#and this is what i mean too when i say viewing it as only fam snd interpersonal drama will ALWAYS fall short

[shallowrambles]

I think some wires got crossed and the theme of being detrimentally self reliant got penned as, "it's your fault you're homeless." I don't think of it that way. Nor do I think self-reliance is bad. It's simply a recurring theme in my view. :) I also think that, within the consideration of soldier vs civilian life, there is a running propaganda that "war prepares you to be tough and take on anything."

But in reality, many of us struggle to integrate into civilian life, even when we're given the "right tools" for success. That sometimes comes down to: we don't know how use them effectively, or ppl often assume our "war competence" can make up the difference. It can feel like we have nothing. *We* can feel like nothing when wrenched from the sense of routine / adrenaline / family that the military provides.

We wind up with failures at life: daddy's blunt instruments, addiction freaks, freaks with knife collections, heavenly hammers, adrenaline junkies, failed perfectionists...and in the world of SPN, they choose war. Constantly. Consistently. War can be a lot of things: defense of innocents, just cause, unjust cause, duty, pre-emptive striking, evil, agression, protection of resources, theft of resources, glee of the kill, crime, abusive relationship, unthinking black-and-white. And I feel like every character struggles with it, or even becomes extension of it at times. Family becomes an extreme version of "serving same cause." I think of Jody and Claire, "I don't want her to hunt just because hunting is all she has."

Anyway, failure to integrate. That's for lots of reasons intersecting mental health and practical training, but in a nutshell: (a) basic training doesn't really prepare you for real life like they say and (b) war and fighting skills don't often translate to entry level work. You don't always get the education you were promised, or you don't have the soft skills to put it to good use. Or you're so psychologically injured that you can't make the education work in context of the foggy stress of poor focus and despair.

I loved the point someone brought up (I'm sorry I forgot your handle name!) that due to nomadic lives and chronic homelessness, Dean and Sam may be almost as inept in "real life" as Cas is. Their ideas of "regular, apple pie life," are very dreamlike and pie-in-the-sky, at least from the view I have here. (It's at least interesting to think about. I'll have to roll it around in my mind some more. They at the very least had cushioning from their partners when they tried.)

But I do keep thinking about how Cas has had prior experience being wired money by Bobby at Dean's insistence and used public transportation comfortably and under duress as early as season 5. Cas was clearly not up to par on vehicles or how far gas would take him before needing a refill, but he handles the bus well on at least a few occasions I can think of.

I don't have a smoking gun here, but I can't help but wonder on hurt feelings and pride being factors because of that. And that's not a judgment, per se, just an observation. Cas would have a minimal sense of what he needed to start with, esp after the time he had in the shelters on the run, but bottom line, he recovered very quickly after coming to an emotional decision re: fighting heaven. I think Cas was aiming for a certain kind of independence and "human normalcy" (job + dating + then trying to save up), and he wasn't too bad at it! It was a lot about the Winchesters, sure, but it was also a lot about fucking up Heaven.

And I prefer this multi-factorial soldier's failure to integrate as the reading for obvious reasons, as it connects to the "afterward" parts with Malachi and the angel penitance group. I even see it as thematically elegant and connected to his headspace pre-metatron and trying to fix heaven. :) It's just the easiest one for me to grasp, and getting soldiers to ask for help...is (anecdotally) hard. And Cas was rejected in a way that had him doubting his perception, if his soliloquy to the baby is anything to go by. It's not a stretch for me to imagine a stiff upper lip happening, post hurt-feelings and crazy-whiplash of the bunker kickout, and ofc the wound of trusting Metatron in the first place. So in effect, I think it was a combination of every factor, a Winchester callousness born from guilt and bad planning born of panic, resultant stiff upper lip, overestimation of competence, the works. Nonetheless, they recover from it pretty quickly. Because soldiers often more easily forgive other soldiers for their "wartime" decisions.

And I just, really--the theme of raised soldiers seving cause above everything is so fundamental to the bones of the characters and the show, I really do view it as pre-existent and built-in...especially down to the very fibers of Cas and Dean sacrificing themselves as "means to an end / to win the war" in seasons 6 & 9 respectively. It's their upbringing. It's the bane of the wannabe-strongman-hero-soldier (and even Cas's suscepitibility to the good kind fallacy/child of destiny that he bows to in latter seasons.)

As for Dean, he goes off the deep end not long after this in trying to go it alone with the MOC, following his moral injury in tricking Sam. So the theme of detrimental self-reliance shifts to him a bit. "I alone will take care of Abbadon." I just think that it, like nihilism, is a major SPN theme.

[dumbseee]

stalker. pt.4.

previous.

charles leclerc x reader. / carlos sainz jr x reader.

fc: lalisa manoban.

liked by carlossainz55, francisca.cgomes, landonorris and 3 719 000 others.

y/n: when you tell him paris is your favorite city so he takes you to paris the next day 🤭

_

fan1: charles could never

liked by y/n.

fan2: carlos is the real deal

fan3: my girl is thriving and i’m here for it

fan4: i don’t know if i want to be y/n or carlos tbh

fan5: god i see what you do for others…

fan6: i need a carlos

fan7: y/n stayed with charles for three years and homeboy never took her anywhere, but in a month only carlos managed to take her to her favorite place

fan8: that’s what you deserve girl

fan9: i’m so jealous

landonorris: i can fit in a luggage so next time hit me up mate

carlossainz55: i’d probably ship you to nicaragua on purpose

landonorris: and that’s why i prefer charles over you

fan10: not lando and carlos fighting in the comments lmao

fan11: carlos came out straight off a book wtf

view all comments.

carlossainz55 just posted a story!

caption: vacation with fam <3

"can i talk to you, dear?" reyes warm tone made you smile, you sat up from your deck chair and made some place for the woman. she sat next to you and smiled. she was so kind to you, even though you met a few hours ago, she welcomed you into her family with open arms. "are you enjoying yourself, bella?" the nickname made you chuckle as you nodded, you didn’t know why but next to her you felt like a kid. "don’t be shy!" she laughed, pushing you slightly with her shoulder. "sorry. spain is amazing i really like it." reyes nodded. "great, because it seems like you’re going to be around here often now." she winked at you which made the both of you laugh.

"you know, you’re the first girl carlos brings home." that actually surprised you, carlos always had that don juan image in your mind which made you think he’d have way more exes. "believe it or not but carlito is pretty shy, and before you he always declined the blind dates his father would set him up for." the woman smiled and looked at her son who was fishing with his father a little bit far away from them. "he told me about you way before you two started dating though." "really?" she nodded and took your hand. "it was love at first sight for him." you could feel your cheeks getting hotter and red, you looked up at carlos who was now dancing with a big fish in his hands, he turned around and showed it to you and reyes. "look what i got!" he shouted, you clapped for him while his mom was laughing. "when i see him like this, it reminds me of when he was a little kid, running around and messing with his sisters." you didn’t know what to say so you just squeezed her hand. "you like him a lot, i can tell. if my son has been in love with you for so long, that means that you’re a good person too. so i trust you with him."

liked by carlossainz55, anasainzvdec, reyesvdec and 2 810 001 others.

y/n: congratulations to the newlyweds 🥺🫶🏼 may your marriage be fulfilled with love and happiness!

_

anasainzvdec: you’re an angel y/n, thanks you!

carlossainz55: 💛

fan1: y/n being accepted by the sainz warms my heart for some reasons

fan2: awww she was invited too

fan3: carlos and y/n next 🤪

liked by reyesvdec.

fan4: not reyes liking all the comments about y/n and carlos, she’s so cute

fan5: yellow is your color!

fan6: noooo but carlos inviting y/n to his family vacation and to his sister’s wedding is so cute

fan7: omg y/n blonde era??

fan8: this girl can pull off every colour it’s insane

fan9: meanwhile charles never took y/n to meet his family, they had to accidentally run into each other in monaco to actually meet…

fan10: y/n really is glowing these days omg

fan11: y/n post charles is my favorite y/n

view all comments.

charlesleclerc just posted a story!

caption: 💭

taglist: @ferrariloverr @kimi240302 @rosekar16 @ironmaiden1313

[alonetimelover]

hiii i love your work so much, you're an amazing writer.

can i request a (LONG) instagram au where both the reader and harry are mega popstars and have been together for almost a decade, and now they're married & have a fam together. js overall domestic fluff lol.

thanks

pairing: Harry x popstar!reader

fc: Taylor Swift

a/n: i thank the internet for all the edits of those two together, it definitely helped me finding perfect photos for the story!

masterlist taglist

——————————————————————————————

2013

onedirectionupdates

liked by harrysgirly and 23 393 others

onedirectionupdates You guys remember those rumours that Harry and YN had a thing back in 2012? Well, I think those rumours weren't so farfetched... What do you think?

view all 901 comments

harrysgirly no way! i thought all of you were lying back then!

user93 her? really?

user34 woah, i mean, woah

user56 i need to give her that... she looks stunning

ynupdates Well I don't blame Harry!

user102 i can see that, i can see the vision here

——————————————————————————————

2014

harryupdates

liked by ynupdates and 34 493 others

harryupdates Harry and YN were seen enjoying a walk in New York!

view all 1 022 comments

ynupdates right after 1989 dropped????? they're insane

harrysgirly WHAT? i thought it was like a one party thing?

user45 what's going on?

user50 what the hell?

user46 James Dean is that you?

——————————————————————————————

2015

ynupdates

liked by harryupdates, hArrysbtch and 56 402 others

ynupdates YN and Harry were seen walking hand in hand to YN's party, celebrating the success of Style's Music Video!

view all 2 302 comments

hArrysbtch YOU'VE GOT THAT JAMES DEAN DAYDREAM LOOK IN YOUR EYES

⤷ ynsmybestie AND I'VE GOT THAT RED LIP CLASSIC THING THAT YOU LIKE

harryupdates woah, that's certainly the way to show that the rumours were true

harrysmylife HAND IN HAND? WTF

——————————————————————————————

harrysleaks

liked by hArrysbtch, ynsmymama and 76 403 others

harrysleaks Harry and YN back in February!

view all 3 101 comments

hArrysbtch YOU TOOK A POLAROID OF US

⤷ ynsmybestie it's shame that the polaroid is in black and white... iykwim

ynsmymama i can't take it... they look too good together

harrysmylife couples where both people are this beautiful shouldn't be allowed! im protesting! leave some good genes for us!

user45 they're really dating, aren't they?

——————————————————————————————

2017

harryupdates

liked by ynupdates, hArrysbtch and 87 594 others

harryupdates Harry and YN were seen attending the after party for Dunkirk premiere in London!

view all 2 839 comments

ynupdates THE MOTHER IS BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER

ynupdates that's not what i call a soft launching but I LOVE IT

ynsmymama SHE IS BACK !!!! I REPEAT: SHE. IS. BACK. HALLELUJAH. I LOVE MY LIVE NOW

hArrysbtch who is this guy? where is my mysterious man?

harrysmylife seeing that he shows up in public only few times a year, i can say he's still mysterious

ynsmybestie she looks good, like good good, super good

user45 i love all those photos, one every year, showing up and making people loose their shit (mine included)

user23 she looks somehow different, but i can't pinpoint what is it

⤷ user45 she's glowing, that's for sure

——————————————————————————————

2018

ynupdates

liked by harryupdates, hArrysbtch and 98 392 others

ynupdates someone's getting fired... YN and Harry after Harry's latest interview with BBC Radio 1, where he was asked about YN and denied WITH A SMIRK ON HIS FACE about dating her! they enjoy messing with us!

view all 3 327 comments

harryupdates 'well, i was two times at the hospital. when i was born and after an accident' YEAH, AND HOW MANY STITCHES DID YOU GET? 'i had like 20 stitches on me!'

harrysbtch they're matching outfits! they cute! they parents! they they they...

⤷ harrysmylife guys, she's broken

ynsmybestie she's so georgous

ynsmymama i need music from them both

——————————————————————————————

harryupdates

liked by ynupdates, hArrysbtch and 103 482 others

harryupdates Harry and YN for The Times!!! harry gave an interview that is going to be available in a few days!

view all 6 403 comments

ynupdates yeah

ynupdates im not breathing

ynsmymama shit's got real

hArrysbtch DID YOU GUYS SEE THAT THE INTERVIEW IS TITLED TWO GHOSTS????? like, we were speculating about it and i think we were fucking right!

user45 the way that he's all sexy and intimidating and she's a cinnamon roll is hilarious!

——————————————————————————————

2019

yourbestfriend

liked by yourinstagram, harrystyles and 358 493 others

yourbestfriend LOVER

view all 76 392 comments

yourinstagram shhhh, it was a secret

harrystyles Who's that fine fella behind that exquisite woman?

⤷ yourbestfriend it's been years and you're still like a lovesick puppy teenager! how?

⤷ harrystyles Well, I am still young.

harryupdates woah, that, that second photo is definitely something

hArrybtch harry, i'll do anything when you're looking at me like that

ynsmybestie what does lover mean?

——————————————————————————————

harryupdates

liked by ynupdates, hArrysbtch and 65 493 others

harryupdates HARRY and YN in the photo added to the Fine Line vinyl! Apparently this photo was only in a few of the editions together with Harry's autograph.

view all 2 403 comments

ynupdates YN's rocking the shorter hair with Harry rocking the longer curls

ynsmybestie they both look stunning

ynsmymama i still can't comprehend him releasing the album on her birthday and dedicating it to her... AHHHHHHHH

hArrysbtch screaming, crying throwing up

harrysmoustache the rings, the floral shirt, long curls, the necklace

harrysmylife is it odd to say that i am a slut for this man? man, i am down bad, like real bad

stylesmybabie crying, i love them so much

——————————————————————————————

2020

ynandharry

liked by harryupdates, ynupdates and 54 492 others

ynandharry GUYS !!!!!!! my make a wish came true! i was on a zoom call with harry and yn today!

view all 2 103 comments

harryupdates that's amazing! i know you waited so long for them to actually accept you for the program!

ynupdates they look so good

hArrysbtch the thing is, they're both in the same house and probably the same room even

harrysmoustache i love my parents

user45 did you guys heard about all the rumours that they both actually have a son who's already 3 years old?

⤷ harrysmylife stop believing in everything you read on the internet

——————————————————————————————

2021

harryupdates

liked by yourinstagram, ynupdates and 103 291 others

harryupdates Harry listens to Folklore, do you?

view all 4 302 comments

yourinstagram How did you make it look so realistic????

⤷ hArrysbtch hey queen!

⤷ yourinstagram well hello there

harrysmoustache i love this edit

ynsmymama harry knows a good music when he hears one

——————————————————————————————

ynupdates

liked by harryupdates, hArrysbtch and 87 430 others

ynupdates YN and HARRY at the 63rd Grammy Awards!

view all 3 302 comments

harryupdates they are hilarious! they're not even sitting at the same table

harrysmoustache catching up with my bestie after not seeing her for years (it's been twenty minutes)

hArrysbtch AND THEY BOTH WENT HOME WITH A GRAMMY

ynsmybestie that floral dress is doing wonders! she looks like a princess

ynsmymama PARENTS

——————————————————————————————

2022

harrystyles

liked by yourinstagram, harryupdates, annetwist and 10 399 484 others

harrystyles Harry's House is out now. It wouldn't have been done without you, though. Thank you, my love.

view all 302 494 comments

yourinstagram I'm gonna go and scream from the rooftops

annetwist ♥️

harryupdates I CANNOT TAKE IT, HARRY. COME ON.

hArrysbtch you little btch. you make me cry with Matilda and then you post this? not cool, man. not cool.

ynsmybestie she's inspiration, she's supportive, she's loving.

ynsmymama wearing his shirt, drinking wine and playing guitar... man that's some happy living there

——————————————————————————————

ynupdates

liked by harryupdates and 34 430 others

ynupdates YN and Harry in Tokyo!

view all 1 302 comments

ynupdates YN's wearing a hoodie gifted by a fan!

hArrysbtch that thumb of his is not going down in the near future, is it?

harryupdates lovely couple

user23 they really don't care about all those rumours, do they?

⤷ harrysmylife what rumours again?

⤷ user23 apparently they have a child together since 2017!

⤷ harrysmoustache you want to tell me that they manage to hide their baby for five years? that's highly unlikely

⤷ ynsmybestie well, yn disappeared for a year and nobody saw her. i don't think it could be that unlikely for them.

——————————————————————————————

ynsmybestie

liked by harryupdates, ynupdates and 25 392 others

ynsmybestie PARENTS MIMICKING EACH OTHER

view all 930 comments

harryupdates oh, i've totally missed it!

ynupdates they have the same mind, that's it

hArrysbtch i love them so much, i can die now

stylesmybabie that's some iconic shit

——————————————————————————————

2023

ynupdates

liked by harryupdates, ynsmybestie and 78 229 others

ynupdates YN and HARRY at the 65th Grammy Awards! Once again they went home NOT empty handed! Harry with 3 and YN with 1 award!

view all 3 320 comments

harryupdates i am so proud of them!

hArrysbtch those bitches still weren't sitting at the same table

harrysmoustache they both look so stylish, i love it

ynsmybestie i love how she stood up and started clapping louder when people from the back were yelling that Beyonce should've won

⤷ ynupdates she knows what it feels like to be told those words all to well

——————————————————————————————

harryupdates

liked by ynupdates, hArrysbtch and 103 229 others

harryupdates YN JOINED HARRY ON STAGE TONIGHT IN PALM SPRINGS, CA!

view all 5 320 comments

harryupdates WHAT IS HAPPENING?????

harryupdates THEY ARE SINGING STYLE AND MEDICINE TOGETHER

hArrysbtch what the fucck... are the people at the stadium alive?

ynupdates 'I left Judie back stage, I hope he's gonna be okay.' WERE THE RUMOURS REALLY TRUE?????

user45 i told you guys years ago and you didn't believe me...

hArrysbtch 'love, your mic is on' 'oh shit' i don't think they were ready to announce anything

harrysmoustache there's no way. this is one of my dreams

——————————————————————————————

yourinstagram

liked by harrystyles, annetwist and 12 391 394 others

yourinstagram Judie and Teddy say hi to the World and they hope that you can be kind to them.

comments to this post have been limited

——————————————————————————————

ynupdates

liked by harrystyles, harryupdates and 56 492 others

ynupdates YN during Vigilante Shit tonight in Los Angeles! Not gonna lie, she's on another level tonight!

view all 3 301 comments

harryupdates HARRY is in the audience, maybe that's why!

hArrybtch harry, you lucky, lucky son of a lady dog

harrysmoustache she's so sexy

ynsmybestie after two pregnancies??? couldn't be me. she looks so fucking good

harrysmylife what if she's announcing something????

⤷ ynupdates do you think it's gonna be 1989?

——————————————————————————————

harryupdates

liked by ynupdates, hArrysbtch and 56 492 others

harryupdates HARRY at YN's show tonight in Los Angeles!

view all 4 302 comments

hArrysbtch SHE JUST ANNOUNCED THE 1989 YN'S VERSION

ynsmybestie i love how he attended the concert where she's announcing that she's reclaiming the first album that she wrote about him

harrysmoustache he looks good

harrysmylife i need his reaction to yn's vigilante dane

user67 i was at the concert and let me tell you those cheeks were as red as a tomato, he enjoyed it!

——————————————————————————————

yourinstagram

liked by harrystyles, ynupdates and 13 392 484 others

yourinstagram 1989 MY VERSION is out on 23rd of October. Thank you to whoever made that edit, it should've been the album cover from the start.

comments to this post have been limited

harrystyles I prefer the one that has you on the front and back. It gives it more value, I'd say.

⤷ yourinstagram Either way, I'm gonna frame it and hang it above our bed.

——————————————————————————————

voguemagazine

liked by yourinstagram, harrystyles and 2 942 293 others

voguemagazine For the first time we tagged team and let our sweet little friends, Judie and Teddy interview their mom, YN YSN. "Firstly, you read that perfectly, Judie, I am so proud of you, baby. And to answer the question: together with dad, sorry, together with Harry we decided that your privacy and safety are ours priority. And then mummy forgot to turn off the mic! But we're happy that all of the fans and people are kind enough to respect your space and the boundaries we appointed." To read the article go to our link in bio!

view all 56 392 comments

harryupdates "Mummy, you look beautiful today!" Not Judie hyping up his mom! you little baby I love you so much!

ynupdates "please don't fall in the water, mummy. Daddy, daddy will you suffer mummy?" "Yes, I will safe mummy, baby." I LOVE BABIES

harrysmoustache and the painting was done by the whole family...

ynsmybestie i usually hate kids, but those two are so adorable

ynsmymama i m gonna put you all in my pocket and protect you with my life

hArrysbtch "when you are in the limelight as much as dad and mum, you want something to be just yours. that's you and Teddy for us. our little rays of sunshine." I AM CRYING

⤷ ynupdates i love how she talked with Judie as if he was grown. she seems to be a great mother

⤷ hArrysbtch i wouldn't expect anything else from her

——————————————————————————————

a/n: well, that definitely was a long one! let me know if you want any more from this pair!

[hawkinsquarry]

❝  please don’t go—  i need.  i need someone—  i need you.  ❞ and ❝  it doesn’t have to mean anything,  i just don’t wanna feel lonely tonight. and i want to feel good for once.  ❞ is making me feel things. honestly needy steve begging to not be lonely sounds lovely but either way ❤️

how could i say goodbye? - steve x gn!reader

no pronouns for reader used; fluff, angst; hurt/comfort; sharing a bed; friends to lovers; love confessions; steve cry :(; brief mention of p*rn section at fam video but nothing in depth!

You’ve seen Steve like this before. Beaten up, bruised, a bit bloody. You’ve seen him wear the scars after. Borrowing Robin’s concealer for a cut lip and making up lies about being a klutz. You’ve bandaged him up, grabbed an ice pack and a handful of ibuprofen and sat them down on his bedside table, taking in his sleeping face before shutting off the light and going home.

This time, he’s scared. Everyone is. The world’s up in smoke and fire and tens of people are missing or dead. You’d wrung your hands the entire walk to Steve’s at 2 am, just as big military vehicles are pulling in. You couldn’t sleep, not knowing what’s become of him, and you’re relieved when his big, dumb house is in view, intact. A warm light on in his bedroom window. His car in the driveway, his dad’s car not.

Steve’s terrified when he opens the door, but his features soften immediately. His shirt’s off. You notice the lacerations on his torso immediately, but Steve’s pulling you in and locking the door before you can ask.

“Did you walk here?” is the first thing he says. You shrug, and he sighs loudly before wrapping you up in his arms. He smells like earth. “I’m sorry I didn’t call.”

“Lines are down anyway,” you mumble into his shoulder, trying not to kiss the skin as much as you want to. “What happened?”

He sighs again. “Not an earthquake.”

“I know.”

“Guess you could tell I needed a nurse, huh?”

You don’t think it’s very funny, but you lead him to the bathroom, picking out the first aid kit you’d last restocked in July. “Think you’ll need to lay down,” you say, gently kicking the cabinet under the sink shut. “Bedroom.”

You work gently and diligently on his stomach. He’d sworn to you it was already disinfected by the same people who partially cleaned him up after Starcourt. You still apply alcohol, much to his dismay. But even when he’s wincing, he’s quiet. Steve’s not known to be quiet. Your anxiety nearly gets the best of you, almost screaming at him when you ask again, “What happened?”

He stares at you for a long time, brown eyes starting to wet. “Not tonight,” he says.

“Robin?”

“She’s alive, too. Almost -“ and he takes a deep breath, pauses when you dab some more isopropyl on his spent skin. “Eddie.” It’s all he says. You bite at your cheek. You didn’t know Eddie well, and you’ve still got a lot of questions - but it’s a confirmation that those you know who usually get into these kinds of messes are okay.

You’re not unaware of the pointed use of the word alive and not okay. He was okay after 1984, and okay again after 1985, but 1986 only brings the word alive.

You use gauze to wrap the cuts on his stomach before taking another once over of him. He’s still so beautiful, even caked with mud and dirt and some weird thick gross slime that he’d only moaned a little don’t ask about. “Your neck,” you whisper, brows furrowing.

He nods a bit. “Hurts.”

You disinfect it, too, gently dabbing him with a cotton pad. “Hurts to swallow? To talk?”

“Mhm.”

“That’s okay,” you soothe, “I’ll stop askin’ questions now.”

“Don’t,” he whispers, suddenly grabbing your wrist. “Keep talking. Please.”

You swallow and nod before continuing your work. “My house is fine. It looks most bad in downtown - I guess you already know that? The phone lines - I said that already. Guess what I did today?”

A hint of a smile. He shrugs a shoulder.

“I finally checked out the porn section at Family Video.”

His smile grows.

“Which I guess was really good timing. But Keith was there - something about how his employees didn’t show up? Do you know anything about that?”

“Nothing,” he mouths.

“I didn’t rent anything,” you continue, “I just wanted to look. And I guess - I guess I just wanted to see you, too.”

His big eyes get all soft again. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” You dab away the last remnants of blood from his neck and pull back to throw the cotton pad in the trash. “Shouldn’t apologize for saving the world.”

You’re prepping a band aid for a cut on his head when he whispers, “We didn’t this time.”

You look back at him in a little bit of shock. Yes, the things always come back. But he’s never come back and said “yeah, we really dropped the ball this time.” He’s always been relatively confident, giving it “an eighty to eighty-five percent chance” that this was the last time.

“Zero percent,” he says, like he’s reading your mind. “We didn’t.”

“Let’s worry about that tomorrow, okay? I saw those big government vehicles - they’ll help.”

He makes a face that tells you everything. They won’t. They don’t know how.

“I’m sorry,” you say, leaning back towards him and resting your hands on his chest.

You see his adam’s apple bob. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make it safe for you.”

Steve has never cried before in front of you. He’s gotten close, but just walked away, pinching his nose and coming back a few minutes later like nothing ever happened. But now, he’s crying. It’s soft, a few tears riding down his cheeks.

“Steve.” Your voice cracks. “None of this is your fault. None of it. You can’t save the world. I’m - I’m so happy you’re safe.” You press your tongue to the roof of your mouth, trying to fight off a sob. “I’m just glad you came home.”

He closes his eyes and bites his lip. You move away with your kit, placing it on his desk before moving back to him. You push his hair out of his face softly. “Get some sleep. Okay?”

Steve’s eyes shoot open and he looks scared again. Panicked. He shakes his head and grabs your hands, pulling you into him so far that you almost trip and fall on top of him. “Please don’t go. I need - I need someone. I need you.”

Your heart jumps up to your throat and you swallow thickly. He’s never asked you for this before. And he’s genuine - his eyes are wild and still wet and he looks so, so scared. Scared of losing you.

“Okay,” you whisper. “I’ll get some blankets and -“

“Here,” he says, tugging you in again. “I - look, I know. But it doesn’t have to mean anything. I just don’t wanna feel lonely tonight. I want to feel good for once. I - goddammit. I want you. Please.”

I want you. It rings in your head. I want you.

You move to the other side of the bed and slide under the covers, cuddling up close to him. Steve turns onto his side as best as he can - you’d chosen his good side to lay beside. You wrap him in your arms as he rests his head on your chest. His grip on you is tight and it has to hurt. His muscles have to be screaming at him to stop and rest. But he holds you like you might get taken, too, along with all the others.

And he cries. You feel the tears soaking through your shirt. He tries his best not to make any noise, but he still sniffles and clears his throat. You rake your hand through his hair and hold him as tight as you can, too.

“Steve,” you whisper. “I love you. I just - I had to say it.”

There’s a pause, a shaky breath, before he pushes himself up to kiss you. It’s small and otherwise insignificant, but warm and sweet and what you’ve wanted for years. You’re surprised when he pulls back, but you melt as he whispers, “I love you, too.”

He settles into your chest again, and you resume combing his hair, heart pounding. “I’m here. Okay? I’ll take care of you. Just rest. I love you.”

He sighs and relaxes. “I love you, too.”

[theerurishipper]

I think the Batman's sidekicks equal child soldiers comes from them being called soldiers. Bat books seem to embrace the 'war on crime' narrative more as they are more gritty. On top of this Batman is emotionally incompetent meaning he treats his kids more like soldiers than children sometimes.

It's also quantity of sidekicks. Like, Barry had Wally. He didn't have any other kid sidekicks at the same time. Batman has a solid army and it often feels like one. They often feel more militarized than other 'fams'. Also, he is too controlling and doesn't treat this solid army of children well. So obviously when a character mistreats everyone around them, people are more likely to see the flaws. A kid cheerfully fighting aside their adult mentor isn't going to get called a child soldier but a kid written with a more gritty undertone is (especially because of the war on crime stuff).

He also had the whole 'good soldier' memorial which says he kinda viewed Jason, a dead 15 year old he adopted, as a soldier. Even though they were portrayed as a father son relationship so this immediately damages the perception of his relationships with his other children.

Also, the Under the Red Hood Movie is an entry level media for Bat fandom. It starred Mr Ackles of Supernatural fame. There is a huge child soldier narrative in the treatment of Sam and Dean by their father so Supernatural fans are more likely to see these themes. So Ackles fans watching the movie and then getting into the Batfam stuff will obviously latch onto this.

Also, this is not the only incident in superhero fandom where certain characters are singled out as child soldiers for other characters. This narrative is also present in some parts of the X-Men fandom, especially regarding the relationship of Professor X and Cyclops. As it is another incident of an adult character 'rescuing' a child in need and (I can't think of a better word) indoctrinating them to their cause.

I think another thing is the fact the Bats do not have powers. So narrative of 'with great power, comes great responsibility' only actually applies to Batman himself with his obscene wealth. So the classic narrative of you have power so you have to help people with them doesn't apply here. Most of the kids he recruits could have relatively normal lives. Jason, whose fans propagate this take heavily, did not ask to be Robin. Batman gave it to him. I also feel that Starlin was trying to have an arc about why having a child sidekick was bad in the Jason's Robin run so Jason's fans are more likely to be critical of the child sidekick thing. It basically goes 'maybe I should not have had this child fight crime' (while Jason is still alive) to 'it's Jason's own fault he got himself killed' which looks really bad.

So it just feels like a lot of factors give more and more people these kind of takes in a way that doesn't apply to other characters. Wonder Woman mostly fights alongside adults. The Flash is also adult heavy (Barry, Jay, Max as in adults that started as adults). Shazamily is all near is age (argument for Wizard perhaps). Lanterns, adults. Arrow family are usually a bit older than the bats and get less attention. Ect.

For me the thing is that... this is fiction. Not a one-to-one direct reflection of reality. In real life, we would frown upon vigilantism as a concept, but enjoying characters like Batman and Superman requires some suspension of disbelief. The same idea should be applied to the idea of sidekicks in general, something that would be very wrong in reality, but is acceptable within the fictional world of DC. Admittedly Batman is usually more grounded than the other books, but it still is within the fictional world of DC, where having child sidekicks in okay. Where letting children fight crime is not inherently wrong, and what defines whether it's good or bad is the intent of the person training/raising them (Bruce or Barry or Oliver as opposed to David Cain or Slade Wilson). We need to view it through that lens, otherwise it's kinda just bad faith criticism.

Another thing to consider is that Batman is an emotionally withdrawn character. It's pretty clear that he did not consider Jason a simple soldier for the cause, or his death wouldn't have ruined him the way it did. And honestly, for every Jason is a soldier case in the Batcave (something he got yelled at for btw), there is a Bruce giving Damian a heartfelt speech about how his kids aren't soldiers. For every moment Bruce treats his kids like soldiers, there is a moment where he openly admits to how much he loves them. I suppose after a point of time it's all up to interpretations, especially since the latter are far and few between, but canon has been pretty clear that Bruce loves his children above all else, and that he doesn't see them as soldiers. That's actually been a plot point a few times, so I think it shouldn't be a question that he sees them as sons and daughter and not soldiers. After all, the whole reason he does what he does for them is so that they don't turn out like him. Him coming off as seeing them like soldiers is not because it's the truth of what he thinks, it's because he can't express himself.

I did say there are plenty of other reasons to criticize Bruce as a character, one of them being the fact that he behaves abusively to his kids. But that's not a symptom of them being child soldiers. My post mostly stemmed from me seeing a lot of criticism of Batman "throwing kids into tights and a cape instead of getting them therapy," and it's like, nooooo. He very explicitly did not do that. They chose the life. Most of them would have done it whether or not Bruce was there. The kids being crimefighters isn't the problem.

If the cheerful thing is what differentiates them from others, the Robins have had that with Batman. Dick and Bruce actually had great fun as Batman and Robin, for instance, before things went sour. Jason may have been given Robin by Bruce, but he also loved being Robin and said it gave him magic. The inherent idea of kids fighting crime is not the issue in a fictional world. Robin in itself is something of a child empowerment kind of thing, a genre staple, at least in the beginning. We don't go around calling every child protagonist a child soldier, do we? It would be an inherently unethical thing in real life, but this is fiction. We have to have some amount of suspension of disbelief when it comes to that, just like we do for the idea of vigilantism itself. Otherwise, we wouldn't have a story.

My take on it is this: there are no child soldiers in DC (when it comes to the sidekicks). Because it's fiction. Within the conventions of the genre, it's well and good for Bruce or anyone to let kids fight crime. Bruce being an abuser is a different conversation entirely, one that should not be derailed with accusations of him raising child soldiers. Those are not a thing in DC, and we would all be happier if we accepted that. My post was specifically about that, that Bruce letting kids fight crime is not inherently a bad thing within the context on the world they operate in. I made the OG post because I saw a lot of criticism towards Bruce for the very act of letting kids fight crime, not because of how he treats them but because he apparently indoctrinated and manipulated them into his war on crime, just criticism for the very act of him letting them do so.

I've also seen talk about how awful it is for Bruce to continue to let kids be Robins after one died, and I just have to say, do you not want Tim Drake and Stephanie Brown and Cassandra Cain and Damian Wayne and Duke Thomas and every other kid hero in the Batfam to exist? Because if Batman were to do the right thing, they shouldn't exist. But, again, this is fiction. It's a story about superheroes. As per the rules of the story, Batman needs a Robin. Someone was going to be created to fill the void, and it was Tim Drake.

And if we go down that route, what does this say about Conner Kent and Bart Allen and Cassie Sandsmark and the other heroes like them? Because if Bruce is in the wrong for letting kids fight after Jason died, so are the other heroes who allow kids to keep fighting after one sidekick died on the job. Was Clark Kent raising a child soldier when he allowed Jon to fight crime? And it's also funny to me cause again, Tim Drake practically forced Bruce to take him on as Robin, with the explicit blessing of former Robin Dick Grayson, and Alfred Pennyworth. Everyone else was already in the life, and Bruce just helped them out. They would have done it regardless of him. So, to frame it in a manner as though he forced them into it, or he didn't care that Jason died and that it could happen to them too is wrong.

Perhaps it's because Batman is the most popular DC hero, perhaps it's because he's had the most sidekicks, perhaps it's because one of them died, but it's still not a correct argument. Again, there are very legitimate criticisms to be made of Bruce, ones I can agree with wholeheartedly, but this is not one of them. He is toxic and controlling and abusive to his kids, but they are not child soldiers. It is that very specific thing that I am objecting to. And that's what I think a lot of replies to my post misunderstand, because they're conflating Bruce being abusive with Bruce raising child soldiers, and I while I agree with their general point, I disagree with the framing and the inferences made from it. And then there are the people who inspired me to make the post, who are just wrong.

So, I do agree with a lot of the criticisms of Bruce and a lot of your points! I can see where the idea comes from considering how Bruce treats his kids, but I don't think the correct takeaway is that they are child soldiers specifically. Victims of abuse from Bruce? Sure. Not child soldiers. I hope this makes sense.

Thank you for your ask!

Just... gonna leave this here...

[missxfaithc]

Okay I gotta bone to pick with Markiplier about something.

In his livestream breakdown for WKM, way back when, he made a big deal of saying how if something wasn’t expressly stated in the story, then it wasn’t canon. Like, even if he verbally said it later on, it still wouldn’t technically be canon, unless the story itself was added onto to reflect as much.

But then, by the time ISWM came around, he added in a bunch of cryptic shit to fuck with the fans and when people naturally began to theorize and be like “ohhh I see some plainly laid out connections here between this scene/character/line and something in WKM” he was just like “nahhhh none of that shit means anything. You’re looking too much into it”.

Like… bruh. You were the one who told us that the only things that mattered were the things actually stated in the story itself. Like, he made the conscious decision to put parallels in the story between some of Engineer Mark’s decisions/lines and some of the things Damien said in WKM. The same thing goes for the parallels between Mrs. Whitacre (or however you spell her name) and Celine.

People also pointed out, at the time, how Engineer Mark’s whole speech at the end to the Captain about how tired he was, and how sorry he was could be representative of Actor Mark finally taking accountability for his actions in WKM.

But then Mark was just like “nope. They’re two completely different people. ISWM is a completely different story from the WKM thing with completely different characters. Actor Mark isn’t a part of this… except maybe he is”.

Like ??? 😩😩😩

Please, Mark, just give us something. You can’t have it both ways. You can’t simultaneously say that “only the things in the actual story are canon” and “I just added that shit in there to fuck with people”. Those two statements severely contradict each other.

Unless he changed his mind and that’s no longer how he wants us to view these stories??? I guess???

Idk, fam. This is no shade to Mark. I just find it kind of funny in a weird way and also kind of frustrating.

The way I see it, there are 2 ways to look at the Markiverse. You can examine the stories themselves on their own and draw your own conclusions thusly. Or you can listen to Mark’s explanations and get the version of the story that he either intended or wanted, regardless of whether the content itself expresses as much.

Again, this isn’t me criticizing Mark (well, mostly 😂). I just love the universe (multiverse, I suppose now) he’s created so much, and I love discussing it and theorizing about it. I just find it interesting how different a story’s content can be sometimes in comparison to how its creator views that story, and what message they want people to take from it versus what message it’s actually sending.

EDIT: I forgot to mention that at one point during the livestream breakdown for ISWM, I’m like 99% sure Mark said something along the lines of “yeah this story isn’t connected to WKM at all” and then like before the end of the stream he also said “I’m sure I’ll get back to finishing that story eventually” (in reference to everything that got started in WKM). So like…??? Which is it? Are the character arcs started in WKM actually finished or not? My man’s out here changing the rules on us again during the SAME livestream.

Also I saw someone in my replies mention those godforsaken masks that came from WMLW and yet to this day have never gotten an explanation. Mark E. Plier, Sir, please… I am begging you 😩 just put us out of our misery and give us SOMETHING we can work with.

[youremyheaven]

I don’t think all venusians are bad but I also had a share of bad experiences with them. I don’t know if I should drag the women or the men first. I’d talk about the women first because they’re in my family and it’s a more neutral point of view than hate or a one time experience. My purva ashada stellium grandmother used to starve her children too and is extremely cheap. Tbh I don’t think she has a bad relationship with her daughters. She seems to get along with them pretty well. However my mom who’s purva phalguni moon has similar behavior as the previous ano. She’s very jealous and envious of other women constantly comparing herself to other women and she needs to be the “best looking” among others. Otherwise she lose her mind. She’s very image conscious and she’s a complete different person with strangers or my friends. She wants to be seen as the cool mom. She also assumes every single man she interacts with has some sort of romantic interest in her. She also says phrases like “you’ll never be as attractive as used to be” like even if It was true and I was a walking troll she shouldn’t be saying this to her daughter ? I also find it weird how every single Venusian woman I talk to is extremely fake ? Like they’re obsessed with status and want to be seen as higher or richer than what they actually are. They love to see people beneath them. They strive to be the best in that way. They’re very superficial and they would definitely befriend someone or be around someone for the aesthetic or for what they could get from them. They would take shamelessly from people without giving back and when you called them out they be like “I didn’t ask you to” when they truly did pressure you into it. I think for men, most Venusian men I met, they would be very polite, kind helpful and try to please me as much as possible. Like they would get interested in my hobbies and try to get close to me with some hidden intention or purpose to it. When I don’t get fooled by their act, it’s almost as their mask drops and I see another version of them that is much cruel and mean ? It’s like they want to “punish” you. They would paint themselves as the victim because you didn’t give them what they wanted or desired from you. Whatever that is. They would tarnish your reputation or come for you in settings. Now, I don’t think I had many Venusian friends (only 2 ) that are woman but they both would lie and act as if they’re “rich” even if they’re not and I already know they’re not and I don’t even care because I never bring such things up.

💀💀💀u have described so many people i know, its crazyyy,, one girl i went to college with who had Saturn in Bharani atmakaraka was just like u described. she was upper middle class at best but she wanted to be seen as rich so bad?? she'd insert random details to make herself sound 🤑🤑she spoke about how much she spent on clothes even tho she always wore the same stuff on repetition?? (im not being a hater, her comments always just made no sense??) she'd talk about how her family only fed their dog specially bought meat and it was just ??? i hated the way she spoke about money and same goes for another Venusian girlie i know, she wont shut up about money and always exaggerates for good effect?? its so cringe to me ngl. theyre also the type of people who want to put others down to feel better about themselves. I think Venusians in general don't like it when someone tries to imply that they're on the same "level" so they always put others down to establish superiority. every Venusian woman I know is arrogant and conceited in some ways. one time the atmakaraka chick told me that her dad bought her a new car and i was like ok good for you? and she always spoke about how its her car when it was actually just a new car for the fam after they disposed off the old one?? lol?

one time my friends and i were eating out and a really cute kid (5-6 yr old girl) and her mom came in, all my friends said that the kid resembled me quite a bit and the Bharani ak girl said "yeah she's chubby like you" 🤡🤡🤡first of all the kid wasn't "chubby" by a long shot, and even if she was who tf says that about a 5yr old??? she just wanted to establish dominance? and did not like the fact that others thought we resembled each other lmao?? what a complete asshole, imagine insulting a literal child and your friend?? Venusian women do not like it when other women seem to have the upper hand in any way. They are not girls girls, i have said this before and i'll say it again Venusians are the OG "im not like other girls" girl.

im so sorry you went through all that anon. i wish you healing and peace<3

[thesovereignsring-if]

Elizabeth Olsen, Serena Williams, Jennifer Lawrence, Celine Dion, Zendaya, Michael Jordan, and Robin Williams might remind you that younger children can have huge potential for success! I totally get that MC has been denied opportunities and sheltered so they start out on the back foot. But to be honest I’m not interested in playing as someone whose background is only used as a simple pass/fail and will give no flavor text. To be blunt I don’t want to perpetually play as the most useless person in the room. I think it’s a cool concept to have others actions/reputations hang over the MC, but I don’t want my MCs actions to have no consequence. Even if it’s just a MC who was super friendly to everyone and the party privately feeling frustrated when a noble is cold to them or being eh if they are more aloof. I’m not trying to say that eldest kids or middle children aren’t successful; anyone can be successful if they have the willpower and luck.

— a probably overly triggered youngest sibling who carries their fam

Hi anon.

You come across as a little combative in this ask, at least in my point of view, so forgive me if that is not the case, but it will colour the tone of my response.

If this is your way of telling me your expectations of the game, then I do not appreciate your phrasing and the tone of writing in doing so. In the future, I would prefer something more gentler or polite. Had not included your last line about being triggered and perhaps are acting emotionally, I would have deleted and ignored it completely. You are allowed to be honest and blunt, I welcome it, but your writing prose in this instance makes you sound aggressive, rude and accusatory and I do not like that.

Now onto what I think are your concerns:

The whole point of the game is that main character's agency allows for the change in the Empire. The MC's choices are important and they are game changing and consequential. I promised that on the game's very first post. I would not have made it an IF if that were not the case. It would take less effort to write a book.

There is no doubt that younger siblings can be successful. If I did not believe that, then I would not have made the MC the youngest child who can ascend the throne despite all the cards stacked against them.

In the original ask that I was responding too was in regards to any established preconceptions of the MC as of Chapter 1. I never said that being the youngest meant they could not rise above their siblings. I decided that considering the circumstances of their station or birth and past family history, there are preconceptions about the MC that will eclipse who the MC actually is as a person. And that preconception colours the MC's reputation to the rest of the world.

Birth order does not beget success. But using your example above, I can also say that some of those people are successful because of the efforts/privileges of the people that came before them. That they were born in better socio-economic circumstances than others, that their parents made the right connections/knew the right people, that they were born into the right family, the right coloured race, so on and so forth. Some of it might be true, some of it might not. But that doesn't matter if I believe it's true. It's a preconception that I have. This is what I am talking about when I mean there are preconceptions are being held against the MC no matter what they do.

This is only Chapter 1. Everything has to start somewhere and I made the informed decision to have all MC(s) start on this controlled platform because when there are too many variables in place, things become out of hand. This story is already too complex with multiple layers of nuances that must be juggled.

If you want your MC to be independent and ascend the throne. That is a choice that I allow players to make. There will be consequences. There will always be consequences. I will punish you for being cruel. I will punish you for being kind. You cannot make everyone happy. You can only do what you think is right. You can be as selfish or selfless as you want.

But I will say this as a warning: If my response to that original ask triggered you, then you will not enjoy the beginning of Chapter 1. Prior to drafting this response, I had just finished writing a group of scenes involving a character that is more of asshole than Eirik. He will humiliate you and look down on you for things out of your control and you will not be able to respond properly because he will be right.

Have a nice day.

[valeriefauxnom]

How Euden Was Primed To Have Identity Crises Even Before Nedrick (Or: Yet Another Very Long Analysis As To Why Euden Is More Messed Up Than He Appears)

Did you know that the whole plot point of Euden not being the actual 7th scion was decided by Okada? Yeah. Make of that what you will that that one decision impacted the whole trajectory of the story, but I'm sure to many it helps explain the transition from a more typical story about royal family infighting and rescuing siblings from demonic possession to identity crises and fighting God(s).

Surprisingly enough, though, I'd argue that Euden would be in hot water whether or not he was the 'real' 7th scion or not!

The very long and short of it ties back to my long dives here on Tumblr which explored just how ridiculously self sacrificial Euden is and how his behavior is a problem, but in this analysis I'm going to narrow in on another of his problems under the giant self sacrifice umbrella he is constantly lugging about.

As the title says, I'm going to be looking at how Euden might have had an incoming identity crisis even before Nedrick popped in to say 'hi' even if he did kickstart it in the worst way possible.

First, I'd like to establish Euden's complete lack of 'selfish' motives. Everything he does or wants tends to trail back for others.

It's started even before canon: Euden only knows how to play piano was because his father made him take lessons, eventually he decided to continue just so he wouldn't disappoint King Dad (read: Aurelius, in contrast to King Dork, Alberius, in a set of nicknames me and WillOfWinnie maintain for the fam).

He seems more personally invested in practicing the violin but maintains his study of piano just to please his father.

Then there's the very start of the game, in which he only really struck out because Aurelius and the kingdom needed him to. Personally, he wasn't interested in pacting (as he is trying to remain nonthreatening to his siblings, capitulating to their supposed 'desires' of their security) or gaining the right to the throne, but he set out regardless.

Other than that I really just have to wave vaguely to all his motives throughout the entire game+side stories. Despite how he frames them all as 'selfish' they aren't actually serving him beyond emotional fulfillment in that he thinks it's the right thing to do and make him feel good.

Forming a kingdom and establishing himself as leader? That's to protect the people fleeing the empire and establishing order instead of a quick power grab. He's a very passive ruler when it comes to ruling via traditional means and mostly seems to run the Halidom in a 'don't cause too many problems or else you'll end up in my therapy class' philosophy.

Rescuing Zethia? Well, there's... many reasons for that, not least of which freeing her and thus the people from the Other's tyranny, which is another of his goals that are for the people instead of him. Besides, one of his base form's lines is: "I've grieved and grown with Zethia. She needs me." Keep that last bit in mind...

This gets pointed out in Luca's dialogue nearly verbatim in 18:

This leads to the second point of my overall argument: Euden has few things he then can characterize himself with. Most people have some sort of individual dream or trait they view as intrinsic to them. Whether it's 'I want to be the best x ever' or 'I'm very x, personality wise' we have certain markers, no matter of how well conscious they are to our actual behavior, that we use to try and keep in touch with ourselves.

But Euden's goals, so wrapped up in other people and for other people means he's lacking some of the common methods people use to define and drive themselves. Combine that with his surprisingly low self esteem I've also addressed, Euden doesn't really seem to have many of the typical means to keep in touch with himself.

So, how does Euden keep track of who Euden is and what Euden should do?

What all these other people think of him and his actions. And other people in general.

What's one of the first things to start getting to him in his hallucination?

What's the reason he's trying to stay strong for even after everyone abandons him in his hallucination? That's right: other people, instead of any of his own real drives. He can't let other people's hopes and dreams go to waste.

"Now wait a minute," you, the hypothetical viewer I am creating to discuss with in my head as if this were a Socratic circle, say, "This is from chapter 18, after Nedrick popped up. His identity crisis was already in bloom there."

Yes, but for a big point to demonstrate that this is not a recent insecurity or tendency brought up as Nedrick reemerged, look to chapter 13 before that whole plotline. This is not a recent development, and the 'title drop' moment of this analysis: even before Nedrick, Euden has a pattern of behavior and way of thinking that set him up for identity crises because he has no strong foundation of self that's not tied to others.

"Ed" Beren why did you choose 'Ed' as a fake name instantly identified this weak spot in Euden's mind to start prodding at it.

I think it's relatively fair to say a decent chunk of people's initial response to being told they were not needed would be a feeling of indignation and sadness, depending on how close they were. Euden's?

One could argue that this is a form of indignation, 'prove them wrong', but notably any of the standard 'ha! I am needed, loser' anger-driven vehemence to protect one's self esteem isn't there. He's trying to prove his usefulness...to live up to his family and his duty to serve. Again, external things he has imposed on himself. It isn't out of vengeance to prove himself to get back at whoever the rude person is, it's an attempt to make others realize he still has a use to them.

Beren, keen as ever, notices this weakness in turn, that the big chunk of his indignation is to prove the worthiness of his dragonblood and as prince and prods that.

The essence of this conversation boils down to Euden admitting that he derives a great deal of his own self-worth, goals, and general identity from others. They are what keep him tethered.

What pride he takes in himself more comes from things like possessing the legacy of dragonblood: he feels the need to live up to Alberius' and Aurelius' legacies. That others need him. Remember his ardent claim earlier how 'Zethia needs [him]?' While it by itself more broadly fits into the slow quest people gradually undertook in Dragalia to get the two of them more independent and less mutually overprotective, it also is an example of how he's anchoring himself to what others need instead of himself.

He derives identity on what others ascribe to him: 7th scion, son of Aurelius, dragonblood, Prince... these traits are what give him that framework to define his life around. He needs to practice the sword to be strong, to then fulfill his duties as prince, so on and so forth, etc.

It's a big chunk of the reason why Nedrick's revelation hits him so hard. I've seen some people misunderstand (at least, in my book) that Euden's unhinged reaction to Nedrick's claims is because he believes shared blood is the ultimate determinate of family and that he's just really upset that he thinks now all the time spent growing up was meaningless. No, he seems perfectly fine accepting others of atypical family structures.

What was really getting him, aside from the whole 'core facts of your life have been lies', is that so much of what he's tied together- this duty, most everything he's done in the past year+, -is falling apart. Euden himself essentially calls up this whole issue in the moment:

"Who am I" is suddenly now a valid question because the biggest traits he's used to characterize himself and guide his entire modus operandi has been ripped to shreds. It's the meaning behind what those labels meant to him that makes having them ripped away hurt that much more rather than the labels themselves causing the fit.

There it is again: Euden has a deep need to feel needed. And yes, most of us do to some degree, but I think and hope I've demonstrated in this post that he is a bit too dependent on this need to drive him. As Luca later hallucinates the genocide and complete destruction of his new village as what he fears, Euden's instead revolves around abandonment and being unneeded. And these run deep enough that Euden wasn't showing any sign of being able to break through on his own and likely would have died if not for Luca's intervention.

We also see this darkly demonstrated whenever Euden thinks he is truly alone. Even in as late canon as Bondforged Euden, he has this reaction to thinking every single person and dragon he fought for is dead:

All I can say here is that he's essentially (and possibly literally, I don't know) lying down, ready to let fiends maul him to death with no more struggle, which is...concerning. Before in the Ch.18 hallucination he was adamant about continuing because the others had their dreams...but now that they are 'dead' he's giving up life itself.

Even in Halloween Mym's fantasies, which are notably more closer to the core components of Euden's actual behavior (selflessness, deference to elder siblings, etc) now that she's had more time to get to know him, the vaguely southern, tough-but-sweet-on-the-inside orphan imagining of him immediately is ready to, guess what? Let himself be mauled to death by a fiend because he thinks Mym's dead and he sees no further point in living. I'm sensing a pattern with how Euden chooses to go out-

Ahem. Anyways, the point is that when Euden thinks his sources of motivation and those who need him, who gave him meaning are gone, he himself sees no more need to live either. While it certainly wasn't helped by Nedrick, this is an overall pattern to his motives and personality that existed before, too.

And it's a dangerous one in its own right, even aside from how it again falls under the 'selfless' umbrella that overhangs all his more specific problems. (Honestly, 'selfless' almost takes on its own meaning in this context, not in the sense of being willing to throw one's self onto the pyre for another, but in the sense he has no true internal drive to characterize himself. Maybe why Nedrick+Beren's no.1 go-to insult is calling him hollow? He 'rings hollow' to them and needs to find meaning and drive to fill the gap elsewhere).

Please do take this next bit with the tiniest grain of salt, as somebody who merely has taken an abnormal psych+a few other psych classes in college, but he almost seems to start showing shades of something not quite Borderline Personality Disorder or Dependent Personality Disorder. While I don't actually think he meets many/enough of the criteria for either one, nor am I wanting to play armchair psychologist and get on a whole 'x has y disorder!!!' thing some people do and unintentionally diminish the significance of what y disorder is to those who have it, he still has shades of what we would start to consider clinical degrees of dysfunction.

For the former, one of the big facets of BPD is the fear of abandonment. While, again, he doesn't show some of the other core traits like 'splitting', ie, having rapid mood swings of idealizing others and demonizing them the next, his frantic desperation to avoid abandonment lines up. So too is the tendency to feel 'lost' and 'empty', as well as his trouble identifying himself. Again, for every 1 thing that lines up well, 3 other things don't, but it still is an interesting connection, I think.

Dependent Personality Disorder also doesn't fit him for similarly many reasons. It shares the fear of abandonment, but Euden doesn't particularly struggle to decide what to do- he knows what he has to do to fulfill the duties his roles have placed on him- nor does he feel completely helpless without someone to 'take care' of him. As I've long discussed, he's more of the 'desperately seeking to take care of others' type. But it he does have other few shades, as his tendency to submit to other's wills and efforts not to aggravate them.

Again: this is not even worth 2 cents. It simply sets my eyebrows rising a bit when I linked up just how intense his behavior patterns are to concepts like the 4 D's and those disorders in my pattern-seeking monkey brain trying to hammer square pegs into round holes.

The 4 D's, as I recall, were a guideline in determining normal behaviors or quirks from actual, diagnosable, 'yep this is a Problem' disorders. They are Danger, Deviance, Distress, and Dysfunction. Danger is easy: is it dangerous to one's self or others? Deviance: is the behavior(s/thoughts/etc notably atypical compared to cultural standards? Distress, is the behavior causing marked distress in one's or other's lives? Dysfunction, does it markedly interfere with living a normal life or fulfilling one's daily tasks? I could see an argument for all 4.

I think what I intended by bringing this up is simply to stress just how disruptive his behaviors are. No, he does not have BPD (bipolar or borderline!), nor does he have DPD. But the fact he shares quite a few qualities that are considered atypical enough to be symptomatic is, again, a testament to how concerning and dangerous he would be in real life.

In any case, I really do need to wrap this up since I've danced around my points long enough. If you've suffered along for this long, especially combined with my other long dissections into what I believe is the hidden dark side of the moon to Euden's character, thank you. I hope you've found some of this interesting, at least!

[jlfletcher]

I want a fic about normal non-spectacular human reader. They're not a spider-person and they have no powers. However, they've been stuck in the spider verse for a long time now and just can't find a way to get back home for some reason. They've been around so long that Miguel and them have been dating for a while......

My attempt at the fic below 👇

They actually work at the spider society doing the tasks that the spider-men are too busy to do. Like filing reports, building watches, tailoring and repairing suits, helping maintain Lyla's software (Lyla and Reader are besties now), ect. The reader has become so capable that when they head back to their universe (if they head back) they'll probably be a certified genius......

They're actually really capable despite feeling like they don't belong (bc they're not a spider-person) but everyone thinks they're really efficient and helpful. The fact that a normal person is able to keep up with the maintenance and care of HQ and the spider people in general amazes them anyway. The only thing is that Miguel doesn't know. They usually don't have a lot of free time together, what with reader's various jobs to do around HQ and Miguel busy running the place. Reader doesn't mean to keep it from Miguel, it just never comes up. And it's basically that trope of like reader walking around working on like some maintenance checklist and then as soon as they turn the corner, Miguel enters the room they just left. It makes sense because reader does odd jobs all around HQ and Miguel doesn't have spider sense anyway.

Until one day Miguel sees reader in the cafeteria talking to the spider fam. He sees reader holding a container of food and assumes they swung by to drop it off for him like usual. He just watches like a creep because he hasn't seen reader in a little while and gets a bit bothered when he sees Hobie swing his arm around their shoulders and lean on them as they converse with the others. And Miguel just stands there thinking, "Wait a minute, when did they grow so acquainted with them?"

He enters the cafeteria and reader turns and smiles warmly as they see him, walking up to say hi to him. Reader greets him softly which makes his lips twitch up in a smile before Hobie slinks around reader again and mentions with an amused smirk to Miguel, "Haven't seen you around in a while. Thought you were allergic to the café."

Reader softly chuckles with a quirked brow, "C'mon, Hob. You know I always grab food for him, it's not his fault."

Miguel's lips pressed into a line as he viewed the interaction up close, thinking to himself, "Hob? You have a nickname for his nickname?"

"Yeah but who gets you food, love?"

"Hobart.", reader sighs with a warning tone being clued in enough to gauge Miguel's tense aura.

"Ouch, the full name, huh? And here I thought I grew on you.", Hobie leans closer to the reader. Smirking not only at their banter but at the intense glare Miguel's shooting at him that he can see in his peripherals. Truthfully, there's nothing romantic between the two of them. Hobie and reader are more akin to siblings with the elder reader handling the younger Hobie's mischievousness.

"Get out of here, you rascal.", reader says with a chuckle, gently nudging Hobie back towards the others and away from Miguel. Hobie only winks at the reader before returning to his seat at the table with the others, knowing exactly what he's stirred up. The group all not so subtly watching Miguel and reader interact, their favorite topic of gossip.

"So, who gets you food?"

"Huh?"

"Who's the one that gets you food?"

Reader releases a wry chuckle, "I usually get my own food but sometimes... Hob."

Miguel stares at them for a second before grabbing their wrist and leading them out of the cafeteria. And reader can only think with a small smirk, "Ah, here we go." , unable to contain their happiness about finally spending time with him despite the context of the situation.

He leads them to his office to discuss what all that was about and as soon as Miguel's about to speak, reader cuts him off quickly as they present him with the food container, "I made chicken molé, it's my grandma's recipe."

He can't help but mirror the smile reader gives him as he gently takes the food, "Thank you."

Reader sighs before speaking, "Look. I know you're upset about how close Hobie is with me."

"I thought it was 'Hob'.", Miguel grumbled.

"Miguel.", reader spoke in a firmer tone, with their arms crossed over their chest as they look at him similarly to how they did earlier at Hobie.

Miguel just sighs as he waits for reader to continue.

"He's just a kid from a really unfortunate universe. I know you know that. I am very grateful that he is able to be that comfortable with me and I wouldn't ever tell him not to be. ¿Entiendes?"

Well when they put it like that... Miguel's shoulders slump a bit as he nods reluctantly, "Si entiendo."

Reader gently cups his cheek as they look up at him lovingly with a soft smile, whispering tenderly to him, "No one will ever hold me like you do, mi amor."

Miguel leans into their touch before wrapping his arms around them, sighing softly in relief into the crook of their neck, "How long has it been since I last held you, querida/o?"

Reader smiles softly as they turned to kiss his cheek while running their fingers through his hair, "Too long."

Soon the moment is cut short as Pavitr's happy voice echos off the walls, "Readerrrr! My suit ripped again and I don't know how to patch a hole like this! Can you put the little- Oh! Am I interrupting?" Pavitr's eyes widen as he sees the two releasing from each other's embrace and reader can sense the smile under his mask.

Reader sighs and hops down from Miguel's platform to take a look at the new hole in the fabric of his suit; nodding in relief as they see he's not injured. Reader digs a necklace out of their satchel before handing it to Pavitr, "Here. Take off your suit for me to repair it. Then put this on and press the center medallion. It's a temp suit but don't go running around with it and don't return home. It has a time limit." Pavitr nods and bounds out the door while shouting a giddy, "Thank you."

Reader sighs again and turns to Miguel, shaking their head with a smile, "That's his third repair this month. I need to research a more durable material in his universe."

Miguel looks confused as he jumps down from the platform in front of reader, "Why are you repairing it?"

Reader tilts their head in confusion as they answer slowly, "Because I repair things......?"

Miguel and reader stare at each other for a few seconds before they both speak.

"How often are you here?"

"You know I work here, right?"

Miguel eyes grow wide with concern. He's somewhat rushed when he voices his worries as he gently grabs reader's shoulders, "You can't work here, it's dangerous! Do you know how many anomalies we capture everyday? What if you get hurt?"

And reader just stares at him before chuckling softly, holding his face in their hands to still the mild panic roaring through him, "Miguel, cariño, calm down. I just do mundane work here. Plus, I'm usually in the engineering lab on the other side of the building (away from the anomalies)......"

Soon enough, the reader explains some of the things they do there as they sit, tinkering with a faulty gadget in Miguel's office. Him watching them work, intrigued by the way their hands move. That is until Miguel snaps out of his thoughts, confused by the way they talk about HQ and the other spider people so casually, "Wait... how long have you been working here?"

Reader hums in thought as they continue to work, "Uhhmm. I think about....... a year and a half, give or take."

"YOU'VE BEEN HERE FOR A YEAR AND A HALF AND I DIDN'T NOTICE?!"

*cue Lyla cackling in the background

I started this as a writing request but ended up writing it myself by the end, huh? Well in my head this version of reader is based of my bff. She really is a jack of all trades kind of person and she's actually my muse but...... Am I shipping my bff with Miguel O'hara? Yes, yes I am. I hate to admit it (because I would definitely tap that) but they're a match made in heaven 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Reliable mom friend reader + stressed leader who needs some of the burden lifted off his shoulders Miguel = OTP

[cicada-circuitry]

holy crap I am *so* interested in your WIPs for FAM! I will restrain myself from asking about all of them and instead ask about #6 "second only to the moon." (though prepare yourself for more asks from me haha).

Omg an ask from one of the cool kids my day has been MADE

#6 second only to the moon was actually the very first thing I ever jotted down while watching the show!! its molly/margo but mostly just molly - vehicle for having too many feelings re: the solar storm in 2x01

its pretty connected to what eventually turned into woman on a ledge - could have even been a little epilogue/A Few Years Later type deal, but since I only had the vaguest idea what else was coming in the show when i wrote it, it doesn't quite fit there structurally or anywhere without reworking.

snippet under the cut!

"It's too hard to say if I’d trade it.” She studied the blur of the edges of her hand in front of the light on the only ceiling as familiar as her own. “Right now, the easy answer would be yeah, of course. If nobody else’s life was on the line, and I might still be standing on that big gray rock…” 

She dropped her hand down into the sheets, fishing till she found someone else's fingers hiding under the pillow. “But there’s no guarantee I would be. I mean, who else my age hasn’t aged out or died a few miles short of the one thing they wanted?” 

“But you coulda had more time.” 

“Oh sure.” Molly agreed, tugging that hand up to her lips, kissing the backs of the knuckles, slow. “And don’t get me wrong. This bed right here, this view? Second only to the moon.” 

“I can’t even be insulted. That still ranks me above outer space.” 

“Ooh. You ask the real questions. If the moon is in space, was I counting it as all part of— hey!” 

She laughed as fingers found her ribs, curling in, meeting those wide, clear, glasses-off eyes. She ran her fingers through Margo’s hair, not quite long enough to stay behind the ear where she put it. 

“I just meant… I got to see it, Margo. The way the dust shivered and danced… the sun gives us one hell of a deadly kiss up there, but I saw it. No one else did. No one bunkered down in the basement, not poor Wubbo, unlucky bastard, passed out in the middle of the greatest show of 'em all.” 

She stroked Margo’s lip with a thumb. “I’m glad I got to come back and have this. See this. But some part of me knows, if that dust storm had been the last thing I ever saw… might have still been worth it.”

[k-nayee]

BLURB and Author's Note

Vespertilio M.List

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ˏ⸉ˋ‿̩͙‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˏ⸉ˋ‿̩͙‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˏ⸉ˋ‿̩͙‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙.·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .‿̩̥̩‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˊ⸊ˎ‿̩̥̩‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˊ⸊ˎ‿̩̥̩‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˊ⸊ˎ

With a final, devastating blow, you send the Nomu far away from the battlefield.

And as its monstrous form sailed through the air, your eyes lock onto Tomura Shigaraki's. Red vermillion filled with unbridled fury is what you meet.

❛Hmm...I'll fix that for him❜

❝YOU—❞ he starts, his voice dripping with venom, but he never finishes the sentence.

You materialize before him in a heartbeat, fingers wrapped around his neck in a vice-like grip. There's no triumphant glee in your eyes, only one of bored arrogance.

Time stops. Both heroes and villains alike freeze, their eyes widening at the sight of you—a mere student—holding the League of Villains ringleader by the throat.

Seething with humiliation, Shigaraki lungs for your wrist in attempt to regain control of the situation. His brittle fingers close around your skin, eyes squinting with a eerily grin as he waits for that satisfying crumble, that disintegration, that ultimate proof of his power.

But then he freezes. ❛No...no...nononononononono❜

Your skin....

❛My quirk....is absolute....It destroys.....So why...❜

Shigaraki's pupils tremble the longer he stares at your rapidly healing skin. It breaks and flake, like ashes scattering to the wind. And in their place, new skin forms, unmarred and whole as if nothing had happened.

❛Why isn't it working?❜

His thoughts whirl, a tornado of denial and disbelief, until the horrifying truth crashes into him: he is powerless against you.

 ❝Not so fun when it's happening to you...is it?❞

With a gnawing sense of dread, he shakily moves view from your wrist back to your eyes. Instead of reflecting the jovial tone of your voice; they were livid, bloodshot, filled with a rage and intensity he's never seen, never felt before. 

Shigaraki realizes—without a shadow of doubt—that you have the power to crush his windpipe, to end him right then and there. Terrified, he breaks from your gaze and frantically tries to release himself from your iron grip on his throat.

And in that instant, his eyes betray him. A flicker of genuine, unfiltered fear seep deep in those once malicious filled eyes—fear of you.

∘₊✧───────✧₊∘∘₊✧──────✧₊∘∘₊✧──────✧₊∘∘₊✧───────✧₊∘

If you came from my Dreamer BTS book, welcome back! If not, that means I'm at least doing sum right and gaining reads🤧

Not gonna do a whole ass speech, we all know the basic things. But to make sure, the most important things I wanna emphasis on will be bolded so you cant say I didn't warn ya:

1) Plagiarism is a HELLA big no no. Takes a lot of time and energy to even to write out a whole completed chapter other than half-assed drafts. If I find out you stealing without credit: I'm blocking and reporting until your account is taken down.

2) This story will contain profanity, violence, dark humor, and other mature themes

3) I will either skip over certain parts of the anime/manga or diverge the plot because I don't wanna follow every episode (too many bnha fanfics out here, gets redundant reading the same order of events)

4) Canon characters may/will be slight ooc, but will maintain their overall personality

5) Mc (you) will hold reference to inner Moka Akashiya when she transforms. Any and all toxic traits said and done are intentional

6) Mc height will not be explicitly stated, however just know it won't be too short, so please refrain from those "I'm 4'9 🥺 so short" whenever height is brought up. Its annoying, we don't need to know how tall you are fam. Just enjoy the book

7) Other than the white hair and red eye color whenever Mc temporarily transforms into Moka: eye color, skin tone, and other descriptions are up to reader

8) Even if Mc simps after Aizawa, there will be no relationship. I don't care that the "age of consent in Japan is 13", its trifling and weird. Stop making excuses for why young kids can bang grown ass tax-paying fully brain developed ADULTS

9) I may end up making the book an "in-between arc" type of story if I either get too lazy or don't know how to end it

10) Please don't come on my most recent updated chapters and comment "can you update blah blah?" I live a life outside of Tumblr, so please don't be commenting "update update!" (plus that shit is hella rude and disrespectful and I don't like pressure; takes the fun out of writing) 🤷🏾♀

[smartass-hoot]

MY AWESOME GIRLBOSS POGSLAY BROEST OF BROS, THE DAFFODUDE TO MY BROSES, THE BROMEO TO MY BRUHLIET!! i wanna know: jasmine tea, caramel macchiato, earl grey, and sparkling water :3

EYYYY IT'S MY BROULMATE, THE NOYA TO MY TANAKA 😤 mwah i love you bro you the bestest 🩷🩵 (link to the OG ask)

jasmine tea: If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?

oh man, i've always wanted to go to italy bc i love their food so damn much askjdnsdkfjk. i enjoy architecture and views and all too but my primary focus whenever i travel is trying to experience the culture of the place AND WHAT BETTER WAY TO DO IT THAN FOOD?? i've been obsessed with pasta from when i was a smol bean so i'd love to go there and taste all sorts of pasta and have fun with the locals (i think we'd get along 'cause our cultures are pretty similar).

caramel machhiato: You’re travelling the entire world but you can only take one person with you. Who do you take?

this is so hard 😭 i'd normally say family but since this is only one person, i'll have to choose a friend (my fam won't enjoy shit unless we're all together lmao). honestly i'd probably take my irl friend Art 'cause she's also a foodie like me and she enjoys taking long scenic walks to properly appreciate the places we're visiting. she also enjoys the same kinds of adventures that i do, and since our vibes match so much whenever we go out, i feel like we'd have the time of our lives even if it was just the both of us travelling the world askjdnskfjnkj

earl grey: The inevitable Zombie Apocalypse is upon us! What’s your plan of action?

holy shit okay,,, so i actually have a whole procedure planned out for this + scoping out locations and route maps irl and learning how to hotwire a bus (ofc i only think about this a normal amount what are you talking about haha).

there's this huuuge supermarket that's located in the middle of nowhere so fewer zombies, so that would be the first place i hit to grab all the non-expiring canned food + high calorie stuff and a gas stove. and then since there's a bus parking space nearby i'd go there to steal one. buses are obviously the most safe option where i live because you can keep all your friends with you + luggage space + less damage when ramming into something. and then i'd go to this one statue place that's in the middle of a hugeass lake, and swim my way there since i'm assuming zombies won't be able to cover that big of a distance nor hear us from so afar. yada yada you get the gist of things lmao ksdjfnksjdf

anyways, i'd probably try to outlast the zombies without direct interaction, but if i run outta supplies or it seems like i'm going to get bitten or if it just gets too much, i'd probably try to take out as many zombies as possible with me lmao.

sparkling water: Describe what qualities you look for in a person

ooooh!!! i think i'm pretty flexible with the kind of people i like spending time with but some things i'd definitely prefer is someone who has a sense of humour (i laugh at everything and i love cracking jokes so this person should ideally enjoy the same haha), someone who is passionate and driven (it could be about anything in the world literally, i just love being able to support people's interests), someone who is kind (and i don't mean a goody two shoes, just someone with basic empathy and compassion), and someone who shares at least a couple of interests with me (could be animanga, reading, music, adventure, etc because i really love doing things together with people and just gushing for hours nonstop about some random thing).

anyways thanks for the ask bro, loved answering these 😤

[jakesangel]

hello to my beautiful princess! ^^ 💞

lately i've been dealing with so many intrupting thoughts that makes me feel so nervous and i can't focus on anything, it's even effecting my studies! 😭

do you have any advice for what should i do to not be worried about everything? like i even get stressed thinking about little things that actually doesn't matter to anyone...

i don't know how to describe it but feeling like i'm not enough for my family or friends, i'm literally trying my best to be the best. :(

p.s - you and your blog are becoming my safe place, i love you so much and wish i could hug you. <3 💘

sorry for my bad english.🧸

hello to my beautiful anon bby <3 you're english is the best ᵎ besides in the one making so many mistakes ㅋㅋ my blog is becoming a safe place >0< this is so crazy it means so so so munch to me. i'm sending a hug back bby <3

i so relate to you, i used to be so so so insecure n overthinking everything that i wouldn't let myself swallow my saliva in case i would make noises... i would also let myself endure too munhc physical pain ( holding my pre or not coughing ) for the exact same reason.

it took me a time to be better n not let things overwhelm me anymore. i've realized that i can no keep living for people for the rest of my life. it's too munch. i also realized that people don't care ᵎ do you care that people cough in class ? do you think people would even hear you swallowing ur own saliva ? of course not ! the same goes w ur worries !

not feeling enough is also a very common feeling we all more or less experience, specially growing up where everyone discovers themselves. idk about ur family situation, but as the eldest daughter in a african family, i had so so so munch of those thoughts eating me up. i'm still having those thoughts but as i learned that i am enough whether i don't study enough or not. in order to do that i had to distance myself from them a little n started to live my life. meaning like doing my own thing not depending of their opinion. like in my fam nobody eats well nor workout for health reasons. so when i started to do so, they didn't even knew it n didn't say anything either ? our family doesn't care as munch as we think they do. they'll most likely encourage you or follow your example ( my mom started to eat well just recently ! )

the same w friendship i also had trouble to think i was enough n always needed the feeling to lie to impress them. but friendship are sooo different than family love. friends don't have to stay, they don't have any obligation to stay friend w u, to feed u, or put a roof over your head. they're by ur side because they like you n think ur amazing even if they don't show it the way u want or need them to, them sticking by ur side, is the ultimate gesture of true love from friends. also you do not need to impress anyone but you. you're gonna live w urself n urself only for thé rest of your life. people coke n go n so their thoughts. they shouldn't have an impact on how u view urself or how u want to live <3

i didn't understand about your interrupting thoughts so idk what to tell you about that, tho u can come in my inbox again so i can help you if i'm able to ofc <3

[porcelain-giyuu]

yayyy i am so glad this blog is still alive lol.

RIP to the OMC au outline you will be missed 🪦

Here’s my thoughts, idk how to organize this so prepare for word vomit:

For the nesting au

I think this is especially interesting if tsutako were engaged as in canon. giyuu would probably dread tsutako getting married bc of the likelihood of her having pups. would he be afraid of being replaced/forgotten about? would he be jealous of her fiancé and their future pups??

I think an interesting fic idea is mb giyuu stressing out about this and having a breakdown in which he admits to tsutako about this and how he views her, and how upset he gets when she calls him a “practice pup.” how would tsutako react??

idk this.., I just love this hc.

would tsutako think of Giyuu as her son too? Idk what their age gap is, but if she’s the only one who remembers their parents, she might think of him as her own pup but feels that by taking on that role that she is then erasing their parents memories or overstepping or w/e.

also, I just need to know how the hashira react to Giyuu and mui imprinting on each other lol. Like, their whole perspective of this dude they’ve been working w for years changes when they see him suddenly taking on a parental role.

Giyuus instincts awakening is gonna be like a second puberty for him, I see the potential for a lot of awkward moments lol. he’s definitely gonna need help from the other hashira.

as for the uzugang/giyuu fivesome:

i think the uzui fam and giyuus’ personalities contrast really well, I think he’d kinda be like a blunter, quieter, more tone deaf hinatsuru, he just calms everyone down, a say it how it is kind of guy yk. And Giyuu could really benefit from their company, like when uzui finds out that giyuus really not a bad guy, he’d probably help him open up more to the other hashira (in his own flamboyant, uzui way of course.) Suma, Hina, and Makio would be so patient w him, they would not find his quietness/ off putting, I think it would be really wholesome. The uzui quartet would appreciate him for his honesty and his selflessness.

I need to see how the uzui foursome falls in love w him. like whatd this guy do to warrant being called the crazy little fuck? howd he manage to impress them all so much lol I need to know. Them flirting w him and he just doesn’t know how to respond, or the hashira seeing a relationship develop btwn people who are on completely opposite sides of the personality spectrum

Something that also makes this really interesting is that before becoming demon slayers the uzui pack believed that the mission was more valuable than their own lives. Uzui makes it his mission to make sure his wives value their lives and live w/o guilt. How would they react when they see a reflection of their past selves in Giyuu?

this was a lot you don’t have to respond to all of it, or any of it you could word vomit and id eat it right up. your aus just got me thinking lol, it’s why I kept my request so broad ;)))

please never apologize for word vomit!!! i love your ideas and your interaction means the world to me. genuinely got me giggling and kicking my feet. anon i might just have to fall in love with you/j 

also sorry for the massive long post i’m about to drop on you 

CW; mentions of canonical character death, dismissal of ones own life, maybe some minor illusions to violence

For the nesting au

      I think this is especially interesting if tsutako were engaged as in canon. giyuu would probably dread tsutako getting married bc of the likelihood of her having pups. would he be afraid of being replaced/forgotten about? would he be jealous of her fiancé and their future pups??

i think about tsutako and her fiancé a lot. over all of my aus, i use the same family and fiancé because i got attached to them in OMC. in there they had a positive relationship, but here not so much. giyuu is apprehensive and abnormally cold to them all, especially tsutakos fiancé kohei (full name nagai kohei- he’s great!) who attempts to form a positive relationship with giyuu.

he resents the nagai family just as must as he is glad for their fondness of tsutako. she’s loved and treasured properly; giyuu just can’t reconcile with the idea that she might not want him in her future life. 

he’s under the impression that he will take up too much of her biological pups space in the future and assumes she thinks so too. this reflects poorly in his attitude towards the marriage, kohei, the nagai family and even tsutako. 

he doesn’t really have the heart to be truly jealous of her future pups; he loves his sister too much to honestly think badly about her happiness. 

       I think an interesting fic idea is mb giyuu stressing out about this and having a breakdown in which he admits to tsutako about this and how he views her, and how upset he gets when she calls him a “practice pup.” how would tsutako react?? would tsutako think of Giyuu as her son too? Idk what their age gap is, but if she’s the only one who remembers their parents, she might think of him as her own pup but feels that by taking on that role that she is then erasing their parents memories or overstepping or w/e.

this is actually something i’ve already got planned!! tsutako does remember their parents, as she was 14 when they died. it hit her really hard, because her mother was pregnant and her father was their pack alpha. she was just starting to have mock heats/deeper instincts so she was very lost the first few years. having her little brother helped, because small children act as a sort of pseudo-beta until their dynamics develop. 

she views him kind of as her son, yeah. but she feels a lot of guilt over it as she knows giyuu doesn’t actually remember their parents very well- she thinks she’s taken too much space in giyuus life as a “fake parent”. she and giyuu mirror each other in that way. she was also vaguely resentful towards her parents for leaving her to raise a child AS a child, but it was another faucet of her overwhelming grief. 

she would be wrecked. she loves giyuu dearly and thought she was doing him a kindness for not pushing her own feelings on him, but to find out he thought of her the same way and was hurt by her casual dismissals hurts her in turn. she still feels guilt about taking their parents place in his life but she now eases into it a little more. 

also, I just need to know how the hashira react to Giyuu and mui imprinting on each other lol. Like, their whole perspective of this dude they’ve been working w for years changes when they see him suddenly taking on a parental role. 

   Giyuus instincts awakening is gonna be like a second puberty for him, I see the potential for a lot of awkward moments lol. he’s definitely gonna need help from the other hashira.

oh the hashira have such varying personalities and views of both giyuu and mui it’s hilarious. 

shinobu (a fairly mid-range alpha) was the first to know- she was leading the team of kakushi to their location when muis crow finally came in after the blizzard and suitably freaked out a bit. she was kind of angry about it being a fully recognized imprint, which means giyuu imprinted back and now he’s got a son apparently. during their recovery there’s a lot of her trying to keep tanjiro the FUCK OUT. because him bringing around all these children will definitely fuck with giyuu more. 

tanjiro is under the impression of “more people to support you and love you while you recover is always the best option” but doesn’t realize that he’s kind of opening pandora’s box. 

the other hashira have varying reactions. gyomei (another omega who has experience with taking care of multiple children) feels deeply for giyuu and thinks that though odd, they make a good pair and will suit each others needs. he’s definitely glad and amused by the pups giyuu collects (who actually kind of collect him), starting with mui and going farther. 

mitsuri (an energetic omega) thinks it’s the cutest most wonderful thing she’s ever seen. she finds out from rengoku (who survives in this au and becomes the kamabokos teacher!!) who learned from the kids. she only saw giyuu and mui in recovery once while going to visit shinobu, but they were so adorable silently drinking tea and watching clouds in the gardens!!

sanemi (beta) and obanai (beta) have similar but still varied reactions. obanai has an overwhelming sense of dread whenever he sees giyuu, followed by an odd sort of jealousy. how did this self-righteous, boring egotistical egg of a man become a better parent then the ones he was born to? obanai doesn’t like it. 

sanemi hates giyuu. it doesn’t help that tanjiro has been basically kidnapping genya to take to giyuu, resulting in the hilarious view of this huge newly-presenting omega begrudgingly following around his pseudo-dam. who babys him and is harsh with him in equal measure. overall sanemi is unnerved and unsettled by it. 

rengoku (one of the four alpha pillars) thinks it’s enthralling. he’s glad that these wayward children have someone reliable to look to, even if it isn’t always him! it helps he’s got a little bit of a crush on giyuu- but he’s definitely not letting him anywhere near senjuro. he heard about giyuu claiming that kanao girl as one of his pups (right under shinobus nose!) and would rather not go through that. 

uzui (alpha) thinks it’s fucking hilarious, and the dramatics definitely increase giyuus flamboyancy in his eyes. 

as for the  uzugang/giyuu fivesome:

i think the uzui fam and giyuus’ personalities contrast really well, I think he’d kinda be like a blunter, quieter, more tone deaf hinatsuru, he just calms everyone down, a say it how it is kind of guy yk. And Giyuu could really benefit from their company, like when uzui finds out that giyuus really not a bad guy, he’d probably help him open up more to the other hashira (in his own flamboyant, uzui way of course.) Suma, Hina, and Makio would be so patient w him, they would not find his quietness/ off putting, I think it would be really wholesome. The uzui quartet would appreciate him for his honesty and his selflessness.

I need to see how the uzui foursome falls in love w him. like whatd this guy do to warrant being called the crazy little fuck? howd he manage to impress them all so much lol I need to know. Them flirting w him and he just doesn’t know how to respond, or the hashira seeing a relationship develop btwn people who are on completely opposite sides of the personality spectrum 

oh the uzui fam at first just thinks he’s interesting. a puzzle, who reflects old views they had about their own lives and needs to be solved. but after spending a lot of time with him, learning the ways to get him to engage himself, learning anything they can and watching him exist so quietly- when they know he could be louder, bolder- they become invested. 

they fall in love with him for lots of different reasons. different times and scenarios- their first inklings that each of them loves him are completely separate. 

hinatsuru catches him on the edges of the estate, walking in tight circles and looking longingly at their home- he wasn’t invited today. he came… to them. he made the effort to see them. she laughs, and takes his arm, walking towards the orchard instead of the house. in the warm sun, broken often by clouds, hinatsuru wants giyuu to make an effort always. she wants to give the effort back, too. she wants giyuu with them, and it doesn’t matter what that looks like. 

makio realized she was in love with him without him there. she was at a market, buying gifts for her wives and husband (as she does often, she loves them and they deserve nice things) and she found herself with an extra little thing at each stand she visited. at the end of the day, before returning home, she lays out the extra things she bought to figure them out. 

a blue tourmaline hairpin-which would look nice on suma but wouldn’t quite match her- some sturdy gloves in a size that wouldn’t fit any of them, and a small book on weather patterns. there’s only one person who’s ever mentioned interest in weather, and when she thinks about the pin in thick black hair it matches perfectly. she doesn’t know when she memorized the size of giyuus hands, but it’s just as well.

suma thinks she could fall in love with giyuu easily. he tempers them in a different way then hina, colder (but not sharply- always gentle and quiet) and less often. he seems unsure of himself around them but the moment there is something he perceives as Job or Mission, he becomes so oddly confident in everything. there is no hesitation. no room for error or slowness. 

she notices his accuracy. demons killed by pinpointing the softest part of their neck; the exact moment an opening is available giyuu is there. he recognizes the nanosecond they’re vulnerable because she thinks in some way he’s always vulnerable. he has no openings to them at first, treating them as Mission. as he becomes less sure of himself around them, she becomes more sure of his place. she falls in love with him easily, but not simply. 

tengen falls in love with him the moment he takes off his haori. it’s not due to him hating the thing or thinking it’s ugly- but a deeper understanding of it’s meaning and symbolism. giyuu told him where it came from after he asked. 

he talks about tsutako and sabito, how they shaped him. how their loss shaped him. how he keeps their memory both locked away and painted on his skin; that they’re his in a deep, sorrowful way. 

giyuu takes off the haori, and lets uzui hold it. it speaks of a monumental trust that uzui has never seen from him before: giyuu is very possessive of material gifts or things that hold sentimental value. he’s worn makios gloves and pin every day for months, only letting her touch them. 

it sparks a need to keep giyuu with them. something tengen has felt building over months finally ignites, adding to the pyre he considers his love towards his wives. he wants giyuu to trust him. he wants giyuu to keep him- not in the way he keeps tsutako and sabito, but in the way he rereads the book makio gave him over and over again. the way he sits with hina in the orchard- the way he sleeps on the engawa outside of their room even though he has his own. the way he and suma speak, fast vs slow, still somehow steady. 

   Something that also makes this really interesting is that before becoming demon slayers the uzui pack believed that the mission was more valuable than their own lives. Uzui makes it his mission to make sure his wives value their lives and live w/o guilt. How would they react when they see a reflection of their past selves in Giyuu?

when they get down to all of the nitty-gritty layers of giyuu, they react generally with grief and then determination. they refuse to let him carry it all- from what they know about his family and former friends they would be glad of him healing. 

giyuu values the mission heavily. he puts emphasis on not being the true water pillar: believing that he’s just a placeholder until someone competent comes along. but there is one catch: he refuses to die before someone worthy takes his place. 

the uzui fam see this as his final stand against his overwhelming survivors guilt, grief, and other personal issues. they’d be right, of course, but it doesn’t mean it’s not frustrating. getting giyuu to see the value of his life without its value coming from others is very hard

[wa-royal-tea]

I absolutely adore how organized your story is, especially the planning you showed a bit of! I know you said you use custom boards, but do you have any tips for using notion to plan as well as organize (for a total newbie haha)?

Hiii!!! Thank you for saying that! 🥺 I love to keep my stuff organised so it would be easier for future me to read when I need to 😭 I don't have much tips I can share bcs this "system" is what works for me. I'm not sure if it'll work for everyone 😭 I usually like to colour code my notion and milanote board.

I'll explain more under the cut. It's a bit long so I'm sorry for the ramblings I might do 🧎‍♀️

So the way I make my own boards is by making pages and tables for the arcs I'm working on.

This is my previous arc's Episode(s) plot points. Originally this table is put on the main page of my board but since I've completed it, I moved it into One Step Closer's page. The first one is the one you see above, the normal table view, and the one below is the view with a thumbnail. The thumbnail view is only for me to use as a reference on what is in that post so when I want to make a pose for a future scene, I can just look at that thumbnail and I'd remember what poses did I make for that scene.

On the table, I put in the title for the scenes, I simply just use "Episodes" bcs I'm too lazy to think of a title for each posts ajfhkajfa. And then I add in the "status" of the post so I remember which post is done and which are not yet.

^ these are the status I have for my board. And then I added the draft date, posted date, draft link (I started doing this bcs tumblr "eats" your drafts once it reached more than 15/20 posts), post link (I do this so it's easier for me to refer to the post without looking for it on my own on my blog 🤡), Link to the Arc page on the board, Notes/TL;DR of the scene (in case I needed to fix anything, I just write it down here so I won't wonder why the status of the scene is "amendment" without a reason jshkla it happened before and I was so confused about WHAT I needed to fix 😭)

And then on each of the episodes' page, I write in details about what I want to happen in that scene, my research links, all the readings I've made, if I have drawn anything, I'd put it in there too as a reference, and then my script. A lot of the times, I didn't follow my exact plan to a T and I mostly use them as a reference. Like, originally, the Alfie and Lina attack at the National Day ball wasn't supposed to happen that way. Alfie was supposed to be attacked publicly during the family's arrival at Brindleton Square. But I changed it bcs I don't think it makes sense for Keira to get past all the security details that the royal fam has on that day and even get a chance to hurt Alfie or Lina. So I discussed it with Whitney and we decided to change it and make the attack happen at the ball instead and I took some liberties with that scene. She could attend the ball as a guest and she can sneak in to the balcony where Alfie was at and attack him there. Lina and Alfie still got hurt, and I still achieved my goal for that scene, just in a different way.

I think I'm done with my ramblings sjkhfjka but yea, this is how I work with my board and story. This works for me bcs I'm a dumbass who needs everything to be organised or I'll be lost and I won't know what to do when I'm lost 😭So to make things easier for me, I came up with this colour coding system and try to be super organised with my plannings 💀

But what works for me, might not work for others! And if anyone wants to follow my system, by all means, go ahead if it helps you! ❤