#i know we are all growing at our own paces as people but i wish you hadn’t left claw marks on me on your way past

[queenie-official]

Chapter Three: ‘First Impressions’ Bridgerton au!Anakin

part 1, part 2

a/n: so the outfits that Obi-Wan and Ani are wearing are the ones in the photos ☝️🤭but guys tell me how i had more of chapter four planned out then i did this chapter 🤨 like i fr already had dialogue for chapter four before i even started this one 😀 anyway i hope you guys like this 🥰

Once more you find yourself pacing around in an endless circle. Today was the day you were to meet him. The wedding was already set to happen in a week. however invitations wouldn’t be handed out for another two days, the council told you it would be wise to get to know your future husband a bit first- but honestly how much could you really learn about a person in such a short amount of time. it’s not like you had a week to get to know each other, no you had the day to get to know him before he’d be back off to his own kingdom till the wedding.

“you need to calm down” Padme’s voice pulled you from your thoughts. you look over to where she’s sat on the settee, a concerned look on her face. you’d asked her to come over and help distract you. to her credit she did try at first but she quickly realized nothing she could say or do would occupy your mind from the days events. “i’m calm” you say trying to convince yourself that more then her. “if you can say that while standing still, i’ll believe you” she retorts whilst standing up and walking over to you forcing you to stop pacing as she places her hands on your shoulders.

“you can’t blame me for being nervous, i mean wether this goes well or not this is the man i am to spend the rest of my life with” you vent, feeling your anxiety swirl. you felt like this was an impossible situation, marrying someone you didn’t know. obviously it was a common thing but it didn’t make the reality of it any weirder to you. “what if he doesn’t want to marry me?” it was a stupid question, the better question would be why would he want to marry you. he was being moved away from his home to a foreign place with different traditions and cultures. not to mention an entirely different climate, you’d read up on Tatooine it was a Warm desert kingdom a direct contrast to Alderaan.

“that’s a possibility” Padme answers, not the reassurance you wanted but you didn’t call padme here because she would lie to make you feel better. you called her here because she would give it to you straight but also support you the best way she could. “so then i’ve forced a man into a loveless marriage” you huff, feeling anger course through you as your once again reminded of the councils rash decision that got you into this.

“most people these days end up in loveless marriages y/n. most women at least, we have no say in who we marry it’s all decided by our fathers.” that once again didn’t make you feel any better but it was the hard truth. “this is going to be a long day” you’d slump over if you could but the corset you had on prevented you from most movement that involved bending of any form. “maybe you’ll be pleasantly surprised” you could only hope she was right.

“i know it’s silly but growing up i always imagined marrying someone i fell in love with. my mom and dad where in love when they got married, a rare occurrence for monarchs. i always pictured having what they did.” you say sadly, it may not be the end of the world that your marrying a stranger but it was the end of that dream. a cruel awakening to your inner child. “it’s not silly, most little girls wish that” Padme says sympathetically.

“if my dad where still alive he’d have ensured it a reality” you say solemnly, feeling your heart tug at the thought. “Bail was a good man, a good king and a good father” you feel your eyes gloss over at her words, it was times like this you really missed him. your father was everything to you, he was all you had when your mother passed and vice versa. losing him felt like mourning two people at once, learning how to cope without your mother all over again in addition to coping without him.

“i miss him” it came out more as a whisper, you felt that if you spoke any louder the dam would break and tears would spill. Padme was quick to pull you into a tight hug. she was a big help when you lost him, a loyal friend who you knew would always be on your side. “i can’t help but feel i’m failing him” you let out the thought that had been nagging at the back of your mind throughout this whole ordeal. “he was and always will be proud of you” she said firmly, rubbing your back gently.

“would he be proud of me for this though?” you couldn’t help but ask. “circumstances changed y/n, you’ve done what you could. besides it’s not as if this was entirely your decision” she reassured you. you take a deep breath, indulging in the hug you both shared a moment longer before pulling away. “speaking of i really need to do something about the council before another reckless decision is made.”

“the sooner you’re crowned the Queen the better” she says with a laugh trying to lighten the mood, though she was being completely serious. right as you where about to respond your conversation was interrupted by Barclay barging in, an occurrence that was becoming more and more frequent with him.

“your majesty they’re here” he said and you stiffened, the reality of the situation crashing down onto you. you knew this was coming but it hadn’t truly felt real til now.

“oh i’m going to be sick” you mumble just loud enough for padme to hear, she gives you a gentle pat on the back a silent way of saying you’ve got this. as if suddenly reminded of her existence Barclay acknowledges her “Lady Amidala pleasure to see you” it surprisingly sounded genuine, though to be fair he had been sucking up to you the last couple days clearly something clicked in his mind that you where the one who controlled wether he actually had a job or not. that or there was something else motivating him either way his change in attitude didn’t sit right with you, something was off and you could sense it.

“Barclay” was all padme said to greet him not even bothering to turn in his direction to acknowledge him properly. you had to stifle a laugh, god you loved her. she kept her head high and walked right past him, she would be leaving through the gardens so no one knew she was there. the meeting was to be kept secret from everyone aside from the respective royal families.

with a sigh you nodded towards Barclay to signify you where ready. you both walked down the hallways heading to the main foyer, with each step you took you felt as if you where being pulled down. finding it harder and harder to move forward the closer you got. these where your last moments to breath without someone beside you- metaphorically of course, after all as a royal there’s always someone at least five steps from you which was tiring to say the least.

you could swear time was simultaneously moving faster then light and slower then molasses as you watched Barclay nod to the guards to open the doors that stand as the only barrier between you and the one you are to wed. it was hard to breath? but just as quick as the breath got stuck in you it was knocked right out as one of the guards rose there voice impossibly loud to announce your arrival.

“now presenting her Majesty, the Crown Princess Y/n Organa” it honestly made your ears ring but at the very least it served as a nice reminder of where you are and pulled you back down to earth. still it all felt a bit excessive to you considering there was only four people here excluding the guards.

Walking further in so that you and Barclay where now face to face with the two men, you scanned over them quickly. they both where good looking you had to admit, what threw you off though was how drastically different they where dressed from each other. for a moment you almost thought they came from two different places but quickly brushed that off knowing good and well that wasn’t the case.

“hel-“ just as you began to greet the two men you are quickly cut off by a third party you hadn’t even noticed was there. Chancellor Valorum. “greetings you are?” he said and you paused turning to see him standing behind you, how long had he been there? no one else seemed shocked so he must of been there for quite some time you concluded. but why was he there? deciding to act like you had known he was there you turn back to the two men. to your surprise the older looking one of the two directed his attention to you and not Valorum. it brought a small smile to your face, feeling like it was a nice change of pace finally be acknowledged instead of looked over.

“I am Prince Obi-Wan first born son of the Kingdom Tatooine. and this” he gestured to the pretty blonde beside him who could easily tower over you if he was close enough. “is my brother Anakin” he finished and you felt a little giddy, so far so good right? he was tall and handsome you could only hope he was kind and had a personality as good as he looked. though to your dismay the aforementioned man hadn’t even spared you a glance, thinking on it he hadn’t looked at you even when you first entered the room. that fact made your stomach twist.

“neither of your parents are joining us?” the chancellor spoke again before you could get a word in, honestly he was one more sentence away from you clocking him in the face. but you hold your breath and maintain your composure. this time Obi-Wan does acknowledge him but only to answer his question and you were guessing to not seem rude. “unfortunately our mother and father are quite busy but as the future king they deemed it enough for me to go with my brother for this” you felt like a child who could do nothing but watch as the grown ups speak as you look back and forth from the chancellor and him.

Thankfully Obi-Wan was quick to redirect his attention to you. “your highness shall we discuss matters more privately?” why couldn’t conversation with people of power always go this way, taking to you instead of over you. you give him a polite smile before answering. “yes let’s move this elsewhere” you say with a nod. “lead the way.” was all he said in turn.

as you all walk down the halls of the castle you can’t help but notice how quiet prince Anakin was. it worried you, was he always this quiet or was he choosing not to say anything. did he already hate you- to be fair if he did you wouldn’t blame him. if the roles where reversed and your kingdom had been basically black mailed into giving you up as marriage you’d probably hate the person you thought responsable as well. you found yourself actually wishing you two where alone so you could explain yourself and hope he could understand. Then again who’d say he’d believe you, it was worth a try though wasn’t it?

unsurprisingly throughout most of the meeting chancellor Valorum spoke for you any chance he could. and just as in the foyer Obi-Wan directed his answers to you. time dragged as you guys finished up flushing out the details of the agreement more thoroughly. it was all so casual and you couldn’t help but feel sick especially with Anakin sitting right there not saying a word. you couldn’t even get a read on his emotions his face was a blank slate. it made you anxious and you weren’t sure if you wanted to just hurry up and get all of this over already or drag it out longer so you could procrastinate the inevitable.

it was evident just how long the meeting had taken when you were met with the setting sun as you looked out the window. a panic ran through you when you realized you had no time at all to talk Anakin now and the next time you’d see him would be the day of the wedding. you where now truly going into this marriage blind- not that you would of learned much about him today regardless but anything would be better than nothing.

closing up the meeting with a handshake between the chancellor and Obi-Wan, even though he had clearly held his hand out for you- you all stand up and head out of the meeting room.

Anakin had still yet to say a word, Obi-Wan being the one to speak on both there behalf’s when saying goodbye. even as they walked away you watched as he didn’t even speak to his brother, maybe he was mad and his silence was the politest protest he could do. you could only hope your whole marriage wouldn’t be like this, what an awkward life that would be. though maybe you’d get used to it at some point.

all of these thoughts swimming in your head stopped as a pair of blue eyes met yours, it was brief and for a second you thought you’d imagined it. he had look back at you right before the castle doors closed.

that’s all you had to go off of until you would meet again for the wedding day.

part 4

okay guys the next chapter will feature a lot more Anakin and yes the pretty boy will speak 🥰 this took me forever to finish 😀 mainly because i’ve been writing this in between doing work 👩‍🦯👩‍🦯 anyways i hope you all like this chapter i know it was a lot more emotional then the others but reader is going through a lot at once 😭 side note i love reading your reply’s you guys are funny and real asf🤭 that’s all i have to say for now enjoy huns Xx<3

tag list: @luvvfromme @gatekeepingirlboss

[serenescribe]

the prince's physician Twisted Wonderland | 3.7k Summary: Malleus is the prince’s physician. He reflects on everything his role entails. AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52875436 Collaboration with @ohsleepie | Potential spoilers for elements of Chapter 7

Hello everyone! This fic is directly inspired by @ohsleepie's wonderful "The Prince and his Physician" AU, and wound up being an impromptu collaboration featuring absolutely stunning and incredible art drawn by Sleepie himself! Please check him out and follow him!

I'm so happy to share this, and I hope that you all enjoy it!

The days between the prince’s passing and his inevitable reincarnation always feel the longest to Malleus.

Time, as it is, is a slow-paced thing; such is life for him as the last of his kind, a single year feeling far more miniscule for him than it does for a human. Malleus loses track of the days easily, slips up on his months and years. He is only aware of the passage of time through distant observations of festivities — celebrations to herald in a new year, for one, or the prince’s birthday, for another.

But rather than track the time through each changing year, Malleus tracks them in cycles of Silver’s life and death.

With each new reincarnation, each new cycle brought anew, something imperceptible shifts in the air. A rebirth means many things — to the kingdom’s populace, it is yet another year of a curse yet unbroken; to Malleus, it is a tangible, physical mark of his failures. But failures aside, there is something so jarring, so off-putting, about seeing the nursemaids and servants whisk a cradle through the halls of the castle, a cradle Malleus knows the contents of.

It is Silver, always Silver, a slumbering baby identical to the dozens that came before him — wispy locks of silver hair that plaster against his forehead, pudgy hands and chubby cheeks, and when he opens his eyes, those same, breathtaking hues of the brightest auroras.

Malleus always stops and stares whenever these moments occur. For an instant, his breath is stolen right from his throat by some unseen thief; his mind dredges up memories of when he, himself, was young, stirring to life old cycles when he was but a child himself, unable to comprehend Silver’s passing and subsequent return. It had taken him quite some time to grasp all of it — but then again, could one truly blame Malleus when his guardian figure, the kindly young prince his age who took him in and treated him well, had died in bed, only to reappear as a wee babe?

But when Silver returns, Malleus feels as though he can breathe again, an invisible knot in his throat loosened.

Because when Silver is gone, Malleus feels… useless, for lack of a better word. His own memories of his childhood are haphazard and spotty, mainly made up of foggy recollections of surviving in the harsh brambles of fae forests. For many, many years, he has found a purpose, was given one through being brought to this human kingdom: break our prince’s curse, and save him from Death’s unyielding grip.

There are few here who deign to interact with him beyond courteous pleasantries. They turn their noses up at him, eyes narrowing, lips twisting; it is fae, they whisper to each other, voices dripping with venom. If not for its magic, its prowess, surely we would have left it to die.

Silver is kind to him, has always been ever since he was young. So is it truly so shocking that Malleus feels so lost with him gone, and feels so relieved whenever he returns?

(And yet, intermingled with the relief, buried underneath such feelings of solace, there lurks another monster. A sense of guilt which festers, slowly growing over time.

An old memory rises whenever Malleus reflects on it for too long, of Silver’s voice:

“I wish for you to break my curse, Malleus. But I do not want to be immortal. My people have suffered for far too long, unable to grow and prosper due to my unending fate.”

He remembers a soft, sad smile.

“To relieve them of that burden, to allow them to grow with my final passing… that is what I wish for, above all else.”)

“How are you feeling today, your majesty?”

It is always odd, with each new cycle. To reacquaint himself with this new Silver — so much like the one before, in his appearance and demeanour, yet lacking the full memories of his past. Malleus knows Silver recalls just enough, especially when aided with the meticulous journals his previous incarnations have kept, but it is jarring, all the same, to reintroduce himself to someone he has known for many, many decades.

Silver blinks at him from the bed, the four-poster frame draped with too many silks and gauzes, too big for a boy of his size. His eyes are tinged with crusts of sleep, bags forming under them despite the medicines and foods they all have him eat, and yet there is such a strange tranquillity resting in his expression whenever Malleus sees him. “I’m quite alright, Malleus,” he responds, voice scarcely a whisper, soft and sweet. “And you don’t need to call me such formalities. We’ve been over this many times.”

Malleus exhales, the breath slipping through his nose.

No matter how many times Silver tells him as such — and it has been plentiful, through Silvers young and old, of different years, different decades, different centuries — Malleus still abides by such titles, at least when he first speaks to him. It gets easier as the years pass, as he acquaints himself a bit closer, as Silver inches closer to another inevitable death, but all the same—

“You are to be his physician,” a voice instructs him, the memory looming to life once more, “and you do not stand on equal ground with him. As such, you are to abide by our formalities: he is to be referred to as ‘your majesty,’ and nothing else.”

“Prince Silver,” Malleus says instead, the title a little clunky on his tongue. Silver raises an eyebrow at him, but does not push. He merely sits in place as Malleus walks over, his heels clicking against the floor, tail lashing behind the fabrics of his half-skirt. “Allow me to check you over today, if you will.”

“At this point, you need not even ask.”

The days go by the same way they always do: Malleus inspects Silver over carefully, running careful hands over every inch of his body before he adjusts his magic, and delves deeper into the beyond. His instincts are carefully attuned for any little change, anything he has never seen or felt before — any anomaly at all could give a new direction for him to research in, and a new possibility of a means to break the curse.

(He refuses to let himself think too hard about what breaking the curse truly entails. Malleus has ruminated over it over the course of many, many cycles, laying wide awake in bed, staring up at elegantly painted murals on the ceiling in the dark of night. It is always the same thing — should he abide by the kingdom’s wishes, or by his prince’s?

In the end, regardless of which route he chooses, Malleus shall break the curse. But it is the eternal dilemma presented to him that tangles his soul day after day — what would truly be better, to let Silver live past the ages of youth and mature into an all-powerful, immortal king? Or to let him die in peace, freeing his people from the burdens of a monarchy, their hopes and dreams all inextricably tied to their young and dying prince?

And, to another extent, the other part of the question Malleus thinks about, what does he want himself?

There is a part of him that feels such vibrant joy and pride at the thought of Silver thriving — to live as long as Malleus shall, if not even longer; to rule with his steadfastness and kindness, resolute as he heralds a new, immortal age of glory. Malleus knows little about the history of his own kind, but what tiny bits he can dredge up have taught him of a group of creatures with such power and perfection, such beauty and bravery. They thrived in the night, ruled from the shadows, creatures of such majestic, nigh-immortal magic with an arrogance that led to their own downfall.

As a fae himself, Malleus wonders if it is only natural for him to desire such things for Silver. To watch him grow into the ages he has never been able to reach before, to witness him at his fullest might and glory.

And yet, the mere thought of the stabbing betrayal in those auroral eyes, the sadness that may overcome those soft features, is enough to give him pause each and every time.)

He was young when they found him skulking about the brambles.

For as long as Malleus can remember, he has always been alone. Though he’s certain he remembers some sensations of warmth from before he came into being, of being cradled close in a loving embrace, all he remembers, through to his earliest memories, is of being alone.

And for such a lonely fae child, wandering about an overgrown, abandoned valley, what else was there for him to do but survive? To pounce about and gulp down whatever meals he could find, to curl up in the nooks of trees and little rock caverns to try and keep warm… and to hide in the brambles, slitted eyes peering at civilisation from afar.

He’d watched the daily lives of the human kingdom after finding out about their existence, when he was old enough to try and mimic a form similar to their own. Still, Malleus had been too scared to venture too close, some innate part of him screaming at him to stay away, and so he had simply observed from a distance… until one day, they found him.

He remembers little of that day now. It’s all a blur when he tries to recollect it — sharp grips tightening around his limbs as he kicked and thrashed, searing magic that ripped through his veins, burning those who tried to hurt him, being thrown and tossed about, immobilised by something that seared at his skin… All while screaming and yelling flooded the air, his heartbeat thumping chaotically in his ears, head spinning as his surroundings whirled about him—

And then it stopped.

And then there was Silver.

He was young then. That, Malleus recalls. He remembers everything after the pain and the panic with ease, of the way the young boy — just as young as he, with silver hair and such pretty, colourful eyes, and oh-so gentle hands — had removed the searing things that hurt him, and rubbed something that stung before it began to feel better.

“My name is Silver,” the boy told him, in a soft, kind voice that made Malleus feel… safe. “I’m sorry about the pain they caused you. I hope you’re feeling better now.”

Malleus understood him, of course, in some strange, innate way. But his tongue could not shape the same sounds that he heard, no matter how hard he tried. When he spoke, all he could manage was something that chimed and clicked, something Silver didn’t understand.

And yet, in spite of all that, Silver had such patience with him anyway. He allowed Malleus to stay by his side, to stay in his room, eating the same foods that he did — and what a treat they were, for a child who starved as long as he had! — and sleeping in his bed.

Time passed; his wounds healed. His tongue began to curl in all the right ways, taught painstakingly by Silver how to speak in his tongue in-between the periods of time where he had to disappear. Malleus relished in each and every day, the loneliness that haunted him for so long no longer looming over him like a shadow. Now, he had Silver—

Until he didn’t.

Silver hadn’t woken up one day, no matter how hard Malleus tried. Nudging him, shaking him, calling his name until his voice rose in a panic, and the door slammed open, footsteps thumping into the room. He’d been dragged away, kicking and screaming again, the same terror from years ago swelling up once more in his heart; the fire that sparked through his veins, the sheer agony and pain, the lurking realisation that he was alone again.

He remembers very little of those in-between days, the foggy haze of nothingness only pierced by a baby’s cry and the realisation that Silver had somehow returned. But it hadn’t been until years later, years of being stuck in a tiny little bedroom by himself, that Malleus could finally see him again.

Silver was younger now. Younger than Malleus himself. And finally, he explained it to him.

“I have a curse on me,” Silver told him, as simply as possible, as Malleus curled around him in his bed. “And other humans believe you can break it.”

Malleus blinked up at him, raising his head from the soft, downy cushions. “I… can?”

“You can,” Silver affirmed with a gentle smile, his voice high. He reached out, wrapping his arm around Malleus and bringing him close. “Because you’re a fae. You’re so strong. If anyone can help me, it’s you.”

The truth, of course, was far more complex than that simplistic explanation. The truth was that Silver’s curse itself was fae-inflicted and, considering the immense strength of the fair folk, only another fae’s skills would be able to eliminate the curse. But Malleus had been young, and Silver, despite his youth and the fact that he still barely recalled his own memories, was kind, trying to explain everything to Malleus as simply as possible: You are strong, and we believe in you. I believe in you.

And Malleus had accepted it, taking on his new role as the prince’s physician with a regal sort of pride.

Magic slinks through his veins as naturally as blood, the two intermingling and intertwining. It comes to him so easily, far more than even the most expert mages of the kingdom, who have spent decades of their mortal lives honing their skill to a perfect shine.

But for as naturally gifted as Malleus is, he lacks the proper training one should have. That is, not the training of human mages, for he has gone through many cycles worth of such a thing, but the training of a fae.

Fae magic is so distinctly different from that of humans, rooted in their very heart and soul, and in the power of the natural world around them. And though Malleus can adapt to his circumstances, taking what the reluctant tutors teach him and twisting it to suit his own strengths, there is only so much he can learn and do until he hits a wall, and gets stuck in one place.

If only there were other fae still alive, still out there. If only, Malleus thinks longingly, a swell of frustration burgeoning within him as he hits yet another blockade in another theory he’s been trying to test, the ink of his feathered quill dragging to a blotchy halt across the parchment as he struggles to pen what he’s been theorising into written words.

He hears the whispers of the court, day after day. Why isn’t there any progress? the humans ask, as though Malleus can flick his wrist and cure anything instantly. How many years has it been here? How much longer must we suffer? How much more must our prince wait?

And the thing is, Malleus desires nothing more than to be able to snap his fingers and dispel that wretched curse, all at once. But beyond other factors, such as Silver’s private request to him all that time ago to grant him a peaceful death and free his kingdom from the shackles of his immortality, there is the very fact that this is a fae curse, a complex, interweaving system of magic designed to loop Silver’s death, all while bringing him back every time. There is intent behind this convoluted spell, and save nothing short of somehow speaking to the caster himself, there is little Malleus can do but break it all down in reverse.

He rakes a hand through his hair, a growl spilling from his throat. The quill clatters to the table as he drags his hands down his face, biting back a haggard sigh.

The sound of knocking against wood.

“You may enter,” he calls, twisting in his chair to stare at the door.

The hinges squeak as it cracks open, revealing a guardsman who leers at him. “Your presence is requested,” they state, not bothering to hide their disdain, yet having enough basic courtesy not to let it spill into their words. “The council wishes to learn of your progress on breaking his majesty’s curse.”

Dark lips twist into an ugly sneer. The council, Malleus seethes. A group of uppity, stuck-up human nobles, who constantly die and get replaced with equally awful replacements, who keep breathing down his back about any meagre bits of progress he’s been able to make despite Silver’s attempts to get them to stop.

The downsides of Silver constantly reincarnating, needing to relearn everything all over again as he dives back through journals and jostles his own memories, is that he can’t always chase them away, telling them to leave his physician alone, and let him work. This is one of those times, it seems; Silver is too busy learning how to be a human being again, leaving Malleus stranded against a group of men who seem hellbent on making his very existence hell throughout what little bits of life they live.

But it is not as though he can deny a summons. For all his title as the prince’s physician, Malleus knows — has known for such a very long time — that his rank is meaningless without the very prince he serves.

“Tell them that I shall arrive in five minutes.” Picking up his quill, Malleus dips it back into a pot of ink, a furious frustration igniting the spark within him as he turns back to his incomplete report.

It is better than nothing, and that is worth something.

Malleus holds very little loyalty to this kingdom. What else is there for him, when he is destined to outlive everyone within it, and when they are all so bent on treating him as though he personally killed their families?

He is aware of the history between them and his own ancestors, the plentiful fae who used to share these lands until they waged war against the humans, slaughtering them in a painful, bloody battle. The humans had emerged victorious, all the fae driven out or slain, but it had come at the heavy cost of all their royals killed — except for one.

And for years, they had watched their prince grow with pride, until he had died before his coronation. And then it had happened again, and again, and again — they would find him as a baby nestled within a clearing in the nearby woods, identical in each and every iteration, and they would watch as he always died before arriving at his years of maturity, always while he was far too young.

A fae curse, they realised, far too late. How foolish they had been, to dismiss the magic struck against their prince! It is a fate worse than death, they lamented, their spirits growing weary with each new cycle. What shall we do?

Malleus is their answer to their conundrum, a solution to a problem his ancestors made. And yet, for all the supposed salvation he represents and is supposed to bring, he knows what they think of him. And though he understands it, understands the reservations and hatred for everything he represents, he also cannot help but resent them for it.

Why is he treated like he is lesser, when he is trying to help them?

His loyalty lies with their prince, with Silver, for the kindness Malleus has been shown over and over, throughout countless identical reincarnations, countless ends and beginnings. It is the reason why he stays, why he endures it all, why he works painstakingly at dissecting a curse only he stands a chance of understanding, in hopes of shattering this cruel fate once and for all.

He carries the hopes and dreams of the kingdom on his shoulders — a cruel irony, Malleus knows, considering what most of the populace think of him. He is their only hope, in the end.

But the thing is — and this, Malleus has come to realise over time:

It is easy for the humans to root for their prince. It is easy for them to hope, to pray, to plead with whatever higher forces exist out there for the fae physician to break his curse, bringing them all into a golden age of their royal’s immortality. It is easy because they are human; for many of them, they will not live long enough to witness more than perhaps four or five of their prince’s life cycles, forcing them to tell their descendents of their desires to carry on the flames of their hopes.

When one does not live long enough for their awe and admiration, their all-consuming anticipation, to melt away into something far more pessimistic, it is easy to stand strong and proclaim, “I wish for my prince to live forever; I wish for him to lead us into a new age.”

But for Malleus? For the only fae in a kingdom of mortals, destined to outlive each and every one of them by proxy of his heritage alone?

He has lost count of just how many cycles he has witnessed, from the tender years of childhood into the grown fae he is today. He has lost track of how many times he has met Silver for the first time, the servants and guards and nursemaids who care for him and guard him all switching out cycle after cycle, as more of them die and more of them are replaced.

The humans see not what Malleus witnesses over time: the piles of journals that stack up higher and higher; the heavy bags that marr the underside of those striking auroral eyes; the pure exhaustion that sinks into their prince’s every movement and word, the way he gazes upon his kingdom from towering windows.

In the end, this miserable curse can only end one way: Silver must die.

(The question still remains, pressing down on Malleus’ shoulders, an invisible burden weighing him down with each soft smile and greeting he receives.

Shall Silver live forever? Or only once more?)

[luciferism]

Zhongli x GN! Reader

summary: You and Zhongli have finally met after a few months of business correspondence and something unexpected, on your perspective, happened aside from your productive meeting: a relationship that far goes above and beyond mere business partners.

tags: 18+, smut, eventual smut, office desk/couch sex, one shot, explicit (not too much unlike my other smuts), modern Teyvat AU, Zhongli is rich lol, business people (CEOs), video taking during sex, lovestruck Zhongli

word count: 7.1K words

A/N: I'm including Genshin Impact characters now ;) Especially my all time favorite - Zhongli ♡ I mean, if I love Lucifer then it's no wonder why I love Zhongli.

[ Masterlist ] | [ Archive of Our Own ]

The two of you shook hands, you were glancing up at the clock on the wall and the windows where the sun would soon be setting. You and Zhongli remained in the room, each of you knowing the meeting had come to an end, and the two of you looking at each other as if you were expecting something more.

"That concludes everything, does it not?" Zhongli said, a faint smile curling at his lips, as though there was indeed something else that he wanted to discuss, yet he did not want to be too forward.

You study the documentations on the table with a serious expression plastered on your face. You look up at Zhongli from your seat, a soft smile adorns your face to mask the slowly picking up of your heartbeat’s pace.

"Well, we already tackled all of the most important matters down to the smallest details of this business contract. I think that is all. Unless, you wish to discuss other matters?"

You confidently stand in front of Zhongli. You're quite curious about the man's response to your question, for you do not have an inkling of what might it be that needs further discussion.

You could see that this was the part that Zhongli had been preparing for, for his gaze was filled with a quiet intensity, and his body language was that of a man with confidence.

"I have something... somewhat strange to ask you." Zhongli said, his expression shifting from focused intensity to a soft smile. He wanted to approach the topic with some degree of care.

"It is not something that I make a habit of asking people outside of my trusted circle, yet I feel confident that you would not think poorly of me for asking it.”

A raised brow is all you could do as a response to Zhongli's words. Your mind is running miles, contemplating on the possible things that Zhongli would say.

"That depends on what you are about to say, Zhongli. Regardless, I will have an open mind. What is it?” Your curious frown is still present as you nod, signaling this unequivocally attractive man in front of you to continue. As soon as your question ended, he stated;

"I would like to take you on a date." Zhongli said in a candid tone.

Zhongli was not expecting his words to carry the weight they did, but he felt a little flutter as he made his intentions known. As your interaction had gone on, he had become more attracted to you than he had intended, and he felt the need to make it known.

Zhongli was willing to accept whatever answer you gave him, for he knew that this was not the kind of thing that everyone would jump to say yes to.

The look of curious expression on your face contorts into a shocked one, then, as if immediately, the corner of your lips curve upwards in a sly grin. Your heart beats rapidly inside your chest and you hold yourself from jumping in joy.

"You wish to take me out. On a date?" Your gaze fixed on the table as you muse briefly. "I don't see any reason to refuse. So, yes.”

Zhongli felt quite pleased with your answer. As much as he was attempting to remain professional and maintain his composed dignity, he felt himself growing more and more excited at the situation.

As your mutual attraction was made clear, Zhongli shifted his body to approach your side of the table with a small stride.

"Good." Zhongli said, his voice just slightly above a whisper as he leaned toward you. As his eyes remained downcast, Zhongli lifted up both of his hands from the table, his fingers forming a diamond shape to frame your face.

His eyes remained fixed on your face, and he felt a flush of anticipation wash over him as he leaned in towards you, both of your faces now only inches apart.

You could feel your heart beating wildly in your chest, and you could see Zhongli’s eyes studying your expression. The room, the documents, the meeting... It all faded away as Zhongli focused on you, his breath wafting softly over your face as you both leaned closer together.

"I would like to kiss you." Zhongli whispered, his own breath coming in shallow gasps.

"Y-yes." You could die from the embarrassment and from the whirling emotions you feel at the moment. You did not pull nor look away from Zhongli, however. In fact, you like the sensation of Zhongli’s rough, warm palms on your cheeks and the man’s minty breath on your skin.

As Zhongli heard your reply, he leaned in closer to you, his warm and soft lips gently touching yours. The two of you shared a tender kiss, and you both found yourselves savoring every moment.

The kiss lasted only a moment, and Zhongli pulled away, smiling at you before leaning back to the other side of the table. He could see your face was slightly red in hue, and Zhongli himself was blushing, though he was able to maintain his calm demeanor.

Shaky breaths, tinted cheeks, and fast beating of your heart. You could only smile with a bashful expression on your face. You look at Zhongli’s equally flushed face and clears your throat.

"It felt nice..." Your voice trails off, the sensation of Zhongli’s soft and moist lips still very much lingers on your own. Your usually reserved demeanor is replaced by that individual who had just had their first kiss from their first love.

Zhongli saw the effect his kiss had had on you, and he could not help but feel pleased with himself.

With a quiet confidence, Zhongli looked at you with admiration, nodding slightly as he watched you gather yourself after the impromptu kiss. When you spoke, Zhongli knew there was something you did not say, but he was hesitant to address the subject first. You could see the intrigue in his eyes, as if the man was studying your reactions to your moment of intimacy.

He could see you glancing down at the table, and then back up at him with a soft smile on your lips. With a look at those lips, Zhongli felt his own breath catch in his throat, and he felt a strong desire to kiss them once more.

"Is there something you wish to discuss?" Zhongli asked softly.

Now that he's overcome your inner turmoil, your lips curl into another faint smile. The kiss left you giddy, sure, but you have to know where and when this 'date' will be so you can prepare and open up a schedule for such an event.

"Would you mind telling me when our 'date' will be?”

Zhongli chuckled softly as he looked at you, his own smile widening as he saw the excitement in your facial expression.

"I do not mind at all." Zhongli said, and the words felt natural to him.

As he leaned slightly back over the table, Zhongli pulled out his phone and opened his calendar. He spent a moment, tapping in the time and location that he had in mind, before handing the phone to you.

"Here. Is this good enough?" Zhongli asked.

With a subtle motion of your body, you lean into the table to see the time and place that Zhongli had chosen for your date. Up in the hills at the edge of the Liyue city, an exquisite restaurant, tomorrow at 6:00PM. You mused once more and then your decision was made.

"Yes, wonderful. I don't have any upcoming engagements tomorrow in the evening so this arrangement is perfect." You smile, leaning back to the comfort of your seat.

"Good." Zhongli replied, looking up from the calendar on his phone.

Zhongli could still feel a flutter of excitement in his chest as he watched you lean back, and he was already looking forward to your meal at the restaurant. He felt that there could be something of great potential between him and you, and he felt that it would be a waste if things had not progressed as far as you did.

"I have... something else I would like to discuss with you." Zhongli’s voice was soft, and his eyes studied you carefully for your reaction.

The unexpected turn of events has slightly left you immuned for what is to come. Now that you both have your impromptu kiss and agreed to go on a date, you are more than willing to listen to what Zhongli has to say.

"Yes, please. Since the business part is over, what is it?" You ask, crossing your legs under the table. You look into the eyes of this handsome man and you cannot help your stomach from flipping in a pleasant manner.

"Well, it concerns... us..." Zhongli said, his voice growing a little quieter than it had been before. He felt quite a bit of nervousness as he leaned over the table again toward you, trying to find good words to use as he considered his own actions.

"If you have not yet caught wind of it, my intention towards you may be... much more than... mere friendship." Zhongli felt his heart racing as he waited for your response.

Your heart could not beat any faster. The slight pain on the tip of your tongue is your only anchor to keep yourself composed and grounded. This is your first time officially meeting in person since you only made contact through formal letters and business communication.

"Are you... are you saying you would like us to become entangled in a romantic relationship? Significant other?" You have not answered yet, your curious and dubious nature restrains you from doing so. Is the Mr. Zhongli serious about you?

"Yes." Zhongli said. His voice was soft, calm, and serious, and his eyes held that same level of calm certainty that he had throughout their entire interaction.

"I would like... us to become entangled in a romantic relationship... If you are willing, that is."

Zhongli felt a smile grow at the corner of his mouth, his face flushing with excitement as he saw the hesitation on your face and the faint blush on your cheeks. He imagined that you did not expect someone like him to be asking this question.

"Before I answer, can I ask something?" You cannot help yourself now. This sudden proposal to become romantically involved with Zhongli is the least, no, none of what you have expected from this business union; not that it is unwelcomed, but rather, it is unexpected yet pleasant.

"This is our first time meeting in person, as you have known, and we've only had formal conversations through business letters and emails. What is it that you like about me? When?"

Questions were fired in succession. There is a subtle hint of eagerness in your tone and you want to hear Zhongli’s response.

Zhongli was not expecting your string of questions, but he could easily understand the reason behind them. He gave you a small and endearing smile, and leaned in more with his arms propping him up on the table.

"Well, I suppose I will speak as I have throughout the past few months of correspondence. You are clever, you are intuitive and you are well educated. As someone of power and position, I often find myself surrounded by fools and sycophants." Zhongli’s voice was gentle, and his eyes studied your face.

An eyebrow rose ever so slightly when you heard Zhongli’s words. The thought of being appreciated beyond your appearance is something you would like to have from your partner. A faint grin curls in your lips as you remain leaning back against the chair.

"Thank you, it is such a pleasure to hear your honest thoughts about me. When did you become certain of your... er.. feelings?" You tilt your head to the side, still trying to appraise Zhongli’s intention and his commitment towards you.

"I would say that I began to develop feelings for you over time, but it became more apparent around a month ago."

Despite his attempt to maintain his calm demeanor, Zhongli could feel his heartbeat increase, and he could feel his body heat up. He noticed the slight movement of your eyebrows, and for a brief moment, it felt as if his actions had begun to fail him. Though, Zhongli knew that that was not the case.

"May I ask you something now?" Zhongli asked, leaning forward again with a small smile. His Adam's Apple bobbed as he gulped.

You could not tear your gaze away from Zhongli’s piercing eyes. There is a rising tension between you again and it is more than welcomed on your part.

"Go ahead, Zhongli." Your tone of confidence belies your anxiety as you anticipate the man’s other inquiry.

"Are you willing to give us a chance?" Zhongli said softly, his voice carrying a slight tremble in it that he hoped you did not hear. Zhongli could see the small movement of your throat as well, and it did not take a genius to figure out that you were feeling as nervous as he was.

"We may not have known each other for very long, but I am certain about my emotions." Zhongli continued. "I think... that we are compatible, so I will ask again. Are you willing to give us a chance?”

Your decision was made a few seconds ago. You smile once again and gently give Zhongli a slight nod of your head.

"Yes, Zhongli. I am looking forward to this more romantic side of our relationship." Your eyes twinkle in nervous excitement, also wondering how this relationship would turn out since you both blurred the line between yourselves as being mere business partners.

Zhongli felt relief, and he could also notice the breath that you took in, and the breath Zhongli himself had been holding, the tension in the room becoming less palpable.

Without another word, Zhongli leaned in once more and planted a kiss on your lips. It was not nearly as long a kiss as the first one you exchanged before, but it said an entire novel.

When he pulled away, he could see the red blush on your face, and could not help but smile as he felt how warm his own face had become from the experience.

With your bashful expression, you sigh as your eyes dart around the office but Zhongli’s eyes. You could only sit still on your chair like a skillfully sculpted statue. Your heart is pounding inside your chest and a red flush creeps on your cheeks. A stray lock of hair tickles your skin and you gently tucks it back behind your ear.

"I feel the same.” You said.

Zhongli’s heart felt as if it had become a wild and untamed beast, racing wildly in his chest as he saw the color on your face and the way your eyes darted around the office. The look on your face was almost as if it were a painting, and Zhongli could not help but appreciate the beautiful expression it inspired in him.

"May I kiss you one more time?" Zhongli asked. The words were gentle, but not lacking in the tone that hinted it was not an open ended question.

Of course, as an opportunistic business person, you would not let this chance pass to feel Zhongli’s lips again. Your bashful demeanor switched to a confident one. You stand from your seat and walk to his side, letting go of your previous inhibitions.

"Yes. I want you to.” You smiled as you looked down on his sitting figure.

Zhongli saw this coming from a mile away, and he stood up to face you with a confident smirk on his face. Zhongli was not one to deny the opportunity to spend more time with such a charming person, and he felt the same amount of nerves as the first time you kissed.

His arms wrapped around you as he pulled you close for a moment, and his lips pressed against yours once more. Like before, he enjoyed taking his time, knowing that you could not resist his soft yet masculine kisses, though more passion was shown by both parties this time around.

With your emotions eddy inside, you kiss Zhongli with the same passion, if not more. Your head tilts sidewards to meet Zhongli’s intoxicating lips. Soft touches of your palms rest on his back as your hands repeatedly caress him, making a soft sound of rustling clothes that accompanies the hum of the air conditioner in his office; together with the amorous sound of your kiss.

Your breathing goes ragged by the second as you breathe through your nostrils. A hardly subtle moan escaped your throat when Zhongli slid his tongue inside your mouth.

Zhongli was caught off guard for a brief moment by the moan that left you, and he pulled back from the kiss for a moment to look at your face. Zhongli was not the type of man that would admit it, but he found it rather arousing.

Zhongli also took the moment to catch his breath, letting loose a slow exhalation, before leaning in again to continue where he left off. His arms wrapped around your waist as he pushed you back up against his office wall, continuing your kiss with renewed passion.

The passionately aggressive kiss of Zhongli felt like a bolt of lightning straight to your heart. You had to fight the urge to hold him close to you, lest you would fall to the floor as your knees gave way under your weight.

Zhongli took the moment to show you the type of man he was, one of experience but gentle and passionate. As your tongues danced and your fingers caressing one another, Zhongli felt the same rush of heat and excitement that he did on the very first time. He began to wonder just how far you would go.

After what felt like hours, Zhongli pulled away slightly, your lips still grazing against each other as he spoke in soft whispers.

"You are quite good at this." He whispered, teasingly and seductively.

You did your best to maintain your composure as you separated, and it was evident that you were trying to breathe at a normal rate after having a kiss so... intimate, as Zhongli had been. You felt as if your mind had been rocked.

"You are amazing." You said in a slightly breathless tone.

"I am glad you think so." Zhongli leaned forward and gave you a long kiss filled with emotion once again, his tongue sliding against yours and his hands firmly gripping your back and hips.

"I'm glad that we are making this leap... together." Zhongli whispered just within your ear as he pulled you near once more. Zhongli’s hands began to roam your body, and his mind began wondering just how far he could take things.

"We shall see how we mesh in other ways, I think…” Zhongli’s hands began slowly unbuttoning your shirt, and he could not help but stare at the view he uncovered. Feeling like a prey caught by your predator, your cheeks flushed furiously red and you were struggling to breathe from the excitement.

Your lips parted once again, this time with you breathing heavily and a smile on Zhongli’s face. With a gentle nudge of his palm on your chest, you were pushed back and onto his office desk.

Zhongli’s hands continued to gently roam, but with a slightly more demanding nature than before.

"I think we will mesh indeed." Zhongli’s voice was soft, and full of promise. It was not difficult for you to see exactly what he was implying.

You felt the excitement welling up once more, and you felt your heart racing in your chest as Zhongli continued to kiss you and move his hands all over your body. Zhongli’s hands moved down from your hip and back up the side of your ribs, and you could feel the muscles on your body tense as the man's hand grazed them.

Zhongli saw the passion in your eyes, and the color of your face. Your hands were shaking, and your chest was visibly heaving. You were breathing heavily, as if you were running a marathon, but Zhongli was not ready to let you catch your breath. His hands continued to explore the hidden regions of your body, each touch as careful and gentle as the first, yet also just a bit more demanding, and a bit more passionate.

"You are... intoxicatingly attractive..." Zhongli whispered and claimed your lips in a hungry kiss once more.

Zhongli allowed his hands beneath your shirt to continue on their journey downward, he slowly and seductively undressed you and you moaned under his tantalizing touch, your bare body sprawled on top of his desk. His own eyes drinking in the image of you, naked in front of him.

Zhongli began unbuckling his own belt, the soft sound of the metal rings clanking together causing your heart to flutter in your chest. He was left with his fly open as Zhongli felt those same flutters begin in his own heart, though it felt almost as if this was something he'd been preparing for, for years.

Zhongli did everything he could to keep his composure, but he was still affected by the excitement of the event.

"Ahh…” You moaned quietly from the anticipation.

Zhongli’s smile remained as his hands began to explore your body in ways that only one of your caliber could appreciate. Your heartbeat was beating loudly and fast enough to be felt by even a blind man, and you were barely able to control yourself around Zhongli.

Your hands were held down against the desk, and Zhongli leaned in close, his body right above yours and between your thighs. His lips brushed over your ear as he spoke once more, his voice barely a whisper.

"Are you ready for me?”

"Please," you begged softly under your breath, "more... more.”

All of your modesty flew outside the window as you laid bare on his office desk. The sensation of Zhongli’s hands caressing your body and his breathy deep voice sends cascades of emotions inside you. Never the need for more words, you both have the most apparent evidence between your legs.

Zhongli gave a soft chuckle, and began to trail kisses from your ear to your cheek, to the crook of your neck, and his lips soon found themselves once more on your mouth.

“Please, Zhongli.” A shameless, desperate plea was mumbled. Your gaze lingers on the come-hither look on Zhongli’s face.

Zhongli heard the plea, and he saw how you struggled to control yourself, how you were just barely restrained against his desk. After what felt like hours but were only a few minutes, Zhongli’s lips stopped moving against your ear, neck and mouth.

"I think, that... I will show you." Zhongli whispered. "Hold yourself, it will only get better from here."

Then, with only a moment's warning, Zhongli leaned back and pulled you up, and turned you in his desk so you faced away from him.

As much as you wanted to continue the words between the both of you, you found your vocal cords unwilling to continue the task as your lungs screamed for more breath. You felt as if he were a small animal at the mercy of a hungry predator, and it sent your body reeling with pleasure. Your words were gone, and only your breathing and moaning remained.

Your head turns over your shoulder, your lips slightly parted, and your body is stripped off of your clothes – exposing your bare back and rear to him. Your breath is still heavy from excitement as you let out breathy quiet moans that fill the office.

"Zhongli… please.” You beg once more, your eyes half-lidded as you look at him over your shoulder.

Zhongli heard everything, and he knew exactly what you wanted. Zhongli placed his hand on your soft and smooth back, slowly walking his fingers down your back, to your hips and your butt. Zhongli’s other hand slid upwards, towards your face, gently tugging you towards him.

Your lips were only inches from his, and Zhongli took his time, letting you enjoy this moment, for Zhongli had been building this up to this point for far longer than you had ever expected.

Zhongli’s hands slowly began to move over towards your thighs, as if measuring his next move. Zhongli’s eyes danced over your form, and he gave you a look of pure desire.

“Zhongli, please… I need you.” A soft quiet moan has once again escaped your lips. You shut your eyes close, feeling Zhongli’s weight pressing you on top of his own desk.

Zhongli smiled as he looked upon you in front of him. All other aspects of your personality were gone, only your passion and desire remained. Zhongli did not wait for you to finish your plea, he would not give you the time to change your mind.

With a swift movement, your body was turned back towards Zhongli as he took hold of you by the waist, and lifted you up from his desk.

"Hold on." He lifted you up, and stood to his feet as you began to wrap your legs around his body.

With a coy smirk on your face, you wrap your limbs around his waist and neck tighter to keep yourself from falling, not that he would let that happen, though. The weight of your head rests on Zhongli’s shoulder as you kiss the man's crook of his neck and jaw, your hot breath wafting on his skin.

"Where are you taking me?" You ask, pulling away your head from Zhongli. You are pretty much inside Zhongli’s spacious office and there's only one location where you can comfortably do the deed: the office couch.

Zhongli’s smirk only grew, and his eyes glanced around to ensure that the two of you had the privacy you desired.

Once he was certain that you would not be disturbed, Zhongli then placed you down onto the couch, and gently laid atop of you, his arms and legs straddling you and pinning you to the couch. Zhongli then whispered softly in your ear as he pressed on top of you.

"Let us begin..." Zhongli mumbled and then kissed the side of your neck, and then your jaw, and then your cheek. Zhongli’s hands roamed your body, slowly working their way on to your back, and then your arms, and then your legs, and then to the inside of your thigh. With each touch, you could feel a rush of heat and passion, as Zhongli slowly began to explore.

You could not contain your excitement anymore. Your quiet moans grow louder from the man's caresses and kisses. Your whole body feels like it has been set ablaze as you lay naked on the couch.

Zhongli’s voice was a soft murmur as he leaned down over you. "I am going to make you scream... and you'll love it." Zhongli's words were filled with a promise, a promise of what was to come. He slowly removes his lower garments completely off of his body and sensually kisses you once more.

Your half-lidded eyes shut from the nervous anticipation. You could now feel your flesh throb between your legs intensely as your moans grew louder.

Zhongli’s expression was that of pure lust as he slowly crept lower and lower, his mouth making its way down your neck, over your collar bone, and towards your chest. The tip of Zhongli’s tongue flicked ever so softly against your skin, teasingly and seductively. His hands continued to roam free, running along your legs, arms, hips and the delicate skin of your inner thighs. Zhongli’s touch was soft yet firm, as if he was exploring every single nook and cranny of your body.

"I love it… don’t stop." You whisper under your breath as you close your eyes, coaxing him and waiting for Zhongli’s next move. You began to tremble, your breathing becoming more and more labored.

"Oh... god." Your hips jolt when Zhongli’s rough hands grip your inner groin. With the pressure of the massage, you could feel every touch, and they seemed to make you quiver with excitement.

Your entire body was quivering with a mixture of nerves, excitement, and pleasure. Your skin felt on fire, and your lips parted in a gasp as you were brought to an overwhelming edge. Your hands clutched onto Zhongli’s body, grasping his tie as if to hold yourself back and bring yourself under control to prolong how long this feeling could last.

Zhongli felt your muscles tense and tremble before his own touch, and it excited him. Your body was like a river of warmth, and Zhongli enjoyed his swim in the rapids. He had been building and building the tension for some time, and your climax would be a spectacular show.

Your fingers grasped the fabric of Zhongli’s shirt, and Zhongli reached into a pocket on it and pulled out his phone. He then set it up on a small stand beside the couch. Your eyes flickered open with curiosity as Zhongli adjusted it.

"You're gonna record?" Your eyes flicker back and forth from Zhongli’s phone and to the man's handsome smug visage.

The thought of doing something brazen as recording yourselves gives you an unexpected exhilarating feeling inside despite the possible risks that comes with it. You’re both CEOs of your respective trades after all; the aftermath, if leaked, would not be pretty. Nevertheless, this makes you feel more aroused of this scandalous act.

Zhongli's smirk grew wider as he nodded at you, his own body still laying atop you and your faces inches away from one another. The phone was ready, and he would be able to take a look at this later to remember the night.

"I want to remember this." Zhongli’s voice was soft and full of intimacy.

"Do you know how rare someone like you is?" Zhongli whispered in your ear. "I want to have you captured.”

"Just in case. You know, for security." Zhongli then looked at you, his grin widening even more. "Besides, if you are as good as I imagine you are right now, it would be a shame not to record it for future enjoyment.”

Your head turns to the direction of the phone, seeing yourself naked under Zhongli’s half bare body on the screen and your legs wrapped around his waist makes your breath hitch at the sight of your bodies in a compromising position on the couch. The furious red flush that creeps on your face, chest and the tip of your ears goes barely unnoticeable as you gaze back at Zhongli’s face.

"Let's... let's just keep it to ourselves, Zhongli." Your tone is calm yet your voice is shaky.

"I only plan on keeping this for myself... Or perhaps for only two." Zhongli said softly and with a smirk on his face.

"Unless... you would like someone else to watch it as well." Zhongli then whispered, his voice dripping with seductive temptation.

Zhongli was not known for being a selfish man, and he would always make sure those that he was involved with were very well satiated, in all aspects.

"What do you say? Share with the two of us, only for us?" Zhongli spoke softly as he moved his head lower once more.

"Yes. Just for us." You close your eyes as you pull Zhongli down for a passionate kiss. This is not the time to ruin the mood and you'll deal with it later. Zhongli is a reasonable man, you trust him not to undermine both of you.

Zhongli returns the kiss with both passion and hunger; whilst finally removing the last piece of his clothing. The heat and desire that were building up inside of him for the past hour was released in that moment, and it was magnificent. Zhongli was happy to have you return his affection, and he had every intention of exploring both of your attractions in more detail.

The two of you were locked in your embrace for what seemed like a lifetime, and not once did Zhongli’s hands falter, nor his lips cease. Zhongli's phone recorded it all, capturing the passion and heat of the moment.

“Ahh, Zhongli. I’m ready.” You moan and ready for the main show.

Zhongli felt his own body tense in response to your affirmative answer, and he felt the sudden heat flow from your body. The way the muscles of your body flexed and tensed under his skin was quite intriguing, and Zhongli’s mind began to race as he contemplated different possible positions.

His hands grasped your hips strongly, and he shifted closer to you. He then began to slowly grind himself, as slowly and as teasingly as one could possibly go.

“Ohh, god.” You moaned at the sensation of his manhood grinding on your crotch. "Zhongli, take me now."

It was not a request, it was permission. You want nothing more than to have Zhongli’s manhood inside you. Your eyes flutter close once again as you open your thighs wider, giving him an easier access to your body.

Zhongli felt the moment coming, where you were both reaching close to the edge, and he made his decision. His hands gripped your hips tighter, and Zhongli began to slowly rub his tip against your entrance – teasingly, tantalizingly. His face was inches away from your own, and he whispered ever so softly.

"Are you sure that you want it now?" Zhongli asked with a smirk on his face. "Is this what you want, to be dominated by me?”

On edge, your head nods in an eager manner for your mouth fails to form coherent words anymore. You are moaning from all of Zhongli’s titillating touch throughout your body.

Zhongli felt the heat, the anticipation, and the pressure of your mumbled words. Your body begged for your own desires to be fulfilled. Zhongli’s face grew with desire as he lowered himself onto you. He was in control of this moment, and he made sure that the entire event was done with slow and seductive movements.

With a deep breath, and a slow exhale, Zhongli slid into you. His face was one of passion and joy, and he looked down and saw your face as he gasped and let out a soft moan, feeling his manhood fitly snug inside your tight walls.

"Oh... God. So good..."

Finally, the main act of the moment of your intimacy has started. Your fingers press tightly on Zhongli’s muscular back, digging your nails on the man's flesh. Your legs quiver slightly from the delicious intrusion.

"Zhongli… Zhongli…" You repeatedly moan his name like a gospel.

Your modesty has been long gone. You’re already singing Zhongli’s name in a pleasing melody, harmonizing with your loud moans and gasps. It felt amazing, the sensation of Zhongli filling you repeatedly in a satisfying steady rhythm.

Zhongli felt the nails digging into his back, the body beneath him tightening and quivering as he continued his slow movements. His face was one full of pleasure and passion, and your voice was sweet to his ears. He let his own breath escape him quietly, as he whispered again.

"Good... that's good." Zhongli continued at his slow pace, enjoying every movement from you underneath him.

Your face grew red from the intense pleasure you felt from Zhongli’s words and his own movements. He held onto you tightly, and he slowly let out his breath as he began to move. The pace grew faster as your passions grew hotter, and your bodies' movement became in sync.

Your faces were so close that you could feel the rush of air from Zhongli’s breathing and the warm dampness across both of your skin from your sweat. Zhongli’s smile grew as he felt your reactions towards him and the events that were unfolding.

It was almost as if time slowed down, for you were both in your own little world. And it was truly glorious, the movements slow and sensual, like the dance of a ballet. You breathed in tandem with one another, your bodies moving as one to the rhythm of your breathing.

And then, you moaned Zhongli’s name, and he slowed his pace and leaned forward to kiss you deeply. It was... perfect. Zhongli had found his counterpart, his equal, and it had been you all along.

"Don't stop... Zhongli." You say in between moans. A very familiar sensation of your abdomen tightening starts to join the ensemble of the different pleasures you are feeling throughout your body. As if Zhongli’s thrusts weren't enough for you, your hips meet the man's in every thrust - faster and deeper.

"Ahh! Ah!" Louder. Your moans and whimpers escape from your quivering lips on their own.

Your passionate kisses, your loud moans and quiet groans, the smacking sound of the both of your skin making contact, the faint creak of the sofa and the hum of the office air conditioner makes a perfect amorous harmony as you make love in his office.

As the two of you moved in a perfectly timed rhythm, Zhongli felt himself nearing his climax. The feeling of your tightness around his manhood as you moved together was sending goosebumps over his body. Zhongli knew that you were near your completion as well, and so he slowed and pulled back. He wanted nothing more than to spend the night together, but it was not the time for that.

Zhongli’s eyes met your gaze, and his voice was as seductive as ever. "I think I will save the finish for next time.”

Your eyes widened when you felt Zhongli pulled out and away from you now that he is so close to the edge.

"No, no, no! Please!" There it is, your most desperate begging. You clasp your legs around Zhongli’s waist and you’re determined to keep him deep inside. "Zhongli, please…”

Zhongli could not help but chuckle, for he knew exactly how you wanted to play this game.

"Oh, I have all the power, my love, and I will use it however I damn well please." Zhongli’s voice was filled with the desire of a playful tease, and his face was full of a sly smirk.

But Zhongli’s grip on your hips grew tighter, and he slowly slid himself back in once more. "But if you insist, I will indulge you then." Zhongli’s breath was heavy as he spoke once more.

He then slowly started to move once more, each step a little deeper and a little faster, and each step a little harder. The noise in the office was loud, the couch creaking under your weights as a rhythm was established once more. Zhongli continued the same movements, and you were the one now begging and writhing underneath him, your eyes shut against the wave of pleasure that had taken you over.

“Zhongli… I’m so close.” You softly moan, your body could not keep up with his movement so you let Zhongli do the rest.

Zhongli let out a low groan from the addicting pleasure, and he looked down and locked eyes with you. His grip on your legs tightened, and his pace hastened. The muscles of Zhongli’s arms flexed with the rhythm of his movements. He had no intention of stopping now, not when you were so close.

“Yes… Ah! Zhongli!”

Each moment was a dance of pleasure, the subtle movements and shifts of weight that were created by the rhythm. No, not a dance, it was an orchestra of sensation. The strings of your pleasure, the drum of both of your breaths, all in a harmony of movement and sound. It was like nothing either of you had felt before.

"Oh, my love..." Zhongli breathed, his own breath catching in his throat. He could feel the end coming quickly.

“Yes, yes! Ah! Zhongli!” Your little screams and whimpers of pleasure go even louder as you reach the peak of your euphoric climax. The tremble of your body, the instinctive jolts of your legs and curling of your toes, the arch of your back, the tightening and pulsing of your flesh around Zhongli’s manhood, and the scratching of your nails on his back; are all of your response to the mind-numbing pleasure you feel.

"Ohh, Zhongli..." You let out a loud and long moan as you continue to pulsate and pull him in for a kiss during your climax.

It was like a flood of pleasure that poured out of you, the feeling of your body gripping and pulsating around Zhongli was overwhelming. Zhongli moaned in response, gripping you tightly and taking in every sensation that your bodies were sharing together.

Zhongli’s body went rigid as your climax occurred. His body jerked and moved as if he was hit by a bolt of lightning, but pleasure rather than pain. His own release followed, and the liquid of his pleasure spurt onto you and soaked the sofa. You could feel him twitch and throb as he fills you up to the brim with his warm semen.

Your lips met in intense and passionate kisses once more, both of your breathing were heavy and body quivering with each touch of the other's skin.

"Oh, my." Zhongli breathed as you broke apart. "You're the perfection.”

As you bask in the afterglow, you slowly bat your teary eyelashes and smile in content. You can still feel your body tingling as the feeling of your climax dissipates. You glance at the phone that is still recording and returns to Zhongli’s face.

"You're amazing, Zhongli." You bite your lips then chuckles, your fingers playing with his hair. Your voice became hoarse from all of that moaning and groaning.

"It felt incredible." You shut your eyes once more and gulped. Relishing the feeling of Zhongli’s weight on top of you while the man still stays deep inside. You think this business rendezvous is more than anything productive.

Zhongli felt as though his entire body was numb, and he looked down to see a perfect pair of legs wrapped around him. There was nothing better than to hear those words said by you.

"Oh love, I can say the same of you. I have never experienced a lover quite like you." Zhongli kissed your cheek and held your head up as he took a breath.

He reached down to kiss you once more, this time in a tender and loving manner. Zhongli smiled before leaning back and giving you a kiss on the stomach. It certainly was an eventful business meet, to say the least.

Zhongli’s own body was still tense with electricity and his breathing was slow. As Zhongli sat up he noticed the phone and smirked.

"I intend to hold true to my promise of keeping that for only us."

[zzthekaiju]

Best of the Reptiles in Media - 02 - Heart

Here we are again taking a look at some of my favorite scaly heroes. And this time, we go to the realm of animation. That golden frontier where anything is possible.

A lot of people have asked me what my favorite animated film is. And ever since 2016, I've had the definitive answer. It's a film from Japan staring who might be one of my favorite animated protagonists of all time. One that I wish was recognized by way more people than just the cult following his movie got.

You could say that this character...has a special place in my Heart.

And yes, that is his name. You'll learn to appreciate it.

Omae Umasou da na (You are Umasou) (2010) is an anime adaptation of a series of children's books revolving around a belligerent Tyrannosaurus Rex who ends up adopting a baby Ankylosaurus, with all the mishaps that implies. I'll admit, when I heard about this film for the first time, I wasn't sure what to think. Surely, this free film uploaded to Youtube wouldn't possibly--

It proceeded to rewrite my brain chemistry forever. It really is a great film. It's beautiful to look at, the animation is really action-packed and cute at the same time, it's got a gripping story (which I'll get into), and above all, it's main character is a martial arts-practicing Godzilla-looking T-Rex who engages in interspecies adoption. WHAT MORE COULD I HAVE ASKED FOR?!

But enough beating around the bush, why is Heart so compelling to me?

Let's start with an introduction. Heart is a Tyrannosaurus Rex from a prehistoric world whose lost egg winds up found and adopted by a kindly Maiasaura. Unfortunately, a carefree life of fun and peace with his mom and half-brother Light is brought to an end when he discovers his true nature as a "Big Jaw" (as in, carnivore). After running away out of fear of what he might do to his family, he grows up hardening both his soul and his combat skills so that he may survive the unforgiving badlands outside of the forest he grew up in (complete with training montage).

Then, as if life wasn't done throwing him curve balls, Heart is imprinted upon by a little baby Ankylosaurus he was just about to eat (complete with calling him the Japanese word for delicious, hence the name). Soon, Heart is caught between going with his true nature or taking a few cues from his own adoptive mother...

Design-wise, Heart isn't winning any accuracy contests, but then again, no creature here is. And it hardly matters, either. This dino manages to find a great balance between looking like the kind of character I'd want a plushie of (seriously, why haven't we gotten on to that) and one that conveys great ferocity and coolness. A major part of how that's conveyed is his expressions. This guy is a GOLDMINE of reaction faces for almost every occasion. So much so that, long ago on my Instagram page, I posted a compilation of faces that either cracked me up or just showed his facial range in general.

What's your favorite? Let me know in the notes/reblogs!

Anyway, then there's when he fights. And MAN, does it go hard! Heart doesn't exactly wear kiddie gloves when he's put in a combat situation, utilizing heavy kicks and deceptive agility as his opponents barely keep pace. We see him go up against sauropods and other Big Jaws, and really, I just need to show you these GIFs to sum up what it's like.

But that's not where Heart truly shines. It's his role in the narrative. You see, in most dino media aimed towards younger audiences, the big mean carnivore is the villain. This was most prevalent in works like The Land Before Time with Sharptooth, and the Carnotaurs from Disney's Dinosaur (both of which were the stuff of nightmares for little dino nerds like me). Not that this is necessarily a bad thing. Giant theropod dinosaurs are indeed scary, so of course they make for good villains. But then you consider that most of these predators aren't hunting our adorable plant-munching protags because they're evil. It's just in their nature as predators. What are they gonna do? Go vegan?

And that's the troublesome crossroads Heart finds himself at. You could say this film offers a deconstruction of the "vicious meat-eating dinosaur" archetype. The Anti-Sharptooth, if you will. We're obviously meant to root for him because he's the protagonist and an altogether pleasant guy, but at the same time, both herbivore and carnivore are fully-sapient beings here, and Heart must feed.

The film does NOT restrain from showing him hunt down his prey, but it has the intelligence to show that this is not malice or even pleasure, it's simple survival instinct. He is a huge shade of grey in what would otherwise be a very black-and-white scenario in any other film. And it gets even harder for Heart when Umasou enters the picture.

For the record, almost all of Heart and Umasou's interactions are the definition of adorable. Little Umasou is such a little ball of sunshine both inside and out, and poor Heart just doesn't have the...well, heart...to either eat or abandon him. Seeing his exasperation while keeping him safe while also training him in the ways of fighting like an anime protagonist (complete with training montage) is all kinds of endearing and a testament to Heart's strength of character. Of course, it leads to the inevitable point where he has to let him go...but unlike the source material, it doesn't take. Umasou knows that he and his adoptive dad are as different as can be, but he doesn't care. He's his family, and vice versa, something Heart comes to accept whole-heartedly (I did it again, didn't I).

And with that, the ending to this amazing nature vs. nurture story is very bittersweet, starting with Heart and Umasou reuniting with the former's mom.

Actually, before I keep going, I just want you to know that this scene in which they finally see each other again made me go from "wow, great movie, ten out of ten" to "I NEED TO TALK TO MY MOM!!!" in less than a minute. Seriously, if you're looking to strengthen your maternal bonds, watch this movie and watch the magic happen.

Aaaaanyway, after a heated battle between Heart and the one implied to be his real dad, the truth remains that he can't stay. He's resigned himself to a life as an outcast, never being compatible with his parent and brother's kind while at the same time being shunned by his fellow Big Jaw for adopting food. Nevertheless, he leaves in high spirits, having mended what had for the longest time been a broken bond. That, and he doesn't have to be a straggler alone, anyhow.

Really, Heart is everything I love about a lot of protags in one big package. He's a reptile (a dinosaur no less), he's a badass, he's a nice guy, he rages against what he is in order to be WHO he wants to be, and he's undoubtedly dad of the year. I hope more people come to recognize and appreciate him as much as I do.

Also, he's heavily implied to be in a steady relationship with an adorable Elasmosaurus, so he's got that "interspecies romance" trope possibly going for him too! C'mon, fellow You are Umasou fans old and hopefully new, you can't tell me you don't see it too!

[thevenuscross]

composure; prologue

masterlist | next chapter

warnings: lowkey the brother is annoying in some parts, thats all tbh

word count: 2.1k

authors note: the prologue was supposed to be shorter lol, d1 yapper over here y’all.

prologue

The sounds of chatter from your eldest brother and the sounds of clatter from shoes on royal tile warped in and out of your ears. It was like you were drowning, only hearing one syllable to waves crashing you deeper and deeper. There was nothing more frustrating than when your brother began his anxious rambles, where there’s no end to it because his arrogant mind cannot be aware of others' sensitivity to the matter. He wasn’t aware of how you were trying so hard not to spin around and lash out on him; to finally scold him for good after all these years. Let him know how his rambles never helped.

You took a deep breath. In and out. Clasping your hands together in front of you, you started to count numbers in your head.

It was just…you wished he could shush his overwhelming thoughts that trembled your body in fits during these kinds of situations. But never would you let your unwanted thoughts leave your lips. You will continue to conceal them in the back of your mind like you always have and always will. If there was anyone who would conceal their own worries from the ever-growing rumors of war, it was you. You who kept your head high.

Besides, his maid was providing him with reasonable explanations for his rambles. Something you were extremely grateful for.

“If this is such an emergency for them, why must they let us run across the castle grounds to reach the common? They are lucky we were not busy.”

“Sir, if I may, no one expected for them to call upon you in such haste,” His maid said in exasperation as he tried to keep up with everyone’s pace, “We were only notified of this minutes ago.”

“Maybe you should’ve warned us quicker but no, the minute you reached the botanicals, you and my sister’s maid, both decided to dally in a story of the rumors of war instead of outright saying it was urgent.”

Your brother’s maid tried to usher an explanation, probably a reason why he and your maid started with the rumors, but, typical of your brother, he scoffed, shaking his head. “By now we've already known a war is on breach. You did not need to give us a backstory on such.”

“Yes, your Highness, but you must know—“

Tempted to roll your eyes and scoff too, you squeezed your hands. You had enough of this one-sided conversation. With the commons room only ten more steps in front, you relished in pretending to let the waves tumble in your head. The voices behind you faltered and the muffled silence filled you with tranquility. Not uttering a single word, you swiftly opened the oak doors where it was lined with gold. Returning your hands back in front of you, you bowed forward to your parents where they stood, facing each other, their own conversation falling short.

“Mother, father.” You addressed, grateful they still bowed their heads to you.

It didn’t take long for your brother to spill his thoughts onto them. “Will our army be sent to the cliffside on Jackson? Or is the war finally commencing?”

Always in your life had you let your brother do the questioning, the disobeying, the defiance. . Even if your own longed to unravel that side of you. Deep down, you know questioning your parents will not be considered lightly. They had already set the future paths for you and your brother where he will be the one crowned in ruling this kingdom. And you…you couldn’t exactly realize where your life was heading. In all of your twenty-eight years of living, you only knew manners and skills they believed fit right in case they wanted you to be a future queen.

Though your parents weren’t known to be direct with you.

“There is no war in this kingdom. Or will a war happen in the many centuries to come. The conflict between us and the neighboring kingdom will be solved within months. You of all people should not be conflicted with the lies of the rumor.”

Your brother squinted his eyes in disbelief, “Then why are our maids sharing tales of rumors of the supposed war? Do you believe so little in us to come to your call because we are older? Cross I will be if it is just simple news.”

Waves were crashing upon you again. You hid the shakes of your hands by squeezing them tight together. It was an upside to staying silent for most of your life as it made you invisible to most eyes wherever you were. Your sight scattered across the room to catch something that will hold your attention for a couple of minutes and that’s when you saw them. The both of them like statues, patiently waiting for your parents to address them.

Two knights in the room and you were the only one looking at them now.

They wore high quality silver armor, their entire body hidden by the weight of it. Their shoulders aligned perfectly with the other as their chest was buffed. A steel sword rested on their leather scabbards, a shield with the kingdom’s design being held by their left hand. Their helms of silver covered every part of their face, the only thing you can see if they were closer was their visor. You were glad you couldn’t exactly see if they caught you observing them and if they knew, they did nothing of the sort to let you know.

“Listen to your father.” Your mother’s strict tone broke your observance. Her pointed glare quieted your brother, allowing him to stand beside you and listen. “There is no war and there will be no war on these lands. Do you understand?”

You peeked at your brother. He was biting the inside of his cheeks. At first, he opened his mouth but let those unanswered questions down his throat. His fingers anxiously started to tap against his thigh in a scattered pattern. When tense silence gathered in the room, your father exhaled deeply and moved away from your mother’s side and closer to where the knights were. Your brother’s eyes widened slightly but he stayed quiet.

Once your father reached the knights, his eyes met yours then your brother’s. “We’ve noticed the crime has increased due to the…lies spread across the kingdom. As people grow relentless with royalty, me and your mother decided it was best for both of you to have personal guards.”

You didn’t notice your brother glancing over at you.

“These knights are one of the best under the royal regiment. With great skill in sword, they will grant you protection. Your guard must follow you everywhere, even if you think you might not need it.”

You wanted to scrunch your face in, a flicker of annoyance rumbling inside of you. Flocks of questions crept into your throat, your lips being the gate to keep them locked. This is what you were trained to do since birth. Keep quiet in your defiances, keep your composure in your impulsiveness. Biting the edge of your tongue and gulping your questions down and allowing your brother to remark.

It’s too late now to change.

Though for a couple of minutes, your brother did not speak. His eyes were glued to the guards. His tapping increased in pace before he shut his eyes and clasped onto his hands to stop the taps.

“If you want another body to follow us like some street dog then so be it but I know why the two of you did this.”

“Brother,” you grumbled out as he shrugged his shoulders.

“Forgive me or not but you know I am right.”

You and your brother caught each other’s glance and you saw a swarm of pleas. You couldn’t hear how he whispered a please to you. Or how defeated he was when you turned back to face your parents.

“Mother, father, forgive me, but if a war will not happen in our kingdom then why the personal knights. And if the crime is increasing because of the crippling fear of war-“

“There is no war!” Your father bellowed, face contorted. His shout rocked your brother into a whimpering boy, cowering and head low, eyes shut. Slowly, his tapping was back on the side of his thigh. “What will it take to get through your stubbornness?!” The roughness in his voice, the added texture of anger, it all made the room fall to a deathly tremble.

Your brother started in a hushed croak “Father,”

“Enough.”

Your brother bit his words so your parents could carry on. With frustration quipped, their introductions of the two knights were kept short to both.

The guard to the left, slightly taller from the one on the right, was your brother’s. Trained under the royal regiment for ten years where he earned the ranking of Grand Cross, the highest of all rankings. It was an honor to be a personal knight for a royal, but to you, it seemed like a detriment. Always on the watch, always on patrol.

Seemed treacherous.

His guard bowed with his shield and fist over his heart. Your brother eyed him but soon bowed his head as well.

You prayed for his guard.

But you couldn’t pray for yourself.

It was easy for you to stay hidden and stay polite with others because you barely were around people. Either in your room honing the skills set or visiting the town square or the botanicals alone, only calling your maid when you needed her. Your life was centered on keeping your composure.

Now he, your new personal guard, must follow you around, must watch over you, must not let anything get to you. You couldn’t help but want to push and deny any access to anyone watching you.

Though one must not allow such impulsions.

Angsty to be face to face in front of him, you gripped your hands. You couldn’t remember when he was in front of you or when his introduction was over for him. Or when you remembered when your body had a mind of its own and that it remembered how to properly greet someone. He only bowed with his head, shield to his heart.

He stared at you with eyes like a hawk. Through his visor, you saw the darkness in his eyes, the color hidden. If he’s like this, you may need to visit the town square less and less, more hidden in your room.

To your surprise, he hasn’t uttered the words of a knight, where one was grateful to serve for you, protect you. He just stood and soon enough, you wanted to stay in your bedroom for months on end. It was okay if he was only here for a pay raise.

It would ease the notion that he wasn’t into this job.

You formed a tight smile, “Thank you, Sir.”

One must never lose their composure. No matter the situation they are brought upon. That is how one should rule for their people, even if that one will never be the ruler.

It nerved you how he kept five paces behind you like he was supposed to. Or how he hasn't spoken a single word to you even though it was only you two in the halls. He wasn’t like your maid who tried to start a conversation with you, either if it was personal or something simple. She couldn’t bear an awkward silence like he did.

Upon reaching your bedroom, ready to twist the knob and enter, you hesitated. Secretly, you glimpsed at him from the side. You noticed how his shoulders were too tight and how he would slightly shift from one side to the other. Though, you weren’t worried about his awkward stance—you were more worried about how far these protocols went.

Standing there for a minute and racking your brain to ask him a question, your thoughts froze when his eyesight shifted to look at you directly.

“Are you gonna ask me something?” He uttered, muffled. A peep of irk in his tone. You spotted a slight accent but couldn’t decipher where it would be.

You battled with yourself on not asking him if his mother ever taught him respect or if he ever went through knight training.

You stood straighter than before and gripped the knob of your door tighter.

“Where would you be posted if I entered my room?”

He didn’t move. “Outside.” He stated it so obvious, you couldn’t help but to bite your tongue in hope you can swallow your words instead of chewing him out.

“Okay.”

The both of you gazed at one another for a couple seconds before you turned your knob and opened your door. Bowing to him so you wouldn’t show your hindrance, you then turned away.

“Good day, Sir.”

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

taglist: @mermaidgirl30

(if u wanna be added, just tell me!)

[babiebom]

When You Fall (III)

A/N: I have made a masterlist for sdv and in general! I don’t have many things to read yet but hopefully you want to stick around for when I do!

Tw: anxiety, mentions of death

Wc:2.8k

Previous Next Masterlist

‘To our valued JojaMart customers:

 Our team members have removed the landslide caused by our drilling operation near the mountain lake. I’d like to remind you that our drilling operation is entirely legal (pursuant to init. L61091, JojaCo Amendment). Responsible stewardship of the local environment is our top priority! 

We apologize for any inconvenience this accident may have caused.

As always, we value your continued support and patronage!

-Morris,

Joja Customer Satisfaction Representative.’

Your frown increasingly deepens as you read the letter sent by Joja. Landslide? Mountain lake? You hadn’t left your farm in days to even know that there even was a landslide. After putting the letter away, you spend your time tending to your crops. It had been a week since you had planted your parsnips, and though you were new at this, looking up the time it takes for them to grow, you think they would be ready at the end of the month, at least you hoped they would be ready to harvest then. You only had so much savings to get you through learning how to farm.

You had decided that clearing out the rest of the land would have to wait until the winter months, you had no time to learn to farm, fish, clear the farm, and now you had an entirely new place to explore when you hadn’t even ventured out past your own farm very much. You had still only been to the beach and the town, which is virtually nowhere and everywhere all at once. 

Sighing, you kick at the dirt next to the patch of parsnips you had growing, having only 15 seeds and therefore only 15 things to sell meant that you wouldn't last long at all. You knew you had to go into town at some point, and you had enough money to at least buy enough seeds so you could make money. You just wished that interacting with people wasn't something that you dreaded, it would make it a lot easier if you were at least the same level of social that you were before. 

It was difficult getting yourself to even the edge of your farm, and the second you crossed the gate your body began to feel as if it were going to cave into itself. You dragged yourself towards the town, the travel time almost doubling from your hesitation. 

The sun beamed down brightly onto the pavement, reflecting straight into your eyes. You groan as you continue on your trek into town, the sight of people making your heart sink. Hoping you would avoid everyone was dumb, but that hope didn't need to be crushed that easily. 

The closer you got, you could tell that it was just the mayor, and who you think is Maru going into the clinic. Quickening your pace, you hope he leaves you be, but knowing how old people are you doubt that will be the case. He stands in front of the clinic, off towards the side just watching what you can only tell to be absolutely nothing. Maybe he was bird watching…?

Stopping just on the edge of where he's standing, you try to think of a way to avoid him, but going all the way around, in a path that you weren't even sure existed was more trouble than what you hope is a short conversation. 

"Farmer!" His voice rings out before you can even get yourself moving again. Letting your eyes focus on him, you can see that he's looking at you curiously, as if you were someone to be studied. You force a smile to your face, walking towards him with a step so preppy you can tell that you look goofy. 

"Mayor," you approach him with a hand out, "how are you?"

"Good! Good. Say, could you come with me for a moment?"

You stare at him, wanting to drop your jaw in how unlucky you were. "Um, I was just....going to…sure." You give up rather quickly, following the man on a path behind the clinic.

You want to throw yourself on the ground and cry at the thought of going on an extra errand, but the thought is put on a backburner as the two of you approach a worn down building. 

Leaves and vines covered the windows, looping and winding in and out between loose boards and holes in the roof and walls. A large clock sat completely still, not ticking or chiming as the hands were stuck in place, reading its last working moment, time frozen for it. Chipped paint, faintly reading 'Pelican Town' makes your heart clench for the old building. It was if the town forgot about it, left it behind for nature to reclaim it. Just as you left your grandfather behind when you got too old to think coming on a farm was any fun. Just how he and your parents left you behind, stuck thinking about the past with no one there to pick up the pieces to let you still function in the future.

"What an eyesore…" Lewis looks at the old building with a look you take as disgust. You choose not to respond as the old man turns and looks at you. "This is the Pelican Town Community Center…or what's left of it anyway."

You nod, letting your eyes run over the building, it didn't look as if it had been used anytime in recent years. Or even in the last decade. You couldn't remember it being used when you were a child either. But then again, you stayed on the farm mostly. Lewis turns and looks back at the building, his face morphing into that of sadness. 

"It used to be the pride and joy of the town… always bustling with activity. Now…just look at it. It's shameful."

You fight to control your facial expression, annoyance blanketing over your form. Isn't it his job to take care of the building? Surely he could've hired someone to patch it up?

"These days, the young folk would rather sit in front of the TV than engage with the community." Again, you think, your job. It was weird he was blaming the younger generations for him not keeping up with this building.

"But listen to me, I sound like an old fool." You crack a smile, letting a laugh slip through momentarily. He looks at you in confusion, so you shake your head and motion for him to continue on his journey to the past.

"Joja corporation has been hounding me to sell them the land so they can turn it into a warehouse…Pelican Town could use the money, but there's something stopping me from selling it…I guess old timers like me get attached to relics of the past…ah well. If anyone buys a joja co membership I'm just gonna go ahead and sell it." 

He sighs as if he was really torn up about the thought of having to sell the land. Again, you have to fight to control your facial expression. He sounded more convinced that Pelican Town needed the money from selling than him being attached to the building at all. And if he was so attached why'd he let it get run down. What all was there to do in a small town like this?

"Here, let's go inside." He moves and unlocks the doors, pushing them in causing a poof of dust to fall down like a waterfall on top of your heads. You cough loudly, waving a hand in front of your face. Lewis doubles down in front of you, launched into a coughing fit from the dust. You frown, swallowing a couple times to clear your throat and sinuses. You feel your throat burn as you swallow, drier than you had ever felt it before…well not drier than when you have a sore throat but y'know. 

When the two of you are done coughing, you take a moment to look around. The inside of the Community Center was just like the outside. Taken over by nature. It was sort of beautiful to know that even when humans are long gone, Mother Earth would take everything back. But at the same time, your heart breaks again for the old building. It was obvious no one had cared for it for years. 

You could tell that the building used to be beautiful, a dusty old rug laid sort of curled up, wrinkled. The layer of dust on it covered whatever color it was supposed to be. Above that was a brick fireplace, the bricks out of place, but somehow not caved in, a plaque on top of it with dusty imprints where you guess stars are supposed to be, there are six. You wonder where the stars went, but assume someone must've stolen them. What could they have been representing, you do not know. 

Lewis looks confused as he looks around, "hmm? What's this? I guess Vincent and Jas must've been playing in here". He stares at a small hut in the furthest left corner. You stare at it for a second, a weird feeling wiggling down your spine.

Lewis makes a sound from his throat, attracting your attention. "This place is even more dilapidated than I remember."

A green thing appears behind him, causing you to jump back. It looks unlike anything you've ever seen, sort of like a little ball, if it had tiny little arms and legs, and was less round and more like dough that has been sitting on a board for a while, the bottom slightly flat. 

"What?" Lewis turns and looks to where your eyes were glued. The second he turns around, the green thing disappears, causing you to jump again and you make a noise of confusion. "What's the matter? Are you ill?"

 It's like it's impossible for you to respond, confusion taking over your senses. Instead of saying anything, you rush towards where the thing had disappeared from. What the hell…?

"You saw something? Hmm…I wouldn't be surprised if this place was full of rats." He lets out a chuckle. All you can get out is a "no". It quite obviously wasn't a rat. Unless it was green, maybe the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles got their hands on one…? No! Whatever it was was absolutely no anything you had ever seen before. 

Lewis was now in front of you, but you looked through him. What in the world was happening? Were you going crazy? 

Another one of those things popped up behind Lewis again, and this time you believe it has to be playing tricks on you. Or maybe you were losing it and having hallucinations. Terrified, and a bit annoyed, you yelp loudly. Jumping backwards. The thing didn't look dangerous, but babies aren't dangerous and they could easily give you a black eye without trying. Lewis turns again to look at what you were staring at, but again the thing disappears just as soon as he faces it. "What?" You speak aloud, confused. 

 "You're worrying me, Farmer…" Lewis lets out an awkward chuckle, so you look at him assuming from the slightly afraid look on his face that you had to look deranged. Maybe he thought you were losing it too, you had just lost your family. You would think you're crazy too. 

"Look, I think I'm going to head home. I need some lunch."

Lunch…? Just how long have you been here? You literally just walked in. Checking your watch you see that it is in fact past lunch time. You had been in there staring for like an hour and a half? Maybe that's why he thinks you're crazy.

Lewis starts towards the door, then turns and looks at you, he hesitates for a moment before speaking. 

"Hey. I'll keep this place unlocked from now on ..maybe you can help catch that rat if you have some extra time. And maybe you can stop by the Saloon tonight. Meet some people." 

He leaves you alone in the building. Strange…I'll have to come back and explore this building further. You think, starting for the door. Just before you stop and turn around or maybe I can explore now. 

Pierre's closed probably later than it is right now, he had to be open for a little while longer at least, and the walk was less than five minutes to get up here. You had time…right?

You go further inside, passing the small hut and into the hallway. There's two doors, and then the hallway progresses. With fear in your heart, you choose to go into the door on your right and are met with an empty pantry, the shelves broken and splintered across the floor. 

Finding nothing, you return back into the hallway, moving to the door on your left. This time the room is bigger. The purple carpet is torn up as well as the blue wallpaper. The room is dark and empty except for an empty bookshelf, some piles of wood and a single glowing golden scroll in the middle of the floor.

Stepping into the room you get the same shiver that you got when you had first seen the little thing and the hut, but this time it's stronger, as if it were pulling your spine towards the scroll. The light was bright as you neared, yet somehow it didn't burn your eyes. It felt more…comforting than scary, but that didn't stop your heart from beating erratically in your chest. 

Picking it up, you can't read anything on the parchment. It looks like drawings, and even then you can't tell what they're supposed to be. Putting the scroll back down where it was, you leave the room deciding that exploring the rest of the place could wait for another day. Looking at your watch you realize that you had stayed another hour in the building.

Time had gone by way too fast, and you wonder just how long you would've been staring at that golden parchment had you not remembered that you needed to leave to get to the store. 

The sun was still bright when you left though you could tell that it would begin to go down soon, so you ran hoping that the store wasn't closed. Luckily you made it to the store in time, almost falling into the doors in your rush. The store was basically empty, except for a man at the counter. 

It was smaller than you thought it would be. Awkwardly you send a smile to the man and slink into the aisles, looking for any seeds you could buy. Luckily, finding them wasn't hard, especially with a great big SEEDS sign marking where they are. You grab a bunch of each kind, reading their descriptions and grow time as you walk up to the counter. 

"Hey, it's Y/N, the new farmer! I'm Pierre, owner of this general store. If you're looking for seeds, my shop is the place to go!" He looks down at your bunch of seeds happily and you almost immediately decide that you dislike the man. Who goes into an advertisement when introducing yourself?

"I'll also buy produce from you for a good price! A little agriculture could really inject new life into the local economy."

You nod and watch him scan your seeds silently, not really in the mood to talk. Your stomach growls loudly, and you frown looking away cringing slightly. Pierre laughs as he bags your seeds. "Looks like someone's hungry! Are you gonna stop by the Saloon later?" 

You swallow and nod, rummaging around in your wallet for money. You didn't want to make the situation awkward, but you also couldn't be arsed about making an effort especially when you've already decided you disliked the man. Taking your bag, you call out a goodbye as you rush from the building. With what little sunlight you had left you could use it to work before you showed the town your face.

Working took the rest of the day, by the time you were planting your new seeds the sun had long been down. Your stomach was growling constantly and louder every passing second. Unfortunately you had run out of little things you could eat, and you don't think if you even had the snacks that they would give your stomach what it wants. 

As you approach the Saloon, you're happy you decided to go here on a weekday, though it would probably be just as busy as it'll ever be because what else is there to do in a small town? The second you open the door, you're hit with the smell of food and bright lights.

It makes you nauseous and doubly hungry. Your eyes focus on the smiling face of a man behind the counter. The sight of him fills you with warmth and comfort, almost instantly calming your nerves. Well calming them mostly. 

"Well hello there! I'm Gus, chef and owner of the Stardrop Saloon." 

[jujumin-translates]

[A3!] ★ Main Story | Act 14 - DREAM CATCHER | Episode 10 - In Order to Connect

Izumi: Well, then, let’s finally get to it and start preparing for Summer Troupe’s performance.

Izumi: Our topic of discussion is the direction of the sequel to “Water me!”.

Tsuzuru: Spring Troupe’s RomiJuli was about two people going on a journey, growing, and then returning home. So does Summer Troupe have any requests for their sequel?

Yuki: I think Alibaba should still be disregarding reality while chasing after the fantastical oasis.

Tenma: Maybe Scheherazade should get to go on an adventure next.

Muku: It is pretty nice knowing that Sinbad is free and in the clear. I hope he becomes a sailor.

Kazunari: I lowkey wanna see Aladdin past the point where his love’s been requited~!

Misumi: I hope the Genie of the Lamp is freed from the lamp~.

Kumon: I was an evil wizard during reruns, so am I gonna be one in this too?

Muku: Now that you mention it, I hope you can join us on an adventure this time, Kyu-chan.

Izumi: I agree. You don’t necessarily have to stick to your rerun role, and doing that would be more Summer Troupe-like, don’t you think?

Kumon: Woohoo! I wanna go on an adventure too!

Tenma: I also wanna show everyone a comedy that’s more powerful than our debut as a troupe.

Misumi: I wanna add some kinda daily fun element~.

Kazunari: The more we know our characters, the better we can come up with story content now!

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Tsuzuru: Alright, that should be enough.

Izumi: There were so many different requests, are you sure you’ll be okay?

Tsuzuru: I’m actually kinda grateful to have gotten so many ideas. I’ll try and put them all together into a plot in a bit.

Izumi: Good luck.

Tenma: So we’ll start rehearsals as soon as the script’s finished, huh…

Muku: I’d say it’s the same old schedule we’re used to, but something about it’s making me a little nervous.

Yuki: Thinking about the fact that the evaluation of this performance will be directly reflected in the rankings really makes you feel a different kind of tension from our usual performances, huh?

Kumon: Is it really okay for us to just continue doing what we’ve always done…?

Tenma: We’ve gotta be sure to pass the baton that Spring Troupe gave us onto Autumn Troupe. We can’t afford to stumble here.

Yuki: Not to mention that the audience will be watching our performance with the intention of evaluating it for the Fleur Award.

Kazunari: With even more rivals this time, I’m really gonna have to kick it up a notch with the flyer design~.

Misumi: And I need to work on my acting too!

Izumi: (I know there’s no helping it in this situation, but it seems like everyone’s feeling the pressure in their own ways.)

Izumi: (I wish we had something that would help get rid of all their anxieties…)

Izumi: Before their rehearsals started, everyone in Spring Troupe was feeling the same kind of pressure to win the Fleur Award.

Izumi: I think holding the workshop and being able to remember their first time acting was a good turning point for them.

Izumi: Maybe you guys should try doing something different from the usual to get a little change of pace too.

Muku: Doing something different from the usual…

Kumon: What could that be?

Tenma: …Actually, I have a suggestion.

[ ⇠ Previous Part ] • [ Next Part ⇢ ]

[faith-forgxtten-land]

idek what you'd do with this but you're a Taylor fan so peaky blinders characters and their corresponding Taylor song/s

ooooh this is a good one. and surprisingly difficult. and i'm trying not to repeat songs which is hard when all of these people are so desperately mentally ill...

Peaky Blinders Characters + their Taylor Swift songs

warnings: needlessly long

Tommy Shelby

mr perfectly fine - does this need explaining? he is mr casually cruel, mr everything revolves around you

so dignified in your well-pressed suit / so strategised, all the eyes on you / sashay your way to your seat / it's the best seat, in the best room / oh, he's so smug, mr always wins / so far above me in every sense / so far above feeling anything

dear reader - burn all the files, desert all your past lives

Alfie Solomons

london boy - i laughed with this but i will stand by it for obvious reasons

getaway car - i will take no comments on this

i knew you were trouble - he is trouble

beautiful ghosts - it mentions london and that’s good enough for me

i know this life isn’t safe / but it’s wild and it’s free

style - we never go out of style (alfie to tommy probably)

look what you made me do - honey, i rose up from the dead, i do it all the time

Arthur Shelby

this is me trying - i’m not sure i can find a song more fitting

they told me all of my cages were mental / so i got wasted like all my potential

renegade - is it insensitive for me to say “get your shit together so i can love you”?

you fire off missiles ‘cause you hate yourself / but do you know you’re demolishing me?

forever winter - he’s up, 5am, wasted / long gone, not even listening

in short, poor arthur

Polly Gray

sad beautiful tragic - it just feels right

mad woman - i’m struggling to explain these choices but they’re correct

castles crumbling - yes

my tears ricochet - also yes

Ada Shelby

dorothea - i thought hard about this one so you better agree

you got shiny friends since you left town

it’s never too late to come back to my side

fearless - she is

a place in this world - i'm just a girl / trying to find a place in this world

ours - communism

John Shelby

i forgot that you existed - i am sorry john

the way i loved you - he and esme are crazy

but i miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain / it’s 2am and i’m cursing your name

can you tell i struggled

girl at home - you’re married john

Michael Gray

foolish one - he’s dumb as hell

never grow up - just is, could be him or polly

the lucky one - you wonder if you’ll make it out alive

bad blood - well

Grace Burgess

when emma falls in love - when emma falls in love, she paces the floor / closes the blinds and locks the door

she won’t walk away, unless she knows she absolutely has to leave

and all the bad boys would be good boys / if they only had a chance to love her

Lizzie Stark

don’t you - this fits her so well and i will not entertain any arguments about it

i heard she’s nothing like me / i’m sure she’ll make you happy

sometimes, i really wish that i could hate you / i’ve tried, but that’s just something i can’t do

you’re losing me - we thought a cure would come through in time, now i fear it won’t

now i just sit in the dark and wonder if it’s time / do i throw out everything we built or keep it

May Carleton

august - you weren’t mine to lose

Finn Shelby

exile - i’m hilarious

you’re on your own, kid - see above

Esme Lee

crazier - yes

[ultfreakme]

Riki's Thai BL drama recs!

I'm pretty sure 99% of anyone following me don't usually watch these considering I was an anime/manga blog, then a comic blog, an ATLA blog and only very recently an unhinged Thai BL blog but hey! Maybe I can convert some of y'all to the dark side so here are my recs in no particular order!

A Tale of Thousand Stars

I lied about the order, this one's my top favorite hands down.

Plot: Tian is rich, young and spoiled but his seemingly perfect life takes a turn when he learns that he's suffering from a terminal heart disease which requires a transplant to save his life.

With little time left to live, he grows reckless and is rushed into a heart transplant after a car accident. He learns that his new heart is from a young volunteer teacher named Torfun who died in a car crash.

Feeling undeserving of his second chance at life, he follows Torfun's footsteps and becomes a volunteer teacher, using her journal to learn that she wanted to fulfill a wish- to count a thousand stars at the remote and distant Pha Pun Dao Cliff. He also learns that she was growing very close to a forest ranger named Phupha.

Phupha thinks Tian is just another city kid volunteer here to take a few pictures for his socials and leave, without giving proper care to the children and villagers he protects, but as time passes, Tian and Phupha grow closer as they learn more about one another and themselves, with Tian realizing that his motive to stay at Pha Pun Dao has grown from being about Torfun, to his own blooming ties to the villagers and the children he's teaching and perhaps... a particular forest ranger too.

My Thoughts: OKAY this??? This is a freaking beautiful show. The plot and pacing is very well done. The show sinks you into the village of Pha Pun Dao and makes you fall in love with the village the same way Tian does. The side characters and village residents are all unique and charming, the children Tian teaches are adorable and you really get to know the setting and understand why both Torfun and Tian are so attached to this place.

It's a story about gaining back freedom, about finding yourself and finding community. Tian is an amazing protagonist who grows and learns from his mistakes(and boy does he make a lot of mistakes). Phupha is a little cold and closed off but he's charming and so clearly cares and puts his entire heart into the village.

If you enjoy classic slow-burn romances with amazing chemistry and character development with an almost fairy tale-like quality, this one's for you.

2. Triage The Series

Plot: Tin is a third-year ER resident student who's forced into a time loop until he is able to save his patient, a university student named Tol, who seemingly got into a drunk-driving accident. Tin is forced to figure out a way to extend the time he's been given to save Tol, and in the process, he learns more about him and the two fall in love. But what do you do when your lover forgets you every time the clock resets? How do you save the man you love?

My thoughts: The plot is exquisite chef's kiss. The execution is so good every episode makes you want to immediately catch up on the nest. Tensions are high, and while at the start you wish for the time loops to just stop much like our main character Tin, we start wishing for more loops, more chances, as we get to know Tol.

It's a story about how people can change and should be given the chance to do so. How forgiveness, communication, empathy and understanding are key to better ourselves and others. Tin starts the series off as an indifferent, jaded medical student who believes there is no justice due to a past tragedy in his life. He has no motive to save Tol other than to get back on with his life but as he gets to know more about Tol, he starts seeing how significant and important every decision is. Tol is arrogant, spoiled and unaware of the effects he has on the people around him but he grows through his relationship with Tin and does his best to better the lives of people around him.

The side characters are so fleshed out and play important roles, the romance is interwoven with a much darker storyline that starts unfolding through the side characters. The time loops are done really well and the show tries to be medically accurate when it can.

If you're looking for some time travel, plot-heavy, character-driven stories with a bit of an epic romance, this one's for you.

3. Laws of Attraction the Series

Plot: Chan is a high profile lawyer who takes cases in terms of how rich and influential he can get, and in this pursuit takes on the case of a rich politician's son who kills a 11 year old girl in a drunk-driving incident. He hopes to clear the son of charges and gain the politician as a client but the politician fires Chan with no warning. In his quest for revenge for this slight, and growing suspicious of the politician's motive for taking him off the case, Chan finds himself a client in the form of the 11 year old girl's uncle, Tinn, who has been seeking justice for his niece to no avail due to how powerful the politician is.

Tinn hates Chan's methods and motives, Chan thinks Tinn is naive for seeking justice in a system he knows is broken beyond repair. Despite this, they find themselves growing ever close to one another.

My thoughts: The story keeps you on the edge. Like you think you've got all the information, everything seems clear, until you start uncovering the case in further details along with Chan and Tin. You start off thinking 'yeah of course Tinn's right' and he is for wanting to seek justice for his niece, but Chan is also unfortunately right about navigating the legal system. The side characters are so distinct, I think this is the one drama that has you just as invested in the side characters as the mains. You will adore all of them, especially Chan's bff Rose and her gf Maya, and Tinn's grandma-Galaxia. The little girl, Tankhao is dead by ep 1 but she is a prominent character throughout the series and you grow so attached to her, it makes the case so much more personal and painful.

The production value is kinda...not the best, out of all the shows I'll be recommending I think it's visually the least good but you won't even notice it with the plot and the romance going on.

If you like plot-heavy crime and mystery stories with a morally dubious protagonist, this one's for you.

4. Moonlight Chicken

I'm giddy and already crying at the thought of this one

Plot: Jim(or better known as 'Uncle Jim') is the owner of a small chicken rice shop in a tourist hot spot that has faced a huge hit after COVID-19. He struggles to keep his restaurant afloat and raise his rebellious nephew, when one night, he sees a customer passed out drunk in the store. The customer- Wen- is instantly attracted to Jim and after a night out together, they have a one-night stand with Jim stating he isn't looking for romance.

But Wen's fallen hard and fast, finding a sense of comfort and safety in Jim who greets everyone with food and a smile, building a little safe place through his restaurant. Jim, who refuses to let any more people into his life finds himself falling for Wen, who is lonely and unable to move on from his past relationship.

In between this, Jim's nephew Li Ming finds love with an isolated boy named Heart whose parents keep him away from people due to him being deaf. Li Ming's isolation and hopelessness from hsi financial circumstances, and Heart's isolation due to no one around him accommodating his disability leads the two boys to learn from one another and let each other find company and community through one another.

My thoughts: Look, look I know this story sounds basic as fuck, but this series is so on the nose about the queer experience. You see the generation divide between the young queers and older queers. The loneliness is so palpable and heavy.

Jim is the oldest, he's like 40, he's raising his nephew and running a business. He grew up in an environment where being gay was shameful with zero family support so though he is out about his queerness, he's still holding onto a lot of shame that was unfortunately instilled in him. Wen is about a decade younger and he's a lot more open, but understands where Jim is coming from and slowly shows him that lowering your walls and letting people in isn't bad. Jim especially is affected very much by all the restrictions queer people face legally(his ex's parents exploiting him and taking away all his money and assets because he and the ex shared a bank account but the parents claim it was solely the ex's).

Li Ming and Heart are teenagers, Gen Z. Li Ming doesn't understand Jim's apprehensions and worries and just wants to be himself. They're both gay, you'd think Jim would be immediately accepting but Jim's past experience is making him worry. Being gay has not been great for Jim, he had to run away from home and start anew.

This is also one of the few shows that show the effects of COVID. It's ALWAYS there. Every single thing in the plot is affected by it. Wen's relationship with his ex, his loneliness, Jim's restaurant, the entirety of Jim's neighbourhood being torn down- ALL FROM COVID. You just can't escape it and this entire show IS SO RELATABLE.

ALSO, Jim and Wen's chemistry!?!?!?! I feel high looking at them, Wen looks at Jim like he's the last glass of water in a desert where he's been lost for weeks, like he wants to eat that DILF alive, like he's addicted to him. Their kisses are just, so.....[unholy screech]. THIS is CHEMISTRY. If you didn't realize, they're the same actors from A Tale of Thousand Stars(ATOTS). They have perfected the art of longing gazes. If anyone looked at me like these two look at each other, I'll melt, I'll combust, I'll dedicate my life to them. And I think Jim and Wen's actors, Earth and Mix respectively, are super hot and very very good as actors(Earth is 29. this man looks young. but the way he ACTS fully sells the life-weary 40-year-old father figure to a teenager thing). Mix has the strange ability to make honorifics sound hot as fuck. In ATOTS, Mix calls Earth 'Chief'. In Moonlight Chicken, Mix calls Earth 'Uncle'. Now you might think the latter just cannot be hot under any circumstance but hear him say it, and you will understand.

If you enjoy slice of life romances that are character driven, focusing on the queer experience, you'll love this.

5. KinnPorsche: La Forte the Series

This is actually the Thai adaptation of Goncha-[gets shot]

Plot: Porsche is a down on his luck bartender who's trying to pay off his family debts in any way he can, participating in illegal underground fights to scrounge up money. On his break from his bar tending shift, a stranger runs up to him and offers him a hefty sum of money to protect him from people chasing after him. Porsche does so but doesn't trust the stranger- Kinn- to make good on his promise so he steals his watch.

Turns out Kinn is the heir the Theerpanyakul mafia family, and tracks down Porsche to hire him as his bodyguard.

My thoughts: You've likely seen extremely beautiful gifs from this series in wondrous colors as characters fuck each other senseless. Or torture each other, It really depends. All the shows I've recommended, I think, are better appreciated by an older audience, but this one is firmly 18+ officially. There's violence, gore, torture, sexual assault, drug abuse, alcohol abuse and a million other things that I forgot because my god this series goes to some dark, dark places.

Yes the sex scenes are great we stan but despite how thirsty the fandom can seem and how the show presents, there's so much more going on in the show in terms of plot.

It's kind of a tragedy, actually, especially for Porsche. The show is his corruption arc. He does things and acts in ways that he doesn't want because he fell in love with the wrong guy. They're trying to protect their love in a world filled with mistrust. I think the story is about cycles of abuse and violence, and the attempts to escape them.

For Porsche, he's stuck in a cycle of debts and being passed off from one ruling figure to another. In the beginning of the series, the debt collectors rule his life. As a bodyguard, the mafia rules his life. He's always under someone's thumb and he's trying so hard to get out.

For Kinn, it's the mafia. He doesn't want to be the heir, he doesn't want to do any of this but he has to because that's just what his family does. Porsche is a brief glimpse at escape but unfortunately, they're both dragged in.

It's not perfect, but it's so fun to watch.

If you like mafia romances that actually show the mafia side, angst, action and mystery, and are chill with all the trigger warnings this show has, this one's for you.

[sinbadalexandros]

Please help by donating to my book ‘I Hide Among the Words” to make it across the finish line to publication. PayPal.Me link: paypal.me/forcedevolutio…

I Hide Among the Words

By Sinbad Alexandros

Poetry and Prose from within a schizophrenic's mind, heart and soul. Come explore, find me, and maybe a little of  yourselves. We are not so different.

322 pieces of my own work written over the last 40 years and 14 by my protege & fiance, Jaira Gena, in the final chapter of the book

tinyurl.com/Soul-Poetry

This is the first time I have written something which I said to, as a quote, and it became something else. First, a 4-line poem, and then a poetic story verse where I try to explain something to a friend. What's unusual about it is I tried to write it from the female perspective for her. Both works share the same name.

"Cages 1"

{ 4-line poem / quote}

"Not all cages,

are of metal, wood, or stone.

Sometimes we consign ourselves,

to a prison of flesh, blood, and bone."

"Cages 2"

{ Poetical Story Verse }

I feel chained up, like I'm all tied down,

but I'm lying in the park, lazily upon the ground.

Can't figure out what's up, don't know what's wrong,

so, I do some daydreaming, while listening to a song.

The next song begins to play, the lyrics strike deep to my core,

they make me hurt in every way, and there is no mystery anymore.

I see people fight like children, every day they scream and yell,

they act like complete animals; it feels like we’re living in hell.

I think no one understands me, no way they could feel the same,

our lives are so very different, and most think it's a big game.

I feel broken and damaged, in this there is no crime,

but others did this to me, with their actions over time.

As the days grow colder, and the light becomes dim,

my mind begins to wonder, will I sink, or will I swim?

I wish to know freedom, and experience real love,

please send me an angel, from the sky up above.

After long years of searching, I finally meet someone new,

who treats me so special, to keep me from being blue.

We go out on some dates, and I have an amazing time,

I wonder if he's like the others, Will he also commit a crime?

I want him to hold me, and to kiss my sweet lips,

yet I'm afraid all he wants, is only between my hips.

I hope he won’t hurt me; his love feels oh so real,

he is different from others, and makes me start to reel.

I talk to him of my fears, and try to drive him away,

he stands his ground firmly, and says, “I'm here to stay.” 

He speaks to my heart, with love in his voice,

to give it reassurance, he made the right choice.

We talked of our bad times, and seeing tragedy’s vision,

then what he did to escape, from his own lonely prison.

And I now realize not all cages, are of metal, wood, or stone.

Sometimes we consign ourselves, to a prison of flesh, blood, and bone.

But every jail can be opened, no matter how solid its pawls,

by offering love and compassion, you can bring down the walls.

He’s healing my damaged heart, and wishes to unshatter my soul,

I wonder if he's strong enough. Can he reach such a lofty goal?

Something has started now, I’m not sure I can finish,

and if it all goes wrong, the man I love will diminish.

We take things slowly, setting our own pace,

leaving those around us, to fight the rat race.

And each day gets better, than the ones before,

being given more reasons, to protect a man I adore.

Perhaps it’s manifest destiny, or just a simple trick of life,

all that time longing for love, and now I’m becoming a wife.

[best-jimmy-buffett-song]

Round 1 Schedule

Below are all the matchups scheduled for Round 1... I'll update this with links to each post as I get them posted.

GROUP D.2 NOW VOTING! (11/13/23)

Group A.1, starting 9/25/23

Peanut Butter Conspiracy vs It's My Job

Beach House on the Moon vs. Banana Wind

Come to the Moon vs Quietly Making Noise

A Mile High in Denver vs. I Wish Lunch Could Last Forever

Mañana vs. Take Another Road

It's Five O'clock Somewhere vs. Cheeseburger in Paradise

Treat Her Like a Lady vs. Mental Floss

Semi-True Story vs. Son of a Son of a Sailor

Group A.2, starting 10/2/23:

Brown Eyed Girl vs. Someday I Will

Little Miss Magic vs. In the Shelter

Volcano vs. Changes in Latitude, Changes in Attitudes

Migration vs. Coast of Marseilles

Life is a Tire Swing vs Bama Breeze

Sailboat for Sale vs. Havana Day Dreaming

Boat Drinks vs. Nobody From Nowhere

Permanent Reminder of a Temporary Feeling vs. Stranded on a Sandbar

Group B.1, starting 10/9/23:

Grapefruit - Juicy Fruit vs Savannah Fare You Well

The City vs. Gypsies in the Palace

Biloxi vs. I Will Play For Gumbo

Twelve Volt Man vs Overkill

Lucky Stars vs Knees of my Heart

Frenchman for the Night vs. My Heart Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don't Love Jesus

Slack Tide vs. Lovely Cruise

Who's That Blonde Stranger vs. Banana Republics

Group B.2, starting 10/16/23:

He Went to Paris vs. Bubbles Up

Nothing But a Breeze vs. Tonight I Just Need My Guitar

When Salome Plays the Drums vs. Stars Fell on Alabama

Growing Older But Not Up vs Why Don't we Get Drunk

Coastal Confessions vs Fins

Apocalypso vs. False Echoes

Nautical Wheelers vs. Southern Cross

Margaritaville vs. Oysters and Pearls

Group C.1, starting 10/23/23

Island vs. Only Time Will Tell

Changing Channels vs. Down at the Lah De Dah

Mademoiselle vs Coconut Telegraph

Livingston Saturday Night vs. The Weather is Here, I Wish You Were Beautiful

Something so Feminine About a Mandolin vs Burn the Bridge

Coast of Carolina vs. Reggabilly Hill

Desdemona's Building a Rocketship vs. Mr. Spaceman

Barefoot Children vs. Flesh and Bone

Group C.2, starting 10/30/23:

We Are The People Our Parents Warned Us About vs Ragtop Day

Pencil Thin Mustache vs. Fruitcakes

I Heard I was in Town vs Bring Back the Music

Delaney Talks to Statues vs A Pirate Looks at 40

Love in the Library vs Knee Deep

Sail on Sailor vs Tin Cup Chalice

Homemade Music vs Great Heart

Breathe in, Breathe out, Move on vs Pacing the Cage

Group D.1, starting 11/6/23

The Last Mango in Paris vs First Look

Six String Music vs God's Own Drunk

Tides vs Come Monday

Oldest Surfer on the Beach vs Jolly Mon Sing

No Plane on Sunday vs I Don't Know and I Don't Care

Wonder Why We Ever Go Home vs Cultural Infidel

Love and Luck vs Take it back

Steamer vs Caribbean Amphibian

Group D.2, starting 11/13/23:

Livingston's Gone to Texas vs Schoolboy Heart

One Particular Harbor vs The Christian

Ballad of Spider John vs Wings

Jamaica Mistaica vs Happily Ever After (Now and Then)

The Captain and the Kid vs Lone Palm

Slow Lane vs Vampires, Mummies, and the Holy Ghost

Death of an Unpopular Poet vs Trying to Reason with Hurricane Season

Railroad Lady vs Pascagoula Run

[entropy-sea-system]

A lot of people online have been saying that narcs can and should recover. I know that that statement is ableist towards pwNPD, but I wanted to ask someone with the disorder why it’s untrue from personal experience.

(Sorry for bad wording, English is not my first language)

Well I would say recovery is not possible for everyone, if someone wants to recover from npd they can attempt it if therapy is accessible for them though, thats not really ableist. It is ableist to act like thats possible for everyone though, or to act like therapy is always accessible to everyone. This also overlaps with classism and other forms of bigotry because there are barriers to accessing therapy.

Also I do think it is kind of weird they refer to pwNPD as 'narcs' with that phrasing. Some of us do reclaim the term but if egotypicals just use it like that its a little weird and implies they see us as bad since they often use 'narc'/narcissist in a derogatory manner to refer to basically anyone they armchair diagnose as having NPD bc theyre an abuser or somehow just 'unlikeable'.

Even if people with npd do go to therapy, there are unfortunately many professionals who are very ableist towards people with npd and see us as a 'lost cause' or even believe that 'narc abuse' exists - more professionals in psychiatry and psychology should really learn to respect people with npd and should know how to work with us if we decide to go to therapy for it.

Some people with npd may want to recover if they dont feel able to function well at all and they arent able to cope well with their symptoms, and thats okay. Some people may just fundamentally want to be egotypical even if their NPD doesnt necessarily harm themself a lot. It shouldn't be something we are forced to do though, and we can obviously have npd while still respecting others. Some may also not get a choice as people are coerced into undergoing therapy or institutionalised, which is another problem.

One thing I dislike about the whole idea that we should go to therapy and that therapy will magically get rid of our NPD, is that egotypicals (people without npd) tend to ask that we do this for THEIR sake. They can't handle people with npd even existing and don't want to deal with us. They assume we are all doomed to be abusers. They don't seem to give a shit about how WE are negatively impacted by having npd when they say this. It sounds as if they just want npd to somehow be erased from the world.

Either way, peoples autonomy and rights should be respected regarding therapy, and one can go to therapy if they wish. But there is no guarantee therapy will get rid of a personality disorder, and one may need to see a few therapists or counsellors to find one that truly helps them, and there is a safety risk to seeking psychiatric care for many people.

Recovery is not impossible, but people should go about it at their own pace if they seek it and take precautions as professionals in mental health may harm them, and sometimes it means more that you learn ways of coping with your personality disorder (such as skills taught in Dialectical Behaviour therapy) than exactly that it will disappear entirely. We have not gone to any therapy that helped us so far, but if we do, when its safe to for us, we would be cautious about it and gather a lot of information on who we consider as potential therapists or counsellors.

NPD itself cannot exactly be prevented, on another note, some factors that can influence someone developing it, like genetics, environment one grows up in, and trauma, etc. just are not very preventable. Maybe if societal power structures such as the family unit were not given as much power, abuse rates would reduce and there would be less incidence of trauma, but this would not exactly prevent it entirely and would be difficult to actually enact. And Im not sure if the people who want to prevent it just want people with NPD gone in an ableist way, or if they actually give a fuck about our suffering.

I have known of other pwNPD who do go to a counsellor or therapist. I was in a space with other pwNPD and some of them were genuinely helped by therapy - but those people still had NPD, therapy just helped them cope with it. There are probably people who recovered from NPD after therapy, I havent personally met any such people, but I have seen one person claim they used to have NPD then just didn't anymore without even any therapy, not sure how exactly that worked but yeah.

Anyways, the point is, NPD or any other personality disorder is variable like this and it cannot be said for sure that therapy always exactly gets rid of the disorder entirely or is safe for us. And this is often applicable to other mental illnesses and neurodivergence too. Its not ableist to say people can pursue recovery if they want it, but enforcing it as mandatory can err towards ableism, especially if its along with false beliefs about what therapy can do.

[liauditore]

76

A masked figure sits at the opposite side of the table, their arms by their side, sitting completely still.

"76, we would like to ask some questions."

//cw: implied childhood trauma (not detailed, 76 doesn't believe he's traumatized so he doesn't dwell on it), canon typical violence, swearing, kind of an implied sex joke (it's like one throwaway line)

~

ROUND ONE

[Sounds of shuffling, pacing. 76 appears to be agitated]

76: You let me go right now or I'll kick up a fuss, aight? You've seen what I can do.

The Watcher: We have, and we would be intrigued.

76: mmph… [76 lets out a low growl in frustration]

76: I just have to answer some questions and then you'll let me go, right?

The Watcher: That is not for you, or us, to know.

76: You know things would go a lot easier for all of us if you'd just talk like a normal person.

The Watcher: That's no fun.

~

The Watcher: Do you consider yourself an honest person?

76: A little white lie's never hurt anyone, even if they fuss about it. Conversations are about more than who's right or wrong, I reckon.

The Watcher: What do you like to eat?

76: I usually order takeout. I like to try different restaurants everytime. If I'm not sure I'll just order fast food.

The Watcher: What's your weapon of choice?

76: Usually, my fists are enough. That axe did end up growing on me eventually.

The Watcher: How does it feel to kill someone?

76: It depends on who it is.

The Watcher: Do you prefer cats or dogs?

76: Aren't both great? Most people think I'm more of a dog person but if I had to choose, I think I'd rather have a cat.

The Watcher: What was your childhood like?

76: Pretty normal, I'd say? It's not like it was perfect but I'm not traumatized or anything.

The Watcher: Do you have any regrets?

76: Um… I wish I hadn't died? I think that's pretty bloody obvious.

The Watcher: We were expecting a more… specific answer.

76: Am I being graded on this now?

The Watcher: We don't believe you're lying, but we don't think you're telling us the whole truth either.

76: … Fine, fine. I wish I was less reckless. I wish I didn't go through with Ren's dumb plan. Maybe if we were a bit more clever with our own lives then we--

[76 suddenly pauses mid-sentence and falls silent.]

The Watcher: Anything else?

76: You're never satisfied, are you?

[The Watcher remains silent]

76: I, uh… I wish I wasn't so harsh on Jimmy. I think I might've done more harm than good with that one.

[The Watcher chuckles]

76: But at the end of the day, we're all grown ups, aren't we? I'm not responsible for anyone but me. It's a game death we're in.

The Watcher: Do you regret it?

76: I regret a lot of things, I think I've made that clear.

~

ROUND TWO

A masked figure sits at the opposite side of the table, its legs crossed and hands planted comfortably in its lap.

"76, we would like to ask some questions."

~

76: So we meet again. More stupid questions.

The Watcher: Indeed.

76: Did I disappoint you, huh? Not bloody enough? Not gruesome enough?

The Watcher: It was entertaining. Watching you fail.

76: You.. You're a real piece of work, you know that?

[The Watcher remains silent]

~

The Watcher: Do you know how to cook?

76: Uh… Do instant noodles count? Microwave meals? I think I tried to make french toast once but, uh, it didn't turn out well and I felt bad for wasting the bread.

The Watcher: Can you describe your family?

76: Family's not really real, is it? Blood relation doesn't mean much in the long run. I think, growing up, I considered my friends my family.

The Watcher: Tell us of your friends, then.

76: I… Don't really know if there's anything worth mentioning? We were just regular kids. I was always the oldest so I always looked out for everybody. That's how things should be, right?

The Watcher: Do you like your name?

76: It's… Okay? Sometimes I wish it was something cooler but having a simple name makes it easier to get through life, I suppose.

The Watcher: Do you believe in true love? Would you like to get married?

76: God no! I'm not ready for anything like that. I've, uh, "loved" alot of women over the years, I suppose.

The Watcher: Do you have anything you'd want from us?

76: Stop talking in my ear all the bloody time. I know what I'm doing.

The Watcher: Do you like animals?

76: Pets are just another thing you have to take care of, but they're good company.

The Watcher: Do you think you're yourself?

76: No. The ”me“ you have in your head and the ”me“ that I exist within and the ”me“ that exists within the games… They're all pretty different, aren't they?

The Watcher: If the opportunity arises, would you play the game once again?

76: I won't make the same mistakes I did before.

The Watcher: Do you have any regrets?

76: I… wish I talked it out with the boys a bit more. I don't know what got into Grian near the end. Jimmy and, uh, Mumbo too… they would've had to die eventually, but I think I could've done better for them.

The Watcher: Do you regret doing it?

76: I'm not sure if I know what you're talking about.

~~

A masked figure sits at the opposite side of the table, chin resting on her hands with fingers intertwined. She seems to radiate pity and… amusement?

"76, we would like to ask some questions.“

~

ROUND THREE

The Watcher: Can you tell us about your relationship history?

76: W-What kind of question is that? This isn't related to the game.

The Watcher: We're simply curious.

76: I have to answer, don't I?

[The Watcher remains silent]

76: I, uh, I had crushes like any kid did. Once I started wandering around I had a couple of flings here and there. It's not like I'm some clueless little boy. I'm not gonna get all hung up on one girl, I've got tons waiting to crawl all over me back home.

The Watcher: Did you love any of them?

76: Depends on what you mean. I think we all we were just messing around. Things would've gotten messy otherwise.

The Watcher: Do you dislike any of the other participants?

76: Scott and I can't seem to see eye to eye.

The Watcher: How come?

76: He's just, uh… I think we have clashing personalities? I just.. I don't like the way he speaks, I guess. It's nothing deep.

The Watcher: Do you dislike Scott because he takes people you care for away from you?

76: People I care…? I don't know what you mean.

The Watcher: Do you have any regrets?

76: I think we've been over this enough times.

The Watcher: Do you like yourself?

76: I'm a good person. I believe this.

The Watcher: Is there anyone you'd like to see right now?.

76: I'd… like to apologise to Cleo. Again.

The Watcher: If the opportunity arises, would you play the game once again?

76: Please give me one more chance.

The Watcher: What do you think of us?

76: You're annoying.

The Watcher: If you had one wish, what would you ask for?

76: Freedom.

The Watcher: Do you regret it?

76: I'd do it again if I had do.

~

ROUND FOUR

[The sound of laughter echoes through the room.]

A masked figure sits at the opposite side of the table, he leans back carelessly in his chair, clapping his hands in congratulations. He chuckles.

"76, we would like to ask some questions."

~

[The sound of heavy breathing is heard, broken up by hallowed laughter. Sharp inhales and choking giggles. It sounds as if 76 is in pain]

The Watcher: You seem proud of yourself

76: I fucking did it. I finally did it.

The Watcher: Do you find it—

76: Shut up. Just get to the questions.

[The Watcher snickers]

The Watcher: As you wish.

~

The Watcher: Which one of the other participants do you think is most like you?

76: Scott. He GETS me, y'know? It's like we have this mutual understanding. We don't have to explain ourselves to each other, it's brilliant.

The Watcher: What do you do when you're bored?

76: Usually I'd play video games or watch anime. I always find new things to keep myself entertained.

The Watcher: Do you want to go home?

76: I don't have a home.

The Watcher: Do you have any regrets?

76: None.

The Watcher: What's more important to you - someone's personality or their looks?

76: Depends on what you're looking for.

The Watcher: If the opportunity arises, would you play the game once again?

[76 laughs]

The Watcher: If you had $1000 suddenly, what would you spend it on?

76: I think I'd spend it all on things I've wanted for a long time. Games, merchandise, snacks…

The Watcher: What is your weapon of choice?

76: Whatever I can get my hands on.

The Watcher: Do you lie to yourself?

76: What would there be to lie about?

The Watcher: We think there are… feelings you won't allow yourself to admit.

76: If they mattered, I'd take care of them.

The Watcher: Do you miss your King?

76: I don't think you'd let me see him, so I don't see why you're asking.

The Watcher: Do you miss your Soulmate?

76: I said so in the game, didn't I? We've crossed that bridge.

The Watcher: How does it feel, not being needed?

76: Freeing. So fucking freeing.

The Watcher: What makes you feel the need to lie so much to me today?

76: I hate you. I've played your game. I don't owe you shit.

The Watcher: Do you regret it?

76: I'll do whatever I have to. I want to live.

~

NOTE: 76 is a clever and ruthless participant with a strong urge to prove himself, it's no wonder so many have been anchoring for his victory since T████ L███. However, just as a child whose favourite toy is the first to be worn out, we are concerned we may have broken him more than we anticipated.

(( i got a bit carried away LMAO. 76's player is very much one of my favourites to make messed up cus he very much leans into that already. i should mention that this series very vaguely ties into my merc au but only in like a vague ethereal sense. tagging it anyway cus i like having it all in one placeeee ))

[selvesdiscovery]

hi, i'm putting this on anon because people i know are highly anti-endo and i don't wanna out myself as being pro-endo. if you want to delete this feel free btw since i know fusion is a touchy subject for some systems

we're a system. we've been diagnosed with DID and told to see a specialist. said therapist who diagnosed us and referred us out is advising we peruse final fusion. we would do it... except the only reason why we would is because we fear nobody would ever like us the way we are (we're a very independent and private system. other than the host, all dating and such is done in system and kicking the host out of front is rare).

do you have any advice on that? i'm sure it eventually gets easier but i'm not sure how to make it easier. do you have any resources and advice on getting comfortable with being a system, and being comfortable sharing that with people (both other systems and singlets)?

thank you. just delete this if it's against the rules or if it makes you uncomfortable :) your comfort is important too

Hi! Thank you so much for reaching out.

This question isn't too sensitive or anything like that, and I see stuff like this a lot in the system world. Even I myself have dealt with similar issues.

What really helped me was 'coming out' to only a few really close friends. It gave us the space to talk about what goes on inside our head, and be honest about who we are.

Ofc, this isn't super helpful if you dont have really close friends. The second best thing I can suggest from personal experience is participating in the system community, either here on Tumblr or on Discord or wherever else, and working on being progressively more open there.

Those are both really vague and I'm sorry about that, the only thing we really personally needed to come out of our shell was trust, either already pre-existing or built from watching others live the same way as us.

Something else that really helps us personally when trying to get more comfortable with ourselves OUTSIDE of a social context, is encouraging the others to find their own way. That's why we made this blog actually. The best way to become comfortable both socially and personally with being a system is to foster a space for every headmate to live their most authentic life as fully as possible.

If you can, try inviting your alters to front with you, to try out new things that AREN'T related to trauma, therapy, or journalling (If you don't have a journal already, I suggest you look into that first and foremost). If you can't, you could always just wait until you cofront naturally to bring this up with them. Your headmates are people too, and the best way to make THEM stop feeling like less than or like something to be ashamed of is to help them grow.

As for your therapist, it sounds like she doesn't have your& best interest in mind. If you can, I'd look for someone who's comfortable with both fusion AND functional multiplicity as options, and can help you find the way you truly want to follow way better than I, some stranger on the internet, ever could.

Lastly, a fair disclaimer, DONT go about doing any of these things if you think you or your alters might not be entirely ready. If you happen to be newly discovered as a system, it might be good to take some time to learn about one another at a nice slow pace, first, before jumping into anything else. Be very careful, as much as selves discovery and branching out and growing as people is important to being happy how you are, it can be dangerous to some systems in certain situations.

I could understand though how these things may not be what your looking for, but since I don't have a ton of information on your personal experience I can't really get any more specific. If you're looking for more specific resources, I'd encourage personalized research, or going to a professional with your concerns, since the most I really have for this sort of thing is personal experience.

Either way, I wish you luck, and I genuinely hope you can find people who accept you as you are, and help you in your journey to grow. You& got this!

[highladderbed]

Based on what we've seen in kid maths first appearance ep. I knew we can't just have any villain encounter him. So I made whole set that I think will indirectly help him learn how to be a good superhero. Vari Able and Es Revni are made with the help of ShadowBlazer24 and Mrs. Subtra is designed with the help of @evaiskindaweird

You can check Shadow out here:

Descriptions for each one is below:

Mrs Subtra- your classic housewife who loves her husband and kids and owns a cleaning business but underneath it all she’s a mob boss who uses her buisiness to make her henchman clean valuable things out of people’s homes and other places like museums.

The Mad Plier- a hobo who wished on a shooting star to get more things with ease like food and money. And when he woke up his hands have turned into giant mutated pliers that can grab things and make more of them. It was what he wanted at first but then he got bored of being well of and began causing chaos like multiplying cars to spread pollution, or multiplying an aggressive dog to attack the whole city or make copies of very popular object so people would fight over it. Voice: Mortimer mouse(edited)

Divid Den- (they/them) a kid who wants to be a famous influencer so steals their uncles spy gadgets that are kept at Divid’s and their dad’s place for extra containment. Their dad is too busy to pay attention to them so it’s always easy. Their favorite weapons are their one wheeled hover board, laser sword they loves to slice things with and a back pack that pulls out a different gadget/s each episode to keep math kid at bay until the end.(edited)

Sin Tan and Cos- Three small aliens who want to take over the world to impress the other aliens. Their spaceship has a ray that can change the angle of anything basically the shape of anything

X- a very dangerous villain who’s gimmick is they want to play a game: they pick an object that they x mark making it dissapear. Figure out what the object is and find it otherwise a huge x will appear across the entire city making everyone invisible forever. Cards with the letter Y on them will appear to give Kid math a clue as well as making the invisible item reappear again. Are they an entity are they a human or a robot we don’t know but you can’t stop them to stop their game you have to play.

Adilyn- a young witch around her 20s from a far ends of a swamp trying to practice her magic. She ain’t evil in facts she's really nice and a bit shy she just really can’t control her magic and can’t add right yet which causes things to appear in random places that conviently cause disaster

Bella Curvat- A young girl who wants to find her place in the family farm. So she often helps selling things her folks made all around town and in many events. But there will be time no do gooders will bring disorder to their humble business like throwing around the apples they worked so hard to grow. You may expect her to just reorganize it but no she’ll teach them not to mess with her by ringing her magic bells and summoning beasts from below to come move through the ground to rally the guilty.

Vari Able- she works with whoever she chooses, she's not good or evil, sometimes she'll help kid math, sometimes she'll help the villains. Her gimmick is that if she is working with Kid Math, she adds a random variable that helps him beat the villains, and if she is working with the villains, she adds a random variable that works against Kid Math by making it harder to beat the villains. In terms of episode pacing helping Kid Math, it's closer to the end because if she helps him and he can already plausibly beat the villains alone then it would be pretty stacked against the villain. And she helps the villain more towards the beginning to make the episode longer. She chews two different colored pieces of gum, and whichever bubble she blows, that's the side she takes. She has both a custom hero and villain baseball uniform because she plays the sport to avoid being recognized.

Es Revni - Like Inverse but inverse. (Shadow's idea) A masked magician with a cape and two wands. He had one wand that could levitate things around but ever since the mad plier made it into two they can now swap things in anyway. (my idea)

[thewinterwitcher]

[read on ao3] | [summary post] [next chapter]

The path up to the fortress was lined with flowers. 

I could see glimpses outside the curtains of the palanquin that carried me forward. People didn’t line the road, precisely, but they had stopped their work to watch us pass. 

Their faces weren’t close enough to see if they were laughing at me or not.  

Then there was the sound of boots on stone, and my attendants pulled me away from the curtain, fussing with my veil and jewelry. 

I was dressed in all the finery of a princess of Skelda: finely woven spiders’ silk draped around me; polished wooden and opal beads clacking together gently as I moved; the heavy perfume of a hundred flowers tucked into the intricate braids of my hair. It held me in place, the slightest movements like swimming through porridge with the weight pressing down. Sounds around me were just slightly muffled. Faces were too obscured to truly see. I was adrift. My punishment for failing to be the princess I was destined to live as was finally crashing down around me. 

I shouldn’t be here, I thought. I wished beyond anything that I could be living as Prince Ashley of Skelda, Star Nestled in the Night Sky, in my home, able to make my own choices. Instead, I was in this blasted dress, tens of thousands of paces from everyone I have ever known, about to be married off to the ruler of the country that everyone says wants to conquer our lands, slaughter our men, and enslave our women and children. 

Before I had been sent away, my mother had lectured me at length. I had knelt before her, hands flat under my knees as instructed. The pain cemented her words into my memory. 

“You won’t be able to play your stupid little game anymore, Alexandria. Goddess knows we’ve tried to control you, but those brutes should beat you into line now. And if you fail to please the barbarian king and he sends you back, I’ll slit your throat myself.”

Surely I would fail. I could see the disappointment on my father’s face as I walked out of the castle, the condemnation in my mother’s gaze as she watched me climb into the palanquin. The look in her eye as she stared me down, gleeful at the idea that she would finally be rid of me, one way or another. 

I was startled from my grim remembering by the gentle swaying motion I had felt for hours finally ceasing. We were slowly lowered to the ground. 

The women around me fluttered silently and began to disembark. No one said a word to me as they took my hands and pulled me to standing. My slippers rested on fine mosaics, and the hazy stone around me was bright and reflected the mid morning sun down onto us. I closed my eyes and felt the faint warmth on my face. 

Before I could truly begin to look around, I was again pulled forward. The enormous wooden doors of the keep slowly swung open, and incense wafted on the wind to me even through my veil. The attendant pulling me stopped before her feet crossed the threshold, and her hand moved from mine to my lower back, firmly guiding me in while she stayed outside the fortress. Her arm reached its full length, and I stopped, the tiles beneath my thin slippers oddly warm. 

The attendant’s footsteps pattered on the stone behind me, growing softer. The doors swung closed with a ‘clunk.’ Unceremoniously, I was alone in my new prison. 

“Princess Alexandria?” I jumped at the deep voice to my right. 

I grimaced under the veil at my accursed name, hoping my face was as obscured as the man speaking to me.  He was tall, much taller than I, dark-skinned and with the outline of someone wearing armor. 

Realizing my hesitation had let a moment pass, I nodded. 

“Welcome to the keep, your highness. My name is Leold. On this, the first of our meetings, let it be known that you may refer to me as ‘they’ or ‘them.’ I am here to escort you to the ceremony.”

I had been warned the Illurians had customs unlike those in Skelda, but I was not expecting to be unsure so soon. I had been barred from meeting any of the Illurians that came to the palace to negotiate, and my mother had mentioned “uncouth” members of the delegates had been sent away soon after discussions had began. I could now hazard a guess as to why. 

The person in front of me, for I must assume my initial assessment was wrong, held out their hand. 

“Would you do me the honor of allowing me to guide you, your highness?”

Their voice was warm, and their head was tilted slightly. Maybe they were smiling. 

My voice had left me, so I nodded again and reached for them. 

We walked slowly down the hallway, no one passing or approaching us that I could see. The light changed colors around us as we passed ornately stained windows, and incense burners must have been lit every hundred paces.

“We are approaching a short flight of shallow stairs, your highness.” Leold slowed to walk beside me, allowing me to rest more of my weight on their hand if I needed. As much as I hated being treated as frail, I was touched by their noticing my obscured vision. 

Unfortunately, the stairs led to another large set of doors, behind which I could hear the clamoring of many voices. 

Leold paused, letting my hand fall. I jumped when their warm palm gently alighted on my elbow. 

“Forgive my familiarity, Princess, but no one yet knows we have arrived. We can pause a moment. I know you strode many lengths to reach us.” 

I couldn’t help but turn my face to my guide, outline such that they were. “I would appreciate that, kind steward.” My voice left my lips in a whisper. 

They stepped away from me, facing the doors. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back, praying to the goddess that abandoned me years ago in some vain hope that a great bolt of lightning would strike me down before I reached the wedding shrine. 

I exhaled, trying to release my fear with everything in my lungs. It was a good thought, at least. My hands still shook. 

My voice was steadier than before as I spoke. “I am ready now, steward. Your kindness is a cool balm on a warm day. My thanks to you.”

Leold opened the great set of doors with a heave, warm air heavy with the smells of roasted meat and sweet incense washing over me. The boisterous chatter inside slowed to a sussuruss of whispers, then silence as I stepped forward. 

There was a long, long woven mat rolled out from where I entered to the shrine at the far end of the fortress’ grandest hall. A great crowd of people gathered on either side, sitting where they were close to my path and standing further away. Still I could not see details, but great fires burned behind the shrine, and I could see silhouettes at my destination. 

I couldn’t delay. I began to walk forward. 

I was reminded of the flowers that had lined the path we arrived on as a few children, giggling, ran out in front of me. They picked the petals off of flowers they held and threw them in the air, letting them fall as they ran back out of the aisle. I heard the embarrassed whispers of parents in the crowds off to the sides. I was scared, still, almost crying, but something about the exuberance of the children and their joy reached my heart. 

Each step down the hall was as slow as a nightmare, my heart pounding and jewelry weighing me down. The further down the path I moved, the more the hum of the crowd behind me turned to cheering. 

It did not feel like mocking laughter, but it surely was celebratory. Skelda had bent the knee to Illura, and sent its first-born princess as tribute. 

Or rather, they had sent me. 

I was too close to the shrine and those who awaited me there already. The bag tied to the delicately braided belt around my waist was secure, and I tried to gracefully retrieve the scroll contained within. 

When I reached the foot of the stairs up to the shrine, I knelt, presenting the letter. Predictably, I had not been struck down, and now my voice could not fail me. 

“Great rulers of Illura, I, Princess Alexandria of Skelda, She Who Wanders as a Comet, come bearing word of our acceptance of your offer of peace. Let it be known that I pledge myself to the land of Illura, that my union to your king and finest warrior may seal this friendship for generations. Please accept this scroll bearing the seal of He Who is the Avatar of the Sun Above, His Highness King Saulor of Skelda.” 

There was silence, enough I had a moment to fear that I had offended the Illurians greatly. 

Before I could beg forgiveness, a figure separated from the group around the shrine and stepped down to me. He stood above me, but still I could not see much of him.  “My name is Eoin, and Illura claims me as her finest warrior. I am honored to meet you, Princess Alexandria. As this is the first of our meetings, please know you may call me ‘he’ or ‘him.’ On behalf of our collective, I accept this letter, and…” All I could make out was that he looked behind himself then back down to me. “And I accept your hand in marriage.” 

King Eoin, for this was the man I was intended to wed, took the scroll from me with one hand, then held out his other for myself. I took it, gingerly, and found it warming my nervous fingers through as he led me up the stairs. 

Illurian marriage ceremonies had not been condoned within the borders of Skelda, and even with their purple flags now raised above our castle, I had not yet been privy to the specifics of what I would be promising my new husband. I could only hope the words I had never wished to speak to another Skeldari would be binding enough here.

There was one other person besides myself and Eoin at the summit. The priest, or druid perhaps, was tall and willowy with a melodious yet scratchy voice. She spoke first: “Blessed family and friends, welcome all, and let it be known this union between humble Skelda and gracious Illura will be secured not just through the binding of Princess Alexandria and mighty Eoin of the Direbears, but also with the quest to support our new kinsfolk. The delegation from Skelda has arrived with much that will ease our troubles, and they will return with our gifts in kind.” 

I knew the tithes asked of our people were great. The most delicate and gossamer spider silks from hours of toil; the finest preserved fruits in colorful and uniquely shaped glass bottles; even roasted coffee beans, a delicacy even among my own people; all sent north to warmer climes with my entourage. I had been told the gifts sent back were riches from the Illuran ports, oils and spices and salts to grace meals I’d never eat. 

I hoped it would all turn to ash in their mouths.

As for myself, I came with very little beyond a few sets of plain dresses and underthings, my wedding dress and jewelry, and what few books I could save tucked into the bottom of my small bag. I was not to be rewarded with finery my family could keep for themselves, nor was I to be sent to my punishment with the “foul tools that had lead me astray,” according to my mother. In other words, my shirts and breeches, practice sword and leather arm guards, most of my books of sword forms and fae tales… All my connections to the person that may have become Prince Ashley had been left behind. 

More specifically, if the towering funnel of smoke I saw as the palanquin lumbered away had been what I thought, they had been burned in the garden outside what had used to be my rooms. 

The king let go of my hand, breaking me from my memories. He reached towards me, and my veil was pulled up and over my head. I blinked. 

In another life I might have been happy to court Eoin. He quite honestly was gorgeous. I was close enough to see now that there were streaks of grey through his dark, curling hair. His beard had been trimmed to a point along a broad jaw, and his nose followed a graceful curve. He was dressed plainly, but richly, in a simply cut, deep blue tunic and yellow breeches. The deep ‘V’ of his tunic dipped just low enough to allow some curls of dark chest hair peppered with more grey to be seen. He wasn’t much taller than I, solidly built, thick muscles evident in the lines of his neck and forearms. 

Despite his beauty, I could not be even slightly assured of my safety after all that I had been warned of when dismissed to Illura. 

To distract myself, I looked behind the druid, who I could now see was a woman with a willowy frame, grey hair streaked with black and white strands, draped in loose purple fabric. She waved her arms as she spoke, the words missing my fearful ears.

Behind her, I could see four great hearths at the shrine, each built of a different type of stone. The leftmost fire burned in a plain marble bowl atop a matching, smooth column. The next blaze was nestled in a crumbling pile of smoky grey rocks. The third was caught in shells and coral, and the final flame was in a swirling sculpture carved of sandstone. The fires were arranged in a half-circle around a well with a very large, very ornamental spool unwound, its rope extended all the way down to the bottom. 

“…hear the vows of the bride, that the faces of the sea may look upon her kindly.” 

While I had been distracted, the druid had finished her speech and turned to me.

I looked at her, then back at Eoin for only a moment. My gaze dropped to his chest.

For what I said next I could not meet his eyes.

“Great gods and rulers of Illura, forgive my blind ignorance of your customs. My words can only reflect the great light of our terrible sun above. I give to you my life as any Skeldari bride must. Let my actions and rare words be guided by your wisdom and passion. On this altar I forsake my ties to Skelda as its princess and pledge my sunless life to you alone. I seek only your mercy.”

There was a brief silence from those both in front of and behind me. My heartbeat pulsed through my temples, the sound of blood rushing louder than the water churning at the bottom of the well. 

The druid looked down her nose at me, eyebrows furrowed. 

In contrast, Eoin’s eyes were wide, frowning lips parted like he had been about to speak. He shook his head, then gave me a half-smile.

“Alexandria,” he began. His voice was deep and warm, almost softening the blow of that name. “I understand the deep gravity of our circumstances. You come to us bearing the weight of a great sacrifice, one we all must thank you for endlessly.” His eyes were a deep umber, catching the light of the fires. “I swear to you that I will do all in my power to help you find what home you desire among the Illuran people, with the family and friends I have.” 

Eoin turned to look back at the druid at the shrine for a moment, maybe for reassurance, then back to myself. There was a care in the way he considered me that I was not expecting to see from a strange man I had just met, many seasons older than I. “Our customs are quite different from that of the Skeldari, especially because all we have must be for all that falls under our banner. Every Illuran is kith before we meet each other. It is my hope our people will one day be the same to you as well.” He smiled fully, almost sheepishly. “That one day we may be friends.” 

I could only stare, a mirror to how he had looked at me after my own vows. It was blunt, but not in the way I expected. He did not seem eager to place his hands on me, to own me as any Skeldari man would leer at his bride. His words were not couched in carefully constructed layers of hidden meaning, but bare. Bare, and maybe even honest. 

He hoped that we might one day be friends? Did that mean and no more than that?

There was movement beside me. The druid reached forward, taking our hands and gently laying Eoin’s atop my own. She smiled at Eoin and myself in turn. “Now. May all the faces of the sea, the joy and sorrow they bring in turn, smile upon the two of you.” 

She turned away from us to the well behind her.  We watched her slowly turn the handle of the pulley, until the rope had wound back around the spool. Carefully, she scooped water from the bucket she’d retrieved, and turned back to us. “Let these waters bless you both, washing away the individuals you used to be, and welcoming Alexandria into our fold.”

I looked at our clasped hands as the druid poured the water over our fingers. It was frigid, and smelled of brine. The water dripped onto the stone below us, spattering my skirts and the tips of my thin slippers. I shivered. 

If only I could wash away what I wanted to leave behind about myself. 

“One in the water,” the druid intoned solemnly. 

Eoin grasped my hand, and repeated after her. I started when his voice was met with every other’s behind us, echoing in the vast chamber. “One in the water.”

A beat too late, I whispered the same. 

My fingers and toes felt numb, the cold seeping up my limbs. Before me, Eoin’s face wobbled and went watery. 

My knees were not yet so cold that they did not sting when I fell before my new husband and clasped my shaking hands together. There was a great susurrus of gasps behind me, and I winced. 

Pitching my voice down in the hopes it would not carry, I pleaded, “Great king of Illura, please hear the one request of your new bride. I know not if your kind words ring true, but I beg of you, please spare me the worst of your divine rage, that I may continue to serve you faithfully for many seasons.” My voice broke before I could say more, and I watched my skirts catch my tears.