#and i wish that wasnt the truth

[tokyosmega]

i really like this compromise and how they are fixing things, if they lower the price of the subscription at all i'll subscribe because i know how much it costs to be an artist and to make what you want. i want them to be able to make the content they want to create without having to rely on the general public

[jacianpikachu]

society if we had saw merch besides billy plastered on things

[lufronus]

In the end I will always be too much for everyone, no matter how much they claim to love me

[todayisafridaynight]

THIS IS GONNA SOUND SO MEAN BUT WHY DO U LIKE RYO AOKI/MASATO

masato hot

[caffeinatedopossum]

That sad realization that not only did the undiagnosed autism lead to me not realizing my "friends" were actually bullying me the whole time I knew them but I was also unintentionally doing something similar to neurotypical friends because I didn't understand how we thought differently

[ashtraysystem]

I've been learning how to better listen to my body's needs, specifically nutritionally.

I used to eat a lot more junk than I do now, bc I was running on caffeine and sugar 90% of the time, but lately I've been doing better nutritionally I think.

I have a higher variety of foods I eat in the morning rather than just shove poptart in my mouth and go. I've learned that I can eat whatever the heck I want whenever I want. So sometimes I'll make myself a tuna sandwich for breakfast! And that slowing down and having a good breakfast (even if that means making it quickly and then eating while I drive) is better than pumping my body full of sugar and caffeine for "energy". It's not sustainable.

Something I've found that works well for me is pairing a quick energy food with a slow energy food, so like protein + carbs or something. idrk food science. Things that kinda balance and gives me what I need for longer while still giving me the short term boost I need.

Because I struggle with chronic fatigue, changing my diet to be better for me has helped a lot in some areas. However doing those things can take a lot of prior thought and preparation, which takes energy. if I want to have salmon I have to put it in the fridge the night before. If I want to have overnight oats I have to make sure I have all the ingredients I want in it. Tonight I made some coconut ice cubes bc I want to try making a coconut smoothie in the morning! But all of that is prep work required for future foods, which isn't always as easy.

Someday I'll be in a better place in my life where I can truly choose exactly what goes into my body, but for now I am stuck at the whims of my family's dinner plans and my own lack of money to do with what I please. There's some things I can change, such as asking for salmon on steak nights. It can be hard to see all the things I am capable of changing though bc of how ingrained it is in me to just deal with what I am given.

[truckstoptigers]

I don't know why I keep thinking about this because I'll never get an answer but why didn't ANYONE on my father's side think anything weird was going on??? I know I dwell on it too much but when I really think about it I don't know how anyone thought it was normal that he would drive me to random places, leave me there for several hours, and then come back with me later. I wasn't there often enough to make friends/get to know neighbours.

and even if they didn't notice that, HOW would my behaviour not give something away?? whenever he would come back with me I was always pale, quiet, sullen, and preferred to hide in my room or to sit by myself in the basement. sometimes I was crying. a lot of the time I came back walking funny, too, and bleeding, which wasn't always hidden well. I just don't get it. I don't understand.

it's like with my ex stepmom's brother - why didn't anyone think it was strange for him to be so touchy-feely with me the very same day we met? because he was technically 'in the family'? I suppose that could make sense, but he had his hands & arms all over me. I get that he also would technically be my uncle, but again, we had just met!!! for him to have his arm around my shoulders, kissing my cheeks and trying to sit me in his lap is just fucking weird to me. I don't know. especially because I'm sure my discomfort was visible. I wasn't good at hiding how things made me feel yet.

even earlier than that, how could my brother's mom not notice something was amiss? he would take over an hour to 'put me to bed' at night and she never wondered why? or, again, why he would be taking me somewhere, dropping me off, then going back for me later? sometimes after dark??? we LIVED with her then. maybe he said he left me at my cousins' for a while, because I could see that being believable. maybe that's it. that's the only option I can think of for people not to notice.

I mean, before I went to his house on his weekends I would sob and sob and beg my mom not to make me go, but she didn't know why. I never said anything. I would just say I didn't want to go, and that wouldn't work because my mom would get in legal trouble for not exchanging custody without reason. my brother's mom would've certainly encouraged him to bring my mom to court again. that should have been a red flag, too.

I was considered a pretty 'off' kid when I was little, to the point that it concerned several teachers given the things I spoke and wrote about. nothing about hurting other people, but I had several that worried about me being completely quiet and withdrawn. that only changed around third or fourth grade. they mostly only worried about what I was reading because I drew a lot of graphic Warriors fanart lol.

I guess it just like... hurts? in a way? it makes me angry but at the same time it also just makes me really sad. there are definitely people i'm angrier at than others for what happened - or what didn't happen, I guess. I'm not mad at my past self for not telling anyone, because she did the best she could with what she had to deal with. she lived in constant fear for her life. I can't blame her for that.

I just wish someone noticed, is all.

[fitzrove]

special kind of ow: finding out about a book because the author has died 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲

[tortademaracuya]

books that make me want to stay alone in my home forever and die

[fnalguy]

when tommy says “ I’m not crazy, it’s everyone else who’s fucking crazy. “ it really hurts my soul. like he may not have started out that way but being institutionalized his whole life by people who think he’s crazy definitely drove him there. i have a lot of thoughts about the tommy tapes that i’ll probably break down on my day off.

[nomairuins]

the difficulty of trying 2 explain to ppl that im Not being self deprecating or belittling my mental illnesses when i say something that could be perceived as overly critical towards myself but that thise things actually r true abt me. ppl did die.

[fardf150]

fuck

[expressionismeh]

Cant stop thinking about him.

Lust is one of the most powerful feelings for me. Its always lead me to act irrationally and passionately. It gives me opportunity to get closer to myself and find out what I want. Ive learned that what I want and who I am is always changing and I think that is the most powerful part. I don’t know anything that doesn’t change and I never wish to be so stagnant I find myself stiff inside. I wish to be loose, warm, and improper; I wish to be myself

[hammerbonk]

15 days til exams and I need to lie down every day due to extreme fatigue. Not Looking Good Lads im negl

[beesmygod]

i wish there was a way to be like "research the TRUTH about 9/11" without sounding insane, but the older i get the more i realize i wasnt misremembering and the memory of that day has become completely sanitized as an example of american heroism in the face of terrorist aggression and not one of the most horrific systematic failures and explicit moments of sociopathy resulting in a mass maiming/cancer/unidentified remains event.

an unfathomable amount of firefighters died because, despite being given a 21 minute warning that the building would collapse from a helicopter above specifically bc the NYPD hates the fire department

after the first tower had been hit, workers in tower 2 tried to flee and were told to go back to work by security guards and port authority

1000 remains are still unidenitfied

[kiera-the-elk]

yeah. it hurts seeing both of them like we used to be with him. shit dude. and on top of that we like. man *I* know Tim will never like me. and Im fairly certain Jasper never will again anyway. not that Sienna will ever believe me if I bothered to tell her that.