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#another reason i don't worry about it too much
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Hello!
Something about @/demigod-jack-hearth
Something I wanna say about this post (with my reblog on it). I wanna give a side of a story. Mine to be exact.
They were one of the first people I talked to outside of rp. They were a close friend. But that fades.
I DONT WANT THEM TAGGED IN THIS I DONT WANT THEM TO KNOW ABOUT THIS. I HAVE THEM BLOCKED. IF THEY LEARN ABOUT THIS, IT IS BECAUSE SOMEONE SEND THIS TO THEM.
Tw: sa, strong language, I'm a little bitch, please please please read at your own risk
When start this by saying Jack worries me. I've seen so many post, rp or otherwise, where they bring up extremely triggering comments...just randomly. This has happened to me too. I don't get bothered by them I've been lucky enough to not deal with most and be comfortable with what I have dealt with. I think he needs professional help. Or to talk to someone that is an adult. This is difficult for some people. But there are free therapy websites out there. I have seen them. I have participated in them. The people on the other line aren't professionals but they are people willing to listen. And adults.
It started with when I saw an rp they had with camp Sky. I can't give screenshots of that but I do have some of confronting them.
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Now all good right? Yeah! I thought so too. Untill an anon confronts em.
Posts here and here
Oh...kay? What's wrong about this?
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Yeah...
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Actively calling out anon
Now mind me I thought they had buried this au deep deep into the ground. Wasn't until I opened Circe's blog that I realised they didn't. I was pissed. I had every reason to be. We have so few stories of male victims as it is and this 'au' was blatantly disrespectful to victims of all genders. I felt really fucking disrespected that's for sure.
Unfortunately I don't confront them. But I do vent.
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Now I feel bad for this. Maybe this was dirty laundry I shouldn't have aired out. But I was just so angry I couldn't think properly. I didn't mention Jack in this post, but friends figured it out. I won't say who these friends are for obvious reasons. Also, this is a bit wrong. They thought Odysseus cheated with only Circe, and Calyspo was SA. I got that wrong, and I admit it. I only remembered that when I scrolled up our dm to take a screenshot of it.
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Now I wanted to leave that convo because I wasn't in the mood for arguing, and I've learned to give people what they want, which makes em and yourself stop. My fault again.
Things happen. It leads to the apology. Now, obviously, I can't tell if an apology is genuine through a screen, and I am most certainly a pessimist. So, like, I don't think it is. Also, I'm almost certain that most was written by whoever the friend was who 'helped' em.
Sure, people can change, but not enough times do they actually. Just look on the Internet. And real life. A person like Jack, well, they've talked to me enough to know it is most likely not the case. If they were so angry at a piece of good criticism, then I don't have much hope.
Am I an angry person ? Yes. Do I think I have the right to be? Yes. Am I also a logical person? I believe so. The people I've asked think so, too. I don't dislike something for no reason. But I do dislike things. What I do like is reasons for my dislikes. With me so far?
Good. Moving on.
After the apology and after I finally got my thoughts in order, I sent them a message because they tagged me. A lot.
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This is what I sent. It's emotional, but in my opinion, it also makes sense. I was mad they lied to me. I was mad they twisted the story so. Fucking. Much. Odysseus isn't a rapist and Circe isn't an innocent flower. That is not what an AU is. What was their reaction to this? Nothing. To me at least.
A mutual friend told me they sent the last half of my messages and told them that they were angry I. Didn't. Thank. Them. For. The. Apology. Take that for what you will.
Now they made another post replying to the first anon who criticized them. I've read it. And when I tell you it is so fulled with self-pity-
I haven't collected my thoughts properly about this so this is bad and more emotion than the above. but this is the basic things behind it.
1) never directly addressing what he did and constantly tell em to read the apology. Don't wanna repeat yourself. How much time is it gonna take out of your day exactly?
2) not acknowledging the fact the male sa victim. At all. They don't say anything about it. No 'my condolences'. No 'I'm so sorry that happened to you' . Not acknowledging how terrible of a thing that is. At all.
3)says they aren't gonna defend themself... and defend themselves
4) have yet to tell us who these people are. Which is just bad cuz there are people out there who are okay with this. If they were IRL friends just say that.
5) it felt just fucking dull
Maybe this isn't right. Maybe you disagree with these points. But do not tell me you disagree with the rest.
I wanna end this by saying I am victim of SA. Did I tell him this? No. Maybe I should've. I don't feel comfortable sharing it. Because remembring fucking hurts. Remembering means crying and opening the lights and either sitting or laying down on my back because I can still. Fucking. Feel. It. And I was nine.
I don't want your pity on this. I don't want you to say sorry. The people you should be saying sorry to are the people who are not believed when this happens. Feel sorry for the people who cannot report this stuff because they don't trust the people who are supposed to protect them. Feel sorry for the people who think it was their fault and they actually wanted it when they didn't. 63% of rape are not reported in females. Only 12% of child rapes are reported.
I can't find a clear fucking statistics on males.
Do you know how difficult it is for males to have any representation at all? How many male victims do you see online? Even Odysseus being regonized as one is recent. Fucking. Stop. This is more than a made up story. It means the world to some people. So this actually happen. It might mean everything. This was taken away from them from so many retellings. And a stupid fucking au.
If you want to talk about SA, wanna make a character out of it, learn about it first.
So I'm not going to forgive and I am definitely not going to forget. You can. If you want. I don't care if you do. But I ask you not to forget. Please.
I am tagging Jack's taglist
@zariahthewitch @thegroovydaughterofhestia @if-chaos-was-a-boy @the-gods-strange-children @silena-daughterofaphrodite @fabulousdaughterofhecate @weakest-son-of-sun @chaos-pers0nified @neoptolemus-achilles-son @bast-the-best26 @goddess-of-bubblegum @hispanic-child-of-hermes @gaygirldoodles @luck-is-crucial @reyna4ever @vicious-daughter-of-zeus @feral-hermes-child @oopsies-i-did-a-thing @unfortunate-daughter-of-hestia @that-girl-cupid @ariathemortal @love-lightning-forethought @emdabitchass @kaiaalwayswins @champion-of-revenge @zoe-aura-of-d3ath @itsyourboyezra @lunar-eklipso-r @pink-koi-lovejoy @that-daughter-of-athena @sleepy-as-a-song @smileyalater @gellyhelio @daughter-ofthe-moontitan @demeters-daughter-is-done @the-smart-and-the-dumb-one @trinket-snatcher @creature-under-ur-bed @burnt-out-bitxhes @cloak-of-ares @heraaaaaaaa @unproblematic-hestia @i-was-never-sane
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eraofkalki · 2 days
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OKIE SO ITS LIKE
solomon and mc are married, and one night, solomon comes home with blood on his clothes and face for some reason. maybe he got into an intense magic duel, perhaps he needed a lot of sacrifices for a ritual, whatever. mc runs up to him, terrified, asking if he's okay. but solomon just laughs. no need to worry! it's not his blood! hehe <3
mc sighs. "alright... now, let's clean you up. i'll hose you down outside."
"aw, i thought my adorable spouse would draw me a bath after a long day... :((("
"you'll get one after the hose so you don't track blood through my house, okay? :)"
it's solomon's turn to sigh, since his fake pouting didn't immediately work. "yes, dear."
"what's wrong, honey? why aren't you happy to see me?" solomon asks, with a pout and an adorable tilt of his face, which would've been adorable if it weren't for the --
"blood? solomon, what the hell?!" you asked, the sounds of your heartbeat reverberating in your ears, your gut tightening from panic.
"darling, darling, shhh, listen to me--" he begins as he blocks your incoming assault with his arms and prepares to gather you into an embrace before stopping himself. you don't need to get this blood on your precious self.
"i'm not hurt, alright?" he says with a lighthearted chuckle at your face contorted with worry. "it's not mine."
you let out a long, weary sigh. at least your lovely face wasn't marred with anxiety now. "just...what were you up to?" you asked him, searching his calm eyes for an answer.
"i just got into a duel with another sorcerer who challenged me. things got...slightly messy, i suppose," solomon began. "but, you don't need to worry about all that. it's nothing serious."
it's nothing serious. hmph. alright, then so be it. in any case, you were not about to let even your husband dirty your house with blood. so, outside it was.
"fine. now, come out with me, i'll hose you down."
his eyes widened in mock surprise and hurt. "really? you're not going to draw a bath for me? after such a long day? and run your hands through my hair and tell me you love me?" his hand went to his chest as he puts on a hurt expression.
"of course i will! after i clean you up. because if you take a single step inside, you clean everything up, understood?" you said with a smile, at which he agreed reluctantly.
although solomon didn't get to be pampered by his love (what was he expecting anyways?), any moment with you was his favourite moment. even if it was you shooting him with water while admonishing him for showing up home the way he did.
having a sorcerer spouse like solomon had its ups and downs. but one thing was for sure; life would never cease to bring surprises at your doorstep, like a blood covered husband on a fine evening.
and life would also never stop reminding you of the gifts you had; like the aforementioned husband who joyfully coos into your lap about how much he adores you as you stroke his silver hair.
"...i love you too, silly."
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gamergirl-niffler · 2 days
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Reassuring || Teen!Aizawa x Teen!Reader
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A/N: This is my entry for the Weekly Challenge! I did my best T_T
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It was a beautiful sunny day with the right amount of clouds, making the sun less aggressive.
You groaned when the clouds moved, and suddenly you were hit with sun right into your eyes. Shaking your head you squinted, following your father, a prohero off another patrol.
“Great job, kiddo! As always, you did great! I sent you to the U.A for a reason,” He praised.
It was your second year in the U.A so it meant one thing - Work Study during summer vacation. It was fun, but you wished stuff were different.
Your father looked at you worriedly because of lack of any type of answer or comment from you. “So… how are you holding up, kid? It's been just two days. Despite your eagerness to work, I can't help but worry.”
As the question dropped the sun was again covered by clouds casting a shadow over the two of you. You lowered your head, trying to hold back the tears while recalling the tragic events.
Just two days ago, you and your father were summoned as a support shortly after a big villain attack. For your father it was nothing - day as every day of work, but for you, it was the moment you found out about your best friend Oboro Shirakumo’s cruel faith. 
At least your other friends; Aizawa and Yamade were safe and whole. None of you took it lightly because how could you? Your friend was dead, and all you three could do now was support each other.
“I am… fine,” You nodded, looking at your father. Of course, you did your best to hide your feelings.
He didn't buy it, but at the same time he didn't want to push you nor argue with you. Ruffling your hair, he pulled you closer. “Fine. Let's say I believe you, kiddo. How about your… oh! Speaking about the devil. Ain't it one of your pals?”
You looked in the direction he was looking, and it was indeed Yamada himself.
“You are done for today so go to him,” Your father said, so you did just, quickly greeting your friend. Poor Hizashi looked tired, completely not like his usual self. Which was worrisome.
“Hey, how are you holding up?” You asked.
Hizashi looked away, rubbing the back of his neck. “Guess, I am doing as best as I can.”
“Same.” You agreed with him. It was indeed a difficult situation to take in, especially after just two days. 
“I am worried about Shota, ya know. He was never much of a talker, but now it's even worse,” Yamada explained. “I could go to him, but you know I am “too loud” for him so it will be better for you to go to him.”
You weren't even a little surprised that Shota had the biggest trouble with taking it all in. He was there when it happened. 
“I will change my clothes and go to his place to talk with him. I’ll inform you how it went after.”
“That sounds like a plan!” He agreed with you.
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Refreshed and dressed in your civilian clothes, you knocked at the door to Shota’s place. After a brief moment, his mother opened the door.
The talk with her was short and of course contained a mandatory question of ‘how are you holding up?’
When the chat was over, you made your way to Shota’s room. As a good guest and friend you knocked at the door first, but there was no answer so you allowed yourself inside.
“I didn't say you come in, mom,” Shota muttered, not looking away from the book. He was sitting on the floor of his room with his back resting against the bed.
You chuckled.
“Well Hi to you too Sho.”
He looked at you. “Oh, it's you. Hey.”
“What's ya reading?” You asked and sat next to him, taking a look at the pages.
Shota only shook his head.
“At this point… I don't even know what I am reading. I am just trying to distract myself.”
You looked at him and reached over to gently brush hair out of his face. He looked tired and of course sad. “Let me guess… Hizashi sent you, huh?” Shota asked, nuzzling to your hand just a little.
“That too, but I was worried about you myself,” You explained. “Everyone asks me that so now it's my turn; how are you holding up?”
“Amazing! I was there and I couldn't do anything. Maybe if I wasn't myself, MAYBE it all could go way different. Maybe he would be alive,” he growled.
You blinked, looking at him.
“Shota, you didn't know this would happen. No matter what, this was way beyond your control.”
“I am useless. There was a moment I thought I could actually do something, especially after winning with that big villain, but look, I can't even keep my own friend alive,” He argued with you. “I am useless! Powerless.”
“Shota!” You snapped, grabbing his cheeks and making him look at you. “Stop. Stop saying that. Oboro's death wasn't your fault nor does it mean you are powerless,” you told him, tearing up. “I miss him too, I wish he was still with us but… he is not, and he won't ever again be, and I don't blame you or anyone for it.”
Shota lowered his head, and you moved your hand through his hair, ruffling them a little. “Now all we can do is work hard and, well, start this planned agency.”
He sighed deeply and nodded. “Guess you are right. I miss him.”
You nodded, wiping your eyes. “I miss him too but it will get better.”
“Let's hope you are right,” Shota said quietly, pushing hair behind your ear. “I will never forget you saying that.”
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wyvchard · 2 days
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Birds of a Feather...
Agent Phoenix found themself displaced in time after waking up to Reginald's younger self. Chaos ensues.
Content Warnings: Canon Typical Violence, guns, restraints, Reggie's field days, Phoenix chaos
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"Are you doing alright?" Agent Phoenix groaned as they woke up in a rough bed feeling far worse than the time they stayed up until daylight. They took a deep breath to calm down in order to observe their surroundings. It wasn't as clinical as a typical Zoraxis base, a relief to them.
"Nothing too unfamiliar. Where am I?" They glanced at the source of the voice, suddenly pausing when they finally registered a familiar looking face peering at them with worry.
"Is there something on my face?" He raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms to show his disapproval. "If you think these bandages look horrible, you should take a good look at yourself."
"You look like someone I know... just... younger. It's not what you think. I know I look horrible but believe me, I can manage." They looked away, taking a deep breath to focus on something other than their heavy limbs. "I've been through worse."
"You were found unconscious in the middle of nowhere. What could be worse than that? Actually, I take that back."
Phoenix gave him a sympathetic smile before getting up, much to his panic. They chuckled at his fussing. "You remind me too much of my dad. I'm sorry for laughing. He frets a lot."
"Who wouldn't? I know I can be stubborn as a mule but you seem to be on another level."
"Well, I'd say I like to take things on another level." They smirked, amusement spilling all over them, only for them to frown when they felt their ear emptier than usual.
"We confiscated your earpiece. For some reason, it caught the attention of one of our technicians we're taking a poke at it a little bit."
"I'm getting it back, right?"
"If you can get R&D to return it, that is. Speaking of, I have to go. Please stay here? I'm sure some of doctors have plenty to be curious about. Would it be alright if you satisfy their curiosity a bit?"
"I don't have much of a choice, do I? All I can do is sit up at the moment." They mumbled, shooing him off. A part of him remains unconvinced but he has somewhere to be: Roxana is waiting for him.
Phoenix absolutely hated the probing that came moments later. They miss the fact they didn't have to answer questions that weren't "where does it hurt? Have you injested anything you shouldn't? How are you even alive?" or any of the sort.
They so badly wanted to grab the clipboard from the doctor with their TK but that was classified information that mustn't come out, so they put on a smile and answered as best they could without releasing anything classified.
They really wish to know who that young man was, seeing as though he looked a lot like the older photos of their beloved handler.
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"Reginald..." Roxana stared at her friend who approached her with a silly grin. "You know you really shouldn't have taken their earpiece. Who knows what it is made of."
"You are curious about it as well. Don't give me that look." He stifled a huff, watching as she hands him some schematics. "Roxana, you know I don't understand any of this."
She sighed, pointing at a stool nearby a table with an open sewing kit. "The earpiece is definitely more compact than anything the agency is capable of producing at the moment." Her eyes darted to him working on one of the tears she accidentally created when it was snagged by a tool. She really needs to make a case to allow a bit of leeway in the dress code.
"That's not what I'm interested about. Why is their earpiece so tied to my own? I know I don't pay attention to the other agents as much as I should but I'm sure I can recognize someone like them."
"What makes you say that?"
"Well-" His words were cut off by a transmission. "I have to go. My handler is telling to check out the source of a distress call in the building."
He gently put away the repaired garment and rushed outside, leaving her alone.
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Agent Phoenix is currently curled up in a corner, one spare radio borrowed from the "supply closet" (empty and unused office) they barricaded themself in.
They need to get evac there. Immediately. Everything felt so familiar yet so wrong. There were some places where they can delude themselves they were back in their office, bullet holes and all. Yet it was too new to them, as if someone patched up the structural failings on the surface.
They held their breath, really hoping that the mail slot there wasn't going to have a-
"Woah! Gun safety rules aside, it's me. Come on. Please get outta there." He sounded surprised at the fact his gun was practically ripped from his grasp in the mail slot although here was a hint of reprimand.
"Leave me alone! I wanna go back. I miss him so much." They covered their ears, still shivering from how similar the young man's voice was to his.
"There isn't really much to miss there. A lot of things you can shoot at point blank range. And I don't think he's around."
They counted the seconds, internally cursing at the fact they need to use their TK to open the door in order to escape.
Despite their preparation, they managed to falter, earning him a chance to tie their limbs with a rope.
"Let me go! I swear I only want to go home." Indignation laced their voice as their struggled. "Please. I'm sure they're worried."
"I only came with a gun because you were reported to have a knife on you. How did you even manage to sneak it past us?"
"Well, why was your first thought to push a gun through a mail slot to calm me down?"
Their unfriendly glare made him wear a wry smile as he mumbled an apology. "Well, why wouldn't I be guarded? You were sending a distress call to the agency, not to mention your earpiece always connects to mine."
Eyes widening at the realization, they looked resigned a few seconds later. "... I won't participate in any questions until you do this one thing for me, Mr. Reginald Crane."
A shiver ran up his spine as they gave him a devious grin.
"Please ask Dr. Roxana Prism if she's willing to make a tine machine with me."
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I have NO idea where I'm going with this so this is a one shot for now.
Tag List:
@phoenix-and-found-family, @the-one-and-only-043, @ghostlystarwanderer, @jellyfishgummy
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Me looking through all the reblogs/comments from people genuinely concerned about my wellbeing:
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ghostoffuturespast · 1 year
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Being a writer is weird.
#it's tough fighting that human visual bias on a platform like this#my queue ran out and i haven't posted any vp because i was trying to crank out that last chapter for my long fic#and like i get it maybe most people aren't interested in reading it#different strokes for different folks#but like the discrepancy between how people interact with photo vs writing posts is wildly disheartening sometimes#and i've been see-sawing back and forth all day about this#riding high and wallowing in the mud#this is literally the creative project that i've been pouring myself into for the past month and a half every spare moment i have#and i've been doing this for the past year and a half#it's weird pouring so much love into something when the vast majority of people won't even give it two seconds#i love writing but it is also a mentally exhausting craft and people don't seem to acknowledge that for some reason#it's why i try to reblog stuff from my writing mutuals when i see it because it's usually the artwork that gets the least amount of love#anyway just felt like getting that off my chest#i'm sure my fellow writers can commiserate too#i'm not mad or anything i just had thoughts and perhaps voicing them is better then stewing on them i suppose#also i feel bad for not reading more stuff from other people but i've got like zero beans to give atm#no need to worry or anything i'm still gonna keep writing and posting my shit#more vp comin in over the weekend#also god the new tumblr ui for desktop is fucking ugly absolutely atrocious#man i really don't want to have to set up shop on another social media outlet it's tiresome#i don't want to keep up i just want to blog in peace
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agendratum · 1 year
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i keep being like "can't believe these people are friends they don't even like each other" but like i have to admit it makes all the sense
1. rich kids of politicians/influential people, "the golden youth", from what i know usually sticks together basically because they're growing up in the same circle anyway, they know all the same people, go to all the same places, all know each other etc
2. queer people tend to flock as well (at least it seems to be a widely agreed upon fact? i mean from personal experience, my queer friends group aside, in uni we were friends with the only other queer guy there even before i started to like him, at work i also found most of the queer people and stuck with them, even tho, again, some of them were not that likeable to me, but that's just personal experience) it's like, if you're queer, sticking with queer people you don't like that much is still better than sticking with cishet people you don't like that much, if this is making sense
3. they're in the same university, they have the same classes
combining the first two factors with the third one, they just have to stick together, because they don't necessarily have anyone else to stick to and they need somebody, at least until they graduate. it doesn't matter that your friends are shitty assholes who aren't even really your friends, cause at least you have somebody by your side and you know exactly who that is
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dazais-guardian-angel · 6 months
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went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠
#like. to be clear this was the first time i've been literally anywhere but doctor's appointments in 4 years#not just because of the pandemic but because of mental and physical exhaustion#so it was a Big Mistake to go from 0 to 100 and not ease myself into it at all#but at the same time........ it was a fucking hellscape of people. i don't think any kind of buildup could have prepared me for it at all.#it was so much less crowded in 2020 (ironically the very last place i ever went; literally on the BRINK of covid)#and now idk what it's become. a monster con. it was unbelievable.#but i was only there for less than an hour but i was so so so terrified that i very nearly left before even seeing him#i couldn't even fully enjoy meeting him as kind as he was because i was so anxious and distracted#and when i got back to the car i just fucking cried.........#the last five days i've just been sitting in fear waiting to feel Any sort of symptoms#i wore two masks and again was barely there for long but Still#and everyone around me was so chill as if everything was normal and No One was wearing a mask :))))) it's not fucking fair man :)))))#insert the 'they don't know' meme; they don't know how much covid can destroy your body even if you get a 'mild' case#i would never want to be that ignorant even if i wasn't disabled and didn't have reason to worry (but everyone has reason to worry!!!)#but also. ignorance is bliss and it just really fucking sucks man.#it really fucking sucks. why do they get to be happy and enjoying life and not /me?/#why can't i do just ONE thing for myself without having it tainted by anxiety and fear that i'm going to die horribly???#while they get to do fucking EVERYTHING???#if they all just wore masks we could all enjoy ourselves much more comfortably than some of us are now#but no that's too much to ask from people 🙃🙃🙃#shit sucks man. the world sucks. something that should be a happy memory for me was simultaneously the most awful experience#and i don't know how to feel about it now that it's over#he knew that i was afraid and at the end he told me that he hoped to see me again at another event someday#and that made me cry because it felt like dazai telling me to live. and i want to. but i don't know how to when the world is like this now.#i desperately want to be able to see him again someday but right now after how terrifying that was i never want to go to a con ever again..#i wanted to ask him things about the manga and about dazai but i was being rushed and stressed so i couldn't ugh#(and doing that is hard enough anyway cause disability and i have to talk with my phone bahhhh)#at least i was able to give him my note *sigh*
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ganseyandjane · 1 year
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i've been turning a blind eye to it even though i've been aware of it happening for years but it has almost become way worse yet i don't feel like i've done enough to stop it
#long story short my mom almost joined an em el em#because she lost one of her jobs and we need money and she's tired of trying to apply for another and work#she wants to 'work from home' and because she has friends who SEEM to be making a lot of money from it#she's convinced that it's a good move and she could achieve the same#and its just so frustrating because i'm eating food cooked from overpriced pots those friends sold to us years ago#and i still have empty bottles of essential oils that i'm pretty sure were also sold to us by those same friends#and i've known for years that my parents' friends were shilling these things but i didn't know much about the subject#so i didn't want to 'enlighten' my parents on it (especially my mom who's the one actually buying these things)#i couldn't be bothered and its not like they were actually joining any of them#her telling me about this new business they want to start was what did it for me#i'm glad i kept prying before it was too late because there was too many red flags#however she still seems so unconvinced about why its a bad idea... i'm saving our family's finances but she doesn't seem to believe me#even though i do think she won't go through with it#and i'm just worried#those friends are the reason we were able to migrate here#one of them is my brother's godmother#the other one knew both my parents for years before i was even born#i don't want to say bad things about them but i hate that they're influencing my mom this way#idk if they're directly telling her these things or if she's just looking from the outside#i hope she's not too stubborn to just. believe that i have her best intentions. me. her first born child.#ugh idk maybe i should just talk to my dad since apparently he was still skeptical too#im so saaaaaaaad#idk how to help my family aside from taking extra shifts to cover bills ;___;
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love-fireflysong · 1 year
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Blah blah blah I'm a sham blah blah blah terrible person blah blah blah. You've heard all this before so let's just pretend that I've apologized and made promises to be better only to break that promise like next week knowing me. We're all in agreement then? Perfect. Let's just continue then shall we!
That being said, while I would love to do nothing more than share some writing with you all...yeah I ain't got none of that 😅 Ran into a problem like a month ago called 'I decided to watch the owl house and now I'm once again in a new hyperfixation that I've been trying to fight off and have been failing miserably at'. While unlike ud it hasn't inspired me creatively as of yet, it has inspired in me an insatiable need to absorb literally ever bit of fanart and fanfic ever done, and seeing as that fandom is just slightly bigger than until dawn's, it has meant that that's literally all I've been doing the past months oops. So writing has kinda sorta been on the backburner for me sorry 😔 Hell, I only finally just got back the urge to start sewing again just this past week!
And while I would love to say that writing should hopefully pick back up in the near future, just the fact that I apparently have to move AGAIN in the next couple of weeks to a month means its probably not gonna happen 😒
Anyways, seeing as I've at least been able to start doing at least *one* thing creatively again, here's a cross stitch update woo! Except this time you can see what the front of the that pic of the back I shared a couple of hours ago looks like lol.
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sternbilder · 2 years
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@shamisense OH +++++1 HARD SAME
personally I don't mind daily or near-daily contact (since once I settle on a partner my intention long-term is to live with them and have to see them every day anyway), but even with someone I'm dating full-on text conversations every day or a constant asynchronous stream of texts with an expectation for quick reply would get exhausting for me very quickly and was one of the many reasons some of my previous relationships have been absolute nightmares for me
thankfully I think I finally may have met someone who is more my speed but I FEEL you that it's like #therearedozensofus and it's def not always easy to find
fwiw now that it's something I'm hyperaware of I've found that most dates are actually super receptive to talk about this if you just ask directly, like "how often would you prefer to text/call/meet up, and what does that look like for you in the early stages vs. a committed relationship?" it's been kind of very easy to weed out people who were obviously looking for much more frequent communication than I was tbh within like 1-2 dates
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astrxealis · 2 years
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merry christmas !!! :") <3
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celibibratty · 9 days
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It's like Marina said, as bad as the mini fight of that day was, it was necessary, we finally talked about the things we suffered and showed how they also hurt us, and how mom hurts us too, she doesn't understand/doesn't try to understand us, and that's it!, maybe that's just how it is, mom is like that, she's not considerate, she doesn't understand what we suffered indeed
Before that it seems that I/we get it very frustrated with that, even though I didn't admit it, it seems like I wanted her to understand, I/we wanted her approval, but now with this day....we don't need her approval, it's just like that, mom is like that, she'll never understand what we went through, and she's not interested in the things we do indeed, and that's all right, she's just like that, she doesn't understand and she doesn't need to understand, I/we no longer want her to understand and be interested
#reflection#The reason of the mini fight was just that mom started talking about trauma and said that she has afraid of being judged...#We said that we had this fear a lot too but then she question us saying that...#How we have this fear “judged of what?” She said#I snap it what you mean? “Being judged of what?”(Ugh The way she says) I think you forgetting something...#Very important about our life we suffered bullying!! Bullying is basically an phsychologic abuse of judgement💢🔥#We were judged almost our whole life a-and it was in everywhere by people at our age adults kids...#At the english course at school at the street#How dare you say that!!! As if what we being thru was nothing!#I had afraid of going outside I didn't had a voice god and it seems we eventually become a target to judgement just for existing...#People laughed at us i had an anxiety attack almost every day#Are you having amnesia should I get worried? First forget that you liked mine s1fu w0man and now forget that we were victims of bullying...#In a very Young age(these are so unimportant to you that you simply forget)#Then we open up about a very suck day that the school superior screamed at us cuz we didn't find...#People for doing a group project(this story is for another day it was worse than that)well it had a teacher...#That put us in this situation I swear I almost hate this woman till this days cuz of that well mom was saying “ ah it was the teacher job..#She was doing what she has to do?" We fuckin know that it was her job I not saying she was evil I just want you to see how it hurted us...#Marina was the one that fighted more back she said how much frustating it is to open up to mom...#Cuz she always like that she always tries to almost put the blame on us make us understand the other side but NOT OUR SIDE#And we always caring and understanding with her but she is not the same with us that was what marina said...#Then mom just go away crying I guess(I didn't saw my eyes were shut)#Now everybody is okay again time cease those things#....well it was very intense but it was the right thing#I don't understand what mom's being thru and mom don't understand what we being thru....#Cuz we are different people for more similar that “trauma” is we dealt differently....and that's okay we don't need to understand
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blueshykitsune-blog · 17 days
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I want a giant brown bunny... but... but too much!
The only one I found was like $158 USD... it was just about 5 foot tall! It literally was like looking at what I wanted to make but realized I didn't have enough stuffing for!
And one that was like 3 feet tall was $100...
Like yes I know materials and time is money but I can still complain! Why fabric gotta be so much! And so messy! (The ones with faux fur or of the like. Like whyyyyyy!!!!) Also why is cotton and stuffing so much too! And you get enough for maybe only one 2 foot plushie!
(I ran out of tagging space... 30 the limit sadly. But I had more to say but maybe later I'll do a bigger post on that all.)
#I'm complaining.#because why does fun things gotta be so much!!!!!#Honestly though if a person who makes plushies by hand ever wanted to hire someone to just cut and draw the design onto fabric I would do it#or even for clothing. I like cutting things. and I can do it fast.#hence me having like three hand made plushies in a bag#two that are just hanging out#and a pair of pants.#all from 1 full school year worth of time. though in two different school years. and I also wasn't in the one technically but I had no other#class to be at as there was no room elsewhere and I took a bus so I literally could not just skip the bus either and it was the first class.#so I was lucky enough the teacher liked me and knew I was a good student. so actually minus like a week or two as I did sit outside for tw#twoish weeks before my friend practically forced me into their class without being in it on the records.#yeah I enjoyed it as I was allowed to chill... actually minus like 2 additional weeks from both half years. and maybe another 1 week and#that's about how much sewing I did and got all that done. though if you count back in 2020 I did sew a plushie monkey and a face mask...#then before 2020 I did sew like two small pillows. did a slight bit of embroidery... and then when I was like 8 to maybe 10 I sewed a bird#in sometime withing 8-10 and I may have done other sewing too...#damn. I did a lot of sewing compared to what people probably realize. like I sewed by hand and machine yet only embroidered by hand so far.#I'm not really allowed to use the sewing machines at my house sadly. so I only got to use it at school which honestly wasn't for too much#time as I mostly hand sewed everything with some exceptions...#wait I completely forgot I did all those sewing examples! and I had made a skirt... maybe two? and I had to help others with their stuff too#I already knew roughly how to use a sewing machine and well like two of the other students near me needed a lot of help I tried my best#however I did get frustrated but... I feel sorry for the one person as I wasn't really frustrated at them. I was just stressed and...#I tgink they still passed the class... actually that wasn't the only student I helped. qoth my friend's class I helped him and a few of the#nearby students. mainly because the teacher told them they could try coming to me for anything. also because my friend and I knew#I could help them too. however the one thing that was hard for me to sew was sometimes how to fix the issues they had... then again one had#a broken needle and that thing is hard to see unless you know what to look for because it's so tiny. so I did as best as I could.#sometimes they just needed helped threading honestly and well that's why I got frustrated with the one a few times but honestly I was just#worried about not finishing my own project... then when people used my machine... oh how much that urk me. we were assigned machines btw.#I wasn't too angry but I liked that seat and my box of my stuff was there and I don't really know much Spanish and the person sitting there#was spanish speaking so it was hard to communicate... didn't help that I was having a few if my mental troubles and on top of that an issue#with talking to people in general on my own... no I dunno the full reason why so I'm not making judgement calls.
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ame-to-ame · 25 days
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Rereading ayaka is in love with Hiroko senpai!!! Last time I read it I don't think it was finished/I didn't finish it but ack. Now I also want to be in love 😭😭😭
#i want to say i want to be someone like ayaka but in reality im probably more like hiroko#i used to be someone like ayaka. i was really tunnel visioned and i didn't consider much aside from the person i was interested in#but it's been years now and there's a lot more to consider and it's. hard and im even more scared now.#i think there's someone who im currently talking with who's trying to figure out if im into women or not and if im available or not#but it's that sort of thing where there's just. a lot in my shoulders and a lot to consider. i want a relationship eventually but.#there's just so much to consider right now. in the past i thought that as long as i could make my partner happy a rx is just btwn 2 of us#but when i did actually get into a serious long term relationship i realized that most people. do expect getting to have in laws.#people for the most part want to be loved proudly and not have to hide it. and i do too. but at the same time. i just. there's so much on me#i almost came out to my dad the other day while trying to console him. but maybe that news would just be the last straw for him. idk.#i just can't really afford to have my life be shaken up much more right now when i just rebuilt some stability.#especially when my parents are having a midlife crisis and both of them are leaning on me. my health worsening also stressed them out too.#i really thought I'd be braver and have less to worry about the older i got and the more independent i became but. ig not.#in my teens i told myself once i reached adulthood I'd be free to be myself and pursue happiness. in my 20s i tell myself after med school.#maybe once I'm finally out of med school and etc I'll have the opportunity to live my life. or maybe by then there will be another reason.#it's a real concern. i mean. sure I've never wanted kids I've always been ace and I've always liked women but. the societal pressure.#to other queer people the gaydar goes off easily but to the cishet audience i've mostly. been able to go unnoticed.#and when you're younger not having a bf or ppl you're interested in and being focused on your studies is a thing your parents are proud of#but as i get older. it's just been harder. i don't know how much longer i have before i have to conform or have the cat out of the bag.#i don't even get it sometimes. i really don't. the expectation of family and marriage is wanting happiness for your child right? but somehow#idk. idk. i really don't know. sometimes maintaining an image. might be more important than your child's feelings.#and i really can't be certain that between ego and saving face compared to me that. I'll come out on top. i really don't know.#idk. idk. i know there are ppl interested in dating me. but idk. i really need some time to process things through.#sometimes i ask myself how i would feel abt it and i really can't figure out how i feel at all.#it's ok to date someone u don't love ig. i mean. I've done it before. you can make yourself like someone after a while. but idk if i.#idk i just. i think im just really scared. and I'll need at least another month or so before anything is back on the table.#it's honestly just me running away from having to deal with sorting out thoughts and feelings 👍👍👍 which i eventually will have to face ig#but if i do fall in love ik i have it in me to sort those things out quickly i think. if im not too scared to let myself fall.#ig i just have to get more used to ppl being interested in me again ack 😭 it's easy to ignore it when dating someone but. now.#and it was fine in the summer bc i wasn't really around too many ppl my age. but. ugh. unfortunately. i do have. a face and a personality.#delete later
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adreamfromnevermore · 6 months
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AU Where the Justice League forms as usual except for one slight difference where Bruce just so happens to have been the one superheroing for the longest. (Excluding Diana, who got up to it in World War 1 and then mostly didn't while she learned about Man's World)
Bruce helps form the Justice League, ignoring all of the comments as they come to the sudden realization that Gotham's baby cryptid story is actually a man in a very intimidating armored suit who can and will break your arm if you cause problems for him. They are unaware that this is not the first team he's led, and actually he's used to teams full of mostly teenagers who also happen to be his children. This should be easier, this team is primarily adults.
He realizes rapidly that he doesn't understand these people.
His kids take bonding activities to mean learning a dozen different ways to break someones leg. That doesn't fly with these people. And that is most of Bruce's ideas, hell when he was a kid Alfred took every opportunity to get him out of his room and mostly that was with the agreement that Alfred would teach him how to defend himself. He's come by it honestly.
This team is not easier. They have more drama than when his house was actually full of kids. It's insane. He doesn't know what to do with it, usually he just sent the kids to their rooms or grounded them from patrol. That doesn't work here.
He comes to a strange crossroads. That falls apart when he forgets who he's working with and snaps at Hal with a full room of heroes that the next person to throw a punch or an insult without a reason too will be sparring with him.
A long standing rule in the batcave that worked two fold to prevent infighting between the kids and too ensure that they were well and truly trained.
It works wonders. No one says a word out of line for the rest of the debrief. Bruce becomes the unofficial mediator of the league over Clark because anytime he walked in on a fight it suddenly became 10 times more civil out of sheer terror of what he'd do to them in a sparring match.
Eventually they actually meet his kids. Well, one kid.
Half way through a mission (one of the rare ones in Gotham) the Bat comes to a complete stop at the edge of an alley. Every single league member on the team comes to a stop behind him. Slowly from the shadows of the alley a man in a red helmet stalks out to greet them.
"You don't call, you don't write"
"Red Hood."
"Don't Red Hood me! We've been worried sick!"
"I was at the cave last night."
"You didn't answer my texts B. You always answer my texts."
Somehow it ends with big and scary following them through the rest of the mission with a running commentary of how much Bats has let him down in his failure to respond in a timely manner to a text send less than an hour before he ran into them in the alley. It only ends when Red Robin shows up.
And even then it only ends because Hood can't keep himself from throwing a punch and Bruce has to snap at him that if he throws another one they're sparring when they get home.
And by god is Jason giving up the chance to punch his brothers.
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