#and i currently have covid which is exhausting

[uncharted-constellations]

Been gone for a moment so a steph sketch!

[dingusships]

bigass vent over general life things

things in general are really not great i don't really have any optimism for the future or making a life for myself. like i don't really have any drive or ambition to look forward or work towards anything good/meaningful because as time goes on there are going to be really bad life events that i just don't think i can keep facing anymore. and theyre going to be worse. i'm just dragging along life solely on the basis that i was plopped here to just Exist and that's my task at hand that i'm reluctantly upholding. just exist until it's over

[covid-safer-hotties]

Global Emergency Compounded by the AIDS-like Features of SARS-CoV-2 Infection - Published Sept 1, 2024

Over a million people in the US are being infected with severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus type 2 (SARS-CoV-2) every day.

Originally named after the acute respiratory syndrome it can cause as a consequence of blood vessel damage in the lungs, SARS-CoV-2 is actually primarily a blood vessel virus that spreads through the airways. It causes a complex multisystem disease (1). It is airborne (2). It can persist in the body, and is detectable in body and brain tissue even at autopsy of “recovered” patients (3).

Each infection ages the body, causes damage to the blood vessels and the immune system, and affects organs including the heart, lungs, liver, kidneys, bones, etc. (4, 5, 6)

Each infection ages the brain. Specifically, it reduces gray matter and cognitive ability (7), and potentially IQ score (8). It increases the risk of psychiatric disorders (9). SARS-CoV-2 has also been identified as contributing to accelerated dementia (10).

The potential post-acute phase impacts of SARS-CoV-2 include long COVID, some manifestations of which are chronic conditions that can last a lifetime, including heart disease, diabetes, myalgic encephalomyelitis and dysautonomia (11).

The Economist has estimated excess deaths from the beginning of the Pandemic through May 2024 at up to 35 million people worldwide. (12)

In Addition, Many Scientists Are Now Issuing Warnings… SARS-CoV-2 triggers a new airborne form of Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (13, 14, 15) (some are proposing specific terms such as “CoV-AIDS”).

This is not AIDS as we know it from human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) infection, it is a new type of acquired immunodeficiency syndrome with different deleterious effects on immune function (16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21), but both resulting in increased vulnerability to infections (22). Immune system deficiency and other COVID properties also suggest a potential link to greater risk of cancers (23, 24, 25, 26, 27).

The “original” AIDS caused by HIV takes up to around 10 to 15 years to make its presence felt, with the initial infection usually barely noticed and often resembling the common cold or a flu-like disease until its damage manifests itself leading to death in the absence of treatments (28, 29).

With SARS-CoV-2, immunodeficiency develops in the weeks and months following infection. It involves reduction and functional exhaustion of T Cells (30), enhanced inhibition of MHC-I expression (31), downregulating CD19 expression in B cells (32) and other evidence of immune dysregulation (33, 34). In one study, the dysregulation persisted for 8 months following initial mild-to-moderate SARS-CoV-2 infection, the length of the study (35). There is no “cure” for any of the damage caused by SARS-CoV-2 including immune dysregulation.

Did You Know? Repeated infections are leading to prolonged immune dysregulation, and increase the risk of progressive disability and death.

Long COVID is a multisystem disease with debilitating symptoms, which has had a profound impact on society and the global economy. In the USA, economists have estimated that long COVID will incur cumulative future costs of more than US$4 trillion (36, 37).

The worldwide devastating economic consequences of this mass disabling event have been measured in terms of total work hours and GDP lost around the world (38).

It theoretically only takes a single viral particle to initiate an infection, and most infections are initiated by very few viral particles (39).

Despite current popular belief, the immune system is NOT a muscle, and does NOT benefit from being repeatedly challenged with disease-causing microbes. In fact, its finite resources are depleted with each new infection.

Herd immunity is unattainable for a rapidly mutating, immune-disrupting virus, and there is no basis to believe that a vascular infection will evolve into the common cold. Continuing to ignore SARS-CoV-2 will not make it go away. Depriving the virus of publicity does not deprive it of its continuing lethal effects.

SARS-CoV-2 is continuing to evolve and mutate – it is not running out of evolutionary space. It is not a cold or the flu, but primarily a blood vessel disease. It is damaging society as we know it.

How many repeated infections can we expect young people to endure and survive? Even if they get only 1 infection each year, that’s 10 infections in 10 school years. This is not compatible with health and a long life. Repeated infections can lead to long COVID and shortened lifespans.

How Do We Protect Ourselves, How Do We Protect Our Children, When Government Public Health Advice Has Failed?

By reducing transmission so that R0 remains less than one (meaning that each person infects less than one other), we can suppress and gradually eliminate the virus, targeting a safer return to pre-2020 normal.

Handwashing is helpful, but it is not the main way to stop the spread of this airborne virus.

Respirators can block 95% or more of virus particles through electrostatic action, and are therefore highly effective at reducing infection even if only one person in a conversation is wearing them. They are far more effective if all people are wearing them (40).

Transmission can be reduced with HEPA filtration and ventilation of indoor air.

The virus spreads more quickly in indoor settings, but also spreads outdoors.

For medical facilities, it is essential to clean the air with ventilation and filtration and require universal high-quality masking (with N-95/ FFP3 respirators or better) to protect medical staff and patients.

For workplaces, clean air will reduce transmission; and encouraging employees to test and stay home when infectious is essential. High-quality masking should be encouraged in the case of symptoms, a sick person at home, or any other suspicion that one could be carrying the virus. Remote work should be normalized and encouraged wherever possible.

For entertainment venues, events should be held outdoors when possible; and if indoors, clean air is key to protecting audiences. Audiences should also be encouraged to wear respirators to avoid getting infected and infecting others. Digital streaming options should always be offered.

For restaurants, an emphasis on outdoor dining will substantially reduce transmission. Patio service should be encouraged, and indoor dining areas should be well-ventilated with a high level of air-exchanges. Home or curbside delivery offers a safer alternative.

For schools, clean air will reduce transmission; encouraging students to test and stay home when infectious is essential to preserving their health. Masking or remote learning should be initiated whenever a case is detected or the incidence in the general population sharply increases. A permanent hybrid model / digital option can accommodate children with disabilities or those who simply do better learning from home.

Teachers and medical professionals may prefer to use transparent masks, or to wear HEPA-filtered headgear equipment that may be more universally tolerated/accepted.

To track our progress, we need sustained wastewater and population-level testing.

With just 60-70 percent of people taking mitigation measures such as masking, testing and isolating when infected, we can dramatically reduce forward transmission of the virus.

Even with very imperfect measures, as long as one infected person does not infect more than one person on average, the virus will eventually die out. The fewer people each person infects on average, the faster it will happen.

We still have a window of opportunity. Protecting ourselves and our families is in fact protecting the economy and the continued orderly functioning of our society.

[fairycosmos]

hi, just curious if you're able to answer this, what happened with becca? currently struggling with a sibling with addiction issues and wanted to get some perspective

she'd been on and off drugs experimentally/recreationally since she was like 17, but when the pandemic hit in 2020 she spiralled very quickly over the course of a few months into addiction which was worsened by her dating (and moving the guy into our house) another person struggling with severe addiction. we tried to kick him out when she got bad but they basically went out onto the streets together so we had to let them back in. to make a long story much shorter she was on a lot more shit than we realised, she choked in her sleep on aug 25 2020 and had a cardiac arrest. cpr didn't help, her shitty boyfriend didn't help, nothing helped. it was too late basically. all of this is messed up and blurry in my head so there's much more to it than that but that's the gist of it. in the weeks leading up i tried tirelessly to talk to her about it, mostly over text even though we were all living in the same house but in seperate rooms due to covid at the time. i would send her these big walls of text about how this wasn't right and how bad things were and she would agree but basically just mollify me, lie to me etc though i do believe that having those conversations was nessecary. just letting her know that i understand, that i'm here, that i know she's scared and in immense pain but that we can make small steps in the right direction together etc. while also being almost harsh and upfront about the harm she is causing and the way she was hurting herself and everyone around her. she had a doctor's appointment booked the week after she died to talk about the drugs and i do think she intended on going, but she was just such a mess. i don't have any concrete advice because it felt so hopeless at the time, talking to her was like talking to a brick wall. i was so fucking angry and upset about her situation and the way she was that it was hard to even interact with her sometimes. the spiral was so fast with her and that made it so difficult to guage what to do. but if you can continue talking to them on a human level, bringing up examples of their recent behaviour that has crossed the line, pushing for the idea of seeing a professional/local addiction resources or hotlines, then that's all you can do. i know how hard this is on you too and i know it is a special type of exhausting and endless hell to love an addict. all you can do is try your best not to facilliate the addiction while doing what you can to support getting them into recovery. there are a lot of addiction centers, support groups and hotlines that offer advice and support for loved ones - i would really encourage you to seek those out for more professional and exstensive guidance. i really hope they get clean eventually and i reall hope you're taking care of yourself and being kind with yourself throughout this whole thing. i'm really sorry it's happening to you, your sibling and your family. please know i'm here if you ever need a friend or someone to vent to about it. x

supporting someone with addiction / how to help an addict without enabling / helping someone who is misusing drugs or alcohol/ info about interventions / how to help a friend or family member with addiction / tips for supporting someone recovering from addiction/overcoming drug addiction

[haunted-headset]

Wilbur calling YN during covid because he feels like crap and YN’s voice is the only thing that can comfort him. But he doesnt really tell you that, he just tells u to tell him about your day in great detail so that he can hear your

voice for as long as possible.

🪐 Talk to Me 🪐

Summary: Wilbur gets covid during the pandemic & calls you to hear your voice. He won't admit that your voice is the only thing that can comfort him currently, so he just makes you talk about your day for as long as possible.

A/N: hey guys!!! I hope you're all having good, if not great days!! I might be releasing chapters of a story that I've uploaded onto Wattpad, so be on the lookout for that^^ (the title is based off of a song called Talk to Me)

contains: Wilbur being sick, use of pet names, swearing, the reader being a part-time writer om Tumblr, the reader having a job in photography

tags: @vibestillaxxx@joviepog@ax-y10@themonsterunderurmom @wilburstan@smolsleepykitten@funnyreally2009@crows-death@dykepunz@aresriiots@0miamor0 @cathers-world@defonotval@chipch0p@mazzistar16@unmellowyellowfellow@justalittlebitofchaos@thosecolorfulsheets@vopix@taylors-version-from-the-vault@aine-lasagna@merianakross@veeislost@urfav-sapphic-siren@shazbaz58-blog @wifiatthetrainstation@mcr-pr-fob@shd454

word count: 352

proofread?: 不 (no in Chinese)

You were cleaning up around the house when you got a call. You picked up your phone to see who was calling you. You were greeted with a picture of you & Wilbur on your one-year anniversary date with the contact name "Wilbs <3" on top. With a smile, you answered the call.

"Yes, love?" you said.

"Hi," Wilbur said sleepily. He sounded like he had gotten sick & he sounded exhausted.

"You okay, darling?" you asked, taking a sip of your tea.

"I got sick," he said, drawing out the 'i'.

"Oh, honey," you said, "I'm sorry. D'you wanna FaceTime?"

"Yes, please," he mumbled. You heard two phlegmy coughs. You hung up on him & then FaceTimed him. When he picked up the phone, he was lying on his side with about four blankets on him, all of which were pulled up so that you could only see his nose & everything about it. He had bags under his eyes & he looked paler than usual.

"I feel shitty," he mumbled.

"Oh, baby, I'm sorry," you said to him. "Is there anything I can do for you to make you feel better?"

"Can you talk to me about your day?" Wilbur said groggily. "I wanna hear your voice."

So, you talked about your day in great detail. You talked about work & the coworkers you liked & disliked. You talked about a new short story you had written that a fan had requested & how much attention it got. You talked about how much you thought about & missed him. You talked about how much you loved him & how you wanted him to get better. You talked to him about getting a plane ticket to go see him if he's feeling better next week, which caused his eyes to squint, which meant he was smiling wide.

When you were done talking, Wilbur had fallen asleep to the sound of your voice. Instead of hanging up, you just smiled & decided to buy a plane ticket to London to see him next week.

After all, the best prize is a surprise.

[http-paprika]

Bite the Hand / Phillip Graves

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⋆★⋆ part five - sun, moon, sky ⋆★⋆ masterlist ⋆★⋆ previous ⋆★⋆ next ⋆★⋆

summary with her mind all over the place, frost goes for a run to free herself, only to come across the source of her problems.

werewolf!au / pairing phillip graves x female!reader / callsign frost / wc 1995 / warning swearing

notes so, my family has covid again which means i have no work and can focus on writing. hopefully I'll be able to write the next chapters before i go back to work. and i was losing my ever-loving mind writing this, listening to the same song on repeat to capture this chapter.

It began in her mouth, the constant uncomfortable dryness and a thirst that no amount of water could quench. She was unwilling to admit that her scent was laced with something sweet, a glow in her face, and the ache in her bones whenever she passed Graves. Like she was losing her mind, she sat hunched over her desk, face buried in her calloused hands. 

“Frost?” Lurch stood in front of her desk, staring down at her like she was some bizarre alien creature who’d fallen out of the sky. Her teammates had begun to pick up on her erratic behavior, once or twice she’d heard Dipaolo telling Vance he was glad to be born a man. Not that being a man would’ve saved her from her distress. It was a trouble that plagued many, she was just the unfortunate soul to be struck down then.

“Maybe you should get out, go for a run, go hunt. You’re acting like a caged animal. Your reports have been looking like shit.” To prove his point, he dropped the stack of papers in front of her, Frost was embarrassed by the highlighted passages. It was sloppy and humiliating to read, below her standard. “I’d hate to bring this up to the Commander but if this is going to continue to be a problem, I will.” 

“No. No. It won’t be a problem.” She quickly argued, standing out of her seat and yanking up her jacket. The early cold of winter had surprised her that morning, a welcomed relief from the unbearable Texan heat. “I’ll be back in the morning.” 

Hurried out of the office, she returned to her room and changed into running clothes, something that Frost wouldn’t mind if it got soiled or stained. She could only pray her run would be long and tiresome enough, there was a hope that it would stop the endless loop of thinking about him. As her hands slid over her body, pulling off her uniform, she couldn’t help but imagine the callouses of his hands replacing hers, a warm breath against her ears. 

Her eyes snapped open, and her own breath caught in her lungs. He’d be the death of her, and Graves would never know. 

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The smell of juniper and pine trees filled her nostrils as she finally stopped running, having gone to the northern border of the Shadow Company’s hunting grounds. Her chest rose and fell as she stared at the rapid river that divided her land from uncertainty. Frost often wondered who hunted in the lands beyond, and how far she could run without being shot at or entering enemy wolf territory. 

Below her skin, her muscles tightened and ached as she dropped to the edge of the river, rocks digging into her knees as she stuck her hands into the cold current. The water tumbled over rocks, and the crickets sang in her ears as the sun dipped further below the pines. Frost would need to plan for the evening, she’d need to eat before tempting to run the miles back to the base. But hunting alone had little appeal, and the exhaustion in her bones dissuaded her from shifting. 

She wondered what it would be like to let the rapids take her, if it would drag her south to the sea. If she could disappear like a fossil in the rock beds below the currents. Ancient fossils didn’t have to deal with the pain she felt, the tug in her heart. He was the wrong person, and more importantly, Frost was the wrong girl. It was already luck that had allowed her to cross his path, to speak to him and listen. Then there was the unspoken, fear and experience that had pushed her back into a cage. Venomous words that made her hate herself more than her father ever had. 

Frost wouldn’t offer that to Graves, he was already gracious enough as it was. But it didn’t stop her from closing her eyes, fantasizing about showing him every version of herself. Letting Graves take her in his arms, telling her the past didn’t matter.

But she knew better. 

“Frost?” She wondered if she had willed him into existence as he stepped towards the river, the hunting rifle slung over his shoulders again. The wind turned in her direction, allowing her to breathe in his smell and let out a contented sigh. “You’re out far, y’know that?” 

“Lost track of where I was running, sorry.” She said, quickly standing and trying to dust the dirt off her skin. Ever so slightly embarrassed by her appearance in front of him. Graves had a concerned look on his face as he set the rifle down, an expression she’d never seen that made her breathing hitched. 

“Lerch told me you’ve been acting strange. I’m worried about you, is everything alright?” He asked, closing the gap between them until he was standing right in front of her. One of his gloved hands comes up to her face, brushing a few hairs and sweat away with a slow motion. “We’ve moved past keep secrets, you can trust me with anything.” 

“There’s a reason they’re secrets, Graves. They’re meant to be hidden.” She said, frowning and wondering if he could feel how hot her skin was or hear the way her heart pounded against her thick ribs. Frost blinks rapidly, trying to keep unforeseen tears from falling. He wasn’t supposed to see her like that, no one was. Staying hidden with her feelings and past meant staying safe. 

“Frost, you could tell me you murdered a man and I’d help you dispose of the body. I’m not one to judge.” How familiar his words were to her, like the past was repeating itself just with a different man. A different face, a different heart, a different ending. His hand stayed on her face, brushing the hot tears from her cheeks as he waited, ever so patient.

“I can’t.” She told him, Frost hated to cry in front of anyone. A lesson engrained in her mind from a young age, a lesson she couldn’t easily forget. And crying in front of Graves felt pathetic, it didn’t matter if he was understanding. Didn’t matter how many promises he made to her and her brothers that they were safe in his company. Frost couldn’t. 

“Yes, you can.” 

“I–” She turned her gaze up to the sky which was a watercolor of violet, orange, and blue as it attempted to hold onto the sun. The knife in her heart twisted further, splitting her in two. All that flooded her mind were broken promises, gnashing teeth, and apologizing over and over again for feelings and things she couldn’t control. “I’m sorry. I don’t know how to tell you the truth.” 

Graves’ hand dropped from her face, down her shoulders, and arms, and picked up her hands. The leather rubbed against her skin, his thumb brushed over a set of knuckles. It was so caring and gentle that it made Frost want to scream. 

“Come on, let’s not stay out. ‘Bout to be a new moon, let’s go into the light.” Graves suggested, still holding onto a hand, another picking back up the rifle before he turned and led her along the riverbank. Soon, they reached a swallow crossing, and she followed him up a rocky path. In the distance through the trees, lights blinked at her in a warm greeting. The trees split apart into a small clearing where an a-frame house stood, and a truck with a Shadow Company bump sticker was parked in front on a gravel drive that stretched back into the trees. 

He’d taken her to his home. “Most the boys don’t even know this is where I live. Like to keep it that way, quiet, private.” Graves said to her as he unlocked the house, letting her into the warm interior. 

“So I’m special?” Frost asked, a bit of humor in her question as Graves put the rifle up in a cabinet before shedding his gloves and boots. 

“Very.” Her heart almost combusted as he flashed a wink at her before walking through the home, moving to the kitchen. “Make yourself at home, if you break something, I will make you buy it.”

Frost shakes her head, taking off her stained and ragged sneakers and trying to force herself to loosen up. The house wasn’t what she expected, he kept a large collection of vinyls, and his shelves her lined with books, pictures, and awards from his long life. But somehow, it made sense to her, reminding her of his cluttered office. 

“Why me?” She asked suddenly, turning to look at him in the kitchen as he poured himself a glass of bourbon. “What makes me so special? I’m not a soldier who got the medals for being outstanding, was never the top of my class, and I’m nothing to write home about here either. I just don’t understand what someone who recruits some of the most ruthless and talented soldiers and mercenaries there are sees in me.” 

“Well, it’s clear we don’t see each other the same way at all. Because you put me up on a podium I shouldn’t be on Frost.” Graves responded hesitantly, looking up at her from the crystal glass. The light danced in his eyes, his brows knit together as he looked at her. A look of a man who was giving her his full attention. “And affairs of the heart have never been logical.” 

She could’ve fallen apart right there, hearing the words leave his mouth felt wrong, unnatural. It shouldn’t be happening. Frost’s feelings weren’t supposed to be returned, they were supposed to fizzle away, staying hidden from sight. His admittance was dangerous, how easily it could destroy her, destroy the new life she’d built at the Shadow Company. Graves called out her name, her real name, which yanked her attention back to him.

“You can’t mean that,” Frost stated, backing away as Graves stepped around the counter to her. She wondered if she could find her way back to the Shadow Company base from his home. Maybe it would be better if she got lost in the woods instead, wandering like a forsaken beast. It would be more bearable than letting herself completely fall. 

“What are you so scared of, Frost?” He kept his distance, waiting until she was ready to let him in. There was a patience in his tone, something so gentle about the way he spoke that made her knees want to buckle. 

“Everything that I’ve lost and can lose again.” She admitted, gripping the wooden countertops. Her breathing had become uneven again, the weight in the air was crushing. Frost could only hope he’d throw her out in the cold, she thought she’d die if he continued to look at her like she was sun shining after a long winter. 

“I can’t change your past, but I can shape the future, and I don’t want to hurt you. You deserve everything you want, everything you crave, and I want to give it to you.” Graves was so close to her, but she was the one to reach out now. Resting a hand against his chest, she felt the rhythmic thrum of his heart. The smell of his skin was intoxicating, causing her to swallow hard. He placed his hand on top of hers, the other settling on her waist. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes.” 

Before she can think or speak, his mouth is on hers. Capturing her in an embrace as her teeth catch on his lower lip. He surrounded her, consuming her senses as she continued to hold onto him desperately and kiss him. The lingering taste of bourbon on his tongue, the sweet smell of pine needles radiating from his skin, and the warmth of his hands keeping her body flush against his.

Frost could’ve died happily there.

taglist (open) @iamcautiouslyoptimistic @delusionally-loveless-by-choice @bacon-sandwich-of-dionysus @anna-banana27 @unicorngirly1

[literary-motif]

Hello! Are you sick? Are you unwell? Asking because your angst is much softer now I like it so much but I'm just wondering where it came from

Well, I have recently recovered from Covid, but I am fine now.

If by 'soft' you mean more reflective -- such as Confiteor for example -- then I would say it is because these type of works come easier to me currently. They are not as plot-heavy as some other ideas I have on my list, and are simpler to write when I come home exhausted after my shift at like one in the morning. I can simply go off thoughts and feelings, without needing to write as much action. Perhaps my style of writing has changed slightly as well. I am a bit out of practice, truth be told.

On a different note, today is my last day of work (yay!), which means I can finally dedicate more time to writing before university begins in October. I have plenty of fic-ideas for the Sakuverse, so expect to see more of me in September.

[archivalofsins]

Actually the your last answer sparkes my interest and i'm curious, which songs from the first caligula game would you assign to the milgram prisoners?

I am so freaking excited to go into this- Because I love the Caligula Effect soundtrack soooo much. My favorite song was Lovec Scope but I am currently obsessing over Cosmo Dancer for reasons. I also just finished two so I hope you don't mind me adding some thoughts on that at the end and what it could mean for Milgram overall.

I know this took very long to answer. Unfortunately, life has gotten pretty hectic. Every time I sat down to work on this reply, something else cropped up. Key instances include me still recovering from covid and needing to pace myself differently than before (which I am still feeling the aftereffects of) and finding out my mother's heart had temporarily stopped (from arrhythmia). I also needed to get some other feelings out on Caligula Effect 2 before diving into all of this some I shared with you earlier and another one I posted about before putting this up. It just didn't feel completely honest to make this post without acknowledging my feelings on one of the repeating themes of the second game first. It will become apparent why later in this post! But for now,

Let's get into this-

Cosmo Dancer is a Mikoto song. (Sorry I don't make the rules except I just did so I do.)

Mikoto Cosmo Dancer

"It's the "me" of today as well." "Let's resist against fighting- Ha! This makes me laugh." "Scatter, disappear; until you become completely invisible! See; you can fight now!" "Puppets whose hearts are controlled."

Go on and show me the usual./“No, I need to do more…”

Those beautiful bonds of yours. IT'S SO MEANINGLESS IT MAKES ME SICK! I will teach you! So; dance as much as you want. In the palm of my hands. On this best stage. Nobody will steal your heart.

Yeah… well, I mean, some days are hard, but… I’m doing alright, don’t worry. How’ve you been? I’ll go home next time I get some time off. I don’t even know, the reason why I’m here “He’s a liar”, you said, and made me out to be a scoundrel, why?

All I did was dream/ If it is a never-ending dream.

So you find me INNOCENT, it’s that simple right? Come to know me as an honest man, eat your words, gulp them down.

Mikoto: [scream] You’re all fucking annoying! I’ll beat you all to death, pieces of shit!!! Mikoto : AAAHHHHHHHHHH!! DESTROY EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING!!

Then let's just destroy everything! I don't want this worthless world. This is my dream!

Before the life in this world is exhausted./ Say what? You’re gonna break.-You’re overdoing it, you’re already broken.

When this time comes- in this corner of the universe. Watch tragedy happen.../ Why, why, if only I were never born, if only. Why, why.

My life...it wasn't supposed to be this way.

Let's get the bullet out of the way second now this one may be a bit well surprising but-

Futa Love Scope

Look I don't want to do this to any of us here, considering how Stork is viewed as a character but I have to. I can't unsee it.

"That's right! You know me from way back. Those feelings already begin to excellerate."/ "Don’t act like you have no idea! We won’t forgive you- You’re the crazy one! Ban-Ba-Bang"- "FUCK IT! You won’t be forgiven, it was stupid licking each other’s wounds." "You already noticed right? What you gonna do?"

"Ah, now that you mention it- It's an unchanging feeling 'Attention' only to you."/ "I'm already obsessed!" "You’re the crazy one!" "You already knew, the whole time. You can’t escape, how do you like the taste of punishment?" "You won’t be forgiven, a coward, never!"

TELL ME! Please, do not hide it! 'Communication'. I want to sing about the 'you' that nobody knows. I want to peek at all those feelings./ "What I want to hear is the scream deep inside you!"

SHOW ME! Go ahead and just be yourself! 'Realization'./ "Bye bye idiots and devils with a faces of angels. We will expose you all by whipping you with words until you are bruised."

"I will take away your smile, I will take away everything until nothing is left. Unleash this hot impulse but do not get lost into it."/ "It's a bit annoying because I can't handle too much hot food. I want it on repeat, I want a spicy treat- Can I get seconds? One more time! I want to burn bright red!" "I want to escape, but I'm not able to."- "Flames closing in, can’t douse this FIRE!"

"I will not let you go until I die. Let's hold onto everything properly until it becomes transparent."/ "Isn't it alright to have loved? Tied together without touching anyone. Isn't this also fate? Dissapear, dissapear, this kind of love-"

"I don't need a love where you're just holding back. I'll always be watching you. Ah! Right now...it's so painful."/ "Did you call it love? Clinging and being impatient. Isn't it alright to kill the type of me that hates you?"- "I can't stop! I don't want to stop! Make sure to cool it down so you don't get burned. I want to escape, but I'm not able to."

"That's right, it's showing on my face. I want to protect you, I cannot stand it! TELL ME! Please let me have this 'Recreation' with your words."/ "Bless me, please, with one more chance." "I’ll deign to hear your last words if you want."

How many times have you repeated this love. I want you to scold me more. I can't have enough! That's why it's amusing./ Tears aren’t enough, no way no how it’s going to end. It’s so hot, so hard to breath, there’s no solace for my heart.

Ah, right now...It's so hot (painful).

Q.07 What have you been into lately?

Futa: Finding a way to distract myself from the pain.

Let's share the answer 'Imagination'/ "If you know I would like you to tell me first. Okay?" "Hot is good, don't you think so? Is it a big deal? Hey, isn't the word "but" not not good? Want to hear the word "more". How is it inside your head?" "I'm already obsessed! Is it doing super great? Hey, honestly isn't it not not crazy? I want to hear the truth! It's heating up inside my head! I CAN'T STOP! I DON'T WANT TO STOP!"

Love Scope manages to perfectly embody all of the things brought up not only in Futa's own songs but the songs he was given to cover. Making it an all-around good fit for him.

Mu Tokemeki Reverie

At the window, I rub my sleepy eyes.

I want to be loved more than anyone else... / "Take more and more (honey) and devote to me." "I told you I’m queen, and it will never be changed." "All the 'good' things that happened today, were actually no good without you." "Why won’t you stop hurting me? My heart is all dried up." "The stabbing of the little devil’s voice, counterattack being a suicide note “I love YOU”."

I had a dream about drowning in a sea of tea. I don't want to go away.

"If I was gone, if I had just disappeared. I overheard, I found out. How much I’m not needed." "I see it in my dreams even though I erased it. Maybe I'm done."

Please don't wake me up. Embraced by the silk bed. I'm still sleepy I stop the ringing of the alarm clock. Together in a dream!/ "Let’s meet up inside the pain, a place just for me." "God gave me everything, everything is as I wish." "All I have, I'll transmit to you. Even this disease. Because the more painful the more I want to share with you."

I just want to run away from this love./ At the mercy of an endless love. NOW, I can't stand love.

This tea time won't have an end. So, forget everything. The marriage of love and sweetness. Heart-pounding reverie, a maiden wonder zone!/ "I don’t want tomorrow to come, I want to forget yesterday."

I am always dreaming because the wolves are scary. Don't stare at me with that face. Don't show your fangs to the real me.../ "Hey, what if- If I am a bad girl. Don’t hate me."

I can't erase those thorns. So, I have no choice but to embrace them. Tie your heart with a pink ribbon. Please dissappear. I'm always in my dream./ "I told you I’m queen, and it’s always the same. God gave me everything, everything is as I wish. If you want to betray from jealousy. You know what’s gonna happen ON YOU."

Embraced by the silk bed. I want to sleep, please drop off the alarm clock. DO NOT DISTURB ME! This see-through tulle's dress reveals my heart. Drink all the tears, all the tears that I have shed./ "I was miserable, someone please help me." "Just one more time before saying goodbye. I’m just kidding, please forget I said that." "Why won’t you stop hurting me? My heart is all dried up."

A dream scape heart-pounding reverie. A Maiden's Secret Place./ A place just for me.

Haruka Originality Incident

23/04/07 Haruka: Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. PleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-san

I won't give you any of my words. I have closed my mouth. Don't even smile at me. I have hidden my face.

23/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday) Futa: Oi, you. Is he ok? He’s not even left his room lately. Mu: You mean Haruka-kun? Hmm. Yeah, probably. I’ve been bringing all his meals to him so he should be fine. Isn’t that great of me? Futa: Hah? Who the hell says that sort of thing about themself. … ah, no, well, right now I understand a bit. When you’re feeling down, it’s nice to have someone who relies on you and accepts you. The rest of us can’t really understand you from where we’re standing. But well, if you’re Haruka’s “salvation” then I guess it really is great.

Let's play a song of salvation, shall we? It will be a perfect song for you blind guys, right? Phrases that repeat over and over again. It's like echoes that make you stop thinking./ "The word I tried to say was “You’re unfair”, And those words thought how pitiful I am." "You would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless.”." "It’s enough, I am a “disappointment”." "I am always repeating yesterday." "How many more times do I have to do this so I can be human?"

Buried in solitude, I will protect my world. I won't let anyone touch this beloved place. Don't look; don't look at me! There is nobody here, nobody, just look away!/ "My loneliness was desired."

I don't need kindness. Because it only makes you miserable./ "Why is it breaking? Tell me why? Please don’t change."

I don't need rightness, you just have to break the mask./ "The right future unfairly chose the wrong me"

Steps repeated over and over again. Footsteps echo, like you are afraid. I will make a world by eating loneliness. This is the ideal place which I have always imagined./ "I will definitely make you love me again." "I promise to make my dreaMU come true."

Let me go, let me go! I don't need you! Close it, close it! Don't make me expect something.../ "You shouldn’t get so close to me. Bringing misfortune to people is the only thing I’m naturally good at. The more you know about me, I’m sure I’ll bring misfortune onto you as well, prison guard."

Emotions peeping at this moment of chance. I thought I had forgotten what I truly wished for./ "I wanted to be a pitied and loved weakling. I was in denial, I was in denial." "If with one click, and I can reset everything- Can I be your favorite this time?"

Buried in solitude, I will protect my world. I love this place where no one can notice me. Find, find out about me... Reach, reach for it! I stretched out my hands./ Someone please notice me… Don’t leave me alone, don’t leave me.

Amane Sin

An ugly and rage-filled ending... From now on, I'll erase everything!

"So nary a sound can be uttered a second time, I’ll crush your throat too."

Receiving an incomplete life, I am waiting for divine punishment. Throw away your pitiful ego. The price is tainted in red.../ "The “It can’t be helped”, from the scum who can’t be helped. That makes them doubtlessly, clearly, absolutely, unequivocally, beyond any doubt, GUILTY. I disavow you, eyes corrupted must be crushed."

I will take on the power from the god of this world. If everyone can be saved right now! I shall become the substitute! Now! -Bring down the hammer of justice!-/ "Dear wise one, am I worthy? Is it ok to spoil myself? I promise! A pinky promise is a pinky promise! Even I can say "I'm sorry" Even I have hope I swear! I'm going to be a good girl now! That's it! Dear wise one, Is this ok? Is it ok to be weak sometimes? I promise! A good girl that keeps a promise is like, mwah!"

A place where the ventilation is bad. A jet black egotist. I learned about an unforgivable sin. The price is tainted in black.../ "I don’t need it any more, if you’re going to break your vow. Here and now, it’s my turn to tear you apart. So there is no second time, I’ll give back the judgment that you gave to me." "Despite this. The “It can’t be helped”, from the scum that can’t be helped- That makes them doubtlessly, clearly, absolutely, unequivocally, beyond any doubt, categorically, emphatically, GUILTY!" "After you cry, repent, and kneel, it’s now your turn to say that hopeless “I’m sorry”. You’re sorry? I don’t care! Please, go ahead and die already. Remember MY cries, MY repents, MY words of “I’m sorry” that I said to you?"

A jet black egotist/ The “It can’t be helped”, from the SCUM who can’t be helped.

Kotoko Peterpan Syndrome

Love 'me', who is nobody./Laugh and I can get to like myself.

I was not afraid of anything when I was a child. I believed that I was special.

"Treat you like a child? Hah, you’ve got to be kidding. Back when I was your age, I was already the person I am today. I don’t have any plans to let you get away with something just “because you’re a child.” ……remember that."

Q.04    When did you start learning martial arts?

Kotoko: When I was in primary school, I think? Without enough power, justice won’t be upheld.

Q.07 What did you study at university?

Kotoko: Technically, I’m studying law. I’m on a break right now because there’s something else I want to do, though.

With these hands of mine, as I desired I will change the world./ "I can’t forgive the evil hurting the weak It’s unforgivable, I won’t allow it, I sweared." "Whose fault is it, this is getting ridiculous."

Q.12  What is your motto?

Kotoko: “There’s no other way that could let us live, so I walk this path.” [TN: Quote from Mushanokouji Saneatsu.]

Q.13 Do you have any regrets?

Kotoko: No.

Stretch out your hands and grasp it. The one and only 'me'. Let out your voice and praise the special 'me'./ "I want to be drowning in the knowledge that I am right."

I didn't want to admit that I am the same as the others. I pretended not to see it and conveniently closed my eyes./ "The person that can’t be saved, is now understanding the abnormality."

I wanted someone to recognise the fake me that I have created. I'm alone in this world like a child./ "Shall we replace the poor soul, and the miserable delusion." "The person that can’t be saved, is now understanding the abnormality." "Losing it, losing it, what should I hope for?"

Envelop and embrace me. The 'me' who is like a child./ "Newly born “HARROW HARROW”. It’s ok to dislike, right?"

Mahiru Distorted†Happiness

This feeling of love for you. That's the only reason my body moves./ "Mon-mon-monstrously in love in love. Mon-mon-monstrous, cuz I love you so much. Mon-mon-monstrously in love in love. A monstrous dilemma!!! I just love you so much!"

"The things that I only want to say to you, and the things that I want from you- Is love."

Mahiru: Because I know how precious it is to be in love. The moment you love someone, you realize the beauty of the world as it changes. To not forgive me means to take the act of loving away from me. That’s the same as not being alive. It’s the same as not being able to drink water or breathe. So… if this love isn’t allowed, then I don’t mind dying. Kotoko-chan’s acts aren’t a problem, either. I think she’s fighting for her own cause as well. So I don’t blame her. Because I also think that I… that my love isn’t wrong. I don’t want to be shamed for my love.

Your feeling of hatred. That's the only reason my body fidgets./ "We can both feel lonely sometimes, but wonder if you’ll get angry soon." "We fought sometimes, I was happy to get hurt. Let’s have matching pain, this sickness is pretty bad."

But to say it's a lie however… If this sorrow can be healed. Continuing mutually to be fooled./ "Do you really think you know what love is? If you do, let’s just overheat together!" "I don’t need anyone else, as long as I have you I could do anything as long as you smiled, I actually believed that." "Saying I love you but doing what I did, I know I have no right, crossed and covered in sin. My love, it scored an own goal, destroyed my love and me with its weight. Tell me, oh tell me why, can’t I just do it right?!"

This urge of love for you. It is strangely hard to understand. Your impulse of distress. It is less hard to understand./ "This can’t go on, something’s got to give, I even love saying the words, “I love you”. My emotions are out of control, that’s inconvenient? I don’t care! Tell me, oh tell me why, won’t you just accept me?"

This never-ending Mobius ring. Hey, why do you want to run away? All the happiness of the world is here!/ "I get it, I get it, I agree there was enough love in the first place." "What you trampled is my, “This is how to be in love with you”."

Yuno Onboro

A malignant tumor of misfortune, expanding more and more.

It’s a tool to blow apart the absurdity of reality./ "Our love links us together. Just me alone, the warmth starts fading away. Let’s reload the warmth." "“Poor naive little girl”? So off the mark,what’s it to you? It’s just absurd."

The days that can never return. I close my eyes and remember them on these nights./ "I messed up, I found out."-"Are we over? Please don’t answer. What do you want to do? Please tell me." "Desire, bestow, and desire again. The episode reloading on an endless loop. The fading warmth makes me anxious again. Tear drops succumb and fall."

How fleeting, how fleeting, how fleeting, how fleeting, how fleeting./ "The warmth starts fading away."

I don’t need, I don’t need, I don’t need, I don’t need, I don’t need such a specific excuse./ "“Poor naive little girl”? So off the mark,what’s it to you? It’s just absurd. Like really, who do you think you are? Don’t weigh me measure me against your morality Just shut it, will you? You know it all- Feeling magnanimous? INNOCENT? I’m so not that. Just shut it, will you? You know it all."

A scream scooping out my organs, and the squirming, ugly emotions./ When I vomit up everything I was hiding, they were all things that you were like, "That's so true!". I don't believe you but I don't not in honesty. I'll just use to pass the time until morning comes.

The most pathetic excuse for a life. I dreamt of laughing with you so many years ago. I want to spill out the entirety of this grief and hatred, ah-/"“UNDER” My cord’s being pulled but nothing’s ever enough. Contractual desires, oh what to do, FUTURE." "Until I eat all of you, I'll scream!"

I’m sure I was alive back then, my body still had some warmth./ "Reload the warmth." "Let's just do it please smile." "The episode reloading on an endless loop. The fading warmth makes me anxious again. Tear drops succumb and fall."

The peace that was crushed and trampled on like a bug. It won’t heal, it won’t heal, it won’t heal, it won’t heal, so what’s really the right answer here?/ "I want to be your stickybug for a bit each and every day." "If we connect and check, maybe I can die." "They may pile up until I'm crushed. It's fine, it's sad, it's painful- Until I eat all of you, it's okay, it's fun, it feels amzing."

A whole life’s worth of murderous impulses, and the emotions of falling into despair./ The lies are endless. Just me alone, it really is lonely.

I can’t stand everyone going away and leaving me alone./ "Hey, say that you love me so it won't ever be forgotten. Since I don't need anyone but you." "Let’s be together till the morning “Good morning” “Good night” I want to be with you as many times as I can." Just me alone, the warmth starts fading away."

I want to kill the despair and sing, I want to sing, so. Even if I shouldn’t, I’ll create this song. Even if I become a worn-out thing that’s lost its voice to flame./ "They may pile up until I'm crushed. It's FINE. It's SAD. It's PAINFUL. Until I eat all of you- It's OKAY. It's FUN. It feels AMAZING. It's so ADDICTING that I'll drown- I'LL SCREAM!"

Let's just do it, please smile?- I can't smile well anymore- It's because of you.

I want to spill out the entirety of this grief and hatred. A pathetic and hopeless worn-out thing that’s lost its voice.- Contractual desires, oh what to do, FUTURE!- What do you want to do? Please, tell me.

Kazui Angel's Song

Accept it, compromise, or give up? I’ll overcome it with the angel’s song. Broken wings won’t do anything for me anymore; O Maria, come and destroy it all here.

We can change the destiny that was imposed on us at birth./ Maybe, perhaps... or... could it come true... like It’s for the sake of true love, who wouldn’t lie for that?

I’ll break down that wall; so what if it has to come with empty feelings?/ "Please tell me what I should do, feelings shrouded in lies will float away and disappear." "Since when have I ignored my feelings? It’s better to be a let down, than to be let down yourself."

Your very own Holy Grail is the affection you were seeking. There’s still frailty under the perfection; where am I? Where are you?/ "That sticky-sweet sequence: Dinner + Camouflage + You-Know-What Loving Affection (minus) Love, it’s tacky, this two-way deceit."

You’re still struggling in the same darkness, too; are you okay with that? Accept it, compromise, or give up? I’ll overcome it with the angel’s song./ "Laughing together, side by side, this distance in our relationship is misleading me, is this what happiness is? Where did I go wrong, probably from the beginning." "The curse of reuniting with you puts a dagger in my heart. I imagined that you saying "See you" is the same as "It's over”. Only if your heart would change but that’s not possible. Please tell me what I should do, feelings shrouded in lies will float away and disappear." "If continuing to hide is called unhappiness, not even one word will get to you." "Better to be a let down, than to be let down yourself."

Broken wings won’t do anything for me anymore./ I can’t stop, I can’t be normal. This feeling, it can’t be gratified. I can’t stop, I can’t be normal. This feeling, it’s yearning to be satisfied.

Love (plus) Destiny = Crap, smash it, shatter it, bye-bye/O Maria, come and destroy it all here- Maria..

Lie, until it-

I'm sorry the perfect Shidou song from the Caligula Series will always be Eternal Silver. I cannot unsee it and not many songs fit him from the first series.

Now into the wild shit. As I told pretty much everyone. I have finished Caligula Effect 2. General consensus was in many ways it glorifies the privilege of a select few and does extraordinarily little to hide this fact. Yamanaka puts the wealth disparity in fandom on full display throughout Caligula Effect 2 as he rightfully should.

Fandom spaces while still being alcoves for what were previously deemed social outcasts have become more mainstream than they've ever been. Not only that but fandom itself has become a great source of capital in almost every country. This is especially true in Japan. It's not a stretch to say that fandom has become an expensive hobby to engage in.

Yamanaka highlights this by having everyone within the Caligula Effect 2 cast be notably comfortably middle class or explicitly wealthy. To the point of even highlighting the wealth of the musicians we face in all their deep dive stories. He's very in the audience's face about the financial privileges the cast of two have. This is highlighted by Sasara's problem being labeled end of life care something that many don't have the luxury of being able to afford whether it be paying others to do it or even having family that is able to do it for them.

Kiriko is a famous performer in the real-world playing retail worker in Redo because she wanted to live off her own hard work and merits this time around. Recognizing that a lot of the financial success afforded to her was due to her fans in reality and feeling a certain way about not living up to their expectations due to burnout. It's a reasonable and human worry to have but in an age where popstars are masquerading as Walmart employees to promote their works well it's not difficult to see the similarities.

Caligula Effect 2 is meant to reflect the worries of modern individuals. People in fandom when the game came out. Most of fandom in and out of Japan is financially secure now. Hell, even well off. They need to be to afford to engage in the things they wish to at times. This isn't true for everyone; I, myself, am broke as hell and my family always has been.

If we wanted to get something entertainment based, we'd usually have to go into credit card debt to do so. I've been in fandom discord servers with people who have had shrines to one piece of media, pools in their backyards, lived in mansions and had maids. I've been in fandom environments with comfortably middle-class individuals and obscenely wealthy ones.

That have-

Devalued black lives as less than animals. (more than once)

Said the LGBTQIA movement was created by white Americans and has no ties to black activism or pocs.

Were globetrotting socialites. That could fly in and out of country when they so pleased.

So, when it comes to two highlighting the issues of modern individuals. There's a conversation to be had about all those people having generational wealth. Something that is repeatedly pulled to the forefront. Purposely throughout all the musicians' stories their wealth is directly referenced multiple times or alluded to. Albeit this happens post-game.

Machina

Machina, save for his well-to-do upbringing, was once an ordinary child like any other. Eventually, a die-cast toy robot bought for him as a child would bring him back from the brink. Such gifts were one of many for a child born to wealth. His parents noticed that these inanimate objects caused him to stop shaking. Taking it as a sign of his recovery, they continued to buy him whatever he wanted. Seeking an outlet to vent these thoughts, he turned toward the virtuadoll software his parents had bought for him when he was younger. He had begged his parents to buy it for him at the height of μ's fame for no other reason than because it "seemed cool." At the time, he had little to express, losing interest without ever using it. Upon dusting it off later on, however, he found the melodies and verses practically flowed out from within him.

His family's wealth is referenced several times throughout the dive deeper passage explaining his background. The musicians mirror the cast so chances are despite having office jobs they now or not they were well off when younger and are still doing financially good now. Not one person complains about what they will be doing outside of the time needed to physically recover once they get out of redo. None of them are remotely concerned if they will have a home to go back to or somewhere to stay. It doesn't come up because it's a nonissue. Everyone here has their fiscal needs met upon returning from redo.

But let's continue with how the musicians continually highlight this immense difference in wealth. If I wanted to sit through people humble brag about affording to do shit I can only dream of affording these passages are where I would go. Because that's what they are.

Pandora

Born to a family of musicians, Pandora grew up playing the piano and violin from a young age. Her family expected her to eventually attend a conservatory of music, as did Pandora herself. She begged her parents to let her work part-time, pouring all her earnings into supporting Hikaru. Interacting with them via paid photo-ops and handshake events became her sole pleasure. For Pandora, life as an idol fan was beyond fulfilling. Pandora was a big spender, a fact even Hikaru Hanamaki knew. Needless to say, she was given special treatment and attention, filling her with both gratification and a sense of superiority. "I have to make more money. Then I can spend more time with him." Pandora cut hours at the school she'd worked so hard to get into, picking up more jobs in order to fully devote her life to Hikaru. She attended every single event, and ran donation drives when sales were low. At times, she'd even buy hundreds of copies of the same CD. Though she knew it unnerved her friends, she bought extra tickets and invited them to live concerts. Part-timing alone couldn't sustain Pandora's spending. The rest, she earned by sugar dating. Her taxing schedules consisted of several men a day. But despite all her physical fatigue, emotionally, Pandora was fulfilled. After all, everything she did was for her beloved Hikaru. Pandora realized she had nothing left for her. At the age of 21, she didn't have enough credits to graduate. Even as her enraged parents disowned her, she had no strength left to defend herself. Pandora was in no mental state to continue attending college at that point, and so instead began to post her compositions online.

But Gunsli, Pandora worked for all of that money herself she can spend it how she wants and that's not privilege she just got played. Yes, she did work for all that money herself but none of it needed to go into utilities, housing, food, rent- She had the ability to spend as much as she did on idols because her family covered those things up to the point they disowned her. Also, people who aren't well off aren't begging their parents to get a job.

There was a dude in my high school that had three and did his classes at the same time and most of his money went you guessed it to his fucking family, to pay bills, to get food. Not to fucking idols.

MU-kun

Oh, come on, he's an office worker- He can't. You need at least college bachelor's or higher to get an office job in this day and age. College isn't free in Japan. But entitlement always is worldwide baby. Let's get going-

In elementary school, MU-kun, captivated by the vastness of outer space, aspired to become an astronaut. Those around him supported his dream, bolstering his confidence. In middle school, MU-kun strove to be an artist, but upon joining the Art Club, found that the images in his brain never came out right on canvas. Picking up a brush became a stressful experience each time. In high school, he sought to play in a band, but decided not to join the Music Club. Despite composing original songs on his guitar to express himself, he never publicly performed during his school years. By the time MU-kun was admitted to an average university, μ was at the peak of her popularity. He devoted himself to virtuadoll composition, having at last found the perfect medium he had been waiting for. After graduating from college, MU-kun landed a job as a systems engineer.

Mu-kun works a position that gets at the least five million yen a year which 33,810.25 usd. He was able to go to schools that afforded him the luxuries of extracurricular activities. The people around him were supportive of his dream to become an astronaut even to the point of him doing engineering in college, one of the avenues in which one can work through to obtain that job.

Individuals who want to become an Astronaut must first complete their undergraduate studies to attain a Bachelor’s degree in Engineering, Biological science, Physical science or mathematics. During their undergraduate degree, individuals must focus heavily on science and math courses to gain valuable knowledge that can be used for flying into outer space. Although not required, a Master’s degree in Engineering, Biological Science, Physical Science or Mathematics is highly desirable.

Making it very likely that despite not being near Pandora's level of wealth, his family were more than likely in the same comfortable financial range as Machina's. He's also able to afford to purchase μ at the peak of her popularity. The same as Machina who begged his parents to get it for him was able to.

#QP

This one will be shorter since no deductions on wealth need to be done here to illustrate the point. The text just comes out the gate stating her financial upbringing-

QP grew up the sole recipient of her parents' love. Raised in an average, middle-class family, she lived a fulfilling school life, with few inconveniences to distress or vex her. QP learned the piano from youth, a skill that she found outstanding success in. In school, she had no trouble making friends with a good number of girls her age. She began to distance herself from romance thereafter, telling those around her that she simply wasn't interested. Desperation was not a good look on her. Besides, social expectations aside, her life had no faults.

Making QP possibly the lowest in the terms of financial status amongst the musicians as she is stated to be averagely middle-class and nothing more. However, it is still highlighted that even though she was not raised with the same financial prosperity as her peers amongst the musicians she wanted for nothing she was good. Because the average middle-class is still financially comfortable.

You're not worrying about utilities not getting paid, food not being accessible, how you'll be getting to school, if you'll have housing or not later on or even access to the internet. She's good. Hell, averagely middle-class is still enough to be taught piano apparently.

Doktor

Do, do- Do I even have to explain this one he's a doctor? Do you know how much it can cost to go to school to become a doctor worldwide. I- Like his passage isn't even about his familial upbringing but we can likely take a fucking guess based on his profession. Like not to be too candid here but come on? He became a practicing doctor at twenty-five. The age one would be if they began studying to become a doctor directly after graduating high school. His life path was not disturbed in any way.

On top of that, he immediately began work on a wealthy family's daughter. Something that, in itself, speaks well of his background since a wealthy family would only want the best for their kid. Not some bozo who barely knows anything.

At 25, Doktor had his first patient, a ten-year-old girl from a wealthy family. Her congenital, incurable illness limited usage of her legs, and she had spent nearly all her life in a private hospital ward.

Speaking of that covers the next person too.

Kranke

For as long as she can recall, Kranke had lived in a hospital. Afflicted with a rare, incurable disease, her life consisted of little other than wasting away in the private ward her wealthy parents forced her into.

Kudan

Kudan was the daughter of Tetsu Ushizawa, a rising politician who could stir the hearts of his supporters with a single, honest word. Kudan felt a strong sense of admiration and pride for him. Hoping to one day help her father in his political service, Kudan devoted herself to academics in her youth, delving into myriad subjects in an attempt to absorb them all. Kudan's intelligence and talent quickly became apparent. However, she struggled with public speaking from birth, and despite her and her parents' attempts to address it, never improved. Nevertheless, she was not too discouraged, as she had always planned on supporting her father from behind the scenes in lieu of assuming a more public role. Young as she was, Kudan realized a single truth. Her father's "loyal" supporters scattered like flies when the scandal broke. In short, "The masses have no habit of self-reliance." They were...hollow. The majority reacted without ever asking why. Their vaunted ideals and logic were only excuses to justify their own beliefs. Her father did not know that. He'd expected too much from the masses. In the meantime, Kudan learned of the incident caused by μ. The existence of virtuadolls seemed to fit in nicely with her own aims. Though the commotion with μ was written off as mass hypnosis, Kudan saw little reason not to use such a powerful idol for a political agenda. She then set her eyes on Regret, who had been rapidly gaining followers after the Astral Syndrome Incident.

Oh-ho, the team actually wrote an entire passage without highlighting someone's financial situation surprising right. Not really. Her father was a well-known political figure. Though still on the rise he was known enough to be dragged into scandal by one of his own aides. A scandal that heavily impacted the trajectory of his career. A lot of rising politicians end up at first backing their own campaigns before using the financial aid of donors to pay for campaign needs.

They can also have help from close associates as well. However, chances are that like her peers amongst the musicians Kudan's family was financially secure. Something they remained after the scandal as well. Since there is no mention of financial troubles in the passage and Kudan went about with her normal activities after. Certainly, her father's chances at a career in politics and reputation were ruined along with Kudan's own social reputation due to another incident but she was not deterred from pursuing politics in her own way in the future.

Specifying the virtuadol technology within the series as a tool that would be helpful in doing that. A consistent bit of information highlighted throughout Caligula Effect 2 is how the virtuadol technology the world of Mobius and Redo can be weaponized and repurposed for political or personal gain.

Bluffman

Bluffman was an exceptionally talented individual, both as a researcher and an engineer. At the same time, he was also a terribly tactless individual. Under normal circumstances, he could have easily utilized his high intellect and technological expertise to procure a high-end research position. Instead, he opted to live life as a peripatetic engineer out of a disdain for interpersonal communication. He married his childhood friend, and when he was 25, a daughter was born between them. Even in youth, he struggled with social skills and expression, unable to so much as pretend to be friendly or likable. Even still, his wife accepted him, flaws and all. For her sake, as well as that of their daughter, he resolved to do his utmost in the one place he could: his work. All other thoughts were put out of his mind. His wife left him. He didn't know why. Perhaps she had found another man, or perhaps she was unhappy with his disinterest in their daughter's issues at school. Whatever it was, he could only blame himself for not having even the slightest clue about what had driven her away. After he and his daughter had finished "grieving," in a sense, conversation between them ceased. It was then that he realized: he had only thought their family life was happy because his wife had been there to maintain it. She had been the linchpin holding his tactless self and rapidly maturing daughter together. Now that she was gone, he no longer had any idea how to interact with his only child.

Remind you of anyone-

Not dead- Yeah, she's definitely not dead... I finally understand the value of what I've been robbing people of.

Q.16 How did you meet your partner? Shidou: We lived near each other. We got to know each other as family friends. Q.17 Tell us your dating history. Shidou: My memory’s a bit foggy, but I had one partner in kindergarten, and two in primary school. I started going out with my wife in my second year of middle school, and we’ve been together ever since. Q.19 What was your partner like? Shidou: A strong person. I tend to be a bit careless in my personal life, so I was always relying on her.

Bluffman has a normal middle class upbringing with no determents to his goals. Even being comfortable enough to decide to pick his occupation not by how much it would earn but what would allow him to speak to people the least. Not a choice many people can afford to make. Despite this he's still very well paid as we'll see from his daughter~

Regret

Sayoko was born the eldest daughter of Koichiro Hitomi, an engineer; and Rio Hitomi, a vocalist. Interpersonal relations had been a struggle for Sayoko from youth. Other children would ostracize her for reasons she could not understand. At times, she would upset them. At other times, they would spurn her entirely. She could only surmise that her very existence was what offended others. Before long, she realized just how poor her social skills were. Even so, Sayoko would not let it discourage her. Consequently, she also made no attempt to reflect upon herself. What could she do? It was simply the way she'd been born. It was likely a trait she inherited from her father. As far as she could tell, the problem was of no fault of her own. When she was 14, her mother left for good. Perhaps it was her fault for refusing to attend school. Or perhaps her mother had been upset at her father's disinterest over the situation. Whatever the reason, she had no clue what it was. Only a single thought crossed her mind: "At least I don't have to worry about going to school anymore." With her mother gone, Sayoko began to hole herself up within her room. But even then, her father made no real attempt to actively connect with her. Without any reason to go back to school, nor any incentive to set her life back on track, Sayoko's life as a shut-in not only began, but remained for a long time to come. Armed with a credit card she had been provided for living expenses and food, Sayoko bought whatever she desired online. Though it had never come up in conversation, she assumed that her father was the one who paid for her purchases. The internet would serve to satisfy Sayoko's boredom. Moments would come when she felt the urge to return to attending school, or otherwise find a way to move on with her life. However, these anxieties faded whenever she saw others online who shared in her circumstances. She was the girl who had been bullied at school. The shut-in whose mother had left her.At heart, she almost wished she could stay that way forever. Change was not something she wanted. She had become addicted to the idle life of comfort that validated her victim complex.

Yeah, sound familiar?

I am doing this is just because of being bored.

I told you I’m queen, and it’s always the same. God gave me everything, everything is as I wish. It’s not my fault- I am absolutely RIGHT. If I was gone, if I had just disappeared. I overheard, I found out how much I’m not needed. There’s no special meaning, I got the short end of the stick. Q.04 What do you dislike? Mu: Scary people and ghosts. And right now, school. Q.06 If you suddenly had a large amount of money, what would you use it on? Mu: I usually do whatever I want, so haven’t ever thought about it.

Okay, Gunsli what was the point of highlighting all of that. Well firstly, it was a good way of illustrating the similarities between Caligula Effect and Milgram. They're written by the same person so of course they'll have overlap that isn't really much of a surprise to anyone. However, it's the things that come in next that are really interesting when it comes to Milgram as a series.

The reason I went through the trouble of highlighting the financial privilege of the antagonists of Caligula Effect 2 is because the antagonists directly parallel the protagonists. This means the same privileges can be applied to all of them. This aspect is highlighted the most through Ryuto. Someone that to their own admission is immensely wealthy with more opportunities and options than any of the cast within the game.

Struggling to grapple with his own immense privilege he puts it upon himself to fix the issues of and look out for those around him. The ones that have not been afforded the vast opportunities and benefits he himself has. His issue literally being labeled Noblesse Oblige-

Ryuto is facing this class divided between him and his peers head on and attempting to not be like the adults in his life that have failed to do anything beneficial for the rest of society with their material wealth. This heavily ties into the ending of Caligula Effect 2 as Ryuto commits to studying to become a doctor in order to help Kranke and Marie through their conditions. Beyond that it is implied to be through the financial aid of Ryuto that Chi is released to the market. As before he tells the gang of her release announcement through the group chat he says,

"I wondered when she'd get here."

Something that does not make much sense for him to say considering the game at points tells the players that the company that released the virtuadols tied to the Mobius incident had legal trouble after. Going bankrupt and halting the release of Chi as a result of the incident.

However, if someone else acquired the company after bankruptcy then they could push the release of Chi forward. This is what is implied by Ryuto's statement. Because his words do not make him sound surprised at Chi's release but as though he were waiting for it to be announced. Something he would only be doing if he was already aware of this before anyone else and just sitting on the news as a surprise for the others.

It would not be a stretch of the imagination to believe that Ryuto went about discussing acquiring or aiding the company that made Chi in order to release her to market. After befriending her in Redo. We also know from the existence of the chat log during this ending of Caligula Effect 2 that the micro-Mobius was not destroyed. Instead it is now fully a domain for Chi which allows her to let the go home club keep in contact after exiting Redo through that chat. Unlike in the other ending where the club does not keep in contact and the micro mobius does indeed collapse and is destroyed.

This is where Milgram comes in. As Caligula Effect 2 displays through Bluffman as long as someone has access to the code of mobius they can access and slowly repurpose it to suit their own means. We know that Milgram has done thousands if not millions of experiments such as the one we see in the web series as it is implied in the novels and manga. However, that's not necessarily indicative of how many years Milgram has been around but how many people it has been able to draw in.

Something any Caligula Effect fan knows is that Mobius and Redo are capable of drawing a lot of people in at once or over time. The micro mobius of Redo can draw in thousands and Bluffman is working on repurposing it to draw in more people. Furthermore any milgram fan that plays two will notice something very familiar about Regrets boss fight.

The fact that she is being driven to combat by the voices of her fans (the audience). An overwhelming amount of voices and eyes on her. The same way as the audience is portrayed throughout Milgram. She hears all these people depending on her wanting her to keep going and not leave redo.

It's all these voices that are fighting the against the player in order to protect their ideal Regret despite the players knowing that ideal doesn't exist. Regret has told the player as much herself. Begging for the player to kill her so she can get out of this crazy situation admitting that she'd been helping the player get through this all along just to get to this moment. Because she was made incapable of harming herself and getting out of here by Bluffman.

Caligula Effect 2 highlights that all these people to an extent have financial privilege in order to emphasize that this technology not only exists within this world but is in the hands of the wealthy. Who would have every incentive to use it in the ways we see it used within Milgram.

How much would someone pay in order to put somebody else in here who they thought killed their family?

How do all the prisoners not know how they ended up here? Why does Kazui ponder about what organization is behind all of this? How Milgram was able to bring ten acquitted murderers together and why? Sounds a lot like what Kuchinashi was doing in Caligula Effect Overdose. Where she attempted to punish Eiji in Mobius for crimes he committed in the real world and was acquitted of due to a lack of information and an inability to tie him to the scene of the crime. For again reasons that everyone who has played Overdose are privy to. Kuchinashi uses μ to peak into Eiji's heart and memories to simply tell if he was that lawyer. A surface level bit of information that is not hard to catch.

Yet more details than that may take a bit of extra prodding and time to be extracted. Beyond that the Milgram audience is expressly shown that all of the prisoners have in fact heard Miku's music. This is displayed both through them cover her songs and Yuno's mvs where she signs her covers at karaoke.

Now what's the first condition of ending up in Mobius or Redo hearing one of the idols songs. Everyone who ends up their was conveniently listening to one of μ's or Regret's songs before hand. Am I proposing that Milgram is a continuation of Caligula Effect no I believe a Milgram game would be but not the web series.

I'm suggesting that the web series is using the same mechanics as the Caligula Effect games. And also that it would be fun if it was, in fact, a continuation. However, since we are unaware if Miku exists within the Caligula Effect universe it's difficult to commit to that at this moment. However given the similarities along with Yamanaka's statements on wishing to make the audience into a characters along with his attempt at doing that within 2.

Chances are Milgram is an extension of the concepts already presented in Caligula Effect 2 and the reasons prisoners are said to be lost instead of dying is because there are these things in the Caligula Effect games called lost souls. Because everyone in Mobius or Redo is in reality within a coma they would not be considered physically dead within this digital world.

However as we see with Eiji Biwasaka the deaths that happen within the Milgram novels are still very much possible within this digital world. As Eiji Biwasaka is killed by a large falling piece of glass within Mobius. More than likely this is enough of mental shock to cause a mental shutdown in reality or as is brought up in Shidou's case brain death.

So literally everything that can happen in Milgram can happen within Mobius or Redo. People can sustain damage, starve themselves, die the whole nine yards. They can hear these voices talking all around them. The voices of a place called Metaverse-Es. A space for the collective human consciousness. Soooo, what's the likelihood of this many coincidences occurring without it being considered a pattern or an escalation?

Because it seems like an escalation to me. However, that's just a speculation. It would be interesting though and we know from his previous stories this technology simply exists. Furthermore, all the characters in Milgram have all said at one point or another just like the Caligula Effect cast they want to go home and we were even implored at the very beginning to vote as though these characters would be released back into society depending on your verdict.

I wonder if like the Caligula cast the prisoners will try to get home the hard way too. It's never too early for a jailbreak.

[boreal-sea]

I find your post about policy disingenuous. 1) because making it seem like; "it's just about Palestine" is incredibly racist in ways I don't have the spoons to explain right now. But 2), your list leaves out the very real and very racist policy actions that Biden has taken against prisoners and immigrants. Under Biden the situation in prisons and at the border has gotten considerably worse than under Trump. He literally has more children in cages than Trump ever did. But apparently children in cages are only bad when Cheeto Man does it.

I'm not the one making it "just about Palestine", the people screaming "Genocide Joe!" are the ones making it just about Palestine. I'm trying to get people to look at literally any other issue besides Palestine - that's the entire reason I made that chart, to PROVE there's so much more at stake than "just Palestine". Stop blaming single-issue voters on ME when you're actually angry at THEM.

I am in fact currently going through the entire list because a different Anon claimed Biden is not "for" any of the things on the list. It is going to take a long time. But I will tackle your specific concerns.

Biden and immigration

It is frankly unfair to compare the number of people at the border under Biden to Trump's era, because their immigration policies are very different.

Yes, immigration at the border gone up since Biden took office. Most of the encounters at the borders have been with asylum seekers. And yes, technically there are more children "in cages" that there was when Trump was in office... because Trump wasn't letting children into the country at all. Biden is not turning them away, unlike Trump, who cited "COVID concerns" as his reason for turning starving and dehydrated children away from the border. In Trump's case, this was actually just straight up racism, because he hates Mexicans. He also hates Muslims, and enacted many immigration and travel bans against people from majority-Muslim nations. So yeah, of course there were less people being processed through immigration centers: Trump was turning them all away.

Your comparison, therefore, is extremely disingenuous. I don't think kids in custody is good, but I also think it's slightly better than kids dying of thirst in the desert or being forced to return to unsafe places.

Source: Politifact Fact-Check

Biden and prison reform

As for Biden's actions towards prisoners: Biden has been big on criminal justice reform his entire term. Here is a list of some things (among many more) he has done for criminal justice reform:

A majority of the people he nominated to appoint to courts around the country were people of color and/or women, in an effort to increase diversity in the criminal justice system.

He placed a moratorium on the death penalty.

He ordered the Department of Justice to not renew contracts with private (for-profit) prisons for federal prisoners.

He has pardoned and commuted many federal sentences for non-violent drug-related crimes (he has no control over non-federal convictions).

He provided grants to encourage the hiring of people with prior convictions.

He enacted a program to ensure prisoners leaving prison were given proper temporary IDs, which the were not in the past.

He pardoned federal offenses for the simple possession and use of marijuana.

He expanded Pell grants for prisoners to be able to obtain degrees during and after they leave prison

Added more options for prisoners with loans to consolidate and get onto repayment plans as low as $0 a month.

He enacted the First Step act, which facilitates prisoner reentry to society, rehabilitation, and reduces prisoner numbers in federal prison, including the release of over 30,000 prisoners.

He reduced the checking of criminal records in hiring processes for federal positions, enabling more people to be hired to those positions.

Added 19 new recidivism-reduction programs (programs to reduce the chances someone will end up back in jail).

This is not an exhaustive list. He has done EVEN MORE for criminal justice reform than this. You can just google this stuff, it's not hard to find.

Sources:

WhiteHouse.Gov

NBC News

Times.Com

[wetcatspellcaster]

I'm in the last few months of my PhD and am definitely flagging. Do you have any advice for the end of it?

Also, your writing is wonderful xxx

hey anon, sorry for the delay in replying, I was on holiday!!!

which is absolutely my first piece of advice - schedule a break, schedule a holiday if you are financially able to. This is a sincere plea from someone who DIDN'T do this (or rather, whose first 'break' was wiped out by covid), and it's the one thing i wish I'd done differently. Right now, you probably feel like you can't take time off (you can!) and after you submit you might be focusing on financial solvency like i was (don't!). Schedule a break. I have now had 6 months of non-stop deadline chasing and work since my surgery, and sure enough the cracks show heavily. i'm tired, my emotional regulation is shot, and i'm not doing well. DON'T become me!!! Take a day or two off in these final few months to enjoy yourself, and schedule in a CONCERTED break to be head empty once everything is over, or risk exhaustion and burnout.

my other piece of advice is subject dependent but: the thesis doesn't have to be perfect, it just needs to be done.

if you're a humanities student like i am, you will probably get corrections. your thesis could be the sistene chapel of theses, and it probably will still get corrections. so if you're pushing wordcount, or coming up against comments from your supervisor that just aren't feasible in the time you have left, then save the comment somewhere, then delete it from your current document. It can be a Corrections Era problem, not a Final Submission problem. do what needs to be done to have a submittable piece, action what feedback it's reasonable to action - and learn to trust your judgement on that! (sincerely, a me who still has issues with standing up to authority!!! I should've been deleting some stupid comments right out the fucking gate!!)

no one knows your thesis like you do. if there's feedback you don't agree with at this stage, cull it. if there's feedback that would take you over wordcount or that you just don't see the point of, cull it. trust in yourself as a scholar, and also know your limits. your supervisor isn't in your brain, and doesn't know how tired you are. There is a difference between essential feedback, and nice-to-haves, and at this stage the nice-to-have bandwidth is getting thinner and thinner. Action essential feedback, and then anything that is easy/quick to do, and will definitely improve your project. the rest can wait until post-exam x

[nerdinsandals]

Hi I just need to vent a lil bit because I'm kinda frustrated with my health at the moment shdkfj

I'm not like, sick or anything, or at least I don't think I am. I'm just feeling physically and mentally exhausted to the point that I can barely keep my eyes open sometimes, or maybe I manage to do one (1) task and that's enough to knock me out for the day and maybe even the next day sometimes if I do more than one thing that requires the smallest amount of effort. It's not like I was full of energy before because my battery is always at like 60%, but I don't think I've felt this weak in a long time, and this has been going on for months already. Some days are better than others, but I never feel like I'm at my normal.

At first I thought it was just the result of all the accumulated exhaustion I wasn't allowing myself to feel while preparing for my librarian exam (which took place in late January), but like I said it's been months already and I feel like the exhaustion should've been gone by now? But then I remembered that I was sick with a high fever a couple weeks before said exam, because a relative thought it was a great idea to come to visit with clear flu-like symptoms and no mask (and they didn't cover their mouth when coughing, either), so of course I caught whatever they had. I rarely catch viruses, but I still get vaccinated and take as many precautions as I can because, when I do, I usually have to deal with the nastier side-effects, unlike other people who recover just fine.

Since I was isolating anyway because I was in full hermit mode studying for my exam, I didn't think about taking a COVID test, but now I'm starting to think that maybe what that relative had was in fact COVID and what I'm experiencing is post-viral fatigue? It's the only thing that makes sense with the information I have, since iirc it can last for months… I'm not sure if there's anything that can be done to make it better so idk if I should bother my doctor again (healthcare is currently very overworked and understaffed here, and especially in the summer), but if I keep feeling this way after the summer I guess an appointment won't hurt. 😅

My librarian exam fortunately went well despite already feeling the exhaustion (which at that point I chalked up to the stress of preparing for the exam for like a year), and I don't know the final results just yet because they're taking an embarrassingly long time to publish them, but I have to wonder if I would've done better had I not fallen sick. I needed to do exceptionally well to secure the position and unfortunately, while like I said, I did well (like an 80 out of 100), I didn't do "secure the position by getting in the top 10 out of thousands" well. ;; There's always next time I guess. But right now I just want to be able to draw and do things I enjoy without getting tired!

So yeah, I thought I'd be able to get at least a couple pieces done for Conway Day this year, but with only a bit over a couple weeks left I haven't been able to even finish *one* because I don't want to push myself and make it worse. I hope I can at least finish one of them, since I should be able to make a couple posts out of it! And of course I know this should be the least of my worries, but I just really like celebrating Conway Day and it frustrates me that I can't have my usual stash of new art to provide haha

Anyway, thanks for reading and take care of yourselves! And tell your relatives to wear a mask if they want to visit you and they know they're sick (or maybe don't visit at all?) 😑

[scrumptiousstuffs]

Tag game

Tagged by the lovely @mbjw

Why did you choose your url? - It first started as "thescrumptiousbookstuffs" cause I really like books but I never really have the time to actually write a proper review of books (or even read nowadays). And then I decided the whole name was too long, and I basically shorten it into the current moniker. Cause I thought, hey - BL boys are scrumptious too 😁

Any sideblogs? - If you have them, name them and why do you have them - I just started one but there is nothing posted on it. I called it "just writing" cause it will likely be my random thoughts that I will keep private

How long have you been on tumblr? - Since 2010 (I think) but for the longest time, it was empty where I will occasionally reblog random things. I only started to become active in during COVID lockdown

Do you have a queue tag? - Nah, I cannot be bothered. I usually just post it immediately.

Why did you start your blog in the first place - COVID lockdown means I was oscillating between depression and boredom. Apart from work (which was exhausting cause I worked in the medical field and during lockdown, I don't have to tell you want that means), I was pretty much isolated from my closest friends and family (as they all live in a different country altogether). So, tumblr allowed me to browse through my interest (mainly BTS and BL)

Why did you choose your icon/pff? - Erm, FK owns my soul. Hehe...They are my children/babies and I will defend them till the end of time.

Why did you choose your header? - I change this every few months. The most recent one is a photo I took when I went travelling to the Southern part of New Zealand (my other interest apart from BL/BTS is to take beautiful photographs of nature)

What's your post with the most notes? - I think it is the Wandee Goodday cast dressing up (and having fun) during Pride Month. I guess seeing Podd in drag is a highlight for everyone lol

How many mutuals do you have? - Not sure. 10? I am terrible at this, I should really follow more people lol

Now many followers do you have? - just over 750. Not a lot hehe

How many people do you follow? 26. I should really follow more people.....

Have you ever made a shitpost? - If you mean putting/posting things that I regret - yes. I then just delete them.

How often do you use tumblr each day? - I checked them at least 3-4 times per day (bad, I know 😅), but it is fun to see what other people are posting

Did you have fight/argument with another blog once? - Nah, if I don't like what someone post (maybe cause I disagree with what they say etc), I just block them. Means tumblr is a peaceful and safe haven for me

How do you feel about 'you need to reblog this' posts? - I don't like it. I will reblog and like the posts I want to like. Nobody is allowed to tell me what to do on my tumblr dashboard 🫣

Do you like tag games? - I don't mind it at all. It is a way for me to learn about my mutuals (and other people) 😌

Do you like ask games? - Sure, happy to answer any questions ✌️

Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? - Hemm, I have no idea hahaha....what is considered famous?

Do you have a crush on a tumblr? - Nah, but I am always happy to interact with anyone and answer any questions (but I cannot promise I know the answers!)

Tags? - Gonna tag @akkpipitphattana, @hyp-no-tic, @pluviophile6104, @moonkhao, @c0smicdaisy, @fadeawayaway, @firstkanaphans and anyone else who wants to join (also feel free to ignore these if you don't want to answer any of this!)

[rosen-dovecote]

We found a bottle of Subway's Sweet Onion Teriyaki sauce at Homeland the other week so I grabbed it, plus all the stuff I'd usually put on the Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki sandwich when I used to get it at Subway (before their prices went insane and we stopped eating there). Just finally made the salad and oh yeah. That was exactly what I was craving.

Mixed Greens, Tomatoes, Cucumber, Green Bell Pepper, Chicken, and some Sauce 🙏 so good. I'm just sad I have to wait a bit for Cheese now. Because I'm really craving a Babybel Cheese. I can have some of my Hard Salami, though, and I might just.

Did a bit more research today while eating the salad, and finally figured out what counts as "Low Carb", too, which is nice; I kept getting a "26% of total calories from Carbs" answer from most sources, which annoyed me because I am not going to sit there and count calories again. But I finally found 2 sites that gave me a proper gram amount. One said between 100 and 150 grams, and the other said about 130 grams. So I'm going to aim for between 130 and 150 grams, and call it good.

As for Protein, the result is the same- lots of sites saying you should eat "X%", rather than numbers. Largely because you need to calculate based on weight, however. I did finally find a formula specifically for High Protein, though: "Active adults may require 1.2 to 1.7 grams per kilogram of body weight per day. This equates to 82 to 116 grams for a person weighing 150 pounds". I'm 208 pounds currently, so I think that means I need to aim for roughly 113 to 142 grams, then? That's so much. I've no idea how I'm going to manage that.

My body is so tired from all the walking I've done the last few days, however. It's not the exhaustion I've been having for the last 8+ months, though, since the last bought of Covid, and then the Piriformis issue. It's more the standard tiredness, like I've spent the last couple days working out or walking around; my feet hurt really bad, and my thighs, hips, and core are sore. I'm absolutely reveling in it, even though I've had to take a soak every single night to keep any kind of Fibro pain at bay. It just feels so good to actually be mobile and out of the house and not exhausted from moving even the most minuscule amount anymore.

[painsandconfusion]

Alright, here's a health update for you lovelies.

I'm still sick. It keeps getting better and worse and better and worse. Yesterday I passed out from not enough air and couldn't get my heart rate down for 10 hours. So today I went to the doctor again and got so many more tests done. Swabs, blood samples, ekg, chest x-ray, the works.

Still no clue what it is past bronchitis. All the tests that came back already turned up negative besides the wonky ekg which is probably just my heart murmur. Still have a few tests to head back from. Current leading theories are walking pneumonia, covid, or mono.

And. The doctor said I shouldn't sit for the bar this month.

So I got it deferred to February.

Which is extremely exhausting and feels shameful. I just want to have this done and be an attorney so I'm dealing with a lot of self deprivation and sudden lack of direction and immediate task requirements.

I'm going to try to rest up and take the new steroids and antibiotics the doc gave me, then find a job. Then..start studying again for the exam in February.

I'm exhausted and dismayed and so tired of being ill.

HUGE thank you to everyone who's been supporting me through kofi and paypal. I had a few unforseen fees both for the bar and for general utilities / car issues and I would be so fucked without you guys, so thank you 🫂🫂🫂

Love you all so so much. I'll have more time this next week to write, so I'm going to go ahead and look forward to giving you lovelies some more content <3

[bangtanintotheroom]

Goodbye 2023!

Well well well, it's the end of another year and miraculously, I'm still here on Tumblr writing my silly little smut fics. To think it's been two years since I started this on a whim and have experienced so much on this blog, it's crazy. But this year felt so different compared to the previous one, for multiple reasons that I'll talk about underneath.

To start off on a major personal note, my year didn't start off the best.

I lost my grandmother last December after she struggled with health issues since the pandemic (non-COVID related). She was my last grandparent and although I didn't agree with a lot of her views, she loved me and I loved her. The holidays were rough to get through, to say the least.

Then my great uncle (her brother) passed in February while my family and I were on vacation. We visited and stayed with him last summer, which was the longest I had ever been around him in my life. It was a sudden decline in his health and to have it so soon after his sister was shocking.

Only the people in my personal life know about this as I didn't want to bring this up on here. I make sure to keep certain things separate from my life as a writer, but now I feel comfortable enough to tell you all just what's been going on. I'm doing better now, thankfully. We visited the cemetery recently where my grandmother and grandfather are now laid to rest together with their newly-acquired headstone. It was bittersweet, but it felt good to finally see a marker there after all this time. 💕

Now onto the good notes, which there were plenty of!

This is the first time I have ever went to Trinidad TWICE in one year! We went in February and in May, both for different reasons, but it was a relaxing and fun time. Something about the islands is refreshing, especially when you live in a cooler climate.

And then came April...MUTHAFUCKIN AGUST D TOUR 🗣️🗣️🗣️

This was officially my first K-pop concert and boy, was it an experience. Despite the rain and Prudential staff being shitbags, I had an amazing time and I look back at my videos and pictures with fond memories. Shoutout to @minttangerines @kithtaehyung and @here2bbtstrash for meeting up and listening to me scream drunkenly about nuggets at 2 AM!

I also had some nice weekend and day trips with my irl friends, filled with chaos and conversations that would probably get us committed lmao

I went to Texas for the first time, too! My brother moved down there last year and I already made plans from the jump to go visit him. It's a whole different world down there, but I'm already planning to go back in 2024 (with a checklist of what we have to do)!

Let's see...I did my usual cons and got somewhat back into cosplay, too. My friends and I are planning to return to the last one we visited before the pandemic started, so we're very excited!

Those were the main things in my personal life that occurred, other than work (which is still ass) and the usual daily things.

Now onto my year in writing.

2023 paled in comparison to 2022. My output lessened considerably, due to multiple personal events, exhaustion and stress from work and mental health.

I was writing most of the time, but I was rarely finishing anything to post. My WIPs kept nagging at me on Notion and it got to the point where I recently cleaned up shop. I cancelled some of them, but kept them in a page where I could reuse the concept and scenes for something else. This gave me peace of mind.

But I also have to do some cleaning up for fics that have already been posted.

I know I said I would stretch some of them out, but I am at the point where I have zero desire to still do that. Plus I am getting into new groups and find myself wanting to write for them instead. I will make a separate post on my intentions for my current fics, just so there's no confusion on anyone's end whether it will be continued or not.

It's also been extremely jarring how many people have just...left.

When I compare the end of 2022 to the end of 2023, it's like a ghost town. A majority of the servers I was in have shut down or been abandoned. Many fellow writers have disappeared, deactivated or gone on hiatus (for reasons that are valid and I wish them all the best). And the atmosphere has shifted, but not in a positive direction.

Interactions have lessened, anons are being ruder than ever, people are plagiarizing left and right. It's a mess.

I've had a couple of moments where I debated on stepping away, but I can't right now. Writing gives me an unexpected joy and it's always a treasure to see my mutuals posting their own works that they've put their blood, sweat and tears into. I'm not quite ready to leave that yet.

Although, I do have to take a slight step back, just to focus on personal things. I'm practicing art again to see if I can start selling once I'm comfortable enough to. If things ever get overbearing and I can't juggle the two, I will let you all know as soon as possible. But for now, expect at least one more year of AJ aka bangtanintotheroom!

Wow, this was long 😬 but I've been sitting on these thoughts for months and I had to get it out somehow.

I'll finish this off by saying thank you to everyone who follows me or reads my fics or plans to start reading them. Thank you to my mutuals who are supportive and encourage my crazy ideas. Thank you to everyone.

Happy New Year! 🥳

[sixty-silver-wishes]

Florida no-shade law endangers airport workers, farmworkers (usatoday.com)

It's no secret that our governor is a sack of shit. But I just wanted to talk about this law, because GOD does it piss me off. DeSantis' lax policies towards COVID restrictions in a densely populated and tourism-heavy state, as well as his targeting of queer people and immigrants in a state with a heavy immigrant population (more on that later) have already put lives at risk, but this is a new low, even for him.

So, this is Florida. The state notorious for being very fucking hot in the summer. And with climate change getting worse, our weather is only getting hotter. So DeSantis and co decide to strip heat protections from workers?? The article states that this was a move to target Miami-Dade, a progressive-leaning county, which was the only one to require heat protections to begin with. Miami-Dade also has an especially high population of Latin American immigrants, whom DeSantis has also targeted- there was, of course, the issue of Florida and Texas transporting Venezuelan migrants to progressive states possibly without their knowing consent, and a law that invalidates the drivers' licenses of undocumented immigrants- which is currently causing an exodus of immigrant workers from the state, to whom Florida largely owes its prominent agriculture industry- 37% of Florida agricultural workers are immigrants, as well as 23% of construction workers and 14% of service workers. Agriculture alone is a huge industry in Florida, with the agricultural sector contributing over $7.74 billion to the economy in 2021. Not only is this new law discriminatory and inhumane; it's also putting a large segment of the state's economy at risk, with many immigrants forced to find work elsewhere in a state that's becoming increasingly hostile towards them. In 2023, according to sources cited in the article I linked at the top, 2,000 people across the US died of heat-related illnesses, with an 88% rise in Florida between the years 2019 and 2022. With worsening climate change, that number will likely continue to rise.

I've been haunted today by something that happened this morning. My mom was out for a walk, and she came home dizzy and feeling like she was going to faint. She said it was heat exhaustion, and she'd passed out from it before. Thankfully, we brought her some water, a washcloth, and a sports drink, and she was fine, but she was out for a short exercise in 95 F (35 C) weather and was already experiencing health issues. I couldn't imagine how much worse it would have been to be performing intensive manual labor all day in this weather, without any protections. I've lived here all my life; I know Florida weather, which is why I believe a law like this should infuriate anyone who's spent any amount of time here.