#and it like. actually causes problems! it causes distress! it fucks up my life!

[nexus-nebulae]

i hate when you're like. so aware that a delusion is a delusion. you know its a delusion. you know its not really what's going on. but you still can't convince your brain otherwise

[lukaherehelp]

Playboyy EP3 - Sacrificing Yourself

okey had my girl dinner, I'm going in!

Just like I did last week, instead of a full commentary, we are going through some pointers, which are A LOT in this third episode.

So!

Ladies, gentlemen and nonbinary dieties, we can all take the clown makeup off, we can leave the river Denial, it was roleplay!

I swear motherfuckers I spend the whole week in distressed thinking this was for real, you assholes! You are still the cutest tho

Let's start with them, shall we?

Soong & First

We dodge the bullet of Soong being an actual psyco and jump into "problems in paradise" which FAIR, cause we've barely seen any communication between this two for this first two episodes. Mind you, it could have being off screen, this roleplay adventures had to be talked about at some point... But I feel like that was the extent of their communication.

I want to remind y'all that the Baddie Bunch is a group of young rich kids (all of them are 21), so the Playboyys are bound to have much higher street smarts and wisdom when it comes to life that the twinks. Soong, in specific, is 3 years older than First.

Why am I remarking this? Because First is clearly drunk in love with Soong but his "love" for him is purely based on them being sexually compatible. Is there anything else that they enjoy apart from rough sex? We don't know, fuck I don't even think they know!

And that's were the whole "we can have normal sex for once?!" thing comes from. Soong seems to like First back, to the point of allowing this now broke kid to stay with him even tho he can barely provide for the two of them. That's also the reason why Soong probably is taking more clients than before, even if that means spendid less time with First and paying less attention to him. First calling him a leech when First is now the leech was so ironic...

But First is so drunk on love that he cannot compute Soong not being there with him physically and mentally 24/7. Again, this kid lived in a golden cage for 21 years of his life, he thinks he knows but doesn't know shit about how real life works, even less so when you are at the lower ranks.

If they want to work out, First needs to have a reality check and grow up, learn that a relationship like the one he wants cannot be based soly on roleplay. And learn that life outside his cage is tough and requires "sacrifices".

Staying with them for another second, we need to talk about this:

Now, we are going wild. Rightfully so, this is the first hint we get that is not attached to Nont's investigation. So I wanna throw my two cents about it:

I don't think this is hinting that Soong was involved in whatever happend to Nant. You see, we have being especulating about Nant doing sex work, obviously, but I don't think he ever actually worked at Playboyy at any point. In any case, I don't think this scene hints at that.

My theory is that he probably was doing sex work in a room in the same apartment building where Soong lives. Could have being during one of the first sessions with Dog Man or maybe another client that went way too far. Either way, my two cents is that Soong probably met Nant after aiding him against a problematic client and that's why First crying in distress triggerd the memory: Nant seems like he's pleading, so maybe he thought Soong would rat him out, not knowing that Soong is also a sex worker.

He could have also asked Soong to not tell anybody about what happend, scared that his "secret life" would come out. I'm staying in that theory for now.

We don't have much about this two afterwards: Soong missing First and First being angry and heartbroken about the whole ordeal. So yeah, moving on!

Now, to the Lovebirds™

Teena & Zouey

Oh lord this was hard to watch... But let's talk about it.

Everything starts good, everything gucci. Teena is acting like a "top-tier" boyfriend see what I did there to Zouey even in front of the Baddie Bunch.

And then we get them being cute in private. You know, cuddleling, kiking about Zouey's friends where did I hear the "do you care about my friends?" line before /s. You know, boyfie behaviour... although they are not dating. Nothing wrong about that. All good.

Things start to fall apart as soon as this two sit up and Zouey goes "be my boyfriend! I'm ready to have sex now!". Oh lord.

Zouey clearly likes Teena and wants to be with him. And Teena also seems to like Zouey back. The thing is, due to the Baddie Bunch, Zouey has gotten this unspoken idea (to us) in his mind that to keep Teena, to be his boyfriend, they have to sleep together. But as much as he "thinks" he is ready, Teena and us clearly see that he is not. Teena tells him again that they don't need to have sex, that he doesn't need to "sacrifice himself" for them to be together.

But Zouey pushes through, saying that he "is in the mood", that Teena has "succeeded in making Zouey want him". Baby boy, you have been wanting this man since you first layed eyes on him, you are just cautious, which I applaud you for. But, with a second assertion from Zoueys part, we have Teena taking the lead and being sweet and slowly easing Zouey into what's about to happen:

picking him up to sit him on his lap while he kisses Zouey's temple

observing how Zouey is still cautiolsy touching him

the tiny kiss to the nose

Teena spends the whole time reasuring Zouey that he would not mock him, he knows how inexperienced Zouey is. He's making sure Zouey feels save.

Now, the downfall starts the moment Teena introduces a safe word. Which is always a good thing to have, but no to relay on solely with a first timer, buddy. also wanna point out how I kept singing red lights by skz everytime teena said red light because I'm that unserious

So, when we are "at the gates" of this taking further, hell breaks loose. Zouey asks Teena to go one step further but quickly regrets it. Now, I'm a girly that firmly believes that anything apart from a yes is a no, so Teena being a little pushy after Zouey shows discomfort already made me go nah uh buddy, but I can see where Teena is coming from...?

Zouey is freaking out, as he has done many times and is trying to make him relax again... but it doesn't work. And that's when the unfortunate phrase comes in:

" If we're going to be a couple, we'll have to do this someday. "

First of all, bullshit. You can have a serious relationship with somebody without the need of getting sexual. HOWEVER, and I can't believe I'm about to say this, I have to side with Teena here for a second.

HEAR ME OUT BEFORE THROWING STONES AT ME! Their relationship has being highly sexual from day one, period. Does that mean that the prospect of taking it all the way someday is there? It doesn't... But Zouey did start this encounter with "be my boyfriend! I'm ready to have sex now!". He's the one that put out there that if they date they will get intimate, not Teena.

Now, it wasn't fortunate from Teena's part to be "we should just do it" as if they were treating this like it was a fear to bungee jumping.

And Zouey, again, uses words that have never came from Teena's mouth (that we know of) to express his discomfort with the situation. Yes, Teena said that they didn't need to have sex if Zouey didn't want to. But Teena never said that they couldn't date because they didn't have sex. That last part, has only happend on Zoueys head. And why? Because that's what he has being hearing from the Baddie Bunch.

The scene ends with Zouey asking Teena to leave and Teena, not wanting to upset Zouey any further, going along with his request.

The last we see on the matter is Zouey and First day drinking at uni (god, I miss sneaking beers into art school lmao) while they compare their heartbreak and talk about abuse and consent. That's a whole post on its own and I still have another two couples to talk about to we closing here.

NEXT!

Keen & Captain

Lord baby jesus, we starting strong with this couple.

That "test" to join the rugby team: fuckin disgusting, I hate men. I don't care if it was for the hahas, nah uh. I'm leaving the gym. Fuck this team. But the team being homophobic... Are we surprised? Maybe is my own experience talking, but I didn't expect less from an sports team of a private university lmao

To light up this post a little, I gotta say: couples that share kinks stay together, so that in my eyes makes KeenCaptain endgame no matter the drama that the future holds for us. I'm going back to Delululand.

They are already giving me Brat Captain and I'm thriving, I signed up for this and I'm getting my moneys worth. Also this:

*fourthreactingtotheearthmixearbiteinthemoonlightchickentrailer.gif*

This sneaky little bitch is recording it and, again, are we surprised, we already knew that was going to happen. WHAT I DIDN'T EXPECT was Captain already releasing the fuckin think and hilariously backfiring on him a comedy I tell you. I fear that tape might get out of the confitment of the rugby team and get Keen, whoms both the team captain AND coach, in deep shit. However, I cannot wait to see what Captain will do with the wig and makeup he requested from Nont.

ANOTHER THING before I get into the last couple:

the gasp I gasped, y'all. Kaya, remind me this weekend to make the kiss/fuck count post, I feel like we are going to need another graphic by the end of this series.

ANYGAY, TO THE JUICE PART OF THIS MYSTERY:

Prom & Nont

Nont is slipping, bruh. To a degree and at a speed I'm starting to get stressed.

Almost getting caught by Captain when he's threatening Phop with penknife, asking for the wrong drink at the house, the accidental slap to Zouey and how not in control he is everytime he's with Prom when he clearly doesn't have ANY control on the situation. Honey, you pretty face and cunty ass is not going to work with Master, sorry to break this to you.

That being said, let's focus on the investigation:

Phop had Nant's laptop but is not truly clear to us where he got it since they got interrupted by Captain before Phop could spill the beans.

Nant was obviously doing webcam.

Now, tell me why Nont is adamant that the person that threw the laptop away was Nant's boyfriend? When did we stablished that Nant had a boyfriend? Nont fits right in into this friend group, another clueless boy that lived in a golden cage and is now seeing the darker side of the world.

the name here is Nant's btw

Here we are introduced with Nuth whom let me pull my guide real quick is described as:

Nuth dreams of becoming a sucessful film director one day, but with the lost of a family member, he has become introverted, depressed and unmotivated, making him currently unemployed. This has made him dive head first into the world of webcam. [...]

Nont, whom clearly has a modus operandi with his way of investigating, jumps right into creating his own account in the webcam site and getting in contact with Nuth after seeing that Nuth and Nant used to text throw the website.

Now, Nuth points out some of his fantasies to Nont:

" Meeting strangers, having sex with twins in a small room, the twins make out and lick all over my body, I wear a mask and I'll make them moan like a dog with the camera on. "

Sounds exactly like Dog Man, doesn't it? Way too soon to be suspicious of him tho, so I'm also putting this under the category of red herring. Nuth does panick the moment he sees Nont's face and blocks him, but I'm not speaking on that for now. Too many posibilities.

With Captain's help, Nont is able to recover the video of Nant with Dog Man and I guess he indeed gets stabbed in the video. I cannot imagine what that has to be like. Seeing something so horrible happen to someone that looks exactly like you... But I guess is not a deadly wound since Nont keeps assuming that Nant is not dead? He could be in denial, that too.

Nont, however, still in the mood to go see Master Prom and I cannot blame him and my brother keeps sliping in front of this man whom clearly knows that he's being lied too but clearly is having fun seeing Nont trip on his feet.

"You used to hate it here", "I had to convince you to come", "I thought you've changed enough to drink wine"... Prom is us, we are Prom. We sharing a braincell with this man, whom clearly is the only motherfucker holding a braincell.

god, now I want wine but I don't have any... sad

The "I can have sex in real life, why do I need to join a call?" line? Sir, I'm free anytime you want me too. I don't have any other responsibility than to please you. What can I say, I'm a simple woman.

"I'll make you moan like a dog". Yeah, I would also get triggered after so many dog references pointing at your brother's disappearance, Nont. That being said, Prom catching that Nont has become terrified and keeps making him more scared... He's making his move in this 3D chess they are playing.

This is him pushing Nont to see for how much longer he can keep the façade. But this leads into a really important frame.

I don't know the rest of y'all, but from my friends that are into heavy bdsm stuff I have learned many things and one is that all the toys, props, accessories, ropes, EVERYTHING is stored in the same place. Is more convenient that way and easier to hide from the prying eye.

So unless it got blood on it and had to be thown away, no dog mask for Prom. Neither the harness for what I can see.

we have a full face mask and I feel like that's the mask he was talking about here and in the foreplay video.

PROM IS AS MUCH OF A RED HERRING AS THAT FUCKING CABINET, I'LL DIE ON THIS HILL.

And with that being said, seems like next week we have more heartbreak but also a lot of mix-and-match and I cannot wait. See y'all next week.

Luka out!

[acorpsecalledcorva]

I've tried to write about this a couple times now academically, then in a funny jokey way, but the problem is I'm trying to rationalise a personal topic to justify it and make it more general but honestly it keeps ending up being fakeclaimy, perhaps in a way that deflects from me so fuck it, here goes.

My trauma memories are wrong. And that's okay.

With all the talk about the false memory syndrome and the sociocognitive model I find myself in an interesting position where I wholeheartedly disagree with the False Memory Syndrome proponents attempts to discredit DID as a diagnosis whilst having false memories very much be a part of my diagnosis, with sociocognitive elements influencing both my false trauma memories and my presentation of DID (not it's cause, just how it manifested at times).

And the key issue is metacognition and world beliefs, a growing area of research in the trauma and dissociation field. It basically goes that humans are incredibly narrative in nature. Our memories aren't factual, they're stories we tell ourselves filled with meaning and metaphor and allegory. It's why we love stories so much, whether it's fiction or juicy gossip, interacting with others interpretation of events and finding meaning in them helps us to interpret and assign meaning to our own lives and create rich, nuanced world beliefs. When something happens that is incompatible with our world beliefs and we are unable to assign meaning to to integrate it onto our subjective narrative, that's trauma.

Emotional support can help us to develop our metacognitive abilities and integrate traumatic events but things like disorganised attachment environments really fuck up this ability from a very young age and the creation of alters in CDDs can be viewed as attempts by the brain to protect those very early world beliefs (I rely on my caregivers for survival), by creating new characters in the story who can hold simultaneous contradictory world beliefs.

The problem is when traumatic shit happens young enough, memory just doesn't record properly. The emotional feelings of helplessness and threat to life or exposure and violation might be preserved, but the "factual" record can be lost forever. And once you start chronically dissociating it fucks with your regular every day ability to record and store non traumatic memories, even if by this point a traumatic memory can be "factually" and emotionally preserved whilst also being buried.

So when I look back on my childhood, and I have all these emotional flashbacks from very early childhood and these core beliefs that point to a really shitty life as a baby that I don't have actually memory of, and entire oceans of no memory, and also traumas that happened to me later in life that I do remember even if I've only recently admitted to myself are traumatic, AND a brain that likes to make up alternative subjective narratives through alter formation, AND a desperation to make sense of my life during a very confusing period (system discovery), yeah...my brain made up traumas that didn't happen to me.

When I was reading The Body Keeps the Score because I was dealing with a bunch of somatoform symptoms the early chapters talk a LOT about the prevalence of CSA by family members, and it was honestly kinda invalidating, because as far as I was aware that didn't happen to me so why was I so fucked up? It led to me imagining scenarios of trauma that might have happened to me until something latched on to an unprocessed emotional flashback. It became entangled with that flashback and, in a way, integrated itself into my subjective narrative. It gave meaning to my story, a distressing story, but a story that made sense. The only problem with that is, it doesn't actually make sense. It just isn't compatible with the other versions of my narrative that are contained throughout the rest of the system. I haven't processed and integrated the real trauma, I've just attempted to create a narrative that could serve me in that moment, it was reassuring, it provided a security in the meaning it gave me, but it's only a temporary substitute for real integration of the stuff that's still buried or inaccessible to me.

Maybe I was a victim of CSA, it's definitely possible, but that memory I've "had" just.. Isn't it. And despite community sentiments to believe trauma I would be harming myself to cling onto those memories instead of confronting the true traumatic events through therapy when I'm actually ready to face them. I would be deflecting because believing something I know deep down isn't true is safer than acknowledging what really happened, even if the fake memory is worse than what really happened.

I understand why papers on fictitious DID are concerned with patients freely offering up their trauma when previously DID patients would take years to open up enough to share it. When you get those confession stories of people faking DID there are these repeated elements that come up time and time again. They made up trauma that they freely shared to appear more valid, and despite no longer faking they still sometimes hear their alters. And I think what's happening in these cases isn't actually necessarily that they're faking DID, although obviously you can misdiagnose yourself, but quite possibly community exposure is reinforcing a sociocognitive presentation of DID. One where trauma is this thing that you MUST know about, where alters have deep backstories and a rich biography. This outward protection may very well be a reflection of a deeper but hidden inner experience that seeks to deflect the outside world with a decoy narrative.

This sucks, because from a clinician's perspective whether they affirm it or scrutinise it, if the patient refuses to let go of the decoy to reveal what's underneath therapy work is largely fruitless. Sar and Ozturk seem to be the only practitioner's to have correctly highlighted this in Functional Dissociation of the Self. They recognise the uncanny ability of the Dissociative system to deflect and divert therapy work through substitute beliefs and multiple realities and highlight the value of cutting through all that to get to the hidden psychological self that's able to create the cohesive integrated narrative that allows the system to truly recover.

So I have to ask myself, is the "version" of DID I believe I have and present to others an accurate depiction of what's going on? Or is it a convenient substitution of self that I use to deflect from what's really going on? How is the community influencing this presentation and my need to cling onto it to fit in? And is my participation in the online system community harming me in the long run because it helps reinforce my substitute beliefs about myself to fit in with them without putting in the real work to really understand myself?

I'm mostly making this as a self call out post for accountability, because I think I need to step away. If I keep posting them I've failed because honestly I feel kinda lost without it and that's scary. Hopefully, this will be the last y'all hear from me in a while so I wish y'all well. Or I'll see you tomorrow

[halfghostwriter]

Wraith Radio Pt. 2

Part 1

“You’re listening to Wraith Radio, your number one link to the living realm. I’m your host, the wandering ghost, Ellie Phantom. It’s day two of my adventure in Gotham City, and I gotta say, today was… wild. Bit of context for those who missed the start of yesterday’s show, long story short, I publicly told the Red Hood that I would wait for him at this place called Park Row so I could take him to a doctor in the ghost zone because his body is bad.

After I ended the show, I got this call from my cousin, Danny. He and his friends back in Amity had been listening, and they think that, because I never showed off any of my powers or anything, and cause I look like any other human, he might not have actually believed I was a ghost. Which, fair, I guess.

So now I’m thinking, ‘well, no big deal, I can just show him my ghost form.’ Buuuuut then I remember the stupid amount of curses and stuff all around this city, and as part of the ghost population who technically never experienced death— no, that time I melted does not count— I’d like to prolong that experience for as long as possible if you don’t mind. Where was I? Oh right, so now I’m thinking, ‘well, no problem, I can just open up a portal, bring him to the zone, and transform there.’ Quick, simple, no problem.

So we come to today. I’m at the meeting spot, it’s five minutes to the meeting time, and I’m sitting on the edge of this rooftop, keeping an eye out for the arrival of the Red Hood.

And then a building blows up.

Right across the street, the top floor of this sketchy run down place I had been staring at, just. Boom! And then I hear all these gunshots, and screaming, and I look down at my watch, and I have about four minutes before noon, so I turn invisible, float over, and poke my head through the wall. Right there, center of the room, I see Batman, Robin, Red Robin, and Red Hood fighting this… I dunno, skinny twink with like a burlap sack over his head? Look, it took me a week to memorize the Gotham vigilante’s names and costumes alone, I wasn’t going out of my way to look up their entire rogues gallery. But anyway, they’re fighting this guy and a bunch of people who I assume are working for this guy, and I see some people tied up in the corner screaming their heads off for no clear reason. I mean, yes, I know it’s scary being tied up by an evil scarecrow of a man, but when I say screaming, I don’t mean ‘please, save me, I’m in distress’ screaming, I mean ‘the soulshredder just sliced through me and now I’m seeing my worst fears manifested in front of my eyes’ screaming.

So I get a little closer, I land on the floor, and just, to go off on a bit of a tangent for a second, the Gotham vigilantes are just. So much taller than me. I felt so incredibly tiny being in the same room as them. Like, yeah, I know I’m short, but I had hoped that I would at least be the same height as Robin, but no. I swear, every time I stand next to someone who’s supposed to be close to my ‘physical’ age, I become more and more convinced that the billionaire who made me had absolutely no idea what he was doing. He brought me to life and was like ‘you’re a twelve year old!’ and I was like ‘you’re right!’ because I had no frame of reference because I was born that morning. Anyway, so I get closer to the screeching humans being held against their will, and I feel this scratchy, almost burning feeling in the back of my throat. I try to brush it off, but then I look down, and I see my body fucking melting.

Now this isn’t be my first time melting, so my first thought isn’t ‘oh god I’m gonna go from half to full ghost,’ or even ‘ugh this shit again,’ but rather ‘why the fuck doesn’t this hurt?’ Because I know exactly what melting is supposed to feel like, and it isn’t a feeling you can just ignore. Like, I can’t really describe it to someone who’s never had every muscle in their body suddenly coalesce into one, with every attached nerve ending screaming louder than a heavy metal band, but trust me when I say that the “pain” I was feeling was barely anything compared to actually melting, like it felt more like my skin was itchy than anything. So, I try poking one of the places where my body is melting— don’t ask me why, I don’t really know why I did it— and instead of feeling ectoplasm drip over my hands, I just feel… my arm. And I realize, ‘oh, not only is this just an illusion, it’s a shitty one.’ Or, y’know, at the very least one that doesn’t work too well on a halfa.

So I shake that off, cause yeah, I don’t like seeing myself melt again, but as long as it’s not actually happening again, I’m good. Plus, if it does start again, I do still have my extra ecto dejectos in my bag, and yes, Danny, I will call you if it actually happens, sorry if I almost gave you a heart attack a few minutes ago. Anyway, I turn back to all the tied up screaming people, and I notice these, like, fog-machine-looking-thing next to all of them, and I get closer to one, and the scratchy feeling at the back of my throat gets worse, so now I’m thinking ‘oh, this must be what’s causing everyone to see things.’ So I turn my arm intangible, stick it into this machine, and I pull out this bottle of just… the worst smelling chemicals I’ve ever been near, which is saying a lot for someone born and raised in a basement lab. But, it stops the fog machine, so I plug it with some stuff from my bag, and pocket it so I can’t smell it anymore. I keep doing this to each of the nearby machines, and eventually the front pocket of my bag is just completely stuffed with gross chemicals.

So that’s over with, and I look over to see if the fight’s done, but no, they’re all still going at it, which means I still can’t talk to Red Hood and get him to the Zone, so I figure I have some time to kill. And I remember that there’s, like, ten or so people tied up against their will, so I start freeing all of them. Obviously, the ropes themselves are really easy, all I really need to do is phase them off. The people, on the other hand, are crazy hard to get to actually do anything other than scream. Like, I try pushing people towards the exit, I try dragging them across the floor, anything to get them to leave the building which is— in case you forgot— on fire. I mean it’s just the top floor, but I’ve heard from Ember that a fire anywhere in the house could be the cause of a human’s death, especially if no one’s watching it, and I doubt that anyone is actually watching that fire.

So now I’m kinda panicking, cause I was hoping the fight would be over by now and all these people would have been brought outside, but not only is the fight not over, I look over and see the bad guy throw these cans over at the people, and I realize that they’re giving off the exact same poison-fog as the machines from earlier. And I’m just. So pissed off. Like, I just took care of that!! For all I knew, that illusion stuff could’ve worn off in a few minutes, and I wouldn’t have to worry about keeping all these people alive!!

Side note— Danny. I get it now. I get the whole ‘desperate need to protect any and all humans’ feeling you were talking about.

They are just… so easy to put into danger.

Holy shit.

Anyway, I’m feeling that whole ‘selfless anger on behalf of strangers’ thing for the first time, and I think it turns my brain off, cause I just pick up the cans and throw them at the bad guys head while yelling ‘FUCK YOU, DIPSHIT!’

And my invisibility drops.

So.

Not my best decision.

But not my worst, because my aim was perfect.

I’m pretty sure I knocked him unconscious, but I’ll be honest I wasn’t really paying attention to that guy anymore because I had just revealed one of my abilities— not to mention I think my eyes were glowing— in front of the fucking Batman. Now, I don’t know if the rumors about him hating metas are true, but I do know that most humans fucking hate ghosts, that I definitely don’t know what he thinks I am, and that I’m not risking my ass to find out. So, invisibility goes back up, and I start to book it before I remember that the whole fucking reason I showed up was to help out Red Hood. So I take a flyer, write “sorry, try again tomorrow?” on the back, and then I get the fuck out.

I wind up flying so fast back to this little hideout I’m staying at that I guess I wound up jostling some things in my bag? Yeah, by the time I get back, I feel this… leaking through my bag. And I take it off, so I can check out the damage, and uh…

Ok, so remember how I mentioned those ecto dejectos I keep on me? Well, I tend to keep them in the front pocket. And the scary-illusion-liquid-stuff was also put in the front pocket. And one of the bottles and an ecto-dejecto hit each other just a bit too hard. And apparently. When these two things are combined. You get… a blob ghost. Who only knows how to melt.

I’ve named him Goop, and he’s the most pathetic creature I’ve seen in my life. He just melts until all of his body is liquid, then it all just blorps back together. He’s solid for like a second, then he starts to melt again. Also he keeps trying to drink the scary-illusion-liquid. I’ve been holding him in my lap this entire time, and while he’s not hard to stop, I do still need to sleep, so if anyone has any advice on how to handle a mutant blob ghost, I’m all ears. Also, if theres any specific way to get rid of mysterious chemicals that honestly shouldn’t exist, please tell me, otherwise I’m just gonna find a sink and dump it.

Anyway, that’s enough about my day, onto things I’ve heard about the city…”

————————

The batfam stared silently at the glowing radio that Jason had brought.

And an unspoken agreement was reached.

Meta, ghost, whatever— this was a child with absolutely no adult supervision, severe trauma, an unknown set of powers, and a ridiculous amount of fear toxin. Not to mention something that she described to be a “mutant blob ghost.”

It was time to do a bit of research into the kid.

Or, it would, were it not for the fact that “Wraith Radio” didn’t seem to exist online, nor did “Ellie Phantom.” It was also likely she used a fake name for her show, since there didn’t seem to be any records of an “Ellie Phantom” anywhere.

Of course, that wasn’t enough to deter them. After all, she herself had mentioned her family.

And so, they began looking into Amity and her cousin, Danny.

[mostlymaudlin]

ooooooh ok juicy sfc posts happening !! i rly honestly truly love to see it. here's my unasked for two cents, as someone who did find the story really hopeful. im posting this not to like, discourse or disagree or discount what im seeing, but to just maybe offer a different pov for ppl who might be trying to file this story away in a less devastating way.

i, of course, think baz deserves better than what he gets from his family. we all deserve to have families that love us unconditionally, and so many of us DONT have that -- including baz. that hurts !! i also think simon didn't deserve to lose his magic, and penny didn't deserve to take on the sole responsibility for keeping simon safe, and agatha didnt deserve to be shoved into every princess/damsel role ppl cast on her, etc etc. 

what i like so much abt this series is that ppl dont get what they deserve, but theyre still okay. its why i also love the end of awtwb -- simons LICH ER ALL Y crying lol. he got a whole mega-bucket of extra trauma dumped on his plate that he hasnt even started to process. but its still so clear that he's got the support he needs to live a good life alongside this terrible knowledge. the mage fucked him over even more than he knew, but he doesnt have to define himself by these terms anymore -- we've seen his growth in this regard.

bazs main arc in the series is about how he sees himself -- in crudely simple terms, he rly wants to be a Good Guy (you know, not a vampire, straight, a good pitch etc etc) but sees himself as cursed with that impossibility. this continues as his idealized Good Guy self develops over the course of the books into something that actually feels more achievable to him and is less reliant on the shit his family put on him growing up. 

the cool thing about snow for christmas is that -- just like when simon finds out abt the mage at the end of awtwb -- we get to see baz's new sense of self tested. we get to see what he's using to draw the lines of morality. and we get to see that while of course he still cares about what his family thinks, and it still causes him anxiety and trauma and all the shitty things that he doesnt deserve -- he has grown from that place where their value system can make him hate himself.

and moreso on the hope part -- the grimms value, above all, the ability to fit into the roles they think theyre supposed to hold. its bullshit, and they've both caused themselves problems and absolutely are fucking up their children. daphne fully had to be saved by a cult bc of it and shes still not over that mindset -- these ppl need therapy lol. so it's def sick n twisted that they're celebrating baz being able to hide better rather than celebrating who baz is, but is this not the utmost sign of love that they're capable of? baz gets to fit in better -- that's all they've ever wanted for him, whether we agree with that or not. baz seems to recognize the balance of this in the story. he narrates the rest of the dinner with a sort of dry, relieved, disbelieving tone. it’s like hes huffing a laugh, shaking his head, thinking, “did i really used to pin so much of myself on this stuff? how silly.” he is not distressed bc he understands his parents, and he has, again, divorced his sense of self from their expectations. so much so tht he says fuck it and gives simon the lil kissy at the end, because THIS is his new value system: he ALWAYS kisses simon goodbye!

so, is this a step forward for the grimms being more supportive parents? yeah, maybe not. maybe it never gets better than baz hiding his fangs at dinner and everyone doing the bare minimum to accept simon's role in baz’s life. that's not what baz and simon deserve. but it could be enough, because simon and baz have different ways that they measure their happiness by. they have each other and penny and shep and ruth and agatha and niamh and every other person they'll meet in the many, many years ahead of them whose opinions they can choose to make important to them, or reject. i love this for them! the true queer hope story imo. thats what i want for myself and for the people i love. 

to be clear: this story made me sob so hard i scared my cats. (im not rly a crier, they did not know what to do). i had to put it down in the middle because i couldnt see the page. any queer person who has Family Shit is bound to get whammied lol. but! i personally find comfort in the idea that we can coexist with people who are important to us but also very difficult to be around, even if its not totally what we deserve. its a very quiet, somber hope -- but that only makes it feel more real to me. 

[the-chaos-crew]

okay this is gonna be SUPER different than most of my posts but god ding diddly dang it I'm frustrated so hear me out

I had a bad childhood, like a really bad one, as far as I know since I was 6 but my dad and older brother think I probably was affected by the insane shit since 4yrs old. which if you don't know is pretty fucking young. and that traumatic childhood lasted until I was about 11. that's a pretty long fucking time for trauma to build up over time.

now because of this shit childhood, I developed the coping mechanism known as dissociation. I often feel like I'm in a dream or I'm watching someone else live my life and it's really really weird. now sometimes though, that dissociation is taken to an extreme. and extreme where I just suddenly BLIP lose several hours or more of time and I have no memory of it.

my IRL friends have told me that during these periods of time where I just black out, I act completely differently or my behavior shifts suddenly

I've tried denying that this is a thing and at one point I did consider Dissociative Identity Disorder. I snapped out of it of course cause I'm too young for that to start disrupting my life, right? yes my abuser is gone, she'll never return, I mean how could she when she is in an urn sitting on a shelf now. but, I'm a teen now, and in therapy, I should be fine and healthy now right?

I told my therapist about how these black outs in my memory freak me out and I just cannot keep ignoring it anymore, and my therapist told me to talk to my psychiatrist cause she might know a bit more and be able to help me

you wanna know. what my psychiatrist said? what she said about this very worrying and distressing thing that affects my life and relationships?

"you're fine, it isn't affecting you that significantly" (while I was there crying cause I am honestly scared about whatever is going on) "it sounds totally normal to me, everyone gets a bit more extreme in their emotions"

LIKE WHAT. LADY. AUGHHHFHFFHH

she completely waved off my concerns.

I don't try to get into discourse in stuff I'm not even a part of, but fuck man. this is what mental illness fakers are really doing. "erm endos aren't taking resources away erm uh" BRO. MY THERAPIST KNOWS OF DID, SHE KNOWS THE ABSOLUTE SHIT I WENT THROUGH AS A KID. and yet she isn't too sure about going anywhere in that realm of possibility other than me dealing with dissociation above the average for C-PTSD sufferers. why? because my therapist has dealt with one too many fakers trying to be fucking debilitated like I am, without the actual debilitation part!

my psychiatrist is waving my concerns and problems away because she knows that a lot of kids of my generation are just saying this shit for attention or clout or to validate their delusions

mental illness fakers are making it so no one believes the people who are actually struggling and it's making me pissed off. I DONT WANT TO LOSE HOURS OF MY LIFE TO SOME OTHER FACET IN MY BRAIN. I WANT TO GET HELP FOR THIS SHIT. BUT NO ONE WILL FUCKING BELIEVE OR LISTEN TO ME.

I WONDER. FUCKING. WHY.

okay. rant over. sorry. I'm just super fucking pissed and I just want help for whatever the fuck is going on with me dude

[scoobydoodean]

“Loving Dean is a curse that gets other people killed.”

This breaks my heart because this is definitely how Dean sees himself and I hate that for him. I hate that people made him feel that. I hate that the toxic masculinity was so fucking strong that Dean never would’ve bought into therapy. I hate what was done to Dean and how those voices now live inside him and he can’t stop them.

I extra hate it because it was the first time I ever saw a character and saw myself. The difference is that I had someone who loved me enough to push me to do the work and heal. Nobody ever loved Dean enough to live or to actually support him through the work of healing.

Ngl—I don't think toxic masculinity is really Dean's problem? That isn't to say I don't think Dean is a victim of toxic masculinity or that toxic masculinity doesn't affect his life. I just think "Men aren't supposed to feel x" is pretty rarely the reason Dean suppresses something from my perspective.

I actually think when Dean suppresses things (which I think he actually does far less—or at least less effectively—than Sam or Cas) it's usually with quite a lot of awareness about what he is doing (I have a post I need to make about this related to 3.10), and it's because he genuinely cannot afford to fall apart, or feels that he can't afford it. Throughout the whole show, Dean is actively in a war zone or he's repeatedly being thrust back into one and has to be ready to react at any moment. Take season 4—where Dean is freshly returned from arguably the most traumatic experience of his entire life, and is immediately saddled with an apocalypse in which he unwittingly and unwillingly plays a starring role. I haven't had very many experiences I would consider traumatic (and certainly not on Dean's scale), but the one that stands out was not a situation I was mentally capable of healing from while I was still trapped in the situation that was causing me that distress. I had to get out first. 15.19 does set Dean up to escape the war zone, but then 15.20 rips away his right to choose his own path (until The Winchesters) by killing him and writing through decades of time where Dean's feelings and voice are utterly silenced.

I think everyone has their own vision of what healing looks like for Dean. I think for a lot of people, healing looks like a deancas reunion. For one of my friends, healing looks like Dean leaving Sam and Cas behind forever and making his own path away from them jahgdjabjdfnj. For others, it looks like retirement and maybe therapy.

I think tbh the show itself ruined "Dean goes to therapy" for me (especially with 13.04) and also the idea of me really dictating Dean's path at all? (And when I said that to a friend, she said "So Dean is really a real person to you, huh?" jshbfjhsbdajhfb) but I think it's that... what I want for Dean after years of being objectified and used and having his voice silenced, is freedom and endless possibilities—including freedom from my own vision of his ultimate fate? It's so strange because it's almost as if the finale thinks it gave me that with the open road Dean drove along. Yet in reality, it gives me the stifling, nightmarish antithesis—a Dean devoid of determination who looks and feels like he has utterly given up and is just swept along by the tide, silenced, moving through a void, painted with forced happiness/contentment that doesn't feel real. For me, The Winchesters renewed that flame in Dean, but what I want for Dean—personally—looks probably more like... Dean having a knock-down-drag-out vicious fight with almost everyone in his life one by one, where he advocates for his own interest and his right to be heard, and well... wins. 🤭 And then goes on to do absolutely whatever the fuck he wants.

I think Dean does know—he really does—where most of these intrusive thoughts originate from, and a part of him knows these judgements of himself aren't fair ("Dream A Little Dream Of Me" shows us a lot of Dean's awareness, as does "Sam Interrupted") but... hm... I guess for me personally, therapy isn't what I'm looking for for him. But I think it's completely valid that other people want to see that—especially when speaking from their own experiences and the joy they now have that they'd like to share with him.

[sunset-bridge]

gorbo thoughts part .. 3?

goro thoughts update. id like to ramble again

ok i think he might not have ocd actually! i mean he could but like...i dont think theres too many signs. so yes id like to. recall that. i think that was just me projecting LMAO.. its ok! i love learning more about my favorite guy. you know what he does have

i stand by the ocpd. (obsessive compulsive personality disorder, its a completely different thing from OCD. its a personality disorder) also Definetely ctpsd (complex ptsd)...... ! i was talking with someone and they brought it up and i was like. WOAG.. after reading about it

disclaimer: i only talk about these because i have them LOL.. im sure gorbo has a cute soup of Other problems but like. i cant really talk about those well... i find these two really interesting though.

see. ocpd, is like the perfectionist control freak disorder. its what people Think ocd is lol. BUT as a personality disorder, its so much more than that. people with ocpd also:

-you tend to have a black and white moral code

-your way is the only right way.

-you like to do things alone because no one else could do them right; this may cause relationship problems and you may come across as a fucking cunt ( i know this..)

difficulty compromising and accepting any critisicim of your actions or opinions.

excessive devotion to work and productivity

sosososo afraid of failure even if its kinda small. you feel it will ruin your image forever and ever. if i make a mistake put me to death please.

Frequently become overly fixated on a single idea, task or belief. even to detriment of . everything else in your life...

yeah...

me and some friends definetely see some of these in goro! ofc im so happy to hear what you guys think, i dont mind changing my views at all (like with the ocd thing i changed opinion about!)

like.. hes super fixated on his revenge plan, its the Only thing he cares about and everything is fair game if it allows him to advance that. leave him alone, its no one elses problem. he knows what hes doing. he has to be right about his values and beliefs. he has to. or else whats the point. dont tell him hes wrong. what do you mean? you dont know anything about him. he cant fail, he cant make mistakes, he has to work hard so everyone sees him exactly as he wants to and as someone valuable.

and. cptsd. as the name suggests its. a form of ptsd but..it has the Special Added features of:

-sometimes cant control emotions well

-you feel angry distrustful and resentful at the world in general

you feel worthless, empty or forever damaged by an event. like if you were stained with dirt forever.

you feel isolated. like no one could ever even understand what you went through (not in like an. edgy kid way. like fr. you feel even if you explained to people. they wouldnt understand you and your feelings. or theyd judge you and further hurt you...)

avoiding friendships and relationships, or finding them very difficult (!!)

escapism or depersonalisation...dissociative behaviors .

yeah.. ! yeah. i think these ring quite some bells huh..! its really shitty! you feel like no one would get it, like no one would like you, like you are ruined forever and theres not much to do about it.

makes sense that goro would absorb himself in his plan. after all. he felt he was some sort of curse upon his mom; as if he was the one responsible for ruining her life.. but hed like to "redeem" himself with the revenge plan. he has to, even if its difficult to go on. i wonder if he planned to do anything if he achieved his plan? i dont think so. its a bit sad but.. he didnt really seem to plan doing. or living much more after. its like his whole life he convinced himself his only use would be as the vehicle to enact a revenge years in the making, and thats it.

as if he wasnt a person. just a tool to revenge. i think this is why its so difficult, frustrating and downright distressing to him to accept he too, has feelings and wants and needs like any Normal Person on planet earth. no way. those just interfere with the plan. and he has no right anyways.

i thought how id feel, in his shoes and with all my cute soup of wrong stuff, if some guy showed up, hes the guy i gotta kill. ok. then hes nice with me, as if mocking me. hes better at me in most things. he has friends and family and everyone likes him and he barely moves a finger. while i had to work so damn hard to even get acknowledged?? what does he have that i do not. hes nothing special. so why? then this guy acts like a fool even when hes so extraordinary in every aspect... does he think its funny? for someone so special to pretend to be ordinary. when id kill to be just half as special as him. honestly.. id become super frustrated with this bastard too. his presence would infuriate me. and the most frustrating thing, would be that this guy seems to be the only guy that seems to like hanging out with me. what the hell. guess he enjoys trying to humor me..

man...

[fabdante]

Reboot question:

Do you think Dante KNEW that Vergil was gonna die from that final stab in the chest at the end of their fight? Cause like. He kinda just let him go and seemed to think that he'd be fine. Like, Dante still talks to Vergil like he knows Vergil is gonna be a threat after this, so presumably Dante thought Vergil would just walk that stab to the heart off. And probably with good reason! We see Dante poking at his own heart in a bathroom once during a flashback, and presumably this is the first time Dante's ever gotten in this big of a fight before (I mean, Dante basically fought Mundus and Vergil back-to-back), so maybe he just figured Vergil would be fine?

Idk. I feel like if Vergil comes back as the new King of Hell and tells Dante Dante fucking KILLED HIM with that last stab, Dante would just be devastated and shocked, because he honestly thought Vergil would be okay after that. That Vergil would just portal back to the safe house we see them using after the Order fell, and that Vergil would have medical supplies there or something. (Unless Dante and Kat went there afterwards and found the place wrecked or unused.)

I fear this one might get long again asdfghj bare with me

First, a bit on my reading of Downfall (skip the first two paragraphs if that's not interesting asdfghj): I've always preferred the idea that what we see happening in Downfall is less like, literal for the most part and more something Vergil is imagining in his head after passing out on Eva's grave. I realize Word of God canon from Ninja Theory asserts that it like, is supposed to be taken literally but the textual canon of the game itself doesn't really lend itself one way or the other. All we have is Vergil near death passing out and then whatever Eva is (since we don't really know what Eva is) telling him that he did die at some point, though nothing to substantiate that claim beyond her word on the subject. (I tend to treat word of god canon as secondary to textual canon)

But in my reading of the game, I've always just sort of assumed Dante didn't kill Vergil and rather just almost did, something still very scary and unnerving for Dante to grapple with (also I imagine made more complicated by the fact him and Kat after the game likely don't know if Vergil is alive or dead after he left, and that speculation is enough to cause a lot of problems for both of them mentally which is something that comes up a lot in a very 'fab wrote this fan fic for fab' fic I posted, Crossroads of Catharsis and Contemplation asdfghjk)

HOWEVER, like I said, I know Ninja Theory has asserted with Word of God canon that we're supposed to take Downfall literally. So if we take Downfall literally like, Vergil does die after the fight with Dante because we are told by whatever Eva is that he died and this is sort of his own little personal afterlife hell that he needs to crawl out of.

And I am pretty sure Dante had no idea he killed him. The way both Dante and Kat (who has just begged for Vergil's life) implies to me that both thought he'd just heal like the twins do and he'd be fine. The fact Kat in particular does not seem too particularly concerned that Vergil is in dire straights. So I think at the point they're both at with the end of the game, both probably think Vergil will be ok.

I think when things begin to turn is when Vergil just...doesn't communicate with either of them. And that's when they both probably start wondering if he is actually alive or not.

Dante at the end of the game to always read to me as not entirely in control of his devil trigger, thus why it got so bad and Kat had to come over and snap him out of it. Which I definitely think would add to Dantes distress if he were to find out he actually did kill Vergil, even if Vergil got better

[musashi]

im here to essentially second the "its mostly projection" anon re why people are Like This to you.

most people on this website just really fucking hate themselves. You're the only person ive seen on this website afair that doesnt. i think a lot of these people see "oh autistic mentally ill queer person! we must be the same!" and then treat you the way they desperately wish someone would treat them, or the way they treat their friends, who may prefer things that way.

i think the assumption that everyone on tumblr hates themselves really hits whenever you talk about how people perceive you especially. a lot pf people on tumblr would see someone saying "people dont really find me attractive" and interpret it as "/I/ dont find me attractive and my ridiculously low self esteem means i assume all people feel the same way.

i also rather doubt that any of these people actually read your carrd unfortunately. they see what they perceive as someone in distress and in need of comfort and rush right in to "reassure" you. carrds are also one of the hip things to make fun of right now, the assumption may be made that its mostly unimportant stuff about like fandom bullshit.

I think also the fact that you are in fandom makes people think you're like a teenager. a loooot of people, especially actual teens, see fandom as something for "young people" and surely a tax paying adult wouldnt be writing fanfic? a lot of antis will tell older adults who dont buy into their bullshit to "go do your taxes" or "shouldnt you be taking care of your kids" and shit like that

finally, talking about like otherkin stuff, or really just being otherkin is seen as juvenile as well, especially by non kinfolk. i think a lot of people see it as sort of an extension of "playing pretend", rather than the legitimate spiritual belief that it can be

so yeah essentially people are projecting and or see that you do a lot of things they feel are childish or whatever and thats why theyre like that. i dont think theres much you can really do about that unfortunately, short of maybe changing the ask box prompt to like "i am an adult who pays taxes" or something

one small thing that might possibly help is changing your icon? it's ridiculous that people think this way, but from what i can tell, a lot of people see "cartoon character on a pride flag" as a juvenile trait, something only teens really do. whether they know your actual age or not, they could subconsciously assume you are a child essentially.

this is all so valuable information thank you for sending it holy shit.

to be honest. i forgot. that people in the current climate view ANY of these things as immature. i am so steeped in my own reality full of adults who collect toys and write fanfiction that i wholly forgot that there are swaths of the world who view those as hobbies for teenagers and kids. like that thought did not even occur to me. every single adult or friend i have in my life is in fandom in some way fsdgsfd

i really am sympathetic to people with low self esteem who need support but i just wish they wouldn't project onto me. i have my doubts and problems sure but they are not something i listen to, and when they are fixable i simply fix them. i wish people would understand that my peace in life comes from a conscious effort and dedication to loving myself and being happy. there is no secret caveat, there is nothing deeper than that. once upon a time i was miserable. it sucked. so i took the steps to change it, and i will do that forever, as things shift and change. end of statement.

you're right, there's really nothing to be done about this. prompting my ask box is a good idea though, that might get some people to stop. i can't change my icon cause i match with jessica :3 and honestly as much as i'd love folks to leave me alone, pride flag icons are too cute to pass up.

thanks again this is all good food for thought

[for the love of god someone please tell me why everyone treats me like an uwu soft baby who needs protecting/support]

[robotskilledmygrandma]

A lil guide for anyone looking for some fanfiction or now my AI artworks

Hello! I accidentally deleted my pages for writing so I'm just gonna pin this post with all the info for the very few fanfics I have written and also anything I am going to post on here. Marvel Fanfiction What Should We Name Her? Bucky Barnes x Reader Summary: Who knew that Bucky’s undoing would have eight legs? Damsels In Distress: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Bucky Barnes x Reader. Summary: Bucky and Steve don’t usually get captured, but their missions don’t usually involve zombies. Now he has to deal with the fact that the emergency alarm went out to not only the team, but to you, his girlfriend. This is not the way to a girl’s heart.

Hogwarts Legacy Hogwarts Legacy AI Art :) AI Art WIP (that I have probably abandoned but were cool ideas) Let me know if you want me to complete them, hold me accountable! MARVEL Bucky X Reader #1: After losing his arm in a car accident, Bucky Barnes struggles with every day tasks but after already having some hired help, he refuses to get more. Natasha however, isn't having any of it and goes out of her way to hire him a private chef.

#2: I don't like tea and other lies Bucky tells himself. Bucky wakes up in a strangers house after passing out on their doorstep after a particularly bad fight. He is resistant to their help but this stranger isn't having it and takes it upon themselves to get his stubborn ass back to the Avengers Tower

#3: This is not a safehouse. The mission goes horridly wrong to no-one's surprise and the safehouse is destroyed. Steve and Bucky follow Natasha to another safehouse, except that it's not and now it's time to meet Natasha's "old friend".

#4: Lessons in apologies and being a disaster by Bucky Barnes Being a superhero is hard and Bucky can't catch a break, he's just trying to get by and start enjoying his life. But a tense encounter with a person he mistakes as a reporter makes his relationship with his new neighbour all the more strenuous that it has to be. It's Sam to the rescue.

#5 An egg for a brain. (I fucking love this one and do intend to continue it.) Bucky is well versed with Murphy's Law but this is one of those times he thinks the world is just out to get him. An accident causes Bucky to lose all his memories except for those from before World War 2. Steve is the only person he knows, he's lost in a modern world that he dreamt of living in, is struggling with the fact he can't remember shit about who he is (everyone is quick to chime in though) and to top it off, he can't seem to face the woman he fell in love with. #6: A Serious Problem It's Tuesday and portals open above New York. Again. The first on the scene is not the Avengers or even any of the other local crime-fighting vigilantes. The first person appears seemingly out of nowhere, brandishing rebar and a fiery attitude. Of all people, it's Spider-Man who they say hi to while sprinting past covered in alien blood.

Stucky - Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes (my beloved ship omg)

#1: Shit My Soulmate Listens To (The story of how Steve Rogers loses his mind, just a little. (Another one I intend to finish cos it's gonna be so good). It's not that Steve is a snob. Really, he isn't. It's just that he has good taste. And his Soulmate certainly does not. And he swears if he has to hear the same damn song one more time, he's going to punch someone.

#2 Becoming (My post-endgame somewhat fix-it that finally tackles the abandonment of Bucky by Steve). This is a story about heartbreak, grief, healing and self-discovery. Bucky knew that Steve wasn't returning after he put the stones back, but that didn't stop it from it hitting him like a truck. He takes a break from being a superhero, learns to be Bucky Barnes again and learns that some endings are actually beginnings.

#3: Doom. Or how Bucky Barnes got fucked over, lost an arm, went to Hell and came back laughing. (A Marvel and Doom video game crossover) Bucky Barnes has been imprisoned on the Mars UAC facility after defying his CO. He's not imprisoned though, he's a fucking test subject for a squirrely scientist named Arnim Zola whose didn't stop to think about the consequences of messing with Argent energy. After a mysterious explosion destroys the facility and leads to the worst infestation known to man, SHIELD sends the Avengers, a Rapid Response Tactical Squad led by Steve Rogers to gather intel and lock down the facility.

#4: A roommate AU Bucky responds to Steve's ad for a new roommate. It turns out food isn't just good for the soul but a fast track to the heart of the hottest man Bucky has ever met. #5: Atlas Shrugged All eyes are on Steve who frankly does not give a shit. His eyes instead are on the shield, the gaudy thing they insist is his and expect him to pick back up again even thought he doesn't remember a thing about why he picked it up in the first place. Bucky says it was because he's an idiot and never knows what's good for him. But Bucky is the only one who is against him picking it up again. "It's not your job." Bucky had said one night when they both couldn't sleep. His metal hand nursing the bottle of Vodka while he looked downright miserable. Undecided Ship #1: A Marvel and Fallout crossover, staring all the Avengers but my main man, Bucky Barnes The second the platform stops moving, Bucky’s knees buckle and he drops to the ground hard and grasps at his chest. Just like the platform, his breathing has all but stopped, panic setting in.

He gasps and gulps and tears flow quick. In all his years he has never felt desperation and grief as he does right now. All he hears are his own choked sobs on top of the silent hill and it scares him how silent everything is. Anywhere he looks there are signs of death and destruction despite the regrowing nature. Skeletons litter the ground, all the families he had passed on his way to the Vault all those years ago, and all the workers, even the Vault-Tec guy.

Instead of standing, Bucky scrambles over to the dirt around the platform, searching desperately for any signs of footprints, of life.

There are none.

[sisterfhood]

In grad school for counseling my professors would make it clear that most presenting symptoms of mental illness and distress were caused by societal problems. People are depressed because of capitalism, isolation, racism, sexism, ableism, etc. Then in the same breath these profs would encourage recommending SSRI’s (or other drugs that you never stop taking because you develop dependency) to your clients. Treating societal problems by focusing on individual “happiness” ( just the ability to live without having to be depressed, or even suicidal, in a normal reaction to how fucked up the world is every second of every day). It is easier to numb the populous with drugs than to fix these problems. The only people who don’t have to deal with these problems are the ultra wealthy and shockingly they aren’t bankrolling studies or backing any efforts to improve psychiatric care. No one is pressing for changing the most popular mental health narratives in the media and in medical science to admit the real cause of depression isn’t a “chemical imbalance” that has no presenting evidence of actually existing. Big pharma is a scam and I’m tired of everyone acting like calling this out is a personal attack against medicated individuals. No. I think you deserve better than to be lied to at every turn about the nature of your distress AND you deserve better than a drug that, albeit might allow you to experience relief from the most heightened emotional extremes and therefore being potentially life-saving, causes you to develop lifelong dependency without addressing the root cause. You deserve better than “we’ll just throw serotonin at it and hopefully you’re one of the people who show improvement!” (that is the only option).

[fierceawakening]

I definitely think it is not in any way wrong to ponder whether someone in your life has narcissistic traits, but then I am also team "reading a book is not thoughtcrime" literally regardless of what the book is. (There are authors I will only ever buy used if at all, but to me that's a different consideration.)

Thank you.

Yeah, I don't think reading a book is thoughtcrime ever either.* I do think it's important to consider the source--for example, after I read that article by the journalist I read a few more articles by people who DID have credentials as clinicians, and I DID notice that the clinicians were more careful in their wording. Where the journalist was saying "the narcissist in your life knows they're bullying you and their behavior is a choice, don't feel bad about getting angry that they chose it," the clinicians tended to say "Many narcissists do X, which leads to Y, which causes bad consequences for those close to them because Z."

So yes, it's noticeable, and I think worth paying attention to! But I ALSO think there is a place for "consider that this person might actually KNOW they're behaving hurtfully. Don't assume they must not be aware of it. That's often a defense mechanism survivors fall into to convince themselves it's Not That Bad, when it actually IS that bad."

Like, I struggle with whether I think my mom knows she doesn't empathize well with me. I don't think she does know it. She calls herself "an empath" and bemoans how much time she needs to spend resting because it's distressing when other people around her are upset.

But when it comes to guessing why I'm upset, or telling whether I'm angry/hostile or sad/melancholy? She's bad at that. She's REALLY bad at "you're having an issue I wouldn't experience but you're making sense." It's VERY frequently, like, "well, if you just dated boys you wouldn't have to deal with dyke drama, you know?" Rather than "Oh, everyone struggles in relationships, these pronouns are unusual but I get the gist."

It's always "why didn't you think that was a stupid situation you didn't want to be in? I try to tell you you would never..." and not "I can still vibe with what you're up to even if my own life has been pretty different in the detail bits."

(Meant to type you SHOULD never, but not correcting it because "You're my kid which means I know you better than anyone, and those things I disapprove of that you like? That's not really you. Trust me, I know." is something I have heard so, so many times. "I tried to tell you you would never" is accurate.)

So... why would "You know, Mom, I'm middle aged, which means you're considerably older than that. You really should have figured out by now that that's not cool, and I actually do kind of blame you for never recognizing that" be wrong?

(Aside from the fact that if I said it out loud she'd say "you want to make me suffer" rather than taking the point. But that's her problem, and just means there's little POINT in confronting her. It's not a sign that it would be unwarranted or cruel of me to do so.)

*(okay, okay, if I found out someone I knew was reading The Turner Diaries and it wasn't for research into what the fuck is up with Nazis, I'd worry immediately, I have an open mind not a spilling dumpster. But that's about it.)

[ciaraloves]

I need to hear about your instagram crush 👀 🍿

oh my god jae I do not think you know what you’ve just opened by asking this of me😫are you ready? I could talk about this boy for HOURS!

let me take you on a Journey™️

so some things you need to know about me first:

1. my obsession with pretty boys (and people in general) extends far beyond me crying about them on tumblr (which I do quite frequently). ergo pretty boys tend to pop up on my instagram feed as fashion influencers, dancers, singers, pottery artists (this is a very large niche apparently?) and most frequently: gym goers.

2. now another thing you need to know about me: i DO NOT gym. beyond not being even remotely interested in it, I also have a myriad of joint problems (shoutout jana (@disappearsreappears ) for being metaphorical cane-babes together) and therefore going to the gym and doing cool gym stuff is not really an option for me. so naturally I don’t actively engage in gym content for gym related purposes, in any aspect of my life

3. but nonetheless because I love pretty boys, and THEY love gym, I get a lot of gym content on my Instagram.

4. another thing you need to know: I spend a clinically distressing amount of time on instagram. like if you think I waste away on tumblr, instags is at least twice as bad :/

5. that means I get through A Lot of content in one day. but, while I’m pretty liberal about what content I watch and engage in, I’m quite strict about who I follow. instagram is a nightmare of suggestions and recommendations in the home feed, the explore page, and the reels so the small amount of curation I actually can do, I keep under strict lockdown.

6. therefore despite having lots of fun seeing pretty boys in my reels and smiling ridiculously at the screen as they attempt to hit personal gym records for weird shit like russian deadlifts and bulgarian split squats, I don’t just follow every pretty human i see.

7. in fact, unless I really really like your videos (/content) and they surpass my usual serotonin boost I don’t care how many times you come up in my feed I probably won’t follow you.

8. one more thing about me: I have two instagram accounts — one I created in 2013 and has been on private and will continue to be on private since then (it’s my main Instagram where I follow all my people from). and the other I started in 2021 to post more of my chaos things > that one is public and full of nonsense and I don’t follow anyone from there cause I use it purely as an memory book of sorts (it’s linked on all my tumbles so I’m not linking here but the important thing is that it’s public so anyone can see what I post < that’s important for later)

okay onto my Instagram crush and (self proclaimed) love of my life 😫

scott ho (aka @/scottoho) popped up in my reels in January this year (I think it was jan it may have been the undefined time between dec and jan but I’m like seventy five percent sure it was jan) with this sinful video (I’d like to defend myself at this point and say not all, in fact almost none of, the gym related videos that pop up in my feed are this…slutty… though I’m certainly not complaining). and I was like oh my god he’s preetttyyyyyy.

but I didn’t follow him (see above) I just liked the reel and moved on. but (for those who managed to avoid the instags hellscape) interacting once with something on there will most definitely prompt an entire slew of that account’s (and other accounts like it) content. so over the next few days I got a couple more scott related gym videos.

usually I take about a month or more to follow someone if I keep seeing their content and like it. it took me two days to follow him😫I saw an arm workout, a leg workout, and my absolute weakness, a back workout

I was SOLD!

pretty boy ✅

shows us pretty back muscles✅

and one of his posts had him looking gorgeous in a baby blue sweater at a fucking art gallery✅ (lord I’m still unsure how I survive him)

now yes he was a pretty boy I followed but he wasn’t, at this stage my instagram crush. no, not yet. a couple weeks and many videos go by where I’m happy to see him on my feed and enjoy his content

15 jan (I know the date cause I sent his vid to a friend I was crying about it to) rolls around and a leg workout pops up. INSTANT LOVE. I don’t know what the fuck was in that video but I was GONNNEEEE about it. literally just tumbled head first into obsession

and that marks the day I started looking forward to see his content on my feed (clinically down bad at this point)

he then posted this video dancing to that adorable “sure thing” trend (“if you be the cash I’ll be the rubber band etc etc.”) and I melted straight into the earth’s core and immediately saved that video to my instags. I also went through the effort of reposting that video on my public instagram account purely so he would be able to see it! and he did! and he liked my story and I cried about THAT for about eighty five days

fast forward to me screaming shaking crying throwing up about him on a daily basis and telling my friend in LA she has to pack him in her suitcase when she’s coming back because I. NEED. HIM!!!! (she said she would but she also has my soju glasses and frankly those are still more important no matter how much I love him)

AND THEN: (cause no this is not over — I told you you opened the doors to hell)

he posted this video showing what he looked like before his workout (muscles less defined, skin not as flushed, so so gorgeous) and after (muscles more defined, skin a pretty pink, the most beautiful ever!). and the caption for the video was “before the pump and after the pump // can you tell the difference?”

and me (who is delusional but also forward as hell) commented: “pretty before, pretty after ✨” which he then responded to with “ur pretty during”.

JAE I DIED????!!!!!! HOW DARE HE DO THAT TO ME????? I FUCKING PASSED OUT!!!!!!

(and yes I know he was just being smooth with it and he defs has zero idea what I look like and he responds to lots of comments etc. etc. but love is delusional and I’m obsessed so I will continue to live in fantasy world)

anyway that comment (and his reply) got some attention (I’m still getting notifications about it which is extremely annoying does anyone know how to stop them?).

alas after this he posted a video where he and another influencer did a skit where they pretended to bump into each other by accident. it was very cute and I cried about it because the love of my life is in love with someone else what am I gonna do I can’t believe this😔😔😔😔I was in heartbreak central.

BUT after that I found out he played basketball (which is my favourite sport to watch) and I was back to WANTING TO MARRY HIM!

and then he posted a video showing his overnight oats recipe which I then reposted on stories with the caption “two meals in this video” which he saw and liked (when you’re in love those little instagram floating hearts really be giving you all the chemicals you need) (really at this point I’m just surprised my mother hasn’t called asking why I’m publicly thirsting over someone?)

anyway, I’m stocked up nice and full on my daily scott serotonin boost when a couple days later he posts a shoulder work out and I reposted that on my stories

(guys please understand I don’t follow him from my public account I really am so fucked I go through a whole process for reposting on the off chance he’ll see it UGH)

with the caption, “my only goal this year is to be so delusional I can pretend I’ll bump into @/scottoho on the street even though we live 10’s of 1000’s of km’s away from each other // it’s working btdubs (I’m so delusional)” which he REPLIED TO with: “maybe if you come to LA” and suddenly I had a notification from him in my direct messages 😫😫😫😫😫please I could not contain myself I think I crashed the metaphorical car . I was i n c o h e r e n t about it !!!

anyway after not recovering from that at all I am fully in the thirsting business when it comes to scott and I don’t see myself stopping until I get ignored because he got so popular he just cannot realistically reply to everyone (please that’s nightmare day😭😫) < can y’all tell I like attention?

ps. he posted the cutest ramble on his stories yesterday I watched it like seventeen times I can’t believe stories disappear I need to eat this man!

okay thank you for letting me take you on this journey. I hope you can understand I’m really going through it with him at the moment (because I’m fucking on crack and also delusional) and there will definitely be more tumblr posts where I cry about him (I can’t say I’m sorry)

mwah! sending love jae :) <3

[truezero]

OK TOH THOUGHTS let’s go (these are just in order of the episodes progression btw)

Spoilers for Clouds on the horizon below

-look at the collector being a silly little guy!! Love them fr fr

-“what if it’s all chaaaanged? What if YOU changed??” Dude

-“you can barely keep your human shape anymore!” DUDE

-ok so at the very least we know that they aren’t gonna make a new grimwalker while Hunter is still around

-but also Belos’ utter lack of care about him makes me :(

-Yeah Belos free the collector, I don’t think they’re one you want to break a promise of :)

-“you need to have more faith in pinky swears >:(“ the collector grows on me more and more every episode I swear

-I could go on a whole rant about why the shift from their initially just kinda silly behaviour (in my opinion) to truly childlike nature is what both warmed me up to them and made me very scared for him

-but that’s for another post

-KIKI GOT FUCKING DEMOTED LMAO

-I’m gonna punt her

-hidden Blight kids what they doing

-“Blights always uphold their end of the deal” FUCK you

-oh hang on so Odalia talks about “reconsidering her deal” with Alador and immediately moves into talking about how the kids should get more involved, does that mean that Alador has been convincing Odalia not to shove them into business work? I hope so

-HE LOOKS SO DISTRESSED OH NO

-I must say I am enjoying Alador’s gradual redemption. I like that he hasn’t been forgiven right away, reasonably so, but is working to be better I think that’s just a very good way to go about his character and I’m very happy about it

-ok scene change to sum up fuck Odalia I’m gonna crime her

-Dude I want to give King a hug so bad

-LUZ HAS A LITTLE PONYTAIL

-Eber is real funny lookin’ I love them

- AAA Eda seems like she’s trying to put up a brave face and I’m gonna sob

- EGG EGG WGG EGG EGG EGG THATS SO SWEET

-AWE EDA ENCOURAGING LUZ TO GO SAVE AMITY

- “bossy boots” 🥺🥺🥺

-Raine making a promise to Luz aaaaaa

-YES MAKE IT YOUR BATTLE CRY CAUSE PROBLEMS FOR DARIUS SPECIFICALLY

-DUDE Katya is so fun and also my sister is so gay for her

-THEY’RE BEST BUDDIES I LOVE THEM

-H U N T E R MY DARLING THERE HE IS HE HAS A NEW OUTFIT I AM GOING TO GIVE HIM A KISS

-HÉ HAS A HANDSHAKE WITH GUS AWE

-HUNTER BB NO YOU’RE MORE THAN THAT :(

-Gus using the thingy he nabbed from Adrian is so excellent

-“SORRY MAN” Hunter my beloved

-why’d they slide in like that gkdjdhd

-YESS Hunter jumping in to help Luz they are siblings your honour I love them

-THEY ARE ALL SO POWERFUL LOOK AT THEM GO

-LUZ GO BLUSHYYYY THEYRE SO CUTE

-ROMEO AND JULIET MOMENT WITH THE BALCONY MY GOD

-AYO flowers around the balcony??

-ODALIA FUCKING BROKE THE TAMAGOTCHI I’m gonna commit a crime actually

-they tried to burn down. The FUCKING factory. I sometimes fear the Blight twins just as much as I love them

-NOOO AMITY :( I’m giving her a hug too everyone is getting hugs

-Emira prompting Amity to talk about Luz,, I’ll cry methinks

-“I would say all that :)” they’re so cute I’m on the FLOOR

-THE FLOWER FRAMING RESEMBLES THE VINES AROUND THE WINDOW WITH EDA AND RAINE FROM TTBK

-LUZ SPINNING AMITY AROUND IS SO GOOD AND SWEET

-holy shit did the frame rate go up when amity said “I know”

-KISSKISSKISSSKISSKISSKISS AAAAAAAADJGIKSJDDH DISINTEGRATING

-c r i k e y

-They are such nerds I’m going to scream slash positive connotation

-AMITY MAKING THE SAME FACE AS BACK IN THE TUNNEL OF LOVE SHE LOVES HER GIRLFRIEND

-oh yeah everyone else is here too

-HUNTER LOOKS SO GRUMPY

-STEVE TIME

-ooh haven’t seen the elixirs in a while that’s slightly concerning

-HOOTY WEARING CLOTHES WHO DID THIS

-why is Amber the one piloting the ship she’s too TINY FOR THAT

-“it won’t change your voice, so try not to say much” that’s gonna come back

-EDA STILL HAS HER GOLD TOOTH I GUARANTEE THATS GONNA COME BACK

-oh god there goes her head I forgot she could just do that

-mmmm I don’t quite like that they just h a v e a sigil glove

-I trust Steve with my life but it is TERRIFYING that he can (is about to) brand Eda with a sigil just at any given notice

-why the FUCK does Odalia’s hair move like that

-Kiki looks so pathetic it’s incredible

-they are hiding :)

-AWE NO LET KING HELP

-THE COLLECTOR IS IN KING’S HEAD THATS PROBABLY NOT GOOD

-I do NOT like how even the collector HIMSELF is doubtful of Belos’ integrity I am so prepared for him to betray the collector (never planned on freeing them in the first place maybe?) and the collector to go NUTS

-maybe that’s how we get collector!Luz? They team up because the collector feels betrayed and they’re like “Y’know what we do not like each other but this puritan bitch has to go”

-is king getting kidnapped with a trail of hex mix I swear to god

-The music is always so peppy when we get a new Blight product that dichotomy of sound and what’s actually happening is AWESOME

-SNORSEPOWER

-Snorses :)

-dude Kikimora just getting fucking picked up is so funny

-“IM TALLER THAN E V E R Y O N E” she’s so unhinged oh my god

-she’s going to kill someone with that

-and I have no idea if it’s going to be on purpose or not

-WHY THE FUCK IS THERE A RAT THAT LOOKS LIKE ALADOR

-is that his palisman

-I’m gonna start a riot if that’s his palisman

-I don’t even mean it negatively just fucking RAT

-Hunter trying to trick Odalia has no right being as funny as it is

-Dude how did Odalia not notice the abomination-purple hair poking out of one of those masks

-stop calling his voice annoying :(

-“sOrrY mAn” coven scout noooo

-AYO every one of the wild witches in this scene look awesome why are these designs so jammin’

-ok good King didn’t get kingnapped

-King hanging out with Alador? Not what I expected but I’ll gladly take it

-how is Odalia still running a business dude you can’t just fire HALF A TEAM and expect the same work rates

-I hate her

-she’s literally a toxic store manager but a million times worse

-GIRL GIVE YOUR HUSBAND A WEEKEND OFF WHAT THE FUCK

-“sounds like I joined the wrong coven” does mans not get LUNCH BREAKS??

-THE WIND BLOWING AFTER KING MENTIONED NEVER MEETING HIS DAD

-IS THE TITAN TEYING TO GIVE HIM A LITTLE PUSH ON THE SWING

-SCREAMING

-dude did Alador make that swingset for the kids??? It’s very abomination-y so it doesn’t seem unlikely

-I hope so that’s so cute

-“I’m gonna spend more time with my kids. Get to know them.“ SOBS

-oh fuck he knows now

-“I’m tired of all this draaama” I’m going to kill you

-AWE AMITY DEFENDING LUZ LOOK AT HER STANDING UP TO HER MOM I’M SO PROUD OF HER

-“oh no, no, that won’t do” dude she’s literally acting like Luz is like,,, a fashion choice or an object she’s so yuckyyyy

-YESSS GO AMITY SHE’S SO POWERFUL

-STOP HUNTER LOOKS SO SCARED AT KIKI THREATENING TO BRING HIM TO BELOS

-all the more reason for me to punt her

-“The Emperor has eyes everywhere” THERE BETTER NOT BE A TRAITOR I SWEAR TO GOD

-I really hope it’s just the collector watching through King and not a traitor

-oh fuck they plotting

-GO AMITY HELL YEA SHE IS UNBELIEVABLY POWERFUL

-“IT WAS THE POWER OF SCIENCE” what a nerd

-WHAT THE FUCK SHE KNEW ALREADY

-ODALIA IS SO SO ICKY

-G O D

-bro Amity gets her red-faced trait from her dad that’s kinda cute

-THANK YOU ALADOR FOR REALIZING YOUR WIFE IS SHIT

-I forgot how oracles fight that’s pretty sick

-WAITWAIT LUZ DID THE HUNTER TELEPORT

-THAT’S NOT NORMAL

-ARE THEY ILLUSIONED AS EACH OTHER

-ok “Hunter” blowing a raspberry at Kiki they’re definitely illusioned as each other

-“Hunter” did Luz’s classic little lip curl

-I will now be pointing out every detail that is proving this until either they switch back or I am proven wrong

-“LUZ” HAS A TOOTH GAP

-I REPEAT

-TOOTH GAP

-also both of them aren’t talking much did Steve not say illusions can’t change voices 👀

-Ok so Luz’s plan was definitely to illusion them as each other for some reason yea

-unfortunately, the jet pack did indeed work

-NO ODALIA LETS NOT GET BACK TO BUSINESS I AM GOING TO BITE YOU

-YES GO AMITY CUT HER OFF

-mmm Odalia calling amity “princess” just really gave me the icks I Do Not Like

-AYO Alador can pack a fuckin punch his eyes went purple and everything

-“Also, I quit” DIVORCE ARC

-“I’ve been meaning to find a new competent business partner anyway” Odalia that’s your fucking HUSBAND. Who you are MARRIED TO

-this slightly implies that she married him purely for business and that’s just :(

-and off into the mist she goes

-bye bye bitch I hate youuuu

-damn even Alador is scared of Odalia

-Gus is still holding an illusion even though the fight is over 👀 👀

-DUDE I FUCKIN CALLED IT

-THERE HE IS

-HE LOOKS SO DISTRESSED HE IS NOT USED TO KINDNESS FROM ADULTS ALSO HE IS NOT IN FACT LUZ

-oh no

-OH NO

-OK SO LUZ GOT HERSELF CAUGHT AS HUNTER ON PURPOUSE

-WOW THATS NO GOOD

-FUCKING CLIFFHANGER GOD DAMN IT

FINAL THOUGHTS

Very good episode 8.5/10 Hootys from me

[wildymoon]

WILBUR LORE SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

NOTE: THE BELOW IS TALKING ABOUT THE CHARACTERS FROM THE DREAM SMP, NOT THE CONTENT CREATORS OR ANY OF THEIR OTHER CHARACTERS.

I want Wilbur to apologize again, what we got at the start of the stream wasn't enough imo.

Before anyone yells at me about the whole threatening Dream thing being a grand old attempt at making amends, I feel like I need to explain why doing that cancelled out a fair bit of the good it does.

Because on one hand, great! Dream has no more power over him, in theory.* Tommy still has his discs, Dream is royally fucked (especially if people like Quackity didn't know where he's been hiding until now, cause that information's bound to leak out), and Wilbur has gotten what he wanted: a way to protect Tommy as much as he possibly can from the green bastard that nearly took his life so many times (and succeeded thrice), as well as a way to fully legitimize himself and the nation he created.

But on the other hand, there are so many problems and downsides to this plan. Don't get me wrong, I loved it and was on the edge of my seat the whole time, plus I doubt I (or most other people) could come up with a much better way to do it, but the only two things about the plan (not the execution of it) that Wilbur got flawlessly (or close enough to it) were Dream's weakness and Tommy's reaction needing to believe the discs were genuine.

Here's a list of the things I believe Wilbur should (but probably won't, partially because I don't think he would/should regret most of it, but also because this confrontation felt final enough that I don't think there'd be a continuation) apologize for:

In order to even come up with this plan, he had to push Tommy into taking him to Logstedshire, despite him being INCREDIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE WITH IT.

Outright lying to Tommy about the flint and steel wasn't a fun part of the plan, but I'll pass it cause it would've freaked him out more if he knew Wilbur had it and wasn't using it. Still putting it on the list cause I want to recognize it.

Mentioning he was tired of all the self-targeted damage/death, before immediately turning around and threatening to burn himself alive if Dream doesn't follow orders, which definitely wouldn't be good for the mental health of someone who was contemplating jumping off a cobble tower (and technically did so) and is already panicking over being in the same inescapable building as his abuser and three-time murderer.

Continuing off of that actually, threatening to do it when Tommy started freaking out about the discs. He does not want to see Wilbur (regardless of iteration) die in front of him for what is at least the 3rd time, if not the 5th.

Telling Tommy to shut up basically whenever he spoke. Things do get more complicated when there are multiple voices talking at once and you start getting anxious you're not being heard, but damn did you have to be such a dick about it? Especially when (iirc) Dream gave him that order as well, several times, in a similar tone.

Making the entire scenario about him, as Tommy mentioned on the way to the community house. It worked, but that's not as good when you realize it's only gonna stoke that kind of behavior. I don't really know how to talk about this for a couple of reasons though...

Getting the 'discs' burnt, which caused Tommy a great deal of distress. Again, already traumatized and you add this to the pile. Ouch.

TL;DR, I want Wilbur to apologize for putting Tommy through like 5 chained emotional wringers. He can be proud of his plan working (despite it being kinda D:), but just give us an apology for taking away another like 20 years from Tommy's revived lifespan through stress alone.

* I had to rewatch the video to make sure both discs were burnt, in my first go-through I only saw Mellohi and was certain Dream kept Cat. He didn't, but imagine the chaos IF Wilbur thought he burnt both and he didn't. Someone would get screwed over then.