#and just secretly and shamefully hope she asks for it again

[sapphire-weapon]

what do you think/imagine ashley's relationships are regarding her family and how do you think that translates into her personality + relationship with leon? personally i imagine OG ashley has a good relationship with her father, while remake ashley is distant with her father. i imagine it to be something along the lines of "my mom, who was basically my best friend, died from a terminal illness when I was 15. but my dad wasn't there for it at all since his political career was starting to really ramp up so now I resent him slightly for that. also i'm an only child!"

I would say that your headcanons pretty much match mine to a T.

The only thing that I would add to it is that I also think that Remake President Graham has no idea how bad his relationship with his daughter actually is. Like, he chalked it up to "oh, rebellious teenage years!!!" when Ashley was younger, and during the time of RE4make, he's all "she's in college now, she's finding herself, I gotta let her spread her wings!!"

when the reality is actually Ashley just like "no you're a fucking asshole who basically abandoned me because I was less important than your career ambitions and that's why I call Leon daddy now, instead."

[moonstruckme]

ahhh could i request sirius with reader that always matches her nails with him. i feel like it would make him so happy. can be poly!marauders or just sirius x reader, whatever you feel like doing,

love you and have a great day <3

Thanks for requesting!! Love YOU and hope YOU have a great day :3

cw: cheeseball!Sirius

Sirius Black x fem!reader ♡ 689 words

When Sirius opens the door to his flat, there’s another man sitting with you on the couch.

“I didn’t give you a key so you could come over and woo my girlfriend,” he drawls, hanging his keys on the hook by the door. 

“Is that why you invited me over?” James looks at you, appalled. “I love you, sunshine, but it’s purely platonic for me.” 

You nudge his shoulder with your own, hands occupied with a bottle of nail polish. “Stop being gross,” you complain, “both of you.” 

Sirius chuckles, rounding the couch and setting a hand on your shoulder. “Hello, darling,” he croons, tone overly indulgent. 

You roll your eyes but turn your head towards him, obliging him with a kiss. Sirius smiles against your lips and, once you pull away, eases onto the armrest beside you, arm comfortably around your shoulders.  

“So,” he says to James, “is Remus here as well, or are you the only one abusing your key privileges today?”

“Actually,” James replies, matching Sirius’ haughty tone, “he’s on his way. Your pantry is shamefully understocked, so I called him for reinforcements.” 

Sirius groans, taking the opportunity to collapse pitifully into your side, his face in your hair. You let your head rest atop his sympathetically, but in truth you’re both oozing contentment. Sirius loves that his friends come over whenever they want, almost as much as he loves how well they’ve taken to you. Not that he’d ever expected anything less than kindness from James or Remus, but the way they’ve brought you into their friend group so willingly, both taking the time to get to know you and spend time with you even when Sirius isn’t around, makes his heart feel too big for his chest. You clearly appreciate the welcome, too. You think your efforts to thank them go unnoticed, but Sirius doesn’t miss the look in your eyes, a mix of giddiness and nerves, when you buy a book you think Remus will like or bake cookies to bring to Lily and James’ flat. You haven’t had quite enough time to feel secure in their affection, but Sirius’ friends never hesitate to prove their sincerity. 

“Wait a minute.” James grabs Sirius’ hand from your shoulder, holding it close to his face. Sirius waggles his fingers in James’ grip. “This is the same color she’s doing.” 

Sirius looks at your nails for the first time, shiny and still wet. “Yeah? You been digging through my polish again, baby?”

“You have better colors,” you say simply. “Plus, it’s fun to match.” 

Sirius takes your face in his hand, squishing your cheeks together while you can do nothing about it. Your glare is playful, mouth pouting against your will, and Sirius likes the look of his nails against your skin. The color suits you. 

“Get your own personality,” he says, kissing your pushed-out lips.

“Shuddup,” you say, words muffled, and Sirius releases you. Your lips curl into a smile the second they’re free to do so. “You love it.” 

“What do we love?” Remus asks as he comes in the door, a giant bag of crisps in his hands. 

“Finally!” James leaps up, seizing the bag from him and tearing it open. “We were talking,” he says through a mouthful, “about how Sirius secretly loves it when Y/N matches her nail polish to his.” 

“Oh, absolutely he does,” Remus says mildly, taking a seat in the chair next to you. “Wouldn’t shut up about it after the first time you did it.” 

“Oi,” Sirius objects, “where’s the loyalty? Do you tell my girlfriend everything I say and do?”

“Yes,” James replies easily. “How else do you think we occupy ourselves when you’re not around?”

Remus shrugs indifferently, and your face takes on a pinkish hue. 

“Traitors,” Sirius grouses, but it’s without real upset. He gave up any pretense of coolness around you long ago. 

You hold up your nails, now dry, and place your fingers next to his. 

“I think it looks good,” you muse softly, smiling as he intertwines your fingers, tilting your hands this way and that admiringly. 

“Now they’re perfect.”

[frizzle-tales]

At Taehyung’s squeeze, that started to feel like a pinch the longer his hand lingered on her thigh, caused Jiyeon to turn her head to look at Taehyung, and Jiyeon could tell by his demeanor that he was very displeased by something, but she couldn’t quite figure out what it was that she had done this time.

Perhaps she would hear about it from Taehyung later after Namjoon had left.

Politics Namjoon said… this must be the first time she had met someone who worked in politics, let alone was running for the next election.

But as Namjoon spoke further, Jiyeon could feel her stomach turn at the seemingly dark joke told by the guest. She looked over at Namjoon, trying to gauge whether it indeed was a harmless joke, or that there was something she didn’t know.

But the girl was too naive to even entertain the thought that the charming man was as twisted as her abductor. Namjoon spoke with such certainty; never stumbling over his words, plus his dimpled smile offered a sense of trust - there was absolutely no way that there was an ounce of evil in him.

“Yeah… haha.” Jiyeon forced an uncomfortable chuckle out herself. “That would be crazy….” For some reason, she could feel the room heating up around them. “Taehyung wouldn’t harm a fly… and you’d never use politics for such foul things…” The girl’s spoon slipped out of her hands, catching her by surprise, landing on the floor. “Oh, err, let me just get that.” Jiyeon slid under the table, snatching the spoon from the floor before pushing herself up.

“Ah!” A pained groan escaped from the girl as her head came into contact with the table, instantly lowering herself back to the floor before she rubbed her head.

That really hurt, but the pain was nowhere as close to the humiliation that she felt right now.

She gotten from under the table - this time without bumping her head - and stood up straight, avoiding eye contact as she could feel her heart pound out of shame. “I’m awfully sorry… if you’ll excuse me, I’ll just wash this off.”

If she could, she’d run instead of walk.

After returning at the table, Jiyeon hoped to continue the conversation by asking Namjoon a question.

“The current mayor promised a safe town… did you already think of what points you’d want to work on to improve the town? Oh! I understand if that’s private information…” She took a sip of her drink before putting it back down. “Either way, I’ll make sure to vote on you then…” Jiyeon smiled, not even thinking about the fact if she could.

— 🎙

"Oh my." Namjoon snickered at the dramatic scene starting to unfold in front of him. He leaned back in his seat, resting his elbow on the arm of the hair, his chin on his hand.

When Jiyeon shamefully scurried away to wash her utensil, the guest turned his attention over to his friend. "She's not very coordinated yet, is she? Although, I’m sure you’re already thinking of ways to correct that, aren’t you?”

"Trust me." Taehyung spoke through gritted teeth, hushing his voice when the young woman started approaching the table again. "That'll be the next thing I work on."

He had a hard time keeping his agitation in check, and as Jiyeon cheerfully restarted her conversation with their guest, he could feel a small snap inside of him. His hand secretly came up, his fingers wrapping around the back of the girl's neck to keep her in place as he leaned in closer to whisper in her ear.

"You should know by now prying isn't very polite, Jiyeonnie." Taehyung glanced back at Namjoon, flashing him a grin. "Why don't you go settle back in the living room?" Given the dinner was now over. "We'll come join you in a minute."

His eyes followed the man's frame as he made his way out of the dining room. Without saying another word, the legs of Taehyung's chair scraped against the floor as he stood, beginning to clear off the table.

Strangely, leaving Jiyeon sitting at the table for a change.

“Charming, isn’t he?” Taehyung’s voice finally cut through the thick silence as he set the dishes in the sink, and unknowingly to her, baiting her right into a trap. 

[halothenthehorns]

Chapter 18: Slow Down

AU For Serpinstaff, who asked for an alternate ending to Having Fun? without it ending with Sirius getting shagged since he was nearly raped.

This is probably not the answer you had in mind, and I actually feel kind of bad considering this, somehow, is even more grim...but it dose fulfill the request and deep dives a little more into Sirius's experience during that, so this is what came to mind.

HPHPHPHPHP

James glanced down at his watch for what had to be the sixtieth time in half as many minutes as the majority of his Quidditch team followed his fidgety pacing with ever growing concern, because there was a certain beater missing.

A very specific certain someone, like James's best mate, who had never once abused such a position to skiv practice and was now an hour late.

It was the first practice he was captain of! What was Sirius playing at?! James had sort of half expected him to be running a bit behind even, he would have graciously laughed off Padfoot coming in still sweeping his hair up into a bun and having a new hickey in place since Sirius and Remus had never seemed to make it back for dessert, but Sirius had never, not once, flat not showed up.

Except for those awful three weeks where he hadn't been speaking to his brother...

but that wasn't happening now!

Still, his skin was prickling with distress as he looked again at his watch and the door, before looking longingly at the rest of his team as if hoping one of them would volunteer a miracle. "He wasn't at dinner," James shamefully admitted. "Anyone seen him since?"

Silence for a few beats, before their Seeker, Bless Shilling, offered, "he was talking to Chelsea Magni in the common room, right before that." She rolled her eyes in the same way Lily had done at the girls chances of getting anywhere with that.

A long time admirer of Sirius herself, James trusted her answer, but it was also the same one Peter had given right before Remus had taken the map and jogged off.

He didn't know where Sirius was.

He'd never, not in his entire years here not known where Padfoot was in this castle.

Except for those horrendous three weeks where he hadn't been speaking to Sirius.

He was being paranoid, but the situation of his Quidditch practice here at the end of last year listening to his old captain ask the same of where Black was and James brushing it off as him just pouting while dismissing what he'd done to Moony could not be ignored. James had been riveted listening to Lily and barely glanced over his shoulder to see Sirius waving them on as he turned back for some reason...apparently talking to a bird flirting with him?! When he and Moony were not so secretly dating to anyone who paid attention for more than five seconds.

Where they up there arguing about it, and he was about to walk in on something neither would want his opinion on?

He glanced at his watch again. An hour and three minutes late.

He had to know.

Even if he went all the way up to the tower and walked in on them shagging, it would be better than this awful prickling sensation at the back of his neck screaming something was wrong.

"Dismissed while I go find him," he was already walking towards the door, to nobodies surprise. "We'll try again next week."

The whole walk up there James kept alternating in his head between annoyance and worry. Every time he talked himself out of thinking Sirius and Remus had been ambushed by wanabe Death Eater's or something with the Map on them, he wanted to hex them himself as he imagined them getting their rocks off and ignoring their other, very important obligations! Like Quidditch practice! Which Sirius wouldn't miss just for some fun with his boyfriend and let James down like that, embarrass him like that, not to mention his own vigor for the sport, so something must have happened...and around it went until he was giving the Fat Lady the password and trudging slowly through the crowded, noisy, chattering common room filled with students looking up from their homework to do double takes in surprise to see him in his Quidditch gear, with a grim look on his face as he took the stairs one step at a time.

Their door was cracked open, and he paused taking a deep breath as he heard no distinctive noise coming from inside under the low murmurers traveling up here, but that still might not prepare him for the shadows moving about in a curtained bed. Finally landing on annoyance when he braced his hand against the door and preparing an ear pulling speech for both of them when he yanked back the curtains and threw blankets over their bare asses about this mess, he pushed it open, and froze.

Relief flooded him with a staggering amount as he saw Sirius just sitting on the bed, gazing off into the distance.

It was quickly trounced with more anger than ever as he saw Padfoot was perfectly fine, not a scratch on him. He was in fact shirtless, his hair a knotted mess, his fly undone like he'd been about to change clothes and had simply sat himself on Remus's bed to visit lala land.

Fear finally dominated as he took a cautious step forward and instantly knew something was wrong.

The look on his face was dreamy, such a transparent blissfully stupid look it made him opaque to James who had never once in his life seen that look on Sirius's face. Not even when he talked about whatever he and Remus had been up to lately, that was always delivered with teasing grins and dopey smiles alternately as he enjoyed embarrassing James and talking about his boyfriend. This, this was...just plain wrong looking.

"Padfoot?" He asked tentatively, hand on his wand in case he was imperiused or something. That was extreme, he'd admit to himself, but something magically catastrophic had happened to his best mate and he had a stunner on the tip of his tongue to stop him just in case.

It took several moments for Sirius to drag his eyes slowly into focus, but they didn't stay there when he looked around at him and he spaced right back out. His voice came out wrong, bubbly and bright like he was trying to sing and speak all at once. "Have you seen Chelsea? She told me to wait here, and we're going to have some fun!"

James saw red, the world spun sickeningly as he took him in again, there was an ominous creaking noise from his wand threatening to break under his hand as he whirled around and spat without thinking, "that gash gave you a love potion!"

The stone stair-well wall smashed into his face and the world kept its spin as he tumbled down four before he stopped. His glasses had snapped, blood was pouring into his mouth causing him to splutter as Sirius stood over him, stumbling and fumbling for his wand in rage as he shouted, "don't insult her!"

Shit, shit, shit!

James scrambled madly to his feet as he quickly reprioritized he'd kill her later, not too much later, but Sirius first. Padfoot needed him first.

Sirius didn't seem to have his wand on him, mercifully, he kept patting his pockets with an increasingly bemused expression and then looked up and seemed to spot James for the first time again as he said, "have you seen Chelsea?" Then his face was awash with horror as he looked at the stair he was standing on and bolted back into the room, shouting, "she told me to wait here!"

Two quick charms fixed his glasses and nose, he spat one last mouthful of blood onto the stair and followed him back in with more forbidding than he had of their dorm, closing the door firmly behind him as his anger dimmed slightly, and fear took its place back in the top spot as he froze on what to do.

Sirius was sitting right back on the bed where he'd found him like nothing had happened, but something had happened, and he found he couldn't breathe as his mind pitched more than falling down every flight of stairs in this school could ever cause him. Sirius's wand was a few inches from his feet and James quickly summoned it to his hand and pocketed it least that cause any more problems.

"Padfoot?" His voice was shaking, and he couldn't make it stop. It wasn't a huge noticeable difference, but James swore he looked at him just the tiniest bit faster than last time, so some of his panic might have even gotten through to him. "Where is, she," he couldn't make himself say her name as he glanced at the closed bathroom door for the first time if she might have tried hiding when the door started to open, and he'd have to do some fast wand work.

"I don't know," James didn't even recognize his voice and actually jumped, turning back to see him pouting at the door behind him still. "She told me to wait here, and then we're going to have some fun!"

There was just no sense in trying to get any more of a clear answer out of him except she wasn't in this room right now as a three step process easily came to life in his mind.

Step one, Sirius first. Keep him safe and away from everyone and everything.

Step two, get this shit out of him.

Step three was the most daunting of all, but stay in order now! The captaincy he hadn't even a chance to flourish in yet sprang easily to mind as he encouraged himself like a play on the field.

Right, step two. That had some problems though as he didn't bloody know how to go about doing that himself. Lily had gone to hang out with Alice and Frank the rest of the night, but he was positive she hadn't said where, and it was just too dangerous to tote him all around the school and figure it out lest he somehow run into Sirius's bedeviler, where ever she was. Said couple had asked for their mirrors and hadn't given them back yet.

Peter would have been his next preference, but he was hanging out with Regulus somewhere too.

He had no way to contact anyone for help, and he felt trapped.

Pressure was building in his skull as he stood there paralyzed while Sirius still wasn't looking at him, still as a statue on Remus's bed, looking right through him at the door waiting for her to come back- wait! "Padfoot," he tried again, and coughed heavily. He really hadn't been breathing, and his head was spinning so much he had to lean against the door as he couldn't shake his terror, because step three frightened him most of all when he did figure this out.

One at a time, he steeled his resolve. One thing at a time.

Sirius definitely looked over at him with only a slight delay this time, and maybe, just maybe, it might even be wearing off already. "Padfoot, where's Moony?'

Where the hell was Remus! His arse had the map, he was supposed to be up here fetching Padfoot nearly two hours ago now while this was happening!

The question had nothing to do with her, so it seemed to take him a lot of effort to even have one word slip through an ear, but finally he shrugged and went back to mooning at the door.

Wrong, wrong, wrong! Had Remus interrupted that girl doing this to him and was out burying the body? He'd be happy to help but would have liked a little heads up! Remus wouldn't have left Sirius like this though, even to do that. At least he'd hope not, and that couldn't have happened without some kind of fight breaking out considering Sirius's vicious reaction just seconds ago.

He was running out of options on anything to do other than just, wait it out.

Slughorn, a tiny little part of his mind chipped in, but he was reluctant to somehow have history repeat itself...or get closer to step three...

No. Sirius first. Getting that shit out of him was his priority, and rather than scouring the whole castle with questions looking for his friends, he knew where his potions teacher was. In his office, one floor down. It would be altering step one and putting him far to close to step three, but he could do this for his Padfoot.

"Please, please don't let him get poisoned," James whispered into the universe before pushing himself off the door. "Oi, mate," he said in such a terribly cheerful tone, someone might have mistaken him for being love-potioned too. "I know where Che-Chels," he couldn't say her name, it caught and lodged in his throat with disgust like a child flinching over Voldemort. Whoever would have thought he'd rather be off dealing with that lunatic's horcruxes over this?

It was enough though, Sirius sprang up from the bed like he was his second favorite person on earth as he squealed, "you do?!"

"Mmmm," he agreed, probably sounding like a dying inferi. "Put a shirt on mate, and we can go see her."

Sirius blindly snatched one up off the floor and didn't even do up his zipper. It was one of Moony's cardigans and hung past his waist anyway, inside out, but the restricted blood still not making full circulation around James's body leaving him very light headed all seemed to be settling uncomfortably in his heart as it thundered in place. He couldn't see the evidence anymore, but he knew it was there.

"But I'm supposed to wait here," Sirius reminded as he looked back at the bed and the now open door with a hint of reluctance. "Did I do something wrong?"

That about sent James crying, and it took every last grain of determination for him to speak in a wobbly, unanimously uncheerfully bright voice. "No, never, this isn't your fault Padfoot." He had to stop and clear his throat. "Um, I um, ran into her up the stairs, she told me where to meet her," he quickly fibbed.

Something in those familiar gray eyes wavered like a bad reception, for the smallest of a second Sirius was fixing to come back and call out that idiotic story, after he'd been asking where she was- but it was gone just as fast and this mess was as real as ever as he squealed, "okay!"

Sirius started humming to himself while fidgeting and running his fingers through his hair, but quickly stopped and went back to passive haunting silence by the time they made it down the flight as he followed, a very good sign this stuff really was wearing off.

He might not even need anyone for step three; asking what exactly she'd done to him.

If Chelsea Magni had used her love potion to rape Sirius.

...

They caught Slughorn in the middle of grading papers. By then Sirius was starting to look a little gray around the edges and didn't pipe in once as James asked for the antidote. Even if he was back to normal, James rather erred on the side of caution and went through with it.

Praise Merlin Padfoot was not poisoned as he swallowed the goblet without any more fuss, and then James had to use some quick words as even their jovial teacher tried to ask some questions while James kept ushering Sirius back out, who still hadn't said a word. His face was blank now, somehow scaring James even more than his earlier love sick daze.

Escaping him mercifully wasn't that hard though as James quickly promised they were going straight to McGonagall next to report this before James pulled Sirius into the nearest empty classroom and then looked at him again.

To his horror, Sirius had that smooth, aloof mask in place as he surveyed James and brushed at the knots impatiently in his hair. "Didn't bring a comb did you?"

James kind of wished Padfoot had smashed his face into the wall again instead if he was going to play the indifference card.

"No, Padfoot, I did not," his voice was shaking, he wondered if it had been while talking to his potions teacher and that's why he'd been so oddly concerned. "What did she do to you?" The words came easily from his mouth to his own surprise as he braced himself for the knowledge that had rooted in his mind.

Sirius was fidgeting and looking all over, bunching up his hair and a rather peeved expression on his face as he answered casually enough, "it was disgusting, we snogged mostly. She told me to get undressed and then," years of being a practiced liar suddenly broke James's heart as he continued without a noticeable pause to any other person, "told me to wait, and that's it. Where's Moony?" He said quickly, clearly trying to redirect.

A very pertinent question, one James still vitally needed an answer for himself, but Sirius first. He gently, calmly put his hands on his shoulders and fought back the urge to kick him as Padfoot raised an unimpressed brow but at least didn't brush him off. "Brother, do we need to go see Madam Pomfrey?"

Sirius barked out a laugh! It was like a balm finally helping him to breathe again as his best mate laughed in amusement and now did give him a playful shove, "no! Merlin, and you lot call me the dramatic one!"

James believed him, she might not have gone through with the act at the very minimum, but Sirius's twitching hands weren't hiding what James still knew was evidence it was more than snogging. "What else happened then?" He asked, still oddly calm and clear headed himself now that this most dreaded task was being laid out.

Sirius bit his lip and looked away now, and obviously knew he couldn't deny it a second time. It would have been funny on a better day, James had never had to deal with a classic hand caught in the cookie jar face on his best mate, but this was anything but funny.

"Nothing major, relax Prongs," he tried one last time, his voice going just a bit high again with stress, though nowhere near the painful octaves they'd been before. "We really should go find Remus, I think I heard something weird-"

James leaned in and hugged him as he tried babbling his way out of it. It only occurred to him after the fact this might be making him uncomfortable, but as he started to lean back Sirius began hugging him back, holding him tight so that James felt the smallest shiver roll through him.

Padfoot still tried to sound casual as he admitted with his face hiding away resting on his shoulder, "she helped me take my shirt off and groped me, okay? She, she shoved her hand in my pants, and, when she didn't, feel, I mean, I wasn't, oh Merlin I can't believe I'm saying this out loud, so anyways she blushed and left after that, okay?"

James jerked back as he felt the blush before seeing Sirius actually looked embarrassed, there was a hint of red on him! "No, that's not okay!" James spoke with such ferocity that somewhere, somehow, Chelsea Magni felt a shiver roll over her spine. "I'm going to kill her!"

"Lovely plan, we can get right on it," Sirius nodded adamantly, clearly all for never speaking of this again, "right after we find my f'ing boyfriend! I mean it Prongs, I think I heard him, it's this awful noise in the back of my head, I-" he stopped, and some of James's whirlwind of emotions finally seemed to catch onto him as he looked anxiously at the door again. Fear, confusion, anger. "Did, did Remus really think that I-"

"I don't know," James whispered, his voice snatching uncomfortably up again, though for a different reason this time as yet another new problem rose to the surface if so. Padfoot's red tinged face was quickly draining into chalky, pale anger James liked least of all yet.

Sirius didn't say another word as he stalked out. The arsehole had even pickpocketed his own wand back from James, and he had never found anything less funny when he had no will to take it back least he be cursed from his own best mate in the right head this time going off.

It was almost as scary as living with the forbidding knowledge of his brother being raped, seeing this quiet, stalking Padfoot make his way calmly down to the Shrieking Shack. James was scared again. Had Remus really scene any of it and just assumed the worst and taken off?

James tried a couple times over the descending flights, "Padfoot, this isn't his fault."

No answer.

"Sirius, tell me you're not going to kill him first."

Silence.

"Let's at least go tell McGonagall so we can plan to kill her during her detention-" his best mate waltzed right past their head of houses office without looking at it or James.

So James kept up, and the deja vu' as Sirius maneuvered the tree aside and kept his wand in hand all through out the tunnel, the same horrible knowledge of the fight coming and knowing there was nothing he could do to stop it like the last fateful full moon before their world changed floated beside them as if Peter were here, the only thing changing this from being a total flashback.

Sirius's guess had been right, and they both instantly saw, so was their own assumption.

He was on the measly bit of couch still held together by its frame, pinching the bridge of his nose with tears streaming freely down his face. It was a heartbreaking sight to James and instantly vanished whatever misgivings he would have quibbled along with Sirius, but Remus had jerked upon the hatch opening and his expression grew defiant the moment he laid eyes on Sirius.

"Tell me you at least hesitated," Sirius's voice was scary soft, it blistered with such heat the walls should have started pealing and smoking. "Tell me, Remus, that just for once second it crossed your mind I'd never! That you trusted me!"

Whatever Remus had been about to retort back didn't seem relevant anymore. He swiped at his eyes and sniffled as he looked to James for help but looked back to Sirius, but his silence was answer enough.

Sirius screamed in frustration, a deep bellowing noise right from his gut as he shouted now, "you self-pitying, fucking- !" He chucked his wand at him, which was the most violently passive thing any wizard had ever done in their life as he gave an inhuman amount of strength against hexing him. It hit the wall over Remus's head and showered them in sparks as he screamed, "I am done!"

Only James saw the tears in his eyes when he turned away and vanished back into the whole.

Remus was stumbling to his feet, he looked so turned around like he'd found himself in Antarctica with no clue how.

James didn't have the heart to leave him totally clueless, but his voice was as brittle as Sirius's as he answered the unspoken, "she gave him a love potion," and then followed Padfoot fighting back a sob of his own for what he now knew was coming.

...

Sirius spent the next two hours in the shower, and it took all of James's willpower not to sit on the toilet and wait for him in there, especially as the loud downpour of water didn't quite hide what Padfoot had meant it to from his bed.

He came out suspiciously red tinted all over from the boiling hot water to hide the evidence in his own sweats and sweater, and promptly threw himself across his lap onto James's bed, curling his back against him. His hair nearly tangled up in the hangings the only thing between the stone wall, hugging his pillow tight to his chest and stayed like that for another chunk of time in silence until Lily showed up with vengeance on her face as the final curfew bell ran for the night.

James shifted to hide his best mate from further view as his heart shattered for the first battle to begin. "Now's not the time Lily."

She crossed her arms and spoke smoothly at least, didn't immediately launch into defending her best mate, so he relaxed just slightly when she said, "there's rumors all over the school you two tried to kill each other over that Magni girl?" Her eyes lingered on his face, and he scratched for the first time at the traces of blood he'd forgotten was there. "What happened?" She even sounded, almost, politely puzzled like she was hoping this was a prank winding up.

James talked in quick, clipped sentences, "she used a love potion on Sirius. Remus walked in, and right back out. Padfoot dumped him. We're not interrogating either of them about this right now, so if you could be a dear and go tell McGonagall for us-"

Lily's own temper snapped as she lashed out, "the hell's the matter with you two shit-heads?! This isn't Remus's fault, how could you blame him for this-"

"I don't!" James spat at once, "but Merlin, she could have done a hell of a lot worse than groping him, and I think that's scaring enough!" He stood up now, quivering with suppressed rage. "She only left him because he didn't have an f'ing hard on! What if she'd just gone to fetch another potion to give him one! Remus should have stopped her Lily-"

"We all left him in the common room with her without batting an eye! He destroyed him by dumping him without even-"

"Guys," Sirius's voice croaked, he sounded so broken James wouldn't have even heard it if he wasn't still keeping half an eye on him, and Lily only dropped her glare when she looked to where James was.

He sat up so shakily he might have been rising from his coffin as he looked blearily at Lily like he was just now noticing she was here, though James knew he hadn't been asleep. "I'm not mad at him Lils, and I'm well aware she's the one to blame in all of this. Please, Lily, please just go away."

Concern flooded Lily's face as she really looked at him properly for the first time and even gasped, taking a step forward, "oh Padfoot, are you- no of course you're not okay. Sirius, talk to us, what-"

"He told you what he wants," James said icily. "He wants some space, pass it along."

His girlfriend flinched and backed away, and James was shocked at himself how harshly he'd spoken to her. "I'm sorry," he said at once, finally dropping his arms he didn't even remember crossing and taking a tentative step to her, "we, we're all on edge. You know the basics, please tell the others to just, give him a little breathing room? And, and McGonagall-"

"I'll take care of it," she promised, coming forward and squeezing his hand. "We'll, talk, later," she promised before giving him a light kiss. She hovered over Sirius like she wanted to do more, but he smiled, a small but genuine one as he laid back down with his choke hold still on the pillow but closed his eyes and even gave a fake, exaggerated snore.

She chuckled, just a bit for his antics, and promised, "we're here for you, all of us. I'll take care of everything."

"Thanks," James and Sirius said at once.

James stayed hovering as she left, and whispered the moment the door clicked shut, "did you want me to leave too?"

"No," Sirius said at once as he rolled back onto his side. "Just don't want to talk." He sounded, tired. James longed to stab his wand through Chelsea's heart a million times.

"Okay," James promised as he sat right back down and sighed in relief when Sirius squirmed and pressed his back right against his hip again.

Nobody else came into the dorm the rest of the night, but neither of them fell asleep. Finally, in that awful space of time where no person should ever be up this late studying, Sirius whispered, "Prongs?"

"Yeah," he said at once.

Sirius took a harrowing breath and pressed himself even closer, starting to shiver even. "Thank you, for, before, but Chelsea had been flirting with me, not an hour before, but you know Remus, I still hadn't told her why I didn't want to sleep with her. I told Moony about it. It never crossed my mind not to take that drink-"

"This isn't your fault!" James said, aghast how he could have come to that conclusion. "Padfoot, she never should have pushed you into even snogging with that vile potion!"

"I know, I know," he said hastily, rolling onto his back again and staring up at him earnestly, sincerity on his face. "I still want to kill her, no, I was just saying, this isn't Remus's fault. I, I lost it at him for exactly what I said, I can't believe he didn't trust me not to-" he stopped, his breath hitched but he kept going, "whatever, that's between me and him. I just wanted to say, don't blame Moony."

"I-" James longed to deny it again, but felt that resentment lodged in place as he glanced at Remus's bed. With concentrated effort and Sirius looking so comfortably normal smiling up at him sprawled out on his bed, he forced himself to let it float away. "Okay, I promise."

Sirius smiled in relief and made to roll back over, but James dug the heal of his palm into his sternum, making Padfoot oof in discomfort as James asked casually, "anything else to get off your chest?"

He wondered how much terror could hit a person in one day before they hit their limit, because it hadn't yet as he looked again to see Sirius blushing once more and his heart seized up.

"It's pathetic," Sirius insisted, trying to push his arm away. "Just forget it, I'll deal with the others tomorrow, thanks for, this," he waved around their dorm and gave him a cheerful smile again.

"Tell me," James pleaded, even as he removed his hand. "You don't have to right this second, but whatever your thinking or feeling, I swear on my parents life I won't laugh Padfoot. I don't care if she made you say you're in love with Snape or braided your hair, please don't do, this."

He waited for Sirius to roll back over and adamantly promise he would eventually while faux falling asleep.

Padfoot's grip on the pillow went so tight he expected feathers to burst out of the seems as he closed his eyes, but he spoke, shame coloring every word, "I can't believe the first thing I felt when it wore off was embarrassment." He cracked one eye open, but James had never heard anything less funny, and it bolstered Sirius into continuing, "everything else came in, oh trust me, I feel violated and like I should still be in the shower, I could deck that woman without remorse and curse her great-great-great grandchildren. You would think I should have seen your face and been guilty as hell for nearly killing you, Merlin forbid! No. Sirius, sex stud of Hogwarts, didn't f'ing get it up under that potion."

"Padfoot," James didn't even know what he was going to say, but Sirius sat up, smoothing his hand down his hair, still talking adamantly now as his fingers trembled holding the pillow in place to his chest.

"I remember every detail," Sirius rushed on, waving his other hand in a wild motion, at himself or the world he didn't know. Possibly both. "Whatever nauseating blossom filled poetry you used to write about Lily had nothing to what I was thinking of that woman. I used to hook up with her, she was a good kisser and even better at giving a blow. When, when she grabbed my," he moved the pillow and covered his crotch in disgust as if fighting the urge to rip it off, "she turned so scarlet red and it was the most beautiful color on the planet to me, that potion should have worked, but it didn't! Am, am I impotent now? What's wrong with me? What the wholly bloody hell is wrong with me that that was my first thought!"

James pulled him back into a hug, and Sirius pressed his face against his chest gasping. He was out of tears, out of emotion, he just curled up against his brother and stayed there until the pillow fell from his hand.

"I'm so screwed up," Sirius spoke again as the first hints of light promised a new day.

"Perhaps," James sighed, "but your my brother, so what does that make me?"

"Even more screwed up for not laughing at me like you should have," he muttered.

"It's not funny Padfoot, it's," but he stopped, fumbling, there seemed no word, and he'd been desperately trying for ages now. "It's your thoughts mate, and to hell with everyone else."

"Like hell am I telling anyone else," he corrected, leaning back but giving him a grateful smile. "If you ever speak of this again I'll smother you in your sleep."

James didn't laugh, but he did assure, "I promise."

...

Sirius still looked miserable as he took another shower and put on his uniform, carefully doing up his pants, but did speak without prompting, "I am not looking forward to the others interrogating me today, especially Rem- Reg."

"Right," James agreed, pretending he'd heard nothing. "Lest they face Lily's wrath, I'm sure they'll all still give you some space mate."

Alice ignored James's warding off look and came right up to him outside the portrait whole and wrapped him in a hug without saying a word. Sirius smiled and chuckled at her as he returned it while Frank mouthed at James, 'need anything?'

He shook his head but mouthed thank you to both of them as they departed.

Lily caught up to them before they finished the first corridor and slipped her hand into James's, chatting to him about some new potion experiment she was trying to get Slughorn's approval for as if everything were normal, and Sirius's white knuckled grip on his bag slackened.

Regulus cornered them in the Great Hall and the two brothers stared at each other for a long time in silence before Regulus asked, "so what are we doing to kill her?"

Peter gave Sirius his wand back silently and sat next to Remus at a different table in every shared class, but at least Wormtail smiled at Padfoot when they caught eyes while Moony stayed studiously on his work. In Care of Magical Creatures, their only shared class alone, Remus continued the pattern, hovering beside Mary the entire time and never looking once at him.

It broke Sirius's heart he was still, doing it. Pathetic, hypocrite, he kept chastising himself every time he glanced at the missing space, but the curling feeling wrapping around his heart left him feeling more vindictively in the right than remorseful.

After a fortnight of this Sirius had begun to relax into his usual state. He laughed and made jokes next to James again, he made up for that Quidditch practice ten fold and was the life of the team, and Prongs finally stopped hovering so much when Padfoot stopped wincing when he went to take a piss. He and Remus fell into a comfortably quiet routine of just not acknowledging the other in the room at first, but even that didn't last as Padfoot began including Moony in the conversations fast again, always moving his bag first to whatever table Remus sat at. It was habit more than anything, and Padfoot's remarks were still a tad bitter, but Remus's responses were always polite, brisk, and quickly cut off as he simply read to himself and let the space continue.

Sirius had enough when Moony looked at him in surprise to see him back in the Shrieking Shack at the next full moon, and then just as quickly looked away. Padfoot waited until the next time he came up to the dorm to tell the other two, "get out, please. We need to talk."

Remus sat down on the edge of his bed with the same vacant expression since that first class.

Peter left at once, biting his nails but fleeing the scene.

James hesitated, swallowed, but reluctantly did as asked.

Remus set aside his bag but kept staring down at his empty lap, tense but still not looking at him.

It's what you asked him to do- didn't trust you- Sirius cleared his throat and asked, "well, you never answered me."

"It did not occur to me that you were under the influence of magic Sirius," it sounded very practiced and that made him even angrier. "I'm sorry that it happened to you," he whispered to his shoes, and while Sirius believed his sincerity, it made nothing feel better.

Sirius seethed, shifting his weight around on the spot endlessly as he waited for something that clearly wasn't coming. "It's not like I expected you to instantly guess," he tried to give Remus something to work with, "just, that you turned around, slowed down, anything!"

Remus finally did look at him, and he went for mocking. "Well I'm so sorry I didn't march up there and duel the woman for your hand Sirius! That's what you wanted, isn't it? For me to have flipped out and be begging for you back."

Sirius hated how his voice shook. He hated himself for wondering how long Moony had known this was his real ire. "You promised me you weren't going to just run anymore! I thought you trusted me!"

"Lily said-"

"When I screwed up you told me to piss off and that's what I did, but dammit Remus, you've not said a word to me! I just asked for some space, not this!" Sirius gestured in disgust at their horribly silent dorm.

The two just kept  looking at each other for a very long time, before Remus looked away first. His voice was hollow. "I don't understand, what do you want from me now?"

If Remus had made some stupid, oddly specific, bizarre promise that if this ever happened again he'd at least pause to ask what the hell was going on, Sirius might have given him another chance. If he'd started snogging him on the spot Sirius could never have pushed him away.

He just sat there.

"I don't know," Sirius admitted as he turned away. If Remus had said a word as he walked away, he would have hesitated. If Moony had just tried to stop him as he left, he never would have, but the door closed gently behind him without another word spoken.

...

The others took their breakup in silent acceptance and politely never brought it up if they could avoid it, except Lily, who was now avoiding both of them and having to be restrained by James at all hours not to lock them up together.

"We can't just do nothing," she insisted, hissing in the back of the library while her boyfriend stared blankly town at his textbook. "They're miserable, has Sirius still been sleeping in your bed?"

James didn't answer, again, he seemed to have opted for silence since the past few days of begging her to drop it hadn't worked.

"Remus hasn't been sleeping either! This is ridiculous!"

"Just," James dragged his eyes to look around at her solemnly. "Put it this way, what would you have done if you saw me snogging someone without explanation."

She snorted with mirth. "Ripped someone's head off, you've never been the subtle one dear."

"And if I'd seen the same I would have fallen on the floor weeping for what I'd done wrong," James said with a sad smile. "Thing is Lils, we're just, guessing. We don't really know what we would have done in the moment, and we can't force them to change who they are. Maybe they're to different, and just, shouldn't be together."

"So you're saying if rolls had been reversed and Sirius had hexed that girl for doing that to Remus, and Moony dumped him for it, you'd be accepting this too?" She scoffed.

"Yes," he agreed, turning back to his useless pile of work.

...

One of the finest, most exquisitely beautiful girls in the school was flirting with Remus. She was being so hilariously unsubtle that even he couldn't miss it, yet he felt the same disinterest in her as he did most things lately, just politely answering whatever she was asking about the DADA assignment a year above him and looking for an exit.

Sirius slipped out of class behind him, blinked at the scene, and then turned away with James.

A spark lit tight in his chest, and he quickly turned back away, really trying to listen now, get invested in whatever she was saying. He'd never be what Sirius wanted, he had to accept that and move on already!

It didn't work, he still hadn't taken in a damn thing she said and he walked off miserably.

The whole moving on thing was made even worse when he woke up in the middle of the night cuddled up into Sirius's lap.

It was so familiar, he was so damn warm, but the feeling was still wrong, and it took him a few disorienting moments to realize Sirius wasn't curled into him like usual. He was sitting stiff, practically half off the bed, but just letting him pant over him in his sleep!

Shoving him away hard, Sirius sprawled out on the floor as Remus shouted, "the fuck!"

"You were having a nightmare, I was just trying to wake you up," Sirius snapped, brushing his hair impatiently away. "You're the one who pulled me down."

Remus threw his pillow at him in disgust. "I don't need you hovering over me like a damn nanny! Maybe I'd grow an f'ing spine if you'd quit babying me!"

"Fuck you!" Sirius threw the pillow back with the force of a bludger as it walloped his face. "Scream yourself hoarse for all I care!"

"Enough!" James appeared between the two as Sirius jumped to his feet and Remus bunched up his pillow again. "Bloody hell you two, it's the middle of the night, shit this sort out in the morning!" He paused and groaned he was to tired for real chastising as he steered Sirius back towards his bed. Padfoot brushed him off and went to his own, rarely used one, slamming on top of the blankets and glowering out the window the rest of the night as Remus rolled over and did the same to the door.

...

Persephone 'Pepper' Iken was a Hufflepuff in their year who often commentated the Quidditch games and dyed her hair a different color every game to match. Sometimes in support of the teams, most often whatever color she fancied. She was bright and bubbly, inquisitive and loved to laugh. Most often it was her heart shaped face he pictured whenever Tonks had been described in those books.

They'd been paired up during the last few Herbology classes when the three to a plant rule was instigated and he'd decided against making Peter the odd one out. Sirius had neither acknowledged him nor ignored him, just kept treating him like a passive friend as he nodded and turned back.

Pepper had a snaggle tooth and a scar on her lip where she kept biting it, the freezing air made them looked chapped as they sat studying behind the greenhouses in burgeoning winter, sitting incredibly close together without a second thought. She wanted to be a photographer. He smiled and listened, it was so easy with her, she had an effortless charm that made him want to listen in as she kept getting distracted by picking up her camera and taking random, candid shots. Flurrying snowflakes in patters, the way the light crept through the forest, candid shots of students too far away to know whom it was.

For just a moment, he wanted to tell her about Colin Creevey, he wanted to share just a little bit of himself back and laugh about Prongs never shying away from a camera.

He didn't, but when she slipped her hand into his and smiled up at him, he laced their fingers together and smiled back.

It hit him like a tidal wave what was about to happen as she turned back away, her fluttering pink hair falling over her shoulders. He could ask her to a Hogsmeade visit, maybe not even as a date yet, just to keep hanging out and see if they had something in common. He might find a way to work in the topic of werewolves, find out just a hint of  how she'd react to the news before he plunged in as Sirius himself had once advised him to do.

Maybe not even her, exactly, but he could. He could move on. Fall in love again some day.

He didn't want to.

"Remus?" She asked in concern as he jumped to his feet, dumping a bottle of ink all over his own notes.

"Sorry," he gasped as the ruined plants they'd been studying where whisked towards the lake, and he truly meant it for her. "I can't, I have to, I'm sorry-"

He sprinted up the school in a blind panic as his revelation spurred his feet along with no idea what the hell was going to come out of his mouth when he found him, just one clear goal in his mind.  If he had to wrestle every student in the castle away from him to do it than so be it!

Padfoot was exiting the library with Alice when he finally tracked him down, and Remus snatched his arm and hauled him away so quickly their poor friend had to do a double take when she looked around and didn't see him beside her anymore.

"Guys, wait-" she tried, but to late, Remus had already shoved him into a broom closet among his spluttering protests and jammed a lock on it.

"The hell-?" Sirius demanded, but he wasn't pushing him back, just standing against the shelves with a haughty, annoyed little frown for being manhandled around.

"I can't be what you want me to be," he snarled into his face. "Dammit Sirius, if you ever wanted to be with someone else, like hell would I try to stop you, what the hell could I ever give you! I'll fight the world for you, but I can't fight you!"

Padfoot's startling gray eyes widened, he opened his mouth; Remus grabbed his face and kissed him.

That honestly, truly hadn't been his intention, but if he did have to force himself to move on he had to do it with a clear conscience, to admit to Padfoot and himself why he'd never tried to stop this shithole of events.

Sirius snogged him back, his fiery breath seeped life into Remus as Sirius pulled him closer, the softest little whimper as Sirius wrapped his hands tight around his neck and the shelves dug in his back only made Moony pin him harder. This part, at least, had always been natural and easy to them as their friendship from the beginning. The sex had been their high and low points because it was fuddling through the stuff in the middle where Remus had no clue how to be anything for Sirius, when Padfoot was his everything.

When Sirius yanked his shirt aside and began running his hands up his back still drawing him closer Remus finally was forced to pull back and gasp, rutting against him for how damn much he'd missed this and then Sirius moaned, the growing bulge in his pants as he shakily let one hand go and pulled Remus's mouth back was like ecstasy.

Sirius felt like he was waking up from a long nightmare, he'd never felt so right, alive as Moony's tongue worked artfully against his and held him in place. No matter how many people he'd tried to just kiss in the past months to get a little of this back it had never felt so good as it did now as Remus cupped his neck and his other hand fell to his waist, still pulling him closer, wrapping his fingers down, around his thigh and hitching his leg up as he pushed tighter against him, fire racing through his veins as he panted in pleasure for this not to stop...her nails scraped his stomach teasingly, she yanked his hair one last time as she undid the button and plunged her hand in to feel-

A loud, ugly gasp rasped his lips as he pushed her back like his body had wanted to do long after the fact, only for Remus to instantly let him go and smash into the door, panting with him and looking at him in horror.

"Don't, don't touch me," Sirius stuttered not at him, shivering in revulsion, he'd jump in the lake or a toilet or any body of water right now.

"Okay!" Remus panted, pressing himself harder into the door. "Merlin, I'm sorry Padfoot, I- I-"

"S'my fault," he muttered quickly, running his hands painfully over his shirt to fix how it had somehow ridden up, staring down in surprise to see Moony had in fact somehow unhooked his pants, it hadn't all been in his head, but his raging stiff cock had gone flaccid faster than a plunging quaffle. "Sorry, don't know what that was-"

"No, shit Padfoot, it isn't, I didn't come up here to, I mean," he gestured vaguely at his disheveled appearance, before taking a deep breath and stiffing his shoulders. "I swear I just, needed you to know, dammit Padfoot I can't change. Not even for you. It's, I'm not-"

"Fuck you," Sirius panted, wiping at his mouth to try and force the longing away faster. "Don't twist my words, I never asked you to! I'm so sick of you thinking, whatever! We've had this conversation a million times!"

"I do trust you though," Remus whispered, watching him with the most miserable green eyes, the golden flecks in them glowed in the dark. "More than anyone on the planet, you need to know that Padfoot. I told myself all the way up there it couldn't be true, but then I saw you and, I just ran. I, can't be, you."

"You don't have to be," Sirius sneered, hastily trying to redo his pants now, though his fingers were still shaking and he gave up, just panting and trying not to be sick as he gestured between them. "This, this right here! Bloody hell, I just wanted you to, to, damn I don't even know! I just wanted you to-" hold me.

He'd realized it the night Remus had been whimpering in his sleep, calling out for him. He really had been trying to wake him up when Moony pulled him down and held him tight in his sleep, it had taken every ounce of Sirius's will power not to relax and fall asleep next to him as he'd pulled away as much as he could while Remus refused to let go.

Working out a whole speech in his head that had sounded good and proper, he was so sure he and Moony could work this out until he was literally shoved away.

He'd wanted Remus, not James when he'd snapped out of that awful potion. The embarrassment, everything else that had happened after, he'd just wanted his stupid boyfriend to hold him and promise it would be okay. His brother had, but James wasn't Remus. Remus hadn't even tried, and it killed him. "What prompted, this?" Sirius spat. "It's been months you prick!"

Remus smiled, a really awkward little quirk of the lips as he tried to relax against the door. "I was thinking about asking Pepper out."

Sirius had no other choice but to laugh. "Good for you, now I'm the side piece."

"No, Padfoot, I didn't," Remus shook his head, hesitated as he glanced at the door and back. "I don't want anyone else, but I could try, if, if you," he sighed and did it again, "I know it was a potion, I know you hate me now because dammit Sirius this'll go round forever," he gestured vaguely to the castle beyond. "I know you mean it when you say you just want to be with me, but if this happens again I can't promise you I'll just waltz up and start beating the shit out of the next horrible person who decides to give you a love potion! I don't know what you want from me!" He finished with his eyes drilling into the floor as he waited for Sirius to brush him aside and leave at last, he'd said all he could say.

"Look at me."

Remus dragged his eyes up and stared at his haunted, haughty, scowling face. "I just want you to look at me. If you can't take to heart that I know what I bloody want than at the very least, trust this, I'd never go behind your back to do that. I would break up with you on the spot and turn around to snog someone, but never that. Just, Merlin Remus, take one second to look at me."

Remus took a shy step forward and a tentative nod. "Okay, I, I promise."

"I don't hate you Remus," Sirius held out his hand, and Remus instantly took it, both of them smiling like they hadn't since the start of term. "I'm just, having," he grimaced and didn't know how to explain he still felt like a leper in his own skin.

Moony's eyes flickered down, and Sirius blushed and looked away as he dropped his hands and tried to do up his pants again, managing it on the third try this time.

"I, I know you're not okay," Remus said remorsefully. "What did I do wrong? I swear I won't do it again?" If he was never supposed to touch his boyfriend again then so be it.

Do not, do not tell him that's the most action you've had since that mess, Sirius viciously scolded himself. Mostly he was just relieved he could get a stiffie again, he hadn't in so long. He'd been trying to, toys and kissing both bloaks and birds. When he could stomach it only in the shower, he could barely jerk himself off and it was mortifying, because nothing had happened and he'd quickly stopped from shame and fear. Sirius cleared his throat uneasily, but then found the words pouring out like a damn, "that god damn woman made me freak out about touching myself, it's been hell!" Then he smacked himself in the face and cussed himself out.

"Oh Merlin Padfoot," Remus reached out for him at once, but quickly dropped his arms.

Sirius stepped right up to him and took his hands back, placing them on his hips as he looked at him with a stubborn scowl. "Just, just take it slow," he promised, leaning in and feeling the warm thrill of bliss as Moony gently kissed him back, his fingers tightening just the barest amount like creasing a fold that would make or break an origami.

Sirius had never been very good at that whole take it slow thing as, with feeling driving in his soul, he pulled Remus in tighter by putting his hand on the back of his neck and stepping closer, the fervor of their lips, the taste of his Moony. Remus slowly, gently, maneuvered him so his back was against the door and Sirius melted into him, his embrace, those steady, rough hands that cupped his neck and kept his waist pinned so he couldn't be straddling him already as the natural, floating sensation of how damn good this felt over took him and he put his own hands around Remus's waist to feel him closer, feel their knobs pressed together-

He groaned, half pleasure half aggrieved as his boyfriend pulled back, eyes still shut, skimming his nose along his jaw now. "Slow down," Moony whispered into his ear.

"This isn't a test you bastard, fuck, just give it to me," he grumbled, even as he blinked his eyes open, knew he'd probably regret it in a few seconds, but damn he'd never forgotten how good this felt.

"Dammit Padfoot," Remus grumbled into his neck, rutting against him and making a lisping gasp pass Sirius's mouth as Moony scraped his teeth against his neck in-between words. "What did I just say? How the hell are we going to do this?" Yet his hand stayed clamped firmly in place only on his hip and in his hair as he gently, sweetly, hell almost teasingly rubbed their cocks together through their pants even as Sirius begged him to go faster by holding onto his waist and grinding, but Remus was stubbornly ignoring as he went leisurely at his own pace.

"Slow, mmf, slow," Sirius muttered in-between kissing his ear and cheek, and like some damn prepubescent teen, when Remus turned and let his tongue slip back into his mouth and gave a real thrust, Sirius moaned in satisfaction to feel himself cuming in his pants.

Remus chuckled and pressed their foreheads together, Sirius could feel he hadn't quite gotten himself off yet and Sirius licked his lips in anticipation as he knew damn well he could do something about that without having silly flashbacks. When Remus just pressed him harder into the door and laughed again, a low deep noise, it was damn seductive and he felt the heat rush through him again already. "We'll work something out," Remus agreed.

HPHPHPHP

Despite the fact that this is somehow longer than it's original, I dislike this one a lot more because I don't like making Remus regress back to how he was in All in the Family, but when it was asked for an alternate take where Remus's and Sirius's first response wasn't to shag each other, well, this was somehow the end results. Don't ask me how my brain works, I could not tell you.

[miss-celestial-being]

Secrets- H.G.

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request | masterlist

---------------------- 600 Words

request: yes- "Can the reader be slytherin secretly dating hermione. Harry and ron find out cause they walk in on hermione and y/n on whats obviously a date" - @animealways

warnings: FLUFFYYYYYYY!!! Outing, not proofread, bad writing

summary: Y/n and Hermione are secretly dating

pronouns: she/her

house: Slytherin

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Y/n POV

Hermione has alway been a wonder to me. She's smart, funny, witty, gorgeous, she always smells nice, her eyes- oh her eyes. I could get lost in them forever. I will always love this girl, weather she wants to go public or not.

We've been dating for over a year, in secret of course. Hermione isn't out yet, and I totally respect that, don't get me wrong. I get that she's not comfortable with sharing something so personal, but sometimes it'd be nice to not see guys flirting with her.

Right now we're in her dorm. It's colored with red and gold, a nice change from the green and silver I see everyday. Hermione's legs are tangled up with mine, her arms wrapped around me. I'm reading her favorite book to her, The Book Thief by Markus Zusak. I start to hear soft snores from the brunette next to me and shut the book quietly. I set it down on the nightstand and wrapped my arms around her waist, quickly falling asleep as well.

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Harry POV

Hermione. I need to find Hermione. Ron decided it was a good idea to try the Calvorio curse so he can ise it on Malfoy. I tried to stop him, but it was too late, he had already turned himself bald. It was so hard not to laugh, but I managed.

I've been looking in all of Hermione's usual spots, the library, Myrtle's bathroom, everywhere. It finally occurred to me to try looking in her dorm.

When I got there, I knocked. No answer. I knocked again, this time a little harder. Again, no answer. I decided to try and open the door. It was unlocked. I walked inside and to my surprise saw Hermione sleeping soundly next to someone. I noticed Hermione wearing a green hoodie. When I looked closer, I saw the Slytherin emblem on it.

I walked closer to get a better look at the person she was hugging onto, only to see some girl. Not just any girl, but one of Malfoy's friends. I quickly went over to Hermione and shook her. When her eyes opened, she looked to me and turned scared.

"I- I- Um... H-Harry... what- what are you doing h-here? She stuttered out. "I just cane to ask for help, who is this?" I said harshly. "I- uh..." the girl next to her opened her eyes and looked at me angrily. "What do you want." She spat. "Who are you and why are you in my best friend's bed?" I spat back. "I'm her bloody girlfriend you idiot!" Her eyes widened. She looked at a loss for words. "What?!" I yelled. I wasn't mad, just confused. "I- Hermione- I'm so sorry." The girl said, looking like she was about to cry. "I didn't mean to- I swear it was an accident." Hermione's eyes were popping out of her head. She looked over at the girl next to her and her eyes softened. "It's alright my love, I know you didn't mean to." Hermione said sweetly. "No! It's not alright! I just outed you to one of your best friends!" She yelled. "Y/n, love, don't beat yourself up about it. I know it was an accident and I forgive you." Y/n just nodded shamefully.

A few seconds later, Ron came bursting in. "HERMIONE! HELP ME!" He yelled. "I'm not helping you with that attitude." She replied. "I- wait who's that?" He stopped mid-sentence and looked to Y/n. She was about to open her mouth, but Hermione beat her to it. "My girlfriend."

----------------------

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[splishsplashyouretrash]

Hello!!! So you want a smut request? You get a smut request! So can I ask dom! Suna Rintaro x Sub! Shy! fem! reader that wants secretly do light bondaged (her hands and ankles handcuffed/or is use with rope and be blindfolded.)? And Suna find out by reading her Diary secretly. So he wants later suprise her.( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) She forget to lock her Diary and put in the bedside table when she was doing something, (like taking a shower or making food or dry the clothes from the washing machine or something else. Oh and it's a scenario/one-shot.

all tied up (18+)

hi lovely, here's what i've done for your request, i hope you like it!! ❤️ also there's potential for a part two if you or anyone else would be interested ;)

characters: soft dom!suna x shy sub fem!reader - timeskip suna just to clarify

warnings: smut, minors do not interact, curse words, soft dom, light bondage (handcuffs), praise, slight degradation, overstimulation perhaps...

word count: 1174

suna had always found it adorable how you would sit in bed and pour words into that little diary of yours and he’d by lying if he said he wasn’t interested to see what went on in that pretty head of yours. he knew better than to disrespect your privacy, he had always been such a sweetheart to you and he saw you as such an angel that he could never imagine there would be anything bad written in the diary. he kept telling himself that it couldn’t be anything that he wouldn’t know about as you had learnt to open up over the months despite being shy - he trusted you.

all of those thought flew out the window when the chance arose. you had once again been writing away until you said you were going to head for a shower. you tucked the diary into the bedside drawer it always lay in except you didn’t check to see if you had locked it. if anyone had been present in the room, they would’ve sworn that suna’s eyes lit up when he saw this opportunity staring back at him. he waited until he could distinctly hear the shower being turned on before he reached over the bed and took the diary into his hands. his values were long gone as he flipped it open, cautiously listening for when you would be back. the pages felt smooth under his calloused fingertips as he flicked to a random page and started to read your inked words. he felt his jaw drop a little as the realisation hit him that you weren’t this sweet innocent princess he had always perceived you as. But instead you were talking - no, begging - about how badly you wanted to submit to him, how you wanted to be tied down and let him have his way with you. he had to admit that he’d fucked his fist many times thinking about being dominant with you but he had never dared bring it up with you, until now.

the water had stopped. he realised this too late as you came in and shamefully caught him right in the act. you lunged forward trying to snatch it from his hands and whining about how he wasn’t meant to read that. in your efforts to try and retrieve it, you had let go of your towel which now lay on the floor and when the both of you realised this, you hurried to cover yourself with a blush setting on your cheeks.

“suna you bastard, you give it back!” your exasperated tone was made clear as he handed it back with a defeated look on his face.

“babyyy why didn’t you tell me you were such a little slut?” he purred as he pulled you onto his lap. “you know i would’ve happily obliged baby, i’m happy to try anything as long as it makes you feel good.” his words made your y/e/c eyes widen and a pout formed on your lips. you told him that you didn’t think that he’‘d be up for it to which he violently shook his head, rejecting your claim.

the two of you sat closely spoke about it for a while, what it was exactly that you wanted which turned out was what he had waned to. he proposed a date later that night and afterwards the two of you could try it out, something that made you incredibly nervous as the only times you had been intimate was pretty vanilla and you didn’t have the heart to tell him you had to make yourself cum afterwards. you were so focused on making sure he felt good that you had neglected your own needs and wants. that was something both you and suna were determined to change tonight.

after spending a few hours getting food and walking around, happily enjoying each other’s presence, you tugged at his shirt and asked to go home. he greeted you with a smile and a sweet peck on the lips. when you got inside, you were met with an array of things sprawled out on the bed that suna must’ve done before you two headed out. you walked over, kicking off your shoes and picking up the handcuffs, the cool metal soothing your skin. you turned around to find him pushing you onto the bed. his thigh pressed your legs apart as his lips met yours before he moved down to place hot kisses down your neck. looking up at you, he watched you writhe under him and could only begin to imagine the pretty sounds you’ll be making once you’re all tied down and spread for him. as much as he wanted to savour taking your clothes off, he needed you and soon enough, his hands found purchase in the middle of your dress. a loud rip echoed through the room as you looked at him in shock. he immediately set his hands on you, your legs wrapping around his waist which only brought him closer.

“you sure you wanna do this, love? tell me yellow to slow down and red to stop okay princess?” you nodded eagerly as you watched him reach for the handcuffs, anticipation heating your thighs. he took your wrists into his hands and wrapped the metal around them before securing them to the bed frame. with open-mouthed kisses trailing down your body, he repeated his previous actions to your ankles until you were lying there helpless and spread for him. your slit and thighs glistened with your slick as he bent down and licked a stripe up it. he heard your breathing hitch so he kept going, grabbing at your thighs as if he was trying to go even deeper with his tongue, alternating to wrap his lips around your clit. god you sounded oh so pretty like this as he could feel your desperation through your whimpers as the knot tightened in your core, begging to cum.

“babygirl i wanna hear you beg for me okay, use that pretty voice to ask nicely” you were barely keeping it together at this point, he was cruelly keeping you on edge like never before but soon enough you found yourself stringing out incoherent pleas. your eyes rolled back as you felt the pleasure almost rip through your exposed body, accompanied by a slur of his name. you gasped when you felt his hand return to your pussy, suna’s skilled fingers worked up your body until they found your tits, gently playing with your nipples which elicited a whine from you.

“such lewd noises you’re making pretty girl, and what a mess too hmm it’s a pity you’re so worked up i haven’t even fucked you yet” he lowly growled into your ear as you felt his straining cock through his jeans. despite feeling slight fear at his words, you couldn’t help the wetness pooling between your thighs again as you watched him start to strip off right in front of you - all tied up.

[phykios]

honesty and promise me, part 10 [co-written with @darkmagyk] [read on ao3]

“If you don’t talk to me, I’m not going to leave you my keys.”

Annabeth looks at Piper from behind the loom, glaring through the threads. “Then you won’t come back to ten bolts of fabric.”

In fairness, it was sort of an empty threat. Piper has all the good stuff: the surger, the embroidery machine, the industrial sewing machines, plus a million sources for fabric that aren’t Annabeth’s stress weaving. Annabeth only has her own shitty sewing machine at home that she’d gotten for Christmas when she was fourteen.

Also, Piper wouldn’t actually lock her out. She needs those fabrics.

“Why don’t you just not go?” Annabeth says. “If you stay, I promise to tell you all the gritty details.” She’s joking, but the second she says it, she’s hit with a strange wave of desperation.

She wants to tell Piper all the gritty details. How she had giggled and smoozed and looked so pretty on Luke’s arm, tattoos and undercut and everything else so carefully concealed. She never wanted to tell Thalia the gritty details. The dirty ones, sure, particularly when the dirty things didn’t involve Thalia’s beloved younger cousin. But she had spent two years, two hard painful years, hiding vast swaths of herself from Thalia.

She thought of the night of the gala, of Thalia telling her family she knew Luke from college. NYU. They’d been actors together.

Annabeth hadn’t been the only one hiding things.

It had stung, in all sorts of ways.

Piper stares, narrowing her eyes. “How dare you tempt me into giving up my creative retreat for gossip.”

Annabeth shrugs. “It’s one or the other.”

The glare at each other, stubborn as all hell.

Piper throws up her hands. “Fine. Just make my fabric and call Leo if you’re having another crisis.”

The truth is, she will tell Piper. Eventually. She knows she will. It will probably be in eight months, when she gets back, when hopefully the shame of her false life and the devastation of losing Percy has lessened, but she will tell her. But eight months is a long time. “I do have other friends, you know.”

“Then call Luke. Or Thalia.”

It takes absolutely everything Annabeth has not to wince at the names.

She would never have told Thalia. Not really. Even things like this, even if it hadn’t involved her. Thalia wasn’t… good at relationship stuff. Not like Piper. And she never knew all of Annabeth’s romantic history--not like Piper did, anyway.

And it wasn’t just romantic relationships.

Annabeth might have been able to share her pain, and share her pain with Thalia, but it had, in many ways, only been a surface level thing. Thalia saw her pain after Annabeth’s mom had rescinded her approval of her life, but she'd taken Annabeth’s silence as the end of the matter, and responded to it by acting out, and arguably drinking too much.

But they never talked about her mother. They never talked about Thalia’s, either, and if there was something Annabeth learned from Hazel’s gala beyond how unfairly handsome Percy was going to look in thirty years, it was that there was a lot going on there.

It is a little hurtful on reflection. Making her feel less close to Thalia, but also less guilty about what she never said. And less willing to accept her reactions.

Her emotions have been all over the place the last few weeks.

Piper notices, because of course Piper notices, but she is an angel, and has known her for a long time, so she doesn’t badger her too much. She also doesn’t mention that Annabeth’s measurements all seem to be off. Not even to say something about beauty at every size or her well publicized efforts for diverse bodies in fashion.

But it was still nice to spend time with her. It felt like the old days, staying up too late making the next thing in fashion, and then passing out together, surrounded by bobbins and bagels, Gossip Girl playing on TV.

It did make Piper’s impending departure that much harder, though.

Two weeks into November, she meets Piper and Leo for dinner, and then sees Piper off to JFK for her eight-month creativity retreat in Oklahoma. “You know, like how you decided you couldn’t have a doorman for creative reasons,” she’d said with a raised eyebrow when Annabeth had questioned the move. Piper likes to treat the last two years of Annabeth’s life like some sort of creative exercise. Her dad had done that too, once, when she bothered to answer his call.

Not that she’s not doing anything other than helping Piper pick stitches, and sewing hemlines Piper is too important to deal with herself. She wishes that earlier estimation had been true.

Since the gala she’s been living on Uber Eats at Piper’s, unless she gets bullied home, in which case it's the same but less varied selection with more meat, so the night out with Piper and Leo the night before Piper’s flight feels like a radical departure from the norm. Even though they just go to dinner.

Which does not stop her from feeling hungover the next morning.

“You had half a glass of wine last night,” Leo points out from the door of her bathroom.

“I remember,” she agrees when it lets up for a moment.

“If you get me sick,” he says, “I’m sending you the doctor's bill.”

“Fair,” she chokes out.

Leo doesn’t hug her goodbye, but he does tell her he hopes she gets better before heading back to Boston.

Annabeth, hugging porcelain, wishes she could go with him.

She was very seriously considering it a few days later. Magnus would take pity on her and Alex was always fun to hang out with. Plus, they’d probably think she was too pathetic to be called on her shit. She only did not make plans to go up to Boston because on Wednesday Luke texted her: Already a shit week, brunch this weekend? And she knew if she ran off to Boston, she wouldn’t leave Magnus and Alex’s guest room until they forced the issue.

But it would be nice to talk to someone in New York City who doesn’t hate her guts, she thought.

So, on Sunday morning, she throws up the wonton soup she’d ordered in for dinner the night before, gurgles some mouthwash, uses the expensive concealer to hide the dark circles, and over does the mascara in hopes that she mostly looks awake.

“You look terrible,” are the first words Luke says to her.

“You have no idea how to talk to women,” she says, slumping down across from him.

“I do,” Luke says, “I just know not to bother with you.” But he frowns at her, taking her in. She’s broken out a Chanel jacket, but she isn’t sure when she last washed these jeans. A real winning combo, her.

“But really,” Luke says, “you look miserable. Is it about what happened on Halloween?”

She shrugs. It isn’t not that. Percy’s words still circle through her head, his sad, defeated face as he bemoaned the, how did he put it? All the rich girls who fucked him to make a point. Made all the worse because she believes them. Probably not the same points as those princesses, but… probably not as different as she would like.

She wonders if Europe is full of very wealthy aristocratic women who are all secretly and shamefully still in love with Percy Jackson. And Frank Zhang.

It makes her feel hollow and nauseous all at once.

But she’s been feeling nauseous for weeks now, so at least it's not a new feeling. If it keeps up, she’s going to have to go to the doctor soon.

She hates going to the doctor. It feels like cheating when she just goes and pays and knows other people can’t. She had once lied to Thalia about getting money for a side gig, and then given her two hundred bucks for a trip to the clinic. Now that Annabeth has spent many hours in his cousin’s apartment, and has heard Nico talk about his yearly income on top of the money his dad gives him, she’s not sure how it came down to her.

“Not really,” Annabeth says, “I mean, I still feel just as terrible, but that’s mostly the problem. I feel sick.”

“It's been three weeks.” Luke looks genuinely concerned. “What’s going on?”

“I’m exhausted and nauseous all the time,” she says, groaning at the thought. She was okay right at this moment, but she knew it could come back at the drop of a hat.

Luke frowned at her. “That’s all?”

“Isn’t that enough?”

“I mean…” He looked at her, his eyes gazing lower, to her body. Luke had never really come on to her in any kind of real way. But she’s not sure he’s ever looked at her with less lust than he does right at that moment.

It is calculating. She’s gained some weight, she knows. But if Luke points it out, she’s going to kick him in the nuts with her steel toed boots. Or maybe make him explain himself and his relationship with Thalia.

“Annabeth,” Luke says, his voice lower, a frown on his face, “please don’t freak out.”

She can feel her heart pick up, just a bit. “That’s a terrible place to start.”

“Have you been feeling… emotionally volatile lately? Having a lot of mood swings?”

She frowns. She’d maybe been crying a little more than normal at sentimental hulu ads, but she always has a soft touch for that kind of thing, and she’s going through some stuff. “I don’t think you should ask a woman that.”

“You are really not going to like my next question, then.” He leans close and says, “Are your… breasts tender?”

“You’re right, I don’t like that question,” Annabeth says, crossing her arms over her chest. Even though they are. “I don’t know why you thought that, and how you knew.”

Luke looks at her with such pity, she feels like she’s suddenly eighteen years old again, and crying on his couch at the end of freshman year about the greatest heartbreak of her life. (It had moved to second place. Lucky it. The boy in that bar had only been theoretical, mostly.)

Luke reaches out, grasping one of her hands, and for a second, Annabeth is sure he is going to tell her that she’s dying.

“Have you considered you might be pregnant?”

She yanks her hand away. “I can’t be pregnant,” she says. “I haven’t had sex in weeks.”

“Have you had your period since then?” Luke asks.

“Not that it's any of your business,” she says, “but I haven’t had one in years.” They do talk about sex sometimes, but periods had long been off the Luke table.

Luke grimaces. “Well, you’ve been sexually active recently…”

“It’s been more than a month!”

“When did you start getting morning sickness?” Luke asks “You were throwing up at Halloween.”

“That wasn’t in the morning,” she snaps, “and I feel fine now.”

“You know morning sickness doesn’t just happen in the morning,” Luke says. “And with the rest of your symptoms, well--”

She shakes her head, glaring at Luke. His judgement would have been better than his patient mansplaining. “You think I don’t use birth control?”

Luke shrugs a little. “I mean… you’re… not great at things like daily medication. That’s what happened last time. And if a condom broke or you didn’t use one…”

Last time. Oh, last time. Last time had been the worst four hours of her life, in between realizing that she hadn’t been remembering her birth control pills every day, that her period was a few days late, and that she’d definitely been having unprotected sex with that boy in Luke’s cohort who was probably too old for her. Last time had been her having a panic attack on Luke’s Cambridge apartment couch while a very reluctant Leo was sent to buy a pregnancy test or twelve, and Piper reassuring her via speaker phone that it would be ok, while Luke rubbed her back and reminded her to breathe.

“I do remember what happened last time,” she says. “That’s why I got an IUD. Which, if you don’t know, from all your girlfriends' pregnancy scares, has the same failure rate as permanent sterilization, less than one percent. So…” So it would be okay. She couldn’t be pregnant. That’s why it had been okay for Percy and Annabeth to start fucking without a condom.

“When was the last time you got a new one?”

“August.” She says, thinking back. She was almost sure. “I remember because it was before the Eta thing--Leo called me to tell me about the ceremony while I was at the gyno.”

“So you were distracted and being a bad patient when they were trying to put it in?”

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

But she won’t give Luke, of all people, the satisfaction. “They are professionals. They should know what they’re doing, even if I was on the phone.”

Luke gives her his most disappointed dad face. It is worse than Annabeth’s own father. “You’re the one who always tells me I need to not make people’s jobs harder by being a bad client,” he quietly reminds her.

She fucking hates him.

But despite herself, she pulls out her phone, and begins googling misplaced IUDs and pregnancy.  

They haven’t even ordered yet, but Luke is already standing up, probably based on the look on her face as she manages to fight through the dyslexia and figure out what it says. “Come on,” he says, helping her out of her chair, even though she’s not an invalid. She just might be pregnant.

She pushes that thought away as she follows Luke into a cab and then up to his apartment. He makes her some tea and hands her a banana while he goes to get her a pregnancy test, because Luke’s not quite shameless enough to have one at home. She waits for him in a living room straight out of American Psycho and reads up on IUD pregnancy complications online. Which she probably should not have done.

By the time Luke gets back, she is crying again. He’s gotten her 3 tests, which is very considerate of him, as she’s going to need them.

Walking into the bathroom, she’s shaking hard enough that she needs to brace herself on the wall. He lets her use the nice one off his bedroom, though it's not like she needs the jacuzzi tub.

When she’s done peeing, she sets a timer on her phone and sits on Luke’s bed. He tries to speak to her several times. She doesn’t respond.

It isn’t the longest ten minutes of her life, because the truth is, she knows.

She already knows.

When the alarm goes off, she shrugs off Luke’s arm and silently walks back into the bathroom.

Luke got a digital readout, because what else was he going to do. And so she looks at the little screen and just barely processes the word pregnant.

She doesn’t need to take the other tests. She doesn’t need confirmation or to be convinced.

She reaches down and pressed on her lower abdomen, lifting her shirt. She had noticed a slight change. But she’d also changed a lot of her daily routine lately, had eaten a lot more ice cream. Right now, she can’t see any kind of bump, not really, but she can see a shift. Something flat gone fuller.

Annabeth is pregnant.

Annabeth is pregnant with Percy’s baby.

Percy’s baby.

She bursts into tears all over again.

An eternity later, there is a knock on the door.

“Annabeth,” Luke calls, “can I come in?”

She manages to choke out a yes.

Luke finds her sitting on the edge of the tub. He looked at the test still sitting on the counter.

“Let me make a call,” he says, sitting next to her, resting a hand on her arm. “I know a doctor. He can get you a pill or maybe even see you if you need it. Probably today or tomorrow. We can get this all taken care of and then I’ll buy you ice cream and we can watch Legally Blonde, and you can complain about how it doesn’t accurately reflect the admissions process.”

Normally Annabeth would pre-complain, and point out that given Elle’s GPA, LSAT, and extracurricular activities, she would have been a shoe in for her program, and the movie was dismissive of her prior academic achievement. But she’s too busy parsing what Luke is saying.

He squeezes her hand in support. “It's going to be okay,” he says, sweetly.

“No.” She says. But not because it won’t be okay. “No, I’m not going to have an abortion.”

“It's okay,” Luke promises. “I would never judge you. And no one else would ever have to know. This isn’t something you have to do.”

“I know that,” Annabeth says. “I don’t have to do anything.” She detangles her hand from Luke’s and rests it on her stomach, where her uterus waits under her skin. “I want to do this.”

Luke looks at her hand. “Poseidon Olympianides’ son?” he asks. “That’s the father?”

She nods.

Blowing out a breath through his teeth, he sighs. “Well, you’ll be able to get some good child support out of him at least. That family is loaded.”

“Don’t say that,” she nearly screams, and Luke actually jerks back a little. “He doesn’t have any money. He’s his dad’s bastard kid,” she says, feeling a little bad about revealing his family history, but knowing that the word would spark something in Luke. “I don’t know if I’m even going to tell him.”

It feels like something cheap and shallow, trapping a man with a lie, then a baby.

She’s still crying and tentatively, Luke reaches out and wraps his arms around her, pulls her to him.

“Come on,” he says, pulling her up. “You still need ice cream and a movie.”

Annabeth cries. And she doesn’t fight him, but it feels so strange. Half way through her Caramel Sutra and the Legally Blonde proshot, she realizes what’s different.

For the first time since Percy walked out of her apartment without a good-bye kiss, Annabeth Chase is happy.

She’s pregnant with Percy Jackson’s baby.

She’s going to have Percy Jackson’s baby.

She’s not sure if she’s ever heard anything as wonderful in her entire life.

And if she’s going to be worthy of it, worthy of her baby, then she’s going to have to get her shit together.

[seacottons]

Find a Reason to Smile

pairing: choi san x reader

summary: you help an amnesiac named san find his way back home, and in return he helps you find a reason to always smile.

genre: sci-fi, dystopian au, horror, angst, language

words: 16.9k

warnings: excessive violence, blood, mental instability, mentions of smut.

The wind and rain felt like tiny little pricks against your skin and hair as you hastily rode back home on your yellow bicycle. Dark clouds blanketed the coastal town of yours, washing it an eerie, yet somewhat comforting darkness. Despite the gloomy weather, your mood was still beaming due to just wrapping up the last exam of your third year in university.

The streets were almost nearly vacant in this part of town, thankfully. You slowed down slightly whilst crossing roads and intersections, puddles of water splashing harshly against your shoes. Your hair clung onto your face, and a few strands flew into your mouth and eyes as you turned corner after corner. You flinched as the sound of thunder shook the ground underneath you. The street lamps and illuminated street signs flickered rapidly, and a flash of lightning followed shortly afterwards.

Your mind only registered what just occurred after a few seconds too late. A flash right in front of you blinded your sight, and a big lump of a body strewn on the wet cement crossed paths with your bicycle, causing you to fly and skid across the concrete a few feet away from the initial impact.

Hissing under your breath as pebbles dug into your broken flesh of your palms and knees, you glanced up and groaned, completely confused as to what made you lose your balance. You were positive there was nothing but empty space there a few seconds ago. The rain was heavy, but not enough to blind you. Your head throbbed, and you were sure bruises were already forming. 

Your breath was caught in your throat at the sight of a man lying beside your bike, clutching his side and emitting grunts of pain, his frame writhing. The man could make out a few words through the hazy fog of his mind,"Mist...okay..."

"Mister..are...okay?"

"Mister, are you okay?"

You scrambled up onto your feet, mind frazzled and bewildered,”I’m so, so sorry! I didn’t see you there! I- ..what were you doing lying down in the middle of the sidewalk. Oh my god, are you okay?” you blithered loudly, hands reaching down to grab onto the man’s own frail ones.

Your rambling seemed to make the man’s headache even worse, and you hastily helped him onto his feet. He was a few inches taller than you, a well built, lean frame adorned with dark clothing and a leather jacket. A striking patch of green decorated his ebony locks, which clung to his flushed face as his pained eyes bore into your own, “Where am I? Who are you?”

You visibly blanched upon hearing the male’s words, hesitant hands reaching up to clutch the air in front of you, panic soon welcoming itself into your eyes and voice, “I gave you amnesia..,” you clutched his wet, black leather jacket with desperate fists, brows knitting in distress, “Please don’t sue me! I have one more year left to graduate! I’ll help yo-“

You were thankful that no one was driving by to witness the scene, you on your wobbly legs, screaming desperately in a stranger’s face. Before you managed to finish your plead, the man’s eyes rolled to the back of his head, his frame collapsing onto your own jittery one. Yelping in fright, your hands flew to steady his body, which felt cold and deadweight in your arms. You rested your fingers against his jugular, your shoulders deflating in relief at the prominent heartbeat.

Spending the night of your last day of the semester was intended to be scheduled with partying, watching movies, going out with acquaintances, but fate decided to grant you a man who popped out of whatever that flash was, only to faint in your arms in broad daylight, feet away from your apartment complex, and rain drops creating frequent ripples in the puddles surrounding you two.

You were paranoid that somehow you’d be imprisoned or fined if you called the police for giving a stranger a possible concussion, so the next best thing you came up with is to take said stranger back to your apartment, wrapping him up in several towels and lying him down onto the couch. Droplets of rain cascaded down his high cheekbones, and onto your leather sofa, but that was the least of your concern at the moment. You debated whether or not to call your mother for help. She will certainly give you an earful if she found out you allowed a stranger into your own home.

As you were in the process of constructing a reasonable sounding text, a groan escaped the man’s mouth as he reached up to press the heel of his palm onto his forehead. You panicked at the sight, frame stiffening as the male sat up slowly, pausing to gaze at you in confusion. He tilted his head, eyes blinking in curiosity. His dark orbs studied your form, flickering around to examine his surroundings before turning back to you, “Hello?”

You offered an awkward smile, shrugging your shoulders and putting your phone down, “Uh.. hi. I’m (y/n). Are you feeling better, Mister? Do you remember anything?”

His dark eyes glanced around the room once again, before looking down at his wet attire and hands. He peered at his reflection from the mirror across from him and turned to you with a look of distress, “I don’t seem to recall anything other than when you crashed into me. By any chance, do I know you? Do you know who I am?”

There were a few moments in your life you were proud of. Few, meaning you can count them with one hand. This was not one of them. You found yourself crying in the middle of your apartment, with a complete stranger attempting to comfort and console you, when in fact he was the one who most likely needed it most. He smiled sheepishly, his attempt at consoling you only twinging a bit of hope in the pit of your stomach. He explained that it wasn’t logical for you to be the cause of his amnesia, due to the fact that you only managed to hurt his side as opposed to his head. You winced at the memory, nodding shamefully and offering him some ointment for the mark on his side, courteously left by the wheel of your bicycle. About half an hour of ceaseless reassurance from the man, you managed to regain your composure, asking him if he had some sort of identification.

To your disappointment, and his also, there was no source of information to identify him with. Pockets empty, no phone in sight either. You ran a hand through your hair, eyes downcast as you scrambled to think of plan b, only to catch sight of the the marking behind the man’s left ear. You raised a brow, leaning forward and tilting your head, startling the male from the sudden proximity,”You have a tattoo? San? Is that your name?”

There doesn’t seem to be any spark of recognition in the man’s eyes as you say the name, but he scratches the nape of his neck sheepishly,”I am honestly not too sure, but it’s safe to assume that it is? I’m sorry, I wish I could just remember one thing at least..”

You offered him a smile of pity, shaking your head to disagree with him,“That’s okay, San. I’m sure we’ll figure something out. In the meantime, you should change before you end up getting sick. I think my clothes will fit you somewhat. It’s the least I can do for crashing into you. Is that okay?”

“Ah, thank you,” you nodded at him to proceed,”I appreciate it. Do you mind if I stay here until the rain stops?”

You dug through numerous names of people named San on social media within your town, but you had no luck in finding a match. If your parents knew you kept a complete stranger in your home out of pity, they would’ve called you a lunatic.

He was very bashful about the offer to stay the night, denying it at first and telling you he’ll find his way somehow. Days later, you spotted him sleeping on one of the bus benches near your apartment as you made your way to the convenience store. He was reluctant at first, but finally agreed to stay for a short term with you.

You hadn’t even meant to but the poor guy had nowhere to go, no money on hand, and no memories whatsoever. What a predicament to be in.

Several days passed, and you’ve yet to tell your anyone of the incident that occurred that spring night.

It was no lie that over the course of several weeks of summer, the man had grown onto you. San was extremely humble, aiding you in any way he found possible. He took charge of cleaning, cooking, and even ironing your clothes on some days. The days when you had work, you would come home to find the apartment sparkling, and the smell of dinner wafting through the entirety of the small complex.

There were a few strange quirks you’ve noticed about him, though. For starters, he called the planet Earth, Utopia. You sat down for a good half hour over dinner one night, arguing back and forth regarding the name, but he just couldn’t explain why he thought that, and where that piece of information came from. He flung a pea at your nose as you pulled out several maps on your phone, proving your point, a pout resting on his features as he gave up his argument.

You were mildly paranoid that San was secretly a slimy alien disguised as a handsome, young man, from a different planet who somehow dropped down onto Earth, but you pushed that thought away several days later when he showed zero signs of being extra terrestrial. ( You forced him to sit down through reruns of alien related films, gauging and studying his reactions only to disprove your conclusion when he grimaced and complained he didn’t like the concept of aliens. )

However, he always seemed fascinated by the twinkling stars at night, occasionally asking if you’d like to sit and watch them, instead of movies, every now and then.

He enjoyed warm cups of tea as the cool breeze from outside fluttered into the apartment, the two of you pointing out which constellations you recognized.

—

“This is cute,try it on!" you threw a fuzzy, white sweater at San over the door of the changing room.

He took it off his head and inspected it, eyes blinking rapidly. He then threw it back,"It seems itchy."

"Come on! How about this?"

"The color is reminiscent of the time you threw up the leftover sushi.”

"Just say it’s an ugly shade of green and shut up," you grumbled, stomach flipping at the mere thought of the incident that occurred days prior. This wasn’t the first time he bought it up, only to laugh and tease you for it when you quickly shut him down.

San, albeit surprisingly being a playful and mischievous guy, was very modest and humble when it came to your shopping trips. Guilt would wash his features as he argued about you spending money on him for clothes and other necessities, often making excuses of why he didn’t want the items you chose for him, but you never missed the sparkle in his eyes as he placed the articles of clothing back on the racks.

He would pull items from your hands before you had the chance to purchase them for him, sometimes starting embarrassing scenes in various stores. When you have him a hard time, he would cling onto your arm, whining into your ear and attempt to pull you out of the store.

You did get kicked out of a plushie store that one time in which you accidentally kicked over one of the shelves while wrestling over a shiba inu plushie, tipping it over only slightly, but just enough for stacks of puppy plushies to fall into a heap on the floor.

He would often scold you when he finds the same item he’d been ogling laying innocently onto his makeshift bed in the tiny living room. San profusely apologized for being a nuisance to you and your wallet, and every time, you threatened to wrestle him down to take back his words.

“You said you wanted this one, and you’d name him Shiber. So give him a proper welcome to our home.”

He did ask to help him find a job, but you insisted you were fine with spending your money on him for the next month. Tuition and books were not a problem thanks to your scholarship, rent wasn’t too high, and you didn’t even own a car for you to spend money on gas. You also had several years of saving up from numerous jobs to help you put your mind at ease, but that did not stop the gnawing feeling of guilt that succumbed San every time you traded your money for something to give him.

You did take him to see a specialist, and he’d gone under several tests and examinations, but all the test results came back normal. There was no indication of head trauma, and he was very healthy for his age, which you two assumed to be in his early to mid twenties.

Nobody in town recognized him when you two had your weekly shopping trips, either.

He did promise to only spend two months with you and go about his way, if he managed to recover his memories. If not, he would land a job while you returned back to university for your senior year.

You never did tell him, but you left your bedroom door ajar ever so slightly to gaze at him in sympathy during the nights he woke up restless, silently staring out the window of the living room, arms clutching Shiber to his chest tightly for comfort. You knew he didn’t enjoy feeling lost and helpless, even if he never liked to admit it. His eyes held a heavy, silent sadness, one so deep that you think not even time will mend.

Learning to read and understand San came naturally and seamlessly. You caught every flicker of his eyes, every change in his tone, and every expression he makes. Every twitch of his lips did not go unnoticed by you.

He soon warmed up to your comforting presence, much like the summer weather.

"Ahhh! It burns!"

You fell in a tangled mess of sheets and limbs, startled by a screech. You were acutely aware of the pain blossoming onto your bottom as you landed ungracefully on your wooden floor. Beams of sunlight shone brightly in your room, welcoming the new day.

"San! Are you okay!?”

You piped hurriedly,  stumbling up to rush towards the male, tangled sheets clinging around your ankle, your hair a mess and eyes puffy from sleep.

You failed to notice a roll of toilet paper flying towards your head.

The impact startled you, heart leaping in your throat at the sudden attack, your adrenaline pumping through your veins as you raised your arms for defense.

It was San on the bathroom doorway, mouth red and puffy and eyes glassy with unshed tears.

"Where the hell did you get this mouthwash? It's like I'm swishing fire in my mouth!" he cried, profusely rubbing at his mouth the back of his sleeve. He grumbled, turning around to lightly slap the bottle of green liquid on the bathroom countertop, fidgeting around and running his hands through his hair in exasperation.

"Fucking hell, San. You nearly gave me a heart attack.”

“I nearly burned my tongue off, but thanks for asking!”

You dropped your head in your hands, contemplating your life choices for a few seconds before walking back to your bedroom to get an hour more of undisturbed sleep.

Summer was nearing an end, and the two of you fell into a simple routine. He would iron your work clothes the night before, wake up early to cook a light breakfast, and help you tidy up for your day.

You had joked one day, asking if his profession was a chef due to his great cooking skills.

“Maybe you’re secretly rich and hired me as your personal chef, but we argued one day, and you hit me so hard with a pan that I lost my braincells, and-“

You quickly stuffed his mouth with a loaf of bread to shush him up. He blinked, flabbergasted at the sudden intrusion, before hastily swiping a jam covered finger onto your cheek in retaliation.

Not only was he talented at cooking great food, but he was also amazing at styling hair.

He scoffed as a stubborn strand of your tresses curled up from the nearly perfect hairstyle he struggled to create. Licking his lips, he pressed them into a thin line as he leaned forward, gel slicked hands working meticulously to smoothen out your locks,”San, I work at a coffee shop, not at a fashion agency. Don’t you think this is a bit much?” your back ached from being stuck in the same position for nearly forty minutes.

He ignored your comment, scolding you for attempting to distract him, eyes trained onto redoing the intricate braid in your hair, adding several tiny diamond clips, and a golden ribbon lacing through your locks. You tilted your head at an angle, struggling to catch sight of his beautiful work in the mirror, your eyes practically twinkling in delight at the sight.

“San, you’re so talented! I should’ve hired you as my hairdresser months ago,” you marveled happily.

His heart leaped in his throat, much like the acrobats he’s seen in movies, whilst you crushed him into a tight hug. He stared down at the crown of your head, jaw slackening  and eyes growing wide at the first physical gesture of affection you’ve ever given him. His frame felt like it was doused in gasoline and lit on fire, but before he had the chance to ask himself why, he caught sight of his reflection. His ears were an embarrassing shade of pink, like the tiny cosmos he helped you grow on the balcony. He hoped you hadn’t noticed.

A gentle smile found itself onto his features as he raised a  respectful hand to the dip of your back, returning the hug fondly, his lids fluttering shut as he basks in the moment of having you cling onto him. This was better than hugging Shiber, he noted to himself.

“I’ll do it for as long as time allows it,” he curls a strand of your hair around his pointer finger, before delicately pinning it behind your ear, his gaze unfaltering as his eyes bore into your own.

A comfortable silence fell between the two of you, and you simpered at his bashful expression,”I’ll see you tonight, then. No need to cook anything, either. Today we’ll try out the new barbecue place across town, yeah?”   His eyes widened, your bright tone snapping him out of his dazed state, eyeing you in mild embarrassment for staring much too long than deemed necessary. He pulled away abruptly, hands busy attending to the brushes and combs across the counter, anything that was within his grasp really– the green patch of hair concealing his eyes from your sight,”Y-yeah. I’ll be ready when you come back home,” he responded, voice meek and delicate as he flashed you a small grin.

His tender smile was reminiscent of spring mornings: fresh, warm, and welcoming.

—

The oil sizzled as you gently laid down a slice of chicken onto the grill, your hands startling as tiny droplets of oil met the flesh of your hands. The steel tongs fell from your grip, mouth pulled back as you emit a hiss of pain, your other hand flying to rub away at the burning sensation.

Delicate hands wrapped around your own, the pads of his fingers rubbing soothing circles onto your skin, his eyes holding a weight of disappointment,”I told you, you’re supposed to do it gently, or else you’ll splash yourself with all that oil, dummy.”

“I was being gentle!” you shot back, only for your words to die down into a small whisper once you locked your eyes with his. Clearing your throat, you pulled your hands away from his hold, allowing your tresses to frame your face in hopes of concealing the blossoming pink of your cheeks. ”Alright, I’ll be more cautious next time,” you added quickly, picking at the side dishes with your chopsticks, sheepishly avoiding his teasing stare.

You couldn’t quite pinpoint when exactly San’s gazes affected you the way they did now.

They left a soft, bubbly feeling inside the pit of your stomach, reminding you of his favorite powder scented laundry detergent he became very fond of.

“It cleans Shiber’s fur better than the lavender one.”

You didn’t know why you now noticed small quirks of his that you found attractive.

The way his skin dips as he smiles, displaying the cutest set of dimples you’ve ever set your eyes on. The way his eyes glimmer at the sight of a new episode of his favorite tv series. The way his voice rises an octave in excitement at a clear night sky, displaying twinkling diamonds over the town.

And also the tiny freckles that were beautifully paraded thanks to his v-neck shirts. The mole on his cheek. Or when he gnaws his bottom lip in concentration when either cooking or attempting to rid his shirts of a stubborn wrinkle.

The way the veins in his arms are more pronounced whilst he cooks up your favorite dish, or when his muscles ripple as he reaches up for something on the shelves.

And the sound of his contagious laugh as you proposed the idea of him becoming your roommate and helping him hunt for a job, despite having no known credentials or work experience as soon as you move to Seoul.

Initially, you didn’t think much of these small seeds of attraction you felt towards him. It wasn’t a crush. You were merely fond of his cute, clingy behavior.

You ignored them when they sprouted.

And now it seems they have blossomed, and you think there’s no denying it anymore, however you decided for the sake of the steady and well-built friendship, you’ll bury those feelings in a small, dark corner of your mind, tucked safe and away from prying eyes, specifically his.

“(Y/n)?”

You jumped in your seat, eyes widening and a ghost of a breath escaping your parted lips as you crashed back down to reality. San’s eyes were furrowed in concern at your silence, his hand hovering over the grill, tongs stretched and ready to latch onto the meat. You were quick to whip out an apology, offering him a sheepish grin,”Sorry, did you say something?”

He jabbed a thumb to the flat screen t.v, quickly changing the subject to save you from further embarrassment,”They’re talking about University of Seoul. Isn’t that the one you’re planning on transferring to next month?”

Physics Professors of US, Dr. Jung and assistant Dr. Kang, announce successful test in the relation between their theory of quantum physics and alternate reality; They say the world is ready to witness something grand.

You glanced at the long headline, eyes then trailing up to the news anchor, and then back to San. A black haired professor began an interview with the hosts over video call, but you soon tuned it out disinterestedly while spooning a few grains of rice and seasoned seaweed, only pausing mid-bite as you noticed the twinkling reflection of the lightbulbs in tear drops falling from San’s eyes as he stared silently at the screen.

“San? Are you okay?”

He quirked a brow in confusion, only then following your line of vision towards his side of the table. Peering down at the droplets, he raised dainty fingers to brush against his cheeks, examining the wetness as he pulled away, confusion decorating his features,“Oh? I’m crying?”

You settled your spoon down, eyes, filled to the brim with concern, roaming to study his features, and for the first time since you met him, you couldn’t read the expression on his face, couldn’t decipher what he was feeling. Your appetite suddenly dissipated, worry filling hunger’s place instead,”Is something the matter? You can tell me, you know?”

The lights in the restaurant flickered continuously, tv screens pixelating and distorting. Customers and the employees paused their ministrations to look around in confusion.

Your face glitched and pixelated, and his eyes widened at the sight.

Go back home!

As if watching a poorly captured, grainy video, he suddenly found himself in a pitch black room. He was aware he was standing above a fallen figure, even with the lack of light. A beam suddenly flashed down upon him, casting a dim ring of light around his frame. His pupils dilated and quivering at the sight of the pale visage void of any signs of life staring blankly at him from the bloody mess on the floor. Upon closer inspection, he realized the corpse he was staring down at was an exact replica of himself, face gaunt and frozen with terror stricken eyes.

Go back home, San. I’m so sorry.

The corpse’s ghostly face blurred and pixelated, before he felt lips press against his own, a giggle following shortly after. His breath caught in his throat as he gaped down at your smiling figure,”Of course, I’ll marry you, Sannie. Who else would I want to spend the rest of my life with?”

Home.

And then you vanished in fade of colors, your body dissipating with the breeze.

Everything came to a gentle still.

Suddenly, the sight of a fist gripping a gleaming syringe rushing towards his direction and painfully digging into his wrist—

He jumped, startled knees crashing into the underside of the table, the utensils clattering upon impact, making you also jolt in place, hands hastily reaching up to clamp onto your chest in surprise.

“San!”

Unbeknownst to him, something akin to severe horror flashed within his orbs for a millisecond, silent terror haunting the dark depths of his eyes as his gaze flickered from the tv screen to your face, the ambiance of the restaurant becoming nothing more than a faint, muted buzz in the background.

You were alarmed by the sudden rapid rise and fall of his chest, shallow breathing overlapping with the sounds of utensils clattering in the background.

“San? San, tell me what’s wrong.”

He took a moment to assess your expression, hesitantly shaking his head moments later, voice small, hands fidgeting with his chopsticks, before reaching up to grasp the sides of his head, suddenly unaware as to why his hands were trembling,”I don’t know? I don’t know why I’m crying, (y/n). I have a terrible migraine too.”

You were quick to send a glare at the nosy customers who took a sudden interest in you and your friend, eyes narrowing in triumph as they hastily averted their gazes.

“Do you think I’m having an allergic reaction to something?” you heard San mumble into his palm.

You weren’t sure how to answer him.

“Yeah, maybe.. it’s the radish?”

You don’t think you’ve ever seen sheer, raw terror in one’s eyes like that before.

That look on his face will forever haunt you.

Weeks later, that night was buried away along with the other nights you’ve spent with San in your coastal town. He helped you pack your belongings, taping box after box as the two of you prepared to move inland into the city for your final year of university.

San surprised you two days after you moved into your new, spacious apartment with the announcement that he obtained a job at a local floral shop just down the street, owned by two friends, Jongho and Yunho. You blanched as soon as he informed you that he explained to them he had no idea of his identity and held no official documents, but had a knack for delicate and intricate styling of materials, ranging from flowers, to food, and hair. He even challenged them to a bouquet arrangement match.

“Is that seriously how you convinced them? No fingerprints or anything? No documents? How will they pay you? You can’t just go around telling people you lost your memories, San. What if someone takes advantage of you?” you chided gently, brows creasing as you worked at adjusting one of the paintings on the wall.

He feigned a pout, fingers reaching to brush a strand of hair from your eyes,”And here I thought you’ll say let’s go out to celebrate. Are you not proud of me? I’m getting paid in cash to avoid the documentation requirements, if that’s what’s bothering you. I told you I need to start helping with the bills,” he crossed his arms, back resting against the wall and head turned the other direction as he silently sulked.

You didn’t know if that was even legal, but you decided to brush it off at the sight of his crestfallen expression, your hands quickly finding their way to his own, grasping them and giving them a gentle squeeze,”Of course we’ll celebrate! Over drinks and barbecue!”

If the Sun had feelings, you were sure it would feel a massive amount of envy towards the male in front of you, with the way his face shined and glowed with every smile that reached his handsome features. Your heart will never become accustomed to the sunshine-like smile, no matter how many times he beams at you like that.

A month flew by as quickly as the leaves changed color during autumn, and soon, you two found yourselves constantly huddled underneath a large blanket, hands holding steaming mugs of tea while you watched new movies his co-workers  recommended him. You smiled fondly at his excited announcement of finding a new movie to share with you. Your heart swelled at the sound of his giggling throughout the film.

You confided to him after one particular movie regarding homesickness, suddenly finding yourself tearing up at the thought of your old town and apartment and how much you missed them.

He prodded your cheek in a playful manner, tapping away your tears with a tissue before running a soothing palm onto the back of your head,”You just have to find a reason to smile. It won’t fix the problem per say, but it’ll make the situation easier for you until you find a solution,” he mused,”Like me, for example! I don’t have a clue about who I was or am, or where I came from, but you’re the reason I still smile.”

Your brows rose up high at his words, and you couldn’t tell if the flush on your face was the result of crying anymore. You also felt ashamed all of a sudden, realizing your situation wasn’t nearly as bad as his,”I make you happy?”

“Of course you do,” he chuckled, hands patting his chest proudly,”I don’t have to be reason for you to smile, though. Maybe it can be that big star that twinkles every night out your window, or the smell of that nice bakery down the street.”

Your stomach fluttered.

“You make me smile more than anything and anyone, San.”

Some days, he’ll come home to find you face first in one of your heavy books, hand still gripping your pen while a monotonous voice from your laptop plays out throughout the kitchen. He chided your sleeping form as he picked you up, carrying you to your bedroom and huffing when you immediately snuggled into your sheets and pillows,”What will you ever do without me, dummy.”

The third month in, and you eventually became accustomed to the new environment, city, people, and university. It was a lot larger in comparison to your previous one, and it accommodated not only local students, but international ones as well. You were offered an internship with one of the university’s top leading music professors, and you contemplated accepting the offer or not for months. It worked out in your favor, though. San had a stable job now. You weren’t as worried about your finances as much as you were before, you were enjoying your last year of studies, your apartment was spacious enough to fit the both of you, and it wasn’t too far from your university either.

Your manifestations of a simple and happy life became reality, and there was no room left to complain.

There was one problem though.

You learned that San was not to be trusted with money. He either spent it on food or yourself. You begged, pleaded, and chided repeatedly that you really did not need every color of the sweater you liked at the shop, or the fancy teacup you saw at the market, but he insisted on buying them all,”But all these colors suit you! Besides, it’s getting too cold, you need to dress warmly!”

Saturday night he presented you with a glittering, amethyst necklace. You paled at the sight, cheeks stuffed with the remaining spoonfuls of dinner as you gazed from your plate, to the necklace, and then back to his face,”You didn’t. San, not again..” you shook your head.

At your words, he rolled his eyes, scoffing and skidding his chair as he stood up to walk towards you,“You have the audacity to complain? Have you forgotten you’ve bought all my clothes and kept me well fed over the summer?” he leaned over your frame, polite hands clasping the necklace around the column of your neck, grinning in satisfaction as it glimmered underneath the fluorescent lights,”You make it even more beautiful than it already is, (y/n).”

He gasped as you choked on the remnants of your food, hands hastily slapping your back in aid, loud voice bouncing against the walls of the apartment, scolding you for not being careful enough with your food.

One night, he came home pleading for you to visit the amusement park that opened in town. San knew that one certain look of his that made your resolve crumble into nothing but a heap of emptiness within a matter of seconds, and that jerk used it to his advantage every damn time. And it worked every damn time.  You were ashamed of how easily you fell for his tricks, but in most circumstances, it was worth it.

If one day, the Sun were to cease existing, it will be okay, because San’s smile is its greatest rival.

You swore San’s eyes twinkled brighter than any of the stars in the night sky. Happiness looked best on San. He had bits of cotton candy still stuck on his cupid’s bow, pockets filled to maximum capacity with tickets. You couldn’t help but emit a snort of amusement at his behavior as he dragged you from booth to booth, demanding you to a challenge every time.

He was the embodiment of happiness and sunshine, all things soft and delicate. He begged you to enter the photo booths with him, and then proceeded to have a bet on who can win the most prizes.

“I’m telling you, these games are all rigged. I just know it,” you grumbled angrily, harshly chomping down onto a handful of popcorn.

He peeked up, arms struggling to carry the amount of plushies and prizes he won. A green hat sat on his head comfortably, his eyes teasing as you placed a few pieces of popcorn into his gaping mouth,”Sorry, couldn’t hear you from all the plushies I’m holding. What did you say?”

“San, that makes absolutely no sense.”

“I know, you’re just fun to tease.”

He managed to win at nearly every game you played, and you gaped in disbelief as he won at the fishing game for the fifth time in a row. Crossing your arms, you turned around, hand sticking up to shush him as he called your name,”Rigged!”

You felt something cold and hard poke your cheek, and you turned to be met with a pouty rubber duck that was much too close for comfort. He repeated the action, along with a soft quack, and you attempted to swat his prize toy away from him, only for him to mimic the duck’s expression, your heart nearly falling to your feet at the sight,”Don’t be angry. I promise I’ll let you win next time.”

Having San work at a floral shop meant being gifted with a new flower every day.

He would beg you to stop writing in your notebook just to listen to him ramble on about what a certain flower meant, and so forth. Curse Jongho for getting him into this sort of thing, but you couldn’t deny the fact he appeared so endearing while blabbering passionately about why he thinks white roses aren’t meant to be related to death, or why cosmos deserve more love after Yunho trash talked them one day.

“Jongho, what are you doing?” San asked one day, arms placing the new shipment of glass vases down in the corner of the room. Yunho peeked up from tying a ribbon onto a pink bouquet, snickering at the sight of Jongho ripping petal after petal of a yellow flower.

“He wants to know if the girl that visits the shop every Friday likes him back,” Yunho teased, ducking as a piece of floral foam was thrown in his direction.

San leaned over Jongho’s shoulder to study the flower inquisitively, eyes wide and curious,”How do you determine that?” Jongho’s miffed expression soon was replaced with a stoic one as he explained to San how it works,”So, all I have to do is pluck them and whichever is the last one..”

Jongho nodded, elbowing the ebony haired male in the chest,”Are you thinking about the girl you live with?”

San’s flustered expression gave him away. He hid the white daisy behind his back defensively, shrugging his shoulders and announcing he has to get back to work. Jongho and Yunho shot knowing smiles at his retreating figure.

“She loves me not. She loves me. She loves me not.”

Hiding behind a stack of boxes, San was finally at the last petal, his fingers hovering above it with widened eyes and parted lips,”She loves me.”

You were too engrossed in editing an audio file, that the sight of a gerbera daisy flying into your face startled you nearly to death. San laughed as you yelped in fright, hands immediately ripping the headphones from your ears, before repeatedly smacking his hip in anger,”Are you trying to give me a heart attack!” you hissed in frustration.

He placed the daisy behind your ear and leaned back up to examine his work,”So pretty.”

You didn’t know whether he was referring to the flower or yourself, but either way, that didn’t stop your ears from flaring up.

A month later, you managed to survive the exams, and your second to last semester came to an end. The university held a party a week later in celebration, just before winter holiday, and you asked San over dinner if he’d like to attend. He shyly denied it at first, saying he never learned how to dance, but you insisted you wouldn’t have to if it made him uncomfortable,”We can just relax and eat the food there. I promise it’ll be fun!”

You wore a well fitted, knee length black dress, and insisted on San wearing something formal as well, much to his displeasure. He reached a hand to readjust his tie for the umpteenth time that night, glowering at your snickering form,”Oh stop, you’ll mess it up. You look perfectly fine.”

“Fine? Is that all I get?” he prodded your cheek, playful lilt to his tone,”You should pay me, Prince San, for attending this party with you. I will only accept cash or kisses.”

His grin stretched further as you stumbled on your words, a faint scowl reaching your features as you thwacked him on the chest lightly,”Stop being embarrassing!”

You loved his teasing.

He knew you did, and curse him for taking every opportunity to make you a blushing, babbling mess, especially in public. The university’s courtyard couldn’t be recognized from the dangerous amount of people within the area, music blasting off in several directions, and drinks and food being served left and right.

San shot you a smile as he noticed the glimmering pendant resting on your collarbones,”Did you want to dance, (y/n)?”

You glanced at him curiously, head tilting back as you took a sip of your soda,”I thought you were too shy to dance in public?”

“That’s where you’re not wrong,” he chuckled, taking you by the wrist and behind one of the building’s corners. People still walked by, but there was a curtain of privacy that provided him with a subtle boost of confidence. He mimicked the princes in his favorite movies, head bowing and offering you his hand, to which you laughed and accepted. Your arms rested against his firm chest, lithe fingers curling onto his shoulders as his hands hesitantly found their way to rest onto the dip of your waist,”I don’t know if I’m doing this right.”

“I can’t believe we’re slow dancing to club music,” you couldn’t help but laugh, head thrown back in glee as San took stiff, unsure movements, a sheepish smile gracing his features as he ducked his head shyly, his earrings glimmering underneath the moonlight.

“It’s the only dance that seemed easy enough online,” he mumbled, unsure of his movements now that he held you in his arms,”I watched five videos.”

You flashed him a grin, pausing slightly to lean forward onto your toes, pressing a chaste kiss onto his cheek,”You’re doing so well. You never cease to impress me, San.”

You watched his jaw go slack, hands now hovering over your waist as he peers at you unsurely. For a split second, you were worried if you crossed the line, however, he released a chortle of amusement, leaning down to press his lips flush against your forehead,”And to you the same, dearest (y/n).”

The party was nearing an end, and you smiled fondly as San pouted beside you, watching someone take the last slice of chocolate cake on one the large tables. You took his hand, walking a few steps and ushering to another table across the courtyard,”That’s okay! I know another table with dessert. Maybe there’s—“

“San?”

The two of you paused, catching sight of a man only a few feet away, whose eyes were wide behind the pair of bronze rimmed spectacles. His shaggy, black tresses curled beautifully over his eyes, a mole prominent underneath one of his orbs. His mouth was ajar as he stared at the two of you, your interlocked hands, and then specifically onto you. You quirked a brow, noting how his eyes lingered a second too long onto your chest, making you shift uncomfortably beside San.

With long and quick strides, San was ripped from your embrace and into the other male’s chest as he crushed him into a hug.

San gazed at you pleadingly, seemingly uncomfortable with the sudden gesture of affection from the stranger, his arms glued to his sides, unsure whether or not he should return the hug,”Where have you been? I haven’t seen you since May! How can you just disappear into thin air without telling any of us?”

Your eyes widened at the information, and suddenly, the strange stares you two have gotten from your peers here made sense now. Ever since you walked into campus with San by your side, you’ve received curious and confused glances. And here you thought people were only shocked at how handsome the male that accompanied you was.

San could only stare in shock at the other male, his eyes searching an. searching for any flicker of familiarity, only for his shoulders to sag down as he found not a spark whatsoever,”You know me?” his voice was small and almost breathless.

The other male’s longing gaze morphed into a confused expression whilst he peels away from your friend, head tilting and brows furrowing in thought,”What do you mean? It’s me! Wooyoung. We’re childhood friends. You were a professor here. We worked on a project together before you ran away.”

You didn’t know whether to intervene or not, not knowing if it was your place to even speak on behalf of San. He peeked at you in question, and you nodded albeit your shocked state, understanding his silent question,”I’m sorry. I don’t recall any of that information. I’ve been living with (y/n) here. It seems as though I’ve lost all of my memories prior to meeting her.”

The black haired male’s eyes flickered between the two of you, and he points an accusing finger at San, a boisterous laugh falling from his plump lips, “Nice one. Don't tell me you ran away to be with your secret girlfriend, Sannie. Was the project too much pressure on you? You could’ve told me you know?”

When San’s confused expression didn’t change, Wooyoung’s bright expression faltered, smile falling into a concerned frown.

“Is it true? He doesn’t remember me?”

Your head perked up at the sudden attention that was now on you, a look of pity falling onto your features as you nodded silently,”Yes. I met San in Hwaseong months ago. I transferred and moved here recently. We’ve been searching for months about his identity. Was he not reported missing?”

Wooyoung blinked at your sudden question, shaking his head and emitting a sigh, gazing at his friend as he spoke,”No, he didn’t exactly go missing. He left a note and ran away, saying he didn’t want to be apart of the project we worked on any longer,” he grasped San’s limp hands, tugging him forward and cocking his head in another direction,”Come with me. I’ll prove it to you! Maybe your pictures will help spark some memory, yeah?”

The campus was fairly large, and walking in heels did not aid you in the slightest. Wooyoung looked back over his shoulder and smiled sheepishly, almost apologetically,”I still haven’t organized the office, so excuse the mess you’re about to see. My assistant was supposed to meet me last week to help tidy up, but..”

He flicked on the lights, and he ushered you to one of the three desks in the room. He grabbed onto a small picture frame, handing it to San to observe,”Do you know who this person is?” Wooyoung asked softly.

You peered over San’s shoulder, gaze catching sight of the three people in the picture. It was San, Wooyoung, and a shaggy haired, blonde man whose hair was tied into a small ponytail. Your eyes widened in recognition. These were Dr. Jung and Dr. Kang, the two professors from that one interview you watched that night.

San wordlessly peered at the picture, minute after minute, and he finally sighed moments later, placing the picture frame down while shaking his head in defeat,”No. He’s not familiar either.”

You rested a hand onto San’s shoulder sympathetically, whispering reassuring words underneath your breath. He turned his head to offer you a melancholic, but grateful, smile. Wooyoung cleared his throat, brows knitting in thought,”That’s Yeosang. Our partner,” he placed pointed to another frame, one showcasing the three men swimming at the beach,”We met him four years ago, San.”

An awkward silence fell upon the three of you, and moments later, San walked around the office, fingertips brushing against multiple papers with his name and handwriting scribbled onto them,”Choi San? That’s my full name?” he said almost breathlessly,”This is all my work?”

“The one and only, Choi San,” Wooyoung nodded grimly, arms crossing over his chest as he proceeded to sit down, running a hand through his dark locks,”Wait ‘til Yeosang hears about all of this,” he moaned into his hand, before peeking up and pursing his lips in thought,”You should come back to our apartment. Your stuff is still there. It’ll be a start at getting your old life back together again?”

Your brows knitted, shoulders tense in defense, and you opened your mouth to quip back an answer, only for San to beat you to it,”I’m already staying with..” he hung his head, troubled thoughts weighing him down before he glanced at you almost apologetically,”I mean, our plan was for me to move out, after I figure something out right? It was never supposed to be long-term.”

“You can have time to think about it and work things out,” Wooyoung piped in, gaze softening at the sight of your crestfallen expression.

You attempted to contain your tears, your eyes now glassy and red. You offered a shaky smile, hand squeezing San’s reassuringly,”I don’t mind if you stay with me, San. I love having you around,” you saw Wooyoung’s head perk up in amusement,”But that doesn’t mean I’ll hold you back from returning to your home.”

San couldn’t return the smile, his lips sloped in contemplation and confliction. He shook his head to rid himself of haunting thoughts. Moments of silence later, he sighed, looking back up to meet the hopeful gaze of his forgotten friend,”I’ll have my stuff ready after tomorrow.”

Your heart felt heavy in your chest as Wooyoung and San continued to speak, both exchanging information and addresses.

—

The news hurt you as much as it relieved you. San, Choi San, is back where he belongs, with people he knew and grew up with. And on top of that he was a Physics professor, too?

You were happy and beyond proud of his endurance, and also proud that you had helped him this far, however, a small part of yourself, a selfish part of yourself, clawed and lashed out at the thought of losing him, even as a roommate.

Your heart ached, and a dangerous sense of bitterness bled throughout your system.

"I’m so happy for you, San,” you offered a small smile, and although the sight of him left an ache in your heart, your truly attempted to mask the pain that was settling in your veins, leaving an unpleasant taste in your mouth. “I’ll miss you. I’ll miss scolding you about tidying up your plushies, your pancakes in the morning– I.. our movies night, too. But it’s okay.. I’ll visit you, and you’ll visit me? Right? Even if we won’t live together anymore we can-“

Throughout the months he’s lived with you, you’ve failed to realize how well he’s learned to pick up on your demeanor and attitude. He reads you as easily as his favorite Harry Potter books.

“(Y/n). Stop.”

The sudden, sharp tone caused you to clamp your mouth shut.

He reached down to grip the mug of tea out of your trembling hands, his gaze then trailing up to brush against your cheek, frowning at the sight of your quivering bottom lip and misty eyes. Your teeth bit at the inside of your cheek harshly, determined to keep yourself contained.

Usually, at such proximity, you’ll turn into a fidgety, blushing mess, but the way he’s gazing tenderly down at you from your spot on the couch, you felt your heart splinter and crack in sadness. You tried your best to look at the brighter side of things, because you knew how selfish it was of you for wanting him to stay with you.

He wasn’t a stray animal that needed to be loved and protected.

He was a man with a life behind him, and denying him that would be the cruelest thing you can ever do to someone, especially one that had no idea of his past.

You were suddenly aware of his warm chest against your face, his hand carefully cradling your head ever so gently. His shirt darkened with wet patches of your tears, and it was the sight of them that made you realize you were crying. He held you as your walls broke down, brick by brick. Your small, shaky voice, muffled by his chest, still managed to shoot a wave of pain through his heart,”I don’t want you to leave me, San.”

“(Y/n),” he started, “I will never leave you. Just let me build my life back together, and after that, everything will turn back to normal.”

He caressed your messy hair, pressing faint kisses onto the crown of your head.

“We’ll get an even better apartment after you graduate and a cat named Byeol. Our balcony will be filled with all shades of cosmos, and I promise we’ll have enough space to build blanket forts for our movie nights. This is merely the beginning of it all, okay? Please don’t cry, or you’ll make me cry,” his voice was soft but reassuring, trembling in the end.

It’s funny, because here you always thought at the moment like this, when you finally found the answers San’s been looking for, that you will be the one comforting him, and not the other way around.

You swallowed the lump in your throat, words unable to leave your mouth as you pulled him in tighter, face buried against the freckled side of his neck as you nodded in silent agreement.

He held you close and tightly like this for the last two nights you had together, and every touch of his felt right against your frame.

So right, just like the last remaining puzzle piece left to finish a picture.

He held you in his arms the last night on the balcony facing the city, and he smiled at the sight of the twinkling diamonds in the night sky. He squeezes you tightly, breath against the crown of your head as he promises to always be with you as long as there are stars in the sky.

“Let’s find a reason to smile, yeah?”

—

Days passed without a word from San, and you grew increasingly upset. You struggled so hard to hold onto the promise he left you with, but with every missed call or ignored text, it became even harder than you had originally thought. You tried to make use of days of winter holiday by tidying up your apartment, a bitter frown etching your features when you pull something out from underneath the couch cushions or in a tight corner that belonged to San.

The day before Christmas, he finally called you, apologizing profusely and informing you that he was so busy with both Wooyoung and Yeosang, both of whom were credited for proving their claims of an alternate dimension existing beyond your world. San rambled over the phone about the project they wanted him to help with, and you weren’t sure if that was a good idea at the moment. You wanted him to prioritize healing first, but you didn’t want to crush his happiness, and you opted not mentioning it at all.

He asked if you can make it for the Christmas dinner the next day, and you were quick to agree.

You were huddled over the living room table, struggling to wrap a few gifts for him. After a few failed attempts, you made decent progress.

The next day, you scrambled to get ready, throwing on one of the glittery sweater dresses he had bought you and boots. After making yourself look presentable, you grabbed the gifts, locking your apartment and ushering for a taxi soon later.

The trip to Wooyoung and San’s apartment wasn’t too long. He lived a few blocks away from your home. With excited and shaky fingers, you rapped the door almost too quickly, bouncing on your feet almost nervously. Before you could process anything, your hands flew to wrap around the person behind the door, gifts long forgotten on the floor,”San! I missed you!”

When an unfamiliar tuft of blonde hair invaded your vision, you tilted your head up to meet the flushed gaze of the man you recognized from the picture in Wooyoung’s office. His spectacles dangled crookedly off his nose, eyes wide and blinking.

You scrambled back and profusely spat out apology after apology, the male only stuttering out a shy ‘It’s fine. San’s friend?’, causing you to nod in embarrassment. The blonde offered you a polite smile, hand extended politely in which you grasped after a moment of hesitation,”I’m Yeosang. I’d like to personally thank you for taking care of my friend for all these months. If there is any way Wooyoung and I can repay you, please don’t hesitate to let either of us know.”

You beamed at him, shaking your head gratefully, informing him there was no need for compensation. A familiar head of ebony and green peeked out from the noisy kitchen, and suddenly you were lifted in the air, crushed between a firm chest and strong arms. San’s familiar laugh filled the air as he swayed you from side to side, before dragging you towards the kitchen where Wooyoung was currently waging a war with the sizzling pan of oil and a batch of seasoned and breaded chicken. The black haired male shot you a wink in the midst of flipping a piece of chicken, only to squawk in protest as Yeosang came forth to steal a piece from the paper towel lined tray.

“You’re just saying that to impress, (y/n).”

“Watch yourself, Kang- before you end up getting fried next.”

The two bickered amongst themselves as you helped San with the drinks and other dishes he prepared with Wooyoung.

After eating, you exchanged gifts, and sat around for Wooyoung to tell the adventurous stories he shared with San as a kid. Throughout the whole ordeal, San’s eyes widened in surprise, orbs flickering from Wooyoung to Yeosang, a finger pointed to himself questioningly,”Did I really do that?”

You hadn’t realized how much you really missed San’s laughter. Studying the spacious living room, your eyes caught sight of a familiar patch of fur, chuckling to yourself at the sight of Shiber decorating the rocking chair as a cushion.

Another thing you noticed was that Yeosang’s smile didn’t quite reach his eyes as he laughed along with the other two males. You brushed it off as a sign of reservedness. Not everyone was as boisterous as San and Wooyoung.

“No, that didn’t happen over summer break it happened during spring!” Wooyoung affirmed, jabbing his finger against Yeosang’s chest, who huffed in retaliation.

“You’re the one forgetting the whole story! Maybe I should tell it instead,” the blonde quipped smartly.

San could only emit a laugh as the two attempted to wrestle each other down instead, his gaze flickering over to you from across the room. You beamed back at him, nose scrunching up in delight at the sight of his smile.

His grin swiftly vanished, morphing into somewhat of a grimace, before his jaw slackened, the colors and shapes in the room distorting into large, blurred pixels while the lights of the apartment flickered rapidly.

“Let’s build a treehouse. It’ll be our secret hideout where we make missions and lock away the bad guys,” a young, voice bounced around the vast, empty white space. SAN’s eyes widened in confusion, eyes flickering left and right, before turning his frame around to catch sight of a very young Wooyoung, brows furrowed in determination whilst clutching a hammer,”Are you just gonna sit there and stare at me! Come on!” The boy ran off and vanished into thin air, San’s fingers reaching towards the boy in a desperate attempt to stop him.

Desperate fingernails dug into the flesh of his back, leaving behind pink lines in their wake. Low, guttural moans slipped past his lips at the sight of you writhing beneath him, your face flushed and contorted into one of bliss, your lips shaping his name with every movement of his frame. The sensation of having your muscles flutter and clench around him nearly drove him to the edge.

Why did you do it?

Pleasure was soon vanished as he found himself laying down in a dark room, two hands gripping the girth of his neck and squeezing with malicious intent, choked gasps emitting from his mouth, and a trail of saliva pooling down from the corner of his lips onto the concrete. The only light in the dark room, coming from behind him reflected the round, golden spectacles resting on the person’s face.

Why are you killing me?

The pressure on his neck vanished, and an ominous silence surrounded him in the dark room. He was acutely aware of something warm, red, and sticky gurgling out of his throat, coating his lips and spilling down his chin. His eyes caught sight of the gleaming edge of a knife as it was bought down repeatedly, slicing through his flesh as easily as softened butter. Pain did not blossom in the areas of impact. His half-lidded eyes gazed up, confusion pooling in them as tear drops fell onto his face from above, faint, broken laughter sounding out from his assailant.

“Why are you killing me!?”

His hand shot out to swipe at the hands on his shoulders, his eyes screwed shut tightly, wheezing for much needed air. Suddenly, he looked up to meet your stunned expression, hands recoiling from his touch,”San!? What’s wrong?”

Three pairs of eyes were trained on him, and all he could do was stare back at your panicked ones, silent tears streaming down his face as he attempted to pull your hands to his frame, softly apologizing for striking you,”I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to-“

“Who’s killing you, San? What are you talking about?” you ignored his words, your brows knitting in worry as Yeosang exchanged a hard look with Wooyoung from behind you.

San’s lips parted momentarily, as if he was deep in thought. As quickly as they opened, he sealed them once more, his brows furrowing in disarray,”I.. I don’t know? No one? I don’t know what I’m saying?”

You pulled him into a tight hug, tears threatening to spill from your eyes as hesitant arms wrapped around your frame. You were suddenly taken back to that night at the barbecue restaurant. That look of terror on San was one you wished to never witness again, and for months you forgot about it. Something was definitely wrong.

“Did you remember something?” you tried, hands cupping his face, your thumbs working on wiping his tears away.

Frustration colored his features as he gently pried your hands off of his face, before burying his head into the palms of his hands,”No? I’m not sure? I can’t recall anything-“

“Has he had episodes like that before?”

You turned to meet the concerned gazes of his friends. Nodding sorrowfully, you sat besides San, arms pulling into your embrace,”This is the second time. Do you know what’s happening?”

Wooyoung shook his head grimly, walking over to brush San’s hair out from his eyes,”No idea. He.. has episodes like that in his sleep, I’ve noticed. And when I wake him up to calm him down, he immediately forgets what made him yell like that.”

“San, maybe we should go see a—“

“No,” came a swift quip from Yeosang. Stunned, you peered back at him in confusion, mouth hanging open at the iciness lingering in his tone,”I know a friend who can help. Wooyoung and I have already discussed this. He’ll be seeing Dr. Song in a few days.”

You could only nod reluctantly at the answer, your concerned gaze falling onto San as Wooyoung helped him up to get a glass of water.

The night passed much too quickly for your liking, and you found yourself standing at the doorway of Wooyoung and San’s apartment, coat in tow, eyes shining with unshed tears as you forced a wobbly smile onto your features,”Will you be alright?”

San’s eyes softened at the sight, dainty fingers reaching to brush the tears away before they stained your cheeks,”Yes, I will. I promise. I’m sorry for what happened today,” he smiled apologetically, “Hopefully, next time it won’t happen, and I’ll even show you my baby pictures and photo albums from when I was a kid. Would you like that?.”

You nodded, despite the heavy lump in your throat, squeezing him one last time. A certain blonde cleared his throat behind San, and the two of you pulled apart to gaze at Yeosang, who was currently tossing his car keys repeatedly in the air,”Need a ride, (y/n)?”

You said your goodbyes, bidding San a farewell with a quick kiss onto his cheek, arms squeezing him tightly.

Yeosang’s car smelt of new leather and cologne. The ride was comfortable, despite him being a mere acquaintance to you,”So, (y/n).. are you and San, y’know?” It took a few seconds for you to process his words, your brows furrowed in defense as he scrambled to deny his claim, but he hadn’t missed the way your voice raised an octave. He hummed, lips pursing in contemplation, one hand resting on the steering wheel whilst the other fiddles against his mouth, clearly deep in thought,”Oh, that’s a relief. Wooyoung didn’t know how to tell you this, but before San’s disappearance, he was seeing someone. She’s.. currently out of town, visiting family for the holiday.”

In middle school, during a soccer match, one of the opponents kicked the ball, accidentally striking your gut. The information that slipped past Yeosang’s lips left the same breathless, painful feeling in your chest.

Suddenly, the sound of your heartbeat in your ears became much louder than the muffled noises of the car’s engine and tires. A breathless ‘Oh’ slipped past your parted lips, voice wavering and hard.

Yeosang casted you a look of sympathy, his hands tightening around the steering wheel, silently sucking against his teeth before breaking out into a sigh,”I’m sorry, (y/n). I thought it would be best to let you know now.”

—

San did not keep his promise. Your texts were always met with apologies and excuses, even after the new semester began. He couldn’t meet in person, and every time you paid a visit to Wooyoung’s office, you were either met with him or Yeosang, explaining that San was too busy catching up on the large project he missed out on for several months.

A month had passed and the messages became even more scarce.

You attempted to visit him at his apartment on the weekends, or whenever you didn’t have as much studies to catch up on, only for a tired Wooyoung to open the door, explaining that San wasn’t home, and probably either at the university library or the office. Today was no different as a sleepy eyed, disheveled Wooyoung leaned against the door, dressed in a loose, sleeveless top and sweats. If you weren’t so annoyed, you’d compliment how cute he looks, a striking difference from the usual ironed dress shirts and slacks he normally adorned at campus.

He invited you in, offering to make a mug of coffee while you waited in the living room. San wasn’t here, and either due to pity or friendliness, Wooyoung offered to listen to you rant about your mutual friend. He set two steaming mugs of coffee down onto the tiny table, a packet of cigarettes and a lighter following suit. Lighting a stick, he bought it up to his lips, inhaling the smoke, before tilting his head back and slowly puffing out.

You didn’t take him to be a smoker. When he offered you one, you politely denied, hands tucking the mug of coffee closer to your frame, the warmth of the ceramic providing you some level of comfort,”San’s been busy, y’know? You should cut him some slack.”

He took a small sip of his coffee, before dragging another puff of smoke. Your eyes narrowed slightly at the subtle hints of accusation tinting his words,”I was never one to deny that, Wooyoung,” you spoke back, voice firm, “I know he is, but it wouldn’t kill him to acknowledge me every now and then. I haven’t seen since Christmas.”  A sudden veil of aloofness washed over Wooyoung’s features as he crossed a leg over the other, eyes half lidded whilst gazing unamused at you. You were taken aback with the sudden change of atmosphere, your brows furrowing as his shoulders shook with bitter laughter,”(Y/n), don’t you see why he’s been avoiding you?” he tsked, tapping away at his cigarette and watching as the ashes crumbled into the ashtray,”How would he flat out tell you he’s making amends to repair his relationship with the woman that loves him? He couldn’t bear to weigh that news onto you. Not after everything you’ve done for him. His conscious is eating away at his very being.”

Your eyes narrowed in suspicion,”Why is it that you seem to think I’m trying to get in the way of his relationship? The one he’s never mentioned in the first place, might I add. All I’m asking is for time with my friend. You’re the one who seems to get it twisted.”

He chuckled, leaning forward on one knee, pointing the lit end of the cigar in your direction,”Are you calling me a liar?” his hand cradled your knee, frame leaning closer to you as he tilts his head to the left to blow out the smoke, eyes never leaving your own,”Y’know, I won’t mind if you came here to visit me. I’ll make all the time in the world for you, sweetheart.”

Scoffing, you set the mug of coffee down, so harshly, the liquid swishes around the rim,”You sound so-“

Before you could make your way up from the couch, he called your name, frame turning around to showcase the screen of his phone, which read a familiar name.

Kim Hongjoong.

Your eyes bore into his own amused ones,”My internship mentor? What are you insinuating?” you spat, arms crossing over your chest defensively.

He tutted, putting out his cigarette in your abandoned mug of coffee before standing up to hover over your frame, his fingers propping your chin up to gaze into your orbs. You felt his breath against your face as he whispered, words venomous and laced with poison, but tone soft and gentle,”You seem to forget I am a professor, don’t you? I have connections. I asked you nicely to stop disrupting my and San’s work. He doesn’t need any more distractions than he already has. I will take it upon myself to not only have your internship revoked, but also expelled from the university, hm?”

Swatting his hand away, you shoved him back with a glower,”What the hell is wrong with you?” he caught his balance, a laugh of amusement ringing from his chest at your abrasiveness. You did not find this situation amusing in the slightest,”You’re sick.”

“Don’t test me, (Y/n),” he curled a finger around your locks, lips quirking up into a fond smile,”Be a good girl, mind your business, and maybe I’ll consider taking you out. You can forget San. He’s already taken.”

You purposely slammed the door shut on your way out, eyes burning with rage.

Later that day, you found yourself mulling over Wooyoung’s words, hands gripping the grocery cart, knuckles white and crescents left on your skin. Bringing up a fist, you harshly rubbed at your misty eyes with the sleeve of your coat. You ignored the squabbling of an elderly woman as you accidentally bumped into her while walking out with your grocery bags.

Walking down the street not too far from your apartment, a pang or hurt shot through you as your eyes made contact with Jongho, San’s previous employer, who was standing on a ladder, watering the flower baskets hung in front of his shop. He gave you a sympathetic smile as you passed by, pinning a flower behind your ear and reaching up to pinch your cheek,”My flowers need more sunshine, so is it okay if they see your smile?”

You two spoke for over fifteen minutes, only for him to flash you an apologetic smile as a few customers walked in the store,”You can stop by anytime if you’re ever feeling lonely. Yunho and I would love the company.”

Continuing your path towards home, your eyes caught a flash of movement in an alleyway, further up by the parked cars in front of your apartment complex. The people walking by hadn’t seemed to notice the movement, some busy on their phones, whilst others laughing along with their partners.

Maybe I’m seeing things from all the crying and tears.

You checked your phone for any notifications, only for disappointment to wash over your features at the lack of any. That same morning, in a fit of rage and overwhelming emotions, you bombarded San with text after text of how disappointed you felt, at how you didn’t care if he was with someone else, and how you just wanted to have your friend back, and how much a prick you think Wooyoung is.

You always imagined how it would be like to help San find his way back into his old life again, but this was far from how you pictured it to be in your mind.

You hastily changed into a pair of sweats and t-shirt after putting away all of the groceries, the tv playing in the background to fill the deafening silence that became apparent ever since San left.

While adding a new load of laundry into the machine, the lights in your apartment flickered rapidly, your ministrations ceasing as you looked up in confusion. It wasn’t raining. The bulb above you shattered, and you jumped in fright, hands frantically brushing the glass out of your hair.

A loud knock on your door startled you, and your eyes widened in hope, hands faltering and laundry suddenly forgotten.

San?

Your first mistake was assuming the person was San.

Your second mistake was not checking through the peephole.

Your third mistake was leaving your phone in your room.

The door merely opened a few inches, when suddenly the  flimsy security chain broke upon the sudden thrust from the other side of the door. The doorknob dug into the adjacent wall, leaving an ugly dent in its place whilst three figures clad in black shoved their way into your home.

The tallest amongst the three, a redhead, shut the door hastily, while one man with striking black eyes and dark hair walked past you, his other friend striking you down and pinning onto the floor face first. You struggled in his tight grip, heart thumping with adrenaline and shock,”Get off me!”

Throwing your head back, you heard a thump and a faint hiss, your assailant’s grip loosening only slightly, but enough for you to roll around to face him. One hand was gripping his jaw whilst the other held you by the neck against the floor, his eyes burning with fury and malice. The scowl on his features soon withered away into a look of surprise, and your expression seemed to mirror his own. The pressure on your neck was lifted, and the tallest of the three, the redhead, paused, eyes wide once taking note of your face,”Is that (y/n)?”

His voice was deep and unfamiliar.

“Professor Hongjoong!?” you cried in disbelief as you recognized the man above you, anger evident in your voice as you shoved his chest with your palms,”Who do you think you are barging into my home like this, you asshole!?”

The redhead helped your professor up, looking back at you with a blank expression as he leaned down to whisper in Hongjoong’s ear,”Do you really think she’s working with him?”

“I can hear you,” you quipped, stepping forward and jabbing a finger in the redhead’s chest, your head tilting up to glower menacingly at him, lips pulled back into a scornful scowl,”And how do you know my name! And you–“ you grabbed a fistful of Hongjoong’s cloak, pulling him down to your eye level,”Explain all of this before I call the cops for trespassing my home. I don’t give a shit if you’re my employer.” The redhead startled at your sudden act of aggression, eyes wide and mouth agape. 

“Hongjoong! He’s not here!” a voice called from behind you. Your head turned to see the black haired male walk out from the hallway, stress painting his features. He froze mid-step, eyes widening as he gazed at you from his step, before turning to Hongjoong questioningly.

You didn’t know these two, so why were they so shocked at your mere presence?

“(Y/n), where is San?” Hongjoong gently pried your hands off his shirt, the black haired male eyeing the wrinkles they left behind. Your brow twitched in annoyance.

“Really?” you mused,”You came barging into my apartment, unannounced, just for San? Why don’t you ask Wooyoung?” you seethed in annoyance, stepping behind a few steps to make space between yourself and the men.

Hongjoong peered behind you towards the man, distraught eyes holding a battle of conflict,”Seonghwa, are you sure you felt his aura here?”

“This is the only place, Hongjoong,” Seonghwa’s voice was firm, his eyes narrowing and hardening afterwards,”She’s lying.”

You gaped, turning back to your mentor,”What reason would I have to lie!? He doesn’t even live here anymore.”

“He moved?”

“Yes. With Wooyoung. You know that already. You’re friends with him,” he quirked a brow at your sassy reply.

“Not with that Wooyoung,” ducking his head, he removed the black fedora and pressed his lips into a thin line, eyes flickering back up at you, studying your features meticulously,”Are you working with Wooyoung?”

“What!? I’m your inter- what is this all about?” furrowing your brows, you crossed your arms, patience flying out the door faster than you can blink,”Why would I work for that prick?”

“I like Earth’s (y/n),” the redhead snickered behind Hongjoong, earning him a sharp glare from Seonghwa.

Your eyes suddenly widened in thought.

“(Y/n), why does this map say Earth? It should be Utopia.”

Your mouth parted open, voice hesitant and drawing out the words unsurely and slowly,”Are you from Utopia?”

The three men gaped at you, all falling silent.

“I told you she’s working with him,” declared Seonghwa, reaching down into his cloak for what you can only perceive to be a weapon.

Hongjoong was quick to throw an arm out, halting the older’s actions. Your frame went rigged, shoulders tensing in defense and breath becoming shallow. Hongjoong studied you warily, choosing his words carefully, his ashy brown hair falling into his line of sight as he spoke,”How do you know that?”

“San had once mentioned it to me.. months ago,” you pondered quietly, mostly to yourself, as if trying to wrack your brain for other pieces of information. Your eyes narrowed and zeroed in one the three men, in particular Seonghwa, whose shoulders deflated in relief at your words,”Do you know why he lost his memories? He’s been having these episodes- and he yells, but-”

Hongjoong’s expression turned grim, your words resonating a bitter feeling in the pit of his stomach,”It’s a long story. We don’t have much time, so-“

“I’ll help you in any way I can if you would just explain all of this to me,” you breathed out, stepping closer to him with a frown on your visage.

Seonghwa sighed, mumbling something into Hongjoong’s ear, before crossing his arms and leaning against the wooden door, brows knitted and eyelids fluttered shut.

Hongjoong sat you down, contemplating on how to start off. Testing the waters carefully, he began to explain how every human on Earth has a counterpart in another dimension named Utopia.

“So, there’s another Hongjoong- Earth’s Hongjoong, and he’s my employer and not you?”

Hongjoong’s replica only nodded before continuing, blithering like the rushing waters of a river.

A year ago, a human named Choi San managed to enter Utopia, and was thrilled to find his counterpart. He explained how he worked for years studying about dimensions, findings manuscripts and notes, eventually creating a device that allowed the two worlds to intertwine. He, along with his friend, Jung Wooyoung, convinced the Utopian San to enter Earth for a few test runs.

Human San’s intentions were good-hearted, but greed blinded Wooyoung. He wanted to take advantage of the beings in Utopia. He wanted power and profit, wanting all the credit all to himself. San disagreed with Wooyoung’s wishes, and tension grew between the two. While running a few scans on Utopian San, Wooyoung managed to corner and kill San. Utopian San was the only witness present.

Wooyoung’s plan was to remove San out of the picture, and threaten Utopian San with destroying their world unless he agreed to work with him and do as he says. Forging numerous letters under his human half’s name, Utopian San attempted numerous times to escape, not exactly knowing how to use the device created by his late counterpart.

“Wooyoung managed to trap him in your world, running experiments on him that most likely led to his memories being wiped clean,” Hongjoong leaned back on the couch, eyes stone cold,”You mentioned something about him having.. what? Breakdowns? Can you explain what you meant?”

His gaze hardened as you explained what occoured with your friend, Mingi’s helpless expression making you frown with pity.

“I can’t say for sure, but what I think is happening is that he’s getting flashes of both his memories, as well as Earth’s San’s memories,” Seonghwa concluded, voice wary,”I’m surprised he hasn’t gotten mad at this point. His aura is getting weaker by being in another dimension.”

“Is it treatable?” Mingi’s concerned voice spoke before you managed to form any words.

Seonghwa’s lips pressed into a thin line,”Most likely, in Utopia, it is. If he stays in Earth any longer, than I highly doubt it. He’ll lose his damn mind.. and death seems inevitable too.”

Your hands trembled at the words, eyes frantic and in search of answers as you looked back at Hongjoong.

They’ll have to take San away from you.

San will die if he remains with you.

”We attempted to save San, but with Wooyoung’s newest aid– Yeosang, I believe– they improved their systems, and things became complicated for us back in Utopia. The portal leading back to our world glitched, and it seems somehow it opened up to where you were at the time..”

“Your Utopian half and San are together, so I’m not surprised the portal led him to you. Fate works in strange ways,” Seonghwa mused, deep in thought from across the room. You swore your heart skipped a beat at the words.

This is the first time in months they’ve been successful in opening a portal to Earth, and they’re not sure why.  

“It seems that Wooyoung managed to find a way to conceal San’s aura in his home and workplace. We need your help to find him and take him back to our world, along with that damn device. Have you seen it? An hourglass?” when you shook your head, Hongjoong sighed in frustration, hand running through his hair,”Okay. It’s most likely in his study. I’m positive that’s also where he’s keeping San. Is there anyway you can help us get into it? We have no idea how to track it without sensing San’s aura.”

—

Wooyoung was surprised to find you standing in front of his office, bowing your head apologetically for your behavior yesterday, and asking if it was okay for you to tag along with him throughout his day, curious to see his work.

“Hongjoong said there wasn’t much to be done today, so he gave me a break.”

He agreed, but only after you promised you wouldn’t touch anything.

You permitted the arm that slithered around your waist to rest comfortable against your hip as he led you throughout the large campus, his eyes occasionally following the curve of your clavicles and swell of your chest, and back to your eyes as you replied back to one of his comments. Entering the code to his laboratory, you were quick to notice the lack of cameras in any of the corners of the room. There were files stacked neatly onto a few desks, folder strewn about, and other large machines and desktops decorated the back of the room.

You listened to him gloat, his hands tugging you to showcase the numerous certificates and achievements under his belt. Resentment and anger bubbled dangerously in the pit of your stomach, your fingers twitching at the thought of wiping that smirk off his visage.

The fluorescent lights flickered once.

Your smile was strained, nodding and tuning out his words, only for you to jump back, startled, as his face was mere centimeters from your own, breath ghosting your lips,”Did you not hear me, precious?” Emitting a nervous laugh, you reached up to push his face away playfully, his hand grasping your wrist and placing a tender kiss onto your skin,”I asked if you’d like to join me for dinner tonight?”

“Dinner? Well, I-“

“I think she’d rather go with me,” a voice piped from behind you two.

Furrowing your brows, your mind reeled at the familiar voice. You gaped at the sight of a mirror image of Wooyoung, clad in black, resting comfortably in one of the swiveling chairs across the room.

When did he get in?

A curse fell from Wooyoung’s lips as he dropped your hand immediately, reaching forward into the nearest desk to pull out a pistol.

Your breath was strangled in your throat as you took several seconds to process what was happening, your feet taking hesitant steps back to avoid the end of the gleaming, black weapon. A rough tug onto your sleeve, and you found your back pressed against Wooyoung’s chest, the cold metal of his weapon resting against your temple,”Go back to your world-“

“Or else what? You gonna kill her like you killed San?” the other Wooyoung cackled, propping his two legs onto the desk, black leather boots kicking at a few documents. He gazed in amusement at your trembling legs,”Nice to meet you, Earth (y/n). Sorry my human half is a dick. I wouldn’t dare treat a lady like-“

“I didn’t kill San!” You jumped at the ferocity in Wooyoung’s voice, your form tensing against his frame as he breathed heavily against the back of your head,”He’s alive. San is alive- you don’t know what you’re talking about.” This tone- desperate, broken, and determined sent chills down your spine.

“Where is he then?”

You recoiled back, face scrunching and arms flying up to shield your face as the sound of a gunshot left a loud ringing in your right ear. Your wobbly knees struggled to keep your weight up, hesitantly peeling your eyes open and expecting the sight of blood. A bullet hole punctured the chair Utopian Wooyoung once occupied.

“Wooyoung, would you stop running your mouth for once!?”

A blur of black shoved your assailant away, hands hastily disarming the manic eyed professor. You stepped back in surprise, nearly falling down upon impact, Wooyoung’s frame colliding near your feet,”Sorry-“ the curly haired brunette snickered underneath his breath, flashing you a smile and wink. Gaping, you realized that man was Yunho’s counterpart. You were suddenly pulled back by Hongjoong, his eyes cold and void of any sympathy as he stared down at the struggling male.

Mingi had him pinned to the floor, the man fruitlessly attempting to free himself underneath the crushing weight of the red-head.

“(Y/n)! Help me!” Wooyoung growled, cheek painfully pressed onto the floor, eyes trained onto the black weapon which rested innocently feet away,”What are you standing around for!?”

“You should leave, (y/n). Seonghwa found the device in one the rooms here. All that’s left is to find San—,”

Once Wooyoung realizes what’s occurring, his movements cease. His jaw slackens and then he glowers in your direction,”You bitch!” the broken sound of betrayal almost leaves you feeling pity towards Wooyoung,”You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into! There’s no way you’re getting–“

His taunts only increased the pressure of Mingi’s fist in his hair, the smaller male letting out a rough grunt of pain as his face is slammed down roughly onto the floor, pearls of red dripping down his nose. Hongjoong’s orbs flickered between you and Wooyoung,”(Y/n), things are going to get ugly. If we have to use force, so be it. I don’t want you here witnessing that. You’ve been more than enough to help us.”

Your gaze softened, the prickling feeling of tears welling up in your eyes evident from their glassy appearance. Shaking your head, you took in a shaky breath,”No. I need to find San. I’m not leaving without him.”

Wooyoung’s counterpart eyed you curiously, his foot stepping onto his human half’s ankle,”Seems like you put a strain on my friends and their human halves too? I’m so embarrassed to have you as my half, fuck,” he chuckled humorlessly whilst grinding his boot against the male’s ankle, the other still squirming underneath Mingi’s weight, cries of pain only amusing the Utopian Wooyoung even more,”Oh, sorry. Didn’t see your leg there. Does that hurt?”

Hongjoong was quick to turn you around, tugging you and scoffing underneath his breath,”Alright, fine. You’ll see him, when we find him, but please, don’t make it hard on yourself when it’s time for us to depart. Do not get in the way, is that understood?”

Tears streamed down your face as you nodded reluctantly, your attempts to contain your emotions failing after facing the harsh reality of your predicament. While Mingi, Wooyoung, and Yunho began tormenting the pinned male, Hongjoong and Seonghwa accompanied you in searching every curve and crevice of the building to no avail. You winced as Seonghwa’s fist left a dent in the wall out of frustration, and you found yourselves back in the lab, where the leather clad Wooyoung was resting onto his human half’s chest, legs propped on either side. A sadistic grin took over his features as he watched the blood dribble down the male’s lips,”I can do this all day, Wooyoungie.” He paused mid-punch, sharp eyes flickering in your direction. When he noted the absence of his best friend, he proceeded to land several more strikes onto the fallen man’s face,”You fucker.”

Yunho and Mingi’s hopeful expressions deflated as they noticed you returned empty handed,”We can’t find him.”

“Where is he!?” Hongjoong demanded, crouching down to meet Wooyoung’s eyes.

“You’re not..” He spluttered, droplets of blood striking Hongjoong’s angered face,”You can’t take him away from me.”

The sound of the door opening ceased every breath and movement in the lab, and your panicked filled eyes flew to Hongjoong as Yeosang stepped into the room, ironed lab coat and glasses pristine underneath the lights.

A second ticked by, silence enveloping the room as Yeosang froze to assess the situation.

Seonghwa was quick on his feet to tackle him against the wall, knife digging painfully into the curve of his neck,”Ah, about time the other rat appeared. What do you think we should do with this one, Hongjoong?”

Yeosang’s eyes were confused as they landed on you, his hands raised up in defeat, adam’s apple bobbing against the edge of the dagger, which rested painfully close to his jugular,”Wait!” he cried, voice emitting in rapid, panic pants,”I removed the barriers that stopped you from entering our world! I only plan to help you, I promise. I can take you to San!”

Wooyoung weakly lifted his head up to spit in Yeosang’s direction, glassy, panicked eyes narrowing, his voice cracking with betrayal and distraught,”Have you lost your mind? You wouldn’t, Yeosang. Don’t you dare— you know San belongs here-“

Yeosang inhaled sharply as Seonghwa roughly shoved him away after Hongjoong’s request, shoulders deflating as he gazed at his bloodied friend,”I’m sorry. I don’t really have much of a choice now. I’ve already decided where my morals lie.”

You were expecting Wooyoung to shout in anger, to scream, to yell. What you weren’t expecting him to do was sob, voice so helpless and broken, sending a cold chill down to the marrow of your bones,”I regret it! Is that what you want to hear? I regret killing him and– the other San! He’s supposed to take his place- I want him back,” his cries sent a shiver down your spine, his words slurring together as he cries out in grief, panicked breaths cutting his sentences,”I want him—  I want San back! I- I need him back!”

“Take us to him,” Hongjoong’s hard gaze fell onto Yeosang, completely ignoring the crying male. The blonde professor nodded, ushering him out of the room.

You were the first to catch sight of him, rushing forward and crying his name out in relief. He appeared to be drugged, wires and other devices sticking into various parts of his body. You hadn’t realized you were crying, until Yeosang gently pushed you back into Hongjoong’s arms as he removed the various wires and needles attached to the tired man.

You pulled San into a hug immediately, a sob wracking your form as you apologized for not being there for him when he needed you most. You concluded that after Christmas, Wooyoung took over San’s phone while trapping the male here, hence his emaciated and pale appearance.

His eyes met yours, an apologetic smile finding its way onto his features,”(Y/n),” tears welled in his tired eyes, his voice quiet and weak,”You’re here?”

You nodded, repeatedly mumbling in agreement through your tears, pulling him even tighter and shaking your head, claiming that this was all your fault. Hongjoong watched the exchange with a strained expression, before turning to Seonghwa,”Get the others. It’s time to leave.”

Your eyes widened, frame turning to gape at Hongjoong, and then back to San, your throat closing up. He only offered you a faint smile, hand reaching up to cup your cheek,”Wooyoung told me everything while he kept me here,” his thumb worked at wiping away the few tears that  cascaded down your cheeks,”There was no way to reach out to you, I’m so sorry,” his words were slurred, tongue heavy and mind slightly foggy,”None of this is your fault. I tried.. I tried to get to you. Believe me, I did..”

“It’s not your fault either. San- I.. They’re taking you back to Utopia, San,” your voice cracked, strained and tight in your throat,”They said you need to go back or else-“ you failed to finish your words, jaw slackening as you let out a pained sob at the thought.

His shoulders deflated, head hung low as he buried his face into the crook of your neck,”I’m sorry I dragged you into all of this,” he held you tighter as you sniffled, whimpers muffled against the side of his head. He held your trembling hands,”I will never find it in me to forgive myself for putting you through all of this.”

His warmth suddenly left you as he was helped up by Yunho and Mingi. Snapping your head to your right, you noticed a swirling light against the wall of the room, where the counterparts of Wooyoung and Hongjoong spoke with Yeosang, the blonde only nodding reassuringly in reply. Their attention snapped to you as you let out a desperate cry, fingers reaching to grasp San’s hand in protest, attempting to pull him towards you. You weren’t aware of your shrill, panicked laced voice, mind too focused on returning San into your embrace.

The sounds of muffled shouting from the taller two didn’t deter you from wrapping your arms around San’s shoulders, defeat and sadness painting his features as he took in your form. Arms tugged you away, planting you firmly in place, and you writhed and struggled in Yeosang’s hold as you watched with frenzied eyes as Wooyoung leaned forward, his form dissipating into the portal, followed by Seonghwa. Hongjoong turned to give you one last glance, frown on his face,”I’m sorry, (y/n).”

He held onto San, who not once took his teary eyes off of you. Mingi and Yunho disappeared, and with one last attempt, you kicked back at Yeosang, the blonde yelping in surprise at the sudden rush of pain on his shin, flailing forward and catching you by the ankle roughly, preventing you from moving forward,”Stop, (y/n)!”

The last thing you saw as the diameter of the portal shrunk was San’s heartbroken expression, along with the hourglass in Hongjoong’s arms. The portal vanished, leaving tiny specks of light in the air, a gentle breeze kissing your wet face.

“Yeosang,” you mumbled, turning back to the blonde,”take me there. What do I do? I need-“

“He took the device with him, (y/n). There’s no way any of us can reach their world anymore,” he ran a hand through his hair, voice steady and firm.

You don’t know how long you sat there, crying and yelling profanities at him. The rush of footsteps throughout the building ceased your sobs, and you watched from the doorway as officers forcefully dragged an injured Wooyoung out of the other room, his panicked eyes filled with disbelief boring holes into Yeosang, who already had his arms up in submission,”Yeosang? You reported..” The blonde was restrained and taken away as well.

“Miss?” an opened palm invaded your blurry vision, and you peered up to meet the concerned, brown eyes of an officer, uniform hugging his large frame,”Are you okay?”

Silent tears pooled and streamed down your cheeks, your head shaking weakly.

No, Seonghwa. I’m not okay

.

—

Your half lidded eyes bore holes into the tv as the news anchor spoke, showcasing two mugshots of both Yeosang and Wooyoung. Your eyes flickered down to your lap, unable to even look at Wooyoung’s face.

“A new update regarding the disappearance and death of Choi San, the physics professor of University of Seoul. After almost a year after leaving a note and disappearing, police have confirmed that the letter was forged.“

Kang Yeosang, an assistant professor who joined Jung after Choi’s disappearance complied with police, informing them every detail regarding the case, and providing written evidence and memoirs from both the late Choi and Jung. It’s been reported that Choi was the first to discover Utopia, working years on building the device that managed to connect with the alternate dimension, creating portals that challenge both time and space. It is said that every human on Earth has a counterpart in the other dimension.

In hopes of taking all the credit, Jung murdered Choi, disposing of his body, which has yet to be recovered. Officials say they are still attempting to interrogate the information out of Jung, who is expressing clear signs of distress and manic episodes at the mere mention of Choi’s name.

This counterpart was staying with a woman we will go by A. Choi and A met up in another town, shortly before both moving to Seoul, where they encountered Jung at the University of Seoul. Reports state that Choi moved out from A’s apartment and back with Jung. After numerous reports, officials have declared A to not be involved in Jung and Kang’s crimes, Kang testifying in her defense.

Choi’s Utopian counterpart was forced into our dimension, his memories from his Utopian life disappearing after Choi’s death. A statement from Kang concludes that Jung was the cause of that.

In an attempt to undo the murder of Choi, Jung attempted to implant memories into Utopian Choi in hopes that he will take his human’s place, which only aided in creating discord between our world and Utopia. When the Utopians attempted to re-enter our dimension, Kang implemented new sets of devices that aided in sealing the two worlds apart from each other. It was only recently that Kang eliminated these tools, thus permitting the Utopians from intervening.

The Utopians did not intend to harm or hurt anyone. Their only intention was to rescue their friend, and also take the device the late Choi created to cease their world from being further tampered by us.

Jung and Kang have both been stripped of their titles according to the university. Their first court date will be announced later today to determine their senten—“

You closed your eyes, hand hastily clicking the power button on the remote, before wrapping yourself with the blanket tightly. Curling into a ball and throwing the the fuzzy sheet over your head, you decided you were tired of hearing the news reports, opting for the deafening silence you grew to hate. Fluttering your eyes shut, you stilled, inhaling San’s scent that was left lingering on the blanket. The amethyst necklace tickled your cheek, your hand reaching up to move it away.

A sweet, floral scent filled the space of your living room, a beautifully arranged bouquet resting on the coffee table. The card still stood in the middle of the arrangement, words of encouragement and support written by both Jongho and Yunho in bright green ink. Underneath it, your untouched dinner sat cold and forgotten, clumps of wet tissue paper scattered onto the table and floor.

Your phone chimed, and you peered down, already knowing it was Professor Hongjoong sending another voice message of support. He’d been a strong pillar for you to lean on ever since the news broke out. You made a silent note to respond later, as the time was growing late anyway.

Minutes ticked by and soft snores, along with shallow breathing filled the vacant space, your hair sticking out from the heap you’ve made of yourself and the blanket.

Above you, the lightbulb flickered repeatedly.

[justrandomselfships]

"Regrets"- a short story with Heather and Orochi (hurt/comfort)

"You seem a bit down, is something the matter?"

"Orochi... Do you regret having Mitama?" Heather asked as her friend looked up at her "Not really" she paused "How about you? Do you regret having Dwyer and Kana?" considering that Heather was the one to start the topic Orochi already knew what the answer was, but it was important for her friend to say it out loud.

"I do" she shamefully admitted. Although her friend didn't plan on judging her.

"Of course I still love them but... I don't think that I'm a good mother" her voice started shaking "While Kana still has some hope of restoring his childhood... I'm afraid it's way too late for Dwyer" she sighed "Then again, I suppose our entire family didn't have it too great. I was kidnapped and lived a fake life, locked away from the world and not knowing literally anything about it, Jakob was given away and forced to work as a butler... and now our kids were forced to be so... Alone. Just because we were too selfish to wait" as she slowly teared up she followed up her statement "We're horrible parents, aren't we? Instead of breaking the cycle we only made things worse" as she started crying Orochi placed her hands on Heather's shoulders "Heather, you've talked to them about it already didn't you?"

"Yes... They didn't seem to complain but what if they're lying just so I won't blame myself?" she looked at Orochi "You saw Kana, he keeps saying that he wants to be useful just so I won't abandon him again. And while Dwyer doesn't show any odd behavior he really often snaps at Jakob. I think he might be blaming everything on his father even though it was my idea to send them to that dammed realm to begin with"

"You just protected them" Orochi tried to think of a way to calm Heather down "Look at it this way: even though you lost a lot of time with them despite your visits now it's best time to make up for all of it" her spirit and wide smile made it hard to not feel better "I suppose you're right... But I don't think that I'll stop feeling this way..."

"You don't have to feel good about it, you just need to accept what's done can't be undone. If not for yourself, do it for them" and yet again she's right. With an awkward chuckle Heather said "I just wish I could handle it like you. You're always so strong Orochi"

"Aww, thanks. You know, that three is really lucky to have you. Even if you may not feel the same" she remembered a few interactions she had herself with Jakob "Your husband is a stubborn one, but he was always so open about his feelings for you to others. I even heard Hana complain that he called her 'Sakura's fool' and when she called him 'Heather's fool' he completely adored the idea and that was before you even got married" both of the women laughed as they imagined Jakob's proud expression "Your kids are great too. Mitama actually often talks about Dwyer if you can believe it. He always helps her find some good napping spots but also he often mumbles about his plans to surprise you with his skills which interrupts her sleep from time to time... So that's actually why she talks about him. As to him snapping at Jakob I think it's just a teenager thing and you're not easy to be mad at compared to your husband" she paused "No offense" she added "None taken" Heather responded.

"And Kana, is the just sweetest child. He helps around everyone just to make you proud. It still doesn't stop at that and I often see him playing so I'm pretty sure he's got the spirit. So you really don't have anything to worry about. If anything I think that talking to them in more detail might help you a lot there" she started playing with her hair, twirling it around her finger "But it's best if you start with Jakob, the sooner you do the less dramatic he will be about you secretly beating yourself over it"

After some time to think Heather nodded "I'll try to bring it up, even though it's going to be hard..."

"You can do it, I believe in you" and with that words of encouragement Heather left to have a talk with her husband...

[muffindaddystyles]

HIP DISLOCATION AT FIRST SIGHT.

Summary: where you're a waitress at Harry's favourite friends-hangout spot, he secretly likes you and you're having a rough day.

Warning: angst and fluff.

You're a beaming sparrow rolling onto balls of your feet from one booth to another taking orders and being sure of customer's satisfaction at it's peak. Sure, managing a five to nine waitress job isn't anyone's dream but paying tuition fees and bills can make anyone work.

Harry loves to be at this resturant you work; perhaps there's something 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 he loves rather than goofing around with his friends at late hours in any of the booths in far corner.

When he first came here it was for a date who stood him up and you wouldn't lie that you kinda tiny bit of manifested for it but went through a broken heart seeing Harry's sad eyes after him lingering to that one hope that his date would show up.

He was relieved that you helped him at that time with you again and again popping your head just to ask him, if he needs any refills for which he would just kindly quip 'thanks love, bu' it's already tipplin' out from rim.' Or you askin' him if he'll like to fill his belly with some appetizers? Poor him didn't ate anythin' from menu just waiting for his date that day.

From that you got to know he's such a gentleman who got his heart stepped on.

He found you enticing. So, fuckin' beaming even with all of the customers tantrums. Them fussing around for the mess their kids created and Harry couldn't take his eyes away from the slight curve your body molded into when you walked away from him.

With his few more visits you got accustomed that what he likes and the one favourite dish of yours from the resturant you recommended him one time, he licked the plate clean giggling coyly at your reaction.

But today it's different. He's chatting around with his friends, they look super chill, comfy clothes, relaxed postures and a train of light conversation that never seems to end.

You were admiring them from your spot waiting for the tray of food for the table 201 ready to take Harry's and his friend's order after that, suddenly a whine escaping from your lips and you bended your calve to soothe out the drastic pain in your hip-bone.

Zoe one of the hostess gave you a sympathetic smile handing you the tray, "hurtin' like a bitch." You hissed to her toes curling. You've been having this pain for like a week but whatever exercises you're doing it wouldn't budge to ease out.

Maintaining a decent gait you headed towards the last table of your shift before closing, smiling at all of them sweetly, whatever you did not to lock your gaze with Harry it anyhow happened by Cupid's wishes.

"Hi everyone, I'm your waitress and will be takin' your orders." You chirped taking out the sequin notepad from the front pocket of your lace apron and Harry's friends couldn't help but to notice how the tips of his ears turned red, eyes glassy with adoring sheen and lips quirking up shyly.

You noted down everyone's littlest of details turning your head down towards Harry, your voice immediately cooing into a soft one softer than you usually use to be polite with costumers.

"And Harry you'll have your usual?" He cleared his throat coughing into his elbow and everyone stifled a fond laugh just for his sake, "yes, please." His please was so gentle that it melted you over the pastel mauve tiles almost making you forget your pain.

The moment you spinned with your back behind them Harry's loving female friend pinched his cheek, "looks like someone gotta girl crush."

Everyone was chatting but Harry's mind and heart was all for you, it didn't slip out from his sheer notice that you're having it rough today; ponytail loose, cheeks flushed not with the warmth you feel from Harry's presence but with the pain zapping in your leg like an electric shock.

His eyes stayed glued to the way your nails coated into hot red nail polish aren't drumming against the counter as they usually do when you wait for the order instead they're clutching around the edges tightly paling your knuckles and now Harry feels concerned.

Another contraction but you didn't startled yourself. No way you're gonna get made fun of yourself infront of Harry, it would be so embarrassing.

Harry peers up at you with a frown when you heads to their table for refills but you didn't meet his eyes. What his friends will say? That you're a cheap waitress drooling for a bambi eyed, hickorey curls, sunny guy.

But damn when your hands wavered while lifting the jug to pour a glass of water, and you sucked your bottom lip to swallow your agonising gasp Harry wanted to lurch from his seat and ask you what's happening because it's frustrating at this point looking you being so wrecked.

You weakly smiled at all of them. Harry wants to stop you by grabbing your hand but he wants to respect you and doesn't want him to cross his boundaries.

You're back with a tray loaded of food and you're putting plates onto the table when an unbearable contraction of pain twitched inside you badly and you cried out a scream of horror, the tray slipping from your hand to the far corner of the table. The pain's so much your breath has got stuck in your chest causing you too see white.

"Y/n!" Harry panics hot on his feet scooping your side in his arms when you lurch forward unconsciously, even the tears aren't falling from your eyes stayin' at the bayline and you cry out in spurts of breaths dropping Harry's heart to his arse when he got the indication you couldn't breath.

"C-can't...b-" Harry immediately rubbed your back in soothing circles whispering with his honey rasp, "breath fo' me yeah, darlin'?". "S'alright. Jus' breath alon' me." You nod and everyone watches you in shock pity. At Harry's countdown you exhaled and inhaled breaths, his friends are in awe a love-at-first-sight, baby-steps love story is unraveling infront of them.

Harry makes you sit at his seat and you giggle shamefully breathily eyes glossy, "Thank you Harry. Can you..can you call zoe for me? She's right behind the counter." The words burning inside your throat and you're expecting another zap.

Harry's a bit hurt. He doesn't even know why! He wants be the one to take care of you but why you aren't gettin' it, why!?

You want to apologise to his friends but all the words just vanishes when zoe comes padding hurriedly Harry behind her with ever sad eyes, "bubs what happened?"

You're about to speak but another contradiction like someone's pulling at your vein and you're a goner but Harry's by your side holding your hand ignoring the twitch from your hardcore grip as if you'll fracture his hand too, "ah fuck! I think so I broke my hip. I'm fuckin' sure, it feels like dying." You scream jerking your leg and even though Harry's friends shouldn't look at you two with so much awement at the moment but they're still doing so because fuck they all are planning the same sight of both of you at the time of your labour because it may seems like you're popping out Harry's child outta your vagina at the moment.

"M'takin' ye' to hospital." Harry says with stern firmness in his voice because fuck boundaries he can't see you in such pain, "s'okay zoe can you take me to hospital?" You hissed writhing but Harry cuts you off. he's loosing his shit, "I don't care, can't see ya like this lemme help ye'."

Next thing Harry's helping your limpy body outside into the backseat of his car and the whole ride he's beside you one of his friend driving the car, you were a blushing mess at some second but another arching your spine so hard and Harry's instantly wrapping you up in his arms whispering sweet nothings through your tears.

You've gone through a little surgery and it's hour after you're shifted into a room that Harry takes a sigh of relief, you groan fluttering your eyes open the very first sight of yours is Harry into his yellow jumper and plaid trouser looking a tad exhausted.

You're on anesthetic and you're sloppy.

"Hi love feelin' kay? You went through a tiny surgery." He informs you but you pouts in response ignoring everything coming straight to the point, sober you would have never got guts.

"A-are ye' me boyfrien'..?" Your words are bit lisped and poppish, Harry chuckles swiping his thumb at your forehead.

"No' yet. Will be if ye' wan' me to." You bobbed your head like a good little girl observing your odd surroundings and fat tears sticks to your cheeks.

"What happened buns? Should I call doctor? Y'hurtin somewhere?" But you denied lower lip swelling for no reason or maybe medication.

"I've so mu-sh uni work to do, an' I've nothin' to wear on our date." Harry giggles wiping away your tears kissing the apples of your cheeks, stroking your head and you mewled like a kitten making Harry's throat go dry.

"No worries bunny. We'll go on a date whenever you'll want to." He just wants to shower you in his undeniable affectionate kisses but he's holding back, "fo' now go to rest. I'll have m'sober bunny peeking from the meadow in mornin' yeh?"

"Promise me you wouldn't leave?" You asks with doe eyes and he just wants to smash his lips to yours. Fuck. He waited so long.

"Did I, before'?" He asks you kissing your forehead gently trying not to irritate the plaster of your hip. You shook your head tucking your chin inside the comforter, "then I wouldn't even now."

In the morning you find your fingers buried into soft mess of curls and he was already up before you could try to even move your finger, "Harry?" Your voice hoarse from the drowsiness and he cups your cheeks asking if you're feeling dehydrated but you chuckled shaking your head.

"I feel high." He tucks his bottom lip inside his mouth at the fact you look more ethereal from this close, "high from anesthesia." He quips.

"Do you remember anythin' from last night?" He's anxious now how he'll bring to actually ask you out, "I do, from me litreally shouting like a lady bout to give birth to crying for not havin' any dress for our date." He's amused not just at the fact your memory didn't slipped but that you're more chatty and bubbly outta your waitress persona.

"Then it's solid?" He asks timidly and you nod humming coarsely leaning to peck his lips but he grabs you by neck not letting you pull back, thumbs all stroking, mouth moanin' for you and eyes closed into bliss.

"Wanted to kiss ye' so bad from so long." He deepens the kiss not caring if any doctor comes marching right now.

"Now I'm all yours to kiss. Kiss me whenever you want to."

[mythicamagic]

#44 please

44: a kiss on the navel.

---

"Cannonball!"

Leaping into open air and wrapping both arms around tucked up knees, Kagome plummeted straight into deep water. Sinking like a stone for a moment, she then straightened out and kicked towards glittering sunlight above. Surfacing, she took in a few breaths, turning to grin in Sesshoumaru's direction.

Who seemed newly soaked, bangs plastered against his cheeks.

"O-oh, did I get you?" she blinked.

"Hn," he lifted wet hair away from flat eyes.

"Well we're already in a pool, suck it up," Kagome giggled, sticking out her tongue to provoke him. It had the desired effect. Sesshoumaru began swimming through the water.

"What did you just say to me?" he rumbled.

Shrieking with glee, she paddled to the far side of the pool. Luckily the waterfall was secluded in Inuyasha Forest and far from any footpaths. They typically used it to bathe but today an air of playfulness had entered Kagome, so she'd invited him there instead of their usual cave. Clad in nothing but her birthday suit, she dove underwater to try and evade him, kicking her legs madly.

Sinful hands glided under her ribs, sharp nails pricking skin- and Kagome started, pausing mid-stroke. Silver stands wafted around her like celestial reeds beneath the water. The demon swam close underneath her, managing to do so backwards.

The spirited feeling in her heart seemed to have transferred to him, as golden eyes smiled with playfulness.

Sometimes he's an enigma, but others...he's just like anyone else.

Kagome cupped his cheek and smiled, brushing noses with him, before having to pull away and surface, lungs burning. As she coughed and sputtered, droplets rolling down her face and drenched hair curling around her, Sesshoumaru joined her. Unlike the wheezing miko, he appeared unruffled.

"A human's lung capacity is pitiful," he snorted.

"Not all of us can have secretly huge lungs due to our true forms being a giant inu youkai," Kagome snarked. Drawing closer, she inwardly preened as his hands found her waist again.

It was like a gravitational pull. She'd find herself unable to resist, revelling in the warmth radiating from striped, bare skin. He was both sleek yet built, cruel yet kind, and attentive but guarded. Claws skimmed her waist, falling lower to brush her hips and then proceeded to cup a handful of her ass. His handsome face lowered to hers, lips inches away.

"Kagome!"

Jolting and causing the water to thrash, she levelled a wide-eyed look over at the far trees. The call had been hard to hear due to the proximity of the falls, but that voice was mistakable. She hadn't taken into account a Demon Slayer's tracking skills.

"T-that was Sango's voice."

Sesshoumaru looked annoyed, drifting backwards slightly. "Get rid of her," he muttered, before smoothly slipping beneath the deep blue waters and disappearing.

Kagome tried to make herself look busy by ringing out her hair and not looking too guilty of anything when Sango finally stepped out from some bushes. Her son was tied to her back, gurgling.

"Ah hello, Kagome. I thought I'd find you at the hot springs instead of here?"

She smiled and waved a hand dismissively. "Felt like a dip in something colder. What's up?"

"I was just wondering if you wanted to join Miroku and I when we leave to visit Kohaku tomorrow. I've been so busy with the children and you've been- distracted elsewhere, quite often it seems," her brows drew together worriedly. "So we haven't had a chance to talk. I hope that things with Inuyasha aren't what's causing you to leave the village so much."

I've been that obvious?

"N-no! Nothing's wrong, you don't need to be concerned. I'm just getting back into nature," she forced a smile. "Since I'm staying here in the Fuedal Era, I need to know everything about herbs. Long treks in the forest are just what's needed."

Sango looked unconvinced. "If you say so..."

Blue eyes strayed down to the open waters beneath her feet, hoping Sesshoumaru was alright. "A-anyway, about visiting Kohaku..." it was hard to scramble for an excuse.

"I think you should come," Sango said firmly. Kagome fell silent, watching the demon slayer with mild surprise. "Even if you say nothings wrong, I can tell something is going on with you. A break from routine would do you some good."

"I-it would?" her attention stayed to air bubbles starting to surface near her left side.

When her friend gave a stubborn nod, Kagome's face fell into a beleaguered expression. "Kaede might need me to stay-"

"Kaede has Rin to help her, and pretty much the rest of the village at her beck and call."

Caught, Kagome glanced at building air bubbles, shifting to try and cover them. "Okay, okay!" she burst, nodding enthusiastically. "I'll do it."

Relief and joy brightened Sango's eyes. "Wonderful! You should walk back with me to pack any supplies you might need."

"Ah...I'll finish up here first. Go ahead without me, I'll catch up!"

This seemed to satisfy her friend enough to turn and leave. The second she was gone Kagome whirled around and started frantically whispering; "Sesshoumaru! You can come back up!"

Not seeing any pale, naked Daiyoukais swim up, worry started to churn within her gut like a tempest. Maybe he was all talk and actually did need air just as often as a human? In which case, he was likely struggling!

"That stubborn jerk," she muttered, about to dive headfirst into the wide pool- until a familiar sensation of a mouth caressed the chilled flesh of her navel. Lurching 3 feet into the air, Kagome shrieked.

Sesshoumaru surfaced, shamefully forced to suck in a few breaths. He arched a brow, "you took some time."

She calmed, placing a hand over her racing heart. "Are you alright? I'm sorry, I couldn't wrap up the conversation naturally enough to make her leave earlier."

He hummed calmly, drifting closer. "No matter. We have all the time in the world now..." greedy hands reached for her again. Kagome forced herself to pull back, despairing at the confusion that flashed momentarily on his face.

"Actually, to get her to leave quicker I had to agree to something. I'll be visiting Kohaku with her," she sighed. "It takes four days to travel there, so I guess...I might be gone a little while."

Comforting warm fires were snuffed out within his eyes. Sesshoumaru wiped his face of all expression. "I see," he said in a clipped tone.

Kagome's shoulders fell as she trod water, feeling like the mood had been well and truly killed. She didn't want to be clingy and didn't expect anything of him, so she forced herself not to ask if he wanted her to say. Kagome was no doormat, she could refuse to go along with what Sango suggested. And yet...a part of her felt interested to know what his reaction would be. Would he become frustrated from the lack of sex and seek out someone else? Somehow, she found herself doubting that possibility, despite her history of insecurity. Why remained to be seen.

Drawing away and swimming towards the rocks where she'd stashed her supplies, Kagome mused that she could visit Totosai while travelling. These thoughts were cut off as an arm snaked around her waist and pulled her back against a strong chest. Freezing, her attention slid over one shoulder, wondering at his tight grip and thin, displeased lips.

"...You will become frustrated if you go too long without sufficient pleasure. I will tend to you before you leave."

Kagome searched his face, relief touching her features as she slid both arms around his neck, bringing their chests flush against one another.

"I-I guess it'll stave off the loneliness too."

It won't stop me from missing you, wanting you, she thought, a little alarmed by her impending sense of dread. What the heck have you done to me, Sesshoumaru?

[scriptaed]

the redmail | 01

♡ genre: angst/fluff; college!au; e2l!au;

♡ pairing: reader x yoongi;

♡ length: 2.4k; 

♡ synopsis: stoic, indifferent, and aloof, you’ve always wondered what made that oddball yoongi the heartthrob of the school; that is, until one day, when you finally catch him red-handed and the origins of his popularity are unveiled—that bastard’s been writing himself his own love letters! [...] // a drabble of the redmail but written in yoongi’s pov because things aren’t always what they seem. 

♡ commissioned by @shadowsremedy​: thank you so so much for the support! eeespecially for requesting this because it was so much fun to write. i hope you enjoy this c: 

The silence she leaves in her wake is overbearing—but then again, how stupid am I to assume otherwise after having just witnessed the outbreak of a ferocious tempest? I knew it would hurt. I knew she would explode, being the untamed girl I’ve come to know much too well. I knew she would face dejection, even if she vainfully concealed it, because she’s never been completely honest with neither me nor herself; and as certain as I was of her dismay over my threat against her necessary albeit forced confession to Jin, the one and only thing of much more certainty was the hurt I would inevitably face. She might not know it—and I, myself, wouldn’t have believed such an absurd claim just a month ago—but I would rather sit through another dozen of her outfit checks than to be the cause of her pain again. 

And that says a lot.

Tsk. Winter is especially relentless tonight. I’ve never been the type to reel at the bite of cold, but the ghost she left behind has me balled up and shivering. I glance around the stretch of the lengthy street overlooking a river and lit by cold blue post lights, drowning myself in the chirps of crickets only to prim at the absence of any passersby. At least no one had to pay witness to the horrific argument that most would only cringe at while watching all those rom-coms that Y/N had forced me to sit through. Not that I really cared what others thought. Knowing Y/N, however, she would have been whining to me about how others would misconstrue the situation and spread false rumors about our lover’s quarrel… that is, if she were even willing to speak to me again.

How long has it been since she stormed off anyways?

I could only scoff at myself in disbelief when a pathetic epiphany dawns upon me. Here I sit, in the middle of a stranded street after spending my entire Sunday night acting as a pretend boyfriend for a girl whose eyes lied elsewhere—and yet, despite having been scolded by said girl and deservedly so, my body remains affixed to the bench and every and any efforts to budge are in vain. 

Why? 

It’s shamefully dumb for me to admit—and I would never do it aloud, for no one, including myself, should have to endure such torture—but I’m clinging onto our last: the last time I shared a seat with her, the last time she held my hand even if in the name of “practice,” the last fragment in time I could relish and smile stupidly over her but only secretly at my own discretion.  

A small puff of white followed by a larger, heavier cloud fills the air as I release the weight along with the burden that remains in my chest. The winter cold sends chills to my bone and the white lights blind me as I unintentionally challenge it to a staring contest, but they all pale in comparison to the daunting possibility of a tomorrow without the daily bother she had forced me to become accustomed to. 

God, I always appreciated quality time with silence, but it’s too damn quiet around here. Where is her endless blabbering when I need it?

Nonetheless, I stumble onto my feet. It goes without saying: my conviction is undeterred. I don’t regret telling her the truth nor do I regret having blown some steam over her silly, Jin-driven fanatic antics that I had allowed for far too long. I had to tell her. It was for the better. She had to get over it, and when she finally does get over it… would she finally recognize her true value? Could she finally appreciate a man who could treat her right? 

...and in her own treacherous words that reverberates through the silent night and wreaks chaos in what was once my perfectly tranquil state of mind: what would I do if, someday, her heart really found its way to me? 

“Pft, second choice to Jin?” I scoff to myself, shaking my head, burying my hands into my pockets, and kicking the rocks to the curb along with my pathetic skip of a heartbeat, “Don’t ‘kid around with me.” 

♡ ♡ ♡

“Oh, Yoongles!” Jin kicks a leg over the other, quickly catching his toppled laptop and returning it to his lap just as I enter the room, “you going out on evening dates now, too, or wh—” he pauses and grimaces once he notices something, whatever it is, on my face, “—what happened?”

“First, you don’t get to call me ‘Yoongles,’” I deadpan, “and second, we need to talk.” 

“Talk? Us?” Jin articulates but I don’t really need to answer for him to realize the gravity of the situation. Propping a pillow behind him and the wall, Jin finally sits up and chuckles nervously, “what’s with you recently? Given, you’ve always been a moody grandpa, but you seem… particularly bothered nowadays.” 

How was I supposed to bring her up without being bombarded by his inevitably nosy questions? And how do I ask him for a favor without spilling the secret Y/N had entrusted me with? It was a hard task, one that I really would rather not go through the hassle of doing, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight otherwise. 

For her, I had to do it. 

Strolling across the short span of our tiny room, I don’t even realize that I’ve been pacing back and forth between our two beds before finally leaning against my desk. The next thing I know, I’ve been staring at Jin far more intently and probably more intensely than a person asking for a favor should have been.  

Thankfully, Jin being the usual albeit irritatingly perky guy he is, he waves my silence off as just another normal day with me, “you need my assistance? What is it? Dating advice? Haha, I knew it! It’s okay, you don’t have to be shy—”

“—it’s about Y/N.”

I make sure to cut him off before he establishes a steady rhythm. 

“Oh,” a smug grin stains his face and I have to remind myself exactly who I’m doing this for in order to hold the click of my tongue, “so that’s who this is all about. What’s up? Finally taking a liking to girls, eh? Well, I don’t blame you. Y/N’s a good catch—”

“—she’s not some fish you can just ‘catch,’’” the words slip from lips just as my tongue clicks. Clearing my throat, I cross my arms and shuffle in place… hopefully enough of a surrender for the favor I’m about to ask. A momentary pause follows but after peeking at him from the corner of my eyes and finding him indulging in his own incomprehensible mumbles, a scoff escapes along with my own unnecessary worries.

Damn, I’m really starting to sympathize with Y/N because he really is a dense one. 

“...although I do have to say she’s changed a lot. Say,” Jin babbles, finally turning to realize that his words have been going in through one ear and out the other, “did you start liking her before everything or after everything?”

“‘Everything?’” I quirk a brow at his question. 

“You know, like, makeup and clothes,” Jin pauses, “well, I guess you’ve never been too close with her until now, so you might not remember—”

“—I remember,” I say much more adamantly than I intended, having to clear my throat before continuing, “she might not look like it, but she’s the same person as she’s always been.”

“Oh?” Jin purses his lips and nods admittedly. “Well, of course you would know. So, after breaking the hearts of half the girls in school, what is it about her that’s finally enraptured the heartthrob himself?”

Of course the heart-breaker himself would ask that. 

A simple roll of the eyes is enough for him to understand that the last thing I would give him is an answer to his question. 

“Oh! You might be silent but you’re also not denying it! I’ll take it as a victory,” he chimes proudly but I only wrinkle my nose at him in distaste, especially when he bounces forward far too enthusiastically and almost tips his laptop off the bed. “Ooh! Oh my God, does she like you, too?” 

“What?” 

Silence befalls the room for what seems to be an eternity. I don’t even realize the extent of my glare until I notice Jin flinching backwards and bracing himself for the scolding I surely would have given if it weren’t for what I’m about to ask of him. 

What is it with Y/N and Jin today? Proposing the most absurd scenarios that could only exist hypothetically? It’s odd, considering how questions don’t usually agitate me like this, but...

I mean, does she like me? How ironic is it that her crush, himself, questions her feelings for me, someone who is simply her wingman only under the conditions of blackmail? 

And if, supposedly in the rarest of chances, her attention has really averted elsewhere, how pathetic would I be as a mere second choice? 

“No,” I grimace, purposely staring him down to get the point across, “no, she doesn’t like me.”

“Oh,” Jin pouts in sudden dismay, “I’m sorry, man. Do you know who she likes then?” 

“Don’t know, don’t care,” I shrug. I don’t know why but something about this topic has me wanting to walk out of this room this very second; and before I know it, my discontent had somehow manifested in what I had always thought to be incomprehensible mumbles, “but if she really did like someone, they’d probably be almost as dumb as her decisions.”

“‘Dumb?’” Jin almost shrills. “You’ve never called anyone dumb before except for me—”

—shit. 

What did I even say? How did he hear me? Never mind that, had I given away too much? Surely not, right? Jin, the most dense of all guys, wouldn’t be able to decipher the message from something as simple as that, right? 

“No,” I quickly blurt, recomposing myself by shuffling in place and putting on a blank canvas that would be my best joker face, “you’re not the only one. I mean, Y/N’s dumb, too.”

“Well, if you know so adamantly for a fact that she doesn’t like you, then you do know that she likes someone…” Jin mumbles to himself. “That would mean you’ve been lying to me thus far… which means…”

Should I stop him now? Should I throw him off track or would that only raise more suspicion? Worse yet, what is this dreadful pain that’s hammering against my chest? It’s almost as if I’m helplessly staring at an impending doom that would soon take my life by storm… because, even if I had threatened Y/N with her secret, what on earth would I do if I really were to have confessed for her? 

“...does Y/N like me?” 

Betraying her is the last thing I wanted. 

“Jin,” I say through gritted teeth because nothing could alleviate the tension brought upon by the drop in my stomach, “I know you have a big ego, but that’s a stretch for even a dumbass like you—”

“—no, no,” Jin purses and my heart almost stops when his eyes flicker from the ceiling and back on me, “you usually don’t care enough about my silly remarks. If I really were being stupid, you would have rolled your eyes and walked off mumbling ‘dumbass,’ but seeing that you’re still here…”

Silence ensues—each second dragging on even longer than its precedent. Shit, why does he have to be fucking Sherlock Holmes now out of all times? If I could, I really would like to strangle my roommate right here, right now. 

I gulp, “what?”

“Well,” Jin frowns at the newly reached epiphany, “I have two conclusions. One, Y/N does like me and that would mean I’ve been completely blind to all her obvious hints. In fact, I feel like shit for being so oblivious!” 

“Pft.” 

I probably shouldn’t have scoffed because that only confirms his statement, but how could I hold in the pleasure of finally witnessing the horror that dawns upon his oblivious self?

“Oh my God,” he gasps in horror, eyes darting to find me in distraught with a finger pointing at himself, “did she change how she dresses because of me?” 

“She could care less what you think.”

“So she did change everything for me!” he cups his cheeks in panic. “And to think that I even laughed at her over dressing up for study sessions!” 

As much as I would like to sit back and watch him frantically putting two and two together, the worry that weighs heavily in the forefront of my conscience screams all the more for my attention with each dire second. 

“Jin.”

His panicked eyes dart to me from his waving mess of a paired hands and he answers meekly, “...yes?”

“Don’t you dare tell Y/N you figured it all out,” my mutter comes with a threatening point of the finger, “and if in the case that you and your dumbass big mouth lets it slip, you better fucking be gentle with her or I swear I’ll crack your skull open in your sleep.” 

Jin arches a brow at me, but the surprise is quickly overtaken by the smallest of smiles. At least the slight upturned corner of his lips is able to put me at somewhat of an ease, knowing that Jin would at least try to keep his word. “Of course. I might not like Y/N that way, but she’s still a good friend of mine.”

“And,” I continue, mumbling, “could you possibly take her out for dinner at least once? She’s been dreaming of it since forever... please.”

Nodding his head, he answers, “sure can do.” I can finally sigh a breath of relief. When a quizzical, smug grin replaces that look of ingenuity, however, I find myself staring him down once again. “But you wanna know what my second conclusion is?”

“No,” I click my tongue,” I don’t.” 

This time, I wasn’t lying. Truthfully and wholeheartedly, hearing his second conclusion was the last blow I could handle after the merciless whirlwind that was today… especially considering how his deductive reasoning has been on an eerily spot-on streak tonight. 

“Well, seeing the usually indifferent you trying to do everything you can to stop me from figuring it all out, I’ve arrived at my second conclusion,” the shithead persists while ignoring your death glares, “you, Mr. Min Yoongi, must be head over heels in love.” 

Shit, I can only cross my arms and look at anything but those irritatingly sparkly eyes of his, because—out of all the most oblivious men in the world—that dumbass has caught me red-handed. 

[tarithenurse]

Stolen - 10

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson &/x fem!gifted!reader Content: Angst. Feels. Plot. Regerts. Fluffy inclinations. Mentions of torture. References to past MCU events. A/N: *radiates love to everyone* *begins singing Tina Turner’s “You’re simply the best”* Ask or reblog if you want a tag.

10. Leave a Scar

…   Reader  …

Two days later and you’re still praying that Loki has no idea what you’ve heard even if the chances seem remote. He’s grown quiet. Brooding. Most of the time he’s off somewhere without you but when he returns he finds a secluded corner and a carafe of wine to wash down his gloominess with.

He’s plotting how to kill me. It makes sense – haven’t you done what he wanted you to? The talk about keeping you safe must have been nothing but a ruse to eventually break your spirit completely before delivering the final blow. On the other hand, it seems like an awful lot of trouble to go to if he was just going to waste the effort by being emo. Plotting to kill someone else? Now, that would make sense considering his track record.

On and on your thoughts run in circles and not even the beautiful view from the balcony can provide enough of a distraction today.

“Tell me, mortal.” His voice startles you, coming from right behind you. “What’s plaguing your mind, hmm?”

There’s nowhere to run to, nowhere to hide from those piercing, green eyes boring into the back of your skull. Pulling at the sleeves of the purple dress (kindly lend to you by the Älfir), you consider how to out-lie a liar.

“What...what is going to happen now?” you manage to ask, forcing your voice past a lump in your throat.

The sigh that fans your shoulder is chilling. “It seems I have to change my plans.”

Unsure of anything, this isn’t what you had expected. Turning towards him, the somberness clings to his face and cuts his already sharp features from ice. Only now do you realize that there had been a spring in his step and a softness to his gaze a short week ago but since then something has extinguished the light.

Your hand twitches as you restrain yourself from reaching out to stroke his cheek. “What’s happened?” Did he see that?

If he did, nothing in his demeanour divulges anything as Loki steps as close as he can without the mossy greens of his clothing brushing against purple. A thousand worlds could come and go that second and you would never have noticed because the Asgardian’s presence is all-encompassing, sucking you into his personal vortex of pride and pain, stubbornness and deference.

“Why would you care what has happened?” His words are cold like blades of ice, but this time you see through it and wait him out. He resigns. “The Älfir’s magic is not strong enough. They cannot restore Jotunheim.” Deflated.

“If they could’ve then they would’ve healed the Priestess too.” Biting your tongue off suddenly feels like a really good idea.

The silence is oppressing, drawing out the seconds as the man looks you over as if you just dropped from the moon. Like he’s seeing me for the first time. The sensation is far from comforting, something that’s enhanced as the thin lips begin to curve into a crooked smile revealing white teeth.

“You did that.” Man, you hate the way he practically purrs.

“Barely.” You step backwards, bumping into a pillar.

Even now, you can’t help but notice how smoothly he moves as he follows in your footsteps. “But you did.”

Somehow managing to sidestep the god, you make it two steps into the shade of the room before his hands have gotten hold and you’re twirled, forced against the cold wall.

“Don’t -”

“Shush.” He places a cold finger on your lips, making you comply automatically. “We all have sacrifices to make.”

A smidgen of logic in the back of your skull is screaming at you to shut up, to let him have this victory while you figure out a way to get out of the situation. Of course you don’t listen to it, deciding instead to pull yourself up to your full height (as unimpressive as it may be compared to Loki) and glare at him. There’s even a moment there where you impress yourself by how calm your voice is when you answer.

“No. I won’t be your puppet anymore.” Black eyebrows shoot upwards at your words. “And if you kill me, at least I know you’ll still be crying every night.”

That’s the instant the sense of heroic pride dies.

The emerald eyes you secretly admire change into a sea of blood while a flood of blue, broken by ridges and lines cover what skin you can see and causes you to gasp, drawing in air so cold you can feel the lungs crackle in complaint. If at least Loki would snarl or growl, then it would somehow make sense, but he just smiles, the white teeth suddenly similar to the fangs of a predator. A wolf...and I’m the lamb.

“Mortal. Pet.” A claw traces along your cheekbone before scraping down your throat. “I thought we were coming to an understanding? You would obey my every wish in return for the life of those you love?” Nodding is the only option. “Tsk tsk. Perhaps I have underestimated you, wench, thinking you had a soul, a heart. Hoping you would recognize real evil when held up against the light of truth.”

Well...I’m already doomed. “You told a story -!”

“A story?!” This time he does snarl. “I’ll show you story!”

The cold of his hands burn the skin on your forehead, wrist, and palm as he slams your hand against his brow and mirrors the movement.

...  Loki   ...

The first glimpses are simple until the events fully unfold. Falling – he will hate the sensation forever. Falling through nothingness for half an eternity until he lands more dead than alive...except this time he’s watching it from the outside. We’re watching it. Though the Jotun can’t see it, he knows that [Y/N] is there with him, a spectator without the option to look away when the actor is found and brought to the Titan.

What were months or maybe years at the mercy of Thanos and his Children flash by in a few minutes, perhaps. Torture, mind games, hatred twisted and turned until it points back to the outcast prince and penetrates his soul, leaving it to fester before he finally succumbs to the touch of a sceptre. From there the events unfold in a blur only occasionally brought into focus when a part of the fallen god tries to rebel against the shackles.

It’s only when the Loki they watch is lying at the feet of the Avengers that clarity is fully restored, though one kind of shackles is replaced by another. Then: a speck of blue grants an opportunity impossible to dismiss.

A vision. A memory. A nightmare.

Loki’s hands fall to his sides. It’s over. The wall in the Älfir temple looks less real than what [Y/N] and the Jotun have just witnessed, but the wide eyes staring up at him brings reality back like a kick in the balls. She knows. Everyone knows when they witness the recollections of someone else – no amount of so called rational thinking can convince them they have hallucinated because they feel it as if they lived it themselves.

“[Y/N]...”

Tears are welling in her eyes, lips quivering as she tries to root herself in the present. “He...y-you...” What I wouldn’t do to take away your pain. “That was -” A sniffle interrupts her.

He hates it. Hates the despair she’s drowning in at his hands. Truly, he has proven to be the monster he claimed not to be. Losing control and forcing [Y/N] through this nightmare serves no purpose at all.

“I will...I will ensure your safety and then you will never hear from me again,” he promises shamefully, “now...get some rest.”

...

Flat on his back and with the hands behind his head, Loki’s gaze is fixed on a point far beyond the ceiling above. Dawn is nearing yet sleep has evaded him, chased away by memories and guilt. It served no purpose. Priding himself of his logic, the turmoil raging inside his heart is has pushed the Jotun to act rashly and he hates it because he wishes to be more than a beast that simply lashes out when cornered. He doesn’t want to be the monster he behaved like. No, the man in him has to find a way to -

“Loki?” The whisper is hesitant, almost too quiet to hear. “Are you...are you awake?”

He sits up, bare feet on the stone floor as if to ground himself. The covers slides from his chest, revealing the pale skin in the darkness but [Y/N] probably can’t see it with her human eyes as she stands in the doorway.

Draped in the soft-flowing silk from a borrowed shift, she could almost pass for one of the ghosts from the fanciful tales children enjoy to fear. Loki can see her better than that. He can see her face straining as she tries to find him in the dark, and her arms wrapped tightly around the ribs below her bosom perhaps to find some comfort.

“Yeah...I’m awake,” the god rasps softly in return. Is that regret or relief in your sigh?

Sitting there, waiting for the unknown, a tension begins to permeate the air and send tendrils to every nerve ending of Loki’s body. A coil tightens in his chest and it becomes nearly unbearable when [Y/N] tentatively walks towards him, her feet careful as they seek out the right path. A few steps before the goal, her hands reach out to locate the Jotun and he has taken them before thinking to stop himself.

Steeling herself with a deep breath, the mortal braves the silence. “This doesn’t mean we’re okay, but...I believe you now.”

“[Y/N] -”

“Shut up.” He does. “I’m trying to say that...that I get it a-and I trust you.”

Loki has no answer. Gaping slightly at her, he tries to come to terms with the woman’s foolishness. Once or twice a sentence nearly forms in his mind only to dissolve before it can be uttered and the task increases in difficulty as she shyly shifts her weight from one leg to the other, toes intertwining as best they can while she bites her lip.

He obviously startles her as he stands. Yet you don’t run, my dear? A shiver rolls through her the moment he embraces the lithe form.

“Oh! Oh, we’re...hugging? Okay, we can hug,” she babbles, unknowingly making the god smile into her hair.

It’s impossible to say how long they stand like this or when [Y/N]’s warm fingertips start a slow dance across his naked back. Then again, time hardly matters as the Jotun pulls back enough to study her face, smelling her hectic breath that fans against his skin.

“Thank you,” he says, but means I think I love you, “you should rest.”

Her hands retreat, and right away Loki misses the scalding touch and the heat of her body as she navigates the darkness to find her own bed.

[likealittleheartbeat]

i wrote this forever ago for another fic, but if katara and aang HAD to break up this is the level of kindness and 4ever friendship that their relationship demands. def cried at points while writing this soooo heads up. A change of air pressure seemed to settle in the room. “Aang, I know you know this isn’t working.” You would think that a sudden decrease of pressure in the atmosphere would lift you up. But it was rather too stark a reminder of the way clouds can suddenly tower over one another like clambering ants over a crumb. Then the winds would push through, followed by rain, and things would be lost that you never expected to lose, probably left somewhere new—the terracotta roof tiles scattered in the yard or a cart forced into the ditch. Once the event passed, even the most optimistic souls had to admit that the transformation smacked of catastrophe. Though both Aang and Katara could feel it all, there wasn’t much they could do with that emptying feeling now except ride it out.

“What do you mean ‘this’?” Aang asked, sitting up from the fur-lined bed. He had always felt uncomfortable sleeping on the skins. It wasn’t a year round practice. In summer, with much of the snow melted, flax woven beds filled with soft meadow grasses could be made, and sometimes even sleeping out with Appa was a possibility. Yet when they visited in the harsh winters, they huddled together on the yak-deer fur. But now Aang broke their huddle, confused? or shocked? or disbelieving? And, secretly, shamefully, hopeful? Everything in him pulled or pushed back: his eyebrows arched, his arms lifted his chest off the bed, even his perpetually forward moving arrow was caught in wrinkles on his forehead.

“I don’t know,” Katara responded, shaking her head in denial of her own intuition, “But doesn’t it seem like…” Her words caught. Aang’s pupils seemed to dilate begging for her to finish. “Don’t make me say it, please.” The tears let go of their grip and started falling in little crooked streams down her cheeks. Aang looked around at the tiny wooden nightstand, the blue bricked walls, the lilting fire, and nothing offered answers or clarity or even a sense that this was real.

“I don’t want to say it,” Aang responded. His lips parted slightly as if to make the attempt. Katara gave him a sad smile. It didn’t take a fortune teller to foresee Aang’s struggle, his disquiet as he approached a chapter’s end. And how much worse for this chapter to be about them: the relationship that had brought him back to this world again and again. He once called it a tether

But she looked at him, at all the peace he promised, at all the wisdom he held, the invisible strings he held in his hands connecting him, not just to her, but really to anyone in need. She could see into the invisible world and notice how his arms resisted the pull of a thousand kites caught in the winds. And Katara knew he would find such joy if he chose a few and followed them to their ends. She imagined his features brightened by happiness as he held someone else’s hand. Trying to resist those calls to keep this up was paining him. 

Here she was at home, the familiar softness beneath her, the same motifs stitched into her clothes as those her mother and father wore. Could they have ever hoped for the vitality that ran through the Southern Water Tribe these days? All the friends and love sparkling in this land that had seemed to be on its last legs until the day they met. She lay her hand on her husband’s. No, simply Aang’s. The baby blue tattoo that he still itched at when he got hot. “I’ll still be here,” she said. “But we just don’t need this, Aang. What are we afraid of? We’ve dealt with the worst of the world. And we’ve had our fun, too. We’ve both already…” She eyed him coyly, letting the implication settle into the pause. “And none of them threatened what we have, did they?” 

She kissed his pensive face lightly—an apology. “I have children and a whole tribe to help raise them and so much more life to live. And you have more adventures you’re meant for, too. Can’t you feel it? You, coming back here so often: it’s tiring for you, I know it. If I thought it were just me exhausted by it—but I know it isn’t.” Her explanation surged encouragingly, only breaking back into sentimental tears at its end. Katara hugged Aang. And Aang hugged her back. She could feel his embarrassed relief. “And you know,” she said into his shoulder, “If it all gets too hard, if you feel overwhelmed, you’ll come back here. You’re not alone.” Aang’s tears were soaking into her shoulder. “And if I ever need you, well, Sokka’s got Hawky.” Laughter broke up their sobs as they pulled apart and wiped at their faces.

“I know,” Aang, cheeks red and cherubic with sincerity, said finally, “I’d be there no matter what. I love you, Katara.” And so their story ended with the same force of affection by which it had always moved.

[seabass-plums]

When we locked eyes

Summary : when Bucky walks into the flower shop owned by the reader , she couldn’t help but feel for him. Her interested are soon loosened up once she figures he’s buying the flowers for a special someone.

Pairing : Bucky Barnes x reader

Theme : fluff

Masterlist

Do not repost my work , reblogs are more than welcome and appreciated.

The beautifully pleasing sound of cling wrap being cut perfectly and swaddled around a bunch of fresh flowers was always therapeutic to you , especially when the bunch consisted of daffodils , iris and asters. The aromatics beautifully mended together and created a pleasant environment to work in whilst also taking in the consideration of the lovely people that care to drop by and pick one each day.

You almost grew a familiarity towards the customers , adapting towards the daily grind of your complicated yet peaceful life. You needed to work hard to earn enough money for our courses , your understanding towards flora came in handy once you decide to leave everything behind and have a fresh new start that mainly considered of leaving behind your toxic family and their mannerisms.

The bells placed above the wooden creak doors chimed , signifying the arrival of your very first customer-a man in his late thirties , dropping by every Thursday afternoons to hop in for a beautiful bouquet of tulips and dandelions , the wide smile that started from his left eye and ended at his other only meant his pure love and affection for his wife , reminding her that thursdays was usually when his day off began , which meant the weekends had arrived.

“Here you go Mr. Peterson , have a lovely day ahead.” You smiled warmly , handing him over the fresh , perfumed flowers along with a gift card dedicated to his lovely wife.

“Mrs. Potters , how lovely it is to meet you.” You greeted one of the regulars , a woman in her sixties , waddling her way into the little parlour with her cane-her purposes of visiting you may ask ? Her angelic granddaughter had passed away a couple months ago , her sole purpose resided in visiting the angel’s grave every thursdays after attending her services at the local church nearby.

“Sweetheart ! It’s lovely meeting you too.” She greeted back , her calloused yet delicate hands smoothened down your hair before giving off a causal pat on the back whilst taking you in her embrace.

“So , what can I interest you in today ? We’ve got asters , roses , tulips , black-eyed daisies and much more.” Your hands moved around , advertising the flowers that laid before her.

“Oh darlin , the same old for me. You know Veronica loved roses and black-eyed daisies.” She reminded you , her eyes crinkling up as she sent off a warm smile your way , her heart filling up with the memories of her precious granddaughter.

“Here you go Mrs. Potters , have a lovely day ahead.”

The bells chimed in once again and there he stood , the incredibly handsome guy who would always turn up at your store. You would’ve been lying if you said you weren’t excited to see him on Thursdays.

“Hey there Barnes , what can I get for you ?” You smiled from ear to ear while secretly eyeing down his attire. The brown , rusty leather jacket clung around his body like a film wrap , his abs quite literally poking out through the stiffness of the fabric.

“Ah , just some daisies and amber lilies.” He fingers fiddled with the pockets in his jeans and he quickly pulled out his wallet , his eyes shying away from your gaze as you chuckled in your thoughts before turning your back against him and grabbed onto the essentials.

Bucky was always the soldier at ease when it came to you , he’d always let his guard down no matter what. In fact , he was madly in love with the floweriest owning the place. He admired her beauty but from afar , he feared over his lack of skills in particularly the romance department , admitting his failure from the beginning.

You weren’t going to lie to yourself , you had fallen deeply for the soldier before you but rested your desires once you figured these flowers were travelling towards someone else present in his life , your heart shattered at the thought of failure but in totality leapt with joy , thinking of the broken Sergeant finally in love.

“Here you go Barnes.” You gave off a tight-lipped smile and handed over the flowers , internally screaming while your fingers brushed against his , Bucky mimicking the same.

It’s now or never Buck , he though to himself.

“So y/n , any plans for tonight ?” He leaned over the counter , admiring the flowers while still keeping his gaze away from you.

You thought about your answer for a second , you didn’t want to come off as a desperate loner. “Just uni work , not really important.” Way to go y/n , you face palmed yourself mentally.

“So you’re basically free ?” He questioned , his steel blue eyes met yours and you could’ve sworn you forgot what it’s like to be lonely.

“Y-Yes.” You stuttered.

You felt your ears begin to burn , your face growing into three shades of a darker red tint with embarrassment.

“Umm so what do you say , Dinner ? Just you and me ?”

Your pupils widened at his enquiry , putting you in an absolute trance. “Just the two of us ?” You questioned once again , your bottom lip tugged in between your teeth and you almost fell flat as his eyes gazed over your movements , stopping right above your lip whilst licking his own in joy.

“Yeah..was that too much to ask for ?” He grinned shamefully and scratched the back of his head , his boyish charm begging him to sprint to the doors and never come back while the soldier instincts forced him to stay.

“No , no ! Not at all..it’s just..” you trailed off , finding it extremely hilarious to reveal your truth. “I thought you were in a relationship..?” You stated in an unsure manner , your brows quirked up for his reply.

Bucky laughed out a loud , “What makes you believe that a broken white boy like me could be in a relationship ?”

You laughed along and pointed out towards the fresh flowers. Your eyes were quick enough to catch his motions , sheer sweat forming across his temples as he revealed the truth to you.

“Oh the flowers....they were honestly an excuse to drop by every Thursday.” He bit his lip lovingly and dropped his gaze once again , quickly self-noting himself to pick up his game the next time he had a chance , which he hoped wasn’t near enough. He wanted to succeed in his mission , you.

“So , about that dinner plan..” you mumbled and chewed on your bottom lip , “I’ll be glad to join you for dinner Sergeant Barnes.”

Bucky’s eyes lit up with pure glee , the soldier within him with finally at ease , resting within it’s depths after completing his mission.

“Call me Bucky.” He chuckled deeply , holding out his hand before you.

You took in the cue and placed your soft palm in his , sucking in your breath as you witness his head drop below and place a tender kiss on the back of your hand. Although it’s been a hundred years , he still had his charms. A gentleman a heart , you thought.

“Can’t wait for tonight doll.” He stared at you for one last time before turning his back to your while beginning to head out the door.

“Bucky !” You called out , his body swiftly turning around to meet your eyes. “Maybe after tonight I might have something to believe in.”

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

Taglist : @a-mess-of-fandoms @amisutcliff

Want to be added to my taglist ? Just inbox me or send me a direct message , comments can be accepted too !

[saikagerights]

Newlyweds- A Saiino Fanfiction

Gee has this idea transformed into its own monster. Last week I had the idea of writing out a few headcanons about Sai that were meant to be separated from the journal, which is also the reason why I haven’t updated.

It is still coming btw, I just wanted it to write this out first. This fic had started out as a few ramblings, so I personally had problems with structure. Luckily, I found my way through and made a cohesive story.

Anyway, I had to restructure this so many times, but I was hoping to use this as a way to cheer up @bauschblog. I hope it doesn’t look rushed.

Hope you enjoy!

*edit. I wrote and posted this days ago, but it never appeared in the tags, so I am posting a second time and deleting the first post. Thank you for your patience

Also available on AO3

If you ever asked Ino if she got what she wanted in life, then you would receive a yes and a no.

She was now as happy as she could be, newly married to who she would’ve called a literal dream years ago. A gorgeous man willing to walk to the ends of the Earth for her.

But that happiness was derived from pain and loss. She would never be able to share that happiness with her father, and she now shared the burdens of her husband, who had lost more than anyone else she knew.

But that didn’t make her love him any less.

Sai was a far cry from the young man she met. Over the years he had learned more and more about the bonds and emotions he had lost, many things she taught him first hand, and she couldn’t be more proud of his progress.

He was once empty, but now it was her job to fill him with as much love and care she could muster. And that’s what she found herself doing, seated beside him and resting her head against his left shoulder as he was immersed in a new sketch. This time it was a pot of primroses he had gathered from the shop below him. She secretly hoped it was a gift for her, as he would occasionally drop his pencil to awkwardly stroke at her head.

Observing his quiet focus made her reflect on her marriage so far. It had only been a month since their wedding, so she had yet to come down completely from cloud nine and she was sure that Sai was feeling something similar. Although it might be starkly different from hers. It didn’t take that long for them to marry either. They still had a lot of time ahead of them, and Ino was delighted to discover more about her enigmatic love.

Part of her joy came from observing common quirks that only a wife could. Like how he was so meticulously organized with his supplies but still fumbled with arrangements in the shop. Or how he’d gently stroke her face when he had to work early, not attentive enough to realize that she was only feigning sleep.

The amount of love she had for her new husband was immeasurable , but with the discovery of these cute habits only came the realization of darker secrets.

Sai was unresponsive at times.

When she would call out to him and would receive nothing but silence in return. It wasn’t as if he was ignoring her, he was simply far into the depths of his own mind.

She then tried to gently repeat her call. And if that didn’t work, her volume would increase, tone sharp and direct. That would usually do the trick and her husband’s head would snap towards her, indicating that she now had his full attention. He’d give a soft hum of inquiry, then his eyes would shamefully cast downward as it dawned upon him that he had done it again.

Ino knew that this was a common occurrence of those in her field of work, especially those who have seen war. There were times when she felt as if father’s guidance was needed more than ever, like on days when the responsibility of leading her clan had weighed most on her. But Sai wasn’t like most shinobi, something that she was reminded of every day. He had made leaps and bounds with his ability to express himself, but there were some things that couldn’t be improved with just awareness and lessons on sociality.

Just like how his fingers would flex and he would grasp at air in moments of silence as if they yearned for something to feel secure. Her left hand would gladly supplement the presence of his brush when he needed it most. In private she would allow him to let his itching fingers run through her long bright blond hair, rubbing the ends of strands between the pads of his thumb and index finger until he was content. His hands would then begin to wander to other parts of her body, desire beginning to cloud his mind and slowly overtake him until he wrapped her up into it.

Ino could hardly articulate how wonderful it felt for him to be able to physically love her. It seemed so long ago when he’d freeze up any time she touched him, but now he was capable of proving to her that his natural instincts were that of any man. She adored nights of tangled limbs and resting on his still heaving chest that took it’s time to settle into a steady rhythm as he drifted into a blissful and dreamless slumber.

Without the exhaustion and comfort that came from sex, Sai was probably the most restless sleeper imaginable. The smallest rustle or bump in the night would force him awake, as if alerted to a nearby enemy. It was a stark contrast from how she slept on missions as a genin, among two of the heaviest sleepers in the entire world. But even then, she felt that neither her or her boys could sleep as soundly as they used to. Unrest and insomnia were another common trait for experienced shinobi, which tended to be spurred on by night terrors.

The first one she experienced with him was shortly after he moved in with her, frightened awake at the feeling of arms constricting her body and hands grasping brutishly at the fabric of her night shirt. The loud air-starved noise her throat produced was enough to yank him from his subconscious, jerking away from her. Ino couldn’t see Sai’s hunched form sitting on the edge of the bed that clearly in the dark, but she could very well hear his slightly ragged breathing tear through the silence. He was too far from her to reach with a soft call, frozen in place with his head in his hands. As desperate as she was to reach out to him, she knew that she had to be cautious when dealing with him in this state. Testing the waters, she placed a hand on his shoulder. She felt a shiver coarse through his body upon the contact, so she gave him time to get used to the touch. She gradually added to that, scooting her body over to him so that she sat behind him, legs dangling off the bed encompassing his. She waited once more until his breathing settled before she fully took the plunge, resting her chest on his sweat soaked back and wrapping her arms around his torso.

After that incident, Sai had admitted to her that these dreams had become common shortly after their mission in the Land of Silence, serving as another hangoff from Gengo. Ino could never forgive that man for taking advantage of her Sai like that and even a year later he is still experiencing effects from his influence. The same could be said about Danzo, who’s authority still had her husband within its grasp even in death. She believed that the more in touch with his emotion Sai became, the more likely his sense of duty were to weigh on him like this, only to lead to more nightmares.

Ino wasn’t sure how often Sai experienced them, but she knew that it was difficult for him to return to sleep, as she often awoke to him intently staring at her or even missing from bed completely. The panic that settled into her chest would quickly be dispersed when she felt his presence still within their walls. It had become a routine of hers to search for him and use all of her power of suggestion to get him back into bed.

The worst kind of nights were when soft words and kisses were simply not enough and he pleaded for her to return to bed alone that night.

As much as she worried for his well being, there were selfish reasons behind her insistence. She realized early on that she couldn’t sleep soundly without him beside her and it had only comforted her further when he had assured her in his own way that she was “imperative in improving his sleep practices since they began their courtship.”

Crowds were also a struggle for him. This was something she learned after attending weddings attached by the hand. Upon arrival, his body tensed beside her and his eyes darted around as if surveying the area for possible threats. It couldn’t be helped when they suddenly became the center of attention. A quick squeeze of the hand would direct his eyes down to her and the glance she cast that was meant to keep him cemented in the atmosphere. With that, he would relax into a comfortable vigilance for the rest of the event as he partook in festivities. They would later find a secluded place to exist frozen in time while the rest of the world persisted. It seemed as if his introverted nature had only complemented her extroverted status in times like that.

Not everyone could understand this, though. The prospect of marrying Sai came at the cost of angering her clan’s elders. After the mysterious fate of Fuu had been revealed to her clan, they immediately dismissed the idea of their next patriarch being another member of Danzo’s ranks. But for all she was concerned, she was marrying Sai whether they liked it or not. Luckily for her, the entire Ino-Shika-Cho trio had all decided their betrothed to be from beyond the realm of tradition, In a political sense, the Yamanaka clan elders couldn’t complain about foriegn affairs like the Nara and Akimichi clan, making Sai the lesser of three evils in this case. They accepted the union only on the condition that they regulate his responsibilities as the newly dubbed patriarch. He accepted this condition with no question, and Ino was concerned to find him reading through every little stipulation with a critical eye.

“It is not that I am finding a reason to oppose marriage. I simply want to satisfy them so I can make you happy.”

She wanted to argue that it didn’t matter what the elders thought of them, but she was too moved by his determination to appease her that she didn’t dare complain.

But alas this couldn’t ease her worries over what came next.

The baby.

There wasn’t a physical baby in question, but there would be soon enough.

She was the clan’s matriarch just as she was its leader, which meant her responsibility was the same as it had always been. She had to produce an heir to continue her bloodline along with all of the values and traditions that she had been granted by her father. It would seem strange to any woman to just accept the decision of becoming a mother made well in advance, but it wasn’t just for the sake of her family. She wanted this as well, and the idea of raising a child with Sai made her heart race.

But she still wasn’t sure how Sai really felt about it all. She had been abundantly clear about this back when they had started dating, as she was already sure that the man would be the father of her children. But Sai was an objective man who was raised on the value of having a purpose to serve, and she was afraid that he took this as another objective, which was confirmed by his statement.

“I vow to uphold this responsibility.”

She still hadn’t gathered the courage to have that conversation yet. To properly tell him that raising a child was more than just another task to complete. There was emotional value that came alongside the immense responsibility and hardships, and Sai had to be ready to adapt to that, especially when it was barreling toward them with every passing day. She could allow him to look through books when the time came like he always did, but a good wife would at least try to give some perspective for him in a way he could understand.

It seemed like now was as good a time as any, when they were both sitting around in a blissful silence like this. Oh how she hated to break up a moment to bring up something awkward, but it had to be mentioned or she would never get her peace.

“Darling.”

The word seemed almost accidental, as it came out only a little bit above a whisper

She was dreadfully wrong to expect a non committed response from him, as he directed his head away from his sketchpad to look down at her, the lightest flicker of worry lining his features.

“Is everything alright? A soft voice from you usually means there is something wrong.”

She hated when he figured her out so easily. What happened to that clueless man she married?

“Is it so out of the ordinary for me to be nice to you?” She shifted her gaze to the wall. Her eyes narrowed, but she was unable to focus on anything in particular. “You must think I’m a monster or something.”

She waited for his hastened apology for misunderstanding, but was surprised to find him still staring at her when she pulled her eyes back up to him.

She clicked her tongue when he didn’t respond in the way she wanted. She wasn’t going to be able to avoid this any longer. She huffed out a sigh.

“It’s about the baby.”

“You want to conceive now?” His response was so immediate it was almost as if he had it on standby. The bubble of laughter that escaped her lips caught her off-guard.

There it was. The quickfire statement that was capable of ruining any conversation. It was almost as if that answer actually comforted her.

She swatted his shoulder, laughter dying down. “Of course not, you lech!” She returned to her previous position leaned against his shoulder. “You know it’s still too soon for that. We all have to meet about that, remember?”

His attention was then brought back to his drawing with a hum of agreement. That wasn’t able to conceal the blush that found its way to his cheeks, she noticed. Changing the topic to sex would be a good way to end the conversation, but no. She had to ask him.

“How do you feel about all of this?”

He pondered for a moment, looking down at his drawing as if there was something wrong with it. A crooked line or a misplaced shadow.

“I promised you I would uphold your obligation.”

“Sai, that’s no-”

“But I am still unsure if I have what it takes to be a father.” He interrupted her, unaware that he had just bewildered her.

“From the knowledge I’ve attained. Successfully raising a child means meeting their emotional needs along with their physical needs. It isn’t just about helping them survive, it’s also about giving them support and guidance as they develop into a person. It seems so complicated, but it’s supposed to be natural.”

Ino stared in awe at his ramblings. He really did understand.

His obsidian eyes suddenly targeted her, startling her from her stupor.

“I don’t know how I can do that for a child the way that I am. I hardly have the instincts of a normal person, let alone a father. I don’t have many positive childhood experiences to pass onto a child. But I will try my hardest.”

“Sai…” Ino was left speechless and sputtering. Sai understood everything. In fact, he held the same issues that she held. The worry drained from her mind, leaving her with pangs of guilt for underestimating him. She wondered where he found his conclusion. Surely no single book would be able to articulate that point to him.

“Naruto has confided me a lot these past few months about Hinata’s pregnancy. He is afraid that he won’t meet the standards of a good father because of his lack of fatherly figures growing up. I-”

He paused, finally noticing clear eyes focused intently on him, hanging onto every word. Sai centered his head forward to divert himself away from her immense pressure before continuing.

“I also am afraid that I don’t have a good reference for fatherly behavior. I’d hate for my child to withstand the same experiences as me, so I did more research and found-”

Her husband halted once more when he heard her sniffle. His head snapped in her direction to find tears clouding her eyes.

“It’s okay if that’s how you feel.” Ino choked on her words, trying to hold her husband in place with her hands on his cheeks. “That’s why we have to figure it out together.” She struggled to hold back a sob that was only freed when Sai brought a hand up to swipe away her tears.

“Why didn’t you tell me about this?!” Her shout was uncontrollable, as now she was wailing into her husband’s chest. Ino knew he was probably confused that the conversation took this turn, but she did appreciate that he still tried to sooth her with warm hands running along her back. He patiently waited until her sobs quieted before answering.

“I already promised you and I will try my hardest to fulfill that promise. I didn’t think I needed to doubt that.”

“What?!” Ino cried incredulously. She jerked away from him to stare him down, making zero attempt to conceal her dripping face. “I’m your WIFE! I’m supposed to know these things so I can help you!” She gripped both of his hands, bringing her knuckles together, voice softening once more.

“I was afraid you didn’t fully understand what we are up against.” Her eyes  dropped down to their conjoined hands.

“I apologize for the misunderstanding. I just want to be ready so I can support you when the time comes. The last thing I wish for is to make you worry about me.”

Her face scrunched up into a pout as she unhanded him to wipe at her face. “You idiot, I will always worry about you. And besides, no one can ever be ready for children. The only way this will work is if we are open and honest about this. I’m scared about this too, you know?”

His hands rose in front of his chest in surrender to her will. It was relieving to know that he still knew his place.

“From now on, we will tell each other all of our insecurities about this matter.”

Sai blinked, slowly realizing what that entailed.

“E-Everything?”

“Yup, everything. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t grow up with a father. Not every parent is the same. I think you’ll be great.” She closed her eyes as she continued. “ And if you are really struggling, then I can tell you all about what dad used to do with me.”

Ino’s chest swelled with pride at that, impressing herself with how well she handled that.

“I would love that!”

Her eyes slipped open to reveal a rather enthusiastic smile blooming on his face. It made her melt to see how far that smile had come. It seemed her influence also affected his charms as well.

He suddenly raised from the sofa before scooping her up into his arms. Ino panicked at the look on his face transformed before her. His eyes lidded into a trademark squint and his one sweet smile became a teeth bearing grin.

“Wh-What do you think you’re doing?!” She sputtered. Her panic increased as he had now abandoned the room . He hummed at that as they turned the corner towards their bedroom. Never a good sign.

“I know you said we had to wait, but I figured that we could perhaps get a head start.”

“Sai, wait-!”

They would be just fine. She just knew it.