#and i remember the exact moment where i thought wow i've been

[bandzboy]

very much this... cr.

[eisforeidolon]

Question: I want to know what was your most favorite unscripted scene or your least favorite scripted scene or moment?

Jared: Oh wow. Great question. I'm thinking about a moment where -

Jensen: Wait, let me guess - I punched you?

Jared: Yep, where Sam gets possessed by the Meg demon and finally gets exorcised, but he had been like, kinda torturing Dean? And so Dean reaches over, after Sam is back to Sam, like 'What happened?' and just punches him? That was in season two, Jesus.

Jensen: That wasn't scripted.

Jared: That wasn't scripted. There's so much that wasn't necessarily scripted, you know? Certain moments - one of my least favorite things, maybe my least favorite thing that any writer can put into a script? Is like, Dean cries, Sam breaks down, Dean tears up, Sam and you know, whatever, do this. 'Cause there were so many, if you were to go through all of the scenes of Supernatural, which there are many? And then watch the episodes, rarely was there a sequence where it was like they get emotional where we did and there was so many where they don't even mention that we get emotional, but you just feel it. You're just there and you're like - I hate it where it's like, this is where I'm supposed to cry [derisive noise]. 'Cause sometimes you don't even know, you'll go through a scene and you'll go, like, oh shit, like, that's hittin' deep. And it's not because it's scripted. So offhand, God -

Jensen: I think there's a lot of moments, especially some of the emotional moments. One comes to mind, which is the barn scene -

Audience: Which one?

Jensen: [slightly incredulous tone] Which one?

Jared: The most recent one.

Jensen: Yeah.

Jared: Genius.

Jensen: Where I'd be interested to go back and look - and I can't remember if - maybe they didn't use it, go back and read that scene on the script and see how word for word it was on the performance. Because I feel like there were takes where I know I would maybe repeat myself, or I would say some things that I thought were, you know, dove into the emotion even more. And it wasn't something I'd planned, it's just like - felt it, you just feel something and if - when you've worked with somebody for so long, and you're so comfortable with the character, and you know the story so well, you can be available for those things to hit and you can act on them, and you can say those words, and you can say something that just makes it feel more real. And I feel like we did that in that scene, there was some dialogue that maybe was added -

Jared: It's a lot. I know, yeah.

Jensen: or massaged, or you know.

Jared: I don't know if it was ever added to a revision, or if we just did it, but the callback of, like, I can't do this alone, yes you can, well I don't want to? It's the exact same words that Dean said to Sam and vice versa. So there was stuff that wasn't scripted initially - and that goes back to an earlier question, about if there's stuff like Jensen do whatever you want. Like the feeling of that scene was like, here guys, we know this intense -

Jensen: Here's the template.

Jared: here's the template, make it y'all's. Like, y'all know Sam and Dean more than anybody ever will, you make it yours. And so he and I had a couple months because then COVID happened, the pandemic, and so we made it ours. It was so hard to rehearse that scene.

Jensen: Well, even the - like it was scripted where I was on the ground. [Jared: Yeah.] And Jared comes up and kind of cradles me and I'm, you know, like, effectively dying in his arms.

Jared: Which would have been so long to try and carry your ass.

Jensen: And I just felt really strongly, and I've told this story before, and I went to Bob Singer, who directed that episode, I went to him a couple days prior just thinking about that scene, because it was a monster, and it was looming. And I just - it didn't feel right, to die laying down. And I said, hey, is there any way - because they were still building the set - I was like, is there any way, can we figure out a way for me to die on my feet? And Bob was like, [curmudgeonly voice] how the hell are you gonna do that? Who dies on their feet? And I'm like, Dean Winchester dies on his feet. And he made it work brilliantly, because he came, I think he came up with the idea that the impalement was so severe that if you removed it - and then we had to add that dialogue in, so it made me stay there on my feet and I think it was just such a much more powerful visual, to see these two brothers face to face in that moment. And so, you know, that was certainly one big thing that was totally unscripted that I fought for and I'm really happy I did, because -

Jared: Hell yes.

Jensen: I think it just made that scene that much more powerful.

Jared: Also I'm grinning to myself because I've watched a lot of the 15x20 reaction videos, the finale? And there's some really savvy tv viewers out there who've seen a lot of different television shows, a lot of different episodes of them. And you'll watch some and they'll be like, 'Oh, yeah, oh Sam's takin' on the big guy, oh yeah take that blah blah blah!' And then when Dean goes to the post and then runs out where it shows, they'll be like, 'Yeah - oh no. Oh c'mon now, no no no, they just showed that for too long - Oh shit! And then, like, turn it off because I'm crying.

Jensen: I still love the fact that the stunt guy, who is awesome, he's like ex-military, giant, one of the biggest guys we've ever had on our show, his name was Heidi. And he killed Dean Winchester [laughs]. But he's an awesome guy and in fact I was just in Vancouver and working with Jesse and Jesse and Heidi are like super close buds now, so it was good to kinda reminisce with those guys a little bit.

[amaretigris]

Developpe Ch. 8

1.9k words | Fluff, smut, & a splash of angst

WARNING: EXPLICIT

A/n: Don't think I've mentioned it before, but obviously reader is aged up in this fic. In my head, reader is at least 20 years old, and Jonah is 28+ ❤️‍🔥

Taglist: @luna2034 @mylittlemermaid221 @notagreekgal28 @hopeisrising @justagirlthatlovedtoread

It was the morning of your performance. You should've been buzzing with excitement and energy, but instead, you just felt a little tingly. You had been assigned a locker in the locker room of the auditorium, where all performances were held. It would be yours for the semester. You put a piece of tape with your name on it at the top so you could remember which was yours.

All dressed in your costume, you applied your own makeup. All of the other ballerinas in the dressing room were chatting giddily. Sebastian approached you at the vanity as you were finishing your makeup. Your friend looked quite handsome. You smiled at his reflection in the mirror.

"Wow! You clean up nice," you playfully winked.

Sebastian chuckled.

"T'anks girl, you don't look too bad ya' self," he joked.

You got up from your chair and turned to face him.

"Are you ready?" You smiled at Sebastian.

It was probably your first little bit of enthusiasm for the performance since everything went down. Sebastian gave you a dashing smile as he took your hand and twirled you around to look at your costume.

"Yes. I think you are too, beautiful," he gushed.

You playfully swatted at his arm. The two of you left the dressing room, going out to the backstage area. You saw Jonah at the exact moment he turned to see you. You watched the breath leave his chest at the sight of you, and you felt the same sensation. Seeing Jonah in his formal navy suit was truly breathtaking. Trying not to look too flustered in front of anyone, Jonah quickly swallowed, and looked around, fixing his expression into something more neutral. It was the first time you'd made eye contact with him again since you'd been avoiding it at rehearsal. Your eyes conveyed a sense of hopefulness. You wanted Jonah to know that you hadn't given up on him, you'd just folded into yourself. Jonah held your eyes for a minute before he shook his head, focusing his attention on Sebastian.

"You two look great. Are you ready?" He tried to sound casual.

Sebastian grabbed your hand again and nodded.

"We're ready," Sebastian touted.

Jonah's eyes lingered on your joined hands for a moment longer than he'd like. Switching gears, he turned, crossing his arms over his chest, to watch the crowd filling the stadium seats.

You and Sebastian stayed behind him, with the other dancers preparing to go on soon arriving. When the lights dropped and the music started, you took a deep breath. This was it. You were ready.

Jonah stepped to the side and extended his arm for all of you to step up on the stage. He watched you walk by. You looked up into his eyes as you passed him. He gave you a soft smile and a slight nod.

The performance was amazing. If there were any mistakes, you didn't see them. Finishing your solo dance with Sebastian, the crowd stood to applaud the two of you. This filled you with an overwhelming sense of pride and accomplishment. You couldn't help but look over at Jonah. He was applauding you as well with a huge smile painted on his lovely features. Dimples on full display.

Looking back to the audience, you and your dance partner bowed. Tears of happiness welled in your eyes. Prancing off stage for the next dance, you had the urge to wrap your arms around Jonah's neck.

"What the hell?" You thought. "He is my instructor after all."

Giving in to the urge, you caught Jonah by surprise, squeezing him into a hug. Jonah laughed, briefly wrapping his arms around your waist. Truthfully, you wanted to tangle your fingers in his curls, and kiss him in that moment. Exercising self-control, you only held him for a couple seconds before letting go. Turning to the other dancers, you were happy to see them smiling and clapping at you. No one seemed to blink an eye at your embrace with Jonah. Whew.

Finishing out the performance for the night, you came out on stage again to bow with your whole class. Seeing the cheering crowd was thrilling, considering this was your debut performance. You bowed with all the other ballerinas before Jonah walked onto stage to join the class. The audience erupted in cheers and praise at the sight of him. You were happy that he was so well-recognized for his talent. You couldn't think of a more deserving instructor.

Jonah bowed and waved to the crowd, extending his arms towards all of you for them to give the class another round of applause. He looked on his students proudly, clapping with them. He caught your gaze, and you gave him the biggest smile he'd seen since everything happened. To say he was relieved to see it was an understatement.

Sweaty and out of breath from excitement, you walked back to the locker room to clean up after the show. Opening your locker, you found a bouquet of red roses inside with the plastic still wrapped around them. Pulling them out, you found a note attached with the familiar scribbling of your name on the front. Looking around carefully, you opened it to give it a hasty read.

You were magnificent tonight. I miss you. Please meet me at my office at 10 tonight if you're willing. If you don't show, I understand.

XOXO

You read the note over again, folded it, and put it back in your locker. You inhaled a calming breath. Your heart rate and adrenaline had shot back up just reading it. Jonah said he missed you. He wanted to see you again, despite how risky he told you it was. Did you want to see him? You already knew the answer. You wished you had any power to resist it, but you physically felt you had none. Your attraction to Jonah was magnetic. You didn't think you could ignore it any longer if you tried. Grabbing your things for a shower, you felt a bundle of excitement and nerves in your stomach.

By the time you actually left the auditorium, it was 9:30 already. Walking with some other dancers, you headed back to your room with the flowers. Someone questioned where they came from. You told them that an audience member had handed them to you on your way off the stage. Everyone seemed to buy it. You all dispersed, going to your separate housing sections. Luckily, your room was a bit secluded from the others. Stopping by to put the roses in a spare glass you kept in your room, you freshened up your makeup, and left to walk to Jonah's office. Avoiding the known creaky parts of the stairs, you tried to be as quiet as possible.

Walking into the building and navigating through the hallways, you came upon the familiar office door. You pulled your phone out to look at the time. It was 10:03. You'd purposely been a little late rather than early. You felt justified in toying with Jonah a little bit; making him think that you might not come. Raising your hand, you quietly knocked on the door. Had it not been complete silence in his office, Jonah didn't think he would have heard it. He got up to answer the door instead of shouting for you to come in this time. Swinging the door open, Jonah was floored again at the sight of you. Your lips looked pouty, and combined with your enchanting eyes and your teased hair, you looked too good to be true, standing at his door again. Grasping your forearm and pulling you into his office, Jonah closed the door, pinning you against the back of it. He reached by your hip to turn the lock, staring into your eyes. You were breathing heavily already; from anticipation, he hoped.

"(Y/N), I had to see you ag-".

You cut Jonah off, capturing your lips with his. Jonah kissed you back passionately, wrapping his arms around your waist, and pulling you closer to his chest. You gasped into the kiss at the sudden movement, and Jonah took the chance to probe your mouth with his tongue. Wrapping your arms around his neck and combing your fingers through his curls, you moaned into the kiss. You'd missed him more than you could put into words. Pulling away from him after a few minutes, you settled your forehead against his, watching him as you both gasped for air.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. For everything," Jonah cupped your cheeks in his hands.

"You're all I thought of every day. Please forgive me," he began peppering kisses on your jawline.

Closing your eyes and enjoying the feeling of his lips, you felt yourself sliding down the door. Jonah put his hand under your back, pulling you back up.

"Go lay your back on my desk. I'll turn on some music," he instructed.

Tilting your head to the side in confusion, you did what you were told, watching as Jonah went to his record player. He put on some classical music, turning it up just a bit. He then turned to you, spotting you leaning back on your elbows on his desk. You were so good at following directions. Jonah had a predatory look in his eye. Approaching you and caging you in with his arms, he kissed you again. This time it was more heated. You felt Jonah's hands on your hips, slowly making their way down. Reaching under your ballet skirt to pull your leggings down, you were excited to feel Jonah's touch there again. You welcomed the sensation. You'd been dreaming of it for weeks.

Jonah caressed the top of your thighs, before he moved his hand slowly inward. Finally reaching your clothed sex, Jonah's hand caressed it over your panties. You groaned into the kiss now.

"Please Jonah," you begged him, grasping his shoulders.

Jonah continued his bruising kiss, letting his hand pull one side of your panties down. You reached down to help him completely remove your leggings and underwear. He then pulled away from you, making a show of lowering his face down your body, and getting on his knees in front of you.

"I want to worship you, (Y/N)," he ghosted his breath over the apex of your thighs.

You tried to hold his hungry gaze, but you felt your head drop back onto his desk with the first long swipe of his tongue. Your eyes almost rolled back into your head as you gasped for breath, lacing your fingers in his hair. You realized now why Jonah had turned on the music - to drown out the sounds of him devouring you. Focusing on the spot you seemed to love, Jonah laved and licked at it. It didn't take long for you to get close to your peak like this. Jonah felt your thighs start to quiver, and he knew you were close. Coaxing you with his tongue, Jonah watched as your sucked in a quick breath, and the wave of ecstasy washed over you. Throwing your own hand over your mouth, you rode out your high as your chest heaved. Jonah worked you through it, only coming up for air when he saw you experience the final shockwave. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Jonah brought his lips back to yours. You soon broke from him again, gulping in oxygen, and reaching to unbutton his dress pants.

"What about you?" You breathed.

Jonah shook his head and stilled your hands.

"Don't worry about me, love. Tonight was just about you."

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

I've been dubbed! To honor this momentous occasion I, Boredom Anon, will let you in on a little something: I am in fact going to go through with writing the memory loss au, rest assured. Sorry I left you with only that small piece to chew on, but I needed a trusted source to give me an opinion on the idea before I got too in over my head.

To answer a few of your questions in your response:

His body is still there, yep, and I plan on this being one of the plot points because technically Spider is still in his body---the avatar up and walking is just a glitchy memory-holder which I thought would lead to an interesting question: where is the line between oneself? Is he even still Spider, in this case? This is something that Neteyam especially will be conflicted by.

The exact details of how he got hurt are something I've been playing with. For now I think having him take the bullet for Neteyam might be fun to play with, but who's to say. I'm willing to hear any suggestions you may have on the matter!

The Sullies are in Awa'atlu when Spider is first on the mend and getting used to his avatar body. The scene I gave you was when they're finally in the clear to come and see him at High Camp.

I didn't add in all of their reactions because I didn't want to get carried away, but you are very close to how I imagined I'd write Jake and Tuk's reactions lol. I plan on putting the elements you mentioned with Neytiri in there for sure though and you're correct Spider is going entirely off of what feels right so that'll be fun.

Another thing to note: one of the main points I have written down right now is that this avatar body is so fresh that everything is new and feels almost overwhelming in some cases. Pair that with his limited memory and you get some potent muscle-memory/instinct type shit going on, almost like how a newborn creature is just going off of what it feels. For example, the first thing he thinks when he wakes up in his avatar body is Neteyam, and this is quickly followed by a deep longing and it just starts to plague him because he doesn't know what it means but he knows he needs this "Neteyam" whoever he is (and he knows Neteyam is a person, he can feel it. It comes to him in broken images: a blurry face, a melodic laugh, "I see you, Spider.") Am I explaining this well? I feel like I'm making about zero sense lol but whatever you'll get what I mean eventually if you don't now.

Anyways, while I'm working on developing this fic I'll be sure to hop on the asks every now and then with updates if you'd like and when I publish it I'll of course send you the link if you want 👍. Your positive reaction has done wonders and since you aided in my final decision to write it I feel it's only fair.

BOREDOM ANON THIS IS THE MSOT EXCITING NEWS. WHEN I GOT THIS ASK I FREAKED, AND I ALMOST BUMPED IT TO THE TOP OF THE PILE. Instead I just went through the others a little quick and used it as incentive lol. I am thrilled to be a trusted source, I'd love to do whatever I can, feel free to dm me of course, or send me all the asks if you want to stay anonymous of course.

-Wow, that is very dark. There's a great opportunity for an examination of what makes one truly themselves. I think the Na'vi would be more understanding at first than the scientists, due in part to all energy being borrowed in their philosophy. They can visit the dead in memories when they are with Eywa, and that's almost like what Spider is. It just is a question as to if that makes him dead or not, kind of. I also wonder, does that mean they expect him to wake up, or will they try to transfer him into his Avatar body permanently once they think he's strong enough? Probably not questions for you to answer, spoilers lol.

-Hmm, well, the bullet is always good, because I've been saying (I don't remember if it was in dms or a public post) that I've yet to see a fic where Spider takes the bullet and I get to the see the direct fallout from that. I think the effect it would have on his and Neytiri's relationship would be fairly immediate. It would also drastically change the ship standoff, and I'm curious as to people's takes on that. He could also always just pass out from blood loss and then when Norm and Max arrive they notice the brain damage from the machine, and that is what makes them put him in a coma, because he isn't stable.

-Ooh, very interesting. I'm sHOCKED the Sully kids let that fucker out of their sight for a second. Kiri and Lo'ak attempt to sneak out with Payakan to go back to High Camp literally every night, Jake has to sleep basically on top them. He'd never suspect that NETEYAM is also a flight risk, the biggest of them all.

-Haha, no, I understand! Well, even if he can't remember much of before, he's never felt his mating bond before in a Na'vi body. The feelings are stronger and different, and he doesn't have the past knowledge to try to repress or ignore them. He just knows what he wants and what he needs.

OBVIOUSLY we'd love updates, but no pressure of course, and of course I want the link!! I am so so glad I helped with the decision, so many of you lately have said I helped inspire you to write and I cannot express how happy that makes me! Fanfiction is a fantastic creative outlet and a great tool and gateway into bigger literary work, so never feel nervous!

[dangerous-advantage]

(yagi-no-eda here~)

Totally would circle back /pos. I’m also pretty new to the fandom!

My wife has liked Usagi Yojimbo and associated stuff for years but it’s only this summer that my brain has allowed me to really get into it, and make it past the first 2-3 comics. Not for lack of trying - it was just never the right time in an ADHD way*. Something always would distract me. I’ve inhaled all the comics I can in just the last couple of months and yeah, Stan came at me with a steel chair too. I did not expect …this whole situation. I’ve been a fandom lurker since 1999 and yet suddenly I have blog I use near daily, a sketchbook, and bunch of fic WIPS...

Mainly because I am Unwell over UY.

I have accepted my fate. This is always going to be a Thing now.

Though I did admittedly also inhale TMNT 2003 and Rise.

Travels with Jotaro is one of my favourite volumes, but I’m also weirdly into Bridge of Death rn and just….in general having a moment over Usagi’s time with Mifune. To the point I’m doodling intros for a fake show called The Mifune Years. He had this whole expected future and friends - denied.

* to be fair this is also the summer I found out its def ADHD driving this media analysis machine I call a brain

Hope this was an okay way to get back to you! /lil anxious

Feel free to network (or share thoughts) in my tags anytime, I love hearing what other people think. Also happy to chat anytime. Or feel free to tell me to back off and that's chill too :)

(been waiting to answer this for when i had more time but gave in; should be working on my fic(s) but you know how it is lmao. stay tuned for a very long post, because i love talking about things with people, especially things i like haha

very cool to see another person very passionate about this series! i grew up on 2003 (and the 90's movies-- my parents had the third one on cassette and i remember i wore that fucker out lmao) but it was always more of a "scattered interest" rather than something i was fully pulled into

i started getting into rise (read: The Algorithm came for me) probably mid-July of last year, but didn't fully fall into it until after the movie came out. it renewed my interest in tmnt overall, and i've been here ever since!

i did attempt to watch the usagi chronicles a couple of times, and i remember thinking they were fun but not really my thing. (i definitely want to revisit it, even though i know it won't hold a candle to usagi yojimbo. it does look fun in a silly way, which i can get behind.)

i knew vaguely about how big usagi yojimbo was, and that it was a commitment, but i'm surprised how quickly it sucked me in. i've never been super interested in stuff within the genre, but damn if it doesn't satisfy the autism. entire chapters devoted to infodumping about the edo period of japan? sign me the fuck up!

i especially did not expect how much it would make me feel. like. wow. ouch. usagi is just Some Guy but he is also so well characterized and you really feel for his internal conflict, 10/10.

i've been looking for series with older protagonists, especially those more focused on the familial/platonic aspect rather than romantic (i am just an nd queer on the interweb, can you blame me for yearning for found family?), but hadn't found any i really liked other than the tarot sequence by kd edwards (very good read, would highly recommend.)

also not to be a nerd but ohhhh my god i am so obsessed with the plot with mifune.

like i know the series takes place after that, and after the fallout of that, but just. wow. imagine devoting your entire being to another, to the point where you would readily die for them and their word, and then they die. they die, and you did everything you could to honor them in that death, but they're still gone.

like... that emptiness stays with you. you don't just get over that. maybe it's the "being raised in a cult" but wow, do i empathize with that.

idk if we explore more about the fallout/exact history with mifune/immediately following mifune's death but there is so much writing potential there. if i was not embroiled within turtle hell and 50,000 words deep in a multi-chapter fic already, i would absolutely write something for it.

like. this is adjacent to your interest in the topic, but can you just imagine (/rhetorical /general you.) as far as we know, he spent five days on the battlefield before he made it out to the tangled skein.

(which is one of my favorite additions like good god holy shit. that is so cool and angsty. your lord, days after dying, appears as a fucking ghost and saves you. like, if i were to be silly and funky, i would absolutely headcanon that as the reason that he was able to stand up and continue on. because i mean... what else? what else could motivate you to stand up once more after something like that?)

(well. honor. but mifune is the physical manifestation of honor in the narrative, so same difference? it's like both thematically significant and emotionally significant and-- ok im shutting up now. but i could talk for days, istg.)

but like. how do you reconstruct yourself from that? we see him holding tight to this sense of honor, even after his lord is gone, sent reeling (adrift in the waves) with only his soul and moral compass to hold to.

which makes it hurt so much more when we see these ideals of honor-- this ghost of a man, of a life, still haunting him years after the event-- still woven through the narrative, made to specifically conflict his deepest wants.

i joke about it a lot on my fic discord (i have a whole channel called 'father-material' devoted to just pictures of him hanging out with/taking care of kids), but something that seems very important to him is wanting to be a father figure, and wanting these connections to family and friends.

but that is contrasted against these ideas of honor, the very thing he built and rebuilt his foundation off of after it was torn away from him. and it's just so incredibly painful but also it makes sense, because he can't just give up the side of himself that is a samurai. too much of his person, his characterization, is built off of this.

to see it constantly clash with this want to settle down and finally rest, devote himself to his relationships/family rather than the code of bushido-- the very essence of honor itself-- ourgh ourgh ourgh its so good

(put aside the fact that he once said he could never serve another lord, and we know from the story that the idea of a "lord" can be more than just a person... he never stopped serving mifune, not truly. he still upholds the ideas of honor that mifune stood for/represented. as if his lord never truly left him.)

...i was going to say more, but then i realized this turned into a whole-ass mini-analysis, so i'm forcing myself to stfu. but basically: i have feelings about this series, man (/gender neutral).

anyway. if you ever do put something together, i would love to read/follow it! if i ever wrote something, it would probably be exploring the direct fallout of losing mifune, so hey, different niches but similar (:

also: never be anxious about talking to me ever in any way possible. i will probably be even more annoying than you in tags/asks/everything under the sun, and i do genuinely love talking to people who share my interests (typically about those interests.) i like to pretend i am an internet Cool Guy, however, it is a flimsy veneer to hide all the cringefail swaglessness and unending mental illness about my blorbos

(...i am so tempted to just invite you to my og turtle discord server so i can annoy you about usagi on the regular. also about what my reimagining of yuichi would be, because i have so, so many ideas.

i will refrain, but if you would be interested, it has been kinda dead as of late, so it would be nice to enrich the ecosystem a little by slowly collecting other usagi-interested individuals and slowly taking it over, one by one (/j /lh).)

anyway, same thing goes for me with my posts/asks/reblogs/messages/whatever. i am so very earnest, so if that puts you off, that's very chill and fine. however, as long as you're down to vibe, i am similarly down to vibe >:D

i once more apologize for this monstrosity of a reply. i would say it won't happen again, but my reading comprehension apparently does not extend to the "all things in moderation" maxim. instead i choose maximalism (to the max)

(sorry for that joke. yeah that will also happen again. sorry. /lh /pos)

[sipsoftea]

I finally got bg3 and now i can draw for it without feeling like a fake fan :D so some first thoughts are in order I think.

1. I'm head over heels for gale. I really thought I'd be an astarion or a karlach kinda gal, and don't get me wrong, i am, but I fell in love with gale the moment I pulled him out of the portal and he immediately started on a rant giving me all the tadpole lore he had available.

2. I cried over how frickin sweet and compassionate karlach is. *spoilers* I don't remember her exact words, but when I told her about how gales ex wants him to blow himself up for her "forgiveness" karlach was so aggressively compassionate, saying something along the lines of "any God who tells you to blow yourself up, is no God worth worshipping" and I love her so so so much, for her compassionate wisdom and for who she is as a person.

3. The music is actually frickin incredible. I hadn't heard any of the music before I bought the game, I assumed it was good because games like that usually have a big emphasis on music, but goodness gracious, I wasn't ready for it to knock my socks off like that. genuinely breathtaking.

4. I don't like to swear, but fuck death shepherds. they are the most obnoxious freaks I've ever had the displeasure of coming across, I hope they step on Legos and trip into the fiery pits of hell, where they'll be forced to fight their own kind without the use of their own magic.

5. Scratch is the best boy. I would die for him.

6. I don't want to hate on anyone's choices in favorite characters, but I cannot stand shadowheart. I'll probably be eating my words once I get to know her better, but I sincerely wish she'd shut up about her goddess. I'm currently in the middle of doing shar's gauntlet, and she keeps bringing up the fact that she was "meant to be here", and that "shar must favor her somehow". Like, bestie... that can't possibly be a good thing. From my understanding, most of the gods in this game are actually trash, like dumpster fire levels of horrid. Like mystra asking gale to kill himself for her forgiveness, or whatever tf the absolute is, or shar taking peoples memories and lives if they stay in her shadow realm without a light source for too long. And I don't want to victim blame or anything. I think she mentioned she was raised in the church, so I imagine all this was forced into her head from a very young age. It just wears on me a little, that's all.

7. Everyone wants to get with me EXCEPT gale. I love him to bits, but man he's a challenge to romance ((and i would like to say, i really do love the platonic love my tav and gale have for each other, it's really sweet)). Shadow heart invited me to drink with her at the party, I ended up having to load a save because I'm terrible at rejection and I didn't want to romance her.

Next, I went to camp and the game immediately forced me into a dance cutscene with wyll, I once again had to load a save because I'm terrified of rejection. And gale is just like "wow, you're such a good friend :))" and I'm more than happy to be his friend, don't get me wrong. I just want to cuddle my wizard under the stars while we talk about our favorite interests, is that so much to ask?

But over all, this game is incredible. I've been playing nonstop for the last three days or so, it's really been a joy. Now I just need to figure out how to draw all of my favorite characters so I can post a bunch of scribbles >:))

[lukezar]

A Lightning/Flash of Light JASON TODD AFTER HIS DEATH (RESURRECTION)

Chapter 2: Bruce's point of view

[Continuation..]

It's been too long, longer than I'd like, it's been a while since I found Jason's grave without his body. I remember every feeling of my being, every bit of anger I felt, from when I lost Jason, when the Joker captured him, tortured and killed my Robin back then, from when I found out that Todd's grave was ransacked that night, how now I have spent days or even weeks without finding any trace of my son's body.

I've had sleepless nights, which would be considered normal, but these days? These days it's been worse. How I make every mistake, every mistake, with this boy. Still, I won't stop, I can't stop, I won't let him down again, no matter what, I just want to bring him back home.

That's where my thoughts are interrupted by seeing the light on the computer screen blinking over and over again. I get up from my chair in this whole dark cave, and I remember, and I check after having removed all the possibilities, I find myself in the only possible place... The Lazarus pit. A small chance that this ends in something good, to find a clue after all this time. It is then that I set out to embark on a direct journey to the location that was most likely to find answers, I head there as fast as I can, wanting not to raise my hopes so that they simply crumble easily.

From one moment to the next, I find myself in a passageway, walking cautiously, until I stop when I see a large door that leads to a large jade patio, meeting the gaze of someone who doesn't surprise me; Ra's Al Ghul himself.

– “Wow, you surprise me. What is Batman doing here between my territories? –

I keep quiet as I watch him and frown. I have to be careful, and I stay alert to realize that in the next second that passes, a sword is thrown like that at my head, although I dodge it. With that light attack, an exchange of blows and short and long distance attacks began on both sides, and despite this, I don't know how long we were fighting, all my concentration was on the fight in order to continue advancing, however It wasn't until the moment that I heard a couple of doors open and it was in those moments that I directed a slight look at the cause of that slight sound, until I saw it. I couldn't believe what my eyes were seeing, I could see Jason in those same seconds, he was alive, he was standing and breathing. I didn't know the exact time, that later, I could feel it rushing towards me; my mind went blank.

The boy ran in the middle of the fight and clung to me with a formidable grip and it even seemed that he could vanish again at any moment, so I grabbed him in the same way, pulling him towards me if that was possible more than I currently was. I still couldn't believe it, Jason, my son was here and when I felt it I had no doubt that he was him, although he still wasn't sure how or why. What I did notice is that Ra's Al Ghul's attacks had ceased, apparently that happened as soon as Jason's figure was introduced to us; I wanted to ask several questions, but before I could get a single word out of me, Jason's grip loosened and I turned my full attention again and watched as the boy slowly faded away, slowly losing consciousness. When he completely let go of me I quickly made sure to catch him before he hit the cold tile floor. With more calm I proceed to have an exchange of words with the one who is also called the head of the demon.

Now I'm moving, I'm going straight back, with Jason by my side, keeping him as close to me as possible, with so many questions and questions in my head that could wait later because I just found out that the boy, the one I thought was dead, has come back alive

Okay, my administration is horrible. In the first song it turned out to be longer than what I wrote, and now in this one I wanted a better song than the one I present but it was the opposite (that song was shorter only to accompany the reading), so yes, maybe it's the text's fault, but with Batman there are more things that man could express internally and that would be long, so I tried not to cover too much in Batman's thoughts to also focus on the reunion with his second Robin , although I must admit that this time I had more inspiration than the other time at the time of writing, and if that continues, the chapters will become longer. I also think that in the last part I feel that he says it as a bit cold, although I'm not sure.

ESPAÑOL

Un Rayo/Destello de Luz - Cap 2: Punto de vista de Bruce

JASON TODD, DESPUÉS DE SU MUERTE (RESURRECCIÓN)(QUE PASARIA SI...)

[Continuación de esto...]

Ha pasado demasiado tiempo, más del que me gustaría, ha pasado un tiempo desde que halle la tumba de Jason sin su cuerpo. Recuerdo cada sentir de mi ser, cada pisca de enojo que sentí, desde que perdí a Jason, cuando el guasón lo capturó, torturo y mato a mi Robin de ese entonces, de cuando me entere que la tumba de Todd fue saqueada esa noche, de cómo ahora llevo días o incluso semanas sin encontrar ningún rastro del cadáver de mi hijo.

Llevo noches sin dormir, lo cual se consideraría normal, ¿pero en estos días?, en estos días ha sido peor. Como cometo cada fallo, cada error, con este chico. Aun así, no voy a detenerme, no puedo detenerme, no le volveré a fallar, no importa que, solo deseo traerlo de vuelta a casa.

Es ahí donde mis pensamientos son interrumpidos al ver la luz de la pantalla de la computadora parpadeando una y otra vez. Me levanto de mi silla en toda esta cueva oscura, y recuerdo, y compruebo después de haber quitado todas las posibilidades, me encuentro en el único lugar posible… El pozo de Lázaro de Ra’s Al Ghul. Una pequeña posibilidad de que esto termine en algo bueno, por encontrar una pista después de todo este tiempo. Es entonces que me dispongo a embarcarme en un viaje directo a la localización que era más probable encontrar respuestas, me dirijo hacia allá lo más rápido que se me permite, deseando no crearme grandes esperanzas para que simplemente se desmoronen fácilmente.

De un momento a otro, me encuentro en un pasadizo, caminando con cautela, hasta que me detengo al ver una puerta grande que lleva a un patio amplio de jade, y es donde me situó ahora, encontrándome con la mirada de quien no me sorprende; el propio Ra’s Al Ghul.

– “Vaya, me sorprendes. ¿Qué hace acá Batman entre mis territorios?” –

Me mantengo en silencio mientras lo observo y frunzo el ceño. Debo de ser cuidadoso, y me mantengo alerta para darme cuenta de que en el siguiente segundo que pasa, una espada es lanzada así mi cabeza, aunque la esquivo. Con ese ligero ataque, se dio inicio un intercambio de golpes y ataques de corta y larga distancia por ambas partes, y pese a ello, no sé cuánto tiempo estuvimos combatiendo, toda mi concentración estaba en la pelea para así poder seguir avanzando, sin embargo, no fue hasta el momento que oí un par de puertas abrirse y fue en esos instantes que dirigí una leve mirada del causante de aquel leve sonido, hasta que lo vi. No podía creer lo que estaban viendo mis ojos, pude ver a Jason en esos mismos segundos, él estaba vivo, estaba parado y respirando. No supe el tiempo exacto, que luego, pude sentirlo abalanzarse hacia mí; mi mente se quedo en blanco.

El chico corrió en media pelea y se aferró a mí con un agarre formidable e incluso pareciera que otra vez en cualquier momento se podría desvanecer, así que lo agarre de la misma manera atrayéndolo hacia mi si era eso posible más de lo que actualmente estaba. Seguía sin poder creerlo, Jason, mi hijo estaba aquí y cuando lo sentí no me queda duda que era el, aunque aun no estaba seguro de como o la razón. De lo que si me percate es que los ataques de Ra’s Al Ghul habían cesado, al parecer eso ocurrió ni bien se nos presento la figura de Jason; quería hacer varias preguntas, pero antes de que pudiera salir una sola palabra de mí, el agarre de Jason se aflojo y volví a dirigirme hacia la mi total atención y ver como poco a poco el chico se desvanecía, perdiendo la conciencia lentamente. Cuando se soltó completamente de mi rápidamente me asegure de atraparlo antes que tocara la losa del frío suelo. Ya con más calma procedo a tener un intercambio de palabras con aquel que lo hacen llamar también la cabeza del demonio.

Ahora me estoy moviendo, voy directo de regreso, con Jason a mi lado, manteniéndolo lo más cerca posible de mí, con tantas preguntas y cuestiones en mi cabeza que podrían esperar después porque me acabo de enterar que el chico, aquel que creí muerto, ha vuelto vivo.

Okey, mi administración es una basura. En la primera canción resultó más larga de lo que escribí, y ahora en esta es todo lo contrario, así que si, tal vez es culpa del texto, pero es que con Batman hay más cosas que el hombre podría expresar internamente y eso seri largo, por lo que intente no abarcar mucho en la parte de los pensamientos de Batman para enfocarme en el reencuentro con su segundo Robin, aunque debo de admitir que esta vez tuve más inspiración que la otra vez al momento de escribir, y si eso sigue así, los capítulos se harán más largos. También creo que en la última parte siento que lo dice como un poco frío, aunque no estoy segura.

Respecto a la historia, no estoy satisfecha ni insatisfecha así que lo considero aceptable, no soy del tipo de perosnas que se les da bien transmitir las frustaciones o los sentimientos del personaje, pero eso esta bien.

[gjjokok]

20 - August 27, 2023 (sunday)

Wow it has been a really long time since I came to this Tumblr blog! I guess that's a good thing because it means I've been mentally stable for a while lol. Some things that happened since I last journalled:

Got completely over Syl

Had a situationship with some other people, most namely Royo (i guess)

Had a very serious situationship with Will who I was pretty much dating and really really liked

Moved to new york with EY, made many friends here

Living with Daniel in new york which is crazy since we both thought we hated each other when we first met

In new york, fell in deep LIKE with Kevin Wu who I met when I visited New York last summer with Royo but barely remember meeting. Also have met many other notable boys in new york (ricky, JC) but Kevin is by far the most notable

Anyways, life has actually been going really well and up until about 2 hours ago before I had a nap I have been doing great. But then I woke up from a nap alone in our apartment and feel like crying for unknown reasons so lets see why I feel so bad!

The thing most pressing on my mind is my health anxiety. I feel like this is something a lot of people have, but it is truly so frustrating how I will have (or at least think that I have) 1 major health concern after another. Most recently I was really sick, like insanely sore throat, for about a week where I thought I had strep throat and was stressed because I dont understand the american health care system and didn't know how to get treated or how expensive it would be. It got better last week and I was fine for about 3 days...until now...I just have random double vision. Not all the time, but when I look at something too close to me or if it's really bright in my eyes then I see double. When I close one eye it's totally fine, and a lot of the time I can walk around fine but then I'll rub my eyes and feel like I'm going to fall over because everything is double and I feel a bit dizzy. It's like I've been drunk constantly for the past few days. When I look it up it's either like "GO TO THE ER NOW YOU HAVE A BRAIN TUMOR OR ANEURISM" or "yeah there's not much that can be done other than monitor it and if it persists for 12+ months without improvement then there is a surgery." This is stressing me out so much because it just makes me feel out of it when I'm hanging out with people and walking around doing basic stuff because it takes extra effort just for me to not see everything in double. I would just go to urgent care, but based on what I saw online i dont think they could do much, and I dont know how expensive it would be....anyways if it continues for another few days I will definitely get it checked out, but it's been better today so I'm hoping it's correcting itself..

I think this is more just a result of the fact I feel alone in this exact moment, but I feel so depressy about Kevin not wanting to be with me. In short, Kevin and i met and get along SO WELL and his personality is perfect and I cant keep my hands (and mouth) off of him when he's around me. I never would have came onto him if he didn't flirt with me first, but I'm just so into him and everything about him. However, we have both always said we aren't looking to date - that changed for me about a month in and I realized I really like him and want him to be mine. I spoke about this with him about 5 days ago, and this hasn't changed for him so he still isn't looking to date. To protect my feelings I decided that I need to talk with him less then, but I'm just so sad because I really saw a future for us or I thought we could at least try dating. Since we spoke. I've been generally good and am starting to accept we are just friends and I've been speaking very casually to some other guys. I really thought we were in a good place because we were hanging out at a club on Friday night and we kissed a lot with no strings attached and it felt great. And then him and Tommy, Ricky, Merlin, Chris came over to have dinner with Daniel and i at our place and to play games and stuff. It was so fun and I had no sad thoughts about wanting to be with him. But now I wake up from this nap alone in our apartment, and god I wish I could just hangout with him and cuddle with him and maybe I still have more work I need to do with myself to accept that him and I will never be together. Similar with Syl, I think this is so hard with him because I would have never come on to him first but he started things with me and then decided he doesn't want to be with me after I got so emotionally invested. But, I got over Syl eventually and now we're good friends, and Kevin is kind of more mature and a better person than Syl in general so I know I'll be able to get over Kevin and be friends with him hopefully for a long time.

I was more anxious about this last weekend and earlier this week, but I really feel like I never belong in any group I'm in. After never fitting in with friend groups that are all straight or all girls, I found gay people I love to hangout with in Toronto and New York, but they're nearly all asian so I still feel like I dont belong. This gives me huge imposter syndrome when I'm out with my friends and I kind of hate taking pictures because it is so obvious that I don't belong. It also doesn't help when I feel like I'm always the one reaching out to make plans with people instead of people reaching out to me. For example when I ask people what they're doing for EZoo next weekend, people are very inviting and ask me to join them, but only after I reach out first to ask them their plans. It would be really nice to get an invite to something without being an after thought for one (however as I type that out I remember so many times people have invited me to parties or to cottages or to movies without me asking so many I'm only remembering the times that I don't get invited).

So that's everything I can think of that might be making me feel anxious right now! I just want this double vision to go away...I can deal with heartbreak from Kevin and I can try to strengthen my relationships with friends, but this constant anxiety from feeling like I might die at any time is kind of ruining my life right now. I guess this is in my control though because I can just go to urgent care and at least know that I did everything I can instead of just waiting and hoping it'll go away..

[the-dream-beyond]

Episode 10 - Tapping Into Your Inner Knowing With William Donius

Nik Tarascio 

I'm super excited about today's guest. It's someone who has a completely different and super simple way of tapping into that inner knowing if you've ever wondered, what's next in your life, what you're supposed to be doing, you're trying to solve difficult problems. This guy has just an incredible process. That is so, so simple. It sometimes feels like it shouldn't be that easy. But I really hope you enjoy this one. And I hope you find a ton of value in trying to apply this to your life.

Nik Tarascio 

Welcome to the dream beyond. I'm your host, Nik Tarascio. I'm a CEO, musician and overall seeker of Truth, inspiration and simply put, how to live the most fulfilling life possible. Growing up surrounded by extremely wealthy and successful people gave me unique and unfiltered perspectives of those who have seemingly made it through on the dream beyond we're letting you in on what it really takes to achieve your dreams. What happens when it turns out your destination isn't the promised land you are expecting? How to process the lessons from your past while mapping of course to true fulfillment. Let's get started.

Hey, guys, really excited to be talking with the New York Times best selling author of thought revolution, how to unlock your inner genius, Speaker ideation facilitator and former banker and CEO. He had a recent TEDx Talk unlocking the brain's hidden app, which explains a new approach to brainstorming. And he's been teaching at the Esalen Institute and a personal development workshop called Meet your better half. Please welcome Bill Donius. Thank you so much for being here, Bill.

Bill Donius 

Sure, Nik, great to see ya.

Nik Tarascio 

And I actually wanted to start off on on how we met, because I just find that life has this funny way of throwing interesting people in my path. And you are on the top of the list of some of the more interesting, unique characters I've met. So is that, uh, well, we were both at a conference in New York City. I think you and I had been chatting about where I was getting stuck in my life. And you were like, Hey, do you want to go try something kind of interesting, you want to do this nondominant handwriting. I was like, I have no idea what any of that even means. But yes. And I remember we were sitting on the corner of 34th and eighth on some rooftop bar, overlooking the street. And I was writing what I felt was chicken scratch. And then we deciphered it. And it was basically like my inner voice guiding me through some relationship challenges, what I wanted to do with my life, who I want to be when I grew up, and I can't remember the exact words, but something tells me the idea of me having my own voice was a big piece of that. And sitting here with you doing my podcast is like such a full circle moment. So I thank you for in many ways guiding me here to this and then being a participant as well.

Bill Donius 

Well, thank you for sharing that I I also remember that moment, because it's it's one of the things that really has excited me most about this work that I do is getting to be in those moments with individuals where they unlock something, especially in many cases where that have defined them kept them stuck sometimes for decades. So to be able to break through that in a in a way that's unorthodox, and amazingly simple and easy. And, and even profound in many ways. Is, is exciting for me.

Nik Tarascio 

Yeah, it was very cool to witness and I gotta tell you, my skeptical mind, was challenging that all the way until the moment where we really kind of picked out things on the page. And I was like, wow, that's not anything I would have allowed myself to even think or feel. So very cool to see that. And I'd love to before we dive into what it is that you even do, I find it super interesting where you came from. And I'd love it if you would just kind of give us a little bit of a background of, you know, your upbringing professionally, where you started out, and kind of leading into what was that first moment in your life where you're like, I made it? I'm successful.

Bill Donius 

Okay, cool, great question. I would say I had the Forrest Gump experience of life and work and business and MIT. After graduating from business school at Tulane University, I really had a number of things that I was interested in. And, but then I quickly found that they typically, you know, they didn't work as well as I intended or I wasn't as interested. I was bored. So I moved on from healthcare, sales to public relations to management, consulting, to television production, to retail food, and did all those things for 11 years before getting into banking. And then was in banking for and something I guess, I tried to avoid, in some ways, because it was my family's business and I wasn't that interested in doing it. But that ended up being the most satisfying part of my career. I did that for 20 years, succeeded.

My father took the company public, we did the that was a went really well for for employees, shareholders for everybody. And then we sold the bank and in banking is basically overbank. So we don't need you know, 1000s and 1000s of banks in the United States. So that was one of the realizations, it's an overly competitive market it and then I was able to move on from that to rebalance my life at age 50. And go into this space that I've been in the last 14 years, helping people like deal with issues that come up and in their life where they're stuck and or just potentially realizing their potential, helping them move through life in a way that is much more meaningful. So that that's been a really satisfying time in my life. And it was, and it says, and frankly, probably most wouldn't say it, but it really overshadowed company, and then the business successes were great. And I guess it propelled me and allowed me I was financially blessed to be able to do this and kind of quit and go in this direction. But it's, it's been a great ride.

Nik Tarascio 

What was the single moment that you feel like you really made it in a business context? I'm really curious where you're like, Well, I really, I really did it.

Bill Donius 

I suppose it was realizing the dream. And the many years of hard work and taking the company public, and finding that that process worked out well. And were able to succeed for shareholders, employees, customers, it was a big success, I guess growing a company eight fold and, and doing really well for shareholders. And that was a, you know, a wonderful moment. And for me, I was lucky that had happened earlier in life. So that was also a plus.

Nik Tarascio 

I'm kind of wondering from the perspective of, you know, some people have these exits in a particular industry, and then they stay in that industry, and they keep doing it. So I'm wondering for you, how much of that front half of your professional career was out of familial obligation? Or for some other reason carrying a torch versus you chasing your deeper calling?

Bill Donius 

That's a good question. I don't think there was a huge familial obligation because I essentially it was maybe the opposite was maybe true, because I avoided joining the bank for 11 years and just wanted to go out on my own, I also didn't want to be that son, or grandson in a family business that is the know, at all, and is 21 years old, you know, so I feel like I needed some life lessons to, to learn, but it was it was really a number of things coming together, I think I gain the wisdom of being out in the workplace, going to business school, being out there 11 years, and really sensing that, that some of my interests were aligning with what the company needed. And my father was getting older and closer to retirement. And we were very, very, very different people. So I don't think I could have worked for him more than five years, which I did. But because we just saw the world differently. We were very good friends. And you know, I had a good relationship, but it was just different differing business philosophies.

Nik Tarascio 

So that's actually pretty great to hear. I mean, I think a lot of the family business stories I've heard, like, even my own I mean, much of it was there to take care of my family. And part of my curiosities against you come out of this, this relationship with the bank, you have this big win, which again, I don't know how many people ever experienced taking their company public. So I mean, it must have been such an extraordinary moment. And how long was it between that? And this current clarity around what your next calling was? Did you already know what that was? Did you already have a sense of that?

Bill Donius 

No, it was it was about another 10 years. So took the company public at age 38. And then at age 48, after putting in 20 years of hard labor, was they the investment banker said, you know, work good, it's probably you've probably got five years, and it's all going to be over. Because something will happen, you'll either buy or sell, or there's, you know, have to leave or whatever is going to happen. And so by at the end of 20 years of, of that kind of work at at 6070 hour, we pace with, you know, we're talking to analysts and PR firms, you know, the institutional markets for 10 years of that I was a little burned out and and so I went to Santa Fe and was on a retreat, thinking about what's next and what the rest of my life The purpose was. And it was in that retreat process using what I also had learned in therapy 10 years before at age 38.

This process of intuitive writing, right brain writing ideation, however you want to call it that I took on that question and said, God, what do I want to do? And what came up for me was sounded at the time trade it was held people was like, that, that's, that's, you know, sounds pretty good. Well, like how and then I got well, you need to consider Teaching the methodology that you've personally used for these 10 years in your life and in business, you need to consider sharing that. And I was still again, like, like, how would that happen? It was like write a book. And I was like, oh, write a book. That doesn't sound that great sounds like more work. And I'm trying to balance my life maybe a little bit more so.

But then that I realized in the, in the, in the following weeks that that registered with me. And that became sort of my Northstar. And I decided to essentially retire early at 50. And head in this direction. And again, I was fortunately financially able to do so. But it just I realized it was a whole nother chapter of my life that I needed to go and do that also involve rebalancing, because I didn't want to be working 6070 hour work weeks, you know, for the next 10 or 15 years, or what have you.

Nik Tarascio 

So you did feel it sounds like you felt a little bit of resistance when this was starting to present the idea to you as it was starting to come through the filters. That's like the you know, Ken, I don't know if I necessarily want to go down that road. What was I love coming into these moments? Like, what was that moment where you realized I have to pick up the sword? And this is my calling, I must do this with my life?

Bill Donius 

Well, that's a great question. Because it is like, you know, the slaying of the ego, right? How do you go from, you know, the CEO job earning, you know, a lot, and doing really well. And being that guy, especially in a, in a net that St. Louis is a small town, but I you know, had stature in St. Louis and the business community I was down. And, you know, I enjoyed the work itself, I enjoyed the customers, I enjoyed that whole experience. And so it did take some time. And I think the key to it was that I had learned to trust, the intuition that I got from, in my parlance, from the right side of my brain, which I associate with the higher consciousness, that spiritual part of the brain, the problem solving part, the part that we get those that we get those messages that can be transformative in our lives, and whether solving a simple everyday problem, or something really big, like, what do I want to do with the rest of my life, I felt as though the weeks went on that that really resonated with me.

So I started putting things in motion that made that so a couple of years later, and then, you know, what it wasn't like I was ever 100% confident, but I felt like there was a strong sense that, that that was my, that that was kind of my North Star, and that it would work out. And that that was my calling. And, and then and then I was the dedicated I guess, and the years after I did 200 interviews with people in the in the lead up to, and so doing the research to or to be able to write that book on that topic that that that really validated that I was on the right path, because I saw even in those interviews, that I was able to help people and that it was, you know, that was useful. And that even a singular meetup of a hour and a half could really help someone get some insight about their life or a problem or an issue.

So I saw the power in that. And I thought wow, to be able to do this every day would be would be wonderful to be able to make a difference, you know, do my small part and perhaps making the world a little bit better place because I check that was felt lucky enough to check the financial box. And although not fortunate enough to have a jet, I'm sorry, I would have been called you earlier, but there was enough to it was enough to, you know, have a good life and then really focused with intention.

Nik Tarascio 

Yeah, well, I'm sorry, it's been a hard life without a jet. I know it's a bit of a slog.

Bill Donius 

Would have made things so much easier for me, you know, traveling to all these events that I have to go to so. So maybe there is a an idea that I have that I'm percolating with a small team. So who knows maybe that'll maybe that'll kick in and and it'll be possible for kids as they get older and will want to travel more comfortably. So maybe that's still annoying. Yeah.

Nik Tarascio 

I definitely I definitely know a guy who can help with that when the time comes. So your diverge call? Yeah, fantastic. And, you know, I think for people that are listening again, I had the fortune of experiencing this firsthand not even knowing what I was doing. How do you describe what you do for and with people?

Bill Donius 

So I describe it as, as a way of activating the neural pathways to the right side of the brain. And, as is almost inconceivable as that sounds, or an unorthodox as that sounds. It's based on a Nobel Prize winning discovery that Roger Sperry made in and was awarded its Nobel Prize in 1981. On when they were looking at patients through the years, trying to understand brain function, and they were looking at how specifically how to solve for epilepsy. And so they started cutting the corpus callosum, which did completely separate the two hemispheres the left from the right. And they they learned a lot about brain function.

If you want to Google something interesting, if you if you Google split brain patients, you know, cut a split corpus callosum that you'll you'll see those patients struggling to hear in response to the command, grab that pen, you'll see the left hand and the right hand of the same patient, like as if it were two different people. So the the the amazing, and whether this is you know that now sciences, you know, advanced in the years since 81. And people believe a lot of different things and somebody didn't have potentially have debunked this. And they say whether it's metaphorically true or scientifically valid on it's a generally suggest to people just try and judge for yourself, if it works for you.

Great. If it doesn't work, great, try something else that I have about in the in the many people that have taken this to from huge global companies like Hitachi and Kawasaki to small nonprofits to medium to national nonprofits to workshops around the world that works for about 90% of the people that do this. Because if you're an extreme type A, it may be difficult because you have to be willing to let go and trust the process and allow this to happen. Because you have to get your mind into that flow state. Because it's really a thinking tool, much more than much more so than a handwriting tool, because it's still I can show you my handwriting 26 years later, it's still messy, you know, so it's, it's really about learning how to think differently.

Nik Tarascio 

So as you're talking, I mean, a bunch of questions come up. And again, I'm I'm a layman, when it comes to neuroscience and how the brain works, what I think I hear you saying is, on some level that you know what happened for me, that day that we sat down was I was using the dominant part of my brain to try to solve my problems, which is I guess the left side is what I'm doing to do a lot of my rational problem solving. And you gave me access to my creative part of my brain or the other side of my brain that I may not have predominantly used, or I'm not listening to or something to that effect. But you gave me a pathway to it without me even knowing what I was doing.

Bill Donius 

Yeah, and scientists would say that we in and I did a lot, I worked with a team of 11, psychologists, psychiatrists, neuroscientists, in the writing of the book, because I didn't want to write something after my whole business career that was you know, malarkey. And be, you know, laughed at. So I was very careful to make sure there was scientific standing. And then one of those bright guys who studied with whose mentor studied with Roger Sperry, it was at Harvard at the time, and he actually opined, read the whole book have commented, you can add a couple pages into the book.

So scientists know we use all our brain all the time. So I think this is like the difference between, maybe a good analogy would be between, if you've always been a runner, and then you you decide to swim, as a way to supplement your workout, it's, it's, it's, your body's gonna respond differently, right? So it's, it's, it's just a different function. In this case, it's what what it feels like to me all these years later, is that we're activating the brain in a different manner. So for just a moment, if we can just get that activation to occur to, to bounce over to that right side of the brain, which is known to house those functions of intuition, dreaming, problem solving creativity, so all that good stuff is there, it's sort of like we have to be using that sword analogy, we have to just pierce through for a second to get it and then we can run back to the way we typically think and operate.

And interestingly, though, the the most of us 92% of us in the United States are right handed which is controlled by the left side of the brain. And the left side of the brain controls in is known for, you know, mathematic mathematics and reasoning and linear thinking logical thinking, speech, you know, all those things that that put food on the table gas in the car, and, and also, you know, I think can be the definition of the box and in many cases, so, it's no it's no accident that think outside the box is the most overused business hyperbole, because we all say it but we don't necessarily know how to do it, you know, we just do the same thing. Kind of maybe Trying to do it quicker, faster, better, but so it really is hard to get outside that comfort zone. And this process does it, in my estimation about as well as any.

And it's also been applied to the art world drawing on the right side of the brain was written in the 80s. And it still is a fantastic process for those who want to learn how to draw better. And then that is basically you've got to get your brain out of the way to be able to draw better because most of us don't draw any better than we did at age five, you know, so if we're trying to draw an image of a person in a chair, it's, it's not going to be very good. So it's the brains getting in the way.

Because all that we know about the chair, the person, the age is conflicting, with just drawing the damn thing you know, so we don't see it in the way that we could otherwise. And then, a woman that I studied with and was my mentor, Dr. logika, pop Yoni wrote recovery of your inner child. And so she helped launch the whole inner child movement in psychology. So in psychology, this versions of this process had been used for decades and decades and decades, they typically refer to it as intuitive writing. And when patients, you know, have something where it's not working any other way, which was the case for me, and my therapist gave me which he has book and when I was 38. And it really helped crack the code of where, where I was stuck.

And I had already spent a year. And I was saying that my therapist, hey, we need to speed this up, you guys just have a busy job. I mean, I can't come here every week and not see major progress. So which is book really helped me break break through, but it's not for everybody, you know, as you have that suffered some sort of abuse it's in earlier in life, or whenever it's, it's, it's not, it's a tough read, and you're going to put it down and fast. So my thought was, what about all the rest of us in the world who need help with garden variety problems, you know, how to improve the profitability of their company, how to get improve the relationship that hasn't been working well, how to make the team collaborate better, how to be a better human, you know, how to have what's your highest and best purpose, all these big questions in life, or I found her better served by activating the brain differently and getting essentially what feels like a second opinion.

Only the best part is it's not from a friend or a treasured professor, maybe even or a psychologist, but but from himself, you know, it's getting this wisdom from this higher self is higher consciousness is what it feels like.

Nik Tarascio 

So I'm curious to know if you know, how does this relate to fulfillment as you're talking about this. And again, I'm someone that's mostly solved problems in my life, through my rational mind. And I'm really now kind of, in the introspective phase of, you know, I'm after a feeling amount after external conditions, I think I've only recently made sense that that actually doesn't matter how many whatever's I have, or how much money I have, or where I live or any of that stuff. It is a state of fulfillment, peace, happiness, joy that I'm looking for, how does this process relate to that?

Bill Donius 

Great question. And I think it relates very directly to your purpose and what your meaning for life is, like, why are you here? What are you here to do? Or where do you hear that you need to do next? Because maybe you've done you know, 15 different things. And, you know, what's next? What's next for you to realize with the rest of your life in this gift that we have? You know, how do you make the most of it? And in my harlots, I think that the right side of the brain is so closely connected to our souls journey, that it and tapping into that higher consciousness is, is the most direct and, and fat, kind of easiest also, way to go there and get what we need to get to get the self awareness to know why we're here, what our journeys about, what's left to do, why we're stuck, while we need to work on, you know, all those big kind of existential questions or we can get help accessing, and if you will, outsourcing in some ways, maybe those thoughts to the right side of our brain to get that wisdom that we're seeking.

Nik Tarascio 

And as you were doing this, I mean, is that what you had come up for you? And that's why you felt called to do this work? Because it did kind of answer that big, deep search question. Like the Viktor Frankl question, right? It's, it's, we're all looking for that meaning?

Bill Donius 

Yeah, absolutely. Because I thought it was to help finance people's dreams, you know, which was great as a banker, and I was doing that in spades increasingly, you know, more and more helping is the bank room many, many, many more people and that was satisfying. It was great and creating a great employment environment for employees were voted Best Place to Work in St. Louis. So that was fulfilling, doing well for shareholders. I was fulfilling and, and so there was a partner who was like, Okay, great. I'm checking all the boxes like, what else is there? And so it was in that retreat that I pose that cell that question to myself like, Okay, what is my highest and best purpose? What else have I have left to do? Now, if you if you've been able to check the box, fortunately, financially, then it gives you the freedom to go off and do either what you really want to do or what you need to do or what you're called to do. You know, that is, that's fantastic. But I found you don't have you know, sometimes that's the excuse to the Lie we tell ourselves is that, oh, I can't do anything until I've attained this economic success. Well, I've seen in the workshops, I've led it as at the Esalen Institute and other places over the years that that Now oftentimes when we find our bliss, we find our passion that can also lead to great financial success. So we may be trapped in a job that we hate. And no, it's a wonder we're not doing well at it because we hate it. And so it isn't until we leave that and and pursue where our skill sets, talents, and purpose align that we also achieve the financial success we want to achieve.

Nik Tarascio 

Is there a particular story about someone you've worked with that really that one you can share and to it is one of your prouder accomplishments?

Bill Donius 

Yeah, that yeah, there. I mean, there's a flood of things that come to mind, I guess, the most recent because it's the freshest and it was also in it one out who is in in the recent podcasts that I did with the Esalen Institute voices. Veselin was the workshop participant who was working and had been working was trained to work as an oncology nurse and had achieved a high level and great status in that role and was doing really well but unfulfilled in the work, and really did a deep dive to understand why that was the case. And figured out that she really wanted to spend her time caring for the patient, rather than administering the drugs and, and then figured out a pathway to do that.

And so she did all that in a period of a few months. And that was last year. There's also a, a 27 ish year old who was in a job where he was doing really well financially. But he just knew that that, you know, he, the golden handcuffs were kind of on and he was well regarded in the company doing really well. But it wasn't really helping him achieve his passion of being an entrepreneur and learning how to be his own boss or, and so he took the big risk and jumped out into a much more entrepreneurial opportunity and understood what that meant, why he was doing it, and felt good about making a huge change in his life and career and taking the risk and so doing so. And then there's some that have had really successful, there was the gentleman who was a Mensa member, and had been fired five times in his career, and his wife referred him to me, his, she was tired of them getting fired and having their whole life be interrupted. And he was able to unlock why it was with him, that he progressed. And it was typically when he was directly reporting to the CEO that that would happen. And it wouldn't happen prior.

But he unlocked the reason. And the CEO was a proxy for the father figure that that he had in the father that he had, he had completely erased and forgotten, something that happened at age 14, where it was a pretty minor thing in the scheme of things. But that comment from his father, then was very triggering little, you know, decades later in life and was interrupting his career. And just the awareness of that singular comment allowed him to understand the impact it was having on his life. So that's a few, I guess, independent kind of examples.

Nik Tarascio 

And I think the part of it that is quite interesting to me is we're kind of in this world of everyone has these expensive solutions to problems and these massively complex things that just seems like such a simple tool at the end of the day, and I'm wondering, Is it is it the kind of thing where someone could just learn it for themselves and do it on their own? Or do they really need to lean on a facilitator like you?

Bill Donius 

You know, it's absolutely the former. In fact, the reason that I wrote the book and through the lens that I wrote it after those 200 interviews, which I framed it sort of is through the lens of the lies we tell ourselves and that this process is essentially a truth detector, helping us break through where we're held back. So I densified a different lies, it seemed common amongst those 200 people that I interviewed, and the objective was to make it you know, and truly a self help book that you could help yourself by reading it. And there are 54 questions and working through it. So one of the most satisfying things about the work actually, is to hear from people who I'll meet somewhere somewhere in the world, and, or who will reach out and write to me through my website, and we'll share that they did this work, you know, six years ago, 10 years ago, whenever and, and the impact it had on their life.

So, yes, it is. And then there are some that are not able to learn that way. And so they attend workshops, which is great, you know, that's more immersive the workshop in SLN, as a whole weekend, leading one at the modern elder Academy and Baja Mexico in May. And that's a whole week. So people learn in differing ways. And I'm realizing also that experimented last year with a whole digital hybrid cloud set, thinking I'd probably need to do that it was kind of forced on me during COVID, where we couldn't be in person. So I developed videos that with clients, big corporate clients to continue to do the work by zoom. And so it's, it's, you know, it's the good news is it is very relatable, and easy to learn, and easier for Shawn perhaps. But yes, it's, it's a, it's truly a process that is efficient and effective.

Nik Tarascio 

You know, as you're talking, I'm kind of hearing some patterns in what you shared is that it seems like you're one of those people that has throughout your life gone within to allow yourself to steer to the next thing that felt right for you. I don't know if it was in your nervous system, or in your consciousness or what it is. But it's kind of cool to see that after navigating so many different jobs that you talked about choosing to go back to the family business having success, they're finding your way to this thing that as you talk about it, it's like, how did you even figure that out? Right? It's amazing that it was like this Well, of wisdom within you that you've been able to tap into, it doesn't surprise me, it doesn't surprise me at all, to hear that this is what you help people do. It sounds like that is your innate gift, is, you've always been able to go within yourself, even if you've resisted it, and you're helping people get access to the same thing, which I just think is such a cool calling. We're all...

Bill Donius 

You know, it's probably a very polite way of saying I'm an impatient person. But I've not thought of it that way before. But now I think there may be something there because I've always felt like I was able to take what was my Achilles heel, in intimacy and relationships and what I learned in therapy, and overcome that Achilles heel, and then that the process that I learned then has become my superpower. But I really feel like my life really changed and my late 30s learning maths because I was somewhat adrift, somewhat impatient, somewhat bothered some, you know, somewhat a seeker and searching and just it and I guess I was unwilling to accept boredom or unwilling to accept scenarios, work scenarios, especially where I was, felt like I wasn't contributing or doing something meaningful. And if I was just kind of, on that hamster wheel of sorts, like, life's too short, I don't want to do this, you know, for a long time.

Nik Tarascio 

What's the dream now? I mean, you've you've had incredible success in multiple areas in multiple domains, you've had incredible impact on people. What do you dream about now? What, what what drives you through the day?

Bill Donius 

Yeah, so that's a good question, too. I've been thinking about this in the last year or so. And, and I think it's, you know, being open minded to continue to learn and being aware of what else is out there and what other possibilities exist, a new opportunity has opened up in the in the whole grease arena. And I've been invited to I've led a national webinar, and then I'm going to be one of the speakers that have a grief retreat in Connecticut this summer.

So it's helping people understand that intersection, you know, as life and death, and how do we survive bodily death? Where did we how do we grieve? Why are we grieving? How can we turn channel that into something that's useful? Helpful, so that that's of interest to me, also, hopefully finding a way to somewhat institutionalize this process. So it doesn't sort of end with me, you know, that I've already have a number of people that, that I've trained to do this work that in various forms, that I think there could be some sort of digital course that would, you know, exist out there to be able to really build at great, much greater scale, teaching this out into the world, because it's not been happy to go at the pace that I've gone at.

And, you know, I'd haven't really looked at it as a as a money making thing as much as it is a, you know, a passion affirming project. So but I don't think those two things are independent, you know, I think I can get my passion out there more would be satisfying. And rather than doing it, you know, just dial it up on a bigger scale. So I'm looking at those kinds of opportunities, because it, it works really, equally well in the workplace. So these big corporate teams that I work with, in some cases, a decade later, now still use this process, and their managerial meetings and their processes, especially when they're stuck or have a problem.

So and then they and then the other satisfying part has been when they've used it at work, and it works, they've integrated into their personal lives, and they used it to help find, you know, why they're depressed or upset at something or why something else wasn't, isn't working as well. So it really deserves to live in, you know, both the workplace and in the personal development world. So it's how to continue to drive that foreword, I guess, is the is the other part that I'm thinking about.

Nik Tarascio 

I mean, it's incredible to hear just someone to help us process the human experience, right. And we really, especially the I think the depth conversation, which is, and I think a lot of people think that it only surfaces later in life, but more and more, I'm realizing how many of us are trying to avoid the topic, trying to you know, try not to face the topic or dealing with even unpressed, onyx, unprocessed death experiences from childhood, right, losing grandparents, or parents or pets, or whatever that is. So uh, just, I don't know, it's just been awesome to watch what you're doing and to hear more of your story. And it's just, it's such a gift that you're giving to the world.

Bill Donius 

So, I can definitely recommend what helps amplify my paths. And down this in this direction is the book I've since met her at Esalen. She's a New York Times reporter and took a journalistic approach to the topic of death and wrote the Netflix it's a Netflix series wrote a great book that I highly recommend titled surviving deaths. And the Netflix series is by the same name, it's when you it's it's really almost impossible to read her book or watch the series and not come away with an understanding that we do survive. And that there is more to it. We're not just in the ground, and it's over. But it's it's so it's really fascinating.

Nik Tarascio 

Well, I think kind of to sum it all up what what is so cool about what you're sharing to me is that life really is like a Disney movie where like the answers are inside of us, right? It's it just takes that courage to believe our own intuition or to make the space or to learn the skill of being able to tap into that. And, you know, again, I'm just ungrateful to have the time with you and be able to talk about this. And I hope people that are listening, really take this to heart and try the exercise because again, I was very skeptical. very skeptical the first time, Mike, this is silly. I don't see how this is going to do anything. There's expensive, difficult methods to solve this problem. Why would this work? And I did find just so much value. And you know, really unearthing things about my relationships unearthing things about my path in my life that I was unclear about and resisting, mostly because it was fear based. And I would say that what you did with me, allowed me to answer a question from beyond my own fear. And I really was a tapping into my heart, my courage, my gut. That's what that allowed. So I highly recommend you guys. Take a moment to try it. Just check out Bill's book. I mean, there's so much to recap from this, I really feel like the major sentiment, though is that you already have the answer. You may not think you have the answer. And even if you don't, there's a way to get there. And that's really what Bill's work is about is really learning to do something that is so not Western. It's to trust yourself. It's to trust yourself and not need to go to, you know, therapists and doctors and career counselors and all these people that tell you what you should do. There's really an opportunity for you to find out within yourself what you're really called to do, what you came in to do. And I hope that for all of you and Bill just thank you so much my recommended Asians are again, check out Bill's book thought revolution, how to unlock your inner genius. If you're curious to really get some FaceTime with Bill, you could check out modern elder Academy. He'll be down there in May, you could also check out the Esalen Institute. And he's also got an event there in May as well I think from the fifth to the seventh. And man, I'm gonna see if I could squeeze some of that into my calendar. Otherwise, I'm just gonna hunt you down wherever you are in the country just to get some catch up time.

Bill Donius 

It's it's still in formation, but I'm likely leading a workshop in New York City on July 12. For specifically for creatives, writers, directors, actors, and the experience with them, just kind of anecdotally has been so positive through the years that the idea was to, like, really create something specifically for them to help them so that that definitely is I'm gonna try to sleep and so that'll posted there, williamdonius.com

Nik Tarascio 

Fantastic. Well, again, thank you so much for the time this was really lovely,

Bill Donius 

Thank you and I appreciate who you are in the world, how you show up in the world and, and I'm delighted that you're doing this getting the message out there and helping people kind of awaken to their own superpowers and to what's important in life. So kudos to you man.

Nik Tarascio 

Thank you so much. I hope you all enjoyed. Thank you for listening to the dream beyond. I hope that you receive whatever message or inspiration you were meant to get from today's episode. I had a great time recording it for you. If you love the show, please take 30 seconds to subscribe rate and review it. That really helps get the word out. And if you want to connect with me, you can find me at:

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[elwynten]

Chapter 31

Team JSMN Invited to Pern

Monday after class, I stopped Jyll before she left the classroom. "Jyll, are you busy?" I asked.

Sunflower, Mousa and Nell stopped to see what I wanted to talk to Jyll about.

"Hi guys." I said to the rest of her Team. "I would like to invite y'all to stay the weekend at my place." I offered.

Jyll looked at her Team then back at me. "Why are you asking?" She asked me.

I grinned. "I like y'all. And I've invited other Teams to spend the weekend at my place. I've asked Team RWBY to spend last weekend at my place. And I thought your Team would like a break from school. So, I thought I would invite some friends to spend the weekend at my home." I told her.

"Team RWBY has gone to your house?" Jyll asked me.

"Team's JNPR, and RWBY have been to my place for a weekend, so far." I told them.

Jyll looked at her Team. "Do you want to stay at Eilwyn's place this weekend?" She asked them.

They looked at each other. Nell shrugged her shoulders, and Mousa said "It's okay with me."

"We have a beach where you can go swimming. If you're not into that, there is a big library, a craft room, a lab and even a recording studio." I told them to let them know there was several different things they could do.

Sunflower perked up when I said, recording studio. "You have your own recording studio?" She asked excitedly.

I chuckled. "Yes, I do." I answered her.

"I'm in." Sunflower said. "When are we leaving?" She asked excitedly.

I help up my hand to her and looked at the rest of her Team.

Nell nodded her head in agreement. "Get away from Beacon Academy for a weekend? I'm in."

Jyll gave Mousa a questioning look. Mousa shrugged her shoulders again. "I'll go, it might be fun." She said.

Jyll looked at me. "It looks like we're all going. When and where?" she asked.

"We'll meet at my dorm room an hour after our last class on Friday. We'll leave from there." I told them.

"Can I bring my instrument?" Sunflower asked.

I grinned because I know how much she likes playing and singing. "Absolutely you can bring it." I told her.

"Thank you." She said grinning from ear to ear.

"You're welcome. If you want to make a recording, I'm sure we can find someone to operate the equipment, for you." I said. "Well, I need to go. See you Friday an hour after our last class. And remember a bathing suit if you want to go swimming. Unless you want to go skinny dipping." I reminded them. "See ya later." I said as I turned to leave.

There were giggles and blushes at my mentioning skinny dipping. "See ya." "By." They said, and it sounded like Sunflower had pulled her bango/mace (a Shamisen) out and started playing it.

As I walked away, I heard Sunflower say. "He has a recording studio? WOW!"

I had made an appointment to see Professor Ozpin, again. I don't really think he wanted to see me after our last meeting. But then, we did capture Salem and give her to him in hamster form.

Shortly before the time for the meeting, I headed to Ozpin's office. I took the elevator up. The elevator doors opened up and I stepped out. Professor Ozpin was sitting at his desk.

I walked up to the desk and created a chair to sit in and took a seat. "Good day Professor." I said.

Ozpin looked at me for a moment. "Hello Mr. Tengee, what brings you here today?" He asked me.

"As I mentioned last time we talked. I need to know where Adam Taurus is. I believe he is in Vale somewhere, but I need to know his exact location. He's planning on attacking Vale and Beacon Academy, by bringing in Grimm to help him and the White Fang."

"Are you sure about that?" Ozpin asked me.

"I'm positive. Adam's out to kill as many humans as he can. Also, Qrow needs to be brought in. Some of the Queen's pawns and the Queen have been dealt with. So, I need him to find Oscar Pine and Maria Calavera. Oscar is a young farm hand for his aunt. He lives fairly close to a train station that would take him to Mistral. He's younger than Ruby Rose so it might not hurt to see if he could stay with Tiayang, Ruby's father. And he could go to Patch for a year or two for training, before he comes to Beacon." I told him.

"Why is he important?" Ozpin asked.

I grinned. "In the future I've seen. You will be killed, and Oscer is who you 'reincarnate' into." I informed him.

Ozpin looked surprised. "Yes, it would be a good idea to have him close. If you know he is the next person I will join with if I die." He admitted.

"As for Maria Calavera. She will be heading to Argus in three or four months. She will be needing to go to Atlas to have her optical implants worked on. Once she is found, Qrow can bring her back here and I can heal her eyes. And as a side note, she has silver eyes, and she was known as the Grimm Reaper." I told him.

He sat up straighter. "The Grimm Reaper is alive? I thought she was dead."

"Everyone thinks that, but she's very much alive. But it would be a good idea to let everyone think she is still dead." I said. "Now Raven Bronwen. I need to know where she is also. She is the Spring Maiden and is using the maiden powers to pillage and destroy villages and kill people. So, she needs to be stopped." I added.

"Raven Bronwen is the Spring Maiden? We didn't know where the Spring Maiden was or who she was." Ozpin said.

"I plan on taking her Maiden powers away from her, more or less." I started.

"More or less? What does that mean?" Ozpin asked.

"She will still 'have' the Maiden powers, but she will not be able to use them. And while I'm at it, I'm going to shut down her bandit tribe." I said. "I know her general location. I can start there if I have to."

"It sounds like you plan on doing most of this, yourself." He stated.

"No. Qrow will do a lot of searching to find many of these people. Once they are found, then my Team and I will deal with many of them. I guess you could consider it, training missions. And lastly." I said.

"Oh, your finial coming to the end?" Ozpin asked sarcastically.

"The end for now. Arther Watts needs to be found. I don't know where he is." I finished.

"Arther Watts, he's a very intelligent scientist." Ozpin said.

"I know, and he was working for Salem." I answered.

Ozpin nodded his head in acknowledgement. "Salem's always had followers. People willing to do her bidding for the promise of power." He said.

"You can take the Spring Madian's powers away, like you took Salem's powers away?" Ozpin asked me.

I smiled. "Yes, I can. Well, I can't take her powers away, but I can nullify her powers so she can't use them." I explained.

"How can you do that? Her powers and immortality came from the gods of light and dark. How can you take something away that was given by the gods?" Ozpin asked.

"That's one of the 64 million LIEN questions. When I received all these powers and abilities, I also received the ability to nullify other people's powers and abilities. And if I understand it correctly, I can even nullify the powers of the god of light and the god of darkness, and I can even make them mortal." I told him.

Ozpin looked at me thoughtfully. "You're a god?" He asked me.

"Not even close. I might have a lot of powers but I'm NOT a god. And I've never claimed to be one." I responded.

"If you're that powerful, why did you come to Beacon Acadamy?" He asked me.

I grinned. He had asked me that question before. "I answered that the first time I talked to you. I'm here to learn to be a Huntsman and to change future history.

"You can give people different powers and you can nullify powers that people already have. You could be more dangerous than Salem." Ozpin stated.

I nodded my head in agreement. "True, but the only ones that need to worry about me are Grimm, Salem, and criminals."

Ozpin nodded his head with a thoughtful look on his face.

At that time, I nullified Ozpin's reincarnation and gave him immortality. I also gave him regeneration and durability.

I stood up and dissolved the chair I had been using. "Until next time." I said and headed to the elevator. As the elevator door opened, I turned to Ozpin. "By the way. I've nullified your reincarnation and replaced it with immortality. I also gave you durability and regeneration." I turned and entered the elevator. Ozpin had a shocked look on his face as the elevator doors closed.

[avatarmerida]

The Origin of Orchids

In which Hunter almost ruins the confession. Almost. It’s very similar to another story I’ve already written but don’t think about that please

———

“...but it’s extremely hard to grow and I can’t seem to summon it again no matter how hard I try,” continued Willow as she and Hunter walked back to the Noceda house after picking up some groceries. Willow was sharing her frustration about being unable to recreate an intricate plant she had accidentally grown a few days prior.

“Maybe it’s the weather? Don’t some plants grow seasonally?” offered Hunter.

“I did consider that, but the weather has been constant,” replied Willow, happy to be able to talk about plant magic and have someone respond. The others let her ramble and think aloud, but they didn’t have much else to contribute besides encouragement. “I’ve tried recreating the time of day, the location, everything! I’m really glad I was able to do it. I just wish I knew how!”

“What about the moon cycle?” said Hunter to which Willow raised an eyebrow. “Hear me out! The moon controls the tides and plants need water… is that… anything?”

“It’s certainly… something,” Willow chuckled. “I’m sorry to bother you with this, but you were the only one there when I did it! Otherise, I’d probably think I had imagined the whole thing!’

“You could never bother me,” said Hunter, happy to help. He adjusted his grip on the shopping back as he thought back to the day. “It’s the first plant found only in the human realm that you’ve been able to summon, that’s a big deal! You said you tried recreating the time and place you summoned the orchid but do you remember everything about that day?”

“Yes, it was sunny but not too hot and I was in the garden monitoring the tulips, nothing unusual,” said Willow, conjuring the day in her mind. “Then you came outside and I turned around to say hi and you said that you had got me something and you gave me the cutest little watering can I’ve ever seen. And it was my favorite shade of green and you had painted a big golden ‘W’ on it and put little drawings of butterflies and flowers inside it and-.”

“I didn’t tell you I had painted it,” said Hunter, slightly embarrassed. “How did you know?”

“I know your handwriting,” she shrugged simply, not sensing his flusteredness. “It was so sweet. And I also knew you had painted it because you had some paint on your hand because you had taken off your gloves to paint it and you hadn’t put them back on yet.”

“Wow, you remember all that?” he chuckled nervously, noticing much of the story involved him and not the important orchid.

“Yeah,” she continued. “And then you handed me the watering can and then I hugged you…” she stopped walking as her sentence trailed through her mind. “And then I hugged you! Hunter I didn’t recreate everything! C’mon!”

She grabbed his free hand and started running back to the house as Hunter did his best to hold on tightly to the shopping bag.

“Captain slow down, I've got eggs in here!” he exclaimed, taking the shopping responsibilities entrusted to him by Mrs. Noceda very seriously.

“Sorry!” she said as they approached the front lawn where Willow’s garden resided and thrived. She carefully retraced her steps and brought Hunter over to the exact spot they had been when he had given her the watering can. “Okay, lemme see….”

She adjusted their footing to be as exact as possible, moving him slightly to the left to ensure the monet was recreated perfectly. He was confused, but asked no questions as she was clearly determined and focused and he was happy to help (and putty on her hands). Once she was satisfied, she wrapped her arms around him, trapping his at his sides just as she had done a few days prior. Her face rested against his chest as Hunter looked straight ahead, just as confused and flustered as he had been when they were in the original scenario.

The embrace was longer this time,as Willow attempted to focus on summoning the orchid, hoping that this was the missing piece. After a few moments (which felt like hours to Hunter) when nothing availed, she pulled away with a sigh.

“Hmmm,” she said quietly. “I really thought that was it.”

“Maybe I should get you another watering can?” tried Hunter, noticing that while she was not holding him as tightly she had not fully let go of him, her arms resting on his as she searched her mind.

“Was it a magic watering can?” she asked, only half joking. “Everything else is the same, I’m even wearing the same shoes. What else…. Wait!”

She looked back up at him as his eyes darted down to her face, eager to hear her realization. He was stunned to see her face donning a crimson shade that reminded him so much of Flapjack. He was about to ask her if she was alright when she spoke again, as if choosing her words carefully.

“There was one more thing….” she hesitated to continue, though Hunter couldn’t see why. He searched his own brain for details of the day, his mind a fuzzy light fog recalling how tight she had hugged him, and remembered when she had pulled away.

“Oh, yeah,” said Hunter, finishing her thought. “You had dirt on your cheek.”

“Yeah,” breathed Willow. “Um, and then you brushed it off for me.”

“Yeah,” said Hunter. “Oh, we can get some dirt. Hold on!” He jogged over to the garden and scooped some into his hand. “Is that really the missing piece? I didn’t realize plant magic was so detail oriented. Does it matter how much or how fresh? Here, did you wanna-.”

“Hunter I… I don’t think it was the dirt that made me summon the orchid,” said Willow delicately.

“Oh,” said Hunter, confused with a handful of dirt. “Do you mean it wasn’t this dirt? Did you get it from someplace else or-.”

“No it was….” she exhaled, trying to compose herself. “When you touched my cheek… I didn’t know I had dirt on my face….”

“Oh Titan, Captain, I didn’t mean to embarrass you,” he sputtered. “It wasn’t alot, I promise. I-I have stuff on my face all the time! Look!” he smudged the dirt he held onto his cheek, definitely more than Willow had possessed days before. “See? It's not that bad, it’s good quality dirt! Nothing to be ashamed about!”

“Hunter no,” Willow laughed, walking over to him. “It’s… it’s not the dirt… what I mean is, um…” She stood in front of him, uncharastically nervous. His mind raced with what he could’ve said wrong, surely she was trying to spare his feelings since he was still new to social cues. “When I say I didn’t know I had dirt on my face, I mean I thought you were touching my face for a different reason…”

Because I’m weird? He thought. “W-what reason?”

“I thought, um…” her eyes darted to the ground as her voice grew softer, Hunter leaned in closer to hear, hanging on her every word no matter how timid. “I thought…”

He braced himself for the worst.

“I thought you were going to kiss me,” she said at last.

“Oh.” Hunter didn’t know what else to say. Should he apologize? Correct her? Should he bury himself in the ground having caused her unnecessary discomfort?

“So anyway…,” continued Willow with an airy laugh, regaining conviction in her voice. “I think I was able to summon the orchid because when you touched me, it made my magic stronger because…”

She trailed off, looking up at him as though the answer was so simple. Did he know the answer? Was this a link between plant magic and-oh. Of course; she had figured it out. She was smart, he should’ve known it was only a matter of time! The palistom wood he was made of amplified magic. When he had touched her, he wasn’t wearing his gloves so the direct contact boosted her magic and allowed her to summon the orchid.

She had been the the last one he told. Everyone else had figured it out or overheard, but for some reason Willow was different; he wanted to control the way she learned things about him. He wanted to share things with her, even difficult things, but this was something he wished he could forget so he put it off as long as he could. He had been trying to be better, to unlearn things, to change but this was something that bound him to his past forever and made truly moving on seem impossible. He knew that she knew how he hated talking about it, and figured that was why she hesitated now and looked for his permission to bring it up.

They spoke at the exact same time to finish Willow's hanging thought

“...because I’m in love with you.” “...because I’m a grimwalker.”

“What?” they said at the same time again.

“I um…” began Hunter, wishing he had waited. “I’m made of Palistrom wood, technically. Heh.”

“I know,” she said, also knowing how much he hated talking about it, surprised he would choose to dwell on that and not comment on her confession. “But… did you hear what I said?”

“Yeah,” said Hunter softly, averting his gaze. As hard as it was, he needed to make sure she understood. How selfish would he be if he allowed her to think she had romantic feelings for him when it was the palintrom wood all along? “And... I didn’t mean to trick you, I-.”

“Trick me?” she repeated, confused. “What do you mean? You didn’t trick me.”

“Well, I…” he struggled to find the words. He didn’t want to imply that she was gullible, but he knew this was the only logical explanation to this impossible situation. “I’ve been reading about grimwalkers to the best of my ability here, trying to remember scattered things I’ve seen before and it’s common for these things to happen. Because the same component present in a paliman is also used-.”

“Hunter,” Willow cut him off before he could begin rambling. “Even if that’s a part of it I… I still… you know how my magic is linked to my emotions, right?”

“Yes.”

“So even if you being a grimwalker helped amplify my magic, the type of flower it helped summon… that was summoned by how I feel about you… and I’ve never been able to summon a flower that rare before.”

“You’ve also never met a grimwalker before,” he pointed out.

“You don’t know that.” she said.

“I- I guess I don’t,” he admitted, mulling the thought over. “But it’s very unlikely!”

“I’ve also never been in love before,” she continued,fidgeting with her hands. “That I do know for sure.”

“Well, erm,” Hunter cleared his throat, finding that point harder to counter. “Me neither…”

Willow’s eyes went wide with horror as her hands shot to cover her mouth and she gasped in embarrassment. “Oh my Titan, I’m so sorry,” she groaned.

“What?” Hunter asked with concern.

“Here I am trying to convince you that I’m in love with you while you’re just trying to let me down gently,” she said, totally mortified, burying her face in her hands. “I’m just embarrassing myself ans you’re being so nice about it! Oh, I shouldn't have assumed you felt the same way just because-.”

“Oh, no no no!” said Hunter, now it was his turn for his eyes to go wide in terror as he set the bags down and took her by the shoulders. “That’s not what I meant! I meant like before now!”

“What?”

“Yeah!” said Hunter, not realizing what he had just confessed to her, more focused on reassuring her. “But that’s another thing about the Palistrom aspect, having emotional connections. So because I’m in lo-.”

He froze. He was stuck. He had planned on picking up eggs today, not telling Willow every deep secret he harbored. He was digging himself a metaphorical hole but he wished it was a real one so he could dive into it and escape from this moment he couldn’t seem to stop ruining.

“Wait,” said Willow, coming out of a pause of her own, a smile creeping onto her face as she took delight in his halt. ‘So…”

“So! We should probably get inside, right?” said Hunter, not knowing what else to do, picking up the grocery bag with great forced enthusiasm . “I mean, um, ya know the eggs should probably be-.”

“Hunter,” she laughed, gently removing the bags from his hands agin and placing them on the ground so she could take his hands in hers. “I think… we should talk about this.”

“I…” Hunter felt like he would only embarrass her. Why did he say anything? Having a grimwalker admitting they’re in love with you was not something that happened every day. Hunter knew what romantic feelings were but until he met Willow he had no idea what they felt like. They were a rare combination of so many things: caring, fear, bravery. But grimwalker were also a rare combination of things, and Hunter was certain this was the reason for the confusion on Willow’s part. The nature of his origin messed with her magic in a way that usually only love could, it was a simple mistake anyone could make! Even the brightest of witches!

“I do… care about you alot,” he started, feeling that while ‘love’ did feel accurate and true, it was too strong a word to lean on at the moment. “And I really like you and I thought these feelings would go away, like they were from a sickness or a spell, but they’ve only gotten stronger. Which, I supposed could still be symptoms of a sickness or spell, they don’t necessarily have to diminish with time unless-.”

“Hunter!” said Willow, snapping him back yet again.

“Right, um,” he tried to regroup his thoughts. “But if you're feeling that way about me…”

“I am.” she said with bright confidence.

“I uh…I have to assume it’s a side effect of me being a grim walker,” he said.

“Wait, so are you saying that… you can be in love with me but I can’t be in love with you?”

Hunter nodded, grateful she understood.

“Hunter, that’s ridiculous,” said Willow bluntly.

“Not if you consider the facts.”

“I have, and the facts are that I’ve liked you for awhile and apparently you feel the same way about me and this would normally be a very nice and romantic moment but you’re being stubborn which oddly enough is one of the reasons I like you.”

“But that’s only because-.”

“Hunter…” she tried to find words that would demonstrate how ridiculous he sounded before he could blame her infatuation on Palistrom wood again. She always thought the hard part of this would be gathering the courage to confess, not preparing a works cited page. “If that was true, then wouldn’t everyone feel this way about you?”

“Well, no,” he said casually, as though they were debating flyer dery strategies. “Because I have romantic feelings for you, I have the ability to strengthen your magic. The same way being around other people’s palismans doesn’t affect you the way your own does.”

“Then why can’t I summon a butterfly orchid with Clover’s help?” asked Willow, crossing her arms smugly.

Hunter was stumped. “I’ll have to get back to you on that, I think maybe it’s because of the grim aspect of the name-.”

“Okay fine, I’ll prove it to you,” she said, ever determined. “Kiss me.”

“Um, excuse me?” Hunter felt like he was about to float away. “W-w-what will that prove?”

“If you’re going to be dramatic then so am I,” she said, summoning stubborness of her own. “I’m not going to stand here and let you tell me how I feel without doing all the necessary research to support my hypothesis.”

As much as Hunter wanted to debate her, hearing her talk about validating research did make him want to kiss her. He would do anything for her, and if it took kissing her to convince her that she couldn’t be in love with him then so be it.

“Okay then,” he whispered and inched forward looking at Willow skeptically. He had thought about this moment before, in spite of himself, and even though it would only break his heart he wanted to get it right.

He was suddenly aware of how quiet the street was. He heard the faint sound of cars, streets away and windchimes from the neighbors house. He could hear Willow steadying her breath, and the closer he got the more hypnotized he felt. He moved slowly, but in his mind time stopped all together. A true bittersweet moment, he insticitly closed his eyes and right before he met her lips, she spoke.

“Open your eyes,” Willow whispered. His stopped, and his eyes shot open on her command and seeing how close he was to Willow’s face made reality come crashing down on him. Hunter leaned back, nearly losing his balance before Willow grabbed his arm to steady him. “Careful, you don’t want to crush them.”

“What? The eggs?” he said, glancing down to make sure he hadn’t stepped on the grocery bag.

“No,” replied Willow with a smile. “The orchids.” She gestured with her head and Hunter looked around the ground to find that they were surrounded by a circle of the rare orchid she had been struggling recrete.

He looked around with admiration and confusion.. “I… wow… wait, how did you…?”

“I told you, it’s the same thing that happened the last time I thought you were gonna kiss me,” she said simply, as though she thought about kissing him often. Wait, did she? “And I also thought about how you said you feel about me and… poof!”

“But, what about-?”

“And we didn’t touch, so you can’t blame this on your grimwalker powers,” she said, wagging a finger in his face. He never thought to think of his grimwalker traits as ‘powers. “Now do you believe me?”

He looked around again at the perfectly formed butterfly orchids surrounding him, tangible proof that Willow Park had romantic feelings for him. Clear evidence, brought forth by a controlled experiment that the feelings he felt were genuinely returned. He was in disbelief, and found it hard to accept not because it was unwanted but because it seemed too good to be true. But, then again, when was the last time Willow had been wrong?

“Maybe it’s… both?” he offered. “But… even knowing I’m a grimwalker… and what that means…you still feel that way about me?”

She nodded.

“That’s bananas.”

“I… don't know what those are,” giggled Willow.

“Me neither,” admitted Hunter, running the back of his neck nervously. “Luz keeps putting the on the shopping list but I never know where to look for them and-.”

“Ya know, I wonder what kind of flowers I’d be able to summon if you actually did kiss me,” said Willow, rocking back on forth on her heels. “They’d probably be pretty impressive.”

“Yeah,” said Hunter, considering how the structure of the magic and resources could have the final result would either increase in size or number before he realized what she was implying, what she had been implying. Standing before him was the girl he was totally crazy about saying she was totally crazy about him and wanted him to kiss her. Why was he just standing there?!

He took a deep breath and regathered his nerves and gently placed his hands on her shoulders (mostly to steady himself) as he cautiously stepped forward again. Knowing how slow he tended to move, Willow expedited the process and reached her arms out to grab onto his shirt to pull him towards her, wasting no more time.

It wasn’t a long kiss. It was clumsy and awkward but the fact that it was happening at all made it perfect. Hunter didnt know when he had closed his eyes, but when he opened them to make sure Willow hadn’t disappeared as part of a dream, he found her face glowing with a pink flush. She smiled at him as she adjusted her glasses, having gone askew when he moved his hands, before placing her hands atop his and sighing contently. He returned her smile and as he looked at her with admiration and tried to remember how to breathe, he realized that he didn’t need to bend down to look into her sparkling eyes, but found her now at his level.

“Wait… how?” Hunter looked down and saw the pale pink flowers their kiss had inspired had created a sort of delicate staircase underneath her feet to bring her closer to him. “Woah. What kind of flowers are those?”

“I’ve only seen drawings of what they might look like so I can’t be sure but I think… those are palistrom flowers.” Willow said, marveling at her creation.

“Wow, that’s-.” Hunter leaned forward to look at them closer when a crunching sound made him freeze for the second time that day.

“Hunter? What’s wrong?”

“I think I stepped on the eggs.”

[userholland]

overdrive (biker!tom) | three

genre ↠ strangers to lovers, love at first sight, idiots to lovers

summary ↠ after an eventful bike lesson, y/n and tom went back to his apartment and let all their walls down－ or so they thought. having second thoughts, y/n isn't sure how to take in the night and is wondering if it was all an energy-driven mistake.

word count ↠ 3.7k

warnings in this part ↠ reader having an anxiety attack (in the first part, skip ahead if it is triggering!), lots of fluff toward the end, tom being so sarcastic and a goof (tbh), domestic!tom & y/n (to make up for the sadness in the beginning...), talks of a tattoo, lovey-dovey fluff talk!

chapter playlist ↠ 0x1=lovesong - txt / listen before i go - billie eilish / come back to earth - mac miller / older than i am - lennon stella / garden song - phoebe bridgers

a/n ↠ posting a bit later, but thank u for all the compliments and feedback i've been getting so far for this series ! 🥺 i really thought it was going to flop but turns out... im just my own worst critic wow. but, i hope that you guys have been sticking around and the last/final part will be posted next friday ! sad that this felt so short to post but i have so much more for the summer. as always, thanks for much for all your likes and comments, it means so much to me <3

series masterlist ♡ main masterlist

*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ* PART III. Is This It?

Your eyes fluttered open to the street light coming into the room, shadows towering over you as they spread across the ceiling. You wanted to believe everything that happened in these few hours was a dream and you were laying in your bed from the night before; a freak Friday moment. But, when you turned your head, Tom was on his side and facing your way. 

His features seemed softer while he dozed, suddenly feeling his arm that was underneath your neck to wrap around your back. You grazed your fingers along with his tattooed shoulder, then trailed them to his face and raking them through his fluffy, disheveled curls.

You weren’t going to deny that the night was memorable, something you didn’t want to forget, and Tom was everything you could want. But, there was an awful feeling in the pit of your stomach. You weren’t sure if it was guilt of being a hypocrite or if this really was more than you thought it was. 

Carefully moving away from him, you placed his arm down on the bed before grabbing any piece of clothing on the floor. When you held it up toward your face, it was Tom’s shirt. The one he had wore all night, remembering how the silver chain peeked by his neck. Earlier, when you peeled it over his head, you weren’t expecting how tattooed his body was.

You tossed the shirt to the side, not trying to reminisce on the night and quickly getting on your knees to find your clothes. The only light helping you was the streetlight outside, but other than that, you could only feel for them without turning on a light.

As you quickly put on your pants and shirt, you continued sneaking around the bed to find your phone. Throughout making out and getting thrown on the bed, you weren’t sure where it could be when trying to think back to an exact moment.

“Shit…” You trailed under your breath, tucking your hair behind your ear as you looked around the apartment.

Just as you reached to unfold the duvet, Tom rolled over on his back. With a bit of a headache, he licked his lips and ran his hands down his face. He felt overtired, like he always had after taking a short nap, but his light sleeping got the best of him– and you.

“Hey…” He groaned, not seeing your look of shock with widen eyes.

“Hey… Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you.” You gulped.

You slowly sat on the bed, glancing over at him and his toned body. He pushed himself out of bed, his hands pressing into the mattress and you saw the scratch marks you left against the skin of his obliques. 

“You’re leaving?” He asked, hoping he didn’t sound clingy. He thought there was more to this than just a one night stand.

“It’s not that…” You trailed, “I wasn’t gonna just up and leave.” You lied, not wanting to tell him how you really felt about yourself rather than the night itself.

Tom patiently waited for you to say something, but you seemed flustered and nervous. He obviously couldn’t read your mind, but he was fearing the words he was already thinking. Fearing of being deemed clingy again by someone who he fell a bit too hard for in a short amount of time, he continued to doubt as you kept stumbling over your words. 

All you could utter was, “This isn’t me, I don’t… I don’t do-”

“You don’t do what?” He asked in a flustered tone, but still deep.

“I don’t do this. I don’t just hop on some guy’s bike then end up in his bed and-and then I need to find some way to get home now. I just shouldn’t have-”

You could feel your heart breaking as you said it, wondering if you said it just to keep some kind of wall up to maintain your own pride.

Tom furrowed his eyebrows and retorted, “Woah, woah, wait. What is that supposed to mean?”

It was an asshole comment to say out loud, but you didn’t mean it the way he’s thinking it. But, it was more than understandable if this was coming out of the blue– you just weren’t going to admit that on the spot right now.

You closed your eyes, quickly turning your attention to him, “I didn’t mean like… I don’t…”

A million words flooded your head, but nothing left your lips. Too shy of admitting out loud that you liked being with Tom as much as he enjoyed being with you. But, out of all the reasons to tell him, there was that one small thought of “You’re in over your head, Y/N.”

Tears brimmed your eyes, feeling heat rush to your face out of the frustration building up along with the anxiety stressing every part of your body. It was like your worst nightmare insued, having a breakdown in front of a guy you really like and now this would be something else for him to judge as to whether or not you might be crazy.

“Y/N?” He asked, suddenly worried as you kept looking down.

You couldn’t look him in the eyes because of how painful it was to even tell him you didn’t feel the same. It was lying to his face, just to downplay how you were feeling.

“Hey, hey. Look at me.” Tom’s calm tone made you look up, sniffling as your tears dropped off your chin. He could tell the distress you were in, not knowing what you say because you were so choked up.

His fingers were beneath your chin as he glanced down at you, your eyes a bit squinted and your nose scrunching as you continued to lightly sob. You were practically shaking and he felt that as you placed your hands on his torso, a stuttering sniffle coming from you once more.

“Shh, it’s gonna be okay.” Tom reassured, keeping eye contact with you, “Take a deep breath.” He nodded.

It was hard to take that first breath, but you felt the cool air enter then pursing your lips to exhale. You both did it a few times together, not realizing how relaxing breathing could be, but there was a sudden fatigue that came down from having an anxiety attack. You held him closer by his waist, making sure this moment was real and that it wasn’t come dream you were going through if you had passed out.

Tom could feel the warmness of your cheek against his chest as he held you close to him. He wasn’t trying to squeeze you, but he could tell that there was more to this reaction than this entire night. You were hurt and this was your defense mechanism: pushing people away before they pushed you first.

“If someone is going to get their heart broken, it’ll be me…” He trailed, those words faint to your ears.

You weren’t sure what it meant, not wanting to question it, but Tom went well. He just knew that whatever happened between you from this point on, there was a good chance that he just wants to know what loving you is like and he was more than ready to take on any day.

He kissed the top of your head, “Do you wanna go back to bed? We can just talk about this in the morning, if you still want to…”

You nodded, pulling away from him and glancing back into his eyes. Even though you could barely see his body, you saw the shimmer of the moonlight against his brown orbs. As you ran your hands down the tattoos along his chest, you sat back into the soft mattress and crawled back under the covers.

Tom moved next to you, then slowly and carefully wrapped his arms around you once again. Although there was just a pause to the argument, you know that you wanted to talk about it without feeling like you’re on the spot. Just from Tom understanding that your breakdown was in no way a form of diverting or excusing yourself, he also assumed you were exhausted from the fast-paced night and the sex that lead after it. But, neither of you regret that one bit. 

Your face nuzzled the crook of his neck as you embraced him, holding him tight as you hoped for the morning to come and you’d still be in his arms.

*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ*

Ironically, the sound of chirping birds woke you up from your deep slumber. Your eyes were heavy and dry, instantly rubbing the side of your hand against each before sitting up in bed. You come to realize that Tom wasn’t there, and it left a bit of an ache in your chest. It was his place though, so did he just leave once he realized what happened last night?

You bit the side of your index finger’s nail, trying to remember what you said word for word. Even though you still sat in his bed, you weren’t sure if you should leave to and act like this night ever happened. 

Just from the thought of the embarrassment you could face made you quickly get out of his bed, finally seeing your scattered clothes in the daylight. As you slipped on your pants and grabbed your shirt, you scrambled to find your shoes at the same time before the deadbolt on the door unlocked.

Freezing, you were prepared for the worst case scenario– as optimistic as that sounded. But, Tom walked through the door, holding two brown bags in his arms. There was an instant aroma of fresh baked bread, and you were thrown off (to say the least).

“Hey, I hope you weren’t leaving just yet.” He jeered, and you took a breath of relief.

“Well, I thought I scared you off… honestly.” You trailed, trying to relax with the heat risen to your face already.

He smiled, “No, I actually got us some breakfast.” Tom grinned as he walked past you to go to his kitchen table.

You furrowed your eyebrow, thinking this was still a dream, but you turned around and he set one of the brown bags on the table.

“I got bagels, muffins… as many as you can think since I wasn’t sure what you liked or allergies. We didn’t really get to that last night.” He smirked, taking out a blueberry muffin for himself.

Chuckling, you walked over, placing your shoes by the chair and glanced into one of the bags. You couldn’t tell what was what, but there was a large assortment– but it was a bit cute that he didn’t just go for plain bagels or a basic banana walnut muffin.

“And then I got some apple juice, orange juice… but, I’ll judge you a bit if you wanted tomato.” He continued, setting a small bottle of orange juice next to the bag.

You sealed your lips, “Are these gluten free?... or you know, we’re made in an area where they were absolutely not touching animal products?” You asked, tilting your head a bit.

Tom paused mid-way through his bite, “...Why?” He asked with innocent.

“It’s just… I’m allergic to a lot and I can’t eat any of this.” You pouted, sighing as you gazed at the bags.

At first, Tom was going to offer any alternative before you giggled in a fit.

“I’m fucking with you… Can I have an everything bagel and apple juice, please?” You asked, smiling big and cheesy.

Tom chuckled, instantly relieved before getting what you asked. You walked over to him, kissing his cheek as he gave you your bagel then turned around to get butter out of his fridge. He was low on– well a lot– but at least there was half a stick of butter that looked decent with a half folded wrapper lazily around it.

“Hmm, maybe we can go on a grocery shopping trip. Think of it as a favor for teaching me how to ride a bike.” You joked, looking through some of the drawers for the utensils.

“The one all the way to the left, sweetheart.” Tom grinned.

You felt flustered at his small comment, but grabbed a butter knife once you got in the drawer. The two of you sat at his small, round kitchen table and you even had your legs on top of his lap as you leaned back in your chair. You weren’t going to lie that it was the best bagel you’d had in a while, but maybe, Tom being an added factor made it even more special.

As much as you two could talk about music, celebrities or movies, Tom wanted to make sure you were okay compared to what had happened last night. It could be an easy thing to brush off, but he wanted to reassure himself as to where your so-called relationship was headed.

“So, last night–” He mentioned, but already met with your head nodding.

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted to… talk about it.” You trailed, tapping your fingers against your apple juice bottle.

He nodded back, “No, I just want to make sure you’re feeling better. You don’t need to explain everything to me, but… I just want you to know that…” Tom trailed, leaning his elbows on the table and your heart was racing for the rest of his sentence.

“...I really like you. I do, and I don’t want you to think I’m stringing you along or there’s someone else. I want to make that clear.” Tom stated, dealing with those dilemmas– usually being on the receiving end of it than having to say it.

You tried to hold back your smile, but you leaned up and slowly kissed him. They weren’t words, but its all you could think of doing in that moment. He placed his hand on your cheek, just as he did last night when you were in the kitchen, and you brushed your nose against his before pulling back.

“I didn’t know if you could tell but, I like you a lot too.” You giggled, wanting to curl into a ball of embarrassment. It was sickening the overwhelming feeling pulling at your heart strings, constantly telling you that Tom is the one and you want that to be right so badly.

“Well, I wouldn’t want to consider last night our first date so, can I take you out today? Something that doesn't require a lesson and crediting the instructor?” 

God, He was incredibly cheeky. Not that you didn’t like it.

“Hmm, that sounds interesting. Is this another spontaneous night were going on?” You raised your eyebrows, seeming to know how to match his humor.

“Not spontaneous, but maybe by the water.” He suggested, already making you question what he had in mind within the past thirty seconds of joking.

You sighed, “Okay, now I can’t tell if you’re being serious. You’re not gonna take me to some underwater bar, right?” You asked, getting up from your seat and sitting right on his lap.

As you crossed one leg over the other, Tom put his arm around your back and hissed through his teeth, “I was thinking something more local. It’s supposed to actually be nice today, and I don’t think my paycheck covers underwater cafes.”

Pushing your brows together in confusion, you asked, “You have a job?”

He chuckled, “Did I not mention that?”

You sighed, “Well between the party and then coming here, I’m pretty sure we only know each other’s names, if I’m honest.”

“I know about your bike story and not trusting your mom. That counts as something, right?” He joked, but you rolled your eyes.

“Bet you don’t know my favorite color.” You persisted.

He twisted his lips, as if his eyes were scanning something inside your brain inorder to say the right answer.

“You strike me as a… gray lover.”

“Not even close.” You scrunched your nose.

Just as you were going to test him through the entire color system, your phone vibrated on the night stand. You knew you seemed to disappear last night, so you wanted to make sure there wasn’t some kind of alarm. 

As Tom cleaned up the table, you saw a notification from Sloane. It was a text, and after scanning your face, it read “You make it home okay? Or you were swept up?” She ended with an eye emoji.

You giggled, glancing over at Tom putting his dish in the sink.

“I’m okay.” You grinned as you typed it, “Hope you had fun too.” You typed and then a heart emoji. You didn’t want to completely disclose the whole story, as you were still under the impression that this was a dream.

*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ*

Riding on Tom’s bike was much less scary in the middle of the day. Not only was everyone in plain sight, but you had also gotten used to the feeling of being on it in the first place. Those butterflies went away and it was more of an adrenaline as you sped past cars, and not feeling like you were going to fall off every time Tom made a slight turn. Maybe, it had something to do with trusting him more, but you were still on the fence about that.

Somehow, you and Tom spent everyday together since that night. You packed enough clothes in your bag to spend nights with him, as well as borrowing Tom’s when you lounged around his apartment. It was like a small world where you didn’t worry about what anyone else thought for once in your life.

A small routine built over the time, like getting up, which side of the bed you preferred or even how you enjoyed your tea in the morning. Lunches and dinners were prepared from the groceries you bought in the beginning of the week and there were TV shows and movies you wouldn’t have thought of watching if Tom was so convincing about their plots (as he watched your favorite reality shows that he suddenly formed high opinions on).

Of course, the incredible sex was the cherry on top of this spontaneous fling. You weren’t sure if it was purely from being adventurous, but there wasn’t a place in his apartment where you didn’t have sex by that point. The both of you didn’t know how wrapped up about one another you could be that it would happen naturally, and not rushed or forced.

Everything was a little too perfect. So much that you had to stop yourself from asking the obvious questions as to why Tom wanted this. He thought about asking the same, but just like you, he didn’t want any chance of this ending.

Birds glided over the clouds and the spring weather was coming around the corner, already seeing color come back to the new leaves on trees and flowers were being planted around town. It was nice to go out together, not even sure if hand holding was apart of this relationship, but there was an occasion wrapping of each other's the arms.

This morning, you both found yourself feeling comfortable in Tom’s bed. The sun had just risen, and this time of the day was so peaceful knowing that it was just the start of the day for some. You tangled your legs with Tom, leaning onto him and he was sat up against the headboard.

Intertwining your fingers with Tom’s, you admired his tattoos running up his arm. You didn’t want to sound corny, but you wondered how he was able to come up with ideas for the art on his skin. Even though you could have sworn memorized the designs, there was a smaller empty spot on at the top of his forearm. There was a faded print there before, but you couldn’t make out the actual sketch.

“What was here?” You asked, softly pressing your finger on the spot.

He glanced, “Just got old.” Tom softly answered, his other arm wrapped around you, “It was one of my first too so, just wanted to cover it up or something.”

You nodded, “Have you thought about getting something over it?”

“Kind of. I’m not really sure what I’d get though…” Tom trailed, “Do you have any ideas?”

As you hummed, thinking about some ideas, “It should be something simple, but also means something to you.”

“Like what?” He smiled as your hand moved from his arm and down his bare chest and abdomen.

“I don’t know.” You giggled, grazing your nails by his obliques before you said, “What about your favorite animal?”

“Already have that.” He pointed at the tiger in one spot.

“Hmm, then what about something by one of your favorite artists?”

“Right here, babe.” Tom pointed at his left shoulder.

You scoffed, “Then maybe get my face tattooed.” You jokingly gave up, glancing up at him.

Tom smiled back at you, tucking your hair behind your ear, “Why don’t we compromise…”

“Like how?”

“Like you picking out my tattoo and I’ll pick out a tattoo for you.”

At first, you thought his suggestion was a joke, but there was the long pause that made you realize he was being serious. 

“No! What?” You chuckled, “I can’t get a… tattoo.”

He shrugged, “Why not?”

“Because it doesn’t match me. That’s the good thing about us. You have all the tattoos and I don’t.”

Tom furrowed his eyebrows at you, and you rolled your eyes, “Okay, I know that didn’t make sense, but I’m not going to admit I’m too chicken.”

He half-smiled before kissing your temple, “Do you want to do it?”

You thought about it, but you trusted him and it was something you had been wanting to do for a while. Having Tom in your life made you more optimistic– not about your life, but about how love works and how beautiful it could be.

“Yeah, I do… and I honestly feel the most safe doing it with you.” You admitted, wanting to hide your face away for him not to see you smitten.

Tom chuckled, “Do you trust me picking out your first tattoo?” 

You grinned, “Well, you seem to have good taste and I think I assume you wouldn’t have your face tattooed on my forehead.”

Tom rolled his eyes, “No, but I’d definitely get it tattooed on your neck.” He jeered, then left a trail of kisses up your neck then against your ear.

Just like you told Sloane, you really were okay. More than okay. More than ever.

[helloalycia]

The Wrong Lifetime – Five // Wanda Maximoff

chapter four | story masterlist | main masterlist | wattpad | chapter six

author’s note: dying of cramps but didn’t wanna leave y’all hanging, so enjoy! x

Taking Wanda to Blackpool was something I couldn't stop thinking about for the past three days.

I kept telling myself that I had to remain calm, not make her feel uncomfortable with my obvious attraction to her, and to give her the best day out considering she'd never been before. It wasn't anything more than a girl spending time with her soon-to-be sister-in-law, and I had to keep reminding myself that whenever I'd feel a stir of desire in my chest at the thought her pretty smile or intoxicating gaze.

My family were thrilled when they heard of my plans with Wanda. My parents were glad I was actually making an effort to get on with her, whilst my brother was excited I was becoming 'best friends', as he put it, with his fiancé. That one stung a little, the guilt pricking my insides, but I convinced myself that that was exactly what I was doing. It wasn't wrong if I didn't think of Wanda in any way but what she was. Right?

The weekend came around quickly enough, and on Saturday morning, I met with Wanda at the train station where she waiting for me with an enthusiastic smile.

"I brought my watercolours and sketchbook so I can paint what's there," she explained as we boarded the train. "I also bought a lot of pencils in case some snap. I'm gonna draw everything I see so I don't forget a single thing."

We slid into our seats and I smiled with admiration as she continued to ramble about all of the things she wanted to do today. She looked so lively when she spoke, her hands moving about frantically to express her excitement, and her lips permanently etched into a smile when she wittered on. I didn't mean to stare, but God, she looked beautiful.

"Thank you again for doing this," she finished, head turning to mine.

Now, I'd read and written many clichés of someone falling for someone else, particularly the moment they knew they were too far gone. It was hard to believe if they were true depictions of liking someone, but I liked reading and writing them.

It was now that I learnt that they were no exaggeration, for when she looked my way with a beaming smile and glowing green eyes, I knew it was too late. There was no going back for my attraction to Wanda.

"No need to thank me," I spoke slowly, surprised I could speak at all since she'd knocked the breath from my lungs. "I'm glad you're excited."

The journey was a few hours long and we made conversation the whole way. It was the longest I'd spent alone with her since meeting her and I was intrigued by everything she had to say, hanging onto every word with all of my attention. If that wasn't enough, her accent only made everything she said sound so much better. She was naturally soft-spoken, but syllables rolled off her tongue in a silky, raspy way with her accent entwined in her words. I loved it.

At one point, the topic of our families came up and I felt like my brother came up in almost every conversation I'd had with anyone who discussed family, so I took this as my opportunity to get to know hers instead.

"What's it like to have a twin?" I asked, leaning on my elbow as I watched her attentively.

She mirrored my action playfully, though answered my question. "It's just like having a normal sibling, except they're way more annoying."

I smiled, imaging just how annoying Pietro could be as a sibling.

"I love Pietro, but he's very frustrating at times," she spoke with a hint of endearment. "He constantly throws it in my face that's he's older than me by twelve minutes. As if that makes a difference."

A chuckle flew from my lips as she pouted at her own words.

"But he's also my best friend," she said with a sigh, like that fact was irritating in itself. "He knows me better than anyone and he's the easiest person for me to talk to. I don't have to hide anything from him." She paused, glancing upwards in thought. "Well, almost anything."

Pursing my lips, I wondered what she meant as she mumbled the last part, but didn't question it. Everyone was entitled to their secrets.

"So, you and your family moved to England when you were kids, right?" I tried to recall what my parents had told me of them. "From Sokovia."

"Yes, we were about..." She scrunched up her nose as she tried to remember. "Eight years old, I think?"

"Wow, that's young," I realised.

She hummed in agreement, smile fading as her eyes fell to her hands. "Yeah... I don't remember much, but there was a lot of unrest at the time. A war. It was dangerous for everyone and my parents were lucky to get us out when they did."

I frowned, knowing some of this already, but it was sadder to hear when it was coming from Wanda herself.

"Our extended family didn't make it out," she continued to explain, voice quieter. "I didn't know them much, my parents' siblings, so it's not that sad for me. Pietro, too. But it's strange to think, you know? Especially when all of your family are around with this wedding and–" She sighed, shaking her head and looking to me with an apologetic smile. "Sorry, I didn't mean to bring the mood down."

I straightened up, reassuring her instantly. "Wanda, you don't need to apologise. It's okay. I... I didn't know any of that. I'm glad you told me."

She nodded, though the regret was still present in her gaze.

"I'm sorry all of that happened," I expressed honestly, not looking away. "But I'm glad you're here, if it makes a difference. You– your family are good people."

A small, appreciative smile graced her lips. "Thank you."

I shrugged, trying to brush it off so she wouldn't notice the heat rising up my neck. "It's nothing... so Sokovia. You speak Russian and English. That's pretty bloody cool."

She laughed wholeheartedly and any hint of sadness disappeared from her face, reassuring me completely. I didn't like to see her sad, especially when there was nothing I could do to make her feel better that I knew of.

"I promise to teach you some Russian today," she said with amusement. "A few words, just to diversify your vocabulary."

"Gee, thanks."

Another laugh escaped her and I chewed on my lip to contain my grin. I could get used to that sound.

—

When we reached Blackpool, Wanda was radiating with excitement. We couldn't make it two steps anywhere before she whipped out her sketchbook and began to sketch. She wasn't kidding when she said she was going to capture everything she saw.

I was patient, since the reason we came was for her, and watched as she worked. It was cute, seeing her concentrate and trying to stop dancing around with excitement every time I showed her something new.

We walked along the promenade and dipped in and out of the shops, looking at the gifts and clothes they sold. We bought a few things to commemorate the trip, but then Wanda was quick to drag me back outside so she could sketch the view of the beach from where we were stood. The grin on her face was convincing enough for me to let her drag me wherever she wanted. She looked so happy and I didn't care about anything else.

Eventually, around lunchtime, we headed to a café to have a break from all the excitement. Or rather, a break from running around. For Wanda, it was a better opportunity to sit still and sketch some more.

"So, you're drinking what, Y/N?" she asked, not looking up from her sketches as she worked.

I looked at my tea and lowered the cup. "Er, tea?"

"In Russian," she instructed.

"Oh." I cleared my throat, remembering what she taught me earlier. "Chay."

"And what's in the chay?" she asked, lifting her eyes to meet mine patiently. "The milk?"

"Moloko," I remembered, and the proud smile on her face reassured me I was correct. My shoulders relaxed as I returned her smile. "Thanks."

"You're a natural," she assured me, before looking back to her sketchbook. "I only taught you the words. You remembered it yourself. And before you know it, ty budesh' govorit' polnymi predlozheniyami na russkom."

My mouth opened with confusion, not knowing what she said. She seemed to realise as she chuckled at my expression.

"Never mind, milaya (darling)," she said with humoured eyes, before resuming her sketching.

I breathed out, taking another sip of my tea before grabbing a fork to dig into my pasta. As I chewed, I watched Wanda move her pencil effortlessly, creating lines that somehow resulted in a perfect drawing of the horizon.

"Do you only draw and paint landscapes?" I asked curiously.

"I can do portraits, too," she answered with a nod, glancing at me. "But they're never as good."

I gave her a knowing look. "I doubt that."

She merely smiled in response, eyes meeting mine for a moment, before shaking her head with amusement and looking back to her sketches. I chuckled, leaving her to it as I enjoyed my lunch and read the newspaper.

It was nice to just sit and enjoy each other's company as we did our own thing. I'd occasionally glance up to see Wanda focused on her drawing and smile, allowing myself to appreciate the sight, before looking back down to the paper and enjoying my pasta.

By the time I finished my food, as had Wanda, she straightened up and tore a page from her sketchbook. The noise pulled me from my reading and I looked up to see her holding the paper towards me.

I quirked a brow, but she simply shook the paper, signalling for me to take it. With confusion, I took it and became speechless when I saw what she'd drawn. It was me reading the paper, the exact view she must have had from being sat opposite me. It looked exactly like me, probably better since I knew I didn't look that good, and I was amazed at her talent all over again.

"You did this just now?" I asked with disbelief, looking up at her.

She shrugged and distracted herself with her pencil. "Yeah, it's not much. It's not my specialty."

I scoffed. "You're kidding. Wanda, this is amazing!"

Bashful smile on her lips, she glanced up at me. "Maybe it's the best portrait I've done. But I think that's down to my subject."

Even when she was embarrassed, she was still capable of turning the tables on me, leaving me a flustered mess. It was like her superpower. A very annoyingly cute superpower.

"That's what you look like y'know," she continued, nodding to the paper in my hand. "When you're focused on reading. You chew your lip with thought. And you get this little crease–" she pointed between her brows with a laugh, "–right here, and you seem to forget that anything else exists."

A sweet smile spread on her face as she tilted her head, watching me with intimidating eyes, very much aware of the effect her words had on me.

"You're very observant," I said, trying not to stutter, her gaze making me nervous. "Perfect skill for an artist."

She hummed in agreement, though didn't look away. "Mere artistic observation, right?"

My heart was hammering in her chest the longer she stared, especially when her words dawned on me. I'd said the exact same thing after she confronted me about picking her ring. I wondered if she could hear my heart pounding in my ears.

Just like the first time I saw her, I was at a loss for words and couldn't look away. She was compelling, beautiful and remarkable all at once.

—

"Nebo," I said, hoping it was the correct word for 'sky' in Russian, as Wanda had taught me.

She grinned. "Yes! And horizon?"

I pulled a face as I thought carefully. "Er...gorizont?"

"The student is soon to become the master," she said, and I rolled my eyes, knowing that was anything but the truth. I appreciated her encouragement though.

"Okay, before we head to the beach, we have to buy some rock," I told her, leading her to the stall on the promenade. "I got it last time and it's so good."

She furrowed her brows. "What's that?"

I smiled at her expression. "It's a sweet. Kind of like boiled sugar that's formed into a stick of, well, rock."

She didn't seem convinced. "If you say it's good, I trust you, I guess..."

I laughed, grabbing her hand and tugging her to the stall. "You'll love it."

After getting two sticks of rock for Wanda and I, we began to walk to the sand. I glanced at the brunette, wanting to see her reaction. She eyed the hard candy before attempting to bite it, a small piece breaking off at the top. Crunching on it, she scrunched her nose up.

"It's hard," she noted, swallowing the piece. "Tasty, though."

"It's better if you suck on it, love," I let her know with a hidden smile. "Tastes much better."

She did as I said, beginning to suck on the top, and seemed to enjoy it more. Giving me a thumbs up as she sucked it, I couldn't help but laugh again. She looked adorable, so I left her to it and did the same as we walked along the sand and towards the benches in the distance.

Like a child experiencing something for the first time, she began to point excitedly at Blackpool Tower and the ferris wheel in the distance and I just kept nodding along, letting her get excited because it made my heart skip a beat every time she flashed me a smile.

When we reached the benches, I was glad that today wasn't a busy day. It wasn't exactly tourist season, so the beach was scarce of anyone but residents of the town. And even then, our side of the beach was pretty empty, giving us first dibs on a bench that wasn't broken or uncomfortable.

Settling on it, Wanda pulled her legs up and sat cross-legged so she could lean on them and pull out her watercolours. I sat beside her and leaned back, inhaling the salty air and exhaling peacefully. I never had much reason to visit here apart from when my parents took my brother and I on the occasional trip, but it was nice to appreciate the sound of the ocean washing over the sand and the seagulls squawking in the sky. A big difference compared to back home.

Another silence formed between us as she painted the water ahead, and I couldn't help but glance her way, watching her pucker her lips with concentration. All she'd wanted was this and I was glad I could finally give it to her.

So she wouldn't notice, I looked away and stared out at the blue expanse of ocean before me. I should have been appreciating its beauty, but all I could think about was how it was no contest to the girl sat beside me.

"I'm really glad you brought me here today," she said out of the blue after a while, "but I wouldn't have said yes if I'd known you would be bored."

I looked to her and saw she was still preoccupied by her painting. "I'm not bored. We came here so you could see the water and find some new subjects to paint. And that's exactly what we're doing."

She sighed, looking up at me with a questioning glance.

Smiling reassuringly, I said, "I like the quiet. And I like watching you work. You look happy. It's good to see."

She tensed her jaw, stifling a smile, but her eyes said it all. She was grateful. Of course, her eyes were also very easy to get lost in, even if she didn't mean for me to. And right now, under the sun, I found myself drowning in pools of blue.

"What are you thinking?" she asked quietly, a hint of a smile on her face.

Stupidly, I felt compelled to tell her the truth. "I'm thinking about how you have really pretty eyes."

Attempting to make me flustered yet again, her favourite hobby by now I was guessing, she raised a brow teasingly. "Oh, really?"

It didn't bother me this time though, as I maintained eye contact and felt my heart swelling with adoration. "Yes. It's like you hold all the elements in a single gaze."

Her smile faded and that's when I realised what I'd said, my heart dropping to my stomach in an instant. Swallowing hard, I looked away and shook my head. An apology was waiting on the tip of my tongue when she spoke with realisation.

"It was you."

I glanced her way nervously. "What was?"

She was staring like her mind was working something out and I was the missing piece. "The letter that Y/B/N gave me last week. He wrote the exact same thing. What you just said."

My brows knitted together with confusion, then it hit me. The love letter Y/B/N wrote. The one he assured me was for his own eyes. He'd given it to her. And I'd just gone and said the exact thing he'd written on it, no doubt passing it off as is his own words.

"Th–that wasn't me," I got out, shaking my head slowly. "I didn't even know he gave you a letter, Wanda."

She continued to watch me, eyes squinting with scepticism. I swallowed hard under her gaze, trying to think of how I could come back from this. But apparently I didn't have to, because she suddenly leaned forward and pressed her lips to mine.

My mind was foggy when her fingers rested behind my neck, tugging me closer. I closed my eyes, melting at her touch, and began to kiss her back, moving my lips against hers. She was slow and gentle with me, her lips as soft as they looked and sending the butterflies in my stomach into a frenzy. I could have kissed her forever and been content, but my brain finally caught up to my actions and I reluctantly pulled away, stunned.

Glancing around to make sure nobody saw us – there was literally nobody here – I caught my breath and looked back to Wanda. Her eyes were drawn to my lips before they flickered to meet mine, darkened with desire.

"Why did you do that?" was all I could think to ask, and I was acutely aware of her fingers still grasping my neck, the skin burning where her tips grazed.

She licked her swollen lips, expression softening. "I think I've been falling for the wrong Y/L/N."

My lips pressed together, missing the feeling of hers against them. Never in a million years did I expect her to say something like that. I thought she'd been teasing me this whole time, but now, maybe there was truth to her actions.

"Did you really mean what you said?" she asked apprehensively.

"What?"

She swallowed. "What you said about my eyes. Did you mean it?"

Well, she'd kissed me, so there was no going back now.

I nodded, noticing the hesitance in her eyes. "Yes... you're beautiful, Wanda."

She didn't say anything and the silence was deafening. I almost wanted to run back home and pretend this never happened, but that was the cowardly side of me. The other side, the disbelieving side, wanted to stay here with her and keep living in this little bubble we'd created.

"Can I kiss you again?" she finally spoke, eyes flickering between mine for confirmation.

Not trusting myself to speak, I nodded slowly, and she didn't waste another second as she leaned in once again. This time, I wasn't so surprised, so I kissed her back quickly, trying not to think about how wrong this was. How I'd been taught that this was wrong. Because I refused to believe this was wrong, that it was a sin, when it felt so damn right.

Wanda felt right.

—

When I got home later that afternoon, I couldn't stop myself from smiling.

Wanda was all that was on my mind. Everything about her was floating around up there – the contagiousness of her smile, the brightness of her eyes, the taste of her lips. When I left this morning, I wasn't expecting to return with– well, I wasn't sure what we were, but we'd decided to give whatever this was a go.

Of course, she was still engaged to my brother, but I tried not to think about that. She made me happy and maybe in a different lifetime we could have been together, but this was the wrong lifetime which meant I'd have to make some wrong decisions, this possibly being one of them.

The guilt was still present, but the adoration I had for Wanda overpowered it. The fact that she actually liked me back was too thrilling for me to even concern myself with the lack of future this relationship would have. I just wanted to enjoy what we had whilst we had it, even if it meant being together in secret.

"So, how did your trip go?" my mum asked me when I returned, looking up from her knitting.

I stifled my grin the best I could. "It was fun. Wanda loved the seaside."

My mother seemed pleased as she smiled my way. "Y/N, that's great. You know, I'm really proud of you for making an effort with her. It means a lot to everyone."

"Mhm."

"She's going to be your sister-in-law after all," she continued knowingly, "so it's good you're spending time with her. Maybe you could do it more."

I hummed in agreement, my heart fluttering at the possibility of spending more time with Wanda. "Yeah, that could be good."

"Go on upstairs, you must be tired from the travelling," she said after a moment, noticing my distant headspace. "I'm glad you had fun today."

Wanda's smile appeared in my mind again, her lips ghosting my own. I sighed contently.

"Me, too."

[redxblueihateloveyou]

hello! since i haven't read the dmbj novels yet (i've only watched the shows and the rest i know through fandom osmosis like all of us atp lol) i've been wondering. correct me if i'm wrong, but i've seen you mentioning that at one point wu xie actually realizes to some extent that his feelings about xiaoge are romantic and i'm curious about when? is this in the restart novel or did i miss something major in reboot? i got the impression from others that while npss is as close to saying pingxie is canon as you can get without outright saying it, it's still not a thing in the books technically speaking so if that's not the case i'm really curious

Hi!! <3 Haha what do you mean "without outright saying it", what else is there to say? lol

The rest I know through fandom osmosis.. lmao I felt that. Thats how it started for me too, now I fell somewhere too deep in some junkie pit xD

The moment I was talking about is when Wu Xie started having as he mentioned several dreams about Xiaoge taking a role of his husband life partner in some customs, and how pictures of these were "romantic" to him. That was the first time he used this word to describe it and was like "why why did this word appear in my head". Again it doesn't mean that before that in the books there were no hints to that or that he wasn't in love with him for some time already by then, just meaning that it was the first time his brain caught up to his heart and he finally "admitted" it to himself for what it is. (Bc to me in good love stories you can't pinpoint the exact moment someone falls in love, only the exact moment they accept it as a fact and their brain settles about it xD).

If I remember correctly in some extra bit Wu Xie doesn't remember when these dreams started, only that it was somewhere after Xiaoge left for 10 years. All of Wu Xie's romantic thoughts are dark AS FUCK for some reason (well, like we know why.. all considering, but still lol), but the start of it was when he saw in his dream Xiaoge accompaning him to death, which is what Npss sneakily added to Reboot in that "coma sequence" (thats Wu Xie's romance language lmfao).

And also as much as the books are just not that kind of genre, in my personal opinion, I don't see how they can be considered "technically not a thing" xD. Like yeah, it's not any gooey relationship-y scenes, but they still have their romantic tropes moments, that are way too obvious even without that Wu Xie's speech (like the moment he mentioned it isn't any wow-wow moment, I already knew that xD). Like in the Restart part all of his thoughts about Xiaoge just become to say very.. naked. And quite impossible to interpret in any other way. It's just basically a suffering of a man, who thinks that his feelings can't be returned, not just in general, but also bc of who they are and bc he's dying.

Bc like I've said before to me all the books are split into "getting to know each other" part, "why do I feel that. I don't wanna. what is this?" part, "I know, but I'm too angry and sad rn to process this" part and finally Restart, where he already accepted the fact that he's in love with him, just thinks he can't be with him.

In previous books there are still moments for example like when Xiaoge is looking at him for too long and Wu Xie goes like "oh is there smth on my face?" lol you know those kind of things. Where his turtle brain is just still not there and he doesn't see it in a relationship-y way. After 10 years all his thoughts are like "pls stay with me forever, look at me forever, lets get married, have a nice house somewhere" lmao

There are also lots of notes and traditional stuff and etc throughout the books that are explained by fans that I keep gathering (I dig those, bc its hella fascinating to me how they can do super gay when others don't think much of some moments xD). I feel like I've learned like so many chinese (also tibetan too xD) cultural things, that I haven't even during my MDZS craze. This fandom is pretty crazy (in a great way I mean).

Problem with Reboot (I mean the series) is that I'm still not sure I got everything lmao. Like I do not get how, but it keeps resurfacing and I keep reading all these like "oh...OH.. OHHHH" xDDD (and okay this is not that important, but still no matter how obsessively I'm watching, where the fuck am I supposed to see water packaging with my great -6 sight? lmao). And some stuff is just plain hard cause I just can't catch the "word play".

Besides all the covered up scenes stuff and music, about romantic implications... there's things like when Xiao Bai talks about stars and for example, after Wu Xie tells her about missing Xiaoge it's a throwback to the oldest Chinese legend of the lovers separated by a Milky Way, Vega and Altair, who were deeply in love but only allowed to see each other once a year for one night when one of them is on the verge of dying from grief, and in a tandem with Deneb these two stars form an infamous triangle constellation (I mean, I don't think that leaves much stuff for interpretation really xD). And again peanut scene is also not a peanut scene. There's lots of hidden cuteness there, but the "afterlife" scene just hits different for sure lol.

So anyways even without the "romantic" piece, it's too obvious in the books. But I mean if you REALLY REALLY need this word for some proof, it's there in one place. But then also like why. I mean there's a reason in China they're on the same level (actually above from what I've seen) as all of their other great BLs. Like just cause they din't say I love yous with those particular words (they got better ones) or kissed (yeah yeah breath of life doesn't count lol), doesn't mean they're not as canon. I don't think Npss ever actually was like "its that but not quite that" or being any particulary covert about the nature of their relationships. And that fact that he kinda "didn't mean for them to fall in love, it just naturally happened" is to me the reason why their love story is so iconic now lol.

P.S. also I feel like it's pretty easy to get the moment in the books when you just know. Cause they're both the type of ppl who are "relationships don't interest me at all in this world" (like literally full on zero, no thanks) but then suddenly there's a moment when they're very interested in everything with each other lol. And if with Qiling I mean its obvious that with his past and everything its just pretty impossible to gain his trust or respect in general and to make him fall in love as NPSS said only Wu-Xie-Mr-Extraordinary could, and its all understandable. But Wu Xie's part is just so funny to me bc he treats his feelings like "ok what is this bizarre animal"? xDD

[pretoriafics]

Runaway: A Teenage Dream alternative version

Hi! Well, I know a lot of you guys have been requesting me a part 2 of Teenage Dream (And it will come soon), but I simply had this idea. I was been addicted to daydreaming playlists on YouTube lately, and I found one who let me pretty inspired. All the links will be in the fic.

Notes: This is not Part 2 of Teenage Dream. It's just an alternative version, okay?

Derek just found a playlist on YouTube that shows him his soulmate from a faraway dimension: you. Now, he is determined to bring you to him. Word count: 1.712 Pairings: Different Dimension!Reader x Derek; Contain: It's pretty romantic, I guess; AU Soulmate Warnings: SONGFIC!!; English is not my main language <3; Inappropriate language Teenage Dream one-shot TEEN WOLF MASTERLIST

It was a cold and rainy night. Stiles and Scott just came out of Derek's loft. It was complicated to deal with them sometimes, with all that teenage stubbornness and stupidity in supernatural stuff. Without mention of the troubles they caused to Derek. Come on, they made him a wanted criminal!

His life is reduced to run away from some kind of threat to keep his survival. Derek was an eternal runaway, and he was starting to get tired of this shit. He can't even remember what home is anymore or how it is to not fear for his own life. Peace was an unknown thing for him.

Derek approaches his laptop on the table - where Scott was before. The werewolf sat on the chair in front of it, ready to turn it off, but he sees something that catches his attention. YouTube was open and in the video suggestions was a video called "a playlist for your soulmate in a faraway reality".

Well... Daydreaming playlists wasn't his thing. However, he was curious and tired. If that playlist would make him calm his nerves and relax, he would listen to it.

Derek clicks on it, and the first song fills the room: Runaway, by Aurora.

I was listenin' to the ocean I saw a face in the sand But when I picked it up Then it vanished away from my hands, down

Tired, Derek stands up from the chair and lays down on the couch. He closes his eyes, just feeling the music and all the stress running away from his body. The music, the rain outside... Yeah, it was comfy. It was... good.

I had a dream I was seven Climbing my way in a tree I saw a piece of heaven Waiting, impatient, for me, down

There, with his closed eyes, he just could hear that song and the rain outside. Suddenly the rain stops, and the music is the only sound that fills the room. The last Hale opens his eyes and finds out different things at his loft: He can't see anything outside. Everything was dark there. His loft was dark too, with weak lights and several light particles floating around the room.

What the hell?

And I was running far away Would I run off the world someday? Nobody knows, nobody knows And I was dancing in the rain I felt alive and I can't complain

It was like his loft was moved to a different place. Even with all his knowledge about the supernatural, that kind of phenomenon was new to him. He never heard anything that could seem like that. Suddenly, Derek heard a female voice singing with the music.

But now take me home Take me home where I belong I can't take it anymore

A cloud of golden dust started to unite at a specific point of the room, and you start to taking form. You were distracted, sitting in a chair with a book in your hands and a laptop close to you. When Derek stares at your laptop, he sees the exact same playlist he was hearing. Sure! Certainly was something pretty weird with that playlist. It was showing him you, a girl he never saw before. You were translucid, almost shining gold. And you were the most beautiful creature he had ever seen.

It was love at first sight.

I was painting a picture The picture was a painting of you And for a moment I thought you were here But then again, it wasn't true, down

You look up from the book with wide eyes, scared. Your eyes run to the playlist on your laptop. Well, you and Derek connected the dots on your minds before staring at each other again. Seems like the playlist in fact showed your soulmate from a different reality. A faraway one. You gave him a smile, and he gave it back to you.

"Can you hear me?" You said, looking at him.

"Yeah. Can you hear me?"

"Yeah!"

And all this time I have been lying Oh, lying in secret to myself I've been putting sorrow on the farthest place on my shelf

Derek gave a step forward to you, memorizing each detail of you.

"What's your name?"

"(Y/N). Yours?"

"Derek."

Your eyes got widen again. Oh, holy crap.

"Hale?" You asked in urgency. He looks at you, surprised.

"Yeah. Do you know me?"

"You are one of my favorite fictional characters. You are literally part of my teenage."

Oh, wow. So, he was a fictional character in another reality! It was creepy and funny at the same time. Derek stares at the laptop of yours, looking at the title of that playlist.

A playlist for your soulmate in a far-away reality.

Hm. He stares at you.

"So..." Derek cross his arms in front of his chest, looking at you "Seems like the part of your teenage is your soulmate in a far-away reality. Do you think this is accurate? Because I think it is."

You felt your cheeks burning, and your stomach froze.

"I think it sounds right."

And I was running far away

Would I run off the world someday?

Nobody knows, nobody knows

And I was dancing in the rain

I felt alive and I can't complain

You gave him a smile, the most beautiful one he had ever seen. Wanting to feel your skin, Derek reaches out his hand on yours, trying to touch you. However, his fingers pass over on your skin. He can't touch you. Upset, he let out a long sigh.

"I think you're too far away."

You are upset as well. You always felt things when you looked at him on your TV, but you always thought it was just a crush that everyone has in some fictional characters. But now you know that, no, it wasn't just a silly crush on a fictional character. Deep in your subconscious, you knew he was destined for you.

"What can we do to solve this?"

"I don't know, but I'll find a way."

Derek looked at each book and talked to every witch he knew. He heard an ancient legend with one of them, that said that, sometimes, the universe opens a bridge to different dimensions. Many werewolves find out their soulmate this way. That playlist was a cosmic event, the universe trying to unite two lost souls.

Then, he finally found a book. An ancient and rare one.

He almost didn't sleep lately. Eager to stay with you, Derek couldn't help but translate each page until he finally could find a way to bring you to him. Sometimes, he was listening to that playlist on YouTube just to see you. You were almost melting in pure love just seeing how hard he was working to stay with you. Runaway by Aurora was filling the loft.

But now take me home Take me home where I belong I got no other place to go Now take me home Take me home where I belong I got no other place to go Now take me home Take me home where I belong I can't take it anymore But I kept running for a soft place to fall And I kept running for a soft place to fall

"Do you found out something?" You asked, looking at him with your eyes full of hope. Runaway by Aurora was filling the loft.

Derek denied, flustred.

"Nothing yet."

"Maybe It's impossible..."

He swallowed hard. Stubborn, he denied. He can't believe it was impossible. There's a way, and he was sure about it! It should have.

"No. It should have a way to bring you."

There, sat at his chair and translating that book, Derek was determined. He simply can't lose you, his peace point. He belongs to you.

And I was running far away Would I run off the world someday?

And then, Derek finally found it! Seems like a simple spell to him. All he needs to do is to pronounce the words with the bridge - which means the playlist - open. He looks at you with a shine of hope in his eyes.

"I think I found it."

Oh Gosh. You felt your stomach froze in anxiety.

"Are you sure?"

"It's my best bet." His green eyes stare at you. "Are you sure you want to stay here? With me?"

You gave him a gentle smile while holds your own hands, playing with your fingers.

"Yeah. I mean, I'm just tired of running from all the shit around here."

He gave you a smile as well. Derek knew that feeling. Hoping that the spell works, he stands up from his chair with the book in his hand. With the best Latin he knows, he pronounces the words of the spell, and you feel shivers all around your body. The sparkly dust seems to be sparkly and luminous than ever, and the darkness outside gives place to the view of the streets.

But now take me home Take me home where I belong I got no other place to go Now take me home Take me home where I belong I got no other place to go

Your body was losing the golden shine, and stepwise the natural tones of your skin were being revealed. Derek's loft was showing itself for you, and you felt your body starting to get warm again. And, done: You was now at his loft. Physically. His voice got silenced, and the only sound you could listen to was Aurora's voice on Runaway.

Derek couldn't believe you were really there, in front of him. Almost without air on his lungs, he put the book on the table and reaches his hand on yours. A large smile was born on his lips when he felt your skin. You felt your cheeks burning at his touch. Wow. You can't believe this!

He pulls you close to him by embracing your waist, and all you could do is smile. You rest one of your hands on his chest while the other one gives him a gentle caress on his face. Without contain himself anymore, Derek puts a soft kiss on your lips. And it felt so right.

It felt like the place where he belongs to.

[nonstoplover]

protagonist ~ joe liebgott (band of brothers)

my masterlist  |  my hbo war masterlist

pairing: joe liebgott x female reader

short summary: joe's assigned to search for the perfect house for easy's hq in the new town they'll soon arrive to on their way through germany and finds one with a girl in there who's like the protagonist of one of the comics he's read - courageous, fearless, heroic.

words: 2.5K

a/n: first of all, sorry for disappearing, exam season has started at my uni and i've been hella busy these past weeks (and gonna be for the following few as well,  u g h ).

anyway this fic came around from a conversation i had with the lovely @now-im-a-belieber when i was telling her about an idea i had and she technically came up with the base of this. thank you, Pearl, i love you xx (i hope i did justice to your idea)

oh and let's just say i have no clue if this would have been possible, at least the exact way i wrote it.

taglist: @how-are-those-nuts-sarge @50svibes @pennyllanne @nowinnablewar

gif credit: @basilone

Four loud bangs sound against her front door right as she starts washing the dishes after they finished lunch. With her eyes widening in surprise she rushes back into the room, telling the family of three to hide as she's drying her hands in her apron before making her way to the door.

After taking a deep breath she grabs the handle and opens it. The next thing she knows is being pushed to the side as a figure storms in past her without a word. A gasp leaves her lungs as her back lightly collides with the wall, head turning to watch as the soldier barges in the house.

What is going on? Has someone found out about them?

With a hand reaching behind her back she pushes herself off the wall and hurries behind the man. Trying hard to sound completely calm and innocent she asks him what is going on, but he only barks back something almost inaudible - only a few German words reach her ears.

The soldier is moving with such speed that she hasn't got a single chance to get a better look at his uniform as he's entering every room one by one. Who is he? Worry swiftly floods her veins - more importantly, what is he looking for?

She can only pray the family has had enough time to properly hide.

As he reaches that door, she holds her breath back, repeating her little prayer like a mantra inside her head. The man comes to a sudden halt just as he steps through the doorframe and in an instant fear makes her blood turn freezing cold. She carefully moves closer to glance inside next to his body, not knowing what to expect.

And what she sees makes everything else in her mind disappear - just the thoughts of all hell breaking loose any time now move around inside.

Her best friend crouches on the other side of the room, clearly frozen mid-movement as her body is still half out of the hiding spot, eyes wide as she stares at the soldier, not a single muscle moving. It's like everyone's got frozen in time, none of the three people makes a move.

Liebgott's mind slow to catch up to what he sees - he didn't expect to see that as he rushed through the house. He's only been trying to decide whether it's a good place for Easy's HQ, as he has been ordered to do when Winters sent him ahead of the company.

His eyes then start moving around the room, trying hard to find a good reason as to why that girl is half inside the wall. A book is laying on the table next to the door, open at around the middle. With one glance at the pages he recognises the letters of the hebrew alphabet, and suddenly it all makes sense.

She's a Jew.

His breath hitches in his throat as he struggles to comprehend this new information, and just in that very moment the silence is broken by a voice. And it's not coming from either of the two girls in the room - more like it's coming from inside the wall.

One simple sentence, ending with a Yiddish term of endearment - one he can perfectly understand. It came from a woman, asking the girl crouching facing him from across the room why she's stopped moving.

There are more Jews in there.

His lungs fill with a sharp breath he's taken and he spins around, staring straight at the girl who opened the front door only minutes prior. The question must be clear in his eyes as she starts stammering in defense, her voice audibly shaking.

Joe shakes his head, stopping her mid-sentence. "No, they're Jews, I can see it," he says in perfect German, and the already pale girl suddenly seems even whiter.

He swiftly grabs her arm and pulls her in the direction he remembers finding the dining room in, trying to find a chair for her to sit down on, as she's visibly close to fainting - though the reason behind it he can't find.

(y/n) flinches with utter fear, weakly trying to resist being pulled away - he most probably is now taking her away to kill her, right? He's a German soldier, that's what his job is. But no matter how hard she tries to wiggle away, his grip is too tight around her arm and she can't do a thing.

Just when they arrive to the dining room and he kind of pushes her into one of the chairs is when Joe realises that she's scared of him - she immediately pushes the chair further away from him as soon as he lets go of her. So that's why she's shaking so bad.

"No, wait, don't be scared," he rushes to say. "I'm a Jew too."

This finally breaks the scaredness - instead her eyes fill with utter confusion. Her forehead wrinkles as she tries to make sense of what he's saying. How can a German soldier be Jewish? It makes absolutely no sense.

With a sudden wave of suspicion she moves her glance down to his uniform, examining every detail she can lay her eyes upon.

Is he not German?!

Suddenly she can see differences - details about his uniform that she's never seen on a German soldier before, and she's seen her fair share of those in the past years.

But if he's not German, who is he and what is going on?

She takes a still shaky breath and looks back up into his eyes - seeing the waiting expression on his face as he's standing there in patient silence for her to say something.

"Are you-" Her voice cracks mid-sentence. It's not good. She clears her throat and tries again. "Are you German?"

All of a sudden he bursts out laughing - so loud, and somehow so dark that her eyes widen once again. She just can't decide if it's from fear again, or only surprise.

A minute or so goes by with nothing but Joe laughing - this must be one of the most hilarious things he's heard in the past couple years. That he is a German.

Then his laughter finally quietens down to slight chuckling and he speaks up once more to confirm the truth. "No, of course not," he shakes his head in amusement. One look in her eyes tells him that somehow she still has no clue about his nationality, so he opens his lips again to give an answer to her question in advance. "I'm American. Don't worry, you're not in trouble for that," Joe points back in the direction of the room with the hiding spot above his shoulder.

A loud sigh escapes her lungs, her shoulder visibly falling a bit as she slumps more into the chair. It feels like years worth of stress and nervousness have just come to an end - it's truly like an enormous stone has rolled down from her chest and shoulders. She somehow feels free again for the first time in years.

Relief completely replaces the worry and fear in her veins as all other thoughts leave her mind. She's not gonna die. At least not today.

"They're Jewish," the soldier speaks again - and it's not a question. More like a statement.

(y/n) nods, unable to say a word as she's still overwhelmed with her new feelings.

"You're hiding them?"

She just raises an eyebrow, and Joe mentally slaps himself - what a stupid question. He could've might as well just asked her the colour of the wall.

"Since when you've been hiding them?" He corrects his question.

"Ever since the whole thing has started," she answers, her voice so quiet it almost disappears in the air between them.

"Wow," Liebgott breathes out before he can stop himself. He stares at the girl in disbelief. She looks so innocent and young - she's probably one or two years younger than him. How could she pull off something such a thing? Such a dangerous and pretty reckless thing?

"Esther is my best friend, she's been ever since we were little kids, they all are like a second family to me, I've spent most of my days with them," (y/n) explains, the relief causing her to ramble and Joe - for about the first time in his life has to struggle to keep up with the German words that come flying out past her lips. "I just had to help them, you know. I couldn't just leave them here."

"Where's your own family?"

"My parents left to France to be further away from the chaos, and my brother joined the Luftwaffe, and since then I haven't heard from none of them."

"Why didn't you leave with your parents as well?" The young soldier keeps asking, moving closer to the table and sitting down on a chair on the opposite side, facing her. Pushing his M1's strap down his shoulder he places the weapon on the table, pushing it only a little further in order to calm the girl more. He knows he probably shouldn't do this - and keep Winters waiting, but he's too curious to stop himself, he has to hear the rest of her story.

"I love this town, I was born and raised here," she shrugs as if it's obvious. "But more importantly, I didn't want to leave and let innocent people like my best friend's family suffer. I wanted to stay and fight back as good as I could."

Joe subconsciously mumbles under his breath before he can stop himself - words that praise her absolute bravery, words that give away his true feelings he suddenly feels towards her - then he has to move his gaze away from her, fearing that she sees the embarrassment in his eyes. He tries hard to think of another question while also trying hard to forget the look of the half-smiling expression that took over her face just a moment before - it does nothing good for his heart.

"Did you make that hidden room yourself?" He asks in the end, thinking back to what he saw in the room.

"Oh," she giggles - and it's the prettiest sound he's heard in a very long time. "No, my father made it when me and my brother were young and often played hide and seek. I just improved it a little so they can fit in more comfortably."

Liebgott hums, not knowing how to tell her - or if he should even tell her in the first place - how absolutely super impressed she left him with every single thing she's told him and what he's seen. It's one of the craziest things he has ever heard, and he had a fair share of unbelievable stories told to him in his life. He simply couldn't even imagine how on Earth this girl could manage to do this - and not get caught. Throughout the whole war.

In that very moment he swiftly decides that he'll go and find another house for the HQ, and that he'll somehow get back to this particular one, no matter what it takes. He wants to get to know her better. He has to get to know her better.

She's the most incredible woman he's ever heard of, read about or met. She's a woman who fits in the stories of the comics he's been reading his whole life - as the protagonist, the hero. He can't leave this town without hearing more about her, seeing her face more. That would be the biggest regret of his whole life, he can already tell.

But for now, he has to leave. It wouldn't be a good idea to keep his officers waiting even longer.

He stands up, fingers reaching out to grab his M1 before looking back into her eyes. Damn, he doesn't even know her name.

"I have to head back to my company, but I'll come back later, if that's okay with you."

Her eyes are already on his, seemingly staring straight into his soul with that intensity that lays in her (y/e/c) orbs. The girl then rises to her feet - still never breaking the eye contact.

Thoughts race inside her head, and it's like an angel and a demon are sitting on each of her shoulders, one telling her to say no whilst the other trying to convince her to say yes.

What if he only wants to use her? What if he only wants to sleep with her? Maybe force her to do so, threatening her with his knowledge of the Jewish family. He might not even be who and what he says he is. How could she know?

But on the other hand, there is this feeling she has about him. A feeling that tells her that nothing she previously thought will happen. She doesn't know what it is, but it's there, right in her chest, and she can't fight it. He seems genuinely curious and impressed, and honest. And she feels a pull towards him. She wants to see him again.

In the end, the devil on her shoulder wins, and she simply nods - right before she could change her mind.

"I'm Joe," the young soldier moves around the table, one hand held out towards her.

A glance cast down and right back up to his face she takes his hand and gives it a shake, holding onto it tightly, as if only to let him know how strong she actually is.

It probably works, 'cause he raises an eyebrow, slightly tilts his head and the corners of his lips curve up into the smallest smirk she's ever seen - but it's there.

"(y/n)," she eventually answers with her own introduction.

A few seconds pass and neither has let go of the other's hand, not yet. They just stand there, staring into each other's eyes, only the small noises of them breathin breaking the silence.

Then Liebgott blinks, clears his throat, pulls his hand out from her grip and instinctively places his fingers upon his weapon hanging from his shoulder whilst nodding towards her as a gesture of saying goodbye without words.

She watches as he turns around and walks out from the room, and after a tiny, happy sigh she follows the sound of his steps.

Just as he opens the front door and moves through it is when she arrives to the hall. Joe glances back over his shoulder for one last time, offering her a small smile, then looks back ahead of him and continues his walk as if nothing has happened. None of the past dozen of minutes.

(y/n) leans against the doorframe and watches him right until he disappears in the distance with a dreamy look in her eyes.

She can't wait until he comes back again.

.::the end::.

(might write a part two if i'll have time and you'd like to read it)

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