#and i was going to wait until new years to post it but don't be surprised if i post it today

[jamiebluewind]

Warning! Pet illness, xray

A friend of mine a few states away had a pregnant female cat walk onto her porch and decide she lives now. She had 3 kittens. Since my friend/roommate @winterpower98 was looking for her first cat, we (other roommate/bestie, Winter/Gaia, and I) decided to take a trip down to visit and see if one of the kittens would work for her.

The thing is, she did fall in love with one! He's black with white markings, so the 6 year old had been calling him Eclipse. He's, curious, playful, and always trying to get into something. He loves Gaia. I mean LOVES her. And she loves him. Like... emptying her savings loves him.

Right before we arrived, our friend noticed a little lump on his belly. They thought nothing of it. And then, it got bigger. And bigger. And bigger.

After a week, we took him to a local vet to get checked out. He had a umbilical hernia. Luckily it stopped before his diaphragm, but the hernia was severe enough that he would need surgery to close it (a lot of articles talked about smaller ones closing on their own which is why we waited). He would also need special care for IBS symptoms and to keep his hernia from getting injured or obstructed before repair (which couldn't happen until he was big enough to go under anesthesia). He would need to come indoors for his safety and be separated from the others as his sisters pouncing on the hernia was causing issues (a week earlier than the 8 week mark).

I was honestly expecting Gaia to say it was too much for her to handle. Even told her that nobody would judge her for not being ready for that level of responsibility. That we could find an organization that could take him and get him the help he needed and find him a good home. He has two sisters she could consider, there were plenty of shelters back home with cats under a year old, and we could even check the town we were visiting and places on the way back home, so there were options. I knew how much it took to care for a kitten with health issues (my current cat required months of specialized care and there were plenty of scares along the way) and Gaia has no previous experience with cats outside of hanging out with our cats, so that's just starting on hard mode.

After a long serious talk on the responsibilities she was about to take on, she said she knew it would be hard but the thought of giving him up made her sick. That she would do whatever it took to give him a happy life for however long she has him. We aren't rich people, she's going back to college full time, she had only decided on him over one of his sisters that morning, and (again) this would be the first cat she has ever had. She went all in without a second thought.

The original quotes from various vets willing to do the surgery (not all vets can) were pretty insane, but luckily I found a non-profit that did the surgery for about half. My other roommate and I fully support her and chipping in what we can.

Eclipse is 8 week old and his surgery is scheduled in a month, but we are going to call in and check for cancelations since he's reached the minimum weight and age for anesthesia. Winter has been so busy caring for him that she's not had a chance to post about him, so I decided to do it on the drive home. I think the story is important because it raises awareness about an issue most don't know about and shows someone genuinely caring about a pet with special needs. As a disabled person who's went through a lot of ableism and survived abuse, it really hit me to see how much she loves him with her whole chest and doesn't ever approach his issues with anger or blame.

I don't ask for reblogs much, but I wanted to ask you guys to boost this. I linked Gaia's PayPal below if anyone wants to help take some of the financial burden off her, but you can also support her with messages and boosting this and her future post/s about Eclipse (cut her some slack guys, she's currently in tired new mom mode). I don't expect anyone to donate because I know you guys are mostly in the same shape as us, but I think showing Gaia support is just as important.

Now if you'll excuse me, the hyperactive boy got the zoomies and just jumped in the toilet XD

Edit: Late thing to add on, but a few days after posting this my other roommate/bestie Sarah decided to adopt his sister! Her name is Melanite, but her honey eyes have earned her the nickname Miel. Her and Eclipse have always been very close (often laying on top of each other), so it's great that they'll get to stay together.

[ghoulfuckersincorporated]

Wait, how would Cooper feel about thigh high stockings with some of those heels? Possibly a garter belt too? Or even just knowing that his partner has them on underneath whatever they usually wear? My mind goes blank when I see them on a pretty lady (or a man or anyone else really, I'm bisexual) Something about wearing them also makes me feel super hot but also powerful? Is that weird?

Oh, they feel very powerful, Anon. That's definitely not weird. In fact, I'd argue that that's one of the main selling points of them. It's very empowering and confidence-boosting to feel desirable and sexy.

That's why Cooper would absolutely adore seeing you in the entire get-up. He'd also like seeing you be so confident...

I think it would start small, maybe him gifting you your first very nice set of lingerie for your first Valentine's Day together. To you and your current financial situation, nice lingerie is simply defined as "a cute-ish top and bottoms that match and aren't completely ratty".

It's been about a year since he and Barb officially divorced, and about four months since you and Cooper started dating. You're both still quite low-key about it, not wanting to deal with the drama or the guilt of making Barb feel bad, but you're wild about one another. Coop likes being with someone who is more down-to-earth like he is, someone who he could really see raising chickens with him. You enjoy the older man's kindness, his generous nature, all the things he can show and teach you from years of life experience.

You aren't inexperienced, sexually, but the things you've tried aren't exactly adventurous. He catches you reading a steamy novel one evening, though, and suddenly you're getting quite the interrogation about what naughty things you like while he tickles you and kisses at your neck. And trust me, you will be divulging that information; he's a patient man, and if he has to wait until the next time you have an extra glass of wine with dinner to ask again, he will.

One of the things you eventually mention, lips loose after too much New Year's champagne, is how you've always liked the idea of dressing up in sexy lingerie, high heels and all, parading around a tied-up man like a prowling seductress.

So, naturally, you're over the moon when, a week before Valentine's Day, he gives you a gorgeous satiny bra and panty set and some stockings to go with. The sizing is perfect, of course, because he's so wonderful about attention to detail. The garter belt confuses you when you try it on, but eventually you manage to wrestle it all into place, and you're blown away by your reflection in the mirror. Cooper insists you don't show him what it looks like on until the day of, and you keep to that. But after your romantic dinner together that evening, you find yourself almost overly giddy to get out of the nice dress you'd chosen for your date. He's been shooting you heart-stopping glances all night, running his eyes up and down your body like he knows what you're hiding underneath your clothes.

Which, of course, he does.

When you finally get home, he takes great pleasure in slowly peeling you out of the thing, revealing the black satin and silk and the little bow between your breasts. Your feet have much less traction than usual against the hardwood floors in the stockings, but you're sure in your step as his eyes on you give you a huge confidence boost. Leading him to his bedroom, you push him down on the bed and kiss him for a long while before telling him to stay put, disappearing from the room and reappearing with a few lengths of rope in hand, his white cowboy hat on your head.

A few minutes later, his arms are outstretched just enough to keep him from being able to reach his body with his hands, the knots around his arms and the headboard posts nice and secure. He taught you the knots, and you'd really enjoyed learning them, but you still didn't think it had been fair of him to test your knowledge on them while he made you cockwarm him. But that's a score to settle another day.

You enjoy taking your time teasing him, running your tongue and nails along his chest and stomach, noting the way he shivers as you run your fingers along the waistband of his slacks. After he pleads a little, you free him from his open fly and tease him with your lips and tongue until he's pleading again. You smile wickedly at him as you move back.

Balancing on your rear and your palms, you lean back as far as you can while still staying upright between his knees, slowly and intentionally running your silk-clad feet all along the planes of his bare chest, appreciating his physique as you tease all the way up to his collar bones. A giggle leaves you when he cranes his neck to allow himself to nibble at your ankles, but the playful little kick you give him to the forehead sends him staring you down with a heat in his gaze. When he's settled down, you move your feet back down to the trail of hair that leads to his twitching, throbbing erection.

"Dirty tricks, little lady." he growls when you start to gently rub your smooth sole back and forth across his cock. You've managed to sniff out this particular kink of his between all the "secret" little glimpses at you after you take off your heels at the end of the day, the glut of compliments about how pretty your feet are, the regular pedicures he happily pays for. The massages where he can barely conceal his growing erection. You'd thought it a little strange at first, but he didn't judge you for your stranger proclivities, so you tried your best to grant him the same grace.

Plus, it was really quite hot how worked up he got about it, and you certainly didn't mind all the gifted shoes.

Since you've already been working him up and teasing him, he quickly reaches his end. You're both a little shocked by exactly how hard he cums, and how much, jet after hot jet spattering across his chest, his stomach, and your stockings, a low, guttural groan leaving him as you continue to gently pet at him until he pleads with you to stop. You can't help but notice that he seems like he's having a hard time meeting your gaze.

The whole display is incredibly erotic to you, despite what you may have thought about this sort of thing before. You'd never considered how much you could enjoy having a man you actually liked and trusted thinking your feet were very, very sexy, and now the whole thing has you ready to plant yourself down on him and never get off.

"Well, are you gonna untie me so I can return the favor, darlin'?" he asks eventually, face and neck still pink as he finally seems to gather up the courage to look over at you. You grin, slinking forward to lean in and kiss him deeply, running your fingers through the cooling rivulets of semen painting his toned chest.

"Mmm, I dunno, cowboy." you tut, pulling his hat from your head and giving your hair a seductive shake as you place it onto his. "I sorta like you like this. I'm thinking about maybe taking you for a little test ride."

His muscles flex against his restraints as he grins impishly at you. You have him under your control, and you intend to keep him that way for quite a while. Your pretty lingerie will definitely be destroyed by the time you're finished with each other, but no worries; he's got another of the exact same set hidden in the closet, ready to replace it so you can have one to actually keep.

He's just thoughtful like that. 😈

To the innocent anon: I'm sorry I used your submission to write foot job porn. :( Well, I'm kinda sorry.

I do feel at least a little bad, scout's honor.

[hanni-bae44]

Title: The Dare (Jeno)

Pairing- Jeno x fem!reader

Genre- american high school football au; angst, fluff (warnings: teenage drama, cursing, alcohol, kissing, a little suggestive if you squint, a fight scene)

Word Count- 12.9k

Summary- It was only supposed to be a dare for Jeno and the team. Although breaking your heart was part of the plan, falling in love with you was not. 

A/N- In hindsight, Jeno's dare is kind of dumb, but I love it lol. I also don't think I've ever rewritten a fic this much. Although I like this story, I’m sick of editing it so please excuse any mistakes if you see any and lmk :)

-

“Okay, everybody listen up,” Johnny hollered, as all the varsity players gathered in the locker rooms. He was the quarterback due to his determination and speed. He was fast on his feet, vigilant, accurate, and physically strong. He even got into varsity as a freshman and through his own hard work, he was able to get early D1 offers. As a result, he was also the one in charge of this two decade long tradition. “As always, it’s a new school year, everyone must master a task from this bucket of dares. Some might call it an annual initiation. Are you all up for it?”

Everyone cheered. 

The team had just finished practice and the coach had left, meaning they had the locker rooms to themselves. It had been several weeks back from summer and everyone was determined to make this their year. 

“Alright, let's wrap it up,” Johnny yelled, urging everyone to silence. “The rules are simple. Pull out a folded paper from this bucket of dares. Whatever it says, you must do, no exceptions. This is the principle in which all will follow. Everyone understood?”

They all roared.

Johnny went around one by one and made sure everyone had their note and read it to the whole team. He had a freshman from JV hold a clipboard and write down all of everyone’s dares. 

“Everyone got a task?” Johnny yelled one last time before he made his way to the front. He waited until everyone said yes then pulled out the last paper for himself.

“Alright, let's see what fate has in the cards for me,” Johnny showed the folded paper to his teammates first and they all groaned in disappointment since the captain had such an easy dare. 

“Great, I have to fill coach’s office with post-it notes.” Johnny rubbed at his temples. Coach was going to kill him. “Remember, you guys have until a week after our first game to complete this. I encourage all of you to be honest and keep your teammates on track. You will need at least one witness and a report of proof. You don’t want to know what happens if you are caught cheating . Alright, you all can go.”

Jeno stared blankly at his card when he left the locker rooms. Just how the heck was he supposed to break someone’s heart? 

“You alright, dude?” His teammate— Haechan— asked him.

“Yeah, I just don’t know how I’m going to break someone’s heart, let alone whose heart to break.”

Haechan started to look around and pointed towards a group of people who were coming out of the auditorium. “How about that girl holding the instrument case? I’ve known her since middle school and she’s smart. She tutors at the media center every year after school. Ask her to tutor you for something, she volunteers there every Tuesday and Thursday.”

“Who are you staring at dude?” Jaemin asked as he patted Jeno’s back, joining in on the conversation.

“Y/N. He’s considering her for the dare.” Haechan snickered. “These dares are getting more unhinged by the year.”

“Tell me about it,” Jaemin groaned, staring down at his own fate. “How the fuck am I supposed to fill the pool with food coloring? I’ll get a month of detention or something.” The boy rubbed at his temples.  

“Be thankful you don’t have to steal an item from the principal’s office. I’ll really get suspended for that shit.” Haechan said.

“You’ll be fine dude, just don’t get caught.” Jeno assured him. “It’s me that has the issue. Just how am I going to break her heart? It’s cruel to make her like me then break her heart, don’t you guys think?”

“You got soft dude?” Jaemin raised a brow. 

“Since when did you care about other people’s feelings?” Haechan asked. “Just ask her to tutor you. Make her fall for you then break her heart. We’ll be the witness, just tell us when you do so,” Haechan grinned and Jaemin agreed, encouraging Jeno to follow through with the dare.

Jeno thought over what his teammates said.

They were onto something. This tradition of dares was going to burn them one day but was it so evil? Heartbreak was normal was it not? This dare was just for fun among the guys. And Jeno was always down for a challenge. He wasn’t about to back down now. Not when this was his last year to prove to everyone that he was worthy of his position on the team. 

-

You were setting up the tutoring stations in the media center all by yourself again. The dismissal bell rang not too long ago but it seemed as if you were the only person that ever took this tutoring thing seriously. Everyone else just took their sweet time. And to make things worse, the copy machines weren’t working. You had just finished reporting the issue to the librarian when you turned around, nearly having a heart attack at the boy who seemingly appeared out of thin air.

Your hand flew to your chest to calm your racing heart while the boy grinned. “You scared me,” you grumbled. 

“A juice for you?” the boy offered with a brow raised, tossing his juice pouch in the air. 

You glanced down at his hand which held the apple juice in a bag the school gave out during breakfast. “You’re kidding me right? What? Had the juice been in your pocket all day or something? The trash can is over there.” You pointed out.

“You caught me,” the boy admitted with a smirk, shoving the juice back into his pocket. “So you tutor here often? What do you teach?” 

You took a better look at him and noticed how he sported a football jersey. Just great, probably another air-headed jock who needed help passing because they slack off in class. You heaved a sigh. “The school year just began but I guess you could say I tutor often. I tutor algebra, geometry, calculus, anything math related.”

“Oh, so you like solving problems?” the boy asked as he followed you from desk to desk as you finished setting up the stations. 

“I guess you could say that.”

“Do you tutor world history?”

“Honestly if you need a tutor for something like world history, you just need to pay attention in class,” you deadpanned. “But if you really need help understanding, I think it’s Taeil who tutors in the history department. He hasn’t arrived yet but you could wait for him in the front. I’ll sign you in, come on.”

The boy followed you to the front desk. 

“What’s your name?” 

“Jeno.”

“Alright Jeno, you’re signed in. Tutoring starts in 5 minutes, you can wait here.”

“Wait. Can you tutor me for calculus instead?”

You raised a brow. “Don’t you need help understanding world history?”

“Nope. I’m good with history. I was just asking for a friend earlier,” Jeno insisted. His face had you doubtful but you didn’t care enough to press on it.

“Okay, you can just wait here then. I have to finish setting up.” 

“One problem, I’m on the football team and I have practice in a few minutes, could you tutor me after practice?”

You refrained from rolling your eyes. Just who did he think he was? “Look football guy, I have a life too, you know.”

“Of course, but could you just make an exception? I can also meet you during lunch hour. Or any time that fits your schedule. Please? I can’t fail calculus, you know it’s a graduation requirement.” He flashed a tender smile. One that was almost too desperate.

“What’s in it for me?” You folded your arms. It wouldn’t hurt to entertain him while you waited for tutoring to start. 

Jeno heaved a sigh before glancing around the media center to look for something, anything, to offer. His eyes must’ve scanned through a hundred things before they landed on your school bag near the desk with a Guitars for Dummies book sticking out.

“Are you learning guitar?” he prompted. 

You narrowed your eyes, staring back at him like he was a stalker. “Yeah… How did you know?” 

“The Guitar for Dummies book is sticking out of your bag,” Jeno pointed out. “I can teach you. I used to take classes as a kid and I’m still good at it now.”

“And what makes you think I can’t just get help from someone else?” 

“Aye, come on. Trust me, I’m good at guitar. We both need something from each other so let's make a deal. You tutor me in calculus and I teach you guitar. If I can’t keep my promise, I’ll give you money for lessons. Sounds good?”

You thought it over as you stared back at the desperate jock. “Fine,” you grumbled. “Meet me in the auditorium tomorrow during lunch. Get your food, then meet me there but don’t be so late.”

“Of course, I’ll see you tomorrow then,” Jeno beamed before scurrying off to practice. 

-

The next day, the football guy was entering the auditorium right on the bell with his food tray in one hand.

At least he was punctual, you thought. 

“What’s up?” Jeno greeted, raising his hand to do a bro handshake. 

“What’s up yourself,” you sighed, ignoring his hand. “We have one hour for lunch, let's just get started.” 

“So why did you want to meet in the auditorium?” he asked as he got settled down. “Couldn’t we just do this in the cafeteria or the media center where there’s an actual desk?”

“The cafeteria is too loud while the media center requires a lunch pass which I’m assuming you don’t have. The librarian is strict on passes.”

“Do you go here everyday?”

“No. I’m usually in the media center. Now let’s begin, this small talk is cutting into your learning time. Show me your calculus notes and worksheets. Tell me what you understand and don’t. We’ll start from there.”

-

For the next week, you met Jeno everyday at lunch in the auditorium. Tutoring him turned out to be better than you expected. He was punctual and actually a pretty decent listener, catching onto the material faster than the usual jock would. You’d also get to know him a bit better and realize that he’s not the stuck up airhead you thought him out to be. 

 As for his end of the deal, you gave him your address so he could come over on the weekend to teach you guitar. He brought his little sister Minji along too but you didn't mind. You loved kids and you also had a little brother that she could play with. So while they played Minecraft together at the dining table, Jeno taught you guitar on the living room sofa. 

“So why are you learning guitar anyway?” Jeno asked, having just gotten back from giving Minji a snack. You were both in the living room and he had just finished teasing you for renting a Guitar for Dummies book too. 

“My dad used to love guitar but he died last year,” you started, “I was cleaning the basement a few weeks ago and found his guitar. I guess I just wanted to learn it as a way to be closer to him.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Jeno didn’t know what else to say. All he could do was look at you and pray that you wouldn’t start crying. 

“It’s fine.” You sat up straight and held the guitar closer to your body. “So how do you play the E minor chord again? It keeps ringing out wrong.” 

“The guitar isn’t tuned.” Jeno grabbed the guitar from you and tuned it by ear. “You were holding the guitar wrong too.” He helped you position the guitar correctly. “Now for the E minor. Second finger on the second fret, fifth string. Third finger on the second fret, fourth string. Let’s get you used to strumming first. You don’t have any callouses yet so your fingertips will hurt.”

-

The sun was setting and you figured that was enough guitar for the day. Jeno had been monitoring you attentively as you switched between some easy chords and strumming. You barely got anywhere today and yet your fingertips began to hurt exactly like how Jeno said it would. Who knew playing such a beautiful instrument would be so painful? 

“It’s getting late but thanks for helping me.” You stood up and placed the guitar aside. 

“No problem. You weren’t that bad to teach.”

You rolled your eyes before walking to the kitchen to grab some fresh tomatoes and basil to make a sauce. “I’m gonna make my brother and I some pasta, do you and your sister want any?”

Jeno looked at the clock then nodded. It wasn’t like there was food at home anyway. “Yeah, sure.” He then walked to the kitchen to stand near his sister and glanced around. His eyes landed on the big instrument case you carried around the first time he saw you. And It was open. “So you play trumpet?” 

“Yup, I have both band class and marching band. Some games are coming up and I haven’t played since last school year so I’m a bit rusty.” 

He nodded.

While boiling the pasta, you made the sauce and occasionally glanced at the dining table where Jeno played Minecraft with Minji and Niki. You couldn’t help but admire how wholesome and cute the whole thing was. You’ve never really liked jocks but after getting to actually know him more, you realized that he wasn’t so bad. 

After dinner, Jeno offered to wash the dishes. “I’ll help you,” he had insisted and made his way towards you near the sink. His body was pressed against yours and his hand was on your waist to grab a nearby dishwashing glove. “You already cooked my sister and I dinner, it's the least I could do.” He smiled. 

“I guess that’s fair,” you said while looking at him. His gaze was so intense, it made you nervous. “I’ll just hang with Minji and Niki then.”

-

The next week was the same. You would tutor him during your lunch period, but only this time he would bring you a cookie from the cafeteria, insisting it was a thank you for helping him pass his first test.

“I don’t see how you even have energy when you always skip lunch,” Jeno said as he pulled out the retractable seats in the auditorium. He hands you a cookie again.

“I just ate a granola bar while waiting for you, but thanks.” You began to eat the cookie when you noticed his eyes roaming your face. “Is there chocolate on my face or something?”

“No. I was just thinking. Have you ever skipped class?” he randomly asked. 

“No. But I’m assuming you have?”

“You assume a lot of things about me,” Jeno said knowingly. “How about we break the rules for today. It’s Friday afterall. Let’s leave campus and get something to eat. We’ll be back before 7th period I promise.”

The rational side of you knew better. But then again, you were still hungry from the granola bar. “I don’t know. What if we get caught?”

“You won’t. I skip all the time. They never lock the gates near the back either. You can sneak back in easily and if an administrator asks, just give them one of these.” He pulled out a stack of hallpasses from his backpack. 

“Don’t tell me, you stole them? You  probably got written up for it.”

“You worry too much,” Jeno sighed. “Let's just have some fun today. What do you say?” 

It took some convincing but Jeno managed to get you to skip class with him to grab food. He found himself enjoying your company as time flew by, now realizing that you were fun to talk to and tease. And to think, it only took him a little over a week to get you to warm up to him. Jeno was ecstatic. 

-

On Saturday, Jeno came over once again to help you out with the guitar. Minji also tagged along and as you got to know her too, you found yourself growing quite fond of her. She was so cute and respectful unlike most kids her age. And just like last week, you cooked them both dinner again. 

“Thanks for the chicken Y/N, it was so good,” Minji squealed, hugging your legs. You crouched down and gave her a hug, thanking her for being so cute.

“Thank you too, it was really nice spending the day with you,” Jeno admitted as he held his sister’s hand. It was getting late and Jeno was about to leave but he found himself lingering at the front door. 

“You too.” You didn’t know what else to say but just look at him. You’ve never noticed it before but he had a small mole under his left eye and he even kind of resembled a samoyed dog. Cute, you noted. 

You snapped out of your daze when Niki yelled, “Bye Minji, bye Jeno!”

“So I have a performance next Thursday. A concert  in the auditorium,” you added hesitatingly. “We’re playing some really good classical hits and it’ll be nice if you and Minji came. If you want to though, no pressure. It starts at 6.” You didn’t want to make it seem like you were asking him out, but you did want him to see you play the trumpet since he apparently found them cool. Did you want to impress him? Maybe. You didn’t know why. 

“We’ll be there,” Jeno nodded. 

You bit down a smile. “Great.”

-

The next week, you tutored Jeno like normal except there was not much learning going on. Jeno would constantly get distracted as he kept bringing you random things. And eventually, the both of you would lose track of time, doing more talking than tutoring. 

The day of the concert, you were nervous. You ended up rambling to your best friends Yeri and Xiaojun in the band room while you waited for the performance to start. The three of you have been friends since middle school and now as you were all seniors, your friendship was still as strong as ever. Well, as strong as it could be. Ever since Xiaojun and Yeri began dating, you become a third wheel more often than not.  

“I can’t believe you like Jeno.” Yeri looked disgusted. “I heard he’s been messing around with that cheerleader Karina.”

“Yeah, be careful Y/N, don’t fall in love with him,” Xiaojun added. 

“I don’t even know if I like him,” you clarified. “I barely know him but we’re kind of friends. At least I think we are.” 

“You guys text?” Yeri asked.

“Sometimes. Just about random things.”

“No way. So you’ve been talking to him.” 

“I wouldn’t put it like that. We talk but we aren’t talking.”

“Do you think he’s attractive?” Xiaojun asked. 

“Kind of? I mean he kind of looks like a lost puppy sometimes when he’s thinking. It’s cute.”

Yeri fake gagged which made you giggle. 

“He’s actually pretty cool once you get to know him,” you tried to say. You don’t know why you’re defending him because not too long ago, you swore all jocks were stuck up obnoxious jerks. You don’t generalize in other areas of life, but when it comes to sports? You did. You’ve encountered your fair share of bratty teenage boy athletes over your years of tutoring to come to this conclusion. The majority of jocks were annoying. But Jeno was different. And you felt it within you to defend him. 

“I don’t trust him,” Yeri seethed while preparing her instrument for the concert. 

“Me neither. Just be careful. If he hurts you just let me know,” Xiaojun said and put up his fists in the air as if he was squaring up on someone, making you laugh. 

-

After the concert, you went to the band room again to put away your sheet music and trumpet. You also changed your outfit before making your way back to the auditorium to meet up with Yeri and Xiaojun. You also looked for Jeno. You tried looking for him earlier when you were playing but all the music stands blocked your view. 

Then you see him. And Minji. 

“Y/N!” Minji yelled as she lunged towards you.

“You were amazing, I didn’t know you could play so well,” Jeno said as he stood before you. “Here, I got you flowers, they’re kind of crushed though since I had it in my locker. Sorry I got here late too, I got out at practice then I rushed home to get Minji so yeah.”

“It’s okay, thank you. I’m glad you made it.” You were touched. It was your first time receiving flowers from someone. After a while of catching up, you changed the subject and turned around to introduce your friends. “Meet Yeri, my friend. Xiaojun is my friend too but he’s over there,” you pointed out.

Jeno recognized them from the day he first saw you but pretended like it was his first time. “Hey.” 

Yeri didn’t even try to conceal her distaste for him. Not even with a face smile, just a scowl. “Hi.”

“Okay,” you interjected. “My friends and I were going to go out for some food. Do you want to come along?”

Jeno looked at Yeri who could never control her expression. It was obvious she didn't like him. 

“I’m good, I should take Minji home, it’s getting late,” Jeno said, ruffling up his sister’s hair.

You nodded and reluctantly watched as he left the auditorium. Just what were you going to do…

-

Over the weekend, Jeno came over again and teached you how to mute, along with an easy strumming pattern. 

“Why is the barre chord so hard?” you whined as you sat on the sofa in your living room. Jeno was beside you, guiding you how to play.

“It takes practice to build the muscle,” Jeno wiggled his pointer finger which made you giggle even though it wasn’t even funny. This was how it was when you were with him. He always made you laugh even if his attempts were lame. 

“I actually have a surprise to show you too,” you beamed, pulling out your notes with the chords, “I’ve been practicing a song.”

Jeno clapped his hands together. “Let me hear it.”

You began to play Isn’t She Lovely by Stevie Wonder and strummed while singing along in a soft voice. Jeno thought you sounded beautiful. He couldn’t take his eyes off you. 

When you finished playing, you wiped a tear that came down your eyes. “Sorry, I didn't mean to cry. I just miss my dad so much. He used to play me this song all the time but what do you think?”

“It was beautiful, you’re a great singer too,” Jeno’s eyes were filled with admiration. 

That day he left your house like usual. Only this time, he couldn’t stop thinking about you. 

-

You stared at yourself in the mirror before meeting up with Jeno for tutoring. You found yourself putting more effort into your appearance these days. You knew the chance of Jeno liking you back was low but still, you wanted to put on a bit of makeup, just in case. 

Twisting open your mascara, you began to apply another coat on your lashes when the head cheerleader walked in. You didn’t pay much attention to Karina but you could feel her eyes on you as you reapplied your mascara.

“You like Jeno don’t you?” The way she asked was laced with venom or something. You didn’t like how she was talking to you. 

“Why do you care?” You put away your makeup before turning to face her. 

“He’s mine.” The way she said it made it sound like a threat. But you weren’t scared. 

“Okay, sure,” you sighed.

She took a step towards you as if to intimidate you. “I’m serious. Sure he’s with you right now but you’ll see sooner or later. He’s just using you. Me and him are running for homecoming queen and king together, you can’t break us apart.” 

“I just tutor him okay? So yeah he’s using me. You can go after him all you want, I’m not your competition so lay off.” 

She then bursted out into laughter. Sheesh. Who knew someone so outwardly pretty could sound like an evil witch when laughing? She was delusional. You didn’t let her words deter you though. Sure, you might’ve liked Jeno but you weren’t ever going to act on it unless he did so first. And the likeness of him doing that? Slim. 

You and him were just friends. 

“You’ll see what I mean soon. Just remember, he’s mine.” And with that, she strutted out of the bathroom, leaving you in your thoughts. 

-

You were trying to explain some concepts to Jeno but he wasn’t even paying attention. He just kept staring blankly at his worksheet.

“Jeno?” you repeated for the second time.

“Yeah?” He looked uneasy like something was bothering him.

“Are you okay? You’ve been distracted for a while now. Is something on your mind?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, what were you saying before?”

You repeated yourself. You didn’t know what you were going to do with him. He just looked so out of it. 

-

The Friday before his first game, he had somehow convinced you to skip class again. He was starting to become a bad influence on you yet you couldn’t even find it within yourself to care. The two of you stopped by his house first to get his sports bag he had forgotten and then you both got lunch. The two of you ate in his car and he couldn’t help but notice how comfortable he was around you. When he finished eating, the two of you just stayed in his car and talked for what seemed like hours. Before he had to go in for practice, he turned to you with a serious face. “I have something to tell you.”

“Oh, okay. What is it?”

You were so clueless. So utterly oblivious. Jeno took a deep breath but it did nothing to help. His nerves didn’t subside one bit. He had to do this. He had to tell you the truth. It was eating him up inside and at this point, he didn't even care about the dare anymore. He just wanted to get it over with and hope that you’d understand and forgive him.

“I haven’t been honest with you, Y/N.“ Just promise me you’ll listen to me fully before saying anything?”

You held back a smile, not understanding why the conversation turned so serious all of a sudden. “Why would I hate you?” 

“Because I-” You were looking at him so innocently. You’ve become such an important person to him, he didn’t know how to tell you the truth about the dare, so instead, he told you the other truth weighing down his heart. “I like you,” Jeno said softly. He felt like a coward. A heartless coward. 

“I like you too,” you beamed. 

“Good.” Jeno forced a smile. 

The way your eyes twinkled made his heart sink. You truly did like him. This was going to blow up in his face so bad. He loved how flustered you were right now but at the same time, he felt so guilty. You looked at him with such admiration, he didn’t want to imagine your face filled with hate for him. He knew he had to tell you sooner or later but he couldn’t. It would break your heart and he wasn’t sure if he could do that anymore. He considered the punishment for not fulfilling his dare— that dare he was so sure of was in the past. But that was before he got to know you. The deadline was next Monday and Jeno was in trouble. He didn’t know how to break your heart and keep you in his life at the same time. Falling for you was never a part of the plan.

-

Later that night, Jeno’s football team won the game. After the game, the team went back to the locker rooms to converse and change. To celebrate, one of his teammates decided to throw an afterparty. 

You waited outside of the locker rooms for Jeno. His teammates were looking at you weird as they walked out but you ignored them. The hatred you had for jocks was creeping back the more you saw his teammates. What did you do to them anyway? 

Then you saw Jeno, and the hatred melted away once again. You embraced him in a hug. It was only meant to be a friendly-bro hug but Jeno held onto you way too long for it to be like that. The hug was more intimate than you had intended it to be.

“Are you okay?” you asked. “You look so down considering the school just won.”

“I’m just tired.” He smiled but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He didn’t know how to tell you the truth and it was eating him upside. He didn’t want you to hate him. Everyone had left the hallway outside the locker rooms now and it was so quiet. It was his time, he thought. He could tell you the truth right now and get it over with. But then he looked at you, and you were genuinely worried about him and the words he wanted to say got caught in his throat. 

He was at a crossroads.

“Jeno, what's wrong?” you asked him again. 

“Nothing.” He lied. He felt like a coward. “Let's go to the party, yeah?” He held his hand out and you intertwined your fingers with his. 

-

When you arrived to the house of his teammate, you stuck to Jeno. He asked you if you wanted to play Mario Kart or beer pong but you didn’t. You just wanted to be near him and followed him wherever he went. You even tried to make conversation with his friends although you could sense that they didn’t respect you as they kept referring to you as a band geek. 

In a sea of so many people, you’ve never felt more alone. 

“I’m going to play beer pong with the guys?” Jeno announced to you softly as he caressed your cheek.

“I’m going to go outside for some fresh air. Find me later?”

He nodded then kissed your forehead.

It was beginning to get stuffy inside the house and you just wanted fresh air. You were leaning against the exterior wall of the house when you saw some familiar faces come from the driveway.

As they neared, you recognized them as Xiaojun and Yeri.

“I thought you guys were tired,” you beamed as you hugged your friends.

“We were, but we also wanted to have fun,” Xiaojun added before walking into the house, leaving you and Yeri behind. 

“We also wanted to see how you were doing, where's Jeno?” Yeri asked, while glaring at her boyfriend from behind.

“Jeno’s playing beer pong,” you began. “I just needed a break, it’s nice to have some fresh air outside” 

Yeri tsked, as if she was disapproving of Jeno again. “That’s enough fresh air. Come on, let's go have some fun inside.” Yeri encouraged as she dragged you inside. You didn’t see Jeno on the way to the pool, but you figured he was just with the guys in the other room and forgot about him for a bit. 

While it was fun, chatting with some people near the pool, it had been an hour now since you’ve last seen Jeno. “I’m going to look for Jeno,” you told Yeri before going back inside the house. You checked the bottom floor first before going upstairs.

You’ve already checked a few rooms but he wasn't there. Right as you were about to turn the corner, you heard your name. It was strung along with Jeno’s name which furthered your curiosity. 

What could people be saying about you now? You hated how much your name was used in gossip lately. And all this because you decided to tutor Jeno. 

A male voice laughed. “It’s been a month and he’s still with that band geek. The deadline is in 3 days, I wonder how he’ll break her heart.”

“Do you think she knows? I mean she has to, right? Why would a guy like him ever hang out with her if it were not for the dare.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah, that freshman on JV told me. I kind of feel bad for her.”

You went up to a random boy in that group and grabbed a fistful of his shirt and forced him to explain. He seemed wasted, and just smirked at how you handled him.

“Hey chill, all I know is that varsity has a tradition of dares,” the guy slurred, eyes raking your body up and down. 

You refrained from slapping him. “You’re saying someone dared Jeno to date me?” 

“Yeah, apparently he had to make you fall in love with him? Something like that.”

“Nah dude, his dare was to break someone’s heart and he chose you,” another guy added with a laugh. 

You loosened your grip on the boy’s shirt and took a step back, disappearing around the corner. You were devastated. They had to be lying. No way the Jeno you knew would do that. He was different, wasn’t he? Wanting some privacy, you opened the door to the room closest to you only to get the opposite of what you wanted.  

Jeno was kissing someone on the bed. Not just anyone though. He was kissing Karina. Perhaps the most prettiest yet bitchiest girl at your damn school. The one girl everyone had a crush on. The one girl he apparently had a crush on too. 

Yeri was right. Jeno was no different. 

Right as Jeno saw you, he pushed Karina off and called out your name. 

But you don’t listen. 

Tears burned in your eyes as you ran out of the room and down the stairs. The music was already loud but it only amplified as the scene of Karina straddling Jeno replayed in your head. Everything just felt so suffocating. You needed fresh air. 

You barely made it onto the driveway when you felt a hand grab your wrist. 

“I know it looks bad, but it’s not what it looks like,” he pleaded with wide eyes. “I just got out of the bathroom when she showed up. I didn't even get a chance to move before she pushed me to the bed and kissed me. I tried to push her off and that’s when you came in,” he tried to protest but there was no justifying what you saw. Or heard for that matter. 

“You don’t have to explain yourself,” you said calmly, as you yanked your hand away from him. 

“Of course I do, I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I really like you-”

“You must think I’m stupid Jeno. I know about your dare with varsity. And to make it worse, my dumbass actually fell for it. You know what? Maybe you're right. Maybe I am stupid.” You hated how everyone on the driveway was staring at you now. The attention made you humiliated.

His eyes widened. “How did you find out about it?”

“Does it matter? The deadline is in three days is it not? Well congratulations, you succeeded. Was any of it even real Jeno? Or was it just all a game to you?” It wasn’t even a break up. You and him were never a couple yet it felt worse than a break up. You felt so used. 

“I promise it might have started out that way, but everything I felt for you was genuine,” Jeno pleaded. “I never meant for it to hurt you or get this far.“ He hated the way you looked at him. And he hated it even more that he was the one that caused it. He could tell that you were trying your best to be calm but he knew you were hurt. Especially with how guarded you were the first time he had met you. 

“How could this not have hurt me? Was I that much of a loser?”

“No, you aren’t at all, it was just tradition, you know how it is.”

“No I don’t know. Did you really think I was so easy?” You took a second to calm yourself. You had to get away from this place before you completely broke down in front of everyone. “I hate you Jeno. I never want to see you again.” 

But right as you turned your heels, he tried to reach for your hand again only to get a slap to the face. Leave me alone,” you warned. 

Jeno deserved it and he knew it. All he could do was stare back at the anger fueled in your eyes. 

“Hey, what’s going on?” Xiaojun interjected. He was making his way from inside the house along with Yeri.

You watched as Xiaojun stepped in front of you and guided you behind him. 

“Xiaojun, it’s fine,” you tried to tell him.

Jeno rolled his eyes at how your friend always had to involve himself. “This is none of your business dude.”

Xiaojun ignored him and turned back to you.“Did he hurt you?” 

“No, we were just talking. Can you just give me a ride? I want to go home.” And thankfully your friends took you home. You never wanted to see Jeno again. 

Xiaojun and Yeri knew something was wrong seeing how visibly upset you were. You told them what happened in the car and they came to hate Jeno even more. To them, he was always the conceited player who shitted on everyone else. The typical jock. You thought he was different, but you were wrong. Truthfully, a part of you wished Jeno had chased after you that night, but he didn't. Of course he wouldn’t run after you, why would he? It wasn't like he actually cared about you in the first place. 

-

The following week, everyone reported to the captain with their proof of the dares and everyone succeeded. It was a good sign that they were going to do well this season and everyone was ecstatic. Jeno had passed the initiation of some sorts, but at what cost? The girl he liked hated him. And he didn’t even know how to fix it.

Weeks passed and you were still ignoring Jeno. There were so many times he wanted to just walk up to you and talk. But deep down he knew there was no justifying what he did. As if the dare wasn’t enough to break your heart, you also walked in on him at the worst time possible. 

-

It was the night of a home game, when you were reluctantly there with the marching band. Jeno snuck glances at you when you were marching across the field. You didn’t notice him but he saw you and he thought you looked beautiful under the moonlight. He knew he had to do his best to impress you tonight and win the game. 

And win the game he did. 

“What gives man? You look like someone ran over your foot.” Haechan patted Jeno’s back. “We just won! Let’s go!”

Of course Jeno was happy but he was also thinking. Were you paying attention to him? He scanned the crowd where the band sat and admired you. You were having a conversation with that Xiaojun kid and his girlfriend next to you but your eyes were on him. He smiled at you but you didn’t smile back. He let his friends push him around as they cheered. He wanted so badly for you to run towards him and hug him but things weren’t like that anymore. Instead, he felt the arms of someone else around him.

Jeno turned around to see the cheerleaders running up to the team and looked down to see Karina’s arms around him. He grew agitated at the sight of her and peeled her arms off his body. 

“You did so well, come on Jeno, I’ve missed you-,” Karina got cut off by Jeno who told her to stop. 

“Can you leave me alone for once? For fuck’s sake, can you take a hint when someone doesnt want you around?” Jeno was on edge and his voice was louder than he intended it to be. He knew that you were looking at him and Karina would only make things worse.

Karina scoffed, embarrassed since Jeno had made a scene. As much as she hated Jeno, she also wanted him. But for now, she left him alone.

Jeno sighed in relief when she walked away. He scanned the bleachers for you again but the band had left. You were gone.

-

Over the next few weeks, you remained inexistent in Jeno’s life. You began to dedicate your time to improving your trumpet skills for the upcoming performance concert. There would be another classical medley of songs and you needed to have the muscle memory to keep up with all the notes. 

The day of the concert, it was gloomy but still, the auditorium was packed. You played your part as the composer directed, eyes following your sheet music.

After the concert, you went back to the band room to change and put away your trumpet before meeting up with Xiaojun, Yeri, and her mother in the audience. 

“So what do you kids want to eat? Should we order pizza at home or go out for some real food?” Yeri’s mother asked the three of you.

Yeri was quick to propose a steakhouse and both you and Xiaojun agreed.

“Oh, I forgot my bag in the locker room, I’ll be right back,” you apologized.

You made it quick to the public lockers near the band room, not wanting to hold your friends up. You were struggling with your lock combination. It was right, left, right, right? Just why wouldn’t it open? 

“You need help?” A familiar voice asked from behind your shoulder.

You turned around. Jeno.

“Hi,” he started. “Here I got you flowers, you did great out there.”

You looked down at the flowers then back at him. “What are you doing here?”

“Y/N!” a voice from behind Jeno yelled. It was Minji.

Minji ran to you and hugged your legs. “I’ve missed you Y/N. Why don’t you come over anymore?”

You bent down to hug Minji. “I’ve missed you too. I’ve just been busy, I’m so sorry.” You felt terrible, not knowing how to break her the news that you hated her brother. So instead, you pretended like everything was okay. 

Jeno handed you the flowers when you stood up from hugging Minji. 

“Thanks,” you sighed, reluctantly taking the bouquet. “I really need to get going though.” You turned back to your locker and tried the combination again.

“I’ve missed you,” he hesitated.

“Jeno, that’s not a good idea,” you sighed.

“Just give me one more chance. I know what I did was stupid but I really want to make things right with you. Please.”

You managed to get your locker open and grabbed your bag before turning back to Jeno. “I don’t know. Thanks for the flowers but I have to go, my friends are waiting for me.”

You bent down to Minji and gave her a kiss on her forehead before you left. You didn't know how to deal with your heart anymore. A part of you still loved him. But a part of you just couldn’t let it go.

Jeno was devastated that night but he understood. He left you alone after that.

-

The homecoming game was in a week and you had been practicing for what felt like years. The trumpet was heavy, the mouthpiece bruised your lips, and your fingers were cramping. You were over it. If it weren’t for your best friends who also were in band, you would’ve just taken a nap. 

The weather was the topic among your bandmates the day of the homecoming game. It was perfectly chilly and breezy which allowed for minimal sweat for all the marching and playing you had to do. 

It was disappointing to say the least– your school had lost. The fact that it was a homecoming game for your school made it even more depressing. No one from your school was in a good mood. 

You glanced down at the crowd, eyes scanning the grassy field for Jeno who was being comforted by his teammates. There was sweat dripping on his face and a frown of anger as he held onto his helmet. 

After the game, you were going to go home but Xiaojun and Yeri practically dragged you to the rival team’s afterparty. Xiaojun was friends with a guy on the other team and given how sad you seemed these days, Xiaojun wanted you to have some fun. Or in his words, drink, socialize, and forget about the boy. And that you did. You had two cheap beers and that was enough to get you just buzzed enough to let loose and socialize. 

Xiaojun and Yeri made an effort to introduce you to his friends at the other school and tried to make sure you were comfortable. His efforts were appreciated but you still felt out of place. The music was loud and people kept pushing their sweaty bodies against you which became more annoying as the alcohol began to wear off. You made your way to the second floor to use the restroom which was locked. Considering how you heard some noises coming from inside, you supposed it would be a while before they came out. Frustrated, you searched the bedrooms and looked for another restroom. 

While you expected to see people from your school at the party, you didn't expect Jeno to be there, but there he was leaning against the wall, looking all sad. 

You turned around to walk away, but he called out your name ever so softly which made you halt. Just why couldn’t you walk away? Jeno grabbed your hand and turned you around. He had you pinned you against the wall with an arm beside your shoulder. “I miss you,” he said softly. His eyes were laced with something so delicate causing you to melt under his gaze. He was so close to you, breathing down your neck. The way he looked at you was so intense yet so soft and for a split second you could almost feel as if he might’ve actually liked you. “You have no idea what you do to me,” he mumbled, fingers trailing your jawline. 

“Jeno. What are you doing?” You hated how your voice came out so low. Your heart was beating rapidly against your chest from the way he had you pinned. You could have pushed him away but you didn’t. Because a part of you missed him too. 

“Will you let me kiss you?” Jeno muttered. 

You hated yourself for wanting to say yes but you couldn’t help how soft his lips looked. You were about to stupidly say yes when you heard your friend’s voice echo. “Get off her, you jerk.” The next thing you knew, Jeno was being pulled off you. Xiaojun had come up from behind and fisted Jeno’s shirt, pushing him against the wall. 

“Xiaojun, it’s fine, get off him,” you tried to intervene but your words rang silent. 

“Leave her alone. Haven't you done enough?” Xiaojun hissed at Jeno. 

“For the last time, mind your own business dude.”

Xiaojun scoffed as he tightened his grip, “And for the last time, leave Y/N alone. You’ve done enough. Don’t tell me you suddenly like her now that she's over you.”

Jeno pushed Xiaojun’s grip away and took a step closer to him to assert the fact that he was taller than him. “She’s not over me, just look at her, she misses me too.” His words came out slurred.

Xiaojun sighed. “I get it, the girl you played dumped you and you lost the game and you're angry, but genuinely, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

Jeno had frustration laced in his eyes, he hated when people pitied him. It was almost scary in the way he let out a bitter chuckle. 

“Fuck you,” Jeno said as a tear rolled down his cheek. He directed a finger to Xiaojun’s chest. “You don’t know anything.”

“Then enlighten me. What could your problem possibly be?”

“My problem is you,” Jeno said with fire in his eyes. He shoved Xiaojun with both hands and he shoved back. 

You couldn’t let Jeno hit Xiaojun like that. You ran to Xiaojun and placed yourself in the middle to try and get him to calm down before things escalated but Jeno had fire in his eyes. He looked back at you then at Xiaojun. He scoffed before walking away. 

“Are you okay?” Xiaojun mumbled softly with his hand on your shoulder. 

“Yeah, I’m okay. You didn’t have to step in like that but thank you.”

“Of course I had to, you’re my best friend.” Xiaojun pulled you in for a hug along with Yeri too.

Before you left that night, you saw Karina and Jeno together in the kitchen and she had her hand on his arm. You made eye contact with Jeno but you looked away as soon as it happened. It was only for a brief moment as you passed by but it still managed to make you feel uneasy. It shouldn’t have bothered you so much, but it did. 

Lee Jeno was just so damn confusing. 

-

The next day was homecoming and it was daunting to say the least. You weren’t even planning on going but you already bought a ticket and Yeri was persistent on how you shouldn’t let the lack of a date get in the way of your senior year plans.

The first thing you saw when you walked into the gymnasium was Karina with her arm around Jeno’s. You weren’t sure what hurt most, the fact that he looked so handsome in a suit, or the fact that he was here with the girl you hated the most. 

Yeri saw you glancing at Jeno and his date and immediately pulled you to check out the food selection. 

Looks like all homecoming had to offer was off-branded chips and cookies. Xiaojun and Yeri took a bite of the chocolate chip cookie before tossing it out. You couldn’t even blame them. They were stale but it didn’t stop you from stuffing your mouth. 

In the meantime, Yeri poured you some punch and encouraged you to slow down on the cookies. “Brighten up, homecoming might’ve not been what you were expecting but it’s our last one, so let's make the most of it.”

“You’re right,” you sighed. “I just hate how I’m all alone and Jeno is with Karina. I still hate how dumb I was. I should’ve believed you right away when you said they were messing around. I just thought he was different.” 

Yeri didn’t know what else to do but distract you. “Hey you love this song,” she cheered while wiggling her hips, “dance with me?” she reached for your hand.

You felt bad, not wanting to interfere with their night. “It’s fine, go have fun with Xiaojun,” you assured her.

“One dance,” Yeri proposed. “Babe, you too, you can find your friends later” she turned to her boyfriend.

“Fine,” you rolled your eyes playfully. 

-

The one dance turned into one hour as the song kept changing from hit to hit. It wasn’t until the DJ played a slow song that you opted out of. Yeri and Xiaojun could take it from there. 

You made your way to a vacant table near the back and watched as all the couples danced. Your eyes drifted to Jeno who was slowly dancing with Karina. You couldn’t help but compare yourself. You looked down at your dress that had rhinestones that decorated the exterior of the top. You didn’t even know why you got all dressed up when you had no one to impress.

Not wanting to look lonely, you poured yourself some punch then made your way out of the gymnasium to the hallway. You took off your heels before sitting down against the lockers a few steps away from the entrance. You didn’t mean to cry, but in the moment, you felt like crying. You took a sip of your fruit punch and let the faint music drown your thoughts. You stayed like that for a while.

-

Meanwhile inside of the gymnasium, Jeno found solace with his teammates. He needed to get away from Karina. She was starting to get on his nerves. Just how much could that girl talk?

Jeno had spotted Yeri and Xiaojun dancing to the music but you weren't in sight.

Moments passed where he scanned the whole gym just to look for you. He was about to go outside when Karina found him again and wrapped her arms around him. 

The homecoming queen and king announcement was about to begin and Karina kept going on about how she was going to win. Jeno wanted to rip his hair out at how annoying she was. 

A while later, Jeno, Karina, along with all the people running, came to the stage. Jeno wished the person with the mic would hurry up and announce the winners already. He didn’t care about any of it. Noy the dance. Not Karina. Not being king. 

In the end, Karina was crowned homecoming queen and Jeno was crowned homecoming king. 

Jeno scanned the crowd for you but nothing. All the clapping and cheering from his fellow classmates was only making him more frustrated. He never wanted any of this.

He quickly gave his speech and waited for Karina to make her speech. He was about to run off after the pictures when Karina pulled on his arm to whisper in his ear. “Give me this dance then you can chase after that bitch I don’t care. If you ruin this for me, you’ll regret this.”

Jeno glared at her threat and whispered back in her ear, “You better keep your promise,” he grumbled. He has never hated Karina more but he had to keep his composure in front of everyone. 

As Jeno was slow dancing with Karina, all he could think about was you. He couldn’t wait until the dance was over so he could look for you. 

-

“Y/N! There you were, I was looking for you everywhere,” Yeri sighed in relief. “What are you doing on the floor, get up.”

Yeri helped pull you up while you gnawed on the empty cup. You had been listening to the homecoming king and queen announcements outside the gym and heard how Jeno and Karina won queen and king. You were happy for them. Truly. “How’s Jeno? Does he look happy dancing with Karina?” you ask Yeri. A part of you wanted her to say yes just so you could get over Jeno once and for all. 

“Not really, let's forget about him though,” Yeri sighed. “Xiaojun and his friends are going to get some real food though. How does burgers and fries sound?”

“I guess it sounds good.”

“Great, come on, Xiaojun is already in the limo.”

“Wait!” A familiar voice pulled you to a halt. “Please, I just want to apologize.”

Jeno froze as he took in how beautiful you looked up close. If things were different– if things went his way, he would’ve danced with you tonight. Instead, he had to dance with someone else and faced the consequences of his own actions.

“Come on,” Yeri rushed but you didn’t move. 

You wanted to hear what he had to say. 

“Please Y/N, I’m sorry for yesterday. I was drunk and angry. I know it doesn’t justify anything but please, I just want things to be okay with us again.” The way you looked back at him was so heartbreaking and he knew it was all because of him. 

“It’s fine, Jeno. Just go back to Karina and leave me alone.”

“There’s nothing going on with me and her,” he said dryly. He felt defeated. 

You didn’t reply and turned to leave with Yeri. There was no use in talking to him when all he did was lie. 

-

The following week, the players knew they had an earful coming. The captain was conditioning and being rough on the players for losing. He did the usual for practice. The teammates were split into teams to do rounds then practiced offensive and defensive positions the following days. Only, it was more intense. Jeno was unfortunate enough to have a contact injury during practice. 

A week had passed and news of Jeno’s minor injury spread like wildfire throughout the school. You saw him around the hallway and he looked fine but how could you be so sure? You couldn’t help but be worried about him. You tried to ignore his presence around the school but everywhere you turned, there was a reminder of him. The posters on the wall of him and football. The grassy fields and even the juice from the cafeteria reminded you of the first day you met him. He was everywhere.

“Are you okay?” Yeri asked you, pulling you out of your daze.

“What?” 

“Were you thinking about him who shall not be named again?” 

“Maybe,” you sighed, glancing down at your desk to see your blank notebook. “He got injured at practice last week,” you reminded her. 

“He’s fine, don’t worry about him. Here, you can copy my notes,” Yeri offered, seeing how distracted you were.

“Thanks, I just need to use the restroom first.”

After asking your teacher to use the restroom, she gave you the hallway pass and you walked to the nearest bathroom which was in the building adjacent to yours. Eager to feel more awake, you splashed your face with water from the sink. 

“How’s it going with you and Jeno?” a familiar voice asked.

You wiped your face with a paper towel then turned to the direction the voice came from beside you. Karina was fixing her bangs and reapplying her makeup in the mirror.

“What?” you asked. 

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” she sighed. “I said how are things going with you and Jeno?” she sighed, now leaning against the sink to face you. 

“Why do you care?” 

“I don’t. I’m just asking,” she shrugged. “He seems to really like you although I don't know why.”

“I told you there’s no competition. Just be with him already, I don’t care.”

She chortled. “I don’t want him anymore. I deserve better and quite frankly trash deserves trash.”

“Okay, insult me all you want, I don’t care. I’m leaving.” You turned your heels to leave when she said, “Jeno’s in love with you,” causing you to stop in your tracks. “What?” You turned around, not understanding why she kept messing with you. 

She pursed her lips. “I guess he hasn’t told you yet… Although I don’t see what he sees in you, he seems to love you. You should forgive him.”

“He told you this? Word for word that he loved me?” 

“Ask him yourself” she said, before putting her lipstick back in her bag. She didn’t say anything else after that and just strutted out of the restroom, leaving you dumbfounded and distraught. You took her words with a grain of salt. There was no way he loved you. As much as you didn’t want to believe Karina, you couldn't help but think about the conversation on your way back to your class.

-

After the bell rang, Yeri walked you to your next class. On the way, you couldn’t help noticing Jeno in the hallway. He was walking alone and looked so sad. He loves you, the words Karina said resonated in your head. It was driving you insane. 

“Come on Y/N, don’t even look at him,” Yeri urged, but you couldn’t get your eyes off him. Jeno seemed to have noticed you staring at him too and jogged towards you from the other side of the hallway.

“Great, he’s heading towards us.” Yeri groaned.

“Hey,” Jeno said softly.

“Hi,” you replied.

“The bell is about to ring. I’m gonna go, are you going to be okay?” Yeri asked you while glaring at Jeno.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you replied and Yeri walked up the stairs to her next class. 

“I know I already apologized, but I really do mean it. I'm sorry for what happened at the party. I don’t expect you to forgive me, I know it was wrong to push your friend and about what I said, I’m really sorry, it just came out, I was just so annoyed with myself and your friend acted like a jealous boyfriend and I don’t know what got into me. He was only standing up for you and I didn’t mean for things to end like that-“

“It’s okay,” you blurted out, putting an end to his rambling. The bell rang right after you spoke up. You didn’t completely forgive him yet you also didn’t want to hate him anymore. “How’s your head? I heard you got injured last week.”

“Oh yeah, it was just a minor injury. Nothing serious.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah.”

You hated how awkward it was. Even when you first met, it was never this awkward. 

Jeno gripped onto the strap of his backpack. “So are we friends again? Things will be different this time, I promise.” 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea Jeno.”

“Come on, how can you just act like there was nothing between us? We were friends before weren’t we?” he pleaded. 

“How can you act like I wasn’t just a dare to you Jeno? Do you think you’ll say sorry and everything will just be okay, we’ll be friends again?”

“What do you want me to do then? I can’t change the past, all we can do is move on.” Jeno knew you still cared about him regardless of how you were pushing him away. He just had to be patient and time would heal everything. He was sure of it. 

“I don’t know. I just need time.” You were so tired of being mad at him. You wanted to forgive him, you really did.

“Take all the time you need,” Jeno nodded, before stepping backwards. “You know where to find me.”

And just like that, he strolled away with a piece of your heart. For some reason, you felt dejected. 

-

The week before winter exams, you were filling your time studying. You had a stack of review packets from your teachers on your desk and you were exhausted. Perhaps you were delirious, even because you had no idea what you were doing but you drove to Jeno’s house. You didn’t know what you were even going to say yet but something inside you just wanted to see him. 

When you made it to his front doorstep, you rang the doorbell, anxiously picking at your cuticles. You waited and waited. In a split second of realizing this was a bad idea, you were about to walk away when the door finally opened.

“Hi,” Jeno said. His hair was all disheveled and he was in a baggy hoodie and basketball shorts. He just looked so comfortable and huggable.

“Hi,” your voice was barely above a whisper.

“So what are you doing here?” He closed the front door and stepped towards you.

“I honestly don't know. I guess I just wanted to see you. Can we talk?” You took a seat on the bench that was on the front porch.

“Yeah, sure.” Jeno ran his hand through his hair before taking a seat next to you too.

You blew air into your hands as an attempt to warm them up. It was so chilly outside and it only made you more nervous as you chose your words carefully. “I don’t know why I’m here,” you admitted. “I’m supposed to be studying right now but I just couldn’t stop thinking about you,” you admitted. 

“I can’t stop thinking about you either.”

You smiled at that, now glancing over at him and you practically melted under his gaze. He was so attractive under the moonlight and your heart only swelled.

“Did you even need help with calculus?” you began, referring to the day you met him. It was always on your mind to ask but you never got the chance. 

Jeno sighed. “Honestly? I never needed help with calculus. I actually needed help with world history but you didn’t teach it so I just pretended to be bad at math.”

For some reason, his response made you chortle. “I had a feeling. You caught onto the material so fast. And if you still want to. Do you still want to be friends?” A part of you also wanted to ask him if he had loved you like Karina claimed but it wasn’t the right time. Another day, you supposed. 

“Yeah, of course.” Jeno smiled.

-

The next week, Xiaojun came to you saying that Jeno apologized to him. That made you happy. Although Xiaojun still disliked Jeno, you forgave him. Your memories brought you back to the night you left Jeno’s porch after catching up with him. You felt like the weight in your heart melted away. 

You spent the rest of the week reconciling with Jeno. You let him walk you to class. You ate lunch with him. You laughed with him. And you even let him back in your heart as friends. You really felt like he had changed. The night before exams, you even spent the whole day at his house, studying with him. You were cozied up on his bedroom floor, leaned against the side of his bed. You quizzed him on his classes and he quizzed you on yours for what seemed like forever before he called for a break. 

“So what are you going to do when school’s out?” he asked, tossing his flashcards to the side. 

“I’m not sure. I think my aunt and grandma are coming to visit. How about you?”

“I don’t know, but I’m nervous. I don’t know how the holidays are going to work out with my mom and dad. I’m probably going to have to go back and forth.”

“I’m sure it’ll be okay. Look on the bright side, two Christmases to look forward to,” you smiled, encouraging him to cheer up.

“I guess you’re right.” Jeno reconsidered and looked down at his hands in a pensive state. 

“What’s wrong?” You scooted closer to him, pulling his hands down from his face.

Jeno glanced up at you then scanned your face. He hadn’t been this close to you in what seemed like forever. You were so close to him and your lips looked so inviting. He could hear your breathing and the sound of your heart thumping against your chest. Just for a moment, he wondered what it would be like to kiss you, so he did. He leaned forward and closed the space between you and him. 

You didn’t know what to do but to kiss him back. You reached for his neck and pulled him even closer. The next thing you knew, you were on his lap and his hands were on your waist, not daring to go any lower. His fingers trailed underneath your top and his thumbs circled your bare skin leaving you breathless. 

“I love you,” Jeno muttered against your lips. 

“Jeno,” you breathed. Reality crashed back down the moment you looked into his eyes. You couldn’t do it. You couldn’t be here right now, knowing how you loved him too. You got off his lap and began to look for your bag. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this. I should go.”

“Wait,” Jeno jumped up. 

“This was a bad idea. I just wanted to be friends, Jeno.” 

“You’re lying to yourself if you think we can be just friends.”

“Well, we can’t do this Jeno. I can’t be with you.”

“Why? Is there someone else?”

“It’s not that. I just can’t, okay? I’m really trying to just leave this all behind us, but I can’t no matter how hard I try. I just need to go.”

Jeno didn’t chase after you that night. He couldn’t get over the fact that he had hurt you too. 

-

Exam week passed by in a blur. 

It was now winter break and Jeno had spent his days thinking about you and what you were up to. Jeno wasn’t sure if you wanted to see him too but he had to apologize for that night. He had to make things right no matter how much you pushed him away. 

He took a deep breath before he rang the doorbell. His lips curved into a smile  the moment he saw your face. 

“What are you doing here?” You were surprised to see Jeno, but you didn’t exactly hate the fact that he was here. You knew that he’d want to talk eventually. 

Before Jeno could speak, Minji called out your name and ran towards you.

Minji hugged your legs and she looked even more grown than the last time. You’ve missed her. “How are you?” you cooed as you kneeled down to her.

“I miss you so much Y/N. I wanted you to come over but Jeno kept saying no. He’s so mean,” she teased as she glared back at her brother. 

Jeno walked towards you. “Hey.”

“Hey.” You forced a smile at him. You then looked back at Minji. “Remember my little brother? Niki is in his room playing Minecraft, do you wanna go play with him?” you asked Minji. 

“Niki!” she squealed as she ran up the stairs. 

“So what’s up?” you asked, taking a seat on the first step of the stairs. 

Jeno followed, taking the vacant spot beside you. “I wanted to ask how your exams went.”

“They were fine. Is that all?”

“And I wanted to say that I’m sorry for the other day. I shouldn’t have kissed you. I know you wanted to be just friends but I thought maybe I could change your mind which I shouldn’t have done. I’ll respect your wishes from now on. I just want us to be friends again, that’s all. Nothing more.”

“That’s not why I’ve been avoiding you Jeno.”

“Was it because I told you I loved you?”

“No it wasn’t. It’s just- How can you just act like I wasn’t just a dare to you? Goddaamit Jeno.” Frustrated, you brought your hands to your face. 

“So you still haven’t forgiven me..”

You looked back up at him. “I’m trying, it’s just everytime I look at your face, all I see is Karina on top of you and her dancing with you at homecoming. I thought I was over it but I’m not.” 

He reached for your hand. “Can you just trust me this once? I have never messed around with Karina. That night I was using the bathroom at the party, she must’ve followed me and waited until I got out because when I came out of the bathroom, she just kissed me and pushed me onto the bed. I was trying to push her off when you came in. I was telling the truth that day. And that day at homecoming? It was the only way to get her off my back. I told her to leave our relationship alone and she agreed but only if I was beside her for homecoming. Haven’t you noticed how she’s left us alone now? I swear I haven’t talked to her since that night. I only ever agreed to run with her because she kept asking too and I really did bail on her at the end but then she made the promise and I really just wanted her to leave us alone so I went with her. Please believe me,” Jeno pleaded as he squeezed your hand in between his. So Karina was telling the truth. “And I know the dare was a shitty thing but I don't regret it one bit. If I never went through with the dare, I wouldn't have gotten to know you. And meeting you was the best thing that has ever happened to me this year, can you trust that? I meant it that night when I said I love you. I still do and it’s okay if you don’t love me back. I just want us to be okay again.” 

You shed a tear when Jeno poured his heart out. “Okay. I forgive you. For real this time. But only because you have such a way with words,” you smiled.

“Good,” he smiled. “Because I love you.”

“Jeno,” you sighed. “I met with Karina in the restroom the other day and she told me that you said that you loved me.” You looked at him, hoping he would elaborate. 

“I said I liked you, but I do love you too,” Jeno admitted. “I told her to leave you alone too but I guess she broke her promise. Did she bother you?”

“No. She was being quite nice actually.”

[ Flashback: The night of the homecoming party after the fight with Xiaojun ]

Jeno was tired of everything. He had lost the homecoming game and yet he couldn’t even find it within himself to care. Not when he messed up everything with you. He had his chance to make things right but then that Xiaojun dude just had to show up. He was so angry at himself. He wanted to just drink every thought away but then he thought about it. Drinking would just be useless. 

He was swirling his drink around in his cup when Karina walked up to him. She smiled which caused him to roll his eyes. He was about to walk away when she grabbed at his arm, trying to convince him to see her as more than just a classmate. 

“Come on Jeno, I’m right here. Can’t you see that I like you? I’ve been chasing you for years now, are you really gonna play hard to get still?”

“Are you that dumb?” He was tired of being nice as he went off in her face. “I don’t like you and I never will.”

“Is it Y/N? People are saying you actually fell for that band nerd. Is it true? You really did like her?” 

“I do. And you know why? Because she’s a good person unlike you. I’ll never even as much as like you so just go away,” he spat, eyes boring in hers to make sure his distaste was clear. 

“You’re still hung up on that bitch? Isn’t that pathetic?” she asked genuinely. 

“Watch your mouth,” he warned as he diverted his attention towards Karina again. “If anything, you’re the pathetic one. I’ve tried to be nice but I’ve had it with you so move.” He pulled his arm out of her grip then began to walk away only to be stopped again by her hand. From the corner of his eye, he saw you leaving the house with your friends and stood frozen when you locked eyes with him. His heart sank when you diverted your gaze. 

“Jeno-“ Karina pleaded, seeing how he was staring at you. She tugged at his arm only to be met with a grunt. “I’ll leave you and her alone,” Karina began in a desperate attempt. “Just go to homecoming with me please. Be homecoming king. Your name is already in the running and you promised me at the start. Please, just this once. Do me one last favor and I’ll never talk to you again after that. I’ll even help you get her back, just please.”

Jeno turned to face her. “You want to be homecoming queen and king with me that bad?”

“Yes.” She gripped his arm even tighter. “It’s everything to me. Just go with me for one night. Then I’ll leave you and her alone forever.”

“Fine. But don’t help me get her back. Do nothing. All I want is for you to leave us both alone.”

“Deal,” she was on the verge of tears, feeling utterly heartbroken because of Jeno. 

“You better keep that promise,” Jeno said sternly and Karina knew better than to say anything else.

[ Present ] 

You felt a tear trickle down your cheek after hearing how he defended you. 

Jeno’s hand went to your cheek and his thumb swiped over the tear. 

“I like you too,” you said with a smile. “And I love you too.”

“I love you too… So do you still want to be just friends or should we finish what we started the other day in my room?” He said while raising his eyebrows suggestively. Jeno was his usual self again, enjoying how flustered you looked right now. 

“Oh my god, shut up. My aunt is upstairs, she could hear you,” you whispered after flicking his arm. “Come on, let's go to Niki’s room and see what they built in Minecraft.” You stood up, holding out your hand. 

“Can’t we just go to your room instead?” Jeno whined playfully while grabbing your hand. 

You rolled your eyes while trying to bite back a smile. “Nice try, but no.”

For the rest of the day, Jeno stayed over at your house and even met the rest of your family. He played board games and even watched TV with them too and they all loved him. Everything was starting to fall into place. 

Even though Jeno had hurt you, it was all in the past now. After all, if it hadn't been for the stupid dare, you wouldn’t have met the boy you loved.       

[mieczyhale]

[softpine]

coco save me cocoooooo save meeee

[eddsworldstuck]

"hey Joker, how's it going? with writing or just, anything."

i blacked out and wrote some of two different chapters for two different acts

[mashmouths]

it has never been more over actually

[cynical-cemeteries]

i've been wanting this for awhile actually but i wanna see more New Characters in the game that aren't like. existing timeline variations of our current cast

like the game's story reasoning for Why we even have multiple versions of the same character is genuinely super cool and fun

but i wanna see characters in our future story + playable roster that are just. completely unheard of

the only New People we're gonna see become recruitable are aran, ian, & biryu,, and even then like...we have 3 or so updates left in the year to actually see them in the game as playable heroes

[roaringroa]

i’m not crazy for shopping but there is a very confidence building feeling when i find something in my style that fits me 

[louisa-gc]

how to start reading again

from someone who was a voracious reader until high school and is now getting back into it in her twenties.

start with an old favourite. even though it felt a little silly, i re-read the harry potter series one christmas and it wiped away my worry that i wasn't capable of reading anymore. they are long books, but i was still able to get completely immersed and to read just as fast as i had years and years ago.

don't be afraid of "easier" books. before high school i was reading the french existentialists, but when getting back into reading, i picked up lucinda riley and sally rooney. not my favourite authors by far, but easier to read while not being totally terrible. i needed to remind myself that only choosing classics would not make me a better or smarter person. if a book requires a slower pace of reading to be understood, it's easier to just drop it, which is exactly what i wanted to avoid at first.

go for essays and short stories. no need to explain this one: the shorter the whole, the less daunting it is. i definitely avoided all books over 350 pages at first and stuck to essay collections until i suddenly devoured donna tartt's goldfinch.

remember it's okay not to finish. i was one of those people who finished every book they started, but not anymore! if i pick up a book at the library and after a few chapters realise i'd rather not read it, i just return it. (another good reason to use your local library! no money spent on books you might end up disliking.)

analyse — or don't. some people enjoy reading more when they take notes or really stop to think about the contents. for me, at first, it was more important to build the habit of reading, and the thought of analysing what i read felt daunting. once i let go of that expectation, i realised i naturally analyse and process what i read anyway.

read when you would usually use your phone. just as i did when i was a child, i try to read when eating, in the bathroom, on public transport, right before sleeping. i even read when i walk, because that's normally a time i stare at my screen anyway. those few pages you read when you brush your teeth and wait for a friend very quickly stack up.

finish the chapter. if you have time, try to finish the part you're reading before closing the book. usually i find i actually don't want to stop reading once i get to the end of a chapter — and if i do, it feels like a good place to pick up again later.

try different languages. i was quickly approaching a reading slump towards the end of my exchange year, until i realised i had only had access to books in english and that, despite my fluency, i was tired of the language. so as soon as i got back home i started picking up books in my native tongue, which made reading feel much easier and more fun again! after some nine months, i'm starting to read in english again without it feeling like a huge task.

forget what's popular. i thought social media would be a fun way to find interesting books to read, but i quickly grew frustrated after hating every single book i picked up on some influencer's recommendation. it's certainly more time-consuming to find new books on your own, but this way i don't despise every novel i pick up.

remember it isn't about quantity. the online book community's endless posts about reading 150 books each year or 6 books in a single day easily make us feel like we're slow, bad readers, but here's the thing: it does not matter at all how many books you read or what your reading pace is. we all lead different lives, just be proud of yourself for reading at all!

stop stressing about it. we all know why reading is important, and since the pandemic reading has become an even more popular hobby than it was before (which is wonderful!). however, there's no need to force yourself to be "a reader". pick up a book every now and then and keep reading if you enjoy it, but not reading regularly doesn't make you any less of a good person. i find the pressure to become "a person who reads" or to rediscover my inner bookworm only distances me from the very act of reading.

[a-b-riddle]

Part Three

Warning: If you don't like Taylor Swift, you're not gonna like this chapter that much, homie. But So Long, London is so fitting for this drabble series. (I guess a series since it's longer than a drabble at this point)

Can’t stop thinking about reader just trying to move on

You had to remind yourself several times not to check in with the guys. It had almost become second nature doing something big like this. But going to another country…

Not that they would care. You told yourself. It was for the best that way.

The expo went better than you expected. You didn’t believe that there would be a line out the door of eager readers wanting to read your book, but you got a decent amount. More than a few told you they couldn’t wait to read it. Several asking for photos and asking questions on any future books, a spin-off or even continuing the series.

When one a particular large group of girls your age asked for a group photo, you could have cried. They were had found each other in an online book club. You had given them your book several months ago. All copies signed with a note thanking them for taking the time to read what you had poured your heart into.

You had spent a large chunk of your free time talking to them. Bonding more so as women than over your book.

"Have you listened to Taylor's new album?"

It had only been out for two days and you had been able to avoid it like the plague. You didn't need to even listen to 'So Long, London' to know it would fucking gut you. So you would enjoy your time in the states. Save the listening experience for when you were packing up their stuff.

They had posted and tagged you before continuing on with the rest of the expo. You had reposted the photo to your own social media. Or at least one attached to the pen name you had crafted. You only had twelve thousand instagram followers, but it was something.

The first day was much like the second. You had attended several Q & A sessions with a panel of more experienced authors and managed to go to a few meet and greets. Before you knew it, it was time to pack up shop.

The agent the publishing house had assigned to you had stuck with you for most of the day. You were able to pick her brain a bit about new ideas for possible future plot lines and her thoughts. Overall, the trip was great.

Not only were you able to make great connections and take a lot back home with you to reference, but for a few days you forgot what waited for you back home. Or rather what wasn't waiting for you.

By the time your plane landed back in London you could barely hold yourself up. You left the expo, went straight to the hotel to shower, pack and head to the airport.

Your flight was delayed. Your luggage was taking forever to get onto the belt. It was only seven, but fuck if you weren’t ready to just call it a day. Tomorrow you would have to start again. Opening up the shop. Coming back to an empty flat. Maybe start gathering up the items the boys had left behind.

Should you give them in separate boxes or just one giant one and let them sort it out themselves? It was easy to discern whose sweatshirt and t-shirts belonged to who, but when it got to things like socks and chargers...

Yeah.

They could sort it themselves.

You could drop it off at Kyle's when you knew he would be at the gym. He was good at avoiding you anyway.

It wasn't until you stood in your apartment did it hit you.

You were alone.

For the first time in over a year you couldn't call one of them over to soothe that ache of loneliness.

For the first time in over a year, you had to relearn how to handle just being alone.

You usually showered at night. Washing away the grime of the day before settling into bed. But today was a new chapter. You woke up wanting to start it on a good note. Plus you went straight to bed after getting home so you still had a bit of airport funk on you.

It had been a week. One official since you had sent that text nailing the coffin shut. You had touched base with your friends who didn't bat an eye at you dating four men at once. They liked them, even if Simon scared them. You didn't give them the details of the breakup or the cause. You were pretty private in your problems and if you wanted relationship advice, you would seek an unbiased unopinion.

You had a good group of friends, but the moment you told them that you were well and truly heartbroken, they would insist the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Something you were nowhere near ready for.

So you needed to look like you had your shit together. You put on a dress that was feminine and, most importantly, comfy as fuck. An A-line floral frock paired with a light sweater and some white trainers. You knew a few of your friends would be stopping by for tea so you need to look like you were taking the separation well. Even if you were barely holding it together.

With makeup and perfume on, you started the early morning stroll to your shop.

You loved openings. Starting up the register and selecting the playlist for today. Picking out the essential oil to put in the diffuser even though you mostly stuck with a lavender and vanilla blend during the spring months.

For the morning you stuck with a Taylor Swift Instrumental playlist you had found initially for studying, but you liked the peaceful feeling it brought. Even when it covered the most gut wrenching songs.

You had started to collect the online orders that had accumulated over the last week. Sending out the e-mails alerting to your patrons that their orders were ready for pick up. Luckily you weren't set to receive a delivery until tomorrow.

It was eight and everything was set. Although not many people came to a bookstore at eight in the morning, it really didn't bother you opening up that early considering you were the only employee that was on the payroll. It gave you the possibility of making money, but mostly you spent the morning reading or writing.

You flipped the sign over from CLOSED to OPEN. Ready to start take on the day.

You had turned the kettle on in the back room when your friends had stopped by around lunch. You always said it was just tea, but you always had an array of snacks on standby for you all to munch on.

Meredith was complaining about what a dick the new client at the law firm was being. An absolute slime who had been married to his wife for almost twenty-five years before he decided to fuck his twenty-two year old assistant.

Tabitha didn't want to talk about work. To her, her career in tech was just a paycheck. She did what she needed to do and left when she was done.

You talked about the expo and how your book. Although neither of them really read, they had promised that they would read your book. You didn't hold your breath. They had reposted your posts as well as making ones of their owns in celebration of you. Words of praise about your dedication and hard work.

You realized that even though they couldn't give you the support you needed as readers, they supported you blindly. You could have written absolute garbage, but they would still support you.

You talked about how many people liked your book and wanted pictures and to sign their copies.

Then came the question you had been rehearsing since you had texted them a week ago. They both shared a look before Meredith finally asked.

"How are you holding up?" You gave a half-smile and a shrug. So perfectly rehearsed in your head you were ready to deliver your lies lines.

"I'm fine," you lied. "It was just fading so there isn't much of a difference, I guess." Not necessarily a lie. "We just wanted different things and were on different paths in life." Not a lie. "It's for the best." You weren't sure if that last one was a lie or not just yet.

They both shared a passing look before returning their gazes back to you. "You know you can come to us about this stuff." Tabitha's hand reached across the table, placing a hand on top of yours.

"It wasn't going to work out." You added. "Situations like that don't and I should have known better."

"A situation?" Meredith asked. "When have you ever called it a situation?"

"It always was one."

"I love you enough to call bullshit." She raised her eyebrow at you, crossing her arms over her chest. "You loved them and you need to stop pretending this is easy."

"You're a divorce lawyer, Mere," You reminded. "You see marriages fall apart every day."

"I do. I get to see from across the table how a woman is still willing to take her cheating arse of a husband back. So the fact that you went from on cloud nine with all of them to not even talking about the break up is concerning to say the least."

"Tabitha," you looked at your only ally left. "A little back up would be nice."

"I'm with her on this one." She confirmed. "You loved them. Not that I cared, but if you weren't talking about books or the shop, you were talking about them. What you did, where you went. How they fucked you."

"I think I'll miss that part the most." Mere sighed. "I lived vicariously through you."

"You know you could actually date people." Tabitha suggested.

"I'd rather live with chronic carpal tunnel than a man." You almost choked on your tea. If you were wearing pearls you would have used the comedic relief of clutching them to break the awkwardness of the current topic of conversation.

"That should be put on a t-shirt." You suggested

"I wouldn't mind it on a welcome mat to be honest." Tabitha added.

"But in all seriousness, cut this bullshit." Meredith gave you an sympathetic smile. "We're here. Good, bad and ugly."

You returned her smile. "I know."

You had closed up shop for the evening. Your lunch had gone longer than expected so now you were left doing the dishes and clean up during closing. You were setting the last cup on the drying rack when you heard the front door chime.

Shit.

You must have forgotten to lock the door when you turned the sign.

“I’m sorry!” You apologized, making your way out of the back break area and to the front of the store. “We’re-”

“Closed.” He said, locking the door behind him. “I saw the sign.”

[pirateprincessblog]

outlaw

𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫.: you wish there would be a time you could call your life boring again. before all the mess, before the town fell apart, before your father disowned you. before jeong yunho. 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: jeong yunho x f!reader 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 11.1k 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: wild west theme, cowboy!yunho, bartender!reader 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: praising, claiming, dacryphilia, marking, size kink, oral, unprotected sex, outdoor sex

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: violence, weapons, alcohol consumption, murder, slight gore, attempted SA 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: django performance might be the reason why i switched from hongjoong to yunho after four years of being loyal. NOT PROOFREAD I AM IMPATIENT I HAD TO POST IT BEFORE GOING TO BED! <3

𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐫: 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐲.

"another one, sweetheart."

i'm not your sweetheart, you wanted to mutter. but you bit your tongue, remembering that your father is somewhere in the room. so you have no other choice but to approach the loud, messy table, and pour the greasy dirty man another glass of whatever alcohol you had in hand. it didn't matter anymore, as long as it filled his stomach.

"that's a good girl," he roars with laughter, heavy hand landing on your bottom and making you jolt.

your eyes seek your father, silently asking for help. but no help comes. instead, he points to a different table that demands attention, and leaves the saloon. you stand still, voices muffling around you. your neatly put bun is now falling apart, strands loose on your face and sticking due to sweat, your clothes are heavy on you, and your hands will soon start shaking if you don't take a break from all the work. from early mornings, to even earlier ones the next day, you are destined to be a servant on your own father's property. you wonder if this will last forever. pouring alcohol, dodging flying chairs and tables, taking the harassment so you can survive for another month.

if this really is your future, then what is the point of living? will he marry you off to one of these men? or will he keep you as his servant until the end of his days? you remember the day everything changed for you. you had just come back from the city, finishing the school day. barely a teen, hand in hand with your best friends. your father sat you in the empty saloon, putting his hands on your shoulders.

"you're quitting school."

just a month after you buried your mother, he told you that. there was nobody to help him, he had to fire his staff, and laid his trust into you. the business was crazy that week. who wouldn't want to come and see the owner's little daughter serving alcohol? those men congratulated your father on your birth, watched you play on the street, went to your mother's funeral and wailed with you, came to the saloon to see you struggle with bottles and glasses, only later to have their filthy hands all over you as soon as you turned eighteen. it doesn't stop, no matter how many times you ask. the pleading only makes them do it more, those sick bastards. and each one of them have a wife waiting at home, and a child comforting her.

"hey, bitch, over here!"

monday was a peaceful day. no work, not at the saloon at least. but a basket full of dirty old clothes awaits by the door, waiting to be washed. it is a cold autumn morning, the sun very low in the sky and not warming at all. you drag your feet across the field, hands red from the weight of the basket and the frost. your dress catches onto various branches and bushes, but you do not look back. you need to be done before noon, so you can make lunch for your father.

reaching the river, you drop the basket on the dying grass. a few flowers are still scattered here and there, fighting their way through the cold morning dew. as you scrub your father's shirt on the washboard, you notice just how old those clothes have gotten. you both need new ones, you cannot be walking around looking like the poorest people in town, while owning a saloon. but your father sees no value in those things. talking to him is like talking to a wall that might hit you if you say something it doesn't like. so you keep your mouth shut.

the used, thin washboard suddenly snaps under your hands, a piece of wood jamming into your skin and making you yelp. your skin being almost frozen from being in cold water, and then getting pierced, makes you finally break down. you hug your knees to your chest, and bury your head into the muddy dress. you're cold, in pain, and you miss your mother. your friends. the life you had, and the life you were supposed to have.

sometimes, you selfishly blamed your mother for dying. if she was still here, you could've had a life just like your friends. finding a job in the big city, a man too, a decent one. not this.

you hide your hands in the ruffles of your worn out dress, seeking warmth. you cannot go back home without washing the rest of the clothes, and the sun is rising faster than you want it to. noon will come by soon, and you will have two tasks unfinished. your father won't be pleased.

a distant neigh and galloping have your attention, your head curiously turning to see who it could be. your heart almost sinks when you see the speed the horses are headed at towards you, but with legs and bum frozen on the ground, you cannot move. all you can do is close your eyes in defeat, hoping for the best.

the gallop stops, now switching to a trot. you open your eyes, and see two shiny horses in front of you. the two men riding them dismount, one of them standing next to his horse and taking the leash from the other one. the taller man adjusts his hat, gaze fixed on the floor, and fastens his holster. you gulp, seeing the shiny revolver resting on his hip. then, he raises his head to finally look at you. you almost forget the potential danger of the situation once you look at his brown eyes. he is tall. very tall. and absolutely gorgeous. you look away, suddenly aware of how you look. heavens, what a perfect timing.

"oh, it's just a doe." he says, voice soft and sweet. he tilts his head, trying to get you to look at him. when you don't, he takes a step closer to you, careful not to scare you away. "came for a morning refreshment?"

you don't respond. instead, you look at the man behind him. he stands still, leashes in his hands. his clothes are a bit more rugged than the ones on the man in front of you, but it fits his image very well. then, your eyes betray you end lay on the man in front of you again. he wears a brown leather jacket with fringes, dark blue jeans, and matching brown boots. his brown hat sits perfectly on his head, giving him a mysterious look. he notices you staring, and only chuckles softly. he reaches into his saddlebag, retrieving something wrapped in a white cloth.

"hungry?"

this time, your stomach is the one that betrays you. it decides to grumble as soon as you shake your head no, making the man chuckle again.

"go on, you can have it. you look like you need it."

he holds it out for you to take, closing the distance further. you step back, remembering your father's words.

"no speaking to other men outside of the saloon. if i see you do that, i will personally declare you a whore. nobody will want to marry you, and you'll be alone for the rest of your life."

charming. the man doesn't give up, as he steps further towards you. you step back again, hunger, fear and curiosity fighting inside of you and making you sick to your stomach.

"it's alright. it's just food, i don't mean you any harm."

but he doesn't know what words ring inside your head. taking another step back, your heart almost stops once again. you have stepped into the shallow river, your body losing balance following. the handsome cowboy drops the item on the floor, and firmly grabs your waist and pulls you back to stand on the grass. you instinctively grab onto his shoulders for support, and he pulls your body into his. you breathe out when your chest collides with his, overwhelmed by the situation.

"clumsy girl," he teases.

you can't make yourself move, not only because you don't want to, but because his grip is firm on your waist. he safely moves you away from the water and removes one hand from your body, only to move the loose strands of hair from your face.

"wyatt," he calls.

the other man steps towards the two of you, not uttering a word.

"you go on. i'll catch up with you."

without protest, he gets on his horse, nods towards his companion, then gallops away. you are left alone with the ridiculously handsome cowboy, now feeling a bit warmer than a few moments ago. the man finally lets go of you, picking up the cloth from the ground. a distant thunder surprises you, and you look over at the scattered clothes. the black clouds over the mountains are covering the blue sky quite fast, and it just seems at this moment that everything is working against you.

you hurriedly collect the remaining dirty clothes, crouching down and brushing it against the half of the washboard as best as you can. your hand is in pain, still dripping red, but your father's consequences are more painful. you'd rather have a hundred more splinters ripping your skin than your father slapping you across the face like he is used to.

the man lets you finish, turning his attention to the horse. in the corner of your eye, you see him caressing the horse's mane. the animal leans into his hand, enjoying the comfort of his warm and caring touch. he looks so tough, yet his actions are a complete opposite.

"if you're done staring, you can join me."

caught red handed, and red cheeked, you turn around to see him sat under the nearby tree, opening the white cloth. he sets it on the ground near him, and folds his arms across his chest. you pick up the now clean clothes, the broken washboard forgotten and floating somewhere further down the field. you sit next to him, the food serving as an imaginary border. he takes his hat off, putting it over his face and rests his head against the tree.

"if you're embarrassed to eat in front of me. now i won't look. eat. please."

and you do. you take a bite of the biscuit, enjoying it like it's your first one ever. you take the chance now that he doesn't see anything to properly look around. his horse is gorgeous, white with brown legs and head. you then look at its owner, still chewing on the biscuit. the more you look at him, the more your stomach feels all fuzzy. is this what it feels like to be attracted to a man? are you finally experiencing a crush?

you should really get home.

thunder grumbles again, causing the horse to become restless.

"shh, you're good." the cowboy says soothingly, not moving from his spot. and the horse listens.

it soothes you too, because you lean against the tree like him, and silently eat. your breathing matches his, and for a moment, you think that he has fallen asleep. until you start feeling drops of rain on your head. you don't say anything. you don't really need to, because the man interrupts his short break by standing up and putting his hand out for you to take. you take it, your hand melting into his as he helps you up. his touch is secure, and gentle. nobody has ever held you this way, and you are afraid you might get used to it. he leads you to his horse, throwing his spare jacket your way.

"i'll take you home."

"no!"

the cowboy scrunches his eyebrows, and abruptly turns towards you. his hand doesn't leave yours, no matter how hard you pull. "she speaks." he says, as if he made an important discovery.

you shake your head frantically, repeating yourself. "no, you can't."

"why?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

"because."

"that's not a valid answer, sunshine."

if your stomach wasn't turning from the difficult situation you have found yourself in, it would turn from the simple nickname coming from his mouth. you aren't quite sure whether you're feeling nervous because of your father, or because of the handsome stranger. you remember that he is just a stranger, no matter in how much awe he has you. if you get on his horse, he could take you anywhere. but if you don't get on his horse, he could simply tie you up and take you with him anyway.

fuck.

"i like to walk." you blurt out, grabbing the basket of clothes and holding it in front of you, as if shielding yourself from him.

"lies."

"please, just leave me alone. thank you for the food, and for, well, not letting me fall into the water, but-"

"does he beat you every day?"

he says it with a tone so serious it has your blood going cold in your veins. his gaze becomes stone cold, dark, and it pierces right through you. seeing your distressed face, he steps towards you again, moving your hair away from your neck. the bruise you thought you so cleverly hid now uncovered in front of him. funny how a potentially dangerous stranger shows more interest in it than the town.

"or only when you do something wrong?"

"i don't see how that's any of your business."

"it isn't. however, if you want it to stop, you might have to make it my business."

you wish for nothing more than for it to stop. but exactly how does this man plan to make it his business? talk to your father? teach him a lesson? or the worst?

"i'll tell you what. i'll bring you just to the hill so nobody sees us, and you think about what i said until then."

you nod, defeated. you really need to get home as quick as possible and get started on the lunch. the cowboy helps you up on the horse, then climbs behind you. this is the closest you've ever been to a man, and if you weren't sneakily reading those short romance stories in the back of the discarded newspaper, you would think that you are becoming ill by how hot your cheeks feel. when he grabs the leash, also helping you hold the basket in the process, you take your time to admire his hands. pretty pale fingers, slightly muddy from maybe hours or days of riding. he smells of whiskey, vanilla and a hint of tobacco. you allow yourself a moment of weakness, closing your eyes and inhaling the scent. it doesn't help the way his warm chest and torso are pressed against your back, rubbing against you with each horses gallop.

when you open your eyes, you are disappointed to see the hill. it means that the short little adventure with the mystery cowboy has come to an end, and that you might never see him again. it's all up to you. and you hate that.

he helps you down, then fixes the ruffles of your dress that were slightly turned upwards from riding while you are occupied with the clothes in the basket.

"well?" he finally says, seeing that you have no intention of speaking first.

"i'll be fine." you lie.

you almost miss the way he bites the inside of his cheek from disappointment. almost. he nods, understandingly, and approaches you. for the last time, maybe. he takes your hand in his, thumb rubbing over the place where your splinter is. "take care of that. wouldn't want such pretty hands to be in pain or have a scar."

he kisses the back of it, eyes not once leaving yours. you almost shiver, from the cold and from his touch.

"thank you for your company, dove. we must part ways now, but i do hope i see you again one day. you are too pretty to forget."

he takes his hat off to say his goodbye, then climbs back on his horse. with a sweet smile and a nod, he gallops away. you stand there and watch, heart swelling with sadness. you watch and watch, until he becomes just a small little dot in the distance.

weeks pass, and your life dynamic does not change. you still serve drunk perverts, avoid sexual offers, cook, and freeze yourself by the river. only now, you wake up earlier than usual, and keep looking at your surroundings in hopes of seeing a familiar brown hat. but you never see it. it's been almost two months, and not a single sign from him. maybe for the best. he did look like bad news. very handsome bad news.

you currently sit in a dark corner in the saloon, reading last weeks newspaper for the romance update on the last page. the appearance of the main character morphs into the cowboy in your head. no longer short, blonde haired with blue eyes and bulk figure, but dark haired with a short mullet, with brown eyes and a slender figure. you didn't even catch his name, yet you shamelessly daydream about him.

the doors of the saloon aggressively swing, startling you and breaking your bubble. you turn the newspaper upside down, hiding your little secret. a young man, known as denver, stands at the entrance, face pure horror. your father approaches him, putting his hands on his shoulders to calm him down.

"what's wrong, boy?"

denver barely gets his sentence out, before countless gallops are heard outside, accompanied with various screams. "he's here."

"who is?"

"the stallion."

you have never seen your father scared. and that scared you even more. he took a step back, abandoning the young man. the saloon became a mess, everyone pushing each other on the way to the exit, but suddenly coming to a halt. you stand up, taking your place behind the bar. the people are stepping back, slowly, still facing towards the doors. they separate in two groups, making way for the intruder. and when your eyes land on the intruder, you swear your heart could jump right on the bar in front of you.

your cowboy, your mystery man, the man you prayed you'd see again, stands in your saloon. drenched in blood and dust, sweaty, and with a revolver in his hand. the look on his face when he sees you tells you that you weren't meant to see him in this state. but he doesn't say anything. instead, he approaches the bar, along with his companions. they are all a mess, but not as much as him.

"good day, darling."

your stomach twists again, and you have to fight the urge to smile. you can't smile, not when everyone around you is terrified. you clear your throat, collecting any stray thoughts before speaking. "good day, sir."

"two rooms. and two bottles of whiskey waiting for me tonight." he says, a sweet smile on his lips.

"uh, yes-"

"there are no rooms available for you." your father interrupts, making his way to the bar.

the cowboy raises his eyebrow, then looks at your father. "oh?"

"yes. so i'm afraid you'll have to call it a day here."

the young man chuckles, eyes returning to your face. he throws a roll of money on the counter, then pushes is towards your father with his stained revolver. "don't be afraid, we won't."

you feel caged by his gaze, afraid to even move. why are you here, you wanted to ask. and why do you look like that. his clothes might look different, but the look on his face when he looks at you stays the same. in the corner of your eye, you notice someone trying to exit sneakily. but the cowboy also seems to catch it, because he points his trusted weapon toward the ceiling and-

"argh!" the woman screams, pure fear painted on her face.

"nobody leaves, until i get two fucking rooms and two bottles of whiskey. have i made myself clear?" he slams the revolver on the counter, causing you to jolt and step back. "now, if your pretty little daughter said that i can have them, just why the fuck are you meddling?"

defeated, your father takes the money, then nods your way. "show them."

alone?, you wanted to ask. but your tongue feels swollen, and your jaw heavy. you don't say anything. instead, you look at the fearsome cowboy, then proceed upstairs. the three of them follow, not uttering a word. you reach the rooms, opening the doors for them to see. the cowboy nods towards the room, sending them a signal to go in. when the two finally close the door, the dark haired man wastes no time in softly pinning you against the wall, just between the two doors.

"there, there. are you that scared of me, sunshine?"

you swear your eyes couldn't get any wider, and you hate it. you must look like a freak to him. but if you do, he doesn't show any disgust. he removes your hair from your neck once again, letting it fall down your back. his knuckles caress the now yellow spot on the neck, the bruise slowly healing.

his eyes shift from the bruise to your eyes, his gaze softening. "not excited to see me?"

you gulp, figuring which words to use. you are, and you are not. you don't even know.

"that's okay."

his other hand find its spot on the back of your head, slightly tilting it so that the injured side of the neck is more exposed. you feel his warm breath against your skin, growing hotter and closer. you finally let out a noise, it being a whimper rather than a proper word or sentence. soft lips graze your skin, before his tongue delicately swipes across your bruise. your stomach has never felt fuzzier, and your head is in the clouds. all those butterflies you felt while reading the newspaper have now turned into a volcano, waiting to erupt any second. the cowboy continues giving attention to your now sensitive neck, having you tremble in his arms.

he notices, putting his other hand on your waist and pushing you further into the wall, silently ordering you to stay still. he leans his own body into you, warm sensation enveloping you and causing you to moan into his ear.

realizing your horrible mistake, your hands quickly find their way to his firm chest, in an attempt to push him away. but instead, your fingers grip the fabric of his ruined leather jacket, and your head falls completely in his control. his hand massages your scalp, all while his tongue never leaves you. he switches from tender kisses, to kitten licks, and if he doesn't stop soon, you might just drip all over the floor and his shoes. 

as if he heard you, he delivers one final kiss, before he pulls away. "i'll see you downstairs at dinner. thank you for the room, dove. and for the lunch."

hearing the door slam shut, you can finally breathe normally. you are left to tremble against the wall, your neck and underwear wet, all because of him. you rush to one of the empty rooms, at the end of the hallway. you lock it, then toss yourself on the bed. you waste no time in flipping your dress over, your fingers finding the soft folds between your legs. you gasp, more at the state of it than the feeling. you are soaked, your fingers almost slipping from your folds.

you spend a worrying amount of time trying to please yourself somehow, but the buildup is just growing and growing, not giving any signs of erupting soon. no matter how much you picture your handsome cowboy, just a few doors away.

and you don't even know his name.

"did he touch you?"

"what?!"

"i'm serious. did he do anything to you?"

"father-" since when do you care? "he didn't!"

he continues to follow you while you serve the guests, asking questions and demanding to know the truth. "did he say anything?"

"like?"

"anything."

"he asked for a prostitute and i said i'm available tonight."

smack.

nobody turns, already used to your father's free will. you bite the inside of your now stinging hot  cheek, wishing for nothing more than to hit him with the bottle of gin you had in your hand.

"fucking slut. just like your mother. give me that." he yanks the tray from your hands, causing two glasses to fall and shatter. "pick that up, and go to the stables."

"but it's dinner time-"

"judith will help me. go. now."

not only do you end up not eating yourself, but you don't see the man whose lips you're still feeling on you. maybe that's why your father told you to leave, just so you don't see him. is it possible that he knows today isn't the first time you see the cowboy?

you search for his horse, the one you thought was the prettiest one you've seen. but it's not in the stable.

"it got shot. he had to put her down." slowly getting used to sudden intrusions, you turn around. one of his companions sit on a block of hay.

"oh." is all you manage to say.

"a shame, really. especially because she was a present from his wife."

"what?" you turn around, the bucket of carrots falling from your hands.

"ah, he didn't tell you? why would he. he wouldn't be able to get into your pants if you knew he was married. haven't you noticed something shiny on his finger?"

no, no you haven't. because you were so mesmerized by his face and behavior you didn't question whether he has someone waiting for him at home. besides, a married man wouldn't... touch you the way he did?

"ah, poor thing. you thought he had a thing for you? you don't compare to his wife. he's an outlaw after all, our yunho. his wife is a perfect match for him, almost a female version of him. did you know that the bounty on her head is higher than his?"

you feel like you could throw up. from multiple reasons. you let a married man touch you. hell, you touched yourself to a married man. not just an ordinary man, but an outlaw? what if his wife finds out? is she really that dangerous? will you be next on her victim list? not able to contain the emotions any longer, you run to the corner, bending over the blocks of hay and puking on the floor.

"ah, there, there. i'm quite surprised, that was the calmest reaction yet. other women tend to jump at his throat immediately."

other women? the ground sways under your feet, threatening to crumble and swallow you.

"since you're not in a state to speak, i'll answer all the questions in your head. have a seat, please."

you finally take a good look at the man once you sit down, seeing him stand up in front of you. he's no less handsome than the cowboy, yunho, and he is older. but the somewhat evil smirk on his face is off putting. you hold the now empty bucket in your lap, carrots laying on the ground for the horses to feast on. just in case you feel sick again.

"see, while yunho does love his dear wife, she can be a bit of a handful for him. too... dominant for him, one could say. so he seeks submissiveness in other women, just like you. women who are the opposite to lori, women who are, well, nothing. much like you."

his words shoot at your heart, and you know he is right. it just feels disappointing to hear it out loud. were you really a nothing?

"he sleeps with them and whatever, and kindly robs them while they sleep from exhaustion. the rest of us do the same with others, not to worry. it's rude to exclude, don't you think? you know, you should really pay more attention to that notice board next to your house. my head is the third one from the left, right under the mighty stallion."

"why would you tell me this? what's in it for you?"

"my, you speak! what's in it for me? nothing, if i'm being honest. i just happen to be aware of the treatment your father gives you, and i guess the years are starting to catch up to me. i think i feel pity."

"you're going to ask for something in return, aren't you?"

"clever girl, you are." he crouches in front of you, cupping your cheek and caressing it with his thumb. "give me what you wanted to give yunho."

"i didn't want to-"

"you think i'm dumb? like you? i know that if he had only asked you, you would've jumped in his bed right away. therefore, i tell you, give me what i ask."

"no."

the older man scoffs, then stands up again. his hand remains on your cheek, but his thumb stops caressing it. he removes it, only to bring it back with a slap. losing balance, you fall on the ground. the man doesn't give you any time to process what just happened, grabbing you by your shoulders and throwing you on the pile of hay. you open your mouth, letting out a scream that gets cut off by his lips on your mouth. they feel greasy, reeking of onion and beef, not remotely close to yunho's.

your hands are trapped above your head, his hand holding it in place while his other one struggles with the layers of your dress and apron. you kick, as fast and hard as you can, but you only manage to piss him off. he pulls away, only to spit in your face.

"i bet you wouldn't give yunho a hard time like this. why do all women have to be so difficult? all i want to do is make you feel good, baby."

tears stream down your face, words stuck in your throat. even though nothing is blocking your mouth anymore, you don't speak.

"you know, if you just let me... i'd get rid of your father for good. i could take you with me, i'd make you feel good any time you ask. i could-"

his words are left hanging in the air, and you feel hot liquid splash over your face. the shooting noise catches up to you right after the man's body falls on you, lifeless. you finally scream, lungs hurting from the amount of it. your hands fly to your face, wiping off the liquid and staring at it. red drips down your hands, onto your neck, pure terror filling your body as you realize you have someone's remains all over you. short and fast breaths leave your mouth, chest compressed under his heavy figure. it is not until another figure pulls him off you, and puts his hand over your mouth with hushing noises.

"it's alright, love." you recognize the voice as wyatt's, who then helps you up. "hey, you're fine."

you're not. you do not know who to trust. then again, when you don't trust your own father, why bother?

"let's get you washed."

after splashing your face with cold water and wiping it with his handkerchief, wyatt helps you to the back entrance of the saloon, then goes back to the stables. probably to finish the business.

you find yourself laying in the guest bed again, only this time, the sheets aren't wet from arousal, but from tears. you spend at least two hours, eyes fixed on the wooden ceiling . you feel dirty, still feeling his dirty hands all over you. your fingers hesitantly touch your face, afraid that you'll stain them red again. your dress and apron still have droplets of now brown liquid. is this what yunho does? is that why he looked the way he did when he entered the saloon? only the blood on his clothes was still red, still very fresh.

if what the dead man said was true, then you best stay out of the cowboy's way. and just like that, your secret little romance story has turned into a horror one.

the next few days, you don't see yunho much. you see the prostitutes coming down from the top floor, sometimes two or three of them at a time. and you are disgusted. you only see him at breakfast, from afar, and he doesn't show much interest in approaching you. his companions surround him, making the frown on his face bigger every day. were they discussing the strategy of robbing the town? was there something in their way?

for a split second, the man catches your gaze. his eyes soften, and you swear you could see a faint smile on his lips. but you couldn't return it. not when you know the intentions behind it. the soft look is replaced by confusion, which grows even bigger when you only spare him an ice cold glance and move on with your work.

saturday evening, the saloon is full. it is foggy, reeks of cigarettes and alcohol, and is loud. you don't see him or his crew yet, and you are thankful for it. at least one evening of peace. so far.

"it's kind of disappointing, you know? i mean, the sex is amazing. well, you know. you had him yesterday. but it's so sad that the town fears him and wants him dead. wouldn't mind having a piece of that every day. my body is burning, and it's been two days, but i still want more."

"i know, right? what a shame. i wish he'd stick around longer. i don't know about you, but i love that thrill of knowing that he's an outlaw. a wanted man, a gorgeous wanted man, having his way with me? i don't think anything will top that. i mean, did you see his-"

"another drink?" you interrupt, not able to listen anymore.

they giggle among each other before handing you the downed glasses. the saloon quiets down when they hear thuds coming from the stairs. you regret looking up, eyes immediately locking with familiar brown ones. everyone seems to watch their step, ready to get up and free a table if yunho desires it. oh, the amount of power he holds. that isn't supposed to make you feel some type of way. you're supposed to hate him.

but how, when he approaches you so politely, tucking that loose piece of hair that's been bothering you all evening behind your ear. such a simple gesture, which awakes the oceans in you, and probably means nothing to him. just a foreplay, before he finally cages you and fulfills his plans.

slowly, but surely, the music goes on. the people are relaxed once they see yunho doesn't have any thirst for blood tonight.

"gin."

"right away."

the night goes on, with you tending to everyone. and the cowboy follows you with his eyes, so much that the two women at the bar near him start throwing themselves at him just to get his attention.

"say, when are we going to have fun again?"

"yeah, stallion. did you forget us already?"

yunho chuckles, seeing you approach the other side of the bar and mouth their words with a mocking face. you hear him, raising your head enough to look at him. caught red handed, you only awkwardly press your lips in a thin line, continuing to wash the dirty glasses.

"you were never really ones to remember," yunho simply says, bringing the glass to his lips and downing the drink in one go.

he stands up, not sparing the women a glance even after they audibly gasp and start murmuring among each other. he approaches your father, saying something into his ear, then looks at you once again before disappearing upstairs.

"here," a clean washcloth lands on the bar counter by the end of the night.

"what?"

"that cowboy, stallion. he needs a bath."

"so? he can get his own washcloths. why do i need to- oh."

"yeah, oh. we haven't had a single man in a while, so there was no need for edith. now you can go fill her position."

great.

you knock on the door, and use the other hand to fix your hair before you hear him say come in. you do as told, two washcloths secure in your hand as you go deeper in the room. it takes everything in you to stand still not collapse from the sight. his clothes are carelessly dumped on the floor, and he lays still in the wooden basin filled with water. the place is steamy, the fireplace keeping the winter cold away. yunho has his arms hanging from the basin, and his head resting against the edge. the steam has caused his hair to stick to his face, which was shiny. droplets of sweat roll down his neck and into the water, and you think that is the most beautiful sight you've ever seen.

he is so manly, so handsome, and so...

"you gonna stand there and watch while i slowly cook myself into a stew here?"

he is fresh shaven, that is the first thing you notice when you approach him. he lazily opens his eyes, the hot water having relaxed his muscles a bit more than he wanted to. "right, sorry."

you wet one washcloth, then wrap it around a bar of soap. you haven't done this since... ever. yes, you helped wash your sick cousin. but she was sick, and it was different. this? having a whole man naked right in front of you, and you were supposed to touch him?

"go on. i don't bite. not unless you want to."

"i really don't." you murmur, finally pressing the soap against his hot skin.

you exhale, your heart threatening to escape from your chest and jump into the basin with the cowboy. a thin layer of fabric is all that is in the way of you finally feeling him the way you wanted. a fabric that could so easily just slip from your fingers, and you accidentally touch him. and he likes it. and he acts on it. and-

"i see you breaking your back down there. every day. with your father, with all those perverts, with all those jealous women. you deserve better. my offer still stands, you know?"

"i'm fine," you say, just like last time.

"give yourself some time to think."

the next half hour is quiet. peaceful sounds of the wood cracking, water dripping, and yunho's calm breathing. his eyes are locked on you, and you are sweating as much as him, only for different reasons. you fear that he can read your mind, figure out just how naughty the images in your head are getting. but when it gets to a certain point, you are reminded of that night, and you stop. that bastard has stolen your first kiss, and almost stole your first time. if anything, you are thankful that yunho has brought wyatt with him.

"uh... can you sit up straight?"

yunho raises an eyebrow, amused. you clear your throat when he doesn't move, looking around before finally figuring it out.

"could you sit up straight, sir? please?"

"right away, darling."

he does as asked, exposing his back to you. heavens, you want to- you want to- you don't even know what you want. there he sits, a whole meal right in front of you, and all you can do is breathe heavily and act all clumsy. you rub the soap on his back, gently massaging him and feeling every line on his body.

"you missed a spot."

"huh?"

"right here." his warm hand takes your wrist, guiding you towards his chest once again. your hand rests over his beating heart, and if you weren't so foolishly focused on seeing what the missed spot was, you would've seen the look on his face that is yelling to kiss him.

"oh, sorry."

he doesn't get angry. instead, he chuckles fondly. you are so delicate and innocent, it hurts him. too mesmerized by your focused face, he doesn't notice that your hand is traveling to his stomach. he jolts, hand clasping your wrist so tight that it has you whimper. you seem to have found a sensitive spot, not only to the body, but to the mind and heart. the look on his face shifts from a soft to an angry one, and you take it as your cue to step back.

"that's all. you can go." he mutters, looking away from you.

"but-"

"i'll finish up. go."

coming back to the stables, it takes a lot of energy. you first go during the day, with jongho. he knew, wyatt told him. the rest only knew that wyatt and the man got into a fight and wyatt had to shoot him. jongho is understanding, kind, and doesn't seem to share any of the qualities that the dead man had given them. not only is he not interested in doing any harm to the town and its people, but he is rather helpful.

yunho, again, is nowhere to be seen. you hesitate to ask. you don't know what you did wrong, but you pray that the night isn't your last encounter with him.

you stand in front of the stables, memories flooding your brain once you see the hay blocks. they have been rearranged, some destroyed, possibly by jongho or wyatt. the horses are sitting together in the corner, enjoying the warmth of each other during the first snowy day.

"i can't do it." 

"that's alright. i won't force you. i just don't want one sick man to keep haunting you even when he's no longer here."

"i need time."

jongho only smiles reassuringly, patting your shoulder. he's nice, why doesn't your stomach toss and turn when you see him the way it does when you see yunho?

"i still wonder what he told you about yunho. your behaviour towards him isn't at all like he described it."

"what, he spoke to you about me?"

wyatt subtly kicks his knee from the side, ordering him to stop. but jongho feels rather mischievous today, and is growing annoyed of his leader. they were supposed to move on days ago, not behave like tourists.

"you first. i want to know why you despise him. well, except obvious reasons." the young man turns around, pointing at their companions scattered in the main street, keeping people away and scared.

you sit on the bench in front of the stable, running your hands through your already messy hair before finding the right words to say. "is he married?"

the two men look at each other, their faces not giving you much of an answer. they are extremely good at masking their emotions. wyatt sighs, sitting down to your right. "yes. and no."

"what do you mean? yes or no?"

"well, it's complicated." jongho says, sitting to your left.

"it's also not our story to tell," wyatt adds, looking over at jongho with a warning look, "yunho is the one that should be telling you."

you scoff, making both men look at you in confusion. "does it matter? he'll just sleep with me, you all will do your part of the job, and then you'll leave. i should do it as soon as possible, for both of our sakes. i imagine you can't wait to leave this town, just like we can't wait for you to leave."

"listen, if yunho wanted to harm you, he would. we never stay in one place longer than three days. we've been here far longer, as you can see. i don't know the reason yet, but i know he doesn't mean any harm. did he have a change of heart? doubt it. will he continue his crimes? i don't doubt that. is there something holding him here? yes, yes there is. i might have a guess, but-"

"jongho. shut the fuck up."

"i wasn't going to tell her, wyatt, relax."

the two men bicker over you, random words and sentences traveling to your ears and overstimulating your brain. you start feeling dizzy, suddenly overwhelmed by everything. you stand up and march down the street, leaving the two men to feel bad on the bench.

the next time you go to the stables, it is night again. and it is because your father throws a glass at you. it hits the wall right next to you, breaking, shards flying into your skin. you have nowhere to go, yunho's companions basically running the town by now. you don't need one of them to get a hold of you again. you sit on the new pile of hay, far in the corner. sobbing, pulling at your hair, cursing yourself.

how wise would it be to actually take his offer? would you be able to survive on your own? or would every single man in town finally be happy that you're all alone, unprotected, and out of someone's cage.

it hurts to even think about it, and it causes you to sob even more. your chest hurts, and after what seems like hours of crying, you aren't sure if it's from physical or emotional pain.

the animals seem to feel sorry for you, because soon enough two horses find their comfort in the hay right next to you, shielding your figure from the outside world. you can't help but laugh at the bigger one, his head pushing into your lap and demanding attention.

"aren't you cute?"

your fingers gently caress its neck, lulling it to sleep. it seems like the whole stable was affected, because soon enough they all start laying down one by one, calling it an early night and pulling you to sleep with them. funny how you got way more peace and affection from animals than your own family.

"moonshine."

click. click. click.

"come on, girl."

the warm surface you were laying on moves, following the mouth clicking noises and leaving your head to rest on the hay. you're still asleep, not aware that someone else has joined you in the stable. but the other person isn't aware that you're there either.

"there's my good girl," the man pets the black stallion, which lives up to its name and stands under the moonlight, in its full glory and shine. "aren't you beautiful?"

your eyes peel open, the voice slowly waking you up. you hear crunching, and a bucket rattling. when you finally open your eyes, you see the outline of the familiar figure at the entrance. it is not yet morning, that you figure out by the darkness that has swallowed the place. the only light being the gas lantern hanging from the saloons entrance, you don't see much. but you recognize that hat and figure anywhere.

"i wish you could speak, my pretty moonshine. you'd tell me why blood was spilled, and why my pretty girl won't lay her eyes on me anymore."

his...? his pretty girl? you don't move a muscle, hoping to hear more. the mare only points its head towards the bucket, demanding more food. yunho chuckles, reaching for another apple.

"do you think i scared her away? i made sure she knows i don't mean any harm to her. did someone fill her pretty head with something?"

the mare lets out a noise, as if wanting to confirm. yunho exhales, then sets the bucket aside. he goes further into the stable, walking just past you and grabs the saddle from the corner. going back, his boot gets caught in your dress, and causes him to halt. you shut your eyes, pretending to still sleep.

"heavens." he exhales.

you feel him get closer to you, and almost betray yourself when you feel his knuckles caress your face.

"darling?"

his voice is usually low and pleasant, but hearing him whisper is just something else. why does he have to be so perfect, yet so dangerous?

you stretch, pretending to not notice him yet. finally opening your eyes, you fake a gasp. you lean back into the hay, trying to keep a distance from him. he crouches in front of you, fixing his hat. you can't get over how well it suits him.

"had a good nap?"

"well, yes. had." you mumble, rubbing your eyes.

"that's no place to sleep, dove."

"it's the only place that gives me comfort right now."

he nods, understandingly. he offers you his hand to take, and you only look at him, puzzled.

"i'll take you to a place that will give you more comfort."

"i'm not sure-"

"that wasn't a question." the tone is serious, but the wink he gives you after it relaxes you.

the cowboy stands up, making his way to his mare. you stand up, dusting off your dress and following him. he puts the saddle on the horse, securing it, then offers you his hand again. this time you take it, not yet sure what he had in mind.

"go on, climb her."

"uh... she's quite... bigger than the last one. or any other one i rode on."

"yeah, moonshine is quite something. she's gentle though, nothing to worry about. go on, don't be shy."

with a bit of struggle, and a little push from yunho, you finally sit comfortably on the tall mare. she indeed shines under the moon, black fur reflecting beautifully in the dark night. yunho climbs behind you, taking the leash in his hands and guiding the mare down the street.

"is she fast?"

"she can be. want to see?"

"i don't know. i might scream."

he chuckles. he maintains the pace, gracefully trotting down the quiet sleepy town. you see some of his companions keeping watch, each nodding their heads your way as you pass them. your gaze falls on his hands, searching for the shiny item that was mentioned that night. but you don't see it. was it really a lie? or did yunho somehow know, and took it off? is the wife even real?

"hold on tight." he whispers into your ear, hot breath brushing your neck and cheek.

you grab onto his thighs, instinctively, right before you pass the last house and yunho whips the leash against the mare. it neighs, puts its two front legs up in the air and almost throws you on the grown. you gasp, but manage to collect yourself once the animal returns to its position and starts galloping. it feels like you're flying, and you're enjoying it more than you're scared of it. your hair flies into his face probably, but he doesn't say anything.

you pass hills, past the river where you first saw the man, and into the mountains. you don't remember the last time you went this far outside of town. not only because you weren't allowed, but you had no time or way. it's not as if you had a horse of your own.

his thighs are firm under your hands, nothing but pure muscle. and it suddenly drives you crazy, the way you feel his torso pressed against your back, arms holding the leash and keeping you from falling off along the way, his breath against your ear.

"you alright?"

"yes!"

"how do you feel? scared?"

"this is so much fun! it's scary and fun!"

his laugh is loud over the wind, chest vibrating behind you. the mare slows its pace when arriving on the steep mountain trails, carefully navigating to the top. once there, it comes to a halt. it is not very high, but high enough too overlook the fields, the river, and the distant town. yunho dismounts, then helps you down.

"cold?" he asks, noticing your trembling frame.

"a bit."

this time, he doesn't throw the spare jacket at you like the first time you met. he takes off his own, helping you put it on. it's warm, smells like him, and it's making you so dizzy you might just fall off the cliff. taking a good look at him, you decide that even if he is dangerous, his handsomeness makes up for it. he wears a brown waistcoat, accentuating his thin waist and broad shoulders. heavens, he is so dashing.

you stand still, waiting for his next plan. he pulls a blanket out of the saddlebag, along with the familiar white cloth, and sets it on the ground. the mare continues it's path further up, taking a spot near a boulder, as if used to the situation already. which brings you back to the questions in your head; did he bring other women here?

"sit down, peach. make yourself comfortable."

and you do, right next to him. you both sit still for a few moments, looking at the faint light in the distance. yunho then fidgets with something in the pocket of his jeans, before holding it out for you to take. in his open palm lays a ring, the very ring you've heard about and had your head spinning for days.

"hmph," he laughs through his nose, "figured that was the issue."

"there is no issue. you have a wife. end of story."

"take it."

"no."

"take it."

"i don't want to."

yunho sighs, then closes his hand again. he sits still for a few moments, as if thinking. and then-

"why would you do that?!"

you stand up, watching the shiny piece of jewelry fall from the cliff.

"if you listened and took it, you would've seen how worthless it is."

"i don't need your wedding ring, yunho."

his eyebrows are knit together, and you suddenly realize your mistake.

"you know my name."

"yeah."

"how?"

and you tell him. every detail of it, including the wife story. he listens carefully, face not giving any emotion. typical. by the time you finish, you are laying down and looking up at the shiny sky, tears streaming down your face. yunho is propped up on his elbow, laying on the side and listening. his fingers catch a fresh tear, brushing your cheek in the process. you are left completely baffled when he puts the very same fingers on his lips, tongue peeking out to lick the salty liquid.

"you poor thing." he coos, bringing his hand back to you. he removes the hair from your neck, then smiles with satisfaction once he sees your healed skin. "that's good. seems my medical techniques worked."

you scoff, putting your hair back over your neck with embarrassment. "so, uh... your wife?"

"a psycho."

"oh."

"she stabbed me. almost bled out to death if it weren't for jongho."

he says it so casually, as if it isn't a big deal. "you're still married though, right? that's why you had the ring."

"not quite. we weren't really married. it was just play pretend, so she could have half of everything i was bringing back. once i stopped, the bitch jumped me with a knife. barely made it out alive."

"then... why did you keep it?"

"to keep women away from me. well, those i didn't want."

"but you sleep with them. you use them anyway."

he frowns at the accusation. "no, no i don't. i only rob. i sleep only with prostitues, sometimes. what my companions do is none of my business. we have a deal, and i do not ask about what they do. just like they don't ask about me or what i do."

so, not all of it is true. but then again, can you really trust him?

"i'm so sorry, dove. if i knew that sick bastard would go behind my back, even after threatening them not to touch you-"

"it's fine. nothing happened." you try, seeing him get angrier with every second he spends imagining the situation you were in.

"he stole your first kiss."

"well, yes. but, what's done is done. it was barely a kiss, really. more like mouth to mouth breathing. it was like inhaling a whole onion." you say with a laugh, trying to lighten the mood. but yunho doesn't laugh. instead, he unbuttons his waistcoat, then his shirt.

"what- what are you doing?"

"well, since you showed me your bruises, and told me your story, it would only be fair that i showed you mine."

you remember the night you washed him, when you went to touch his stomach and he told you to leave. kneeling in front of him, you finally get to see why. a scar decorates his lower torso, just above the jeans and the v-line. you breathe in, ready to do something you would only in your dreams.

you lean in, hands trembling against the blanket and fingers scrunching it from the nervous state you're in. yunho shivers, feeling your lips press against his scar. you don't stop there, inspired by his own actions. you allow your tongue to graze it, and when you get another gasp from him, you take it as a sign to keep going. his hand finds its place under your chin, raising your head to that you can look at him. and he snaps.

he grabs you by your waist, pulling you up so that you sit in his lap. you don't fight back, you're enjoying it. over the layers of the dress, you feel something poking you, and it makes your cheeks heat up.

"stop looking at me like that." he whispers, lips inches away from yours.

"like what?"

"with those big eyes. like you want me to ravish you right here."

"maybe i do."

"you're saying risky things, sugar."

seeing that he doesn't intend on making the first move, you do. you close the distance, pressing your lips against his. you don't know what you're doing, but try your best. luckily, he gives in, humming into your lips and kissing you properly. his hands on your waist scrunch the fabric of your dress as he contains himself from just pushing you below him and having you his way. he needs to take it slow. you're not like others.

"relax your jaw." he mumbles, and when you do, he allows his tongue to touch your lips, as if asking for permission to enter. and you grant it, parting your lips and unsurely letting your tongue join his.

he massages your muscle with his own skilled one, rubbing it just right and making your thighs rub and seek pleasure. he kisses you slow, and deep, each stroke of his tongue more passionate than the previous one. he feels you get annoyed by something, and is forced to stop.

"what is it?"

"as much as i love your hat, it's in the way."

the man chuckles below you, immediately removing the hat and putting it on your head. "there."

"how do i look?" you adjust it, getting used to the new item.

"like a feast."

with a swift move, yunho pulls your body closer to his face, so that it is between your legs. his hands shuffle through the layers of fabric, finally finding the undergarment and pushing it aside. "what are you doing? i'm going to squish you!"

"sit."

"what?!"

"sit."

you hover above him, not yet listening. this time, he is the one to get annoyed, and puts his hands on your bottom. he slams you against his face, tongue immediately licking a stripe up your already slick folds. you gasp, hand flying to his shoulders for support.

"rock your hips, sunshine. make yourself feel good."

you do as told, rocking your hips back and forth on his tongue, soft moans and gasps leaving your mouth. you tremble in his hands, the newfound pleasure too much for you to handle. "i can't- yunho, it's too much-"

the man only sends you a mischievous look, before taking the situation into his own hands. his plush lips close around your clit, sucking it, while the tip of his tongue teases the tip of your clit. you let out a long and loud moan, body shuddering from the surge of intense pleasure.

"fuuuck-" you whine, hips hopelessly grinding against his tongue.

deciding it's enough, yunho flips you underneath him with a swift motion. "do you want to do this?"

"yes, please."

"then, i'll have to prepare you. since you asked so nicely."

he flips your dress over, exposing your wet bottom to the cool air. you shiver again, his jacket not helping much with the cold.

"this is going to hurt a little. i promise i'll be gentle."

you nod, then go back to abusing the poor blanket underneath you. you bite into it, feeling his long digits intrude your tight walls. it is unpleasant, but not that painful.

"that's a good girl. you're so wet for me, look how easily you're taking me."

he starts pumping in and out, squelching noises having you completely lose your mind and almost drool on the blanket. his fingers are long, very long. how will you survive his-?

"this good, darling?"

"yes."

"yes, what?"

"yes, sir." you moan out, hips moving along with his hand in hopes of more pleasure.

he doesn't speed up. being soft and slow seems to be his way of doing it, and it is a pace you are enjoying very much. it's not fast, like you do it. you do it to get rid of it. he does it for actual pleasure. when he removes his fingers, you can't help but whine at the loss of contact. he turns you around so that you lay on your back, facing him. his hair is a mess, much like yours, and he smiles lazily at you.

"my needy girl." he coos, pressing a kiss to your lips. "can i claim you, sweet thing?"

"what?"

"do you wish to be mine?"

do you? or is it just the horny speaking instead of you? either way, you might end up regretting. so you simply say:

"yes, sir."

"say my name, darling." he pulls himself out of his jeans, the tip of his cock running circles on your sensitive clit.

"yunho."

he hums, slipping his tip past your folds. "again."

"yunho," you gasp, feeling him inch by inch splitting you in half.

"again."

"yunho-"

"more."

"yunho," thrust, "yunho," thrust, "yunho!"

he gets lost in the feeling of your tight warm walls, hips snapping deep inside of you and driving you crazy. you get wetter by the second, even more when you see him so dizzy. it's nice to know that you have him in a chokehold as much as he has you.

"does it hurt?"

"no," you reply.

"that's because you're so perfectly made for me. look at you, you fit in the palm of my hand."

that's not true, obviously. but the way he says it makes you really feel that you could fit, and that you could stay protected there. his hips collide with yours, and your eyes roll back.

"such a pretty pussy," he growls, pace getting sloppier and slower. "wish i could do this all night long."

"me too," you moan.

his hands rip your dress apart, exposing your chest. his lips waste no time in attaching to your skin, leaving bite marks all over it, until reaching the tense nipples. he takes one in his mouth, tongue swirling around it, while his other hand plays with the other. your fingers find comfort in pulling his hair, subconsciously pushing his head into you further.

"my sweet peach," he coos, cock sliding in and out so easily, "my pretty girl."

"so sweet"

"even your moans are so beautiful"

"use me for your pleasure, darling"

you find yourself moving your hips along with his, only in a faster pace. you need to finally feel that orgasm. you feel something build up in the bottom of your stomach, and you're not sure what to do.

"yunho..."

"yes, my love?"

"i don't know how to- how to orgasm."

"you'll feel it. don't think about it. just relax, and let your body do it. let me do it."

you feel the buildup, then you lose it. again, and again, until you whine about it. yunho turns you around again, so that you are sitting on his lap. you feel him deep in your stomach, almost pulsating.

"let's try this."

he helps you up and down, rolls your hips, until he finds what works for you. you hover above him, hopelessly biting into his neck to contain your inappropriate noises. his hips snap into yours with a fast pace, finally hitting the spot you didn't know existed. the buildup starts again, this time not stopping. and when pleasure washes you over, you can't help but pull at yunho's hair mercilessly, moaning into his ear and letting yourself completely go. he helps you ride it out, waves of intense pleasure washing over you as yunho helps himself get closer.

"fuck, darling." he growls, pulling out of you.

"wait, what about you?"

"i'll just- i don't know."

his hand wraps around his cock, which is ready to unleash any moment. the man almost audibly gasps when he sees you kneel in front of him, innocently opening your mouth and sticking your tongue out. just how did you know?

"are you sure?"

"positive."

"absolutely sure?"

"yunho?"

"yes?"

"please cum in my mouth."

and it's all it takes. yunho jerks himself on your tongue, or at least tries to. some of it ends up on your face, but you so carefully try to collect every single drop he gives you. you don't miss the way his head falls back, eyes rolling and low moans escaping his pretty lips. coming down from his high with one last pump and moan, he finally looks at you. the texture on your tongue is not the most pleasant one, but you decide to impress him further, and swallow it. he scoffs in disbelief, running a hand through his hair.

"you are just perfect, aren't you?"

in the morning, the ride back is much more comfortable. you still wear his hat, proudly, and his jacket. he can't help but kiss your shoulder as you ride, having it difficult enough to keep his hands off you. if only he could hold you in his pocket all day.

upon entering the town, you notice the people, your people, standing and waiting. would now be the right time to tell yunho you accept his offer?

he helps you dismount, before taking the revolver in his hand.

"what's this? a rebellion?" he says, mockingly.

"does she know?" your father asks, pointing at you.

you scrunch your eyebrows, looking between the two men. something shines in your fathers hand, and you realize he also holds a revolver.

"there is nothing to know." yunho replies, approaching him and standing in front of you. "you keep your mouth shut."

"oh, but there is. see, my little daughter, if you want to whore around, you could've picked anyone from the town. not your own mother's killer."

blood runs cold in your veins. the sun suddenly doesn't shine as bright anymore, and the man in front of you morphs into someone else. he turns around towards you, shaking his head. "no..."

"he shot her."

"you shot my father!"

"he deserved it!"

"no, the fuck he didn't!"

you step back, tears burning your eyes. did you really give yourself to the man who took your mother away from you? who also took your father away from you?

"listen-" yunho tries, hands reaching to touch you.

"don't touch me."

"he came here to finish the business. but he didn't count that he would fall for the daughter. what a clash of interests."

he doesn't deny it. and it only infuriates you more. so he did have an evil plan after all.

"you came for me, didn't you?" your father presses further, raising his revolver.

"no, i didn't." yunho replies, face changing from a guilty and sorry one to a neutral. "i came for her."

he grabs you by your shoulders, putting his hand over your mouth. you toss, scream, and whatnot, but what are you compared to his grip?

"i assume you won't care much if i took her away. but it would mean much to me. tit for tat."

"you are to never step foot into this town again. not you, not your companions."

yunho nods. and your father puts his weapon away. and it crashes your heart. you know you don't mean much to him, but to give you to an outlaw so easily?

"i came for what i wanted, not to worry. you won't see me ever again."

and just like that, you find yourself tied up and tossed over the black mare.

why did you ever wish for a life other than the one you had?

"you're all mine now, sunshine."

feedback greatly appreciated! <3

[firesnap]

This is the only post I will be writing in regards to Wilbur Soot's statement.

It was a shit apology. I'm not going over that. We can analyze it to death but it absolutely reads like the apology of someone who is now represented by some label's legal team. The only thing I'm thankful for is that he did not release text messages between him and Shelby in some attempt to distract people. She doesn't deserve that embarrassment.

But, I really hope you read this, I need you to stop treating this like a party. I need you to stop giving every CC that speaks up about this a hit post or hit tweet by liking it.

Almost none of these people liked a single post of Shelby's or uttered the words "I'm so sorry for what Shelby went through" They waited until it was safe to say something. They waited until they could write a "coming in with a steel chair reply." They waited until they knew it would look good.

They revealed that Wilbur has always been manipulative, a narcissist a bully and mean to his friends. They revealed they've always thought he was a bad person. They've revealed that they don't think he's taking accountability while they stayed silent.

And not just silent for a few days. Some of these people are saying they knew for better for weeks, months, years that he was a horrible person. And they said nothing. They let people spend time and money and energy on a community of a person they knew was dangerous and cruel and they said nothing.

They didn't need Shelby Shubble to come forward and say how bad of a person Wilbur Soot was. They didn't need Shelby's story, if they thought he was a bad person, to not appear in videos with him or be in a group channel with him or mention him on stream or tease content with him or be on Anvil Cards or follow him on all social media platforms.

But they did anyway because, to these content creators, it's better to be silent and let a bad person flourish than cause "drama" online.

These people do not give fuck. I need you all to please take this advice that none of these online creators are worth the time and energy you put into them. You don't know what else they're sitting on. You don't know what they've done. You are lying to yourself, right now, if you think Phil or Tommy or Tubbo or Jack or whoever your current fave is wouldn't have been fine saying nothing if Shelby hadn't spoke first. You're lying to yourself if you think whatever new smp or content creator group you're currently into doesn't have horrible shit that they're all choosing to ignore.

The amount of manipulation required by these content creators to maintain the devotion and investment of their communities is horrific.

Do not trust your mental well being, your comfort, your whatever to these people. Any of them.

[thot4ellie]

oh sweetheart

pairing: boxer! ellie williams x f reader au

word count: 1.9k

rating: 18+

warnings: boxer!ellie, drinking, smoking, cursing, creepy guy but ellie comes to ur defense!! ellie has lots of tattoos, fighting, threats, idk if im missing anything (no character description or anything specific)

summary: you didn't expect to meet her on this night out.

authors notes: hi friends! this is my first time writing and posting on here hopefully you enjoy, please reblog, like or follow! lets be mutuals :) anyways feedback and constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated! ellie williams has me on my hands and knees!!! i hope you enjoy! i like the idea of making this a series if it works out and ppl like it, so pls let m know!! thank you :)

PART 1 | part 2

series masterlist <3

from the river to the sea, palestine will be free 🇵🇸

READ: this account stands with palestine, and so— i require everyone who interacts to educate themselves, and support/donate. READ THESE; 1 and 2, HELP HERE, BOYCOTT. silence is complicity, do not scroll past this.

DO NOT BUY THE REMASTER, TLOU2, TLOU1, OR ANY GAME FROM NAUGHTY DOG! neil druckmann (the creator) is a zionist. PLEASE READ THIS. AND REBLOG THIS.

loud. everything is loud. the smell of sweat and blood stains the air around you. the sounds of people cheering and shouting towards the center of the large room. the lights are buzzing above you as you are walking into the entrance of the shitty run down gym your brother, jesse, and his girlfriend, dina, ended up dragging you to tonight.

you didn't mind coming along with him but this wasn't what you expected to be doing tonight. after a long shitty week of unpacking your new apartment, you kinda just wanted to end up a hole in the wall bar and drink your stress away but he had other plans. which including watching grown men beat the shit of each other for their cut at the end of the night.

it was intimidating, walking through the crowds of people you didn't know until you finally make it to where his friends were waiting for you guys. they were sitting at a table with a clear shot of the fight which was surprising since the whole place seemed to have more people in it then it could fit. you make your way awkwardly to the empty seats saying a gentle "hello guys" to your brothers friends who you didn't knowl. you sat next to dina as jesse made his way to the bar with your drink orders.

after you graduated highschool, you moved to new york and spend 4 years there working in a small cafe you lived above but now at the start of the summer, still not sure what you should be doing with your life. now you're 22 and you've moved to the city of jackson to be closer to your older brother and his girlfriend. you were excited to start fresh in a place where no one knew you yet, you were ready to leave your old life and those toxic things in the past. but you wondered if it was even possible.

you spend the next hour talking with dina and catching up on the things that have happened since you moved, "have you started looking for jobs yet?" she asked as you both sipped on the second drink of the night that jesse went and brought back a bit ago. you've only met a couple times in person since they started dating about 2 years ago but you loved her, she was making this night a lot better. "not much luck yet, i don't know what to do, luckily i have some time to figure something out." you responded. she went to say something but then the loud speakers around the room started blaring music and the countdown to the match that was about to start.

jesse tapped dinas shoulder to go watch with the rest of them. dinas eyes met yours and asked, "are you coming up?" you started getting nervous as the people started getting louder and crowding towards the center ring and told her that you'll stay here and watch. they both nodded and said they'd be back when it was over.

you took this opportunity to finally go get some fresh air since the crowd isn't all over anymore and it was a straight shot to the door you came in, you walked over to the side of the building, definitely feeling the drinks you had, you let your back rest against the concrete wall, finally cooling you down on this hot summer night. there's people standing outside talking but they payed no attention to you. you stayed against the wall as you pull out the cigarette pack from the pocket of your thin dark green jacket and the lighter out of your back pocket in your jean shorts. you cursed yourself for not buying more but its a bad habit and you know it. you pulled one out and put it in your lips as you brought the lighter up and took a drag, finally letting the anxiety go as you stared off into the sky.

"excuse me miss, you shouldn't be out here alone, a beautiful girl like you," a man with a rough voice said but you didn't move to look, suddenly wishing you never left your apartment to begin with, "hello i'm talking to you, its not nice to ignore people, ya know," he slurred his words as he spoke. you turned your head as you went to tell him to leave you alone but instead, he was standing in front of you before you knew it you dropped your smoke and now he's practically cornered you.

he was so close you could smell the alcohol on his breathe as he spoke again, "now are you gonna talk to-" you leaned away from him as he was interrupted by the sound of a door opening a few feet away, he looked towards it but then turned back to you just as quick, almost touching you as he went to speak again but he was beat to it.

"get off her." you didn't even realize the door had opened until you heard her.

the man looked back towards the door to the figure in the light, he squinted and when he got a good look, he suddenly backed off and put his hands up. "hey hey i wasn't doing nothin- it was nothing!" he shouted back to whoever was next to the still open door, light shining into the alley.

the door slams and the light fades as the figure walks closer towards you and your eyes meet the deep green eyes of the person who just saved you as she turned to the man who was just cornering you against the wall.

"it doesn't look like nothing, i mean, really? you're fucking joking right?" she questioned him as she looked him right in the eyes.

"i said it was nothing- she was flirting with me and-" he was cut off as she laughed loudly. "yeah you're full of shit, get the fuck out of here and don't let me see you again or you'll regret it." she said as she stepped closer towards him, almost at the same height, he looked scared of her. "okay, okay- fuck 'm leaving!" he slurred one last time as he turned around and headed the opposite way of the run down gym.

you stood there as the interaction happened, not sure what to do or say yet, you were silent as he walked off, and those green eyes met yours again and you saw her lips moving as she was speaking but you caught nothing she said. "hey, you okay there?" she asked you as she went to stand in front of you, looking you up and down, checking if you're psychically okay while she gave you a second to process before she asked you again.

"hey sweetheart, you okay?" she asked and grabbed your arm, not in a way that the man would have but like she was actually making sure you were okay, and this time you finally heard her.

"h- yes im okay, just- fuck- yes thank you." you said finally getting a good look at her now that she's up close and touching you. her eyes were greener than you thought, her short auburn hair with some pulled back into a bun, the big moth tattoo wrapped around her right forearm that was still holding onto yours, other tattoos littered her arms and some poking out under her t-shirt she was wearing. she was so close to you and it sent butterflies through your body. now is not the time, you thought to yourself.

"are you sure- 'm sorry that happened, fuck him." she said roughly, not towards you but him.

"its okay, thank- thank you for helping me" you said gently to the girl who was still looking into your eyes. you had been so focused on hers that you didn't even see the tiny scars, small healing cuts and the bruises that were fading until you looked over her face again.

"yeah of course, are you here alone?" she asked you curiously still holding on to you, you weren't even phased by it. you told her you were here with your brother and she nodded her head towards the door, "lets get you back to him before anything else happens sweetheart" she said as she guided you to the door, hand on your back, as you swallowed and went first.

suddenly all the sounds that you had not realized you had been blocking begin again, smells of the sweaty bodies surround you again and you felt too hot, either because of her or the summer heat trapped in here. once you made it inside, she moved her hand off the small of your back and told her to go find your brother and to get home safe. when she walked away, you realized you didn't even know her name.

you saw dina, sitting along with a few of jesses friends and made your way over to her. the match must've ended while you were outside. you walked through the gym to sit back down, moving carefully to avoid touching anyone. once you made it to the table, dina wondered where you had ran off too. "oh just went out to get some fresh air," you said back to her smiling, not wanting her to worry. she told you jesse went to get more drinks and after the encounter outside, you needed it.

jesse came back a few moments later, holding a round of shots for you three. "here you ladies go," he spoke with a happy look on his face. you smiled slightly back and took the glass as dina laughed at him. you took the shot, trying to forget what happened outside with the man but not what happened with her. you wondered if you would see her again. is she here to watch? could she work at the bar? is she here with friends too? your thoughts were interrupted by an announcement over the speaks that the final match was gonna start soon.

dina and jesse were telling you, "its the last one tonight and the last ones are always the best so lets go!" you would rather sit and order another drink, but what if something else happened cause you were alone? so reluctantly you got up with them and got closer to the middle ring, you heard the loud speakers announcing the boxers as they entered the ring. you weren't even paying attention, nothing could stop your mind racing with thoughts about the girl outside.

you shake yourself out of the trance when dina reaches over to you to touch your hands that were shaking but you didn't even realize, you look to her and give her smile that she returns, then she looks back to the ring and you turn your head to follow her eyes to the center. and your breathe caught.

thats her.

thats the girl who saved you outside.

the girl with her hands wrapped in tape and the mouthguard in.

the girl who wondered if she'd ever see you again either, not that you knew that, but she hoped it wasn't the last time.

you wondered what she thought as you both stared back at each other. you heard the coach start the countdown. you just watched her.

...5

...4

...3

...2

as the buzzer started, she smiled directly at you then turned to throw the first punch.

[unclewaynemunson]

Pt2 to this post

'Is something wrong?' Nancy asks, not long after the two of them have taken their familiar spots on the hood of Steve's car. They're basking in what might be the last warm sunlight of the year, looking out over the quarry, at a safe distance from the edge.

It's become a tradition the two of them share, ever since they reconnected back in March. It calms them both, to just sit here and take in the view, no one around but each other. Nancy is one of the few people Steve can share a comfortable silence with: sometimes they sit here quietly for what feels like hours, side by side, listening to music or to nothing but the birds singing around them. But they also have their best conversations here: it's the place where Nancy entrusted him she wanted to break up with Jonathan; it's the place where they talked about their shared past and decided they would always love each other as friends; it's the place where they finally talked about Barbara in a way they couldn't when they were younger. It's where Nancy talked about the ghosts still haunting her and Steve talked about how lonely he sometimes felt.

Steve huffs. 'How did you guess?'

'When you frown, you always do it with your whole face,' Nancy notes. 'So it's hard to miss, really.'

Steve glances at her side profile. There's a serenity to her features that's still relatively new. It means she's healing, slowly learning how to be happy again. It means she stopped waiting for the end of the world and started believing in a real future again. It makes Steve proud of how far they both have come.

'I had a fight with Eddie,' he confesses. 'And with Dustin, I guess.'

'What happened?'

He sighs. 'It's complicated.'

'Wanna tell me about it?'

The look in her eyes is kind and inviting. Steve hesitates. He wants to, but he doesn't know if he can. It's a risk. It's scary.

But he can't imagine Nancy Wheeler ever being careless with his secrets. He can't imagine her judging him, can't imagine her being as small-minded as most people in this town.

He was planning on telling her anyway, because things had been going so well with Eddie lately and – no, he shouldn't think about that right now. But maybe it would actually be nice to talk about it with Nancy.

'So, um...' His throat feels tight and his hands are sweaty. 'I recently discovered some things about myself. I-' The words get stuck somewhere on the way to his mouth, and he clears his throat.

Nancy doesn't push, but only gives him an encouraging nod, waiting for him to find his voice again.

'I found out I like boys,' he finally manages to confess. 'And I need you to know that – that that doesn't mean that what I felt for you wasn't real. It was. I loved you, and now I fell in love with a boy. And-'

'Steve.' Nancy's hand suddenly covers his, causing him to finally jerk his head away from the view over the quarry, to focus on her face again instead.

Her eyes are wide, and she squeezes his hand.

'You don't have to explain yourself to me,' she tells him. 'We're good. But thank you for telling me. For trusting me with this.'

Steve heaves out a relieved sigh, and Nancy smiles; it's that genuine kind of smile which reveals all kinds of dimples and soft lines across her face.

'We might be more similar than you thought,' she tells him, a faint blush spreading over her cheeks.

'Really?' Her words make his breath catch in his throat. He squints at her, trying to see her in this new light. 'Are you saying what I think you're saying?'

She shrugs. 'I don't know. I'm not sure yet,' she admits. 'Still figuring things out.'

'Take your time, there's no rush,' he tells her. 'But...' He bumps his shoulder against hers. 'When you're done figuring it out, talk to me, okay?'

She nods. 'Okay.'

For a while, it's quiet between the two of them. Some kind of raptor circles high above them in the sky. They both follow it with their eyes until it disappears among the tree tops west of the quarry.

'Is it Eddie?'

Steve blinks dumbly a couple of times.

'Wha- what?'

'The guy you were talking about. The one you fell in love with. It's Eddie, isn't it?'

'Jesus, Wheeler, what kind of sorceress are you?' Steve exclaims.

Nancy laughs again. 'You're not being as subtle as you think,' she tells him. 'The two of you have been hooking up for a while now, haven't you?'

Steve huffs dramatically. 'This is unfair. You know everything; I can't even tell you my own secrets anymore!'

'So what happened?' Nancy asks. 'You said you had a fight with him?'

'It's fucking stupid,' he sighs. 'Dustin was getting way too excited about the fact that I was gonna be hanging out with you, so I told him I was seeing someone. Next thing I knew, he was telling Eddie all about how I was seeing a girl.' He waves his hands around to make annoyed air quotations. 'I wanted to tell Eddie it was a misunderstanding, but Dustin was there, so I couldn't out us just like that, and he looked so betrayed and heartbroken... He didn't wanna listen to me.'

Steve sighs; he still can't manage to forget that look in Eddie's eyes when Dustin delivered the big news. 'I wish I would've talked about what I felt for him earlier. I should've been honest when I had the chance, y'know. But I was afraid he wouldn't wanna label what we had, that he wouldn't feel the same way – and now we're in this whole mess. God, he must hate me right now, Nance.'

To his surprise, Nancy gives him an unexpected slap against his arm.

'Ouch, what the hell was that for?!'

'What are you even doing here with me, Steve? You should've gone after him, tell him how you feel!'

'I tried, obviously, but he didn't wanna listen to me!'

'So make him listen! You're in love with him, he obviously feels the same way about you, and you let him leave to wallow in a broken heart he doesn't even need to have!' She rolls her eyes and slides off the car, adding something under her breath that sounds suspiciously like an exasperated 'Boys!' before she pulls Steve off the car as well. 'C'mon, time to get your ass over to the trailer park. Right. Now,' she says through gritted teeth. And, well, Steve knows better than to argue with a determined - and truthfully quite terrifying - Nancy Wheeler.

Read the last part here Taglist: @withacapitalp @ultimatedreamer104 @irregular-child @jcmadgirl @estrellami-1 @myguiltyartpleasure @hallucinatedjosten @jaybren @thew1ldblueyonder @melodymeddler @alycatavatar @zoeweee @lolawonsstuff @fairy-princette @saramelaniemoon @phirex22 @krazyperson @xxsky-shockxx (I only put people on this list who explicitly asked to be tagged. That's really no problem, I love to do that so dw about asking, but I got a lot of relatively vague reactions to the previous post that i'm not gonna dissect and interpret, bc I don't wanna clog anyone's notes unwanted. So just to be clear: i consider it a huge compliment if anyone asks for a tag but please do it clearly if you do!)

[mostlysignssomeportents]

How plausible sentence generators are changing the bullshit wars

This Friday (September 8) at 10hPT/17hUK, I'm livestreaming "How To Dismantle the Internet" with Intelligence Squared.

On September 12 at 7pm, I'll be at Toronto's Another Story Bookshop with my new book The Internet Con: How to Seize the Means of Computation.

In my latest Locus Magazine column, "Plausible Sentence Generators," I describe how I unwittingly came to use – and even be impressed by – an AI chatbot – and what this means for a specialized, highly salient form of writing, namely, "bullshit":

https://locusmag.com/2023/09/commentary-by-cory-doctorow-plausible-sentence-generators/

Here's what happened: I got stranded at JFK due to heavy weather and an air-traffic control tower fire that locked down every westbound flight on the east coast. The American Airlines agent told me to try going standby the next morning, and advised that if I booked a hotel and saved my taxi receipts, I would get reimbursed when I got home to LA.

But when I got home, the airline's reps told me they would absolutely not reimburse me, that this was their policy, and they didn't care that their representative had promised they'd make me whole. This was so frustrating that I decided to take the airline to small claims court: I'm no lawyer, but I know that a contract takes place when an offer is made and accepted, and so I had a contract, and AA was violating it, and stiffing me for over $400.

The problem was that I didn't know anything about filing a small claim. I've been ripped off by lots of large American businesses, but none had pissed me off enough to sue – until American broke its contract with me.

So I googled it. I found a website that gave step-by-step instructions, starting with sending a "final demand" letter to the airline's business office. They offered to help me write the letter, and so I clicked and I typed and I wrote a pretty stern legal letter.

Now, I'm not a lawyer, but I have worked for a campaigning law-firm for over 20 years, and I've spent the same amount of time writing about the sins of the rich and powerful. I've seen a lot of threats, both those received by our clients and sent to me.

I've been threatened by everyone from Gwyneth Paltrow to Ralph Lauren to the Sacklers. I've been threatened by lawyers representing the billionaire who owned NSOG roup, the notoroious cyber arms-dealer. I even got a series of vicious, baseless threats from lawyers representing LAX's private terminal.

So I know a thing or two about writing a legal threat! I gave it a good effort and then submitted the form, and got a message asking me to wait for a minute or two. A couple minutes later, the form returned a new version of my letter, expanded and augmented. Now, my letter was a little scary – but this version was bowel-looseningly terrifying.

I had unwittingly used a chatbot. The website had fed my letter to a Large Language Model, likely ChatGPT, with a prompt like, "Make this into an aggressive, bullying legal threat." The chatbot obliged.

I don't think much of LLMs. After you get past the initial party trick of getting something like, "instructions for removing a grilled-cheese sandwich from a VCR in the style of the King James Bible," the novelty wears thin:

https://www.emergentmind.com/posts/write-a-biblical-verse-in-the-style-of-the-king-james

Yes, science fiction magazines are inundated with LLM-written short stories, but the problem there isn't merely the overwhelming quantity of machine-generated stories – it's also that they suck. They're bad stories:

https://www.npr.org/2023/02/24/1159286436/ai-chatbot-chatgpt-magazine-clarkesworld-artificial-intelligence

LLMs generate naturalistic prose. This is an impressive technical feat, and the details are genuinely fascinating. This series by Ben Levinstein is a must-read peek under the hood:

https://benlevinstein.substack.com/p/how-to-think-about-large-language

But "naturalistic prose" isn't necessarily good prose. A lot of naturalistic language is awful. In particular, legal documents are fucking terrible. Lawyers affect a stilted, stylized language that is both officious and obfuscated.

The LLM I accidentally used to rewrite my legal threat transmuted my own prose into something that reads like it was written by a $600/hour paralegal working for a $1500/hour partner at a white-show law-firm. As such, it sends a signal: "The person who commissioned this letter is so angry at you that they are willing to spend $600 to get you to cough up the $400 you owe them. Moreover, they are so well-resourced that they can afford to pursue this claim beyond any rational economic basis."

Let's be clear here: these kinds of lawyer letters aren't good writing; they're a highly specific form of bad writing. The point of this letter isn't to parse the text, it's to send a signal. If the letter was well-written, it wouldn't send the right signal. For the letter to work, it has to read like it was written by someone whose prose-sense was irreparably damaged by a legal education.

Here's the thing: the fact that an LLM can manufacture this once-expensive signal for free means that the signal's meaning will shortly change, forever. Once companies realize that this kind of letter can be generated on demand, it will cease to mean, "You are dealing with a furious, vindictive rich person." It will come to mean, "You are dealing with someone who knows how to type 'generate legal threat' into a search box."

Legal threat letters are in a class of language formally called "bullshit":

https://press.princeton.edu/books/hardcover/9780691122946/on-bullshit

LLMs may not be good at generating science fiction short stories, but they're excellent at generating bullshit. For example, a university prof friend of mine admits that they and all their colleagues are now writing grad student recommendation letters by feeding a few bullet points to an LLM, which inflates them with bullshit, adding puffery to swell those bullet points into lengthy paragraphs.

Naturally, the next stage is that profs on the receiving end of these recommendation letters will ask another LLM to summarize them by reducing them to a few bullet points. This is next-level bullshit: a few easily-grasped points are turned into a florid sheet of nonsense, which is then reconverted into a few bullet-points again, though these may only be tangentially related to the original.

What comes next? The reference letter becomes a useless signal. It goes from being a thing that a prof has to really believe in you to produce, whose mere existence is thus significant, to a thing that can be produced with the click of a button, and then it signifies nothing.

We've been through this before. It used to be that sending a letter to your legislative representative meant a lot. Then, automated internet forms produced by activists like me made it far easier to send those letters and lawmakers stopped taking them so seriously. So we created automatic dialers to let you phone your lawmakers, this being another once-powerful signal. Lowering the cost of making the phone call inevitably made the phone call mean less.

Today, we are in a war over signals. The actors and writers who've trudged through the heat-dome up and down the sidewalks in front of the studios in my neighborhood are sending a very powerful signal. The fact that they're fighting to prevent their industry from being enshittified by plausible sentence generators that can produce bullshit on demand makes their fight especially important.

Chatbots are the nuclear weapons of the bullshit wars. Want to generate 2,000 words of nonsense about "the first time I ate an egg," to run overtop of an omelet recipe you're hoping to make the number one Google result? ChatGPT has you covered. Want to generate fake complaints or fake positive reviews? The Stochastic Parrot will produce 'em all day long.

As I wrote for Locus: "None of this prose is good, none of it is really socially useful, but there’s demand for it. Ironically, the more bullshit there is, the more bullshit filters there are, and this requires still more bullshit to overcome it."

Meanwhile, AA still hasn't answered my letter, and to be honest, I'm so sick of bullshit I can't be bothered to sue them anymore. I suppose that's what they were counting on.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/07/govern-yourself-accordingly/#robolawyers

Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY 3.0

https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en