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kingmystrie · 4 months ago

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FACTORS AND YOU

(A GUIDE TO THE EFFECTS ON HUMANS DUE TO THE BLOOM CONVERGENCE)

this question was asked on my main blog, but I thought that this deserves to be on my art blog since it's about my characters (and I drew art for it!)

Consider this guide to my world building as my innovation/contribution to the furry fandom!

STRAP IN THIS IS A LOOOOOONG ASS POST:

The world of AatW is primarily inhabited by humans like us! Except, they look different...

They just look different due to the effects of the bloom convergence, an important historical event in the world of "Arniela and the World" which sets our world apart from our main character Arniela.

The bloom convergence event was a massive supernatural event that completely broke the rules of physics, geology, biology, mathematics, chemistry and all human reason. During the bloom convergence, the earth grew twice as large, every landmass shredded and shifted irrespective of tectonics plates and every living thing completely transformed overnight.

[Img ID: Example of post-bloom biodiversity, examples being the domestic shorthair cat diverging into the common gryphon and a snitten as well as an avocado diverging into a lycado, a glowing bulbfruit and a false kiwi, with an extra arrow pointing to more possibilities not listed /End ID]

As mentioned with breaking the laws of physics, somehow the earth didn't implode or explode or whatever, and there were significantly less tsunamis and earthquakes than one might expect with the complete shredding and rearranging of the planet's crust. This event still resulted in devastating amounts of human loses and was a major set back to society as a whole, but it wasn't as apocalyptic as one might expect.

The event is referred to as "The bloom-convergence", bloom refers to the changes to living beings, convergence refers to the changes to the planet. This post will focus on the bloom aspect of the bloom convergence.

Every anthropomorphic character regardless of "species" is actually biologically human.

As you can see here with one of our characters, Linda, those who were alive before the bloom-convergence once looked like any other human alive today.

The "species" someone is is not a different species at all, but rather a set of "magical phenotypes" referred to as Factors.

[Img ID: AatW character Linda standing next to herself before the bloom convergence, she is a zoomorphic barn owl character who looks like a typical "furry" character. Next to her, her younger self is clearly seen as a red-headed human. Besides the two is a tiny family tree with herself, one of her husbands (named Bo) and one of her daughters (named Core). The family tree notes that Linda has the appearance of a barn owl, Bo has the appearance of a highland cow, but core looks nothing like either of the two animal species, having mismatched horns and an extremely raptor like face, and notably strange red eyes. Above it says "Factor Mutations are common" /end ID]

Everyone who was alive during the bloom-convergence only has one factor that is heavily based on real-life animals we are around today. This is unlike the mutations that plants had gone through, which are significantly more fantastical at times (re: bulbfruit). Factors function much more similar to a kind of phenotypal set of "genes" however, these "genes" are not linked by someone's actual genetics despite being attached to them, hence the need for their own name, Factors.

Factors can be passed down by someone's parents. As seen in the image above, Core retains Bo's horns and a similar ear type to him. Also not depicted is the fact that Core and Linda share the barn owl traits of wings and talons for feet.

But something is off here!

Notice that Core has red eyes despite neither of her parents having them, and the fact that it's an unnatural eye color for humans. Notice her mismatched bent horn? More notably, why does she have sharp teeth???

Core has a factor mutation! These are quite common!

It is not unheard of for children to acquire factor traits unrelated to their parents, it doesn't always happen, it's more of a sometimes thing than a frequent thing, but it's common to see it happen. The most common type of factor mutation is gaining traits from other similar animal species to one of their parent's factors. In this case, Core has taken on ancient therapod attributes of a raptor!

Other common mutations are slight unnatural attributes, like her red eye color, despite not having attributes to a Factor that has red eyes.

With all this in mind, as people continue to have children traits from different Factors will continue to mingle and mix until these "species" are indistinguishable from each other. However, the bloom convergence only happened thirty years ago from the point of time of the story, so this hasn't happened yet!

Additional note: every single person who was alive for the bloom convergence gained traits from a unique species, so you can tell if someone is older than thirty just by looking at them in AatW.

Factors can effect sex characteristics!

[Img ID: Drawing of a person with boobs with an arrow pointing to the same person but as a snail, underneath the human it says perisex, underneath them as a snail it says factorsex. Underneath the drawing it shows a person with boobs lose their boobs after getting a bird factor with the caption "people also lost their boobs". Above these images says "Factors effect sex characteristics". To the side there are people of different factors, nationalities and races with the caption "Factors are NOT determined by race, ethnicity or nationality" As an example of one drawing there is a panda who is guatemalan and a chinese american peregrine falcon. /end ID]

This is my favorite part: Factors can change a person's sex characteristics! Whether they like it or not, factors can, and frequently do! Change the sex characteristics of a person.

For example many terrestrial snail species are hermaphroditic, as many people are familiar with, humans are typically gonochoric. This means snails typically carry sexual traits which we consider both male and female, whereas human's sexual traits tend to be grouped with each other in a specific way leading to the idea of 'male' and 'female' sexes.

Hermaphrodite is a slur when used to describe humans. People who carry both male and female sexual traits are intersex, not "hermaphrodites". People who are not intersex are perisex. The term intersex includes wide variety of different bodies and sexual characteristics it is not just a person with both a vulva and a penis, which is a very rare form of intersex characteristics.

Obviously, I don't want to use a slur to refer to the way factors effect sexual characteristics, but I don't want to conflate this fantasy element of my world building with real life intersex people, so I have opted to refer to sex characteristic differences based on factors as factorsex.

There are characters who are intersex in AatW, however this is a different thing from factorsex, as in real life many gonochoric species will have individuals with mixed sexual characteristics for their species. For one example, it's fairly common for female deer to have antlers and vice versa!

An example of factorsex could look like having snail's mixed genitalia as mentioned earlier, but it could also look like someone with a moth factor losing their genitalia altogether after metamorphosing. factorsex expressions are as diverse as intersex ones.

Noted but not generally considered a factorsex condition: A lot of non-mammalian people lost their breasts after getting non-mammalian factors.

Factors are NOT determined by race, ethnicity or nationality.

Factors have nothing to do with where someone used to be from, or where their parents came from, or even where they lived before the bloom-convergence, the assignment of factors was completely random.

This is a very important aspect of world building to me because it needs to be obvious that the 'species' differences in AatW are non-allegorical.

Racism, xenophobia, etc. all exist in AatW as is. I do not fuck with race realism. You can think of factors more as a strange "third gender" of sorts, its own unique social reality for the characters of AatW.

Discrimination against certain factors does happen, but it isn't structural discrimination. Older generations who are not used to the whole everyone being animals thing might find someone with a spider factor or snake factor to look untrustworthy or "creepy" due to the visual similarities to real spiders and snakes, but you will never see something like "all snakes are untrustworthy scammers" be a popular opinion. Factor differences simply haven't existed long enough to have those stereotypes to have a cultural foothold yet.

#mystrie does art #worldbuilding #fantasy world building #AatW #arniela and the world #core #linda #bo #bloom-convergence #image described

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viole-santori · 6 months ago

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⛓ Viole's Voice Claims! 🦂

The voice claim video in this post is also added to the info post for Viole Santori (Des). The voice claims are credited in the info post by voice actor names only, the details for the choices made and portrayals used for the video are only in this post.

This video was edited by me but the artwork is commissioned from Serenity @leonakingscholarship (thank you again, ily!).

This took an embarrassing amount of time to make ngl-

(Yapping about the voice choices + naming the VAs w/ links below)

Their Japanese voice claim is Miyuki Sawashiro playing Masami Iwasawa from Angel Beats! (one of my favorite anime of all time and a very sad series). This is why their singing voice claim is Iwasawa's singing voice from the anime (the singer, Marina). Note that links for characters may contain spoilers for the media they come from.

Iwasawa is one of my favorite characters of all time. I love both of her voice actresses dearly for this performance, but I think that this is only a part of why I associate this voice with Viole. Iwasawa has a mature-sounding voice that is somewhat removed from what she says (we later learn that this may be due to her trauma). Her somewhat pained line that turned into relief (the line from the video) is how I imagine a Viole who has realized they are allowed to feel their feelings outright without holding back might sound.

Their English voice claim is Brina Palencia, a voice acting legend best known for playing Ciel Phantomhive from Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler). Ciel is the character being portrayed in the clip that I have selected for this video. This quote comes specifically from one of the OVAs in which Ciel was performing Hamlet for whatever in-lore reason.

Ciel sounds a bit rougher/deeper than Viole would, but the general vibe of this performance and accent are very close to what I imagine. Viole has an old-school way of speaking that I associate with a British accent. I personally hear all the Diasomnia boys with this accent.

As mentioned, the line used in the video is from the OVA where the Kuro characters are performing Hamlet (dubbed). I chose this line because the old language fits Viole and because, similarly to Iwasawa, Ciel speaks with distance from his meaning and true emotions. This is how Viole carries themselves. Viole, in addition to having an accent, speaks flatly like Ciel does about half of the time and tends to have a general seriousness to their tone.

They do not express emotion often even if they can force the mannerisms of a "proper lady" into their speech when called for, Viole's style of speech is also simply how they are. They have been like this since childhood and are some manner of neurodivergent.

Even with those they are close to, like Yuuri Kawara (Yuu) and Deuce Spade (ship), they still lack the same emotive tones that most people would use. A vocal performance of Viole would need to convey a lot of emotion with a limited tonal range.

In the end, I think that I would still picture Brina's voice for it as I have heard her playing more feminine characters like Fairy Tail's Juvia Lockser. Viole's ideal voice would be similar in pitch to Juvia with Ciel's flat affect and British accent. The Brit in them is strong.

If you have seen a performance by Brina Palencia that fits this description better, please do let me know (thank you!). I'd be interested and I like hearing other voice roles for people, too!

Thank you if you read this far!! I appreciate the time spent :)

Viole Santori (c) @kiyomizuki Twisted Wonderland (c) Disney Japan Template from @unfinished-projects-galore (post) Do not repost or use this art or edited video without my permission. Copying and/or stealing content is not nice behavior. Please link or reblog if you wish to share this post with others! Thank you for your support.

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aziraphales-library · 1 year ago

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Lost Fic #169

Not specific lost fics, but I’ve spent weeks looking for fics likes these and haven’t really managed to find any, so we’re throwing them out in the hope our followers know of some!…

1. Hi, do you have a link to a fic where the plot is this; Aziraphale being the angel of queer longing and art and letters and documents and films throughout centuries depicting A and C as impossibly in love with each other? Thank you. - @aroaceblackhole

2. Hello! This is a very odd request but can you help me find a fic where Crowley kills himself and Aziraphale founds out and ALSO kills himself? Or it can be anything in along the line of being killed (Ex: Aziraphale got killed so Crowley kills himself) as long as they both die at the end. I am so sorry if this is super weird to you but i've been trying to find it everywhere but i just can seem to find one. What you are doing here is amazing and i have read such amazing fics because of you. Again, i'm sorry if this request makes you uncomfortable but you're my only chance of actually finding gut wretching fics to violently sob myself to. - anon

3. Hello! I identify with Crowley deeply so if you have a human AU where he treats his abusive parents as a relationship with god I’d appreciate it!! Thank u - @brainwormscauseswisscheese

4. Hello, dear mods! Hope you're having a lovely day. My question is actually 2 mildly relatable questions. I'm looking for humorous fics with either self-mocking or character-mocking author. An example of the latter I saw a long time ago, and it was in the author notes where they joked about something like "well done Crowley, it's not gonna bite you in the ass later in any way, not a chance" and it was a really fun addition, I'm sure some may have put such comments in the text too, but even "they're so dumb" in the notes will do. Example of the former is WyvernQuill's "yes and please and thank you", where they joke right in the text about leaving a character in a tough situation for three years of hiatus, and again, right in the text, do things like "wait, esteemed reader, I'll go check up the synonyms" and proceed with a highly eloquent sentence using like 4 of those. I enjoyed it immensely and would love to find something similar. Thanks! - @greendrawer

5. Hello lovely! I know you have your brilliantly organised tags and I this is an oddly specific ask so I hope you don't mind. Do you have any very fluffy or hurt/comfort ineffable husbands fics with bare skin contact? Not necessarily NSFW or anything, although I don't mind. Thank you! - anon

If you know any fics that fit the bill please include the number in your reply! Thank you :)

- Mod D

#good omens #lost fic #ineffable husbands #mod d

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felassan · 1 year ago

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An interview video with Mark Darrah called "An Interview With Mark Darrah - Creativity, BioWare, and the Industry!": [source and watch link]

Video description: "I was fortunate enough to speak with Mark Darrah, former BioWare vetran, about his time at BioWare, his success, his challenges, and the role of video games in the art world. Thank you again for this chance, Mark!"

Some notes from it under the cut:

There was a question around the topic of games today taking a longer time to come out, getting restarted/rebooted along the way, ideas being scrapped, constant iteration etc. It was asked whether this is unique to BioWare or is it a common issue in the industry more generally. Mark: “So, Dragon Age: Dreadwolf had some particular things involved, some of which are externalities coming from EA, but yeah, video game development, the complexity has been going up exponentially. Games these days, and not just BioWare – five years is probably a good average for games coming out now. That was not the case even five, six years ago. Things have gotten incredibly expensive and much slower.

DA:O was originally conceived as being a spiritual successor to BG. It was a lot of different parts being developed unfortunately independently of each other, and then basically being glued together into something. For example, the darkspawn in DA:O as a faction don’t have very good or sensical visual coherency (they don’t really make sense as a group of things caused by the same thing). Since then there has been a lot more care taken towards the DA IP and making sure it at least has rules that it doesn’t violate, or ones it violates on purpose as opposed to accidentally. The IP has some strong core ideas about characters first (though it wasn’t always saying this out loud), people, power comes at a cost, everyone thinks they are the hero of their own story, etc. Those sorts of things inform most of its development more than anything. You should in most cases be able to look at the villain of the game and go, oh yeah, I get what they’re going for. (In DA:O this is Loghain). “Like, ‘yeah, I get it, I might even agree with you, but I’m not going to let you destroy the world because of what you believe."

EA, like most public companies, is reluctant to spend money to various degrees because the more they spend, the worse it makes their profitability look. One of the reasons why BioWare ended up being bought in the first place was because they had basically run out of money. They ran out of money in the pursuit of quality ahead of everything. But the problem with this strategy is that, if quality is ahead of everything then you’re probably going out of business. On the flipside, in a big public company you often have the opposite problem arising, where it’s profitability ahead of everything. This results in constraints and more constraints on people, and also in more pressure to do more profitable features that might not be quality features. Microtransactions and other monetization models that have arisen in games more recently are sometimes attempted to be rationalized as ‘for the player’, but they’re really money-making features. If you’re putting quality first you’re probably not putting those kinds of features in. If you’re putting money first, then you probably are.

Horses exist in DA:I because at the time it was being made in, a fantasy RPG needed to have horses in it (a ‘table stakes feature’; a feature that needs to be in the game just for it even to have a seat at the table, otherwise people aren’t going to take it seriously). Open world in DA:I was similar. Unfortunately, with open world it needs to be an A or B feature in terms of quality, not a C feature, in order to be good enough for the player. With horses, you do them (at that time) because you have to. With open world, it takes over your entire game unfortunately and modifies the structure of the game as a whole.

Collaboration at BioWare got better over time as the culture matured but also as the structure and systems matured. BG1 had a team of around 65 people, a size which is pretty easy to collaborate at. On DAI the team was well above 400 people when outsourcers are included in the figure. That team size is much bigger, to the point that it wasn't possible to interact with everyone on the team. In the early days of BioWare, disciplines like design and art were considered to be very separate things that didn’t need to interact with each other very much. By the time Mark was leading at BioWare, this had really changed - teams like design and art were working together much more collaboratively, in order to build a better experience. You see this in the games, the more recent ones now have levels that make more sense for the gameplay (now not designed by one discipline in isolation from the other).

By the time BioWare was bought by EA, EA wasn’t buying ‘not-franchises’. DA:O was envisioned as a standalone game. This is why it has lots of weird bits of lore in it still that are kind of timebombs. They largely moved beyond and patched over these, but there are still lots of weird things in it that aren’t fully taken into account. DA:O should never have been a standalone game, it should have always been envisioned as a franchise of some sort as opposed to being retroactively envisioned as one. “So that was a mistake from the beginning.”

On Frostbite as the engine for DA:I: at the time, the political climate [in EA/BioWare] was such that the options were to keep trying to make the game with Eclipse, which was not practical, or Frostbite. There just wasn’t an appetite for anything other than that. DA:I, out of DA:I, ME:A and Anthem, is actually the game that approached Frostbite correctly. It was then followed by the other two games which didn’t do that. “Frostbite is scapegoated and blamed for a lot of BioWare’s woes. On ME:A and Anthem there’s some truth to that, but a DA:I built on Unreal isn’t a radically different or better game.”

ME1 made the engine mistake of trying to force Unreal to be an Eclipse. This essentially meant that the engine was constantly fighting back against the devs.

If Mark had a time machine, he would make some changes to the Hinterlands in DA:I and shave some of the worst edges off of DAII, like moving that one spot in the repeating caves, having Varric lampshade the repeating caves in dialogue, and making it so that you don’t have to fight Orsino. “Anthem’s launch would require more than a time machine.”

ME:A is at least partially a victim of circumstance. It came out with a few particular bugs in it that it didn’t need to. These bugs had been fixed, they just didn’t make it into the release build. The game then landed on top of Zelda and Horizon Zero Dawn, in a climate that was really paying attention and was very critical.

There was a decision during ME:A development to change its tone to a lighter, younger tone than the tone of the MET. The PC of the MET is a Generation X PC, like someone from action movies in the 80s. The PC of ME:A is more like a PC from action movies in the 2000s. This change in tone was controversial. A lot of the pushback ME:A received was more about this tone change. Mark said that he was against it at the time but that he thinks that ME:A probably made the right decision.

“I’m not convinced that BioWare should have been making Anthem. It was conceived by Casey Hudson as something very different than what launched, some sort’ve multiplayer, storytelling. I don’t believe that those problems were actually truly solved. He left in 2014. Whatever he was imagining wasn’t communicated to the team clearly enough for them to execute on his vision. Anthem was basically Destiny, but it was envisioned before Destiny existed. After 2014 they weren’t really acknowledging that they were making Destiny.”

[source and watch link]

#dragon age: dreadwolf #dragon age 4 #the dread wolf rises #da4 #dragon age #bioware #video games #mass effect #mass effect: andromeda #anthem #long post #longpost

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emstargazer · 7 months ago

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Not sure if these will turn out to be just recurring OCs with a brief backstory or a full-on written fanfic centered around these two or some other format, but either way... Berserker Armor inspired Titan whose Pilot mimics the arsenal Guts uses throughout the manga when paired together with the Titan's loadout and whose relationship with them has an ominous side reminiscent of Guts and the Beast of Darkness.

Does anyone on planet Earth see the vision?

For which audience is this post supposed to cater, you ask?

Me, I am the audience.

Don't worry, I'll be reasonable and put my self-indulgent rambling under a readmore. Beware of some minor spoilers for Berserk.

Considering Vanguard-class Titans are "almost as well armored as a Legion, with the dash capacity of a Ronin" I feel like it fits best class-wise, but it would be a heavily modified Vanguard-based that sacrifices a lot of its defensive capabilities for an incredibly aggressive self-destructive approach to combat. It would also take some design inspiration from Ronin Prime, specifically the concept art (inheriting similar legs and the plates on its sides that remind me of air vents, which I may repurpose to introduce a cooling system) while still preserving the overall structure of a Vanguard. So think of Ronin Prime(Concept) +BT(or FS-1014 or SDV) +The Armor.

They utilize a unique Sword Core that would at first be identical to the regular until it one day develops to have the same, yet way amplified benefits with one additional being the ability to "keep itself together". What I mean by that is while the core's active it's able to keep most of its components functional despite sustaining damage that would otherwise prove to be fatal by using technology similar to the Gravity Star ordnance which upon activation would bend space so that said components can still work in unison, albeit semi-efficiently. It doesn't necessarily repair, but it does let you keep on going for longer even after your Doomed State health bar has completely depleted(yeah, I'm also trying to look at this from a gameplay perspective).

Hmm, sounds familiar.

But the real fun lies in its major drawbacks. First of all, if it does get to a certain point of no return, you won't be able to eject and once the Titan Core ability ends an explosion is imminent. Basically making every instance you use the core into a likely suicide mission. A risky last resort rather than an ultimate ability.

Secondly‚ after every usage the neural link gnaws at your psyche, leaving you with a mental scar, meaning your mind(notably your judgement and self-control) gradually deteriorates over time.

This issue derives from the very nature of the Titan, because its AI is designed to have such a strong link that it inadvertently has access to something which can only be detrimental in the long run and that is the deeper unconscious layer of the Pilot's Mind.

Initially, Titan's AI will have its own set of characteristics, but the better the link becomes, the Titan's control over filtering those unconscious thoughts will falter. Until eventually, the AI splits into 2:

The seemingly original, true self(I know, one may argue that's not the right choice of words, but I disagree considering we've seen how far the Titan's AI can evolve with BT)

An independent personification of the Pilot's Jungian Shadow(I wonder what kind of dynamic will they and the Pilot have, image below definitely unrelated c;)

Now, about the Pilot. Anything relating to their backstory before being assigned with [insert Titan's designated name](been researching military alphabet and code words for ideas, still haven't thought of something that sticks) is currently undetermined.

What is set in stone is they don't have any idea either due to being revived as an advanced simulacrum, until they achieve a complete awakening(like Ash or Revenant) by the unique link they've established as such. The Titan could give insight into the inner workings of their mind that they couldn't fathom as a human, let alone a digital backup of human consciousness with restrictions(ego retention system).

Once awakened, their main objective is to uncover lost memories through the use of said link. The catch is in the drawbacks and the eventual separation of the Titan's AI.

First one is mostly self-explanatory, even in the case that the Pilot's mind component remains intact and gets miraculously brought back into a spare robotic body, it would certainly be a limited resource(same with the Titan) and there would always be a high chance of data corruption.

Second one turns their journey into a ticking time bomb, making every subsequent combat encounter push the Pilot closer to inescapable insanity.

Birth of the second AI inside the datacore causes the Titan's original self to fight for control and question whether the other one is a part of who they are despite originating from someone else, while the Pilot can only bring words of encouragement from inside the chassis.

A story about a Titan and Pilot who both struggle with their identity leading them to form a connection that goes beyond the neural link itself. Exploring how in the journey of self-discovery what one might find to be a part of who they are may in fact be working against them and despite that one should learn to accept it and acknowledge its existence in order to have any control over it. All while affirming interpersonal connection as one of the necessary steps in learning such a lesson.

With hopefully a lot of emotional damage sprinkled along the road.

To the arsenal we go, Titan's loadout would consist of:

an energy-based weapon with a repeating crossbow-like mechanism visually resembling the Ballista from Doom Eternal.

And, you guessed it, The Giant Ass Sword which is preferably going to be unnecessarily longer and thicker than Ronin's canon broadsword to the point where it should theoretically be ineffective, but as a consequence of their unique fighting style and years of accumulated battle experience they'd be able to find unconventional ways to use such attributes to their advantage. Why not use a standard edition broadsword like all the others? Both of them got too attached to their sweet heap of metal^_^. Another significant distinction from it is that instead of using electric charge to produce the Arc Wave, it would harness it to send a shockwave through both the "phase dimension"(one used by Ronin, Simulacra Pilots and others) and our own making it able to damage even those currently occupying the alternate dimension.

Again, one might guess where the general idea comes from.

When it comes to the Pilot's design, I'm keeping it mostly unknown for now. They will be using Pulse Blade since it's the closest thing to Guts' throwing knives and one of their arms will have a use as an Anti-Titan weapon. As ordnance, a large amount of miniature frag grenades.

Ok, I think going into deeper intricacies would be overkill, so I'll put my foot on the brake here.

If you've read this far, I'm beyond grateful you took your time to go through the amalgam of my sporadic unorganized ideas.

Here's a treat!

#warning: long post #this has been sitting in my drafts for weeks since I wasn't sure if I wanted to extend it and put The Tags. decided not to since quality-#of the post could be waaay better for reasons mentioned below #the idea hasn't been sitting on my mind long enough for it to be fully polished‚ but I couldn't for the love of me get it out of my head #and I don't know anyone who would be willing to read/listen to all of this‚ so a yapping session here it shall be.#it's an early prototype and I can't let myself start working on it until I've done a lot more research AND sharpened my skills.#which may take... years for all I know since my eloquence‚ overall drawing and especially my writing skills could use a LOT of work #since I was on a creative block for years‚ but so help me god I'll make it work. now I'm finally starting to break that shell a little #not even counting my current lack of time due to obligations and other priorities #em yaps #operation: icarus #<<<custom tag for the project

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kihakugato-art · 9 months ago

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The Harriet Pinup Art Project

Session 0- goals and preparation

Out of the sessions this one will probably be the wordiest- my apologies that I can't break it apart with more images! Hopefully the future sessions will have more show and less tell.

Goal for this project-

To make a good enough quality artpiece that it could be printed as a poster or print. I won’t end up making it an actual print since it entails some considerations I’d rather not mess with, but I’d like to at least push my art to that quality. This is my loftiest of my goals but a goal nonetheless.

To finish this piece within the month of September. It’d be nice to get it done sooner, and its equally possible that I may end up finishing it later than that, but I want to take my time with this piece for longer than I normally would for an art piece. I rarely work on my pieces for longer than a week on average.

What is the planned setting/composition for the pinup?

A candid of Harriet sitting on the edge of the deck of her ship (or off of a dock) all chill albeit possibly mischievous. She will likely be holding/eating a grilled fish on a skewer, giving lowkey implication that she snatched/stole it out from the ship’s kitchen/BBQ before mealtime.

The outfit will preferably have shorts/daisy dukes, a top of some sorts, draconian features out (so her lil penguin wings and her long flippered tail, maybe also feathered webbed hands/feet) in her human form for added interest, with a shirtless/tits-out as an additional outfit variant (I hope to come out of this project with at least 2 different versions- a sfw and more nsfw version). Her happy trail must be in view as well as her chest to add to the pinup-ness.

I may also give a canon-compliant colour pallete (so the teal/red/white) for her outfit as well as a non-compliant variant (the colour those clothes would be normally in the real world) depending on how well the colours compliment her.

Inspiration-

Of all things, the one that finally motivated me to think of taking a crack at it, it was the Brazillian Miku art trend. Created by ErinArtista (artpiece link X).

Tanned skin, teal hair, tomboyish energy, the parallels to Harriet are very similar which made it hard not to think about her when seeing the trend spread in full force.

The version that really got me thinking of Harriet in such an outfit was by irreligiositat (artpiece link X) which gave the interpretation of Miku having a big teal happy trail. Being Harriet has a blue-green happy trail herself, it caused the final mental click.

[image source]

Before this I had previously thought about drawing Harriet in “sexy” outfits- especially Mordred’s shorts/coat outfit (no surprise since I credit Mordred for being some of the inspiration for Harriet).

Although other OCs in a pinup artpiece have crossed my mind before, Harriet has always been the easiest to imagine; she canonically sometimes straight-up walks around shirtless or nude out on the deck of her own ship simply cause she’s the carefree type to do so! No other OC of mine is that bold (barring some WIP NSFW OCs that are still baking in the brain oven).

As I’ve been feeling more comfortable/bolder I have grown more motivated to explore this kind of art.

Preparations

Inspiration/reference board/folder

Collect images to assist in compiling/understanding the art being created. I don’t do this too often unless I’m very uncertain about certain details for the art piece. Also being I don’t draw often enough the references help give some guidelines for the brain to follow.

[yes I am well aware of how sus the third folder looks- don't make me bonk you for the obvious]

While the number of folders/images may grow as this project progresses, I am currently starting with 4 folders with 49 different images total; A folder for backgrounds, cooked/skewered fish, outfits (particularly daisy dukes- cause I had some confusion on certain art depictions of them that I had to get clarified on), and various sitting poses that come close to what I’m after. Also Harriet’s reference sheet so we can keep more inline with the iconography of her design (and also help when we get to including her draconic features since I’m not used to drawing a transitional form).

Canvas preparation and tutorials

I’m starting this on Clip Studio Paint with A4 paper dimensions (albiet with a stupidly large canvas size to avoid accidentally drawing too small) with 300 resolution.

For tutorials I am currently starting with only one- how to use 3D models in CSP, since I have never used this feature before, and I feel this could be extremely helpful on quickly getting an idea of what will look best for this composition.

youtube

Pretty cut and dry overview, even if it’s a lot of new information to take in. In the future I may use the fancier features of it such as making specific body types (meaning I have help with grasping Demauria and Riivar’s absurd height differences) but for this project we will start/stick to the default body even though it’s not quite accurate

With the new information I imported a female 3D model from the materials section, and selected one of the sitting presets to get started with.

I also imported the top poses from my inspo board onto the canvas so that I can quickly reference from them while working on messing with the 3D model.

Depending on how well I can mess with the poses I may even do more than one 3D’d pose so that I can compare/contrast which I’d prefer for this piece.

[Session 1] [Session 2]

#artists of tumblr #artists on tumblr #The Harriet Pinup Art Project #GRAND WALL OF TEXT JFC #wall of text #art process journal #Youtube

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mattress-ing · 10 months ago

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Alr I read your discription (cracks knuckles)

My Guy I genuinely am going fucking feral over your fucking jrwi fic’s and shit so much I got curious and read some of your others for fandoms I’m not even into and it was so fucking amazing dude like- I can’t even put into WORDS how much that shit rotates in my fucking brain I am a microwave and your written words are like, a hotdog, or smth whatever you microwave ig that’s literally what’s going on in my brain dude “creation is special” repeated in my fucking skull for like an hour earlier I cannot be more serious bro

Okok you said questions not just like, telling you abt them lmao

1 THE FUCKING SCHEMATIC FIR GRYFFONS ARM?????? HOLY SHIT?????????????? Are you gonna include images in your fics ? B/c if so you’ve gotta include that bro I can’t fucking believe that has like 11 notes on here it’s fucking insane (I can’t get the image of the bonus one out of my head either it’s just AGSHSGH)

2 I saw you had a mini fic on here which had some similar sentences as what’s in ao3 is Adrift gonna be like a longer version of that where you include more shit you couldn’t then ? Idk IDK it’s cool I like it

3 I fucking love how you wrote alphonze dude ik these are supposed to be questions but I love him I love the little details like how gryffon calls him a metal man instead of a robot (because he sees him as a person! Who’s made out of metal!!) and I almost Never see how his eyes glow in most fics and fan art and stuff and one of the first things abt him being described IS those lights? In the always nighttime place?? Fucking phenomenal dude oh my shit bro I’m losing it over here

4 are you gonna write in meeting earl and queen and the other crew members when they show up? B/c if so I’m so looking forward to seeing how you paint them through gryffons uh, eye

Yeg 👍

- @nathsolkyoako (this is a side I can’t send an ask off anon lmao) (also I commented on your fic :D)

Alofijrhendco this goes to that one post about comments making a writers day, I feel famous lol and it means so much to hear you’re enjoying my writing <3

I’m not sure yet if I want the schematics to be in the fic or if I want to leave a link to the post about them in the notes. I'm deciding if I think they'll add or distract from the story itself.

You’re absolutely right, Adrift is my expanding on the mini fics because I had way more I wanted to explore with Gryffon specifically. Honestly, the tumblr fics are usually to make sure I’m still writing stuff I like when I’m feeling down in the dumps for not having a major fic in progress

Alphonze my beloved is going to be the second most developed character in the fic, since it's main purpose is to be a ship fic lol

I don't think Earl and Queen are going to feature much in the fic. Earl doesn't interest me that much (sorry king, love the juices though) and I think we'll get more of Queen's backstory when they pick the campaign back up so I don't want to get attached to a headcanon, especially since the information we have on it is pretty vague.

Also, thank you again so so much for commenting, it made my day to have my writing complimented

<3 <3 <3

#jrwi riptide #jrwi gryffon

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odysseys-blood · 1 year ago

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This is literally the first time ever ill do one of these after being tagged in ig bc i always forgot! anyways got tagged by @taketheringtolohac for a "9 people you want to get to know better" game!

Last Song: Sway - A Trak & AJ Christou ft. Duckwrth

i luv duckwrth and this song is super wavy someone come dance to it with me

youtube

Favorite color: Idk what to call it like a wine purple? this thang and similar shades

i also rly like deep reds too. if u ever notice i accidentally tend to use mainly the red-blue portion of the color wheel in art and its not a concious decision either it just kinda happens and i try to steer away from it every once in a while and it never sticks.

Currently Watching: nothing rly!

it takes me forever to start watching things and get through them. The last series i finished I think were Witchblade and Link Click abt a month or so ago. I was also planning to watch yuri kuma sometime soon bc i remembered ppl posting about it but i never watched it while it was airing, as well as a rewatch of banana fish bc my brother brought it up bc he was using it as a topic for his paper recently????? i dont even know why he knows it but oh. well i guess. was also gonna watch mignon but the art style is getting me and my city hunter plans have been dashed by the sheer volume of episodes scaring me for now

Sweet/Spicy/Savory: i like them all!

not sure i rly prefer one over the others but i like to bake so maybe sweet. did you know my baking enemy is cookies idk what it is but if im making my own from scratch somehow they always turn out wrong. fav thing to bake is cinnamon rolls i just havent done any in a while bc they take so long (also bc i wanna do peach cobbler style cinnamon rolls which ive done before! but that takes extra long bc of the extra toppings you have to make)

Relationship Status: who want me

Current Obsession: ok prefacing this with these r not good games and im gonna censor the names so they dont show up in tags

i got into some eroge gacha named wh*t in hell is bad back in october and it has not let up since. i filled an entire sketchbook almost w/ doodles of my mc. also replayed through nu c*rnival recently bc they added voice overs for almost the entire game for the second anniversary (ive been playing since maybe 3 months after its release). everything is on the backburner to me rn besides these games and maybe the everyday maintenance of shinozaki bc im thinking abt finishing it bc i love it. anyways forget abt those last two and look at shinozaki

Last Thing You Searched: list of mythical weapons

this was not for anything important except that i rly wanna get a black cat and name it excalibur (nicknamed cali for short). however excalibur is exclusively for if i get the litte black kitty of my dreams but if i get a cat w/ another coat eventually i have to pick a different name so i was brainstorming.

i didnt think this was so long (///￣￣///)

anyways ill tag @meicheesecake @feluka @beepiiboop @nil-number @theunstablejester @luminousrabbittt @scamoosh @tilapiamafia and im forgetting names but if u wanna do one then tag ur it ☆〜（ゝ。∂ )

#cliffnotes/.txt #tag game #long post

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jeoseungsaja · 3 years ago

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♚ HOW ART IS SEEN

Art is something that the current three versions of my muse share. All of them appreciate it and/or embrace it in different shapes or forms.

VERSE ONE: DEATH WILL FIND YOU.

◍ In the show, it is seen that Reaper, during his life in Goryeo as the King Wang Yeo, draws and paints a picture of the Queen, Kim Sun, years after she passes away. It’s, in a sense, seen as a way for him to express his deep pain and regret toward what he did when he was younger. He spends hours upon hours trying to get the perfect drawing; makes a mess with other failed drafts until he gets to the one pictured above. Kim Shin takes the painting with him and keeps it safe throughout he centuries; becoming an important piece that leads Reaper to know more about himself and the sting he carries. ◍ Based on this, I’d like to think that Reaper unconsciously has a link with art, even if he no longer remembers that he used to paint and draw. He appreciates paintings, feels a sort of calling toward them but he cannot explain why. ◍ Of course, his painting skills won’t be as they used to, since he has no memory of them. However, if someone were to teach him and guide him on how to paint, he’d be able to pick it up easily, as if he was born for it. This is because his life was once tied to this type of art. Not that he’ll learn within seconds, but perhaps he’ll be capable to have a fair grasp in a shorter period of time compared to average. ◍ In modern days, he doesn’t really do any drawings or paintings. He does visit art exhibitions from time to time because he likes looking at the art others display, but hasn’t really tried to create his own. One of the things he does on paper, though, is write in Hanja with a writing brush and black ink. He actually has scrolls upon scrolls in his room and these papers are usually crowded with messages holding his thoughts about who he could’ve been in the past.

VERSE THREE: I DREAMED OF A HAPPY ENDING.

◍ In this verse, Hyuk is also tied to his past life even if he doesn’t know it (or...even if he hasn’t deciphered that his nightmares are connected to his past life), and so, some things were carried over, such as his ability to draw and paint. ◍ This is one of the few hobbies that Hyuk actively pursues and it helps him to relax and distract himself. The painting technique he usually uses the most is watercolor; sometimes he’ll combine charcoal with the watercolor once it’s fully dry; do some blending if needed. ◍ His sketches consist of faces, mostly. He can certainly draw other things, but he prefers to do portraits the most. Hyuk really finds the diversity in faces interesting and beautiful; how every single person is different in their own way, not only physically but also in how they build their lives. As well, in this verse, he deals with people who aren’t exactly the best, especially when it comes to solving cases and being witness of gruesome things, so to find the beauty or believe there’s still good in people sort of inspires him and gives him ease. ◍ He tends to draw the faces of people he’s fond of. Also, he’s made drawings of the faces he’s seen in his nightmares, since some are very (and inexplicably) vivid. He also creates his own ‘characters’, just a mixture of features that come to mind and such; lets his mind run freely when needed. ◍ This detective here has a lot of sketchbooks and notebooks full of painted pages, all saved in specific drawers. He also has a small area where he gathers all his paint tubes, brushes; all the items and materials he needs to paint. ◍ He doesn’t really share the fact that he paints/sketches/draws. It’s like a ‘hidden hobby’ that only people very close and dear to him might know about. Since he pursues this hobby as a form of catharsis, he prefers to keep it private.

VERSE FOUR: VERMEIL GUARDIAN

◍ Wang Yeo used to pursue the art of painting and drawing back in his times as a King. It’s something that I mention on this post as well. ◍ He draws whenever inspiration strikes and likes to do it as to capture memorable events or people in his life, as well as important information that’s easier to identify through drawings. ◍ He can paint about any topic, but his top two are nature and the faces of people he’s fond of. ◍ When it comes to nature, he’ll make sketches about flowers, trees, herbs, etc. He actually has a series of journals that he started making years ago, where he’s been drawing medicinal and useful plants. All of these drawings have notes with their importance and uses (sometimes they have recipes or how to use them when dealing with particular situations). The drawings featured in these journals were sketched with pencil and/or ink brushes. ◍ When he does more intricate drawings, sometimes he likes to add color and will also pursue the watercolor way; following softer hues. Most of the times, though, he leaves his drawings in a black and white format. ◍ Out of the three, Yeo is the messiest with his hands because he likes to blend charcoal with his fingertips and when he adds color, chances are his fingers and knuckles are going to end up with temporary paint freckles. ◍ Another type of art Yeo does is Oshibana, which is the “art of using pressed flowers and other botanical materials to create an entire picture from these natural elements.“ (thnx Wikipedia). He also uses pressed flowers to arrange them in frames and put them in resin; creating small ornaments for his cabin.

#♔ || about.#♔ || about (verse three).#♔ || about (verse four).#me to me a few months ago: You should do a headcanon post that speaks about how Yeo/Reaper/Hyuk perceives art #me to me now: hERE IT IS FINALLY---#As I've mentioned before #Even if all three versions have their differences due to their distinct backgrounds #they also have similarities as to keep a similar essence between them #and them being linked to art is one of those similarities C:#I hope this post makes sense IUWHEDIUWHEDUIH #tried to make it as short as possible ;WWWW;#♔ || queue.

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fqirycollective · 3 years ago

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ADHD Informative Post Pt. 2

Causes

As stated in the first part (on @fqiryinfo Instagram), a heavily theorized cause of ADHD is a lack of dopamine to the pre-frontal cortex. Genetics obviously play a major role in that, however scientists are also researching the possibility of brain injuries, exposure to environmental risks (like lead) during pregnancy or early childhood, alcohol or tobacco use during pregnancy, premature delivery, and low birth weight as possible risk factors. Having these risk factors does not necessarily equal having ADHD. Another neurotransmitter besides dopamine that may contribute to ADHD symptoms is norepinephrine. Certain parts of the brain have been noted to be decreased in volume, as well as low iron and zinc levels causing a higher risk for ADHD symptoms and even a higher severity of symptoms. Despite common misconceptions, ADHD has *no* connection with sugar currently noted and has nothing to do with parental styles.

Treatment - Medication

Medicated treatment is typically broken down into three groups. These are long-lasting stimulants (like Adderall XR, Vyvanse, Biphentin, and Concerta), long-lasting non-stimulants (like Strattera), and short/immediate-acting stimulants (like Dexedrine, Dexedrine Spansule, Ritalin, and Ritalin SR). XR stands for extended release while SR stands for sustained release. This is not necessarily a medication, but iron supplements have been noted to help allivieate ADHD symptoms which makes sense with the noted iron deficiency being a risk. However, zinc supplements didn't have as much of a positive effect.

Treatment - Non-Medication

Psychoeducation: strategy instruction (sleep management, anger contron, etc.), self-talk development, organizational skills developments, information on ADHD, community resources, and support groups

Behavioral Intervention: rewards and consequences, environmental management, ADHD coaching, and lifestyle changes

Social Intervention: social skills training and parenting skills training

Psychotherapy: self-talk strategies, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), interpersonal therapy, family therapy, expressive arts therapy, and supportive counseling

Educational/Vocational Accomodations: academic remidation and specialized academic/workplace interventions

Comorbidities

"More often than not, ADHD is further complicated by comorbidity with one or more psychiatric disorders.... An adult with ADHD is six times more likely to have at least one other psychiatric disorder than an adult without ADHD." (Thomas E. Brown, PH.D.). A quote from a book to all those who would like to argue against those who believe comorbidities don't exist. Even a study found 70% of 579 children carefully diagnosed with ADHD fully met the diagnostic criteria for one or more psychiatric disorders. Cases of ADHD not complicated by another disorder are rare.

As for the disorders ADHD is often comorbid with, that would be learning disorders, anxiety disorders, mood disorders (especially Bipolar Disorder), OCD, ODD, conduct disorder, substance use disorders, and personality disorders. Bipolar disorder especially, but but mood disorders in general stem from similar neurobiology so it makes for them to be so comorbid. (Bipolar 1 is even more comorbid than Bipolar 2.) Personality disorders are reported to be present in more than 50% of adults with ADHD. Of that 50%, the most common are cluster B and C disorders with 25% of them having two or more personality disorders. Of the papers I've read, none of them mention Autism as an actual comorbidity of ADHD however that's probably because it falls under the other disorders of early childhood they frequently mentioned.

Our Own Experiences

We are professionally diagnosed with ADHD. We have genetic links on both sides of our family, as well as a lack of iron (not diagnosed with iron deficiency but we do experience symptoms at times). We were diagnosed at 13 with the inattentive type. Originally we tried Strattera as a medication, but it didn't work so we switched to another medicine and it's been working ever since (heavy dissociation messes with the effectiveness though). We have recently decided to ask to start taking iron supplements to help with symptoms. As for comorbidities, we have a comorbid mood disorder (depression however the disorder type was never specified), generalized anxiety disorder, and social anxiety disorder diagnosed. We also experiences symptoms of BPD, but it's not been talked about with the mental health group we talk to so we avoid saying for sure we have it despite the genetic and trauma links. Obviously this is just in regards to this post, but yeah!

#adhd culture #adhdlife #adhd #adult adhd #adhd stuff

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smashy-headcanons · 4 years ago

Note

a spooky Halloween vampire infection spreads, which smashers are the least to most dangerous

My ranking (only tiers are ranked, otherwise similar fighters are grouped next to each other):

The tiers:

S Tier: If they have their sights on you you're basically free food

Enderman, Sans, Meta Knight, Ness, Sheik, Zelda, Palutena, Mewtwo, and Greninja (albeit with some minor limitations) are all capable of teleporting.

Sonic is the fastest person alive, no way in hell are you getting away from him.

Toon Link has the Command Melody; he can wave the Wind Waker and literally make you walk over to him if he so desired.

BotW Link has Stasis, which can freeze you in place for a short period of time.

A Tier: More dangerous than most and weak points are minor or nonexistent but they still have to actually get to you

I would argue Kirby to be more of a threat than King Dedede in any other circumstance, and for the most part they match up here: both are extremely powerful forces with a dangerous appetite and the ability to float. What Kirby DOESN'T have is extreme tankiness or an army of thousands, including flying units or units impervious to every form of damage.

Captain Falcon and Yoshi are both really fast and have other beneficial attributes, but not enough to be in S-tier like Sonic.

Snake and (I think) Joker have stealth on their side and they don't have any glaring weaknesses either.

Kirby, Sora, Bayonetta, and Rosalina are all floaty with other good abilities.

Shulk has Monado Arts and Vision, meaning he can go fast and also see into the future in certain circumstances; not unstoppable but a definite threat.

Lucario can sense auras so he can see you through walls (a la Subspace Emissary).

B Tier: They all have at least one major weakness but would be terrifying to deal with otherwise

We've heard it again and again, Little Mac isn't an air fighter. But on the ground? Nothing short of terrifying. He's the third fastest character in the game behind Captain Falcon and Sonic, and in his home game Little Mac is capable of wiping the near entirety of Donkey Kong's health bar in ONE punch. The speed of his rapid jab in Smash? Yeah that's not an enhancement he just fucking does that in his own game.

Charizard and the Inkling have their own unique skills (flying and stealth respectively) but they share a weakness to water.

Piranha Plant and Ivysaur, like Charizard and the Inklings, both have unique skills that would make them dangerous, but they share a vulnerability to fire.

Bowser and Bowser Jr., like the above, have different skills which would assist them but being Koopas they're both rendered helpless for a while if you knock them on their backs.

Banjo & Kazooie spend enough time together that they can be considered a package set. They have dangerous approach options, being able to fly and use Wonderwing to render themselves invulnerable. Both abilities are limited in that they require red and gold feathers respectively, so without those they're little more than groundbound.

Without a god or goddess the Pits don't have much more than the average Smash fighter, but if they do have one on their side they have impressive speed in the air.

Ridley's a dangerous predator, but his weakness is, funnily enough, his size. He has a lot of difficulty reaching people in a small space.

Jigglypuff is floaty and can put you to sleep, but she's fairly slow and light so as long as you keep an eye out for her (or wear headphones) you should be fairly okay.

Kazuya is slow but he has options to stun you and get closer.

King K. Rool is able to tank many attacks with his belly armor, but if an attack is too powerful you'll leave him stunned.

Min Min's arms have a lot of reach, but they're slow and she has lots of difficulty reaching in the air.

C Tier: If they have special abilities they don't help too much for the purposes of being a vampire, but no particularly exploitable weaknesses (feel free to move characters in this tier wherever you think would be a better fit)

D Tier: They can be dangerous but they aren't going to be outclassing anyone

Squirtle, like Bowser and Bowser Jr, can be flipped over on its back, but while its speed isn't bad it isn't great either.

Ganondorf and Dr. Mario are both slow, but neither of them have much in the way of slowing you down.

Zombie is slow and also already undead, sooo...

Incineroar is slow like Ganondorf and Dr. Mario AND is weak to fire like Charizard and the Inklings--it definitely goes at the bottom of this list.

E Tier: Vampirism is essentially a non-issue with this tier

With how much garlic he eats Wario is essentially walking vampire repellent, more so than even the Belmonts. He's not getting bitten by anyone. If he happened to be the first infected rather than getting it from someone else, then he'd probably be in A tier.

Due to their status as Blades I don't know if Pyra and Mythra could even become vampires in the first place.

R.O.B. and Mega Man are robots. Also R.O.B. doesn't even have a mouth.

Good luck biting through Samus's armor just sayin.

Olimar and Alph are both difficult to bite, but also they'd both arguably be unable to actually bite anyone because they require space helmets.

I started on this last night but it was way too late for me to finish it so happy late halloween folks

#all #tier list #ask #anonymous #smashy headcanons #super smash bros #headcanon #mine #halloween

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potteresque-ire · 4 years ago

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Commentary ~ Little Red Little Green Episode 18, “Fruits & Found Family”

Link to original post in Chinese, posted 2021/05/23. Link to official English translation.

(Disclaimer / Notes + Commentary under the cut!) (TW: possible eating disorder)

Disclaimer / Notes:

While the posts by Little Red Little Green (LRLG) are among my most favourite candies, I’d like to remind everyone that they are fake rumours, and should be read and enjoyed as such. ie, all CPN below!

The English translation linked above is the only one authorised by the Fake Rumour House; therefore, please treat all content below as a very casual, very *unofficial* convo between fellow turtle friends! ❤️💛💚

With Chinese being a highly region-specific language, my reactions to it is necessarily filtered through my background, which is, admittedly, somewhat removed from Gg’s, Dd’s and LRLG’s. However, it is not uncommon for even c-turtles (and several times, LRLG themselves) to be lost with what they read / heard due to regional differences ~ which reflects the reality of communicating in the Sinosphere. In fact, the regionality of the dialects used by different “characters” in LRLG’s dialogues is among the most critical elements that make these posts so authentic-sounding, and so difficult to replicate. A fun activity of following LRLG is to watch c-turtles patch their regional knowledge together, from local slangs to food choices, to make sense of what’s going on.

Okay, with that all said *phew* ... onto the commentary! “p. X” refers to the panel number in the official English translation (there are 7 total in the Twitter post).

p1. “Fairy”

Likely referring to the similarity between Gg’s current role for 玉骨遥 (The Longest Promise) and LWJ. Dd was praising Gg for being “fairy-like”; Chinese “fairies” (仙) have a certain style especially in visual media, similar to ... LWJ’s ~ otherworldly, white robes that billow in the wind, peaceful to the point of distant, scholarly, delicate. In between the lines, Gg likely said he was simply playing LWJ (hence, the ”act another me” in the translation), which Dd protested... and said Gg was simply playing himself. Whether that means DD IS NOT LWJ!!!!! 😡😡😡 or something else, we’ll know what we get to watch the show!

p1-p2. “Heat”

Yes about the Chang’e 嫦娥 reference!! Despite Houyi 后羿 shooting down 9/10 suns and saving the day, his wife is, indeed, more famous (and therefore the star, the more powerful one), because she’s frequently featured in Mid-Autumn festival art, along with her pet rabbit 玉兔 (”Jade Rabbit”),:

(Chang’e with her bunny, traditional Chinese painting. Source.)

Below is Gg’s rendition of Chang’e / Jade Bunny pair ~ Chang’e being the superman in the drawing while Jade Bunny is crouching on the planet!!

Guess of the missing convo from Gg’s side: Gg had wanted to bring something to Hengdian (where the filming of The Longest Promise was taking place) to cool himself down, and Dd had said it wasn’t necessarily. Hence Dd’s “My bad my bad” and the promise to send that something to Gg.

The loveliest line in this segment for me—and for many c-turtles— is the one about white hair. Turning grey a common, but very old-fashioned way of expressing worry and poor Dd, who hasn’t even turned 24, is claiming he was turning white because he got so worried every time Gg complained about the heat (Aww).

Turning grey with worry isn’t limited to romantic situations — it may happen to doting parents with wayward children, for example, or to ancient patriots over their crumbling kingdom. However, it’s also one of the more (very!) dramatic ways to communicate tragic love in Chinese fiction before Western influence allows “love”, as a term / word / character, to be used explicitly in writing romance.

Here’s a little example, a little diversion that may be of interest. Those who are familiar with the Wuxia classic Return of the Condor Heroes 神雕俠侶 by Jin Yong 金庸, whether it’s the book or its numerous visual adaptations, may remember how the hero, Yang Guo 楊過, went white at his temples overnight after his Shifu and lover, Xiao Long Nv (小龍女), didn’t show up at the cliff at the end of his 16-year wait for her.

Set photo from a TV adaption of Return of the Condor Heroes, 1995. Turtles may find the actress playing the perenially white-wearing, calm-to-the point-of-aloof Xiao Long Nv, Carmen Li 李若彤, familiar ~ she also played Lan Yi in The Untamed.

The 16-year wait, the invitation to Carmen to play Lan Zhan’s ancestor (when the two shared similarities in aesthetics and personality), were two of the three references from Return of the Condor Heroes I picked up from The Untamed (the last one was more specific—WWX mentioned Yang Guo’s master 獨孤求敗). This tribute is unconfirmed, but MXTX did say before that Jin Yong’s works were her inspiration. I also read a (small) discussion on whether LWJ’s hair carried a few pieces of white in the final episode, or if the lighter strands in it were a trick of the sunlight. (Here’s a screenshot of the approximate place to look!!)

While I lean towards the latter (the sunlight), turning white with worry, with love, is a tradition in Chinese storytelling. Here’s a little something I’ve noticed too, on this note ~ both in the actual interviews and in these fake rumours, Dd’s word choices, the way he conveys emotions are sometimes surprisingly traditional. It can be because of his background (which would require a study of how Luo Yang people and Koreans talk); it can be because the traditional way of talking allows for fewer words to be said, fewer things to have to be explicitly explained (example: LWJ), but the effect is that Dd has supplied the most romantic lines in LRLG’s posts because of that ~ romantic because it harks back to the rhythm, the themes of old poetry, of ancient stories that, as were true everywhere in the world, were about love.

Okay, back to the rumour (and hoping Dd won’t look like Bad Wig Yang Guo in a few more summers!) ....

The line after the one about white hair ... the way I understand the original Chinese sentence is “Heat is The Reason”: ie, anything Dd wants Gg to do and Gg disagrees, Gg would use heat as The Reason (R) to not do it. This anything may be eating, for example, which also has a strong possibility as conventional Chinese wisdom says that heat causes people to lose appetite. Dd’s worry would therefore be: Gg refusing to eat because he claims it’s too hot to do so.

“Corny joke” ~ the Chinese for this is, literally, “cold 冷 joke 笑話”, which becomes a pun as the gzry (team members)’s joke was about the (cold) winter and black hair. So... Dd threw a corny joke to combat a corny joke :D .

p3. “Apple”

The first half I also had to rely on c-turtles to help me interpret what it meant! Regional dialects aside, LRLG has captured dls’s very quick wit, the way his ideas freely hop from one concept to the next and this hopping carries traditional + popular cultural references that I know only a fraction of, not being a local after all.

I’ve read an additional interpretation of this segment: “big fruit” 大果兒 (as in dls: “Those are all big fruits, all big fruits”) is a Northern Chinese, traditional slang for women—dls might have connected that with the previous line in the convo about being Guowang, as explained in the translation, and “big and juicy” + “touch to feel” being suggestive phrases. Then, given the rare usage of the big fruit = women slang, dls expressed surprise that Dd understood what he meant, went on to say he expected Gg to know it (implying Gg could’ve taught Dd the meaning) ...

Which led to the entertaining part of this segment. Dd was like “You guys (= Gg + dls) talked?” Dls appeared to have thought of the scenario customarily inviting this question (scenario: someone on the verge of catching their spouse cheating) and began playacting that scenario, started to stammer ... as if he had just been got caught trying to chat up someone’s spouse ~ ”I-I-I....how to say it ...”. Dd caught on dls’s playacting and went along, continued with the “accusation”: “You’re stammering”. Dls then noted that Dd’s accusation was scary and Dd smiled, ending the playact ~ so, ah, readers, never mess with Dd’s spouse!! Dd gets scary!!

(BTW: ”nijia na kouzi” 你家那口子 was explained in the translation for a reason ~ It’s a warm, friendly term for a dear friend’s spouse. 😊)

p4. Lychees

Lychees. Has everyone tried them? It’s important not to over-eat them though...

In which the “Feeding Gg” saga continues! This segment is one of those that are wonderful for fic writers who wish to capture Gg and Dd in words. Gg, like many brought up in traditional families, has trouble saying “no” outright, which is often considered rude. As such, he resorted to delay tactics, something he had also done with the fried noodles in The Makeup Room BTS.

In the BTS, his delay tactics had been to argue that Dd hadn’t eaten his box of noodles and therefore, he couldn’t start (~2:35 mark)—as proper manners indeed dictated. In this dialogue, his delay tactics was to say he’d eat the lychees later, that the lychees would make him too full for the proper meal (rice).

A cute thing about this convo is that rather than pouting and grumbling his only being LWJ’s replacement (as he had hilariously done in the BTS), Dd had, apparently over the last three years, become an expert on countering such delay tactics. He peeled the lychees, which not only removed a major obstacle for eating, but also set a timer as peeled lychees get dry quickly (and Gg, despite being a picky eater, didn’t seem to like to waste food). He said the fruit could make appetiser. He got the help of their team members, who assured Gg that two lychees would be all right.

Gg’s response to the assurance... takes a little time to explain.

The original Chinese line for “Great, great, you’re so awesome” was 絕了絕了你們絕了。 “絕了”, a popular phrase used by Chinese netizens, was repeated three times.

絕, literally, means the extreme, the absolute, the end. 絕了 means pretty much the same ~ a thing that is 絕了 is standing en pointe at the edge of the cliff that is The Absolute End of a spectrum. It is the Ultimate. It can't be surpassed. It’s unbeatable.

絕了 is usually used in a positive sense, as in the English translation, with the positive being implied. If I say the LWJ photo above is 絕了, for example, I don’t need to specify that the extreme in 絕 stands on the good end. It’s understood given the audience of this post are mostly turtles (HELLO *waves*). We’re all heart-eyes here. We agree, without saying, that this photo is The Top, The Pinnacle; it can’t be better. 絕了 is higher praise than Excellent; it’s so good that there are no adjectives for it. Its own presence defines How Good It Is.

But 絕了 doesn’t have to be positive. If my audience is Su She ... he’s likely to take the same “This LWJ photo is 絕了” to mean the Mariana Trench kind of Absolute—the bottom of the bottom, the Unbeatable, Adjective-Defying Worst.

絕了 allows for that understanding too.

In this scenario, I interpret Gg’s 絕了 as taking the meaning of both extremes (which make it a fantastic phrase choice!): that Gg thought Dd and the team members were being both the Absolute Best (for thinking of Gg, caring for him) AND the Absolute Worst (for going against his wish to not eat!) Gg’s 絕了 also signals defeat; if Dd and his team members were The Absolute ... Whatever, then poor Gg had no choice but to yield to their wishes. I can already imagine his “I can’t believe I lose this way” Look (see: every rock-paper-scissors he lost, which was ... pretty much all of them), mixed with, perhaps, a healthy amount of bunny tooth warning (how dare Dd et al banded up against him)...

Those bunny teeth had to be taken care of, right? And so Dd went on to say lychees being good omen that ensure things would go smoothly for the eater... targeting Gg’s being a, as c-turtles call it, 小迷信 (literally, “Little Superstitious”, a young + adorable + superstitious person). Dd said that to help Gg justify the choice to eat, to make Gg feel better about his defeat.

(Of note: I had actually never heard of lychees being associated with good luck before, and a quick search online also didn’t yield any result. This could be a relatively rare association Google failed to catch ... or something Dd made up on the fly to make Gg happy.)

(Lychees have, however, been associated with romance. If Emperor’s Smile 天子笑 was The Love Drink in The Untamed, then what is Concubine’s Smile 妃子笑? Answer: it’s the RL name of a type of lychees, lychees being the fruit very much adored by Yang Yuhuan 楊玉環, the consort of the Emperor Xuanzong (685-762 BCE) of the Tang Dynasty and one of the four most beautiful woman in Chinese history. Since lychees had only been grown in southern China, the emperor had had the fruit couriered, in express mode involving many horses, to the palace up north to please his favourite wife. Lychees had become a symbol of love from that historical tale.)

Did Gg get Dd’s message then, the love and care packaged in those peeled, sweet fruit awaiting his bite? Yes, but not without a little more fight! “Eat eat eat, (I’ll eat) until you go bankrupt” is a literal translation of his final line. Tonally, I can see the following as being an alternative translation:

“Fine fine fine. I’ll eat, it’s not like I can bankrupt you by eating anyway!”

If it sounded a little sulky, that’s because it did ... a little sulky AND fiery. As expected from our favourite Chongqing Big Pepper 😂😂😂 (Poor Gg).

Dd smiled at that, needless to say. He won!!! He got Gg to eat!! The world shall rejoice!!

p5. “Showtime”

There’s a show coming up for Dd (the YH concert maybe?), and Gg offered suggestions.

The sweet point of this segment is about half-way down the conversation, in the piece of paper 📄 Gg gave to Dd (after “This is for you.”). Dd took the paper, noted the many words on it, and started saying 我把我整個靈魂, translated as “I bring my entire soul”.

c-Turtles have, based on these words, hypothesised that Dd was about to read out a quote that Gg had written on the paper, with the list of items Gg thought Dd should take, before Gg stopped him with a call of his name (“WYB”). The quote was included on the translation (”I give you my entire soul...only, a little good, love you.”) I have also talked about the same quote, in more detail, here.

I’m equally stumped on the final line of this segment. (Sorry!!)

p6. “Found Family”

It’s a heartwarming segment. While LRLG had previously noted that the TTXS bros had communicated with Gg, this segment made clear that they care for him like they do for Dd ~ as family.

* dls mailed Gg a lot of fruit for sharing with the film crew. “Family member needs to be impressive” is a rough translation, but this line does defy simple translation because 排面 a highly cultural concept that has much to do with the equally complex, Chinese concept of face (which this article explains... somewhat adequately). The message to take home is that dls cared enough about Gg that he wanted to make sure Gg wouldn’t lose face in front of the film crew; that, by having enough gifts (fruits) for everyone, Gg wouldn’t be viewed as cheap or inadequate or stingy, or whatever adjective that wouldn’t befit his top idol status. Because dls saw Gg as a member of his family.

* The prescription from hg had been mentioned in a previous LRLG rumour. 方子 is a Chinese medicine prescription, which, unlike Western formulations, is individualised both to the discomfort / ailment and to the “body constitution” of the person who'll take it, the latter deciding the kind of ailments the person is susceptible to, and which ingredients are expected to be more effective. Chinese medicine also places a strong emphasises on long-term conditioning, whether it’s for recovery from a certain condition or for general good health. A good 方子 is therefore a far more complex and personal thing than, say, a scribble of “paracetamol” / “acetaminophen” on a piece of paper. :D

* fg’s gift for Gg (xx) is something for the waist. A brace support, maybe? For example?

My favourite line in this segment is when hg asked what will Gg and Dd do when they reach hg’s age. Given that the last two items (the prescription and xx) were health-related, I interpreted it as hg worrying about Gg and Dd’s health when they grow old... with all the health problems they already have. It’s the kind of thing a worried parent say to their children ~ my mom has said the same thing to me as well. 😢

p6. “The Cat Paw”

Not quite sure what’s happening here ... not sure what the cat paw is. (Sorry!!) But that é in the translation is Dd’s signature laugh (collection here), which is written as 鵝 (”Goose”) in Chinese 😂.

p7. “The Cat Toy”

Dd appeared to be shopping for a cat’s toy (something that can “hook the cat” in the translation, such that the cat can entertain itself and not rely on human companionship as much). Gg had already bought the toy though and sounded quite proud of it, told Dd to return the toy. The implied cat was, of course, Nut (堅果 Jianguo)... which had been repeatedly referred to in LRLG’s posts as Gg’s daughter.

p7. “Cool vs Cute”

Gg is often viewed as cute, and Dd as cool. Did Dd dislike Gg taking cute pictures for public consumption? Were they scheming an exchange of image? :D

And that’s it for this issue! Ooh, this took unexpectedly long ... I apologise for the ridiculous delay between the original post and this commentary!

(I wrote half of it, then RL struck and I forgot about it.) (I’m hopeless.) (I need a 方子 for poor memory!!)

#pie eats candies #pie metas #yizhan #bjyx #LRLG

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literaticat · 2 years ago

Note

I'm curious about the process of submitting illustrators for work? With an author, you'd go on submission when you're trying to sell a new piece they've written, but with illustrators, is the process more about adding them to the agency lookbook, and then submitting that lookbook to editors from time to time? When editors are looking for a cover artist or similar, do they just approach agencies with their request and see who the agency has to offer them? Thanks for any insight. :)

Well, first of all, a lot of our illustrators are also authors. In which case, we'd be shopping their books in the normal fashion.

(And actually, I have had illustrators get OTHER work because I sent their dummy around -- like an editor will say, "this is not for me, BUT, I love the style, would they be interested in XYZ?")

For illustrators who don't have dummies to shop, at my agency:

A) We have a constantly-updated illustrator page with all our artists, including bio, portfolio, relevant links, etc. Because we have a LOT of illustrators with a lot of different styles, art directors and editors come to this page to look quite a bit.

B) We have LookBooks that go out a couple times a year and feature 25-30 clients each, and then the individual artists pages become tear sheets that are downloadable on the website for art directors etc.

C) We have a Cover Artists Page, featuring our artists who have done book jackets, so if art directors are looking for that specifically they can visit and get a sense of their style.

D) We do a weekly Illustrator Spotlight email blast featuring one of our illustrators and goes to every editor and art director, as well as being posted on social media.

E) We have a dedicated Instagram account that features our illustrators.

Because of all this, we get a lot of eyes on our illustrators work****, and art directors and editors come to us with jobs for specific artists quite a bit -- those jobs might be picture books, book jackets, interior art, or anything, really.

They will also sometimes let us know generally that they have a need for something specific to see what we can provide, like "If you have any Mexican or Mexican-American illustrators who do really cute babies and are interested in doing a board book about Dia de los Muertos, let me know" kind of thing. And we will send a list of possibilities from the whole agency.

Obviously - I can't speak for any other agency.

****ETA: IMPORTANT!

A lot of what works for illustrators is down to THEIR hard work. Them keeping their portfolios interesting with new material, them keeping their social media fresh and updated, them working on dummies of their own, etc -- ALL that helps us, too. If they are relying on the same six pictures from five years ago and never posting new stuff, only have outdated stuff on their website, etc, it's going to be hard to attract new eyes to that -- if they are engaging on social media and posting etc, that really helps!

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kaitycole · 4 years ago

Text

Love Two: the hard love

Summary: Miya Atsumu is an adventure and a half which is exciting for you after a mundane high school relationship. But what price has to be paid in order for you to be in his world?

Parings: Atsumu x Reader

Word Count: 7187 (my apologies)

Warnings: Angst. Toxic relationship tropes. Toxic behaviors. Slight physical violence (towards the end - it’s a wrist grab and a slap). Adult language.

Rating: 16+

A/N: This series is based on an article that talks about how in live, most of us experience three types of love. I’ll link the article in the series master post for anyone who wants to read it!

Golden yellow hair.

Chocolate brown eyes.

Burnt cinnamon cologne.

These images burn into your mind as tears sting your dry eyes. You swallow hard, trying to get the lump in your throat to dislodge but it only reminds you of how dry your throat is, how sore it is from screaming. Your head lays heavy on your pillow, a dull ache wraps around your head and you aren’t sure if it’s from the alcohol or the crying you’ve done over the last three days.

You two had a fight, another fight, the same old fight. You screamed, he brushed it off, leaving in a rush and slamming the door while you slid down the doorframe, sobbing. You thought that you’d be used to this, the constant up and downs that came with loving Miya Atsumu, the rollercoaster of emotions that came with the cycle of being together, breaking up and then getting back together. You’d been doing it for three years now, on and off again, but never being off for long before he dragged you back into his arms, not that you ever refused.

Your head hangs to the side as you slowly push yourself off the floor, your body too tired after fighting to climb into your bed the night before. For a moment you consider crawling down the hall before your pride takes over as you stand up, legs stiff but wobbly at the same time as your feet drag you to the couch in the living room. You aren’t sure what time it is, your eyes slowly adjusting to the large amount of sunlight coming into the apartment, the apartment he surprised you with and you had loved, now it felt like a prison.

Your phone starts buzzing and when you look, there’s several notifications from your two best friends Kaneko Yua and Higashi Naoki. You shuffle to the kitchen, grabbing a cup as you perch your phone between your shoulder and cheek, filling you cup with tap water.

“Y/N! Where are you?” Yua’s voice is too loud for the linger ache in your head, you jerk the phone from your ear to turn the volume down.

You chug down the ice-cold water that does nothing to remove the dryness from your mouth or throat, it’s as if it’s been coated in a thick layer of cotton. “Apartment.”

She’s silent for a minute, you can hear her mumbling to someone next to her. There’s a muffled sound coming from her end before a new voice comes through the line, fresh tears prick your eyes when you recognize it’s Naoki.

“We’re coming over, don’t leave.”

* * Three years ago

Your high school days had been filled with volleyball matches, practices, tournaments and while you have no ill feelings towards the sport or the boy who brought it into your life, you just hoped university would broaden your horizons.

Yet here you stood at a MSBY Fan Greet, your younger brother all but vibrating with excitement as he waited to get his overprice photograph signed by his favorite team. You previously made plans to hang-out with Yua over the spring break, but since your parents both couldn’t take him, your brother guilted you with the “but I miss hanging out with you” card and puppy dog eyes.

“For you.” His accent coats his words, passing you small folded piece of paper before your brother makes his way down the line to the next player for an autograph, tugging at your pants for you to follow his lead.

** “Wanna get something from the vending machine before the next class?” Yua asks. Kaneko Yua became your friend when you both started university last year, the two of you quickly became the best of friends even though the only interests you share is in your shared Art History major.

“I’m done for the day.” You tilt your head, smiling right before you stick your tongue out at her.

She throws her head back, groaning as you continue to walk, “how’d you get such a good schedule.”

“Told you to take those early morning classes.” You wink before running into her as she suddenly stops. “Yua-ch—”

Golden yellow hair and a cocky smile catch your attention as he leans against a flash sports car in the library parking lot. Yua looks at you, her eyes wide, you had mentioned that you got his number a few weeks ago to her, but that nothing but short conversation came from the exchange which only lasted a few days.

“Y/N!” He calls out to you, obnoxiously waving one arm up in the air to catch your attention, it does, along with the rest of the student body that’s outside.

He starts walking over to you and Yua, pulling off his sunglasses you see that dark chocolate eyes that captured your (e/c) ones just weeks ago. Your heart is thumping against your chest as he quickly closes that gap that has been between you, a short arm’s distance away from him. You can smell his cologne, it’s a strong smell, something similar to burnt cinnamon being carried by the wind the circles around you.

Yua looks at you for answers but you couldn’t give her any if you even tried. You find yourself swallowed whole by his dark eyes, feeling like you’re about to sink. “M-Miya-san?”

“Atsumu.” He smirks, “sorry for just showing up. I was in the neighborhood and thought we could go get something to eat. You aren’t busy, are you?”

��No, she’s not.” Yua nudges your arm, bringing you back to reality, “she’s actually all finished for the day.”

“What do you say? Will you come with me?” He reaches out his hand and you almost immediately take it and maybe you should’ve been more cautious, after all this wasn’t like it was in high school.

** The first few months with Atsumu are blissful, perfect and you start to wonder if this is what you were missing back with Ushijima. Every day with Atsumu is an adventure, you never know what to expect which is a sharp contrast to that same day everyday feeling you had back in high school. He keeps you on your toes and you love it, you eat it up, spending all your free time with him and it shows when you get back a test with a failing mark.

“Budding romances aren’t the most important thing in life, Y/N.” Your professor speaks low when he places the paper on the desk, he doesn’t have to tell you how he feels about it, disappointment drips from his words.

Atsumu didn’t offer much help on the subject either, simply shrugging at it and telling you that there’s always the next test. “Let’s go out.” “I really should study, ‘Tsumu.” You tilt your head back to look up at him, he’s sitting on the couch behind you.

He says your name, dragging out each syllable, “it’s the last night I can. I have an away game that I leave for on Friday.”

“You didn’t tell me that.” “Must have forgot.” He looks down at his phone, “coming or not?”

You know that you shouldn’t have gone, that studying is more important, but him leaving meant that you’d be apart for the first time and he had that lopsided pout on his face, so you agree. Grabbing your jacket and following him out the door as he drapes an arm around you, “I can always count on you.”

* * Two years and four months ago

“I’m gonna kill him!” Yua shouts as she walks into your dorm room. She practically ran from her part-time job in the library to your dorm when you called her, unable to talk from crying so loudly. While she took the elevator up to your room, she managed to see the text explaining the cause of your distress and is fuming.

“You’ll…go…to jail.” You finally manage to spit out, the sobs and hiccups breaking up your words as you wipe your running nose on your sweatshirt sleeve. Usually Yua would scold you, telling you just how disgusting that it, but tonight she just sits next to you, letting you lean on her shoulder.

She gently rubs your arm as she wraps an arm around you, pulling you closer to her side, “maybe I’ll key that fancy car of his.”

“I think it’s his brother’s.”

“Deflate his balls!”

“Yua!”

“Volleyballs, get your head out of the gutter.” She smiles when you let out a small laugh. She leans her head down on yours and you are thankful that you’re close enough for the silence to be comfortable, for certain things to be left unsaid.

* * Two years and two months ago

The next few weeks seem to drag by, each day seemingly longer than the last. Yua has all but moved into your dorm, refusing to leave your side for more than the duration of classes. With her there, you realize even more that your phone hasn’t gone off, there’s no surge of messages coming through from a certain setter. Things take a bit of a turn when you hear a nearby conversation, two girls gushing about some famous model getting into a relationship to a volleyball player.

But it’s that said volleyball player’s name that anchors your feet to the ground, that name that echoes in your ears while your lungs struggle to take in the air you want to force into them.

Miya Atsumu

Yua essentially banned the use of his name or anything related to him into your life and for better or worse you’ve both manage to uphold it, especially seeing how with his newest brand deal, his face is everywhere just like Michael Jordan’s was in the U.S. during the 90’s. Somehow, you manage to avoid it, until now when your body seems to act on its own and you’re sudden reading several headlines confirming the match.

* * Two years ago

“Are you sure you’ll be okay alone?” Yua looks at you, worry etched on her expression, “I don’t have to go to this guest speaking event.”

“Yua, you’ve been talking about this for weeks, you’re going.”

“Promise to call if you need me to come back? I’m only going to Tokyo, so I can get back within three hours.”

“Yes, yes, I promise.” You make a “shoo” gesture with your hand, walking towards her as she picks up her back to leave. You pull her into a quick hug, reassuring her that everything will be fine for one weekend.

** You let out a dramatic sigh, towel drying your hair as you walk out of the bathroom and towards your bed.

8PM on a Friday and I’m getting ready for bed, lame.

You’re slipping on a pair of fuzzy socks when the music you’ve been playing gets interrupted by a phone call. Within much thought, assuming it’s Yua, you answer, only to stop in your tracks when a familiar and husky voice calls your name.

“Y/N!” Each syllable of your name is drawn out with a slight lag, a telltale sign that he’s intoxicated.

If Yua was there, she would tell you to just hang up and block the number, that you had been doing better lately and should just let someone else deal with it, but Yua isn’t there and you feel that it must mean something if you had been the one he called. Drunken words are sober thoughts, right?

His drunken voice and repeated plea of your name is enough to melt you, enough to make you throw all rational thought out the window, quickly throwing on a hoodie, rushing to the address he barely slurred out.

Fortunately, the restaurant he is at isn’t too far from your dorm, however it is embarrassing when you walk in and could hear him across the room, shouting for you.

“Atsumu.”

He quickly turns to you, that sloppy grin of his piercing you in the heart as he stumbles over to throw his arms around you. The scent of alcohol hits you before he does, leaving you to wonder just how much he’s had as you stagger backwards a bit before steadying the both of you. You just barely get the both of you to a cab, his constant swaying challenging you until you’re able to shove him in the vehicle, hesitating when asked where they were taking you. You didn’t know where he was staying these days, you still weren’t sure what he was doing in Kyoko, so you settle for the only address you know to go.

** “Are you serious?” Yua shouts, all but pulling out her hair.

Three weeks. That’s how long Atsumu had been back in your life and how long your best friend had been in the dark about it. You wanted to tell her about the night Atsumu called drunk, but felt it was best to do it in person since it was such a touchy subject, but when she got back, she was still so excited about the speaker and to tell you about it, you lost your nerve.

Then as the days continued to go by, you kept coming up with a reason not to tell her. What you weren’t expecting was her for to just show up out of the blue or for a fresh out of the shower Atsumu to answer the door. You felt confrontation coming and that was something you weren’t a huge fan of.

“I know it looks bad, but I can explain.”

Yua shakes her head, her lips in a straight line, foot tapping on the tile flooring. “This is why you’ve been cutting classes and missing assignments.”

“I don’t see how this is your business at all.” Atsumu glances over at Yua, an amused smirk on his lips, “jealousy doesn’t suit you, sweetheart.”

Yua turns abruptly on her heel, storming out of the dorm room and when you grab her arm, there’s tears in her eyes when she turns to face you.

“He’s changed, Yua.” There’s such a hopeful look on your face, an expression that screams that you actually believe him.

She drags her arm across her eyes, wiping away the tears, “why can’t you see he’s not good for you!”

* * 1 year and 10 months ago

The shuffling of your peers is lost on you, motionlessly staying in your seat as all of those around you practically bolt out after the 55 minutes long public speaking class. Your eyes are trained on the board in front of you but the notebook on your desk is unopened, your pen still capped.

It takes a few moments for you to notice the weight of the hand on your shoulder and the back and forth motion it's pushing you in. Shaking your head, you snap out of whatever daze you’ve been in and look over to see Naoki with a concerned expression on his face.

“Do you need to see the nurse?”

You shake your head, “oh, no. I was just thinking.”

He raises an eyebrow at the quick smile you throw his way before he sighs, giving into your excuse, even after only knowing each other a few months, Naoki knew when to just let things go.

“Good morn—You aren’t Yua.” You stopped your greeting when you noticed the shuffling at the chair next to you wasn’t Yua but someone you’d never seen before.

“Oh no, sorry. I’m Higashi Naoki, I just transferred here.” He gave you a big bright smile, extending his hand out.

“Uh, oh, hello.” You felt embarrassment creep up the back of your neck as you awkwardly shook his hand. Luckily your phone vibrated, allowing you to focus your attention to something else other than the rather attractive brunette sitting next to you.

You read the words on the screen, somewhat understood the meaning of them but your mind kept going back to the warm orange brown eyes that looked at you with such kindness. They reminded you of the way you felt back in high school, the way that Ushijima made sure you always felt: safe.

To your surprise, Yua had already met Naoki, they shared the glass before this one and Yua was actually excited that you two had ended up meeting. After that, the three of you were fast friends, almost as if you had all been friends for years rather than just several weeks. But not everyone was excited for your new friendship and he had no problem being very vocal about it.

Atsumu wasn’t keen on the friendship when he randomly showed up to the campus one day, seeing the two of you sitting outside, laughing. You had to run after him, he took off without letting you even introduce Naoki, trying to tell him that he was just a friend, but Atsumu seemed to already have his mind made up on what was what.

A week later, after not hearing from Atsumu you got a message from him telling you that he needed to dedicate himself more to his team, his career and being in a relationship with you just wasn’t it.

“You can copy my notes during lunch, Y/N.”

“Thanks, Nao-chan!” You smile up at him while shoving your things into your backpack. He clears his throat, blush spreading across his cheeks as he turns away from you.

** Professor A: Missing Assignments

Professor B: Make-up Test Notice

Professor C: Mandatory Advisor Meeting

XMail: Unread Messages (12)

You feel a pit in your stomach, not wanting to read the emails, already knowing the disappointed messages they held. You hadn’t been your best self lately especially when it came to your studies and had several unfinished assignments and 0’s in the gradebook. It wasn’t like this was the first time you and Atsumu had been broken up but for some reason, each time felt worse than the previous time.

Leaning back, you let out a deep sigh as you glance around at the boxes that liter the room. After you and Atsumu broke up the most recent time, Yua managed to convince you to move into her off-campus apartment. At first you didn’t like the idea, not wanting to be a burden to her or cause anyone to think anything of her with you living with her, but she wouldn’t heard anything but yes. She told you that she had the space (her parents insisted on getting her a two bedroom even though it was just her) and it was easier for her to keep an eye on you.

There are still some things that are in boxes, mostly things from Atsumu that you didn’t want to toss out, but didn’t think should be on display either. Plus, with all the catching up you had to do, there wasn’t much time for anything else especially with the schedule that Yua had made for you. The two of you shared most classes, so she had all the notes and study guides you needed and to be honest, it helped keep your mind off a certain MSBY setter.

BZZT!

Nao-chan: I’m heading up, let me in! (1:42PM)

A smile spreads across your face, pushing yourself from the desk and quickly slipping out of your room and towards the door. By the time you open it, you see him walking up the hallway and he flashes you his signature smile when his eyes meet yours.

“Nao-chan!” You crash into him, wrapping him into a hug, one that he returns effortlessly.

“What have I done to get such a warm welcome?”

“I can’t just miss you?” You tilt your head when you look up at him, stepping away from him to look him in the eye. You hold back a laugh when you see his face turn red, turning his face away from you before mumbling something along the lines of “yeah, no, that’s fine.”

You bring back two cups of juice (Yua refused to let soda into the apartment) and notice that Naoki seems to be nervous, wringing his hands together and looking down at the ground which is different that he usually acts.

“Nao-chan, what’s wrong?”

“Oh, uhm, well I wanted to ask you something.” He makes eye contact with you and you nod for him to continue, “I bought these and thought we could go together.”

He pulls something out of the inside pocket of his jacket, passing it to you and for a second your blood runs cold, eyes scanning over the item picking up the word ‘volleyball’. By the warmth suddenly on your arm, you could tell that Naoki sensed your discomfort.

“Forget it, it was a dumb idea.”

“No! It’s not, it’s just…uhm…”

“I just thought that it might be a good way to get out of the apartment and it’s an Adlers’ game so maybe you’d seen your friend.”

You scrunch your brows together before looking back at the tickets. It was for a game between the Schweiden Adlers and Tachibana Red Falcons, a smile spread across your face, a mix of excitement to see Ushijima play again (his play style is still one of your favorites) but also that Naoki remembered these little facts about you.

“I’d love to go. I’ll call Ushijima and tell him we’ll be there!” You give him a quick hug, rushing to your room to get your phone, leaving a smiling Naoki behind.

** Naoki smiles watching you all but vibrate as you wait in line to go into the gym. The game had been all you talked about for the last two weeks, eager to get out of the apartment for anything other than classes or your on-campus job. You spent most of your free time telling Naoki just how amazing Ushijima is on the court and how he had already asked to meet Naoki, who seemed a bit nervous when you mentioned that.

“I didn’t know you liked watching volleyball, Nao-chan. Did you play in school?”

“Oh, uh no. The person I’m interested in likes it, so I thought I’d learn more about it.” He hands over the tickets, the two of you being ushered into to the building. His shoulder brushes yours due to the large amount of people all in the crowed hallway.

“I didn’t know you had your eye on someone! I’ll teach you all I know about volleyball so you can impress them!” You beam a huge smile at Naoki before your attention is pulled to the other side of the hallway. “Nao-chan! Let’s get t-shirts!”

He follows you as you drag him towards a table set up with shirts to memorialize the game. You intended to get matching ones, but due to size differences, you had a settle with a white shirt for you and a black on for Naoki. After you reluctantly let him pay, the two of you make your way to the gym, Ushijima had seats held for the two of you.

Once the whistle blew, you were back in your element, a huge smile on your face watching Ushijima command the court just like he had been for as long as you could remember. For the first time in years, you feel light and free, happier than you can remember being. Ushijima catches your eye at some point during the second set and you eagerly wave to him, giving him that same toothy grin you did as kids.

** “Toshi!” You barely give him time to turn around, running straight into him as you throw your arms around him, both Toshi and Naoki chuckle at the fact you managed to knock Toshi off balance for a few seconds.

“Y/N.” He pulls you into his broad chest and if you hadn’t known him for years, you wouldn’t believe that this tall and muscular man was the same boy who ran around with a watering can that was almost as big as him. “I’m glad you came today, it’s been a while.”

“Since high school.” You bite your lower lip and notice that Toshi squeezes your arm, a gesture he’d do to comfort you. He gives you a reassuring wink, letting you know that there’s no hard feelings about the past before he looks over at Naoki, “are you going to introduce me to your boyfriend?”

“Oh no! No, no, no.” You stumble over your words, frantically waving your hands around.

“I’m Higashi Naoki, nice to meet you.”

“Nao-chan is just a friend.”

Linking your arm with his, you look back at him and see his smile drop for a split second before it reappears while shaking hands with Ushijima but that quickly leaves your mind when you see a familiar poof of orange hair. But before you can take the time to figure out who he is, you hear an accent that you don’t think you’ll ever be able to forget.

“Just friends, huh?”

Your eyes widen in horror, immediately turning and seeing the familiar sight of golden yellow hair walking away from you.

“Y/N—” Naoki reaches out to grab your arm, but you’ve already started running after Atsumu, calling out his name as you rushed to catch up to him, weaving through the crowded hallways.

“Tsumu!” You finally grab ahold of his wrist, trying to pull him back but instead he just yanks you forward as he tries to get his arm away from you.

“Don’t call me that.” His tone is icy with an expression that matches, “why are you even here?”

“I came to see Tos—Ushijima.”

“I mean why are you here talking to me, you are clearly on a date with what’s his face.”

“Nao-chan? We’re just friends, it was just to get out of the apartment and have fun.” Your voice is trembling, bottom lip quivering listening to the harsh tone of his voice.

He scoffs, rolling his eyes, “you were all over him, just stop lying.”

“No! I wasn’t.” The tears you’ve been trying to hold back now slip down your cheeks, you couldn’t figure out why he was acting like this especially when you were broken up.

“I never thought you’d end up like all those other girls, just another pig wanting to date me for status.”

Your heart is pounding loudly in your ears that you don’t hear whatever else he mumbled before turning and walking away, your arm weakly reaches out to him before your knees hit the vinyl flooring. After several moments pass, you feel someone pull you up and wrap their arms around you, the familiar scent of men’s body wash washes over you.

“Thank you.” You choke out, the comforting embrace causing more tears to fall.

“Best friends forever, right?”

* * 1 year and 3 months ago

“Are people looking at me?”

“Huh?” Yua raises an eyebrow as she looks over at you.

“There’s a psychology term for that feeling, it’s called spotlight effect.” Naoki says, trying to reassure you that no one’s looking.

“No, I think she’s right.” Yua stretches an arm out in front of him, causing him to stop walking before you drop your backpack on the ground, shocked.

Atsumu is standing on campus, wearing a suit, carrying a stupidly large bouquet of flowers, going around asking where you are, all but shouting your name to the sky. Part of you wants to disappear, of course he’d choose to stand in the middle of campus, catching everyone’s attention.

You trip slightly over your bag, marching towards him, barely hearing Naoki calling after you before Atsumu’s attention snaps to you, his eyes locking in on yours.

“Y/N!” Gleefully, he scurries towards you, handing the bouquet to you, it’s heavier than you thought it’d be.

“Atsumu, what are you doing?”

“I want, no, I need to talk to you.” He drops down to his knees and you can hear the increase of hushed tones, you glance back to see a very confused Yua and Naoki wears a horrified expression. “I’d like to try again, please.”

“Atsumu…”

“I’m not leaving until you talk to me.”

“Okay, okay, just…please get up. People are staring.” You try to hide your face behind the flowers, the pure embarrassment causing your face to burn.

He pushes himself off the ground, grabbing your hand as he pulls you towards the faculty parking lot. It doesn’t feel like you are in your own body, your legs moving to keep up with him before he stops.

Once again, he drops down to his knees, grabbing your hands with his, pleading with you to listen to him, to believe that he really means it when he tells you that he’s changed, asking you for just one more shot. For most of his speech, you look at the top of his head, seeing that the golden yellow is being overtaken by his natural dark brown roots, your fingers twitch, wanting to run through his hair. It’s when you finally lock eyes with him that you see the tears that line them, a single one slipping down his cheek from the corner of his right eye.

“I shouldn’t have come.” He wipes his eyes, sniffling a bit. He squeezes your hands before he stands up, letting you go. “I’m sorry for doing this you.”

There’s no way to explain it, but he seems different and suddenly you want to see this new him, to be the one that gets to be part of this new and mature Atsumu. Throwing all your sense out the window, pushing the rational and logical voices of Yua and Naoki to the back of your head, you wrap your arms around him, pressing your face into his back and you can feel his heart pounding in his chest.

“Don’t go.”

* * 9 months ago

“Y/N! Door!”

Still in the process of buttoning your shirt, you poke your head out of your room, “I’m almost done, can you get it, please?”

Yua and Naoki share a look, when you had told them you decided to get back with Atsumu they weren’t shy about telling you how they were against it, that as your friend they hated seeing you so hurt, but they also told you that they weren’t just going to leave you either. It had been an unspoken rule that when it came to all things Atsumu (including opening the door) that they didn’t want to be part of it, for you to keep that part of your life away, unless he did something to hurt you.

Naoki reluctantly gets up, you can tell by the way he sluggishly walks his way towards the door. Dipping back into your room, you finish getting ready, grabbing your phone and sweater before pulling the door shut behind you.

You hear the door slam shut and look to see an irritated Naoki, “where’s Tsumu?” Naoki goes to speak, but you don’t give him a chance, instead just rush out of the apartment.

“Tsumu! Tsumu!” You shout out to him, barely catching his attention as he presses the button for the elevator. “Where are you going?”

He clenches his fist; the gesture catches your eye. “Home. I didn’t sign up to be humiliated tonight.” He looks at you, a type of rage in his eyes that you’ve never seen before and you aren’t sure what could’ve happened to make him so upset. Since he showed up on campus, begging for another chance eh always made sure to be open about his feelings.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. You have to tell me, Tsumu.”

“I just don’t like him being in your apartment.”

The elevator dings, doors opening and just as he goes to step into it, you pull back on his arm, pleading with him to stay, tears filling your eyes. He jerks his arm from your grip, not that you were holding on that tightly, and he steps into the elevator.

You aren’t sure why your relationship is like this, why it has so many ups and downs, why it hurts this much. You aren’t sure why being with Atsumu is so hard, why it feels like all you see is his back while he walks away from you, leaving you broken each time. In high school, you hated the almost boring way each day with Ushijima felt, but in this moment, you’d give anything for that because at least back then you felt safe and knew where you stood.

* * 5 months ago

For the last four months, Atsumu spoiled you rotten with daily gifts and elaborate dates. You received a flower a day, it was the flower of your birth month, boxes of your favorite candies, along with cards that had some romantic quote in them.

For dates, he takes you to the best restaurants, buys out move theatres, flies you to various parts of Japan to not only watch his games, but to show you around. When you’re together, he actually listens to you, takes his time to finally get to ask you about your upbringing, family, and where you see yourself in five years. He shows you how he’s remembered things you don’t like and even the things that you do and for the first time in the two plus years you’ve known him, it feels like things are starting to even out, that all the turmoil might just be over.

** “Do you like it?” His accent drips from his words, you’ve noticed the accent gets thicker when he’s either nervous or excited.

You glance around the empty apartment, a bit confused as why you’re standing in the middle of it. You thought that Yua apartment was big, considering it had two bedrooms, but this seems to be even bigger than hers. The large windows allow an abundance of natural light and you really do like that.

“It’s a really nice apartment.” You smile as he walks over to you, pulling you into his toned chest, his chin on your forehead.

“I’m glad, it’s yours.”

You pull back, shock written all over your expression, too many thoughts racing through your mind for you to form a sentence. Atsumu did a lot of crazy things, did a lot of spur of the moment things, but this, this really did top them all. “What?”

He shrugs, digging in his pocket before placing a key in your hand, he looks a bit scared to you. “It’s just…my lease was up and I know it’s a bit further from campus than Yua’s, but I was thinking you’d like to live here…with me.”

Without any hesitation, you throw your arms around Atsumu, repeatedly saying “yes” as you awkwardly bounced up and down. When you pull back, he cups your face in his hands, bringing you closer for a kiss.

You can’t stop smiling, eagerly nodding your head as Atsumu talks about furniture and getting your things boxed to be moved, not really hearing anything because all you can think of is that things are finally going to work out between the two of you and that’s why your heart is thumping against your chest.

* * 3 months ago

Two months.

8 weeks.

60.8 days.

That’s how long your relationship of bliss lasted, how long you saw the caring and loving version of Atsumu, the side of him that stole your heart even after months and years of back and forth, ups and down, on and off.

You hate it because things were going so well, everything was perfect, even better than how great things had been with Ushijima back in high school. What you hate even more is the fact that while you had been packing up your things, you said some not so nice things to Yua, telling her that she was wrong about him, that this time things were going to work out. You had all but bragged and even hit below the belt with saying she was just jealous that she didn’t have someone that loved her the way Atsumu loves you.

Nine times out of ten you’re alone in this apartment, your music on the highest volume isn’t loud enough to fill the silence that creeps through the rooms and wraps around you and when the silence gets to you, you’re forced to think about things you’d rather not. Like how right Yua had been, how Naoki was only looking out for you, how every time you got back together with Atsumu, it just seemed to hurt worse than the time before.

During that one time of ten that Atsumu is home, the two of you just fight, you fight about everything really; your classes, his games, your friends, his friends and now that you’re all but isolated from your friends, it just makes things worse. You’ve always hated comparing the two, Ushijima to Atsumu, knowing both relationships are/were different, but recently, you’ve wondered if repeating the same day over and over, if that almost suffocating comfort, you wonder if that would be easier to live with now when looked at next to the way your current relationship has been.

* * Atsumu flips his phone face down, muting it after it had begun to ring, turning his attention back to the movie the two of you were watching.

You scoff, pushing yourself off his side to lean against the other side of the sofa.

“Don’t start.”

“Start what? I was just getting more comfortable.”

“Cut the shit. You always do this.”

You roll your eyes, already irritated. “Did you want me to leave the room so you could call her back?”

“This is exactly what I’m talking about.” He pushes himself off the couch, shaking his head as he storms into the kitchen.

You reach across the couch, swiping his phone from the armrest, trying to get into it, but no surprise he’s once against changed the passcode. You’re fuming at this point, shoving yourself off the couch before you start to walk to your room. You were done, have been done with all of this.

His hand tightly wraps around your wrist and jerks you backwards towards him. He starts yelling, demanding that you give him back his phone and the anger in you takes over and you throw it across the room. You start to scream about how you’re done, you’re tired and don’t deserve to feel this miserable. He yells back telling you that he’s giving you things anyone would be thankful to have and you smack him with your free hand.

He freezes, dropping your wrist as he runs his fingers through his hair, the expression on his face is something you’ve never seen and without another word, he storms out of the apartment.

You didn’t see him for three weeks, if it hadn’t been for his teammates Hinata and Bokuto stopping by, you wouldn’t have known that he’s okay and has been staying with them. When he does come back, he has a long-winded apology and a large bouquet of flowers. He falls to his knees in the door way, telling you that he’s sorry, that he can’t believe his actions and that he swears that he’ll do better.

* * Present Day

When you open the door, Yua throws her arms around you, pulling you into a comforting embrace and you feel yourself start to sob again. She holds you up as your knees get weak, letting the exhaustion take over you as you inhale her familiar perfume.

Naoki slightly pushes by the two of you, angrily making his way through the apartment, brows scrunched into a scowl. You watch as he flings open every door, stomping through each room before he walks back to you, rage radiating off of him. “Where the fuck is he?”

You’re startled, panicking you look up at Yua who wraps her arm around your neck and pulls you back into her, your face pressing just below the top of her shoulder.

“Obviously not here, so chill out.”

She ushers you over to the couch, Naoki handing you the throw blanket to wrap around yourself as you finally catch your breath. You lean your head on the back of the couch, it just adds pressure to your headache, but you’re having a hard time opening up to your friends.

“How’d you know something was wrong?” You slowly lift your head up, looking between the two of them, your face turning red when you hear that you called Naoki repeatedly around 2AM, leaving incoherent voicemails where they only picked up on the words: fight, Atsumu and leave.

“I really think you should move back in with me.” Yua speaks with caution, knowing how sensitive the topic is.

You just nod, defeatedly. You’re more upset about failing to maintain the relationship than you are that the relationship is over. Part of you wants to know why you put yourself through so much to prove you could stay with him, was it because you didn’t want your previous break-up to mean nothing? That if you could make this one work then you weren’t an awful person for ending things with Ushijima for an almost comical reason?

“Just pack what you have to have and we’ll replace whatever you don’t bring and need, okay?” Naoki gives you a small smile before Yua stands up telling you that she’ll grab your things from the bathroom and Naoki can get the things throughout the living room.

Roughly half an hour later, you have most of the things you brought, minus any gifts that Atsumu gave you, but you can’t seem to step through the threshold. Yua and Naoki are standing in the hallway waiting, but you’re afraid to make the step because all of a sudden it symbolizing a bigger commitment that you intended. Once you step out of the apartment, once you shut the door and drop the key in the box, you’re officially shutting the Miya Atsumu chapter of your life and that shakes you to the core.

“Y/N, you’re going to be okay. We’re right here. I’m right here.” Naoki reaches out his hand and you decide to take that leap, grabbing on to his hand like a lifeline. Your knees are wobbly as you place one foot into the hallway, straddling the threshold. “C’mon, just one more step. I got you.”

You squeeze your eyes shut, frantically taking that last step before throwing your arms around Naoki, repeatedly saying “I did it!” He puts his hand on the back of your head, pressing you into him, telling you that he’s proud of you.

You take one last look into the apartment that for some reason now fills small, it feels different, like you no longer belong there and while you’re still terrified of letting go of the rope that ties you and Atsumu together, there’s something exhilarating about starting over. Your eyes are closed as you pull the door shut and when you turn and open them, you see proud smiles on both Yua and Naoki’s faces and you couldn’t help but be excited for this next chapter.

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