#and often times whether they have good opinions is completely beside the point

[ecruvian]

I have cracked the code (again)

The secret to having fun on Tumblr isn't just block and move on, it's also to find all the blogs run by people with advanced degrees or long career experience in a field. Literally any field. I don't mean follow blogs about law or medicine or physics or game design or whatever. Just find people who know about those things, and also use Tumblr, then follow them. Your feed quality just straight up gets better.

And I think I know why. You see, this is the Discourse Site. It doesn't matter if you follow it for memes or fandoms or mindless shitposts or cute art or something else; unless you are phenomenally strict about who you follow, you'll end up with stuff that's not what you came here for, and eventually that will mean Discourse.

People who have spent decades getting good at formulating and articulating intelligent, thought-out, evidence-backed opinions are Better at Discourse. They choose more interesting topics to engage with. They say more interesting things. It doesn't even matter if they're right. They'll still make your feed much better.

[ariainstars]

How to Portray Real Love - and How Not to

Warning: long post.

Call Me by Your Name (2017)

To anyone who loves this movie:

I will not apologize for what I am going to write. It’s my own take, yes, but in my opinion all of this ought to be obvious to anyone watching the movie.

I will not refer to André Aciman’s book, not having read it.

I am Italian and I grew up in places like we see in the movie. I’m not denying that the way it’s shot and the general atmosphere are often gorgeous, but that was not sufficient to convince me that this movie is romantic, probably because I’m used to it.

What This is Not: Grooming / Sexual Predation

Reading up reactions to this movie, I have stumbled often over criticism about the age gap between the two protagonists. In my opinion this is beside the point: we are speaking of 7 years, not of a generational gap, and Oliver is still a student. Elio is mature for his age, and after some initial reticence, he approaches Oliver by himself over and over. His family knows and encourages (or at least doesn't oppose) them, and Elio has more than one opportunity to say no, which he doesn’t take.

Oliver is not a predator. He’s confused, but that’s not because he doesn't feel the attraction between himself and Elio: he simply doesn’t understand it.

Elephant in the room no. 1: Oliver is a bad person.

Oliver comes across as irreverent and self-absorbed. He does not respect boundaries, does not knock on doors, does not fit in with the lifestyle and customs of his hosts, only occasionally he does things that will make people think well of him. Early in their acquaintance he expects Elio to tell him what he is going on in his head but doesn't do the same in return (he never does, even later); his entire behaviour seems to be aimed at irritating and challenging his surroundings.

There is no depth in Oliver, no creativity, contrarily to Elio who already composes at age 17; somehow Oliver seems to know that he is the inferior one. At times he is downright offensive to Elio, for no reason at all, like he wasn’t a guest in their house. Oliver moves around in a foreign place like everybody owes him; he does not wonder, question, ask for explanations. He plays with Elio’s youthful insecurity, who is still hardly shaving and feels in the shadow of Oliver’s allegedly superior manliness. It is not surprising that to Elio he soon appears as some kind of handsome, unreachable prince.

Oliver is the kind of person who manages, on purpose or not, to convince the people around him that he is someone special, irresistible, and that being his friend or lover is a privilege. Elio falls for it, and Oliver picks the fruit of that attraction. Oliver does not love Elio because he does not love anyone, being too busy with thinking of himself.

At first Elio doesn’t like him; he notices that although Oliver never shows regard for anyone, he gets away with it. Elio’s family and friends fall for his self-assuredness and expect him to befriend Oliver. Piqued by the fact that Elio is the only person who is wary around him (with good reason!), Oliver repeatedly behaves in a way that frustrates Elio, repeatedly invading his private space, ignoring his limits, alternating insults with niceties, giving him attention one minute and completely ignoring him the next. And he never seems scheming picking at Elio’s insecurities whenever he gets a pass: it’s like second nature to him. He doesn’t do it because he loves Elio and doesn’t want to admit it, because he’s scared or something like that; he does it because he can, and because it works. He wants Elio to look up to him the way everybody does. After a while, the insecure Elio gets obsessed with wanting the older man’s approval.

Oliver starts a relationship with Elio knowing that the younger man has a girlfriend; he doesn’t even ask about her, whether Elio broke up with her etc. Oliver seems to believe that Elio owes him his undivided attention. By keeping their relationship a secret, Oliver makes the hapless Elio his accomplice. Even if he wanted to or if he would slowly begin to suspect that something's not right, he couldn’t talk to anyone about it. No one would believe him anyway, since everybody thinks the world of Oliver.

Oliver humiliates Elio, who by then is his lover, when he finds out about the peach: he laughs at him, not with him. (Why was Elio masturbating anyway, while he was in a sexual relationship?) When they are in Bergamo Oliver starts partying with random strangers on the street (with a woman!) when Elio is about to be sick: an observant lover would have noticed it before it was too late. Although they live under the same roof, he never sleeps in the same bed with him but gets up earlier, even when they are sharing a hotel room. He never tells Elio what is making him refrain from intimacy.

Oliver destroys Elio’s creativity by commenting negatively both on his composition and his impassioned love letter; we never see the young man making music or writing again. Shouldn’t a person in requited love feel inspired and happy and want to sing and play all day long? That he gives up on his interests already foreshadows the deep depression Elio is destined to fall into.

Viewers who love this movie like to argue that Oliver is so distant because he’s afraid of hurting Elio or shy because he’s in the closet. But it’s plain to see that Oliver knows exactly what he’s doing. He just doesn’t understand why because he’s not the kind of person who second-guesses himself. He’s controlling a power play with a younger man, probably because he doesn’t know how to have a genuine relationship with anyone. And Elio is too defenceless against him. When his mother comes to pick him up at the railway station and his voice breaks on the phone, it is obvious what a child Elio still is interiorly. He didn’t grow up through this relationship. He didn’t know what he was getting into and then had to pay the full price for another man’s egotism.

As the movie comes to a close, we can see that what he and Elio shared did hit Oliver harder than he had expected, but not enough for him to change, or only to reflect about it. Oliver is not aware of what he’s doing to Elio; to him everything is fun and games while to Elio it’s a life-changing experience.

Elephant in the room no. 2: Elio is not in love, he’s hooked.

Elio begins to imitate Oliver like a younger brother would do with the older - he smokes, wears a Jewish symbol on a chain, he has sex with Marzia only to prove a point because he knows Oliver had sex with Chiara. After a while, he gets obsessed with wanting the older man’s approval, for him to see him as an equal instead of an annoying boy he can either ignore or boss around.

Being both intellectual and highly sensitive, Elio believes that the more experienced and seemingly more mature Oliver must know the answers to life’s most burning questions; which Oliver doesn’t, as much as Elio wishes he would.

There isn’t the slightest sign of genuine love coming from Oliver; he only takes. Elio, being a giving, honest person, falls into a trap. Oliver has caught Elio and also half a dozen other people in his net, but he never had the slightest intention to put his roots down and actually like anyone back. Oliver’s attitude towards Elio is avoidant, but that is not because he wants to prevent him or himself from getting hurt; it’s because he doesn’t want to get attached and have to face the consequences.

In the scene where we first see Oliver interact with the family, he says at breakfast that he shouldn’t eat an egg because otherwise he’ll eat two, three, and more until they will have to roll him away. This already shows what kind of person Oliver is: he doesn’t know when to stop. Elio mistakenly believes that this lack of restrain, this want of limits is a sign of superior maturity and self-assuredness. He won’t realize to the last that in truth this attitude shows nothing short of a total lack of responsibility.

Elio says so to his father once: he does not play poker. Oliver is a poker player through and through. Despite the poetic request to “call him by his name”, Oliver remains shrouded in mystery. He does not change; while Elio wakes up, both sexually and emotionally.

There also is the symbolism: the dying fish gasping its least breath with eyes wide open (symbolizing Elio), the bronze statue, beautiful but cold and lifeless (symbolizing Oliver). The connection is made by the fact that both tokens come from the water.

All Oliver wanted and expected was to spend a good time in Italy with no strings attached. Which also is why we hardly see him working and studying, the way he’s supposed to. After all he did to Elio, his final revelation that he has a girlfriend and is about to marry her is only the coup de grâce.

Elephant in the room no. 3: Elio’s father is a fool.

I couldn’t bring myself to admire Elio’s father for what he said to his son, presumably wanting to comfort him: that “it had been a particularly beautiful thing between them”, and “he wished he would have made such an experience.”

How does he know what happened in detail? Does he know what is in these two young men’s hearts? Does he know about the humiliations Oliver inflicted on Elio? Probably not, but in any case, Oliver has given him no reason to believe that he’s a good person the way he claims.

We did not see father and son interact at all before this scene. All we learn is that both Elio’s parents expect their son to be nice to their guest and to befriend him, and that they don’t mind if there is more than friendship. We never learn whether Elio’s father loves him and cares for him (at least his mother shows affection from time to time). Imagine needing to have your entire world and happiness destroyed just so your father will finally give you some attention and kindness.

Elio’s father never changes his mind, even when he learns that Oliver is getting married. A caring, responsible father would have opened his son’s eyes about the fact that he was used and then discarded. I have no clue as to why any queer person would want their parent to do anything like that to them, leaving their heart open to bleed.

Add to this that he does not ask whether they used protection. The movie is set in 1983, and the first AIDS wave struck in 1981. Papa Perlman doesn’t seem to mind that his son might have caught a horrible, incurable disease, all that matters is that his son had sex with another male. Yay. (Maybe he believes in the adage that true love exists only between members of the same sex, who knows.)

I guess this little speech is meant to be politically correct. Woe if you dare to see the dysfunction in a relationship when it’s same-sex.

Elephant in the room no. 4: Elio did not need Oliver.

When we meet him, Elio is well-educated, living in a beautiful place where he also grew up, he has a supportive family, enough free time (they even have servants), he’s healthy and serene and he has a girlfriend. He’s intelligent, well-learned and creative.

When we last see him, he’s devastated, staring into the fire and crying for minutes on end.

Oliver is not “only” a sexual predator. He’s a textbook manipulator, the sexual part isn’t even what it’s about. Manipulators may want money, sex, attention from their victims or a combination of these, but what they always want is power. They rejoice in the knowledge that their prey is ready to do whatever they want at their command, that they can’t live without them, at least not happily. Oliver would have taken anything Elio gave him and crushed it, not just his sexuality. Just imagine the pain Elio must feel now every time someone says his own name, or when he goes to his “special place” by the creek! He can’t compose, play the guitar or write any more, because everything reminds him of Oliver. And all of the time, Oliver had the chance to either avoid a relationship with him or to let go once he had left him; but you need some basic common decency for that.

Oliver realized quickly that Elio, though younger, is much better than he is, healthier, smarter, more accomplished, more innocent, honest and kind-hearted. Oliver took all that, used it or destroyed it and left Elio in the shards of his former self, no longer in a position to enjoy the things and the people he used to love, tortured additionally by the knowledge that Oliver is about to marry someone else, i.e. that Elio apparently wasn’t good enough for him. Elio ends like a modern Pygmalion, crying about the fact that all of his love could not bring the object of his adoration to life; hence also the parallel between Oliver and the statue.

Elephant in the room no. 5: Elio is not gay, he’s bisexual. (Maybe.)

Elio has a girlfriend when we first meet him; it is also hinted at that before Marzia, he was with Chiara. No sign of a boyfriend anywhere. No sign even of some brotherly male friend to whom he might feel unconsciously attracted.

Elio enjoyed his first sexual experience with Marzia, we hear him cry out “That feels so good!” He then starts an affair with Oliver, but nothing suggests that he likes it any better. Yes, he keeps sleeping with him, not with her; but she didn’t manipulate him for weeks into believing that without her he would be missing out, the way Oliver did.

If Oliver was a woman of 24 years who would seduce Elio, dragging him away from his girlfriend, and then dumping him to marry another guy, everybody would call her a heartless bitch. In this case, Elio’s supposed sexual awakening supersedes everything else. Which is probably the main reason why so many viewers insist that there was nothing wrong and unhealthy between them. The relationship between Elio and Oliver can’t have been sick and dysfunctional, because Elio apparently “needed to realize that he's gay (or bi).” Never mind that he was traumatized for life.

In the end, Elio is alone; Oliver has left him for good, and he can’t go back to Marzia. Had Oliver not interfered Elio might have missed out a nuance on his sexuality, but he wouldn't have had his heart broken, and he would have a girlfriend who is a sweet and kind girl, never manipulates him and even offers him friendship and comfort after he dumped her for no reason (after having taken her virginity no less).

Part 6: Elio Always Had a Choice.

Elio wasn’t forced to do anything. He sought Oliver out repeatedly and never actively said “no” to him, except for his heart-wrenching protest during the infamous peach scene. Maybe he wants Oliver to single him out being a victim of his own vanity; however, his personality is not explored enough for the viewer to come to a fair conclusion. We mostly see him react to Oliver, not act on his own.

Since the focus of the movie is on the Elio / Oliver relationship, the landscape the story takes place in is idyllic, the music is beautiful etc., as a viewer one can easily assume that Elio chose Oliver of out “love”. Did he?

Obsession is not love. When feelings for another person are so strong that there seems to be no escape, it doesn’t mean they are soulmates, that it’s fate or anything like that. Healthy love is a choice; love only exists in freedom. When one partner (or both) is in mental chains, his mind revolving around the other, something is very wrong.

I already wrote that while his character is manipulative, Oliver is not an actual predator. If the victim has the chance to escape and does not take it, there is a large part of responsibility on the latter’s part, too. It is not enough to say that Elio is “only a teenager”. At seventeen, a person knows what they are doing and what they want. They may not be aware of the implications and the consequences, but Oliver and Elio’s parents didn’t know either, so it’s useless to say that age makes the difference.

Part 7: Culture Clash.

Italy and Elio’s family welcome Oliver with open arms; they let him live in their house, let him do whatever he wants, invite him to come back next year, encourage his feelings for Elio. Oliver never opens up. He does not speak about his thoughts; he never mentions that he has a girlfriend at home. Only in the end we learn that his family seems to be very bigoted. Which is of course awful, but as a viewer I couldn’t feel sorry for him. This is something that in all fairness he should have told Elio from the start, before playing fast and loose with a young man who was obviously smitten with him.

Oliver is a consumerist, diametrically opposed to the deep soul of Elio, a young man who grew up surrounded by nature, in a house and near cities that feel timeless. Oliver tells Elio once that his family had welcomed him like he was a son-in-law, but this only shows that Oliver has no clue about Italian mentality; else he would know that it is second nature to most Italians to be welcoming and to make acquaintances part of the family quickly. That he believes they did so specifically with him only reflects his arrogance.

On a side note: in Italy the paragraph against homosexuality fell in 1890, and this movie is set almost a century later. And Oliver was introduced to an elderly gay couple who are friends of the family, emphasizing that Elio’s family doesn’t have the slightest issue with same-sex relationships. So, we are not speaking of star-crossed lovers. Had he wanted to, Oliver could have moved to Italy leaving his bigoted background behind, finding both a better family and a partner who would do anything in his power to make him happy. But that would also have meant having to give up on something, and Oliver is not the kind of person who would accept any kind of sacrifice, not even for his own sake. He will rather see to it that the price for his choices is paid by someone else.

Part 8: Attitude Towards Females.

The way both Oliver and Elio treat the women in their lives is downright awful. Oliver flirts with Chiara and in return, Elio soon brags how he “almost had sex with Marzia”. It is clear enough that they only do it when the other is watching; they do not care about the girls, both only want to show off their sex lives.

Sex has no real value for Oliver; he tells Elio that he should better “try and fail with Marzia than not try at all”. He does not consider that having your first time and be in an actual relationship is serious stuff. It ought to be something two people do together, not a challenge of sorts.

Although with Marzia it’s the first time for both of them, Elio obviously does not care for her - he did not even recognize her voice on the phone and did not react when she told him she didn’t want to suffer because of him. His next thought is that he wants Oliver, not her. He even has sex with Marzia all the while watching the clock for the appointment at midnight Oliver gave him. (What for, anyway? Distraction? As a training object?) His obsession with Oliver makes him selfish and false. And Oliver has tied his invitation to another insult, “Grow up.” Elio is seventeen and he has sex with both a female and a male within the course of 24 hours. Why - out of pique, to prove Oliver that he is indeed grown-up and that he is not ‘too scared to do it’?

Oliver does not offer Elio or his family friendship; he does not even call or write a postcard from his home to let them know that he came back home safely. Ironically, it is Marzia who offers her friendship and comforts the heartbroken Elio, although she would have every reason to resent him. She is more mature and responsible than both Elio and Oliver although she is Elio’s age. Which makes his behaviour towards her only feel more unfair; but I guess viewers must expect her to accept that because what she and Elio shared was not the alleged “true love” he had with Oliver.

A few months after Oliver went back home, we learn that he is about to hurt the next person - a woman with whom he will start a loveless marriage. (We learn that he was in an on-off relationship with her for years, which fits the picture perfectly; Oliver would not want to miss out on anything.)

Elio’s father gives a monologue that reflects his marriage in an awful way: apparently it does not make him happy because it makes him feel like he missed out on the experience of “real love” (whatever he believes that is). His wife is a good person and a good mother and does not deserve to be dismissed like that.

Conclusion: This Is Not a Love Story.

There may be different ways of interpreting it, but this movie is not about love, i.e. honest, deep feelings and commitment for one another. It isn’t romantic or poetic or tragic. It’s about a lot of pain that could have been avoided.

Oliver is not a groomer who takes advantage of a younger and less experienced guy. If Elio was a few years older, Oliver would still be a bad person. Consider that no one seems to realize what an egotist he is, including the many adults he meets! Piqued by Elio’s resistance, Oliver would certainly still try to make a pass at Elio, except that if the latter was older, he would be more mature, and possibly also have, by now, a secure attachment with Marzia (or someone else). I do think that a relationship between a 17-year-old and a 24-year-old could work well, provided both are honest and loyal persons. What makes this story problematic is not grooming or sexual predation on Oliver’s part. It is the relationship itself between these two that is utterly dysfunctional; which is, I daresay, what actually makes so many viewers feel uneasy about it the way I did.

Real love looks different; it does not only leave pain and “what if”s behind. Oliver sweeps into a foreign family and culture like a storm, takes what he can, and after him the deluge. While Elio is changed for life, Oliver just runs off to the next best thing, still not ready to change, take responsibility, or at least apologize for having used a younger man for an affair before agreeing to a socially acceptable marriage with a woman.

The musical theme of the movie is “Mystery of Love”. Why? Fantasizing about someone you never really get to know because they never open up to you is not love. How can there be love without honesty, loyalty and trust? Elio never grows beyond the first phase of a romantic relationship where you still idealize the other, instead of seeing them for how they truly are. And Oliver doesn’t even reach that phase.

We are supposed to feel for Oliver and Elio them because they are “star crossed”; I can’t bring myself to do that. Oliver is too immature to be honest with Elio and to keep him at arm’s length to prevent him from hurt; while Elio is not grown and strong enough to stand up first for his own self-love, and then for his feelings for Oliver. He does not even confront him when he tells him he is about to get married (which also implies that he will not come back). Not for one moment seems Elio to realize that he was betrayed, used and dumped. Instead, he keeps believing that he missed out on something that could have been wonderful.

If you are in a problematic relationship, there are only two options: either you renounce because you don’t want to make the other unhappy, or you fight for your love. Nurturing false hopes, allowing love to make its way into the heart of a naïve, well-meaning young person and then let him fall like a hot potato is the last thing anyone ought to do. Oliver doesn’t trust anyone, while Elio’s trust in him, after his initial hesitation, is infinite.

When Oliver tells Elio on the phone that he forgot nothing, it only makes Elio suffer more. A mature, caring person could have told his former lover to get over him, and that he was grateful for the time passed together. There is not gratitude in Oliver’s words; he ties Elio to him again, knowing that the younger man would be his at the lift of a finger. During the phone call, he does not even have the politeness to ask how everybody is doing. As usual, it is all about him. Oliver may be the victim of his family’s bigotry, but I cannot bring myself to feel with someone who is so utterly selfish and irresponsible. At least now that it's clear that he’s not coming back, he should have the decency to let go.

It is certainly true - as Elio’s father said - that it’s better to accept one’s pain than to turn away from it. But: the easiest way to unhappiness is holding on to something (or someone) you can’t have, respectively that never existed in the first place. Elio never gets over his feelings and they make him suffer still decades later, proving that the brief happiness was not worth the pain. What Elio feels at the end is not the normal heartache everybody goes through after a break-up: he’s traumatized because his budding personality was crushed and he has nothing to hold on to or to look forward anymore.

I wonder why this movie is called a love story. There is mutual attraction, fascination, erotic tension, but all of this doesn’t add to love. I see no reason why anyone should love someone like Oliver, and I can’t understand why Oliver does not love Elio back, who shared everything he was with him.

This movie may be interesting, but in my opinion it’s not romantic at all and I see no reason to sigh and wax poetic about it like 95 % of the audience seems to. If anything, it’s a warning to not confuse obsession and idealization with actual caring.

I wonder why the LGBT+ community does not hate this movie.

I have often heard in conservative circles that gay men are supposedly straight until they meet someone who is older and experienced who seduces them and “makes them gay”. I always found this to be a narrow-minded prejudice, and thought that any queer person must find such an idea insulting to say the least. But this is exactly what is being portrayed here. And almost no viewer, queer or straight, seems to have the slightest problem with it. On the contrary, almost everybody gushes on how romantic this story is.

~ * ~ * ~ *

Red, White and Royal Blue (2023)

Of course, this is a modern fairy tale and it’s set in an alternative universe. Let me just point out the differences to the above-mentioned movie, and why this is a much more genuine portrayal of romantic love.

Since the story is about the son of a female US president who is running for her second term and the offspring of a conservative British peerage family, the conflict goes without saying; there is no wondering about what is making their relationship difficult.

Alex, once in a same-sex relationship, embraces his bisexuality wholeheartedly. He does not fall into a crisis and does not mess around with some girl. He knows that Henry is who he wants. It is abundantly clear that Henry is special for him because with him he’s head over heels in love, not because he’s the first guy he makes sexual experiences with.

In this movie there is also a cultural clash between a Texan American and a British peer, but there is nothing offensive about it; usually it’s just played for fun, like when Alex doesn’t know what a maypole is and Henry teases him about it.

How much wiser and more to the point is Ellen’s reaction: she simply tells her son that “such a relationship will define his life”. Yes, it’s kind of embarrassing that she asks him whether they used protection, but at least it shows that she cares for his safety.

Side note: all women in this movie are treated with respect, not looked down upon, used and discarded.

Alex does not make Henry feel bad about his accomplishments. He admires him playing polo, he loves listening to him when he plays the piano, although Alex can do neither.

When Henry comes to visit Alex in Texas, he adapts by wearing casual clothing, drinking, singing, playing, swimming. He’s just himself and there is nothing of his usual detachment about him, on the contrary, he obviously feels happy with the chance to just be a young man like any other. Compare this to Oliver’s attitude of haughty superiority in his host’s place, behaving like he was a prince everyone must look up to (which he isn’t, contrarily to Henry).

These men are both adults who know what they are doing; none shows off as being superior and they never come across as selfish and mean. Initially Henry is detached and stiff-necked, while Alex pettily takes offense at something that happened years earlier; but all of that quickly changes through the dynamics between them. The two young men open up, become more relaxed and much more themselves through being together. Since they started as rivals, they know each other’s faults and never for a moment fall into the trap of idealization. Their connection is much more genuine and intimate than Oliver’s and Elio’s although technically, they spend less time together.

Their relationship is also much more fun; Alex and Henry banter, tease one another and laugh a lot. Being in a long-distance relationship they write each other e-mails and texts, and they have conversations over the phone still when they’re barely friends. They talk about personal issues, they keep eye contact, their hands touch, they hug outside of sexual contact, they sleep in the same bed whenever they can. The power dynamics between them are healthy, and it is made abundantly clear that the basis for their relationship is honest, trusting friendship.

Shortly after having started an actual relationship with Henry, Alex plunges into his Texas campaign; he wants to use his influence as the president’s son to do good for other people. Henry’s philanthropic work and his overall influence inspire Alex to do more for his fellowmen, too.

When Henry panics and runs in the face of a declaration of love, Alex confronts him right away. Alex is willing to fight for his love. He „flies across an ocean and storms a f…ing palace“, in his words, to tell Henry he won’t give up on him.

As they say goodbye at the airport both gift one another what means most to them - ring and key. Alex until then never took his key chain off, not even when he was swimming or having sex. Alex’s last virtue is patience, yet he is willing to wait.

In the end the shy, introverted Henry says, “I will no longer be the prince of shame and secrets” finally confronting his worst fear, that his subjects may no longer like him.

Which is where we reach the bottom line.

„Real love“ is not defined by how deep, desperate and or romantic your feelings are.

Real love brings out what is best in a person, makes them better, stronger and more mature.

Red, White and Royal Blue is an actual, real and inspiring love story. Call Me by Your Name is a slap in the face.

[miss-hyoko]

Hello there! :) I'd like to order a Rivals to Lovers/Crush with Jamil please, you can serve it however you like to~

"Here's the food you ordered, dear customer. Albeit a little delayed, I hope you'll still enjoy this [How Could This Happen?!] gado-gado."

How Could This Happen?!

Character(s): Jamil

Summary: You and Jamil are rivals, but then he realized his feelings for you

Tag(s) and warning(s): GN!Reader, fluff, romantic, rivals to crush trope, and a little crack (according to what my sister said)

Note: I was supposed to post this two days ago, but then I accidentally fell asleep and completely forgot about it until my sister reminded me this morning 👁️👄👁️

From the first time he met you, Jamil knew he wouldn't get along well with you. You and him… are too different. In many senses. Your opinions often conflict with his, whether it's about lessons or other small things. You're the only person besides Kalim who can make Jamil's blood boil effortlessly. In order not to get high blood pressure, Jamil constantly tries to minimize his contact with you. But somehow, he didn't know how, he will always get involved with you in the end. How annoying!

Jamil always tries to be an ordinary student with average grades. But then you came into his life, provoked him, and the next thing Jamil knows, he's accidentally gotten himself a perfect score. Upset that you ruined his plans to become a normal student, Jamil automatically looks at you with a piercing gaze. Being stared at like that, you immediately think that Jamil gets a lower score than you. So, with a cheeky smile, you proudly showed your score to him, not noticing the way Jamil rolled his eyes exasperatedly.

At this point, almost everyone in NRC knows that the relationship between the two of you is not good, even though you both are often seen together. But miraculously, you two always end up in the same group together. Arguments between the two of you were inevitable, but over time you two are also slowly starting to understand each other more deeply. Your relationship didn't improve right away, but at least it was better than before.

Jamil was the first to notice that something was a little different from your daily interactions. Sure, you two still frequently argue over trivial matters, but Jamil realizes that lately he's been giving in to you more often just to see you smile with joy. And every time you, intentionally or not, do something stupid that gets you in trouble, Jamil will secretly help you solve it and then give you a harsh scold.

Once he realizes that he has feelings for you, the poor guy will be in complete denial. Jamil's trying so hard to convince himself that he's, in fact, not the least bit interested in you. And as if to prove it, he starts avoiding you as if you were a plague to be avoided. But instead his of diminished, his feelings for you just increased the more he tried to distance himself from you. After some time, Jamil finally accepts the fact that he has truly fallen in love with you, his rival.

After successfully managing his feelings, Jamil didn't have time to breathe a sigh of relief when he suddenly thought of something important. Do you also like him the way he likes you? Jamil himself is aware that you two didn't have a good start, so he knows you don't have a good impression of him. But now, Jamil will try to improve his relationship with you little by little.

Ancient people once said that the quickest way to capture someone's heart is to catch their stomach first. Coincidentally, Jamil is an excellent cook. Using the excuse of 'accidentally making too much', Jamil occasionally gives you the food he makes. Not only that, if he notices you're having trouble with a lesson, he will help you study it under the pretext of 'it's not fair to compete with a stupid person'. All in all, Jamil is the type of person who says so little, yet lots of action. He won't immediately tell you about his feelings; preferring to slowly make his way into your heart, just like what you did to him.

[wynnecluster]

Been having some thoughts, after seeing some people being really reductive about stuff, so... Guess it's time to ramble on for a while and hope a point emerges!

I don't know if people are still talking about this much, but there was a lot of chatter last month about romance in Sonic stuff (the comics especially) and it's been on my mind since in various ways. As someone who has read easily over 90% of all Sonic comics officially published in English, as well as a lot of other comics besides, I naturally have a few opinions!

First off, I should address *why* people keep bringing up the existence of Romance in Sonic the Hedgehog. For those outside looking in it's probably pretty baffling. Romance was a pretty common subject in certain parts of Sonic media for a long while, the Archie-published Sonic comics in particular portrayed a number of different romantic relationships between various important characters.

But nowadays romance is almost nowhere to be seen in Sonic! It's been stated by various people that Sega basically isn't interested in featuring romance stories in Sonic. Naturally people have a lot of opinions about this, and since we're on the internet those opinions are often loudly shouted at people with differing opinions. Joy.

But that's basically it: Romance was a big thing years back, and now that romance has been pushed out of the spotlight there are both people glad it's gone and those who wish it would return... I wanna talk about the former in particular, so let's talk about stuff the "anti-romance" crowd says.

One infuriating thing is them being glad no "drama" will happen without romance, generally as a dig to the older comics and romance stories in general. This is, in actuality, a completely laughable notion when you break it down.

The "drama" they're referencing is, of course, interpersonal drama. Famously only experienced by squabbling couples /deep sarcasm.

Interpersonal drama appears in all sorts of stories, but especially in character-driven stories like Sonic. When your story is all about characters with big personalities it's a very natural thing to make those personalities clash. Just look at Leonardo and Raphael in almost any version of TMNT: A bunch of their interactions with each other fall under this umbrella.

But already I hear a whiny voice on the wind: "it's not the saaaaaaaame"

Yes it is, though! These kinds of people like to make believe that adding in a bit of kissing or cuddling magically makes a story filled with "drama" but it just isn't true. Whether it's relationship troubles, squabbling brothers, or just friends arguing it's all "drama" and (importantly) it can always be done badly or done well!

Honestly some of the most annoyingly-written "drama" I've seen has been stuff like Batman arguing with Jason Todd. I rarely find that romantic relationships ever actually lead to annoying writing.

Another generally annoying sentiment is them basically saying that "Sonic is an Action series" as if that means either A. It has to be ALL ACTION ALL THE TIME with no breaks or B. It can NEVER touch another genre.

For A, obviously breaks need to happen! Of course I'm not gonna act like romance is the only way you can have those breaks, but romance is absolutely a valid way to handle the downtime in-between action scenes.

That could be a whole point on its own but let's do B now! Limiting yourself to genre definitions is not a good idea in writing imo. And in point of fact, the modern Sonic comics don't limit themselves in this way. If a story calls for dabbling into the spaces of horror or mystery the creators on the comic have shown a full willingness to do so, and that's a good thing!

Genres, in my opinion, should be treated as fluid and a writer should feel free to pull on any genre conventions if it suits the story they're telling.

Gosh. I've been rambling for a WHILE.

And I honestly don't know if my rambling has ended up with a salient point at all, but I think I'll end it here. I just get really frustrated when I see the kinds of bland anti-romance rhetoric that inspired me to write all this.

At the end of the day it's all basically just misogynistic nonsense since romance is thought of as "girly" and anything "girly" gets treated like a problem. And look, you don't have to like romance AND you are not misogynistic if you dislike romance! It's all just your choice!

But I do ask you to consider your words when you talk about it and whether your attitudes are being influenced by misogynistic cultural ideas.

Have a good lunch.

[swanhookheart]

Thoughts on AI writing, the WGA strike, and ways to help

This whole post is a hot mess, but I think it communicates the point I'm trying to make so I'm gonna hit "publish" and call it a day, peeps!

In the last four years, I have worked as a writing tutor, a teaching assistant for first-year composition, an embedded tutor for ESL writing workshops, a reading partner, editor-in-chief of my school's literary magazine, and as a freelance college essay coach. I'm also a novelist (unpublished but working on it), a poet, recipient of my community college's 2021 Outstanding English Student Award, a voracious reader, and in possession of a two-year degree in Creative Writing (four-year Berkeley literature degree coming in Spring). I guess you could say I like words.

I could go on for days about all the reasons I hate ChatGPT being used as a writing aid (especially by students—ffs, pls don't make me have to report y’all for academic dishonesty; it will be a shitty experience for both of us), but here’s one I really care about: vulnerability.

As it is, ChatGPT's ability to generate prose rivals my own at about age eight (that is, it looks like a thesaurus vomited all over the page and still struggles to spell the word "fluorescent" when prompted—fuck that word, to be fair). But let's envision a world two, maybe five, years down the road where AI is capable of generating a flawless sentence. It's well-structured, the grammar checks out, everything's spelled right, and the words the algorithm has chosen work to communicate its thoughts. Even then, AI wouldn't be able to replace or compete with even the most inexperienced writers among us. Why? Because, in my opinion at least, imperfections are what make art, art.

Any time I get the urge to overthink something I've created or edit it to the point of unrecognizability (which is often; I have OCD, fam!), I like to think of this sentence in Latin:

perfectus est.

To those who have not subjected themselves to completed 2 years of Latin, this might look like it'd translate to "it is perfect", but the actual, direct translation beside the adjective "perfectus, -a, -um" in all my textbooks and dictionaries has been, instead, "finished, completed". Proper classicists can feel free to correct me here, but the original Latin doesn't seem to carry with it quite the same connotations of quality or superiority that we have in the English word "perfect", and that's low-key fucking inspirational. I think about it like this: things can be "perfect" without being flawless. They only need to be done, and "done" leaves a lot more freedom for self-expression. If just being "done" makes something "perfect", then whatever peculiarities that piece possesses are also perfect. This makes total sense in my mind, but I feel like I'm on the verge of having a stroke trying to articulate it.

Art, for me, is never about the completed piece itself. It's the quirks, it's the process, it's the slight imperfections—like finding out 14 years after starting my fantasy series that the surname of one of my main characters is slang for "severe diarrhea" but being too committed to the name at this point to change it. It's the brushstroke in a painting that doesn't quite stay in the lines or the musician’s voice cracking as they sing through an especially personal set of lyrics. Some wise person once gave me a variation of this advice, and I’ve just kind of run with it ever since: the little details in our creations we convince ourselves are flaws are, more often than not, just spaces where our humanity is seeping through. They’re not bad. They’re just instances of us, as creators, making ourselves vulnerable in the name of our craft. Whether it's in a writing workshop, therapy, school, or anywhere else, I think we all feel a bit self-conscious or even uncomfortable any time we have to share pieces of ourselves with others. Baring our souls is scary. But I like to think humans are generally good at heart, and the kinds of things they typically have to say in response to these instances are designed to enhance the bits of humanity they find in our works, rather than erase or destroy them. So, making choices as artists that force us to feel vulnerable and get us out of our comfort zone because we think we’re “not doing it right” are not just welcome experiences to those intent on growing, but essential. And AI cannot do that. It can't feel, it can't think, and so these moments of vulnerability never occur. The opportunity to generate real, human connection has been lost.

The human brain is a remarkable thing. It’s "trained", as it were (in the same way ChatGPT is trained), to think the way it does not just because it's consumed a lot of other people's material, but because it's experienced a lot in its own right. We've all experienced love, we've mourned, we’ve endured trauma, we’ve laughed to the point of tears, we've left the fucking TV remote in the refrigerator again dammit, and all of these things affect how we relate to the world and to certain topics we may write about. We’re not even touching on how neurodivergence and other brain stuff can further change how we experience life; there’s even more variety to be found when factors like that are taken into account, but I'm not trying to write a dissertation here. As the products of all these influences, our brains make very intentional choices when we write (even when it feels like we're just slapping stuff on a page and hoping it sticks). The formal features of our prose are all going to be dependent on a combination of things we’ve done, felt, and read.

I mean, I guess some might want to use the Infinite Monkey Theorem (the idea that, if you leave infinite monkeys with infinite typewriters for an infinite amount of time, they will inevitably produce a finite number of texts, including the Complete Works of William Shakespeare, an infinite number of times) to argue that writing is actually more formulaic than artistic and so maybe utilizing these algorithms is totally fine. I guess the algorithm is being compared to infinite monkeys here. I don’t know. I’ve gotten hungry since sitting down to write this silly blog post and so I’m getting a little distracted. But humans aren’t alive an infinite amount of time, and the brevity of our existence necessitates a certain urgency in what and how we write—an urgency that leads us to conclude it’s better our work be flawed but out there than faultless but stuck inside our heads. So we write. We write good shit, we write bad shit, we buy a copy of Scrivener or MS Word, we join Tumblr dot com and publish all kinds of silly memes and dick jokes, and we get a world full of funky, crazy, chaotic art that reflects our funky, crazy, chaotic selves. Our humanity seeps out with every word we commit to paper, and we let it because it’s better to live in a world filled with jagged edges and mismatched hues than it is to live in one created by something that is literally fucking incapable of feeling.

You might think this is a great blog post. You might think it's garbage. You’re valid either way. But AI couldn't have written it. It’s full of tiny little pieces of me that just kinda slipped their way in as I was writing. It’s not super polished. It’s a bit all over the place because oh my god I’m craving a cookie but want to finish writing this before I leave my desk to go and get one. No matter what anyone’s thoughts are on my particular voice, though, I think we can all agree that it exists. It exists because I write often—daily, if I can—and because I feel, I think, I am. Those things come through, and they’re what make this a semi-coherent (I hope) blog post as opposed to a smattering of random words ChatGPT probably couldn’t define for you at gunpoint. Whatever you think about this post, AI couldn’t have written it and that’s the point.

This is just one of the reasons why I support the WGA strike and will continue to do so for as long as it takes the union to get the deal they deserve. I am not and will likely never be a member of this union, but the work they’re doing with this strike to push back against AI and its wildfire-like proliferation across creative industries is essential. Algorithms simply cannot do the work that humans do—not today, not ever. Not because they’re not advanced enough, but because vulnerability is what make art, art. Connecting with other human beings—which is all any of us ever really hope to do with our art anyway—requires that vulnerability.

I’m just some random dweeb on the internet, seeing marginalized workers struggle because a bunch of crappy billionaires don't want to come to the table and feeling like shouting some words into the void about it. Maybe nobody will see this post, and that’s okay. But maybe they will and I can do some good with it. I haven’t got a lot of money to help (I’m in my broke college student era). But donations to the Entertainment Community Fund are being accepted and these funds go back into the hands of union (WGA and SAG-AFTRA) members as hardship funds if they need financial help during the work stoppage—this is my understanding, at least; pls correct me if I’m wrong!

Link below:

If you can’t donate, please reblog. I know it would mean a lot to me if I were in their position.

[didwho]

Hello! You mentioned looking for more info about labels and stuff, so, if you're interested, here are a few things we've personally learned from several years as a "Origins Are Weird And Confusing" system who has been in therapy for A While at this point, in case they're useful to you: - you deserve whatever support you need, regardless of origin or dx or anything else. Therapy, friends who listen to you and support you, academic or workplace accommodations, the right to be unhappy and having a shitty time--you don't have to prove anything to be allowed to want/have those things. - trauma is a subjective experience about how your brain processed something difficult--not about whether the events were 'objectively bad enough to count', because there is no externally defined threshold. (There are certain types of negative experiences that are statistically very likely to be traumatic to the average person, but that absolutely does not mean that only those types of experiences "count".) - if you are experiencing lasting negative impacts from something that happened to you, 1) there is nothing you need to prove in order to be 'allowed' to get support for it; 2) anyone telling you that it wasn't bad enough to affect you is wrong. (This is true even in contexts completely unrelated to syscourse, btw!) - DID in specific is predominantly associated with chronic trauma/adverse experiences during childhood. However, if you have struggles with mental health issues and feel like a system, your options are not just either "100% Definitely DID" or "You're Making It All Up". Whether the label that happens to fit you and your experiences best is DID or any other label (OSDD, MaDD, PTSD + system, "stuff is shitty rn" + system, "who even knows", etc.) is between yourselves and the people on your support team--it's not the business of internet discourse randos trying to tell you whether or not you're valid. (Besides, figuring out what labels fit you best often isn't actually easy or obvious right away, for any number of reasons--including the fact that sketchy and/or 'muted' memories of awful experiences is a big part of many CDDs--and that's okay. Really. You get to figure stuff out at your own pace.) - you are allowed to use/benefit from CDD management strategies and ways of thinking whether or not you have one. (People without ADHD can use bullet journals. DBT isn't just for people with BPD. Etc. If it helps you, the important part is that it helps you.) - don't let the haters get you down. (There are folks out there in syscourse with complex and nuanced opinions, legitimate critiques of communities, etc.! And also, there are sometimes people who just want to be 'allowed' to feel hateful towards someone, aren't in good faith, and aren't interested in listening. What those people think of you or say about you Does. Not. Matter. They are howling at the moon.)

Good luck out there <3

thank you so so so so so much for the kind words!! i preach all of the same things yet sometimes its hard to believe it for yourself, so i genuinely really appreciate the reassurance.

i am looking for a label as of currently because i dont really know whats what, yknow?? its hard for someone like me because despite preaching all of those things, i struggle to understand what defines trauma!

a lot of my headmates tend to agree we do have trauma, but those who dont tend to feel very strongly about not, so it kinda pushes that positivity away!

it really sucks to be both your own supporter and your own enemy at the same time (not calling my headmates enemies its just the best way i can describe it)!

the vents i post are usually when im feeling fired up or upset over things, and again, for that post/ rant i had earlier i spread misinfo, which i feel HORRIBLE about, but i will keep the post up because someone else made a point on it and had the patience to help educate me!

i am still learning and alla that, its hard to navigate this community because theres so many terms, and due to general amnesia, whether it be the fact im a system or due to my ADHD, its hard to get a grasp on all of those!

anyways, sorry for the ramble and thank you so much for the kind words! i hope you have an amazing day ❤️

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: I'm the INFJ who posted this: 696854143537709056

Since then, I decided to take action and do some self reflection. I'm currently still struggling with making new friends out of the bubble that initially gave me anxiety, but It's working nonetheless. That's not why I'm here, though. I'm currently doubting whether or not I am truly an INFJ (I'm between INFJ and ISFJ), because what I thought were "hunches" might've been just my anxiety. I'll provide further examples below.

For INFJ:

Ni: I like to understand things in depth, I've always liked. The whole contemplative thing does seem to fit me kind of well, although I don't have the "Ni hunches" as often as others say they do. Thinking about implications and consequences is a constant state of mine. Comparing me to the ESFP I talked about previously; he switches goals and decides to talk to other people/do different things so quickly it amazes me. Honestly, I wish I was like that because I'm constantly asking myself "if I do X, then they make think Y, but wait…", although that might be my anxiety because it isn't my initial reaction (I'll talk abt this afterwards). I like to contemplate and understand because it allows me to perceive how the outcome will be.

Fe: I value others deeply, so much so that I can just switch my political opinions based on who I'm talking to because I'm afraid it might cause trouble. Being friends with everyone and having a big and reliable social network has always been a dream of mine, but I'm not action-based enough to dedicate myself to that, sadly. I always feel a need to people-please, but there's always a regret that comes with it. I want to be myself, but at the same time, it conflicts with the environment and I just feel completely lost (which is why I think I might have Fi).

Ti: Tertiaty Ti is a bit tough to talk about because I don't use it as often, and I'm not old enough to make it as conscious as I'd like to. I can see it in my life when I analyze others. For example, whenever I talk to someone, my mind is always looking for social cues and slight body language I logically interpret freely. I don't really feel the need to conform my thinking into a "social" box like Te users. For instance, when my INTJ friend sets her mind to something she literally never changes her mind and will try to prove her point until death. I'm way more flexible and open to new thoughts.

Se: Well, this is where my doubt comes from, mainly. I can't really distinguish Ni-Se from anxiety, because my anxiety already steems from thinking the ISTP/ESFP both don't like me. It already drives me to a passive stance because I fear that they spread rumors about me, or constantly shit on me, despite having no evidence besides body language, which, once more, may be biased considering my feelings. Some evidence that does support inferior Se is maybe my struggle with just letting things flow, but it might be anxiety. It's hard for me to, for example, just make jokes without thinking: "is it good? does it suck? should I say it? maybe not…" or straight up hugging people. I always wait for them to do it first. All of that is cuz I don't want to ruin our bond.

For ISFJ:

Si: I like the comfort zone. I find it hard to go out of my way to do things because the unknown makes me scared. For example, inviting friends over to my house, or going to parties always makes me scared because who knows what might happen there. Maybe our friendship isn't high enough to invite that person yet, maybe I'm going to bother my friends at parties because I'll be following them all the time and I might feel left out like I usually do. In any case, I'm not sure, because most of these reasonings also sorta make sense with INFJ/anxiety. I'm also not big on detail, I usually forget birthdays, etc. In any case, the examples I provided are just outcomes I can see happening in my head.

Ne: Once again, conflicts with anxiety. The party example, again. It's not that I fear the unknown, or I'm not optimistic, it's just that the pros are shadowed by my fear of being left out, unwanted. I want to help people, but I'm always terrified by the possibility that they don't like me, or don't want me because of evidence that some people don't really want to befriend me. It's not really evidence, to be honest, but it's what my mind convinces itself. The ESFP friend has so many people he knows and can befriend others so easily, but I can't. I'm always picky and scared of making the wrong choices like saying the wrong thing, or not being the "ideal" friend others want.

This is all so chaotic in my head because I know people want honest and authentic friends, but I always keep my real self to myself out of fear of having to make new friends all over again or having people that don't accept me because I don't fit the "popular" standarts. I'm pretty sure this points to high Fe, but I'd like your insight on this. Thanks for reading!

----------------------

The case you've tried to make for ISFJ is very weak and does not move beyond a very stereotypical understanding of Si and Ne, if not outright contradicting their existence. This is enough to convince me that you aren't ISFJ.

[survey--s]

652.

What was the year/make/model of the last car you drove? It's a 2016 Hyundai i10.

Have you ever been in weather below 0 Fahrenheit (-17 Celcius)? Yes, -30 was the coldest and that was in Canada. It was painful to the point that it was just unpleasant, really.

What was the last thing you used your phone for, besides calling/texting? Playing one of those Merge games that I seem to have become weirdly addicted to for no apparent reason.

Do you have more male or female coworkers? I work alone. I do walk way more male dogs than female ones though, if they count as co-workers? lol.

Did you enjoy high school? No.

What’s an unusual food combination you like? Apples dipped in mayonnaise.

What’s the longest stretch of time you’ve spent completely alone? 5-6 days. It was a sign of severe depression though and I wouldn't recommend it.

Have you ever lived in a studio apartment? Yeah, at university.

Did your parents allow you to drink soda when you were a kid? No. They were really strict about unhealthy foods. The only fizzy stuff I was allowed was Orangina or Appletise, and even then it was only on special occasions.

Do you always check the prices of things when you buy groceries? Yeah, I'm not made of money lol.

Do you like gyoza? Yes! I haven't had them in forever though. I love pork or duck ones best.

Have you ever been in a situation where you needed a lawyer? No, thankfully not.

Do you use Instagram? If so, what’s your current profile pic? Only for business and it's my business logo.

Did you ever go through an emo or goth phase? Not really as neither of those were "things" when I was a teenager.

What are your thoughts on kids being given iPads to keep them entertained? It depends on the circumstances. But I don't know what's wrong with a colouring book lol.

Do you get regular check-ups with your doctor? No. That's not really a "thing" here, you just go when you need to.

What was the last thing you felt apprehensive about? Whether Purrlock would behave at the vets and whether he'd eat his breakfast today. Luckily he behaved wonderfully and scoffed his food down, lol.

How many nights per week do you cook dinner at home vs. going out to eat? We eat at home most nights and get a takeaway on a Friday.

What’s a trend you’ve seen recently that you thought was really dumb? Cancelling people just because you disagree with their opinions.

Do you know anyone who has been evicted? Yeah, one of my flatmates was evicted while we lived together. He hadn't paid his rent for two months - it was awkward lol.

When did you last wash your sheets and pillowcases? Friday, the same as every week.

Have you kissed more than 10 people in the past 10 years? No.

Have you ever been caught outdoors away from shelter during a thunderstorm? Yeah, once on the top of a mountain which terrified the SHIT out of me. I've hated walking in storms ever since.

Did you leave the house before 10 AM yesterday? Yeah, I had to take Purrlock to the vets and then go to Tesco.

What’s your favorite macaron flavor? Raspberry.

How often do you have friends over to your house? Not very often really.

Have you ever had a boss who acted unprofessionally? Yes. I put in a complaint when I left but I don't think it went anywhere because favouritism was HUGE at that company.

How many times have you stayed at a hotel in the past year, and where? Just once, in Manchester.

What kind of technological advancements do you expect there to be 100 years from now? I doubt humanity will exist in it's current form in 100 years time, to be quite honest with you. The planet is fucked.

Have you ever done a flip on a trampoline? Yes. I used to be really good at trampolining when I was younger but I never pursued it out of school.

What about a flip off of a diving board? Yeah.

What was the last hot beverage you had? A latte with oat milk. It was really good, actually.

[i-read-shitty-comics]

Here U Are

Genres:

Drama Romance

Content Warnings:

Homophobia, the f-slur is used a few times

Average Rating: 8.45/10

Synopsis:

Yang Yu is a second-year university student who seems reliable and pleasant. With the commencement of a new term, he is tasked with orienting every freshman he sees on campus. Eventually, his duty leads him to meet Huan Li, a new student with a fairly oppressive height. Besides his intimidating physique, he is taciturn, aloof, and often gives Yang Yu the cold shoulder.

Yang Yu, who has done nothing but assist him, immediately grows frustrated by this treatment. However, despite his initial impressions, Yang Yu believes that his chance encounter with Huan Li will transform his future outlook—perhaps even on the prospect of love.

My Rating: 9/10

My Opinion:

This was just great.

I read this together with my partner. He read it for the first time, I did for the second and both of us were having an amazing time reading it.

Whether it was because of the cute comedy that always makes you smile, the touching moments of vulnerability when a character opens themself up and feeling the main character’s pain of being open about who you are, but being treated like an alien sometimes.

This story does a really good job at making you root for the two leads to get together and tieing the outcome of the relationship to one of the two’s character development.

Despite all that, the story is not perfect. There is quite an annoying amount of blue balling in this, where the two leads make one step forwards in their relationship but then something happens and they take two steps back again. It can get really frustrating but it makes sense for the characters to take such a long time and said time is used to further develop the characters in the story, so it’s not completely unbearable.

Something I’d like to bring up is that I actually had a lot more problems with the story on my first read through of it. At some point the focus of the story shifts over from completely focused on the main two, to a few others and develop some side couples.

On my first read I absolutely hated it and even skipped a few chapters because I just wanted to see the two leads finally be together but on a re-read it really isn’t all that bad. They actually add quite a lot to the narrative and in the end I ended up loving all of them, even if it was not as much as the main couple.

I also love the portrayal of homophobia in this. A lot of the time In media, when homophobia is portrayed it's very outright and extreme, while in reality it's a lot more subtle than that. Here U Are goes for the more realistic approach and it's very refreshing, but can therefore also hit a bit too close to home for some readers, so just be aware of that before you start reading it.

Recommended to:

Everyone who is interested in or likes Romance and/or queer people who want something cute that is still very relatable.

[dextixer]

Volumes 7-8 - The conflict between Ironwood and the protagonists was one of morality, not insignificant details.

We had good 2-3 years of discussion about Ironwood, Atlas, the conflicts in those volumes and many other topics. Over time those discussions evolved, with more views, opinions and even details emerging to be used in arguments. At this point, there is little chance any side can convince each other of who was right or who is wrong, the opinions have mostly settled and while i have no doubt that eventually in the hiatus of V9 conversations will inevitably return here.

But this isn't about that. What i have noticed over time is while arguments have evolved and changed, i have also noticed that many of us arguing have been moving away from the core conflict of V7-V8, specifically the conflict between Ironwood and the Protagonists. Many of us started focusing on peripheral details, hypotheticals, possibilities. And i think in doing so we have partially moved away from the, well, main conflict, and that is one of morality.

What future?

I would first like to cover the problems of going too much into details, hypotheticals or possibilities. Very often whenever discussions of Ironwoods plan come up, they result in criticisms of the future of that plan.

Very often people bring up very convincing and logical arguments. What if Salem creates creatures that can reach Atlas in air? What if Atlas runs out of dust? What if the climate control of Atlas fails. Etc. All legitimate concerns, while some of them could be offered counter-arguments, this thread is not about them.

I think people also very often forget that the protagonists were not entirely opposed to Ironwoods plan as a whole, they had a problem with him choosing to abandon Mantle and to fly out before the evacuations are completed. So even if we argue that the protagonists were right, their choice would still result in the same problems as lined up above

What i have come to dislike over time however, is this seemingly innocuous accusation of Ironwood choosing to "Abandon Remnant" with Atlas flying into the air, and how that would "doom" remnant.

Even besides the fact that the protagonists seemingly had no problem with it, there is also an issue that many people ignore in my opinion, and that is that the survival of Atlas in the case of it abandoning Remnant.... It does not affect Remnant any differently. Whether Atlas abandons Remnant or is destroyed does not matter, because in both cases Remnant will be worse off.

What people forget is that Atlas rising into the air does not mean that Atlas is not able to be destroyed. What it means is that it would be destroyed later, and not now. Which for many, including me is a preferable option. Does it mean that everyone dies in the end? Sure. But Atlas dies the last at the very least in such a case. Because as we know, Atlas is destroyed now. Sure, the people survived, but people would have survived with Alas leaving too. Them being in Vacuo changes little, they are civilians, refugees, they will not be of any use in fighting against Salem anyway.

At the end of the day, none of these details. None of these arguments matter. Because even if Atlas is destroyed or leaves Remnant, nothing changes for Remnant. It either lives or dies the same as it would have.

The main conflict between Ironwood and the protagonists is not about that, it never was.

The Trolley Problem

The main conflict between the protagonists and Ironwood has always been that of morality, of an old philosophical problem, depicted as a trolley problem in modern times.

Ironwood wants to leave with Atlas and leave Mantle to die, he wants to do so because he wants to take no risks and have a guarantee of saving people in the face of Salem. Low risk - Low reward.

(Addendum - It is factual, and everyone can check the episode, the decision to abandon Mantle by Ironwood is only taken after the reveal of Salem being nearby due to the destroyed detection equipment, i am only clarifying this because some people in the fandom have spread genuine misinformation about this topic)

Team RWBY wants everyone to be evacuated to Atlas. They are willing to sacrifice everyone, for the ability to save everyone. High risk - High reward.

That is the main conflict here. It was never about the long term effects of Atlas leaving. The long term survival of Atlas etc. Its all about here and now, the survival of the people now, in that moment. Because Salem is coming, and everyone in this conflict knows this.

And inevitably, this alone is going to create a rift between two viewpoints, because they are exclusive. Some people will think that the actions of the protagonists are heroic, they want to save everyone even considering the risks involved. To those people Ironwoods decision might as well be monstrous, because he isn't even going to risk it. To others, Ironwoods decision is cold, but logical and makes sense, it is guaranteed to save people and has no risks involved, just a calculus of war. To those people the actions of the protagonists will seem like reckless, idealistic, maybe even selfish.

It is a matter of personality, personal philosophy and many other factors. This is the type of decision that very much depends on a person and their experiences. What is important is that people should be able to share these views without becoming hostile to one another, instead accepting a difference in opinion here.

And this applies to both fans and critics alike.

Personal attacks

The reason why it applies to both critics and fans alike is that this decision is often used to do many things. Do personal attacks, moral judgements, to virtue signal even. And i had a long time to think about this while not writing about this specific topics, and both sides have been fucking up on this front.

The critics, including me have often been of a derogatory opinion that many fans of RWBY are willing to accept the actions of the protagonists just because they ARE the protagonists, and that because of that the fans are willing to accept anything. While i believe that there are SOME people like that, the majority of fans are not, and such judgment is unfair. We critics cannot complain about being called fascists or anything else of this sort due to our positions on Ironwood and the turn around and do the same shit. There are valid reasons to support the protagonists, and we cannot ignore them or ridicule the MANY people that hold such an opinion.

Of course, the fans have their own problems with this. The aforementioned calls of fascism and the like have been common and still exist to this day. Or the idea that people are just defending Ironwoods actions because they "love" him blindly and the like. There are definitely people that overhate the protagonists and hold too much love for Ironwood, but majority of critics arent. What should be acknowledged in my opinion is that there are valid reasons to support and even like Ironwood that do not involved "misunderstanding of the writing" or some kind of moral deficiencies.

At the same time i have to note that people should be more careful when arguing about these kinds of topics in general, because very often people go off-topic or conflate the topics. For example, one can complain about the writing of the conflict without agreeing with either side. One can complain about how the protagonists are written without rejecting their ideas and the like. And one can express their opinions about how Ironwood has been written badly without feeling the "need" to defend all of his actions, like his V8 actions, as some have.

Ending Word

Now, i know i have kinda "promised" to not talk about Atlas and Ironwood again, but i wanted to make this one exception, because with Volume 9 on the horizon most of my content will have to switch to that Volume specifically in the foreseeable future due to only writing 2 threads a week. And i wanted to cover this specific topic for one last time, and in a more measured manner that i often do.

What i am trying to do with this thread is to basically, center the conversation back on the conflict that mattered the most in V7-8 and try to summarize the problems that occured during those discussions and how many points made did not really engage with the core issue.

This is kind of meant as... Bridging the gap between people and allowing them to understand each side of the conflict better, i have done this in the past, but eventually moved on from such content. Because with time, with this hiatus, i kinda got tired of the intense conflicts in the fandom. Arguments and discussions are fine, but they can get way too toxic way too soon.

I guess that is all for now, if anyone has anything to add, disagree or anything of the sort, everyone is welcome to do so.

[xxatinyminionxx]

ENHYPEN Sunoo NSFW A-Z

Genre: Smut, headcanon

Warning: Includes explicit explanations about sunoo.

Requested?: Yes! By a 50.4% majority of survey respondents.

A/N: Can we just talk about how breathtaking he looks in that picture please 🥺 It wasn’t too difficult to write this, so I’m willing to involve him in hard hours now.

a (aftercare! how are they like after sex?) ━ He’s still recovering from the fun you just had. He wants to be next to you and cuddle and be extra clingy. He’ll certainly take care of all your needs, but he’s a bit sluggish to get up at first.

b (what’s their favourite body part on themselves?) ━ His lips. They make you feel good and he loves kissing you a lot during intimacy.

c (where do they like to cum?) ━ In your mouth, but on your face or body too depending on the position and if you let him.

d (what’s dirty fantasy they’re always willing to try?) ━ Admitting it makes him shy, but he wants to try something naughty in public. Even a little teasing under the table would satisfy his first time trying it. He loves the risk of being caught, but never wants to actually be caught.

e (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?) ━ Sunoo may have seen some erotic media, but besides that, he has no experience. He also barely knows what he’s doing. Please help him and let him help you <3

f (do they have a favourite position?) ━ He’s experimenting still, but he likes missionary because he can see you and give you kisses everywhere. He loves that he can control the pace and that it’s so intimate too.

g (are they serious during the moment or are they poking goofy jokes?) ━ He likes being serious. He won’t be the one making the jokes unless there’s a sound funny to him like a slurping sound, queef, a sound resulting from your sweaty bodies coming together, or something else silly :’)

h (are they hairy, trimmed, groomed or hairless?) ━ He likes to keep his hair trimmed or go completely hairless on a regular basis.

i (intimacy? how do they start things off?) ━ It starts from being extra clingy and cuddly. You two start kissing and your hands explore each other’s bodies. Things escalate from there.

j (do they jack-off?) ━ Yes. He has his horny moments and has to jack off. At least 2-3 times a week.

k (any kinks?) ━ He’s still exploring but he’s already liking some things. Choking, oral fixation, marking, body worship, and spanking when he can muster up the courage to give it.

l (favourite location?) ━ He doesn’t have a favorite place yet, but he is liking the bed.

m (what’s their motivation? turn on’s?) ━ Besides explicit media, his motivation and turn on is his favorite person, you. If he’s in the mood and you’re in the mood, it’s time to make use of your bed.

n (no! what are some turn offs?) ━ Degrading and harmful danger. He wants to have a respectful time with you where you both feel safe.

o (would they rather receive or give oral?) ━ Receive. He hopes to learn something from you before it’s his turn to go down on you.

p (how’s their pace? fast and rough or deep and slow?) ━ He likes taking it at a medium pace with nice, fluid strokes. He wants you to feel every movement in its entirety. Plus he loves taking his time with you and not cumming right away.

q (what’s their opinion on quickies? how often?) ━ It may contradict the previous point, but he enjoys quickies when they’re meant to be quickies. This is one of the only times he’ll be rough and fast.

r (risk!!! how risky are they? do they experiment or play it safe?) ━ He values safety over risk. Whether that stays true or not would depend on the kind of experimenting.

s (how’s their stamina? can they go for multiple rounds?) ━ He conserves his energy from going slow and taking his time. Unless he switches it up and goes fast and rough for a round, he can last a while.

t (do they use toys? on themselves or their partners?) ━ He is open to toys, but they don’t have to be apart of sex for him to be happy.

u (how unfair are they? do they tease? how much?) ━ Sunoo can be a HUGE tease, especially if he’s feeling petty about something that happened earlier. He would tease or edge you until you cry. It’s all in fun though! He’s not actually upset in most cases, just messing with you.

v (how loud are they? loud moans or do they keep their volume to a minimum?) ━ He’s LOUD. I think he’s the loudest of the legal line. He wants to be honest about how he feels and makes sure you hear him. Moans, heavy breathing, the cutest of whines…he lets you witness it all.

w (wild card, give them a random head-canon!) ━ Sunoo speeds up his thrusts with his head bowed between his broad shoulders and pressed against your head. Sweat drips off his naked body onto yours and his eyes are screwed shut. “Ahhh, Y/N, I’m gonna cum! Will you too? With me?” He asks in a soft groan just above your swollen lips from several minutes of kissing. Sunoo reaches down, helping you stimulate yourself to climax as he gets ever so closer to reaching his own.

x-ray (let’s see what is going on under these clothes, pictures or words) ━ Believe it or not, I think he’s a little on the bigger side. About 6 inches.

y (yearning, how high is their sex drive?) ━ Not the highest, but he needs to satisfy himself regularly. Jerking off, quickies, blowjobs, or full-on sex will keep him happy.

z (how quick do they fall asleep afterwards? zzz) ━ VERY quick. He gives his all into your sessions. Once aftercare is over and you’re just cuddling, he’s asleep in minutes.

—

© 2022 xxatinyminionxx. All Rights Reserved.

[writingwithcolor]

Argentine trans man with controlling parents; can I code them as Jewish?

@rcsordinaryworld asked:

The main character of a comic is an Argentine trans guy named Levi who ended up being somewhat Jewish coded. I’ve been debating whether to make it explicit, and I’m a little worried about his parents in particular. Part of his story is that he comes from an affluent family, and that his parents are somewhat toxic if not abusive. They’re funding college + transition for him, but on the condition he does what they want him to do. While he himself is a fairly good person, I’m worried about his mother perpetuating antisemitic tropes because she’s pretty manipulative and overbearing and finances are tied into it. Most of my characters are queer with bad parents, but I was wondering how I could handle his backstory respectfully if I did commit to making him Jewish?

If you are Jewish, disregard this part, because you are allowed to write your own experiences: If you’re writing us from the outside what is your motivation for making him Jewish in the first place? Because, yeah, I understand where you’re coming from that this might be messy. The experiences of a Jewish trans man with an unpleasant mother might be something highly specific that even a gentile trans man author with an unpleasant mother wouldn’t be able to capture accurately, or without accidentally stepping into stereotypes.

I understand that writing about queer characters with bad parents puts you in a bind vis a vis marginalized ethnic groups, because it’s tricky to write that setup from the outside of the group without accidentally sounding like a critique of the marginalized group as a whole. (Of course one way to do that is have lots of members of the group counteract the bad parents by treating the queer characters better.)

So yes, I would hesitate before making a character with a manipulative, overbearing, financially abusive mom Jewish if writing from the outside. There’s no reason that plot can’t be written about a gentile, and that way transmasculine Jewish readers won’t feel torn between the affirming validation of your character’s journey and feeling unwelcome and unsure about the portrayal of the mom. (Disclosure: I am not trans, so if you are trans and Jewish please weigh in on the notes.)

If he needs to be Jewish -- can they be bad parents in another way? Like completely preoccupied, or play favorites with a different kid, or something?

  - Shira

While I see Shira’s point, I would like to say that this:

>>Most of my characters are queer with bad parents

makes a big difference to me. If I had to pick the Number One Thing to communicate when writing bad Jewish characters, I would probably say make sure it’s clear that they’re not bad because they’re darn Jews. The fact that most of your non-Jewish characters are in the same boat with their own parents, achieves that.

The specifics of this character’s bad traits, using money to control and manipulate, are a little problematic. In my opinion, the money-grabbing and string-pulling tropes are just about avoided, purely because the only victim of the financial abuse is also Jewish. Usually, the stereotype is that we’re conspiring to benefit Jews at the expense of everyone else.

For this reason, you might be able to work with this story if you emphasise the son’s Jewish identity and highlight his positive experiences and personality traits associated with his Jewishness. If that involves finding a community with other Jewish people where he can be safe from the abuse, even better.

It would also help to make some of the other bad parents equally wealthy. I’m starting to see more examples in fiction of Jewishness being used as a synonym or shorthand for privilege, and I’m a little worried this is becoming a modern version of the money-grabbing trope. Diluting this association by having non-Jewish wealthy families would be helpful.

Even with these things in place, not all Jewish readers will agree that the stereotypes have been averted. In particular, I think Shira made an excellent point (which I don’t really feel qualified to expand on) about transmasculine Jewish readers. People in this group may not often get to see people like them in stories, so I don’t know how it would feel for that to be in any way tarnished with even a slight stereotype. Coming back to the fact that most of your characters are queer with bad parents, how interchangeable are their circumstances? Can you simply swap this character arc with someone else’s to avoid the uncomfortableness?

-  Shoshi

Though Shira and Shoshi covered things nicely, I'll weigh in briefly as the resident trans/nonbinary Jewish person. 

Here are the issues I see at a glance: 

A Jewish mother who is manipulative, toxic, abusive, and uses money to get her way

A Jewish man who is cowed by his mother, and vulnerable to financial coercion

An affluent Jewish family who uses their money to control

Now, as you suspected, having an overbearing, manipulative Jewish mother is feeding into a trope that causes constant pain for Jewish women. The idea that Jewish women are shrill, demanding, and unconcerned with the lives, and happiness of others around them is tossed around, even by some in the Jewish community. It's damaging, and also leaves Jewish women vulnerable. I think you could offset the damage by also including Jewish women, and especially maternal figures who are very clearly shown to not be overbearing, and to be generous (or at least not dictatorial ) with their money. 

Your character himself is also a concern for me, and one of the reasons I decided to give input, despite Shira and Shoshi covering things very well already. The trope of the domineering Jewish woman is incredibly prevalent, and beside it you will often find the trope of the weak, nebbish of a Jewish man. The idea is that our men are ineffectual, easily cowed, wimpy. In short, the nebbishy Jewish man, written into so much media, is a reflection of the idea that our men are not really men, and how much harder does that stereotype hit, when it's being applied to a Jewish trans man? There is a danger here, when you show your character (who has his own reasons to play along, transitioning socially, or medically can have astronomical attendant costs) bowing to pressures from his family, especially his mother, you are unintentionally reinforcing that negative image of Jewish men, and of trans men. 

Finally, the stereotypes of Jewish men, and women, are both combined with the overarching theme I'm seeing here: they have money, and they use it to get what they want, no matter the harm. Now, some people do this, of those people some are parents, inevitably some of those parents are Jewish, but this falls right in line with a third, very dangerous conception of Jewish people: that we all have money, and we use it for harm. 

So, like Shira I do wonder what made you want to make this character Jewish. Did you decide arbitrarily, and build the overbearing mother, the money, and the capitulating character himself after that, or did you have those things first, and decide he must be Jewish later? I feel this is a character, and a backstory that can be written, but not without putting in a fair bit of work, and examining your own logic is a part of that. In your writing you will need to show other Jewish people who are not rich, some who are and are not using that money to control. Showing mothers (and maternal figures) who listen, and are gentle, loving, sweet even. Showing Jewish men who are thoughtful, but know their own minds, and are willing to stand up for themselves, and others. It's possible, but certainly will expand your word count, and increase the time spent double-checking your work for these biases, and tropes. If you want to go ahead be ready, and be determined, it's a lot of work.

- Dierdra

[agent-kihyun]

neighbors [ldh]

pairing: Neighbor!Hyuck x reader (feat. 00 line)

wc: 6.1K

rating: R/18+

warnings: explicit smut; oral (female receiving), unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it!), flirting, making out, sex jokes

summary: When Lee Haechan moves in across the hall from you, you must figure out how to resist his charm in order to prove a point to your roommates. But what’s the harm in giving into temptation?

↣

The minute that your neighbor across the hall, an older woman who lived alone, passed away, you were mildly relieved. Yes, you know that sounds...bad. But, in your defense, she was rather mean to you and often complained to the landlord about you and your roommates despite the three of you not disturbing her.

You had hoped the landlord wasn’t planning on filling the empty apartment with new people again, but much to your dismay, within days the new apartment is rented out to a new tenant already. But what could you do? It was happening whether you liked it or not.

“Hey, have you heard?” your roommate, Bomi, bursts into the apartment practically screaming.

You casually flip a page in the magazine that you’re skimming, “Heard what?”

“Oh, don’t play dumb,” Bomi shuts the door and walks over to you, snatching your magazine out of your hands.

“Hey! Give that back! I literally have no idea what you’re talking about!” You half-heartedly reach up for your magazine.

“We’re getting new neighbors, you dweeb!” Bomi laughs in excitement.

“You’re a dweeb,” you pout and re-open your magazine, continuing to skim the pages.

“Are you not excited about getting new neighbors?” Your roommate scoffs.

“I couldn’t care less, to be honest,” you shrug.

“You’re unbelievable. I’m pretty sure they’re our age,” she smacks your knee to get your attention.

“Okay. Cool.”

“Hey! Show some enthusiasm!” Bomi whines.

“What are you trying to get her to show enthusiasm for?” Another one of your roommates, Gaeun, walks into the living room from her room.

“We’re getting new neighbors! I just saw them moving in across the hall into Mrs. Kim’s old place! They’re really cute,” Bomi explains to Gaeun.

“Really? Oh my gosh, let me see,” Gaeun rushes to the door and takes a quick peek as your new neighbors move their boxes into their apartment.

“You guys are so lame. We never interact with any of our neighbors anyway, what's the big deal?” You roll your eyes and finally put your magazine down.

“Because...they’re hot,” Gaeun says after she closes the door.

“Bomi just said they’re cute, so which is it?”

“Don’t be such a smartass,” Bomi says to you and you cross your arms in indignation.

“Let’s go welcome them! Introduce ourselves so they, y’know, like are familiar with someone around here,” Gaeun suggests with a wink.

“If they’re still moving their stuff in, it’s probably not a good time. Just wait till they’re--” You begin.

“Shh, I wasn’t asking you,” Gaeun sends you a quick glare and you shoot daggers back at her.

“Yeah, let’s go say hi!” Bomi grins and the two take off faster than the speed of light.

You stand in the foyer of your apartment, alone and now in a sour mood. You decide that there’s only one thing that can cheer you up at the moment: ice cream. You quickly grab your phone, keys and wallet, slip on your shoes and swiftly leave the apartment.

Your two roommates, standing in the doorway of your new neighbors’ apartment, call you over to say hi, as if they totally didn’t just ditch you, but you ignore them and take the staircase instead of the elevator.

You take a good hour at the ice cream parlor, eating ice cream by yourself and trying to distract yourself from the events from earlier. Why did you have to care about new neighbors? Why did Bomi and Gaeun make you feel like less than for not caring? Who cares if they’re hot? Maybe they were right for giving you weird looks, you think.

The ice cream does nothing for you. Instead, you try to cheer yourself up by getting your comfort foods from the grocery store. A pint of your favorite ice cream and snacks always made you feel much better.

With your food in hand, you walk home with a small smile on your face, having completely forgotten about your roommates. When you arrive back to the apartment, you see that the moving truck that was previously there when you left, is now gone. With that knowledge, you take the elevator up to your floor. You take the time in the elevator to begin snacking, but stop yourself so you can enjoy the rest in the comfort of your own home.

However, as you glance at your new neighbor’s door, you know you’d have to wait a little longer to eat your food. You felt bad for simply storming off earlier and not even waving to the new people on your floor. With a heavy sigh you find yourself walking to their door to formally introduce yourself.

3 knocks to the door and it’s swinging open. A young man stands before you, giving you a mildly perplexed look. Right off the bat you know you’re doomed. Your roommates were right about your new neighbors (or at least one of them) being handsome. If he looks this good, what do others look like?

“Hello? Can I help you?” his voice snaps you out of it.

“Oh...yeah, um, I just wanted to introduce myself. I’m your neighbor,” you stick out your hand for him to shake and tell him your name. The young man looks down at your hand and back up at your face before taking your hand in his and shaking it twice. His hand lingers in yours before you pull yours away.

“You can call me Haechan,” he gives you a flashy grin. You return his smile, thinking that maybe you were wrong to judge your neighbor before even meeting him.

“I live across from you,” You point to the door on the other side of the elevator landing space, “I’m pretty sure you met my two other roommates earlier.”

“Oh yeah, you ignored them and left them hanging. Kind of a dick move, in my honest opinion,” he leans against his doorframe, crossing his arms and a smug expression on his face. Your jaw drops at his statement.

So you weren’t entirely wrong. What a little shit.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but in my defense, they were dicks to me right before that and I wasn’t in the mood to pretend like I was happy,” you cross your arms as well. Haechan laughs and shakes his head.

“I guess that’s fair. My roommates can be dicks too sometimes so I understand,” he shrugs. “Do you want to meet them as well?”

“Um…” you trail off, unsure if you wanted to introduce yourself to the others at the moment.

“Come on, they won’t bite,” Haechan winks at you. Something about the delivery of his comment makes your cheeks heat up, but you decide to just go for it.

“Okay,” you say, and before you know it, Haechan is tugging you into his apartment, shutting the door behind you.

Once inside, you look around and find boxes everywhere. Some of them were open, some of them were still sealed; of course since they were unpacking. There was a blue sofa in the middle of the room, two other males sitting on it and unpacking boxes. One was in the kitchen, also unpacking, you assumed.

“Hey, we have a guest!” Haechan announces, and suddenly there were 4 pairs of eyes on you. One of the guys on the couch stands up and walks over to you. He takes your hand in his and presses a chaste kiss to your knuckles.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Jaemin,” he smiles at you and it takes everything in you not to laugh, so instead you send him a tight-lipped smile. You quickly deduce he was the flirty type, and that you’d probably endure a lot more of his flirting if you were to hang out with these guys often.

“Hey, knock it off you weirdo, you’re gonna scare her,” the one from the kitchen walks over and offers his hand for you to shake. You quickly shake it, afraid he might do the same thing as Jaemin.

“I’m Renjun, and don’t worry, I won’t kiss your hand. Some of us are normal, I promise,” he shoots a glare at Jaemin, who rolls his eyes in response. You softly laugh at Renjun and then your eyes move over to the last one, who is still sitting on the couch.

“Oh, I’m Jeno. It’s nice to meet you! Sorry I can’t get up right now, I sprained my ankle earlier today while moving our stuff in,” He gave you a sheepish smile.

“Aw I’m sorry about your ankle, I hope it gets better!” you offer your condolences. Jeno smiles and nods in gratitude.

“And your name?” Jaemin asks. You casually provide your name for the 3 other boys to hear and they nod.

“Truly a pleasure to meet you,” Jaemin beams at you.

“Would you like to stay for awhile?” Haechan suddenly asks from beside you.

“Oh...I appreciate the offer, but you guys look like you’re busy unpacking. Plus I was hoping to spend some quality time with...my...ice cream,” You hold up the food in it’s plastic bag.

“Ah don’t worry about us unpacking, I mean you can help too,” Haechan says, and Renjun smacks his arm then shoots him a disapproving look. You nervously chuckle and shift on your feet.

“Don’t worry about it. You’re free to go. It was delightful to meet you and your roommates, it’s nice to know we have some friends our age here,” Renjun tells you and you nod.

“It was delightful meeting you all too. I don’t know what my roommates told you, but if you have any questions about the building or something, you can always ask us,” you tell them while opening their front door.

“Thanks! Much appreciated!” Jeno waves goodbye to you. You wave to the four boys as you exit the apartment.

Just as you begin to close the door, Haechan slips out right after you.

“Hey, wait,” he calls out and you turn around to face the boy.

“Don’t be a stranger, okay?” he says, a glimmer of hope in his eyes. You give him a small smile in return.

“Give me a good reason not to be,” you tell him before you turn back to your apartment.

Haechan stares at you as you unlock your door and disappear into your own apartment, unsure of what to make of your remark. As he walks back to his own place, a smirk on his lips, he thinks of all the ways to make sure you stick around.

“Be careful what you ask for…”

↣

After Haechan’s first encounter with you, he finds any way possible to see you more. He makes it his mission to give you plenty of good reasons for you not to be a stranger (technically, per your request).

The first incident is more...accidental. If anything, he would have to blame the mail delivery person for this.

As Haechan arrives at the apartment building from his last class of the day, he decides to check his mailbox for his unit. He quickly gathers the envelopes and advertisement cards that were stuffed into his mailbox and locks it, then walks toward the elevator while sifting through it to see if there’s anything for him.

The only problem is that he doesn’t see his name...or any of his roommates’ names. He sees yours and your roommates’ names. He sighs in slight frustration at how incompetent the mail delivery person had to be to mix up his mail with yours but then a lightbulb goes off in his head. You need your mail...so he’s going to have to give it to you...which means…

When the elevator reaches your floor, Haechan makes an immediate beeline for your door. He knocks a few times before you swing the door open, confusion written in your features as you take in Haechan leaned up against your door frame.

“Donghyuck.”

Haechan’s--or Donghyuck’s--smug expression fades instantly at the use of his legal name.

“H-how did you--?”

“It was on your mail, which somehow ended up in my mailbox,” you cross your arms as you give him a suspicious glare.

“I didn’t do anything, I got your mail too,” he holds up your mail to your face and you raise your eyebrows in surprise.

“Oh,” you quickly take your mail from Haechan, “well thanks for getting my mail...Hyuck.” A smug smile paints your lips as you use his legal name again.

Haechan makes a disgruntled expression and sighs, “Why are you calling me that?”

“Because it’s cute and it’s, oh I don’t know...your actual name? Don’t worry, though, I’ll keep calling you Haechan,” You reassure him. Haechan gives you a suspicious glare and crosses his arms. He most definitely wasn’t expecting for you to be good at playing his game, which he thought that you didn’t know you were a part of.

“Can I just have my mail now?” He huffs, deciding to take a loss for this round.

“So impatient, geez,” you pick the stack of Haechan’s mail off your foyer table and hand it to him. Haechan takes his mail from you and is about to bid you adieu before he suddenly changes his mind on losing this round.

“Personally,” he begins, catching your attention from your mail, “I think you should use that Savage Fenty promo code. I’d love to see what you get.”

Your heart nearly stops in your chest as you look up in horror at Haechan’s shit-eating grin, knowing full well that he knocked you off your axis. You don’t even have a comeback, you just watch in silence as Haechan sends you a wink and leaves you standing in your doorway. He shouts a quick thank you before he enters his own apartment, shutting the door behind him.

“I can’t believe--” You hiss as you slam your door shut, your face incredibly hot from Haechan’s simple, yet flirty, remark. You knew he had to have skimmed through your mail, or he wouldn’t have shown up at your door to give it back. What you didn’t anticipate was that he’d use your mail against you.

“Were you just flirting with our neighbor?” You hear your roommate, Gaeun, behind you. You whip around to face her and scowl.

“No. He was flirting with me,” you inform her.

“You think he’s cute don’t you?”

“I do not!”

“Oh please, you’d be stupid to not think he’s cute. I cannot believe just a week ago you were so disinterested in our new neighbors and now you’re literally buddy-buddy with them, Haechan in particular,” she wiggles her eyebrows at you and you roll your eyes.

“Whatever, you’re annoying,” you scoff.

“You totally like him, huh?”

“Shut up no I don’t!”

“Alright, alright, fine. I have a hard time believing it, but okay,” Gaeun shrugs.

A comfortable silence fills the space between you and Gaeun before she pipes up again.

“I’m just saying if you end up sleeping with him, I won’t be surprised.”

“GAEUN!”

↣

A couple of days later, Haechan reminds you of his presence again.

You were doing homework in your living room when a frantic knocking on your front door unceremoniously interrupts you. You save your work and close your laptop before padding over to the door to see who is so rudely interrupting you from your studies.

Lo and behold, as you gaze through your peephole, you find Haechan standing on the other side. You sigh and reluctantly open the door, giving the boy an unamused glare.

“Thank God you’re home, I need your help,” Haechan exhales in relief. You raise your eyebrows at his distressed tone, unsure if something was wrong.

“Why, did something happen? Are you okay?” You ask him.

“Aw...you’re worried about me, how cute,” Haechan smiles at you, touched by your concern. You groan in annoyance and frown at him.

“No, I’m fine. Our kitchen, however is not; our sink is not draining properly and shit is coming up from the drain. I was wondering if you could give me the landlord’s email or number so we can call him to come fix it,” Haechan reveals. You furrow your brows and shake your head at him, thus confusing him.

“First of all, don’t call the landlord, he doesn’t know anything. Second of all, your sink is clogged, I’ll come fix it for you,” you tell him.

“What do you mean the landlord doesn’t know anything?” Haechan asks, put off by your comment.

“When I first moved in, our toilet had problems. So of course, I called the landlord to come fix it and he literally said he didn’t know what to do. Naturally, from that point, I learned how to fix everything since the landlord is useless,” you recount your story to Haechan. It’s at this point that Haechan starts second guessing his and his roommates’ decision to move into this apartment building.

“Are you sure--”

Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing, just give me a second to get my tools.” You close the door and return promptly, holding a simple toolbox with enthusiasm. Haechan gives you a strange look, but decides to see this through. If it’s a chance to spend time with you, he’s taking it.

“Alright, let’s go fix your kitchen sink!” you grin and close your door behind you as you determinedly march across the hall to Haechan’s place.

When you arrive, you quickly figure out what’s wrong and get to work. You open the cabinet doors that lead to the pipes under the counter and begin going through your toolbox to get the appropriate tools to fix the sink.

“Do you want to see how to fix this so next time you can do it yourself?” you suggest. Haechan blinks down at you as he thinks about his answer. On the one hand, he wants to stand and supervise you from a distance (an excuse to basically ogle your bare legs because of the denim shorts you were wearing), but on the other hand, he can be closer to you if he joins you under the sink.

“Hyuck?” Your use of his nickname snaps him out of his thoughts.

“Yeah I’ll watch you work on my pipes,” Haechan says without thinking. You deadpan at him, his unintended euphemism not going over your head.

“Really?” you raise a brow at him.

“What?”

“‘Work on your pipes?’ Do you think I’m stupid?” you scoff. It takes Haechan a second to realize what you mean before his jaw is dropping. The initial shock fades into cheekiness as he leans against the counter with a smirk.

“That’s not what I meant, but I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to work on that pipe,” he winks at you and you roll your eyes.

“I’m taking back my offer to teach you how to fix your sink,” you say before ducking your upper body under the sink. Haechan pushes himself from the counter and ducks under the sink with you, despite you rescinding your offer.

“No takesies backsies,” he settles in next to you. It’s slightly cramped, but you try to focus on anything other than his close proximity to you.

“Fine, just don’t say dumb shit like that again,” you say quietly while you begin the process of fixing Haechan’s sink.

“No promises,” Haechan grins and you laugh softly at his antics.

You show Haechan what’s wrong with his sink and how to repair it. He pays close attention to your instructions, finding them to be fairly simple. For the last half of the process, you come out from under the sink and show him the last few steps of unclogging the sink. When you believe you’ve restored the sink to its former glory, you test the garbage disposal and run the water, making sure everything is drained. Much to Haechan’s surprise, you effectively fixed his sink.

“Damn...thank you. It works perfectly now,” He says in relief.

“Anytime. I also just want to point out that the previous tenant had a LOT of cats, so that’s probably why all that hair was in your pipes. I don’t know why she would put it down the sink though, that’s gross,” you scrunch your nose in disgust and Haechan chuckles.

“Yeah well we don’t have any cats, so it won’t happen again,” He tells you with a small smile. You return the smile and quickly lean down to recover your tools so you can make a swift exit back to your apartment. Haechan can’t quite explain why he felt so attracted to you while you unclogged his sink and explained how to do so. All he knew was that it was quite an experience for him to watch you become a plumber in his presence.

“So were you paying attention to the plumbing lesson? Because I’m not about to purposely clog another sink to teach you again,” you ask as he walks you back to your apartment.

“I was too busy getting distracted by your beauty and missed like a good chunk of the lesson, to be honest,” he joked. You stare up at him, shocked by his audacity, but all he does is give you a cocky smile in return.

“You--you’re--fuck you,” you say as you quickly enter your apartment and shut the door in Haechan’s face, not wanting him to see you in your flustered state.  He blinks at your door, bewildered at your reaction, but soon realizes it wasn’t negative in the slightest.

Haechan walks back to his apartment with pride and a puffed out chest.

↣

You’re thoroughly convinced that the universe wants to prove your roommates right and you wrong. This becomes apparent to you once again at the end of a shower, you turning your shower head off and reaching for your towel.

At first, you don’t hear it, but after turning off your speaker and wrapping your towel around your body, you step outside the bathroom and hear the blaring noise: the fire alarm.

“Fuck...nooooooo,” you whisper as you hang your head in defeat. You debate quickly going to your room and throwing on clothes, but you remember the fire drill rules of the building and reluctantly grab your keys, phone and slippers. You dash down a few flights of stairs to the lobby and exit promptly, heading over to the building meetup point where the other residents are, all while holding your towel close to your body.

When you arrive, you try to hide yourself from passersby by blending in with the other building residents. You’re in the clear, heaving out a sigh of relief...that is until you hear the devil’s voice from your right side.

“Well don’t you look pretty standing there in nothing but a bath towel. Mind if I sneak a peek?” Haechan croons as he saunters over to you with a cheeky smirk. You turn your head towards Haechan, greeting him with a displeased expression, only for him to send you a wink.

“Hi, Donghyuck,” you huff, and cross your arms, effectively keeping your towel wrapped around your body.

Haechan places his hand on his heart in fake hurt, “When you say my name like that, it hurts.”

“Oh really? How would you like me to say it then?” you roll your eyes. Haechan moves to stand behind you and leans down so his lips brush the shell of your ear and in the most nonchalant tone, he whispers:

“Loudly and with pleasure, baby.”

You can’t control the shivers that are sent down your spine at the pet name and Haechan looks down at you with pride at his work. You scowl at the fact that your body reacted to his teasing, but even more so that you don’t hate it as much as you’re letting on. You refuse to turn around because you know that you wouldn’t be able to hold yourself back from either smiling at him or smacking him.

“Cat got your tongue, honey? Maybe you can put it to good use. Hm?” he pushes further and you can’t control yourself from whipping around and whacking his arm. The smile you’re so clearly fighting, though, tells him you’re not really mad at him.

“Shut up, you fucking dweeb, me being in a towel is not an invitation for you to hit on me nor is it a ploy to get you into bed,” you hiss at him and all he does is bite his lower lip softly and stick his hands in his front pockets.

“You’re the one who said not to give you a reason to remain strangers, and I always go the extra mile for people I consider…‘friends’,” he uses your past words against you. You gape in surprise at how cunning Haechan is and you wish you could slap the smug smile right off his face. You’re more mad at yourself for how his flirting is actually working and eliciting a reaction from you, especially a reaction from under your towel and between your legs. You can’t prove your roommates right, especially because you know they’d give you shit if they found out you actually did like Haechan.

“You’re insufferable,” you whisper just as the landlord announces that you’re allowed to come back into the building. You quickly stalk off toward the building, leaving Haechan alone to watch your retreating figure in admiration.

It’s only a matter of time before your resolve breaks...and he’s going to be there when it happens.

↣

You don’t see Haechan for another couple of days, which makes you a little more sad than you’d like to admit. You even go so far as to ask Renjun where Haechan was, mildly worried that Haechan was sick...or even lost interest in you. You swear Renjun to secrecy though, knowing that if Haechan finds out you asked about him, you’d never hear the end of it.

When you finally do see him, it’s on the elevator, on your way home from school. It’s silent as the elevator doors close the two of you into the space. After a few beats, haechan finally speaks.

“I hear you asked about me,” he says, fighting off a smirk. You sigh and make a mental note to kill Renjun the next time you see him.

“Yeah I hadn’t been annoyed in a few days so I just wanted to see why it was so quiet,” you roll your eyes and look over at Haechan to find that he’s already looking at you.

“Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night,” he shrugs nonchalantly and goes back to waiting for the elevator to arrive at your floor.

“So…?”

“So what?”

“Where were you?”

Haechan gives you a surprised look, but answers anyway, “I was studying for a midterm, snoopy. I have to keep my grades up you know.”

“Oh...well...I hope you pass,” you tell him, and a warm smile appears on his lips.

“I did. With flying colors. Thanks though,” he says back and before you can respond, the elevator dings and the doors open. Haechan files out first and you follow suit, reluctant to go back to your own apartment for some reason. No one is there, you know that for a fact. Before you take out your keys, you glance back at Haechan, who is standing motionless at his door, his back facing you.

“Haechan,” you call out, your lips moving before your brain can formulate thoughts. He turns back to you, wide-eyed and curious about why you said his name.

“Yeah?” He asks as he starts to inch closer to your end of the corridor.

“I…” you begin, but the rest of the words don’t come out. As Haechan gets closer, he can see your face more clearly, and the look in your eyes tells him everything he needs to know. Being ever so impatient, he doesn’t wait for you to finish your sentence and backs you up against your door, his lips (finally) feverishly connecting with yours.

Your eyes shut immediately as Haechan takes control and kisses you with hunger and desire. He places one hand on your waist and one hand caresses your cheek, not intending to let you go anywhere. He swipes his tongue on your lower lip and you allow him access almost immediately. You don’t know why you’re mildly surprised that Haechan is a phenomenal kisser, but that thought and any other lingering ones fade as his hands travel to your hips and grip them rather harshly. You gasp softly against his lips as he increases the pressure on your hips, and he takes the opportunity to begin kissing your neck, creating marks where his lips touch.

While Haechan concentrates on your neck, you quickly try to search your bag with only your sense of touch to find your keys to let the two of you in.

Haechan grabs them from you, breaking away from you for a split second to unlock and open the door. Once that is accomplished, he places his lips back on yours and ushers you into your apartment. His kissing gets more insistent and rough as he shuts the door behind him.

Articles of clothing trail behind the two of you as you advance to your room. By the time you arrive, the two of you are fighting for dominance through your making out. It gets so intense that you have to break away for air. The two of you stand chest to chest, half-naked and panting.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he asks breathlessly. His hands rest on your hips and give them a light squeeze just for kicks. Your breath hitches in your throat and Haechan notices and smirks.

“I’m just...” you begin but Hyuck squeezes your hips again and you let out a small whimper.

“What was that? I didn’t hear you,” he teases you.

“Shut up,” you pry his hands off your hips and push him back to your bed before straddling his thighs. “You’re not the only one who likes to be in charge, Hyuck.”

Haechan smirks from below you and hooks his fingers into the hem of your panties, pulling them down slowly.

“Oh sweetheart,” he pauses when he has taken your panties completely off, “don’t you know I can still have control from under you?”

“Huh?” you ask, but Haechan’s response is one of action. He slips his boxers down his legs, situates his cock in line with your entrance and pulls you down on him until he’s buried to the hilt. You both let out harmonious moans simultaneously, the stretch of his cock oh-so-satisfying and the wet warmth of your pussy giving him goosebumps. While you were mildly disgruntled you didn’t get to see his cock first, you felt like it was unnecessary at this point considering you could feel his size from inside your pussy.

“Fuck you‘re so wet, I knew you wanted to fuck me,” he hisses.

“How the hell...are you…?” You begin.

“This big? Why, don’t think you can handle it?” Haechan smugly asks.

“Just...fucking move, Hyuck,” you grunt, “or I will.”

“Baby’s so desperate for my cock she won’t wait for me to fuck her? What, you’re gonna fuck yourself on my cock?” Haechan teases you, but you take it as a challenge and promptly begin riding him.

“You...asked for it,” you smirk at him.

“Fuck...you feel so good,” Haechan praises you and you beam at him. You lean down and begin pressing open mouthed kisses along his neck, kisses which soon turn into hickeys. Haechan has to admit that it feels good to be treated like this. Like a king.

“Who’s in charge now, brat?” You whisper in his ear and Haechan’s gaze darkens. He brings his hands back to your hips and grips them so you stop in place.

“I am,” he responds before roughly thrusting up into you, “it’s my game, I always win.”

Haechan pistons his hips against yours and moan after moan spills from your lips. Every yelp of his name, mixed in with swears and incomprehensible sounds, pushes Haechan to go harder.

“Shit, Hyuck, I’m...I’m so close,” you mewl and grip his shoulders to steady yourself. Under normal circumstances, Haechan would edge you to no end, but he’s been waiting for this since the moment you told him that you didn’t want to be strangers. He was going to be self-indulgent just this once.

Haechan’s thrusting gets sloppier as you both get close to your highs. Finally you come undone around his cock, your walls hugging him so tight, it makes it harder for him to keep going. Haechan takes an immeasurable amount of self control to not cum inside of you (especially since he got ahead of himself and forgot to slip on a condom). After a couple more thrusts, he pulls you off of him and cums across his own stomach, chest heaving as he comes down from his high. You take a dollop of his cum on your finger and suck it off, making eye contact with him just to taunt him further.

“Get on my face,” he commands.

“What?”

“Get on, sit on, I don't care just get up here,” he grabs your thighs. At your lack of action, he pulls you up so your core is hovering above his lips.

“Hyuck, I don’t think I can take—Oh my fuck,” your plea is cut short by Haechan’s lips wrapping around your clit and sucking harshly on it.

Haechan is not done proving who is in charge—and that he’s perfectly capable of fucking you from beneath you—and decides to have a feast to treat himself.

His tongue expertly navigates your pussy, switching between tongue fucking your entrance and stimulating your clit. All you can hear are lewd slurping sounds and your cries of pleasure. Haechan hums into your clit and the vibrations send electricity throughout your body.

“Hyuck...Hyuck do that again please,” you beg him while lightly tugging his hair. Haechan surprisingly complies, but instead of simply humming, he lightly growls into your pussy, the sensation pushing you closer to the edge. It isn’t until Haechan gives your clit one harsh suck that you’re coming onto his face. He quickly slurps up your release before working on your pussy again.

He puts you through two more orgasms before he’s pushing you off of his face and onto your bed. He crosses his arms behind his head in satisfaction before he glances over at you. Your legs are still trembling and your eyes are closed in an attempt to regain your composure and breath.

“I’ll let you catch your breath before the next round,” he tells you and you open your eyes to give him a playful glare.

“Who said we were going multiple rounds?”

“Fine, I’ll go then.”

“No, wait!”

“Yeah that’s what I thought.”

↣

“Okay just be really quiet, I’m sure they’re home now and I cannot have them seeing you here.”

“I can’t believe you’re sneaking me out of your apartment, this is not high school, why can’t I just walk out of here?”

“Because then my roommates will be right and I don’t want them to clown me for giving into you.”

“You say that like sleeping with me was a bad thing,” Haechan raises an eyebrow as you escort him quietly to your front door.

“It wasn’t, but when you guys first moved in, I may have made a big deal of being uninterested in you and they like to prove me wrong. Just work with me here,” you explain.

“Oh how the tables turn. I’m sure you wouldn’t want them to know how eager you were for my—” Haechan begins but you place your hand on his face to shush him.

“I wouldn’t, so shut up,” you tell him as you make it to your front door.

“It’s gonna be a little harder for you to sneak me out when we do this again, y’know,” Haechan tells you while you open the door.

“Again? Why do you say that with so much certainty?” You ask him with a mischievous smile.

“Because I know it’s gonna happen again, please,” he scoffs and you softly laugh. Haechan smiles at the sound of your laugh and hopes that the next time he does come back, he gets to know you a little more before you sleep with each other again.

“Sure, keep telling yourself that,” you cross your arms with a shy smile, “now go home.”

“Until next time,” Haechan leans down and places a chaste kiss to your cheek before turning toward his door across the hall. You close the door as Haechan goes into his apartment and lean against the door, processing what just happened.

Haechan was right: you were going to need to be more sneaky the next time he was over.

[codenamesazanka]

I feel like I can’t stress enough how important Spinner is to the ‘My Villain Academia’ arc, and how badly I need BONES to give him the attention and care in portraying him that he deserves. BONES have been pretty faithful to the manga, they’ve followed the story and brought each scene on the page to the screen... Except for some reason not when it comes to the Villains. Maybe it’s because arguably the Villains wasn’t the focal point of the show and they weren’t what most viewers watched the show to see; fine, but that was the case in the beginning and no longer.

Shigaraki Tomura, his exploits, his character, his story *is* the manga: the Heroes and protag react mainly to him and his actions, his past and motivations is one of the main factors that caused the current central conflict, and resolving his character arc is what will probably bring the whole series - to its end or near end. Yeah, imo I argue that everything about him moves the plot along.

Unfortunately(?), I think Horikoshi-sensei realized/decided/planned this a bit too late in his pacing. He said himself during the Stain arc or so that at first, he wasn’t planning on doing villain profiles - he wanted the villains to be scary.

But for the time being, I have no intention of writing about [the villains]. I do the introductions because l personally like those sorts of behind-the-scenes things, and also because I want my readers to feel a connection to the characters. But with villains, I decided I can't have them too likable. They're supposed to be terrifying.

Often it’s what we don’t know/understand/predict/expect (and therefore can’t get a grasp on) that makes things scary/uncomfortable/dislikable. The Villains were strange, seemingly erratic and incomprehensible in their behavior and motivations, malicious without rhyme or reason. Even now, I think a lot of people still think they’re just ‘completely evil crazy psychopaths’.

Anyways, the quote from him is from Volume 7. A whole bunch of volumes later in Vol. 23, he decided nvm: “The story has evolved beyond that point, so I'm ready to start doing villain profiles.” As he said himself, the profiles are to help the readers connect with the characters, make them relatable and likable. That’s what My Villain Academia is all about in the meta sense - to demystify Shigaraki Tomura and his ragtag chaos friends, to give them depth, and to induce interest in their stories, if not sympathy. Hype them up for the rather major roles they play in this ‘final arc’ of the series.

Enter Spinner, the lizard ninja guy.

Besides his unusual looks, Spinner is really, truly nothing special. He’s got a weak quirk, he holds no title of being the strongest or smartest or whatever member of the League, he’s not related by blood or thematically to any major players in the main conflicts, and his ‘tragic’ backstory is completely mundane compared to his allies - he was bullied as a child, and so is fueled by resentment. In the events leading up to the start of the arc, Spinner is the most moral and understandable of the Villains - has a ‘good’ reason for his crimes (eradicate corrupted Heroes), has standards on who he’s willing to fight (questions attacking the police and anyone with a ‘true heroic spirit’), and wants a concrete game plan instead of aimless discord the rest of the League seems alright with.

Once the arc starts, we immediately learn the basics of his character - he’s got a heteromorph quirk that makes his appearance a humanoid gecko and it’s something he was born with that he can’t control, and yet he faces discrimination from literal KKK-type cultists who refuse to see him as human. This was more or less his life in his small, rural hometown, harsh enough that his heart had become ‘completely empty’. It’s simple, it’s relatable and an realistic analogy anyone who has faced prejudice and harassment and been hurt by it can understand.

All this is so Spinner ends up being the most normal and typical sympathetic of the League of Villains, which sets him up to be a sort of ‘gateway Villain’. It’s why he’s narrator. He doesn’t understand at all the crazy All For One shenanigans, he’s thinks Shigaraki is an incompetent weirdo, and he asks what we were all thinking: “Shigaraki Tomura, what the fuck are you doing.” Quite obviously, Spinner’s meant the audience surrogate and so he is. That being a core of the way the story of My Villain Academia is told means it needs be followed by the anime adaption.

This core sets up the rest of the arc - sets up how we will come to view Shigaraki Tomura and his backstory, alongside the rest of the League Villains, their relationships and dynamics with each other, and who they are at heart. Shigaraki’s telling of his distorted origins in Chapter 222 is horrifying as it is already; but it’s Spinner’s worried-facial-expressions reactions littered throughout the chapter that adds to it by telling us one major thing: Spinner’s an empathetic guy, because he immediately feels a kindred spirit with Shigaraki when the latter talks about the hollowness he feels. So begins the audience surrogate’s change of opinion and us readers going along with it, and also: that Shigaraki Tomura now has Spinner’s concern and attention - and is deserving of it.

Pardon the sudden heavily edited quote, but CS Lewis says,

Friendship arises...when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common...which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique [burden]. The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, "What? You too? I thought I was the only one." ...And instantly they stand together in an immense solitude.

That’s almost word for word Spinner in that moment, suddenly realizing he’s no longer as alone as he thought. He’s no longer as alone, and this means perhaps neither should Shigaraki. Because established in that very chapter, too, is the hate in Shigaraki’s heart fueled by his grief and despair, the loss of his family, past, and faith in others, his misery of thinking he’ll never feel good again. Yet - there’s Spinner, willing to extend some empathy and care, the very antidote to all that Shigaraki had revealed. Because the desire for companionship (or at least the lessening of the pain of loneliness) is universal, even among villains - maybe especially among these villains - we probably love to see it. Want to see it.

On that basis - friendship borne out of empathy - Spinner puts his faith his leader, puts his trust and support, and the rest of the arc is us following the tension of whether he was right to do so. Whether Shigaraki would live up to what Spinner expects of him, whether Spinner will side with Shigaraki despite their earlier conflict. Whether they could become friends, or something like that. And once they do, the consequences of this as things spiral more and more out of control, beyond this arc - that Spinner would know Shigaraki well enough to do something crucial at the turn of a battle later, that Spinner would stick by Shigaraki’s side when he’s in danger, that Spinner is loyal enough to Shigaraki to help him as a friend should.

Through Spinner, we come to see Shigaraki, originally incomprehensible and terrifying, as someone beyond a Villain or a leader, but rather someone valued as a person, a friend, a fellow silly gamer nerd. He’s still scary, of course - just less so, with a seed of doubt of his doom that Spinner - and only Spinner, by virtue of his specific narrative and emotional role in this arc - planted in their characters and the story.

It’s because of Spinner that MVA works, by itself, and as a stepping stone towards the rest of the series. So he really needs to be everything he is, was, and more in the anime adaption please BONES oh my god please

[shuahoonie]

out of love [tom holland]

PAIRING: tom holland x female!reader 

SUMMARY: being close friends with your ex is fine, right? even if your love for them was unparalleled among others. even if you were still in the process of moving on from them. even if you know they’re happy with someone else. even if you have no clue whether they loved you like you loved them. 

WARNINGS: foul language, so much angst, it starts ok at first then goes downhill from there. i literally write things on the go so i don’t know if this will have fluff at some point 

(if it does and i didn’t state it here, send me a cute photo of tom and a message of: ok wow she pulled thru 🤪; and if it doesn’t have fluff, send me a meme and a message of: miss girl i simply cannot today ✋😃)  

WORD COUNT: 5.6k 

A/N: hello! tonight, we are going to be sad!!! i know i usually like to write about all things fluff, but this?? this is just for me because i am having one of those episodes. i just need to feel something again aside from the stress of writing 3 academic papers per week lmao. i’m def not expecting people to like this type of vibe but yannoe. i apologize in advance. 

this is inspired by that one episode from new girl (season 6 x ep 16)

gif credits: @thollandgifs​ 

vanessa’s masterlist | taglist form | part two - pandemonium ​​

“You know, you can still live with us right?” Your friend Maia commented as she placed the box, labelled “fine china that mom gave me but will i ever use them?”, on the kitchen island. 

“I know,” You murmured dropping the heavy case of pots and pans on the floor. “But maybe living alone will be good for me.” You replied, forcing a smile. “Besides, I don’t want to int—“

“Hey, Y/N, where do you want this?” Harrison asked as he held out a box that’s labelled with “books that my grandpa passed on. HANDLE WITH CARE!” 

“Oh, just set it down on the living room—“ before you could even finish, Harrison dropped the box on the floor as if it was nothing. “Harrison!” You hissed, as you quickly rushed to check on the box. 

“Y/N, babe, they’re just books. Surely they can withstand any amount of pressure, yeah?” Haz tried to reassure you. 

“Haz, those books are from my grandpa—which I’m sure he got from his grandpa.” You sighed. “They’re really old and fragile, so I just want them to be in a well enough condition to stand in my bookcase.” 

“‘m sorry,” He murmured, rubbing the back of his head. “It’s just, why do you have to move out?” Harrison asked, frustrated at the whole thing. 

“Like I told Maia, maybe having my own place will be good for me.” You replied calmly, as you neatly put the box filled with your grandpa’s books in the corner room—the initial place where you want to build your bookcase. “It’s been a while since I’ve lived on my own.” 

“Yeah,” Harrison acknowledged “But there’s absolutely no reason for you to move out. You can’t possibly leave me with her!” He pointed at Maia who let out an audible gasp. Harrison was being dramatic of course.  

“Haz—“ You were trying to fight off a laugh. “You two are my constants and if I became dependant on having you two at my convenience, it’s going to be a huge problem.” 

“In my opinion, I don’t see it as a problem.” Maia pointed out childishly. You shook your head in disbelief. You had to move out because you miss having a place to yourself— a place where you can be at your complete worst and you don’t have to think about your friends worrying about you. 

Besides, moving out means you don’t have to see Tom that often and that was a bonus in your book. It wasn’t a sour breakup per se, it’s just really difficult to feel happy for your ex when he practically showcases how different he is now with his girlfriend. 

You prided yourself as a mature and well-rounded person who could be complete friends with her ex as if that’s normal. You could only keep the façade for so long. 

Four months. It’s been four months since you and Tom broke up. You lived with Maia soon after the breakup and that enough was a blessing. Maia couldn’t bear to handle the fact that you would be alone at a time like this. Harrison usually crashes at Maia’s so he was bound to move in with you two. In fact, he was always there more often than you. 

That was the point where you were convinced that Harrison liked Maia and that Maia liked Harrison.

Conveniently, you and Tom never ‘officially’ moved in together so you could avoid him freely at all costs.

Of course, that was eventually going to end soon. You and Tom were in the same friend group so you were bound to see each other, much to your dismay. You couldn’t exactly make Harrison and Maia pick friends because it’s not fair for anyone. 

You were all friends before you and Tom decided to date. Maybe that’s why people say to never date a friend—especially if they’re near and dear. 

You were coming back from work when you found people in the living room, and as if the universe really wanted to test you, it was the least likely people you’d expect to see. 

“Y/N!” Maia’s voice was pure panic. “I didn’t know you’d be home this early.” 

Your eyes quickly flickered between the two people standing across you before you diverted your attention to Maia. “Uh—yeah. There wasn’t really much to do in the office so I came home early.” 

Maia turned to Harrison who was equally lost on how to handle the situation. I mean, who wouldn’t?! What were you supposed to do when your friend drops in unannounced with their new girlfriend and to makes the matters worse, your other friend—whom your friend dated before— decides to come home early? 

You didn’t know how what kind of spirit took over your body that prompted you to extend your hand to the girl sitting beside your ex and say: “Hello, I’m Y/N.” 

The girl looked surprised but shook your hand in return. “Nadine,” Nadine smiled slyly “I—um, I’m Tom’s girlfriend.” 

Tom looked mildly uncomfortable but you chose to ignore it. You were becoming good at that—ignoring Tom. 

You returned the smile at Nadine. You could feel the burning stares from your friends, mostly Maia. You cleared your throat and said, “I’ll just be in my room to finish the papers I need to send to my editor if you’ll excuse me.” 

Before you left completely, you gave Nadine another smile and said, “It’s nice to meet you again, Nadine.”

You don’t remember how you got to your room but that was the least of your concern. You were just undeniably overwhelmed with what just happened that you didn’t even notice that there was a knock on your door. 

When you opened the door, it was the last person you expected to see standing in your doorframe. 

“Can we talk?” Tom asked in almost a whisper. 

You gave him a half shrug and opened the door slightly wider for him. 

“We’re okay, right?” He asked, looking at you in the eye. 

At this point, you convinced yourself that you were numb. You never talked about the breakup. You never overtly said anything about what you felt. You felt empty. You convinced yourself that you were empty. 

You stared back at Tom and without missing a beat, you replied “Of course. Why shouldn’t we?” 

“Just admit that you two will miss me,” You teased, grabbing another box from Maia. 

“Only if you admit that you’re moving out for an entirely different reason,” Maia whispered carefully as her eyes flickered towards Tom who was also helping with your move out. 

You pressed your lips together and acted like he wasn’t even there. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You said, you know, like a liar. 

You weren’t a vocal person. The idea of talking about your feelings was really difficult for you so you try your best to avoid it. Actually, it’s worse than that. You’d go to extreme lengths to avoid confrontation.

Obviously, it wasn’t healthy. You would always distance yourself whenever you feel emotionally exhausted, and you really meant that distance. It wasn’t bad at first—maybe a day or two was all you needed before you felt comfortable enough to be around people again. 

Then it became worse when you were in university. You were beyond unreachable. Aside from being emotionally exhausted, you were mentally drained too. You were always buried with papers and readings which was unavoidable but it took a huge toll on you. So whenever you get a chance to get a break, you completely shut off from people. 

Your friends definitely noticed it and they tried their best to help. 

Tom was among the people who definitely went out of their way to help you. He would always drop by at your dorm with food or coffee—he would literally just drop them off, most of the time. He would leave small notes that up to this day, you still kept and tucked away in a box. 

Both Maia and Harrison followed Tom’s approach. They would all alternate on who’s dropping what and when. Some days, Maia would drop off a new skincare product she’s been using or a lovely box of macarons from your favourite patisserie. 

On other days, Harrison would drop off some of his home-cooked meals or maybe a book he saw from a local bookstore—a book that reminded him of you.

Tom was very persistent though. He would sometimes wait out on the hall, just so he could see you and reassure himself (and your friends) that you were okay. 

You found it taxing at first—you would often try your best to match the energy from your friends, which only left you exhausted at the end of the day. You wanted space and you clearly weren’t getting that from Tom. You did acknowledge that he only did it out of pure concern. 

You often wondered why he did that, staying, but you didn’t ask him. You never did.

Maybe you were afraid that you’d come off as rude or that you’d seem ungrateful for dismissing someone when they’ve clearly taken the time off their day just to check on you. 

However, every time you’d open that door, it always seemed that Tom would breathe a huge sigh of relief when you lock eyes. Even if it was just for a quick second. You wondered about that too.

Tom wasn’t really being intrusive. Most of the time, he will leave a few minutes after you’d open the door to get the things your friends would drop off. You’d always ask him if he wants to stay inside for a bit, but he’d always decline.

Except for that one time, though. That one time that you knew you were going to fall in love.

It was the week of midterms and deadlines. You were knee-deep with papers from different classes that demanded to be finished that week, one of which was a research paper that practically tied you to your laptop and made you consume an unhealthy amount of caffeine. 

It wasn’t until 2 am when you were about to go on a quick drive to a McDonald’s but saw Tom dozed off in the hallway, his back pressed against the wall.

“Tom,” You shook him gently, trying not to startle him. “Tom, wake up.”

His eyes slowly fluttered open, seemingly disoriented at first but would soon fall into the warm familiarity that your face always brings. 

“Why are you sleeping in the hall?” You asked quietly, careful not to make a fuss. The walls in your dorm were very thin and you learned that the hard way. You’d think they’d put a disclaimer about that in the lease when you’re housing a bunch of university students with raging sex drives. 

It took Tom a minute to fully comprehend the question, seeing that the bright fluorescent light was being harsh on him and that he’s generally like that when being jolted awake. 

“Oh, erm, I—” Tom was finding the right words to use. He can’t exactly exclaim ‘I’ve been worried sick about you!’ out of nowhere. Instead he said, “I was waiting for you to open the door, just to see if you’re alright.” 

“All night?”

Tom scratched the back of his neck. “It seemed that way, yeah.” He muttered sheepishly. 

You were dumbfounded. Surely this was the first time someone actually fell asleep outside your door, waiting for you to come out. It was sweet but highly unnecessary. 

“I was just about to head out and get some McDonald’s, do you wanna come with?” You asked, giving him a hand to hoist himself up. 

“I should get going—“ 

“Have you eaten yet?” You asked cutting him off, taking Tom by surprise. He shook his head no. “Then you should really come.” You said, jingling your car keys in front of him.

Tom was debating whether or not to go with you. It’s been a while since you hung out, but that was the same case for everyone. None of your friends have properly hung out with you ever since the semester started. 

Tom should say yes, right? 

“Let’s go, Tommy,” You said as you grabbed his hand and dragged him across the hall. “I’ve been staring at my laptop all day and I really need some unhealthy food to balance out the concerning amount of caffeine I’ve consumed.” 

“Is that why you’re practically bouncing off the walls?” Tom asked amused, trying to keep up with your pace with your hand holding his. 

“Totally,” You grinned at him. “I need to wear out the caffeine or else, I’d have to skip my morning class again.” 

“French?” 

You nodded. “They’re counting the amount of absences in that class and I really need to keep my shit together.” 

“‘m not exactly sure why you took that as an elective,” Tom commented, properly wrapping his hand around yours with fingers interlacing each other.  

You tried to ignore it, you really did, but the warm feeling that settled around your stomach drove you crazy. 

“Why not? I think it’s cool to learn another language.��� You nudged him playfully which he gladly returned. 

“I know and trust me, I’m in awe that you’re learning another language! erm—I guess it’s just I feel like you’re overworking yourself too much.” Tom pointed out softly, hoping he didn’t come off as rude or intrusive. 

“Eh, I don’t mind.” You replied “It’s what drives me to keep going and for me that’s more than enough. Even if it leaves me little to no sleep, even if it takes too much of my time—it’s enough reason for me to do it.” 

Tom stared at you in admiration as soon as those words slipped out your mouth and you didn’t even notice it. You were walking towards the student parking lot, consumed by the twinkling lights from the neighbouring lanes near campus. 

Maybe if you weren’t busy consuming the quiet campus grounds, you’d notice the very first time Tom fell in love with you. 

“Besides, I know a phrase in french now.”

“Hm—and what’s that, then?” 

“Je ne suis pas l’escargot” 

“L’escargot? Isn’t that—“ 

“I am not a snail,” You giggled. “Well, it’s true, isn’t it?”

Tom laughed, “I supposed so.” 

Maybe if you weren’t so afraid of confrontation, you’d have an idea of when Tom knew that you were his person.

See, the thing is— you needed to face reality sooner or later and both your friends could see right through it. 

“Honestly, Y/N, how on earth can your box of art materials be this heavy—” Tom appeared in front of the door frame, heaving as he carried the box from two flights of stairs. 

You quickly averted your gaze from Maia, who was staring at you expectantly, and cleared your throat. “You can just set them by the door, Tom. I don’t know where to put them yet.” You said as you tried your best to act normal. 

“You sure? They’re a tad heavy and I don’t want you to strain yourself.” Tom asked with furrowed brows. 

All you could do was nod. The last thing you wanted was Tom’s focused attention on you.

“If you say so,” Tom sighed in defeat “I’m going to grab more boxes—Baby, you don’t have to carry that!” Tom was quick to disappear as he urgently dashed towards his girlfriend, Nadine. 

“Oh, but I want to help, Tommy.” You heard Nadine say sweetly, assuming she was also pouting. 

You could see Maia roll her eyes, urging you to give her a nudge and a taunting look. “Maia,” you called her out, silently pleading her to stop. 

Maia settled down but she wasn’t exactly calm about it either. “I’m still not sure why she’s here.” She murmured. You and Harrison were close enough that you can hear her rambles—which was expected from her anyway. 

Maia and Nadine go way back—like toddlers and playgrounds kind of way. Though that sounds figuratively adorable in a way, Maia and Nadine never got along. 

Nadine used to date Maia’s brother, which already caused Maia a great demise. As one could expect, the relationship didn’t end well. She left him out of nowhere, saying she needs to find herself—or something along those lines. 

A week after the breakup, what Nadine found was herself in the arms of another man. Of course, Maia’s brother was devastated—He truly loved Nadine. Maia had to be the pillar that her brother leaned on. It took Maia a great amount of time to help her brother pick up the pieces that Nadine left. 

So yeah—Maia wasn’t thrilled when she heard that Tom was Nadine’s new boyfriend. 

“She offered to help, Mai,” You whispered “Who am I to deny help?” 

Maia looked at you as if you managed to empty your head while you were moving in between flats. “She’s been after me ever since we were kids. She’s also the reason why it took my brother months to get out of bed,” Maia deadpanned “and She’s Tom’s new girlfriend. Remember Tom? Your ex?” She said rather loudly.

You gave her a tiny pinch on her arm, causing her to yelp. “Maia, are you nuts?!”

Harrison left the two of you so he could grab more boxes, while you and Maia bickered silently amongst each other. 

“You are thicker than I thought—Seriously, Y/N. Quit pinching me!” Maia aggressively rubbed her arm. 

“They’re going to hear you!” You hissed. “The last thing I want is for those two to get involved.” 

“Babe, they’re already involved. Tom, especially.” Maia remarked. “I see the way you look at Tom. I also see the pain you feel whenever he’s with she who must not be named.” 

“I’m not doing this Maia,” you mumbled as you walked past her. Your objective was now to help Harrison with the remaining boxes. Your objective was anything but to talk about you and Tom. 

“You have to face it sooner or later, Y/N.” Maia called out “I’m not leaving you or this apartment until you tell me what really happened.” 

“What’s going on?” Harrison asked as he entered the apartment, carrying three sets of boxes. You grabbed one from him and actively avoided his question. 

Before Maia could reply, Tom and Nadine appeared on the doorframe, with Nadine practically glued to Tom. 

“Harrison got the last remaining boxes so we’re heading off now,” Tom announced as Nadine’s face painted with clear desperation to get out of your place. “Are we still going bowling tonight?” Tom asked before Nadine whispered something in Tom’s ear and left.

“I’m actually exhausted so I’ll pass,” You answered, obviously avoiding spending time with your ex and his current girlfriend. You’re not that pathetic. 

“Same might actually have to just drink the night away,” Maia responded with a grin.

“Well, there’s no way I’m third-wheeling so I’m good,” Harrison said as he threw himself towards the plush teal couch that you snagged from a flea market. 

For the tiniest second, Tom seemed disappointed but gave a tight-lipped smile. “Oh, maybe we can reschedule our bowling night, then?” He asked. “It’s not as fun to go bowling with just the two people.” 

You, Harrison, and Maia all shared a look. You weren’t on board with bowling-night, to begin with, but you didn’t want Tom to feel as if you were avoiding him—which you were but no one needs to know that. 

Maia looked at you, waiting for an answer because god knows she will solely depend on her decision based on yours. You don’t even have an answer, to begin with. 

“What are you two supposed to do then?” Harrison asked Tom. Thank god for Harrison.

“I might take Nadine to this poetry jam event that she’s been dying to go to” Tom replied with a soft voice. 

“A poetry night?” Maia almost wanted to laugh “You don’t even have the slightest interest in literature, Tom.” Maia didn’t mean to offend him or maybe she did? She wasn’t completely fond of Tom ever since you and Tom broke up—well, she wasn’t fond of the idea that Tom was dating her ‘arch nemesis’, but Tom was her friend and so were you. 

“I know that, Mai.” Tom rolled his eyes “but Nadine likes it and I’ll do everything to make her happy.” That left a bitter taste in your mouth. 

“If you say so,” Maia murmured before she took a quick look at you. She looked like she wants to give you the biggest hug. But you held a stoic look on your face—something that you picked up because you were afraid of confrontation. 

“I’m serious,” Tom defended, lost in his feelings, which only irked Maia even more. 

“I know, I heard you— we heard you,” Maia replied, her face showing only one emotion: annoyed. “God, read the room,” Maia grumbled to herself. Harrison had to reach for her hand, urging her to calm down. 

“I really love her,” Tom whispered. That left a slap in the face. 

It was a cold Saturday afternoon and it has been raining almost all day. It was one of the rare weekends that you weren’t really occupied to do anything other than to lay on your couch and consume a copious amount of entertainment.

Despite the spitting rain, you actually want to head out this time. Being confined to your desk and the university was torture especially since you couldn’t do anything about it—the four of you were graduating this year, no one could afford to slack off. 

You and Tom were cuddled against the sofa— Tom was busy watching something on TV while you were busy scrolling on your phone. 

“Hey, Tom?” 

“Yes, my sweet girl?” 

“Do you want to go downtown?” You asked, looking at your phone as you read the details of an event happening this weekend.

“Right now?”

“Mhm,” you hummed. “There’s a book fair being held at the local theatre.” You rested your chin on top of his chest and gave him a pout. You were getting sick of being cooped up between your study table and the library. This book fair was a change of scenery and it’s definitely right up your alley.

“But it’s raining, darling” Tom tried to say in the softest way possible. It’s not exactly up in Tom’s interests though.

“I know,” You sighed “I guess I’m just getting sick of this place.”

“You’re getting sick of me?” Tom asked with a huge pout. He was kidding of course. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of you, Tom.” You chuckled softly. 

“Okay,” He hummed, pulling you closer to him—if that was even possible. “Then can we stay like this for a while?” 

“Anything for you, angel.” You whispered as you closed the details about the local book fair. Maybe next time. 

Soon after Tom left, Maia pulled you to her side and asked, “You okay, babe?” 

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” You feigned innocence. It was clear as day that you weren’t okay, your friends knew that. 

Knowing that you weren’t going to budge, Maia walked towards the kitchen and brought out a bottle of wine from the fridge. 

Harrison raised an eyebrow at her and asked, “When did you manage to put that in the fridge?” All of you had been occupied with grabbing boxes that there was no way that Maia had the time to put wine in the fridge, let alone obtain them from somewhere.

“It was supposed to be a celebratory drink for Y/N’s new place,” Maia replied as she set the wine and three various mugs on the coffee table. “Obviously, that’s not happening now.” Drinking wine using the oddly designed mugs you collected over the years was a cry for help. 

“It’s 4 pm, Mai.” You pointed out as you stared at the white LED clock that you bought off Amazon—another impulse purchase enabled from scrolling on Pinterest for way too long. “We haven’t even had lunch yet.” 

“Oh please,” Maia snorted “If there’s one thing that I’ve picked up from university, it’s drinking with little to no food consumption.” 

“And if there’s one thing that I’ve picked up from university, it’s cancelling all of my plans for the entire day because I have to tend your hungover-self, Mai,” Harrison remarked as he grabbed the bottle and placed it back on the fridge. “I’m ordering food and no one’s drinking until everyone has finished a meal.” 

You heard Maia mutter a string of curses but most especially the part that she said, “This is not the version of daddy that I envisioned Harrison to be.” 

All of a sudden Maia’s idea of binge drinking doesn’t seem like a bad idea, you thought. 

Turns out Harrison had no intention of letting any of you drink. He was pretty adamant about not having to babysit two drunk messes in one night. 

“As if babysitting one isn’t enough,” You recalled Harrison say. He was obviously pertaining to Maia, in which she just huffed the entire time. You often wondered if Maia and Harrison noticed the obvious tension between them, because personally you found it endearing. It was no question that they were meant for each other. 

“Y/N, you still haven’t told us whatever happened between you and Tom.” Maia suddenly pointed out. You, Maia, and Harrison were still in the living room, silently watching TV. 

You were actively avoiding this conversation for the longest time as you haven’t told anyone about it, and based by the curious faces of your friends, you figured that Tom didn’t tell anyone about it either. You’re still not sure whether that’s a relief or not.  

“There’s nothing to talk about.” You mumbled. It’s not like you were lying, there really was barely anything to talk about. Heck—You and Tom never got to talk about it properly either. 

“We see the way you look at him, Y/N.” Harrison replied softly. “I think there is something.” 

“Look—” Maia sat up properly “I know you’re not really vocal about your feelings, but the fact that you’ve never talked nor showed any emotion about your breakup terrifies me, babe.” Maia’s tone was laced with concern. 

“I remember the day you told us about it too,” Harrison couldn’t hide his concern too “We were having brunch together at our usual diner and half-way through our meal, you promptly said “We broke up” when Maia asked where Tom was,” Harrison recalled it like it was a fever dream. He and Maia had already expected that you weren’t going to tell them about the breakup when it just happened. However, it baffles them that it’s been over a year since you and Tom broke up, and not one word has been said about it. 

It was silent for a while, except for Criminal Minds that was playing on the TV. You blankly stared at the screen, hoping that you’d catch whatever the agents were saying. It was impossible, especially when all your mind could focus on was the recollection of the day Tom knocked on your door at 1 am to breakup.  

You were relatively busy that day from volunteer work, so you haven’t seen any of your friends the entire day—or Tom for that matter. Actually, you haven’t seen Tom in a few days. He would send texts periodically throughout the day but they were always short and most of the time, you always forget to reply. 

You figured Tom was busy with his own thing and both of you established early on in your relationship that texting—or lack thereof— shouldn’t account to your relationship, especially since both of you are equally bad at it. 

You didn’t think any of it since you were bound to see your boyfriend and your friends tomorrow for brunch anyway. He will have your undivided attention by then. 

So imagine your surprise when you heard a soft knock from your door at 1 am, only to find Tom in disarray. His eyes were bloodshot red, tears falling down his face. His messy curls were masked under the hood from his jumper. 

At first you were in panic, you thought that something terrible had happened to any of your friends—his family even. 

But as soon as Tom dropped to his knees and whispered, “I’m sorry,” you had a clear idea what was bound to happen next. 

It’s been silent for a while. The door was still open and Tom sat out in the hall with his back leaning against your wall. You did the same thing except you were on the other side of the wall that Tom was leaning on. 

You two were close enough to the door frame that you could hear each other, actually facing each other was a whole other thing. Tears kept streaming down your face as you kept your eyes closed and rested your head against the wall. 

At some point in your relationship, you prepared yourself in case this happened— that you would accept whatever happens between you and Tom. You didn’t exactly anticipate that it would happen so soon. 

“Was there someone else?” You asked quietly. It was the first time you spoke after Tom dropped to his knees. You hoped there wasn’t. In fact, you silently begged to yourself that there wasn’t someone else, because you knew that you couldn’t handle that. 

“No, no—of course not.” Tom immediately answers.”I could never do that to you.” 

It was silent again. You were starting to feel numb—you tried your best to gather your thoughts and forced words out of your mouth, but you couldn’t. 

“Are we not worth fighting anymore?” You practically whispered. It was a gamble— you weren’t exactly sure if Tom had heard it and you don’t have enough strength to ask it again. 

“Y/N,” Tom sniffled. “You can’t say that.” He placed his hand on top of yours. You had your hand resting on the floor and you didn’t exactly notice that it served as an invitation for Tom hold it again. 

You love Tom with all your heart. He kept dismissing it but Tom made you a better person. He made you feel like love can be expressed through different forms of things—not just words.

You loved him by exclusively making time for him. You went on museum dates where he would make cheesy remarks, saying that you’re the most remarkable piece of art in the entire place. You went on dates to watch football games—you never understood it but Tom was happy, so you were happy.

You loved him through your touch. You would often massage his back because he had been tirelessly working himself to the core. He didn’t ask for it but you knew it would make him feel better. Your touch didn’t have to be intimate—though you expressed it through that way too

You loved him through mindless actions. Almost every time you would stop by at the local cafe to grab yourself some coffee, you would always recite Tom’s favourite order on autopilot. 

You loved him through silence. Study dates were gems for you. Even if you didn’t talk for the entirety of it and even if you were the only one who studied for the most part and Tom was just playing on his phone, having Tom beside you was enough.

You loved him so much that it pains you to think that maybe you weren’t enough for him. 

“I don’t think I can fight for someone who doesn’t even want to,” You muttered bitterly. “Just answer the question, Tom.” 

He didn’t answer. All you could hear were the silent sobs that you two were trying to hold back. At this point, you knew you wouldn’t look at Tom. Your heart wouldn’t take it—it will crush you. 

“Are you not happy anymore?” Your voice cracked as you broke into a sob.

“Y/N—“ Tom squeezed your hand even more. You’re going to miss it, but you had to let go. 

“Tom, if I’m standing in the way of your happiness then we should end this.” You cleared your throat and pulled your hand away. There’s a ghostly feeling that still lingered from Tom’s touch. 

“Please, Y/N, let me explain—“ 

“It’s okay, Tom.” You whispered. “I understand.” 

“You know I love you, Y/N.” 

“I love you too, Tom.” 

“But—“ 

“But maybe it’s best if we end it, I know. I got it.” You let out a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down from crying. “Maybe it’s better if we stayed as friends.” Maybe it’s better to realize that whatever you and Tom had were too good to be true—that your love will never compare to the love he deserves. 

“Do you want the truth?” You asked your friends, with tears forming in your eyes. You can’t even decipher how they looked at you because of the tears clouding your vision. 

Were they looking at you in pity? Empathy? Sadness? 

“The truth is—I’m mad.” You gritted the words through your teeth. This was the first time your friends had seen you like this. All of the pent-up sadness, aggression, and hurt you felt was starting to get the best of you. 

“I’m angry. I’m hurt.” You snarled, furiously wiping the tears from your face. “I’m angry at the fact that I can’t seem to be genuinely happy for Tom. I’m hurt at the idea he seems to be a better boyfriend for Nadine, that he constantly makes an effort for her.”

“I don’t even know if he even loved me the way that I loved him,” Your voice became quiet “and it’s selfish for me to think that way because I never fought for it—for us. That’s enough reason to keep me up at night.” 

That’s enough reason for you to wonder if you’ll be capable of loving someone so deeply again. 

PERMANENT TAGLIST: 

@quaksonhehe @dark-infernal-instruments @trustfundparker @emsma11 @tomshufflepuff @spider-babe @goodgirlgonetom @tabi-toast​ 

[itsmoonpeaches]

Raya and the Last Dragon: The Importance of Water in Southeast Asia

Disclaimer: The following is from the perspective of a Filipino SEA. Please feel free to add or edit from other perspectives. There are *spoilers* below.

Though Raya and the Last Dragon has its flaws, what it did well, it did really well. Out of every cultural reference that I spotted in this film, the one that stood out the most was the portrayal of water. 

In the end credits song, Lead the Way, originally sung in English by Jhené Aiko, there is one lyric that stands out as a nod to this culture of water:

There's an energy in the water There is magic deep in our heart There's a legacy that we honor When we bring the light to the dark Whatever brings us together Can nevеr tear us apart We becomе stronger than ever

There are beautiful views of bodies of water in the movie, and scenes that deliberately look over them. But, it’s much more than that.

The geography of SEA is already so rooted with water. The lands that make up the region are either located on a peninsula and cut through with rivers, or made up of hundreds of islands in the middle of the ocean. 

So, let’s talk about water in SEA and in this movie. Below is an in-depth analysis of the cultural significance of water whether it is rain, rivers, oceans, or mythological aspects alluded to in the film.

Nagas and other myths

Let’s start with mythology because this is the basis of much of Raya and the Last Dragon. I want to first point out that this is not an opinion post, so I will not be touching much on my opinions on how the dragons looked like. (TLDR: Disney could’ve done better.) 

So many myths in SEA are connected to water besides the dragons, but let’s focus on those.

I did mention briefly about naga and water dragons in my long analysis post on the final international trailer. However, I will go in a little deeper here.

Naga The dragons in this movie are based on the SEA version of a dragon. More specifically a sea serpent or a water serpent. They don’t breathe fire. In fact, they have nothing to do with fire. Their powers all influence water (and sometimes create earthquakes). Their powers include typical influence over water, creating rain, causing winds, and shape-shifting.  They are incredibly powerful and revered. Sometimes they are even seen as deities like the Bakunawa in the Philippines. In RATLD, these nagas have a long horn at the front most prominent in Thai and Laotian versions of nagas. They are scaly and might have a kind of crown on their head, or gold jewelry around them. In most portions of SEA, nagas don’t have legs. It looks like the dragons here were partially inspired by an East Asian dragon or maybe the Vietnamese dragon. Other depictions can have them with multiple heads. Nagas also appear in South Asian culture. Here’s a quote from my initial long analysis post to add to this:

Naga are so important within SEA cultures that we have multiple places (and a river) named after them all over SEA and particularly a few times in the Philippines. 

What I can tell you is mostly the Philippine version, but a naga is a serpentine creature that lives deep in the ocean, and are often associated with water. Sometimes they are depicted as having the upper half of a woman. 

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In the southern islands of the Philippines, depictions of naga are seen carved throughout buildings, particularly on roofs. A typical dance movement where you keep your hands curved and your fingers bent toward yourself is called “naga hands” and is supposed to be reminiscent of a naga’s graceful claws.

Bakunawa Just to highlight why nagas are so revered, I’m going further into the myth of Bakunawa. Specifically, the Bakunawa story comes from around the Visayas and Bicol regions of the Philippines which is south of the main island of Luzon. Bakunawa is said to be a giant sea dragon with a mouth as large as a lake. It lives deep in the ocean and has influence over the sea and earthquakes, in the depths of the underworld. There are a few versions of the story including that the Bakunawa is a naga that was enthralled by the beauty of the 7 moons and ate them until there was only 1 left.  In some versions the god Bathala stopped Bakunawa from devouring the last moon. In other versions, the people down below made loud noises with pots and pans to scare Bakunawa from eating it. There are also another version in which the Bakunawa was once a beautiful goddess. It is also known as a man-eater in other tales. There are similar versions of a giant serpent or dragon-like bird causing eclipses (whether lunar or solar) in other parts of the Philippines.

Rain

I can’t tell you how important rain is in SEA. It’s not that it never rains, but that it rains a lot. Much of SEA is rainforests, which is an attribute that contributes so the rich biodiversity. 

In RATLD, rain is depicted as a positive event...because it is. Raya and her friends are shown happy and laughing when Sisu makes rain. Sure, rain can be bad. Too much of it comes with typhoons and floods, but rain means a lot more than the bad things.

But enough rain means that the rivers aren’t dried out. Take the desert region of Kumandra for example. Raya goes there to the end of a dried up river. At the end when the dragons all come back, rain falls and the river is alive again. The people in that region can prosper again.

Rain symbolizes new life Now, this story I’m about to tell you is completely from oral tradition and was passed down to me by a culture bearer from from the island of Mindanao in the Philippines.  This person said that when they were young, they did not have to worry about buying food because it was always available around them. If it rained, that was a good thing because it meant that the next day when the grass was damp, there would be mushrooms sprouting that they could pick. (There is an umbrella dance coming from this region that depicts mushrooms popping up after a storm.) If it was windy from the rain, it meant that there were fruit that would shake out of the trees.   Rain also means food will grow. Staples like rice need a lot of water. Rice paddies need to be to be constantly flooded so that they can grow, and water means food whether it is in the form of rain, rivers, or the ocean. It means fresh drinking water and abundance.

Nagas and rain Remember how above I said that nagas can influence rainfall? Well, Sisu does just that in this movie. She says that one of her siblings originally had this power, and Sisu gained it because she came into contact with a piece of the dragon gem.  This adds to the positivity of rain because nagas are already so revered because of the magic they can do in the movie (and in mythology), that the people that witness it are in absolute awe. 

Rivers

Besides the ocean, rivers are the heart of SEA. From the Mekong River that runs through 5 SEA countries including Vietnam, Myanmar, Laos, Thailand, and Cambodia, to the UNESCO site of the underground river in Palawan, Philippines...rivers are just part of the lay of the land. 

They are shown to be all of those things in RATLD. There are streams and tributaries that flow into mountains and underground where the dragon gem was originally hidden in Heart. Additionally, there is the incredibly long river that separates the land in the shape of a dragon that flows through all the regions of Kumandra, reminiscent of the Mekong.  Rivers are so important that there is even a region in the Philippines called Pampanga that is named after the Tagalog translation of the word “river” seen in the first part of the region’s name, “pampang.” They are the people of the river. 

There are whole fishing villages throughout SEA that are built on a river. In fact, there’s one in RATLD. 

Rivers are a source of many things, including food and drinking water. When there is a flood during wet season, the land will be full of silt, making the land prime for planting.

I don’t have to tell you how important a water dragon is at this point, but the fact that the movie chose to have that be the shape of the river is significant because nagas live in rivers too. 

Transportation This should be a no-brainer, but in case you forgot, rivers mean boats. Boats mean people will want to get around and trade. And, boat culture is so important in SEA.  There are all kinds of boats in the region from the huge deep-water kind, to the fishing boats, to thin canoe-like ones, to coracles. You can see them especially showcased in the river town in Tail in Kumandra. 

Oceans

Honestly, there wasn’t much about the sea in RATLD, but it’s important to note because nagas in and of themselves have origins in the ocean as well. 

The sea is another very important core of SEA culture. Its waters are more unforgiving than rivers, and more unpredictable. Magical, mythological sea creatures tend to be more violent here, and will only be kind to those who are kind first.

In island nations like the Philippines and Indonesia, the people rely on the ocean for so many things. Especially if they live right on the water, some can be fantastic swimmers and can dive and fish for their own food. The ocean is respected, and it is feared.

Though there is no explicit ocean in RATLD, there are elements from port cities and towns that exist including the deep-water boats. In the movie and in SEA, seafood is important.

There’s a scene where Raya and Sisu meet Boun and he offers them shrimp congee. Shrimp is a popular food in SEA, and can be seen in many dishes besides congee or any rice-based dishes. 

In the river town, we also see elements of passing fish baskets through the water after a day of fishing, and eating and buying fresh foods to cook later in a water-side market.

Irrigation

It’s pretty obvious that water is needed for irrigation, but just think about how earlier I pointed out how deeply water is utilized. Much of the food in SEA needs water to survive, a lot more than in landlocked countries. 

Rice terraces Remember rice? It needs a heck ton of irrigation in order to survive. This means a lot of rain and a lot of soil cultivating. If you take a look at the rice terraces that surround Fang, and even the picture of more overgrown terraces next to the river in the transportation section of this analysis, you can see that rice paddies are supposed to be flooded. Rice terraces are all over Asia, but there are so many of them in SEA that are ancient and still work including the Tagalalang rice terraces in Bali, Indonesia and the Banaue rice terraces in Banaue, Philippines. Honestly I could talk about the importance of rice and water for ages. Sure, rice is a staple in all of Asia, not just in SEA, but in East Asia as well. However, I would argue that it is even more of a staple in SEA.  Sure, there are noodle dishes, and bread, but rice is so ridiculously important that in the Philippines, it’s not considered a real meal if there is no rice. There is even a word for food eaten with rice, “ulam.” In fact, in the entire movie, I don’t think I can recall one eating scene in which the characters are not also eating rice with their food. Unless of course, it’s just a snack like fruit. (Maybe there was a stew only scene?) There is a scene towards the beginning of the movie when Raya asks Namaari, “Stew or rice?” when asking which she would prefer. Namaari never answers the question, but she says that it is her first time eating rice in a while. Though it’s never explicitly said, it could be implied that it is because they did not have as much rainwater for irrigation at the time. 

Protection

I’ve talked about rivers and the ocean, but I haven’t talked about water as a barrier. Though water as a barrier isn’t an infallible one, it is still important to note.

Protecting from intruders SEA is separated by water. It is also a region that had wars within their own countries in pre-colonial times, and of course, when they were colonized. (Though shout out to Thailand for being lucky in that regard. It remains the only country in SEA not colonized by Europeans.)  There were wars between chiefs in the Philippines, and often they had to traverse the ocean or cross bodies of waters to get to the lands they needed to fight on. It ended up becoming a process with a lot of planning. Though SEAs are people of the water, they obviously can’t breathe under it.  Nagas here are also important because in RATLD they are seen as powerful, respected protectors. And of course, they are borne of the water.

If you take a look at the picture above, it shows that part of the movie when the water starts disappearing because Sisu disappears. As the last water dragon, her connection to the water was keeping the land alive. With Sisu gone, so was the water, and therefore the protection for the people. The Druun spirit came in with no more hindrances because there was no water to stop them. 

The power of the water and the magical energy of the water dragon really showcased itself here.

Interconnectedness

SEA used to be an interconnected region that traded with each other. Of course, not that SEA countries don’t trade now, but it isn’t at the same level as before. The borders now were created after centuries of colonialization. 

Water is what connected all the countries of SEA. 

Just take a look at the map of SEA above (in red). There is no other region of the world that’s quite like this, except maybe Oceania and around the Mediterranean. It’s relatively easy for these countries and people to trade and share cultures and traditions with one another. Manila, Philippines and the Tondo region was once one of the most frequented ports in SEA. Trade was done with China, India, Africa, and the Middle East. The same kind of trade occurred in other SEA countries as well.

Because of the history of trade over water that is rich in its pre-colonial past, SEA shares many similar cultural aspects and even similar words in languages. Though of course, though there are similarities, there are a lot of differences as well. SEA is not a monolith.

If you want to think of it this way...that Korea, China, and Japan share so many things with each other including having a history of being able to share Chinese characters (the different names including hanzi, kanji, hanja), but that each country and culture is very different...that is what SEA is too. 

This aspect of interconnectedness, yet with differences is emulated in RATLD. In the lore for Kumandra, the movie notes that all the regions were once one, but were separated after something broke them (that something being the malice of the Druun spirit). Yet, if they worked together they could become Kumandra once again. 

It is shown in RATLD that the best way to make the spicy stew that is pops up multiple times, is to add all the spices and ingredients from all the regions of the land that was once Kumandra. This showcases that just like SEA, Kumandra was once a land of incredible interconnected communication and trade.

Kumandra wasn’t colonized, but it was separated by 500 years of land. The people didn’t use the water the same way. SEA was colonized (and actually, 500 years to the date on March 15, 1521 to March 15, 2021—the Philippines was “discovered” by the Spaniards so I wonder if that was a conscious choice on Disney’s part), and broken apart. I’m sure that without European colonialization, SEA could’ve been one huge interconnected country. Or bigger countries with different dialects. 

Spirituality 

Lastly, let’s talk about the spirituality of water. In RATLD, there are no other spirits besides the Druun which is made of discord and malice created from human malcontent. Yet, the Druun cannot go near water. I don’t know the exact reason for why it can’t or if it was inspired by a piece of mythology from an SEA country, but that is significant. (If you do know the reasoning behind this, please feel free to add onto this.)

SEA is full to the brim with myths and legends of nature spirits. From spirits that live in trees, to spirits that live in the water. And yes, they are spirits. They can be spirits of ancestors too.  The way Chief Benja pours a bowl of water on Raya’s head as beads of it float into the air...it is a great touch to highlight the energy that water just inherently has in any SEA tradition.

Though it’s probably a little reaching to point this out, the fact that Sisu was said to be washed to the end of a river is so interesting when Raya is looking for her. This is because in some SEA myths the river takes your spirit to the underworld. Raya finds Sisu at the end of a river and she is made of stone, her spirit stolen until her power is unleashed again with the dragon gem. 

Floating flowers Perhaps the most beautiful aspect of the movie and as it relates to water is the fact that the animators made a conscious choice to show so much imagery of characters making flowers float upon water. And of course, to use floating flowers as decoration. Characters like Raya, Boun, and Sisu float flowers that look like orchids or jasmine flowers to remember their lost loved ones. The choice of flowers is significant too. These are flowers that are native to SEA. There are flowers everywhere and that is so pretty and so accurate. To have them used as decoration floating in pools is also so nice too, because it is something that is done in households and not just in a palace. You can float a gardenia flower in a bowl of water to make the scent spread in a room, and it makes the flower last longer.

End 

I’m sure there is a lot more I missed or things I got wrong. If you see anything you want to add or fix, please feel free to write it in any future reblogs!