#and try guys if we just pretend that ned is a normal person

[waterghostype]

i think about how nya was looking at jay when he was talking to baby wu often

[rise-my-angel]

The thing is, house Stark did have some incestous relationships in the past between characters we don’t know personally. To think that our Jon, the guy whose mind we’ve seen from the inside, would willingly bang his small sisters is proof these people read his chapters with eyes closed and brains turned off. Not surprising tho, judging by the quality of “metas” they’re churning out.

The thing about those relationships though, is that they are not common. Thats the first citation that is pointed to to support that incest is seen as fine, but it clearly is not common amongst most highborns.

Marriage is not often done out of love for highborns. It is normally, tinted in diplomacy, a political deal done to secure alliances with other great houses. By marrying inward more often then not, it's closing yourself off to forging those alliances and it puts your house at a disadvantage when you need it. Ned Stark's marriage to Catelyn is literally why when Robb was named King in the North, the River Lords swore for him. Because of that Stark-Tully alliance through a strong marriage.

The Starks did incestuous relationships in the past about as often as every other house, which is to say, makes up likely less then 5% of the majority of marriages. And still, those marriages what we know of, were always between distant cousins or relatives that had very little common family shared besides ancestors. They were not brothers and sisters who grew up in the same house, they were not aunts and uncles with their nephews and neices who theyve known since they were babies.

It's always been a weak point, because while yes some Starks married those with a blood relation in the past, it was not common and one look at the recent Stark family tree will tell you that there is only one instance of this distant relative blood marriage that you could even find before it's ancestors too unknown to have any information about. Not even marrying cousins is actually normal.

It's happened before, but it's not common. Most highborns in Westeros marry outside of their bloodline, and none of them have been raised to think the way the Targaryeans do about incest. And those who did come to that conclusion are always condemned and punished by the narrative for engaging in it.

Jon grew up as their older brother, he's seen them grow up since they day both of them were born. Those two facts alone should be enough to convince most people that Jon would never engage in a relationship with his little sisters, let alone a close blood relative in general.

Incest is just not normal the way certain people try to pretend it is, because when you hold their arguments up to close scrutiny, it crumbles when presented with evidence written in plain text.

They can have their ship, but it just isn't canon no matter what they try and claim otherwise.

[cellsshapedlikestars]

"Not some willowy creature who sits up in a tower, brushing her hair and waiting for some knight to rescue her." If you're currently taking prompts, I was wondering if you would take one that tackles the above quote from book-Jon's thoughts. While he thinks highly of atypical and unique females like Ayra or Val, his misogynistic views of women who adhered to the rules of his society (by choice or otherwise) need to go! Time period of your choice/doesn't have to be bookverse.

I'll be honest, anon - is Jon actually any more misogynistic than the rest of Westeros? Baseline everyone is, because the society they live in is.

This prompt came in back when I requested them (like half a year ago, oops) and I've come back to it every once in a while, but could never really think of a way to turn this into a story that wasn't just Jon sitting there and thinking the things I'm about to write. So instead, I'm just writing my thoughts lmao.

I'm gonna put it all under the cut, because I don't normally do this sort of thing (aka, give my thoughts on canon in a not-story way. I don't like discourse, so I'm placing this under the cut & not tagging it to hopefully avoid that.)

Now, I'm no book scholar, I haven't studied them and parsed through them, I don't read a lot of metas (sorry!) and I actually read the books years ago, so maybe I'm completely wrong here, but I always took that willowy creature line as Jon being a shitty teen boy and trying to pretend he doesn't want the thing he wants. Jon's other thought at this moment is "a warrior princess, he decided" - which is just him... coming up with Val’s whole personality despite not really knowing her. He’s thinking in generics & story tropes in this moment. Willowy creature. Warrior princess.

I also think Jon's admiration for "unique females" is less active misogyny and more him... sort of taking Arya's side? Because doesn't Arya 'hate' feminine girls, too? Arya doesn't fit into that role and because of that, she ends up resenting it (which, to me, is absolutely something a young girl would do. I did it. I went through my not like other girls faze). So of course Jon, who adores Arya and wants to protect her and feels a kinship with her as the two "outcast" Starks, would also take that on. Plus, if you think about it, the only real ladies he would have ever interacted with would be Catelyn (who didn't love him the way he wanted her to) and Sansa (who at some point, kept her distance). Every other reference point he'd have is either from a distance, or from stories. You also have his role model, good ol' Ned Stark, who is amused by Arya's "boyish" behaviors, then gives his "girly" daughter a doll because that's what girls like, right? No matter she's too old for it. And Robb "My Sisters Aren't Worth Trading For" Stark.

But Jon doesn't actually hate willowy creatures, if we're equating that with feminine women. He thinks of Sansa fondly enough, he wants to give Ygritte flowers from the glass gardens, he loves that Ygritte loves songs. When he thinks about his mother, he wants her to be a lady. He wants to be Lord of Winterfell. He wants a lady wife and children. I think that the willowy creatures line is based less in actual hatred for feminine women, and more a way for him to pretend it's not what he wants, because he thinks he can never have it.

I think we can also look at willowy creatures another way, in that Jon doesn't respect people who don't use their own agency, or are too cowardly to stand up for themselves/others. But that doesn't necessarily apply to feminine women? Look at Cat, who fought off an assassin and helped her son wage a war and 'saws through' a guy's throat when Robb was killed (thanks asoiaf wiki for that description). It doesn't even really apply to Sansa, who is one of the more passive characters, action-wise. But she stands up to and manipulates Joffrey into not killing Dontos, doesn't bend for Tyrion to cloak her, and runs away with Dontos despite not having a guarantee of her safety.

And the fact that he repeatedly denies Stannis because "Winterfell belongs to my sister Sansa" tells me he doesn't actually think less of women who follow traditional roles. If he did, he could easily think Sansa wouldn't be able to handle it, or doesn't deserve it because she's a woman.

Now, like I said, I'm no book scholar, so maybe there's some other point where Jon's like "women are stupid and useless" but I'm not remembering them.

.

TL;DR: Jon is a teenage boy who grew up in a misogynistic society, who has one negative thought about a generic willowly creature, but when he actually knows women, seems to respect them well enough

.

Sorry anon, I know this was supposed to be a writing prompt, I just couldn't make it into an actual story. But I still had thoughts about it. clearly lol

now, if anyone disagrees with me on any of this, that's fine! This is just my opinion and conclusions I've come to, all while having a very pro-Jon and pro-Jonsa bias (and as someone who spent most of their child/teen years resenting the color pink and pop music and girly girls, only to grow up and realize I like all of those things, along with my grunge music and horror movies and questionable taste in fashion)

[helpistolethesecharacters]

Hot Chocolate and Chill

Peter Parker x Male Reader

Word Count: 1644

This is pure fluff you guys! Thank you so much to the person who requested this, I need more fluff in my life and this is working toward that!

---------------

Y/n was certain he had never been more excited before. He couldn't stop himself from literally bouncing up and down as he made his way out of his last class of the day and toward his locker.

His friends just rolled their eyes and got out of the way. Y/n thought about feeling bad or trying to calm down, but then he would remember all over again that it was tonight.

He had been counting down all week to the time that he would be able to spend uninterrupted time with his boyfriend.

Peter had invited him for a sleepover after classes Friday, which, when he had suggested it on Monday had seemed like an eternity away.

But it was Friday and he had just been released from his last class. Nothing was going to stop him from being alone with Peter, and Y/n couldn't be happier.

He slammed the things he wouldn't need that weekend into his locker, slung his bag over one shoulder and took off in search of Peter, totally blanking on the need to close and lock his locker.

In the back of his mind he registered the long suffering sighs of his friends, but he was on a mission. There was no time to calm down, he had a boyfriend to track down.

It didn't take long, as he was still standing by his own locker talking to Ned. Y/n didn't stop to think, he just bounced over and launched himself at Peter.

Peter stumbled back a step as Y/n collided with him, but managed to keep them both standing. Y/n silently thanked the spider that had bitten Peter for the results as he none too subtly appreciated the muscles holding him up.

"Hi Y/n," came the resigned sigh from Peter's friend Ned.

"Yes, Tis I, The Amazing Y/n, come to light up your lives."

Okay, so he was feeling a little extra right now, sue him.

"You may now revel."

Peter and Ned lost it, which was the end of holding Y/n up. He pouted from his new spot beside Peter and waited for the two to stop laughing at him.

His pout gave way to the dopey grin that usually crept up on his face whenever he was looking at Peter for longer than a second. There was just something about his adorable dork of a boyfriend that made Y/n feel like he was floating.

Y/n subtly snuck his hand into Peter's while he waited for the other two to say their goodbyes. Luckily Peter was used to Y/n's actions and didn't startle even when he decided to hang over his shoulder.

"That's so gay!"

'Ugh, this guy,' thought Y/n as he turned to face Flash.

"You know, that isn't even an insult. We are in fact gay. Or I am at any rate, Pete's pan, right?"

Peter just nodded from beside Y/n.

Flash looked nonplussed.

"What? So you admit it, you really are gay? Ew!"

"You sure are stupid for someone who's supposed to be smart. That's like me saying, 'Oh, my God! You're such a person!'"

Y/n even affected an over the top pose to add to his effect.

"Ew, you're a person! That's so gross!"

Flash just looked confused at this point, which to be fair, that was a common response to people who weren't used to being near Y/n's particular brand of crazy, but still.

Y/n was going to go ahead and call that one a win. He and Peter turned away and ignored the bully.

Peter just looked at Y/n in shock as he heard Flash sputtering and stomping off behind them.

"That was amazing! I have to remember that for next time!"

Y/n grinned at his boyfriend, eternally grateful to which ever deity it was that had paired him up with someone who wasn't put off by his over the top personality like others had been.

--------------

May was watching from her place by the table in their kitchenette, bemused as Peter straightened one of the pillows on the couch for the tenth time in the last two minutes. He had been quietly freaking out for the better part of an hour now, and that was only the time he had been out in the main living areas. She was sure he had been freaking out in his room for much longer.

"I'm pretty sure he won't hold it against you if the pillow isn't in the exact right spot when he gets here."

May immediately regretted speaking when Peter's head shot up and he stared at her with the widest eyes possible. Oh, this was more than just normal anxiety. This was much more important than normal to him.

May unfolded herself and made her way over to her nephew.

"It's going to go just fine, you two are so happy together, I can't imagine anything causing a single night together to go wrong."

She held Peter close to her for as long as he would allow. He was growing up more and more every day, and didn't let her comfort him near as much as he used to, so she was going to savor this for as long as possible.

May felt Peter melt into the hug and was glad that at least she could still provide a little support, even if she couldn't fight every dragon for him anymore.

The door bell rang, startling them out of their hug, and Peter managed to trip over twice in his rush to get to the door as fast as possible.

May just shook her head at the thought of ever being so young and clearly in love.

She took her place by the table again after greeting Y/n. She had a cup of tea and a book calling her name.

------------

Y/n looked around the living area of Peter's apartment, why he didn't know. It wasn't like it was his first time there after all, he had visited lots of times before. This time felt different for some reason though.

"Did you want something to drink?"

'Poor Peter,' Y/n thought, 'He looks just as nervous as I felt earlier.'

"I brought snacks and the makings for hot chocolate for our movie marathon. I can set up here while you sort out the drinks? Or are we watching in your room?"

Y/n handed over the bag that had the drink things in it and was pointed to the couch.

"Thank goodness you didn't have to patrol tonight. Are you sure it's okay to take the whole night off?"

"Yeah, I got someone to cover for me."

Y/n nodded and set about organising the snacks.

It didn't take them long to get settled with the assortment of snacks on the coffee table in front of them, their drinks close by and a movie playing on the TV.

It was a little awkward with neither of them wanting to step over any boundaries, especially with Peter's aunt sitting up at the table, but some time during the first movie they managed to relax enough to lean against each other.

By the time that the second movie was half finished Y/n was laying with his head on Peter's lap, no longer paying any attention to the movie because Peter was giving him the most amazing head massage and running his hands through Y/n's hair.

------------

May made her way into the lounge area on her way out for her shift, but stopped at the sight that met her.

Peter and Y/n were curled up together on the couch fast asleep. She melted and tried not to coo too hard as she fished out her phone.

This called for proof, whether to blackmail or embarrass was still up for grabs.

As she closed the door and locked it from the outside, May was once again thankful that Peter wasn't the type to take advantage of being alone with someone he liked, so she didn't have to worry about them getting up to things they might not be ready for.

-----------

Bonus Scene

-----------

Mrs Rodrigez had been walking back from her daily walk down to the corner shop. She would never let on, but half the reason she made the time to come down each day was to see the sweet young man who always insisted on helping her cross the street.

She was surprised, and a little suspicious of the person who approached her that particular evening at the cross walk. Whoever they were, they were not her 'friendly neighbourhood spiderman' as he always insisted he was.

This man was wearing what appeared to be hardened red leather in an all over suit. He was also a lot older than her normal escort judging by his height and broad shoulders.

He had a very bad homemade cosplay mask of spiderman over what looked like another mask.

The man (she assumed) got close enough for her to read the words scrawled hastily across his chest in a messy hand.

'Spiderman! No really!'

Mrs Rodrigez fixed the man with a steely stare. She was 78, and like all older ladies, carried a large handbag that was filled with mostly useless junk that was just begging to be swung at him if he pulled anything she didn't like.

He had already gotten higher on her 'list' by pretending to be the younger vigilante. He was on thin ice as far as she was concerned.

"Hi! I can't help but notice that you are a helpless little old lady possibly in need of assistance across the street!"

The man offered her an arm, but was met with that steely stare being upped to an outright glare as she pulled him in close enough by that very same arm, to be nose to nose.

"If you've done anything to that sweet young man they will never find your body!"

[starshipsofstarlord]

First things First | Jack Kline & Peter Parker

Summary; Peter sees his ex back in town. Last time she was with her brothers, but this time, she has another companion. His name is Jack Kline, and he is her current boyfriend.

Warnings; some angst, jealousy, a bit of trash talk, smidge of violence, one swear word

“You’re back then.” Peter noticed, following you as you walked through the school halls, your head down as you attempted to ignore him. But however, you knew that you couldn’t pretend he wasn’t there forever, and so you softly sighed.

Last time, you hadn’t been in town too long, only a few weeks, cases were sprouting up left right and centre in Queens, and that was enough time for a relationship to briefly brew between the pair of you.

However, when the entourage of hunts came to an end, it had only been fair to cut sweet Peter loose, you hadn’t planned to return in any soon time. And here you were, a year in a half later, back in his hometown.

“You’re eyes are quite inquisitive, Parker, or do you need to ask me to put rock salt on my skin to prove that I’m not a ghost?” You barked back, which earnt yourself a confused frown.

“What?” He asked in reply, confused by your wording.

“Never mind, you wouldn’t get it.” You dismissed, having already had the intel and advice from your brothers that two different worlds didn’t mix.

Peter was but a boy, a smart one, but for all that you were aware, he lived a mundane life. He was bullied at school, but he had a couple of friends, Ned and MJ.

MJ. She had liked Peter before you had disappeared in the impala, it wouldn’t be a surprise if the pair were together now. He had wanted to forget you, for causing him so much pain, he deserved to move on, as you had.

“What I got was that you told me you loved me, and then you went with the wind, and didn’t look back, not once.” He bit back, his statement making your body feel heavy.

It was guilt, a familiar feeling for a hunter. It often came when a life was lost by the life of a monster, and this time, it had been the same. You had taken away the happiness from your own life, you were the beast that ripped out someone’s heart.

“I did, but that doesn’t matter anymore Pete, I’m in love with somebody else. There’s nothing that I am entailed from hiding from him, no secrets, I can be myself with him.” You pursed your lips, relieved that you had got that off your chest.

“You never had to have secrets! Your family business is what dragged us down in the first place, you feel the need to follow your brothers around the world, and for what? To end up alone and unloved?”

“I love her.” Jack entered the hallway, he had been at the front office, asking about the plumbing, he said he heard a noise. It was what the victim had said before he died, and so the spawn of Lucifer was now questioning it.

Sam and Dean were downtown, at some bar, it had been where the victim had been, with a fake id, before his body had been found in the school bathroom. This left the group of you spread out, and operating around the city, wanting to find the creature that had ended the boy’s life.

Jack’s voice had been friendly, as though he were informing Peter of your relationship status. Neither of them knew each other, so he found no harm in letting the public know of your intimate bond.

The nephilim was most often than not a free speaker, he found no foul in letting his mouth run. He was so innocent, so pure, and perfect, you were pleased that you hadn’t tainted him nor gained his spite like you had with Peter.

“Jack, this is Peter. I met him last time I was around here. Peter, this is Jack, my boyfriend.” It was an awkward introduction, you held your hands together, watching as Jack held out his hand for your ex to shake.

Peter hesitantly shook Jack’s hand, lightly glaring at the boy. “It’s nice to meet a friend of y/n’s, not many that she has are her age.”

“Thanks for that Jack.” You laughed lightly, holding sweetly onto his arm, as to ensure him that he had done nothing wrong.

“We’re not friends.” Peter corrected him, squinting at you. “She doesn’t like the idea of any relationship with me, so she can pass on friendship.” He gave you one last look, before he walked away.

“Hi.” Jack saw your ‘friend’ in the hall, whilst you were questioning some other students. Peter reluctantly turned, going face to face with your boyfriend and partner in justifying crime.

“Hey.” His head briefly leant back, curious as to why the new boy was speaking to him. “Jack, right?”

“Yes, that is my name.” Jack nodded with a smile, the adorable gap in his teeth presenting itself clearly. “Have you felt any cold spots here recently, or smelt sulphur by any change?”

His question made Peter frown, he gulped and thought before he decided to answer. “I don’t know why your going around asking questions, but I also do not know why you’re dating y/n. She’ll break your heart, it’s what she does.”

“The two of you don’t sound like very good friends.” He speculated, tilting his head like a puppy dog, his bright eyes filled with curiosity.

“We weren’t just friends Jack, I’m surprised she didn’t tell you about me. Maybe there was a reason for that, you should ask her.” Peter crossed his arms, taking note of how he seemed to have angered the other boy.

The son of Lucifer was inhaling and exhaling through his nostrils, he was attempting to remain calm. But he couldn’t, his eyes seared with their golden pigment, and upon witnessing, Peter’s eyes widened and he was fast to sling webbing towards the mutant.

But it had no affect, not as Jack’s mouth opened, and a scream on another wavelength , which happened to throw the spider man backwards into the row of lockers. This was not normal, and Peter worried for the reason that you had the company of such a creature.

“What the hell are you?” Peter asked, wanting an answer so he could figure out a way to defeat him.

“I’m someone that loves y/n very much. Don’t worry, we won’t be in town much longer.” And with that, the strange and peculiar being walked away, leaving Peter stunned. For once, he wasn’t sure how he would improvise.

“You know the boy’s toilets are for guys, right?” Peter asked later in the day, as he watched you, whom was drenched in water, leave said restroom.

“I am more than aware, thankyou for that reminder Peter.” Each footstep dripped water upon the floor. That ghost had been a bitch to send off, but to your relief, you had done so.

“What are you doing here, really?”

“Don’t worry about it, I’m going to be leaving tonight, I’ll be all out of your hair.” You spoke, trying to remain calm with your previous partner. “Have you seen Jack?”

“About that...” he noticed how you furrowed your brow with his words, and realised it would be better to get straight to the point. “He’s not normal, there’s something different about him. He’s dangerous.”

“I guess you witnessed something... supernatural?” He slowly nodded his head, thinking about how it could be considered as such. “Jack, he’s a nephilim, half angel, half human. That’s why I can’t stick around, my life is messy, and I have a duty to save people, you understand that, right?”

“Why would I understand that?” He hesitated, his voice stepping over his words in a worried stutter. “Angels?!” He repeated.

“Yeah, not every takes lightly to the news, and a bit of information; the majority are dicks.” You laughed, shoving your hands in your soggy pockets. “You really think I didn’t have a clue that I was dating a spiderman? I investigate abnormal occurrences for a living, it was quite easy to notice something was different about you.”

“So you look into things like cold spots and sulphur smells?” He remembered that was what Jack had mentioned earlier. Perhaps the possibility of angels wasn’t half crazy, the universe was expanding. It was certainly out there, but so was a talking, moving tree that enjoyed digital games and was experiencing puberty.

“Exactly.” You smiled, looking into his deep brown eyes, and finding some kind of peace between the pair of you.

“I think I saw Jack in the library.” He scratched the back of his neck, deciding to be a bigger person and give into the planet’s order.

“Thanks, see ya around Parker.” That expression you gave him shouldn’t have made him feel so giddy, he knew that this was another goodbye you were sending him. But the relief on your faces was beautiful.

You walked momentarily backwards, and he raised his hand in a signalled send off. He hoped that one day, he would see you again, maybe even with Blade as he killed vampires. Who knew?

One thing he was aware of was that you were happy with Jack, and that the two of you shared a life. You had an even amount of knowledge between you, and as much as Peter hated to admit it, you weren’t bound to leave the nephilim any time soon.

[spideytingle616]

Five Months [5]

Part 4 / Masterlist

*based on the five stages of grief*

Pairing: Peter Parker x Female Reader

Warnings: angst, death, mentions of anxiety/panic, possible implications of sexual activity, blood/injury, swearing

Summary: The first time you touch your soulmate, you’re able to see a glimpse into your future. What happens if your future is also your end?

Word Count: 12.7k wow wow (bold and italics are thoughts, scenes following a +++ are a flashback)

A/N: Thank you all who have read this story! I have had this planed for almost a year, and I’m so happy it actually became a thing, though I apologize for taking so damn long with this part. I hope you enjoy. This chapter features a lot of flashbacks, so buckle up.

Chapter Description: Maybe the universe isn’t so bad…

Month Five, Acceptance: Love, and Never Forget

A new day. A new month. A new semester.

The subway ride feels extra bumpy today, most likely due to the large pit in your stomach. Going to school is never something you looked forward to, but when you got there, someone was usually waiting for you.

Someone that made the grueling day a little easier.

You sigh and slump into your seat. How does a train full of people make you feel so alone?

A completely different person could be seen in your window reflection. Or maybe you were just so numb at this point, your body was nothing but luggage you were simply dragging along.

Fuck, you were exhausted. Beyond the undereye bags and the dry hair, your frame looked like it was ready to buckle down and rest. It was already curling in, prepared to do so when given the chance. Your eyes shut tight as you clenched your fists, trying your best to quiet the anxiety that flowed through your body.

When you open your eyes, you look at your reflection one more time, ignoring the cold stare that met your own. The world keeps going, and so should you.

Everything was more or less the same at Midtown. People were alert after their long break, but they still dreaded the upcoming classes. Friends were reuniting with one another and chatting, and everything seemed normal.

But it wasn’t, at least not for you.

You close your locker, and as you turned away from the wall you were met with familiar faces coming your way. The two friends kept looking at one another as they walked toward you, and it was clear that they felt unsure about approaching.

It wasn’t like you were purposely avoiding them, so to speak. But their worried texts were plentiful, and with everything that has happened, you pushed away from their coddling. Your responses were short, usually, something along the lines of “I’m fine” and “doing good”. Whether or not they trusted that you weren’t sure, but it kept them off your tail long enough for the time being.

Fake it till you make it, right?

“Alright, let’s get this over with,” you joke, opening your arms wide. “Come here.”

MJ and Ned smile at the gesture, quickly accepting the hug. It was definitely something all of you needed. You buried your face into their shoulders, happy to be with them again. Guilt pooled in your chest.

“I missed you guys… and I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting” you sigh.

MJ tightens her grip on you, snuggling her face closer to yours. “It’s okay. We get it. We were just worried is all.”

“Still, it was selfish of me to do.” You pull away, looking between the two. “This whole thing is not just about me. I should have been there for you guys too instead of pushing myself away.”

“Well, we’re here now. Whenever you’re ready, to talk or hang out, we’ll be there.” Ned offers, and a smile reaches your face.

God, your friends were amazing. You couldn’t bear to hurt them even more with your doom and gloom. They deserved someone that would be there for them and listen to their concerns, instead of hiding in their own pool of guilt.

You quickly shake your head before speaking. “Thanks, I think I’m gonna be okay, though. If you guys need more time that’s totally fine, but I’m good. Nothing has to be weird between all of us, we can just hang out like old times, you know?”

Your friends glance at one another, their eyebrows pulled slightly tighter.

“Well, if that’s how you feel, then I’m glad,” Ned says, looking back at MJ for reassurance. “But you know, it’s totally cool if you still need time. After all, it’s been a rough month.”

You bite your tongue back from replying, your jaw suddenly tense.

Yeah, no shit…

+++

He’s gone.

Oh my god he’s gone.

He’s actually dead.

If someone came and ripped your heart out of your chest, it would be painless compared to how you felt now. You continued to stare at Peter even after his eyes closed. If you continued to look at him, maybe you could still pretend that he was alive.

When the police showed, everything was a daze. The flashes of red and blue sirens drew a queasiness deep in your stomach. As the officers forced you to let go of the boy, their voices muddled into the air. You felt completely disassociated from the scene in front of you, and all you wanted to be held in Peter’s arms. There, you could pretend that everything was okay.

“They’re still breathing!”

The shout draws you back into current time, their words shooting a current throughout your body. It couldn’t be…

“Airways are clear, but his respiratory rate is dropping. Get him on the stretcher now. Don’t let him go into shock.”

Were you hearing all this right? Too many things were happening right now, and no one bothered to tell you anything. The police were pushing you away from the scene as if you were a random pedestrian, and you were ready to grab them by the throat and scream at them. When you see Peter getting lifted into the ambulance, his suit now more red than blue, that was the last straw.

You push your way through toward the paramedics. If they were taking him, you were going too. You were right behind the red and white doors before a hard shove comes to your chest, stopping you from coming any closer.

“Excuse me miss, this is private business,” what looked like an EMT said. “Stark Industries does not want anyone seeing this. I’m going to have to ask you to go back with the crowd.”

You stare dumbfounded; at least Ned was able to get a hold of him, but the fact that they were acting as if you weren’t a witness and Peter’s friend angered you even more. “No, you don’t get it, that’s my friend in there. I- I need to be with him if he’s still alive. Please I-“

“Look, as much as I’d like to believe that we were not told anything about other parties being involved. So, to keep this under wraps, we cannot let you ride with us. If you actually do know the patient, you can follow us and figure out your clearance there,” they finalize before walking away and jumping into the vehicle. You don’t even get a chance to breathe before they’re gone, and the only remnant of Peter was the stain on the street.

The EMT did have a point. If you wanted to keep Spider-Man’s identity a secret, you couldn’t draw attention to yourself. Slipping under the newly posted yellow tape, you’re swallowed into the shadows before the police even notice.

Now here you were, in a dirty subway car at ten in the evening. Being a teenage girl, this situation would normally terrify you (Seriously guys, no means no. Why are you even near us to begin with?), but luckily the murder scene on your dress and the hollow glare in your eyes drove most passengers away from you.

Staring into space, your brain tries to process everything that just happened in the past hour. You sprinted across the city to find your dying soulmate, only to find out he isn’t dead? Or at least, not yet. Based on his current state, it could still go either way.

Shouldn’t you be feeling hopeful? Or at least some sort of relief knowing that Peter has a chance? Your body internally cringes at the idea. Getting your hopes up wasn’t great; part of you always hoped for a happy ending with Peter and look where that got you.

All you could feel was dread, and it wasn’t much better than the heartbreak prior.

The car slows down as the rest of the passengers stand and walk toward the doors, but not without giving you a worrisome stare. You ignore their eyes as they pass by; you couldn’t care less about what they thought.

You look down at your hands and focus on blood caked under your nails, trying to rub the residue away. Some looked like it came off, but the red-brown still pigmented your skin. Chest tightening, you lean back in your seat and let your head knock back.

Peter’s blood was on your hands, both figuratively and literally.

---

A chill travels through your spine, bile working its way upward.

Was that really only a month ago?

The bell sounds, its ringing bringing you more despair than usual. Your conversation was brought to an end, MJ and Ned giving you a nod to signal their departure. They forced a smile your way, and you keep your calm composure even after they turn away.

Pulling the straps of your backpack closer, you take a deep breath before walking to class.

---

“First order of business: team captain. Miss Allan’s parting was unfortunate, but both she and I believe this team will do amazing at the international competition this summer. We just need a new captain.”

“Mr. Harrington, I’m honored-“

“Not you, Flash.”

You and Ned snicker under your breaths, earning your partner an elbow from Betty. MJ rolls her eyes at the two of you, but her smile gave away her amusement.

Decathlon was supposed to be done for the school year, but your team’s win at D.C. earned Midtown a spot at its international competition in Paris. You didn’t expect the school board to approve the trip, especially with the large expenses it ensued. But apparently, they found an anonymous donor.  

Though no one could figure out who would willingly spend tens of thousands of dollars for a kids’ trip to Europe, no one was complaining either, especially when they were paying to include an actual vacation with it. As ecstatic as everyone was about the opportunity, it also meant that you would soon be back to frequent practices. And as much as you enjoy this club, more work is never fun.

“After careful consideration of each of your prior performances, I’m happy to announce that our new captain will be none other than Michelle Jones.”

Harrington continued his announcements, but you already stopped paying attention. You nudge MJ after the scattered applause, mouth still agape.

“You didn’t tell me you were gonna be captain. Congrats!” you whispered.

“Well, to be honest, I didn’t know until just now. But I would have been pissed if I wasn’t.”

“And I would’ve had to listen to you complain about it, so it’s a win-win… can your first order be to rearrange the seating? I love Cindy, but sometimes she smells after gym.”

MJ scoffs. “Done, but it’s your fault if this all goes to my head.”

“Oh, I think it already has,”

“Yeah yeah, whatever. Just be quiet so I can listen.”

You roll your eyes as you let her turn away from you, grabbing your phone in the process.

You: Guess who the new captain is…

Liz: It better be MJ, I put in a good word for her and everything

You: It is lol. Good choice by the way, she’ll probably be a better captain than you

Liz: whatever 🙄

In the past month since she moved, the two of you found comfort in one another. Both of you fell in the direct line of fire, and as brutal as that was, it also meant that you weren’t alone.

+++

Lately, it seemed that your timing was nothing if not impeccable.

You speed walk to the cafeteria, breath getting heavier with each step. You’re usually one of the first in there, trying your best to beat the rush of students, but you just had to go to the bathroom beforehand. Amateur move, honestly…

Once you turn the corner, you stop in your tracks. Just ahead was Liz and her mom, both with boxes in hand. Her mom takes a right, most likely heading toward the office. All that was left was you and her, and the ten feet of tile in between.

“Hey,” you call out, gaining her attention. A tint of regret coats the air around you as you walk closer.

Where do you start, after everything that has happened?

“Liz, hey. What’s up?”

“Oh, hey. Nothing much, I’m just packing things from my locker and whatnot. My mom’s grabbing my file from the office, and after that we should be good, or whatever.” She sighs, looking down at her things.

“Wait, packing? Are you… are you going somewhere?”

“Yeah, my dad doesn’t want us to see him in trial. We’re moving all the way to Oregon tomorrow. My mom has family there… nice area apparently, or whatever,” She purses her lips. “New York allows prisoners to call as often as they want, so no worries there, plus I’m all set for college so I can more or less breeze through senior year.”

You nod. Though you suppose the situation could have been worse, it was evident that Liz was hiding all the struggles she just got handed. Maybe if you were closer, you’d be able to comfort her, or tell her what she needed to hear.

“Liz, you’ve probably gotten this a lot, but I’m really sorry about what went down. I can’t even imagine what that’s like.”

There’s a pause before she finds your face again. “I think you do though. Maybe not exactly the same as me, but you were part of this too.”

You tilt your head, confused at her words. Setting her things down, she slings her backpack around to her front, unzipping it to find what she was looking for. “Peter left this in my dad’s car, but something tells me it was meant for someone else. It’s a little wilted now, but I still think it looks nice.”

In her hand was the rose that Peter had the night of the homecoming dance. You were so annoyed when you saw it. However, this time was different. You were not sure what you felt, but you were grateful nonetheless.

You take the flower from her, admiring the purple-red petals. Underneath, a card was tied around:

A rose for a rose.

You might not be my date, but can I SWING BY for a dance?

You let out a quiet scoff. If the pun didn’t give it away, the web doodles might have.

“You think I would’ve figured it out sooner,” Liz shrugged.

“If it’s any consolation, I didn’t realize until it was right in front of my face," you joked back, earning a smile.

“I won’t tell anyone, by the way. He was just trying to do the right thing, and it’s not my secret to tell anyways.”

You nod at the gesture, relieved that things were not getting any messier. Not as much as they could, at least.

“I’m sorry too by the way…” she starts. “if I got in the way of you and Peter.”

You shake your head. “No no, it’s fine. Really. That was Peter’s choice to do that. I even told you we weren’t soulmates, so…“

“Yeah, well, I could tell that wasn’t the whole truth. Or at least, I couldn’t believe that it was the truth.” When you don’t reply, she continues on. “Obviously, I don’t know the whole story, or maybe even half of it, but almost everyone thought you two were soulmates before you even said anything. That’s gotta mean something, right?”

You pause for a moment. For someone who was only two years older, she was a lot wiser than you imagined. “Yeah, maybe it does… I don’t know, it’s just so complicated, you know?”

“I can only imagine.” She offers a smile. “But assuming he’s okay, wherever he is, I think it’d be a lot less complicated if you were in it together.”

With that, the conversation seemed to be over. You both knew that you weren’t really friends, but there was still a connection there. What happened homecoming night created a bond between you, a burning ember in a pile of ash. Everything died down, but there are still remnants that continued to burn.

If you guys chose to, you could let that memory die with the rest of the fire. But you could also choose to keep it alive and learn something from it.

Liz clears her throat, breaking the silence. “Looks like my mom’s ready, so I should go catch up. Thanks for saying goodbye.”

“Well, thanks for the mini therapy session. Hopefully, Oregon treats you better. If you wanna, you can text me once you’re all settled. We can talk, or whatever you want, really. Doesn’t even have to be about this.”

Her eyes light up at the offer, surprised at the generosity. “Yeah. I’d really like that. Thanks.”

You watch as she grabs her stuff from the floor and walk down the hall. The two of you send each other one last wave before parting ways, but you don’t move from your spot. Not until she was fully out of sight.

When she’s completely gone, you think about her words again. Maybe it would be easier.

Or maybe it’s just a faster route to trouble.

---

“You, me, Catacombs of Paris. It’s been on my list for years, and we are not missing out on that.” MJ declares, interrupting your daze. You didn’t even realize the meeting was over, most of the group already filing out of the library. “Jeez, how deep was your conversation with your pen pal? You look like you just woke up.”

You huff as you stood up from your seat. “How do you even know it’s her? Could’ve been my mom checking up on me.”

“Well, whenever you and Liz text, which is pretty regularly now, you get that weird crease between your eyebrows, and something tells me you’re not thinking that hard when you’re answering, ‘how are you’ from your parents.”

“You know, I think someone’s a little jealous that I have other girl friends to talk to.” You joke, checking her shoulder. “Any other creepy spots you’re forcing me to go to?”

Your friend’s face lights up, relishing at the opportunity to talk about her interests. You knew she had hours' worth of knowledge on the subject, and it gave you the chance to avoid talking about yourself. It wasn’t easy to distract MJ, but you had your ways.

It was easy to distract yourself from your current situation with Liz. After all, she was more or less doing the same thing. Your relationship was symbiotic; One of you would talk about your problems so the other could take their focus away from theirs, and vice versa. Mutual therapy, as you both called it.

The bonding made you feel safe. You made a friend and found someone that would need time to heal too.

At least, that’s what you thought.

For the last few conversations or so, the tone has taken a rather lighthearted turn. Liz started her new semester at Oregon a week earlier than Midtown, and she was already coming for the title of Ms. Popular. Though, with her being a hot, new senior, you shouldn’t have been surprised.

She was using her mom’s name for more privacy and was basically starting fresh. Liz even said she could still go to NYU if things died down after the trial. You were ecstatic for her, of course. She was incredibly strong for taking her life into her own hands and making the best of what happened, yet deep down you still couldn’t help but feel frustrated. In the end, even the people that have it worse still find ways to turn it around.

Your stomach turns. Maybe it wasn’t time that was the issue.

Maybe it was you.

---

Life’s kind of funny. Less than a year ago, you thought meeting the Avengers would be impossible. The only time you ever saw them was on the news or some badly edited PSA. For you, they seemed more fictional rather than real.

Now here you were, in the same car that Tony freaking Stark uses, being driven to the one and only Avengers Facility.

Despite the news about the Sokovia Accords, and the infamous “Civil War”, as they coined it, the building continued to stand tall and proud. The squeaky-clean windows and trimmed hedges were simply another reminder of how this lifestyle was beyond you.

Peter has been staying here for the past few weeks so the doctors could track his progress in private. With his mutated DNA and dangerous alien technology, they wanted to make sure there was not any permanent damage to his systems. Though this caused him to miss the rest of the semester, he knew it was for the best.

Despite taking a nasty hit, his super healing got him back on his feet, more or less. Just a few hours of physical therapy and some tests were enough to get Peter back to full mobility. However, he was still advised by the doctors to take things slow. Just because he could move doesn’t mean he should so soon.

This was the fourth or so trip here, yet every visit still felt like the first. All of this was so overwhelming, but you try not to let it show as you walk through the glass door. When you couldn’t find Peter in his room, your panic started to become visible.

Finding one guy in a 300,000 square foot building? How hard could it be?

Answer: not impossible, but still rather embarrassing.

After a few wrong turns here and there, you eventually made it to what seemed to be your destination. You wound up in a gym twice the size of your school’s. It had every piece of equipment one could need to train for a life-or-death mission, and you were struck with awe once again.

Your attention quickly focuses on the sounds of leather on leather. Across the gym was a boxing ring, holding none other than Tony Stark and your best friend.

The two didn’t notice you yet, so you took your time heading closer. Peter was in deep focus, his grey shirt tightening around him every time he threw a punch. Sweat covered the top half of the fabric as his curls brushed his forehead, and you could feel your throat drying up at his appearance.

You would have shown up earlier all those other times if you meant you got to see this…

“Y/N! Hey!” Peter greets when he finally sees you. “Sorry, I should’ve texted you that I was still in here. Guess I lost track of time.”

You wave it off. “Don’t worry about it. Looked like you were doing some good work.”

“Yeah, I sure hope so. Did you know the only fighting knowledge he had before this was from movies?” Tony interrupted, pointing a glove at the guilty party.

“Hey c’mon, Rocky is a solid resource,” He defended. “You ever seen it?”

The billionaire paused, mentally going through the five stages of grief. “Yeah kid, I think we’re done here. He’s all yours.”

“Sounds good,” You respond, turning back to Peter. “Something tells me you might need to freshen up before we start studying, so I’ll just meet you in your room. If I can find it, that is…”

The boy nods, feeling extra gross and sticky now that you brought it up. You send the two a small wave before walking out of the gym, trying your best to retrace your steps. Peter watches you until you vanish, to which Tony raises an eyebrow.

Maybe it was just him, but the spiderling was rather obvious with his emotions.

“Normally I’d say, ‘don’t do anything I wouldn’t do’, but clearly you don’t listen to that,” He says, snapping Peter back into reality. “Just keep it in your room, alright? Last thing I need is to spray this whole place with disinfectant.”

Peter’s mouth parts, slightly uncomfortable at his mentor’s words. “What? No, it’s not like that at all. She’s just helping me with all the schoolwork I’ve missed.”

Tony immediately stops, punching pads half on. “That- that’s it? You get a second chance at life, and all you’re doing is studying?”

He shrugs. “Well, you know, I haven’t taken my finals yet-“

“Finals that you can pass if you just study the night before like a normal kid.” He walks closer to Peter. “You escape the jaws of death and the one thing you want to do is study? What happened to you teenagers and wanting to ‘live a little’?” He mumbles the last part, shaking his head. “You shouldn’t use this experience as an excuse to shy away. I’m not saying go off and be reckless, but at least have a little fun, yeah? Do what you want.”

From one man who had a near-death experience (or several) to another, maybe he had a point. But then again, if you try to sacrifice yourself multiple times, you must be more than okay with the thought of leaving this world and the people you care about.

Tony finally finishes packing up, while Peter was still in the ring, contemplating.

“She’s a good one,” he shouts to the boy, getting his attention. “Might even like her more than you.” He pauses, realizing how that sounded. “No offense, of course.”

The boy’s face sours as Tony keeps walking. “Some taken… oh and hey! I know it was you that paid for the Europe trip!”

“Nope! Wrong billionaire!” He swings the door open, turning around to look at Peter. “But uh, I think there’s a light festival the same weekend you’re in Prague. You should check it out.”

“Uh-huh…” he grins, playing along.

+++

Thanks to his powers, Peter’s hands always got extra sticky when he was nervous. So, when Mr. Stark called him to come to his office a week or so after the incident, he tried his best to keep his hands to himself.

“Hey, Mr. Stark. You wanted to see me or something?” he asked, awkwardly shuffling through the door.

Tony looks up from his phone and nods at Peter. “Kid, hey. How you feelin’?”

“Oh, well I’m actually doing pretty goo-“

“That’s great,” Tony interrupts. “Anyways, here you go.”

He slides a paper bag toward the boy, to which Peter responds by checking his surroundings. Was this a test? Because there are some major drug deal vibes happening right now.

“What the heck are you doing, kid? Just take the damn bag.”

Peter snaps back to the man and quickly snatches it off the desk. He peeks inside and is shocked when he sees the bright red and blue suit. He clutches the bag closer, afraid it would be stripped away from him a second time.

“You- you’re giving it back to me?” Peter grins.

“Well, it didn’t really teach you anything when I took it away, so I might as well just give it back. Plus, your other one looks ridiculous compared to this.”

His smile falls a little, and Tony quickly backtracks for clarification.

“What I mean is that you did good work. I didn’t believe in you after the ferry incident, but you were determined. You followed your heart and ended up catching the guy. However, you also ended up getting shish kabobbed and almost died, which isn’t as good.” Stark mumbles the last part, getting a little off track. “I told you before that if something happened to you, that it would be on me. But if you won’t listen to me then… I guess I have to mentor you, and make sure you know what you’re doing.”

Peter’s eyes widen. “As in…”

“Training every morning. We can practice using all your suit’s abilities along with combat in case you’re stuck without it. We’ll track your health and progress to make sure you’re not pushing it. Last thing we need is you showing off and hurting yourself.”

“Yeah, got it.” He replies, mouth agape. “I- thank you, Mr. Stark.”

He couldn’t believe it. This was all happening so fast. A few days ago, he thought he was supposed to be dead on the sidewalk. Now, everything seemed to be going well. Maybe too well? How was Mr. Stark so calm about it?

“Well, to be honest, you shouldn’t be thanking me. It was your girlfriend that pretty much convinced me to do this. Y/N or something?”

He cocks his head. “Wait, Y/N? What do you mean?”

“We met at the hospital when you were under surgery.” He shrugs. “Kept telling me how you were a good kid who was going to help the city at all costs, that you were soulmates and this was doomed to happen, you should get another chance, etcetera etcetera,” He dismisses with his hands. “It was pretty moving, really. She really believes in you, so I thought I should do the same.”

Peter tries to keep a neutral face, but this information made his mind go even faster than before. You never mentioned that you met Mr. Stark, much less had an actual conversation with him. With all the crap he’s pulled on you, you still said all that. And to an Avenger, no less.

He doesn’t comment about Mr. Stark’s confession, only giving him another thanks followed with a goodbye. From the looks of it, Tony was rather done with the conversation anyways. He leaves as awkwardly as he came in.

As Peter walks back to his room, he notices the air around him feels lighter. Fresher, even. He smiles at the thought.

For the first time, in a very long time, Peter was optimistic for the future.

---

Never mind, maybe he should have died that night.

Studying was a far worse punishment.

Peter groans and buries his face deeper into his pillow, a string of obscenities following shortly after. You turn and frown at the sight. Sure, you weren’t any better during finals week, but this was just sad.

“C’mon dude,” you said as you shook his shoulder. “Get up. We’re almost done with this.”

He groans louder at your comment. “Too much work. Math isn’t even real.”

You shake your head in amusement. “Yeah okay. Tell that to Gonzales, I’m sure you’ll keep your number two spot after that.” You snort, not registering Peter’s shock as he propped himself up.

“Two? Don’t you mean one?”

Shit. “I mean, not exactly. Finals week happened a little bit ago. Grades change, you know?”

“Okay…” He gives you a look. “Well, then who scored high enough to beat me?”

Your lips tighten, but your silence, in turn, answers his question.

“No…” Peter realizes. “You- no….”

“Pete-“

“You’re first now? You took my freaking spot?”

Your mouth hangs open trying to think of a proper response and your friend scoffs. “Wow,” he says, shaking his head. “After all this time, I didn’t realize my best friend would become my enemy. Now I actually have to try.”

“Ouch. A nice congrats or something would have been nice, you know,” you reply, rolling your eyes. “Whatever, at least I’m being nice and trying to help.”

“Help? Or sabotage?” Peter smirks, sitting up. Stiff from his previous meltdown position, he clasps his hands together and stretches his arms upward. He doesn’t get very far before he flinches back down, hands now gripping his side as he quietly whimpers.

You immediately assume the worst as you turn closer to Peter, but he shakes his head, a sign telling you it’s nothing serious. He takes a few more deep breaths before looking at you, now sheepish.

“Sorry bout that. I think I overdid today,” he explained, gently rubbing his abdomen.

“Peter…” you pout. “Thought the whole point of you being here was so that you wouldn’t overdo it.”

“Yeah yeah, I know. I didn’t think a late-night workout would cause too much trouble,” he says, and your eyebrows furrow, disappointment evident. Peter slumps further down, throwing his hands up. “I won’t do it again, okay? It’s my last weekend here, anyways. I’ll take it easy for the next few days. Promise.” He then offers his pinkie to you, and you accept it with a sigh.

Your eyes wander down his chest, stopping at the top of his waist. You’ve never actually seen it, the wound and the scar that it left. At least, not since the incident. Your chest tightens at the thought. It was so bloody, and dirty, and just plain gross.

It was supposed to be the end of him, the end of everything you had. And now here he was, studying for a calculus test.

How was all that a month ago?

“Does it always hurt?” you ask before you could stop yourself. Peter follows your stare before looking at you again.

“Nah, just sometimes,” he starts with a small shrug. “It’s usually a dull ache every now and then, but it hurts more right now, cause, you know…” He looks away in shame. “Speaking of, I need to put this cream stuff on before I forget, supposed to keep it clean and help with the healing. I forgot to put it on after training.” He leans forward to grab the tube off his desk, and you could tell the easy motion was rather painful.

“I could do it if you want,” you offer, eyes widening immediately afterward. The two of you have been keeping physical distance between one another, and now here you were, basically asking to caress him. “I mean- if you think it would be easier.”

He takes a moment to think before giving a small nod, not saying anything as he hands you the cream. You both seem unsure of this, but you slowly grab the tube anyways. You take your time unscrewing the cap, giving Peter a chance to change his mind. When you look back up, he’s already staring at you, waiting for your next move.

You scooch closer toward Peter, and the air starts to get thicker. Tense. One wrong move could ruin this whole thing. You cringe at the thought. It’s not that deep, you tried to rationalize.

But this was Peter. Every small action meant something more.

Fisting the bottom of his t-shirt, you bring it to his chest to reveal the scar. You let out a shaky breath, looking at the newly exposed skin. It was the same as the last time you saw it: You could still see the tinges of pink under the lights, and his chest was still firm. But now all that was blemished with a horrid red line on his right.

That fucking scar. If looks could kill, your stare could probably reopen the wound that was once there. It makes you so frustrated to know the memory still stains his body. Peter once mentioned that his powers speed up his healing process, but marks like these last a lifetime for normal people, so you imagined that if it were to go away, it wouldn’t be for years.

You shake the thoughts from your head as you squeeze the cream onto your fingers, using your thumb to warm it up. Shifting your weight forward, you lean in even closer to him and gently touch Peter’s skin. The contact causes him to tense at first, but he eventually softens under your touch as you massage in the substance.

Peter doesn’t take his eyes off you. He watches how softly your fingers graze his scar, and how his skin was burning at the contact. It reminds him of that weekend: The hungry kisses, the skin on skin after you took your shirts off. Even when you were pulling him for more, you were never rough. You let him dip his toes first, making sure he was doing what he wanted.

Mr. Stark’s words come back to him. Live a little… have some fun… do what you want…

And right now, Peter thinks he wants more.

He sits up straighter (or at least as much as he could) and brings his hand up toward you, tracing your jaw with his fingertips. His thumb rubs the center of your cheek, bringing your focus away from his scar. You don’t realize how close the two of you are until you face him again. Peter’s stare flickers between your eyes and mouth, and you swallow hard. Though his touch was warm, your mind was frozen.

Were you supposed to do something? What did Peter want? Your questions were soon answered as he started to close the distance between you, ever so slowly. And though a part of you wanted to meet him halfway, memories cloud your head.

Blood.

Rubble.

Tears.

Peter holding on for dear life.

Fear shooting through your veins.

With a sharp inhale, you put your weight on your palms and back away. Peter stays where he is, his body a few seconds behind. After a few seconds, he lowers his hand down as concern floods his eyes.

“I- I should go,” you announce. Pushing yourself off the bed, you quickly pack your stuff away, not bothering to check if you got everything.

“I thought we were going to study more-“

“Just look up some practice problems online and you should be good. The curve helps a lot too.” You zip your backpack. “You’ll be fine without me.”

Peter fumbles for an excuse. “Well, it’s getting late, though. Wouldn’t you rather spend the night like last weekend?”

“No, it’s cool. Happy said they always have a driver on call just in case. Might as well put use them,” you shrug. “Anyways, bye!”

You quickly slam the door behind you, and Peter cringes at the sound. What the hell just happened? He brings his palms to his eyes with a heavy sigh. The last thing he wanted was for things to be awkward, yet he still managed to drive you out of his room and onto a two-hour car ride instead. Did he misread the situation that bad?

Meanwhile, you were still on the other side of the door, eyes wide. Did you really just do that? You were always so upset when Peter didn’t communicate with you, but now you were no better. You turn back to face the door, hand on the doorknob, yet the turn never came. Eventually, you let go and back away, and pull out your phone before turning the corner and out of the hallway.

At that same moment, Peter decided to stand up and follow you. Even if you wanted to leave, he didn’t want all his feelings to go unsaid. He pushes through the soreness and reaches the door, yanking it open.

He sticks his head out into the hall, but he doesn’t see you. Peter’s frame shrinks. A big part of him wanted to chase you, to see if he could catch up before you had the chance to go, but if you were already so far gone, it must be for a reason. With a frown, he slowly shuts his door, hoping that maybe you’ll come back before the click.

You never do.

Sleep never comes to you that night, thoughts about a brown-haired superhero circling your head. You knew that leaving was not the best idea. And not turning back when you had the chance was also not the greatest call. But at that moment, the idea of confronting your fears and worries seemed so much worse.

Grabbing your pillow, you smother yourself as you let out a quiet scream. By the time you uncover your face, you can already see the sun.

---

Neither of you mentions that night. Not that you were purposely avoiding the topic. In fact, you wanted to apologize for your abrupt exit, and maybe talk about what was going on between you two, but there was never a good time to do so.

Peter’s reappearance was not going as smooth as you thought it would. No offense to the boy, but you didn’t think many people would notice he was gone. But with the lack of Spider-Man sightings, and all the chaos surrounding homecoming weekend, people were chatty.

The first day he came back to school, Flash kept asking what happened to the friendly neighborhood hero. Poor Peter tried his best to blubber an excuse about him having a mission out of the country, but that just confused his classmates even more.

Others were asking why he missed all those weeks of school, which caused him to create an elaborate lie about having an extended family in Europe. It took everything for MJ not to outright laugh at the scene, which you later scolded her about.

Combine that and all the work he needs to catch up on, you thought it would be best to wait a little longer.

Eventually, Friday rolls around and all of you have survived another week. You, Peter, Ned, and MJ were talking around your locker before school when Ned claps his hands together, a lightbulb turning on in his head.

“Oh, dude! Now that we’re all here, we should all play some D&D!” He grins, getting giddier by the second. “We finally have a good amount of people, plus it’ll be a good way to have Betty get to know you all better as a group. I got this new book for Christmas and I’ve been planning a campaign for weeks. Spoiler alert: it’s awesome!” He quickly spits out, looking toward the group for a response.

Turns out Betty and Ned were soulmates, though no one knew until recently. Except for MJ, of course. When she gossiped about it homecoming night, Ned spilled all the beans.

They found out a few weeks after D.C., but though the two of them were pleased with the pairing, Betty didn’t feel ready to go into a relationship. Ned was accepting of this, being the sweetie he is, and the two of them are slowly building a friendship, though they are quite affectionate with one another. It was adorable, and slightly jealousy-inducing all at once.

MJ crinkles her nose. “I suppose I could try it. No promises that I’ll enjoy it, though.”

Ned, Peter, and you all stare at one another before bursting into laughter. Your amusement confuses MJ, but she doesn’t interrupt the moment.

“Oh Michelle,” you begin, grabbing her by the shoulder. “You are in for a world of fun.”

“Does that mean you’re in?” Ned points to you.

“Of course, dude! You’re the best Dungeon Master around. That, and your mom always has tons of snacks for us whenever we play.”

“I’ll take what I can get, I guess,” he scoffs. “Should we plan for tomorrow or something? I need to add a few more details and Betty should be free then too.”

“I’m good.”

“Same here.”

“Actually, I can’t. I’m busy.”

The three of you turn to Peter, who shrinks down in size and offers a shy smile.

“C’mon Pete. I get you have a lot of catching up to do but I’m sure a small game break wouldn’t kill you,” you said.

“No no, I get that.” He shakes his head. “It’s just that I was gonna start patrolling this weekend… “ he explains, and your blood runs cold. “But you guys go on and play without me, I promise to join next time.”

Ned nods, the three of them continuing to talk like normal, but you stay silent, keeping your eyes in Peter’s direction. Patrolling? How come he never told you about this?

It’s five minutes before class when MJ and Ned decide to leave, heading to their first period history together. Peter decides to go to class too, but you grab his arm before he gets the chance to turn away.

“Are you seriously going out? What happened to taking it easy?” you hissed. Though your tone was rather snippy, deep down you were terrified for Peter. Sure, he was fine now, maybe even better with all his training, but was he ready to go back out?

Were you ready for him to go back out?

“I’ve been taking it easy for a week, and people are starting to get suspicious. I don’t know if I can make it through another one of Flash’s confrontations without getting caught,” he sighs. “Look, can we just talk about this later? Class is about to start.”

You scoff. “You’re just trying to avoid the subject.”

“No, I’m not. I just don’t want to hear you lecture me when I’m already heading to one. And besides, I already know what you’re gonna say so what does it matter?”

“You literally just described ‘avoiding the subject’,” you bite back, concern turning into frustration. “Nothing good happens when we don’t talk, Pete.”

“Oh really? Are you sure about that?”

“Yeah dude, I’m pretty sure. That’s kinda how a friendship works.”

“Right. Friendship…” A pause. Peter’s face hardens as he looks at you. “Fine, let’s talk: why didn’t you kiss me?” he asks, jaw clenched.

Your hand lets go of his arm and falls slack. When you said you wanted to bring up the almost-kiss, you didn’t mean now. Why was he turning this on you?

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Well, if I can’t avoid the subject, then you can’t either.”

You shake your head. This was not the time to talk about this. He takes your silence as an answer and moves a step back.

“I’m going out. Tonight,” he announces. “I’m not waiting around.”

He doesn’t give you a chance to reply before he turns around and walks away. The action surprises you; Peter was never the one to walk away. If he was, it was because there was a danger that he needed to tend to.

This time, he willingly chose to.

You mull over what he said before he left. I’m not waiting around. He said it with such conviction. It almost sounded like he wasn’t talking about Spider-Man.

He was talking about you.

+++

You didn’t realize the Avengers had their own private hospital section, but considering their job description, you shouldn’t be surprised.

The stale, air-conditioned air of the hospital welcomed you the minute you entered. Goosebumps prickled your exposed arms as the atmosphere around you shifted.

Yeah, you really didn’t like hospitals. Especially now.

The nurses didn’t know anything of you or your involvement either, so they couldn’t let you go past the designated waiting room, leaving you all alone in a stuffy room. You’ve been staring at the fish tank for the last five minutes, waiting for someone to at least come in and talk to you.

Ugh, fuck this.

You texted MJ and Ned the news about Peter, which was a rather chaotic conversation. You promised you would let them know the whole story soon, but now didn’t feel like the time. Not when your other half may or may not be alive.

When you left the school, Ned spammed Stark Industries with emergency messages, which finally got Tony Stark’s attention. You overheard some nurses at the desk talking, and apparently, he was somewhere in the building, talking down a woman. You had no doubt that it was May.

God, if you thought you’ve been through it, you couldn’t imagine how she felt. To find out your nephew, who was basically your son, is a crime-fighting superhero is one thing. To find out he was almost killed and is currently fighting for his life all in one night is another. You were surprised her head didn’t explode right then and there.

Another ten minutes pass by before May comes out from the patient area, eyes red and completely distraught. Tony Stark was close behind her, holding the door open as May’s crouched figure passes through.

You stare at the two of them and accidentally make eye contact with the billionaire. He sends you a nod before heading back to the hospital rooms, like it was the only safe thing to do. The anger from before quickly disappeared; at least you weren’t the only one in shock.

“Oh, Y/N,” May says when she spots you. “I didn’t know you’d be here. It’s super late, I think it’s safer if you went back home. I don’t want your parents to worry. Do you need me to call and talk to them? I can take you home if you need me to.”

“May, you don’t-“

“I mean it’s probably best if I go do something. I don’t think I can sit here for very long without pulling my hair out.”

“May-“

“This is all just hitting me so hard. I mean, how did I not even realize this? I feel so stupid. God, the nerve of Tony to pull this. I should have never trusted him-“

“It’s my fault, May.” You snap, ceasing her rambles. “I did this… I fucking caused all of this. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what to do and one thing led to another and… I killed him. I killed Peter. I am so sorry, May. I never meant for any of this to happen.”

May doesn’t respond right away, still processing everything you said. Her shoulders slump down slightly as she cocks her head. Out of all the news she got tonight, this one confused her the most. But as she focused on you and your shivering body, she realized she wasn’t the only one that had a rough night.

She takes your hands. “Let’s talk, alright?”

The next fifteen minutes were spent by you blubbering about everything. The soulmate memory, his Spider-Man secret, how you tried to keep apart, and how you found him downtown. You skip over the rather intimate parts, knowing it was probably not going to help May. Your face is red and splotchy by the end of it, and a handful of tissues covered the small table next to you.

May doesn’t say a word until you’re done. Though a nice gesture, her silence was more due to her complete shock.

“I am so fucking sorry, May,” you whisper at the end. “I should have told you, or someone, at least. It’s just that, it was Peter’s life on the line. I didn’t want to do anything and hurt him. I thought it was best if he made the call, but look where that got us.” You wipe your eyes and look away. The guilt was unbearable. May was nothing but caring to you, and you repay her by killing her nephew.

“God... I knew Peter was having a rough time, I always heard him at weird hours of the night, but I thought it was just school or something. I’ve always checked on him, but he would always say he’s busy.” She shakes her head. “I don’t blame you, though. I mean, I’m not exactly happy this all went down the way it did, but I can’t be mad at you for at least trying to save him, even when it hurt to.”

You sniffle at her words, trying to suppress any more tears. “He still got hurt, though. Peter being my soulmate cost him his life…” you whisper the last word.

May offers a sympathetic smile as she smooths your hair. “You know, people say the reason for soulmates is to be with someone you love forever, but it never takes into account some people’s forever is shorter than others,” she explains. “When Ben died… I was so angry at the world. Why give me this amazing person if I only got them for a short time? Sure, the world can give me another soulmate or something, but it almost defeats the purpose… makes it seem that I had to have this one soulmate before I had to a ‘real’ soulmate. Even after all this time, part of me will always want him…

“But even if Ben isn’t with me forever, I was with him for his forever, and I found a way to be okay with that. I gave him all the love I possibly could have, and I have no doubt in my head that it was worth it.”

You smile and nod at her words, but she could tell you weren’t completely getting the point. “You and Peter are great together, friendship or more. There’s no way he regrets spending his time with you, and I don’t think you do either. The two of you always had something special. Don’t push away from that, even if it might seem easier.”

You find May’s hands and give a firm squeeze, a silent way of saying thanks. For months, you have been trying to go for easy: less drama, fewer risks… but it was still a whole lot of pain. And for what? Never getting to be with your best friend in the way you truly wanted? May made it seem like the choice was obvious, and you wondered if it actually was.

A few quiet minutes pass until Tony Stark steps into the waiting room and approaches the two of you. You and May quickly stand up, waiting for the worst. You already experienced Peter’s “death”, you didn’t need to go through it again, especially if it’s real this time.

“Is he going to be okay?” May quickly asks, hands close to her chest, protecting herself from any hidden blows.

Tony’s mouth tightens before answering. “More or less…” he starts, looking down before continuing. “The wound was deep, and if he couldn’t heal as fast as he could, this would be a different story. However, it was still caused by dangerous, alien hybrid technology and he was already in a rough state prior to the… stab.” He cringes at the word. “Scrapes and bruises, a broken rib, some significant brain injury… Dr. Cho is doing the best she can, but as of right now, he’s in a comatose state.”

You gulp at the news. “So, what does that mean? When will he wake up?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know.”

“But- but he will wake up, right?” you clarify.

A pause. Tony’s jaw ticks. His eyes quickly leave you before blinking and meeting yours again, but you notice it. The doubt behind them.

“I don’t know…”

---

It’s almost midnight, which means you’ve spent the whole night worrying.

You were out on the fire escape freezing your ass off. It would only take ten steps maximum to grab something warm, but the bite of the wind kept you alert.

You weren’t going to leave until you knew Peter was safe.

He barely talked to you since this morning. He sat near Ned at lunch instead of you and took different routes to class. You texted him a few times throughout the day, but he never replied.

So, when you sent a message checking in on him with no response back, you weren’t sure if it was him ignoring you or that he was in danger. You let out a sigh of worry as your breath dissolved into the night.

You never realized how nice your view was. The most use your window got was when Peter came in, but that hasn’t happened for months. It’s crazy that you consider that a simpler time in your relationship.

Your ears focus on the sounds of the city. The bustling noises often brought you comfort, knowing that there were thousands of people going through the motions of life. Tonight, however, it sent a feeling of loneliness to your veins. New York kept going on while you were wallowing and worrying. It didn’t need you, even though you needed them.

A sudden urge to cry makes your throat tightens. You really hope that Peter was alright.

When you check the time again, you saw that a new day began. You decide to shove your phone back in your pocket. Watching the clock every ten seconds wasn’t going to help.

You sigh, maybe you’ll feel different today. Maybe you’ll feel warmer because holy shit is it cold outside. At what temperature does hypothermia kick in? That seems like a question to Google, not experiment.

You’re about to turn back when you hear a soft thwip, and a Peter hanging outside down on the stairs. You weren’t too sure how he was feeling at the moment, his covered eyes not giving any hints, but you send a soft smile nonetheless.

“I’m not a damsel in distress if that’s what you’re thinking,” you break the ice.

Peter turns himself right side up, taking a seat on the railing next to you. He pulls his mask off and drops it in his lap, and you can see his face isn’t as icy as this morning. But his mouth was pulled tight, unsure how to go about this.

“I’d consider frostbite to be a crime,” he shrugs. Luckily, you had your window open this whole time. With a quick webshot, Peter sticks and catches the sweater hanging on your chair before offering it to you. “Especially if Spider-Man can stop it.”

You bite your cheek. Part of you didn’t want to give in, but there was no way you could last another minute out here. Slowly, you grabbed your sweater, your fingers grazing the fabric of his suit. A way of saying thank you.

“Slow day?” you ask, pulling the sweater over your head. The extra layer was already warming you up, and your body relaxes a little.

“Well, considering the biggest thing I did today was helping tourists find their way to the subway, I’ll let you figure that out,” he laughs. “Though I suppose some good work is better than no work at all. At least the city knows I’m back.”

Peter realizes that the last sentence wasn’t a good idea, your face slightly dropping at his words. He tries to keep talking in hopes of distracting you. “So uh, any reason why you’re out here tonight?”

“I was waiting for you. Couldn’t sleep until I knew you were safe, I guess.” you sigh, looking back at the skyline. “I also wanted to apologize, for how I reacted. Even if I didn’t agree with you, I could have at least listened to you.”

Peter awkwardly nods, guilt surfacing at your confession. “I mean, I could have done the same thing too. I was so focused on the dumb rumors I let Flash get into my head. That was my first mistake,” he jokes, causing you to snort. “I’m not trying to get into myself into any death matches anytime soon, but I still want to help out, you know?”

“Always the hero… I learned that back in D.C.,” you sigh. “I guess I’m still trying to figure things out. Everything just feels weird right now, and I don’t think I’m making it any easier.”

He doesn’t say anything and faces back toward the city. He takes a breath of the city, smelling the mix of laundry detergent from your apartment basement and the exhaust from the streets.

For all his life, Peter was dedicated to New York. He loved going to the museums with May and Ben; he always tried to pay street performers with whatever spare change he had in his pocket; he rolled his eyes every time someone brought up New Jersey; most importantly, he wouldn’t take off the suit until he knew his home was safe, even if it was almost morning.

He’s done everything he could to protect his neighborhood and the people who need it most, yet he feels… almost distant from it all. As if Peter was trying to find something more to it. A faint memory passes through his head- what did Ben use to say all those years ago? Something like, “home isn’t a place, it’s a feeling”?

Peter’s brain sticks to the thought.

Suddenly, the last month hits him.

“I thought of you,” he starts, still looking out into the night. “When it happened, all I could think about was you.”

Your face softens as the beating of your heart becomes audible.

“I was so… angry about it all. I was so pissed off at myself. Even if I knew that was gonna happen, even if I knew or thought I guess, that that was the end, I was an idiot for not spending my time with you. I should’ve used whatever time I had trying to be something more to you, instead of pushing away what we already had. At least if I did die, I would be at peace with everything,” he chokes up a little at the end. “You’re my best friend, and one that somehow gets me. This place is my home and I’d do anything for it.” He turns his head closer. “But it’s nothing without you. Life feels complicated, it’s always been complicated… but I think it’d be easier if we were in it together.”

You bite your lip and pick at the skin. They’ve been chapped since you came out, but it didn’t stop you from using it to cope with your nerves. Peter was laying it all out on the table, and you were the one left silent.

“You don’t have to tell me why we didn’t kiss, it’s completely understandable if you rather just let it go. I’ve pushed you away too many times, it’s only fair you get to do the same at least once. But I want you to know this.” His eyes were bright under the moonlight.

The last hurrah.

“I would keep you in any possible way I could. I told myself that I need to be able to do what I want, and I want you, for however long I can get you,” he sighs. “If you’re not ready for that, okay. If you never want that- fuck – that’s okay too. I love you. I will always love you,” he says, passion dripping from his words and into your heart. “If you could wait for me, I can wait for you too. Whenever you’re ready, just say when. I don’t care what I’m doing, or where I am, I’m always going to be here with you. Even if you don’t want me, I’ll be here.”

I’ll be here…

+++

It took five days for Peter to wake up.

Five days of nonstop worrying and utter stress. Five days of you traveling to the hospital first thing after school until your parents texted you to come home. Five days of you not sleeping because you were waiting for the call, and you had no idea what to expect when it did.

The first day was somewhat bearable. May and you slept in the waiting room that night, and when you woke up, which was about four hours later, she took you home. Sitting in a sticky, vinyl chair was not helping you, and if May had to wait there for another minute, she was afraid she’d have another meltdown.

You were still a little numb from it all by the time you got back. It wasn’t until almost midnight that you started to realize, oh shit, you don’t know when Peter will wake up. If… he’ll ever wake up.

That first night you cried in your bed until the morning. Your face was swollen for the rest of the day, and when your parents came back on the second day, they were panicking that you had an allergic reaction.

You told May not to tell them. They didn’t need to know, and they didn’t need to coddle and worry about you. May, who didn’t exactly think it was a good idea, reluctantly agreed anyways. So, when your parents were fussing about your appearance, you laughed it off and told them you watched The Notebook the night before with some friends.

It was just easier that way.

The second day was spent with you wallowing in your room, waiting by your phone for something. May told you she would keep you updated and that you shouldn’t worry, which both of you knew was just empty advice. Hearing nothing was just as bad as hearing something.

Later that day, MJ sent a few news articles about the Vulture and his arrest. Apparently, his suit gave out not too long after he left the scene, causing him to suffer some internal injuries and harsh burns. He got caught by Stark Industries and was arrested quickly after, and is currently awaiting trial. It was likely that Adrian Toomes would be under bars for a while, and that brought you both relief and guilt as you tried to sleep.

The third day sent you to school, and at least gave you something to focus on. The tension between you and your friends was palpable, but no one bothered to address it, not sure where to even go. The only mention of that night was with Liz in the hallway before she left, and that was enough for you.

You went back to the hospital on the third day (after telling your parents you were staying at school for newspaper), and though there was nothing new about Peter’s condition, you still wanted to be there just in case. May was too busy with work to come in unless there was an emergency, and you hope that brought her more relief than stress.

You spent your visiting hours watching Peter sleep, or whatever people did when they were in a coma. You at least liked to pretend he was just sleeping, it made you feel better about his chances of waking up.

His face was so pale and frail under the fluorescents, and you wished he could wake up just long enough to get some actual food in him. You hoped he was at least somewhat at peace right now and resting away all of the stress he’s put himself under. The stress that you were also a cause of.

“I’m sorry, Peter. For everything,” you whisper. Even if he could hear you right now, you’re not sure you want him to. You slowly stand up from your chair and step closer to the boy, brushing his curls back. Gently, you lean forward and press a kiss to the top of his head, brushing the area with your thumb afterward. “I hope you’re doing okay…”

The fourth day is mostly the same. After school, you lied to your parents and went straight to the hospital. You quietly worked on homework while sitting next to Peter, glancing at him from time to time and sending his hand a reassuring squeeze every now and then. He looks the same as yesterday, and you’re not too sure if that’s good or not.

“You know he’s not going anywhere,” you hear from the doorway. Their voice was instantly recognizable. “Dr. Cho says he’s doing alright, though. Still don’t know when he’ll wake up, but he’s alright for now.” Tony Stark says.

You scoff. “No offense, but that ‘for now’ part doesn’t seem so reassuring.”

“Fair enough,” he shrugs, taking a seat next to you. “But considering this is probably my fault, I’ll take that over nothing.”

You shake your head. “It’s not your fault. It was bound to happen either way, no matter what you did, it wouldn’t have changed anything.”

“Yeah, that’s what everyone says, isn’t it?” he mumbles.

“Trust me, I actually mean it. If we’re going to put blame on anyone it should be on me… or the universe or whatever.”

Tony tilts his head. “Universe as in…”

“-soulmates, yeah,” you answer. “In our future, we saw each other after the incident, and I thought he died… now here we are.”

“Right, here we are…” he repeats. “They told me someone else was there at the scene when I got to the hospital, but I wasn’t sure who they were referring to until I saw you afterward. Nice to meet officially meet you…”

“Y/N,” you introduce yourself.

Tony nods. “I’m sorry about how all that went down though. I knew the kid wants his identity to be a secret so I tried to keep everything under wraps as much I could.”

“No hard feelings,” you smile. “I was definitely upset at the time, but I could tell you were just as worried as I was. You wanted to protect him… I do too.” You turn and look at Peter, watching his chest go up and down with his breath. “I’d do anything for him.”

You don’t notice Tony’s faint smile as he watches you and Peter. Young love was beyond him, and watching it happen right in front of his eyes was both sweet and nauseating.

“I should be heading back, I only came here for a quick check-in. Still have some loose ends to tie up regarding press, but nothing to worry about.” He stands up, straightening his jacket. “Glad we got a chance to chat.”

“Me too.” You watch as he walks away, words still at the tip of your tongue. “For what it’s worth Mr. Stark,” you begin, gaining his attention again. “Peter is the type of person who would do anything to save people. He looks out for his family, his friends, me… I can’t imagine someone who’s more of a hero than him, and that includes the Avengers. No offense,” you half-joke. “Whatever you decide to do with him, I hope you give him another chance. He’s really amazing- powers or not.”

He nods, impressed at your words. Tony doesn’t say anything, choosing to offer you a smile before turning away, leaving you and Peter alone. You don’t stay much longer after he leaves, and you follow yesterday’s routine of kissing Peter’s head before heading out.

The fifth day is rainy, perfect to match your somber mood. School decided that today would be a great day to kick your ass and give you tons of homework, even though finals week was already fast approaching. You also forgot an umbrella this morning, and your clothes were still damp from your walk from the subway station. For the cherry on top, no one has had any updates on Peter since he went under, and your hope was starting to falter.

Without thinking, you took Peter’s hands in yours and started to fidget around with his fingers. The cuts on his knuckles were turning pink and gradually healing, while the calluses on his palms were still evident. Much of the skin around his joints were rough, but it meshed so well with the smoothness around it. You were never touchy with other people, but you desperately wanted Peter to squeeze your hands back. At least show some indication that everything was going to be okay.

When you actually felt a squeeze, you almost couldn’t believe it.

You straighten in your chair and turn your head up. A slow flutter of the eyes and a twitch of the lips make your body tense in anticipation. Is he…?

“Peter?” you whisper.

A quiet groan escapes his mouth as Peter’s eyes gently open, taking in the bright lights. You sigh in relief and blink away at the tears trying to come. This better not be a dream.

“Y/N?” he asks, voice dry and scratchy.

“Oh jeez, maybe don’t talk yet. I’ll go grab you some water and tell the nurses you’re up, okay?” you loosen your grip on Peter’s hands, but he squeezes again.

His head does the tiniest shake as he stares down, watching where your fingers touch his. “Stay. They’ll figure it out.”

You bite the inside of your cheek. “Fine,” you give in. You’ll be out of here soon enough when they find out, and you wanted to spend time with the boy who came back from the dead. “If I get in trouble though, you cannot play the ‘sick patient’ card.”

Peter lets out a gravelly laugh, his body still trying to figure out how to be awake. “I’ll try my best…” he mumbles.

“You’ll try your best? Seriously?” you scoff. “You finally wake up and your first words are some half-ass promise?”

He takes a deep inhale, both humored and annoyed at your teasing. “Fine. I promise I won’t… as long as you promise to be here.”

You smile at his quiet words, taking his knuckle and forcing his pinkie finger up. You gently wrap yours around it, looking him dead in his tired eyes. “I promise I’ll be here,” you whisper.

”I’ll always be here…”

---

A month ago, you promised Peter that exact same thing, and it feels like you already broke that promise. The world has offered you a second chance, and you were doing the same thing Peter did the first time: pushing away out of fear. Could you really waste another five months doing that again?

Could your heart handle that?

“Sorry if I made you uncomfortable or something,” Peter stammers. “If you need some time alone, that’s cool,” he offers, fumbling to put his mask back on.

“-Peter, wait.”

He immediately freezes, looking at you with wide eyes. The wind was starting to pick up, and his curls gently blew in the breeze. The dry air irritates his lips as he picks at it, waiting for your next response.

You move closer to him, inch by inch on the railing; your hands are almost touching, your pinkie desperately wanting to link with his gloved one. You take a deep breath and let it trap in your chest as you stare at the boy in front of you.

Peter Parker.

Spider-Man.

Your soulmate.

But most importantly, your best friend.

The wind moves through your hair and chills your body, yet it jumpstarts every nerve in your system. Peter was alive; you were alive; and fuck, was it a good feeling.

You wanted more, so you leaned in. Your nose touched Peter’s and your mouths closed the gap. A small, innocent kiss to tell him you want more, and that it was his call to keep going. When you stop, and Peter realizes that yes, you did just kiss him, he comes back for more. And he’s not looking to stop anytime soon.

His hand lets go of the railing and wraps around the small of your back, keeping you close and balanced. He keeps the other one gripped tight to the metal; he doesn’t trust himself to not get dizzy from you.

You cradle Peter’s face and deepen yourself into his presence. Your heart is hammering against your chest and you love it. It makes your body heat up and radiates the air around you. You hum against his mouth as you suck on his bottom lip, making Peter whine at the feeling. Your sweater rides up as you press yourself closer, and his thumb draws circles on the exposed skin. The small action makes you smile; you were only half-sure you weren’t crying at the amount of love that was running through your veins.

It seems like forever until you two are pulling away, absolutely blissed out and breathless. Neither of you go that far, faces still just a space or two away.

You look into Peter’s glassy eyes. If something were to happen to him, if you had to say goodbye to him in the worst way possible, if you had to grieve for a lifetime in order to move on, if you had to spend every day thinking of him and crying until your face was red and dry…

It was worth it. You were grateful to be loved by Peter Parker.

You catch your breath and take a slow inhale. It smells like cedarwood. Home.

You lean forward again and Peter meets you halfway. Your lips are just touching when you whisper into his mouth his new favorite word.

“When.”

Part 4 / Masterlist

Taglist: @eridanuswave @spideylovin @mktravelbuggie​  @bintfalastin8​ @runway-to-my-aid​ @selfcarecap @peterbenjiparker​

[marvelobsessedteenager]

All The Hurt - Chapter 5

Pairing: Peter Parker x fem!reader

Warnings: ANGST, Peter was an ass, reader is a hurt and petty bitch, fluff to make up for the angst, curse words, lots of “coincidences”

Word count: 2.5k

A/N: had to make this one short because the next one is hella long

------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Phew, all right,” you wheezed through fast pants as you finally reached the computer room, hand numb and aching from the dripping ice pack in your palm, “you need to explain to me what’s happening. Because- man, I’m out of shape.” You placed your hands on your hips and bent slightly for a moment, taking a huge gulp of air before marching over to Ned and giving him the pack, “I’m confused as fuck, Ned.”

One of his hands continued its work while the other reached out to grab the pack. His fingers continued to type away with speed you’d never seen before as he spoke, eyes never leaving the screen, "Okay, long story short, the day you were at the bodega-” you flinched, “-was the same day that bank was robbed using high tech weapons. Those weapons were part human and part alien, and were being created by a dude who has wings on his back. Peter found out that that guy is Liz’s dad, and now Peter’s going after him to stop him from selling even more weapons.”

He hissed as he placed the ice on his eye. You blinked, nodding once as you felt entranced by the layered codes on Ned’s screen. It was weird how you understood it and read them like they were normal words and letters. You mentally thanked your summer coding camp for the extra knowledge. "I..feel like there’s a lot more to the story than that but yeah, okay, I got it.”

A buzzing from your purse interrupted your entrancement. You shook your head and opened your purse, pulling out your vibrating phone.

Incoming call from..Flash.

You furrowed your eyebrows and rolled your eyes, taking a seat across from Ned and starting up your own computer, "Now’s really not a good time, E.”

"It’s not Flash, it’s Peter!” Peter practically screamed, making you wince from his panic-stricken voice and loud background noise that was filled with New York’s most obnoxious honks.

"Wha- did you steal Flash’s phone?” You asked incredulously, putting him on speaker while you typed away, hearing the same swift clicking coming from Ned’s side.

“No! I asked him for it!” He paused for a moment, “And his car!”

“What?!”

“You stole Flash’s car?” Ned asked, jaw-dropping and eye-widening in amazement, “Cool!”

“Yeah, it’s awesome, it’s awesome!”

"Peter! You’ve never driven before! How can you be driving?!” You scolded, suddenly feeling a twist in your gut at the thought of an accident due to his lack of experience in driving. Peter was never one to make impulsive decisions as dangerous as this. You guessed he changed over the months that passed.

"I know, this is a really big step for me and- ahhhhh! Get out of the way! Get out of the way!” Your hands froze in their place as you awaited a crash with a thundering heart, but it never came, which made you sigh in relief. The engine’s sound increased in volume as the car accelerated, but Peter’s voice was still louder, "I can’t see anything in this car!"

"Which car did you..borrow?” You asked, fingers returning back to work. You figured if you could help him, he’d get out of the vehicle at a much faster rate, and all you wanted to do was keep him safe and unharmed.

"How many does he own?” Peter asked in awe, honking the horn multiple times and screaming a couple of‘ move’s!

"Not important right now! What’s the logo of the car?"

"The four Olympic circle thingies."

"An Audi.” You said under your breath. Thank God, you thought, a car I'm familiar with, “Do you know how to turn the headlights on?

"No!"

"There’s a knob on the left of the steering wheel. Turn it clockwise.”

Peter repeated your instructions, and released a small laugh of victory, ”How’s Ned doing with Happy?”

“Uh,” You peeked over your screen, noticing beads of sweat form on Ned's forehead, even with the cool ice helping his eye, “Ned?”

"Getting to him..” He said, not paying you any attention.

"Have you found my phone yet?” Peter asked.

"Working on it, sit tight,” you replied, finally seeing a moving blue dot pop up on your screen, "He’s on Jackson Avenue and 48th Street."

“Perfect! And Happy?”

You once again awaited Ned’s answer, and worried when a distressed look flashed upon his face, “He hung up on me.” He frowned, "I’ll try again.”

You looked back down at your screen and realized that the blue dot had suddenly stopped moving. You squinted, “Hey, he stopped at 10th street and 43rd avenue in Brooklyn.”

"What? That makes no sense!"

"Welcome to my world,” you mumbled, hearing a small chuckle come from Ned before he focused on talking to Happy again.

“He said he was going out of town!” Peter explained, obviously having heard you, but it did nothing to diffuse your confusion. Why would Liz’s dad stop in Brooklyn when he said he was leaving?

"Weird..” You commented, rubbing your eyebrow as you started to feel the pressure. Jesus Christ, is this what Peter goes through?

“Dammit,” Ned muttered, catching your attention, "Happy sounded like he was catching a flight,” he said, “he mentioned something about taking off in nine minutes."

"What?” You and Peter simultaneously said, and you fought the butterflies that made their way to your stomach. Now’s not the time.

"He was surrounded by a bunch of boxes,” Ned clarified.

“Boxes?” Peter wondered out loud, and you were sure you could see his face as he put two and two together, "It’s moving day! It’s moving day, it’s moving day, he’s gonna rob that plane, I gotta stop him! Shit, I don’t know how to get the directions on this car.”

You jumped at the chance to help again, pleased that Peter finally had a destination to get to, "I’ve got his location, I’ll lead you.” You pulled up Flash’s location from the Find My Friends app, eyes jumping back and forth between your phone and the computer’s screen as you voiced the directions to Peter.

Peter’s foot pressed harder on the gas pedal, causing too much skidding, and you had to try your best to hold your tongue as to not to be a backseat driver. You wondered if you were in the position to berate Peter for impulsively stealing Flash’s possessions and driving recklessly. You found it amusing that the crime fighting Spider-Man had committed two crimes as of tonight.

"Slow down, there’s a right turn up ahead. You’re gonna take it.” You directed, just as Peter’s dot passed his exit, "Parker! Turn right, turn right!”

Peter screamed as the engine roared and the car skidded so loud you were barely able to hear his web shoot out. Your eyes widened in fear as you heard metal grinding against the concrete before coming to a halt with a harsh thump. Peter’s hasty breathing seemed match yours.

"Are you okay?!” You and Ned asked, your voice cracking and brain melting.

"I’m okay.” He breathed, making you drop your head in relief, shoulders easing up, "Just keep trying to get through to Happy.”

"It’s been an honor, Spider-Man.” Ned saluted, and you gave him a look of disapproval.

But then you both turned your heads at the piercing sound of high heels clicking in the hallways that were getting louder as the person headed in your direction. Ned’s face became as white as a sheet, surely matching yours.

'What do we do?' He mouthed, eyes rapidly bouncing back and forth between the door and you.

You bit your lip and glanced at the door before sighing and getting on your feet, “I’ll distract her,” You whispered, removing all traces from the computer, “keep calling Happy.”

Ned nodded in affirmation as you straightened out your dress and took a deep breath, cautiously opening the computer room’s door and stepping outside. Ms.Warren was peeping into the science lab across the computer room, and you took this as your chance to make it look like you were just making your way in.

She turned around and jumped, “Jesus!” She placed a hand on her chest, “What are you doing-“

She stepped closer and squinted at your figure in the dark, “Y/n,” she seethed.

She said your name with poison dancing on her tongue, causing a deep frown to settle between her eyebrows as she popped her hip and crossed her arms, "What are you doing here? There’s a dance, and you know it’s prohibited to be in this area.”

“I know, Ms.Warren,” you surpassed the urge to literally bite this woman’s head off and pretended to be vulnerable for a moment. You looked down at your feet, trying to conjure up an excuse that was easy to believe - Ms.Warren wasn’t exactly gullible, and wasn’t fond of you, either. Your reputation for causing trouble in her class cost you her trust, but you frankly couldn’t give a fuck. Plus, it was fun to mess around with her, what’s one more time?

“I just..” Your mind went blank as her eyes searched yours, a small glint of mischief shining in them. Oh, you bet she fantasized about the day she’d get you expelled from Midtown, but you weren’t ever going to let her see that day. So, you did what you always did when you got into trouble.

Play the absent parents' card.

“I just..I just w-wanted to call my dad. It’s quiet in here.” You said, faking your wobbly voice. No teacher liked it when they had to deal with crying students, especially those who hid the fact that they had no role models around them, like yourself. A look of confusion flashed in her eyes.

You were getting somewhere.

“It’s just..h-he’s been gone for so long, Ms. Warren, and I never see him. He called me tonight, and he never has before.” You fiddled with the ends of your hair, “What if he tells me he’s here? Here to see me? While I’m partying down t-there?” You sniffed for extra effect, somehow feeling your eyes swell with tears.

Weird.

You took a deep breath and looked at the ceiling to make it look like you were trying to hold yourself from falling apart, “I-I just wanted to call him,” you repeated, thickening your voice even more, “maybe he’ll apologize for never being there for me, especially after m-mom left us when I was ten.” You were almost impressed with yourself as you felt hot tears run down your face, traced with the mascara you applied before coming here.

In Ms.Warren’s shadow, you could tell her eyebrows were furrowed, and she was looking anywhere but you, clearly trying to choose between two options.

“I’ve never had a parent in my life.” You pushed, "No one taught me how to ride a bike, or swim, a-and I feel so left out because all the other kids have parents and I don’t!”

You grabbed onto her arms, looking her dead in the eye, “Please, please, just let me piece my life back together. Let me call him.”

For a moment, you swore you saw her demeanor soften. Just a moment where you felt like she understood you, not pitied you. But, just as quick as it came, it disappeared when she cleared her throat and looked around.

“Okay, okay.” She sighed, "But make it quick,” she stepped back from your grasp, ready to bolt, but you took the chance to make her slightly more uneasy.

What?

This was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, of course you were going to take it.

“Oh, thank you, thank you!” You sprung into her, arms folding around her tightly as she stiffened, clearly feeling uncomfortable about the affection you were displaying. You breathed in through your nose, hard, and nearly laughed when you felt her hands on your shoulders, trying to peel you off of her with a face of disgust.

“Don’t mention it, s-sweetie.” She said, discreetly rubbing her hands on her dress, "You better go now before your dad gets busy again.”

“You're right, you’re right."

And for your final act, you pretended to sniff and wipe your nose with your arm, catching Ms. Warrner’s eye twitch. She was known for being a massive germaphobe, which really only came in handy during her class - until now.

She cleared her throat once again, turned around, and marched down the hallway, practically running away from you until she was gone. You placed a hand over your mouth, muffling your giggles as you entered the computer room once again, slowly closing the door behind you.

“She’s gone?” Ned swiveled in his chair to face you, cracking a smile when you happily nodded and wiped at your face.

“How about you? What’d Happy say?” You walked over to him, running your eyes over the lengthy call history, which was mainly filled with declined calls from your side.

“Um,” Ned rubbed his arm in shame, “he cursed. A lot. And he..he blocked me,”

Your face dropped, hearing Ned sigh and imitating him.

“What do we do now?” Ned asked, desperate as ever.

You waited for a moment, feeling a lightbulb go off in your head as you rushed to the other side and opened your phone.

“Give me his number,” You said, dialing the number Ned voiced to you and putting him on speaker. You crossed your fingers and waited for him to pick up, each ring only causing you more anxiety.

“Yeah?” Happy said, sounding quite annoyed.

“Well, damn, you don’t sound like a Happy to me. You sound like a grumpy.” You rolled your eyes, immediately regretting what you said.

“Not this shit again,” He said angrily, and you were pretty sure he was going to hang up, making you panic all over again.

“Someone’s going to steal Mr. Stark’s shit!” You blurted, wincing when you heard nothing from the other line for a moment. You were going to check if he hung up on you when you heard a, “what?”

“T-the plane!” You exclaimed, "The plane with all of Tony’s stuff! There’s a guy who’s going to steal it and Parker’s going to stop him!”

“You know what? How about you tell Parker that he has some delusional, weird fr-“ His voice suddenly faded out, “Holy shit.” He breathed.

“What? What happened?”

"The plane just crashed.”

Your heart dropped to the feet as the color drained from your face, feeling the blood rushing through your ears and fear spiking in your chest. Somehow, somehow, you knew Peter was where the crash was, and you feared the worst possible outcome. You didn’t even hang up as you rounded the table, picked up your keys, and ran out the door.

Previous Chapter Next Chapter All The Hurt Masterlist Main Masterlist

tags: @peachescream06

[queeen-goldfish]

5 Stages of A Heartbreak 1/5

A/N- I did something like this a couple of years ago but I got a little insecure about it and deleted my whole account... over one story. However I found some of the plot and decided to rewrite it. My lovely friend read it and gave me the confidence I need to repost it. I hope you enjoy it!

Category~ ANGST (my fav lol) 

WARNING (Triggers) - A tiny description of a Panic Attack 

Peter Parker Masterlist

   “Please. I- I don’t have anything, just please don’t hurt me.” you pleaded with the robber who was currently holding you at knife point. How did you get in this situation? Lord knows, but no matter where you were, trouble was always around the corner. 

The man pushed his head back with a laugh, allowing the smell of alcohol to escape his mouth  invading your senses. “Come one now darling don’t give me that crap” the robber spat as he began to get close to you. "You were just asking to be hurt. I mean what sane person goes through an alley all by themselves in the middle of the night , huh?” he asked you, sliding the knife down your cheek causing a chill to run down your spine. He opened his mouth once again only to be cut off by a familiar voice,

“Hey now why wasn’t I invited to the hang out”  

’Oh thank God, it's Peter’ you thought to yourself. To afraid to move you stared at the multicolored brick wall accompanied by the rusted fire escape that looked too old to do any real good in any real emergency, 

“Spider-man?” The robber questioned looking around trying to place a location on the young hero. Spider-man gasped dramatically, “You know who I am? Who would have known I had fans around this part of town?” He asked sarcastically as he swung from the roof onto the alley floor. Seeing Spider-man getting closer, the robber placed the knife against your neck as a warning. “Woah now let’s not get too excited” he added as he put his hands up for the robber to see

“Yeah, well we were just having a little chit chat, weren’t we darling?” the robber asked you, adding pressure to his hold on you making you whimper against the pressure.

“Tsk tsk tsk” Spider-man responded walking closer to the robber “Now thats no way to talk to the lady now is it '' he asked shooting a web onto the robbers hand pulling him away from you. 

Seeing that he was in a losing battle,the robber dropped his weapon holding his hands up, “Wa-wait we can work something-” but before the man was able to say anything else he was swept off his feet and on the ground groaning in pain. Within minutes the robber was tied up and left for the clean-up department, a.k.a the police officers.

“Spider-man?” you called out. Your voice was raspy and you couldn’t control the tears that started to flow down your face with such ease. His full attention was on you, walking over slowly, he placed one hand behind his back and the other reaching out for you to grab, “Milady?”  As you placed your hands upon his, he swept you off your feet and into the air. At first your eyes were closed due to the spontaneous change in altitude, but once your body calmed down you opened your eyes. Face to face with the dazzling stars that illuminated the night sky. Looking down at the city lights you could tell Peter was taking you but it didn’t stop the question from leaving your lips, “Are we going home?” you asked your voice no higher than a whisper. Peter answered your question with a gentle squeeze but not a word was spoken until you two landed on top of your building's roof.

“Peter- I mean-” you cleared your throat a bit nervous,“Spiderman. Uuh- Thanks” you said, feeling the blush creep up your neck. You were used to speaking to Peter, but never when he was in his suit, it almost felt too- unreal.

Peter snatched off his mask from his face, searching your body with his eyes for anything out of place. Only then did you notice the way his breath was almost shaky, like the reality of it all just hit him. Any other day you would have looked away too afraid to be caught staring, but the way he stood there watching over you like it was his only reason to live had you memorized. The only thing that took you out of his trance was the crack in his voice as he grabbed your shoulders,  “I thought, I thought I lost you. I heard your voice but I didn’t think it was you- or- I, I don’t know but I just knew I had to come and then I did and he had a knife against your throat and- oh God '' he cried taking in a sharp breath. Placing a hand on his cheek you rubbed the tears away with your thumb. He put his hand over yours, caressing it ever so gently staring into your eyes. You tried to think of something to say, something that may ease the shock he had on his face but before you could even form the words he pulled you into a kiss, only coming up for air to look into your eyes and kiss you all over again. 

After a moment Peter stopped and looked at you for what seemed like forever, “I know this is sudden but-” Peter pulled a candy ring-pop from dropping down on one knee. You chuckled looking between the boy you’ve loved for so long and the sugary treat he held in his hand. “This ring pop is- well a little smashed up-” you both laughed at the statement, you couldn’t figure out if it was the adrenaline or pure happiness but you felt like you could run a mile. “- But I was hoping that you would still at least let me do my romantically cringy speech” you nodded and he chuckled nervously, “ Okay here it goes, y/n?”

“Emhmm” you tried to contain your smile with your hands but you were sure it could be seen from miles away. 

“Y/n”��

“Uh-huh” you said, egging him to go on. Suddenly his facial features changed like there was something wrong. “Peter you're scaring me what's wron-”

“You’re gonna be late?” he said drooping the candy ring pop looking around

“Peter what? What are you talking about'' Peter grabbed your hand pulling you closer to the edge, “Peter you’re scaring me what's going on”

“You have to wake up”

“What-” He shoved you off the building and as soon as you hit the ground-

“Peter!” You popped up huffing as you looked around only to meet face to face with your mother.  

“No it’s not Peter, it’s your mother. It’s about time you woke up” your mother yelled as she picked up the dirty clothes that were on your floor and placed them into a hamper. 

“Mom, you scared me! I think you just ended my life…. in my dreams!”

“Yeah, well if picking up your dirty clothes at this age is going to be a normal activity of mine, I guess my life ended ages ago. So you can call us even.” she said without hesitation while  taking the hamper exiting the room, “You need to be out of the house in twenty minutes!”

“Yes ma’am” You said sighing as you swung you leg off the bed 

I mean of course it was just a dream. Perfect Peter would never do anything that heroically romantic...Not to you at least. You guys had been friends for over 10 years- no, not just friends, best friends.So close that he feels the need to tell you every single detail about his crush, Ms. Liz freakin Allen. As if your love for him wasn’t already impossible, he goes and crushes on the rich ‘cheerleader’ with brains. Not to mention he talks about her all the time, even at this very moment! I guess you don’t mind his little rambles, or at least you pretend you don’t. It gives you an excuse to admire his features a little more. Like his mesmerizing lips that moved so elegantly as he talked. Making the most boring of subjects an entertaining sport. The way he casually bit his lip as he smiled or when his tongue would tease you with a quick game of peek a boo as they swept across his bottom lip. Or the way he just said your name so sweet like the morning dew on a summers day.You loved the way your named rolled off his tongue with… wait-

“Y/n!” Peter called, you looked up at him confused, why on earth was he shouting your name like that? “Y/n are you even listening?” Peter Parker asked, making your stomach drop a bit. Of course you weren’t listening; he was ranting about Ms.Perfect, but you didn’t expect to be quizzed on the subject.  

Giving a chuckle you pulled on your sleeve out of habit, “um of course, I just.. Zoned out for a second.. Or two” you explained looking down at your half eaten pizza. The school pizza didn’t look all that appetizing, but anything was better than looking into Peter’s eyes. That boy could read you like a book with no cover. You heard him give a small chuckle, that made the ends of your lips curve up. His soft laugh gave you the ability to look up at him. At the moment he was combing his fingers through his hair as he bit the side of his lip, something he did quite often to stop from smiling but his smile was almost memorizing. The way his smile could melt you from the inside out was almost scary. 

He looked back at you shaking his head jokingly, “Well I guess I’ll just have to tell you again won’t I? I was telling you guys that I finally asked Liz out” he said simply. It took you a moment to process his words. You were waiting for the punchline, the “Ha you should have seen your face”. Yet the only thing you got was the gut punching feeling in your stomach that made you want to throw up your half eaten pizza, and the breakfast you thought would have been devoured by now. It’s not that bad, keep it together just nod just do something just don’t- “Y/n?” All eyes were on you. Peter. Ned. Mj...Peter. You could feel the lump in your throat building and your breath begin to shorten so you smiled and nodded, taking a deep breath, and then another but it was as if your lungs had stopped listening to orders. 

You heard Mj grab her bag and grab yours too, “I just forgot me and Y/n have a project we need to work on-” she said handing you your stuff and pushing you towards the cafeteria exit

“What right now?!” Peter asked, you were still walking, afraid a tear would slip if you turned back now.You could hear MJ talking to him in a rushed voice. Something about a deadline and in a hurry.When she finally caught up to you she led you to the nearest bathroom and locked the main door.You leaned onto the bathroom counter trying to focus your breathing as she looked under each stall until she was satisfied no one was in there.

“I can't- I can’t” your chest tightened and the lack of air made your face feel like a thousand needles were poking at it. Panic attacks weren’t very foreign to you but they didn’t happen very often, however when they did Mj was the first to help you. To be completely honest she was the only one you were comfortable helping you in this state.

“I know I know, sit down okay just sit and look at me, just like last time remember”  You nodded as she took a deep breath and you tried to mimic her.She continued to do this until you remembered how to breathe. In between she would ask you silly questions to get your mind off the obvious. 

Once you were calm you sat there looking at the wall, “I knew he would never love me but it still hurts” You explained your voice cracking as the tears built back up. You and Peter had known each other for ten years and you guys were immediately besties. You caught feelings after two year.. And after all this time you finally get your heartbroken by Perfect Parker. “I was never going to be good enough...was I?” You sobbed into Mj’s shoulder. 

“It’s okay, let it out” Mj said, holding your sobbing body. One second you were fine, having a normal day with your friends, and in a blink of an eye your world came crumbling down. The only piece of dignity you had left, went out the window the moment you sat in the corner of this dirty bathroom crying your eyes out about a boy who would never think of you as more than just a friend. 

I heard a story about a girl who loved her best friend. She spent days watching him as if her feelings were nothing more than a friendship. Her heart tugged as she heard him talk about his new profound love. It made her stomach twist with the way his eyes sparkled when he talked about a girl she knew wasn’t her. The butterflies she once had, had grown into jealous moths ready to attack any sort of light left within her.Every insecurity she had was labeled as another reason her best friend didn't view her like he did other girls.I heard that she continued to smile as if nothing was wrong. She even laughed when the timing was right. I haven’t gotten to the end of the story yet..The girl does seem kind of stupid though huh…

Chapter 2

[thestarkerisobvious]

This is the last thing @von--gelmini ( aka @starker-stories ) and I wrote together.  

The setup: All the events of Avengers:Endgame have happened.  As far as the world knows, Tony Stark is dead.  Only one person on the planet knows otherwise (well, two, if you include a certain Ancient resident of  Kamer Taj.)  One person, and one tight-lipped AI.

All the events of Spider-Man:Far From Home have happened, with one exception.  When J. J. Jameson attempted to do his hit piece on civilian (and minor) Peter Parker, he found himself off the air in the middle of his sentence, and out of a job in the middle of the day.  He never knew why.

Now Peter Parker, like the rest of the world, is trying to move on from this devastating loss.  But that’s impossible - because it really feels like the ghost of Tony Stark is haunting him wherever he goes.  (Not that he really believes in ghosts, just that his spider-senses tell him Tony is present and watching him, that’s just a malfunction of his spider-senses.  Unreliable at best, once they deserted him, and now they are trying to inform him that his dead mentor is there when, obviously, his dead mentor is NOT there.)

                                             Ghosting You

Chapter 1:  Peter - Things We Shouldn’t Do

It wasn’t normal.

Texting a dead guy wasn’t normal.  Rereading and rerereading his texts from you and pretending they were recent?  Also not normal.  If anyone had asked, Peter would justify it by pointing out that the ghost of Tony Stark was haunting him everywhere he went, and sending texts out into the ether was just the way he was coping.  Not that anyone ever asked.  Not that anyone ever knew.  Peter Parker still relied on his constant communications with Tony, even if all those communications were strictly one-way.  

Maybe he shouldn’t have been relying on Tony as much as he was. But maybe he shouldn’t have been doing a lot of things. Like spending all his time at this party MJ’s parents were throwing half longing for another party, or dreading another party.

But he was doing both.

But dammit, the kids getting high in MJ’s side yard were looking better and better to him by the second. He was NOT going to do illegal substances – he was an Avenger dang it – but damn if he couldn’t help but go talk to them, twice, and listen to their carefree giggle rambling with deep abiding envy. They didn’t have a care in the world.

Actually they had lots of cares, the exact same number of cares he did. Well almost. Half of them had been displaced by the snap. Everyone there had lost half of everyone they knew. Woken up one day to find that exactly half of their friends were now 5 years older. Different ages, different grades, different social stratus. Alive, but lost. Visible, but erased. The other half, went home one day to find that half of everyone they knew were gone, and spent the next 5 years learning to live with it. Those friends were back now, different ages, different grades, different social stratus. Alive, but lost. Visible, but erased. Everyone there felt their lives toppling as the world tried to figure out what to do with them, or with their friends. Peter, just like half of them, talked the tightrope between being 17 when his birth certificate said he was 21. Parents, politicians, and society all had their own ideas. Peter longed for college the way a baby longed for its blanket, the way a swimming man longed for land. Maybe in college his maybe-minor maybe-major status would at least feel normal.

It wasn’t normal.

Texting a dead guy wasn’t normal.  Rereading and rerereading his texts from you and pretending they were recent?  Also not normal.  If anyone had asked, Peter would justify it by pointing out that the ghost of Tony Stark was haunting him everywhere he went, and sending texts out into the ether was just the way he was coping.  Not that anyone ever asked.  Not that anyone ever knew.  Peter Parker still relied on his constant communications with Tony, even if all those communications were strictly one-way.  

Maybe he shouldn’t have been relying on Tony as much as he was. But maybe he shouldn’t have been doing a lot of things. Like spending all his time at this party MJ’s parents were throwing half longing for another party, or dreading another party.

But he was doing both.

But dammit, the kids getting high in MJ’s side yard were looking better and better to him by the second. He was NOT going to do illegal substances – he was an Avenger dang it – but damn if he couldn’t help but go talk to them, twice, and listen to their carefree giggle rambling with deep abiding envy. They didn’t have a care in the world.

Actually they had lots of cares, the exact same number of cares he did. Well almost. Half of them had been displaced by the snap. Everyone there had lost half of everyone they knew. Woken up one day to find that exactly half of their friends were now 5 years older. Different ages, different grades, different social stratus. Alive, but lost. Visible, but erased. The other half, went home one day to find that half of everyone they knew were gone, and spent the next 5 years learning to live with it. Those friends were back now, different ages, different grades, different social stratus. Alive, but lost. Visible, but erased. Everyone there felt their lives toppling as the world tried to figure out what to do with them, or with their friends. Peter, just like half of them, talked the tightrope between being 17 when his birth certificate said he was 21. Parents, politicians, and society all had their own ideas. Peter longed for college the way a baby longed for its blanket, the way a swimming man longed for land. Maybe in college his maybe-minor maybe-major status would at least feel normal.

Those kids in MJ’s side yard had as many cares as he did, but they had forgotten them for the moment. Substances were beginning to look REALLY nice.

Which is exactly what he texted to Tony.

Substances are beginning to look really nice.

Ned’s graduation party would be different, of course. More formal, more grownup. Whatever that meant. Alcohol would be served, Peter had been informed, but they’d all be regulated to one glass each, according to Ned. That was the only think Peter was looking forward to (at this point he was partied-out. Then again he had been partied-out since party one. He didn’t want to be ungrateful – May had really gone all out on a big graduation blowout – but the only thing he would ever remember from that party was spending the night with MJ. She had been officially invited to stay the night, with May’s permission and blessing. It was the only night they would spend together. When it was over, they both agreed it wouldn’t happen again.

A glass of alcohol at Ned’s family’s formal dinner was honestly the only thing Peter was looking forward to now. Maybe drinking a glass of wine would make him feel like an adult. Graduating from high school certainly wasn’t working. Losing his V-card to MJ made him feel MUCH younger, not more. Drugs were out (besides those carefree, forgetful individuals in MJ’s side yard didn’t strike him as particularly grownup, especially when they bragged they had been using since 13) because he was an Avenger now.

Being an Avenger SHOULD have made him feel grownup.

Hell – being TO OUTER SPACE and fighting in a for-the-safety-of-Earth battle should have made him feel grownup. But all that seemed like a dream to the Peter Parker who was trying to endure Graduation Party Number 2 and dreading Graduation Party Number 3. 

The Peter Parker who was really counting down the minutes to when he could bow out, beg off and go home.

The Peter Parker who really shouldn’t have been thinking about Tony as much as he was.

That didn’t stop him, though.

He took his phone out for the 100th time to go back over his text messages. Grinning at Tony’s quips, his one liners, his smart-alecky remarks. His bordering-on-flirting sentences.

They weren’t really flirting, of course. They couldn’t be. Peter was just a kid.

But it was fun to pretend.

***

“You can’t keep doing this,” a quiet, secret part of his brain whispered to him as he headed home that night.

“You can’t keep pretending forever” that hateful voice murmured in the back of his head.

He hated that voice. Wanted to pull it out and pummel it into the ground until his fists were swollen and bloody.

“You can’t keep texting him. You can’t keep rereading his old texts over and over. It isn’t healthy. It isn’t normal…”

That part, at least, was true, and he knew it. It wasn’t healthy. It was okay, surely, to pretend in his head. Everyone pretended in their head. Aunt May was STILL talking to Uncle Ben, Peter still caught her at it sometimes, and that made it okay for Peter to do it too. Made it okay that he was still texting Tony, still leaving him messages, even though Tony wasn’t really on the other end. That was normal.

But it was interfering with his understanding of reality. THAT’S what made it not normal.

Like on actual graduation day, for instance, when his spidersenses were telling him something he knew couldn’t be true. That Tony was there. That Tony was watching. It was mercifully brief, ended right after he crossed the stage, but while it was happening it was terrifying. Overwhelmingly, unabashedly REAL. But it wasn’t real. Tony wasn’t really there. Despite all of Peter’s texts, emails, and phone messages with all the details of graduation. All those prayers to a dead man. The dead man didn’t come to his graduation. It’s not like Peter was alone, there were many people there missing the living, wishing the living could have been there too. Peter was just one more in a crowd.

Just one more pretending the dead still walked the earth. 

On his way home he pulled out his phone, his thumb flying across the letters in depression. 

//I’m not going to be talking to you much anymore. You understand. College and all. I just won’t have time to text you much. But please don’t think I’m ghosting you because I would never do that to you. You mean too much to me. I’ll always be here when you need me. But I won’t have time much to//

That’s as far as he got. It was as far as he could get. He hit send on the nonsensical words and pocketed his phone. It was time to focus on reality. On the future. On what he had to do next. Like finding out if alcohol had any effect on him, for starters. Because if it did, he might actually have something to look forward to.

He shouldn’t have been relying on Tony as much as he was. But he shouldn’t have been doing a lot of things. 

-------------------------------------------------------

Tomorrow I’ll post @von--gelmini‘s chapter, which will be titled “Tony - Losing Negotiations”

I plan on posting a chapter a day - eventually to all be placed on Ao3.

Please message me if you want to be tagged.

Thank you.

[cutelittlestar]

Liar || Peter Parker x Reader

Summary: You frequently get bullied at school, but you act as if everything is fine. Peter takes your word but as time goes by, he notices you’ve been lying to him. 

Word Count: 4.2k

Warning(s): slut shaming, mental/emotional abuse, bullying, violence, angst.  

A/N: I got bored during the weekend, so I quickly wrote this imagine. If you see any grammar errors, no you didn’t 😀 

You’re such a fucking whore. Any person that says they’re interested in you is full of shit. Why don’t you just do us a favor and fucking leave? 

You stared at your phone, feeling your eyes get watery as you read the text message over and over again. Your hands began to shake and you felt a lump form in your throat, making it harder for you to breathe. A sob escaped your mouth, but you bit your lip, afraid that someone would hear you crying. The first time you received a hate message like this, you blocked the number, but as days went by, you continued to get more hateful messages to the point where you didn’t even bother blocking the various numbers. What difference would it make? It would never end. 

“Y/N!” you heard Peter shout down the hallway. You flinched at Peter’s voice, and you quickly turned off your phone before shoving it in your sweater. For a short moment, you wondered why Peter was calling your name, but once you glanced at your alarm, you remembered you had school. You rapidly got off your bed and headed towards your mirror, hastily wiping away your smeared mascara. 

“Hey, you ready to walk to school?” Peter asked; he now stood by the doorframe, but as his eyes landed on your body, he quickly became aware of your silence. You were hunched over your desk but before Peter could ask what was wrong, you turned around, flashing a big, bright, and fake grin.  

“Yeah, let’s go.” You grabbed your backpack, heading towards the door, but Peter quickly stepped in the way, worriedly staring at you. 

“Is everything alright?” No. 

“Yea, why would you ask that?” you nonchalantly asked, hoping Peter would stop asking questions. 

“Well, your eyes look really red. Were you crying, y/n?” Shit, he can’t know. Make up a lie. 

“Oh,” you forced yourself to chuckle, pretending that everything was fine, “I accidentally poked myself with my mascara wand, that’s all.” Please don’t ask any more questions. 

There was an incredibly, painful, and long moment of silence, and you began to panic, dreading that Peter would soon catch on. “Look, can we go now? We’re gonna be late to school,” you said, impatiently tapping your foot on the hardwood floor. Peter noticed how you avoided eye-contact with him, but he decided to not say anything else. He stepped back, giving you enough space so you could walk out of your room. 

“Yea, let’s go.” 

- - - - - 

“You’re telling me that you don’t find Kylo Ren attractive?!” Ned said in bewilderment, harshly staring at Peter as the three of you walked down the hallway. “Dude, you’re a fucking idiot.” 

You let out a genuine laugh, completely feeling better as you continued to listen to Ned’s comments. Although you would never truly forget those awful messages, being around your friends made you feel relaxed. 

“Y/n,” Ned said, getting your attention, “you agree with me, right?” 

“I hundred-percent agree with your statement.” 

“You see!” Ned yelled in satisfaction, “I’m not the only one who thinks that.” 

As you continued to walk down the hallway, you quickly noticed that many of your peers were staring at you. Suddenly, Ned’s and Peter’s voices were muffled out, and all you could focus on were the stares - stares of disgust, stares of pity, and stares of judgment. You tightly clutched onto your backpack straps, trying to remain calm and raise your head high, but then you noticed that some students were whispering into their friends’ ears, causing you to become anxious. Were they talking about you?  

You roughly collided into someone’s back, causing your thoughts to abruptly stop. As you began to apologize to the person, you noticed that they weren’t even paying attention to you at all. Instead, they were more focused on something else. There was a big crowd of students swarming over a singular locker, but you were unable to see why everyone was so drawn in. You turned to look at Ned and Peter, hoping they would know, but they were just confused as you were. You heard fragments of sentences, but as you drew yourself closer to the crowd, the whispers of the students began to grow louder.

Oh my god, one student said. Poor girl. 

Bitch had it coming, another voice said. She’s a fucking skank. 

I heard she slept with the whole football team. Do you think it’s true?!

Why would anyone do such a thing? 

And then it hit you; they were staring at your locker. 

Peter and Ned watched as you roughly pushed students to the side until they were unable to see you. An uneasiness started to brew in the pit of your stomach, and you felt like you wanted to throw up. You ignored the stares and whispers as you drew yourself closer until you were finally standing in front of your locker. Your breathing became uneven and your body began to shake; you felt your vision slightly blur as you horrifically stared at the scene. 

Written in red paint and large, bold letters was the word slut. Your photo was taped below the word, but your face had been so violently scratched off that your face was nearly unidentifiable. 

By now, the crowd had dispersed, but Peter and Ned were still right beside you. They were completely mortified by what they were seeing, but they were more concerned with you; you remained silent, an unreadable expression plastered on your face. 

“Y/n...?” Peter whispered, stepping closing and grabbing your shoulder, hoping he could provide some comfort. You weren’t able to understand what he was saying; it was like his voice was coming from a mile away. At this moment, all you wanted to do was run away and cry - cry until you felt numb and there were no more tears left. But you couldn’t, you had to remain strong. They couldn’t know how much it was destroying you on the inside. 

The sadness that once controlled your body was utterly gone and was now replaced with rage; with one swift movement, you ripped the photo off of your locker and crumpled up the paper before tossing it to the floor. Peter and Ned eyed one another, unsure of what was going in your head while also worrying that you were avoiding the situation. You opened your locker with ease and proceeded to grab the textbooks you needed. 

“C’mon, let’s get to class,” you ushered out before slamming your locker shut. Yet, your feet remained planted on the ground, your eyes continuing to stare at the vulgar word. Don’t cry, you repeated to yourself, taking deep breaths in and out. 

“Are you okay?” Ned politely asked, hoping you wouldn’t break down in front of him. “We can skip first period and go somewhere private if you want,” Ned suggested. 

You turned around, and to Peter’s and Ned’s surprise, you were showing no signs of despair. Instead, you gave them a soft, reassuring smile, indicating to them that you were alright. 

“I’m not bothered at all,” you confidently remarked, adjusting your backpack. “They can say whatever they want about me, but I know it’s not true.” 

Peter furrowed his eyebrows, a bit terrified of how calm you were reacting. “Y/n, it’s okay if you’re not alright. You can talk to us, we’re here for you,” Peter conveyed.

“I said I’m fine,” you snapped, causing Peter to quickly shut his mouth. You noticed a frown appear on his face, and you instantly regretted how you responded to Peter. He’s just trying to help, don’t take your anger out on him. 

“I’m sorry, Pete,” you said, “I didn’t mean to yell at you.” Peter nodded his head, completely understanding your outburst. You had every reason to be angry, but he kinda wished you told him what you were feeling. You always tended to push your feelings to the side, and Peter worried that you were going to keep quiet. 

“I know you guys care about me, but we shouldn’t skip first period. I’m okay, really.” 

Liar. 

The sound of the bell echoed across the hallway, and you mentally let out a sigh of relief, glad that you could escape Ned and Peter. 

“I’ll see you guys soon,” you rapidly said before you turned to the side and walked down the hallway. However, as soon as you turned the corner, you sprinted towards the bathroom, locking yourself in a stall and letting out a despairing cry until the period ended. 

A few days later 

Peter, MJ, and Ned all sat near each other in the cafeteria, none of them saying a word. MJ and Ned continuously stared at one another before flickering their eyes to Peter, watching as he ate in silence. You were running a bit late, as usual, but MJ hoped that they could quickly discuss your sudden change of behavior. Surely she wasn’t the only one who noticed, right?     

“Is Y/n aright?” MJ finally said out loud, causing Peter to look up. 

Peter furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean?” Peter replied. 

MJ leaned back in her seat, quickly blinking, unable to believe what Peter just said. Her eyes flashed with anger, and she looked to Ned in shock, frustrated that Peter didn’t realize how your behavior wasn’t normal. “Are you serious right now, Parker?” coldly spat, causing Peter to slightly jump at her harsh tone. Peter remained silent, continuing to stare at MJ in confusion, but then a dejected expression formed on his face, quickly remembering what happened a few days ago. 

Peter slowly shrugged his shoulders, unsure of what to say. “She said she was doing fine...”

“And you believed her?!” MJ angrily remarked, slamming her fist on the table and shaking her head in disapproval; god, sometimes Peter can be so oblivious. Peter began to feel horrible as he listened to MJ’s words; he should’ve tried harder - he should’ve asked you how you were doing, but he afraid that if he kept asking, you were going to get irritated and push him away. He didn’t want to create an already distant relationship. MJ took note of Peter’s silence, and she let out a sigh, trying her best to control her frustration. 

“She won’t talk to me about it...” MJ confessed, her eyes expressing melancholy, “but maybe she’ll confide in you.” 

Peter wanted to believe that you were alright, but MJ was right; he could see how your eyes were duller or how you didn’t speak as much as you usually do. “I’ll talk to her,” Peter promised, offering a genuine smile to Ned and MJ. 

“She’s coming,” Ned whispered, telling MJ and Peter to change the topic. Peter raised his head, watching as you headed towards the table with your lunch tray, and he grinned at you; even from a mile away, Peter could see your frown, but once you saw that Peter was staring at you, you quickly changed your stance and expression. 

Once you sat down, you flashed them a small smile and softly greeted them before eating your food. As you continued to eat, you were glad that neither of them asked how you were doing. At first, the conversation was a bit dry, but then everything went back to the way it was; MJ and Ned were verbally attacking Peter while you stood by and watched, laughing. Although Peter pretended that he was offended by Ned and MJ, he mentally smiled to himself, noticing how you were laughing just like the way you used to; he missed your smile so much. 

Of course, the moment was ruined. 

“Hey, you’re Y/n right?” a boy interrupted, placing his arm on the table and leaning in, blocking your view of Peter. MJ and Ned remained silent, glaring at the boy who decided to interrupt their conversation. You felt yourself freeze, a terrified expression on your face, but then you put on a brave face, nodding your head. “Yea, that’s me.” 

You felt shivers run down your spine as you watched the boy sinisterly smirk. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. How about you join me in the supply closet and show me what everyone’s been talking about.” Your blood ran cold and your face dropped at his inappropriate response; your hands uncontrollably shook under the table, but you tightly clenched your fists, trying your best to remain calm. 

“Fuck off,” was all you said, hoping that would cause him to leave you alone, but he didn’t move an inch. 

Suddenly, the sound of hands roughly slamming the table caught your attention, and you diverted your gaze to the sound, watching as Peter angrily stood up. Rage pulsed through Peter’s veins and he aggressively walked closer to the boy, clenching his fists and his jaw. 

“Leave her alone,” Peter threatened, feeling his muscles tense. The boy’s eyes flashed with fear, but then he rapidly composed himself and began to hysterically laugh, causing the students around them to remain silent. 

The boy rolled his eyes, unamused. “Back off, Parker,” the boy snapped, violently pushing Peter away. A gasp left your lips as you watched Peter slightly stumble; Peter began to shake with rage, but before Peter did something he regretted, you leaped out of your seat, coming in between Peter and the boy. 

“Peter,” you softly whispered, delicately placing your hands on his chest; you felt his heart rapidly beat in his chest. At that moment, all Peter wanted to do was punch the boy until he kept his mouth shut, but as he looked into your eyes, Peter noticed how you were silently pleading him to walk away. The fury in Peter’s eyes disappeared and was now replaced with guilt. His stance grew weaker and he unclenched his fists. 

“Yeah that’s right Parker,” the boy loudly remarked, chuckling, “listen to your fucking whore.” 

Within a second, Peter moved you to the side and collided his fists into the boy’s face, causing him to fall to the floor. The cafeteria was filled with gasps and screams as everyone watched blood trickle down the boy’s nose. Your eyes widened in shock as you stared at Peter, his chest heaving with rage, but before you could pull him away from the scene, the boy angrily stood up and ran to Peter, tackling him to the ground. 

You glanced around with a look of desperation, hoping someone would step in but they all stood there, their phones pulled out from their pockets.

“Peter!” you shouted, about to run and pull the boy off of Peter, but then you felt a tight grip on your shoulder, pulling you backward. It was MJ, she was holding you back. 

“MJ, let go of me!” you shouted in protest, but then her grip got tighter. 

Your heart shattered as you watched in horror the boy landed a hard blow on Peter’s cheek and tears welled up in your eyes; this was your fault.   

“That’s enough!” Mr. Gomez yelled, running towards the boy and pulling him off of Peter’s body; another teacher emerged from the crowd, grabbing Peter by the shoulder and slowly lifting him up. Blood oozed from Peter’s lip, and the side of his cheek was red, already starting to swell up. 

“Everyone get to class, NOW!” Mr. Gomez didn’t have to repeat himself, the students dispersed in a blink of an eye. You felt MJ tug your hand, but you snatched your hand away; you weren’t going to leave Peter.  

Mr. Gomez glared at the boy and then to Peter, “Principal’s office, now.” Peter gave you a sorrowful glance before stumbling to Mrs. Cho’s office with the other teaching following behind. 

- - - - - 

You laid on your bed, staring at the television screen but paying no attention to what was being said; it’s been two days since the fight occurred, and you felt so horrible about what happened. While the boy received a harsher punishment than Peter since he started the fight, Peter was still suspended for two days. 

It’s all your fault, you thought to yourself. 

The guilt that was tearing you apart was the sole reason you decided to stay home and not leave your bed; even though Tony was begging you to go back to school, he didn’t understand the humiliation you were going to endure if you stepped foot onto school property. Now, people were making up horrible rumors as to why Peter and the boy fought; some were saying they were fighting over you, others were saying it was because you were leading both boys on. The rumors continued to be spread and created, and it dawned on you that it was never going to stop. People ever always going to hate you, and there was nothing you could do. 

Maybe they’re right, you whispered. Maybe I should just do everyone a favor and leave. 

You turned up the volume of the television before bringing the blanket closer to your face. Although you were trying your best to ignore the pain, all of your bottled-up emotions began to slowly trickle out until eventually, you broke down. Your body began to shake as tears streamed down your face, but you tightly bit your lip, hoping you could silence your helpless cries. 

From the other side of the door, Peter’s heart shattered as he listened to your gut-wrenching sobs, wishing he could take away your pain; he knew you were blaming yourself for what happened, and it was the reason why he came over to the compound. Peter was going to knock on your down, but then he felt his hands tremble in fear. He felt like such a horrible friend; he should’ve known something was wrong from the very beginning. What if you didn’t want to see him?

Peter closed his eyes, his head resting on the door as he pondered what to do. Even though you might not say it, he knew you needed him this very moment. 

Once you heard a knock on the door, your muscles tensed up. You waited for a short moment, hoping the person behind the door would leave but then you heard a knock again. 

“Please Y/n,” Peter pleaded, “Let me in.” 

The guilt became stronger once you heard Peter’s voice, and your eyes began to water once again. “Leave me alone,” you weakly replied. 

“I’m not leaving until you open the door,” Peter stated. 

You bit your lip, knowing Peter was telling the truth. With hesitation, you stood up and slowly opened the door. Peter felt relieved as he saw the door open, but as he stepped inside, he noticed you had retreated to your bed, pulling the covers over your body. He felt an ache in his chest but then he slowly moved to the corner of your bed, maintaining a well enough distance. The bed dipped due to his weight, but neither of you uttered a word. But, the silence didn’t bother you at all; in fact, you felt at peace, knowing that Peter was right beside you. That relief was immediately gone as you recalled the incident between Peter and the boy; you told Peter to ignore his words, but he didn’t. 

"Why did you hit him?” you bitterly asked underneath the covers, getting Peter’s attention at your sudden comment. You didn’t mean to have a rude tone, but it just came out. 

“What?” Peter responded, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion. 

“You heard what I said,” you spat. “Why did you fucking do that?”

“Because he was saying inappropriate things to you?” Peter said in disbelief, a bit irritated. Were you mad at him for defending you? 

You angrily tossed the blanket off your body, sitting up and glaring at Peter. “You should’ve walked away - but no, you couldn’t even do that.” 

Peter narrowed his eyes at you, “are you serious right now?!” he furiously replied. “I was trying to defend you!” 

“I DIDN’T ASK FOR YOUR HELP!” you screamed in response, now standing up with rage. You watched Peter’s face fall, and you wanted to take back what you said, but you were so angry you couldn’t remain quiet any longer. You closed your eyes, rubbing your head. “I had it under control until you got all defensive. God, Peter, stop trying to act like the hero in every situation.”  

Peter stood up as well, mad but more hurt by your words. “What the hell, Y/n?! Why are you so mad at me?” 

"Because-” you shouted, but then you began to fumble your words. Why were you so angry? “B-because I’m not weak! I can take care of myself, so stop acting like I’m some vulnerable, little girl that needs saving because newsflash, Peter, I’M NOT!” 

Peter let out an exasperated laugh, unable to believe what you were saying. “Well maybe if you FUCKING confided in me, I would believe that you can handle yourself, but you always push me away so how am I supposed to know!?” 

You scoffed at his remark. “I don’t!” you responded, your hands shaking with rage. 

“Oh really?” Peter barked, “then tell me the truth, right now.” You paused, biting your tongue in the process. Silence filled the room. “I know you’re hiding something from me, and I know you don’t want me to find out,” Peter said. 

You crossed your arms over your chest, breaking eye-contact with Peter. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

Peter let out a frustrated groan, pulling his hair in the process. “You’re such a fucking LIAR! Oh my god! You don’t think I’ve noticed?!” Peter yelled in agony, causing your eyes to widen. You’ve never seen him this angry before. 

“Ever since the morning of the locker incident, you’re not the same anymore! Y-you don’t smile as brightly as you do anymore, your eyes don’t shine the way they used to, y-you don’t talk as much. I’m just trying to figure out why, Y/n!” Peter’s vision began to blur with tears as his frustrations began pouring out. He angrily wiped his eyes, hoping you would say something in response but as his eyes went back to you, you remained still and silent. Instead, you plopped yourself on the bed, staring at the floor in shame. Peter dropped his head down, ashamed by the way he reacted, but he also knew you were feeling the same guilt he did. You felt Peter sit beside you, but you didn’t push him away. All of your anger ran out; now, you just feel numb. 

You picked at the skin around your nails, unable to look into Peter’s eyes. “I-I didn’t want to tell you because... b-because the truth is, I’m so embarrassed.” Your voice cracked. 

Peter’s frowned as he heard your fragile voice, but he knew you were having a difficult time saying this out loud. He moved closer until you were centimeters apart. “Of what?” 

Your leg anxiously shook as you mentally debated whether or not you should confess to Peter what’s been happening, but you felt his warm hand on yours. A soft smile formed on your face and you let out a sigh, ready to say the truth. 

“The locker incident wasn’t the only time I’ve been bullied or harassed,” you stated, biting the inside of your cheek. Peter’s eyes widened but he remained quiet. “I’ve also been receiving hateful text messages since last month...”

Peter tightly squeezed your hand as he watched your eyes water once again. “Oh Y/n...” Peter whispered, his heart collapsing in the process, “why didn’t you tell me?” 

You raised your head, wiping your eyes with your sleeve. “I don’t want to bother you with my problems. You have more important things to worry about, and... and I just didn’t want to be a burden.” 

“You’re not a bother to me, and you never will be,” Peter clearly emphasized. 

“I’m sorry for not telling you what was really happening,” you confessed, turning your head to look at Peter. You attempted to smile but it easily crumbled, “and I’m also sorry for yelling at you. Thank you for defending me against that asshole.”

Peter let out a hearted laugh before nodding his head, “of course.” 

You and Peter sat in silence for a long moment, completely comfortable even though neither of you spoke. Peter’s other hand instinctively went around your shoulder and he pulled you into his arms, resting his head on top of yours. 

“I’ll always defend you, Y/n. Until the day I die,” Peter whispered into your hair, rubbing his hand up and down your back. 

Your chin trembled as you repeated Peter’s words over and over in your mind, and you began to softly cry, but it wasn’t a cry of anger nor grief; it was a cry of relief; you’ve been holding this pain for so long, and you were so glad you finally told someone the truth. Peter squeezed his eyes shut as he tightly held your frail body, and after awhile, your breathing got steadier. You knew the hateful rumors weren’t going to stop anytime soon, but now you were certain that you didn’t have to deal with them alone. 

Peter was there for you, and that’s all that mattered.

- - - - - 

To those who’ve been bullied, I want you to know that you are loved and supported. Don’t listen to those who tell you otherwise. You are warriors, and you will never be alone ❤️

[blissfulparker]

Seasick→P.P pt.2

Parings→ peter Parker x reader

Warnings→slowburn, fake dating, fluff

Summary→when you lie to your mom about having a boyfriend before vactation peter steps in to help. But being in a fake relationship isnt as easy as you thought. especially not easy when you two have feelings for one another. 

A/n→ here is part two of seasick! @spectacularlyspidey made me this lovely moodboard, I love Ren 🥰 I hope you guys enjoy it and I’m going to try and post it more often if that is what you guys want💗

Toothbrush, Peter, you need your toothbrush.” May helps him pack. She seemed more excited than peter. Peter placed his clothes into bens old suitcase as if it was a chore. Hes scared, beyond scared. What if your family hates him, what if they think hes less of what they expected, what if they catch on? All the ideas and scenarios ran through his head.

“May, i've got it. I'm 19 not 14.” he reminded her and she pouted. She knew the whole plane, he had nothing to hide from her Anyways.

“You know that you can still say no.” she comes over to run a hand through Peter's hair. She knew when Peter had a crush, she always did. Although normally he'd get scared of going on a field trip with one or a study date, never a summer vacation.

“She needs me to do this. I told her i would and were setting boundaries on the plane so when we get there its not weird.” he told her and she hummed.

“I know you really like her, like more than a friend. I have a tingle too.” she teases and peter scrunches his face. “But think this can be a start, you maybe could start something here.” she kisses his forehead before leaving him in his rom to finish packing. He looks over at his phone to see the time, he sees how you’ll be at his house soon and picking him up for the airport. The airport where you'd meet your family in Florida where you’d go out to sea.

He shuts the suitcase and listens to the sound of it zipping up before flopping on his bed letting the time run out.

-

8 hours, it was an 8 hour flight filled with anxiety and fear. You had both agreed on a list. A list of things to do around your family

-forehead kisses are allowed(kisses on the lips not necessary unless needed)

-holding hands as often as we can

-snuggling up to one another

-going places together like the pool or restaurant

-pet names

-make up stories about each other

-hands always on one another

That was about it. That's all you two had to do and you'd keep it up for a week. Then when the two of you get home things go back to normal. Normal. That word hurt peters ears. Normal meant there were no real feelings and he'd have to let go of you.

“I-i can hold your bags.” he offered as you two got off the plane. He wore his Columbia hoodie with sweats, probably not the best option for landing in Florida but he was so nervous.

You give him a warm smile and nod. You were nervous too, for almost all the same reasons as peter. You wished you could have just taken ned, ned or another friend who was just seen as your friend. Someone you didn't have to think so much about kissing. Someone you didn't have to think about pretending to hold. Someone you didn't have to worry catching feelings for.

“Wait,” you stop him and he looks at you with soft eyes. “My mom is really....touchy. She loves hugging and she might kiss your cheek. It’s nothing to intentionally make you uncomfortable but i'm really sorry in advance.” you warn him.

He nods as from a distance your mom shouts your name. She's wearing a sundress and sandals, ready for a vacation. Your dad is next to her smiling ready to hug you, now he knew it was real. All of it was now real. If your mom and dad intimidated him he was scared to see the rest of your family.

“Oh sweetheart i've missed you so much, ugh New York is such a small yet big state. We wished college did hog you so much.” she kisses your cheeks.

“Mom, dad, this is my boyfriend...Peter, the one I've been telling you about.” you hold his arm and he's already smiling and going in to shake hands. Your mom takes him for a hug and gets pink lipgloss on his cheek.

He sees how much you look like her, the hair, the eyes, the smile that's so contagious, but the personalities are completely different. She was bubbly and happy all over the place while you, you were a little more reserved and only showed the good side to your friends. Save the best parts of you for the best people.

“Ugh i was starting to think she'd never get one, especially not one so handsome and smart.” she holds his arms giving them a squeeze. “Wow he works out too you can really tell.” You quickly take him back before he gets uncomfortable.

“Mom…” you warn and she scoffs.

“Sweetheart, you know I'm teasing. Your sisters are already boarded and waiting so we can leave when you two are ready.” sisters. You never told him about sisters. He didn't even know you had any siblings. He thought you were always an only child. You never talked about any siblings or really family except your mom and dad and occasionally your aunt.

But he can tell by your facial expressions that you were already dreading it more than him, dredging sisters but he didn't know why. He wasn't going to push it either. By the shift in your body he knew it was best to just question when you two were alone.

He willingly followed your family into a cab where you four set off for a week of one of the hardest masks he had to put on, the mask of pretending to love you when he really did but could never tell you.

-

Never being on a cruise ship before he had no idea what to expect. His bare knowledge being the titanic—which did not help his fear of the ocean—even for the smartest kid, normally, he didn’t know much about boats. He never even considered himself to be on one, until last summer he never even thought he’d be in Europe for his senior year of highschool. That’s how he had to think of this, Europe. Semi-relaxing, regular peter, Europe. This was a once and a lifetime opportunity for him to be on a cruise with no Spider-Man activity, No stress, nothing but the sun on his skin.

“So we eat dinner at 7pm, you kids can get all settled in...maybe find yourself at the spa or the pool. Don’t be shy to order room service, ugh the boy is handsome but skinny.” Your mom comments once again. You give her eyes and a groan as you follow her down the hall to your room. “Oh please, you eat too, you're starting to lose your color.” She picks up your arm and you take it back.

He didn’t think the teasing was that bad, sure the appearance comments were too soon but he thought it was all a part of her bubbly personality. May teases all of them to eat when they’re over. May has teased all of them but always in a nice way.

When Peter dated Gwen—his ex girlfriend—last year she was the same. Always telling Peter about his appearance but he never really cared what she had to say. He just really needed someone at the time to move on from you.

“Here is your room, you kids have fun.” She hands you the card and kisses your cheek. “Wear the sundress your sister picked out, don’t be late.” She warned and walked down the hall. Only a few hours in and you wished you would’ve made some crap excuse about having a late final or actually telling the truth.

You two enter the room and Peter is shocked. It’s a gorgeous beach themed room. If he were a child he would already be jumping on the bed and touching everything. You seem to just drop your bags on the floor and immediately go to the bathroom. He leaves you be, taking in the beauty of the room, the California king bed, the wall hung T.V. The view of the ocean that made him slightly nervous but he didn’t mind. There was a dress on the bed, the sundress your mom wanted you to wear.

“Oh fuck.” You rub your face seeing that there’s the one bed. You thought maybe she’d at least use some sense and get two beds, that or a two roomed hotel. “I’m sorry pete, I thought she would maybe get us two rooms or—“

Another thing he seemed to notice was how money didn’t seem to be an issue for your family yet you never seemed to come off as well off. You lived in a small apartment like peter, your clothes were mostly thrifted or old, you ate ramen about three times a week and if it wasn’t that it was cheap pizza. Just like the rest of the group. You never came off as rich, it shocked him to even hear about a cruise, it shocked him even more that you could just say about how they could’ve gotten two rooms on a ship.

“It’s a California king,” he gestures. “We’ll fit without touching each other.” He calms you with a soft smile seeing how stressed you were.

“You’re not too scared of ships are you?” You ask him remembering how he said something about being afraid of the water.

“Well...Uh...no but yes, it makes me nervous but—“ your hand places itself over peters for comfort and he freezes up. You notice and quickly take your hand away.

“It won’t feel like anything trust me, you don’t feel the ship rock or anything. It’s not the titanic.” You reminded him as you picked up your phone and looked at the time. You two had plenty of time to get yourself ready.

“So….” he clasp his hands together and you look over to him. “For dinner how should I act?” He questions. You’re getting comfortable in the bed already while he’s still scared to touch it.

“Just be Peter, um...maybe a hand around my shoulder at one point or hand holding? Just like our list said. Really sell it. They’re gonna ask a lot of questions of how we met and stuff like that but I can do all of them if you want.” You tell him and he nods.

“Right,” he responded thinking the best thing to do was just be peter, the peter you knew, not the peter who was totally in love with you. “Just be peter.”

And that’s all he had to do.

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[parkersbliss]

Toast | P. Parker

pairing: Peter Parker X Female Reader

warnings: no-no words, mean girls, me attempting to write about chemistry class when I have never taken it, inaccurate representations of teacher

wc; 2.5K

synopsis: no matter how many times she tries to ruin your reputation, Peter is always there to save you.

a/n: I got really carried away with this oops??

Masterlist | Taglist | Prompt List

—

It was obvious that Daisy didn't like you. Anyone within a mile radius could tell by the seething glares she gave you. It wasn't like you did anything to provoke her, at least, not that you knew of. As far as you were concerned, she just didn't like you, always trying to get on your nerves somehow, but you were always taught to be kind to everyone and you were, even to Daisy, which was a plus because it pissed her off. She was sweet to all of your friends, especially Peter, in fact, she seemed very interested in Peter. But that wasn't any of your business, and Peter clearly expressed his distaste to her. Which is funny because, if anything, everyone loved Daisy. Boys and girls begged to go on dates with her. And if you didn't like her like that, you probably wanted to be her. Well except you, Peter, Ned, Betty, and MJ.

"I heard she's not actual blonde," Betty gossiped, sitting down next to MJ who snorted at her comment.

"That would explain why her hair looks a bit off."

You didn't make any commentary, shugging you pick up your apple and bite into it. Peter sits down next to you, bumping his shoulder against yours.

"Hi Peter," You said.

"Hi beautiful," He replies, giving you a quick kiss on the cheek. The two of you weren't big on kissing in public, it was just, not weird, but you didn't want to share something like that in front of others.

"Gross," MJ joked, looking up from her book and offering her friends a smile.

"at least I don't suck her face off like every other couple here," Peter said, nodding his head to a random couple that was practically fucking. MJ gags, turning back toward her book and tuning out the world again. Peter wordlessly gives you his hand, knowing you just liked to hold and fidget with it. There were many perks to dating Peter and this was one of them, he just knew. You all sat there talking about the day and upcoming projects when there was a clicking of heels.

"Here comes the demon queen," Betty muttered, rolling her eyes as she excuses herself to throw her lunch away. Ned stifles a laugh at her remark as Daisy approaches Peter.

"Peter!" Daisy exclaimed and you have to try not to die at the sound of her overly enthusiastic voice.

"Hi Daisy," Peter said, not matching her tone. Instead, his voice was monotone, mouth set in a straight line as he greeted the blonde. She makes no notice and ignores the rest of your friends, keeping her focus on Peter. You squeeze his hand softly and he squeezes back in reassurance.

"Did you want something?" He asked, the faintest hint of annoyance in his voice. Daisy smiles, twisting a lock of her blonde (well, maybe not blonde) hair around her finger and batting her eyelashes at Peter, "No, I just wanted to talk with you. As friends." She glances at you gauging for your reaction, but you make none. She frowns, only for a second, before squeezing between you and Peter, practically shoving you off your seat.

"Sorry, didn't see you there," Daisy grins.

You smile at her, knowing very well she was just trying to get you to snap, "It's okay!" You said, making sure you sounded extra cheery and not all bothered. "I should get to Calc anyway! I'll meet you there, Peter?"

Peter nods his head and you pick up your lunch, tossing the remains into the trash before exiting the room, leaving Daisy fuming.

...

"How do you do it, Peter?" You ask breathlessly. You wanted to collapse, body feeling like it was going to shut down at any minute. And somehow Peter was still going at it, was he even sweating? Your boyfriend laughs, slowing down the smallest bit.

You whine, "Peter, seriously, I can't take this!"

Peter stops, crossing his arms over his chest as he waits for you to catch up with him.

"You're so dramatic, baby," He said, bumping you.

"Oh I'm sorry, Peter, but some of us don't have freaking superpowers!" You huffed, finally catching your breath. MJ jogs past you guys, sticking out her tongue, "Slowpokes!"

Peter rolls his eyes, "That's just because (Y/N) here can't take it."

"You're right, I can't. You might as well carry me," You sigh dramatically, putting a hand to your forehead and pretending to collapse.

Peter fake gasps, getting down on his knees next to you, "Oh no, whatever shall I do?"

"I can't go any further, you must carry me!"

Peter laughs beside you, "Oh my poor baby."

"Indeed, very poor." You stick out your bottom lip, forming a pout.

The P.E teacher blows their whistle, pointing at the two of you and you both scramble to get up and start jogging again. You maintain a steady pace this time, Peter slowing down enough to stay by your side. Your hands occasionally brush together from your proximity. Eventually, you get fed up with it and just grab his hand, making Peter blush. You continue to run, too caught up in the way your footsteps fall in perfect sync together, hands swinging beside each other, too notice a foot stuck in the middle of your path. Your legs fall out from beneath you and Peter grips your hand a bit tighter, trying to pull you back towards him, but instead trips himself and loses his grip on you. The pavement smacks down on your skin and you hiss at the feeling of torn skin.

"Shit, shit, shit," Peter panics, crouching beside you. "Are you okay? That was a dumb question, you're bleeding. Okay, do you think you broke anything?"

You shake your head no, looking up to see the source of the foot, you're not surprised when you see Daisy. Peter follows your gaze, looking at the blonde, she notices.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't see you there," She said.

Peter's gaze hardens, "Yeah right, Daisy."

"What do you mean?"

"You obviously did it on purpose," Peter calls her out, a bit fed up with the way she treats his girlfriend. You rest an arm on his bicep, a silent reminder that it was okay. He turns toward you and you give him a reassuring smile, "Whatever, Daisy. Just get the coach, please."

She scoffs, giving you a dirty look, but leaving to retrieve the teacher.

"You shouldn't let her treat you like that, babe," Peter said, sweeping a few strands of hair out of your face.

"It's fine, plus, now I get to have you carry me bridal style to the infirmary."

Peter chuckles, picking you up in his arms, "lucky girl, you are."

"The luckiest."

...

Peter scribbled down the equation from the board into his notebook, glancing back up to make sure it was correct.

"Tell me it again," You said, leaning over his shoulder to read the instructions. Peter repeats the chemical mixture to you and you count the tubes and check there labels, ensuring you had everything.

"Okay, yup, we have all the ingredients."

Peter gives you a small smile, "let's get started then." He picks up the first chemical, checking the label, before pouring it into the small beaker. You step back letting your boyfriend do the work because the last time you tried it you almost burnt your hand. Peter grabs two more tubes, mixing them before lifting the glass beaker and inspecting it. The mixture is a bright purple color like the instructions said it would be.

"Does it look purple to you, babe?" Peter asked.

"No, Parker, it looks fucking green," you said. Peter rolls his eyes, sticking his tongue out at you. "God, you're so helpful. I don't know what I'd do without you."

You give Peter an innocent smile, "You'd be a mess."

"Says the one that almost burnt her hand the last time we did a lab."

"It was one time."

"Don't forget the toast."

"Do not bring my toast into this Parker."

You two stare at each other for a minute before bursting out laughing, causing the entire classroom to look at the two of you, haunched over in laughter. Peter catching his breath only to look back up at you, your face scrunched in laughter and doubling over again. Your teacher coughs loudly and you both try to hold in your giggles.

"Care to explain what's so funny?"

"Toast!" You blurt out, throwing you and Peter into another fit of laughter.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Peter said, "we're almost finished, I swear."

Your teacher only nods, knowing you and Peter were very trustworthy students. Just young and in love. You and Peter finally compose yourselves, Peter giggling as he picks up the beaker and places it carefully above the burner. The mixture bubbles a bit, while Peter using a gloved hand, scans his notes for further directions.

"It says here to-"

"(Y/N)!" A high pitched voice yells, making you sigh quietly. Peter notices your face and finds your hand, squeezing it lightly. You turn around, painting on a somewhat smile, "Yeah Daisy?"

She glances down at her feet, shuffling them a bit, "Look I know we're not friends, but I could really use help on this lab and you're really smart?"

Peter's head peeks over your shoulder, his hand discreetly pulling you against him as he pecks your shoulder, "She seems serious."

You hum lightly, removing his hands from your waist, which Daisy takes no notice of as she's too busy pretending her heels are much more interesting.

"I'll help."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Daisy smiles at you and leads you over to her table, leaving Peter to complete the lab himself, but it's not like you were doing anything other than keeping him entertained. You glance at your notes, gathering the proper ingredients, and helping Daisy to mix them. Surprisingly, she's nice towards you, her normal hostile personality disappearing. You turn around after mixing the last ingredients into the beaker, scanning your notes for further instructions.

"Give a good shake," You mumble to yourself. Unbeknownst to you, when your back is turned Daisy drops another chemical into the beaker, a small sizzling sound coming from it, causing you to turn around, "What was that?"

"Just one of the other bunsen burners, we shake the mixture and then heat it, right?"

You nod your head, opening your mouth to give her further instructions when Peter crosses over.

"Hey guys," He said.

"Hi," You reply, turning to face him and missing the way Daisy rolls her eyes. "we were just about to start shaking and then heating it."

Peter nods, "Don't let me interrupt you two."

"You can start shaking Daisy," You offer, but she shakes her head and passes you the beaker.

"I'm good, thanks."

You shrug and begin to gently swirl the mixture, rotating your wrist in a counter-clockwise motion. When nothing happens, you set it down on the counter to turn on the burner. You let it heat up for a bit before reaching to grab the beaker when Peter stops you.

"Wait," He whispered. You give him a quizzical look and he motions towards the bubbles forming in your mixture.

"Did you mix this enough?" Daisy asked, approaching the beaker.

"Yeah, I di-"

She scoffs, sharply cutting you off, "No, you didn't. I should've done it myself." She picks up the beaker, doing the same motion with her wrist but a little more aggressive.

"Daisy that's not a very good idea," You warn.

"Why? Just give it a few more seconds and then I'll hand it to you."

"Daisy I don't-"

"God, do you ever shut up?" She asked, annoyed. You take a step back, frowning at her outburst, but you knew her better. Peter grabs your waist pulling you back toward him.

"Stupid mixture," Daisy mumbled, looking into the beaker when suddenly it erupts dousing her in bright purple foam. She screams, dropping the beaker on the ground, spraying the rest of the mix all over the floor.

"Oh my god," You said, covering your mouth.

Daisy stomps her foot on the ground, the liquid splashing as she wipes the foam from her face.

"You bitch!" She snarls, stalking toward you.

"I didn't-"

"You knew what I did!"

Your eyebrows pinch together, "I- what? No, I was trying to tell you it was going to explode."

"You knew I spiked the mixture so you made sure I'd end up with it!"

"You did what?"

Daisy shrieks again, "why are you always messing up my plans? Can't something bad happen to you once!"

Peter steps in front of you, pushing you behind him.

"Don't talk to her like that."

Daisy's eyes burn into Peter and she smirks, "You know she likes you right? She has this huge crush on you, It's painfully obvious. God, I feel so bad for her."

You and Peter both look at each other before he turns back toward a fuming Daisy, "I sure hope so, otherwise this would be really awkward."

"What?" She asked stupidly.

"It would be kind of weird if my girlfriend didn't like me," Peter shrugs, a smile playing on his lips.

Dasiy clenches and unclenches her jaw at that, "You're dating?"

Peter nods grabbing your hand in his, "didn't you know? After all, it was painfully obvious." He mocked her.

Daisy clicks her tongue, turning away from you both.

"Miss Lockwood, care to explain?" The teacher inquires.

"Ask them," She sassed, giving you and Peter a dirty look and stomping out of the room, but not before she slips. Her feet fly into the air as she lands in her mess, making her cry out in frustration.

"Oh for fuck's sake!" She screamed. The teacher gave her a cold look to which she replied, "Detention, Detention, I know." Before finally exiting the room.

...

"No way!" Betty exclaimed as you and Peter told her what had gone down in chemistry yesterday.

"Karma's a real bitch," MJ laughed, for once not having a book in her face.

You all laugh with her as Peter slings an arm around your shoulder, pulling you against him, "At least she doesn't bother my girl here anymore, all she does is give us pathetic glares."

You slap Peter's chest and he lets out a small ow, rubbing the area.

"Be nice!" You hiss.

"After all the shit she put you through, I think I'm being quite polite with my comment."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night."

"It's normally your kisses."

"Ew Peter!" You said, pushing him away from you.

Peter purses his lips out, "C'mon, let me kiss you!"

"No way mister!"

"Kiss her! Kiss her!" Ned, Betty, and MJ chant.

You roll your eyes at their childish antics, "You're not helping."

"Not trying too," Ned replied.

Peter takes the chance to gently cup your face and press a kiss to your lips. Much to your dismay, you kiss back, hands flying to the back of his neck as his lips press against yours.

"You're gross," You said after he pulled away, crossing your arms over your chest and sticking your tongue out at him.

Peter chuckles, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek as you break into a grin, cheeks on fire.

"Love you too baby."

— END —

🏷 Peter Parker Taglist: @theolwebshooter @thegirlwiththeimpala @multi-universe21 @honeybittersweet @bibbidibobbidibarnes @abitofeverythinggg @cams-lynn @runway-to-my-aid @peterspideyy @yoinkyourheart @t-monosapiens-h @throughparisallthroughrome @hollandsamor @starlight-starks @quaksonhehe @keenmarvellover @ducks

Strickthrough- unable to tag you

[strawberrysoup]

Let’s Review || Chapter 20

Peter Parker knew that his big sister would do anything for him to be safe and happy. She’d given up everything for him twice over already and would do it again in a heartbeat. And that’s why, when the criminal mastermind Tony Stark started inextricably following him around, he didn’t say a word. Because he knew without a doubt Penny would do whatever she had to if it meant keeping Peter safe. He had to protect her, just like she always protected him. He never considered what would happen if Stark decided both Parker siblings were worth taking. Never considered who else in Stark’s inner circle would agree. He just wanted to protect her and yet somehow, they both ended up with needles in their necks.

relationship: Steve Rogers/Original Female Character/Bucky Barnes, background Peter Parker/Tony Stark rating: Explicit warnings: Dark Steve Rogers, Dark Bucky Barnes, Dark Tony Stark, Dark Avengers, kidnapping, non-consensual&dark sexual situations, underage Peter Parker, emotional and psychological abuse, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat more warnings: i’m going to start including detailed warnings to the very ends of chapters in order to avoid ruining the shock factor in chapters while still being mindful of potential individual triggers. open the read more, CTRL + F and search “content warnings” to skip to the extra tags if you so choose.

There was a difference in the air when people like Steve and Bucky were around. Penny had never really noticed it on the soldiers, she’d been too preoccupied at first. The way the air settled around them was just different and it took being in a room with them with normal people for more than thirty minutes for her to notice (Tony didn’t count. Penny could barely breathe when Tony was in the room, not while she actively panicked over the wellbeing of the Most Important Person in Her Entire Life, let alone notice anything so subtle.) Sam and Clint were regular dudes, there was nothing in their aura that made her lizard brain stand at attention. But Thor? He had the same offsetting crackle that almost seemed to jump off his skin. She might not have even noticed it on the soldiers if it weren’t for the juxtaposition between them and the regular humans, the similarities seen in Thor.

It was uncomfortable. The men refused to acknowledge it, but discomfort choked up Penny’s spine as they all milled around the living room. They were supposedly there to help the soldiers pack up the apartment, to get them ready to leave. Leave. Leave the tower, leave New York, leave Peter. She was barely moving, even as they brushed past her carrying boxes.

“I’m just about to order dinner, is there anything you want doll?” Steve came up behind her and gently slipped his arm around her waist, tugging her back into his chest, “it’ll be pizza for the rest of us.”

A small shiver ran over her when his hand slipped under the hem of her shirt, fingers brushing the skin of her stomach, “kosher?”

“We can hunt down a kosher joint,” the blond’s Brooklyn accent was strong, lips brushing the top of her ear, “how d’you like it?”

The mundane conversations still turned her stomach most of the time and she swallowed heavily before listing several options she’d be happy with, listening to him hum against her ear. Every one of the guys shouted out their preferences as well, as if they’d been waiting for the exact second Penny had finished with her request. Watching Sam half tackle Clint into the couch while arguing Hawaiian pizza was triggering something in the back of her mind, Peter and Ned roughhousing in the apartment while she cooked dinner. She could practically hear MJ’s scoff.

“Can I have a pack of cigarettes?” She asked quietly enough that the soldier could’ve pretended not to hear, but somehow Thor had picked up on it.

“Cigarettes?” She wasn’t sure if the giant of a man realized how patronizing his tone was but she immediately bristled.

“Baby doll, we’ve talked about this,” Steve sighed, turning her in his arms to face him, “cigarettes are a dirty habit, not something a sweet girl should be indulging in.”

It was one of the few things they’d denied her in the early weeks that she continued to ask for. She wasn’t sure why it was so important, she didn’t generally even crave cigarettes, but it mattered. It mattered that they refused her one of the only coping mechanisms she could think of. And honestly it pissed her the fuck off.

Clint snorted from his position next to the yarn shelf, “so you cut her off cold turkey and now you’re wondering why she’s a nightmare?”

Sam barked a laugh, looking less than apologetic even when Bucky and Steve turned their glares on him. The two humans, Penny knew they were humans and the others were something else, exchanged eye rolls while Steve carefully grasped her chin and tilted her head back. Penny’s lungs seized momentarily—it was unsettling, for multiple reasons, to have the entirety of his attention focused on her. In part it was because, honestly, he was so breath takingly pretty and it was a shock every time. There was also an uncanny light in his eyes though, something knowledgeable. It was like staring into the sun and her anger was swept away by a surging nervousness.

“I don’t wanna hear any more about cigarettes, okay?” His thumb gently brushed over her jaw, “it’ll only be hard for a little while longer and then you won’t even want them anymore.”

Somewhere behind her ribs, her heart pounded in irritation but it was masked by the pressure in her lungs. She wanted to be angry, it would’ve been easier to be angry. Instead she dropped her eyes and nodded, trying to tug her chin from his grasp.

“Awh baby, don’t pout. You know we just want what’s best for you,” the hand not on her face trailed down her back, coming to rest on the lower curve of her ass with a careful and deliberate squeeze, “go with Bucky and pack any of the clothes you want to bring with us. Not too many, okay? Just your favorites.”

Penny immediately turned in an attempt to get out of his arms, the opportunity to escape his grasp too good to pass up. Her eyes landed on Bucky, who was murmuring something to Sam. Both had their heads ducked together, speaking in hushed tones. When they clasped hands, Penny could’ve sworn she saw something exchanged between the pair that Sam immediately tucked into his pocket. Sneaky bastards.

Bucky didn’t give her half a second to consider it before he swept her down the hall and into the bedroom, closing the door behind them. Her entire body froze up at the sound of the lock, knowing that it was more to keep her from getting out than prevent someone from getting in. Penny’s arms crossed, fingers digging into her own skin roughly as a tremble tried to race through her stomach. It was a curious sensation, an icy nervousness down her spine fighting a hot lick of arousal from between her legs. She’d argue it was a Pavlovian response, the soldiers had been eating her out on the daily since Steve had done it the first time, but Penny had also been horny as fuck for days and they’d noticed. If they even looked at her too hard she had to rub her legs together.

“Penny doll, you’re so uncomfortable,” Bucky wrapped tightly around her from behind, one hand slipping under her shirt to rest on her stomach while the other came up to run over her hair, “you don’t have to be nervous around our friends. Everything is okay, you’re okay, precious. Maybe you’re just antsy, huh baby? Come over by the bed and get on your knees.”

The cold anxiety almost won out as Bucky pulled her to the bedside, grabbing a pillow to drop on the ground in front of his feet, “on your knees, don’t make me ask again.”

She winced, both at the implication of a punishment if she didn’t do as asked and the memory of the last time Bucky wanted a blow job. Her throat had been sore for days and even as she did get down onto her knees, she wondered if having a sore ass might be preferable. It didn’t matter anyway, because Bucky had already shoved his jeans down to free himself.

“I don’t want to,” it came out whinier than she intended, potentially whinier than she’d ever sounded in her life and she almost slapped a hand over her mouth; Penny hadn’t been immature since she was 13 years old, but she sounded like a petulant child.

There was no way she could’ve noticed how Bucky almost got light headed from how hard his cock throbbed at her bratty little tone. He dropped a hand to the top of her head, digging his fingers into her curly hair and directing her neck to arch back so he could catch her eyes. A pouty baby, fidgeting on a pillow while his cock dangled not five inches in front of her face.

“Open your mouth, baby doll,” he ordered inching further, running his hand down the length of his cock, “maybe a snack before dinner will calm you down.”

The head pressed against her lips and she clenched her teeth for several seconds before forcing her jaw to drop. Bucky’s responding groan went straight to her cunt, thighs nearly trying to close in search of friction. She barely had time to consider the implications before he started moving, cupping her lower jaw in one hand while the other palmed the back of her head. He was being more gentle than the first time, still holding her head in place while thrusting into her mouth, but he wasn’t jamming it down her throat.

“You do so well, precious,” he murmured, sounding almost short of breath, “you take my cock so well.”

Penny should’ve knocked on wood, because the next thing she knew her nose was pressed to his pelvis and his dick was visible in her throat. The hand on the back of her head easily held her in place when she tried to jerk back, fingers rubbing gently against her skull. She might’ve puked when he pulled back if he hadn’t have driven his whole cock back in her mouth so fast she didn’t have a chance. Bucky nearly blew his whole load at the desperate little noises she made, her eyes meeting his while tears streamed down her cheeks, but he wanted to make it last.

He pulled back, the tip of his cock sitting on her lower lip, “you wanna be in control baby? I’ll let you, but you need to do a good job or I’m gonna wreck your pretty throat, understand?”

It had been a long time since Penny had given a blowjob (of her own volition, of course, a horrible thing to think) and it took her a long second before she brought a trembling hand up to grasp his cock. Her fingers just barely couldn’t meet around the girth and she realized there was a good reason her lips felt so sore. His hands rested on the back of her head, it wasn’t intentionally threatening but all she could think of was him deciding she wasn’t doing well and shoving it back down her throat. Bucky moaned as she took the head into her mouth, tongue laving over his skin. She wasn’t sure she’d ever really learned to give a good blow job, but fuck if she wasn’t gonna do her best.

“That’s a good girl, I want you to take it in your throat and swallow around it,” Bucky shuffled forward again, capturing all of her hair into a ponytail, “you take as much as you can, you understand?”

Penny nodded as much as possible, anxiety tightening her chest as she inhaled deeply through her nose before attempting to take as much of his cock into her mouth as she could manage. A firm hand continued to press her down when she hesitated and gagged, Bucky cooing above her—a little more baby, take a little more, a little more, keep going.

“Don’t gag baby, swallow,” a choked sound escaped his chest when she did as ordered, desperately swallowing around his cock while he held her in place, “as long as you can, hold it. You be good and I’ll cum in your mouth instead of down your throat.”

Was that any better? She wasn’t sure, could barely think as her vision started to blur. It would mean less time with that massive cock blocking her airway. She knew her thighs were trembling though, knew her pussy was dripping. Her body was betraying her the same way it had been all week and he’d know, as soon as he finished in her mouth she knew he’d check her panties. It was never taunting, the way they crooned at her when they saw how wet she was, but it was humiliating regardless.

He pulled her back just before she realized she was about to pass out, pressing her cheek against his hip bone while she gasped for breath and he wrapped his metal hand about his cock, jerking it quickly, “that’s a good girl, deep breaths. I’m gonna cum in your pretty mouth and I want you to hold it there, understand? You don’t swallow until I tell you.”

Bucky was loud. He moaned and gasped and grunted, pulling her hair and squeezing her skin tight enough to leave bruises whenever he came. This time was no different, his chest heaving as he groaned, his flesh hand squeezing her jaw hard enough to force her mouth to stay open. There was no warning before the first spurt of cum shot towards the back of her throat and she almost gagged, forcing it to pool in her mouth instead of swallowing.

Neither of them noticed the sound of the lock breaking as Steve twisted the knob and slipped inside, closing the door quietly behind him. He’d been listening from the living room, getting harder and harder as the desperate little noises came from Penny. Clint had excused himself at the first sound of Penny choking on Bucky’s cock, a grin on his face as he went. Sam and Thor hung around, the pair lounging around in the living room in quiet amusement while Steve dipped out.

“Give her a nice big mouthful Buck, it’s gonna be an hour before the pizza gets here,” the blond’s words finally caught Penny’s attention and her eyes rolled in his direction, tearful and wide, “keep her tummy full.”

Penny was trying to stay up right, holding tightly to Bucky’s jeans while breathing heavily through her nose. She could’ve sworn it had been an hour, her mouth was pooling with cum and when he slipped his thumb between her lips and stroked her tongue, she realized he’d finally finished.

“Oh baby doll, you look so pretty with your mouth full. Stevie, come here, look,” Bucky was still holding her jaw and Penny forced herself not to heave, the breaths she took through her nose not nearly enough as her body continued to pump adrenaline through her system.

“Precious,” Steve cooed, dropping onto his knees next to her, one hand going to the back of her neck while the other sunk into the front of her shorts, “are you wet for us? Awh, you are. That little pussy is gushing for us, Buck.”

“Swallow my cum and we’ll eat your pussy,” Bucky stroked his hand down her hair, eyes locking onto hers as she looked up at him desperately, “quick now baby, we’ve got guests remember?”

The tears that had been gathering in her eyes fell at that, the reminder that there was a very good chance the guys in the living room had just heard her choking and gagging on their friend’s dick. His hand guided her mouth shut and she whimpered for several long seconds before finally managing to swallow. Steve pressed his lips to hers when she squeezed her eyes shut, half a sob getting trapped in her chest.

“You’ve been so good, baby doll,” the blond pressed to his feet with her still in his arms, forcing her to stand on unsteady legs while he slipped her shorts and panties down her legs, “stand here precious, just like this. It’s time for your reward.” 

“One leg up,” Bucky murmured from behind her, his lips brushing against her shoulder while lifting her left leg all the way up onto the bed, “nice and wide for us.” 

Steve went back to his knees, groaning at how slick her cunt was, the moisture coating her pussy and her pretty thighs. He’d never get tired of eating her out, not while he still breathed. His mouth latched onto her clit immediately and she whined, slapping a hand over her mouth instinctively. 

“No way baby doll,” Bucky grabbed her wrist and dragged her hand down, “I want our friends to hear how well Stevie eats your pussy. I bet we can make you squeal, huh baby? I bet I know something that’ll make you get nice and loud.” 

He held fast at her waist even as he dropped to his knees behind her, a tight grasp that would leave bruises. She couldn’t even think to move away, even as Steve’s shoulders wedged between her thighs and precariously trapped her by throwing off her balance without leaning into him. The blond’s arms wrapped around her thighs, hands landing sharply on her ass cheeks. It drew a squeak from her, followed by a cry when he pulled her cheeks apart and something very wet probed at her asshole. She would’ve gone up onto her tiptoes if she could, anything to escape Bucky’s slick mouth. 

“Oh G-God, no! Don’t!” The brunet’s hands tightened further on her hips, Steve’s doing the same on her still slightly bruised ass to keep her in place when she started to squirm. 

“You’re so cute precious,” Steve crooned from between her legs, “nobody’s ever touched your asshole before have they? We’ll get you nice and broke in before you take a cock back there. Buck’s real good at eating ass, huh? The way your pussy is gushing tells me you like it.” 

It wasn’t Penny’s fault, she couldn’t help how her body responded, but she was gonna cum. Especially when Steve pressed two fingers up into her cunt and started furiously rubbing away at her g-spot. A screech escaped her at the sensation, especially when it was followed directly by two metal fingers forcing their way into her asshole. The stretch was a painful burn but her toes curled, Steve’s tongue lapping at her clit and she wailed at the combination of sensations. 

“There you go baby doll, that’s it, cum with my fingers up your ass,” Bucky growled, “we’ll get you to a point you can’t cum unless you have something in your little asshole.” 

“N-No!” Penny hiccuped, unsure if she was crying in humiliation or pain or because her need to cum was unbearable. 

“Yeah precious,” Steve scissored his fingers while Bucky’s mouth descended once again, drawing a cry from their doll at the sensation, “we’ll train you up so good, Penny doll.” 

The orgasm took her out at the knees, literally, when Steve’s lips returned to her clit. She would’ve collapsed, screaming, had Bucky not shot to his feet to stabilize her. He held her in place while Steve continued to draw out her orgasm, until the hypersensitivity set in. Her entire body trembled, jerking away from the blond’s persistent mouth as he continued to work her over. It wasn’t until she was a babbling mess that he finally pulled away and stood back up, pressing the fingers that had been in her pussy into her mouth. 

“I don’t know why we bother with clothes,” Bucky sighed from behind her, shifting her weight to lay her up against Steve’s chest while he went to work readjusting his pants, “tedious. Here’s your shorts back precious.” 

Penny shivered slightly, quickly noticing that her underwear weren’t being replaced and that there had been no mention of her cleaning up before redressing. They were going to make her go back out there with her own arousal coating her thighs and cum dampening the crotch of her shorts. She obediently lifted her feet when instructed, feeling the silky material drag up her legs and whining when Bucky pulled them too high on her waist, pulling the gullet through the mess between her thighs. 

“Now, let’s get back to the guys,” Steve patted her pussy through her shorts before nodding to Bucky, “Clint’s probably back by now. Pizza should be here in another half hour or so.” 

It was more than a walk of shame going into the living room. Her hair felt frizzy, her skin was overheated and sticky and she smelled like cum. She could still taste Bucky’s in her mouth, stuck to her teeth. 

Thor, Clint, and Sam were splayed out over the couches when they returned, chatting about football while ESPN played on the TV. It was a shoddy ruse that Penny could see through immediately; they were pretending to act casual, but the smirks on their faces betrayed their amusement. They’d absolutely heard everything and Penny felt her cheeks darken in humiliation. 

Knowing her thighs were visibly sticky hurt in a special way. It meant they could tell she’d come, if her screaming hadn’t been a dead giveaway. The way her shorts stuck to her crotch showed she’d liked it. She had to actively try not to cry as Steve pulled her down into his lap on the couch, tucking her into his chest. None of them were looking at her but it felt like they were and she wanted to curl into a ball and hide. 

She just barely noticed the way Bucky had canted his head towards Clint, how the blond had reciprocated the motion and was listening intently to whatever the soldier was saying. It raised the hairs on the back of her neck slightly, suspicion racing through her. There was no telling what was going on but she could only assume it wasn’t going to be great for her. 

“Can I go to the kitchen?” Penny only raised her voice enough that Steve could hear her, maybe Bucky. 

“Why baby, you hungry?” The implication lit her cheeks and she shook her head immediately, scowling in frustration while the blond chuckled and pet her hair. 

“Tea,” the word was ground through her teeth and Steve hummed. 

“Gimme a kiss first baby doll.” 

She wanted to scream in his face, or curse or something. Every inch of her was barely restrained chaos and in that moment she felt every molecule of her body vibrate with the impulsive desire to smash her forehead into his nose. She wondered how effective it would be. Instead Penny sat upright and pressed her lips to his carefully, giving him the bare minimum of cooperation to be released. Steve’s tongue swept into her mouth, despite her attempts to keep it chaste. When he finally let up she was quick to slip out of his lap, skirting carefully around the couch before she could be reeled back in. 

You hungry? Her clit had throbbed immediately at the jab and she ogled at the fact she could possibly be horny in such a desolate situation. What kind of freak was she? Penny had to brace her weight against the counter, inhaling shakily. She must’ve been about to start her period, one of the few she got per year due to the implant. She always got super horny right before she had a period. There was no other explanation. Instinctively she reached around to run her thumb over the device, freezing in place when she couldn’t find the raised skin. 

Immediately she panicked that the implant had migrated; it was something they warned about, the possibility, but it was supposed to be such a small chance. She was going to need an x-ray, they might have to do surgery. Her panic was disrupted by pain, a hiss slipping from between her teeth when her thumb pressed into a tender spot. There had been painful spots on her arms for the last week, since they’d put her under anesthesia and given her a whole array of shots while also taking blood. She’d freaked out over the needle marks days ago but had mostly moved past it, not thinking any more of the pains. 

Evidently that was a mistake. She skirted over to where the toaster sat, the most reflective surface in the kitchen. It took a good bit of maneuvering before she managed to get the angle right, dark eyes going wide at the sight of a thin, short red incision. Not a needle mark, an incision. 

“What the fuck?” She gasped, dropping the toaster back onto the counter and grasping desperately at the marble behind her to keep herself up right, “fuck!” 

“Penny doll, what’s the matter?” Steve materialized in the kitchen like a fucking wraith and Penny found herself with a split-second decision— rage out or conceal don’t feel.

His eyes were dead set on her face, the same hair raising level of attention he’d laid her out with earlier. Her implant was gone. They’d taken it out of her arm without her consent, without her knowledge. It was like waking up the morning after they drugged her all over again, the sudden overwhelming flood of helplessness. Nothing was hers. Nothing was beyond their reach, their control. Penny’s chest heaved in shock and disbelief. How could it just continue to get worse? How could there possibly be something horrible around every corner, a worse obstacle, a more painful fall.

“Come on precious, talk to me,” Steve bracketed her with his arms, hands coming to rest on the counter next to hers, “what’s going on in your head?”

Her eyelashes fluttered, teeth grinding as she carefully considered her response, “my birth control. It’s gone.”

Blue eyes bounced between hers with caution, one hand coming up to cup the side of her face, “you don’t need that anymore, baby doll. You’re in a committed relationship, Bucky and I are ready to start a family whenever it happens.”

A slow tremble of sheer rage slipped its way down her spine, dripping over every vertebra and flowing along her nerves like fire. Whenever it happened. When. They were making fucking plans, the rat bastards.

“Penny, I want you to listen to me for the next minute,” his hand tightened on the side of her face with careful, deliberate pressure, “We’re leaving in the morning. Tonight, you’re getting to say goodbye to Peter. If you decide to have a fit right now and earn yourself a punishment, when do you think you’ll be able to say goodbye?”

His words did nothing but stoke the fire, “you’d take that away from me? After you’ve taken everything else? Every fucking thing I had, you’ve destroyed it. F-From my independence to my fucking dignity. Why are you doing this?”

The look on his face was some cross between stern and mean but Penny refused to back down, even when he seemed to grow more intimidating in the momentary silence, “weren’t you tired, baby? The way you lived, do you really miss that? You worked every day of your life, you barely saw Peter. You could never have friends, the one time you put yourself out there and tried to date you were hurt. Do you understand, Penny doll? We are saving you. Everything we take, its for your own good. I know it’s so hard for you, to give up your control, but you don’t need it anymore. You have self-destructive tendencies, you’re codependent on your brother, your life was spiraling. You can’t be trusted with your own health and safety. That’s what we’re here for now.”

“You had no right—!”

“I don’t need an invitation to save a life, Penny,” he bent over slightly, pressing a hard kiss to her forehead, “now, you need to make a decision. Are you going to be a good girl and calm down for me so you can see Peter this evening or are you going to go to bed with a spanked ass and not see him until we get back?”

Penny shook with restrained fury, fists closing tightly but she only brought them tighter into her chest instead of lashing out. Her lips trembled and without warning she screamed, loud and long and full of anger. Steve didn’t look bothered, his fingers gently stroked her face even when she shook her head, almost violently. He just steadied her, barely glancing towards the entry way to the kitchen in time to see Sam step in. Penny quieted just in time for a massive crash to come from the living, Steve sighing heavily under his breath.

“Sam, can you please stay with Penny for a minute?” The blond didn’t wait for an answer before stalking out of the kitchen, “what did you do Thor?”

“It was Barton!”

Penny was left shaking, leaning against the counter for support. Sam gave her a long glance before sighing, his eyes darting quickly to the doorway to the kitchen before he stepped forward.

“Look, I know this is a rough time for you,” he could see she wanted to spit in his face, the desire almost radiating from her pores, “hey, just listen okay. I heard earlier, Cap’s givin’ you trouble about cigarettes, right? Look, I’ve got a half-smoked pack you’re welcome to, if you think it’s gonna help.”

He dug into his back pocket and pulled out a half-crushed pack of camels, lifting the top to show it was still mostly full with a plain red lighter tucked inside. Instead of getting any closer to her, he tossed the pack onto the counter next to her before taking a step back. Her eyes trailed his face for several seconds, waiting for the other shoe to drop, for some sort of condition or trade. Sam looked sincere though, his face kind and sympathetic. He and Thor were more guys she was saddened by; they could’ve been friends probably, in another life.

“…Thanks,” she murmured, grabbing the package carefully and tucking it into the waistband of her shorts, “a lot.”

“You’re welcome sweet thing,” a crooked grin came over his lips and his head tilted slightly, “you don’t tell the soldiers where you got those, you understand?”

“Secret’s safe with me, Sam,” Penny’s chest ached, the unobtainable friendship lingering just out of reach, not bothering with the obvious response— who could I possibly tell?

“Well, I guess we’re not watching any movies here tonight,” Steve grunted as he walked back into the kitchen, “Barton just knocked the TV off the wall trying to get one of the cats down from the window ledge. Penny, go change and we’ll go up to the common floor.”

Penny didn’t hesitate, darting out of the kitchen before the blond could grab her and shuffling quickly into the bedroom. The pack of cigarettes was tucked into a pair of knitted wool socks, wrapped in one of her favorite shirts. Things she’d definitely be bringing with when they moved her, things they wouldn’t think to check for contraband.

It wasn’t really a win, but Penny hadn’t had a real win in a while. Probably wouldn’t have one for longer. So she decided to call the more than half full pack of camels a win, if only because it might’ve been the closest she’d ever get again.

content warnings: non-con oral (male and female receiving), anal play, cum eating.

[youngbugandtonystank]

I think Peter has a great development in FFH, and one that people sadly go through in the real world: struggling with grief but realizing life goes on. You suggested you analyze Peter’s grief in FFH and I would love that, emotional as it is, it’s inspiring for people going through the same thing. Please do it! Thanks

Hi!

I was going to do the Happy one first but I’ve been wanting to do this one for a while, so I’m going to start with this analysis. Hope you guys don’t mind. Also, I’m sure they were more asks about the FFH one and I’m sorry if I didn’t include yours in the list but my inbox is a mess right now, so I apologize. 

As an expert-master of grief that I am lol I think I really can read Peter pretty well in this movie, one of the reasons I was avoiding this analysis was because it’s too painful for me hahaha, it hits close to home. 

Now, let’s track this down. Peter is just a kid but this kid has been through so much, it’s painful. Peter lost his parents and was sent to live with his aunt and uncle, then he, unfortunately, had to see his father figure; Ben Parker, die in front of him and the result of that gave him a sense of responsibility for the rest of his life: 

‘When you can do the things that I can, but you don't, and then the bad things happen, they happen because of you.‘

He's always walking around with a ton of traumatic and painful memories. 

Let’s be honest, he believes he ‘killed’ his own uncle, that it was because of him that Ben is dead. It happened because of him from his perspective. So it’s natural for this boy to pass through a long process of grief but here’s the catch, Peter never does. Peter always avoids tragedy until it piles up to the point of unbearable. Peter bears with his responsibility and holds himself accountable for things that are not even his fault but this kid is not capable of processing grief the way it’s supposed to be. I think he wasn’t completely healed of his grief from Ben’s death when he met Tony but as the time passed and he saw another opportunity of having that amazing experience of having another male parental figure, he relented. And now I bet he regrets it.

I kinda wish FFH went into more detail with this so certain fans would understand why having Tony was a good thing for Peter. As he got to know Tony, he started to let him in. He saw him as a father figure and relied on him just like any other teenager would with their parents. Peter was starting to process of healing with Tony. One of the things I love the most about their relationship is that they helped each other grow. Tony learned and experienced something new when he met Peter and Peter started to let another figure into his life. 

Many of you don’t like this but this kid did want Tony’s approval. He confirmed this himself:

In all the weirdness and outside-of-himselfness that went along with becoming Spider-Man, that one conversation with Mr. Stark had made Peter feel . . . okay. Normal, even. Something he never thought he'd feel again. Peter knew he should feel all these things without needing Mr. Stark's approval. That your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man didn't need the approval of multibillionaire, Super Hero philanthropists to help out the people on his block. But, right now? Peter wanted Mr. Stark to approve of him more than anything.

And this translates into the movie so well, Tony made Peter feel normal, made him feel understood and that he didn’t need to do this alone. Peter always feels like he’s the only one that can do things. He feels alone. 

He looked from the ship to the other kids on the bus to see if anyone else saw it. Nothing. Just him. As usual.

He even described Ned as ‘blissfully ignorant of any imminent danger.’

So after getting used to just him and May, after meeting Tony, after getting used to being Spider-Man, Peter creates a sense of stability and normalcy that helps him heal and continue with his life at a semi-normal pace. In Endgame, he loses that stability all over again. When you lose something that is essentially keeping you together, you start using coping mechanisms to fill in the spots that you consider empty. The ones that are going to break you. Peter doesn’t feel ready to handle all of that pain at once so he starts avoiding the issue. 

Peter not only lost Tony, but he also lost his life and remembers fighting in a big war where he got attacked multiple times by an alien army and the mad titan that killed him, Tony and half of the universe. Nobody is ready to deal with that kind of trauma. Nobody. 

FFH tells us that it’s been 8 months since The Blip. 8 months Peter’s been avoiding things related to Tony and everything related to Titan in general. He doesn't want to feel the weight of all-consuming grief because one minute he had everything and the next, that disappeared, his semi-normalcy was broken up by waves of tragedy.

Notice how in HOCO he was desperately seeking the superhero big-league adventures; wanting to be part of the Avengers, fighting crime on a bigger scale, fighting villains and more, then in FFH, he was desperately seeking the normal life experiences; romance, field trips, school events, etc. 

And I think everyone around him can feel that coming from him so they make sure to reassure him all the time and he gratefully accepts any kind of reassuring comfort he can get from anyone: 

There are so many hugs in this movie, I can’t keep track of all of them. I was surprised Peter didn’t hug Mr. Delmar too, I think he even hugged his teacher on one occasion lmao

I think we all know who was the last person Peter hugged before all of this:

It’s really sad when he’s trying his hardest to avoid all of his trauma and nothing seems to work for him. He avoids Fury’s calls, tells May he really needs a break and that he really needs the trip, everything to get as far away as possible from New York.

Anything that saves him from thinking about this:

First, look at him. He’s in a room full of drawings dedicated to Tony Stark and the kid is talking about a plan on how to woo a girl, even Ned is wondering what is going on. Then he advises him to not do any of that.

Then, on the plane, he has to actually listen to his teacher talk about funerals and his only entertainment from the rest of the trip is:

Then he arrives and they get attacked by a gigantic monster. And Peter fights this monster. He hears his classmates discuss this and he hears them call Mysterio a combination of Iron Man and Thor. Notice how after this, instead of calling someone for help or find out where did that monster comes from, he just starts talking about his plan all over again, like nothing happened. Anything related to Tony is a big nope for him.

Unfortunately for Peter:

He’s everywhere. Peter is starting to realize he can’t escape Tony anymore. He told Happy that he sees his face everywhere he goes, this is not only confirmation that Peter’s been trying to avoid it but that he can’t no longer pretend Tony’s not there. 

On every occasion someone brought up Tony, Peter couldn’t handle it. He either breaks down or has a panic attack. 

He quickly gets attached to someone else and even tells Beck that it’s nice to have someone to talk to about the superhero world, who used to do that with him? Tony. Peter deeply misses him but he’s not willing to accept the fact that he’s gone, he’s just pushing and pushing that reality away from him. Beck is a great manipulator and he can see that Peter doesn’t want to be reminded of this so he pushes Peter back on the topic: ‘It's a hard path. You see things, you do things... Make choices. People look up to you... Even if you win a battle sometimes, they die.’

He even MAKES Peter see Tony everywhere, he’s using Tony’s death against him. He’s taking advantage of the fact that the poor kid can’t handle his father figure’s death: 

You know he’s the villain and you what he’s trying to do, but the fact that even he can see what Peter’s trying to do is really sad. He later tells Peter this: ‘ I tried to help you walk away. Now you're making me do this…’ and proceeds to show him Tony’s grave, Iron Man’s zombie suit and tells him what Peter’s been thinking this whole time: ‘If you were good enough, maybe Tony would still be alive’

He’s dealing with two things at the same time: grief and trauma. His grief won’t let him breathe and his trauma is not letting him forget. It’s back and forth. If he lets any of these things in, then he knows he’s done for sure. Everything is going to come back in. 

Let's check the boxes:

Peter doesn’t want to remember or touch anything related to Tony.

He doesn’t want to deal with his own trauma/PTSD.

He doesn’t want to carry Tony’s legacy. He feels like he’s not ready and feels like he’s never going to be ready for that.

He’s desperately trying to live his life even if he feels like he’s breaking apart every 5 minutes.

This kid needs help lmao

There are occasions where he spaces out, gets angry, looks like he’s about to choke, etc.

These are the symptoms of someone who’s dealing with PTSD.

When you’re dealing with trauma, you feel the need to shield yourself from everything that might hurt or trigger you. In some parts of the movie, I felt like Peter wasn’t even there. Just think about it. He disappeared and he felt himself disappear before anyone else did. He lost his sense of reality for a couple of seconds but it was enough, life took too much from him in just those seconds. For him, it was 5 minutes but in reality, he lost 5 years. On top of that, you can tell he feels guilty for Tony’s death as well even if its not his fault. 

This is the part that haunts me:

And this is the one that heals me: 

Let’s be clear, this movie is about Peter learning how to be his own superhero and learning that it’s ok if he doesn’t meet other’s expectations. But this kid still needs to process grief, he still needs to work on his traumas, he needs to get some help. He doesn’t just heal after defeating the villain and that’s it. Hopefully, we’ll see that in the next movie.

Ok, off-topic but I swear, when Beck said Peter looked stupid with Tony’s glasses, I was about to throw some serious hands lmaooo

Thnx♥

[tribeworldarchive]

Worldview: Death and Coping

Out of respect to the families of those affected by the recent tragedy in the USA, this week's worldview will take a look at how death affects us all and at how it has affected members of the Tribe.

There is no right way to go about business in the aftermath of such brutality but next week we will return to our previous worldview schedule.

We will take a more in-depth look at death and traditions surrounding it at a later date.

THE VIRUS

All the adults died from contracting this man-made virus. The antidote for this was kept top secret and was not discovered until long after the world had changed in ways no one could ever have imagined.

The tribe called the Mall Rats came about when all the individuals came together after the death of the adults. Some had lost not only their parents and grandparents, auntie's and uncles but also adult brothers, sisters and friends.

These kids all reacted differently to their loss. The older girls like Salene became quite motherly, looking out for the younger ones.

Little kids like Chloe were really scared and insecure, often clinging hopelessly to cuddly toys, the only thing left from their old life.

Some of the guys like Bray became strong leaders whilst others, like Lex, looked for ways to become someone in this New World.

There were natural leaders and followers, followers like Ryan and Ash who just wanted someone else to take responsibility.

There were self-proclaimed leaders like the Zoots and Ebony's - power crazed. But were they power hungry as a result of insanity, personality or personal loss?

THE NEW WORLD

As wise people say, death is hard for those left behind.

Once everyone had more or less come to terms with their new life, they seemed to choose to get on with things and try not to waste too much time with sentimentality. They were all devastated that they had lost everything that meant something to them but knew that nothing could be done about it.

All the Tribal kids would feel depressed and emotional at times because it is them who were left behind. It is them who have to rebuild the world in their own image, whatever that image may be. Them who have to fight for survival without the support and advice of adults.

The Mall Rats shared their feelings of loss when they felt bad about things and found that talking helped. Talking about what they missed and finding out that others felt the same way. Talking about hopes and fears and dreams.

And finding out that life does go on. It simply has to. There are new friends to make, new people to fall in love with, new relationships to discover and new families to create.

OTHER LOSS

Death still occurs in the world of the Tribe. People still get sick, have accidents and are killed in battle, in the fight for survival. Some women might die in childbirth. If there is not enough food to go around there might be famine. Old diseases like dysentery and typhoid might rear their ugly heads again due to lack of hygiene and clear water.

Polio, mumps and tetanus might start to take effect on the bodies of those who were too young to be immunised in the old world or who have been born in to this new world. Loss might be felt more than it would have done before the virus took affect due to suppressed feelings. Or the shock that even after all these kids have gone through loved ones can still be taken away from them.

The deaths of Zandra, Dal and the supposed death of Amber hit the Mall Rats like a direct blow to the heart. Even Bob's death affected the kids badly. The death of Ned shook Alice, Andy and Tally to the very core. Zoot's death was a shock for Bray and Trudy, even for Ebony in her own way.

TRADITIONS

Traditions have changed over the years and through different cultures and religions. Some people believe that the body should be cremated, some that it should be buried and some that it should be embalmed. Funerals differ from religion to religion,country to country.Some people like to visit the grave of a loved one. Others keep the ashes in their home as a reminder of the person who has gone.

Some people are devastated because they never find the body of their mother or father, brother or sister, son or daughter friend or relation. These bodies might be lost forever due to boats sinking, planes crashing or natural disaster.

FEELINGS

There is no right way or wrong way to feel about death. The only thing we really have in common is that we will be born and we will die. Some people can deal with death, no matter the nature of it.

Others find that they are in total shock and cannot articulate their feelings, keeping them suppressed. Others who are in shock act in a blasé fashion, pretending they do not care. Some people really do not care. Some people express their emotions by becoming aggressive or anxious. And others go through the natural grieving process.

THE GRIEVING PROCESS

There is a natural process that most people go through when they are faced with life changing situations, including death, which is classed as the most stressful situation someone can go through.

The first feeling tends to be shock. Shock affects different people in different ways but the most common feelings are palpitations, fluttery Œnervous' stomach, the shakes, and lack of hunger and emotion.

These feelings tend to last for a short time as the body deals with the sudden influx of adrenaline it gives off when put in such a situation. Similar feelings can reappear at any stage during the grieving process.

Disbelief is the next common stage, with the feelings that the world is on an uneven keel, that nothing seems real, that your head is full of cotton wool.

The next stage is often anger. Anger at everyone who hasn't lost someone. Anger that other people would dare to go on with their lives while your life is a mess. A really passionate onset of tears and frustration.

Emotion creeps up again and then slowly, very slowly comes the realisation and the acceptance that what has happened has actually happened and that life is still going on, the world is still turning and that nothing can change what has happened.

HELP

It is natural for you to go through this grieving process.

But if you continue to suffer from these feelings long-term and they are taking over your life or preventing you from carrying on with your life in a normal way, please seek help. Similarly if you are experiencing feelings of guilt at being left behind or are feeling suicidal, seek help immediately.

If you do not care about what has happened to you or are not touched by what happened in the world a week ago and are concerned by your lack of feeling, please talk to someone about it.

As we have mentioned, there is no right or wrong way to cope with tragic circumstances but if you are at all worried about your feelings or lack of them, it is important to share your thoughts with someone. Even if all they tell you is that it's okay and that you are normal it will help.

Seek help from a teacher or councilor, parents, family, friends, support groups or GPs.

[lyssismagical]

Can you maybe do 11?

11 – “I know you and this isn’t you.”

 {TW Social-Distancing??}

Peter thinks he could’ve been fine throughout this self-isolation if it weren’t for May moving out for the duration of it, deciding it would be safer to stay with some of her nurse friends closer to the hospital to keep Peter safe.

And Peter had decided, as soon as the whole thing began, that he wouldn’t risk staying with the Starks. He couldn’t do it.

So he’s been living by himself for going on a month.

He makes sure to facetime the Starks every night for dinner, normally expressing extreme jealousy over their wonderful foods versus Peter’s sad ramen or leftover pizza or his very sad looking sandwiches. Peter’s never really been a good cook.

And he calls May every morning for breakfast.

Plus, the Academic Decathlon Group Chat has Watch Parties every Friday.

He’s not alone, that’s for sure, but he misses real social interactions. He misses seeing people for real. He misses getting hugs and he misses his driving lessons with Tony and he misses going out for coffee with MJ and Ned.

It doesn’t help that he’s always been a physical person, he’s used to swinging around the city and fighting crime every night. Now, he’s reduced to doing pushups on his bedroom floor like it could ever be enough to soothe the restlessness.

So when he wakes up, on the thirtieth day of not seeing anyone, he doesn’t make the effort.

He pretends to sleep in as an excuse to miss May’s call in the morning, despite having barely gotten a few hours of sleep, and he doesn’t bother responding to any of the texts he gets from Ned or MJ or Tony.

He puts on The Office like it’ll help calm the desperation to see another human being. It helps him feel a little better, seeing the characters of the show like they’re his friends. But it doesn’t make his chest loosen at all, it doesn’t help in the way that he knows a hug would.

At around four, he finally drags himself out of bed, feeling achy and gross from spending so long watching a laptop screen, but he doesn’t really have the energy to take a shower or try to get through an exercise routine.

He snacks but that just makes him feel worse, watching the stupid kitchen light flicker. May was planning on getting around to fixing it, but it fell so low on the priority list, it never got done.

Now, he’s just… Tired.

Tony: Hey kid. May said you didn’t pick up when she called and you haven’t responded since last night. Just checking in, you okay?

Peter doesn’t answer. He shuts his phone off and turns on the radio, letting the quiet music fill the otherwise silent apartment.

“You’re being stupid,” he says out loud, just to hear a voice, even it is just his own. He’s sitting on the couch, protein bar wrappers discarded on the table. He’s so tired. “You’re fine. Just- Just do something.”

It’s not easy, it’s not, but it’s better than risking other people’s lives. He would never do that, he wouldn’t ever want to hurt anyone else. He doesn’t have a choice but to stay in his apartment, without May, and just will the time to pass.

“C’mon, Parker, you’re a superhero for godsake, just get it together,” he says, forcing himself to his feet.

But it doesn’t help, all it does is make him more upset that this is what makes Peter Parker crumble. This is his weakness.

So he falls back to the couch, breathing in the fading scent of May’s perfume and cries.

By the time Tony calls for dinner, Peter’s stopped crying but he’s still feeling entirely miserable. Irritated and angry.

“Can I skip the call today?” he asks, trying his best to stay polite.

“May said you didn’t talk to her this morning either. Is everything okay, kid?”

Peter rolls his eyes. “Everything’s just fine, Tony.”

“Kid.”

The young hero lets out a harsh sigh and he glares up at the same ceiling he’s been staring at for four weeks. “I’m fine. Just leave me alone, okay?”

“You expect me to believe that?”

“Yes. I expect you to trust me when I say I’m fine. Can I go now?”

Tony sighs softly, the sounds of Morgan giggling loudly and clanking utensils coming from somewhere nearby. Peter hates how much he desperately wishes he were there with them, how much he would give to be living in the lakeside cabin with people he calls his family. He wants it so badly.

“No, I know you, Roo, and this isn’t you. Something’s up.”

It’s the kind of nickname that’s reserved for these kinds of quiet situations, ones where Peter needs the comfort, and soft nicknames are all Tony can offer.

“I’m just- I feel so alone, Tony,” Peter can’t help but admit. “It’s been four weeks since I’ve seen anyone and I just… I wish I were there with you or I wish May was here or something. The only person I’ve seen in person was the landlord through the door. I’m just not handling this very well.”

“Oh, kiddo,” Tony murmurs sympathetically. His tone almost immediately softens to the kind of tone he only uses when reading Morgan bedtime stories.

Peter tries his best to hide the sob that suddenly gets caught in his throat, but he knows it’s futile. “I don’t want to risk hurting you or anybody, and I know I can’t leave until it’s safe, I just- I could really use a hug right now.”

Tony’s quiet for a moment, obviously trying to think of some logical solution to the scenario, but there’s nothing much he can offer. “I know this is tough, kiddo, and I’m so sorry you got the short end of the stick here. If it makes you feel any better, I really wish you were here too.”

“I just feel awful,” Peter sniffles, hating how childish it sounds. “I just wanna come home.”

There’s an audible catch in Tony’s breathing at that. Peter hasn’t ever really called the cabin home.

“I know, kiddo, I know. I promise you, as soon as this is over, I’m never letting you go, okay?”

“That sounds nice.”

There’s a bang and then Morgan’s voice appears on the call. “Hiya, Petey! I miss you!”

“I miss you too, Mo. If you ask your daddy, maybe we can watch Barbie together after dinner tonight, yeah? We’ll facetime and I’ll dig out May’s tea set?”

Morgan squeals but it sounds further away as Tony takes the phone back. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, conspiring against bed time, are you?”

“I think I’m left with having dry cereal for dinner tonight, so I think I deserve Barbie and fake tea,” Peter says, laughing. It lifts some of the heaviness of his chest to be laughing.

“Dry cereal?” Tony repeats, not amused.

“I can’t cook. The last thing anybody needs right now is for me to burn down the building. One of my neighbors offered to make me a casserole though when she heard about what I was eating, so I mean… I’ve got that to look forward to.”

Tony laughs, and Morgan’s giggles echo behind him. “Which neighbor? The old lady downstairs?”

“That’s the one. She’s living with her grandson right now, and he sometimes sits outside my door to talk to me. He exchanged everybody’s numbers in our building so we can communicate. It’s not as good as talking to you guys, but they’re all very nice.”

“That’s really nice to hear, kiddo. And promise me, next time you’re not feeling well, you’ll call me first, okay? I’m always around to pick up the phone.”

Peter smiles genuinely, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, shoulders finally relaxing. “Thanks, Tony. I love you.”

“Love you too, kiddo.”

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