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lil-melody-moon · 30 days

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I think I said I'll give my thoughts about Keith's biography when I'm done with it and I'm almost done. Only afterthoughts left to read, but I've read all about his life and it was devastating to see how much of a wreck he was at the very end. Longer talks under the cut - and additionally, if the anon bitch is scouting my blog, feel free to read it as well and shit yourself in the process

Either way, my dears, read if you're interested 💜

@jimmysdragonsuit13 I think you'll be interested!

And @burn-on-the-flame I think you've asked about the opinion on the biography? Wait, let me search *a few seconds later* Yep, it was you! Come and read my thoughts about the book, if you want 💜

So, since the day one of my dear mutuals @m-faithfull told me about Keith's biography by Tony Fletcher in the last year, I was persistent to get it. I had hopes that maybe it was translated to Polish, but as it turns out, probably only Pete's autobiography was so I ended facing the fact that I will have to read it in English. And that meant paying an insane amount of money for a new copy (120 zloties for a book! - around 31,39$ or 23,75£)

But one day I thought to search for an used copy, hoping that maybe some poor sod bought it before me and to my surprise there were two copies, one for 40 zloties (10,46$ or 7,92£) and second for 30 zloties (7,85$ or 5,94£). I opted for the 40 zloties one, knowing what state can used copies of books be. The lower the price the more possibility of it having missing pages, the cover torn off etc etc. Here came my bestie @juliearchery107 who wanted to buy me it for birthday, she did, we've met at 14th of August and since I've stepped my foot in the flat and got everything answered, started to read it.

And oh dear Lord is that book a rollercoaster!

It starts innocently - if we skip the foreword, which hints that it'll not be an easy read - introducing Keith as the charming child who was up for jokes, the one who later stopped attending school and wandered about until he got his first drum kit, had a few lessons on how to play them, joined Beachcombers and from there went to The Who to the band that meant everything for him, to then find the girl he fell for like you do when you first fall in love while finding your soulmate, following with showing a possessive and nasty jealousy towards her, fucking things up in their marriage, becoming so abusive that she finally left him, which lead to depression, more alcohol, more drugs, which then started to develop in very serious problems, them piling up in Los Angeles to the level of Keith becoming a wreck by the end in 1978, in the meantime, finding support in his girlfriend - who I have to say, I'm thankful that she was there for him even if I know how impossibly difficult it was for her.

The way things went down in his life can be traced precisely with this book and that just shows how incredibly well put it is and how the narration is not in any way subjective, but objective almost through the entire reading - foreword has author's thoughts and the afterthoughts, but that is a given. Yet, I have to praise such objectivity, because a lot of biography authors cannot help themselves but write their subjective opinions, pushing their perspective onto readers, instead of showing facts and trying to find one possible outcome of a situation that has various versions - and with Keith and the myths that are told about him, it was a hell of a work. It also shows sometimes that author is sentimental to a lot of things, as being stated in foreword that he himself is a fan of Keith and let's be honest. There's no one better to write a book about an idol then a long time fan who's dedication will never burn out.

As for my thoughts... The first 300+ pages were okay to read. I had a blast, laughing at various points, even going as far to share one of the moments that was the most funny to me on his birthday. But the last 200+ pages? Oh dear Lord... Just oh dear Lord.

Just by the photos I have a TON of I could realise that Keith was a wreck in 1978, but I've never fucking expected it to be this bad. I knew about the drug abuse, knew about the alcohol abuse as well, but I didn't expect it to be that bad - to the point of having a few attempts on rehab, failing at them, proceeding to have alcoholic paranoia, fucking seizures because of the withdrawal, insecurities, self-confidence, self-worth teared to shreds, memory almost gone - it's very typical for alcoholic to say one thing and then forget about it 5 seconds later and them saying: "I didn't say that" - depression, maniacal depression even appearing later on, developing a split personality disorder, being unable to be controlled by anyone while the fits of anger were appearing more and more frequently, cheating getting out of hand and I could go on and on AND ON.

Reading about all of this and not being able to tell you, or even not being able to take pictures of fragments to send to bestie to let her see how bad it was because I would have to scan those 200+ pages to let her understand the circumstances should say a lot. Never did I like any mentions of Keith relocating to Los Angeles and for a good reason. That city only made it far worse for him and his tale there only shows that maybe, just maybe, letting your dreams come true ain't that fun as you expect them to be. Some might be, but in most cases, they aren't. You always gotta keep going, always have a goal in front of you to keep going and if you reach the end of the road - like Keith did many times throughout the tale - you might just realise "That's it? Nothing else?" and not know what to do with yourself.

Additionally, this was double hard for me to read, because at the beginning of March I've lost a dear friend of mine. It was a tumblr friendship, I'm talking about Anja here - she went by the url whothefuckisanja - and I often joked with her that her alcohol problem - it was severe, very very severe - is similar to Keith's and as it turns out, my jokes about that were brutally real. She also developed drug addiction later on as well and her life started to fade away slowly, very slowly. I only recently, a few months ago, realised that I saw her happiness fade away, realising also that that one day where she thanked me for being her best friend the entire year - our friendship lasted a full year - being grateful as to no one else before that that was her silent goodbye and a solid thank you, before she met the same fate as Keith, only much much earlier. And I'm not exaggerating about "the same fate". She wanted to go sober, as I heard. Pills did it for her, she fell asleep and never woke up again.

She once said to me, because I was there, wanting to help her with her growing alcohol problem that got worse at December, even if it were only futile tries through text: "Don't try to help an alcoholic" and I might add to it "because it'll leave you exhausted and terrified while you see the beloved one become a wreck."

I can say that what I've read about Keith I've almost experienced with her. She was very similar to him in many ways, not only addiction wise, but she was also very fun to be around, very easy to be befriended, generous beyond belief, creative and most of all, a good person at heart. So this reading journey was almost like a reflection of the year from March 2023 to March 2024. I remember now that she once joked that she's Keith Moon reborn and damn you, you bastard if you were right.

But I also have to get back on track and say this: even if I said all of this above, I somehow felt that it was way to familiar. Not like with what I said about Anja, but more like "I lived through that" kind of way. I didn't feel this throughout the entire tale, but at the last 200+ pages I did, especially when the seizures started appearing. In the last year, when I wrote my first fic with me and him - not published - I pondered if he had any alcohol withdrawal symptoms and I somehow guessed the depression, insecurities, insomnia problem and seizures. I have no idea how I knew that, I just did, implementing them in the fic.

Could be a coincidence, but there are too many with him in my life. Yet, there was a moment where I've stopped reading. It was right at the end, at the description of the funeral, at the date of it, which is 13th of September, according to the book.

A year ago, on September, while listening to random songs on spotify, suddenly "Love ain't for keeping" started playing. I looked at who it was, saw The Who and I was tempted to give "Who's next" album a listen - I was taking small steps to giving them a good listen from May, but this was the final push. That was on 11th of September.

I wanted to listen to "Who's next" on 12th of September, but I somehow hadn't. I could have been busy, but I know for sure I somehow forgot about it and moved listening to the next day. On night from 12th of September to 13th of September I had a dream with Keith, from which I only remember that we've talked about something. Keith was very happy, overjoyed even and all of a sudden he started pinching my cheeks, wanting to make me laugh, which he succeeded at.

And then on 13th of September I've finally listened to "Who's next", my obsession truly started and then a voice in my head saying "Welcome home" was heard by me. It was a male's voice, speaking fluent English.

True, I was waiting for a moment that will make me stop in my tracks and like during the documentary I've watched about Keith, where I've got a grasp of his behaviour, I had to pause the video with the realisation that his behaviour was something I knew somehow, but I didn't expect to get obsessed about The Who and Keith at the exact date his funeral took place.

You may call me delusional, I don't care. It's just there's too many coincidences with him appearing in my life at certain moments that I start believing these are not mere coincidences - if certain ghost will start appearing at the beginning of September, as I took notice he did for the past two years, I will flip!

In conclusion, I love the book, will read it to the end tomorrow probably. I've cried at the end, less than the first time I heard about Keith's death, but I did. This book only made me love him even more and I truly will never stop loving him.

This is the exact image of my feelings to him after reading about his life - I'm the tiny pumpkin, answering on the question:

Credits to the artist who made it, not mine, I cant't draw this well XD

#thank you for reading #I will go with this love to my grave I swear #talking corner

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eoieopda · 2 years

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the one with seokjin, soju, and all the stars in the sky

Requested by Anon: Kim Seokjin got really drunk on a members-night-out, so his fiancée has to pick his cute, clingy ass up. ft. late-night wake-ups, gn!reader, and a lot of feelings about science. A/N: I accidentally deleted the draft associated with this ask, so now it's a separate post. Sorry for the wait, anon!

When Seokjin left for the evening, he'd placed a kiss on your forehead and a new book in your hands.

The novel in question was some obscure, independently published thing Namjoon had recommended. You'd mentioned it to Seokjin in passing — weeks ago — but hadn't had the downtime to seek it out since. Even if you had somehow carved out a moment to scour the local bookshops, you wouldn't have had the spare hours to immerse yourself in it the way you'd want to.

Not enough to meaningfully discuss its themes with Namjoon, anyway.

But Seokjin was Seokjin. He'd made some secret, mental note about what you said; hunted down that old single-edition book; and come up with a reason to spend his Saturday night elsewhere. He and his friends would get dinner and drinks — you'd get an overdue bubble bath and the solitude necessary to study for your unofficial, impromptu, two-member book club.

And that's precisely how you'd spent your night before tucking yourself into bed at the beautifully reasonable hour of half-past nine.

When your phone went off four hours later, you thought you were dreaming. You squinted at the screen for so long, trying to wrap your brain around the contact information blaring into your bleary eyes, that you almost failed to answer.

"Namjoon?" You croaked, throwing an arm over your eyes to hide from the offensive lamp light beaming off your bedside table. "I'm gonna need, like, a liter of coffee before I can wax poetic about the —"

"Hey, noona, it's Namjoon-ah!" He cut you off before you could finish. If the delayed, rhyming introduction didn't tip you off, the snorting, self-inflicted laughter would have.

Kim Namjoon, the designated dad of the friend group, was irrefutably ripped, zipped, and zooted.

You scrubbed your hand over your face in a futile attempt to stop your forming grin in its tracks. "Your picture popping up on my phone told me as much," You chuckled through your exhaustion, "To what do I owe the pleasure of this wake-up call?"

You heard him shout geonbae and gulp down some sort of shot before he provided you with an answer.

"Sojin has entered the chat," He announced with an absurd, deepened voice. Immediately, he cackled, "Get it? It's a portmanteau of soju and Seokjin, who is shitfaced — anyways, can you come get your man?"

It took you five minutes to throw on clothes and shuffle out the door to your car. The drive to the bar took only slightly longer, though it was the traffic lights and not the distance that slowed you down.

Unfortunately, twenty years came and went while you tackled the dreaded, subsequent task: parallel fucking parking.

The stress of it all nearly had you sweating by the time you entered the bar — you'd be hearing all that judgmental honking in your sleep, once you got back to it — but it all evaporated the second you saw Seokjin.

Off in the far corner, he sat on the outer half of a bench. Trapped inside that booth, visibly waiting for the sweet release of death, was Min Yoongi. You couldn't make out the details of that predominantly one-sided conversation, but you could tell by Seokjin's wild gesticulating and pink-tipped ears that he was ranting about something.

Bits and pieces fell into place as you made your away over, but no part of the overheard conversation made much sense to you.

Seokjin hiccupped, "I've said it once and I'll s-say it again —"

"— Hyung, I guarantee you've said it way more than once —" Yoongi attempted to interject, but he was quickly silenced by more of Seokjin's animated hand-waving.

"— Magic. It's magic, Yoongi. I'm tell — I'm telling you, man. There's just — hic — Science is stupid. I don't care about it, you know? And do you want — you wanna know why, Yoongi? Well, I'll t-tell you why —"

As he blinked emphatically at Yoongi, Seokjin must've somehow sensed you across the bar. He stopped dead in the middle of his unsolicited dissertation, wide-eyed with his jaw dropped, and gasped, "Baby!"

Before you could physically brace yourself for impact, he'd launched his clumsy frame out of his seat and collected you in his arms. Within seconds, without time to blink, his warm cheek was smushed against yours. Plush lips fluttered near your ear as he mumbled, "I missed you."

Of course, it'd only been a few hours since he last saw you, but he held you like you'd just returned from years at sea. Breathing deeply and contentedly, likely taking in the scent of your shampoo. Gently clutching the fabric of your jacket in his hands as if you'd float away otherwise. You had no desire whatsoever to burst that perfect, loving bubble, so you simply squeezed him tighter and told him that you'd missed him more.

Over his shoulder, you saw relief wash over Yoongi's face. No longer held hostage, he scooted himself out of the booth and immediately twisted in place to crack his back.

How long had he been stuck in there?

"Thank fuck," Yoongi sighed as he proceeded to crack his neck. He rolled his shoulders while answered the question you were about to ask, "Twenty entire minutes. Barely paused long enough to breathe, so I thought, shit — what if he dies here? I was scared I'd have to spend the rest of my days in this booth."

Seokjin, who still hadn't untangled himself from you, simply giggled. With his cheek remaining flush to yours, you could feel him grinning. He offered nothing whatsoever in his own defense, so Yoongi waved at you and turned to head off towards the restrooms.

You called out after him, prompting him to turn around. "What's so stupid about science?"

Yoongi's mouth stretched into a straight line across the entire bottom half of his face; his eyes narrowed to match. He heaved yet another sigh, gestured languidly to the half-cut fiancée clinging to you like a vest, and smirked, "He's convinced you hung the stars in the sky."

You would've melted into a puddle on the spot, but then Seokjin piped up and promptly shot your unsuspecting, lovestruck heart over the moon instead.

Abruptly changing the subject, he whispered — suddenly serious, as if it was the most important question in the world:

"Did you like the book, baby?"

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captain-mj · 1 year

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Hey, I commented on your fic but I just wanted to let you know that lemonwrap on AO3 wrote a fic that was pretty similar to yours, like point by point. When I looked through their account, it looked like they'd written another fic almost exactly like another of yours... A little death, I think. I just wanted to make sure that you were aware of it

Sorry this took me a couple days to answer!

I am aware of it, yes. They came to me and asked me if they could and I said I was uncomfortable with it both for myself and because of the anon who asked for it.

They went and asked the anon, who apparently commented on the oneshot, if they could. When they said yes, they came back and asked me, again.

I once again said I would rather they not.

I saw the day they uploaded it, but I wasn't sure how I wanted to handle it, yet. I wasn't even sure if I could handle it.

I am incredibly upset by this, for reasons I will state below.

I have read (I believe it was your comments) on their fic, and you are correct.

My wife, Bunnie, has an entire shifterverse. Shifter content exists on a multitude of scales and I do not need anyone to ask me permission for use of shifter content. However, they came and asked me first, said it would be fine if I said no, and when I said no, they wrote it, anyway.

It is also the same exact concept. It is about a wolf shifter, Ghost, in a fighting ring that Soap rescues. They even use the same plot point of Ghost refusing to shift back. There is also a few lines that are, while not being completely verbatim, just rewords of my own lines.

And, if they had never asked for permission and just did it anyway, it wouldn't really be the same level of a big deal. Yes, it would have sucked, but I honestly would have just let it go because, at the end of the day, it's fanfiction. Inspiration is the whole point of fanfiction.

However, the fact that they came and asked me first, then when I said no, I wasn't comfortable, they didn't take it as a full stop and instead went and asked the anon and then asked me AGAIN and when I AGAIN said I was not comfortable with it, they ignored me, wrote, published it, and if I remember from their A/N correctly, they lied about where they got the idea from.

I might be fuzzy on that one, I will admit.

I don't know if their fic is similar enough to A Little Death to really be concerned about it. There are also plenty of fics that are similar in concept, enough, for me to be willing to take that at face value.

Bunnie has a saying that goes; Once is a Mistake, Twice is Coincidence, and Three Times is a Pattern. Since we're only on the second one, I'm going to take it as coincidence.

However, as such, this situation has left me with a deeply icky feeling, and I'm going to be taking a step back until I figure out if I want to keep doing request based writing.

(And, once again, this is not about them drawing inspiration from my writing. This is about them asking my permission, me stating I was uncomfortable, and them squashing that and doing it anyway. So do not try to twist it to be about the first issue when it is not.)

[This was ghost-written by @callsign-bunnie because she articulates better than I do.]

Aside: The only person I am upset with in this situation is lemonwrap. They are the one who pushed down my boundary. I am not upset at the anon who said it was okay, and I am not upset at any of the comments defending them.

#cap speaks #fenrir and tyr cod au

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copperbadge · 2 years

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I hope these questions aren’t offensive, you can just delete this ask if they are… Did it help you, mentally speaking, to be officially diagnosed as ADHD? Like, is it easier to know for a fact you’re neurodivergent and not just,,, weird? I’m pretty sure I’m autistic, and only undiagnosed because I’m a girl and I test well (my brother is autistic and has the same tendencies and reactions I do, but he got dx’d at 5), but on the other hand, what if I’m wrong? And I’m also a broke college student, so I’m kinda waffling on whether or not to actually pursue a doctor’s opinion, but I thought I’d ask your advice first, since you’re both a complete stranger and have gone through something similar

Anon, you sent this in SEPTEMBER, my apologies, it got pushed down a bit in my askbox.

The thing is...okay I'll talk about the psychological impact in a minute, but I also feel like it's the least relevant aspect, for me. Whatever a diagnosis did for my sense of self, what it also did was give me a document that impacts everything else in my life.

With a diagnosis I have access to medication that materially improves my condition (which is less the case with autism than with ADHD, admittedly). I have access, should I want it, to accommodations for my disability; those are imperfectly applied, you often have to fight hard to actually get them implemented, but especially as a student you would be given access to things like longer time periods for tests, study aids like audio recordings of your required reading, extra tutoring, pre-registration access to classes, etc. based on need.

This bleeds over into the mental health aspect a little, but I am also more confident in my research on ADHD because I have a medical doctor's opinion that yes I do indeed have it (and evidence of that from the efficacy of the medication).

In terms of whether it helped me mentally/emotionally...research is ongoing, I suppose. It didn't emotionally devastate me the way it did my mother, when she was diagnosed late with learning disabilities, but she came from a different generation and didn't grow up with a sibling who was diagnosed young, so she had different issues than I do. There is some bitterness about my late diagnosis, but that's situational, and I'm old enough to know how to work through/past it. I suppose it gives me more confidence in asking for informal accommodations -- recently at a party I asked someone if we could move rooms because I couldn't process what they were saying over the two conversations happening behind me -- but I was already pretty good at that. I'm having to re-examine some basic beliefs I held about who I am, but that's not a bad thing, just unpleasant to be in the middle of.

So now to the heart of it: "What if I'm wrong?"

First, almost nobody who self-diagnoses is whole-cloth wrong when it comes to neurodivergence. They might have the wrong diagnosis, or might not fully understand what's going on, but when that "Oh, I'm different" light flicks on, it's usually for a reason.

Second, okay, what if you are wrong? It's okay if you're just weird. You won't be punished for being Neurotypical-But-Weird any more than society was already punishing you, so you risk nothing in getting tested in that sense. You don't lose any ground, and you gain some self-knowledge. Might not be the self-knowledge you wanted, but it's not going to kill you.

True, there is the cost to consider, but as a student you should be able to go to the campus health center and at least get more advice on how testing would work, the costs etc. Your school's disability office, if they have one, may also have resources in that regard. It IS important to get adequately tested -- a lot of people miss a diagnosis because their evaluator's idea of testing was "asking combative questions and dismissing the answers" -- but more knowledge is always better than less.

The only downside to testing is that if you do get an official diagnosis, that can follow you for life -- earlier discussions I've had about this have brought up the fact that it can impact job placement, whether you're allowed to adopt or care for children, and other issues surrounding the way we punish people with disabilities for being disabled. A diagnosis of Autism can impact you legally. But I also think it's worth it to know and to have documentation that says you need accommodation.

I mean. This hasn't been the most fun process in the world, but I do think it's been one of the most important things I've done in my life. If you felt strongly about your self-diagnosis I'd say don't bother with the official, just live your life as if you had one, but it sounds like you have a lot of self-doubt -- so I'd work, as and how you're able, to lay that doubt to rest one way or another.

#sam has adhd

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so-long-soldier-writes · 8 months

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I have no irl friends or mutuals who are Kai Stans so I figured I’d send you an ask about it because you’re my fave Kai account. I just rewatched that episode after the merge where Kai tried to kill Liv with that candle and couldn’t bring himself to do it and I have never felt so emotionally conflicted in my life. Like on one hand, bad Kai don’t murder people. But on the other hand, he looked so genuinely upset to be wrestling with his conflicting emotions and I just wanted to hug him

Okay, first of all, I'm honored to be your fave. I feel like I say this a lot, but I'm absolutely melting!🩷Hearing that people enjoy the things I write always makes me smile, and I think about those kinds of comments on the daily. Second, I rarely answer asks this quickly; I usually write out a response over a few days and edit it over a few more, but this got me so freaking excited because I JUST watched that episode and had the same feelies you're describing. Third, I will gladly be a mutual with you, whether you want to stay on anon or not! (I am so shy and weird irl, but I love talking to people on here, especially fellow Kai stans!!) (I don't talk to anyone irl about Kai, not even my mom who's watching tvd, bc I just KNOW she's gonna be like... you like this guy? 🤨 and i'll be awkwardly trying to defend him like he's not the love of my life. also, i love my mom and we're super close, but every time she watches an episode, she needs to remind me how much she loves matt donovan 😵‍💫)

But back to the point, yes, I literally watched that same episode / scene last night! And ugh, it gives me so many different feelings, too.

We really got to see the internal struggle he was having in that moment. Earlier, he had mentioned he was writing to Jo, and that he was crying, but in this scene, we actually got to see the emotions he may have been feeling while writing it. He was already exhausted and overwhelmed from trying to astral project into 1994 to help Bonnie, which is another huge display of emotion, and now he's facing his innate need to protect himself verses a whole new slew of feelings he doesn't understand.

On top of that, I don't think he actually wanted any of his siblings dead. I think he was just so void of emotion from all his trauma and abuse that he came to believe the only way to survive was if they were to die. He is, and always will be a sociopath; there's no way to unwire his brain, but Luke's emotions gave him all these feelings he hasn't felt in decades. Part of not wanting to kill Liv was definitely Luke preventing him, but I think part of it, too, was his own feelings.

Just thinking about it… sociopathy develops around the ages of 14-16; Kai is technically 40 years old. He was completely isolated for so long, and then thrust into this loud, complicated, modern world that he doesn't understand. He still has to fight to survive; his family still hates him 18 years later. When he finally accomplishes his "task" - to survive, his family hates him even more, and, since survival equals the merge, he now has feelings to battle on top of all these other new struggles.

Then in that scene, he's trying to make up for the hurt he put his sister (Jo) through, and then Bonnie. He offers empathy to Jeremy, helping him reach Bonnie even after Liv stabs him. He's a bit puzzled on what he should feel for Liv. At the moment, she's just in his way of accomplishing these other "tasks," but Luke won't let him hurt her, and he's fighting with himself about it. And that's a lot. Luke is overwhelming him; his own emotions are overwhelming him.

He needs a hug. And a nap. Both. Personally, I wanted to jump through the screen and give him a hug, then let him fall asleep while I held him and promised to keep him safe.

He's just begging for some kind of security throughout the season. He looks to Bonnie and Damon for it, hoping the three of them can escape the prison world together; hoping he can trust them; that they won't leave him there any longer. He looks for it by merging, knowing if he wins, he secures his spot in the coven; he can't be killed. He tries to make amends with Damon, helping him find his mom, and Bonnie, trying to apologize. Even Jo; he feels sick and he goes to his sister, who's a doctor, because she knows her trade; she can help him; provide him with some clue of what's going on, because he doesn't understand. He doesn't want to be left behind on his own again. He wants someone to trust him, and trust that he's trying to be better. But that's exactly what happens when he's trapped in 1903, and then, of course, he snaps again, because he realizes no one is going to change their minds about him, and no one is going to offer the basic human needs he so desperately has wanted for decades.

If someone just gave him a freaking hug and a second chance, things would've went a lot differently for everyone involved.

It's their own fault, honestly, that the season ended the way it did, (speaking, of course, as if the writers were not writing, and that the characters chose the course of the story). Kai, I believe, is extremely intelligent, and knew exactly how to hurt every single person who directly or indirectly hurt him. He found a little bit of security in Lily Salvatore - all he really wanted - and with that little boost of confidence from the wrong person, was able to deliver absolute chaos and destruction where he deemed necessary.

But now, on a completely unrelated note, I also have three random things to say about this scene. Given the chance to talk about it, I feel I must. One, I find it absolutely hilarious how Kai and Liv throw silverware at each other almost every time they fight. The camera pans to a fork or a knife, and suddenly, it's in the other's neck. Makes me wonder how family dinners went in that household. 😅 Two, when he was pouring alcohol on her, all I could think was damn, he's just gonna set that whole mansion on fire and everyone in it. That huge, expensive, historic, mansion, just to burn one girl. Three, I also couldn't stop looking at that sadistic smile. How happy he seemed to get over the "prospect of getting to watch someone burn to death," right before he couldn't bring himself to do it. His dark eyes do something to me. And the fact that he was already covered in his own sweat and tears from, again, over-exhaustion, just had me watching with absolute heart eyes. Maybe I should go to therapy.

But yes, I feel the conflicting emotions. I really wanted him to not kill her, because I didn't want him to prove them all right. I really wanted him to be redeemed because he deserved it so much. But at the same time….. he just looked so hot doing it.

#asks #kai parker #the vampire diaries #me? going on a tangent? i'm so shocked #gjldnfdl i could talk about this boy FOREVER #loml <3

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aces-drew · 11 months

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Hi! I just wanted to drop in and say that I adore your two Nace fics so much to the point that I have probably reread them about 20 millions and if you ever want to write for them again I would be more than WILLING (and to tell my soul) to supply you with a slew of ideas because I have plenty <3 your writing is absolutely BEAUTIFUL!!!

hi anon, you have no idea how often i think of your ask and how much i've come back to it since you've written to me. i hope you're still around and still somewhat part of the nd fandom, and that the series finale was something you could enjoy and be satisfied w! truth be told i fell out of the fandom at the end of the third season, it was for a lot of reasons - personal and just the time passing, and with it also came half-baked word docs of nace fics i started but never really got around to finishing. and i never wanted to answer your high compliments with the answer of never considering to write for them again, and in all honesty i forgot my written drabbles in a folder on my laptop for the better part of the last two years. but i went through it on a whim today and actually found something i think is worth sharing, and since your message has stayed with me, i'm going to post it for you and you only, as both a thank you and im sorry i couldnt really give you more. writing for nace was one of my greatest joys in a truthfully very difficult time in my life, and im so glad it was as special for you as it was for me! so here's almost 5k of nace being in their pre-relationship, best friends in tension phase dated to the 21st of dec 2021 - it's certainly not my best work and may seem a bit half-baked, but there is so much love in it, and its happy and sad and hopeful all at once, and reading it again with fresher eyes, it would've been a shame for it to rot in my gdrive with no audience, so yeah thank you for reading this my dear anon. i hope you like it, take care!!

***

Ace let out a soft mumble of a curse under his breath.

‘Florence, this is not the time girl.’

The exasperation in his tone was refreshing to Nancy. Rarely was Ace ever off-centre; he was always the one who held down the fort, who grounded everyone, and especially her, to whatever it was they were working through at any given time. So the fact that car trouble was what got Ace ticking made her chuckle.

And among other things, she had to admit how adorable it was – his brows creased in annoyance, hands resting on his steering wheel, fingers drumming on the small surface in agitation. (Nancy tried to force herself to look away when her mind started to focus on how long and sturdy his fingers were in comparison to the lining of the steering wheel, ignoring the unnatural hike in her pulse).

Nancy observes his leg start to bounce restlessly in its place, his growing frustration rivalling Nancy’s ease. He looks at her through the rear-view mirror, sparkly blue eyes that seem to brace for her remark knowingly, ‘You’re not allowed to say I told you so.’

Nancy playfully clicks her tongue, ‘I told you so.’

He groans in response, but there’s only levity in his tone. When she looks at him amidst her unhelpful giggle, for the briefest of seconds, she sees a ghost of a smile on his lips.

‘Okay I’ve got Earnie on speed-dial, he should be here in like 45 minutes.’

He looks at her readily, waiting for her to take a jab at the fact that he’s on a first-name basis with the Horseshoe Bay’s finest mechanic and tower of cars, but she chooses not to indulge him.

With a small smile, she pulls out a pack of skittles and crinkles it open, offering him a hand-full of carelessly assorted yellow skittles in ceasefire. He looks at her in mocking question, ‘You think giving me my favourite colour of skittles is going to convince me into giving you a pass on the next 45 minutes where you tease me about this incessantly?’

Nancy smiles the brightest smile she can manage, teeth barred like a girl scout selling her cookies door to door, ‘Yep.’

He concedes, nonchalantly shaking his head and turning over the skittles from her hand to his, ‘You know me too well.’

(Nancy ignores the way he touches the pulse point on her wrist when he transfers the candy onto his own hand, how his fingers ever-so gently wrap around her entire wrist, electrifying the skin under his touch).

They sit there chewing in comfortable silence - on the candy as well as their thoughts; it had been a long day. They were heading back from another dead-end lead on de-tangling George’s soul from Odette’s, and though it had been a long shot, the sting of failure extinguishing the little hope that had slipped through to everyone in the group at the beginning of the day was subtly unrelenting. Nancy tried to keep the fear at bay, closing her eyes to refocus away from the painful pulses lightly throbbing at her temple. She couldn’t even think about reliving George’s death again, but the image of her bloodied body on the floor of the Claw re-emerges without permission, and along with it comes bile up Nancy’s throat.

In an attempt for comfort, she reminds herself of what George had to said to them when they regrouped at their cars to drive back to Horseshoe Bay, ‘I’m a fighter guys, and I live every day with intention, I’m happy and in love and I have no regrets. We’ll figure this out.’

She recalls George’s soft smile at Nick, her smirk at Bess when Addy asks for the two of them to carpool back alone together, her hugs for Nancy and Ace – she reminds herself how good it feels to relish in the warmth of her best friend. Taking a few deep breaths, Nancy wills for it to make her feel a bit better.

A gentle tap on her shoulder gets her to open her eyes again, and before she can turn to face Ace in question, she finds herself enamoured by the starry night sky looking down on her through the upper windshield. She wonders how she hadn’t yet noticed the glimmering specks of silver tattered against a canvas of cloudless navy blue, both beautifully and terrifyingly spanning the expanse of her entire eyeline, nestled between tall, dark oaks and pine trees on either side of the road they were currently grounded to.

‘You have to stop worrying about her, we’ll solve this too, we always do.’

That snaps her focus right back onto Ace, and she realises that despite the fairly long drive in darkness, the reason her attention had been obscured from the remarkable night sky was because it had been elsewhere, particularly on a concerning distraction that had been sat next to her this whole time.

She studies him, not rushing her response. She registers the way his lips have come into a fine line in resolve, starkly different to the smile lines that had lifted the plane of his cheeks just a few minutes ago, how the flecks of grey within his clear, sky-blue eyes zap like lightning, reflecting the twinkle of the stars above him – confident, persevering, determined. Her chest expands at how his expression still emanates warmth, a still of comfort when her mind is too convoluted to function, to find the gravity below her. Looking at him, she doesn’t necessarily blame herself for not noticing the night sky.

‘I hate that you can read me.’

She finds the grin in his eyes before his lips, ‘You have to stop being so predictable.’

She mock-scoffs at him, ‘Says the guy who knew his car was going to break down but was too stubborn to back down from subjecting it to a long road trip anyways.’

He takes his turn feigning hurt, ‘Touché.’ He chuckles, ‘Nancy – 1, Ace – 0.’

She sobers up at his still subtly insistent stare, he doesn’t want her to drop the subject just yet but he doesn’t ask again; his delicate push gets her primed enough to voice her thoughts, ‘I can’t watch her die again.’

She hates how her voice fails her, vulnerability and fear lulling her to a whisper, as if she’s afraid the universe will hear her. Ace responds with a shaky breath, returning to her gaze with the truths she’s been trying to convince herself with, ‘We’re trying our best. We’ll get there, and we’ll find what she needs.’

His eyes don’t waver from hers, ‘We can’t live in how her death is something we can’t avoid just yet, you heard what she said Nance, she’s living her best life day after day, and we owe it to her to do the same.’

He says his words with such conviction that Nancy lets out a breath she didn’t even know she was holding, (she tries not to melt at how his nickname for her drapes itself so softly on his tongue). ‘None of us will ever give up on her, on any of us.’

She lets out a small smile in understanding, a tear escaping to her cheek before she’s able to get a hold of her glossy eyes. For a spilt-second Nancy sees his fingers reach out for her, possibly to wipe the tear away, but he stops himself, and Nancy tries to ignore the way her stomach hollows out at his reluctance. Instead, he gives a genuine smile in return.

Before the slight awkwardness can stew between the two of them, Ace speaks up softly, clearing his throat, ‘Alright, come on.’

He gestures to the trunk of the car as he gets out of the driver’s seat, and open’s the passenger door for her to follow him; she wordlessly steps out despite her confusion. The cold wind hits her skin immediately, passing through the soft sleeves of her sweater as if they weren’t even there. She hugs herself, tracing her hands up and down her upper arms to create some insulation.

Ace opens up the trunk and unzips a large duffel bag, pulling out three blankets and two cushion pillows. Taking the especially woolly chocolate and cream checkered throw, he swings it over Nancy’s back and gently swaddles her, ‘Better?’

‘Better.’ She responds, warmth immediately encapsulating her. Before she can ask why they’re outside his car in uncomfortably cold weather, he explains, ‘The stars are out tonight,’ he says looking up, ‘I thought we could kill some time while we wait for Earnie, and a distraction wouldn’t hurt the both of us. Two birds, one stone.’

Nancy follows his eye-line and stares at the sky, ‘Definitely.’

Within five minutes, he lays out the largest blanket he has onto the hood of Florence and sets down the two pillows for them. Forgetting the added weight of the throw, she grabs his hand to get onto the surface, and predictably, loses balance almost immediately, tripping to fall face first right onto Ace’s chest.

Before Nancy settles into how mortifying it is, Ace’s arms instinctually wrap around her waist and secure them in place, his chest reverberating the chuckle he adds to the night air.

Her shoulders loosen, and Ace looks down at her with a smirk, a glint of mischief within those blue eyes Nancy adores, ‘Comfortable?’

‘Shut up.’ Nancy groans, and Ace readily manoeuvres her waist to help her rest next to him, the two of them fully laughing now. (She ignores the way his fingers come into contact with some bare skin on her hips when it happens, a result of her sweater hiking and the blanket falling on top of the both of them when she fell; she tries not to focus on the imperceptible movement of his thumbs against her exposed skin).

As they recover from their laughing fit and Nancy settles more comfortably onto her cushion, shoulder to shoulder with Ace, they both find themselves looking up at the incredible vastness above them. Away from the other’s gaze, and suddenly incredibly aware of how small they were in this expanse of time and space, Nancy feels almost blindingly comfortable with Ace, willing to tell him anything if he asked.

Ace seems to get the same idea, ‘Okay, game time. I give you a story and you give me one in return, could be prompted by a question if either of us have something specific to ask, but otherwise it’s free rein.’

Nancy considers the proposition – she supposes it is dangerous territory, and that she would be tiptoeing between everything she wants to disclose and keep hidden, especially because she was already so comfortable leaving her heart at her sleeve with Ace, but ultimately the urge to get to know Ace better wins her over.

‘Okay,’ she agrees, slightly hesitant, ‘But you start, since you clearly have something in mind.’

She sees him nod in her periphery.

‘My mom used to take me star-gazing to help with my anxiety,’ Ace says, his eyes focused on the sky. ‘I couldn’t sleep after what happened with my dad, and there were a good few weeks where he was comatose in the hospital, and I couldn’t get that image of him out of my head every time I closed my eyes.’

‘I stayed up for like four days straight after the accident, hopped up on energy drinks and just gaming or coding night after night, getting by on twenty minute naps that would just happen because my body was so exhausted,’ he sighs, seemingly disappointed in his younger self, ‘It wasn’t long before my mom noticed the bags under my eyes and asked me to explain myself - I just broke down, told her how his limp body was all I could see if I let my mind rest for even a second. That’s when she invested in Florence, a seemingly temporary rental at the time,’ he chuckles fondly, ‘and every night my dad stayed in the hospital after that, she took me up to the bluffs so that we could see the stars as clear as they were in Maine.’

She imagines a young Ace, so scared of his father not coming home that he wills himself to become his own problem, shielding himself the only way he knows how, and finding himself unwilling to depend on anyone, even as a child. Even though the irony of how similar they are is not lost on her, it hollows out Nancy’s chest.

She can’t also help but find small comfort in the karmic coincidence that the bluffs were somehow similarly significant in both their lives – a place rooted in contentment equally as much as trauma. Nancy wonders why fate sometimes writes in intricately entwining strings so cruel when it comes to her.

‘She pointed out all the constellations, and eventually I learnt them too, and her explaining everything would send me to sleep. It was a lot easier to close my eyes to the stars instead of a dark ceiling, and she always said ‘It’s okay to be afraid, but when you are, just look up, and you’ll be reminded of how vast and complicated this universe is. And if you can believe in that, you can believe that things will work out for the best’. And that hope? That hope has weirdly never really left me, no matter what’s happened since then.’ He finishes.

Nancy can tell that his voice is thicker, and she doesn’t push to ask him why he thought she should know something so intrinsic about him. She breathes it in nevertheless, savouring a piece of his past that has been delicately placed in her hands, an olive branch for her to know him better.

She decides to take him up on it and share something that’s been kept in the dustiest shelves of her own heart, ‘That day the Aglaeca came to claim us, I actually fell off the bluffs.’

Nancy feels him turn his face to her in surprise, the only thing she’d told them was that she’d almost tripped over - she’d never considered talking about the truth till now; she pushes on, talking at the stars, ‘I kept screaming for help, but obviously nobody came. I was meant to die there, just like my mother, and for a second, before my survival instinct kicked in, I almost let go… almost wanted to let go,’ she feels her voice wobble, unable to carry the weight of her words, ‘I felt my own weight on my fingers, felt them give, and I was so tired, so I almost let go… instead of choosing to try and climb up.’

She had never admitted that to anybody, least of all herself, but it felt liberating to do so, to be overwhelmed in how enormous all her trauma seemed at the time, ‘I think it’s because I’d felt helpless for a long time, I didn’t know how to be somebody that other people couldn’t depend on, and I couldn’t get the conversation, or fight, we all had out of my head,’ she adds quickly, with a hollow, humourless chuckle, ‘but I did, I did climb up, and when I looked over at the sea, sitting there, all alone, I wasn’t necessarily glad that I had. I still felt empty, even when I knew we survived.’

Verbalising the last admission felt like a tonne of bricks on her shoulders, but it all came out in a few short breaths – like domino after domino falling in a way she couldn’t really stop once it started. She’d felt so small in the face of everything she’d been through, and even though she knew that life is always the right choice, and she’s convicted of that that definitively now more than any other time in her life, it wasn’t something that came intuitively to her that day. Her introspection is cut short when she realises that Ace has fully turned to face her now, and she struggles finding the courage to look at him.

When she does, the pain in his glassy eyes knocks the wind out of her, ‘Nance, I-I-, shit. I’m so fucking sorry Nancy.’

His voice breaks, faltering as he sits upright with his apology. She follows, sitting up cross-legged next to him, ‘Hey, hey,’ she insists, resting her arm on his bicep, willing him to look at her, ‘I wasn’t done… You know what helped me through that? What made me realise that it had obviously been the right choice?’

Ace’s stormy blue eyes look back at her, and he seems to recognise her desperation for levity, ‘Therapy?’

They both chuckle, cutting through a little bit of the tension, ‘Yes, of course therapy,’ she agrees, ‘but unlike therapy, this isn’t something I’ve had since I was eight.’

She takes a deep breath, hoping her persistent eye contact conveys the principle she that she grounds herself to, ‘It was all of you. Seeing you that day when I walked into the Claw that night? With Bess, and Nick and George? With your relieved smiles, and hugs that were insistent on making sure I knew how glad you all were that I was alive? That’s what rushed all that relief into my body. For a spilt second, the Aglaeca highlighted all of my trauma so that I couldn’t see through to the love I was given, and yes, it didn’t help that we were our worst selves that day, fuelled by fear and regret, but when I’d gotten back into my car and drove back to the Claw, I knew. I-’ she drew another breath, trying to gain coherence; there was so much she had to say about that night, so much she’d packed away into a tiny little box in her mind, ‘when I walked in that night, I knew that I’d made the right call, that from then on, whatever near-death experience I was going to get catapulted into, I would always choose to stick around.’

She could feel her throat closing up a little, her voice thickening, ‘The love that I’ve gotten from all of you, and now even Ryan, has changed my life, and it has forever changed the trajectory of who I am, and I whoever I’ll be, and that’s something I’m only grateful for. I know I don’t tell you all that enough, but seriously, I am so, so grateful.’

The tears fall down Ace’s cheeks freely now, and in the vortex of them under a beautiful night sky with their hearts strung out in the open and them alone in between the woods, his reservations seem to lower just enough. His other hand comes over the hand of hers that’s still resting on his bicep, and he intertwines his fingers with hers, a soft whisper following, ‘Still, I’m sorry, what we said was really fucked up, there really isn’t an excuse for it. We all made the decisions that got us to being prophesied to die that night, and it wasn’t you. Nance, you didn’t bring us to our deaths like lambs to slaughter, it was on us, we chose to be there.’

It’s his turn to pierce right through to her heart through his gaze, conviction steady in his words, ‘You are not a cause, and you are not an omen. You are anything but that. And honestly Nancy, I don’t even fucking know what I’d do with myself if we lost you that night.’

Nancy feels relieved in a weird way, the vindication is anything but hollow and ingenuine, it feels good. She laughs lightly, trying to mask a little bit of the subtle discomfort she feels; she knows the sentiment would be undeniably the same the other way around (except Nancy knows that’s partly also because she can’t really comprehend the enormity of what Ace means to her, how he was somehow so much more than a friend), the heaviness in his tone makes the implications of the statement much more intimate that she’s ready to decrypt. ‘Well at least George wouldn’t have died.’

And there it comes, that exasperated ‘Nancy, using humour to cope with your trauma is not funny’ face comfortably settling on Ace’s expression before she’s even done with her sentence. She chooses to laugh it off again (and pretends not to notice how Ace’s fingers tighten around hers perceptibly more).

Neither of them lets go of the other’s hand, and Nancy eventually lays back down on her cushion, with Ace following suite, ‘Okay on a lighter note,’ she refreshes, ‘where do you see yourself in 10 years?’

He hums in thought, ‘Uh, I don’t really know, haven’t thought much about it really.’

There’s an awkward hitch to his voice, and Nancy knows he’s picked up on her picking up on it, and he concedes into a slightly more nuanced response, ‘I’d like to have the standard stuff y’know?’

She looks at him pointedly, ‘The standard stuff?’

He avoids her gaze, ‘Yeah, the standard stuff. I’d like to be in love, and if I’m lucky, possibly even married. And yeah, eventually something like two kids, a white picket fence, y’know, the whole thing.’

The response surprises Nancy for some reason; it’s such an open admission of domesticity, and she unintentionally pictures herself with him in his ideal.

‘You think it’s dumb.’

She’s frayed from her thoughts, and registers that she’d been quietly daydreaming for embarrassingly longer than acceptable, and that Ace perceived it as the opposite of what she was currently thinking.

‘What?’ Nancy tries to steady her heart beating frantically in her chest, the enormity of mapping her entire future with Ace now settling swiftly on her shoulders.

‘Oh my god, you totally think it’s dumb.’

Nancy tries to think through what feels like her brain is melting, ‘I do not think it’s stupid Ace, come on. It’s endearing!’

He looks at her unconvinced. She tries to centre herself, refocusing from the image of two toddlers with his wonderful hair and her fiery eyes, she looks up and away from him again, ‘I’ve always wanted at least two kids too, I never had any siblings, and I’ve always thought that companionship is really important when you’re young. A boy and a girl… would be nice to have someday.’

When she meets his gaze, there’s something indecipherable about them. She tries to not to let how intensely he’s looking at her waver her in staring back at him (but it’s hard, she feels her stomach jump to her throat).

The finally, he speaks, ‘At least two huh? Never pegged Nancy Drew for the big house, big family type.’

There’s a hint of an endearing tease that laces his tone, and she knows it’s meant to annoy her; she chooses instead to be honest, ‘Yeah, actually.’

A small smile of satisfaction finds her lips as Ace’s eyes widen for just a second, ‘You’re not the only one who wants the standard stuff y’know,’ she says, imitating the tone he’d used, ‘I would also really like to be in love, married even, and settle down. Maybe here, maybe somewhere else. Either way, I definitely do want a legacy. And what better legacy to leave than to love the people you love, maybe even slip into a life with that one special person I love and work to be with, and hopefully they’re a best friend and someone I completely depend on, and I’ll get to create a family with them someday.’

She places intentionality in her last sentence, letting Ace know that maybe this person she hopes to have all that with isn’t some far away concept, but the wonderful friend and companion she’s been able to completely trust and depend on these last few months. His eyes seem to darken as he processes her words, blue pushed to the edges of his irises; she gets the feeling that he might’ve picked up on the implication.

There was no doubt that they’d been recently tip-toeing around what their friendship was evolving into; between Nancy recovering from the Wraith, Ace getting kicked out and Amanda breaking up with him, they’d both changed into such different people in just a few weeks. They’d both seemed to realise that though their entire worlds had shifted axes, the two of them were the same – they were Nancy and Ace, detective and hacker, a mind racing a hundred miles per hour paired with a rational, calm decision maker, a comet free orbiting in space and the sun’s gravity that grounded it, two best friends. They were comfortable here, safe in the boundaries of their friendship that was a little more than friendship, in confessions through glances and grazes, where the fear of having to figure out how they fit with each other, who they were and what they wanted was too scary for them to consider. For now, the implication was enough.

‘Yeah,’ Ace seemed to agree, his voice a little dreamy, ‘someday.’

#nace #nancy drew cw #nancy drew x ace hardy #nancy drew #user:alexjatp #cwnd #nancy x ace #ace hardy

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sorcerous-caress · 5 months

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hope this isn't weird to ask but how long have you been writing and how old are you? did you ever take any courses related to writing or have you been improving through writing as a hobby?

Hey it's not weird at all, I'll happily answer!

I'm 20 years old, and I have been writing non-continuously since I was 12.

My first fic was written with colon punctuation for spoken dialogue instead of quotation marks bc I didn't know what those were at the time. For example:

Bob: nice weather we're having today (he said with a smile)

Bob2: I signed the divorce papers, they're on the counter. (Sighing at the other's stubbornness)

I posted it on wattpad.

Afterwards, I never wrote anything else, but I learned about Ao3 and kept enganging in fandom spaces. At 14, I joined roleplaying group chats, which made me think and write faster to keep the rp going. Eventually, it became one on one rp with another person where we would take our chat history log, freshen it up a bit, then post it as a fic.

By 16, I joined a fandom server with a semi serious writing subcategory in it. People more experienced and much older than me would beta for other's story. It's where I picked up the habit to write drafts in google docs so I can easily share the link for a beta reader to add suggestions to.

I still haven't written another fic by then, not by myself, at least. I got very insecure at the time about my writing and lack of knowledge. Mind you, I joined the server, not knowing what punctuation was. It took several beta readers adding punctuation for me until it finally clicked that I should use it.

It felt like I was an outcast in a way? Sure, everyone treated me just as nicely as others there, but I noticed the little things that added up over time. Like how no one would react or talk about the stories I post, but if someone else shares theirs, then the entire server gushes over it. Or how one time I reacted to my own story with an emoji, only for someone else to mention how it's me who clicked it and I shouldn't do that. It was a very unhealthy environment for a 16-year-old surrounded by 30-20 years old, but I stuck to it because I wanted to improve my writing.

Even if I was ignored, they'd still beta for me as a chance to offer "constructive criticism." Artists can be very petty when a low skilled person joins them.

My skills improved, and I posted my second fic! It was nothing remarkable, but it felt like the first stone into the stairway of improvement, yk? I loved that fic, it was my crowning jewel.

But as a result, I started to hate writing. It was a struggle, I'd spend hours on two sentences while others on the server were bragging about their 50k fics. I hated my own inability to perform better, to write better.

I got sick of reading my own writing from the number of times I'd rewrite it in an attempt to format it better. I couldn't even bare look at other's writing or read fanfics on AO3 because I'd always compare their writing to mine. Break their style down and analyse it in an attempt to spot what I'm doing wrong.

I left the server eventually, abruptly too. It was for the better.

I swore off of writing.

For two years, that was true. I gradually came to reading fanfics again, but just looking at a blank document was enough to get me nauses.

By 18, Aot happened, and the boom in x reader fanfics.

Everything I've written up to this point has been ships. Not once did I consider the idea of an x reader. For a while, I used to scoff at it and label it as cringe, as if the ship fanfics I was reading wasn't cringe either. Elitism, I tell you.

I saw these request blogs and how posting on tumblr seemed less intimidating than AO3. How intimate it felt to have an anon talk to you about your own fic that you wrote for them, to have people discussing your writing and stories with you! And they ask for more!

Sign me tf up.

I started my first writing blog, and I didn't know shit. I learned as I went. The new formatting, the tumblr tag system, creating a masterlist.

How important presentation is in here.

In AO3, your fic has the same chance of being read as any other one. Only your description is there to judge it by. But on tumblr? The shiny bookcover was almost as important as the material inside. In here, you have to market your own fic, present it with a lovely bow on top, add a pretty eyecatching header, and all the right trending tags.

Luckily, it clicked easy for me. I used free domian paintings from past centuries to make my covers, and they stood out amongst the anime cover galore. It was a little pretentious, I admit, but I also was a little pretentious, so it's alright.

I played my cards right, answered requests enthusiastically, and delivered fics at a fast rate. Paid attention to what styles worked best and what genres attracted more attention. At that point, it was a numbers game for me. Play marketing right, and you'll win at capitalism.

It felt very degrading and dirty.

My personal style fazed out, and my fics had a sanitised safe for mass consume feel to it. It was written to appeal to you rather than written out of any real love or passion.

It was soulless garbage.

Not to mention at the time I still used the same unhealthy and needlessly convoluted writing method I learned from that server. Yes I cut ties with them but I still didn't have any other alternative writing method to use.

What's that? Just write however I want? Are you crazy? What like my 12y old self wrote on wattpad? My 18y old self would rather die than actually be true to themselves.

I was extremely insecure and afraid of being labelled as "cringe" I completely ereased any stray stains of personality that managed to trickle their way down into my writing. Not once did I write for myself during that time, and not once did I actually enjoy a single piece I made.

I hated all of them, I couldn't bear to even read the fics I wrote. But I still made more and more to appease the requesters, still forced myself to sit and write each morning for hours on end.

A tight timeline, an exhausting production and no friends or hobbies to fall back into and relax. It was a fucking nightmare.

What ircked me the most was how people would just keep requesting more without a thank you or even a fuck you afterwards. It's like it's a fast food drive-through and I should be grateful for any attention I get.

But I never said a word. I never complained because complaining drives away people and engagement. No, I needed to keep my happy chill imagine and never show any emotion or talk about my struggles in real life or writing.

Instead of realising I hated my writing because of its lack of essence and soul, I convinced myself instead that it's because my skill level is still too low.

So I searched online. I found writing courses I couldn't afford, and neither could I ask my family for money for anything at the time because of personal reasons.

So I put on my pirate hat.

Apparently, people don't bother uploading the scam writing tips courses to pirate websites. That's fair.

Instead, I pirated books from famous authors talking about writing. Read them and tried to apply their methods, ignored my own preferences, and wrote to fit their subjective standards of what good writing is.

I signed up for free trials courses that didn't require a credit card and copied every single file into my hard drive before the trail ended.

I had so much material to study. I watched youtube videos about writing. I really really tried everything I could.

But I still loathed every fucking word I put down on these pages.

And I hated how a general advice in writing was to "follow your heart" what is that supposed to mean? I can't do that. Others do not like my heart, It has been proven many times before so how about you just give me some useful advice instead you useless wrinkled piece of shit book?

...

You can't force or fake creativity.

You can fake an elegant writing style, you can copy interesting lines from famous books and apply them to your own writing, you can include every trendy word in all the right places.

But you can't fake creativity.

I wished I was 12 again. Writing fics on wattpad, where my style was worse than garbage, and yet I loved it. People loved it.

Because it was garbage with a soul, a garbage that had empty chocolate milk bottles and spilt sprinkles. A garbage that showed personality and where my priorities were. With kids' fingerprints in colourful paint and a toddler's fridge artpiece.

A garbage that mirrored my love for the art.

And I ruined it. I traded it all for stupid punctuation that I didn't even care for.

I was happy.

Like every other probome in my life, I ran away.

I hit my breaking point. The requests were never ending, the studying and writing books were getting more and more pretentious and contradicting themselves. I barely had time to eat, I don't talk to people or go outside.

I do not have the time for anything, I missed having friends.

I left the blog. I stopped writing, it was too anxiety inducing.

I got into videogames again, I enjoyed the text heavy ones. I chose to ignore what that implied.

They were so...beautiful.

And fun!

I made some friends, I was happy for a while.

Then, one of my favourite characters in my video game mentioned missing their parents, how hard the funeral was.

It hit home.

I'm not writing, I convinced myself with a lie, I'm just gonna put down my thoughts on them...in a google document.

See just around 1k words, easy peasy. I AM NOT WRITING. It doesn't count.

But I did write it. Not with any calculated formula or method. I wrote my thoughts like how I hear them in my head and what I felt, what I imagined the character would feel.

Then, I added some dialogue, trimmed the corners, and sprinkled in euphemism.

It was simple and bare, vulnerable.

I posted it. It never got much traction.

But I was happy, I liked it, even loved it and kept rereading it.

I was 19.

I nervously showed it to my friend. They mentioned how much they can't stand reading books or fics because the words overwhelm them courtesy of their ADHD.

But they managed to read mine. Very smoothly.

Because my style, my own personal style that is set to my preference, makes me write in small paragraphs and straightforward. I never linger on details or focus on one thing for too long, I always give breaks and seperate events from each other.

And it clicked for this one person who struggled with reading, a style that will get criticism in any serious writing circle for being too simple or childish.

They liked it.

I hate needless convolution.

I just turned 20 years old, I asked for Baldur's Gate 3 early access as my birthday gift.

I received it, I played it.

I fell in love with its writing.

Then I made this blog, and I promised myself not to follow rabbits into any holes again. To reject the requests I don't want, to write because I love to, because I find it interesting or fun.

To never feel obligated to any thing or person. Only write if I want to, only post it if I want to. And if I don't want to? Then I simply won't.

And yes this blog gets much less attention than my first one but the people in here, the anons and my readers, they interact much more with me and my writing. It feels much better to have a handful of people genuinely excited and curious about your stories than a hundred people who would only leave likes and leave.

I have never touched a writing course or a helpful book since then. I block every writing tips blog, I see. I hate each and every single post about writing tricks and immediately skip past it.

I don't care if I improve anymore. I don't care if people don't read my stuff. I do not care if my style degenerates so much and reverts back to wattpad. All I care about is the fact I love writing and I enjoy it, I plan to keep it this way.

It's also funny that I'm writing in English since I when I first started writing at 12 it was in Arabic. My first fic? In Arabic.

And I was willing to go down that road yk. Keep true to my heritage and culture, write in my own beautiful language.

But. I wrote about queer topics and stories. Homophobia is still a massive thing in our society. My story was more infamous and taboo than famous and beloved.

I had so many people coming to my dms to "educate" me about religion and sin. How what I'm doing is wrong and the message I'm spreading is haram.

It was funny at first especially when it was the quran that made me want to write in the first place. Because it's actually a collection of poems! It just loses its rhythm when translated to English. It was so beautifully written, I'd listen to it always as a kid.

But then those dms became unbearable and I decided to learn english to join the western fandoms instead. A 12y old just deciding to fuck it and learn a whole new language to write gay fics.

A lot of my struggles in writing at 12-17 was because I was still learning English at the time.

This was fun. Thank you so much for asking this, anon! I had the chance to reminisce about the past.

I made so many mistakes. But I'd rather having made them and reached this point of content with myself than not having made them at all.

#♡other #♡writing

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away-ward · 1 year

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I'm another anon, but just wanna slide in the conversation with anon about your ask.

Idk why but since the first book until the last, i never saw ANY potential romantic interest between Damon and Will, like AT ALL, not even in Hideaway and Kill Switch. Especially not in Nightfall. Lets compare it with Kai, Banks and Rika to make it make sense. I think even Kai and Rika had more romantic potential than Damon and Will. At first, Kai was only around Rika, because she belongs to Michael, but then he came to like her around as a friend and found her sexually attractive, since Rika's mischievous personality reminded him of Banks (that he met years before Rika), or at least, to Kai, Rika was 10% of Banks, because apart from Kai feeling like he wants to protect her, and Rika loving to have fun in danger and doing taboo stuffs (which were something that he closetedly admitted he enjoyed doing), etc., Rika and Banks were still so different from the other. But still, Banks and Rika was the opposite of the other, and no woman in that town was interesting enough for Kai to chase, learn, spend on, be angry about, and savour every second of his precious time 100%, until Banks, not even Rika. Katsu even jabbed at Kai for being second because he thought Kai lose Rika to Michael, but Kai never felt a loss AT ALL, because Rika was not someone who he was interested to be in any further relationship about, but every single thing Banks did that did not give what Kai wants, he went crazy ballistic for her. His reaction to not having Banks was so different to not having Rika. Now lets compare this to Will and Damon who didn't even have any romantic interests towards each other, other than their three hookups (which they hookup a lot with others, and Damon would've hooked up with his other friends too if they let him) and their strong relationship with each other.

The fact that Damon was the closest to Will but in Will's life, he was still second to Emory after everything they've been through, was enough to answer this question. There was not even a little comtemplation about Damon and Emory's similarities in Will's mind like how Kai did with Banks and Rika, so I don't see any potential for romance between them at all. But shipping doesn't always have to be logical, as long as it "feels" great, it can happen, that's what side-pairing tags in the fandom spaces are made for.

Therefore, I think whatever "romantic potential" Damon and Will could have, were even lesser than Kai and Rika because Damon was everything that Emory was not, and Emory was THE best standard of everything in Will's life. Not even someone who was written to be a bit similar to her, like Damon (hurt-wise), Banks (personality-wise) or Alex (work ethic-wise) could ever be compared to Emory. Emory was THE only vice he couldn't get rid off. Will would only settle down with someone who makes him feel like a man, someone who lit up his passion and makes him do more and better. Damon was the opposite of that, and if they got together, Will would left feeling shitty his whole life, because that's just not someone he wants to be to himself, his parents, friends, family or to anyone. He grew up with an easy life, so for someone who already has everything in his life, only to end up with someone like Damon, a partner who just enables him in everything without giving him a reality check, he'll never grow up, and how much more boring can his life be? And there was NO boring second with Emory Scott. That's why Damon was jealous of Emory, because this is something he could never give to Will then, and definitely not even after they made up, Damon knew Will needed Em. No one else could replace her in his life. Even more so because there was no other person he was interested to be in a very serious and lifetime relationship and partnership with, except for Emory. Like Will put Emory on a Pedestal yall, (and so does Emory because he was the Only Man to make her love her life) and there really was no Other for him.

I believe this concept really applies to each DN character because as much as they are very similar to one another, there are needs and wants of theirs that they prioritise above others that they cannot get from their own friends. Be it because of different values and morality, different expectation in career choices, different enjoyment in life etc., so if these wants are not matched perfectly, they wouldn't of bat their eyelashes at others. They're the kind that go 100% for their partner. So, Damon and Will were only written to be just friends for a reason. If Damon and Will or anyone in DN had something that other characters see in them, worthy enough to be shipped with themselves rather than their current partners, the endgame wouldn't have been MichaelRika, KaiBanks, DamonWinter and WillEmory. They have different dynamics with different people too, like I see the chemistry between Damon and Emory, but does that make me see any potential romance between them? Not at all, because it's always gonna be Winter for Damon, and Will for Emory. However, fans shipping non-canon is not my business, i don't care because fans can do whatever they want, as long as they remain their views and shipping respectful towards their content creators and not cause any hate or unncessary trouble to others, especially in fan spaces.

So yeah, I think DN couples in general, no matter if each one of them have chemistry with others or not, and no matter how strong their chemistry are, non-canon pairings would still not work out because their needs and wants from their canon and current partners are not met or alligned. I feel like if people wanna ship Damon and Will, they can do whatever they want, but they have to make up something that's completely different and not canon about Damon and Will's wants in a partner, to back up their shipping to look like they're IC (in-characters) as much as possible, unless they want to make Damon and Will OOC (out of character). Writing someone else's character to be IC is pretty hard, but if they wanna use and flip something from canon and make something completely different and OOC about Damon and Will, that wouldn't be that hard, because fanfic writers do that all the time. Writers and shippers are usually just here for the vibes, not another canon-event, since this is a space for fans, not writers. So yeah, conclusion is, there are NO potential in canon by Penelope Douglas, but if anon wanted to do a 180 degrees about Damon & Will's characters, it might be possible, but then it will just water down hatever characterisations that Damon and Will have, it's like stanning completely different characters altogether.

Hope this helps. What do you and that anon think?

Posting this before my response so that if the original Anon, or anyone else, wanted to respond they had a chance. Scheduled to post in about two hours.

#asked and answered #devil's night series #damon torrance #will grayson iii #fandom shipping #asked and answered 82

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doevademe · 2 years

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dear lord 😭😭 is that aphrodite’s hobby? torturing bisexuals? because if so, i’d love to read more about nico’s maid outfit’s effects on percy. crossdresser nico would DEFINITELY do it for him 🔥

It's not a hobby anon, it's a job. One she very much enjoys doing, but still. Aphrodite will take any and all chances to make couples, be they potential or confirmed, get their sexual tension through the roof.

If you want a more explicit description of Percy's thoughts, well...

You can consider this a pseudo-sequel to this.

As he pretended to be a tourist walking along the hallways of the Venetian palace turned museum, Percy's mind raced with possibilities. The dress Nico had been cursed with showed just enough that it made it even naughtier than if his boyfriend was full on naked.

Two fantasies seemed to take root over the others, and Percy couldn't for the life of him decide which one he liked better.

(Not that he would ever share either with Nico. It would be too embarrassing.)

Both started the same, with Nico, the dilligent maid, having cleaned Percy's apartment back in Queens and asking Percy what he thought. Percy would tour his small, dingy living room.

In the first fantasy, Percy would find a spot by the couch that's been neglected on purpose. He would look at Nico inquisitively, only to be answered by a sheepish smile as he fidgeted, intentionally flashing him with those frilly panties.

"You need to pay more attention," Percy would say, a knowing smirk on his face. "A lesson is in order."

"If you must..." Nico would answer, going over to the couch and leaning over just right to give Percy a full view of both his panty-clad ass and the opening that had been filling his thoughts since he first heard of it. "I'm at the dirty spot, what now, Master?"

And the last word would be said so playfully, so filled with lust, that Percy would just drop his pants and have his way with Nico right then and there.

He groaned out loud, making some tourists look at him in worry, making him blush and scurry towards the showing room that held the desk Nico was talking about.

He took out the key and made sure there were no guards around before opening the top drawer and taking out the quill. An immaculate white feather that seemed to give off some sort of fragrance Percy could not place.

Like an idiot, Percy took it closer to his nose and sniffed it. The aroma was just bewitching, and against his own self-control, his mind went back to the second fantasy.

In this one, his apartment was spotless, and Percy would smile and praise Nico, who would just raise an eyebrow.

"You promised me a special reward if I got everything done," he reminded him. Nico invaded his personal space. "A good master keeps his word," he said as he grabbed his tie.

(He didn't even own a tie, but the imagery of being ordered around by Nico in a maid outfit was not complete unless he manhandled him a little)

He would have Percy on his knees in a second as he sat on the couch's armrest, looking at him expectantly.

"Well?"

And Percy would kiss Nico's exposed thighs, making Nico sigh appreciatively and spread his legs, once again giving him the go ahead to the panties, and what was barely hidden there

Percy looked at Nico, who just nodded to give him permission, and he gingerly pulled at the panties to make the front opening wider...

"Scusi, quella penna è sua?" A voice brought him back to reality. It was a security guard, making him jump.

He instinctively pulled his shirt down, trying to cover his crotch as discreetly as possible.

"Um, what?" He asked nervously. He hoped he came across as a dumb American, and not as a person who was having sexual fantasies about his boyfriend in the middle of a museum.

The guard's exasperated look didn't give him any hint until he muttered, "Americani..." before saying in a thick accent. "That pen... yours?"

"Oh, yeah," he said. "Got it from a shop."

The guard nodded. He had no reason to doubt him. The quill looked too new to be part of a exhibit.

As soon as the guard left, he looked at the quill.

"You are way too dangerous," he said. He knew the fantasies were his own, but just smelling the thing had basically turned them into vivid daydreams.

Maybe Nico was on to something when he refused quests from Love gods.

#ask #anonymous #Percico #mildly spicy #my writing #this was an experiment #I'm getting better at writing spicy stuff #but I can't go all the way yet #I hope this is enough for now #writing prompt

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giggly-squiggily · 1 year

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Hi, Squiggly! I was just reading through a couple of your entries from the Candy Heart Event a couple months ago, great job on that by the way! I came across a Fyozai entry, and I must say, you write Dazai and Fyodor so well! No exaggeration, I loved that entry so much! You said in your A/N that you had some trouble writing Fyodor, so I have to ask, do you think you'll ever write for Fyodor/Fyozai again?

Have a lovely day and keep up the incredible work! You have a new follower!

I was gonna answer all these separately but realized with how sleepy I am I'd lose motivation so here they are all together! Let's get to it! :D

Anon: Akjearkjerajkejkr thank you so much! I appreciate the kind words! I was- admittedly- super nervous writing that one since I barely knew the ship, but after bing-reading/watching Fyozai content; I got a gist! I'm glad I was able to nail them! :D

Truly- I think I will! I rather enjoyed writing them; I just need to get back into watching BSD; I love the anime, but then all the other anime happened alongside life and I kinda fell off ajkrjkarjkjk Once I get through the remainder of Season 3 and work on Season 4, I'll definitely be willing to give Fyodor more writing dedication! :D

@cupcake-spice13 ijtaeklrjkearjkjkt Thank you! I'm so excited to work on part 2! It'll probably be written closer to May- my class officially ends on the 21 of this month, so right now I'm dedicating all my time studying; but once it's over I'm committing to our second selection crew! Isabachi are so soft, and KuniGiri has taken over my life, so it was a joy writing them karkjejkrajkrjk

@yellowelectroslime Thank you so much! I'm familiar with Yukki, but since I've only watched the anime for Blue Lock so far, I've yet to fully meet him/get an understanding of his character. He seems like a real sweetie though! I do want to read the manga eventually, so if I do before Season 2 comes out, I'll add him to the writing list :D

Thanks for asking!

#squggily speaks #asks #anon #cupcake spice13 #yellowelectroslime #friends :3 #group asks #I'm heading to bed after this #I'm so sleepy akjlerjajrja

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hard-core-super-star · 11 months

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hwjskksksdhwj well, at least after that I went straight to sleep, I just wanted to answer you so.... I'm starting to think that too lmao, let me do a test. the time I sent you this was 11am or something close to that? I was going to say something like this only happened once, but since we started talking you're always right 😭 stop always being right, I beg you. in this case: anon, rubix is actually gatekeeping because what she's doing is working, so you can forget your tutorial, sorry.

I'm already that predictable to you? 😔 stop kahsjakka I don't believe someone can literally be right all the time. okay you already got your second star too, now we both have two stars, happy now? and did you really go see the amazing spider-man? yep, I think we can this time, but I still don't know if it would really be narcissism.... noooo come back kahekwkaksk I was actually trying to make a joke like that but what came out was “pure madness” lmao, the joke was good, you're fine!!

what??? I gave you a star, even though you didn't know it in this message yet, but I did!!! when it comes to compliments I....? I think we agreed to finish the sentences now. lmao, it sounds like a good plan, but now I wonder what those more obvious things you would tell me would be. I don’t know if I should agree with the fact that I noticed that you’re not discreet and then you say “excuse me!!?!?!???” again hdjajswkwk. WAIT why are you calling me out now???? I'm going to finish the sentences!

since you're the one saying it, I'll take it as a compliment. well, I'm not assuming you're going to talk about these thoughts now and I'm not excited to see what you have in store. I wasn't thinking that maybe you could drop your @ on tktk because that way we could talk about alpha!kate and I could ask questions and you could answer without leaving possible spoilers here...

I don't think I'm going to run out space because if you really send two per message- I mean, so far I've only gotten the obvious ones, which were written on my face. but I appreciate your faith in me 😶

I feel you! I automatically start to panic with: tough, though, thought, through, thorough and throughout LIKE WTF????? 😭😭 kdhjsakk it's funny to see a writer saying she hates grammar. why a 15th birthday party being something so big and different from others is still a mystery to me. don't mind me asking, but what did you like most there? ngl pronounce it the “American way”? lmao, and what would it be like to pronounce “carne asada” like that?? 🤔 (I've never tried chipotle but I want to stay away from any chiles). Kate annoying people in a friendly way is so real and precious 🥺 nooo, and then the awkward silence after she said something like that would be a reason for her not to speak for the next 20 minutes- to apologize I think yelena would do some acts of service, like, I can see her stopping being proud and apologizing, but her apologizing without necessarily saying it feels more right. or she'll be like those mothers who argue with you and don't apologize but make your favorite dinner hoping it works.

– 🌟

it's a good thing we don't take a long time to reply otherwise that would mean you went to sleep closer to 4am than 3am. once again, i can't be mad 'cause that means a lot...and it's adorable. your test was pretty accurate, it was 11:55 when you sent that message, now it's 2:15 but by the time i post this it'll probably be closer to 3. is this information important? no, i just wanted you to know. you got that right, thank you for admitting it where everyone can see. i know i should stop...but i can't ;) i think you should expand on this very necessary comment because how am i gatekeeping? i think there messages are the tutorial, tbh 😶

yup but it's a good thing, don't worry. kind of like how i'm predictable in terms of my references. maybe not all the time but i think i have a pretty good track record. i am incredibly happy, actually. now, let's see how long it takes you to start asking for a third star 👀 i wanted to but i didn't have time. i might watch this weekend, tbh. i think we should leave it open-ended because i'll get a headache if i think about it too much. aw, i didn't even leave and you were asking me to come back, do you really like me that much? but thank you for appreciating the joke, it made me laugh. and so did yours, tbh.

yes, i know that now not when i wrote that so therefore my complaint still stands. once again, we agreed to that after this message so that's not my fault. buuuut since you seem to be so interested…when it comes to compliments, you give really good ones that make me want to say stupid things in response. i think the sentence before this one will give you a pretty clear idea of what those more obvious sentences would be like. i think you saying this counts as you agreeing. i would be offended but you don't seem to be upset about how not discreet i am so no harm done. i’ll believe it when i see it 👀

great, that's how i meant it. i certainly don't have thoughts i was going to spill but then i got distracted by the suggestion you didn't give. are you not saying you would be willing to reveal your tktk just so i won't share some more alpha!kate thoughts? ‘cause i’m tempted to not say that no one would read said spoilers but clearly, that's a wrong assumption. so…[as offended that i am that you didn't suggest tktk instead of insta] i won't give you a little math problem to find my tktk. take my username on here, delete the - in between the words, and add 19. i certainly won't be there if you want.

i guess time will tell…and my braincells ‘cause sometimes i can't remember the references i want to make.

akkskdkdk YES! my brain hurts just looking at those words. yeah, it's certainly not usual but it's true 🤷 same, it's one of the many traditions i’ll probably never understand. i’m going to give you the honest yet dorky answer…the architecture and the museums. and when i say architecture i don’t even mean things like the Louvre or anything, i mean like the random apartment complexes. it's just…you can feel the history when you walk around. that probably makes no sense but yeah. i can't even attempt to spell out the sounds that come out of gringos when they try to say anything remotely close to spanish lmao. it’s a little more bearable in California but like 🙃 right??? she's genuinely so annoying sometimes but in a really cute way, i can't explain it. kate’s like a baby overthinker. she reacts way faster than she thinks but then once she realizes what she did/said, she’ll think about it non-stop. oh for sure. i don't think yelena would verbally apologize but she’d acknowledge kate’s feelings through actions. and they don't even have to be something big for it to feel huge in kate’s eyes. like maybe yelena just silently encourages kate to go on and on about some archery related thing and kate’s like 🥹

#rubix replies #🌟

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likeastarstar · 3 years

Text

6:03 PM- Namjoon

(A/N: for the anon who asked for a Haru Haru song based drabble! I hope you like it! I'm sorry it took awhile for me to write. Feedback is appreciated!)

You broke up with him last December.

Now, you weren't sure why exactly. It seemed stupid, all of the arguments you had. Back then, you stacked them up into a tall tower as reason to end things but now you're starting to realize that weaponizing every discussion against Namjoon instead of using them to strengthen the two of you was just... dumb.

It was so stupid.

His face when you ended things was still so vivid- the confusion in his eyes, turning to disappointment under a second. The way his shoulders dropped when you said the words 'breaking up', the hands holding yours letting go instantly. He didn't say much, didn't put up much of a fight. At the time you thought that was a sign that you were right in ending things but now you realized you had spent so long pushing him away, he probably realized there was nothing he could say to change your mind.

If you could go back, you'd change a few things. But that was then and here you were... now.

You were standing in a park filled with happy people wondering if they could tell how sad you were, staring at the Christmas tree you had just watched light up. It was an annual tradition, coming to this very spot and watching the lights turn on. You used to really love it, the cold winter air a good excuse to hold onto Namjoon tighter, strong arms looped around your shivering form. You had actually met here, when he almost crashed into you on his bike one day. He apologized a million times but you always gave him shit for it, insisting that he was a terrible bike rider.

Maybe you should've forgiven him for that too.

It seemed like December came too early this year, a whole year without Joon and you still felt the same. Empty- lost. You felt your personality disintegrating by the second. Happiness felt a million miles away and it didn't seem right that the rest of the world was singing about holiday cheer. People around you hugged and kissed each other, laughing in the carefree sort of way as if you weren't standing right there, lonely. It's December again and no one seemed to ask if you were ready.

You turned a fraction of an inch and regretted it instantly- he looked different. A year had changed him, for the better. His hair looked shorter, he had always talked about cutting it but never went through with it because you liked running your hands through it. Namjoon had been working out, you could tell even through his thick winter jacket. You didn't recognize any of the clothing he was wearing, which was strange because at one point in time, all of his thing had been picked out by you and smelt of your perfume. You barely recognized him now, either him nor the girl standing next to him.

He had made so many improvements, you wondered if the girl standing beside him was an improvement too. She was shorter than you but had better hair, cropped short and tucked behind her ears carelessly. You couldn't stare at her for that long, it was burning your eyes.

He held her the way you figured he used to hold you and tried to picture yourself in her place, only succeeding in making yourself slightly nauseous. You stumbled away, hoping to get as far away as possible. You got halfway home before your mind had started spinning completely- was that really him? Was your mind playing tricks on you? Who was that girl?

It could've been all in your head, maybe you had finally lost your mind. But the lump in your throat was definitely real, and the way your heart was aching couldn't be ignored.

Your phone was pressed to your ear with the dial tone ringing in your ear before you knew what you were doing- you had to have punched his number in by memory since you deleted his contact in your phone ages ago. He didn't pick up, obviously. Who would answer a call from their ex-girlfriend while on a date?

The voicemail tone rang out and you heard a noise escape you, wondering if you really sounded that pitchy all the time or if it was his effect on you.

"Hi," You began slowly, unsure of what you were planning on saying to begin with. "I think I just saw you, in the park. I didn't say hi."

You stopped walking, staring ahead blankly. He didn't deserve this, you begging for his forgiveness so long after the fact. He didn't deserve how you treated him before, not then, not now.

"I shouldn't have said hi. I'm glad I didn't." You admitted. "You don't have to respond to this- I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I was awful, to you. You were perfectly nice and I was just...I blamed you for things you didn't do and I never apologized so I'm apologizing. I'm sorry."

You should tell him you still love him.

You opened your mouth, the word love forming on your tongue when the tone rang and it was over. Message sent.

Maybe that was a good thing.

You stared at your phone screen as it went black, the call ending automatically and you felt light. It hurt, sure- you still loved him, sure. But, somehow, you felt better. You could live with this weight, a burden lessened now that you had apologized for how you treated him. You could live with this version of the pain, knowing you at least apologized. You could get through it, you just had to take it day by day.

masterlist.

#bts timestamps #bts drabble #bts fic #namjoon x oc #namjoon fic #namjoon drabble #namjoon x you #kim namjoon fanfiction #namjoon angst #namjoon au #namjoon x reader #namjoon imagine #bts angst

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latte-fairytaekwoon · 4 years

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𝑨𝒃𝒔𝒐𝒍𝒖𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒚 𝑷𝒆𝒓𝒇𝒆𝒄𝒕 (𝑪𝒉𝒐𝒊 𝑺𝒂𝒏) 𝑹𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅

𝑷𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈: 𝑪𝒉𝒐𝒊 𝑺𝒂𝒏 (𝑨𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒛)× 𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 (𝑭𝒆𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒆)

𝑮𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: 𝑺𝒎𝒖𝒕, 𝑭𝒍𝒖𝒇𝒇, 𝑳𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝑨𝒏𝒈𝒔𝒕, 𝑫𝒂𝒅 𝑨𝑼

𝑾𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝑪𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕: 3K+

𝑺𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚: 𝑵𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒘𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒄𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒕-𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒖𝒎 𝒃𝒐𝒅𝒚, 𝑺𝒂𝒏 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒍𝒚 𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒆𝒔 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒊𝒓𝒆𝒔 𝒉𝒆𝒓.

𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: 𝒃𝒐𝒅𝒚 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒄𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒆𝒔, 𝒐𝒓𝒂𝒍 (𝒇𝒆𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒆𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈), 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒚, 𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒌, 𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒈𝒏𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒌, 𝒖𝒏𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒔𝒆𝒙 (𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏)

𝑻𝒂𝒈𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕: @little-precious-baby @yunhofingers @multidreams-and-desires @yunhoiseyecandy

𝑪𝒓𝒆𝒅𝒊𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒂 𝒃𝒚 @vocalyunho 's diamond anon.

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San let out a small cooing sound as he watched the baby in his arms gobble down the milk in his bottle at an increasingly fast speed. Gently, he pulled the bottle away to give the infant time to swallow what he had without having any sort of accidents occur. The baby, not appreciating having his dinner taken away from him, let out a displeased squeal, fist raising up in the air while his legs began to kick out in frustration. Chuckling softly, San adjusted him so he wouldn't accidentally drop him or the bottle, the latter which would probably conclude in the child throwing a full blown tantrum.

"There there. I know you're a little glutton, but I can't let you drink all the milk in one go. I'm still traumatized from the time it all went to your lungs."

Whimpering softly, the boy's fist relaxed and began to clasp and unclasp itself as it tried to reach for the bottle. With a small pout forming on his face, San gave in and once again placed the rubber sucker near his son's mouth, which immediately opened and began gurgling down the lactose contents in the bottle. Withing seconds, the baby finished his meal. Holding him up, San began to pat him on the back, a satisfied smile on his face when his son emitted the faintest burp out of his throat.

"Ok, you're fed, your diaper was changed 15 minutes ago, am I missing something?"

The baby remained quiet as usual, unable to yet respond to his father's inquiry.

"I'll take that as a no then."

Kissing the top of his head and nuzzling his nose against the baby's, San moved over to where the crib was, ready to put the baby inside it so he could sleep. He carefully layed him down and pulled the blue Eeyore blanket Yeosang had gotten for him. Grabbing one of the tiny stuffed plushies, San tucked it under the baby's arm.

"Now you have a sleeping buddy."

Looking at the plush with a grimace, the baby threw the plush rather hard, hitting San on the side of his face.

"Damn son. A simple I don't like it would have sufficed."

He looked around, searching for something that he would like, but unlike himself who adored any plushie, his son was rather picky about his sleeping companions. As he was bending down to look in the treasure chest containing all his toys, he immediately shot up when he heard the baby let out a tiny shriek, nearly tripping on himself as he went to inspect what was the problem. San blinked slowly as the baby currently had his arms latched around Byeol's neck, rubbing his cheek on the top of her furry head, mouth opening up in a squealing giggle when her ears tickled along his nose. The siamese seemed completely unbothered by this, her eyes closing as her paw rested on the infant's tummy, a soft and low purr barely audible unless one payed close attention. Scratching under her chin, San smiled down at the heart fluttering image.

"Thank you for taking over babygirl."

After she let out a tiny meow, San now made his way out of the nursery to go into the adjoining room next to it, making sure to leave the door cracked open a little in case anything happened. He made so little noise as he entered the bedroom that his wife didn't even notice him as she stared at her reflection in the mirror, her hands poking around her belly area, a dissatisfied look on her face. San breathed out a disheartened sigh through his nose as he knew very well what was probably going through her mind. Slowly he came up behind her, startling her when he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Hey beautiful." He greeted her with a kiss to her temple, a light giggle coming out from him.

Forcing a small smile onto her face, she gently moved his hands away from where they were, looking down embarrassingly.

"Let's go to sleep."

Saying those 4 words, Y/N crossed her arms protectively across her chest. Getting into the bed, she layed on her side, facing away from San yet again as she had been doing the past few days. Laying next to her, he scooted his body closer to hers. When she tried to shrink away from his touch, he merely pulled her against him, fingers brushing some of her fallen hair out of her shoulder. His lips began to pepper tiny butterfly kisses across her bare skin, starting from the top of her shoulder and working his way to her neck. Y/N shifted slightly, all those months of not being touched like that since she got pregnant and after having the baby suddenly made her aware how needy she was, how much she craved for San to touch her, hold her, fill her up once again.

But when he moved his hand back towards her stomach, she felt self conscious and pulled away from him.

"San .....please don't." She pleaded at him, her eyes already brimming with tears.

Shocked by her refusal, San sat up.

"Darling what's wrong? Please tell me." He asked her.

Y/N let out a tiny huff.

"Just forget about it....it's stupid anyways."

Frowning slightly, San reached a hand out to stroke his wife's cheek. His stroke was extremely delicate, as if he was caressing a fragile and valuable vessel that could break at any moment. In a way, that's what Y/N was to him.

"Is it cause you don't love your body? Are you self conscious after having the baby?"

Whipping her head around, she wiped some of the fallen tears off her eyes.

"How did you..?"

"I'm not dumb or oblivious Y/N. I see the way you look at yourself in the mirror sometimes." He answered her.

Feeling even worse, Y/N sank back down on the bed, lip quivering in an attempt to stop herself from crying.

"I'm fat and ugly aren't I?"

Hearing her talk about herself with such disdainful comments broke San's heart. Moving himself so he was hovering above her body, he cupped both of her cheeks and looked her straight in the eye.

"You're not fat and you're certainly not ugly. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life and will ever see. And I'm sorry that I failed in not letting you believe that..."

Stooping his face down, he captured her lips in a yearning kiss that had both of their hearts fluttering like the first time they had ever kissed each other. San did not pull away for a long time and when he did, it was only to peck her lips a couple times as he pressed his forehead against hers.

"So let me do that right now."

As he began to kiss along her jawline, Y/N tilted her head back and ran her fingers through his hair.

"San-Sannie? Could you please turn off the light though?" She hesitantly asked.

Letting out a smug laugh, San pushed himself up so he could pull the blankets off their bodies.

"Sorry darling. Tonight I want to see all of you with no covers and in full light. Let me see your entire beauty."

San's hands worked quickly to remove all the articles of clothing that covered Y/N's body. Once her panties were discarded onto the pile on the floor, he looked back at his wife and took in the sight of her naked. Harshly sucking in a breath, he bit down on his lower lip and released a low moan.

"Fuck it's been way too long. Far too long if you ask me."

Tilting her head to allow him easier access, Y/N was already melting from San's kisses across her neck. His hands were already groping down on her breasts, feeling squishier and more tender due to all the milk they had been producing since pregnancy. As soon as his thumbs began tweaking at her nipples, she arched her back and stifled back a whimper, but San's ears still caught it.

"They're really sensitive aren't they love?" His eyes looked up at her as his tongue teasingly swiped across one of her sensitive buds.

Y/N's head nodded in a needy way. Her hands cupped San's chin to press his face against her chest, her swollen breast nearly smothering him. Letting out a heavy groan, San squished her boobs together, watching them jiggle against each other. He'd release them to watch as they bounced against her body before picking them up again.

"Fucking hell, they got so damn huge." He licked his lips.

Taking hold of his hands, Y/N guided his movements so he could massage them as she wanted him to. As Y/N looked up at her husband, she felt shy about what she was about for ask him to do. Seeing her bite down on her lip, San knew there was something on her mind. Bending over to kiss along the sides of her neck, his warm breath ghosted near her ear.

"Tell me what you want babygirl, I want to fulfill your desires." His voice lowered significantly, making her pool even more in between her thighs.

"Sannie...please suck my tits."

Pulling back, he looked at her with a worried expression, no doubt wondering if it would be ok. Pecking his lips, she began to calm his worries.

"It'll be fine, just please, wanna feel your mouth around them."

Not needing any further coercion, San dipped his face and buried his face in her breasts. First paying attention to one, he began kissing it as the other hands fondled the other one. Slowly he opened his mouth and latched it down onto her nipple, giving it an experimental suckle before going any further. Noticing the way she inhaled deeply and pushed her chest more outwards, he then took more of her of in his mouth. Relaxing his jaw, he continued a pattern of flicking and swiping his tongue around her areolas before gripping in his palms and fingertips as sucking sounds come out of his mouth. Soon enough, he felt a thin, watery liquid start to come out of her. Y/N couldn't help but giggle as her husband moaned out an 'oh my god' before his mouth began pumping more of her breast milk out of her body. His oral ministrations on her nipple became more languidly as he was savoring the sweet fluid that he gulped down his throat. Not just San, Y/N's breathing became more ragged and she felt more aroused than she wanted to admit.

"Sannie, don't forget to pay attention to the other one." She reminded as she petted his hair.

Switching over to the other side, this time the latching of his lips was more sloppy and his suckling more desperate. It seemed he couldn't get enough of her milk. Muffled grunts and moans could be heard whenever he gave a particular long suck at her skin. He never imagined that feeding on Y/N's lactating milk could turn him on so much. Releasing her nipple with a loud popping sound, he panted as some of the white liquid trickled down his chin.

"Now I understand why our son is always hungry."

They both couldn't help but laugh softly at his cute little joke. Even as he began peppering kisses down her sternum to her stomach, he was still a giggling mess. Once he got to her lower abdomen, he took his time to trace each and every stretch mark that adorned it. Although he knew she hated them, he thought they were remarkably beautiful, even more so since he knew how she got them. He made sure to kiss all around that part of her body with tenderness and adoration.

"I don't know why you hide them. They're gorgeous...."

Pausing, he looked back up at her, a light twinkle in his eyes as he smiled fondly to her.

"You're gorgeous. Absolutely stunning."

Blushing intensely, Y/N couldn't help but hide her face with her hands

"Really?" She piped out.

Stooping down once again, San dragged his mouth along her hips bones.

"Yes. Even more so now. I still can't believe that you actually carried our son in here, I'm still amazed you did. And these scars..."

Tracing along the lines, he couldn't keep the stupid grin off his face.

"Are a reminder that you did. And everytime I see them, I'll remember all those months of waiting and taking care of you until you gave me the greatest present you could give me. Thank you love."

Feeling overcome with emotions, Y/N couldn't help but let tears fall down her cheeks at her husband's words. Not yet finished with his praises, San now began kissing up her inner thighs, teeth grazing along the most sensitive parts of her skin.

"You have no idea how crazy I am about you. Even after all this time, I still want you like the first day I saw you. Hell I think I desire you even more now than back then love. I go insane every time I look at you. I can't believe you're all mine."

Pushing her legs up, his hands firmly gripped the back of her thighs as his face began to dive into her glistening cavern.

"All mine."

Y/N couldn't keep her body from jolting up when San's tongue licked up her folds. Every swipe of his tongue along her slit had her toes curling. She couldn't remember the last time he had eaten her out this way. She couldn't help but buck her hips up against his face whenever his mouth opened and closed over her clit, the humming sounds he was making sending waves of shock up her body. San didn't mind at all when her fingers began to harshly tug at his hair, it only made him smile in satisfaction against her mound. By the way her thighs were trying to close around his head, he knew she was definitely enjoying herself. The lewd whimpering she was releasing was further indication that she was about to spill herself onto him at any moment and although San would have loved nothing more than to have her cum all over his face, he really preferred something else right now.

With great effort, he detached his mouth from her core, chuckling in a teasing manner when Y/N's mouth dropped open, looking somewhat pissed by the fact he denied her the much anticipated orgasm she hadn't felt in a long time. Pulling his shirt over his head, San licked his lips and winked at the woman underneath him, whose eyes sprang up when he rid himself of his bottoms and his erect cock sprang free.

"Missed this darling?"

He teased her as he ran the head along her folds, coating it with her slick to act as extra lubrication for them. Propping herself up on her elbows to get a better view of him pushing inside her, both of them spewed out hisses and small mutters when his member was fully sheathed inside her walls.

"Ok hold on....give me a second....fuck! It's been way too long."

Y/N could only let out a groan in agreement to his words. Once they both settled down, San began a rather tame and mellow pace, pulling out completely before stuffing himself back inside her. Her legs were already trembling everytime he pushed back in, his tip rubbing against her g-spot due to the way he angled his hips upwards. His fingers were harshly digging into her thighs, surely about to leave tiny purple marks on the days to come. Y/N's hands reached upwards to grip on San's forearms as she looked up at him with pleading eyes.

"Sannie...please... faster."

Halting his movements briefly, San took hold of her legs and wrapped them around his waist, a sinister smile on his face.

"Don't say you didn't ask for it."

Her breath got caught in her throat when he began slamming his hips against hers, back arching and breasts bouncing with every thrust he was making. San felt like he was in heaven once more, feeling his lover clench around his length as the two became connected as one yet again. He missed the euphoric feeling of both giving and receiving such an overwhelming pleasure. He couldn't contain the heavy panting coming out of his mouth although he tried to keep his voice down so as to not wake up the baby sleeping in the next room. Thumb reaching down, he began to circle it around Y/N's pink nub, making her flinch and tremble at the added sensation.

"San! I'm gonna cum if you keep doing that!" She warned him.

"Oh? Yeah? Gonna cum all over my cock? Make a mess all over me?"

Throwing her head back into the pillow, Y/N shut her eyes tightly, mouth struggling to stifle back whimpered shrieks as San hit harder and deeper in her.

"San- don't t-tease me.." She said through tear stained eyes.

"Trust me I'm not love. Just wanna make you feel good, have you cum all over me and then spill my load into you."

Growling softly, he placed his hand on top of her stomach, gently caressing it with his fingers as he looked down at his partner.

"Gonna cum inside you once more love. Gonna fill this pussy up with my seed and get you knocked up again. Would you like that?"

"Oh my-" Y/N clutched at the sheets underneath her, feeling herself on the brink of toppling over the edge due to his dirty talk.

"Yeah you want that? I'll make sure you're pregnant again. Looking all pretty and cute with a swollen belly once again. Carrying another child of mine. Fuck!"

Unable to hold back anymore, San frantically plunged himself deeper in her walls quickly sending them both over the edge at the same time. Y/N's legs quivered and her body shook uncontrollably as the long forgotten feeling of a high took over her completely. San couldn't help but chant out a series of 'oh my gods' as his hips sputtered and he coated her pussy with his cum that gushed out and filled her to the brim, some of it spurting out as he continued to move inside her, helping them both ride out their orgasms.

Movements getting slower until stopping completely, San leaned down to kiss Y/N once again, fervently and passionately.

"I love you so much." He declared, a wide smile sprawling across his handsome face.

"I know....I love you too San."

San kissed her forehead before rolling over and pulling her on top of him.

"You're absolutely perfect darling. Don't ever forget that." He complimented her.

Although she felt embarrased and shy at his words, she played it off with a light scoff and roll of her eyes.

"Are you just saying that so that I'll agree to another round?" She raised an eyebrow.

"I mean...... I'm not saying no...and we do have all night." He wiggled his eyebrows at her.

"He might wake up at any moment now." She nudged her head towards the direction of the nursery.

"Oh don't worry about him, Byeol's taking over night shift tonight."

Y/N let out a squeak when San sat up and positioned her on top of his cock before sliding her down on it.

"And I'm not done with making love to the most beautiful woman in the world."

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614 notes · View notes

some-messed-up-writing-for-you · 3 years

Note

Hi! I'm the anon that asked for any requests you are comfortable or not with, first of all, thanks for answer my question! And second, would you be so kind to write about a male villain confessing his feelings to a female hero with some sexual tension in the middle and then if you want that the thing ends up in something nsfw, please?^^

Request #24

Warning: nsfw.

Man, this one came out long, but I'm hella happy with it! Also, having the characters have different genders really made the writing easier, so I'm probably gonna be doing that more often, lmao.

Enjoy, dear anon!

~~~~

"Ugh! Why are you like this?!" - Hero exclaimed, frustrated as she threw another punch in the villain's direction. He dodged it with ease and caught her wrist, swiftly bringing her closer and landing a hit on her face.

Disoriented, the hero couldn't do anything as Villain pinned her against the wall, her arms held above her head. They were both panting, gasping for air from the exhausting fight that had led them to this point. She tugged at her wrists, trying to break free, but his grip was unyielding.

"Why am I like what?" - the villain asked, making Hero's blood boil even more.

"Don't play dumb!" - she growled out, snarling angrily. "You've been doing this shit for weeks now!"

Before Villain could question her more, the hero lunged her head forward and bit him on the face, catching him off guard. His grip loosened, and his nemesis was quick to take advantage of it. She freed her arms, grasped onto him, and threw them both to the ground.

They thrashed around, rolling all over the dusty floor of the abandoned warehouse they were in until eventually, Hero found herself on top of her enemy, straddling his hips, pinning down his wrists on either side of his head.

Now, even more tired, they glared at each other. The woman decided to voice her frustrations further. "Every. Fucking. Day." - she started.

"Every fucking day, you've been doing whatever you can to waste my time and force me out into the field."

The villain grit his teeth. "I'm not doing this to waste your time."

"Oh, yeah? Then why-" - the hero was never able to finish talking as Villain jutted his hips and threw her off balance. He rolled them both over, swapping their places so that he was on top.

"BECAUSE I WANTED TO SEE YOU!" - the villain exclaimed without thinking, too frustrated to think twice before speaking.

She gaped at him, trying to understand his words. "You-? W-What?"

He faltered, regret starting to eat away at him. He should not have said that. He should not have said-

They switched places again. Hero was on top of Villain, and- ah, shit- he hadn't realized just how close she was- how- how intimate this felt...

A blush threatened to take over his face, but he fought against it, successfully keeping it at bay. Or at least, he was successful until the hero decided to hover her face right in front of his own.

Suspicious, she questioned, "What do you mean you 'wanted to see me?'"

"I- I uh..." - what the hell was happening?! Since when did he stutter?! He couldn't come up with a reasonable answer, and he refused to tell the truth. So, he just shut his mouth.

She waited a few more seconds, hoping he would answer. But silence and shifty eyes were all that she got.

"Villain, c'mon! What is up with you recently?" - Hero tried again, but the villain still refused to talk. He wasn't even looking at her anymore.

Annoyed, she held down his wrists with one hand while the other grabbed his chin, tilting his head and catching his attention. Their eyes locked, and she swore his pupils were more dilated than usual.

"You've just been acting so weird lately! And, I- I just-" - she stopped, furrowing her eyebrows as she got lost in thought. Was... Was Villain blushing? This was all so- so unlike him!

His pupils are wide, he doesn't want to look at her, and he said he was doing all of this because he 'wanted to see her?' What did any of this mean?! And what the hell is poking her in the-

A blush assaulted her face as the dots suddenly connected, her lips forming into a thin line as she looked down at their touching crotches.

She looked back at him. His face was even brighter, a look in his eyes.

Hero's brain scrambled to break the silence, but her words did not want to cooperate. "I- Do- Do you- Are you-"

"I like you!" - Villain blurted out. He could feel the sweat going down the side of his face as the hero above him became stunned.

"I- I really uh- really like you." - he said again.

Breaking out of her daze, she responded, "Uh... Yeah, I- I can tell."

...

Holy shit, this was awkward.

...

The hold on his chin had loosened at some point, and he looked away again. She broke the silence once more. "How long?"

He almost choked on his spit, looking back to her. "H-Huh?"

"How long have you uh... had feelings for me?"

Oooh, right.

"I- I don't know..." - he admitted. "It just... kind of... happened somewhere along the line...?"

She took a deep breath as if steeling herself for something. Oh, God, what will she say? This is the part where she calls him a weirdo and runs away, isn't it?

"It's... nice to know I'm not the only idiot around here then."

...

"What?"

Clearing her throat, Hero shily muttered, "I- I like you too."

Villain was pretty sure his brain had just short-circuited. Did- Did he hear that right?

"I- You- You like me back?"

She nodded in reply. He was still shocked that this was happening. What were they supposed to do now? Fight? He didn't really want to fight. He had some... other activities on the mind.

Sighing internally, Villain did his best to collect his thoughts. Someone had to move this conversation forward, and it seemed like the hero wouldn't be the one to do it.

"Do you... still want to fight?" - he asked. She looked at him a bit puzzled before her equally fried mind caught up. "I mean- I just... don't really feel like it anymore."

"Uh... Y-Yeah, alright." - she responded, releasing her grip and carefully moving off him so that their crotches wouldn't brush against one another. The villain sat up, and they both remained there on the ground, playing with the dust to keep themselves distracted.

...

It was quiet again. Villain almost groaned, angry with himself. He wanted to say something, but- How was he supposed to say this? It's not like he could just-

"Do you wanna fuck?" - Hero suddenly blurted out, and he sputtered, unable to respond like a functioning human being.

She panicked a bit. "S-Sorry! Uh- Too- Too forward?"

"Y-Yes! I- I mean no! I- I mean-" - he buried his face in his hands. Why was this so difficult?! He was an adult! Both of them were!

Wait- An adult, yes! Just- Think, Villain. How would a sensible adult proceed in this situation?

He uncovered his eyes, taking a look around. They were both on the ground, covered in sweat, dirt, and decades-old dust. They had gotten some good hits on each other, so they had some bruises and cuts.

So, if they were to... have sex - he still couldn't believe this was happening - the most responsible thing to do would probably be... going elsewhere...? But where? To one of their houses, perhaps?

Villain sighed audibly, catching the hero's attention. "Do you... want to come over to my place?"

Her eyes widened, and her face burned brighter at his question. He added frantically, "O-Or we could go to your place! Or- Or no place at all! We could just forget this ever happe-!"

He froze as fingers pressed against his lips, silencing him. He looked at her again. She smiled nervously before saying, "W-We can't forget about this. We could try, but..."

Her eyes traveled up and down his body quickly, studying him, and he couldn't help but shiver under her gaze. "...I'm pretty sure we would both fail miserably."

She pulled her hand back, and he already missed her touch.

"So..." - she started. "...Your place...?"

"S-Sure." - Villain managed to answer. He lifted himself off the ground and offered her his hand, which she took. Upon pulling her up, their bodies lightly collided, Hero's hands landing on his chest to steady herself and one of the villain's hands catching her by the waist. They silently stood there for a moment, blushing as if they had never touched another person, before swiftly separating.

With some awkward coughs and clearing of throats, they were on the move again, working together so they wouldn't get seen.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"This is your house?" - the hero asked, looking around. The tension between them had eased a bit since they left the warehouse. "I won't lie, I always imagined it to be... a lot less normal than this."

Villain snorted at that. "What, were you expecting red string and cork boards?"

She didn't answer, only biting the inside of her cheek and crossing her arms, making him chuckle a bit before getting back on track. He led her through the house, arriving at a bathroom. "I think it'd be best if we got cleaned up a bit since we've been rolling around in dirt and whatnot all day."

"Why, Villain. Are you being responsible?" - Hero asked playfully. He gave her an "Oh- shush." before showing her where everything was. A smile crept onto his face regardless; he had missed their casual banter.

"Now, I have another bathroom upstairs connected to my bedroom, so once you're done, you can uh... you can join me... I guess..."

"Smooth." - she replied teasingly, getting a blush from him. "I got one more question, though."

"Yes?"

She grinned, looking forward to his reaction. "What am I supposed to wear?"

Villain seemed to freeze for a moment before it registered in his brain that Hero did not, in fact, have any spare clothing to put on. His blush worsened tenfold, and she laughed.

Through her giggles, she asked, "Do you want me to just come upstairs nake-?"

"Bathrobe! Yup! There's uh- There's one right there!" - he blurted out, not letting her finish. She looked to where he was pointing, and there was indeed a bathrobe hanging there, next to some towels.

She gave another small chuckle. "Alright."

Turning back to him, she lightly bit her lip and gave him a look, tracing a finger along his jawline. "But you better wear one too~."

Hero didn't realize a person could blush this badly. For the poor villain's sake, she kept her giggles in this time, letting him respond. "Y-You got it!"

With that, Villain left. He walked out calmly, but a few seconds later, she still heard him sprint down the hall and couldn't keep her laughter to herself.

As he moved up the stairs - way too quickly for it to be normal - he silently cursed himself. Why was he acting like such an idiot?! He had sex before! This was nothing new!

No, no, it's not that this was new or something. It wasn't his fault! It was Hero's!

Hero with her stupid smile that made his knees weak, and her dumb laughter that made his heart flutter, and- and...

...

Has Villain ever felt like this before? Has he ever... fallen for someone like this?

Perhaps before he had become the villain, but... that was a long time ago. He no longer remembered anything from that part of his life. He only remembered the now. He only remembered his fights with Hero.

As he arrived at his bedroom's bathroom, he smiled. The woman really had taken over his mind, hadn't she? She was incredible, no other like her. And amazingly enough, she returned his feelings too.

The villain stripped free of his ruined clothing and hopped into the shower. Rubbing soap onto his dirtied skin, he pondered on that thought. Did she truly feel the same way? What if this was... just some elaborate trick...?

He faltered for a moment, having not considered such an option. What if the hero wanted to catch him off guard...? While he was vulnerable...?

He shook his head. No, that couldn't be the case. He knew her. He knew how her real laughter sounded. He knew how she looked when she was acting, pretending to be happy. And this... this was no act.

Hero loved him back.

Villain knew that. His mind just enjoyed tormenting him sometimes.

As he scrubbed at his scalp and hair, he returned to the present. Hero was here, in his house, and they were basically about to have sex together. His face flushed red again as another thought crossed his mind. Who...

Who would be on top...?

...

Honestly, the villain was fine with being either but... he'd be lying if he said Hero didn't look hot as hell on top of him.

Dear Lord, he was getting turned on just thinking about how she had pinned him down earlier.

...

He really needed to get out of the shower already. Getting back on track, he fully rinsed himself and turned the water off. Hurriedly, he grabbed a towel and dried himself off. Once done with that, he wrapped himself in a bathrobe identical to the one downstairs. It was soft and warm. It helped calm him.

Taking a deep breath, he gripped the door's handle and opened it. Upon doing so, Villain was met with the sight of Hero casually lying on his bed, loosely wrapped in her bathrobe. He could see her cleavage and- shit, he was staring-

Looking away and clearing his throat, he closed the bathroom door.

"Took your sweet time in there, huh?" - she asked with that playful expression back on her face once more. The villain went to respond, but she smirked and continued. "Didn't start the fun without me, did you~?"

"N-No." - he said, and she chuckled at his nervousness. Why was he like this? This was his house and his bed that Hero was lying on! She was just being so confident and... and taking charge and...

She grinned wider, amused as she looked at his crotch. He also looked.

...

Shit.

Well, if that didn't make it obvious he was enjoying this...

...

He looked back up at Hero, and she wiggled her finger at him, beckoning him to come and join her. He silently obliged, crawling onto the bed and sitting in front of her. She was leaning against the headboard, soft pillows arranged so that they would support her back.

The hero scooted forward a bit. Feeling daring, Villain copied her and gasped as he suddenly found himself under her. She had grabbed him and switched their places before he could react, pressing him against the headboard and straddling him.

He stammered, trying to come up with something to say, but grew silent as Hero cradled his cheek. Her thumb rested on his lips as she leaned forward to whisper in his ear. "I hope you weren't planning on being the top~?"

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he answered, breathless, "No... I wouldn't have this any other way..."

She grinned at him, eyes half-lidded as she tangled her hands in his hair. He sighed, relaxing under her touch as she brought their lips together in a soft kiss. Villain's arms wrapped around her waist, bringing her closer.

A moan hummed in his throat as Hero's hands trailed down his chest and landed on his bathrobe's belt. Slowly, teasingly, she untied it, the fabric loosening around him, letting her slip it off him, exposing his body to her.

Shivers coursed through the villain as her hands glided along his bare skin. He wanted to feel her too. His hands traced her curves, sneaking towards her belt. As his fingers brushed against it, she caught his wrists, scolding him lightly. "Ah, ah. Not allowed~."

He opened his mouth to protest, but only a gasp left him as one of her hands went to his cock. The hero's fingers brushed against it, her touch feather-light, experienced. Villain grasped at the bedsheet below them, breath coming out uneven as she slowly stroked him.

Even as she drew pleasured mewls from him, she took a moment to admire his shaft. It was a decent length, not the biggest one out there, but certainly above the average. It was just right for her, and she complimented so, whispering in his ear again, "You're the perfect size~. And it looks so nice too~."

He shuddered at her words, and she moved her face in front of him once more. Their mouths locked again, her free hand grabbing the back of his head, pulling him in. She seized his bottom lip in her teeth, nibbling on it gently. Her tongue asked for entrance, and he let her in, deepening the kiss. She explored the inside of his mouth, memorizing every nook and cranny.

Villain sucked in a sharp breath as Hero's hand stopped, and her thumb began running small circles on the tip of his dick, smearing pre-cum across it. As their lips parted again, they gasped for air. Another smile graced her features as he begged. "F-Fuck! Hero, please, can I touch you? Please."

The woman hummed, considering his plea. She adored the needy look on his face, the way his fingers twitched around the clutched bed sheets, desperate for contact. The hero gave a small chuckle. "Well, since you asked so nicely~."

With the permission given, the villain's hands immediately moved to strip her free of her robe. She laughed some more at his haste before kissing him again. Low moans left them both as they touched and teased each other. His hands trailed down her spine, making her arch into him and raising more pleasured sounds from her.

Showing her approval, Hero stroked Villain a few times, her movements swift and firm, drawing another shudder from him. They separated for air again, her hands moving up to cradle his face as she suggested, "How about we get to the fun part now~?"

His hands trailed to her hips, his mouth opened to reply, but he suddenly pulled back, looking as if he just remembered something. "Oh, hold on."

The hero watched curiously as he leaned to the side of the bed towards a nightstand. The villain opened one of the drawers and pulled something out of it. She gave an amused snort once the two objects entered her vision.

"What?" - he asked as she giggled again, looking between her, the bottle of lube and condom in his hands.

"I don't get to see you being a responsible adult very often. It's cute." - she admitted, making him blush once more without fail.

He grumbled under his breath, but the smile on his face told her there was no bite behind it. She took the small bottle from him and moved back a bit. Villain paid her no mind, focused on getting the condom out of its package and slipping it on. Once he successfully finished his task, he looked up again.

His dick twitched at the sight that greeted him. Hero was sitting on the other end of the bed, her legs spread wide as she poured some lube onto her throbbing sex. She gasped lightly as the cold substance made contact and then used her hand to tease at her folds.

The villain watched as she slipped a finger inside herself, slowly moving in and out. His own hand went to his cock, stroking himself as he grew entranced by the show. He matched her pace, and she groaned quietly as she slipped a second finger in, stretching herself in preparation.

Their eyes locked, and they stayed that way for a little bit, pleasuring themselves and listening to one another's soft gasps and moans. Eventually, Hero's impatience got the best of her. She pulled her fingers out and crawled over to Villain.

Grabbing onto his shoulders, she positioned herself at his dick, and he held her by the waist, giving her some additional support. They inhaled shakily in unison as she took in the tip of his cock. She moved down slowly, letting herself adjust to his size, and he made no complaints, haphazardly leaving small pecks on her face, which got another giggle out of her.

Once he was fully sheathed inside of her, he ran his hands down her thighs, making her shiver and pull him into another kiss. Her touch trailed over his sides to his hips and then back up to cradle his head. His own hands moved up her body, one grasping her breast, squeezing and kneading while the other moved to get tangled in her hair.

Experimentally, the hero moved her hips forward, making them both moan against one another, the sound muffled by their connected lips. Leisurely, she began moving up and down, setting a calm pace, the slight pain of being stretched around him fading into pleasure. Their mouths parted again, and quickly, they got lost in their lust and each other's eyes.

She sped up, their skin beginning to slap together, sounding across the room but still drowning in their moans and mewls. As their pleasure began to build up inside their guts, their hands traveled without a set destination, wanting to feel as much as they could.

A gasp left Hero's lips as Villain's shaft hit the right spot, and she angled herself, focusing on it and moving even faster, her breasts bouncing in rhythm with her rapid pace. Thrust after thrust, their breathing swiftly turned shaky, chaotic. Their minds grew frantic as their orgasms approached them.

The hero's head tilted back, and she tightly held onto the villain's shoulders as release washed over her. His name left her lips in a low moan that echoed in his head, and it didn't take long for him to come as well, Hero's name leaving him in an identical manner.

Coming down from their highs, they slowed down, enjoying the pleasure for a bit longer with some calm thrusts and movements. They locked in a soft, short kiss before eventually parting and coming to a stop. Together they gasped for air and took a moment to rest as sweat dripped down their bodies.

Once she had regained some energy, Hero slid off Villain, making them both shudder at the feeling. She collapsed on the bed beside him, and soon, he copied her, lying down next to her. The two remained like that for a few minutes, calming their racing hearts and basking in the afterglow.

A small chuckle caught the villain's attention, and he turned his head towards the hero. She gave him a lazy smile before explaining her giddiness. "Looks like we'll need another shower."

He gave her a chuckle of his own before an idea crossed his mind. "Well, I do have a jacuzzi tub..."

With a grin that Hero considered too charming for Villain's own good, he offered, "Wanna take a bath together~?"

She giggled fondly. "Sure."

And then, together, off they went to get cleaned up again.

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