#and going back to Europe soon ^^ so it’s not too sad

[strawberryteabunny]

my suitcase for a week in Rome 🏛

[egcdeath]

off the beaten path

pairing: patrick zweig x reader

summary: what could go wrong with a non-refundable honeymoon and a broken engagement?

warnings: MATURE (mentions of sex but no sex scenes), exes to lovers, idiots to lovers angst, fluff, there was only one bed MULTIPLE times, jealousy!! (like a lot), slow burn, no use of y/n, so much use of the word fuck, a little toxicity, some facts about landmarks are inaccurate for the plot, lots of arguing and making up, miscommunication, seasickness, patrick & reader kinda have no social awareness, a lot of hotels and buses, alcohol, hurt/comfort, happy ending.

word count: 18.4k

author’s note: this was so much longer than i expected it to be, but i loved writing it so so much and i'm gonna be sad to see this pairing go! also, a special thank you to the tour website whose itinerary i used for their trip. i hope you enjoy!

JFK AIRPORT

You scrolled endlessly on your phone as you sat at your gate, trying your hardest to fight off the combination of sleepiness and anxiety that had been slowly creeping up on you for the past hour.  

You should be happy—excited to spend the next month of your life traveling throughout Europe on the trip that you had dreamt about since you were a child. Instead, you were filled with dread at the prospect of your quickly approaching trip, leaving your leg bouncing and your eyes flitting between the device in your hands and the entrance of the gate, anxiously anticipating the arrival of a man that you really really did not want to see. 

Once it was announced that first class was boarding, you quickly hopped out of your uncomfortable seat, hoping that if you boarded quick enough, you might be able to miss your unwanted companion. As you stood in line, you tried your best to be casual about your endlessly swiveling head and wondered if it was too late to simply call the whole thing off. 

Boarding had gone smoothly enough, and as you settled into your seat, you still hadn’t seen any sign of your former fiancé. For a second, a spark of hope lit up in you. Maybe you’d get to experience Europe without that pest in your ear after all. Maybe you could even arrange a friend to come fly out and be with you for a few days, or find someone to have a romantic summer fling with. 

But just as soon as your hope arrived, it departed with the sound of a familiar voice walking down the aisle and directly towards you.

“They wouldn’t let me switch my seat.”

You couldn’t believe that those were the choice of words the man you’d intended to spend the rest of your life with had decided to start with. After months of radio silence. No apologies, no awkward small talk, no sugar-coated words about your situation, just a complaint about the conditions the two of you would be in for the next eight hours. Classic Patrick. 

“That’s too bad,” you replied, already annoyed by his presence. You had underestimated how much of a challenge this trip was going to be, solely based on the speed at which your negative feelings had come to the surface. 

“Yeah, no shit,” he muttered under his own breath, putting some luggage into the overhead bin above your seats. 

“You’re the one who insisted we still go,” you argued, not wanting him to get the last word—even if his last words were meant to be a snarky comment to himself more than anything else. 

“The hotels, tours, and all the other tickets were non-refundable!” he argued right back to you. 

“So?” you shot back like a petulant child. 

“So I didn’t want to waste your money.”

“Oh, how considerate,” you scoffed sarcastically before beginning once more. “You’re rich! You don’t even have to be here!” 

“Just because my family is comfortable doesn’t mean I want to waste my money.”

You openly rolled your eyes at his words. Comfortable was the understatement of the century. “So you didn’t actually want to waste my money. You didn’t want to waste your own.”

“Why can’t it be both?” he asked, sounding exasperated by your line of thinking. You hated when he did that. You kind of hated most things he did now. Maybe you just hated him. 

“I never said it can’t be both, I just think you should stop trying to act like you’re so charitable for doing me a favor. As if our relationship wasn’t filled with me doing you favors.”

“Do you really want to be having this conversation right now?” he asked. 

“Sorry, you’re right. We have the next thirty-five days to talk about it.”

The two of you sighed in a synchronized breath at the mention of the amount of time you had to spend together. You hated that the two of you were still in rhythm after everything you’d been through. Or maybe you just hated Patrick. 

“Who plans a thirty-five day honeymoon anyway?” he huffed. 

“Us, apparently. I mean, you were all for it, what? A few months ago?”

“Only because you wanted it.

“Oh, how could I forget. The ever-charitable Patrick Zweig. Taking a month-long break from hitting balls to be with me. I’m forever in your debt,” you mocked with a dramatic hand to your forehead. “At this rate, you’re gonna send me a list of all of the nice things you’ve ever done for me. What do you want me to say? Thank you for doing the bare minimum as a boyfriend?”

“Fiancé,” he corrected you, earning a very nasty side eye from you in the process of doing so. 

You were beginning to get dirty looks from your fellow first class passengers, which temporarily shut the both of you up. It was never a good idea to piss off people on a plane. You didn’t want to end up on the no-fly list just because you couldn’t bite your tongue around your ex. 

“Remember when you said we could still be friends after this?” Patrick spoke once more after your moment of silence. 

“Of course I remember, but you stopped that from happening when you…” your voice trailed off as you made eye contact with a very displeased looking middle aged woman “Whatever. Let’s just… try to get through this flight. And try not to make any more of a scene.”

“Fine,” he replied, shrugging in your peripheral vision. 

“Fine,” you said back, not wanting him to have the last word.

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“That thing where you think you win every argument just because you said the last thing.”

“I’m not doing that,” you lied. “You think you know me so well.”

A familiar agitated smile broke out on his face, something that you unfortunately missed seeing. “I do know you well, though. I see right through you.”

“You actually don’t, though.”

“I do,” he insisted, the smirk creeping onto his face telling you that he knew you were actively proving his point. 

“Not really,” you dismissed and attempted to casually pull the headphones that were currently sitting on your neck up to cover your ears. You were always grateful to have noise-canceling headphones when you were traveling, but they were coming particularly in handy for you to win this argument. You tried to hide your self-satisfied smirk as you pressed play on your phone, but you could instantly tell that you were failing. 

When you looked back up, Patrick was clearly saying words to you that you weren’t able to hear. Knowing him, he was probably saying something along the lines of, “Real mature.” 

The truth was that he wanted the last word more than you did–which made it particularly rewarding when you gestured to your headphones before throwing your hands out in a shrug to indicate to him that you couldn’t hear him.

Your vacation was already off to a chaotic start. You couldn’t help but fear what the next thirty-five days would be like. 

BARCELONA, SPAIN

Despite the flight only being eight hours long, you were absolutely exhausted by the time that you checked into your hotel room. So exhausted that you failed to remember to request to switch rooms to one with two beds rather than one.

This predicament only came to the forefront of your mind once you and Patrick had already swiped into the room, suitcases lying on the floor and one king-sized mattress presented in front of you. 

“Should I go back down to the front desk?” he asked as he looked from you to the bed. 

“I’m too tired to get a new room,” you replied. You could handle one night next to your ex. You’d slept in a bed together for years. Granted, during those years you were also sleeping together, but this wasn’t all that different. 

“Fine. Don’t complain if I hog blankets, then.”

“Fine,” you replied. “Just stay on your side of the bed.”

You shucked your backpack from your shoulders and walked over to what was typically the side of the bed where you slept when the two of you had been a couple. Not wasting any time to get ready for bed, you began to take off your clothes and search for your pajamas. Once you glanced over your shoulder, you were quite displeased to find Patrick rather openly ogling at you. 

“Stop looking at me,” you demanded.

“What? It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.” He said with a smirk. 

“You’re such a creep,” you muttered, throwing on an old shirt and crawling into bed. 

As you laid in bed and texted your friends and family that you’d arrived at your hotel safely, you took a peek of your own at your former partner as he got ready for bed. He seemed to be going with his classic bedtime attire of just boxers. Bold move. 

Your eyes were momentarily stuck on his abs and enticing happy trail. You’d planned your trip during Patrick’s off season while he was training for his upcoming season, so you were pleasantly unsurprised that he was in such good shape. Your breath caught for a second as you thought about the rest of him, and you desperately tried to repress the low, fiery feeling rising in your stomach. 

“And I’m the creep?” he asked with a laugh, pulling you away from your objectification as he got into bed next to you. 

“Yeah,” you replied, as if you hadn’t just given him the same treatment he’d given you. 

“Well… like what you see?”

You scoffed at his audacity, though you did like what you saw. “I’m not fucking you. Goodnight.”

You hit the light on your nightstand and you swore you heard a quiet sound of disappointment come from Patrick. Bastard.

You turned your back to him and closed your eyes, finding that sleep took you under surprisingly easily.

When you woke up in the morning, you were greeted by a far too familiar feeling. Despite your request for Patrick to stay on his side of the bed, the slow, steady breaths being breathed into your ear and the solid wall of body behind you indicated that he had not only traveled into your space over the course of the night, but was actively spooning you. 

You were shocked to find that you didn’t necessarily mind it. Yes, you were mad at Patrick for everything that had gone down between you, and because he was such a pain in the ass, but you also hadn’t realized just how much you missed being held. Particularly, how much you missed being held by him. 

The more alert you became, the more you realized that you couldn’t really move. Despite that, you found that you didn’t really want to move. Sure, you were beginning to get uncomfortably hot, and yes, you could feel Patrick’s morning wood pressing against your ass, but none of it was particularly unpleasant. 

Part of you wondered if your trip would go differently than you expected. Regardless of how you acted towards one another, you clearly both missed each other. 

Your shrill phone alarm suddenly went off, startling Patrick awake behind you. 

“Mmm, fuck, sorry,” he sleepily slurred as he rolled away from you. You turned over to look at his tired face, eyes still lidded and speckled face looking far softer than you remembered. 

Out of the blue, he opened his eyes, catching you in the act of looking at him with barely-concealed affection. Before he could make some sort of snarky comment, he shot out of bed, adjusted his boxers, and made an urgent beeline towards the bathroom. All of which would’ve been far funnier if his actions hadn’t been disrupted by the loud message ping of his cellphone. 

You weighed out your options. You were curious about what was waiting for him on his phone, but you weren’t sure that you’d have time to properly snoop. As if the universe was listening to your thoughts, the sound of the shower began, telling you that you had all the time that you needed to do some adequate investigation. 

You wondered who was texting Patrick so early in the morning. Knowing him, it was probably his mother, checking in to make sure he made it to his destination safely. You were sure that whatever message she left would also be inquiring about you. She’d always had a bit of a soft spot for you, especially compared to some of the other people that Patrick had brought home. That, of course, was an observation shared to you from Patrick, so you couldn’t be sure how much of it was flattery compared to truth. 

Regardless, her fondness for you had carried into the end of your relationship, with her occasionally messaging or calling you to make sure that you were still doing well, and more importantly, to check in on the status of your relationship. 

Much like you and your friends, she’d been holding out hope that your relationship may repair itself. With you and Patrick being as passionate as the two of you were, you were no strangers to seemingly serious arguments that resolved themselves in a matter of days. While calling off a wedding was far more drastic than any of your other disputes had been, after being together for years, it was hard to imagine a world where the two of you weren’t a couple. 

But his call never came. You didn’t hear an apology or explanation or even an excuse from Patrick—just a suggestion of when you should pick up the items you’d left at his place.

You hated to admit it, but there was a naïve part of you that was still holding out hope that this trip would be exactly what you needed to reconcile. And maybe that naïeve part of you was less delusional than you might’ve originally thought. Surely cuddling into the morning and Patrick’s poorly hidden morning wood were signs that this vacation was already going in the right direction. Maybe being in such close proximity was exactly the push you needed to get your relationship back on track. 

After a halfhearted internal debate, you grabbed his phone from the night stand on his side of the bed. Attempting the passcode he’d been using while you were together—the digits of your birthday—you were pleased to find that the password hadn’t changed and that you were granted access into his phone. What you weren’t expecting to see was Tinder on the homepage of his cracked device. 

You paused for a moment and attempted to reason with yourself. Your former fiancé probably didn’t even use the app. He’d likely been pressured by his rebound-obsessed friends to download it, and hadn’t even opened the app since setting up his profile. Besides, you didn’t get on his phone to see what new apps he’d downloaded, you were snooping to see what his mom had to say about you. 

When you opened his messages app, your mouth promptly fell open in shock. Patrick had always been loyal to you—at least to your knowledge—while the two of you were together. Seeing him be so openly flirtatious and suggestive with an attractive woman that you hadn’t ever heard of was more than jarring. 

Your stomach churned as you scrolled through the conversation, flirty messages and images from both sides that left little to the imagination disturbing you in a way that you hadn’t ever realized was possible. 

In the midst of your distraught state, you nearly missed the background noise of the shower coming to a halt, informing you that your time snooping had come to an end. 

You set his phone back down where you’d found it and desperately tried to push down the bile in your throat that was tasting more and more like jealousy and anger by the second. 

You knew it was irrational for you to be feeling this way, considering that the two of you had been broken up for a few months. Nothing legally or morally tied the two of you together anymore, but that didn’t make you feel any less unsettled by what you’d just seen. 

It was just that… you weren’t sure you’d ever be able to fully move on from Patrick. He’d been part of your life for so long, and the way things ended had been so abrupt that it almost didn’t feel real. Even if you did move on, it was going to take you more than three months to do so. It wasn’t fair that Patrick’s name seemed to pop up every week in your therapy sessions, while he was sending pictures of himself in gray sweatpants to random hot women. 

You wanted to shrink into the mattress and never come back up. You wanted to yell at Patrick the moment he stepped out of the bathroom. You wanted to turn on your side and wail dramatically, at least until all of your big feelings felt a little smaller. 

But you were in Europe on vacation. You were on vacation, damnit, and you weren’t going to let one mildly disturbing text thread ruin your entire experience. Better yet, if Patrick was already moving on, there was no reason that you shouldn’t do the same.

You told yourself this as you rolled out of bed and dug in your suitcase, pulling out a sundress that had driven Patrick wild in the past. While you may have packed it with less than realistic expectations, your goal was far more grounded now. 

Both of you could play this game. 

You stepped out of the bathroom fully dressed after a shower of your own and instantly registered the almost cartoonish look he was giving you. You guessed that some things never changed, even when the two of you had decided to actively pursue other people. 

“The tour guide said to meet in the lobby soon, so I’m gonna head down,” you explained, not giving him a second look as you began to search for your purse. 

“The tour doesn’t start for another half hour?” he replied, sitting up from where he was laying on the bed. 

“Well I wanna socialize with the people we’re gonna be traveling through Europe with,” you said a little snappily, still a little perturbed about what you’d found on his phone earlier. You conveniently left out the fact that you wanted to scope out any potential summer flings. 

“I’ll come with you,” he insisted.

“You really don’t have to. Remember, this isn’t actually a honeymoon,” you slipped on some comfortable shoes and headed to the door. “I’ll see you around.”

You were probably being far more rude than you really needed to be, but your anger had only intensified as you showered and put on makeup. At this point, you were fully pissed—even if you didn’t have the right to be. 

You made small talk with the people you met in the lobby as they began to filter into the room, and tried your absolute best to dispel the anger that was flowing through your veins. That proved harder than you anticipated, as Patrick was one of the last people to join you all in the lobby, and for the life of you, you couldn’t stop imagining him sitting in your shared hotel room and sexting his mystery girl. 

Luckily, you couldn’t dwell on that ugly thought for too long, as your tour began soon after. Your friendly guide took your group around the city, explaining rather riveting information about the landmarks you visited and the city itself.

After being dismissed for a quick break, you found yourself sitting on a bench and chatting with a man in your group. He wasn’t really your type, but he was extremely conventionally attractive, and from the peripheral glances you caught of Patrick, you could tell that he wasn’t exactly pleased with what was going on.

While making him jealous, or annoyed, or whatever it was that he was feeling, wasn’t your expressed goal, it did feel nice to give him a taste of his own medicine. What felt less nice was glancing over and catching him typing on his phone furiously. You could only imagine whose boobs were on the other end of the line. 

Reacting out of a bit of desperation and frustration, you began to play things up. You leaned over more to show off more cleavage, laughed a little harder at jokes that weren’t all that funny, and set a scandalous hand on his arm. You were determined to have that vacation fling now, and you were going to get it by any means necessary. 

You laid it on thick for the rest of the afternoon, sitting next to him during lunch and flirting casually with him as your group walked through Park Güell. 

You wondered if he noticed you throwing glances in Patrick’s direction after every interaction. You hoped that he didn’t. 

It felt good to be getting even with Patrick—but not as good as you expected it to feel. The realization sunk in as a portion of your group visited a bar that was apparently very popular with the locals. Or at least, that’s what a very handsome man purred into your ear after sitting down next to you at the bar.

You’d been keeping an eye on Patrick as he socialized with a couple that he’d been talking to for the majority of your day, but you almost instantly lost track of him as you became consumed with this handsome stranger. 

Everything happened in a bit of a blur—one moment you’d been nursing a Marianito, and the next you were holding the hand of a man whose name you couldn’t remember as he led you to his apartment. 

By the time you’d left his apartment, you were nothing short of a mess. You were pretty sure that the only way you could’ve been more obvious about what had just happened to you was if you had the words “JUST HAD SEX” written across your forehead—and with the way the people in your hotel elevator were looking at you, you couldn’t be completely sure that those words weren’t on your face. 

You made it back to your room safely, quietly opening the door and doing your best not to make too much noise, since at this hour, Patrick was surely asleep. 

It did feel weird to be going back to his bed less than an hour after you’d been with another man, but you couldn’t necessarily say you felt bad. Patrick had started it, and you simply finished it off. If he didn’t have any issues with seeing other people, there was no reason for you to have an issue with it either. 

Your efforts to be quiet had proved themselves to be for naught, as Patrick was very clearly wide awake, sitting up in bed and already looking at you disapprovingly. 

You weren’t sure what possessed you to speak, rather than ignoring his presence and heading straight to the shower, but your mouth was open before you could stop yourself. 

“Were you just gonna wait here until I got back, like I’m a kid who just snuck out or something?” you asked in disbelief, partially annoyed because of his action, but more ashamed to have been caught in such a state. It couldn’t have been more obvious to Patrick what you’d just done, considering that he’d seen you in a similar state hundreds of times. 

“Baby, we are on a whole different, unfamiliar continent,” his tone was condescending and cold and it made you want to crawl out of your skin. “Why wouldn’t I wait to make sure you got back safely?”

“Don’t call me pet names. And I would’ve been fine. We were just at the bar,” you lied. Going to the apartment of a random man you just met probably wasn’t your brightest idea, but you made it out alive, and that was what mattered. 

“Huh. The bar?” he smirked at you in a way that screamed that he was pissed, without really having to say a word. 

“Yes, I- what does it matter to you anyway?” you hoped that the question would be enough to get you out of the situation. If you were going to argue, you at least wanted to argue after you were showered and in pajamas.

“What does it matter to me if you fucked someone else?” he asked, sounding like he was in complete disbelief. 

“Yeah, Patrick. Why does it matter if I fucked someone else? We’re not together anymore. Did you forget? I mean, it seemed pretty obvious to you when you stopped speaking to me completely a few months ago.”

“Please, enlighten me. What did I have to speak to you about?” 

“I don’t know! Maybe an ‘are you okay?’ would’ve been nice. Or something. Anything, really. We were together for six fucking years and you just dropped me like I was dirt!”

“I…” he trailed off, catching you by surprise. He almost always had a quick clever response that managed to piss you off in a way no one else ever could, so seeing him not knowing what to say next caught you off guard. “If our relationship meant that much to you, why were you all over that guy? I mean, seriously. I’ve never seen anything so desperate. You were practically rubbing yourself on him in the park like a bitch in heat.”

Contempt dripped from his words. You had never been so enraged.

“Are you joking?” you laughed out of sheer anger. “Patrick, you started it! How many Tinder girls have you seen since we broke up? And don’t you dare fucking lie to me. I saw everything you’ve been sending to Amelia. Amelia, I’m so lonely. Amelia, I’m so horny. Amelia, I love you so much,” you mocked.

“You went through my phone?” he asked in disbelief, not even bothering to address the rest of your statement. “Fuck. You’re unbelievable.”

“I’m unbelievable? How long did it even take you before we split for you to start seeing other people? I mean, knowing you, you were probably just waiting for the day we broke up to go get your dick wet.”

“That’s not true, and you know it,” for a second, he looked genuinely wounded—something you were only able to recognize after years of being in a relationship with the man. You didn’t like that you were actively hurting him, but he’d been inflicting pain on you from the moment you broke up.

“Fine,” you conceded on that front, knowing that he was right. It wasn’t completely true. If you hadn’t gone through his phone, you never would’ve guessed that he had already moved on. “But you’ve still been seeing other people.”

“We’ve been broken up for months now,” he replied, as if that was supposed to make things any better or more reasonable. 

“Then why do you care so much about me having sex with someone else? It’s fine when you do it, but suddenly it’s an issue for me?” 

Patrick’s face immediately paled. “You really fucked him?”

“Well, yeah,” you paused. “Well, not who you’re thinking of.”

“You fucked someone else?!” The hurt and disbelief buried under his words made your stomach churn. “You were flirting with that other douchebag all day, I don’t-“

“You’re acting like I’m some whore for reacting to something that you did first!” you cut him off. 

“And you’re acting like I wanted to get rid of you this whole time!” he shot back out at you. 

“Clearly you fucking did,” you hissed. 

“Fuck you,” he huffed. 

“Fuck you,” you shot right back. “I’m leaving.”

“Good,” Patrick replied with a shrug as if he didn’t care, although you were very sure that he cared. “Go run back to your little fuck buddy.”

“Yeah, maybe I will,” you replied as you gathered your items back into your suitcase. “He was better than you, by the way.”

“Yeah, I bet,” he said snarkily as he watched you pack up your items. Luckily, you didn’t have much to pack up and were already heading towards the door. 

“He had a bigger dick, too,” you said as you swung open the hotel room door, fully satisfied with a lie that you knew would bother Patrick. 

While leaving your hotel room seemed like a wonderful idea in the moment, as you went down the elevator, you started to realize that you really did not have many options for where you’d sleep that night. 

You figured your best bet was the hotel lobby. Maybe you could pretend to be someone who’d drank too much and passed out on the first floor before you made it up to your room. You sat down in a comfortable looking chair and grabbed your keycard—in case anyone asked you to verify who you were—then set a floppy hat on your head to cover your face from the bright hotel lobby lights while you attempted to sleep. 

Sleep was already going to be difficult to accomplish, thanks to the argument that you were certainly going to be ruminating on for days to come. That was only made more difficult by the uncomfortable seating and position you’d found yourself in. Somehow, you managed to fall asleep, being woken up by a hotel employee and a friend you’d made from your tour group.

“Long night, huh?” she asked you with a playful smirk. 

“Mm, something like that,” you mumbled sleepily. 

“Well, you can sleep on the coach. It just got here, so we’ll have the best pick of seats. C’mon,” she extended her hand out to you and you gladly took it, in desperate need of something grounding. 

You dozed off on the coach once you’d gotten settled, headphones securely on your ears and sunglasses covering your closed eyes. You were vaguely aware of people boarding the vehicle around you, but didn’t pay much mind to anything. Eventually, you heard the faint sound of someone taking attendance of the people on the bus, followed by the commotion of someone getting on the bus late. 

Something compelled you to open up your eyes, and when you did, you were displeased to find that Patrick was the source of all of the drama. Likely thing for him to be. He scrambled down the aisle, looking desperately for empty seats. To your own horror, you realized that the seat next to you was vacant, and perhaps the only vacant seat on the entire coach. 

As if your minds were connected, you watched Patrick face that very same dilemma as he eventually decided to sit down in the only empty seat, right next to you. 

Neither of you said anything at first, not addressing your blowout argument the previous night, or your awkward current situation. 

“You look like shit,” Patrick finally said as the bus took off. 

“Thanks,” you replied, mentally preparing yourself for a continuation of the argument you’d had just a few hours ago. It was only a matter of time before he brought up your promiscuity or started blatantly texting his Tinderella. 

But none of that ever came. In fact, he just looked a little sad. It was weird to see Patrick so openly defeated. He was always one to put on a smirk or a challenging smile when you argued, letting the façade fall once he was alone, or once the two of you finally discussed what the issue was like adults.

You weren’t sure that you liked it. You preferred annoying asshole Patrick to sad, moping Patrick. 

“You look like shit, too,” you added. “Which is crazy, since you had access to a shower and I didn’t.”

“And whose fault is that?” he asked, looking at you with the slightest hint of that devious smile. You had to fight the slightest inkling of a smile on your own face. 

You felt ridiculous knowing that your mood was still being influenced by your former partner. Even when he was insulting you. Even after he’d spent the night arguing with you. Even after you’d slept with someone else. Even after the two of you had a messy split. 

You still loved him. 

“Yours, mostly,” you shrugged and put your headphones back on. 

PARIS, FRANCE

Despite your brief conversation on the bus, you and Patrick didn’t speak to each other for the entirety of your commute. Although you clearly cared about him, it didn’t change the fact that he had upset and hurt you deeply. And even as upset as you were, you knew that you’d hurt him just as badly. 

You had a particular dread for what awaited you in France, knowing that this part of the tour was very couples-activity heavy. When you’d scheduled your trip, this aspect of the tour felt like a major selling point. The two of you always seemed to be falling more in love with each other, and having a candlelit dinner by the Eiffel Tower felt like an exciting way to kick off your marriage. 

Now, you just felt like an idiot.

The two of you did your absolute best to avoid getting paired up with each other for all of the activities that you could. You found yourself spending most of your time with a solo traveler who was close in age to you. She made a surprisingly fun companion to your cheese and wine taste test, popping cubes of fragrant cheese into your mouth and making a competition out of who could detect the most accurate notes in your wine. 

While you found luck in your first few activities, you weren’t so lucky when it came to an evening ride of the Roue de Paris. Whether it was fate or just bad luck, after the pair in front of you had dipped out of line for reasons unknown to you, you had the shocking realization that Patrick had been in between them the whole time. So much for meeting new people on the massive ferris wheel. 

You tried to look busy so he wouldn’t notice that you noticed, and did your best to think of some sort of game plan. Although you’d essentially been giving each other the silent treatment in the hours leading up to this moment, you’d caught Patrick looking at you multiple times throughout the day—something you only noticed because you’d been looking at him as well. 

After a moment, the two of you were let into an empty passenger car. Sitting across from one another, it was hard to ignore the very obvious elephants in the room, but that didn’t mean you wouldn’t try. 

At first, you simply looked out the window, not saying a single word as the ferris wheel began to move. 

“You should put that safety belt on, just in case,” Patrick commented from his side of the car, pulling his eyes away from the window to look at you. 

“I doubt anything will happen,” you shrugged. “It’s fine.”

He eyed you suspiciously for a moment, before leaning over and strapping you in anyway. Your breath caught in your throat, his simple action putting you into serious psychological pain. It wasn’t lost on you how much Patrick liked to take care of you. It was far more obvious when the two of you were dating, with him covering the bills for dates and doing your laundry for you. It had been so ironic to you at the time, how a man who could barely take care of himself always went out of his way to make sure that you were going to be okay. 

Now, his small act of kindness just made your stomach turn. But it wasn’t like you could express any of those feelings. 

“Thanks,” was all that you managed before looking out of the window once more. 

An awkward, heavy silence filled the passenger car once more as the ride began to take the two of you higher. 

“The view is so beautiful,” you commented, unable to remain silent anymore and hoping that your words were neutral enough not to stir any pots. 

“Yeah, it’s really nice,” his gaze remained fixed out the window, before he looked at you once more as if there were words on the tip of his tongue. 

“I honestly don’t know how we managed to get in line in time to see the sunset,” you continued with your boring, neutral small talk. 

“I’m glad we did. This is the perfect spot to watch it.”

“Yeah,” you agreed, continuing to look out the window instead of at the man across from you. “It’s so pretty tonight, too.”

“It is,” he agreed. 

The two of you sat in silence again, only the sound of a soft whirring filling your ears. Then suddenly, all at once, the whirring stopped—and so did your passenger car. 

“Are we stuck?” you asked, looking out nervously at the very tall height that the two of you were currently definitely stuck at. 

“We can’t be. It’ll probably start back up in a second.”

It didn’t start back up in a second. In fact, after a series of announcements in French, an announcement in English suddenly declared that it would be at least an hour before the ride could be fixed. 

At the sound of the announcement, both you and Patrick sighed aloud, still synchronized even after everything you’d been through. 

“Maybe this is a sign,” Patrick piped up. 

“What are you talking about?” you laughed at him, hoping desperately that this didn’t mean that he wanted to continue arguing with you. You genuinely did not have it in you to do so again. You also didn’t have it in you to sleep in another hotel lobby. 

“Well, I’ve been wanting to talk to you all day,” he confessed. 

“Is that why you were staring at me all day?” you teased, a weak, slightly hopeful smile creeping onto your face. 

“I was looking at you because I could feel you staring at me,” he clarified, as if he was setting the record straight. “I don’t want things to be like this between us anymore.”

“Yeah?” you asked, the pit of nerves in your stomach tightening at wherever he was going with his spiel. The anticipation of his words alone made you nauseous. 

“So I think that we should talk about last night,” he suggested. 

That was exactly what you didn’t want to hear him say. You had barely processed the argument yourself, let alone think about anything else that you had to say to Patrick that didn’t involve trying to hurt him as much as he hurt you. 

“We don’t have to. It’s fine. The past is in the past,” you dismissed. 

“It’s not fine, though. Not really,” he countered, all earnestness. You didn’t detect any harshness to his words or any blood in the water that indicated to you that he wanted to do anything more than have an honest conversation with you. “I was so out of line. I can’t- I don’t want you to think that I really believe the things I said about you.”

“Patrick, please…” you trailed off, hoping that he would understand that you didn’t really want to talk about this. Though, you were relieved to learn that he’d only said those things out of the heat of the moment. 

“No,” he stood his ground. “We need to talk about this if we ever want our relationship to improve.”

“Fine,” you gave in. “But you start, so I can collect my thoughts.”

“Of course,” he leaned forward so he could get a better look at you, and you were immediately drawn into some intense eye contact with him. “I’m sorry for acting like a dick yesterday. I shouldn’t have treated you the way I did, and I really shouldn’t have let you leave our hotel room. That was really stupid of me. I worried about you for the rest of the night and spent the morning looking for you.”

This was surprising information to you. While you did find it to be a bit of a dick move that Patrick would just let you leave like that after lecturing you about being unsafe in a new country, you hadn’t realized that he’d been late to boarding the coach because he’d been searching for you. You could only imagine the sick feeling he had as he realized he couldn’t find you anywhere. 

“I’m sorry for what I said, too. Insulting you for trying to move on was really unfair of me. I was just… hurt, I guess. When I don’t even have the right to be.”

“You do, a little. We were together for a really long time, so it’s gonna feel weird that we’re starting to see other people,” you shrugged. “That was an excellent apology, that I accept, by the way.”

“Thank you. I really got a chance to practice my apology skills with the last woman I was with,” he explained. You tried to repress the feeling of jealousy that was already bubbling up in your stomach at the mention of another woman. 

“Yeah?” you asked, hoping that he didn’t notice the brief twitch of your eye.

“Yeah. She’s super opinionated and outspoken, so we would butt heads a lot. But that was always something I really liked about her. That, and her magnificent ass.”

Finally, it occurred to you that he was talking about you. You rolled your eyes and shook your head, despite the fact that you were secretly very flattered by the way he was speaking about you. “Ew. Shut up,” you laughed. 

“Well, if you’re done objectifying me, I would love to apologize to you too.”

“All done objectifying you. For now, at least. Go ahead.”

You were a little nervous about the words that were about to come out of your mouth. You just had so much to say, and you weren’t sure that it was all going to come out correctly. 

“I’m sorry for the things I said last night. I genuinely did not mean what I said, I just got caught up in the moment. And I’m really sorry for going through your phone, because that’s seriously none of my business. It was such an unnecessary violation of trust, and I understand if you’re still pissed at me for that. And it was really ridiculous for me to overreact the way that I did over you seeing someone else, because again, it’s really not my business. I feel like I’m kinda the worst,” you confessed. 

“You’re not the worst,” he countered. 

“Fine, I guess. Maybe you just bring the worst out in me,” you joked, trying to lighten the mood slightly. 

“That sounds more accurate. We bring out the worst in each other.”

“Right. That’s why we’re such a good pair,” you paused, then corrected yourself. “Of friends.”

“Is that what we are now?”

“I never said we were good friends.”

“Frenemies?”

“Something like that,” you said, before the familiar whirring sound of the ferris wheel began once more. 

“Huh. Who would’ve thought that the only thing the wheel needed to function was an apology to each other?”

“You’re so annoying,” you laughed and shook your head. “How are we gonna make it through the rest of this trip?”

LONDON, ENGLAND

Your final few days in France had been made far less awkward by your conversation on the ferris wheel. Deciding to fully embrace the couples activities the tour had reserved for you, the two of you were having a good time re-establishing your friendship. 

Your trip to London had gone mostly without a hitch, with your group arriving in the city in the evening and immediately checking in to your hotel. At this point, you had given up on even attempting to get separate beds. It seemed like every morning now you woke up cuddling with Patrick, but you weren’t necessarily mad at the unintentional intimacy. 

In some ways, your relationship was beginning to feel similar to how it felt before the two of you broke up. While you were sure that things wouldn’t be exactly the same—especially since you still hadn’t addressed the elephant in the room that was your breakup—it was nice to return to the comfort you’d found in your relationship with Patrick. 

Like clockwork, the morning after your arrival in London, you woke up with Patrick pressed up against your back, nose buried in your hair. As he woke up, he pressed a gentle kiss to your hairline out of what you were sure was just habit rather than genuine affection. 

“Morning,” he greeted you groggily, rolling away from your side. 

“Morning,” you replied, turning to face him. You ran a hand through his messy morning hair and looked at him fondly. It was taking far more self control than you had to not lean over and kiss him. “What time is it?” you asked, in part to distract yourself, but also because the digital clock was on his side of the bed. 

“It’s…” he trailed off as he went to read the time. “Oh shit, we’re gonna be late.”

“What?” you asked, shooting up from your relaxed position. 

“It’s 8:25,” he explained, already rolling out of bed. 

In a rush, the two of you got dressed in record time, making it down to the lobby in the five minutes that you had to make it on time. You shared a high-five in the lobby, and tried your best not to dwell on how the simple action felt far more domestic than it needed to. 

Your tour began not too long after that, getting your day off to a strong start. Your day of exploring London was by far your busiest. You were sure that you’d accumulated thousands of steps as you went between large museums, beautiful parks, and massive landmarks. By the time that you returned to your hotel room, you were pretty sure that your legs were mush. 

You returned earlier than Patrick, who had gone out to a gastropub with a group of tourists in your group that he got along well with. You took this as an opportunity to have some alone time, taking a long and steaming hot shower, frolicking around the room in a soft hotel robe, and watching a movie while you waited for your room service to arrive. 

After you’d thoroughly enjoyed your alone time, finishing off your room service and opting to scroll on your phone, the door cracked open and Patrick strolled in. 

“Looks like you made yourself right at home,” he observed. 

“I had to after today’s tour. So much walking,” you groaned. 

“It wasn’t all that bad,” he shrugged, sitting down next to you in bed. 

“Well, not all of us are professional athletes,” you laughed. “How was the pub?”

“Fun. It’d be better if you came.”

“I’m sorry, I was exhausted,” you sighed. “You could’ve stayed in with me and had a spa day.”

“We can have a spa day anywhere. We can have a spa day right now.”

“Mm, I’m all spa’d out. But the water pressure in the shower is excellent, so you should definitely check that out.”

“I will in a little bit,” he said. “Did you try out the actual spa here?”

“They were closed when I checked, which really sucks, since I was in desperate need of a massage.”

“Do you still want one?” Patrick asked. 

“Yeah. I’ll probably try to stop by when they’re open tomorrow and get one.”

“No, I mean, do you want a massage now?” he added. 

It had been a long time since Patrick had offered you a massage—or to put his hands on you in any capacity—but you remembered him being criminally talented at giving them. You also remembered his massages usually making for great foreplay that left your knees weak and your brain a pile of jelly, but that clearly wouldn’t be the case now, and you needed to get your head out of the gutter. 

“I mean, sure. That would be nice,” you tried not to sound too excited, though the prospect of a massage from him sounded very, very nice. 

While the prospect of a massage sounded nice, the actual massage was heavenly. You were sure that years of having personal trainers and physical therapists work knots out of his body had made him an expert at finding knots and kinks in your own, which was now leaving you sighing happily as he ran his hands over your back. 

You tried your best to ignore the dull, fiery feeling growing in your lower stomach that was surely a result of experiencing a type of intimacy that you hadn’t in quite some time. As you let out an involuntary soft sound at a particular knot being rubbed out of your shoulder, you wondered if this massage was affecting him nearly as much as it was affecting you.

You promptly received an answer to this question when something hard and phallic brushed up against your leg. You turned your head to glance back at Patrick, and his face immediately grew red. 

“Sorry. I can stop, if you want. It just happened because of the noises you’re making and- whatever. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Part of you felt a little satisfied knowing that you still had that type of impact on him. It gave you a tiny glimmer of hope to know that you were still, at the least, physically attracted to one another. 

“It’s fine. I’ll shut up.”

“You don’t have to. I want this to be as relaxing as possible for you.”

“Well you’re doing a great job, if you couldn’t tell from all of the moaning and groaning on my end.”

You both somehow made it through the rest of the massage without spilling all over the bed, but as you melted into the bed, feeling every muscle in your body relaxed from your excellent massage, you couldn’t help but note the suspiciously long time Patrick was spending in the shower. And maybe it was just your imagination, but if you listened hard enough, you swore you could hear the sound of a soft chanting of your name coming from the other side of the bathroom door. 

While part of you regretted not suggesting that the two of you help each other out with your mutual problems, you were pretty sure that it was for the best. You genuinely didn’t know where the two of you stood, as far as your relationship went. Hooking up would surely further complicate an already complicated situation, since you were pretty sure that ex-fiancés didn’t typically sleep together. But then again, ex-fiancés also didn’t usually go on a honeymoon despite not being together. Your complicated feelings on the matter only further proved to you that you made the right choice by not giving in to your baser desires. 

By the time Patrick joined you in bed, you were already half asleep. Yet, even in your delirious state, you didn’t miss the way he came up behind you, pulling you into a loving embrace. It brought warmth to your chest to know that he couldn’t even wait for your automatic sleep routine to hold you, and that he felt the need to take matters into his own hands. 

You were pretty sure that exes didn’t do that either. 

AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS 

You didn’t know what you expected from your first ferry ride, but being face deep in a barf bag while soothing circles were rubbed into your back was certainly not it. 

Given that you weren’t a frequent rider of large vessels on bodies of water, you had no clue going into the ride that things would go so sideways so quickly for you. If anything, you thought you might have the opportunity to stare peacefully out into the water, or to force Patrick to take a few cute pictures of you. Unfortunately, you were currently doing neither of those things—and it didn’t seem like you’d be doing them any time soon. 

You heaved once more, now almost totally sure that you had nothing left to give. Patrick continued to hold your hair out of your face with one hand and use his other to comfortingly rub your back, not at all fazed by your sickness. If you weren’t currently fighting off another wave of nausea and didn’t have the taste of bile lingering in your mouth, you probably could’ve kissed the man. 

Once your brain finally told you the coast was clear, you leaned your head back and took several deep, gasping breaths of air. 

“You alright, honey?” he asked you, and you didn’t even have the strength—physical or mental—to correct his use of a pet name. 

“I could be better,” you replied, pinching the bridge of your nose as you tilted your head back. “There’s medicine for this, right?”

“Yeah. Let me go see if I can find some.”

As you fought off a war of nausea and headache that was currently beating you on all fronts, you could faintly hear the sound of Patrick asking the people around you if they had any medicine for motion sickness. He eventually returned after what felt like a lifetime, but was probably more like a few minutes, carrying a bottle of Dramamine. 

He helped you take the pill, putting it in your mouth then holding a bottle of water up to your lips to help you swallow it. The action felt oddly romantic, though it was more of a matter of practicality compared to anything else. You were clearly not in a stable enough space to get the pill down on your own, so his assistance wasn’t really anything for you to be over analyzing. 

“Look at you, keeping that down,” he teased, running his hand up and down your arm. The motion was soothing, a bit of bodily comfort amongst a plethora of other awful physical pains you were experiencing. “You’re doing great.”

His soft caresses turned into a full-blown hug, with Patrick pulling you into a tight embrace. While the action itself was rather cute—especially since it seemed to be completely impulsive on his part—it instantly brought on a new wave of nausea. 

“Pat?” you squeaked. 

“Yeah?” he asked. 

“You’re sweet. But if we stay like this, I am going to be sick all over you.”

He pulled away from you with concern, careful not to move too quickly to set off another bout of sickness. While he let go of your body, he continued to hold your hand, as if he were attempting to ground you. With how anxious he was looking, he might’ve been trying to ground himself as well. 

It was cute seeing him so worried about you. You tried your best not to read too much into it, and luckily, your slowly fading nausea was the perfect distraction from doing so. 

“Thank you for the drugs. It was fun watching you scramble all around asking people for help. You’re such a good…” you paused, not really knowing what you were or what to say. “Ex.”

Now wasn’t exactly the ideal time to have the, ‘what are we?’ conversation, but Patrick didn’t seem to mind. And if he did mind, he was doing a damn good job at hiding it. 

“Only the best for my ex.” Maybe you’d just been imaging it, but you swore you sensed a bit of hesitation on his end as he called you his ex. Admittedly, it would be significantly easier for both of you to be calling each other spouses, or even partners. But alas, you weren’t either of those things to each other anymore. 

As if you’d read each other's minds, the two of you quickly moved on from that conversation. 

After you’d arrived and gotten settled into Amsterdam, you set off to explore the city. When presented with a few options of things to do, Patrick insisted that the two of you go on a bike tour, much to your own chagrin. As much as you weren’t sure your legs could handle any more strenuous physical activity, you’d known that Patrick had wanted to take this bike tour since your trip was an actual honeymoon. Who were you to deny him of that?

As the two of you toured the very beautiful city, Patrick made sure to make a show out of his biking skills. While he was no professional cyclist, he certainly had the ego of one—which translated to him going a little too hard at times and nearly falling off of his bike more than once. 

Each time he almost fell, you found yourself also almost falling, the onset of laughter at the ridiculous man riding next to you nearly being too much to handle. Without fail, every time the two of you did your almost falling, then break into a howling laughter routine, you were given dirty looks by your fellow tour mates. Unfortunately, that only made the situation funnier to you and Patrick. 

By the time the tour had wrapped, it was clear that everyone was sick and tired of you. But at least this time, the people around you were sick of the girlish giggles Patrick pulled from you, rather than the rude words he provoked you into saying, like he’d done on the plane. 

It was refreshing to be spending time with him like this. In the time that you’d been so upset about your break up, you forgot about just how good it felt to be around Patrick when your relationship was going well. 

It was also nice to be spending some alone time with him, away from the rest of your tour group. As the two of you looked at strange knick-knacks in an antique store, you realized just how much you missed being alone with him. While it was nice that the two of you had made friends within your group, your dynamic as a duo was obviously something really special. Maybe that’s why the two of you had been together for so long. 

You spent the majority of the afternoon doubled over in laughter, playfully teasing Patrick, or being on the receiving end of subtle, gentle touches. As you really began to think about it, this day of travel had been your favorite—by a long shot. It also happened to be the day that felt most like one from a honeymoon.

Although it had already been clear to you for some time that you still had feelings for Patrick, the day you had spent together had completely sealed the deal. Once Patrick had surprised you with a beautiful bouquet of flowers over dinner, you’d only been more sure that you were sick with love for your ex.

It was a small miracle that you’d rounded out the day without confessing your feelings, particularly since you ended the evening with a movie playing on the television of your hotel room that the two of you barely paid attention to, as Patrick held you and talked about some of the things you’d missed while the two of you were separated. 

In the morning, you woke up to the soft sound of chatter, rather than your loud alarm clock or the sound of deep breaths in the shell of your ear. 

From what you could faintly make out from the words and the lack of a warm body beside you, Patrick was on the phone with his mother. You wanted to feel bad for eavesdropping, especially since you’d just had an argument with Patrick over your snooping habit just over a week ago, but it was far too difficult not to listen in. 

“I’m glad you liked the picture,” you made out from the muffled words behind the doorway. You were sure he was referencing the selfie the two of you took in front of Big Ben a few days ago. You also liked the photo a lot, with the two of you looking particularly good and particularly happy. You’d also taken a more baity photo of him kissing your cheek, specifically to send to his mother who he knew would be overjoyed to see you. While Patrick had explained the idea behind the picture as his mom simply wanting to see you, you knew the more accurate statement is that his mom wanted to see the two of you together. 

After a beat, there was a soft chuckle. “No, we’re not back together. No mom, there’s no ‘yet.’ I know. I’m an idiot, I know- aren’t you supposed to take your child’s side? Well, I don’t know if you know this, but we never ended up getting married, so no, she’s not your daughter. How could she possibly be your favorite child! We just talked about this. I’m gonna hang up. I’m serious. Alright. Love you, bye.”

When Patrick returned, you were already sitting up in bed. 

“Can you tell your mom I say hi next time?” you asked with a cheeky grin on your face, still coming off of the high that was the romantic outing you’d had the day prior. 

“I’m sure she’d love to hear that,” he replied, getting back into bed beside you. “She probably wants to hear from you more than she wants to hear from me.”

You laughed and shook your head, not bothering to argue with his words since you both knew they were pretty accurate. 

“I mean, I’m sure she’ll be inviting you to Thanksgiving and Christmas long after we’ve moved on with other people and have our own families.”

Your heart dropped to your stomach. You were sure of it. You thought you could genuinely feel the movement of your most vital organ slowly sinking into a pit of stomach acid. 

You tried not to let your smile falter, considering that Patrick was looking right at you with a sweet look of his own plastered on his face. You wondered if this was some sort of test, to gauge how you felt after a day of rekindling the love the two of you thought had burnt out. 

Or maybe, more realistically, he’d already come to accept the reality that you’d been stalling on accepting: your relationship was truly over. One fun day wouldn’t change the fact that your wedding had been called off, and that the two of you said things to each other that would alter the foundations of any solid relationship for years to come. 

Your heart was such a traitor. She refused to accept the simple fact that Patrick wanted to move on, and that your relationship was a thing of the past. Maybe, if you couldn’t convince your heart to accept that truth, you might be able to force your brain to. 

“And I’ll still be accepting that invitation, thank you very much,” you stated, trying to sound confident in your words. “In the meantime, let’s get ready before we miss this bus. You can tell me what your mom’s menu is gonna look like this year on our ride over.”

SOMEWHERE IN CENTRAL GERMANY

It was stupid for you to be torn up the way that you were over just a few simple words, but the more you thought about it, the worse you felt. 

In reality, it wasn’t just what Patrick had said to you in the hotel room. It was the fact that he’d been actively trying to move on with other people since who knew when, and the way he seemed to frequently verbally reiterate the fact that your relationship was over. By holding out hope that you might somehow be able to repair your relationship, you were being much more naïve than you even realized. 

You felt stupid. But you also felt confused, because as much as Patrick swore he was over you, and pursued other people, he was also far too comfortable acting like nothing had changed between you two. After all, he was the one flirting with you, and trying to attach himself at the hip to you as you traveled. He was the one who always managed to end up spooning you over the course of the night and woke up kissing whatever part of your body he was closest to. For god's sake, he’d just told you yesterday about how he’d searched high and low to find a bouquet of flowers that he thought you would genuinely like. And most damningly, you hadn’t forgotten the look of hurt on his face when he found out that you had slept with someone else. That wasn’t the behavior of someone who was over their partner.

To say you were receiving mixed messages was a complete understatement. You couldn’t understand how it was possible that the man who was currently leaning against you very affectionately, despite being on a cramped bus, was also totally over you and wanted to move on.

You didn’t know what you wanted to do about the situation, but you were sure that you couldn’t keep going like this. 

Your bus stopped somewhere in Germany for the evening, letting you all out to have dinner and do some light sightseeing before regrouping in the morning and heading to Prague. Somehow, that translated to going to a bar to try out German beer for you, Patrick, and a few of the friends you’d made while traveling. 

After a brief intermission of checking into your hotel room, your small group met up in the lobby, then set off to find a bar. 

Drinking while you were feeling a little upset probably wasn’t your brightest idea. The speed and volume at which you were consuming alcohol was a little concerning, but not nearly as concerning as how much Patrick was drinking. Eventually, even in your drunken state, you realized that you should probably slow down—if nothing else, to take care of him. 

But the two of you continued on, going from bar to bar, getting drunk at a level that probably would’ve been acceptable when you were younger, but was certainly going to take a major toll on you now. 

Forgetting about the repercussions of the future, you two were having a great time. Despite you being out with a group, it felt a little bit like the two of you were in your own little bubble. Nothing else in the world seemed to matter as the two of you took shots and danced together. Not the people around you, not the fact that you had to be up early the next morning to make it onto your coach, not even the fact that Patrick had implied that the two of you would move on and have families with other people only a few days ago. 

By the time that the rest of your group had called it quits, explaining that they wanted to be up and functional in time for your ride the next morning, you and Patrick were still in your own little world. It was only after you’d shared a few drunk cigarettes that the two of you decided that the fun should end, and that it was time to head back to your hotel. 

Unfortunately for you, midway through your trek back home, your drinking buddy had given up on walking, leaving you tasked with literally dragging him all the way back to your hotel. While a sober version of yourself would’ve been annoyed by the inconvenience, all you could really think about was how nice it was to have his body so close to yours.

After a tumultuous journey back, the two of you finally made it back to your hotel room. You had only been in the room for a matter of seconds before Patrick collapsed onto the bed and let out a loud sigh of relief, followed by an even louder yawn, as if he was the one who had just carried you down the road.

It was annoyingly endearing. 

You had half the mind to at least get somewhat ready before getting into bed, shedding your outermost layer of clothing before joining Patrick in bed. 

“Thank you,” he said to you once you laid down next to him. 

“Mhm,” you hummed, your head still pleasantly buzzing from the alcohol. “But I’m never doing that again.”

“Aww, why? We had so much fun,” he practically whined. “I always have so much fun when we’re together.”

“I had fun, but you’re so heavy. You’d never guess it. All those muscles,” in the midst of your complaining, you reached over to grab his bicep to demonstrate his point. 

He laughed, which made you laugh, though you didn’t exactly know what you were laughing at. Then, out of the blue, he randomly said your name in a very serious tone. 

“Can you help me with something?” he asked, sounding very genuine and giving you a look that you couldn’t quite place in your drunken state. 

“Anything,” you replied earnestly and meant it. You would probably do literally anything that he asked you to do at that moment. Move a mountain? You’d start pushing. Marry him? You’d wake up an officiant and come up with vows on the spot. Help him hide a body? You were sure you could find a shovel somewhere.

“Can you help me get my shoes off?” he lifted a foot as he spoke to demonstrate his point, a little pout on his lips. You were a little disappointed that he hadn’t asked you for anything else, but you also weren’t quite sure what it was that you wanted him to ask you for. 

You groaned playfully, a long and drawn out sound that you hoped would communicate that you were exhausted after dragging him through the city and comfortable where you were laying. Still, you leaned over and untied his shoes before gently slipping them off. When you looked back up at Patrick, his pants were newly half undone and halfway off, but it looked as if he had given up fully taking his pants off. 

“Need help with that too?” you asked, though you were already working on slipping the article of clothing off of his legs.

Though you tried to push the thought out of your mind, you couldn’t help but recall a similar night the two of you shared several years ago. Your relationship was still relatively new, but you were already very obviously in love. So in love that you’d gone out of your way to set up a surprise party to celebrate a particularly successful tennis match, decorating your apartment with photos of him with trophies and other tennis paraphernalia and inviting as many of his close friends that you could track down. Still riding the high of winning and his all-consuming adoration of you, Patrick had partied a little too hard, leaving you in charge of tucking him in at the end of the night. 

After bringing him a glass of water, the man snuggled into your sheets and slurred out a comment about how they smelled like you. You felt your cheeks warm as he continued on in a disjointed ramble, talking about how much he appreciated you and how no one had ever gone out of their way to make him feel like that before. He ended his monologue with a request for you to help him take his clothes off, and you happily obliged. It was tender and far more intimate than you’d expected, and ended in a drawn out kiss that left you giggling as you told Patrick that he tasted like Smirnoff Ice. 

Even as inebriated as you currently were, the nostalgia made you feel a little dizzy. 

By the time you’d finished helping him get his pants off, Patrick had clearly given up on getting his shirt off, too. Once again, you moved your hands up his body and helped him out with the piece of fabric. 

“Look at that. All ready for bed,” you commented, setting a hand on his bare chest. The small action made your heart soar, and you promptly decided that it was probably better for you to avoid touching him altogether. 

“My watch?” Patrick asked, lifting his wrist up to show you the accessory. 

“You can take your watch off yourself,” you replied, leaning back into bed and finally laying down. 

“Fine.”

“Night, Patty,” you said, reaching over to turn out the bedside lamp. 

“Wait,” he paused pensively, as if he was digging deep in the recesses of his mind to conjure up what he was about to say. “A kiss?”

“Patrick!” you gasped, sounding far more scandalized by the proposition than you actually were. Of course you would give him a kiss, you just weren’t sure you were ready to open up that can of worms, especially after you’d had a minor crisis at the realization that he genuinely wanted to move on.

“No goodnight kiss? C’mon. Fully commit to tucking me in,” Patrick insisted, as if it was the most logical thing ever. As if either of you had the self control to not let something as simple as a kiss spiral out of control. 

“Fine,” you sighed before pressing a gentle peck to his forehead, figuring that was the safest place to do so. A forehead kiss was about as platonic as it got with you.  “Sweet dreams.”

“Thank you,” he said, rather sweetly as his eyes shut. “Love you.”

Those words instantly gave you pause, causing you to suddenly feel very alert and very sober.

“Sorry, what did you just say?”

“I said I love you?” Patrick repeated, looking at you with confusion. “What?”

“Nothing,” though it was very much not nothing. In fact, if his confession was true, it would change everything. “Go to bed.”

“Wait, what?” Patrick grabbed your arm, looking very worried in the low light of the room. “You’re mad. You’re mad that I love you?”

You didn’t even know how you were supposed to react to that admission. While it had been exactly what you’d been dying to hear from him for months, it only further complicated your already very complicated situation.

“I’m not mad, I’m… I’m just tired. Let’s go to sleep, okay?”

Your explanation seemed to placate Patrick enough to let it go and go to sleep. He shuffled around to get comfortable behind you, before pulling you in to hold you as he’d done for the entirety of the trip. Except, tonight, it didn’t feel quite right. The mixture of his frequent rejections of you, paired with his casual confession that he still loved you made your head spin. 

The following morning, you woke up with a pounding in your head and a gross taste in your mouth—only one of which, you could fully attribute to the drinking you’d done last night. You clumsily reached for your phone, and found yourself pleasantly surprised to find an announcement about the delay of the next bus you would be getting on. 

You got out of bed with a grunt, your entire body aching with the reminder of having to drag Patrick through the city last night. Somehow, the sore muscles didn’t hurt nearly as much compared to the memory of being told that Patrick still loved you. 

You slowly paced back and forth around your hotel room, desperately trying to organize your racing thoughts. Did Patrick actually mean what he said last night? Or had been caught up in the heat of the moment? If anything, the latter seemed more likely, since he’d been very obviously trying to distance himself from you. But had he really been distancing himself from you, or just talking about distancing himself from you? If his care for you on the ferry had been any indication of how he really felt about you, it was possible that his drunken words were more honest than you were trying to convince yourself that they were. 

Finally, you decided to stop annoying the person staying in the room under you with your increasingly frantic pacing, and to go outside to walk. Some fresh air would be good for you anyway. 

“Where’re you going?” a muffled voice, heavy with sleep asked. You paused the tying of your shoes to look over at the bed, where Patrick was currently squinting at you.  

“I’m just going for a walk,” you told him. “Go back to sleep. The coach is coming late.”

“Wait for me. I’ll come with you.”

That was probably the last thing you needed or wanted. After all, the whole purpose of your walk was to help you sort out your thoughts about Patrick. To say he wasn’t a welcome addition to your trip was an understatement.

“Okay,” you said anyway, against your better judgment. It seemed like you hadn’t been using much of your judgment at all on this trip. What was one more poor decision on top of a series of poor decisions?

You watched him get ready from where you were sitting, quietly impressed with his ability to get up and be functional despite surely being just as hungover—if not more—than you. He also seemed wholly unaffected by the conversation you’d had last night, which was something that you certainly couldn’t say for yourself. 

With sunglasses perched on your nose and the weight of your entire relationship placed on your shoulders, the two of you headed out into the city, walking on the same sidewalks that you’d practically carried Patrick down the previous night. 

“Last night was fun,” Patrick commented, making small talk with you as you began to head down the street. 

“Some parts,” you agreed, hoping that he’d recall you grunting as you lugged him down the street, rather than your shock when he told you that he still loved you. 

“I honestly don’t remember most of the night,” Patrick said with a chuckle that almost sounded a little forced. You couldn’t be sure if he was being honest or searching for a cop out for the things he’d told you before you went to sleep, but you weren’t sure that it really mattered.

“Unfortunately, I do,” you replied. 

“Oh no. I hope I wasn’t too much of a pain.”

“You were like, slightly above average in terms of being a pain. Nothing I’m not used to.” You figured that maybe you could banter your way out of this situation. Perhaps if you just pretended that everything was okay, things would magically become okay.

But that didn’t feel alright. In fact, it wasn’t alright. If you ever wanted to improve your relationship with Patrick, you had to stop beating around the bush with him. You were both adults. You’d been together for years, yet you felt like you wasted far too much time not being straightforward with your thoughts and feelings. If there was going to be a next time for the two of you, you wanted things to be different. 

“You did say something kinda interesting last night, though.” While it had been easy to talk up a big game in your head, you immediately regretted the words that came out of your mouth. Regardless, it was too late for you to back out. 

Patrick laughed nervously before asking, “what?”

“You just… you kinda told me you still have feelings for me, or whatever. I just think, maybe we should talk about it. Or at least talk about us.”

The man next to you paled at your words. Your regret for bringing the topic up immediately grew exponentially. 

“I don’t think there’s anything to talk about,” Patrick said, though he was lying through his teeth and both of you knew it. You wanted to approach this topic with civility and an open mind, but his blatant lie was making that a rather difficult task.

“Are you kidding? We’ve been tip-toeing around it this entire trip.”

“We’re broken up. You called off our wedding. I don’t think it gets any more straightforward than that,” he dismissed with a gross simplification of the state of your relationship.

“That’s not what I’m talking about, and you know it. And even if it was, all I said was that I didn't think I was ready to get married. You put the final nail in the coffin when you told me you fell out of love with me. But I don’t know how I’m supposed to interpret you not being in love with me anymore when you still act the way that you act with me.”

You could tell the direction this conversation was going, your discussion quickly veering into argument territory as Patrick began to invade your space as he always did when you argued. 

“And how exactly do I act with you?” he challenged, though you were sure he knew exactly what you were talking about.  

“Do you want me to give you a list or something?” you asked, his anger becoming contagious.

“Sure, why not,” he said drily. 

“Fine. Let’s start with the cuddling, then. Please enlighten me, do you know any exes who spoon regularly? I mean, I certainly don’t. I don’t even touch my friends like that. So I don’t know what that really makes us. Or maybe how jealous you got when you saw me with someone else. I really can’t think of any sort of platonic explanation for that, and trust me, I’ve tried. And while we’re at it, I guess I should mention those showers. I respect the hell out of your faith in the thickness of these hotel walls, but I actually can hear you moaning my name while you’re in there. I’m honestly a little flattered, but I’m mostly confused.”

“Like you’re not doing the same,” Patrick scoffed. You knew him well enough to recognize that he was masking his true feelings with hostility, and though you wanted to engage in an actual conversation with him, you weren’t sure you would be able to take the high road in this conversation.

“Sure, but I’m not the one in denial of what’s going on here!”

“I’m not in denial. Have you ever considered that maybe I want to move on?”

“Do you, though?” you asked, pausing on the sidewalk.

“Clearly, I do,” he stopped right along with you, now really getting in your face.

“Clearly,” you repeated with a laugh. “Maybe you should start acting like it.”

“Maybe you should stop clinging to the past.”

His piercing gaze was unwavering as he waited to read your reaction. You knew how he liked to play this game, looking for an indication of any sort of weakness from you. You refused to give him that, though his words cut deep. 

“Okay,” you said calmly, though you were very much not feeling calm on the inside. “Well, thanks for letting me know how you really feel. Or how you think you feel. I don’t really know anymore. And I don’t think you know either.”

PRAGUE, CZECH REPUBLIC

If you had known that telling Patrick that he drunkenly confessed to loving you would’ve broken the already very delicate relationship the two of you had built back up, you never would’ve said anything at all. As it turned out, having some of Patrick was better than not having him at all.

The contempt he now felt for you had become so strong that he didn’t even seem to be able to look at you. He sat next to a different person on the bus to Prague, not even sparing you a glance. When you arrived at the hotel, he made it a point to ask for separate rooms—something the two of you hadn’t done the entirety of your trip. As your tour began, he seemed to make a strong effort to separate himself from you, standing in the back of your group when you were in the front and vice versa. 

Usually, even after your worst arguments, you’d been able to find the time to talk out your feelings, but now it seemed like Patrick couldn’t even find it in himself to give you that.

You wanted to be mad at Patrick too. You were mad at him. But you missed him more than you were angry with him, and you yearned to be with him, no matter how crazy his constant antics drove you. 

Part of you felt frustrated that your relationship had become so cyclical since your breakup. You weren’t sure you could handle another cycle of fighting to the point of real anger, then making up with your relationship still a little more strained than it was in the past. You just wanted Patrick. Why did things have to be any more complicated than that? 

You desperately clung on to any bits of hope that your relationship might persist, coming out of this argument altered, but still existing. You snuck peeks at Patrick while you toured a beautiful castle and tried to bite your tongue until you stopped thinking of how badly you wanted to grab him and joke about his home looking like that castle. You wondered if he wanted to put your initials on a lock and put it on a bridge as much as you did. You wished you could ask him if he missed the warm body in bed beside him the way you did. 

But every time you looked at him, he was pointedly not looking at you. As your group paused on the bridge to allow couples the time to make their own locks, Patrick didn’t even spare a glance in your direction. You were sure that even if he did miss you in bed, or wherever else, he would never tell you about it. 

You didn’t want it to be over—but you couldn’t keep clinging to hope that it wasn’t. 

GENEVA, SWITZERLAND

Getting to view the breathtaking scenery of the Swiss Alps as you sat on a cable car had been a dream of yours for years. What wasn’t included in that dream was dodging the glare of your ex-fiancé as the two of you sat in silence on that very gondola. 

Unluckily for the two of you, you were stuck together for the afternoon. Private skiing lessons in the Swiss Alps sounded like a great, even romantic, idea while you were planning the trip, but it was far from romantic now. 

The two of you stood on opposite sides of your instructor, the tension between you so thick that in the midst of his safety spiel, he paused to ask if everything was okay between you. After a stilted reply of yes, your instructor looked at you both skeptically before carrying on. 

Seeing as Patrick was an athlete who spent his childhood school breaks in Aspen, he was pretty decent at skiing already. Far better than you, a novice who was moving a little bit like a giraffe standing on its feet for the first time. 

While it wasn’t your first time skiing—that had been on a family vacation you’d tagged along on with the Zweigs—you certainly were not experienced enough to be keeping up with Patrick, who had the experience and the ego to give even your instructor a run for his money. 

It was entertaining to watch him in his element, his competitive side coming out despite the fact there was no competition anywhere to be found. He was significantly faster than you wherever you went, and skied with a confidence that you doubted you would ever be able to exhibit. In the past, this behavior may have been slightly endearing to you, but right now, it was mostly a little annoying. 

You and your instructor stood above Patrick, watching him effortlessly glide down the mountain in front of you. If you weren’t so agitated, you might actually have been impressed. As if your instructor was actively reading your mind, he leaned over to say something to you. 

“I think he’s trying to impress you,” he said quietly, though the subject of your conversation was an entire slope away. 

You nearly choked on your own saliva at the observation. “No way.”

“What do you mean no way?” he laughed. “Trust me, I’ve been doing this for years, and I’ve seen it all. Couples, crushes, friends, coworkers. I know posturing when I see it.”

“Trust me, he could care less.”

He looked at you with a doubting squint.  “Why don’t we go down there and ask him?”

“Absolutely not,” you laughed. The thought of asking Patrick anything after the interactions you’d had seemed absolutely ridiculous. At this point, you wouldn’t even ask him what time it was. 

“Sorry. Let me rephrase that. That was me telling you that it’s time for you to go down the slope.”

You looked downhill at where you needed to go, noting that it was far steeper than what you’d been practicing on leading up to this point. You had been looking for an excuse to stall going down it, but now that your instructor had said something about that, you couldn’t not go.

After taking a deep breath, you began to go down. Gaining a bit of speed, you also found yourself growing slightly more confident, closing your eyes and feeling the cold air press against your body. While you were enjoying your speed at first, it was quickly growing out of hand, and you began to panic as you realized just how fast you were going. Desperately trying to pull your skis into a V shape to slow down, you were horrified at the realization that you were far too late, and actively heading towards a cluster of trees. You didn’t know what to do other than to accept your fate, and everything had happened so fast anyway that you found yourself tumbling into a tree, a searing pain on your ankle and tailbone as you laid out on the rocky ground.

Everything felt like it was moving slowly and quickly at the same time. One second, you were alone in the snow, and the next, Patrick and your ski instructor were hovering over you, goggles on their foreheads as they looked at you with concern.

“Are you okay?” you were finally able to make out once the slight ringing in your ears had ceased. 

“Did you see how hard she crashed? Of course she isn’t fucking okay,” Patrick’s voice huffed, though slightly muffled from your helmet covering your ears.

“My ankle,” you said, as if that gave them enough context. You wondered if they could see the tears beginning to pool under your goggles. The pair looked at your limb, though with your snowsuit covering it, they really couldn’t see much. 

“Can you walk?” your instructor asked you. 

“I haven’t tried, but I’m gonna go with no.”

“We’re gonna have someone check you out. Don’t worry, they’ll be here soon,” your ski instructor told you. You blinked a few times and mustered all the strength you could to nod. 

The longer you sat, the more you began to realize how badly everything hurt. From your head down to your surely swollen ankle, you weren’t feeling too hot. You closed your eyes, suddenly feeling very exhausted. Maybe a quick little nap was exactly what you needed to feel a little better.

“Hey, don’t do that. You hit your head pretty hard when you fell, so you might have a concussion.”

“I don’t, I’m just tired,” you explained, though you didn’t know for a fact that it was true. In fact, with the pounding in your head, you more likely than not had a mild concussion. 

“Well, you kinda have to stay awake,” Patrick told you, though he surely knew it was easier said than done. You were surprised when you felt his gloved hand take yours and squeezed your hand softly. “Hey, why don’t you tell us a story?” he suggested, clearly just trying to keep you awake.

“Do you wanna hear the story about how he proposed to me?” you asked the instructor. You weren’t sure why that was the first thing to pop into your head, but it was a long enough story to keep you awake until help arrived. You wished your goggles were slightly less tinted, so you could at least see the scandalized expression Patrick was probably making. You loved when you made him react like that, since the roles were usually reversed. 

“Well, yeah. Of course,” your instructor responded with a hint of a laugh. “You guys are engaged?” he directed towards Patrick.

“This is our honeymoon,” you replied before Patrick had an opportunity to respond. You wished you could see the confused look that your instructor was surely making.

“So what happened?”

“When he proposed?” you asked to clarify. 

“...Sure.”

“Well, for a little context, Patrick here is a professional tennis player. He’s really good too. So given my athletic ability, as you got to see today, I never really played with him. Like, he would always ask me to just play a fun, quick little round and I would always tell him no. Mostly because I knew he would crush me. I did play a little bit back in the day, but I was nowhere near his level. I mostly preferred to be on the sideline while we dated. I mean, I came to every single one of his games. I’m pretty sure my office introduced remote work to us because of me, since I was traveling all the time to see him.

“Anyway, one day, after a day of buttering me up, and I mean, he was really laying it on thick. I don’t know how I didn’t think something was up,” you laughed as you recalled the day, how Patrick had scheduled a nail appointment for you, then wined and dined you during a very romantic midday picnic. “But he asked me to play a little bit of tennis with him. I think I just thought he spent the day buttering me up so that I would play tennis with him, not that I would agree to marry him, but I digress. 

“We get to the tennis court and Patrick’s nervous like I’ve never seen him. He was a little jittery all day, but this was a different beast. Looking back, I really don’t understand why. He should’ve known I was going to say yes. Anyway, we’re playing, and somehow I win, even though I’m extremely rusty and have absolutely awful form. Obviously I knew Patrick threw the match for me, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t gonna gloat at him. 

“So I’m doing my victory spiel and I walk over to his side of the court, where he’s digging in his bag. He’s so quiet, which should’ve been a sign that something was up, and I’m thinking he’s about to pull out more tennis balls and tell me we’re doing a rematch, so he can really crush me. Instead, he pulls out a box and gets down on one knee. He gives me a speech about how he didn’t care if he never won another game of tennis in his life, because as long as we were together, he was a winner. It was really sweet. Obviously I said yes.”

You finally looked over at Patrick, though you couldn’t perfectly read his expression through the darkened lens of your goggles. You wondered if he felt any of the same feelings that were currently simmering in your own chest. Though, you didn’t get to stew too long, as help arrived just as your story came to a close. 

You were taken to an infirmary and given a series of tests, some to see the state of your head and other to see how the rest of your body was doing. Surprisingly, you made it out without too much serious damage. Your ankle was sprained, but nothing that would make it take too long to heal. You had a concussion, which surprised you, given your ability to recall so many details earlier in the day, but it was a very mild one. At least you’d made it back into your hotel in one piece. 

You really just wanted to relax for the rest of the evening, and you had plans to do exactly that, when there was suddenly a soft rapping at your door. 

You got up, and with help from the crutches you were provided, you hobbled to the door and opened it. On the other side was Patrick, who you were both surprised and unsurprised to see. 

“Hey. I got your room number from the front desk,” Patrick told you. “Do you mind if I come in?”

“Sure, but I’m probably going to sleep soon,” with some effort, you sidestepped the doorway to let him in.

“Do you need anything? Want anything?” he asked as he made himself at home in your room, evaluating what you already had. 

“I’m good, I think.”

“How’re you feeling? They wouldn’t let me see you at the infirmary.”

“I’ve been better,” you shrugged, sitting down on the foot of your bed to take some pressure off of your aching ankle. 

“I bet. Are you icing that?” he asked, gesturing to your most obvious injury. 

“I haven’t been able to make it out to the ice machine,” you confessed, though the doctor had suggested ice for the inflammation. 

“Let me go grab some for you,” he said before disappearing out into the hallway. Once he left, you laid back in bed, letting out a sigh of relief at how much better being flat felt. 

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t like being taken care of this way. It seemed like no matter how bad things got between the two of you, you would always care for one another in some capacity. You wondered what had gone through Patrick’s mind when he saw you hurt yourself. You wondered if that changed anything in the way he felt about you. 

He knocked on the door once more to tell you he was back, though the door was already unlocked. 

“If there’s anything else you need, I mean anything at all, just call me. I’m just down the hall from you,” he told you as he bagged up the ice he retrieved. 

He sat down on the foot of the bed, where you’d previously been sitting, and tenderly set the bag of ice on your ankle, clearly not wanting to hurt you any more than you were already hurt. He looked at you a little sadly before standing back up, not wanting to linger in your presence too long. 

“I’ll let you get some sleep,” he explained, already turning to head towards the door. 

“Thanks, Patrick,” you paused, looking for any other words you had for him. “Good night.”

“Night.”

SOMEWHERE IN ITALY

The next few days in Switzerland had been extremely boring. Due to doctor’s orders, you mainly stayed in bed, avoiding screens by reading books, and looking out the window to view the mountains that you were currently missing. 

Although you had to miss a lot of the fun your tour was going on, like a cheese and chocolate tour, you somehow still received an anonymous delivery of cheeses and chocolates—though, you were pretty sure you knew who was responsible for that. 

Patrick didn’t seem like he wanted to overstep any boundaries, which you respected, though you really could’ve used some company whose ear you could talk off. Hell, you’d even take another nasty argument over the resounding silence of your room. 

Luckily for you, by the time your group was traveling once again, you were starting to feel slightly better, concussion and ankle-wise. Though, your head was starting to hurt from listening to a person at the front of the bus go on about how much they needed the bus to pull over somewhere. 

After a period of incessant complaining from someone on your bus, the vehicle finally came to a stop at a small rest stop in the middle of the Italian countryside. 

Not willing to pass up an opportunity to stretch your legs, you got off at the stop, briefly stopping inside the building to look at what they had to offer before stepping behind the building, watching the wind blow through the overgrown weeds. 

Your attempt at enjoying the quiet, idyllic countryside was disturbed when you were joined by a smoking companion. 

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” he said. 

Before you could stop it, a sad smile appeared on your face. The two of you hadn’t spoken since your brief conversation in your hotel room, despite the mystery snack deliveries and the promise of coming if you called.

“I’ve been worried about you,” he said plainly.

“There’s nothing to worry about,” you dismissed. 

“You’ve spent the last few days all alone in a room with a concussion.”

“It’s mild.”

“You fucked up your ankle.”

“It’s healing. It’s not all that bad.”

“Well, I’ve been worried anyway,” he passed you his partially smoked cigarette and you took a drag from it, though you were sure that was one of the things you shouldn’t be doing with a concussion. 

“Thanks, I guess.” you said. “So is this just a wellness check, or…?”

“No, well, yes. Obviously I was worried about you physically, but I also was wondering about how you were in general.”

It was strange to see him clumsily mince his words, given how bold he usually was.

“Oh? What changed between here and Germany?”

“What changed? What changed was that I watched you almost die.”

You laughed aloud at his over dramatization of the event. “Patrick, I did not almost die.”

“How would I have known that? I just saw you flying downhill out of control and crashing and it terrified me. I couldn’t imagine a world without you in it.”

You weren’t sure how you were supposed to interpret his words, especially after the wild ride you’d been on throughout the trip. You weren’t sure you could handle another emotional bait and switch. 

“Pat, maybe we should talk about this later. The bus is probably taking off soon.”

“No,” he stopped you with a hand on your arm, calling you back with a desperation you hadn’t seen in him in a long time. “I don’t want to waste another second without you.”

“Okay,” you said, though you weren’t sure that you should buy into it yet. “Go ahead, then.”

“I can’t keep pretending that I don’t want you or don’t want to be with you,” he confessed, which genuinely took you by surprise. With the way he’d been dodging your attempts at building a connection, you certainly didn’t think he’d tell you something like that. 

“Then why have you been pretending?” you asked, hoping that your somewhat harsh words didn’t betray your genuine curiosity behind his behavior. 

“I don’t know,” he said. It was a terrible, unsatisfying answer. One that didn’t explain a single reason behind his behavior. “I guess I just can’t wrap my head around the idea that anyone would want to keep me around long-term.”

You looked at him with shock in your eyes, your mouth slightly agape at the confession. You couldn’t imagine Patrick, overconfident, bold, and self-assured, who you’d been dating for years, not feeling secure in your relationship–to the point where he’d been actively trying to push you away out of anticipating how you’d feel about him.

“When you told me you weren’t ready to be with me, it just confirmed everything I’d been worried about—that one day you would wake up next to me and realize that I wasn’t the guy you wanted. I guess it just happened sooner than I anticipated.”

You almost couldn’t believe what you were hearing. “If you felt like that, then why’d you tell me you weren’t in love with me anymore?”

“I thought if you were gonna leave me anyway, I might as well beat you to the punch.”

You were giving it your all to keep it together at this point, feeling slightly vindicated to know that Patrick was lying about no longer loving you, but mostly devastated that your whole relationship had been uprooted over an assumption that Patrick had made about you. 

“I… I don’t even know what to say,” you looked out into the grass, then back at Patrick. “I wish you’d stop assuming that you know what I want all the time.”

“Hey you two, last call for the coach,” your tour guide suddenly interrupted, looking very obviously annoyed that the two of you were holding the bus up. 

“Sorry. We’ll head back now,” you apologized to the guide. “We’ll continue this conversation later?” you directed towards Patrick. 

“Yeah,” he agreed. 

VENICE, ITALY

Putting a hold on your conversation probably wasn’t the wisest idea you’d ever had, considering that your next few days in Italy were set to be your busiest this far. 

Between gondola rides on different boats and exploring historic palaces, the two of you didn’t have much time to stop and have as serious of a talk as you wanted to have. Even if you did somehow manage to pick up where you’d left off, there were so many people around you that it didn’t even feel worth it. 

Luckily for you, your hotel had a private beach attached to it, and as you spent your evening by the beach, watching the sun go down, you were pleased to find that you were joined by familiar company. 

At first, Patrick didn’t say anything as he sat down on the same chair next to you. The two of you enjoyed the serene sunset and privacy that the beach afforded you in silence, though you were sure that things wouldn’t stay that way for long. 

“I love you, you know?” he finally piped up, breaking the silence with a very bold declaration. 

You looked at him calmly, though you weren’t feeling very calm on the inside. You’d been waiting to hear those words from him from the moment that the two of you broke up. You weren’t sure how you were supposed to react to it now, though the confession was better late than never. 

“I love you too. I never stopped,” you told him simply, as if the realization that you were stuck on him hadn’t been haunting you for months now.

“I never did, either. It was cruel of me to ever tell you that I did.”

You nodded in agreement, wondering if Patrick would ever understand the full extent of the damage his words had done to you. “It was, but I understand where you were coming from. If I had known that you didn’t think I was going to stick around, I would’ve gone about what I did differently,” you began to explain. “I think it came across as me not wanting to marry you at all. Of course I wanted to marry you. There was just so much else going on in my life then that the timing didn’t feel right.”

“But the timing might be right someday?” Patrick asked, a hopeful lilt in his voice. 

“The timing will be right someday. Maybe sooner than either of us know,” you shot him a wink, then broke into a grin as he pulled you into a firm, loving embrace. 

ATHENS, GREECE 

The rest of your time in Italy mainly consisted of making up for lost time, with the two of you partaking in far more PDA than what was ever necessary and thoroughly documenting your time abroad together as a couple. 

Thanks to your injury, you were slightly slower than the rest of your group. But that certainly didn’t stop Patrick from lagging along with you, letting you lean on him for support when you needed it and pausing to sit and take breaks with you whenever you noticed that walking was taking too much of a toll on you.

It was nice to be back with him, to not have to feel stupid for feeling what you felt or feel the pressure of knowing that you should probably be trying to move on. The only unfortunate part was how little time the two of you had left on vacation, with you heading home after spending a few days in Athens. If only the two of you had been upfront about your feelings earlier, then you could’ve been having as great of a time as you were having now during your entire trip. 

The two of you briefly floated the idea of having somewhat of a shotgun wedding, but scrapped it after realizing that you would prefer to have your family and friends there to celebrate with you. After all, many of them had been on the emotional rollercoaster that was your relationship right along with you. 

For the time being, the two of you were perfectly content with being together, and knowing that neither of you had any intentions of leaving. 

Somehow, that made your last few days of vacation feel infinitely better. 

ATHENS INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT

You scrolled endlessly on your phone, sending out a few messages to friends and family to let them know that you were heading back home. While you typically felt a few nerves before boarding a plane anywhere, you couldn’t help but feel a renewed sense of excitement, both at the thought of being able to go back home and sleep in your own bed, and at the potential your newly reformed relationship had. 

Your scrolling was interrupted by Patrick’s presence, carrying a coffee and a breakfast sandwich in his hands with a slightly goofy look on his face. 

“Sorry for taking so long. I think everyone and their mother wanted coffee today,” he explained as he sat down, passing you your items as he got comfortable next to you. 

“No worries. I’m just glad you were running late to grab us breakfast, instead of trying to switch our seats like last time.”

The two of you shared a laugh before Patrick said, “That feels like a lifetime ago.”

“It basically was,” you dismissed. 

Once it was announced that your group was boarding, the two of you stood up quickly, attempting to gather your bearings before getting on the plane. 

“‘Till next time, Europe,” you bid the country goodbye as the two of you made your way to the line. 

“Should we come back to Europe? I was thinking our next honeymoon should be somewhere else. Maybe Bali.”

“Oooh, Bali sounds nice. I think anywhere warm and with a beach is good,” you explained, though you really didn’t care where you went, as long as Patrick was there by your side.

[gadriezmannsgirl]

Hello, is it me you looking for?

Girlieeeee!!! I want to make a very important request ✨😋✨ I need you to do a Pedri fic with the song ✨we can't be friends✨ I need to read something like that from you 😌���️

Love you very much girlie ❤️❤️❤️

Wait until you like me again. I'll wait for your love... MY LOVE!🎶 I'm so deeply in love with that song, you wouldn't believe it😭

Warnings: I don't think there will be second part to this, full angst, Pedri is somehow clueless, reader is hurting and italics are memories

Can't Pretend -P.G8

Summary: You don't know how long you can keep your act up.

Your best friend, the guy you've known ever since you were two years old. The one who you could rely on, rant to and cry with, has just broken your heart once again. You stood there watching him kiss her as if his life depends on it, hugging her close to him as if he's afraid to lose her.

You wish you were her

It's then when you realise he was looking at you, you tight smiled and walked slowly over to him, your friendship wasn't the same since that day but right now you pushed it aside he had just won the EURO's with Spain, you felt happy for him and his achievement.

"Congratulations, platanito" You said softly maintaning some distance in between the two of you

"Gracias, corazón" The nickname had your chest tighten and you felt like crying, soon you felt his arms around you and you took a deep breath.

You had already made up your mind so you let yourself hug him tightly, some tears escaping your eyes; these being misinterpreted by tears of happiness.

"But don't you cry, I just cried enough for the two of us" He said as you crack a small smile

"Eres campeón de Europa" (You're champion of Europe) You said "How could I not cry if this is something you've always wanted? I feel so proud of you" You caress his cheek lovingly

"You've helped me through all of this too" You shook your head and was about to speak but no words came out, so you just wrapped your arms around him again and let go of the breath you were holding.

"Te quiero muchisimo, mi platanito" (I love you so much, banana boy) Your voice shook lightly

"Y yo a ti, mi corazón" (Love you too)

"Never forget it, please"

"You're my best friend until the day I die, I will never" He gets away for a bit before joining both of your foreheads "Why are you crying so much?"

"I'm just happy, that's all" You sniffed getting away from him, if you stayed one more second you will not be able to do it. "I'll go congratulate the others and then we will take a pic with the throphy, sounds good?" He nods

"See you in a few then" He said "Leila, vamos" He called his six months girlfriend over to congratulate other players and have some pictures of themselves with the throphy.

You dried your tears and walked over to the shark, who was watching you with a small smile

"Mi tiburón" (My shark)

"Mi pececita" (My little fish) He hugs you swinging you side to side

"Congrats, you deserve this win so much" Your voice was shaky

"We all did" He said and you nod "Will you be back?"

"I don't know" You whisper "But I'll try my best to keep in touch"

"I still don't think it's the best option" You shake your head

"Ferran..."

"But I know you need this" You nod thanking him "I'll always be one phone call away" You smile

"So will I"

"You won't stay for the celebrations?" You shook your head

"I can't" He nods

"See you later, then?" You nod hugging him once again

"See you later, my shark" You kiss his cheek "Love you"

"Love you too, little fish. Take care"

You go over to Gavi, Fermín, Lamine and Nico who are dancing and congratulate them with smile on your face and tight hugs. The first two also knew about your decision, they didn't question, they didn't cry, they just hugged you and wished you the best.

You then walked over the González López, Rosy and Fernando didn't know but Fer did, that's why he had this sad and melancholic look on his face as he watched you arrive

"Can't you reconsider it?" You shook your head

"This was a mistake" Pedri says standing up from the bed quicly searching for his clothes

"Pedri"

"We're best friends, we shouldn't have done this"

"You started it"

"And I don't know why I did it! But this can't happen again, we're just friends and that's it"

"Are you serious?"

"Yes, I am! We can forget about this and be friends, like we've always been"

"I have sat in silence for a long time, I can't wait for thim to suddenly like me again and then pretend nothing happened" You looked to the side watching Pedri goof around with Leila "He's happy now"

"What he did was wrong but I can't pay for his mistakes"

"You won't"

"I will be if I'm losing my sister"

"You'll not lose me Fer. I'll always be here for you but I need time for myself"

"I feel like I will, you don't even want to tell me where you are going to"

You sigh "You remember me saying of this famous program in this collegue I really wanted to go?" He nods "They let me in"

"In fucking Australia?! That's so far"

"You can still visit me anytime you want to, I'll keep in touch with you, I promise"

"Promises can be broken"

"I'm not like that and you know it" He sighs fighting the tears

"You want me to go with you to the airport?" You shook your head

"Spain just won the EURO's, your brother's a champion. You need to celebrate with him. I'll let you know whenever I land"

"Please, don't be a stranger" Fer whispers hugging you once again

"I won't, promise" You whisper kissing Fer's cheek.

You start walking before you turn around to watch Pedri laughing and smiling with his girlfriend by his side, he turns around and waves you over. You nod telling him you'll be there in a few minutes, he winks at you and you wink back at him. Soon, he turns around once more paying attention to the story his cousin is telling while you hurry to get out of the stadium.

You open your apartment watching all the packed boxes, his clothes laid on a box that Fer is meant to take later, your sister's helping you with everything and you know you shouldn't go there but you do. In there, lays the pink small bear he gave you at the feria, the small Barce shirt with the 8 fitting the bear in such an adorable way, you smile softly.

"This is ours"

"You won it for me so it's mine"

"I won it but I'm letting you have it everyday so it's ours"

You dig a bit more into the box and find the crystal sphere he gave you in Christmas, you shook it and watched the snow fall slowly

"You're a football player, of course you'll be faster than me!"

"Come on, mi corazón. I gotta give you your christmas present and if you're not fast enough santa's reindeer will take it away!"

You sigh moving your legs faster, running behind him "Liar!"

"So you don't believe in Rudolph, Dasher, Dancer, Vixen, Prancer, Cupid, Comet, Blitzen y Donner?"

"No?"

"Too bad they got me this for you" He lifts a bag

"You asshole making me run for it!" He laughs hard as you try to catch your breath "Did you seriously learned the whole 9 reindeer's names?"

"I did, for you. Yes"

You felt a tear coming down your eye, then you grabbed his 2002 hoodie, you were the first one to ever try a piece of clothing from his collection. You smiled remembering he gave it to you so you could fell asleep in his arms because of the thunderstorm

"Stop" The hoodie was ripped from your hands, you turned around to find your sister, Amelia. "You're only hurting yourself more"

"I can't help it, Meli" Your tears came out

"And that's why we're moving out. So you can pursue your dreams and forget about him"

"What if I don't?"

"You will, Y/N. I know you will"

You leaned down to pick your one year old dog, Zeus into your arms, he licked your tears away "Will I?"

"You will, now stop looking at those. We need to catch a flight"

"When is Fer picking these up?"

"Probably after the celebrations"

"Do you think he'll be mad at me?"

"Maybe he will, maybe he won't. But I know that you need to put yourself first from now on"

"Can I at least have something?"

"It wouldn't be ideal"

"Please, just one little thing and we'll go right away" Amelia sighs but either way nods. You turn around and grab a small bracelet he gave you a few years ago from his box; he's supposed to have the other half but he left it in your apartment some weeks ago before he left for Germany.

You looked at the pictures of you both from babies all the way to teenagers and to the young adults you were now. You sighed before turning around to face Amelia.

"We're ready" You grabbed your suitcases, Zeus's bag, leash and with one more look at your apartment you left, ready to stop hurting, ready to forget about an unrequited love and ready to start your new life.

°°° °°° °°° °°°

Taglist: @gaviymarcsbride @stuckinaf4nfiction @elijahslover @azzpenswrld @http-isabela

[toomuchracket]

it's only been a year (birthday party matty x reader fluff)

surprise! happy 1st anniversary of the blog, and therefore to these fuckers. love you all. enjoy <3

matty’s so glad you're here.

not that he doesn't love his job, because he really, really does - and, to be honest, playing music for lovely people with his best friends has never felt like a proper shift to him - but the touring sparkle is starting to fade a bit now. it's been nonstop for almost two years, the end of this album cycle is in sight, and, as much as he hates to admit it, he's not as young as he once was. the tiredness catches up to him faster, because the adrenaline doesn't last as long, and all the dancing around is taking a bit more of a toll on his body than it used to (which reminds him: put the knee support on before travelling tomorrow). what used to be hours-long hedonistic afterparties have turned into staying backstage for a couple of drinks at most, before hurrying to the hotel for a hot shower to soothe the muscles in the voice and the rest of the body, and then getting as much sleep as possible. arguably, not particularly rock'n’roll, nor very exciting.

but you're here. at the shows, on the planes and trains and buses, and, currently, cueing up an episode of derry girls from the bed in matty's (well, both of your) hotel room. and because you are, the sparkle is still there, still glimmering away like glitter under strobe lights. he's not in the habit of quoting or relating to abba songs (although it's been happening more often recently, probably because of your love for mamma mia), but matty thinks they hit the nail on the head in super trouper - he truly cannot be sad knowing you're in the crowd, seeing you dance along to his songs and smile at him like he hung the moon.

wrapping the towel around his waist, matty steps out of the bathroom, and immediately smiles (probably gormlessly) at the sight of you, frowning cutely as you try to get netflix to load; his heart melts when you push up your glasses, then turn to beam at him when you catch a glimpse of him from the corner of your eye. “hi, baby. how you feeling?”

“tired,” matty sighs, smiling again when you climb off the bed and peck him on the lips, before tugging him into a cuddle. he hums. “thanks, sweetheart.”

“s'ok,” you press a kiss to his chest tattoo, a move so tender that it never fails to weaken his knees. “d'you want me to make you a hot chocolate while you get ready for bed?”

matty pulls back to look at you, brow furrowed. “we have hot chocolate?”

“there's a setting for it on the coffee machine.”

“there is? i didn't notice.”

“yeah, it's in french.”

“oh,” matty laughs, kissing your head. “this is really a recurring thing for us, isn't it? you keeping me right with drinks in europe because you're the only one of us who can speak french. thank god you were a pretentious teenager, darling.”

you blink at him. “you're taking the piss out of me for being a pretentious teenager?”

“well, i’m not the one who learnt another language so i could read the original text of les mis,” matty smirks. “how's that going, by the way?”

your face takes on the adorably bashful expression matty loves so much. “haven't even finished it in english yet,” you say, before crumbling into laughter that matty can't help joining in on - fuck, he loves you so much. when he tells you as much, you kiss him again. “i love you, too. now - hot choc, or no?”

“i'll take one, please, darling.”

“okay,” you kiss his nose, beaming at the way he scrunches it when you do. “can you see if you can get netflix to work once you're dressed, please, babe?”

“course, darling.”

“thank you, lover.”

there's a final kiss, then you let go of matty and wander to the coffee machine; as silly as it sounds, because you're only about three feet away from him, he misses you as soon as you leave his arms. having you in them, being in yours… that's matty's favourite thing in the world, and he'd gladly sacrifice most other things in life to have it for five minutes longer every morning and night, ten more minutes per day of him just being yours and you just being his.

although, looking at you now, it's so clear that those things are true even without him holding you - the hoodie you're wearing is an old one of his (that honestly looks better on you), the boxers you're wearing as pyjama shorts are his, and he's preeeeetty sure the overly-long nike sports socks you're wandering around in are also his. he gives parts of himself to you, and you accept them gladly, proudly displaying that you're completely his; in heart and mind and soul, too, not just in wardrobe.

he still can't get over that. he doesn't think he ever will.

once he's dressed (clothes warm, because you were sweet enough to put them on the radiator for him) and the tv has loaded properly, matty settles into bed, beaming at you as you wander over with his drink and giggling when you place it on the bedside table and just crawl over him to get to your side of the bed. he kisses the side of your head as you snuggle into him. “you're not having one, darling?”

“nah,” you let out a world-weary sigh. “i've had far too much chocolate today as is. remind me never to agree to going to a gig in switzerland ever again. s'awful for my digestion.”

matty laughs. “or you could just, you know, not eat chocolate.”

you frown adorably at him. he laughs again. “or not.”

“thank you,” your face softens. “s'good, though. try the hot chocolate, see for yourself.”

“right,” matty takes a sip, humming happily at the rich sweetness. “mhmm. yeah.”

“amazing, isn't it?”

he nods, swallowing, then grins. “nowhere near as sweet as you, though.”

“oh, you sap!” you roll your eyes, tucking your face into matty’s chest in mild embarrassment while he giggles; he can feel you smiling through his t-shirt, though. “put the telly on, i can't cope.”

he obliges, free hand coming up to stroke your hair as you watch the episode in relative calm - that is, aside from the two of you constantly laughing at the onscreen antics, and from you covering matty's mouth in an attempt to stop him doing his god-awful impression of a northern irish accent. the whole experience is really domestic, as sweet as the hot chocolate matty finished ten minutes into the episode, the perfect end to a busy work day.

matty stretches when the episode ends, moving to wrap his arms around your waist and rest his head on your chest. “time is it, sweetheart?”

“ten past midnight,” you yawn; suddenly, though, you perk up. “oh! happy anniversary, baby!”

he smiles into your chest, dragging himself up to hover over you. “happy anniversary, my girl,” he coos, thumbs stroking your pretty face. “i love you.”

“i love you,” you smile. “kiss, please?”

matty nods, leaning down to press his lips to yours; on instinct, you open your mouth as soon as he does, soundtracked by a sigh that makes his head spin. even now, a year on from it, every kiss you share feels like the very first one up against the wall in the smoking area, full of passion and adrenaline and just total love and devotion that you'd both kept buried for each other for years. the only difference is that now, 365 days on, you know exactly how to kiss matty to make him melt - a moan slips from his throat as you softly swipe your tongue around the perimeter of his lips, which in turn makes you smile, and another follows when you gently bite his lower lip and drag it to release. but it's the way you beam at him afterwards, breathing just as heavily as he is, that gets matty most, makes him hug you as tightly as he can and press little kisses all over your face and hair and get you giggling (his favourite sound in the world).

once you've both caught your breath, kissed some more, and caught your breath again, you speak. “d'you want your anniversary present now, baby?”

matty grins. “yeah. you want yours?”

“yeah,” you beam. reaching across to your bedside table, you take out a little wrapped gift and hand it to him. “for you.”

“thank you, sweet girl,” matty kisses your forehead, rolling off you to pull a thin box from his bag at the side of the bed. “for you.”

“thanks, darling,” you kiss him softly. “go on, you open yours first.”

“alright,” matty carefully rips the brown paper - after smiling, lovesick, at for the love of my life written on it in your unmistakable handwriting - to find what looks like a zine, small enough to fit in his back pocket. he laughs in slight shock at the cover, displaying both of your first initials in a heart and subtitled year one, and this continues when he flicks through the pages. the very first has a picture of the two of you at that fateful birthday party, taken by a friend across the table, as well as one of the receipt for dinner, with little hearts drawn on either side of the listing for your favourite wine; the next, a short typed-out musing ‘written on matty's couch. he's in love with me. he knows i'm in love with him. i've never been so happy in my life. i fell asleep thinking my heart might burst, and that feeling hasn't left me at all. this is true love. i know it now’.

flicking through the pages - he so badly wants to spend time poring over every single one, but he knows now isn't the time - matty feels the exact same way. you've always been shockingly good at gift-giving when it comes to him, but this… this is the best thing anyone's ever done for him.

he doesn't even think love is a strong enough word to describe how he feels about you, to be honest.

you smile when he tells you as much, lifting his hand to kiss it. “i'm glad you like it, baby. i had a lot of fun compiling everything. it was just constant reminders of how much i love you - although, i agree, it's not a strong enough word. maybe i should come up with an alternative. like how coleridge did with soulmate.”

“thank fuck he did, by the way,” matty sighs, leaning in to kiss you. “what would i call you otherwise?”

“i'm sure you'd figure it out. you're very good with words.”

“not when it comes to you, darling,” he smiles. “and that's actually relevant to your gift, so…”

“point taken,” you wink, lifting the lid. your beautiful face takes on a confused expression as you lift out a thin, a3-sized hardback book. “this looks like one of your lyric books from stage…”

“it does, a bit, yeah.”

“...and it has my name on the front,” your jaw drops, and you open the book so frantically that matty can't help but giggle; he laughs even harder when you look up at him, aghast. “this is a score. you wrote me a song?”

“kind of, sweetheart. i mean, i've written you lots of songs already-”

“but none explicitly with my name!”

“no, that's true,” matty moves to sit behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist. he feels you relax immediately, which is good, because for a second he thought you were about to go into genuine shock. “and this one is slightly different in another way, too.”

“it is?”

“yeah. look - there aren't any lyrics,” he takes your hand in his own, dragging your finger over the score to show blankness where the words would appear over the stave. “when i said a minute ago that i wasn't good with words when it comes to you, i mean it. you're literally the only person in the world that can render me speechless; trying to concisely convey everything i love about you in words that 1) made sense and 2) worked in a song was impossible. so i figured i would just let the music do the talking,” matty kisses your head. “no lyrics, parts for almost a full orchestra plus the instruments i'm used to writing for… this isn't a song, darling, it's a symphony, the one that plays in my head whenever i think about you.”

“matthew,” your voice is shaky when you say his name; when you turn to look at him, he notices your jaw is too, the telltale sign that you're about to burst into tears. “i think you're absolutely fucking mental. and i love you, i love you, i love you,” your voice cracks into a sob on the last you, and you bury your face in your boyfriend's neck while you cry. “that's the most romantic thing anyone could do, i think, and you did it for me. what the fuck!”

matty giggles, caressing your back and kissing your head soothingly. “s'the least i could do, really.”

“oh, shut up.”

“alright,” he coaxes you out of hiding, wiping your tears away and kissing your nose. “i'll play it for you when we get to a piano tomorrow, yeah?”

“i'd like that,” you peck his lips. “thank you, my love.”

“you're welcome, darling. and thank you for the little zine about us - can't wait to read that tomorrow, too.”

you nod happily - suddenly, your eyes widen. “wait! that reminds me: i got you something else too. and i want us to use them tomorrow.”

“let's see, then,” matty sits up in anticipation, but almost immediately slumps back down exasperatedly when he sees the rolling papers in your hand. “baby…”

“what? it's on-theme!” you grin. “it’s paper! the thing you're meant to give and get to celebrate a first anniversary. and, let's be serious, it was me wanting to smoke that got us here, wasn't it?” 

“you’re incorrigible, sweetheart,” matty shakes his head, hand tracing patterns into your thigh; he can't help but smile, though. “but alright - tomorrow, at some point, we'll smoke.” 

“promise?”

“for fuck's sake,” he sighs. “i promise, even though i think you're demented.” 

you beam. “thanks. i love you!” 

“i love you, too, darling.”

[meazalykov]

Teammates, or lovers?

emily fox x uswntplayer!R

summary: after moving to Europe, the rumors surrounding you and your girlfriend died down. what if they come back during the gold cup?

warnings: none

Emily Fox and Y/n L/n are in a year long relationship together. The 25 and 23 year old first met when they both played for North Carolina Courage in 2023. Since then, Emily moved to London and Y/n L/n moved to Lyon to continue their football careers. So, their relationship turned into a long distance relationship. 

The two lovers were sad about it, and the first two months were pretty hard to adjust to. However, they both moved to the same continent so it was easier to see each other during small breaks in their careers. Y/n made the effort to visit London to see Emily, even if it's only a day trip. Emily made the same efforts as well, coming to Lyon to watch Y/n play with their USWNT teammate Lindsey Horan whenever it's possible. 

You remembered the night in North Carolina when you cried to Emily about your career. For a while, you lost your passion and struggled to find a challenge in the sport. Everyone involved in the NWSL knew that you were one of the best left wingers out there. You moved to North Carolina from the Chicago Red Stars to see if the team was the problem, it wasn’t. 

Emily understands your feelings completely. She cried with you as well since your feelings with the sport related with hers.

The next day, Y/n’s agent told her that ​​Olympique Lyon wanted to offer her a contract. The girl’s jaw dropped at the news. Lyon is one of the most developed clubs in the world, in terms of women’s soccer. She knew Lindsey Horan, her friend and USWNT teammate, transferred there after a year long loan deal. Y/n accepted the offer, hoping that Lyon would give her the passion she wanted back. 

“Emily, I have to tell you something.” Y/n sat down beside Emily as she held her hands. The brunette swallowed in nervousness, wondering if her girlfriend saw the rumors about her on instagram. 

“I am transferring clubs–” Y/n confessed, before Emily had the chance to talk, the left winger cut her off. 

“Not a NWSL club.. Um.. I signed a contract and I’m moving to Europe—-France specifically.” Y/n frowned. She looked at Emily and saw a look… of relief?? 

“Em what's the matter?” Y/n questioned Emily’s expression.

“Nothing n/n. I was going to tell you this soon but maybe I'll tell you now too– but I am moving to Europe as well. A club offered me a contract and I signed a few days ago.” Emily confessed. 

Y/n raised her eyebrows, she knew Emily wanted to transfer clubs, but wondered which lucky club signed Emily. 

“Where?” Y/n asked. 

“England...well London to be exact.” Emily answered. Y/n smiled and the two girls embraced each other in a hug.

When Emily and Y/n played at Courage, many fans started to suspect that they’re a couple. Many WOSO fanpages shipped the duo due to their close proximity at events. The girls decided that they didn’t want to go public with their relationship until a few years in, since they’d be established enough to not let external factors affect them. 

As the two girls moved to Europe, they found their love for the sport back. Y/n fits into Lyon perfectly, being the highest goalscorer in France and in the Women’s Champions League. Emily is considered to be one of the best defenders in England since her transfer. The “rumors” about their relationship died down completely, but some fans do miss the duo at Courage.

Now it's March 2024, the USWNT faces off Brazil in the 2024 CONCACAF Gold Cup final. Y/n L/n and Emily Fox were both on the roster for the tournament which excited the couple. The couple excited the fans too, as Emily and Y/n’s pictures together during training practices excited the fanbase. 

At halftime, the score is up 1-0. Y/n’s Lyon teammate Lindsey Horan scores a header that gives the United States the lead. Emily started the match but Y/n didn’t, but the forward subbed on and replaced Trinity Rodman in the 61st minute. 

In the 79th minute, Emily fox gained possession of the ball after an error caused by a Brazilian midfielder. She passes the ball to Sophia Smith, seeing the striker in a nice path free from the opposition. 

Sophia Smith struggles with keeping control of the ball when she found contact with a Brazilian defender, so she looks forward seeing Y/n L/n onside and free to receive a pass. 

Y/n L/n is known for her dribbling and perfect finishes when she shoots from outside the box. The crowd knew this, so the screams got louder as y/n moved the ball to her left. She looks up to see that the Brazilian defender in front of her didn’t move quick enough at her move, so she goes to take a shot. 

The soccer ball goes up high in the air and curves, the Brazilian goalkeeper jumps up and the ball barely grazes her fingers before it lands in the net. Goal!

Y/n jumps in excitement before she runs to the corner of the pitch, the crowd erupts and y/n has her arms spread out in celebration. 

USWNT 2-0. 

The forward turned around and saw Lindsey Horan running to her, y/n jumped up on the blonde girl in excitement. The rest of the team on the pitch gathered around the girls as they’re guaranteed to win, unless Brazil had a miracle. 

As the group disbanded from the celebration, y/n saw her girlfriend who smiled brightly. Not caring about the amount of photographers that could capture the moment and the crowd as witnesses, the forward hugs the defender in a tight embrace. Emily accepted it, naturally putting her head on y/n’s shoulder for a few seconds before letting go and tapping her on the lower back in praise. 

Twenty minutes later, the game ended 2-0. The USWNT wins the first women’s CONCACAF Gold Cup. Y/n and Emily run and give each other a hug. Well, y/n jumped on Emily who held her as the two celebrated their win. This didn’t go unnoticed by fans and shippers. 

The team knew about their relationship, so they gave the girl’s their own moment before the whole team celebrated. This is before going up to receive the trophy and gold medals. 

Emily and Y/n stayed side by side the entire night. The idea of hiding their relationship wasn’t ideal to them anymore, now they wanted the world to know about their love. 

(pretend this is you in all the pictures below)

y/n.l/n

(tagged: naomi_girma, y/n.l/n, ___emilyfox)

(tagged: 100purcent, y/n.l/n)

(tagged: y/n.l/n, lindseyhoran10)

(tagged: olivia_moultrie, y/n.l/n, lindseyhoran10, emilysonnett)

liked by ___emilyfox, sophsssmith, and 33,987 others

a month of hard work ended in victory 💙 forever proud snd grateful for being with this team.

comments

alexmorgan13 🇺🇸🔥🏆

___emilyfox I love you!! ❤️

wosofan OH MY GOD???

y/n_lyonfan I CANT BELIEVE MY EYES

100purcent gold cup champs!! so proud 🥹

sophsssmith 🤍

trinity_rodman I had such a fun time! 🏆

y/n.l/n same!!

--

an: my first uswnt centered fic! hope you enjoyed <3

[lcvelust]

Champange Problems / Sirius Black

Inspired by Little Women (2019)

A click resounded through the room, followed by a soft flicker of light. Sirius groaned as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, yawning as he scratched the skin just under his jaw.

He squinted; his gaze settling on your figure as you paced around the room. Noticing that he was awake, you halted all of your movements. You always hated the fact that he was a light sleeper.

“Sirius.”

You spoke his name with an air of seriousness, and he couldn’t help but feel his nerves creep up on him. He didn’t know why, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know. You trembled under his stare, his eyes darting to the letter that you held tightly in your hands. “What’s that?”

Gulping, you pressed your lips into a thin line. “I’m.. it’s for Aunt March. She’s very ill.”

A crease formed on his forehead, and worry etched itself on his face. It was a surprise how he was still so expressive, despite his past living circumstances. 

“Come here.” 

He patted the space close to him, and you complied with his wishes, slowly setting yourself down on the foot of his bed. It seems as though sadness has coursed through your veins at that very moment, threading onto your very being as you looked down at your lap; pushing down your tears.

Sirius sat back, carefully tucking your hands underneath his, letting the envelope fall astray. “What is it?” He asked.

His touch had always set your skin ablaze, yet this time around, it felt different. It didn’t soothe the pounding in your heart, nor the defeaning ringing inside of your ears. “She doesn’t have anyone else. I am to take care of her.”

“That wouldn’t be too bad, right?”

You sighed, gnawing at your bottom lip as dread crept up your insides, tearing you apart as the moments pass. Finally looking up at him, you laughed, humor barely visible in your tone. “No. Not if she doesn’t force me to marry a wealthy man.” 

His handsome face was pulled into a frown, “Why would—?”

You shook your head.

“I’m going to have to fly to Europe soon. I can’t keep her waiting.”

Nodding in response, he passed you a look of sympathy, one that you couldn’t bear to have received. Not from him, at least.

As if he had thought of an idea to try and make light of the situation, he cracked a small, dopey smile. 

“If that’s your only concern, then we can fly out there together. Marry me.”

Your eyes widened in shock, sensing some truth in his words. They felt like a dagger straight to your chest— its blade shoving its way through your throat, gutting you from the inside out, wrenching the air from your lungs and prying it out of you. Your mouth runs dry, struggling to come into terms with what he had said. 

“Sirius.. I refuse.” 

His face contorted to one of confusion, and you stopped yourself from scoffing. “Think of it. I’ll make you happy, I am highly devoted to. You won’t work, and you and your aunt will be provided for. You don’t even have to cater to me, or love me. If you would just let me.”

He was genuine, yet you could not bring yourself to fall onto his hands. You still felt as though his admittance was fake. The words that you had always waited to hear, tumbling out of his mouth casually while he laid his gentle eyes upon you— the same eyes that held that look for another— holding your heart down under its crushing weight.

“No, you can’t do this, Sirius. It wouldn’t be fair. You’re not being fair.”

You shook your head once more, pulling away from his burning hot touch, as if being scorched. You jump to your feet, snatching your almost-forgotten letter up from the floor;  feeling like the walls were closing up on you. Sirius was quick to follow your tail as you exited his room, disgruntled.

“You could marry for any reason under the sun. I would not be an accomplice in getting that privilege taken away.” You whispered to the wind, your vision being obscured by black and white, and the air between the two of you thicker. “I.. money is not the only reason I have to marry. I need to marry for love and security, too, can’t you understand that?”

“I can give all of that to you! I’d happily do!”

“No! You can’t! Just.. I’m not the person you’re in love with!” You snapped, stilling your movements as you looked at him with teary eyes. “It’s.. it’s not right, Sirius. I don’t think it’ll ever be.”

His gaze dropped, and a dent had fought its way onto the space between his brows once more. It was all in your intention to make him feel the hurt that he had inflicted on you, and you were not sure if you had just done so; your stare dancing across his soft features.

He was illuminated by the sun rising from beneath the horizon, the windows letting specks of light penetrate through its crystalline panes. His lips were taut with something that you couldn’t quite decipher, almost on the verge of trembling. He was as beautiful as the hurt that had blossomed inside of you. He was pained; vulnerable, and so, so beautiful.

“Please,” he muttered, reaching out to hold one of your hands in his. Tantalizingly soft, it was obvious that the man has never worked for a day in his life. 

“I love you.”

He had let go of the words so carelessly, without missing a beat. His head was still bowed, like he was ashamed by his confession. There, you had realized that you were no longer young. You were man and woman. You couldn’t be held back by the threads of yesterday.

You sniffed. He was wearing his heart on his sleeve, yet you couldn’t will yourself to take it— your mind racing with the thoughts of him and his lover of the past. Not anymore. The tenderness, adoration, the embarrassment. All was clear, and they were dancing around his clouded eyes, ones that you wouldn’t have guessed to be grey if you hadn’t memorized them long ago.

“You’re being mean.” You had managed to get out, sobs forcing themselves to bubble in your throat. “I’ve loved you for so long, Sirius. You can’t possibly— you can’t just say that. You’re being mean.”

You didn’t dare look at him as you picked up the little dignity you had left. You didn’t give him time to answer as you shook him from your arm, in a rush to enter your room; closing the door on his face. You placed your back on the door, helplessly crying, and furiously wiping at the tears that had escaped from your eyes.

It was the first time that you had fell apart, and the first time it had happened right outside of his arms. You had loved him once; and perhaps, that was enough.

[flowery-mess]

Honeymoon with Noah

MATCHING SWIMMING SUIT

You thought you would have to beg him to match, but surprisingly he gave in very soon

That's because he secretly loves it

He loves showing that you're his and he loves seeing you happy, that's both in one

You wanted to go to explore a new country, like somewhere in europe or in asia

But then you decided for the basic Maldives honeymoon, because with your work and his work, you don't really have time to relax this way

So you agreed on 10 days full of sea and beach and sun

Noah wanted to stay at thise little houses above water, but that would send you into a coma

Water scares you and you wouldn't sleep for the whole 10 days, thinking that some bigger wave could splash your house down

So you agreed on little house apartment close to the beach

There is something about traveling with your partner and you just love it

Sleepy drive to the airport, sleep some more on the flight and then yay you're in heaven

Sunscreen

I repeat, SUNSCREEN

Have you seen videos of Noah from festivals? Cause he was RED

And so are you, easy to get sunburned

So you both apply lots of sunscreen, looking funny

But you'd rather look funny then be in pain the next day

You spend lot of time in water too

You're snorkeling

Or you're racing like little kids, " I bet I can get faster to that rock than you"

Or you're just hugging each other, stealing little kisses once in a while

It's just easy to do these things when the beach is almost empty and most of the people don't know who Noah is

You do activities like going on a cruise or snorkeling lessons

Noah told staff of the complex you're in that you're newlyweds and that it's your honeymoon, so one night they surprise you with private dinner

There are candles, flowers, wine, lights and anything else you would want on a romantic dinner

There is also lots of different kinds of lingeries, different colors... do I need to say more

All of those things make the honeymoon feel like it lasted just 10 seconds, not 10 days

Before you know it you're on a flight back home

Sad it came to an end, but like happy sad?

You left just a few days after the wedding, now you were in your own bubble, so you're excited to see what marriage in everyday life will be

You're also both very happy with the way you live your life, so you're happy to come back to your home, to your jobs and friends

But you also agree that vacation like this every once in a while isn't bad idea

[sashi-ya]

𝑻𝑶 𝑺𝑻𝑬𝑨𝑳 𝑨 𝑯𝑬𝑨𝑹𝑻. Trafalgar Law x F! Reader

🌨 a/n: so I recently been to Austria, a country I often visit since it's literally like a dream. (plus, my mom knew she was pregnant with me there, so I was used to come back to Innsbruck as much as I could with her). But in any case I got inspired there to write this little fic, that might -or not- be a multi chapter one if you all like it. The place exists and the scam part, happened to me -kinda, the airbnb existed, but not as it was listed :P- but in any case, please enjoy and don't forget to leave some feedback if you want more~ ❄ tw: a very sfw story, that might evolve into something else if you want me to keep writing about their trip 😏 ☃ wc: 2.6k

Hijacking for the first time, what could go wrong? Maybe everything, maybe nothing.

A two-month long trip all around Europe has found you on a little village of Austria. Your boots are cold, but luckily they are snow proof ones. Your skin all bumpy, your cheeks irritated. It’s been snowing all night, and despite the sun rising for now, some clouds in the sky menace with more white blessing to fall upon your shoulders very soon.

Those little mountain streets around the Alps are wonderful, they surround mountains going up and down and in a spiral way. But those are wonderful, as long as you can drive a car with heating. And you don’t have one right now.

The crunchy sound of the snow beneath your boots mix with the melody of a glacial river running in between the mountain and the road. It is certainly beautiful, the little rocks and stones being bathed by such pure and cold water, the rests of dry leaves and some moss growing on an everlasting shadow casted by tall, enormous peaks.  Everything is worth taking a picture, but you should prioritize your battery life this time around. The GPS is sometimes wonky, being that high can affect the service.

Many cars have passed by, but none of them have stopped. Little lorries carrying logs pass, cars completely drenched in dirty snow and that mix of salt that roads have during winters.

However, just when your hopes for finding someone to at least give you a ride to the next village were about to run out, the yellow shine of an old VW ban flashes before your eyes.

There, behind a curve -a very dangerous one if you ever went to the mountains- something smells like smoke and a tall man of white furry hat swears up to the skies.

You walk towards him, carefully. Who knows what is happening? Who knows who that man is capable of? There is one thing you are sure, however, and it is that this man is absolutely mad at his old van.

When peaking behind a dark wooden tree that’s now covered in spots of white snow, you discover the annoyed man is a young -handsome- one.

His van, a little rusty but still cute, seems to be having problems to keep going and the smoke coming from it shows it very well.

“Sir? Sir! Your van is catching fire!” you announce, realizing the smoke is indeed a very serious issue.

The guy of chocolate skin and tattooed hands turns around to look immediately at you and then to the back of the van. Those 70’s vehicles had actually their engines right in the back instead of the front.

And Indeed, you were right. Apparently the climb had been too tough for the poor old VW and its engine couldn’t take it any longer.

He quickly opens the back door, maybe searching for a fire extinguisher while you grab fistfuls of snow in an attempt to put down the incipient flames. Quickly enough, and with not many damages to count, the fire stops, and the only thing left is a big black spot on the back of the caravan.

“Thank you” he says, as dry as hopefully your socks. “No problem. What happened? Did the engine over heat?” you ask, curious despite his “I don’t want friends” face. “Yes; these hills are no joke. This never happened to my Polar, but there is always a first time…” he sighs, assessing the damage with a sad expression.

Apparently his van has a name; “Polar”. That’s very cute, and his eyes too. A golden shine in them looks even beautiful with the pristine white around. His tattoos do as well. You wonder about his name, and what is he doing on the road, but you are not sure if it’s proper to ask. However, he asks first.

“What are you doing here? do you have a car?” he mumbles, his voice is as attractive as he is. His eyes scan the place, but nothing catches his attention.

“No, I am actually hijacking. No one stopped so I started walking before the sun starts going down. I definitely got scammed; the Airbnb I was supposed to stay in didn’t, in fact, exist.

He grunts, almost silently. Apparently he is not happy with what happened to you but that’s it.

“Well, that’s so unsafe. I am sorry I can’t give you a ride right now. Apparently none of us have been blessed with good luck today” he says, walking around his vehicle with long legs covered in spotted jeans.

You nod. Your tongue is aching to ask about him, but you clearly catch the hint… he doesn’t want you there.

“Yep. Well, I wish you luck! I must keep going” “Same to you, be careful”

He doesn’t even look at you, something that makes you -somehow- very sad. In any case, you start walking away. There is no point in staying there… even if you have great mechanical skills that could help.

And as you do, you also have a very, very loud consciousness voice screaming at you on how could you leave him with no solution if you know it…

“Sir, you should check your water level…”  you shout, a few meters away from him. The sound of your voice echoes in the huge natural immensity of the Alps and his golden eyes finally fall upon you.

He stops moving for some seconds, lost in you. You, as well, wait for him to say something else. Something like “stay with me” or “don’t go”. A total stranger you want to hang up with. A total unknown woman he wants to protect.

“You know how to fix this?” “I do…”

Or so that was what you thought.  

No more than a couple of minutes took you to help him out. VW vans are noble machines; they are durable and easy to fix despite their particular design. And soon, as a part of your payment, the man that you learned is called Law and you drove away through intricate roads and huge snowflakes.

“Where are you going, (Name)-ya?” he asks, handing you an old cover from an old comic, Germa 66.

“I was supposed to stay for a couple of days in Bad Goisern, and then I thought of visiting Salzburg. I am on a long trip through Europe. What about you?”  you ask, cuddling with the blanket. A certain blessing for your freezing hands.

He nods, checking the breaks before going down the hill.

“I am too. I just graduated medical school and I thought of taking a little vacation before my residency starts. I’m going to be a surgeon. A cardiac surgeon” he tells, full of dreams he fails to cover up behind a tough guy expression.

You celebrate his success, and the next couple of hours become a ping pong of questions and answers. A smile on your face that leaves your cheeks hurting accompanies you until the sun hides and the little lights on the mountains start to scatter.

You didn’t want to go down in the first village, nor the second, nor the third. Law, didn’t want you to go down his van either. You named Salzburg, and he promised you to take you there.

But the night found both of you, and apparently your mechanical skills weren’t as good as you thought the would… Polar decided to stop, in the middle of nowhere during a dark, very dark winter night.

You close your eyes as the sound of rusty gears fail and Law’s annoyance grows stronger than ever. When Polar finally loses all of the power, Law manages to agonizingly park on the side of the road and a huge sighs escapes his lips.

You peak through your left eye; his DEATH tattooed fingers squeeze the wheel, and you know he will snap at any moment. But he doesn’t…

“I’m sorry. I thought- I-“ you try to give a plausible apologize, even though you had nothing to do with it.

“No. It is not your fault… it is mine- As we didn’t stop, I have completely forgotten to fuel Polar up” Law says, absolutely mortified for such stupid mistake. Apparently you were enough distraction to keep him from the basics of road tripping.

You breath alleviated and try to stop your upcoming laughter. Your grimacing did nothing to hide it, and a big burst of laughter took over the van and everything around.

Law looks at you pissed, but a soft smirk garnishes his lips. You can’t stop, perhaps it isn’t that funny… but you feel so happy right now. And you have no idea why, since you are literally stranded in a very dark wood with temperatures below 0C and snow pooling on top of that van.

“Welp, it’s ok. We should wait until tomorrow, then” you say, knowing the risks. “You- you prefer spending the night in here? aren’t you afraid of dying?” he asks, surprised.

“I am, in fact, scared of dying. That’s why I know very well I can’t walk during a snowstorm in the middle of the night in the Alps. Plus, you are too sweet to be considered a threat” you joke, searching for some chocolate inside your backpack.

Law narrows his eyes, deepening his frown. Apparently being called “sweet” and “not a threat” is not something he enjoys.

“I could cut you open and took all of your organs out during the night” he says, serious as hell. “Go for it. Don’t forget to steal my heart, doctor” you laugh, taking your jacket off.

Law is flabbergasted; he has never confronted someone like you before… but he is beginning to like it now.

A bar of chocolate that you had kept in your backpack for too long lays too close to his nose. You shake it, offering its sweetness to him.

He takes it but doesn’t eat it. Instead, his hand gets pressed against the window behind you. Law has pinned you against the door of your side. He is not a very muscular man, but he is indeed very tall and lean… if he wanted, he could do anything to you.

Your eyes widen, big as the moon. You swallow, thinking maybe walking through the forest might be a safer option.

“L-Law… I- didn’t mean to-“ you tremble, asking yourself where did you put the Victorinox blade you bought in Switzerland… it should be enough to defend yourself, right?

You notice his chest is also tattooed as his clothes open just a little. His arms, are too. His scent, despite the danger, smells deliciously tempting…

“Don’t trust strangers that easily, (Name)-ya” he whispers, a few centimetres from your lips. Letting you go after and biting the chocolate bar as if nothing has just happened.

You remain there, frozen up with your eyes widen and your lips softly trembling. He is, in fact, very right. Law is indeed a stranger, after all.

When oxygen finally begins to reach your lungs and brain again, you move and blink the dry eyes away. Silently you sit back, properly. You aren’t able to say anything, somehow you have run out of words.

You squeeze the blanket he gave you, covering you as much as you could, making yourself as tiny as possible on that old leather seat.

“Are you ok?” he asks, so nonchalantly.

“Ye-yes, I’m… ok” you mumble back, almost sticking yourself to the passenger door. “Is it ok if I go to sleep? I’m tired”

Law nods, confused. Maybe he was just joking around, but it did scare you big time. He goes down the van and opens the back doors. You look at him disappearing in the darkness until a very little glimpse of silver light coming from the moon filters through the doors.

But, soon after, fairy lights illuminate the back allowing you to discover a very cozy space behind the front seats.

“I am glad I installed this independently from the fuel tank. I have a little power generator for the back. It’s not a hotel bed, but it does the job” he says, showing you a precarious mattress covering the entire floor of the vehicle.

You smile softly, it looks cozy and pretty. The walls are full of random posters and maps, and there is even an old picture of a younger Law with three more guys wearing fancy hats with something written in the snow. You take a closer look at it, to discover it says, “Pirates of Heart” and you giggle. What a peculiar gang name.

“Law, this is really cute. You even have a lot of blankets and cushions!” you chime, easing a little bit.

“My best friend Bepo decorated it for me, I only helped him with the lights” he says, a little embarrassed.

You jump right back, leaving your backpack in the front seat and forgetting everything for the moment. What a reckless lover girl.

“I am going to sleep in the front seat, don’t worry. Use as many blankets as you need” he informs you, closing the back doors and leaving you there. You most probably were to say “no, stay here” but you simply couldn’t.

After all, this tattooed doctor is a gentleman. Right?

You let yourself rest for a bit on that improvised bed, with your sight blurring while looking at the fairy lights. The scent of the blankets and pillows is the same as him, something you secretly enjoy without even knowing. You catch a glimpse of the reflection of him sitting in the front through the back windows, at how he takes his hat off revealing a dark shade of onyx spiky hair.

For the next half an hour, or maybe less, you both become silent. The only sounds are the huge slaps of snow falling from the sky against the van and the subtle whistle of the wind filtering through the doors.

It is cold, but it’s probably colder in the front as Law is only using his Germa 66 blanket to cover up…

“Law? Are you awake?” you ask, shyly.

“Mh? Yes... why?” he asks back, with not much emotion but a soft tremble on his voice. He is probably cold, very cold.

“I feel bad for you; you must be freezing. There is plenty of room back here, you could sleep here. It’s ok with me” you say, taking advantage of not being in front of him.

Law takes a few minutes to move, but he ultimately does. He hops to where you are and sits there crossing his long legs. He is not wearing his black leather boots, so you can see Sora’s socks.

“Cool socks” you say, sitting right in front of him watching his cheeks go blushed. “Here, cover up. You are freezing, doc”

Both of you cover up with heavy blankets and fall into the mattress at the same time, facing each other.

Maybe, it is too strong to deny it. The attraction is natural, and you both can’t stop it… Exactly like the wind and cold reaching your skins.

“I am still cold” you mumble.

“I read in one of my books that the best way to keep the warmth of our bodies is to share it… skin to skin” he whispers, unable to take his eyes away from your lips.

“Is that so?” you breathe, coming closer to his embrace, allowing his arms to surround your frame and your hips to join with the other’s.

His forehead slowly touches yours, the bridge of your noses do as well. Your fingers, playfully but slowly, crawl to the crook of his neck. While his, squeeze your waist with delicate dominance. A leg that snake into the other’s, crossing, tangling…

Lips coming closer, so close. Breaths warming up, going faster and bumpy. Hearts that indeed had been stolen, the first kiss of two strangers, meeting for the very first time like two snowflakes join while falling from an endless sky

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤWill they continue their journey together? 🦢

[alicerosejensen]

Find me

Warning: mention of blood, violence (physical and psychological), mention of viruses, parasites, zombies; kidnapping; the reader has a slight anemia; Fem/reader; established relationship with Leon.

Synopsis: You could have a quiet wedding and a good life with the person you love most in the world. Leon was ready to protect you to the death from his enemies and viruses but… it seems that someone is also interested in you. And the price for life will be very high.

A/N: The idea from this post that I wrote about quite a long time ago. "Together forever" I'm not very good at writing (apparently the Yandere theme is not mine, no matter how much I like it). So I'm going to try this plot. I don't know how many parts there will be, but if everything goes well, then probably a lot (maybe 10-12 or so). I hope someone likes it because I have serious notes on this work in my notebook, as if these are sketches for the 9th part of the resident).

Tags will be added to the following parts. I was very much inspired by the remaster and Haunting ground when I was taking notes. After all, both games were made by Capcom.

Feedback is welcome (but no insults!)

Sometimes the worst horror happens in the name of love. It's not the worst plot for books, films or paintings that are more than a hundred years old and it's impossible not to admit that sometimes we want to be loved until our death.

And maybe after it.

The words sound soft, with a slight taste of regret, as if somewhere between the letters there is a treacherous "I'm sorry". But in fact it was so predictable. Leon hugs you too tightly, experiencing an inexhaustible sense of guilt, because he promised to decide together where you will spend your honeymoon, which is unlikely to last exactly a month, he promised to watch a movie with you that you have been planning for a long time and… and everything went to hell.

Leon nuzzles your cheek and devoutly kisses you gently, leaving a wet trail with his eyes closed. Another sign of his eternal love, his lips are imprinted on the bridge of your nose, making you smile from the slight tickle caused by his stubble. He had no power over not being called to work for at least another week, but the government is not interested in the personal life of his best agent. And yet you enjoy the way he puts his arm around your waist, holding you as tightly as he can.

"Okay, Mr. Kennedy," you joke kindly, inhaling the almost faded scent of his cologne. "I forgive you, once again. Run to save the world" You smile looking into his crystal blue eyes filled with sadness and longing.

"I promise that I will ask the authorities for a good vacation," Leon swears very sensually, continuing to hold you tightly in his hands and look with those puppy eyes from which the soul is torn apart and kisses again this time on the forehead, "If necessary, I will harness Ingrit and no one will bother us. We'll plan everything the way you want, even if it's a tour of all the castles in Europe"

You laugh sincerely, removing the bangs from his face, hoping to stretch the moment of intimacy with him longer. It was so warm and safe next to him that you snuggled up to his chest and he gently cradled you in his arms like a child.

"Don't do anything stupid in my absence"

"I still need to do an exhibition and maybe I'll finally clean up the bookcase," you lie knowing full well that the books will still lie randomly on the shelves and you won't even touch them. Actually, your work was the only thing that could save you from the all-consuming longing for Leon.

"Be careful, okay?" with some hidden fear, he asks, reluctantly releasing you from the ring of embraces. "I'll call as soon as I get a free minute and I'll really be back soon"

Leon is already out on the street and you follow him with a sad look, noticing some dark car to the side. Rightly deciding that they came for him, you lower your head, sighing heavily and literally taken aback when Leon's lips abruptly cover yours with a demanding and somewhat rude kiss that you forget how to breathe. At some point you try to seize the initiative, but strong hands push you against the wall and you hit the back of your head a little painfully, allowing him to dominate. As always.

"I would eat you right here," Leon said sarcastically and quietly stroking your hips, "But I really have to go."

And you silently bite your lower lip while watching him move away from you and get on his bike.

Well, that cool car wasn't for him, but this thought quickly leaves your head and in the end, tired of standing on the street, you just go back into the house, closing the door, grabbing the phone and immediately sending him an impatient "I miss you already." However, this does not prevent you from also ordering food with home delivery and watching some movie to pass the evening that was hopelessly spoiled.

The evening really became disgusting, neither delicious food saved him, nor a good movie will save him.

"Complete shit" a quiet curse came off your lips when you looked at the phone screen for the hundredth time in the evening and endlessly reread Leon's last message "My love…" which seems to have been imbued with such despair that tears came to your eyes. He was like a big kid who couldn't live a day without you and besides, only with you his sleep was like a more or less healthy one. You were his only light and he wanted that light to stay with him forever. Well, you could send him a hundred more messages, but it's unlikely that he will have the opportunity to read them in the next few hours or even days. So with bitterness, you just turned off the TV and went to the bathroom to get ready for an earlier than usual sleep.

Hot water pleasantly calmed and warmed the skin flowing down the body. You spent 15 minutes in the shower, brushing your teeth and doing all the usual and favorite cosmetic procedures, smeared your body with a lotion with a pleasant floral scent, waiting for it to soak into pale skin. The mood even improved a little when you changed into pajamas and straightened the bed once more before putting your head on the pillow and looking at the phone.

Nothing.

There's no point blaming Leon or doubting his love. It wasn't up to him. Sometimes he was dragged out of bed late at night and you could not see him for weeks without even being able to talk on the phone for one minute. But when he returned, he turned into a puppy clinging to his beloved owner and covered your body with a lot of kisses, not letting you get out of bed. Not that you mind… You always miss him and worry about him.

Sighing, you turn over on your side, putting the phone on the bedside table and not seeing the desired message from your fiance. Therefore, grabbing Leon's pillow, the lungs are filled with his smell and instead of feeling his presence, you experience only a deep feeling tearing apart that makes your heart beat a little faster.

And closing your eyes, you reach for the switch, when suddenly for a second the phone quickly notifies you of a new message from the addressee next to whose name the heart turns red.

"Don't forget to take the pills that the doctor prescribed for you. I want this sickly pallor to disappear. Love you"

Well, smiling, you took a screenshot of the message for some reason, saving it in your gallery on your phone. After sending Leon the answer, you still remembered that you really forgot about those pills once again, but you didn't want to get up anymore, so you left this matter for the morning. Sighing once again, trying his luck in the hope that Leon would write something else, your mobile was treacherously silent while you were just flipping through the social media feed.networks thinking only about how dependent you are on this man. However, the same can be said about him. The phone went out, as did the light in the bedroom, and sleep slowly overtook your mind when you hugged else's pillow without hearing quiet footsteps in the next room. The uninvited guest, thanks to Leon, had to tinker a lot with the lock of the front door before he unlocked it, quietly closing it behind him so as not to attract your attention while you were in the shower. Merging with the surrounding darkness, it was necessary to wait for the right time and prepare the syringe so that everything went as it should and the target was quietly neutralized without attracting the attention of neighbors.

The order was well paid and the fact that Leon left the house on that day was only to his advantage. After all, a government agent can ruin everything and getting rid of him threatened big problems that were not needed by anyone, but who will remember about his pretty bride, about whom he will probably quickly forget everything himself? The unknown person only needed to stick a pomeranian, inject the substance and quietly take the target out of the house by throwing a fake note with a handwriting similar to yours that you and Leon do not see the future for yourself. Pick up a few personal items and throw them in the nearest trash as proof of the truthful departure of the unfaithful bride.

Not the worst plan, especially since Leon Kennedy will think about your disappearance and how natural it is, no one really cares. Even if he suspects this ill-conceived plan, by that time you will be too far away from here anyway.

The problem was solved by itself because you are a simple art worker did not pose any threat even if you tried to resist. One step, two… the blessed victim will not suspect anything until the very moment when someone else's hand in a black glove closes her mouth and sticks a needle into her body. You fall asleep without suspecting anything, somehow reflexively reaching to the left side where Leon usually sleeps with his back to the bedroom door.

You are separated by literally a few meters from each other before one inept movement spoils everything.

The sound of falling books that Leon has been asking you to arrange exactly for so long makes you open your eyes by squeezing the pillowcase of the pillow and the "guest" freeze without touching the door handle. However, you felt a gaze on you that did not let you be deceived that someone had entered the house.

In Leon's bedside table there is a 9mm pistol fully loaded. It's not that you were very accurate, but Leon took you to a place as entertainment, where you trained shooting at targets under the watchful eye.

"not the worst result for a beginner," he said condescendingly so as not to upset you, but it was fun even if the gun was real.

Except now there are no jokes! You heard another step towards your side and held your breath, gathering strength for a jerk to pull out the gun and remove it from the safety. From fear, the heart beat faster, causing the blood to roar in your ears and before the intruder's hand landed on your face, you abruptly rolled to the left side of the bed, throwing a pillow at the person standing over you, winning for yourself a couple of seconds from his confusion.

Jumping to your feet, you quickly grabbed the gun pointing it at the man with trembling hands, removing it from the safety.

"Your own life is more expensive," you thought when a man of impressive size in a mask stood a meter away from you without a weapon, because his goal is to deliver you alive because you will not be of any use dead.

You held his floor at gunpoint, but your hands were shaking from the unusual weight and you really wanted to lower them down, but you held on trying not to panic. A step towards you and you pulled the trigger without aiming so stupidly hitting the closet, startled by the loud noise of the shot, immediately shrinking and from unaccustomed frightened by the strong recoil of the weapon.

"Fuck," he swore loudly, immediately rushing to you, forcing you to scream at the top of your voice while miraculously dodging. Rushing to the door, the first thought was to run outside and ask for help from neighbors, especially since the sound of a gunshot and a woman's scream certainly did not go unnoticed and someone probably should have already called the police. We just need to hold out. However, you only managed to jump out into the corridor when suddenly a strong man's hand roughly grabbed you by the hand in which you were holding a gun and your finger pressed the hook again making a shot.

Again a loud noise, your screams and a small hole in the ceiling.

Again the bullet flew by.

"Get off me, you bastard!"

A ringing slap in the face and you abruptly fell to the floor dropping the gun somewhere to the side. He immediately hung over you, but grabbing the first book that came to hand, you threw it in her man's face and taking advantage of another hitch jumped to her feet, running on without thinking about how much lip hurts.

And yet, the chances of escape were initially small, especially when shortness of breath began due to anemia and the chest began to ache sharply. A deep breath did not help even if your body was filled with adrenaline, he still knocked you to the floor, pressing your whole body to the floor, taking that ill-fated syringe out of your pocket and sticking it into you by quickly pressing the plunger . It only takes a few minutes, but because of your screams and shots, even they could put the entire mission under the "failed" icon, so without wasting even these precious minutes, the kidnapper grabs you by the hair and just hits your head on the floor suppressing resistance at the root. The world before your eyes becomes hazy and barely audible when a strange and unusual feeling of lightness covers you despite the pain in your head.

"Bitch ruined everything"

This bastard threw you over his shoulder and quickly ran out of the house, leaving the syringe lying there on the floor because there was no more time. Throwing you carelessly like a sack into the backseat, he slammed the door and gave gas to get away from the crime scene as soon as possible and dump the tail by moving to another car. They'll pay him well anyway.

You only blurred vision being on the verge of consciousness silently watched your loss until a long sleep covered you.

[ateez-himari]

Hi bb how are you??? it's been a really long time since I've popped into your inbox but you know what's going on , I'm a little bit better and I'm doing well now and I hope it stays that way!!! I had a couple of questions as usual😔😔and I'm here to ask away

1-did Mimi go to mingi's Autobahn shoot and did he go to her shoot with sleep token? I need to know cause they better not have used the bathroom again

2-did Mimi film the challenge with hobi and San or did she film one with only hobi? And did she and any other HYBE artist film any other challenge?

3-ive wanted to ask this question and since xikers is having a comeback it's the best time to ask this, has Mimi ever produced or composed any of xikers songs? Or she participating in their new cb?

4- is Mimi getting into any scandals these past few weeks or like this year as a whole?

5-last question I promise , hypothetically if ateez had a cb soon would there be a duet song between Mimi and mingles?

I love you so much bb please take care of yourself and stay hydrated and also eat well!!!😚

Hi my sweet, it's so good to see you in my inbox again! 🥰 I'm so glad you're doing better, I hope you're getting everything you need right now 🩷 As usual your questions really catch me off guard but you rebooted my imagination!

• Hima tries to attend every member's solo shoot no matter what the project is, so even with other schedules she went to see her boyfriend!! Unfortunately for him though she was slightly too busy making friends with Yunmin...but that whole leather jacket outfit definitely did something so she bough him one right after

The Sleep Token project happened over their Europe tour so she was flying to see them in between schedules and asked Mingi to stay with the other members so that he could rest, she didn't want him to exhaust himself simply to support her. Kind of a good thing he stayed back because possessive Mingi and whipped Vessel wouldn't have mixed very well together...

• Our sunshines filmed the challenge alone during their first time out together after the tour, they also danced to a few other songs; Mona Lisa, Mic Drop, Idol, DNA, Burning Up (Fire), Danger and Anpanman (in all fairness they were left without any supervision and unrestricted access to his TikTok account). The Seventeen group chat also found out that she was in the building so Hoshi and Woozi went to film '96ers' and 'Stupid Idiot' with her!

• Hima has been involved in producing every Xikers album but didn't participate much in 'Watch Out' aside from working on 'Bittersweet' due to health issues. They assumed that she wouldn't be working on this comeback either due to the influx of personal schedules but were happy to hear that their favorite noona was going to be in the producing chair once more!

Extra Information; Zico has been working with the maknae since BoyNextDoor's debut album and the members were very sad when their seniors sat them down to have the same conversation about the possibility of Himari having to step back for a little while. When her condition was well enough for her to work with them again they forced their CEO to buy lunch for everyone in order to celebrate

• The scandals mainly revolved around her closeness with certain male idols since some people don't understand where the boundaries lie in her romantic relationship. Mingi understands that his girlfriend is a very loving person, so physical contact such as hugs or simple touches to the arm don't mean much towards others, but from an outside perspective her friendships with certain people can seem 'too close' due to interactions between male and female idols being quite rare

There's been another one recently though with the press conferences held by Chairman Bang where people believe that the 'proof' shown by the vocalist regarding plagiarism/theft were all fabricated simply to try and take out some of the group's competition. Don't worry, the rumors will be addressed very soon 🫣

• Since they're in a romantic relationship while in the same group they have to find the balance between work and personal life which is why they haven't had any collaborative works, but they would definitely make a song together on an album if the chance arose! With the different routes they've been going down when it comes to genres it's hard to tell what it would be though 🤭

I love you so much more my sweet!! 💐💕 You take care of yourself for me too! Get plenty of sleep, food and water, and I hope you get some time to focus on things that make you feel better/happy 😘🌸

[bisonaari]

Käärijä Summer Camp report

I don't really come here anymore and I don't think I'll be back anytime soon, but I still wanted to make a post about this! It's probably gonna be pretty long hahaha

Last time I travelled with my husband, but this time with the amount of things to do and people to meet, he preferred staying at home and took care of our little balcony garden <3 Thanks to him we now have a full ass jungle on our balcony lol

My flights were really uneventful. My first flight to europe was so empty that I had a full row to myself so I could have some good sleep time (albeit a bit uncomfy lol, plane seats are so hard), but that was it.

When I got to Helsinki, I was welcomed by a bunch of GOOFS omg

@mitamicah @j-restlessgeek @teal-skull @katinkulta @clovermoonspell and her friend from Norway were all there, Micah and Susanna arriving a bit earlier than me. We all went to the place I was going to share with Missy, Susanna and @kaarijalist for the next two days.

Those people. Are the best. I fucking love them so much you have no idea. Everyone I'll tag in this post is an absolute cutie that I love but I'LL SAY IT EVERYTIME Skull gave me my birthday present in advance and I just BWAAAAAHH that was so sweet ;A; It was a Jukka autograph that they got for me back in Böle (now framed in my living room ehehehe) and a custom bracelet for me, inspired by my kääryle tattoo ;A; I loved it so ridiculously much it was ADORABLE

I learnt later that day that I wouldn't be able to meet @likearainbowinthedark until much later in my trip and it was a bit sad, I really missed them ;A; Friendship at first sight during february, and now I have to wait MORE to see their face again??? UNFAIR!! And also I had made little crochet frogs for them and their wife ohoho I couldn't wait to give them to their new owners <3

We also met with @formulalakana and @carpblu at a cafe during the afternoon! I was a bit burnt out by the whole you know… flying 12 hours thingie, so I ended up going back to our place but it was still lovely meeting with them they are amazing people!!

The day after that was the actual Summer Camp meet up day!! We all met at the mural together with many people already tagged here, but also @jaarijani @smimon @icbimakb and @tuherrus !! I can't believe that we just started to talk on tumblr and we were all there???? In person??? In front of that stupid Käärijä mural, exchanging bracelets and laughing together? That was just amazing

After a group picture, it was raining too much to have a proper picnic, so we went to the Tikkurila library to actually have some time to hangout and share snacks and gifts from our countries, and draw on each other's clothes and notebooks hahaha. A really, really lovely time with everyone, I'm so happy it went so well. On one side of the room was the Summer Camp flag that Skull had made, and to me it was perfect.

I also was sitting next to icbimakb and I had some time to nerd out to them because they're my fav artist of all time and they let me look at their sketchbook and it was an honor and I don't think that my eyes will ever recover from looking at so much beautiful art. @shirtlessradfahrer arrived at about that time as well.

A bit later we were joined by @follivora @wednesdayday @king-krisu and @khihi !! They didn't stay long but it was fun to finally meet after seeing them on tumblr for such a long time !! Some of us went to queuing, the rest of us stayed to clean up and we went to the venue a bit later <3

The Backas gig was one of the greatest moments of my life. Seriously. Everything went SO WELL??? Missy, Susanna and I headed out to the vip area for the pre show meal, and the food was amazing seriously. I wish I could have eaten about 3000 more of those fucking potatoes they were INCREDIBLE. We were looking at people running for barricade with tenderness hahaha, like "Look at our children <3 So much energy". Then suddenly, Missy spotted him. The Häärijä. Chatting to people next to the merch booth. She had to stop eating immediately because she had gifts to give him, and there might not be any other occasion to do so. I also handed her the fanzines because I'm a bit too shy and I don't have anything to say to Häärijä hahaha.

Part of my Backas report in a previous post ! I'll just focus on the untold parts here

At the venue it was time to meet @hyviihommi and @omppupiiras and also @blatantlyhidden and @because-its-eurovision !!! And wait also @tmrwds and @taidotonheiluja and some more people that I don't know the url of but I know are fellow tumblr users!!

I can't say how much I loved this gig. Hugo was really great, he looks so much like jere when he was younger hahaha. Käärijä was in SUCH a great mood, he was smiling so much and having the time of his life being on stage that day I don't think I'll ever recover. It felt so good being there and having an artist in front of us who was having a blast. I was dancing with Skull and Missy (my immediate neighbours hahaha), looking at Micah and Carpblu having a blast in front of us, enjoying the music that I had been listening for more than a year now with other people who also loved the same music. It was such an experience I will never forget this. We also got Paidaton riehuja!! I did remove my shirt hahaha. If I wasn't wearing a mesh shirt and a bra I would have gone full tits out hahaha, but it was too much of a hassle. But it was SO FUN being able to take part in this!!!

I don't usually listen to It's Crazy It's Party, but live?? It's seriously top 10 of the greatest moments of my life. Seeing everyone around me going fucking insane was incredible and I wish I could go back to those moments.

After the show, we stayed around a bit to chat more. We took another group picture, who is absolutely perfect and I will cherish forever.

Our little group went back to our appartment by taxi and we missed the occasion to say taksit on jo pihalla I'm very disappointed smh

We were already losing our minds because of how well the meetup and the gig went and everyone getting to see their blorbos and have pictures and chats with them, when Missy looked at her phone and SCREAMED because Häärijä had made a story with the fanzine holy shit. You don't know how fucking proud I was. I think I looked at it for 5 hours straight hahaha. He doesn't know how a video that probably took him 5 minutes to film and post made every artist's day it was INCREDIBLE.

(this is a terrible selfie but whatever HAHAHA)

On thursday, it was matching tattoos time!! I am now the proud owner of a pineapple tattoo, matching with Missy, Jay, Cass and Micah. I am ridiculously happy to have it. I feel like we really are a weird family and I found my people. I love it so, so much.

Got to meet with @pianist-chan that day as well!! We all had a lovely picnic together as a group in a park, then one song at a karaoke bar! Micah and I didn't vibe with the bar so after a huge peak of anxiety we all decided to leave hahaha. It was lovely hanging out with everyone anyway so whatever hahaha.

Friday was the Allas gig!! I met up with the gang in the morning to go eat breakfast together, and we ended up getting @hika-chachachan at the same time after we both discovered that we're not the only french fan here HAHAHA. Sorry for everyone with us, we spoke in french most of the meal time because it was fun not having to speak in english for a short time hahaha. Later that day, we took a picture making the JUL sign, the only correct pose for cringe french people uWu

Then I went back to my hostel for a nice nap, got some food with Kat and then finally joined the queue one hour before doors. (I got to see @izpira-se-zlato and @n3ongold3n there! And also I could hug Bec again 💚) We got a pretty nice spot so I'm not disappointed! Although this time Jukka didn't notice me but it's fine I can't win everytime hahaha. The gig was also a lot of fun, nothing much to say here! I didn't realize at that time that it was my last time of this trip seeing Elsa, and I only fully realized it after she left :' ( I would have hugged you a lot harder hahaha

Saturday, Benjamin Peltonen and Erika Vikman gig with the kcord gang!! Before that I went to eat lunch with Cass!! It was sad saying bye, but I really had a fun time with them ;A; <3

I was super late for the gig and arrived after doors because that one guy in my hostel didn't realize that THERE IS ONLY ONE TUMBLE DRYER FOR THE ENTIRE HOSTEL DON'T LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AFTER THEY'RE DONE. URGH. He told me he just went to take a shower because it was taking too long WATCH YOUR GODDAMN CLOTHES MY DUDE I was so annoyed hahaha

Another session of meeting up with new people! This time I got to chat with @labda-kesho @beesgobzzzing and @dragon0blood and some more people I don't know the url of!! Anyway we had a great time! Benjamin looks like an angel, and Erika is…… you know how Erika is I don't need to tell yall HAHAHA. Everything would have been perfect without the extremely drunk girls around us spilling their drinks everywhere and literally falling on people. They had to be escorted out during Erika's part because they were way too annoying for everyone.

On sunday I FINALLY MET WITH EKO YIPPIE IT WAS TIME. I went to visit them in Espoo and ended up staying chatting with them for like 5 hours big oops hahaha we get along so well it felt like 10 minutes ;A; It was also my first time taking the bus by myself in Finland like a big girl!!! For the tram Elsa helped me so I could take it alone after she showed me how to, but the bus to another city?? That was a first one my mother is very proud

Monday, I went to Suomenlinna! When I lived in France 20 years ago, I lived right next to the ocean in a coastal city. Then we moved inland in Canada and you don't know how much I miss the ocean every single day. It's the #1 thing I miss about living in France, so I HAD to go to Suomenlinna. First of all, being on a boat again was so great, I really had missed that. It reminded me of the ferries I used to go on to travelfrom my dad's place to my grandma's place. Great times hahaha. Then I just wandered around for three hours, minding my own business and avoiding people hahaha. I sat next to the sea listening to the waves for hours. And it was the BEST. I think it cured me of 28 mental illnesses I didn't know I had.

On tuesday, I met with Eko once again but in Helsinki this time! We went to get tea together and chatted for another couple of hours HAHAHA. Teemaa in Helsinki is a lovely tea shop and you should definitely go!! I also went to the Skywheel on my way back I just HAD to yknow, Käärijä tourism

After I got back to the hostel, it was packing time to leave Helsinki for other horizons.

PART 2: OUTSIDE OF THE CIRCLE

My next stop was Oulu! So I headed out to the train station on wednesday morning to go on a 6 hours journey hahaha. At least it was a direct train, and the guy next to me was only here from Tampere to Seinäjoki, so I still had quite a lot of space for myself.

Once in Oulu, I was staying with @theplantbish and her partner. I cannot say how much I love her. There are not enough words to express this. The other people I immediately fell in love with I had already met them prior, so no surprises here! (Yall know who you are hahaha) But it was our first time meeting and it was like we already knew each other from 25 years ago. We went from total strangers to great friends in about 5 seconds, and then it took two days to have heartfelt late night conversations crying in each other's arms lol. Anyway this whole paragraph is a love letter to Plant you are amazing and I love you. I can't believe that in two weeks we got to talking on a daily basis hahaha.

Anyway, we also met with @gaysontoast because we went to pick them at the airport and WOW what a tornado of bubbliness <3 They were absolutely wonderful to have as a roommate!! (and they sleep like the dead hahaha)

In the afternoon it was my first time meeting with @submariini and @ravensofskyhold as well! I'm scared that I will run out of available tag spaces like you can only tag 50 people per post lemme count a sec ok we're at 33 still good (but absolutely ridiculous that I got to meet 33 people from tumblr in the same week??? what happened to not meeting strangers from the internet lol) but anyway all lovely people!!

The day after, it was finally time for Suomipop!! In the morning we went to pick @punanenmarli from the train station! Plant and her got back to Plant's place walking hand in hand and it was the fucking cutest shit I had ever seen ;A;

We then met at suomipop for Bess! HOLY SHIT IS THAT WOMAN GORGEOUS??? HOW DARE SHE??? WHEN SHE EMPTIED THE WATER BOTTLE ON HER HEAD I JUST

anyway I was completely normal about this show. Hm. So normal. Even during the french part in Lähtee käsistä. So. Normal.

The others wanted to go see Kuumaa during the evening and I would have loved to as well, but it was raining, I was drenched and cold and miserable and instead just headed back to Plant's place where I was soooo normal about Bess.

On friday, it was my birthday, yippie!!! The clowns from kcord (NOT PEJORATIVE IT'S THEIR NAME OK) got me a card that they all signed and I loved it so much a a a a a a ;A;

We wanted front row for the Käärijä gig later in the evening, so we were there at doors and immediately went front row, which meant that we also got to listen to Viivi and Yö ! Tbh, I really liked Yö, I understand why they're a legendary band hahaha.

However, between the two shows, Plant came back to our group and told me that Jukka. Sorsa. Was. Hanging out. In the VIP section. Which we didn't have access to lol. So we ended up just watching him from afar, when I noticed that he and his friends were leaving the VIP section and crossing the festival area. I told it to Plant who asked me if I wanted to go see him but I was like naaaah I'm shy. So she asked if I wanted her to come with me and I immediately said yes HAHAHA. We went over his little group and when we arrived at about 10 feet from him we waved, and he immediately came to us to have a chat WHAT A MAN I LOVE HIM. I was so fucking awkward (leading to this great interaction… me: "I just wanted to say hi!" Jukka: "well… hi" AAAAAAA IT WAS SO AWKWARD LOL). He noticed the earrings I made out of the guitar plecs he gave me and reached for them sir excuse me do you want me dead hahaha. I didn't say much after that but we still got a picture together that Plant took for me ILYSM

I met with Kat, Lou and their friend just before the Käärijä show and it was amazing as usual. This man knows how to perform hahaha. WE ALSO HAD THIS WEIRD MID-SPEECH SHIT TALK??? JERE WH A T???

After Käärijä, we headed up towards the other stage to Kaija Koo. I was on my phone for I don't remember what, and Plant poked me to tell me "are you on your phone? how often in your life are you gonna see Kaija Koo live??" and she was so fucking right omg. I put my phone back in my pocket and it was absolutely great, got to hold hands with Plant while dancing, seriously amazing. One of my best birthdays ever if not THE best.

We had a meal at Hesburger after everything hahaha (I LOVE EVERYONE IN THIS HESBURGER), and in the not quite night of Oulu, to me everything felt so, so right.

Saturday, I got to see Kat and Lou again for souvenir shopping! I GOT THE FUCKING BEST MAGNET IT SAYS PASKA MAGNEETTI AND I'M FUCKING CRYING NO ONE AT HOME WILL GET THE REFERENCE BUT I DO AND THAT'S WHAT MATTERS LOL

I said bye to Kat after that but it's so ridiculous we live in the same country LOL I should visit Toronto at some point

At Suomipop, we got to see first Portion Boys and they were so full of energy what a show!!! Nothing can stop them, not the heat, not the wheelchair, NOTHING.

Smitten, Omega and I got to dip our feet in the water at the suomipop beach and it was so needed the sun was HOT that day. The fact that we weren't allowed more than our feet in the water was a tragedy though smh

After that, it was time to my beloved ARTTU WISKARI, I got into his stuff just before flying for Finland so I was delighted he was going to be at Suomipop!! Ed came with me to see him what a gentleman lol (seriously tho I really, really appreciate it!!)

Last suomipop show for me was Elastinen! While watching him I could only think that this was the most shark looking man I had ever seen HAHAHA.

After Elastinen, the group went to see Apulanta, while I went back to Plant's appartment to pack my suitcase, sadly.

On sunday, it was time to take the train again. Plant took me to the train station and we ended up crying so much hahaha I was a mess in the train. But if it hurt so much, it's because it was equally fun, and I can't wait to see her again.

I was headed to Tampere, then Turku! Skull escorted me to my Airbnb they're so lovely ;A; We talked together for about 6 hours lol before I had to leave to do some laundry. While my clothes were in the washing machine, we explored the k-market to find some Pirkka merch but it was all gone, so I just got a lovely @windows95man shirt hahaha. COME BACK TO TUMBLR TEEMU YOU BELONG WITH US

The day after I met with Skull again to buy some Posankka merch! Posankka…… my beloved…… the most beautiful pigduck of Finland <3 I got a reflector, in true finnish fashion hahaha. We then headed up to Luostarinmäki, an open air museum on finnish craftsmanship from the past. It was ridiculously interesting and we spent 3 hours where we only got to half of the museum LOL, we're nerds. Too bad…… I'll have to come back to Turku……… so sad

In the evening we watched TRAFIK and some more Powerwolf music videos, what a great evening holy shit

Interestingly enough, on tuesday I met up with… Skull again lol, they joined me in the park in the afternoon, we stayed here for 2 hours until we left to go to a student bar to get a lovely hot chocolate <3 It was absolutely delicious!

Wednesday, last day in Finland. I met up with, you have guessed, Skull again lmao. We headed to Vantaa (because I had a plane to take r i p).

Skull and I then headed to Arttu Wiskari's Allas gig. We were quite lucky as the rain had just stopped (btw Kallo I still have the rain poncho I stole from you lol it's in Canada now sorry).

We had so, so much fun. The gig was just really fun and light hearted, everyone knew the lyrics, and it was the best ending for an amazing trip. Nothing like dancing with your friend on good music!!

I hugged Skull and cried in the train. Familiar scene, lol. Me sobbing in trains in Finland. I love you so much Kallo.

There are no words left in my heart to express how loved I felt during these 17 days. I will be back. I promise. I can't bear to not go back when I left pieces of my soul with dear friends. Take care of them please, I'll be back to put some more of my soul in them. I love you. So very much. You made my life really bright for a short time, and knowing how good it can be to be alive I want to feel this again.

To all of you, who are my soulmates, my siblings, my loved ones, my beloved: thank you.

[ghostieboi1]

Lost Family Member

Copia x Male!Reader & Ghouls

Genre: SFW, angst, hurt, very little comfort

Summary: Copia and Male!Reader have been dating for a long time, the ghouls consider them parents even. The couple start talking seriously about settling down and even Copia retiring before he leaves for the last part of his tour, only to come back and have his dreams shattered.

Characters: Copia, Swiss, Sodo, Rain, Cirrus, Phantom, Aurora, Aether, Cumulus, Sunshine, Rain, Mountain, Phil (special guest for a special ghoul), Sister Imperator, Secondo, Terzo, Primo

Warnings: Death, major hurt, mentions of drugs that result in death, very little comfort, Sister Imperator and Phil (they deserve their own warnings for this one)

A/N: This one has been on my mind a bit because I wanted to write something sad but I'll admit, this kinda wasn't what I expected. This is also Sister Imperator's continuation of whatever her idea was with killing the three Emeritus brothers but taking it more personal, and I may have accidentally given her toxic mother in law vibes. I also cried while writing this so... GOOD LUCK!

Copia and you had been staying in bed all day, it was his short break in between doing his Europe tour and his USA tour. He didn't wanna do much and since most of his responsibilities were taken off his shoulders until the actual end of tour, he decided to just relax when he could.

You kept falling asleep and waking up randomly, your body had gotten plenty of enough sleep but the comfort both the bed and being cuddled by Copia made you sleepy. Neither of you got up other than using the bathroom or to get something to eat or drink, and neither of you planned on getting up today.

It was his last day before he had to catch a plan to head to the USA to finish up his tour, he wasn't gonna waste his time on something that demanded his attention and wanted his last day of break to be a relaxing one. He voiced his nervousness to you a few times, but that was all he would say when talking about the tour.

The day felt like it ended too soon as the night rolled in and Copia finally gave up on trying to stay awake and fell asleep for the night, you remained awake for a bit longer and cuddled him, hoping he'd sleep better so he was well rested enough to make his flight. Eventually, you fell asleep as well, your arms wrapped around his waist. You woke up the next day to an empty bed but a note was on Copia's pillow, you woke up a bit more before you read the note.

"Dear amore, I'm sorry we weren't able to say our farewells in person before I left but I couldn't disturb you when you were sleeping. As usual, I left behind one of my red jackets for you as you asked me to last time I went away. This tour will end up being a bit longer than last time but I assure you that I will be home eventually, and then we can start just being a family. All my love, Copia."

You couldn't help but smile while reading the letter, you sighed as you put the letter on your bedside table before deciding how you were going to spend your day today. Mostly you would either stay on yours and Copia's room doing whatever until he got back or you would go in about your day like normal, but since he was gonna be gone for a while, you could alternate between both.

The Ministry was very quiet without Copia and his ghouls, the Ministry was always a little bit quiet but it was eerily quiet without them. Copia always managed to call you after every ritual and check up on how you're doing, it was very sweet and sometimes he'd even fall asleep while on call. After a call with him after the LA show, you tried falling asleep.

Falling asleep without Copia was a bit hard for you, but you managed. You rolled over in your bed, now facing the door. Your eyes opened a bit and you saw a figure standing in the doorway, you didn't know who it was until the silhouette had a tail, now you knew it was a ghoul.

You didn't move, afraid to. The figure wasn't moving, just staring. You had always felt a bit vulnerable when Copia and the ghouls weren't around but now you really wished you had taken Copia's offer when he suggested that you join the tour with them.

The ghoul finally took a step closer, your heart pounding loudly in your chest. You tried to see if they were holding something but the darkness in the room made it hard to see anything, the lava lamp Copia bought giving very little light. You wanted to scream for help but you knew that sound didn't travel as fast as you would've needed it to in the Ministry and whoever this was would jump on you as soon as you made noise.

When the ghoul finally got close enough to you, you saw him holding a syringe. You didn't dare to question what was inside of it but you knew it wasn't good, that was when he tried to touch you. A small fight broke out between you two, you managed to knock the syringe out of his hand and it rolled away towards the bedroom door. The fight wasn't anything major other than you fighting for your life, you just needed to fend him off long enough for you to be able to run out of the room and to a dorm of siblings.

The ghoul managed to over-power you and someone rolled the syringe back to the ghoul, you weren't able to see them right away since you were panicking as the ghoul stuck the needle into your next and injected whatever liquid was in the syringe. The ghoul got off of you but you felt weak from both fighting and from whatever was just put into you.

You managed to roll onto your stomach and see who helped him, your eyes widened as Sister Imperator was ushering the ghoul out of the room. You tried to sit up but nothing was strong enough to keep you lifted long enough.

"Sister?" You managed to rasp out, catching her attention. "Why?"

She sighed before looking back at you. "I'm just doing what is best for the Clergy." Imperator simply stated before leaving the room, shutting the door behind her.

Copia grew worried his last couple show nights, you weren't answering his calls or texts. His ghouls noticed this and when they found out why he was so anxious, they talked to Aether and Sunshine, they still lived in the Ministry despite Sister Imperator wanting them gone.

Sunshine confirmed that she hadn't seen you in a while but thought you were just taking the relaxing time to yourself. Aether admitted to thinking that originally too but said that when he passed Copia's room yesterday, it felt too quiet. The ghouls decided not to tell Copia about anything the other two told them because it would've made him more anxious and try to cancel the rest of the shows just so he could come back home and see what was wrong.

Finally, the flight back home felt way longer than necessary due to everyone's anxiety about you. Copia honestly didn't know what to expect but he just hoped that you were okay, at least enough so he could be with you until further notice. What all of them didn't know was that Aether's feelings about this intensified and needed to know the answers, so on the day of their arrival, Aether went to Copia's room.

Upon initial arrival, Aether didn't notice anything that gave him info on your status. He gently knocked on the door, waiting for you to respond. When nothing came, he knocked again.

"Hey, it's Aether. You doing okay in there? Copia and the ghouls are coming back today." Aether called out, waiting for anything.

Nothing.

Aether gathered up the courage to open the door, he peeked inside the room before he noticed you on the ground, motionless. His heart dropped and he immediately was by your side, he shook your body and repeated your name, trying to get you to wake up. Finally he gave up and picked you up before bolting to the hospital wing, his mind was trying to think the worst but all he wanted to focus on right now was making sure you were okay.

Sunshine had sent him a text shortly after the doctors took you away, asking if everything was okay. Aether responded simply by texting.

"Wait by the main door. When they get here, lead them to the hospital wing."

Sunshine decided not to question and followed Aether's instructions, she ran the the main door and waited impatiently for the others to show up. When Copia and the other ghouls finally got there, she quickly told them all to just leave their luggage and to follow her. It was about you.

That was all that it took for Copia to follow very closely behind Sunshine, hoping his greatest fear didn't come true. Aether was pacing the waiting room and talked with them for a bit, telling all of them what he saw before a doctor came up to them.

"Is he okay?" Copia asked, his voice trembling a bit.

The doctor hesitated to respond, seeing as this was tearing all of them up inside. Finally he sighed before saying, "I'm sorry."

That was all it took for all of them. No one could help the tears that spilled out from their eyes. Copia was the first one to gather himself enough to further ask questions.

"What was the cause?" Copia asked, his voice laced in pain.

"We still don't know yet. We'll have to do an autopsy to pinpoint what it was." Silence was met with the doctor's answer. "I'm so sorry for your loss."

The doctor left, all of them had tears staining their faces. After a brief moment of silence, Sister Imperator walked into the hospital wing and saw them all standing there. She decided to wait until Copia came crawling to her to even touch the topic of your death, she quietly and quickly left the area and retreated back to her office.

The Saltarian, however, noticed this and decided to help them settle back home. He carried all their luggage back to their rooms without complaining and even showed some sympathy to Copia.

It wasn't even a full day since they got back and everyone was quiet, word spread throughout the Ministry and now everyone knew. You had been a part of a lot of peoples lives in the Ministry and you were well loved by everyone, some even claimed to say they wished you were their guardian of sorts. All of these words of mourn and condolences flooded Copia's and the ghouls' ears, they were the closest to you after-all.

Copia talked sternly about having a proper funeral for you with Sister Imperator, who originally believed you didn't need one. As soon as Copia was allowed to hold the funeral, he set everything up. When it came to knowing who you were both as a Brother of Sin and who you were prior to the Ministry, Copia knew everything. He spent hours picking photos you would've wanted on display for the funeral and picked all the flowers out, remembering the specific flower you liked. Ironically, Primo's old garden, that's now taken care of by Mountain, had just enough of the right flowers for this event.

The day of the funeral finally came, no one had a dry eye. Copia tried his best not to cry too much since he needed to be semi-professional and because he didn't want to smudge his Papal paints. Copia had hoped the first time he'd hold something for you within the church would be yours and his wedding, not your funeral. All the ghouls didn't wear their masks, it was a well known secret you had that you preferred the ghouls maskless and they wanted to keep to your wishes.

Sister Imperator didn't show up, but Copia didn't care. She had started becoming bitter to you once you and Copia started talking about marriage, this pissed Copia off beyond anyone's expectations. A short piano version of the song "Life Eternal" was played by Cumulus, she gently hit some wrong notes by accident but it didn't take a rocket scientist to simply glance over and see her eyes filled with tears.

Copia did the first speech, he had two, one as Papa Emeritus IV and one as Copia Emeritus. Some ghouls and some siblings held some speeches as well, Swiss' ended up being the second most gut punching speech besides Copia's. Swiss basically saw you as a parent, that you and Copia were his dads. Most of the other ghouls felt that way too but Swiss spent more time around you, he was clearly in pain by your untimely death.

It was one of your wishes to be cremated when you died, no one knew it would happen so soon but they all agreed to give you what you wanted. The funeral ended and then you were taken away to become ash, everyone mostly just went into their rooms to let out the rest of their feelings or to break the barrier that held during the whole event. At least, that's what all the ghouls did.

Swiss screamed into his pillow, Sodo almost broke his desk, Rain drew a bath for himself and refused to leave it, Mountain curled himself up into a ball and couldn't stop crying, Cirrus felt too numb to do anything, Cumulus kept being reminded of you.

The new ghouls, Phantom and Aurora didn't know how to handle these strong emotions. Phantom went to Aether for help, to which Aether calmed him down and said, "Sometimes it's okay to just feel things and not talk." Aether then proceeded to hold Phantom through the night. Aurora went to Sunshine, she couldn't talk but couldn't control her sobbing. All she was able to get out was, "I miss him." Sunshine broke down with Aurora and they just held each other.

Copia wasn't handling this any better. By now, he's gone through almost all the stages of grief but now his stuck on acceptance. He still didn't know the cause of your death, until two days after your funeral, the autopsy report was sent to him via email. You were drugged... just like his brothers.

After printing out the email, Copia marched his way to Sister Imperator's room. He barged into her office and demanded answers, she questioned why he went after her first, to which he laid down plenty of explanations that were all valid. Before she could ask anything else, he slammed the printed paper down in front of her and demanded to know what was happening. She remained silent for a bit before say how her intentions were good, causing Copia to laugh like he was losing his mind.

"What makes you think killing has good intention?!" Copia shouted, his eyes boring into Imperator's.

"We shouldn't be fighting over this." Imperator tried to excuse, but Copia wasn't having it.

"No! I want to know what the fuck happened to him while I was gone!" Copia demanded, this was the only time she's ever seen him get this mad.

"I just wanted you to continue the bloodline." Imperator admitted, she knew that he wasn't going to take this well.

Copia went silent, letting what she just said sink you. "You killed him in hopes I'd fuck around with a girl like my father?!" Copia asked, his voice starting soft but got louder at the end.

"Not exactly!" Imperator tried to justify, but to no avail.

"That was why you hated him! Hate to break it to you, but I was going to do the responsible thing and lay low and start an actual family with him. Maybe then I would've been able to do something I was proud of, not something I was forced to do." Copia explained, his heart completely shattering.

Imperator was at a loss for words, she knew that if word got out, she'd be hunted like a monster by the whole church. After Copia asked if she had anything else to fess up to and no response from Imperator, he left. He went back to his room and let everything go, all his rage, all his pain, and even his faith. The ghouls heard to commotion and went to check on him after it died down.

They found him sitting on his bed, his head in his hands as the room looked like a tornado just went through it. Swiss was the first to his side, making sure he didn't physically hurt himself both on accident or on purpose. Aether asked what was wrong and Copia explained, not holding the truth back. Now all the ghouls hated Imperator, and when the ghouls hated you, they didn't hide it.

"I need to speak with him." You said urgently, not paying any mind to the alive people around you.

"He already knows." Secondo's voice booms in the halls, louder than you expected.

You froze, tears brimming your eyes. Since your death, the three brothers have been helping you adjust. They had been here all this time but no one could see them, their coffins had been warded so their ghosts couldn't be seen. Your vase or box must've been similarly warded.

"Besides, regardless of what you do, nothing will work. We've all tried communicating with him." Terzo added, he had been one of the first dead Papa's to try and reconnect to the living.

"This isn't fair." You muttered, now staring at your hands that were a light shade of blue and a bit see through.

"Nothing will ever be fair—" Primo tried to comfort, but it didn't work.

"No, you don't understand. We were going to get married after he got back. He promised me, he even bought a ring when he was in America, he showed me one that he was thinking about." You explained, the tears left your eyes but didn't go anywhere else.

The three all looked saddened by this, silence filled the room you were in. They had overheard from the afterlife that you and Copia were talking about settling down but they weren't aware that plans had been set in stone.

"I at least have to see him, I need to know he's okay." You muttered, all three of them quickly glanced at each other before nodding.

"You can stay next to him for as long as you need to, he won't know you're there, but if you're lucky enough, he might feel your presence." Terzo explained, he wanted to give you as much information about being a ghost as he could.

You thanked them before running to try and find him, you figured he'd be in his bedroom, and he was. He was now laying in the bed, staring at the ceiling. He laid on his side, almost as if expecting you to be beside him. You started to slowly approach him, not sure what to do. Copia reached into his pocket and pulled out a box, the engagement ring he bought inside it. You sighed a bit before getting in bed beside him, you hesitated cuddling into him but decided to say fuck it and go for it.

Copia tensed before he relaxed and huffed a laugh. "Hello, amore." Copia muttered, he knew you were there.

You stared at him in shock before chuckling to yourself and resting your head on his shoulder again. "Hey, handsome."

[lanocheunvinde]

See you again,

Bada Lee x fem reader

Summary: After you both agree to part ways, your paths cross unexpectedly.

Cw: exes :(, angst (?).

Wc: 6k.

Pls read : I’ve decided to put all parts (1 2 & 3) into one single fic because it’s not that long. For the babes that already read the first 2 parts, before the beginning of every chapter I added numbers so I’d be easier for you to scroll to your desired chapter🤍

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡

(1)

''So, you're going to be back soon. Right?''

Soobin asked, her tone uneasy. Even tho you told her numerous times that you won't just disappear forever and once the leaves begin to fall and change colors you'll rock the streets of Seoul again. Until then, you'll fly as far as your wings take you. It's not like you did anything wrong. You decided to leave after all. 

''Wild, young & free'' as some would describe, as she would describe. Until you weren't free anymore, your thoughts kept you imprisoned in your mind. 

''Yeah girlie, you know how hard I worked to get in.'' 

For a long time, you've wondered what you're into—having an identity crisis every time you see her dancing with such passion. You admire her wholeheartedly, but you can't help feeling jealous since there wasn't anything there for you. Your mom took you to piano classes, swimming, and even judo. She tried her best to expand your horizons and you're grateful for that but it never really worked out. Until in your early teens, you discovered your burning passion for writing, having the power to control every reply, scene, or character you desire. It's like the alphabet was made for you just to write cheeky stories that she would giggle at. Words being placed thoughtfully in your love letters to her.

''I can't wait for you to get back home. I will get reallyyy mad if we don't go out drinking before uni." The younger girl giggled over the phone. But the word ''home'' stuck to you like a bandage. You're the type of person that considers ''home'' wherever the heart is but where is your home when your heart is all over the place? 

You're just lying to yourself. You know exactly where home is. Home was the queen-sized bed you once shared, with the messy sheets you were too lazy to arrange since you knew in less than 24 hours it would be the same. Home was the kitchen where you would fail yet another recipe trying to surprise her with a yummy meal after her dance class. Home was anywhere she was really. Too bad she’s so far away now. That doesn’t mean you’re homeless tho. Many tried to offer you a room in their hearts, but it just wasn’t the same. The best you could do was try. Going on dates, even being a fan of dating apps until you gave up. Her presence scarred you so deeply that you subconsciously compared every romantic interest to her, her jokes, her compliments, her touch, her way of being. 

“Did she get in?” the girl who once was your biggest relationship enthusiast asked, knowing how the story unfolded.

“How am I supposed to know? Is there any reason I would be interested? I haven’t spoken to her in months.” 

“Forget it, why are we even talking about her? Call me when you arrive. I’ll talk to Seoyoung and Taeyoung and maybe we can go out and have cheap drinks like we did back in the day!”

You had a happy childhood, loving parents and lots of friends and you even had a best friend since primary school! Funny how a best friend turns into someone you love and then into someone you don't know at all-isn't life funny? 

During the past two months, you traveled around Europe. Finding beautiful places that make you enjoy the moment, finding beautiful people, beautiful moments. Peace. Traveling was one of the things you truly enjoyed. She once promised you’d go to Lyon and Basilicata together. You ended up going by yourself. Maybe it was better this way. 

Even though you were surrounded by people there were still moments when you felt alone and rather than being sad, you tried to enjoy being by yourself and embrace the quiet. Your life was so noisy until it all just stopped. You just accepted it. 

The familiar streets make the corners of your mouth turn upright. The convenience store right around the corner from your childhood apartment, the sun shining brightly on your street, and the kids that just left school flooding the now-crowded street gave you a familiar feeling. Comfort. 

“You are so beautiful.” your mother said while embracing you tightly, clearly noticing the subtle changes in your looks. Your skin is now sun-kissed thanks to Sardinia beach, your hair is slightly shorter and darker since you couldn’t skip the hair salons in Paris, and your cheeks are more plump since you’re not the one to refuse a delicious dish. 

“You just came back and you are leaving again in a few days. If you don’t come to visit me on Sundays I won’t send you any food ever again!” your mom said sarcastically. Truth is, you would like to spend more time with her but now you’re too caught up with the new school year starting. 

You’re officially a student in creative writing & linguistics and even got accepted as #13. Your mother couldn’t help but brag to her friends about your success in joining such a prestigious university. She was shocked. She wasn’t aware you planned to join this university a long time ago, alongside her. 

“How’s Bada? Are you guys still mad? Is an 11 year old friendship worth throwing away?”

Bada was well acquainted with your mother. Sometimes you thought your mom loves her more than she loves you. Bada infiltrated in your life so well that it came as a surprise to everybody that the two best friends who held hands just stopped talking. No reason behind it. 

“You still haven’t told me what happened.”

“Mom please I just arrived home don’t make me wanna leave again” You came off as a bit harsh but Bada was a dead subject to you. At day you would pretend you never came across Bada Lee, at night you would remember the way her hands softly caressed your waist and how your lips perfectly fit hers. You cut her off exactly how your hair stylist cut your split ends in Paris. But hair always eventually grows back.

Your childhood bedroom became the center of your attention for the next seven days as you discovered many random things while packing for uni. Old textbooks from high school, many hair accessories, polaroids with her, some dried up hand cream. Small things that were core memories for you. Your room is being filled up with 2 types of carton boxes: to take & to throw.

Most of the items you decided to throw were just straight up trash, one of her baggy t-shirts that still had her scent on it being included. Some stuff you decided to keep was necessities, toiletries, some pictures you took together just in case you made up again, etc. She was already half out of your heart, the other half made sure your heart was beating rapidly only for her. Did she also throw out your stuff? Did she keep it?? 

Across the street, things were pretty much the same.  

“Make sure you eat well. Did you pack everything?”

Mrs. Lee made sure to check up on her daughter. She was indeed a very caring mother. 

The girl let out a loud sigh saying, “Yeah, I’ll check again before leaving. There's still plenty of time left." 

“You always do that honey, wait until the last minute. Go check it now! We won’t have time to add everything to the boxes in the morning!” said the older woman worriedly. 

She went back to her room. The framed picture on her desk watched her every move, constantly reminding her of what was. Something in her not being able to throw it away, it was already there for 2 years. But sometimes she did turn the photo upside down, usually when she had other women over.

 It was her 17th birthday. Your smiles were brighter than the flashlight itself, your cheeks flushed after so many shots your mother would destroy you for drinking. It was the night your relationship exploded. 

“Is it wrong that I really want to kiss you?” You asked quietly, embarrassed by how close she was, her body firmly pressing against yours.

“Why would it be?” she says flatly. 

As you take a deep breath, you think to yourself: ''Fuck it.'' It doesn't take long for your hands to reach her face. You lean in and kiss her, feeling her heart racing against yours. She melts into your arms, immersing herself in your arms as you explore each other's lips. You pull away and look into her eyes, feeling a connection deeper than anything you've ever felt before. You both smile, savoring the moment and knowing that this is the beginning of something new. The color of your lipstick now staining her lips and her mind. She runs her fingers over your lips feeling the warmth and softness of your skin, as she says softly: 

''This is how it's supposed to be."

 You lean in and kiss her again, this time with more passion and intensity until you have to pull away to catch your breath. That was the first of many makeouts in Bada's bedroom.

In the first place, you were just supposed to change your shirt since somehow a glass of champagne ended up on your clothes, and Bada one way or another managed to trap you in front of the closet. Shit happens.

That night the now dried shirt stuck to your skin, the idea of anything else instead of the girl in front of you being long forgotten. 

To be sincere, you always held the power to pull anything you wanted without really trying. And you pulled Bada Lee into a complete black hole that night. Unaware that your souls are tied so tightly that at one point they'll burst. And unfortunately, that happened faster than any of you anticipated. 

(2)

''You're Y/N, right?" the thrilled girl asked. She had a unique appearance. The mole on her nose easily distinguished her from a crowd you thought. Flashy nails, long hair, bright clothes, and a bubbly personality were the main characteristics of your new roommate.

''Yeah! It seems like we're stuck together for a while. And you are?''

''I'm Hyerim, I'm in the dance department! I love your outfit! Where did you get that cardigan? This color looks flattering on you!" she says rapidly with a wide smile.

You hit the jackpot for the first time in a long time. On your way to the dorm, your thoughts are filled with the idea of having a demon as a roommate. You had already created a scenario of what to do just in case the person you need to spend the whole school year with together is insufferable. Thankfully, that wasn't the case. For the next 2 hours, you and Hyerim had a blast, talking about anything & everything while unpacking. You both laughed and joked around, and you felt a sense of relief when you realized you wouldn't have to deal with a roommate who wasn't pleasant. You two got along great and you were excited to spend the next year together. You just clicked. As the first week of school passed you realized Hyerim was the hyperactive little sister you never had.

''There's this party next door, one of my friends invited me.'' Your new friend proposed as her eyes sparkled with excitement. ''Do you want to go with me? My friend will bring her girlfriend and I don't want to be the third wheel." The girl pouts.

''Sure, I feel like drinking anyway.'' You said chuckling. Back in the day, you attended every party you possibly could, earning admirable alcohol tolerance. You're making people take notice of you tonight since you have the whole pack to survive a frat party.

You and Hyerim took your time carefully arranging every rhinestone around your eyes. There was a heated debate about what lipstick color would look best with her charismatic outfit.

As you stepped into the party, vibrant energy engulfed the house. The music filled every corner, blending with the laughter and already sweaty bodies of many young adults. The dorm was a mess, filled with more alcoholic drinks than you can count. The smell of vanilla body spray and cheap cigarettes reeked in the living room. You genuinely wondered how so many people could fit into such a small apartment. As you scanned the room, you noticed a familiar face. You smiled and waved, and Soobin quickly made her way to you, giving you a warm embrace.

''So it seems like our drinking plan is finally happening." she laughed while scanning you up and down. ''Who are you trying to attract tonight Miss Martini? If I was into women you would've been my first choice.'' Soobin said while smirking.

Earlier while Hyerim went to touch up her makeup, you wandered to the kitchen where you found some unknown version of martini that was already half empty. You didn't care that the now-empty drink would be the cause of your headache tomorrow. All you wanted was to have fun. The alcohol helped you to keep your thoughts foggy. You grabbed one drink after another and gulped it down in one go. You felt a rush of warmth spreading through your body and you felt yourself becoming more confident and daring. You felt like you could take on the world. You danced and sang along with Soobin. You were living in the moment, without a care in the world. You were having the time of your life.

''Y/N I'VE SEARCHED FOR YOU EVERYWHERE!'' Hyerim screamed trying to make her voice louder than the music. The girl next to her looked dumbfounded. ''This is my friend Dohee. I've told you about her before! Her oreo girlfriend will arrive later so until then it's the four of us.'' She said while showing Soobin a big smile.

Meanwhile, Hyerim and Soobin were discussing a movie you've never heard of and your eyes couldn't stop traveling to Dohee's sour expression. It was such a shame, a beautiful girl frowning. Her red-coated luscious lips are paralyzed, the leather jacket accentuating her small figure so well. Whoever is making the alluring-looking women wait is a real loser, you think. But you're here, with her, right now, in the moment. Who can blame you for wanting to steal a smile from the girl's face?

''I guess your girlfriend is not coming hm?'' You asked quietly, trying not to make the girl explode. She looks like she could burst into crying any moment now. While asking her, you carefully put your arm around her shoulders.

''Yeah. She stood me up again." Dohee sighed then went on and told you how the girl whose appearance won't be seen tonight isn't actually her girlfriend but rather a friend with benefits she's too scared to admit she has feelings for. She told you the unknown woman told her she wasn't interested in any emotional relationship and she just had to accept it. You wondered if the cause of her being so open about this subject was the cup full of plain vodka or if she just was so desperate for someone to hear her out, to look into her soulful eyes and say ''I care''. Regardless of that, you were ready to be there for her even if it was for a short time.

''She's such a fool. I hope you're aware of that. Someone like you doesn't deserve to be treated like that, tossed around like a simple washcloth. Forget about her tonight. Things will get better like they always have.'' You told her while giving a genuine smile, slowly putting your hand on top of hers.

''You really mean that?'' She says smirking while looking at your hands that are now intertwined.

One conversation led to another, and you and Dohee ended up outside sharing a cigarette she pulled from her bra. Even tho you met only 3 hours ago the silence between you two wasn't awkward, but rather comforting. The moon shone down, illuminating your faces as you stood together. Dohee couldn't help but ask you:

"You look familiar. Are you sure our paths haven't crossed before?" Her expression grows nervous. She knew exactly where she saw you before but was too drunk and confused to link things.

''If I had seen you before I would've remembered, but besides that, I doubt I would've let you go." You respond confidently with a grin.

''I've told you so much about me and I don't really know anything about you.." She told you wistfully.

You went on and told her small details about you, such as your 2 month trip and your passion for writing. Nothing too significant but enough to be considered an acquaintance instead of a stranger. She took a moment and studied your face, admiring the eyes she was jealous of every time her romantic interest forgot to hide the picture on her desk. No wonder Bada kept your picture somewhere visible. You were too beautiful to not be looked at. Maybe that's why Bada hid the picture every time she came over, to not fall in love with you instead of her. At first, she envied you for looking so happy next to her. She envied the fact that Bada's smile looked genuine next to yours. Two stars standing next to each other so closely couldn't be any good she thought, unaware of the fact that you and Bada eventually collided, merging into an even brighter star than you currently are. Unfortunately, that star didn't survive long as it was pulled into a black hole, but it died gloriously in a tidal disruption event.

She smiled and gave you a warm look. She took your hand in hers and brought you closer, her touch sending a spark of electricity through your body. It's been a while since you kissed someone but you sure wouldn't mind her touch. When the gap between you closed, your cherry lips met her strawberry ones. Weird combination of flavors but it works. One bitter and the other one sweet.

Your hands shamelessly roam her body, not knowing in the distance that someone is enjoying this as much as you. Instead of focusing on the one she spent the last night with, her eyes are only focusing on your figure, observing the way you fiercely grab the other girl's hips pulling her even closer to you. It's been a while since she last saw you, especially like this but you still managed to make her freeze on the spot. For a moment Bada recalled a time when you simply kissed her. It wasn't something meaningful at all, just how your plump lips sat on hers. At the same time, it was amusing for her that you just kissed the girl she casually used to forget about the emotions she drowned in because of you. Following her heart always leads her to you.

Dohee pulled away when her phone suddenly rang, her face suddenly becoming bitter. You went inside to give her privacy. In the living room, you find Soobin and Hyerim ''dancing'' if it even can be called that, barely being capable of standing on their own feet. They quickly pull you into their little dancing circle forcing you to dance with them. There was no choice other than to give in and take pictures to have a good laugh later on. The laughter didn't last long as Dohee came in with the tall, 2 colored hair woman holding hands.

''What the fuck..'' Soobin whispered to you while catching a glimpse of Bada.

You were drunk but not drunk enough to not notice Bada and her changed appearance. The once blue hair you encouraged her to dye was gone, now weirdly but cutely resembling an oreo and one thing about oreos is that you couldn't resist them, being ideal for your picky taste buds. The not overly sweet cookie fits your dessert criteria perfectly, just like you and Bada's hands fit each other perfectly but that was long forgotten.

''There they are! Let's play spin the bottle now!" Hyerim exclaimed while sending Dohee a wink. It was obvious she was trying to make her friend happy and maybe give her the chance to kiss the girl she spent sleepless nights crying over. However, Hyerim wouldn't let her teenagey thoughts win if she knew the way Bada used to smile at you, nevertheless, it was too late for that because you and a few other people gathered in a circle.

Hyerim went over the ''rules'' quickly, saying if you don't want to kiss the other person you have to take a shot of whatever alcohol was left. Everyone agreed, eagerly to kiss one another or just drink some more. In the first round, the bottle landed on Hyerim and Soobin. They shared a peck playfully without any hesitation. You were up next, the cap of the bottle stopped between Bada and Dohee, the in-love girl clearly not thinking it through because she was too excited to be staying so close to the woman next to her, obviously they won't kiss at all since they aren't sitting on the opposite of each other.

''Okay Y/N who are you gonna kiss??" Hyerim said full of curiosity, a little afraid of the decision you have to make.

''You don't have to kiss anyone Y/N. It's just a stupid game.'' Soobin babbled.

''Dohee.'' You said firmly while looking straight into her eyes. She couldn't handle all the eyes on her, especially yours and Bada's so her view dropped to the bottle in front of her.

''I-'' Dohee gasped trying to form a sentence unsuccessfully, not only because of her drunken state and emotions but because another voice chimed in.

"Kiss her." Bada assented. "It's not like you haven't kissed her before. Kiss her." She repeated smirking while your eyes locked. You won't lie, the multi-colored hair really fits her, just as she thought about how well the rhinestones make your eyes pop.

You grabbed Dohee's face and kissed her. Now you'd blame it on the martini but you specifically bit her lip just right in order to earn a moan from her and a sneer from Bada.

''I'm so calling Taeyoung right now..'' Soobin mumbled trying to remember her passcode in order to call your friend to tell her the shit show she just missed.

(3)

The atmosphere in the room was thick with tension and unspoken words, especially between you, Dohee, and Bada. The game of spinning the bottle continued, but your mind was elsewhere, replaying the moment your lips met Dohee's and the mixed emotions that flashed across Bada's face.

After a few more rounds and a couple of awkward kisses, the game fizzled out, the participants either too drunk or too distracted by their own thoughts. Hyerim, with her ever-bubbling energy, suggested a change in activity, but the mood had shifted. The party was winding down, people were starting to leave or find a spot to crash for the night.

You decided to step outside for a breath of fresh air, the stuffiness of the room becoming too much. As you leaned against the railing of the small balcony, you felt the cool night air brush against your skin, sobering you up a bit. Your thoughts were a jumbled mess, images of Dohee's surprised face and Bada's unreadable expression swirling in your mind.

"Mind if I join you?" a voice asked from behind. You turned to see Bada stepping out onto the balcony, closing the door behind her. The noise from the party became a dull murmur, giving you both a semblance of privacy.

"I wasn't expecting you to be here tonight." you said, trying to keep your voice steady.

Bada leaned against the railing beside you, looking out into the night. "I could say the same about you." she replied. "Seems like we both can't escape each other's orbit, no matter how hard we try. Every time I forget about us you hunt me down." She giggled, earning a chuckle from you.

The silence that followed was heavy, laden with unspoken words and memories of a past relationship that had ended in a whirlwind of emotions. You both knew that whatever had been between you was in the past, yet the remnants of those feelings still lingered.

As the moon cast a shimmering glow on the sandy beach, Bada and you found yourselves walking hand in hand along the shoreline. The sound of crashing waves provided a soothing soundtrack to the unspoken connection between you. With each step, the love between you became replaced by a renewed sense of fear. It might be time to stop swimming into the Sea, maybe it's time to dry yourself off from the sticky saltwater that's been on your skin for so long that it started cracking. As your wounds started to deepen the saltwater couldn't be any good. The stinging sensation was trying to catch your attention, to alarm you that something was wrong but to no avail. You kept swimming and swimming until you couldn't see the shore anymore. That's when you realized you had got lost. In your next life maybe you'll be a fish, that way you and the Sea wouldn't hurt each other. In the one after that maybe you'll be a dog, sleeping at the foot of your owner's bed if it means you get to be on it. You will be just like how she loves you. You will continue to be patient, just as you were in this lifetime. Maybe in another life if it couldn't be in this one.

''I didn't think we'd grow apart so soon.'' Bada's husky voice made goosebumps spread all over your body as her face was now close to your ear, back hugging you. ''You're the first person who made me feel something. I'll forever cherish the moments I had with you.''  As Bada's whispered words reached your ear, a bittersweet mixture of longing and nostalgia flooded your heart. In that moment, you couldn't help but feel a pang of regret for the lost connection, yet also a deep appreciation for the love that had once blossomed between you.

''I knew you were going to leave me but it still hurts.'' Your breathy words managed to escape your throat.

''Thank you for letting me go Y/n because I would not have walked away.'' The emotions of longing and nostalgia washed over you like a tidal wave, reminding you of the way your soul intertwined with Bada's. Each memory, each stolen glance and each word you shared replayed in your mind, leaving you yearning for the future that slowly drifts away, as easy as it comes and as easy as it goes.

Bada hugged you one last time, her arms embracing you so hard that her scent lingered on your shirt-and that was the last thing she ever offered you.

"Why did you tell Dohee to kiss me?" you finally asked, breaking the silence.

Bada turned to look at you, her eyes reflecting a mix of emotions. "Because I know you, Y/n. I know that even if you're trying to move on, a part of you is still stuck in the past. With me. I don't want it to be that way."

You swallowed hard, the truth in her words stinging. "And what about you, Bada? Are you stuck in the past too?"

She hesitated, then let out the answer you already knew. "Maybe. Maybe part of me never really left our bed. But I also know that we can't go back. Too much has happened. And that's okay."

''There was a time when I thought I'd know you forever.'' your reply seemed to suck any thought Bada even had in the first place, leaving her speechless.

Finally, Bada spoke up again. "Look, Y/n, I don't know what the future holds for us, whether we're meant to be in each other's lives or not. But I do know that I want you to be happy, even if it's not with me."

Her words were sincere, and you felt a warm sensation in your chest, a feeling that maybe it was time to truly let go and move forward.

"Thank you, Bada," you said softly. "I want the same for you."

''Is this our goodbye?'' You dared to ask.

"You know I don't believe in goodbyes."

With those final words, you both shared a smile, acknowledging the end of a long and tangled chapter and the beginning of another. As you went back inside, leaving Bada alone with her thoughts, you realized that the night had brought more than just a party; it had brought a sense of closure you never got on the night when you and the Sea decided your love was too powerful so it might cause a tsunami. You felt a sense of uncertainty about what the future held, hoping that somehow she'd be at the end of your path.

That night was the last time you ever saw Bada Lee up close. Your eyes involuntary checked her instagram profile every once in a while or if you were lucky sometimes you'd spot her around uni, your sight being glued to her; your burning stare was never enough to make her turn around tho but still, you couldn't help yourself but think maybe, just maybe, there was a chance for something new to grow from the ashes of the past. Until you dropped that idea because you realized:

one fish would never be big enough to fill the whole Sea.

[lifid-er-tilgangslaust]

My TUA OC'S

Okay, so, I wanted to share my TUA fanfiction OC's for a long time now. Finally, here they come!

The story which they are part of is called "Kraken & Peregrine" (it's a Diego x OC fanfic), the sequel to it is "Kraken & Peregrine: Here comes the end" (this is still ongoing) and there are a few more sequels to come, as I'm determined to write about all four seasons (and other events related to the story that are still a surprise). The fanfic can be read on Wattpad, under the name of @city_of_angels98, unfortunately, as for now, it's only available in Hungarian (my native language), but if there will be some of you who'd love to read it in English as well, I would be more than happy to translate it for you!

Let's dive in!

#1

Name: Everley Macy-Williams

Alias: "The Peregrine"

Birthday: 01.10.1989

Place of birth: London, England, UK

Love interest: Diego Hargreeves

Faceclaim: Kat McNamara

A little bit about her backstory:

She's one of the 43 children born on October 1st in 1989. Same as everyone else, she possesses the Marigold. Her powers include super speed, and she's also able to open portals from one place to another (she cannot open portals through different timelines, though, only in the timeline she's in). Her mother, Eleonora was approached by Sir Reginald Hargreeves back in the days when Everley was still a newborn, intending to adopt her baby, but she sent him away and decided to raise Everley herself, even though she was young and all alone, without any support system. Everley grows up in the suburbs of London, and she tries to control her superpowers on her own, but she's unable to get fully in charge of them, so she cannot use these powers whenever she wishes, not even when she gets older. She's fierce, brave, hot-headed, empathetic, kind, stubborn and slightly cleptomaniac.

In 2019, a week before Reginald's death, Everley's mother is murdered. After the mysterious circumstances of her death, Everley decides to search for Klaus Hargreeves; she's willing to pay him to contact her mother because she wants to find her killer and get revenge, so her mother can rest in peace. Of course, she arrives at the Hargreeves house at the worst possible moment, on the exact day of Reggie's funeral. And the one opening the door for her is none other than Diego Hargreeves, who reluctantly agrees to let her in - into the house and slowly, but surely into his life too.

#2

Name: Daniel (Danny) DeRulo

Alias: "The Punk"

Birthday: 01.10.1989

Place of birth: Union, Kentucky, USA

Love interest: Five Hargreeves

Faceclaim: Jack Dylan Grazer

His backstory:

His parents died in a car accident when he was only 5 years old. He was adopted and raised by The Commission, as soon as they realized he possessed a power that could make him the perfect human weapon: he can control the inside of the human body (organs, blood, etc.). Yes, he is also one of the 43. They train him and he soon becomes the Number One assassin at the Commission. They send him to missions where he has to kill people countless times, but as the years pass, he grows to realize this is all fucked up and wrong and demands they let him leave to forge a life for himself. The Commission doesn't want to let him go, so they lie to him, telling Danny he can retire "soon", but "until then", they give him another job to distract him from leaving: they send him way past the date of the Apocalypse, requesting he finds out whether mankind would be able to populate the Earth again after such a catastrophe (they are cautious not to let him ever meet Five Hargreeves - I won't spoil why -, even though both of them heard several stories of each other during the years, so he's sent to Europe and Asia instead of North and South America). Of course, outside of this job, they still use his assassin abilities occasionally. Despite his sad past, he's bubbly, kind, selfless, silly, and extremely intelligent, but he can easily be angered.

Years and years pass without his "promised" freedom ever getting fulfilled; at 61 years old he finally snaps and decides to take destiny into his own hands; he tries to escape and prepares himself to deal with the consequences of being a fugitive. But when he tries to tamper with a briefcase, he miscalculates something and the briefcase ends up not moving backward on the time frames of history, but instead, on his body. As soon as he realizes this and closes the briefcase, he's already in the body of his 15-year-old self, with the mind of a 61-year-old. The Commission forgives him, though, and he ends up working for The Handler for a couple of weeks so he can "prove his loyalty again". That's when he hears the story of Five and how the same thing happened to him too. Danny decides he must find and help him out so both can get rid of the Commission controlling their lives once and for all. However, Danny doesn't even imagine that meeting Five will result in him falling for The Boy instantly.

On Everley and Danny's relationship:

As they both happen to join the Hargreeves family almost at the same time, they grow a strong bond very quickly over being "the outsiders", and as time passes, even treat each other as siblings, being loyal af when it comes to one another.

Here's one ship video for you of Everley and Diego:

I have ship videos of Danny and Five too, but Tumblr only allows me one/post. :( I also have trailers and "manips", would anyone be interested in seeing them? I could share them in a separate post.

@old-man-yaoi-55 @5five5five5five5five5five I promised you I would tag you if I ever make this post, so pls pls add your OC's if you'd like.

And PLEASE anyone else who has any TUA fanfics going on, feel free to share/add your OC's here, I wanna know them all ❤️

[its-time-to-write]

please don’t be - ch. 3

table of contents glow (so other things can)

“It’s the south of France,” says Julia. “No one’s allowed to be sad in the south of France.”

“She’s not sad,” Nicola corrects. “She doesn’t feel anything, and that can’t be good.”

You shrug and watch the lemon trees sway in the breeze.

You can’t be expected to feel something, not when you’re empty inside. You’d have to have something left of you.

But Jamie… Jamie liked to take. It wasn’t a problem because you liked to give, but at some point something changed and he took your entire heart before you noticed it was gone. 

And you’d been so careful too. 

It’s not a problem. It’s summer, you’re on vacation in the South of France, and life couldn’t be better. You’re in a sprawling villa with three of your friends, a gorgeous beach nearby, and some of the best food of your life. 

You’re glowing.

And you’re going to some couture event that’s really just a party because Nicola’s technically here on work, so the three of you get to wear beautiful Versace dresses and mingle with Europe’s most beautiful and celebrated, all in a gorgeous chateau. 

Your brain replays, you should go back to school, so you shake your head to clear it of that choppy, beautiful voice and pretend the sky isn’t the exact color of your eyes. 

You take the tube of lipstick from Julia’s hand and decide it’s going to be smeared by the end of the night.

—

There’s nothing quite like losing your head in another country. It doesn’t count, in a way. The boy in front of you is nothing like Jamie and you don’t mind so much, except he doesn’t look into your eyes the same way, and he doesn’t quite know what to say in between kisses.

Not that he needs to say anything, god knows you and Jamie had your uninterrupted moments, but Jamie always knew exactly what you were thinking and exactly what to say. The buzzing in your head stops whenever he enters a room.

The buzzing has only gotten louder as the night progresses.

He pauses long enough to ask, “Can I get you a drink?” so you nod and smile and then knock your head against the nearest tree as soon as he’s gone. 

It’s not working. 

The whole point of this was to forget Jamie. To remove the last little shreds clinging to your memory.

He shouldn’t matter, he doesn’t, and yet…

You groan, and scrunch your eyes shut. It wasn’t supposed to matter, you knew better. But some floppy-haired pretty-boy prick-ass footballer had said the exact right combination of words to get you to fall so hard and so fast.

“You going back to school?” he asks one evening. You’re both bundled up and walking through Richmond, on the hunt for some coffee.

You shrug. “Don’t know. I’d like to go for a doctorate, but I’m not sure it’s necessary. Be fun, though”

Jamie throws back his head and laughs, pearly-white teeth glowing in the streetlight. “You’re the only fucking person I know who thinks a fucking doctorate is fun.”

He knocks into you, just a nudge, but it sets your arm ablaze. Every touch from him feels like fire.

You’re quiet, unsure what to say next. Jamie, though, Jamie knows what to say. Jamie always knows what to say. He knows where to go, what to do; you never have to think too much when you’re with him. He knows when to ask, and when to choose.

“You should do it,” he continues. “You should go back to school. Be fucking mint, like. I’d get to tell the lads I’m with a real fuckin’ doctor.”

And that was it. That was all it took for the tingling in your arm to shoot all the way to your chest. And sure, you didn’t have time at the moment, but you’d applied as soon as Jamie played his first match back on City turf.

He always knew the way to your heart. 

Fuck him for that.

There was a part of you that always thought he wanted more but was too scared to ask.

But you were wrong, so wrong, so fuck Jamie Tartt.

You hear footsteps on the gravel, so you open your eyes, expecting your drink, but are instead met with a stupid Gucci button up, rolled to perfectly showcase a stupid tattoo on a stupid forearm.

“Oh,” is all you can manage. “Sorry. I- I didn’t know you were here. Where’s…?”

“Inside,” comes Jamie’s short response.

“Oh,” you say again.

There’s a part of you that wants to leave, and leave fast, but another, more idiotic part of you wants to stay.

Just for a moment, just long enough for him to apologize, explain, something, although you know he won’t. So you should leave rather than be disappointed.

But you pause for half a second, still blinking up at him (when did he get so close?) and just as you resign yourself to the fact that you’re going to have to walk away, he speaks and breaks your heart all over again.

table of contents

[invisibleraven]

“thanks for making today a little less depressing.” for the rarepair of your choice!

When Julie and the Phantoms got handed a world wide tour, nobody could be happier for them than Willie. He was so proud of Alex and their friends, finally getting recognized on a global scale.

But then the reality sunk in-Alex would be gone for months. And well, as much as Willie wanted to, he couldn't come too. He had a job that definitely couldn't spare him, and a life here in LA that he wasn't able to up and walk away from, as much as he wanted to.

"This sucks," he said, hugging Alex tight as they waited for the plane to begin boarding. "I'm gonna miss you so much."

"Me too," Alex whispered quietly. "But we'll call and FaceTime as much as we can, and you're already scheduled to join us for a week in Europe, and the time will pass so quickly."

"No it won't," Willie replied, squeezing him tighter. But soon enough it was time for Alex to go, and WIllie was left alone.

He tried to keep busy of course, working, skating, seeing his other friends. But it was still supremely lonely going back to their empty apartment every night, no matter how many phone and video calls they did.

Then February rolled around, and Willie got sad. Normally, he wouldn't care about Valentine's day, but it also happened to be his and Alex's anniversary. And well, Willie was stuck in LA, while Alex was playing in Lisbon or something. He had tried everything to get days off to be together, but there had been no work around.

Willie was fully planning on just spending the evening moping with a veggie pizza and some fro-yo when Flynn burst into his apartment.

"Alright sad sack, get up, we're going to have a fabulous night, and that does not involve you on your couch in sweats," she declared.

"What?" he asked, not really protesting when she pushed him towards his bedroom to change.

"Look, our favourite drummer boy contacted me and told me you might be in the dumps today, so here I am, in all my amazing glory, to cheer you up."

"But what about your own plans?" he asked, tossing on a tight pair of ripped jeans and a rainbow crop top.

"Carrie has gastro," Flynn replied. "So I am avoiding that like the plague and having fun with you. Now sit so I can make your face fleek af."

Willie let out a little giggle, but let Flynn add bright eyeliner and fun bronzer to him, even twisting his hair into a fun braid crown before she declared him fierce and ready to go.

They went to a club-one they liked to frequent due to the cheap drinks and decent beats, dancing up a storm, twirling with a few queens who had taken over the place since many people were out on dates. Tossing back mid quality nachos and better quality cosmos while judging the outfits of the few patrons out of earshot.

Then Flynn took him to the arcade, a place he usually went with Reggie, but she proved to be equally gifted at Whack a Mole, but dreadful at Pac Man. However they were laughing too hard to really care, and Willie did well enough at the DDR machine to get them enough tickets for a prize.

"I want the fuzzy dice," Flynn declared.

"Girl you can't drive, let alone own a car," Willie reminded her.

"Don't mess with my aesthetic," was her only reply, looping the dice around her belt.

Willie got a gaudy looking plastic ring, tucking it away to give Alex when he returned, the two of them always joking that they never really saw the point of marriage, but neither would turn down a truly memorable proposal just so they could register for gifts.

From the arcade, Flynn dragged them down to the boardwalk, Willie getting them both bubble tea, since it was too cold for fro yo. "Thanks," he said finally. “Thanks for making today a little less depressing.”

"Anything for you boo," she said, knocking their shoulders together. "I miss them too you know."

"I know," he said, sighing. "You're a good friend Flynn."

"Well d'uh."

"And a great Valentine," he added, lacing their hands together. "Thanks for that."

"I am totally telling Alex we're running away together," she said smiling. "Taking his money and having a million babies."

"We would make really beautiful babies," Willie mused, the two of them erupting in laughter.

"Okay, I should go home and make sure Carrie is still alive," Flynn finally said as they neared his block. "Coffee next week?"

"My treat," he said with a nod.

"Damn right it is."

Willie laughed and waved as she got into her waiting Uber, smiling to himself as he got back into his sweats, and wondered if he had any art supplies kicking around.

Because Flynn definitely deserved at least a hokey card after tonight, and he was sure it would make her laugh when they got coffee.

However, as he was searching his phone rang, and he saw it was Alex, so he rushed to answer it. "Hey hot dog."

"Hey Wils," Alex said. "Was today horrible? I feel so bad we couldn't be together."

"It was...alright," Willie finally conceded. "Flynn took care of me."

Alex breathed a sigh of relief. "Good, I asked her to check in. I'm glad you guys had fun, even though I missed you like crazy."

"We really did," Willie assure him. "Now, turn on your camera so I can see your cute face and we can have some fun while it's still our anniversary."