#and its just so annoying and painful and my doctor doesn't even know how to help 😭

[pinkbugtype]

I'm really brave and strong and I am not upset that I have a problem that affects me daily that even my specialist lead in the field doctor doesn't know how to help me with

[crusty-chronicles]

BONUS AIRHEADED S/O HEADCANNONS: Law (One Piece)

You remind him so much of Corazon it hurts. 

Yes you get on his nerves. And yes it's a pain to have to replace all the equipment you damaged. 

But everytime you come into his office with a bloody nose because you tripped, he can't help but feel a little nostalgic. 

You lit the kitchen on fire trying to cook?

You're never allowed in there without supervision. But as he's patting out the flames on your body, he's fighting the urge to smile.

You slipped preparing to fight a marine?

He almost forgets to ‘shamble’ you out of the way watching you flail your arms for balance. 

You made him coffee?

He's making you drink it first and hiding his laugh behind his hand as you spit it out. 

“Too salty!!!!” You said while clutching your throat at the taste.

Sometimes he just wants to pick your brain to see what's really going on there.

“Can you smell what purple tastes like?” You asked him once.

His response: “You're an idiot.”

He's a lot more gentle with you than he'd like to admit.

Dabbing alcohol on a scrape you got and actually stopping when you wince.

Resetting any bones you dislocated and muttering a ‘sorry’ when you react negatively.

His words are somehow less crass when he's scolding you.

“What happened this time?” He questioned as you stumbled your way to his office.

“I slammed my head through a wall.”

A dark bruise forming in the center of your forehead.

He gives a grumble, but nevertheless, he's putting some ointment over the mark to soothe the sting.

The lecture he'd have prepared for any of the crew gone. 

In its place is something teasing.

“Is the wall okay?” There's a smile tugging his lips as he finishes bandaging your head. 

“....”

You actively avoid his gaze and it makes him panic.

“Hey! You didn't-!”

“CAPTAIN WE'VE SPRUNG A LEAK!”

He should find it exasperating, really. At this point, treating your small injuries has become a daily occurrence. 

 Instead, he looks forward to it. It's cathartic. 

Applying small bandages, wrapping what was sprained, hell even plucking out the splinters from your fingers.

Despite all the paperwork he has to fill out, he makes time to treat you because he knows you're bound to come to him with something else.

The crew starts making bets on either what you'll destroy next or where you'll get hurt. 

(He occasionally joins in and always ends up winning.)

Snfjrkjf Sachi and Penguin making you a #1 Best Patient Award.

He should find your never ending rambling annoying. 

But he enjoys how you always manage to fill the silence. 

You catch him off guard every time with some of the things you say. 

More often than not you're calling him Doctor instead of Captain.

Something he'd get after anyone but you for.

He just can't find it in him to correct you.

Not even Bepo gets away with as much as you. 

He'd deny babying you. He knows you're strong. 

He's seen you take out fleets. 

He's seen you get stabbed and continue trucking on.

If you've got devil fruit powers, he's seen you level towns by accident with it.

But he's so impossibly soft on you that he can't help it.

He can't help always having you in his line of sight 

He can't help carrying around a few extra stones just in case you get into trouble 

He can't help scanning you with his ability to see if you're hiding something from him.

He realizes he likes you way more than he should've when you get sick 

You'd contracted something from an island the Tang had docked on. 

And because you're you, you don't know what caused it.

He hates your naivety when it comes to times like these. But he hates seeing your frail state even more.

Never had he seen you so weak.

It scared him.

You're bedridden and it has him worried.

He should be able to cure whatever you had. 

But a few weeks go by and your condition doesn't seem to get any better.

He feels like a failure.

And every time he comes to give you a new treatment, you muster up the energy to smile so softly at him.

You could be dying, and still you find some damn reason to be happy, simple minded as you are.

It only spurs him on harder to make a cure.

All he can think of is your stupid smile. 

It's all too reminiscent of that night. Of Corazon.

Trying to put the best version of yourself forward before you died.

Wanting to be remembered full of life.

It's all so painfully familiar. 

So when he checks on you the next day and you beam up at him, he asks you.

“Why? Why do you smile everytime you see me? I've failed you as your doctor and captain to find a cure. So why?”

He half expects you to say it's because you don't want him to feel bad. But he should know by now to expect the opposite from you.

“Because I know you're gonna take care of me. I know you're gonna figure out what's wrong with me, so I have nothing to worry about. Really it just feels like I get to spend extra time with you.”

Your words have his heart stopping. And that damn smile of yours is somehow ten times bigger.

His face feels like it's burning.

You really trusted him that much? To the point where dying didn't even cross your mind when the thought had haunted his mind for weeks?

But what ultimately does him in is how you don't see his failures as failures. You take his inability to create a cure as an opportunity to talk to him.

What was wrong with you?

What was wrong with him for wanting to pursue you when you got better?

When, not if, because he was gonna make sure he had that damn cure by the end of the week.

You have not a singular thought behind your eyes and it makes him want to bang his head against the wall until he's on your level mentally.

You have his entire heart in the palm of your hand and you don't even know it.

It doesn't help he's so awkward when it comes to romance.

He can't approach you in the normal sense because you won't pick up on it.

Flirting? The Trafalgar Law trying to flirt with a moron who would probably think he was being nice? He'd rather toss himself into the ocean than embarrass himself like that.

Confess his feelings????

And completely stutter over his words because how can he possibly convey the fuzzy feeling in his chest when you're near?

Let the crew try to set you two up when his aloof behavior is finally noticed?

He's shambling his way out of the room the second he figures out what's going on.

He doesn't tell you he loves you. He probably never will.

But he goes out of his way to show it.

He doesn't let you go off by yourself when it's time to explore a new island.

Grasping your hand when no one else is looking and hoping you don't feel the clamminess of it.

If he's the one cooking, it's always your favorite dishes served.

Watching from the corner of his eye to gauge your reaction and mentally cheering when you start scarfing it down.

He lets you into his office when he's working. Anybody else would have been shooed off if it weren't important.

Half listening to your excited rambling about a really cool fish you saw through the sub’s window. 

That is until you ask him about what he's writing. And he'll explain everything to you no matter how long it takes for you to understand.

He's okay with you not knowing about his feelings.

Until he forms an Alliance with Strawhat and you get along a little too well with him. 

Maybe it does hurt his ego a little when you compliment Luffy's devil fruit. Asking him to sling-shot you across the Sunny.

Maybe it is jealousy churning in his gut seeing how hard you laugh at Luffy's jokes. (Sure Law didn't joke around much, but he made you laugh too didn't he?)

Maybe it infuriates him to see you hanging off of the other captain drunkenly. 

But maybe, just maybe he realizes he has nothing to worry about when you turn to him with a smile. 

Stumbling over and pulling him into a hug. Cheek nuzzling against his own.

And maybe he doesn't mean it when he tells you to get off of him. Complaining that you're annoying despite the rapid beating of his heart.

---------------------------------------

An: What better way to celebrate this day of fools than with Airhead Headcannons. I really gotta get the Yoko headcannons out there 😞 As you can probably tell, I've been binging one piece. I didn't expect to like Law as much as I did. Perchance look forward to a one shot 👉👈

MASTERLIST

[cuddles-with-dragons]

a shitload of incorrect quotes

Tech: *clicks pen* Crosshair: *clicks pen in response* Wrecker: Stop that. Tech: Stop what? Wrecker: You’re talking about me in Morse code! Tech: Yes, that’s what we doing. In our very limited time, we took a class on a very outdated, very unnecessary form of communication just so we could talk about you in front of you. Congrats, you figured us out! *later* Crosshair, to Omega: That’s actually exactly what we were doing.

Hunter: What’s something you guys are better than Crosshair at? Wrecker: Mario Kart. Omega: Yeah, all video games except first-person shooters and The Last Of Us. Tech: Emotional vulnerability.

Tech: If you took a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be? Hunter: Maybe a bit tipsy? Echo: Drunk. Wrecker: Wasted. Crosshair: Dead.

Echo, setting down a card: Ace of spades. Tech, pulling out an Uno card: +4. Crosshair, pulling out a Pokémon card: Absol, I choose you! Hunter, trembling: What are we playing?!

Wrecker: What is love? Hunter: An emotional minefield. Tech: A neurochemical reaction. Omega: Baby don't hurt me.

Crosshair: What starts with F and ends with Uck? Echo: No it doesn't. Tech: Firetruck! Omega: FUCK!

Omega: I wish I could control wasps and bees to sting my enemies. Hunter: You’re too young to have enemies. Omega: You don’t even know.

Crosshair: If I die, you can have what little I own. Hunter: Wait. What do you mean "if" you die? Crosshair: My unending existence is fuelled by pure spite, that of which the painful experiences of life have rendered me full. Hunter: Hunter: *Sigh* Let me call your therapist again.

Nexu: I’m not a doctor, I’m a medic. Wrecker: What’s the difference then? Nexu: Well doctors actually save lives, medics just make you feel more comfortable as you die. Crosshair: Note to self; never get shot.

Crosshair: Hand me the people opener. Hunter: ... Hunter: Pardon? Crosshair, annoyed: The people opener! Just hand it to me! Hunter, stressed: WHAT THE FUCK IS A PEOPLE OPENER? Crosshair: How do you not know what a people opener is? Its pointy- you know? With a handle? Hunter: Knife. It's called a knife.

Omega, hugging Crosshair: Do you feel any better? Crosshair: I feel much better now that you're here with me. *Hunter walks in* Crosshair: I feel half better.

Hunter: Would you rather kill Tech, or— Echo: Yes, kill them. Hunter: I didn’t say the other thing— Echo: I don’t need to hear it. Tech: …I’m feeling a little unsafe.

Benji, to cadet Crosshair: Oh my stars you are so cute and small! Crosshair: *proceeds to kick him in the shin and run away* Hunter, walking past: Rule number 1, don't call Crosshair cute or small.

Hunter: Omega is at that very special age where a kid only has one thing on their mind. Crosshair: Murder? Omega: Murder.

Hunter: How high are you? Crosshair: 6'4". Tech: No, he's asking what drugs are you on. Crosshair: Oh, antidepressants, why?

Crosshair: Hey, do you know the password to Hunter’s computer? Omega: Fuck you, Crosshair. Crosshair: Hey!! Omega: No, you misunderstood, the password is "fuckyouCrosshair". Crosshair: Oh, no numbers? Not very safe.

Omega: In my defense, I was left unsupervised. Echo: Wasn’t Crosshair with you? Crosshair: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

Tech: I will find us a ride. Tech: If you two can manage to not kill each other while I'm gone. Omega: Oh, please. We're not children. *Tech leaves* Omega, casually: ...Eat shit and die. Crosshair, also casually: Yes, fuck you.

Omega: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon? Crosshair: I'm a knife. Wrecker, from across the room: He's the little spoon.

Crosshair: Fun Fact! The average person will walk by 36 murderers in their lifetime. Echo: I like how this is a "fun" fact. Hunter: It's fun because they didn't decide to murder you.

[fantomette22]

Hello how you doing? ^-^

I have not checked tumblr in months but its always wonderful to see you to keep the gehrmaria space alive.. and I want to ask if you have hcs for how they both behave when the other is sick and needing care? Please and thank you dear friend ~

Hi anon! :D thank you a lot for the ask and checking in! You always put a smile on my face :) (Idk if you got other social media too that would be a pleasure to chat with you!)

I’m doing fine I would say. That depends the days.

And yeah I know I should do more on them! ejfssdhkfeihfkdskn

But yes I think you’ll be happy to know I have quite a few headcanons and ideas about this specific subject!

Well aside the AU where everyone is kinda alive and happy and they share a house, and sometimes got sick here*, I feel that in a more canon compliant setting they would rarely got sick thanks to the old blood. (*So yeah in AU they would be very sweet and patient and take care of each other when the other got sick for sure!)

Still with the hunt and all they would get hurt often and you can't always use old blood for every little scrape you got. You know you need to be careful with using old blood and all ;)

So at first I imagined when Maria got her first blood transfusion she stayed in a coma for maybe like 2 days. And her friends relay themselves at her bedside. So Gehrman did that for a huge part. (won't share all the context here but it's after facing off the keeper of the old lords! It was a a huge thing for her but she still decide to continue on the 3rd floor and Ludwig and Gehrman had to drag her back after getting KO by a gel enemy (you know the slime that fall on you)... she shouldn't have overdo it...

They did save each other lives from death situations more than once too! Even going as to carry the other on their back to get to safety! So yeah they got other others! (Yes Maria did that for Gehrman too!)

I always imagined Laurence was mainly the one to patch up and heal the old hunters who got hurt (logic) but as he got more busy and can't be everywhere, I feel they would all take care of one another and especially Maria and Gehrman being the more at ease with it (to heal the others).

I hc of course Laurence as a doctor or even surgeon (+priest lol) he is the best at sewing back skins for exemple but followed by Gehrman who's the second best! (I mean he can sew tissue very well so. Apparently it's not that far off! So now I imagined they trained together at Byrgenwerth on tissue and skins. Help ekdbd)

And then Maria learn it too. So, I imagined more than once, they might have sew back each other skins too! So yeah.

I had this silly idea... that show that they trust each other on that quite well. Like one day they are patching up, cleaning the scratches they got. It's just the 2 of them at the workshop. And at some point Maria's like : "hey hm... I got a pretty bad scar on my back hm would that be alright if you stitch it up?"

"Oh euh sure no problem."

"No I mean I need to take my shirt off... does that bother you?"

"OH! Hm... well we can wait for a nurse if that bother you..."

"No it's fine its it's you it's just... I understand if..that bother you...."

"Well... if that doesn't bother you... it's hm fine with me I think.."

"Alright..."

And it's awkward for like 2 mins before they start it. I mean it's fine she have her back to him and holding her shirt in front of her so it's ok. (wtf I am even talking about help)

Also Gehrman always have so tea or infusion for any kind of pain so he gave her a few remedy and receipt he have. But he love to prepare it too.

I also imagined that very occasionally Gehrman still got phantom pain in his leg/foot. Sometimes it's just slithy bothering or annoying but at times the pain is just too much. He can't do anything, just sitting there, gritting his teeth, almost on the verge of tears... waiting for it to pass. Somehow the better thing that smooth him is Maria presence. Talking to him and being with him. it helped the pain pass and being more beareble. (He never show that side of him to anyone but to her he did. They are here to help each other at when they're really not well. He did that for her too in the past until well.... When there were all the drama with Cainhurst and all for exemple.)

And last little thing hm. Still need to figure details but before she passed away, and clearly wasn't at her best, I imagined that maybe Gehrman did take care of her a bit. Making sure she sleeps and eat and all. Making sure she could donation and her own again. she did but well... you know how that end later. And he became slowly a giant mess without her presence...)

Sorry that's clearly not sweet so let's get back to the making soup and tea for each others and something 😭 patching up and telling the other to be careful not overdo it. Yeah that's better.

-----

Also I did try to draw something quick the other day too. It’s very messy I don’t think I did a very good job here. I didn’t wanted to post it at first.. But I figure it would still be nice to share to you and maybe others would still appreciate it as well! (I get what's like to be desperate for content and taking every lil bit so I can at least provide that!)

So there it is ^^

Have Gehrman patching her up and Maria calming him from phantom pain.

[theempressofthenile]

Vulnerability: Healing The Body One Day At A Time.

Sometimes I want to stay private. Other times I want to open up. Staying hidden had been a sanctuary at one point. Not sharing with the world my feelings and what damaged me. I got tired of feeling burdens in my body, so at the moment where can I start?

In this present moment, I'm sad. I'm lonely. I'm tired. I'm depressed. I'm anxious. I'm worried. I'm exhausted. I'm hopeless. It seems the descriptions of lower feelings doesn't end. I've tried ignoring these feelings, replacing them with good thoughts. Trying to keep an optimistic smile, but that fake smile started to hurt.. And the mask began to wear off one day at a time.

It hurts to feel loneliness, but the truth is nothing can steal your joy but whatever dried up emotions are left infiltrating the mind with unwanted banter.

Its like... I can point out my flaws and my differences but I can't face the truth. I'm tired of truth. It's all I see everyday.

And what makes it funnier? I'm an oracle, and all I do is be 100% honest with people, but with me.... I lie so the triggers won't push too deep. I've ignored the villain that was imposter syndrome, and constantly took life too serious... Until life became a big circus show. And I'm the circus freak giving my performance.

Im annoyed, and constantly fighting tears. When I would cry and have those battles on the ground screaming 'I can't do it', it told me to get up and pick myself back up. You've grown up... you can't waddle your way out of this one.

I had no clue what I was doing, and before I still didn't, this new phase of adulthood I'm entering seems too much to handle but this where reality starts to hit. You're getting.., old. Older. More mature. Buying a house, getting a new car, even creating your own family. Life started to get a little practical... I thought I'd be a kid forever. But I was only talking about the imagination. Its fun being an adult, its so much freedom. It's just... I'm not built for whatever this reality is trying to show us, but I'm still trying. I'm still bringing forth change in my mindset, being more resilient. And allowing myself to be more than what my mind is constantly saying to me.

I've faced myself so much in 2023... Like.. the amount of times I had to look at myself in the mirror and could not escape. And sleeping with a mirror facing your bed don't make it no better, just makes you feel the emotions quicker (i got an interesting feeling when it comes to mirrors... portals man, portals).

I guess society has gotten its grip on the depressed gang, I've been working my way thru it. Theres absolutely no way in telling people that its easy to let go. Just something you learn to process on your journey. I'm learning both can be true at once. I'm learning to figure out what works, even if it takes a journey to reveal itself to me.

So how is this effecting my body... I get random body aches, I've had to make several hospital visits.. all of which there was no idea where the problem was truly stemming from. The doctor would prescribe me pills, they'd work for a while. Then later... the pain would come back again.

When our bodies are feeling pain especially in the organs, theres a spiritual connection that is making that happen. I use spiritual loosely here, what I mean is that our bodies can be carrying a lot of unwanted emotions. Be it rage, stress, depression, anything we don't want to feel but finds its way stuck in the body it'll start messing with your insides later on. When our spirits cannot rely the message, our bodies will for us.. for better or for worse.

I've found out I have health issues I didn't know existed.. I'm joking, well not really. I had no clue what galbladder disease was and def not anything with the gut. Even though I'd have random stomach aches here and there I never knew this would actually be an underlying problem. I didn't think I'd end up with a bunch of problems and it taking years to fix... Although I can be stubborn, I finally changed the way I ate.. it's been helping a bit.. I always did physical activity, but I noticed in my my present reality (3-6 months) its every other day out of the week. That's okay.

With accepting this truth I learned to be open to it because I started bawling.. I was losing weight like a mf and I had to drop all my clothes, still gotta do it now, or just get them tighten up. But its overwhelming.

I'm exhausted all of the time. My body is always on 'stop mode'. I can't work like the average woman because it gets me tired quicker. It kind of irks me because I want to do a little more but I just can't.

I feel as if I'm running out of time and I just don't know what to do. My subconscious is showing signs of paranoid thinking and I just can't see why I'm still running from my own reality.

its. just. too. much.

Im exhausted. And I've barely done anything.

I'm learning to feel my pain. Processing the very things that forced me into an uncomfortable matter.

It hurts to feel the feels of others dualities, but what do I do?

I gotta make amends with the shit I've dealt with, make use of them and take stride with whatever info comes up.

That's the secret. Pay attention to any fears, worries and anxious thoughts you could be picking up on because it's showing you a gate way to whats missing.

[househrt]

a songfic I'm yet to write: late season 8 pre-relationship Hilson + Outlook by The Front Bottoms (spoilers, obvs)

House and Wilson hang out for Wilson's birthday. It's not the perfect night, but they mostly enjoy themselves fine.

Wilson is awaiting results that he's trying to convince himself will be negative (he's just overreacting. He's an oncologist, he sees cancer everywhere. He's going to be fine, there's no use panicking now oh god he's panicking now).

House is being House, picking at Wilson's edges because he knows something's up and wants to find out what so he can diagnose and then treat the problem so everything can go back to normal. He's being annoying and it tips over from affectionate needling to genuinely frustrating Wilson and they argue. They know they'll get over it, like they always do, but they end the night on a sour note.

Then, Wilson gets his diagnosis. Positive.

You know that I would go anywhere for you

If I got the news no one wants to hear

House doesn't know how to use his words to tell Wilson how much he means to him. I mean, it's obvious, right? Wilson must know how House would do anything for him.

(House can't tell him, can't actually say the words. He's tried, but they get stuck in his throat. Too earnest, it makes it feel like he's already given up and accepted this is the end. How do you tell your best friend you're in love with him when he's just handed you his expiration date?)

It breaks me up thinking back to last Wednesday

It breaks me up thinking that's how it goes

Will this be the last time it happens

But in this situation, there's nothing House can do. He's overwhelmed by the anxiety and panic and dread of never getting to spend another one of Wilson's birthdays with him. They won't have another Christmas together, he won't have his favourite person on the other side of his office wall, he won't have the one person who makes his life brighter, worth sticking around for.

Close your eyes

No one knows

What a thing to happen on your birthday

Offering shelter from the attack

House tries to deny it, tries to act as if this isn't happening. If he closes his eyes tightly enough, if he pinches himself, if he can just get his brain to wake up from this dream, Wilson will be better. He'll be okay because he has to be okay. If House figures it out and does it perfectly, Wilson will be okay. He has to be.

I believe once you go to the doctor's

There is no going back

Wilson begs House not to take him to the hospital when it starts looking bad. Because the hospital means the end. The hospital means it's real. And he'd rather die here, on House's couch, where he knows he's always welcome and where the comforting smell of House surrounds him, than the sterile unfeeling hospital. He wants his last moments to be filled with House.

In my heart, there's a hole

And fill it up with smoke

I got no control, just get old

And watch it take its toll

And the only thing House can give Wilson is his word. He promises. He waits until Wilson's passed out from the pain and drugged haze, then he tells him: I'm here. Your life is worthwhile. I love you. I love you. I love you.

It figures that's the only time he manages to get the words out. He's a coward, even now. Scared of what it means. Scared of starting something he knows he's going to lose. Scared of feeling.

[kadajsbitch]

How they deal with you when you’re emotional:

Final Fantasy VII

Warnings: Language, 18+, talking about mental health

A/n: This is my first time writing for this blog so bear with me. Idk if it’s going to be an active blog, but I got so much FF7 stuff I made and haven’t posted so I’m just going to drop it here lol 💀 hope you enjoy.

Also gifs aren’t mine.

Yazoo:

His answer to seeing you emotional will always be space.

It pisses him off to see you upset but not in a, "Oh my poor baby" way, but more of a "I don't want their ass being moody because that kills my mood, and it's annoying that they can't even calm the fuck down to tell me what's wrong right now." Way… 💀

So in a way he cares... but overall, he just wants things to be “normal” so he can continue on with his usual ways of life peacefully.

Once you calm the hell down, he'll come to you with maybe a tissue and a glass of water (so that your not snorting your own snot every thirty seconds) and he'll ask you what happened.

If your having an emotional outburst due to something like someone pissing you off, or your in physical pain and/or mental pain, he'll go into action to make sure its immediately taken care of ether that be dragging you to a doctor, or taking care of who bothered you.

If it's something having to do with something minor like a movie or book making you cry, then he very much will not be comforting you. You not being able to handle something fictional or even something based on real life (true crime, etc) is your own fault.

Maybe if said book is a work of Non-fiction and it was genuinely fucked up, he might add two cents and validate you on why your pissed but don't expecting him to cuddle and love you, and wipe your tears.

If it has to do with family stuff however, his reactions vary depending on the type of family situation, but he'll definitely try to be more comforting in the sense of not outright leaving you immediately despite it making him uncomfortable.

Kadaj:

Unlike Yazoo who walks away because he's not in the mood to deal with you in your upset state, he walks away because he knows how he gets when he's like this.

The last thing he would want was someone to see him at his lowest, and he feels it'll make you less prone to getting in this state if you don't have someone constantly comforting you.

Doesn't mean he isn't concerned however.

He'll find you after awhile and ask for a detailed explanation as to why you were so upset and like Yazoo, he goes into action.

If it's more on mental or physical side of an issue, he may offer some advice as to what he knows instead of wordlessly getting things set up for you, like Yazoo would.

If it's something minor, he's definitely annoyed but feels better knowing it's not something threatening.

"Why would you watch/read something like that when it clearly states in the description that it's that sort of (movie/show/book, etc)?" He’ll ask, probably rolling his eyes as he does so.

"Don't get anymore of this if your not going to be able to control your emotions."

Again, his reactions would vary depending on the family situations, because he does have some knowledge and experience when it comes to that, but he'd definitely be more comforting.

Loz:

Unlike either of his brothers, he immediately is standing up, looking at you like “what the fuck happened?"

Considering he could give less of a fuck about where and who he gets emotional with, you being upset in front of him doesn't phase him. It's just he wants to know what and/or who made this way.

In a way, he also wants to be there with you while you're in this state because he feels like he's the one who's constantly over emotional in front you, and so to him, it's like an "even" thing when it finally happens.

Not so much even, but he feels more comfortable being emotional when you are considering his brothers are far from emotional unless it's anger they’re displaying.

Surprisingly, he gives good mental advice if it has to do with mental health. Physical is something he'd have to get a second opinion on if that was the case, but regardless he's trying to help.

Uncomfortable with straight up cuddling (as are his brothers 💀), but he'll sit with you in either silence or try to talk to you to help you calm down.

If the reason for your emotional outburst has to do with something media like, he'll probably watch/read it to see if it'll give him that reaction too but most likely not. In that case he’ll probably shrug, a small smirk coming on his face because he can’t help but to feel in a sense more emotionally mature for once, but he’ll refrain from rubbing it in until your calm enough to handle his teasing.

If it's family, then he'll definitely listen and even end up throwing a situation that he's went through that's similar, once you finish and validate you on how your feeling. Overall, out of the three, he’s probably the best choice to talk to.

Bonus:

Sephiroth:

For the sake of this, I’ll be using C.C/Reunion Sephiroth. The remnants are still fairly new, and are adapting which is why I feel like they wouldn’t be out right evil in how they handle people they are acquainted with or have a more personal relationship with’s, emotional outburst.

Sephiroth is tricky when it comes to others having emotional outburst… as a war general, he’s used to seeing the effects of and after battle take toll on people and how they may become mentally vulnerable from it, and because of that he can be very indifferent and can come off a little harsh when he’s “comforting” those around him.

“Control yourself. This won’t be the first time you face obstacles such as these, so there’s no use in crying.”

If this is a situation outside of his usual work element however, he’d definitely feel conflicted on how to proceed.

Like his two other counterparts, I feel he’d separate himself from them due to randomly being thrown in this position. More so to keep himself calm.

I mean if we look back at C.C, he seemed fairly uncomfortable with Zack getting upset about the situation at hand, despite it being a dire one. So he’d definitely be further unraveled by someone having an outburst about something he may view as minuscule.

If it’s something having to do with someone bothering you, he’d have a quick reaction.

“Consider it taken care of.” He’d say stiffly, before hightailing it away from you to deal with whoever it was, hoping by the time he returned to brief you on what happened, you’d be more stable.

If it was mental or physical, like Kadaj he’d offer some advice on what he knew, but would ultimately do the more rational thing and suggest you speak to a doctor and/or therapist for your problems.

Again, going off from what we saw, C.C Sephiroth isn’t someone who really likes to be touched (despite him being so handsy in the remake 💀) so don’t be expecting a hug or for him to hold you or anything.

One time, a cadet was upset and he tried to force himself to do something other than stiffly telling them to get over it… he awkwardly held his hand out, and patted them… on the head.

While it did stop them from crying, the looks he got from those around him definitely made him reconsider ever offering physical comfort again. (He was trying though 😭)

If it’s something having to do with media, whether it be fictional or not, he’d simply shrug and tell you not read/watch those things if you couldn’t stomach it.

Family isn’t something he really has a grasp on, but he knows it’s important, and for your sake will try to listen and give his thoughts as best as he can for the sake of comfort.

[omegaversetheory]

Im aware that this question will sound weird af, but I Wonder if incest in your omegaverse au would be biologically impossible, i mean, alphas and omegas's instincts and bonds between each others are very scent-centered, so it would make sense that the sexual/romantic mechanisms of their instinctive part of the brain was genetically, chemically and evolutionary made and wired to reject all of those scents that have a very similar composition to their owns's, being an evolutionary change on their orgsnisms thst spoeared to prevent having defective descendants due either incest or endogamy

Lets put on an example, lets imagine that an alpha is very horny when it comes to omegas who are near his age, however, he doesn't feel anything towards his twin (fraternal, no identical) omega sister, even when she is on heat and he is in rut, neither of them feel anything morre for each other than the typical "stfu u annoying" sibling behavior, that would happen because when it comes to random omegas, the alpha's brain notices that their scents are something completely New and get possitively overstimulated by it, causing the horniness to happen, however, when it comes to his sister, his brain notices the evident similarities and automátically neutralizes the sexual instincts, so its basically impossible for him to see his sister in a weird way unless he has a genetic disorder or is just a gross person in general LOL (I dont even know if this makes sense, i just needed to take it out of my head omg)

You know what I've never thought about it. It's extremely ethnically immoral yes, but thinking about it now, no I would say it is biologically possible with the caveat that the body does almost everything it can do to make it impossible.

So yes, if you are feeling aroused, the scents of the people in close relation to you won't smell "desirable". Their scents won't change, they won't smell foul - rather your brain just knows they're your family and will point you in other directions. This would be the scent rejection you're talking about.

Besides that I'd also theorize that something about "getting it on" with a relative is physically painful - you don't want to go touching their bits with your bits. It's going to sting/burn/leave a mark then you'll need to go to a doctor and how embarrassing is that conversation. Perhaps, to add another layer - laying with a relative would leave you with a distinct new scent note. And not a nice one either, so people would immediately be able to smell it.

When it comes to heats/ruts, what you've described is I believe the common understanding. An individual is not impacted by the heats/ruts of their relatives - including but not limited to first/second cousins, parents, grandparents, siblings, "half" versions of any of the aforementioned relatives.

But as for more of your deep science-theory about the scent rejections, I like it! I'd love to hear more about your au and headcanons!

[aingeal98]

its me, still peeling cass like an onion. do you think cain had like, evil doctors on call? ig he probably handled most first aid himself, but like... the possibilities of an Evil Dentist enchants me. on a slightly more serious note, if they existed and they did any surgery on her, it was probably without sedatives or analgesics of any kind. reason 19468 why cass' pain sensitivity is stupidly fucked up

I love this ask so much. My first thought was like hmm maybe Cain blackmailed decent professionals into doing it because learning it all himself would be too much and evil people could try and double cross him. But honestly I think someone with a moral compass would always be more of a risk even if you're threatening their family like they could one day snap and try and take everyone down with them because the ethics just got too much for them to bear. So his best bet would probably be getting evil doctors and evil dentists who have zero morals and REALLY love their job. And Cain's like hey do you want a really fun test case where you'll be payed really well and can do literally whatever you want with your spare time as long as you don't damage this one girl permanently and I'm convinced it has a benefit? And you also have to use your medical knowledge to keep her healthy, but you can throw in as much pain as you want if that's what floats your boat.

Evil Dentist is a delightful thought. Most kids grew up with the tooth fairy. Cass grew up with a man in a lab coat who would collect her baby teeth for "experiments" and in return he helped deal with cavities and general oral hygiene. The first time her mouth went numb at the dentist she probably panicked so hard because wtf why are they drugging her? They're supposed to just fix her teeth! Where is the extreme agony and drilling? Where are the tests to see which nerves in her mouth can make her faint when forced to experience high levels of pain?

Cue Barbara and Bruce sitting outside in horrified silence contemplating this new aspect of her childhood they've just learned about. And the fact that there's a random dentist in Macau that may have her baby teeth and could be cloning her right now.

("We should fix that right? Cain probably killed him but we should track him down just in case?"

"She has a doctor's appointment right after this. Let's just try and get through that alive first.")

And if Cass isn't used to anesthetics, hospital visits and surgery must also be so annoying at first like OK I have shrapnel in my stomach. Get it out. Why do I have to be sleeping for this wouldn't it be much more helpful if I'm awake to make sure you're doing it right. Alfred stop feeling sorry for me this is a good thing. Makes me more competent.

Most of the time I think she probably wouldn't reference it too much because she's seen ordinary hospitals and how Leslie works in the clinic. She knows that her childhood medical treatment was uh... Not Normal. But sometimes it slips out when she's trying to be comforting.

Steph: My mom might have to get surgery to deal with her stomach acid problem and I can't lie, it scares me a little.

Cass: Don't worry. The stomach is messy and warm but it doesn't hurt that much when it's cut open. Not compared to legs and arms.

Steph:

Steph: You know what? I think I'm going to just go ahead and change the conversation topic

[nellie-elizabeth]

Grey's Anatomy: Blood, Sweat and Tears (20x08)

Full disclosure, I watched this episode with constant interruptions so my brain is even more scattered than usual as I try and remember everything that happened.

Cons:

Simone and Lucas just really isn't doing a lot for me. I wanted to be moved by Simone's speech at the end: "I'm a better Doctor because of you." I think the two of them have just caused each other too much pain, and not like... juicy, interesting, dramatic pain, just... two people acting really poorly, kind of boring and yet somehow simultaneously stressful to watch. So they hook up, and then the next day at the test, Lucas is avoiding Simone's eyes... come on. How many more rounds of pointless hesitation are we going to be on with these two?

Pros:

This Amelia and Monica thing is pretty fun. Nothing much has actually happened so far, but I'm excited for it to start happening. "I've seen your hands" is such a delightfully bonkers thing to say to a professional colleague, I don't think Amelia was at all off base with the vibe she was picking up. At least we get the (scarcely needed) confirmation that Monica is queer, as she drops the news that she's going through a messy divorce with her wife. I like what they're doing with Monica's character, she has a sort of no-nonsense attitude but she's so wonderful and affirming with her patients. I think it's that thing where if you talk to kids like they're human beings capable of knowing their own minds, they'll really respond to that. And the story about the young trans girl was really moving. When she revealed she was anxious about surgery because of people seeing her naked body, I teared up a little!

Dorian... holy shit, that was stressful as fuck, I thought they were going to kill him! This guy cannot get a break. As much as Lucas has annoyed me with his attitude about all of this, I do like the concept of it, the way Lucas has externalized his stress and bad feelings onto his patient, and actually has a pretty unique insight into how bad his time in the hospital has been accordingly. I hope Dorian doesn't take this setback too hard. I want to see this guy get to leave the hospital by the end of the season, please!

I actually liked Owen and Teddy's story in this episode if you keep it isolated: I have the feeling that it's going to cause more stressors between them based on the promo we saw for next week, and that already fills me with a sense of ennui. But for what this was all on its own? Yeah, I liked it. The two of them working together in the field to save lives, their day off interrupted by work but the two of them working well and not getting too fed up with the situation, this was all good stuff. I liked Owen's epiphany that they should invest in teaching people how to stop a bleed the same way they teach people to do CPR, and how this might save so many more lives. The daughter of the man who was injured had a really insightful point when she said that what Owen told her to do wasn't difficult, it was just that she didn't know what it was she should do, until someone told her.

The actress who plays Jules is lowkey one of the best performers this show has ever had. I think her character tends to be sort of muted compared to some of the bigger personalities around her, but when she gets her little moments, they really are affecting. It was so sweet for Yasuda to give up scrubbing in for a surgery in order to help Jules study. The moment when Jules is crying about how she just freezes up in front of the test and how she doesn't want to get fired and lose her job... that was so touching! And the two of them falling asleep together was sweet. I'm not saying I ship it, but honestly let's just go ahead and make this new MAGYK gang a polycule, shall we? I wouldn't be mad.

I heard the news recently that Schmitt will be leaving the show sometime in the next season, and that bums me out in a major way. I guess we'll have to hold on to every moment of him we do have left... and I liked the Jo and Levi moments in this episode, where Levi is confused and annoyed by Jo's apparent lack of investment, but when Jo reveals her anxiety about her patients, Levi immediately switches modes and reassures her that she's doing a great job!

That's all for this week. I'm definitely missing some little details given the scatter-shot way I approached this episode, but I thought there was a lot of promise here.

8/10

[achaiapelides]

Kit's Diary

Chapter 16

Dear Ty,

I'm sorry I didn't write anything for the last few days. I was so exhausted from all the trips we made, that I fell asleep the moment I went to bed and didn't even think about you. Well, lies, I still think about you. Your ghost still haunts me in my dreams. (Ok stop with the cheesiness Kit! That happens, when you listen to Taylor Swift too much!) What I mean is, that I still think about you in every spare minute and I still miss you, but when I think about you it doesn't hurt as much. First I was scared that I would fall out of love with you and loose all my feelings for you, but I talked with Tessa about this and she said that she feels the same with Will, but that doesn't mean that she loves him any less than when he was alive. It's just that she got so used to thinking about Will and the pain that comes with it, that she got used to it. And I got so used to the fact that I can't be with you right now and have so much else to do, that it doesn't hurt as much. Just like when a child gets vaccinated and the doctor distracts them while giving them the shot. The needle is still there, but it doesn't hurt as much.

But enough about me still pining for you. Surely you want to know what I did the last few days. Or you don't. But I'm telling you anyways because this is still a diary.

So, on Tuesday we rented bikes at the holiday resort and then rode them to the neighbouring town Knokke which is in Belgium. There we went first to a museum about the birds that live in the area. It was very interesting. You would probably like it here. The first part of the museum was inside and you could do a test, how much you know about the birds while learning new things about them. In the end, you can print out your result. Afterwards, you can go into a park outside, where you can watch some of the birds. There, we met some experts who gave the young birds trackers around their feet to be able to locate them later. In a hut that was build in the beach area we found another bird expert, who didn't work at the park but still explained some interesting things to us. Sadly, I didnt really understand much, but I'm sure you would have understood everything. After the walk through the park, we also walked through the national park, which is located right across the border between Belgium and the Netherlands. On the walk we encountered some cows (?), that were laying around right on the walking path. No, they didn't run away from their farmer, they just live in the national park. So, we hesitantly walked by the cows, when Mina had the glorious idea to run to the biggest of the cows and pet it. I really thought it would get annoyed or scared and try to attack Mina, but apparently a little human is not scary enough for them, so it let her pet its face. Then a little cow also let me pet it. It was so cute. I even forgot to take a picture of it, but I'm pretty sure one of my pare Jem or Tessa took one. I will ask them. When we finished the walk, we were able to enter the museum again to go all the way up to its roof so we could take a look at the whole are surrounding the building. They also installed these big binoculars where you have to pay a few cents to use it for five minutes. Naturally, that's exactly what Mina wanted to do, so we all took turns with the binocular. There are many fields surrounding the museum and we could even spot some more cows on another field, but I'm pretty sure they were another breed, as they seemed to have black fur.

Then, Mina complained about being hungry, so we ate at the Café, which is located in the same building. We all ordered hot chocolate and some waffles, since Belgium is famous for its waffles. Which they deserve, to be honest.

(Omg, as I'm writing this, I can hear some cats fighting outside of my window. They sound so funny. Haha. Oh no, my laughing scared them away. Sorry, cats.)

Anyways, back to Tuesday. After eating the waffles, we paid, and rode our bikes to the beach, where Mina and I swam in the sea again and collected a lot of shells.There are these beautiful, long onesn that I absolutely have to show you and we even found one that looked like a sunset.

In the afternoon we went back home, where Tessa taught me how to cook spaghetti, while Mina run around the house, very proudly displaying the knowledge of how to pronounce "binoculars" and showed the plush dove, that she bought in the gift shop of the museum around the house. After dinner I was very tired and immediately went to bed. Mina joined me to cuddle and I guess we both fell asleep. Tessa found us and took a photo of us, which I'm not going to show you. Like never ever. It's very embarrassing. I drooled so hard on the cushion. Ew.

(Just found out that one of the fighting cats outside was Church. He looked at me with such an angel face I got another laughing fit. Haha)

On Wednesday morning we decided to do something calm that day, so we just went to the shops and bought some postcards and a small kite for Mina. I also bought a blue cap and a hoodie. Sadly, the only hoodie that would fit me was pink, but since I don't possess any toxic masculinity, I bought it anyway.

Lucky for Mina and her kite, it was very windy, so we went to the beach afterwards and managed to fly the kite. We had packed some sandwiches, so we spend the whole day at the beach and ate ice cream on the way home. After dinner I almost immediately fell asleep again.

Yesterday, we went to Sluis, which is a small town a few kilometres away from Cadzand, where we explored the shops and took a look at the old windmill in the middle of the town. I bought a snow globe in the gift shop. Also, the church there is apparently getting turned into a house to live in, like Shadowhunters do it for their institutes. Maybe it will be an institute some day.

In the afternoon, when we returned home, we saw two bunnies in a garden that looked time they were kissing each other and shortly afterwards a whole bunny family. Obviously I had to take pictures. At home, we wrote post cards for the people we know and when I brought them to the post office, I saw a postcard in a shop with a drawing of two bunnies kissing. I don't know why, but I bought it and another stamp, and WROTE YOU A POSTCARD. Yes. A postcard. No, I don't know what was wrong with me at that moment, but I put it into the postbox before I could rationally think about it and panic. I did that when I returned home. So yeah, if you received a postcard with two kissing bunnies on it, that was me.

Anyways, here are some of the pictures I took in the last days: (loads of bunnies, some of the cows, a windmill and the church I was talking about)

Now I have to go, because we're going to a town called Breskens today.

Lots of love (and kissing bunnies)

Kit ♡

Author's note:

Here I am, back from the dead. And not even on a Monday. Embarrassing. I was so stressed the last few weeks, that I forgot to continue writing. And the next few weeks, I have some exams, so I don't think there will be a lot of updates following this one until September. But don't worry, afterwards I will hopefully update every Monday again.

[thebentbones]

I took my new name documents to the doctor to finally have my name changed after wrongfully being denied for a year, only to have the same vile receptionist tell me (actually not me, she only looked my mom the whole time, even when I was speaking directly to her) that they couldn't change my title and gender. She said, "we can only do that when they've had..." and gestured to her lower half.

When I said that I am able to do that actually she nodded along, and then said "well maybe if you go and do some research on it a bit we can work it out" I told her there was no need, as I have extensively researched it.

There's a back and forth of her saying to look into it (again, only addressing my mother) and me insisting I have, where she says that they've just been talking about it in the office and weren't sure what to do (which seems like something they should know, or immediately find out when it comes up). She told me to come back when I've done some research and talk to the practice manager. At one point she said to change title I'd need a new NHS number, and I said "yes, that's what I need you to do!" Thinking we'd finally got there, but then she went back to saying they couldn't do it.

So i'm desperately trying to get my internet to work to prove what I'm saying, but she is moving away back to her desk. Its obvious she doesn't believe me, or simply can't be arsed, and is trying to shut me down. She came over to tell me all this while I was in the waiting room waiting to see the doctor, so I'm panicking that I'm about to be called and that I'm losing her attention and my chance. Everyone in the room can hear what's happening.

I can't get the page to load but I tell her I know I'm right because it's the psce website I got my information from. This seemed to change something, and visibly annoy her, and she says she'll be back in a moment. When she comes back she says that she spoke with the office manager (if she's been here the whole time why not get her at the beginning?) and that it has to be done through psce, they'll start it now and it should be sorted in a few days. She gave no apology or explanation, she still did not even look at me.

Then my wrong name came up on the board for the whole room to see, starting with 'miss', as I was called into the doctor. A humiliation to rub salt in the wound. I was so excited to finally change my details after being wrongly denied for months, she took something that should have been joyful and made it painful and humiliating.

Honestly if my sister hadn't been there I think I would have taken the whole thing a lot harder. My sister was pissed though. When we got out of there she was so angry, talking about how it is straight up discrimination and fucking disgusting. We ranted it out together and it helped so much, like yes, that fucking sucked and was completely messed up, did that actually happen? What is that old bags problem? Maybe if you don't know how to speak to other human beings or what compassion is then this isn't the job for you.

The psce website says it takes no longer than 5 working days. So if it isn't done in one week, we will be walking back into that doctors office with the whole page printed off, highlighted at the relevant parts, and will not be leaving until it is done. Luckily I have support, not everyone does. I have to make sure they know this process so that the next person doesn't have to fight in order to be treated like a human being.

Weirdly every other place I've needed to update has been so easy, they just make a copy of my document and fill in a form. As soon as I get my new passport I can change the last few places and my deadname will be gone!

[anaid-queen]

Things I Love About This: a probably incomplete list

the bears look SO cute

and the magnets!! forehead kiss | full kiss | CHOKE- i can't

lil chibi Stone trying to drop hints ('someone special 😊😊') featuring TINY PURPLE HEARTS AS HE GAZES AT HIS DOCTOR WHERE HE CAN'T SEE

the jealous rage as Ivo pictures a faceless figure getting all that love 😭😭😭😭

Stone doesn't even flinch when he gets yelled at and his request denied my heart!!! HE JUST MAKES A CARD HIMSELF. seriously not only Robotnik does not deserve him NO ONE IN THE WORLD DOES!!!!!

and then a million thoughts instantly as HE becomes the anonymous figure.... everything opens up before him and i just caaaaaaan't 😭😭😭😭😭😭

[i will not judge the Badniks but i will ignore that bit almost entirely because otherwise, i'd straight-up cease existing from sheer cuteness aggression] instead i will focus on

THE KISSSSS aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!! no matter how many kisses of theirs i see i can't get enough, especially the way you draw them is just !!!! THE LOVE & THE DOMESTIC I SIMPLY FUCKING CAN'T

little hearts and a blush at the hand touch Stone sameeee

'yours are better' HHHHHHHHHH

that thing with his face. yeah i bet that annoys you so much doesn't it Ivo!! that stupid feeling in your stomach right there that's DEFINITELY JUST ANNOYANCE sucks so much right???? catch me cryscreaming fr. [EYESSSS]

energy charge explanations.... HAND HOLDING..... charging up without coffee (how mysterious!!)...... THIS IS THE KIND OF CUTENESS THAT'S JUST SHY OF TOO MUCH & THAT I COULD RUB MY FACE IN ALL DAY!!!!!!

(absolutely nothing but tears for the next pic & its caption both)

a logo t-shirt and a jacket with hearts over it. how about some arrows pointing to the fact that This Is the Place For A Certain Egg To Get Loved???!??! AT LEAST HE KNOWS AND TAKES IT. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

why did i think that one apron was leading to Stone washing up with Robotnik nuzzling him from behind. not that you haven't drawn that already!!!

if he doesn't obey him it must be bad oh GOD 😭😭😭 WHAT IF I JUST CRIED.

kisses make everything better yes yes yes YESS!!! very scientific and very very very good!!!

(once more i have only tears for the entire 'Gerald manipulates Ivo through Stone' story concept / the concepts. well-written that could be the most fucked-up delicious thing with a painful but glorious payoff [a fix-it, ofc]. hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i need it!!!!!!!!!)

Guess I'll post Stobotnik doodles once again.

Stobotnik but theyre the little mistletoe magnet nose bears I had when I was a kid. With some extra magnets for funsies. (I dont think my bears had tails but... I love a good orb tail on a bear plush)

I know Doc looks more like candy corn but hes supposed to be like egg colored! I know I coulda went with just another shade of yellow but hes also a redhead so... I thought the orange would look nice and it does... but it also looks like candy corn.

Ivo gets jealous of the birthday boy (spoilers: the birthday boy is him. He forgot.)

Hes better at Valentines day. Sorta. Stone has been trying to make homemade coffee chocolates but Shadow and Ivo keep eating them (or trying to eat him in Ivos case) and the Badniks keep plucking them off the counter to 'eat them' too (they just keep them in their carapace. They just wanna fit in. Do not judge them.)

Symbiosis.

Ivo gets back from almost exploding and decides Stone must be within reach at all times. (Stone certainly doesnt mind. Hes very warm and comfy.)

Makin sure your boss knows that you care by literally spelling it out for him.

The text was just gonna be Ivo telling Stone to get and stop fucking around... and then when Stone disobeys his orders hes like '..oh shit it must be bad.'

Doctor expected there to be unexpected results... he just didnt expect Stone to get hurt real bad. He then experiments with the theory that kisses will make someones booboos feel better. Results inconclusive. More extensive testing required.

Stone gets along with Ivo, I made an AU with him bonding with Maria....

So what about Gerald. Honestly missed opportunity to not have Gerald fuck with Stone a little. He was clearly pleased that Ivo broke up with Stone so he mustve known Stone was a boon of some sort despite being a base-line human... I mean I guess hed probably would have seen Stone being a badass on a motorcycle and thought keeping him as far away as possible was for the best...

But like Gerald could have easily tried to manipulate Stone thinking Stone was just using Ivo like everyone else and Gerald is stronger/smarter/would have more power so maybe could have tried to use that but not recognizing Stone actually DID love Ivo cuz who would love his dumbass grandson? Not even HE loves his dumbass grandson.

Alternatively he DOES recognize Stones love for Ivo very quickly and uses Ivos blind loyalty to his family and THAT newly exposed weak spot that makes it so easy to hurt his Grandson as a weapon to keep Stone in line.

IDK Im rambling but I never see anyone with AUs involving Gerald and Stone. Together they could make an even more fucked up version of that SU song 'Do It For Her/Him'

[myunfilteredm1nd]

My dad

I don't even know where to start. He raised me and my brother. I always remember his temper, his snaps, I couldn't make a peep as the noise annoyed him, I know this was just undiagnosed adhd, now I can see it a mile off, he'd still never admit it. Even still. It doesn't make the memories any less painful.

When I picture my childhood, I picture the town I grew up in, a little town where everyone knew everyone, the town that I’ve now fled out of fear and shame, of myself? 

I picture how on nights my dad would get really angry I'd go to bed and cry and pray to god that my mummy would come and get me. I can't remember many of the tantrums now, I think I've blocked a lot of them out. I remember creeping around the house to get a glass of water or go to the toilet, because he didn't like noise. He stopped hitting me when I was around 5, It was only like a smack on the bum, but a horrible one. I remember how everyone always bit their tongue around him and just backed down, I'm the only one who wouldn't. I stood up for my big brother, my auntie, my nan, everyone. When his tone gets nasty, or he snaps, or shouts, or calls people horrible names, for no reason. I would tell him he's being unreasonable, and stick up for my brother when we were younger. He hated that, but he would've done the same for me if someone else spoke to me like that, and that's the hardest part about hating him for it. But he'd get angrier and angrier. Once, when I was about 9, he hit me with a pair of his denim jeans, and the button hit me on the face. I was a bit older then and he took me to the doctors after because he said I had wound him up so bad I was crazy. I told the doctor how he had shouted at me and hit me with the jeans. He sent me to my mum's for a week, and I cried because I thought he didn't love me anymore. That's when it became normal for him to go mental at me and then us not speak for a week, then go back like nothing happened, till it happened again. It's never stopped. 

I spent my childhood scared, I just remember being scared. Beating beaten down.  Telling me im horrible, I'm the most horrible child, I'm the most horrible person he’s ever met. So why do I spend my life trying to make him proud? Because he just gives me money. That's how he shows he loves me. There are people who do love me. My mum doesn't have money, but she loves me. She might not have been a good mum, but she loves me. She couldn't give me the life she thought I wanted, but she might've loved me more. It's hard to tell. And I guess I’ll never know. But she was never there.

I don't know who the bad guy is, I kind of think they both might be?

So I've been trying to find a new family.

So I moved to the other end of the country. 

Friends, partners, people. People I can love and people who will love me. 

God, this is just another story about love. 

Is that what it all comes down to?

Because there’s only one person I truly crave love from 

Who just wont love me

And its me

[sassypotatoe1]

Lol unrelated somewhat but when I was 17 I was warming up for physed and I was called somewhere and didn't pay attention so I kicked a fallen dried date palm leaf and broke off probably a good centimeter of the leaf tip in my big toe. Everyone called me dramatic for limping for a solid 30 hours before I could get an appointment with my gp, who then took out maybe 2 millimeters before declaring that he doesn't see anything else in my toe, and I couldn't tell if he got it all because he numbed my toe to cut out the splinter, and that digging any deeper would for certain cause nerve damage that would permanently impact my mobility.

I left to go home and for the next around 3 months my toe was swollen, blue, in incredible pain and the softest impact numbed my entire lower leg from the pain, but the doc said he got it all and digging deeper would fuck things up and the wound already healed and I was not about to go digging in my big toe myself so I just dealt with it. Had a limp for 3 months and more than the usual chronic pain but I could live.

Then the toe went numb, sort of. Not entirely but it definitely didn't hurt anymore even when I stubbed it or someone stepped on it or I rolled it (hypermobility sometimes my toes roll when I don't fully lift my foot and I sprain them it's annoying at best) so I was like "you know what I can deal with this".

Earlier that year I watched a Ted talk about a marine biologist who accidentally stabbed herself in the hand on a sea anemone and the doctor also didn't remove all the spines in her hand, and then like 4 months later she fell off her horse and broke her hip, 6 months recovery where one of her male friends became her caretaker and later husband, and then at the end of the 6 months they did a follow up xray of her hip which happened to get her hand in frame and the spines were gone! Her body had broken down the anemone spines and used the calcium and collagen to help heal her fractured hip. Amazing stuff!

I was thinking about this after my toe went sort of numb and I knew my body wasn't going to break down the palm leaf and use it to heal another injury but I did think it wasn't that big a deal either my body would push it out on its own time or it would create a pocket around it to protect the surrounding tissue or it would break it down and it would be filtered out through my waste systems.

I forgot about it 9 months after the injury, until 2 years later when my toe started to hurt and a dark spot developed where it hurt. Now mind you the initial impalement happened on the side to the bottom of the front tip of my toe, and this painful dark bump was appearing on the top of the bit of my toe closest to my foot, so I didn't make the connection that it was the splinter until it actually finally broke the skin. I thought it was a bug bite or a cyst of some kind so I was doing extremely dangerous and not at all recommended self surgery trying to drain all the pus because at that point I did not trust doctors at all.

I was doing a performance and I jumped off the stage when the splinter broke skin and had to dance through the pain and go to the bathroom afterwards at which point I discovered the splinter sticking out of the top of my toe, very far from where it went in, bleeding profusely. All seven millimeters of it. I measured it. I pulled it out, went home, drained all the remaining pus, cleaned and bandaged my toe and hoped for the best. I didn't die obviously so I count this time as a success, even though I would do it much much differently now.

Anyway if you do magical healing around an intrusion here's fuel for how the body might use or reject it in the future in your writing, have fun!

What are some chronic illnesses that can only occur in a fantasy setting?

[softlittleheartsandsparkles]

I think one of the things that sorta sucks about being a women is how much periods are still demonied. Like idk how to share/phrase it. But I remember even speaking to my psychiatrist at one point, because she wanted me to track my periods. I was super confused by the homework and felt like it be dishonest to fill in, cause I don't get them. So I told her this. I told her I don't get them & can I keep that space blank. (she wanted me to track to see if I was someone struggling with cyclothymia vs bpd) at first she laughed, I think she believed I was joking or being embarrassed. And said 'don't be silly' 'everyone has periods' and when I told her I don't haven't since I was a teen, because of birth control. She became annoyed, visablly. & took the sheet/diary card from me,and said I don't wanna fill it out "fine". & then diagnosed me with bpd. Because she believed that showed I was being "dishonest". Even though I was being honest in saying I don't have periods. & It's something I noticed some doctors do. (this is also why I don't believe I got bpd. how the snek is tracking/not tracking periods a sign of borderline? .-. my dbt therapist said i'm probably just too honest. But I don't feel comfortable lying XD) It's also why I've received some skepticism about having endo in my bowels as I'd need to have a period in order to "have that". & maybe that's true. But even speaking to chatgpt (Which yeah I know all the data isn't correct) It's even said you still could even if you don't have periods right now because of birth control. But yeah. I wanna bring this up to my specialist, although my specialist is a dude. (he's also the only one in town.) I'm really hoping maybe through this could be something he'd be willing to wonder. Because I do have family members with endo. & well yeah. I'm not sure what else it could be? Like I could be incorrect, but... I also don't know what I have. And whatever I do have is really debilitating. I'm in constant pain all the time. & I mean I might not have endo, and i'm completely fine with that. But I also feel so lost in knowing what I have, because it's taking so long. I don't want to say I'm disappointed in colonoscopy and endoscopy because those things help people & just because they didn't find my root caused in those testing doesn't mean its bad testing. I just feel I guess underwhelmed still emotionally, ontop of the stress of being in constant pain.