#and opens up the actual ways to move forward in a healthy way no matter the outcome?

[clingylilhoneybee]

I am being so goddamn brave

[inbarfink]

I have… so many little thoughts about Simon’s shift in the climax of ‘Prismo the Wishmaster’. He’s so ready to give up, to resign to Death By Interdimensional Beetle Cop. And the thing that pulls him out of it, gets him to see a purpose in his life again, is seeing Fionna cry.

And this moment is so important for Fionna and Cake because this is their first moment to really process the Implications and Consequences of their magical adventure. You know, it’s not just a dream you can wake up from - this is actually a matter of life and death and the fate of their entire world.

And it’s actually, also kinda the same from Simon’s perspective? Even if he was already told they are real and have been real all along a while ago - I think seeing Fionna break out in tears is really the moment where he processed her not as a manifestation of Ice King’s madness, not as yet another way the universe is kicking him when he’s down, not as a cruel joke at his expense. But really actually as people, who need his help.

And, I think about this, also in context with this moment?

Simon Petrikov is… a dad at heart. Simon’s first focus episode in F&C starts with a prologue of him and Marceline surviving in the wasteland. Showing that despite being under much more miserable circumstances

he still seemed to hold himself together far better than present-day Simon. 

Because the need to protect Marcy and keep her happy was giving him purpose and a motivation to hold himself together. 

And this desire to help and nurture and protect is clearly still deep within him. It’s just that now he feels incapable for doing so. In both body-

And spirit -

But now, suddenly, he is once again the Only Person Who Can Help this younger person in distress.

And I think that is a huge part of his motivation to keep on going right now. I mean, just look at how quickly he goes from dismissing Fionna and Cake - into basically declaring that he has to protect them. And fully willing to sacrifice his own identity and sanity to bring magic back to their world because he knows it’ll make Fionna and Cake happy. Because the moment he saw Fionna tear up, he basically decided to Adopt her.

And that’s, you know, technically a step forward - but it is a very very imperfect step. 

Like, at the very least he’s not drinking his sorrows away while waiting for death out of pure despair and spite. At least he has a sense of purpose and a reason to open up for others again and bond. And we’ve seen how much this has been a great coping mechanism for pulling himself together through difficult times.

My guess is that after two episodes of only seeing Simon Petrikov at his lowest and very worst - Fionna and Cake are finally going to get an understanding of Simon’s actual positive qualities as his dad-instincts are going to bring them up to the surface again. 

Buuuuuuuut….

You know, tying your sense of self-worth and motivation entirely to how well you can Dad is not particularly healthy in the long run either. And it’s going to cause problems both for Simon and for F&C.

Looking at it from what's best of Simon, for the sake of protecting Fionna and Cake and making them happy by bringing magic and wonder back into their world - Simon is willing to throw himself right into the suffering and trauma that he’s been fearing all this time and has been trying so hard to get away from. I mean, it’s also about how Simon has started to miss being Ice King in a weird twisted way and how he resigned himself to being miserable in general. It’s also about that, but the part that he actually says out loud is that he’s doing this to protect Fionna and Cake.

So that’s, you know, still very Not Good. Simon can’t hang his entire ability to properly function on there being Younger People who need his protection. He can't actually move forwards by trying to relive the Better Times of the Horrible Post-Apocalyptic Wasteland. That's not a sustainable coping mechanism. And it’s an incredibly unhealthy amount of self-sacrifice. 

And on Fionna’s side… she never said she wanted Simon to protect her.

She might want a useful teammate or a helping hand, she might need a friend. But I don’t think she needs a Dad. Simon is surely old enough to be her father (even just counting his age biologically and not the fact he’s 1058 years old) but Fionna’s not a Literal Child like Marcy was. Fionna Campbell is a grown-ass woman in her early 30’s (Finn is 29 years old right now and there was always kinda the implication that Fionna was a bit older than him). 

(And, heck, if she IS the daughter of a gender-flipped Minerva Campbell, she is probably not in the market for a new overprotective dad. She’s fully booked out on that.)

AND while Fionna does not possess full memories of her magical-adventuring-self, she clearly retains some of her fighting and athletic abilities.

Meanwhile Cake is clearly an adult in cat years and is just as much of an insanely powerful shapeshifter as Jake was.

So where does this middle-aged scrawny nerd get off, acting like it’s his job to sacrifice his mind in order to protect them?

And Fionna very much wants to be the hero, she wants to be at the center of the action. It is no coincidence that her own idealized version of Ice King/Simon is a Tuxedo Mask.

Someone who can give her a helping hand and words of encouragement when things get rough - 

But still lets her be the main hero of the story.

And you know, right now Fionna and Cake have not fully processed the implications of Simon choosing to become Ice King… but once they see a bit of who Simon really is at his better moments. Yeah, they’re probably gonna have some objections to the idea that he should throw his entire identity away just for their own sake. 

Back when Simon allowed the Crown to slowly consume him so he could protect Marcy, it felt like a noble sacrifice. It really seemed like he had no other options. But now he has the entire multiverse on his disposal and two serious badasses on his side. Simon has to learn to see the difference between a codependent senseless self-sacrifice and something that will actually help Fionna and Cake.

So if Simon is really going to lean too hard on his Dad aspect, it’s actually going to cause some really big problems down the line. For his own mental well-being, and for Fionna and Cake. It is in a way, a step in the right direction. And I think it’s going to lead to our main trio finally becoming closer and understanding each other - but unless Simon learns to temper himself, it’s going to cause some serious interpersonal conflicts.

At least this is my thoughts about these interactions right now. I know they’ve been really short but I think they’re really full of Meaning and Emotions. But really, we’ll just have to wait and see.

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

hi! could you maybe do full hcs of an MC who still exhibits symptoms of the red plague? :3

The Arcana HCs: MC with Red Plague symptoms

-- for headcanon purposes, MC has the red scleras and veins in their limbs, as well as higher body temperature, fatigue levels, and sore throat. however, their day-to-day life isn't impacted much past their appearance --

Julian

It was a genuine trauma trigger for him at first

One look at you, and all he sees are the countless bloodshot eyes of the patients he couldn't save staring back at him. Hours of horrific "research" led by Valdemar on bodies just like yours

It makes him feel especially responsible for you, but it also causes quite a bit of inner emotional conflict when he starts to associate your appearance with things like love and hope as well

This is ultimately one of the things that helps him figure out how he wants to move forward after you help him confront his past

Every night, he watches your eyes slip shut and checks your temperature and pulse through the night out of habit

And every morning, he feels like he's witnessing a miracle when your eyes open again. You've lived through another night, and you fully intend to keep on living with no holds barred

It's actually a little healing to see someone with the Red Plague survive and smile

He's still extremely conscientious of your physical state, though. It was weeks before he let you carry your own shopping basket

He keeps track of your temperature in his notes in case it goes higher than your average and insists that you keep a healthy diet and stick to gentler exercises (it doesn't change his own habits)

Asra

As painful as it was for them to bring you back and be immediately faced with the condition they left you to face on your own, they had other things to worry about once it was clear you would live

Like your memories, for example, or his own feelings of inadequacy when it came to giving you a life worth bringing you back into

By the time life had reached a rhythm that left them space to breathe and think again, they'd already adjusted

He's naturally quick to adapt - and physical appearance never mattered much to him anyway. Finding out you couldn't walk as far as you used to was better than when you couldn't walk at all

Unfortunately, them not noticing your appearance (beyond thinking it's cute) makes it harder for them to recognize how other people react to your appearance. They're fairly oblivious to outside opinions (just look at that big hat they consider "subtle")

So when you express any kind of distaste with the way you look, he's a little surprised, if not blindsided. He's quick to teach you glamor and temperature spells when you do, though

They only really see the Red Plague on you when the lighting hits your face at an odd angle or when they're watching your hands

And when he does notice, all he feels now is admiration. He brought you back, but your resilience goes beyond his imagination

Nadia

She doesn't have any memories of the Red Plague - not when she first meets you, at least, at that point everything from her arrival in Vesuvia to waking up three months prior is missing

But it drives the point home to her that you're someone who has suffered and survived in ways she can't comprehend

She's initially a little overcautious. Once she knows for certain that you're somebody she wants to work closely with, she's not sure how best to broach the subject beyond asking if you're cold or tired

Very interested in what your life is like once you do start talking about it - it tells her about you as a person, but it also gives her insight about how the people of Vesuvia remember the Red Plague

Can relate more than a little bit to the loneliness

Goes above and beyond when it comes to providing for your needs

Your permanent fever is making you chilly? She's got blankets and scarves and cloaks and slippers to wrap you up in

Your throat hurts? She's got plenty of tea

You'd prefer to cover your eyes and hands? She can commission a pair of gloves that fit like a second skin and don't inhibit your functioning in any way. Also, sunglasses are trendy now

You're tired? She'll work somewhere you can snooze nearby

Won't stand for anyone treating you poorly because of it

Muriel

He sees your symptoms the same way he sees his own scars

He didn't ask for them, they're a permanent marker of his pain, and the sight of them is enough to drastically affect how people treat him (his imposing size and RBF not taken into account)

And you're the same way, when it comes to your appearance

Of course, you're also the opposite from him in many ways. You get tired easily, and he's sturdily built. You're always getting cold, and he's always too warm. You belong somewhere and he doesn't

Until you two travel together and become Morga's students. Then you have a similar problem on your hands:

She won't stop commenting on both of your appearances!

Between her tying Muriel's hair up where it can't cover his face, and telling you to use your looks to scare enemies in battle, you're both a little lost for words

That's it, that's how you bond, you're both feeling a little too seen and a little underappreciated

Plus, with you constantly feeling cold from the permanent fever, you really need his body heat as you travel further south and his heart is too soft to deny you (you're like a shivering, red chick)

In the end, he doesn't care about your appearance beyond appreciating it as a marker of how you got this far

Portia

Yeah, so she wasn't around for the Red Plague

She doesn't have any frame of reference for what it was like beyond the nightmarish descriptions she hears from other Palace staff, about walking corpses and blood soaked hands

So when she first sees you, someone who acts and appears perfectly healthy beyond having a slightly hoarse voice and wearing more layers than normal, she assumes it's a magic thing

Is it because you use your magic so constantly, it leaves trails where it courses through your hands or assists your sight? Is your skin extra warm because you breathe fire??

Do your scleras turn other colors too???

She's a little surprised to find out that you're the only known survivor of the Red Plague (besides her brother) and that that's why you have those symptoms

Come to think of it, that's kind of badass. You have her respect

She intuitively understands how that must change your life socially, though, and she goes out of her way to help you make connections and smooth over any public fear

She's also got a strong nurturing instinct and loves to fuss over you, keeping you cozy and well rested and fed

Pepi loves your high body temperature

Lucio

Guilt. Guilt. Guilt.

That's it, it's bad enough for him to look at you as a ghost and be confronted with what he knows for a fact is his fault

But it's even worse when he realizes that this is what the body he was supposed to revive himself with ended up becoming: permanently marked by the plague he spent decades outrunning

And it makes him afraid that he'll look like this too, if he makes it back from his horrific goat form in one piece

His fears change as he gets to know you, of course. It goes from not wanting to end up like you to not wanting you to know that how you ended up was his fault

But it also makes it even more real to him how important it is to address the past, even though he doesn't want to

He's not able to look at you without wincing until you leave Vesuvia, after putting things right. It feels too much like the past

Once you do, though, and begin life as journeymen, Lucio gets to find a world that the Plague hasn't touched yet, and that also means getting to see you in a context of your own choosing

He's always been partial to the color red, anyways

And with how much he hates the cold, sleeping next to you is fantastic with your elevated body temp

[johnlennonswifey]

Can you do a fic with John in 1965 ish maybe earlier where he just needs a little comfort or something fluffy but also a bit angsty. Love your work so far!

Thank you!! Idk how to feel about this one but I hope you enjoy!! 🙌🙌

‘I love you the way you are.’

John Lennon x Reader

Summary: John has been oddly quiet, so you pay him a visit to cheer him up.

Warnings: John being sad

—————————————

John had been quiet recently. He had started distancing himself from the band, and you. Which everyone found strange. Every time you approached him he would simply shrug his shoulders. You, along with everyone else, began to worry. His usual upbeat funny attitude was gone. You needed to talk to him.

Which is where you find yourself now, standing nervously by the door to his flat.

“John?” You called out. No answer. You had already knocked four times. Running low on patience, you eyed the doorbell before deciding to ring it.

Relief washed over you when the door locks began to make noises. The door swung open, revealing a disheveled John in a pair of sweats and an old T-shirt. You smiled.

“Mind if I come in?” You hesitantly asked. “I’ve been wanting to speak to you.” John hummed and moved aside. You walked in staying at the entrance as he closed to door. “You can have a seat on the couch.” He said. You nodded, following him over to his little living area.

You sat down opposite from him. He remained facing forward while you turned to look at him.

“John,” you started “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” He sat there, motionless and quiet. “John-“

“Do you think I’m fat?” He asked suddenly. You have him a confused look. “What- why would you think something like that?” He reached for a newspaper sitting on the side table before tossing it to you. It was flipped to a page in which the header read, ‘The fat Beatle?’. The entire article was people criticizing John's weight in comparison to the others.

You looked up sadly. “John, you’re not fat.” You stated quietly. He finally turned to look at you, his eyes sad. “You have to admit I’ve put on a little weight. Haven’t I?” He questioned. You frowned. “So? Even if you have that doesn’t make you fat. You’re perfectly healthy John.”

He stared at you. Quiet again. “And handsome.” You added after a surge of courage washed through you. His cheeks faintly turned pink and he turned away. You two sat in silence for what felt like hours. Deciding your visit was up, you stood, heading for the door. Before you could leave though, you felt something grab your wrist. You turned to see John, his eyes wide as he stared at you. He let go and straightened his posture.

“Do you actually think I’m handsome?” He asked. His voice now back to its normal volume. It was your turn to blush now as you nodded. He smiled. “Well, I think you’re very pretty.” He said matter-of-factly. The blush on your cheeks darkened as you took a step closer to John. “Yeah?” You asked. “Yeah.” He smiled. You gently pressed a kiss to his cheek. You finally turned to the door, opened it, and stepped out. “Feel free to visit anytime!” John called after you.

You smiled as you shut the door. “I will.” You said to yourself.

—————————

I have been waiting for a John request I love writing for him 🙌🙌 just an fyi I might close my requests soon so I can work on some longer works of my own 🙌🙌

[lorei-writes]

Nǐ hǎo! (Please excuse spelling and grammar errors, English is second language!) Could I request headcanon with (Chinese) contortionist MC? With Nobunaga and Kenshin or Mitsuhide (either one works, I have no preference). Chinese contortionist is very neat, and often times people don’t realize China invented it! Thank you very much.

Hello, Anon!

Sorry it took me so long to get to this. And no worries about errors -- English isn't my first language either, so I get that it can be hard to use it sometimes. As long as we can communicate, all is good.

Chinese! Contortionist! MC

Characters: Nobunaga & Kenshin

Content Warnings: none

Nobunaga

When she said she wanted to perform, he thought she meant a dance. Everything seemed to align with that -- the music, her taking a stance... Nobunaga sat back, a cup of sake held firmly in his hand.

The cup of sake did not stay in his hand for long.

Actually, it met the floor with record speed.

Kimonos aren't exactly ideal in regards to allowing for the range of movement necessary to perform contortions. Her undressing? First unexpected thing. But it did not occupy his mind for long, no.

Truth be told, Nobunaga didn't even take notice of her costume. It just didn't register for the longest time. He knew she was not naked, but... The reality sort of, kind of, dissolved itself before him. It just did not seem to be real. He had to be dreaming.

Except it wasn't a dream.

He did not know human body could move like so. His mouth was hanging open the entire time while he just tried to comprehend how it was all possible.

He failed at that miserably.

Truth be told, Nobunaga did not get to appreciate her first performance at all. He was just too stunned to pay attention to the way her movements aligned with the music, or to any finer gestures for that matter.

He took it upon himself to examine whether she was unhurt afterwards. (In a strictly medical sense of the word. He found it just that hard to believe, and wanted to be absolutely sure).

Overall, Nobunaga remained curious of it. He asked her to perform for him again. And again.

Eventually it grew to be something of a personal little thing they share. He developed some understanding and appreciation of this form of art.

Nobunaga performs for her in turn -- however, he can "only" dance.

Kenshin

When she wanted to perform for him, he was open to the idea. However, as soon as the actual performance part started, Kenshin panicked.

He wasn't used to seeing anything similar in healthy people. It just... scared him, a little? Not because the art itself is scary, no. It was more so because it was her, his lover, and what he saw brought forward rather gruesome images from his psyche. It as an unfortunate association, but he couldn't help it.

Kenshin asked her to stop.

He needed to see that she was well. That she was safe, unhurt, very breathing, and still very very much alive.

That was where it all ended that day. However, Kenshin didn't mean to hinder her interests, so inevitably, the topic resurfaced eventually.

He asked her to teach him, so that he could experience it for himself.

Of course, he didn't reach her level of mastery. But he didn't need to. He just wanted to assess that it was possible while also being safe.

And it was! Except! His bum! Was! TOO! FREAKING! STIFF!

He did terribly at first. Absolutely awfully. He never before realised that his body was that rigid.

In the end, it only increased the amount of respect he felt towards her. He understood what levels of dedication and self-discipline one must have to practise this art.

Kenshin didn't learn to do contortions, but stretching became a part of his daily routine. He managed to do splits eventually.

After several weeks, he worked up the courage to ask her to perform for him again. This time, he watched her with marvel and admiration she deserved.

Tag List: @cilokgoang @violettduchess @the12thnightproject @oda-princess @tele86

[alanshee-keeper-of-realms]

Which Disney movies do you like most?

Zootopia is one of my all-time favorites, the way the fur is animated, the way they updated everything it looks so clean and polished and the story was absolutely important for the times and there is so much opportunity to expand this world.

Elemental covered this later on in Pixar's side Elemental covered the personal side while Zootopia showed the whole societal effects of racism and judgment especially within a police force which back in 2016 was a huge debate as George Floyd had just happened and it still is to this day with the Black Lives Matter Movement and Free Palestine

Another one that completely changed my life was Meet the Robinsons, the quote that ran through the movie, Keep Moving Forward, that's actually my motto,

“Around here, however, we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things… and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”- Walter Elias Disney

It is such a poignant quote that everybody forgets,especially in a world where we can easily stagnate and stay in one place thinking the same idea over and over. It developed into my belief

Keep moving forward for tomorrow is going to be a better day. Tomorrow is going to be better, and I have lived by those words since I was 8 and saw this film,

This film also showed me what a family really should be, that despite your quirks and how weird you may be they don't flinch they don't get angry

yeah your parent may get annoyed if you time travel when you shouldn't, but you know there's a logical reason behind that haha

I didn't have the best family growing up I have an amazing mother and father now but back then I didn't know what a healthy family looked like until Meet the Robinsons showed me which is why it's so dear to my heart nowadays.

Brother Bear is another one that I absolutely loved as a kid and especially as an adult from the visuals to the story

Brother Bear is another one like Zootopia that has a poignant message for everyone in 2024 look through another's eyes before you judge them and do something that is irreversible that you may regret especially if that person has done something to you and you don't know the full story.

Walk in another's shoes before you scorn them, even though it may be the most exhausting Journey you've been on, you still come out of it, understanding a little bit more about that person

And the visuals of this film are still some of the highlights of Disney the Transformation scene between the music provided by the Bulgarian women's choir and the absolutely stunning animation from Disney come together in a spectacular Feast for the viewer it's a scene I watch repeatedly.

Treasure Planet is near and dear to me as someone who grew up with a single mother I know Jim's mother's frustration and just trying to make it I always felt heartbreak for her when she lost everything,

I saw my own mother in her when she had to let her baby go to go on this journey hoping that it may be what he needs to grow.

And Jim's song I'm still here I was raised without my father my biological father he's a sweet man but unfortunately my stepmother it's a classic Cinderella tale she runs the house and treats us his biological kids like shit,

And so I used to listen to I'm still here on repeat because I related to that, especially as my stepdad came into my life my mom found her happiness finally and I didn't know exactly how to react

all the men in my life had been bad and here was this man reaching out with a gentle kind hand and I didn't know whether to bite at him or allow him to get close for fear of being hurt again.

This movie weirdly mostly helped me through a lot, understanding that it's okay to heal and move on, that there was nothing you could do, just be grateful for the parent or parents you do have.

Shout out to Onwards for having a similar effect with me. Especially at the end, I cried with the stepdad because all I could picture was my own stepdad, who is just as big a goof as the police chief is.

Atlantis the Lost Empire is another one I just like watching because it's funny and it's one of my favorite films visually and story wise. It was so unique and out of the box that this is one of the rare films I really do hope they take to live action, especially my most favorite scene out of every single Disney catalog which is The Crystal Chamber Scene

That scene still gives me goosebumps that moment where Kida walks on the water and says Matem fun fact I can actually say her full name

The way Milo's head slightly nods when she says what she says you think as a kid he really didn't catch it but as an adult you catch that moment and you realize he did he just lied to Rourke

The lighting, the animation and the music oh the music is powerful It's haunting it's ethereal this to me is Disney at its Peak right then in there in that moment

The jokes of this film are top notch and again the animation is just so unique and stunning

[crmsnmth]

September Chapter Six, Part 2

"I'm scared," I said, almost in a whisper, "I'm afraid it's going to hurt."

"I know you are. Your going silent, like you did in our first few sessions. Do you remember that?"

I nodded. I did remember those sessions. They were awful. Dr. Fischer would try every possible way in the books to get me to talk, but our hour long sessions were usually filled mostly with silence. And I was seeing her twice a week at the start. I didn't like her at first. She was too forward, too demanding. But it's what I needed and after a month of silence, I finally broke and started talking.

"You barely spoke. You withdrew inside yourself for our entire sessions."

"I know. I didn't like you. I didn't trust you."

"And now?"

"I mean, I trust you enough. I'm not sure if I like you, but I know your doing your job and looking for what's best for my head."

"So we'll call this an understanding then. You're very right. I am looking out for you, and I want the best for you. You've been through a lot, and I think I'm seeing you step out of that shell and finally grow. And what is growing?"

"Healthy," I sighed.

"Correct. So now, you've met someone who seems to have taking quite the shining to you, and you to her," she wrote on her pad as she spoke. Long flowing letters, at least by the way her pen moved.

"Yeah," I admitted. I couldn't run from the truth, no matter how fast I ran. I'd learned that years ago.

"And she's cracking through that shell. Getting to meet the person you try so hard to keep barricaded away."

I nodded.

"You're letting her in, Chris."

I looked away.

"That's a really good thing. It's growth and it's wonderful to see. Of course you're afraid. Everyone's afraid of change. It's not easy. It's not meant to be. Growth isn't easy, but it's healthy. You've made a new friend, whom you are opening up to, without trying. You must admit, it might be nice to gain another close friend other than Chad."

I laughed. "What if I don't want her just to be my close friend?" Chad and I had been friends for many years, even before the Emily show. He'd earned his trust for being my best friend, never once breaking my trust and always being there when I needed help. He never held me down or pulled me back. The guy never failed me. I loved him.

I didn't just want a close friendship with Addison. I knew that from the moment I ran into her and found myself in awe. Even now, at the very beginning of whatever relationship we were going to have, I knew exactly what I wanted with her. And it was shredding the beliefs I'd build and nurtured for three years.

"It's still confusing and fucking scary," I finally said, breaking the short silence.

"I know it is. That's a good thing for you. You've had yourself locked up in this protective state for too long. You can't live you're life on your own."

"I would've called you a liar a month ago," I snapped.

She laughed and wrote. "I know you would have. But am I?"

I sat back in my uncomfortable chair and looked around the office. For anything that would steal my attention so I wouldn't have to tell her she was right. I didn't want to admit it, but it was the truth.

"No," I said, almost whining the word. I hated the admission. So much.

"See, we are making progress. Well, you are. It's nice to see. It's nice to see the actual person in side getting out finally," she smiled at me, "how have you been sleeping lately?"

I signed in relief that she had changed the topic.

[pekuliar]

HC for Reigen, his sibling, and his childhood

Reigen having a sibling is a pretty common HC!! Most headcanons with Reigen’s older sister/Reigen having a sibling portray the sibling as the “good kid”/“golden child” compared to his loser ass, but mostly based on…….projection from my own childhood……. I’d like to think it’s the opposite. IMO, Reigen was the “good kid” while his sibling was the one who Reigen’s parents probably worried about more

I think it’s quite a common hc too that Reigen’s parents were strict/emotionally neglectful/had unrealistic expectations of their kids, which I totally agree with. Now, here’s some projection and traumadumping to illustrate how children with these parents might grow —

There are a couple ways children survive living with overbearing/strict parents — by running themselves ragged trying to please them, or by accepting the frequent arguments/groundings/bans as part of life. I think Reigen (as I did) chose the former, and his sibling (as my sibling did) chose the latter.

My childhood went something like this: I was seen as the “unproblematic child” with a tendency to be a fast learner wherever it counted. I thrived off being good at things, and being told I was good at things. Classic “you can do anything you set your mind to” child. I wasn’t perfect by far; I just developed a sixth sense for getting away with things — lying, “reading” my parents, finding loopholes, scheduling “coincidences”, and a healthy amount of crying to guilt-trip my teachers.

My sibling, on the other hand, was the opposite — they skipped school, never cared to find any extracurricular clubs, and were always at odds with my parents. They made friends quick though; where I tended to only befriend people I was in the same class/club with, my sibling somehow always had a web of friends spanning multiple schools. Crucially, despite how often they fought with my parents, my sibling almost never lied, instead choosing to go “Yeah, I did that. So what?”, accepting the ensuing arguments.

Because of that, we grew very differently. My sibling is so much more open and sociable, hating environments where he’s made to act more “formal”/“professional”, figuring out early on that you don’t actually need to continually convince people that you matter. On the other hand, I think I’ve habitually covered up any single iota of genuineness inside me. I’m great at making first impressions but bad at actually connecting; I can’t cope with not being busy 100% of the time; I keep obsessively finding new skills to pick up because idk what else I can do. I also don’t have any good coping mechanisms for failure and rejection because, well, why would a “gifted kid” need to learn how to deal with being bad at things?* [*: sarcasm]

Does all this sound familiar?

So yes anyway. I think Reigen is Reigen because he was always good at pleasing his parents/teachers using a combination of deception/manipulation and actually being good at things, and was unable to accept failure/rejection because he’d always found a way to avoid it. And as a result of being unable to accept any outcome below the ideal, he would’ve gotten less and less honest about his own genuine emotions, eventually becoming great at presenting an “impressive” front but terrible at actually genuinely connecting with people.

And so in conclusion — LET CHILDREN BE SHIT AT THINGS. LET CHILDREN SUCK AT SCHOOLWORK/SPORTS/ETC. Literally no one was created to be perfect at everything. Allowing children to fail in a supportive environment doesn’t encourage them to “”underperform””; it makes them so much better at accepting failure and moving forward from it in a safe and non-self-destructive way. Also, forcing kids to be perfect doesn’t make them perfect — it just makes them damn good liars. Idk why this is becoming a parenting PSA from me, a single 24-year-old, but please just. Let children be shit.

[ihenvs3000w23]

Unit 10: Final Blog

After ten weeks of studying various approaches and topics that aid in our integrity as nature interpreters, I believe that my personal ethic has shifted to a more environmentally conscious one. Prior to taking this course, I recognized to some extent the importance of our role in nature, but not to the depth I understand now. When the course first started, my background was solely science based, not so much of my knowledge came from other aspects such as technology, art and history. I will however like to mention that studying how nature intertwines with many different disciplines actually allowed me to draw comparisons to prior course work I have completed in my undergrad. For example, when I look back at a philosophy course I took, I remember touching base on how Greek ancestors viewed art and how it was based on their interpretation of their environment. They would recreate scenes or objects they found beautiful and used their art as a way of representing their meaning of beauty.

Moving forward, I want to encourage more of my life to understanding nature and why we learn about it from the moment our academic careers begin to when they end.  One of the most important things that I found about nature interpretation is the way that information is presented to an audience. Throughout course material, blog posts and even our podcasts, the use of many learning styles have been tackled.

Personally, I believe that it is significant that I answer the questions posed in relation to my personal ethic and what I bring to the table. To begin, I am a firm believer in everyone having the opportunity and right to an education. My family came from an ex-communist country and when they were growing up, education was free for those who wanted to learn and pursue their undergraduate, graduate and Ph. D’s. With this being said, I believe that children especially should be granted opportunities to learn and see what nature has to offer, no matter the gender, ethnicity and status. Even though certain aspects of nature interpretation are due to privileges, but there should be certain aspects that are available to all to some degree. Furthermore, I feel that I acquire a sense of responsibility to ensure that I am using my knowledge to inform and teach those around me. Whether it be as simple as having people tune out other noises and listen to the sound of birds or as difficult as having people learn about the impact our environment has on human health. Lastly, I have found that the most suitable approach for me is interpreting nature through science. I have always been a very logical person and prefer knowing exactly how and why something is occurring. I’ve never been extremely creative and prefer actual answers to phenomenon’s not miracles or magic. However, I do wish that I was able to be more open-minded when it came to certain topics as it keeps it fun and allows for many different answers.

If I could carry my knowledge and skills from this course and others that have similarly focused on the significance of nature, I would want to focus on the direct relationship between human health and nature. My audience would involve students and adults who are determined to stay healthy and build their relationship with nature due to the many positive health impacts it has. I believe that I am a personable person and am quite outgoing which would make it easier for me to attract a larger range of audience. I also find that my work experience, from a family clinic to an apple farm to bartending would allow me to use multiple learning styles to educate my audience (i.e. those who are willing to learn about nature and health). In addition, I have experience with many different age groups as I was a gymnastics coach for a number of years so understand how an array of age groups develop skills and learn.

Even though I do not see my future career in environmental sciences, or anything related, I do believe that the skills and knowledge I have developed in ENVS*3000 will be useful anywhere and everywhere. I truly believe that our role as nature interpretations is significant in creating a sustainable environment for generations to come. I think that if other students were grnated the opportunity to learn about their role as nature interpreters, the idea of our environment would be much different. In today’s society, the only topics that are brought up frequently are climate change and sometimes wildlife. We are taught that our actions have consequences are that we are all guilty of attaining to climate change. We have individuals who do not believe in it at all and others that are devoting their lives to improving sustainability for future generations. I think the most prominent example of this is the ban of single use plastics and the transfer to electric cars. One of the greatest issues though is the cost to become sustainable, whether it be buying cold cuts over grass-fed raised beef, filtration systems over water bottles, or whatever it may be. In Canada it is expensive to eat organic, drive an electric car, and have a life built around the idea of sustainability. Even though the benefits to this lifestyle are at large, many people do not care and simply cannot afford this. I believe that the future will provide more affordable opportunities for Canadians to improve their lifestyles and acquire one that is based on sustainability and positive ecological impacts. All in all, I am grateful for the privilege of being able to learn and discuss with classmates about the role of nature interpretation and how we will all carry this in our future.

How will you carry knowledge from this course into your future?

[acourtofthought]

Hi, hope your having a wonderful day. Love reading your posts. 😚

Something didn't sit well with me with the last anon regarding Elain's choices or what this anon deems choices.

It’s very obvious that the anon has made up their mind that any and all choices are valid except if Elain chooses Lucien.  They are clearly trying to undervalue Elucien, if it happens.  Yeah, no.  If anything, the fact that Elain is testing the waters and taking her time tells me she’s very capable of choosing what’s right for her and not making impulsive decisions.  What part are people not getting that anything that Elain does is a ‘choice’.  You may not like the possibility of her choosing Lucien, but it’s very much still a choice, the same with Az or any other character.  

Anyway, Elain can reject the bond and still ignore Lucien as she has for the past few years.  She is not forced to be with Lucien.  Is she currently with him?  Is she forced to talk to him?  BFFR.  If anything, sounds like this anon is invalidating any choices Elain may possibly make in the future that doesn't match their argument.  Do you even like her character?  “Plans that involve them both choosing a love they deserve”  So, I'm guessing if Elain chooses Lucien and Lucien chooses Elain, in the end, this doesn't apply, right? ‘With elain and Lucien…there’s nothing’.  Well, for one, we don’t know what Elain is thinking, however, she took that small step towards Lucien, when he was leaving. Also, Lucien is still longing for Elain in ACOSF. There's something there. It’s subtle, but it just makes sense for Elucien. 

If Elain chooses to be with Az or Lucien, it's valid. This narrative for Elain's 'choices' has been pushed for far too long and many are missing the point on what choices actually mean. 

Matter of fact, was it not SJM that said Elain and Lucien took her by surprise?  This is how Elucien was set up.  They are the epitome of fated mates that even the writer was surprised.

Thank you for your message and support! That anon was frustrating to me too. It's also really strange that people are ignoring the fact that we're at the beginning of Elain's journey. Seriously, they think it's a good idea for Elain to be making any major choices after serious trauma? After being kidnapped, Made, losing her fiance, the death of her father, being kidnapped a second time? I'm pretty sure that any therapist would advice against Elain making rash statements or doing anything rash at this stage in her life. And that the things Elain thinks and wants now are not going to be the things Elain thinks and wants a year or two after she said them. There is growth to be had for her character but E/riels seem to insist that she remain fixed in place because that means she will never be open to getting to know Lucien. If after Elain breaks free from her sisters, decides who she is and wants to be (and not just accepting where she ended up by default) and realizes Az is who she wants then I'd support that. But falling into a rebound with Az because he's the only single male around who she doesn't have a mating bond with (because she's absolutely not engaging with Lucien for the simple fact that the bond is overwhelming to her right now) and who she's never had any kind of intimate and deep conversation with the claiming that's love? I don't buy it. If she wanted Az for the right reasons she would have sat down with Lucien, explained the situation and her wants, and moved forward with Az in a healthy way. Nothing about E/riel is healthy or for the right reasons right now (not on his end or hers) and that's the problem I have with that pairing. An adult looks at all possible scenarios, all outcomes, faces the things that make them uncomfortable head on and then moves forward with a decision. Elain's actions at this moment (in terms of Az and Lucien) are not the actions of a mature individual. And I do think Elain has a good grasp on emotional maturity in a lot of other areas but not on this. So all their cries of "choice!" really is them saying, "I like that she's choosing Az right now and that's the only choice I'll accept" rather than really looking at where Elain is, what she's been through, what she's avoiding and admitting that she's not really making smart decisions at this point in time. And yeah, the AUTHOR HERSELF told us that Elain took both she and Lucien by surprise when she realized Elain was the person for him. If SJM, the creator of this world and these characters envisioned Lucien and Elain as Mates and happily vacationing together in London then who the f*ck is any random reader who wants to tell us we're misogynistic, don't care about Elain, disturbed for shipping them (insert additional E/riel insults to Elucien's) and so on? Of course they aren't together yet....there'd be no point to that. But acting like it's not still a very real possibility based on every single other SJM pairing is ridiculous.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi MBTI-notes, thank you so much for the work you’ve put into this blog. It’s been really helpful for understanding myself better. Right now I’m (ISFJ) currently trying to help my friend (INFJ) who’s expressed she needs help. I’ve explored your INFJ tag but I’m still uncertain how to approach this so I’d like to consult you directly.

Right now, her life is moving very slowly. She said she’s fine working in a low-level career as long as there’s a liveable wage and decent coworkers. That makes sense, but she also doesn’t feel like her job means anything, which I know is important for INFJs. She’s terrified of taking risks (not that I blame her—I’m right there with her), so she’s aiming for “safe” job options.

I was wondering if it’s at all possible for an INFJ to become okay with a just-within-budget life without having a sense of failure, which she has told me she wants to settle for. If she can become happy hunkering down then I’d like to help her get there.

-----------------------

Would you believe me if I said that it's possible to be content anywhere, doing anything, as long as you approach the situation with the right mindset? Most people wouldn't believe it. Why? Perhaps they lack imagination and can only conceive of one (unhappy) way of approaching the situation. Or perhaps, intellectually, they know there are other approaches, but their powers of imagination are too weak to bring better approaches to life in the real world.

Suffice it to say that for Ns to mature, they must develop their powers of imagination, such that they're open to possibility, able to generate new possibilities as needed, and able to realize the best potentialities. When Ns lose access to imagination or aren't able to use it well, they become stagnant, which is akin to death for them.

"Meaning" is subjective because it is largely dependent on how you choose to perceive and interpret situations. There are many ways of looking at any given situation. How you choose to look at the situation will help you determine the best course of action. But if you have a weak imagination and only have one way of looking at things, your options will seem to be severely limited.

Using career as an example: Reality contains both the positive and the negative. Thus, no matter the job, there will always be some positive and negative elements to it. When people are unhappy or in a foul mood, they tend to focus more and more on the negative elements and eventually lose touch with the positive, becoming consumed by negativity. Or when people are too afraid to make a big change in life, they might hyperfocus on the positive elements and live in denial of the negative, gradually descending into delusion. In either case, their view of the situation isn't objective.

In order to determine whether a job actually suits oneself (i.e. whether a job can conjure up enough personal meaning), one must have an objective view of the pros and cons and how they weigh against each other. Only by making a fair evaluation can one determine the best way forward. But a fair evaluation isn't possible when you aren't able to see the bigger picture.

If you only see the negative and become blind to the positive, how would it affect your decision-making? Maybe you'll just jump from one thing to another without any real direction because you can't find meaning in anything, even when the opportunities exist. Or, if you keep trying to convince yourself that everything is "good enough" and that the bad is "not that bad" even when it is actually quite bad, how would it affect your decision-making? Maybe you'll stay too long in a meaningless situation and life stagnates.

For anyone, including INFJs, to make good decisions, they have to correct the above problems of perception. To grow, INFJs have to acknowledge that they have full control over how they look at situations and make a conscious choice to get the whole bigger picture before jumping to judgment (healthy Ni). They have to acknowledge any lack of imagination and work to open up the mind to alternative views (via Fe aux development). They have to be transparent in admitting that they sometimes choose the wrong way of looking at things because it allows them to deflect problems and rationalize away bad decisions (Ti loop).

Once dominant Ni is more aligned with larger truths, it is easier for INFJs to develop clear ideas about their needs, wants, desires, and aspirations, many of which are likely to be related to Fe development. They have to be able to tell the difference between needs and wants and which should be prioritized or disregarded. Then, they have to take the initiative to fulfill them as necessary, by choosing healthy and productive paths forward in life. When they are lacking in ideas, they should seek out inspiration or help from someone with the right expertise to guide them. For example, perhaps she should consult with a career counselor.

NFs need to maintain faith in the notion of potential. They need to have a continual sense of growing into a better version of themselves. In order to do this, they have to learn to be a person of integrity. They have to be honest, honorable, and true with regard to how they think, feel, and behave. They need this "congruence of being" to ground their ideas and make the best decisions for themselves. Whether or not you can help with that partly depends on how willing they are to confront the problem bravely and honestly.

[ruminate88]

Overcoming past Emotional Abuse in a healthy Marriage

I dated two narcissists back to back, Cody and Andrew, and I also had a guy friend who was a narcissist, Jake, that would be in my life off and on again for years! I never knew what emotional abuse was but I felt these 3 men were very toxic for me and I was very broken down and hard on myself too. I put myself down to protect myself from these men or even future men hurting me. Sadly not knowing or understanding, I was blindly pushing myself forward without 100% healing first. I rushed into marrying someone because I was trying to run from these men. I did talk with my husband about these men but I couldn’t explain truly what happened to me and how it affected the way I react and feel in various circumstances. So after I’m married, I’m beyond fragile and cautious. The littlest thing my husband did or said that triggered me, caused me to get overly upset but I would try to quickly resolve it because I didn’t understand. Simply put. Lack of wisdom on my past and my own self. Trying to approach my husband with respect, gentleness and some compromise. I wanted this marriage to be its best always but I wasn’t even at my best yet.

Eventually I learn what emotional abuse is and my eyes are starting to open. I deal with the anger my ex Andrew instilled in me and finally get some relief from that. I deal with the emotional scars and I finally deal with cognitive dissonance. I do so much prayer, soul searching BUT I need a breakthrough. It took months of writing down as much as I could remembering even the uncomfortable parts of my past and re-reading it till I’m sick of it all. I just pushed myself to sit in the uncomfortableness and I felt very shameful. Yet there were still a few more missing pieces.

With much prayer and continuing to not give up on the whole matter, I started to receive my breakthroughs. I started to understand why certain situations and conversations trigger me as I found myself comparing my present life and my spouse to the past trauma. I know I NEVER wanna experience emotional abuse again. With as much knowledge and trying to understand it all, It still wasn’t enough to heal me. I’ve had to pray even more!! The last situation to arise in my marriage that was a “trigger” put me back in a past mindset during the emotional abuse but I reminded myself how I’m not in the abuse anymore. I don’t wanna react in a “triggered mindset” so I take a deep breath, start telling Jesus how I feel and how I wanna do even better… I did tell my husband some of my feelings right away but he didn’t respond back, so he was obviously dwelling on the situation too. I decided to pray about it all and not further react.

I was not healed when I married my husband and while I didn’t realize or understand that, I felt I was doing the right thing. I was wanting a partner so bad and I wanted my husband to be “the answer” to moving on from my traumas but he wasn’t. He’s been great and has helped me in so many ways but only with years gone by, lots of prayer and revelations, have I begun to actually get what I needed. Alone with Jesus. Not with my husband. I haven’t even felt comfortable to express all of my journey or talk to my husband about everything I’ve learned because I know my past does hurt him and it almost feels safer just to let it be. In fact, I’ve never had intentions to be thinking about it so much/talking about it but I know now it’s been necessary because now I have awareness when I’m “triggered” in my marriage and I can deal with it before reacting or responding negatively. Certain emotions still arise that are hurtful from my past but as they appear, I can quickly think it over and talk to Jesus about it but remind myself those feelings are in the past. Those men can no longer hurt me and comparing my spouse to them is unfair. Unfortunately, however you’ve been in prior relationships, that is often what you bring to the table. You have to learn to change your old mindset and habits. It doesn’t happen over night. I didn’t even learn about emotional abuse till I was 5 years in my marriage!! I’ve spent this last year taking what I’ve learned and seeing how I can apply it for the future. Give yourself time and grace. Let Jesus have your guilt and shame. I’ve asked Jesus to take these emotional scars from me. I DO NOT have to wear them as a punishment for my old mistakes. You don’t either! If you’ve experienced emotional abuse like me and you’re now in a better position, daily remind yourself how far you’ve come. Getting out of the abusive relationship alone is a major victory! Now you can begin to move forward. Learn all you can about emotional abuse but then step back and allow yourself to meditate on what happened to you, how it’s affected you currently AND THEN one at a time, deal with each past thing that has hurt you. For me, it was 3 different men who all hurt me differently. I’ve had so much to deal with. I’m there though! I feel myself having a clean slate! Lastly, forgiving the ones who abused you. Most narcissists don’t apologize and if they do, it feels as if they’re only saying it to “appease you” but believe they’ve done nothing wrong. Often they feel hurt by you too. Forgiving them doesn’t change what they did but it’s helpful so you can move on from them and you will give them a chance to start over as well. You can’t change them or control how they treat future partners. Maybe they will continue to abuse people BUT that’s their choice. You can only change yourself, control how you treat yourself and your future partners. Now I know what love is and I’m learning about healthy boundaries, how to stand up for myself more and to feel comfortable sharing my life with someone new. I pray my story helps someone out there going through similar circumstances! 🥰

[cinematicnomad]

for shiv and tom, what do you think would need to happen in order for them to work out? like how would shiv be able to allow herself to be vulnerable enough for that to happen?

iiiii genuinely have no idea. despite wanting it v badly, i doubt it's realistic to hope for lol. the unhealthy option, obviously, is that tom does something that allows shiv to feel superior to him again and allows her to feel some semblance of control over their relationship. but even then i'm not sure that would be enough to make her forget how betrayed she felt after he turned on her. to move forward in their relationship she would have to be able to trust tom to not hurt her like that again and i don't know if she can. but she'd have to feel powerful so...i don't know, maybe if logan were to cut tom off, leave him out to dry, maybe if tom came crawling back to shiv on his knees and begged for forgiveness—maybe that would be enough to make her feel like she has some power over him. if it all blows up in his face and she is his only option for a saving grace and she gives it to him because it gives her plausible deniability. like—oh, i'm not letting tom back in my life because i love him and want him and need him, but because i pity him, i feel sorry for him, i'm doing something charitable, he needs me and i can lord this over him. you know? again: incredibly not healthy.

then again, maybe what needs to happen is for shiv to have to be around tom but NOT be with him. you know what i mean? like, to witness him from the outside of their relationship, to examine their dynamic separate from their marriage, to miss him, to ache for him, to yearn for him etc etc. maybe that would be enough to make shiv want him back—if for no other reason than the roy's do not really know how to handle NOT getting what they want. like, maybe it would be enough for shiv to admit to herself that she misses him, because they are not patient people and if she knows she wants something she will figure out a way to get it. like...maybe shiv just needs to be confronted with what life looks like without tom. they've been dancing around each other for months and now they've decided to divorce so they're going to actually be apart for the first time, and maybe (in true cliche fashion) distance will make the heart grow fonder.

maybe shiv just needs to...confront her dad, confront the trauma he raised her in, and realize that tom is A Good Thing™. not because he's the right strategic choice or because he gives her power or anything, but because she loves him. because she wants him. sometimes all forgiveness is, is CHOOSING to forgive someone. sometimes they can't fix how they hurt you no matter how sorry they are and you decide you still want them in your life anyway.

the reason why i'm focusing on shiv is mainly bc. i feel like tom has always been willing to go full 90 to meet her 10. he's always been willing to give up pieces of himself just to keep her in his life. the night before their wedding he gave her an out even though he wanted to marry her. the night OF their wedding he agreed to an open marriage even though he clearly wanted a closed one. he kept silent when she leap-frogged him for the top job in s2, he almost went to prison for her dad, he let her kick him with her "i don't love you", etc etc etc. i don't think his betrayal was enough to, like, fundamentally alter the core of his being. i think if she gave him the opening, he'd take it.

maybe the easiest answer is just. nobody changes. maybe logan dies. maybe he dies and in her grief, in her moment of utter vulnerability, shiv turns to tom for support. i mean, wouldn't it be a kind of...slightly nice, slightly sad, slightly poetic path for them? because it's how their relationship has always worked: in s1 shiv says they got together originally when she was "a mess", when she NEEDED someone—specifically tom, someone she'd never imagined herself with. and then he proposed to her at a similar moment—when logan was in the hospital and they thought he might die and tom just wanted her to have one good, happy memory from that terrible, awful day. like, maybe if logan dies...they just continue on with that pattern. they get back together. because shiv is vulnerable and sad and because she needs tom and because he wants to give her a good thing to focus her energy on instead. would it be healthy? probably not. but sometimes there's comfort in what's familiar.

this is mainly a huge ramble and i don't know if it's even coherent so. hope that was enjoyable to read! lol

[trailjunctionarea52]

Okay, well, today is the first day of Autumn, and my left knee is still healing. It's frustrating because this is the first actual injury that has sidelined me like this. It's also frustrating because it's a knee injury, and up until now, my knees have always been pain-free. Also, what does this mean for me moving forward? Am I permanently fucked? Will this be a lingering issue? How long will it take to heal? I don't know. These are some of the questions running through my mind. What I do know is that I still need to rest because I can still ‘feel’ it just by sitting here; however, it's not difficult to walk or is painful anymore, so that's a plus. I also stopped eating a Tylenol and Ibuprofen cocktail before bed to heal better—because I read that they can hinder the healing process— and feel my knee in the morning to gauge better where I'm at in the healing process.

From what I've read, the forest service has re-opened the section of the TRT that was affected by the Davis fire, but it doesn't matter now because I can't hike — so that trail has my fucking number. I'm not going to worry about it; the trail isn't going anywhere, and I will definitely be back to spank it. And BSL is obviously fucked, and I feel the same way about it as I do the TRT. So moving on.

The last time I made an entry was about three days ago, and since then, I have moved from the Volcanic Tablelands back up to the Buttermilks for peace of mind. Peace of mind from nocturnal flying ants and other campers up my ass, only to be traded for insane hornets that like to fuck with my truck for whatever reasons everyday at 1400 until sunset—yeah, annoying as fuck. But I'm in the foyer of the Eastern Sierra; I have a creek to listen to all day and night, Incredible views, and my closest neighbor seems like a hundred miles away, so it's all good!

I'm chillin’ here until the 26th; then, I will be moving south because I need to be in Corona on the 28th to spend time with my kids for their birthdays. Luckily, I was able to score a campsite on the 27th in the Lytle Creek area just off the 15. I refuse to spend money on a hotel room, so when I visit my kids, I usually stay there the night before because there isn't any dispersed camping in those areas.

My outlook gets a little hazy again after the 28th because I'm either traveling up to Big Bear and living there for a couple of weeks or traveling to the Grand Canyon—I'm not sure which one yet. I committed to pacing my buddy at the Kodiak Hundo on October 11th in Big Bear. I want to do it, but it's contingent on whether my knee is healthy and some other things. My thinking is that I get to Big Bear and start with some test hikes to gauge how my knee is doing—I mean, the PCT in that area is cruisy and mellow compared to what I usually hike. If it's a go, I’ll send it with my buddy on the 11th; if not, then womp-womp.

I also have to think about how much time and money I have left before returning to the synthetic world; hanging around in Big Bear sets me deeper into October. If my knee is healthy, there is one more hike I would like to get done that could be my saving grace, which is the rim to rim to rim—I know the area well; I've lived there before for weeks at a time. The AZT is right there, and the portion right before the Grand Canyon is cruisy as fuck and a perfect trail to test my knee health. I may go there instead because it would be better for me time-wise and money-wise. Let's be honest: anything in mid to late October is late in the season, and I would prefer hiking the GC in early October instead of late October. I would have to be 100% certain my knee is good to go because the R2R2R is gnarly as fuck with a lot of descent.

That's where I'm at right now, and It's a strange place for me to be because I'm not used to being sidelined like this with so many unknowns. At some point, everyone faces adversity; well, this is my taste of it. And at some point in the future, I will look back at this time and be like, ‘Remember that one time at band camp when I fucked my knee up by being a douche bag on White Peak?

Pepperidge Farm will remember! They always do!

[achrilock-atmospherical]

I mean, there has never, not once, been a democracy that has survived. They all turn into authoritarian constructs, which then disintegrate because *big shocker* authoritarians (whatever they call themselves) are always self-serving. Human societies tend to move from egalitarianism toward hierarchy, socially, politically, and economically. From diversity to homogeneity. From enough to excess to artificial privation.

Happens every time, again, regardless of how the grouping is styled or how it thinks of itself. The subjugation and exploitation of the individual in the name of the whole for the benefit of those doing the subjugating. And it doesn’t break because of universal justice or the human spirit or god or any nonsense like that. It breaks because it’s a flawed construct from the start. It doesn’t work because it can’t work. Because its only goal is selective comfort at another’s expense.

It ends up with one getting fitted for a throne while another is kicked to the curb, and the people in between sorted, rewarded and punished, based on their proximity and usefulness to either of these. I don’t think it’s an imperative of polities, but rather of human polities. Humans crave adoration, or at least nearness to that which is adored, and they loathe what is different, because in the wild what is different kills you while your band keeps you safe.

And it’s because humans don’t control those most out of control. You just thought of someone you hate when I said that, but I’m talking about those with the most power and excessive appetites. Two ingredients make up a failing society. A bad person or a group of bad people with practical power, and a group of people who lack the intelligence to see them for what they are, who surrender what agency they have to the system created by the maladjusted.

This is why systems based on rule by popularity, enforced or coerced, always fail. Because popularity is not a key component of a healthy, functional society in and of itself. It is why the stories of societies always end in either collapse or violent transformation, why the continuum always moves from openness and fairness to consolidation and hierarchy and ruin, and not in the other direction. Never in the other direction. The entropy of the collective soul.

Humans, collectively, and for the most part individually, simply lack the breadth of consciousness to surpass their evolved biological baggage. It’s why they made up gods. It’s why they make up laws. It’s why they have so many stories about virtue and righteousness, told and appreciated alike by liars. It’s why all of these constructs inevitably fail.

I don’t think there is a traditional way out, or a different way forward. I think if ‘the species’ or ‘the future’ or ‘morality’ or ‘justice’ are things people actually care about, then all of this is too important to leave to chance or popularity or strength of the moment.

Best find and/or create the best leaders, based on criteria that are not arbitrary or subjective or imaginary, and devote every available resource to bringing the rest up as close to that level as individually possible. That’s the only purpose that matters, at the sociopolitical level. The rest is either gratification or fantasy. And it has to be done without culling the fight out of everyone and turning them all into insects.

Or kill each other to death like always, until the planet burns everyone alive. It really doesn’t matter. The universe don’t care either way. The only question is: how much suffering is everyone willing to put up with while it all goes down the toilet? 💫

[hinduboy]

I'm posting here because nobody will see nor care about this

Lately, I've been feeling like such a failure. I'm 24 years old, and it feels like everyone around me is moving forward with their lives, but I'm stuck in this rut. I haven't achieved anything, and it's eating me up inside. I know I can be greater, so why am I not trying? My discipline is shit.. I hate the fact that I'm still so young and not experiencing LIFE. I want to go to so many places, do so many things, meet new people, yet I always find myself in the comfort of my home, passing time, existing.

I see all these successful people on social media, living their best lives, and here I am, barely keeping it together. I don't know why I can't seem to get it together. I know everbody has their downs, but it feels like it's been like that for years now. It's like no matter how hard I try, I always end up falling short. I try to remind myself that suffering is essential for growth, but the latter is not so noticable.

Sometimes, I can't help but think, what's the point? What's the point of even trying anymore if I'm just going to keep failing? It's like I'm stuck in this never-ending cycle of disappointment and despair. Maybe I won't care, and things will just fall into my lap, but we know that's not how life works.

I know I should probably talk to someone about this, but it's hard. It's hard to open up about these things, to admit that I'm struggling. But I also know that keeping it all bottled up inside isn't healthy either. I really need somebody to be open with. A lot of friends have left me. Maybe for the better. I never intented to hurt anybody, matter of fact, quite the opposite! It makes me so anxious that I only hurt the people who are close to me. I must find out how I can fix myself. If I can.

There's this quote "The obstacle is the way." It reminds me that sometimes, the things that seem like setbacks or failures are actually opportunities for growth and learning. Maybe not all is lost. Life might feel like shit, but I'm riding a rollercoaster.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's okay to feel lost sometimes. It's okay to feel like you're not where you want to be. But it's important to remember that it's not the end of the road. There's still so much ahead of us, so many opportunities waiting to be seized.

I'm going to try to hold onto that, to hold onto the hope that things will get better. And maybe, just maybe, one day I'll look back on this moment and realize that it was just a bump in the road on the way to something greater. Or better yet, a mountain that I have to climb. I would go against my fear of heights and conquer it, climbing hard each day, reminding myself that I just HAVE TO DO IT! NOW!