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[greyias]

FIC: By the Guidance of Stars - Chapter 8

Title: By the Guidance of Stars Fandom: SWTOR Pairing: Theron Shan/f!Jedi Knight Rating: T (this chapter) Genre: Angst, H/C, Romance, Humor Synopsis: The Coalition tries to heal in the aftermath of the Battle of Yavin 4, but not every wound is physical. A series of missing scenes set during the end of Shadow of Revan. Warnings: See Chapter 1. Author’s Note: Last of the previously posted chapters, although this version has been revised to adjust for canon and some other things that bugged me.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Crossposted to AO3

As twilight gave way to night, the oppressive humidity eased into a slightly uncomfortable mugginess, but the breeze atop the crumbling platform chased through the open crevices in Theron’s jacket, making him almost cold. It was absolutely wonderful, and he didn’t know why anyone ever came down from this place if this was the alternative to drowning in their own sweat in the main camp. Of course, his reasons for extending his stay up on the high vantage point might have been more than just escaping the uncomfortable jungle swelter. Everyone would be departing Yavin tomorrow and going their separate ways. The moment his head hit the pillow, tomorrow would come, and with it, farewells.

Until then, he had the night.

Theron had no idea what was going on with him. His chest felt light, like it might float away and take the rest of his body with it at any moment. It was almost like being drunk, without having to take shots from any of the flasks traveling around camp. He would have suspected someone had snuck something in the evening meal, except none of it had started until he had gotten up onto the platform. Part of him wanted to run far, far away until this temporary madness passed, and the other part of him just wanted to sweep his companion off her feet and just disappear into her embrace until the stars went cold, any onlookers be damned. Neither of those options made any logical sense, so instead he flopped down at the edge of the platform and let his legs dangle over the precipice. The feeling of nothingness meeting his feet and staring at the several hundred foot drop into the jungle below set his heart pumping and he leaned forward to try and find the bottom.

Apparently that was one step too far, because the action gained a startled shout. “What are you doing?”

He tossed a look back at the fretting Jedi. “Sitting. It’s fun.”

“What if you fall?”

He shot her a boyish grin. “Then you’ll catch me.”

She huffed and crossed her arms. “With what? The Force?”

“I’ll let you figure out the details if it comes to that.”

“You have an awful lot of faith in my abilities to prevent you from doing something stupid.”

“You haven’t let me down yet.”

The sigh she let out was exasperated, but even in the darkness he could make out the corners of her lips twitching as she tried to repress a smile. “Why do you make a habit of being so reckless?”

“Because it’s fun.” He pat the open space next to him in invitation. “It’s a nice view. Why don’t you come over here and see?” 

She crossed her arms, canting her hip at an angle. “And what if I fall?”

He met her stubborn irritation with a warm smile. “Then I’ll catch you.”

Grey shuffled forward a few steps, possibly without thinking about it, because she stopped with a sudden jerk and stared at him suspiciously. “And what if we both fall?”

“Well, then,” he leaned back on one palm, craning his neck so he could watch her every reaction in the starlight, “at least we’d be falling together. I’m sure between the two of us we’d figure something out.”

“You are impossible,” she muttered, but slid in next to him. 

Gingerly she extended one leg off the edge, fist curled into what was probably a white knuckled grip under those gloves. He took pity on her, and extended his hand. She eyed it for a moment, before grasping it firmly and flinging the other leg off the edge dramatically. Her nod to him was defiant, even as her fingers formed a vice around his hand.

“See? Isn’t this nice?” he asked.

“It would be nicer with a railing.”

“That’d take out half the fun.” He lightly kicked her foot with his, earning a glare. “You don’t get an adrenaline rush if you know you can’t fall.”

“You don’t get enough of those while on the clock?”

“Do you?” he challenged.

In his mind’s eye, Theron could still see her blades twirling in a blur on on Tython. Could still feel the adrenaline pumping through his own veins as she risked her own life again and again with no hesitation. On Manaan. Rakata. Rishi. As innocent and proper an exterior she liked to present to the world, there was something wild and dangerous and irresistible lurking underneath that sweet facade. Someone a lot like himself. Just waiting for the right moment to burst forth.

“A Jedi doesn’t seek—“

He put a finger to her lips to stop the expected tirade, and leaned in a little closer. “I didn’t ask about a Jedi—I asked about you.” 

She frowned, leaning back just enough so his finger slipped down from her lips to rest against her chin. “Do you really think there’s a difference?”

Theron didn’t break her gaze, and just nodded ever so slightly with a soft hum of agreement. There was much more to her than the perfect little Jedi she kept trying to pretend to be. Too many layers and mysteries underneath the surface, and he wanted to peel back each one until she was laid bare before him. In every sense and meaning of the phrase.

Her fingers were still wrapped around his one hand like an anchor, and she let out a small huff as she glanced away. “We were talking about you, not me.”

“If you say so,” he said softly, and slowly leaned back into his own space.

The uncertain expression that flashed across her face was just as confusing as the strange fever that had overtaken him since he’d climbed up onto this platform. If he looked too deeply into any of this he’d probably descend into madness, or whatever the next step was after his current stage of mania. Her fingers loosened their death grip, and he let his hand drop back to the ground. She stared at it, lips pursed together as if she was trying to puzzle something out.

“I don’t always understand you,” she said after a moment. “You say one thing, but do another. Yet I don’t ever get the sense that you’re being dishonest with either.”

“Are you talking about anything in particular, or just in general?”

“I’m sorry.” She shook her head. “I’m not making sense.”

“I haven’t really felt like I’ve been making much sense either,” he admitted quietly.

“Like dangling off the edge of a two-hundred foot drop for no reason?”

“I told you the reason,” he said lightly, “that it’s fun.”

“You probably find explosions fun too,” she said sourly.

“It depends on how close I am to the explosion.”

“What frightens me is I don’t think you’re joking.”

“As I said,” he sat up, leaning ever so slightly to peek over the edge, pretending to teeter a little just because he was kind of an ass, “a little danger never hurt anyone.”

“And a little caution doesn’t hurt anything either.” Her hand immediately grabbed onto his arm, pulling him back. A thrill shot through him both at the renewed contact and the protective gesture.

“I suppose we could meet somewhere in the middle.” He inched back from the edge a few inches and some of the tension relaxed out of her frame. “If you’d like.”

“Perhaps.” She edged closer to him and the precipice, hand anchored around his arm as she pressed against him. “But I draw the line at explosions.”

“Oh, come on,” his breath puffed across her skin as he leaned in closer, “you love explosions, and you know it.”

He couldn’t see her roll her eyes, but he heard the exasperated breath she let out before her lips brushed chastely against his for the first time since Rishi. Her hand was still clamped down tight on his arm, as if holding on for dear life. He felt her tongue flick between his lips, a delicate tease that he obliged as he deepened the kiss. A wave of heat crashed over him, and if he wasn’t careful he could easily drown. 

It was just a small taste, but enough to light a deep, yearning hunger inside of Theron. Just like on Rishi, it reminded him of the exhilarating jolt coursing through his veins when space diving on Ruuria. Volcano boarding on Mima II. Base jumping off the Bubble Cliffs on Qiaxx. It was just as or even more intoxicating than every thrill he’d ever chased, and he wondered if every inch of her was just as much of a rush as this.

He eventually had to come up for air and broke away, her tiny moan of disappointment doing wonders for his ego. He leaned his forehead against hers, relishing in both the warmth of her skin and the soft tickle of her bangs. A soft tendril of breeze wrapped around them both, and he let his eyes drift shut as he tried to lean into this moment just as he had when they’d been watching the stars above. Wanting to make it last as long as humanly possible.

“I wanted to do that since you first stepped foot on Yavin,” he admitted quietly after several long moments.

“Why didn’t you?”

“Well, we were a little busy,” he said. “And we weren’t exactly alone.”

“This isn’t exactly a private space,” she pointed out.

“I know,” he breathed. “I just… wanted to do that one more time.”

“Only once?”

He opened his eyes to see hers meeting his. They sparkled with a mischievous glint that he was pretty sure would have earned her quite the lecture back in her Padawan days.

“More than once.” And more than just that, but the five million warnings from all of her nosy crewmates were echoing in his ears, and despite his better judgement, he heeded them. No one could ever accuse him of not listening after this, because damn if he didn’t want to pursue whatever this thing was to the very end. “Way more.”

“How many?” Her eyes crinkled as a bright smile lit up her face.

More than the number of stars in the sky, was the truth, but aloud he said, “I don’t know if you can count that high.”

“I’ll have you know, I’ve learned a lot of numbers.” She caught his laugh in another kiss, and when she broke away, her eyes were still glittering. “See, that’s two.”

“And here I just thought you were just a pretty face that knew a thing or two about swinging around a lightsaber.”

“Nope. I’m very talented.”

“At just about everything that I can see.” And because he could, Theron brushed his lips against hers once more.

“And that’s three,” she murmured, “although I’m tempted to not count it.”

“I have to switch things up every now and then, otherwise you’ll get bored.”

“If there’s one thing I haven’t been since I met you, it’s bored.”

“I must be doing something right then.”

“You are.”

She grabbed the collar of his jacket and yanked him to her, pulling him in for another kiss. She sucked in his bottom lip and ran her tongue over the indentation of his recently healed skin. It had been swollen, split, and sore their first kiss, and her enthusiasm then had been dampened by his injured state. Now she was like an explorer slowly mapping out a new star system, almost as if she was trying to commit everything to memory.

That prompted a too deep thought about the next day’s impending departure, so he surged forward and deepened the kiss—turning it into something so Theron surged forward, deepening the kiss into something so breathless and wild he didn’t have time to think about anything else.

“Has anyone ever told you,” her words were quiet as she broke away, hardly a whisper on the air, “that you can be very distracting?”

“A time or two,” he said quietly. “What am I distracting you from?”

“Everything.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

She shook her head ever so slightly, possibly without even realizing it. “I know what I’m supposed to say…”

“I’ve never been big on rules.” He brushed away the bangs that fell into her face, obscuring the stormy emotion beginning to brew in her eyes. “I find them too constricting.”

“I used to find the rules comforting. Everything in its place, and if you just followed them well enough, everything would turn out okay.”

“Used to?”

Her eyes dropped down to the ground then, expression falling as she shook her head. “I don’t believe that anymore.”

A hard lump settled in Theron’s throat as he looked at the dim expression, making it hard to swallow. All the sparkle and mischief had faded from her eyes, leaving a cold empty expanse as she stared unseeing down at the ground.  Something in his chest tightened and he found himself picking up her hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze, unsure of what else to do. She blinked, as if summoned back to the here and now from wherever she had gone.

“I’m sorry.” She shook her head lightly, as if trying to chase something away. “I think I broke the mood.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” he said gently, giving her hand another squeeze. “You don’t need to apologize.”

“We were having a good time, I… I let my mind wander.”

“No, I wasn’t thinking about what I was saying.”

“How are you supposed to know?” She laughed, but it was the choked desperate laughter of someone trying to hold on to their control.

“I feel like I should, or at least, not keep doing this to you.”

“It’s not just you. This just keeps happening. With everyone,” she whispered. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I should be better than this.”

“Do you want me to go?”

She shook her head quickly, giving the hand holding hers a tight, almost bone-breaking squeeze.

“I thought I was done with this. After Rishi… Master Orgus said he healed these scars left by… that should have fixed it. Shouldn’t it?” 

From the quiet desperation in Grey’s voice, he had a feeling the question was more rhetorical than something he could really answer. Not that the jumble of words made a lot of sense to him. Wasn’t… Orgus Din her final master before her knighting? Hadn’t he been killed near the beginning of her career as a Jedi? To Theron’s knowledge she had never even visited Rishi before being lured there by him and Lana. And he hadn’t a clue what scars her former Master was supposed to have healed.

“I thought,” he said carefully, “that he had passed away a long time ago.”

“He… visited me while we were on Rishi.”

 Theron almost asked about how exactly a dead man could just drop in for a chat and quick spiritual healing session, but if their encounters with Revan had taught him anything, it was that the Force was… weird. And complicated. And probably something he really didn’t want to think on too deeply because things like this just hurt his brain. Apparently even the boundaries of life and death were just mere technicalities to the Jedi like the one sitting next to him. Except Grey didn’t exactly look like the strong confident Jedi at the moment, more like a lost child looking for her parents. He could tolerate a few minutes of bizarre Force talk, if it helped ease that somehow.

“I’m sorry, I know this is strange.”

“No stranger than a half-zombie, half-ghost ancestor.”

The breath she exhaled was almost a wry laugh, but not quite. “That was a new one for me too.”

“At least we’re forging new territory together, eh?” He gave her hand a brief squeeze.

The corner of her mouth twitched up, nearly into a sad smile. “I suppose so.”

“So, was that the personal business you went to take care of before you headed to Torch’s Island?”

She nodded, giving him a sad smile. “He came to visit me one last time. I think he knew we weren’t going to succeed here on Yavin, and he wanted to try and help me one last time.”

“Masters are like that,” he agreed, his own thoughts briefly centering on Ngani Zho. “They just want what’s best for their Padawans.”

“He still called me that,” her eyes glittered with tears, “even as a ghost I was still his Padawan.”

“So is this whole Force ghost thing… common?” he asked uncertainly. 

She shook her head. “When a Jedi passes, they’re supposed to become one with the Force. Usually they don’t stick around for long conversations.”

“I guess Master Orgus felt the need to make an exception,” Theron said carefully.

“You could say that,” she smiled shakily. “He always did have to do things his own way. Even death.”

He nodded mutely, unsure of what he could say exactly. The only thing that came to mind were questions that he had promised not to ask, and even if it was a stupid promise, he still wanted to keep it. It was so easy to break things, but he wanted to try and keep his word to her intact. The reason why that was important was still vague and distant, but his gut said it was, and Theron always listened to his gut.

“You surprise me,” she said quietly, “you ask questions, but never the big one.”

“I promised you I wasn’t going to pry,” he reminded her. “I don’t want to be someone who breaks promises to you.”

“I don’t know what I’ve done to earn that.” He felt her other hand fold over his, enveloping it in a cocoon of gloved warmth. It was at that moment, he realized that he had never actually touched her with his bare fingers, that there had always been some sort of barrier between them. “It’s more than I deserve, but I’m grateful for it nonetheless.”

He didn’t have the proper elocution to properly unpack that statement and address it fully, but he felt the need to try, as inadequate as his own words were. “On Rishi. You came for me.”

Her lost expression softened as she met his eyes, but he was crap at decoding his own emotions, much less those of others. “Of course I did.”

“You didn’t have to.” His chest felt like someone was cleaving it in two, but he didn’t break his gaze, determined to try and at least attempt to finish his poor explanation. “I’m not used to that.”

“I will never leave you behind.”

The statement was uttered quietly, but so fiercely determined there was no doubt that she meant it. He swallowed, that lump still firmly lodged in his throat. The whole faith in others thing wasn’t usually in his repertoire, as it was a lot easier to glide on the default mode of skepticism. Everyone eventually moved on their own way, and logic said that nothing would be different this time. The determined look in her eye said exactly where logic could go, and Theron decided to side with the clear winner in this fight.

“I think I believe you,” he finally said, “which is kind of a first for me.”

“It won’t be the last,” she promised, wrapping her fingers around his tightly. “So get used to it.”

“Yes ma’am,” he said quietly, prompting a tiny sad smile.

“I wish I could be a brighter, stronger person for you. For everyone really, but you… make me want to be more.”

“I’m good with the person sitting with me right now,” he said. “You don’t need to be anything more than that.”

“You don’t need a fearless monster slayer? Someone who can look into the void and laugh?”

He shook his head. “That person doesn’t sound very fun.”

“She could be, if I tried.” Grey glanced down. “Maybe if I tried harder, I’d get there. And then hearing his voice again last night after all these years… it would have been fine.”

Theron pursed his lips together, feeling that hole in his chest starting to open up again. Here was the person in the rain last night, trying desperately to hide under armored plating and lightsabers. Not wanting to scare her off back under the thin Jedi veneer, he just ran his thumb along one of the elaborate pieces of metalwork on her glove, wishing that he could feel every groove in it directly instead of through the leather of his own gloves.

“You can ask,” she said brokenly, “if you want.”

Of course he wanted to — but this wasn’t about him. Not really. He just wanted to do the right thing here. Whatever that was. 

When he finally looked up, he saw the unshed tears in her eyes, and felt that small, infinitesimal hole in his chest begin to widen into a gaping wound. “Do you want me to ask?”

“I don’t know,” she said quietly. “I just don’t want to feel this way any more.”

“How do you feel?” he asked instead.

“Lost.” She bit her lip, looking away. “Like I’m back there again, even though I’m here. Like if I sleep too deeply, I won’t wake up as me.”

The nausea Theron had felt earlier after overhearing Scourge and Kira bubbled back up, filling the gaping hole with bile and a white, hot bubbling rage.

“I can’t wake up like that again,” she said so quietly he almost couldn’t hear. “Watching myself from afar, my body not my own. Screaming so loud but still unable to stop my hand. Have you ever been trapped in your own mind?”

“No,” he said hoarsely, trying to push the urge to vomit far back down. “I can’t even imagine… it sounds terrible.”

“I was so naive. I believed that anyone could be redeemed. Even him.”

There was such venom spat out in that single word, it only could have been reserved for something as unnatural as the ancient being that had been awakened the night before.

“I thought that there was always some small speck of light that could be brought out from even the darkest corner. I just had to trust in the Force, and it would guide me as it always does. It guided me… into darkness.” She swallowed, throat bobbing with the motion as she stared out at the shadowed landscape beyond. Almost as if she was expecting Vitiate to materialize from the darkness. “Just following the rules doesn’t work when someone ignores that they ever existed. It can’t protect anyone from that kind of evil.”

Theron thought of the fallen Jedi that she had chased after the six month gap in her file, and the dark ops leading up to that gap. Had they… stormed the Emperor’s Fortress, determined to capture him and bring him back to the light? How the hell did the Council think that would ever work? Capturing a supposedly immortal dark being and just force him to accept everything good and pure? That hot bubbling rage threatened to take him over.

“How old were you?”

“Twenty-two.”

He barely suppressed a curse. Sending a Knight, just barely two years into her career, to face down the almost literal embodiment of the Dark Side was just too much. Even with an entire team of dark ops Jedi. Even if they had sent her with the entire damn Republic army at her back it was too much. It would have been too much to ask even a wise and experienced Jedi Master like Ngani Zho and Orgus Din had been.

“They should never have asked you to do that.”

She blinked at him, surprised. “I volunteered.”

Of course she did. The moment he had brought his suspicions up with her regarding Darok, she had jumped on the chance to help him out. It was like she was incapable of just standing by if something bad was happening and had to try and fix it herself. That wasn’t the trait of a dedicated Jedi — it was the trait of someone with way too much to prove. He would know.

“I was never supposed to have innocent blood on my hands,” she whispered, “my lightsabers were never meant to be used for murder. No matter how much I wanted to stop, my hands wouldn’t listen to me. All I could hear was his laughter, his voice, telling me to give in. That he would make it all go away if I just gave over that last piece to him. Do you know what I did?”

Theron shook his head mutely.

“I hid. In the deepest corner of my mind, I hid. From him. From what he was making me do. I hid from everything. I was a coward.”

Theron wanted to pull her to him, tell her that she wasn’t, but he felt rooted to the spot. Somehow in defeating the demon from his past, they’d awakened hers. Pulling her back into what sounded like a living, waking nightmare. All he could do was squeeze his fingers around hers.

“In the end, I couldn’t even save myself.” Her voice was quiet, defeated. “Master Orgus’s spirit came from the Force and he found me, he was the one who broke the Emperor’s control over me. Everyone acts like I did something heroic and should be celebrated for breaking his control, when it was never even me to begin with.”

Here was the real truth, the real person he’d been seeking out that hid under that mask of the prefect Jedi. In her own way, the brave hero that everyone kept pinning their hopes on was just as broken as him. Struggling to live up to impossible standards and expectations. And just as lost and flawed and alone.

It took Theron a little while to find his voice, and when he spoke, it was rougher than he would have liked. “You still faced him down later, after all that?”

“Someone had to,” she said quietly, “and they all believed that I could. He was going to consume everything, all life. He was going to consume the Force. It was crying out. And even if it had abandoned me, I… couldn’t abandon it. Or everyone else. I couldn’t wait for the end to come without doing something. And no one else thought they could do it.”

“You didn’t either,” he pointed out softly.

She shook her head, like the fact that charging in to the demon’s lair was nothing noteworthy. Not too mention that she had done so after the kind of violation she’d been subjected to, and risked it happening again without any assurance. That would have been nearly impossible for anyone, and Theron had his doubts he would have been able to do it, even with literally the lives of every living thing in the galaxy on the line.

“When I was a child,” she said quietly, “I would pick up sticks in the forest and pretend they were my lightsabers. I only ever dreamed of being a Jedi, ever since my mother told me about her days as a Knight. I just wanted to be like her.”

That hadn’t been in her file. Actually, there hadn’t been much in it other than basic liner notes prior to her arrival on Tython. But she’d had a family once it seemed—and apparently a mother that she loved very much. There was a distant twang of jealousy, but it was swiftly carried away as he saw the wet tracks streaking down her face.

“I think she would be proud,” he said.

“She’s never visited me,” the confession came out broken, “not like Master Orgus. I wonder if… she wished I could have been stronger. More like her. She never had to throw away a bloodstained lightsaber. After Vitiate made me…” Her voice cracked and she had to swallow back the emotion that nearly dragged her under. “After I escaped, all I could see on mine was the blood, no matter how much I cleaned them.”

He knew absolutely nothing about Force ghosts or the woman in question, but from the reverent way Grey spoke of her, she had left quite an impression on her daughter. He wondered if that heavy, duty-filled legacy was one that had ever been truly intended to be passed on. He was far from an expert when it came to maternal figures and their intentions, but something in his gut told him that was probably not the case. 

“Master Satele, I think she knew,” Grey continued, filling in the silence, “when she gave me the new hilts. She told me that a Jedi needed to have faith in the weapons she wielded, faith in the Force. She helped me construct the new blades before I left Tython.”

Theron let his gaze drop, eyes tracing the path he was making as he marked each divot and design in the gauntlets on her gloves. For everything he still held against his mother, apparently he still had a few things to learn about her. Satele had reached out to a scared, vulnerable Knight, and helped her find confidence again instead of delivering any sort of platitude or lecture. He thought back to their argument earlier that day, trying to fit this new piece of the puzzle into his previous assumptions. It didn’t quite match up, like the sharp edges of his preconceptions needed to be shaved down.

“I made a vow that I would never let these be turned to serve darkness. I couldn’t let something of Master Satele’s become tainted like I had let mine.” Grey’s free hand traced some of the patterns in the hilts clipped to her belt. “I let her keep my old ones. She promised she’d make sure they were never used like that again.”

“I didn’t know about that, earlier,” he said, struggling to swallow past that ever present lump. “I would never have even mentioned it…”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” She finally looked up from her lightsabers, pulling his gaze up from the patterns he was tracing as well. “You’ve done me no harm.”

Seeing her trying to console him, with the wet tracks still glistening on her cheeks was too much for him to take. Heedless of whoever might be able to see, he reached out and grabbed her, crushing her against his chest as if that could somehow fix anything. Her arms stilled for a moment as if this was something that hadn’t ever occurred before and she had no idea what to do, before suddenly curling around him, fingers digging deep trenches into the leather of his jacket like drowning victim clutching to a lifeline.

“Master Orgus said he couldn’t come back anymore.” Her face was buried in his jacket, voice muffled by the leather. “He was the only thing that brought me back last time. I… I can’t be trapped like that again. I can’t.”

“It’s okay,” Theron murmured, tightening his arms around her small shivering frame. “He’s left. He’s not here.”

“No one’s saying anything, but they’re all terrified. Even Scourge. I didn’t finish the job last time, and now he’s back.” The shivering intensified to an actual tremble, and it felt like someone was shoving a vibroblade right through Theron’s chest. “I have to kill him, but he’s already dead. But he’s not alive either.”

 The enormity of the task that had been assigned to her, by fate, or the Force, or whatever seemed to loom just off into the shadows of the night. The blame for Vitiate’s return at this moment in time, if not the assault and chaos on the Republic all the way three hundred years ago, lay squarely at Revan’s feet. It was the baggage of Theron’s own family, not hers. In a way, the responsibility for all of this should have laid at his feet. Perhaps if fate had twisted differently—if their places had been switched and he’d been born with all the powers of the Force that she wielded—it would have. Would he have been able to break away like her, or would he have wound up as twisted and broken as the rest of the members of her strike team?

Because Revan, for all his power and gifts in the Force, had cracked under the constant torture he’d been subjected to over the course of three hundred years. His psyche torn in two; one half twisted into something dark, monstrous, and almost unrecognizable from the Jedi he’d once been. Someone willing to commit mass genocide. Willing to upend everything if it meant he could get revenge against the one who had taken everything from him. Even Revan’s attempts to connect with what remained of his family had been tainted into something sick and twisted.

Theron couldn’t help but wonder if those same weaknesses ran through his blood in the way that the Force never had. It probably would never not sting, not grate on him a little when the Force peeked its head around to meddle in his life after the way it had abandoned him when he was young — but as he looked at the connections he shared with Grey, it was hard to completely deny that maybe it had somehow set something in motion.

Maybe they were both just meant to finish what Revan had started nearly three hundred years ago. Or maybe it was even more than that.

He had no idea how he was supposed to deal with any of this, Force-blind Jedi washout that he was. The task that lay before her was beyond his capabilities, but if they failed at stopping Vitiate, nothing would ultimately matter anyway. Even if Theron hadn’t been assigned as the task force’s liaison for the SIS, he would have busted down Marcus Trant’s door and camped out in his office until he’d gotten it. Whatever had happened prior to now was out of his hands, he couldn’t change any of their yesterdays, no matter how much he wanted to at the moment. But tomorrow wasn’t set yet, and he could still do something about that.

She had answered every one of his calls, even when he made her go through ridiculous lengths to find out it was him. The woman had stormed an entire fortress just for him. She was more than just his partner on this one job, she was his friend. Possibly the best one he had ever had. Maybe if he was really careful, did enough research, and did his job well enough, she’d never have to hear the voice of her tormentor ever again.

“What if I fall?” she asked brokenly, clinging to him tightly as they teetered on the edge of the platform with nothing but the inky night below.

“You won’t.” He tightened his grip around her quaking shoulders, as if he could shield her from the night. “You’re not going to fall.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because I’m going to catch you.” He pressed a kiss onto the top of her head, before glaring off into the night as if in challenge to the darkness just beyond them.

[kuwurapikaaa]

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Note: This is my first post in this blog aaaa I'm so happy and giggly today !!! Also editing on tumblr mobile is a fucking nightmare aaaaa - Admin Meiqi

Aftercare

Kite is a precious bean.

He's very stoic and finds it quite difficult to show that he genuinely cares for his partner.

If he’s taking the girl’s virginity, he will try (keyword “try”) to be more caring.

It’s not that he doesn’t give a single fuck, he genuinely does, but he just finds it so hard to be soft and caring.

Maybe he loosens up when he gets more close with his partner.

Body part

Kite's favorite part on his partner would be boobs

I mean most men like boobs, but since Kite is skinny, he would like a more full-figured partner.

On himself, he would love his legs. 

They're very long and skinny. It makes him look so big.

Cum

Kite's cum is a bit thin (although not as thin as Kurapika's)

Unlike Kurapika, his cum has a bit more sperm in it. 

More chances to knock you out lol

He prefers cumming in a condom, but if it’s not an option, I think he’d love to cum on your mouth or boobs.

Dirty secret

He refuses to make anyone know that he watches hentai

Or that he’s addicted to them

He just feels so ashamed that he watches porn

But he’s too shy to express that vocally to his sex partner.

Experience

He's not that experienced.

But enough experience to suffice.

Kite has enough experience to be aware of what his partner wanted

He probably had around two sexual partners

Fave position

For the most part, Kite is just a basic man

He likes doggy style and missionary the most

Although the butterfly position is also good as well.

He would love to stimulate his partner while hitting them.

So positions like those can give him enough space to also rub his partner’s clit too.

Goof

I think he is very serious about sex, for the most part

Shy boy Kite

When something funny happens, he might shyly chuckle and still continue

He doesn’t want it to happen, but if it did happen, it’s not a turn off for him.

Hair

I can proudly say this, Kite is a shaved man.

Well, on most days. I can’t say the same if he’s gone for an expedition.

If he can’t shave his pubes or his body hair in general, he will keep it well maintained though

His hair would be short and it would obviously be white. 

Even if he doesn’t keep it, it would still not be seen that much because it’s a light color.

Intimacy

Kite, like said in goof, I think he is very intimate during these times.

He would often keep a loving gaze on his partner

He might still have a hard time instilling affection to his partner, but he would adore it to kiss them.

He’d kiss his partner on the forehead most of the time, he might also do short pecks in the lips

He’s not really a fan of french kisses, but he will participate willingly if his partner initiated it.

Jack off

Like Kurapika, I don't see Kite having a lot of opportunities to get it on.

He can go on without sex, but he will have to jack off one point.

Since he is always in the forest, he would be quiet.

He’d just find a tree and remove his pants (sometimes his shirt, if he is really horny) and jerk off there (on a typical set up)

If he’s not at the forest, he would secretly watch porn (preferably hentai of some sort)

But after that he’d feel so ashamed of himself when he jerks himself off.

For the most part, I think he can go without it for two weeks.

Since he prefers that his partner would be the one satisfying him.

Kinks

I think Kite would like a size difference.

With him being so tall, gosh that is so cute

He’d also like bondage. (don’t @ kurapika)

He is also a polite dominant (i stole it from someone)

(Is it considered a kink ???) He would also like tit fucking

He’d be happy to just move his cock back and forth in your tits. (i’m not tryna shadow shit here, but i am)

Location

Like said in dirty secret

Like Ging, Kite likes to have sex in the forest

Like maybe inside a tent (he's too shy to have sex outside)

Just to keep close with nature

Another favorite place would be the lake.

I don't see him as someone who would settle with a bed.

Motivation

Due to his lack of experience a lot of things can he turn on from

I think, just like Ging, lingerie can really turn him on

Think of the simple silk nightgowns. 

He’s not Ging who gets turned on by trashy ass lingerie (i’m sorry ging ;-;)

That is something he really likes, because it doesn’t show that much skin, but he will go crazy because of it.

No

To his lack of experience, he doesn't have a lot of things to say no to.

Although I think cuckolding is already a no-no

Participating in a threesome is okay, but him just watching you getting fucked by someone else is a no-no to him

Come on, Kite needs to be pleasured too lol

Oral

Kite is fairly good at it.

He would love it when his partner sits on his face and he’d eat her out

Although he would love to recieve, he is mostly a giver.

Pace

Depends on his mood and his partners' moods.

If he's stressed and frustrated, he'd probably go at a much more rough pace.

If he’s happy or feeling a bit more sentimental, he’d gladly go at a slower pace, just to keep the intimacy.

His partner can order him up to get it faster or slower, he’d oblige.

He can be fast and sensual at the same time.

Quicky

He does it, since he is indeed a busy man.

In an opportunity that he and his partner are alone for a few minutes, when others come back, they know that Kite and his partner prolly did it.

He’d probably do it when he’s already attached to his partner.

Although he's more satisfied if he was fucked the right way.

Longer sex makes him form longer and satisfying connections yieee

Risk

He's in the middle

Not too out there, not too conservative as well.

He wouldn’t risk his partner getting knocked out by him outside of marriage (cough cough Ging)

Stamina

Since he's a well trained nen user, I think he could last a couple of rounds doing it. (Not as much as Ging, though)

But also with how much he is starved from it, he would really last long.

Around 2-4 rounds at best.

As said in cum, his orgasm is a bit calm and not really violent.

Toys

Unlike the adult trio, he doesn't own a lot of those.

Because he did (obviously from porn he watches… where else?)

Of course, he’d be happy to use them on his partner

His innocence and curiosity are at an all time high when it comes to things like this

Not necessarily he hasn’t seen things like that

Unfair

Kite is not really a tease, necessarily.

He'd love to stimulate his partner and get them to their release as fast as possible.

He’d groan if you tease him

Since he is really stoic, I think he’d try to compensate for that with his actions.

I.e. giving his partner the release they deserve (he’s not Ging goddammit)

Volume

Just like him in general, when it comes to sex, Kite is pretty quiet. 

He isn’t that loud when it comes to those things.

He would growl, whisper, and pant, but not moan.

Wildcard

Kite loves to have a more experienced girl

Or boy yieeee

Someone to guide him in the intriguing world of sex. (Not that a virgin would turn him off, but it would be more awkward)

Since he feels so ashamed with his hentai collection, he would hire a prostitute instead of him whipping out his hentai collection.

Xray

Skinny boy, big diCK - My sister 2020

Kite is well endowed. He definitely has a big cock.

He'd be a grower. Seven inches fully erect.

His cock would be longer and would be veiny. His tip is a bit purple-ish.

Yearning

From aftercare and dirty secrets, I think he’d find it hard to express to his partner that he wants to get it on.

His partner would probably be the one asking/expressing that they want to have sex.

He’d happily oblige for his partner though.

If he’s tired, then that is the only time he might say no.

Unlike Kurapika, Kite can go long periods without having sex of some sort

But, if he does come home to his s/o, that is the first thing he’d think about.

Zzz

Kite is someone that would wait for his partner to sleep soundly before he can sleep himself.

He would want to observe them, look in their eyes and see the stars.

When you talk, he’d just love to listen to you.

He might even add in and of course join in the conversation.

Just like Ging, he’d believe in the old adage “the eyes are the windows to our souls”, so like in the intimacy page, he’d believe in it too.

[spidxysense]

Back to You | 12

Summary: He broke your heart, but you’d always love him. Two souls that not even the universe could tear apart, even if you wanted it to at times.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader x Timothee Chalamet

A/N: THIS TOOK SO LOOOOOOOOOOOONG TO UPDLOAD!!!!!!!!!!! Ugh, I spent the past 2 days trying to upload this from my mobile data whih is honestly so slow when I’m on tumblr, luckily our internet got fixed today. Hope all of you are well during this time and stay indoors guys! Now that I’m just at home, I’ll be sure to write more. I just finished Never Have I Ever, and I loved the series soooooooooo much!!!! Do you guys have any suggestions of shows like that?? I know it’s a bit short but I plan on making the chapters shorter so it’s easier for me to finish a chapter, lol. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING SO PATIENT! and I just want to let you guys know that this isn’t the end of Back to You yet! It’s just the end of the Italy arc of it all. I love you guys! As always, let me now what you think ! <3<3<3

Word count: 1,915

Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12

----------------------------

You wake up back in your room, on your bed but still in last night's clothes. You don't see your phone anywhere near you so it must be out in the living room somewhere. You get up, stretching then changed in more comfortable pajamas as you head out to the kitchen to grab some breakfast.

"Armie." You grin with a sleepy daze on your face as you greet the older actor, but unlike any other time, he doesn't grin back or even call your name in greeting. Instead, he swallows whatever was in his mouth, pushing the chair in front of him forward with his foot.

"We need to talk."

You'd never heard Armie sound like this so you immediately follow his orders.

He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, a classic stressed Armie movie. He must have been bothered by something, perhaps something that you did?

"Listen Y/N, I really thought we reached an understanding back at the hike…" he sighs again, "But I'm almost done with filming and will be heading back to LA for a new movie after this so I won't even have time to contact either of you two and I can only hope for the best, but I have to tell you Y/N, as much as I like you. You're being very selfish." 

You feel your mouth go slightly agape as Armie's words sink in, "Do you notnunderstand how much you've been hurting Timothee? Choosing your ex over him? Leaving him alone with an old friend of the two of you who Timothee doesn't even know? He got here at 7 PM, Y/N. He sat around doing nothing and waited for you while you were off with your ex."

"Armie, you don't understand, it's not that simple-"

"Bullshit, it's not that simple." He hits the table in frustration, "I told him yesterday to get some rest, to forget about you because there are other girls out there, but he still waited for you. How could you do that to him?"

His eyebrows were furrowed, "How could you hurt this boy who has done nothing but show you that he understands you and is willing to wait for you? How could you just let this guy who's so willing to be hurt if it's for your sake, be hurt by you?"

You feel the tears fall from your eyes as you blink, "Armie, I'm sorry, I'm such a jerk. Thimothee should hate me-"

"Yeah, yeah you are a jerk." His voice falters, "and don't tell me you're sorry. Tell that to Timothee, you owe it to him at the least. Tell him how you feel and what you've decided." He looks at you for a second as you contemplate asking him where Timothee is, "He left earlier to pick up your ex and his friend to take them to the train station. They got an earlier ticket."

You rush to your room, get dressed and bolt out the house, grabbing your phone from the coffee table, as you run out the street to hail a cab.

You sit in the cab agitated as you unlock your phone, bombarded with texts and calls from a mixture of Timothee, Haz, and Tom.

You told Tom last night you'd give him an answer, so this is what you were finally going to do. You grab a fistfull of money from your pocket and shove your hand through the middle of the cab, not caring if you paid too much and you bolt out of your seat and onto the train station.

You spot the pale blonde boy among a sea of people by the baggage dropoff and you grab hold of his shoulders, "Where's Tom!?"

Haz blinks at you in surprise, "Y/N! Thank god. He was gonna wait for you and our departure is in 30 minutes, you need to talk to him. He's by the ticket booth."

You push past people, tears in your eyes growing heavy as you see him. Eyes red and swollen probably from crying too.

"Y/N!" He calls out for you looking relieved, reaching his hand out for you to take.

You clasp on it tightly, "Tom." You wipe the tears in your eyes with the sleeve of your free arm, "I'm here to tell you."

He bites his bottom lip, noticing your lack of bags, "Y/N. Let's fix it, let's fix us." He grabs both your hands and he rests his forehead on yours, "Let's leave all this bullshit behind, let's finally start our family and live like normal people. We can travel the world."

You shut your eyes, relishing in Tom's atmosphere, "Tom, you love your job." You sigh, "And just because having a normal, quiet life is something I've always wanted, doesn't mean that's what you need to want too." You sigh, "Why did you come here?"

The tears spring to his eyes, "Because I don't want to be without you, Y/N. And this was my last chance. I was so willing to leave everything behind because having everything without you would just be nothing." He clutches your hands tight, "Because after this, I don't know if I can ever even talk to you again. Because I decided to choose you over this life that I worked so hard for, because my management team in Marvel is making me do something that means I can't talk to you anymore and you're going to end up hating me for it and I can't live with that and I can't live without you. Because, I-I want to choose you, and I'd choose you over and over and over again. Because I want to be with you…" he trails off, "But that isn't what you want, is it?" His smile is sad but understanding, a true love.

You shake your head gently, "Tom, we were perfect even in the ways we weren't but I have to see where things end up with Timothee. He was there for me. I need to live a life without you in it to live for myself." You hold his cheek in your hand, "And I love you. I always will, but now isn't the time for us. I want you to choose your dreams over me. Right now, we have to live our own lives without each other. I can't have you throwing your dreams away because of me. And I've needed you and leaned on you for so long that it took me this long to realize I have to live without you to learn to be who I am. Timothy's like me. He needs me… and I needed you. But I need to live a life where I don't any more." 

He sighs, accepting your decision, slowly bringing his face to yours as your tears mixed with his in a tender kiss. He breaks apart first, leaning his forehead against yours again, "Bye Y/N. I really hope we find our way back to each other one day." 

You embrace him tight as the sob reverbitates through your body, "Bye Tom. I love you. I always will." You kiss him on the cheek, letting him go as he boards the train, leaving you on the platform looking vulnerable with your long sleeves covering your hands as you clutched them together, you kiss you fingers lifting that same hand to say goodbye, and the train moves on, farther and farther until you couldn't see it anymore and there weren't anymore people on the platform.

You walk out the station, already recognizing the mop of brown curly hair and you sit next to him quietly.

"I saw you, running out the cab, even when you took out all your money and gave it to the guy and I thought, how the hell does this goober think she's getting home?" He chuckles.

You look at him quietly, "With you." You answer surely.

Timothee's laugh is cut short.

You turn to face him, "Because you're always there for me, and you always will be."

He tries to look at something else aside from your face but you grab his face in both of your hands and make him look at you.

"How could I not?"

You speak quietly, "You should hate me."

He sighs, "But I don't." He rolls his eyes playfully, "And I never could." 

You sigh, "But you should. Because I've treated you like crap since Tom got here and I've been so unfair to you. You should scream at the air and then at me because I've done nothing but hurt you, and you should tell me that you want nothing to do with me and tell me you hope that you don't meet anyone like me ever again. You should call me a bad person, because I am and a user because I've always taken advantage of you being nice to me. You should tell Luca how terrible of a person I am and maybe, just maybe he'll write me out of the movie so that you at least don't have to see me for the rest of filming. You should hate me for everything I've done to you." You sob.

His hand reaches out to grab your own, pulling you down so you were sitting next to him, "I don't want to scream at you. I normally wouldn't but given that look you're giving me while you're crying your eyes out, I especially don't want to. Who cares if I've gotten hurt? We're actors, we have to feel things for the sake of our art." He wipes the tears from your cheeks, smiling sadly, "And if I let you go now, then I really don't meet anyone like you ever again and I don't want that. You aren't a bad person, Y/N."

"But I am!" You cry, "You don't deserve what I've been doing to you-"

"I don't care." He shrugs, "Simple as that, I don't care if you hurt me, make me into your punching bag for all I care, all I care about is the calm look in your eyes when we're together, how your laugh sounds like bells, the way your nose crinkles when you laugh at my corny jokes, or even the way you run your hands through your hair when you're stressed. I don't feel alone when I'm with you, Y/N and you always take care of me and you didn't even shy away when I was having that panic attack a few days ago. So how could you ever expect me to hate you when all I want to do is love you and all you've ever done for me is make me feel less alone and loved? How could anyone ever expect me to hate you when I see you like how I see you?" 

You two sit there for a while, just staring at each other, "Did you talk to him?"

You nod, "I did. And I told him what I wanted to do with the situation we were in."

His face drops slightly, "Oh."

You nod, "I told him I wanted to be with you."

His face brightens in surprise, "Oh."

You nod along, "Yeah."

"Then, can I-?"

You scoff, "I'd be insulted if you didn't" you laugh as he pulls you in for a kiss.

He breaks apart first, firehead resting against yours, "What happens after Italy?"

You sigh, eyes still closed, "We'll get there when we get there."

[is0gild]

Ice Cream and Fire Oven Pizza - Bonus Chapter 2

Pairing: Elsa x Lea/Axel || Side Pairing: Riku x OC

Summary: Modern AU. She's an introvert ball of nerves who works at Ice Palace, a mall food court ice cream shop. He's the outgoing, sassy goofball who works at the Pizza Planet across the way. Hilarity, snark, and fluffy romcom hijinks ensue.

Word Count: 11,634

FIRST CHAPTER || PREVIOUS CHAPTER || NEXT CHAPTER

Credit for super friggin’ cute and super friggin’ amazing cover art goes to the super friggin’ talented ky-jane here on tumblr!

“Pssst. Raindrop. Check it out."

I paid little mind to the new conversation apparently taking form in the kitchen behind me.

"Hm…? What is it? What am I looking at here?" A pause, then a tiny gasp. "...is… is that what I think it is?"

I just kept scrolling through my phone from my seat on the couch, only listening with half an ear.

"Mm-hm! Her first one! Ain't it a beaut?"

Riku was currently out for what was looking to be a particularly long day at work for him and seeing as how we both had the day off ourselves, Lea and I had decided to hang out at my apartment and keep Rayne company. We'd settled on watching a movie, but my roommate had paused it to go get herself a drink. A few seconds later, Lea had gotten up as well, claiming to be a bit parched himself.

"Oh my god, it's so cute and little!"

We'd even brought Marshmallow with us for a visit with his auntie, especially considering Saïx would have flayed us alive if we'd stuck him with dog-sitting duty yet again. My fingers absently scritched behind one of his ears as the little pup contentedly rested his head in my lap. Though my use of "little" was strictly in the loosest sense of the term. Having had him for close to two months at this point, he'd grown quite a bit. He still looked like a puppy, mind you… there was just a lot more puppy to love now.

"I know, right? So precious, so smol. Just a wee baby hickey!"

My head jerked up at the last word, eyes wide. Then I hastily twisted around in my seat. The scene that greeted me in the kitchen was that of Lea with one finger hooked into his tee-shirt collar and tugging it down to show Rayne a tiny patch of discoloration on his skin just below and slightly to the right of his collarbone.

"Lea!" I snapped, face reddening while my hand gripped the backrest of the sofa so hard, my knuckles turned white.

They both looked at me and froze, Lea muttering, "Uh-oh."

Dropping my phone onto the cushions, I was on my feet in a heartbeat and charging towards them, "That was supposed to be private!"

"Now now, El," he soothed as he quickly moved to put the kitchen table between me and him, "how was I s'posed to know that? You never said anything about-"

"It was implied, you… you… ugh, come here!" I snarled, running around the table with Marshmallow hot on my heels, barking excitedly. Rayne just sniggered as she sidestepped out of our way.

Lea was easily able to keep ahead of me, maintaining the table as a barrier between us. "Aw, c'mon, babydoll! This was a big step for you! I was just proud of you and wanted others to share in my joy!"

"No!" I slapped one palm down on the dining surface while angrily pointing a finger at him across it. "No others! You can't tell anyone else, you hear me?!"

"Alright, alright, I won't tell any other people, I swear!" he raised both hands in a placating gesture. Then he pursed his lips to one side as his gaze averted. "Well… any more other people…"

I blanched. "...who? Who else did you already tell? Roxas? Xion?"

He scoffed, splaying his hand against his chest in offence. "Please, just what kinda man do you take me for? I'm a gentleman, I don't do any of that locker-room talk bullshit." He crossed his arms over his chest, harrumphing as if the very notion was an insult to everything he stood for. Then he gave a small shrug, "...I just told Anna."

I choked and spluttered, unable to find words for a few seconds. "My… You told my sister?!" I took off after him once more, but curse him and his freakishly long legs, the jerk was able to move fast enough to keep the table between us. Marshmallow kept prancing about down around our feet, just out of his mind and beside himself from the sudden burst of activity. Stopping once more, my hands seized the backrest of the nearest dining chair and squeezed the life out of it as I growled, "Why? Why on earth would you tell my sister?"

"Lookit it this way. See, it's like… baby taking her first steps, ya know? I just want all of baby's family and loved ones to feel included in these special lil milestones! Baby being you, of course!"

Oh, "baby" was so going to murder this boy.

"And may I just take this moment to add," oh dear lord, he did not know when to stop talking, even if his very life depended on it, "what a privilege, nay, honor it has been to have a front row seat to - not to mention be instrumental in - your sexual awakening these past several weeks and-"

I threw a coaster at him.

"Hey now, watch it, those are fragile!" Rayne chided as she scooped the other ones off the table to tuck away safely in a cupboard before taking out a different stack to hand to me. "Use these instead. They're garbage, but hard as rocks!"

"Don't give her more ammo!" Lea yelped and ducked as I rapidly chucked my freshly stocked supply of munitions at him. Once I was out, I made another dash for him. Once again, he tried to bolt. This time however, he tripped and stumbled over Marshmallow with a tiny, "Shit!" He managed to grab the edge of the table and catch himself but he'd already lost his lead, giving me a chance to close the distance. Right before I could deliver my righteous justice however, he scooped up Marshmallow and was suddenly holding the giant, squirming ball of white fluff up between us, desperately asking, "You wouldn't hit a guy holding a stupidly cute puppy, would you?"

Huffing through my nose, I narrowed my eyes on him. "Put the dog down, Lea," I said, my voice dangerously low and even.

"Seeing as how the lil furball is the only thing between me and an untimely date with my maker, I'm gonna hafta give ya a hard pass there," he chuckled weakly, inching back a step. Then he was calling over his shoulder, "Lil help, Raindrop?"

She just grinned and shook her head from where she'd taken a seat at the dining table. "Mm-mm, nope. You're on your own, Red."

"Dude. Harsh. I thought we were frien- ow!" he hissed as I took advantage of his distraction to pinch his arm. Marshmallow came in for the assist, chomping down on Lea's fingers and forcing a yelp out of him as he dropped the puppy. Giving his abused hand a shake, he scowled down at the culprit. "Et tu, Marshmallow?"

In response, he just wagged his poof of a tail and sunk his teeth into Lea's leg.

"Destroyer of Worlds, my ass. More like Destroyer of My Ankles, you lil-" Lea's grumbling died down instantly as he saw me take a menacing step towards him. Gulping, he took several steps backwards, snatching up one of the kitchen chairs to use for a makeshift shield. As I kept stalking towards him, he continued backing up until his rear hit a countertop. Sitting atop it and scooching back even further until his spine was against the wall, he stretched one foot out to press against my stomach, holding me at bay with it while he shoved the chair legs in my directions a couple times, "Back! Back I say!"

I froze, blinking at him a couple times. "...are you seriously lion-taming me right now?"

He frowned, eyes darting down to the chair he was holding, then back up to meet my gaze. "Depends. Is it turning you on, my sexy lioness?"

My eyelids drooped. "Not even a little bit."

"Then nope! No, mm-mm, definitely not what I am doing." Something suddenly started ringing back from the direction of the living room. Lea straightened up, eyes brightening, "Oo! Oo! That's your phone, isn't it? Better go answer it!"

"It can go to voicemail," I ground out through my teeth, shoving his foot off my abdomen and taking another step closer.

Still frantically using the chair to defend himself, he asked, "You sure 'bout that? Could be important!"

"It can wait."

"I'll get it!" Rayne chirped, rising and moving to the couch where I'd left my phone. Picking it up, her thumb swiped the screen and she held it up to her ear, cheerfully greeting, "Elsa's pants, she's not in them right now!"

"Rayne!" I whipped my head around to glare at her. She simply winked and blew me a kiss. Sighing, I muttered, "You're just lucky you're pregnant, otherwise you'd be next up on my kill list."

"Hey, double standards!" Lea huffed. "No fair, I can't get pregnant!"

Palm covering the lower half of the phone so it wouldn't pick up her voice, Rayne whispered, "Maybe you're just not doing it right."

"Huh… I'm game to give it a whirl." He smirked at me, "Go on, El. Put a baby in me."

My answer came in the form of grabbing two of the chair legs and giving them a hard shove, ramming the edge of the backrest into Lea's gut.

He grunted and wheezed, "Don't think that's how that's done, babe."

Before I could make a retort, Rayne was abruptly holding my phone in front of my face. "It's Larxene."

My head rocked back slightly, my anger dispersing in an instant as my eyes darted from the mobile, then to my roomie, then back again. Why was the assistant director calling me? Brow furrowed, I finally took it from her and held it up to my ear with an uncertain, "...hello?"

"Get your ass down here. Now."

"I… o-of course! But-"

Click.

She'd hung up.

Both eyebrows shot up my forehead as I slowly lowered the phone, staring at my reflection in the now blackened screen.

"What's up, El?" Lea asked, voice immediately colored in concern as he dropped the chair and slid off the counter onto his feet.

I shook my head. "...guess I better get my ass down there."

Leaving Marshmallow in Rayne's care, Lea and I were on the road within minutes and heading towards Sunset Hill Auditorium. That was my best guess anyway as to wherever it was that Larxene wanted me to get my ass down to. I tucked in my bottom lip as I watched the buildings rush past, my fingers fidgeting with my braid.

Why was I being called in?

The not knowing had me on edge.

Our grand opening of Wicked had occurred last weekend. As was to be expected, I'd been so nervous I'd practically choked on all those butterflies jam-packed inside my stomach trying to escape. But it'd been a good nervous. An excited nervous. And in the end, it'd been so much fun and the show had gone off without a hitch.

Or at least, so I'd thought…

Maybe that's why Larxene was summoning me. Maybe I'd screwed up big time in my role without even realizing it. And I was part of the chorus no less - just one of many, so it would've had to have been one major flub on my part for her to take notice and zero in on me. We were back around to Friday now, so tonight was supposed to be our next showing, followed by several more weekends to come before the musical closed out. But maybe… if I had royally flopped super hard last week...

...oh god… was she going to kick me out of the show?

I gave a start as Lea's hand suddenly closed around mine, lacing our fingers together and stopping me from getting this close to tearing my hair out. He pulled it over to rest in his lap, brushing his thumb back and forth along my knuckles as he continued to drive one handed. "You're sure she didn't say anything else? Anything at all?"

Grimacing, I shook my head. "Nothing. Just told me to come and to be quick about it." I puffed out a sigh, staring down at my lap. "...I doubt it's anything good though. She sounded mad."

He gave an unimpressed razz of his tongue. "That hag always sounds like someone's spit in her Cheerios, so that's not saying much."

That earned him a feeble smile from me, one that swiftly faded. "...what if…" I began, but then clamped my mouth shut against the words, my frown deepening. "...there's this one scene… you remember, from when you saw it last weekend? The bit with the party, where Elphaba is pranked into wearing the witch hat? There's one part of that whole dance routine where we - the chorus that is… we're supposed to twirl to and fro, and maybe… what if I to'd when I should have fro'd and that's why she's calling me in? I to'd when I should've fro'd and wrecked the whole scene and now she's cutting me and making sure I can never, ever work in theater again and-"

"Nonsense, El," he chuckled, shaking his head as he pulled up my hand to kiss the back of it. "Your to-ing and fro-ing were perfect last week. Perfecter than perfect. Those to's and fro's were so perfect that everyone in the audience was too busy being enchanted by you to even pay any attention to the leads and whatever the hell they were doing. In fact, do you wanna know who was sitting in the very seat next to me during that showing?"

My eyelids drooped at how thick this dork was laying it on. "No, but I get the feeling you're about to tell me," I deadpanned.

He grinned big as he turned the car into a parking spot in front of the auditorium and killed the engine. "Why, it was none other than the Grand High King To-And-Fro Champion of the Universe himself! And he was so stunned, so amazed, so enthralled by your hella sick to-ing and fro-ing skills that I overheard him say," here his voice deepened theatrically, "at long last! I've found a worthy successor to bequeath my bedazzling, golden To-And-Fro Crown to!"

I scoffed, using climbing out of the car as an excuse to hide my small, traitorous smile. "Wow, there's a To-And-Fro Crown?"

"You bet your sweet booty there is!" he chirped as he exited the vehicle himself, slamming the door shut behind him.

An amused little huff escaped my nose as I joined him, slipping my hand back into his before making my way towards the entrance to the building. Then I was shooting him some suspicious side-eye. "...you're planning to make me a crown now, aren't you?"

"I dunno what you're talking about," he said a touch too innocently as we climbed the steps and walked inside.

I shot him a dull look. "Do not make me a crown."

"Oh-ho, you're getting a crown whether you like it or not, babycakes."

A soft snort escaped me as I pulled to a stop alongside the back row of audience seats. Then the chilly anxiety began to creep its way back inside my chest. Wrinkling my nose, I muttered, "It'd probably be best if I didn't take you in back with me, so just… wait here, I suppose. This should only take a few minutes… I hope."

Instead of releasing my hand as I turned to go however, his grip gently tightened as he said, "Wait, you forgot this."

"Wha-?" was all I managed to get out before he was tugging me back to him, cupping my cheek and pressing his lips to mine. For a moment, all thoughts of dread were forgotten, washed away by the waves of icy heat sent cascading throughout my body.

As he pulled away, he pressed his forehead to mine and trailed the pad of his thumb along the curve of my cheekbone, murmuring, "Whatever her High-And-Mighty Bitchiness wants, ya give her hell, you hear me?"

Face a little warm, I gave him a tiny smile and a single hesitant nod. Then I squeezed his hand before disentangling our fingers and heading towards the door that led to the backstage area.

The rooms back here were a ghost town currently. I knew however that in only a few short hours the place would be pure chaos with actors and techies alike rushing about in preparation for tonight's show. I frowned, fidgeting with my fingers as I slowly wandered from room to empty room, curious as to where exactly the fearsome assistant director might be hiding. Just when I was thinking about texting her to be sure this actually was in fact where she'd wanted me to come, I heard muffled voices. I glanced around for a second before making my way towards the dressing room as that seemed to be where they were coming from.

Poking my head through the doorway, I spotted three older women who I knew helped Sally with all the costuming for the shows here. They had a few of the costumes for the musical in hand, waving them about as they talked amongst themselves somewhat frantically. All their words were jumbling together into such a muddle of indecipherable noise, it was a wonder any of them were able to keep up with their own conversation.

Taking in a deep breath to settle my nerves before exhaling, I approached them with a polite, "Hi Flora, Fauna, Merryweather... Would any of you possibly know where Lar-"

"Ah! There you are, dear, and not a moment too soon!" The one in a red knit sweater, Flora, cried as she and the others whirled around to face me. "Come, come, there's too much to do and not enough time to do it all in! So many adjustments to make!"

And then I yelped as the three of them pounced.

Okay, maybe "pounced" was a tad strong. But they came at me brandishing tape measures in their hands and safety pins gripped between their teeth and if I'm being perfectly honest, it was a little distressing to say the least.

"Adjustments? What adj- hey, that tickles!" I squirmed as Flora, the one wearing the green hat, stretched out my arm to measure from wrist to armpit. "Adjustments to what?"

Flora smiled sweetly back at me as she wrapped the tape around my bicep now, "To the costumes, of course dear! What else?"

Well duh, I'd figured that much out! But which-

Oh! Hold on… could it be that…

"...was there an accident with one of my outfits? Did something rip and you just need to fix it?" Was that why I'd been called down here? Because if that's all it was, thank goodness!

The lady sporting a blue scarf, Merryweather, ignored my question as she straightened back up with a scowl after taking my height measurement. "Aww, phooey! You're shorter by five inches! Now we have to take up all the hemlines!"

My eyebrows knit together, "Wha… hemlines? What are you… shorter than what? Just what is going-"

"There you are!" A new voice exasperatedly joined the conversation from behind us and I turned to see Larxene striding into the room bearing a clipboard. Or rather, I tried to turn, only to have Flora flip me back around so she could resume measuring my shoulders. "Finally! You certainly took your sweet damn time!"

Wincing slightly, I began, "I… I got here as fast as I could, I-"

She sighed boredly, "Save it, I don't give a crap." Coming to a stop next to me, she eyed her clipboard as she flipped through a couple of the pages. "I got ahold of the others and they should be here any minute for our dry run. As long as no one fucks anything up, that should leave enough time to finish making sure all your costumes fit, your hair is done, and-"

"My hair? What are you doing with my... Wait, why wouldn't my- stop that," I hissed, shooing Fauna away from getting that tape cord anywhere near my bust before looking at Larxene again. "Why wouldn't my costumes fit? And dry run? What dry run? I didn't know about any more rehearsals being scheduled before the show today."

The assistant director gave me a flat look. "...Marluxia didn't tell you?" When my answer was only a blank stare, she growled in her throat, closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Of course he didn't. Why would he? He's only the damn director, ugh! Leave it to Pinkie to delegate without even bothering to tell me!" Cyan eyes locked on me once more and voice taking on what had to be the most unenthused tone in the entire history of all tones, she informed me, "Congratulations. You're Elphaba."

Sorry, I'm who now?

I blinked. Once, then twice. Then, "I'm…? Elph- Wha? Me? No, that can't- That's not- It doesn't- It's not- There's just- It couldn't- No, no, no, there must be-"

Gosh, I've always had such a way with words.

Pressing my lips together firmly and taking a second to gather my thoughts, I tried again. "Snow White-"

"Snow White has food poisoning and can't go on," Larxene enunciated as if she were explaining to a four-year-old child. "So Pinkie has shoulder-tapped you to step up and fill in. Mazel-fucking-tov, now can we move past this already?"

I frowned, barely even noticing now as the flurry of poking, prodding and measuring continued about my person. "But what about… I mean surely there must be a… an understudy! Or-"

She barked out a laugh. "An understudy? Princess please, this is community theater, what understudy?"

My gaze fell to the floor, a crease forming between my eyebrows. Then I was looking at her again, "But this just doesn't make any sense, there has to be someone else! Someone with… with more experience! Why not Tiana or-"

"Tiana's busy," Larxene rolled her eyes.

I shook my head, "Doing what?"

"Um, playing Glinda? Doi?" she arched an eyebrow at me, then scoffed. "We're not going to play musical goddamn chairs with all the leads just a few hours before the show starts. That'd be a royal shitshow, genius. So why don't I just leave all the prancy-wancy acting… stuff to you while you leave the assistant directing to me, okay?" That last word was dripping with enough sarcasm to fill a whole friggin' bucket.

"Then…" I bit down on my bottom lip, breathing shallow and mind racing, desperate to come up with any other solution. "...then one of the other girls! From the tryouts who aren't in the show! Like, oh, what was her name… Yuna?"

Larxene watched me blankly. Then she was tucking her clipboard into her armpit so she could clap her hands together once and coo in candy-coated sweetness, "Okay, yeah! Let's bring in someone who hasn't been to any rehearsals and doesn't know any of the stage layout or any of the choreography! It's perfect! Gee, why didn't I think of that?"

The mockery was neither appreciated nor lost on me.

"Fine! What about- I said stop!" Fauna had been making another shot for my bust and I stumbled out of that tangled mess of hands and measuring tape, huffing and puffing through my nose as I glanced back at them, "What are you even doing?!"

"Making sure we can get all of Snow White's costumes to fit you, dear! Now hold still, we're almost done," Flora said before they all ambushed me again.

Resigned to my fate for the moment, I turned my attention back to Larxene, "But what about one of the other girl's in the chorus? There has to be- There must be someone else who's more trained or… or would be a better fit or-"

"For fuck's sake, Snowflake, why are you fighting this so hard? Do you really need the validation of having me spell it out for you that badly?" Larxene snapped.

My head rocked back and I stared at her with eyes wide. "Wha… Validation? What are you… That's not-"

"Fine." She thrust up one hand to tick off her pinky finger, "One: you're consistent. Annoyingly so. You're the only chorus member who's shown up to every single damn one of the rehearsals. Maybe because all those other pathetic losers have more of a life than you? Don't know, don't care."

Hey now, I had a life!

...I think… it was still sort of a work in progress...

"Two," up went the next finger, "you know the show front and back and could probably recite the whole damn thing from cover to cover at the drop of a hat. You think we haven't noticed you backstage, mirroring all the other actors' stage directions and dance routines and miming along with all the lines and songs like some dumb parrot?"

Oh gosh, they saw that?! Color me mortified.

"Three, you actually got halfway decent pipes and should be able to handle Elphaba's songs at least well enough to not completely embarrass yourself."

Wow, thanks for the vote of confidence.

Jutting out one hip to plant a fist against it, Larxene stared down her nose at me. "So what's it gonna be, Shortbread? You've put in the time, you know your stuff, you got the voice… question is, you got the balls to actually do it?"

I stiffened, sucking in a breath and holding it. I'd run out of arguments to push back with. And honestly…

...did I really want to be arguing this?

The silence stretched as my heart pounded in my ears. Then finally and at long last, I gave a single yet vigorous nod. "Yes."

She smirked. "Good, cuz that was a trick question. You didn't actually have a choice, bitch."

The door to the room banged open as yet another person abruptly came sprinting into the room. She had long dark red hair beneath her newsboy cap and poking out of her shoulder bag was a crude hand-sewn doll that she was never seen without, though I'd never quite been able to figure out what it was exactly… a cat? A pig? Your guess was as good as mine. As for the girl herself, what I did know about her was that she also helped with costuming. Right now, she came bearing a giant black bottle that she waved high over her head. "Got it! Got th… the hair dye!" she panted out as she came stumbling to a stop and braced her shoulder against the wall for support, looking as if she'd just run a marathon.

"Hair dye?" my hand unconsciously went to my braid.

"Oh don't worry!" she gave an exhausted chuckle as she batted her hand through the air. "It's the kind that washes out, but it'll still look great on you!"

"Alright, wrap this up, ladies, we don't have all fucking day," Larxene snapped her fingers a couple times as she started making her way towards the exit. "Snowflake, your ass better be on stage in five so we can get this damn show on the road, got it?"

"Ah… y-yes, of course, I'll be-"

But she was already gone, slamming the door shut behind her.

"Shiki, be a dear and get these measurements to Sally," Flora finished jotting something down on two slips of paper before handing them both to the redhead. "There's a copy in there for you too, so you can grab Elphaba's nightgown for the Popular scene and start taking in the waist."

"Got it!" Shiki nodded as solemnly as a soldier being sent off to war. I was surprised she didn't salute before she darted out through a door in back that led to a deeper part of the dressing rooms.

The remaining three women were suddenly a red, green and blue whirlwind of activity as they bustled about the room, a cacophony of noise once more, flailing costumes as they went. I just kind of stood off awkwardly to one side, rubbing my elbow. Fauna noticed me long enough for a quick but friendly, "We're done, dear."

"Oh, okay," I nodded as she dashed off.

More awkward standing.

"Go on, shoo!" Merryweather impatiently whipped the outfit she was holding at me as she blurred past.

With a start, I gasped, "Right! I, uh… I'll get out of your way," before hastily retreating out the door.

I was still kind of in a state of shock. Because, come on… that was a lot to happen in the space of five minutes! Here I'd come in expecting to get cut, not to have a friggin' lead part dropped into my lap. None of this felt real. Was this a dream? Or maybe more like a nightmare, considering I'd actually been crazy enough to say yes. Oh dear god, was I even ready for this?

Feet seemingly on autopilot, I hardly realized where I was even going as I numbly walked back out towards the audience seating. Lea was slouched down in one of the chairs in back, lollipop stick poking out of one corner of his mouth and red Converse kicked up onto one of the backrests of the row in front of him as he thumbed through his phone.

Looking up as I approached, he grinned and hopped up to his feet with a chipper, "How did it go with Larxy?" But then he squinted at me with a frown. "...do I need to knock her block off? Cuz I'll do it. I don't care if she's a girl, I'll-" he cut himself off, lips pursing to the left. "Scratch that, that hag scares the everliving crap outta me. But I'll tell you what, I will definitely write her a strongly worded letter, or… ah! Passive aggressive post-it notes! That bitch is gonna be getting so many passive aggressive post-it notes from me, she'll rue the day she ever messed with my boo!"

Shaking my head slowly and still in an almost sort of trance, I said, "They're, uh… they needed to make adjustments."

One of his eyebrows quirked. "Adjustments?"

I nodded, staring off into space, eyes unfocused. "To the, um… the…" I gestured to my clothes by way of explanation. Don't think he got it. I kept going as if he had though. "And there's hair dye. And a dry run. Because of the poison."

"Poison?" he echoed again, this time slightly more alarmed.

"So they asked me to- well, I mean, I told them they should have a- you'd think they would have one, wouldn't you? But apparently no, not for community theater. So I said, well why not Tiana? But.. but Larxene didn't want to play musical chairs, and I suppose she had a point. And Yuna hasn't been around and wouldn't know any of the- not to mention all of the other girls have more of a life, so that apparently makes me the-" I suddenly inhaled sharply, digging my phone out of my pocket. "I should tell Anna."

"What? Tell Anna what?!" he asked, but I had already tapped her name in my contacts and was pressing the phone to my ear as I shushed him. His shoulders slumped and he muttered, "I have no freaking clue what's even happening."

It only rang once before a male voice answered, "City zoo, reindeer speaking."

Rolling my eyes as I also heard Anna's faint snickering in the background on the other end of the line, I said, "Hi Kristoff. Could you put my sister on please?"

Oh yeah, those two were an item now. Well, kind of… it was still new and Anna was taking it slow for once.

They were actually kind of cute together.

Though it was really weird seeing Kristoff smile so much now.

"Dweeb," came a muffled giggle from Anna, which I assumed was more so directed at my coworker than at me. There were some shuffling sounds as the phone presumably exchanged hands before she came in loud and clear in my ear with a bright, "Hey, Sis! What's up?"

At long last, a hint of a smile started to tug at my lips. "Something… something amazing has happened, you'll never guess! I-"

"Oh! I know already, and I am so friggin' proud of you, you have no idea!"

I blinked, tipping my head to one side. "You are? Wait, how could you possibly know already? I just-"

"Lea told me!" My forehead wrinkled at that as my eyes darted to him. Suddenly she let loose a piercing squeal and I flinched, holding the phone away a bit. "Ahhh! Lookit you! My big sis is all growed up and giving her man hickies! 'Bout friggin' time too!"

My right eye twitched.

Ah. Right. That. I'd almost forgotten.

My free hand snaked out to give Lea's arm another pinch and he yelped, lollipop tumbling from his lips. Fumbling to catch it, he grumbled, "Shit, El, what'd I do?"

Jabbing my fingertip against his chest at the exact spot where I'd left my mark under his shirt, I hissed, "You know what you did."

With a tiny sheepish chuckle, he scratched a spot behind his ear. "Oh yeah…"

Oh-ho, he was going to rue the day. And trust me, it wasn't going to be with passive aggressive post-it notes.

I narrowed my eyes on him as I continued my phone conversation, "First of all, I never want to hear the H-word coming out of your mouth again. You're my little sister, it's just… it's too weird." I paused with a small shudder, but then a grin slowly began fighting its way back onto my face. "Second of all… I'm Elphaba."

"...elle-fab-wha?"

I made a noise in my throat that was half sigh, half groan. What, did she sleep through the show when she saw it last week? ...honestly, I wouldn't have been surprised. "A lead. They made me a lead, okay? Th-" a gasp stifled my words as my free hand flew up to cover my mouth. It was finally actually hitting me. This was real. Saying out loud had suddenly made it so very, very real. "Oh my god, they made me a lead."

"They what?!" Anna shrieked in delight at the same time Lea surprised me by hugging my waist, picking me up and spinning me around as he laughed, "Babe, that's amazing!"

As he was putting me back down, I could hear Anna babbling, "How did this happen?! Tell me, I want to know everything! How is this even possible? Aren't all the leads filled?"

I opened my mouth to respond, but Lea started talking as well, "Did one of the stars call in sick? Shit, did she call in dead? You said something about poison, which is a thing I think we sorta glossed over and should circle back to."

Again, I took in a breath to form words. Again, I was cut off. "Did they realize how friggin' talented and beautiful and incredible you are and just write a new leading part specifically for you?"

"Was the actress poisoned? Was she murdered?" Lea then gave a dramatic mock gasp. "...did you murder her for the part?"

"What am I saying? Of course that's what they did, ah! I can't believe they friggin' wrote in a whole new character just for you! Except I can believe it and I do!"

"Cuz if you did, you know you can tell me, right? Your secret is safe with me, just damn, El... who knew beneath that whole sweet, doe-eyed routine of yours beat the heart of a ruthless, cold-blooded killer?"

"Both of you, shush!" I huffed, finally managing to get a word in edgewise. Jeez, I could barely handle one person talking to me on a good day, let alone two at the same time. To my boyfriend, I articulated slowly, "Food poisoning, Lea. Food poisoning." As he just sniggered and shrugged, I spoke into the phone, "And Anna, no, that's not how plays work. Someone fell ill, I'm just filling in." I puffed out a soft breath and hesitated, worrying my bottom lip between my teeth now. "...listen, are you busy tonight? Do you think… Would you be able to make it?"

"You want me there?! Really?" I winced at how shocked she sounded. "I mean, Sis, don't get me wrong, I'd absolutely love to go, but… me being there, that wouldn't, ya know… psych you out or make you feel more pressure?"

Restless fingers fiddling with my braid, I was silent for a few seconds. Then I gave a firm nod even though I knew she couldn't see it. "I would… really like it if you were there. Kristoff can come too, if you want."

Another eardrum bursting squeal. Don't think I was joking either. Pretty sure that was blood I felt trickling out of my ear now. "We are so there! We'll be like your groupies! We'll paint our faces and hold up signs saying how much we heart you and-"

"No!" I said quickly. Because I knew Anna. She wasn't kidding. "No face paint, no signs!"

"Oo, what's this I hear about face paint and signs?" Lea's eyes lit up.

I hung my head, pressing my fingers to the spot between my eyebrows. "Great, now you've gotten Lea's hopes up. You know how he latches on."

Giggling, Anna said, "And don't worry about inviting Mom and Dad, I'll pass the invite along to them for y-"

My shoulders stiffened. "Do not tell them! They won't care."

"But-"

"Just don't, Anna, okay? See you tonight." I scowled as my thumb pressed the 'End Call' button, silencing any further argument from her.

"Don't tell who what?" Lea asked, cocking his head slightly.

With a tiny exhale as I pocketed my phone, I said, "She wanted to invite my parents to tonight's show as well, which is ridiculous. They wouldn't want to come."

He frowned, then crossed his arms as he leaned one hip against an audience seat. "Do you want them there?"

I scrunched up my face. "...I haven't spoken to them in months. Not since that disastrous weekend you and I visited them. If the first thing they heard from me after all this time was to ask them to come see my silly little play… no, they wouldn't be interested. In fact, they'd probably be insulted. You know they discouraged my interest in theater all my life, so this would just be like a slap in the face to them. This is the last place they'd want to be, they wouldn't even be caught dead here. They won't come."

"But do you want them there?" he pressed again.

Hugging myself, I looked down, staring hard at my feet. "...Anna better listen to me. She better not tell them, or I'll-"

"What part of 'ass on stage in five' did you not understand, Princess?!" Larxene's voice was suddenly booming throughout the auditorium. I whirled around to see all the other performers had arrived and were waiting on stage with our illustrious assistant director in the front, glaring daggers at me as she impatiently tapped her foot. "Chop, chop, we don't have all day!"

"C-Coming!" I stammered back, then screwed my eyes shut as another thought struck me. I muttered, "Shoot, I was going to call Rayne too."

"Don't worry, I'll pass the message along. We'll all be there with bells and whistles on," Lea winked. I gave him a quiet thank you as I turned to rush off. Before I could take so much as a step however, Lea stopped me with a, "Hey." I glanced back at him and he grinned softly as he reminded me, "They gave you a lead."

I blinked. Then a huge smile spread across my face.

This was happening.

This was real. Like, really real.

Suddenly bubbling over with excitement and in need of an outlet, I flung myself at Lea and kissed him.

"God fucking damnit, now, Snowflake!" Larxene snapped.

"Be right up!" I called as I released him, tossing him one final hasty wave over my shoulder as I dashed towards the stage.

This wasn't a dream.

This was really happening.

And I couldn't wait to get started.

Scratch that, I could wait.

Maybe hold off for another hour or two? Or, I don't know… twelve? Tomorrow! Yes, tomorrow, would be great. Or better yet, perhaps a week from now? Heck, why not round it up to a nice, even year. Sound good?

If it wasn't obvious, I was having second thoughts. Not to mention third and fourth thoughts to boot.

It was kind of hard not to when I'd made the mistake of peeking out past the curtains to see just how many people were out there. Answer? A lot. So many. Too many. How did they even all fit in there? I could swear I remember the auditorium being a lot smaller… had it grown bigger in the past couple hours? Pretty sure it had grown bigger. I mean, that was the only logical explanation for the sheer amount of people in the audience now, right? Right.

Letting go of the curtain to block out the terrifying sight once more, I drew in a slow breath and held it for a few seconds. There was about fifteen minutes left before the show was to start. Fifteen very few, very short minutes. My face and neck were painted green, along with my hands that currently shook as I wrung them together. My hair was black and still braided and very tempting to tug at, but I resisted. My costume - a formal, blue three piece skirt suit with a knit cap - still didn't quite fit right in some places, but it fit well enough. The costuming ladies had actually done a pretty amazing job in the scant time they'd had to work with, I couldn't even fathom how they'd managed to get everything done. My best guess? Magic. It was the only thing that made sense.

My pulse chugged along at what felt like a billion beats per second and… crud, my palms were clammy. I hoped that wouldn't wipe away the body paint. Ugh, you would think I wouldn't be so nervous. I mean, what was the big deal anyway? So what if I was going to be on stage in front of that huge crowd? You know what, I'd been on stage in front of a huge crowd last week too and I'd handled it just fine. True, I'd just been a part of the chorus then, whereas tonight I was Elphaba, but what was the difference, I mean really? Just a handful of solo songs, a few hundred (or was it thousand?) more lines… then of course so many more eyes focused on me… so many more chances that something could go wrong…

Dammit, I was just being silly! Repeat after me, Elsa: nothing will go wrong. Nothing will go wrong. After all, the dry run had gone smoothly, hadn't it? Almost surprisingly so. Now I just had to do the exact same thing again, only this time in front of a room full of people!

...so many, many people...

Okay, this wasn't helping. I needed to take my mind off all this anxiety and calm down. What was that old trick for dealing with stage fright? ...picture the audience naked?

I hesitated, pursing my lips to one side. Then I poked a finger through the curtains once more to take another quick look. Then I was retracting my hand to my chest, letting the curtains fall shut again.

...yeah, no. Pretending like I was performing for a nudist colony? Not helping.

Now I was only nervous and blushing. Just dandy.

A hand suddenly clapped down on my shoulder, making me jolt and swallow a small yelp.

"Don't worry, you'll be great!" someone whispered next to me. I turned my head to see Tiana smiling brightly at me, looking stunning in her poofy, sparkly Glinda dress with her hair done up in lustrous curls. "Break a leg."

It took a second for my brain to catch up and remember that that was an old theater saying for wishing me luck.

Oh gosh, were we… bonding? I wasn't quite sure, I didn't know what it looked like. Everyone here had always been nice enough to me, of course, but it's not like we interacted all that much outside of rehearsals, not really. I'd been getting slightly better with this whole human interaction thing, but I still wasn't exactly big on the concept. I didn't know what to do with this newfound showman camaraderie.

...at the very least, I should reciprocate, right?

As she moved off to get onto her floating platform that she was supposed to make her grand entrance on at the start of the show, I quietly but hastily called after her, "You, uh… y-you too! Break both of them! And… and an arm as well!" Wait, what? "In fact, I'll break them all for you and-"

Both my hands shot up to gag myself.

For the love of… Learn to quit while your ahead, you stupid useless mouth!

Breathing a muffled sigh into my fingers, I slowly lowered my hands as I glanced up at the clock hanging on the wall. The minutes were ticking by far too quickly. My body was practically vibrating with all the nervous energy coursing through it and not for the first time, I seriously considered making a break for it. I knew where the back exit was to this place and I'd been left unsupervised. Really, that was just asking for trouble. Everyone should know by now what a goddamn friggin' flight risk I was!

I pushed that oh so appealing thought to the back of my mind however, locking it up and throwing away the key. A distraction… that's what I needed right now! But where to find such a thing…?

I looked to the heavy velvet curtain once more, pausing for a few heartbeats.

You'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now, but…

Yet again, I nudged it open a smidge to peek out.

It only took me a few seconds to spot them in the audience, third row from the front and slightly towards the right. Lea, Roxas, and Xion, chatting and laughing about something. Lea abruptly got Roxas in a headlock and started mussing up his hair while Xion just cackled. I hid a tiny grin behind my fingers as I watched Rayne reach across Xion, using her playbill pamphlet to swat at Lea's elbow trying to get him to stop manhandling Roxas.

This was what I'd needed to soothe me. To look out into that sea of people and see the faces of those I cared about.

To Rayne's right, Riku just read his own playbill and wisely stayed out of the mini-brawl that'd broken out. Then next to him were Anna and Kristoff. My sister was currently making a silly face as she took a selfie of the two of them, while he sported a goofy smile and couldn't seem to take his eyes off her.

Yes, exactly what I'd needed. One look at Lea, Roxas, Xion, Rayne, Riku, Anna, Kristoff, and my parents already had me feeling so much-

Wait…

Run that list by me again?

Lea, Roxas, Xion, Rayne, Riku, Anna, Kristoff, and-

I gasped, the curtain escaping my grasp and slipping back into place.

No, no, no, what were they doing here?! They shouldn't be here! They couldn't be here! There had to be some mistake! I must have been seeing things, it must have just been some… some trick of the light! Yeah, that had to be it! All I had to do was pull the curtain aside again and see for myself that it was just some other older couple who looked ridiculously rich, ridiculously out of place, and ridiculously uncomfortable.

Swallowing hard, I tentatively reached for that thick velvet fabric once more, parting it by an inch.

...fudge. No question about it. That was definitely and without a doubt... my parents.

I released the curtains once more, frowning. A few seconds ticked by. Then I poked them to one side again.

Nope. Still there. Still them.

...maybe I should try closing and opening the curtains one more time?

Zip it, brain, you're not helping!

This just… this didn't make any sense! What were they even doing here?!

My anxious eyes darted over a couple seats from them to where Anna was still in selfie mode, finger hooked in her mouth to flash her gums while she stuck out her tongue and crossed her eyes.

My eyelids drooped.

Why that little…

I dashed over to the dressing rooms, snatching my phone out of the locker I was using for my personal items before rushing back over to the curtains, fingers furiously tapping out a text message as I went.

I will END you.

Annnnnnnd send.

Sneaking a glimpse out into the audience once more, I watched as Anna suddenly went very rigid, face pale and wide eyes locked on her phone screen. Then, as if she could sense my icy death glare on her, she looked up and directly at the tiny gap in the curtains through which I was peering. I swiped a finger slowly across my throat. She quite visibly gulped, gaze darting over to our parents. Oh yes. She knew exactly why I was going to murder her. Then her thumbs were a blur as they started tapping at her phone. I felt mine vibrate in my hands and I glanced down at it.

it wsnt me i swear thy just showd up id nevr do that 2 u plz dont kll me i luv u and thnk ur so so pretty

As she then proceeded to spam me with various heart and kiss emojis, a crease formed between my eyebrows and I looked to the crowd once more. My parents wouldn't have known to come on their own, so someone had to have told them.

If not Anna, then who…?

My gaze landed on another certain redhead, currently snickering as his fingers ruffled his hair.

...oh-ho, he wouldn't have much left to snicker about by the time I was through with him.

Glancing to my phone once more, I swapped over to my text conversation with Lea and started typing.

Left backstage door. Now.

I watched long enough to see him pull out his phone, quirk an eyebrow as he read my message, then hop up to his feet to make his way towards the requested rendezvous point. I ran behind stage, turning down a hallway and descending the steps leading to the other side of that same door. As I pulled it open a crack to peer out, I could see Lea standing there with his back to me, hands shoved into his pockets as he idly rocked on his feet while waiting. The audience murmur was dying down as the lights began to dim, indicating the show was about to start. That was okay, that still gave me roughly ten more minutes before I had to be on stage.

More than enough time to hide the body when I was through with my meddling boyfriend.

"Psssst," I hissed to get his attention, opening the door wider.

Lea spun around, took one look at me and snerked, both hands coming up to cup over his mouth. His eyes crinkled as he seemed to take a second to compose himself. Then in a whisper that shook with barely contained laughter, he said, "I'm sorry, but you make… the cutest teenage mutant ninja turtle."

Not wanting to disturb the audience as the first notes of the play's music started up, I simply rolled my eyes, grabbed him by the front of the shirt and yanked him through the door, letting it fall shut behind him.

He stumbled into me, his hands immediately going to my hips as he smirked down the few inches that separated us. "Mmm, so that's what this is? Need me to help you work off some of those pre-show jitters, huh? Wouldn't think you'd have the time to squeeze in a lil makeout sesh, but if you insist…" He gently pressed me up against the wall, pinning my body there with his. Ducking his head down, his lips found my throat as he murmured, "I'll admit, I am pretty curious to find out just how far down this green goes…"

I shivered as his kisses down my neck left a warm tingle in their wake.

...reason…

There'd been a reason I'd wanted to see him, and this wasn't it.

...unless… was it?

Wait! No! Focus, Elsa, focus! I'd wanted to talk to him about, uh… about my, uh…

"Parents!" I breathed out at last, regaining some semblance of thought as I cleared my throat. "It was you who invited my parents here, wasn't it?"

He stilled against my neck. Then he was straightening back up once more and I had to choke back a laugh. Thanks to my body paint, his mouth had now taken on a lovely shade of emerald. "Maybe… who wants to know?" he asked with a playful shrewdness. I narrowed my eyes up at him, to which he grinned, "No seriously, who? I can't tell which one you're supposed to be. Donatello? Raphael?"

"Bold of you to mock someone who's has intimate knowledge of all your weak points," I deadpanned, poking him in the side where I knew he was ticklish. He yelped and squirmed. Ah, sweet sweet vengeance. I then released a grumbling sigh. "...I told you not to tell them."

Lea struck up a finger, "Correction: you told Anna not to tell them. You never said a word about what I myself should or shouldn't do."

"But I said I didn't want them here!" I shot back, mindful to still keep my voice low.

"Did ya though?" he cocked an eyebrow at me. My hand shot out for his ticklish spot again, but he caught it with a triumphant, "Ha! But no really, you didn't. You did however give me an impressive list of excuses as to why you assumed they wouldn't wanna come."

"Because they wouldn't!" I pressed. But then I hesitated, averting my gaze before muttering, "...or rather… I thought they wouldn't." I shook my head. "...what did you even say to them?"

His shoulders gave a small shrug. "Nothing much, I don't even remember really. But cliff notes version? Something along the lines of how important this was to you and if they ever hoped to have even so much as a snowball's chance in hell of being a part of your life ever again, it'd be important to them too."

My face twisted sourly. It was kind of getting hard to stay mad at him. Especially when I had to keep staring at those toad-lips of his. But damned if I wasn't going to try. "So what, you expect me to believe you just called them up and-"

"Oh," he chuckled and shook his head, "no, I didn't call. I mean, I tried to at first, but only got as far as leaving a message with the butler. So figured, hell, got several hours to kill before curtain time... why not take a lil road trip?"

I stared at him, eyes growing round. "Oh no."

Lea beamed, "Oh yes! We had quite the pleasant chat, your folks and I. In the... Jasmine Room I believe it was this time. It was nice. Cozy. There was even tea."

A quiet snort escaped me now as my expression softened, reaching a hand up to touch his cheek. "...that was a very sweet, not to mention a very stupid and overstepping thing to do."

"If by 'stupid and overstepping' you mean 'brilliant and endearing,' then you and I are in total and one hundred percent agreement," one side of his mouth quirked. He then puffed out a smug, lofty sigh, "What can I say, I just can't help being so awesome. Try not to swoon while in the presence of the awe-inspiring greatness that is yours truly."

I gave him a blank look. "Your lips are green."

He blinked, removing one hand from my waist to poke at his lips before pulling his fingertip away to discover it was now a delightful lime color. Then he flashed his dimple, "You say that like it isn't just another example of my awesomeness."

Biting back a small smile, I idly smoothed a thumb at the corner of his mouth. "I will say I am rather fond of the way it brings out the color of your eyes."

"Now ya gone and done it," he hugged me more tightly against him. "This moment right here? You remember it good. Now when I go and start making green lipstick my new aesthetic, just remember that it's all thanks to you telling me that."

"...fudge."

He snerked before leaning his face in closer to mine now, his breath warming my lips as he whispered, "Now whaddya say to me laying some sweet green sugar on ya, babydoll?"

I spluttered in amusement, clamping a hand over his mouth before he could finish closing the distance. "And risk you ruining my makeup even further? I don't think so. Besides, I should get back, I'm sure I must be due on stage any minute."

Pulling his face free of my grasp, he now rested his forehead to mine and nuzzled our noses together. "C'mon, you're fine. One lil smooch or two won't hurt any-"

A sudden loud, ominous crackle filled the air. We both turned our heads to discover now standing at the top of the stairs was a certain assistant director with a homicidal gleam in her eye as she held up a sparking taser. Larxene shut it off, gravely intoning, "Oh you miserable little man. How shall I fry thy lame-o ass for trespassing backstage? Let me count the ways." The taser buzzed with electricity once more.

"Gottarunbabeknock'emdeadoutthere," Lea blurted out, planting a swift peck to my forehead before bolting out the door back to audience seating so fast, you'd have missed if you'd blinked.

Leaving me to face the walking, talking electrocution chair in human form all on my own.

Gee thanks, Lea. So brave. So valiant. My hero.

The big, fat chicken.

I gulped, licking my dry lips and squaring my shoulders. "Larxene, I-"

"Will you just go get ready for your cue?" she huffed, stepping aside and gesturing with the taser for me to get a move on. "I'll chew you out after the show."

Releasing a small breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding, I nodded and ran up the steps past her. As I snatched up and put on my prop glasses, picked up the student briefcase to complete my costume and got into position just offstage, I saw that it was almost time for me to make my entrance. It was just now hitting me that I'd been so distracted by having my little chat with Lea that I'd missed out on precious panicking time. As if my body were trying to make up for it all at once, my heart rate abruptly skyrocketed, blood rushed in my ears and my knees trembled.

But beneath it all was also the teeniest flash of giddiness.

This was it.

There was no time left for freaking out or worrying about what could go wrong or stressing out about my parents being in the audience.

I tensed as I heard my cue, hesitating for a beat.

There was no time left for anything except to just go out there and get on with it.

So I did. I drew in a deep breath and took that first step out onto the stage.

I will never forget those first five minutes.

Everything about it had just been so… different. Being a lead had made it all different. The warmth radiating from the stage lights above had been different. The hush from an auditorium packed with people had been different. Even the very air itself as I'd breathed it into my lungs had felt different.

Those first five minutes would stay with me forever until the day I died. Because those five minutes had been undeniably and without question…

...the absolute worst experience of my whole life.

I'd tripped and stumbled over my own two feet. I'd forgotten simple stage directions. I hadn't talked loud enough at first. When I finally did speak up, I'd stammered through half my lines and completely skipped over others all together. At one point, I'd even accidentally said somebody else's line for them.

It'd been terrible. Simply awful. Literally a nightmare. One I was pretty sure I'd had before. One I'd kept praying to wake up from but never did. I'd wanted to run off the stage. Just flee into the night and never look back. Every last molecule of my being had been all but screaming at me to do so.

But I didn't.

Somehow - and I'm still to this day not quite sure how exactly - I'd stuck it out. I stood fast and stubbornly soldiered through it. And I'm so glad I did.

Because waiting at the end of those infernal five minutes had been my first song.

From the second those opening musical notes filled the air and hit my eardrums, everything had changed. My body began to relax as the tension eased bit by bit. For that tune had reminded me why I was here. That this is something I really, really wanted to do. Had dreamed of doing ever since I was a little girl. Suddenly it no longer mattered that there was an audience out there. It didn't matter that all eyes were on me.

All that mattered was pouring my heart into my song and giving it my all.

After that, everything suddenly seemed to just click. I knew where to go. I knew what to do. I knew what to say as clearly as if I'd had the script on a teleprompter in front of me the whole time that only I could see. I was no longer scared little Elsa trying and failing miserably at playing a role. I was that role. I was Elphaba.

And it was amazing.

Perfect, in fact.

Before long, I was singing my last song with Glinda. Before long, I was making my final exit offstage with the Scarecrow as the curtains closed behind us. Before long, I was stepping out with the rest of the cast to take our bows before the applauding crowd. And before long, it was all over and I was descending down the steps into the audience area…

...where I was immediately all but tackled to the ground by Anna, Rayne, and Xion in a vicious group hug.

"Guys, if you were trying to squeeze the life out of me, you've succeeded," I wheezed, trying to wriggle free. "It's done. There's no life left in me. Now for the love of all that is good and oxygenated, let go!"

Thankfully they released me. Ah, blessed, blessed air, how I missed thee. Xion was the first to pipe up with, "Oh my god, Elsa! You were fantastic! I had no idea you were gonna be so good!"

"Good?! Please," Anna scoffed before grabbing me by the shoulders to excitedly shake me, "Sis, you crushed it!"

"My precious bab is gonna grow up to be a star!" Rayne bawled, pinching both my cheeks.

Baby hormones. Don't mind her.

Pulling my face free of her fingers, I humored them with a shy smile. "You're all very sweet, but it's okay. There's no need to exaggerate."

Anna narrowed her eyes over a grin, "Please, don't even try to give us that BS. You were phenomenal and you know it!"

I gave her a flat look. "Oh yeah, so phenomenal. Especially those first few minutes."

"Shhhh," Xion pressed a finger to my lips with a smirk. "We pretend those minutes don't exist."

A throat cleared, causing the girls to turn and part to reveal the other half of their little group, aka the boys. Lea was front and center, one corner of his lips (oh dear lord, they were still the color of grass) twitching up as he stepped forward with a colorful bouquet in hand.

I fought a losing battle to suppress my growing smile as I took the flowers from him, not failing to notice the winter honeysuckle sprinkled into the mix. Crinkling my eyes up at him, I teased, "What a totally outdated and unnecessary gesture… thanks, I hate it."

"Liar," he snorted, slipping a hand around my waist as he pressed his lips to my hair. "Way to own that stage. I mean it, El. You kicked some serious ass up there."

Anna shook her head with a soft giggle, "That's what we were trying to tell her!"

"But the goob doesn't know how to take a compliment," Rayne tsked, flicking my forehead.

"What? C'mon, don't play coy. You know you were pure awesome incarnate, way better than that other chick that usually plays her," Lea booped his fingertip to my nose.

I suddenly felt very grateful that I was still caked in body paint. All the better to hide my blush with, my dear. I scrunched up my nose and averted my gaze, "You're just saying that because you're biased."

"Oh, one hundred percent. But doesn't make it any less true!" he chirped.

I rolled my eyes.

Time for a topic change.

"Your lips are still green."

Hey, I never said anything about it being a particularly good topic change.

"And this surprises you how? I already told ya, babycakes, this is my new brand. Speaking of, time to apply a fresh coat!" And with that, he began smothering me from temple to cheek to jaw in kisses. I squirmed, smacking him with the bouquet.

"Anyone else up for a late dinner?" Riku chimed in as he joined his wife at her side, hugging an arm around her shoulders and nuzzling her cheek before turning his gaze on me. "You must be starved after blowing away the whole audience like that."

Oh gosh, if one more person complimented me, I fear I might explode. I'd never been built to handle so much attention and praise. It made me uncomfortable and I never knew how to respond, nor did I really want it. All I'd ever wanted to was to simply put on what was hopefully at least a halfway decent show.

As the others rumbled in agreement about finding somewhere to eat that'd still be open this late, I nodded as well, "Just… give me a moment to get changed and clean off all this green."

"No no, my sweet, leave it on… for later," Lea cooed into my ear, waggling his eyebrows.

A huff of a laugh escaped me. "Now you're just making it weird."

Eyes dancing, his mouth opened to retort but before he could make so much as a sound, somebody else was interjecting with, "Pardon us."

I inhaled sharply, my spine snapping ramrod straight at that voice.

Crud, I'd completely forgotten that they were here.

Our whole group suddenly fell very quiet as all eyes turned to a nearby couple standing uncertainly off to one side, watching us all warily.

My parents.

Looking just as uncomfortable and out of place as they had before the show.

As they tentatively began to approach, Roxas and Kristoff shifted to make space for them. Their eyes settled on me at first before briefly flicking over towards Lea, who still had his arms wrapped tightly around me with seemingly zero intention of removing them, propriety be damned. I had to resist the very strong urge to clap my hand over his minty lips, abruptly very aware of the fact that that was probably what'd drawn my parents' fleeting focus to him. Thankfully, they made no comment. I'm not even sure what I would have said if they had.

Looking to me once more, Mother was finally the first to break the silence that somehow felt like it'd already been going for absolute centuries. "Elsa," she began but paused, an unsure frown in place as she seemed to search for the right words. "...you... did very well."

"Yes," Father lifted his chin slightly, the epitome of stiff politeness. "The show was… adequately entertaining."

I felt Lea's muscles go rigid beside me, could see his nostrils flaring out of the corner of my eye. I was quick to place a hand to his chest, speaking up before he could. "Th-thanks… Thank you very much," I told them softly with a small bow of my head.

They looked like they may have wanted to say more, but apparently seemed to think better of it. Instead, Father went with, "It's late. We best be off."

"See you back at home," Mother told Anna, reaching over a hand to lightly brush at her cheek. My sister's eyes darted from her over to me, then back. Then she just gave a tiny nod and said nothing as our parents turned and left.

Once they were out those double doors at the far end of the auditorium, Lea grumbled, "'Adequately entertaining' my ass… what was that bullshit?"

My gaze still on where they'd exited, a slow smile spread across my lips. "That was them trying," I murmured, glancing up at him. "I think maybe I'll give them a call tomorrow."

Author's Note: Ha! You didn't SERIOUSLY think I'd include "Wicked" in this and not let Elsa get to play the role of Elphaba, did you?! For those of you who don't know, Elsa's voice actress Idina Menzel is also famous for being Elphaba in the musical "Wicked"! So of course I couldn't let El's talents be wasted in the chorus for the entire show… our ice queen bab got her time to shine! And if how Elsa came around to getting to play the part sounds possibly far fetched, it's not as much of a stretch at it might seem! I did some research into it and it's true: it's very common in community theater to not have understudies, so if someone gets sick or otherwise can't perform, often the first place they'll look for a replacement is in the chorus! Side note: I for some reason took WAY too much joy in my stupid lil Snow White and food poisoning reference, don't ask me why xD In any case, El got to do one or two more shows as Elphaba (basically finished out that specific weekend's showings) before Snow White was feeling well enough to resume the role. But Elsa definitely had a blast and is eager to hopefully get a bigger part in whatever show her community theater decides to put on next! As for her folks, don't get me wrong, they're still in the dog house and won't be off the hook for a while yet, but the olive branch has been extended, a shaky truce has been formed and an awkward phone call is now made from time to time… for now xD Also - and this won't be any time soon, mind you - but I might have to go back at some point and write out another brief one-shot just for Lea's lil visit with El's folks where he "politely" (ha!) invited them to the show xD

Thanks for reading, I super duper appreciate it! And an extra BIG thank you to those of you who’ve liked, reblogged, and followed so far, seeing those lil notifications always brings the biggest, goofiest smile to my face!

Be back for next week's bonus chapter! In which there will be… BELLS! Do these bells have any particular significance to the plot of next chapter? Or are they just a brief prop and a red herring for this author's note? Stay tuned!

FIRST CHAPTER || PREVIOUS CHAPTER || NEXT CHAPTER

[todo-ho-ki]

If It’s Convenient for You, pt. 4

HOLY FUCK tumblr deleted the original. I shouldn’t have tried to add a tag on mobile huh?

Well anyway, here is part 4 AGAIN. 

Word Count: 2.4k

Pairing: BakugoXReader

Warnings: swearing, blood/mild violence

@chims-kookies I had to re-edit so I’m not sure if you’re still tagged OOPS

Part 1   Part 2   Part 3        Part 5   Part 6

When you awoke Saturday morning, the sky was clear and bright, rays of sunlight pouring into your room at the perfect angle. Finally a day off! Now you could relax and work on your audition piece. You felt light as a feather hopping out of bed, immediately grabbing headphones and twirling around. You expertly compiled a list of viable options before turning to look out the window.

"Holy shit." The clock on your desk read 7pm."Guess I should feed myself."

You dug around in your pile of neglected clothes, looking for anything that would constitute acceptable clothing.

The only things left in your pile were a turtleneck and...a short ass skirt.

Reluctanly, you donned the garb.

"Wow!" You exclaimed sarcastically.  "I've always wanted to look like I'm on Scooby-Doo!"

You were quite expertly paying homage to Velma. Except her sweater probably left a little more to the imagination than your thin fabric.

--

You drove aimlessly for a while. Now that there was no focus on anything in particular, the only thought consuming you was Bakguo standing at your register, domineering but calm.

A breath hitched in your throat for a moment and your tongue felt swollen, a clear memory of a sweet smell rolling off of him.  A little ironic, honestly, considering he was the saltiest bitch you'd ever met.

Calm down asshole. He's just a dude. A really, really, REALLY gorgeous dude. That you happen to keep seeing everywhere so you can't get his pretty face out of your stupid thoughts even though he's done literally nothing to earn your trust or respect because being a hero doesn't inherently mean he's worth his weight in gold-

Your internal monologue came to an abrupt end as you hit shuffle and let the music take over again. It was the only silence you were getting from that blonde-haired asshat.

It was really something you hated about yourself: your ability to not even know someone but suddenly be drowning in them. Every time you got an idea in your head, every time someone did something even remotely good in any way, you were jumping at the chance to fantasize.

What did they laugh at?  Could they be sweet? Funny? Loving? How soft is their hair? Their lips..? Any question you had you could daydream the answer to with no problem. And daydream you did.

The setting sun was kissing the horizon as you prattled down the highway. You were a good ways out in the countryside, so a commute gave you time to clear your head. But it wasn't clearing anything.

All you could imagine was him standing just a little closer, a smile aimed at you instead of a sneer, a hand sneaking around your waist.

Your car was parked.

You didn't really remember turning into a parking lot, glassy eyes looking up at the restaurant sign in front of you.

The glimmer of the "TAKOYAKI SUPREME" sign pulled you out of your daze, if only a little.

"I have gotta stop doing that before I crash and die. Well, maybe if I die I won't have to deal with this, you mused, a finger pressed to your chin. You continued to mutter to yourself, slinking into the restaurant and staring spacily at the menu.

"I literally don't even like takoyaki." Your arms crossed as you struggled to search for a menu item that didn't make you want to throw up.

You were also great at going with the flow, and just dealing with whatever unpleasant situation you found yourself in. Hope was running out as you reached the end of the menu, shrinking down a little.

But suddenly there was a tingle up your spine. And not in a good way. You didn't dare move now. All of the haze was gone and much like a few nights ago, adrenaline coursed. But this time, you really would've preferred to have Kirishima and Bakugo hiding somewhere behind you.

The door opened and a breeze blew in, carrying the sound of a slow, calculated voice.

"That's the one." It sounded like they were standing right next to you; goosebumps accompanied the chill over the atmosphere. It wasn't clear whether or not they were alluding to you, but your gut feeling said to be anywhere else.

They were both dressed in all black, tall and looming.

Did they follow you here? It's not like you would've noticed. You were too busy imagining a face that definitely wasn't going to walk you to your car now.

As long as I can get to my keys-fuck!

You felt around aimlessly in your pockets, the horror of realizing you locked them in the car taking hold.

Just walk out calmly. There's nothing saying they're here for you.

You tried to tell yourself that, but every hair on your body was standing up and your heart was racing. These guys were bad news.

The wind picked up as you stepped outside. No one followed. But your keys were locked in your car and there was no quick getaway now.

Shakily, you pulled on the door handle, hoping that maybe for once you left the door open.

Goddammit. My phone's in there too! How the fuck am I gonna get out of this one?

You looked longingly at the seat, never wishing you were a set of keys more than at this moment.

It's either pick the lock or break the window. And probably my hand.

Movement from the inside. One of the guys dressed in black was standing now. It could've just been a coincidence, but the sinking feeling wasn't going away. He walked towards the door.

Just fucking break it! Don't worry about the pain!

But you couldn't make your body move. You were frozen stiff as the door opened. Even if you wanted to turn around, you wouldn't have.

"Hey doll face. You need some help?" It almost sounded sincere and if you hadn't had a knack for sniffing out predators, it would've been convincing.

"No."

"Really? Cuz it looks like you're locked out of your car."

"I am." The only hope was that he couldn't see you shaking violently.

"A lady shouldn't be out here in this cold. You should go back inside." There was something in his tone that was unsettling. You could feel him leering at you greedily.

The fuck does he want? Not money. He would've just robbed me. There aren't a lot of other options besides kill me and kidnap me. But why me? Just keep your cool for now, Shouna. Breathe.

"I will be fine."

"You're shaking." You could feel him slowly walking closer. Closer. Way too close. He was way too close.

"I said I don't need any fucking help from you," you growled, finally finding the will to turn around. He jerked back a bit at the ferocity in your tone.

His hands are in his pockets. I don't like where this is going.

"Get. Away," you warned. The wind swirled up again, howling now.

His face went from feigned concern to intense confession. There was a malicious grin plastered across his face, almost inhuman.

"Fine. If you don't wanna play along, then I got no choice." He giggled as he pulled a knife out of his pocket.

You eyed the small knife carefully.

He can't kill me with that. He's trying to scare me with that thing. Calm down! You literally went to school for this exact kind of thing!

You knew, though, that there was a big difference between technical and practical application, and your hands didn't stop shaking. The cold was becoming unbearable, slashing at your face and legs. Your heart didn't stop beating a million miles a minute.

Your wide eyes met his nefarious ones as he spoke his next words, "come with me or die."

Your heart was beating faster than it ever had before, hands and knees shaking, eyes clouding with fear. There was nowhere for you to go, no place to run to. How had nobody noticed? Everyone inside was going about their lives like some girl wasn't about to get assaulted in a parking lot.

Keep it cool. If he was here to kill you he would've done it already.

You wished so badly to hear some whispering in the wind right about now. There wasn't a single hero in sight. There wasn't a single person in sight. Those guys were popping up everywhere you were for days and all of a sudden they were nowhere to be found?

"You won't kill me," you dared.

"Quit stalling!" His hand wrapped around your wrist tightly as he tried to pull you towards the knife. "I won't kill you, but I will hurt you."

You were twisting and kicking and doing anything to avoid feeling the knife driving into you, landing a well-placed kick below the belt.  It bought you enough time to get out of his grip and in your adrenaline-filled rush, you smashed your window out, ignoring the bright red streams down your arm and glass in your fingers.

You grabbed the key and tried to open the car door. But he pulled you by the shoulders instead.

"I don't think so!"

He braced his legs against yours and pulled your arms behind you, leaving one hand free to press the cold metal to your neck.

"Now listen to me, you have one chance to just go back inside and do what we say. Or you're gonna have to figure out how to look pretty covered in blood!" His whisper was intense in your ear, pushed through clenched teeth.

"Fuck you."

A small cut on your neck. A small pain but a lot of blood. You grunted in reaction to the metal, so cold it was hot. You were starting to get lightheaded.

"Don't make me ask again."

"You didn't ask the first time."

This time there was a deep, blinding pain as he plunged the knife into the side of your thigh. It seemed like your screams fell on deaf ears. The lightheaded feeling got worse as your vision became clouded around the edges.  

"I told you not to fuck around."

He pushed you into your car and you didn't even know bodies could bounce off of things like that. He left you stunned on the ground, mouth hung open in shock. You couldn't yell anymore, the adrenaline was taking over and you could hardly feel anything but a dull ache in your leg.

He picked you up and slung you over his shoulder.

"You stupid girl! Now you'll have to wait out here. You're covered in blood." There was nothing you could do as he walked into the alleyway with you.

"Wait here."

As if I have a choice, asshole.

He tossed you roughly to the ground. The cool air was the only thing keeping your stomach from turning as you leaned your head back against the cold metal gate.

I have my keys. If I can just get to my car before they come back, I can get out of here. But I can't get up. I'll pass out, at least.

You took a few gulps of air. "I have to get up," You groaned. "I have to get to my car."

You started crawling. You weren't really in any condition to drive, but there wasn't much choice. Crawling was proving to be too slow.

"Right," you muttered. "Right leg first." You pushed yourself up and put your right leg up, prepared to bear the weight. As you pushed up, the dark swirls began to make themselves known again. You reached hastily for the fence, nearly falling backward.

The knots in the fence grazed across your stab wound and it took everything you had to stifle the scream.

I have to get the adrenaline pumping again. I have to do something to numb the pain.

"Fuck," your breath was raggedy and erratic. "Shit. I have to go. Don't think. Don't think about it. Just do it. Just go!" You pushed off your right leg and upon landing on your left, the pain from the stab rang out against every muscle in your leg. But you weren't going to let it buckle. You were going to get out of here and let the adrenaline do the work.

It was almost a good plan. A sigh of relief burst from you as your car came into view again. But you turned your head to the door. Which was a mistake.

Your ankle twisted with the uneven surface of the asphalt, knocking you to the ground. You slid a good distance and rolled to a halt, literally just a few steps from the car.

Goddammit! Get up! Get UP!

You spent a moment yelling at yourself to move. The blood from your stab wound was pouring down your leg and your neck was pulsing.

I have to get out of here. I can't wait to see what they have planned for me. You kept having to push the thought of Bakugo showing up in the nick of time out of your head.

The door opened and the man from earlier walked up to you slowly, smirking. "You thought you were gonna run away huh? That's precious. Though I must commend how far you made it. Running on a bad leg is no fun." He kneeled down over you. "You're going to regret this,"he hissed.

All you could hear was your ragged breath hitching in your throat as he pulled out the knife again.

Fuck! What the hell am I supposed to do now?

Suddenly you heard a huge blast go off in close proximity. Your heart raced. You could only think of one reason you'd hear an explosion. The man looked in the direction of the blast and you looked up, having noticed a shadow looming on the roof.

Holy shit I've never hoped that an asshole was here more than I do now. Please for the love of god be Bakugo.

The moonlight was bright and it was easy for you to make out blonde hair and a smile filled with bloodlust cross the shadowy face above.

"Hmm,"you hummed gently, closing your eyes. "He's here." The relief washed over you.  There was no way this dude was a match for Bakugo.

"Oi, asshat."

The man turned suddenly. It was clear he recognized Bakugo too.

"I think it'd be best if you leave the girl alone."

[randaccidents]

The Plan (Part 1)

I might be on a school trip, but it don't stop me from writing! Only mobile tumblr holds power over my ability to post.

So this is The Plan. A little knight has one, will it all work out? Only time will tell.

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3

TW: panic attacks, cosmic horror

Shadow people AU and its companion Abandoned shadows AU by the lovely @mine-sara-sp.

EDIT: I RETURN TO MAKE THIS POST LOOK SHORTER

This was a stupid plan.

Standing in front of the season portal, Paladin shuddered, cape wrapped around their shoulders. This was such a terrible idea, they knew that the chances of this plan actually working was almost null. They hadn't died much after all, why would Zedaph's creepy shadow look for him?

Nonetheless, here they were. Shadoc had said that that creepy shadow had found them here, but that it had to find you first.

Standing here amongst the abandoned starter houses was giving them second thoughts however. There was no one around, which was both a blessing and a curse. Paladin was certain that if someone came around the bend right now, they would abandon the plan entirely. Yet at the same time, they wanted someone to find them, tell them that this was a horrible idea.

But no one came, not even the creepy shadow they wanted to find.

Maybe today wasn't the day they would find that shadow. They were proud, but hearing Shadoc's account had reminded them so much about their, uhm, encounter with the Vex. Their scars still burned occasionally under their custom armour.

They sighed. Maybe they should come back another day. This was taking up too much of the time that could be spent at the forge or with Avarice and Keloid. Rolling their shoulders, they unfurled their draconic cape-wings, preparing to take flight.

Where are you going, little shadow? Weren't you looking for me?

They froze, wings still open. The voice behind resonated through them, echoing and multiplying in a familiarly horrifying way. It was like Keloid, it was like Avarice, it was like the Vex, it felt right, it felt wrong. Their body shuddered and shrieked for them to move, to run, though in which direction was undecided. Their scars were burning, the rest of them was freezing. They tried to flap their wings, hoping that at least in the air the presence couldn't follow them. But something was holding them down, and the magic gave out, wings refolding to its default cape state and billowing down. They wanted to turn two dimensional, slink away in the shadows, but their armour was custom-made, not summoned with them, and they didn't want to be found with their scars. They were trapped, grounded and unable to move as the overwhelming presence behind them grew near.

You came looking for a deal, little shadow?

(̷̈́̇̓̓͌̈́̀̉̇̓̀͗D̶̢̠̬̲̱̳́̈͘͜ͅͅo̸͈̼̗̮̮̠̳̟̳͛͌̎̀͠ ̶̛̛̳̋̌́̇̃̎̈̾͒̓̋̓̋y̶͔̘̮͇̹̗͉̔ơ̷̥͙̙̰̋͑̿̐̂̑͗̓̍̉̕͝ú̴̟͓͉͕͍̯̗̥̰͉̓̀͊͋͐̅̀̇͘͝ w̸̏̌͐͌̈̀̾̋̋̐͗a̶̛̅͌͛̀̓̑͊̒̋̎̄͠n̶̛̙͔̜̪̘̝̍͐̎̅͛͊͒̃́͠ẗ̴͈̞́̈́̐́̓̿̆͠ ̶̰̳̼͕͒̈́̀́̄̓̈́̀͐͒̈͘͘ą̶̹̙͖̘̬̀̎̀̇̀͑̕͠͠ ̴̧̺͖̰̺̯͚̫̬̬̫͔͍̭̒̄̿̆̔̈́͐͌̎͆̔̕̚͝͠ḓ̸̨̛͈̠̔͋͒̈̂͛́̅̍̂̎͛͠͠e̸͛̅̓̈̚͝ả̴̭̮͉͇̜̼̩͍͇̮͓̬̐͂͘͝ļ̵̹͓̱̘̗̹̔,̴̡̛̟͎̠̮̘̘̻̯̜̩̥̅̈́̔͊́͛̐̾͗͑͜͜͝ͅ ̶͂̌̈́̓̓͛͝͝͝d̷̗͕̞̮̞̓̋͌̅̉͝͝ä̴̛̠̮͖̯̱̪͎́̾͌̈́͒́̚ȓ̷̞̤̩̟̍̽͊̽̍̀̂̂̀̉̔͠k̶̸̛̛͓͛͗̽̅͂͆͋͋̎̚͘ ơ̶̛̩͉͉̺̗̔͑̓̾͒̑̎͗́͝n̵͍̭͉̙͇̻̪͂̐͗͝͝͠e̷̢̨̡̻͉̥̥̤͈̳͓̦̾͂̒́̋̈́͑?̶̛̯͈̪̹̩̜̀̓̀̈́̏̾̆̉͗̚ͅ)̸͊̇͘͠

The next thing Paladin registered was the floor, their hands clawing at their neck, their head, their breaths coming in gasps and everything they heard was muffled.

Oh, they were having a panic attack again, weren't they?

Suddenly, there was a strong grip on their shoulder, tight but not painful. Paladin tried to jerk away from the contact, but the hand held firm. It was grounding in a way, a presence on their shoulder holding them, preventing the memories from sweeping them under. Distantly, they could hear a familiar voice counting numbers.

One, two, three, four, One, two, three, four...

Those sounded like Shadoc's numbers. Slowly, painfully, Paladin followed the count, breathe in, hold, breathe out. When they felt calm enough, they remembered the hand on their shoulder. Oh, someone had seen that episode. Embarrassed, Paladin turned to face the person behind them, ready to give an explanation for their actions.

And came face to face with themself. Except, it wasn't them. The shadow knelt before them was melting at the edges, dripping black tar onto the ground as it smiled a wide Jigsaw-like smile at them. Its stance was closer to that of Killshot's, but they held themselves with the confidence of Killjoy. It opened its mouth, and spoke with the voice of Shadoc, of Murmur, of Solo.

That phrasing isn't the best for you, I admit. Shall we try again?

And really, Paladin should be terrified. The shadow before them was alien, a frankenstein of them and the others, with a certain familiarity tugging at their mind that should have been impossible. But their mind was still pulling itself together, so it asked the most logical question it had.

"And whose shadow are you?"

The Jigsaw smile grew sharper, looking more unnatural and doll-like. Ah, I forgot. I have a theme I need to stick to so people recognise me properly. Let me introduce myself. The shape before them melted, puddling together to form a familiar shape. It looked like Merino, like Zedaph...

Something clicked into place.

"You're that creepy shadow that took Shadoc's power and boosted Killjoy and Apex!"

The shadow snapped their fingers, looking pleased. I see my reputation precedes me. You are correct. It opened its arms in a bow. I am the end-all-be-all, a world and a being, that which should not be fucked with yet always is even as I do and do not exist, the originator of shadows, all of you yet none of you, and a dramatic motherfucker if I do say so myself.

Paladin blinked at the swear. They still shivered, but the alien familiarity comforted them enough to talk back. "So what do I call you?"

The smile nearly encompassed its whole face. Call me Abyss. It's what I am after all... So why were you looking for me, little shadow?

The answer came immediately, etched deep into their bones. "I heard you were collecting an army to fight Puzzler. I want in."

Interesting. The shadow, no, the figure dripped and oozed delight, shadows reaching upwards from the ground to wrap around Paladin's feet like cats. You want to help me. You're the first to seek me out for it. Abyss stepped around Paladin, observing, stalking. Paladin wanted to turn and face it, but another tendril of something held their head in place. The figure finally circled back around, smiling. I accept. But first, some caveats.

The word might be different from what the Vex used, but the meaning was the same, and Paladin tensed up.

Don't worry, it's more like taking back what's mine. The voice was cold, sending shivers down Paladin's spine. Abyss resumed its slow circular pace around Paladin. As I am a part of every shadow and every shadow is a part of me, I know when something of mine has been intruded upon. The sharp gaze turned back to Paladin, boring into them. The Vex are inside you, a part of you. I can tell it wasn't willing, and that it happened in a time of distress. I can remove them, and then you will be wholly mine, as is my right. Do you accept?

The situation was too similar to the past, stuck in place, stuck in time, a godlike entity demanding things from them. Their breathing sped up.

But this was also different. Paladin could say no. So they grit their teeth and pushed forward, relegating their panic molotov to future Paladin instead. "And how will that be better than my current situation? At least right now I'm free, if just held down. What do you have to offer me?"

Abyss' grin was calculating, like Apex. Smart. You might not have died enough to have a power yet, but you are very clever. It opened its arms with a flourish. You don't have to do anything much for me. All I ask is that you come when I call on you to attack Puzzler. You are free to say no to anything else I ask of you. In exchange, I remove the Vex and bestow upon you a power. Is that satisfactory?

It sounded too good to be true. "Do you swear it?" Paladin asked again.

A chuckle. So cautious, I like that. Little shadow, I swear it on the cycles of the sun and moon, on the heat of the Nether, and on the never-endingness of the Void, it will be as I say.

The highest promise, to swear on the Void which swallows and devours. Paladin swallowed, nodding. "Do it. Free me from them and tie me to your side."

And so it shall be. Its hands came up to rest on either side of Paladin's head. So, this is going to hurt. A lot.

And suddenly, Paladin's head exploded into a flurry of noise, glass, bells and wing beats whipping past. They could hear screaming, voices overlapping. The Vex.

N̴̢͍̅͋̑O̵̖͑̏!̶̝̠̟̽ ̸̮̯̣͂̈T̵̗̍H̸̗͙̮͂̾̕Ȋ̸̬̳̈́͌ͅS̸͇̖͆ ̶̱͚̐I̶͎̕S̸̠̑͐̀ ̸̞̑O̵̗͕͕̊̊̀Û̵̡̩̂͝Ŗ̷͙͓̓͋ ̸̡̖̓͊͘V̴̭͚̏͠Í̴̲͕̅C��̘͆́T̵̺̱͙͊I̸̞̝̳͗̿͘M̸̛͙͕.̴̼́ ̷̰̓̓Ơ̶̛̬͈̼̎U̷͙͑̚Ŗ̷́̇S̴̱̗̓ ̴̛̯̻̲T̸̢̺̿̒Ö̴̠̫̱ ̴͈̖̳́͌͠P̶̮͙̤͝L̶̞̅̃̏A̷̺̺͚͛̋͌Ȳ̷̦̉̌ ̸̰̞́Ẅ̶͍̗͕́̈́I̷͔̅T̵̲͓̻͐̀H̶̘͖̭̃̏̒.̵̹̙́̎̕ ̵̛͖̭̋̕Ö̶̠̮U̵̟̹͌̕R̷̪̱͝Ṡ̴̙͒̌ ̷̢̯̑T̵̤̲͕̍̆Ọ̵̟̈́ ̵̹̜̿̎̚K̷̜̝͑Ẹ̶́͝È̷͔̬͌͋ͅP̵̥̘͔̐.̷̢͙̖́̄ ̵̧̡̘̎́͠G̵̘͛̊̿Ò̸̱̤͇̒ ̴̥͚̣̽̀̅Ä̸̪͖́́Ẃ̷̦̑Ă̴̤̈́Ỳ̷̺ ̷̗̄A̴̫̥̺͂N̷̫͍̍́̃ͅD̵͔̐̑̚ ̶͉͇͕̈L̸̨̨̝̈E̴͙̦̙͋̊À̷̡͇̫̄͊V̶̟̰̗̀̊É̶̦̑ ̴̲̑U̶̬̤̔̒̑ͅS̸̢̰͠ͅ ̸̨̆T̴͈̔O̴̞͗ ̶̳̺̳̔̎͝Ô̶͓͈̙͠Ǔ̸̞̘͜Ŗ̵͆ ̴͓̬̳́Ḿ̴̠̭̝I̶̹̝͌S̶̛̞͙͐Ç̶̦̓H̶͉͕͙̒̔̑Ḯ̶͎̠̹̈́E̵̛̱̗F̶̢͍̺̀̾͑.̴̫͍̕ ̵̛͔̰́Ṯ̵́͒H̶͚͔͖̋̈́́Ẽ̸̠͚Y̶̛̗̥̪̓̐ ̵̰̒̈́̃M̶̤̏A̶̫̟̪͌̾̏D̸̛͜͝E̶̮͑̎ ̵̫̍̽̒ͅÁ̷̦͆ ̶̨͇͙̃D̶͙̟̥̈́̋E̸̡̿͗͠ͅĄ̷̛̘L̴̟͓̉͗,̵̰̈́ ̸̛̦̩̣̀̂W̷̪̋̒E̶̛̳̖ ̶͇͠H̶̻̜̹͂̈́͌Ȅ̶͎̞̲͂L̴̥̋P̷̤̦̍̈́E̶̮͑̈̚D̸̹̞̣͒͝ ̵͈̐̋T̴̟͕̅H̶͖̱͊̉E̸͉̥̦͗̏M̸͔̀̽ ̸̗̣̈́M̵̡͉̜͝O̷̧̺̙̓R̴̙̝̩̔E̸͕̹̎͊,̵̢̻̮̏̚ ̸̧̖̔͘T̷͈̯̙̏̇̽H̶̲̠̖́̎̋E̸̘͝Ỳ̵̖̱͋ ̵̮̥̂̊̆O̴̡̜̲̔̓͑W̵͈̿E̷͎̅ ̵̹͘U̴̗͛̍S̶̫̥͆,̵̗͍̘̑͒ ̶̞̻̗́W̴͓̑̀̓E̶̛͕̬͓̓ ̸̺͛͠W̸͚̹̅́́İ̸̼̊L̷̛̦͙̝̽L̸̻͌ ̵̂̀͜H̶̼̥͛͆͠A̶͈͆V̸̹͍͂́E̵̯͓̲̿̔ ̶̞̜̓̓̑T̵͈̈̾̎H̶̙͔̀͒É̸͓̫͠Ḿ̵̲̋̚-̷̦̝̮͑͂̈́

Goddamn do you assholes never shut up? Fuck off!

And then there was silence. Blessed silence, an invisible noise leaving their head. Paladin slowly unhooked their fingers from where they had unconsciously grabbed Abyss. Their back felt light, an oppressive weight lifted. Twisting, they stared at the emptiness of their back. Their cape-wings were gone. They felt strangely sad at that. Keloid had been so happy when they found out that they could finally fly with Paladin. They probably just regained the ability to fear the sky again.

Check under your gauntlets. Abyss stood patiently, watching intently.

Their gauntlets? Something in them clenched tight, fearful of revealing their scars in such a public area. In a way, it was proof of their struggle, their pain. It was private and it was their secret to keep.

Don't worry so hard, no one can see us where we are. Release yourself from your own chains.

Paladin jumped at the suggestion of chains. They looked up to stare into Abyss' eyes. They wanted to be alone, but something in them trusted Abyss. Without breaking eye contact, Paladin tore off the gauntlets, not looking down.

Abyss reached forward to gently grasp their chin, tilting their head downwards. See? It's all gone. You're mine again.

And true to its word, the blue scars were gone, leaving only grey skin. Flexing their arm, Paladin realised that they didn't burn anymore. In fact, nothing did. They marveled at their scarless arms. They were free.

Now, about this transaction you were looking for.

Or at least, as free as they could be. You do not yet have a power, but you need one if you are ever going to stand up to that winged bitch. So let me ask, what do you want little shadow?

This was something Paladin was prepared for. This was something Paladin had practised in the reflection of countless polished swords as they worked. But when they spoke, only one word came out.

"Power."

The figure bent forwards unnaturally, looking as if its spine had broken. You need to clarify little shadow. There are many kinds of power  stopping time, flying, becoming a monster. But more importantly, and I repeat, what do you want?

Something sunk into Paladin's chest, pulling at the deepest part of themselves, pulling it to the surface. Against their struggles and refusal they said the words they had hidden deep to protect themself from further manipulation, torn from their mouth.

"I want power. Power to protect my family. I'm always the weak one, the damsel in distress. I want to lead, to see my enemies fall before me, my family safe behind me."

Then they wrenched free of the controlling force, hand over their mouth. That was, that had been, Paladin didn't know what to think of what had just happened. It was taking their choice away, it was probing deep into their chest for all their secrets, it was dangerous.

Abyss didn't seem to notice the emotional struggle it had left Paladin, contemplating the secret it had pried out of their chest.

I understand. You want to protect, and you want to lead. I can give you both with one power.

The shadows entwined like cats around Paladin's legs suddenly tightened, vice-like. Startled, Paladin tried to go two-dimensional, to escape the grip of the shadows. But something stopped them, wouldn't let them become any less three dimensional than they are now. They were trapped. Again.

Whatever panic they had managed to bottle exploded, scattering Paladin's mind to the corners of their awareness. They tugged at their bonds frantically, panic only increasing as the shadows curled higher and tighter the more they struggled.

The strong grip from earlier returned, as did the counting numbers.

One, two, three, four, on-

But Paladin was too far gone for that, fingers scratching slivers into their legs as they continued to struggle against bonds that had already loosened. Light yellow triangles spun away into the darkness. They heard static, speaking to them, at them, in them, around them, which only made them scratch harder.

Then, all of a sudden, there was nothing. Or was there something? It was all encompassing, soothing, terrifying, nothingness. The nothingness hummed, a soft old song that resonated with something deep in Paladin's chest, something that recognised the song and tried to sing along. Slowly, they relaxed into the embrace of the person holding them, tired and pained. Dimly, they could hear someone speak above them.

Shit, this is worse than I thought. What the fuck did they do to you, to hurt you so badly?

There was a hand tangled in their hair. Where had their helmet gone? It was important, it tied them together, to Avarice and Keloid and Wels-

The helmet was pushed into their chest and they grabbed it with one arm, holding it tight like a lifeline. The humming continued.

My little shadow, I will give you the power to protect, to lead and to harm. As long as you have your feet planted beneath you and your family to keep you standing, you will be able to summon an army. Any block connected through your feet shall become armour and weapons, puppetered by your own hand, and you will have power. You will no longer be a blacksmith or a knight, but a general, a True Paladin.

Paladin could feel something enter them, become a part of them yet still something that was not yet theirs. They flinched weakly, relaxing again as the hand in their hair continued its soothing strokes. Exhausted, Paladin leaned deeper into the embrace of nothingness, something akin to sleep tugging at them.

Relax little shadow, and sleep. I will wake you when you are ready to face the morning sun.

That sounded like a great suggestion to Paladin's tired mind. And so they let the embrace of the Abyss lull them to sleep, humming deep in their bones.

[deltaengineering]

winter anime 2020 part 6: it is fin(e)

Part 5 seems to have fallen into some sort of Tumblr memory hole (it’s not flagged and I know this because I have plenty of actually flagged posts, and people can see it just fine with direct links, but it doesn’t even show up in my own timeline), possibly because of screencaps of shota bulge. But that’s just Interspecies Reviewers, and I’m a honest dude with honest screencaps. You can find it here.

A3! Season Spring & Summer

Oh, P.A. Works. You never know whether you’re getting Dr. PA (Shirobako) or Mr. Works (Glasslip) with them. The last thing they did was most definitely a Mister production (since it was Fairy Gone), so maybe they’re up for some greatness again? In short, no. A3 isn’t dreadful, but it’s more reminiscent of the likes of HaruChika, so maybe an undergraduate at most. It’s more than a bit confusing but at the end of the day it seems to be about a girl that inherits a shitty theater house and now has to make the various boys that hang around in the vicinity do actor things. This is based on a mobile game of the otome persuasion and while I was sussing that out, I saw some people be very insistent that it's MOST DEFINITELY NOT A REVERSE HAREM. It must be some other genre of fiction that is all about one girl being surrounded by pretty boys all day then. Anyway, the main girl is alright, so it seems fairly watchable, but overall it’s just somewhat clunky and not of the highest quality, so I don’t think it’s for me.

ARP Backstage Pass

ARP is a boyband anime, remember those? It’s a really predictable one too - mostly just introductions of the characters, who are all the kinds of characters you might find in a boyband anime doing vaguely boybandish things. You know how these go. What’s funny though is how it looks, which is to say it looks painfully cheap. Not that that’s rare for boyband cash-in anime (I’ve covered the topic extensively), but ARP is unusual in that it has above average looking CG performance sequences too. In the end this makes it look like they had these fairly okay CG music videos already and thought “I know a guy, we’ll pay him 10bux and have him bang out some flimsy connective animation and then we can pretend we have a TV show.” A+ hustle if true.

Dorohedoro

The manga Dorohedoro is a fairly known quantity, and that’s a good thing too because fuck me if I have to explain what it is. Okay, what it IS is not hard to explain: It’s a surreal tone piece defined by a grimy punk-on-acid aesthetic and an irreverent and dark comedic tone mostly based on ultraviolence - what’s hard (and tedious, and beside the point) is to explain the narrative content, so I won’t. The line between lolrandom nonsense and on-point surrealism is very thin, and you need a ton of style to pull the latter off convincingly. Dorohedoro definitely manages to make it work so far, and the only thing I don’t like as far as style is concerned is that they do the main characters in CG. It’s not bad CG, but this is a show that’s particularly good-looking otherwise so it’s still a step down - though CG tends to hold up better when the looks deteriorate over the season, and MAPPA aren’t the most solid in that regard. Hey, at least with them you can count on a ballin’ OP and Dorohedoro definitely comes with one of those. It still makes very little sense, and going by the opinions of people who read it, this won’t change in the foreseeable future or possibly ever. As long as it keeps the style and the quirkiness coming, I don’t really mind.

Kyokou Suiri / In/Spectre

So I was pretty positive on the first episode of In/Spectre, in particular the way it escalates from people sitting on a bench talking about nothing to youkai hunt shenanigans. I also liked the main characters quite a lot and the chemistry between them even more. Still, a few doubts remained - it wasn’t very visually appealing, it’s obviously based on a very talky novel, and what it eventually ended up revealing is that it’s essentially just some modern edgy version of Gegege no Kitarou or the many, MANY imitators thereof. But so far, so good, seems like a winner.

Then I got to episode 2 and it was so excruciatingly bad that I dropped the whole show 20 minutes in because I couldn’t take it anymore. Episode 2 is 5 minutes of very stilted characters banter, followed by, no joke, 15 solid minutes of Kotoko reading a newspaper to a snake. It’s not particularly relevant or interesting news items either - apparently Exposition Shinbun does gangbusters in this universe. The lame direction doesn’t help with any of this, in the end it was the director of Endride after all. With my professional duty already fulfilled by this point and an episode that is a contender for worst episode of the season so far, I ain’t got time for this shit.

Natsunagu

Natsunagu is a short whose unique selling point is, and I quote, “the first over-the-air television anime produced by a local government that lasts one quarter of a year.” Thanks, Kumamoto Prefecture, that’s exactly my strike zone right there. Apart from that bit of hilarity, it’s quite alright I guess. There isn’t much to the first episode because it’s all of 3 minutes long and barely establishes the concept (girl goes to Kumamoto to find an internet acquaintance), but it looks nice and it has a smooth tone that goes down easy. Might just watch it to be able to say I did.

Runway de Waratte

Runway de Waratte is about a girl who wants to become a super, nay, hypermodel but is overly short, and a guy who wants to become a fashion designer but isn’t an asshole. You know, I’ve had some luck with fashion-based anime before, but Runway de Waratte is no Paradise Kiss. There, I said it. It doesn’t even have a Franz Ferdinand ED! Runway de Waratte is the most basic shounen take on the same material; while Paradise Kiss was about a bunch of weirdos and outcasts, this right here is about a rich girl who’s mad that she’s too short to get everything she wants for free, but makes up for it with trademark assertive shounen enthusiasm. Designerman is, of course, the sensitive type and the show thinks that makes it say something about gender roles, which is just adorable. Runway is also very peculiarly paced, to the degree that I’d say it does border on just plain badly written - there is so much time spent on establishing the characters in a vacuum (and they’re hardly complex), only to rush through the part where things actually start to happen during the end credits. And it’s a bizarre coincidence plot too. This is another show that isn’t fundamentally busted and borderline watchable, but would simply have to be significantly better for me to give it more chances.

Rikei ga Koi ni Ochita no de Shoumei shitemita

As someone who has been known to post charts about zettai ryouiki golden ratios and whatnot to social media with the comment “SCIENCE, BITCH”, I can’t really complain about this comedy in which science people attempt to get into romance but can only do so scientifically, graphs about chingrab angles etc included. Furthermore, I also think it’s more funny than not. Don’t expect too much from it, and in particularly don’t expect a show about ostensibly clever people to actually be clever itself. But I have an opinion about spicy romances between people trying to one-up each other, see #1 on this list for details. Of course, RgKnOndSs is nowhere near as good as Kaguya-sama, since it’s far more pedestrian and predictable, and it has some aspects that outright stink too; in particular, the obligatory interlude where science bear appears to badly explain some superficial science concepts is an annoying waste of time every time. Less bad but still not good are scientists #4 and #5, because they’re just very tired otaku clichees that I’ve seen a million times before. The main pair isn’t any less stereotypical, but at least a romantic comedy about them is news to me (no, fucking Steins;Gate does not count and even if it did, Okabe and Chris are tremendously unlikeable jerks with negative chemistry), and rounding out the cast is common sense girl that has common sense, which is probably necessary but not exactly innovative. In the end, this is a very minor production in all aspects, but Himuro’s incredibly dumb/adorable ponytail wag makes it worth watching. Q.E.D.

[radioactivepeasant]

Fic Prompts: Star Wars Wednesday

(Another part of the Teen Sleuth Leia Organa au, provided Tumblr mobile doesn't eat it. Which is why I'm posting it early)

Most who encountered Darth Vader found him unsettling and offputting, to say the least. His harsh, mechanical breathing and the blinking lights across his chest felt like a bizarre juxtaposition between life and death to some. But at that moment, to Leia, they were almost a comfort.

She picked herself up off the hard-packed dirt and felt around for her blaster.

Her hand touched something smooth and rounded -- most assuredly not her blaster -- and a sudden flash of stale pain and panic lanced through her mind.

Don't put me down here!

What is that?

No! Get away!

Leia jerked upright in an unconscious attempt to get away from the sensation. She backed towards the only other living being in the chamber and her hand brushed against his gauntlet by chance.

Anger

Hatred

Sorrow

Loss

Pain

Pain

Pain

Pain!

Vader's hand closed around her arm and shoved her away roughly. Leia stumbled over the object she'd touched before and hit the ground.

"Never do that again," Vader snarled. Leia could hear the creak of his gloves as he clenched his fists. "I am not obligated to return you alive."

Chest heaving, Leia stared up at the lights.

"I didn't mean to do...whatever I did," she protested in a shaking voice. "I just...there's bones. Someone died here."

For a few minutes, Vader was disturbingly quiet. Then something touched Leia's mind. It felt like all the times she'd "read" a place or an object, but this time someone was reading her. She'd never been easy to read, she'd been told. But what she had sensed from Darth Vader had shaken her more than expected, and when she imagined the wall of mirrors around her thoughts that she usually thought of, it took her longer than usual.

"What did you see?" the Sith demanded.

Leia swallowed hard and stood on suddenly shaky legs. "Just...images, really," she whispered, "Feelings."

Vader took a step forward. "You will never speak of this to any living soul," he warned.

That was strange. Why hadn't he killed her? Vader had killed men for far less. She had touched his mind, seen under his mask, in a sense. She could not be allowed to walk away with these secrets. She was a threat, and she needed to be eliminated. She was...scared. And angry.

The princess had no idea she was using the Force, that much was clear. Nothing even close to a Jedi. But still dangerous.

Before he could examine just why he was hesitating to kill the girl -- he really didn't want to examine why he was hesitating to kill the girl who looked so much like -- he felt another presence.

The rogue Inquisitor.

"You are fortunate that we have no time to waste," Vader said. At the very least he would impress upon his unwanted companion just how close to death she had come. That would suffice, wouldn't it?

He turned away and ignited his lightsaber.

A second life sign moved into his range, slow and shuffling. Behind him, Leia searched for her blaster.

"There are bones on the floor," she whispered.

Somehow, that seemed more significant now.

[supernaturallyobsessedchic]

Junkie

Pairing: Dean x reader

Warning: Demon blood addiction, angst, fluffy end, first fic ever written for on Tumblr,

Summary: Dean’s a demon, and the reader just wants to be the best hunter there is. Demon Dean knows the fix for that.

Word Count: 2,018

a/n: Told entirely in the first person. Edited it a bit, added some more content.

Masterlist

Mobile Masterlist

~

Time was getting tough between me and the Winchester’s. Feels were raging, or was it hormones. I couldn’t take Dean’s asshole attitude, being a dick ninety percent of the time. When they slept I left a note for each of them explaining myself. Didn’t hear from them, I took it that they really didn’t want me, confirming not only Dean’s attitude, but Sam’s. That was months ago.

My phone vibrated and vibrated, indicating to me either my alarm was going off or I was getting a call. Sam was calling me. A pit in my gut says something’s wrong. He never calls me. Even when we were hunting together, when Sam called, something happened to Dean.

“Hello?”

“Y/N?” Sam sounded lost, broken on the other end.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay? How’s Dean?” I asked rapid fire.

“I’m fine, Dean died a few days ago and now…” he paused. What? Dean died?

“He,” I began. My eyes stung, tears surfacing.

“He’s alive, don’t know why but he’s a demon.” He stated.

“A demon but, the tattoo you guys have.” I said, almost asking a question in that.

“I know, not sure if it’s intact. It could be the mark.” He said. The mark?

“You might have to get me up to speed on what you guys have been doing, what mark?” I asked.

“The Mark of Cain.” He said.

The next half hour was him saying he got the mark from Cain himself, on a mission to kill Abaddon. Now they were on a mission to kill Metatron, but Metatron killed Dean in the process. Now he’s a demon, doing god knows what.

“I’ll be on the lookout Sam.” I said.

“So, you’re not coming back, I know he can be a dick but, it’s Dean. It just takes him a while to warm up.” he tried to beg me back. It might have worked.

“I’ll have to think about it Sam,” I told him. Hesitant maybe at the thought of getting back with them. “I might, this hunting solo thing, it’s tough.” I said.

“I know, Dean did it for a while before he found me. Not sure how he got by, but I know we can save him. It was something I learned from the trials.” He said.

“The demon cure? Sam, what are the chances it would work and it not working?” I asked. There was that chance it could work.

“Never know until we try, we have to find him first.” He said.

“Like I said, I’ll keep an eye out.” I said.

After assuring him I’m fine right now, and I’d call him if I found him. Knowing Dean, not only making the search for him my top priority, I searched every bar with in a 50 mile radius.

I came across one, just by accident. I was done for the day, got a room down the road just needed a drink to unwind and relax.

“Hello Ferret.” A familiar brit or scot whatever.

“Crowley,” I say, meeting his gaze.

“And why do you give me that nickname, I’m not a ferret.” I whine.

“Would you rather I call you a rabbit?” he asked.

“Yes, rabbits are cuter, and they’re not mean.” I said.

“What brings you here?” he asked.

“Finishing up a long hunt, needed a drink. Now leave.” I asked, as the bartender brought me my drink, whisky on rocks.

And then I sensed someone sitting next to me, a little too close.

“Not interested.” I said coldly.

“Not even for an old friend.” It was Dean.

“An old dick ass of a friend.” I said harshly.

“I deserved that.” He said, stating the obvious.

Taking a sip of my drink. “What do you want Dean?” I asked coldly.

“Did Sam send you?” he asked.

“No, I was working a salt and burn nearby. Happened upon some witches at the same time, putting an undead asshole to rest, I’m exhausted. And I just want to unwind, and be left alone.” I said, lying at the same time. There was no witch.

“Tired of feeling exhausted all the time?” he asked. “Feel like you’ve lost that drive.” He adds.

“Doesn’t everyone?” I asked. “And you’re sounding like a, Viagra commercial or something.” I added.

He just smiles, clearly up to something. And gets up to leave. But I follow behind, leaving my payment for my drink on the table. In an alleyway, Crowley was there and did some spell that forced my feet to remain glued. I couldn’t move. Dean turns around, holding a small vial. It had dark liquid. I could only assume it’s his blood, his demon blood.

He starts walking up to me. “You’ll be a hunting machine; you’ll never be tired again. kill all the bad and not need a break.” He pitched.

“Sounds tempting, but pass. Sam nearly died when we tried to detox him off of demon blood. I’m not going down that stupid path.” I said.

“Oh, but my blood’s different than Ruby’s sweetheart.” He says. And he is close, he pulls the lid off.

“And you’re going to try it, one way or another.” He says.

Closing the distance, grabs my hair jerking my head back. The sudden sting of pain I gasped; he forced the red metallic tasting liquid through my lips. Once the vial was empty, he forced my jaw shut, forcing me to swallow. But I hold the liquid. I heard him groan in frustration, firm fingers stroking almost harshly on neck, forcing the muscles to relax and swallow.

The taste, was awful but the effects. Hearing became so keen. All the senses became keen. I smelled EVERYTHING. Heard everything to the fine pitter patter of his heartbeat. My head began to spin at the new senses.

“The high will last a bit, keep you busy for a while.” He said.

My gaze zeroed in on an individual. I saw fangs drawn; it was an alleyway across the main road from me. A vampire drinking from his next victim.

I sprint, faster than how I normally would run. Almost inhuman. And I grab him by the throat, throwing him away from the girl who dropped nearly lifeless, her heartbeat beating faintly. I took out my machete I keep on me, under my shirt on my back. And I behead him right then and there. Burning his body in an empty dumpster, I take the girl to the ER. And I call Sam, telling him I found Dean only for the phone to answer to some dude named Cole. He’s looking for Dean, for revenge.

“You don’t wanna do that, he’s not exactly,” I began only for him to cut me off.

“I don’t care, he killed my father, I vowed revenge.” He yelled.

“Fine, but it’s your funeral.” I said, hanging up. Now I have to warn Dean.

I think I’m still on my high, because I can smell him. I remember his smell, his scent. But he knew right away I was there at the bar.

“Can’t get enough sweetheart.” He says coyly. A smirk followed.

“Someone is after you, not Sam, a dude named Cole.” I said.

“Let him come, it’ll be his funeral.” He says.

“Already did, just don’t kill him.” I say.

“He your boyfriend or something.” He says.

“No, humility, I have a heart and soul. He’s just a hurting human, out for revenge for his father.” I explained bluntly.

He takes a drink from his beer. “You want more?” he asked.

“My head is starting to split in two, I feel sick. If this is the withdraw, yes. I want more.” I said.

He chuckles. “You give in too easily, meet me at your motel room.” He said.

 He was true to his motive. I had gotten out of the shower, and tried to sleep but the pain, vertigo and the sick feeling would not subside. I sat on the edge of the bed, massaging my temples.

I felt the bed dip beside me.

“Ready for another hit sweetheart?” he asked, holding up his wrist, and in his hand a regular pocketknife. “Gotta be quick before I heal.” He says, bringing the blade across his flesh. And I see the blood ooze freely from the cut.

I tried to resist it. Turning my head away, but he just eggs it on. Holding his wrist closer to my lips. I felt the warm liquid touch my lips. Tasting the metallic flavor on my tongue. I was hooked.

My lips latched on; I began to suck on his wound. Feeling the liquid pouring into my mouth. I held his wrist close. At the same moment, tears began to sneak through my closed eyes.

I could feel him petting my hair, soothing me.

“That’s it my little junkie. Drink up.” he says.

What turned into two, turned into four, six then too many to keep track of. But once Sam found Dean, cured him I still tried to hide the fact that I’m going through withdraw.

It was the same night he was cured; I hadn’t had a hit of demon blood since Dean was cured, even days before then. I wanted to get off of it before I was in too deep. I tried to convince myself I could do this on my own. I didn’t need help. I even tried hiding it from the guys.

I think the dead giveaway was I was sweating, shaky, irritable.

I sat in my room on my bed, dead center of it with my knees hugged at my chest. My door opens with a loud thud. Sam walks in, angry yet concerned Dean right behind.

“You drank demon blood!” he shouted.

“I was going to tell you; thought I could do this myself.” I said. Bringing my head to my knees.

“We could have helped you.” Sam continued to shout. Dean placed a hand on his shoulder, calming him or attempting to.

“We’ve been through this before. We can help.” Dean says.

“It’s so bad, my ears are ringing, it’s so bad I can barely hear you. My head wants to split in two, the smells burn my nose and the light hurts my eyes. I can’t take it anymore.” I cried, placing hands on my ears, cradling my head.

“Y/N,” Sam says softly. “It’s withdraw, it’s going to be bad for a few days, maybe a week, depending on how much Dean gave you.” Sam explains, kneeling next to the bed.

“In the meantime, we’re going to have you in the dungeon while you go through the worst of it.” Sam adds.

“Am I dangerous?” I asked looking up at Sam, tears in my eyes at the fear of what is happening to me.

“No, well maybe. We don’t know how you’ll be during this. I know when I was going through it I had to be strapped to the bed.” Sam says.

“I just want to get better.” I cried. Bringing my head back down to my knees. I felt the bed dip. A familiar smell. Dean.

“You will, with our help you’ll get better.” Dean says, placing a strong arm around me hugging me from the side. I hug back, wrapping my arms around his waist.

“This is going to be a hard road, it’ll seem long, but we’ll be there for you to lean on. Give you a little push, but you will get better. Just got to keep on fighting sweetheart.” Dean says. I nod in his chest.

“I just wanted to be a better hunter. I wanted to find you all the same. I was tired of how weak I was, how easily tired I got, how easy it was to catch me, to hurt me.” I continued.

“Sweetheart, you’re better than any of us. And you’re going to get through this, because you’re a badass. You’re strong. But once you come out of the other side of this, you’ll be even stronger. Trust me.” Dean continues, rubbing my arm and shoulder in the hug.

“Come on, let’s do this.” Dean says, getting up. Leading me to the dungeon where I was going to fight for a better me.

Let me know what you think reblog/ask, feedback is fuel for success and better fics for all creators. ps, sorry for the long delay. had a rough week. :)

~

Dean tags:

@pandazombie69, @luci-in-trenchcoats​, @supernatural-jackles, @becs-bunker, @mlovesstories, @winchesters-favorite-girl

~

[A/N: Any fic made by me is mine, please do not copy and paste my stories. All characters belong to Supernatural and that belongs to CW and creator Eric Krepke, this is purely fiction. Don’t steal/copy and paste. Plus Copying and reposting someone else’s content is plagiarism and illegal. This work is property of supernaturallyobsessedchic. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. These works contain material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of these works may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher. An electronic reference link to the original posted work may be provided for purposes of promotion or assistance of publication by the readers discretion, if proper credits are given to the author in the re-post. 10/3/2020]

[siempre-bucky]

Basically a Hallmark Movie|5|

Royal!Sebastian Stan x Reader

Summary:  When the photographer reader is made to go to the country of Romania to see and photograph the coronation of the future king, Prince Sebastian, she must overcome her Grinch-like attitude. All before Christmas.

A/N: So excited to pick this story back up with all the Christmas excitement!!! With the Tumblr purge happening and with the threat of this not being shown in the tags I will not be linking to the previous chapters or the Series Masterlist! You can find it on my blog! It’s linked for the desktop and you can search ‘masterlist’ on mobile!!!! TAGLIST OPEN! Enjoy :)

“What is this about?” Sebastian questions as Anastasia as she leads him into her office Anastasia huffs and sits in her comfortable chair. She pulls out a large black book with the families royal crest engraved into the leather, the bearded man’s never seen that before.

“The ball Sebastian it’s a royal family tradition,” she reminds him as she flips to a page, her tone reeks of distaste.

“And I’ve skipped it for the past 12,” he responds with a satisfied smile before sitting down on the couch beside the window. He looks out at the snow as she continues to blabber how it’s important. His eyes boredly shift to the snow Y/N left her imprint on causing him to laugh at the fast its still there.

“Are you listening?”

“No.”

She growls and places her hands on the table, her red nails threatened to dig marks into the nice wood “I need you to focus,” she demands, her neatly drawn eyebrows furrow together in anger, the red in her cheeks making her red blush blend together.

Sebastian laughs at her reaction, he and his father would love to make Anastasia angry even if it angered his mother “Ok, ok, I promise,” he sits up in his chair and places his hands over his lap, poised as a future king should be.

Anastasia clears her throat and stares down at the plans on the embossed paper “This years charity will be the Bucharest Orphanage, all money raised will be given to the shelter for their yearly needs.”

“What about Christmas?” he interrupts.

“It’s not in the budget.”

Sebastian frowned “Not in the budget?” he questioned her with a low growl.

“They have just enough for food and necessities,” Anastasia matched his tone which commenced a staredown between the two royals. Sebastian hated playing the rank card, it made him feel like one of those snobbish jerks that shoved their ranks in people’s faces and that just wasn’t him. Yet this was Anastasia and it was fine!

“Need I remind you that I’m going to be your king in a matter of days, Scarlett will set up a tour of the orphanage for me tomorrow and I will evaluate the amount of decoration and presents needed,” he informs her through gritted teeth.

“Fine,” she spats, getting up quickly and storming off, a strand of curses escaping her lips. With a slam of the door, Sebastian smirks, pleased with himself. He pulls out his phone and sends a quick text to Scarlett to meet him at the entrance, he shoves in back in his pocket and walks out the door admiring the Christmas decorations on the way.

“Your Highness, are you sure you want to be out in the cold before the ball?” Scarlett asks, looking down at her tablet when she sees him arrive. Sebastian grunts to himself, grumpy at the fact that another person wasn’t wanting him to participate in the Christmas spirit. Scarlett looks up and him and sees the angered expression on his face, immediately regretting her questioning. “I-uh, I will talk to Mrs. Saldana about your visit.”

“That’s better,” he laughs, examining the room. His eyes look forward and instantly smiles at the Tree Y/N finished, chuckling at the fact all the ornaments were towards the bottom and so close together.

“Sebastian,” Scarlett pokes his arm with her pen.

“Hmm?”

“Would you like to take someone from the press?” Scarlett knew the future king was developing feelings for the photographer, it was her rightful duty to force them on an outing.

“No. No press.”

“What about Y/N L/N?” He instantly perks up, hiding the smile by keeping his head low. He was taking the bait!

“Well I guess the orphanage could use the press,” Sebastian responded, taking another look at the tree.

The blonde woman smiled “Good, the camera I ordered for her was delivered a little earlier. You should ask her.”

“But her ankle.”

“She’ll be fine. Go!”

Sebastian took the hint and found the package, he thought of wrapping it but remembered her displeasure when she saw Christmas decorations, the plain Amazon box will have to do. He arrived at her door and paused suddenly. But why? His hands were scared to knock on the door, holding onto the brown box for dear life. His heart was racing, but he’d only just met her, he pushes the feelings aside and knocks loudly at the door. While he waits he shifts on the balls of his feet until he hears the door start to open.

Y/N’s face looks up in slight surprise, not thinking the king to be would be standing at her door “Prince Sebastian,” she greets with a smile.

“Just Sebastian please,” he kindly corrects her. She shyly nods and leans against the doorframe while nervously playing with her pink sweater.

“What brings you to my door?” she asks.

“Your new camera arrived,” he tells her, handing out the box. Her eyes light up when she takes the box in her hands itching to pry it open and play with it. Y/N fights the urge and holds it in front of her as he speaks “I’m visiting the orphanage in town and I am in need of a photographer…would you be interested?”

“Yes!” she nearly shouts from the excitement. The smile that emerges from his face makes her knees go weak, she’d pay good money to see that every day. “I-I mean I would be honored to take the photos.”

“Great, the car will be ready at 8, I’ll send Scarlett to get you,” he wasted no time in rushes away from her, leaving Y/N slightly confused.

She shuts the door behind her and grinned stupidly to herself, hobbling back to the bed where she would finally play with the new camera. “Hey Google,” she speaks, “call dad,” she tells her phone as she opens the box.

“Hi honey how’s Romania?” he asks excitedly when he picks up.

“Its fine, the uh country takes Christmas seriously. The Prince is like the king of Christmas.”

“Maybe it’s time for you to like Christmas again Y/N.”

Y/N shrugs her shoulders and inspects the heavy camera “No, its fine,” she dismisses his comments.

“You mom would be disappointed in you, you know how much she loved Christmas.”

“Damnit,” she whispers to herself, she knew he was right. “Yeah I know,” she answers sadly.

“Just give it a chance, have fun Y/N, I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Alright, love you.”

“Love you too!” she hangs up the phone and leans back against the headboard, staring the Christmas tree in the corner. She turned on the camera and took a picture of it, reminding herself to thank Sebastian tomorrow for it…now, what was she going to wear for the event!

The next morning Sebastian stood outside the palace, rubbing his gloved hands together as he waited for Y/N to be escorted down “Nervous?” Scarlet asks, a smirk painted on her lips.

“No, I love children,” Sebastian answers unamused.

Scarlett points her pen to the stairs, making him look at Paul helping Y/N down the narrow steps. She stood out in a bright red pea coat, black pants, black flats, white gloves all brought together by a sturdy ankle brace “That’s what I meant.”

Sebastian didn’t respond to her, instead, he was rushing to the base of the stairs to take her hand “Thank you, Paul,” he thanks as he leads Y/N to the car. “How’s your ankle?”

Y/N smiles and holds on tightly, afraid of slipping on the ice “Better. Took some Advil so I’m ready.” He hums in response and smiling down at her while she looks forward, he’s thankful she couldn’t see the smile. She looked up to catch him staring, he didn’t shy away like he normally would but instead got lost in the moment.

“Your Highness, we need to leave,” Scarlett interjects, interrupting the moment even though she liked seeing the prince happy. It’s been a while since he’s smiled like that, the loss of his parents and a lost love took a toll on the man.

“R-right, will you sit in the back with me?”

Y/N blushes and nods “Sure.”

The orphanage was a large brick building in the middle of town, covered with glistening white snow that fell during the cold night. The excited crowd gathered as the luxurious black car with the gold trimmed Romanian flags pulled around to the front, pulling their photos out to document the occasion. “There’s a lot of people,” Y/N commented, tapping her fingers on her camera.

“I’m used to it…don’t you cover things like this?” Sebastian questions, waiting for the driver to open their doors.

“Yeah but never an international event let alone royal one.” When the doors open Y/N quietly thanks the driver and carefully steps out.

“Hey,” Sebastian calls from the other side of the car.

“What?”

Sebastian gives her a reassuring smile along with a nod “You’ll be great. Just think, all the other reporters at the palace would kill to do this.” Y/N nods in agreement, poking out her bottom lip. She watches him happily walk over to the crowd that lined up to greet him, the smile on his face when he hugs the kids and shook hands with the adults couldn’t be beaten.

It warmed Y/N’s heart, she blamed the butterflies in her stomach on the holiday season of course. The sight in front of her almost made her forget her job, she raised the camera and started taking pictures of the prince. Following far behind him, taking as many photos as she could the warmth of the orphanage was a nice relief.

The prince's face fell, the inside looked so dull compared to the festive décor on the outside. The children remained cheerful as they played with the rundown toys, a Christmas movie playing on the television. “Your Highness, this is Zoe Saldana, she is in charge of the orphanage,” Scarlett introduced as they approached a woman sitting with the children. Mrs. Saldana greeted with a small curtsey and held her hand out.

“Thank you so much for having me on such short notice, ” Sebastian shook her hand kindly and looked around.

“It was no problem, we’re very happy you’re here,” she thanked him.

Sebastian walked around and evaluated the building, there was no question they were in need of help. Things were leaking and the heating was about to give out, Zoe told him how they live ration to ration, thankful for the few donations they receive. It truly broke his heart, the kids had no idea what was going on or what the adults were worried about. They were just focused on getting adopted and being children, he just wanted to make their lives a little easier.

“I have to admit there’s another reason I’m here,” he admits lowly not wanting little ears to hear.

“What’s that?” the woman asks, matching his tone.

“I know the ball we’re having tonight is to help with funds, but it was brought to my attention you have nothing left over for Christmas.” Zoe’s face grows sad, they only had one true Christmas when they first opened and they only had a few children.

“Unfortunately that’s true.”

“I will not let that happen again, I’m personally giving you all the décor and presents for a Christmas they won’t forget.”

Zoe chokes on her words but finally manages a sentence “I would be forever grateful.” They shake on the agreement and turn their attention to Y/N and Scarlett in the corner waiting for them to be done. “Are you dating her?”

Sebastian coughs, choking on air “I-I uh no, no,” he wheezes.

“I’m sorry I assumed, you’ve been staring at each other this whole time. Maybe take her as your date?” Zoe curtseyed one last time and walked away, leaving Sebastian with his thoughts. Scarlett looks at him concerned and rushes over, placing her hand on his back.

“Are you alright?”

“Y-Yeah I’m fine,” Sebastian answers, taking in short breathes. Scarlett pulls away and placed her hand back on her iPad. He finally calmed himself and started walking towards the car Y/N going into the car first.

“You were incredible,” Y/N comments happily, flipping through the photos that showed him playing with the kids. Sebastian looked over and smiled, she was extremely talented he was instantly impressed with her work. Their faces got closer as they gravitated towards the small screen on the camera, they both looked up at each other.  He took the plunge as he continued to stare at her and the pink flush that formed on her cheeks due to the cold “Would you like to go to the ball with me tonight?”

She moved away from him and laughed “I would be happy to take the photos.”

“I-I wasn’t talking about photography. Will you be my date?”

“Date?”

“Yes?”

“I’ve never been to a ball before.”

He leaned back against the seat and turned his head towards her “I’ve skipped it for the last 12 years, I basically don’t know what I’m doing,” he jokes, making her laugh in response.

“Sure, yeah why not.”

“So that’s a yes?”

“Yes. Prince Sebastian, I will be your date to the ball.”

Taglist: if your name is italic it means Tumblr won’t let me tag you, I’m so sorry

@thatnikkixx @heimdoodle  @goofygooberr @dxftprettyboys @yeeterbenjaminparker @fandom-addict-aesthetics @inmyworstlies @where-karina-gets-lost @mizz-kraziii @scarletthornrose @marvelousmendess @xxxxnatasha @dorkyallen  @petersunderroos @shut-it-tinman  @captain-maaarvel  @5secondsof-beforeyouexit @niallandsebastianaremylife @iamwarrenspeace @lame-lozer  @libbymouse @hadesgirl1015   @a-kiddo-with-a-doggo  @dragoste-lunes @imaginesofdreams @captainradicalpassion @the-nargles-made-me-do-it @likes-to-smell-books @sebastianstanandremuslupin @inlovewith3 @iamariotgrrl  @ynough @xceafh 

[hystericalrogertaylor]

Reconnecting (Chapter Twelve)

Pairing: Ben Hardy!Roger Taylor X Reader

Word count: 2529

Summary: (Y/n) and Roger have been friends since the cradle. When they’re suddenly pulled apart and reconnected years later, they both can tell that the relationship has evolved. They lead very different lifestyles now. Can they continue what they had, or go for something more, with this gap between them?

Warnings: A mugging (violence), cussing, drinking, mentioned sex

A/N: I did not combine the names of my two doctors to make the doctor’s name in this chapter...nope...not at all... Also, I’m sorry if the gif doesn’t move on a computer, I don’t know what’s up with it. And on mobile it may look like one big block of text but there are paragraph breaks! I’m sorry it looks so awkward, I’ll try to figure it out.

Master list

(Not linking the Spotify playlist because Tumblr’s been having issues with Spotify or something. Either way, it’s not working.)

~~~

You were struggling, mentally and physically. Mentally because your life was not where you wanted it to be and everything seemed to be going wrong. Physically because you were stumbling down the streets, trying to remember how to get home. You only realized half an hour after leaving the bar that you probably should’ve let John help you home. You were so out of it at that point, however, that you didn’t even hear the footsteps of the men behind you.

“Hey,” one of them called out threateningly. You turned around, trying to focus your vision on what was in front of you. “Give us the bag.”

“What?” you slurred, still not understanding what was happening.

“Give us your bag!” a short, angry man yelled.

“No!” You hugged your purse to your chest, backing away slowly. “No, it’s mine!”

One of the men, the tallest of the bunch, stepped forwards and grabbed one of the straps, yanking on it as hard as he could. Being drunk and weak, you lost your grip on it, falling forward onto your knees from the force of having the object yanked from your arms. One of the men kicked you in the ribs before turning tail and running away with the others.

You lay there for God knows how long, groaning in pain and trying to contain your tears. You didn’t want anyone to find you, fearing the worst could happen. Eventually, you pulled yourself up with the help of a bush, this time limping on towards your house.

When you finally arrived, you slammed the door shut and slid down the wall, finally letting out all your tears. You could feel that your ribs were bruising, and taking a breath in hurt. Not to mention you were without all of your cash, ID’s, credit cards, and key to get into the studio.

You phoned Freddie’s house about an hour later, after finally having been able to calm down. “Hello, Paul Prenter speaking, Freddie Mercury’s house,” the person on the other line said.

“Paul, I need to talk to Freddie.” You yawned, the alcohol and crazy night catching up to you.

“He’s busy, (L/n),” Paul said, clearly annoyed. “What do you want?”

“I want to talk to Freddie,” you said, slurring your words together again.

“No.” With that, Paul hung up on you.

You sighed, flopping down on the couch. The rest of the band was likely asleep, meaning you couldn’t call them for help getting into the studio tomorrow. Well, you knew Roger was most definitely not asleep, but you didn’t want him to pick up the phone in the middle of having sex with some random woman.

You decided to just go to bed; you’d figure it out in the morning. You stumbled into the bedroom, getting under the covers without even taking off your day clothes. James stirred, but you thankfully didn’t wake him.

While Roger was sharing a bed with some one night stand, you were sharing a bed with James for the first time in forever.

---

“Who was that?” Freddie asked, looking over at Paul. The two of them had gone back to Freddie and Mary’s flat after things at the bar had calmed down. They were watching a movie and getting more drunk when they got your call. Freddie and Mary had been laughing too hard at something to be able to hear Paul say your last name.

“No one.” Paul sat back down, unmuting the movie.

Freddie frowned. “Well, it couldn’t have been no one if they have my number.”

Paul rolled his eyes. “It’s no big deal, (Y/n) just wanted to tell you she’d gotten home safely.”

“All right…” Freddie was skeptical. He made a mental note to call you back once the movie was over. But he never got the chance; he passed out five minutes later.

---

Roger did end up having sex with the girl. Her name was either Amanda or Amara, he couldn’t remember. He sat at the foot of his bed, smoking a cigarette while she was fast asleep behind him. All he could think was that the experience was so unspeakably boring.

He’d done this countless times before. How many women had he brought home and done the exact same thing with? They’d want the same type of boring, everyday sex, which was fine with him at first, but now it all felt wrong. He felt like there was something better he could be doing with his time.

The entire time, he also couldn’t shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong, like there was something in his life he needed to fix. But he couldn’t pinpoint it. He only realized as he smoked that cigarette what it was. It was things with you.

He hadn’t seen you leave the bar, and the empty pit in his stomach was the anxiety he felt. He had seen you take those shots, and he knew you’d be drunk. He wanted you to be safe. He acknowledged that he’d been irrationally angry, and going and finding a woman just to spite you made him kind of an asshole. Okay, a supreme asshole. The king of the assholes.

“Rogieeeeee,” Amanda/Amara suddenly whined, drawing out the last syllable. “Rogie, come back here. Let’s do that again.” He looked back and saw her sitting up, sheets pooled around her waist, smirking.

He rolled his eyes, turning back around. “Not interested.”

She slowly crawled over to Roger, hugging him from behind, making sure one of her hands landed low on his stomach. “C’mon, babe. While the night’s still young.” She leaned her head down, biting his neck, no doubt leaving another mark.

Roger groaned, rolling his shoulder back to push her off. Amanda/Amara sat back onto the bed, letting out another whine. “Why nooooot?”

“Because I’ve got shit to fix.” Roger stood up, not even bothering to put pants or boxers back on. He flew into his living room, picking up the phone and dialing your phone number as fast as he could.

But you didn’t pick up. Because you were asleep. Roger slammed the phone down, putting his head in his hand with shame.

---

You managed to get to the studio first the next day. You wanted to be there when the next person got there, so they could let you in.

That next person ended up being John. He looked relieved to see you alive. Without mentioning last night or the way you were still limping, he unlocked the door and walked with you into the studio.

Brian came next, and then Freddie, which was strange. Freddie never arrived before the rest of the band. Where was Roger? You knew the answer, but just didn’t want to admit it.

Roger walked in almost an hour late. He had a coat on, a scarf around his neck, and a small bouquet of roses in his hand. You tried to avoid looking at him and the scarf, which you knew was covering various hickeys, but the roses caught your eye. He hovered awkwardly by the door for a few seconds before shuffling over to you. He held out the roses to you, not making eye contact. “These, um...these are for you.”

You blinked, grabbing them out of his hand. “Um, thanks. But, why?”

Roger sighed, actually looking at you now. “Because I feel bad. I was a jerk last night and you didn’t deserve to be snapped at like that.”

You smiled, setting the roses down on the couch and standing up. “How thoughtful, thank you Roger.” You opened your arms, inviting him into a hug.

He breathed a sigh of relief, wrapping his arms around you tightly. However, he squeezed in the wrong place on your back, causing your ribs to flare up with pain. You yelped, falling back into your seat with his arms still around you.

Roger took a step back, frowning. “What? What happened?”

You put a hand on your ribs, taking a few deep breaths. “Ugh, if that guy cracked my rib--”

“What?” Roger asked more insistently. “If who cracked your rib? Did James--?” The look in his eyes could kill.

“No,” you answered quickly. “No, not James. I was mugged, but I’m fine.” You slowly leaned onto the armrest, trying to ease the pain.

Roger’s eyes went wide, and he looked like he was trying not to cry. “W-when?”

“After I left the bar last night.”

Roger nodded, pressing his lips together. “Are you hurt anywhere else?”

“Just my dignity.” You tried to laugh, but Roger didn’t want to play along.

“Guys, I’m taking (Y/n) to the hospital,” Roger stated to everyone else, reaching out a hand to help you up.

You chuckled. “Rog, I’m fine, trust me. I’m not in too much pain if I don’t mess with it. Or shower.”

“Remember when we both broke our arms when I fell out of that tree?” Roger asked suddenly.

“Um...yeah?”

“You ran for help, even when you were in excruciating pain. You helped me. And now it’s about time I helped you.” He grabbed your hand, giving it a comforting squeeze.

“Awww, how adorable!” Freddie practically squealed from the corner of the room, a large, toothy smile on his face. You smiled while Roger rolled his eyes at Freddie’s antics.

Roger helped you off the couch and assisted you out into the parking lot. The two of you took his car to the nearest emergency room. He helped you into the building, because the pain had slowly gotten worse since you’d gotten up that morning. You checked in, told the receptionist the problem, and waited for a tech to call you back for a CT scan and X-ray.

Your best friend stayed with you the whole time. He stood off to the side, with a heavy shawl draped over his whole body to protect from radiation, as you got the X-ray, and stood right next to you, in a similar heavy garment, talking to you soothingly while you were sent into a large donut for the CT scan. You felt a million times better with him there next to you.

You and Roger waited in an exam room for what felt like forever. Finally, a doctor named Dr. Hinton came in, holding the results of your X-ray and CT scan.

“The X-ray didn’t show us anything,” he explained, “which is a good sign, it means nothing is seriously broken. The CT scan, however, showed us a couple of fractures. Nothing terrible, but you’ll still need to treat it. We recommend some pain meds and icing the area as much as you can. Does it hurt to breathe?” You nodded. “Okay, well, you can’t be afraid to breathe deeply. You need to do that so your lungs don’t get weaker, you could get pneumonia. Try not to do too many strenuous things, you could make the injury worse. Come back and see me in a week.”

You and Roger then took a trip to the local drug stores to get one of those ice bags people use in cartoons when they injure themselves, and then to a grocery store for a large bag of ice. Roger filled the ice pack in the parking lot before gently placing it on your abdomen area. “There,” he whispers. “Feel good?”

You nodded, putting your hand over Roger’s and holding the ice pack in place. “Thank you so much for helping me,” you said, looking up at him.

He gave you a sad smile. “My pleasure. I’m sorry I acted like a dick last night. I just...need to learn to control my temper.”

“Took you twenty-six years to figure that out?” you joked, nudging him in the arm with your other fist.

Roger nodded, trying not to laugh. “Yeah, you’d think I would’ve gotten it before this.” He moved his hand to your face, kneeling down so he could be more level with you. “You know I care about you, right? I know I can be a whiny little bitch at times, but I’ll always be there for you when you need me.”

You smiled, grabbing his hand and holding it. “I know, Rog. And I greatly appreciate you and everything you’ve ever done for me.”

Roger sighed, pulling his hand away and going to sit in the driver’s seat of his car. He started the engine, driving off towards his house.

---

The two of you sat on Roger’s couch, cuddled up together, watching a movie while you iced your rib. You couldn’t help but wonder, as you sat there happy as could be, if this could be your life. He’d kissed you, you could tell he had feelings for you. But could you actually date a person like Roger Taylor?

“Hey Roger?” you asked.

“What’s up?” he responded, suddenly more alert. “Do you need more ice? Are you in pain?”

“No, I’m fine.” You slowly repositioned yourself so you could see his face. “I was just wondering...just...what am I to you?”

Roger blinked, as if he didn’t understand the question. “Well, you’re my best friend.”

“No, but...do you want me to be more to you?” When he still looked confused, you kept talking. “I mean, we kissed at that bar the other night, I was wondering if that meant you wanted a different kind of relationship with me.”

Roger thought about it for a second. “I mean, that sounds nice, but you know I’m not stellar at dating.”

“I know,” you answered. “But, if you really like me in that way, then maybe you’d be more willing to try?”

Roger sighed. “Probably not,” he admitted.

You felt like you’d been punched in the gut. “But...why not?”

You could tell he was getting agitated. “I don’t know! Because...ugh. I’m too rowdy for you. I party too hard and have too much sex and drink and smoke too much, while you’d rather stay home and drink some warm tea and read a book. We weren’t meant for each other.”

You blinked your tears away. “Roger, that’s crazy. If we both like each other, we should be making an effort to see if we could make a relationship work!”

Roger shook his head. “There’s no point. Eventually, you’re going to get tired of having a boyfriend who comes home at four in the morning, drunk and horny, all the fucking time.”

“Better than what I’m dealing with now!” you shouted. As the shock registered on Roger’s face, you tried to smooth over what you’d just said. “Let’s not fight, we just made up. Let’s just watch the movie. Forget I said anything.”

Roger looked like he was going to blow up again. He sat back, taking several deep breaths. “Do you want to stay over tonight?” he asked suddenly.

You sighed, leaning over onto him again. “Yeah,” you breathed. “I suppose.”

The two of you sat in silence. The movie played, but neither of you were interested. He was busy thinking about how he’d just fucked up, and you were too busy scolding yourself for having such a foolish dream of a life with Roger.

Taglist:

@thessxoxo @roger-bang-the-drum @slavsher  @sabbrriiinnaa  @i-ship-it-ironically @blissfully-queen@oyoke@borhapqueen92@girlpluto@secretsweetscollectionblog@bentaylorrogerhardy @16wiishes@emmieliabedelia @onevisionliz @mr-stank-i-dont-feel-so-dank

[mysticdragon3md3]

Processing my thoughts:  Trying to figure out my inexplicable, weird, confusing hatred of Akechi.

[If you like Akechi, please don’t read under the cut.] [And if you’re the Tumblr mobile app, please for the love of gods, actually hide my text under the cut, to protect his fans. I don't like it when people dump on characters I love; I don't want his stans having their days ruined by this.]

I've gotta admit it.  I'm having waaaaaay too much fun hating Akechi.  I know I said I'd try to keep negativity off my blog, and it's better to express your fandom through what you love vs what you hate,...  But I think now I finally understand why my sister always needed an arch nemesis in much of her life, to be happy.  It's just fun to dump on someone---Well, not a REAL someone.  That's why I always shook my head at my sister for enjoying hating real people from afar.  But a fictional character?  That's something I can live with.  What real feelings are there to hurt?  None!  So recently, I've just conceded to having fun hating Goro Akechi.  It's really weird.  

So if you want to Unfollow, come at me bro.  I've always kept my blog for myself, my own enjoyment, and no one else.   But for anyone who sticks around, you'll contribute to making me look at my Follower count and continually shout, "What are you guys sticking around here for?! Why do you like my weird posts?!? I don't understaaaaaaaand!"

But the REALLY WEIRD thing is that I don't think murder is enough to make me dislike a character.  Sure, lots of my favorite characters are the pure-hearted ingenues/himbos, but the other third are evil, manipulative, devious, and straight-up orchestrate murder/suffering on grand scales.  Lelouch vi Britannia, Devil Homura, Mitsuzane "Micchy" Kureshima, Kikyo,...Akira Kurusu to some extent...I freaking LOVE my diabolical characters. I love the fantasy of just being devious and evil---at least in fiction.  So why do I dislike Akechi Goro so much?  o_o?  It's pretty weird.  Especially when I look through a lot of other people's posts about why they hate Akechi and their entire arguments boil down to "he murdered people; that's irredeemable".  And I could get behind that in real life, but for fictional characters...?  I feel like there has to be more.  

And honestly, I don't have to look too far.  I know myself enough to know my pet peeves.  And there's just something about bullies, undue Malice, and remorseless sadism dripping with enjoyment over undue bullying, that flips my psychotic switch.  It's the reason I had to give up watching My Hero Academia, after trying to give it 3 chances, because just one scene with the bully Bakugo ruins my entire day. It’s the reason I hate Oikawa Toru and how he just relishes making others suffer.  It's the reason I can't watch high school dramas that include bullying, without going into a homicidal rage, until I'm allowed to beat something with my bare hands.  There's just something about bullying that makes me Hate so much...Which is weird because I've never been bullied in my life.  (At least, enough for me to notice.)  My intense hatred of bully characters would all make sense if I experienced the cliche of "bullied in high school" and "addicted to power fantasies where the bullies get their just deserts as a self-insert fantasy surrogate to get back at my bullies".  But that's not possible, because I've never been bullied. Not in school, not by my siblings, not by my cousins,... So what the heck?   

 [In retrospect, I’ve always been more offended by causing pain in life, vs causing death. Because death is going to happen no matter what.  Plus, after experiencing suicidal depression, I know how much more horrible it is for existence to be painful, vs the prospect of death. In that light, I remember seeing death as a positive, a release from pain. So it takes an especially horrible jerk to make existence painful for people, and especially to enjoy that pain they caused. That’s why being a bully is much more unforgivable to me, than being a fictional character who has murdered.]

All I know is that Akechi Goro was introduced as a bully and I hate him for it.  His first scene in the game, had him meeting with Sae, and that just introduced him as a brilliant prodigy high school detective.  Pretty superficial profile; nothing really about his personality.  Second real intro scene, he's ripping apart Makoto's insecurities for no reason, and with such a polite, flippant attitude, that she can't fight back without breaking some kind of propriety, so she's just left helplessly beaten. (Incidentally, getting away with hurting people, just because they speak politely, loudly, utilizing authority, or some other overpowering manner of speech, is also one of my big pet peeves.) Next interaction with Akira-tachi, Akechi is very clearly threatening his friends.  HIS FRIENDS. Whom, by this point in the game, I'm feeling very protective over.  Accusing them of being the Phantom Thieves, threatening to oust them, trying to trick them into incriminating themselves, just being generally menacing towards them for a long while, etc.  So in the scenes introducing Akechi's character and interacting with Akira or his friends (AKA, the characters which the direction clearly frames as guiding the audience to have sympathy towards, even before Makoto officially became part of Akira's friend group), Akechi is just a Malicious bully and threat to his friends.  It just set off all my alarms and pissed me off.  Maybe if my first introductory to Akechi was through the anime, where all his introductory scenes pretty much portrayed him as innocuous, maybe then I would have been neutral on him.  Maybe I would have even liked him, since his seiyuu is Soichiro Hoshi and Soichiro Hoshi's Sanada Yukimura was my favorite character/OTP, for years and years, right before I got into Persona 5.  But that's not what happened.  The original Persona 5 game introduced me to bully-Akechi and it happened to exactly strike one of my highest pet peeves.  

So how I feel about Akechi is really weird... the hate stalking, the contradiction vs my love for Lelouch/Homrua/Micchy, the inexplicable reason why I hate bullies like him so much,...

...And yet, it's not so weird at all.  

Also, I think gaining a taste for watching so many geeky YouTubers rage over bad movies or insufferable fiction tropes or comedians rage over the news, has desensitized me to hate-watching or including rage-hate as an expression of my fandoms in general.  Maybe that lead into this whole hate-stalking with Akechi.  Because I used to not have fun feeling hate for anything. I would’ve rather just leave and spend my time on positive things instead. Despising anything was not fun for me. I used to not understand the phrase “a character you love to hate”.  But now, I do.  Go figure: bad influences happen and tastes change.  😅 But though it’s become a little more difficult for me to automatically feel that the love for a character I hate, is valid too---I still feel that way. I would be crushed to be told my love for certain things in my fandoms are “invalid” or “wrong”, and at the same time, I recognize that just by me loving something, there must be someone in the world with opposite opinions. I would be hurt if I was attacked for my fandoms, and I wouldn’t want fans of the things I hate to feel that way.  I go through the motions of reminding myself that his fans can still fanboy/fangirl over a character I hate and be valid, having valid reasons or valid feelings.  And I still try to rigidly conduct myself in the fandom in a way that hopefully doesn’t make his fans feel hated or invalid.  They’re just in a whole other world from me. ...a very different, very far away world, a parallel universe that I don’t quite understand.  But they’re having fun.  And we’re all having fun in each of our own worlds, and that’s what’s important.  ^__^

[lunarbranded]

🍵+ gatekeeping

Send 🍵for the mun’s salt! || Meme

gate·keep·ing: noun - the activity of controlling, and usually limiting, general access to something.Tumblr definition: when someone takes it upon themselves to decide who has access to something .

Boy, you know. I’ve been mulling over how I was gonna work with this ask and how to do this post for a while. Actually had the words a few times that I wanted to use but I waited and thought on it. As it turns out, there’s a lot I want to touch upon with my salt in this post. Most of it is general toxic behavior from the RPC community itself and some of fandom but, for the most part, it’s Tumblr bullshit to the extreme.

If you don’t want to see strong af opinions, please keep scrolling. The salt will be under the cut and I understand that most of what I’ll be saying in this post will not be popular opinions.

Gatekeeping Is A Form of Bullying

Ever heard some dudebro go ‘I bet she hasn’t even read the comics’ about a girl wearing a Marvel shirt? What about someone going ‘If you don’t read the books, you’re not a real fan’ when someone’s in line at the theater? Yeah, those are examples of gatekeeping. A couple of the most common ones actually. 

As for Tumblr RPC gatekeeping, it’s a bit more like this: 

Omg, you can’t write that because it doesn’t fit into what I believe is the only lore that ever exists

wtf why are you claiming that character is gay/trans/bi/ect? they’re not or it would be mentioned in canon

how dare you want representation for your gender identity/race/ect., that’s not okay because it doesn’t adhere to CANON

you can’t ship that because it’s morally wrong and i don’t like it (which sounds a lot like old church people bitching about anything at all really)

if you don’t have the right aesthetic then i won’t follow/interact with you at all

These are just a few examples but most of them are pretty common. And, you know, that’s sad as fuck, to be honest. So many people I’ve met on this side claim to have been bullied but they’re usually the same people who turn around and do this shit to others. It’s unreal to me that they don’t recognize their own behavior. What’s worse is that it can’t be pointed out or people want to use whatever buzzword they can to tell you to fuck off.

If you try to help correct someone, suddenly you’re every -phobic on the planet and you conveniently managed to set their grandmother on fire. The dramatic overreactions of some people have a price and they don’t realize that the emotional response is sometimes not the correct one.

Just because someone is doing something you don’t like doesn’t mean that it deserves a negative action on your part. 

‘That person upset me so I’m gonna post a callout/vague post about them!’ Why do you guys think that literally fucking everything needs a reaction? It doesn’t. You don’t have to react to everything that happens. Sometimes things warrant a simple ‘oh that’s fucked up’ and then you move on with your fucking day. 

Say you have thirty water bottles. Someone steals one and drinks out of it or whatever but you still have twenty-nine water bottles - why the fuck are you going to be angry all day about that one water bottle? What’s the point when you have twenty-nine other water bottles and you can forget about or throw away the one that was ruined/taken? 

You see, that reaction is how you guys act about any one instance that goes wrong on Tumblr except you’re pissed off for a week and you want to ruin someone’s fucking life over a post/thread that you don’t like. Or, in extreme cases, you open blogs to run your mouth at these people. It takes more effort to act like a dick toward someone than it does to just keep fucking scrolling and it’s astounding how ready people are here to wallow in negativity/toxicity.

Puritan Ship/Roleplay Policing

So I mentioned it before, but there’s this super popular idea on Tumblr that if you don’t abide by a certain unspoken ship/roleplay guideline, people will tear you apart over it. But guess what, guys, it’s fucking bullshit. 

Since when were people not allowed to make their own opinions on what they did or didn’t ship?

When did it start that people were considered trash for shipping something?

Who the hell made half of you the owners of the RPC so you think you can control what everyone does on their blogs? 

You see, this is the same attitude that I see all the time in churches. Oh they’ll tell you to your face that you’re welcome to do as you like and come looking however you want but the second you actually fucking do it, you’re ignored and treated like a social pariah. All this because people love to go around spreading rumors and talking shit about one another all over a fucking hobby. 

It’s actually kind of insane when you think about it. Like, you’re arguing over what two people are doing when they’re throwing internet Barbies at one another and you’re stomping across the playground to scream at them because you don’t like what they’re doing when it has nothing to fucking do with you. Remember what we called that in elementary and high school? Oh yeah, there’s a word for it: BULLYING. And now, it’s evolved into gatekeeping.

This attitude is literally as bad as someone going ‘you can’t sit with us’ just because you don’t like what they’re doing on their blog. 

Now, I called this section ‘puritan’ for a reason - “practicing or affecting strict religious or moral behavior.” Does that sound familiar? Because it should. Tumblr wants to call everything wrong and, from what I’ve seen, the hivemind doesn’t want people making their own opinions. Oh and don’t forget, if you don’t already know something then tough fucking luck because it’s ‘not our job to teach you.’ Thanks for the reminder, Susan, but we all know that you’re going to resort to calling people toxic abusers just because they weren’t given the chance to learn something like you were. Because that’s a fucking great way to help people to understand things from your point of view.

Look. What I’m saying is that trying to force everyone into your moral alignment isn’t okay. Some people will write murder and abusive relationships and not romanticize them just fine. The same goes for incest, rape, dysphoria, and a great number of other things. Believe it or not, some RPers actually take the time to look this shit up so they can make sure that they’re doing it fucking right and avoiding romanticization. You know, what you people want them to do but yell at them when you see it trigger tagged without bothering to take a look at the entire thread in question. Goes right back to that knee jerk reaction people like to rely on - not everything is the end of the world.

Callout/Cancelled Culture

This one’s going to be fun.

So we all know that people love their callouts but we also know that people just fucking love cancelling people. Guess what though - you cannot cancel a fucking human being because they’re not a television show. Shocker right? I know.

Now, I’ll admit that there’s some callout worthy topics but there’s some callouts that are so goddamn stupid that I just can’t take either party seriously. Now Tumblr loves dividing people, especially in the RPC. Don’t fucking tell me that cliques aren’t a thing in the RPC because ‘RPing in your bubbble’ is the same as having a clique. It’s the same concept hidden behind another name, don’t try to tell me otherwise. 

And yes, sometimes people want to run around and start ‘clique wars’ like it’s fucking high school all over again. Sorry, but no one has time for that shit. Do your replies and keep your nose out of where it doesn’t belong, Barbara. But, of course, people have trouble with this concept and get into fights. It’s natural that no two people are going to agree on the same goddamn thing. It would be ridiculous to expect this, especially on this website, but just because you disagree with someone doesn’t mean that they’re cancelled. 

What you think is problematic and what someone else thinks is problematic are likely two different things. And sure, you’ll have people who agree with you and you’ll want them on your side but that doesn’t help because now you’ve created that divide. So things fester and get worse because you want to use your mental illness as an excuse (a popular choice from what I’ve seen) as to why you can’t communicate with someone. Next thing you know, there’s a huge callout against someone and that person didn’t expect it at all.

Knee jerk reactions. Fight gets worse. Divide gets bigger. Toxicity festers. 

Well now, there’s this new thing in the RPC where you can get a PSD template and fake fucking screenshots. Sure, it’s for musings and character profiles for things like Tinder, Facebook, ect. Just fun little things for you to throw your characters into and stuff like that. But there’s always that 1% who decide to use it so they can make it look like someone’s said something when they haven’t. So, when that person tries to defend themselves with a full-screen shot of their own (whole desktop or mobile version), things get worse until there’s a giant blowout. 

Once the dust settles you get this nice little ‘if you follow x, y, z then you can just block me bye’ behavior popping up. Well, that’s just childish. Unless something happened that was almost a ‘they found out where i live and they’re sending me glass filled cookies in the mail’ situation, then I have no reason to bother with that shit in your rules page. No one is obligated to tell you who they associate with just because you had a disagreement with them. However, if that person chooses to take your side, that’s up to them. 

I’m sure damn near everyone has had a similar situation to this happen to them on Tumblr before and, if it hasn’t, were you the one making the call out? If you were, was it worth it? Did it make you feel better? Sure, it might have in the moment but if you’re having that much of an issue actually communicating with others then you should take a step back and work on yourself before you involve other people. It’s like that one saying I keep seeing running around ‘if bad things always happen to you, you should make sure that you’re not the one causing it.’ 

Now, that’s not to say that I’m trying to gaslight anyone, but 9 times out of 10, I’ve looked back and realized that my own knee jerk reactions have caused a lot of turmoil that I could have avoided had I stopped and thought on it. I’ll admit that because guess fucking what, humans aren’t perfect. 

That’s the biggest issue on Tumblr. Half of you expect people to come on here and be perfect from the get go but humans make fucking mistakes and we learn from them. Do we not? How many of you can say that you were perfectly rational and amazing 15 year olds? Absolutely no one because teenagers have a lot of stress and expectations thrown on them while they’re going through a rough growth phase at that time. Things are unpredictable for them and they have school, teachers, friends, and parents throwing all of this shit onto them and then they come on here and have full-grown fucking adults slamming all this shit into their faces. It’s fucking ridiculous. And that’s another goddamn topic holy shit. The way some adults on here act is absolutely barbaric.

Sharing IP Addresses Out of Revenge/Anger

Oh this is something I’ve hated since I found out that Statcounter was a thing. Yes, I run it on my own blog but you’ll never see me sharing IP addresses on the dash. I’ll just quietly IP block you and go about my day, idgaf.

So there’s this huge trend and I’ve seen this on my own dash before (it was fucking disgusting, the response was atrocious on that person’s behalf, and I’ve since hardblocked) and it’s something I’ll hardblock over in a heartbeat. 

Now, for those who don’t know, Statcounter has a little piece of code that you can put into your blog theme and it’ll track the IP addresses of people who visit your blog. For me, I use it because I’ve had two stalkers in the past and yes, I keep screenshots of their visits for my own records. Fuck them. First one started the trigger for me and the second one recently exacerbated it. Anyway, if the person doesn’t have something on their browser to block it, Statcounter will pick up on their visit, what links they look at, how long they’ve been looking, their ISP, general location (never their precise home location, just the ISP’s area), browser info, and screen resolution. I’m sure there’s more but that’s all I recall for now. 

Having it so you can protect yourself from stalkers is one thing but having it and using it to throw someone’s IP out there is another. When I say that people weaponize Statcounter, I’m not joking. People will go on there after getting what they believe is anon hate and see who the move recent /ask visitor was and start blasting their IP all over the place.

For one thing - people can send asks via the dash. They don’t have to click onto your page at all so, there’s a HUGE risk of throwing out an innocent person’s IP address. 

Say someone does this - mistakenly throws out an innocent person’s IP after receiving anon hate. That person is likely going to have a panic attack. Not only have you shared their state and general location but you’ve blamed them for something they didn’t do. Throwing that IP out there, to any fucking extent can create a witch hunt for anyone who has Statcounter to try to figure out who the owner of that IP is. 

This is related to gatekeeping because you’re essentially blacklisting anyone who lives in that state/general area from the RPC all because you saw they were in the /ask page. How fucked up is that? It ties right back to the knee jerk response and it shows that people given even a modicum of power abuse it at the first chance. This isn’t even addressing how vicious some people answer anons.

Sure, posting an IP address on it’s own isn’t illegal but when you tack a name onto it, then it is because you’re essentially creating a threat toward that person.

Point of this section - don’t fucking share people’s goddamn IP addresses on the dash, it just makes you a douchebag. I lose all respect for anyone doing this when I find them - fuck you for doing that.

Activism Forced into Roleplay

I used to be in the Marvel RPC. Key here: used to be. Part of the issue that lead to me leaving was how much people slammed IRL issues into RP. Yes, I’m well aware that Marvel comics has a long and deep history of taking on IRL issues and the comics themselves are quite political.

However my issue comes when this is happening outside of the Marvel community.

I’ve seen people trying to force IRL events down people’s throats. ‘You shouldn’t be happy - x, y, and z are happening right now and don’t you dare tell me to be quiet about it!’ Good way to get yourself blocked. People RP as a hobby and, for some, as a form of escape. Immersing into a character to find out what makes them tick is a form of method acting, so it could be said that we’re method writing out characters to an extent. So shoving IRL issues at some RPers can cause them to lose muse or abandon blogs entirely. 

Of course, in the same breath, I’ve seen people told that they can’t RP something because they’ve never experienced it, people think they’re romanticizing it, or some other bullshit Tumblr reason. Look, I’ve experienced rape, self harm, suicidal thoughts, CSA (incestuous and non-incestuous), as well as mental and physical abuse. Don’t you dare assume that I cannot write about these experiences in an accurate way and don’t you fucking dare tell me that I can’t write it because I’ll tell you first off where you can shove your bullshit. The fact that people have to disclose that they’ve been through these things so people will stay off their ass on Tumblr RPs is fucking ridiculous too. 

You don’t get to tell me what I can and cannot write on my blog when I trigger tag the living shit out of everything to make sure that I’m protecting as many people as I can from seeing it. Do not try this shit with me. Censoring someone because it doesn’t adhere to your moral code is just as bad as banning books, televisions shows, and/or movies. 

Censoring something doesn’t solve the problem and boy fucking howdy does Tumblr have an issue with that. Censorship is another form of gatekeeping, by the way! You might not like it but people don’t go to jail for writing about incest or rape, just fucking saying. Oh but there have been crime authors sent to prison, I was suspended from school for writing about murder, but nothing about rape and incest. 

Sure, it may raise some eyebrows and people have to actually use gasp! postblock, tumblr savior, and any other method of tag blocking so they don’t see it but uh… that’s called being responsible for your content consumption.

Tumblr Is Not The Real World

Alright. So I’m gonna close this with a good reminder that I think some people on Tumblr could use. 

Tumblr is not the end-all be-all of the world.

Yes, you can make some good friends here and that’s fine but when you stay on here too long, the toxicity can start to change how you view the world around you. No, not every man that walks by you is going to rape you. No, not every woman that you see is going to be okay with you treating her the way you do female ocs and canons on here (actually, I’ve met some women who were proud they could make a full-grown man cry with the right look so). 

You have to think about how Tumblr makes you view others as well. All this ‘you messed up once so you’re cancelled’ behavior is a social media phenomenon that doesn’t carry on into real life. It just doesn’t. Sure, you can block someone you know IRL but that doesn’t stop them from talking to you if they were a Facebook friend you went to school with. If they still live nearby you, they’ll either talk to you or about you. What are you going to do? Take the Tumblr route and fucking scream at them like an incoherent banshee? No, you’ll suck it the fuck up and you’ll act like a decent person, don’t fucking lie.

You need to understand that Tumblr is it’s own entity, it’s own little sphere on the internet and, by no means, is it appropriate to carry on in your daily life the way some of you do on here. And if you do, please take a moment to stop and look at yourself. 

Self improvement starts when you want to improve but gatekeeping, bullying, and acting like a total barbarian to people you don’t know isn’t okay. This goes for the ones you do know too. I’m not saying that triggers aren’t important in the real world but you need to understand that forcing the social climate to change will only make people dislike you. When they don’t want to change, they’re not going to and some will refuse to change to spite you. 

Forcing anything won’t help. 

Gatekeeping won’t help. 

Censorship has never helped.

People don’t respond to being told what to do, feel, or think. Personally, I’d tell someone to fuck off if they tried doing it to me. So why do you think you can do it to others? Ever heard of ‘treat others how you want to be treated?’ Just be fucking decent and stop acting like other people are your goddamn doormat, jfc.

[jelitazy]

The Story Tale of (hopefully) about Tuhan, Tuan, and Puan. But mostly Puan.

Hei, I know there are a lootttt to catch up, but here I am, after years untumblring.

Kinda miss you guys….

Well, where to begin? Haha

The last time I talked to you guys and poured my heart out was 1-yearish ago? Doesn’t matter, I’m here now hehe.

Guyssss…………..

I am kind of having a lottttt in my plate right now, but it does not mean that I am too busy, I kinda am but, I don’t want to miss this phase without telling my loved ones what I am going through right now, haha.

I moved to Jakarta!!! Yes, one day after August 17th 

Everything seemed so perfect, perfect timing, perfect team, perfect place to live, to hang out, to keep on shape I guess haha, everything led me to: OMG I just won the lottery that universe has ever brought to me, and the kindhearted Allaah Gave it to me as a birthday present. Oh all praises only and only goes to Him <3

Jr. Analyst Environmental, yes that was my position on my first 2 months here in Jakarta, before I moved October 1st as Jr. Analyst Marketing Channel and HSE Project. Awesome!

You know, in my first position, it kinda so me, I enjoyed it so much, well the struggle was there too but that’s ok tho, I could always seem to bear with those. You know me right, I do what I love, and gladly love what I do. Bright teams, everyone is perfect. I am the only one that happens to be the most junior than the rest of the team. You know, I am not that competitive, I take everything as the phase I learn something new. I know I seemed pretty dumb and noob but what can I do? Keeping up with their pace looks like the best effort I could do.

Mba Nurul helped a lot along the way, I never try to impress her, but I really want to be a person someone else can count on, and so reliable for them. That is my biggest lesson from college that I carry with me. I’ll tell you more on the different chapter next time, I promise 

So there I was, preparing PROPER, Environmental Legal Documents, AMDAL, some serious stuff that I even got on a meeting with the Region and Headquarter Directions, that counts as awesome too, right? Haha

Well it was not easy, trust me. I am not an expert, I make mistakes, but I am happy for that. Next step is making sure that I would not fall at the same reasons twice. I will take that lesson to me as well. Getting on some serious stuff that I can never use the word ‘try’ on them. Every words that come out from us state who we are, and our job is to give the advices. On everything WKWK. We seem like the most brilliant people on earth, that my friend, another thing for me which happens to be on my plate right now; learn more.

Now that I am on the new position, want to know my job? Inspecting the Channels. Well it’s not getting harder, but getting intense and mobile. So funny that at the same time right now I suppose to do something as paperwork, but instead, I’m blogging. So mezyji.

A lot of things happen. For most of them is ordinary, to some people, but for me, it is time for me to grow as me, you know. I do what I love, had a short escape to KL which happened to be my new favourite place, because for the first time in my experience, other than Mecca and Madinah, I found it very easy to pray and clean and tidy, and most importantly: modern city. Yup guys, I performed Umrah with my parents and granny. That’s beautiful, spiritual journey that I can never forget. I save it for me, the stories, I’ll let you know once you talk to me LOL. One spill won't hurt, but I think He Loves me so much, I can never do enough for Him, I swear I would hug the granite floor that I soojood on because I felt that He is that near, nearer than my breath, that’s just amazing feeling with the most loved ones in my life. Thank You Allaah.

A lotttt, a lottt happen from the last time I talked to you guys. I am not that girly person who wants to go overseas, fancy countries, I spent on Vy instead. I love driving, and she would accompany me to the place that I’ve never been before, like Merak or Tanjung Sekong for example. I drove all by my self, and that is more than exciting to me, it kind of ultimate me time for me where I can enjoy every miles there while contemplating, or even think about things. Dancing to my favourite songs, sing along, oh I even managed to train my 2nd voice tone well, pretty well even I enjoy using it more than the real tones. WKWK. Vy accompanied me to Balongan, Cirebon, Bandung, Cilegon, Tanjung Sekong (where I actually see with my own eyes: Vopax, OTM, Lotte Chemical, a slight of Krakatau Steel, etc), that’s the Far West of Java Island and I went there with Vy. Awesome.

The thing is, the more agey you are the more you have intention to spend your time wisely. Like you spend with your best friends around, best colleagues, best badminton partners, best friends from college and high school, family, and you will intend to go overseas with the most worthy person you could imagine, what? I am not talking about ‘that’ but you know where it is going LOL. Well, I don’t want to jinx anything just yet, but Allaah Got me, He is the one who even Made the romantic and perfection of everything, I never ever have a thought that Allaah would let me down, not in single time of my life. So, ya, I am pretty sure too you know exactly where it is going.

Oh I am very grateful for whatever it is that happened in Balongan. I don’t recall any special ones but for me Abang2 are the best. They can be as son of the bitch you can ever imagine, but deep down they are the best. Most of them are jerk, well all of them tho, but they are just so true, not fake at all. We made this coworking space from junks, and turn it into a nice smoking area where you can play music and fifa, brew your own coffee with your favourite books within it, karaoke, and do fancy meeting and video conference there. Pretty much good memories.

Jakarta, huh? Nice place, but apparently not for everybody tho. As for me I still could enjoy the life and it’s balance, work, badminton, napping at the apartment, hanging out with friends, for 3 months I still could keep up wkwk. Next week I will be at Borobudur Marathon, 10K no big deal, sweet escape. My sister won an international championship of Plant Design in UTM KL, I am enjoying my self with pretty little good deed today, enjoying my fav drink while saving the planet LOL (I mean I brought my own tumblr babe), been in love with a certain Nasi Padang in town, Citra Bundo, it’s just the best, buying some stuff by the help of a friend in Seatlle because it is where the first Sbux from, and they ran out of a book called Option B from Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant here in Indonesia, so….

Well, I am planning on updating my bucketlists in my Putih Gading book, get ready for IELTS because within 2 years I need to take my Master, hopefully in the UK, picking up with the old dreams of mine, or maybe the nearest: taking international courses provided by the company LOL (do you believe me?) lol, I want to do more sweet stuff for my parents and siblings, hopefully all not by me alone  I’m telling you by not telling you but I won’t tell you guys. LOL

Gotta go, I am gonna be real dead if I don’t do it WKWK.

Here the things I gladly want to tell you guys:

1. It’s ok waking up in the morning after you work very hard and thought: what am I doing? Don’t I suppose to do what I always want to do? Aging with no regret of youth? Old little dreams? Old receh bucketlist? It is totally fine.

2. It is fine realizing and knowing that you are nothing, not even better than the dust you found on your apartment window. Admit it, so you will not have to feed that EGO of you.

3. It is ok to be tired, having some sort of lack of sleeping, in the end of the dawn you felt like there is something wrong with your stomach but you gotta sleep because there will be another tiring day tomorrow.

4. It is ok you found your self alone at the apartment doing nothing but tidying up stuff, doing your laundry and dishes, changing and making your own bed, eating some leftover snacks from last night, cutting your own mango and yoghurt while watching your favourite US drama series on your colourful couch, planning on reading some cool books you bought but you never get the chance to finish them, putting on some beauty masks you bought randomly because you think AC makes your skin dry, etc etc. For the love of God, ENJOY the hell all of them. You are no one but genius.

5. Planning on IELTS and work your ass off because that opportunity will just stop by and you’re gonna make the hell out of that. Let the universe surprise you.

6. Keep doing your secret good receh deeds anyone doesn’t have to know.

7. For God sake, YOU ARE LOVED! Spread love (vibes, I repeat, vibes, ok). You are more than anything you could imagine. If you think you suck, then you indeed suck, but congratulations, you know you want to get better and do better. If you still suck, then it’s ok, cry all you want, but you will get there someday, brace your self, fasten your seat belt bcs it's gonna be the hell of a ride!

8. Enjoy your every sip of your favourite houseblend, every pieces of your favourite cake, and open your heart to the upcoming candidates of your next favourite things, be brave sometimes LOL. But, don’t rush anything. Don’t push anything, let it be, enjoy when your lemon sauces suck, enjoy your bitter coffee because your grinder and coffee machine are old school and conventionally ugly, enjoy every word of someone that hurt your feelings, enjoy every pain when your toe just snagged at the edge of your own couch.

9. Make friends darling. I know you enjoy being the happiest introvert whose hobby is lying down on your comfy pillow, but make friends.

That is the most personal stuff I gladly say to you, see you around, I hope you find joy reading this, if not, then congratulations you just waste your precious time for me, WKWK. I am looking forward to an invitation to work together at your favourite coffee shop LOL, while talking about what hits and hype, and stuff.

Bye,

Assalamualaikum <3

Kepada Tuhan, Puan berdoa tentang Tuan.

Tak sebut nama, tak sebut apa-apa kecuali irama gelora sajak sajak yang kadang dalam Bahasa teramat asing namun terasa tepat sahaja.

Aku mendoamu jauh hari, mungkin saat engkau tersesat, mungkin saat kau terlelap dalam lelah mu dibawah pohon oak, aku tau kau menujuku, tak apa istirahat dulu.

Oh, aku tak akan sembunyi, aku tepat berada disini. Dimana tanyamu? Di sini, Tuhan kita yang Maha Baik itu akan menggerakkan kaki kakiku, saat itu, tidak dapat diperlambat atau dipercepat seberapapun hebat akselerasimu, karena limitku tampaknya mendekati tak hingga menuju sesuatu sebutlah alfa terlebih dahulu, aku disana, di tempat dimana gelombang beta ku dan beta mu akhirnya bertemu, kata Erbe Sentanu ia bernama khusyu, dan di tempat itu engkau akan kujamu, dengan frasa-frasa yang sudah kusiapkan sejak dulu. Tak hebat, cukup untuk kita saling berpaut, sampai maut, sampai Allah setuju untuk masukkan kita melalui pintu-pintu favorit yang kita bidik di suatu sudut di warung kopi dulu.

Haha you got me. Sudah dulu ya. Bye.

[parchmints]

JuLance Day 29 - Compliments

Check out my thread on twitter to see all the prompts at once (the tumblr app messes with formatting so I recommend twitter if you’re using mobile)! All prompts connect together to form one overarching story!

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day 29/31 - Compliments

Lance’s Little Book of Good Things

Day 29: Compliments

Lance’s Little Book of Good Things

Day 33 of Space Roadtrip, Red Lion

Okay!! So here’s the deal. Shiro told all of us that we should keep a journal to “ground ourselves” while we make the looong journey back to Earth, so that’s what I’m doing! I didn’t do it for the first month or so cuz I wanted to actually write ya know? Everyone else is just using their tablets but, I don’t know...I wasn’t really feeling it. I think it’ll just feel better to do it by hand. Red didn’t have any pen and paper tho, so I had to wait until we landed on a planet that had some.

It took a month to find one. Ugh, it was so long. Being in the Lions for a week is gross and I’m not gonna get into it, but just know it’s gross. BUT ANYWAY. We landed on a planet called Hovenduhl and there was a super nice prince there who watched the Voltron show and let us stay at his castle for a few days! I asked him about writing supplies and he gave me a bunch! The notebooks he gave me are pretty similar to the ones we have on Earth, but the pens are so cool! They have different ink colors and some of them are shiny, some of them are matte, and some of them glitter! They’re actually a lot like glitter pens but they don’t give out after like five seconds and they write really well.

So my plan with this bad boy is to write the good things that happen on the space roadtrip! With everything that happened with Shiro and Lotor (hate him), it’s been...hard. And the roadtrip is hard. So, I’m gonna write about good things to keep my spirits up! That way I can look at it when I need cheering up! I probably won’t write every day, but I still think it’ll be nice.

P.S. I’m counting a “day” as the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. Time in space is...weird.

Day 35 of Space Roadtrip, Some Asteroid

I had sword training with Keith today! He’s kind of a lousy teacher and he constantly sends me flying (mainly cuz I let him--wouldn’t want him to feel threatened by what a natural I am), but he told me that as long as I keep practicing, I could be really good! Which, I mean, obviously…

Day 42 of Space Roadtrip, Red Lion

Yorak hung out in Red with me today! He put his head on my lap!

Day 54 of Space Roadtrip, Jungle Planet

We found a planet with lots of hanging fruit, so I was shooting them down and Krolia said I had “impressive aim”! It was really nice. I like Krolia a lot. She’s so cool, I kinda can’t believe Keith is her son...but then she’ll make a broody face and I’m like “oh, yeah”.

Day 60 of Space Roadtrip, Red Lion

Been kind of a rough week. We’ve been flying in the Lions for a long time and no one’s really up for talking. We’re running out of things to say, I think. I’m not a big fan of that if I’m honest. It gives me too much time to think. BUT ANYWAY! Pidge says we’re near an inhabited planet so I’m excited for that!

Day 61 of Space Roadtrip, Baskval

WE LANDED ON A PLANET AAAAAAA!!! It’s been a while! The locals kinda look like cockroaches but they have beds (actual beds!) so I’m in no way complaining.

Day 67 of Space Roadtrip, Some Asteroid

Today was...something. I talked with Shiro today and he said...a lot of really nice stuff. I actually kind of ran here after so I could write it all down because I want to remember this for the rest of my life so here goes…

I’ve been feeling...really bad about how I couldn’t really help Shiro when he was stuck in the Black Lion. He tried to tell me what was happening, but I didn’t listen couldn’t hear him. At least not all the way. And we finally talked about it today. I think it was a long time coming. I thought about that moment a lot, especially when we’re just traveling in the Lions. Anyway, he told me that I shouldn’t feel bad since I didn’t have a direct link to the Black Lion like he and Keith did and the fact that I heard him at all gave him hope.

He also told me that I stepped up and was always thinking about the team and that I’m gonna be a great leader and that he’s proud of me! Okay, I think that’s all he said…

I mean, he also said I was a hero which...man.

It’s crazy. I looked up to Shiro even before the Garrison--the guy’s a legend! When I saw that he was gonna be one of our instructors, I nearly lost my mind, but I could never really get his attention. I mean, it was hard to get any of the instructors to pay attention to you when Keith was around. Probably why I didn’t really like him at first...BUT WHATEVER!! Shiro called me a hero and that’s gonna fuel me for WEEKS!!!

Day 82 of Space Roadtrip, Some Asteroid

PIDGE GOT KILLBOT PHANTASM IV WORKING IN GREEN!!! We played for hours today and it was the best!!

Day 91 of Space Roadtrip, Dead Planet

I finally was able to knock Keith down in training today!! He was a little annoyed but he said good job and that I was really improving. I’m really happy because we’ve been working hard at it. Keith is a much better teacher now too!

Day 102 of Space Roadtrip, Auria

I want to start this off by saying I’M GOING TO KILL KEITH!!! He made me go sprinting after a little alien girl when I didn’t have to! He’s such a jerk…

BUT ANYWAY!! THE GOOD STUFF: We were on this planet called Auria (it was really pretty!) and there was this little alien girl named Aefee who said I was her favorite Paladin!! We talked a little bit and she was really sweet :)

Kinda made me miss Hilario and Ana, but it’s okay! I’m on my way to see them!

Day 115 of Space Roadtrip, Planet With Food We Could Cook

helped Hunk make dinner out of some weird veggies we found on the planet we landed on and he said I had excellent chopping technique! Mamá used to say the same thing when I helped her cook!

P.S. I’m starting to realize a lot of these entries are just me saying when I get compliments...WHAT CAN I SAY I like it when Lancey Lance gets the appreciation he deserves!

Day 134 of Space Roadtrip, Some Asteroid

More training with Keith today! Our fights are starting to feel a lot more even now! And by even, I mean Keith’s almost as good as me! Might even surpass me one day...but oh well, he still can’t shoot for beans.

Day 152 of Space Roadtrip, Red Lion

I don’t talk much about this here cuz it’s not really happy and I try to keep things positive when I’m journaling, but I talked to Allura today and for the first time in a long time, I felt okay? Like...I’ve been really sad about how we weren’t ever gonna be a thing and I still really liked her, but I think it’s starting to be okay. We just talked and it was kind of the first time I was like “okay we’re friends and I’m not wishing for something more” since I decided I needed to give it up. I don’t know, it just felt good. I’m moving on and I still get to hang out with Allura and have fun with her so can’t complain!

Day 171 of Space Roadtrip, Some Asteroid

I FINALLY WON A ROUND OF KP4 AGAINST PIDGE!!! She was really mad at first but then she was like “good game”. Think she’s kind of excited she has competition, actually...

Day 180 of Space Roadtrip, Hybitius

Uh, okay wow. Lot happened today. Like a lot...not all good either, but okay.

So we went to this planet called Hybitius and they have this craaazy carnival with all these thrill rides that make Hunk puke just looking at them and it’s AWESOME!! Keith and I were the only ones with the guts to actually go on them so we spent like, the whole day together and it was...really nice.

We ended the night on this ferris wheel and Keith started talking and he kept saying really nice things like I was there for him and I’m an amazing person and stuff like that and I...ugh this is even hard to write out...but I almost kissed him? And for a second I thought he kinda wanted me to too but the ride was over before I got a chance, which was probably good. Keith probably didn’t want me to kiss him and…

GOD!!! I like Keith!! I like him!! This is so stupid!! When did this even happen?! I mean, I guess we’ve been getting closer because of training...and I guess I’ve always kind of thought he was cute since the Garrison BUT I NEVER LIKED HIM!

I don’t know, I think I’m sad. I know Keith won’t like me back, so I guess I just gotta get over it. Good thing is that I have experience with that so…

Day 215 of Space Roadtrip, Uninhabited Planet

I keep staring at Keith, according to Hunk, but apparently, Keith keeps staring at me too. I don’t know what that means.

Day 220 of Space Roadtrip, Some Asteroid

I think Keith almost kissed me. I’m not sure. We were training and things got a little carried away and...I don’t know. I think...maybe he does like me? I guess I think it’s possible now and that...makes me really, really happy.

Day 222 of Space Roadtrip, Some Asteroid

Keith doesn’t like me. He likes someone else. Pidge told me.

Good thing is that I’ve started “Operation: Get Over Keith” immediately.

Day 223 of Space Roadtrip, Some Asteroid

Operation: Get Over Keith is not going well.

Day 234 of Space Roadtrip, Red Lion

Hunk said something that made Keith laugh over comms today and it was so cute I thought I was gonna have a heart attack.

Day 255 of Space Roadtrip, Some Asteroid

Sorry, it’s been a while. I think the trip’s kind of getting to me. It’s been so long. I’m trying to keep my spirits up for everyone, so I don’t have the energy for lots of journaling...especially about good things.

Sorry, that sounded really negative. I just...want to get home.

Day 269 of Space Roadtrip, Uninhabited Planet

Whenever we land, Keith and I always train and lately, he always come to sit and talk with me. We’re talking a lot, actually. He’s so cool. I mean, I always knew that, but he’s not just cool in an “awesome-pilot-crazy-samurai” way but in a “you make me feel better when I’m sad about something” way too.

We talk about a bunch of stuff, but it usually ends up being about our families.

Suffice to say, Operation: Get Over Keith is still not going well.

Day 283 of Space Roadtrip, Red Lion

Pidge says we’re not close to Earth, but we’re close to being close to Earth. I don’t really get it, but I’ll take it. Pidge thinks we’re close to making a breakthrough and once we do, the rest of the trip will be easy!

Day 298 of Space Roadtrip, Some Asteroid

Keith smiled at me today and it was an attack on my person. Personally.

O:GOK still not going well.

Day 306 of Space Roadtrip, Red Lion

PIDGE DID IT!! SHE KNOWS HOW TO GET US BACK TO EARTH!! IT’S ONLY GOING TO TAKE US LIKE A MONTH TO GET HOME!! EAAAARTH!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Day 312 of Space Roadtrip, Red Lion

We’re trying to limit our time on the ground as much as possible so we can get home sooner, which is hard, but I’m not complaining! LET’S GET THERE!!!

Day 325 of Space Roadtrip, Desert Planet

Had to take a break finally. We had a good run for a while but it was time.

Keith and I talked about everything we wanted to do once we got home and at some point I just kinda hugged him. He didn’t seem to mind, though.

As always, O:GOK is not going well. Kind of just failing miserably at this point.

Day 340 of Space Roadtrip, THE MILKY WAY GALAXY

YOU READ THAT RIGHT JOURNAL!!! THE MILKY WAY!! WHICH MEANS WE’RE MINUTES FROM HOME!!! I’M GONNA SEE MY FAMILY! I’M GONNA SEE THE OCEAN! I’M GONNA EAT PIZZA AND GARLIC KNOTS AND ICE CREAM AND MAMÁ’S EMPANADAS AND I HAVEN’T STOPPED SCREAMING!! I’M SCREAMING RIGHT NOW!! THEY’RE TELLING ME TO STOP BUT I WON’T!

I think this is gonna be my last entry, at least for now! I’m gonna be too busy on Earth to be able to write, but thanks for being there for me buddy! Writing in you really helped, actually.

EARTH!! WOOHOO!!

Love,

Lance

[writingwitchly]

The little loop

Pairing: Sirius Black x reader

Word count: 2k

Warning: sadness / mentions of war

A/N: So. SO. Soo. S O. The new Tumblr mobile actualization is being a total @#$%, school is asfixiating me, my sleepless hours keep getting worse, my brain isn’t helping, and I’m surrounded by  t e n s i o n s, with a 105% of probabilities of receiving the whole bad mood discharge on my head... A real fun ride. Anyway, this is for @herondalesucks​, cuz we need more sweet beans in this world and we should thank them when we meet any. Enjoy!

“Honestly,” you pant as you drop the grocery bags on the kitchen’s counter, “You didn’t miss anything too thrilling.”

The clinging cans and ripping of plastic fill up the silence that follows your remark, until your friend finally speaks up,

“Anything would be more thrilling that constantly looking at these same walls, Y/N.” Her head is bent over the rest of the shopping bags, but you can guess her sad expression by the off tone in her voice.

Yesterday, as Sirius and you attended a party at Marlene’s place, thinking about your redheaded friend’s comments if she had been there made the firewhisky’s usual burn bitter, and the same taste now invades your mouth after lying to her. The night was quite something. A moment of escape in the darkness of the actuality.

A little strangled sound coming from near the sink wakes you up from your reverie.

“Oh Lils…”

In a swift movement, your friend buries her face in the crook of your neck and, for the first time in years, she lets her feeling flow in salted water.

The Potters have been hiding for now exactly ten months, with the prohibition of participating to friend gatherings, Order missions, and any other type of outside trips -- including grocery shopping, which you’ve taken care of today as Batilda needed some rest.

For the energy balls that are Lily and James, this boredom is literally a synonym of long and painful death.

“Listen,” you whisper in her ear as you caress her flaming hair, “We’ll fix this, okay? Sirius and I will stay over tonight, so we can try to cook something special and then play some dare games.”

With a childish smile, she pulls away from her hideout, but still grasping to your waist as to life. “And can we build sheet-and-chairs forts and have a pillow fight and sing songs by the fireplace?”

“Of course,” you laugh, “Just like in the old days.”

Her heart a little lighter now, you decide to resume your emptying of the plastic bags, without much of a result as James storms in after a little while.

“Y/N!”

His rib crunching hug is worthy one of Hagrid’s, and it startles you the double as it comes from behind your back.

“Ow- James.” You pat his hands, and end up trying to get them off you.

“‘m so happy to see you,” he says excitedly, his tic of pushing his glasses up on his nose freeing you.

“Me too,” you breathe for air more than you say, red in the face.

The young man standing in front of you looks as clumsy as he did back in your teen years, which builds up his part of his charm, but you note some new seriousness deeply rooted in his eyes. It certainly is a consequence of having to deal with his responsibilities as an adult, then a husband, and finally a father, but you know for sure it is also the result of all you had to face right after getting out of your golden years, right after life as you knew it split into burning hell and awkward chaos.

“What are you two doing here? We’re waiting for you in the living room!” he asks.

“Well, we still have to…” His wife gestures toward the kitchen’s counter, where a considerable pile of food still waits to be stored in the cupboard.

You glance at her puffy eyes and the dark circles that underline them. It seems like all of the energy has been drained out of her body, which before was athletic and brisk, and now still is, but in an exhausted way. Her usual playful expression is just a shadow, a ghost that can be remembered only by those who have witnessed it in the past, and you’re not sure that her formerly joking voice can produce anything now but neutral comments or motherly encouragements.

Trying to ignore the feeling of pity that Lily would be ashamed to know she inspires you, you gently grab her wrist. “The cans won't fly away, Lils, let’s go.”

Still sniffing, but with her fine pink lips stretched in the attempt of a smile, the young woman nods.

As you turn toward the door, your mind registers a look of complicity traveling from her to her husband, but you don’t give it much importance. Couple things, you think. After all, you too have similar expressions sometimes.

“Where’s my little Harry?”

The living room, sunken in a semi-darkness when you arrived a while ago, is now lightened by reduced magical fireworks, much to the eleven-months-old baby’s amusement. Tiny fingers try to catch the bright glows, Harry’s young mind surely making up stories of its own to explain the bizarre shots of lights that he keeps failing to grab.

By the child’s side, on the carpet, Sirius lies on his abdomen, wand swirling to direct the fairy-like spots from his godson’s nose to the roof, and back. The huge grin of happiness plastered on his face, so different from the usual expression of worry that now accompanies him everywhere, tightens your chest. He keeps shouting at Harry, encouraging him to stretch higher to get to his goal, already teaching him the right attitude to face life. When the baby’s giggling convulsions involuntarily throw him off-balance, the man’s hand is there, always, to catch and steady him, which leads to more roaring guffaws and chirp-like laughter.

“Are you okay?”

Now, the roles are flipped: it’s Lily’s time to ask, and James’ turn to pat you.

Tears run down your cheeks, but you couldn’t place the emotion that generates them. Your heart is heavy with a mix of admiration for such a tender scene, for such a pure love. But also with the sight of your boyfriend playing with a baby -- a child that maybe, one day, you two will have the chance to mother too -- and acting like a father. And, unfortunately, the knowledge that this could happen outside, under a warm sun, in the green garden of a happy house, in a world at peace.

You used to think bitterly about having to fight at your young age, about seeing your dreams crush in the perspectives of suffering, about your colored horizon suddenly being replaced by a scale of dark, shapeless sorrow. But looking at Harry, at his pure green irises and his messy hair, you understand how much more he will have to face, growing in a world where innocence is replaced by uncertainty. How much braver he will have to be. And, even if you’re not a seer, even if you can’t declare prophecies like the one that links this infant’s path to that of evil and agony, you have the feeling that he will indeed be.

A warm chest pressed against your back causes your tensed muscles to relax, an exploit that only Sirius can achieve lately.

“Don’t cry, darling,” he whispers in your ear, “Or I might cry too.”

James and Lily take it as a joke, and chuckle a bit. So do you but, deep down, you sense truth in his words. This is a time when everybody, even the strongest, are susceptible of breaking down.

“I’m sorry,” you say gloomily, rubbing what’s left of the tears from your face.

Harry’s moans attract your attention, and you crouch down to take him in your arms, his naive wide eyes warming your interior.

“What do you guys think about putting Mr. Potter Junior to bed and cooking some pasta?” you ask between to pecks on the baby’s fleshy arms.

“Not yet.”

Not yet? You thought that Lily wanted to get a bit distracted.

“Yeah, not yet, Y/N,” her husband seconds her, scratching the back of his neck. “Harry still has a- mission to complete.”

“A mission, Harry?” you smile as you tickle the child’s belly. “What can it be?”

“You can tell Y/N now, Harry.” Sirius’ voice is warm and excited.

James starts shifting his weight from feet to feet, exaggeratedly beaming at you or his son, you can’t tell. “Come on, Harry, tell her to say yes.”

Even Lily seems affected by whatever got into the boys, because she repeats the Word yes over and over as she caresses the baby’s feet.

Harry’s innocent look bounces from each one of you to the next one -- probably not understanding what is going on, like me, you think -- until it finally comes back to his balled fist, which he starts munching.

Immediately, you are assaulted and the child is ripped from your arms.

“He’s going to swallow it!”

“Open his fist! Open it!”

“Don’t you- It’s not here!”

“Harry, spit!”

“Come on, Harry, listen to Daddy!”

“I told you this was the hell of a bad idea!”

In the agitation, neither of the three notices a small object falling on the floor. As you bend down to retrieve it, you distinct its silvery color in contrast with the red carpet. You take the little circle between two fingers and expose it to the light of the still moving fireworks.

Wait a minute: a circle?

“Sirius?”

Three heads jerk in your direction.

“Wha-”

“Surprise, darling.”

Everything, everything, in this moment is perfect. Your boyfriend’s goofy grin, his blushing cheeks, his glowing eyes, your friends’ relieved expressions, Harry’s bubbly drooling, and the little metallic jewel in your hand.

“Sirius, is this a marriage proposal?” you ask, feeling your skin prickle.

“Is this a yes?” he answers, as nervous as you are.

You’re grateful that nothing stands in the way, because you would have knocked out even a dozen of Death Eaters to get to him right now. Your body collides with his in a kiss that you hadn’t shared in a long time. It’s one of those passionate affection demonstrations you used to give each other in your first years as a couple, but that were now replaced by constantly covering each other’s back or worrying to death because of the other’s delay.

You feel his mint breath on your upper lip, and his teeth tugging your lower one. How long had it been since you last took the silky texture of his hair between your fingers? Apparently, he feels the same about the presence of his hands on your waist, as he hugs you tighter.

Your friends have the delicacy to look away until you two finish kissing, which takes so long that James rolls his eyes when you do. “There is a minor in the public.”

Lily pinches him with her free hand, and drags him toward the kitchen despite his waits and I want to see her say nos.

Your chest heaving up and down is on perfect synchrony with Sirius’, and your arms are still safely locked around his neck.

“You didn’t answer, darling.”

“Well, you didn’t properly ask, Black.”

He tries to suppress a smile, but fails.

How is it that you can still, and always, win?

“Fine.” His fingers softly force your hands open and grab the little cold loop from it. With a meticulous slowness and a wink that makes your heart melt, one of his knees reaches the ground, while the other, like his eyes, look up at your face. “Y/N L/N. To honor all the years of mutual love we have demonstrated each other, and still plan to do, would you grant me the-”

“Do you want to marry him or not?”

James’ intruding face quickly disappears back through the next room’s door frame, and through your giggling you hear Lily scolding him.

“Sirius Orion Black. It is with great pleasure that I-”

“Yes! She says yes!”

“James!”

“But Lily- If I hadn’t helped them, these two would still stealthily look at each other with fish eyes from the opposite corners of the room!”

“So would you if Y/N hadn’t stepped up!”

“What does this mean?”

“That they can handle their own thing by themselves.”

Ignoring their discussion, Sirius slides the shiny ring on your finger, enjoying the sight of it.

“Ready to become a Black, Y/N?”

“I’ve always been, Sirius.”

Permanent tag list: @miss-nerd0905​ @funnymrspotter​ @obsessionsandothersandmore​ @daytodayfun​ @electraheart-isdead @laurenslines​

Sirius tag list: @glitteryfreakslimeegg