#and my mom chose to sign me up for in person lessons rather than over zoom for some unfuckingfathomable reason so i have to actually Go

[aztrosist666]

i have to go to drivers ed tomorrow from fucking 9 to 5 what am i an adult with a job

[literaryfic]

singer!cha-young & violonist!vincenzo au pt.1

don’t ask me why. i have no answer for you okay.

cha-young starts her career when she’s 5, appearing in a yogurt commercial. she’s not exactly a cute child, but she’s enthusiastic and disciplined.

her dad, the retired leader of a rock band who had a few hit songs in the 80s, is the one who introduces her to music.

she learns the piano & the guitar and takes singing lesson. her childhood is guided by auditions and music classes.

when she’s 12, a big agency contacts her and she signs a trainee contract with them. her dad is against it, but her mom and her win him over. she’ll be careful, they’ll look after her.

she starts training after school everyday, on the weekends too. she’s not really good at dance and she gets in trouble a lot but she’s the best singer in her age group, which makes up for it.

time passes by and the company starts to ask her to lose weight. her dance teacher comments on how big her thighs are. she’s asked if she ever thought about a nose job, or an eye surgery. those things happen a lot, and if she wants a sit at the big table, she’ll need to make some decisions.

her parents disagree, of course, but then her mother falls ill. she has to stop working and money becomes scarce. cha-young doesn’t want to bother them with her insignificant issues and so she starts a diet without any of them noticing. she needs to be thinner, maybe she’ll win a scholarship and her dad won’t need to work two jobs anymore.

her dad comes home drunk most nights, as if the sight of her mother made him sick. she was dying and her husband couldn’t even look at her anymore. cha-young doesn’t know who she hates more: her dad or herself for wishing she could escape home the same way he did every night.

her mom dies when she’s 15 and she stops taking lessons. she quits the company after a while too. she wins a scholarship for a good arts high school, known to hone musical talents. she meets new friends there, ones who don’t care about her proportions or her eyelids, and she’s happy in school.

her dad and her starts to argue more and more, until they stop talking. she fills the silence in her empty house with the music she writes.

after she graduates high school, she works two jobs to pay her way through college. all of her spare time is used composing, writing lyrics, singing. she posts covers on YouTube and she starts to gain some followers.

it’s not enough to make money but an independent label that’s been on the rise notices her. she signs with them after reading the contract carefully, when she’s 19. she choses her stage name, NOVA.

her first album is out by the time she’s 20 and she starts appearing on tv. her second album at 23 is her big break. her first hit song “Alone With You”, an upbeat tune contrasted by sad lyrics, stays on top of the charts for weeks, owing her the nickname of “monster rookie”.

people soon start to discover her easy-going, bubbly yet blunt personality and she starts going on more variety shows.

she’s loved and she’s found her sound, profound lyrics with innovative instrumentals, she plays with genres and concepts often, keeping her image fresh.

at 30, she’s one of the biggest South Korean solo act. she tours the world, sells album, holds events for her fans, travels. she doesn’t have to think about money anymore. she lives in a luxurious apartment in the centre of Seoul.

she’s learned that not everyone is going to love her. she’s used to dealing with virulent anti-fans, stalkers and paparazzi.

she has everything her 15 year old self dreamt of, an amazing career and devoted fans, a name people recognise and a wardrobe bigger than their previous living room. yet, she can’t seem to fill the emptiness inside of her.

she calls her dad once a year, for the new year. he still lives in their old house, refusing to move into the one she bought just for him. he teaches guitar to kids at the community center in their neighbourhood. her anger doesn’t seem to fade with the years.

she almost looses everything when her assistant, jung jun woo, leaks the fact that she’s had an abortion after she rejects him.

she’d been dating an actor a few years ago, and they had had an accident. she’d noticed too late that she missed her period since it was irregular and had to get an abortion. she didn’t think any of it now, there’s nothing wrong with a woman making this choice and she wasn’t ready to become a mother. she’d never once regretted it in the past.

however, South Korea’s entertainment industry was not a kind one, and a news like that would destroy her clean, quirky girl-next-door image she’d built over the years. and it did.

she’d never expected jun woo to betray her. he was part of her management team, one of her assistants. he’d always been cute if not a little clingy.

he’d confessed his feelings for her a few weeks back, claiming that he knew they were made for each other and that he would do everything for her and she’d laughed in his face. she hadn’t meant to sound mean or insensitive, she had thought it was a prank he was pulling on her.

turns out it wasn’t, and he had leaked this “abortion gate” to dispatch to get get back at her.

her label had released a vague statement, about “a difficult time in her life”, urging people to stop looking into “her private medical history”.

trashy tabloids and online blogs had had a field day. some people even started a petition to remove her from the industry. the news quickly turned into a social discourse when feminist orgs stood up for her. everyone was talking about it, some claiming she was a slut, others turning her into a symbol for women’s rights.

she felt like neither, it had been too long since she’d gotten some to qualify as a slut, and her label would have never let her discuss politics publicly.

she’d lost dozens of endorsements and deals and had officially decided to “focus on her health away from the spotlight” for a while (another statement from her label)

officially on her first hiatus ever, cha-young was lost. every time she tried to write, nothing came out. it would’ve been the perfect time to work on a new album but it seemed nothing worked in her favour as of late.

it’s 6 am when her father calls her. the last she’d heard of him was when the scandal broke out and he’d sent a vague supportive message to which she had responded “thanks, dad”. it was unusual for him to call, especially so early (or late).

she picks up the phone the second times he calls. “hello?” “hello, do you know the owner of this phone?” the man on the other side of the line is definitely not her father and he sounds rather annoyed. “yes, i’m this person’s daughter.” “great, can you come pick him up from my hotel room?” “your hotel room? is he okay?” “he should be. we drank too much and i have to vacate the room before 8. can you come or not?” “yes.” “I’ll text you the address from his phone.” is the last thing he says before hanging up. what a rude man.

why was her father drunk in hotel room with this rude stranger and why was she the one having to pick him up?

she doesn’t want to wake up her manager at this hour, and so she decides to go on her own. the hotel isn’t too far, a mere 15 minute drive, and soon enough she’s knocking on the door of a very expensive hotel suit, definitely not what one of her father’s friends could afford. who the hell was this guy?

she definitely did not expect Vincenzo Cassano, renowned world class violinist, to be the one opening the door.

[unmaskedagain]

Ladybug: A Young Avenger

Hey Everyone, I got prompt for a civil war ML crossover fic but I was really into Team Iron Man on Ao3 for longest of times and, after endgame, I kind of need some team fluff. So I tweaked the prompt. It’s still team Iron man; just… not the way you’d expect. (Also did anyone know else know that Penny’s last name was Rolling?)

It took Tony Stark all of five minutes to figure out Ladybug’s identity.

“Jarvis, buddy?” Tony called out.

“Yes, sir?”

“What’s up with teenagers and being bug-themed heroes wearing inappropriate costumes?”

           The A.I took a moment before answering, “…I, for one, blame Vine.”

           Tony sighed. First fifteen-year-old Peter Parker aka Spiderman. He took the kid on an as an intern the second he learned about Spiderman. Now fifteen-year-old Marinette Dupain-Cheng aka Ladybug.

           He groaned.

What could he do? He needed help.

           Captain America needed to be stopped. The Winter Solider needed to be taken down. Team Cap had gone too far.

           It was war.

           Getting Harley Keener, a mechanical mastermind to agree to be his intern was a bit like chewing nails but Tony always knew the kit would agree. Getting Peter Parker, a child genius with a bright future as a scientist, to agree to be his intern was a piece of cake. Honestly Tony could’ve asked for the kid’s soul in repayment and Peter would’ve asked if he wanted on a silver plate or if plastic was okay? Getting Riri Williams, an engineering prodigy to be his intern, was easy. Too easy; her mom practically threw her at him, all while making him swear into a recorder that he wouldn’t sue. No matter what. Introducing the kids to his labs made him feel like Willie Wonka hand-delivering the golden tickets.

           They were all future scientists and engineers like Tony. They grew up worshiping at the altar of Stark Industries like ever future MIT graduate did.

           Marinette Dupain-Cheng, on the other hand, was an entirely different beast who played an entirely different game. She was a fashion prodigy who had designed for stars like Jagged Stone and Clara Nightingale. She had interned for Style Queen Audrey Bourgeois, had her clothes walk the runway during Paris fashion week, and had a summer job that somehow lasted over a year, working for Miranda Priestly, the editor-in-Chief for Runway Magazine when the scary woman took over Paris: Runaway. Said job ended when Miranda when back to New York. Marinette only prayed to the fashion gods. So when Tony Stark, god of the nerds, showed up at her door, she only blinked once.

           Said girl sat between her parents, with cool blue eyes glaring at him suspiciously. Luckily Tony was smart enough to bring Pepper with him.

           Pepper Potts smiled at the family in front of her; two bakers and the daughter, who made the most delicious macarons that she ever tasted. “So you see, after Tony came across Marinette’s wonderful re-design sketch of his suit on her website, he was very impressed with her talent.”

“But to take Marinette on as an intern?” Sabine asked. “Excuse me, but Marinette has always leaned towards the arts than science.”

           Tony gave the woman his best charming smile, “What is science if not another form of art. We both create, strive to better our talents, work to make names for ourselves; experiment and test out hypothesizes. Granted no one in my field ever created the disaster that was crocs.”

           Marinette narrowed her eyes, “Didn’t your father help on the Manhattan Project?”

           Silence.

           Pepper cleared on her throat. “Tom, Sabine, before anyone agrees to anything I’d like to go over safety procedures in place. Would you mind stepping outside with me, I could use a bit of fresh air.”

           Tony and Marinette just stared at each other as the three left the room. When the front door closed behind them, Marinette leaned forward, “What do you want?” Her patience had reached its end.

“Aren’t you being a little rude?” Tony smirked.

“Aren’t you a little old?” Marinette snapped back. “What do you want?”

“I want Ladybug’s help.”

           Marinette flinched back in shock. Her heart raced in her chest. “How do you know?”

“I’m Tony Stark,” He shrugged easily, picking up a mint chocolate Macron. “I know everything.”

           Marinette fought the fear racing through her, and steeled herself like Miranda and Audrey had taught her, “So Iron Man’s wanted Ladybug as an intern? So what does Iron Man get? What does Ladybug get? What does Tony get? And what does Marinette get?”

“You made clear distinctions,” Tony said approvingly, his business-side gearing up. “But I am Iron Man.” He said. “You come to New York for this spring break and for the summer. I get Ladybug’s help in handling a personal issue that has developed within the Avengers. Ladybug gets training from the Avengers. Marinette gets to add Stark Industries and a personal letter of recommendation from Tony Stark to her resume.”

“On the condition, that identities stay secret from the media,” Marinette crossed her arms. “I don’t suppose I can hide it from the rest Avengers for very long. And I get an additional letter of recommendation from Pepper Potts. Pepper takes my friend Chloe on as an intern; she’s the hero, Queen Bee. And only one who knows my identity, besides you. Also, I actually do get to help design your next suit. My expenses?”

           Tony smirk widened. The girl knew how to cover her bases. She even wanted to have an Ally with her should things take a turn. “All paid for by me. First-class all the way. You and Chloe will stay in the Stark Tower on the same floor as the other interns.”

“Other young superheroes, you mean?” Marinette guessed, causing Tony’s eyes to twinkle in joy. “Spiderman, Iron Heart, and WarIron. Based on their sizes, I had guessed they were young; teenagers probably. Why didn’t you ask Chat Noir too? Or why aren’t you? Because you’re not, you would’ve mentioned it by now?”

“You mean the Agreste kid?” Tony said, not noticing Marinette’s eyes widen in surprise. “He’s not serious enough for me. I play games but he goes too far. Surprised you haven’t dumped him yet. Get a better partner.”

           Marinette took a bit of a macron to get a moment to think. Adrien was Chat Noir. In retrospect, it made a lot of sense. Both were socially immature, and a bit naïve. Each had an idealistic view of things and didn’t let the real world break them of it. For example Adrien and his dealing with Lila’s lies. Chat Noir and Ladybug turning down his advances.

“Very well,” The bluenette finally agreed. “I agree to be your intern. Shall we discuss my salary now or later? Well, need to before I or my parents sign any contracts.”

           It was Tony’s turn to narrow his eyes. Not one; not a single one of his interns: Harley, Peter, or Riri ever asked about how much they’d get paid. They’d all assumed it was an unpaid internship and was surprised when their contracts included a salary. “You’re a shark.”

           Marinette hummed, “You should see me when there’s blood in the water.”

           That was something Tony was looking forward to seeing.

           The official paperwork was signed three days later; Marinette was officially a Stark intern. Due to go to Orientation for spring break in New York in a few weeks.

           Those weeks flew by. She let Fu know she’d have to go back and forth for a few weeks. She didn’t bother telling anyone else. Her friendships in the class had dwindled dramatically. While most weren’t her outright enemies, her classmates tended to avoid her. If they couldn’t do that, they were beyond cold to her. It was Lila’s doing. She got her hooks into the class, who all wanted to tie themselves to the golden goose, and when it was clear that Lila and Marinette didn’t like each other, they picked sides. They chose their meal ticket over their lifelong friend.

           Honestly, it made Marinette almost wish that Lila had lied about her instead; accused her of being a bully or something. Anything. Because at least then her ex-friends would have somewhat of a reason to be ex-friends. Even if it wasn’t a very good one. Instead, they were just bad friends all on their own.

           Still, Marinette didn’t mourn their loss as she sat in the back of the class with Chloe on a Sunny Tuesday morning, and they were living for New York that Friday. She had a steadily rising career in Fashion. She had worked under Miranda Priestly and Audrey. From them, she learned it was best to drop fair-weather friends and how to spot wannabes, fame-seekers, and gold-diggers from three miles away.

           She was happy with Chloe as her bestie. The girl had turned a new leaf and proven her loyalty to the point where Fu made her a permanent hero. And the Blond had been ecstatic when Pepper Potts had shown up at their door. She had hugged Marinette a full five minutes for getting her the internship. All while screaming with joy.

           Both girls were excited to go. Though Marinette did encounter one downside. The night before, Jagged Stone and Penny Rolling; or as Marinette deemed them #RollingStone, called her. Or rather Penny did the talking. Jagged was trying to wrestle his newest jacket away from Fang’s teeth. Penny offered Marinette a chance to spend her spring break traveling around on tour with Jagged, as his personal stylist. Marinette had no choice but to turn the job down. She loved her honorary Uncle Jagged but she already signed the contract.

           That morning Lila had spun another set of lies. The first was about helping Tony Stark fix his Iron man suit when she was traveling in America. The second was about the newest song Jagged Stone wrote about her. It was exhausting to listen to but the class hung on every word.

           Bustier had just finished her first lesson of the day when she invited Alya to stand up.

           The glasses-wearing girl grinned at the class, “So as everyone’s aware; there’s a class pool party is this Saturday; first day of spring break, baby!” The class cheered. “Everyone who’s invited should’ve gotten their invitation. Don’t want any drama,” She cast a cold look to the two girls at the back of the class. ��Invite only. So no party crashers. Marinette, Chloe what are you doing this Saturday?” Alya smirked at her call out that the two girls weren’t invited; that they were the only ones who weren’t.

           As if on cue, the classroom’s door burst opened and in walked Tony Stark, followed by a very apologetic looking Pepper, “Marinette; it’s time to go! Grab Pepper’s minion and let’s go.”

           There were gasps from the class. Max sat up straight. Iron Man was in front of him, in his class, this was the best day of his life.

           Marinette just sighed, “Did you kick the door open, Tony?” Disapproval clear in her voice.

“…No?”

“I can’t go now!” Marinette explained. “I have class. We weren’t supposed to leave until Friday, remember.”

           Tony waved her off, “Details. Spring Break starts now. Queenie, Mari; chop-chop! New York is waiting!”

           Bustier decided to step in. She may not always be the best teacher but she refused to allow a strange man, even if that man was Tony Stark, to take away any of her students. “Mr. Stark, can I ask what you want Marinette and Chloe for?”

           Thankfully, it was Pepper that answered as she closed back the classroom door, “They have been employed as interns for Stark Industries. They’ll be attending orientation during their spring break at Stark Tower.”

Max actually fell out of his seat. Because this couldn’t be happening. Stark industries rarely ever took high schoolers’ as interns. Tony Stark only chose the best of the best. How could Marinette land the job?

“Marinette’s my intern,” Tony grinned. “Blondie’s Pepper’s. Who else is gonna teach her how to rule the world.”

           A slow smile spread across Chloe’s face, “With an iron fist.”

           Tony pointed at her, “You scare me. Pepper get your intern!”

           The other students were amazed. Marinette was Tony Stark’s intern. Chloe somehow got Pepper Pott's attention. What had they missed? Why didn’t Marinette tell them? How?

“That’s what we’ll be doing this Saturday, Alya,” Chloe drawled. “In New York, hanging with the Avengers.” Causing Alya to flush with anger. “We couldn’t come to your pool party even if we wanted to. Which we don’t.”

“He found my sketch of a potential Iron man suit design,” Marinette explained, continuing the story Tony had told her parents. “He loved it and offered me the job a few weeks ago.”

“Weeks?” Nino asked. “And you didn’t tell us? Dudette, not cool.”

           Alix nodded, her arms crossed, “Yeah I thought we were friends!”

           Marinette and Chloe just looked at them like they were stupid.

           Alya put her hands on her hips, “Mr. Stark, why didn’t you ask Lila Rossi to be your intern? She helped you with your suit before. She’d be much better than Marinette!”

           The girl in question face turned bright red, “This can’t be happening.” Lila muttered.

           Tony looked honestly confused, “Lila? Who’s Lila? No one ever helped me with my suit except the kids I already got as interns.” He looked at Pepper. “Do I know a Lila Rossi?”

           Pepper shook her head, and turned fierce eyes towards Lila, “Miss Rossi, please refrain from lying about Tony Stark and or Stark Industries. Or we will sue you on the grounds of defamation.”

           Lila squeaked. Sue? She couldn’t be sued. Her mother would kill her if she got a lawsuit from Tony Stark.

           It was the rest of the class’s turn to look confused.

           However, before anyone could ask any follow-up questions, the classroom door burst opened again. Jagged Stone strutted in, followed by a very apologetic look Penny and happy Fang with, what looked to be, the arm of a leather jacket.

“Marinette!” Jagged yelled. “What’s this about you not coming on tour? I need my favorite stylist, love.

Marinette just sighed, “Did you kick the door open, Jagged?” Disapproval clear in her voice.

“…No?”

           The bluenette just shook her head, “I have plans this Spring break. I’m sorry.”

“Plans?” Jagged whined. “What could be better spending your Spring Break with a Rock Star? You can even bring your Blonde. Penny could use an assistant!” He paused, finally noticing it wasn’t just kids. “The bloody hell is Tony Stark doing here?”

           The two famous men eyed each other. The women they came with just looked so done with the world.

           Tony crossed his arms, “I got custody of Marinette for Spring Break; you snooze, you lose.”

“What?!” Jagged hissed. “She’s my designer.”

“She’s my intern!”

           Jagged glared, “I knew her first. By rights, I get custody.”

“I have a contract that says otherwise!” Tony taunted the Rock Star. “Her future is Stark Industries.”

“Her future is Rock and Roll!” Jagged yelled back.

           Both men glared at each other.

“Pepper!”

“Penny!”

           Both women groaned. How was this their lives? Why what was this their lives? What bus full of nuns and orphans did they rob in a past life?

           Penny smiled, “Marinette means the world to us. I’m her honorary Aunt Penny,” She held out her hand for Pepper. “Jagged’s her honorary Uncle. We’ve known her for years. Contracts were already signed?”

           Pepper nodded, “Tony doesn’t play when it comes to his interns. He won’t budge. Trust me; we’ve done this three other times. Marinette’s his kid now, all but legally.” For now, Pepper didn’t bother to add. Every now and then she found discovered a new set of adoption papers with one of the interns’ names on it; one time she found three sets for all three. Plus if Tony kept hinting any harder, May was going to gut him.  “She’ll be in New York for Spring break and all of the summer.”

“Summer!” Jagged whined. “He gets custody for summer too! No!” he shook his head. “Not happening. Call our lawyers, Penny. We’re going to family court!”

           Tony blew him a raspberry. Tony Stark blew Jagged Stone a raspberry. The class could only blink, trying to process what was happening.

           Marinette just wanted the earth to open up and swallow her.

“Marinette already designed your clothes for the tour,” Penny tried to placate. “They’re amazing. We can call and skype if we need any additional tips. We have a concert in New York over spring break so we can go and see.” They didn’t. But Penny would be damned if she could have one booked within the hour. Anything to stop jagged from mention family court again. “Most of our summer is free too, we can visit Marinette whenever we want.”

           Jagged huffed but didn’t say anything.

“Well not whenever you want,” Tony teased.

“Family court!” Jagged hissed.

“Tony!” Pepper said warningly. She was not going to let this going to court. No matter how lovely Marinette was. “Be nice.”

           Tony pouted.

           Marinette raised her hand, “You guys know that legally my parents still have custody of me, right?” There was no answer. “Right?!” Nothing.

           The bluenette just sighed.

           Alya took that moment to break in, “Jagged, don’t you want to say hi to Lila? She’s right here,” Alya pointed to her bestie. “Oh, can we listen to the songs you wrote for her? Can you tell us how she saved your cat from getting hit by a plane?”

           The look Lila gave Alya could’ve killed a thousand men.

           Jagged looked affronted, “Lila? Who’s Lila?” He looked at his fiancé. “Penny, do I know a Lila?”

“No!” Penny glared fiercely at Lila. “Jagged Stone has never written a song about an underage girl before. He has never owned a cat. What parents and airline would careless enough to allow a child to rush onto a runway for a pet? Refrain from spreading any further slander. Or we’ll hit you with a lawsuit so fast you’ll get whiplash.”

“I’m allergic to cats by the way,” Jagged told the class. “All fur actually. That’s why I got Fang here.” He pointed the crocodile who had made its way to Marinette for cuddles. “I’ve had him for twenty years. He’s the only pet I’ve had all that time.”

           Marinette rolled her eyes and took the crocodile in her lap.

“Twenty years?” Kim’s eyebrows furrowed. “Whoa, that’s long that we’ve been alive.”

           Nino glared at Lila, “Yeah it is.” He finally realized the girl was lying. Most of the class had in fact.

“Enough of this,” Tony waved. “Marinette, Chloe, time to go. Leave the dinosaur.”

           Bustier took a deep breath, “No one is taking Marinette or Chloe anywhere. Until I get a note from their parents verifying that is. I’m going to have to ask you all to leave.”

           Penny and Pepper nodded understandingly. Jagged and Tony just looked shocked.

“But I’m Tony Stark!”

“I’m Jagged Stone, love!”

           Bustier just rolled her eyes and shooed them out of her class. It took some handling, and eventually, the women had to drag the guys out. The teacher shut the door with a sigh of relief. She brushed off the imaginary dirt on her clothes. “Marinette,” She called. “If you could tell any future visitors to wait until after school to pick you up, with a note from your parents that would be most helpful.”

“Sorry,” Marinette blushed, a deep dark red.

           Bustier walked back to her desk before pausing. “Is that Crocodile still in my class, Marinette?”

“…Yes.”

“I think he’s here for the rest of the day,” Chloe shrugged. “Unless you want to invite Jagged back?”

           Bustier paused. No. Never again. “No. No. Fang can stay for the day.”

           When the lunch bell rang, Marinette found that it was easier to avoid her classmates' questions, as they were too busy yelling at Lila. It wasn’t long after that Ladybug had to take down Lila’s seventh akuma form.

           Marinette and Chloe left that night to New York. Somehow he managed to convince their parents that missing three days of school to study in the most advanced building in the world was a good thing.

           When they got to Stark Tower, they were given a quick tour. Then Pepper took Chloe to show her where she would be working. And Tony took Marinette the workshop where three other kids were already working.

           The oldest one glanced at her and snorted, “God he kidnapped another one.” He was the tallest in the room with dark brown hair and a smirk on his face.

           The other two snickered.

           Tony looked affronted, “Oh please; your parental units practically threw you at me.

The younger looking boy smirked, “Aunt May threatened to shank you next time you took me out of school early.” He had light brown hair and big brown eyes

           The genius pointed, “You tell Aunt Hottie to leave me alone.”

“HI, I’m Marinette!” She waved happily. “He keeps mentioning he has custody. And I’ve become moderately concerned.”

“And you should be,” The other girl in the room laughed. She was a pretty brown-skinned girl with black wild curls. “Name’s Riri.”

“Harley,” Said the first boy who spoke.

“Peter,” The other boy introduced.

           Marinette nodded and eyes them, “WarIron,” The pointed at Harley. “Iron Heart,” Then at Riri. “Spiderman, right?” She pointed at Peter.

           The three looked at Tony with questions in their eyes. Tony raised in hands in surrender, “Hey, I told her nothing.”

           Harley eyed the new girl, “You’re from Paris, right?” She nodded. “Ladybug, I’m guessing.”  Marinette blushed. “Welcome to the Young Avengers, I guess. Why’d he bring you in?”

           Marinette shrugged, “He said to there was a personal problem happening with the Avengers. He wanted my help.”

           The teen froze. Peter just shook his head, “You didn’t, Tony!”

Tony looked sheepish.

“What?” Marinette asked.

           Riri rolled her eyes, “That personal problem? It’s called ManHunt.”

“I’m sorry?” Marinette asked. She was going to have to hunt a man?

“It’s a game,” Harley explained. “Team Iron Man versus team Cap. One team hunts the other in a sort of hide and seek type of thing and tries to capture as many members as they can. Last time we played it, Team Cap crushed Team Iron man. It’s why Tony brought us all in. Revenge.”

           Said Man didn’t look one bit ashamed, “Rules were since Thor and the Big guy are gone I can bring in whoever I want to replace them.”

           Marinette tossed up her hands, “You brought me here to play a game?” Unbelievable.

“No,” Tony said. “I brought you here to take out the Winter Soldier.”

“Say what now?”

“Welcome to orientation,” Was All Tony said to her question.

           The kids trained together for a week; Chloe, a girl named MJ who was Pepper’s other interns, and a boy named Ned who was a tech intern, were brought in as well. When it turned out that Kagami was in New York City for a fencing tournament. Tony was happy to bring in the scary girl as well. (And somehow get her mother to agree to let her stay for Spring Break) He made practice stealth and learn hand signals. Tony drilled them on the Team Cap’s strengths and weaknesses. They reviewed videos of previous missions until they had everyone’s fighting style memorized. Tony went over body anatomy aka where the best place to hit them was. They memorized plans and scenarios to take out each specific member of Team Cap.

           The teens spent a lot of time in the lab creating gadgets to use against the Avengers. Each one straight out of a spy movie.

           As far as Tony was concerned this was War. And there would be no prisoners.

Team Cap consisted of Captain America, The Winter Soldier, Black Widow, Hawkeye, Scarlet Witch, The Falcon, Antman, along with several Shield employees which included Fury, Melinda May, and Coulson.

           Team Iron man consisted of Ironman, War Machine, Vision, Maria Hill, The Wasp, Quicksilver, Daisy Johnson, and a bunch of names Stark employees: I.E the interns. (Black Panther refused to participate. Though he and sister would watch from Wakanda.)

           Each team had a total of thirty players; no more, no less.

           The game would take place at the compound. Anything area within the compound legal territory was free to use. The living room would be home base and were all ‘out’ people had to stay. Until they were freed. Or until every member of the hiding team was captured and then it was Game Over. Everyone could communicate with their own team using special mics; normally only taken out for missions. However, those imprisoned in the home base couldn’t communicate with their team.

           On Saturday, just before sunset; the main superheroes of the avengers met up. Tony facing Steve. Rhodey glaring at Bucky. Vision versus Wanda. Hawkeye to QuickSilver. The wasp against Ant-Man and the Falcon.

           Steve smiled, “Tony.”

“You ready for war, Cap?” Tony asked.

“Training exercise,” Steve corrected his husband. “I trust your team is ready.”

           Tony smirked, “Oh you have no idea. Your little spies are already hiding in the shadows.”

“Like your team isn’t?”

           The alarm went off.

           Tony suited up, “You have 1000 seconds, Steve.” His helmet shut. “I’d get running.”

           Steve rolled his eyes. His team split up, running into the growing shadows.

           The game had started.

           Marinette waited, hiding in the shadows on the roof. Her ladybug costume was all back with little red polka dots; mostly easy to move around body armor. This wasn’t her actually Ladybug suit; Tikki, while willing to create a new suit design, decided it wasn’t a good idea to involve magic. So Marinette designed herself a new suit, and Tony help her trick it out.

Tony had pointed out the all-good hiding spots located in the Compound. She was the overly large landing pad. She forced herself to stay completely still. Even when she saw the Falcon take flight with WarIron right on his tail.

           The smallest of moments caught on the corner of her eye, the glint of metal. An arrow, she realized. She smiled. Hawkeye.

           She watched the man take stock of the room, looking in every possible place a person could hide. Unfortunately for him, Marinette had a bit of luck on her side.

“All clear on the roof, Cap,” Clint said into his mic. “I’ll keep a lookout from up here.” There was silence as he listened to Cap’s orders. “Okay. Will do. Stay invisible, got it. Over and out.”

           The second the conversation had ended, Marinette through a smoke bomb at his feet. Before Clint could even finish saying, “What the he-” Marinette was on the attack. Using the smoke to her advantage, she swung her yo-yo at Hawkeye’s feet. The String wrapped around his legs, tripping him. Five seconds later, Hawkeye was hogtied on the ground.

Marinette touched her mic, “Tweety Bird down. Bringing him to home base now!”

“Copy that, Ladybug,” Tony said. “Be careful.”

           Clint looked up at his assailant; expecting to see Tony or the Wasp, any avenger. Instead what he saw, was a teen girl with a scary blue-eyed glare on his face, “Who are you?”

           Marinette leaned down, “Your reckoning.” She hissed.

“What the fuck!” He said as he was thrown over the girl’s shoulder and carried to home base.

           When Marinette got to home base, she saw Harley putting a rather put out Falcon on the ground, Spiderman with five webbed up shield agents, Chloe had brought in two, Kagami and Riri brought in six. MJ and Ned both brought in one random shield agent. Marinette tossed Hawkeye on the couch.

           It had been twenty minutes, Clint knew by the clock on the wall. Twenty minutes since sunset and the game had started. And they had already lost just over half their team to a bunch of teenagers.

Clint couldn’t help but wonder what the hell had Tony unleashed on them.

“Foghorn Leghorn secure,” Harley said into his mic. “Tweety in his cage. The shadows are all accounted for.”

“I’m Tweety,” Clint told Sam.

           Sam paused. “…Am I Foghorn Leghorn?”

“Wasp and Vision on their way with The Blue Fairy,” Tony’s voice rang their ears. “They’ll play guard dog. QuickSilver is down; Miss Tuffit got him. Seven minions gone; Captain Hook and his jolly crew got them. Over and out.”

“Queen Bee, MJ, guard the Home base until they get here,” Harley ordered. “Guy in the chair, Mj, back on monitor duty. Fulfill mission Top hat ASAP.” They nodded and left the room.

           Top hat was important. The two were trying to hack into Team Cap’s communications, once they did; it was game over.

“The rest of you complete the assignment,” He told them.

           Then all split up again. Vision and Wasp arrived with Scarlet witch just as they were leaving. All three avengers gave the kids confused looks as they left.

           It would take Marinette another hour before she came across another member of Team Cap. And she didn’t so much as come across, as she did respond to Peter’s cry for help.

“Captain Sparkles!” Peter yelled in their earpiece. “Training yard. I’m trying to hold hi-No I won’t give you back your shield! Hurry! Over!”

“I’m around the corner,” Marinette hissed into the mic as she ran for the yard. When she arrived it was just in time to catch the shield that was flying at her face.

           She held the shield tightly in her hand, feeling like Wonder Woman, as she stared down Captain America.

           Steve looked at the young girl who had joined the fight, “My shield, miss?” He was aware that Spiderman had landed behind him.

           Marinette smiled sweet. Then she launched the shield at him with such brute force, he was lifted off his feet. “The Name’s Ladybug.”

Steve didn’t catch the shield in time and it bounced back to Spiderman.

           Captain America glared at the two teenagers.

           Then the fight was on.

           Spiderman hits Steve with his shield, distracting him. The shield falling to the ground. Ladybug barges Captain America backwards. Steve shoulders her to the floor. Marinette lands on the ground; pain flaring across her shoulder. Spiderman punches Steve who just lifts him and slams him against the ground. Spiderman raises a fist but Steve twists it. A web shoots out of his hand, the sound of a small explosion fills the training yard.

           Marinette takes the distraction to trip Captain America and jump up. As Steve falls to the ground, Marinette uses the electro-shooters that Riri made and shocks the dear life out of him. It wasn’t enough to bring him down but then Peter added in his own shocking web-shooters.

           Yet Steve still looked ready for another round of their fight. Marinette quickly picked up the shield and slammed it across his head. Steve Rogers fell forward in a slump.

           Spiderman webbed up with quick-drying cement.

           Both teens breathed heavily; struggling to catch their breath, tense from the fight. Marinette could even find it in herself to unclench the shield.

“Captain Sparkles is down, over,” Marinette said into the Mic.

“We’re bringing him in, over,” Spiderman added.

           There was a moment of silence.

“…What the fuck?” They heard War Machine say.

           When Marinette walked in with the shield in one hand and helping Spiderman carry Cap with the other, the avengers present quietly lost their shit. Kagami nodded, where she stood over Fury who looked more pissed than ever before in his entire life. Chloe stood over Coulson, who just looked put out. MJ and Ned looked overly pleased. Their mission had been a success but it only lasted long enough to get Fury and Coulson. After that, Team Cap was smart enough to ditch the communications, figuring something was up.

“Who’s left?” Spiderman asked in the Mic. “Over.”

“Stoneheart,” Kagami answered bitterly, referring to Melinda May, into the Mic so the team could hear them. “She took out Daisy and got away. Hill is after her now.”

“Jon Snow and Miss Tuffit,” Chloe said referring to the Winter Soldier and Black Widow. “Iron Man and WarIron are after Small fry. War Machine has eyes on Miss Tuffet.”

“I’m closing in on Miss Tuffit, over.” War Machine said.

           Marinette looked at her team, pressing on her mic, “Guy in Chair, Mj, I want you on Stoneheart’s tail. Spiderman go be back up for the War Machine. Iron Heart, meet me on the Location 12. Over.”

“What are you going to do, over?” Harley asked.

           Marinette clenched the shield in her hands, “I’m going to go tell Jon Snow that Winter Is Over. Queen and Dragon with me. Over.”

           The battle with the Winter Soldier was epic. The showdown happened in the gym. It turned out they weren’t hunting for the Winter Soldier, the Winter soldier was hunting for them. The second they walked into the gym, the doors closed behind them.

           Bucky jumped down from the rafters. He stared at the girls. He had seen them fight. None of them fought with any ounce mercy but plenty of skill. But they were clearly just kids. Just Dames in over their heads. He’d go easy on them. “Shall we, Ladies?”

           Ladybug, Queen Bee, Iron Heart, and Dragon shared a look before giggling.

           The Winter Soldier only just barely stood a chance.

           The girls laid Bucky gently on the floor on home base. He grunted and glared at them.

           A few minutes later, Tony and Rhodey walked in with the Black Widow. The last of Team Cap.

           Tony smirked, “Game over.”

           Rhodey shook his head, “Record time; two hours and four-two minutes. Beats the last one by about seven hours and sixteen minutes.”

           Then they debriefed. Video of the fights and footage was seemed was shown so everyone could see where they could improve. The image of tiny Ladybug clocking Captain America in their head with his own shield was rewinded and watched seven times.

           Tony fell over laughing, “I’m putting on Youtube!”

“I will divorce you!” Steve snapped but couldn’t fight the smile on his face.

           Once The random agents of shield and Stark industries left, Steve glared at Tony. His team had gotten demolished. In record time. “You brought in outside heroes, that’s not fair.”

“No,” Tony laughed. “I brought employees of Stark Industries as agreed upon. Everyone meet WarIron,” Harley lowered his helmet. “Iron Heart,” Riri lowered his, “You know Spiderman already,” Peter took of his mask and waved. “MJ, and Ned” Both teens nodded. “Ladybug,” Marinette took off her mask. “Queen Bee,” Chloe glared as she removed hers. “Dragon!” Kagami took off her black mask. “The interns. Otherwise known as the Young Avengers.”

“Oh, fuck you too Stark,” Clint complained. “Did you see what they did to poor Bucky. He’s the deadliest assassin in history, and I felt they went a little rough.”

           Bucky nodded with a wince, “Can I have my arm back.”

           Steve looked at the bluenette still holding his shield, with a charming smile.

Kagami glared. She held the metal arm like trophy. “Spoils of War.”

           Marinette giggled.

           Being a intern was going to be fun.    

[blackscarabfilmz]

You Never Know What Someone Is Going Through by Michael Gleason

Another story based on a prompt, this time it was:

Write about a character who can suddenly see through another person's eyes — literally.

It's a well-known adage that “You never know what someone is going through”, usually used to encourage people to be kind to everyone. It's not a bad cliché, but it's not completely accurate either, as I can attest to. I'm not always the nicest person, and I admit that freely and openly, but I've taken strides to become nicer, although not for a totally altruistic reason.

You see, I've been afflicted with a strange curse, after a stressful interaction with an old woman whose slow walking was making it so that I missed out on getting the closest parking spot to my office that I'd seen in weeks, in which I used some choice words that I slightly regret.

“Get out of the way, you old crone! If you can't make it across the street, you should be in a home!” I'd shouted from behind the wheel of my BMW as I tried to swerve around her.

She just glared at me and seemed to mumble a few words, but I didn't stick around long enough to really notice, nor did I care. Afterward, I found that I'd gained the ability to literally see through another person's eyes.

I first noticed it right after arriving at the office that day, after getting a spot in a lot two blocks away, and I noticed that my secretary, Janice, was late for work – again. This was the fourth time that week and probably the fifteenth time this month, and I was pretty annoyed with her.

“If she wants that raise she asked for, she'd better start showing up to work on time. What else could be more important?” I thought to myself as I unlocked the door to my office.

Almost immediately, I was hit with the strangest sense of whiplash, because when I walked through the door, I wasn't in my familiar office, I was in somebody's bedroom.

“What the hell?” I turned around, but saw only a hallway behind me, and not Janice's desk.

The room looked fairly normal, and as I looked down at my hand for my briefcase, I instead saw something disturbing. It wasn't my hand! My hand was usually large and hairy, this was small and dainty, with painted nails.

“Nail polish? But...” I inspected the hand closely and realized I recognized the bright red color.

I rushed across the room, nearly tripping and falling as I also realized I was wearing heels, towards a vanity and looked into the mirror. Gazing at my reflection, my fears were realized and I was staring back at Janice's face. Thankfully, she was fully dressed and seemed to be getting ready for work. My eyes dropped slowly towards my, or rather Janice's chest, and I hesitantly reached a hand towards her blouse.

But I was taken out of my shock as I heard a baby's scream and the bedroom door suddenly flew open, revealing a haggard-looking man with a disheveled beard carrying a screaming child, who couldn't have been more than two. That was right! Janice had been pregnant when we hired her, and she'd had the baby not too long afterward. She came back to work pretty quickly after her maternity leave so I never really thought about her home life after that, her performance in the office was all that matters to me.

Janice's husband definitely didn't look like he was getting ready for work, so that explained why she was bucking for that raise. I made enough money for my wife to be a stay-at-home mom by choice, but my kids are almost fully grown, a daughter in college and a son in high school, so my wife's day can't be nearly as stressful as Janice's husband's.

“He's crying again! What am I supposed to do to get him to calm down, again?” Janice's husband asked as he held the baby out to me.

“I... Uh,” I stuttered, I didn't know the first thing about calming down a baby, that was my wife's department, I hesitated to reach for it. Not to mention hearing Janice's voice coming out of my mouth was off-putting, to say the least.

Suddenly, a dog rushed into the room, one of those small yappy ones, and started barking. The noises were incessant, the baby's crying, Janice's husband's whining, and the dog barking, it was driving me crazy. I clutched my hair with both hands, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath, before shouting from the top of my lungs:

“PLEASE, EVERYONE JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!” I shouted, in my own voice, and noticed that everything went silent.

I opened my eyes to see my office in front of me, and murmurs started up from the other members of the office staff behind me. I quickly rushed into my office and shut the door behind me, slumping down in my chair as I tried to rationalize what had just happened to me. I felt so real, but it had to have been a hallucination, right?

I quickly sat down at my desk and tried to clear my head, but my mind kept playing back what I'd experienced. I started working on what I'd needed to get done that day, looking over expense reports, and before long, I heard a gentle knock on my door.

“Come in!” I shouted, looking up to see Janice sheepishly walking into my office. “Glad to see you've decided to grace us with your presence.”

I noticed that she was wearing the exact outfit that I'd seen in the hallucination, but that had to be a coincidence, right? She'd probably worn that exact outfit dozens of times, and that's why my subconscious chose it. I think that's how dreams work, anyway.

“I'm sorry, sir. I really tried to get here on time, but my husband was having trouble with the baby, he was being very fussy today, and things have been really tough juggling that, especially with me working,” Janice explained.

I remained stone-faced, but that was more because her explanation directly mirrored the experience I'd had. But she took my silence as a challenge, to her, I was silent because I was dissatisfied with her punctuality.

“I know that it isn't any of your concern, but if I got that raise I asked for, I could afford to hire a nanny and that would take some of the burdens of childcare off of my husband and me, and I would be able to focus all my attention on my work here.” Janice declared. “It's not greed, and I really do love my job, but I can't be everywhere at once, and it seems like the universe needs me to be.”

After what I'd seen, I believed her, but I couldn't buckle to it immediately. I had a reputation to uphold, besides, a change of heart that drastic might cause people to question things and I don't want anyone to know I'd been in Janice's head.

“I'll consider it,” I said, flatly. “Now, get to work.”

“Yes, sir.” Janice turned on her heel in a way that shocked me, given I'd nearly killed myself simply walking in them, and walked out of my office, closing the door on her way out.

The rest of the morning passed without incident, and I thought that the entire experience was a one-time thing. By lunch, I'd figured out that it was probably tied into that old woman in the crosswalk, but assumed that I'd learned my lesson with Janice, and everything would be normal from then on out. And then later that afternoon, my phone rang, a call from my wife, Diane.

“Hey, honey! What's up?” I asked. “Is something wrong?”

“You bet there's something wrong, Clark! I got Nathan's report card in the mail today!” Diane replied.

“Oh, Christ...” I muttered. “How bad is it this time?”

“Nothing above a C- and most of it is D's and there's an F this time.”

I took a deep sigh and put my face in my hands.

“We are going to have a very long discussion about this when I get home. Is he home yet?”

“Not yet, he's at after-school tutoring, for all the good it's done...” Diane said.

“Make sure he knows he's grounded and won't be playing video games or watching T.V. until we figure out what to do about this,” I grumbled.

“Got it. See you when you get home,” Diane said. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” I said, ending the call. “What the hell am I going to do with that boy? Can't he just apply himself?”

As I turned my attention back to my desk, I again found myself in another location entirely. Although this time I recognized the room, I'd been in there enough times for parent-teacher conferences to know that this was Nathan's math classroom. I looked down at the desk and could vaguely make out a reflection, one that I recognized as my son's face.

“Not again...” I whined, in Nathan's voice.

“What was that, Mr. Wilson?” I looked up to see Nathan's math teacher, Mrs. Snodgrass, standing over me.

She was an austere woman, a very old and traditional teacher, reminded me of some of the teachers I'd hated when I was in school, but as a parent, I liked her style. It kept the kids in line. Of course, I liked that personality a lot less more when it was directed at me.

“Nothing, ma'am.” I looked back down at the desk and spotted a math worksheet sitting on it, half-filled in.

“Have you finished the assignment yet?” she asked.

“Not yet, I'm working on it.” I picked up a pencil and started to work on the problem.

Math was my best subject back in school, but the way they were teaching it now was... strange. I didn't understand what it wanted me to do! I did my best and finished the sheet, handing it to Mrs. Snodgrass. I was alone in the room, save for her, which made sense given that tutoring is usually only for those who are truly struggling.

I stood near the desk, waiting as she looked over the sheet. My face fell when she signed and rubbed her forehead with her wrinkled hand.

“Mr. Wilson, did you pay attention at all to today's lesson?” she asked.

“Well, I...” I started to reply. I didn't actually know if Nathan paid attention.

“I don't know what else I can do. I think we're kidding ourselves with the tutoring, it's clearly not doing anything, and I've exhausted all my methods. I'll discuss that with your parents at the next conference, but as for now, you may go.” Mrs. Snodgrass said.

She was giving up on my son like that? If he's not understanding the material, the teacher should be making damn sure she tries everything! Usually, I had the confidence and bravado to stand up to teachers like this, but in Nathan's body, my confidence evaporated, so all I managed to squeak out was a thank you, and I quickly collected his bag and headed home.

Already this experience had lasted longer than my time in Janice's body, and I was eagerly awaiting it to end. I figured it might end when I got to the front door, but it didn't. I walked into the house and found Diane standing, arms crossed, in the foyer. I knew why she was angry, and I averted my gaze.

“Your report card came in the mail today,” Diane said. “Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

“I know it looks bad, but...” I started. I wanted to tell her what I'd witnessed from the teacher, but she wouldn't let me speak.

“Wait for your father, he's on his way home now.” she pointed towards the living room.

I took Nathan's backpack off and sat on the couch, waiting for a few minutes until I heard my car pull into the driveway. I sat up, partly wondering if perhaps Nathan was in my body since I was occupying his, but one look at my face as I walked through the door, and I knew that it wasn't the case.

It's strange to see yourself from the outside, I don't think of myself as threatening, but clearly, Nathan did. His heart began racing as I took off my suit jacket and hung it up by the door. The other me, the me in my own body... “Clark”, he walked into the living room after greeting Diane and taking the report card. “Clark” sat down in my favorite chair, and Diane took her customary flank position next to me.

“What the hell are we going to do with you? Do you enjoy failing?” “Clark" asked. “I mean, look at this! Do you think you can get into a good college with grades like these?”

I couldn't believe it, would I really say something like that? Have I lost sight of empathizing with my son? Diane just stood by “Clark” and nodded along with what he said.

“The lessons are really hard, especially math!” I defended Nathan.

“If the lessons are hard, you've got to buckle down and study your butt off! I struggled in school too, you know what I did? I worked hard to not struggle! This is important, it's your future! Why can't you be more like your sister? She never had less than a B!” “Clark” shouted.

I was utterly speechless, not just because “Clark” wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise, but also because I could feel just how powerless Nathan felt, with his father, the person who's supposed to be on his side, chewing him out mercilessly. If this really was how I'd been treating him about his grades... that had to change.

“And don't even think you'll be seeing the outside of your room or a classroom until your grades improve. Now go to your room and hit the books!” “Clark” finished.

I felt tears welling up in my eyes and I stood up and ran towards Nathan's room. As I slammed the door, I felt myself crash back down to Earth as I rocked slightly in my chair. Diane put her hand on my shoulder.

“Are you okay, Clark?” she asked, concern in her voice.

“Yeah, I'm fine...” I replied.

“Are you sure you weren't too hard on him? I know his grades are bad, but...” Diane started.

“Yeah, I was a little too hard on him...” I sighed. “I'll handle it.”

I stood up and walked up the stairs, waiting outside Nathan's room. After a few minutes, I knocked on the door.

“Go away!” Nathan shouted.

“Nathan, I've... had some time to think, and I'm sorry. I just... I want you to succeed, but if you're struggling, I need to take the time to help you figure out the problem, not yell at you until it goes away.” I heard the door unlock.

I reached forward and opened the door, Nathan was sitting on his bed, wiping tears from his face.

“I guess I'm just stupid...” Nathan muttered.

“You're not stupid, we just have to figure out how you learn the best. If this tutoring isn't working, maybe we try something different. Say, I was pretty good at math when I was your age, maybe after dinner, I can look over your homework with you. You'll just have to teach me whatever this “new” math they're teaching you is,” I chuckled, and Nathan laughed as well.

“I'd like that, Dad.” Nathan said.

It was a strange experience to be sure, but it taught me something, that I had to be more empathetic and kinder to those around me, particularly when it comes to things outside of their control.

In the weeks following, I've made a lot of strides into being more understanding. With Janice, my other employees, my kids, and even my wife. Seeing things through her eyes is an experience that I've gone to a lot of trouble to avoid. But the curse hasn't gone away, either, because sometimes I'll find myself running out of patience with a cashier or a barista and suddenly I'm seeing things from their perspective. I guess the moral of this story is, “Be kind. Because you never know what someone is going through”.

And trust me, you really don't want to find out.

[keelywolfe]

FIC: Some Sense of Normalcy ch.1 (baon)

Summary: It's Edge's first day back to work at the Embassy, but his job isn't the only thing on his mind. 

Tags:  Spicyhoney, Kustard, Established Relationships, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Past Injury

~~*~~

Part of the ‘by any other name’ series.

Read Chapter 1 on AO3

or

Read it here!

~~*~~

Edge’s internal clock was accurate to nearly the minute. It was a rare day that his alarm actually woke him; normally he was awake minutes beforehand to shut it off before it could buzz and Stretch often teased him about it, asking why he even bothered to set it. Such was the difference between someone who never wanted to oversleep versus one who was committed to it.

Today was no exception to the alarm rule; being off work for a short time hadn’t reset his internal clock now that it was the day for him to return. But for once, Edge wasn’t reaching for his phone. Instead, he kept his sockets closed, his focus entirely on the warm, skeletal body snugged in his arms, as if perhaps he could draw out time and stay here in his bed with Stretch for a little longer.

Unexpectedly, the one to stir first was not him. Stretch let out a sleepy sigh and mumbled, “you’re gonna be late.”

“No, I won’t.”

“yeah, you will. unless you’re gonna skip a shower and coffee, and we both know what kind of mistake that would be.”

Yes, the kind that would make everyone else in the office suffer, either from surliness or stench. Edge wasn’t quite ready to concede the point and nuzzled a kiss against the top of Stretch’s skull. “The person in charge is never late.”

A soft chuckle and Stretch squirmed at the ticklish touch, shifting until he could rest his chin on Edge’s sternum to look up at him. A chance to gaze at Stretch always made for a lovely vision, even as exhausted as he obviously was.

After their discussion in the kitchen, surrounded with chickens as an impromptu audience, they’d stayed sitting together on the floor long enough for Edge’s leg to cease pulsing out operatic scales of pain and gone straight to a throbbing rendition of ‘The Marriage of Figaro.’ Once he’d struggled back to his feet, Edge had been forced to allow Stretch to handle the chickens, even Nugget in her planter, still nesting on her dubious egg.

Even through his discomfort, hearing Stretch joke that, ‘this isn’t usually what they mean when they say a bucket of chicken,’ sent a pulse of affection through him. Ridiculous jokes were always a good sign, for Stretch, if not for Edge’s sense of humor.

Dinner had been sandwiches, also made by Stretch, and they’d gone to bed early, and from the look of today, Stretch was feeling more his happier self. Except, appearances could be deceiving, especially when Stretch was trying to keep from being what he thought was a nuisance and what Edge considered giving loving support to his partner.

If Stretch was doing better, Edge wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth, but neither was he about to let it come into the house and tromp all over their living room. Today was supposed to be his first day back to work at the Embassy and he’d stay home if Stretch needed him.

“How are you feeling?” Edge asked, seriously. He ran a gloved finger along the delicate rim of Stretch’s socket, lingering at the darkened half-moon beneath. Stretch leaned into the touch, his sockets falling half-closed.

“not terrible but not great,” Stretch said, frankly, with enough honesty to soothe some of Edge’s misgivings. “i have a video appointment with doc lee in a couple hours. i’m not feeling very public right now and she said if i was comfortable with it, it’d save me the bus trip downtown.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” Edge said softly.

“oh, yeah?” Stretch raised a brow bone. “glad to hear it, since she also told me to tell you she can schedule your appointment whenever you like.”

Ah. “Of course,” Edge agreed crisply. He would call her later in the day, schedule his appointment, of course he would. He gave Stretch a last, light kiss than got out of the bed, taking a moment to retrieve his cane. “If you have a few hours, then why don’t you go back to sleep for a while, love?”

Stretch only piled up the pillows, propping himself up against them with a contented sigh. “and miss the show? c’mon, handsome, let’s see what you’re wearing your first day back.”

Edge stopped halfway to the closet and gave Stretch a look that stated clearly that he was a brat. Then he remembered, “I forgot to mention, Bruno stopped by yesterday.”

That wiped away a little of Stretch’s smirk, replacing it with wariness. “oh, did he.”

“Mmhmm.” On his side of the closet, a garment bag hung unassumingly and innocent. Edge stripped away the bag and brought out its contents unobscured, holding it out so that Stretch could take in the full effect of the kilt with its jacket.

Stretch’s sockets went wide, his pale eye lights flicking from the outfit to Edge contemplatively, surely already playing out a mental movie in that clever mind of his how Edge would look in it.

“Interesting choice,” Edge said lightly. He smoothed a hand down the fine cloth, picking away an imaginary speck of lint. “A little formal for work, isn’t it?”

It was and it would likely draw unwanted attention. But Stretch chose it, Edge would be more than pleased to wear it for him and take a few stares as his due.

“yea, think it is, actually,” Stretch said slowly. His tongue flicked nervously across his teeth, “not exactly the same standard you set with those power suits of yours. might be better to save it for a special occasion.”

Or rather, an occasion where Stretch could bear witness instead of one with him buried into his office all day. He hid the smirk threatening to reveal itself and zipped the kilt suit back into the garment back with only a twinge of regret. “Perhaps you’re right.”

And perhaps a private viewing could be arranged in the near future.

A more sedate suit choice later and Edge hesitated at the side of the bed. He had enough time yet for coffee, but Stretch was right, he needed to hurry, or he’d be late for his first day back. And yet— “Can I call you on my lunch?”

“ain’t it ‘may’ you call?” Stretch drawled. His smile was softer. “babe, you don’t need to ask to call me. i’ll pick up, okay?”

“Okay.” Then he gave into temptation, pushed Stretch back into the rumpled blankets and took a kiss, trying without words to express the depth of his love, his concern, all the emotions wound up tight inside him.

He couldn’t say if he was entirely successful, but the gentle reflection of love in Stretch’s briefly heart-shaped eye lights was a good start.

“oh, hey, before you take off,” Stretch got out of bed, unselfconsciously naked, and went downstairs, leaving Edge to trail behind him as he tried not to stare at the tempting sway of Stretch’s bare shapely pelvis as he walked.

Of all things, Edge did not expect Stretch to retrieve a rumpled paper bag, about the size of a lunch sack. He held it out expectantly. “can you take this to janice? we did a craft thing the other day and oscar’s wasn’t dry yet so he couldn’t take it home. figured it might be safer for his mom to carry it than for him to run with ceramics, anyway.”

“Of course.” Edge took the bag, carefully tucking it around the contents, and added it to his briefcase.

One travel mug of coffee and his laptop bag later, and Edge headed out the front door, cane in hand. He hardly made it down the steps before he stopped with a scowl.

Red was standing by his car, hands tucked into his pocket and a grin on his face. It made his hackles rise, particularly considering the way Red handled the situation with Nugget. He wasn’t unappreciative of his brother’s efforts, but he couldn’t truly say he was exactly thankful, either.

Edge stopped several feet away and well out of arm’s reach, a long ago lesson learned when it came to those who could teleport. “What do you want?”

“good to see you, too, bro,” Red snorted. He was chewing on a toothpick and that alone was suspicious, that he wasn’t smoking one of his horrible cigars. Confirmed when he added, “here to drive you to work.”

“No,” Edge said immediately. “I’m perfectly capable of driving myself.”

“yep,” Red agreed.

“The doctor cleared me to drive as long as the distance wasn’t excessive.”

“sure did.”

“And I’ve driven several times since I’ve had the cast removed.”

“i know. gonna argue with me in front of the honey bun?”

Sure enough, when Edge glanced behind him, Stretch was peeking out the curtains curiously and he knew damn well that the chances of him hastily snagging a raincoat out of the front closet and coming out to see what was the problem was dangerously high. The very idea of arguing with his brother while his husband stood by naked beneath a coat while their overly interested neighbors looked on made him stifle a shudder of pure horror.

Edge gritted his teeth and went to the car, putting his case in the back. He went to the passenger side and stood by the door, looking at his brother directly, meeting that irritatingly amused crimson gaze with his own. “Why do you want to drive me?”

To have Red look away first was inconceivable, illogical. His crimson eye lights slid to the side, a fleeting expression of discomfort grossing his face. Edge took a cautious step towards him, “Brother?”

“need someone to have your back. get in the fucking car,” Red muttered.

Wordlessly, Edge did as he was told.

Red drove with a combination of careless skill and blue magic, disconcerting and impressive at the same time. He wove through traffic and more than once, Edge bit back directives that would only open him his brother’s mocking. Backseat driving was a great deal more enjoyable with Jeff and far more likely to actually have results.

It was right after Red sped through the very tail end of a yellow light that he said. “you sure you’re ready to wade back into the shit?”

Edge gave his brother a narrow look. “Of course I am.”

“yeah? got that psych eval scheduled already, didja.” That was unexpected. For all that Red was more likely to sacrifice an arm to satisfy Papyrus’s obnoxious dog than to schedule a therapist appointment of his own, he’d never mocked or derided Sans and Stretch for doing so. In fact, he never really discussed it at all, less an elephant in the room and more a blue whale crammed inside, tail tucked behind its head.

“Not that it’s any of your business,” Edge told him coolly, “but not yet. I’d planned on doing it today.”

“yeah, you do that.” It sounded suspiciously like an order. Honestly, this was giving him an entirely new perspective on Stretch’s irritation with his brother’s obsession with his mental health.

Red said nothing else as he drove, the irritating twang of the country station he’d chosen filling the silence. His brother dropped him off directly at the entrance, parking in such a way that allowed the car to act as a barricade against the protesters that lined the sidewalk across the streets. A quick glance confirmed that while some of the signs had changed in the aftermath of the California attack, the message certainly hadn’t. There were enough mentions of dust to make any person crave a glass of cool water and to give a Monster nightmares.

He turned away and went inside, leaning on his cane a little heavier than he would have preferred. His mobility scooter was supposed to be delivered today and as much as that was supposed to ease his travels, Edge couldn’t say he was looking forward to learning how to use it in the Embassy hallways.

“Morning, Edge.” The security Monster didn’t look up from the screens, most displaying camera angles from outside and in, and one showing what appeared to be reruns of ‘I Love Lucy’. A believable façade of disinterest, one that Edge knew was tested from time to time by his own brother. If hostiles believed security was lax, they didn’t put in as much effort to thwart it, it was a technique they’d used back in Snowdin on their own house and out in the woods against XP hunters, tricking them into bypassing the obvious traps only to step into the better concealed ones.

Details might change, but their techniques worked, no matter what Universe they were in.

Edge nodded in greeting and swiped his badge, heading to the elevators. By the time he was nearly to his office, a trek constantly interrupted by greetings and well-wishers, Edge was very much looking forward to using his scooter even if he made him appear like a castoff Tony Hawk impersonator. His leg was aching furiously and consistently, there was probably still some residual swelling from yesterday.

Once he was in his office, he could put it up, he told himself, even as he struggled not to be curt while another Monster offered delight at seeing him back.

The sight of his office door had never been such a relief and Edge only nodded distractedly at Janice’s greeting, limping into his own office.

He nearly fell to the sofa with a sigh of relief, propping his leg up on the arm. The angry throb of pain began to ease almost immediately, dulling down to bearable. This was starting to become a concern, he might need to—

“Edge?” He startled, clenching his fists against the sudden surge of his magic even as he cursed himself; he hadn’t even noticed Janice following him in. She stood just inside the door, asking cautiously, “Are you all right? Can I get you anything?”

Motherly concern surrounded her almost like an aura, her long ears high and alert. Edge almost refused, then changed his mind. “There should be an ice pack in the freezer, if you don’t mind?”

She retrieved it hastily and helped him settle it between the straps of the splint. The cold was immediately soothing, and Edge sighed in relief, letting his head drop back on the sofa arm. He opened a socket to find Janice watching him with the expected concern. She didn’t try to hug him, she was far too professional for that, but the urge was vividly obvious.

Edge reached out and lightly patted her arm, “I’m fine, the walk took more out of me than I expected.”

That seemed enough and relief filled her soft brown eyes, “Of course, it is a bit of a jaunt up here. Can I get you some coffee?”

“Please,” Edge said gratefully. Not only for the coffee itself but for a chance to gather himself without an audience.

She returned all too soon with a cup and set it on the table, saying, “I would have been by to see you at home, but I didn’t think you’d like an audience.”

That was one thing to be grateful for, considering the outfits he’d been forced to wear while convalescing. “I appreciate that.”

“I knew you would. Besides, it isn’t as if we didn’t speak enough between emails and messaging.” She straightened and professionalism settled over her like a shield. “Speaking of which, let me get your schedule for the day. It’s a light load to start, per Asgore, of course.”

“Of course,” Edge repeated wryly, “Ah, before I forget, here, I brought this for you.”

He pulled the crumpled paper bag out of his briefcase, handing it over. Janice opened it curiously. She took out what was perhaps supposed to be a coffee cup, if it were made by someone who’d had it described to them by Salvador Dali and then exposed the results to absurd amount of radiation. It was lumpy and lopsided, the handle managed to be both entirely too large and also positioned where it couldn’t be comfortable held. The colors could be best described as ‘muddy’ and worst as a visual nightmare rained down upon a ceramic that had already seen its fair share of suffering in its short life.

Janice held it up appraisingly and gave Edge an oddly gentle smile, “Thank you. You did a wonderful job.”

Realization hit and embarrassed heat rose in his face with the force of an explosion, spreading all the way to the top of his skull. “No, no,” he sputtered out, “your son made it with Stretch and the other children, I was only delivering it!”

“Oh, thank heavens,” Janice almost sagged in relief, pressing a furry hand to her chest, “I was worried you’d hit your head, too. It’s lovely, of course, but from you I’d expect something a little more…” she hesitated, and Edge raised a brow bone as she settled on “…precise.”

Fair enough.

“Yes, well, as fascinating as this has been, let’s get to work,” Edge said crisply.

“Of course, let me bring in your schedule.” She bustled out and while she was gone, Edge made his way to the desk, carrying along the ice pack. He settled it back into place as he sat in his office chair and the simple act of signing into his computer was nearly as soothing as the ice.

By the end of the day, his leg would surely be singing another tune, but for now, he was focused on getting back to work.

Back to normal, one painful step at a time.

~~*~~

tbc

[ourrightside]

10 Reasons Why Carrie Bradshaw Wasn’t THAT Bad...

Sex and the City is the most elite series I’ve ever watched - and I was so excited to purchase the first season when I turned 18.

I would listen to my mom and my sister gossip about the show when I was younger and feel so left out. But, my mom would refuse to let me watch it until I became an adult. Thank god.

Being an avid fan now, I sometimes scan through Sex and the City articles on the net, and can’t help but notice dozens of articles filled with ‘Carrie’ slander - which kind of makes me nervous.

Although it was true that years ago girls were labeling themselves as the ‘Carrie’, ‘Samantha’ and ‘Charlotte’ of the group - the serious and less glamorous friend got stuck with being a ‘Miranda’; it is kind of an insult now to be deemed as a Carrie. 

As we all matured, we realized that being a Miranda is amazing and we should all strive to be just as successful - but Carrie Bradshaw is still a valid character and I’m here to prove why the “sexual anthropologist” is not all that bad. 

Now before I dive into why I totally get Carrie Bradshaw, I would just like to point out before hand that I am aware that she is just a fictional character and hopefully you are too. If you are not informed, then I apologize for this harsh revelation. However, let’s continue. 

1. She was average looking

While we can all agree that her physique only gets stronger and leaner throughout the series, she was still not exactly perfect looking. Despite her fit body, she was not model like or necessarily tall. She did not have a perfect nose. She did not have the biggest ‘lady parts’. She did not have the plumiest lips. She did not have perfect facial symmetry.

But, she was okay with it. And has mentioned that by the age of 30, she was over being uncomfortable with her looks and decided to move on.

Despite constantly bumping into models and having to accept that men can be total “modelizers” - especially in the capital of the world aka manhattan, she chose to embrace her natural beauty, which in turn has allowed her to walk the runway in her underwear.

2. She was selfish 

Yes, the new trend is to be selfish and say no - because that is ‘self love’.

If that truly is the case, then there was no denying then that Carrie was selfish throughout the series.

As human beings, we are selfish by nature. But since we now identify ourselves in societies with expected norms and values, being selfish disqualifies you sometimes from your environment. To avoid being lonely, we try to let go of being selfish or at least hide our selfish traits.

Unfruitfully so, our selfish instincts at times fail us - exposing our true colors. And whenever that happens, people aren’t too afraid of pointing out what you did wrong. It doesn’t make us necessarily evil, just makes us human.

To avoid being Freudian in this post, let’s just sum up that Carrie is harmlessly selfish at times - that includes being late to every event, asking her friend Susan Sharon if she could trade in her cashmere sweater birthday gift for cash, accepting a pair of 600$ shoes from her other super rich friend, and cutting off Charlotte’s possible infertility problem discussion to talk about her Manolos.

The list goes on, I mean - this is just classic Bradshaw behavior. However, this character cannot be deemed as bad. She was just under the spotlight, and if we were under it too, we would find out that we do have these moments as well without realizing it. We are not perfect. However, Carrie does reflect on her mistakes often, which is something we should be doing more. 

Sometimes, her selfish tendencies can really get out of hand. 

It was not okay when she got angry at Charlotte who did not offer to lend her money after she blew it all off on Manolo Blahnik shoes instead of rent. It was not okay when she threw away Aiden down the drain. It was not okay when she slept with a married man, even if it was ‘Mr. Big’.

We cannot shame her though because we all have hidden skeletons in our closets...it’s up to you however to peak in and see which faults make it or break it for you. 

3. She was a working woman 

No offense to chastity ball princess Charlotte, who wanted to be a housewife to any rich man who crossed path with her, Carrie Bradshaw was by all means an ‘all star’ business woman. Despite being unconventional unlike Samantha Jones (PR executive) and Miranda Hobbes (Harvard-graduate Lawyer), Carrie Bradshaw was a restless woman that worked in multiple fields all at once despite being so undermined.

She had so many tasks to tackle all at once while juggling multiple projects. She ran around between the fields of Journalism, Content Marketing and Public Relations. She was able to get invited into all the ‘fabulous’ events and meetings because of the hard work she invested in all by herself as a freelancer who lived in a huge place like New York. Carrie finally reached her goal at the age of 40, which was working at Vogue. She even wrote multiple books as well.

4. She was unconventional

Despite the show running in the early 90s, Carrie Bradshaw decided to be a sex columnist. She never gave up on her weird unconventional job and was proud of her career despite the looks or comments people would make. She had a weird exterior in addition to how upfront she was about the physical makings of life.

In addition, Carrie did not believe in marriage until she became a fiancée at the age of 40. She traded in a ring for a pair of shoes and a walk-in closet, unlike most women, who would rather get married in their mid 20 to early 30s with a huge rock on their finger. 

5. She was struggling at adulting

Carrie Bradshaw had a deluded concept of adulting that at least most of us had or still struggle with. She was not a healthy adult with financial stability and a well thought out regime. However, she still managed to be fabulous.

She had poor dieting habits, which made her sometimes skip dinner to buy Vogue instead. She believed that shopping and gossiping were the best types of cardio. She was not the cleanest and had a messy apartment at most times. She did not care about the way her living space looked like, which she later on freaked out about in fear of being judged as an imperfect adult according to Mr Big. She paid so much on shoes that she could no longer afford her rent. She believed that investments must be seen in her closet. She drank at least six dollars worth of coffee per day. She would smoke and drink way too much for a thirty year old woman.

6. She was a good friend

Carrie Bradshaw had so many friends that it almost put her PR bestie Samantha to shame. To be honest, Carrie may have not been a perfect friend, but she was as good as it gets realistically.

What made her so realistic in her friendships was her ability to be there for most of her friends’ hardships. She had her ups and downs with her empowered female group because sometimes they would feel like she was too problematic and vice versa. For the most part, it is impossible to be as passionate to your friends as you once were the first time you guys met. But what makes a friend a good one is that they never voluntarily try to find excuses to leave you behind.

Carrie’s love towards her friends in her good and bad times showed that she valued them like family. 

7. She was lost

Carrie was probably more lost than she would have liked to be. She had a tendency to dwell on what should have been and could have been. We all have regrets and sometimes she voiced hers out more than other characters within the show. She would sometimes yearn over the years that passed by her. She even went to extremes such as dating a college boy just to remember what it was like to ‘just kiss’. Rookie Mistake, Carrie.

Just like Carrie, as time goes by at any age, we look back at the spur of events that created our timeline and take note sometimes of which events we deem as either life-changing, traumatizing or both.

8. She was experimental 

She may not have been as promiscuous as her friend Samantha, but she was unarguably adventurous in all aspects of her life. Although the most obvious aspect may have been her outfits, her wild colors and funny textural accessories were just a preview on how eccentric Carrie Bradshaw truly was. She mentioned that her younger years were a genuine pursuit of fun in every shape or form, which most twenty-something-year-olds cannot deny.

She emphasized that she fears living life as a cautious person because of the hurt she has endured. However, she truly defined throughout the show what it means to be eccentric, empowering the ones who fail the experiments of life to get back on their feet. 

9. She was flawed

Carrie Bradshaw believed in the glass half full rather than half empty throughout the series. Despite being unbearably flawed to the point where her friends no longer wanted to listen to her problems, she decided to see a shrink which is something that would have been especially socially-unacceptable in the 90s. Carrie still overcame her mental issues and found other remedies which in turn has led her into accepting the way things played out. 

As we grow up, we, like Carrie, need a little bit of help in order to realize that temporary issues will fade away into lessons and the permanent ones that are out of our control can be accessorized into our lives accordingly to the way that we want it to look like.

10. She was in love

Her love towards Mr Big was illogical - almost completely insane. But what made her character so special was the fact that she never continued her relationship with Aiden because she knew deep down that it was Mr Big all along and never gave up on it; despite all the signs that kept telling her that he was bad for her. He was at the time indeed bad news, which made her feelings towards him fluctuate between love and hate.

Now, the psychology behind her and Mr Big does not justify why you should call your ex right now so put your phone down, but it is something to think about. 

Carrie took the road not taken for most women, especially during the 90s where gender roles in love where still a bit rigid. While it is true that it is always easier to date lovers who make the effort to chase you rather than pursuing it yourself, the easiness does not create the ‘fairytale love’ that most of us strive for.

Carrie once described her love towards him as a crash rather than a crush. But if something deep down is telling you that someone is your person, shouldn’t that account for something? Shouldn’t we all just go for ‘ ridiculous, inconvenient, time-consuming can’t-live-without-each-other love’, and get it right just like she did?

- Nina xx (yasminasayyid)

[paintmearainbow]

What Is Love ?

Love.

Love means different things to different people. Some people say love is making your partner happy and seeing them happy makes you happy . But love, is actually a figment of our imaginations. In a way, love is selfish and makes us lose our independence. You make the other person happy to keep yourself happy, and you become dependent and vulnerable. It's a somewhat like a shared dream. And until one person decides to wakeup, and that dream, albeit fun while it lasted, becomes a living nightmare

1 YEAR AGO

For Harry and y/n; sneaking out of premiers and award shows,buying tacos and eating them at 3 AM was love. For them, love was dancing in the kitchen to Elvis and baking with each other. Love was watching horror movies in makeshift tents, snacking on caramel popcorns and cans of soda; all while making fun of Harry's "those dumb bitches" in the movie. Love was falling asleep in each others arms and reading each other books. It was dressing up as Disney characters and acting out scenes from their favourite animations. It was etheral, perfect. Almost too perfect too be true

People always said "Love will fizzle out. One of you will get bored." Harry and y/n didn't listen. They burned so fast, so bright and didn't realise that their spark too, like all blazed and sparks from lighted matches, had extinguished. One second it was burning so brightly, and the next, it was gone

..............................................................................................

"When was the last time you spoke to him ?" asked y/n's sister.

" A week ago" a distraught y/n replied. "He barely has time to even talk to me on the phone, let alone show me the sights and explore the places with him via facetime"

For a brief moment, she allowed herself to close her eyes and all the memories flashed through her eyes, like a movie roll, playing over and over agai

FLASHBACK

"Y/N !" exclaimed Harry, the golden flecks in his eyes dancing with joy. Oh how she longed to see him, feel him and be with him in real life , rather than on a screen. Yet she was eternally grateful for Harry for never making her feel left out from the tour experience, he always made sure to show her around, even if it was only on a screen, while giving tour guide commentary in a horribly fake American accent.

"You're in for a treat ! We're going to see the Louvre today. Come on an enjoy the sited with Harry's Tour Experiences"

Y/n couldn't stop laughing.

Being an art fanatic, she giving Harry detailed descriptions of the art, while all he did was turn it inti a joke. His put on accent stood out when he kept saying " Oh shucks ! Here's another painting of a few women and men fighting and eating." He termed an entire style of art; renaissance art as "men and women barely dressed fighting and eating". He made a few sly comments on how y/n would look lovely in that dress. It was so wonderful and each of these virtual trips was marked with his signature end. Going to a park, and eating the same food.

His laughter was contagious and y/n loved it. She wondered how she got so lucky, so blessed to have hazza in her life.

She never thought that this love, would eventually fizzle.

end of flashback

Now she was lucky if he spoke to her for 5 minutes. Even those 5 minutes were filled with her talking and him showing least interest in what she had to say. She doubted whether he even listened.

Today, however was a low blow. It was y/n' bday. had it been any other year. Harry would've made this day perfect. They had been together since they were 18. The first year, he bought her 18 gifts on her birthday. The subsequent year, he got her 19 and so on. He would make her breakfast in bed and wake her up with showers of kisses and a "Good Morning, Happy Birthday Darling."

Today however, at 7 PM , she was yet to have him acknowledge that it was her birthday. She was yet to have any sign of news from him at all. She illusioned herself, thinking that maybe he had interviews to attend.

Her sister, however, tired with y/n's moping, said" You're coming over with your friends to Club 22 this night or else I wont speak to you. I don't want you to spend your birthday moping around"

With great difficulty, y/n was persuaded by her friends to go clubbing. The loud music, the drinks and the dim lights were never y/n's scene. Yet, for the sake of her friends, she fixed up a smile on her face and tried to enjoy, trying her best to forget than Harry's call still hadn't come.

.......

It was 10 PM and the party was in full swing. y/n's friends were drunk, so drunk. Everyone around her was laughing, drinking and joking. Meanwhile, a new disturbing thought had settled in y/n's head. What if he got into and accident ? What if he's really sick ? She was ridden with anxiety and couldn't get Harry off her mind, until that one fateful message from Nezza, her best friend, Harry's PA, through whom they had met, sent her that message. When y/n's phone lit up and she scarmbled to see the text, hoping it was Harry, she did not know it would change her life permanently.

The text was simple. "I'm so so sorry honey; you deserve to know" It was attached with a single file of pictures.

She subconciously knew what had happened. She had seen all the signs, yet chose to ignore them, not wanting to get up from her dream. The reduced duration of phone calls ultimately leading up to a call a month, the regular excuses, coming home late, half hearted kisses, they all added up. For a split second, y/n wanted to think that it was something else; maybe harry was too drunk or had passed out in a bar.

The message to forever to download. It was so slow and painfully excruciating. It was like the calm before the storm. The slow before the fast. The light drizzle before the thunderstorm. When the picture finally loaded; her heart shattered ever so fast. The pain she felt was numbing, yet somewhere in her mind, she was gald that Harry was safe.

There was Harry, his arm around the small waist of the redhead, his fingers entwined in hers. The same fingers which ran through y/n's hair multiple times, were now woven in another's hand. She thought her heart couldnt break more.

Fate was not kind to y/n.

She swiped to see the next picture, and she wasn't sure how, or whether it was even possible, but her heart further broke. Harry was kissing her in the booth, their booth, in Alessandro's the place he had her first date with y/n.

Fate had evil plans for y/n.

Tears streaming down her face, the makeup for the night ruined, y/n looked around for her sister and friends but they were nowhere to be seen. The only thing glowing right now was her glitzy dress, the one she had been forced into. Unable to take it anymore, she ordered an uber and left.

Fate wasn't kind to y/n at all

The minute she left the club, she was blinded with lights, the flashes from the camera, and the shouts from the reporters

" How do you feel about Harry cheating on you on tour ?"

"Did you expect this ? How do you react to Harry kissing a supermodel, younger than you!"

Y/n wanted to scream, but keeping her emotions in she pushed through the sea of people, got into her uber, gave her address and broke down.

She cried and cried. The uber driver tried to ask her what was wrong but she couldn't stop crying. she wanted the pain to go away. she wanted to cry. But most of all, she wanted Harry to tell her that it wasn't true and hold her in his arms and tell her it's alright.

But it wasn't. it wasn't alright. Far from it.

The next morning after an extremly broken sleep, y/n awoke. All the event's from last night wre remembered and her eyes started to water again. She switched on her phone to see the hashtag #y/ndeservesbetter and #harryandy/nareover trending. She also so 100 missed calls, voicemails and texts from Harry but chose to ignore them.

Y/n was raised to be strong. She spent most of childhood see her mom struggle to make meets end. She had seen the worst. She was strong. She went over to the mirror and saw her reflection and realised that she looked a mess. She took 3 deep breaths, washed her face, and masked her emotions, just as she did way back in high school, before she met Harry, before he changed her.

She went down and suddenly the apartment door opened. There stood the man who she loved, the man who had broken her heart, the one who still held her heart, no matter how broken it was.

He pleaded with her to forgive him. He begged, cried, said it was a one time mistake, and he regretted it, that he loved her; but y/n turned a deaf ear to his pleas. Their love had fizzled out, and she was blinded by affection not to realise it earlier. And as the saying goes " Once a cheater, always a cheater." Y/n wasn't taking any more risks. She put on a strong facade, made up her mind and left, leaving a crying Harry on the porch.

She wasn't over him, far from it. She was so broken, yet showed no signs. She had calm expresssion, yet her thoughts were chaotic. But she knew what was best and she knew this was the right thing to do. She had to take the lessons from this experience and move on, just like her mother had taught her. Dreams end, no matter how amazing it is, no matter how much you want to hold on and live it, and this, her perfect dream, had also come to an end.

So, what is love ?

A dream ? A nightmare ? Soemthing too good to be true?

Maybe all it is, is an illusion. A fairytale. Or maybe it is the truth, because truth teaches us lessons and so does love. i guess it's one of those things which just has no answers.

author's note

AND THATS A WRAP. I DO NOT CONDONE CHEATING. it's something which definitely shouldnt be forgive . this the first ever imagine I've posted on my new tumblr. Please send feedback. Hope you enjoyed it. Reblog. What are your thoughts? i would love to hear them. Send requests for more imagines.

i should be studying but eh.

keep dreaming

ashu.

(here's a random B99 gif for no reason)

[chrmdnbeautiful]

Depression... maybe TMI?

With what’s going on in our world right now, I have been seeing a lot of posts about mental illnesses. I know so many people that are affected by some mental illness and I know even more that have no idea what it’s like to be locked in with our demons. 

My depression may not look like someone else’s. It might be hard for you to believe that I even suffer from it or anxiety. Believe me, you wouldn’t be the first. Depression affects everyone differently. For some, depression is no big deal, a mood... they might feel down in the dumps because of something that happened, but the feeling usually fades with time. For others it’s an illness that they have to deal with day in and day out, kind of like a persistent cough that may never go away. You can manage it, but not always be cured of it. 

Some days it feels like I’m drowning. Like I’m in the middle of the Pacific trying with all my might to make it to the shore. I’m physically a strong swimmer, but sometimes, emotionally, I’m just too tired to keep swimming and I fall beneath the surface. Fighting yourself every day is utterly exhausting. My worst enemy is not some mean girl from high school who tried to ruin my life, it’s me, myself, and I. Logically, I know that devil on my shoulder, that looks and sounds just like me, is just a big, fat liar. But damn if she isn’t a convincing bitch!

There are people in my life that have a hard time believing that I’ve been fighting this illness since I was ten years old. You’re so happy all the time. Kids that age don’t even know what depression is. Ten year olds have no reason to feel hopeless, like they’re better off dead. All I can say is, tell that to any child who has suffered from trauma. There are probably a lot more than you even realize. I’ll give you that I didn’t understand what I was feeling back then, but I was sure as hell feeling it. There are people in my life that choose to look no further than the smile I plaster on my face because I don’t want to feel like a burden and they don’t want to believe I have demons inside me that I can’t defeat. Other people see what’s going on and what to help but don’t know how. I appreciate these people but sometimes they end up making things worse.

Members of my own family choose to ignore the very serious illness I have been fighting for over twenty years, the very same one that has led to three, let me say that again for the people in the back, THREE suicide attempts. They would rather believe that I’m being dramatic, seeking attention rather than have a serious illness. 

People try to help when they say things like it will get better or you’ll be alright. I know all of that, but in those moments when the darkness surrounds me, tries to suffocate me, I don’t feel like I will ever make it out. I will not just get over the trauma that I suffered, I will always carry that around like a scar on my heart. It’s going to take a lot of work before I can live my life without the black cloud of my abuse hanging over my head. Something I have only recently started to do willingly. Therapy only works if you want it to, I fought it for so long. The third attempt at taking my life scared me enough to seek help on my own for the first time in my life. It’s helping, but it’s not taking the pain away. I can’t make it go away, no matter how much I may want to. People just don’t seem to understand that sometimes though, I just want to scream it in their faces, but I choose not because I know they are only trying to help. I just wish they realized I can’t just snap my fingers and make my pain and anxiety disappear. That would be a cool trick if I could though, right?

My mom put me in therapy when I was twelve years old because she knew there was more to the never ending rivers of tears and constant tantrums, the separation anxiety, and the unusual social distancing. She knew that I needed more help than she could give me dealing with the big feelings left behind by the abuse I suffered for so long. She was the only one that understood that I was dealing with a weight heavier than anything I’d ever tried to carry on my own, that if we weren’t careful that weight could crush me.

My mom died when I was sixteen though, taking the one person that could see through the smiles and into my dying insides. Since then, no one has been able to help me the same way, no one can get inside the haze of self hatred to help me. My brothers, there are six of them, won’t even acknowledge there is a serious problem. I’ve been on my own in the world and in the darkness since I was sixteen. Sure, there have been people that wanted to help, but no one ever sticks around long enough to get past my walls and my trust issues, it just becomes too much of a chore. And I can’t say that I really blame them. I get tired of the shit in my head too. 

People leaving is something I have grown used to. People always leave. Even my abuser chose to leave, not because he got caught or because he suddenly grew a conscience, but because he found someone else to abuse. In his words, someone better than me. I’m almost ashamed that part of me was happy that he stopped hurting me, that he found another little girl to fill my spot. Not that I wanted her to hurt, but I just wanted to stop hurting. Then there is that other part, the part I’m most ashamed of, I was sad and hurt that he chose someone else. It was like I wasn’t good enough because his attention went somewhere else. How screwed up is that?! It has become a trend in my life too, I know I deserve better than the backstabbing friends, the emotionally and sometimes physically abusive men, the lying and cheating bastards who trick me. But what if that’s all I can ever get?

My husband, who I have been with for the last ten years (married nine), doesn’t even know the extent of my deep, dark hole because I have learned my lesson in the past, if he knew too much he would leave too. My brothers choose not to know what’s going on, but even if I did tell them, they would get the lite version. I do not want to be a burden, especially to those I love. 

My mom was the glue that held our family together. She was the reason we had relationships with our grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Since she passed, I’ve rarely talked to the extended members of my family. None of them know just how screwed up I am and I am never going to tell them. The stigma of mental illness is like a glaring sign in front of me, don’t tell them because they will look at you differently. There was a lot of drama surrounding my mom’s death too, which didn’t help the fragile state of our relationships. My brothers (the two oldest were hers, the rest belong to my dad) and I talk but it’s never about anything important. Well, except the one time I had to have surgery because I felt they needed to know in case I didn’t wake up. We never go too deep. It’s more like hey, how ya doing? We miss you. How are the kids? The husband? Okay, talk to you in a few months. The few times I have broached the subject with any one of my brothers about my therapy sessions, it’s always why are you going to therapy? You don’t need therapy. Life is not that hard. Our family (both sides of it, my mom’s and my dad’s) doesn’t believe in going to a stranger to fix our problems. Must be that machismo thing. Filipinos and Mexicans both suffer from it. After that though, the conversation gets too uncomfortable. They don’t want to hear the dirty details of my trauma, and I don’t really like telling them about it anyway. First, it’s embarrassing as hell and second, I’m worried about what they might think.

That’s not so much the depression but the anxiety. I worry about everything all the time. I’m worried if I’m doing something wrong. I’m worried if I’m going to say the wrong thing. I’m worried if someone is going to take something I say or do the wrong way and hate me forever. I’m worried if I’ll be about to say the right thing. I’m worried if today is the day that I wake to find that my husband has left because he decided I am too messed up to deal with. I’m worried that my children will see beyond the happy facade I try to put up mostly for their benefit. I’m worried that everyone will see me for the fraud I am, I’m not good enough but I have gotten good at faking it. What happens when Dorothy looks behind the curtain to realize the wizard is just a man? What happens when they figure out that I’ve been lying to them for the last twenty years? I do everything for him, even the simplest tasks seem to fall on my shoulders. I give everything I can to being a good mom, and I feel like I fall short every day. Every time I raise my voice to my thirteen year old daughter who has been my rock since she was born, every time I snap at my ten year old son who has ADHD, I prove that I was not cut out for this mom thing. My kids are missing out on the childhood they deserve, the kind of childhood their peers have because I can’t function like other parents. My anxiety in large groups, hell my anxiety outside of my bed, my safe zone, keeps me from taking them to do fun things or even going to the park. It’s hard to enjoy an outing when I always feel like someone is out to get me, when it’s really my mind trying to beat me down. I try to be a good friend, but my family gets most of me, I have little patience and I’m irritable so much of the time, it doesn’t take much to set me off. I try to be a good sister but there is a lot of resentment there and even more worry about how they are going to react to something I say. I don’t know if they want to talk to me, I don’t know if they only do to appease some familial obligations. I don’t know that they even like me most of the time. I know they love me, we’re family, we share blood, of course they love me. But if we didn’t share DNA would they even talk to me?

Depression and anxiety are very real. They may not look all that bad because those who suffer from them are Emmy-worthy actors. Most days, I’m smiling and look happy, laughing my butt off so much that I’ve been nicknamed Giggles at work, I constantly have people commenting on how often I smile. So much so, they notice when I don’t. On the inside though, I’m exhausted and just want to give up. To be perfectly honest, if it weren’t for my daughter I would have been dead at eighteen. She saved my life. My kids are my everything, they are the only reason I get out of bed every day to fight a new fight with my demons. They are the only reason I go to work every day. They are the only reason I eat dinner every night, because I need to feed them. They are the only reason I get in the shower every night before bed, because I need to set a good example for them. The are the only reason I force myself to act like a functioning human being. Because let’s be serious, that’s all it really is, I’m acting. Day in and day out, I pretend that I wasn’t abused for so much of my childhood, I pretend that the pain of losing the one person I could count on in the world isn’t killing me every day, I pretend that the people who have given up on me didn’t chip away at what was left of my mangled heart, I pretend that I’m happy and that my mind doesn’t constantly wonder if those around me would be better off if I was dead.

My therapists and psychiatrists always look at me funny when I say that. Well, I don’t know how your children could be better off without you in this world. That devil I mentioned earlier? She is damn good at justifying just about anything. I’m screwing them up, I’m not a good mom anyway, they’d be better off with someone else raising them. Now, I do have an angel to match that devil sitting on the opposite shoulder, but she looks and sounds a lot like my mom instead of me. She is much quieter and only speaks up when the devil seems to be winning. Which I have to say hasn’t happened as much as it used to since my babies came into this world. The angel tells me that I have to fight for my kids’ sake, til the bloody fucking end if necessary. I can’t leave them with the memory of my suicide. As shitty a mom as I am, I am still their mother and they love me. If I kill myself, I would hurt them and I refuse to do that if I can help it. 

My depression maybe not look like yours, or his, or even hers, but it is a very real thing. I can’t just blink or wiggle my nose and make it all disappear. I’m not just being dramatic or seeking attention. I’m tired of pretending that I’m not broken on the inside because the people around me are uncomfortable with it. I’m sorry but just imagine what it’s like to live in my head for a moment. On the outside, I’m cool, calm even and inside, I’m wondering if I’m good enough, if the person I’m talking to is waiting for me to shut the hell up so they can walk away. I’m wondering if they’re laughing at me, storing up details to retell to others later. I’m wondering if I’m going to look down on my funeral and see them there grieving for me. I wonder all the time if I’m going to die alone because I’m not enough for the people who are supposed to love me. I’m wondering if I should just go kill myself and save the people I love the burden of dealing with me. I carry these thoughts and feelings of inadequacy with me every moment of every day. The devil on my shoulder tells me every day, multiple times a day that I won’t be missed and she is so convincing that I believe her. But then the angel is there to remind me of the babies I brought into this world and how much they still need their mama. 

It’s a constant battle in my head, for every demon I slay there are three more to replace it. Constant noise and racing thoughts in my head that I can’t always control. I’m pretty good at keeping that control, but every now and then my grip slips and the proof of this illness is there for everyone to see. Oh, you’re just having a bad day, right? Except, it’s so much more than that. It’s one of those hard days where I’m not strong enough to beat the demons back. It’s like I have a bunch of marbles under a cup, I can keep them in line while I have the cup and everything is good, I can pretend that I’m normal, I can smile and laugh like I’ve never had a problem in my life. But sometimes my demons are stronger than me, they knock the cup from my hands and my marbles go in every direction and I have to figure out how to corral them back under the cup before I completely lose my shit. Sometimes, I’m just so tired of fighting my demons and I was to give in, I want to let them rip me to shreds. Sometimes, I crave the peace I would get from death. Maybe, just maybe, if I’m dead I will finally be able to breathe, to rest.

I’m sorry this was so much. I’m sorry that I shared more than any of you probably wanted to know about me. But if you know someone with depression, reach out to them. Especially at times like these, they may do a good job of hiding it, but I’ll bet their struggling. You don’t have to fix them, just let them know that they’re not alone in this big, scary place. I don’t need anyone to fix me, I don’t need anyone to fight my demons for me, but it’d be nice to have someone to hold my hand through the darkness. Imagine being on a roller coaster and the scariest part of the ride takes you through a dark tunnel. I just need someone to hold my hand through the tunnel. I just want someone there to let me know I’m not alone. Because no matter how many people suffer from the same condition, no matter how many people tell you that they’re there for you if you need them, it doesn’t feel like it. Don’t talk about it, be about it. Don’t just say you’ll be there for someone, show up. Hold their hand, let them cry on your shoulder, feed them junk food, talk about silly things just to get their minds off it, take them for an adventure even if they don’t want to go. Just be there.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading. <3

[maree-ff]

Adjustments

[CAMILA]

Walking through the classroom door I hit the lights, taking in the flashbacks of my last day at work before going on leave. This transition back into the working field after really getting to know my newborn baby won’t be easy. This morning it took me 45 minutes just to put the baby down so I could get ready for the day. Andre did not pester me or make commentary on my behavior.  I think he was mute for quite a few reasons but only one stands out the most. He’s become an extremely compassionate person. Andre watched over and cared for me from the moment he came home up until now. He knows how attached I’ve become to our new baby and getting acquainted with motherhood once again. Which is why leaving this morning was a major heartache for me. Pregnancy became that much lifelike with him around to soak up the last few months alongside me. Not to forget about how nurturing, strong and level headed he was while I was going through labor.

“Mrs. Reese?” A tender voice spoke out from behind me.

I squealed initially and spilled some of my tea on the floor. The sting from the water against the tops of my feet made me tear up but I didn’t release them. Spinning around slowly I made eye contact with one of my quietest students.

“Good morning, Lee. How are you?” I asked him.

“I’m okay. Sorry if I scared you. I didn’t mean to.” He said timidly.

I assured him that I’m fine and that he didn’t scare me. I don’t have the heart to tell this sweet boy that he did in fact scare the hell out of me. My classroom isn’t even filled yet and I already feel that my nerves are getting the better of me. 

---------  --------

Time seems to be moving at a rather fast pace now. Half of the day is already gone and I received my routine visits from both Zoe and Kenja. Seeing them reminded me of Jorden and although the sadness returned, the girls put a smile on my face.

After recess was over, I pushed through the remainder of my lesson by forcing my sadness deep down inside. My students don’t deserve any inconsistency in their education. The minute the bell rang out, my room alongside neighboring classrooms and hallway were instantly filled with noise. Standing from my desk I removed my cardigan, set it on top of my laptop, and went around the room for a sweep.

“Mrs. Reese?!” I turned around on my heels with three pencils, a notebook, and halfway zipped pencil pouch in hand. I moved so quickly I dropped half of what I was holding.

“Dammit..” I cursed under my breath at my clumsiness and bent down to pick up the items. “What’s the matter Claudia?” I asked.

“I still can’t read the big clock.” She whined.

Going over to her desk I assisted her in gathering her things and talked her through the review lesson on time we went over today. My fill-in for the last few months has really done a great job on staying up on the lesson plan I set up for my kids. Even at home, carrying Jorden to full term I still made sure my babies here at school were taken care of. From what the substitute told me, Claudia is still struggling to read time. I went as far as writing her parents a note explaining to them what exactly Claudia is having issues with.

Once Claudia felt confident that she will get the hang of this lesson, I sat down at my desk to read everyone’s journal entries. There was complete silence in my room until I heard feet closing in on my position. Still focused on these journal entries I picked up my favorite pen and highlighter, going in with this editing.

“Mama, you coming home late today?” 

My head turned to the left and when I saw Zoe standing in the doorway I dropped my pen. I turned around in my chair, stood up and went over to where she stood. With her wrapped up in my arms I felt this sensational urge to weep but our location prevented that. 

“I missed you, my love.” I sniffled. Even after a long day of playing and running around, Zo still smells like home. 

“But I came to visit you two times today. Mom, are you okay?” She asked. The concern in her voice tickled me red. 

Scaling back from our hug I walked her to my desk so I could sit back down. 

“Mommy..what’s wrong? Why do you look so sad?” She questioned with a little more authoritative tone. 

“I’m not sad, Zo. I’m really tired but I’m not sad. And no I’m not coming home late. In fact..” taking a breather I stood up and began gathering my belongings. “Wanna take a trip with me? We can surprise daddy and Kenny with something they’ll both love.” I know that enticing children is a horrible parenting tactic. Especially since I get on Andre, all the time, about spoiling them with material things. However the incentive for her to come home with me is baked goods. 

“Can we go to Ann Marie? Please mom? Say that we can go, please!” Zoe began to guilt trip me about the last time we were supposed to go to the bakery. Together we left the school grounds after I received confirmation that Divya picked up Kenja this afternoon. The drive into downtown LA was an absolute mess. Cars and pedestrians at every turn, not to mention it began to rain just as Zo and I made it inside the shop. 

“Mommy..the umbrella.” Zoe complained, standing close to me. 

“We’ll be alright love bug. I’ll cover you with my jacket before we walk out. Tell me what you want.” I said to her. I granted Zoe the pleasure of getting her favorite muffin and a small cake just for her. I was sure to get Kenja’s and her daddy’s  favorite treats as well. When it came time for me to pick something I froze. 

My drastic change in diet has really hindered my food palate. I chose many months ago to eat to live. I chose to nourish my body with food from the earth not only for my benefit but for my little boy too. 

“If you’re struggling with the main menu we do have a specialty menu you can look at.” The girl behind the counter spoke up. 

“Yes, I’d like to see that one. Thank you.” Accepting a laminated booklet with all kinds of alternatives I felt my eyes widen. “I’ll be damned.” I chuckled quietly. 

“Can I see? I want to look too, mom.” Zoe quizzed frantically. 

Squatting down to her level I read off some goods that caught my eye. Thanks to Zoe I picked out more sweet treats than I bargained for. The girl boxed up our food beautifully and then we went home. The rain lightened up just as I got settled behind the steering wheel. My eye caught the brightest rainbow I’ve seen since the day of my mother’s funeral. 

“It’s grandma and her special rainbow, mommy, look.” Zoe said. 

“Yeah baby, I see it too. It’s pretty right?”

“Uh huh.” She mumbled 

Choking back a mass in my throat I discreetly thanked my mother for the sign of good faith.

——--  ——--

“Alright, all done.” I yawned. Setting down Kenja’s brush and spray bottle I hung my head low with my eyes closed. My body began to sway and when I felt the cushion of her bed underneath my head I remained still. 

“You can sleep here, I don’t mind..” 

I opened one eye up to see Kenja taking the braid out of my hair. A weak smile and airy chuckle later I felt a presence nearby. Shifting slightly I felt my spirit come back to life. Here Andre stands in the doorway of the room with the baby cradled in his arms. I’ve been home tending to the girls for over an hour and I’ve yet to lay eyes on my baby. 

“Is he asleep?” I yawned again, making the girls and Andre laugh. 

“Same state that you’re in now. Come on..” he encouraged me. 

I rose slowly from Evelyn’s bed and stood on my feet even slower. I’m worn out beyond measure. This first day back was brutal on my body. Turning around on my feet I went to tuck the girls into their beds. It’s getting to that time of night where I have to flip the switch in my brain. I tended to my kids and students all day so now is my time to end my night with my best friend and our bundle of joy. 

“Good night my loves, I love you girls so much and don’t ever forget that.” I passed my love to the girls and left the room, stripping out of second change of clothes. I swapped the sweats and hoodie for one of my robes and sat down at the edge of the bed. Andre passed the baby to me and when I laid my sights on him I let the tears go. Too many hours have passed since I’ve held and loved on my little boy. “I missed you so much baby. So so much.” I whispered to him, smothering his face in warm kisses. 

“I can already tell how your first day back went.” Andre voiced, adjusting the temperature in the room.

Sighing tiredly, I crossed my legs and laid back against the bed. “I missed the two of you so much. Being here was all I could think about. The girls came to visit as usual and that really helped. Anyway, how was your day?”

“Quiet. I didn’t take him anywhere. We just hung out around the house. I let him sleep after you left and surprisingly he was knocked out for five hours straight.” Andre stretched out beside me, removing my earrings and my eyelashes. “Why are you still playing around with these? You have beautiful eyelashes that don’t deserve to be covered up.” 

Smiling from the pit of my belly I felt my body tremble at his passive aggressive attempt to poke fun at me. Andre is the most supportive man I know but when I toy with different makeup looks and tools he gets a kick out of making commentary. 

“I like to switch things up, Dre. You know that. I guess you’re right though, they are quite uncomfortable.” Peering at my baby I lifted my hand to stroke his cheek. 

“Switch with me. Go get ready for bed because it’s getting late and you need to rest.” He and I traded places, granting me the peace and quiet I’ve been yearning for all day. Lifting my head toward the shower head I embraced the pounding water, pushing my hair back. 

“Mmm…” I groaned. “Hahh…” my mind is slipping between reality and a dreamland. Life has been gracious to me and so has the Lord. Life has also been cruel to me on numerous occasions. The spattering water against the floor and my feet reminded me of the waterfalls in Puerto Rico. 

“Camila,” I heard over the water. 

“Yeah?” Turning around I leaned forward to let the water penetrate my back muscles. “That feels so good, mm..” 

“I’m just checking on you. Go on with your shower, I’m not going anywhere.” He snickered. “Can I ask you something babe?”

Rolling my eyes I began to take this shower seriously. “Of course.” 

“How are those stitches treating you?” 

Andre mentioning the most painful part of labor and delivery struck a nerve. I truly felt like I was dying when I felt my skin rip apart. “Umm..” as I rinsed the suds from my body I took a seat and delicately fanned my fingertips over my stitches. Even the slightest touch still raises the hair on my body and brings me discomfort. 

“Cam, what’s wrong baby, talk to me..” I jumped at the sound of Andre’s voice and stabbed myself with my fingernail. 

“Crap..” I shuddered. “It’s healing...slowly but surely. Did you get the pain meds I asked for? Along with everything else?” Sighing in defeat I wiped away the tears and sped up this shower. Stepping out I accepted the towel from Andre’s hand. “Gracias.” I smiled. 

“Always and yes I have everything that you asked for. Everything alright in there?” He smirked. 

“The stitches still haven’t dissolved and I stabbed myself. I’m okay I promise but I’m still not-”

Andre stroked the crown of my head and bent forward to kiss my cheek. “Camila, I know how much pain you’re still in.” He began. 

Gulping down the slight formation of bile I looked him in the eye. 

“I care about your health and well-being beyond my sexual needs and desires. I care about your sexual needs and desires before mine, you know that too. I was there behind you, watching you bring this little boy in the world. Meaning that I will never forget how difficult it must’ve been for you. We will get back to our old selves in time. I’m not rushing nor am I growing impatient.” 

I felt the corners of my mouth turn up. “Thank you for all that you do. Your patience and commitment is unmatched.” I said genuinely. 

If I want to have a healthy state of mind I’ve got to refocus. With Andre taking unexpected time off to be home with Jorden, this is the break I need to reinvent Camila Maree. 

[khhunniewriting]

Dile Que Tu Me Quieres

“You two are still together?” your mother asked, the sour look on her face only became more pronounced by the sigh she gave shortly after. “When will you come to your senses Y/N? A boy like that is only going to break your heart.”

“I know mom,” your sigh mimicked hers. You were an adult, able to do as you wished. This is why they didn’t bother to put so much effort into convincing you on a daily basis but they sure did like to try when they were reminded of your situation. “We’ve only been together for days, 821 to be exact,” you deadpanned.

The glare your mother gave showed she was not happy with your smart remark. 

“Any day now he’s going to fuck one of his backup dancers, get into a gang fight, or go broke buying clothes all over the world. Seriously, I’m just waiting for that one dating scandal to teach me my lesson!”

Your mother threw her slipper at you to stop your sarcastic rambling but it only made you laugh. “Don’t raise your voice to your mother, I’m just worried about you and that boy.”

A chill went up your spine once again as you heard your mother call Dean a boy. “Okay mom, first of all, he’s not a boy...he’s a man.”

“Tch,” she clicked her tongue completely ignoring your valid points.

“Second of all he’s a very successful man with a career- and before you cut me off singing is a career.”

Your mother sighed walking away. “There’s no reasoning with you.” She tried to get the last word in but you weren’t one to stand down. 

Even if she was your mother, you stood for facts and reason. Dean was nothing but loyal, kind, and loving since the moment you met him. No one could tell you otherwise. It was you who was always by his side. They didn’t know how he felt or how he made you feel. You were the only person capable of judging whether he was right for you. “I don’t know why you insist on fighting mom.” You gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before grabbing your car keys. “I love you and I love Dean too so deal with it.”

\\\

As soon as you opened the door to your shared apartment Dean came over with a look of concern. “So how did it go?”

You inhaled deeply and exhaled the same, dropping the weight you had been carrying on your shoulders. 

“That bad?” Dean knew all too well that your parents disapproved of him. It hurt him to see you struggle to balance both your relationship and family life. Honestly, he would love to go with you, be right by your side as you visited your parents. He was tired of borrowing you from them- he wanted to share. He held you for a moment letting you decompress.

“I love you.”

Dean cracked a smile at your sudden profession of love. “I love you too.” His hands smoothed over your back and arms as he pulled away. Getting a good look at you made him blush. There was never a day when he didn’t think how lucky he was to have you in his life. 

“What?” you too broke out blushing. “Why are you blushing?”

He hid his face in the crook of your neck unable to face you. “You’re just so...beuatiful.” He muttered the last word. The way you stuck by him, never doubting, showed how real your relationship was. He didn’t want to lose that. “Now tell me what did she say?”

You had almost forgotten the reason you had gone over. All you wanted was to inform your parents that you would be taking Dean along as your plus one to your cousin’s wedding next weekend. “Does it matter?” you shrugged. “I’m taking you with me anyway.” It was obvious your parents had been offing you as a single woman to your relatives. “I’m going to show you off and rub it in all my bitchy cousins’ faces that I am happily taken.” They could all shove their opinions up their asses. You were happy with your private life. They didn’t have to know every detail of your life but you didn’t want the phone to start ringing months later when they found out.

Dean laughed, your determination was as bright as ever. “You know more than anyone how much I love you.” Dean took out a familiar gold ring from his pocket and slid it on your finger. “You forgot this again.”

The opposite hand clutched at your chest as you experienced a mini heart attack. “I DIDN’T-?” you exclaimed, socked. Never in your life had you had a real gold ring, let alone one with diamonds. It was hard adjusting to it. Wanting to take care of it, you would constantly take it off and place it in “safe places” to avoid losing it. “I could have lost it and never known until now.” It didn’t help that you had a full set of midi rings on each hand.

Dean smiled not thinking much about it. “It wasn’t lost. You left it on the tray beside the bathroom sink.” He knew you had probably rushed out of the shower forgetting to get your jewelry. “The necklace is in there too.”

Great, even your specially designed necklace had been left behind. “I’m such a bad girlfriend.” Dean had given it to you on your most recent anniversary. It hardly ever left your neck, the exception being when you showered. 

“You’re not a bad girlfriend...” Dean seemed to defend you. “...You’re just a forgetful fiance.”

Because of Dean’s popularity, the whole engagement had to be kept between you two until he could find a way to get the news out there without some third-party speculation. He wanted to personally announce it- let it all come from him.

The truth was you were pregnant! HIs proposal and your test results came too close together making it difficult to announce without people writing it off like a shotgun wedding. He was too happy to fight with reporters. 

“For our child’s sake, I hope you don’t continue to forget things.”

“What, you think I’ll forget the baby at the hospital or something?” you laughed jokingly. 

He joined in the laughter but very seriously began to wonder what your parents' reaction would be to the news. Thankfully you had yet to show any signs of pregnancy and could put off the worry for a few more months. He, on the other hand, was worried since day one. 

“What’s wrong?” you asked when you saw his smile fade.

“You don’t think me being a singer is-” His lips stopped moving as yours joined his in a soft heartfelt kiss. 

The love would always be there no matter what Dean did for a living. If he continued as a singer into his old age or if he quit and became a hip stay at home dad. You never wanted him to doubt. “Is that a good enough answer?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t hear you.” He slyly countered, “can you repeat it?”

Even if he was playing around you let him have it once more. This time you wrapped your arms around his neck demanding to be carried off like the spoiled queen he taught you to be.

\\\

The wedding went...well. 

Dean was popular with all your relatives aged 30 and down. They didn’t even need to be introduced rather they had to be reminded he wasn’t there as a singer but as your fiance boyfriend. They kept nagging him to sing. You, of course, fought them off trying to keep it a day off for Dean.

Being the greatest person alive, Dean gave in to the bride’s wishes. He assured you it was no problem and that it would “give your parents a chance to see first hand what he did.” 

Your parents had never so much as heard Dean. They were pleasantly surprised when they heard his soft melodic voice fill the event venue. Because of his tattoos, fancy clothes, and common misconceptions of hip-hop singers they had painted him differently. 

It was funny to see your father’s frown of approval. It was hard to hear them but you were sure he had said something along the lines of “not bad” to your mother.

He rejoined you after taking a few pictures. “That was interesting...” he gave you a peck on the cheek as he took his seat beside you once more. “Your little cousin, the flower girl, she asked me to call a classmate and tell her it was really me in the picture she posted on Instagram.”

You were a fit of giggles as he explained the situation. 

“I didn’t know children could be so thorough.” The classmate practically gave him an over-the-phone interview to confirm his identity. 

“Children are more advanced nowadays.”

He couldn’t agree more. What grade-schooler had an iPhone and multiple social media profiles? As he learned today, many. Dean had to admit he was a bit worried about his own child. “We can’t give ours a phone until high school.”

You laughed, “deal.”

It wasn’t until a few months later that Dean broke the news about your engagement and subsequent pregnancy. That’s when Dean was invited to your parent’s house for the first time ever.

“Time to face the music I suppose.” Dean held your hand as he helped you out of the car.

“Should be easy.” You couldn’t resist but joke about it. “You are a singer after all.” The free hand rubbed your protruding belly. Finally, a sign of your child was given to you. Dean had worried every day since the announcement. There were so many comments being made.

“People will always talk. I’m sure many of your true fans will still love you and make up for those who wish to see us fail and become unhappy.”

“I’m not really worried about the fans.”

“Good because I’m not really worried about them either. Same goes for anyone else.” His eyes looked at you intently, waiting for you to put him at ease with your sweet words. “I love you and that’s all that matters.”

“I love you too,” he grinned. Instinctively, he had to kiss you for confessing your love to him.

“Haters can fight me.”

The idea of you fighting anyone, with your barely being able to make it through the day, was comical. Even if the baby had yet to grow significantly you were lethargic and suffered from swollen feet. Most days you ended up napping three to four times a day. Nonetheless, he was a supportive husband. “No one stands a chance.”

-end-

A/N: Yes, the title is in Spanish but the fic is still in English. I could have translated it but I simply chose to make the title of this fic be the name of the song that inspired it. The song is in Spanish so hence the title.

Dile que tu me quieres by Ozuna

English Translation

[sweethomelima]

See You Again Pt.1 + Pt.2 || Samcedes

Who: Mercedes Jones, Sam Evans Feat. SJ

What: After 8 years of being apart Mercedes returns to Lima with Divorce Papers for Sam.

Where: McKinley High School

Notes: None

They say you can never truly go home again, at least that's what she felt as she walked down the halls of McKinley, her old high school. She didn't want to be there and if her soon to be ex would have signed the papers he sent her, she would be back in L.A. planning her wedding, but as it was, she was here whether she liked it or not. Getting stopped in the hall she smiled as she signed a few autographs. She was a hero of sorts to the kids in this place, she got out and made something of herself. A few of her classmates did the same, she thought her soon to be ex was one of them but he loved the small town life. He loved it so much so that when she was offered a record deal he let her leave and had no intention of following her.

She sighed heavily as she glanced through the door watching him go over sheet music. Sam Evans, the love of her life broke her heart. They had met right here in the choir room when they were students, dated, fell in love and married right after high school.  It was tough at times, her wanting to live her dreams and he just wanting to stay where they were. Eventually her dreams were too big for this small town and she had to choose. She chose to leave he chose to stay and now almost ten years later, he was where he wanted to be, and she, she was world famous, everyone who was anyone knew who she was, and that was great. She could face adoring fans and crowds of people, but as she opened the door and walked in, she realized, facing a 1000 screaming fans was easy. Facing your ex husband who basically abandoned you and your child, that was the hard part.

Sam’s eyes scanned the sheet music which was meant to be for this week’s lesson. He wasn’t the best person to give a lesson on love songs. His own love life had crashed and burned years ago. It might have been naïve to think Mercedes would come back from LA for him, but Sam held on to the hope. She could fly out for her career then come home — to Lima. Then he got the divorce papers which lived happily at the bottom of the drawer in the old desk he’d gotten from his mom. Over the years, they’d been mostly forgotten. He went on dates; he moved on. Mostly. Or not at all.

His lips moved as he read the lyrics printed underneath the staffs. He stumbled over a couple of the words. There was a lot of noise in the hallway. He wondered if it was Sue causing trouble. It usually was. There were footsteps approaching the door, and Sam thought it was one of the kids in glee. They would stop in randomly, for advice or if class was too much for them. “Door’s open,” he called behind him without looking up.

Hearing him tell her that the door was open, she hesitated a moment. What was she going to say to him? What could she say to him? "Hey can i have the divorce papers?" or "Thanks for abandoning your child"? She sighed heavily. It was now or never. Never, I vote never, her heart sang, but she knew she had o do it. Opening the door, she stepped in,  shutting the door behind her. Clearing her throat she walked closer to his desk.

"Sam." She said, not knowing what to add to it.

He heard the door shut and raised a brow. This was never good. Sam couldn’t count the number of times the kids had tried to have him counsel heir drama. They were almost worse than they’d been during his high school years. Almost.

“I’m sure whatever’s going on is —“ he started as he turned around, the words dying on his lips as he saw Mercedes. “Mercedes. Hey. What are you... why are you... hi.”

Mercedes straightened out her above the knee blue dress and leather jacket upon his gaze, she didn't know if he was staring at her because he was shocked or because he was wondering how she changed. Swallowing she nodded.

"Yeah hi... I am here because we need to talk and I figured if I called you of hung up."

Sam nodded slowly. He didn’t get up from where he was sitting, but he did set the papers aside. There wasn’t a time he would have hung up on Mercedes. He was, what most would call, in too deep almost from the moment he saw her for the first time. The feeling hadn’t changed.

“Well, you’ve been busy. Of course we haven’t talked. I get it. I mean, you knew where to find me.” He shrugged. Logically, he shouldn’t be upset but he was.

Mercedes sighed. "Yeah I knew where to find you and now i have." She stepped closer to him, pulling out a set of papers. "I am here because I need you to sign these papers. I will never understand how its been 8 years and you still keep dodging your decisions, but that is neither here nor there. Sign this and I can be on my way." she said placing the folder on his desk.

“My decision?” He was caught off guard by that. “I don’t think you can blame me for this.” Sam took the papers from her and glanced at them. They seemed identical to the ones he had at home. “Why exactly are you giving these to me again? I still have them.”

"Yes your decision Sam, but none of that matters I am giving these to you because you can't seem to get the hint that this is over, I can't stay married to you Sam, hell we have been a part longer than we were married. Just sign the papers and let's go our separate ways." She said placing her hair behind her ears.

“It’s all been your decision.” LA, the divorce, coming back. Sam hadn’t had a say in any of it. “You know I’d do anything for you,” he said softly as he set the papers down on top of the sheet music. “But I won’t do that.”

Mercedes scoffed. "Funny." She moved closer pushing the papers towards him. "Sam I am not playing around right now. I have to go back and get- I have to get back on a flight to L.A. so just sign it and I will be out of your hair."

He licked his dry lips and took the papers back before setting them a little further away. It was far from mature, but he didn’t care. “Yeah. I heard you were getting married. Maybe this one will stick.” He laughed softly. “I don’t have a pen anyway.”

"How did-" She shook her head pulling out a pen, he didn't need to know about her life and she didn't need to know about his, all of this was just drama that she didn't want nor need. "Here use mines."

“Google.” Sam shrugged. There was no reason to deny that he’d looked her up. It wouldn’t make any different. What was she going to do — find him pitiful? It was probably done. He shook his head. “This is stupid. I haven’t changed my mind.”

"Google? Okay fine whatever." At his comment she rolled her eyes and ran her hands through her hair. "God Sam do you have to be so damn stubborn? Still?" Her phone rang and if it wasn't for the fact that it was her sons ringtone she would have ignore it. Turning away from Sam she answered. "Hey Sweetie what's up? What Movie? I mean sure I don't know how much longer I will be here, just tell Grandpa I said go easy on the candy. SJ you better not." She laughed shaking her head as the boy hung up quickly. God he was just like his dad. Turning to Sam she shook her head. "Can we please just do this."

When her phone rang, Sam couldn’t help the rush of bitterness which washed over him. It was likely clear on his face. Grandpa? Okay, that was a little confusing. He swallowed hard. “Who was that?”

Sam asked who it was and she shook her head. "Like you care. Just sign the papers and I can be headed back to L.A. and out of your life for good."

Hadn’t his asking made it clear enough he cared? Fine. If she didn’t want to tell him, she didn’t have to. As much as he wanted to know, she didn’t really owe him anything. Married or not. He shook his head. “Glee is going to start soon,” he said. As if holding this off would make her stop asking. She might not leave Lima until he signed the papers. Why’d he like the idea?

"Well then if Glee is starting soon, maybe you should go ahead and sign the papers. That way I can get out of your hair. Sure you have other things you would rather be doing right now." She said folding her hands across her chest.

A lazy smile spread across Sam’s face. “No, I don’t. I never really have anything I wanna do more than talk to you.” He set the divorce papers to the side and held the sheet music again because he probably did need to get ready.

"Yeah I don't believe that." He  pushed the papers aside and she moved over to him angrily. "Why do you have to be such a jerk right now! I can't believe you right now. Just sign the papers Sam it's not that hard."

“Me? You came to Ohio to yell at me because I didn’t sign your divorce papers!” Sam sighed. “I have to read them over. It’ll take me a while! You know me. Stupid.”

"Stop it! No matter how I feel about you, I won't stand by, and listen to you telling me you are stupid. Joking or not. I came here because you act like its such a big inconvenience. Just sign the papers Sam, make things easier on yourself."

“How is it going to make things easier on me, Mercy?” he asked. “You’re going to get married to some guy who doesn’t...” Doesn’t care about her as much as he does. “Doesn’t matter. Don’t pretend it’s for me.”

He called her Mercy and she frowned, he knew what that nickname did to her.  "Sam," she said softly shaking her head. "Don't do this, you made your decision a long time ago and so did I. Sign the papers, let things go okay?" She moved over to him and sat on the desk next to him.. "Sam what we had, what we shared it was amazing and I don't regret it. But its been 8 years, we aren't the same people we don't live the same life or want the same things. I know you moved on so just sign the papers." She pushed them back looking at him. "Sign them and I will leave."

“I didn’t decide anything,” he mumbled, despite the fact he hadn’t followed her. Maybe it was the decision she made. “I haven’t, you know? I tried, but...” Sam trailed off and went back to scanning the sheet music. “I said I need to read them.”

"Fine." She said standing up. "I will stay during Glee and when the class is over I will sit and wait for you to "read" and then sign them." She said. Now that SJ was going to the movies with her dad she had the time.

Sam raised an eyebrow. “You wanna be a special guest? It’s all about love songs.” The whole town knew about their past. It would be hopelessly ironic if she were there for this lesson. “It’ll take me longer than that. It’s a thick packet.”

Mercedes shrugged. "Never said a guest, I said I will sit back and watch. And as for the papers. It's not the different. You even get some money out of this Sam. because no matter what I wouldn't have made it without you. I am almost up there with Mariah, Beyonce, and Whitney just like you said I would be. Let's end this right Sam and who knows maybe in the future we could be friends again. "

He shrugged. “If you’re gonna be here, would it be fair to deprive the kids?” Sam rolled his eyes. “I don’t want your money! I don’t need it!” In theory, he didn’t. He lived in a shitty apartment with a small dog so he didn’t get too lonely. Which, the more he thought about it, seemed incredibly depressing. He was too proud to accept anything. “Your fiancé know you were married?” Still was.

“Fine I will sing a song, whatever." She sighed. "I know Sam, doesn't mean anything. My Lawyer thought it was fair." She rolled her eyes. "What he knows or doesn't know isn't any of your business."

Sam smiled a little, thankful he had a guest for the class. It was easy to convince Rachel to come. She loved the attention. “I’m glad. I haven’t heard you sing in a while.” Never mind the fact he owned all of her albums. She was close to his top played artist on Spotify. “It’s kind of my business. Legally.”

Mercedes nodded. "Yeah." She ran her hand through her hair again looking at Sam. "He knows I was married and he looks past that. SJ likes him too so that's a bonus." she said before she could stop herself.

“SJ?” Sam didn’t recognize the name. Was he supposed to? “Is that your dog or something? I mean, I’m glad he doesn’t bite your fiancé.” It was a lie.

Mercedes sighed. "SJ isn't my dog." Was she going to tell him? Tell him that the baby was a boy names Samuel Joshua? She swallowed hard. He deserved to know the truth. "SJ is my son. He's 8." Before she could hear Sam's response the school bell rang and soon the door to the choir room opened and a bunch of kids walked in. "Guess it's time to sing."

“Son?” Sam wasn’t much better with math than he was with reading, but eight years meant... he paled, felt like he was going to throw up. He couldn’t show it though. “Uh, we’re doing love songs this week. Here’s Mercedes Jones.” His words were rushed and he moved to sit off to the side and let himself panic however briefly.

She was introduced so fast and Mercedes glanced at the kids in front of her, most of them giggling and laughing taking her picture. She cleared her throat. "Hi guys, I am Mercedes. You gotta bare with me, it's been awhile since I was in this choir room. Sitting in the chairs like you." She cleared her throat. "Love songs are something that will never go out of style. You have those, baby come back love songs, the you give me good love. songs. I mean me when I hear love songs I immediately go to Whitney.  She smiled. "I haven't practiced so bare with me." She said as she began to sing "Saving all my love."

His panicking subsided when she began to sing. Sam found himself relaxing. Something about this felt normal, like they were young again. As she wrapped  up the song, the students began to clap and Sam knew he’d have to lead the class once more. “Um, this week, focus on what love means to you. When I was your age I was... dating Mercedes Jones.” He laughed awkwardly and shook his head. “So. I’m sure you guys all have something going on.”

Mercedes bowed slightly when the kids applauded. Taking a seat when Sam started talking. When he said they had dated some of the kids whistled while some didn't believe him and looked to Mercedes for confirmation. She nodded. "Believe it or not, we did. For a long time."

Sam grinned. “Exactly! There are pictures. I swear.” Wedding photos, one of which he had framed and sitting on his bedside table. He’d lay it flat whenever he planned to bring someone home, a definite mood killer. “And I can think of plenty of songs I would’ve sang to her when I was your age.”

Mercedes smiled. "Glee club was always a place where we could express ourselves. Sam sung to me once or twice, we even had a duet."  She smiled thinking back on Human Nature. Someone yelled for him to sing and she smiled. "Yeah sing for them Sam."

Sam laughed a little. “I don’t really know what I’d sing,” he admitted with a shake of his head. He shook his head and grabbed his guitar. As cheesy as it was, he decided he’d play “This Town” by Niall Horan. It summed up his feelings for her fairly well.

Mercedes swallowed as Sam began to strum the song. She knew it well and knew what those words meant to him. She looked away feeling tears come to her eyes. "God Sam." She said to herself. Once he was finished the kids applauded and Mercedes did as well feeling a little misty eyed.

As he sang, his eyes subconsciously flickered to Mercedes a few times. He wanted to see her reaction. Though, when she looked away, he focused on the class. He wouldn’t think about that. He stood once he was finished and smiled. “So think about what love means to you.”

As the class droned on, she continued watching Sam and his students, it was great seeing him in his element, he was a great teacher and the kids really responded to him. She watched at the kids stood up singing their own love songs. A love triangle had her thinking of Finn, Quinn and Rachel, but she shook that off.

Most of the students performed, though the quieter ones seemed to be putting it off. Sam understood. Hell, some people might not even be dating in high school. As the class wrapped he called out, “It doesn’t have to be romantic love, guys! I love my family more than anything! Think about it!”

Mercedes sat by the piano, and once the class was over, took some pictures and signed autographs as they filed out the room. She looked over at Sam and grabbed her bag. "That was fun, I forgot how much I used to love Glee."

“I get to do this every day!” Sam announced with a grin. It might be simple to a lot of people, but he liked simple. He wouldn’t have fit in in LA Mercedes did. Losing her was the only thing he regretted. “It’s no performing to sold out venues, but it keeps me occupied!”

Mercedes nodded. "Well you are doing a great job with them." She missed Sam, not realizing how much until she was this close to him, but what they had was over, he would never be what she wanted.  "I am staying with my parents for the time being, if you could get the papers to me that would be great."

Sam nodded for a second before asking the question which had been on his mind. “How is your son eight? I mean, nine months plus eight years...” She was still here then.

Mercedes looked at him and shook her head. "Seven and a half months, SJ was early, and he just turned 8. What? Surprised I didn't get rid of it? I told you when I found out I was already four months. But it doesn't matter."

She had told him she was having a baby? His baby? When did this happen? “I’m pretty sure I would have remembered that, Mercedes!

"I am not doing this with you Sam, like I said, sign the papers and I will be out of your hair, you can go back to your life the way you wanted."

“This isn’t the way I wanted! Can you just — why didn’t you tell me you were having my kid? My phone numbers the same as it has been!”

"I did tell you! You are the one who didn't care!" she said, she was angry, she was hurt and she didn't want to feel that way anymore.

“I would not have forgotten that!” There were likely better places to do this. Anyone could walk in. Of course, he doubted she would go anywhere with him unless he signed the divorce papers, something he was pointedly not doing. “Mercedes, you know me! Are you seriously going to believe I would abandon a kid?” Overall, Sam thought he was a pretty good guy. A little goofy, but a good guy.

"I didn't think you would, until I saw it with my own eyes." Tears filled her eyes as she turned away from Sam. "I thought when you found out you would come for us, come to us but instead." She shook her head. "it doesn't matter Sam." she said sadly as she wrapped her arms around herself willing herself not to cry over him, over this, not again.

He shouldn’t reach out to lay his hand on her shoulder but he couldn’t help it. Sam just wanted to be close to her. “I didn’t know... don’t — I didn’t know!” Why did she think he knew about this and walked away?

He touched her and her body betrayed her, it went weak at his touch and she cried. She turned towards him, just wanting to be in his arms but not going to him. She stared at him tears falling. "I don't I can't." she said not being able to speak anymore.

Wrapping his arms around her felt natural for Sam. He let out a soft sigh. He didn’t know what to say. Mercedes seemed to truly believe he’d known, but he couldn’t figure out why. There was no call, no voicemail, no anything!

As he wrapped his arms around her she did the Sam, giving in to his touch and laid her head on his shoulder holding him tightly as she did so many times before.

Sam concentrated on the rhythm of her breathing and let his eyes slip shut. For a moment, he could pretend things hadn’t changed — pretend he wasn’t ignoring the divorce papers she’d brought, like she wasn’t only here to make her next marriage possible.

Her breathing showed as she was in his arms, her heart speeding up as she took in his scent. God it was so long ago since a man made her heart race like this. She pulled away looking at him, seeing not the cold heartless man she knew he was but the man he was so long ago.

Meeting her eyes, he didn’t know what to think. There was a part of him which thought, knew, she hated him. Sam didn’t know how she’d come to the conclusion and he couldn’t figure out how to change it.

Being close to him again, it brought everything back. The love, the closeness. She couldn't take it, take the want to kiss him, knowing how much it hurt to be with him, how much he hurt her. She pulled away from him. "I should go."

He wanted to keep holding on to her, but she clearly had other plans. Sam cleared his throat. “Yeah, um. Yeah. Yeah. I get it. You have... other things to do. Call our son.”

Mercedes sighed. "Look maybe you weren't ready, maybe you didn't understand but I told you." She said softly. Looking at him she could see the sadness in his eyes. "Here." she said picking up her phone and scrolling. She stopped on the picture. "Samuel Joshua. Thats his name or SJ for short."

“You didn’t tell me,” Sam mumbled. He would have been ready. He’d been ready in high school to watch Stevie and Stacey. Why wouldn’t he be ready for his own kid? It wasn’t worth arguing when he saw the picture on her phone. He gently took it from her hand.  “Fuck, he’s... beautiful. Is that weird?” People said it about babies and to him, SJ — Samuel Joshua — was one.

"No its not weird, he was a beautiful baby, he has your eyes. And reminds me of you all the time." She sighed taking her phone back.

He clenched his jaw. “Yeah. Why didn’t you... bring him?” Probably because she was convinced he didn’t want to see him for whatever reason she’d come to the conclusion.

Mercedes sighed.  "I thought about it, I just didn't want him to be met with disappointment."

“I love kids,” Sam said softly, gesturing around the room as if working with teens was comparable to being near an eight year old. “That’s — that’s about how old the kids were when I had to watch them while my parents worked!”

Mercedes sighed. She ran her hands through her hair, was she really about to do this? "Look my dad has a conference tonight so after I get home he and my mom are leaving why don't you come over and meet him, kinda like old time except we won't be fooling around in my room."

Sam nodded slowly. “Yeah, I can do that...” He assumed it would work best since he figured her parents had the same view on him as Mercedes did.

Mercedes nodded. "Okay, well bring the papers with you." She nodded before walking out of the room before she changed her mind.

[ timeskip ]

Sam couldn’t remember a time he had been this nervous. He sat in his car outside of the Jones’ house for a few minutes as he tried to calm down. It was more difficult than he would have thought. He eventually had to give up on it and headed to the door. He rang the bell, shifting from place to place. There was a box of Avengers’ legos he definitely hadn’t had lying around unopened. It would be nice to give to SJ, right? Who didn’t like the avengers?

Mercedes had been nervous, but was she nervous to see Sam again, or was it because he was meeting SJ for the first time. She wanted to believe it was all about SJ but she wasn't sure. Taking the Lasagna out of the over, she looked over to the couch. "SJ go wash your hands for dinner." she said, he hesitated for a moment but then did what she asked. When the bell rang, she smoothed down the dress she wore earlier, this time just without the jacket and ruffled her hair. She stopped shaking her head, what was she doing? Opening the door she smiled softly. "Hey Sam." she moved letting him in. "SJ can you come here please?"

Sam stood awkwardly on the doorstep, deciding not to step inside until he actually met her son. Their son. It was a weird concept to get used to. He was a ... father. Not a dad because he hadn’t been there at all, but a father.

SJ ran to the room, the little sandy blond curly headed boy with his mother's smile and his fathers eyes look at her. "Yes ma'am." Mercedes smiled. "SJ there is someone I want you to meet. This is Sam." SJ smiled. "My name is Sam too."

He swore his heart stopped when he saw the little boy. Sam could see the resemblance she was talking about. He could also see so much of Mercedes in him. “Hi. That’s pretty cool... um, good name. I brought legos?” Had he ever sounded this awkward? He looked towards Mercedes for assistance.

"Cool!!" SJ said at the legos, he grabbed them and walked away. "Hey!" Mercedes said and then SJ turned around. "Sorry. Thank you...wanna play?"

“Yeah!” That, Sam could do. He smiled a little at Mercedes as he followed the young boy. “So... what do you like to do?” He looked back to Mercedes, as if expecting her to follow.

Mercedes watched SJ leave Sam into the living room and instead of following them, she shut the door and finished dinner. She looked in on them as SJ smiled towards Sam and told him how much he liked video games and comic books.

When Mercedes didn’t follow, Sam found himself awkwardly standing near SJ. The more the boy talked, the more he found they had in common. He didn’t think he’d ever been so glad to have things in common with someone. “I have to agree, Miles Morales is the best Spider-Man, but I’m old and I liked Peter Parker!”

Mercedes walked in on the tail end of the conversation and smiled. "Did you tell Sam we were watching In to the Spider Verse tonight?" She said shaking her head. "Dinner's ready if you are hungry."

“That’s awesome!” Sam said, voice having gone from nervous to genuine. He wasn’t going to ask to stay, at least not yet. “You know me. I’m always hungry.”

Mercedes nodded. "Well we were going to eat and watch the movie, you can stay, won't hurt for you to hang with SJ before we leave for L.A. again." She said turning back towards the kitchen to make the plates. "SJ, grab some silverware for the three of us please." "Okay" he said jumping up.

Before they left. Right. They were still going to leave. Sam shook his head. “Yeah. If you want me to stay, I will.”

Mercedes shrugged, it wasn't about her. "I mean it's up to you not me."

“No, I’m going to spend as much time with both of you as I can,” he said simply.

Mercedes sighed, she didn't like the way he said that. As the night progressed it was hard not to fall back into the old patterns they had. By the time Into The Spider Verse was over, SJ had convinced them to watch both Infinity War and Endgame on the Firestick. After a few hours Mercedes awoke to a black tv screen. SJ was sleep on her lap and she was laying on Sam, his arm around her shoulder. When had they gotten that comfortable? She tried to sit up without waking either of them but in trying not to move SJ, she nudged Sam.

Things felt normal and Sam knew better than to let himself get used to this. He certainly shouldn’t have fallen asleep during the movie. He didn’t realize he had until something bumped into him. Someone. Mercedes. Right. He looked at her for a moment. “Uh, sorry. I should go.”

Mercedes gently moved SJ off her lap and laid him on the other side of the couch. She ruffled her hair looking at her phone for the time. That's when she realized she had four missed calls. Had she just not heard the phone? Looking at Sam she nodded. "Yeah I am sorry I don't even know how we got to sleep." She glanced at SJ. "I am glad you got to see him though."

Sam stood, awkward for the second time that night. “Yeah, it’s fine. It was... it was nice. I had a really good time.” He leaned down and hugged her quickly before he lost nerve. After a smile, he walked out the door. It wasn’t until he was on the doorstep that it struck him the divorce papers were at home. Oh well. Mercedes hadn’t remembered either.

[girlwithglasses1245]

Um so yeah.

I got a new chromebook which is legit one of the best investments I’ve made in quite a while. One problem, I don’t remember my newer tumblr password and email I had set up for my happy new account. So I am stuck here with an older tumblr I made years upon years ago. I was browsing through some of the archive posts and ugh was I whiny little pain in the butt complaining about such stupid things. Anyways! I thought it might be kinda fun perhaps to do a survey that I did in 2013, yes 2013 oh my that seems ages ago. My plan is to have my original answer on top followed by the 2019 answer below it. Because why not? Here we go!

1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? The closet must be closed! Still closed please.

2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? Sometimes. Not as often as I used, because I honestly don’t ever use it. lol

3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? Out? In because that’s how Dan likes it. 

4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before? No. Nope. 

5: Do you like to use post-it notes? Sometimes. Sure, I leave Dan random notes in the morning if I wake up first. 

6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? I get coupons but sometimes I don't use them. Haha my above answer tells me two things I wasn’t worried about money in 2013 and I didn’t probably understand the question. So yeah, sometimes that will happen when they expire before I get the chance to use them.

7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? Neither sound great so I guess a big bear sounds more interesting. I’ll agree with my 2013 answer. 

8: Do you have freckles? I have some. Last I checked I am the same girl, so I have some. 

9: Do you always smile for pictures? Usually. Sure, unless I am being told otherwise. 

10: What is your biggest pet peeve? I have two major ones, people snapping gum and not messaging someone back. Snapping gum is still up there and people slurping soup obnoxiously. 

11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk? Not really. Um not physically, but my phone does. Thanks Google Fit!

12: Have you ever peed in the woods? Nope. Still no.

13: What about pooped in the woods? Again nope. Still no lol.

14: Do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing? Yeah. Of course!

15: Do you chew your pens and pencils? Not usually, but sometimes I'll chew on a pen. Still sometimes I will chew a pen. 

16: How many people have you slept with this week? Zero. One.

17: What size is your bed? Queen. Queen, but now I share it with Dan. 

18: What is your Song of the week? Runaway- iio. Goodness I have no idea. 

19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink? Yeah.  Since when are certain colors unacceptable for certain people? I like that answer. Good job 2013 Christina. :)

20: Do you still watch cartoons? I don’t really watch a lot of TV. Nope. 

21: Whats your least favorite movie? I am not really big on the Hunger Games. Still accurate or scary movies would be an accurate answer. 

22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? Wait…why would I want to bury hidden treasure. Dan’s safe?

23: If you’re a girl, bra size? If you’re a guy, pants size? 34 B 32-34 B depends on the bra. lol

24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in? Plain or honey mustard. I like those previous answers, but I do sometimes like BBQ. 

25: What is your favorite food? Some type of chicken with a bread coating. Chicken and dumplings from Cracker Barrel with carrots and green beans! 

26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love? Love and Other Drugs, Crazy Stupid Love, Easy A, Something Borrowed. So chick flicks I guess. Crazy Stupid Love is still in my top favorite movies ever. 

27: Last person you kissed/kissed you? Jeffrey. Eww I am sorry 2013 Christina that sucks. Anyways, Dan!

28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout? I was girl scout back in the day. Still a true statement. 

29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? Eh I don't know. I am no model, so no.  30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? On paper?  A while ago. I write Dan little notes in the mornings sometimes. Does that count? 31: Can you change the oil on a car? Nope. Still nope.  32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket? Surprisingly no. Warning, yes. lol 33: Ever ran out of gas? Close, but no. Nope!

34: Favorite kind of sandwich? Turkey and swiss with spinach toasted.  Grilled cheese!

35: Best thing to eat for breakfast? French Toast or Waffles. French Toast sounds lovely. 

36: What is your usual bedtime? Unpredictable. Still accurate, but now it depends on if Dan is around or not.  37: Are you lazy? More than some would think. I can be.  38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? I don’t even know. Probably a princess.  39: What is your Chinese astrological sign? I believe I am a sheep. Correct.  40: Are you horny? No. Not really.  41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions? No. Yep, Cosmo. And it’s annoying they send out the following month way too early all the time.  42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs? I could care less. Still true. 

43: Are you stubborn? I some ways. Kinda.  44: Who is better…Leno or Letterman? Letterman. Still true hence why Letterman is still on the air? 45: Ever watch soap operas? Sometimes Spanish ones with Rach and her roommates. Nope. 46: Are you afraid of heights? Not as much. What kinda of answer was that back then? lol. Anyways, no height fear really.    47: Do you sing in the car? All the time. Duh, gotta keep it fun.  48: Do you sing in the shower? Not really. I hum though. Still true.  49: Do you dance in the car? Yeah. That’s probably not safe… Hahaha still guilty of that.  50: Ever used a gun? Nope, I want to do it sometime though just to say I shot a gun. Hahaha 2013 would never have thought I’d say I am pretty fucking accurate with an AR-15.  51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Does summer count? Jen took my picture. Christmas of 2015 lol. 52: Do you think musicals are cheesy? Some can be. Usually.  53: Is Christmas stressful? Not really, but this year I’ll be working the holiday season so we shall reassess. Nope. I love Christmas.  54: Ever eat a pierogi? Had to look that up.  Yes, I have I think my friend Elly introduced me to them. Yeah, not my type of thing.  55: Favorite type of fruit pie? Cherry or Dutch Apple.  56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Teacher. I don’t know anymore and I am 27. Oops.  57: Do you believe in ghosts? Eh debatable. Sure. 58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Many times. I had one just the other day. Yeah I had one the other day. Wait that’s funny that was my reply before.  59: Take a vitamin daily? I take multivitamins. I still do, but currently out. lol 60: Wear slippers? Nah. Barefoot is preferred.  61: Wear a bath robe? Rarely. Unless I am super cold. Nah. 62: What do you wear to bed? Yoga pants and a t-shirt. T-shirt and panties. lol 63: First concert? Paramore. Still true. 

64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Target, but Wal-Mart is closer. Target.  65: Nike or Adidas? I don’t care. Under Amour? 66: Cheetos Or Fritos? Eh…neither. Haha still good answer.  67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Sunflower seeds since I can’t do peanuts. Neither. 

68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? No? What? 69: Ever take dance lessons? I did a few times. Did I? Hmm sure okay. I did in the past.  70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Lawyer. Business owner.

71: Can you curl your tongue? Yes. Yep! 72: Ever won a spelling bee? Never participated. Nope I am not very good at spelling complicated stuff.  73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy? It has happened on occasion. Sure. 74: Own any record albums? No. Nope. 75: Own a record player? No. Nope. 76: Regularly burn incense? No. Nope. 77: Ever been in love? Yes. Yes.  78: Who would you like to see in concert? Matchbox Twenty, Google Dolls, Drake, Justin Timberlake, The Weekend, Linkin Park, The XX, and many more. I know weird mix there. Drake? 79: What was the last concert you saw? Grad night, Paramore. Same.  80: Hot tea or cold tea? I prefer cold tea. Ice tea!  81: Tea or coffee? Coffee, but I do like tea on occasion. Coffee 99% of the time.  82: Sugar or snickerdoodles? Yummy both please. Don’t make chose.  83: Can you swim well? Eh debatable. I’ve gotten better. lol 84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes. Yes.  85: Are you patient? Most of the time. 50-50 depends on what.  86: DJ or band, at a wedding? Either would be fine, but a live band would be awesome. DJ, Cheaper, duh lol. 87: Ever won a contest? A few times. Yep! 88: Ever have plastic surgery? I am 22 so no. Nah, I am good.  89: Which are better black or green olives? Eww no thanks. *pukes* No no no. 90: Can you knit or crochet? My mom tried teaching me how to crochet. Still wanting to learn one day either one.  91: Best room for a fireplace? A living room? Still going to go with living room.  92: Do you want to get married? I don’t know anymore, I hope so. I do, lol. 93: If married, how long have you been married? (Not applicable) Same lol 94: Who was your HS crush? Mark fucking Andrew. Ugh that’s still true. But here’s a plot twist though he married someone I know and I see his picture on FB all the time because she posts pictures of them. I am not phased anymore. So victory? For me at least. 95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? No. But I have though before though. Haha apparently.  96: Do you have kids? No. Nope.  97: Do you want kids? I would be ok not having kids for a while. No thanks. 98: Whats your favorite color? Purple! Purple!!! 99: Do you miss anyone right now? Yeah extremely. Yes. 

100. What do you hear right now? My Drake station on Pandora playing a Lil Wayne song. No Limit- G Easy ft Cardi B and A$AP Rocky

[thebachelordiaries]

The Shit Show..I Mean ‘The Bachelor’ Finale Recap

Editor’s Note: I wrote 90 percent of this recap right after the finale came out. Did I post it? Nope. Why not, you ask? Because I just didn’t, ok? One of my friends even called me out on it/ shamed me for not having my recap up. (Hi Feroze, this post is dedicated to you.) Anyway, I’m posting my recap now because I have an inkling the cast list for The Bachelorette is coming out soon and I want to have this posted before that happens. I like to plan in advance. I’m a very organized person. Clearly. Without further ado, read my recap of The Bachelor finale and weep....

No matter what happened on The Bachelor finale, you’ve got to admit that it was good television.

Becca Kufrin is am amazing woman who would make the best wife.

And that’s why Arie chose her.

But he went against his heart when he was so obviously in love with Lauren. 

And now he’s paying the consequences.

I honestly can see why he was so torn. I recently watched Bachelorette Canada (great show, please watch it) and Jasmine had to choose between Kevin and Mikhel. For those who don’t know, Mikhel is an amazing dude who would make the perfect husband. He’s sweet, handsome, emotional, smart, blah, blah, blah. Jasmine knows this, but her heart wanted to go with Kevin. And that’s what she did. She got a lot of slack for not going with the ideal man (Mikhel), but maybe following your heart is the way to go. Arie proved going with the logical choice didn’t work out so well. (And let’s just ignore the fact that Jasmine and Kevin broke up like nine months later...that’s irrelevant to my point.)

Oh my gosh there is so much to say about the finale! I’m overwhelmed.

Meeting The Parents

Lauren B goes first. While she’s not a big talker, Arie’s parents seemed to really like her. 

But Arie’s sister-in-law asked a question that got Arie reconsidering things: “Could you stay up all night talking to her?” His response showed he wasn’t so sure Lauren could do that.

You know how I know that Arie’s parents liked Lauren? Because they couldn’t stop talking about her to Becca. Poor Becca was obviously bothered by it, but at the end of the day, she’s the type of girl who “crushes” meeting the family. 

Arie’s family came to the conclusion that Becca was more “wifey” material and would challenge him more than Lauren. While I don’t think their opinions should matter that much after only spending two hours with the women, a conflicted Arie definitely took it into consideration. 

Fun fact: Ben Higgin’s mom actually preferred JoJo but admitted it was just based on first impressions and didn’t matter much. Ben convinced production to not air that part on the show. However, it did end up as a deleted scene.

After meeting the parents, Arie was suddenly on Team Becca.

That is....until his next date with Lauren.

Final Dates

Despite knowing he isn’t going to pick her, Arie goes hiking up Machu Picchu with Lauren. Here, they have such a good time that he changes his mind...again. 

Plus, Lauren finally opens up and starts to become more vulnerable with Arie. In an ITM he said he fell in love with her early on and couldn’t explain why (sounds like Ben Higgins.) He says if he could propose this second, it would be to Lauren.

However, he has one more date with Becca. And he once again changes his mind...again. Surprise, surprise. 

Another surprise: I don’t remember what Becca and Arie did on their date. All I know is that Arie changes his mind for the final time. 

Engagement Day

This was hard to watch. I think Ashely I. said on her podcast that the woman who got rejected by Arie would be the most led on in Bachelor history.

Each girl was so confident going into the end because I think Arie truly didn’t know who he was going to pick. He claims his final decision was made that morning.

Arie dumped Lauren and said he gave their relationship “all he had,” whatever that means.

This man is holding the woman’s hand he dumped up to his heart.

Here are the three sentences Lauren said after she was dumped:

“I’m extremely confused.”

“Why did you do that?”

“I still love you.”

In the limo, Lauren said Arie chose the easy route. And I completely agree. 

Takeaway: I guess this is a lesson for all of us that we should follow our hearts and not our minds.

Arie then proposes to Becca K. I’m not sure whether it was because I knew it wasn’t going to work out, but I didn’t feel any passion in this engagement.

I also barely looked at the ring, which is like, very out of character for me.

Becca and Arie say they’re going to start making babies that night, acting all happy and stuff. However, we knew the [upcoming] truth. 

Apparently right after they left Peru, Arie started regretting his decision.

Happy Couples Weekend

First and foremost, ABC does not record happy couples weekends. Yet Becca was somehow convinced that nothing was out of the ordinary that weekend. The devil works hard but Bachelor producers work harder.

Becca and Arie got engaged in mid-November. From there, they got to see each other every-other weekend at a “safe house” typically in LA with no cameras involved. Just them. 

At this time around mid-January, a producer tricked Becca into believing they were doing a “happy couples update” or something. But instead of an update, Arie dumps Becca for Lauren, and we have to watch Becca’s heartbreak in real time, sans editing. It was hard to watch. Mainly because Arie was so awkward, showed little empathy for Becca and stayed long past his welcome.

On top of “feeling like [her] future was ripped away” from her, Becca was sent home and sat in the middle economy seat back to Minnesota. Brutal.

Virginia Is For Ex Lovers

Now that Arie is free of Becca, he travels to Virginal Beach to win back his woman, Lauren B.

But let’s be real here. Arie knew Lauren would take him back before he even broke up with Becca. 

Despite having a panic attack before meeting Lauren at her parents’ house in Virginia Beach, she jumps into his arms without hesitation. I know she probably had more questions when speaking with him on the phone, but she took him back a little too easily in my opinion. Make this guy sweat a little. Like, he led you on more than any other person in Bachelor history, broke your heart and got engaged to another woman because you weren’t “marriage material” enough; make him beg. 

BUT ALSO: He did ruin his public image for her.....how many men can you say would do that for YOU?

So, while some people would rather die alone with lots of regret than take someone back who broke their heart, Lauren sucked it up and forgave Arie. I give her major props.

A Timeline of Arie’s giant fuck up:

Mid-November— Arie proposes to Becca

Late November to December— Arie starts missing Lauren (apparently he posted an IG story wearing socks Lauren gave her. (Wait, is Arie 21-year-old me giving subtle signs on social media to the guy I like?) Lauren watched the video and says she was “confused” by it.

New Years Day— Arie slides into Lauren’s DMs (with Becca’s alleged permission)

One Week Later— Arie dumps Becca in front of cameras.

Mid-January— Arie travels to Virginia Beach to get back with Lauren.

Mid-March— After The Final Rose airs live. Arie asks Lauren to marry him in a very cringeworthy proposal (don’t worry it wasn’t the same ring.) 

Still Mid-March— Becca pretends to be over the breakup so she can be announced as The Bachelorette. Becca meets five men who will be vying for her love. America loses their shit.

Did Airing The Breakup Cross The Line?

Most people felt that Arie’s “real time” breakup with Becca went too far. After all, nothing like this has happened before on the show. Becca went from happy, to shocked, to upset, to utterly heartbroken in front of our eyes. Somehow she didn’t curse out Arie or smack in him the face, which by America’s standards means she exudes class.

I agree that airing the breakup was messed up. But it had to be done. How else would Becca become The Bachelorette? No one would understand her storyline. Everyone would complain that she wasn’t emotionally ready to find love again. To be honest, it probably is too soon, but after watching Becca have her heart broken, America is emotionally invested in her love story. We all want to see her happy. And I will argue she has the best storyline of any Bachelorette in the history of the show.

So, to answer my own question: Yes, but it was necessary.

Do You Support Arie and Lauren’s Relationship?

I disagree with the argument that he loved Lauren and Becca equally, regretted his decision and then went back to Lauren. 

He always loved Lauren more. He just went with the “on paper” choice.

Based on what was shown of the season, Arie was completely infatuated with Lauren. I wrote this in one of my recaps without knowing any spoilers.

I am clairvoyant. 

Arie RUINED...RUINEDDDDD his public reputation to get Lauren back. He is hated by America now. This man decided that having Lauren was more important than being liked by millions of people. That takes some balls. Politically correct Ben Higgins would never. Nick “put me on another reality show” Viall would never. Farmer Chris Soules will allegedly kill someone, but still, would never.

You can hate Arie all you want, but you gotta respect him. He literally destroyed any speckle of pride he had left to get back with Lauren. Find you a man who will throw away all his pride to be with you. 

I hope they last and have lots of Arie and Lauren babies. I find their love story really romanic. Sue me.

[eminperu]

Dreams Money Can Buy: The economics of a pay-as-you-go vagabond lifestyle

Since my last Facebook post about another jaunt across the world, several people have reached out to me asking the same question: how do I “fund my lifestyle” (copyright Emma). It dawned on me that A) lots of folks are looking to travel the world but B) are not sure how to do that realistically and responsibly. As an additional obstacle, people—even the vagabonds—often get weird and cagey when asked about their finances. Luckily, I’m 100% comfortable letting you know that I’m pretty poor and I’m still living what Cardi B and Chance might classify as close to—if not my best—life. I’m happy to share my strategies for the nomad life as someone who has never considered planning a strong suit and whose butt gets all itchy at the sound of the word “budget.”  This is definitely not a how-to, but a how-I-do guide that hopefully can offer one perspective to those who, like me, dream of being homeless and financially insecure—I mean, wanderlusters.  Naturally, each point is organized by subcategory titles borrowed from legendary and timeless songwriter Aubrey Graham. Started from the Bottom (now we’re still near the bottom)

Okay, not exactly the bottom, but not far off. I did have some savings before I started traveling, and I think that cushion was pretty important for my peace of mind/not dying famished in the streets. I set a (admittedly pretty arbitrary) bottom line that I would be comfortable—not thrilled, but not fully catatonic—to have when I returned to a more “traditional lifestyle.” I put that amount in a do-not-touch savings account. Luckily, I haven’t really had to dip into this kitty very many times. Though, again, I’m admittedly no financial wizard, I would estimate over the course of the last year I’ve netted about -$2,000. To me, this year, the amount of time I spent not working, and the amazing experiences I have had were worth significantly more than that figure.

God’s Plan/Controlla

You can plan your travels in advance to varying degrees, but it’s crucial to be honest with yourself about how much uncertainty you can stomach without anxiety sucking all the joy out of the cool stuff you’re doing. I’ve had people tell me, “Oh, it’s so crazy how you can just hop on a plane and not know where you’re going next. You’re flying by the seat of your pants!” Two things: 1) I hate pants. 2) More often than not, I do plan at least my immediate next move in advance. This isn’t so much a due my discomfort with uncertainty, but rather how frustrated I get when I’m forced to spend substantially more money on a ticket/room because I couldn’t commit in time. As a general rule, I plan international travel at least a month in advance and try to get things settled for big within-country trips a week before I leave. I make sure to search airline sites directly, especially for within country travel, and I don’t hesitate to call booking sites instead of reserving online to see if if they can cut me a deal—they’re out here looking for that commission. That being said, the best practice is to seek advice from people who have visited or, better yet, live in your destination. Not only can they steer you towards the right locations/companies/etc., they can also advise you when it might be more economical to book real time in-person as opposed to beforehand online (this happens quite a bit, especially in less-developed countries. Trip Advisor is not always your friend, yo.). Plan as much in advance as you need to in order to feel comfortable and excited, not overwhelmed and anxious, for your trip.

Hold On, We’re Going Home

Building off my last point, for me, having a space to unpack my borderline-hoarder amount of clothes and plug in my electric toothbrush is crucial to my mental health. Who doesn’t love a nest? Though a lot of people move intermittently between destinations, I was pretty settled in Lima. Before flying in, we booked a month in an Airbnb. I easily found a three month room to rent on Facebook/Craigslist, and used the same method to find two of my jobs (oh, sidebar—look for and join ALL online Expat groups as soon as you get to a country. Go to a language exchange and ignore the creepy older dudes who try to get you to “teach them English” and look for other expats who are probably new to the area, too). I also knew I was setting up base camp somewhere with an incredibly low cost of living, and that was intentional (Meygan’s intention, not mine, but still).

Mob Ties

This will be a small section, as it deviates from the financial focus of this piece, but I think it’s important: be proactive ASAP in making friends. It’s so, so easy in any city with a large expat population (again, join the Facebook groups).  Expats are prone to be quite outgoing, likely share your interests, and probably have lower friend standards than you’re used to! Living abroad is like college, and all the other expats are your new floormates. There will definitely be some weridos, but you’ll sift through them and find the gems. Plus, traveling with friends makes things cheaper, so this section is totally relevant. (Nailed it.)

Hotline Bling

This one is straightforward: Make sure your phone is internationally unlocked and get a prepaid SIM card immediately in each country you go to. I’ve never needed to pay more than $20 a month for talk/text/data (you’ll only really need data) and it is PLENTY (how many of you are looking at your Verizon bill and fuming right now?). International plans don’t make sense in the long run and scrambling from Starbucks to random hostels for WiFi is not a good look.

Nice for What

One of the benefits of living abroad is that as soon as I moved, people started hitting me up to visit and/or meet them places. I’ve had the opportunity to visit magnificent destinations with magnificent friends, some of whom I hadn’t seen in years. If, like me, you’re overwhelming popular and well-liked, you have to be realistic and honest about where you can and cannot travel. Whilst on a budget and trying to function in day-to-day life, sometimes merging plans with friends looking to vacation is just not feasible. Compromising is great; it’s also valuable to let the homies know that this isn’t just a trip for you, it’s your lifestyle (did you just throw up a little bit as you read that? Me too. Sorry). I got super lucky and my friends who came and visited me in my more permanent location—Peru—didn’t force me to go to Machu Picchu 96 times! Every country has a bunch of cool stuff to do, and they were more than happy to meet in Colombia, hop on a jungle excursion, or otherwise with plan something that was in my budget/I hadn’t already done.

In addition to being realistic with my budget and with other people, I had to be realistic with myself, which involved some reprioritizing. I haven’t really bought clothes in the last year. I didn’t make my usual music festival rounds. I wasn’t planning to see my family for Christmas. My shoes, which have amassed an innumerable amount of miles, are essentially all falling apart. Time and time again, I chose experiences over things and I couldn’t be happier with that decision.

Nonstop

Having a job, regardless of the wage, always makes me feel better about spending money. You can make money in a variety of ways, but here’s a hot tip: TEACH ENGLISH ONLINE. I AM NOT KIDDING YOU I WOULD NOT HAVE DONE WHAT I DID THIS LAST YEAR WITHOUT IT. There are a myriad of companies (I’m with VIPKID—lemme talk to you about it and get some $$ for helping you apply) that allow you to set your own schedule and teach online from anywhere with a strong WiFi connection. I taught every weekday in Peru from 6:30 am to 9:00am (and an occasional weekend evening) and was done with my workday by 9:15 in the morning. I was also able to teach when I came back to Kansas, when I was home in California, and when I was traveling, Plus, I get money for referring you desperate plebs.

Let me tell you why VIPKID is infinitely better than getting an in-person job (even teaching English) abroad:

The hours and location are 100% flexible. I can open my schedule weeks in advance or the night before, and I can teach fifteen classes in a row or one single class.

There is no lesson planning. Prepping for teaching is an evil succubus that lures you in and steals your time and also several parts of your soul. The VIPKID platform offers ready-to-use lessons that have a universal structure. I don’t even glance at them before I start teaching. It’s the most low-maintenance, easiest form of instruction I’ve ever been involved with.

You don’t need to worry about getting a work visa. For all the work I did in Peru, I was paid cash under the table, as getting a carnet de extranjera (similar to a green card) is time-consuming, expensive, and difficult. I'm not 100% sure, but I feel like this is the case in most countries.

Yes, I make $20-$25 an hour, which can make you feel no ways (real Drake fans will catch that Easter egg), especially if you’ve been making a steady salary in a a place like New York or SF (let’s not get into it here, but all the more reason to advocate for not paying/treating our teachers like trash). However, it��s consistent money, I can do it anywhere, and $20 goes real far in most places outside the U.S.

The Catch Up

That being said, the side-hustle is EVERYTHING. Proofreading, translating, tutoring, working remotely, waitressing, bartending—anything that doesn’t require a lengthy application process and set hours is ideal. While I was back in the States, I very quickly and easily got a temp job working in my mom’s radiologic imaging office; I got to experience an entirely different line of work and gossip and eat donuts with the girls in the front. I absolutely loved it.

Apps like Grabr or housesitting apps are also excellent ways to make money doing stuff you’re already planning to do. Grabr allows travelers to sign up to bring things to people in their destination country that take too long or are too expensive to ship from their country of origin. This utilized two of my strongest skills—ordering items from Amazon and packing a checked bag weighing exactly fifty pounds. On my trip from the U.S. to Peru, I made over $300. Did I bring a kitchen scale and finely ground white electrolyte powders through South American customs? Yes! Did I assume I’d be going to Peruvian jail? Maybe! Honestly, I was more concerned about the giant car part leaking oil that I brought through TSA in Kansas City (thought about leaving a “This is not a bomb note”—decided against it). The point is: it might have taken a little time, some research, and a bit of aplomb to find opportunities like this, but luckily I had all those things in spades. Disclaimer: Use your judgment. Don’t do weird stuff.

Also, in all honesty, got a pretty cute tax refund this year, seeing as I made a significantly larger sum of money in the half of the year when I was full-time employee in California than when I was a part-time degenerate in Peru.

All Me

As resourceful and savvy as I’m feeling after writing this, I have to come clean. This might be a bit of a bummer for those fiercely independent amongst you: I did not even come close to doing this without a ton of help from my ridiculous circle of incredibly generous family and friends (HAHA GOTCHA, IT WAS NOT ALL ME. SEE? SEE WHAT I DID?) My list of people to thank would surely earn me the wrap-it-up music at the Oscars, but I’ll try anyway: My parents helped my broke ass get home so I wouldn’t be alone for Christmas. My friends from all across the world and all phases of life let me crash with them for weeks at a time (and gave me cute clothes that “looked a little weird on them,” made me banana flaxseed pancakes, and did my laundry). My brother and his smokeshow wife bought me flights and let me move into their giant British mansion to be their nanny (they don’t have kids). My saint of a mother literally gave up her bed and shared her tiny apartment with me, advocated for me to get a job that meant her doubling her workload, and let me eat all her food while standing at the refrigerator like a teenage boy. People have given me advice, contacts, hotel points, and miles. Gratitude will forever be the brush with which the memory of this year was painted.

All in all, I’ve had an overwhelmingly positive, life-changing experience with the joys far outweighing the stresses. It’s not hard to do, and I hope this very Emily-specific example can be of some help to you. Remember, you too can shirk all your responsibilities and run away to a foreign country! Even if you’re 25 sitting on 25… cents.

P.S. If you liked this post, please send me shoes.

[finalfantasyoc]

☾SEIKO ARTEMIS☽

✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦ ┌─────────┐ ❨Ｂａｓｉｃｓ❩ └─────────┘ » Name: Seiko Artemis » Name meaning: {Exquisit moon hunter}~~ Seiko is a Japanese word meaning "exquisite" or "success" ("exquisite" is usually written 精巧 from Chinese jīngqiǎo, while the meaning "success" is usually written 成功 from Chinese chénggōng). Artemis [artemis] as a girls' name (also used less generally as boys' name Artemis) is pronounced AR-te-miss. It is of Greek origin. Mythology: name of the Greek goddess of the moon, of hunting, and of chastity, equivalent to the Romans' Diana. The other two virgin goddesses were Hestia, goddess of the hearth, and Athena, goddess of wisdom. Name of the granddaughter of Lady Diana Cooper, perhaps as a tribute to the grandmother. The variant Artemisia is the name of a shrub common in America. It is also the name of the colorful 17th-century Italian painter Artemisia Gentileschi. » Nicknames: sei » Date of birth: March 13 when I first drew her » Zodiac: Pisces – February 19th to March 20th – This is the Light, Revealing the Light of Life Itself. It ends forever the Darkness of Matter. Pisces is a Water Sign ruled by Neptune and Jupiter in the conventional man, and Plutoin the disciple. With Pisces you will find a patient, perceptive, spiritual, peace-loving and imaginative person who is considerate and sensitive to the feelings of others. Pisces like to influence others through their compassionate, charitable and imaginative natures, but they are often influenced and vulnerable, because these sensitive personalities of astrology signs absorb the emotions of others easily. One would say they are easily influenced or impressionable. Pisces need to develop more discrimination with people to curb the impressionable nature of those born under this personality of astrology signs. It’s their indecisiveness, timidity, melancholies and feeling they are misunderstood that stands in their way. It gives others the impression they are pessimistic lost souls. Pisces often lack clarity and practicality. This is an artistic, creative and psychic sign with a keen imagination. Often this sign is a dreamer with an unworldly intuitive side. The soul lesson is to learn and accept, "I live my life through accepting what IS." It’s not about changing or fixing. It’s about accepting with compassion without taking on thenegative issues of others. For most Pisces, acquiring wealth is a means to an end rather than an end in itself. Pisceans are devoted parents, and spouses who take very good care of their family and friends. They show compassion, caring and understanding without complaining. The dual fish sign is often a victim of their own choices. Your Piscean child will often have imaginary friends who they converse with regularly. Pisces child may appear clingy or needy because of their strong emotional attachments to family. They need emotional support and love from their family to feel secure. They will excel at whatever they puts their mind to. The Piscean worker is personable, easygoing and charming. » Age: 23 » Gender: adrogenous They/them However female but how funny would it be if no one was sure if Seiko is female or male » Species: al'bhed » Sexuality: bisexual » Virgin?: hasn't dated so yes » Nationality: Asian (in final fantasy 10 Rikku and yuna look more Asian than white SO ..) » Native language: al'bhed » Other languages: Her mom taught her English before she passed away as well as her dad ✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦ “*never trust robots*” ✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦ ┏━━━━━━━━━━━━┓ ┗━━━━━━━━━━━━┛ ┌─────────┐ ❨Ａｐｐｅａｒａｎｃｅ❩ └─────────┘ » Height: 5"5 » Weight: 115 (?) (She's taller than me sooooo) » Hair color: silver (she was born at thunderplains) » Hair style: short ➳ ➴ ➵ ➶☾✧⋰ ⋱✧☽➳ ➴ ➵ ➶ Faceclaim lefabulous_killjoy Gray hair with neon blue, neon green, yellow, orange, and red subtle streaks in her short hair » Eye color: lightest blue yet not white » Skin color: pale » Piercings: none » Tattoos: none » Scars: faint cuts and scratches from the wild and bandits from her home » Birthmarks: none » Make up: none » Body scent: earthy in smell or oil since she is a inventor ...coffee in mornings (but at the start she was curious and broke the coffee machine ...not many of our normal necessities exist where she is from where it's a small island and everyone has to invent things) » Face & Body description: voice: smart and boyish adrogenous and lean » Outfit/Attire: She often wears her al'bhed attire. Pinstripe jacket. Red Dusty scarf. Dusty combat boots ..white pants ....gray shirt.. But she has several attired to fit situations ✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦ ✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦ ┏━━━━━━━━━━━━┓ ┗━━━━━━━━━━━━┛ ┌─────────┐ ❨Ｐｅｒｓｏｎａｌｉｔｙ❩ └─────────┘ » Personality description: melancholy yet has snarky tendencies. Genius. Always in her mind which makes her very thoughtful and sweet hearted » Mental stability: quick witted » Sane or Insane: sane » Passive or Aggressive: both Optimist or Pessimist: pessimist however both at times » Religious or Atheist: atheist in a way being half al'bhed » Habits: breaking things to put back together RIP YOUR PHONE ..HIDE YO THINGS » Pet peeves: bossy individuals People who think they are better (she is competitive) » Soft spots: direct take charge types (she is shy to romance) » Deep dark secrets?: she killed bandits... Who are people » Likes: inventing things ..curious people whom are just like her » Dislikes: being treated as weak » Obsessions: tearing things apart to put back together » Sexual position: [asexual shy] Dominant or Submissive: submissive » Sexual turn-ons: take charge types being surprised » Sexual turn-offs: name calling and abuse ✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦ “*this dream is dangerous*” ✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦ ┏━━━━━━━━━━━━┓ ┗━━━━━━━━━━━━┛ ┌─────────┐ ❨Ｓｔａｔｓ❩ └─────────┘ » Strength: 6/10 » Intelligence: 10/10 » Charisma: 6/10 » Agility: 6/10 » Eyesight: 10/10 » Endurance: 5/10 » Wisdom: 7/10 » Alertness: 10/10 » Willpower: 10/10 ✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦ “*times are tough but I am tougher*” ✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦ ┏━━━━━━━━━━━━┓ ┗━━━━━━━━━━━━┛ ┌─────────┐ ❨Ｆｉｇｈｔｉｎｇ Ｓｔｙｌｅ❩ └─────────┘ » Passive or Aggressive: both » Weapon(s): crossbow on right dagger left » Weapon description: it's kinda like assassins creed but she made them herself ..crossbow dagger » Close or Ranged combat: both » Magic?: no » Magic type: uh she can make bombs? » Magic description: .........kaboom..? » Shapeshift?: no » Alternate form: no » Magic background: none ..her weakness [C]✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦ “*I don't take orders I barely take suggestions*" [C]✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦ ┏━━━━━━━━━━━━┓ ┗━━━━━━━━━━━━┛ [┌─────────┐ ❨Ｒｅｌａｔｉｏｎｓｈｉｐｓ❩ └─────────┘ » Mother: was a Summoner » Father: was al'bhed » Brother(s): none » Sister(s): none » Pet(s): none » Other relatives: didn't know them » Love interest(s): multi ship » Children: none » Enemy(s): (depends if it's a final fantasy rp) » Rival(s): (depends if it's still a final fantasy rp) ✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦ “*don't change yourself to make others happy*” ✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦ ┏━━━━━━━━━━━━┓ ┗━━━━━━━━━━━━┛ ┌─────────┐ ❨Ｂａｃｋｇｒｏｕｎｄ❩ └─────────┘ ✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦ A prevalent blessing of the Yevon faith ~Praise be to Yevon! [C]✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦ [C] the people of Spirafollow the teachings of Yevon. The faith is named after Yu Yevon [ju 'jɛ.vən] (エボン・ジュ, Ebon Ju?), a summonerwho lived in Zanarkand one thousand years ago. Nearly all the peoples of Spira follow the teachings of Yevon, including the Ronso and the Guado (converted during high summoner Braska's Calm by Jyscal Guado and Kelk Ronso as part of Grand Maester Yo Mika's "sub-races appeasement policy."). The Al Bhed are an exception and are viewed as heretics by the autocracy for their use of machina, a practice forbidden by the church. As for the Hypello, whether or not they follow Yevon's teachings is never explored. Yevon draws inspiration from real-world religions, such as Shintoism (practices and temples), Buddhism (iconography and ritualistic disciplines), Islam (pilgrimages) and Catholicism (hierarchical structure and rigid doctrine). A practitioner of the Yevon faith is referred to as a Yevonite. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (i hadn't thought out her past extremely well honestly) Seiko's mom, a Summoner fell in love with a al'bhed. A race who is not accepted by yevon. Forcing to make the choice of no longer being a Summoner or leave the al'bhed man. As a Ex summoner she had Seiko. Obviously couldnt couldnt bare no longer being with the man she chose him and often ridiculed for such a choice. Living in thunderplains bandits often were all over but her parents felt as though they were fine. Then bandits broke in. Seiko was only 9. Her mom had her crawl out a window to go to a inn and Seiko didn't want to leave her mom and dad, leaving her to fall and hurt her leg. Seiko gets a distance away to see the bandits leave catching her home on fire. She lost her family. She then goes to a inn where the inn keeper looks after her. She saves up her allowance while working in the inn to go follow her dreams. Machine faction. Seiko often would invent odd things to travelers who stayed in the inn as her own business and gained gil. She created her own personal hover and went to djose to become a factionist. Her skills were praised...She's a genius. Which sparked jealousy among other Al'bheds. When the machina went haywire the others saw opportunity to get rid of Seiko whom was blamed and due to all the complaints without proof.. Gippal demoted her to dig in bikanel. Oaka the 23rd found the inventor and they traveled together as merchants selling seikos inventions until the debt collectors came. With nothing and no one she had no choice BUT to go to bikanel to dig. ~~while digging she finds a ancient machina which teleported her somewhere else [insert your home here] ┌─────────┐ ❨Ｔｈｅｍｅ Ｓｏｎｇ❩ └─────────┘ nomak- moonflow [Seiko's song|https://youtu.be/hKKmly7fbhQ] ✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦

[wolfie-rood]

The Fight’s End - Chapter Three

The week had been eerily quiet. No signs of that nameless psycho anywhere. And even though I should feel relieved, I couldn’t help but be anxious every time I turned a corner. The gruesome nightmares I’d been having also came to a complete stop after I met that boy, but that just unnerved me even more; Like something bad was going to happen very soon.

My deep thought was so rudely interrupted when someone shoved me to the floor. I growled under my breath and looked up at the many students who were staring down at me. Most sent me shocked or apologetic glances, but - of course - there was one teenager who smirked at me; trying not to burst into laughter.

Aros.

“Watch where you’re going next time, kid.” He chuckled.

I scoffed and stood up. “Watch who you call ‘kid’, Jerk!”

“Are you really trying to start a fight with me?”

“Only if you want me to.” Suddenly, I was pushed against the wall of lockers; my feet dangling above the tiled floor. Aros’s hand gripped my scarf to hold me up. “Scary.” I muttered sarcastically, and he hit my head against the locker behind me. I refused to even flinch in pain. “My, my. Have you ever considered seeing someone for your anger issues?” I asked curiously.

I’ve never been one to instigate a fight, but I knew from experience that it’s simply necessary in rare situations like this; as well as self-restraint. Believe me when I say I wanted to punch him in his smug face for being such a prick to Faith. But, I’d rather tempt him to punch mine instead. Then, he’ll get suspended and won’t be able to bother my poor friend for at least a couple weeks.

My plan was fool-proof.

Aros gritted his teeth as he pulled a hand away and clenched it into a fist. “I am going to kill you.”

“I’d be disappointed if you didn’t at least try–”

“Hey, Asshole!”

We both turned our heads to see younger girl running towards us with extreme speed. Once she was close enough, she kicked Aros away with both feet, and the two of them landed on the ground. I could tell they were about to start fighting, and I was going to intervene until a soft hand grabbed my wrist and began pulling me away.

Faith turned back to me as we ran down the hall. “I can’t believe you just picked a fight with Aros! You are the craziest person I’ve ever met!” She exclaimed while dragging me up the rooftop stairs.

“I bet I’ve met crazier…” I breathed. Yeah that purple-haired weirdo.

“What?”

I shook my head. “I said I was hoping he’d hit me.” I responded with the most serious expression possible.

We both reached the roof, and Faith fell over laughing. “W-Why? You are insane!”

“I prefer creative, but sure.” I cracked a smiled and sat next to her. “Honestly, he started it. I was just trying to get to the vending machine. I heard they restocked it today, and I was hoping to get one of those really good granola bars.”

“The ones with chocolate chips?”

I nodded. “yeah…”

Faith sat up and opened her backpack up. She rummaged through it for a while before pulling out a small package; handing it to me. “Ta-da.”

“No way!” I gasped; holding the small granola bar in my hand like it was a tiny god.

Faith let a few more giggles at my reaction. “I figured you’d want one.” She pulled out another one and unwrapped it with me. Then we touched them together as a toast and took our first bites. “Oh cfrap.” She mumbled through her food. “I forgot how phese phings make me phirphty.”

“Then gho ghet a jrink–” I suddenly covered my mouth as some of my snack almost fell out. We giggled as much as we could while eating.

Faith tried her best to calm down as she stood up to get something to drink. She swallowed her food and said, “Alright, I’ll be right back!” With that, she dashed down the stairwell.

I swallowed my food and slowly laid down on the ground; staring up at the sky. It was raining earlier, but it seems to have cleared up now. Now, there weren’t many clouds in the sky. A small smile spread across my face as I tried to see the clouds as animals. People make it look so easy, but maybe I wasn’t as creative as others…

“See anything you like?” A voice wondered, and I could practically hear the smirk.

With a sigh, I sat up to see that boy from before. The one I’ve been trying to avoid for a week now. I glared at him as he sat only a few feet away from me. “Yeah, just not you.”

“Ouch!” He cried; holding his heart. “My sweet Kari! That truly hurt!’

I smirked. "Good. I hope the pain kills you.” My smirk fell into a frown as I asked, “What do you want? If your gonna kill me, would you just do it already? This isn’t exactly fun.”

“Speak for yourself! I’m having a great time!” He laughed.

I groaned and fell back onto the ground. “Y'know, this would be so much easier if you’d at the very least tell me your name.”

“What? Do the minimal effort to help the person I hate more than anything?” He smirked darkly. “Why would I do that?”

We were both silent for a moment. “You could’ve just said 'no’.”

“I could’ve.”

“Alright, what do you want?” I asked seriously.

“Hmm…. Nothing, I guess.” He responded. “Just bored.”

Yes because that makes so much sense. “Well, go be bored somewhere else before I pummel you into the ground.”

“Is that challenge, my tiny friend?” He questioned with a sinister expression. The aura around him changed suddenly, and it made me a bit nervous; I refused to show it, though.

I shrugged as casually as possible. “I guess so. Why, is that a problem?”

“You honestly believe you can beat me? You do know that every time you’ve said that, you ended up dead!” He yelled. I vaguely wondered why it made him so angry, but I didn’t have much time to dwell on it since he suddenly pickrd me up and pushed me against the wall beside the door.

Huh, deja vu much?

“Listen up, pipsqueak because I’ve got a few choice words for you-” Before he could finish, he was kicked violently to the ground beside me.

I looked around confusedly until my crimson eyes landed on a small girl standing next to me. “You’ve got pretty bad luck today, huh?”

The girl beside me was only an inch or two taller than me, but at least she was at a reasonable height for her age. She’s in the eighth grade, but she comes to the high school to help out with the MMA club that happens every Friday after school. Her dark red hair was tied in braids, and her hazel eyes hid behind cute bangs. Her skin was dark, which wasn’t much of a surprise considering she’s a Gerudo.

Her name is Narafe, and she’s the MMA fight club vice-president.

“Narafe? What are you doing up here?” I wondered with a bit of panic in my voice. I’d rather not get her involved in my mess. Plus, she might be able to knock a few heads around, but she’s still only thirteen.

“To tell you not to pick fights anymore. Since apparently you haven’t learned your lesson.” She gestured over to where the boy had been, only to find him gone. “Huh. Where’d he go? And now that I think about it, I don’t remember seeing him around the school before…”

I laughed nervously while pulling on my scarf. “W-Well, its a big school, and um, you’re still spening most of your time at the middle school!” I spoke quickly. “Now that I mention it, why aren’t you at the middle school right now?”

“Changing the subject, I see.” Right I forgot this kid is smart. “I have a free period at the moment, so I came by to use the weight room and train a bit. I’m not one for wasting time for the sake of wasting it.” She looked around the roof before determining that the boy had in fact disappeared. “Alright, I guess I’ll go since whoever that was is gone now.”

She stopped at the door and turned to me. “Stop starting fights you can’t win. And if you can’t follow those simple instructions, at least come by after school on Fridays. The least I can do is show you some moves so you don’t get yourself killed.”

“Thanks.” The young Gerudo saluted me with a smile and disappeared down the stairs. Just then, Faith came back from getting some drinks and gave me a quizzical look.

“What did Narafe want?” She wondered while throwing me a water bottle.

I shrugged and replied with, “Just to warn me about starting a fight with Aros.” It wasn’t a total lie, but I definitely wasn’t going to tell her about how I got choke slammed more than once today.

“Okay. I guess we should finish our snack, yeah?” We sat down on the safety railing and began finishing our food.

~~

“Night, Mom!”

The rest of the day had continued as it normally would, but I expected to at least get called into the office for my little squabble with Aros earlier. Instead, I saw him in the nurses office as I passed through the hall with an ice pack on his nose. I guess Narafe really gave him a run for his money. I was half-tempted to take a picture of him, but I decided against it.

And now, after everything that’s happened today, the exhaustion was finally catching up to me. So, I changed into my usual baggy clothes and laid down on my bed; allowing sleep to consume me.

~~

I blew a piece of hair from my face while looking over the schematics for one of the divine beasts. Medoh had always been my favorite because it was such an accomplishment in my eyes; being able to get a large hunk of metal in the sky like that was truly a feat. So, I wondered if I could somehow condense the technology I used in the flying beast for something smaller; something all hylians could use. Flying elf people; what a silly thought.

My thoughts were broken when I heard the door to my home slam open. I looked over to see my door cracked a bit, and he was also standing there.

“Core! How many times do I have to tell you not to slam my door open like that? It seems like every week I need a new one!” I yelled; extremely irritated by the broken door.

His green eyes bore into me with concern. “He’s here.”

I stared back in shock. Now? Of all the times, he chose now? “Okay, let’s go. The champions are gonna need our help. Come on!” We ran out of the small building with the thought of my poor wooden door quickly fading away.

Once we made it to castle town, I almost began to cry at the complete destruction of it. Buildings were either on fire or already burnt to ash piles. The fountain was broken into a million pieces, and the sound of screaming came from all directions. With a deep breath I decided on a course of action. “Alright, you look for survivors, and be careful. I don’t need a building falling on top of you and crushing you to death.” I joked slightly.

“What about you?” He asked.

“I need to find a way to stop the Calamity. Or at least slow it down until the champions get here.” I responded. He nodded and galloped away to help other people. Meanwhile I made my way to the castle. The source of Calamity Ganon’s power had to be something in a physical state to make so much energy at once, so if I could just destroy it, we would be okay.

I made to the castle gates, only to be attacked by hordes and hordes of various monsters. “Awesome.” I grumbled. I hid behind the wall next to the gate, and tried to find a way around them all. I told my friend not to die, and here I am; about to become a dinner!

I tugged on my scarf before the ends became sharp blades. Then, I threw it over the side of the stone wall and used it to climb up. I made it to the top, and my scarf became normal again. “Perfect.” I worked quickly to run along the top of the wall without slipping, and I soon found a huge opening in the side of the large castle; not a single monster in sight. With a smile, I jumped down and ran inside to find the source of all the dark power.

My breathing became jagged as I anxiously stepped into the large throne room. I assumed logically that the power source would be in the largest room in the castle. “Nothing…”

“What’s wrong, Kari?”

I turned on my heel to see my friend with a scary smirk on his face. “I swear to Hylia! One of these days, I’m gonna accidentally kill you!” He didn’t respond, but instead kept staring at me with a dark expression. “Uh, are you okay?”

“Oh yes, I’m okay. Actually, I’m more than okay. I’m pretty sure anyone would be when they learned they could now do this.” He strode up to one of the large pillars and flicked it; making the whole thing crumble to bits.

For a moment, I thought it was amazing, but a scary question came to mind. “… Where did you get that power?” I asked incredulously. I slowly took a step back; feeling as though my presence was no longer welcome.

“Would you believe that Calamity Ganon had all this power stored up for me?” He said casually while walking toward me. My heart was beating and my scarf had turned into its blades for defense. “Answer me this, my little mechanic: If a sheikah gets her arm broken and no one here’s it, did it happen?”

“That makes no sense.”

He grinned. “Does it?” With incredible speed, he ran over to me and grabbed my arm; twisting it until I heard a sickening crack. My bloodcurdling screams echoed throughout the empty throne room, and he did nothing but laugh. “What’s wrong, Kari? Is the pain too much?” He cackled like maniac. His expression rapidly changed to serious. “We don’t need you, Kari! What everyone needs is someone who can actually protect them! Do you honestly believe you can save these people? Because I don’t think so! You can’t even hold your own against me!” Even after he snapped my arm, he still twisted and it didn’t seem he’d stop anytime soon.

“STOP IT!” I screeched in agony. “CORE STOP!” He laughed and threw me to the floor. I turned to face him with a pleading look in my eyes. I didn’t want to hurt him, so why was he doing this?

“I’m done living in your shadow, Kari. I’ve been seen as the lovable idiot who can barely save a few survivors. Meanwhile, you built these huge machines to save the entire continent. But, no more.”

“Core, please…”

“NO! I’M DONE LISTENING TO YOU.” He tried to stifle another psychotic laugh but couldn’t. He laughed so loud, I tried to cover my ears. “From this point on, I’m no longer your friend. So you’d best think of me as an enemy.” He giggled a bit more before pulling a dark purple spear from thin air. Suddenly, he chucked at me, and it struck my throat. He was then covered in blood–

I woke up gasping for air while holding my throat. I could feel tears streaming down my face as the memory kept replaying itself in my head. My sobs were silent, but I was screaming my lungs off in my head. It was terrifying seeing how he could be at his worst. When I first saw him today, it seemed like he was having a bad day, but Now I see it was probably one of his better days…

I was now more terrified than ever to be in his presence… what was his name again…?

“…C-Core…” I mumbled through my choked sobs; answering my own question.

~~

Hahahahahahaha!!!

“Shut up.” Core grumbled while bandaging his elbow. “I just didn’t hear her, is all.”

Y-You got your ass beat by a girl!!! Hahahaha!!!

“I said shut up. That kid was pretty light on her feet. If she’s gonna be a recurring issue, I’ll have to be more careful.”

And if little miss gerudo is more than just an issue?

“Then we get rid of her permanently.”

“…C-Core…”

Core stopped with the bandaids and smirked; knowing it was Kari who had said his name. She was congested, like she’d been crying all night. Unsurprisingly, that made Core even more happy to know he’d made her cry.

I simply must admit it: you were right to leave the sheikah alive. It’s far more entertaining this way.

Core chuckled lightly to himself while staring out his apartment window. “I’m always right.”

~~

I’m very content with this chapter. Some lore and friendship and not-so-friendship. Yeah it’s a… a little gruesome, I guess. But, it gets the point across. I can’t have people forgetting the Core is a fucking psycho. Speaking of which, he has a voice in his head because that’s fun. I’ve been thinking if I should name him or not. Guess we’ll see. Also Narafe. She’s a cute badass! I’ve got plans for her and Aros as well as some other characters, and it’ll take time. But I am so hyped! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter as much as I did because I’m a bit crazy, too! The gore is just interesting to write! Yeah, that’s a bit weird… XD