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quixtrix · 6 months

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dolph was always meant to be doomed; something of an analysis

i'm on my third rewatch of captain laserhawk, and on this one i've been focusing more on the little details that you don't get on your first or even second time watching it. i've noticed little things, such as pey'j helping and then going on to shield a hybrid who's dressed similarly to jade in the third episode. but i've also noticed bigger things, such as alex and dolph.

keep in mind that this show is just filled to the brim with political messaging, it was purposefully designed that way. so when someone mentioned on here that alex was an accelerationist, it explained a lot. we don't know much about alex in terms of his backstory, we only know he helped dolph after dolph attempted to mug him and they ended up falling in love. it's also implied that alex and dolph have been repeatedly reported on the news as terrorists more than we've seen, with rayman referring to them as being the usual suspects when the kaiju attack happened, despite dolph literally not even being there when alex did that shit. they're known to do this shit, and we know alex is a charismatic guy. it's not too far fetched to say once or while dolph was falling in love with this gayass white saviour saint that alex talked him into this shit for alex's own purposes. because yes, he has a cause, but he's also a bit in over his head, maybe with power. he's aware of the power he has over dolph, how he actively uses the 'i love you' card multiple times when they're together and when they're not together. he just had a bit too much confidence in his hold over dolph, but to be fair, alex, you were topping some indulgent mob boss for your cause (because let's be honest of course your sources would be tight if they were being fucked for it) then continued fucking said mob boss and got caught with your dick out by your ex who you think you can get back with. alex uses people as tools, he just doesn't put his shit in the right places at the right times.

i'm getting off track, but the point i'm getting to is that alex most definitely saw dolph, a man who clearly has some jacked up eden tech smacked onto his twink ass, at his lowest, and picked him up like a shiny new toy. he was always going to use dolph. but how come dolph is so easy to use? he's starved for kindness. he's the stray dog that comes up to you at restaurants to act all nonchalant because 95% of the time he gets neglected, but the second he gets offered scraps, he shows how hungry he is. we don't know much about his childhood, and what we do know is under the lenses of literal eden propaganda. we do however know how people get like underneath the hand of eden.

everyone say thanks to rayman, who concidentally, is dolph's foil. both of them worked under eden as their lap dogs, one as a propagandist and the other as military, but dolph had gotten out of the hold the propaganda had on him while rayman's barely shaking it off. both of them are also portrayed as poor little tragic immigrants and the impoverished stand ins both in universe and story wise. they're the feel good picking yourself up american dream stories that people can feel inspired by or feel proud about the country with. dolph had a photo with a kid holding a doll of him. before he became ex military, he was definitely the guy they paraded around as a previous lost cause that eden helped. red, who's as political as his assigned colour, bitches about identity politics in that one off line for a reason. he also jus hates brown people fr he kicked me down a flight of stairs

now we can assume that dolph had picked himself up out of the propaganda machine somehow. he realised he was used and he didn't want that shit. he's attempting to get himself his own life, for fucks sake. he jus happened to get lead on by the wrong guy, which then lead him to get used by eden AGAIN. this time not only in a physical way via soldier work, but emotionally too, with sarah easily manipulating him with what? a sob story and helping him out, maybe being friendly with him along the way.

he wants a normal life. he wants a goddamn normal life. he jus continues to be selected as a tool.

you can see how fucking starved he is for kindness. you ever think about the fact that in his dream life, he sees jade and pey'j? he knew these people for less than a week, yet they get a place in his dream life. most notably, jade gets a speaking role in his dream life. the only other person who speaks, besides marcus, is alex, someone who had known him and shown kindness to him. jade has also shown kindness to dolph. she's the friendliest face there in the ghosts, being the first one to check on dolph when he wakes up, offers an explanation to him, and also makes an effort to include him in her little shenanigans with the video and all!! dolph was all emo alpha wolf and all, but despite his constant cold shoulder, she was kind!!

there was someone who was more than kind though; bullfrog. because bullfrog actively looked out for dolph, despite his constant pushback against bullfrogs advice whenever they weren't separated. and in the end, it's bullfrogs kindness and compassion that hits dolph the deepest. dolph gets out of his depressive state to go back for bullfrog. he cares about people, he goes out of his way to do shit for the people who show him the slightest bit of kindness. he backed up sarah after one good conversation with her to marcus for fucks sake. dolph is just a guy who keeps getting used though. he's so loyal to anyone who looks his way that it's a fatal flaw that ends up with his head blown up. he's a shakespearean tragedy at the moment. i hope in the potential season 2 that he gets to have more moments where he gets to be his own person. not defined by an organisation or a person or a cause, but what he chooses to define himself by. he's on his way there. he jus deserves to be allowed to live for himself. after all, he has already met his end of that story. he can make a new one.

anyways if u reached the end of this im down to discuss this :D i also did get a few points from other people on here, but let me know what u think nd all

#SORRY THIS WAS A RANT #A LOT OF YAPPING #i jus have a lot of thoughts about dolph #i adore him #he deserves so much #and i hate how he gets overlooked IN HIS OWN SHOW #dolph laserhawk #captain laserhawk #rayman #character analysis #sorry guys very passionate abt my boyfriend #alex taylor #captain laserhawk bullfrog #captain laserhawk jade #pey'j

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teruel-a-witch · 1 year

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thinking about how danny spent very little time with steve before he (correctly) deduced that he suffered a lot of parental neglect ('you weren't hugged as a child, were you?'). of course, steve's knee-jerk response is to deny that because people who had an abnormal childhood don't realise it wasn't the norm because it's the only life they knew, only when they tell a 'funny' story that is met with a horrified look of someone who grew up in a well-adjusted family that they are confronted with the uncomfortable truth: that the perfect 'childhood' they lost after the trauma wasn't so perfect after all.

the fact that steve was only angry because of abandonment and not the cold bootcamp way he was raised shows he didn't know any better. even when he had a mother she wasn't the kissing-a-skinned-knee-better kind. it would still take years of therapy and gentle coaxing from danny for him to unpack all of that.

i can imagine many a time steve probably shared what he thought was an amusing 'anecdote' from his childhood only for danny to go all compassionate 'aw, babe' on him.

'what's the story behind this scar?'

'oh, it's kind of a funny one, i was playing outside by myself and heard pathetic whining nearby. turned out a stray dog fell into a construction pit. poor gal couldn't get out on her own so i climbed down to get her out, except my hand landed on a piece of rebar and... well. it was a kind of deep cut, but clean, i couldn't stitch it up by myself yet because i was seven so i put some antiseptic on it and waited for my mom to come home from work. it hurt a lot but i didn't cry because my mom always said 'big boys don't cry'. when she saw what happened she yelled at me and since it wasn't infected she said there's no need to go to the doctor, sure it would scar without stitching but the scar would remind me to be less clumsy and not to jump into pits willy-nilly. anyway, isn't it funny how clumsy i was when i was 7. why are you looking at me like that?'

it's honestly a wonder steve ended up with such a soft and big heart despite everything, because neglect could have made him cold, selfish, hard, insensitive to the feelings of others because no one cared about his.

instead, steve loves 'fixing broken toys' (literally and figuratively, ex. him gently gluing back the small cat figurine that danny broke) this 'child forgot lessons of love untaught' is surprisingly good at comforting people and being gentle.

there's a reason his big soft heart is what danny loves most about him. because he understands, given his background, how easily steve could have been different, could have perpetuated the cycle instead of breaking it.

truly, he has so much love to give. because no one wanted it from him, he never had anyone to give it to.

he was taught to shove all those soft feelings deep because they are only an obstacle in being a perfect soldier.

and then there's danny who says 'i'll take it, give it all to me, i want it, it doesn't make you weak, it makes you strong, that's why I love you, babe', and steve can finally pour all that love he's had pent up into someone, show his gooey centre without fear of being stabbed into it.

it is any wonder he decides he is gonna love danny till his dying day. tragically, since no one's taught him what love looks like he never realises danny loves him in return.

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lokisasylum · 10 months

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I'm sorry but 🐰 is so FAKE!

"My future changed because of it. If I hadn't done this project I would probably still be in bed, eating and watching cartoons"?????

As if he and everyone at Hybe didn't know since months PRIOR how his debut was gonna go down, like that Hybe staff (and Jimin anti) that got caught on DC Gallery talking smack during Jimin's debut about JK's single, because they all knew it had already been BOUGHT thanks to 🛴 & Bongo.

[Reminder that ALL Suchwita episodes are pre-recorded months PRIOR to present events]

Also the way he stated:

"I'm Korean , but I'd like to be the one and only singer who can cross back and forth between k pop and pop songs I'm gonna conquer all genres if I could " "one and only singer"... one and only singer to do WHAT when OTHERS have already done it BEFORE YOU??? (Shinhwa? Ailee??? Hello???) He'll never be the "first and only", "one and only", JUST THE PRIVILEGED ONE.

But you know what really gets on my tits? Its the way he toyed with the fandom's emotions through vlive acting out this story of the mistreated, neglected member that was too scared to ask the company for permission to come on vlive to talk to army, so he asked one of his hyungs to cover for him and "take the blame".

And then continued his little sob-story of "Oh I haven't left my apartment in over 3 weeks. All I do is eat takeout and sleep and play with my dog 🥹 please pity me." Getting so drunk that he passed out like twice (with a whole ass candle still lit) and coincidentally SOMEONE who was already inside the apartment would turn off the live (IF there was a staff with him at all times while recording, why did they let him get so drunk to the point of passing out? )

Then came the rebellious, child tantrums at his own hyungs asking him to take it easy with the drinking live (consequentially bringing hate against said members and his solo stans applauding this behavior as him "standing up for himself & doing what he wants" and how "respect has to be earned").

Then came the sasaeng scare, the "Please don't follow me to the gym where I work out every day, that scares me buuhuu 😭." And again getting drunk "to show how upset he is" by the whole situation, causing more unnecessary concern (a.k.a creating morbid anticipation and more people tuning in to the circus show).

But the live that really took the cake was when he first failed to hide the very obvious vape that was literally on top of the table in a very obvious pink color (like his hoodie) that many quickly identified, then another sob story, then FINALLY came the TEARS, acting like he was about to say goodbye to the fandom for the last time with the perfectly executed: "Please be happy, even if I'm not here." before ending the live and sending the fandom into a frenzy of "omg poor kookie, he's suffering so much" and "omg what if he harms himself???"

Everyone was SHITTING themselves on the TL, expecting the worst to happen.... only for Hybe to share a post from CK with a clip ready to announce that JK had been named Global Bran Ambassador to CK, with this huge promo, a whole ass video, photos, posters, an interview, the whole she-bang.

And suddenly... he was fine? Did another live like NOTHING happened? And the ones that followed??? Suddenly he was this refined model for CK that actually gave a shit about his image? Ya'll cannot convince me that this man was not gaslighting the FUCK outta the fandom through this whole shit-show while 🛴& Bongo finished up securing his achievement$ & po$ition on the chart$ before officially announcing his debut (despite having announced a month prior that another member would debut instead).

Even Jimin called him out on his BS during that live in the car after one of the music shows where outta the blue he interrupted the live saying he was gonna go watch Jimin perform live, as if he didn't know that Jimin's promotions had ended that very day.

Like atp I just feel pity for his stans 'cause they're SO NAIVE that they believe everything he says to the point of creating this false narrative that JK was the one who actually got sabotaged on his debut and received the shortest debut/promo time compared to Jimin. When the cold hard truth is that everything he got was thanks to all the MONEY 🛴 & Hybe invested on him.

#I'm sorry I know Jimin loves these dudes but it needs to be said #they've been gaslighting the fandom since those final concerts in Las Vegas #first it was namgi with the whole obsession with grammys #then SG lying on vlive about having done crossfit with the others and accusing armys of making it up

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thelikesoffinn · 5 months

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Hello! I keep browsing the tavstarion tag and asks from you blog keep coming up, and every time they do I enjoy the hells out of reading them. All the Astarion asks got me thinking though, and as I'm in the process of writing a fic, I figured I'd ask your thoughts (out of curiosity).

First thing's first: I understand Astarion's trauma responses are very... prickly, for lack of a better word. My question is how you think he would deal with a Tav who has a very people-pleasing response. For example, focusing entirely on anyone else's problems and completely neglecting their own, or only being able to say "no" when in such acute distress that they physically cannot give any more.

The second part (because I am guessing his response, based on how he's reacted in-game and also from reading your analyses) is how he might react to learning that that people-pleasing response is because of trauma they went through, either in their teens or young adulthood. How might that recontextualize some of his earlier assumptions? Do you think he would have any mixed feelings?

I wanted to write a Tav that's internal and solitary, who thinks they're "over" the trauma that happened to them. I thought the dynamic of someone who's been coping for years and has distance in comparison to Astarion who literally only just got out of his situation was interesting.

Hiya dear!

I'm happy you like the asks, haha, although I must admit hearing that they're very noticeable amongst the Tavstarion things is making me self conscious! 🫠

When it comes to people pleasing - or fawning, as it's also called - I think we can all sort of guess how Astarion would react. The boy isn't secretive about his displeasure regarding all things "noble" and I'm sure that, at first, the respect he holds for your Tav will be very low.

The thing is: When we see someone whose initial response is to fawn, we don't automatically default to trauma. Most people are far more likely to just view them as a really good and kind person or, especially in work settings, as a suck up. It takes time to realise that, hey, maybe Jeff from accounting actually just can't say no.

I don't think it will be different with Astarion. (In fact, out of all the companions, Wyll might actually be the most likely to notice that your Tav is having a hard time saying no.)

Depending on your Tav's general attitude, Astarion might default them to yet another kind hearted do-gooder that runs around the world with childish naïveté and that? That is a sitting duck.

To act 1 Astarion, kindness relates to weakness.

And weakness is something he can exploit easily.

As we all know, Astarion craves safety, which is why he latches onto Tav to begin with. And if Tav's someone who others listen to AND who seems easy to manipulate? Fuck yeah. That's an in if he's ever seen one.

If Tav is prone to saying yes to anything and prone to avoiding conflict, he won't even need to do much to get them to do his bidding. The right words, some puppy dog eyes and a hint at what he wants done, and they'll go and do it without protest. Add a couple of compliments, and he'll have them wrapped around his finger. That is exactly what he needs to be safe, and he'll not be shy of making use of it.

And I think it would be somewhat amusing to him, to see Tav try that hard to make everyone happy because he, quite plainly, doesn't get it. He doesn't understand why someone would care that much about others because to him, his own survival and happiness is what matters the most. Everyone else be damned if necessary.

(Just a tad bit presumptuous, seeing as he himself tends to salute and follow orders at the cost of his own personal boundaries if the person he deems the leader demands it - i.e. the Araj Oblodra bite - but let's let the poor guy have his delusions.)

Once he grows closer to Tav, his former amusement will likely quickly turn to frustration. In Act 3, we learn that Astarion is extremely loyal and, apparently, rather protective.

Part of why he insists on ascending for so long is not just for him - he wants to be able to protect Tav, and he thinks his spawn self is not enough to accomplish that. (This is highlighted by the fact that romanced Astarion is much more insistent on ascending than one you're only friendly with.)

Tav is important to him. They're his person and watching them bend over backwards for everybody and their mothers prostitute before thinking of themselves is probably not going to sit well with him.

He doesn't care about other people, but he cares about them, so he wants them taken care of.

BUT Astarion is not versed in the art of caring for others, not the best at communicating - he's trying, we can see that over the course of the game, but it'a process that takes time - and he is very prone to frustration, so I wouldn't be surprised to see his worry mostly expressed through sniding remarks, sarcasm and arguments.

Once he realises WHY Tav is the way they are...well, that is a bit difficult to pinpoint down, because it has a lot to do with his own mental state at the time. How he views himself and his trauma will reflect on how he views them.

An act 1 Astarion who is still very raw, very afraid and very much in pain might be somewhat disgusted and deny the very obvious similarities between the two of them.

Tav was hurt. People had hurt them and yet they're still trying to appease everyone. They're always doing whatever anyone asks of them without hesistation, even when they clearly shouldn't. How much of a pushover can one person be? Don't they have any self respect? It's pathetic.

It sounds cruel - it is cruel - but, in th end, he's not truly talking to Tav here. He probably sees part of himself, the part that jumped when Cazador said so, the part that listened to every order just so that he wouldn't have to suffer. He sees the part of him that grovelled, the part that gave up.

The part he hates the most.

(Fun fact: My least favourite state of healing to work with, because clients can actually be really difficult during that time.)

A more stable Astarion, however, could actually reevaluate a lot of Tavs behaviour. He might see them less as a naive child and more for what they are: Someone, who's trying to live.

They don't want to get hurt again, so they try to not offend anyone. They'd rather be stressed and tired and overworked than suffering again. They're not uselessly kind, they're not stupidly selfless - they're scared.

What he does with his body, they do with acts of service. They're protecting themselves in the only way they know how.

That realisation could somewhat mellow him and, most prominently, it can give him a sense of community.

It's a bit difficult to explain, but people who have experienced abuse and are now in the process of healing might start to experience a sense of community with those who had similar fates. Not in the sense of: "Let me bare my soul and dump my trauma onto you now - so when I was 12, my dad..." but in a very specific, comfortable way.

It creates a sense of understanding, if you will.

It means that the other person understands, even when you don't say anything. You don't need to fight; to explain yourself - they understand. They might not understand all of you, but they understand enough not to let it cloud their judgement. You'll be alright and they understand.

So Astarion won't need to tell Tav every little thing, he won't need to explain every reaction, every misbehaviour, every slip up. He won't need to fight for his right to be quiet, sad, angry or sulky.

He won't need to explain because even if he doesn't, they'll know that he has his reasons, and they'll be there when he's ready to talk.

Anyway! Those two options are really just a few of all the reactions he could potentially have, because, as I said, it's so hugely dependant on where he is mentally and how he views Tav, himself, his past, etc... It's really difficult to narrow down properly.

The dynamic you have chosen is really, really bursting with potential - both for drama and healing - and I hope it's as fun and rewarding to write as I imagine! ✨️

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate #baldurs gate #astarion #astarion x tav #astarion ancunin

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zorotitties · 2 years

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The fact that people will sit and say to you with a straight face that One Piece isn't political absolutely blows my mind. Because... how can you be that dense? How can the entire purpose of the story fly right over your head?

The celestial dragons who control basically every aspect of the world, down to its government, who won't even look at poor people. Who would rather destroy an entire village that's been neglected, and throw trash into it for years. Who would rather burn an entire town to the ground with the people in it because they'd rather get rid of the "problem" instead of fixing it. Who would rather lock people out of their noble land and listen to their pleas as they burn to death than even try to show compassion for someone less fortunate than them.

Or Big Mom and Totto Land. Where she gives everyone the ultimatum to either stay, or she takes their life. Not to mention she takes a piece of their soul every time in order to create more homies, which are literally her servants. Sure big mom's ultimate goal is to unite every race in harmony and she wants everyone to be friends but she goes about it entirely the wrong way, and even goes as far as having Caesar Clown experiment on literal children so she can have man made giants in Totto Land.

And then there's Wano. Where the people of Ebisu Town were thrown scraps of rotten food and poisoned water to consume because Kaido and Orochi couldn't care less if they lived or died. Where they were so tired of the cries and moans from the sick and dying, that they gave them defective smile fruits so that they would never be able to do anything but smile and laugh. No matter how much pain and suffering they experienced, they could never show that again, and it was an effective way for Kaido and Orochi to sweep those suffering people's problems under the rug. Because watching them smile and laugh despite it being disingenuous and painful for them, was easier than caring and fixing the issue.

Oda regularly dogs on rich people and shows how truly awful they can and will be. One Piece is about how despicable the world government is and how a group of anarchists (aka pirates) literally help liberate thousands and thousands of people. Luffy has liberated so many groups of people, so many countries and villages. And all because he wanted to. How can you sit there and say One Piece isn't political?! And I could go on and on about the topics I didn't discuss, like slavery, human trafficking, racism, and corrupt government, but I'm tired and don't have the energy to write. Maybe I'll save that for another day

#rinny rambles #one piece #op #anime #my thoughts #monkey d luffy #luffy #straw hat luffy #op spoilers

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theflybitteneye · 5 months

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Fun fact about Furby, but because I adopt seniors with disabilities only I usually feel too bad to change their name.

The shelter I got both my boys from does already as a little extra just distance from their old lives. (My other rescue Duckie was dropped off at a vet to be euthanized. He was severely neglected. Close to death from untreated diabetes and his old owners not giving a single shit about him his whole life. There's even some question as to exactly how old he is because his teeth are so bad the vet deduced he was either much older than they said or he had profoundly poor nutrition for a long time. Left to suffer. They didn't want to pay to have him recover. Vets will sometimes get owners like them to sign papers relinquishing ownership, promise to put the pet down, then call around to see if any shelters have the room to get an animal like him into recovery. Whoever used to have him, as far as they know, he's been dead for years. Changing his name gives the vet a bit of cover in the event his old owners see a picture of him on social media and recognize him. Like, Duckie has some pretty distinct markings on his face, but like, as far as they'd know it's just as likely a eerily similar cat to the one they abandoned. What they did is totally legal, but, for some reason people get weirdly pissed to find out the animal they left to die alone is doing well and has a better life.) But by the time I get them, they've usually been in the shelter for a while. Special needs senior animals are hard to adopt out, obviously. It usually feels a bit mean, you know? Third name change after all that.

However, I made an exeption for Furby. Unfortunately since the shelter gets so many cats and they all have to be named different shit, some of them end up with real bad ones. Furby's shelter name was apparently a model of German car, hard to pronounce, and un-fucking-spellable for my dyslexic ass. I literally don't even remember what it was, and can't spell it accurately enough for Google to guess. Because of that he had a million nicknames and basically responded to anything anyway.

When I saw Furby, I fucking fell in love instantly. He doesn't seem to be all Persian, but he's clearly at least a good chunk Persian. I love Persians. I've loved them every since my little 12 year old Warrior Cat kid ass was instantly taken by best girl hag queen Yellowfang. This is no judgement to people who get pets from breeders, but, personally, I'm uncomfortable with supporting the pet breeding industry even as it pertains to "ethical" breeds, let alone unethical ones. And for those of you unaware, as gorgeous little gremlins as Persians are . . . At best, they're on par with pugs. It depends on what kind and how severe their face squish. And even before all that, just personally, in today's current pet trade market it's shelter or bust (in terms of cats and dogs, not other kinds. But even for rabbits and stuff I feel it's good practice to always check shelters first.) Persians are expensive, fancy cats, unlikely to end up in a shelter at all, and if they do, they'll be adopted out in a blink of an eye. Which is good, don't get me wrong, but, I try to always go for the ones who nobody but me would want. That's why Furby just seemed fated to be mine. Old? Needs special medical care? Tragic backstory? Completely unwanted and stuck in foster care for ages? That's MY KIND OF PET, BOyo. That he has this stupid short muzzle that makes him look like he's sucking on a lemon perpetually since he has no teeth and this big fat forehead that makes him look like a toddler about to fly into a temper tantrim was a special treat. He sits on the back of the couch with his front paws crossed and looks like the snobbiest little shiteating twink and I fucking love him with every cell in my body.

He looks exactly like the 1998 Furby I had as a kid. The white one with black spots. I collect furby stuff, as I am a toy collector and modder obviously, so the name seemed absolutely perfect. . . Too perfect. Profoundly far too perfect. In what I can only describe as a cosmic troll-job, he happens to also have something else very much in common with the 1998 Furby I had as a kid.

He. Never. Fucking. Shuts. Up.

In his distinct high pitched wail (if you've heard a Persian meow before, you'll know what I mean) he cries incessantly. Dare I not pay attention to him when he demands it, nothing but screaming. Unfortunately like an idiot, I've reinforced the behavior by accident. The more annoying he is the faster I'll drop everything to get him to stop with food or pets, so now he just goes full Final Girl to get what he wants as fast as possible. The only way he isn't like his name sake is that he has no batteries to remove in a desperate bid for peace. Like all cats, he's an agent of chaos unrivaled by any other animal on the planet. The degrees him and his brother can cause mischief in my daily life is unparalleled.

That sounds all extremely negative, but like, believe it or not this is exactly what I love about cats. I went through a very long battle with what felt like and endless cascade of health problems I'm only now starting to actually recover from over the past three years, and I don't think I would have survived it without my boys. No matter how sick or depressed or lost in a endless mental fog I got, these little pissbabies managed to get me to interact with them or there would be hell to pay. They managed to be as charming as ever charm me even while they caused all the fucking mayham they could.

Even when I felt like staying in bed until I rotted and died, Furby screamed until I got up. Duckie sent stuff crashing to the ground until I snapped out of my haze.

Non-cat people think cat lovers are insane, but like, it's never a fucking dull moment with them around. The will of cats is infamous, and in a lot of ways I think the real reason I managed to survive all I did was because it was inconvenient for my two little goblin kids to have to find another forever home if I kicked it, so they made sure that didn't happen.

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ragnar0c · 3 months

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Did these for the OoS crew... it took a really long time for some reason BAHAHA....

Brainrot underneath the read more as usual. But the pics themselves speak volumes if you know the characters... the brainrot is just in case you don't know, how each character reminds me of each oc. But mainly so I can get the brain worms out of my head!!

EOCs: (Hana, Alope, Ignis, Enid, Tank)

Hana:

Korra, Elise Liedl, Alice (Pandora Hearts), Rita Mordio, Frieren, and Edward Elric

Most like: Elise, Korra, and Rita.

She's desperately trying to prove herself as a Zodiac (Korracore) and has massive dreams of grandeur she'd do anything to fulfill. (ELISE) She likes to think she'd sacrifice anyone and acts cold but really is afraid of connections for the same reason. As a result she's overly attached to the object of her research since she can't hurt it and it can't hurt her. (Rita)

Very reminiscent later on (like frieren) but acts headstrong and louder (like ed or Alice) when she feels passionate enough.

Alope:

Bolin, Rose (Tales of Zestiria), Denji, Mae (Fire emblem echoes), Kanami (Log Horizon), Luz (TOH)

Most like: DENJI

Alope doesn't have a last name or parents it seems. She's stuck in someone else's debt... (Denji) shes poor but it doesn't stop her from being silly and kind initially (Bolin) She does what she needs to do to get jobs done while people hesitate. Along with a strong sense of justice... poor common sense while in conversation tho. (Rose++ Also Alope is scared of ghosts just like her too. )

one thing comes to another and Alope goes from that loud kind girl to someone who's been traumatized and feeling at fault... Wrestling her self doubt and resentment but at the same time will still do anything to right her wrongs. (LUZ MY BABY)

Mae and Kanami are there for vibes. They radiate Alopenergy

Ignis:

Niren Fedrock, Kento Nanami, Vander, Optimus Prime, Hohenheim, Lukas (fire emblem echoes)

Most like: Hohenheim.

An ex knight who follows a strict code of chivalry... he's kind, takes the helm with things are chaotic and is a good leader (Optimus, Lukas). It could be seen as a sort of facade though. Considering he left his past behind and this is sort of his last attempt to relive/fix it but better and older. (Hohenheim)

He's aloof and calm at first which gives him a cold look. But is notoriously sensitive when you know him. (Hohenheim) cares deeply for his family and guild (Vander. Niren). But is especially estranged from them at times with the whole aloof... reliving his past thing.... (HOHENHEIM. Lukas a little)

Nanami is on there bc his principle that adults should do things and not children is something Ignis strongly believes too. It's why he's so concerned about the girls.

Enid:

Reki Kyan, Okappa (Plastic Nee-san), Kisara Nanjo, Enid (O.K.KO), Brunhilde (Record of Ragnarok), Chastel and Hisca Aiheap (Tales of Vesperia: First Strike).

Most like: Reki Kyan.

A Monk whose emotions fluctuate constantly. (Brunhilde) They try to be levelheaded initially but are si passionate about others it spills over in excitement or anger (Reki). Prone to comedy violence when pissed (Okappa). Watches over the guild like how the twins (Chastel and Hisca)... so like nagging sisters BAHAHAH.

A skilled fighter, but has a soft side. (Kisara) they are trying to tap into it, but neglecting their fighting skill, something that was a big part of their identity seems to have made them doubt themselves and envy the others. (Kisara. Reki.)

Enid O.K. KO is the literal inspiration for Enid's name and a littleeee bit of their voice too. I crushed on Enid O.K. KO pretty hard and love the name bc her.

Tank:

Shikamaru, Raven (Tales of Vesperia), Lavi (D-gray man), Maes Hughes, Jake the dog, Saber (Fire emblem echoes)

Most like: tbh. I thought initially that Tank's board was the craziest but all these characters are so much like him I can't pick.

A guy who seems laid back and lazy and complains about work. Does anything to "avoid" it. Who always puts on a huge show so people don't suspect a thing from him. In reality, Tank is very meticulous and picks up on things about his guild before the others do. And despite his complaints about work will always pull more than his weight when he has to. (Literally all of them)

Though he's shady, he stays beside Enid and treats them like a sibling. (Saber) Though at times his treatment of them is dubious and he gives them counter productive advice (Jake)... He sees Enid as an idealist and would do anything to protect her (Hughes). He tries to keep his distance from everyone else, but the longer he stays the harder her finds it as he nature picks up on all the little things about them they don't know. (Lavi) Seems to have some unspoken backstory that affected him and changes his motives. (Raven and Shikamaru)

#ragna ramblings #BRAINROT #oos ramble #EOC: Hana #EOC: Alope #EOC: Ignis #EOC: Enid #EOC: Tank #queued post

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dxringred · 2 years

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HELLO FELLOW ST/DDIE NOT-QUITE HATER BUT JFC DO THE DOUBLE STANDARDS REALLY NEED TO BE SO OBVIOUS?

i love the fandom, but this issue has been present since. forever. since steve stans were shitting on nancy after the halloween party scene, making fics and long-ass paragraphs bemoaning steve’s puppy-dog eyes when he heard that nancy say that she was pretending to be in love. as if the scene wasn’t about NANCY and her grief??

and then again! when robin came out, the initial “holy shit, we finally have some canon queer rep of quality!! robin’s such a cool character, and this was a beautiful scene!” people immediately latched on to the fact that she didn’t label herself explicitly as a lesbian in order to shove her and steve together. and again, the steve stans raved about what an excellent ally steve was, when the scene was about ROBIN and pushing past her obvious fear to tell steve something like that.

and most recently, with the vickie and robin scenes. i personally don’t ship them, but even that was, apparently, content tailored for the steve stans. the fact that the directors might be leading into an actual romance life for a canonical lesbian character (though nancy has literally been right there. even the actors are in support of the ship)? unimportant because look!! look how proud steve looks in that scene, look how happy he is for robin. wtf.

steve’s a great guy, a fun character and he’s got depth and kindness etc etc. eddie… i mean. he’s also really cool and i get why people like him, i really do. but he barely had a season’s worth of character development, and already he’s a fan favorite. i like the ship, but i hate the fact that once again, the fandom is full-on obsessing over the “cute white boys” and neglecting the wlw pairings

and it’s so much more than a bunch of people upset that their ship isn’t as popular. this is an actual issue, where the lack of wlw content and attention is forever being overshadowed by the mlm pairings.

damn, i didn't even know it was possible to send asks this long-

sadly, i don't know any history of the stranger things fandom since i've never watched the show, let alone engaged in the fandom, but i can attest to the rock/ie one since i've seen several posts mentioning how steve looked like a proud parent or w/e, and then others being all "poor steve" since he's single while robin has vickie and nancy has johnathon. (for now.)

on his own, steve's an okay character to me. his development was good until 4B messed it up with him latching onto nancy again, but even with that, i've never gotten the impression that there's a lot of. depth to him? like it's very much the basic character arc of "popular highschool asshole realizes it is bad to be an asshole and that he actually cares for others". totally fine but hardly groundbreaking lol. and if i see his chest hair one more time-

i haven't watched the show, so i can't attest to eddie outside of gifs, but again. nothing special from what i've seen. his little arc seems to be 'manning up'? instead of fleeing like he did with chrissy (which i thought was a perfectly valid reaction, frankly), he dives into lover's lake, helps save steve and then sacrifices himself which ultimately then lowkey negates the development because he's fucking dead lol.

maybe it's just because he's a far cry from my type of male character, but. yeah, don't get the fan favorite thing. don't get the petition with 75k signatures. don't get the ship (no issue with it yet though) when they barely had any scenes. it's definitely a case of them both being (arguably) attractive white men. cishet girls in particular will eat that shit right up.

the fact that ste/ddie shippers are now going around reporting ronance shippers and calling them names for giving them a taste of their own medicine and/or politely asking them to tag their fucking fics correctly is disgusting imo. it's giving lesbophobia. they seem to think their ship is more important, and therefore nobody else's tags and spaces matter. the way they behave, you'd think the average age of that fandom is 12. (and i wouldn't be surprised if it is, honestly.)

the only canon lgbt+ character is wlw. (i can't speak for will. i don't know if his sexuality has actually been definitely stated yet, and it hasn't in the show as far as i'm aware, so. vickie also isn't confirmed anything as far as i know.) and yet somehow mlm pairings with minimal scenes are heavily overshadowing any wlw content. (first it was billy/steve which. what the fuck, actually. now it's ste/ddie.) i don't know what the huge disparity is rooted in (lesbophobia, misogyny, mlm fetishization, all of the above) but it's fucking annoying and boring. broaden your horizons. get a grip. uggggghhh.

#ask #ronance #are there any other lgbt+ characters other than robyn?#like i said #haven't watched the show #so idk anything about minor/side characters #those are the only three i know of #and will is only (apparently) coded afaik #also no i dont know why i spelled robin that way

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master-of-fluff · 1 year

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Bit of a rant

Istfg I just stepped in dog crap again because no one wants to train the dog or take it out long enough to crap or whatever it is that it needs and I'm so tired of it and so pissed both because of m poor sock and for the dog

Because I knew this would happen when my dumbass sister said she wanted a dog I freaking told my stupid parents not to get he damn dog.

she didn't take care of her rabbit and her guinea pigs so what in the hell made them think she'd take care of, train, and clean up after a dog?

Her? The same person who threw a crying screaming on the ground tantrum because my brother threw a damn 'party' in the same roblox server as her at the same time as her at fucking 11 years of age? The same intutled brat that throws a fit when asked to do any chores now at almost 13? And you thought this would be a good idea?

How can anyone be this stupid????

Oh and they wanna complain about her animal neglect now?

Where was this when she didnt wanna take care of the other pets anymore? Oh wait they probably didnt even notice because instead of being responsible parents and fixing the mistake of buying an animal for someone who wasnt ready for one like most parents would via taking the animal on as their own they just made their eldest, me, do it.

And i knew it was an especially bad idea since they didn't even bother to learn enough about those last three pets or this one, or any of our pets to know what they needed and then got sad when the dang rabbit and pigs died earlier then they should've even though i and my friend told them they need better cages and bedding but we were "just kids and they were adults so we didn't know better then them and what we were talking about" (wtf was my dad on when he said that he's literally never had a pet before cuz my grandma on that side is literally scared of animals)

And now that iv made it clear that I'm not going to be the one to do it again (I mean ofc ill take him out sometimes if asked I'm not gonna be cruel to the poor thing it didn't ask to be here anymore then I did but there's no way in fuck I'm gonna go out of my way to take care of it like I tried to with the others like iv been down this path quite a few times and I'm not going down it again) they have to deal with it and surprise, surprise! they like it just as much as raising their kids (barely tolerating it)

Istg I wanna give that dog to someone else that'll actually take care of it, hell even my sister wants to give it to someone that'll do a better job but my mom is like

"no we take time care of him fine and the toddlers are too attached to teddy it would hurt them" it'll hurt even more when we're all in the hospital for breathing in too much dog poop bacteria that's probably permanently imbedded into the carpet and then animal services or whatever take him by force since no one but me actually cleans it up and only if its in my room or a communal space like seriously I'm not cleaning it up if its in my brothers room istg that is as much my responsibility as the dog itself is my responsibility.

he should keep his door closed since he's lucky enough to both not have the dog's cage in his room and also have a door.

And you know what else? The easiest solution would be to fix the backyard fence and put in a doggy door - with a lock to keep the raccoons out ofc - but fat chance my dads gonna fix the fence or ask any of our family to do so, like literally you just have to fix the 2 gates not even the whole fence but that's apparently too hard so ig I'll have to figure that out myself after getting a job or whatever ffs

#tw vent #to be clear i dont hate teddy #or any of her past pets #im just annoyed to be the family that gets a bunch of pets and doesnt even bother to take care of them properly #this rant is a bit everywhere but yeah

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0xo · 1 year

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i am so tired of ppl on facebook being like "help, my [dog/cat] is missing, we usually let them out to roam and they haven't been home in a few days," stop it! stop it! you are a bad person!!!!!

i just saw one where the poster was like "my unchipped unspayed uncollared female cat is in heat and i let her out, she's been gone three days, please bring her home to me" with a picture of a cat who was clearly old enough to be spayed and it's just. AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! we literally have programs in our area for $15 dollar spays and $5 microchips!!! why are you letting this happen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! stop letting your cats outdoors!!!!!! i get that maybe getting the cat fixed is out of budget atm but at least keep them inside!!!!!!

also if $15 for a spay is too much, like you own this cat for two years and can't come up with $15 ONCE, maybe you don't need a pet???? how are you feeding them if you can't afford to fix them? and you're letting them outside, are you even flea treating them? like i am currently broke but my cats have NO NUTS and plenty of food and monthly flea meds! and they STAY INSIDE!!! it makes me so angry when ppl get animals without considering that they COST MONEY and that you have to. Have To. get them fixed and medicated. and that if you want an Alive Cat you should NOT BE LETTING THEM OUTDOORS!!!!!!! these ppl are fucking insufferable quite frankly.

like im not saying poor ppl shouldn't have pets! shit happens! i am a broke person with pets! if you get a pet while circumstances are good, you're confident it all fits in your budget, and then something happens and you're suddenly broke, i don't think you should have to get rid of the pet. if you're ALREADY broke and want to have pets, that's cool, everyone needs a buddy - you NEED to save up first. and in both cases, you gotta know how much monthly care costs and you need to be ready to put their medical needs before your wants every single time. and if you know you can't do that, do! not! get! the! pet! if you cannot afford to spay/neuter or to adopt one that's already spayed/neutered (most shelters do this!) you cannot afford one! very sorry!

like i feel bad saying that some ppl don't deserve their pets but. when you let them run around outside off leash for days on end, and don't bother with proper veterinary care even when you can afford it? that is bad! that is cruel! your pet is going to get injured or stolen! and honestly if you're neglecting an animal that much, if they're missing three days and it takes you THAT LONG to think "maybe something isn't right," maybe somebody else should take the animal!

sorry it's just. so bad. it makes me so angry. i love my cats more than life and i can't fathom just letting them fuck off to get killed. one of mine went missing for 7 months, not because anyone let him out but because of a broken window, and i was destroyed!!! gutted!!! i felt guilty and angry every day even though nobody did anything wrong!!!! it was the best day of my life when he came back!!!! i would give an organ to be able to have the space/money for a dog, but i don't have the right things so i don't have a dog. but i want one so so so bad, i miss my childhood dog like a family member. she was one of my dearest friends in my entire life. and ppl with dogs and cats are just letting them go loose on the streets? and being SURPRISED when they don't come back? disgusting!!!!!!

#animal death ment tw #sorry i get. mad about animal neglect

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tc-stickerz · 10 months

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Dear Amberlynne.

Amber. Misstall even. "Monarch" of her own life lolol. Bet ure surprised to see this aren't you? After all I put it really out of the way. There is a method yknow? I need a way to send a letter. But i don't want you to see it. I need you to have even the smallest chance of seeing it eventually. For my heart to have enough hope to manage. But i can't actually send it to you. The small amount of dignity I've scrounged together these last few years couldn't take it. So this is the solution I've come up with. You won't ever read this thank goodness. But the chance is literally greater then 0. So here we are lol

Another reason I don't want to send this to you is because I lied to you in my last message. At the time I was telling the truth mind you. But as you know, I can fall to arrogance on occasion. Even now. The majority of it is still true. But doesn't work that way. Resolving to do better and be better is good and all. But some days you have to acknowledge that it's going to be worse too. If that makes sense. That's what encouraged me to write this. I had a bad day

I used to write these alot more in the past. But not to you. Sometimes the feelings get to much and I need the outlet and I would write to a loved one that I miss the most. It was once islandmai. But once his email account started sending errors I stopped. I'm not sure if he is alive. If he blocked me. If his account is deleted. I admit I love the idea of him more then the memory. Because there isn't much of it left. That was 18 years ago when I fucked that one up.

Then I wrote them to Sam for a short while. But I remember even left. My poor grape. I can't remember if you are a figment of my imagination or not. But ive grown to love the image of you in my head regardless.

Then the whole Dave thing happened. I wrote him for a while. Up until I got news that he had killed himself. I'm going to be writing him a letter eventually. For all times sake. For the feelings that need out. But for now I hope you can read this in hell. And know that even now I can't stop loving you either. You utter piece of garbage.

And then I stopped. Kinda. I pursued different outlets. Went to therapy. I started having my own support structure. It was built on lies. And hatred. And most of all envy. But it was the path I chose. And I deserve the consequences. I don't argue that amber. But today was a bad day. And more then anyone else, I missed you. So I wrote you a letter. I hope you blocked my emails. But im not sending this one directly to you regardless. So it doesnt matter.

Remember when I promised to be there when dog died. I think about it sometimes. I wasn't there because you wouldn't have let me. But it was my fault for ending up in that situation anyways. I wish I was there for you at that time. And all the other times you needed support but I wasn't. Whether it was due to envy. Or hatred. Or cowardice. I wasn't there. And even worse, I was sometimes the person you needed support to deal with yourself. Instead of being the support for more important things.

Do you remember the abuse I handed down on you? Thankfully never physical or sexual abuse. But the emotional abuse is sometimes the worst of it all. And you put up with it from me. For years. Long enough to make me depend on it atleast. Why was I so angry? So hateful? I know the answer now. Through alot of reflection and therapy. But I doubt you care. Regardless of the reasons, they aren't valid excuses.

I'm not sure if you were aware. That week I stayed there with you. Inflicting my presence on you in person for a while. Neglecting you in person for a while. To change up the pace I guess. One morning your father pulled me to the side. And he said something to the effect of "I know you've been sneaking into my daughter's room at night. Don't lie to me. I'm not going to do anything about it yet. But stop" now this terrified me. And even more, I felt guilt. Because the truth of the matter is, I didn't once sneak in your room at night. Should I have? Even as teenagers I knew I was sexually neglecting you. Mostly because we weren't compatible in that context. I was to hateful and unstable to be attracted to you romantically. I still tried regardless. But it wasn't until that confrontation with your father came to pass that I saw it. And then I still pretended after that anyways. For a few different reasons. But again, reasons. Not excuses. They don't fucking matter. I think your father assumed and accused me. But I was to far out of his context I think. That makes sense right? Lol

I loved you. I love you still. Platonically. Not in a romantic sense. You were my best friend. Through some of my roughest times. We pivoted it into something romantic. But we were stupid unaware teenagers. Lessons learned right? You were my support for some of the roughest parts of my life. And I betrayed that. Did you feel guilty when you heard I attempted suicide? I genuinely don't remember the order of events of that Era that well. But I hope you didn't even hear about it. I hope you grew to hate me for the lesser stuff. I accept that I probably traumatized you with that if you did hear about it. Who knows how you feel about it now but I figured I would atleast say that it wasn't your fault. You weren't even the largest factor. I had been pretending to go to college for a while. I got away with one semester. But at the end of the second semester that was coming up I had completely skipped every class. And every assignment. Every quiz, test, homework assignment. Etc. The grades were going to be released soon. And I had hard labor that I was obligated to do the next morning. And I was to depressed. So I swallowed all the pills. And my fat ass survived as you can see. Genuinely, you were a contributing factor. But even if your support was there instead of gone, the result was probably going to be the same.

I resented you at first. The arrogance was still manifesting. I hate that past me so much. You weren't the only relationship I threw away. Amber is a name in a long list of others. People I've betrayed. Neglected. Abused. Till they turned away from me. All my fault of course. And it isn't until many years later that I could see the burnt bridges behind for miles and miles. Some worse then others. Yours being amongst the worst atrocities I committed. Maybe not morally. But it was one of the worst crimes I committed against myself. I've desperately missed you and your company for years now. Amongst others. I don't think you could compare to the memory of island. Or the trauma of David. But you are the most real. Because your still actually alive. I could message your grandparents, or your father, or even you right now.

But you made it clear. You want me to fuck off. And genuinely, good on you. It hurts. A whole lot. But you don't deserve my bullshit to be inflicted on you again. The strength required is enormous. But I do have enough dignity to not stalk you on the internet. And fall deeper into my own feelings on the matter. Which brings us to today.

You won't believe who I met today. You remember Matt? I'm actually still friends with the guy. And I was traveling to Atlanta to see a concert lol. And I had the opportunity to meet the guy irl for the first time. Weve been friends since 2008 lol! It was a cool opportunity. We sat around and chatted. Family to family. I got to handle his pet snakes. So adorable. And then we went to the concert. Carr (I'm a new fan). Royal the serpent (was kinda meh but I really appreciated her song about inclusion). Bring me the horizon (was the reason I wanted to go and was absolutely amazing to see). And fallout boy (the performance was amazing but I liked their music less the more I hear it. And I've heard them alot).

Now the concert was was in the plans for months. We got tickets as soon as I heard about. I went with mom, falon, and falons boyfriend. We were first going to take some psychedelics. Some shrooms to enjoy the experience. But we decided a couple of weeks ago that we were going to experiment with X instead. Ecstacy. Basically my first "hardcore" drug. I was looking forward to it. The other 3 reacted fine. Had fun. I had a bad reaction. And it caused me to backtrack for a while. Not terribly mind you. I maintained. But ill describe what I felt.

It started cool. The colors and sounds was a bit intense and I was enjoying that. Soon I was really enjoying breathing for a while. Idk why. Drugs are like that. Then it felt like I mentally regressed back to those years. Where I was playing pretend with you. Me before the therapy. And the medication management. And years of positive changes and adulthood. I was 18 again before I made any of the progress i made this last decade. I was dragged back to my youth in the worst way possible. I was hyper aware of anything and everything that triggered bad shit in me. Usually im fine. I internalize it and take it with me to therapy later that week. It was to intense this time. My coping skills were stripped away. And there was so much around me that triggered this evil shit in me again.

If I was still christian, I would think im the manifestation of envy on this planet. I look around and I can only see things I want. Aspects of people I am desperate for myself. Because I could never be happy with just myself. Everyone else always had it better. I outgrew alot of that with age. Making it to nearly 30 teaches you some things. Just because that's how time and consciousness works. (Sorry I'm still a little high. And very tired. I doubt any of this is coherent. And fuck proofreading) but at this moment when I looked around me and saw all the things I could want but never have. Everywhere. Times 100. The heartache returned. I could wax poetic for a while about the nature and feeling of heartache but I suspect it's either something you have felt before or haven't.

I couldn't talk. If I did I would sob. And ruining my families time was the last thing I wanted. They were already worried. But luckily they didn't understand the depth of the issues I was dealing with. But I maintained. I'm good at locking down like that. I can freeze with the best. Not show anything on my face. And just be quiet. Suffering quietly is a specialty of mine. Painstakingly earned. But another skill I learned more recently is to acknowledge when you need help and have a support structure in place if needed. My go to being my best friend (my mom and sister) were out of bounds. I couldn't talk at the time. And it was to important to not ruin their night. This crippling pain was temporary. My support system came to the rescue. Brittany distracted me with tales of her new mop. Naomi assured me of my validity and reminded me of my humanity. Matt assured me I wasn't alone. And trey stuck with me for a while and let me incoherently rant via text about how broken I was. The mvp. More then any of them tho I missed you Amber.

This crippling moment of weakness brought about by reckless drug experimentation and being in an environment with nothing but triggers. The friends I still have. The ones I managed to save from myself lol. They kept me grounded. And I recovered. Tired. Inspired. Self hatred at the highest its been in years. I wanted nothing more but for you to be supporting me again with them. I didn't deserve it at all. But its what I wanted. And so im here writing my first letter in many years. I hope you find it. And come back into my life. In this moment of weakness, its my greatest wish. And its not even one that I have the strength to voice. A display of how weak I am. I've always been. I'll be better in the morning. Emotionally. It'll be a new day. And I'll continue my march. As I'm forced to. I'll still hope for you. Just enough to protect myself. But thank goodness, realistically, you will be spared of my bullshit. Because how would you find this?

Remember when I mocked you for the control scheme you used in wow? I thought myself superior because I was an elite pvm player. Raiding nights with other friends never compared to the times you and I just chatted. I know why I acted like that. Therapy and self reflection. I know myself. But it doesn't matter anymore. Reasons can't be excuses in this context.

Remember how I mocked you for your music taste? I wish I had gotten to know it better. I listen to alot of different things these days. Alot of genres. But mostly still emo like I did back then. I wish I had the opportunity to discuss these things with you now. A friendly chat where we debate the pros and cons of our mutual playlists. I want to see what you listen to now so that I can learn more about you.

Remember how I mocked you for liking Shakespeare? I still don't like his stories. But I can't say I'm actually that familiar with him anyways. But why would a difference in opinion so minor lead to me mocking you? Why was I so angry and arrogant? I know those things about myself now. More then anything I wish we were close enough that you could ask me about it. And you genuinely cared. And we could talk about it. Discussions on psychology and philosophy. But that was a timeline carelessly dashed by a very unstable brat. The worst person on the planet. For me atleast. And I sincerely hope that I wasn't a large enough figure in your life for you to feel the same. Even if I deserve it.

Remember when we were in bed together that one night? In the hotel room? You put my arm around you. A clear invitation to cuddle. Which I was never good at during that period of time. In retrospect, you were obviously insecure. As was I. At the time tho, it was a bright enough message for me to even understand. I just valued my comfort over your ego. I knew there was nothing sexual about it. Human contact was something you craved. And was reasonably expected at that stage in our relationship. I still turned away. Why? If you read this far, you will know how ill respond to that.

One time during a Skype call we were discussing why I didn't make more of an effort to sexually pursue you. I don't remember alot of the conversation. I remember being severely annoyed at it. I pretended it was ignorance and insecurities that stopped me. Because even if it was ignorance and insecurity, it was of a completely different nature then you would think. Or maybe you would. You were always smart. But I doubt you would have guessed. I asked for you to take your clothes off on camera for me. It was something neither of us wanted but both of us assumed we were supposed to at that point. But im glad you had the maturity to say no. I was a good actor during those days. Just not good at playing the very long con. I lost my silver tongue since tho. Apathy gets in the way. Something I struggle with regularly. I only used it as a weapon for harm tho. So good riddance.

I bet if we walked past each other in public, we wouldn't recognize each other. It's been a decade after all. Hard to imagine. Atleast for me. A decade. And I still am capable of loving you so deeply. I know I look massively different these days though. I've left hints in the story above. But I doubt it's even comprehensible. I've worked on summing up my experiences to a short tldr: trans child (due to nature or nurture who knows? But both definitely contribute) struggles with growing up in a southern baptist community and a string of abusive masculine figures. Resorting to anger and privilege I actively worked to harm other peoples egos. Alot of it was motivated by envy. I knew that part. It wasn't until 25 when I started accepting those aspects of myself that I would even hear about things like gender dysphoria. Or that sexuality could be something more then straight, gay, or bi. And that all of it is valid despite the religious indoctrination I was raised in.

I did alot of evil shit. Some of it to you. Amber. And I regret it. Even more, I actively resent that portion of my life. And I miss you. Alot. And tbh that probably isn't even you now. It's the you of 2010. The you preserved in my memories. But the idea of you is still so fucking beautiful and tragic.

Do you remember the day you messaged me? Randomly? I was flying over deepwind gorge. I had no clue at the time that we would have such a tragic adventure together. I was in the air over deepwind gorge on the day we met. I was in the air flying to the timeless isle when you broke up with me. So many years apart.

Fml I hope you are doing well. You sounded resentful when you told me to fuck off in that email. I sincerely hope that it was aimed at me. I hope life has been kind to you. I hope you made it this far without being as broken and jaded as me. I hope you have a new dog that you love a whole lot and I hope they love you too. I hope your scary father and you still get along. I hope you still listen to old 70s music. And still play spore on occasion. Or other rpgs. I hope you are happy the majority of the time. I hope you found someone and you fell in love if thats what you want. I hope you are successful in your career. I hope you haven't experienced any pain since we talked last. I hope I get to talk to you again one day. I hope you will never have to deal with the bullshit or the memories I inflicted on you ever again. I hope that I was a much smaller part of your life then you ended up being in mine. I hope you read this and get in touch. I hope you never read this and it all stops here. I hope this monster of a letter is an incomprehensible mess to anyone who tries to read it. A drugged up speech on trauma and human nature that no one gets. I hope someone reads it and gets some sort of value from it, the distorted ramblings of an occasionally broken human.

Maybe ill write again to you here. But I hope the cracks don't grow enough for me want to. Regardless what the future holds though:

Love,

Stickerz

#transgender #platonic #love #resentment #depressing shit #envy #ramblings #incomprehensible #hope #regret

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coeursetcolores · 10 months

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Ophilia, The Cleric: Chapter 2

WARNING! Spoilers ahead for Chapter 2 of Ophilia’s story in Octopath Traveler!

...Man, it has been a while. Sorry for the wait! If anyone’s still interested, I’ll make sure to update this series a lot more regularly!

I’m determined to finish this game this year! (۶•̀ᴗ•́)۶ So let’s get going!

Alright!

The second chapter reviews begin...NOW!

Starting with...Ophilia!

...

...Okay, I’m not gonna sugarcoat it: This chapter was semi-filler. Only semi because the plot did progress to lead into the next point, but besides the Kindling nothing really happened (in a main plot sense).

The Kindling really was cool to watch, though. The burst of fire was really pretty.

The story was solid, but it didn’t really tell us anything about Ophilia or have her work in an unfamiliar situation. We already know that she likes to help people and that she cares about her family; all this chapter did was reinforce that. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it really doesn’t add much.

Another thing: Just because someone bumps into you, it does not mean it’s their fault if you lose something. It is the result of an accident. Just saying.

The lesson about grieving was good though: It’s okay to be sad, but don’t forget you still have people who care about you. At some point, you have to acknowledge you still have people you love and love you back. That gets neglected to be mentioned sometimes.

Probably need more than a week, though. Also, Derryl’s a kid: kids do mean things. I do appreciate Ophilia’s way of handling things: Calm but firm and making sure they know all the sides to a situation.

Also, Nate’s a little brat. Just saying.

And if the forest is so dangerous, WHY DIDN’T ANYONE PUT UP A FENCE?! Does anyone actually go in there?! No one tried to stop Emil when he was clearly running through a populated town?! What’s up with this city?!

I wonder what happened to that dog...

Not much to say about Hróðvitnir. Literally just there to be a boss. Again, semi-filler chapter. Which really stinks because they have a really cool design, in a muscular-wolf kind of way. Maybe a beast from the legends of the Flame? Guardian of the woods whose land was stolen by the church, maybe giving Ophilia a conflict? There was potential, and all we got was a hungry wolf.

At least we found the brooch. And the apology was nice, Ophilia’s right: No one can hurt you like a friend.

Technically I saved your life Emil, Hróðvitnir was probably just about to eat you both, but okay...

Aww, the Flame reflects Ophilia’s heart! That’s a cute detail.

Simple story, unnecessary but satisfactory.

But oh boy...We got Travel Banter! I have been looking forward to this for SO LONG!

I adore party interactions, especially in RPGs. It’s a great way to flesh out the characters and help show what it’s like for the team when they’re on the road when we can’t see them. Especially in older games like Octopath is based on, party interactions were usually reserved for recruitment and plot progression. Understandable for the time, but I appreciate the development team allowing us to see how the party reacts to events as a whole instead of just the main character. My only wish is that they had full voice acting.

I’m gonna talk about how I feel about each one!

Cyrus: This one was just adorable. Cyrus was so excited and Ophilia actually had someone to talk to that knows why she’s traveling! And she wants him to see the rest, aw! Just sweet.

Alfyn: Poor guy. I can’t blame him, she’s such a cutie (Don’t think she’ll notice, though, seems to be a problem with this team). Nice to see her interested in his job, apothecarys are cool! I like learning about his process.

Primrose: Aww, we got to see Prim’s soft side. I like seeing that even if she’s a vengeance-obsessed femme fatale, she can still be genuinely friendly and supportive. And Phili, you’re not exactly one to talk about outfit practicality: you went sleeveless in the snow and you’re trekking through forests in white, girl.

Tressa: I can’t wait to see Tressa become a parent. Sorry Ophilia, sometimes you gotta be tough and maybe negotiate.

H’aanit: Not much to say, just dog stuff. And forest stuff. Eh. Knowledge?

Therion: If you don’t want to talk about it, WHY’D YOU BRING IT UP?! SHARE YOUR BACKSTORY! Props for being real, though, other people have it hard too.

Olberic: Team Dad! He’s so proud of his little guy. Ophilia agrees with me!

Saintsbridge gives a sleepy atmosphere. Not a bad thing, it’s a calm place, I just assumed a religious town would be more uptight and reserved. The church is lovely but not overwhelming, plaza’s cute, even the division between the upper and lower isn’t that big. The lighting is reminiscent of an early morning glow, and the running stream is gentle and soothing, complimenting the woodsy surroundings. Perfect place to take a nap or buy a treat from the bakery and watch the water...

So of course the dungeon is a horrifying dark forest of doom. ...Now I want black forest gâteau.

Murkwood’s a pretty standard evil forest: Dark, only candlelight, foggy; you get the picture. Not saying it looks bad, pretty much all the backgrounds in this game would make an amazing gallery show; just pretty stereotypical.

But there is one thing I can say.

WE FINALLY GOT A BREAK FROM SUMMON BOSSES!

I was getting, SO TIRED of those.

Honestly I was so happy I didn’t even pay that much attention to the actual fight. Okay, I’m not even gonna try to do fight commentary anymore, I’m not good with mechanics; just gonna stick with reviewing the story, setting and characters.

Now to Goldshore!

...Wait, Goldshore...Is the next chapter a beach episode?!

NO MORE SEMI-FILLER!

#Octopath Rambler #Ophilia Clement #Review #Chapter Two #Octopath Traveler #Grief cw

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phronima-theway · 11 months

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It Can Always Be Worse Right?

It's hard to talk about my past, in some ways it still hurts, but in more ways... Ive become more aware over the years at how much worse it could have been, and all the children who didn't get lucky like I did, people who don't even survive.

So whenever someone asks, I usually say it could have been worse.

There are also a lot of good things in my life that wouldn't be as they are if I was brought through this world in any different way.

All the same, if I am going to share this story, we need to know how it begins.

So I think my actual life began pretty normally, I was born to married parents. I think we were relatively poor, but as a kid I don't think I realized that.

I spent most of my time outside playing with friends, my grandparents lived in the neighborhood so I got to see them all the time.

We lived in FL and there were tons of ducks. I loved rescuing babies with my dad and taking them to the wildlife preserve across the ferry.

Sounds pretty normal right?

Well, from my earliest memories there is also 1 specific thing that has always stood out.

Ive always hated my mother, she was a terrible person to us and my dad. Even as a child I knew that.

My earliest memory is her screaming at my grandpa for trying to make me feel better about a stupid pool hose...

And watching my dog try to swim away in a boat dock area after she threw him in and drove away.

Or how she'd sit and mock me while I tried to clean the house for my dad.

She was mean, neglectful, hateful, and used to leave us outside of bars or home alone whenever my dad was at work because she was literally cheating on him.

I was molested as a kid by my dad's best friend and even after it was found out, she was dating him before he went to jail.

When my dad found out he had cancer, she told him she couldn't wait until he died before she just dissapeared from our lives all together.

I knew this... even as a kid, and has taken many years as an adult to heal from the type of pain her complete lack of existence or care about my life has caused.

I still don't speak to her, but I can understand she is just fallen, and honestly, her absence has been a blessing even though the other things in my life.

She won't be a big part of the story going forward, she never has been, but when I look back at my beginning...

I had love- and it was very traumatically ripped away from me.

And where I SHOULD have found comfort, I had none.

Thats a bit cryptic, but a hint at next time, where I'll talk a little more about when things started going wrong.

#lifestories #bad moms #trauma

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kodzuvii · 3 years

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ON TRACK! ✩ [14: so, I guess we’re soulmates?]

next: [15: the rock wannabe]

pairing - iwaizumi hajime x fem!reader

genre - crack + fluff :) soulmate au!

synopsis - In a world where soulmates can hear the songs their partner is singing or listening too at any time, Iwaizumi Hajime wants to know who his soulmate is so he can give them a piece of his mind and tell them to stop singing along to soft lofi songs while he’s in the middle of practice because it’s seriously ruining his cool, calm, and collected image.

wc: 4k

warnings!: grammar issues plz ignore + awkward phone call between two overthinking teenagers?

a/n: this is severely long overdue and I apologize deeply for that. the taglist for this series is open! more info will be found in the note after the story! ty :)

“Nee-chan’s weakness #16: overthinks more often than usual when under a lot of pressure”

Akaashi loved you. He really did. But if the higher-ups gave him an option to choose a new older sister, then maybe, just maybe, he would consider taking it. As he watched you frantically pace around his room with your dog (who looked quite scared) in your arms, he wondered if you viewed him more of a personal therapist rather than a little sibling.

His evening was going normal. After a long day of practice, all he intended to do was read a book after dinner and maybe watch a movie with Tofu afterwards just before bed. Nowhere in his plans were for you to barge into his room unannounced with an evident look of panic on your face while mumbling incoherent words.

Your hair was a mess and you were clad in an oversized sweater and superman pajama pants with Tofu in one of your arms while your phone was being held tightly in your other hand. All he could get from the words leaving your lips at a 1.75 playback speed was “soulmate” and “phone call” and “not ready.”

Akaashi watched you stop in your tracks and pull out his desk chair. You plopped yourself onto the seat, face warm and flushed as you tried to recall how you were feeling. “No Keiji I’m telling you that any second now, my soulmate is gonna call me and uhm? Quite frankly, my brain can’t process that and I am fucking scared.”

Akaashi hummed, “nee-chan calm down.” Tofu then jumped out of your arms and leaped onto Akaashi’s bed. He walked up and cuddled up near the setters side which made Akaashi smile before turning his attention back to you.

You rolled your eyes and crossed your legs and spun around on his chair, “no Kei this is serious. This first phone call is basically equivalent to a meet-cute which also means the first impressions. I feel like his first impression already isn’t good because I literally injured his friend so this is my moment to redeem myself” you rambled.

Akaashi made eye contact with Tofu and even the poor dog looked concerned at your state.

“Kei, what if this is all a mistake? I mean the universe must be against me somehow right? What if he hates me the moment I answer and then next thing you know he’s telling me that he wants us to reject each other and then I’m gonna be left all alone to roam around this miserable world and-mph!”

You flinched back as you felt a soft pillow collide with your face and stop your ramble. You looked down at the pillow on the floor and snapped your head up to your brother, “what was that for!” Akaashi rolled his eyes and petted Tofu with his right hand, “you overthink too much” he replied simply.

You narrowed your eyes at him but you couldn’t come up with any comeback in your head. He was right after all. You groaned and stood up from the spinny chair and walked over to his bed before belly-flopping down. You leaned over and grabbed the blue pillow near his headboard and Akaashi watched as you screamed into the plush material.

You were losing it.

“This sucks Keiji, I’m terrible at phone calls. I don’t even answer Otosan’s phone calls so how the fuck am I supposed to answer my soulmates?”

In Miyagi, Iwaizumi unknowingly found himself in a similar state as you. The moon was shining from his window and the light cascaded a soft glow into his room. With his windows wide open, he could feel the cool breeze blowing in and slightly brushing over his face. But the breeze didn’t help calm his nerves at all.

Iwa was a simple guy, really he was.

As someone who meditated regularly as well as found good coping mechanisms that would help calm his stress levels down, you would think that he’d be relaxed in this situation.

But no, Iwa was also internally panicking. Being the stubborn boy he was, he tried to play it off and cool himself down by fooling himself into believing that he was fine and that he had everything under control.

He didn’t

Iwa cracked his neck and looked back down at his phone. He was sitting on the sides of his bed, hand gripping tightly onto his phone as his eyes stared at your number displayed on the screen right under your name and his thumb barely hovering over the call button.

“Okay. I’m gonna do it,” he thought to himself for the nth time in the past 10 minutes.

He took a deep breath and gave himself an internal word of encouragement and made the move. ‘So close’ he thought. “This is it, I’m gonna do it” But just as his thumb barely, just barely, made contact with the screen, he pulled it back and harshly threw his phone at his pillow. He closed his eyes and groaned in frustration as he fell back, his back hitting his mattress.

This was starting to piss him off.

It was just a phone call.

Him simply contacting and talking verbally to someone through his phone.

He was fine.

Right?

Yeah no, he was totally fine. Pft He’s had phone calls before. In fact, he had done it several times with several people (that’s a lie he only picks up to his parents and maybe Oikawa on good days) Why was this so hard? Phone calls are a natural thing. Especially in the 21st century. He wasn’t some old man who had no idea how to talk on the phone.

He got this.

But wait, did you even want him to call you first? What if you wanted to call him first? Wait what if he asked you during the wrong time and you’re tired?

Iwaizumi then lifted his head slightly to look at the clock on his bedside table. It was 8 pm. It wasn’t that late right? You would’ve told him if you were busy right? Wait what if you’re an early bird who liked catching a full 12 hours of sleep. Or what if you were just too scared to tell him you weren’t in the mood to call. God, there were so many factors he should’ve thought about before asking you. He blinked and heaved a frustrated sigh as he looked up to his ceiling. This was a lot harder than he’d thought.

If there was one thing he learned from Oikawa’s fangirls is that girls are scary.

You were no exception to that idea.

Iwaizumi took a deep breath before pulling himself back up and leaned over to grab his phone. He turned it to the side and made sure once again that his ringer was on and that the volume was all the way up just in case you know, you wanted to call first and save him from all the stress he was feeling.

He stared at your contact information and gripped his phone tighter. Your contact didn’t even have a photo and your name was just ‘Akaashi Y/n’ on his phone. Everything that happened between you two from the past couple of weeks flooded his head and he couldn’t help but internally cringe. He silently cursed at Oikawa for bringing him into this situation because maybe, just maybe, he could’ve held off this first phone call and wait for a couple of years when his voice would be a lot deeper and he would be a lot cooler and he wouldn’t be sitting on his bed with a pathetic expression while listening to his phone ring and-

Wait,

Ring?

Iwaizumi’s eyes widened as he now realized that he must’ve subconsciously pressed the call button on his screen. This was it, there was no turning back now. His olive-green eyes stared blankly at his screen. He kept blinking and re-reading your name and just hoping silently that it would change from your name to Oikawa’s so he could yell out all his frustration at him.

A couple of seconds went by before the ringing stopped and he felt his breath hitch when his ears picked up the sound of your voice on the other line.

“Hello?”

Oh, shit this was really happening

It’s been 3 seconds, shut up Hajime.

Iwaizumi cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck with his free hand.

“Hey, Akaashi-chan right?”

“Mhm but please just call me Y/n! oh and uh hi Iwaizumi-kun”

Iwaizumi blinked, he doesn’t know why but he felt his cheeks heat up as he heard his name come out of your lips. Iwaizumi cleared his throat before bringing a hand to scratch the back of his neck, “Uh- how are you doing?” he asked. Oh my god, you probably picked up on how unconfident he sounded. This is horrible. He winced and brought his hand to his forearm, rubbing it in an attempt to ease down his nerves.

“I’m doing okay, did you uhm-- eat yet??”

Iwaizumi stiffened, taken back a bit at the question but you interrupted him before he could reply. “I-I’m guessing you got back from practice not too long ago right? Assuming you stayed back late and stuff,” you trailed off. Wincing at your own awkwardness. Iwaizumi pinched his forearm and chuckled nervously, “No-uhm you’re right I got back a couple of hours ago. And yeah, I ate already. Did you?” He asked back, You shook your head, “no not yet. Been busy reviewing and all that stuff” you answered truthfully as you glanced up at your stacks of opened notebooks and coloured highlighters messily spread around all over your desk.

Iwaizumi grunted, his nervousness momentarily washing away as concern came over him. “Y/n, you can’t neglect your health. Cut some fruit up or something” You froze for a second at how stern he sounded just now. Then you realized that this could just be his natural voice and you’re just reading into it too much. Oh god you were starting to overthink again. How did Bokuto and your brother get past their first conversation?

Your silent curses towards the world were cut short when you realized that too many seconds passed and Iwaizumi was still waiting for your reply. Like you do in any unsure situation, you stifled a laugh and nodded while scratching your knee awkwardly, “I will I will.”

A long line of silence then came through and there were no other words to describe it other than awkward. The faint buzzing of your phone sounded louder than ever. You could hear the wind blowing, the clock ticking, and the way your legs would shuffle against each other as you fidgeted. The silence between you two was long, tense, and uncomfortable. The kind of silence that made people want to die on the inside. You both started to question the situation you were in. You had the same goal, both wanting to learn more about your soulmate. Yet you’re lack of comfort and his lack of confidence made things more nerve wracking than it should be.

In an attempt to ease the tension, you tried to think of something you could say that would loosen both of you up. A quick little sentence that was casual and good for conversation starters. You thought for a second, trying to recall your favourite movie couples and what words they said to each other during their meet cute. You needed something smooth, simple, but something that could address the situation you were in. It then clicked in your mind, 5 words, 5 syllables (or did it count as 7?) whatever.

All your time spent watching incredibly dramatic romance movies has led up to this moment.

“So…” you started in a casual tone.

“I guess we’re soulmates huh?”

The moment those words left your mouth your mind short-circuited and you wanted the ground to swallow you up whole. It definitely sounded way cooler in your head. God what were you thinking? And why did you make it sound like it was a question. stupid. Barely 10 minutes in and you’ve already embarrassed yourself.

You fell back onto your bed (Akaashi kicked you out of his room) and covered your hand over your mouth and moved your phone away from your face and let out a tiny scream so that Iwa would not be able to hear. Maybe you weren’t as smooth as you thought. However, that didn’t matter anymore. The words had been said and now the embarrassment was eating you up and every single bad scenario you had previously imagined began to cloud your mind. This was it, you’re soulmate definitely thought you were a loser, bye-bye happiness and hello staying sad and single until you fall into your grave.

Your ears perked up when you heard him clear his throat. You sat up, moved your phone closer to your ear as you anticipated his reply.

“Yeah I guess”

Your body tensed up at how unsure and bored he sounded. And you thought this moment couldn’t become anymore embarrassing. You physically felt your soul leave your body the moment he spoke those words in such a bored tone. This is gonna be a moment that would forever haunt you in the years to come.

Phone calls were neither of you guys’ strong suits and that fact was clearly evident in the way neither of you knew what to say next. While you could handle carrying yourself in real-life conversations, the closeness of someone's voice against your ear and their lack of presence in front of you made things made things more stressful than it should be. Iwaizumi was naturally not much of a talker, he usually let his flamboyant best friend that was joint to his hip take control of conversations. It didn’t help that most people found him rather intimidating and unapproachable.

The silence stretched out for another minute and the longer before you decided to speak up once again. You agreed to call because you wanted to learn more about him, your soulmate, and there was no way you could learn anything about him by just listening to the faint sounds of his breath through your phone. You shook your head and gave yourself a mini pep talk in your head.

Come on Y/n, pussy up bitch.

“Iwaizumi-kun I’m gonna be honest-”

Iwaizumi's hands that were playing with the cotton material of his sweatpants froze. His voice got stuck in his throat and a part of him became worried. Curse his lack of conversational abilities. He was too lost in second guessing himself while structuring his sentences about what he wanted to say to realize that you were probably waiting for him to say something. Did he already mess things up with his soulmate?

“-I suck at phone calls. Like, I’m terrible at it and I’m honestly really nervous right now because this whole thing is a bit overwhelming but I want to get to know more about you because well, you seem pretty cool” you rambled and were met with silence on the other line. Iwaizumi suddenly felt himself get flustered the moment you said that he was cool.

You sighed and continued, trying to ease the way your heart was pounding against your chest. “Truthfully I don’t know what to say or what we should talk about, so we can start with the basics, yeah?” You cleared your throat and straightened yourself up as you took a deep breath.

“Hi Iwaizumi-kun, I’m Y/n”

It took a moment for his mind to process the words you said. Basics. Yeah, he was capable of doing that. After taking a deep breathe, one that was meant to give him some sort of encouragement, he replied. You felt chills go up your back as his gruff voice echoing through the speaker;

“Hey, I’m Iwaizumi”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

First real conversations were never easy. A part of you felt like you were back in your first year of junior high when your teacher was forcing you to play ice-breaker games in an attempt to get to know the people in your class. The questions were the usual “what’s your favourite food?”, “when's your birthday?”, etc etc.

However, instead of getting to know your classmates, the game would usually just result in everyone staring at one another as they waited for someone to speak up. An awkward tension cutting into the classroom as everyone simultaneously realizes that everyone was kinda lame and boring and that they don’t really wanna get to know the people who sat beside them.

You hoped that wouldn’t be the case with Iwaizumi. You’ve known you’d had a soulmate since middle school. Since then, you’ve always fantasized about your meet-cute. You’ve watched many romantic movies and read more than enough manga to fuel your brain with endless cute imaginations and ideas.

But alas, the reality of the world is that cute scenarios are simply meant to live in fictional stories. Akaashi had even told you that you needed to humble down your expectations to save yourself from disappointment in the future.

The first couple words exchanged in your conversation weren’t poetic words of love confessions and sweet nothings. They were typical, short common questions that people generally use to learn more about each other. The expected “when’s your birthday?” and “what do you do in your free time?”

You learned about how his birthday was during June, his favourite colour was dark green, he liked agedashi tofu, and how he spent his free time doing some sort of exercise or physical activity. Iwaizumi was also relatively quiet, truth be told you did most of the talking while he said quiet words to let you know that he was still listening. Along with being quiet, he was private. A direct contrast to you. You were an open book, your mouth moved faster than your mind and you had not much of a problem telling him about little details about yourself.

Iwaizumi on the other hand was selective on what he wanted to tell you. Iwaizumi was simple. A down to earth guy who had his own little sense of edginess to him. He was levelheaded and was someone who strived for realistic goals rather than unreasonable daydreams. You caught that when he simply answered that his goal right right now was to attend nationals with his best friend. When you asked if he had further goals, he simply said that everything else was too far into the future and was out of his reach. You could also tell that even though he used names such as “piece of trash” and “shittykawa” to describe his said best friend, he cared for him in his own way.

Iwaizumi always had a feeling that his soulmate would be the more talkative one out of the two of them. He wasn’t reserved per se, just wasn’t one to ramble over things when deemed unnecessary. You on the other hand could talk for hours. Just from listening to your speaking patterns and tone of voice, you were bright and confident. You found ways to stray away from the original topic and talk about something completely different. On top of learning about your birthday, favourite food, colour, and basically everything he told you, he also somehow learned about your allergy to raspberries, your admiration for early 2000s movies, how you had a dog who you also considered like another brother, and now he was listening to you retell a story about how you got into baking and cooking.

You were carefree once you became comfortable. Your voice was captivating, one that made people always pay attention to whatever you were saying. He listened intently as you went on about your story, he hummed here and there to indicate that he was listening and nodded along even though he knew you wouldn’t see.

A part of him felt relieved to hear you speak so freely. While you never directly came to him, he could tell from your Twitter rants that you were going through a lot of stress from school. Iwaizumi may have only met you formally recently, but he’s listened to your taste in music long enough to have an idea about how the songs you were playing indicated your moods. You had been playing such gloomy music during the past couple of weeks but he was still too nervous and felt like he was overstepping a line if he became too upfront and told you to tell him what’s wrong.

Yeah, you were soulmates, but you technically didn’t know him just like how he didn’t know you.

Nonetheless, a part of him felt relieved at hearing the genuine excitement in your voice because he knew that at this very moment, you were feeling okay.

“-and that’s how I baked a cake to persuade my brother into not telling our Mom that we sneaked out to the convenience store at 4 am,” you said cheerfully as you recalled the memory. You had switched from sitting at your bed to now sitting on your chair and leaning your upper body onto your desk. You moved your word out of the way and had your elbows propped up on the surface of your desk, your head leaning onto your phone in your hands. A part of you felt giddy when you heard the faintest chuckle come from the other end of the line.

The awkward tension between you two was fizzling out and you no longer felt as nervous as you did in the beginning. You were slowly and surely becoming a bit more comfortable with his presence. Truthfully, Iwaizumi still felt a bit awkward. Not that he minded you talking a lot, he just didn’t know what to say and was worried that you found him boring like how Oikawa said he was.

He really was trying. It just wasn’t in his character to be so open about himself.

“Y/n, you know how dangerous that could've been?”

“Shh, my brother was practically a giant back when we were in junior high so he was enough to scare any creeps away. Plus, I already knew then that the elbow is the strongest point in the body so I would’ve been able to fight any sort of dangerous threat!” you exclaimed. “That is not a good excuse,” he replied in an unamused tone.

You huffed, “At least I know something about self-defence” you attempted to reason. You only heard Iwaizumi reply with a simple ‘tched’ which made you laugh.

It was then that you looked onto the clock at the corner of your desk and realized how late it was and it was also then that you remembered that you still had some notes that you wanted to write up before you went to bed. Curse University prep. You were so lost in your conversation with the boy that time slipped past your mind along with your other responsibilities. Just when you two had started getting into a comfortable rhythm too. You sighed sadly which immediately caught Iwaizumi’s attention.

“Hey, what’s up?” he asked. You shook your head and removed your phone from your ear and pressed the speaker button on your phone screen. You placed your phone on your desk and stood up to organize the notebooks you had pushed aside on your desk. “Nothing bad, just remembered I had a couple more notes I wanted to finish up before bed,” you said with a hint of sadness in your voice. You wanted to continue your conversation with him and you really weren’t in the mindset to review your nutrition notes right now.

Iwaizumi paused to take a moment to look up at his wall clock and realized that it was nearing midnight. Iwaizumi felt a twinge of guilt inside of him when he realized that he kept you up so late. This was even past his own scheduled bedtime.

“I didn’t mean to keep you up so late, my bad” he apologized. You stifled a laugh as a tired smile spread on your lips. “It’s not your fault. Something tells me that you’re the type of person who sleeps early so I should be apologizing for keeping you up” you replied.

You suddenly yawned and stretched your arms over your head, “I’m gonna finish up and call in for the night. You should get some rest Iwaizumi-”

“Go to bed” You flinched slightly at how serious his voice got.

“It’s late, you can finish up your notes tomorrow. Studying when you’re tired isn’t healthy. Get some sleep so you won’t feel extra tired and groggy tomorrow morning. If you’re gonna stay up, at least go and make yourself something to eat for tomorrow so you feel energized”

You smiled tiredly, “I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you Iwaizumi-kun. Oh and thank you for tonight, I enjoyed talking to you and I hope we can do this again” you shyly suggested. You closed your eyes as you clutched the material of your sweater to your chest as you waited for his answer. Iwaizumi felt a sense of relief rush into him knowing that you enjoyed talking to him. A sense of his self doubt momentarily washing away. You didn’t hear a reply for a moment and it worried you that you might’ve said the wrong thing. But a couple of moments passed before you heard a faint “Me too”

You moved your hand to hover over the red call button on your screen,

“Goodnight Iwaizumi-kun, sleep well”

“You too, Y/n”

The ‘beep’ from your phone indicating the call had ended echoed through your room. You stared at your phone for a moment as it dawned on you that you just had your first real conversation with your soulmate. And yeah it wasn’t the large extravagant straight-out-of-movie scene you had always envisioned but that didn’t matter. What mattered now was that you had talked to your soulmate and you knew a little bit more about him and he knew a little bit more about you.

It was a start.

You yawned and stretched your arms up over your head once again and sighed in relief when you felt your back crack. Your arms dropped to your side and you frowned as your eyes looked down at your notebooks that you had now neatly stacked in your hands. You realized that you were far too tired to even open up your textbooks, let alone finish a couple pages of notes.

Thinking back to what Iwaizumi said, you could always tune in early for the night and finish everything up tomorrow in the library. Plus, waking up to something to energizing to eat didn’t sound so bad. It wasn’t going to take long and you figured you had a bit more energy left to cut up some fruit before surrendering yourself to sleep.

Content with your decision you turned around and made your way towards your door. However, just as you were about to step out you heard three buzzes from your phone come back to back. Curiously, you walked back towards your desk and leaned down to read the message:

“Hey, if you need someone to study with then let me know and we can facetime and I can keep you company. If you want to of course. No pressure if you’re not up for it”

“Oh and grapefruits are really good to have the morning by the way, they’re refreshing”

“rest well.”

a/n: hello! This chapter is very long overdue and I’m really sorry about that. I’m not gonna go into it but just know that this series is back and I hope to keep a steady flow of updates going :)

I struggled a lot with writing this chapter partly because I myself am terrible at phone calls but I hope this gives an insight to difference between Iwa and Yn!

I will be opening up taglist for any of my newer readers who would like to keep up with the updates of “on track!” Feel free to comment or send me a message : ) Regarding my current taglist, it’s been months and I’ve noticed a lot of people changed their @s so I tried to find everyone who changed their users. If I accidentally tagged you and you weren’t on my list let me know + inform me if i also missed you. If you no longer want to be added, then please let me know if you would like to be removed from the taglist. Thank you all so much for your patience and feel free to let me know about your thoughts down below :)

++ I just want to clarify iwaizumi’s initial care for Y/n’s well-being isn’t meant to be interpreted as “omg he’s falling for her already” and should be seen as just someone who cares about his soulmate and wants them to be healthy. He knows that YN is his soulmate and cares about her because of that. But it’s more of a platonic care at the moment. They’re soulmates, yes, but he’s not in love with her and Y/n is not in love with him (yet at least) ya gets?

yeah i’m just a fan of slow burn

I just wanted to say that just because I’m not confident in the way I wrote him 😅 thank you so much again for reading!

taglist! [OPEN; comment or send an ask to be added!]

@aircorumble @bunnyuuji-archive @cloudsvna @donteathecake @iloveyouasmuchaspoohloveshoney @sunabrainrot @tadashi-simp @agaashesmilktea @sbaepsae @vicassa @akaashikeijisthighs @mariachiii @ayocee @starsinthepavement @cece-lives-here @elianetsantana @gxrleexis-arctic-monks @ssaihanuweol @sazunari @kenmacorps @simping-for-tendou @intoomuchfandoms @vxnna @froyopet @komouri @idek-at-thispoint @volexis @insomniish @amberisnotcrazy @maramalademadara @faewraithsworld @mjoork @mindofess @dreamstormings @h0ngh0ngh0ng @keekee-732 @daewengol @amessypan @applekenm @ptv-hades @killlerqween @bakusquadz @bbymilkbread @bbyhaji @sophie-duck @marissaraeblr @kellesvt

tags continue in comments w/ my main🤍

#haikyuu #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu smau #haikyuu social media au #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu soulmate au #iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi hajime x reader #iwaizumi smau #iwaizumi hajime smau #haikyuu fluff #iwaizumi fluff #on track!

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