#anon I didn't forget you you see how long this post is I had to take the time

[discluded]

The way Apo was caught staring in that giffarine video but he's such a pro he spun that and turned it into a Segway for the serum's effects so seamlessly that some people ended up thinking it was part of a skit😂😂😂

Oh anon, you mean this interview right? where Mile got caught slipping a couply term of endearment because he was caught off guard?

Mile is not-infrequently caught off-guard at the intensity of Apo's stares at him!

Also let's talk about how often Apo has gotten caught out for being thirsty 🥵😜. In no particular order of Apo-that's-not-where-Mile's-eyes-are:

(1)

(2)

(3)

(4) (4 - angle #2)

(5)

(6 - the shower one, where he got called out)

(7 - Apo said no one gets to look but me)

(8 - you know you're down bad when someone gets it in stills)

Can you blame him?

Mile usually gets called out for his perpetual 😍😍😍 at Apo: (1) (2)

Even Farger@twitter be like:

Mile knows and thrives on it:

Since tumblr will only let me have one video per post, I'll make it count: the one time we have so far that Mile got caught looking disrespectfully 🤣

thank you to @mellowroxy for finding half of these and also whose chat with me I pillaged to find all these instances of Apo being thirsty. 😘

[4dbarbie-archive]

4dbarbie interview: All about Desires

4dkelly notes: I had fun making this in an interview style Q&A between 4dbarbie and Vanessa. I thought "how would 4dbarbie answer anon questions if she were still here today?". Spoiler alert, it wouldn't be much different to the questions anons asked her lol. Most answers are just directly extracted from her posts/answered asks but some have been adapted a bit or rearranged to make it flow better. I have added some relevant posts for further reading. I may or may not make more of these. This was mainly just for fun (but then it really evolved into an educational piece lol). My highlight key: key concepts are in pink, action points in purple, really important points in red

Vanessa: I really like this guy and want to manifest him. 😢 How do I do that?

4dbarbie: IMAGINE KNOWING ALL THIS AND STRESSING OVER A GUY?!?!? Unbelievable. Who's holding you at gun point to type this out to me??? 😧😧😧 I refuse to believe this is what this material is getting wasted on. I refuse to believe this is the understanding you guys have after I explained who you are in so many ways. Imagine liking someone who didn't text you back right after to tell you how amazing you are as well 🤮 what do you like about this nobody? You want to give me a heart attack? I tell you there is no one out there but you and instead of being free and loving yourself you... you give a crumb of your precious attention to this? I tell you you are life and you try to make life better through dates?

Vanessa: Okay but what about my other desires? I want them...

4dbarbie: Everything about Vanessa is meaningless. She has a life and if it's boring, who cares? Forget it. What do you need these stories for? Do you not understand they have reality because you give it to them? YOU! They have no standing on their own! The whole world is just your mere thought. The body exists because you are aware of it being! Only you have this power. Only you are. Why are you dreaming like this? Gosh, you break my heart. If Vanessa is hurting you why do you keep on choosing her?

Vanessa: Then what should I do? I still have things I desire despite knowing I cannot desire because I am not a person, ego, mind...

4dbarbie: You know it intellectually, but have you acted on it at all? You know yourself as Vanessa by acting like Vanessa, know yourself as your Self by acting like yourself. Desires and fears dissipate then. You have desires still because you never stopped thinking you're Vanessa. Investigate who Vanessa actually is :) Spoiler alert: it's a thought! Think something else and see what happens.

Vanessa: How long will this take? When will I see a change?

4dbarbie: Now. Who is doing the change in attitude, what are you waiting for to happen for you to change your attitude? It's instant. You see it, you realize you have no reason to worry/doubt/desire/fear anymore, let things happen as they happen while you're undisturbed and they dissolve.

Vanessa: Should I just keep assuming that I don't desire things anymore because I already have it while I'm denying and dismissing my senses? It feels like I'm just waiting and being delusional though

4dbarbie: Your world is right and perfect, what you see is what you are so even if you're seeing what 'you' don't want, the world is not wrong in being what it is. Fearing it, trying to manipulate it, lying to yourself about it being something different - all useless and vain attempts.

Not seeing the world as it is, is an aversion to it. - Lester Levenson

See it as it is and it will fix itself.

And no, being delusional is not good, it leads you not to trust your own judgment or senses. Which is not right, why shouldn't you? What is wrong with your vision? Being delusional from your ego self is really harmful, someone could be abusing you and you would go "i'm sure that's not right he loves me so much in my mind!!!"

You won't be able to get rid of the waiting feeling as long as you're identified with your ego, it can manipulate nothing. And if you weren't your ego -- everything would already be materialized, so there would be nothing to wait for.

Vanessa: Well since I Am and I give life to everything, when Vanessa desires something, I can just "give" her her desires, right?

4dbarbie: The desire that *I*... the desire is of Vanessa, the Self can have that and it's nothing to it. It's just another experience. Those things are in you, not you in them.

You don't have to give her anything... you don't have to fulfill anybody... I Am is already everything... you only don't see you are all and have the all because you won't stop thinking you're the ego. All you're doing all the time is creating lack & limitation, perfection already is. You just add unsatisfying labels constantly with your wrong thinking.

Let go of the thinking, it's instant. No need to fulfill anybody. 1 My tip is to realize your Self, have enough courage to face Vanessa's fears. See how unnecessary is to pay them any mind at all. Let go of thinking you are this little helpless thing already. After you realize yourself, any bold assertion does it. There's no time delay. 2

Vanessa: Now I feel defeated, do I just give up on everything then?

4dbarbie: Feeling defeat is actually good, it prompts you to let go :D You don't need to reach for what is already within you. Give up the idea that you have not found it and just let it come into the focus of direct perception, here and now, by letting go of all that is of the mind.

Abandon all sense of separation, see yourself in all and act accordingly - Nisargadatta Maharaj

You have it, all is well. Just stop believing the illusions born out of thinking you're a person.

Vanessa: So as Awareness, I have to stop desiring?

4dbarbie: If you know yourself to be Awareness, then you know yourself to be the all. There is nothing to desire, because you have no reason to create desire.

That's why it's necessary to realize all that is is awareness and the person comes second. If you think all that is is the person, then the chances of believing you're suddenly a different person are slim, and the persuasion and convincing are nothing but a form of self-instilled mental torture. 1 All you're doing is imagining/thinking you're an ego who has to strive for things, but it is "I AM" imagining itself to be so.

What is beyond is clear of all striving. The cause of suffering is in the identification of the perceiver with the perceived. - Nisargadatta Maharaj

When that identification ceases, so does desire. Then, if you want to express yourself as being a person, nothing is stopping you from doing so, only know yourself first. After that, no matter what you choose to experience the world as, you will know you are not it and it can't hurt you.

Vanessa: What do I do when a desire or fear comes to my mind then? It doesn't feel right to suppress them...

4dbarbie: I am not talking of suppression. Just refuse attention. Nisargadatta has a saying "When you happen to walk in a crowd, you do not fight every man you meet — you just find your way between." Neville has another "Indifference is the knife that severs, feeling is the tie that binds." When you refuse to play the game, you are out of it.

Vanessa: Then how do I stop feeling anxious about trying to change my life?

4dbarbie: You are not the one who is anxious or fearful, the ego is fearful. LOA was wrong about letting go because you can't let go of desires or fears if you don't know who you really are. If you think you are this ego you can't help being anxious. You can't help wanting to get. Real surrendering can only be of the ego. By letting go of who you think you are and seeing you were never it in the first place, that it is because YOU are, you naturally drop all desires and fears because they weren't yours. 1 Get into a habit of watching, letting them be but not identifying with them. If you can observe them, it means you are not them.

Abandon all imaginings and know yourself as you are. All craving is due to a sense of insufficiency. When you know that you lack nothing, that all there is, is you and yours, desire ceases. - Nisargadatta Maharaj

Vanessa: How do I stop feeling doubts then?

4dbarbie: You shut them down. There is no reason to argue with them, contemplate them, or give them any kind of attention at all. See them for what they are, an illusion of the mind. When you catch yourself being aware of something that's undesirable, just go 'What problem?' and know it to be perfect again. Always remember, the real you can't have doubts, only your ego can.

Vanessa: I feel like I'm not doing enough to realize my true Self. How can I be more productive on this journey?

4dbarbie: There's nothing to be productive about. What a silly concept. Don't add another burden or worry onto yourself. Right now you make yourself guilty over not seeking more and doing more to attain realization, but you already have it. You need not take time to meditate or put time aside to contemplate and "apply". All you need to do is detach from this form during the day, let life happen as it happens while reminding yourself it's a dream, a dream that doesn't have to be yours.

The guilt is because you think you're running out of time and you need to change "your" life now. Be patient with yourself because you don't lose any time, just get to that place I'm telling you about and then you can just go back in time if you so wish. All worry is pointless! And there is nothing to fear, things just happen, do not claim them as yours for a while. Unclutter your mind, it becomes your servant after you've freed it enough.

[mazeinthemiroh]

hey!! i was wondering if you could write a reaction for stray kids where they forget to pick up the reader (and maybe it’s raining / late)? whether it’s from work or somewhere further away? i feel like this can have so many plot twists AHAHAHAHA thank you 💞 fairly angsty pls with a happy/neutral ending

stray kids when they forget to pick you up

genre: angst, comfort in some

word count: 1.2k

warnings: use of the word 'hell'

author's notes: lowercase intentional. for this scenarios sake, all of the members can drive! thank you for requesting anon, i hope you enjoy this!

bangchan

he was busy. very busy. and he just completely forgot.

chan's car approached you at 10 minutes to midnight. your shift ended at 10:30 pm. so he was late. very late indeed. the front lights of his car seemed to cut through the pouring rain, illuminating the cold droplets which relentlessly fell from the sky for as long as you could remember. you were standing there, slightly lighten by the dull light of the lamp post, with your body thoroughly drenched and shivering from the lack of a coat.

you watched as your boyfriend got out of the car with a black umbrella in his hands. he walked up to you, one hand shoved in his pocket, the other hand outstretched with the umbrella, so when he got to you, you were finally sheltered. his expression was soft, sad, sorry. he didn't say a word, but you could see in the feelings in his eyes that he was apologetic enough.

so you both just stood there, gazing into each other's eyes, with nothing to say.

minho

"it's not that bad if you think about i-"

"not that bad? i was waiting for an hour! hell, i could've walked back by myself!"

"then why didn't you?"

you flinched at the bluntness of his words. you two had been arguing about this for the whole journey home.

"because i thought that my boyfriend wouldn't want me walking back by myself at night. i actually thought that you cared!"

minho slammed on the breaks. the car halted abruptly, making you both momentarily drag forwards in your seats. you looked at him with wide, worried eyes as he stared ahead.

"i do care about you," he stated, and you couldn't tell if his tone was blunt or slightly frantic. you knew he would never say sorry, but you could see in his shining eyes - the glisten of the streetlights from the outside making his eyes sparkle and expose his worry, his regret - that he was. he was sorry.

changbin

"y/nnnnn~~~~"

changbin was met with silence again, which was a real stab at the heart for him. he hated this. he knows he messed up, but there was a part of him that felt like you were being a bit unfair. or maybe he was just worried that he messed up big time.

"i said sorry! please talk to me."

"just drive, bin."

"no! i'm not driving until you say you've forgiven me."

he said stubbornly, crossing his arms over his chest defiantly, much like a child would when they sulk. he could feel the tension and guilt press down on his heart and he couldn't continue on with the night unless he knew he was on good terms with you. his eyes were glimmering as he gave you a big, cute pout that even your tired and annoyed self couldn't help but smile at.

"yeah, that's more like it."

hyunjin

"it's romantic out here, in the rain, isn't it?"

you turned to see hyunjin, a smile ghosting his features, half playful, half apologetic. you hadn't noticed he had sat down on the bench next to you moments ago, watching you're tense expression never once faltering. you thought he was a crazy person; coming out here with you, making himself comfortable while you both got swallowed up by the cascading rain.

you wanted to slap him. but you couldn't deny how handsome he looked: long black hair starting to stick to the side of his face and his warm eyes sparkling in the moonlight as he stared at you, fondly. you hated him and loved him all at once. you felt angry and helpless and hopelessly in love.

and with this love, with this ridiculous and irritating and perfect man beside you, the pouring rain didn't seem so bad anymore.

han

"i am sooo sorry sweetie."

han kept pouring out apologies as he stayed with you on the phone while he drove to your destination. he didn't realise just how much time he spent in the studio this night, and time had just flown by. in the back of his mind he knew he had to pick you up, but he became so engrossed in his work that by the time he checked the clock he was more than late to pick you up.

"yeah whatever, it's fine."

there your voice sounded through the bluetooth in his car. you sounded fed-up, and he couldn't blame you. leaning his head against the steering wheel of your car as he waited for the red light to turn green, he sighed deeply. there was a sinking feeling of guilt at the pit of his stomach.

"i'll make it up to you, i promise baby."

felix

you had to call him to pick you up. you're not going to wait forever, obviously, and you know that's the only way he would remember. because with felix, he was on time for everything. he wasn't likely to slack off, to run late, if he could help it. so if he was late, it was likely to be that he had completely and utterly forgotten.

and you're right. he's laying down on his bed, scrolling through his phone, not thinking of anything else except for what was on his screen. then suddenly: a call. your name pops up, and his eyes grow wide. the realisation hits.

shooting out of bed and grabbing a jacket and his keys, he finally answers your call.

"y/n i am so sorry oh my gosh i completely forgot i had no idea what happened-" he rambled as he rushed to the car. he felt so frustrated with himself, and would beat himself up about it the whole journey to you. you were more forgiving of him than he was.

seungmin

"hi."

your boyfriend's voice sounded beside you. he had a coat in his hand which he immediately pulled over your shoulders, and an umbrella in the other which he shielded you from the rain with. he winced as he caught sight of you glaring at him. he had no idea what to say, so he just guided you into his car.

your jaw was tense as you slid into the passenger seat of the car. you wrapped your hands around your arms and rubbed them up and down in an attempt to warm yourself. you shivered in your seat as seungmin got in the other side. as you gazed over at him, you could sense his nerves. worried eyes that avoided yours as he fumbled around with his car keys. you couldn't be mad at him. you knew he didn't mean any of this. it wasn't fair for either of you.

"thanks for the coat," you mumbled softly, in hopes that seungmin's nerves and regret would start to disappear...

jeongin

you marched up to his car fiercely, a purpose in your step as he pulled up beside you. anger whirling around inside of you; so much had built up to this moment. the standing, the waiting, the weather that decided that, no, today was not going to be your day, after all.

yanking the car door to the passenger seat open with full force, you shoved your body inside the vehicle.

"thanks a lot for showing up, where the hell were yo-"

you stopped at the start of your rant when you finally turned to him, now fully in the car. jeongin was sitting there, a nonchalant expression on his face, and a massive bag of your favourite takeaway food on his lap. he smiled sheepishly, "sorry?"

you didn't want to let him off that easily. but man, he knew how to apologise in the best way possible.

[yurislotusgarden]

Hii!! I have a request if thats okay!! :) i love your works btw! Keep up the good work and dont forget to drink, eat and sleep well!<3

So i was thinking of Chuuya, Dazai, Nikolai, and any others if you wanna add with a reader with a ability who can talk, see and hear ghosts! I think its very cool and it barely has any recognition.. Its like toritsuka (from saiki k!) but the reader is less pervy.. and if its okay; can the reader be female? Its okay if its not!! I dont mind!!

So the reader has this ghost ability thing and they used to get bullied and shamed for it because people caught her talking to nothing but she was talking to ghosts, so she became insecure of their ability and sees it more like a curse. So technically a socially akward reader?

If you arent taking requests then you can ignore this!!

Also can i be 💞 anon?

ʚїɞ Separate! Dazai Osamu, Nakahara Chuuya, Nikolai Gogol x Gn!Reader

ʚїɞ Keep in mind English is not my first language, so you may find mistakes!

ʚїɞ word count: 3208

ʚїɞ Tw’s: None! Just pure fluff, pet names used, reader’s gender is not specified in any way bcs of how I wrote this

ʚїɞ We're gonna ignore how long it has been since I posted, dear 💞 anon I'm so sorry bcs of how long this has been in my inbox ;-;, I decided to wait with writing this until I watched some of saiki k so I could understand the ability at least a little, Nikolai's part is damn short bcs I didn't really have any ideas for him </3, Only Dazai's part was proofread, I'm gonna edit this post later on to correct mistakes on Chuuya's and Nikolai's parts since the person who grammar checks my works is on a short break rn

ཐིཋྀ He loves it

ཐིཋྀ This idiot didn't even realize that you have an ability at first because you didn't show any kind of signs😭

ཐིཋྀ He thought you didn’t have one like Ranpo but was told by Kunikida that you do, however, what it is was gonna remain a mystery until you decided to tell him yourself

ཐིཋྀ He found out on a mission where you guys had to chase down a guy with the ability to create a smokescreen

ཐིཋྀ Was about to say that it's over for the day because the guy was gone before you two could realize it (He had a plan to get the man anyway but didn’t feel like it) but then saw you talking to… air???

ཐིཋྀ Like you were just standing there while looking up and seemingly talking to someone

ཐིཋྀ You ignored his ass when he asked wtf you were doing

ཐིཋྀ The brunet was confused until you finally turned to look at him and said that you know where the guy went

ཐིཋྀ You had to briefly explain your ability when you  walked to where the guy ran off to

ཐིཋྀ He does anything to make you more open about your ability because he adores it <3

ཐིཋྀ He wishes you showed your ability off more AND HE VOICES IT OUT

ཐིཋྀ Odasaku is his guardian ghost so you told him without thinking about it since most of the time a person doesn't know the ghost protecting them

ཐིཋྀ He actually teared up when he realized you were serious and that Odasaku was watching over him :(

ཐིཋྀ He told you about Oda after that

ཐིཋྀ He randomly asks you if you see a ghost nearby when you two are outside (does it inside buildings too)

ཐིཋྀ He does it a lot

ཐིཋྀ Please hit him

ཐིཋྀ Dazai said that he wanted to kill your past bullies and you didn't believe him -he was serious-

ཐིཋྀ And no, he didn't find dirt on those people, not at all

ཐིཋྀ And he totally didn't use it later, not at all :)

ཐིཋྀ He once asked if you ever used it to cheat in school (let’s say you had a normal enough life like Tanizaki’s or something) and when you said yes he nearly yelled out “That’s my girl!” with a grin Kunikida scolded him for being loud, and for not doing his paperwork

ཐིཋྀ Sometimes he hears you talk without looking over and assumes you’re talking to him before realizing that no, it’s actually to a ghost that’s in the room

ཐིཋྀ Once Kunikida and he had a mission but the brunet was not getting up from the couch, so you walked up and after a few seconds you told him that there was a ghost, butt naked, right by his face

ཐིཋྀ He did not look up to see if you were lying or telling the truth, he just jumped up from that couch without a second thought before he was gone out the door. He only realized that you lied once they were back and you were laughing at him with Ranpo

///////////////////////////

Seiji thought he had everything planned out. He really was sure that there was no way to find him after he ran away from the two detectives. After all, who would search for a running thief in the damn sewers when there were so many better places that could’ve been used to hide in the area?

The plan was in fact a good one, in fact. Kuwahara made it look like he was going towards the warehouses nearby to camp out, while in reality, he came down to the sewers using the ladders, as there was one of the many entrances underground right behind a warehouse.

He was so sure that he wouldn’t be found, that he wasn’t seen, so pray tell, why was he standing face to face with the exact two people he was meant to avoid. The atmosphere wasn’t nice, it was cold, and the smell was even worse, Seiji was trying heavily not to let it show on his face since the two people that were after him seemed to be completely unaffected by the environment they were in. What he couldn’t hide instead, was distress. He did not plan on getting caught any time soon, and yet it looks like he’s 8 seconds away from being behind bars.

“How- How did you guys find me?!”

///////////////////////////

This was not what Dazai meant when he said that he would show you how useful your ability can be (you refused more against it being useful than anything else he said about it, so that’s what he settled for), but it kind of worked so he wasn’t complaining.

“How- How did you guys find me?!”

Kuwahara Seiji, a 25-year-old thief that uses his ability to make himself invisible for all of his plans, making it hard for the police to identify him.

“It was kind of easy, actually!~”

“You’re talking as if you had any part in finding him.”

Dazai really didn’t. Once the criminal ran away after throwing a smoke bomb on the ground, (The brunet has to give it to him, It was annoying as hell and many people would give up on going after him once the smoke settled down) the two of you had no idea which direction he went off to, as there was a few possible exits from the warehouse you first caught him in.

His solution? Asking you to question a ghost nearby if they saw the man. You were really skeptical about that, he could tell.  What he also noticed was how confused you were about his question. You didn’t understand why he would want that, at least at first. It was soon after that you realized he meant.

You can see invisible things, ghosts can see other invisible individuals as well, rendering Kuwahara’s ability useless when it comes to you chasing him down.

He realized that little advantage of yours some time back while lazing around on his favorite agency couch.

Your ghost acquaintances can be quite the helpers when it comes to investigating stuff. He heard from Kenji, that not too long ago, you had solved a case that was meant to take around a week, in a day, simply because it just so happened that a ghost was on the crime scene when it happened. You had an easy time getting clues and proving the words of the ghost to the police with their help.

He knows that a few times like those won’t stop you from being so negative about your ability, he’s aware of the impact your bullies had on you mentally even if you try to not show it, but all of those instances give you a step forward to seeing what Dazai and the others do.

“Oh c’mon ‘donna! I was the one who gave you the idea of asking someone!”

“We would be able to track him down anyway. Asking someone just made it faster.”

Catching him in the end was not hard at all. Kuwahara tried to sneak away using his ability once again, but you could still see him without him realizing it. You could see where he was walking off to, making it possible for Dazai to nullify the guy's ability and catch him before leading him to the police vehicle near the warehouse you guys were under.

“See? I told you your ability is really useful and fun!”

“Where do you see the fun in my predicament?” He could tell you were just done with him for the day, besides being confused.

“I mean, you’re almost never alone, right? You always have someone to talk to!~” He knows it’s annoying to see ghosts all the time without the option to just… not be able to do that.

A sigh came from you before answering, “Exactly, complete silence for me is a rare blessing.” in an exhausted tone.

“I would love to never be in complete silence.” He wished that you could have some sort of an on-and-off switch.

“Samu… That’s because your voices would be quiet-” “I do NOT have voices, bella!”

“Sure, continue being in Egypt.”

“What-”

ཐིཋྀ Thinks it's very cool actually

ཐིཋྀ Imma put you down as a florist in this one, or just some small/calm kind of job

ཐིཋྀ When he first met you, he didn’t think about whether you have an ability or not since it wasn’t his business in the slightest

ཐིཋྀ Let’s say that you’re a florist and the ginger came in to buy flowers for Kouyou for example. It just so happened that one of the ghosts hanging around in your workplace was feeling silly, and had been pranking the customers the whole day, Chuuya being no exception

ཐིཋྀ When you were at the back getting the bouquet he ordered the day before, his hat was randomly taken off of his head and was floating in the air

ཐིཋྀ Bro was so confused because he knew his ability was off at the moment

ཐིཋྀ Every time he got the hat back onto his head it just floated back up😭

ཐིཋྀ The menace of a ghost stopped only once you got back out of the backroom and scolded them

ཐིཋྀ Chuuya was confused because ‘Who the fuck were you talking to???’

ཐིཋྀ He asked that exact question and even though you were visibly hesitant and nervous, you still explained your ability since he already saw it anyway

ཐིཋྀ You did not get the reaction you expected, which was being made fun of as that was what you were used to, but he instead complimented it <3

ཐིཋྀ Make sure you don’t let a name slip when it comes to your past bullies because you will see them on the news, missing :)

ཐིཋྀ On one of your first dates/early stages of dating, he gave you Marigolds which you lightly laughed at, causing him confusion before you explained their meaning to him

ཐིཋྀ Yeah, he settled for mostly giving you Cyclamens, Blackthorns, and Bluebells alongside your favorite flowers after that, just for fun

ཐིཋྀ Going with the florist thing or just generally, he would help you around with his ability if there’s something heavier to move around 

ཐིཋྀ He would voice out how often he actually wants to see you, albeit embarrassed, but he will show it in lil gestures a lot more <3

ཐིཋྀ I can just imagine him putting his hat on your head and sliding it down over your eyes before giving you a peck on the lips as a goodbye if he was at your workplace and he had to suddenly go

ཐིཋྀ He would try to slowly get you to not be so insecure about your ability

ཐིཋྀ I feel like one of The Flags would be his guardian ghost which could actually make this man cry at the thought :(

ཐིཋྀ Alright but if you met a past bully of yours, or someone newer,  that would try to shit on you for your ability, just tell him, and he will beat them up happily <3

ཐིཋྀ Or just go and have a nice talk with them about their behavior if you don’t want him to beat them up, I can promise that they will never again be rude to you if they value their lives (Or you will see them on the news or hear about them being in the hospital if they don’t ^-^)

///////////////////////////

“Are you sure that you don’t have work right now?”

“Yes, so shut your pretty mouth up and show what else you need to be moved.”

Renovation. A simple small renovation of your small shop was all that you planned. Moving some of the furniture, and changing the place of a few products for easier finding. You had thought that it would take a few days to take care of it since you planned on doing a few things every day so as to not close up the shop for a whole day unnecessarily (and you didn’t feel like doing everything in one day).

The problem was, he was supposedly not meant to know about that. Chuuya found your graphic open on your laptop and saw the renovation plans before realizing that you didn’t speak a word about that. At first, he was confused. Why didn’t you tell him? He could certainly make it faster by helping you.

Yet soon after that, he realized why. You didn’t want him to know because you knew that he would help and, therefore not do his work, something you were always worried about when he stopped by your shop. Well, he was never one not to help you, especially when there’s such an occasion. he wants a thank you kiss besides being a gentleman, your honor

“Is it really that hard to focus on your job instead of helping me move the furniture?” You sighed, pointing to a bookcase and then pointing to a place where a table stood before. “You’re gonna get in trouble.”

“I’m not, besides- HEY!” Looking up, his hat could be seen slowly floating away. He ignored you stifling a laugh as he chased after the hat. Chuuya would ignore it and just continue on with moving your stuff around, but the last time he did that, the hat was later found in a pot, making him have to wash it as it had a lot of soil on it. (A lot of his subordinates wondered why he didn’t have his hat on the next day, he didn't explain it to anyone)

“Can you tell them to stop?!” He could only guess how funny the situation looked to you. To anyone else, it just looked like the ginger was chasing after a floating hat, but you could see the menace that was taking the object away, so it ended up being funnier to you, if you nearly laughing was anything to go by.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, dear.”

“You’re so mean!”

You hummed softly before answering, “I would prefer to be called entertained.”

“It has nothing to do with what I said, doll.” Was said by Chuuya just as he finally got hold of his hat. Even if the ghost was still holding onto it, at least the hat wasn’t continuously floating away toward the flower-bare pots with just soil in them again.

“Let them have some fun in a while, Chuu, they don’t do it too often.”

“Yeah, and it just so happens that they decide to have their little fun almost every time that I come here.”

“They love you.”

“I wish they didn’t.” 

“It’s better than if they disliked you.”

“Why?”

“There’s a customer that they don’t like for being rude to me,” The ginger frowned at that information but you continued on, “And they are rude back to him every time he comes by my shop.”

“What do they do?”

“Y’know, pull on his clothes and hair, steal his things, and make them completely dirty on purpose, make him think he heard or saw something and that kind of stuff. Pretty sure they stole some of his money from the guy’s wallet.”

Chuuya was quiet for a moment before speaking up. “I think I prefer my hat being occasionally stolen…”

“Exactly!” You shouldn’t smile like that after what you said, but he’s not gonna comment on that one.

“...So the bookcase is the next to be moved, isn't it?

ཐིཋྀ He fr felt betrayed that he didn't know immediately 

ཐིཋྀ Like he could know you for 5 minutes and be offended that your ability wasn’t one of the first things you said about yourself

ཐིཋྀ He finds it so fascinating that you can contact the dead so easily

ཐིཋྀ Don’t tell him who his guardian ghost is, no matter how much he asks

ཐིཋྀ Just hit him every time he asks, I promise it works to keep him from asking for the next 3 hours <3

ཐིཋྀ You can bet that he talks to Fyodor and Sigma about your ability (He asked you to tell Sigma that there’s multiple ghosts watching him all the time, he believed. Sigma did not sleep for the next 5 days at all because of that thought)

ཐིཋྀ You said it to him again because at some point there was a ghost actually following him, but Sigma didn’t want to believe it

ཐིཋྀ He’s gonna ask a million times for you to join him in pranks if you won’t agree the first time

ཐིཋྀ Just imagine telling someone a ghost-related thing that they can’t prove is not true

ཐིཋྀ You caused someone to be in hospital after they didn’t sleep for way too long

ཐིཋྀ You told Fyodor that there’s a ghost hanging around him all the time, but didn’t say whether it’s the guardian one or some random one, you just left the rat to ponder on which one you mean (Nikolai died when he found out)💀

///////////////////////////

“WAIT! What do you mean there’s some ghost stalking me?!” Nikolai could tell that Sigma didn't expect to be told something like that today, but again, who would?

“I didn’t say stalking, I said following you around as they seem to be interested in you.” Why did you smile so innocently at that? He doesn’t know but he does encourage you since it gets more reactions from the bi-colored-haired man.

“It doesn’t make it better?!”

“I think it does! Some ghosty is interested in our little Sigma!” He had to add something to the fire, what kind of a person would he be if he didn’t?

“Don’t call me that, Nikolai!” 

“But whyyyy?” It was Thursday, the day that the white-haired clown dubbed ‘the best day to prank Sigma!’, even though he says it every week. He also deemed himself lucky as you finally agreed to help him prank the younger man again after rejecting him multiple times.

“Because I’m not little! And I won’t believe you guys again.”

“I don’t agree,” You spoke up, “Even the ghost agrees that you’re small!”

“See Sigma? We even have your beloved ghost on our side!”

“That’s no ‘my’ ghost, and I don’t believe that they said it. [Name] could be lying for all I know!”

“But do you have any way of proving that it’s a lie?” Nikolai couldn’t wait until he took the bait.

“...”

“Exactly!” You grinned before speaking up again a moment later, “They actually have a cute nickname for you that I’m thinking of using now…”

“Should I be scared?” Nikolai regrets not getting you into the pranks earlier, after all, the younger one had no way to prove you wrong. Sigma looks genuinely frightened that it may be real this time.

“No… It’s really a cute nickname that the ghost calls you by because they didn’t know your name when they first started following you around.”

“Stalking.”

“No.”

“I wanna know it! Tell us, dove!” Was it a nickname he could use himself? Or were you lying about it being a cute one and instead it’s weird? He doesn’t know which option he would like more. If he was being honest, Nikolai was feeling like you were telling the truth and not lying again like the last time.

“Cotton.”

“Cotton? Where did that come from?”

“That’s adorable! Let’s call him that!”

“I think that’s a perfect idea, Niko!”

“No!”

Nikolai can already tell that he’s gonna have a lot of fun with that nickname in his vocabulary now.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨ Taglist ୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

@sukiischaotic

Marigolds - Often called “flowers of the dead”, are symbols of positive emotions, like joy and excitement. They also represent energy, good luck, warmth, creativity, prosperity, passion purity, divinity, and the connection between life and death. These flowers' fragrance is said to attract souls to the altar.

Cyclamen - symbolizes the eternal cycle of life, which makes it the perfect flower that means 'forever'. In Japan, cyclamen holds a special place as the holy flower of love, causing it to be a popular choice for Valentine's Day

Blackthorn - Fate, protection, hope against adversity, good fortune, strength, overcoming adversity, purification, and protection

Bluebell - Loyalty, constancy, humility, gratitude and everlasting love

Keep in mind that flower meanings may somewhat be different depending on what site you look at, so excuse me if anything in the meanings is wrong! (hopefully not)

[misc-obeyme]

heyyy!!!! It's for the Kinktober list \o/

Solomon and breeding kink please babes ❤️

Drink water, sleep 8 hours and eat three healthy meals a day!!! Luvoo

Hey there, anon!

Okay I already had a prompt for Solomon for Kinktober when I got this ask, but I was like listen. Is it really a CC event if I don't get more requests for Solomon than any other character? So now I feel like it's just tradition.

Also I can't believe I didn't include Solomon's pact marks in the other kinktober post I wrote for him! I didn't even realize until I'd posted it and then I was like how is it that I didn't mention them at all?? I'm so into it, it's ridiculous and yet... anyway, this gave me the chance to include them so I feel that makes up for it a little bit. One of these days I'm gonna write a smut fic that's like... about those marks 'cause they just do something to me.

Anyway, I did afab reader so hopefully that's okay! I also feel the need to thank you for telling me to drink water and so on. Those are all things I almost never do lol. Sometimes I eat three meals a day, but are they healthy?? No. They aren't. Right, sorry for the ramblings lol.

Thank you for submitting a prompt!

KINKTOBER 2023

AFAB!MC x Solomon

NSFW MDNI

Warnings: breeding, penetration (reader receiving)

You were on the sofa in Cocytus Hall in the middle of a heavy make out session with Solomon when you pulled away. Solomon let out a breath at the loss of your lips, but he didn't say anything. You met his eyes, saw the desire in them and the question.

You reached down deliberately to put your hand on his erection. Solomon closed his eyes and tensed, trying not to react to the feeling of it.

"We haven't even been doing this that long and you're already hard," you said quietly.

Solomon took hold of your wrist and pulled your hand up. He leaned in, his lips against your ear. "I'm sorry, MC. I guess I'm just that eager to breed you."

A thrill ran down your spine and you shuddered in his arms. Your reaction caused him to laugh softly against your skin.

"Ah, I knew it," he said. "That's what you want, isn't it?"

You flushed, but you couldn't exactly disagree. "So what if it is?"

Solomon laughed again. "You're so cute, MC," he said. "But you don't have to hold back. If that's what you want, all you have to do is say it."

You huffed. You tried to look away from him, but the close proximity made it difficult. You considered refusing to say anything else, but your own arousal was creeping in now and you didn't think you would actually be able to resist him.

You switched tactics, turning into him. You pulled your wrist from his hand and tugged on his belt buckle. You pressed your lips to his neck and said, "I want you to breed me, Solomon."

Solomon pulled you up off the sofa, his hands already moving beneath the fabric of your clothes. He removed your shirt, kissing along your collarbones as you finally unbuckled his belt. Your pants went next, soon followed by his cloak and shirt, too.

You paused now that Solomon's bare chest was before you. You looked into his eyes for a moment. He waited to see what you would do.

You ran your fingertips over his pact marks. He stayed still as you did so, patiently watching you. It wasn't as though you hadn't seen them before, but most of the time it was easy to forget they were there, hidden beneath his clothes.

Solomon allowed you to be mesmerized by them for a few moments before he turned you around and pulled you against him. Your back nestled against his chest. He still had his pants on, but they were open enough to let his cock free and you could feel it pressed against you. Solomon's lips trailed down your neck, his fingertips trailing beneath the waistband of your underwear.

You felt your body heat up and found yourself filled with impatience. If you let him, Solomon would continue to tease you for some time before finally giving you what you wanted. So you decided to take matters into your own hands.

You removed your underwear yourself, adding it to the pile of clothes on the floor. Then you put your knees on the sofa, bracing yourself against the back of it.

You arched your back and said, "Hurry up, I can't wait anymore."

Solomon made a groaning sound behind you, but you couldn't see him anymore. It was only moments before you felt him behind you. He kissed down your spine while reaching around to stimulate your clit with his fingers. You pushed against them, letting out a small moan as you sought more of that feeling.

"Solomon, please," you begged.

As you had hoped, that was enough to make him finally push his cock inside you. You were wet and ready, taking it in easily and moaning at the way it felt.

Solomon didn't hold back now. He had one hand on your hip and one hand on your clit as he pounded into you. The angle allowed for deep penetration and you felt your body unraveling with each thrust. The sparks of pleasure ran through your veins, the tension building in your legs and your back, your muscles tightening.

The hand on your hip moved up to rest on your back as Solomon leaned forward further. "You're so ready for me," he said, his voice heavy and shaking with his own impending orgasm. "I'm going to fill you up."

You cried out incoherently as you came, his words sending you right over the edge. Solomon seemed to anticipate this, both hands moving to hold your hips steady as you clenched around him.

Just as he promised, you could feel his hot cum filling you up as he came, your name spilling sweetly from his lips.

From then on, you found it was a simple matter to get Solomon to breed you. As he had said himself, all you had to do was say it.

flufftober | kinktober | masterlist | Thank you for reading!

taglist: @anxious-chick @t0tallycoolname @libidinous-weeb

[frost-queen]

Burst like a glass balloon (Sis!Reader x Bridgerton brothers)

Requested by: anon, Forever tag: @missmelodramatic​, @theletterhart​, @alex--awesome--22​, @elllie-does-the-posts​, @floatlosers​, @merlieve​, @queen-of-books​, @glimmering-darling-dolly​, @denkisclown​, @wildieflower​, @meyocoko​, @bubblybrianna​, @justanothercoco​ @idkwhatmyusernameis,  @subjecta13-thefangirl, @m-rae23​, @harleyquinnswifeyfrfr​, @swampthing07​, @freyathehuntress

Summary: Reader is the youngest of Bridgerton's. Your governess has a very abusive way towards you, gaslighting you into remaining quiet. One day your three brothers find out asking you why you didn't tell them, thinking they wouldn't believe you and you secretly deserved it.

“Again!” – your governess snapped, letting her wooden pointing stick slam against your desk. It started you, making you sniff loudly. – “And don’t make me see any tears!” – she made clear bending down inspecting your cheeks. You quickly wiped them dry. You moved your book closer to you, starting repeating the list of flowers by their Latin names. – “Abelia…Abutilon… Acacia…” – you said between sniffs as not a moment ago you had busted out in tears.

“Pronunciation miss Bridgerton!” – the governess made clear. She said it during your speech, making you stutter out the word. Her wooden stick coming down hard again. – “A lady does not stutter miss Bridgerton. Should I fetch you the bottle for only baby’s babble as much as you do!” – Her words carving deep into your heart. – “Perhaps I should start the basics with you all over again? How to walk, talk, sit, and eat properly for a lady. Is that what you require miss Bridgerton? Teaching for the simple minded?” – she asked with mockery.

“No…” – you answered softly. She pressed her hand down on your book, coming intimidatingly close to your face. – “Then do better!” – her voice as sharp as a knife. – “From the top.” – she insisted letting the wooden stick fall in her palm. – “But…” – you said. Big mistake. Her stick came down hard on your knuckles. You squeaked in pain untensing your fingers. – “I said again!”

You curled your fingers up to your palm, moving them down to your lap. Grabbing onto your dress tightly trying to forget the pain. – “Abelia… Abutilon…Acacia…” – you started over. Your governess nodding content as with each word her stick fell into her palm. You made sure to not falter as the slightest bit of hesitation awoke the feral beast inside of her. Her eyes would narrow coldly, her mouth pulled up to a hiss ready to spew out her personage of you.

Finishing the list of Latin flowers you felt out of breath. Mouth dry from speaking the long list that endured for hours. You turned around slowly in your seat, head down. – “Did I do good Governess?” – you asked nervously. She inhaled sharply through her nose. – “No.” – she casually expressed, making your eyes widen. – “Five whips to the knee.” – she informed you, approaching. You held your hands on your lap, already clenching onto your dress for the first impact.

The first whack made you press your lips together. Head turning away to not make a sound. The second made your body flinch, a soft yelp escaping your lips. The third one was brutal as it made your upper body shot forwards out of breath. The fourth numbed your knees with a tingling. Biting on the inside of your cheek to not make a sound. The fifth touch drew blood.

Hands trembled on your lap as your Governess laid some lost strays of hair back in place. – “Now Miss Bridgerton.” – she spoke lifting your chin up with her stick. – “Not a word to my family.” – you told her with tears in your eyes. – “Exactly.” – she warmed up a smile. A smile that never could warm your heart. – “What will they say when they find out how improper your behavior is during my lessons. How incompetent you are.” – she straightened her posture. – “I understand…” – you answered, blinking rapidly. – “I’ll never be like you.” – the words coming out so truly you started to believe them.

“Indeed miss Bridgerton. You never will be. Not every lady can accomplish many things.” – she spoke lowering her stick on you. She turned around, collecting her supplies. – “I’ll see you next time tomorrow.” – she clicked her suitcase shut, dragging it off your bed. You watched her leave before letting yourself slide down your chair onto the ground. Biting in your arm to deafen out your screams of pain. Body shuddering from the sharp pain rushing through you. Wiping your eyes dry, you carefully got up.

Knees trembling as they could barely hold you up. Stumbling over to the bowl filled with water by your vanity. Falling down in your seat, you slowly pulled up your dress. Revealing your knees. Still red and blue from previous punishments. The skin rough as some blood had made a way down your leg. A thin line of evidence. Sniffing loudly, you moved your hand through the water, wiping it up your leg afterwards. Water drippled when your hand got out again. The clear water slowly changing into color. You continued to clean your knees as if there never had been blood.

Face contracting when it pricked. You then held your hands in the water as it eased your muscles a bit. It was almost a routine after your lessons. Clean up to get rid of any evidence of harm. After all you needed to stay quiet. You didn’t want your family to know how not good enough you were. Your sisters surely never had such difficulties. Perhaps they were better suited to be a proper lady then you.

The thought of marrying a poor man crossing your mind. It was after all what your governess said. That you should be lucky to have such an average face for you would never taste the luxuries of a title. Not one deserving off. Letting your dress fall back over your knees, you took a deep breath. Taking the bowl of water, you moved over to your window. Pushing it open as you came sitting on the edge for a second.

Looking down at the ground beneath you. Quickly you emptied the water as it fell into the grass. A sudden knock at your door made you jump out of your skin. Quickly close the window once more, setting the bowl aside. A maid entered. – “Miss Bridgerton, diner is served.” – she told you. You nodded at her, following her downstairs.

You encountered Hyacinth and Gregory chatting loudly and happily over to the diner table. Anthony sitting down as a maid pulled his chair closer. Colin and Benedict already deep in a conversation. You came sitting down near Anthony. Eloise rushing in to join mama’s side. Francesca taking her seat beside you. Anthony smiled upon your arrival. – “How have your lessons been, Y/n?” – he asked laying a napkin on his lap. – “Productive…” – you answered, fumbling with your fingers nervously under the table.

“Has she taught you already French? I’d say I struggled a bit with it.” – Francesca said with a snort. You quietly shook your head. – “Not yet…” – you whispered. – “Y/n is still young.” – Anthony made clear to his sister. – “She will learn French soon enough and when she does, she will thrive at it.” – He turned his head to you with a warm smile. You couldn’t help yourself, but smile saddened back at him. Oh how high value he had of you. The first course arrived making you swallow nervously. Looking around carefully at everyone and how occupied they were.

You gently moved your hand above the table, picking up your spoon. About to put the spoon in your mouth, commented your brother Benedict on your hands. – “Y/n, did you hurt yourself? Your hands are red and scraped.” – his comment made you drop your spoon, hiding your hand underneath the table again. – “Let me see!” – Anthony insisted grabbing for your hand underneath the table.

You fought with every might to not let him see it, but your brother’s grip was stronger. He revealed your hand above the table, forming an opinion for himself. Letting his fingers brush gently under your knuckles. – “Did you fall in the garden?” – he asked worriedly. Pressing your lips together you remained silent. – “Y/n hasn’t been out in the garden all day.” – Colin pointed out. – “Truly?” – Benedict spoke on it with furrowed brows. – “Y/n how did you require it then?” – Benedict turned to you, barely touching his soup.

“The skin is rough… flesh scraped… this doesn’t seem like a first wound.” – Anthony said out loud, thinking as he carefully held your hand. You pulled your hand out of his, moving it down. Your little action made your brothers wary. – “Y/n tell us where you hurt yourself. If it happened numerous times we must do something about it.” – Colin made clear pointing with his spoon at you. – “Is it from a sharp edge from your nightstand? A certain type of fabric that is rough?” – Anthony suggested concerningly.

You couldn’t tell them, not even a bit. It was all getting too much for you. Making you push your chair back and take a run for it. Anthony threw his napkin on the table, getting up as well. – “Where… where is everyone going?” – Violet asked seeing her sons get up. – “A moment mama.” – Colin said with a bow before following his brothers. – “Y/n!” – Anthony shouted loud going in pursuit.

There was an attempt to escape them, unfortunately you failed miserably. Benedict grabbing you quickly by the shoulder. – “No!” – you called out, swaying your arms around to break free. – “Y/n what is the matter? We are simply concerned about you.” – Colin made clear trying to calm you. – “Let me go!” – you stomped firmly on your brother’s toes making him call it out in pain. His grip on you released, yet you stumbled to the ground.

The burn on your knees from hitting the floor made you flinch. Slowly you turned around to come and sit down, hands beside you. A part of your dress upwards making Anthony’s eyes widen. – “What is this!” – he called out, dropping to his knees as he pulled your dress up to reveal your knees. Benedict and Colin gasping in terror. Anthony’s jaw tensed. – “Y/n this isn’t from simply falling. What happened!” – he outed loudly seeing your bruised knees. Black and blue as the bruises barely had proper time to heal. Still you remained silent, looking away.

“The truth!” – Anthony shouted, moving his hands forwards to grab you. When he saw you flinch, he stopped, staring with wide eyes at you. Benedict lowering him beside Anthony. – “Y/n. Is someone hurting you?” – you couldn’t hold it anymore when Benedict asked it. Tears streaming down your face. Sobbing loudly and almost out of breath. – “Y/n who!” – Anthony demanded to know as Colin came kneeling beside you, pulling you close against his chest.

You shook your head not wanting to tell them. – “Y/n please I beg of you.” – Anthony spoke nearly sobbing himself from seeing his little sister in so much pain. That someone was hurting you. – “My governess…” – you cried out finally speaking about it. Benedict and Anthony shared a brief glance. “Why didn’t you tell us?” – Colin spoke stroking your back. – “Because… you wouldn’t have believed me… and besides…I…I deserve it.” – you outed wiping some tears away. – “No!” – Anthony said loudly, placing his hands on top of your knees.

“You did not deserve it. Not one bit of it. Your governess was wrong to treat you like this and she will not be forgiven for it.” – he added as Colin placed a kiss down your head. – “That is no way to treat any person… you didn’t deserve it Y/n, you certainly didn’t.” – Colin told you. Benedict took your hand, placing a gentle kiss on it. – “She won’t harm you anymore Y/n. We’ll make sure of it.” – Your brothers helped you up to your feet, group hugging you so tightly you felt the warmth of their heart. – “You are worthy Y/n. You are enough.”

----------------------------------------------------------

Read more of my fics on my Masterlists!

[whore-era]

a/n: 'reader experiencing ptsd symptoms and not knowing what they are or what they're going through until ellie finds them mid panic after something triggers them. soft and comforting ellie my beloved <;3' this drabble is for this anon. this anon also put in my inbox a lil bit more detail of this request — including their own ptsd episode they experienced, which i didn't feel comfortable posting to the public for ppl to see. so this one is dedicated u to anon! & anyone else who is experiencing something similar, i hope this drabble gives u a lil bit of comfort <3

ellie x fem!reader: comforting you during a PTSD episode

tw: ptsd, ptsd-related symptoms, mentions of violence (guns/gunshots)

ringing.

all you could hear was ringing in your ears. then, you froze.

you completely forgot where you were, what you were doing, who you were with — until you heard it. the gunshot.

one, singular gunshot brought back a memory you tried your hardest to forget, the memory of the night you tried to run from scars — the seraphites.

you usually never went with ellie on patrol, for this very reason. the sounds of guns petrified you, and it wasn't something you were ready to explain to your girlfriend just yet.

but jesse and ellie were going out, and you wanted so badly to look for pumpkin seeds, which were hard to come by in jackson. so, you thought you'd tag along with them, thinking you'd be okay knowing they usually dealt with the infected with knives anyways.

somehow, jesse's knife got lost, and he had to use his shotgun to take down two of the infected.

the ringing in your ears never stopped and you were glued to the ground, your breathing slowing down.

"babe! babe!" a hand waved in your face, and you were snapped out of your lost thought. jesse and ellie were in front of you, their brows furrowed in worry.

"you're trembling, baby," ellie holds onto your arms, "are you okay?"

nothing came out. your mouth unable to speak.

"i think we should cut patrol short. get her back into town." jesse murmurs to ellie. ellie nods, putting an arm around you and leading you to shimmer, helping you get on.

ellie gets on behind you, wrapping her arms around you as she holds onto shimmer's leads.

she couldn't help but notice the way you quivered the entire ride back to town, or how clammy your skin became.

it wasn't long 'til you all made it back. you could hear the bustling and voices chatting, wondering why the patrol ended so early or why you looked like you'd just seen a ghost. jesse was generous enough to explain things to others, coming up with something quick and believable to get them off your back.

ellie helped you off the horse, letting one of the stable-boys take shimmer. her arms were wrapped tightly around you as she walked with you the whole way back home, kissing your hair and murmuring sweet nothings in your ear.

"i'm here, sweet girl. i'm not goin' anywhere," she whispers, "you're okay. i got you."

her words couldn't register in your mind, as you were too distracted by the memories that would play on and off in your brain. it was like you were back there all over again, fearing for your life.

ellie unlocked the front door of the house, gently pushing you inside with her hand on the small of your back. leading you towards your shared bedroom, she sits you on the bed.

everything else went by like a blur. all you could remember was ellie helping you take your clothes off, putting you in a sleep shirt, and helping you sip a little bit of water — then everything faded to darkness.

you were running. running away from the hooded beings — the scars. you could hear them yelling. you heard their feet following behind you. you hid behind a tree and crouched down, clamping a hand over your mouth to muffle your heavy breathing. one of the seraphites come out from the side, pointing a gun at you and putting their finger on the tri—

"no! no! no!" you shoot up, waking up from your sleep, covered in sweat and shaking in fear with tears streaming down your face.

a hand touches your shoulder, startling you, "please! let me go! let me go! i don't want to di-"

ellie grabs your face, forcing you to look at her. "baby! look at me! it's just me," she brings you back down to earth. "i'm here. no one else. just me and you."

you focus on everything around you. ellie's face. her green eyes. her freckles. the darkness outside the windows. the clock reading 4:37AM. the duvet sprawled out on the bed. the polaroids of you and ellie scattered on the wall.

you were in jackson. in your home. with ellie. no one else.

you burst into tears, sobbing into ellie's neck. you were terrified. you thought you were back there, and that you never escaped. it felt so real to you. everything came back so clearly.

"it's okay, baby. i'm here." she coos, "you're safe."

you're safe. you were safe. you weren't there anymore. you were here. with ellie. and ellie was going to do everything in her power to make sure you were okay.

"i-i.." you stutter, "i thought i-i was b-being h-hunted, t-that they f-found—" a tear rolls down your cheek, "—i-i thought they found me."

"you don't have to-" you interrupt ellie.

"no," you sniffle, "i have to get it off my chest. i'm safe now." she nods, allowing you to continue.

"i was just out patrolling one day, for the small group i was with. we needed food. and then i found them, the scars. i saw them just— doing these horrible things to people," you whisper, "and the next thing i knew, they saw me. they chased me and were hunting me down. luckily, i got away. but i could never forget about the way the bullets almost got me." a few tears cascaded down your face, ellie taking the liberty of wiping them away.

"i am so, so sorry, baby." ellie's heart squeezed in her chest, wishing she could've protected you then, knowing she'd fucking kill every last person who touched even lay a finger on your hair. her hand went to cup your face, wiping away the tears with her thumb as you nuzzled into her hand.

"i wish i can make you forget— forget that you ever went through that, even if it meant i'd have to remember it instead," ellie murmured, "but i can't."

ellie brings you closer to her, "all i can do right now is protect you. i promise i will make sure you're safe. put it on my life."

she leans in, her forehead resting against yours, "you'll never have to be scared again, i promise you that, sweet girl." her lips press onto yours, before pulling away again.

you nod, for the first time in awhile, trusting that you'll be okay, knowing that ellie is with you and that you'll never have to be alone.

"okay, els," you hum, "but i don't think i can go back to sleep again. i'm just scared i'm gonna have another nightmare and i don't think i can ha-" she cuts you off.

"okay, pretty girl. we'll stay up 'til the sun comes up and i'll tell jesse that you and i are gonna stay in tomorrow, yeah?" ellie kisses your forehead, "i'm not gonna leave you alone. i'll be here with you. i promise."

[ms--lobotomy]

Welcome to the community! Love your style - haven’t had a laugh as good as while reading the worm post in a while.

How about a slice of life piece with Perturabo? I always thought anyone who he considers as a s/o must have a pretty strong personality lol

howdy, anon! first of all, thank you so much! second, im going to take "slice of life" as a slice of life in our universe, not wh40k canon. this means that i can diverge even more from canon than normal! fun!

enough yapping, here's your fic bestie

---

summary: you decide to do something nice for perturabo and he doesn't know how to take it because he is so emotionally constipated

word count: 989

content warnings: perty's a rude lil shit but you can take it, right? also implication of diddlin'

---

Beams of light found their way through the tree in your front yard into the window at the front of your house and onto the fake-wood floor. It wasn't much as far as houses went, it was small and ratty and some of the lights didn't work. But it was a place to live, and you and your lover had to take what you could get.

Clad in a t-shirt that was many sizes too big for you, you buttered up the old pan that you had and broke three eggs into it. One for you, two for him. They began to bubble from the bottom after a while, and you smiled. You weren't normally the cook in this relationship; he preferred to do the things like cooking himself. But sometimes he would bury himself in his work and forget to eat or otherwise take care of himself. Today was one of those days. When you woke up, you saw him already hard at work on another painting.

As you were getting the bacon from the fridge, you heard the booming footsteps that could only belong to your lover. Perturabo. Your heart stopped in your chest for a split second--this was supposed to be a surprise! Soon enough, he stood in the doorway, almost too tall for it. There was paint on both his shirt and his shorts. He began to speak, his voice booming.

"I thought I was going to be making breakfast today," he said curtly.

"Tough luck," you replied, putting a few strips of bacon on the griddle. The crackle it made was quite satisfying to the ear. "You had your chance and you didn't do it."

He walked over to you, putting his free arm around your waist. His arms were quite large He leaned over you, surveying your handiwork. "You let them cook for too long," he pouted, nestling his head in the crook of your neck. He wrapped his arms around you as you began to separate egg white from egg white.

"I barely cooked these," you said. "Do you want salmonella?"

He chuckled, rocking you back and forth. You couldn't see it, but a slight smile dusted his lips. "Even if I could get it from this," he took a hand away from you quickly to gesture to the food, "it'd be worth it."

"If you're sure," you replied, breaking away from his warm embrace to put his allotted two eggs onto one of the plates that you had pulled out.

While you waited for the rest of it to finish, you grappled for his hand. There were a few paint stains on it, and you had no doubt you'd be getting paint on your hands as well. It's not like you were going anywhere today. He looked... stumped at this development. Almost as if he couldn't process what was going on.

"What, you can't handle some good ol' Christian hand-holding?" you asked, using the broken plastic spatula in your free hand to move the rest of your meal to your plates. "Even after last night?"

The color drained from his face. You got him. You smirked, giving that stupidly warm hand that enveloped yours a squeeze. "No, but really. I promise you that you're just as worthy of affection as..." you trailed off. The people around him? That wouldn't be very worthy in his eyes. Unless it was someone like...

"You're just as worthy of affection as I am." You looked up at him, and the smile on your face was genuine.

You didn't know how a man of his size could let out such a little "Oh...", but he did. He sheepishly let go of your hand and grabbed his plate, the meal looking pathetically small next to him. You could see the wheels turning in his head as he thought of what to say next. Something genuine? Something flippant? Something somehow both?!?

"I wanted to show you something," he finally blurted out. There was still this flustered look on his face as he sat at the table.

You finished your meal soon enough, and as you put your dish in the sink, you felt a hand at the bottom of your jaw. You felt your neck turn at an awkward angle to look up at your lover, and he had a smug grin on his face.

"Close your eyes, dear," he said.

Oh. He said dear. This was serious. As you closed your eyes, you could feel the hand move from your neck to your eyes, enveloping them in darkness. You didn't know why he told you to close your eyes in the first place, but you weren't going to press further. He put his free hand on your shoulder and led you through the small house. You didn't get very far before you got to your bedroom, a small thing with just enough room for an easel and some art supplies.

He removed his hand. The painting faced you, clear as day. It was a beautiful rendition of him holding a worm. If it weren't for the clear brush strokes, it would have looked like a photograph taken of him.

"It's beautiful," you started, "but I don't get it."

"Remember when you asked me if I would love you if you were a worm?" he asked with a chuckle. "This is me. With my beautiful worm partner."

"Oh!" you exclaimed. You remembered asking in the dead of night, while you were nothing but a lump in his arms. He'd dodged the question at the time, but he'd clearly been thinking about it. "So you would love me if I were a worm!" you laughed. "I knew it!"

You threw your arms around him. Despite the difference in size between you two, he recoiled a little bit. He wrapped his arms around you and rested his head on top of yours. And in this little house, you were content.

[dnd-smash-pass-vs]

As the year wraps up, I gotta get something off my chest, don't worry I'm not making a habit of this. Even though I know that the people who it's pointed at won't read or care, and the people who do see the resemblance to themselves likely won't be the ones I'm talking to. but I just had to delete multiple asks again, and it's stuff I get all the time, so I'm going to indulge in a little angry rant that you're free to ignore. Because seriously, I LOVE getting asks, I'd turn them off if I didn't. but some of ya'll REALLY don't understand there's a person on the other end of this. ...also, this is explicitly not pointed to the happy anon with the super long slaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad post last night, you're cool. I was just a really tired last night and hit delete on accident.

- Every time a post gets reblogged, it finds more monsterfuckers, but also more non-monsterfuckers. A less monstrous person doing well or winning does not mean you're the only monsterfucker here. don't fill my inbox with multi-paragraph "everyone here's supposed to be a monsterfucker" hate essays every time a monstrous option isn't in a massive lead, take it up with your followers if it matters to you that much. -Some of you are fine always voting against bone devil no matter what, but can't comprehend something auto-losing for a different reason. Like "I hate heat." Or strong smells, or frogs. Sometimes people don't like the option they chose, they just hate it less. I see the merit in near any option I post, even if it's not for me...but seeing why you like it doesn't me I do too, stop asking me to take sides. - Or the opposite, one of the most common tags is "I love both, but I have a core memory or fetish with one so that's my default." Choosing one doesn't mean they hate the other option and you specifically. I'd happily fuck them both, but one indulges a fetish more core to me than some of my organs. - Someone who would fuck a werewolf or manticore or such is a monsterfucker, even if they don't go further. You don't get to say they aren't a REAL monsterfucker because you decided their preferred monsters aren't monstrous enough. Do you to see someone thirsting over a butch and say they're not a REAL lesbian because you decided that's not girly enough? There's no need to be elitist or gatekeep. Especially in an ask, but also in general tbh.

- I'm a basic bitch too sometimes! Just because we like the weird stuff doesn't mean we have to start hating the basic stuff and those who indulge in it. kinkshaming goes both ways, neither of which should be sent to me. You are not the standard by which all is judged, you being relatively more kinky does not make them objectively less kinky. - Seriously, if tumblr is anything, it's the "Labels" site. where people come to learn thier labels, give themselves labels, show off thier labels, surround themselves in similar labels until they forget it's not the only label. Often while saying they hate labels. It's not even the monsterfucker website, Tumblr's just more neutral toward it instead of openly hostile. I get the disappointment, but don't direct it to me. TLDR: That shoggoth or whatever isn't going to become real and fuck you because you flooded my inbox with rants on how "anyone who didn't choose X is fake, and all ya'll aren't TRUE BELIEVERS of the ONE TRUE MONSTERFUCKER GOD." Sarenrae on a bike, It's my blog, and I say everyone's welcome as long as they stay civil. so be civil before I take the anon button away. At least some people have the guts to show their face when insulting anyone who likes ___ over ___

[sanguineterrain]

Lampshade - s.h.

Based on this request. This ended up way longer than a blurb so I decided to post it on its own. I got a little teary writing this one---hit close to home for me. Hopefully I did your request justice anon

Summary: After an encounter with your high school bully, you're reminded that you don't have to be alone with your insecurities.

Word count: 2.2k

Pairing: Steve Harrington x fem!plus-size!reader

Warnings: fatphobia, insecurities, self-doubt, bullying, arguing (happy ending!) Steve is the sweetest angel baby mkay?

MAIN MASTERLIST | Follow my notification blog @sanguine-stranger for fic updates!

****

You feel like a lampshade.

It's been a long time since you've dared to set foot at a party. The last one had been Eliza Meyer's eleventh birthday party at her house. A kid had eaten too much ice cream and threw up on the carpet.

Tonight's party isn't much different. Whoever's house it is, it's already trashed.

Maybe you should've fought harder to do literally anything else this weekend, except Steve's puppy eyes are brutal. And you can't deny the guilt you feel already, forcing him into trips to craft stores and the bookstore instead. Steve deserves a girl who can have fun. It's only been a year since Steve was King Steve. You know you're part of his fall from grace. You know that. You never fucking forget it, frankly.

But you feel like a lampshade. Dimmed light, hidden. As insignificant as wallpaper. As tiny as a fly.

You're used to taking up space; used to telling yourself that it's okay you take up space. That you deserve to exist just the same as anybody else.

But this is not your place to take up space. You don't belong here.

Steve is getting drinks. You'd opted to stay in the living room, not wanting to attempt navigating a kitchen full of drunk young people. Steve had kissed your cheek and promised a swift return.

"Hey!"

You turn. French manicured nails curl around a red plastic Solo cup. Andrea Burgess has the same big hair you remember from high school, hairsprayed and teased to the heavens. She will probably marry some schmuck and pop out three or four viper babies who have her fire hazard hair. Poor kids.

Andrea is all smiles, razors hidden beneath pearly whites. You remember how she'd dumped pudding over some poor band kid's uniform in junior year. How she'd terrorized girls in the locker room. How she'd terrorized you.

Maybe she doesn't remember you.

"Didn't think this was your scene, Y/N."

No such luck.

You nod tightly, praying she'll leave you be.

"Aw, c'mon. Nothing to say? I know your mouth is big enough for extra cafeteria pie. Surely you can spare a hello."

"Leave me alone, Andrea," you say.

Her eyes light up. She loves when her victims beg.

"Heard you're going out with Steve Harrington now. Like, I knew you were pathetic, but I didn't know you were a liar."

"It's not a lie. Steve's my boyfriend."

That only fuels the fire. You've seen the bitter jealousy before. Girls have no idea what the hell Steve is doing with someone like you. They're confused, then angry, hurling daggers with their eyes. You never mention it to Steve. You can't bear to see realization in his own eyes. He'll wake up from a fog. They're right. What am I doing with you?

Andrea laughs. "What, as like, charity work?"

Your eyes begin to burn. Where are you, Steve?

"Leave me alone, Andrea." Your voice is weaker now and sounds more like a plea.

"What're you gonna do? Chase me down?"

You are a lampshade. You are a feather floating in the wind. High school is past you. Andrea means nothing.

Oh, but her words hurt. You've always been sensitive, too soft. Steve thinks you're a dream. You feel like a raw nerve.

"You know, Steve used to make fun of you too."

Your blood runs cold. Andrea clocks your reaction and keeps going.

"You think he was above that? Look at who he dated. I mean, God, Nancy Wheeler's not winning any prizes, but she's tiny."

Nancy is beautiful. She's also incredibly smart and has become something of a friend. But that voice has always been there, sounding suspiciously like Andrea Burgess. A reminder that Nancy had Steve first for a reason.

"S-Steve would never do that."

Your voice wobbles. You're trying to be strong but you can't. You'd hoped all these years would've toughened you up but you can't do it. The Andreas of the world will break you every time.

"Called you every name in the book," Andrea informs you keenly. "Big girl and built like a linebacker. He was real creative. You're a joke to him, Y/N. He'll get you out of his system and move on."

Steve has never mentioned your weight or appearance. Kindly, he calls you beautiful, gorgeous, pretty, sweet, lovely. He akins you to a shrinking violet, a flower that just needs a little coaxing to bloom. He asks for you to let him take you shopping. You never seem to want to go shopping with him. Baby, how come we don't go to the mall? I have style, I swear!

You don't mention your weight to him in fear he'll notice. Steve will notice, and then he'll realize what a huge mistake he's made. So you keep quiet. Maybe he won't know. Maybe you'll get to keep him. Steve is a patch of golden sunshine in this hellhole.

You love him. The thought, however frightening, is there, real and true. You don't want to mess this up. You'll suck in your stomach and cover all the mirrors if that's what it takes.

"He's already ditched you," Andrea continues cruelly. "Probably glad to be rid of the dead weight."

You can't take anymore. You run.

Andrea doesn't follow you. There's too many people in the hallway and your vision is blurring fast. You go upstairs, blindly checking doors. Your hand hovers over a knob to a bedroom. The thought that Steve is inside with someone else briefly crosses your mind. You sprint down the hall, away from that thought.

You find the bathroom and lock the door. Then you sit on the toilet lid. And you cry.

You try to keep quiet. The bass from the speakers thumps below, but still. You can't risk anybody finding you. Least of all Steve. Steve would ask you about what happened. Steve would want to fix it, because Steve always wants to make things better.

You can't be fixed. He can't know.

Your nose is snotty, tears clumping in your lashes. You grab the edge of the window sill and cry harder. Your chest aches from lack of air but you can't stop.

You have to calm down if you want Steve to take you home. You'll need an excuse, though. Sick, you feel sick. You threw up. Steve won't question that. He'll touch your forehead and coo and you'll never have to talk about tonight.

You scrub your face with cold water. Your eyes are puffy from crying and you can't smooth your frown no matter how hard you try. You wipe your face with toilet paper.

You can't look in the mirror too long or you'll break and start crying again. So you spin on your heel and unlock the door, slipping out. The hallway is still empty. All of the noise is downstairs. Your secret is safe.

Steve will likely be searching for you. Hopefully, you haven't been gone too long. You can say you got lost, or caught up with an old friend. You're a terrible liar, especially to Steve.

Andrea's words creep back in. Maybe you're lying to yourself too.

You wipe your nose with a knuckle and swallow. You just need to keep it together for another hour. Then you're home free.

Steve looks like he belongs here. Two cups in hand, coolly perched on the edge of the armchair, Steve Harrington is certainly somebody's king.

Andrea touches his arm and giggles. Steve's barely looking at her. A wave of nausea turns your stomach.

He sees you and stands, shaking her off. But it's too late. You're out of Steve's system.

"Y/N? Baby, where are you g—"

You barrel through the crowd by the front door. You don't care about your jacket in Steve's car. You'll walk home if that's what it takes. Anything to get away.

It's more than chilly tonight. But the air feels good on your face, hot tears having returned. You scrub furiously at them.

You should've known. Why hadn't you seen it? You know better than to let your guard down around somebody like Steve Harrington. To think he could want you. Who are you? You're never making that mistake again.

"Y/N!"

Steve is running. Of course you had to go and fall in love with a guy who's athletically inclined.

You pick up your pace.

"Go 'way, Steve!" you hiccup.

Your voice is hoarse and raw from crying. You know Steve can hear it.

"Y/N, honey—"

"I'm walking home," you shout, voice cracking. You ache so bad. You want to stop and break right there on the sidewalk.

He catches your elbow. You wrench your arm away. When you turn, Steve looks like he's been slapped.

You keep wiping your eyes but the tears are coming too fast now.

"Y/N, what happened? Tell me what happened," he begs.

You cry harder and bend, holding your arms. Steve steps forward, hands fluttering over you.

"Baby, baby. Please, I need you to breathe, please. What hurts? Tell me what hurts."

"I'm your joke," you grit through tears. "You've got me out of your system."

"What?" Steve gasps. "What are you talking about?"

"Look at me!" You're too loud. You've never been this loud with Steve. "Look at the fucking big girl! Did you have fun?"

"Y/N." Steve looks like he's close to breaking. His eyes are glassy. "Please stop. Please. Don't call yourself that. Was it her in the chair? I pushed her away. I don't even know her name, I—"

"Her name is Andrea Burgess. And you're all the same. You lie," you grit. "I love you and you love girls like Nancy. You would’ve laughed at me back then and you—you—"

Your hands ball into fists. Steve gently takes your wrists. You want to fight, want to push. But you can't. You're not strong enough. So you collapse.

Steve holds you like you might float away if he doesn't. You cry into his shirt, clutching fistfuls of fabric. Steve folds over you, shielding you from it all. He rubs your back in slow circles.

"I'm sorry," you sob. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry—"

"Baby, stop. Y/N. Sweetheart. Stop, stop it."

Steve takes your face in his hands, thumbs wiping your cheeks. He kisses your forehead ever so gently. More tears spill.

"I'm not strong enough for her," you choke. "She got in my head. I'm sorry, I'm sorry—"

"Y/N, hey, hey, no. I should've been there. God, I'm so sorry. You don't have to face this alone. Whatever she said isn't true. You're not a–a joke."

Steve looks like the word makes him sick. Your arms curl around his neck. He cradles you like you're something precious.

"I don't want to lose you," you whisper. "I'm sorry I said those things. You've only been good. You deserve better."

"Baby, you're not gonna lose me," Steve replies brokenly. "Is that what you think? That I'll leave?"

"I wouldn't blame you," you sniff. "You could have anybody. I couldn't even go to one party without ruining it."

"You did not ruin anything. Okay? She said those terrible things. None of it is true. You are not a joke or something to get out of my system or any other horrible shit she said. I don't—I'm not like that. I would never hurt you."

"I know you wouldn't," you say shakily. "I know, I know. She said you teased me and I know you didn't, I know that."

"But there were people like me who did," Steve says quietly.

You sag. "You're not like them."

"I could've been. If I hadn't gotten some sense knocked into me..."

Steve shudders and tightens his grip.

"Is that why you didn't tell me?" he asks.

"I... no, I know you're a good guy, Steve. I just—I was scared. I am scared. You might wake up one morning and decide you can do better than me."

"Hey. Listen to me." Steve backs up slightly so you can see his face. "You are the most incredible person I have ever met. Nothing is going to change that. Okay? You're beautiful and I love you. I love you. Not despite anything. I love you for you."

Your eyes burn again. You bury your face in Steve's arm.

"I didn't mean that stuff."

"I know," he murmurs, cheek on your head. "It's okay. I can't—I don't know what that kind of hurt feels like. But I know I'd never want you to feel it. So will you do me a favor?"

"Hmm?"

"Promise me you'll tell me if you’re feeling like this?"

The wind cuts through with a whistle. You don't feel it with Steve around you. He rubs your arms.

"I promise," you nod.

"Thank you," he says and gently tilts your chin. "D'you want me to pull the car around?"

You shake your head. "That's okay. I wanna walk with you."

Steve takes your hand.

"Next time we'll go to the bookstore," he promises.

"I don't wanna force you to go," you sigh. "You like these parties."

He shrugs, kisses your temple.

"Nah. Party Steve was a long time ago. 'Long as I'm with you, I'm good. I've got you."

You smile and kiss him, bumping your nose with his. Eventually you pull away. Steve clears his throat, suddenly bashful.

"So back there... you, uh, love me?"

Your eyes widen, heart pounding. Don't back down. You're safe here.

"Yeah," you say softly. "I do. I meant to tell you in a far nicer way, I swear."

"You could... say it again?"

You grin. "I love you."

Steve is sunshine. No more hiding in the dark for you.

"I love you too, baby. So much."

And your insecurities won't disappear overnight, true. But you won't face them alone. Not anymore.

[ofbreathandflame]

I think the best argument against "He didnt have a choice" ( i think this is why choice is rhysands favorite word 🥴) is you're right, he didn't. The AUTHOR did. Sjm had a choice and still she went for the worst and more illogical one. She still decides to put the women in her series under awful situations without further consequences. I really dislike phrases like "my characters wanted me to write them that way" or "my characters lead the story". Im always yes this is a romantic way to see the writing process but ill never forget this author who said "my characters do whatever the hell I want them to do".

hi anon!!!! (sorry this is a super old anon that i actually finished writing a while ago sorry nonny💙. can’t think of anything to say so im just posting old stuff in my drafts today 🫶🏾)

i agree! its a problem on multiple different levels. for one, sjm often relies on telling the audience what we should get out of a scene, instead of what allowing us to form our own takeaways. its a very hand-holding type of storytelling; in consequence, the 'evidence' being derived is often contradictory to actual events. like the story can argue that "change is slow," and thats why illyria and the con persist, but that statement is consistently proven to be incorrect.

lets look at how invalid the idea of 'change is slow is'

in one year - feyre is able to become high lady, effectively creating an entirely new governing system, in which, a high lord can give a person absolute power of the court (remember - what feyre and rhysand say is 'law'). there is no process, no objection, or any fear of reprimand. rhys doesn't even have to consult his second-in-command. not only that - but feyre is also allowed power over the court of nightmares, which politically, is supposedly an entirely different governing state. again - keir and devlon are not consulted about this.

it took six months to produce to first illyrian female warrior to complete the rite in history. in the span of six months - emerie completes the rite. thats more illyrian women than rhys, az, and cass's entire 300-400 year reign.

it takes feyre less than a month to completely cause an entire court to fall - yet regimes such as tam's father, beron, and amarantha somehow persisted as long as they despite them being canonically worse rulers. even - and i mean even - if tamlin was the worst leader to have ever walked this earth, it would still take more than three to four weeks. and factoring in that this is a population of immortal, canonically 'slow-to-change' individuals.......

like - how slow can the change actually be? how can the book possibly explain how such drastic changes happen from book to book but not in 400 years? how come there have been no illyrian women in the army or in the rite if cassian and rhys have earnestly been working with the females in illyria? even the few moments we see them at illyria, they still seem to be at a rudimentary level; there's no established female training areas, no veteran trainees, no consequences for breaking the law in regards to the females...there's nothing that suggests any actual measures have been taken.

that's just one example of 'canon' statements acting in contradiction the previously established pieces of information. more - its a consistent pattern of contradiction in regards to certain characters. its their natural characterization acting against the forced narrative voice.

and this makes it problem on mulitiple fronts.

and even more, off the point you made about the women in her stories - i think there needs to be a larger conversation had about the patterns of female violence in these books; specifically the role that female violence plays in establishing sexual tension and relationships in general. or...the amount of times the female protagonist has to undergo some extreme form of humiliation at the behest of future love interest; there's an utter lack of this with the men.

sjm is a very intentional author - these problems exist because of how intentional she is as a writer. i know exactly the function of each scene, exactly what emotion the she wants me to feel. this is not because these characters are written well, but because we are often just told it. feyre can 'express' disdain for rhysand'a actions, but she often undermines her own inner thoughts about the issue. feyre’s inner thoughts are often abuse apologist 101 and in retrospect it’s kind of painful the way she consistently makes excuses for rhys, even when it’s her well-being being threatened and undermined. and that’s honestly bc sjm’s narrative voice supersedes the natural characterization of her characters. sjm doesn’t know how to organically create conflict between characters she actually likes bc she doesn’t know how to write conflict. it’s a consistent pattern in her series and it’s why all the villains suck and all battles ultimately fall flat.

but the problem becomes a bit broader (i.e. this is a larger issue in publishing and literary crit). some of the arguments that i see often, and that i referenced in my last post are these:

"why read this this book if you don't like the characters?" "why continue to read the book if you don't like it?" "this is a book about fairy porn - why are you analyzing it." "i read for fun." (this is not a bad statement, but it becomes troublesome in the context i will explain)

the commonality between these statements is that they are avoidant. often, they are employed when people can't explain away the amounting problems in the series, so they avoid the conversation.

because for one, you should never (and I means NEVER) say that a piece of literature should not be analyzed. or that fantasy negates interrogation into harmful themes. that’s just anti intellectual nonsense. second, if we’re arguing about real world issues bc of the book; of if your argument is that tamlin is abusive bc he did abusive things, then you literally can’t make this argument. the whole point of moving from tam is bc he was…abusive. abuse is not a fantasy. regardless of what the author intends, if a character is abusive or does absuive things, we should be looking at that.

look…if you are defending rhys using the logic the book establishes please have it. but the moment you implicate real-world values into this story, you’ve got to see it to the end. the same goes for the series as a whole: the second maf decided to integrate a ‘domestic violence plot lines’ specifically referring to behaviors as ‘red flags’ it immediately kind of gave up the kind of distance the fantasy romance genre usually gives to such issues.

[softguarnere]

Can I requests a oneshot with Ron Speirs x reader? everyone in easy thinks that big grumpy speirs holds a grudge against the reader bc he often gives her paperwork or smth but in reality he just wants to keep her around him out of protectiveness bc he likes her? But she doesn't know and thinks he doesn't like her either so shes kind of intimidated but also has a massive crush on him? But when he sees the reader with some other easy members he gets jealous and snaps so now he has to tell her that hes in love with her. Don't stress yourself, i just thought it could be interesting, thank youu

From Scratch

Ron Speirs x reader

Summary: No, what bothers you is that ever since he gained control of Easy Company, he’s done nothing but take opportunities away from you. You’re proud to be a lieutenant. But what’s the point of holding the rank if you never do any of the work that comes with it?

A/N: Thank you so much for the request, Anon! I swear I didn't forget about this - or the other prompts in my inbox. School has been keeping me busy this semester, so this took me a long time to write. But it's here now, and I hope you enjoy it! (This is written for the fictional depiction from the show - no disrespect to the real life veterans!) 💕🕊️

Warnings: mentions of war

“Uh oh!” Nixon singsongs when you step into the command post. “Looks like someone is in trouble.” He flashes you a broad grin as you make your way over to his desk and drop a stack of files with a heavy thwack! “What’d you do this time?”

Anger boils in your chest. Not towards Nixon. It’s not his fault. For his sake you try to keep your voice just as light and joking when you shrug and say, “Oh, you know, just the usual sort of thing. Got the scouting mission that I was supposed to lead taken from me and given to one of the sergeants.” You shrug. “No big deal.”

Except it is, and you both know it.

Nixon lets out a low whistle. “Damn. And might I inquire as to who arranged this?”

You roll your eyes. “Do you really need to ask?”

Speirs. It’s always Speirs.

Which seems unfair, somehow. You can still remember the first time you saw him, way back in Camp Toccoa, when he was in a different company, but already gaining a reputation for himself as one of the best runners. One time you passed him as you were going up the mountain and he was going down. He had nodded at you as he passed, and something about the niceness of the gesture made your heart jolt so fiercely that you almost tripped as you started on the switchback.

Then he went on to distinguish himself in other ways – the ever present whispers of rumors and stories that follow him like a cape made out of mystery – and suddenly, after he was put in charge of Easy Company, he didn’t seem so nice anymore. The rumors have never bothered you; Ron is a good leader, and you trust that he’s making whatever choices he needs to in order to keep the company safe.

No, what bothers you is that ever since he gained control of Easy Company, he’s done nothing but take opportunities away from you. You’re proud to be a lieutenant. But what’s the point of holding the rank if you never do any of the work that comes with it? (Well, besides paperwork, that is.)

The most frustrating part of it is that as angry as you are with him, you still feel your heart begin to hammer away in your chest whenever he enters a room – or race into triple time if you think he’s looking at you. How dare your own heart still feel so fondly towards him when your eyes can clearly see the obvious fact laid before you?

The fact being: Ronald Speirs dislikes you. Which kind of makes it feel as if someone is crushing your heart under their shoe, like a cigarette being ground out on the sidewalk, when you think about it.

You push the thought – and the feelings – aside. Or try to, anyway.

“I hate paperwork,” you mutter as you take a seat across from the intelligence officer. “Almost as much as he hates me.”

“I don’t think Speirs hates you.” When you fix him with an incredulous look, Lewis holds up his hands in surrender. “I mean, he might hold some sort of grudge against you, maybe, but hate you? If that were true, I think you’d be dead by now, (Y/N).”

You roll your eyes; it’s a conversation you’ve had before, and one that never fails to fill you with the smallest shred of hope that maybe Nixon is right about Speirs not completely hating you. “Well, now I hold a grudge against him for making me do all this paperwork.”

“You sound like somebody else I know. Ah, and if you speak of the devil, then he shall appear!”

Quick, confident footsteps approach the desk from behind you. Neither you or Nixon can stop the smiles that spread across your faces when Dick appears. Even something as simple as his presence has always been able to lighten the mood, and today is no exception.

He returns the smile as he pulls up a chair from a nearby desk to join you, but not before glancing over both shoulders, searching.

“The devil?” He huffs a laugh. “Weird. You were already here, Nix.”

“Oh ha ha,” Nixon deadpans. He props his feet up on the desk and leans back in his chair.

Dick gently pushes his friend’s feet off the desk, which makes Nixon sit upright. For his part, though, Nixon doesn’t seem to mind it. Or mind that Dick sets more paperwork in front of him. Well, at least someone seems okay with filling out forms. Maybe if you’re extra nice, you can trick him into doing all the work that Speirs assigned to you.

Just as you’re trying to sneak your stack of files in with Nixon’s, Dick raises an eyebrow at you.

“There a reason that you’re stuck inside again, Lieutenant?”

You shrug. “Oh, you know how I just can’t stay away from office work. And how much I love to be bombarded with company gossip by Nix.”

Lewis puts a hand over his heart and gasps. “What?! You mean to tell me that you don’t hang around here because you enjoy my witty banter and winning personality?”

“Actually, I would rather – “

You’re cut off by the sound of someone clearing their throat behind you.

Slowly, you turn to see Speirs standing a few feet away from where the three of you sit. Upon first glance, he looks a bit like a child standing on the fringes of a friend group on the first day of school, nervously waiting to see if he’s going to be invited to join in. But when the shock clears off, it’s impossible to miss the look in his eyes – there’s a darkness lurking beneath the surface that suddenly makes it so easy to see why every rumor thrown his direction sticks to him like he’s covered in paste. It makes your heart drop.

“Good afternoon, Captain,” Dick says, leading the charge bravely, as always.

After a nod and a brief salute, Speirs turns his attention to you. “Lieutenant (Y/L/N), I forgot to give you this.”

Your heart sinks when you realize that he’s holding yet another file full of paperwork. It’s such a setback that your heart can’t even bring itself to run wild when your hands briefly brush his as he hands it to you.

“Oh.” The words feel rough as sandpaper as you force them out. “Thank you.”

When you manage to meet his eye, Speirs has furrowed his eyebrows, which makes him look thoroughly annoyed. Standing so close, it’s easy to see the striking features of his face – like a marble bust of a Greek hero. He’s so handsome, even with the lines between his eyebrows and the frown tugging at his lips. It makes you want to reach up and smooth them away, let him lean into your touch so you can soften his features, molding them like clay into the gentle man that you imagine he might be under his tough exterior and the cold armor of rumors that make every line so harsh and so jagged to everyone else.

But you can’t do that. Instead, you’re separated from him by his armor, just like everyone else. You hate that you’ve caused him to look this way – to look at you this way.

“You know,” Speirs says, his voice quiet and as cold as the look he’s giving you. “it’s a lot safer here than it is on the line.” He glances back at Nixon and Winters before looking you up and down. “Get to work, Lieutenant.”

Then, just as quickly and as silently as he appeared, he’s gone.

It’s so cold, so impersonal. Your stomach turns to a block of ice.

Behind you, Nixon lets out a low whistle. “Well then.”

Get to work. Part of you wants to scoff, brush it off, and go back to your friends. The other part of you is chasing after him, trying to figure out where it all went wrong. Instead, you’re stuck standing there, staring after him, looking forlorn.

No, you decide. You can’t carry on like this.

The file falls unceremoniously onto the desk in front of Nixon as you toss it at him. “Finish this for me, will ya?”

Dick can’t contain the small laugh that escapes him when he sees the surprised look on Nixon’s face. You’re out the door before either of them can offer a proper response.

Outside, you don’t make it far. The door clicks shut behind you, and when you look up, you see him. Ron is a few feet away, coming towards you, closing the distance between you. Unlike a few moments before, he doesn’t look mad. The hard edges of his expression have softened into something like concern.

You stop in front of each other, each waiting for the other to say something.

“Can we talk?” You ask at the same time that Ron blurts out, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”

You blink. “You’re what?”

Voices fill the air as a small group of officers approaches the command post. Ron gently takes your elbow and guides you aside so that they can pass, not seeming to notice or care what it does to your poor heart.

He lowers his voice as the group passes. “Can we talk? Privately?”

The Ronald Speirs wants to talk, alone, with you. There’s no question about it – you follow him.

He leads the two of you into one of the remnants of a building that soldiers have been quartering in. The skeletal remains of the structure probably provide no protection for whatever words he wants to exchange, but at least you can be away from prying eyes.

Alone, his dark eyes look you over. The motion isn’t as harsh as it was back in the command post. No, this is . . . gentle. Like he’s studying you.

You find yourself nervous under his gaze. Clearing your throat, you try to find your words. “You wanted to talk?”

Ron looks unsure of himself – something that you never would have imagined was possible. He runs a hand through his hair and sighs, the sound filtering through the hollowed out room you stand in like it’s the building’s last raspy breath.

“I was an accountant, back before the war.”

Whatever you thought he was going to tell you, it certainly wasn’t that. You raise an eyebrow.

“Oh?”

He nods. “I’m good with numbers; that’s my strong suit. Words . . . don’t work themselves out as easily. Some people mistake quietness for cruelness.” The dim light casts shadows on his face as he tilts his head. “You’ve heard the rumors, just like everyone else?”

Who hasn’t heard the rumors, the stories? Speirs can’t walk through a room without turning heads and leaving a trail of whispers in his wake.

“Yes,” your voice comes out as a whisper. Are they true? you stop yourself from asking, because with his sudden openness, you’re starting to question everything that you’ve ever known about Ron Speirs – everything you’ve thought you’ve known. Who is this man, really?

“I . . . didn’t mean to snap at you,” Ron admits, his voice as soft as the look that he’s giving you. “And I’m sorry about all the paperwork. I don’t have a grudge against you.”

You cringe. So he did overhear that part.

He wets his lips, not quite meeting your eyes. “I try to keep you off the line so that you’ll be safe. There’s no grudge or dislike or . . . I just wanted to keep you safe because – “ He cuts himself off with a deep breath.

With the quiet all around you, the frantic beating of your heart fills the silence. “You want to keep me safe?”

“Yes. If you’ll let me.”

Being in the same room as him felt impossible a few minutes ago. Now though, some inexplicable force draws the two of you together. You both step forward so that there’s hardly any space left between you. Something in the back of your mind wonders how things have changed so quickly. What else have you been wrong about?

“Who are you, Ronald Speirs?”

So close to him, you can see the smile tugging at the edge of his mouth when he replies, “There’s your answer: Ronald C Speirs. That’s all that I am.”

An accountant. Someone’s son, brother, friend who got drafted into the war. A man. The rumors and myths that shroud him fall away until someone you don’t know stands before you. You want to get to know him.

“Well, Ron, it’s nice to meet you. I’m (Y/N).” You smile at him, and it feels natural when he returns the gesture. “Can we maybe start over?”

Ron lets out a laugh and you could swear it was the sweetest sound in the entire world. “I would like that very much.”

[swiftsdelucaa]

Hii would u write Christina Yang dating headcanons ?? Tysm

❛ 𝑫𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑪𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒂 𝒀𝒂𝒏𝒈 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏 ❜

𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: Cristina Yang x f!reader ♡

𝘼/𝙣: Here's anon, hope you'll enjoy this! ;)

It could be said that at the beginning it was more difficult to converse with her than any other intervention... of course, it is normal for attendings to make fun of interns, but to be able to have at least one consultation. "Dr. Yang, I..." "What's up?!" she usually always answers in a frustrated way or sometimes doesn't answer at all. "Forget it, I'll take care of it, you can go" "But I-" "Did you hear me?" Yeah, it would a better goal than doing a whole surgery on your own.

You've always admired Cristina Yang as a surgeon, but working with her, she looked even more amazing. The days you were with her were the best, she always had interesting cases and was successful in each one.

The day she spoke to you was after a hard surgery. You've never seen her so panicked, all that blood, the sound of the monitor. She had done this procedure a billion times, yet something was wrong. You had seen her do it several times, even in the gallery. You just acted on instinct, and the monitor sound was gone. The look in her eyes was indescribable.

From there she immediately noticed something about you that others didn't have. You finally managed to communicate, and sometimes you made speeches not only about work. Wow.

You conquered her. But now it seemed like she wanted to make you hers. She did everything to have you with her, now your future was cardiac surgery. You could never forget that evening. The hours seemed to go on and on, all you wanted was to go home. You were checking the post-ops and she came to check on you. "Good work" she said. "Well I didn't-" "Oh shut up!" she immediately put her lips on yours. "Thank you doctor Yang..."

In front of others she knew how to be strict with you, it made things much more exciting, and as soon as you were both free, you didn't miss the opportunity to see you in a call-room.

When you were home alone, you ordered plenty of food, watched TV, and almost always took long showers while singing and playing loud music. When you finished you started dancing, even naked, although Meredith once entered the house and was warmly welcomed. Well it's her fault, she didn't knock.

Once you had her, no one else could want her. Let's say it, jealousy is one of your flaws. Anyone could smell it from miles away! She tries to hide it, but in the end you always feel it. Aww it almost melts you that she cares about you.

After a while it was hard to keep things professional. You could easily give in to selling her every time she worked, but her weakest point is your looks. The fact that you were very sexy is one of the first things that was referred to. Well, you liked everything about her, literally. This girl is one of a kind about her, having a Cristina Yang in your life is the best thing that happened to you.

Once after finishing the night shift, you came back to his house sprawled on the floor. You literally couldn't move a muscle. She didn't say anything and just lying next to you. "It's not funny" you complained. "Oh I said nothing" you turned to her. "Hey" "What?" you looked into her eyes for a while. "I love you" she... laughed... "So you won't tell me?" "Nah, at least not now" it's amazing she always manages to amaze you in every way. You managed to reach the sofa and threw a pillow at her.

[utilitycaster]

Whoaaaa holy shit something just snapped into place reading you mention the concept of creating a shape of negative space bc i've been thinking so long abt the "unspoken things/quiet part" of characters. I've often had this feeling that fandom will go a million and nine yards to red string board an ocean of depth for their favorite blorbo over.... what comes down to what's technically extrapolating based off of xyz canon, but said canon will be like "this character fidgets once, half his dialogue is quoting an in-universe play he tries to recreate (by ruining ppl's lives), and he doesn't understand why someone wouldn't want to be called a monster, therefore he is AUTISTIC and that drives his logic," or "this character has xyz vague background and is TRAUMATIZED because of WAR" inventing an entire character and it's like. Oh boy. This might be a matter of not being invested enough in these characters to TRY and delve so "deep" but I keep thinking that none of this is actually. written or feels purposeful in the context of How Storytelling Works/the Narrative to MAKE me invest or think that it's worth doing so. I always wonder how many people are trying so hard to project a better story onto something without understanding that the story actually needs to BE THERE and ADDRESSED, even subtly, and token moments aren't enough. But then that gets me thinking about how Thereness needs to exist for something to be subtle but written as opposed to Conspiracy off loose projection.

I was kinda thinking abt Laudna and how to use her as an example, because she's one of those characters for whom like, yeah I as a person totally understand the cycle of being upbeat and normal and everything and then having a random spiral of Bad Upstairs before being normal again, but narratively how do you portray that and why does everyone do it so much better than her. With equal screentime, everyone feels like they have so much more meat to their motivations and psychology despite some being significantly less fraught backstory wise. What's happening here because things just feel like they come out of nowhere with her with "oh so that matters all of a sudden?"

Hi anon,

Yes to all of this! With regards to your first paragraph - I feel that a lot too. It's a tricky situation because I think it's completely valid to project things onto characters and imagine them to have specific qualities that either you have or simply that you wish to see in fiction. It only becomes difficult in a fandom sphere when people insist that this is a fully evidence-based endeavor and not a personal interpretation (especially because a lot of that evidence is, as you say, either very much open to interpretation, or else totally spurious. The number of times I've had to shoo people off my posts for talking extensively about how an immensely self-absorbed character who never thinks about others unless forced to clearly has ADHD...but I digress). And as for the conspiracy element, especially when works aren't as good - absolutely. If you haven't read this, which I reblogged a few weeks ago (has Good Omens 2 spoilers) I highly recommend you do because what you're saying resonates a lot with OP's post, both in terms of our need as fans to project or find similarities with characters, and the fact that when people are disappointed by a work sometimes they try to create a better one, but instead of just writing fanfiction and calling it fanfiction they go full conspiracy theorist and assume there's some secret twist, and fall so hard into that all-crumbs-no-schnitzel (to borrow a metaphor from that post) fanon echo chamber they forget it is, in fact, only fanon.

Which brings us to Laudna. Before I go deeper I want to cover three things. First: for me at least, this criticism comes because I know Marisha is capable of doing this negative space work. It didn't come up much with Keyleth since we kind of knew her whole deal very early (which, to be clear, is valid; not every character needs this), but it's present with both Beau (her relationship to her father is masterfully done; the hallmark of good negative space work is that when the reveal comes you say oh of course) and to a lesser extent Patia, who, like all the Calamity characters, conveys a story much greater than the one that unfolds over a single night. Second: I think part of why a number of us in the fandom are so frustrated is that we have been doing that work of generously interpreting Laudna since the beginning, but nothing ever sticks, so it's becoming less and less worth the effort.

I'd have to go back through my archives pretty extensively, but early on, the going expectation for Laudna was that she would explore the idea of being one of the bystanders in a larger story as someone killed simply because of a passing resemblance to someone the Briarwoods wished to send a message to; that we'd get insight into Whitestone during the occupation from someone who wasn't freed by Vox Machina but rather killed, indirectly, because of them. However, not only have we not gotten that, but she also was chosen for being special: Delilah chose her as a vessel because of her inherent sorcery. So then it was perhaps about that tension between finding power in her sorcery vs. warlock levels - Pâté seemed like a clear setup for Pact of the Chain, after all - but then Marisha admitted she had no intention of taking that third warlock level, and always just planned to play Laudna as exclusively leveling in sorcerer, until FCG attacked. And meanwhile, there's no exploration of those sorcery powers, either.

Speaking only for myself, I've been interrogating "hey, why is her backstory that she was chased out of everywhere but for the most part everyone is mostly fine with her?" and "in 30 years she did nothing about Delilah? Really?" for quite some time. There's a number of questions that are not just unanswered, but lack the hints that this negative space work would provide. And to be clear there are ways to explain those things! This meta does a good job of talking through why she may have been chased out, and I've floated, in the past, that even Delilah's unwelcome presence was better than the absolute silence of being truly alone. But the work to support these fandom theories, again, is not really being done at the table, and moreover, even if it starts being done...it's episode 70. It should have come up in some capacity.

Marisha said (to be clear, somewhat jokingly) in the 2022 ComicCon panel that "Yeah. I don't want to think anymore. I'm tired," re: Laudna but the thing is...honestly, in my opinion? A character with Laudna's premise requires far more work than Beau or Keyleth to do well. Not only is she tied into one of the most famous events and entwined with one of the most famous villains of Campaign 1, but she's got 50 years of backstory! Beau and Keyleth are in their early 20s! (I could make a whole other post about this but character intelligence does not equal how hard they are to play; Imogen is an immensely tough concept that Laura's doing a good job with and she's lower INT than Laudna. I'd rather play a wizard than a character like Grog any day of the week because I genuinely believe that the acting burden for making a character like Grog sympathetic and believable without going into cheap mockery and parody is immense).

Going back to that statement, it really does feel as though every 4-Sided Dive episode or panel, when Marisha talks about Laudna, it's always just that she was envisioned as being over her trauma, and the premise was always just "make that creepy girl from her nightmare". And even then: it's fine if she'd done that - simply made a creepy character who was here to be creepy and cheerfully macabre - but through gameplay it's become clear that Laudna is not over that trauma (her arrested development being one of many options), and has acquired new traumas to boot, and for that matter never was really over it given that she displays intensely but they come up so inconsistently that there's never any follow-through. I agree with you completely that the idea of her often seeming fine and happy and then having spirals is believable and true to life, but one does need to actually follow through on the spirals - I think a lot of us finally threw up our hands when Laudna's believable, well-played, and justifiable anger and resentment after being thrown across the world away from half the party, essentially pushed into a fight that isn't her own, being betrayed by Bor'Dor, and feeling Delilah's return melted away without resolution. If you want to make a character who's over their trauma and go-with-the-flow, I feel as though step 1 is to not have an eternal reminder of one's trauma permanently stuck in one's head. "Warlock who dislikes their patron" is actually a premise that requires quite a lot of thinking and effort, and we are consistently not seeing it.

I think what's most telling is that the defense of Laudna for the weird freakout this past episode is both vehement, and in conflict with itself. Is Marisha just making a joke (that didn't really land with anyone at the table nor much of the fandom, and was taken at least semi-seriously by both)? Or is it actually great and good that Laudna is incredibly traumatized and clingy and we should all hope she becomes even more clingy and codependent? When even the people who are shielding Laudna from even a whisper of criticism can't agree what Marisha's doing, it's pretty dire, especially when that criticism is "this character feels directionless and incoherent."

So getting back to negative space: It's my hunch that there just...wasn't a lot of clarity to Laudna's motivations, and the questions in her backstory weren't answered. She's creepy and she's kooky, Sun Tree corpse, Delilah in her head, met Imogen two years ago, was friends with a little girl at some point (which we only know from 4-Sided Dive, which is, to be clear, bad that it's never come up in-game). We don't know how she feels about her sorcery powers other than a vague enjoyment of their creepiness...but she also sees them as a way out from Delilah...but she also barely engages with Delilah and hasn't done anything to get rid of her. We have no sense of how she got to "the worst thing that's happened to me already happened" because while it's completely fair to play her as feeling that way 30 years later, I highly doubt she felt that way as she cut herself down from the Sun Tree. So as a result, it's hard to pick a direction because that foundation is lacking.

The thing about that negative space is that to do it well, you really need to know what you're trying to convey. Which is also why, as you say, characters with much simpler backstories are fine; Fearne was basically hanging out at her grandmother's place until EXU and her parents left when she was very young; she is curious about her parents and loves her grandmother and is a chaotic fey entity who was sent into the Material Plane with the Weave Lens, and mostly she just wants to explore and have fun and hang out with her friends. Ashley just needs to...play Fearne like that, which she does with aplomb. The complex setup for Laudna demands a huge number of answers in the backstory, and my guess is that Marisha does not have them. I think the problem isn't with the acting (in fact, I'm fairly confident it isn't, because, again, I know from past characters Marisha can do this); it's that Laudna's concept prioritized the aesthetic, mechanics, and facts of the backstory, and didn't adequately fill in her beliefs and motivations, so she's just flailing. I also suspect from the most recent 4-Sided Dive and the most recent SDCC panel that Marisha is specifically looking for interparty conflict, and to be clear that's valid...but again, to do that believably and well, Laudna's philosophy and motivations and characterization need to be much more clearly established than they are.

[faulix]

btw, since people love lying about me on this website:

i have not known lolthia for a year like they claim. i first learned of lolthia about a month ago when i noticed their racist treatment of my friend. it was by chance we learned of their goretober list that had abuse glorification with prompts like medical/drugged torture, kidnapping, and stalking. we were able to see that lolthia had a pattern of writing yandere, murder, and other gross topics with a quick search of their blog. THAT is why i decided to say something and call them out. period

x

i find it kind of hilarious that you're claiming to have blocked me from servers and discord so you don't have proof. i wonder if you would even know my discord, yknow, the one handle i haven't changed in years. i mean, surely if you have me blocked you would be able to pull that up easy right? let's not forget the fact that you're claiming to know me personally when you cannot even get my pronouns right.

x

the funny part about this is that barely anyone who rb'ed your callout weren't even your mutuals, with a good amount of people actually adding in the notes how fed up they were with your bullshit. i am not a big enstars blog. i'm not even talking about enstars right now. i am a small blogger with less than 100 followers who ships with the only two minor characters in enstars. a majority of people who have rb'ed your callout are not big enstars bloggers. we are small time selfshippers just trying to have a fun time on tumblr dot com. the only one who is willfully taking themselves out of the fandom or even the circle of enstars selfshippers is you. you willfully create harmful content, you paint yourself as the victim, and you refuse to apologize for multiple things such as your racism and suicide baiting.

x

i am nice to others because they are not winding up their victim complex to make me look like the bad guy. again, if you have legitimate proof that we were once friends: look at your blocklist (or your server blocklist) and post my handle. i dare you. but then again, you probably couldn't do that considering you don't know what the username is. i think the funniest thing about it is that you can't even be bothered to post the server name, can't even bother to explain how we met (shocker considering i've only been into enstars actively for like barely a year now), it is you saying "well this is clearly my word against his" when you can't even provide the basic proof that you and i ever knew each other. you probably DON'T want me to post the ask where you said that you had finally found me and lamented that we could even be friends now if i would take back my words and be the bigger person. but then again, you kind of admitted that yourself when you said you didn't know who made the callout and even said it could be multiple people because you didn't know, but hey, let's take back that and spin it as a long rooted hate campaign by me. x

btw, when i first made this post, i held off on posting it because i haven't received nonanon asks for this, so i was able to chalk it up to you just trying to send more anons toward me to get me painted as the villain, but since this morning i woke up to you making a callout post about me that was filled with lies and fake screenshots it's about time i speak up. you may have deleted it, but don't worry, i made sure to screenshot everything you said and put it in an imgur album to refresh your memory. right here, don't worry, i took every screenshot word for word so you can remember what you said.

i'm not going to post every single screenshot to this. i think it would be insane behavior to make this post even longer. so let me just some up my feelings:

in your fake screenshots not only did you try to blur out what my name was (probably because these are not actually talking about me, but hey, you thought you could make it work, right?) but you proceed to, once again, continuously use the wrong pronouns for me, which is kind of weird since you're claiming to have known me for a year.

let me reiterate this so you get it through you thick skull: i use he/it pronouns and have been doing so for years now. your callout and screenshots repeatedly uses the wrong pronouns for me. do not even bother claiming you didn't know or that i recently changed them as my past blog and every single friend i'm close with will testify to my pronouns, and i'm absolutely sick of you misgendering and degendering me and my identity. considering you've been sending me several asks you could have easily looked and my pronouns in both my description and pinned, but hey, that's another lie for you, right?

then you post a screenshot of a server main chat, but it's very convenient of you to 1.) not get the server name and 2.) leave out the date you sent it, yknow, the things that you could at least say we shared together. i wonder why you didn't bother to get that information if it was so important. oh wait, i do! it's because you are deliberately lying about me to paint yourself as the victim.

i'm not going to even dissect the lies you weave together because, once again, you are speaking without proof. this is not a case of "my words against his" you are deliberately spreading lies on the grounds that you think no one will fact check you, you tool. again, if i was such a danger to you that i would deliberately make several accounts to surpass your "ban", why would you not post my discord username or the "alt accounts" i made to protect others for safety? why don't you do so now? oh! it's because you don't know them and are lying through your teeth.

i did not send you an ask where i told you that you needed to change your goretober list to get rid of the necrophilia. if i did, how about you post it with my url and call me wrong. not to mention the biggest thing i called you out on was the fact that you were glorifying and romanticizing abuse with drugged torture, kidnapping, and stalking. but sure let's gloss over that part because that would make you look bad!

there is nothing out of context in what you said or did, it is in plain english, several screenshots where you demonized a selfshipper of color because "they were more popular than you", pulled several excuses out of your ass to ship with a 16 year old, and put suicide baits in the main enstars tags, oh but don't worry! in your eyes the enstars fandom deserved it! and you want to paint yourself as innocent? give me a fucking break.

and the absolute gall of you to proclaim you acted like this because of your bpd, which you're still rb'ing sad bpd posts now. the nerve of you to assume i am not neurotypical when i have been struggling with autism and adhd all my life, and my own bpd for the past 14 years since i was diagnosed. it is not an act of ableism to call you out on your disgusting behavior towards people of color and abuse victims. i don't care about your backstory. you know exactly what you are doing and say that you are "exploring dark themes". no one believes you, and no one ever will. and miss me with that "i didn't know the shipper's race" as if you did not see the commissions you were directly complaining about them that shows them as not white very obviously. but hey, what's one more lie for you?

just so you know: every single ask you have sent me i have kept. from where you pretended to be 10 different people, all from your original ask where you think we should "just talk it out" without you taking any accountability, thanking me for the callout, pretending to be anons sticking up for you, and even threatening me with fake evidence that i have been in enstars servers sending death threats. but hey, since i didn't respond to those so you could have ammunition as so you could say i'm stalking you and villainizing you, i guess the next step would be a callout!

i will never be as obsessed with you as you are with me. you are the stupidest person on this planet if you genuinely thought i would not catch wind of what you were doing, from sending me and my friends and mutuals several asks to deliberately lying about me on your own blog. you have sent me over 50 asks in 24 hours, spamming my inbox with anons, but you couldn't even bother changing your typing style. you can't be bothered to tell people to watch out for this discord user because, again, you don't even know who i am. you can spin a web of lies to cover your ass, but barely anyone sees through it, and no amount of anons you send yourself will never convince anyone, especially strangers who has seen your blog. i do not care about how you no longer can look forward to your sick goretober where you glorify the abuse that real people go through. i am a grown adult with a job, school life, friends, pets, and so much more. maybe you could be the same if you shaped up and stopped being on tumblr. touch some grass for once. no one will believe you. i will not delete your callout. you have deliberately done horrible acts and acted like you were being demonized because "the enstars fandom and selfshippers are mean and cliquey", as if people don't see right through what you post without care and how you act. either apologize for what you have willfully done or log off and deactivate. i don't care which. leave me alone, leave my friends and mutuals alone, and grow up.

btw, i figured i would also throw this in the enstars tags so people would know about your horrible act and how you have treated me and demonized me for the past two days for standing up for my friends and the people you've hurt. here's the original callout btw, just in case anyone's new here! i don't care how badly you say this affects you because, again the only person trying to demonize you is you yourself. you lie about every aspect to save your ass and i will not take it. i mean, you tagged my "callout" with enstars tags (despite the fact that i never interact with the enstars fandom and have been talking about brc for the past month) but hey! if you wanna act like a clown i'll treat you like one.

you are an absolute moron if you think 1.) anyone would believe you considering your past behavior and 2.) thought i would just lay over and start crytyping for an apology. you are 20 years old acting like a spoiled toddler who got punished for throwing toys at others. i have more resolve, a backbone, and friends that will always care for me and support me, sorry if you can't relate. fuck you

[solomons-poison]

can you do solomon x reader from the prompt 27?

First Time with Solomon

A/N: I sure can, anon! Since it's not specified in the prompt list, this'll be written as Solomon and reader's first time together, rather than just one or the other's. But if you'd prefer that, I can also write that too. But I just love the thought of, no matter how experienced either one is, the first time together feeling like a whole new experience. I also definitely didn't forget this in my drafts....

Featuring: GN reader || Solomon x reader

Warnings: NSFW of course, minors and ageless blogs DNI; bottom!reader, soft Solomon supremacy 💜

══════════════════

The first time with Solomon is nerve-wracking, for both of you. Despite his usual confidence in most situations, you always seem to have the ability of catching him off-guard and making him feel young and almost inexperienced, regardless of how seasoned either of you are.

That's why, when you two do decide to take things to the next level and sleep together, Solomon can't believe how nervous he is. But its exactly that nervousness that shows you he cares and wants to make sure you want this as much as he does.

He's a very caring partner, whether or not you're romantically together doesn't matter; even if you'd just decided on a friends-with-benefits type situation, he still prioritizes your comfort and wants to make sure you want this.

He's not typically one for quickies, he's instead very thorough with you, mapping out all your sensitive spots and exploring you, to see what reaction you make when he makes a move. Squeezing your waist, gripping your hips and thighs, running his hand along the curve of your ass and across your bare shoulders.

He'll make use of his mouth as well, if you want, using his lips and tip of his tongue to trace along the shapes of your body, kitten licking the tip of your arousal and sucking lightly at your nipples, leaving hickeys on the side of your neck. He knows his erogenous zones well, he's had quite a lot of time to study them, so you're in for a full experience.

If there's anything in particular you want to try out, he's very receptive to it. As mentioned in a prior post, Solomon is open to experimentation; he's willing to try most things once, and as long as you're willing to try it too, he will do his utmost to make sure you feel comfortable and safe while doing it.

And once he's sunk into you the first time, he's a lost man. Perhaps it's because of your close relationship through the magic arts, or simply excellent chemistry, but everything about you makes him practically drunk and he just can't get enough of you. If this was intended as a one-time deal, he may have a hard time staying away. All in all, the first time with this wizard is a magical experience, pun intended.