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amai-no-ura · 2 years

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Hi! It's the 1 seeking a tritype analysis. Thank you very much for taking my case, so to speak, haha. I wasn't sure where to start, so I guess I'll just start by explaining my take on my type. (Oh, and if it helps, I'm a double Lion with a double Bird model and an INFP. I know that's an unusual MBTI type for a 1, but I'm reasonably sure they're both correct? Oh, and I'm probably either so/sx or so/sp.)

Why I think I'm a 1: My deepest fear is that I'm a bad person. Anxiety about this constantly hounds me. I often bully myself into doing the right thing with thoughts that if I don't, I'm a shitty human being. I hold myself to rigorous moral standards and stew in self-hatred if I fail to live up to them. I also have high moral standards for others and will absolutely call out people I think are being shitty. I get into a lot of stupid internet arguments because I can't stand to let someone say something wrong unchallenged. I am fueled by a burning rage at the injustice of the world.

Definitely a gut type, 1 is likely because you hold yourself to rigorous standard. As 8-winger myself, 8s don't hold themselves to high standard. They are more 'revenge is revenge' and 'eye for an eye' type.

Internal thoughts: "God, I don't wanna do X right now... but what if X matters? What if X makes a difference? What if everyone ALWAYS thought 'I don't wanna do X right now'? If I give myself permission not to do X right now, what exactly does that say about me? Ugh, fine, I'll do X."

"Rationally, I know there is no ethical consumption under capitalism and no matter where you buy your stuff you're contributing to exploitation... but boy do I feel shitty buying from this brand anyway."

"God, I am literally the worst person to ever exist. Wait, that's such a self-centered thought. Who's so arrogant as to believe they're important enough to be the worst person ever? God, I'm the worst. Wait... [repeat ad infinitum]"

"Someone's treating me badly! I'm angry! ... But fuck, I probably deserve it. I have no right to be angry."

The most 1 thing I've ever read lol.

Evidence: I've been to 20+ protests over the past couple years and joined a local political organization, driven in large part by that rage at injustice I mentioned. Being at a protest is basically the only time the feeling that I'm not doing enough goes away. I've tried repeatedly to kill myself partly out of the feeling that I'm a terrible person who only hurts the people around me and the world would be better off without me in it. (Don't worry about me, I'm better now.) I still can't help blaming myself for several of the bad things that have happened to me, even though others have told me they're not 100% my fault.

Oh my god, that's level of self-judgment is not a good thing. It's good to be good, but to judge yourself so harsh is not very good, isn't it? This is 1 internal thought. Probably 1w9 (a more internal and detached 1s).

Why I might not be a 1: I really do think I'm a 1, but there are a few things that make me unusual for a 1. I'm not organized or hardworking, and I'm very anti-hierarchical. I'm actually a little bit of a hedonist, even though I kind of hate myself for it--or at least for my propensity to do pleasurable things over important things. Do note that a lot of this can be chalked up to executive dysfunction, as I have a menagerie of mental illnesses.

Have you watched Legend of Korra? The main antagonist in 3rd season is INFJ 1w9 so/sp, he is an anarchist. This can relate to having low Te as well. Low Te isn't very good at forcing yourself to do important things (over what I want to do). Although you feel more like EFP than IFP. Your Te is pretty strong. Hedonism can come from experience and worldview (or having reactive enneagram - like 4 or 6).

Why I'm probably not an 8: I'm not especially controlling of other people. While I do like to be the dominant one in romantic relationships, I'm still pretty laid back as dominant people go. I take leadership positions in groups only if no one else is up to it. My attitude toward people is basically "as long as you're not hurting anyone, you can do what you want." I don't tend to force anything on anyone. No one has ever described me as domineering.

That is more like 9-wing description to me. My ENTJ 1w9 aunt is the same. "Do what you want, as long as you are doing good" and she never forces judgment on other people or try to change them. She directs all those anger and judgment on herself. Which is Fi + 1w9 thing.

To give you a sense of having 8 influence. I don't mind forcing myself on other people if it serves my purpose. People can do what they want, but if they get in my way, I'll obliterate them. I have no qualms about using power on my hand to do what I 'want' even if it's not the most moral thing to do. Leveraging power against people.

Like, my aunt is managing my grandpa's salary. I told her it's her money now, she holds the power and he couldn't do anything if she decides to take it. Why indulges him (giving him money, even if he can't use it. Let him gamble some away for no reason). She told me it's 'bad' to take his money as her own, because it's not hers. He has the right for his money. If I'm in her situation, I'll take it as my own because power is 'in my hand' now. Might makes right, if you have power, you are right. If you don't you are wrong. That is 8 rejection-assertive energy unlike 1 frustration-superego energy.

Why I might be an 8: I have a big thing for protecting the weak and defending the innocent. I hate to be controlled or pushed around. I fear betrayal.

That is more like so/sp instinct. We are protectors. All gut types are concerned with autonomy. So we hate to be pushed around at all cost. And fear of betrayal might relate to your personal experience somehow?

Why I'm probably not a 9: I don't care about keeping the peace--at least not at the expense of doing the right thing. I'll pick fights and shake things up if I feel like something unjust is happening or someone is in the wrong.

That is 9 being subservient to 1. However, you still don't show 2-wing 'meddling' and 'helpfulness'. Your anger is directed inward, the way 1w9s usually are. The question is, do you numb yourself to outside influence when people challenge you. Or do you feel compelling need to 'change' them.

Why I might be a 9: I've been described as chill by people who haven't seen how fiery I get? I dunno, I'm having trouble coming up with anything for this one. I hate arguing with people I care about? But I do it anyway so lmao.

Again, it's 9-wing. A 2-wing wouldn't appear chill in any way. Imagine Hermione. Is she chill? No.

Now onto my tritype. I guess I'll start with the head types.

Arguments for 5: I admit this is one of the least likely types for me to have, but I'm including it anyway for the sake of not ruling anything out. The very fact that I'm doing so is a little 5ish, I think. I've been called intellectual by others, and I like high-minded theories and conceptual bullshit. I do stuff like read political theory for fun. I like gathering information. I tested as a 5 several years ago, when I was still living in my Bird models. I greatly fear being useless and dislike being incompetent.

Nope, not a 5.

Arguments against 5: My 5-ness is more based on stereotypes than actual motivations. I'm rash and impulsive, and things tend to go better for me when I act quickly and decisively. Admittedly sometimes I get too caught up in planning and never actually do the thing, but I'm just as likely to dive into something completely unprepared and hope it works out. I am also a very emotional person and fairly open about my feelings, or at least the positive ones.

5 fix can be quick and decisive. But what concerns 5 fix is autonomy, secrecy and detachment. 5 can detach themselves to look at things as it is and 5 fixers are almost always concerned with autonomy as a rejection type. (I have 6w5 second fix, and I'm very secretive and independent. Never ask for help unless it's on my term).

Arguments for 6: I've had people tell me I have 6 somewhere in my tritype before. I'm fiercely loyal to both my loved ones and my beliefs. If someone I used to be friends with but haven't seen in years suddenly needed my help, I would drop everything to help them. I am very afraid of being abandoned. I have a tendency to be brutally honest about both my flaws and beliefs early on in relationships so that people I won't work out with will leave immediately rather than letting me get attached before leaving, which strikes me as a very counterphobic thing to do. I have generalized anxiety disorder. I often feel like a mess of contradictions. I am a revolutionary socialist, which goes along with 6's rebellious tendencies quite nicely.

That is ... a very strong 6-fix argument. Yep!

Arguments against 6: To be honest, I'm having trouble coming up with any, except that something else might fit better. The only reason I don't consider 6 to be my primary Enneagram type is that the description of 1 calls me out even harder.

You could be a 6. But you have to ask yourself. Are you driven by anger or fear. If you are driven by anger first, then you are 1w9.

Arguments for 7: I'm very pleasure-seeking. I like to feel good, and I do all sorts of things to that end. My biggest vice is escapism of any sort, whether that be by reading a good book or getting high. I'm prone to procrastinating on things that are important but not pleasant (though I procrastinate on things I enjoy too, so who knows). When stressed and sick of trying to power through it, I tend to lose myself in fun things so I forget about the stress (though it's always there at the back of my mind). I'm bold, impulsive, undisciplined, and scatterbrained. I don't take most things too seriously and have a good sense of humor.

6w7/7w6 sounds like your second wing. Ask yourself whether your head fix is driven by avoidance or by overthinking.

Arguments against 7: I'm not especially upbeat and have pretty low energy despite (or because of?) my active mind. I'm willing to endure a significant amount of pain for higher ideals--see the fear, anger, and chaos I endure at protests. I'm kind of a klutz, and 7s apparently have a reputation for being good with their bodies. (Do note that I have something called nonverbal learning disorder which fucks with my ability to use spatial reasoning, so that may have something to do with why.) Many of my 7 traits could also be explained by my ADHD.

7s are not good at their body in tandem. It is that many 7s are Se-dom. Se-doms are great at their body. Even if you have disorders, if you have 7-fix, you will still see it.

Now, the heart types.

Arguments for 2: I want very badly to be loved. I do good things mostly because I know they are good things to do, but part of me does hope I'll be loved in return for them too. I try to be helpful, generous, and kind to others. I like to be needed. I consider myself a very caring person.

Sounds like 2-wing to me.

Arguments against 2: I have higher priorities than being loved. I'd rather do the right thing and be hated for it than be loved for doing the wrong thing. I've heard that 2s feel they deserve love, and I often feel I don't deserve love at all.

2s feel they don't deserve love. That's why they are helpful. They reject the need to feel loved in favor of loving others. 2s are rejection type, do you have this feeling of rejection (and arrogance that you know what is best for everyone and you must guide them)?

Arguments for 3: If I'm not working on something, I feel like I'm being lazy. (I almost always feel like I'm being lazy.) I beat myself up for not doing enough. I used to associate my academic success with my self-worth, and still do to some extent. I often feel like I have to earn love by being good at stuff.

That is 3 fix to the T. If you are 2 fix, you will have an air of 'I know the way you must follow and you must do as I suggest' and 'I'm helpful because that's what I am' 2-wing has this haughty rejection feels to them. You don't.

Arguments against 3: I'm not actually very success-driven or hardworking. I spend most of my time procrastinating rather than working hard to be seen as worthy like a 3 might. I care nothing for status or appearances, and if I'm making an effort to appear successful when I'm not, it's because something very important and concrete hinges upon my perceived success. I don't care about the traditional definition of success--I just want to be comfortable and contribute something valuable to the world.

I think it's your last fix + social dominant.

Arguments for 4: I initially thought I was a 4 because I felt so called out by the stereotypical image of 4s as moody, withdrawn, ineffectual creative types--that's me to a T. I often feel like there's something wrong with me, like I'm just a worse person than everyone else, like I don't deserve the same basic respect and dignity as other people. I have a strong sense of identity. I struggle to let go of negative feelings.

That is your 1w9 line to 4w3. Enneagram 1 has line to 4 when stress. Strong sense of identity often relates to non-attachment type.

Arguments against 4: I don't give a flying fuck about being special or unique. I'd rather be a carbon copy of a good person than a unique but less good person. I don't daydream about attracting a rescuer--I daydream about being the rescuer. I don't value pain the way 4s seem to. I don't feel like I'm uniquely better than anyone. I may have a strong sense of identity, but I don't feel like I NEED a strong sense of identity, per se.

Not a 4, yeah.

I hope that's something like what you wanted! I didn't include as much in the way of evidence and internal thoughts as I'd have liked to, but considering how much I wrote, writing even more seemed kind of unreasonable. If you have any questions for me or want more thoughts/evidence, don't hesitate to ask!

Phew! That's quite a lot to take in. But from what I see (I think you provide solid evidence for each fix, nice job!) you might be 1w9 so/sp with 6w7 and 3w2 fix. 6w7 could be 7w6 though I think 7 is subservient to 6 in this case. I think you are 1w9 mostly because you don't have 2-ish intrusive feels to you. (Think of how Hermione thinks it's her job to monitor the boys, that's 2-wing).

#submission #ask answers

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compassionatereminders · 2 years

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Beloved, I hope you're doing splendid! Your visual art journey has been giving me such life, reinvigoration and renewed appreciation towards the craft as an artist myself ~

Sadly, it is with a heavy heart that I come to vent a little tonight, but I'm nonetheless glad I can whisper my bitter nothings into the safe nooks of your your blog's walls.

I was coerced into a field of study my parents found acceptible. I know they acted from a place of trauma and fear×of job insecurity; in their eyes they were trying to protect and guide me, but they wound up hurting me more than I ever anticipated.

When it comes to school my parents are very strict, relentless. I'd tried to fight them and exercise my autonomy on many occasions, only to end up with their grip on me tightened. That, along with developing mental health issues, left me mors isolated and dependant on them for survival.

At the beginning of last year I started the first year of the masters course on my reserves which left me totally unequipped to face a woman who was course coordinator, lecturer and my personal research supervisor. She saw something in me that she disliked and began a nesrly year long campaign of abuse, gaslighting, bullying and lies against me. She held so much power in the department that I had no reliable avenues through with to address the issue lest I incurred more of her wrath, retraumatised myself and possibly got blacklisted in the professional field (which she reminded me regularly she had the power to do). There was a time at which I was preparing to defend myself but the institution went to great lengths to protect her.

The who affair made me feel as though as I was going insane and the one thing stopping me from mercilessly blaming and gaslighting myself about what happened was that my classmates eventually started to take notice and validated all my concerns. They kindly tried to speak up for me but were also strategically silenced.

I got to a point where I was getting sick, having intense chest pains, my hair was falling out and the like. I told my parents I needed to stop. They sent me to a therapist thinking it would make the problem go away but after the therapist advised my parents that I take a break and be institutionalised for my health, they cut things off and held an intervention for me where they called the whole family in to pray over me and try to exorcize the negative influences and spirits that were "disrupting my education". At that point so many different circumstances had built up that I just wanted to die. I felt so cornered that I admitted it to them but it only angered them and I was dismissed as being difficult and selfish.

When there were 3 months left of the 1st year, the abuse reached a fever pitch and I secretly quit. I felt so relieved when I did and even though the woman tried to hound me for a short while after, my health started to improve. My plan was to find a job and get financially independent, so I could be free before telling my parents the truth, in order to lessen the blow and consequences of the expected massive fallout.

I didn't expect the trauma to start taking its full toll on me after a brief period of improvement. A couple of months passed and it felt like everything suddenly gave way. I spiraled into the worst depression I've ever lost myself in. I sought therapy and went consistently trying to put myself together as quickly as I could but I only seemed to fall apart worse than before each time. I could not function. I also had worsening of symptoms of a couple of mental illnesses that I didn't know I had until then.

I understand that healing isn't supposed to be linear or quick but now it's September and I've only just started getting some strength to live somewhat like a person again. I'm not sure what I can do or even have that capacity to do as the situation also affected my physical health irreparably to a degree. There's no direct solution and I'm very very tired of the only consolations being that everything will turn out okay somehow or that I'm strong and I'll get through it.

Last year I saw things not turn out okay. I was strong and durable until I wasn't anymore. None of the people that know I dropped out believed I would when I first started considering it. They all told me they understood it was hard but that I would be able to push through it like always.

At the moment I'm feeling quite unsupported, scared and exhausted. Confused too as I'm still trying to make sense of the past 2 years with a few other life altering events that I haven't processed enough to get into here. I also feel random surges of intense anger that leave me weeping and feeling powerless. I don't quite know what to do with those feelings and though therapy has helped a lot, progress feels slow and difficult. I'm really trying but I fear it's not enough and I find it hard not to blame myself. If only I'd known this or that, or had been more resilient or maybe I did do something to deserve this. I keep picking yself apart like a scab. Second guessing and wondering if this all is even something worth getting this grandly affected by. I'm frustrated by how seemingly irrational feelings like misplaced guilt, lowered self confidence and quiet hopelessness can have such sway and impact, despite how I've come to understand them for what they are in therapy.

Hopefully this isn't too much of a novel but I have been sitting with these feelings and I just wanted to express them somewhere where I wouldn't be told I just need to think more positively or told that I've been so strong before so that will get me to a peaceful resolution somehow. I don't want to pry at and rationalize these feelings as in therapy. I just want to communicate them as I feel them and leave it at that. Thank you for holding space for that.

I'm concluding now with a sigh of catharsis. Keep doing the lovely work that you do ~

I'm so sorry you were forced into this unfortunate situation. Your parents shouldn't have tried to choose your education for you. Your teacher shouldn't have bullied and abused you. And it's no wonder that both of those experiences messed severely with your mental health. That's not you failing - that's a healthy response to a very unhealthy situation.

#chat with kat #bullying tw #abuse tw

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thecottageinthedark · 3 years

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Sorting Persona 4

Here again with another Sorting Hat Chats post! This one’s for Persona 4. Full disclaimer; this is based just on the game, not the anime. Also it’s behind a cut cause it is LONG. And has spoilers.

The system I’m using is explained here by @wisteria-lodge.

The Persona 4 MC, whose name is either Souji Seta or Yu Narukami depending on which supplemental materials you go by, is a really REALLY loud Badger secondary. His power is based on making Social Links with NPCs and shifting to become whatever they need-and also on patiently grinding to level up his attributes. And because he lives so much in this secondary-plus the fact that on a meta level he’s kind of a stand-in for the player-his Primary is hard to see.

But where it gets revealed in the end is the decisive moment when the ending you’re going to get is decided. The Investigation Team have discovered that Namatame’s been putting people into the TV, and thus are assuming he’s the murderer-and it’s become horribly personal, because one of the people he did that to was Nanako, and even though she’s been rescued, she’s deathly ill thanks to the TV World’s poison.

And now you-and the MC-have a choice. The IT are baying for Namatame’s blood, ready to kill. One Badger Primary method would be to appeal to the fact that he’s a person, you can’t just kill people….but nobody’s listening. Another would be to dehumanise him and say, he’s a murderer, he needs to die for the sake of everyone-going along with all the fury of the group. A Lion would lash out too-less because everyone’s doing it and more from their own gut feeling, but that would still lead to dead Namatame. A Snake might kill Namatame because he hurt Nanako...or, in the Golden remake, if they’ve done Adachi’s social link, they might cover for him. Either way, they’d be prioritising an inner circle member.

And all of those get you bad endings. Especially the Snake choice to cover for Adachi.

What gets the good ending, the happy ending where the MC is fulfilled and at peace, is to ignore all the emotion that’s running so high, and order everyone to step back and take time to think about whether the theory of Namatame being the killer makes sense. Pounce on the niggling little detail that doesn’t fit, and realise that the assumption everyone is labouring under isn’t true. And then prioritise the actual truth over personal loyalties or emotional reactions.

Bird Primary.

Because of course. This is a detective story. Your party are called both the Investigation Team and the Seekers of Truth. Even the title song hints at it; find the truth (Bird) by getting together with others (Badger).

Yosuke Hanamura’s a young, immature Snake Primary at game start, with the selfishness typical to that. His Shadow throws that back in his face, and he realises he doesn’t like being an asshole whose secret gut reaction to murders happening is ‘well at least I’m not bored anymore now something is happening in this dead-end town’.

So he does two things pretty much at the same time; he widens his inner circle to let in first Souji and then the rest of the IT, and he adds a model on top to let him care about things outside that circle. I think it’s a Lion model-a young Lion, just like his Snake, that edges into Glory Hound, but keeps hold of the idea that you should do certain things because they’re just right.

(It’s not based on the MC, though the MC is undoubtedly his most important person, who he even calls his partner. But then, as I said, the MC’s Bird is very quiet, so it’d be hard for Yosuke to perceive it well enough to mimic it. I think it’s actually based on Chie, who is after all the inner circle member he has known longest!)

And his secondary? Yosuke’s a support guy. He lifts his friends up. His family run Junes, and he leverages that connection to create a base location for the IT and secure a portal into the TV world that’s big enough to be usable. When Teddie comes to the human world, it’s Yosuke who gives him a place to stay. He’s a Badger secondary, and again, this makes perfect sense. The Lover sorting. No wonder so much of the fandom ships him with the MC.

Chie Satonaka is LOUD and BRASH and if you are a jerk she will KICK YOU IN THE FACE. She is so goddamn Lion Secondary, and utterly unapologetic about it.

Her primary, I think, is Lion again. The reason she has gotten possessive of Yukiko (as her Shadow calls her out on) isn’t that she wants Yukiko to be just hers-it’s that she wants to be Yukiko’s knight. Saving the princess is actually a textbook Lion cause. It lets her feel heroic and brave.

But that’s not good for either of them. Damsel in distress is a shitty role, one that doesn’t allow Yukiko to be strong and capable herself, and Chie pushing Yukiko into that role is really straining their relationship. It’s also something that Chie herself knows is wrong-that’s why her Shadow accuses her of it. (“I am a Shadow, the true self...”)

So instead Chie changes gears, because oh look a new Cause just popped up! Find the killer and bring them to justice! And on top of that, there’s always sexist prats to kick.

Yukiko Amagi models Badger Primary, because it’s expected of her. Running an inn is a really Badger kind of job. She also models Badger Secondary, for the same reasons. She feels this is who she’s meant to be; sweet, gentle, socially adept, community-focused and hard-working. The traditional Japanese ideal of womanhood.

But it chafes. The weight of societal expectations feels crushing. She doesn’t want to do stuff just because she’s meant to, because people think she should. She’s an Internal Primary, and needs to follow the voice of her own heart.

And where that heart leads her...is back to the Amagi Inn, except now she’s decided that she’s doing this for herself. She needed to feel that she could actually choose to not inherit the inn, before she could realise that she wanted to run it. She’s a Snake Primary, and the inn is important to her because it’s hers.

Her secondary...actually I get the feeling she’s like Toph Beifong of Avatar, a Snake who likes to spend most of her time in neutral. She is delightfully quirky and weird, and owns that, but she doesn’t charge like a Lion and she’s comfy with wearing masks when the situation calls for it.

Kanji Tatsumi panics at the idea that he might be gay, and caretakes like a boss, and that might look at first sight like a Double Badger who’s scared that he might be one of the people he’s used to dehumanising. His Shadow screams that it wants to be accepted...but what calms it is when Kanji himself accepts it, and says that this resolution is about being true to himself. Kanji’s a Double Lion who burnt his primary because being given shit for the feminine, queer-coded parts of himself made him lose faith in his internal compass, worrying that it was leading him somewhere that he viewed as bad. Internalised homophobia’s a bitch of a thing.

Accepting his Shadow is the start of Kanji healing his primary-letting go of shame for being an oddball and telling the world to go fuck itself if it thinks it can make him conform. He does model Badger Secondary-as I said, he caretakes like a boss-but that’s more a thing he does as a gift to others. When it comes to solving problems, he charges in swinging, ready to beat up anyone from biker gangs to otherworldly monsters.

Rise Kujikawa is a cheerful, shameless Snake Primary, loving and ambitious. She became an idol to make friends, and enjoys the fame it gets her. And when she needs to take a break for the sake of her mental health, she has no compunctions about doing so.

But she needed that break because the idol life was stressing her out-unsurprisingly, it’s a really intense life. And the particular problem she had was to do with the conflicting expectations the public has of celebrities. Perfection is demanded...but so is authenticity.

Rise realised that she was face-shifting as an integral part of her career, and this knowledge sent her into a tailspin. The fans don’t like the real Rise Kujikawa-they like Risette. But who is the real Rise Kujikawa? She doesn’t know! It’s frightening! What if she’s just made of smoke and mirrors? How does she find out what’s underneath?

And the answer she comes to is that there is no real Rise Kujikawa...which is the same as saying that there is no false one. Rise is Risette is Rise, it’s all just her, adapting to the context as she needs to. She’s a Badger Secondary, and the act of performance is the true self.

And for her, that’s a good answer-it brings her peace. But now we need to talk about Teddie.

Because just hearing Rise say ‘there’s no real me’ sends Teddie into a Shadow crisis right there.

He completely fucking loses it. He’s a denizen of the TV world-he’s been immune to it all this time, never manifesting a Shadow, but this is what breaks him. And that just screams Bird Lion. It’s his Buzz Lightyear moment-or rather his first Buzz Lightyear moment, because there are two. This is the first, and he survives it by retreating into his Secondary. It allows him to bring Shadow Teddie under control...but this isn’t sustainable. He’s realised something terrible and can’t avoid that knowledge indefinitely.

And soon enough he admits it to himself (and to the MC). He is a Shadow, that somehow became self-aware. His Truth was never true. He can’t handle it, he has no idea how to even exist, and he outright tells the MC that he intends to commit suicide.

He recovers, though-and he does so because the MC tells him Nanako survived. That’s the first thing that gives him a glimmer of hope, because his Truth already had some Snakey elements in there about chosen people and ambitions. He comes back from the brink, reshapes his system to centre those Snake principles, and returns to the side of his friends.

Lastly, Naoto Shirogane, our other queer-coded character. (I’m using she pronouns for the sake of canon here-but I’m a firm believer in nonbinary Naoto, for the record.) I think she’s a Bird secondary-the only one of those here, jeez. She’s just so analytical. She’s a rapid-fire Bird too, Detective Prince working on a case, squarely in the middle of her comfort zone. But push her out of it-into a normal teenager social situation, say-and watch her squirm!

She has a Bird Primary performance, too. But performance is the operative word here. She’s trying to look adult and smart and collected, in order to be taken seriously by the police officers she works with. And she is smart, mind you, but that’s not the why of her though it is the how. It’s not Naoto who goes ‘wait, let’s think about this, we need more information’ at the crucial point, but the MC, who really is a Bird Primary. Naoto was the one to suggest doing a little vigilante justice vis-a-vis murdering Namatame.

Her real Primary is Lion. Being a detective is a Cause for her, not a Truth, and she is blazingly certain of her own sense of what’s right-so much so that she doesn’t stop and check it against other people’s. And she inspires people! She doesn’t even mean to, and certainly doesn’t know why, but she is just so cool that people flock to her and admire her. ‘The Detective Prince’ is, when you think about it, a really Lion Bird kind of title!

Her Shadow has two issues with her. First, it harps on the gender angle. Hey, self, there’s that thing about your identity that you’ve been refusing to think about! You need to go poke at it! And then it breaks down into a scared child. Self, your performance is eating you alive. You need to do it, yes, the Cause demands it, but you also need to be able to stop sometimes and let yourself have emotions!

In short:

MC/Souji/Yu: Bird primary, Badger secondary

Yosuke: Snake primary, Badger secondary, models Lion primary

Chie: Lion primary, Lion secondary

Yukiko: Snake primary, Snake secondary, with Badger primary and secondary models that start out pretty unhealthy for her.

Kanji: Lion primary that starts out burnt and begins to unburn after his Shadow fight, Lion secondary. Models Badger secondary.

Rise: Snake primary, Badger secondary

Teddie: Bird primary, Lion secondary. Falls dramatically and recovers by shaping his system to be more Snakelike.

Naoto: Lion primary, Bird secondary, performs Bird primary

#persona 4 #sorting hat chats #harry potter

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glitxhwayventeen · 3 years

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Lonely Hearts Club

Seokmin: Chapter 3 (I Wanna Know)

Characters: Seokmin x female reader

Genre/Warnings: multi-member au (different scenarios), werewolf au, fantasy, angst, fluff, genocide mentions, runaways, mental illness (depression implied), sexual mentions, crying, mentions of death, mentions of violence. Any others will be put as warnings when future chapters are thought up/written.

Author’s Note: Your girl is in some serious fucking pain but she managed to get another chapter out because she couldn’t sleep! So low and behold, I give you a decent chapter for DK

Please remember that all of these chapters and the content within them are a work of fiction! They’re just for fun/entertainment!

Bold= Dialogue Italics= Thoughts

🥀 & ☁️

Lonely Hearts Club Master List

Chapter 3: I Wanna Know

You were in heat for a few more days. Seokmin stayed with you the whole time and took care of… your every need. Though he looked worn out, he didn’t complain once. He liked that you let him help you. And he was hoping now that your heat was over, you’d let him in a bit more.

Your legs felt like jello, your hair looked like a birds nest, your skin was covered in variously healed bruises. You were a mess. But it was still time to go back to the pack. You made a promise and you always followed through with your promises, even if you were in a horny induced daze when you made it. You were just hoping they wouldn’t know, or at least, wouldn’t make a big deal out of what had happened.

Seokmin helped get you back to your feet and get dressed, putting your arms through your tank top and putting you in your shorts one leg at a time. He had already managed to get himself together as he had woken up earlier than you had. He figured you’d be in worse shape than him after everything… everything you’d been through and he wanted to be sure you were as okay as possible before you started your journey back home.

“There we go, all done!” He chirped after finally buttoning the last button on your jean shorts.

He took a step back to look at you. Aside from the bruises, you physically looked pretty normal now that he had helped you tame your ridiculously tangled hair. But he knew the pack was gonna smell you. You smelled like him from the week of animalistic sex sessions you two had been having due to your heat. It was unavoidable. He knew they’d all know you two slept together the second you walked through the door. He just wasn’t sure how you’d react to their inevitable and unavoidable teasing.

You quickly looked down after you had seen your reflection in one of your buckets of water, “I look like a walking disaster.” You muttered.

“It’s not THAT bad…,” He failed miserably at reassuring you, “But it doesn’t matter anyways, we’re mates. It doesn’t matter if we slept together or not. We would have eventually anyways” Seokmin tried to reason, bringing himself to walk up to you and hold your small hands in his large ones hesitantly.

“They’re all gonna make fun of me.” You pouted at him, looking down at your feet and smiling a bit in embarrassment.

You had never really taken the time to look at him before your whole mating fiasco happened. You had done literally everything in your power to avoid him at all costs so you wouldn’t catch feelings for him. But now that you had spent a good portion of time alone with him, you realized just how much bigger than you Seokmin was. He always seemed so… subservient around the pack that you never really gave his physical appearance much thought when it came to size. He must’ve been almost a foot taller than you, and now that you had seen him shirtless and naked, you also knew just how much muscle he actually had. He was MUCH larger than you had thought. Even his feet looked like they could crush yours with one fast stomp.

He held back a giggle at your cuteness before he spoke up, “They won’t make fun of yoooou. Especially because you could EASILY beat most of them to a bloody pulp with your special wolfie powers and all.”

“Aya! They’re not special ‘wolfie powers.’ They’re just my normal powers. And it’s not my fault you guys are more diluted forms than me.” You chuckled, playfully smacking his toned chest with your hand.

He cocked his head to the side at your statement, “Is that how it works? The longer the line the less of a wolf you are?” He asked curiously while bringing the back of your hand up to his lips and giving it a chaste kiss.

You almost laughed out loud at his question before you remembered that he didn’t grow up with other werewolves. He was a bitten wolf, not genetically a wolf. You remembered that Seungcheol had told you that no one in his family had ever been a wolf before him. He probably had no clue how it all worked, especially since his pack wasn’t always the best help when it came to educating each other on important matters. You felt a little guilty for thinking he was just being sort of dumb. It wasn’t his fault he didn’t know anything about it. So you held back your little outburst and nodded instead.

“Yeah basically. I mean, most genetic lines now can still obviously transform, but they’re still not…” You tapped your chin with your index finger for a moment while thinking of the correct words to explain what you meant, “As much of a wolf as me.” You decided.

Your mate was watching you intensely, listening to every word you said closely, as if he was learning the most important information he’d ever need to know,“I’m honestly probably more wolf than I am human. But most modern day wolves are more human than wolf, that’s why it’s relatively easy for them to assimilate into human societies and blend in.” You informed him, the both of you gathering the rest of your things and making your way out the cave to the path leading back to the forest.

“But hiding our eyes isn’t always easy!” He interjected with enthusiasm you found oddly cute, “If we get too emotional, the potions disintegrate and our real eye color shows. So it’s not really SUPER simple with us.” Seokmin responded, grabbing your hand closest to him and interlocking your fingers.

For a moment, you wanted to pull away from him and push him for initiating the sudden contact. But you also promised him that you’d give him a chance and that you’d try to be the best mate to him that you could be. Plus, the warmth of his hand felt… kind of nice on yours. So you kept your hands together, giving his fingers an involuntary squeeze that made Seokmin’s face light up.

“I suppose you’re right. But really, as long as a wolf can keep their shit together, they can seem very human. When my people were still around, we were very obviously NOT human. We couldn’t be even if we had tried.” You casually let out, skipping over a large rock in your way.

“What were your people like?” He questioned, genuinely wanting to know what your life was like before you lost everything. His pack had tried to ask you before, but you’d always clam up and make up some excuse to leave the conversations. He was hoping with it just being the two of you, you might actually be okay with sharing some more personal information with him.

You waited a moment before you spoke up. What WERE your people like? It had been so long that you hardly even remembered anythings about them. You usually tried to push away all the thoughts of them because remembering all you lost hurt too much. But when he asked you the question, it was like everything came rushing back to you all at once.

Your family, your tribe, your traditions. You remembered how the tribal elders used to let you sit in on council meetings because your father insisted you needed to know everything there was to know about running the tribe. It made you feel so important when he did that, like you were his pride and joy. You thought about all the times you had sat next to your mom as she cooked up potions and remedies in her old stone cauldron for the healer to use on the sick and injured. She always cared so much about everything and everyone around her, you always loved to help her help people. And you could all but see your 11 big goofball brothers running up to you holding their latest hunting prizes with the most giant toothy grins they could muster. Those dumbasses, they always made the most of life. You missed them so fucking much.

Everything started swirling around your head and it made a huge smile appear on your face with watery eyes at the thought of your early life. Seokmin took notice and felt a bit proud of himself that he had made you that happy, you had never beamed a smile that big before in front of him or his pack.

“My people… they were… they were just-” You paused, “They were just the most amazing family a person could ever ask for.” You started, wiping away a sudden tear that had fallen down the side of your face from the memory of them, hopefully before your mate could notice. Of course, he still saw, but he said nothing because he knew it would upset you.

“They were always just sooooo happy. I remember every night was basically like a huge party. We’d all dance and sing around the campfire, there’d be elders telling stories and offering the young words of wisdom while the parents would scold us for interrupting anytime anything got cool or surprising.” You sadly laughed, “We were all just… one big happy family. Even if I wasn’t actually related to all of them. I can’t really explain the connection I felt to them… it was just as strong as the one I had to my biological family.” You sighed, finally reaching the edge of the forest and finding the proper trail for the both of you to set towards home.

He could hear the pain in your voice as you spoke of your past life. You must’ve really missed them. But there were so many questions he still had. What about your actual family? Did you have brothers or sisters? What kind of life did you have? How did you sleep or eat? Where did you come from? But he knew he shouldn’t ask so many at once, he didn’t want to overwhelm you or hound you with his thoughts all at once. So instead, he asked just one question he knew he should probably know the answer to: “What- What happened to them?”

His words made you halt your movements for a second. Remembering that day wasn’t something you liked to do. In fact, you went to great lengths to avoid the memory. It haunted everything you did. Every minute of everyday was plagued with the thought of their demise. You had nightmares every night. You saw their hallowed faces in every person you met. You smelt ash and burnt flesh more than you smelt anything else. Their screams were still stuck to your mind like gum on the bottom of a shoe. It tore you apart to think of it. But still, you knew he deserved to know. You’d want to know if you were him.

“They were… they were massacred.” You sadly shrugged, biting your lip to keep yourself from letting sobs out. He stroked your hand in his in an effort to soothe your sad soul. You took comfort in his small affectionate touch, it grounded you and pulled your tortured mind back down to the conversation you were having.

You took in a deep breath, “It was just any other day, at least, to me it was,” you gulped before you continued, “I was helping my mom with some new herbal remedies for some of our sick warriors when suddenly we heard this loud BANG. My mom wasn’t a wolf, in fact, back then no female was. Well, no female but me that is, but that’s beside the point,” you shook your head and tried to get yourself back on the topic at hand.

“I could feel the vibration under my feet. It was a cannon, but we didn’t know that then. They weren’t really used in our part of the world, they’d freeze in the cold weather and couldn’t always light at the altitude that my village was set on. But somehow, the Cossacks found a way to make them work… they always found a way…” you stated flatly, looking up to the sky out of respect for your fallen family.

“They were upset that my pack had killed some of their soldiers that had hurt a group of women in a neighboring tribe. So they punished us the only way they knew how: by brutally murdering everyone and setting everything they could on fire. Fire’s one of the few ways Icyan wolves can actually be killed. They killed almost everybody. As far as I know, Cyrus and me were the only ones who got out.” You swallowed back the lump stuck in your throat as you and Seokmin continued onward to your destination.

Now this question really worried him, he wasn’t sure if he even wanted answers to it. But he, again, wanted to know more about you and how you got to him. He’d figure it out eventually, might as well try to get it out of you today while he had you going already.

“Can you- can you tell me a bit about him…?” He almost whispered, afraid to say it any louder as he didn’t want to upset you.

“W-What?” You asked for clarification.

“I- I Wanna Know more about… him… Can you tell me about him?” Seokmin stuttered out. He was still unsure if he should’ve said it to begin with, but he couldn’t help it. He had to know more about the man who had you crying constantly over him.

You turned your head to look at him, “About who? Cyrus?” A bit of fear crossed your face as you attempted to confirm what he asked.

“Y-Yeah. He was your mate. And Jun kind of explained what you told him had happened to him the other day, but I don’t know much about him. Like how you two got out. Or why he died…” He looked you in the eyes and say that tears and immense sadness had began to pool in them, “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to! I just figured… that it would be better to get it out in the open now…” Seokmin bit his lip as he waited for your reaction/response.

“Cyrus was… Cyrus. He is- was… my best friend.” You sighed defeatedly out loud before you continued, “He always took care of me. He imprinted on me right after I was born, so he was always there for me.” You started, still trying to find the right words to emphasize what he meant to you. But it was hard, you weren’t very touchy feely like Seokmin was. Feelings were all new to you, so you weren’t sure how to share them aloud.

You didn’t want to upset Seokmin by speaking too fondly about your past mate, but you also couldn’t help the pang in your heart you felt Everytime you heard Cyrus’s name. Part of you wanted to never speak of him again, another part of you wanted to never shut up about him. Your mind was full of conflict but your heart was full of sorrow. How could you possibly ever forget Cyrus enough to have a new mate? How could you ever emphasize how important he was to you when Seokmin, your current lover, was holding your hand? How were you supposed to pick and choose such things when your heart was pleading for a break?

“Wait- he imprinted on you right when you were born? I didn’t know that was possible…” he lost steam towards the end of his sentence and started to mumble while rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand.

“Oh no! It wasn’t like that!” You stopped him before he could get any further, “See, Icyan wolves start to shift really soon after birth, like only a month or two after. So it basically means that we’re able to phase our entire life. Cyrus was only five years older than me. He acted like an older brother to me until I hit 16 ish. But that’s when it all went wrong…” You held back a whimper that was threatening to spill past your lips.

“But the day everyone was killed, my dad and the other wolves came to defend out den. I was hiding in the hut while my mom was trying to do a protection spell. But they had killed most of our warriors already when they tried to save their families. We’re very protective of the ones we love” you sniffled slightly, still trying to hold your emotions back but obviously failing miserably.

“Cyrus came to find me after his family was killed. It was his instinct to protect me first, even though he loved his parents, they had each other still. And I was his mate, that’s how we work, mates and children before anyone else. He came into our home and tried to comfort me. We all thought we were gonna die. They had already killed my brothers by the river bank, it broke my parents. They saw red. But they knew I was still alive. So, before the Russians stormed our hut, my dad told Cyrus to take me and run as far as possible for as long as possible, so he did. After that, we were alone, but we had each other. It was like that for a few years. But then… I turned 16 and everything went to hell.” Your lip trembled and quivered with guilt.

Your current mate whined at your sadness, he wanted to help you, but he knew there was nothing he could say or do to make you feel better. So he just kept rubbing the back of your petite hand and giving you his full undivided attention. You had heard his whine, but you knew it was just because you were upset, so you gave him a small depressed smile before you kept speaking.

“Well you know that he- well that he’s obviously dead. Otherwise we couldn’t have imprinted on each other. But I’m sure you want to know… why he died” you mustered up all the courage you could before finally explaining it all to him, “He saved me. I fucked up. I was spotted by some towns people and he took the fall so they wouldn’t take me instead. Our wolf forms were similar. All Icyan wolves are white, we can just have different patterns to us. The villager that spotted me didn’t see the black spot on my head, he just saw a huge white wolf. They followed me back to our den and they were met with him. He refused to let me go. He was a telepath and he was an alpha. He ordered me to hide and he told me he loved me before he gave himself up to the angry mob.” You stopped walking and let the tears brimming your eyes freely fall.

Seokmin stood in front of you playing with your hair sweetly, trying to give you something to ground yourself and distract you from your heartache. It killed him to see you that way.

“I couldn’t- I couldn’t refuse his order. He was- he was my alpha. So I had to stay and watch them take him back to their town. I left after that to try and find him, he never told me that I couldn’t. But by the time I got there- they- they-” you sobbed out while bringing your shakey hands to your face, “They had already started torturing him. There had been reports of two huge wolves in the area and they thought he would lead them to me if they hurt him enough. But he never did.” Seokmin pulled you into his chest as you cried, barely able to breathe as you convulsed into loud whimpers and wails.

“I- I felt everything. Every cut they made, every punch, every hit. Because I’m of my shaman bloodline, I felt everything he felt, I- I’m an empath. He figured out I was in the crowd and just kept telling me that he loved me telepathically. That it wasn’t my fault. But- But how could it not be- be my fault?” You stuttered as you gripped onto Seokmin’s shirt for dear life, “I got him killed!” You all but screamed, crying into your mate’s chest so hard he was worried you’d pass out.

Seokmin just let you cry. He couldn’t imagine the guilt and pain you must have been feeling. He just held you and shushed you and told you that everything would be okay. But how could you be okay? You lost everyone in the most awful ways possible. No wonder you didn’t want him around before. If he were you, he wouldn’t either. He wouldn’t have wanted to risk losing MORE people.

He knew you thought it was your fault, but it wasn’t. If the roles were reversed, he knew you would’ve done the same thing as Cyrus. Just like he always knew that if push came to shove, he’d do the same exact thing your past mate had done to save you. You were his whole world, he’d never let anything or anybody hurt you if he could help it. He’d defend you with his very last breath if it meant you got even a second longer to live.

After a while, your breathing evened out and your sobs became just tears. Seokmin pulled you back up from his torso to look you in the glistening eyes. He quickly wiped away any water that had streamed down your face in the process. He really wanted to just kiss all your tears away, but now wasn’t the time for that.

“I’m so sorry (Y/N). I wish I could take away your pain. But I can’t. The best I can do is promise you that I’ll always be here for you.” He assured you, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ears.

“Even if I start crying over my dead mate?” You tried to sound sarcastic, but you honestly felt too weak to. It probably came out as more of a whine to him.

“Even if you start crying over him. Or if you miss him. Or even if you just want to talk about him. Or any of them. It’s okay. I understand and I’m here for you, no matter what.” He pecked your nose softly and gave you the most loving eyes you had ever seen.

You couldn’t help but pull him into a sweet, thankful kiss, attempting to show him how grateful you were for him with your actions rather than your words that always seemed to fail you. Once you pulled back, you realized just how tired you were. Seokmin seemed to pick up on it to because, suddenly, you were in his arms being carried through the woods bridal style. You gave him a look of uncertainty, he just nodded at you and gave you a loving smile, signaling that he would be okay to walk back the rest of the way to the house with you in his arms.

You wanted to protest it all for his sake, but your eyelids felt too heavy. So instead, you just snuggled your now swollen face into his chest and let the darkness take over, feeling safe in his arms and knowing he would never let anything bad happen to you. For the first time in a long time, you felt like maybe everything would be okay.

(Updated 9/17)

#seventeen #seventeen angst #seventeen au #seventeen fanfic #seventeen fluff #seventeen smut #svt au #seventeen x reader #svt seokmin #seokmin imagines #seokmin x reader #seokmin angst #seventeen seokmin #dokyeom #svt dk

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dog-day-morning · 3 years

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YOU OWE THEM NOTHING

People can be self-righteous when it comes to what they think God is supposed to do if, and when they call on Him. God is not a genie in a bottle that you rub, and a jinn pops out granting you 3 or 300 wishes. The saying faith without works is dead can be applied here. Have you ever heard of or read the book Daniel Webster and the devil? This tall tale or folklore legend was about a man who made a deal with old Slew Foot, and when it was time to pay up he had 2nd thoughts. Satan never plays fair. He's forever putting us in positions where we find ourselves desperate for a quick solution to a temporary problem that only leads to a difficult end. The Latin term for buyer beware is caveat emptor, and Satan knows how to spell. The power of a wicken comes from their basic weapon of spelling or casting spells by word of mouth. Even the Bible tells us that “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” Tell that to a Nicolaitan. Those who make deals with the most unclean should expect to suffer in the end. Never trust the father of lies who deals in treachery, and deceit. I look back at my mother's life and wonder if God had ever intervened for her, and fought her battles that surely He and only He would be able to deliver her from, and He has. Life is hard, for many it’s a nightmare that’s ongoing. Satan comes to you when you're at your weakest or most vulnerable in the hopes of snaring your soul into eternal suffering. Jesus comes to deliver us from death, sin, and temptations that confuse us in our trek towards His truth. If you have any aspirations of entertaining people with your gifted voice or your talent for playing lead guitar, don’t sign a contract that promises you the world only to find out you owe them your sweet ass which a man of honor wouldn't consider let alone make you cosign your body for their horn dog appeasement.

Revelation 2:9

9 I know thy works, and tribulation, and poverty, (but thou art rich) and I know the blasphemy of them which say they are Jews, and are not, but are the synagogue of Satan.

You're abundantly rich in spirit Yacob. Now’s the time to claim your position. These bastards have taken everything from you leaving your ancestors nothing but dust. If they could remove us off the face of the Earth they would. They're plotting to do so as you and I breathe, that's why the Father never sleeps. They are demon spawns who say they worship, and believe in God, but whose god, and what righteous god tells you to destroy a people with his blessing knowing what the children of Japheth have done to them historically? The spawns of Satan want your penuche, mouth, titties, and a-hole for their pleasure along with your talent that Justin Timberlake does not have. The new faces of R&B do not look like the people I grew up listening to or the race of people whose songs left an everlasting impression on my bleeding heart that helped me through my ill-fated, miserable existence. Robin Thicke, Christina Aguilera, K-Pop, the BackStreet Boys, and New Kids on the Block. Some of these groups are defunct, but they’re cranking out as many as they possibly can like Justin Bieber, and Demi Lovato. I just saw on YouTube where people were considering if Elvis Presley was Black, WTF?!! He was the biggest culture thief that Dr. Frankenstein, AKA Colonel Parker ever created. Man is cruel; Satan is a whole other type of bastard you shouldn’t entertain. I'm retarded. Some call me an idiot savant. YO MOMMA!!! People are blessed by the Father who has blessed many of us with gifts. There are many of you whom God has endowed with multiple talents that people would sell their soul in order to possess just one. If you're anointed by God to sing like Aretha Franklin may He lead you to sign with a label like Brother Carl Crawford's who won't make the same mistake he did with a very popular artist at this moment. More than likely you'll sign a contract entrusting your talent, blessing, and soul to the most unclean ones. Ain’t a reason in hell you should bow down or bend over for a leach like Mr. Friedman so he can butt bone your a-hole while enriching himself off your God given talents. God blesses those who seek him out, and those that don’t. I don’t know if Eddie Murphy went to Church, and sowed an offering every Sunday to God praying that the Father would make him the highest paid comedic actor in his prime. Richard Pryor was anointed in the womb to be the most blessed comedic talent, and influential comedian to ever walk this Earth bar none yet he and Mr. Murphy pursued their dreams in different ways with both of them becoming world renown. I'm inclined to ask, was it worth it?

Mark 8:36

For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?

The synagogue of Satan isn’t a trending pop culture manifestation that’s to be esteemed, cherished, or envied. These cults are trying to maintain a stranglehold on a world that’s not meant for them or their sort. People who play with Ouija boards or childhood games like Bloody Mary, and light as a feather are ushering dark spirits into their homes leaving their loved ones exposed to something sinister. Get the hell away from me and mine unless you're my sister, AKA Ms. Skunk Funk, who needs to get the crust burnt off her musty, dusty drawers. The whore of Don Juan has a death wish. Explain to me how running with the devil beats walking with God?

Isaiah 59:7

7 Their feet run to evil, and they make haste to shed innocent blood: their thoughts are thoughts of iniquity; wasting and destruction are in their paths.

This Nation was built on our ancestor’s blood, sweat, and relentless faith. Believe me when I say there's strength in every tear. I pray to God that I don’t shed anymore of them. Their wealth is not. It's a stolen Promise that the Father shall reward His children with. Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it. The most glaring, and frustrating example that is also bitter and disheartening I can give you is our Promised Inheritance called Yisrael that the gentiles are squatting on. When a person or in this case a tribe or race of people believe in their own lies they've become reprobate; they're lost.

Revelation 3:9

9 Behold, I will make them of the synagogue of Satan, which say they are Jews, and are not, but do lie; behold, I will make them to come and worship before thy feet, and to know that I have loved thee.

This is what all of Esau's children fear. It's why the bland, colored people of the world are flipping over the Earth's axis, and killing us without any probable cause. They are a lawless people who've displayed their lack of empathy, and humanity for anyone save their own breed, they behave like blood hounds. I've become content with this planet being void of water (Holy Spirit.) Black people suffer from a social disorder called the crab bucket mentality. We hate to see anyone rise up, and we’ll do whatever it takes to keep them down or discourage them. That person may possess something that can benefit the collective, who cares. He who possesses that blessing needs to haul tail ASAP before the winter comes knowing the Father will bless him, and a downtrodden people beyond their wildest dreams. This is why Yeshua, and His Father call us children. It's why I pray, and bemoan to the Father daily that He slays me, putting the fear of the Lord in the heathen and His Son Christ Jesus uses us for His purpose. God doesn't need us, we need Him. He's given us so much power, and authority. When you acquire it, use it for something other than satisfying your sinful, carnal, flesh minded desires. Men, don't behave like horn dogs, and women do not behave as Aholah, and Aholibah, 2 whores.

Numbers 32:24

24 Build you cities for your little ones, and folds for your sheep; and do that which hath proceeded out of your mouth.

Out of thine own mouth you have power to tread over snakes and scorpions. You can exorcise demons and devils out of your present life braking generational curses which is what I' want for a family that's disowned me. To God be the glory. God is telling us to declare a thing, and claim it. What a mighty, just God we serve. Your tongue will become a weapon to use against the lawless ones who use theirs recklessly in their attempts to get us arrested or murdered by local, and federal authorities. You can call it giving them a taste of their own medicine, it isn't. You're reclaiming what they've taken, stolen, including those of us they've murdered.

Isaiah 54:17

17 No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord.

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. Speak positive prayers out loud if you can. If you live with your family or have a roommate pray in the closet. You'll have favor with God that many people won't. They rebuked the Lord, and their anger did tear perpetually, and they kept their wrath forever. When they use their privilege, which is what we call it more often than they, comprehending they’re fully aware knowing they use it with a Demonic, driven hatred. They persecute Black men, women, and children for reasons that are not godly, and the Father does not condone. They, and all the Earth will have to answer for our individual sins against the Father in the end.

Luke 10:19

19 Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you.

We don’t worship the same god as they do. They're praying to a god to erase us off the face of the Earth. Why hasn't he?.

Exodus 1:12

12 But the more they afflicted them, the more they multiplied and grew. And they were grieved because of the children of Israel.

Their birth rate is dropping steadily. For the first time in the history of the census they decreased in population globally while indigenous, and other races of people stayed steady or in our case increased. This is the reasoning behind these draconian abortion laws. They're trying to preserve themselves while God is eliminating the Earth of their bloody dominion. God is sending the wicked a message before the storm comes, but no one's listening. Their violence towards us is documented, and more often it's unprovoked. They continue with the guilty until proven worthy of their mercy dogmatic mantra which is racist BS. The Earth will be lulled back to sleep. When they're confident that their world isn't in danger of being challenged by anyone, especially us. That's when God will do things that will scare them right back to the caucasus mountains bringing destruction to those who've touched, bruised, and abused the Apple of His eye. Speak life into your angel spirit, don’t entertain the demon seed that's trying to kill you, and the rest of Earth's indigenous people. You have much authority, use it. Elohim. 9/23/2021

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alfafilly · 4 years

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New Year New Me

I want to make a small New Years Resolution this year aimed specifically towards my role in the Sly Cooper fandom. It’s gonna be kinda long and venty so warning!!

As a bit of backstory, I haven’t been in a fandom/actively drawing fanart since like... 2012 maybe? Like in terms of drawing fanart for the same series routinely. I went through a really stupid phase where I thought fanart was a waste of time because I had been hounded over and over again by peers and those I looked up to that only ORIGINAL © DO NOT STEAL content mattered. I looked down on fanart and used every excuse to belittle fanartists. I dunno if this was also in part due to the last fandom I was in being extremely toxic (that being the Invader Zim fandom. Booooois them 2006-2008 deviantART IZ days were something else) and my college experience constantly telling me “fanart in your portfolio is stinky bad no do that” (which is hotly debated btw).

Anyway... jumping into the Sly Cooper fandom has been extremely positive for me and helping me shed a lot of that negative attitude. Dare I say there was character development?! And while, for the most part, Sly fandom isn’t that toxic, there are elements of it that have caused much chaotic negativity within me that I am hoping to get rid of.

Maybe it’s a result of my former opinions about fanart, but I have always felt a sense of inadequacy, or as if I NEED to make my place in the fandom for me to be relevant and to matter. I have vented about this in the past. My first fanart piece was a compilation of my interpretations of the cast, and it was well received, and everyone talked about how they wanted me to draw more characters, to see more designs, etc. Which is why I said I wanted to redesign ALL the cast because the people DEMANDED IT!! This could be my way of placing myself in the fandom!!! HELL YEAH!!!

But it didn’t make me... happy, I guess? I DO enjoy redesigning, but when I do it under my own terms, with no pressure. I think coming out of art school made me put on blinders and tell myself what I used to believe in: “If you’re going to waste your time on fanart, better make it good. You know, people can hire you if you show good fanart! These redesigns could get you a job in the industry! You gotta ONLY do work that will benefit your end goal and nothing else!!”

This often made me feel extreme guilt when I started drawing more of my Arpeggio content, or my Arpeggio AUs because despite how much fun I was having, that little voice in the back of my head was saying “No!! Stop drawing that!! Draw stuff that everyone will care about besides just you!!! You’re not going to get anywhere with this!! Drawing sexy Arpeggio won’t get you a job in the industry KJSNJKGNSKNGKJNAJ!!!!”

This mentality also crafted some uhh... extremely negative competitive attitudes towards other artists in the fandom. Certain artists would piss me off every time they posted to the point I would have to block them to stop seeing their work just to prevent these feelings. There is a notable artist I won’t name, but they do Sly redesigns too. I was fine with them initially, but after they blatantly stole one of my designs without crediting me I was LIVID. I called them out and they did apologize and changed the design, but every time I saw their work from then on out I had this insane urge to “beat them”. It was a sick competitive game. I felt jaded they ripped my design and kept getting popular anyway. TBH it’s rather petty and I am trying not to harbor any ill will towards them because I don’t think they meant anything by it and the design was rather insignificant in the whole scheme of things. But I still have them blocked or muted everywhere because I am still struggling to ignore that great urge every time I see their designs to drop everything I’m doing and draw my own redesigns out of unhealthy spite.

And I’m only briefly going to go over the god damn Deceit of Thieves drama. Apparently they are still making it into a legit game? They have a Patreon apparently and are posting stuff about it? I found out about that and the same sort of fiery rage filled me. But this was much less personal. Sure, I had given a critique to them but I honestly wanted the game/story/whatever to flourish? After seeing their poor reactions and being attacked by their white knights, my taste towards them grew bitter and I think my fellow Sly fans having the same bitterness fueled me to flat out grow a hatred for them. That’s kind of awful? I never expected to want another member of the fandom to have their project fail. What kind of asshole am I for wanting that?? I don’t want that. I want them to learn from their mistakes and make something great. Not hold some ridiculous resentment. I can decide not to support them if I wanted, but wishing failure is a whole other horrible thing.

So realizing this I knew I needed to... change my perspective on how I see myself in the fandom and how I process my feelings towards it. I don’t want to be here to produce soulless portfolio worthy content. I don’t want to compete with other artists or wish them ill. I just want to draw some god damn fanart of a series I love and that makes me happy!

I’m posting this here as a way to hold accountability to myself and be honest. I started drawing Sly stuff again in 2017 so it’s been an issue appearing on and off the last 4 years and that’s... sad. It needs to end! I appreciate everyone in the fandom who has supported me in my endeavors, as ridiculous as they are. I can’t believe drawing and writing about a dumb bird man and cat lady and throwing my stupid OCs into the fray for my favorite childhood game has made me learn so much about myself, my work, and gained me so many great peers and friends. I definitely don’t want to stop any time soon! And I apologize profusely if I ever hurt anyone in some way because I lost sight of that (or was just a dick for whatever reason).

Thanks for your support, and I hope 2021 will bring me loads more positivity into my content!!

#sly cooper #vent #rant #text post

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fallout-drabbles-n-stuff · 4 years

Note

Hi again! Sorry for not using ask box at first, I'm on mobile lol. Anyways I was hoping you can do the compainions with a male reader who has PTSD and fluff happens? Its no biggue if you can't! Thanks!

Cait:

(I strongly headcanon she has ptsd as well)

“Hey, ya aren’t looking too good......oh shite.”

All because the house you were searching scrap for had a particularly familiar blue crib within it. She knew from the second your eyes went hazy that something was gravely wrong. However it was when you approached the crib and you became numb to her touches and words she was queued to take action.

With a light sigh she finally forced your unseeing gaze away from the crib, dismayed at the far off look your eyes held.

“Sole, look at me, you’re stronger than this.” She whispered in an uncharacteristically soft voice. “Come on, let’s just get out of here and go get a pint. Sound good?”

Curie:

“Shh, everything is alright mon amour.”

To say she was confused at first would be a vast understatement. It was for once a normal day, no scavenging, no violence, not even a disenchanted settler going off. Everything was calm and yet you could do nothing to stop the horror of a long gone scene rearing its ugly face, sending terror coursing through your veins. To add to your dismay, you couldn’t stop yourself from striking the petite scientist when she got too close. The illusion was abruptly torn away to reveal her bloody nose and hurt look in her eyes.

After this you tried your best to try to explain yourself through feverish tears, only to be stopped by her with her understanding gaze as she gently sat you down and made haste to administer a mild tranquilizer to ease your troubled mind.

Danse: (he canonically has ptsd)

“Soldier? Sole look at me, I know what you’re going through. I’ve got you.”

Danse definitely isn’t the best at emotional thing, let alone comforting someone. However when he was laying beside your trembling form in your shared bed he knew he had to do something. He took it upon himself to roll you to face him, sighing as you adverted your red tearful eyes from meeting his gaze.

“I-..Danse, it was like I was there all over again.” You sniffled, gasping as he hummed whilst bringing you close into his chest.

“Y-you’re not anymore, no..you’re safe now. I..I wouldn’t let you be in that situation ever again.”

Although he knew well that words would never stop the traumatic nightmares much less absolve either of you from the burden, at least it calmed you.

Deacon:

“Woah, sole it’s just me!”

Naturally Deacon reverted using humor when he saw the first signs of your distress. He was quick to realize the severity of the situation whenever you whipped your head back to look at him with terrified eyes and your hand quickly reaching for your gun.

Luckily you were able to snap yourself out of it before anything terrible became of the situation, but from there on Deacon knew to avoid certain places and worked especially hard on spending a few off days with you to give the rest your mind desperately needed.

Gage:

“God damnit sole, get your head back about ya.”

He’d beat himself to hell and back over it once he realized what was really going on. But..when sole first displayed symptoms of an episode he teased them about it at first, the playfulness fading into annoyance when they refused to leave their home and get their “overboss duties” taken care of for the day.

It was when sole got angry enough to buck up to the raider that he understood exactly what was going on. Well, it was more or less the trembling and tense jaw that gave it away.

“I...I’m sorry.”

Hancock:

“Don’t fret, I’ve gotcha sunshine.”

To be perfectly honest Hancock has seen all kinds of shit being mayor of Goodneighbor so seeing sole absolutely lose their shit at the sound of glass shattering wasn’t a particularly strange ordeal. He didn’t even think to directly link it to an underlying mental illness, no, that wasn’t at the forefront of his mind at the time. The first thing he did was tend to the symptoms of the blatant panic attack, popping a fresh inhaler of jet into his sunshine‘s mouth to calm them down.

Of course after they were calmed he gingerly approached the subject and once they revealed what caused the abrupt panic he gave a solemn smile and nodded in acknowledgement, pulling you into his arms for a loving hug.

Macready:

“Take as much time as you need boss, the caps will still be out there for our taking later.”

He was pretty accustomed to people with ptsd, but seeing his dearest inflicted with him made his heart pang. Either way he understood that even if it wasn’t a flashback or something big, your sudden lack of motivation was also because of the illness. So despite his nature he just laid in bed beside you, occasionally getting up to get food and so, trying to take your mind off of whatever was preoccupying it.

Maxson:

(Totally has ptsd as well)

“It doesn’t make it any better, I know, but I’m here for you.”

He’s grown to suspect every soldier in the brotherhood would eventually develop some form of a stress disorder but that still didn’t prepare him to see his precious sentinel in such disarray and fearful when he approached them overlooking the railing of the airship.

“Sole...” he started with a sigh, his fingers nervously twitching when you didn’t acknowledge his words. “Let’s go back inside.” Was all he could say, eventually just resorting to wrapping an arm around your waist and leading you to captain Cade’s office. That night he did his level best to provide you as much comfort as possible, fixing you both a glass of whiskey and snuggling into your side.

Nick Valentine:

“Doll, if this is too close to home it’s alright.”

He should’ve known better than to bring you along a case, a case where a parent was trying to find their missing child. He just knew it wouldn’t be okay. His suspicions were confirmed as you started to feel in horror walking down a familiar path, unwanted thoughts progressively turning into complete flashbacks as Boston’s chilly air seemed to overtake you. Reminding you all over again of the cold tomb you awoke out of. Before you knew what was happening you were sitting on the cold cement curb of some ruined highway with nick close beside you, sharing a cigarette while gazing at the sky. That was the first and only case nick didn’t get to resolve with you since your partnership.

Old Longfellow:

“Alright cap’n, calm down.”

He would of course been around long enough to see a whole rainbow of ptsd related symptoms. Seeing sole’s widened eyes and quickened breath at a seemingly harmless remark of a harbor person, he knew what was up. That being said he isn’t exactly a “let’s hug it out” kind of person so he instead settled for bringing his lover back to their cabin and pouring some drinks. He wouldn’t dare ask what caused that reaction but if sole was apt to speak he’d be happy to listen.

Piper:

“Um blue..you know I don’t expect you to do all of this, right?”

It was quite the unusual symptom of ptsd but no matter what, even if you were sick you just couldn’t stop yourself from going the extra mile in absolutely everything you do for piper. That wasn’t a bad thing per se but..whenever you began to not even sleep more than four hours before waking and wanting go hound for more stories she knew something was terribly wrong.

It took a while to drag it out of you but once she took time to sit and you let the cat out of the bag she was horrified at first but slowly began to understand. So to attempt to remedy your illness she takes special care to remind you that it isn’t necessary to always be doing something for everyone. Self care is key.

Preston:

“General, for once..the settlements can wait.”

He was well aware of your illness the very first time you displayed even a minor trait. So once the nightmares shook you into a hallucinating awareness he embraced you through your vicious yells and even your pained sobs. The next morning when you tried to pretend nothing happened he hugged you once more, taking your gun from your hands before shaking his head.

“Let’s take today off..”

X6-88:

“Sole just breathe.”

Calm and collected was his m.o., no matter what. Be it his programming or just his core personality. That being said he truly did feel concern whenever he saw his normally equally calm love spiral down into a feverish frenzy of anger and confusion. However instead of wasting time he simply teleported back to the institute with you in (embarrassingly enough) literally in his arms, marched up to the doctor and demanded immediate assessment and treatment. Ranks be damned.

#fallout #fo4 companions #fallout companions #hancock #curie #fallout 4 #macready #paladin danse #tw ptsd #sorry if there are any errors i wrote this in a hurry

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percontaion-points · 3 years

Text

King’s Men chapter 4

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions.

Chapter 4

"If we knew what Andrew had against us, we could try to fight it," Dan said.

JFC, I don't think that three books is enough to cover all of Andrew's psychological issues in the depth that Dan is asking about.

And I say this as a casual psychology hobbyist.

"Feels like we're right back where we started in August," Matt agreed.

"If we knew what Andrew had against us, we could try to fight it," Dan said.

[…]

"I can try. But," he continued, with a glance between them, "someone needs to work on Aaron. Nicky wants to be your friend and Kevin knows the team is stronger as a whole, but Aaron's almost as dead-set against us as Andrew is.”

It's like the second book literally never happened. What was the goddamned point of it even if the second everybody comes back following the winter break, and everybody hit the “character reset” button?

That was one of the things reporters had liked harping about most when Kevin became a permanent fixture at Andrew's side: Kevin was raised at Evermore, surrounded by the best and practically born with a racquet in his hand, whereas Andrew learned Exy while he was locked up in juvie. Neil had a page-long article about it in his notebook. It was crassly titled "The Prince and the Pauper", and its focus was on how doomed their friendship was. The writer thought their attitudes toward Exy too incompatible and their backgrounds too different for them to stay together long.

Imagine getting the assignment of writing about the bromance between two college sports players.

Like looking down at what you'd just finished writing and going “Haha, I got a journalism degree.”

"I'm not a striker by choice, either," he said. "I was a backliner in little leagues. Riko remembers because I scrimmaged with him and Kevin.”

I think the weirdest thing about Neil's personality is just that... it was already established that he played literally one game of exy when he was little, on orders of the mob boss to see if he couldn't turn Neil into an exy puppet, like Kevin and Riko. And then his mom took him and they went on the run.

Like literally one game. But Neil decided to turn this singular game into a goddamned personality trait.

"Exy is the shiny object of your sad little world. You know you're being hunted and you know the hounds are closing in, but you won't let go to save yourself. You once told me you don't understand why a person would actively try to die, but here you are. I guess that was another lie."

I think that the worst goddamned part of this stupid series is how AWARE that it is.

Yet, it makes lines like this constant, about how sports isn't a personality, etc etc... BUT IT DOES NOTHING TO ACTUALLY FIX THE PROBLEMS THAT IT'S HIGHLIGHTING.

At the end of the day, the only thing that this line will be will be a throw-away line. Not a moment for self-reflection, not a reason to want to change, not a warning to the reader not to turn a hobby into your sole personality.

Nope. Just a dumb moment of being too self-aware yet not aware enough to do anything about the problem being highlighted.

“Aaron cut a deal with Andrew at juvie: if Andrew stuck with him until graduation, Aaron would stick with Andrew. No friends, no girlfriends, nothing. Aaron couldn't even socialize with his teammates."

Part of me gets it.

But most of me is just sitting there being “wow. Do you see how shitty and abusive that this is? If he was a boyfriend, we'd all be screaming for the one to get away from such a toxic situation. Why the hell is this somehow different?”

"You were right. They made a promise. Aaron and Andrew, I mean. That's what Aaron told Katelyn, anyway. Aaron cut a deal with Andrew at juvie: if Andrew stuck with him until graduation, Aaron would stick with Andrew. No friends, no girlfriends, nothing. Aaron couldn't even socialize with his teammates."

Neil combed his fingers through his hair and tested the bandage on his cheek. "Aaron would have meant high school graduation. They renewed it when they signed a contract to play here."

"Now Katelyn's in the picture, but Aaron won't fight for her."

Okay... So is Aaron just going to continue to put his life on hold for Andrew's mental illness forever? Literally none of this is remotely healthy.

"This is a joke," Dan said, grabbing Neil's chin. "Neil?"

"He told me to transfer to the Ravens," Neil said. "He said I could finish this year with the Foxes but that I'd move to Edgar Allan this fall. They inked me in preparation and I couldn't stop them. I wanted you to know in case Riko says something about it. I'm still a Fox no matter what he says. I wouldn't sign his papers."

WHY THE FUCK DID THEY NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS. THEY LITERALLY PUT MAKE-UP ON HIM EVERY DAY TO COVER HIS BRUISES.

"You never had any plans to go home for Christmas, did you? That whole mess about your uncle flying to Arizona—you made that up so we wouldn't ask too many questions or wonder why you weren't going to New York with Kevin."

Nothing quite like being a day late and a dollar short.

"Nightmares," Neil echoed. It wasn't the turn he'd thought this conversation would take but he could guess what was tearing Aaron apart. "About November, you mean."

"He doesn't want it to bother him," Katelyn said.

My usual sentiment of “THERAPY?! LOL WHAT'S THAT?!” is way too on the nose with this. Please refer back to the previous chapter commentary for my full opinion on this matter.

He got up and left, and she didn't call after him.

Chapter 4 summary: Some time passes, and Neil is given the approval to continue playing again. After practice, he talks with some of the others over how the team had been together towards the end of the fall semester, but now it's like that never happened.

Back at the dorm, Neil randomly thinks about how Andrew hates exy so much. He thinks about some of Andrew's background, of how he'd been introduced to exy while he was in juvie. Kind of the opposite of Kevin, in Neil's opinion. Andrew and Neil then have a long-ish conversation about what exy means to them, but again, the two of them are kind of polar opposites about the entire thing. Andrew keeps telling Neil not to make the game his singular personality trait, but Neil... doesn't listen. What else is new. Immediately following this, Neil leaves to return to his usual nighly practices with Kevin. Who promptly reminds both Neil as well as the reader that Kevin has exactly one personality trait, and it's exy. (Granted, there is a history of Kevin's abuse, but the book literally never goes into that. Oh no, the only one we gotta talk about is Andrew.)

The next morning, Matt tells Neil that the twins made an agreement when they were in high school to stick together. However, when they signed at the university, they basically renewed their promise. And the short of it is that Andrew is holding Aaron emotionally hostage, as well as the idea of Aaron's future (ie a wife and kids). They're positive that if Andrew found out about Aaron's secret relationship with Katelyn, Andrew would hurt her. Neil decides to play dirty and get them into the same room together to talk it out with Betsy, and Katelyn would be the leverage against Aaron.

Later, the girls randomly find out about Neil's tattoo, despite them being up close and personal with his face because of make-up. They then piece together what Neil actually did over his break, which... again... a day late and a dollar short.

Neil later meets up with Katelyn in the library to rope her in on getting Aaron the help he needs, and to get him out from under the manipulative thumb of his brother. He convinces her to stop being the victim caught in between the Aaron/Andrew situation, but she doesn't exactly give an actual answer right away.

#All For The Game #The King's Men #chapter 04 #Aaron and Andrew Minyard #Danielle Wilds #can we not #Neil Josten #okay but why #UGH JUST UGH #Kevin Day #playing sports is not a personality trait #self-aware novels #toxic relationship #shitty family is shitty #i'm done goodbye #HEADDESKING #go to therapy

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spidxysense · 4 years

Text

Back to You | 13

Summary: He broke your heart, but you’d always love him. Two souls that not even the universe could tear apart, even if you wanted it to at times.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader x Timothee Chalamet

A/N: Yay I updated! I hope you guys like this one, I was stuck for a bit there but once I sat down and got to typing, I really finished it in one sitting. I was just planning on updating it bit by bit lol. Let me know what you guys think, Love you!!!!!!

Word count: 2,591

Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13

-------------------------------------------------------

You were in the car with Troye, it had been a few months since you came back home from Italy, and by home you meant your shared apartment with Troye in LA. Now you were out looking for a dress to wear to the premiere for Celia. You’d tricked your manager to think that you’ve been sick the past week but it was like Troye had a no Bullshit radar. The second he stepped into your shared apartment last night from his trip to Australia he knew you were pretending to be sick so you could miss the premier.

Troye pulls down his sunglasses to the bridge of his nose, giving you a side eye as you glared at him, “Sweetie, don’t give me that look.” he rolls his eyes, “I thought everything was going great? You agreed to release that album you’d been holding onto for who even knows how long anymore. You and Timothee kissed-” You wince at the sound of his name, “Troye…”

He groans, “No! Tell me you didn’t ghost Timothee Chalamet, you asshole!”

You put your hands up in defense, “In my defense, I did not ghost him. He’s filming a movie, he’s off his phone because he’s focusing on the movie and-adn well, he’s starring in the movie with Lily-Rose Depp, he’ll forget about me.” You try to reason, finally opening up your insecurity to your best friend who probably already knew from the beginning.

His grip on the steering wheel gets tighter, “So what? You tell me you let Tom go, a week later news breaks that’s he’s dating Zendaya which by the way makes him a fucking asshole. Now you’re back to being this insecure girl who thinks some pretty french girl can steal this guy who’s like practically head over heels for you?” He pauses from his rant, “What are you two even?”

You shrug, "Which is why this situation is perfect. I have a chance to think things over and so does he… in case he realizes he made a big mistake. I don't know what we are, I mean, we just kind of agreed that we both like each other."

He groans, parking the car, "You two are cute you know? Like I want to bash your heads together cute because nobody will take the first step."

You hop out the car, slamming the door as cameras rush to your presence. Troye's hand on your back guides you through as he insults the paparazzi for hounding celebrities as their day jobs.

He passes by the aisles of clother, already picking something out for himself while ylu see a few pretty numbers tp buy for everyday use, "You are perfect, Y/N. Just like fucking insecure." He trails behind you, which you don't need to be, might I mention." He hands you a dress, pushing you to the dressing room, "I thought you might want to emulate her character so I thought this would be perfect."

You rolled your eyes, "At least Timothee won't be at the premier tonight." You sigh in relief, "He would never abandon filming just to go to some premiere. So that's one less person I have to worry about."

Troye gapes at you, "Oh honey, if you were anyone but you, I would agree, but I already know you're worrying about the fact that he's off in some european country with Lily."

You bit off a dry piece off of your bottom lip, as you changed, keeping silent because both you and Troye knew that what he was saying was right.

He sighs, “Look Y/N, at the end of the day all that matters is, is he someone you see yourself with? And if he is, then why the hell would you throw that away? Or even let anyone take from you? You need to boss the fuck up and I’m sorry if I’m hurting your feelings but I am so done with you being and feeling so sorry for yourself when you know you deserve better but aren’t taking it when it’s being handed to you.”

You open the door with a heave, “Because it feels like I don’t deserve it!” You were already wearing the dress but you slump down on one of the couches, “How can you not understand that the guy I let go, who was my first love is dating the very person he cheated on me with? How can you not understand how absolutely soul wrenching that is? That even if I want to be with Timothee, I can’t because I don’t know how to be with him properly. Because he’ll know and feel all these thoughts in my head and all these terrible feelings I have after Tom replaced me with the person he was with when he hurt me?” The tears are pouring out as you feel the flashes from the cameras outside but you didn’t care. Let them see because you were so tired of not being allowed to hurt, “I don’t know how to do this Troye, not without hurting Timothee, and I don’t want to do that… not anymore, he deserves the absolute world and where I am now, I can’t give him mine because there’s almost nothing left of it.”

Troye looks shocked as he gets on his knees next to you, hugging you with all his might, “Alright, well I guess tough love was the wrong move to use on you.” He pulls apart from you, grabbing your arms at the side and looks in your eyes, “But Y/N, have you ever wondered what Timothee wants? Based from everything you’ve told me it seems like you guys haven’t even talked about whatever the two of you are and Timothee wouldn’t be the type of person who’d tell you what he wants because he just wants you to get what you want.” He smiles sadly at you.

You sigh, “Alright, I’ll talk with Timothee when he gets back.”

He gives you a pat on the back, “That won’t even be for until a few months so you have time to think for yourself.” He grabs you by the hand, pulling you up to stand, “And that dress definitely embodies Celia. You’re wearing that tonight.”

You laugh, “I look like I’m going to prom. Is it really alright for me to wear this?”

Troye rolls his eyes, “Sweetie, this is your movie, you can wear whatever the hell you want. You could even come in a sack and nobody would have the right to tell you not to wear what you want.”

-----------------------------------------------------

The light flashes in your eyes when the car comes to a hald and you step out, blinding lights from cameras and the ones directly pointed at the red carpet and suddenly you can’t breathe.

Troye’s hand guides you through the walkway onto the carpet but you can’t seem to get a grip on the reality in front of you. It had been so long since you last did a red carpet which was from The Greatest Showman. This was an indie movie, but given the success of the first one, it had garnered a lot more fans. Luckily you’re stopped by an interviewer.

“Y/N! You look fabulous!”

You smile shyly, “Thank you so much, you look beautiful tonight as well.”

She laughs along with what you said as she proceeds to her question, “So, how much chemistry should we be expecting from you and Timothee in this movie? You’re known to be very electric with your onscreen partners in your scenes so there’s no doubt in me that the sparks between you two will go absolutely haywire.”

You laugh, “Well, you know we did our best so hopefully the scenes are captivating and we were able to capture Luca’s intended emotions for the scenes.”

She nods, almost seeming like she wasn’t even listening, “And how about Timothee? He isn’t here tonight, will you and Armie be fine without him?”

You look around, “Oh is Armie here now?” You spot him along the carpet right as he looks over at you, waving and running over.

“Y/N!” He hugs you, as the interviewer stares at the two of you.

You wrap an arm around his back, “To answer your question, we won’t be needing Timothee.” You laugh.

Armie grabs hold of the mic in the interviewer’s hand, “This is live right?” He looks over at the interviewer who nods, “Timmy if you’re watching this, I hope you know we’re having the time of our lives here.”

He gives you a big smooch on the cheek, ruffling your hair and going back to the carpet with his wife who gives you a wave and blows a kiss towards you.

“Alright, so a few weeks ago, your team released a statement that you’ll be releasing your new album which from what we all understand has been in the making for a very long time?”

You nod, already expecting the next question out of her mouth.

“So is it safe to say songs from these past months since you last released an album will be in there.” You smile, nodding, “Then is it safe to assume we’ll be hearing some songs inspired by Tom?”

And there it was, “Well, you know this album will be a double release so it comes from all these beautiful moments since my last album, whether that be me in love, me falling out of love, hurting, laughing. I just think it’s gonna be such an important album for me since it captures so many beautiful moments in my life that I’m just very glad to be treasuring and emulating in my songs.”

“And you aren’t nervous at all for any backlash? Since it has been a while since we last heard a song from you and since you last performed live, especially considering how your last tour ended up.”

You nod along, not taking offense to the questions, “Yeah, well you know, I have been writing songs and they’ve been given to other artists so there’s not too much worry in me that these songs won’t be well liked, and in terms of tour I just don’t think that’s something I can really handle still since the last one had me in a really bad place mentally, and this is something I really want my fans to understand, that mental illness isn’t something we can ignore until we pop. We have to handle it the best way we can and sometimes that just means we have to avoid things that might bring us bad feelings.”

Suddenly the crowd goes wild as a car comes to a stop, the person inside stepping out. You crane your neck trying to get a good look at who it was, but the amount of people was too much so you decide against it. It was probably a celebrity that wasn’t in the movie and is going to the premier or a close friend of Armie’s or Timothee’s, maybe it was Saoirse Ronan.

You look back at the interviewer who had spotted another up and coming celebrity, “And here we have George Mackay!” He waves towards the camera, giving you a grin and standing next to you after the interviewer called him over.

“I don’t quite know why I’m here for the interview seeing as it’s not my premier.” He laughs, “But I am very excited to watch this movie.” He gestured towards you, “This is our first time meeting but I am a very big fan.”

You cover your mouth, “You were so great in Marrowbone.”

“So, here we have another up and coming actor, George Mackay at the premier. Many of our viewers have said that you two should do a movie together soon.”

You giggle, “Well I don’t know, only if George is up for it.”

He laughs, “I’ll have my agent call yours.” He jokes, “I’m quite excited for this one, You don’t really star in too many movies anymore so seeing Y/N in a movie is quite a treat.” He scratched the back of his head.

“Aren’t these two just adorable?” The interviewer laughs.

Suddenly an arm snakes around your back, and you turn only to see brown curly hair.

“Oh my! What a surprise, Timothee Chalamet has just arrived at the premier!”

Somehow George had made his way back to the carpet, Timothee now moving over to where George stood just moments ago.

You laugh nervously, “We thought you were still in Europe.”

He looks at you, a light in his eyes, “I would never miss the premier for our movie, are you kidding me?!”

She gestured towards you, “What can you say about Y/N? How is she looking tonight?”

He takes a look at you up and down, “Well you know, that isn’t really in my line to say but she looks great, absolutely stunning. I think Y/N and I are the same in the regard that we pick our own clothes for these things, right?”

You nod, “Totally, and I only really wanted to look good because I knew if you somehow ended up here tonight you’d outshine me.”

He laughs, “No way! How could I outshine you, I mean come on!” He looks at the camera gesturing towards you, “Look how beautiful she looks!” You blush at that.

The interviewer laughs, “Well, we just got a first hand look at the chemistry we were just talking about, Y/N. You two look like you’re on a date night.” She pauses, “Now Timothee, now that you’re back how was Europe, what did you miss most in the States?”

He grins, “Well it’s pretty cold there, and what did I miss, well not really too much. Who I missed though is a whole different question.”

You laugh nervously, realizing you weren’t ready for the whole freaking world to know you and Timothee had confessed mutual attraction.

The interviewer points at Timothee’s arm around you, “Now that’s been going on for a while now, do you have anything to tell us?”

Timothee opens his mouth, but you beat him to it, “Well you know Timmy, always comfortable with everyone he meets. He’s just such a goofball that’s very easy to get comfortable with him.” You laugh.

He somehow gets the point and laughs along, “Yeah yeah, exactly. One night during the filming I hopped in bed with Armie and his wife.”

“So do you have any words for this movie, Timothee?”

He nods, “Of course, well Armie and I are just so lucky that Luca didn’t realize we were two of the biggest idiots he’s ever met, and I’m just so thankful that this movie brought me to Y/N here, who is just so lovely and was the only sensible one among Armie and I. I really hope we stay in touch since a lot of these movies you know, once the filming is done, the same goes for the relationships and friendships you build with everyone here.” He takes a breath, “I’m very proud of what we’ve made and I really hope nobody has any regrets with the movie.”

“Alright, well, I’ll let you two get to it. Thanks for giving us your time guys.” You wave at the interviewer and spot Luca along the carpet who was giving you hand signals to stick by Timothee the whole night.

You stand next to Timothee as pictures of the two of you were taken, “We need to talk.” You look up at him, right as he looks down at you.

“Okay.”

#Timothee Chalamet #timmy #Selena Gomez #tom holland #tom holland fanfiction #tom x reader #timothee x reader #timothee chalamet x reader #timothee fanfic #bty #back to you #i updated yay #i missed you guys #spidxysense

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seizethecarpe · 4 years

Text

Miss Fisher’s Murder Mystery || Winston and Dave

Timing: Immediately after Murder They Wrote and Murder He Thought Parties: @danetobelieve & @seizethecarpe Summary: When Winston hears a murder, they come to investigate, leaving both of them a little worse for the wear.

Winston scanned the surface of the water, their thoughts frantic. They didn’t know how they knew. They weren’t really sure what these thoughts in their head were. But they felt foreign. They felt different. They definitely didn’t belong to Winston that much was sure. It was almost as if they were oil on the surface of the water, similar but not enough to be indistinguishable. “Hello?” honestly, they weren’t sure what they were doing but they knew that they had to look for something, they got up the flashlight app before immediately closing it. It was the middle of the day. Sighing, they kicked off their shoes and socks, and rolled up their jeans before gingerly stepping into the muddy lake that was Dark Score. Cringing as the dirt oozed between their toes, Winston shuddered, this had better be worth it.

Gorged on Ahuixotl flesh, Dave was pretty happy and unself aware as he swam through bloodsoaked water. They’d finished their fight in an unobtrusive part of the lake, nowhere Dave expected to run into people. He just couldn’t stand to stay in the water much longer - fresh water itched at skin that was built to be surrounded by salt, and while being in the water was glorious, Dave had other things to do. Slowly, he exhaled, his body rearranging as his skin split open. He was sure for some it hurt, but for him it was as natural as stretching. Dave stood up in the fortunately waist high, bloody water. He didn’t hear the other person at first, nor see them as his eyes adjusted to the sunny light, but he felt them step in the water, clear as anything. Shit. “Who’s there?”

Honestly. Winston wasn’t expecting to see Dave. Topless. For a man his age he was in pretty good shape. That wasn’t the reason for Winston’s slack jaw but honestly they couldn’t really help but try and look anywhere but at Dave. “Oh…” Winston’s mind was racing. What was Dave doing here and why was he topless. Winston guesses he could just be swimming. But swimming through water that was bloody was a weird coincidence when Winston had thought those things. Felt them in their mind. Here he was stood in water. “It’s just me, uh Winston, we met the other day at the … station.” Winston swallowed trying to decide how to play this. They really hoped Dave wasn’t a dangerous criminal or just dangerous. He seemed chill.

Dave rubbed his hand over his eyes, knowing full well that wouldn’t help them adjust. But yeah, shit, it was Winston. They were standing at the edge of the lake, jeans rolled up, their shoes abandoned on the rocky shore. In truth, they were a little far away for Dave to hear them all too great nor lipread as easily, but the kid looked slack jawed and deeply uncomfortable, for whatever reason, and Dave would try to be real respectful of that, so he was staying right where he was. In bloody water. Without even thinking about it, he scratched at his scarred up chest. “Yeah, uh, kid, why’re you here? Recreational side’a the lake’s that way.”

Frowning. Winston was vividly aware of the fact that they didn’t have a god reason to be here. They could always pull the police business card but they didn’t have their ID or any justifiable reason to be here. But it also seemed somewhat ironic that they were the one who was being questioned at this moment. Taking a deep breath. Winston took a step forward before immediately regretting it. Bloody water wasn’t going to do their jeans any good and Winston wasn’t sure what getting wet would do for them right now. “I … I was walking and I saw all this blood,” Winston replied in a half shout, “... kind of couldn’t help but wonder what went on. You don’t know why there is like … a LOT of blood… do you?”

“Really? You were walking through that thicket over there with all the trash that’s washed up for the hell of it?” Dave eyed them shrewdly. They were lying, clear as day, but Dave was about to do just the same. He wasn’t about to tell some cop associate that he’d killed an ancient species that pretended to sound like crying babies and used their hand shaped tail to drag all sortsa people to a watery grave? That he still had a bit of said species stuck between his teeth? “I’m fishing, Dane. S’all. Nothin’ for you to worry about.”

Still unable to hear Dave all that well, Winston made the executive decision to press onwards into the lake, rolling their jeans up as far as they would go. “Sure let’s go with that,” Winston replied in agreement with a squint of their eyes, was there something weird about Dave’s teeth. Taking a few steps forward, they couldn’t help but frown. Swallowing their apprehension at the situation, Winston was about to say something when they spotted what were unmistakably not human teeth. Oh! He’s a selkie. Winston thought, it made sense really.

Dave frowned even more deeply, stopping his idle scratch to warn Winston away with his hands. That was too late, though, as he heard them speak, calling him a selkie. His calm, if annoyed demeanor dissipated as he surged through the water up to Winston, faster than he was sure most expected of him these days. He grabbed the front of their shirt and twisted it in his fist as he growled deeply. “What did you just call me?” He asked, his sharp canines only inches away from Winston’s face.

Winston was pretty sure that they hadn’t said anything. In fact, they were certain that they hadn’t even moved their lips. Yet within an astoundingly short amount of time, Winston was being grabbed by the collar of their shirt and dragged forward. “Hey, I didn’t say … I didn’t call you anything,” Winston did their best to protest. But Dave was clearly strong. Why was it that all Selkie’s that Winston had met could kick their ass up and down the sidewalk? Aside from Skye of course. But it would be nice to just have someone who wasn’t so much more … physical then them. It was instinctive, Winston couldn’t help it. It was like the first time they’d used magic against that Hell Hound, there was the pull in their stomach, the heat in the palm, a flash of blinding light and the smouldering smell of skin and hair burning. Winston wasn’t sure exactly what they had done.

“Like hell you didn’t. You sai-“ Dave couldn't finished that thought, as hot air burst from Winston's hand, throwing Dave back. Kid shoulda thought that one through, Dave didn't let go in time, so as he fell in the water, so did the Spellcaster. Because of fucking course the kid's a Spellcaster. Plunging in the water was a relief for the burnt skin and chest hair, gave him a chance to let go and get some distance between them, and think. Like how he hadn't seen Winston's lips move a moment ago. Like how the last few days all he'd heard was these random thoughts about computers he knew nothing about. Dave came up from the water with his hands up - neither way was he up for fighting a Spellcaster without an ambush. "Alright, alright. You didn't say anything, but you thought it, right? Like you been thinking about rams and computers and stuff. You play with mental magic, Winston?"

“Fuck no,” Winston replied with a frown, “I mean, I have played with mental magic before, but only because this lake had a giant squid demon in it and a cult trying to end the world, but I ended up with a third eye from it,” Winston wasn’t sure why they showed Dave their third eye in their hand, they hoped that it would be enough to impress upon Dave how unwilling to fuck around with this shit they were. “I don’t know what’s going on but I’m pretty sure I’ve been hearing your thoughts too, like the fact that you just killed someone or … I guess something as a seal? I don’t know, but I promise I don’t want to hurt you and I really don’t like sharing your thoughts, it’s fucking deafening and I can’t focus on my ram and computers and stuff when you’re constantly making that hmm noise. Like I get that you’re stoic but jesus dude you don’t have to be so gruff ALL the time.” Winston hoped that they didn’t have to blast Dave again. “I don’t know what the fuck is going on, but I know you just killed something and I’m really hoping it wasn’t something that you shouldn’t of killed.”

“Giant squid demon? Nearly sorry I missed it,” Dave said gruffly, touching at his reddened, slightly singed chest, trying to see how bad it was. Nothing he couldn’t handle, nothing needing a doctor. “You pack one hell of a punch, kid.” He almost felt bad for pulling them into the water with him. He narrowed his eyes as Dane ranted. “Alright, alright, I get your point. I ain’t that gruff. Although why you’re always thinking about goats is beyond me.” Hmmmm. “Shit, kid, I killed exactly what I needed to. She was a feisty one. Hold on now,” He rummaged around in the water, until he felt the limb, and lifted the ahuixotl outta the water. Bloody water ran from his flesh where he’d been eaten at its muscles. “I hunt ‘em. That’s all you thought you heard. Real noble of you to run out here to try to save her, although kinda ill advised.”

“Yeah, giant squid demon from the underdark that we lovingly named Squidward, had to carry out a big magic ritual to get everything in the town to a point where we could actually deal with it. Not terrifying in anyway.” Winston bit their lip and looked at the wound on Dave’s chest. “Hey, I’m …. I’m sorry I blasted you, I guess this was just one weird coincidence marred by supernatural involvement.” Pursing their lips, Winston swallowed away the guilt that they were feeling. After all if you were going to grab people by the scruff of their neck then you had to consider that this might happen. “Oh, damn, fuck, now I feel dumb… I guess thanks for killing something else that would’ve liked to hold my head under the water and … well probably eat my bones or some shit afterwards.” Winston felt better, at least Dave was cool, but they guessed that meant that there were other things for them to contend with now. “I can keep a secret, about … the whole selkie thing, if you want. I mean, like, I won’t tell anyone and actually, I know a few selkies in town already that are pretty cool so you’re in good company.”

“Wait, Squidward was the demon? Why were people grieve- Oh” Dave smacked his hand against his head. He’d totally been had by them girls online when he came to town. Right. Good to know. “Sounds like that was one hell of an experience.” He waved away Winston’s apology entirely, unconcerned. “I’ve had worse,” Which was a statement he could rather extensively back up, considering the long, lacerating scars running across his whole body. This’d peel like a sunburn and get it all over with. “They cry like babies so you come to the water thinking you’re about to discover Moses in a wicker basket, and drag you under. Lot’sa things like this in this town, I’m learning.” Winston would keep Dave’s secret if he wanted? Dave huffed, standing up properly in the water now he didn’t need to worry about a spellcaster sizzling half the lake before he could get away. “Shouldn’t need to ask, kid. Keeping secrets should be the default, same as I wouldn’t tell nobody that you’re a spell caster.”

“Oh, yeah, that was probably ironic grieving, or they were part of the angry cult that was trying to let Squidward consume all of White Crest or whatever it’s nefarious plan actually was.” Winston was glad that there weren’t any creepy eye cultists left, they were a real buzz kill. Looking Dave over, Winston was sure that they probably had had worse. There was a gruffness to him that suggested that he had plenty of experience dealing with some of the more terrifying aspects of the supernatural. “Oh, well that would’ve absolutely worked on me, I’ll remember to take any crying noises with a pinch of salt with the recognition that it is probably some awful supernatural creature that is intent on turning me into their dinner. But yeah, this town is a literal hell hole in terms of terrible creatures that want to kill you. Don’t even get me started on the mime problem because honestly fuck mimes. Though I am glad that we didn’t have a carnival that was a murder carnival, I was kind of waiting for that one to specifically break bad to be honest.” Winston nodded, that was a dumb move on their part. “Sorry, sorry, I know, I’m kind of new to all of this and sometimes forget the ‘etiquette’ and the rules that everyone else seems to know about.”

“Mime problem?” Dave repeated, looking at Winston skeptically, wondering if they were yanking his chain. If they weren’t, he wasn’t too sure he wanted to know, either. “Not a carnival guy, but I heard some shit went down there too.” Some weird mirrors, the drowning tea cup ride, the rollercoaster that left people petrified. “That’s the big one. So, Dane, how do we get outta each other’s heads? I’m figuring it ain’t as easy as trying to be quiet. Because I really don’t need to hear all your goat and I-eight-six-b-three or whatever now.” Leaving his pelt underwater for now, not wanting to reveal it to the spellcaster, Dave walked out of the lake, to where he’d left his clothes hidden in the undergrowth, forgetting all sorts of human decency conventions as he did.

“You probably wouldn’t believe me even if I told you, but my honest advice would just be to leave if you see a mime, or kill it. I’m not convinced that they’re actually people.” Winston had the image of themselves dressed in mime gear burned into their retinas. It was a sight that they doubted they would ever get rid of. “I mean, it certainly wasn’t the most mundane of carnivals, but I don’t think that anyone died.” At least no one that Winston had heard of. But they could not help but remember the hall of mirrors. Winston was about to start suggesting various ideas that they had to potentially cure this and all of the research that they were planning to do and all of the things that they could try when Dave just walked over to the lake shore entirely naked. “Uh………” Winston wasn’t sure that they would have blushed that hard ever again if they tried to, “I’ll just look the other way I guess.”

“Right, escape the mimes, watch out for giant squidward demons and ladies making fun of it online, and be careful at the carnivals.” Dave nodded, taking it all in. “I think I got it.” He was waiting for Winston’s reply when they panicked, and Dave remembered that not everyone needed to see his own dangly bits. “I thought you said you knew other selkies. How do you think we get into our seal skin, kid? With jorts on?” Dave rolled his eyes, entirely unashamed at he pulled his boxers and shorts on, where the fabric struggled against his damp skin. He only wore clothes nowadays that would dry fast, and considering he was hot no matter the weather, they’d dry fast too. Once he had his shirt on, he emerged from the thicket to look at Winston again. Even if they’d looked away, their skin was still flushed deeply. Dave chortled. “So the brain untangling thing. Thoughts?”

“Dude, White Crest really is fucked, hearing you say it out loud like that. I don’t know how we’re not all dead.” Winston wasn’t sure what it was. Was it the shock of everything? Maybe. It was the fact that there was an older man that was naked from head to toe in front of their very eyes. Maybe it was the fact that this naked man was actually a shape shifter that could slip into their seal skin at will and change form. Surreal didn’t seem to cover it. “I guess I just wasn’t expecting you to do it in such a blase manner, but you know your confidence is really impressive. So you’ve got that going for you.” Winston needed to disconnect their mind from this person so that they could curl up and die. Swallowing their embarrassment at their sheer awkwardness, Winston sighed. “Uh, well, mental magic is really … finicky and I don’t really know enough to be confident in using it, but I have access to a really big library of magical knowledge and then there’s also the internet, and there are tonnes of people that might be able to help. I guess we should probably try by working out what is actually causing this and then we can work out how we stop it. Did you have a weird dream a few nights ago?”

“Confidence? Kid, I’m just too old to give a fuck,” Dave replied with a bemused snort. At least he was kind enough to not comment on their embarrassment. He looked out to the lake, where we water had grown clearer. Or rather, the blood had diluted so much it weren’t so noticeable anymore, at least not to him. The fish’d had a grand time with the remains of the ahuixiotl. “Right, right. You hit the google and I’ll hit good old fashioned paper. Not that I’d have the foggiest where to start.” He looked up at them. “I have a whole bunch’a weird dreams, constantly. Had one about them hungry sands recently, and woke up with bloody knees. Now I think about it, you were in it. That what you mean?”

“Isn’t that the same thing?” Winston replied somewhat glibly. “God I really wish we could just google a fix to this, that would be ideal.” Unfortunately something told Winston that wasn’t the way that this was going to work. It was fine. Coffee would help them through it. “Yeah, exactly. The incredibly terrifying dream where my parents were devoured by the … what did you call it … hungry sands?” Winston had to admit that as phrases for names and places went that was pretty good. “Well, yeah, that was what I meant. I remember you were in it and I also woke up with fairly bloody fingers, like they’d been rubbed raw by something even though I was just in my bed. It was incredibly disconcerting.” Winston swallowed and frowned.

Hmmmmm. “Wonder if it’s the same shit.” Dave rubbed the back of his head, shaking the water out of his hair. That dream had held nightmares of his too. “Anyhow, Dane, I got shit to do. This spellcaster stuff is way above my paygrade. Not looking to play Nancy Drew when I got to get paid for my real job. Why don’t you head off now, and we’ll talk about this some other time.” There was something else behind his words too. No way was he showing a near stranger his pelt, but he couldn’t leave it in the water either.

Raising an eyebrow, Winston swallowed and nodded gently. “I got it, you’ve not got time to extricate me from your head right now, gotta make that bread or whatever.” Why did Winston always have to do everything themselves? Sighing, they turned and waded to the edge of the lake. The cuffs off their jeans soaking wet despite the fact that they had been rolled up, obviously hadn’t made much of a difference.

“If neither of us’s got an answer as to the how, then I don’t see how we can get our brains untangled right now,” Dave replied with a shrug. “And I ain’t signing up to having my head messed with until we know more.” What did Winston expect, a buddy cop movie? Dave sighed, internally and externally. Realising there was a whole chance they would hear that. He crossed his arms, looking back out to the lake as he learnt against a tree. The sooner they were gone, the better.

As Winston turned to walk away, they couldn’t help but think that a buddy cop movie would’ve been nice, Dave might not know it yet, but Winston was now determined to make it happen.

#wickedswriting #para #chatzy #winston #feat one grumpy old man #it's dave #dave's the grumpy old man

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katsukiboom · 5 years

Note

Ok, so I just read part 1 and 2 of your Cheating! Bakugou fanfic where Reader ends up marrying Izuku, I was wondering if you’d do a part 3 where it’s 16 years later after the wedding and Katsuki runs into s/o and Izuku’s son while he’s working at UA? Katsuki still being single, a smoker and alcoholic? Love your work❤️

ok so ???? i’m sorry it took me so long to get this done but i literally couldn’t nOT stop writing and this reached 3.4k words and i’m like ????????? why ??? but i hope you like it my dude! i left out some things like the alcoholic part since i don’t think u.a would hire someone like that but after that it’s all good (ノ^∇^)

PART 1 || PART 2

———————————————————————————————————–

16 years.

For some, it seems like a life – for you itwas as if only one had passed, your happiness preventing you from noticing timepassing faster than anything else.

You had everything you always wanted on thepalm of your hand: a loving husband with a great heart, a nice house, yourpersonal economy was stable and the cherry on top of the cake was the amazingson you had been blessed with and that had made it into Yuuei with perfectscores. Truly, what could be better? Nothing was missing from your life as faras you could tell, and everything that came before Izuku seemed to be blurry inyour memory, like some bright light covered most of it to protect you fromthings.

The only clear thing you could always seewas his face, and the only clearmemory that gave you strength was remembering the night you left Bakugou. Theempowerment it gave you to storm out of the house that one night so many yearsago still rushed through your veins and even made you feel lucky at times,given the fact that many new doors opened after that that made your life turnupside down in a good way. You harboured no ill feelings towards Katsukithough; it was only life you told yourself, and to be completely honest you hadnever been completely sure about the compatibility you shared.

That, of course, was only in your mind now,and you were sure you’d never dare to tell anyone about it – after all thattime you understood your happiness wasn’t with him, and you hoped he understoodthe same about his own. The only glimpses you caught of him were in Yuuei’sannual class reunions, where he just stood far from everyone next to the wineand avoided every attempt of small talk his old classmates tried on him. Youwanted to ask about his work and what had happened to the great Ground Zerothat was supposed to take over the hero world, but you never truly had thechance to do it.

But it didn’t matter anymore, as every timeyou turned to look at the one you decided to share your life with your heartgrew three times its size and beat with the strength of a hundred horses… or soit felt like. Izuku was all you could’ve dreamed in a partner – sweet,faithful, loyal, helpful, gentle, smart, protective (without gettingoverbearing), he made you feel whole, and many more things you could say abouthim but that would take too long to even put into words. You felt like he wasthe one destined for you, your soulmate to give it a name, and when you bothwelcomed the fruit of your love into the world about a year after the weddingit was the realization that nothing could go better.

Toshiro was nothing short of an amazingchild: well-behaved, always willing to lend a hand in the house, and respectfulto everyone around him. He took after his father, with green short curls andbig eyes, freckles spread all over his little face and even for his fifteenyears of age he seemed to have an amazing understanding of what he wanted to becomein life – ever since he made his desire of becoming a great hero like hisfather known to you two, Izuku had taught him early on to analyse every littlething he could about heroes, villains and Quirks, lending him his variousnotebooks in the process to encourage him to make his own. Sometimes he seemedmore excited than his own child and you found it adorable, hoping for the bestto come to your son.

When he came home with a beaming smile totell you the news that he had finally been accepted into Yuuei, 1-A to be morespecific, Izuku and you could not contain the happiness that filled yourhearts, and you granted Toshiro’s wish of going wherever he wanted to both as acongratulatory and parting gift, since it would only be a few weeks until hemoved to the dorms you knew well. Your child told you how everyone in theschool knew who his father was and how proud he was that ‘Deku’ had become suchan icon between the youth, as well as how one of the guys in his class wasMonoma’s son, something that made you laugh a bit.

Every day Toshiro called you at night tolet you know how his day had been and you were truly happy until a week passedand one night his voice through the phone sounded sad and angry, something youfound extremely confusing since he never really got upset about anything andtried to learn from everything around him.

“We have a substitute for homeroom until MrAizawa comes back from overseas,” he explained with a little sniff; whoever hadmade your little boy feel like that would have hell to pay for. “It’s thisbitter guy who’s always bringing up the fact that we need to be better versionsof the ones who came before us, and he’s always bringing up dad and claiminghe’s not worthy of being number one – I’m starting to feel that he doesn’t likeme because of him. He’s always making me overwork and today in training classhe completely ignored my scores even if I tried my best.”

“Have you tried talking to other teachersor even the principal?”

You were worried that you’d show signs ofanger or anything else that could affect Toshiro even more, but if that wasthere he didn’t give away anything. “I spoke with the counsellor who told mehe’s known him since he was a student and that he’d talk with him tomorrow, sonow I’m just waiting to see what happens.”

You told him to keep you updated on thesituation and quickly diverted the topic to something else to avoid him gettingmore and more upset, but you doubted it would get the thoughts out of his mind.After another ten minutes of talking he started yawning quietly, so you smiledas you said your goodbyes, wishing him a good night and ending the call. Izukuwas already sleeping due to his hectic schedule, and you made a mental note totalk with him the next day to let him know what was going on – you were a bitafraid he’d try to go and do something at the school, but a little voice inyour head reminded you that it was Deku you were talking about, the gentle andkind being who wouldn’t even hurt a fly.

But when Toshiro called the next night tolet you know that the substitute had tried to shame him in front of hisclassmates, you knew it was time for you to get involved; the kid had never hadany problems at school, and this being a first bothered you to say the least.

“I’ll be going to Yuuei tomorrow morning,”you announced during the very quiet dinner, Izuku eyeing you carefully from theother side of the table as if trying to read through you. “There’s something Ineed to take care of, I’ve already talked with Toshiro.”

“Did something happen to him?” he askedfast and he looked at you with a mix of sudden emotions, but you raised a handto calm him down.

“He’s been having trouble with a teacherfor a few days so I want to go and have a small talk to see if there’ssomething our boy’s not telling us or if it’s just an Aizawa copycat,” you explainedbefore taking a sip of water, purposefully leaving out some details you knewwould rile him up. “I know you can’t make it this week so I’ll take it on myown hands to fix this. I’ll keep you updated so you don’t worry or anything,”you said as you reached over the table to put your hand over his, giving it alittle squeeze in reassurance. You knew he’d worry despite what you told himthough, so you went back to your plate as he started telling you about his daywith a smile.

You woke up at 6am sharp in the cold bedand with a slight headache, something you took as a bad omen of what was tocome but you brushed it off thinking it was only your imagination. Taking a bitlonger to get ready, you looked at yourself in the mirror to fix the lastdetails before heading out to the kitchen, where you got a glass of water whichyou drank almost all in one sip – it was a bit stressing to think about whatyou would say or even do given that it was the first time you ever had to getinvolved, but at least you were thankful no teachers had called you for ameeting yet which meant Toshiro was keeping it together the best he could.

The drive was surprisingly fast for aThursday morning and before you knew it you were parking in front of the maingates, the enormous spread of land occupied by the school now even bettersecured due to the incidents that happened while you studied there. You took adeep breath and exited the car, walking the steps until you were right in frontof the metal automatic doors. They opened a few moments later, a tallindividual dressed in a fur vest and brown pants waiting behind them; he haddog-like appearance, with blond hair and a muzzle that covered half his face.He was very intimidating and scared you a bit but you remembered him fromplenty of times you had also sought his help – it was the pro-hero Hound Dog. “MrsMidoriya now, huh? Good to see you again,” he said lowly, almost like a growlbut you could see the slight trace of a smile on his snout, and you just noddedand greeted him with a little bow. “Your son told us you’d be coming today.Right this way, please.”

Despite his mildly aggressive tone he waskind enough to walk you through the all-too-familiar hallways for what feltlike twenty whole minutes until you reached his office. It was spacious andthere were little changes to it you could recognize, and after sitting acrossfrom his on his desk you glanced around to get used to your surroundings again.“I’m not sure if Toshiro talked with you about what’s been going on, but Iheard from him that there’s a substitute that’s been giving him some trouble,”you started as you turned back to him, “and I was wondering if there’ssomething you can tell me about this issue that maybe he’s not telling me.”

“Has he told you who the substitute is?”Hound Dog asked, his tone a bit sombre or so it sounded to you. You shook yourhead, and he sighed. “I’m sure you know him, he’s been a classmate of yours andas far as I’m aware your husband didn’t exactly get along with him. Bakugou,does it ring a bell?”

The world stopped for a solid minute aroundyou.

“Katsuki is the substitute teacher?”

“He has only a week left,” the hero explainedas he leaned back in his chair, “we called him for help with covering Aizawaduring one of his work trips. We must say that it’s not been the best choice,but Principal Nezu is still hoping to bring out the potential that’s stillthere… or the one he thinks he has.” His words planted on your head as youlistened carefully, and you realized you were gripping onto the armrests astightly as your hands could, immediately letting go as you saw your knucklesturning white. “We have already talked about this with him – it is considered a situation of abuse ofone’s power over someone else, especially when it comes from a teacher.” Hecrossed his arms and closed his eyes for a moment, seemingly thinking aboutsomething when he looked at you again, curiosity filling his gaze. “I can’tguarantee anything, but if it continues like this he’ll lose the job,” the heroadded and then just looked at you, an eyebrow raised as if waiting for you tosay what was going through your mind.

“If you’re expecting my son to go throughthis whole ordeal for one more week then I’m sorry to say the school’sresponsible if anything happens to him,” you spoke clearly and trying not toshow your disappointment. Looking back at the door, you asked, “Is Kats- Bakugou here now? I’d like to have aword with him,” but just when Hound Dog seemed willing enough to answer thedoor opened suddenly, making you jump on your seat but even you didn’t turnaround to see who it was the voice gave it away almost instantly, your gazeinstantly fixing on your lap as if that could hide your identity from him.

“Hound Dog, Vlad has a few things he needsyou to look over for the next fest- oh, I’m sorry,” he said from behind you, obviously not realizing who you were. “Ididn’t think you’d have visits this early,” there was a brief silence as thepro-hero in front of you growled lowly and got up, clearly fully annoyed butwaiting until he walked outside the room to let out some strong words. Youheard he whispered something on the low to Bakugou before grabbing some papersfrom his hands and making his way to wherever he was needed and with a few moresteps the door closed, Bakugou walking to the chair that was now empty. “So,what were you here for then?”

His arrogant tone seemed to return whentalking with someone who wasn’t in a superior position to him, and as he satdown dread filled you as you didn’t expect to go through this on your own. Youlooked up slowly and soon enough your gazes locked, his red eyes widening as itsunk down on him who you were and why you were there. “Hi,” was all you couldsay, but he didn’t reply. You wondered what was going on in his mind and if hewas going through the same array of emotions you were feeling, anger, pity andeven a bit of disappointment mixing together as you scanned over the newfeatures on his face – the scars, the little wrinkles on the corners of hiseyes, the way some white hairs were hidden on his trimmed beard and overall theway he looked at you, like you were a strange creature from another planet.

“Are you here because of your son?” heasked softly yet with a pinch of roughness, letting out a little coughafterwards. He reeked of cinder.

“I’d like to know if there’s anything he’sdoing wrong,” you replied, your eyes never leaving his as he rested his elbows onthe table. “Toshiro’s been telling me some… questionable things about the wayyou teach, and I would like to ask what the problem is. No teacher ever hadproblems with him and it’s been troubling us.”

There was no answer for a moment as hesighed and scratched his nape, and truly you wanted to get out of there as thetension grew by the second. “It’s… the kid’s good, he’s smart and strong,” hestarted, looking away to the opposite wall, and perhaps he knew fully well thenext part was something he should’ve kept private. “I don’t mean any harm tohim, I want him to grow great, I really do – but it’s the personal shit behindit that’s messing me up. I know it’s wrong though, so I want to st-”

“You’re putting personal issues over yourown students’ growth?” you asked, rage invading you as soon as the wordsslipped out of his mouth and sipped into your ears. You couldn’t even begin tounderstand how he had become so careless and even idiotic, letting his owntroubles get in the way of his teaching – you even wondered how he had landedthe job like this. “You know I willtalk with Nezu about this, right?”

He only nodded and turned his gaze back toyou as your scolding made his cheeks turn pink; he looked like a child in painand that made you turn the tone down, even if just a little bit. “You haveevery damn right to do so. I deserve it; I’m pretty sure they were going tofire me anyways,” he muttered almost absentmindedly, as if you couldn’t hearhim. “Look, I don’t want this to turn into a bigger thing than it needs to beand I planned on stopping for these last few days. He doesn’t need this kind oftreatment and I want him to know that he’s better than he thinks. Just like…his father, he tends to put himself down and I don’t like that. Just like I hatedit with Deku,” he explained, but you noticed how hard it was for him to talkabout Toshiro as Izuku’s son or how weird it felt to hear that dumb nicknamecoming from him once more. It felt like he had gotten stuck in a certain place,and you could tell how difficult it had become for him to truly get out.

“I don’t want this to turn any biggereither,” you said as you scratched your nape lightly not knowing what to dowith your hands anymore – you didn’t want to drag the conversation longer thanit needed to be either. Being in his presence made you feel like you’d soon getsucked into the void that had become Bakugou in your life again even if it wasn’texactly like before, and you couldn’t afford that kind of thing. You knewyourself well and you would’ve liked to help him had you known about hisproblems too, but you didn’t have the time or the will to do it. “Just… I don’twant to hear from Toshiro that you’ve been bothering him. If you leave himalone I won’t talk with anyone and this will just be over, and you can move onwith your life.”

He gave you the saddest look you’d everseen him pull off and for a moment it made your heart sink, but you remainedstrong, no matter how many things were running through your head now. He wasonly your past. Nodding, he made no attempt to keep on talking and you took itas a sign you could already leave, but as you got up and turned around to walktowards the door you stopped on your tracks as he spoke again softly. “Do you…”he started, his voice starting to crack a little bit. “Do you think we would’veever ended up like that too? Like you and… Izuku; I’ve always wondered aboutthat, if we would’ve been able to grow from things and be more together, have a family and all that.”

Turning around, you saw him with his face buriedon his hands and you recognized that the habit of hiding when doing something thatwas even the least embarrassing to him was still very present. With a sigh anda small smile on your lips, you couldn’t help but being honest. “I’ve neverwondered about that, because I knew that we would’ve never lasted togetherafter what happened. I wasn’t going to trust you again – it was bittersweet,yes, but it was what we needed and I’ve grown from it, and I think you shoulddo the same. The old Katsuki wouldn’t take kindly to what you’ve done toyourself, especially the cigarettes.”

Katsuki lifted his head to look at you fora split second before looking away again and closing his eyes, and before youleft for good you thought you’d seen the smallest tear falling from the cornerof his eye. You waited until you were back in your car to let go of your own, fallingsilently down your cheeks as ghosts of the past haunted you and opened doorsyou long ago thought had closed already, but your heart was unable to look backand welcome those feelings again. A nauseated feeling invaded you and, withlittle remorse for finally leaving the memories of Katsuki aside once and forall, you started the car and slowly revised the activities you had planned forthe day.

You were sure the routine would keep yourmind busy until you could fill it again with the happiness your new life hadgiven you for so long.

#bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha scenarios #bnha imagines #boku no hero scenarios #boku no hero imagines #mha #my hero academia #mha scenarios #mha imagines #my hero academia scenarios #my hero academia imagines #daily bnha #mine #midoriya izuku #bakugou katsuki #deku #darkseptigirl

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darlingsdevil · 5 years

Text

The Ballads of Rebirth (Arthur Morgan x Reader)

Chapter 10: And Miles to Go Before I Sleep

Masterlist

A/N: I love torturing you guys :)

Warnings: blood and violence

•••

It had been two days, two days after you had ran away from Lee’s home. You set up a small camp about four miles from the city, the wildlife was abundant so you had little trouble finding food. It took some getting used to the gamey meat and the tortuous action of hunting, it had been awhile since you had the need to hunt after all. The nights were mild, as summer was quickly approaching again. Just over a year ago you lived a completely different life, with completely different people, but now the main person in your old life had returned, disrupting the one you were currently building.

You tried not to think of Arthur or Lee, the wedding was 12 days away, and you were sure you would be back before then, but Lee would be furious with you. He had changed when Arthur arrived, it scared you to no end. He was vicious and jealous, nothing like the sweet and goofy Lee you knew.

Arthur was different too, but in a good way. He wasn’t overcome with illness and stress and you could see it in the short time you were with him. He held himself to a higher standard. There was so much to catch up on.

The woods were freeing and left you with lots of time to think. Perhaps you should have gone out farther, but truth be told, a part of you wanted to be caught. The woods were no place for a newly turned city girl, but your roots lie in the trees, as they always would.

You went fishing in a small creek with a makeshift spear. Survival activities were the only thing keeping you from boredom, no wonder you always went on odd jobs with Arthur while living in camp. There was nothing to do. Atleast your job with Lee kept you busy, it was fun work too.

The sun was high in the sky, it’s warmth radiated onto you and made the clear waters glisten in the rays. It was peaceful.. the perfect remedy for a jumbled mind. After missing a particularly large fish you threw your spear down with a thud. You sighed heavily, looking out towards the city.The creek was on higher ground, which overlooked the fields between you and Richfield, and then you noticed something in the distance.

Around fifteen men, clad in blue trotting along to your hideaway. They had bloodhounds too, expert tracker dogs, you would have to be smart to hide your scent. They looked to be about two miles out. The police were searching for you now, you had to be quick to hide. You knew Lee would send an army to find you, you were surprised Arthur hadn’t found you yet.

You cursed under your breath, you picked up your spear and knife that you kept hidden underneath your skirt, you quickly doused yourself in the water in hopes to lose a bit of your scent. You rushed to your temporary home, feeling the cold bite of your dampened clothes. You kicked dirt over the unlit bonfire, attempting to hide the charred timbers. Luckily, your camp was hidden behind a thicket of trees and was hard to spot and far off the main road. But there were tracks from the mud made during the storm, and hopefully they wouldn’t give you away just yet.

There was nowhere to hide that you new of, your best bet would be to cross the river you knew of that many travelers used to get into Richfield as it led to the pier. But the river was at least another two miles, you were unsure if you could outrun fifteen men on horseback. These men were police however, not manhunters, they wouldn’t find you as easily as a bounty hunter would. If it resorted to that, Lee would put a bounty on your head if they couldn’t find you, eventually. You wouldn’t drag it on that long, just enough to clear your head completely. Or perhaps it was just stubbornness.

You packed what little belongings you had in the satchel you had taken with you, and began sprinting towards, what you hoped, was the river. Pure adrenaline rushed through your veins as you understood the gravity of the situation.

It felt like forever as you ran, effortlessly avoiding the main trail, the brush of trees made it somewhat difficult to follow but you still managed. The further you went into the forest, the darker it got. It was silently eerie, the only sound was the crunching of the forest floor underneath your feet.

Suddenly you came to a formation of rocks as the land delved upwards again. There was a small opening, hidden by a tree. A cave! You had no time to fret, it was the perfect hiding spot, even though the river was your best shot, you couldn’t outrun that many men, especially as your breath had ran out half a mile ago.

Upon further inspection, you realized that the small ‘opening’ was actually rather large but was well hidden. You snuck in, quietly, hoping to wait out the men and the dogs. You were still soaked, just ran a mile and a half, ran through the forest while tripping over fallen logs and roots and now you were in a smelly cave. Perhaps you should have just stayed home.

You walked about twenty feet into the cave, it was much longer than you would have expected and seemed to go further down, possibly leading to an underground cave system. It stunk of festering flesh, like something had died here recently, you decided not to venture further. There was a large boulder to hide behind, you could still see the entrance clearly.

•••

It was around an hour before you heard the far off howling of the hounds and shouts from the men. You held your breath, waiting for them to pass you, you clutched your knife tightly, in case any of the men, if they did find you, had any funny ideas.

Your name was shouted multiple times followed by “where are you?”. You were silent, frozen, and watching the entrance with attentive eyes.

Ten minutes later, and they were near right outside the cave. You mentally cursed yourself, those dogs would find you. The men wouldn’t venture into the cave but the dogs sure would.

You heard the police officers shouting to one another, stating that the trail had ended around here.

A dog walked past your hidden cave, and you froze. It’s muzzle sniffed along the ground, it’s ears flopping against the dirt.

It had gotten darker out, the sun nearly setting. They would be stupid to not turn back for the night if they didn’t find you, but the odds were greatly against you, you were sure you would be found.

The howling of wolves saved you.

The men began cursing, pulling out their rifles. The dog outside your cave became spooked, barking rapidly, it’s tail in a defensive stance. The horses whinnied, and soon enough you heard them galloping away, terrified. Gunshots pierced the air, making you jump in your place.

A wolf whimpered, another shot dead from what you heard. Then another, and one more. The men began retreating as the remaining wolf did too. The police officers would have to find the bloodhounds, horses and you now.

But then it dawned on you.

The festering smell, a large cave, a pack of wolves.

You were in a wolf den.

The wolf retreated into the cave, it stuck its nose up and sniffed the air.

You clutched your knife so tightly that your knuckles were white. You had fought off wolves before, with guns, never with a knife. It was only one wolf, you had somewhat decent chances, but you were rusty from a year of no practice.

The wolf bared its teeth after smelling you in the cave. It began running towards your boulder, you jumped out from the rock as it barreled towards you, the silver glint of the knife mirroring the vicious teeth of the wolf. It was a large gray wolf, possibly the alpha.

The wolf tackled you to the ground, it’s heavy paws pining you to the floor, it tried to take a bite out of your neck with its strong jaw, but you held back its face with your arm.

It growled against you, you stabbed it in the side as you struggled to get out of from its grip. Its paws dug into your chest, making you grunt in pain.

The wolf snapped at your neck, it was too strong for you, you had to act quickly. You stabbed the wolf again, this time deeper into its side. It whimpered in pain but still fought you. The knife became slippery with blood, and it felt from your hand.

You immediately reached for the knife that clattered to the rocky ground. The wolf took its chance and bit you in the arm, you screamed in pain as you fought it off.

You used your last remaining bit of strength to kick it in its side, where you had stabbed it twice. It only faltered for a moment, and was instantly on you in another.

The knife was just barely out of reach, your fingertips nearly touching the blade. The dog shifted, and you were able to grasp the knife.

You stabbed it blindly. Again and again.

The wolf fell off you with a thud. Its whimpers slowly died out.

Blood pooled from your chest in arm, where it tore flesh.

That was a lot of blood.

Your mind still raced with instinct, your breathing had not yet slowed down.

It would be so easy to just stay here.

Maybe someone would find you.

No. If you stopped to rest you would die from blood loss. You had seen it take other people before, it would not take you.

You ripped a piece of your skirt to make a tourniquet. It could only be applied to your arm, there were too many holes in your chest to stop it all. You tied the fabric tightly around your arm, it hurt awfully.

Your picked up your knife, slowly making your way to the entrance of the cave. It was much darker now.

The air was colder than it had been during the day. You shivered against the cold. The main trail was east, or perhaps west of the cave.

Your feet became tired as blood continued to pour out of you..

After a few minutes your body threatened to give out.. you could see the trail now despite your blurred vision. It was closer now.

Black clouded the corners of your vision, you were only a few feet away.

You stumbled over something, and you fell to the ground. It would be so easy to just lie here.

You used your good arm to crawl towards the road. It hurt terribly. Your good arm became bloodied too as the forest floor cut into your skin.

The road was right there.

You had made it.

You let your body sprawl across the dirt trail.

The sky was a brilliant shade of blue. Stars sewed into the dark sky.

Your eyes slowly fell as the blood continued to pool around your battered body.

The unknown spread across your body.

You were allowed to rest now.

#tbor

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s-nayak-93 · 5 years

Text

This petition has put the Actors of GoT in a spot, unfairly

The actors can neither alienate their fans or invalidate their feelings by speaking out against the Petition,

nor can they risk losing potential future projects, now that they've made peace with this series and the way their character arcs were rounded off, by standing against powerful White men of HBO and D & D.

Imagine how badly this reflects on the actors and the crew members (pre-production, post-production) and marketing teams and others and even Bryan Cogman when there's a partition against an entire effin series and not just D & D (the Rich, White men who, a year ago would've launched a show on "Confederates" of all things, if it weren't for unanimous protest online against this show. There ARE other ways to protest/ petition - hit them where it hurt the most - their next projects).

Not every actor is K-H, who would say "fu*k you" to the viewers yet have an assurance of several projects lining up outside their doors.

They're far more attached to these characters than we are! Their interest goes beyond 'stan-ing' a certain character out of the entire series, or shipping wars. They've put hours and years into their characters. They turned up on shooting days, fighting through their illness and mental health. They've lived with these characters, internalising their emotions and psychological aspects, putting those on screen in a manner that is relatable to audience (& often they didn't have much subtext on their scripts - when written by D & D to work with - read that interview by Iain Glen). They're far more protective of their characters than we are!

We see the finished product of months of hard work of cast and crew! And Bryan Cogman!

And this Petition is such a disrespect, a fuck-you in their face when they fought for you!

And think for a moment what these actors have been put through:

Lena Heady: she struggled with Anxiety and Depression, as far as I know, yet gave her 100% to the series 8, even though she hated how her character was rounded off. She had "long conversations" (read arguments) with the Writers - D & D- about several aspects of her storyline this season. Both Nikolaj and Pilou had to convince her to go along with it when she especially hated the physical relationship that was portrayed between her and E. Greyjoy.

Emilia : she had to fight through illness, TWICE, in the last ten years, yet remained dedicated to her character. I loathe the White Saviour trope they used to justify certain plotlines, but as an actor she gave it her best. She's reportedly stated that she walked around London, numb, for hours after she finished reading the last two ep scripts.

Nikolaj : This guy, the Captain of our Braimie ship, has been arguing over several plot points that his character undertook, since season 4! For years! Time and time again. Has been gone on record stating it in several interviews, each time getting a suggest 'we don't care, f*** you, just say the lines and so-d off* from D & D, yet gave it his all. You can't fault him in any scene where he didn't act his heart out!

Gwendoline: she's always drawn the short end of the deal in the acting industry. Her talent, her acting prowess is overlooked. She's recruited mainly and perhaps only when her physicality matches a certain character in the show. She's waited years for a role like this where she could own scenes and be recognized for her acting talent. When she read the scripts of episode 4 and the rest, she was so disheartened that she take a walk before she could find it in herself to make sense of the arc. And her character was the one that was mercilessly cast aside, torn apart. Imagine how she must have felt! Yet she's a pro, you know. Showed up and acted the hell out of her scenes!

Conleth : He's a superb actor and he was so disheartened by the way in which his character was concluded, he goes in record saying that he took it extremely personally. Yet his last scene was moving. He didn't let his audience down in the acting department!

And so on and so forth! So many actors, who have lived with these characters for a decade now, fighting through emotional, physical and psychological issues to give their best in every bloody scene, had to do night shoots upon night shoots in those War scenes, flying off from one space to another, etc,

and these "stans" put them in a tight spot disregarding and disrespecting all their hardwork for years on end!

Don't even get me started on the years of hardworking of pre production, post production crew members and digital/CGI and marketing teams!

Don't mock their toil and blood because your one character wasn't fleshed out when every character was shitted upon by D & D.

There are other ways of shaming the Writers - D & D. See what viewers did to cancel the Racist show on Confederates these guys about to pull off. Don't bring actors and crew into this crossfire.

A remake, by default, would include rest of the cast and crew members. The very ones who had no say in this shitty writing yet had to give their best with whatever material was given to them. And they did, above and beyond that.

Even if you throw in some lines about how much you praise their efforts, such a petition invariably brings them into the ambit of the criticism and the demands of remake that the Petition aims at.

This petition has made a mockery of so many people's efforts while it gave a perfect excuse to D & D (who are now seen as 'victims' hounded by whiny fans) to hide their failures behind.

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condemnthem · 4 years

Text

i was sent testimony from someone who wishes to remain anonymous. speaking with others involved i can confirm this testimony is credible. this backs up claims others have made about ludo, and shows further his use of “mental illness” as a weapon.

My Testimonial

I’ve been off rp for a little while, but when I heard about this, my first thought was that I have to add additional validity to the things being said about Damien/Ludo. Luckily, I did not receive the worst of it because I shut that shit down almost immediately and Damien has proven to be a scared little chihuahua who acts big but recoils as soon as he’s given a piece of his own bullshit. I’m sure he’ll know exactly who I am, and the only reason I won’t post this publicly is because I honestly do not wish to deal with him harassing any of my socials.

I was in that former RPG with Damien, and if anything, I wanted to shut all assumptions and lies down. Prior to joining, I’d heard plenty of shit regarding said RPG, and after Damien’s departure, I’d come to learn that the people who talk shit about it are just whiny children who are angry they weren’t exceptions to the rules clearly posted.

When I signed the waitlist, Damien approached me with a secret sister role via messages. He came off as very nice, and I was still figuring my character out, so I thought it would be even nicer to come in with an established connection. He connected me to all the right people to talk to, and I was pretty impressed with the welcoming atmosphere right off the bat. He stated the only thing that was set in stone was 1) her place of birth and 2) her profession, and 3) that she was his long lost sister, and that anything else (storyline, additional relationships, playby) were all completely up to me. I don’t like filling roles because I hate being told what to do creative-wise, but he seemed to be pretty open-minded minus trying to sway me away from my playby choices with ugly tattooed chicks.

The first couple of weeks were okay. I realized there were a few people in the RPG that I’d known for a while, and when they realized what my role entailed, they warned me not to let Damien control me, because it was what he did with other people as well as LI’s and that was why certain people hated him within the group. I’d also been informed that he had been banned and snuck back into the group, and it had taken O (I’ll say O for Owner and L for the LI Damien later gaslighted who is now with O) some time before realizing it was him, but let him stay because despite outside opinion by pissy former members, O is actually pretty reasonable.

I tend to be a very bendy person, and don’t like upsetting people around me, so when Damien first started getting pissy if I didn’t answer within two minutes, I tried to be nice and apologize with whatever excuse I had. But I also have a limit when I am being hounded constantly for attention when I had enough to deal with in my real life. I was also aware that one of his LI’s (also a taken role) had left because of his annoying neediness, and that the LI he was with (who I’d become best friends with) was dealing with the same annoying hounding for attention. She tried to be nice about it to not hurt his feelings, and didn’t show me receipts, but the story had become pretty commonplace at that point. I’d also been warned about his need for attention and lack of boundaries. I made it very clear on many occasions that I hate talking about rl, and frankly do not care about what anyone else is dealing with irl because I’m constantly dealing with my own shit. I ALSO suffer from the same disorder as Damien and it has never occurred to me to use that excuse for shitty behavior. If I felt the need to dissociate, I simply disappeared rather than taking it out on others around me.

I really tried to make that role work for me because the character was all mine and I loved her, and mused her pretty hard. Damien started attempting to control my attempts at changing playbys by stating they didn’t look like him (fyi, Hayley Williams, Hannah Pixie, and Dua Lipa don’t look like Yungblud either). He’d get annoyed if I wasn’t around to do blast activities with him. My last straw was when I took a one week hiatus for some stuff I was dealing with irl and was only really speaking to someone I had an almost-LI ship with. Damien CAME at me, asking why I was ignoring him for this person and I lost it, stating that I was on hiatus and didn’t owe him any of my fucking time, and that I hate being hounded for attention. He immediately backed down like the pussy he really is when he realized he couldn’t control me, and apologized saying he has that disorder and abandonment issues. And I very nicely said I didn’t care about that, because it’s none of my business, and that I suffered from the same mental disorder and didn’t take it out on people as a result because I’m an adult.

I decided to leave the group and come back as another character. That was when he was dating L, the person who came forward a few times in the posts below. L and I have some basic stuff in common (musicals, whatever), and we’d fan girl over them in statuses, and Damien would clearly be very pissy about it. When I left the group again, he blocked me everywhere, and then when he saw I was returning yet again, he messaged me saying he was excited and that he was sorry for deleting me because he was “being petty and immature.” I acted like it wasn’t a big deal because I try to be civil with group members to foster a healthy atmosphere, but I wanted to avoid him at all costs because he’s a toxic person. When I approached him with a storyline idea, he said he was capped (he’s never capped because he wants to rope everyone in on his bullshit, but I assumed it was because he secretly hated me, which I was totally cool with because it meant I didn’t have to talk to him) and a few weeks later, he was kicked from the group.

I was still with RPG when he was booted, and everyone of the things the Owner said below is valid. I’d been told by more than one person that Damien would give them shit for something as simple as liking statuses and would try to polarize people from other members of the group. His obsession with staying in that group despite hating it is honestly the dumbest shit ever, and the fact that he allegedly stated for an LI shows how pathetic he really is. But truly, he’d snuck back in despite being banned, so what does that say about him?

He started getting pissy because he wasn’t allowed to do shit that were clearly stated as being against the rules. He kept adding nonsensical, impossible storylines to Damien to focus all the drama on himself. When I joined the first time, Damien was just a baker who’d been abandoned by his mother, and had a serial killer father. By the time he left, he had like, 3 long-lost siblings, was apparently involved in sex trafficking, spent some years in a psych ward, and was also a semi-popular musician despite being confined to the RPG’s town. O is honestly a very understanding owner, but refuses to be taken advantage of, and Damien didn’t like that.

But the catalyst was his harassment of someone via Snapchat for simply liking O’s status or something of that nature. She approached him with this information, and gave him a chance to explain his side, but he avoided her for quite some time (because, as I stated, he’s a little bitch) and when she finally gave him an ultimatum, he came at her stating that she was a shitty owner and everyone hated her, etc. etc. and trying his darned best to make it his mic-drop moment when really he was being an irrational idiot. He was really just mad that O didn’t let him do whatever the hell he wanted, and made it seem like that made her a tyrant. Imagine being in a group and signing rules that have made it work for several years at this point, only to think you are above them.

His current LI in his RPG was a former member of this RPG as his sister role after I left and I’d confided in her the things I��d dealt with, and she seemed to agree that he WAS controlling. Funny that despite this, she chose to follow suit (likely being manipulated by him) and join Ludo’s group anyway. When he made his current group, it was also no secret that he’d give people shit for not leaving RPG for his, despite all the bullshit he spews about being drama-free and not talking poorly about other groups.

I’m happy I never gave Damien my rl information, but I’d seen receipts of him harassing people on rl social media on more than one occasion. The most he did was try to give me a sample of his sub-par music that I didn’t listen to because, as I stated, real life conversation makes me cringe. Every one of the things said below share a common narrative, and I don’t know how anyone can fall for Damien’s bullshit to this day, but whatever.

Damien, do better and stop blaming your issues on your trauma. I’ve tried to become a better person IN SPITE of mine. The way you gaslight and use people is disgusting, and I think it displays issues beyond what life as dealt you.

p.s. I’m sorry if this is kind of all over the place, I sent it via mobile and didn’t look back to fix any typos and such.

xoxo, Someone who didn’t fall for his bullshit. Cheers.

#testimony #ludo #you're good! thank you so much for this testimony #and thank you for sharing your story

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vigerous-anus · 5 years

Text

An open letter to my abusive mother.

Mom. - This has been the longest we've gone without talking. This is the longest we've ever been apart. It's also the farthest in distance we've ever been apart. I made the conscious decision to draw clear boundaries for the first time. It looks like I'm doing all sorts of new things on my own, huh? It's funny, because you always acted like I never could. Why is it, mom; that even though you always said I could do whatever I wanted in life I always felt undercut and put down? Why is it I always felt less than my sister, even though you said you harbor no favoritism? On that note, why is it that you were so obsessive about the subject of favoritism? You always brought it up even if it wasn't bothering her and I. It's almost like you have a guilty conscience. Sorry for the bitter notes, but I'm just trying to understand.

Mom. - We used to be so close. At least I thought we were. Even though you never stopped your husband... Even though you enabled him for 11 years in abusing me and the animals... I still trusted you with everything I am. I still leaned on you and looked to you for direction. It was only when my sister and I were trying to find a ride out of the house that night your husband was threatening suicide that I began to notice how sick you are. You were chasing him around comforting him, when you should have been there with my sister and I. You should have been comforting your wailing and terrified daughter. Yet it was I who took that role. It was I who stood up and asked for help. It was I who took her hand and led her out of the fire. Mom. - That was your job. You didn't even blink twice when I told you her and I were leaving for the night. Instead you told me to be quiet so he wouldn't hear us leaving. You were protecting yourself, so you wouldn't get yelled at. You were trying to shelter him, so he'd calm down and not hurt himself. Mom. - You texted me later that night and said everything was fixed and you and him were happier than you'd ever been. You then told my sister and I the next day how happy you were he had, ''changed''. You got angry at me and mocked me when I was disgusted with your nonchalance. You gave me an ''apology'' later that night. It was moreso you justifying your feelings and how you had a just reason to pop off on me, rather than a genuine apology. You told me he said he didn't hate me but that you knew he did. You also said he told you he'd try harder to be a better person. I told you we'd all see the day he put down the act. Tell me, mom. - How could your world revolve around someone you knew full well hated me? You saw the hell he put me through every single day and you did nothing. You sat idely in the back.

Mom. - I remember when the abuse first started. We had beef stew that night. We were watching top 10 deadly creatures on the science channel. Your husband accused me of eating raw sugar out of his sugar container. I told him I hadn't been. He accused me of lying and he yelled at me. It seems like such a small thing, but he was filled with such vile hatred that night. My trust was broken. I remember being so confused because he hadn't acted that way to me prior. I had loved him and trusted him. You told me you knew I'd done it because my sister ''wouldn't do that''.

Mom.- When I was 12 and my mental illnesses developed... When I told you I felt that my sister was being favorited over me... You acted like I was crazy. YOU asked ME at 12 years old if YOU should ''put me away''. When your husband suggested I was going to give you a heartattack and he forced me to google how stress causes heartattacks in your age group, you sat there in silence. When your husband forced me to do yardwork for hours to ''toughen out'' the depression, you sent me out rake in hand. It took years for you to truly understand and get me the help I needed.

Mom. - I remember the day I brought the abuse to your attention. I was about 14. We were getting food for the animals. It was raining. He, for no reason, went off on me about something. When we got home that afternoon you and I were unloading hay in the barn. You begged me to tell you what was bothering me. I was terrified, but for the first time ever I confided in you about the abuse. I told you that I felt he was abusing me. You told me that abuse is a strong word to use, but you knew he was mean. I remember that day so well, because you undercut me in that moment. You begged me to confide in you. I put all of my courage together, and yet you invalidated everything I said to you.

Mom. - When you found out I had been selfharming and eating 400 calories a day because of the abuse, you told me that was better than me killing myself. How did it not give you any redflags? How did it not terrify you that I was in my room making myself bleed? How did it not terrify you that I was restricting food when I love food? On that note, to this day how is it ok for you to always hound me about my weight even though you know how much I struggle with it? Why would you want to push me to check the scale even though I told you it triggers those unhealthy tendencies? I remember the day I was laying next to you on the bed in a cheaha cabin. You told me you could feel my ribs, and it made my entire week. I see photos of myself during that time, and I envy what I used to look like compared to now. You do not make that easier on me, mom. - My scars made you sad, but you'd always repeat the notion that it was better than me killing myself. Mom. - That's like saying being an alcoholic is better than being a heroin addict.

Mom. - You had me record your fetish work when I was a minor. I was barely into my teens. You asked me to tell you if it made me uncomfortable, but that wasn't up to me. You should have kept your business your business. You shouldn't have told me your crazy sex stories. You shouldn't have overshared to my sister and I through the years. You shouldn't have incorperated me into it. You shouldn't have used me as help. Because of you, my views on sex are very warped. I feel extreme dysmorphia towards my own body. Somedays, I don't even want to be in it. I can't imagine showing it to anyone else. You never gave me sex-ed. You bought me books you hadn't even looked through yourself. This last year you hounded me more than you had before about getting started into the fetish work. You told me my anxiety was to bad for a ''real job''. I know you were scared I wouldn't make it, but you were the one who constantly undercut me. You blamed me for my exaustion. You blamed me for sleeping all day. You blamed it on my food patterns. You blamed it on my lack of working out. You never stopped to think I should go to a physician. When I told you it was from the abuse and depression, you just gave me two extra vitamins and 30 extra minutes before I took care of the farm I didn't ask for, and let alone mainly by myself.

Mom. - When I decided I wanted to be a CNA, you warned me it was an impossible job. I told you I felt called to it. I went to school for it, and every day I got home you asked me if I was sure I should really be doing this. When I told you I thought I couldn't finish my final exams, you told me of course I could. When I graduated I worked a grueling 5 months as a CNA. When you saw me having panic attacks every other hour, you told me you didn't know how to help but that I couldn't quit because every job would be like this. You made me believe it was me, not the job. You told me if I quit the abuse would start again. You told me your husband would be so disappointed in me. I kept on for another two weeks. The DON told me I needed to resign because she was scared I'd kill myself if I continued longterm. I told her I was terrified because your husband would be mad. She asked me if he was usually mean to me. I had to lie and tell her no, he just has high expectations. I quit that night relieved but terrified. I felt like the biggest disappointment and you both acted like I was. My sister cried to you and told you it wasn't worth my life for me to continue the job. That should have been enough, mom. You didn't even listen to her.

Mom. - You have told me throughout the 11 years I was abused you would never take back marrying your husband. You told me that God set it up, so you knew there was a ''purpose'' in my abuse. You told me October of 2019, after your husband died that you could tell I was happier and doing better. You proceeded to tell me if you could go back, you'd do it all again because you can't live without him. Mom. - How do you think it felt to have you tell me you would place that burden right back on my shoulders in one heartbeat given the chance? That was the moment, mom... Wherein I knew I couldn't trust you. While we're on the subject, mom... That day we all drove a few cities over, you talked the entire car ride how your husband was a beautiful soul and how he's in heaven and he always wanted to help everyone he came across. You talked about what a ''great dad'' he was to Heather, and a ''great husband'' to you. I ignored you the entire car ride, seething in anger and steeped in a feeling of betrayal. You kept trying to get me to talk to you about what was bothering me. I didn't tell you, but you guessed it on your own. You told me, ''I know this isn't what you want to hear and it'll make you unhappy, but if this is about me talking about my husband then I'm sorry but I'm not going to stop.'' All in a few weeks, mom... You made it clear to me what I felt all along. As long as you're happy, it doesn't matter how it effects me.

Mom.- I didn't ask to be born. I didn't ask for you to put me in that situation. You always complained to me how you were ''caught in the middle''. Mom.- Nobody put you in the middle except for yourself. When it's between your husband who's abusing your daughter, and your daughter... You choose your daughter. You never chose me. When you did speak up for me, it was cut short and you didn't follow up with it hardly ever. You always let me know when you did it, as if you deserved a trophy for actually saying something in my favor. You said you loved everything about him. How can you diss all of the friends who stabbed me in the back, but not your husband who hated me more than them? How can you diss the church leaders who abused me when what they did is so similar to what he did to me, yet go home and have your world revolve around him? How can you do that and expect me to feel your love, mom? It's no wonder you had mercy for Denise. You related to the blind loyalty she has to her husband, even over me.

Mom.- You watched me tremble in fear. You watched my memory dissolve through the years. You watched me get suicidal. You watched me sleep all day. You watched me hurt myself. You saw me barely surviving and yet you never intervened. I always thought that someday... Someday he'll push it to far and you'll leave him. That hope left me that day you told me you'd never leave him no matter what he did or didn't do. You stayed true to that. If he didn't die, I'd still be dealing with the abuse, mom. I didn't know how long I was going to be able to just run off of basic survival mode, mom. His death saved my life, and ruined yours. It's no wonder you have such an internal conflict. You know what disgusts me? If I sent this to you, you wouldn't read it. You would make someone else read it or you'd delete it. You'll sit on the computer for hours telling me how unhealthy I am and how that's because of my weight and the lack of leafy greens in my diet. Yet, mom; You won't listen to the actual problems when I bring them to you. I didn't try to run you off that day I sent you the last text message you recieved. I wanted to talk peacefully. I didn't answer your call because I knew you'd fight and I didn't want our latest call to be of us fighting. I still wonder to this day if you even went back to read that message I sent you after you kicked me out. You never listen, mom.

Mom.- I forgave you for not properly schooling me, but the fact you did the same exact thing to my sister is beyond me. How could you neglect her so much while also favoring her? She has zero life skills at 16 years old because of you. She, like me when I was 16 years old; doesn't know basic math because of you. I fear of you getting arrested for that, mom. In the end though, I have my sisters best interest at heart. You made your decisions. You took your chances. That was your decision, not mine.

Mom.- It feels so weird that you don't know I've had an ER visit and multiple doctors appointments. When I was in the ER, all I could think about was that you should be there. You should know. It just isn't right, but again... That isn't my fault. You did this to yourself. It feels so odd that you don't know I'm on medications. It feels odd you don't know about my progress and achievements. It's weird to think you don't know where I am. Mom.- In that email you sent me, you didn't even ask me if I'm ok. If I'm homeless, or where I'm staying. I can't seem to put the pieces of the puzzle you scattered into place, but I'm trying.

Mom.- My main thought through the abuse and even now is that I just want happiness. There is so much from my childhood I am looking at through new eyes, and if I put it all down once I remembered it all, I'd have enough for a trilogy. Mom, I have gained my freedom and I'm on the road to true peace and joy in my life. But mom; I want happiness for you. After all you've done, after all you will still do, and even after that email you sent me on Christmas, I just want you to be happy and free. I saw how much he strangled you inside. He held us all down under an iron fist, and yes you let him... But I still just want happiness for you. I often think of who you were as a teenager and young adult. Or, what you told me you were like. I want you to have that peace back. I want you to have that strength back. The diginity you had then, I want you to have now. I want you to remember how to be a human being without someone else's help. I want you to raise my sister properly. I want you to give her proper education and resources. I want you to give her a license and a car. I want you to help her spread her wings. I want all three of us to be united someday, healthy and truly free. At this point, I don't know if you'll live long enough for that to happen between your alcoholic tendencies and reckless decisions. Mom.- I have to live my life regardless to what you decide to do. I just hope you wake up before it's to late.

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