#and rem is so hyper aware of it

[adharastarlight]

Sirius owned jewellery that was probably worth millions and he just had no idea because it was just family heirlooms and shit, and Remus looked up a piece at one point out of curiosity and started policing where Sirius randomly put down said jewellery because he was awful at keeping it in proper boxes

[goldencherriess]

Soulmates.

Masterlist || Main masterlist

Pairing: Young! Remus Lupin x McKinnon! Fem! Reader

Word count: 3.5k

Summary: Y/N McKinnon and Remus Lupin are the definition of soulmates. Best friends since forever, they know each other to the smallest detail. But a Wizarding War threatens to tear them apart.

Warnings: canon-compliant, major character death (oops!), angst, fluff, best friends to lovers, love confessions, soft eyes, lots of hand holding, Jily

"What's a soulmate?"

"It's, uh, well it's like a best friend but more."

Y/N McKinnon was a soft soul. Remus knew this much, from the twinkle in her eyes to the shy smile on her lips. He knew that she was quieter than her sister, Marlene, but was never afraid to voice her beliefs. He knew that she liked to read classics, burrowing them from him. She always returned them as though they hadn't even been read feverishly. And he also knew that she was a lover of jasmine tea and of stars. 

And she was also his best friend. 

“Do they end up together?” she asked one morning as she sat beside him in The Great Hall. 

Remus frowned. “Who?” he replied, putting down the still steaming cup of tea on which he was sipping. The sweet aroma of jasmine still lingered on his tongue. Her tastes were rubbing off on him.

Y/N huffed, rolling her eyes as she did so and thrusting a book in front of his eyes. Curved, intricate letters spelled Little women. “Jo and Laurie.”

A crooked smile blossomed on his lips. “Do you really want me to answer that?”

“No,” she said, as she turned to put some toast on her plate along with a few eggs. 

Comfortable silence settled between them as Remus resumed enjoying his tea. 

“I think they should,” she eventually voiced, after biting down on a toast.

“What?”

“Jo and Laurie. I think they should end up together. They’re best friends.”

Remus’ throat tightened and it seemed as though the world stopped moving. Best friends. He told himself that he shouldn’t read too much into it, they were just discussing a piece of literature, but then Sirius’ voice popped up in his head (“You’re really thick, Moony. She fancies you!”) and he was suddenly hyper aware of his thigh touching hers, and of his elbow touching hers and he slid away a few millimeters just to breathe. “Right,” he croaked out. 

Maybe Sirius was right after all. 

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

“It’s the one person in the world who knows you better than anyone else.”

Y/N could tell from the wrinkles in his eyebrows and the dark circles under his eyes that Remus didn’t sleep the night before. It was often that she found him in this state, staring blankly at the flames dancing in the fireplace of the Gryffindor Common Room. She never questioned him, she figured that if he ever felt the need to support his weight he’d come to her, letting his tears fall onto her shoulders. 

She was patient, sitting beside him on the couch and watching his chest rise and fall with every breath he took. She counted them, listening in to his breathing and to the crackling of the fire. 

At the tenth one, he spoke up, his voice resembling that of a broken glass. “I’m sorry.”

Y/N let her eyes roam across his side of the face. There were a few new scars slashing across the freckles. “What for?” she replied quietly. 

Remus’ shoulders slacked. He opened his mouth to reply but no word came out. 

“You don’t have to say anything. I know you’re going through something.” She let her cold hand fall against his warm one. He was always the one with the warmest hands.  “Take all the time you need, Rem. I’m not going anywhere. Whenever you need me, I’ll be here. Always here.”

Remus thought at that moment that he was lucky to have her. He wanted to tell her that, but words failed him. So, he settled on giving her a kiss on her forehead. A waft of roses tickled his nostrils and he immediately recognized her shampoo. Sweet and soft. Just like her. 

She smiled, squeezing his hand. “I brought you something.”

Remus chuckled, turning his hand to wrap his fingers around hers. He was pretty sure his heart would burst out of his chest anytime now. “Really?”

She hummed, getting something out from her pocket. A silver wrapper rustled in her free hand, glimmering against the orange of the flames. A saccharine smell rose and enveloped them both. Chocolate. “I know how much you love chocolate and I saw how down you looked this whole day, so I just bought some from Honeydukes.” 

Remus felt his blood rushing to the top of his head, his hands got all clammy and he feared that Y/N would figure him out. He lifted his eyes to meet hers. She bore a soft smile on her lips. “Wanna share?” he asked.

“I’d love to.”

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

 “It's someone who makes you a better person. Actually, they don't make you a better person, you do that yourself - because they inspire you.”

More than once, Y/N found that being with Remus made it all so much easier. Being with him erased the tumultuous barriers of the approaching Wizarding War. The Daily Prophet brought dark news every morning. She usually skimmed through those, before giving the newspaper to Remus, knowing he’d read it thoroughly. She’d then turn to exchange some girly gossip with Lily, Marlene and Dorcas (“Potter asked me out again,” Lily would say for the fourth time that week). Afterwards, Y/N would turn to throw a smile towards Remus, just so he could know she was still there with him. 

This time though, she gripped the newspaper until her knuckles turned white. More than three muggle attacks occurred in the past few days and she was growing anxious. Remus got ahold of the newspaper, lowering it before lightly touching her hand. “Hey, you alright?”

“Do you ever wonder if we’ll turn out like him?”

Remus dropped his gaze to the headline of the Daily Prophet: “He Who Must Not Be Named strikes again, dark forces on the rise.”

“No. Do you?”

“Sometimes,” she sighed, slowly letting the newspaper fall into Remus’ hand. 

His eyebrows furrowed. “Why?”

The newspaper was now on the table in front of them, the headline screaming at her, black letters taking up most of the page, a moving picture with houses on fire staring at her. “I’m just afraid that one day I won't be able to recognize myself. That I will look into the mirror and see a stranger, that things beyond my power will change me.”

Remus’ voice reached her ears in the form of a soft whisper. “I’m sure that’ll never be the case, Y/N.”

She turned to look at him, eyes glossy. “How can you be so sure?”

He smiled, meeting her gaze. “Because I know you. You’re one of the kindest people I know. If you are ever to get lost, I’m sure you would find your way. And if you don’t, I’ll be there to guide you.”

Her smile mirrored his, cold hands meeting warm ones. 

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

“A soulmate is someone who you can carry with you forever.”

Years passed and soon enough, Y/N received the wedding invitation of James and Lily. The redhead delivered it to her in person, insisting she had to tell her something. Marlene was off to the Ministry with some work that day, while their parents were taking the tea in the back garden. She was just putting another kettle on, intending to make jasmine tea for herself, when Lily apparated at her doorstep. A knock was heard at the door, and Y/N was pulled from her wandering thoughts. She took wide strides, passing the moving pictures on the walls of her and her sister from when they were little, and opened the door. A kind smile and a mop of red hair greeted her. 

“Lily! Hi! Come in, I was just making tea!” she said as she hurriedly hugged her. 

“Thank you,” replied Lily entering the house and taking a seat on the couch. 

“I’ll be right back! You sit here, alright?” said Y/N, just as she took off towards the kitchen. She pulled out two cups from the cupboard, intricate flowers gleaming on the porcelain. The kettle whistled and she took it off the stove, pouring the tea in each cup. The sweet aroma of jasmine enveloped her in warm embraces. “Would you like sugar or milk for your tea?” she yelled, hoping that Lilly heard her.

“Just sugar for me, please! Two cubes!”

“Coming right up!” She put two cubes in Lily’s cup and three in hers, before she turned to leave the kitchen, hands holding steaming cups. 

“How’s Marls?” Lily asked as she saw her entering the living room. 

“Oh, she’s alright. Busy with work. How’s James?” Y/N smiled as she took a seat across from her, in an old armchair. 

At that, Lily blushed and gave her the envelope she was hiding in the pockets of her dress. Y/N threw her a confused look, before opening it, sparkling paper soft against her hands.

James Potter and Lily Evans cordially invite you to their wedding

Y/N gasped, before looking up at Lily, meeting her emerald gaze. “Oh, Lily! This is amazing! Congratulations!” Her gaze slipped towards Lily’s left hand, wondering how she didn’t notice the ring sparkling there. The stone had the same colour of her eyes. Emerald. 

“I want you to be my maid of honour, Y/N,” Lily replied with eagerness, taking ahold of Y/N’s hands. “Please, will you be my maid of honour?”

“Of course I will!”

And this is how Y/N found herself giving the Maid of Honour speech in front of one hundred people (most of the guests were from James’ side, family and relatives. Lily only invited her sister, who unfortunately didn’t show up). She was growing hot under the attentive gazes of everyone, her dress starting to itch. Her eyes slipped across the crowd, until they met with honeyed ones. Remus. Her best friend. He gave her a reassuring smile. She cleared her throat. “I’m not going to say much. There isn’t really much to be said, when everyone can see how hopelessly in love they are with each other. I’m only going to say that I had the honour to see how their love blossomed, it took James six years to finally get a date with her, and another three to marry her but he did prove to be successful.” The crowd roared in laughter. Y/N’s eyes didn’t stray away from Remus. “Here’s to forever!”

The guests whooped and clinked their champagne glasses together, while Y/N got off the stage, knees buckling. Remus met her halfway, touching her arm. He was bearing a wide smile, his eyes twinkling under the low light. “That must have been the shortest Maid of Honour speech I have ever heard.”

She rolled her eyes. “How many did you actually hear?”

“Honestly?”

“Yeah.”

“None. Yours was the first.”

She smirked before a slow song started to play, couples shuffling to the dance floor, champagne long forgotten. James was bowing to Lily, asking for a dance and she laughed before getting ahold of his elbow and dragging him to the dance floor. Y/N smiled at the sight before turning to look at Remus. 

He looked so achingly beautiful. His sandy hair was ruffled from the many times he ran his hands through it, honey eyes shining under the fairy lights, white shirt unbuttoned at the top and tie loosened. He was softly smiling at her and she felt herself melting. “Would you like to dance?”

She blinked before nodding. “Yeah,” she whispered, but she was pretty sure he heard her nonetheless. His warm hands touched her cold ones, guiding her towards the dance floor while walking backwards, not once taking his gaze off of her. They stopped at the edge of the dance floor, one of his hands slipping to hold her waist, the other still gently touching hers. He started leading them in a slow dance, humming under his breath. 

It must have been the champagne getting to her head, because she found herself boldly asking the question that’s been plaguing her mind for years now. “Do they end up together?”

Remus twirled her before holding her closer. “Who?”

“The best friends.”

“You mean Jo and Laurie?” he asked, remembering their conversation from a few years ago.

“No, I mean us.”

Remus’ breath was caught in his throat. His hand tightened around her waist. “Do you want us to?”

She sighed, before meeting his gaze. “I thought I made this obvious, Rem.”

He blinked in an attempt to clear his mind. “When?”

“During our school years. Everyone caught on, except you.”

He suddenly felt out of focus. The lights were blinding him and he felt his feet dancing on nothing. The only thing grounding him was Y/N. “How long?” he found himself speaking up, his voice foreign to him.

Y/N remained silent for a second in his arms. “I think it must’ve been the third year.”

Remus almost choked. “Oh, love, we could have saved so much time,” he replied, before leaning down to capture her lips with his. She was softer than he ever imagined, her signature roses shampoo reached him in waves, getting him drunk and lightheaded. There was a hint of jasmine lingering on her lips and he almost melted when she wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing him closer. He pulled away to catch his breath, before leaning his forehead against hers. He was still drunk on jasmine and roses. “Forever?”

She smiled against him, pecking his lips. “Forever.”

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

“It's the one person who knew you and accepted you and believed in you before anyone else did, or when no one else would.”

Dawn was just breaking through when Remus Lupin stumbled through Y/N McKinnon’s front door, blood seeping through his shirt. She was awake, thoughts and worries of The Wizarding War weighing her down. She was just putting a kettle of jasmine tea on the stove when she heard Remus’ harsh breathing and screaming of pain. She stumbled out of the kitchen, knees melting at the sight of him so disheveled. “Merlin, what happened?!” she said as she rushed to him, supporting his weight on her shoulders and guiding him to the couch. She gently lowered him on the soft pillows. 

He breathed in through his nose, wincing when his back made contact with the pillows. 

“Stay right here, I’ll bring some water and a towel to clean those wounds for you, alright?”

He nodded in response but she was long gone. He let his eyes wander through the living room, gaze catching sight of several moving childhood pictures of Y/N and Marlene. There was one in which little Y/N was biting down on little Marlene’s golden hair. The sloshing of water and the rapid steps of Y/N brought his attention back to her. She knelt beside the couch, unbuttoning his crimson shirt and wetting the towel into the bucket of water. Her hands were shaking. She was trying to hide it, but Remus still saw. “This is gonna sting,” she mumbled, a tremor in her voice. 

The wet and cold towel touched his slashing wounds on his chest and Remus felt as though a thousand needles pierced his skin. He hissed through his teeth. “I know, I know, I’m sorry,” said Y/N worriedly. “How did this even happen?”

He shyly met her gaze. “It was a full moon last night.”

Remus expected her to react differently, to widen her eyes and back away from him, to kick him out of her house, to break up with him. Instead, her eyes saddened considerably, casting down to the wounds. “Oh.”

He was surprised he found the courage to speak up. “Do you– do you think less of me now?”

She raised her head in a whiplash, eyes wide. “Why would I? You’re still my Rem, are you not?”

Remus’ lips parted and he stared at her, taking in her wild hair and noticing her tired eyes. Somehow, she still looked beautiful. “I love you,” he blurted out. “I love you, Y/N.”

She released a breath, leaning down towards him. Her lips met his in a short lived kiss. “I love you,” she replied just above a whisper. “I always will.”

The smell of jasmine traveled all the way from the kitchen to the living room, embracing them both in a sweet blanket of aroma. 

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

“ And no matter what happens, you will always love them. Nothing can ever change that.”

The Order of the Phoenix was meeting for the third time that month. Remus bore a skipping in his steps, despite the weight on his shoulders.  He would see Y/N again after a whole two weeks of not seeing each other. He left for a mission, while she remained in London, a promise held between them. He apparated at the Order’s Headquarters, before knocking on the door. 

“Password?” Alastor Moody's voice came through.

“Lemon sorbet.” Albus Dumbledore was in charge of the passwords.

The door was opened for him and he greeted Moody with a smile. The man just acknowledged him with a nod of his head. “Come on in. The rest are inside.”

Remus advanced through the dark, dingy house before entering the rather poorly furnished living room. His smile weakened at the heavy atmosphere in the room. Everyone looked sullen at best. His gaze searched for Y/N but he didn’t find her.

“Where’s Y/N?” he asked, a worry starting to seep into his voice. 

“You haven’t heard?” a glossy eyed Lily asked him.  

“Hear what? And where’s Marlene? I don’t see her either.”

“The McKinnons are gone, Moony,” James spoke up, coming near him.

Remus awkwardly laughed. “Gone where? They stayed in London, didn’t they?”

“They’re dead, mate,” a tired Sirius said. “Voldemort got to them.”

Remus felt as though someone stole the earth from under his feet. The room was darkening around him, spinning in circles. His chest tightened and his vision stung and clouded. “No, that can’t be. Just two weeks ago, they were here. I talked to Y/N, she promised we’d get a house somewhere in the countryside and I promised her I’d buy her a proper ring and we’d–” his voice left him. “And Marlene too?”

No one answered him. It was understood. 

He fell into a dusty armchair and cried. He let the darkness cloud his mind. 

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

1995

Harry Potter was following his godfather in an abandoned waiting room at the station. “Sirius, what are you doing here?! If somebody sees you–”

Sirius turned to look at Harry. “I had to see you, didn’t I?”

“I don’t want to see you get shut in Azkaban,” Harry replied, taking a seat beside him on an old, tattered bench. 

Sirius waved him off. “Oh, don’t worry about me.” He reached into the pocket of his old coat, which reeked of naphthalene. “Anyway, I wanted you to have this.” He handed him a yellowed photo. Familiar faces smiled up to him. Harry took it in his hands and studied it, recognizing his parents. “The original Order of the Phoenix,” Sirius went on explaining. He pointed to a blonde in the corner of the photo. “Marlene McKinnon. She was killed two weeks after this was taken. Voldemort wiped out her entire family. That’s her sister right there, Y/N.”  Harry’s eyes took notice of a petite woman, holding onto Remus’ hand and smiling up to him, before turning towards the camera. Remus leaned down to plant a kiss on her forehead before posing for the camera. 

“Did Remus know her?” he asked, although he already knew the answer. 

He heard Sirius sigh beside him. “Oh, yes. They were the best of friends. Soulmates. It broke him the day she died.”

Harry’s gaze slipped towards a couple in which he saw too much of his housemate and herbology enthusiast friend. “Neville’s parents,” he acknowledged. 

“They suffered a fate worse than death, if you ask me,” replied Sirius. He then smiled sadly, looking at the photograph image of Lily and James Potter. “It’s been fourteen years and still a day doesn’t go by when I don’t miss your dad.”

Harry regarded the photo a few more moments, a pang in his heart at the sight of his parents happily together and still alive. “Do you really think there’s going to be a war, Sirius?”

His godfather pondered the question, before replying slowly. “It feels like it did before.”

The raven haired boy went to give him back the photo, but Sirius beat him to it. “You keep it! Anyway, I suppose you’re the young ones, now.”

Harry smiled, looking down once more at the forgotten faces of the original members of the Order of the Phoenix, his eyes again catching the sight of a red faced Y/N and a smiling Remus, before putting the photograph in his pockets. The Hogwarts Express was announcing its departure.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

A/N: Hello! Thank you so much for reading! Just for reference, the soulmate quote isn't mine, it's from a TV show called Dawson's Creek, which I found interesting and sweet so I kinda built this fic around it.

The last scene of this fic used for inspiration is from the fifth Harry Potter movie, even though Alastor Moody is the one who shows Harry the photograph of the original Order of the Phoenix, not Sirius, but it was more accessible to me this way because I haven't reread the books in a long time.

Let me know your thoughts! Every kind of feedback is highly appreciated!

Also, if you'd like to be added to my tag list, just comment under this post or send me an ask! Lots of love xx

Tag list: @bohemianrhapsody86 @andreead

[cobiehill]

Take Me Out, And Take Me Home

part 2 to Can We Always Be This Close? (read part 1 here)

pairing: wanda maximoff x natasha romanoff x reader

w/c: 1210

summary: the next morning, reader finds herself between the couple in more ways than one (again still soft!! some suggestive lines)

masterlist

The next morning came around quicker than you’d have liked.

You’d only managed a few hours of sleep before you awoke and came to terms with your surroundings. It took you a couple of moments to adjust, an unfamiliar feeling settling into your stomach as you grew hyper-aware of the women either side of you. It wasn’t that you didn’t like laying beside them, you just couldn’t shake the guilt you felt, as though your very presence were driving a wedge into their relationship. Little did you know how very wrong these feelings were. 

To them, it was quite the opposite. 

You made an attempt to quietly untangle yourself from between their limbs, however Wanda had begun to stir at your movement, her grip tightening slightly as she buried her face further into your neck. 

You relaxed back into her with a defeated sigh.

“Where are you going?” she mumbled groggily, her voice vibrating against your skin. 

You shuddered.

“Heading back to my room” you answered quietly, the words coming out as more of a question than a statement. 

“No you’re not.” Wanda responded, her voice a low whisper as she readjusted her arms around you. 

You glanced over at Natasha. She had seemed so inviting and happy to embrace your company the last night but you were still ever so slightly scared of her. Scared that she’d wake up agitated at the sight of you cuddled up in her girlfriend's arms. Natasha wasn’t the kind of person that you wanted to piss off. 

‘Just a couple more minutes’ you thought to yourself, not particularly wanting to try and wriggle out of Wanda’s hold once again. Her body felt warm against your own and you couldn’t help but melt into her arms, feeling more comfortable in her embrace than you ever had in your own bed. 

It was Natasha who spoke next, the sound of her voice causing your body to stiffen as she turned to her side.

“Morning ladies.” She mumbled, her voice deep as raspy, causing your insides to churn.

You found yourself face to face with the woman, who’s expression had softened upon seeing your own. You waited for her to frown at the sight of you, but she didn’t. Instead her hand came up to cup your cheek, before reaching over you to find Wanda’s hand.

“Sleep well?” She asked.

“Yeah, fine, thank you. I was just about to leave.” You reply, uncertainly.

That’s when her frown came.

“Leave? Why?” 

You were confused. You knew the pair had allowed you to join them due to your trouble sleeping, but you’d also assumed they’d want you gone by the morning, not wanting you to take up too much of their time together. 

“Stuff to do” you lied. 

“What stuff , it’s Saturday.” Wanda laughed. You sunk further into the bed so that the sheets covered your face. Natasha pulled them away, looking down at you with amusement. 

“You’re not trying to get away from us are you?” She quipped. 

She had a smirk on her face but you could tell there was more to it, as though she were hiding her uncertainty. Her eyes drilled into you and you weren’t sure where to look. Surely they didn’t actually want you to stay?

“Come on Y/N” Wanda continued “We never get to spend any real time together. We’re always working.” 

You could almost hear the pout in her voice.

“And Tasha’s right!  It is Saturday, we don’t have any missions, any reports. We could watch another movie?” Her tone lightened, and you watched as Natasha’s face lit up from the suggestion. 

“Exactly, you guys can watch another movie. You don’t need me here with you, I’m not your girlfriend.” You persisted, trying to remove yourself from the situation with a lighthearted joke.

You thought it was a joke.

The pause that followed caused you to sit up a little, propping yourself up on your elbows. 

“Right guys?”

“Right.” Natasha eventually responded. Wanda remained silent, her gaze meeting Natasha’s in a way that you couldn’t read. The three of you were quiet for a moment. You weren’t sure if your comment had struck a nerve. They didn't appear to have been having any issues with their relationship from what you’d witnessed, so you couldn’t process the sudden shift of mood. You wanted the ground to swallow you up. This is exactly what you had feared - being the cause of either of their discomfort.

After what felt like hours, Wanda broke the silence.

“Personally” she interjected “I would prefer it if you stayed.”

From the corner of your eye you saw Natasha nod in silent agreement. 

“And then maybe after the movie, we could take you out?”

“Out?” you blinked, dumbfounded.

Wanda mentally cursed herself. She knew she’d misread the situation entirely, embarrassment overwhelming her as her mind flickered back to the way she’d treated you the past few hours and the way she had held you so delicately in her grasp as though you were her own. She felt ashamed. Natasha however, had been able to read your expression a little closer, and she pressed on. 

“Out to dinner. Would you like that?” 

Wanda’s eyes widened at her girlfriend's forward question. She had been so ready to accept her defeat and back down immediately, yet she couldn’t help but wait for your response, hopefulness and dread swirling around inside of her. 

You didn’t respond. Words escaping you as you struggled to form a coherent response.

“Obviously you don’t have to-“

“No I would love to” you finally interject. 

Wanda’s eyes slam shut. She doesn’t remember the last time anybody had made her feel so anxious. She wasn’t particularly used to having to work for someone she wanted.

The corners of your mouth twitch into a smile as you feel Wanda relax against you. You let out a soft giggle and open your mouth to make some sarcastic comment about how you managed to make the Scarlet Witch nervous, but before you have a chance to say anything you’re cut off by her lips capturing your own.

Her kiss is desperate and you don’t have time to catch a breath as she pulls you back down to the bed, one hand on your cheek and the other tangling into your hair and scratching softly at your scalp. Your insides spark, unable to grasp how she could be so gentle yet so hungry for you at the same time.

“Please don’t ever be that fucking difficult again” She breathes out, as she eventually pulls away. 

You let out a soft laugh.

“I can’t promise that.”

Natasha’s eyes darken, the burning sensation in your lower stomach heightening. You squirm under her stare.

“Oh we are going to have so much fun with you, sweet girl.” 

She leans over you, placing one hand besides your head to hold herself up before finally getting to have her turn with you. 

You once again find yourself tangled amongst them, just like how you had woken up this morning, except this time the predicament was entirely different. 

You look up at Natasha, unable to hide the grin that was plastered on your face. They finally had you right where they wanted you.

“The movie can wait.”

[destinedfordiaperstories]

Sammy's Little Problem, Chapter 17

Read Chapter Sixteen here.

Sammy sheepishly waddled out of the changing area, hyper-aware of how thick the nighttime diaper between her legs. She sucked on her pacifier, fully aware of how childish it made her look but needing the newfound soothing power it held over her. She had never looked—or felt—so little.

She found it significantly more challenging to keep up with Allie. Every step required her to swing her legs awkwardly to move around the mountain of padding between her legs. It was slow, humiliating work.

Alyssa couldn’t help but smile as she watched Sammy. Nothing could have prepared her for something this cute. With Sammy distracted, looking around at the other shoppers, hoping to avoid being spotted, Alyssa took a video of Sammy waddling behind her, a pink pacifier in her mouth and a matching pink diaper peeking below her skirt. She immediately sent it to her Mom.

They finally made it to the clothing section. Unlike the other sections, the clothing section was open and easier to maneuver. Far less oppressive than the massive rows of goods elsewhere. Though the section was sprawling, taking up at least half the store.

To Sammy’s horror, the first section they arrived at was onesies. She knew Allie would buy them, but, as with every other aisle they passed today, seeing them in person made it much more real. For some reason, they looked far more babyish to her than the diapers or even her pacifier.

It was the uniform of the babies—of Littles. Engineered to make a Caregiver’s life easier, with easy access to their Little’s diaper. Her diapers, now. The snaps at the crotch were visible proof of her new status in life.

“Which ones do you like, Sammy?” Allie’s voice echoes into Sammy’s ear.

Sammy ultimately opted for solid color onesies, unable to bring herself to choose ones that say “Lil’ Stinker” or “Diapered Princess.” At least the solid colors would give her some dignity, she hoped. She was, however, disheartened as Allie scanned at least 15 onesies. So many, she thought dejectedly.

Next up came shorts, skirts, and pants. At least these, Sammy noticed, didn’t scream Little like onesies. Sure, they didn’t have anywhere near the sophistication that she preferred from her favorite stores like Zara or Abercrombie, but they didn’t feel like they were made for actual toddlers.

Of course, there were still plenty of reminders. None of the jeans or pants had buttons or zippers, opting for elastic waistbands that Sammy knew would make it easier for Caregivers to access their Little’s diapers. And, it was hard to miss the signs indicating that the crotches were designed with diapers in mind, capable of fitting even the bulkiest diapers comfortably.

Sammy was surprised when Allie, without warning, pulled down her skirt. “Sammy, can you put your leg into these? I need to see if they fit.”

“C-can’t we use a changing room, Allie?” Sammy moaned.

“There’s nobody here, Sammy. Besides, they’ll know you’re in a diaper anyway.”

Twenty tedious minutes later, Allie was satisfied they found enough jeans, skirts, and shorts—even a few pairs of overalls with more snaps on the bottom. Sammy wasn’t sure she liked the idea that they could all fit over her overnight diaper but decided not to bring that up to Allie. At least she found skirts that covered her diaper, unlike the one she had on.

As they moved on to tops, Sammy realized she’d never wear any tight-fitting or fancy tops she preferred. From the looks of it, she’d be expected to wear cute T-shirts and—even more gut-wrenching—something called diaper shirts, meant to be worn without pants. Sammy did her best to find the least Little Little clothes, but nothing she found would truly hide her Little status.

“What will happen to all my old clothes, Allie?” Sammy wonders, taking out her pacifier.

“Well, I think we can donate them to charity.”

“Can I keep some of my clothes?”

Allie sighs, “I don’t think that’s a good idea, sweetie. I don’t want you to have reminders everywhere of your old life. It will only make things harder. I know it sounds harsh, but it’s what I think is best for you.”

“So I don’t even get a say?” Sammy says, defiance rising in her voice.

“Not in this, no. It’s my job as your Caregiver to do what I think is best for my Little. So, I’m sorry, but the answer is no.”

Enraged, Sammy chucks her pacifier on the ground, “that’s bullsh*t! You don’t get to decide what to do with my things, Allie!”

“I’ll let that slide for now, Sammy, but I will not allow you to throw things or cuss again. Do you understand me? I know you’re angry, but that is not how you handle your feelings.”

“Or what?” Sammy seethed.

“Or you’ll end up with a red bottom or spend the next 20 minutes in timeout.”

Sammy stared at Allie, trying to decide if it was a bluff. She wouldn’t really spank me? Sammy thought. All she knew was that now wasn’t the time to find out. She’d fight this battle later, in private.

“Fine,” Sammy whined.

“Can you pick up your pacifier, then?”

Sammy huffs as she walks over to it. As she grabs it, she gives it to Allie, unwilling to put it back in her mouth.

“Thank you, Sammy. Do you want another paci?”

Sammy was torn. She hated that she did want another pacifier. But also wouldn’t admit that to Allie when she tried, and failed, to act like anything but a Little. Allie decided for her, opening a second box for a new, white pacifier with pink polka dots. As angry as she was, Sammy accepted the new pacifier. Unlike the last pacifier, this one came with a tether attached to Sammy’s shirt.

“We're almost done, okay? You just need to pick out a car seat, and then we can go to the toy section, as long as you behave. Can you do that for me, Sammy?”

“Yeth, Awwie,” Sammy said sheepishly through her pacifier.

Sammy did not like the idea of a car seat. She didn’t understand why she needed one anyway. Just because she was a Little didn’t mean she physically shrunk. She wouldn’t need a car seat if she were a Neutral. But Sammy assumed they would be nothing more than a glorified booster seat, nothing too embarrassing.

That thought was immediately thrown out the window as they reached the L2 car seats. They were definitely not booster seats, Sammy realized dejectedly. No, these were massive. The car seats didn’t sit on the regular seats; they must be the seat.

“W-why are they tho big, Awwie?” Sammy fretted.

“Well, you’re too big for a regular car seat. These car seats are installed into the car itself.”

Sammy spit out her pacifier and pointed to the L3 car seats, which were the glorified booster seats she’d imagined, “why can’t I use those?”

“Those are for L3s, Sammy. You need an L2 car seat unless you want me to get a ticket every time we drive anywhere.”

“B-but these ones are so big. They look the ones babies use,” Sammy protested.

“I know, but look at all the cool things they have! They have cupholders, pockets for your toys, and even have the same foam comfort lining as all the nicest mattresses. You’ll be traveling in the pinnacle of comfort!”

“I’ll be traveling strapped down like a baby,” Sammy grumbled.

“Well, that’s just to keep you safe, Sammy. I can’t have you moving around the car getting into trouble.”

Sammy huffed but didn’t push it any further.

“Now, want to test a few out?”

“Fine…”

Sammy waddled down the aisle, looking at the different options. If she had to choose one, she would choose the most expensive. That would show Allie, she thought. She found one that had all the bells and whistles. “This one.”

“Well, sit down in it to see how it feels.”

Sammy did. She would never admit it to Allie, but it was significantly more comfortable than any other chair she’d ever sat in. Her body fit it like a glove; it was like sitting on a cloud. Maybe this wasn’t so bad…

At least until she felt Allie strapping her in. The sudden loss of freedom startled Sammy. She felt like a prisoner, unable to escape. This wasn’t as comfortable. Allie stepped back to take it all in. Sammy desperately tried to unlock herself, fidgeting with the belt to unlock it.

“Sorry, Sammy, but only I can release you. Otherwise, it defeats the purpose.”

Anger brewed in Sammy. “Let me o—,” Sammy suddenly stopped midsentence. A violent cramp shocked Sammy into silence. Before she could even react, she felt her body tense as she pushed.

“No, no, no, no,” Sammy whimpered in her head.

But there was nothing for it. She could feel the mess sliding its way into her diaper as she helplessly pushed against her own will. A grunt escaped her mouth as she stared straight ahead in shame.

There she was, trapped in a car seat, pooping herself. Her body defying her attempts to look and sound like a mature woman. Forcing her to look every bit like the Little she was. She pushed again, grateful that Allie pretended to be interested in another car seat. A few minutes later, she was finished.

“A-allie…I’m done.”

Allie came strolling back, her face both sympathetic and worried. “I think we need to get you back to the changing table, Sammy.” Allie unlocked Sammy and picked her up, standing beside her.

Sammy felt herself turned around as her skirt was lifted. Another ignoble diaper check. Sammy felt her waistband pulled back as Allie peered inside.

“Looks like these diapers work,” Allie says cheerfully, trying to diffuse the tension in Sammy’s eyes.

“Why d-do you need to check me when you know I-I…went?” Sammy whimpers.

“I just need to see if we have a blowout, Sammy,” Allie says as she slings the diaper bag over her shoulder. Returning to Sammy, she places the pacifier back in her mouth. She carefully picks Sammy up, hand skillfully resting under Sammy but avoiding the mess in her diaper.

Sammy once again found herself in another humiliating position on the way to a changing table. She hid her face in Allie’s neck, fully aware that her messy diaper must be entirely on display. Just when Sammy thought she couldn’t feel more Little, she finds a way. All she could do was lean forward to avoid touching the rapidly cooling mess in her diaper.

The one saving grace for Sammy was the changing tables were empty. She didn’t know if she could have handled a messy diaper change in front of anyone else. Sammy hated messy diaper changes. It never went quickly. All she could do was silently lay there as she felt Allie wipe her bottom, wishing she went faster. To Sammy’s delight, Sammy saw Allie fluffing a daytime diaper.

A few minutes later, they were back at their cart. Sammy tested several other car seats but ultimately chose the first one she tried. Allie scanned it and they headed off to the toy section.

Before they got to Littles’R’Us, Sammy looked forward to choosing some new toys. But after seeing how infantile everything in the store was, Sammy now dreaded it, assuming it would be only toddler toys.

So she was pleasantly surprised when she got there, realizing the toys were cool. Well, except for the L1 toys. She felt a pang of sympathy for the L1s. But her toys, at least, were fantastic. There were awesome, complex Lego sets, board games, things she’d actually play with.

Naturally, she leaned towards the Legos. She chose a bunch of sets and a box of assorted pieces to help round out her collection. She always loved Legos; now she can play with them whenever she wants and not have to worry about people thinking she’s childish anymore. The one good thing about being a Little.

“Okay, Sammy, I think we got everything! You ready to head out?”

Sammy nodded.

After Allie paid the bill, they went to the service desk to schedule the installation.

“We can have everything installed today by 3 PM, ma’am,” the service worker said, “and you can leave your car with us. We will install and deliver your car seat when we install your furniture. Our courtesy shuttle will take you home now.”

“Great!” Allie responds. Sammy smiled. She made it through Littles’R’Us. One step closer to a puppy.

Go to Chapter 18.

[ezralovezuuuu]

okay hear me out… (lowercase intended)

it’s the marauders first year and james and peter are childhood friends and both grew up in wealthy families.

sirius was raised in france so his first language is french. he is also dyslexic and doesn’t know how to read because of the neglect he’s received from his parents. they told him that “blacks don’t read childish fantasy books” so he never bothered. he has severe trauma from his parents and has flashbacks quite frequently.

remus is raised in an al boys ophanage where they were not treated well and it was every man for himself. he was never told anything about his family other than they had given him up when he was 5. due to him becoming a werewolf he can’t remember anything before that but often has memories of a warm and sweet woman’s smile.

in the orphanage every child is hurt and has built up anger. there are often fights that break up between the boys. the smaller were bullied by the tougher ones and were often blamed for the things the older boys would do. when remus came in to the orphanage he was small and weak so he was a target for the older boys. he developed anger issues from this and had very low patience.

remus doesn’t tell any of his friends about him being a werewolf until their third year. up until every few days before the full moon he would be very hyper-aware of everything that was happening which often caused his anger to get worse by an extreme amount. this prevented him from being around many people and resulted in him isolating from people for the few days before the full moon. his friends would tell that he was distancing and would try to help by asking if he was alright and what was wrong. this caused him to be even more angry which made it very easy for him to start a fight quicker.

most of the classes that sirius is taking are to help him learn how to read/speak/write in english. he was recently diagnosed with dyslexia and is having trouble understanding what it means. he is unbelievably stressed and is taking tutoring classes after lessons each day so he has no time to just be him. his english is getting extremely better and is able to speak almost fluently.

one day in their second year they are assigned a project over the weekend in DADA which just so happened to be the weekend of the full moon.

sirius has asked james and remus to help him with the project since he was struggling with it and remus was not having a good day.

remus: i can’t right now, sirius. i have a headache and might pass out just by sitting on the sofa.

sirius: oh come onnn moony. you’re the smartest of us all!

remus: seriously pads. not right now.

sirius: fine. *turns to james” okay, james what does this mean? *points to a part of the directions he doesn’t understand*

james: it says that we’re supposed to read, umm *starts looking through his own book bag* oh! this book *plops it down on the desk that makes a loud noise*

remus: MERLIN JAMES. STOP IT.

james: woah mate, sorry i didn’t mean to drop it that hard. *he looks over to sirius who was also caught off guard by remus’ sudden outburst*

sirius: yea rem, he was just trying to help me.

remus: okay okay sorry, just carry on. *he’s massaging his temples to try to soothe his headache while shooing them back to their work with the other hand*

james: okay siri, so it’s saying that you need to read chapters 1-4 this week and write a summary of what you thought the message was.

sirius: summary? what’s a summary? *sirius looks confused and tries to read the paper to understand*

james: oh uh, summary… it’s like you’re wrapping up the whole story and writing what you the main point was.

sirius: sorry james, i don’t understand.

james: no! it’s completely fine! umm, here let’s ask pete.

they go and try to find peter for help but they couldn’t find him and it was five minutes from curfew.

james: *walking back into the common room* we’re just going to have to ask remus to explain it to you. okay?

sirius nods and they go up to their dorm to see remus moved up there when they were out looking for peter.

james: hey remus, mate? could you explain what summary means to siri? he doesn’t understand my explanation and we can’t find pete.

remus: OH MY GOD SIRIUS WHY DO YOU NOT KNOW ANYTHING?!?!

they all freeze as remus yells at sirius. remus immediately regrets yelling and james is just too shocked to speak. sirius just looks down and starts breathing heavily while nodding.

sirius: i- im- im sor- ry- im sorry

he’s hyperventilating and starting to cry as he runs out the door of their dorm while james follows after him.

and remus knows he fucked up.

[thebestofoneshots]

☆ star

hi!! i’m not sure if this description will be helpful in the slightest but i hope so 🤞🤞

physical/ public appearance: british, mid size, chubby-ish face, 5’6, curly brown hair, freckled and usually rosy cheeked,

personality: extroverted introverted and awkward 100% UNLESS i’m with someone i know and am comfortable with, soft girl at heart and love a good fluffy fic, people pleaser so my feelings are shared with me and me only, shy in social situations, sarcastic, odd humour but funny when i know you, my social battery is controversial so i’ll deffo need time to myself but am super energetic for periods of time and like to have fun, aquarius, INTJ personality, i easily hold grudges and fend for myself if someone wrongs me

hobbies/ things about me: i love art, reading (wattpad hehe), i spend all day everyday crocheting or knitting, i get hyper fixated on piano for a few weeks then won’t go near it for the next 3 months, music is my life (i’m a harrie but also love taylor, pheobe bridgers, 1D, lana, inhaler, wallows, queen, jeff buckley etc), love love love coming of age movies (and harry potter ofc), my style is a mixture between downtown streetwear grandpa and hippie (depends on my mood), marauders gal for sure (remus or poly = favs)

i’m not sure what else there is to say so THANK YOU 🌷💌

If you want to participate in "TBOS' 400 Followers Celebration" too, you can look at this post for all the options of prompts you can choose from <3

☆ Star: send a short description of yourself and I’ll tell you who I ship you with!

Ufff, I definitely, definitely ship you with Remus, but also, somehow Sirius as well? But it was 100% Remus who developed a crush on you first. It started when you stole one of his sweaters. It wasn’t intentional; you were cold, and Sirius was carrying it around in his backpack so he gave it to you. You wore it all day, and Remus only realized you were wearing his sweater in the evening when you walked into the common room with it on.

“That’s mine,” he said with a little frown, still, finding it cute how big it was on you.

“Oh, is it? Sirius borrowed it to me earlier, sorry,” you said and took it off quickly before tossing it his way.

“I didn’t… You can still wear it if you’re cold," he told you, a little more politely now.

“It’s fine,” you told him as you approached the fireplace to sit beside it. “I’m warmer now, thanks, Rem.” You then pulled out some yarn and a work in progress from your bag and continued knitting. Remus observed you quietly from behind, wondering if he could ever do such artistic work with his own hands. He had seen you knit before, yeah, but he wasn't sure if he had actually seen you the same way he had that day.

Next time he put on the sweater, it smelled like you, and it drove him crazy because he liked the smell a little too much. He was honestly debating whether to take it off so the scent wouldn't wear off. Sirius noticed his hesitance and smiled.

“Looks like my boyfriend has developed a little crush.”

“What?” Remus turned to the boy alarmed. “What are you…? That’s ridiculous!”

Sirius only shrugged. “I also think she’s pretty,” he said, nodding to the sweater. “I wouldn’t mind sharing you. As long as it was with her.”

Next thing you knew, Sirius was casually flirting with you, not so much that it would intimidate you, but enough to make your heart flutter in despair, since you were very aware of his relationship with Remus. But then Remus started to grow closer to you too. He asked you to teach him how to knit, and even if his pieces had these huge holes at the start, he pulled through. And that’s not to mention how much he loved your classes, how you would sometimes place your small hands over his to tell him what to do, and how you’d laugh when you helped him fix a big hole. Remus was absolutely smitten.

Eventually, the boys invited you to Hogsmeade. You assumed it would be a friendly reunion with everyone. But when you walked to the meeting point just outside the castle, you realized only the two of them were waiting for you. On the way to Hogsmeade, you discovered you and Sirius also had a lot in common, especially when you started to talk about music. You told him your favorite song was 'Too Much Love Will Kill You,' and he laughed, because too much love would definitely not kill you.

At the Three Broomsticks, they talked to you about their crush and how they wanted you to join their relationship, if you were okay with it, of course. You were a little shy at first but decided to give it a try. After all, you found both boys stunning in their own ways, your crush on them growing exponentially the more time you spend with the two. Even if you weren't sure how dating two boys at the same time would work, you decided you'd figure it out along the way.

A/N: I hope you liked this, I know I've been taking so long on finishing the stuff from my 400 Follower celebration, but they'll all come out soon. If I haven't done yours, is not because I don't want to or I won't, I've just been a little too busy with work.

Much love, Lilly xx

MASTERLIST

[ghostcrows]

Going to sleep sucks so bad though I've been so hyper aware of my body that I can't get comfortable...my fucking FEET...I hate the part of just sitting there eyes closed until something happens...sometimes that part lasts the entire night there is no REM sleep there is no queen of england

[pokemon-ash-aus]

What's the difference between sleeping and resting? (You said Peach only does the latter).

Sleeping is unconsciousness, where you enter REM and are able to dream.

Resting doesnt necessarily mean Sleep. You could close your eyes but still be hyper aware of the world around you. You could easily go from laying down to fighting in a moment.

Its just a small period to actually just relax, but not sleep.

Peach has Insomnia, so sleeping often and readily alludes her. When she can sleep, she's definitely not loaf she tries to adapt, ill tell you that XD

[leam1983]

On Eureka Moments

There is one tiny, tiny plus-side to insomnia: the epiphanies you get when you finally manage to catch a few winks.

So, I finish my shift, clock out, term out of my Linux resources and crash into bed before supper gets going. Sarah's not tired enough to join in, but Walt is definitely leaning on his concern for me and joins in. We spoon in the way I like and soon enough, even though it takes me a while, I'm gone. Poof.

It's not long, mind you - an hour and some change before we have to cook dinner - but it's enough to strip me of that sense of distance I mentioned, earlier. Dots start to connect, and what's really fucking weird for me is that I don't so much start dreaming as I'd say I sandboxed while asleep.

It felt a little like waking up without actually waking up. I was in the same posture I'd fallen asleep in, locked in thanks to Walt's body weight and aware of the fact that I was actually in REM sleep, but the room had this hyper-vivid texture that it only gets when my brain goes hog-wild at the end of an insomnia episode. I couldn't make out anything out of the noises coming from the living room, as speech and sound were as distorted as they usually are in my dreams. What still made sense, however, were my own thoughts.

This is a longboi, folks. Clicky if you dare.

I started going over the root causes of my insomnia, starting with the fact that I had to play IT Goon for six small dealerships staffed with reticent, tech-adverse fuddy duddies and dudebros who really just wanted something to run their CRM resources and the occasional instance of Google Chrome. I have to field everything from keyboards no longer working to printers going on the fritz to login credentials with big dealerships' own Finance portals no longer being valid - all of it while keeping an eye on our Linux-using Call Centre employees, listening in on calls, taking briefs from our Marketing department (basically one gal plus Walt) and occasionally physically schlepping campaign material - albeit with some help - because most manufacturers are a bit averse to the idea of dealerships passing resources around externally.

Simplified, that gives me two large task groups:

Network Admin

The Nuclear Football, as I call my laptop that's intermittently crammed with marketing-level campaign plans that dealerships treat like they're handing us a hydrogen bomb. That mostly involves carrying it to the dealerships involved, giving it network access, transferring the relevant files and walking the staff through their resources.

I only really administer the Call Center stuff, and anything Network Admin might be involved, it doesn't drive me as stir-crazy as reassuring a bunch of Boomers and non-tech-savvy Millennials that we do, indeed, have their parent company's provided resources on-hand.

That part, and everything related to their fucking PC installs, I could do remotely - either with Microsoft Azure or Windows Server Edition 20XX.

I'm sleeping on three of my most important certifications because the people I work for are too risk-averse to realize we could just drop everything on a remote server and walk them through everything with a video call or two. Everything short of physical hardware failure, I can handle or control using a Windows Server hub and the most wonderful tool known to man, which is known as the Fucking Group Policy Editor. Pair that with a few hires we keep in-house at each dealership, and I could set things up so I never need to leave my home office ever again.

Ever. Again.

No scheduling conflicts, no waffling about because my Paratransport ride is late, no depending on Walt or Sarah when the short bus isn't convenient or fast enough.

There's just one hitch - money. I can set up a would-be master server and rope every single of our dealerships and every single of their PC installs under a single server's wing within a week or two, give or take a few days for unplanned events. Even simpler, I could do the same with Azure. Option 1 requires a wee bit more cash on the Infrastructure part but could mostly be one-and-done if we're willing to be smart about it, Option 2 requires tossing money at Microsoft on a monthly basis, at no extra power cost or space management worries for us.

Then, there's the unavoidable warts and blemishes. I'd need to image everyone's workstations across our dealerships, format their entire fleet and then rebuild everything using these images and WSE's Deployment Tools. I can't do this on weekdays, these guys have promos to run - and there's weekends where I can't do it either. Our Mercedes joint is expecting visitors by Canada Day, for instance. It's time-consuming, I'd need to plan it out with them and any time I spend setting up someone's server-based clone of their previous Windows install is time I can't spend doing anything else.

Ergo, that needs to happen during a massive holiday. The only one that fits the bill is Christmas.

Then, there's the fact that I need some leeway now. I need to go back to a decent sleep schedule starting yesterday. I can't just hold on, grit my teeth and expect to hold on for six months of this; I'll keel over before Halloween if nothing changes.

But, the fun thing with luxury dealerships is that they tend to give themselves off-weeks when sales ramp down seasonally. That includes mid-July.

I wake up with a start and, barely lucid, ring up our Mercedes and Audi clients. Confirmed: they're aiming for a ramp-down of their operations in mid-July. I briefly expose my plans, set up a Web meeting, and spend the last twenty minutes of what should've been my nap explaining to two befuddled Sales Directors that I'm about to propose gaining complete control over their infrastructure, with the included benefit of a drag-and-drop common directory where I'd simply organize promo materials as we obtain them. I could even use it to deliver patches that come to us in binaries, as a few do apply. Their on-site guys could handle printer clogs or dying USB ports, I'd take care of and automate most of everything that's software-based.

And, what I didn't tell them, is that I'd even be able to finally restrict Sales reps from unnecessary account privileges, which could make the occasional case of disciplinary action even more occasional. You can't loaf around at work watching PornHub on the job if there's a rule in place that specifically includes it in a list of banned addresses and IP ranges...

I know how it sounds - it's basic fucking barebones IT stuff, it's the fucking bedrock of Network Admin, maybe one or two rungs above CompTIA resources - but you'd be surprised at how many dealerships have exactly zero administration. They don't see the need; they're car guys with maybe one or two Web apps of choice, if any! As to why I didn't think of it earlier, it's mostly because it's not technically my job. Walt, Sarah and I distribute and manage promotional material and help dealerships to keep up with user retention and analytics. We do everything a Sales Director should do, except most Sales Directors are usually tied up with their local Karens complaining about the Service department's mechanics.

So what if we gave them an infrastructure? What if we air-gapped it, made it easily reproducible and deployable, and made it so working with us only means looking at a slightly different Windows login screen, before starting your workday?

If this works, we'll expand our services and solve most of my problems. Salesguy McGee's computer ain't worth shit? No prob, just clone his install, nuke the base, reinstall from the clone and spend a few minutes mothering it to make sure you haven't imported previously-observed bugs.

I mentioned Azure, but I know our guys won't want to contribute to a cloud budget. Again, they're tech-averse and think using the cloud means you're at the mercy of a Redmond or Seattle-based server outage. Psychologically, they'll want the comfort of their own spinning rust and SSDs. If I've got that WSE server I mentioned, it's no skin off my teeth.

So, while Walt was trying to follow along, I tried for my most diplomatic cough imaginable.

"I'd, uh, need another 20K for our IT budget. Six of 'em would go for a WSL license, the rest would go for maybe two extra 2U units over at the office."

I thought Walt would protest, but he just gave me a level look. "Will that help you sleep?"

I shrugged. "At the end of a somewhat lengthy process, sure. Relief's going to count for something, though, and I'm pretty much guaranteed to sleep like a baby tonight if you approve."

Boss Walt reacted first, by giving me a shoulder clasp. "Purchase approved. You've got our card, make it happen starting Monday."

Then followed Boyfriend Walt, who pulled me into a hug. "You're going to have to walk me through this, though - this is black magic to me."

Sarah, who'd caught wind of my WSE for Dummies talk, stopped by before heading into the kitchen. "He means he wants to be Emperor Palpatine, hon," she joked. "Ultimate power, Force lightning, no idiots being so much as able to install unsigned software on their machines, lockable USB ports - the works. You're the only one who'd need to keep visiting our guys in-person. The real challenge is going to involve letting a bunch of unaffiliated dealerships share the same basic server architecture, and even that's not too complicated."

I parted with a frayed, and possibly half-mad little laugh. "Holy shit, I'm gonna sleep tonight!"

Sometimes, one of the perks of insomnia is being able to take a few steps away from your professional bugbears and your clients' weirdo and inefficient methodology - and remembering the skillsets you actually paid for.

[seeminglyseph]

You know. It’s really weird sometimes to both realize that I have a problem with like… letting myself off the hook to just like. Put in earplugs or headphones and go to sleep sometimes when I have high anxiety because I start to feel like… “what if something happens and I don’t notice?” But that exact feeling also makes it impossible to sleep without the headphones or earplugs because I got my hyper vigilance up, but also like. Fucking. So fucking what if something happens? For the most part literally I can’t live like that. Yeah the rare situation where like. If I hear something in time I can help, but most times like… a) there isn’t a crisis where I need to be on high alert and need to leap out of bed and react to whatever. And b) like. What? Half the things I would hear would be phones ringing or dogs barking or cars or yard work. Not a crisis that needs my attention. The world doesn’t need my attention that badly.

This is such a one-two punch of like, this extended anxiety I have from like. A long time ago due to like… “if I don’t leave my phone on I might miss a call or text from a friend in need.” Because I have had so many friends who did the like. “I think I might end things” spontaneous messages that I felt in a constant state of emotional availability or else something terrible might happen. And also spending months listening for my dad falling while the ALS was in the final stages. Which I would argue was probably the most significant in this case because I missed one trying to run myself a bath and now I have trouble just being downstairs.

But also sometimes I don’t even realize it’s something that I do. Like. It just seems reasonable to like. Need to actively always be aware of your surroundings. But then it’s like “no, seph, you are not expected to sleep like a fucking shark. You’re a human. You need deep and REM sleep. Which requires you to disengage your awake mind.” Like. I just forget what normal activity is.

[quindolyn]

Could you do a marauders x reader fluff?? Like a poly relationship and it’s like Valentine’s Day or sumthing love ur writing <3

Armfuls of Sunshine || Poly!Marauders

Word Count: 2365

A/N: It’s not really valentines day in the fic or any holiday like that, it’s just that swim weather is setting in for me and I want a lazy day at the lake with the boys so this is completely self indulgent. I know I haven’t been writing a lot I’ve just been a bit overwhelmed and I wish I could say that this is a sign that my life is mellowing out but I’m afraid that it is actually to the contrary. In summary, don’t get your hopes up

Warnings: hastily written, tired while written, fem reader, kisses, lake day so reader is wearing a swimsuit, mentions of Remus’ body image issues and allusions to Sirius’ past abuse from his parents

Masterlist

You closed your eyes, leaning your head back to rest against Sirius’ shoulder who sat behind you with you between his legs. Sitting by the Black Lake he was shirtless, you adorned only in a modest two piece swimsuit leaving the skin of your belly exposed so that Sirius could trace shapes along the soft skin. With your back pressed to his chest and the sun’s rays hitting your front you were surrounded by warmth, like a nice little cocoon you were tucked into. 

With your head against his shoulder you left the side of your neck open, vulnerable, allowing him to drip down wordlessly and brush his lips over the delicate skin before finding your sweet spot on the back of your neck and nipping lightly, his hands moving to grip your hips so you couldn’t squirm out of the hold he had on you.

“Siri!” You giggled, feeling Sirius grin into the side of your neck, getting just the reaction out of you that he had wanted.

“Shhh Puppy,” He whispered condescendingly in your ear, “Gotta be quiet, can’t wake up Jamie,” He nodded his head over to your right where just mere inches from you laid the slumbering boy, all messy black curls, hazel eyes, and with a physique that had you weak in the knees every time you saw him.

Currently his back was on display for you as he laid on his stomach, his hands resting beneath his forehead acting as a pillow, you admired the way the sunlight illuminated his skin and you could see the muscles subtly shift under that skin as he breathed deeply in his sleep.

Watching him, you became aware of just how hot the sun had gotten in the hour or so the three of you had been lounging out there, waiting for Remus to finish up his prefect duties so that the four of you could go cool off in the water together. 

“We should wake him up, Siri,” You voiced, lifting yourself slightly from his lap in attempts to wake up James but quickly strong hands wrapped around your waist, pulling you back down to the spot between his muscled thighs.

“Oh come on baby, you don’t wanna do that, you know how grumpy the baby gets when you wake him up from a nap,” He murmured this mockingly into your neck, hoping that the boy he spoke of wouldn’t be able to hear him but as James let out a disgruntled groan and began to fidget you knew he was waking up.

Ignoring Sirius’ snarky remark, you leaned forward once more, this time Sirius’ hands just keeping a steady hold on your hips while making no effort to pull you back.

“Hey baby,” You crooned, supporting your weight on one hand pressed firmly to the ground while the other moved to bury itself deep in James’ locks, scratching with your nails the way you know he liked on his scalp, smiling at the content grunt the boy let out at your ministrations.

Gazing down at him you let your eyes scan his back once more, frowning as you noticed the slight pink tinge beginning to taint his skin, a precursor to what could be a wicked sunburn if not properly prevented. Letting your hand slip from his scalp you ran it down his neck and down his back, he was warmer than he should’ve been, it wasn’t just ‘laying in the sun’ kinda warm it was ‘beginning to fry’ kinda hot.

“Jamie,” You muttered again, louder this time so that you might be able to get more of his attention, “Jamie, wake up.”

“Hmmm?” He hummed, turning onto his side so that he was facing you, eyes slowly blinking open, squinting as they were flooded with the harsh light of the warm sun. He scooched himself so that he was still lying on his side but so that his head was resting against the hard planes of Sirius’ thigh, nuzzling into the soft skin half covered by his swim shorts which stopped at his mid thigh.

“You’re starting to get sunburned Jamie, can’t have our pretty boy getting hurt,” You explained to him the reason for your disturbance, returning your hand to his hair as he inched up the material of Sirius’ shorts to press kisses to his leg.

You felt Sirius shiver from behind you at the contact of James’ pretty lips on some of his most sensitive skin and you found his hand, interlacing your fingers to give him a squeeze.

“But the sun feels good,” James countered between kisses pressed to Sirius’ leg, not going higher or lower, just dancing around the circumference, tracing where the bottom of the shorts would usually sit.

“I know it does,” You agreed, gazing down at one of your three beautiful boys, “But how about you lay on your back for a little bit, let your tummy get some sun and then we’ll put on more sunscreen and hopefully by that time we’re done Rem will be done and we can go in the water.”

“Hmph,” James looked up at you, he was positioned in such a way that sunlight danced through his hazel irises, making him appear even more ethereal than usual, his tan skin glowing in the mid afternoon sun. He was the picture of effortless beauty.

It was unfair how easily the boy tanned, it was something Sirius in particular was envious of but as he positioned himself so that his lips were pressed to the shell of your ear, “He’s gorgeous isn’t he?” 

“Breathtaking,” You nodded, only breaking your eyes away from James’ face when his eyes flitted back down to the thigh he used as a pillow, resuming his dusting of feather light kisses. “Just as breathtaking as you are,” Twisting your neck you were nose to nose with Sirius, pale skin stretched across his angular features shimmered beautifully in the sun, like someone had dusted glitter along his skin in his sleep making him look almost god like.

Your eyes flickered from his unnaturally ruby red lips to his grey eyes where you noticed a smear of black makeup beginning at the corner of his eye. You lifted your hand to your mouth, licking the pad of your thumb, before extending out from the corner of the boy’s eye where his eyeliner from earlier was smudged against his porcelain skin. 

Allowing his eyes to flutter closed Sirius leaned into your touch and you felt your heart swell, there had been a point during your relationship with the three men where you reaching for his face would’ve caused him to flinch and back away, and even if your hand had somehow managed to make it to his face he would’ve sat there awkwardly and rigid until you pulled away. 

But this comfort was a demonstration of the trust that had formed, not just between the two of you but all four of you, even if one member was absent at the moment.

“There we go,” You murmured, pulling your hand back to your lap, though Sirius followed it, not wanting to break contact with you until the las possible second.

“Better now?”

“Much.”

Casting your gaze back down at the near comatose form of one of your other boyfriends you frowned as James had still yet to shift so that his back wasn’t exposed to the sun.

Though Sirius pretended not to care as much as you he too noticed the pinkish tint James’ skin was starting to take on. Resting one of his hands, stronger than yours, on James' face he began rubbing small circles on his cheek, occasionally running his fingers through the other boy’s hair to keep it out of his way.

“She’s right Jamesie,” His low baritone sounded, “Don’t need you with a sunburn so roll over for us, can put your head right back in my lap, just want you to be okay.”

“But m’comfy,” The other boy protested into Sirius’ thigh, saliva spilling out onto the hard canvas of muscle.

Knowing that if James wasn’t going to listen to you or Sirius there was one person whose opinion would matter you spoke, “Can’t have Remmy worrying about you Jamie,” You implored gently, “We’re out here to help him relax,” 

You were right, with the full moon in a matter of days Remus had been high strung, constantly fidgeting, lost in his head, spacing out during class while also hyper fixating on the most minute of details. The boy was a tightly wound mess and desperately just needed a relaxing afternoon with his three favorite people. 

If he even had an inkling that one of you was anything other than completely fine he would focus all of his energy in on that, forgetting the real reason you were supposed to be out there together.

It was those words that seemed to reach James and had him turning over onto his back so that the back of his head was now cradled in his hands which were interlocked and resting upon Sirius’ thigh, his strong, muscled legs kicked out underneath him, his ankles crossed.

You allowed your eyes to run up and down James’ impressive form, thighs just as beautiful, but more defined that Sirius’ but hidden behind a pair of coral swim trunks. His abs were without a doubt the most defined out of all four of you, like his thighs this part of his physique could be attributed to countless hours on the Quidditch pitch, training him and his team ruthlessly, pushing every physical boundary. It had obviously paid off as the strong muscles of his biceps and triceps flexed as he had his arms positioned to prop his head up.

Flicking your glance behind you you noticed that Sirius was appreciating the view just as much as you were, and who could really blame you? James was gorgeous, and he was all yours just as the stunnig boy behind you was.

Once again pushing yourself out of Sirius’ lap you used your hands to stabilize your body on the ground, your palms pressed flat against the soft material of the towel that was laid out underneath you so that your face was mere inches above James. You didn’t even bother waiting for him to close his eyes before you were melding your lips with his, closing your eyes in contentment as you felt his lips fall open for yours, his tongue peeking out to trace your soft cushions.

Reaching a hand up to cup your jaw James used it to pull your face down closer towards his. You released a muffled “umph” as you were forced to drop from your hands to your forearms to support yourself comfortably and James gently took your bottom lip between his teeth, nipping gently as he deepened the kiss.

Before you could reciprocate, matching his passion, there were another pair of strong hands wrapping around your waist, pulling you away from James’ lips and out of Sirius’ lap. 

You let out a high pitched shriek at the sudden, unexpected motion and with what appeared to be minimal effort the hold on you shifted from your waist to supporting you under the bend of your knees and the small of your back.

Not being alarmed as the deep laughter that erupted from the figure was not only familiar but reassuring, you rested your head against Remus’ chest, having recognized him instantly. Inhaling deeply the scent of the thin t-shirt he’d thrown on before making his way down to the lake after finishing his prefect duties you knew that it was no doubt either Sirius’ or James’ as the three boys rarely ever wore their own shirts, always preferring each other’s.

“Hi Rem,” You smiled, gazing up at his visage from your place in his arms, you squinted because his head was positioned directly in front of the sun, making it look like there was a brilliant halo glowing around him.

“Hi baby, I missed you,” He cooed down at you, pressing a sweet and simple peck to your puckered lips before rising back up to his full height, still cradling you in his arms.

“You can put me down now Remmy,” You giggled, not satisfied with the brief kiss he’d given you, you clasped his jaw similarly to the way James had yours to bring his lips back down to yours. 

But once again, much to your chagrin, he kept the kiss short, no matter the firm hand you kept on his jaw, perhaps even shorter than the last once before pulling away and setting you down softly on the ground, taking great care to ensure you were balanced before letting go of his hold on you.

“Neither of those were real kisses,” You complained, resting your hand against his chest, your head at a near ninety degree angle to look up at the male who towered over you.

“No?” He asked teasingly.

Rising to the bait you answered, “No.”

“Don’t whine baby,” Sirius chimed in from where he laid, still lounging upon the ground, “Remmy’s had a very exhausting day (Y/N), can’t blame him if his kissing isn’t what it usually is.” 

Pushing himself up off the ground Sirius sauntered over to where you and Rem stood, making a show as he carelessly flinging his arms around Remus’ neck.

“Now come on Remus,” He ordered with a false arrogance, “Carry me to the water!” Letting his head fall back dramatically he stood there expectantly but was met only with Remus’ light laughter as he ducked out from under the smaller boy’s arms. 

“I don’t think so Pads,” Remus said as pulled off his shirt, you grinned at the seemingly unimportant action but just as Sirius trusting you to touch him made your heart soar so did this. Remus proudly and carelessly displaying all of the beautiful scars that decorated his chest made you so proud of the progress the four of you had all made together.

“Get Jamie to carry you,” Once again lifting you into his arms Remus pressed a kiss to the tip of your nose, “Already got my arms full.” 

tagging: @randomoutsiders @weasleyposts @amourtentiaa @kittykylax @superbturtlemakerathlete @oliviashea05 @gxtitobxby @pinkandblueblurbs @st0nesnglitter @miraclesoflove @priii @wholebigboxofyikes @advictedtohim @gubleryum @temporaryissue @emmaev @zzzfour @itsmentalillness

[blue-writes-things]

Like the Back of My Hand

Remus Lupin x Reader | Fluff (and angst if you squint)

“Why were you out in the forest? You’re not trying to prank me are you?” “What? Never! We’ve given up trying to prank you, you always see them coming!”

| Masterlist |

Words: 2256 A/N: Bold is other people's thoughts (will make sense in the fic), also I’m not used to this weird post formatte thing [tumblr] has going on so I’m sorry about the strange paragraphing 

Warning: Some swearing, very mild spice at the end, just kissing tho and angst some if you squint

Feedback is always appreciated! - Blue

Sometimes it was hard to walk around Hogwarts, with the mix of the verble talk, and the internal thoughts you could hear. When you're tired it’s even worse, like how you can’t concentrate on anything right now. You were a mix of hyper aware and completely unaware of everything around you.

Like how you have no clue what Remus is saying as he walks right next to you, but you know what that first year is hoping you’re having for dinner, and how she hates the girl she’s talking to.

You snap back to reality when Remus touches your shoulder, making you jump slightly, “You ok y/n? You’ve been really spacey all day” His eyebrows are frowned with a tight line of a concerned smile on his lips

“Oh yeah, I’m all good, just sleepy” You smile reassuring him, he didn’t believe you one bit but thought better to push it right now.

“I’m good, I promise!” Saying you were ‘fine’ or ‘ok’ told Remus you weren't ‘fine’ or ‘ok’ and in honesty, you were good, and you were sleepy, but you were also anxious, and overwhelmed. But he didn’t need to know that.

You looped your arm with his and continued to walk to the library together, the full moon was this Sunday, and you knew he liked to be with you when it was close, something about how calming you are, and how you always seem to know what to say to make him feel better around a moon.

He didn’t know how you knew what to do to help him leading up to and after a full, you treated him slightly different, never pushed him too much, but still made him rest more and remember to take care of himself. He had a tendency to forget about his general health and wellbeing around moons.

It seemed like Moony was also calmer around you. The day of the moon when the wolf was right under his skin, iching to get out. When his patience was running thin and he was snappy at people. When the wolf would cloud his mind during the day more. When he would almost growl at people (or the time he almost bit Peter for being so annoying)

You knew just what to say to get him to settle, often whispering things like “Just a little longer, wait a little longer for me” in his ear almost like you were talking to the wolf directly, he would give an almost unnoticeable nod and would settle.

It was only after a bit when Remus registered what you had said he would ask you about it; “What was it that you said earlier? About waiting a little longer?” “I don’t know what your talking about Rem”

He was a tad worried you knew about him being a werewolf, he hasn’t told you as he’s scared you will reject him and be scared of him.

Yet that was the last thing you would do, he meant way too much to you to let something like that push you apart. Plus, how can you judge someone for being ‘different’ when you were yourself?

The other marauders had been helping Remus think of some way to tell you about the wolf, Remus had been crushing on you for a while now, as long as you’d been crushing on him, so before anything could happen he wanted to tell you ‘So you could run if you wanted to’

You knew they’d made a plan but you didn’t know what it was. It was strangely refreshing to not be aware of everything going on.

“So uh, if you’re up to it, er me and the guys found this place in the forest awhile ago” During a moon “and I was wondering if you’d like to see it? It’s just really pretty and I think you’d like it...No pressure though! If you don’t want to it’s fine��

“I’d love to Remi” You smile as you two reached the library.

“Does tomorrow work for you?” “Perfect”

You originally went to the library to study, which you did, just not a lot. You ended up lying on the floor near one of the windows up the back, in the orange warmth of the sunset.

Remus’ head was in your lap, he had grabbed his favorite book from his bag, one you had given him for christmas in third year.

“Haven't you read that like a hundred times now?” You laugh and Remus smiled god I love her laugh. You didn’t try too hard to hide your blush. “It’s my favourite”

“Why’s that?” “Cause the main character reminds me of my favourite person” Cause the main character reminds me of you

“You’re so cute Remus Lupin” you say with a soft smile, scratching your fingers into a particular spot in his hair making him let out a happily content sigh.

***

That night you slept better than you thought you would.

You normally don’t sleep well, as you can hear your roommates (and sometimes the people sharing your wall) dreams which was very distracting when you're trying to shut off to sleep, but you were also very excited for the next day.

Having something be a mystery to you was new and for some reason made you giddy, see when you can read minds (even though you can’t control it and hate it) nothing is new to you, nothing is surprising.

Probably the worst is that you know what people think of you, you know when people are talking about you, how they think you're weird cause you’re always staring off into space, always seem bored, when you do tests you have to go to another room. Only a few staff members know about your little ability and don’t want you to cheat, even though you can’t help it.

***

You and Remus met up after breakfast, glad it was saturday so you could spend a lot of time together. As you walked together to the forest to the supposedly beautiful place, you joked and talked, being in the forest meant that you could only hear Remus, not first years talking shit about other people, just the sweet sounds of the forest and Remus’ voice.

“How long till we get there, my feet are dying” You jokingly pout making Remus chuckle “Not to far now, you really need to get your stamina up” 

You roll your eyes and lightly shove him, quick react! he stumbled slightly, as the full moon was tomorrow he was almost rock solid and had to pretend that it made him stumble as it would any other day.

He steers you to a left turn “Ta da!” he smiles, it really was beautiful, a crystal clear pond with flowers all around, the trees were slightly denser and closer together, making it like a little pocket out of time

“Wow, Remi, this is really beautiful!” You gush with a bright smile. Best.Surprise.Ever.

“I’m glad you like it! Me and the guys found it last month” Ok, time to tell her, you can do this Remus “Why were you out in the forest? You’re not trying to prank me are you?” You playfully glare at him

“What? Never! We’ve given up trying to prank you, you always see them coming!” he plops to the ground, his legs straight out in front of him, leaning back on his hands.

You move and sit next to him leaning your head onto his shoulder, watching a stag drink from the pond ‘Hi James’ you think to yourself

“So um, the reason we were out here was…” He tails off taking a deep breath. Come on Remus just spit it out already you just wait patiently, knowing this is hard for him, telling people your biggest secret is a terrifying thing to do. “We were out here because, I’m a werewolf and they help me on full moons, to make sure I don’t kill anyone”

He tenses next to you, not looking at you as you lift your head off his shoulder Oh merlin she thinks I’m a monster this was a mistake but you don’t run away like he thought you would, you turn slightly and wrap your arms around his neck hugging him.

His eyes went wider for a moment before pulling you closer, wrapping his arms around your waist, burying his face into your shoulder and letting out slight sobs. But you just hold him rocking slightly and playing with his soft curls.

Even though Remus was literally crying, the air was so calm and still, the stag had bounded off somewhere ‘See you later, James’ he must have just been there to make sure nothing happened to Remus but now was ok giving us some space.

After a while his sobs stopped shaking his shoulders. “Thank you for telling me Remi” you say softly with a gentle smile, he pulls back from your shoulder to look into your eyes.

“Y-you’re not scared of me?” “I could never been scared of you, I couldn’t give a flying fruit flavored fuck that you’re a werewolf, cause you’re still my Remus” I’m her Remus, I’m still the same person to her

Remus gave a small yet delighted smile “Can I tell you another secret?” “I’d be offended if you didn’t tell me” you both smile

“I’ve fancied you since like third year” his cheeks started heating up, giving them a light tinge of pink

“Ok, my turn to share a secret?” He nodded, he could tell where it was going “I’ve liked you since third year too” 

You both were smiling like goofs before he tackle hugged you, making you both fall back to the floor giggling and looking into each others eyes I wanna kiss her so bad right now

“Can I share one more secret? You have to know before anything else happens” Your smile fell slightly, Remus frowned “You can tell me anything, I’d be offended if you didn’t tell me” he echos your words, Considering I just told you I was a werewolf I doubt that it’s as bad

“Ok so, I can read minds” you cringed slightly, Remus just blinked a few times “I can’t control it, it’s just I can always hear what’s going on around me, every thought and feeling”

“S-so you knew? About me being a werewolf?” Remus moved off you sitting up ‘what have I done’ you just nod looking down, too ashamed to even look at his face “Did you know that I was taking you here?”

You take a deep breath “Being here has been the most amazing thing to happen to me in a long time, cause I had no clue that you were taking me here, it was quite exciting really” You give a small sad smile

“But I guess I ruined it all haven't I? This is why I don’t tell people cause they get freaked out, but in all honesty, I hate it! I hate knowing what people think and say about me, I hate knowing when a prank is coming” You take a deep breath.

“I hate that I’ve made you hate me” a single tear falls down your cheek

“Who says I hate you? I think your mind reading might be a little off because I don’t hate you” You finally look over to him 

“You don’t?”

“No! I mean I’m not going to lie it’s a little scary to know you’ve known that I’ve had a crush on you, and the whole werewolf thing, but I actually think it’s kinda cool” He smiles, you smile back wiping your tears with the heel of your palm.

“Wait, is that why you always know what to say and do around moons!” he says with a shocked smile, you laugh a little and nod “Oh thank the founders! I thought someone had told you! Can I just say that you help so much around moons when the lil’ shit is being aggravating!” 

You laugh with him, someone being almost excited that you’ve read their mind was new and refreshing,

“Whoa, everything makes so much sense now” He smiles at you, at genuin toothy grin that you can’t help returning, you end up giving into temptation and lean forward giving him a quick kiss on the cheek, making his cheeks go red.

“You’re so cute when you blush” you tease, he scrunches up his nose a bit before tackling you again, cageing you between his arms, he looks into your eyes I wonder how she looks when she blushes.

You raise an eyebrow at him “Have you already forgotten what I just told you” he just jokingly glares at you, a slight mischievous look in his eyes before leaning down and placing kisses all over your face as you giggle “Remi, sto-o-op”

“Alright, but can I kiss you here?” he takes one hand and touches your lips, now it’s your turn to blush

“Yes, please” Moving his hand away he leans down and gives you a very quick kiss to your lips

“Again?” you pout slightly, he smirks “You’re adorable” he kisses you again, this time not pulling away.

Bonus:

Sirius and James are standing behind a tree smirking at their ‘shy’ friend being a smug tease “We’re so good” Sirius whispers high fiving James

You pull away from Remus for a moment, calling out to them “I can hear you!” the two animagi’s eyes widen while you and Remus just laugh before he kisses you again.

[malfoymanortings]

lavender and velvet //part nine

SUMMARY: she had her fathers eyes, his aristocratic looks, her grandmothers spite, her mothers heart, but the one thing she didn't have was the love of her father that her god brother received. juliet black finally meets her father who has already decided who his child is.

PAIRINGS: George Weasley X OC!SiriusDaughter

taglist: @person1839 @big-galaxy-chaos @spooderham @iamashlynmarie @acciosiriusblack @obsssedwithjustaboutanything @ivettt @msmarklee1213 @briargardens @adoregin @emptyporsche @id-rather-be-an-outsider

as always, let me know if you would like to be added to the taglist. 

thank you to everyone who has given feedback on this story so far! I’m so happy many of you are liking it so far. also, wanted to give a shout-out to @id-rather-be-an-outsider because their comment on the last update gave me an additional plot point. 💕

part one contains links to the previous chapters.

It was half past one in the morning on Christmas Eve when Juliet woke up to someone prodding her face. She blinked her eyes clearly, finally registering that Ginny was the one who had woken her.

“Ginny,” she sat up, rubbing her eyes. “What time is it?”

“Time to wake up,” Ginny grinned, her lips quirked up in a devious grin. “Or have you forgotten our tradition?”

Juliet blanched for a moment, before realization hit her. “Damn. I had forgotten. Is everyone else already there?”

Ginny nodded, motioning for her to get up. “Yes, now come on!”

Juliet lugged herself off the bed, bringing her favorite blanket with. 

Every Christmas Eve, early in the morning after everyone else had already gone to bed, the twins, Ginny, Ron, and Juliet held a sesh. The one time the Weasleys had been at Hogwarts over Christmas, Neville and Lee Jordan had joined them. It was always a tradition. 

“Well well, we almost thought the ladies weren’t going to show,” Fred greeted as they walked in. “Would have had more for us.”

Fred was sitting against his bed, a bong between his legs, George next to him, while Ron sat on the other side with his back against the wall. Ginny sat next to Ron, and Juliet sat next to George. Her bare leg brushed against his, and she couldn’t stop the chill that went through her as she did so.

“Almost thought the two of you weren’t going to show,” George grinned happily at the girls, his eyes slightly glazed. They must have already started smoking. “We had to start without you.”

“Please, you probably started sometime after Molly had gone to bed,” Juliet shook her head, spreading her blanket over her bare legs. “As usual.”

Fred blew her a kiss, winking in reply. He passed the bong to Ron, who took a rather deep hit, before coughing it out nearly immediately. 

“So far Ronnie’s the little bitch tonight!” crowed Fred, clapping his hands together as he laughed. 

“Have you cast a silencing spell yet?” Juliet nudged George, nodding towards Fred who may as well have been a warning siren at the level of his noise.

George shook his head no. “That probably would be a good idea, though.” He waved his wand, and the room glowed a bright blue for a moment. 

Half an hour later, Fred had taken to laying on the floor, furiously scribbling on a parchment a list of ideas for the joke shop. Ron was lying flat on his back, staring at the ceiling, which the twins had bewitched to display a twinkling night sky. Ginny lay next to him, pointing out different ones she saw. Juliet had rested against George’s bed frame, his hand in her lap as she played with his fingers.

George turned to Juliet, that same look on his face from Kings Cross. He blinked slowly, licking his lips. “Jules, can I shotgun you?”

Juliet felt her heart skip a beat, and promptly lodge itself in her throat. The logical part of her brain was screaming at her to say no, that it wouldn’t be good for her to do so with her newfound feelings for her closest friend, but that part of her brain was muddled and hazed from smoking. So she nodded.

“It’ll be easier if you sit on my lap.” George stumbled a bit over the last part, stretching his legs out in front of him. 

“Okay.” Juliet breathed, as though it was the most natural thing in the world. Inside, she was screaming.

Juliet hesitated before kneeling in front of George, hesitantly sitting on his thighs. She wore nothing but her oversized tee shirt that hung to her mid thighs, leaving her bare skin to sit on his flannel pajama pants.

No one seemed to notice what they were doing, but she was hyper aware of George’s body under hers. She would never have done this sober.

George inhaled deeply as he took a hit from the bong before setting it back down, and then turned his face towards hers. He reached out his hands to cup her cheeks, his fingers tangling into her long hair. Leaning forwards, he pressed his lips to hers, their mouths parted, and he exhaled the smoke into her mouth. 

Their lips lingered together for a moment longer than necessary, before Juliet pulled away to exhale herself. She coughed slightly, pressing a hand to her chest. George’s arms suddenly found their way to her waist, bringing her closer to him. She was now flush against his chest, pressed against where she could feel something hard against herself. Her eyes widened as she realized this, but she couldn’t bring herself to pull away. Partly from her hazy mind, and partly because she wondered what George was doing.

His lips crashed onto hers once more, moving with an urgency she hadn’t felt before. His hands ghosted from her hips to her hair, tangling his long fingers in the strands as he pressed her firmly against him.

She found herself wrapping her arms around his back, everything slightly tilted and out of sorts as she did. She didn’t fully register what was going on, all she could focus on was that she was finally kissing George, the boy she wildly fancied. 

As their lips moved against each other, his hands moved down her bare thighs, groping at her soft skin. His tongue felt foreign on her own, fuzzy and out of place through the hazy fog of her mind. She hadn’t ever kissed someone like this before. 

Once again, George’s hands found their way to her hips, holding her tightly against himself. Without thinking, she ground her hips against his, a soft moan releasing from her lips involuntarily. He groaned into her mouth, bucking his hips harshly up into hers.

That seemed to sober the two of them up, as they realized what they were doing.

They quickly pulled away from each other, Juliet hastily sitting back on the floor next to him, staring at the carpet as her cheeks flamed. Fred was laughing, loudly, and she didn’t dare look to see what Ron or Ginny’s reaction might be. She felt utterly foolish, and dirty. Had she really just made out with her best friend in front of his family for Merlin’s sake?

“I was wondering when that would happen,” Fred chortled, looking back down at his parchment. “Absolutely splendid.”

“What happened?” asked Ginny, looking over at the two of them from where she lay on the floor.

“Nothing,” Juliet quickly cut Fred off, standing up on shaky legs. “I just, erm, feel rather tired. I’m going to head to bed.”

With that, she quickly (or as fast as her muddled mind would allow her to) left the room, shutting the door tightly behind her, and headed to her room. What she hadn't expected was to run into Sirius, who was just leaving Buckbeak's room.

“Jules?” Sirius cocked his head, walking towards her. “What are you..” he trailed off, suddenly sniffing the air around her. “No shit? You’re high?”

“Uh, no,” Juliet wracked her brain for an excuse, feeling as though she were sorting through foam. “I am perfectly level.”

Sirius gave her a doubtful look, crossing his arms. “Perfectly level?”

“As a side bar.” she nodded, keeping her eyes wide and honest. 

Sirius blinked once, then twice. “Good Godrick, is that the best you can come up with? You’re my daughter for Merlin's sake. We’re going to have to come up with something better than that for next time.”

Juliet tilted her head, her brow furrowed in confusion. His words spun round and round her mind, but she couldn’t quite understand what he meant. He seemed to notice this, and an exasperated grin appeared on his face, shaking his head.

“I suppose I’m reaping what I sow,” he muttered quietly, almost to himself. “All those years Rems and I did this to James, of course my daughter does the same.”

“I am completely following you.” Juliet nodded solemnly, attempting to at least appear as though she were coherent and understood. 

“Right, right, of course.” 

He motioned for her to follow him, and she followed him downstairs, pausing at a door that seemed oddly illuminated by a candle burning resolutely in the hall. It had a faint and peeling silver R on the front of the worn wood. She didn’t think she had ever seen the inside of the room before.

“What’s in there?” she questioned, sticking her thumb out towards the door. “Is the R for room of requirement? Have you got one of those here? I think that’s really swell and helpful for the order, dad.”

Sirius looked taken aback, not only by her question and her mumbling, but at the fact that she had openly called him dad for the first time.

“Well, no, good guess though,” he paused, his hand limply lying on the railing of the stairs. “That’s my younger brother’s room. Regulus.”

Her eyes widened once more. “Oh wow, he’s been in there this whole time? He’s wicked quiet!”

Sirius took a deep breath, as though to ground himself. “Actually, he’s dead. He was killed by Voldemort.”

Juliet faltered. “Oh wow. Sorry.”

Sirius shrugged, continuing down the stairs. Juliet followed, taking great care to hold the railing tightly. She followed him into the kitchen, where he motioned for her to sit down. 

She sat, watching as he went into the pantry. The door creaked loudly as he opened it, remerging with two bottles of butterbeer and an assortment of snacks. He dropped the bounty on the table, and Juliet snatched a chocolate frog, suddenly ravenous. 

“My brother decided to follow the family views and joined Voldemort and his supporters,” Sirius explained as Juliet munched on the snacks. He took a sip of butterbeer. “Suppose he got in too deep, and ended up trying to leave when he realized what was asked of him. Problem is, you don’t just get to leave. You get the mark for life.”

Juliet nodded, swallowing a sip of Butterbeer and taking a package of crisps from the pile on the table. 

“That’s why I worry about you being friends with the Malfoys,” he said rather honestly, spinning the bottle cap from his drink on the table. “They’re Death Eaters, Jules. You’re a Black. A pureblood. Voldemort would love to have you on his side, especially because you’re close to Harry and the Order.”

“Don’t think he knows I like Harry,” Juliet disagreed, swallowing hard on a crisp. “Draco still thinks I’m upset that you like him more than me. He thinks I hate scarhead -Harry-, I mean.”

“I don’t like him more than you, Jules,” Sirius shook his head, looking sharply at her. “I love the both of you equally.”

Juliet was quiet for a moment, the only sound heard was the crunching of her snack. “Did you love James?”

“Yeah, of course I did-”

“No, like, did you love him as a boyfriend?”

Sirius sputtered at the question, looking as though she had beat him over the head with a bat. “For Melins sake- no, I did not love him like that! He was my brother!”

“Oh.”

It was quiet after that. The two of them ate a few more of the snacks, sipping their Butterbeer. By the time the clock struck one thirty, Sirius was herding her upstairs to her room. He made sure she was safely tucked into bed before he left, shutting the door quietly behind him.

Ginny was already in bed, her mouth agape as she snored loudly. The girl was normally a quiet sleeper, but each time after their Christmas Eve sesh she would take on the sound of a chainsaw. They always got well baked on these nights.

Juliet fell asleep nearly the moment her head hit the pillow, into a dreamless slumber. 

It felt like she had just shut her eyes when she was being woken up by a loud crack near her head, causing her to jerk awake and fall onto the floor. 

“Mphfm,” she groaned, slowly lifting herself off the ground. 

“Sorry!” Ginny was apologizing, her cheeks red. “I knocked over my exploding snap from the twins and it went off.”

“S’okay,” Juliet sat on the bed, her head feeling a bit swollen. “Oh, our presents!”

“Thank you for mine, by the way,” Ginny beamed, motioning towards the beauty products that were lined up on the dresser. “You knew exactly what I wanted.”

Juliet waved off her thanks, gingerly sorting through her own pile. A handmade knit sweater, a dark emerald green with a silver J stitched on the front, from Molly. Remus had given her an assortment of books, ranging from different healing remedies, and jinxes/hexes with their counter curses. Sirius had given her a handheld mirror, with a note detailing that he had the other and they could use it to communicate when she was at Hogwarts. Ginny had given her a book with different beauty spells, and she flicked through it to see pictures detailing different makeup looks and hairstyles that could happen with the swish of your wand. Fred had given her a jar of peruvian darkness powder, something she knew he and George had been working on perfecting for some time now. George had given her a necklace, a dainty silver chain with a gleaming crescent moon charm dangling from it. On the back of the necklace, were the words ‘my moon and my stars’, written in a glittering lettering. 

She held it in her palm for a moment, feeling it grow warm for a moment before cooling down once more. Odd, but she supposed George might have charmed it to do something special. That would be like him. She clasped the necklace around her neck, hanging below the hollow of her throat. 

“We’ll be visiting dad today,” Ginny informed her, running a brush through her hair. “Expect we’ll be leaving soon. Mums had a rough morning, Percy sent back his sweater with no note, good for nothing knobhead..” she muttered a few other insults under her breath.

Juliet stood, digging through her trunk for something to wear. She decided on a dark grey turtleneck tucked into a dark green pleated skirt that fell to the top of her thighs, and grey thigh highs with a ruffled lace trim. Her hair was left down, in neat waves framing her face, courtesy of a spell from the beauty book Ginny had gifted her. The necklace from George glittered in the light. 

Oh, Merlin. George.

The memories of last night came flooding back to her, and she nearly poked her eye with her mascara wand. She and George had absolutely made out and then she left the room. 

Her heart began racing, and as she slid on her black boots, she prayed George didn’t remember. The sound of everyone conversing downstairs floated up the steps, and she made her way down fairly quickly. She at least wanted a cup of tea and a bite of toast before they headed to the hospital.

To her delight, Remus was there and accompanied them to the hospital to visit Arthur. She didn’t run into the twins until they gathered to leave, and as George averted her eyes, her heart sank. He definitely remembered the kiss if the way he refused to look at her was any indication.

When they arrived in the room and had greeted Arthur, Remus drifted off towards the werewolf, who had been looking rather wistfully at the crowd gathered around him. Juliet followed, taking the chance to escape the stifling presence of George who was still pointedly not looking at her.

“Happy Christmas,” Remus greeted, smiling kindly at the man. “I’m Remus Lupin.”

“I’ve heard of you,” the man grunted, eyeing him warily. “You were a Professor at Hogwarts, weren’t you? Until they found out you were a werewolf.”

Remus nodded, keeping a smile on his face. “That would be me. But between you and I, I think it was rather good luck I had been outed. The kids were a bit more wild than I had thought they would be, and my daughter seemed to take a liking to keeping me on my toes.” 

Juliet smirked in agreement, he wasn’t wrong. The man turned his attention to her now, his eyes narrowing. 

“Daughter?” the man questioned. Remus nodded. “Your wife stayed with you even though you’re a werewolf?”

Remus blanched for a moment. “Well, I don’t have a wife. Juliet is my adopted daughter.”

“They let you adopt a kid?”

“I was her godfather, and when her parents were no longer around, Albus Dumbledore vouched for me.” Remus explained, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“Oh,” the man grunted, shifting in his bed. “S’pose you’ve had rotten luck with getting a job since the Daily Prophet article, huh?”

Remus shrugged. “It’s certainly been more difficult to find.”

The man nodded, looking deep in thought. “I got fired once they learned of my condition,” the word twisted from his mouth. “And I’m sure my wife is going to leave me next. She keeps wanting to visit but I don’t want her to end it while I’m laying in a hospital bed.”

“Has she given you any indication that she wants to end it?” Juliet spoke up, tilting her head to the side. 

The man looked at her as though she had grown another head. “I’m a bloody werewolf, who in their right mind wants to stay with that?”

“There isn’t anything wrong with being a werewolf,” Juliet disagreed. “I mean yes, things will be harder, but if she really loves you it doesn’t matter. It’s a manageable condition, and it doesn’t make you any less of a person.”

“You wouldn’t understand.” the man scoffed, looking towards the window. 

Juliet opened her mouth to retort, but Remus placed a firm hand on her shoulder.

“I understand,” Remus said quietly. “I was changed when I was five years old by Fenrir Greyback. I’ve had a lot of years to come to terms with my condition, and the one thing that you must remember is that it doesn’t define you. You cannot let it consume you and dictate every aspect of your life; you must learn to work with it instead of attempting to cut corners or ignore it entirely. Your life will never be as it was, but you can make your new normal.”

The man was silent for a moment, and Remus’s words seemed to sink it, as he then asked how he would go about trying to find another job. Remus conjured up a chair, settling in before telling him the different things that worked best for him. 

“Can we talk?”

Juliet turned to see George looking down at her, his face unreadable for the first time to her. She nodded mutely, following him out to the hall. He checked rooms, finding one that was empty and pulling her in with him.

It was a regular hospital room, with an empty bed and various potions lined up on the wall. It was one of the private ones, meaning there was just one bed and an accompanying bathroom. 

“I wanted to say that I was sorry about last night,” George said slowly, his words clear. “I wasn’t thinking clearly, obviously. I didn’t mean to overstep any boundaries.”

“Oh,” Juliet responded, feeling as though she had been winded. Her chest stabbed painfully. He said he wasn’t thinking clearly. “Right. ‘Course.”

“So yeah,” George rubbed his neck, teetering on his feet. “So we can forget that it happened, yeah? Go back to being normal?”

“Yeah, of course,” Juliet responded, but her voice was too high and didn’t sound at all like herself. “No problem. I think I’m just going to go back to the room, now, before anyone starts to wonder where we went.”

“Right, of course,” he responded awkwardly, moving towards the door. “So, no one has to know, Fred already promised he wouldn’t say anything.”

Her chest burned with shame. He didn’t want anyone to know that they had kissed. She felt mortified at the thought, he probably wouldn’t want anyone to know he had kissed a slytherin who was two years below him. How embarrassing! And she supposed he was worried about Alicia Spinnet, surely she wouldn’t be too happy to hear about that. And George certainly wouldn’t want to mess that up, she was perfect for him. Pretty and a Gryffindor, sans daddy issues.

“Right, wouldn’t want Alicia to get upset,” the words came from her mouth before she could stop them. “Wouldn’t want you to lose your dream girl over a stupid mistake.”

“What do you-” 

Before George could finish his sentence, she darted from the room, blinking back tears that threatened to spill from her eyes. His rejection had hurt, and she hated that anything had ever happened. No matter how much she had kept thinking of his lips on hers, she would forget it all happily if it meant she hadn’t gotten a taste just for it to be ripped away. How could she just be friends with her best friend who had broken her heart without even knowing it?

By the time she had gotten back to the room, everyone was getting ready to leave. She quickly made her way to Remus’ side, keeping her head down. George had reappeared a few minutes after her, and no matter how many times he tried to get her attention, she pointedly ignored him as he had done to her that morning. It would do her no good to fill her mind with empty fantasies of what would never be.

They went back to Grimmauld Place, where Molly blasted Christmas carols in the living room, and everyone gathered to celebrate the last hours of the holiday. Juliet, Ginny, and Hermione danced along with Remus and Sirius, who kept giving each other the most peculiar of gazes. It was funny for Juliet to see how surprised everyone else was at Remus’ carefree attitude, as they had known him as their teacher. They didn’t know of the days he would dance with her to muggle music in the kitchen.

By the end of the night, everyone was rightly tired out from the excitement of the day. Juliet had made a quick race to her room, having successfully avoided George the entire night. No one aside from Fred had seemed to notice something was off between the two. 

As she clambered up the stairs to her room, she very nearly ran into Kreacher, who was skulking around the portrait of Walaburga Black. He was muttering to himself, and gave her a dirty look as she apologized for running him over.

“Masters daughter apologizes to Kreacher after not watching where she was going, reckless like her father, not like Master Regulus...”

“Regulus?” Juliet questioned, recalling the name from the previous night Sirius had found her high. It was his younger brother, her uncle.

Kreacher nodded eagerly, his large eyes widening. “Master Regulus was so kind to Kreacher, he was the best son of Mistress, most loyal, and Master Sirius acts like he was a dirty no good swine...”

When Kreacher spoke of Regulus, his face took on an unexpectedly soft look of yearning and admiration. When he spoke of the way Sirius viewed his brother, hatred seeped back in and twisted his features.

Juliet paused for a moment, gathering her thoughts carefully before she spoke. She knew that Kreacher seemed to idiolize Regulus, which could explain some of the dislike he harbored towards Sirius. If she were to jump into claiming the things Sirius told her about his brother, that would make Kreacher upset and she would likely never hear more from him on the subject. A large part of her suddenly wanted so desperately to know of her Slytherin uncle. Maybe he had been the same as her, thought of as a typical Slytherin with no one if any bothering to look beyond his house.

“Regulus was my uncle, right, Kreacher?” she questioned, watching his head bob as he nodded. “Can you tell me about him?”

Kreacher eyed her cautiously, his mouth forming a tight line. “Why does Mistress Juliet want to know about Master Regulus?”

“Well,” she paused. “He was a Slytherin like me. He probably would have understood things a lot better than my dad.”

Kreacher nodded vigorously, eager to talk badly about Sirius. “Master Regulus was much better than Master, yes, he would have understood more, so smart he was, not a nasty Gryffindor like Master, proud of his bloodline and good to the very end, especially to Kreacher.”

Juliet bit her lip, waiting a beat before she asked. “I would have loved to know him. Can you tell me... how did he die?”

Kreacher opened his mouth, but before he could say a word, Hermione came up the steps, bumping into Juliet.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Hermione exclaimed, placing a hand on Juliets arm. “Oh, happy Christmas Kreacher!”

Kreacher scowled immediately, muttering under his breath, “mudblood addresses Kreacher like he cares about her, speaking to the house elf of the most noble ancient House of Black, dirty girl...”

Hermione gave a pained smile, brushing past the two to her bedroom. Juliet cursed her timing, now Kreacher was wandering off down the hall.

“Kreacher,” she called, making the house elf pause in his steps. “Can you tell me about him tomorrow?”

Kreacher gave a jerky nod, and continued off down the hallway. Juliet sighed, and headed off to her room. At least tomorrow, she would find out more on her uncle.

As she got ready for bed, she slid the moon charm along the length of the silver chain, pondering her feelings for George. What she had hoped would be a passing crush had turned into a full blown issue for her. What was she going to do?

The charm once again heated up in her grasp, before cooling back down. She narrowed her eyes, and set the charm on her bedside table. She hadn’t asked George about it. She didn’t get the chance.

Tossing her blanket over her body and burrowing into the bed, she shut her eyes. Ginny’s soft breathing lulled her to sleep, her conflicting feelings of George tightening in her chest.

[maybedefinitely404]

Day 22: Dukexiety

@tsshipmonth2020

Day 22:  When you close your eyes, you can see what your soulmate sees.

Content warnings: Sleep deprivation/what could be considered insomnia, food mentions, energy drinks, parental abuse, drunk abuse, mentioned anxiety attack, physical altercation, dissociating, school security, maybe PTSD?

Word count: 3.5k 

For as long as Remus could remember, he’d hated sleeping. 

At some points it got so bad he couldn’t function. Falling asleep at the breakfast table before violently jolting awake, asking his mother or teacher to repeat things four or five times until it finally clicked that they were asking if he was okay, staring off into space for what felt like a couple minutes, only to learn that it was several hours later and he’d missed dinner. Roman had gotten used to his twin’s habit of losing sleep, and although it never ceased to worry him, it became more of a given thing that if Remus forgot to do his chores, it was (most of the time) an accident. He’d walk into their shared room and snap his fingers in his face a few times, ask if he wanted dinner until Remus finally understood, and then help him stumble downstairs. 

It was also a given in their family that if Remus ever did fall asleep, whether in his own bed, or on the couch, or outside in the backyard, never wake him up. He so rarely got any rest whatsoever that the seldom times he was able to conk out, it wasn’t uncommon for him to be down for over twenty hours. In those cases, their parents would silently close all the curtains and shut off the lights if he was indoors, or cover him with their deck umbrella and lay a blanket on him if he was outside, and make it law to not disturb him. He’d miss school, it was fine, just let him sleep.

And it was all because of his soulmate. 

Because it wasn’t so much the act of sleeping in itself that he hated. No, the times he actually got deeper than the REM phase, when he was actually out, it was amazing. Blissful and relaxing and made him so hyper aware when he finally woke up. Like the colors were no longer dim and words made sense the first time they were uttered. It was the actual act of falling asleep, when he had to close his eyes but was still fully conscious, that he hated. 

He didn’t have a proper idea who his soulmate actually was. Every time he closed his eyes and their vision fused, when he saw everything his soulmate saw from their perspective, they never seemed to be around a mirror. That would have made life a whole lot easier, if he only knew what it was. Then at least he’d have a chance to save them.

It started when he was little, when their soulbond was just forming. Back then, it was still shaky and glitchy, sometimes showing what his soulmate was seeing, and sometimes just showing the blackness of his eyelid. He saw grassy fields of a park that he couldn’t identify, a dimly lit bedroom with toys scattered on the floor, the night sky from a window that wasn’t his. But then it morphed; playgrounds becoming littered liquor bottles on the floor of an unkempt living room, dark lego-covered carpet evolving from something once played upon to something his soulmate was thrown harshly onto, the view of the stars suddenly filled with the face of a screaming man. The man. 

Remus had no idea who the man was, but he knew his face well. He knew every fury filled expression on his drunken face, the way his nose wrinkled in disgust, how his mouth twisted and contorted as he screamed. Their ears weren’t connected, so he couldn’t tell what the man was saying, but it was punctuated with flying fists and hands gripping collars, thrown beer bottles and pushes to the ground. It didn’t happen every time he closed his eyes, but it had happened enough for Remus to suddenly jerk awake the moment their vision was shared out of pure panic. It happened enough that if his mother reached up to adjust his hoodie strings, he’d flinch violently, or when Roman snuck up on him just a little too quietly, his hands would fly over his face to protect himself. He wouldn’t develop bruises, or take the undoubtedly cruel things the man said to heart, but he was still affected. If he tried to sleep, and the man appeared in his sight, he’d bury his face in his arms, eyes wide and staring at his pajama pants, knowing what was happening to his soulmate however far away they were and he was unable to do anything to help. At least he could open his eyes and be free of the horrors. It was only in the rare instances when he’d close his eyes and his soulmate was already asleep, revealing nothing but the black void behind his eyelids, that he could actually sleep. 

When Roman awoke that morning, he blinked his bleary eyes and turned to the other bed in the room, sighing when Remus’ bloodshot eyes met his from where he was curled against the wall, blanket wrapped around his shoulders. The bags under his eyes had worsened more than they had before. If he was counting right, this was the third night in a row that Remus hadn’t slept at all. The last time he’d slept had been days ago, and only been for a couple hours before he awoke with a sob.

“Are you okay?” 

In a move unlike Remus, he shook his head no. He rarely admitted that he wasn’t fine, but it was getting to that point of almost mania where his eyes glazed over every couple minutes, hands constantly shaking, unaware of anything around him.

“You probably shouldn’t go to school today.”

“It’s f’ne,” Remus mumbled, hitting his head into his arms, “T’st in Engl’sh. Gotta go.”

“It’s not like you to care about school.” Roman threw his blankets off, noticing the way Remus flinched at the sudden movement, and began to change out of his pajamas.

“S’nior year. Failing Engl’sh. Ac’demic probation.” 

“Ah,” Roman hummed, gingerly placing a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie in front of Remus. “Is English your first class?”

“Mmhm.”

“How about I drive you back home after your test?”

Remus had zoned out, staring blankly at the clothes in front of him, so Roman took that as a yes. As much as he hated letting Remus go to school when he was like this, he knew that if he didn’t drive him, Remus would find a way to go by himself and probably accidentally walk into the highway or something. 

By the time Remus zoned back into the real world, Roman had left the room. Lethargically, he changed into the lazy outfit Roman had placed in front of him and pushed himself off the bed, debating if he had the energy to brush his teeth or not. Just as he was considering just pouring the toothpaste into his mouth and gurgling it, Roman walked into the bathroom with an open can of Monster. 

“I have a stash in the basement so Mom doesn’t find them. Keep it down low and don’t take them, or I’ll cut you off.”

Remus didn’t even realize he’d grabbed the energy drink until he had half finished chugging the can, almost sighing at the immediate burst of adrenaline. 

“Hell yeah.”

“Get ready and be downstairs in twenty minutes or I’m leaving without you.”

It was an empty threat, they both knew it, but Remus rolled his eyes anyways and set about to brushing his teeth, pulling out his phone to check the time. There was a barrage of missed messages and notifications that he hadn’t been able to care about after sleepless night number two, so he sent back explanations to the people who’d questioned his disappearance and gotten up to date on what he’d missed on social media. 

He stumbled downstairs as Roman was opening the front door, offering him a bagel silently. Their parents were both at work already, so they locked the door and got into Roman’s car. Remus wasn’t allowed to get his license, not when there was a solid chance that he’d fall asleep behind the wheel. 

“I’m driving you home after English, capiche?”

“I’d probably skip after the test either way.” His hands twitched against his bouncing legs, still unbearably exhausted but now with his heart beating at a rabbit’s pace. 

“You are not walking.”

“Yes, mom.”

Roman let out a tired sigh, leaving the drive quiet except for the soft sounds of the radio hosts. When they pulled into the school lot, minutes before the bell, Remus was getting out of the car before it had stopped all the way.

“Meet me in the main office after first period, dipshit!” Roman yelled as Remus disappeared into the building, flipping him off and letting the doors close behind him just as Roman shouted something else. Whatever. 

While caffeine was perhaps his most helpful crutch in this nightmare that was living, it had side effects. As soon as his test paper was down before him, his mind completely blanked of every word he’d ever heard in his entire life. Though, in all fairness, that also probably would have happened without the energy drink. He was so used to barely sleeping that it had become a norm to him, but it wasn’t a healthy way to live, so even if he’d learned how to function on twelve hours of sleep a week (on good weeks), his brain hadn’t quite caught on.

The instructions for the test wavered and throbbed before him as he blinked his eyes rapidly, trying to banish the blurriness from his sight. He could barely hold a pencil in his shaking hands, his thoughts somehow flying at the speed of light and equally as stuck and lethargic. Pretty much how he felt. 

“Remus?”

His head flew up, his unruly bangs flopping into his eye. Since when did he need a haircut?

“I’ve been calling you for a few minutes now,” His teacher said quietly. Although they were trying to hide it, he could see his classmates glancing at him from the corners of their eyes, “Are you alright?”

As if perfectly on cue, he could feel his mind zoning out again, vision going blurry as his thoughts disappeared. Vaguely, he could feel a gentle hand on his arm slowly lifting him to his feet, a voice giving a foggy command to the class, and then he was led out of the room, the painfully bright hallway lights blinding him. It also brought him back to the present, ever so slightly, as he was taken down the hall to the main office. In the back of his mind, he was grateful for it, because this was where Roman would pick him up. Did this mean he was going home now? Was the test over?

“-last time he slept. He keeps zoning out. I think it would be best if he went home and retook the test another time.”

Hm? He blinked hard, until his eyeballs hurt, to try and get the gears in his brain to start working again. The teacher was talking to one of the secretaries, and they both kept looking to him in concern. 

“Can I call someone to come pick you up, Remus?” The secretary asked, already flipping through her contacts book.

“His brother also goes here, and can probably take him home. Would be easiest,” The teacher cut in before the question had even fully settled in Remus’ mind, and he internally cheered. At least that was settled. And by the sounds of it, he could do his test another time, which was a huge weight off his shoulders. He didn’t have, nor desire, Roman’s perfect grades, but he at least wanted to graduate.

“I’ll get him excused from class. Thanks for bringing him by.”

Remus blinked again and realized the teacher had left, leaving him wavering in the middle of the office in front of a very worried secretary. She was saying something, her mouth was moving, but the words didn’t compute. However when she gestured to a dimly lit backroom, he got the message and stumbled in, nearly collapsing on the small cot in relief. The door was closed nearly all the way, leaving just a crack of light shining through. 

As much as a nice break the darkness was, it just made his eyes want to close farther, and took twice as much effort to keep them open. Pulling at the skin in the corners of his eyes, he reluctantly sat up and focused his stares on the miscellaneous anatomy posters on the wall. 

That was when his gaze fell to the hunched form in the corner, staring at him with dark glistening eyes, and he nearly fell off the cot.

“Jesus fucking Christ!” He yelped. The figure flinched back, curling more into the chair they were perched on. 

“Sorry. She told you I was here when she brought you in. Didn’t you hear her?”

“In all honesty, no. I didn’t.” The two kept at their staring contest for longer than necessary, before Remus decided to break the silence, “So, what are you in for?”

For a good minute, he didn’t think he would get a response. The guy kept staring back at him, like he was trying to size him up, before he muttered, “Anxiety attack in class. Teacher forbade me from staying here.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“Yeah, well…” He finally broke the eye contact, staring down the nails he was picking at. “What about you?”

“Haven’t slept in three days, I think. Maybe four? I was all zone-y during a test so the teacher said I had to go home.”

“Damn teachers and their sudden respect for mental health.”

Remus snorted, resting his head against the wall. “Why’d you have a panic attack?”

“None of your business. Why haven’t you been sleeping?”

“Soulmate stuff,” Remus answered easily, not put off by the other’s suddenly annoyed tone. It wasn’t common to be unable to sleep due to a soulmate issue, whether it was trauma or another issue entirely, but it wasn’t unheard of either. 

“Oh.”

“Yeah, it sucks. Still don’t wanna tell me why yo-?”

“No.”

“I accept your rejection and will now take my leave to cry in the bathroom stall.”

The other boy actually snickered, a reaction Remus had been wishing for but hadn’t dreamed to expect. He waved a hand dismissively. “I hope you have a good cry.”

“Aw, thanks,” Remus cooed, leaning forward on his hands. “I haven’t seen you around. What’s your name?”

“Virgil. Only moved here recently.”

“How recent is recent?”

“Couple months.”

“Ah. I’m Remus. School disgrace, nice to meet you.”

“Oh boy, befriending the wrong crowd already.”

“I would be offended if you weren’t correct,” Remus grinned, hitting his baggy eyes a couple times with his fists.

“Virgil?” The nurse poked her head through the door, squinting in the low light, “Your dad’s here.”

Virgil stiffened immediately, casting Remus a look he didn’t quite understand before getting to his feet, pulling his bag onto his shoulder. She smiled at him and opened the door wider, gesturing for him to exit.

That’s when Remus saw him.

Him.

It took him a moment to understand that yes, his eyes were open, and yes, this was the man from his shared vision with his soulmate. 100% him, the same dark eyes and half grimace, except now wearing a pristine three piece suit that very much didn’t match his memories of him. He was signing a sheet, presumably to ensure that he’d picked Virgil up, and didn’t notice as his son stood frozen in the doorway, watching him with fear filled eyes.

Remus jumped to his feet, stepping next to Virgil.

“That’s your dad?”

Virgil let out a choked hum, one that was probably meant to be an affirmation, before gripping the strap of his backpack. “Why?”

“I’m your soulmate,” He said with absolutely zero tact, and the way Virgil’s face paled was enough indication that he’d understood. He gently laid a hand on the shorter’s shoulder, a silent indication to ‘stay here’, and marched towards the man at the desk. 

“Can I just say one thing?”

He looked up, surprised, and gave Remus a once over. His stomach twisted, being under the man’s gaze, the person who had made it impossible for him to sleep, now in front of him. Eye to eye, he appreciated, because in all the times he’d seen him second hand, he’d towered over him. Now they were the same height, and that brought a sick joy to him.

“I suppose?” The man asked, voice as calm and professional as his suit, looking to the secretary with an almost laugh.

“With all due respect,” Remus snarled, hand curling into a fist, “Fuck you.”

And then he hit him. Hard. All his pent up anger, years of watching his soulmate get beaten to a pulp, losing sleep until he was a zombie of himself, panic attacks of pure worry and fear, flew out in one punch, hitting him square in the nose and sending him stumbling back.

The secretary yelled something he didn’t hear over the blood pounding in his ears, and suddenly two arms were wrapped around his waist.

“Let me the fuck at him!” Remus screamed, fighting against the grip with everything he had. The man was on the ground, staring up at him with equal parts horror and pure rage, dabbing at his bleeding nose.

“Remus, breathe. Just calm down, you’re okay. Just breathe,” A shockingly calm voice whispered in his ear, and he immediately sagged against his brother, the restraining arms becoming supporting. 

“That’s him,” He said weakly, pulling away so he could turn to Roman, “That’s him.”

Roman furrowed his brow for a moment, looking between his twin and the man on the floor, before his eyes widened. He knew all of Remus’ stories, being the one a young Remus would come to when the visions got so bad he’d break down, listening to his rants about the abusive guardian of his soulmate. 

“Call the police,” He deadpanned, turning his glare to the secretary.

“I don’t think Remus-”

“Not for Remus, for him!” 

A gasping breath caught everyone’s attention and the focus shifted to the boy still standing on the doorway, his expression one of absolute terror, staring at his father. Remus broke completely away from his brother to cross to him just as the office door slammed open, two security guards-- the secretary had probably called them at the first punch-- taking in the scene before them. He could vaguely hear Roman explaining the situation, glad that he didn’t have to justify anything because he would most likely just end up throwing hands again. 

Virgil watched him approach, almost cowering in on himself, as Remus extended a hand. 

“Let’s get out of here. You’re not going back with him.”

It took the shorter boy a second, a nervous glance between his earnest eyes and the outstretched hand, before he took it in his own. Remus let a relieved smile take over, interlocking their fingers and leading him past the scene. As he passed a still talking Roman, he swiped the car keys from his pocket with no one any wiser.

“He’ll notice eventually,” He stage-whispered as they exited the large double doors, making their way through the parking lot. “I can’t drive, but we might as well sit in the car until Roman’s done.”

Virgil was quiet, allowing himself to be led through the rows of parked cars before Remus stopped, unlocking the doors and sliding into the backseat, pulling his soulmate in after him. There was a blanket tucked under the front seat and he yanked it out, unfolding it as well he could in the cramped space. 

The shorter boy was shaking violently, trying to hide his hands and now bleeding fingernails in his hoodie sleeves. Remus, for maybe the first time in his life, opened his arms for a hug, and was genuinely shocked by how fast Virgil lunged into his grip. He didn’t have many soft spots, but he could make one for his soulmate. 

“You’re not going back to him. Over my dead body. We’ll figure everything out later, but for now-” He shuffled backwards, leaning his head on the window so Virgil was basically laying on top of him, “I don’t know about you, but I have about a million hours of sleep to catch up on, so I’m going to catch a cat nap before Roman’s done.”

“It’s been a long day.”

“And it’s not even noon,” Remus snickered, maneuvering the blanket so it covered them both. 

He closed his eyes, and for a split second, all he saw was himself, from a lower angle. It was disorienting to say the least, but before he could comment, the world was engulfed in black as Virgil closed his eyes as well.

And for the first time in… who knows how long, Remus wasn’t afraid to sleep. 

[dulcesiabits]

Oooooo yeah I totally get what you said!! Obviously rem's biggest flaw is her dependency and inferiority towards others, (mainly ram and subaru) I don't and I never want to romanticize that in the slightest!! Not even the author did! I hope he gives her proper character development in arc 7 where she becomes more independent and less obsessed with Subaru. But my ask about reader being xiao's rem, I was only referring to her speech/confession lol I don't think even xiao would appreciate the reader becoming obsessed and clingy with him lmfao they'd probably scare him. All I want is for my poor boy to hear some words of affirmation and a wholesome hug, maybe a kiss on the forehead too 🥺🥺 he desperately needs it! 😣 also you didn't sound harsh at all! If anything I truly enjoyed your commentary, not alot of fans see the characters relationship as that deep they only care about cute waifus which sucks :')

Ohhh, I see, you’re absolutely right on that account nonnie!!! Xiao needs so much love 🥺! My apologies for not understanding what you meant, haha,,

I imagine the thing that gets to Xiao the most is all the little gestures reader does to show they care for him. Playing with his hair, reminding him to be careful when he goes out, giving him forehead kisses, waiting for him to come home.... it’s been a long time, if ever, since someone has cared about Xiao like this and he can never get used to it at all...

Reader cups Xiao’s face and he loses his breath for a moment, everything stilling as he’s suddenly hyper aware of their touch and nothing but their touch. It takes him several seconds to get used to this feeling before he lets himself lean in, closing his eyes as he savors their warmth. He wonders if he even deserves this much...

To one hit KO Xiao simply tell him you love him and he’ll be out of commission for the whole day haha 😌

On another note, re:zero honestly has such great characters, plot and world building!! Watching season 2 has reminded me of that! And, yeah, I hope that Rem gets more development too haha ^^’ (Spoilers for season 2, but I don’t know if I like how they sort of fridged Rem for Subaru’s development sigh,,, I’m sure she’ll come back, but it’s still a little hmmm for me,,)

[thehouseoforion]

Lucid Dreaming for Beginners

Two years ago, my anxiety had gotten absolutely out of control and every single night I would lay in bed in a panic. I wasn’t sleeping and when I was, each slumber would end in a horrifying episode of sleep paralysis. There were numerous reasons at the time for my inability to get some soothing shut-eye. Suffice to say that everything from my love life to my professional life had sped out of control and I no longer wanted to be, well me, anymore.

If I did manage to drift off at a normal time, I would soon find myself seemingly waking to the rapid pounding of my heart, beating itself wildly in my chest, my bedroom door opening as someone entered.

I could feel the weight of the bed shift, one knee on the edge, then another, and the weight of a body settling itself beside me. I longed to open my eyes as the body stretched itself across the mattress. Finally, I would pull my lids apart, the suction of the dream loosening slightly enough for me to escape. Simultaneously I would erupt into tears and curl into myself, wishing for anything to make it stop.

I tried taking long hot showers at 2 a.m., pacing carefully-chosen paths throughout my apartment repetitively until I could breathe again, I even attempted to just stop sleeping entirely at one point, although that didn’t last very long as I am a Cancer through and through.

It wasn’t until I began reading about lucid dreaming that I finally felt as though I may have found something that could actually assist me and get me back to sleeping sound once and for all.

There had been many times in my life during which I would come-to in a dream. I would get a sudden surge of adrenaline as it would occur to my wide-awake brain, that my body was still sleeping soundly. When you know you are dreaming in a dream, it’s an empowering feeling. You can do what you want, say what you want, even change the entire landscape of the fantasy you are immersed in. The thing I had to learn, however, if I wanted to stop my nightmares, was how to actively lucid dream, rather than just stumbling into it by accident now and then. And that is exactly what I did.

What is Lucid Dreaming?

Lucid dreaming is the act of being conscious while you are sleeping. In other words, you’re dreaming and you know you’re dreaming. Lucid dreaming most often takes place during the REM cycle of sleep and can be achieved both with practice and without effort. Most of the time, those who are participating in a lucid dream can also change what is occurring in the dream at their will.

How Can You Learn to Lucid Dream?

There are many different ways to learn how to lucid dream. For me, however, there are a couple of ways I have found over the years that come easier to me than others.

Reality Testing

The first and most common way people learn to lucid dream is by practicing reality testing while they are awake. I know, it seems strange that something you do while you are conscious could affect your ability to recognize when you are in a dream, but trust me, it works. When you reality test, it’s a way of teaching your brain the difference between being awake and being asleep. You can do this in several ways.

For instance, every few hours you can look into a mirror and inspect that your face looks normal. When you see that you appear to look the same as you always do, you can surmise that you are awake. You could also do something as simple as pushing your hand against a table, wall, or anything solid to ensure that nothing out of the ordinary occurs, this is training your brain what reality is and what it is not.

Some people choose to set an alarm on their phone that will alert them every few hours so that they can complete their reality check and get into the habit of always being hyper-aware of their consciousness. After you become accustomed to these checks, you will also become much more aware when you are dreaming and your face doesn’t look the same as it always does when you look in the mirror, or when your hand can freely pass through and object that it normally would not.

By asking yourself, “Am I dreaming?” while you are awake, you will find that you become much more aware of your consciousness, even when you are sleeping.

Wake Back to Bed Method

Another common way people learn how to lucid dream is by interrupting their REM (Rapid Eye Movement) cycle of sleep. This can be done by setting an alarm for five hours after you go to bed. When you awake, you should take 20-30 minutes to complete some kind of task that requires your full attention, (so no television). Most commonly, people will use this time to read or to journal. After the time has passed, you simply turn out the lights and go back to sleep. The chances of you lucid dreaming will now be much easier as you will have the chance to reenter your REM cycle while you are still alert and conscious of your activity.

The Rope Technique

The last and final method I tried and the one that worked for me the most over time is known as the Rope Technique. This method is also used in astral projection, although, we will cover that later on. For now, let’s talk about what the Rope Technique is and how it allows you to enter a dream in a lucid state.

The entire process of this technique is very simple once you learn it but can be frustrating at first try. Plain and simple, once you lay down, you want to pretend you are climbing a long rope, like the ones they used to make kids climb in P.E. classes before they realized that kids hanging from a rope at the top of a 30-foot ceiling probably wasn’t the safest way to teach exercise.

Now, the key here is to only focus on the climbing of the rope with your mind. You do not need to visualize the rope, but instead, try and duplicate the mental anguish of the rope climb. Think of how your teeth would be gritted, how your movements would be strained, how you would doubt yourself or cheer yourself on, and all the while, keep your body still and relaxed.

Eventually, when done right, you will begin to feel your body buzzing as your consciousness exits your body and enters your dream. From here, you can choose how to proceed.

Trying It

If you cannot get the hang of one of the methods, choose another one and try that. You are most likely to find success lucid dreaming when you pick a method that feels as natural as possible to you. If you are uncomfortable in any way, you will be unable to find the concentration you need to awaken your consciousness in a dream.

Have you ever tried lucid dreaming? We would love to hear about what methods work for you!