#and i'm tired of seeing ppl say otherwise!!!

[deezneezz]

Leona & ADD

I got a few ppl (on twitter) wanting me to elaborate on Leona and ADD, so I figured I will share my thoughts here as well, please be nice it's just a personal hc. You don't have to agree at all!! Since it contains some personal experiences I ask of people to please be kind about it!

Anyway, Leona and ADD.

I think a lot of people usually agree on Floyd and Kalim having ADHD, but Leona actually shows a lot of lesser talked about traits of ADHD. Namely Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), sensitivity to clothing/textures (he doesn't like restrictive clothes).

He also has the more commonly talked about traits of course, executive dysfunction being a big one. And his depression definitely exacerbates these traits, when i was undiagnosed and depressed i used to sleep my entire days away. I wasn't getting anything done anyway.

Not to mention not sleeping properly, so I was desperate to find moments to sleep during the day. I've slept on floors, on toilets, in an abandoned corner in uni instead of going to class. I was just *so* tired all the time I didn't want to sit in class, I wanted to sleep.

I was lucky I passed classes without studying, cause i would've never gotten through uni otherwise. I still took longer than necessary. The moment my support system (Ruggie, anyone?) graduated and left I had no one taking care of my basic needs, and I certainly didn't.

I had a dorm mate who cooked for me, made sure I had even an ounce of self-care, and also looked at my room and said "hmm, Deniz, maybe it's time to clean up a little" and then I very reluctantly admitted that it may have gotten a little out of hand.

She would just sit in my room sometimes chilling around while I cleaned cuz that was one of the few ways I cleaned at all (this is a real thing for ADHD, called body doubling. It works). Ruggie arriving at NRC and Leona suddenly performing tons better in school is no coincidence.

Coming back to RSD.. I mean I don't really have to explain it do I.. book 2, Lilia's scathing remarks, the shame of disappointing his dorm, etc. I know a lot of ppl call book 2 an 'overreaction' but like, this is genuinely what it feels like internally when RSD triggers

book 6 too, Jamil's over-protectiveness is clearly (to the audience) smth that's mostly Jamil's own habits and trauma doing. But to Leona it's a rejection/insult to his ability to take care of himself, his skill, etc. This was genuinely smth that set me off too.

"How dare you try to explain to me smth I already know, do you think I'm stupid?" "You're not like me." The unwillingness to admit that someone may be relatable in any way because making any comparison to yourself makes you vulnerable to what you haven't achieved for yourself.

"I would ace these classes too if I wasted my time and life studying as much as they did, but I actually love myself." <- guy who was jealous and did not know he was coping and didn't study cause of executive dysfunction and concentration issues.

Leona clearly knows a lot about the things he genuinely cares about, Ancient spell language, chess, magishift, so its kind of funny to see him so low effort in classes. Though honestly i know the game also says that "Leona already knows all this stuff" so.. who knows really...

Now I'm more chill but I used to legitimately go off the handle a little cuz RSD doesn't really care about whether the shit u feel is proportional to the offence it physically hurts in your chest and you just wanna burn down the world at that exact time and... IS THAT NOT LEONA...

TLDR: give Leona therapy and meds, lol.

[hrhmimieucliffe]

⚠️Another Rant Incoming⚠️

I hate how some people are so threatened by Margo in general. Sure, her and Miles had a like 10 second interaction (with mad chemistry), the writers said Margo thinks Miles is cute, and the script implies that Gwen was a little jealous which is why they specifically say she yanked Miles FROM her, but all of this isn't going to undo 2 movies worth of Miles and Gwen development and content, whether Miles feels like she betrayed him or not. He WILL eventually forgive her, and they'll go out, let's be real. Miguel's canon blah blah will be proven wrong or will be shown to not be entirely correct (which it already has been) and Gwen will realise it's cool for her the with him. They'll use their watches to be with each other.

Just constantly trying to figure out why people are so threatened by a 10 second interaction she had with Miles, lmfao. Him and Gwen are cute and always have been cute, and will get together.

And please don't give me the "YAll juST hAtE inTerACIaL RelaTiOnsHips" bs, because 1. First of all I am a Black woman and I love all kinds of men and admittedly I have had way more crushes on non black men than black men and would happily date a non black man, so no, I don't hate interaccial relationships, and 2. That's just an annoying reach.

Just tired of people acting like this in general when a fan even tries to imply that a character is even attracted to a black girl/woman, like.... what is peoples deal with that? Same way some of the non black people are trying to argue with black women about the fact that Hobie would most likely date a black woman first and foremost before any other woman, given the time he lives in??? Like... it doesn't even stop at characters, people act like this in real life when a man dares to show an attraction to us.

This is why we need more black women being loved in fictional media, because otherwise, we'll have people acting like this.

And I'm sorry, but I've gotta say it, yall would accept characters like Miguel being with a hologram or his MARRIED (with a daughter) friend, before you ship him with a Black woman, like....

Also I see ppl hating on Hailey and I don't like that either, stay away from her.

[decolonize-the-everything]

Saying "I'd vote for an anti-fascist if they ran in my party and enough ppl in my party supported them, but my party supports genocide instead so we should vote for Genocide again." in 2023 is fucking wild

I genuinely can not believe that Blue Fascists are legitimately getting y'all's consent to not only commit genocide, but to give them the opportunity to do it again and y'all REFUSE to stop and think about what your ACTUAL morals and principles are anymore.

"yeah but if we don't vote blue-"

Any Democrats still using this soft threat/warning is one of two things: safe and always has been OR is safe on us soil and does not want to be treated the way other minorities are.

It's about making sure THEY are safe. Their lives are unbothered.

I've had 3 Dems tell me in the last two days "you're worried about yours. Im worried about mine." There are notes on the poll I made on Tumblr with the same exact sentiments.

Liberal gays will tell you: do you want what's happening there to happen here? Project2025 is a real threat!

And that's cuz they refuse to see it is here. They don't see natives being arrested and tear gassed on our own land the same way theyd perceive someone walking into their yard and tear gassing them out. They see it as just how natives are treated. They don't see it as inequality or unfair or something to even be addressed.

They see it as normal. A part of life that they just are so helpless about.

But listen to them cuz what they're saying is important.

Just the threat of being treated how the rest of us are and they beg and gaslight the whole planet into supporting a racist and genocidal warmonger.

Democrats are NOT a party of the people no matter how much they try to gaslight the rest of us into believing it

They are literally guilting and manipulating us to tolerate more genocide and hate crimes and war crimes cuz doing otherwise would force them to sacrifice some of their 1st world comforts.

Democrats are fucking fascists and I'm tired of everyone pretending they're not.

I'm tired of everyone pretending "lesser evil" is necessary.

Fuck you.

I'm done suffering for someone else's comfort when all they have shown me MY ENTIRE LIFE is that they would let me die if it meant they had to be uncomfortable to save me.

Fuck you, Democrats are never ever getting a vote from me or anyone I know ever again.

Give me Claudia De La Cruz or give me death

[moeitsu]

Since it's pride month I wanna talk about something I've noticed in the Red Dead Redemption fandom:

The Bisexual erasure of Sadie Adler and Arthur Morgan.

I apologize if this comes across as harsh, but it's something that's been on my mind since I started interacting w/ this media. And as a bisexual, I wanted to discuss it further.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with shipping these characters with the same sex. Personally, I am a Charthur shipper till the day I die. I don't ship Sadie with anyone but her husband, but I still enjoy seeing the fanart and headcanons of the women she's shipped with.

That being said, these characters are not lesbian or gay. That's literally a fact, and if you think otherwise it is bisexual erasure.

Let's start with Sadie Adler. Her entire character arc is getting revenge on the O'Driscolls for killing her husband. Whom she mourns for years, and talks about frequently with Arthur/other camp members. Now, if you want to ship her w/ Abigail or Molly or whomever, go for it!! But she has loved and still loves her husband. She is not a lesbian, and she didn't just magically turn into a lesbian after Jake's death. If she had any love interests other than Jake, this would make her bisexual. (even Sapphic is still a more appropriate term than lesbian)

The same goes for women in real life who have dated men first, then dated a woman. Just because their current partner is the same sex doesn't mean we can assume they are suddenly lesbian. Calling characters lesbians even if they have been in a relationship with men before is bisexual erasure.

This same concept is applied to Arthur Morgan. He had previous relationships with women. (one of whom he still has strong feelings for) and he is attracted to women. We see this with his greeting dialogue and when he compliments people. I believe Arthur's character is more likely to be bisexual than Sadie's, given his interactions w/ some of the men in the game. But that doesn't erase the fact that he's still attracted to the opposite sex. Arthur is not a gay man. Disregarding his past relationships w/ women is a form of bisexual erasure.

There is a huge double standard here because if these character's were actually lesbian/gay and the fandom decided to ship them with people of the opposite sex (i.e headcanon they are bi), there would be a major discourse.

Whenever bisexual women and men are presented in the media I always notice a few things:

Bi women are "secretly straight"

Bi women "don't know their lesbian yet"

Bi men are "secretly gay"

As well as this funny little graphic below ↓

Like I said before, I am bisexual. And if I'm being honest this years pride month has been exhausting and mildly infuriating with how the community seems to disregard bisexuals in a hetero relationship.

I stopped talking about my bisexuality with people because once they know I have been in a committed relationship with a man for seven years, I am suddenly excluded from the conversation.

I've had ex-friends tell me that I only identify as bisexual to "fit in" with the queer community. I've had people in college assume I was lesbian bc of the way I dressed, and then try to tell me that I must be secretly lesbian when I tell them I'm Bi. (Ppl also assumed I was non-binary bc of the way I presented but that's another story)

This stuff doesn't just happen to fictional characters, it happens to real people every single day. I'm honestly tired of ppl saying "well my headcanon doesn't hurt anybody, they're not real." Yes it does!! You are supporting Bi erasure!!

That's all I'm gonna say on this topic for now. I'd love to leave it open for discussion, but please be nice. This isn't a call-out or me trying to antagonize the queer rdr community. I just wanted to get it off my mind.

[noridoorman]

# Nuzi is not a pro-ship, I'm so tired that needs to be repeated #

I went on Twitter for like the first time (what a mistake) and saw again and again people complaining about how Nuzi is a pro-ship, Uzi is just a teen, N is an adult, yadda yadda and it gets so tiring at some point.

one point might be a bit controversial tho oops

"Uzi said herself that she's a teenager!"

Yes, she did. But teens can range from the ages of 13-20. It is a wide spectrum that is thankfully narrowed down by episode 3 when it is revealed that all classmates in her class are around the ages of 18-20. There's nobody younger than 18, meaning that it's highly unlikely that Uzi is 17 and even more unlikely that she's 16. She has to be around the ages of 18-20.

"But Uzi does to highschool, which only teens between the ages of 15-17 go to!"

That is if you assume that the drones only adopted the American school system. However, we've got a drone that only speaks Russian and a manuel for drone parents that is translated in French. In Germany, adults over the age of 18 can visit highschools. Heck, I'm 19 and currently in my 12th year of highschool. I'll be 20 in my final years where my prom will happen too, which, again, indicated that Uzi is older than what everyone assumes.

"How come Uzi is older than 18 if there are parent-teacher conferences?"

Again, my school also has parent-teacher conferences, even for the students that are adults. It's an optional thing and at this point in the story, Khan wanted to somehow reconnect with Uzi again which makes sense that he visits the parent-teacher conference.

"Uzi is shorter than her classmates, indicating that she's younger!"

Short adults exist, I don't need to elaborate further.

"Uzi's mom died shortly after she was made. N was already an adult at that time!"

We've seen through flashbacks from Doll that her parents died while she was a teen/not a pill baby. The same could have happened to Uzi, that Nori died while she was older. Also, N already being an adult is something I wanna unpack in the next argument.

"Uzi at some point asks about her mother, indicating that she never truly knew her! This implies that Uzi was a baby when Nori died!"

Yes, N could have also killed Nori while Uzi was a baby. But guess what?

N was a "baby" too.

Bear with me.

If we really wanna go by ages of the drones, we should remember that ALL the drones aged differently. Uzi was the only one that was a pill-baby before. N, V and J weren't, they were all in adult bodies. Yet, they were all around the same age of Uzi.

The way I understand the timeline is like this;

Uzi is made. N gets rescued from the scrapyard and saved by Tessa. I'd like to assume that he only got to live a few months before being discarded, as we can see that humans act very carelessly with their drones. So, Uzi is essentially a newborn while N is around 3-5 months old.

about 2 years pass. Both N and Uzi are two-years-old. However, ONLY UZI IS A PILL BABY DRONE. N was always in the default worker drone body. He can talk, move and do a bunch of things a 2-year-old shouldn't be able to do. However, if we base age on maturity and life experiences than he's no more an adult than Uzi was. All of his capabilities are programmed, he'll literally just die if he can't do those things cause otherwise he's defective. (BTW, NOT JUSTYFING PPL THAT GO "oh, you're mature for your age" OR SHIT LIKE THAT. I'M JUST SAYING THAT IN TERMS OF MATURITY, THEY WERE MOST LIKELY ON THE SAME LEVEL)

Uzi is now 3-years-old and the diassembly drones killed Nori. It'll make sense why she doesn't remember much of Nori and ask questions about her. N is also 3-years-old and he, along with V and J, are doomed to kill Worker Drones until they finish their job and die due to overheating.

By that logic, N AND UZI ARE AROUND THE SAME AGE.

Of course we can't get a clear timeline of events as Liam said that he doesn't want to write himself into a corner. But this is the one that makes me most sense to me unless somebody manages to proof me otherwise.

UZI WAS A PILL BABY, N WAS NOT.

N might aswell have been a pill baby this whole time and nobody would have batted an eye. Their physical bodies do not equal their mental maturity and age, those are completely seperate entities.

I might have fumbled on my words a lot, I'm not a native English speaker. I still hope this was easy to explain without me having said something wrong accidentaly.

"N x Uzi just came out of nowhere for fanservice!"

It was confirmed that the scirpt of Murder Drones was finished way back at episode 1 before the ship became even popular. Heck, Glitch posted a picture of Beau before the second episode dropped. Also, animations takes such a long time to do with lots of planing. Last minute changes are extremely risky to make and no professional studio like GLITCH would do that just to appease the fans.

"They killed of V to make Nuzi canon!"

I agree with the part that V should have gotten more screentime before her death.

But she wasn't killed off to make Nuzi happen.

She just went through an entire charachter arc from this drone that masks her trauma thorugh feiging apathy/joy in killing and always making decisions based on what she thought was right because she couldn't trust the people around her, not even N.

At the end, when V sacrificed herself, she finally recognized that Uzi is not CYN, she's as much as a victim as V was and that Uzi truly cares about N like she does. Her sacrifice was there to show how she finally manages to trust Uzi, even though she most likely knows how dangerous Uzi can get if she loses control. I just wished they build up towards that more cause it would have been so much better but she wasn't killed off to make Nuzi happen.

There are probably more arguments that I missed...

[frequentderealizationcore]

You asked for jason opinions so rant incoming:

I hatehatehateHATE the bastardization of Jason's robin both in universe and out of it.

How Alfred says"[Jason] was determined to disobey [Bruce]" before jason is even buried??? How Bruce takes Cass to Jason's grave and proceeds to absolutely shit on Jason's memory? The victimblaming??? And how dc resorted to it because otherwise ppl would be like "hey why the FUCK is batman taking on more child soldierssidekicks when the last one died??" So they answered "well jason brought it all on himself. He was reckless and violent and impulsive and disobedient-" LIKE SHUT UPP. Stop it. Why are you soo obsessed w shittalking a dead 14 year old???? Not to mention the CLASSISM. "I adopted Jason to stop him from becoming a criminal" bitch??? A) vigilantism is a crime you dumbfuck. B) Jason had morals long before you came along. He literally says he doesn't want to be a crook and that he steals only what he needs to when he first meets Bruce. But bruce is so convinced that crime=immoral (despite the vigilanitsm) that he latches onto the first impression he had of Jason (some punk STEALING his tires) that hes like "oh jason was always destined to be evil :( red hood proves it :( there was nothing i could have done" makes my blood boil. And then ppl are like "oh bruce is such a good father! Why can't jason see that he loves him smh" like are u fr??? Bruce legit slit jasons neck to save jokers life+ was/is a classist piece of shit to jason+ constantly blamed him for his death (tho this is more editorial but still) sir wtf are you smoking.

You're so right like the way dc had to justify their decisions with jason and they just started victim blaming a fictional child. Like huh?

I hate the way he basically had nothing when he was robin, barely any friends, no team, and no support system. And on top of that like you mentioned, the way they treated his death and memory is so awful, making other characters talk shit about him just because again, they had to justify their decisions with him. When people complain about fanon jason and tim interacting and how tim absolutely hated jason and thought he was a failure I'm like yeah, it's true, and just maybe it's because dc had to prove that this robin is totally different from the past one guys he's so much better his hero was Dick Grayson and he's way more competent than the violent reckless poor jason todd. Not going to talk about the classism because oh boy does that one deserve its own post.

[spicyrottingbrains]

I need ppl to pls tag their posts. Have your own fun but pls for the love of God tag your ship in the post instead of using only the character tags. Tumblr doesn't care that the content isn't for me it just knows that I interact with most of the 911 character tags so unless you tag your ship it won't actively filter out for me. I'm not into the bucktommy ship so I've filtered it out so that I can have a good online experience. This post is because of a few specific posts I've seen but it applies to everyone. And I know I've complained about this before but the problem hasn't stopped so here I am again. And this has nothing to do with the discourse. The posts were fine and I'd probably enjoy them if it was about my ship. But it wasn't and I specifically had content about this particular one filtered out so PLEASE tag your posts properly so it can reach the right audience and those who dont want to see it wont see it and then everyone can be happy.

(Also I'm tagging all relevant tags here because again this has nothing to do with the discourse and is just a general reminder for ppl to tag properly so it reaches the right audience)

(And before anyone says block them, yeha the accounts I really don't wanna see I do block, but there are ppl whose content I otherwise enjoy and if they just tagged properly then I wouldn't have to see the post I wouldn't like while I do see the ones I do enjoy. It's not that hard to (again) TAG PROPERLY. Not to say i havent blocked ppl because of their horrendous tagging but again I'm just so tired of it.)

and I say one last time on this post LEARN TO TAG.

[hologramcowboy]

I just read an ask when certain anti daneel blog replied and claimed that Jensen abused daneel, I'm sorry but this is super hypocritical comming from anti daneel blog , like theses blogs spend years taking about awful D is, how they cant tolerates her voice, her face and her attitude, and they only knew her on surface level , now imagine being in Jensen's shoes, he knew for how long 15 years? The person that has to deal with Daneel 24/7 is no one but Jensen! and pls dont tell me he brought it up on himself we dont shame woman who stay in abusive relationship and we should do the same for men, do ppl expect him to be happy and relaxed the whole time ? never be angry or mad, he is a human and not a sheep that smile and do whatever she want him to , oh poor daneel he wasn't nice when he walked away from her to sign fans autographs, will guess what he doesn't have to be when she is a literal bitch , you can see that 2 minutes later in the same video she was shoving him forward, she is disrespectful , always made fun of him , rarely if ever had anything nice to say about him but I guess Jensen always need to treat her like the queen she think herself is, put in your mind that she was bitch since day one while Jensen used to be way nicer several years ago , yeah there was no chemistry btw them but he always speak highly of her and was way more tolerant towards her , he only recently started to be passive agressive when he talks about her so if he fed up with her and strarted to grow spine and put her in her place then good for him , but I doubt this is the case and I still think she is in full control of everything otherwise we wouldn't get the abomination that called TW , he sacrified his relationship with jared and lost half of the fandom to give his useless talentless wife a job and as one of the anon mentioned she is the one that send him back to work when he wanted to have vocation, I just think what happened here is that Jensen is older now and less tolerant of BS , he doesn't have job to run away from her and he is stuck in miserable marriage to take care of his little children that he never ask for ( another thing he didnt want and agreed to do just to make her happy) so if I was him I'd be angry too.

This is an older ask, I decided to reply to it because something’s been on my mind lately. The dangers of one sided views.

Let’s get one thing clear, both Jensen and Danneel show disdain and contempt for each other. Both have displayed less than ideal partner behaviour. Not sure what this anon was reading at the time but my guess is they saw one of my posts in which I mentioned Jensen was not behaving like a stand up husband.

There’s this narrative going around that vilifies Danneel without giving Jensen responsibility. That basically makes Jensen into a baby easily controlled by the evil, manipulative, witch Danneel.

I’m not saying Danneel can’t be manipulative, I’ve always called her out when she has been. I’m saying there’s an entire dedicated side of fandom that basically views Jensen as an abused baby who is no longer in control of his life. I’ll admit that, in the beginning, I too fell for these narratives but, over time, observing Jensen’s choices, it became clear where his values lie. He’s not the ideal husband, he’s career centered, he never takes responsibility for anything, everything is on Elta. Those are not the signs of an abused man but rather a man that has created a life of convenience and for whom family life comes second. I’m really tired of receiving anon messages about Jensen being abused.

Is Elta demeaning, devaluing and all of that? Yes, undeniably.

Is Jensen powerless? In no way, shape or form!!

If he is in a marriage with Danneel is because he chooses to be as long as it is convenient to his lifestyle. He lets her get away with certain behaviours as long as it serves him.

Jensen is a highly privileged man who holds all the cards when it comes to his career and personal life. Let’s please stop pretending he is a helpless baby run by Danneel the witch. Again, I know she’s manipulative but, at the end of the day, everything she is allowed is thanks to Jensen. The very reason she even has children is thanks to Jensen, her recent roles and titles - thanks to Jensen, recent press - thanks to Jensen, getting away with being condescending and devaluing on stage - thanks to Jensen. It’s a choice, at the end of the day.

While I have zero doubt he is unhappy due to the choices he’s made so far, I no longer blame Danneel for his misery because he holds the power to change his path entirely. Many actors in toxic relationships have divorced and still enjoy a career so if Jensen is holding back from divorcing it’s due to choosing to stay in a relationship where both partners feed off each other’s unhealthy dynamics.

It takes two people to form a dynamic. Let’s give responsibility where it is due, because being responsible for one’s own boundaries, wellbeing, life path is where freedom and healing begin. Being responsible is being empowered as opposed to power-less. Shitty person as she may be, Danneel is fully supported in her shenanigans by Jensen, he approves of her everything so let’s stop pretending like she’s some supernatural evil thing that moves in the dark and start acknowledging just how much Jensen enables her and, while we are at it, start acknowledging he’s no angel either. I dislike Danneel but I also feel sorry for her, for her marriage situation but, I guess, at the end of the day, you sow what you reap and they both chose fame and money over deeper values.

This is my view, purely, take what resonates and leave the rest.

[crumpetz]

Are You ok? I'm worried

I am okay! Don't worry! This goes out to everyone in the past months who's sent something like this too. I'm sorry I never replied. I was tired, saved it for later, and then forgot. If i seem like i'm blowing you off, this is probably the reason every time :')

I was putting off giving much detail, cuz i didn't want to share so much about my personal life that it felt burdensome for ppl just there to read i guess? but being vague is actually having the opposite effect so, if you don't wanna know, please skip this!

what's been going on with me is mostly a connective tissue disorder i've had since i was born, and it's the kind of thing that gets worse over time. around my last update of Big Road Home, it had one of those "getting worse" checkpoints.

i lost a lot of strength and dexterity in my hands, meaning there are some days typing isn't doable. i've had all these new food allergies and sensitivities, so a lot of my life is just in the kitchen trying to make food i can eat without reacting. i had to go off my pain meds cuz they were making the food reactions worse, so i've been spending a lot of my life managing pain (it's been surprisingly good, btw, it's just time consuming). i also had covid again, and the long-covid brain fog is so bad this time :'''( i'll be halfway through writing a sentence and forget what i just wrote and where i was going with it.

written out like this, i'm aware this seems like a lot. and it is. but i really don't want anyone to feel burdened by it. i'm not trying to do toxic positivity on myself or anyone else. i just see all this, PERSONALLY, as part of my life? like most adults have jobs they have to go to, my job that i have to go to is taking care of my body, which is trying really hard to do what i ask of it (i think working in childcare may have influenced how i think of it lol for me my body is a tired toddler and i gotta be proud of it for just showing up).

i've had these problems all my life, so i got most of the frustration out about it when i was a kid/teen. now, i've trained myself to view new limitations as a quest to find out how i'll adapt to living with that. and sometimes i do get scared i won't succeed on the quest (pain management, i'm looking at you) but so far, i've been very lucky with finding things that work for me.

all that is to say, i'm fine, just taking my time. thanks to everyone who's asked or reached out to me <3

(and just a note about the fic for anyone wondering: i'm trying to have multiple chapters ready before updating Big Road Home because otherwise there will be a cliffhanger without a quick follow-up. but the parts i'm at just happen to be when my rough drafts get really rough and are missing entire scenes because those parts were so complicated that i was saving them for later. jokes on me that i'd have brain fog when that later arrived ;v; wish me luck)

[shellxrls]

babe r u okay we haven’t seen you for ages :/

SORRY NONNIE. i feel like i shld do a clarification post cuz i've gotten a few asks and i feel kinda bad for leaving u guys in the dark 😭. i've just been putting this off cuz i've been tired and stressed coupled with other reasons (that i'll explain) that make me not want to publicly interact on this blog:

recently i've noticed such a large uprise in hate on this app (ranging from pro-israel/anti-palestine posts to mutuals outside of my fandoms being called aggressive slurs to ppl within the obx fandom consistently expressing opinions of dislike and resentment to authors for simply writing what they want) - also largely made up of anon asks with the foundation of racial or sexuality based hate (which i won't go into depth ab but ppl definitely pick and choose who to send hate to based on those factors - pisses me the fuck off more than anything bcuz i don't come on this app to be bombarded with racism and reminders of my racial perception in this world, regardless of whether its directed at me or mutuals).

another thing, (which ik has been said forever but continues to remain important), the lack of support and interaction for/with writers on this app is definitely very discouraging. i no longer feel supported by the community i've created and the truth is i need that interaction to keep writing and engage my motivation otherwise i feel like what i'm doing on this app is pointless.

no one logs onto this app to listen to me rant ab personal issues, and so i wont' go into extensive detail - but i've consistently used tumblr to escape my personal life, and the burdens and stress that come with. ofc i'm a writer, but wayyy beyond that this is intended to be my safe space where i can enjoy and simply be myself and let go of personal stress as well as interact happily w like-minded ppl. due to this, i've made an effort to take time out of my own life and duties to write and to interact because of the community. recently however i find myself more and more anxious to even open the app and look at my notifs, and whenever i do open the app i make myself feel bad by comparing myself to other writers - which is completely normal occasionally, but at this point its not as easy to shake considering all the factors listed above. its unfortunate to say but it simply hasn't felt worth it to be on this app and interact for while now for me.

before anyone says i'm being too sensitive or its my sole purpose to write - pls remember that this is entirely my blog, i can choose what my motivations are for being on this app and its not a stretch to kindly ask for more in terms of stopping hate and simply being more supportive if u do genuinely like an author and their works.

ultimately i've been both a fan/reader and a writer on this app for multiple years atp, i can understand both perspectives but i've honestly never felt this disconnected and upset ab a blog before. I understand that not everyone is to blame, and i'm sorry to those who've been kind & active supporters, but my public interactions have been limited and may continue to be bcuz i feel v unsure & stagnant atm.

the only 'exception' to this is my mutuals, i love them all obv and their works, & so i'm continuing to interact w them as per normal, and so i am active on the app & i'm definitely not entirely gone by any means. if anything i just need a few more days to reconsider, but we'll see.

[tomwambsgans]

hello! I agree with a lot of your takes re: Tom/Greg and am quite sincerely baffled by how many of the big 'intellectual' Succession blogs are comfortable dismissing them as a joke unworthy of insight or analysis. one of the weirdest trends I've seen is 'Tom/Greg would be nothing without Tom/Shiv' because it's like... of course a storyline about what's essentially an affair relies on the marriage it's destroying; of course the relationships on the show all feed into each other vitally. I wouldn't even say I 'ship' T/G or have a deep personal investment in it, but I think understanding it as textually real and substantial is essential to any reading of the show as a whole. I love Tom's relationship arc with Shiv; I find it chilling and heartbreaking and fantastic (and I have equal sympathy for her), but saying that every scene he has with Greg is just about Shiv is such a ludicrously ignorant dismissal coming from people who purport to be invested in, like, serious dramaturgical analysis. Tom being closeted is important; Tom sincerely (and sometimes truly selflessly) loving Greg on a show about egomaniacs forever betraying each other is important. it's almost hilariously ironic to see 'serious' bloggers waving it all away.

this isn't to say that the vast majority of those interested in T/G don't also get them completely wrong – once people are actually confronted with a 'canon gay pairing' that doesn't conform to shipping conventions they don't know what to do with it. it's just tiring that the two extremes seem to be 'total, smug disregard' and 'pointlessly unfaithful misrepresentation'.

but anyway: I like your blog! keep doing what you're doing.

hi wow okay i love this message first of all

and tbqh that Intellectual Dismissal of tomgreg? homophobia. it's homophobia. whether internalized or otherwise that's genuinely what it is lol. like at absolute best it's ppl who've been convinced that it's dumb or immature to be passionate and sincere about two men loving each other and that that's never gonna be the "correct" reaction about a piece of media or something.

and yeah no "tomgreg only exists bc of tomshiv" is a take that makes me want to rip my hair out any time i catch so much of a whiff of it. as something to dismiss tg first of all it's dumb as fuck bc like.. okay? and YOU only exist bc your dad managed to say some offhanded thing to your mom one day that made her decide they were gonna fuck or vice versa. everything in the world "only" happened because something else happened first. and then as an actual analysis of tg it's still wrong and falls apart so easily with so many of the big tg moments in mind. like nero and sporus? I'm gonna push my wife down the stairs and marry you? I'm literally going to end my marriage and be with you instead? and honestly you don't even have to go far that into the show, I'd argue that the ortolan dinner and the connection that tom literally spells out there is very clearly independent of shiv. there's parallels but tom isn't consciously thinking "shiv is out cheating on me so i'll also (emotionally) cheat on her".. obviously lol. Tom and greg simply connect as two human beings more than basically any other pair in the show do and the actual ""reliance"" that their relationship has on shiv boils down, I would say, to simply how tom's unhappiness with shiv pushes him to pursue what he wants. otherwise yeah tomshiv influences certain aspects of the tg dynamic but I guess a lot of ppl don't realize that that's not the same thing as being "reliant" lmao

[puzzled-pegasus]

Annabeth Chase headcanons because I must have hallucinated doing this list months ago

She has major resting bitchface sometimes especially when shes thinkin really hard abt something or shes tired

She was really touch deprived for a super long time, especially before she got with Percy, so she tends to shy away from physical contact that's too sudden unless it's Percy, Chiron, or Piper (or thalia)

When she gets excited about a topic it's really hard for her to guage whether someone else wants to hear her informative talk about it so she ends up boring some people to death if they're too polite to change the subject on her

She considers Sally like a second mother and the two of them have the deepest conversations sometimes

She cries sometimes when she gets mad and it annoys her soo much

She has almost 0 sense of style on account of she's been at camp since she was a child and doesn't really see the need to dress for looks at all, so on occasions where she wants to dress nicely or look cute she asks Piper for help

Piper affectionately compared her to Leo a couple of times, because she loves both of them, and annabeth did not like that

Piper also listens to her infodump a lot and since she has better politeness understanding than Percy (lol) she's better at asking questions and overall Active Listening

Jason is also often genuinely interested in things Annabeth has to say but they don't have conversations as much and also Jason is kinda afraid to ask Annabeth questions bc it takes a while for it to sink in that she's happy to talk and hes not bothering her

(i wonder if he ever asked her about thalia...that would be really sweet I think in need to write that in my mental fic idea list)

On that note shes not always entirely aware of how scary/unapproachable she looks or like she cant always turn it off, otherwise she's a really good leader/teacher, that's kinda the difference between her and Jason as leaders (and also ppl just trust Jason more bc hes a dude which is Not Cool but what can you do)

Part of her love language is incorporating other people into her plans and preparations. Like if shes traveling with other girls she'll make sure to bring extra hygiene products and hairties, traveling with others in general she'll make sure to have extra necessities in case someone needs them. She's like a mom who carries all the snacks except no one knows until someone says "i'm thirsty" and suddenly she's got a pack of mini gatorade in her backpack and she's asking if you want one.

Whenever there's a group discussion she's really aware of how much the other girls are getting to speak, and if someone is being talked over she'll be the one to be blunt and say "hey, I think she has something to say"

She taught Mrs O Leary some more obedience and plays fetch with her a lot

[sweetescapeartist]

A DBS MANGA CHAPTER 102 REVIEW. KINDA...

Some stuff about chapter 102 of the DBS manga I don't really like/I want to quickly discuss. Meant to post this last month but didn't. I'm behind on a lot of things.

All those folks saying True UI is Goku's strongest form... The upcoming chapter says otherwise. Goku uses the silver haired UI form & Beerus apparently views that as Goku at his strongest. Heck, Goku calls it his best move. Good job Toyo for creating True UI (black hair) and confusing fans to believe that was stronger than Mastered UI (silver hair) when in reality True UI is simply UI Sign (black hair) that changed how UI works so it matches more closer to how the anime depicted the technique. UI Omen in the anime allowed Goku to use his emotions, but the more control he has over them, the stronger he becomes until he transforms into Mastered UI. UI Sign in the manga was depicted as Goku needing to be emotionless & stated that emotions hinder the power. This was from the ToP Saga all the way until Toyotaro "created" True UI to function off of controlled emotions like how the DBS anime always has & gave it Omen the name "True Ultra Instinct." [Link to a long post that I paraphrased, so you ain't gotta read it unless you're really interested.]

I get tired of the same expressions in this Super Hero Saga. Its a pouty or surprised face accompanied with an oval shaped mouth. Toyotaro is overusing the hell out of that. Here's a compilation & I left out like 4 other panels with this same expression. (There's more in CH 103)

I saw ppl talking about the poses when Goku & Gohan fight look cool.... Looks pretty stiff imo. At least from what I've seen. Lacks a feel of movement. And you don't even see most of the fight. It doesn't make it cool imo. We've seen MUI in action against powerful opponents. If MUI Goku & Beast Gohan are close to equal strength, why not show actual combat between the two other than the aftermath of clashes? There was more attention to choreography with Gohan vs Trunks & Goten than there is with Gohan vs Goku. (Chapter 103 does better with the combat for Goku vs Gohan)

Toyotaro doing the "this form is called such & such" is weird for me. Seems like he's trying to hype up Western fans or something. Like when Goten & Trunks name Gohan's potential unleashed form "Ultimate." Its just dialogue for the sake of some sort of fanservice. Some ppl will like it, others wont. I just wasn't a fan of it. Feels like its placed here just for fanservice. If they called it ultimate & didn't draw too much attention to it, I would've prefered that. Its naming it but not stopping the narrative flow.

Also wasn't a fan of Goku asking Gohan is his new power was SSJ2 or SSJ3. Goku knows dang well Gohan's Potential Unleashed form is far stronger than SSJ2 & was stronger than SSJ3. He should've just asked "So, what's this form of yours?" and leave it there.

Some Vegeta fans are calling him a proud uncle when he smiles at Gohan & Goku about to spar. No, he is a Saiyan who is ready to see a good fight just as Broly smiled when he watched Goku & Vegeta fight. Is there some pride there? Yes. But Vegeta ain't no uncle figure to Gohan. That's Piccolo & Krillin.

Why are Carmine & Soldier 15 there on Beerus' planet? Goku could have just had his sons & Trunks put a hand on his shoulder then teleported. And why would Gohan see Carmine & 15 who shot at his home & at him, turn Beast out of anger, then hop into the same vehicle as them as if he forgot what happened in the last chapter? It was literally a few seconds ago.

This was just for them to record Goten & Trunks in their costumes (can they even keep up with how fast they are moving?) And it just seems like a plot device that won't matter at all. Anyone remember 7-3 in the Granolah Saga?was there for a moment & served no purpose other than a reference. I bet this with Carmine is for a simple joke to be quickly thrown aside.

[transfem-tomboy-oni]

I feel like I should jjust give up on all my "good" qualities and stop trying to be a "good person" and fighting sgainst all my bad qualities. I. I start to feel like there's nothing good coming of it for me, and not enough good for anyone else to actually keep bothering with me.

I feel like the positive things I get told the most is that I'm nice, and that I'm beautiful.

But. Apparently I'm not enough of either for people to... stick around.

I don't know. Even now I don't know what to write. Cuz it might might people unhappy. But.

Maybe I'll try to let what I feel out, for just this once;

I do my fucking hardest, successfully too most of the time, to make people happy, to help them, to make them feel comfortable around me. Cuz all my life no ones ever done that for me. In school people gave no two shits about me, unless it was to make fun of me or get their homework done easier. FOR 9 DAMNED YEARS. Then I switched schools. I guess I had friends. Friends that, as soon as they were not forced to be in the same classroom as me either cut contact or essentially bullied me online. Since then I haven't made friends in person. My own mom has been there for me. As in. Provided for food, entertainment and ignoring my existence otherwise. I got hugged by her for the first time I can remember when I tried offing myself and telling her that I thought I wasn't worth anything and she didn't love me. She graced herself to hug me long enough so I stopped crying and then pushed me away and went back to watching TV alone telling me to go cuz SHE NEEDS A MOMENT. My dad is just inept. Nice. Trying his best. I guess. I used to see him once every 2 weeks, and we talked like 2 hours maybe, where he left me completely to myself otherwise. The person I had contact and an actual "friendship" with the longest eventually started using that friendship and manipulating and breaking apart my entire friend group to just fucking use me as his damned sex toy whenever he felt like it. And I didn't realize for what? 8 or more damned years. That friend group is now so splintered and fucked that I don't even know what the fuck to do about it. Do I still want them? Do they still want me? Pretty sure they don't enjoy me around anymore tbh. Newest friends I made are from therapy or from tumblr, and it's like 5 people in total, 1 if which I haven't talked to in 2 months as I assume she doesn't give a shit about me anymore, at least not that I could tell. And I still really really damned like her but I wish I fucking didn't cuz it's fucking tearing me apart. I suppose I got used to her being there for me and when she wasn't when I was at 2 of my absolute lowest points my mind just broke or something idk. 2 of them I met in therapy and one of them is nice but doesn't have time, which is okay but also annoying to be honest, but it's not her fault I suppose, and the other ignores me whenever she can. The newest 2 ppls I met are nice but I feel like they either are scared of me, I guess at this point rightfully so or don't actually care.

I keep saying that I'm not super likeable when you stick around me for too long and everyone always tells me they don't think so but somehow the only people that seem to have sticked around for years either did cuz they had no choice or in one case because they didn't actually like me and just enjoyed my body.

So. My honest feelings, no one actually cares about making me happy. I want to be treated the way I try my hardest to treat everyone else. I. I'm tired of having and making friends. I can't bear it. I can't bear being alone either. I have been for too long. I. I want this to end, not my life, just this this this dambed conflict of everything. I feel such conflicting things. I'm trying my hardest to make things right for everyone. And I feel like I am not getting enough back to even keep me going until 30.

Love is conditional. And I don't think I am capable of meeting these conditions. Besides all my hatred for how I'm being treated. I still only blame one person. Myself. For just not being good enough.

I wasn't wanted in this world. I was conceived on accident. And I feel that in the way my mother treats me.

But I hoped that maybe someone else doesn't.

Maybe I'll be able to hold on long enough until I can find someone that does want me. Maybe.

I hold so much hope. For such a hopeless person. Such a hopeless world. I wish I could give up.

[syscultureis]

plural culture is struggling to accept being plural and not knowing what half the terms people use mean because online plural spaces are so overwhelmingly infested with endos/willos/etc and being afraid of accidentally using harmful terminology coined by them but otherwise not really knowing where to look

(This is a less than subtle way of asking for resources, please help I'm so tired of pro-endo/neu-endo carrds being filled to the brim with things that don't even make sense mixed in with actual DID terms)

When it comes to terms it honestly doesn't matter what you use, people on both sides or syscourse might be assholes about it, but at the end of the day terms are words that help you describe yourselves

You don't have to make anything you don't want to public, that's something we see often in system spaces. The "you need to share every single thing about your system or else" mentality. You don't have to, you're allowed to just say "we're a system, here's what we're okay with you knowing about us"

And if you use terms made up by endos, that's still okay. Because honestly I'll admit some of the terms they coined do fit some of our alters

Personally idk any blogs to recommend that can help with figuring it out but ppl in the replies might

My biggest advice is just let yourselves be yourselves and figure it out as you go

You don't have to be 10000% right about everything all the time, sometimes it's okay to just be learning

[uselesssomebody]

𝕔𝕒𝕟 𝕚...? - eddie munson x reader (nsfw)

complete masterlist | stranger things masterlist | eddie munson masterlist

words || 𝟜𝕜

summary || in which eddie finally talks to the cute bartender

a/n || hi i'm not dead. also ppl on this blog who don't care abt eddie munson must hate me and for them i am so sorry. for my fellow eddie simps, i bring you another installment of horny. ➵ there is smut in this, making in 18+ content. please do NOT interact if you are under 18 ➵ not yet proofread - if you see mistakes tell me because typos are a massive turn-off ➵ send me requests if you have ‘em. enjoy!

warnings || fluff/smut smut warnings: ➵ porn with some plot ➵ consent checks (like every other word) ➵ oral (m receiving) ➵ cum eating ➵ p.i.v. unprotected sex ➵ not that glamorous tbh (like ppl get tired & body fluids are kind gross but you're also horny so they're not that gross but their still sticky i.e. gross)

the hideout was empty, as usual. eddie was warm, sweating under his shirt, as he found himself blinking to rid his eyes of the glare of the harsh lights on the stage he’d just been playing on. corroded coffin had earned themselves a smattering of applause after their act - with a record four people clapping as they walked off.

he’d helped gareth load everything into his parent’s van, and waved off his three bandmates as they drove off. usually, he’d join them, but he found the warm atmosphere of the establishment beckoning him back inside.

the sound of the door creaking open was rather loud in the otherwise quiet building, and, as he looked up to the bar, he could see a small smile on her face.

he’d lied - it had not, in fact, been the establishment beckoning him inside, but, rather, its sole employee - the pretty bartender currently turned away from him as she organized drinks on the shelves behind the counter.

he slid - maybe not as smoothly as he hoped, but whatever - into a bar-stool, absentmindedly rapping his ringed knuckles over the wooden surface. he stared, quite obviously, at her as she meticulously arranged the drinks by type and size.

she knew he was behind him, probably waiting for her to say something, but she didn’t just yet. she thought it might be helpful to build some tension as he sat and she worked in silence.

finally, she placed the last bottle into place, tinkering with it to make sure it stayed on the shelf. then, she turned around, smiling in a way that made it look like she was pleasantly surprised to see him.

“hello, sir. what can i get for you?” she didn’t really call anyone else sir, it was just fun to see his hard swallow after she did.

“i’ll take a beer, thanks.” it’s a little mumbled, and she goes to reach for it, before stopping.

“am i gonna need to see some i.d.?” he stared blankly for a second, before laughing, causing her to laugh as well. of course she was teasing - he’d been here so many times before. and his face - well, it wasn’t one she’d easily forget. she slid the chilled glass bottle to him, the foam at the top fizzing just a little at the movement. he clutched it in his hands with a grateful smile, happy that the cold of the drink could neutralize the flush of his cheeks as he held her gaze for just a moment too long. they were silent for a moment, as she toyed with a rag that she was now using to clean the already spotless counter.

they’d never really gotten further than this: his request, her handing it to him, and then the two of them existing in a unbelievably tense silence. when he wasn’t looking at her, she’d let her eyes drift over his post-performance appearance, almost wanting to reach out and touch the soft frizz of his hair. similarly, he ogled at the pretty get-up that she had on, a small skirt and thin t-shirt, while wanting to trace the mauve nail polish on her fingers. she had on some sharp eyeliner that looked like it’d taken a while to perfect, and her dark mascara made her eyes less visible in the low light.

“you write all those songs?” shit, she’d caught him following her every move, and he blinked before looking up at her. she doesn’t seem mad, though - rather, she had the light dust of a flush on her neck.

“hmm? yeah - i mean, uh, some of them. the rest are covers.” she nods, a tight-lipped, almost conservative smile on her face.

“they’re - uh, you’re good. you guys are.” she clarified herself, but eddie took the initial complement. he tipped the bottle in her direction with a wink, making her roll her eyes, before taking a long sip.

there was another silence - well, not really - as she was humming a small tune. was it one of the songs that he’d written? he sure hoped so. another patron walked past, waving her goodbye as he headed out of the door. she smiled and half-waved at him.

“how long have you been working here?” she looked up from her task of checking there were no dents at the bar counter, and her eyes looked so damn doe-like for that moment that it made him want to smile so wide his cheeks hurt.

“oh, since i graduated - about a year and a half.” he nodded. really, he’d already kind of known that - he’d been in school with her and had starting seeing her around the time after she graduated while he played shows. he’d not really spoken to her until about seven months in, though. he wouldn’t like admitting it, but she intimidated him a little bit, “what about you? how’s school?” it’s small talk of the highest degree, but he’s still latching onto it.

“school is -” he exhales a laugh, poking a tongue into his cheek, “- it’s school, y’know?” she did in fact know.

“mrs. o’donnell still not treating you well?” at the mention of the name he groaned deeply, placing his head in his hands. with her question practically answered, she laughed loudly, the sweet sound echoing throughout the bar.

he takes another sip of his drink as she comes back down, a small smile still on her lips.

“when’s your shift over?” he asks, after a moment of silence. for a moment, she seems the process the question - nay, the insinuation - as her smile fades, before she turns away from him to hide her grin.

“oh - in about -” she checked her watch, in an act of nonchalance as opposed to practicality, “- a half-hour?” it’s a statement, but phrased as a question, as she’s really asking him if he’s willing to wait that long.

lucky for her, he was.

the last step of the closing process had been flicking the lights off and locking the door and, through that process, he had been following her around like a puppy. watching as she cleared patrons, cleaned the tables and dusted the floors a little, before striking a cigarette once they were both outside. his eyes were still glued to her, though, almost as if she’d disappear the moment he turned away. he fumbled with the box in his pocket as he offered one to her, and she found it pretty endearing.

“i’m alright, thanks.” he nodded, pulling the cigarette he had been balancing out of his mouth in order to exhale.

“where’s your place?” she looked up pointing to a side road about a hundred meters away.

“it’s a right there and then a bit of a walk.” when she looks back at him, she can see that he has a bit of a grimace.

“and you walk home at this time by yourself everyday?” with every word, the concept seemed more and more ludicrous to him, making her feel a bit sheepish in answering him.

“um - well, i didn’t have to today, did i?” he pauses for just a half-second, before laughing and falling back into step with her.

soon, he’s filling her in on the latest gossip at hawkins high, and she was telling him about the mischief that occurred at the hideout. he was easy to talk to, and she was more interesting than he thought that she’d be - being a little blunt with her language and anecdotes. though - he figured - that was likely necessary in a field such as bartending.

they reach her place quicker than expected, and both of them can tell that the other didn’t want the conversation to end. after a moment of loitering at her door, they decided to speak up.

“do you wanna-”

“i should-” they both looked at each other for a moment, before she laughed.

“do you wanna come inside? it’s a little late, but-”

“yes! uh, sure.” he hopes he doesn’t sound too excited, but the smirk on her lips implies that he wasn’t as smooth as he hoped.

she ushers him in, locking the door behind her as she shrugged her light jacket off. she gestured to a coat rack behind him so that he could hang his jean jacket, and her eyes traced over the tour dates of the metallica t-shirt he had on. he cocked his head to her, catching her eyes on him, so she looks away, deciding instead to show him around.

“- and that’s the kitchen and living room, and -” she pointed at a semi-ajar door, “- that is my bedroom.” he nodded, hands shoved deeply into his pockets. he didn’t exactly feel out of place, instead, it was just a awkwardness in how to keep the conversation smooth, “you want anything to drink? i’ve got a couple beers in the fridge.” he smiled.

“what, ‘re ya tryna get me drunk?” she scoffed at the implication.

“off two beers? i know you won’t.” she’d observed that he had a solid tolerance after his many nights in the bar. though eddie knew she probably had to keep tabs on regulars to cut them off or anticipate bad behavior, but it still felt somewhat intimate that she knew that.

she knew that the only reason she knew that was because the one or two times he had gotten drunk, has been the only times he’d overtly flirted with her, his blurred boundaries making his mouth saying things his sober one would never, but that his sober brain was always thinking.

she procured a can from the fridge for him, as well as one for herself. passing it to him, he nodded gratefully, watching her with a little less shame than he usually did as she leaned back on the counter, her shirt riding up ever so slightly. her outfit was simple - comfortable - but the t-shirt-and-skirt combo was currently doing something for him that he didn’t really wish to admit.

she watched him watch her, not saying anything as she found the way he looked at her when he was oblivious of her own gaze to be marvelous.

“you’re not very subtle with that.” her voice is soft, and it seems to break him out of a trance.

“huh? with what?” she smirked at the shocked, oh-so-innocent look on his face.

“the sta-ring.” she says it in a sing-song tone, and it makes him go cherry. it’s almost comical - the sudden rush of blood to his cheeks, as he shakes his head adamantly.

“i don’t - i don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“sure you don’t.” she took a long sip of her drink, wincing just slightly due to the acidic tinge of it, before smacking her lips, “but those nights at the hideout seem to tell a different story.” he narrowed his eyes at her, angling his body to face her as a devilish smile played on his lips.

“oh yeah? mind telling me it?” she had a similar cheeky smile on her face, as she licked her lips and averted her gaze to her can, feigning nonchalance.

“oh, you know. it can get kinda hard to do my work when one of my regulars is eye-fucking me the entire time.” he gulped as she turned to head to look at him again, her smirk goading a response.

“and - and why’s that?” his voice is a whisper now, knowing that this was his make or break moment. she moves closer to him, subtly, and before he can even think of anything else, her lips are under his.

“because it makes me wanna rip his clothes off on top of the bar.” his head spun at her blunt words, and his tongue’s tied. luckily, she takes the step he’s too scared to make, shifting forward and pulling him down lightly towards her.

for a moment, he’s still in shock, but he’s quick to reciprocate, pulling her hips into his as his lips hungrily chased hers. his wandering hands caused a squeak to emit from her, and she felt a smirk press against her skin.

she’s the first to break away, tracing her mouth from his semi-swollen lips down towards his neck. he squeezes at her hips, taking handfuls of her flesh and rolling it in his palms as she peppered featherweight presses over his throat.

“fuck me.”

“plan on it, handsome.” she mumbled it, and it tickled his skin. in also surprised her, as she suddenly felt something harden against her hip. she smiled, and he could feel it on his skin, so he pulled her lightly away from him.

“not on a kitchen counter, babe.” she pouted, but quickly retracted when she realized that instead of wanting to stop, he was cocking his head towards her bedroom. without a second thought, she grabs him by his shirt, taking him in tow to the room.

as she kicks the door shut behind them, he presses her back against it, kissing her with a newfound gusto, as his hands played at the hem of her shirt. tentatively, he trailed his hands up her stomach, causing goosebumps to erupt over the skin. the sensation makes her shiver, and her hands push onto his scalp tugging at his hair lightly - making him groan against her lips.

he hooks his fingers into the elastic of her skirt and, with a moment of hesitation, pulls away from her.

“can i-?” she nodded vigorously, her hands wrapping around his and encouraging him to push the garment off.

“please - please.” he doesn’t need anything more, pulling her skirt down so quickly that she stumbles as she tries to step out of it, he trails his fingers across her soft thighs, before quickly turning her around and helping - handling - her onto her bed. she pulls him down with her, his legs spreading and his knees kneeling around hers. he goes to kiss her again, but she stops him, instead urging him to take his shirt off. he’s quick to conform, pushing his shirt up, and she presses his shoulders back to admire his inked chest.

“ya like ‘em?” he watches her with endearment, as she traces the tattoos with a nail, and she hums in agreement.

“’ve always wanted one.”

“i’ll take you some day.” she looked up at him, shocked he was actually willing to pause and indulge in her feeble attempt in conversation. it made her smile, though, and she grabs his jaw, placing a softer, more tender kiss on him.

for a moment, there exists just that softness - that more gentle aspect of sex, the kind you would see between a loving couple - and, though she knows it’s just a casual hook-up, she decides to savor it for that moment.

it goes as quickly as it comes, though, as she can hear the distinct sound of a belt buckle unfastening. she looks up at him with hooded eyes, glancing down to see him unbuttoning his jeans and she, in turn, grabs her shirt and pulls it over her head.

he’s in his boxers, his jeans thrown into a corner, as she emerges from behind the cloth of her shirt. he reaches around her, unfastening her bra and allowing her tits freedom, watching with an salivating focus at the gentle bounce of them. she watches the hardened outline in his only remaining article of clothing, and she smirks at his breathy sigh when she gently cups him with one hand, her other hand lightly placed on his thigh.

“can i…?” she trailed off, suddenly embarrassed by the idea of speaking so vulgarly. on the other hand, he absolutely wasn’t, as he took a deep breath, smirking at her in a goading manner.

“can you… what, babe?” she averted her gaze for a moment, before looking up at him.

“can i suck you off?”

“fucking christ, do whatever you want to me, babe.” though he said it with so much conviction, his hand went to rest gently on her head, maintaining some control over her actions. she pushed his boxers down, her mouth opening in excitement upon seeing his cock. he took the complement of it, groaning with a playful smile, “don’t look at me like that - i won’t last.” deciding to put him out of his very visible, almost painfully hard misery, she gently stroked him, taking just his tip into her mouth. she looked up to see him biting his lip to restrain himself, and she took the challenge, pushing forward as far as she could. it took a couple attempts, with her bobbing her head slowly and with purpose, before her nose reached his base, the back of her throat already sore from the stretch. though, she’d gotten her wish, with him releasing a string of curses and praises and she kept her head in place, his entire cock behind her lips.

finally, she moved back, releasing him with a loud pop and taking a deep breath as she continued to stroked him with her hand. similarly, he was trying to keep his breath even, and pulled her hand off of him, pulling her up a little so that the were a little more level.

“tell me what you want to do.” he was at her beck and call - just grateful for the opportunity to see her beauty in such a raw, animalistic way.

“let me ride you?” her response is direct - honestly, it was a no-brainer, and, instead of answering, he adjusted to be resting against the headboard of her bed, beckoning her into his lap. she does just that, hovering over him for a moment as the both of them line her up with him. she sucks in a deep breath, before sliding down onto him.

“oh, fuck-!”

“oh my god.” they groan in unison, her taking a moment to adjust as she struggles for a moment or two to adjust to his size. he’s impatient, addicted to the way she feels around him, and he squeezes her ass to restrain himself.

finally, she gently raises her hips, sighing at the emptiness, before she pushed back down. a moan rumbled in the back of his throat, while high-pitched squeals escaped her, trying not to be loud, but struggling not to be as she rhythmically raised her hips up and pushed them back down on his cock.

after enjoying the show for a while - the warmth of her cunt, the slap of her ass on his thighs, the jiggle of her tits - he gripped her hips, seeing her legs quivering both at the exertions and sensations. he guided her, allowing her muscles to rest a little as he simply rolled her hips back and forth on him. at one point, he heard her moan come out in a garbled choke, and he realized that she was beginning to fall apart.

“you gonna cum?”

“can i?” his eyes rolled into his head at the knowledge that she was asking his fucking permission.

“fucking hell, babe, ‘re ya asking me? ‘course you can, baby, ‘course you can.” he stopped her hips for a moment, and she let out a whine, obviously going to ask why he’d stopped before, her voice is stopped - with her eyes widening and her mouth falling open. he kept her hips still, planting his feet and fucking into her with a vigor. her moans - loud and unashamed, sounded like music to his ears, and though it was physically exerting - the pleasure becoming too much for him as well - he kept his eyes open and his focus on her.

“’m gonna cum - ‘m gonna cum, please don’t stop, ed, fuck, please don’t stop, please-!” she can’t finish her sentence, falling limp into his chest as she came, her moans being muffled into the tattoo under his clavicle. her cunt pulsed around him, making his breathing pick up and his head fall back, his thrusts continuing languidly a few more times, before he lightly pulled her off of him.

even through her post-orgasm haze, she gripped his cock, stroking it slowly as he twitched in her palm, before he came, the liquid flowing into her hand.

“fuck, sorry, let me clean that-” she stops him by retracting her hand and placing her cum-soaked fingers into her mouth. he looks at her in awe, “christ, you’re perfect.” she smiles shyly at his comment, like it was off-hand and casual, like they didn’t literally just have sex.

they stay in her bed, the light mist of sex around them for a moment. it felt right.

she’d finally pulled off the bed, and suddenly felt the sticky liquid on her hand, sweat on her skin, the humidity in her hair. she’s not sure how to feel about it all, but she doesn’t have to think for very long, as she’s quick to get to the sink, wash her hands, and wipe her skin with a towel. as she glanced up, she saw the disarray of her make-up - her lipstick completely smudged and her mascara and eyeliner clumping to make dark stains around her eyes. she’s got reddened marks on the skin of her chest, but none of them look like their gonna last. she swipes at her make-up remover, going to clean her face and devoid it of its zombie-like appearance. she retrieves another cloth and dampens it once she’s finished, and she takes it out to eddie.

she tosses it at him as she begins to rummage through her drawers for something to sleep in, behind her, she hears a soft hum. she turns to face him again, and he looks a little embarrassed that she’d caught the noise. that only made her want to know the cause of the reaction even more.

“hey, stranger.” she jokes, commenting on his rather shocked countenance. he blinked at her.

“what?” she rolls her eyes, as if he was actually clueless.

“you’re looking at me like we’ve never met - were the past few hours a dream?” he lets out a breathy laugh at her comment.

“it’d have been one of my better ones.” she flushes at the complement, but doesn’t avert her gaze, prompting him to answer he question, “no, it’s really nothing. it’s just-” he pauses and she can feel her curiosity pique, “i guess i’ve never seen you without makeup on before.” her eyes widen a bit, suddenly heavily conscious of the natural state he was now witnessing her in. she gulps a little.

“yeah, i guess. are-” her voice cracks a bit, and she almost doesn’t know why, “are you okay with it?

his eyes widened as he went to clarify.

“no! no, i just meant that it’s different.” she raises an eyebrow, shocked by the vagueness of the comment. besides, ‘different’ usually had a negative connotation. he hits himself, realizing how bad he sounded, “good different, you look good, i-” he stops himself, shaking his head, and groans. she can feel a weight off her shoulders as his stuttering clarifies his feelings.

“thanks, ed.” she mumbles, walking back to the bed with an over-sized, plain shirt on. he grabs her waist as she nears, pulling her down into the sheets with him, making her squeak a bit in shock, as he angles her chin towards him, pressing soft, chaste kisses on her lips, and then her nose, and then her ears. he peppers them all over her face - and there’s no sexual connotation to them. as they drift away from her lips, she lets out a soft giggle.

“what’s this for?” he kisses her lips once again - deeply, sweetly.

“to convince you to say yes: will you let me take you out?” her eyes widen a little.

“out, on - on a date?” he nods against her, and she lets out a breathy laugh, “where’re we going?”

“wherever you want, babe.”

“sounds dangerous, ed. i’m not a great influence, y’know.”

“good.” they both laugh, and she can feel his fingers traces shapes into her arm, as her own trail through his hair.

“i’m hot-” he agrees immediately, and she smacks at him, laughing, “i’m hot, so let’s go get ice-cream.” he smiles.

“what a daredevil.”

“tell me about it.”