#and you have to understand by that point the only other thing i had been as obsessed with were hp & lotr

[ktgoodmorning]

Keeping Secrets

Claudia Pina x putellas!reader

You get a new addition, much to your sister's dismay but your girlfriends excitement.

Masterlist

“Mapi, I’m serious right now, you can’t tell anyone I’m doing this. Not Claudia, definitely not Alexia, nobody.” The older woman rolled her eyes at you but you both knew she’d take you seriously, if anyone wanted to avoid the wrath of your sister, it was Mapi. You wouldn’t have even bothered bringing Mapi but you needed the moral support and it was her friend that’d be doing the piercing for you. 

“I don’t understand why you’re not telling Pina, though. She’s gonna see it soon enough anyways, right?” Now it was your turn to roll your eyes.

“I already told you, I’m not hiding it from her, it's just a surprise cause I know she’ll love it.” You apparently didn’t hide the smirk on your face as well as you’d hoped to, but you knew that the second you let Claudia see your new tongue piercing, she would be obsessed for more reason than one. 

“Ew, if you don’t wipe that look off your face I might actually throw up,” you giggled at the older woman and pushed her away playfully, something you inherited from your older sister. “Come on, I have to fill in as your older sister since Alexia still doesn’t know about you two. Which I still don’t think is a good idea, by the way.” She gave you a knowing look but still kept a smile on her face. 

You knew she was right, both about her stepping into your sister’s role, and also that it was a bad idea that you and Claudia were hiding your relationship from her, but at this point you just weren’t ready. To be fair, it’s not like Alexia was the only person you were hiding it from. The only people who knew about you two were Mapi, Ingrid, and Vicky, and Vicky wasn’t even supposed to know. 

Vicky only knew about the two of you because she had been playing games on your phone when you got a rather X rated text from Claudia and easily caught on to the nature of your relationship. The younger girl knowing about it was more of a nuisance than anything else. Her new favorite thing to do was hold it over your head when she wanted something from you. You didn’t quite think she’d actually spill your secret, but it was a risk you still weren’t willing to take, so every time you said no to her, she’d give you that look, with that stupid little smirk, until you eventually gave in and gave her what she wanted.

Mapi, on the other hand, had been surprisingly mature about it all. You and Pina had both, unknowingly, been telling her about your feelings for each other before you ever got together, so it only felt natural to tell her when you finally did.

 The night Claudia finally asked you out and you said yes, you both were so giddy and excited that you called her to tell her. The defender knew it would happen eventually but was just waiting for you two to figure it out yourselves only because Ingrid told her to stay out of your business, so when she got the call, she was almost as excited as both of you. She also knew however, that she had a big responsibility being the only one who knew (besides Ingrid). 

Both of you were close with her, making her protective over both of you. The fact that neither of your other friends or family knew, only made her more protective, especially for you. 

Mapi was obviously quite close with your sister, so she felt she had a duty to fill that sisterly role when Alexia was kept out of the loop. Because of this, it was typical for you to see her switch from her role as your friend to that of a protective older sister. The athlete didn’t approve of the way you kept it from your sisters and made sure you knew that from the very beginning, but at the end of the day, she knew you were an adult and couldn’t force you. So at the very least, she’d make sure to stand in for them until they knew.

That’s how you found yourself here, getting glared at every time you made a suggestive joke over the piercing you were about to get. “I still don’t get why you’re getting a tongue piercing, Cari. It sounds painful and you can’t even see it!” 

“Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean you can’t feel-”

“IF YOU FINISH THAT SENTENCE I’LL HIT YOU!” She gave you a gentle shove while you were busy laughing at your own joke. It truly wasn’t the only reason you were getting the piercing but it sure didn’t hurt. You knew Claudia would love it and love how it looked on you and you were excited to finally do it. Your schedule had been so busy that you had been waiting for a day where you had time, not too close to a game day, and today was perfect. All you had was a recovery session later in the day before a couple days off to take it easy and let it heal. The more time off you had, the easier you knew it’d be to hide it from your sister too. 

...

A few hours later, you found yourself sitting in the locker room in front of your cubby, using your tongue to play with the new metal bar going through it. To say you were excited would have been an understatement. Just feeling the metal in your mouth gave you a confidence boost you didn’t know you needed. 

You were buzzing to show Claudia, knee bouncing, fingers tapping along the side of the bench next to you. The plan was to wait until after training to show her. You knew the second she saw it that she’d be too excited to play it cool and keep the rest of the team ( and more importantly your sister) from seeing it. She also was likely to be all over you and give away the secret of your relationship as well, so you decided to wait until you were home, or at least in the car, before she could see it.  

You were on your phone as you sat there, waiting for the rest of your teammates to arrive, especially your girlfriend. More of your teammates started to walk in but you paid them no mind, spending your time texting Claudia, excited to see her for the first time all day. You missed your sister coming in and shooting you a suspicious look over the small smile that was plastered on your face as you texted. If you realized it was there, you would’ve worked harder to hide it but it was so subconscious that you had no idea you were doing it. 

“Somebody’s in a good mood today, what’s got you smiling at your phone?” Alexia greeted you with a smile and a small ruffle to your hair, something she knew you hated and was always doing anyway. 

You scowled at her actions and immediately put your phone down, maybe a bit too quickly, causing your sister to instantly take note. “Nobody, I’m just in a good mood, I had a good morning with Mapi.” You gave her a small shrug and watched a smirk growing on her face. 

“Hmmm, I just thought it was a cute dog video or something but since you said it’s nobody, I assume it must be a person then?”

You met her with an eye roll but you couldn’t deny the blush that was growing on your face, suddenly nervous you’d give yourself away. “Alexia, don’t you have something better to do?” you sighed. 

She furrowed her eyebrows at you, seemingly intrigued by something else now. “What’s up with you, your voice sounds weird?” Her question was light-hearted enough but you instantly froze.

The one thing you didn’t account for- the way your tongue was a bit swollen and your speech was a bit off as you got used to the new piece of metal in your mouth. The comment from your sister made your eyes go wide. Your mind was racing to come up with a lie but simultaneously went completely blank. You opened your mouth to speak but then shut it when you came up with nothing, only incriminating yourself even further. It was clear to everyone in the room that you were hiding something. 

You didn’t realize how many of your teammates had now arrived, including your girlfriend who came bouncing through the door at that exact moment. Her face lit up when she saw you but dropped the second she saw the look on yours. Clearly she realized something was going on between you and Alexia. 

All the girls knew not to get involved in anything between you two, but it was obvious they were trying to hide their interest in the current situation. You saw the little side eyes and short glances your way as they tried to catch a word of what was going on. 

You and Alexia were close; you had a great relationship. But it also wasn’t unusual for you to butt heads at times. She was fiercely protective over you and at times it pissed you off. Sometimes you wished she could be more like Alba and not worry so much about pushing you to be your best but just let you live your life instead. When the two of you got to fighting, everyone knew, there was no getting in the middle of it. 

The second she saw your reaction to her previous question, Alexia’s soft smile turned to a cold glare, “Hermana, what are you hiding from me?” 

“Nothing, Ale, it’s no big deal, I just-” 

“Don’t lie to me! You know I don’t like when you lie and you’re still talking weird. Open your mouth.” Her voice was cold in a way that shook you to your bones. She was oddly calm, as if she could explode any second, and somehow that scared you more than any yelling match you had with her. It pissed you off that she’d do this with your teammates around but it still made you shrink just as much as it did when you were little kids. 

Your sister took your silence as disobedience and shrunk in closer to you, “Open. Your. Mouth.” 

Out of the corner of your eye you could see your teammates all frozen around you, watching closely to figure out what was happening between you. Mapi was worried, knowing exactly what you were keeping from her and also knowing that she was partially responsible for it. Claudia was worried in a different way. She was confused as to what it was you were keeping from your sister besides your relationship and knew how much this interaction would hurt your feelings. 

You continued to shrink under Alexia’s gaze, finally submitting to her and opening your mouth, gently sticking out your tongue to show her your new addition. You watched her eyes go wide. Her mouth opened and shut a few times in an attempt to figure out what to say but still came up short. You wanted nothing more than to disappear at that moment. 

“Ale-”

“Why would you do that?” she cut you off, her voice a harsh whisper, still scarily calm. 

“I-”

“Why?! Why would you do that, (y/n)?!” 

This was the moment she snapped. 

Your sister was immediately standing over you, voice raised like you expected it to be from the beginning of the conversation. You sighed in annoyance, trying your absolute hardest not to roll your eyes at her reaction. Why couldn’t she just let you live your life? Instead she had to be yelling at you in front of all your teammates over a simple piercing. 

When you glanced around the room, you saw Claudia staring at you with eyes as wide as saucers. You didn’t know it but your girlfriend was torn on how to feel right now. The second she saw your tongue piercing, she could hardly hold back a smile. Her mind instantly went to how good it looked and started wandering to some of the other benefits she could see coming from that piercing. But her excitement and attraction to you was quickly overshadowed by protectiveness for you. She knew she couldn’t step in- the last thing you needed was for Alexia to learn about your relationship and she knew you could handle yourself. But gosh it was hard to just sit and watch you shrink under your sister. 

Mapi was chewing on her bottom lip nervously. She was the one person who could sometimes step in and diffuse your arguments but she wasn’t sure if it was a good idea or not, especially with her involvement in the situation.

Seeing your teammates' reactions gave you some level of courage, lighting a spark in you to stand up for yourself. “Alexia! Why can’t you understand that I’m an adult and can make my own decisions?” 

“Because your decisions are stupid! What if it gets ripped out during a match, huh? Then what? Or when you break your teeth on it? Just so you can feel cool or something? Is that it?” 

“It’s not your decision! It shouldn’t matter what I do! It doesn’t matter to you when I do anything else and now when you don’t like it suddenly you have a problem?! You don’t get to do that, it’s not fair to me!” 

“Don’t pretend I don’t care about you! Do you realize how much I do for you?” 

That really set you off. You were always telling her how grateful you were for everything she did for you throughout your life and it wasn’t fair for her to hold that over your head. 

You raised your voice even further, basically screaming at your sister in the middle of the locker room, “This isn’t about you for once Alexia! I made this choice for myself! It has nothing to do with you and I don’t need your opinion on it. It’s ridiculous that you’re so upset over something this small. I have nothing left to say to you, if you don’t get it by this point, that’s your fault, not mine.” At this, you stormed out of the locker room, overflowing with anger towards your sister but also embarrassed that your whole team had just watched that argument. 

You didn’t have a plan as to where you were going after leaving the locker room, you just needed space from your sister. The two of you were both stubborn and it wasn’t unusual for it to bubble up like this, you just needed space. As soon as you had walked out, Mapi started tearing into the captain, trying to get her to understand where you were coming from. 

While the older women yelled at each other, Claudia half-heartedly continued getting ready for training. She was trying to figure out how to react or if you’d even want her to follow you. She wanted to, for sure. She wanted nothing more than to wrap you in her arms and make sure you were okay. But she wasn’t sure you’d want to risk your secret getting out, especially when Alexia was already mad at you. 

The brunette gave it a few minutes, feeling like it was an acceptable amount of time for her to leave the room without it being obvious she was following you. She wandered the hallways some, not expecting to stumble into you sitting on the floor, tucked away next to some random vending machines, virtually out of sight from people walking the main corridor. 

“Do you want love right now or do you want some space?” Claudia squatted down next to you for a moment in an attempt to give you some room in case you didn’t want to see her. Normally she’d want nothing more than to engulf you in a hug but with the secret of your relationship looming and you still being in a public place, she didn’t want to overstep. She was also more hesitant knowing that arguments with your sister were sometimes a touchy subject. 

You raised your head to look at her from where it was resting against your knees when you heard the familiar voice. “I don’t know. I’m fine,” you shrugged, “I just needed to get away from her for a minute.” 

Claudia responded with a nod and sat down next to you, close enough you could lean into her if you wanted but not too close that it’d be suspicious if anyone walked by. “I get it. I can always just listen if you want to rant about it or anything.” 

It was killing her not to ask about your piercing. She wanted almost nothing more than to get a good look at the piece of metal in your mouth, but she knew it wasn’t the time to ask.

“Thank you, Clau.” You leaned your head on her shoulder, just grateful for her calming presence next to you, especially as she rested her hand on top of yours. “It’s just frustrating, but I know she means well.” 

Your girlfriend gave your hand a reassuring squeeze, “she does, but it still doesn’t make it any less frustrating.” 

Alexia’s reaction to your piercing was exactly the reason you hadn’t told her about your relationship. Everyone knew she just wanted to protect you but she seemed to forget you were your own person with your own life. The captain had a hard time loosening her reins on you and that was exactly what caused you to push against her at times. 

When she felt like she’d given you an appropriate amount of time to calm down, Claudia finally spoke up, deciding she couldn’t hold it in any longer. The brunette’s voice was tentative, much more than it ever was, still not sure if she should bring it up yet. “So do I get to see what made her freak out so bad?” It was clear she was trying to hide her excitement and suppress a smirk that continued to grow. 

You gave her a light chuckle at how quickly she could pull you from your annoyance and bring you back to the excitement you’d had earlier. “Clau, you can’t do anything crazy when I show you, we're still in public remember?” 

You laughed at the way she nodded quickly, eager like a little kid awaiting a treat. When you stuck out your tongue to show her the new addition, Claudia’s jaw just about hit the floor. She had seen a glimpse of it when you showed your sister but now that she could really see it up close, she was blown away. 

“Ay dios mio, you’re so fucking hot, babe,” she groaned as she leaned into you, looking for any sort of physical contact, but you didn’t give her much, still just keeping a hold of her hand as you giggled at her reaction. 

“Clau, we can’t do this, you know that. Someone might see us.” You could both tell your words were tentative, not quite fully convinced yourself as you both leaned into each other further. 

“Mmmm I know but look at you. How is my girlfriend more badass than me?” She pressed some light kisses to the side of your neck, doing her best to be careful but ultimately failing. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to go the rest of the day without kissing you, knowing that’s in your mouth.” She mumbled into your shoulder, sure to keep her voice down in case anyone came looking for the two of you. 

“Well I have even worse news then,” this was the part you were a lot less excited about. “I’m not supposed to be doing any kissing for a few weeks while it heals.” 

“NOooo!” Her whining was much louder than she had been just moments before, throwing her head back dramatically. 

You gave her shoulder a light smack but still just smiled at her reaction, “Claudia, be quiet someone could hear you, you have to calm down.”

“Calm? You want me to be calm right now? How am I supposed to go that long without kisses?” she stuck out her bottom lip to pout at you, something she did all the time. 

“You can still kiss me though, just not on the lips! And I think we can both agree that it’ll be worth it in the end, yes?” 

Your girlfriend’s pout had been replaced with a smirk as she just hummed in response and buried her face in your neck, leaving open mouthed kisses anywhere she could reach. You both knew you shouldn’t let her continue but didn’t have the willpower to stop. At some point during her kisses, she had turned to face you better, reaching one hand to land on your waist and pull you closer, the other grabbing at your thigh. 

“Clau, we can’t- we can’t do this.” you struggled to get your words out, suddenly caught up in her actions. 

“Hmmm, are you gonna stop me though?” you felt her fingernails dig into your thigh as her hand ran dangerously higher. 

“No,” you whispered breathlessly as her hand continued to move up, “But if we get caught I’m blaming you.”

And as if on cue, you were suddenly being yelled at. “Dios mío, habláis en serio?!” The two of you immediately pushed away from each other, scattering as far away as you could when you heard the voice. 

When you looked up, you were relieved to see that it was only Mapi and let out a breath you didn’t realize you had been holding, flinching as she started to scold you. 

“What is wrong with you? You’re at training! You’re just lucky it’s me who found you and not your sister! I can’t even imagine what she would have done. If you’re gonna pull shit like this, you need to tell her about you two, cause she can’t accidentally stumble into whatever that was.” She grabbed you by the arm to pull you up from the ground, both you and Claudia looking down sheepishly. 

The older woman held you in front of her, pressing a finger into your chest, “you are going to go back to that locker room and we are going to tell everyone I found you calming down after your argument with Alexia and we just happened to run into Pina in the hallway. And you both,” now she pulled your girlfriend up next to you, “are going to hope to God that you didn’t leave any marks on her neck, because I can only defend you so much. Understand?” 

Neither of you could make eye contact yet, still scared of how serious Mapi had become, nodding your heads rapidly at her statement. “And Pina, you keep your hands to yourself.” 

“Si, si, I will, I promise.” 

“Good,” she appeared to be satisfied by your answers and started pushing you both back towards the locker room. “Now I’m gonna try to erase that image from my mind so I don’t throw up.” 

You did your best to suppress a smirk at Mapi’s reaction and tried to sneak a look at your girlfriend who was walking along next to you. The two of you locked eyes for a brief moment but looked away quickly to make sure you wouldn’t giggle at you both having the same thought. 

“Hey! I saw that look! Keep walking!” This time you could barely keep it together at Mapi’s feigned seriousness, while the three of you continued back to the locker room, your secret still safely between the three of you and Vicky, just praying it would stay that way.

Not sure how I feel about this one, let me know! Planned to do more in this universe but now can't quite decide, would love some ideas if you want more of it, I know not everyone loves the Pina ones as much.

Masterlist

[vivwritesfics]

I feel like we need a return of witch!oscar

Maybe reader finds one of his books and tries to make a potion from it despite not understanding any of it

No but I started thinking last night I could do a whole witch!oscar thing but i've got so many things to come out first that this might be an eventually situation. For now pls keep sending in witch!oscar

Oscar had been insanely protective over his things when she first moved in. Like, crazy protective, to the point where they fought and she threatened to move out.

(He wasn't ashamed to say he'd begged her to stay. The fighting, though, it wasn't for nothing. It was to keep her safe, even if she didn't understand that. Oscar would do it all over again to keep her safe).

But, as it came to a year of living together, Oscar had stopped this crazy protective thing he had over his stuff. He stopped guarding that bookshelf full of recipe books like a crazed dog and no longer bothered hiding that box full of God knows what under the floorboards under his bed.

(Now, understand, Oscar would have told her. If he didn't think the information would have put her in more danger, he would have told her exactly what he was. It was eating him inside, her not knowing as she slept against him, content in this safe bubble Oscar had created. Created through lies that had him feeling sick and the protection spell he'd put on the apartment).

Even now that Oscar trusted her with his things, he hated leaving her in the apartment on her own for extended periods of time. If he'd just told her what she was, she couldn't be in danger of accidentally cracking open a spell book and messily casting an incantation. But, when the council called, Oscar had to answer.

(She was what this meeting was about, actually. Most witches were solitary creatures, preferring company of their own kind and even that was rare. Oscar was the exception, with his human girlfriend. As much as the other members of the council looked down on it, on their relationship, they knew they had to try and keep her safe from any magical mishaps).

"I didn't even know you had to go on business meetings for your work," she whispered that morning, cheek pressed against her shoulder.

He pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head. "I know," he mumbled. "But I'll be back before you know it."

Before he left, Oscar doubled the protection spell around the apartment. They hadn't been apart for this long since she'd first moved in, and part of Oscar just knew the council was holding the meeting on the other side of the country to test him, to test his patience.

She knew Oscar wasn't going to be in when she got back from work, but that didn't mean she didn't already miss him terribly. Making dinner, something Oscar usually took care of, was a chore that evening.

(It was the only time, aside from the protection spell, that Oscar used magic around her. He was a terrible cook, but it was partly how he'd won her over. Even if she found out what he was, he could never reveal this secret about his cooking).

When she pulled the most basic of ingredients out of the fridge, she spied something on the counter. One of the books from Oscar's shelf. He must have left it there on purpose, she figured. A book full of Australian delicacies he'd left for her so that she didn't miss him too much.

She cracked open the book and decided to make the first thing she saw, some kind of soup.

The ingredients were so odd, but they had all of them in the kitchen cupboards. Gathering up the ingredients, she started about making this odd, Australian soup.

(Maybe, if she looked a little closely, if she'd even considered being a little wary of her boyfriend, she would have noticed that this wasn't a recipe book, and this wasn't a recipe book).

It didn't look like anything Oscar had made. If she wasn't so hungry she would have tossed it and bought a pizza, chalked it up to her (lack of) cooking skills. But her stomach was grumbling and it didn't small that bad.

All it took was a single spoonful. Bless her, she didn't realise she'd made enough to dose an entire football stadium full of people. But one spoonful and she was on the phone to Oscar, crying about how much she missed him in a way that just wasn't her.

"Oscar," she cried through sobs as he thanked his lucky stars that he had a moment to pick up.

"Has something happened?" He asked quickly, panic in his voice.

She sniffled. "Yeah. I fucking miss you and my soup isn't as good as anything you make and I hate it and I want you to come home and I think we should get married and I think we should get a dog."

By the time she'd said the final few words, she was no longer crying. No, she was happy, excited even.

"Oh fuck." Oscar hadn't meant to let that slip, but he certainly didn't think it would make her cry again. "Oh, sweetheart, what have you done?"

It had to be one of those fucking love potions Oscar hated to much. And, to make things worse, it had been his fault. He'd left the book on the kitchen counter, of course she was going to think it was a recipe book.

Damn the council meeting, his girl needed him. "Sweetheart, can you throw the soup away for me?" He asked. There was no response, but Oscar could hear her moving around the kitchen, hopefully doing it.

"Done. It was gross anyway," she mumbled.

He let out a laugh, if only to comfort her. "Great. Go and get changed into one of my shirts and get into bed. I'm on my way and I'll make you something proper when I get home."

"Hurry back?"

"Of course."

If you enjoyed this, please feel free to buy me a coffee

[sergeantxrogers]

in the red dark

His eyes trapped yours in their vice-like grip as he stared up at you, fingers brushing against the hem of your jeans, and you swallowed heavily. You felt the rush of alcohol in your head fizzle out into smoke and embers as you sobered up quicker than you ever have in your life.

"Are you sure?"

You swallowed again. Nodded.

There was a small twitch in his eyebrows, and he narrowed his gaze. "It'll hurt."

Despite your heartbeat drowning out all sounds around you, despite the cold sweat on the back of your neck, despite the knowledge that you'll probably regret this - whatever this actually was - in the morning, you smiled.

"Then I guess I'll just have to hold your hand."

Pairing: Tattoo artist!Bucky Barnes x reader

Word count: 5.8k

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, reader is drunk (i apologise if that's not your thing), swearing, perhaps some sexual tension, mentions of pain, needles, tattoos, lots of love-at-first-prick energy, mentions of smoking/cigarettes

Author's note: You guys it's literally embarrassing how badly i've fallen off... LMAO i missed writing sooo so much but life has really got me by the balls these past few months. I hope y'all enjoy this and let me know if you'd be interested in a part two. Love u <3

__________

Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum.

You didn't know if it was your heartbeat pulsing in your head, or the heavy beat of the music washing over your senses and travelling through your veins. You couldn't tell, but you truly didn't really care. Right now, your hazy, gin-and-tonic drunken eyes focused only on Wanda, her red hair reflecting the neon club lights, your gaze zeroing in on her lips mouthing the words to a song you couldn't even hear at this point.

You saw her smile, and, as if in reply, your lips tugged into a grin of their own. A wave of heat rolled over you as you danced with Natasha, and you brought up your hand that wasn't holding a glass of something that had begun to taste like water to fan yourself.

You felt, more than heard, Natasha yell into your ear, and you furrowed your brows, turning your eyes from Wanda to meet her gaze.

"What?" you yelled back, confusion marring your features. You saw Nat's shoulders rise and fall with the enormous sigh she took in, and you kept in your giggles.

She tugged on your arm, then pointed to the crowd behind you. More specifically, the exit that was on the other side of the club, blocked by hundreds of hot, sweaty, drunk bodies in their own little worlds - much like you were now. It clicked; you had been in the club drinking your asses off the past three hours, you were hot, your heels were killing you, and, quite frankly, you were running out of money for the night.

You nodded deeply and seriously, eyes screwed shut as Nat tugged Wanda's arm with one hand and yours with the other. Quickly, you downed the rest of the contents of your glass, leaving behind only a thin slice of lemon and a lipstick stain on the rim and snatched your bag off the table before the three of you decided to brave the large crowd that only seemed to grow bigger by the minute.

Holding hands and forming a sort of train, you made it through the suffocating crowd step by step, breath by breath, until, finally, you felt the cool late summer air caress your flushed face, the thumping bass of the club now seeming like a whole different dimension as the heavy door shut behind you with a click.

Wanda, perpetually happy, you've come to understand over the years, let out a raspy laugh.

"This place is fucking insane, guys! Holy shit!" she exclaimed, pointing a manicured finger at the door the three of you had just come through.

You hummed in agreement. "Yeah, why haven't we ever gone here before?"

Natasha, almost always the least drunk out of you three, let out a trademark sigh. She gave you a look you could only translate to 'seriously?'.

"What? I'm being for real," you frowned.

Nat rolled her eyes, then winced as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "I know you are, it's just that we've never come here before because this was opening night. You know, the whole reason we even came in the first place? Jesus Christ, you two need some water."

All it took was for you and Wanda to share a look before you both burst out laughing. You leaned on her arm for support as your giggles died down, and you let out a big, happy sigh.

"Come on, we'll never grab a cab here - there's way too many people. Let's walk a couple blocks down," Nat said, stepping between the two of you and throwing her arms around your shoulders. "Can't believe I always get babysitting duty."

You and Wanda smiled coyly, seeing the playfulness glimmering in Natasha's eyes, letting you know she wasn't actually upset.

The three of you started your trek, slightly stumbling but keeping in a straight line for the most part. You had only walked about 150 feet when Wanda let out a gasp. You and Natasha both turned your heads to see what she was pointing so happily at, and when you saw what had made her gasp, you cocked your head in amusement.

Red neon light flooded your hazy vision, one word flickering and buzzing above your head in the dark - tattoo.

"It says they're open 24/7. Isn't that weird? Do you guys think we should all get matching tattoos? What should we get? Wait, do you think we even have enough money to get matching tattoos?"

Disappointment flooded Wanda's rambling, and you opened your mouth to reply, but Nat beat you to it.

"Wanda, we are not getting matching tattoos, especially not while drunk."

Staring at the sign above you, the red neon washing over the world, the soft buzz of electricity coming from it drowned out Wanda's complaining and Natasha's replies. They became background noise as you let the waves of alcohol make the decision for you, surprising even yourself when the words came out of your mouth.

"I want one."

Your two friends stopped their bickering and both stared at you, Nat with an incredulous look on her face, and Wanda with something a little more akin to amusement.

"Really?" they said at the same time, their tones matching their faces.

You nodded. "Yeah. I mean, I feel like never do anything fun. Besides, what's the harm in it? It won't kill me," you said with a shrug.

Natasha's weary eyes gave you a once over, and she took a step toward you, putting a hand up to your forehead.

"Are you sure you don't have alcohol poisoning or something?"

You slapped her hand away with a roll of your eyes. "I'm fine, Nat, I just really wanna get a tattoo now. I already know what I want to get."

Even Wanda, whose idea it was in the first place, gave you a suspicious hum. "Nat's only asking because this really doesn't seem like you, Y/N."

The frustration bubbled in your chest before you could stop it, and you quickly shoved it down. They were right, after all - you were the type of person to never make any decision, big or small, without planning for it in advance and double, and then triple, checking you were absolutely certain. Everybody knew this, which was why your friends were doubtful.

Everyone knew this, yet no one knew how draining it was to always be on top of things. Nobody knew how exhausting to always plan everything out in advance to minimize the risk of anything going wrong as much as you could. School, college, dating, the things you ate, the places you went, the clothes you wore - everything was planned ahead, and, quite frankly, you were growing sick of it. Sick of yourself, almost.

With a huff, and a roll of your shoulders, you tugged your jeans up and lifted your chin. Then, without a word or warning, you turned on your high heel and pushed open the heavy glass door of the tattoo parlor, the bell over your head chiming softly as you walked through.

There's no going back now, a voice called in your head. You blocked it out. Good.

___________

Leg crossed over the other, you fidgeted with the rips in your jeans as you sat in the black, plastic chair in the front of the shop. After speaking to a girl who looked like she wanted to be anywhere else but at work, she told the three of you to have a seat and wait a couple minutes while they got everything set up. She popped her gum as she left, and only in the sudden silence, surrounded by dark walls and miscellaneous photographs adorning them, the nervous flutter in your stomach awoke, sending a cold sweat to your palms.

So, here you were, almost two in the morning sitting between your two best friends, mentally preparing yourself to get a tattoo you didn't even know you wanted a couple of hours ago. Yet, no matter how nervous you were, there was still a bigger part of you, a louder voice in your head encouraging you that this was exactly what you wanted and needed. The seconds ticking by on the clock above you only further reassured you.

A warm palm on your ankle startled you out of your thoughts, and you turned to see Nat, holding your gaze.

"Could you please stop jiggling your foot. You're making me nervous and I'm not even getting anything done."

You gave her a slight nod. "Yeah - yeah, sorry."

You hadn't even realized you were doing it, but it was a nervous tick of yours, a habit that you were never going to break. You turned your head to your other side, and Wanda's mischievous glint in her eyes made you shoot her a smile, growing your confidence by a little.

The soft chime of beads being separated made the three of you turn your focus to the doorway set in the left wall, the same unamused girl from before stepping through before gesturing for you to stand up.

"He's ready for you now."

"He? You're not gonna be the one tattooing me?" you asked nervously, your steps faltering slightly across the black-and-white tiled floor, and you hoped it wasn't too noticeable.

The girl shook her head. "Nope, I'm only here on an apprenticeship. I mainly just work the front desk and do other assistant-like bullshit for Barnes."

"Oh." You didn't know who Barnes was, but you could only assume he was the artist waiting for you behind the beaded curtain.

"Also, your girlfriends have to stay here. It's salon policy, sorry."

You turned back just in time to see Nat and Wanda lower themselves back in their seats, the three of you exchanging a look that showed you didn't believe she was sorry in the least.

"Okay. So, I just... walk through here?" you asked, pointing at the doorway.

The girl nodded, bored out of her mind already. "Yeah, there are two rooms. Go for the left one."

And that was apparently all you were getting out of her, because she turned around and walked away, taking a seat behind the large reception desk with a heavy sigh.

Taking one last look at your friends' reassuring smiles, Wanda sending you an enthusiastic thumbs up, you walked through the curtain with a deep breath. The beads drifted over your shoulders and thighs, then quietly fell back into place behind you as you stepped into the small dark hallway. Go for the left one, she said, so you did, forcing your feet to move forward, heels softly clicking against the tiles.

Oddly enough, the doorway on the left was bare, no door on the hinges and no beaded curtain hanging down, so you knocked on the frame and hesitantly stepped through. You were surprised to find the interior design completely different to the front of the salon - even the small hallway you left behind was dark and depressing, while this part of the shop had rich, shiny hardwood floors, a floor lamp standing in every corner washing the room in an orange hue.

You noticed the walls had less pictures than the ones in the front, but the ones that were hanging were big, framed, and beautiful.

"My buddy Steve painted those," a smooth voice called out, startling you, and you ripped your eyes from the paintings on the walls, not realizing how rude you were being just standing there without saying a word.

Your gaze quickly scanned the room until you found the source of the voice standing at the back of the room, leaning back against a table with his arms crossed over his chest. Whatever words you were planning on saying died in your throat as you took him in. Dark hair, cropped shorter on the sides. Blue eyes underneath heavy-set brows, the bridge of his nose leading down to pink lips that were currently morphing into an amused smile. The stubble on his cheeks and jaw moved as he clenched his teeth, and you weren't sure if it was the alcohol in your veins speaking its mind, but you were pretty certain this had to be the most gorgeous man you had ever laid eyes on.

"He - he's good," you managed to reply, and he lifted a brow.

"Your friend, I mean - seems like a great painter," you elaborated, gesturing weakly to the wall of canvases. He nodded in agreement, then pushed himself off the table he was leaning against, taking a few steps forward.

"You can lay down now if you want. It might be more comfortable than just standing there while we talk about what we're doing tonight," he said, nodding toward the black massage chair in the center of the room.

You nodded back, willing your ankles to keep steady in your now frustratingly high shoes, along with the gin still pulsing steadily in your head. You may have been even more nervous than you were now if it hadn't been for all the glasses you drank one after another earlier in the night. Right now, you were actually thankful you weren't completely sober for this, because you didn't know how else you would be able to handle the man's sea-blue stare that tracked your every movement as you lied down with such an intensity it made your cheeks burn.

Evidently, he must have noticed your jitters, because he pulled out a small leather stool on wheels and took a seat next to you. He softened his gaze and crossed his arms again. You couldn't help but noticed how peculiar they were - for no reason other than the fact that the short, tight sleeves allowed you to see they were completely bare, not one tattoo in sight on his perfect skin. Weird. Maybe he had tattoos in places you couldn't see, but before you could think too deeply on that and risk blushing again, you ripped your eyes back up to his.

"I'm Bucky," was all he said, voice now quieter and more laid-back, probably trying to help ease your nerves even more.

"I'm Y/N," you replied, then cleared your throat.

"I'm assuming this is your first ever tattoo?" he asked, and you winced a bit.

"It's that obvious?"

He - Bucky - gave you a small smile. "Kind of. But you also don't seem like the type of person to get a drunk tattoo at-" he checked the watch on his wrist "-1:52 a.m."

Check and mate. You gave a small shrug. "I guess people can be surprising."

He said nothing to that, only regarded you with a faint amusement in his narrowed eyes, before clearing his throat.

"And what did you have in mind? Kate up front told me you wanted a butterfly, but I need to know if you had something specific in mind?"

"Well, I was kind of hoping to leave the details up to you... I just know I want a butterfly, that's all.

"So, you're putting your trust in me completely, I see."

You felt your heartbeat trip over itself and you cleared your throat, nodding meakly.

"You know," he began as he stood and walked over to the table he was leaning on earlier, "butterflies symbolize transformation, and hope. Metamorphosis. Some also say they symbolize resurrection - triumph of soul over body."

Bucky spoke as he walked back, carrying a few papers and a box of gloves with him. He set the box down on the small table beside your chair, then handed you the papers.

"These are just a few sketches I did when Kate told me what you wanted, but I wasn't sure how big or small you wanted it to be, or where you wanted it to go, so there's a few options you could choose from."

You flipped through the pages, sketch after sketch filling your eyesight, and your breath stilled in your chest. These drawings were absolutely beautiful. Apparently, his buddy Steve wasn't the only one who was insanely talented. Your gaze snagged on one of the last sketches, a small monarch butterfly about the size of a silver dollar, gorgeous patterns covering its spread wings.

Bucky noticed you go still, and tilted his head.

"This one?" he asked. You simply nodded.

"Alright," he said softly. "Let me just prep the stencil and we'll be all set."

Focusing on keeping your breathing steady, in and out, you watched him get up and walk back towards the table. You took the time to admire the strong build of his back, shoulder blades visible under the tight material, triceps slightly flexing as he moved his arms, doing what ever he needed to do. The drinks in your system were doing little to help. In fact, they were just making it worse, sending flashes of heat flooding through your stomach and warming your body as you stared at him.

Sooner rather than later, he turned back around and you quickly tore your eyes away, not wanting to be caught staring, and instead focused your gaze on your painted toenails in your black heels. You clicked your shoes together a couple times, maybe out of nerves, maybe just for something to do, and Bucky sat back down on his stool.

"Alright, doll. Where's this bad boy going?"

You tried not to be so obvious with the way the name affected you, but the way it slipped off his tongue so easily, like it belonged there, had your hands sweating and breath quickening. You swallowed.

"M-my hip. I was thinking my hip."

Bucky cocked a dark brow. "Your hip."

The way he said it, not a question, but rather a statement, voice an octave lower than it was a moment ago, had you reminding yourself to keep breathing.

You nodded. His eyes flickered down to the aforementioned body part, then slowly made their way up, over your stomach and across your chest covered in a lacy top, across your neck, then finally met yours. This time, he was the one who swallowed, Adam's apple bobbing as he reciprocated your nod.

"Okay. Okay, that's good. That's a cool spot," he said, and then cleared his throat. "I'm, uh, I'm gonna need you to - to unbutton your jeans. So I can, you know, place the stencil and - and ink you, and stuff."

Your lips quirked up, finding it amusing how flustered he seemed to get now, instead of the other way around. A rush of confidence overtook you, whether it was from his stammered words, or the way his eyes had travelled your torso, or maybe it was simply your inebriation. It could have been all three. Whatever it was, it had you staring into his eyes as your hands found the button of your jeans, undoing it and pulling the zipper down, then pulling one side of them down, folding it over itself so your underwear was on display.

Bucky's eyes tracked the movements, darkening when he lifted them back up to yours, and his jaw visibly clenched. You let out a loose breath through your nose and bit your tongue.

The silence between you two felt stretched taught and thin, palpable and ready to shatter at any moment as you stared at each other. He cleared his throat again.

"Would you mind if I smoke?" he asked, voice rough and resigned. You shook your head.

Pulling out a pack of Marlboro Reds and a lighter from his pocket, you watched, slightly fascinated, as he pulled a cigarette out from the pack, brought it to his pink lips, struck the lighter and lit it, inhaling deeply. The smoke he blew from his mouth surrounded you, filling the air with a new, hazy tension. He kept eye contact as he threw his cigarettes and the lighter onto the small table, and pulled his stool closer.

He leaned down over your hip, then hesitated. Flicking his eyes up to yours, brows raised in question, you nodded.

Bucky's fingers softly, slowly, grabbed the hem of your underwear and pulled it down a couple of inches, and when his fingertips brushed the delicate skin there, you felt a rush of fire burst through you, starting from the place of contact and going straight to your head. You tried focusing on breathing evenly, but that was difficult to do as you watched him reach behind and pull two black, latex gloves from the box he had brought earlier, pulling them on while studying the small expanse of skin he had exposed.

Your head swam, vision going in and out as you watched him carefully place the stencil he had made against your skin, adjusting it with one hand, pulling your underwear and jeans down with the other so they would stay out of the way. The cigarette dangled from his plump lips, and he pulled it out of his mouth, let smoke leave through his nose as he turned and set it against an ash tray.

He nodded toward the stencil. "Is this placement okay?"

You glanced down, seeing the fine, purple outline of the butterfly you chose on your hipbone, and you nodded. You couldn't help the small smile that reached your lips - it looked amazing already.

"Alright, doll," Bucky said, then carefully peeled the paper back, leaving just the drawing and goosebumps on your skin.

He stared at it for a moment, then frowned.

"What's wrong?" you asked, immediately worried.

"Nothing's wrong, exactly, I just don't think I can ink you in this position. The angle is awkward and the skin isn't tight enough so it might not end up the way you want it to."

"Oh," you said, the frowned yourself. "Well, what would work better?"

He gave a short shrug. "It would be best if you were standing, honestly."

Your mouth parted, but no breath escaped, and you nodded slightly. "Yeah. Okay."

The words came out quiet and breathy, and you hoped he couldn't notice the slight tremble in your arms as you lifted yourself out of the chair and to your feet beside him. Your underwear and jeans rode back up as you did, and you frowned, wondering if you chose a place that was too impractical.

Bucky, either noticing your frown, or noticing where your attention was, rolled his stool closer to you. Looking up at you, his hands reached up with slow, deliberate movements, a question in his eyes. You bit your lip, nodding, and turned to face him completely, standing between his legs, thighs enclosing your own.

You held your breath as his fingers pulled the front of your jeans down, exposing both hips and the front of your panties, and he paused, holding your gaze. You gave him no sign to stop, so he reached for the hem of your underwear again, pulling it down even more this time, exposing not only your hip, but your upper pubic area as well.

His eyes flickered to the skin there, quickly, then back up to yours, and you watched his throat bob as he swallowed. The cigarette was burning out in the ash tray, long forgotten but filling the air with wisps of smoke and the smell of ash.

Somewhere in the back of your mind, you couldn't help but feel like the way you were exposed in front of him, lips inches from a place you'd like him to be, the way he was staring into your eyes, pupils dilated and intoxicating - it may have all been just a touch unprofessional. You shooed the thought away when his gloved fingers traced the stenciled out butterfly, and goosebumps rose on your skin again, stomach clenching involuntarily at the touch.

His eyes trapped yours in their vice-like grip as he stared up at you, fingers brushing against the hem of your jeans, and you swallowed heavily. You felt the rush of alcohol in your head fizzle out into smoke and embers as you sobered up quicker than you ever have in your life.

"Are you sure?"

You swallowed again. Nodded.

There was a small twitch in his eyebrows, and he narrowed his gaze. "It'll hurt."

Despite your heartbeat drowning out all sounds around you, despite the cold sweat on the back of your neck, despite the knowledge that you'll probably regret this - whatever this actually was - in the morning, you smiled.

"Then I guess I'll just have to hold your hand."

Bucky gave you a sly smile, and shook his head, almost to himself, sucking in a deep breath before rolling back to grab the tattoo gun from the table. He moved the machine slightly closer so it had better reach, and you shifted on your feet nervously. At this point, you were more focused on the incoming pain than the pain already killing your heels and toes in your shoes.

"This is an area that usually doesn't hurt as much as others, but you'll still feel some discomfort," he told you as he fiddled with the machine and the gun, flicking it to life. The quiet buzzing filled the air, and you sucked in a sharp breath even though you nodded at his words.

He lifted his head to look at you, reaching a hand up to grab your other hip steady. "It'll feel like a buzz under your skin, or a slight stinging. If it gets too much for you, just squeeze my hand and I'll stop. I promise."

You made yourself look deep into his eyes and you noted the reassurance in them, so you let out the breath you didn't know you were holding and nodded, screwing your eyes shut.

His grip on you tightened, and it was a mild comfort as he pressed the needle into your skin, inking the first few drops into your hip. The pain wasn't excruciating, nor was it unbearable, but it was surprising, and like nothing you had ever felt before. You let out a soft gasp as he worked, trying to keep still so as not to disturb him, but you couldn't help your hand that shot out to grab his wrist - the one on your hip. He paused and turned his focus up to you, tender worry in his blue eyes.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?"

You clenched your jaw and nodded. "Just keep going, it's not that bad."

After a few more minutes, you seemed to get used to the stinging sensation, and now the area just felt numb. You had asked Bucky about it, but he smiled and reassured you that it was perfectly normal.

Your senses blurred together and you closed your eyes against all the stimulants - the smell of smoke still hanging in the air, the buzzing of the tattoo gun, the numbness in your hip, Bucky's firm hold on you and the strength of his wrist flexing beneath the palm of your hand.

You kept reminding yourself to breath, to focus on something else - anything other than the needle currently piercing your skin.

Bucky's fingers gave you a light squeeze, and you nearly trembled.

"Just a little more, doll, that's it. You're doing so good for me, you know that?" Bucky muttered softly, his breath warm against your bare skin, and you nodded even though he couldn't see.

"Just a few more seconds and we'll be all done, sweetheart, I promise."

"Okay," you whispered breathily and turned your gaze up towards the paneled ceiling.

"All done, doll," Bucky said, voice bringing your focus back to him. He switched the gun off and rolled back in his chair slightly to put it back where it belonged. He plucked a bottle of something off the table and grabbed a paper towel.

"This is just some antibacterial soap I'm gonna use to clean the ink residue off you, okay?"

It was all you could do to nod in response, and you watched him move as he cleaned the tattoo, then wiped it down carefully. You winced, and he frowned.

Bucky put the soap back and grabbed another similar-looking bottle.

"This is just lotion - it'll help soothe any lingering pain."

You stared in mute fascination as he spread the lotion across your hip, rubbing it in gently, then running his thumb across the fresh design. Your breath stuttered, and he tore his eyes away from the butterfly, clearing his throat. Once again, he turned back, putting the lotion in its place, then pulled out a box of large bandages from the lower part of the table, picking one up and peeling it open.

He pressed it softly against your tattoo, then made sure it was stuck on right, giving the area a soft stroke with his thumb again, and then he ripped his gloves off, throwing them in the trash beneath the table.

Bucky's attention finally, finally turned back to you, and he rolled himself into his initial position. His hands skimmed the sides of your thighs softly before they reached your panties, pulling them up and over the fresh tattoo. You held your breath when his knuckles brushed your lower stomach, and you could've sworn you heard him inhale sharply. A muscle in his jaw fluttered and he pulled your jeans back up too, zipping and buttoning them slowly.

He kept his stare straight, eyes on the button right in front of him, an you let out a slow, deep breath when his hands lowered from your hips, to the backs of your thighs, caressing them gently, even giving them a short squeeze.

"Did it hurt?" he asked, voice a raspy whisper.

You shook your head, eyes trained on him. "No."

He looked up then, and you felt your pulse pick up pace. You didn't know what to focus on - his eyes burning holes into yours, his hands gripping the backs of your thighs, or the fact that his face was inches away from your abdomen, breath heating it with every exhale.

"Good," he said simply. Quietly. "It'll heal in about two to three weeks, but you should avoid getting it wet and change the bandage as often as you can."

"M-maybe you could - give me your number," you stammered, and Bucky lifted his brows. "You know, so I can call if I notice something off, or - or if I need help with something."

He smiled, and this smile wasn't like any of the previous smiles. This one was a full-on grin, perfect teeth and dimples on display, making him look younger. You couldn't lie and say it wasn't one of the most beautiful sights you had ever seen.

"Okay," he said quietly. "I'll give you my number, but I want to be updated every day. It is your first tat, after all."

You grinned and nodded. "Alright. Deal."

"You're gonna walk out and pay Kate up front, and then I'll follow, as soon as I clean up here. 'Kay?"

You nodded.

"Good girl," he said, shooting a wave of heat through your body, and he gave your thighs a light slap before he rolled away.

The lack of his presence in your personal space felt jarring, like you had just been ripped away from the world and thrown into another, and you blinked the feeling away, sucking in a deep breath.

"Okay," you said, more to yourself than to him, and he smiled at you.

"Go. I promise I'll be out in a minute."

__________

Kate handed you your card back, and you were still trying to shake the shock of hearing the price off when the beaded curtain shuffled and Bucky came through in all his marvelous glory. Out here, in the open space of the front of the shop, he looked even taller, even wider, and you suppressed the urge to reach out a hand and touch him.

"Hey doll. Can't believe you didn't run away," he said with a half-smile, and you blew some air through your nose.

"Of course I didn't," you replied softly, then cleared your throat.

He held his hand out expectantly, and it took you a moment to realize what he was waiting for. "Oh! Right, sorry."

You tugged your phone out of your purse, unlocking it and handing it to him. You admired the way the screen lit up his face as his fingers flew across it, and before you knew it, he was handing the phone back to you with a smile.

He took a step forward, and you inhaled sharply.

"Remember, daily," he muttered, low enough only for you to hear, inches away from your face, and you could only nod.

"I promise," you whispered, and his smile grew.

Someone cleared their throat behind you, and that made you tear your eyes away from Bucky's. Nat and Wanda were both standing by the exit, hands on their hips, staring between you and Bucky expectantly.

"Right, we'll just be going now," you said, trying to hide the surprising disappointment in your voice as you gestured with your head to the door. "Thank you for everything. I love it."

Bucky slid his hands into the pockets of his jeans and gave you a genuine smile. "The pleasure was all mine, sweetheart."

You held his eyes even as Nat grabbed your arm and dragged you through the door, the bell chiming and tinkling above you, and Wanda called out a goodbye over her shoulder as the three of you left.

The cool night air enveloped you completely, and at this point, you were sober enough to feel a chill trickle through your bones. You shuddered.

"Jeez, what time is it, anyways," you mumbled, rubbing your arms to gather some warmth. You paused your movements when you noticed the looks on your friends' faces.

"What? What happened?"

Nat scoffed. "What happened? What happened with you? In there! With that beefcake of a man!"

Wanda chimed in excitedly. "The way he was looking at you? Phew, it was growing way too hot in there, to be honest."

You blushed, rolling your eyes, and began walking. "C'mon, guys, don't be childish-"

"Are you gonna go out with him?" Nat interrupted, linking an arm through yours.

"He hasn't asked me," you said blankly.

"Well, he definitely will," Wanda said with a matter-of-fact shrug. "I could see it in his eyes."

"Who would've thought - Y/N getting her groove on with the tattoo artist-"

"Ew, groove? Seriously, Natasha, who says things like that-"

"Stop trying to act like we're not totally right here."

You sighed and shook your head, but couldn't help the smile that rose to the surface. "Yeah, he is pretty hot."

The three of you burst into a fit of giggles as you walked, trying to find a taxi to hail before you froze your asses off.

"So... can we see the tat?"

[blue-chimera]

It's strange to see people reacting like Jensen's said something new here. I've listened to pretty much everything he's ever said on the topic and, as far as I can tell, he's always understood that scene to be a confession of romantic love on Cas's part.¹

The part that Jensen's repeatedly pushed back against — and sometimes gotten exasperated or frustrated about — is the insistence of some fans that Dean must reciprocate Cas's feelings. He's been very clear about the fact that he understands Dean to be straight, that he's always played him as straight, and that he's never gotten guidance from writers or directors or showrunners that he should be playing him differently.²

Meanwhile, Jensen has consistently affirmed that Dean feels love for his dearest friends — which includes Cas — but he has also consistently avoided using language that suggests Dean feels romantic love for him, because he doesn't think that Dean does.

That's why Jensen describes their relationship by calling Cas "one of [Dean's] best friends," "one of his closest allies," "not only a brother-in-arms, but one of his closest — the closest people to him," and doesn't describe their relationship by calling Cas "the man he loves" or using other phrases that people usually reserve for romantic partners, like "his everything."³

In any case, what Jensen is trying to say seems pretty clear to me even without the above context, but with it, I'd call it beyond clear. When he says there's nothing to resolve, he's saying that (consistent with what he's said before) Cas & Dean were on the same page by the end of the scene. Dean understood Cas's feelings and Cas understood Dean's.

To spell it out: Cas loved Dean romantically but knew that Dean would never love him back romantically because he was straight (thus, the wanting something he could "never have"). But he realized he could still experience joy in confessing his love and accepting it for what it was, even if it was never reciprocated. And he expresses both of these things to Dean: that he loves him romantically and that he knows that Dean doesn't (can't) reciprocate.

And he's right, so there's really nothing Dean can say to that. Cas knows how Dean feels — that he loves him platonically, that Cas is (in Dean's own words) like a brother to him — and now Dean knows how Cas feels, but it doesn't change anything between them. Dean can't make himself love Cas like Cas loves him. But he also won't stop loving Cas like a brother just because he finds out that Cas's feelings are different, either.

So, while Cas's confession was poignant, it doesn't change who they are to one another or how they would exist in each other's lives.

Thus... there's nothing more to really say about it. The scene included its own catharsis, its own resolution. Setting aside the resulting grief/loss parts (due to Cas's death, not his words), both sides had reached a kind of peace with Cas's confession as it stood.

¹Although, early on, he was more accommodating of the perspective of some fans that it wasn't — clearly trying to be diplomatic — and today, he obviously sees less point in equivocating about that.

²In the past, Jensen's gotten annoyed by repeated assertions that Dean is bi, and people have seemingly mistaken this for him being homophobic or somehow opposed to the idea that Cas has romantic feelings towards Dean, but that interpretation doesn't make sense in the context of his statements as a whole. The problem is, if you're straight & people keep telling you they think you're gay, it's really hard to stop them without seeming like you think there's something wrong with being gay. But it's annoying to have your orientation constantly questioned, just like it's annoying to be misgendered or repeatedly mistaken for pretty much anything you're not.

(And yes, I get that Jensen isn't Dean, but when you're a straight man playing a straight man and people won't stop coming up to you to tell you that your idea of "a straight man" is totally gay/bi, then, yeah, they're basically saying that you're wrong about your own orientation: that you don't understand how a "real" straight man would react to x, y, or z. Basically, "mansplaining" (reverse-mansplaining?) your orientation to you. Or, at the very least, your acting.)

³It's challenging to talk about a relationship where on one side, you've got platonic love, and on the other side, you've got romantic love. If you call them friends, you seem to be dismissing the one person's romantic feelings. But there isn't a better term. That's why Jensen switches (somewhat fumblingly) between terms like "allies" and "friends" and "closest people."

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

I know I love to talk about the beautiful and joyous parts of sephardic culture and ill keep doing that because I believe we have incredible food, music, art, clothing, language, dance, and more to share with the world. I want people to enjoy our culture and to help preserve it.

however I also need people to understand there is so, so much pain and suffering behind these beautiful things. just like any other jews our joy cannot exist without sadness. the horrible things we have gone through is just as important to our stories as the wonderful things we've done and created

take for example: one of my favorite sephardic songs, adio querida (or kerida because we can't agree on spelling). I love this version. it is a beautiful, heartbreaking song yet without the historical context it sounds much emptier than it really is. this song is about the deep scarring caused by repeated exile and realizing that you'll never find a true home and your people have been wandering for so, so, so long. its the admittance that you loved a place so much and you thought you could live there forever only to realize that that was never going to be your life. this is a particularly sad example however my point still applies to happier things we have made because those are all heavily influenced by the fact that we have had to hide and run away for so so so long.

I would talk about how the Spanish inquisition and expulsion from various places in the MENA region has utterly decimated our culture and now there's just a few of us left to pick up the pieces. however we'd be here for days so let's not do that now

[fluff-n-cookies]

Hello :)

Could you please do and platonic Aizawa x daughter reader?

His daughter is in her teen years so she is being like really rebel and all that so they fought a lot, but one day she just breaksdown during one fight and starts crying and apologizing for being a shitty daughter?

I have been avoiding this for so long, and it's all because I have no idea how aizawa would handle something like this. because it goes against everything that Aizawa would try and teach his kid so this may be a little forcefully written, apologies.

TW : unhealthy parenting, mental illness, some suicidal thoughts, probably angsty shit, I dunno, read at your own risk.

We can start this by walking through how this may start in the first place. I think the best place to start is that reader's mom left her and Aizawa when she was very young, and Aizawa, assuming here he didn't understand how to properly tell her why her mother left her, never tells her why.

Now reader is very young so she might blame one of two things.

herself

her father

While both instances would technically work, I think the more favorable option is she blames herself since a young child would probably never blame an adult they look up to and hold dear as the problem.

Up to this point her father has been really kind to her so the only other variable is her, this spirals into social anxiety, low self esteem, and depression. all of which don't help when you have an absent mother and a neglectful father who is both a teacher and a full time hero, which leaves little to no room for children.

(this is also why I think it isn't realistic for Aizawa to keep Eri or a child without another non-hero caretaker. Fight me, I dare you.)

As time goes on, and this child becomes a teenager, she might not know how to properly express her feeling and after being misguided by factors like the internet, other adults, and "friends" she might take out the feeling of being abandoned on her closest caretaker and another source of her problems; Aizawa.

if you purposely yell at him or start arguments it's not going to be very fun because Aizawa has this complex where if his students or other heros represent incompetence or arrogance he expels them or ignores him rather than explaining it to them and helping them improve, this is especially with students.

and since he lacks a true connection with you as his daughter mainly because of his job(s) and past with Oboro which he is still trying to heal from keeping him from bonding with you, he'll treat you as a student like the rest of the teenagers he knows. and even then, you may actually be treated worse than his students because while he interacts with them daily, he interacts with maybe 1 hour every other day.

so from all that he simply ignores you, just stops interacting with you entirely, he's too tired for your bullshit. this action makes the wedge between you two even worse.

if you keep persisting though he will yell back but it's often really short and really loud. something like "SHUT UP" a cold "I don't care." before slamming the door in your face. He knows it's probably not right to do that to your daughter but let's face it. you're just this annoying teenager he legally has to live with if he doesn't want to lose his hero and teaching license.

this is where things actually get very interesting, because let's assume he stops approaching you entirely, you just live in the same house nothing more than that, and while you may act like you hate your father for ruining your family and neglecting you all your life on the outside, remember, you're still that little kid in second grade that blames yourself for your mother leaving and your father not caring for you.

so let's say you realize this and go back to blaming yourself for everything like you did when you where a kid but since your father stopped talking to you entirely explaining your faults to him maybe difficult.

this where my personal experiences come in, I've actually had this happen to me in my own life, and I truely hope that you'll enjoy it. thank you.

---------

why is it that the voices are the loudest in the dead of night?

the moon is gone, the birds are silent, there isn't a single light that shines on your tear streaked face, puffly, swollen, sad, just sad.

years of confusion, neglect, a lack of love in it's purest form.

all because of you.

it's all because of you.

it's sings so prettily, like it's a church choir spreading the word of the lord like it's common knowledge.

it's common knowledge that you are a terrible person!

it cackles.

the urge to strangle yourself to finally feel some relief has never been stronger.

lie awake in the dead of night, in pitch darkness, a proper scenery to match ones broken and cracked soul, be careful, you might hurt yourself, again.

however, one cannot weep in their wallows forever.

the night has to make way for the morning sun.

and a relaxed self pity has to make way to dread.

dread.

dread of him, he who you blame for everything, everything you know is your fault.

it's all your fault.

a click at the door,

the creak of the old wood and the hinges never oiled.

mild thumping footsteps that wander around the apartment that can barely hold your overflowing buckets of tears.

you can mumble out all your pleas.

pleas that this is all a terrible nightmare and your real life is actually one with a kind and loving mother and a supportive and encouraging father.

mumble out the little lies that you made up all these years to make yourself feel worse and other better.

"it's pointless to keep trying."

"I wish I wasn't here."

"why can't I just be happy?"

"it's all my fault,

it's all my fault,

it's all my fault."

the thin walls don't do those in mourning justice though.

for the wind is calm, the branches don't dare to move, the owls, the bats, the sleeping heros in training downstairs don't make a peep.

for the only ones alive, awake, aware, is a man beaten down and broken by society serving as it's protector, ignoring the one in most need of protection all this time. With him is a girl. a girl that's scared, scared of her mirror image that haunts her, a girl who's cried an ocean, screamed a thousand wails of pain, a girl lost in her own heart,

"No wonder no one loves you."

you lie again.

but keen ears trained from years of work with villains hears you, for the first time, he hears you.

not the rebellious teen he's seen yell out strings of pure hatred and fiery insults like he's her own worst enemy.

it's the girl who he saw waiting on the steps to their apartment all those years ago. waiting for her mama to come back home with the promise of cupcakes.

it's the girl who never smiled for the remainder of elementary school.

it's the girl who's heart withered way that autumn evening.

he heard the softest little voice in the dead of night. he heard his daughter cry

"No wonder no one loves you."

.

.

.

"But I love you."

for that whole night, for that whole night.

the peace was disturbed.

for that whole night, it seemed that the moon shone once again.

it may not be the sun. but it'll do for now.

Aizawa walked away shortly after that.

leaving a little girls and her mirror image to ponder.

ponder.

---------

Afterwards I don't think he'd talk about it too much, he's proabably approach you after breakfast the next morning and tell you "you can talk to him about it if you want." but not much more than that

he definitely would change his practices though. like getting you a therapist, taking the weekends off in favor of being around the house more.

he'll let you get used to his presence first like one would with a cat, and one day. maybe years later, or tomorrow, you'll talk to him.

you'll tell him you love him too.

and maybe.

just maybe.

the world will stop,

and everything will be okay.

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

Full hcs for the m6 with an MC that has chronic pain (I looked through the masterlists and didn't find anything, but it's totally possible that I missed something O///O)

The Arcana HCs: MC with chronic pain

Julian

He devotes his full care and attention to every person in need of a doctor he meets and you are about to get 200% of that

Will do a full examination as soon as you're able to talk to him about it. Give him your medical history, past diagnoses, personal opinions, potential causes, and any other detail you have

Listens to every word, writing them all down so intensely that his handwriting is even less legible than usual

In the moment, there's not much he can do beyond suggesting a few alternate ways of handling it and covering you with kisses and careful, all-encompassing sympathetic hugs

In the long run, chronic pain starts to rival (if not surpass) hematology as his field of study and expertise. Pain management does get easier over time as he learns and applies more

It has also changed how he speaks about pain

The earliest example of which was when he told you that he was "intimately acquainted" with it and you misinterpreted that as him saying that he suffers from it too - you still tease him for that

Your biggest medical advocate & never loses sympathy for you

Asra

They didn't really know how much you suffered from it until your first weeks back, and then they watched as you had to relearn how to live with it. To call it nightmarish would be an understatement

So, so, so many pain easing spells and potions. His collection was already impressive for Nadia's migraines but now it's tripled

Curious to the point of almost seeming insensitive about the sensations you experience. They did, with your permission, try linking to you enough to take them on once

He didn't like it. He can handle physical discomfort well enough but he hates it with a passion and this was a horrible realization

Thoughtful and protective of your right to comfort and access to accommodation, to the point that you sometimes have to remind them that you really can handle it

Asks you every morning and through the day how your pain levels are and will adjust accordingly. Bad pain day? Leave the shop to him, here are some meds, he'll bring you breakfast in a bit

Has been known to use pain transfer spells on rude customers during your flareups - it's two birds with one stone!

Nadia

Had a hunch that it was something you experienced from the moment she met you, if only because she was dealing with constant migraines at the time and recognized the pain

Does her best to hide it from you because she doesn't want to make your pain about herself, but gets frustrated beyond measure about it. She's a fixer, and this is something she can't just fix

She does everything she can for you, of course - opening the Palace doors to anyone with knowledge on the subject, stocking up and giving you access to all of her pain management methods

But it still gnaws at her when she knows you're having a bad pain day and the most she can do is encourage you to rest and have your meals sent to you and try to get extra time to spend with you

Even more proud of you than you can tell (which is very proud). Living in pain the way you do is no easy thing and that pain being largely "invisible" only adds to what you must be going through

Very respectful of your needs. It doesn't matter if she doesn't understand why you need something right away, if you need it, you need it

Muriel

It's not something he'll confess to until you're close enough and he's comfortable admitting it, but he has his own chronic pain from his Coliseum injuries. It's not constant, but it flares up regularly

A poorly healed fracture in his wrist. Some mangled nerve endings from blunt force trauma to his ribs. A wrenched knee that never fully healed and keeps coming back like a sprain

There's another layer to the days he spends hiding in bed, lifting nothing heavier than his tiny carving tools

He never really got much medical attention when the injuries were fresh and he certainly hasn't gotten any for the pain since, but he'll share all the knowledge on natural medicine he has

And nobody knows how physical pain can get into your head like he does. He doesn't always know what to say, but he is dedicated to listening when you're struggling and helping where he can

A little slower at accepting support for his own pain (it's months, if not years, before he's comfortable with being seen for it by a doctor) but he's with you every step of the way. You're not alone

Portia

Portia is excruciatingly empathetic to you and this is not something easy for her to understand or relate to

Pain? Physical pain?? Which you can't control, or point to an obvious/visible/curable source for??? How do you not act like you're in constant pain? How have you not found a cure?

(To say that she cringes when she remembers peppering you with these questions is an understatement. What matters is that she learned and she never doubted you for a second)

She still has difficulty fully comprehending what you're going through, but once she's dragged you to her brother and gotten some action items to follow up with, supporting you gets easier

Checks in with you several times a day on schedule and keeps a list of useful questions to ask so she can understand your pain levels

Always has at least two pain meds on hand in case of a spike or flare up and will scour the markets for any ingredients that she hears will help with pain/nerve damage/inflammation

Will bring Pepi to loaf and purr on you for hours when you need to stay in bed for the day and leaves treats on the bedside table

Lucio

He relates to this more than he wants to, but his own experience is so all over the place he doesn't know how to talk about it

Sure, he had chronic pain when he was a count, it's hard to have an emergency amputation done by an inexperienced student and then a decently weighty metal prosthetic for 20 years without it

But back then he had plenty of doctors and the kinds of resources to make managing it almost easy, not to mention the parties and pleasures he indulged in constantly to distract from it

And then for three years he felt nothing - nothing at all

At this point, he'd choose the pain over the ghost form any day, but that doesn't make it easy. Hearing you talk about your pain openly helps him realize it's possible to live with, even though it's difficult

So that's what he does. He'll live with his pain, and you'll live with your pain, and you'll both wake up to it with each other for company. He can do this

He'll still go as far as threatening any medical experts he finds with their demise if they refuse to see either of you and you're not there to stop him, though

[copperbadge]

Howdy! I am considering submitting manuscripts I've written to a publisher or possibly self publishing. The publisher states on their website that authors must maintain an active social media presence. I'm not normally a social media type, Tumblr is my only one. What would you reccommend for such? Is it worth it to pay someone to make a website for me? Thanks and many virtual kisses for Dot and Deebs!

Honestly, I haven't submitted to a publisher since before a lot of modern social media existed. :D

It is my understanding, but this is secondhand information, that publishers want you to have either a twitter or a tiktok, preferably both, where you're frequently active and have a high follower count, because they want you to be able to publicize your book on it. One of many reasons I don't even consider trad publishing anymore is that I don't want to spend a significant chunk of my time filming videos for the sole purpose of hawking my books.

Now, as I said, that's an inference I've drawn; you may want to speak to someone who has been trad published recently to get the inside scoop (readers if you work in publishing or have been published recently, feel free to add commentary; remember to comment or reblogs, as I don't repost asks sent in response to other asks). I do have an author website but I built my own; I don't know what the going rate is for paying someone to build one these days but most website platforms are pretty intuitive to use -- I built mine on Wordpress and I'm building a new one on Wix currently, and at this point both are very drag-and-drop oriented. I do think a website is a good thing for an author to have, but I wouldn't pay someone to build one for you until you've taken a swing at DIY and decided it's not where you want to spend your time and energy.

In terms of self-publishing, the good news is that none of the rules apply; this is also the bad news. :D Because the thing about selfpub is that you either pay or DIY for...everything. It can be very inexpensive; when I publish a book the only direct monetary cost is what I pay for an ISBN and a proof copy of the book, which I will make back in the first 10 sales or so. However, I am "paying" in man hours in terms of typesetting, cover design, uploading the PDFs to lulu.com, proofing the initial copy, correcting the proof and reuploading (which usually involves further typesetting), and of course all the publicity -- website design and redesign, copywriting, tumblr posting. And while my profit per copy sold is well above what most authors with traditional publishers will make, that's because the publisher is doing a lot of the work for you. And, because I don't have an active twitter or tiktok or a publisher, my books are not very widely publicized. Undoubtedly I sell fewer copies than I would if I had a robust twitter following, but catch me touching that rancid wasteland without inch-thick gloves on.

So -- I think it's probably pretty important to understand that I have deliberately rejected trad publishing for good but not lucrative reasons, and I'm considered at best an iconoclast and more commonly a crank for having done so. If you can go the tradpub route, I would, but I also wouldn't put any money you're not prepared to write off as a loss into that pursuit. Definitely I would see if there's anyone in the industry you can reach out to who can answer these questions with a more thorough understanding of what publishers look for in an author and how to go about achieving that than I possess.

In any case, good luck! It's a journey regardless and I hope you enjoy your time on the path wherever you end up. And I'll give the cryptids a special cuddle for ya.

[radicalexchange]

I am "radqueer" to an extent. I believe that terms such as "transdisabled" and "transrace" both dismiss the struggles of their respective communities, but I believe things such as "transage" are completely okay. I also think that "lesboys" and "mspec lesbians" are, for the most part, invalid identities. Even if I do have a negative opinion on lesboys and mspec lesbians, I do believe that the queer community has no need to go against eachother while we still have so many people attacking us as a whole. Queer people should come together to fight injustice against us, not fight our brothers, sisters, and others in arms.

Transdisabled and transrace are both terms that dismiss the struggle that both disabled people and people of color have both gone through for basic human rights, and in some disabled people's cases their struggle to have a stable life.

Transdisabled - As someone with Autism, I struggle with a ton of things socially due to my disability. A "transautistic" person just feels like a slap to my face, because they are taking the "silly" and "cute" parts of autism while dismissing the struggle that some actual autistic people go through on the daily. I can't even begin to understand why someone would "feel as though they were meant to have [disability]", because if you don't have it then you clearly weren't meant to and will never truely be able to see the world in the exact way they do. Not to mention how a lot of these "transdisabled" people inforce stereotypes of the disabilities they're "transitioning" to. I have lost friends and had close bonds with family severed because of things I've been hyperfixated on, my struggles with tone, and many more autistic traits. I've been denied certain things because "an autistic person won't be able to do that!", and I've been told "you're just being lazy and using your autisim as an excuse" while I was crying due to overstimulation. Being autistic is something that I personally wish wasn't apart of me at times, but as every disabled person will learn, my disability is a part of me that I will have to learn to live with and manage.

Transrace - I won't go in too much depth about "transracial" people, because I myself am not a person of color. In my opinion, "transracial" completely dismisses the struggles that people of color experience around the world. If you are white and "transition" to a different race, you will still never fully understand the struggle that people of color have getting jobs or the way they're judged on the street. Also, every time I've seen a "transracial" person they simply live based on the stereotypes of that race which sounds beyond insulting. Claiming to be apart of that race while still inforcing the harmful stereotypes that they've been fighting for years just screams loud and incorrect.

Transage & others - I can get behind some transids though, like transage or transspecies. The only issue I have with these sorts of identities is the romantic and sexual aspects, but from what I've experienced in my years on the internet that hasn't proved itself to be a problem outside of bait accounts. I understand the want to be older than you are, and feeling as though you were meant to be an adult or a child. Sometimes I too feel as though I know more than the average child, not intillectually, and that I would maybe function better as an adult. I've also experienced the feeling that I should be younger, because I am not very emotionally developed and if I were younger that wouldn't be a problem anymore. It's an understandable feeling, and something I myself have experienced at some points. I wouldn't say I am "transage" or whatever a person who's age is fluid would be called, but I can understand the appeal and I support those who identify as such.

As for lesboys and mspec lesbians? I believe that this issue shouldn't be a priority while queer people are still being arrested, assulted in public, denied jobs, and more for simply being queer. I disagree with the idea of mspec lesbians competely, but I can understand lesboys in some contexts. But in the end, who am I to judge two consenting people in a relationship? It's not my place to decide what you do in your freetime, as long as both parties are okay with it.

Lesboys - I disagree with the idea of lesbian men, as the definition of lesbian is "non men loving non men". Though I can understand genderfluid people or nonbinary transmasc people being lesbians, and using the term "lesboy" to describe their experiences. Transmasculine people are not always "men", they are "masculine". I dislike the idea of a transgender man being a lesbian, because it defeats the purpose of "non men loving non men".

Mspec lesbians - The term "lesbian" is not an umbrella term for any nonman who loves nonmen. If you're looking for an umbrella term that accurately describes this, the term would be "sapphic". If you are a non man who loves men, you are by definition not a lesbian.

[arumnous]

𝐘𝐎𝐔'𝐑𝐄 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐄 𝐍𝐎𝐖.

"ɢᴏᴅᴅᴇꜱꜱ" ᴡᴀɴᴅᴀ x ꜰ! ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ!

TW: Idk, I'm not good with this type of shit ;-;

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"Do you love me?"

That question dripped from her divine tongue like addicting honey, encasing your vulnerable little heart with everlasting warmth.

Because that's what she was, a divine being, sent from the... Gods above to bless this filthy land of yours with prosperity and protection.

And you. You were nothing but her obedient disciple, you and all those other peasants preached her power, muttering prayers to her name and many even desiring her love itself.

Your words struggled to find it's way of escape, your mind too invested in the way her teeth grazed in the crook of your neck.

How did you get here was never really a question you wanted to be answered, the only thing that you needed to know was... Why? Why you?

You felt her breath go up to your ear, her voice barely above a mice's squeek while she whispered. "Tell me your answer my love."

Was it because of the fact that you gave your all to her? Devoting, preaching and believing in each single syllable that leaves her lips.

Or was it because of those nights you've thought of her, it wasn't that bad the first time, it was just a thought of her pretty face flashing in your head.

But it got worse, your thoughts—well more like fantasies now, it grew slowly but surely to the point where you'd find yourself drunk of lust and neediness of her touch, only to be forced to settle on your own foreplay.

Her tone brought nothing but pleasure and shivers up your spine. You then responded, your face contorting to furrow your brows as to prevent those lewd sounds from slipping out of your throat.

"I love you dearest. You know that."

A gruff and scratchy chuckle rumbled from her, only making you cower even more in her touch.

"I do, why wouldn't I know such a thing. Am I right darling?"

And oh boy, did you enjoy the first night where she had her way with you on her throne. But that was a story for another time.

Did you question it? No. Were you confused and numb the next day? FUCKING HELL YES.

"Mhmm, you are. You always are." Although your words were like incoherent blabbering to anyone else who'll hear it, to this.. Goddess before you, it was just something to add coal in her already scorching desire to make you hers.

"Then... Will you agree, if—" She seemed to hesitate with her actions, softening her grip on your neck as she slightly parted away. She found her voice once again, albeit being lower than before, she still manages to mutter. "We were to ever be together forever?"

You felt confused, weren't the two of you already together?

Like the first drop of water in a drizzle, she sensed your confusion. "What I mean is... Will you agree? To be—.. Immortal, and to live together with me?— For the rest of eternity." Like the rushing of a river, her words were quick, almost a little too hard to understand, but you managed.

You cackled, your laugh echoing in her chambers walls as you threw your head back.

This ticked off something in her. You couldn't have been laughing at her! Right? You would never do that! You loved her too. That was what you said, and that was what rung in your mind whenever she was allowed by you to enter it.

You placed your forehead on hers, looking directly in her green pupils with pure love and adoration. "My dear, I would go through hell and back just to get the chance of being in your arms for the rest of time."

Oh.

You fluttered your eyes to look down at her soft, plump and perfectly pink lips, biting your own in between your teeth as your mind started to wander into dark and... Odd thoughts.

A smile grew on her face, pecking yours swiftly before she giggled out. "You wouldn't have to do that"

Oh God all mighty. Did that giggle drive you crazy. "Hmm.. Why so?" Your fingers tangled themselves in her fiery red locks, pulling her in impossibly closer to you.

"Because I will be there with you." She parted away, kneeling and inhaling deeply while she looked down at you, her eyes filled with... Something you couldn't decipher.

"Wh—... Where are you going?" She can't just leave you here waiting so desperately for her intoxicating love! She started this! She needed to finish it.

"Oh I'm not going anywhere." She slid her hand to grasp your shoulder and the other to your wrist, pushing your body down gently on her reflective floor and planting a tender kiss on your palm.

You've always loved it when she did that, pestering your body all over as to show you not only her affection, but reassurance as well.

"Be ready my love, for your legs will most likely shake for the rest of the night"

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The thick walls of her castle muffled the shivering of your voice, giving her nothing else but a sense of satisfaction as her fingers moved painfully slow inside your bundle of sensitive nerves.

Your brows were furrowed, eyes closed while your lips felt dry with each heavy breath you took in, you weren't sure what time it was, all that you knew was how intoxicating the torturous yet pleasurable sensation of your release being deprived from you was, as if you were nothing but a puppy anticipating the reward from your masters hand.

Her movements went even slower, making you whine as you reached your hand out to hers. "Are you close, darling?" Was what she asked, parting your legs a little more wider to drill her eyes on your wonderful arousal, and admiring the wet and sweet substance dripping from it.

"Answer me, you know what happens when you don't tell your Goddess what you want... Right?" Her tone made you clench your hole, and arch your bare back, your front making contact with her clothes as she hummed at your actions.

A gasp broke through your lungs, whilst you jolted up, feeling that very same spot that made you quiver, being assaulted oh-so gently while she nibbled on your pink buds.

"I am! I am!" You spat a flurry of profanities, whimpering in ecstasy as you felt the knot about to break.

"Wanda, please."

Hearing her name be said by you with no sense of any emotions other than desperation, set her off— hearing her name, with no proper honorifics at all was something new.

You did nothing but grip her arms, your release tiring and exhausting as ever while she flicked her eyes at your form, switching from one detail to another.

This meant you were hers now, right?

Oh no.

She dipped her head in between your thighs, you—still trying to catch your breath paid her no mind at all, but once that slippery muscle burrowed into you like how a worm burrows under the ground for shelter, it made you freeze.

Oh fucking hell no.

"Don't think we're done [Name] That was merely nothing but a warm up, we still have a few hours to waste."

Oh you pretty little girl

You have no idea what you got yourself into... Do you?

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Hi, hello. I'm not really sure what I want to do with this, like, do you guys want a series? Or only like, oneshots? Or both? Like i said, i have no fucking clue. So please help.... Please?

[bts-hyperfixation]

Outside of the Fox

Chapter 38 of????

2634 words

Y/N longs for a new life when the one she’d been living comes to an abrupt stop. Without much thought to those she is leaving behind, the little fox packs a backpack and disappears. She stumbles across the shelter and makes an interim home for herself while she works out exactly what she wants from her second chance.

Last

You wake up to the same squeezing feeling settled around your chest, although that could also be the weight of Jungkook's arms as the bunny holds you tightly even in his sleep. 

All things considered, you had slept quite soundly, you just wish someone had told your body that as it tries to tell you how exhausted you are. 

You do your best to worm your way out of the youngest's embrace, disturbing him only slightly before he turns around and gathers Jimin into his arms instead. You take one more look at their sleeping forms before tip-toeing out of the room. No one is sitting in the living room making your escape easier as you slip silently through to the front door. 

You aren't really sure where you are going, you just know one more minute in the house is going to make you combust. So you walk for a while, you pass your old office, pass the restaurant you went to the day you met  Jimin, pass Hobi's karaoke shop. You continue going until nothing around you is familiar and then your stomach starts to growl. 

You walk into the first cafe you see and sit yourself in a booth at the back, taking a deep breath as you finally take stock of the position you are now in. The cafe is mostly empty with one other customer in the far corner and two waitresses who look more than a little annoyed that you have invaded their space. The elder of the two hands you a menu and waits to take your order. You barely take any notice, pointing to the first thing under the breakfast title. 

With nothing left to distract you from the fear, it starts creeping back in; A remnant phobia from the hybrid genes mixed with your sheltered childhood. An instinct that tells you to disappear before you're trapped again. 

Your mind runs through the previous day countless times. How ready you had been to fight for Taehyung and his freedom, only for his solution to be to trap you with him. The logical section of your brain tries to remind you that he is not trying to collect or ensnare you, that this may be his best shot to stay with you and the other members of your relationship. 

The emotional side of you however can't quite get over how much your new life has come to resemble your previous one. Living in someone else's home, no career to call your own, and now a convenient trophy on the arm of another rich man... 

A stack of pancakes is placed in front of your face bringing you out of your miserable monologue but instead of finding the aging waitress, you find Noelle beaming down at you.

"Y/N! Long time no see," She smiles.

The mouse hybrid invites herself to sit with you, sliding into the booth opposite.

"Although it feels like I'm all caught up with the amount Jimin talks about you at the shelter," 

She reaches out and takes a berry from the side of your plate. You do your best to smile in return at her, before today you may have actually been thrilled to see Noelle since she was right, it had been a long time. But right now didn't feel like a socialising time.

"Perhaps I'm not all caught up judging by that sour look in your eye... Maybe a new set of ears can help?" She offers.

"I don't know. It's a lot, I'm not sure I fully understand my issues, I wouldn't want to burden you,"

"You're my friend Y/N, you could never be a burden to me. And if you're not at home talking this out with the seven wonderful men that dote on your every whim, then I think you need the outside ear... Am I wrong?" 

Noelle takes your hand from the table and holds it in her own, doing her best to reassure you. 

You ponder it for a moment, but she is right an outside opinion might help your brain to rationalise, although perhaps you should think about booking your own session with Dr. Triever instead...

Still, you relay the entire situation starting from your 16th birthday all the way up to today. And she listens to you patiently, not interrupting once even when you stray from the main subject on to distracting details, although she does steal a few bites of your breakfast. 

"And so I've landed at the point where I know I have to marry Tae, and I love him so that's okay! I'm just having a lot of trouble getting my instincts to retreat. My hackles raise every time I think about it, and honestly it's making my back start to ache."

"Have you considered not saying yes to marrying Tae?" Noelle suggests.

"Of course not. If I don't marry him then he and that poor girl are going to be forced together. I know what that's like and I won't let it happen to someone I love." 

"No, you'll just let it happen to you a second time," She rolls her eyes. "Okay, let's start with an easier part of the equation. Jimin said you had put a lot of the funds behind the new renovations, doesn't that make it your house, not just theirs anymore?"

"I mean, I guess? But it's not what I had in mind. My name isn't on any of the paperwork for the land, and I really did think I was going to live all on my own in the world."

"Living on your own is not all it's cracked up to be, trust me. I'd give anything for a cuddle some nights, especially during storms," She shudders dramatically. "And you gave up your job yourself, but I'm 100% sure we could get you another one if that is an issue, but I think your brain is just searching for reasons to run. Really think about it, how much do you mind not working?"

You do think about it. And maybe spending your time in the house was far more satisfying than going to your nine to five. But it's still the principle of the matter. You had promised yourself that you were going to do it on your own. Now you've failed.

And that's really the crux of it. Not that you're living with the boys, not that you've dipped into your money, not that you find yourself suddenly betrothed. It's the fact that you have perceived yourself as failing. Unable to prove that you could take care of yourself in the big bad world that your parents worked so hard to protect you from. 

You let Noelle in on your thoughts as she finishes off your breakfast for you.

"The way I see it, you haven't failed yourself. You've just found something more suitable instead. But if your stomach is still in knots about it, it's better to run now than on the day of the wedding," She shrugs. 

"You make an excellent point," You concede.

________________

With the food gone, and your heart somewhat unsqueezed, you and Noelle head back into the world. You walk her back as far as the shelter. You intend to leave her at the door, but Jimin sees you through the window before you can make your escape.

You contemplate running, pretending you didn't see him. But a confrontation is on the cards either way and it's probably better to get it over with than let Jimin drive his colleagues insane through the course of the day. Plus the man is far faster than he looks and he is stood in your path before you would've been able to escape anyway.

"Where the hell did you go?" The redhead tries to sound stern, but his voice cracks in the middle, your heart along with it, "You didn't wake anyone, you didn't answer your phone, you didn't even leave a note. Why?"

"I couldn't breathe, I didn't really think about it, I just knew I had to move," You answer honestly.

He sighs and glances around you, noticing the audience that seems to be gathering in the windows

He wraps an arm around your waist pulling you into him, and his other hand lands in your hair smoothing it down. He shuffles the two of you into the shadows of the building instead of standing out in the open where anyone can look out and see you there.

"Obviously you're not okay so I'm not going to ask you that... Are you... Is there anything I can do?"

"No, it's not your problem it's mine."

"Was it the proposal? I think that caught us all off guard and Taehyung doesn't expect you to go through with it."

A dry laugh escapes your mouth before you can stop it. Jimin takes a step back and meets your eyes.

"You don't believe me?" 

"I believe you that he doesn't expect me to go through with it, but I think we all know that I have to... and I want to! honestly, I do. I'll do anything so you guys don't, so we don't, lose Taehyung. I just need to get my head around it."

"I think you should go home Y/N. Talk with Jin or Namjoon, although maybe avoid Kookie and Taehyung until you can lie more convincingly than you did to me just now," He pecks your forehead and lets you go fully, "I'm so glad you're safe."

He sends you away with a promise to text him when you return home. You drag your feet the entire way knowing that Jimin is right and you need to talk through everything with a voice of reason. Jin might be the obvious choice, while a clown the majority of the time, his clinical doctor side allows him to separate emotion from sensitive topics. Something tells you that he isn't what you need right now. 

So when you reach the main house you walk inside the unfinished building and straight into Namjoon's new office finding him sitting at his new oak desk, just stroking the wood. He startles as your hand lands on his shoulder. 

"Shit Y/N, where did you come from?" He clutches at his chest dramatically. 

You flop down onto the new armchair as you wait for him to recover from his mini heart attack. He sits silently observing you for a moment too long until you start to wiggle uncomfortably.

"Are you ready to talk about it?" He reaches out a hand and places it on your knee. 

You thought you were, but the concern in his voice makes you hesitate. You just shake your head in response instead. 

"Okay, then let's not talk. Stand up." He stands too. 

He switches places with you sitting down in the armchair and pulling you back into his lap. He manhandles you until you're curled up on his knees with your face nuzzled into his neck. His fingers trace patterns along your thighs and the two of you sit in silence. 

The tightness in your chest is still there, curling up in Namjoon's arms is doing nothing to assuage that feeling but it still feels nice everywhere else. You think about what Noelle said about finding a new goal for yourself and you let yourself sniff Namjoon's comforting firewood scent. 

"I missed you this morning," He whispers in your ear. 

 "I'm sorry,"

"Don't be sorry, you needed space and that's okay. I just wanted you to know I missed you," 

He pecks your cheek and you continue sitting in silence. The rope around your heart seems to release, just a little as you allow yourself this comfort. 

"I love you," You whisper.

"I love you too," He confirms.

"I love all of you,"

"But you aren't ready to marry Taehyung, or any of us for that matter." He guesses

"I don't think so no... But I can't let Taehyung leave. I know better than anyone how it feels to be in a marriage you didn't choose. And it's so much worse for Taehyung, no one ever threatened me, I didn't have anyone I loved that I had to leave."

"We can think of other solutions for Tae Y/N. We aren't going to let you put yourself in a situation you don't truly want ."

"You don't know families like Tae's, families like mine. There isn't another option. I'm just going to suck it up and marry Taehyung."

"Ah yes, what every man wants to hear his fiance 'suck it up and marry him'" Namjoon chuckles.

You roll your eyes at his unserious response and start to wonder whether you should have gone to see Jin instead. 

"Look, this whole situation sucks for all of us, but there are other options we need to consider as a family, this burden doesn't lie on you. Now tell me what else is going on, because the proposal may have been a catalyst but it isn't the whole problem, I can see it in your eyes." 

"It's nothing," You sigh 

"If it's something, then it's everything. You listen to all our problems so often but won't let us listen to yours." He chastises.

"That's because you guys have real problems, I have stupid insecurities that have no basis in reality. There is no point in me bothering you with superficial issues."

"if it bothers you then it's not superficial and you should be talking to one of us. It doesn't have to be me, but I would love nothing more than for you to be able to confide in me."

"Really Joonie it's silly." You assure him.

"Tell me anyway," he insists. 

You contemplate confessing more of your issues. Realistically you know that he does actually want to help you but you also know the burden he already holds, having everyone else's concerns on his shoulder, you want nothing more than to lighten the load for him, not pile more on. However, you also know he won't drop it. 

"If I tell you, you have to promise you won't make a big deal out of it. It's my issue and it's something I will get over by myself,"

"Scouts honour," He crosses his heart.

"I'm fairly certain you weren't a scout," You raise an eyebrow.

"The sentiment still stands," He shrugs, "Now tell me."

So you tell him what you told Noelle. He listens intently to each minor problem, each insecure thought, and he doesn't say a word. But you can see the cogs turning in his brain as he tries to come up with solutions. As you finish speaking, you hold a finger up to his lips.

"But I..." He tries to speak around your finger but you just press harder against his lips.

"You promised," you chastise. 

He smirks and your finger slips past his lips and onto his tongue. 

He pulls on your wrist to remove the digit from his mouth but not before licking along the length.

"If you really don't want my opinion I won't give it... but I would love for you to sign your name on the lease." he suggests

"That sounds like a solution I didn't ask for," You complain.

"But it's an easy solution that makes so much sense, don't you think?"  He sounds far too excited, probably because he is right.

"Maybe... but I still need to come to terms with all these issues on my own Joonie," you enforce the boundary.

"And I will let you... if you let me distract you from those issues for a little while." He says suggestively.

"And how do you propose you do that?" You ask innocently.

He responds by replacing your finger in his mouth and using his now free hand to trace back up the inside of your thigh.

Next

Masterlist

[vanilladove]

hiii hello vani<3 may i request smt angsty with dazai and reader in which he’s acting neglectful/unfaithful as a partner and you just deal with it? but you don’t hate him or anything you’re just really sad about it hehe tysm ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

☾⋆.ೃ࿔* ghostin

gif creds fybugoustraydogs | divider creds benkeibear

₊ ⊹☁ pairing: dazai x gn!reader

₊ ⊹☁ genre: angst :,)

₊ ⊹☁ content warnings: distant/neglectful relationships; canon mentions of double suicide bc dazai lol...i couldn't bring myself to write a cheating dazai i'm sorry T~T inspired by ghostin + better off by ariana grande!

₊ ⊹☁ word count: 1.9k

You shivered under the cold sheets when your alarm had woken you up. The space next to you was empty, your lover nowhere to be found.

It had been like this for months now, but it was nothing new due to the nature of his job. Dazai always became distant right before handling a new enemy for the Armed Detective Agency. He only disclosed vague details to you, explaining that withdrawing himself was a way to protect you since he didn’t want enemies knowing about you. Before leaving, he’d muttered something about keeping you away from “the demon”.

But you had to admit, the feeling of being 'safe' from a far away, unknown enemy didn't compare to being wrapped in your lover's arms, the soft kisses on your forehead, gently running your hands through his brown fluffy hair, and whispering sweet nothings to eachother. You missed his corny jokes and the nights you two would have together after drinking too much sake, giggling on the floor and watching the stars on your open balcony—Dazai always pointing out the constellations and telling you the stories and lore behind each one.

He had been staying at a secret location far from your shared apartment, so the sheets didn’t smell like his musky, warm cologne anymore. The space felt ghostly now, and hanging out with your friends barely helped. Stirring a sugar cube and cream into your morning coffee, the things they said repeated in your head.

“Just break up with him..."

"You don’t deserve someone who ignores you—especially if he puts work above you…”

"He's definitely cheating on you with all the travel he's always away on..."

Your friends didn’t understand though. They didn’t understand the depth of your relationship or how Dazai loved you. He was a reserved man; he didn't let anyone into his heart, always putting on a flamboyant front to mask his true self. Even becoming his partner and finally moving in with him was a feat in itself and was something he'd hesitantly accepted. You knew he had a traumatic upbringing and that the ones he cared for eventually left his life, often in a tragic way; the last thing his broken heart could take was losing you.

Which was why you put up with the cold sheets in the morning, the single serving meals, and all the sad movie nights alone—because deep down, you knew he cared about you. Your lonely conscious couldn't handle any other explanation.

You tiredly shaped the triangular onigiri filled with snow crab and placed it in the wooden bento box, along with some tamagoyaki and salad, savoring the momentary heat in your hands. It was Dazai's favorite lunch—something you used to pack for him everyday. You forcibly dragged yourself out of bed to make it for him after receiving a text—from an unknown number, of course—that he was stopping by the apartment to grab something. You knew it was futile waking up early; it wouldn't stop him from leaving with no explanation, from not being targeted by the port mafia, the hunting dogs, or "the demon". How silly and lovesick you were.

Closing the lid, you put the dishes in the sink and placed a piece of bread into the toaster, staring intently as you waited for it to finish, which seemed like forever. You took a sip from your mug, cringing when the lukewarm liquid touched your tongue. Shit, your coffee had gone cold. That never happened when he was still there.

The lock clicking snapped you out of your somber thoughts, and you turned your head around to face the self-inviting visitor. Gaze softening, you admired the tall man in front of you, wrapped in a tan trench coat, which you instinctively slipped off from behind him, his tense shoulders relaxing under your fingertips as you draped the coat on a nearby chair. Wordlessly, you both exchanged melancholic glances before Dazai made the first move, stepping forward to close the space between you two. His slender fingers slowly came up to caress your face, the foreign touch making your cheeks heat up. Leaning forward, he closed his eyes and placed a soft kiss on your cold lips, "Hi, bella."

Forcing yourself to open your lids again and not overindulge in the much needed contact, you smiled at your lover, but it didn't quite connect back to your eyes, "Welcome hom—errr—back...You needed something from here, right?" You replied, choosing your words carefully so he couldn't hear your evident desperation.

Dazai blinked carefully, "Yeah, a flash drive. It's in one of the kitchen cabinets. Is it fine if I look around for a bit?" You nodded, looking down at the tiled floor and smiling at nothing. Dazai was always like that, hiding important things in the most impractical places as a precaution. As he fished through the cabinet, he turned his head briefly to look down at the abandoned mug sitting on the counter, "Is that for me?"

You wiped the nostalgic grin off your face, reaching for your coffee, which you'd made in Dazai's usual mug, "A-Ah, no. It's mine, sorry," Dazai raised an eyebrow at you, "I made it earlier this morning, but it's cold now. I'll make you some more." You offered, trying to brush off his suspicions and the strange looks he was giving you.

He sighed, stroking your hair lightly, "It's fine, darling, brew yourself a new cup, and I'll drink this one." He gave you one last reassuring pat before picking up the mug and slipping away into your shared room to look for something else, giving you no time to protest. What seemed like a sweet gesture really had a double meaning: I'm not staying long enough for a new batch of coffee, so I'll just take the cold cup.

A pit formed in your stomach as you dumped out the used coffee filter and reached for a new one. Your vision started to blur, stopping you before you could open the lid of the coffee grounds. Wet drops falling on the back of your hands made you realize you were crying. Instinctively, you brought your hands up to cover your mouth and block any sobs from Dazai, who was still next door in your bedroom.

Stop it.

You tried to coerce yourself, but you couldn't help it. The despair was too agonizing; to have the one you needed most close to you but not being able to tell them to stay, to hold you, especially since you knew how precious you were to him—if you asked, he'd drop everything to stay the night with you. Everyone at the ADA was aware of that, which was why they'd sat you down and conveyed that you couldn't dote too much on Dazai. You understood that and had stayed by his side anyways, knowing that being with him sometimes was better than never. Even if it broke your heart in the process. Even if it meant crying silently in the kitchen while your lover was in the next room, oblivious to the tears wetting your sleeves.

Deep down, you wished he would notice the pain you were in. You wished he would text and call you more or at least take you out to dinner and do special things when he'd finally come back, but he always resumed your daily routines almost like he'd never left. It made your heart ache, feeling like he disregarded his long leaves and their effects on you. You sniffled quietly and quickly wiped your tears away upon hearing rustling from the bedroom doorway signaling that Dazai was almost done grabbing what he needed.

Inhaling deeply, you breathed in and out slowly to calm your frantic heart and turned to the side to face the counter as your partner walked back into the kitchen.

"Found what you were looking for?" You asked, trying to cover your face with your hair and sneakily wipe away any residual tears.

Dazai swiftly passed by you, going towards the chair to slip his trench coat back on and grab the lunch you'd made him. "Yeah, I found it. Thanks for the bento and coffee by the wa—" Your eyes widened as he trailed off mid-sentence, all of a sudden feeling his presence next to you. He bent down to peer over at your face, evidently still swollen and a bit red from crying.

He rotated your body towards him and pushed the stay hairs from your face, intently observing your features. "Bella, have you been crying?" He stroked your cheeks delicately, "And your eyebags are so dark...have you been getting enough sleep?" He looked genuinely worried, peering into your eyes for any sort of insights, but it was too hard to maintain eye contact with him.

"I'm fine...I—" You muttered, words trapped in your throat.

Tell him you miss him. That you don't want him to leave you again.

No, don't! Let him walk out as usual. Your sadness isn't worth letting a countless number of innocent people get harmed or killed.

Thoughts conflicting and wearing your tired soul out, you only mustered a weak smile, placing your cold hands on top of Dazai's. "If I died now, would you still die with me?"

"What?"

"You promised we'd commit a double suicide together. Would you still—" Dazai's arms wrapped around you, pulling you into him, his warmth and comforting scent making tears fall again, not knowing the next time he would be back. You cursed yourself internally for breaking down in front of him, but you couldn't hold your emotions in any longer. He only held you silently, running his hands through your hair as you sobbed into his chest. You felt lightheaded, crying for several minutes, the only condoling things being the scent of Dazai's cologne and the way he held you to remind you he was still with you.

You looked up from his chest, gazing into his chocolate brown eyes, which were swirling with uncertainty. A pained expression was on his face, no doubt from your actions. "I'm sorry, my love. I'm so sorry..." He lifted your face up to kiss your lips gently and kiss away your salty tears before pulling you back into his chest. "I was selfish to think you wouldn't be hurt by me always being away. I tried to turn a blind eye to focus on work, but..." He exhaled shakily, "...somehow I always hurt the people closest to me...even the one I love the most."

Dazai squeezed you tighter in his arms, "I love you, and I know we'll get past this, darling. I don't expect you to forgive me, but please, please don't think of resorting to that." He cradled your face, forcing you to look up at his broken eyes.

This was the power you had over him. Prison, criminals, and even the mafia couldn't break him anymore, but your tears could melt his gaudy, confident facade instantaneously and bring him to his knees. Exactly what everyone warned you about.

You nodded slowly, the last of your cry session being wiped away by Dazai's thumbs. You hugged him back, listening as his rampant heartbeat went back to normal, staring off to the side.

"Listen, bella, I'm going to be gone for a few months. I suspect I'm going to be arrested and sent to a high-security prison...probably somewhere overseas. We won't—we won't be together for a while." You heaved, holding your breath, "But," He turned your head to face him, "I'm going to stay here for a couple of days until then. Is that okay?"

Before you could think, you crashed your lips on his, and Dazai only happily kissed back, smiling, grateful to have cheered up his love again.

"Y-Yeah, that's fine. I love you, Osamu." You sniffled back. He could stay forever if he wanted to, but you'd take a few days.

"I love you, too, bella. I always will, even when I'm not with you. Enough for the both of us."

[magicxc]

Frenemies

Pairings: Survey Corps - people they cannot STAND

Word Count: 1076

Warnings: none

A/N: Idk man I love a good tussle jskksks. Like give me two characters who absolutely hate each other! And with AOT I really don't have to look too far, yay. This is basically canon but it's funny to think about so here it is as well. 

Eren  - Jean, Weak People

I think the Jean one gets over exaggerated a little, and for good reason too, cause the girlies be EATING with those tropes. But at the end of the day they have a mutual understanding and are cordial at best. They're mostly cool because they share mutual friends and spaces but it’s no longer beef per se. 

Hear me out, I don't think anyone wiping out 80% of humanity is willing to kick it with people who aint about it. Mans need someone who’s willing to stand on business behind him. Even throughout the show he’s always admitted to not liking people who’s willing to live like “livestock.” So this is not to be confused with physically weak people by the way but psychologically weak people. Essentially Eren has beef if you’re willing to take it lying down. 

Levi - Zeke

Listennnn I LIVE for their fight scenes okay lmao. Like it's almost always on sight for them and their lil jabs at one another? It’s chucklessss for me omg. Lets be clear, their beef is absolutely warranted. It can be safely argued that Levi doesnt really care for most people but Zeke?? Oh baby its all smoke for him. 

Erwin - The Government 

I swear if it wasn't for the literal fate of humanity and his brewing theory Erwin would've just said fuck it cause baybeeee, they wanted that man GONE. They've tried to get him fired, pointed guns in his face, and built a whole ass guillotine to unalive him; in front of the entire town mind you. Maybe that was the custom back then I don't know. I don’t remember Erwin outright saying that he doesn't fuck with the government but fuck it, I’ll say it for him. Cause I'll stand ten toes down behind this one here. 

Connie - Ymir

I promise you I let out a nasty ole chuckle at the thought cause he don't even dislike her fr fr. I think it's a situation similar to Eren and Jean's in the sense that their friends and environment often see them in the same places. Because if we’re being real, not only do they have little in common but they just don't really vibe like that. I think they could've been a little more cordial but Ymir be on her own timing and it's usually at the expense of the squad. Like when she made fun of Connie for suspecting his mother was a titan or when she kidnapped Historia like 3 times and put them all in danger. And I can't even be mad at Connie for being the voice of reason cause him calling her ugly was simply the truth. I, too, reared back when I first saw Ymir's titan form. 

Jean - Eren, Reiner, Annie, Bertholt

The whole Eren thing is basically squashed but it’s worth noting that if he were to see him in public, he’d walk the other way. 

I lowkey had to dig deep for this one cause I genuinely forgot. But even though they’re all kumbaya now, those three bitches literally watched his homie get half his face chewed off by a titan. Jean is absolutely pouring one out for Marco every birthday by the way, but yeahh it’s still fuck them. Like if they were playing uno stacked, he’d save all his draw 4’s and make them draw 16. 

Onyankopon - Yelena

I'm not too sure that Ony dislikes anyone honestly. But I'm going with Yelena here mostly because she’s the reason he found himself in his current predicament. On what was supposed to be a solid plan in motion to save his people quickly turned into Ony modernizing a primitive people, helping build their resources from scratch, having people question his race (and I'm willing to bet my bottom dollar it was mfs that got ignorant), seeming untrustworthy among his peers, almost getting killed, fighting in a war he had nothing to do with, and probably losing his entire family in the rumble. Now, one or two of those things were inevitable, but if you were to view things from Ony’s POV everything went to shit over a bitch with a fatal attraction to a man with daddy issues. 

Reiner - Himself

Lmaooo I LOVE a good Reiner drag. And while this started out as a joke, I'm deadass now. This man stays talking about wanting to end it all but never follows through, smh. With lots of therapy and support, I genuinely think that Reiner would be on the road to recovery and a healthy lifestyle; but there’ll always be that lingering thought on if he’s worth it or not

Honorable mention: Ymir. But solely because she would get in the way of his fantasy life with Historia. 

Armin - Floch? 

This munchkin is damn near Tanjiro levels of sweet cause omg who does he even hate??? He is always looking for the good in people and I'm about to dislocate my shoulder reaching this hard BUT, hear me out - It’s Floch even if he doesn’t outright say it. The same Floch who damaged the flying boat and almost ruined their mission before it even started? The same Floch who fucked it up so bad that Hange had to sacrifice herself which resulted in Armin taking on an even bigger responsibility? The same Floch who got in a lil too close with his bestie Eren? Close enough to be trusted with his future plans? The same Floch who when he lay on that ground bleeding Armin was nowhere in sight? Even at the port where they attacked the Yeagerists and Armin got shot in the face, he pleaded with his old comrades to stand down but Floch is beneath that level of reasoning huh? Whether Armin despises Floch or not it's safe to say if Floch were getting jumped, Armin would definitely sneak in a kick before helping. 

Floch - Erwin

This is literally one of those cases where its like I disagree but I understand lol. That man legit made them do a suicide charge and yeah he lead the charge blah blah blah but I could never be that brave. And so that resentment is understandable but in all fairness it shaped Flochs character for the better to be honest; cause that whole pwussy boi arc was annoying. 

Also adding the main cast of the Scouts lmao. They thwarted his plans and he spent his DYING breath standing on business. Gotta respect it.

Tags - @eveningatthemoviesnetwork

[incandescentflower]

Things I am still curious about/clamoring for as we keep going with Wandee Goodday in no particular order:

(some things we know will happen, others are mere speculation or what I personally want to see)

-Finding out what happened to Dee's parents. And does it have to do with his flashback he had on the crosswalk? If not, what is that about?

-Finding out what exactly happened to Yak's mother. Is there hinting that Dee's family had an accident related to Yak's mom's death - maybe, maybe not -there were emergency sirens but that could be from heart attack or other acute emergencies - there was no sign of external injuries during that scene, but anyone who watches dramas knows that these kind of coincidences are common to set up conflict

-Getting to know the deal with Yak's father (and step-mother, who is in MDL credits)?

-Finding out who Luke is playing?? I can't even fathom at this point.

-MEETING KAO'S LOVE INTEREST (I will not ask if there will be one and will flip tables if he doesn't get one.) I will die laughing if it is Luke because that seems so weird to me, but shows have surprised me before. Still rooting for you, rando handsome bodyguard.

-More grandma time. We are getting to see her next episode and she needs to hang around more. I want her to become Yak's cool grandma too, no question.

-Taem helping Yak face his feelings. I think Yak already knows pretty well, but I think he thinks Dee doesn't return them so he's better off trying with Taem, which if true, is a little funny because Taem is the one who has clearly given Yak an answer. But that means his whole scheme is pretty safe, actually. He says he doesn't want to risk losing her but he already knows he won't. Dee on the other hand...

-I would specifically love to see Yak confess to Taem and come to fully understand in the process how he doesn't feel for Taem anymore the way he feels for Dee.

-I can't wait for the Thai travel ad episode where Cher and Yei get to go on a couple date with Yak and Dee. Just more Cher and Yei in general, kthanks, show

-I am seated for the moment when Yak realizes that Ter is going after Dee and gets pissed. Yak is one who is so calm that him getting truly angry is something to look forward to with interest. This Yak seems very different from pilot trailer Yak in that regard and I want to see if that holds up. I'd like a little Yak jealousy, but mostly I want to see Yak standing up for Dee because based on how he is characterized I think his biggest problem is going to be that Ter still seems to be jerking Dee around and Yak won't have it.

-I want to know if Dr. Kwan realizes that Ter is a lost cause and steps away? I keep trying to understand what purpose she serves besides being one of only a few significant female characters. She made Ter's claim he liked women seem more plausible for a few episodes, but I hope she gets to have more agency.

-I want to see Dee going to cheer for Yak at the ringside so badly. Bonus, Dee braiding Yak's hair (or unbraiding) or some wound care. There may have been some foreshadowing of Yak getting more seriously injured like a concussion - they talked about the risks of him going up a weight class and I was like hrm.

-I will be so happy to see Dee going to Yak's graduation. The pilot trailer hammers on Yak not wanting to be a boxer. There's signs that is still a thread in the drama. I think we'll find out more what Yak really wants for his future. I'd love to get more of that in detail and not a broad brush.

We have far to go, but putting this all out there makes me hope that they will do these plot points some justice instead of taking some random turns that are out of character. I'm so interested to see how all these stories unfold.

I will continue to be mulling this so any other speculations, hopes or observations are more than welcome. :)

[vinnystarman]

EDDSWORLD LORE ANALYSIS BUT I'M ABSOLUTELY DERANGED!!!!

"Wait this thing has LORE????" Yes!!! IT HAS LORE

I just rewatched eddsworld for the 2334idfk443th time in a row and realized I haven't seen (not that there isn't I just haven't seen) people talking about the fact that the series seems to have a really weird (and quite frankly fragile) canon, this goes to some minor details like differences between the stages of the series (retro, classical, legacy and beyond) and other stuff like how I think we actually kind of know what in the actuall hell was Tord even doing in those 8 years between his original departure and the end in eddsworld legacy BUT I'M GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF before we start I want to make some points clear for the sake of clarity:

☆ I will be talking about the series and it's characters specifically in the context of the series, for example: I know why Tord the irl person left the series but I would be speaking only about Tord's (the character) departure, the same goes to any other irl event that had an impact on the series

☆ keep in mind this is only what I think (even though I think i'm absolutely right about everything) so if you disagree in any of my points that's absolutely fine!

☆ I will be speculating about future stuff so take all of those bits with a grain of salt because i'm a great observer but (unfortunatelly) not god so I can't acurrately see the future lolz

so…. how do we start?

well… we could start strong by one of the most interesting points I thought about!

as ridiculous as it sounds, i'm pretty convinced that Tom always knew about Tord's laboratory! and I have proof of it actually

one of the most solid proof I have appears in the episode "The Snogre" to be fair, that episode is gonna come up A LOT in this so you might want to re watch it first :3

in the minute 1:57 Tom apears with a "snow tank" that he uses to defeat the snogre, later, him and Edd have this exchange:

How'd you build that snow tank so fast?

Snow tank? (the snow falls off the ACTUALL TANK TOM CASUALLY IS OPERATING???)

this tank has the (i don't know how to call it so let's just say) serial number "CDT-01" which at the time was a nice little nudge to "moving targets" since it's the same tank the guys use in that episode but in this post "The end" world it should be noted that the "CDT-01" tank also appears in the minute 3:25 meaning up to that point the only way to access the tank was getting into Tord's laboratory and figure out what to press to get it (This tank might also be the one portrayed in movie makers but it's most likely that they are the same tank since they have the same serial number and in moving targets, this tank is stolen from Paul in that same episode AND THIS IS RELATED TO SOMETHING ELSE THAT I'M GONNA SAY HERE SO IT'S NOT A PLOT HOLE OK? BARE WITH ME)

the second one is that the lab was in Tom's room aka Tord's old room, this is the primary reason why Tord came back anyways, to get back to his laboratory (OR IS IT)

This is what I think happened:

Tom found a really suspicious button behind two frames (or one) maybe when he was moving his stuff into it and painting the walls (I highly doubt Tord had blue walls on his room), made a little mess trying to figure out what the actual fuck was going on, realized what it was and decided not to tell the guys because well… as we can see they LOVE pressing buttons and Tom knew it was gonna end up in catastrophe and shut his mouth because of that

that aside of ourselves, my second point:

The real reason why Tord was so hostile to Tom in the end wasn't (or at least not exclusively) because of his rivarly with him but more so because Tord wanted to capture monster Tom!

what do I mean by this? well to understand my point we need to understand how (i think) Tord and his army were operating at that time:

The red army as a whole has only been described once at this point in time and it was in the episode "Fun Dead" in the second 0:08 by the news lady as "Armed vigilantes" that were controlling the Zombie situation (that they [even though accidentally] caused) this meaning that as for now they aren't seen as a threat, on the contrary! They were helping the population! and maybe i'm giving Tord too much credit for this but I bet THAT (beeing seen as vigilantes and not some terrorist group) was intentional, you see, Tord is smart and a little manipulative, the most "evil" thing to do was letting the zombie infection run free and then take control of the post apocaliptic, in shambles world but he didn't, Why? you may ask; because he is more treacherous than Judas, that's why, maybe i'm looking a little too much into this but if this is the route he is going he would need more than one threat right? this is where monster Tom comes into play, I DON'T KNOW WHY ANY OF YOU HAVE EVER ASKED IT BUT WHY DID TOM BECAME A MONSTER RANDOMLY IN POWEREDD? I know it was hinted before that maybe he is half demon somehow??? BUT LIKE… MAYBE I'M DUMB BUT THAT'S WEIRD. And as the scientist he is (why don't I see more scientist Tord fanart?) Tord asked himself the same question, we know that because when we took a look into his laboratory we saw that he was studying monster Tom as it's shown in the end part 2 in the minute 2:42 (THIS GUY'S LAB IS SO MUCH TO UNPACK) this indicates that it isn't crazy to assume he was trying to take Tom out of his senses to get to monster Tom, because as we can see in that same episode he is wanted by the authorities for a large amount of money, probably because they got caught doing some sketchy stuff so, in an attempt to hype up his organization's reputation once more he tried to cause another problem for them to solve

this is what I think happened: Tord somehow knew about monster Tom and realized he could use him not only as another way to make his organization look like heroes to the public eye but also for studying (and maybe experimentation but not really sure since at that point Tord already had that weird chemical that gave life to stuff and converted people to zombies) he assumed the way to get to the monster was making Tom furious so that's what he tried, that's why he was specially hostile to Tom, that's why he was so surprised when Tom left the house (because i've seen people assume that was his objective but if it was then why did he looked so taken aback?)

continuing with Tord my next point is: We kind of know what Tord was up to all along and i'm not so sure he created the red army

WHAAAT???? VINCENT YOU ARE CRAZY FOR THAT ONE!!! WHAT MADE YOU THINK THAT TORD DIDN'T CREATED THE RED ARMY? THAT'S LITERALLY HIS TRADE MARK!!! HE IS THE RED LEADER, EVERYWHERE HE GOES THE RED ARMY SYMBOL APPEARS!!!

well yes, that is true but just because he later on becomes the red leader it doesn't mean he created the red army as it is.

let me explain: in the episode "moving targets" not only do we are shown Tord's fondness of militaristic activities but also in the minute 6:12 we see Paul and some unnamed enemy base guard (that i'm pretty sure had a fanon name but I completely forgot oh well) and you may ask "ok so what?" ... Sir that's Paul, this openly states that before he joined the red army, Paul was with this other random army which if you look closely has a suspiciously similar design to the red army's uniform, not only that but again, in Tord's lab we can see a picture of 4 people (minute 2:42) and these people are: Tord, the enemy base guard marked with a big X (maybe he's dead or simply left the army), Paul and Patryck, this meaning that Tord knew them from before, now, as always, here is what I think happened: After his departure in the episode 25ft under the seat, Tord at some point found the enemy army from the episode moving targets and considering how the gang messed them up they weren't in the best conditions, so at some point between the episodes movie makers and space face Tord takes control of this army and makes it HIS red army, this could've been by force or (what I see more plausible but who knows) joined the army as it is and began working his way up until he ended up leader of it CONTINUING WITH TORD BECAUSE HE IS A SNEAKY BASTARD (i love him i hate him so much) WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HIS LAB??? Tord's laboratory even though solves some questions it opens up even MORE questions like these: HOW DID HE KNEW ABOUT MONSTER TOM IF HE ONLY APPEARED IN POWEREDD AND THAT EPISODE AIRED LONG AFTER HE LEFT?? WHY DOES HE HAVE BARRELS OF THE WEIRD LIFE-GIVING CHEMICAL FROM "THE SNOGRE" AND "FUN DEAD" IF THAT ALSO HAPPENED LONG AFTER HIS DEPARTURE??? WHY DID HE INSTALLED A SECURITY SYSTEM IN THE HOUSE???

WHAT DOES THE MAP WITH THE NOTE MEAN???

well I have answers for 3 of those 4 questions, so, hear me out on this one: Tord kept using his laboratory even after he left. THIS SOUNDS CRAZY AND IT IS BUT HEAR ME OUT.

in the end part one, even though he was let in by edd Tord tried to sneak into Tom's room anyway, and he did it in a way that showed that maybe, just maybe it wasn't his first time doing it and if we look at it from a strategic perspective it's basically the perfect place to hide something like that.

it's a place that no one would search him in because well... at that point it had been years since he left, it's just a normal house where three friends live, nothing suspicious going on with that so if he had his laboratory right there it would be convenient... Really convenient, this is the reason he has stuff from stuff he couldn't have possibly had from before, that's why he had time to build his giant robot, he had all the time he was living there and also when he wasn't, that's what he knew about monster tom. that's why he had pictures of his army friends, that's why he had the chemical, because he never truly left.

this would also make my first idea even more possible because Tom wasn't even surprised to see Tord's laboratory in his room and Tord wasn't surprised either to see Tom there, this meaning that maybe somehow they had seen eachother before, maybe while Tord was sneaking in or out and Tom in an act of friendship decided to not get Edd or Matt involved for their own good

AND NOW, LET'S STOP SPEAKING ABOUT TORD FOR A MOMENT BECAUSE I NEED TO SAY SOMETHING ABOUT EDD.

IS FUTURE EDD GONNA PROTAGONIZE THE COMICS MATT SPOKE ABOUT IN HIS UPDATES VIDEO?????

I HAVE PLENTY OF REASONS TO THINK THAT WE ARE GOING TO SEE MORE ABOUT THE FUTURE BRIEFLY POSTRAYED IN WTFUTURE BECAUSE IF WE TAKE AN ACTUALL LOOK AT THE TEASERS MATT SHOWED THEY SHOW A FUTURISTIC CITY WITH DRONES AND SOMEONE WITH EDD'S DISTINCT HAIR AND FUTURE EDD'S COAT ENTERING A BUILDING THROUGH THE WINDOW SO IN MY OPINION WE ARE GOING TO GET EVEN MORE INSIGHT ON HOW'S THE WORLD DOING UNDER THE RED LEADER'S LEADERSHIP WHOHOOOOO long live cola

that aside because I got overly happy when I remembered that

WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THE LOBSTERS.

in the episodes "the surf and turf wars pt 1 and 2" we are presented with a new problem, for the ones that haven't seen it or don't remember, in the episodes, Matt gets turned into a lobster monster by a chemical with dubious origin, we actually have a name for this chemical! it's named "NM-8" and ok, this is maybe a far FAR stretch BUT I CAN'T POSSIBLY BE THE ONLY ONE WITH THE THEORIE THAT MAYBE, JUST MAYBE THIS CHEMICAL IS AN ADVANCED FORMULA OF THAT LIFE-GIVING CHEMICAL OF TORD'S I say this since both substances have similar effects, and according to this, in the same episode, the barrel of nm-8 ends up there anyways because while transporting the chemical THAT IS WIDELY STATED THE ORIGIN OF IT IS HIGLY CONFIDENTIAL NO QUESTIONS ASKED the ship hits a bump and when the captain asked "what happened" is sent to the brig because he broke the rule of not asking questions, this leading to the barrel falling overboard and ending up in the beach where it's found by Matt and the episode continues

who would need such level of secretism? who would need that much confidentiality? well I have certain people in mind, if we think about it from a narrative perspective it would make sense for the chemical to be property of the same guy (or guys) that made the other chemical to be responsible for it, maybe in some elaborate scheme to finally get back at the world after the giant robot fiasco and hey, maybe it was impossible before but now with the Tord Youtooz? WITH TORD APPEARING IN MATT'S VIDEO AS AN INTERRUPTION WITH THE STYLE OF A STOLEN TV SIGNAL???? IT'S PLAUSIBLE AND IT WOULD MAKE A LOT OF SENSE! but as always that is only speculation, I can't see the future, just theorize and communicate what I think and let's be honest, the next episode will probably be about the guys cleaning up the lobster mess (WHICH IS AMAZING AND I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE) but always remember, Tord ends up taking the world in the future anyways so stopping him right now, whatever he is up to is not really an option unless someone comes back from the future to help

AND THAT'S ALL SORRY IF IT'S MESSY, I STARTED WRITING THIS AT 3 AM AND HAD TO WRITE IT IN SEPARATED MOMENTS SO YEAH THE CONTINUITY IS NOT GREAT AND ALSO ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LENGUAJE SO YEAHHHHHH

[madelynhimegami]

To my knowledge, you like Puyo Puyo! But what do you enjoy most about it?

Honestly, it might be easier to explain my intoduction to the series. Ideally we'll get there in the end either way. You ever seen one of those "What I Played/What I Expected/What I Got" memes? My story is pretty much like one of those.

I don't remember when I started learning bits and pieces about it, or when Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine went from being itself to a Puyo game in a trenchcoat in my mind. But by mid 2017 I knew the aforementioned (I called the CPZ boss in Sonic Mania a Puyo boss on twitter when I played it), recognized Carbuncle, recognized Draco Centauros (thanks to a friend who is still a big fan of her), and had heard that there was some sort of story to it, but didn't know a lot of details.

Then in September of 2017, a friend of mine mentioned that he had been playing Puyo Puyo Tetris lately as his go-to "pick up and play" sort of game. I looked it up in the eshop, saw it was cheap, and thought a pick-up-and-play game was what I needed and bought it. Not that I knew shit about playing Puyo well, but I at least had some basic competency at Tetris to balance things out.

And hey, at least the story mode would be a good way to learn! So I dove in to the story and started playing.

I was expecting the story to be inconseqential to my enjoyment of the game. Something either generic or corny, with characters that ranged from "tolerable" to "painful anime cliche."

The thing that knocked me on my ass almost immediately was that the writing was actually funny, made better with the English cast's fantastic delivery.

Those are all from just the story's first chapter! The first one is from the prologue! The other two are from the third scene (couting dialogue before and after a round of gameplay together as one scene)! And it kept going!

For the record, even though I was picky with what to include, and stitching lines from the same scenes together, I still had almost fifty (50) funny moments I wanted to drop out of context, in a game with a rough total of two hours of story material collected to write this post. And then I had to narrow it down further just so I wouldn't hit the image limit too quickly.

Was it a little corny and awkward at points? Sure. Several voice actors had to grow into their roles. Plus, the impression I always had from the script-- an impression that's only gotten stronger the more I learn about this series and then come back to this game-- is that someone on the development team was not expecting this to be all that successful overseas. And not for no reason, since Puyo Puyo's tried to get its foot in the door in the west several times by this point. But the end result of this lack of faith was a localization team that tried very hard to make this game stand on its own merits with as little understanding of the games that had come before as possible. Which, honestly I think they did a pretty dang good job of! Especially since it didn't shy away from the hard-hitting stuff when it came. Which I'm going to intentionally leave even further out of context so as to not give away all of it.

There was also this line here, which was what first clued me in that the writing's quality wasn't an accident, that the writer is actually thinking all this stuff through:

Fun fact, the only people you will see in your dreams are people you have seen while you're awake. The parts of the brain responsible for dreams can't make up new faces, or throw together composites of preeviously-known ones. Hence, this question, which does in fact get answered in the next scene, in a way that made me go, "Ohhh, that's really smart, actually!"

But yeah. That was just this one game. It took me a few more years before I tried other games that had been translated, fan or otherwise, but the more I've played and the more I learn about these characters and their worlds, the more engrossed I get. It's a hyperfixation now. It seems like there's always something new I'm learning about it, but it's not overwhelming, it just feels like I'm knowing a good friend better and better. The modern artstyle is deceptively simple and very endearing, and so many of the characters are interesting and fun. And the current writer is just so galaxy-brained, I'm not even kidding.

The characters in the Puyo Puyo series are all morons. They're all crazy. But at the end of the day, they care about each other, no matter how little they want to admit it. And they all have their own theming to the magic they use. It's a lot of fun. From your standard-fair RPG spells, to cosmic forces, to math terms,

I can't recommend this series enough, no matter what your skill level with puzzle games is! There's something in it for everyone.

Unless you're looking for genuinely evil characters, I guess. Like, there are characters that are intimidating or sinister or threatening, but almost none of them are actually evil. Fraid the closest to that this series has is a(n as-of-now) gender-ambiguous Elon Musk with better hair in the Japan-excusive gacha game.

Further reading from the author (that isn't already on their tumblr):

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