wizards to talk about it.

There's a reason the Oltec were depicted as being sealed off from the Immortal Sun drama that had happened on the surface. To have an aspirational mesoamerican culture that wasn't affected by the Dusk Legion and Azor and all that.

To put it in another perspective, does every period piece featuring black americans need to feature systemic racism to be respectful? Is Bridgerton disrespectful (I mean probably but not for that reason)?

The reason I've framed a lot of this as questions is because I don't necessarily think I know the right answer, especially not for a fantasy card game. I've worked with tribal governments in my emergency management career and spent a week on the Navajo Nation, and talked a lot about perspective on things, and I would not presume to know what the right answer to all of this is.

Edit: to be clear, Could it have been handled better? Probably. I will never deny that. But also it’s a complicated and fraught topic and I’d love to hear from the people wizards contracted who actually know what they’re talking about.

[olderthannetfic]

You've encountered site changes over time as a fan elder, what do you make of Tumblr potentially being put out to pasture? Tumblr was my coming of age fan site, and im looking for advice to transition to the next thing with grace and less bitterness than I feel now.

--

Ahaha. God, you should have heard the howling about LJ. "Fandom is over!" "Never again shall we dwell in fandom's True Home!" etc.

Hell, this endless "only LJ was good" crap turns up in replies here on posts where I as OP have very clearly laid out why that's rose colored glasses nonsense and you can so make friends on tumblr, have a conversation on tumblr, etc.

I had my crabby phase about this during the transition from Yahoo Groups to LJ. A lot of the real olds had it over paper zines and the transition to the internet.

I don't know if reading these hilariously samey old posts would help. It does give perspective, I think.

--

As for what you should do, do what I did with Tumblr:

1.

Look around to identify the Next Thing fandom is going to camp out on.

It may take a few guesses and some time to figure this out. You will likely not be an early adopter. Fandom was well established here by the time I joined at the end of 2010. Of course, by now, all those 2009 and before accounts are long gone, but at the time, I was a n00b joining other people's space despite having been in fandom for ages.

2.

Don't expect to enjoy it

I didn't join tumblr because I liked it. In fact, I despised it. I kept right on despising it until a brief stint in Sherlock fandom, a fandom that was so active here at the time that I was able to finally see the good aspects of the site's structure and features.

This is the mistake a lot of people make. They give things a cursory try, don't enjoy them, and go "not for me", forgetting that the last site also had a steep learning curve that was either difficult or that they didn't notice because they were in a different phase of their life.

Bitterness and grief are, frankly, an inherent part of the process. You can try not to be a debbie downer in your public comments, but you can't just not feel those things during the awkward part of the transition. Sometimes, acting positive and cutting off excessively negative thoughts can make you feel less negative overall, but it doesn't happen immediately.

3.

Accept that feeling cranky and old is both a you problem and a state of mind, not a property of the new site

Relatedly, the way we remember fandom platform X feeling usually has more to do with us being in college with fandom friends down the hall or having discovered Our People for the first time or some other time when we had a lot of energy and positive emotions. Often, we were in the throes of a first or new fandom love too, probably for some megafandom that other people also cared about at the same time.

When fandom is leaving some site, there's a grieving process anyway, but we're also often in a worse part of our lives for starting new things. We're busy. We're tired. We're between fandoms. We feel like we already paid our dues to build up our community. Why should we have to start again?

But let me tell you, you always need to start again eventually. I go to a weekly vidders' zoom chat, and a lot of the people in there are old as balls, including Kandy, the person who invented vidding back in the 70s. She's a lot of decades and a few cancers in, and she had to relearn how to vid on a computer after transitioning from slideshows to VCR vidding back in the day. If bad health, platform changes, and dead friends were going to stop her, she'd be long gone.

It's like sharks: you stop swimming, you die.

This isn't just about fandom, obviously. It's about avoiding a midlife crisis and, later, about avoiding feeling emotionally geriatric even when your body is falling apart.

Change gets us all, but being mentally old is a choice. The real reason I gave tumblr such a try was that I had been so resistant to getting on LJ. I was 20. Even a year later, it was fucking embarrassing to have been a crotchety old hag as a college student. I promised myself I'd soldier through the next change instead of dragging my feet about it. And it totally worked in the end! But boy did it not make the transition any less unpleasant emotionally!

4.

Find your joy

As is obvious from the above, the vast majority of the problem is just emotions. Fandom has been on a million broken sites with shitty features. We go where the people are, regardless of whether it has the technological aspects we liked at the last place. The actual shape of that platform is largely irrelevant.

What does matter is whether we as an individual fan are still excited and happy about something. I was between fandoms recently and went looking around for BL series I hadn't watched yet. People kept suggesting things set in the present day with too-cheesy production values and too many banal schoolboys in modern day settings without even anything spicy going on. I realized that the BL/danmei scene wasn't really cutting it for me and I should go for production values and genre and non-canon ships. You probably scrolled annoyedly past the picspams that resulted.

(Of course, hilariously, someone has now shown me the trailer of Red Peafowl, so someone may be making BL that feels like it's for me after all. Look at all that badwrong and very dark color grading.)

When you're in a good place emotionally, it's a hell of a lot easier to weather any change, and when you have a new fandom, it's a lot easier to connect with other fans.

A lot of people wait around for lightning to strike twice. They found their first fandom by accident, and they expect it to happen seamlessly again. For me, it's far more productive to brute force it: collect up a big list of what's popular or what's new and go through it till you find things you might like, then try them all.

And part of this, obviously, is not waiting for other fans to make the party happen. The more you need to join something other people are already doing, the less choice you'll have in fandoms or in platforms. If you aren't picky and just go where the tropey longfic is, that can work, but even then, favorite authors disappear or go to fandoms you hate and former megafandoms dry up. If you're the one bringing the party, it's a lot easier to find a new fandom or platform or community to have fun in.

[charmedreincarnation]

I manifested my dream life 🥳🎊🎉

Long post incoming ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

Hi everyone. my name is Asanatu (call me sana or asa) and I just want to share my success story. Anyways, A+p, Intention, plus the void state was the method I always resonated with with. I also joined and was apart of tumblr pretty actively during the time when these were “the methods.”

I was making so much headway! I manifested money, better looks, better grades and mental health and I even mini shifted. Things were looking bright and I knew my shitty circumstances would be a memory of the past and everything would be easier. Then the switch to states, Neville Goddard,and Edward Arts happened and I was so lost. Then creators who even used the void or a+p were suddenly bullying and attacking people

for thinking thoughts create reality instead of states. They were attacking people for using the void and putting it on the pedestal even though they used it to achieve their dream life 🤡🤡 sucess stories dropped drastically, tensions were tight, and entitlement and shoving states down our throats was happening at an all time high. Honestly I gave up with the law and shifting bc I started to believe a+p truly didn’t work bc everyone was preaching that perspective out of no where even though we all started with that and people used it !!!!! Now the same is happening to non dualism…so it will be even more over complication and entitlement for the competition to be the most all knowing and debunker of the law. It will be less success stories, more tension, and paragraphs upon paragraphs on their beliefs but no success to show for it so I am most definitely leaving tumblr and for anyone who wants recourses maybe read and stick to the og creators from December for. Few posts and then dip

Expeditiously, pleaseee !!!!!

I also need to take accountability for

Myself. I’m sending this on anon mode because I have been so rude to so many bloggers and projected my newfound doubt to random, kind, helpful bloggers and I have to apologize. Most of them won’t see this because I’m blocked, but none of you guys deserved it. I would tag them but it was most Loa creators which is so embarrassing to admit, but again I apologize.

After having some self awareness I decided to stop being a loser and take accountability for my own life. I said fuck it and went back to a+p and the void state. I just affirmed robotically and used some subliminals for the void state from popular successful void blogs. After two weeks I got into the void state and manifested my dream life. After complaining and procrastinating for 6 months. As much as tumblr is toxic and the dumb entitled energy is radiating extra bright you all have to grow up and stick to what works for you. You have free will and godly powers no matter how many big headed bloggers try to intimidate you.

A summary of my manifestations from the void are: millionaire parents, 4.3 cumulative gpa, being apart of my schools honors society, dream graduation (it was yesterday) 10/10 looks, acceptance to Harvard, dream body and natural fast metabolism, being a master shifter, list of hobbies and talents, dream personality, huge mansion, cute kind rich bf, and being a desired it girl

I want to say so much more but Moral of the story is stick to what has worked you, take accountability for your journey, and ignore what doesn’t resonate with you.

I think a lot of people will relate to this. No matter what you believe in, whether that be states, non dualism, the void, a+p,etc just persist on your faith. Congrats anon and good on you for taking accountability for your own journey. I also can only speak for myself but I forgive you :)

Edit: a+p is affirm and persist

[merrycrisis-if]

So I just want to say that I'm definitely not a suspicious person sending you a suspicious link - suspicious people wouldn't say that outright, right? I just tried to send an ask, hit the character limit, then tried to send a message, and uh, hit the character limit again. Haha. Anyway, here's what Qiu has done to me: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1hcQ_-WQ635cSrgWtEWX1gz7Xv9GbzopT_A5MpvRZA64/edit?usp=sharing

THIS MESSAGE IS THE BOMB!!! I love that you created a google doc just to gush about / psychoanalyse Qiu because of Tumblr asks's character limit, that's so hilarious and amazing!!

OK, now to reply to the message :D

[Re: Qiu] ...They're NOT EVEN AN ADULT YET. It's easy to say "just give up on the only structure you've known all your life because it's toxic" but reality is not always kind; even ignoring any kind of emotional support (which we unfortunately don't really get to see one way or another. Maybe Qiu would have been better off just running off and taking a leap of faith and relying on MC but it's not wrong to feel that the unknown is far more terrifying than the known and there was no way for them to know that choosing MC would have been better. The love of her parents - in whatever form, whether or not it's actually love, is what Qiu has known for most of their life - is a constant as long as they meet expectations.

Exactly, this!! Like, we first meet Qiu when they're still very much finding themselves / figuring out what they want in life. It's definitely a 'coming-of-age' story for them — as much as it is for MC. So their relationship with MC takes place at a point where, like you mentioned, they are still a teen(!) and their parents' expectations and (conditional) love is all that they know. It's never easy to distinguish between what one's own desires, dreams etc. are, and what's simply fed to us by society, by the people we trust/care about (in Qiu's case, it's their parents).

So I think one of the greatest joys of writing Qiu (and their relationship with MC) is acknowledging the imperfection, the growth, and their initial failure to 'do right' by each other back in high school (and the potential to re-visit that and make different choices the second time around).

There are probably bits of “it would be entirely way too selfish of me to ask MC to give up on their opportunity and stay”, among other things, but I’d like to think that feelings of “I don’t deserve to ask this of MC” are also there... Asking or hoping for Qiu to ask them to stay - I get it, I really do, but there’s also a part of me that feels like god DAMN if that isn’t fair, putting the choice on Qiu... Just as Qiu could have stood up for MC, could have shouted their love for MC from the rooftops, could have asked MC to stay; MC could have CHOSEN to stay, could have CHOSEN to prioritize their relationship with Qiu. Could have written emails, snail mail, video calls, flew back for visits, could have given long distance a shot. Maybe it was just the wrong time, wrong place. Maybe back then, neither of them could have made those choices, said those things.

And you bring this up beautifully here, where I think I was really interested in portraying MC's hurt (from MC's perspective) regarding the way Qiu never fought for them, even when they were so ready to throw it all away for Qiu — but then also slowly unpeel the layers of Qiu's perspective as well, i.e. that MC expected grand gestures from Qiu, but truth is, reality was tugging them in opposite directions, and perhaps Qiu did fail to jump off a cliff the way MC wanted them to, but they both failed to try to figure out a more mundane, less grandiose way of keeping in touch, staying in each other's lives etc.

MC back then had been seeing things in a very 'black and white', 'you do or you die' kind of way (as most 'first love' stories go), but I think now that they've had years to mature / grow, there's space for both MC and Qiu to appreciate the nuances of what had happened between them, how things fell apart etc. and acknowledge that in some ways, they were each incapable of doing the things they needed from each other, but nobody was truly at fault.

Again, thanks for the lovely message <3

[prince-liest]

I’m a sex-repulsed ace, and reading the latest chapter of 666 (as well as your analysis here on Tumblr) made me realize that I have been subconsciously thinking about MY OWN sexuality from an allo perspective? And that it has kinda been messing me up?? Like, ever since I learned that sexual attraction was actually a Thing and that it’s Important To People, I had been carrying around a fear of being deficient in some way and not being able to love to the same extent as allos. (1)

Even though I know logically that’s complete garbage and totally untrue, I felt left out of the loop because people seemed to care strongly about this thing I couldn’t even imagine. Whenever it looked like a relationship might happen I panicked for a reason that I couldn’t understand. But now I’m starting to realize that it’s because I was subconsciously terrified of an ‘ulterior motive’ behind the other person’s reasons for wanting to be with me. (2) That part of the reason they even cared was because of something I don’t experience. So thank you, because this realization just clicked into place while reading your work. The thing is, this way of thinking was just internalized in such a way that I didn’t even realize it was there until literally this week. And I think you’re right; one of the main reasons behind that is because I’ve always consumed media written from an allo perspective. (3) If ace/aros are shown at all, they’re depicted as “lacking” and their character development usually revolves around being “fixed” by the story. When I was ~10 years old my mom sometimes let me watch the Big Bang Theory with her (looking back, maybe not the best decision). Anyways, there was one episode deep into the series where Sheldon (who for the past nineish seasons was probably the closest thing to mainstream ace rep) has sex with his girlfriend for the first time. (4) Afterwards, he says something along the lines of “that was better than I thought it would be”, and it’s presented as a Very Good Thing and a big step in their relationship. I think a lifetime of stuff like that makes it very easy to internalize aphobia and feel like the lesser part of the relationship. Or to feel like the other partner is making a huge sacrifice to be with you. That got wayy too long, sorry. All that was just a lot of words to say that I appreciate you. Take care of yourself!(5)

The portrayal of asexuality that you see in media being almost exclusively as you described is very tedious to me because it presumes that something is inherently lacking in aro/aceness rather than that feeling of "lacking" being something that is induced by societal norms. Actually, one of the things that I find additionally alienating is that fandom spaces specifically have been getting better and better about ace characters - but got damn does fandom not jive with aromanticism. Like, a character doesn't want to fuck? That's becoming a liiiittle more fine, it's 2024, we stan consent. But not shipping someone romantically?? Not so easy, now.

I'm glad that my work has been something that resonated with you in this respect! Alastor cares a lot about his reputation as a demon but is pretty blatantly a person who could not possibly give less of a shit about being "wrong" for not being experiencing romantic or sexual attraction. The explanation Viv gave at one point for his own understanding of himself (that he thinks he's just "waiting for the right woman") actually stuck out to me a lot because it's a very "well, nothing is wrong with me for not feeling anything, it's the world that's failed to produce a suitable person" perspective.

But having that kind of confident perspective of your own rightness in the world is really not often portrayed in media, or even in fandom, which even ten years ago was still in the throes of standardizing "Oh, no! Me, gay? These feelings are so wrong!" style m/m content and is honestly not that far off from essentially that for aro/ace characters.

Anyway, all of that is to say that there's not yet much out there that doesn't frame allo/amatonormative values as the default that "even aro/ace people can (and should want to) achieve," and that it's really fun to write a fic that is unequivocally from the perspective of a character who is aroace and doesn't see it as even remotely a fault in himself. Does he have moments where he's a little confused and trying to process how things fit for him? Absolutely. But he just doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who thinks he owes romance to Vox of all people, hahaha. I've written him trying to conform to allo/amatonormativity more with Mimzy, because I think the social standards of their time could push him into it, but Vox? Absolutely not, he does not respect Vox enough for it to even enter his mind.

And then, on the other hand, writing it from an aroace perspective centers the way that romantic and sexual interest can feel like a betrayal of a good thing. With a character like Alastor, it frames romantic and sexual attraction the same alien way that we usually see aromanticism and asexuality framed as.

In the end, this is just one of a plethora of different experiences that aro/ace people can have, but it's one that I really wanted to see represented more, so I'm very happy to write it. I'm glad that you're enjoying it!

[rocketturtle4]

Only Friends, Shipping Culture, Cross-Generational Differences, Themes and Endgame

Strap in, folks. This is a long one.

What finally pushed me to make this post was a very interesting discourse between @lurkingshan, @waitmyturtles, and @twig-tea here around the way this show has subverted norms to a lesser extent than first hoped and how the fans themselves, and the creator’s interactions with these fans, have impacted the creation and completion of the show, as well as the way themes built through the series may now feel less clear after the latest episode.

I wanted to offer my understanding and perspective because it differs somewhat, but it is also very much informed by this post and the larger Tumblr discourse around Only Friends and shipping culture that this show has sparked. I will note, for the record, that I have been much busier since about episode 5 of OF than I had been for the first episodes (or than I was for BMF), so I have missed a lot more of the fascinating discourse that this show has sparked than I would wish.

Let’s do this.

Shipping Culture

I had never heard of this before joining Tumblr this year (in May) despite watching 50 BLs before that, due to being completely disengaged from the actors as individuals prior to joining Tumblr, and while Tumblr has opened my eyes to how much fanservice is part of these people’s lives and jobs and the problems surrounding that phenomenon. I remain largely disengaged from the actors personally. I do not have Twitter, Tik Tok or Instagram, I rarely watch BTS and even my revelation that First is the most beautiful man ever to exist (and I say that as a person who is both aro and ace) has only got me to watch one First & Khao Armshare interview (The Eclipse one). I have also never purchased merch or event tickets so I am in fact, not a good fan in terms of profit making or engagement.

I do, however, love the shows an awful lot and may engage with BTS more once I have fewer things to watch…

All this to say is that my firsthand knowledge of such things is limited at best, but I am still here to say:

I think Only Friends is doing excellent things here, even if all the ‘couples’ end up together.

Is it burning them to the ground like so many hoped? No, but I have watched 47 Thai BLs at this stage and not many of them explored relationships beyond the pairs in any way, shape or form, and OF HAS DONE THAT.

Of our main six characters, NONE of them have only kissed their “other half.” They’ve literally all at least made out with one other person from the core six, and thus far Mew, Boston and Nick have ALSO kissed other people.

This is, in my humble opinion, A PRETTY BIG DEAL.

I am currently watching Not Me (for the first time, haven’t finished, no spoilers please), and I have been informed somewhat reliably that the original novel included a Gram/Black plotline that was cut/altered (to Gram/Eugene/Black love triangle), and I posit that was due in part because they couldn’t have Gun even KISSING Mond even if he was also kissing Off. Black and White would have been a great way to shift things even a little by having the branded pair be together while ALSO having half the brand with someone else at the SAME TIME. Can you imagine??

And yet as recently as 2021 that didn’t happen.

Sometimes change takes time and patience and I think OF is doing really good work, even if it doesn’t go as far as we might wish.

EVEN IF all our branded pairs end up together unsubverted (which is not what I am hoping for but EVEN IF), this show will have still begun paving the way for more varied storylines and pairings in shows

The Clash of Generational Lenses

Speaking of the end game, lets talk about a little thing called hope.

I had a very interesting discourse back around, hmmm episode 6, with @shouldiusemyname and @plantsarepeopletoo , about the sheer confusion I felt about Tumblr’s idea that every one of these characters should end up apart simply because they’d done bad things or something? (this is extremely generalized. I was missing a lot of nuance from both Tumblr and my own lens hence the unpacking then and now).

Now I went into this show fully prepared for this to end sadly and I largely viewed this expectation of  sad as everyone ending up broken up and alone. I don’t normally watch sad by choice, but I was willing to try this one because Jojo’s stories are SO beautifully compelling that I knew it would be worth the journey. I have watched Love of Siam (not Jojo but sad) and Gay Okay Bangkok (complicated), two very different shows reflective of their times and their creators and from the beginning, Only Friends did not feel like those (although the links to Gay Okay Bangkok and the exploration of real queer relationships has been fascinating and I am very glad I watched that one before OF).

So why was there this, almost prescribed hopelessness, being projected onto these very young characters who were just in the process of finding themselves? Why were these young people’s flaws and choices so linked to the idea that they would end up alone?

Now @shouldiusemyname told me the following (in the context of a much wider discourse):

Ahhh I like this cos this is something I take very much for granted and I think it’s a generational gap thing. This is a reaction to the way we were brought up (again generalizing cos sometimes it’s necessary). There was no alternative to monogamy and being queer meant that you can’t have that for 2 reasons: 1.    Law doesn’t allow 2.    Socially unacceptable cos being gay was seen as what kind of sex you were having as opposed to relationships. If you don’t have the gay sex, you’re not gay. This is also the reason for being anti het norm. We couldn’t have that so we needed to find the alternative and have ALL of it.

We were both generalizing A LOT, but this idea was MIND BLOWING to me at the time.

(For the record I am born late 1990s, Shouldiusemyname is born early 1980s (and Plantsarepeopletoo is born late 80s so we have variety covered lol!))

Because while, (as @waitmyturtles for example has pointed out on multiple occasions) the imposition of purity culture and monogamy on queer culture (and in general) is wrong, the idea that no queer people are desiring commitment or monogamy is also wrong. (I am not here suggesting that even in an ideal world where queer people TRULY HAD equal rights they would magically all want monogamous long-term relationships because that’s just not true. In addition hets regularly oppose the het norm as well, long-term monogamous relationships are unwanted by many of them).

I come from a strong biological background (which unequivocally supports more than two sexes and more than two genders, do not come back here and make this about that, got it!) and am currently doing a PhD in Palaeontology so a lot of my relationship understanding is informed by a wider understanding of breeding, monogamy and nonmonogamy in reproduction across the animal and plant kingdoms just by exposure (and yes reproduction in the plant kingdom is very much included, some plants have both male and female parts, it’s fascinating!). And monogamy is present in a hugely wide range of species, it’s not soley something humans came up with just because of religious norms. Addtionally, there is the development of consistent monogamous and/or committed polygamous relationships (historically, most commonly men with multiple wives) across a huge number of cultures throughout history largely for the fostering of children. Most of this influence has been more irrelevant for the queer community because of their inability to produce children in monogamous pairs*, and children are a huge sticking point for the NEED for long-term stable relationships. So, without this sticking point (combined with the aforementioned factors around law and discrimination), relationships are viewed as less permanent. Thus, I had to unpack my own casual assumptions that relationships normally have a long-term goal. (*Generalizing hugely, obviously there are lots of variations that can produce biological children without assistance, but these points most strongly apply to same-sex relationships)

For example, I find the way this plays out in a show like What Did You Eat Yesterday particularly fascinating, and have realized since starting Season 2 that I had missed a lot of this subtext in the first season because, to me, the idea that the central couple would stay and grow old together was a given. PARTLY because of monogamous cultural lenses, but ALSO because they loved each other and wanted to be together, so why wouldn’t they assume they would stay and grow old together?

I also realized that I am further sheltered in this mindset by not just my age but by the acceptance of my wider family of non-marriage as a concept (or even just not having to have children) as normal and okay. My Grandfather (in his 80s) is one of 10 children and has multiple siblings (my great uncles/aunts) who 1 never married or 2 married but chose never to have children. While I am not going to pretend that my uncles/aunts were never judged for such things, that judgment was NEVER part of my upbringing and we visited my single and/or childless great-uncles just as often as those with children.

I seem to have gotten sidetracked…What is the wider point I am making here?

Ah yes

Only Friends is so interesting because it’s shot like it’s set in the 80s & 90s, before the turn of the millennia, with so much homage paid to the queer stories and reality that the youth of this time grew up with. But the generational change that the last two decades or so have brought is inarguably huge, and so these characters, all born after the turn of the century, are not truly from the world that, in some ways, it looks like they’ve been placed into. @wen-kexing-apologist did an extremely comprehensive post about gay cruising culture and Boston that was extremely relevant to his character and the story being told, but it also was a specific throwback to something that is different in the 2020s. Not because people like Boston don’t exist, but because the turn of the century brought with it so many things that make this exact thing more complicated.

And OF has been showing us why! Surveillance, SO MUCH surveillance, every character has been recorded or recorded other characters or shared recordings of other characters, sometimes all of the above, and this surveillance does have a deep impact on the relationships today’s young people engage in! Not just the queer community but all young people of today are under near constant scrutiny and surveillance, and the young people born in the last couple decades have grown up like this, queer or not.

One last thing to mention here is the specific, observable, phenomenon that has been going on in Thailand, it is clear when you look at media like Love of Siam (2008) and compare it to ITSAY (2020) (which I haven’t even seen yet gah but I still know this is a great example). The phenomenon of BL, for all its flaws, has wrought change in the psyche and culture of the people of Thailand, ESPECIALLY the young people, and this is absolutely informing our six main characters views on relationships because they would have gone through high school with this as a major part of their culture.

Themes and Endgame: I Think Hope is the Point

All this draws me back into how I think OF will end, because it’s been at the heart of the show throughout, and that is hopefully, Only Friends will end hopefully.

Jojo has (I believe) stated outright that his primary goal for this show was to represent his community in truth, the messy non-het non-monogamy of queer youths in their 20s has been playing out across our screens, but the thing that has been keeping my attention riveted on Only Friends is the heart of it all.

The journeys of growth and discovery on this show have been magnificent. @thegalwhorants has been pointing out the intentional parallels of language this show has been using to highlight some of that growth, and that is just one very interesting fraction of the way this show has used words, music (@plantsarepeopletoo), colours, styles and more to represent the transformation characters are going through as they grow into themselves before our eyes.

A few very brief examples:

Mew’s switch to wearing Ray’s wardrobe when he is trying not to care but cares so much about Top.

Ray’s changed wardrobe to match the style Sand picked out for him even as he tried to choose Mew and couldn’t, because he’s already moved on, even when he couldn’t accept it.

Nick’s whole makeover to catch Boston’s attention later even catching Dan’s attention and the way that in that scene with Boston outside in ep10, Nick had returned to his shorts and t-shirt because he finally felt seen the way he sees Boston.

One’s sense of self is often built in part, around their relationships (family, friends, sexual and romantic), ESPECIALLY in collectivist cultures, and so much of our 20s involves growing and learning who you are through these relationships. I have seen arguing about toxic friendship groups and how they all need to just let each other go, and maybe that is the best endgame, I don’t know. Sometimes, growing together can be so much stronger, and sometimes, growing apart is the only way to move forward.

But these last two eps in particular (but honestly every moment of this show) have left me with the feeling that hope is the point. Because things HAVE changed, the world is moving and the things possible in 2023 are often utterly unthinkable to the youth of the 1980s, 1990s and before. The world is growing, acceptance and love have always been there but, surveillance or no, it’s so much easier to find now.

To be queer is no longer to be isolated, not in the way it once was, it is not a sentence of aloneness. Nor a stamp of irrevocable pain. Are things good now? HECK NO, you look at any statistic: homelessness, mental health, suicide rate, poverty; Being queer makes your life harder.

No matter how hard you try things might get worse and while that’s true for all people, queerness compounds that and often makes the consequences of your choices harder through isolation.

But the isolation is less now and I think OF wants to show that

You may do many things and sometimes these things will hurt no matter how careful you are, Not caring isn’t the point, Not feeling isn’t the point, God every character on this show feels so MUCH

This episode had moments of complete heartbreak

Complete regret

And complete Joy

And there is much more still to come

So when I think about endgame, I think about hope, and the lessening of isolation for all, and this does not mean 3 perfectly happy couples in perfect monogamous relationships wrapped up with a neat little bow, It means six individuals who have learned and grown through friendship and love, this may mean healed relationships, it may not, this may mean healed friendships, it may not. (It may mean Top, Mew and Boeing in a throuple but maybe I’m the only one hoping for that lol). We’ve clearly got more drama and pain to come but I am confident now that things will end with hope.

I do not know how Jojo and co will show that, but I trust them, and I can’t wait to find out.

[the-mistholme-museum]

Okay so (sorry if you've answered this before, Tumblr isn't turning anything up, but the search function is notorioisly...nonfunctioning) I have a question.

I'm trying not to give many dire spoilers to anyone else new, but what are the 'proper' pronouns for the Queen's child? Do the fae even conceptualise them the same way/does it even matter to them? I noticed that Queen usually uses 'they' for their child, but also just kind of goes with the flow well enough, and uses 'he' sometimes when Guide is using 'he' to refer to him. (And, sidenote, I'm p sure they're always or almost always referred to as they themself too. I can't remember if anyone besides Guide refers to any of the other fae using pronouns and not just titles/nomikers, and Guide assumes Stranger is 'he', but is that correct? Or, again, is there even such a thing as 'correct' when it comes to the fae? Is this something they care about? Or, also, could it be something they purposely don't clarify and prefer the ambiguity, because the less people know for certain, well...the less people know! And the less they have over you! That does seem to be how they operate).

And Beast I'm pretty sure referred to them as 'he' a couple times soon after Guide said what ppl at Mistholme knew him as, but usually defaults back to 'she' still, because that's how he remembers his friend.

I'm just interested to know if there's an answer to this, I suppose, and if it will be brought to a conclusion in the show or purposely left ambiguous. I think either way is interesting, as from my questions above, I've been turning this around a lot.

Also, related: was the whole backstory of the Queen's child, with the pulling away from family and finding a place with Beast instead, and then going back only to basically take what they could (what was theirs) and leave again, stay estranged because of the expectations of them they didn't want, plus added in that Beast literally knew his close friend as a girl only for him to be known as a man later in life... was that Supposed to be a trans allegory at inception, or was that just a happy accident? I feel like it's too much to be accidental, but I thought I'd ask. I love it either way and was really taken in by Beast's arc, and I'm very interested to see how it pans out when (if?) they [Queen's child]

Sorry that was so long lol. I've just been bingeing the show the past few days whilst i was working on things and it's been on my mind a lot!

Hey, thanks for listening and also thinking so much about the show!

I've kept things a little ambiguous with regard to the Fae's concept of gender, because it allows for the conflict between the Queen and The Man to be about more than just one thing. It's about gender, but also parental expectations and finding yourself and whatever else it sparks inside you. The Fae are very different from us in a lot of ways, but also a lot like us in others, and that means the story can resonate with our experiences without being a direct allegory.

I was definitely thinking in terms of gender discovery and transness, but from the Queen's perspective we don't even really know if that's part of it at all for them. I wrote the Fae to have a different concept of gender to us because, well, why wouldn't they? And then I've left it a bit ambiguous because explaining everything about something can make it mundane, and I definitely don't ever want the alternatural to be mundane. In my head, the Queen is The Man's only "Parent", they just decided to have an heir and kind of... manifested one? Because that seems like something a Fairy Queen would do. But that's not really important to the narrative, so, no need to include it.

Pronouns for characters are:

Guide: It/Its

The Queen: They/Them

The Man: Tricky. The people in the Museum use He/Him, because that's what they've known him as this whole time and they've never been corrected. They don't know how The Fae relate to gender and they have bigger problems at this point.

The Queen uses They/Them, because The Man is more than just an individual- they're The Heir, they're not a person they're the future, and all of The Queen's expectations made manifest. Sometimes they've said He in front of the Guide, because the Guide has actually interacted with The Man far more recently than The Queen has, and they're like... going along with that? But they always default back to neutral terms.

The Beast still thinks of The Man as their friend, the person they were when they were both cubs. It's very stuck in the past, desperate for a return, and the complexity of the Fae isn't something it understands. Sometimes it uses He/Him, but it's not really sure what it all means.

Stranger: He/Him is probably fine? I think Stranger probably changes it on a whim to mess with people anyway lol.

[wingzie]

Hi Lovely!

You are the G.O.A.T Jikook historian and I love, love, love your threads on Twitter. I also love your posts you’ve been doing here on your thoughts and perspectives all things Jikook, jikookers and the fandom.

I have a question. I’ve already talked about it a while ago but I wanted your take. What’s your opinion on people feeling like Jikook haven’t been the same post-2020 and the fact that EVEN MORE feel like since chapter two Jikook are not in a ‘relationship’ anymore. I use ‘relationship’ as it’s the easiest word to use for them for this ask, whatever people believe the labels for Jikook’s jikooking should be.

Do you think that:

a. There IS a difference in Jikook of the past and Jikook of now?

b. Do you think that if they once had something they no longer do?

c. Do you think that Jikook are no longer close after chapter 2.

We know Jikook are currently serving together and used the buddy system but apart from that, if you were to answer the above with evidence as the Jikook historian you are, what’s your take.

Thank you for your part in making Jikook spaces fun and informative 😉

💜

Hello! Thank you for your kind words and for sending in the ask. Let’s get into it with some honest truths: I don’t see a difference and I don’t think anything has changed. I am very much aware of what people are saying, but this is a pattern that repeats itself every single time there is less content to “feed” those who are less patient. Or, even worse,  those who want to control Jimin and Jungkook.

On 8th March 2020, BTS were told that their April concerts in Seoul would be cancelled. As we know, this later included the cancellation of their entire tour. Both the members and entire fandom were very upset about this, but I remember very vividly reading takes on the Jikook side of Tumblr saying: "but what about our Jikook content?" When, in all honesty, that should never have been the main focus when the entire world was experiencing a pandemic. I've seen this complaint several times. This happened during their vaction in 2019 and it's even happening now whilst they are in the military. It is incredibly selfish. I may be a Jikooker, but I understand that Jimin and Jungkook are their own people.

Hindsight is also a wonderful thing. There are a lot of times that we don't know about something, until it is revealed later on. We didn't know that Jikook ate dinner together after one of their concerts until the docuseries was released. This goes for 2018 AND in 2022. There are certain things that Jikook do because it is to heavily engrained into their routine together. We just won't always witness or hear about it.

How is this all linked though? There has been a change in content releases. We were used to Memories being released every summer and a Run episode every Tuesday. Episode 155 was the last weekly episode, released in October 2021. The last Special Episode was released in February 2023. They would have been filmed years apart, but they still show the same closeness and loving spirit. Both of these episodes also included some Jimin butt loving from Jungkook!

When chapter 2 began, it was obvious that Jimin and Jungkook were focusing on their own things. They do not have a persona in BTS to explore with, so this was their chance to share their stories or experiment with other music. Though busy, they still supported each other massively with social media posts or hyping each other on Lives. This is another pattern which has maintained over the years.

We also know that they have been on several trips together. They may have been on many more that we don't know of. I personally don't worry about it, I just support them as much as I can without putting any pressure on them. That would be unfair. I just think that whenever we do see anything from them, we are very lucky.

I know this response is probably what you (and others) weren't expecting, but I think those saying these things are probably too involved in Jimin and Jungkook's lives. That also goes with the amount of leaked photos and videos lately that I have seen on all platforms. Respect goes a long way and some are abusing it. (And thank you for always showing it in your own posts!) I am working on a "Jikook during Chapter Two" post, coming soon!

[letteredlettered]

Hi!! Have you ever struggled with burnout, depression, or overwork? Currently in my first job post college and it’s been very intense as we are currently like 3 people doing the work of a team designed for 7 people (two roles they are working to fill and two people are out on leave -> one is out on vacation and the other on parental leave). Have spent many ours on overtime (around two days a week I usually sleep five or six hours and spend a few more hours working —> other days I work a bit less but still some overtime) for the last few months. It’s really hard to decompress and stop thinking about work as I work remotely. I need to get better at setting limits and advocating for myself but I think one issue I’ve been dealing with is getting caught in a cycle of having a lot so having not a lot of time to do an analysis of like what needs to change and this is my bandwidth. Also it’s hard to predict bandwidth sometimes because I’m still very new to this industry and department, so I’m still learning how much coordination is necessary to get something done. Another problem is that everyone is stretched to their limit and extremely busy, so I feel kind of bad rejecting projects. I think an issue is that I also have relatively low self-esteem and confidence but a deep desire to be “good” from like an academic perspective and a work perspective, and the main leader of my team is someone who I like a lot and appreciates what I do, so I keep trying to do more or at least meet expectations. I also receive assignments from different people (five people total, usually), so people generally don’t have visibility as to my bandwidth unless I speak up. One person in particular gave me a lot of assignments with a good deal of time pressure and was the person that I was working the closest with —> still trying to catch up to some of the more evergreen projects I had with him because the other projects I’ve had in the last two months have even way too intense to do anything else. I’m really grateful for this job and I like a lot of the people I work with, but I’m kind of struggling.

I mention all of this because I really respect the way you are able to commit to creative projects and create incredible works and really focus on making something. I’ve never really had an ability to stick to a creative project or hobby for an extended period of time —> frequently I disappoint myself in my lack of consistency or follow-through for a lot of my personal goals. I also really appreciate the way that you engage with certain themes in your work and value your perspective. So just kind of curious if you’ve been through this before or have any thoughts about this sort of thing

I've thought a lot about what to tell you here.

What anyone would recommend is that you set boundaries and take care of yourself. They'd say that your well-being is more important than your work. If they read your ask carefully they'd realize that maybe your performance in this job is connected to your well-being in your mind. If they're looking at the strings that control the system they're going to tell you capitalism has brainwashed us into thinking that we should sacrifice our health for the sake of production, and then they'll tell you you should do what you can to break out of the capitalist mentality. If they're not excited about seizing the means of production then their in-universe advice (in-the-capitalist-universe advice) is going to point out that you cannot produce more for the capitalist machine if you're burnt out (I'd call these people the neoliberals of tumblr but I'm not sure that exists; I haven't seen it).

But none of that is really addressing the problem here, because you already know all of that, or if you don't know it, knowing that isn't going to help you. You don't need to be told to set boundaries. You know you accept too many projects; you know that you haven't been clear with your colleagues about your bandwidth. You know you're trying too hard to please others and that part of the reason is you have a low self-esteem.

Something that people don't talk about enough is how bad it feels to set boundaries. When people advise others to "set boundaries" it's always as if it's never occurred to anyone else to stand up for themselves. The problem is that it usually has occurred to us, but it's hard to do and feels bad. Hearing "stand up for yourself!" repeatedly can sometimes help us feel like we did the right thing when we do manage to stand up for ourselves, but it can just as often make you feel even worse when you can't stand up for yourself. You're being overworked and you're not doing the thing that everyone tells you you should do.

And another thing that people do not talk about enough is that most workplaces do not like employees who set boundaries for themselves. They like people who say yes. You often won't get in trouble for setting reasonable limits for yourself, but you won't advance. The ones who work late and work on weekends and take on every project and say nothing about bandwidth are usually the ones who get promoted. I'm not saying this because it's right or okay. It's another flaw in the capitalist system. But it is very often true, and I've been a little frustrated that in all these glorious discussions about boundary-setting, this is not something that gets talked about more.

So what to do, when you know the answers, but it doesn't feel great, and might not get you where you want to go?

Spend time with your feelings. A lot of time with your feelings. Imagine ways to communicate your bandwidth. Imagine how you would feel in each scenario. Pick scenarios that feel more comfortable and less intimidating for you. Imagine saying no to a new project. Imagine how you would feel doing that. Pick a way of doing it that feels the most manageable.

Think about your colleagues, what you like about them and why. Imagine how they would feel if they knew that you were struggling. Imagine having an honest conversation with them about how hard this is for you. Would they listen open and compassionately? Would they try to make changes that could help you? Or would they say, "We're all going through it," and "there's nothing to be done?" Imagine saying to them, "I know we're all going through this, because of the staffing challenges we're facing," and "I know there's not much to be done about this, but this is how I'm feeling." Would they accept your vulnerability? Would it make you feel bad to be vulnerable in that way? Would it make you feel worse to be vulnerable in that way or to say nothing?

That's not a leading question. Saying nothing is okay. There have been many times where I am facing a problem and I realized that doing nothing was the thing that made me feel best. There were other times when I really didn't want to do something and I knew it would be incredibly hard, but I knew I would feel much better having done it.

Think about your self-esteem and confidence. Why don't you feel confident? When you imagine saying no, and it feels bad, what makes it feel so bad? Is it because other people don't say no? Are you measuring yourself against those other people? How can you stop doing that? Or is it because you feel like a good worker always says yes? Where did you get that idea? Was it an idea communicated to you by people who love you? By society? Are there people who haven't made you feel that your worth as a person was predicated on how much you were able to accomplish? When is the last time you spent time with them? What makes you feel good about yourself? When is the last time you did it? Are there things you can do outside of work to boost your confidence? What are they? Can you do them? Why not? If work is holding you back from doing them, is it worth it?

It's okay if work feels worth it. I'm not endorsing the capitalist machine when I say that it is okay to do something that is really difficult or unpleasant for a certain amount of time to get where you are going. But if that's what you're going to do, then develop a plan of escape. Ask yourself how long you're willing to put up with this. Ask yourself what the next step in your career or life journey is. Ask yourself what you will put up with to get there and what is unacceptable. Write it down if you have to, then try to abide by that, and if you are unable to bear your plan six months down the line, make a new one.

I am fortunate in that these kinds of questions come really naturally to me, and I think they must not come so naturally for a lot of other people. Definitely, there are blocks in my mind; I'm not always able to understand myself or my own feelings; I don't know what's best for myself or how to make myself do things I want. But this kind of thinking is not going to give you immediate answers. Instead, it's going to build the skill of getting to know yourself.

The ultimate question you should be asking is "What will make me happy?" It sounds like a simple question, but it is in fact the most difficult of all. It is the question we struggle with every day, and every book that was ever written, every song that was ever sung, every painting that was ever painted is about that, in the end. The answer to that question is the meaning of life. Most people never find it, but the search is worth it.

It's definitely worth it.

[sunflower73498]

My early thoughts on Season 3 Ep 1-5

mostly unprocessed ramblings but things I want to keep thinking about

(1) I think most importantly, Wille and Simon (and the rest of the characters, really) act like actual teenagers - teens don’t have it all together and don’t always communicate their feelings well and sometimes struggle to see things from other perspectives, especially when they are traumatized and grieving. I love that they show what a complicated phase of growing up adolescence is, in a very realistic way. Many teens struggle with lack of control in their own lives and can act out because of it, and in Wille’s case this is majorly amplified by having even less control because of the monarchy.

(2) fandom has idolized Erik, but I’ve never thought he was that great. As the viewer we get him more from Wille’s perspective so an idealized version of him until now, but there are definitely words and actions in s1e1 that were major red flags.

(3) I feel so bad for Wilhelm and his lack of support or interest from his parents. His outburst was deserved. Extreme, and scary, but what he said to them was a long time coming.

(4) I’ve seen people on Twitter saying that this season takes back some of Wilhelm’s character growth in season 2, which I disagree with. A handful of therapy sessions doesn’t fix his grief, the impact of being in the spotlight, his lifelong anxiety, or his parents neglecting him. I’m Season 2 he began a long journey of figuring out what matters to him, but that was just the first step, and I think s3 does a good job of showing how that is very much still a work in progress for him. He is trying, but often missteps and doesn’t communicate well.

(5) really loving getting to explore Simons emotions and reactions more. He’s also a work in progress just from a different starting point. He has his own family trauma, but having the support of his mom and his friends definitely makes a difference in how he approaches problems, even if his mom isn’t always the most attentive either. It’s also a realistic family dynamic with a history of domestic trauma/violence.

(6) I appreciated the hazing plot line. I went to a big public university in the US with very active Greek life, and our sororities and fraternities always had lots of hazing problems. The fraternities much more so, including a kid dying due to the hazing process while I was there, but some of my friends who rushed sororities also had some bad stories to tell.

(7) the acting is phenomenal

there are so many ups and downs for Wilmon and I’m glad the characters are complex and imperfect enough that I feel so deeply for them, even when it hurts as a fan of the ship and the individual characters. It hurts so much at times because it matters and it’s so real. Yeah, not everyone is a rich prince, but the emotions, the struggle for control and identity, is very universal.

(I really hope I’ve tagged this for spoilers appropriately. I’ve been on tumblr for 13+ years but mostly just lurk)

[erzatz3117]

Ok, I really need to try my hand at this

YOU: With a bright green flash, the antediluvian servers of Automattic memorised your newest piece of miscellaneous Total Decay illustration.

TRIVIA [Trivial: Success]: "Dahn Sinkewicz and Total Decay" is the book you've been writing, with inconsistent success, for the past 7 months.

TORTURED ARTIST [Easy: Success]: Do you think he could just *forget* about his upcoming nearly-finished magical-realist, new-sincerity, Columbo-meets-Boris-goddamn-Yeltsin detective masterpiece?

DECONSTRUCTION [Medium: Success]: Will it become less derivative if you add more compound adjectives? Also, I don't think "magical-realist" should be hyphenated.

BLACK MIRROR OF PRE-APOCALYPTIC POST-TRUTH: Time is dripping from the ceiling, it's drops making monotone clicking sounds. No living soul has observed your art yet. Or, at least, did not feel anything at all in the process.

1. "What am I doing wrong? I checked all the boxes!"

2. [Delete your Tumblr account immediately.]

YOU: [Delete your Tumblr account immediately.]

BLACK MIRROR OF PRE-APOCALYPTIC POST-TRUTH: You will not leave this place. You have one too many *mutuals*.

1. "What am I doing wrong? I checked all the boxes!"

YOU: What am I doing wrong? I checked all the boxes!

BOX-FITTING [Easy: Success] You even posted it at the correct *time window*!

TRIVIA [Medium: Failure] Don't fret, towarisch, this lack of activity is easily explained by... Sorry, I'll sit this one out.

DECONSTRUCTION [Hard: Success]: Maybe we could look at it from an artistic perspective?

TORTURED ARTIST: What are you implying? It's awesome! Atleast, it is certainly better than some *creations* you see on here occasionally...

EMPATHY [Trivial: Success] SHUT UP, FOR REAL. Do I need to refer you to the sign?

+5 XP gained from thought "Never Be Mean"

NERD-JOCK TRANSUBSTANTIATION [Legendary: Success]: You're obviously just not cut for this liberal arts nonsense, bratan! You have gym practice this Wednesday, remember? Your only goal is *the grind*, so show them you don't care about online recognition!

1. [Attempt to throw a tantrum.]

1. [Attempt to throw a tantrum.]

NODE COORDINATION [Impossible: Failure]: The neural pathway previously used for rapid mental mobilisation has dissipated under pressure from punitive education practices and liberal consumption of inhibitory neurotransmitters. I am sorry.

NERD-JOCK TRANSUBSTANTIATION [Hard: Success] Is that yarn-head trying to say that you can't *get angry* anymore?

HOMEOSTASIS: I'm clicking all the right buttons, yet nothing is happening. So yes, our capability for strong emotions has largely atrophied.

NERD-JOCK TRANSUBSTANTIATION [Impossible: Failure]: Wow, that... sucks, bratan. We will have to work around this in the future, I guess...

BLACK MIRROR OF PRE-APOCALYPTIC POST-TRUTH: The obsidian obelisk shudders, emitting a familiar glow: a new notification from Tumblr.

BLACK MIRROR OF PRE-APOCALYPTIC POST-TRUTH: Let's see: your mutual liked your post...

TORTURED ARTIST [Easy: Success] Where did I put my corkscrew?

DECONSTRUCTION [Medium: Success] I wouldn't be so optimistic.

BLACK MIRROR OF PRE-APOCALYPTIC POST-TRUTH: It's a... *funny-haha* post you reblogged an hour ago.

EMPATHY [Hard: Failure]: It seems as if we are the only unpopular person here.

TRIVIA [Trivial: Success]: That is a mathematical impossibility.

1. [Try again to come up with a reasonable explanation for why the notes under your art never exceed single digits.]

2. "You know, this just makes me more convinced that social networks are an instrument of isolation, not connection." [Send the art to that one guy on Discord who seems to like it.]

2. "You know, this just makes me more convinced that social networks are an instrument of isolation, not connection." [Send the art to that one guy on Discord who seems to like it.]

DIGITAL SPECTRE OF A FRIEND OF A FRIEND: It takes the man you only know from a vestigial meme server a couple seconds to look at the image you've sent to him. He finally answers...

DIGITAL SPECTRE OF A FRIEND OF A FRIEND: "Hey, that is pretty nice! I am always blown away by the depth of your worldbuilding!"

MORALE HEALED +1

EMPATHY [Medium: Success]: Okay, at least this guy likes us.

DECONSTRUCTION [Easy: Success] This veritably shows that our art is not *bad*, so something else must be going on here.

NERD-JOCK TRANSUBSTANTIATION [Medium: Success]: Hey, this bro is *real*!

NOISE SUPPRESSION [Easy: Success]: Everything inside you feels lighter, *validated*, somehow.

1. [Excitedly jump out of your bed.]

2. [Output a highly memetic sound of deep satisfaction.]

1. [Excitedly jump out of your bed.]

EXPLOSIVE POWER [Formidable: Failure]: Your brain sends out a clear signal, but your sore muscles don't move a millimeter.

HOMEOSTASIS: Sorry, boss, not happening. We should've had more that one meal today if we wanted to perform entrance-level acrobatic tricks like that.

2. [Output a highly memetic sound of deep satisfaction.]

2. [Output a highly memetic sound of deep satisfaction.]

NOMINALIZATION [Trivial: Success]: I know a couple good ones, *bestie*. Would look really *-core* on your *moodboard*, or whatever.

YOU: "Yipee!", you say, "Wahoo!", you whimper.

UNDIAGNOSED MENTAL ILLNESS (AKA "THE TUTORIAL"): This feedback cycle has officially concluded. You must create more art to feel satisfaction again.

HOMEOSTASIS [Trivial: Success]: Can we go to sleep now? Tomorrow is gonna be hell by all margins...

BLACK MIRROR OF PRE-APOCALYPTIC POST-TRUTH: Hey, you can't go! You'll miss so much stuff you won't care about!

1. "You're right, my beloved obelisk!" [Keep scrolling for 4 more hours, completely ruining your following week.]

2. "Sorry, *siliconstie*, but I really need to go." [Finally go to sleep.]

2. "Sorry, *siliconstie*, but I really need to go." [Finally go to sleep.]

Thought gained: The Ovine Enumerator

[yonpote]

also some ppl asked me abt what i was talking about w like. SOME fans' perceptions toward dnp's early relationship. giant nonsense under cut :3

essentially it was about like, i guess we have an idea in our heads about what a parasocial relationship between a celebrity and a fan looks like right. and there can be issues there when boundaries are crossed, particularly when the celebrity is the one to cross that boundary without acknowledging the inherent power dynamic that they hold. this is still an issue that can happen with youtubers to this day ESPECIALLY because the line between creator and fan is so blurred.

when we hear about how dan and phil's relationship started out, from the current perspective we have towards parasocial youtube relationships, it can look a lot like that power dynamic. i mean for the most part, its something that's joked about, but specifically from the view of a "crazy fan". dan is phil trash, hes the ultimate phillie, he's the parasocial fan who won, i mean even HE joked about it back in the day (in a much edgier way) with his video about befriending internet stars by doing all these horrible things.

but it's important to remember what youtube was like in 2009, and what youtube culture specifically in the UK was like in 2009. those old halloween gathering vlogs and old sitc vlogs are all still up on youtube, and you can see it really was just. 50 nerds standing in a field huddled around doing whatever. the only thing i could compare it to in my personal life was going to facebook group cosplay meetups in washington square park in nyc, just a bunch of nerds wearing horns in a park and then going to get mcdonalds afterwards lol.

a youtuber wasnt even a real thing at this point in time. there was no money to be made really, just internet clout. cant remember who said this in a call recently, but someone made this comparison: dan and phil meeting each other was less like a modern day youtuber meeting a fan and more like a tumblr user with several thousand followers meeting a tumblr user with a few hundred followers. like in terms of a dynamic, sure phil was a few years older and had some internet clout, but that didnt have nearly as much weight back then as it does today. also fine lets talk about the age gap.

dan was 18 and phil was 22. a lot of (american) people talk about this and are like "oop red flag!" and im american so i kinda get it. especially when you know about how college dudes can and do prey on girls fresh out of high school like that. but a couple things to remember.

there are different standards for age differences in relationships everywhere around the world and we cant just view everything from the one mindset we know, and in terms of mental differences, 18 really isnt that different from 22 (frontal lobe aint done developing just yet yall)

they are two queer guys. and im not saying whatever isnt possible but like its something to take into account that queer relationships are just not going to be in the same framework as het ones.

they are two neurodivergent guys. a common thing w neurodivergence is feeling like youre being left behind by peers.

alright lets focus on that last point shall we? think about it this way. dan had just finished [UK equivalent of high school SORRY FOR BEING AMERICAN] but he is taking a gap year. from what hes said and what we've seen of this time, it seems like his friends have gone off to uni and he was kind of alone and figuring out what he should even do. idk if he even decided on studying law yet by the time he started talking to phil.

speaking of whom... phil had also just finished school, he finished his masters at uni! i posted a clip on here that i found really interesting from a (pre-dan) 2009 vlog of phil being open about like, feeling scared about what to do once school was over. he had to get a job and move out of his parents house and become a Real Man.

if you think about it, dan and phil were in much more similar boats than you might think at first glance. they were both extremely internet queerdos who were being forced to "grow up" and felt kind of isolated from their peers who seemed to have their shit together in comparison. there was a lot they could relate to even outside of common interests or anything like that.

its not a lie that there was some parasocial nature to their relationship at the start, but it's not nearly the same as other later cases of youtuber-fan relationships. but also! maybe im only saying all this cuz it worked out right? what abt [redacted] and [redacted]? two queer guys, similar ages to dnp, similar amounts of internet clout, but they didnt work out. so maybe it really is just bc its dan and phil specifically that it managed to work out.

[agentravensong]

i've had a fic in my drafts for multiple years now (first version of it is from shortly post witch in the web) about paul becoming something of a surrogate dad for hannah (or, more accurately, just beginning on that journey, and then the events of tgwdlm happen). and now i have an idea for a similar story that i think i'm even less likely to finish, so i'm gifting it to tumblr:

bill becoming grace's new, better dad (potentially leading to, depending on how much you want to balloon the scope, the full ccrp gang (minus ted, for timeline reasons we'll get to shortly) becoming psuedo-parental figures for the full npmd protag gang)

to start: bill and grace. i think we can all agree that grace deserves better parents, right? well, there's one reason i think bill is the prime candidate to step into that role for her: they're canonically the same denomination and go to the same church. meaning that a) bill has seen this girl once a week for probably her whole life, so he's got to at least know her a little bit by now, and b) grace probably has a baseline level of respect for and willingness to listen to him, at least compared to any of the other ccrp adults (who are all different denominations).

them having their church in common gives them a starting point, but we also know just how different bill is from grace's parents (for one, he has no problem with his daughter being gay and dating). so being around him could give grace another perspective on life, one she wouldn't be so easily able to dismiss out of hand. there's a chance, however slight, that grace might actually believe him when he shows her there are other ways to be good. other ways to Be.

i guess there's also the possibility that grace's family (and thus grace) could secretly despise bill for not adhering to their version of their denomination's beliefs? but i still think it could work given the right circumstances.

what would be those circumstances, you ask? here's what i think:

the workin boys timeline, post workin boys (gals).

think about it: bill was there, and he has to know grace was there, since she's the one who Dealt with hidgens. imagine being him, and going to church the next sunday, and seeing her there. you'd be at least a little concerned about how she's doing, right?

now, answer me this: do you think grace's parents would be at all equipped to give grace the emotional support she would need after that experience? do you think they'd react at all rationally when they found out about this whole thing?

do you think grace would be able to fully keep up appearances the next time she went to church, after smiting someone in the name of god?

which is to say, i think bill, for as obtuse as he can sometimes be, would notice that she's not okay. and knowing how much he misses alice when she's not around, and how much he always worries for her... i think it's a fair jump to make that bill's fatherly side would start coming out. that he'd offer to be there for grace, and maybe start looking into her family on his own.

and grace, after a short while doing her best to hold things together on her own, cracks, and decides to take him up on that offer.

i think bill would have to do some more developing himself in order to really help grace, because we do see in his relationship with alice that familiar strain of overprotectiveness, even if it's much less dominant than in the chasitys. in that respect, i think setting a version of this idea in the watcher world timeline could be easier, because bill goes through some serious development there... but overall i find that version less interesting for grace, so instead, bill is gonna have to learn the longer way.

it would take a while for bill to start getting at the heart of how grace got messed up by her parents. but i think, with enough time — and maybe some help from a certain social worker and his specially gifted (girl)friend, if we say this timeline is one of the better 50% — he could get there.

now, i mentioned the other npmd teens up top. for the sake of this story, i like imagining that ruth actually survived; she hid when hidgens started murdering and he didn't get to her before the curtains went up. so she gets to be here! yay!

but, uh. none of them are doing too hot. obviously a ruth who lived through that would be traumatized; it might even ruin her love of theater entirely. ritchie saw it all, and i figure ruth wouldn't come out of hiding until after it was all over, so there were a good few minutes at least where he genuinely believed his (maybe best) friend was dead.

and, pete... he wasn't there, but, ya know. he lost his brother. so.

all the kids need help, is the point. and if bill is starting to look after grace, then it's basically inevitable (heh) that he'd start seeing some of ritchie (since he and grace were already kind of friends in this timeline, and i can imagine them developing a trauma bond in the aftermath of the event) and then, by association, ruth. i can even imagine him encouraging grace to hang out with them more as part of her healing, and then they could start having hang-outs at his place, and... plus, i figure the other ccrp adults probably at least vaguely knew about ted's younger brother, so bill doing at least one courtesy check-in on pete makes sense. and pete is friends with richtie and ruth, so, it all comes together!

and at some point, if bill is gonna end up helping out all these teens to some extent, it'll probably become part of his small talk at work, and that's how, if you wanted to, you could get the other adults involved. like, we know paul has babysat for alice before, so i think bill could probably convince him to help out here too... eventually. i mean, it's not like he'd ask him to take them to a musical, given Everything. if paul has started pursuing something with emma, then she can be here too! and charlotte... well, i don't know if we know anything about her opinion on children, and i don't want to stereotype her given she's the only woman of the group. but she's at least generally a nice person; i think she'd be willing to help out when she sees bill starting to get overwhelmed.

which basically just leaves the question of how steph gets involved. my answer: she hears about what happened, then learns that pete's brother was one of the casualties, and through some combo of feeling obligated and having a spark of an interest in pete, reaches out to him to ask how he's doing. so she gets pulled in through him. with this set-up, tho, i figure she probably wouldn't be a major player (though she definitely also deserves a better parent... that can be its own story).

to kind of wrap this up, the point of this whole story concept is that bill accidentally gets a second daughter, figuring out how to be a better dad in the process; and grace, on the precipe of entering adulthood with some fresh trauma, gets a real chance at salvation. a chance to be, relatively, normal. or, whatever she wants to be when free of her parents' expectations and religious standards. anything else for any other characters is a bonus.

(there can also be some alice — bill drama when alice next visits and starts noticing how much bill is devoting himself to this girl that isn't even his daughter. drama that, eventually, results in the two of them becoming closer, and grace getting an honorary older sister!)

(also remember that duke and holloway can be here helping with the kids, if you want them to be. and why wouldn't you?)

like i said up-top, i have no plans to actually write this. y'all can take it and do whatever you want with it. i just hope at least one other person gets something out of this bain blast i had :D