#and i care if it’s selfish or wrong i hope she regrets what she said to me and apologizes one day

[i-hate-gravel]

“somebody i used to know” as a phrase really does so much and has never been more relevant actually

[webslingingslasher]

I want trouble to go up to Peter and tell him to leave her alone PERMANENTLY bc that "no one is gonna try to date me bc we were seen together" shit is so annoying. I want her to tell him thats toxic and she would never do that to him pls

‘i unblocked you to yell at you.’

‘Please do.’

‘you’re toxic. you’re mean and toxic and holding me back. i would NEVER go around telling girls to watch out and be weary because you’re mine. it’s weird and gross.’

‘funny how you never wanna respond when you’re caught in your shit. you act like a tough guy but you can’t ever back it up.’

‘I’m not holding you back. I told Tarrent to stop his bullshit. It’s not on me if people still don’t want to mess around with you, I did what you asked.’

‘there’s an underlying threat and you know it.’

‘There isn’t.’

‘you know what? i didn’t wanna do this to you, parker but you made me.’

‘i’m gonna go out with zach kelph and you can’t do shit about it.’

‘That’s a low blow, trouble.’

‘Real low.’

‘you think it’s fun messing with me. it’s not my fault the only guy who isn’t scared is the guy you hate.’

‘if you were smarter you would’ve thought this through.’

‘I’m sorry that guys are blowing you off and making you feel shitty. That was all Tarrent, I had nothing to do with it. The worst I’ve done is follow you around, I never threatened anyone with violence. Even I know that’s too far.’

‘you didn’t stop it. you knew what was going on and you let it. you’re just as guilty.’

‘it’s a good thing zach doesn’t care.’

‘He’s not doing it because he likes you.’

‘He’s doing it because he hates me and knows you’re my only soft spot.’

‘you’re so selfish.’

‘you really have to make this about you?’

‘If you want to date other guys, go for it. I’m just letting you know Zach has zero good intentions. You’d be something to show off. That’s it.’

‘I CAN’T DATE OTHER GUYS!!!!’

‘WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN FOR THIS CONVERSATION???!!!!’

‘YOU FUCKING RUINED EVERYTHING!’

‘I COULDN’T PUT UP WITH YOU ANYMORE AND I FUCKING END IT AND YOU’RE STILL FUCKING WITH ME.’

‘date other guys he said!!! DATE OTHER GUYS???? I’VE BEEN TRYING!!!!’

‘asshole.’

‘i fucking hate you.’

‘i hate you so fucking much.’

‘i hate everything about you and i regret every fucking kiss and every time you fucked me and every time I THOUGHT YOU CARED ABOUT ME.’

‘you don’t like me. you never did.’

‘your aunt would be so so SO disappointed in you. i hope you know that. may would HATE who you are. this isn’t who she raised.’

‘surprise surprise. he has no response.’

‘I don’t know what you want from me. Do you want me to make an instagram post saying you’re free game? Do you want me to toss you to a friend? What do you want my answer to be?’

‘this is your fault.’

‘You dated a chapter member at the number one frat on campus, of course people aren’t going to move in on you two weeks after it ended.’

‘i didn’t date anyone.’

‘You’re right, everything we did was a waste of time and it never meant anything to me.’

‘oh?? he admits it??? wow. never thought i would’ve seen the day.’

‘Date who you want. Kiss who you want. Fuck who you want. But don’t do it to get back at me.’

‘And for the love of god don’t fucking pick Zach. This isn’t about my ego, trouble. Zach is a terrible person and he only wants to use you.’

‘you spelled parker wrong.’

‘You used to be nice to me.’

‘and i used to think you loved me.’

‘funny how wrong we both were about each other.’

‘I think you should block me again.’

‘you just love playing a martyr don’t you? you know you’ve never said sorry? not once? you never actually told me that you acknowledge you weren’t good to me and that you’re sorry it ended this way. that’s why i can’t stand you. you act like it still doesn’t matter. i just want real emotion from you and i still can’t get that. i mean come on peter. what else do you have to lose?’

‘It does matter to me. It matters a lot, trouble. I’m sorry I’m not crying to your voicemail but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t fucking suck for me. It does. I miss you. A lot. I miss you waking me up every night, I miss you reading next to me, I miss you taking naps with me, I miss you every fucking minute of everyday.’

‘It fucking hurts to think about. Even worse to talk about it with you. It’s my fault. All of this is my fucking fault. How do I have any right telling you it hurts me too? I only hurt because of me.’

‘There’s nothing more I want to do than hug you and tell you how sorry I am but I can’t do that without breaking down. I can’t.’

‘i don’t believe you’re crying over me.’

‘Ask my disappointed aunt.’

‘You weren’t wrong about that.’

‘that was a little mean.’

‘It was honest.’

‘doesn’t mean it was nice.’

‘I really don’t deserve you being nice to me anymore. I’ll tell Tarrent to make it right, okay? I promise you can have any guy you want. Even… Zach Kelph.’

‘i don’t want zach. i just wanted to be heard.’

‘I listened. I’m trying, trouble. I promise I am.’

‘yeah. i’ve heard that before.’

[jangofettjamz]

Stay with me

Jenna Ortega x Autistic!Male!Reader

TW: Depression, Self Harm, General Unhappiness

Summary: Jenna discovers your ongoing depression.

2nd Person POV

Three weeks.... three long weeks of loneliness. You had all but isolated yourself from the world, not to be seen by anyone. Your family and friends constantly worrying about you and your whereabouts. But you didn't care. You just didn't care anymore.

Your sleeping pattern was completely destroyed, eating habits fluctuating between eating too much or too little or just not eating at all. Hygiene was at an all time low, snack packets littered the house like a landfill.

You felt defeated, conquered. You couldn't even get out of bed to check the time. The only thing you could hope for is the mattress to swallow you whole removing you from the world; not that it'd make a difference. So you kept telling yourself.

You lay in your bed staring at the ceiling for what feels like hours, only to be disrupted by the ringing of your cell phone on your nightstand. You almost didn't lean over to see who it was but curiosity had its way with you and forced you to look. It was Jenna.

Embarrassment radiated through your body having not even thought about how your absence might effect her. Your reached out your arm to pick it up and hovered your thumb over the answer icon.

Mustering up the courage, you finally answer the phone and gave the best performance you could to ensure her that you were fine. "Hello"

"Y/N? Baby are you alright? No one's heard from you for weeks! I've been trying to call you and went to your door multiple times, babe." Regret. Thats what you felt the moment she expressed her worry for your well being. How could you be so selfish?

Still you persisted in trying to convince her "I'm fine, Jen. Really I am. I've just been really really busy at work; barely any time to myself" you fake laugh.

Jenna saw right through your facade "Really..? Because I called your boss and they said you haven't turned up for work in about a week and a half and I haven't seen you for three. Honey you know I'm the first one to call if you ever need help, so why won't you let me in?"

She was pleading, something you had a very emotional reaction to. The last thing you ever wanted to hear from her was pleading. "Jen... its... *sniffles* "

Jenna doesn't back down "Y/N... please... Tell me what's wrong"

"I... I can't get out of bed... my bed is a mess and so is my room. I feel sick to my stomach and I..." you held back tears.

"Go on, sweet boy it's okay. Tell me what's going on" She says with pure softness in her voice. No hint of contempt.

"I hurt myself. I've been hurting myself, Jenna" There it was, an admission. With your pride broken and tears down your face you confessed to your girlfriend about your dangerous little habit.

"I'm coming over. I'll be there in 5 minutes tops." You can already here her bustling around her house looking for her car keys. You were sobbing from the guilt. "Hey Hey l sweet boy it's okay. I'm not mad I promise. We're gonna get you cleaned up and figure this out together, okay?"

"O-okay.... I love you, Jennie..." you sniffle as you call her your little affectionate nickname.

"I love you too, sweet bunny. I'll be there very soon." She blew a kiss through the phone before hanging up.

*Five minutes later*

Jenna opened the front door via the spare key, her eyes taking in the mess of the living room. She couldn't focus on that right now, instead she made her way up to your bedroom and knocked the door.

"Y/N? Bunny are you in there?" She called out to you but you refused ti answer, hoping that she would leave and not see you in your pathetic state. "Babydoll I'm gonna come in now, okay?"

The sound of the door opening made you hide under the covers from the fear of judgment; her judgement. However, that never came. The footsteps drew closer and closer and you felt a hand remove the sheet you were hiding under.

The state she saw you in broke her sweet heart, wanting nothing more than to just pick you up in her arms and shield you from everything despite the height difference. "Oh sweet boy... hey... it's only me"

That did it. The dam of tears collapsed on itself and you bawled like a child leaving Jenna to pick up the pieces. "Shhh, sh, sh, sh it's okay baby. You're safe I promise. It's only me in here, no one else." Her hands went through your greasy hair, evidence of your lack of hygiene the last few days."

"I-I'm sorry for n-not calling you J-Jenna..." you wanted to give her a thousand apologies and you didn't even know why.

Jenna shut down your apologies immediately "its okay bunny you did absolutely nothing wrong. You're just going through a very hard time right now." Even in the dimly lit room she could see the marks on your forearm, but didn't draw any attention to it; nit yet anyway.

"My love why don't you have a shower, hmm? Or bath up to you. While you do that I'll clean up your room and check up on you afterwards. You have any clean bedsheets for me, angel?" She asked sweetly.

"In the basket downstairs with all the other clean washing" you answered lowly.

She gave you a loving kiss to your forehead "Thank you. But before you take a bath, can I clean your cuts? I'll be gentle I promise" you were hoping she'd just ignore the cuts, but they do need to be cleaned. You nodded your head with lingering shame.

She helped you to the bathroom, which was thankfully clean and sat you on the toilet seat. Jenna grabbed the first aid kit and got to work "Honey I need to clean the cut of dirt first before I disinfect it. Can you put your arms under the sink for me?" You did as you were told "That's my good boy there you go. Just hold your arms under for a few minutes"

It stung but you weren't expecting it to be painless. After the wound was clean of any dirt she started to disinfect "You're doing such a good job for me, bunny. So brave for me" she praised. You truly did not deserve this woman

"These dressings are waterproof so you can bathe with them, but try not to get it too wet, okay?" You nodded at her instructions and she proceeded to run the bath. While the water ran she rubbed your back and rocked you to keep you calm and not overstimulated.

"Alright baby it's bath time" She helped you into the bath with a gentle guidance. The temperature felt just right, something you were very grateful for. The last thing you wanted was to be overstimulated from how the water felt on your sensitive skin.

While you cleaned yourself, Jenna cleaned the bedroom from all the junk and replaced the bedsheets. She wanted to ask so many questions but she knew not to overwhelm you in your extremely vulnerable state.

Around 35 minutes after you got in the bath you finally decided you were clean enough. Your hair was clean and fresh and the body odre was gone. You grabbed a towel and went back to your room to find Jenna sitting on the now clean bed inside your now clean room.

She tapped the bed signalling you to sit down next to her. Once you did she instantly wrapped her arms around your fragile body in a protective hold refusing to let go. "Sweetheart what happened?" The inevitable question was finally asked, you couldn't really narrow it down to one event since it's been building up for a while.

"I... its been building up for a while. I started feeling unhappy for about a year and it just escalated from there. You know I've been going to therapy and stuff but it just kept getting worse and worse... I didn't think I'd start hurting myself... *sniffle* I feel so stupid" you started crying heavily again

"Shhhhh you're not stupid baby boy, not stupid at all. You're just going through so so much and you felt like you needed some form of release from all the stress regardless of what it was. But please don't feel like you can't let me in, I wanna help my precious baby whether be physically or mentally." She wiped your tears with the pad of her thumbs and held your very close.

"I know you had your reasons for doing this bubs and they're completely valid, but please let me help you. There's better ways than this I promise. I don't wanna lose you, bunny. You're too precious to me to lose, I love you so so much and I need you here with me. I need you to stay with me baby."

You weakly nodded at her words, you knew this wasn't going to be an easy road ahead but she was going to help you navigate it together. "I won't leave, Jenna. I promise."

"That's my perfect angel..." the two of you share a loving deep kiss, only sealing the love you two felt for one another. She pulled back and looked into your eyes. "So gorgeous. My perfect boy" the praise made you tear up again which made her hold you against her chest and lay down on the bed.

"You're gonna be okay, Y/N. I'm here now, everything's gonna be okay. Such a good boy for me, it's all gonna be okay." And you really believed her, despite everything you've went through you fully believed her words. Jenna cradled you in her arms in whispered sweet words, pulling you into a safe space where you felt nothing was wrong.

"How about we get some pizza and chill for the next few days. Its the weekend and I've missed you a bunch. Maybe we can even go somewhere tomorrow, whaddya say?"

"Okay. Dominoes?"

"Whatever you want, sweet boy. I'd do anything to make you happy" Those words brought a smile, a small smile but a smile nonetheless.

And that made Jenna very very happy

A/N: This hasn't been proofread so the spelling/grammar/punctuation might be shit. Sorry I've been M.I.A but I've been really down lately and that's putting it lightly. I haven't forgotten about you guys and I hope this fic can make it to you.

[iamyoursonly]

Try again? (30/9/2023)

I’m trying so hard to cope please bear with me. WHEN I CATCH YOU GEGE

edited on 12/12/2023

‘Love is the most twisted curse of all.’ You always say. And yet, you fell in love with me and I fell in love with you.

“Yo.” You wave, and you walk over to me, with that soft gaze and cocky smile. I knew you well, so I would just run over and give you the biggest hug ever. I mean you loved it even though the impact would make you fall down. “I missed you so much.” You’d breathe down my neck, and I’d say it back, “I missed you more, Satoru.”

We walked down the street, hand in hand, with ice cream too, preferably. You’d steal mine when you finish yours and we’d bicker until the same old man tells us off.

“Just buy a new one you good for nothing lanky tall guy.” I’d call you to make you pissed, but you would just tell me, “You love me though don’t you.” with that signature smirk of yours, and you take advantage of your height and take my ice cream away from me. It was like that everyday. It was good while it lasted though.

I moved to England the year later, but we facetimed every night. You visit me on every single weekend and every holiday you have, but I was forced into too many activities that I couldn’t make enough time for you. That must’ve been the case, because you broke up with me a month later, saying you can’t take it anymore. I know it was a full on lie but I had to give up, or I would bring you down with me. “I’m sorry Satoru, I-” I cried on call, I could see the red stains on your eyes too, but you were pretending to be calm and cool, I know you’re lonely but I can’t do anything about it. “Save it, just take care.” Then you cut the call, and I bawled my eyes out that night.

Moving on after you was hard, those times I had with you in Japan kept appearing in my mind. I heard from Shoko that you’d moved on and was dating another girl whose name was Himeko, I knew she was pretty and I told Shoko to tell you that it’s good that you’d moved on. I started picking up drinking at the age of 17, then smoking at 18. It was hell when you weren’t around, I regret not begging you to stay when we were on call.

I knew I was dying once I was admitted to the hospital unconscious. My parents wanted to know what was wrong with me too, but I couldn’t bear to tell them after all the money they’d invested in me. Shoko visited me, she said that you didn’t know yet, because if you did, you’d go on a serious rampage and might hurt someone. I was in the hospital for two whole weeks before leaving. On the last day though, a bouquet of roses was on my table. No card, nothing was slipped in the bouquet, but I really hoped it was you who sent it.

I got up to my feet again and started working hard, hoping that I could go back to you as soon as possible, but it was too selfish for me to. You have a girlfriend and a happy life, your instagram was full of smiles and laughter, it makes me forget that I wasn’t with you anymore. When I finally posted on my instagram story, with a photo of me with a neck full of medals together with a friend, you messaged me and said ‘good job’ like you always do. To be honest, I hoped that you’d forget about me and never look back, but deep down I hoped that you had never given up on me.

Turning twenty years old and coming back to Japan to finish med school after 2 years of prior study in England, I speak fluent English and tried to appear with more confidence. I got to take glimpses of you when you caught my eye at the shopping mall I loved to go to. The only thing that was different was you were with your girlfriend, laughing. But wasn’t with me.

When Shoko told me you and Himeko broke up and I was almost overjoyed, I hope you won’t drink that much and get drunk because god knows what you’d do. Before I knew it you were at my door, apparently Shoko gave you my new address and there you were, looking as handsome as ever and was so drunk your ears were bright red.

I opened the door and you locked eyes with me, “Hey.” You say, your voice was so much deeper now, you were so much taller too, “Hi, Gojo.” I say back and you furrowed your brows, “Isn’t it Satoru for you?” My heart fluttered, it shouldn’t have been like this but I couldn’t help it, “Satoru, I thought you moved on, what happened.” You just stood there, in front of my door, and I was so glad somehow, “Can you hug me? Please? I know it’s out of line and all but-”

I cut you off with an embrace, “I missed you so much, Satoru.” and you hug me back, “I missed you too.” I bring you into the house, you were really drunk, and you kept rambling about how you were really sad when you broke up with me, “I really didn’t want to, maybe you could’ve had a better future there without me and all, and I really tried to move on, I dated Himeko because of that, but when she figured out that I was using her because I missed you, she broke up with me. I love you so much and I missed you so so much, my love. I might’ve messed up real bad when you moved to England, but I just wanted you to have a better life with someone better. I didn’t know that my heart would ache that much without you around.”

Tears were streaming down your ocean blue eyes, and I felt somewhat responsible for that, “Satoru, listen. I had no choice but to move, my parents spent so much paying for my tuition in England and I couldn’t let them down, I indulged myself in all that studying and extra activities I couldn’t even make time for you, it’s my fault too, I understand that you’d leave me for it. But hey, I never moved on from you, every night I’d think of you, hoping that you’d show up at my door all smiley and tell me that the break up thing was a joke, but you never came. I also hoped that the bouquet of flowers was you when I was in the hospital because I missed you too much but I made it, and I’m back.”

I was crying too, and we just held each other until the sun rose, “That bouquet was me. I’m sorry, I should’ve wrote a card or something.”

When I woke up, you were nowhere to be seen, I was too desperate that I had my real feelings show. The doorbell rang, and when I opened the door, you were there with your soft gaze and a somehow still cocky grin, “Hey. Wanna try again? The dating thing?”

And I mean how could I say no, “Yeah, let’s try again.”

Soon after it was my twenty fifth birthday, we were at your favourite restaurant and ordered your favourite food. You had me wear my best outfit — that blue dress I adore so much, to go to dinner with you. Everything was going smoothly, I was happy, you were happy, we were talking and laughing. The music in the background played joyfully and it made people feel like a stone has been lifted up from their lives.

Suddenly, the music stopped. And I turned around to the pianist that was playing the song. The man smiled at me, then as if on cue, the birthday song started playing.

You sung, “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to my love~. Happy birthday to youuu!”

I was overjoyed, and was ready to throw myself in your embrace and fill your face with kisses. But you knelt down on the floor, opened up your red velvet box, and asked me, “Will you marry me?” I didn’t know what to say, the shock and the embarrassment got to me — not that I mind though. Every moment with you is and will always be precious to my heart. So I helped you up and threw my arms around you, before muttering a soft “yes”. You teased me, telling me to say it again, as embarrassed as I was, I simply couldn’t resist your charms and just let you be.

“Are you ready to be my amazing wife, Mrs. Gojo?” You teased.

“Do I look unprepared?” I laugh, “I’m more than ready to spend my whole life with you, you goofy freak!”

You just laughed at the mention of me calling you a ‘goofy freak’, but added, “You love me though.” and I just said, “Too bad I do.”

And you were right, ‘Love really is the most twisted curse of all.’ But I’d still take the risk to love you over and over again.

master list

[fwckriley]

Endless Echoes

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Pairing: Simon “Ghost” Riley x Reader

Word Count: 1.100

I wasn't happy with this story so I decided to rewrite it. It ended up turning into a whole other story, even though it's essentially the same. Hope y'all like it.

─────────── ❖ ───────────

The sound of the door closing echoed through the empty apartment. He turned around and locked the door. The space was almost claustrophobic in its simplicity: an old sofa, a beach chair next to the window, a wooden coffee table, and a rug that seemed to have been forgotten in time. The walls were bare, with no paintings or photographs to bring the place to life. Not that he cared, furniture was just furniture. And nothing more.

He looked around and sighed, feeling the weight of his exhaustion increase.

His shoes made a rhythmic sound against the wooden floor, echoing throughout the apartment. He walked towards the kitchen, and upon reaching it, he opened the fridge, feeling the cold and humid air hit his face. With his other hand, he grabbed a glass pitcher. He left the fridge door open, illuminating the room. Then, he took his phone out of his pocket and played the voicemail.

"Hey Simon, it's me. I've been thinking about some things, about us and... there are so many things left unsaid between us. I feel like I need to talk about it, or it's going to suffocate me, devour me alive, you know? So, if you want to ignore this message, it's okay." His heart raced as he heard her voice. He felt a tightness in his stomach, a mix of anxiety and sadness. He wanted to call her. He wished he could just pick up his phone, call her number, and said everything he was thinking to her. But instead, he just listened, letting her voice seep into his mind. He closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath.

"I just left, without goodbyes... Looking back now, I regret so much leaving you. You deserved a proper goodbye, but I... if I saw you again, I know I couldn't leave. I need to be honest, even if it hurts. I still love you, but sometimes love isn't enough to make us stay, you know?" Her words cut like blades into his heart, tearing open old and new wounds. She tried to stay calm, but her voice trembled, betrayed by the pain she was trying to hide. Simon, on the other hand, remained silent, trying to process the flood of emotions that was invading his chest.

"You know, I wanted to be strong, to be the rock you needed, but you shattered me into pieces, Simon. And now I'm here, trying to pick up the fragments of myself, trying to rebuild. I don't blame you, but I can't pretend anymore that everything is okay."

Her words echoed in his mind. He felt lost, bewildered. How could he have been so blind? So selfish? He loved her, but that wasn't enough. He wanted to be by her side, but he didn't know how to make her happy. He wondered what was wrong with him, why he couldn't love her the way she deserved. The truth was that he was scared. Scared of commitment, scared of opening up to her, scared of being vulnerable. And now he was alone, without her. He wondered if he would ever find someone who loved him and understood him the way she did. He wondered if he deserved that. Maybe he did.

"I just...I...Shit. I just wish it was you." Her voice was trembling. "Did I make your life brighter? Did I bring you comfort? I keep wondering what I could have done wrong. Where did I go wrong? Do you think of me as often as I think of you? Do you want me back? If you do, why haven't you reached out to me? Or maybe you don't want to. Maybe you're relieved that I'm out of your life. Maybe you hate me now for unearthing what was buried deep."

His eyes were fixed on the glass, watching as the drops slowly formed and trickled down its exterior, like tears streaming down his soul. There was no rush, no urgency. Maybe the water in the glass could wash away the pain he felt. Maybe it could ease the ache in his chest. Or maybe it was just a distraction, a small momentary comfort to alleviate the pain of loneliness.

"I sincerely hope you're doing well...Simon. Goodbye."

"Did I make your life brighter?"

Yes. He thought.

The morning sun at eight o'clock shone on her face, illuminating her light brown hair and golden skin. She was always more beautiful when exposed to sunlight, shining like gold. He had been awake since six AM, watching her all this time. She was beautiful, more than beautiful. There were no words to describe it. She was life. She was happiness. She was humor. She was wit. She was color in his gray world. She slowly woke up, annoyed by the sunlight in her eyes.

Her eyes opened, copper-brown. Kissed by the sun, by life, by God, and all the good things in the world. How he wished he could put it into words. She looked at him, and he felt naked, although he was actually naked.

"Weirdo," she said, her voice still sleepy.

"You snore," he said.

"I don't snore," she replied, irritated.

"Louder than many soldiers. You should see a doctor," he joked.

"Keep it up and you'll be without sex for the next six months," she threatened, snuggling up to him and going back to sleep.

He snapped out of his trance and looked around the apartment. His apartment was shrouded in darkness, with the only illumination coming from the city streetlights outside. He made his way back to the living room, taking his glass of water with him. His hand was shaking and his breathing was heavy. When he reached the living room, he placed the glass of water on the floor next to a beach chair. Slowly, he sat down in the chair, feeling his tense muscles loosen. He took the last cigarette from the pack, staring at the empty box for a moment before lighting it. The smoke wafted slowly, a gray trail that mixed with the darkness of the room. He looked outside, watching the distant lights shining like artificial stars. The muffled sound of the city entered his ears, a constant hum, but it was better than silence. The loneliness and emptiness of the apartment were suffocating, and he felt as if he were being crushed by immense pain. Sadness overtook him, heavy like a wet blanket, and he just sat there, motionless, for a long time. Just watching the city.

After an eternity of reflection, immersed in his own melancholy, listening only to the ticking of his clock, he picked up his glass of water. It was at room temperature, but he drank it anyway. It wasn't good, not by a long shot. He lifted the glass near his face, holding it at eye level, and began to spin it slowly. He played with the glass, spinning, maneuvering.

Empty.

Completely empty.

[sbzbrainrot]

One More Thing ch. 3

“Al-an, stop! I can’t just sit around doing nothing forever. I’ve already fabricated a new wetsuit and it’s not like I broke my leg, I want to keep going.” Robin clenched her fists, digging her nails into her palms, hoping the pain would distract her from the anger bubbling inside of her. 

“Robin,” Al-an took a step back and looked at her, trying to think of a response that would diffuse the situation. He was at a loss for words, something quite unusual for him.

He had been trying to convince her that she simply cannot continue to work when injured - it could exacerbate the injury and prolong healing time as well as invite longer-term issues. 

Al-an had insisted they could wait to gather these supplies, he had proposed he gather materials alone while she worked in the base, he had suggested helping her within the base instead, yet Robin just seemed to get angrier and angrier with each suggestion. He was truly unsure of what to do, it seemed like there was an emotional charge behind this issue that he simply did not understand (as desperately as he wanted to) and it seemed like no matter what he said it made everything worse.

Robin glared demandingly at Al-an, waiting (rather impatiently) for him to finish his sentence. 

“What… do you want?” Al-an pressed his arms into his chest, fidgeting with his claws. A nervous habit. 

“What? You know what I want. I want to get the damn cure ready so when we go and see all your ‘oh-so-superior’ Architect friends you don’t get fucking ostracized from society and your Network, so for the love of god just let me do what I need to do.”

Al-an stiffened and diverted his gaze with a slight bow of the head. Robin’s hand shot up to her mouth. Oh god, that was, really mean. 

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry, I’m sure that won’t happen, I’m sorry, I-“ Robin’s anger had been quickly replaced by regret as she witnessed the glow of her strong friend dim, the way he completely stopped fidgeting, it made her feel awful. Al-an cut her off.

“I understand. I still do not recommend your exposure to the elements in this state, however it is your choice.” I cannot keep her safe nor alive when she has her mind set. The thought was horrid. 

He had spent a millennia separated from all contact. Even when he had been within reaches of contact, he had to pull back when he recognized their intentions. Now that he had met the one person he was able to trust and care for with the collective strength of whatever Network was left in him, she just wanted to do whatever she wanted. Even if it meant she would die. 

Was it selfish? Perhaps, but he understood that feeling - of thinking you know better. 

He also knew the regret of finding out you didn’t. 

Al-an looked towards the sea beneath them, accessible through the passageway made by the moon pool’s entrance. He returned his gaze to Robin. 

“I cannot aid you at the moment.” He couldn’t think of a way to put the ‘why’ into words. “I must attend to business in the Sanctuary.”

Before Robin could respond, he had blinked down through the moonpool and away. 

‘Oh my god.’ Her heart wrenched. ‘Oh my god, what is wrong with me? Why did I say that?’

Without thinking, Robin grabbed her oxygen tank and hopped in after him. 

The first thing she noticed was how cold the water was - she was wearing her newly fabricated protective wetsuit but where she had been wounded she had heightened temperature sensitivity. 

But soon after noting that, she was really starting to feel the pain from exercising the muscle, it was searing and the burn of it almost completely overwrote the chills she had. 

She winced, but she clenched her teeth and kept swimming. 

——————-

Robin had finally reached the entrance to the sanctuary, a kilometer swim. It was where she had first found Al-an, and she would’ve been nostalgic about it if she wasn’t in such emotional and physical turmoil. 

She swam through the force field that separated the water from the air, but misgauged her position. She fell to her knees with a cry she couldn’t stifle and just buried her face in her hands. 

Her mind was screaming conflicting demands to her - stop moving, get up, stay here, find Al-an. She clenched her fingers around her face, trying her best to mitigate this pain. 

Suddenly, she heard the sound of zipping and of hoofs landing on the cold ground. She ripped her hands away from her face and stared up at Al-an.

“Robin!” He quickly used his mechanical hands to help support Robin as he picked her up with his anti-gravity beam. 

“Al-an,” Robin’s voice cracked and she couldn’t take it anymore - she broke down into tears. 

Instead of holding her up to inspect her, Al-an immediately pulled her close to him. Acting off learned instinct (but still with a slight hesitation), he wrapped his organic arms around her and held her tight. “Robin, what is wrong?”

Robin buried her face into the crook of his neck and sobbed. “You- you were right, Al-an.” Her breath hitched. “It hurts like a bitch. And I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to be mean to you, it just slipped out, and -“

“I do not desire to be right. I desire for you to be safe.” Al-an’s chest emanated worried clicks, something more felt than heard. He lowered himself as he continued to hold Robin’s trembling being. “Your muscle is fatigued and you may have exacerbated the tear with your movements.”

Al-an paused hesitantly. “I understand you don’t enjoy this, but may I remove your wetsuit to examine the injury?” His voice remained steady but there was a sense of urgency to it. 

Defeatedly, Robin nodded. She just wanted this searing pain to stop, she had no desire let alone capacity to complain at the moment. 

Al-an let out a noise resembling a sigh and hovered one mechanical arm over the zipper on the back of her wetsuit. He stopped over it, thinking for a moment. “Robin, is there anything I can do to make this more comfortable? I desperately want to avoid causing you discomfort.” he spoke very gently. 

“Um,” Robin said through a stifled sob, “Please just… don’t look at anything but the injury.” Her cheeks burned and she shut her eyes tight. 

Al-an began pulling the zipper down slowly, watching her carefully to make sure she didn’t protest.

“Al-an, please hurry it up, just rip the band-aid off,” Robin whined. 

Al-an understood the intent and got to work removing her wetsuit. He laid it down beneath her as to separate her from the cold ground when he laid her down. 

Part of him was curious about her anatomy - about the opportunity to examine her physical features and characteristics, to see how he could interact with them, but a much larger part of him was worried and respectful of her wishes. So he looked at her wound and nothing else. 

He glowed a soft green as he processed the visuals before him and the vitals he could read. The injury was inflamed and red as well as quite raw from the repeated friction from the wetsuit. In a few places it bled and the whole thing definitely seemed worse than he expected it was this morning (even though he never got to see it).

Al-an could also sense the adrenaline coursing through her veins, her heartbeat quickened by pain and anxiety. 

“I do not have the necessary resources to treat this right now.” He spoke slowly, then looked up at her face. She could feel his gaze and opened her eyes slightly to meet it. “May I do something quick to assist you before we go back to the base?”

Robin nodded. 

With that confirmation, Al-an leaned down and gently pressed his forehead into hers. For a few moments she could only see the faint glow of his face through her closed eyes, but suddenly she felt it. An overwhelming rush of relief overtook her, the pain practically melting, senses dulling. It was weird, she could practically feel her heart rate slow and her breathing return to normal. 

“What…?” Robin asked questioningly once he had separated from her. 

He clicked in a fashion she could’ve sworn was affectionate (she had no idea why she thought so, but she couldn’t shake it) and tilted his head before answering her question. “I smoothed your heart rate and breathing and assisted your body in producing endorphins and dopamine. I also dulled your pain perception.” He clicked another series of quick trills before continuing. “Do you feel better?”

Robin took in a big breath and slowly released it. She smiled weakly. “Yes. Much better.” She gave an exhausted chuckle, as if to assure him, but her face fell serious once more. “But, Al-an, I came here to talk to you about what I said, I’m so -“

“I do not wish to speak of this now. There are more pressing matters at hand - your safety.” Al-an stood up but kept her close. “Brace yourself, I am about to return us to the base.”

Robin swallowed her words, heavy with guilt. She wrapped her arms around his neck and did as he said as they took off. 

[streaminn]

Twin anon here!

I think the council of anons is incredibly funny. I’m just gonna forever imagine us all sitting at a round table or something dhdhhd

on the moderates for streamer enid note I do think my theory would die then :( definitely be more aware of what siblings Enid had. I mean I think it was said before that Endespairs fandom knew she had a bunch of brothers so the closer my twin theory is to enid the more it kinda collapses.

Also because I’m here- I never realized how sad the twin theory was till he pointed it out. Like oh my god that is devastating. Like imagine the twin you have marrying your idol that’s actually so horrifying. (It’s also a good fanfic idea for a cheating au…)

NAWH BC

Enid spent three years attached to Wednesday, going through all kinds of shit together and you're telling me-

One break, just two years of far apart so they can build their own lives and Wednesday gets married to enid's twin

Girl would be devastated. Obviously you aren't entitled to someone's feelings but Enid, who most likely has a more successful twin in terms of wolfing out and thus better connections to the birth family- holy shit, she'll be bitter. She'll wonder, what is it like, to have everything she wanted. Everything she needed. A family, better treatment and her mate.

She wonders what's it like to see them dead

Its not even an idol thing either twin anon! I like to think, Enid genuinely loves Wednesday at this point and like, it'll probably hurt to see someone get so close so easily. But she'll accept it, she's Wednesday's best friend, she needs to accept it.

And when she stands in the altar, in the wrong side of the platform, she will clasp a hand so dangerously close to her twins neck and whisper a congratulations before Wednesday walks down the aisle.

Can you blame Enid, for closing her eyes for just a moment and wishing that Wednesday was walking to her?

The toast afterwards is essentially a confession. She spills her whole feelings, of the gratitude and the greatfulness and the love she has for Wednesday. She waxes it with waving hands and trembling fingers. Wednesday is smiling at her throughout this and it hurts bc her hand is on someone else's and not hers.

Nobody reads it more than a clingy bestfriend who most likely can't spend more time with the other now. Nobody sees the shine of tears barely hidden back and theres a tremble to the glass she's holding when she finishes.

By the end of the whole thing, Enid hugs Wednesday like it was their very first time. It's tight, just like how Wednesday wanted and the sigh that she earns from that has Enid free falling back into how in love she is with Wednesday.

But, it isn't reciprocated and so she pulls back and the tears are spilling. Wednesday chuckles and wipes it away with such softness and care that was once only theirs.

She says, "I love you too, Enid." she sees the love, yes but she is blind for she doesn't see how willing Enid is to die for her. She doesn't see the regret of pushing for the necessary space between them, she doesn't see- she doesn't know that werewolves mate for life.

Enid smiles and savors the eyes of her love. She traces the skin on Wednesday's face, the dip of her dimple and gives a single kiss to Wednesday's forehead. It isn't enough, it's never enough but Enid can't be selfish so she pulls away.

She walks out of the event and Wednesday's life with such ease that it leaves her gasping down a block away.

Enid feels like a ghost since that day onward, untethered and lost in the world.

Idt streamer Enid would exist at this point if the twin thing were true 😭 she'd prob just be a movie reviewer like the og concept of sin. If she ever does become Endespair, she'll probably have a more sarcastic and melachony vibe to the streams. Not alot of Wednesday simping, just cold analytics and if you're a Lil delulu, fondness in her tone.

Didn't expect it to turn into a whole ass drabble but I'm feeling angst so I hope yall liked it.

[bl3upi3]

From “From the blood of my blood” on Wattpad by @_bl3upi3 (Multi x oc)

-Masterlist

Read it

Dear Alyssa,

I can't forget you, your scent, your presence, you are everywhere, even in my thoughts. My duty to marry Helaena is the most painful thing I have had to endure after being alive and not being able to be with you.

I wish the wine could take me away from all this and closer to you, to your touch. You have a way to ease things. I still remember that night, a few days before the marriage, when you visited me in my rooms. No one could have predicted what happened between us. I know you didn't think much of it, you just wanted to experience something as you said, but I loved it and I think it was a bad idea, it haunts me.

Every moment spent with you comes back to me constantly, like a dream I can't wake up from. Your smile, your voice, the softness of your gaze, I miss it all terribly. The weight of my duties seems unbearable without you by my side. There are nights when I wonder if you think of me as much as I think of you.

Since you left, each day seems like an eternity. Duties and responsibilities weigh heavier, and every moment without you is torture. The court is full of intrigues and plots, but none of it makes sense without your presence to bring me some semblance of peace. I am trapped in a life that isn't mine, playing a role I didn't choose.

I often wonder what you are doing right now, if you are happy, if someone else has managed to make you smile like I did. The thought of someone else near you drives me mad with jealousy, but I have no right over you. All I can do is hope that you remember me with as much intensity as I remember you.

Despite everything, I know our paths cannot cross as I wish. Family responsibilities and court expectations are too great for us to follow our hearts. But know that, wherever you are, a part of me will always be with you, secretly hoping that fate will give us a chance to reunite.

With all my affection and pain,

Aegon

Dear Aegon,

We knew it wouldn't last. I care for you deeply, but not in the way I would love a husband.

I just wanted, for a moment, to feel like I controlled my life. It was selfish of me, and it should have never happened. You did nothing wrong, but we have duties we cannot escape.

That night we spent together, although fleeting, was an act of rebellion against the expectations that weigh upon us. I wasn't seeking love, but an illusion of freedom, a parenthesis in a life dictated by obligations. It wasn't fair to you, and for that, I am sorry.

The truth is that my feelings for you do not go beyond friendship and fraternal affection. What we shared was a mistake born from the desire to escape our respective realities, and now we must face the consequences. I regret that my need to feel alive has caused so much confusion and pain.

Helaena is a wonderful person, and she deserves all your attention and love. She is kind, loving, and she will bring light into your life. You both have important responsibilities and a role to play in maintaining peace and harmony in our families.

As for me, I must focus on my own duties and the future that awaits me. I hope you find the strength to move on and fully commit to your life with Helaena. She needs you, just as you need her, and together, you can build something beautiful and lasting.

I ask you not to torment yourself over what happened between us. It was a mistake, certainly, but we are human and we learn from our errors. Use this experience to grow and become the husband and leader you are destined to be.

With all my respect and best wishes,

Alyssa

[mariailoveyou-guerin]

watched and Karl and Sharah truly the best the way they only did everything for other while the 2 others did it all for selfish reasons idk if that was one of the point’s especially the 2053 lady that was clear sign of yt people always choosing the bad guy always supporting the oppressors the genocidal maniac it was so on point really and the fact she did all for legs plz, and the fact after she k1lled Defoe she out on the crocodile yt people tears they always do when they regret something minutes after they do it watching her cry after she k1lled deofe even tho Elias literally said yes to murdering almost half million she still was on his side of that’s not yt to a T taking the wrong sides of history then regretting it definitely gave me nasty Oppenheimer vibes the way she acted never listening to the good people so many people was telling him

not to do it then started crying and having quilt only bc his mistresses di*ed and all of sudden he had regrets like from the moment I saw iris I disliked her so mad idk she just gave off nasty vibes and I was so right I love being always right and reading people characters to T!

dont get me started on Alfred I love him bc he was good for his time but the fact he gave up his family and sacrificed himself for a man he just met was so nasty but I get not wanting to frame an innocent man thats ew but he was really willing to give up his family

It’s giving Viktor from umbrella academy I will never understand characters giving up their families for somebody they just met 2 weeks ago idk if it’s a yt queer character or yt people thing it but it’s just so nasty to me like how that’s y’all family so so eww #bodiesnetflix

what a great show tho it was so good every character except iris were so amazing love them! can’t believe she still is alive but hopefully I doubt it but hope taxi driver Iris is better person then 2053 iris was she was so eww made me so sick to my stomach #

miss female Oppenheimer they way both didn’t care until someone showed the truth in their face and still they didn’t give a fcvk untill someone they cared about D worded! I now get why she was picked and why she was yt makes so much sense in reality it’s always yt people doing

that sort of thing joining the evil side, Iike you would never see Charles Sahara joining Elias they can’t be bought we literally saw Whitman saying no to all that safety in the time he was living oh what a beautiful man what beautiful soul heart he has and sharah obvi she’s 2023

she would never as the character she is, they way they picked perfect characters time lines for each other, storyline character development so complex and interesting! then there’s iris doing for the most selfish rzn! her character was so good to hate more

then Elias even because how did she believe in that bs when her own brother couldn’t get the treatment only bc he didn’t wanna join them I thought it was eveyone felling loved no matter what even if they didn’t wanna be forced to part of their bs utopia!

KARL AND SHARAH YOU SO LOVED BY ME! also not Karl flirting and asking Sahara for pint trough time once a ladies man always a ladies man god I love him! Alfred I’ll ignore ur one mistake so you are also loved not as much them but still and nothing for Iris!

I wish Karl Sahara would’ve met the way I have played back when Elias tells him her name and he’s like what Sah what so cute they were the best characters I love them so much wish they met the asking for pint so him even in his last breathes I LOVE HIM a lot actually!!

I did notice how only Karl Sahara weren’t DI even tho they were given the same cases another important point on society oh what a great show! Love it so much

[lowkeyorloki]

I have been missing asis loki more than a tad.

Possible melancholic moments (for him):

Finding out sweetheart isn't pregnant (I feel like he was a bit hopeful)?

The whole Nat situation (especially when it came to light).

Dealing with Narvi's questions after the break(up). I know Narvi missed her loads and that Loki had maybe started to (or did?) see her as a mother to Narvi by then.

I would happily devour anything asis related. I have considered getting it printed but I am worried you might add something new that I wish I could have put it the book too. If it's okay with you, of course?

Hey there anon! I understand missing the fic. It's quite nostalgic for me, as it spanned almost my entire collegiate career. Before I respond to the meat of your message, let me just say: YES OFC YOU CAN PRINT IT!! I don't think I'll add anything to asis, but I do want to revise it a bit more. I have no clue when I'll do that though, so I wouldn't wait or anything. Also... if you print it, remember my beta made a cover for the fic. Also also,,, I would love a copy 🥺🥺🥺

Anyway, onto your actual ask!

Finding out sweetheart wasn't pregnant was a very bittersweet moment for Loki. Loki loves sweetheart, and he knew even at that time that he would want to have kids with her. Meeting sweetheart made Loki ponder over everything he had given up hope for: marriage, a partner, more kids, etc. etc. When it became clear she may be pregnant, it made Loki realize he not only wanted kids, but he wanted them sooner than later due to Narvi's age.

Realistically, Loki knew it was selfish of him to want sweetheart to be pregnant. He also knew - especially after her reaction to possibily being pregnant and the whole breakup situation - that maturity-wise, she wasn't ready. Still, when she told him she wasn't pregnant, it was definitely hard for him to hear. He chose his words very carefully in that moment; recall he said "I'm happy for you. I know that's what you wanted."

In terms of the Nat situation, Loki found it unfortunate, but he didn't ultimately care outside of its effect on sweetheart. He was concerned that she was losing her best friend, but to Loki, who has only had himself, Thor + Jane, and Narvi, it may not have registered as big a deal as it should. Loki was completely fulfilled once sweetheart stumbled into his life, and so I think in a way, he subconsciously assumed it would be the same for her.

On top of that, while Loki can objectively understand he was wrong in the Clint situation (that was how I weaved his status as a villain into asis - I wanted to incorporate all aspects of his character), he made it very clear he didn't regret it. Because what happened with Nat is an offshoot of the Clint thing, Loki would have been even more apathetic to the whole thing. Both Loki and Nat have a bitterness towards each other from that, and it's a bitterness neither could fully ignore for the sake of their relationship with you.

Finally, as we saw in the Loki chapter, Narvi doesn't ask much about you/sweetheart. He simply tells Loki he misses sweetheart. Loki mentions the fact that sweetheart was a mother figure to Narvi during their breakup and the months after. Basically, Loki shut down anytime Narvi mentioned her. We saw him delve back into bad habits (such as the drinking of copious amounts of wine, or not eating) in the months they weren't together, and commiserate in general. I think in this time, Loki provided very little information to Narvi (which we saw him totally beat himself up over in the chapter he narrated). It was hard for both of them. Loki's response to devastating situations is definitely avoidance, and I think that carried over to any of Narvi's questions.

Let me know what you think of all this! Thank you for the ask and your compliments. Ily very muchhhhhhh 🫶

[breakerwhiskey]

258 - TWO HUNDRED FIFTY EIGHT

Please visit breakerwhiskey.com for more information or to send a message to Whiskey's radio. Breaker Whiskey is an Atypical Artists production created by Lauren Shippen. If you'd like to support the show, please visit patreon.com/breakerwhiskey.

Transcript under the cut. For more episodes, click here.

[click, static]

I could really use your dits and dashes right now, Birdie. I could really use anyone to talk to. Harry and I—well, all that growth and warming up and being more vulnerable…I guess I was lulled into a false sense of calm, because things finally…I didn’t think we had more to say to each other, but I guess we did.

It was you…it was you saying “our date”. Can you believe that? All of this time, everything that’s happened, and it was a little jealousy over a person I question is real half the time that finally tipped Harry over. And, you know, I’d been suspecting that she was jealous of you but…Jesus.

When I told her about your message, I guess—well, I was happy! I am happy, I’m looking forward to hearing what you have to say. But she—she read something into it because she asked me if I’m in love with you. Which is just…

Don’t take this the wrong way, Birdie, but that’s absurd to me. I’m grateful for you—more than I think I can ever fully express—and I hope that I’ve brought…well, something to what sounds like your fairly complicated existence, but I don’t know you. Not really. I know that you’re caring, and regretful, and scared—I know enough to consider you a friend and to want to really get to know you and cement that friendship. But I don’t know you like I…

I don’t know all the different kinds of laughs you have—the one when you’re being polite, when you think someone is being stupid, when you actually find something hilarious but don’t want to admit it, when you’re embarrassed or flattered, and the one that’s just genuine joy. I don’t know if you have any scars or birthmarks or that you broke your arm falling off a bike when you were eleven and haven’t ever really ridden a bike since. I don’t know the names of your parents or if you have siblings, or what you would spend your perfect day doing.

And it’s not just…the minutiae, it’s…I wouldn’t recognize you in a crowd. I can listen to any song and not have it remind me of you. I can wake up and not have you be the first thing on my mind.

I didn’t—I didn’t say all that, but I told Harry she was crazy, which, well, was the wrong thing to say because she…she blew up at me. She said that she’s felt this before, that she knows what it’s like to be on the outside when I’m on the inside with someone. That that’s what it’s always like with—

I know—I know that you can’t ever really know what someone is experiencing. How a person sees the same events that you’re both going through. But I’d—I’d really had no idea that Harry felt so left out all the time. That my friendship with the guys put her on the outs. That the easy way I had of being with everyone we ever met—with Sissy and K and Francis and Sylvie—how the way that I liked everyone and everyone liked me felt like she was always standing in front of a locked door. And that I was doing that now, that Birdie is my person and that Harry just gets the scraps of both.

I…well, it put some things into context I guess. She’s selfish, possessive, resentful of the fact that she had to share me with all of New York and now she has to share me with the world. She hates the fact that I spent all that time not talking to her and then started telling every inner thought and private secret to anyone who could listen. She’s jealous of you and she’s jealous of my radio.

And I’m not—that’s not me calling her selfish or possessive or any of that. That’s how she put it. Her exact words. And what does she want me to do with that? I—I didn’t say anything. I just walked away and came back up here. After all, it’s her turn to be the one left holding the emotional bag.

I know she’s listening right now. I know she’s gone down to the little visitor center and turned on her radio because I know she knows that the first thing I’d do is get on here and talk to you. Talk to the void.

Except it was never the void, was it? All this time, I left to find people, to hope I’d have someone else to talk to, and I was just talking right to Harry all the while. And that’s the real truth of it. So I might as well talk straight to her right now.

Sometimes I was so happy that we were the only two people in the entire universe. And then you told me what you did and I found myself wishing that I’d drive out into the world and find it full of people and then come back home to tell you and you…wouldn’t be there anymore. And I’d realize that it had all been some weird illusion, or dream, or nervous breakdown and that the whole time I’d been holed up with you, the world kept turning and it was you that wasn’t there. That you were somewhere else entirely, somewhere I’d never be able to reach. Somewhere beyond my control. I’d fantasize that I didn’t have to look for you anymore, because that’s what I was always doing.

Back in New York, back in the world, I would look for you in every room. Any party I ever went to, any museum, it didn’t matter if you weren’t supposed to be there, if you weren’t invited, any time I went into a new place, I’d turn and hope you’d be there. Every time you weren’t was a tiny heartbreak and every time you were was even worse. And there would be a tiny, pinprick moment when I’d just get to look at you, take you in, see you out of the context of us—laughing at someone else’s joke, rolling your eyes at an art critic, sneaking another piece of cake…it would be a split second where I’d get to observe you exactly as you are without me and then it’d be over because you’d somehow know I was there and you’d look over and we’d lock eyes and then…then nothing. You would look away, or I would, and eventually we’d wander into each other’s orbits, but you never came straight to me.

And then we lived together—we lived in the same house for six years, each other’s only company and I was still looking for you. I would still relish every moment that I was in a room without you realizing I was there and every time you’d eventually notice and you wouldn’t…you might say something, maybe, but you wouldn’t look back for long. You wouldn’t chase me. You never chased me. Not until now.

And that’s the grand irony of all of this, isn’t it? I kept looking for you and the moment I left, the moment I stopped looking, you started. And try as I might, I was never really speaking to anyone but you. Even when I talked to Birdie or Fox or was just trying to speak to anyone—anyone who could hear, it was…I was always just trying to talk to you. I spent months hoping it was you, that we’d be able to say through morse code what we never could say out loud.

And now you tell me it isn’t enough? That you still want more of me, that you want all of me, leaving nothing left for anyone else and I—I can’t do that. The part of me that can forgive you—however small it might be at times—that’s the part of me that wants to talk to anyone who would listen. That wants to like everyone she meets. That has wanted to be in the world. You can’t take that part of me away and still have…me. I can’t just be made up of the parts that you shaped. There has to be more of me, because I don’t think you’d want me otherwise.

I stand by what I said almost eighteen months ago—we can’t move forward if you keep caging us in. I’m going to keep moving forward and I’m not going to look back to see if you’re following.

I loved you, Harry. I did. I still lo—

But I can’t keep looking for you. It’s your turn.

[a door opens behind Whiskey]

[click, static]

[asumofwords]

Tbh at first I thought that Aemond doing a 180 and not feeling regret for killing his brother is out of character for him since he's so bent on performing his duty, plus him not caring for his mother too, but then I tried looking at things from his perspective and it made so much sense.

Aemond had always been doing his duty, working hard, and toiling after something that was easily given to aegon only because he was the eldest son. And aegon had tormented him ever since he was a kid but he still took it to his face, because aegon was his brother, and it was his duty so he basically tolerated all his antics. But then comes his love for the reader, which clashes against his duty, I remember when in Aemond's pov he mentions that he would often make Aegon divert his bullying towards himself so the reader is saved shows how much he loves her.

What was once a pure love has been trampled under aemond's foot, dirtied by his rage, anger, selfishness, yet it still is love and although it was tainted, it didn't stop growing.

Although Aemond seemed to have claimed that he killed his old self, he surely holds onto the memories they both shared as younger kids, from chapter one of his pov to the lemoncake chapter, he relishes in them, willing to forget their differences only to be with her, he knew he couldn't have the same bond as they did before, but he tried.

Yet, Aemond always chose duty over his love, he had been doing so, for long amounts of time, and it surely affected him in a way, plaguing his mind, and especially after aegon raped the reader and to her losing their kid due to aegon, knowing he wasn't able to do anything to prevent it

It was all pent up feelings of helplessness, self regret, he probably felt like a little self again, and especially with reader's words when she called it out, it angered him because he knew she spoke the truth.

And now in the recent chapter, it was a final straw for him, Aemond probably was anxious on his return hoping nothing had happened to the reader, only for the reader to be brought to the throne room and once again be questioned, Aegon's words probably angered him, and his mother not even doing anything probably made him realise the weight of the situation, the weight of her words when she said that she was all alone, and that she had no one except him, and he probably realised he was helpless.

Aemond knew what aegon was saying isn't true, he knew his mother knew that too. Yet he watched as she turned blind eye to it, just as she always had to aegon's behaviour and I'm sure that also angered him. And with Aegon getting cocky thinking nothing could stop him, that he is king and he can do whatever he wants, he tried taking what's precious to aemond, just like he always had, and then tried to proceed and humiliate the reader by stripping her.

At that moment, he felt all these things, feelings catch up to him and he drew his blade and killed Aegon, he didn't feel the sense of duty he had always felt at that moment, nor the family love he had for aegon, no, he felt pure hatred and rage. He would not let aegon take anything from him anymore.

And that not only prevented him losing the reader, but he also got the position he was stolen from for being a second son.

This is how I viewed the situation by thinking in his perspective at least, I might be wrong haha

Omg. This was incredible to read!! You’re definitely not wrong at all, Aemond and Aegons bond has always been rocky, and it just built and built and built over the years to bitter resentment! And seeing his wife, being tormented once again by his brother, he felt how he did as a kid, helpless, alone and useless, then the rage and protectiveness kicked in!

We can also see how overtime, Aemond spoke more openly about his resentment and so did the reader, the two bonding over it once again, like they had when they were kids

You have grasped Aemond so well 😭😭😭 thank you so much for this, honestly was so incredible to read! Thank you so very much !!! 🖤🖤🖤

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for withholding information from and then nearly killing my colleague...?

My apologies... I... am quite certain that I am in the wrong, here, but a.... new friend of mine is very insistent that I'm not, or worse, that I should have left him to die. I... really do not know what I should do, or how to move on from this, so I..... am seeking external opinions on the matter. I have written quite a bit of context, so this may get a bit long... but you are welcome to skip to the ending paragraph if you would like to read a summary, instead.

I....have so many regrets. The colleague in question, Y (young adult, male), is.... a very strange fellow. I never seem to be able to grasp what he is thinking or why, and he is always full of.... morbid surprises. I think... he does not care very much for himself, and he treats his life as one might treat an old rag. I have been greatly worried on several occasions that he might... do something on impulse that would result in his death — not deliberately but in apathy of the result. He has repeatedly expressed this... obsession with becoming a vampire, which... which unfortunately, I....am.

I don't think I could ever understand how he feels, but I can tell it is earnest, and runs deep into his identity. He has expressed to me that he feels like a monster, and he wishes it were reflected upon the form he lived in, as well. To this end, he has.... been feeding me in hopes of being turned, which I am quite ashamed about, already— as we have a professional workspace relationship already, this felt.... contrary to my values, or... my "scruples", as he tends to call them.

At first, he was hoping that my bite itself would turn him, but... it seems that is impossible. So now, he... continues to feed me, in exchange for my assistance in tracking down the one who turned me. I... admit that I have been... hesitant to help very much, in part because I feared what he might do once we find her. There is no guarantee that she would agree to turn him, and I don't think I could bear the weight of my guilt... if he were to be killed because I led him to somewhere so dangerous. So I... have been investigating in my free time, but I have not made much progress at all, let alone progress that I am comfortable sharing with him, and... he quite understandably had decided that he would only feed me once I return to him with results. I.... I was very accepting of this, as I... I don't like being like this, so I..... don't mind, trying to be a little more human, trying to....avoid this... need of mine. I... want to live a peaceful and ethical life, and... I thought... I had hoped... that I had the strength to do that, even with this body.

I... also have a friend now, a friend that has been a vampire much longer than I, and that... might be able to turn Y safely. However, I..... had avoided telling Y about this friend, M (immortal, female), even though I knew he would want to know.... I.... it felt selfish of me, to deny him the possibility of achieving his dreams, but it was only a slight possibility, and I.... to put it shortly, I had difficulty trusting him to care for himself, and not endanger his life again in impulsive pursuit of these ambitions. If... if M were to put his life in danger somehow, I... felt that he might embrace it, and it...would be my fault, for introducing them.

Except... one day, not too long ago, while I was out with M... I received a call from Y. He sounded distressed, he said that it was urgent, that he was in mortal danger, and to come help him.

I... left M immediately, to go and help, but after a few moments I... thought I heard Y's voice from behind me, and... by the time I turned around, I saw him standing there, in front of M, on the train tracks. He... He wasn't moving, and I could already see the train coming. I.... ran as fast as I could, pressing my limits, I... was so far away, but I didn't have the time to think, and I.... I pushed him out of the way, and the train hit me.

I.... should've thought to be more careful, I should've just.. told him about M, and not betrayed his trust like this, and maybe this... wouldn't have happened. I.... it feels like this is.... all my fault.

I........ don't remember what happened next. Or perhaps that's... a lie I need to believe. Perhaps the problem is that I remember it too well, that it haunts me. The sensations of it all. The time... blurred together, but the.... feel of it all... still burned into my mind like a scar.

...My.....body, this cursed body... rebuilt itself. And.... something.... something happened. I.... For a few moments, I... couldn't see, couldn't think, and.... and having... not eaten for a week, at the time, I... attacked him. I.... I... forcibly took his blood, and... and by the time I came to my senses, he was nearly dead. I... brought him to the hospital, and I've been told that he's... alive, that he will be okay, but I.... feel so horrible about it all.

I... turned in a leave of absence at my workplace, for now. In case... in case I ever muster the resolve to return. M has been... caring for me, in the meantime. She says.... that I have done nothing wrong, but... she also says that I should have left Y to die. I just... feel like I've.... done nothing but use and betray Y, even up to lying to him and nearly taking his life.....

So I... suppose this is where the summary should go. In short, I intentionally withheld information on a new vampire friend of mine from my colleague, who has deeply personal ambitions to become a vampire, which resulted in my colleague meeting her without telling me. In a selfish attempt to... deny him his wishes, I... intervened in their interaction, and ended up getting hit by a train in his place. The... cumulation of these physical stressors on my body, along with... having avoided eating, for a while, caused me to.... temporarily... lose myself, and... I ate and nearly killed him. I brought him to a hospital immediately and he is recovering, but I can't help feeling this could have been avoided if I had just been more honest and worked harder...

Dear tumblr... am I in the wrong? Can I... really live with this?

[aajjks]

mommy issues!JK

eunwoo and jungkook have been best friends for years. despite not being brothers biologically, one would think they were related by blood because of the closeness of their relationship. where eunwoo is the childish older brother, jungkook is the sensitive younger one who would fight tooth and nail for each other.

when jungkook was disowned by his family, it was eunwoo who was by jungkook’s side and supported his journey as a young, single father. he was worried that the damage nara dealt would make him distrust love but then he met you.

he’ll never forget the day jungkook overheard areum bragging about you and eunwoo agreed that you were an amazing teacher. once seol turned 5, jungkook enrolled him with hopes he’d be in “ms. y/n’s class” and once he did it was game over.

he doesn’t regret introducing jungkook to you because you’ve become such a good influence to seol who was in need of some kind of motherly love aside from his auntie alina. however, when he heard jungkook’s tears he begins having second thoughts about it.

as eunwoo waits for jungkook’s arrival, he begins to wonder if it was you that made him cry or nara.

“what’s wrong? What’s going on?” asks a sad jungkook with light pink eyes that indicates to eunwoo that he, indeed, has been crying.

“uhhh, you’re allegedly dating nara”

“Why would you think that I’m dating her? You know I would never do that…”

“i don’t know what you would do but what i do know is that you’ve been crying. did nara do it? did y/n do it? and don’t lie to me either because i know you’ve been crying jungkook”

~🫧

Jungkook sighs. at least someone cares about his feelings and what he’s feeling and going through and he’s so grateful for his brother like best friend because he can really tell him anything. He could murder someone and eunwoo is the type of guy who would come to bury the body with him.

“listen man I really fucked up with yn.” He cries out-finally letting his tears fall and you’ve hurt him a lot, but he’s also hurt you too much

What does everyone keep on rejecting him?

He deserves to be loved too

“I called a selfish person, and I called her a hypocrite, and I was really harsh about everything because last night. She saw me with Nara and left and the next morning I’ve went to her house, trying to apologize and explain everything that I’m not dating her and I want to be with her. She just rejected me and said that she wants things to be professional between the three of us…”

He looks at his best friend and he’s so desperate right now because he doesn’t want to lose you.

“Tell me… what should I do? so confused I really want to be with her but she doesn’t give me a chance… she keeps pushing me away.. now Nara is in my life.”

[renee-writer]

The Heart Don't Lie

AO3

It wasn’t always this way. She wasn’t always in a marriage that she regrets everyday. If they had a child? No use dwelling on what could have been.

 

She meet Frank the year that Jamie meet Anna. The difference, Frank was her professor. She and Jamie were dating.  She had Professor Randall for history.

 

It was the fight, a stupid thing.  They fought over her class load and the time they spent together.

 

“It is for our future.” She insisted, “premed is hard but necessary.”

 

“I can take care of us both. As the heir to Lallybroch…”

 

“I don’t want to be taken care of!” She screamed. It was on then. Accusations followed by more. Finally.

 

“I think we need some time apart.” He said before walking out the door.

 

She found herself crying in Professor Randall ‘s class.  Jamie, out with some friends, got drunk and hooked up with Anna.  She with her blonde hair and Parisian accent.

 

He hugged her, comforted her. One thing led to another. At first, it was nice. He, older, more mature, was a nice contrast to her hot headed ex. She changed to another history class. Anna fell pregnant and they were married. She then proposed to him, needing to find a sense of security.

 

Now, twenty years later, she is married to a man she never loved, not the way she should, childless, while Jamie and his wife have two daughters. They also seem to be in love.

 

She buries her face in her bed and sighs. Marry in haste, repent in leisure sure covers this. Marry out of spite is even worse.

 

She talks all the way home. He makes the appropriate responses, or so he hopes. In truth, his mind is on Claire.

 

When the new Randall’s  moved to Boston, he was relieved. Even with a wife and new baby daughter, his heart longed for her.

 

He makes it work with Anna. She is a good wife and mam, a woman who has no problem staying home, raising their daughters, and letting him see to them.

 

It's what he wanted, right?

 

Wrong, it is what he wanted with Claire. Not even for her not to work, just for her to be available to him. Selfish, he knows. They spent every second they weren’t in class, together. She would study, after the loving, as he slept next to her.

 

Stupid. Now he is stuck, in a marriage only bearable because of his lasses. Rose Faith and Willa Brianna are his whole heart.  

 

Anna knows this and bares it as best she can. She deserves better.

 

“They will be home for holiday. Should we wait until then to give them to them?” She worries they will catch a chill. Oxford isn’t  much colder then Lallybroch but…

 

“No, let’s drive down this weekend. Surprise them and meet Rose’s new roommate.”

 

She smiles and kisses his cheek. Resting her head on his shoulder, she stays quiet the rest of the way home, allowing her husband to daydream about Claire.

[cut-small-but-deep]

Enola Rossingol’s Journal:

Rejection (Alternate Version)

This is part 2 of Enola’s Rossingol’s journal entries. This time, it’s if she was rejected by Haytham, instead of giving in to her. I hope you enjoy!

Warning: Angst, Sadness

1755, Green Dragon Tavern, August 5th

I should have wrote this entry yesterday. Though, now I may seem fairly silly and filled with selfish desires that I acted upon quickly that day, I still tend to think to myself, how could I have gone so, so, mindless? This is not the girl I was raised up as, to follow unwillingly another man because of love? How stupid can I be? Very, it seems. Even now, I feel a creeping presence, and this makes my bones quiver.

To Haytham, a letter that will never reach you. I only wish to give you my sincere apologies on how I acted yesterday. I admit to using your vulnerability and manipulate you into maybe, just maybe, have what you wanted with me. You acted in a way that made me realize that I fell in love with the wrong man. Your heart is broken more now, and I have no wishes or desires to break it into more pieces. Haytham, you saw me at my most vulnerable, my most godawful jealous self. Then, the worst happened. Tears Down my face, regretting ever talking to you, not giving you chances to speak as I rushed to leave your… area. Now I wonder what would you have said. What is it about you that made me follow you blindly, that deeply connected my heart to feel pain, feel unworthy of you as you found the love of your life?

For the weeks he was gone, I was Ill shaken with grief of this sudden change. I didn’t realize how much Ziio meant to him until he up and left the group after the fight. When I went into my room, I couldn’t even cry a single tear yet. I was confused, concerned and overall worried something bad must have happened. Then Charles Lee entered the picture, said that he had gone to rendezvous with Ziio once more for the precursor artifact. I sat and waited for another answer from him or anyone.

John Pitcairn was awfully nice. He has a lovely wife of his own, but was there for me like a best friend. Though, the day he left, was the day you came back, yesterday.

Your eyes were so distant, yet so close. When I spoke to you, it felt like you weren’t even there. Something bothered you, and I didn’t understand that.

“Haytham, please.” I asked, arms wrapped around your stern chest, “I only ask that I can be a big part of your life.” “You are,” You said, “I do apologize for being absent here for so long. I had other business to attend. Is there anything else you wish to ask?” “I love you, Haytham. You’ve been a part of my life for so long, a big part. I only wish for more. I beg, please Grand Master, do you… feel the same?”

Your hands clench around mine, putting them in a stance of worthlessness, by my sides. When you let go, your deep crystal hazel like eyes stare. It looks like you’ve been crying. What happened between you and her? I still wonder that to this day, and each time, I remember your stern, cold breathed, shaken answer.

“Enola, you have caressed my cheeks when I was down on my knees, you have cared for my wounds, fought to defend me and my honor when it was weakened. I thank you for Everything you have done for the Order, and for me. But what you ask for cannot be. I see you as a Sister of the Order, a brave and loyal woman to the cause. Understand that I do think you are the most attractive, most wonderful lady I’ve ever had the chance to know best. Though, your love and mine are not the same. I deeply apologize, and I hope tomorrow we can continue our work here. Goodnight, Enola.” To make the heartbreak much, much worse, you plant a kiss on my head, and as I count all the steps you take to your chambers, the tears seemed to fall. I dared not to make a noise from my lips, and let you be.

As I walked to my own room that night, what was on your mind? What was going through it when I asked the simple question? Regret? Sorrow? Annoyance? Even the night seemed dark, like the night itself seemed… empty, lost like me. This rejection, I wonder what I will do for the Order, for you in future days, future nights and years. I might find another hobby, forget about the love I was careless with. I’ll still love you, the ways I’ve always done. You will be the greatest Grand Master Templar the world will ever know, and I will be there to chant your name and drink all my sorrows away.

For you, to you, Grand Master Kenway. Cheers to your health. Though, I may sound obsessive, I swear I’m not. I swear. Maybe I am going out of my mind. Being alone tends to do that to a person.