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#any way to speed run depression???
wildelydawn · 1 year
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Today in therapy, I learned that depression is a disability and that it's okay that I'm not completing work fast enough.
Am I going to remember that tonight/next week when shit hits the fan? Absolutely not. <3
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lxkeee · 7 months
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TWO SIDES OF THE SAME COIN
-PART SIX
Pairing: Lucifer Morningstar x Seraphim Angel! Fem! Reader
Fandom: Hazbin Hotel
Genre: Angst (for now)
Warnings: Depression, swearing and mentions of self h*rm.
Notes: shit is about to go down.
PART ONE | PART FIVE | PART SEVEN | NAVIGATION
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“I don't understand Michael sometimes, I guess it runs in the blood.” The angel of death muttered underneath his breath, Azrael sighs, running his hand through his dark black locks, feeling the soft strands of his hair in-between his fingers. He is annoyed, annoyed at how Michael didn't leave any room for [Y/n] to say no. Sure, Michael did make a bargain that if she wins rock-paper-scissors against him, he'll change his decision but [Y/n] sucks at rock-paper-scissors so she didn't have any chance of winning in the first place. Well, he guessed that this is Michael's way of winning against [Y/n] as the man is absolute shit when it comes to Monopoly.
Azrael is confused, why does Michael want [Y/n] to see her good for nothing husband? Azrael asked him about it and the man just told him to trust him, as it is what their dear creator has told him. He is confused why Michael is really pushing [Y/n] to see his twin brother. Azrael asked the man about it and he just looked away with a sad smile. Azrael knew how much it affected Michael that his twin brother was casted out of heaven. Despite him being one of the angels who voted for him to be casted out. Azrael knew how much of a tough decision Michael made. But still,
Bullshit. Absolute bullshit.
Azrael trusts God on his decision but he doesn't know if the outcome of this will be good, Azrael has been by [Y/n]'s side ever since Lucifer was being a neglectful asshole and he heard that the fallen angel got married again when in hell. How is he going to accept that his dear friend is going to get hurt again? Azrael knows how much pain Lucifer caused [y/n], how much pain it brought to Xavier. Goodness! He saw the poor boy trying to stab his own face with his own angelic weapon, thankfully he was there to stop him.
Azrael's shoulders slumped, already feeling more stressed than usual. He is worried, so worried about [Y/n]'s mental state as he knows how fragile it is. He knows how much shit she's going through, she's constantly trying to help cleanse earth from the constantly growing evil while maintaining to be kind and to add more to her plate, she has a son to take care of and now... She's about to take care of whatever the fuck is happening on hell?
His feet quickened its pace, speed walking the long hallways of the Seven Heavenly Virtues building, trying to reach [Y/n]'s floor and office, he would've immediately checked up on her after the meeting but he had some important matters to deal with and he prays that the poor girl didn't have a mental breakdown again. Which somehow, he feels like she already did. He hopes that he's wrong though.
His heels clicked against the gold marbled white tiles, rays of sunlight passing through the curtains giving the hallway an orange glow from the setting sun.
He finally reached her office, knocking against the wooden door. No answer. He sighs rather loudly. He knocks again. No answer.
“[Y/n]? It's me, Azrael. Are you alright?” He asked softly, pressing his ear against the door to listen if she answered him. None. He became worried.
Grabbing the spare key that he has—he has a key to everyone's room and office, don't ask how and why he has them. Anyways, inserting the key to the lock, twisting it and he finally heard the satisfying click.
He quickly pushed open the door, his worried and tensed shoulders relaxing once he finally saw her, asleep on her desk. Her head on the table, her body slouched uncomfortably.
He could see the tear stains on her cheeks, golden blood from her fingers. A rather bad habit of hers, she tends to pick the skin off the side of her nails when she's stressed and sometimes causes it to bleed.
Azrael smiled softly, allowing himself inside her office. He closed and locked the door behind him before he tiptoed across the room and finally beside her.
He kneeled down beside her so he's now face-to-face to her. Azrael admired her sleeping face, he loves it when she's at peace like this. He wants her to be happy. His eyes saddened, oh how he wished to give her the happiness she deserves. But it's truly unfortunate that she doesn't love him the same way he loves her.
Always the side character, never the romantic interest.
With a sigh, he gently lifted her up from her seat. Carrying her in his arms like a bride that he'll never have the chance to call as his.
[Y/n] groans when she felt that she was lifted off from her chair, she opened one to look at the person who woke her up. She saw Azrael looking down on her with an amused smirk.
“Come on, let's get you back to your room. You need some rest.” he says softly to her and she just groaned and he chuckled. A black and gold portal opened behind them and Azrael stepped inside with [Y/n] in his arms. The portal closed after they went in.
Azrael opened the portal back to her house and back to her room, he gently laid her on the bed. Making sure she didn't lie on her hair. Tucking her in comfortably.
“I don't know what I'll do without you, Azi... I wished that I could've loved you instead. I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry.” she whispered, her voice breaking. She really wished that she fell in love with Azrael, he treated her and Xavier far better than Lucifer does but her heart remained still with Lucifer. Why? Why? WHY?! Why can't she fall in love with a perfect man that is in front of her but continue to love a man that is far away from her and probably doesn't give two shits about her and their son?
Azrael's eyes softened, a forced smile on his face. He tucks away a strand of her hair that is falling in front of her face, tucking it behind her ear. I really wished that too, I can treat you far better than him, is what he thought but decided not to say, “Don't apologize sweetheart, you really can't force a heart to reciprocate someone's feelings, no? And I can understand that. How about you take some rest and clear your mind hmm?” he suggested softly with a small smile, wiping away the tear that runs down her cheek. [Y/n] nodded, hiccuping slightly before eventually closing her eyes.
She was fast asleep the moment she did.
Azrael smiled and sighed, turning around on his heel as he walked out of her room, closing the door behind him. Walking away from someone he's not meant to be with. He just hoped that whatever God is doing is right.
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Time flew by so quickly that [Y/n] didn't even notice, she was far too busy dealing with both Heavenly and Mortal realm matters. The root of evil is constantly growing and getting even more powerful on earth and the Seven Heavenly Virtues are trying to contain it. All seven of them were exposed to such horrors and so much evil while on earth, slowly threatening to consume them or even corrupt them.
[Y/n] limped back to her office in heaven, golden blood flowing off her side. She just finished her work on earth, she was trying to cleanse a root of evil when it suddenly changed direction and changed its direction towards her in immense speed and causing it to pierce her side. She managed to cut it down but the negativity from the root seeped into her wound, causing her healing powers to slow down.
She winced as she finally slumped down into her seat, hovering her hand over her wound, a golden glow radiating from her palm. The wound slowly closed, but not fully but enough that she can bandage it up. But the healing took too much of her energy and she felt she was about to pass out.
She opened one of the drawers of her desk, pulling out a medical kit and began treating her wounds. She winced as she tried to clean it. After so much struggle, she finally cleaned her wound.
[Y/n] leaned against her chair, almost passing out when her eyes landed on to the calendar that is in her office. Her eyes widened, “Today is the extermination day?!” she shrieked and quickly stood up from her seat, she hissed as pain quickly shot from her waist all throughout her body. She gripped into the table, her nails scratching the wood.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck... I forgot about that.” she muttered, trying to stabilize herself, “I hope I can stop Adam and the exorcists..” she muttered, pain still evident in her voice. Running her hands through her hair. Gripping into her locks in frustration.
Ah crap, I hope I don't pass out. She thought as she weakly opens a portal to hell. Composing herself before finally stepping inside the portal.
The first thing she noticed is Adam spewing out shit from his mouth, the hotel she heard about now destroyed, exorcists killing sinners. Anger fills her veins, her six wings puffing behind her and along with multiple eyes opened on her wings. She's beyond pissed, the audacity these angels have to perform an act without notice from the higher ups. Without thinking she summoned her second angelic weapon, a bow and arrow. Aiming it just beside Adam—a warning shot. Successfully catching his and the other's attention.
“Adam, respectfully please shut your mouth!” She ordered, her voice booming, glaring down on the people on the ground, specifically at the first man. She's far too angry to keep her attention on the back of her husband or ex-husband. There's a limit to how much an angel of kindness and healing can take, and unfortunately for Adam, this is Angel Raphael's breaking point.
“Because if you don't, I will personally kill you myself.” She sneered, her hand clenching tightly on to her bow, her fingers itching to fire another arrow and just finish the man.
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“No... You don't get to end this.” Adam growled in pain, weakly standing up from the rubble of where he crashed, “I'm fucking Adam! I'm the fucking man!” he yelled, turning to look at Lucifer in anger, “And you're just some fucking clown or something!” Adam growled and Lucifer just stared at the man with a deadpan expression, not really paying attention.
“I started everything on earth! All of mankind came from these fucking nuts!” Adam exclaimed. They just stared at the man who's clearly pissed at the fact he lost.
Suddenly, an arrow shot just beside Adam, barely missing the first man. The golden arrow embedded on to the ground. Silence, as people were filled with awestruck. Adam was filled with fear.
“Adam, respectfully please shut your mouth!” A female voice boomed, her powerful and authoritative voice echoing in to the air. Goosebumps danced across Lucifer's skin, he knows that voice. The very voice that he didn't hear for so many years, the voice that kept haunting him. The haunting and guilt worsened after Charlie told him he had a son in heaven.
They turned around and looked up at the sky to see a very furious seraphim glaring down on them—specifically on the first man, Adam.
Lucifer's eyes were glued on her, she's so close yet so far away.
He admired her angelic form, he can practically feel her authority and power from where he stood. Despite all of this, despite how absolutely terrifying she looked. Her beauty never really scared him. She looked as beautiful as the day he lost her when he fucked up.
“Because if you don't, I will personally kill you myself.” [Y/n] added, her eyes glaring down on Adam, her power and strength can be felt through the air and they can tell that she is absolutely furious.
“Oh shit.” Adam muttered underneath his breath. His boss' boss is here.
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END NOTES: SURPRISE UPDATE 🤯🤯 ANYWAYS, AZRAEL STANS HOW ARE WE FEELING TONIGHT?
TAGLIST I:
@valerie-36 @blackbleedingrose @adaizel @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx @thedarkkitten @selvyyr @froggybich @brithedemonspawn @kottenox @totallymitya @many-fandoms-lover @dou-dou @mezzyb0nb0n @n1chxyaaenthusiast @cherry-4200 @koirb @galaxyj3lly @crystalplays28 @luleck @scootinonyourmom @rory-cakes @mixplara @crescent-z @bitchyzombienacho @kalisha2004 @altervex @nehy019 @napbatata @kouyoumarryme @sxgacxbe @kooidoom @ok-boke @random-3455 @izzieg3987 @snoozewritezz @dreamzaremyrealityy @hcneyiced @witchbunny1210 @ghostdoodlen @aikobakugou @just-here-reading @dzhanett-blog @des-deswain5621 @cocomollo @haleypearce @onyxstarhigh06 @nirvana5874 @shaebutter-baby
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Tethered Bonds
✽ Poly 141 x f!reader (Omegaverse AU)
A lucky stroke of fate led you right into the arms of your alpha soulmates. But is it everything you dreamed it would be or just the continuation of a nightmare?
Main Masterlist ✽ Ao3
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°•. ✿ .•°.•° ✿ °•.°•. ✿ .•°.•° ✿ °•.°•. ✿ .•°
✽ Part Three - Deja vu
Remember when I said this was supposed to be the easy side project made of easy to consume chapters that was supposed to be easy on my brain? Oh the way life throws a wrench in things.
Apologies for the wait but thank you for the patience! A bit longer of a chapter this time (almost double the length) because if you also read my other fic you'll know I have a moderation problem :)
Trigger warnings: angst, depression
Time converted its seconds into a slow-motion camera, capturing the hectic moment as a series of shutter clicks in your mind. Rich earthy elixirs trapped like icicles in a frozen pour from heated spouts. Spare precious change suspended in mid-air spilled from jittery hands. A systolic heartbeat waiting to finish its rhythm. An overplayed Christmas jingle with the record player set to the lowest speed. 
How did you not pick up on the telltale signs sooner? It wasn’t as if this was a first occurrence for you anymore. Precious moments of escape wasted daydreaming of warm comfort when it could’ve been spent backpedaling to the safety of your vehicle. Even more insulting when you considered how perceptive you’d been not ten minutes prior, untrusting of your nose to keep you from trouble in the supermarket bakery, head on a dizzying swivel for any more unwanted surprises.
Yet here you were again, betrayed by the very caffeine that was supposed to be your savior, too slow to duck back out the shop before your scent had a chance to reach his nostrils. 
Now you were pinned in place by a complete stranger who had no business smelling that edible.
Pupils blown wide mirrored your own. Blue irises framed by full lashes contrasted against a faded tan that spoke of time spent abroad in warmer climates. Dark brown hair shorn close on the sides peaked into a mussed up mohawk, slightly damp from melted snow and tousled by the wind. Your eyes unfocused to take in the body belonging to the man - shifting lower, past slightly parted lips greedily inhaling your scent and a craggy chin scar encircled by a dusting of dark stubble. 
A deep brown leather bomber jacket stretched tight across broad shoulders only a few shades darker than his hair, upturned against the elements and protecting a tree trunk neck, accented along the trim by matching tufts of a lighter insulating sherpa. A hint of medium wash jeans caught in your periphery, unable to glance further at the lower portion of his body, too encapsulated by the cosmic force that kept you snared within his gaze.
The back of your neck prickled with the knowledge that whatever was passing between you in the charged space across the checkerboard tiles was a transient mirage at best and a dangerous amalgam of broken aspirations at most. That grim lesson had been embedded into your retinas the hard way– 
No matter how potent the connection, this man was not yours. 
You shouldn’t be here. You should not be here.
The alpha didn’t miss the way you transferred your weight onto your back leg. Predatory focus latched onto the subtle way you shifted, instincts preparing behind barely contained canines. You’d accidentally triggered something; a millennia’s worth of ingrained primality overriding the structured norms of good societal behaviour. Like an old timey saloon, it was an overstrung standoff to see whose will would break first.
Your need to run outweighing his need to possess. 
Eyes narrowed slightly, he pointed right at you with a warning look. In a rough brogue, “Don't…”
You didn't listen.
“Hey hey hey–!” 
It was all too familiar now - this choreographed dance of avoiding uncomfortable affairs instead of facing them head on, ignoring the startled clamor of bewildered customers as you darted past a group of unsuspecting teenagers through the narrowing gap of the cafe door.
Nearly bowling an elderly couple over in your haste to escape, you fumbled out a half-hearted apology as you skidded around the next corner with a high pitched squeak, losing traction on the glassy ice in your well-worn snow boots and catching yourself on a vintage lamp post that you used like a springboard to gain a few precious milliseconds of a head start. 
This was twice in two days now that you’d undergone a fateful encounter the majority of the population could only dare dream of. And here you were bolting from destiny like a frazzled rabbit scurrying helplessly through the underbrush from what should have been your savior.
What the hell kinda luck was this?! And why did it have to choose now of all times?!
The door flung open only moments after, the previously innocent bell chime now a harbinger of doom. Heavy footfalls slapped through the condensed slush of snowfall. Something feral rose up in the presence of a hunter in pursuit of his quarry. 
There was something on your tail, and it felt far more intimidating than a starving wolf leering at his lunch.
Your pulse was bellowing in your ears, weaving through the conglomerated foot traffic as best you could with a body not prepared for a long winded chase. A hot poker stitched your side and hobbled your gait. Frost coated your lungs with every ragged inhale, sapping what little breath capacity you had and crippling until you were little more than a wounded mammal, panicky and acting on pure foolish adrenaline. The rational part of your brain spoke of the futility against someone his size, the brief glimpse afforded to you of his stocky frame earlier proof that your alpha was capable; well fed, sculpted for survival, muscles made of endurance and stamina. 
Everything desired in a good mate, the back of your mind unhelpfully supplied.
Long strides ate up the distance, navigating the pavement far more sure footed than you.
“Bleedin’ Christ!” growled out the voice. “Will ye jus’– wait!”
The firm grip on your bicep rather than his frustrated words was what halted you in your tracks. The slippery slush beneath your feet gave way to an involuntary squeak as another hand snapped out to steady your skidding, keeping you from tucking ass over tea kettle. Heavy breaths turned visible in the frigid winter air as you panted from exertion, sucking in a heady mixture of espresso and chilled vapors that fogged up your mind and muddled your senses. 
Fuck, he smelled good.
A gloved hand shuffled you further out of the way from the crowds of passersby, huddling beneath a shopkeeper's veranda, muffled conversation from the building’s interior a muted buzzing compared to the ringing in your ears. He shifted so as to take the brunt of the whipping winds on his back, sheltering you from the worst of it and allowing you to blink clear the stinging snowflakes from your eyes.
Although you never really stood any substantial chance of escape, there was still something surreal to be said about standing toe to toe with an alpha outside your family circle. He beheld you with the same wide eyed stare you gawked at him with, pupils stuck in a constant state of dilation as he huffed in your shared air, just as drunk off his scent match as you were. At this proximity, even the outside breeze wasn’t enough to dampen the waves of pheromones spiking like heated tesla coils between you. Unlike you, he found it in him to scrounge together just enough self control to soften his stance and manage a relaxed smile your way.
“There now, lass.” His words weren’t winded in the slightest, something that petulantly annoyed you in your weakened state - even if the accented baritone of his vibrato was soothing the consternation from your veins. “See? No need fer misbehavin’.”
There was an obvious gentling to his tone; something placating with an edge of sternness that felt at odds with his choice of haircut. Blue orbs roamed your face as if he half expected you to collapse on him, no longer holding on to you but keeping a readied hand hovering in case your shaky legs gave way. Truthfully - with how you were still sucking in breaths - you weren’t quite sure his assistance wouldn't be needed.
“Christ, LT was right about ye. Got a scent that can skelp a man flat on his arse.”
Even in your current state he must’ve judged you steady enough to maintain balance, despite still keeping the rigid preparedness in his shoulders as his hands sought a place in denim pockets. “Got a habit fer runnin’, dontcha?”
The capability of speech was all but lost to you, tongue cemented to the roof of your mouth and dry as a wilted prune abandoned on the vineyard soil. You’d at least managed the bare minimum of appearing less like a beached guppy by snapping your jaw shut, but the snicker from his lips at whatever he found while searching your face revealed your inadequacy to mask as a functioning human.
Azure eyes sparkled with mirth. “I ken I’m a looker, hen, but I ‘ave tae say it’s been a while since I’ve left a bonnie lass like yerself truly speechless. Strokin’ my ego a bit, ye are.”
“Your coffee…”
The first words you say to the man of your dreams and all you can think of is his wasted cup left unoccupied on the counter.
“Eh, it’s only a drink.” His shoulder’s finally loosened with a shrug. “More concerned about yers. Not tae make ye feel bad, lass, but ye’re lookin’ a wee bit peckish if I can say.”
So your mirror liked reminding you every morning. 
You waved him off on instinct, not needing the alpha to start concerning himself with your health. Not like there was much either of you could do about it. “It’s fine. Shouldn't be spending the money anyways.”
He wasn’t satisfied with that answer, raising an eyebrow at your justifiably frazzled appearance, but choosing not to question it just the same.
“Gonna be honest, lass. Wasn't exactly expectin’ ta bump into ya.”
You could tell by the bite marks on another woman’s neck.
No. Stop it girl. That’s not fair to him.
You shoved back the bitter taste of jealousy, forcing a smile you both knew was awkward. “Yea… what are the odds…”
“Mind ye, when the others mentioned their wee run-in with ye at the shop the other night I ken’d there was a chance– Christ, when Cap’n finds out the…” His words carried on, but you stopped processing them beyond a certain point in his ramblings, focusing more on the melody as it slowly faded to the background. There was a lilt to his speech that didn’t quite fit the occasion - at least to you. A restrained awe; measured happiness so as not to overwhelm you right off the bat with unbridled emotion. 
Part of you was thankful for his careful insight considering the delicate nature of the situation. But even so, the squiggly edges of his personality felt forcefully crammed into an elaborate puzzle rather than fitting naturally into a predetermined space.
You should be thrilled to be having this conversation. Things should be clicking and the world should make sense and his voice should be songbirds twittering in your ear on a beautiful summer’s day without a cloud in the sky and…
All you can hear is the man in a blue camry honking at the lady jaywalking in front of his car, the squeal of halted tires and shouted insults from hot spilled coffee across his lap. The poor woman on the corner shaking a can of loose pennies in hopes of a two dollar meal from the shop down on 7th Ave. Dogs barking at strangers and high heels clacking on wet slushy pavement. 
Overstimulation hits you hard, leaving you incapable of making out anything but the shapes of his mouth without any of the feedback. His voice muffles despite only the foot distance between you, and try as you might you have no idea what’s causing that smile on his face. For all you know he could be just as easily discussing the week's snowy forecast or reciting Chaucer like those lunatics on the steps outside the performing arts college. 
The nagging presence makes itself known in the back of your mind, adding to the chaos plugging your senses and making the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end in a way that has nothing to do with the chill. The disgruntled alpha half a country away calls to your fraying nerves, taking advantage of your weakened mentality and twisting like a gnarled root around your windpipe. You disguise the full body trembles with a forced shiver, the restlessness of your fingers giving in to the urge to claw at your mating mark, hiding the motion by readjusting your scarf more securely and clearing your throat. A cold sweat breaks out underneath the insulating layers of warmth, adding to the already miserable conditions of the snowy bluster. There’s only so much more you can take before you split apart at the threads and reveal to the stranger just how rotted your insides were.
You needed to end the interaction.
“Look–” you interrupt his languid tirade, voice barely holding steady and as timid as a field mouse, mittened palm up to keep him from going any further and stunning him into silence. “You don’t have to do this. This kinda thing just… doesn’t happen to normal people. I’m not gonna hold anything against you when it was a one in a billion chance of us ever crossing paths. You have your life and I have mine.”
Something hard caught in your throat and gummed up your words, threatening to crawl into your lungs and make a permanent home if you focused on it for too long - gave it too much power. You hoped he didn’t see the way you forced yourself to push through. “Let’s just… be adults, acknowledge that it happened, and go about our day as if we were two strangers passing by on the street. No expectations, no mess. ‘Kay?”
Clearly not envisioning that reaction now that he’d finally gotten his paws on you, something in his look tightened at being told ‘no’. “Hardly seems fair.”
Who was he to know ‘fair’?
“And what about us?” he continued with an unexpected bite. “Ye think we can jus’ ignore the fact that our scent match is wanderin’ about somewhere in the city unguarded and at risk of bein’ hurt or– or taken?”
You could almost taste the self satisfaction flaring across the tainted bond, fighting back a wave of nausea and bristling at the emotional wound he unknowingly gut punched.
“And your omega?” You watched him flinch at the obvious retort, both hating and relishing in his discomfort at having reality thrown back in his face. At least you both knew there was an element of betrayal lingering beneath the surface. “You really want her to have to come home every day with you smelling like another woman? Your fated woman? Do you realize the damage that’ll cause not just to her but to your mating bonds?”
In a perfect world, this whole encounter would be different. He’d say hi, you’d give him your most winning smile. The two of you would go back to the cafe and he’d pay for your coffee. You'd sit across from each other with stars in your eyes, getting to know the ins and outs of their soul for however much time your schedules allowed, blowing off prior commitments in favor of lyrical words dancing sugar plums around your head. Numbers would be exchanged and you’d both part ways feeling lighter and hopeful and impatiently waiting for the start of the next exciting chapter.
God, you hated fairy tales. 
The alpha was clearly frustrated at how the conversation was playing out, scratching a rough hand through his mohawk with a groaned out hiss, eyes darting around empty space as a grimaced mouth searched for the right words. “Look, lass. The four of us–” 
Four. There were four of them. Four mates. 
“–aren’t gonna stop worryin’, not now that we ken ye’re within reach and without a pack of yer own.” Blue eyes skimmed downwards trying to peer beyond the veil of your scarf, flicking back up to your face when he failed, searching for a sign that you remain unmated as he suspects by your reactions thus far. 
Glancing off to the side, you avoid his gaze and focus on the piles of brown snow gathered along the curb, not trusting yourself to keep a straight face under his careful scrutiny. He must take your avoidance as confirmation, returning to the conversation at hand.
“Alright, yea. We’ve already bonded another. Nothin’ tae be done about it now and there’s no use bawlin’ o’er what might ‘ave been. But if ye think that's gonna stop us from tryin’ tae be a part of yer life then yer sorely mistaken.” 
There’s an endearing quality to his convictions - as misguided as you believe them to be. So sure of himself, reflected in the take-no-objections posture and firm set of his brows. All confident alpha bravado. 
A small part of you keens at his certitude, recognizing it on a primal level and wanting to bask in the commanding presence your– the alpha provides. But those same instincts that scream at you to welcome his protective nature also serve as a reminder of why that could never work.
There’s a reason packs only keep one omega. While alphas are stereotyped as being the possessive pigheaded brutes who covet your kind like unstable beasts, everyone knows there is none so fierce as a territorial omega, baring her teeth to encroaching females without a moment’s hesitation to defend. It’s not like you’re the worst sorts of overly attached pack mates though. Society wouldn't be able to function if an omega snapped every time they all came within three feet of each other. 
But to have the two coexisting within the same ecosystem fighting over the affections of the same alphas…
If the heartbreak wouldn’t kill them, the blood on their teeth will.
The fact that he’s trying to send all that flying out the window is both impressive and infuriating in its stubbornness. 
Your own voice is far more subdued as you fidget with the hem of your coat. “That’s not how this is supposed to work…”
“Oh aye? Turnin’ down gaggles of soulmates jus’ a light Saturday mornin’ fer ya then?”
Despite the dour mood, you huffed in something akin to levity at his words, feeling some of that tension unreel from your bones in the face of the small upward curve of his lips that accompanied them. “If I say yes will that convince you to throw in the towel?”
Enchanting eyes sparked with determination and something playful. “Hate to break it tae ya, lass, but we’re a right stubborn bunch o’ blokes.”
“And her?” 
Cerulean eyes hardened again. “We’ll sort that out between us.” 
A leather covered arm reaches out to guard your left side, a firm body stepping into your space to block you from a passing beta encroaching too close on your private conversation. You don’t miss the slight rumble in his chest given as a warning to the traipsing man, the subtle growl claiming this spot and two of you in it, an intimidating scowl berating him for nearly knocking into you because of it. It catches you off guard, unconsciously leaning into the alpha's safety from the unaware intruder, the heady scent of freshly ground coffee beans permeating his clothes and coating you in a fresh pot to ease your delicate nerves.
It takes the two of you a moment to separate despite both of you knowing the ‘threat’ is gone; and even then the amount of space between is kept minimal at best. It’s hard to deny the pull molecularly chaining you to this man whose pheromones are carving out spaces in the cracks between the marrow like rapids, filling the pock marked gaps and branding your existence as something completely different than it was before. 
The structural fibers in your body are being split in half like colliding atoms in a particle accelerator. It’s a molecular tug of war between listening to ancestral instincts imploring you to stay with the protective alpha and past emotional trauma begging you not to give in to complicated matters of the heart. You’ve been hurt once before by someone of his kind and the last thing you needed was to punt yourself all the way back to square one when it had taken you so long to reach this part of your healing journey. 
You know where that path leads. There’s nothing waiting for you but despair.
Unknowing or lacking regard for your internal struggle, the alpha surprises you by shifting his arm to sprawl across your shoulder, a gentle but unrelenting force ushering you back in the direction you’d originally come running from, the deceptively casual grip brokering no room for argument. “Now, what’s say we make up fer scarin’ ye earlier with that cup of caffeine ye were gantin’ after, eh?” 
Maybe if you’d possessed a stronger will you might’ve opened your mouth to protest his commanding treatment over you. Instead, nestled close to his body and tucked in tight against his shoulder, he was gentleman enough not to comment on the small whiff you snuck on your way back to the cafe.
The soft instrumentals playing festive tunes over the cafe speakers were an appreciated break from the harsh monotony of whirring kitchen equipment. Depictions of snowmen and candy canes painted artistically on the inside glass celebrated the joyous season. Evergreens and mistletoe; frozen fractals falling from white fluffy clouds. A veritable winter wonderscape - the natural frost accumulated on the outside only adding to the weathering effect. 
Red and green twinkle lights hung strewn across overhead support beams. Garlands with small plastic ornament bobbles snaked around the insides of display cases. An electric votive nestled cozily in miniature wreaths and placed at every table flickered warmly for an added ambience to the already welcoming interior.
The holiday decorations had been up since Thanksgiving, but you’d never taken a moment to really notice them, too focused on the transactional exchange and the time on your phone to give it more than a passing glance of acknowledgement. Fidgeting in your seat, it was a welcome distraction.
You’d been ushered towards one of the secluded tables upon returning to the cozy cafe, your companion either ignorant or uncaring of the odd glances tossed your way by those still inside who witnessed your previous outburst. You kept your head ducked from the initial embarrassment, blood heating your face as he helped you out of your coat and slung it over the back of your chair, making sure you were settled before sauntering off towards the register to place the drink order you’d rattled off. 
While he stood distracted at the counter amongst a sea of waiting customers, one of the older baristas with a candy cane apron discreetly tried to flag down your attention, meticulously cleaning one of the espresso machines with a soiled napkin purposefully tilted away from his view. 
The words in scribbled sharpie pointed your way: ‘You ok?’
Touched by her concern, you gave her a surprisingly genuine smile despite your jittery insides, easing her enough to pass along a thumbs up as she goes back to working on whatever festive drink concoction the lady at the drive thru has deigned to torture her with. It was kind of her to look after you given the strangeness of the day. But against what should be all rational thought you trusted the man who was for all intents a complete stranger.
Here’s to hoping life didn’t pair you with a serial killer.
Shaking your head of such nonsense (hopefully), it took you a moment to recall the last time you gave yourself permission to linger somewhere. With the exception of the hour spent every week in Dr. Miranda’s office, you avoided congregating in public spaces for more than the few minutes it took to get in, get out, and return to the safety of your abode. Crowds made you skittish; the abused animal inside burrowed deep within your rib cage voicing its objections and reflecting its displeasure in the way it made you outwardly twitch. Once upon a time even stepping foot in a place like this - enclosed, swirling with clashing aromas, a singular point of escape - seemed like such an unattainable goal. Even now the awareness of the situation caused your agoraphobia to writhe under your skin, poisoning like fire ant venom and tempting your lungs into anaphylactic shock. 
Deep breaths, girl. In… out… in… out… let it wash over you… inhale… exhale… 
You are safe. You are safe. You are– 
Like nails on a chalkboard, the scratching of wood against ceramic jostled you from your meditative process, an involuntary yelp met with a small grin of apology as the imposing alpha placed your own drink in front of you before taking up residence in the open seat across. Something about the setting exacerbated his already potent smell, mixing with the sweetness of the beverages and leaving you with a deep gnawing ache to lean across the table and drink it straight from the source.
The tide of anxiety receded back to the depths of your mind, your inner omega settling in the presence of your scent match. Even if you couldn’t escape the dark presence prowling like a half-starved panther on the other end of the bond, the natural relief that came with sitting three feet away from your opposite designation had you breathing steadier than you had since leaving therapy a short while ago. You may not be entirely comfortable with this predicament, but at least the attention came with a few built in perks. 
The fake candle in the center highlighted the limited edition designs on your respective drinks, but it’s the name scrawled in sparkly black sharpie that catches your attention on his disposable cup. “MacTavish?”
“John,” he confirms, “pleasure ta meet ya, lass. Though I s’pose tha’s how I should’ve started things out in the first place. With, ya know… manners.”
“Not like I made introductions easy for us…” you mumbled with a wince, tracing over the cafe’s symbol on your cup as a small distraction from having to make eye contact at the admission.
“Aye, ye didn’t. But I cannae fault ye fer havin’ a sense of self preservation starin’ down a big burly Scotsman, now can I?” 
It had been moreso about running from your problems than being outright intimidated by the man, but you weren’t about to question his assumption and open up a whole new can of worms in the process. “Right...”
There was a brief pause as he stared at you expectantly, hoping you’d return the favor now that he’d taken that first step with an official greeting. Something about offering up even that little part of yourself scared you though. It felt like handing over power to the fae folk; like once he knew your name he could strip the autonomy from your spirit and ensnare you forever in his enchanted domain.
Instead, you took a sip from the hot liquid in your hands, soothed by the syrupy blend like a steady palm rubbing lines down your back. Not nearly as good as the earthy bouquet your nose had been sampling with every inhale. Maybe if you’d added a pump of caramel…
You fought desperately to ignore the part of your brain that whispered comparisons to the rich espresso-y figure across the way, stopping any and all sidetracking towards scandalous thoughts of a more private taste testing. 
This was not the time for slick inducing fantasies.
Once he realized he wouldn’t receive an echoing answer, he mirrored you with his own brew, humming in approval at whatever pleasant taste he found and dropping the subject temporarily. Thankful he didn’t push, you read further down on his own drink, unable to help the small scoff of surprise after reading the incriminating label.
“A sugar cookie latte? Not the most masculine of drinks, is it?” You’re not sure where you found the courage to softly tease him over his beverage of choice. Clearly his heavy alpha pheromones were messing with your logic receptors. “Thought your kind liked to keep things dark and bitter.” 
“I'm an alpha, lass. Chasin’ after sweet smellin’ omegas is what we do fer fun.” There was a sparkle there that hinted towards your earlier predicament, a not so subtle implication combined with his cheeky grin that reassured you it was all good natured. You at least had the decency to duck your head abashedly, face heating up from more than just the warming drink. “Kinda gives us a wee proclivity fer honeyed tastes.”
Honestly, he had a point. Can’t say you’d ever thought of it that way before. I mean, seriously. Whoever said alphas needed to be gritty when they came naturally ingrained with a sweet tooth?
“Guess that’s why she smells like chocolate.”
Your lips formed the words without thought, something mean tugging at you the same time he did. Nails bite into the recycled coffee sleeve like sharpened teeth, taking out the urge to scratch on the poor item rather than call attention to the scarf still secured around your neck. Couldn’t even get through a normal outing without him adding his two cents to the mix.
A hard tap on the tabletop called your attention back to John. You’d maybe expected an affirming response, but what you don't expect is to find him staring at you from across the table with a suddenly serious expression, speaking to you in an almost chiding manner. “I'd rather ye didn’t bring up sore spots to intentionally cause yerself pain.”
He didn’t allow you to hide, his face moving in tandem with yours as you attempted to duck his gaze, the blunt observation leaving you sheepish as you worried your bottom lip. 
“...can't avoid the conversation forever.”
“Aye. But the least we can do is get ta know each other first.”
That genuinely puzzled you. “Why?”
Even through the bulk of his winter coat you could see the way the material stretched to make way for his biceps as he crossed them over his chest, leaning back in his seat as he regarded you with easy going eyes. “Yer my scent match, lass. Ye think I'm not o’er ‘ere stewin’ in a fruity cocktail wishin’ I’d ‘ave taken ye tae a juice bar instead?”
Your face heated again at the implication. Seems his own thought pattern wasn’t too terribly dissimilar to the wiley suggestions pawing at your psyche with scintillating ideas of debauchery. “Wouldn't go that far...”
“Got no shame in admittin’ yer drivin’ me up the wall.”
He really didn’t, did he? 
“Not sure you should be saying things like that.”
“Probably.” He shrugged nonchalantly. “Ne’er been one fer followin’ rules though. Doesnae make sense when we're both wantin’ the same thing.”
You examined him over the rim of your cup, forearm resting on the sticky laminate as you leaned in closer, almost imploring in your tone. “Isn't that just further proof we shouldn't even be talking right now?”
Taking a sip of his own, he brushed off your concerns like a piece of lint from his sleeve. “Ye really think ye can jus’ wipe yer hands and forget about us?”
Silence laid thick in the air between you. There was no point denying when he felt every bit the earth-rattling gravity well that had the two of you touching toes beneath the table. 
He didn’t even bother trying to hide the smugness from his expression. “Exactly. I may not be takin’ ye ta my bed, lass, but yer mine nonetheless.”
You shouldn't have liked the way that sounded. For the past four years of your life you’ve been unwilling property to a man holding you confined in a secret realm of bleak oblivion. You’ve begged and pleaded through every starless sky to go back to being the woman you were before fate intervened, desperate for peace in an internal war. All you ever wanted was freedom; to bound over mountains and soar across fields. To scrape off the layers belonging to him and build castles in the clouds far beyond his reach.
Yet here you were thanking the maker of scent wicking panties that your match couldn’t detect the perfume wafting up between your legs at the thought of him staking his claim over you.
“So,” he went on, “we figure out a way tha’ we can be in yer life that doesnae cross any boundaries and ye gain four brutes that'll gladly shank a man fer ya.”
You raise an eyebrow at his choice of wording before taking a sip from your cup. “Sounds a tad extreme if you ask me.”
Canines gleaming, the look he sends you is downright carnivorous. “Oh, yer in fer a spell, lass.”
Chatter turns to small talk in an effort to distract you from the discomfort of previous conversation. Turns out he’d drawn the short straw when he and his pack mates realized over piles of paperwork and exhaustive meetings that certain individuals who would not be named - but he’d been more than happy to throw under the bus - hadn’t checked some things off their list while out doing a routine grocery run the other night. Seems like the previous two you’d met were left nearly as shaken as you after the encounter, forgoing the last few needed aisles in favor of ending things early to process tough decisions behind closed doors.
That’s all the information he offers; no further details exchanged on the matter. The internal workings of your personal lives kept private. It didn’t take a mathematician to understand why you prefer to remain guarded, but you assume on his end it had a fair bit to do with the obnoxious purple elephant in the room, trumpeting and stampeding all over the future you could’ve built had it just stayed locked in a zoo. There’s still some moments along the line where he lays a trail of tiny bread crumbs, challenging you with hungry eyes to follow the path through winding woodland and glittering caves towards whatever lay beyond. You’re tempted a few times to chance a couple steps, toeing the line of curiosity but always pulling back to the safety of the unknown. 
The less you know about their lives the better. You never even inquire as to the missing three names.
Eventually you settle on the topic of just how exactly he proposed this hairbrained… relationship?... was going to work. Fuck, there really had to be a better word for it. Not friends, not lovers. Not a situationship. Not total strangers anymore.
Companions? Counterparts? Symbiotes?
Either way, you’d both been spouting suggestions for the better part of five minutes and you weren’t any closer to a solution that would leave both parties feeling satisfied. Granted the only thing that could work for you would be as little interaction as humanly possible, but he was firm in his convictions.
“We can keep it ta texts fer right now if ye like.”
“But then she'll feel bad if she sees you writing them.”
“Then we'll jus’ ‘ave tae come visit.”
“But then I'll feel like some sleazy homewrecking call girl.”
“Now yer jus’ bein’ a numpty.”
“I’m being realistic.”
“Yea, ye should stop tha’.”
“John!”
“Lass.”
Oh, how you wanted to wipe that flippant laughter off his face and pry it from his mouth with dental tools. The damn thing was unfairly infectious in the way it warmly beckoned a smile to your lips. Here you were trying to be sensible about the situation he created and so far all attempts to come to some sort of compromise were met with off handed ribbing and facetiousness.
You wouldn’t admit that some of the holdup was partially your fault - looking for desperate excuses to keep this from happening - but it hung suspended in the quiet between your words. And what’s more he knew it too.
“What about the occasional email?” you threw out for the hell of it.
John outright guffawed at the ridiculous suggestion, drawing the attention of some of the surrounding tables without a care towards who heard, brawny arms tossed upward in fond exasperation. “This ain’t a business transaction, hen! Saints, what a notion…”
“Well…” you sputtered, “then it seems like we’ve reached an impasse.” 
Please just drop it.
He just looked at you with further amusement, swirling circles on the table with the bottom edge of his now empty coffee cup. “Ye always a neurotically charged mess or is this jus’ my lucky day?”
Oh god. In your desperation to undo the upheaval he’s already causing in your life you really weren’t painting a pretty picture of yourself were you? 
You cringed backwards at the realization. “Pretty sure you’re the reason I’m making myself look like one.”
“Aye, but a bonnie one,” he agrees.
“And you’re not worried about the mental stability of the person which life has comedically deemed yours and is making a complete fool of herself?”
“Just tryin’ tae make ye smile. It's been workin’.” A fact he looked quite proud of.
And it was. You couldn't deny that. For how much havoc this was wreaking on the parts of yourself that had become so ill equipped to handle basic human interactions outside your minuscule inner circle, there was a part of you that was glad to find you still possessed the capability of laughing with a stranger.
The conversation paused as his brow knit in confusion, the faint buzzing of a cell phone rattling in his pocket barely audible over the din as he drew it from the interior lining of his coat. The way he held the device and flicked through it with his thumb implied a text message as opposed to a phone call, huffing as he read over the contents before palming it in his meaty hand.
“Och, the louses are houndin’ me fer their caffeine fix. Hang on a tic, lass.” Flashing a quick smile, his chair slid back with a sharp squeak as he stood, strolling back towards the counter and flagging down an unoccupied barista. It was impossible not to follow him with your eyes, ogling his stocky frame as he rattled off coffee orders from the conversation pulled up on his phone. Even the sweet beta girl behind the register wasn’t impervious to his roguish charms; just a little more subtle in the way she admired the casual arrogance in which he leaned against the marble. 
How long had it been since you last let your eyes wander over the shape of a man and thought of something other than a rancid dumpster and abrasive brick scraping morse code across your exposed back?
There was something uniquely disarming about the alpha. In many ways his ability to break past your bullshit reminded you of Dr. Miranda. Both refused to let you spiral to darker thoughts, spinning the world into one of muted colors rather than shades of desolate gray. But where she spent years undoubtedly locked in a study hall pouring over dissertations and cramming decades of designation theory over red bulls and ramen, John had accomplished that same level of trust in a matter of–
You checked the time on your phone. The pair of you had been sitting in this cafe for roughly fifteen minutes now. That’s all it took for this whirlwind of a man to blow away the cobwebs accumulating in your chest and deliver a shot of adrenaline to your synapses.
Too bad the monster in your veins would make sure it didn’t last.
John came back from the counter holding a cardboard coffee carrier by the handle, looking down at you expectantly from his position towering over you. “Right, lass. Need tae be droppin’ these,” he raised his arm a smidge, gesturing to the drinks, “off tae the lads. So hows about we quit the stallin’ and skip tae the part where ye stop overthinkin’ things and lemme have yer number?”
He didn’t even let you open your mouth in feeble defense of that (true) statement before serving you a warning look that dissolved the syllables from the tip of your tongue. From what little you’d gathered during your brief stint together, you didn’t doubt his potential gumption to wrangle you to the cold tile floor - even in the presence of all these people - just to fish the device out of your pocket himself if need be.
Personally, you didn’t feel up to testing his bluff. 
Working off pure muscle memory, you handed over your phone and watched as he pulled up your messaging app, inputting his name amongst the scant others on the list and shooting off a fruit emoji. If he noticed the sparse amount of contacts in your phone he didn't comment on it. Not like it was hard to miss a grand total of four separate text chains.
His phone buzzed again from the text he sent himself, handing back your device with a smile that erred on the side of slightly devious contentment. The bastard knew he won and was being unfairly smug about it. “There now. See how easy that was, lass? Perfectly painless.”
That’s when it hit you.
“What if she says no?” The sheer panic gripping your chest catches you off guard as much as the blurted out words. Trepidation crushes like a hydraulic press, the thought of this precious fleeting moment being all you ever get seizing your body like a hundred electrified shocks. The rickety tower of emotional stability you’d been working so hard to keep steady seemed to crumble beneath your feet now that there was a chance he wouldn't be around to keep it from falling. “What if this is all just some big mistake and we never should have met and I end up ruining your pack–”
Gods, this was so fucked up. A minute ago you wanted nothing more than to never hear from John again and now your inner omega was giving you whiplash trying to cling to an alpha that wasn’t hers by the skin of her blunted teeth. 
This was exactly why you didn’t want to have anything to do with them in the first place! It was a no win scenario that was only going to make things worse by confusing your already emotionally precarious omega. Delaying the inevitable. Dragging things out. Torturing her wounded soul trying to wring water from stone.
But you couldn’t give him up anymore - not now. Maybe once you’re home safe in your nest and can breathe clean air not tainted with his fragrance. When you’ve forgotten the oceanic hues that gleam at you with such open eagerness. When his brogue and his candor are replaced with flashes of doe eyed brown and thick flowing locks and the taste of chocolatey truth cuts too deep to heal. Maybe distance will make this ache inside easier to bear. 
But at this moment, despite your earlier hesitations, you weren’t ready for the clock to strike midnight on the impossible.
If he couldn’t read the distress on your face then he certainly was made aware of it by the sour smell of overripe fruit cascading off of you, bitter and tart and pungent as you began to spiral, getting lost in a torrent of what ifs and worst case scenarios. 
You never got to finish your verbal stream of consciousness. Alpha instincts snapped into action before you could begin blowing fumes, disregarding his coffee as he hoisted you up from your seat with immediate alertness. Strong arms encased your vulnerable form, one hand cradling the back of your neck with gentle pressure, engaging the bundle of nerves located there with a direct line to the body’s limbic system. An omega’s weak spot; it overrides all internal circuitry and sends calming signals to the brain, disengaging stress receptors, activating the amygdala, bringing you to a headspace of obedience and security. It was highly taboo to touch an omega there without their explicit permission; a right reserved only for close family members and chosen pack mates. 
You should be angry– you should be furious. How dare he assume that just because he was your scent match that it gave him any right to manhandle you! Robbing your ability to retake control and leaving you just as helpless as that fateful night in the alley.
But he was. And you just didn’t care. Call it biology working against you, but all you felt in that moment was a deep rooted need to sink into his grounding embrace and let your mind go blissfully blank. Trusting in fate to send you an alpha with morals and integrity. Handing over the keys to a man who knew how to drive.
Releasing more of his smooth creamy scent into the air around you, body and designation worked in tandem to soothe every aspect of your overwhelmed being. Outside influences floated away with all the cares of the world, revolving around a fixed point in space exactly where you stood. Nothing else existed in this fraction of the universe. Just two souls destined to be together by forces beyond comprehension.
This was what you were made for. This felt right.
And, god– he was purring for you.
“Hey hey– shhh shhh. Settle, omega, settle... easy now. Jus’ like tha’... There’s a good lass.”
Slowly but surely, the acrid odor of anxiety faded back into the sweet juicy scent of a fresh crisp pear. A small whine escaped your lips as he sapped your body of strength, held aloft only by the taut muscles in his forearms. Glazed over eyes reflected the haze fogging your senses, melting you down into something gooey and malleable that dripped like corn syrup, sticky and coating every inch of your skin in a clear varnish. Breathing became easier. The heavy thumping in your ears faded back to white noise. Bones turned rubbery and tendons fell limp until you could no longer remember what upset you in the first place.
No longer needing the subduing effects of gentling, his hand moved from its spot at the back of your neck to the base of your skull, thumb tenderly stroking where skin met hair, shushing soft assurances against your temple.
“Ye needn’t worry a strand on tha’ bonnie wee head of yers. Ye dunnae ken her like we do. Jus’ leave everythin’ tae me. I’ll sort things right as rain, yea?”
The rational part of your brain knew better than to believe honeyed lies, but in the cloudy serotonin you simply nodded into the dark leather of his coat, spellbound under his tranquilizing touch.
“Atta girl. C’mon, let’s get ye tae yer car.”
Helping you back into your coat, he made sure you were bundled up nice and snug before shuffling you outside into the frosty air, a hand resting over the small of your back in a way you didn’t object to in your current slothful state. The chime felt a little less abrasive this time around as you exited the cafe, moving in the direction of your car parked in its spot alongside the bustling rush hour traffic.
You knew the elderly thing was a spectacle to behold; all chipped paint and rusted metal, duct tape holding the bumper together, a dent in the passenger door from where your neighbor’s kids had kicked a ball into it last spring. There was a crack across the windshield from where a bird made friendly with it earlier in the year that sliced through your vision but didn’t impede you from driving. 
‘Character’ was the word you used to describe it, but it certainly wasn’t what everyone else usually chose. John obviously fell into the latter camp.
“Ye sure tha’ thing’s operable, lass?” He scrutinized every banged-up, well-worn inch of it, pulling a face at what he found lacking and raising an eyebrow in disbelief. “Not sure I trust it ta get ya to point b without a few bumps and scrapes.”
You sighed at the familiar criticism, having heard much the same from your fathers. “It gets the job done. Still safer than walking around by myself anyways. I promise I wouldn’t drive it if I thought it’d get me killed one day.” Only a partial lie at least.
He was clearly unconvinced, but blessedly didn’t say anything further besides whatever mumbled remark he kept under his breath. Watching quietly while still keeping an eye on the surrounding area, he stayed near your side as you fumbled with the keys, grabbing the handle to hold it open as you tossed your bag on the passenger seat. “Right. In ya go then.”
You thought that would be the end of it as he closed the door behind you, buckling your fraying seat belt and hoping he was far enough away that you could safely attempt to start your car without any more judgment from him if this ended up being the one time it didn’t turn over.
You jumped slightly as his gloved hand tapped on the glass, turning your head to watch him motion for you to lower the window. Rolling the old school contraption down, you were again hit with a velvety shot of espresso as he half leaned in towards you, forearm resting against the top of your car.
“If ye think fer one minute tha’ I’m gonna jus’ up and forget about ye now tha’ we’re partin’ ways ye’ll be sorely disappointed lass. Tha’ there thing in yer purse’ll be ringin’ before ye ken it and I’m not afraid to come lookin’ if I dunnae get an answer.” 
The promise in his tone felt suspiciously like a threat, but one without any real intended consequence. His relaxed posture and sparkling irises assured you that while he’d probably still be cross if you ignored his attempts to reach out, you wouldn’t be awoken in the middle of the night to someone taking a battering ram to your flimsy front door.
At least, you hoped they wouldn’t.
Flashing you a playful wink, John took a step back from the vehicle. “Take care, omega. Be seein’ ya real soon.”
You’re shouting your name at him before you even realize what you’ve done, the small part of you that longs for a deeper connection clawing free from the part that fears having her heart shattered. From a few feet away you could still see the fireworks bursting in his eyes, the way he stands a little taller and puffs out his already broad chest with euphoria at your proffered olive branch. You can’t bring yourself to regret it when his unabashed smile conjures images you never dared hope for.
He waited until you rolled up your window and heard the telltale click of the locks on your doors engaging before finally taking off, crossing to the other side of the slippery street and walking with a hand tucked into his coat pocket until a line of cars finally blocked his retreating form from view. 
You sat there for a moment with your hands on the steering wheel, the silence in the vehicle more deafening than the wind howling outside. The past twenty minutes played like rewind on a VCR, speeding through the chain of events leading to the present to be watched again and again and again. 
After the fifth or sixth replay, all you could think of was rushing back to your apartment before fate could intervene once more and you accidentally run over your fourth scent match’s pekingese with your fucking car. 
°•. ✿ .•°.•° ✿ °•.°•. ✿ .•°.•° ✿ °•.°•. ✿ .•°
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Indefinite hiatus
I was toying with writing up a long post about what running this blog has meant to me over the years and why I'm stepping away for the foreseeable future, but that feels too dramatic for what's really just me saying "I'm not going to be on tumblr for at least the rest of the year". So, I'll just say I'm not going to be on tumblr for at least the rest of the year.
Okay, actually I have a bunch more to say, but it'll be under the cut.
Politics sucks. And paying attention to it, even in the reduced way I've been paying attention to it over the last few years, is hard. You end up spending so much of your supposedly free time thinking about things you can't change, getting mad about things you can't change, and getting depressed when the people who can change things just keep going in the wrong direction. Even when good things happen, it's just a matter of a few days before something bad happens once again. And vice versa. It's an endless cycle of hope, despair, resignation. Rinse and repeat, and triple speed that cycle during an election year. And I'm tired of it. I'm tired of spending every other year worried about what's going to happen on one day in November. I'm tired of hearing a piece of news and automatically composing a post about it or running through 20 different responses I might give to asks I might get about it in my head.
Everyone I know who doesn't pay attention to politics (or at least doesn't run a social media page dedicated to it) seems to enjoy their live a lot more than I currently do. Which sounds way more dramatic than what's actually going on, which is mainly that I want to get to a place where I just don't care. I want the world and its problems to flow off my back instead of weighing it down. I want to stop thinking about what people on the internet might say about something I haven't even posted yet. And that can't happen while I'm tied to this blog. So I'll be staying away from it for at least the rest of the year.
I did have a good time with this blog. I've met a bunch of really awesome people, some who are sadly no longer with us (RIP Blue), and some who I think will carry on the "fight" way better than I ever did. This isn't an admission of defeat, or pessimism about the election. Even if Trump wins, and I truly think he will if we have a fair election, I still won't be back this year. But I'll still vote and I'll still be proud that my silly little tumblr blog had an impact on some people's lives. I may not have the reach of a Tucker Carlson or a Glenn Beck, but I've gotten a lot of messages from people who said they changed their minds about an issue, or even politics in general, because of things I said, and that counts for something. If you guys take anything away from me, I want it to be this: Even the smallest impact matters. It doesn't matter if you only ever reach one person and then stop, reaching that one person is enough. Changing one vote is enough. Changing one mind is enough.
To all my mutuals, you guys are the best. I truly hope you have wonderful lives and I'm sad I won't get to see your names on my dash everyday anymore. To anyone I've ever followed or reblogged from, I couldn't have had a blog without you, so thank you. Yes, even the leftiod psychos, XD. To everyone else, find your own balance and never give into despair and never listen to people who tell you not to try. Even a failed effort is still more meaningful than sitting back and mocking people for trying to improve even the smallest thing about themselves or the world around them.
I won't be logging back in after I post this, so any messages or asks you send, I won't see. I'll still be active (or as active as I ever am) in my discord, so feel free to join there if you want to. It should still be my pinned post, but if it isn't, I'll edit this with a new invite link.
And that's all I've got to say for now.
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Logan x Reader pt.6
I know it took forever please forgive me!
I have a couple more ideas for this, if you guys want it to continue
If you think I'm just milking please it let me know, there's so many better fic writers out there I really didnt think this would blow up like it did 🫶
<< Part 5 Part 7 >> Masterlist
You had thought scavenging was difficult however as you stared at the immensely filled shelves you realised choosing was harder. You’d thought to purchase some crackers, just to see if Laura had preferences; however there were twelve different types of Goldfish and Goldfish was just one brand. This whole aisle was overflowing with crackers. It was insane. Who needed this many choices?
Elektra, Gambit and Blade had tagged along, the latter only for company, and they all seemed to be in the same position. Tired eyes mindlessly scanning for anything familiar. Anything that sounded good. Did you even remember the taste of ‘spicy chilli’? Or did you prefer ‘sour cream and chives’?
The shelves were too much and they were tall. You couldn't see over them, couldn't see potential threats or keep an eye on the exits. Why did the aisles need to be this long? They were endless. Endless and bright and colourful and the store was loud. Why were there children running around? There could be anyone around the corner. Each stomp of little feet drilled a hole in your head.
Picking up speed you rounded the corner and hid yourself by a pillar. The thing was an eyesore for the employees, they definitely had trouble stocking the shelves around it, but to you it was bliss.
You rest your forehead against the cool metal and force the air out of your lungs. You took in a big gulp before forcing it out again.
The noise of the store was drowned out by your breathing, by your hammering heart. You could hear vague snippets but it sounded like when an explosion was too close. Warped and muffled at the same time.
“Mon cher?” Gambit placed a light hand on your shoulder, despite how careful he was it still caused you to jerk. “Y/N. You 're okay.” You couldn't tell what was happening but your head was moving. Was it nodding or shaking? Your mouth opened to respond but nothing, bar a few halfhearted noises, could come out. “Y/N.” He tried again, but this had never happened. You'd never felt like this. This pain in your chest. Was… did you survive the Void to have a heart attack? “‘m get ‘ogan.”
You deliriously gave him a thumbs up.
Without any sort of logic or proof you knew the floor was safe. Of course it was, it was a constant. The floor would never leave. It couldn't. So you knelt down, your knees against the linoleum and your head still against the pillar. Or was it a beam? Why was this happening? You used to be able to do this. Why couldn't you fucking shop? All this time you'd had dreams of normality and now it was here and you were too crazy to be here?
Maybe you belonged in the Void. Then again, maybe this was Cassandra. You had thought it previously, everything was far too easy. She could be laughing her ass off at how you reacted to a fake superstore. Imagine.
Noise had slowly started to come back but it was too loud. Too much. Too bright. Why was it so bright? Why did people need to be blasted in the face to see what toothpaste they needed?
Maybe this was it.
Maybe it was the end of the line.
You were just rewatching your life.
That would be... nice.
To know that there was an end.
God, that was depressing.
You didn't mean it that way and you don't know why you thought it but it actually brought you some comfort.
Not enough to stop you hyperventilating on the dirty floors, though.
“Baby?” That was Logan now. Why was he always there to save you? He didn't have to be. Hell, he didn't know you. You might be the worst version of yourself and here he was doting over you.
You didn't deserve that.
What had you done to deserve that type of love?
He had sat out on the fire escape all night and you can't even pick up fucking crackers.
Who even likes crackers!?
“Baby?” He repeated, closer now.
You turned to the side and saw him but also saw through him.
“Can you tell me your name?”
What sort of mind fuckery was this? He knows your name. “Y/N L/N.” Your voice was tiny but he could see the way your mouth formed the words.
“How many fingers am I holding up?”
Your eyes stayed trained on his face but you answered using your peripheral. “Two.” The word still small and but now just hardly audible.
“And what's this?” You let your eyes meander down to his hand and saw he was pointing at a scrubbing brush you were hunched by.
You felt your brows pull together in confusion. “Cleaning thing.”
He let out an amused huff but was sincere with his words. “Now, love, what can you hear?”
Hear? You can hear everything. Him mostly. There were footsteps and trolley wheels and the buzzing of the speakers and constant rustling of shopping bags or plastic packaging and chattering and the child running riot was now crying and the checkouts were beeping and the deli counter number was called. “Rustling?”
“What else?”
“Crying.”
“One more?” His voice had lowered, he was more breathy.
“Your breath.”
“Can you follow my breathing?”
It was even. He was breathing in and out. Like literally every other living creature. Even trees could breathe.
“Are you able to move your hand?” He continued, tapping his chest. “Put it here?”
Of course, who did he take you for? You shakily slapped it onto his chest and he held it tight. Taking in the largest breath and releasing it slowly.
He repeated that for a while and slowly you found yourself assimilated. You were copying him with perfect movements.
The constant humming in your head had stopped, the noises were bearable, the lights even seemed duller. “I- I think I'm okay now?”
“Can you stand?” His eyes were darting all over your face, trying to gauge a reaction.
You bit your lip and nodded, moving stiff legs and easing your way up. He was swift with his movements making sure you were one hundred percent okay on your wobbly legs before he stepped back.
“That's never happened before.” You felt tired, drained. Your whole body was on fire. Why was it so sore? You had mentally freaked out and now your body was aching?
“It was an anxiety attack.” He voiced the obvious but could tell you were going to argue so carried on. If he was talking you had to listen. “They're not uncommon for those who've suffered. I’ve had them due to my PTSD.” Maybe you'd feel at ease if you knew he got them as well.
“But I don't have PTSD.”
“I think you might,” You scrunch your face. “the years spent in the Void, couldn't have been easy.”
“We survived.”
“That's what VETs say.”
Your rebuttal died on your tongue as you took two seconds to actually think about it. He might be onto something. “Is that why Stark said we need a therapist?”
“Possibly.”
“The whole time I was in the Void this didn't happen.” You grumbled. “Just carried on.”
“You didn't have time then. Your brain can now process your trauma.” Damn, Lydia - his therapist - was a genius. “In a weird way this is being healthy.”
“It's called an atta-” You huffed, hugging your middle. “I don't care what's happening, I just don't want Laura to see.” You had separated in the store to cover more ground. She had wanted to wander, to see the store for herself, and you had thought you'd be able to gather everything by the time she was headed back to you.
“She may need to see. She mig-she feels like she has to be strong.” He knew what Laura thought because she was him. “She needs to be shown this is okay.”
You were getting frustrated now. “Okay but not yet. Just- I just want a nap. My head hurts. My body, too.”
“Okay, we can leave.” It was not even noon, the others would ask questions about your sleeping pattern.
“Oh wait, no, I don't want her to worry about being noisy.” You tapped your teeth together as you wracked your brain. “Can I nap in your room?”
“Of course.” He would never deny you that, it also was a win-win as he could monitor you without Laura's beady eyes stalking him.
~~
It was safe to say that your “sickness” was the worst kept secret. It was obvious to everyone what had happened and even Wade seemed concerned. So much that he postponed the party.
Logan had settled you into his bed hours ago, checking on you periodically and was just waiting for you to rise. He had nothing better to do.
You were his world.
Laura had knocked once to see if there were any updates but he had told her the truth. That he had nothing to tell and was worried himself.
She walked back with slumped shoulders, a sliver of guilt slid up Logan's back but she was gone before he could make amends.
Another knock pulled him from Laura's disappointed eyes. Logan hoisted himself off of the armchair and opened the door to see Elektra.
She reminded him of Jean in a lot of ways.
“Here.” El handed a bag over. Logan frowned and opened it to see a multi coloured box. He and you had left the store earlier than the others to get home. He had made no purchases, leaving his basket of goods on the floor where you had slumped over. He hated himself for letting you out of his sight but you had strode off so confidently and Blade was talking to him about different moterbikes. Logan was distracted for a millisecond and you had vanished. Why did he take you guys to a store that large?
“Uh.” He didn't know what to say.
“Just invite Laura over and play these.” She spelt it out. “The kid’s worried sick and won't listen to us.”
He accepted the bag and nodded once. “Okay.”
If loving you meant loving Laura he could do that. He didn't dislike the kid but he saw so much of himself in her. And he hated himself.
El turned on her heel and entered her own door, opposite his.
Logan itched his chin and sighed, walking next door. He knocked twice and waited.
Laura opened the door in a grey hoodie and your fluffy socks. “Hello.”
“You, uh, you wanna play connect four?” He shook the plastic bag.
Laura eyed the bag but nodded once and followed him into his home.
Logan's apartment was the same as yours except he had added throws, blankets, books, CDs and LPs and many more home comforts in preparation for your arrival. His home was decidedly cosier and Laura didn't hate it.
“She's still asleep so I thought we could pass the time together.” He spoke as he sat at the dining table. Laura stood behind the chair to his right and awaited instructions. “You can sit, I just need to set this up.”
Logan unravelled the contents of the bag and found Guess Who and Sorry we're sitting beneath Connect Four. He left them both on the table and delved into the first game.
Building the game wasn't difficult and explaining it to Laura was as easy as saying “connect four of the same colour, either portrait, landscape or diagonal”. The picture on the box was practically instructions.
But playing against her was challenging. She knew how to think like him, knew how to outsmart him.
It occurred to him that she was always observing people. She knew his tells. She was always present and did contribute to the conversation but she preferred to watch. To take in.
Laura was very good at connecting four so after a few games he pulled out Guess Who. That was a little bit more complicated.
“Are you George?”
Logan had thought to pick George but went for a random number - seven - and counted his way along the board. “No. Do you have long hair?”
“I do.” She agreed and he flipped the heads. “I was drawn to George so I thought you might've been.”
“You're onto something there.” Logan sipped his cola. He made sure there were snacks and drinks available.
“Blue eyes?”
“No.”
“I don't know how they got your DNA.” Laura had felt guilty. She knew her Logan didn't ask for her to be born and this one didn't even know she was a thing.
“Been around a long time.” He shrugged. “You'll have that to look forward to.”
“How long?”
“Lipstick?” She shook her head. “I've been around a good two-three hundred years.”
Laura let that settle. Would she be around that long? The doctors did thousands of tests on her but none said she'd live an extended period. “Blonde?”
Logan nodded, noticing the shift in her demeanour. “You okay?”
“That is a long time to be alive.” She picked up a chip and snapped it in half. “Y/N will be dead. And El. And Gambit.”
“You might not live as long.” He tried to make that sound like a good thing. “What's your healing factor like?”
“I've never been ‘injured’.”
He thought about that. He couldn't ask her if she had died. That might be too much for the young woman. “And the Adamantium?”
Laura frowned.
“Your claws.”
“What about them?” Finally popping the chip in her mouth.
“The metal isn't part of the mutation.”
“What?” Laura revealed her claws. They came out sharp and shiny. “They've always been like this.”
A little girl. A small child having the procedure that almost killed him. She definitely would live as long as he does. “It's bone, they added the metal.”
Laura observed her claws, hand swivelling. She had never known them to be bone. Would they even be effective?
“It's alright, though,” he shrugged, giving her a cheesy thumbs up. “You have Blade and me to keep you company.” Laura smiled and rolled her eyes. “Are you Claire?”
~~
The next few days were okay. You were still achy and found it difficult to move but you weren't totally invalid.
In fact you were playing with your newest toy. A telecommunication device. Or a phone.
Wade had burst into the front room, you all collectively sat in, paper bags in hand.
“Guys, I hope you know how odd it was for me to walk in there and ask for five phones. They thought I was a drug dealer.”
Blind Al kissed her teeth. “You could've been buying company phones, idiot.”
“Oh.” Wade slumped. “Maybe it was the meth I offered the cashier…” He handed each of you a box and squeezed himself between Gambit and Al.
There were two sofas that you all were occupying. You were sitting next to Logan, a blanket covering the two of you. Laura was sitting on the floor in front of you, she had done so you could braid her hair but decided to stay. El was perched on the arm of Al’s sofa, Gambit and Wade next to Al, and Blade was standing at Logan's side.
The setup of each phone was easy. Technology was a lot faster than you remembered.
El spoke before you all got distracted. “We have to save each other's numbers.” She knew the collective braincell liked to wander.
Each of you read out your number whilst the others typed it in. But as that happened the phones asked for a contact picture. Now that caused chaos.
El was smiling sweetly in the first pic and looked like she was being held hostage in the last. Gambit had his eyes shut and a middle finger up in practically every one. Blade was exactly the same, it was eerie, he stood statue still as you all snapped him. Laura’s eyes were confused but she did force a smile. You threw up a peace sign just for Wade to tell you it wasn't 2001 anymore. Wade had a different pose for each phone and they were all more elaborate than the last. Al didn't want to participate at all. And finally Logan, much like Laura, faked a smile until you and her took the pics.
Photos were fun. You liked photos. You'd had a trusty Polaroid back in the day and loved snapping pictures, but this was amazing. The photos were really detailed and you had them all saved in a ‘gallery’.
“You happy with the camera?” Logan asked as he saw you in the settings reading what each symbol meant.
“Yeah it's really good and I can take front facing photos.” You smiled at yourself. “Look!” Logan's eyes dropped to his face and he raised an eyebrow as you tapped the button. He huffed out a disbelieving laugh and you snapped again. “You're smiling!” You giggled to yourself, leaning forward. “Laura look.” Laura was playing about with dark mode and she turned her head to see you and her. “We can take a photo.”
Laura smiled and you poked your tongue out as you snapped. You made a heart shape with your hand and got her to copy it, snapping another.
“Logan, get in.” You begged.
He sighed - completely for show - and moved closer. “This angle is all chins.”
You frowned.
“Laura, come and sit up here.” He pat the slither of space between you two. She complied and you tried to get everyone in. “Y/N angle the phone.” You did as instructed and you all smiled.
The phone was heavy in your hands and an awkward shape, your old phone was a flip and easier to hold. “Do the heart thing whilst I hold this.”
The wolverines did.
You took some more, without noticing Wade was in the background, and eventually ceased, sixty-four photos later.
“This is so much fun.”
Wade watched you swiping through the photos, “Just you wait, pumpkin, ‘til you get a hold of the apps.”
“Apps?”
“Like little things on your phone.” He scrunched his face. “Like Snapchat or Instagram or Facebook.”
“I know Facebook.” You nodded. “It was an internet thing, like MySpace.”
“Now it's on an app.”
“Oh.” Was all you had in response. Wade showed you how to get to the app store - Logan, carefully, watching to make sure he wasn't being a little shit - and showed you how to ‘download an app’.
“I have to put my phone number in?” You stared at the screen.
“If that's what it says.” Wade had noticed Al and Gambit speaking again so upped and left. He laid himself across the two of them. “Just follow the steps.”
Okay.
You could do that.
Shit.
The first hurdle.
It asked for your date of birth.
Technically your date of birth was different now, no?
“What do I put?” You asked Logan over Laura's head. “I'm not that old.”
“Just do the maths, put the correct day and month but subtract the years.” He suggested.
“My date of birth would mean I can't have this app.” Laura commented. “Not over eighteen.” She had followed the instructions Wade told you and was now in the same dilemma.
“Do the same but backwards.” Logan tried.
You both, then, had to pick a profile picture. You had the photos on your phone and picked one of you three.
“I don't have a photo of myself.” Laura pressed the camera button and jumped. “Do-do I just take one?”
You smiled. “If you want to.”
“You don't have to have a picture.” Logan supplied.
Laura bit her lip but did decide to take one, she gave a small smile. “Is that okay?”
“You look lovely.” You squeezed her arm.
The two of you had just finished messing about with Facebook when you both received a notification.
‘Elektra Natchios had sent a friend request’, you looked up at her and quickly added.
Gambit and Blade didn't delve into Facebook, the former said he couldn't be bothered the latter told you it was too public.
You suppose Blade is right. But at the same time this is familiar. This is a way to find people. To potentially seek out your family. Or at least see if they exist.
You were just putting the phone away when another friend request popped up. ‘Logan Howlett has sent you a friend request’. He had no profile picture or cover photo and no posts. He did have friends, some of whom you recognised as the X-Men.
“Do you speak to them?” You swivelled your phone, displaying the friends.
“Charles has told them who I am and why I'm here. They accept anyone, they were eager to listen to my story. Probably waiting for you, now.”
“I don't think I can just add them.” Your fingers hovered over Hank’s fuzzy face.
“Then don't.”
“Why don't you have any pictures?”
“I don't really do pictures.”
You weren't too quick but opened your gallery. “You did here.”
“That was with you two.” He gave you a half shrug. “It's different.”
~~
Texting was fun.
You taught Laura all the old slang you used to use. BRB, LOL, TTYL, 411.
Laura did use some of them but preferred to text properly, she had spent a good portion of her time in EDEN and the Void learning basic reading and writing, why would she throw that away?
You were laying in Logan's bed, having claimed it four days ago, listening as his TV played music. He had shown you how to go onto YouTube via the TV and you were very much a fan of these Apps. You did feel a little guilty because you had effectively intruded on his space but his bed was comfy and smelled like him. God it was heavenly.
Why did he smell so good?
Y/N: nighty night beautiful x
Laura: Goodnight x
You had drilled into Laura the importance of kisses. A kiss at the end of the text was vital.
You came out of your messages, having texted the others ‘night’.
Gambit: see ya tomorrow
El: Night, love x
Blade: night
It was a routine you all wouldn't dare abandon. Whether or not you lived in this apartment all your lives you knew you'd all stick to saying goodnight. You had done for five years.
You pressed on Logan's name and sent him a message.
“Why are you texting me?” Logan called through the wall. You could hear his footsteps, sitting up, you waited. It wasn't long before the door was opened and Logan revealed himself.
Jesus. H. Christ.
Why was he shirtless? Your brain short circuited whenever his wide chest and mouth watering abs were in view. His torso was covered in soft hair your fingers itched to grab.
“I-I was just saying ‘night’.” You snapped your jaw shut.
“Oh, I thought you needed me.” He ran a hand through his hair.
You liked his short hair but you missed his fluffy locks. Nothing better than running your hands through them.
You were both now just gazing at each other.
He looked glorious, you felt self conscious. He could literally be a Grecian God, you could picture statues being made in his honour.
“You wanna-” Your eyes darted away. “You wanna sit with me?”
Why were you so awkward?
This was your husband friend.
Logan’s eyes widened an inch but he did nod. “Yeah sure.”
He made his way to the right side and plonked down. His weight caused you to slide a little over but you quickly righted yourself. You plucked the remote off of your knees and turned David Bowie down.
“I wanted to thank you.” You fiddled with the remote. “And I'm sorry I've stolen your bed.”
Logan shrugged. “You weren't well and I'd never kick you out of my bed.”
He was admitting things that were as innocent as they were damning.
“You're cute.”
“Hmm.” He raised his brow. “I remember you claiming that.”
There wasn't much more to say, instead you both listened as ‘ashes to ashes’ changed to ‘modern love’.
“This was my favourite song.” You commented, leaning your temple on his shoulder.
“I remember.” He agreed.
Pulling your head up in shock, “you do?”
“Yeah.” His eyes glanced at the screen. “My Y/N liked it too.”
“Do you- is this weird?”
“I don't know.”
“Do you miss your Y/N?”
He considered the question. “I didn't have enough of her. I think I missed the 'what ifs' and now I know you and him were married, it feels worse. What about you?”
“I miss him, it is a little weird to see you walking around with his face. It's odd because we slept together and I am attracted to you but there's that obstacle. Now the world isn't ending, we have to face the consequences of our actions, you know?” You hoped he understood what you meant. “Is it wrong to want you? You are so much like him yet I don't know you.”
You had said a lot of really important things, however he was stuck on just one. “You want me?”
That caused you to chuckle. “Of course, look at yourself. Sex on legs.”
He didn't care for moral dilemmas the way you did. You wanted him. He wanted you. It may just be his animal brain but, surely, that was the end of it.
“I mean you almost killed me walking in here all shirtless and tanned.”
You were trying to joke to defuse the tension but his eyes told you it wasn't working. They were heavy, lidded and staring straight into your soul. “As if you in my shirt, in my bed, hasn't done the same.” He spoke directly to your lips.
Oh yeah. For quickness you had borrowed a shirt, using it as a nightie. “Please, I'm not nearly as gorgeo-”
He cut you off with a kiss.
You melted.
Of course you did.
It was Logan.
Your hands found his cheek and chest. Both threading through the respective hair.
Logan slid his tongue across your bottom lip in a silent question and you were quick to answer. He kissed you frantically, needing you more than oxygen.
You were slowly being pressed into the mattress. It was a perk of the Adamantium, he was heavier than he meant and that solid mass turned you on.
You had to break the kiss to catch your breath and he merely explored your neck. Your ragged breaths were now being cut off as you spluttered and gasped.
Fuck.
Your hand on his cheek had meandered to his nape where you tugged at the hair as you twitched in pleasure, your back arching.
What were you saying earlier?
Consequences of actions?
None of that mattered when he bit down.
The position that he had manoeuvred you in caused your left leg to wrap around his hip as he kept nipping your neck. He loved to mark you.
Even if he didn't ‘claim’ you as his, back in the day, everyone knew because he would mark you. It was the animal in him. He needed the world to know who you belonged to.
“Logan.” You let out a breathy whisper against his temple.
The man raised his head to gaze into your eyes. Fuck. They were blown wide.
“Tell me to stop.” He warned.
You couldn't. Why would you?
Your response was a silent head shake.
Logan's eyes landed back onto your lips and he dipped to devour them.
His hands, that had been at your sides, were moving in opposite directions. One slid up to rest just under your breast and the other travelled down. Fingers tickling a path down to your core.
He played with the waistband of your underwear, pulling it taught against you and watching the wet patch smear.
Logan smirked and kissed your chin, then your neck, your collar bone, spent a while on your chest - licking and biting, claiming you, yet again - and then your stomach and finally kissed the material just above your core.
He swiped his tongue along the fabric and barely loosened his hold, before tearing it with his teeth.
By fuck.
This man would kill you one day.
The torn fabric hung loosely as he nuzzled his way between your folds, forcing your thighs over his shoulders. His nose separated the slick lips as he then ran his tongue across them. He fluttered his tongue around the wet hole and collected the slick on his muscle before depositing it on your clit. He took extra care caressing the sensitive bud, swirling his tongue sweetly.
The noises that came out of your mouth were whorish, you sounded like a two-bit 80s porn star and he loved every one.
Eventually Logan added a finger to your hole, it eased in, and curled it as he pumped his hand.
You tried so hard to keep it down, to try to sound less pornographic, but he was a monster. He knew how to get you going. In fact you were on the verge right now. Any second you'd be cumming on his finger.
“Keep going.” You begged.
Logan hummed in response and it vibrated your clit.
“Fuck, do that again.”
He began humming as he added a second finger and you saw stars. You clamped down and let out a moan as you came.
He kept pumping his fingers and lapped up your slick until you groaned and tapped his shoulder to give you a moment's respite.
Logan stilled his tongue with a frown but kissed your thighs, biting the pillowy flesh.
“Shit.” You looked down, dazed, at his smug face. “Fuck, you're perfect.”
“I can take my time with you now.” He admitted. “I couldn't back in the Void, not like I wanted to.”
“You did a pretty good job then, too.” You recalled.
He rolled his eyes but continued placing languid kisses on your abdomen. “You are the perfect one. This pussy is delicious.”
His devotion caused you to bite your lip. “Fuck me.” You order.
“I like it down here.” He suggested nuzzling his nose on your clit.
Your argument died with the groan that forced its way out of you.
He sucked at your clit and you swore you ripped strands of his hair out. It was a shame because his hair was so soft.
Logan lapped at your pussy all he wanted, building you up slowly.
“Do me a favour?” He spoke between your folds, they muffled him a little. “Hands and knees?”
You nodded, deliriously and eased your way up, spinning to present yourself like a needy bitch.
Logan growled at the sight, your dripping pussy spread for him.
He buried his face, again, but carried on upwards. His tongue now circling your other hole. You twitched at the new sensation but found you enjoyed it just as much so let him have his fun.
He kept playing with you, teasing you with his fingers until you were shaking.
“Logan.” You warned.
He seemed to understand because he kept the same rhythm, rather than interrupting, and you came again.
He milked your orgasm again and licked a stripe from your clit to your ass, across your spine and back up to your neck.
“Mine.” He growled in your ear as you felt his tip line up. Both of his hands were on you, underneath his shirt, caressing your tits so it amazed you that you felt him notch and slowly ease his head into you.
Your eyes crossed in pleasure as he pulled out and pushed back in, the hole so wet it squelched louder than you could moan.
He huffed, unhappy with your shirt and ripped another item of clothing you were wearing. The shirt was discarded behind you but the waistband of your panties still sat on your hips, slowly moving higher with each thrust.
You knew he was holding himself back, afraid he'd hurt you, so as he pushed in you pushed back.
You cried out as he hit that spot inside you. “Harder.”
Logan caught your drift and picked up the pace. It really didn't take a lot of convincing.
He slammed into you from behind, pushing you further into the mattress, making you present yourself more.
He sat up and if he could die, he wanted this to be the last thing he saw.
You were amazing.
He collected all of your hair and eased you upwards, once again, nipping at your nape. There was something about the nape that transfixed him. He loved your smell and you smelt the most from your nape, he adored it but his own mingled with yours was something else entirely.
He needed you.
It was so painfully obvious.
How had he not admitted that to his version of you?
What a fucking idiot he was.
“Lo.” You could only say his name but he knew. You were close.
“Mmhmm.” He agreed, nibbling your earlobe. “I need another one, c’mon.”
You couldn't even hear his request over your third orgasm. This was different though. This was wetter. You instantly worried, what was happening? But Logan gasped.
“Fuck.” He stuttered inside you, pushing you down as his claws made an appearance at each side of your shoulders. “Fuck did you just squirt?”
“I-I don't know.” Your voiced muffled into the pillow, a hand patted your utterly soaked legs. “I've not done that before.”
He groaned, still rocking inside you. Logan held himself up via his claws and pounded into you with a whole new energy. He was frantic, frenzied. It didn't take long for him to spill inside.
His claws still barely held his weight but he wouldn't crush you.
“Shit, sorry.” He spoke once his senses returned. “I should've as-”
“Shut up, that was more than fine.” You panted against the pillow.
Logan kissed your temple and slowly retracted from the mattress and you. As soon as he was out you felt empty.
“Hmm.” You grumbled.
“What?” He chuckled.
“Put it back in.”
Logan knew you were real but he found himself in disbelief that someone this perfect could exist.
“Let's swap positions and I will.” He flopped over onto his spine and you followed sheathing his dick back into you.
You groaned and found yourself relaxing onto his chest.
This was possibly the best day you'd ever had.
“I'm sleepy but wake me up in an hour and we can do that again.” You gave him a cheeky wink.
Part 7
@geeksareunique @lovelyvaderx @melissa-ashe @st1nkabutt @maximumchilddreamland @ravenmedows @vulgarfuckinvirgo77 @bisasterbisexual @tzurue @narniansmagic @seamlessepiphany
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mandowifey · 1 year
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What kind of father figure behaviours would Miguel have?? I’m thinking protective af
Oh boy oh boy oh boy BUCKLE UP.
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Father!Miguel O'Hara Headcannons
Warnings: ANGST, SO MUCH ANGST, Mentions of child loss, death, violence, this is canon Miguel, reader can give birth but is not gendered. Mentions of trauma, depression, bad brain times. He's a broken man, yknow?
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First and foremost, Miguel is scared.
This is a man who had lost it all twice. He had watched his child die. He had lapsed so terribly into himself that he was able to rationalize stepping into another man's life and pretending to be him. He isn't right minded, he's broken and hurting.
All that self blame and doubt chokes him sometimes.
He hurts, constantly.
When you tell him you're pregnant, everything goes still. Fatherhood is something that had always been just outside of his grasp, and now it was here right in front of him. He doesn't fill with light, or smile and laugh, but he does look at you like he's seeing a ghost. There is fear in his eyes, not of you or the baby, but himself.
Because what if he fucks this up again?
Miguel can not stand the idea of opening himself to that pain. He already shoulders that guilt every day, rewatching videos of himself with his daughter. Can he even find room in his heart for another child? He almost feels like it is a betrayal, that he was never a good man to begin with if he were so willing to move on.
When your face drops and your eyes brim with tears, he pulls out of it.
One of Miguel's best abilities is being strong for others. He can be what you need right now, and he will.
Cue the absolute nightmare of expecting his child.
Aside from you being sick, Miguel worries, constantly.
The man can hardly focus on his work. He always asks one of the doctors to go check on you or have you in contact with him. Just because you're pregnant doesn't mean the multiverse loses its importance. But god is he distracted.
"Have you been eating enough?"
"Taking your vitamins?"
"How much water have you had?"
It'd be cute if you didn't know better.
You know how much he has lost and you know that he is petrified of losing you both too. Not to mention you are certain he feels undeserving of another chance, especially after destroying an innocent alternate universe.
The way he looks at you tells you everything; he thinks you are made of glass. Something fragile that could break any moment. While you try to assure him that isn't the case, he still worries.
Once you start showing, it's over.
He is constantly caressing your stomach, holding you close, breathing you in. He thinks you smell so good pregnant. Miguel loves to feel your belly, cooing to you about how good you look carrying his child. You don't doubt for a second he loves you.
Miguel is protective, most assuredly. When you want to go walking around the base or go grab snacks he is on you like a shadow. Always watching, always protecting. He makes sure the other spider folk don't bump you, and offers to carry you when you mention your feet swelling.
God, he'd love to feed you. Checking on you constantly if you're hungry, offering to run and grab any cravings you ask for.
When you get further along, he likes to talk to the baby. Speaking in Spanish occasionally but mostly asking if they are giving you trouble.
"They are gonna have my attitude, I know it."
Oh boy, when the baby comes?
Ohhhh boy.
First off it is a way bigger deal than it has to be.
That man would be in the middle of a job and get a ring on his watch.
"JESS, I GOTTA GO."
And she looks at him in time to watch him clawing back into a portal.
Him running full speed, throwing himself against walls and scratching down them to get to your room faster.
His mask withdrawing to show messy hair and wide brown eyes, coming to your side and taking your hand.
"I'm here, Im here." As he kisses into your damp hair.
You get to surprise him, twice.
He didn't know the sex, and didn't know you were having two.
When he see's his daughters for the first time, his eyes leak. The smile on his face stretches miles, his arms open as he cradles them into him. Oh he'd be melting.
You'd never seen him cry, but that day he does.
He's so proud of you, telling you how well you did and how much he loves you.
"Okay Miguel, gotta let me hold one." You laugh.
He's inseparable from you. Looking at those babies with such love and surprise, unable to believe that he was a father, again.
When you fall asleep with the girls tucked in your arms, he stays up and pets your hair.
And he promises himself that this time it will be different.
Your babies would be HELLA protected.
Good god, he is like a hawk with those girls.
Always watching, always making sure they were safe. He'd have eyes on them constantly.
Miguel is a good man at heart, and now he wants to make things right. He'd dedicate as much time to your family as possible, asking Jessica to stand in for him as often as possible (until she herself has her child).
He'd want to teach them to be like him. One of your daughters can stick to walls, and the other has tiny claws like he does. You enjoy lounging on the couch while he climbs the walls with the girls giggling after him.
Your family is beautiful, blissful. He protects all three of you.
And while sometimes you have to hold him at night and assure him that its okay to move on, he knows he's doing his best. He wraps you in his arms and looks at the baby monitor screen, watching the girls sleep. He begins to doze as you pet his hair, assuring him they were just fine.
Miguel would fall asleep against you, head tucked in your neck and strong arms locked around you.
And he would believe it was okay to forgive himself.
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starlit-typewriter · 5 months
Text
Genshin SAGAU, Creator of Teyvat, but not Humanity Part 6
Thank you to everyone who liked and commented, it really kept me motivated!
Warning for mild self harm, nothing graphic. There are no depressive feelings associated with it.
Warning for Spoilers up to 4.6
Masterlist | Prev Part | Next Part
~~~
You’re honestly not sure how long you’ve been sitting in the beautiful meadow, enjoying the scenery and the sounds of nature. 
You spent some time staring at the glowing yellow flowers, admiring their soft silken petals. 
You also spent some splashing around in the small river nearby. Its crystal clear blue water lets you see all the way to the bottom. 
The singing of birdsong echo through the beautiful meadow, providing a beautiful atmosphere. 
It’s probably been some time now since you’ve arrived, as the sun is starting to set and the sky was getting dark.
Well, it’s no fun sitting in a dark meadow, you reasoned, may as well see if you could find someplace to sleep. 
You wander over to the gigantic tree that stood as a centerpiece to this meadow and started to investigate its roots to see if there were any nook-worthy spots.
To your surprise you found, well it’s not a nook, but a cave.
Even better!
You scoot your way down, mindful of the steep incline. 
In the back of your head you realize you should probably be panicked about the fact you’re in the middle of nowhere, alone and with nothing, but its only the back of your head, which means the front part that actually makes the decisions is happily powering on. 
At the back of the cave, is not a wall of rock and dirt, you know like you’d expect the back of a cave to be like, but rather a glowing wall of golden symbols.
There’s also a strange energy behind the glowing wall that’s beckoning you closer.
That voice in the back of your head is outright screaming about how insane this whole situation is, but again as we’ve already established, it’s the back not the front. Therefore you reach out to touch the glowing wall of golden symbols.
You expect nothing to happen, because it’s a wall and you’re just touching it. But something does happen, to you, not the wall. The wall is fine, at least you think it’s fine because you can’t see it anymore.
Instead you see this gigantic underground cavern with a giant round rock in the center, surrounded by other large tall rocks and what looks to be a golden fence surrounding the aforementioned round rock.
Then the round rock starts to move.
Update, that is not a rock it is a living thing that looks like a rock.
You think it might be making some kind of sound, but there’s all of a sudden a loud buzzing in your ears that you can’t get rid of.
You shake your head in hopes it’ll do something, to no avail. Actually it makes it quite a bit worse, since you now have a bit of a headache.
You would like to investigate the creature that was once the large round rock so you start to move closer.
As you do the buzzing in your ears and the pounding in your head gets worse, but you can’t seem to stop your feet from moving you closer to the center. Or really your entire body because it would be weird if it was just your feet moving you closer when your entire body is trying to get away, that would probably look like a weird fusion of a tug of war and a crab dance wouldn't it.
Oh you’re at the golden gate now.
At this point your head feels like it’s splitting open. But your hand moves to touch the golden fence, only for it to shatter into golden sparkling particles. 
Before you can process what just happened, the round rock creature moves towards you at a speed that your brain honestly can’t comprehend due to it being in debilitating pain.
It doesn’t run you over or attack you, but rather it nudges you gently with its snout.
Dragon
The word went unsaid.
Yet it echoed in your mind nonetheless.
They’ve never met a dragon before, not do they know what one should look like. 
But now, looking into the topaz eyes of this creature, you knew in your heart of hearts that they were a dragon.
He was also talking to you.
You couldn’t understand what he was saying.
But you can sense his pain.
You can sense anger, rage, helplessness, fear
And
Relief
Your vision is suddenly filled with glowing golden particles.
The world seems to come alive with energy as it pours into your body.
Flashes of scenes and people run through your head.
These scenes, 
No
These memories.
They’re 
Yours?
But,
Also his?
Azhdaha.
His name falls from your lips as your weakened knees give out.
That was his name,
He was dying
Eroding
But, he still remembered his history
His kin
His family
He gave you his memories,
His powers
And in doing so,
It killed him.
But awakened you.
Glittering tears dripped off your fluttering eyelids as you struggled to wrap your mind over what happened.
Flashes of a history you never knew,
Memories of a family you never had.
Images of a swirling cosmos, dancing around your form. Joy, curiosity, freedom
An orb of golden light, zipping around you like a beloved pet. Fondness, concern, excitement.
The shadow of a large flying creature passing overtop you. Awe, pride, trust.
A pair of desperate golden eyes, apologetic and pleading as a searing pain overwhelms you. Betrayal, pain, hurt, hurt, huRT, HURT.
A sharp, sickening, burning pain fills your body as you fight the urge to cough blood.
Eons upon eons of pain and anger and betrayal crashes into you, bringing you to the floor.
There’s screaming, and pain.
Sounds of something crumbling and falling are but whispers in your ear as they’re filled with the sound of your pounding heart.
Your eyes burn with tears as you lay there.
Your tears stain the earth in front you.
Laying there on your side, you can feel the softness of the cool dirt, and a slight breeze in the air.
It was silent
Not a single birdsong nor the sounds of trickling water to be found.
Your heart bursting with more emotion than they could bear.
How could anyone live like this?
Every moment, every action, every thought is wracked with agony and pain.
All you could do was curl up in a ball and hope it all fades.
Little by little it does.
The fear, pain, panic, and sorrow are all stripped away.
Seeping into the cold hard dirt beneath you, replacing you with a familiar sense of numbness.
You breathe, feeling nothing
This is why you were so calm, you realized.
Even as you got transported to a foreign place, got threatened at sword point and lost all your belongings.
You knew that there was something wrong with your mindset, but you were so calm that you didn't think to question it.
But now, with the dried tear tracks on your face, you realize.
Something is very very wrong with this place.
It's like something or someone is constantly pumping you with a sedative, urging you to not focus on things that make you unhappy.
Even now, a part of you is trying to forget what just happened, to go back to wandering through the flowers.
To close your eyes and ears to the horrors and memories of the past.
No
No, you can't forget.
Azhdaha died for this.
He died to give you a chance at remembering.
You dug your nails into your skin until you felt it split open and something wet trickle out.
The pain helped ground you.
Helped you remember.
With all that swirling around in your mind, you had many questions.
Where am I?
What happened?
Why is this going on?
But the central one remains clear.
Who are you?
~~~
“-ao”
“-iao, please!”
The adeptus turned his head at the call.
While not many people knew his name, there were still times when those who didn’t know better used his name in vain. 
Either those who weren’t sure who its was connected to, or those who didn’t care.
But this one was different.
It wasn’t full of arrogant confidence that he wouldn’t hear.
Nor the simple curiosity of an irritating scholar.
This one was full of fear and panic.
From a familiar voice.
Summoning his adeptal energy he focused on that call, and willed himself to disappear.
The next moment he opened his eyes, it was to a sight that made his blood run cold.
The Traveler, usually so strong and bright and full of life, collapsed on the ground, their flying companion panicking.
He raced over, senses on high alert for any nearby enemies.
“Xiao!” The flying pixie shot over to his side, her hands twisted into her clothing in stress.
“What happened,” he demanded, checking over their body for any wounds or abyssal energy, but could find none. All the while Paimon blabbed helplessly about how they were just walking like normal when they dropped like a stone for no reason.
The conqueror of demons pressed his ear to their chest to see if he could hear a heartbeat.
Thankfully it was beating strong.
He moved over to their head, to examine their breathing and check for head wounds.
He cradled their body in his lap and he looked over their skull for any bumps or wounds.
Unbeknownst to him, as he was checking over this head, the Traveler’s eyes snapped open.
They sat up rapidly, almost hitting Xiao’s chin in their frantic panic.
“Azhdaha,” they breathed, scrambling to their feet and taking a couple of shaky steps.
The Yaksha leaped forward to catch them as they swayed.
The Traveler blinked at their savior.
“Xiao?” They breathed, their eyes glassy and unfocused.
“Are you ok,” he asked gently, trying not to spook them in their disorientated state. 
They blinked at him slowly, before pushing themselves upright. They seemed to be focused on something in the distance.
He shook them slightly, they startled at the contact. They turned to face him, the glassiness in their eyes fading slightly.
“We need to check on Azhdaha,” their tone showed no room for argument.
Xiao had many questions he wanted to ask, but, well.
The Traveler is never this serious. Only a couple times before have they seen them with this look on their face, that was always in the heat of battle.
He wanted to argue, but he knew that they wouldn’t ask like this without cause. 
Not to mention they’d probably go investigate without him if he didn’t agree. 
He exchanged looks with Paimon, who whilst still looking understandably stressed, seemed to to know better than to argue with the Traveler in such a state.
So he nods in agreement, offering his hand to take them to Nantianmen.
In a swirl of Adeptal and Anemo power, the three disappeared.
~~~
As the trio raced towards the base of Mt. Hulao , they noticed an issue.
A glaring issue,
The biggest landmark, the proof of Azhdaha’s sealing. 
The crystalline tree that became the dragon’s tail.
It was gone.
It also seemed that they were not the only people who came to investigate.
A handsome gentleman in a brown and gold suit stood at the edge of where the tree used to be.
At the edge of a giant crater.
“Lord La- Zhongli,” the Yaksha breathed, stalling to a stop behind him.
The man in question turned at his call, his gaze tired as it swept over the three of them. 
“What happened,” the Traveler demanded, walking up to him.
He sighed, seeming very old and tired.  “It seems that Azhdaha has passed on.”
There was a moment,
“WHAT!” Paimon’s shriek echoed through the meadow.
“But, I thought you said that the energy from ki-” Zhongli raises a hand, interrupting her tirade.
“A normal death would result in a backlash that would level the entirety of Jueyun Karst, that is true.” He turned back to the edge of the crater, “But this is no normal death.”
The four of them peered over the edge of the crater.
A small bedraggled figure lay there in the center, their white clothing stained with dirt and soot. 
“It seems,” he breathed, “that he’s given his energy to someone else before passing on.”
~~~
Masterlist | Prev Part | Next Part
This one is a little shorter, but I just had to end it here, its such a perfect cliffhan- I mean ending.
Again, the next couple updates might take a while, but I promise I'm trying my best.
My askbox is always open if you have any question, concerns or just wanna chat about Genshin.
Behold, the taglist!
@bunniotomia,@lucid-stories, @ymechi, @chocogi,  @ra404, @ash1, @esthelily, @tottybear, @mmeatt, @quacking-simp, @reemthetheme, @universallyenthusiastsage, @resident-cryptid, @fantasyhopperhea, @thedevioussmirk, @etherisy, @naynayaa ,@mel-star636, @chericia, @aithane, @mmeatt, @xrosegorex
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mym1na · 2 months
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୨ৎ SKATER GIRL ─ HANNI PHAM.
— 001. RAN OVER, half written.
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#FLASHBACK!
11:40 AM | 📍some sidewalk idk man
Hanni, on a random Friday, continued her routine. She got ready, left her house, and then skated to Minji’s house to hang out with the older girl.
Hanni was too busy enjoying the music that was playing on her headphones, letting her music and skateboard guide her through the path she takes almost every day, not paying any attention to her surroundings. So imagine the surprise she had when, the moment she gained consciousness, she suddenly noticed a figure that emerged from nowhere.
“What the fuck—” A sudden, panicked voice yelled out. Hanni's eyes bulged at the figure, skidding to a halt and nearly falling off her board after hearing the other faint voice. Hanni removed her headphones before looking over the girl to make sure she didn’t hit her in any way. “I’m so sorry!” Hanni says with a panicky and awkward stare.
“Did you almost kill me by running me over with a skateboard?” Yn’s brows furrowed with disbelief that she had almost died in a skateboard accident. Absolutely embarrassing.
“Well, I didn’t mean to,” Hanni replied, awkwardly grabbing her skateboard from the ground and sliding it under her arms to keep it still.
“And also, I doubt you would’ve died from it, so—uh.”
Yn frowned at this. “You don’t know that.” She says this while looking down at her watch.
“Shit. I’m late. Thanks for almost running me over; you made me even more late, gosh.” Yn says while moving away from Hanni, speed-walking past Hanni without any glance.
Hanni just watched the girl walk away, staring at her until she slowly disappeared from the distance.
“I should’ve asked for her number,” Hanni muttered to herself before blinking herself out of the trance she was stuck in. She shook her head before continuing the path she was on, on foot instead, just to make sure she wouldn’t almost run any more pretty girls.
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12:05 PM | 📍Minji’s place (🏳️‍🌈)
“So, let me get this straight—” Minji paused to take a bite of the ice cream she was eating. “You almost did a hit-and-run on a skateboard; she was slightly rude, but yet you still wanted her number?” Minji said, trying to understand the situation properly and finding the whole thing silly in the best way possible. “What? I like them a little mean.” Hanni says with a huff, leaning into the chair she was sitting in as Minji snorts at the response she was given.
“Until they get too mean.”
“That’s why I said a little mean.” Hanni said.
Hanni let out a depressive sigh. “You think I’m going to see her again?”
Minji shrugged, putting her ice cream down beside her and pulling out her phone. “I don’t know; probably, apparently, we all meet someone twice.”
“I hope I meet her again.”
“That girl probably told you to kill yourself, and you’re over here like, 'awhhh, I miss this girl'; you don’t even know her.” Minji made fun of the girl for being in a lover girl era with someone who seems to not give a fuck.
“Okay and?? Don’t be jealous that a pretty girl looked in my direction.” Hanni rolled her eyes with a huff.
Minji snorted once more, now scrolling on her phone, probably wandering around in the jungle called the internet. Minji’s brow furrowed in curiosity as she stared down at her phone. “Haerin replied to a tweet.”
“Okay…?” Hanni questioned why Minji was telling her this, as, you know, everyone replies to something.
“To a girl who is complaining about almost getting run over by a skateboard.” Minji finished her sentence, and not even two seconds later, Hanni was by her side, looking at the girl’s phone.
“What.” Was all Hanni said before grabbing Minji’s phone out of her hands, quicker than the flash.
“Hey!”
“Shhh.” Hanni moved her hand towards Minji’s mouth, covering it so the girl could keep quiet.
Hanni stared at Haerin's reply. Going to the girl’s account and straight to the following so she can find her “hit and run” girl.
“Is that stalking?” Minji muffled from Hanni’s hand. Hanni quickly took her hand off Minji’s mouth to give her a quick slap on the head before landing her hand right back on Minji's mouth. Earning herself a small “ow” from the girl.
“No.”
“I’m gonna text her.”
Minji quickly removed Hanni’s hand from her mouth, snatching her phone back. “Text her on your phone, not mine, you stupid gay.”
Hanni let out an annoyed sigh before rushing to pull out her phone. Repeating the same steps as before, she stopped and thought to herself, Maybe it did seem like she was stalking if she just sent her a dm.
“I’m gonna text Haerin.”
“Why?”
“…I don’t want to look like I’m stalking.” Hanni sent Minji a glare, knowing the girl was going to take that as a win, like Hanni was admitting to stalking.
Minji went to open her mouth, but before she could, Hanni spoke before her.
“Shut up.”
“I didn’t say anything!” Minji acted shocked, throwing her hands up in the air as if she wasn’t going to do anything.
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MASTERLIST | NEXT
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[OPEN] TAGSLIST ༄ @saysirhc @aeriigfs @sixflame438 @idkwhatim-doinghere101 @luvqiris @frenchyypoo @wintersgff
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pedrointofolklore · 1 year
Text
This is me trying
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pairing: joel miller x f!reader
summary: joel hated you. he hated the risks you took, the danger you put yourself in, the total lack of value you had for your own life. he hated how much he worried about you. click here for part two.
warnings: detailed depictions of depression, heavily implied suicidal ideation, slight violence, angst with a sprinkle of fluff, no explicit smut but it does get very suggestive (minors do not interact), minor character death, enemies to lovers, poor communication, misunderstandings, these fools don’t know how to act, joel is an asshole but then he’s sweet, brief mention of drug use, lots of swearing, age gap (unspecified), no use of y/n, boston era/ellie era.
word count: 2.6k
a/n: hey y’all. i just wanted to thank everyone who supported my last story rosebud (here’s a link if you want to read it). this story is a lot different and a lot sadder. i got the title from my favourite pop girlie taylor alison swift.
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Joel hated you. It had to be his worst kept secret.
You hadn’t done anything to him. You used to think about it constantly, desperate to know what his reason was for despising you like he did, but you eventually accepted that he didn’t need a reason. He just didn’t like you. 
Joel wasn’t particularly likeable himself. He was rude and intimidating and one of the most morally bankrupt people you’d ever met, but you didn’t hate him the way he hated you. You were Tess’s lackey—Joel tolerated you, and you supposed he wasn’t obligated to do any more than that. Although, he didn’t do it very well.
You’d existed in each other’s orbit in the QZ for a while, and finally met one night in the boarded-up old mall when you’d gotten to a stash of painkillers just before them. Joel wouldn’t have hesitated to shoot you between the eyes if Tess hadn’t been there.
Tess saw something in you—not a friend, not a life worth sparing by virtue of humanity; a business investment.
And it was a smart investment. You were young, agile and clever, incredible at slipping by unnoticed and gathering information. You knew all the best routes, the best times to take them, and you could swindle anyone out of their rations just by batting your eyelashes. You were willing to take the lead, to be the first one in and out to make sure the coast was clear.
It wasn’t the threat of death or the promise of mercy that made you join them—it was the sense of purpose it gave you.
Joel was adamantly against it. Things worked fine the way they did them, and he saw no reason to add another person into it.
“Don’t need to fix something that ain’t broken,” was how he’d put it.
You didn’t dispute that. Joel and Tess had survived for years, and they were clearly more than capable of getting the job done, but what you lacked in experience, you made up for in stealth and speed—something their aging knees struggled with.
Tess convinced Joel, which you soon found out she was very good at. You also found out that his compliance didn’t mean hiding his resentment.
He thought you were a careless, impulsive loose cannon, and he’d told you so after a particularly dicey deal with a particularly dicey FEDRA agent.
“You’re gonna get yourself killed one of these days.” He followed you into your apartment uninvited. Tess made him walk you home, and you were sure he only did it because he wanted to berate you.
“Why do you care?” you asked, tossing your keys onto the counter. They slid off and hit the floor.
“You’re with us,” Joel replied. “You'll get us killed.”
You scoffed and rolled your eyes—you knew that infuriated him. “Am I on crack or have you not doubled your profits since I showed up?”
“I think you’re dangerous,” Joel said, ignoring you. “Always sneakin’ around, goin’ places you shouldn’t, playin’ mind games with FEDRA. Your luck’s gonna run out sooner or later, and I just hope I’m not around when it does.”
Your face burned with red-hot anger as you tried to fight the stinging in your eyes and the blurring of your vision, but you were too far gone. The tears fell, and they were ceaseless. You felt pathetic, but you knew this would happen. You didn’t often cry from sadness or pain, but anger always managed to bring it out in you.
“Who the fuck are you to tell me that?” you hissed. “You’re saying you don’t sneak around? You’ve never scammed anyone? You’re a smuggler, Joel! Be fucking real with me.”
“It’s different,” he said, clenching his jaw.
“Why, because you’re older? Because you have more experience?”
“‘Cause I don’t think I’m fuckin’ special.”
If his words were the dagger, the pure contempt in his tone was what plunged it into your stomach, twisted it, and left a gaping hole for all of your despair to come pouring out of, leaving behind a puddle of melancholia for him to gaze at in all its miserable glory.
It was the only time you might have hated Joel as much as he hated you. Working with him and Tess wasn’t perfect, but it was all you had, and now he’d managed to make it all meaningless. Your help wasn’t helping.
“Fuck you, Joel,” you spat.
You should have quit then, and you thought about it. After pounding your fists into Joel’s chest and screaming at him to get the fuck out of your apartment, you sunk down onto the floor and cried. You cried until you ran out of tears and were left with a nothing but a throbbing headache. You took a pill, passed out, and woke up to you discover that you’d lost the energy to really care about any of it.
You didn’t quit. If anything, you became even more audacious, but you never confused it with courage or bravery. Bravery was perseverance in the face of terror. Joel and Tess were brave. You weren’t like them.
Joel laid off after that. He wasn’t anything close to nice, but whatever animosity he held towards you was only ever expressed as quiet seething, and you could live with that.
Any fulfilment you got out of working with Joel and Tess dissolved, but for what it was, it still worked.
Until it didn’t.
Tess was dead. The buffer between you and Joel was gone, and you had no choice but to work together and get the immune girl to Wyoming.
You wondered if there was a silver-lining in this wreckage. You thought that circumstance might force Joel to finally get along with you, and so you did the one thing you never did—you tried. You tried to help him, tried to speak to him like he was someone you actually wanted to speak to, tried to rein in some of your more annoying traits so you wouldn’t get on his nerves.
None of it worked. All you could get out of Joel seemed to be irritated mumbles and blank stares, and you couldn’t even blame him after what happened to Tess.
You never really knew if Tess actually gave a shit about you, or if she only ever cared about having an extra pair of hands around. Either way, you cared about her.
So, once again, you tried. When Joel and Ellie were sleeping—or at least pretending to—you walked down to the stream and tried to cry for her, but you couldn’t muster the tears. You even tried to get angry, mentally cuss her out for leaving you behind, but your eyes were dry.
You stared into the water, gazing at the way it sparkled in the starlight, and thought that the world didn’t deserve such a pretty sight. You couldn’t cry, but a deep sadness overtook you, weighing you down like lead.
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Joel didn’t hate you.
He just hated how impulsive and reckless you were. He hated that you were smart, intuitive, and so maddeningly beautiful. He hated the risks you took, the danger you put yourself in, the total lack of value you had for your own life. He hated how much he worried about you.
There was a time he had disliked you. He used to think it was arrogance—that you truly believed you were so special that you could get away with anything. It was when he called you out on it that he realised how wrong he was.
Your reaction was frightening. You cried and screamed at him, pushed him out of your space. He didn’t know you were capable of such a strong display of emotion, but he’d struck a nerve, and those were the repercussions.
He recalled how the blows to his chest didn’t hurt, like there was no force behind them. You weren’t weak at all, you just couldn’t find the willpower to really hurt him. He wished you had hurt him. Maybe getting it out of your system would have helped. Maybe he wouldn’t have had to feel so guilty.
It became so obvious to him what was happening, and he felt like an idiot for not understanding it sooner. It wasn’t that you thought you were special, or immune to the consequences—you just didn’t care what happened to you.
Now Tess was gone, and he had this horrible feeling that he was going to lose you too.
His way of dealing with it was to push you away even more. He told himself it would make things easier when you inevitably left him.
Things came to a head one night after the three of you left Lincoln. Joel had been driving all day, and he would be doing it again the next day. He was in desperate need of sleep, but as he stared out into the eerie darkness of the woods, he couldn’t shake the feeling that something terrible would happen if he didn’t stay awake.
He heard the rustling of a sleeping bag sometime after midnight. He thought it was you just rolling over in your sleep—something you often did—but then he heard the faint sound of dead leaves crunching under feet, and you were by his side a moment later.
“What are you doing, Joel?” you asked in a soft, sleepy voice that made his chest ache.
“Keepin’ watch,” he replied bluntly.
“But you’re driving tomorrow,” you said. “You need sleep.”
“I’m fine.”
“I’ve slept, so I can take over,” you offered.
“I just told you I’m fine.”
“I’m just trying to help—”
“I don’t need your fucking help.”
You backed off, hanging your head in shame, and he instantly felt horrible—you were being nice to him and he was still being a complete asshole.
Joel tried to tear his gaze away from you. He wanted to pretend this wasn’t happening, that he hadn’t just done that, but his eyes stayed on you. He watched the shame dissolve and replace itself with indignation. You pulled your head up and glared at him with a fire in your eyes that threatened to burn right through him.
“I get it, okay? I’m sorry.”
“What are you talkin’ about?”
“I never meant for you to get stuck with me. I know it’s your worst fucking nightmare. If I could switch places with Tess—“
“Stop.” He wouldn’t hear that. He couldn’t. It would kill him. “That’s not—I’m not thinkin’ that. I’m glad you’re here, understand? I need you with me.”
You let out a bitter laugh. The sound hit his ears like a gunshot. “You just told me you didn’t. All you’ve done—all you’ve ever done—is act like I’m a fucking waste of space.”
Joel’s mouth when dry, his heart dropped to his stomach, and he thought he might vomit. It shouldn’t have shocked him like it did, but hearing you say it made him sick. He put the gun he’d been clutching down on the ground, disarming himself in more ways than one. “I don’t think that…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I just—fuck—I don’t know. I don’t know anything. Are you gonna leave?”
“Leave this mission or this mortal coil?"
“Either, I guess.”
“Do you want me to leave?” Your voice was just a whisper, and it felt like you were ripping Joel’s heart out and crushing it in your hands.
Fuck no, he didn’t want you to leave, and that was what scared him the most; feeling attached to someone so detached (and yes, he was a hypocrite). He wouldn’t be able to take it if he woke up one day and you were gone.
But he couldn’t keep doing this to you. It was selfish and cowardly and it just made everything worse. He made everything worse.
“I can’t do this without you,” he told you. He hadn’t known how true it was until he said it.
“Okay.”
“I’m serious.” He felt suddenly impassioned. “You can’t…if you…just don’t. Promise me you won’t.” He couldn’t say it, couldn’t let the words out of his mouth and into the universe. You both knew what he meant.
“I promise,” you said. You sounded oddly tranquil, but Joel was destroyed, even though he knew he didn’t have the right to be—this was entirely his fault.
“Can you let me keep watch so you can get some sleep?” you asked again.
He shook his head.
“Why not?”
“Just need to know where you are.”
You stared at him, eyes wide and glossy, and for a second he thought you might start crying. Before he could think of something to do or say, your hands were on either side of his face, pulling him down into an urgent kiss.
He didn’t know what was happening, what you were thinking, or what he was thinking, but it didn’t matter, he just knew he needed to kiss you back. One of his hands found your waist while the other splayed out across your back, pulling you flush against him.
It was nowhere near sweet. It was intense and unyielding—a frantic clashing of teeth and bruising of lips. It was intoxicating, earth-shattering, but felt so right, like it was always meant to happen—or needed to happen.
Your arms wrapped around his neck, somehow bringing him impossibly closer to you. You hiked a leg up around his hip and tugged his pelvis forward. He ran a hand down from your waist, brushing it over your ass and gripping your thigh.
You rolled your hips into his, eliciting a deep, involuntary groan from him. He was painfully hard. He knew he would regret this, but he set your leg down and managed to tear his mouth away from yours. 
He missed the feeling immediately, and he didn’t have the self-control to pull away completely. His hands were still on you, pressing you against him. You looked so pretty and ruined gazing back at him; breathless and flustered with pink, swollen lips.
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Fuck.
You had just kissed Joel Miller, the man you hated. 
You didn’t hate him.
You kissed the man who hated you.
He didn’t hate you.
You kissed the only person you had left. You kissed him even though it made no sense. You kissed him because you wanted to.
You started it, but then he stopped it. His eyes were dark, his face was flushed, and the bulge in his jeans was not going away. He looked like he was in pain, struggling with his own conscience.
“Sorry,” you whispered.
“Don’t be sorry.” He grinned softly and reached a hand up to tangle in your hair. It was an unexpectedly sweet gesture. “I liked it.”
Your heart melted. He was so lovely, so dear. You never imagined in your wildest dreams that Joel Miller could be like this.
“Just don’t wanna take advantage,” he said.
“You’re not. I kissed you,” you reminded him.
“I know, but you're upset, and you don’t like me much, and you’re tired. Don’t want you doing anything you don’t actually wanna do.”
You did want it, but you were also overwhelmed and exhausted, and more importantly, it would have been a majorly fucked up thing to do with a 14 year old sleeping 20 feet away.
“But if you still want it later”—he gave you another chaste kiss—“you can have it.”
You giggled, kissing him one more time. You didn’t know when you'd be able to again.
His gentle smile faded, and he looked into your eyes with devastating sincerity. “I got you now, okay?”
“I know, Joel.”
“Do you have me?” he asked.
“I’m trying.” You hoped that would be enough, because it was all you had.
“That’s all I need, sweetheart.”
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a/n: so i wrote most of this when i was sick with the flu and i fully intended for it to be a one-shot, but i love this dynamic and i’m thinking of exploring it further. let me know if y’all would be interested in seeing more of these two. (edit: this a/n is now redundant bc i did in fact write the sequel).
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luvingshidou · 4 months
Note
shidou reuniting with s/o after training overseas . . . ♡
YESSSSSZSSZZXZZZ🤞🤞🤞🤞 THANK U ANONNNN
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ᯓᡣ𐭩 RECONNECTED.
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shidou ryusei x fem!! reader
synopsis: shidou seeing you again after training overseas for football
warnings: fem pov, shidou.
probz ooc
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3 weeks, 4 days, 6 hours, 35 minutes, and 52 seconds since Shidou saw you last. It was too long without you he felt like he had tripled in age every minute at those excruciatingly long day without out you. Fuck he was having literally withdraws. He NEEDED to see you NOW. But no, he had to wait on the plane only 30 minutes till he landed. It was almost tempting to jump out the plane and parachute his way down. His teammates were concerned. Shidou looked almost depressed, his teammates heard everything thing about you, even the more intimate details, but they still didn't expect Shidou to look so sad.
The blonde haired 'demon' laid in the luxurious business class seat, letting out a sigh probably so someone would as him what was wrong, just so he could yap continously about you, but his teammates new better. Unfortunately, his phone died, so he couldn't blow up your phone with text messages, he felt fucking helpless. God, couldn't the plane go any fucking slower???
Luckily, as soon as they landed after a lifetime, Shidou dashed off the plane at the speed of life. He sprinted, running through the boarding bridge, probably scaring the flight attendants in the process. He ran to the baggage reclaim, praying that his bag would hurry the fuck up. As soon as he saw his bag coming around the covervelt he dived for it, grabbing it and the running over to the main terminal. Thank the heavens it wasn't busy. He got out and looked everywhere for you like a lost puppy, that when he saw you facing away from him.
He dashed over to you, wrapping his arms around your waist, chuckling slightly as you let out a yelp of suprise, a wide grin adorned on his face as he spun you around to face him. He didn't waste any time, cupping your cheeks in his hand as he smashed his lips against yours immediately sticking his tongue practically down your throat. After a couple minutes of making out in an almost empty airport, he slowly pulled away from the kiss.
"I missed ya so fuckin' much, Princess." He says, his grin as wide as ever. His hand wrapped around your waist so he could be as close to you as humanly possible.
"Missed you too, Ryu." You say, giggling slightly as the 6 foot 1 striker cuddled you like a love sick teenager.
"Let's go home, yeah??? We gonna cuddle for the rest of the day." Shidou says, picking you up in his arms while also carrying his luggage. God only you could make him like this.
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back at again bitches!!! send more reqs NOWWW ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ )
258 notes · View notes
fluentmoviequoter · 5 months
Text
Speed Limit 2525
Requested Here!
Pairing: Tim Bradford x fem!reader
Summary: When Tim Bradford goes head-to-head with a bomber, he finds himself on a bus carrying a bomb and you.
Warnings: spoilers for Speed (1994) (I think this qualifies as an AU/rewrite), angst, bombings, nightmares, death and fear of dying, teasing, fluff, a little make out scene at the end? basically every warning that applies to the movie and The Rookie. I also made up a story about "Reaper"
Word Count: 11.7k+ words
A/N: This isn't completely proofread, but I'll be back soon to check it. I hope you enjoy!🤍
Masterlist Directory | Tim Bradford Masterlist | Request Info/Fandom List
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Shoot him.
Tim doesn’t feel the trigger depress, only the hot desert air beating against his face. Though the trigger doesn’t move, a bullet rips through the barrel and into Tim’s only surviving squad member. He yells to warn his teammate, but no sound comes out. The wind is loud in the desert, yet the sound of Tim’s friend falling against the sand seems to echo for miles.
“Bradford,” the injured soldier coughs. “Wrong target, Reaper.”
Tim’s chest is tight with guilt and anxiety when he wakes. The sheets are wrapped tightly around his legs, and his shallow breaths distract him from freeing himself. Before he has time to orient himself, Tim’s phone rings and snaps him out of his post-nightmare, adrenaline-fueled state as he reaches across the empty pillow to answer it.
“Bradford,” he says.
“Get to the station as soon as you can,” Sergeant Grey demands. “Your Metro captain has me calling everybody in. We’re sending patrol units out, too. It’s gonna be a long day, Tim.”
Tim forgets about the nightmare and the memory within as he rushes to get ready. Tim’s tunnel vision focuses on work, and everything else fades away. Middle-of-the-night calls aren’t unusual, especially for a Metro Sergeant like himself, but this many officers getting a wake-up call is. Whatever is happening is big, and it doesn’t sound to Tim like it will be over any time soon. He makes it to the station in record time, and his commander is directing the other Metro officers when he enters.
“We don’t have time,” she says suddenly. “I’m running this force from here. Sergeant Grey will fill you in on the way. Get to the target location and stick together. Bradford, you’re with Temple!”
Tim nods as Harry Temple walks to his side. Harry was one of Angela Lopez’s first patrol partners, but he decided Metro was a better fit when the time to move forward in his career came along. Like Tim, he was in the Army before becoming a police officer, and he and Tim have some shared experiences. Neither of them is overly eager to bond over them, however.
“Do you know what’s going on?” Tim asks Harry as he turns on the lights and sirens in the shop.
“All I heard was ‘elevator,’” Harry answers. “I’m assuming they’re more to this than that.”
“Listen up,” Sergeant Grey says over the radio. “This is your official brief. When we roll up to the scene, we go straight in. No time for questions after we exit these cars. Fifteen people are trapped on an express elevator. The owner of the building is also inside. A bomb took out the cables, and our bomber is demanding three million dollars, or he blows the emergency brake, too. Cell phone service is spotty in the building, so we can’t rely on that to track anyone or anything.”
“Cell phone service is nonexistent in the elevator. A defensive move against trade secrets,” someone adds.
“What’s our clock, Sergeant?” Harry radios.
“He gave one hour when he called, which leaves us with twenty-eight minutes.”
“The only thing that’ll stop the elevator is the basement, right?” Tim adds.
“The city plans to avoid that. They’re working to release the money.”
Tim stops the shop beside the curb at the front of the building. He leaves the lights on as he and Harry remove their weapons from the back and meet the rest of their tactical team in the lobby.
“We can’t just unload them,” an officer says.
“The bomber wired the elevator doors and the hatch to trigger the bomb. So, he’s crazy, but he ain’t stupid,” Wade explains as he enters.
“Harry volunteers to examine the device,” Tim interjects. “He was on the bomb squad in the Army.”
Harry turns to glare at Tim as he says, “Right. And since Bradford also has Army experience, he’d like to provide a second opinion.”
“Fine,” Wade says. “You two check it out. Hey! Where’s the nearest access panel?”
“32nd floor,” a nearby employee answers on his way out. “It’s in the hall by the storage closet.”
“Report only. We’re in a holding pattern until we get word from your Commander back at the station. Confirm building evac and keep your radios active.”
“What about the other elevators?” Harry asks the employee.
“In an emergency, all passenger cars go to the nearest floor and shut down,” he says.
Tim frowns and moves his gun to his side. “Looks like we’re walking up the stairs.”
Harry nods before sprinting up the stairs behind Tim. Tim outpaces him but waits at the access panel for Harry to arrive with his small tool kit. He begins removing the nuts from the metal cover while Tim watches the hallway. Harry gives Tim a signal and Tim lifts the metal sheet. Light filters into the elevator shaft as Tim crawls through the opening and moves to the top of the elevator, where the bomb rests.
“Ladies and gentlemen, this is the L.A.P.D.,” Tim announces loudly. “There has been an elevator malfunction. Just relax and we’ll have you out of there as soon as possible.”
Harry looks up from the bomb and raises his hands in question.
“I didn’t lie,” Tim defends.
“I don’t recognize this work, Tim. Whoever our bomber is… he’s a pro and the work is solid,” Harry says.
“Bradford, Temple, hold position,” Wade radios. “We’re waiting to hear back from the bomber.”
Tim looks at his watch and muffles a curse. Their time is nearly out, and Tim continues to look at his watch rather than think about the lives in the metal death trap below his feet.
Harry sees the look in Tim’s eyes and decides to distract him. “Terrorist in a crowded room, five pounds of dynamite. He’s got a deadman’s stick. What do you do?”
“How close am I?” Tim asks, looking away from the elevator.
“Twenty feet.”
“Taser. He can’t let go with enough volts surging through him.”
“Alright, hot shot. Fifty feet?”
“Nice try.”
“Airport, then. Gunman with one hostage, using her for cover. He’s almost on a plane, you’re a hundred feet away.”
“Why is the hostage always a woman in these scenarios? Watch too many romcoms in the academy?”
“What do you do?” Harry repeats.
Tim kneels to examine the bomb once more and remembers his nightmare. Shoot him. He shakes his head before answering, “Shoot the hostage. Take her out of the equation, he can’t get to the plane, and I have a clear shot.”
“You are out of your mind, Bradford.”
“This is wrong,” Tim says suddenly. “He’s gonna blow it. How much do you think this elevator weighs?”
“Why? You wanna try to bench it?”
Tim doesn’t acknowledge the teasing as he adds, “We can do something about the hostages.”
“No shoot them, right?”
“Roof,” Tim reads as he points to a roof access sign. There’s a heavy-duty winch secured to the corner of the roof, and Tim runs to it as he says, “We don’t shoot them. Just take them out of the equation.”
Tim pulls the cable from the winch toward the elevator housing on the roof. He drops it in and watches it fall several feet before it catches.
“It’ll hold,” Tim tells Harry. “It’ll hold,” he repeats, quieter.
“Six minutes,” Harry alerts.
Tim throws his legs over the edge of the housing and lowers carefully onto the elevator cable. He hooks the winch hook to his tactical vest before moving down in the elevator shaft. Wade and the Metro team argue with the city council about releasing the money in the lobby, and no one has a clue that the shooter is listening to their radio frequencies. Without cell phones, they’re completely reliant on their radios to stay in touch with one another. Tim ignores his radio as he flips so he’s headfirst as he nears the trapped elevator.
“One more pop quiz,” Harry begins. “Psycho Sergeant Tim Bradford rigs an elevator to drop thirty stories. What do you do?”
Tim rolls his eyes before gesturing for Harry to hold the winch cable steady. A small pile of C4 waits beside his feet, but Tim ignores it as he secures the cable hook to the frame of the elevator.
“Why did I take this job?” Tim murmurs.
“Hey, a few more decades and you get a tiny pension and a free watch,” Harry answers.
“Hit the switch, Temple.”
Harry runs to the winch, hoping that the cables used to wash windows are strong enough to catch a free-falling elevator. He flips the switch, and the winch begins pulling in the cable. As the extra cable Tim pulled into the shaft begins unspooling, he moves up to the open access panel.
In the basement, a man missing a thumb presses a button on his handheld device. Instantaneously, a red light illuminates on the bomb. Tim sees it and throws himself through the access panel just before the bomb goes off. The passengers begin screaming, but the winch catches the falling elevator before it reaches the bottom of the shaft.
“What is happening, Bradford?” Wade asks, his concern evident over the radio.
“He’s early!” Harry yells as he returns from the roof.
“We have to get them out of the elevator. They can’t be lower than 28,” Tim exclaims.
When he and Harry meet the rest of their team on the 28th floor, they see that the elevator is stranded between floors. Only the floor is accessible from their current position, but there is no time to run up and down the stairs and look for the perfect access point. The elevator passengers lower to the floor and Tim and Harry pull people out one at a time. Tim pulls the last woman to safety seconds before the winch fails and the elevator plummets to the bottom of the shaft. After the sound of impact, Tim and Harry lean back against a wall and pant from the effort they exerted.
“Is your watch slow?” Tim asks.
“Nah. He jumped the gun,” Harry says with a shake of his head. “We had three minutes.”
“He blew more than the elevator. He blew his three million dollars. Why would he do that?”
“Maybe he decided it wasn’t worth it.”
Tim sits up as he declares, “He’s here.”
“He could have blown that thing from anywhere, Tim.”
“He knew we were doing something, that’s why he acted early. That means he’s close.”
“He’s not gonna corner himself in the building. The building we evacuated.” Harry leans his head back against the wall and thinks for a moment before he adds, “He’d want to be here, yes, but stay mobile… The elevators.”
“All of the passenger cars stopped, and we checked them.”
“Did we check the freight elevators?”
Tim’s eyes widen in realization as he and Harry push themselves to stand and run to the freight elevator doors. Once Tim pries the door open, he slides down the cable and lands on top of a car. Harry reluctantly follows and freezes when a noise echoes inside. Tim doesn’t notice Harry behind him as he prepares to enter the elevator. Before he can, a shotgun is fired between them, and Harry falls into the elevator. The man inside knocks him out with the butt of the shotgun, and Tim waits until the elevator moves up to drop in through the roof panel. As he lands, he looks up and sees a shotgun barrel in his face.
“I don’t suppose anybody would pay me three million dollars just for you,” the nine-fingered bomber muses.
He pulls the trigger, but the gun is empty. Tim removes his Glock from his side and demands the bomber lower the shotgun. He does so but opens his coat to reveal dynamite strapped to his chest and a deadman switch detonator in his hand.
“Hotshot,” the man begins. Tim’s jaw clenches as he realizes the man listened to their conversations over the radio, but he can’t say anything before the bomber says, “Terrorist holding a police hostage. He’s got enough dynamite to blow the building in half. What do you do?”
“Fifty cops are waiting for us in the basement,” Tim states.
“Standard flanking, I’m aware.” He presses a button on a device wired into the elevator controls. “So, maybe we’ll get off early.”
The elevator stops at a parking level, and Tim watches as the bomber pulls Harry toward the door. His eyes open slowly, and Tim keeps his eyes on Harry rather than the man pulling him.
“Well, end of the line, Bradford. This day has been a real disappointment, I don’t mind saying.”
“Why? Because you couldn’t kill everyone?” Tim asks.
“There will come a time, hotshot, when you will wish you’d never met me.”
“I’m already there.”
“Look! I have your partner, I’m in charge! I drop this stick and they clean us up with a sponge!”
“Go ahead!” Harry yells. “Drop the stick!” “Shut up!” Tim demands.
Harry looks at Tim and mouths, “Shoot the hostage.”
Shoot him. Wrong target, Reaper. Tim takes a deep breath and shifts his arms to shoot Harry in the leg. He collapses onto the floor, and the bomber steps back in shock before running into the garage. Tim steps over Harry to shoot behind the feeling suspect. As the man reaches the door, he looks over his shoulder to smile at Tim before he disappears. Tim can’t check on Harry as the garage explodes and the force pushes him back against the wall. As Tim collides with the concrete behind him, everything goes dark. And everything changes.
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After Harry’s unplanned and involuntary retirement party, Tim nearly oversleeps. His alarm pulls him from a dreamless sleep, and he winces at the sound before turning it off. Before he showers, he decides to go for a quick run to clear his head. Once he’s dressed and ready for the day, he drives to his favorite café. It’s one of the only places in Los Angeles where you can get a decent cup of coffee and breakfast without being surrounded by millennials working on their screenplays. Tim nods at another regular, Vince, as he enters.
“Hey, Tim. You look awful,” Bob, the owner of the café, says.
“Thanks, Bob,” Tim grumbles.
“Pretty boy party too hard?” Vince asks Tim.
“I- I don’t remember that well.”
“Wake up alone?”
“Always do.”
“Must be nice,” Bob interjects. “The last time I partied like that I worked up married.”
Tim shakes his head as he accepts his order and walks out behind Vince. He sets his coffee on top of his truck as he retrieves his keys from his pocket. Vince’s bus starts behind Tim and pulls away from the curb. Tim turns to wave at Vince before unlocking his door.
After it crosses the first intersection, the bus explodes. Tim stumbles as he looks toward the source of the noise. He runs to the bus as it rolls to a stop and fights against the flames to help Vince, but it’s too late. As Tim lays his hands on his knees in shock, he notices an abandoned cell phone lying on the sidewalk behind him. It rings continuously, and Tim doesn’t hesitate before he answers the phone.
“What do you think, Bradford?” the bomber from last month asks. “You think if you and Harry find all the driver’s teeth they’ll give you another medal?”
“Where are you?” Tim demands.
“Twenty-second delay. I’m in the air duct when the garage blows. Did you think I wouldn’t come prepared? I spent two years on the elevator job. Two years. I invested myself in it. You couldn’t understand the commitment I have. A child, Tim, you’re a child. You ruin a man’s life’s work and then think you can walk away. You’ve got blinders on, but I got your attention now. Didn’t I, Tim?”
“Why didn’t you just come after me?”
“This is about money – 3.7 million. Not you and your ego. None of it had to happen, Tim, and I hope you realize that. How long do you think the driver’s wife and kids will wait before they get worried tonight?”
“When I find you, I will kill you,” Tim threatens.
“There’s a bomb on a bus, hotshot. Once the bus hits fifty miles an hour, the bomb is armed. If the bus drops below fifty, it blows up. What do you do?”
Tim doesn’t answer but looks around for any sign of the suspect.
“What do you do?” he repeats.
“I’d want to know what bus it was,” Tim answers. He’s accepted the challenge and knows that it has to end with a death: either his or the bomber’s.
“You think I’m going to tell you that, Tim?”
“Yes.”
“Very good.” The man sounds happy, and Tim presses a hand against a nearby wall to control his anger. “Now there are rules, Tim; we have to do this right. No one gets off the bus. One passenger leaves, I will detonate it. Now, if I don’t get my money by 11 a.m., there’s also a timer.”
Tim looks at his watch: 8:05 a.m. “I can’t pull that money in time-“
“Focus, Tim! Your concern is the bus. Don’t call, the radios are jammed. Number 2525, running downtown from Venice. At the corner of Lincoln and Pico…”
Tim drops the cell phone and runs to his car to follow the bus. The lives on that bus are in his hands, and he doesn’t plan to shoot any hostages today.
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“Please stop! Sam!” you yell as you chase your bus.
You don’t want to ride the bus, but since your most recent speeding ticket, it is your only mode of transportation. In the few weeks since your license was suspended, you’ve gotten to know the driver, Sam, and some of the regular passengers. You hope that camaraderie is enough to convince Sam to stop for you. The brakes on the bus squeal as it stops, and the door opens.
“This look like a stop to you?” Sam asks.
“You are an amazing man, Sam,” you say as you walk onto the bus. “The men in books and songs have nothing on you.”
You swipe your bus card and take a seat before saying hello to Ortiz, a regular passenger. Comfortable in your seat, and glad that none of the passengers are in a talkative mood this early on a weekday, you relax and hope to get your car back soon.
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Tim drives his truck in and out of traffic, onto the shoulder, and into the emergency lane as he tries to catch up with bus 2525. Other drivers honk their horns, flip him off, and yell insults through open windows, but Tim doesn’t notice or care. If he can stop the driver before it reaches 50, then the bomb will never activate. The only danger would be the man with the detonator.
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You look up as Sam slows for a traffic jam.
“Can’t you just drive over them?” you ask with a smile.
“Is it always like this?” a man asks from the back of the bus. “It’s my first time here, and it took me three hours just to get out of the airport.”
“Yep,” you answer. “It’s usually worse.”
“That’s why I never drive,” the woman behind you interjects. “I’d never have a car in this city.”
“I have a car. I miss my car,” you lament.
“In the shop?” the tourist asks.
“Something like that. Sam, seriously, the bus is huge, just run them over,” you say again.
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When Tim sees the bus has stopped because of a stalled car ahead, he sighs before he pulls onto the shoulder. He exits his truck and runs toward the bus, but the accident clears faster than he expected, and begins moving before he reaches the door. Hitting his fist against the side, Tim yells for the driver to stop.
“Can’t blame him for wanting to get on the bus,” you mutter as you watch him slap an open palm against the door.
“Get off the doors, man! Wait for the next one,” Sam yells before he speeds up.
Tim removes his badge from his pocket a moment too late. He continues chasing the bus, and you look down at your phone as the other passengers watch the unknown man run down the freeway.
Nearly half a mile from his truck and with no other option, Tim stops and waits at the edge of the road. He sees a speeding sports car approaching, and he moves into the middle of its lane and raises his badge.
“Stop!” Tim yells over the traffic.
The young man driving the car slams on his brakes to avoid hitting Tim. Several cars behind him blow their horns, and he raises to yell over the convertible’s windshield.
“What the-“
“L.A.P.D.,” Tim interrupts. “Get out of the car.”
“This is my car! It ain’t stolen and you have no right!” the driver argues.
Tim pulls his gun from its holster and says, “It’s stolen now. Move over.”
The man nods quickly before he jumps over the console and settles into the passenger seat. Tim sits behind the wheel and swerves into another lane as he ignores the owner’s pleas not to scratch the car. Tim drives the expensive, sporty convertible exactly as he had driven his truck, and the man in the passenger seat covers his eyes in fear for his car more than his life. As Tim steers the car beside the bus, he lays on the horn. Sam looks over and immediately recognizes him, and his eyes widen to prove it.
“I’m a cop!” Tim yells.
Sam lowers the window and raises his voice to ask, “What?”
“L-A-P-D!” Tim spells slowly. “There’s a bomb on your bus.”
“There’s a what?” Tim’s passenger exclaims.
“I can’t hear you,” Sam says.
“There’s a bomb on the bus!” Tim repeats.
Sam shakes his head, and Tim looks at the convertible’s speedometer. He’s over 50, so the bus must be, too.
“Drive!” Tim yells as he gestures for the bus to keep moving. “FIFTY! STAY ABOVE FIFTY!”
Sam nods rapidly and trembles a bit as he holds the speed steady. The commotion draws your attention, and you turn in your seat to watch the man who desperately needs a ride or is crazy.
“Call the Mid-Wilshire division station,” Tim says as he hands his phone to the man beside him. “Ask for Detective Angela Lopez.”
“Okay, okay.” The man speaks into the phone briefly before passing it back to Tim.
“Angela,” Tim says.
“Why are you calling me on your day off?” she asks. “Harry’s here, if you’re looking for him.”
“He’s alive.”
“Who?”
“The bomber! He’s back.”
“Harry!” Angela calls.
“Tim, did he hit the bus in Venice?” Harry asks as he approaches Angela’s desk.
“Temple,” Wade interrupts. “We just got a ransom demand from your dead terrorist. Says he rigged a city bus. Where’s Tim?”
“Where do you think?” Harry replies.
Tim ends the call and navigates around the back of the bus to drive alongside the door. Traffic is increasing with the morning rush, and he doesn’t want to risk getting stuck in another slowdown. He honks to get Sam’s attention, and gestures for him to open the door.
“Drive straight,” Tim directs him. “Stay in this lane.”
Sam agrees before Tim speeds up to get ahead of the bus. He opens the driver-side door and hits the brakes, so the bus rips the door off the car. Tim presses the accelerator again to catch up with the bus as he is yelled at by the owner of the car.
“Take the wheel!” Tim says.
Tim waits until the car’s owner moves back into the driver’s seat to jump into the open bus door and pull himself up the stairs.
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When the bus rips the door off a convertible, you finally look up. The man driving the car beside the bus is attractive, but you’re a little concerned for his mental well-being. Sam seems willing to help him, and you don’t understand why. When he jumps from the car and onto the bus, you stand and grip the bar above your head. He locks eyes with you before holding up a police badge.
“Everyone, I’m Sergeant Tim Bradford, L.A.P.D. We’ve got a slight… situation on the bus,” he explains.
“Are you crazy?” you ask.
“Ma'am, if you’ll please sit down, we can deal with this in an orderly-“
“But what are you-“
“Ma’am.”
His tone and the look in his eyes convinces you, so you sit down as Tim walks toward the back of the bus and looks at the other passengers. You watch him move and wonder if he’s truly a cop or just insane.
“Just stay in your seats and remain quiet,” Tim says. “Then we’ll be able to defuse the, uh, the problem.”
A passenger you’ve spoken to before, Jay, leaps from his seat and points a gun at Tim.
“Jay!” you yell worriedly.
“Get away from me!” Jay demands.
Tim pulls his gun and matches Jay’s stance. Two women at the back of the bus scream, and you look between Tim and Jay from your seat.
“I don’t know you, I’m not here for you. Let’s not do this,” Tim says calmly.
“Stop the bus, Sam,” Jay calls.
“He can’t. Look, I’m going to put my gun away.” Tim holsters it slowly and raises his hands to show they’re empty. “I don’t care about what you did. It’s over. I’m not a cop right now. See? We’re just two guys on the bus.”
Tim tosses his badge to the floor beside your feet, and you look at it before raising your eyes to Jay again. You understand why he calmed down so quickly; Tim Bradford has a soothing voice, and his presence is assertive but caring. More importantly, you can relax now, because his badge looks real. Jay’s hands begin to lower, but your fellow passenger Ortiz jumps onto his back before Jay puts it away.
Tim rushes forward as Ortiz tries to pull the gun from Jay. A shot goes off, and everyone ducks before a second shot fires.
“Sam!” someone screams.
You turn toward the front of the bus before moving to help Sam. Tim disarms Jay with minimal effort while another woman joins your side.
“Move him,” you say.
“He’s bleeding,” the woman argues.
“We have to stop the bus!”
At your words, Tim spins quickly to face you.
“No!” he yells. “Stay above fifty.”
“Sam is wounded,” you begin.
“You slow down, and this bus will explode!”
Tim holds your eyes and nods slowly. He’s not kidding, you realize. Turning quickly, you look at the speedometer, which falls to 51. While Sam is still in the seat, you push your foot onto the gas pedal and watch the line rise above fifty.
Tim handcuffs Jay to one of the poles before he explains, “There is a bomb on this bus. If we slow down, it will blow. If anyone tries to get off, it will blow.”
The women on the bus surround Sam and help him get comfortable as they try to slow the bleeding. As they pull Sam from the driver’s seat, you slide into position and steer into another lane to keep the speed over 50.
“We’re only gonna make it through this if everyone stays calm, sits down, and listens to me,” Tim adds.
You don’t hear everything he says, with your complete focus on the road ahead and the speedometer on the dash. Your knuckles are white because of your grip on the wheel, and you don’t hear Tim approach behind you. He lays a hand on the headrest behind you and leans down.
“This is great. A bomb on wheels,” you muse sarcastically.
“Can you handle this bus, ma’am?” Tim asks.
“Yeah, yeah. It’s just like driving a big Toyota, right?”
“Can you handle it?”
“I’m fine. What’s the plan? Is there a plan?”
Tim nods and stands to his full height. He watches you take a deep breath before turning to the rest of the passengers.
“Everyone, I need your cell phones,” Tim announces.
“No way, man!” the tourist yells.
“There is a terrorist out there with a bomb, and I don’t need any of you live streaming or interfering with the radio signal he could be using to detonate a bomb. So, I will only say this one more time. Phones - and anything else with a cellular connection – now.”
The passengers nod and offer all of their cellular devices. Tim accepts an empty bag from a woman beside Sam and places everyone’s belongings inside. He returns to your side and removes his phone from his pocket.
“Do you have anyone you need to call?” Tim asks softly.
“No. I- I don’t want to think like that,” you answer.
“We don’t have to. Everything’s going to be okay. Just keep doing what you’re doing.”
You nod and Tim lays a kind hand on your shoulder to add, “But I need your phone.”
“Oh, yeah. It’s- uh- it’s in my back pocket. Right side.”
Tim’s hand brushes your lower back as he pulls the phone from your pocket. He apologizes, though you can’t imagine why. You’ve only known Tim Bradford for a few minutes, but his words mean something, and you can only hope he keeps the promises he’s making.
“You’re a cop, right?” you ask.
“That’s right. Metro Sergeant,” Tim says. “But you can call me Tim if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Uh, no. Thanks, and you can stop calling me ‘ma’am’ while we’re at it. I just- I should probably tell you that I’m taking the bus because my driver’s license was suspended.”
“What for?”
“Speeding.”
Tim shakes his head and hides his smile before calling the station again. He leans forward, but keeps his hand beside you, to look at the news chopper circling above the bus.
“Lopez, it’s me. I took phones from all the passengers. Where do we start?” Tim asks.
“Alright. Harry and Wade are with me,” Angela replies.
“Check the speedometer, Bradford,” Harry says. “Has it been messed with? Any wires or anything that don’t belong?”
“Sorry,” Tim whispers as he leans in front of you to check the dash area. “No, it’s clean.”
“Then it’s gotta be under the bus. Probably rigged to one of the axles.”
“I can’t get under the bus to check right now. The whole you stop, you die thing. Remember?”
Tim doesn’t sound like he’s kidding; in fact, he sounds grumpier than when he first boarded, but his comment makes you laugh. He pats the back of your seat before turning.
“Sergeant Bradford,” Sam calls weakly. Tim kneels beside him to listen, and Sam stutters, “There’s a- an access panel… in the fl-floor.”
“Hold on, Angela,” Tim says into the phone.
He unscrews the panel and pulls it aside. The asphalt moves quickly under the bus, and Tim looks around before handing his phone to a passenger. You look up in the mirror above you to watch Tim briefly before returning your attention to the road.
“What’s your name?” he asks.
“Stephen. I’m a tourist,” Stephen introduces.
“Welcome to the City of Angels. Hold my phone, please. Tell my partner what I see.”
Stephen nods and raises the phone to his ear as Tim moves so he can see under the bus. He takes a deep breath; Tim knows a bit about bombs from his time in the Army, but it’s Harry’s expertise.
“Okay, there’s a bundle here,” Tim yells over the wind. “Pretty big.”
“There’s a pretty big bundle,” Stephen relays.
“Brass fittings. I think I can reach the circuit wire.”
“He can reach the circuit wire- No, don’t do that, Sergeant Bradford. It can be a decoy, he says. What else?”
“Hold on,” Tim murmurs before moving further underneath the bus. He sees the extent of the bomb and pulls himself back up to take the phone. “Angela, Harry, there’s enough C4 on this bus to take out everyone on the highway. There’s a wristwatch: gold band, cheap.”
You look back at Tim quickly before inhaling sharply. “Sergeant,” you call.
“What do you think, Harry?” Tim asks.
“Bradford!” you yell into the bus speaker.
Tim moves to your side and places a hand on the dash to lean forward. His face is right beside yours, and you wish you were nervous because of him and not the bomb underneath you.
“Everybody’s stopping,” you point out. “What do I do?”
“Get on the shoulder.”
“This is an exit!”
Tim flinches as you sideswipe several cars.
“Tim!”
“Off. Get off!” Tim yells.
You nearly miss the ramp and pull the wheel to the right to merge onto another road. Honking the horn and yelling for people to get out of the way, you take a deep breath. At least you’re off the freeway. Tim tells you to keep driving as he answers his phone again.
“Where?” he asks. “Got it.”
“Do I stay here?” you inquire.
“Yes. Just straight on this, they’re trying to clear the roads for us.”
“I’m never getting my license back, am I?” you grumble.
“The police commissioner will buy you a car if you ask,” Tim says quietly. “You’re doing well, okay? Don’t worry about anything else.”
You nod and return both hands to the wheel. Tim removes the flannel shirt he’s been wearing, leaving him in a white t-shirt, and drapes it over the back of your seat. Your eyes catch on his biceps before you chide yourself for getting distracted.
One of the phones in the bag rings, and Tim yells, “Who didn’t turn their phone off?”
No one is willing to admit their fault or doesn’t want to risk dealing with Tim’s wrath and ending up like Jay where he sits on the floor. Tim digs through the bag and pulls the ringing phone out. The number is one he recognizes, but he hesitates before answering.
“Taking their phones was smart,” the bomber says as the line connects. “2525… nice passengers, aren’t they? See, that’s the beauty of being in this day and age. I know everything about everyone on that bus. So, if you or your little girlfriend, or even the tourist from Kalamazoo try to double-cross me…”
“The bus explodes,” Tim interjects. “I’m aware.”
“What’s with the attitude, Tim? You’re seeing one of the prettiest places in the world, riding a bus for free… Oh, no, I know. Can’t shoot a hostage that makes that cold heart beat again, huh?”
“What do you want?”
“You know what I want! 3.7 million dollars. I get the money, and then we can both get what we want.”
“You don’t know what I want.”
“I know what you don’t want. Tell your girlfriend to keep her eyes on the road.”
The call ends and Tim raises the cell phone in his hands. “He knows who is on this bus.”
“How?” Ortiz asks.
“Your bus passes, your phones, both, maybe. Look, one of the conditions of our survival is that no one gets off the bus. If he knows who you are, then we are even more obligated to keep that promise.”
“You didn’t even try to get us off the bus!” Jay accuses.
“Because he would have blown it. I understand what you are feeling, but I need you to trust me, trust the L.A.P.D., and work with me on this.”
“Tim is this your team?” you ask over your shoulder.
A police car pulls into the lane in front of you as several more flank the sides of the bus. The road clears around them, but more news choppers are joining the airspace above you.
Tim nods and looks at you. “Are you okay?”
“Yes. What happens now, though?”
“My teammates are working on it. We’ve got gas and open road, so keep driving.”
“Is it- can I be okay and really nervous at the same time?”
“I’d be more concerned if you weren’t nervous.”
“You don’t look nervous.”
“My friend Angela says I never look anything; thinks I can’t show emotion because I can’t feel them.”
“Is it true?”
Tim looks at you and lowers to squat beside you. “No, it’s not.”
“How’s Sam?”
“The driver? He’s gonna be alright. Thanks to you.”
Someone calls for Tim, and he squeezes your shoulder reassuringly as he stands. You glance at him in the mirror as he returns to the access panel. A police helicopter drops to fly above you, and you wonder what the news stations and police officers know or think about the situation. The bus begins losing speed as you steer around a curve, and when you try to speed up again, you realize something is wrong.
Back at the station, Harry and Angela work with Wade and a bomb expert to search for a way to disarm the bomb and for their suspect. Harry has a description of the bomber, but there’s only so much they can learn about the bomb without seeing it.
“Sergeant Bradford!” you cry as you press the gas again.
“What?” Tim asks with wide eyes. You were calling him Tim, and your sudden change of formality and tone concern him.
“The gas pedal’s stuck.”
“What else can go wrong?” Tim asks under his breath. “Move your foot.”
You pull your foot from the pedal and steer as Tim presses his leg against yours to slam his foot down against the pedal. It doesn’t move, and the speedometer dips closer to fifty. Tim moves his hands to cover yours on the steering wheel and moves his leg between yours to try a new angle. You’re close to him, but the fear of dying keeps you from enjoying it in any way. He pushes the pedal again and his shoulders drop.
“There,” he announces as he steps back.
You take the wheel back and press the accelerator down again. The bus gains speed and you catch up to the police car before you.
“Lopez, talk to me,” Tim greets as he answers his phone again.
“You’ve got a hard left coming up,” Angela says. “Really hard.”
“Hard left up ahead,” Tim tells you.
“We’ll tip!” you argue.
“Who is that? Your driver?” Angela inquires.
“We’re not going to tip,” Tim says.
“Yes, we are!”
The curve in the road comes into view, and Tim suddenly agrees, “We’re going to tip.”
He leaves your side to move everyone onto the right side of the bus. The weight distribution keeps the bus from tipping, but as Tim helps you pull the wheel as hard as possible to make the turn, you forget why you were concerned. His presence is the only thing keeping you calm, and you wish he could just sit beside you the whole time.
“Angela, get those news crews off our tail!” he yells over the cheers of the passengers.
You look in the mirror beside you. The news crews must have arrived recently because you didn’t notice them before.
“On it. Harry’s working with the bomb squad. Keep it fifty,” Angela responds.
“Don’t try to make that a thing, Lopez,” Tim says before he ends the call.
“Hey, who’s doing this?” you ask Tim.
“The bomber? He’s just a guy who’s angry with me for foiling his last bombing attempt,” Tim explains.
“So, he’s trying again? Using you to get whatever it is he wants?”
“More or less.”
“What if you stop him again?”
“We do this again tomorrow. Until one of us dies trying.”
“That won’t work.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I’m not available to drive tomorrow.”
Tim nods but doesn’t reply before a flatbed truck merges into the lane beside the door. His Metro captain and two officers are on the back, and the driver blows the horn to get his attention. Tim opens the door and moves out of the door to talk to them. You can’t hear much but suspect that they want to get the hostages off the bus, which Tim already said was impossible. Your sudden and unbending trust in him should probably concern you, but you will do anything and everything he tells you, even if that means staying on a bus with a bomb on it.
“He called the station looking for you,” an officer announces.
“Why? He has my cell,” Tim says.
“Maybe it died.”
“Just give him my number again! And keep looking; find this guy so we can move these people.”
Tim steps onto the main platform again and closes the door.
“Are they going to help us?” the woman holding Sam’s head up asks.
“Sure, they will. They’re the police,” someone jokes.
Another phone rings in the bag, and Tim pulls your phone out this time. He hadn’t thought to turn yours off because he was concerned about you and wanted to make sure you could drive like the bus needed to be driven.
“Hello?” he answers.
“Tim, you know I trust you. But it looks to me like you’re trying to move passengers off the bus,” the bomber says.
“I need one as an act of faith,” Tim argues. “The driver has been shot.”
“You shot another hostage?”
“He’s dying! If you want your money, show a little charity.”
The line is quiet for a moment before the bomber says, “Fine. You can try to get the driver off. I have more people to kill. Tell your girlfriend behind the wheel not to slow down or he won’t get a chance to bleed out.”
“We’re getting the driver off,” Tim announces after returning your phone to the bag. “Just him for now.”
Ortiz moves out of the seat to help Tim move Sam to the door and onto the truck.
“Get as close as you can,” Tim says. “A little closer.”
The side of the bus hits the truck and swerves, and you rush to apologize.
“It’s okay.” Tim says your name, and you know that he means what he says. “Perfect! Hold it steady!”
You sigh as Tim walks past you again after getting Sam to safety, but then you see a woman walking toward the door. The officers on the truck reach out to help her, unaware of what will happen if she steps off the bus.
“No!” you yell.
“I have to,” she responds.
“No! Don’t get off! Stop!”
An explosion echoes through the bus as the steps fall out and go underneath the bus. The female passenger disappears after she falls with the debris, and you look away quickly as Tim falls forward trying to catch her.
“You’ve got to get those choppers out of here!” Tim yells to his captain. “He’s watching!”
The bus is silent as Tim stands up and waits beside you. With your eyes on the road, he doesn’t see the tear that leaks out. When the passengers start arguing behind you, your grip on the wheel tightens.
“Hey!” Tim calls as he turns to face them. They silence, and he moves his attention to you. “How are you doing?”
Tim steps forward, sees the tears covering your face, and squats with an arm behind you. “What can I do?”
His voice is softer than when he yelled at the men behind you, and you can’t lie to him.
“I thought that was the bomb. When I heard it… I thought everything was over. But then I saw her fall under the bus, and-“
“You’re glad you’re still alive,” Tim finishes.
“I’m so sorry. Does that make me a terrible person?”
“No. It doesn’t mean you don’t care. We’re still alive, and we’re all allowed to be thankful for that. The guy who put us here? He’s a terrible person. Don’t think that you’re a bad person. You’re not.”
“Tim,” you say before pointing to his Captain, who is waving for his attention.
“There’s a gap in the freeway. It’s big. We have to get these people off, Tim,” he says.
“You know I can’t, Captain.”
“Tim?” you ask as he walks past you. “What’d he say?”
“There’s a gap in the road,” Tim tells everyone.
“How big is a gap?” Ortiz asks.
“50 feet, a couple of miles ahead,” Tim says.
“Tim?” you repeat. “What if I shift down and just keep the engine revving?”
“He thought of that… Floor it.”
“What?”
“There’s an interchange, maybe there’s an incline. Just floor it.”
“Okay.”
“Everyone keep your heads down.”
The police car leading you falls off the side, but you continue driving toward the unfinished overpass. The needle on the speedometer nears 70, and Tim waits beside you. As you approach the end, Tim yells for everyone to hold on. He puts his arms around you and pulls your head down with his. You feel weightless for a moment, grounded only by his arms around you before the bus collides with the other side of the interchange. Looking up over Tim’s arm, you see more road ahead and press the gas again, so you don’t slow down.
Your forehead begins to burn and hurt, and you press your palm against your temple as the people behind you cheer. Tim checks on everyone before returning to your side, and he immediately realizes that you’re in pain. He moves your hand and presses the bottom of his shirt to your head. It’s stained with blood when he pulls his hand away, and you grimace at the idea of a wound on your head.
“Get off here!” Tim calls suddenly.
“Yes! Get off!”
You obey and soon enter the Los Angeles International Airport. Tim gives you directions to an emergency runway and explains that you can simply drive here. Without traffic or road closures, the only concern is staying above fifty.
Being in restricted air space is also a bonus, and you notice that the news helicopters are hovering at a distance. Tim seemed concerned about the presence of news cameras, so maybe the location will also keep the bomber from knowing exactly what is happening.
“Yeah?” Tim asks as he answers his phone.
“The airport. Well done. You had some close calls, but you did well, Tim,” the bomber says.
“What do you want?”
“My money. Help me get it before it’s too late, will you? The negotiators think I’m doing this for fun?”
“Are you not?”
“Oh, now you think you know me too?”
“I know you want money you didn’t earn. More than you deserve.”
“I did earn it! I got a medal, too, you know.”
“Let me off. If you want my help, I need to explain that you’re not bluffing. Just me.”
“Alright. But you have to come back. I can see everything; remember that.”
Tim ends the call and slides his phone back in his pocket.
“There’s a plan now?” you ask.
“Maybe. He’s letting me off,” Tim says.
“Hey, don’t forget about us,” you call as he steps off the bus and onto an SUV. “He’ll be back,” you promise the others.
While you circle the airport runways, Tim works with the other officers he told you about to find a way to disarm the bomb. Ortiz walks to your side and looks out at the airport.
“Ortiz?” you ask.
“He’s not coming back, I’m telling you,” he says.
“He didn’t have to get on in the first place. Hey, get behind the yellow line.”
Ortiz looks down and takes on short step back. “You let the cop up here.”
“What is that?” Stephen asks as he joins Ortiz.
“I have no idea,” you answer as you look at Tim standing on the back of a truck covered in machinery. It pulls over in front of you, and Tim lowers onto a cart attached to a winch, and you mutter, “I was right. He is insane.”
“How’d they get that so fast?” Stephen asks under his breath.
You focus more on driving in a straight line as Tim disappears under the front of the bus. He looks up at you just before he disappears, and you nod once. Knowing that he’s under the bus makes you more nervous to drive than you have been at any other point today. Driving in a straight line at the airport is more stressful because Tim is underneath a moving vehicle and touching a bomb. You know he has friends and colleagues who are helping him, but you feel more than a need to survive when you look at Sergeant Tim Bradford.
The winch on the truck releases suddenly, and the cable unfurls.
“Check and see if he came out the back!” you demand. “Can you see him?”
“He’s not back here!” Ortiz calls.
“Look under the bus! Back by the tires!”
“I don’t see him.”
The winch cable snaps and the back tire bounces over something. You press a hand over your mouth in shock, and Ortiz runs to the back access panel.
“Please tell me he’s alright!” you yell. “Do you see him?”
“I see him!” Ortiz responds. “He’s alright!”
You look back and forth between the empty runway and the back of the bus. Ortiz and Stephen pull Tim up onto the bus, and you can’t decide whether to be angry or relieved with him. Tim thanks Ortiz before walking to your side.
“How are you?” he asks.
“You scared me!” you accuse. You slap his vest to express your displeasure before hissing in pain. “What’s that smell?”
“Gas. We have a new leak.” “You caused a leak?”
“It was that or get run over. You can see the difficulty I had choosing.”
“Don’t try to be funny right now. I thought I killed you.”
“I’ll ask my captain to get a fuel truck.”
“Will it work?”
“I don’t know.”
“You’re not exactly comforting, you know that?”
“You just hit me and now you want comfort?”
You sigh and look at him again before saying, “Thank you, Tim.”
“Just doing my job… ma’am.”
Tim stays beside you while Harry and a S.W.A.T. team infiltrate the house listed on the bomber’s records. He was surprised by how quickly they found his identification, but now that they have the element of surprise, he hopes that this game is almost over.
 When he gets another call, you can only see the anger in his eyes as he listens to the person on the other end. The bomber tells Tim that Harry and the S.W.A.T. team walked right into his trap. You watch him and can only wonder what is making him so mad. His life is in danger, but something is capable of pushing him even further, it seems.
“I’m going to rip your spine out. If you know as much as you think you do, you know I can,” Tim threatens lowly.
“Oh, I do, Reaper. That’s why you should do what you’re told. You and I both know you can’t do it without Harry and his ability to follow a cheap watch, anyway. Get me my money and it’s over. Otherwise, you, lumberjack-ie, and the others are dead. Got that?”
“Yeah,” Tim says after a moment. “Howie.”
The bomber hesitates at the mention of his real name but doesn’t let it stop him. Tim listens to Howard Payne’s demands before ending the call. Tim turns around and kicks where the stairs used to be before pulling against the handrail in his anger. You try to get his attention over his yelling, but it falls on deaf ears.
“Tim! Please!” you try again. “I can’t do this without you. Please.”
Tim slows his movements before gripping the rail beside you. His jaw is clenched as he looks at you, but your pleas soften his eyes.
“Please stay with me,” you whisper.
“We’re going to die,” he says.
“No. You got us this far, right?”
Tim leans against the dash beside you and looks at you. His shirt is still behind you. Lumberjack-ie. Your little girlfriend.
“Lumberjacks wear flannel, right?” Tim asks.
“Uh, yeah. As far as I know,” you answer. “Why?”
“He can see you.”
“What?”
“Keep looking straight ahead.”
You turn your face to the windshield and watch the runway as Tim examines the top of the bus. He sees the camera at the top of the windshield and shakes his head.
“He said, ‘your girlfriend behind the wheel’ and ‘lumberjack-ie’. I didn’t even realize. There’s a camera in your face. He can see the whole bus.”
“He can see me, but can he hear me?” you ask.
“Doesn’t seem like it.”
“Bus cameras can’t be very high-tech, Tim. Can’t your people get it on a loop or something?”
“You’re brilliant,” Tim murmurs before pushing himself off the dash and to his feet. “Guys, there’s a camera over my left shoulder. I need everyone to sit still. No big movements, no talking, just look concerned and sit still.”
He calls his captain and asks for someone to approach the news trucks at the fence to end the live broadcasts and use their equipment to make a video loop. His captain agrees and texts Tim with an update that the reporters are cooperating.
“Remember, stay relatively still. Just look scared,” Tim reminds everyone.
“That won’t be hard,” Ortiz grumbles.
Tim leans beside you while the video is being recorded. You drive in silence for a minute before noticing the blinking red light on the dash.
“Tim,” you whisper. “Look.”
“Cap, roll the tape. We need fuel,” Tim says into his phone.
“We only have a minute recorded. That won’t convince him, we need more footage” Wade argues.
“No time. Get these people off before this bus runs out of gas.”
“Fuel tanker is running behind. Driver said big rigs need radio signals, and they’re still jammed. Crazy not stupid, right?”
“Right.”
“Now what?” you ask Tim. “Are you tired of that question yet?”
“I’d like an answer to it,” he replies. “Get alongside this bus, okay?”
You nod and drive steadily alongside an LAX passenger bus. Tim’s team lays a wooden board between the bus doors and helps people cross to safety. You listen to Tim encourage the passengers across and are glad he was the cop who got on the bus today. The rear tire blows out suddenly, and you pull the steering wheel back to the middle and yell for Tim to come help.
Tim falls on his way back to the front of the bus, but when he reaches you, he moves his arms across you to pull the wheel.
“Use this to hold down the gas pedal,” he says.
You take the device from his hand and lower it into place. Tim steps back to tie the steering wheel to the floor of the bus, and you steer to keep the bus straight while he works. The moment it’s secure, he pulls you to your feet and tells you to get on the metal access panel.
“I can’t do this,” you argue.
Tim raises his hands to either side of your neck and brushes his thumbs along your skin as he promises, “Yes, you can. I’m right here with you.”
You swallow nervously and nod before sitting on your escape route, a thin piece of metal that Tim moved with no problem. Tim moves to lay over you, and he wraps an arm around your waist as you hide your face against his shoulder.
“I got you,” he promises once more.
The bus turns and the access panel cover falls out of the bottom. You clutch Tim tightly as the metal door slides across the runway and into a nearby patch of dirt. He sits up and watches the bus slow as it nears a plane but doesn’t let go of you. Just before the bomb detonates, Tim pulls you down again and lays over you to protect you from any debris. Sirens echo in the distance, and you wrap your arms around Tim’s back.
“Are you alright?” he asks again.
“No,” you answer, your first honest answer of the day. “Oh, I hate the airport.”
Tim moves to your side but keeps an arm around your shoulder as he looks into your eyes.
“You can’t get mushy on me. You can’t show emotion, remember?” you tease.
“I think I might be able to after all.”
“Relationships that start like this never last. It’s just the high-stress, adrenaline pumping, all that.”
“Oh, yeah? Well, maybe we can change that.”
“Uh, I think your friends are here.”
Tim looks up but doesn’t move as Angela and Wade exit a police car and run toward him.
“I was worried about you,” Angela says. “And here you are.”
“I’m sorry about Harry,” Tim offers. “I wish we could have changed it.”
“You good?” Wade asks. “’Cause I might be a nice guy and let you take the rest of the day off.”
“And stop worrying about what we could have done differently. You saved a lot of lives today, Timothy,” Angela adds.
“A day off sounds like a good deal,” you murmur.
Tim shakes his head before introducing you to Detective Angela Lopez and Sergeant Wade Grey. When he finally stands and sees the scrapes and gashes littering your skin, he forces you to let a paramedic treat you. Tim follows you to the ambulance but hangs back to talk to Angela. He’s lost a partner before, too, and knows what it’s like.
“I’m sorry for bringing everyone into this. Howard could have just come for me,” Tim concludes.
“I appreciate everything,” Angela responds. “But, you’re going to the hospital, too. Is that Chen?”
Tim turns quickly and sees Lucy running toward the police cruiser parked behind the ambulance.
“Sergeant Grey!” she yells. “We’ve got Payne on the line, and he wants to know when he’s getting his money. Whoa, Tim, are you alright?”
“He doesn’t know,” Tim says. “He doesn’t know the bus exploded.”
“Tell him thirty minutes,” Wade alerts all the nearby officers.
“Stay in the ambulance,” Tim tells you.
“But I-“
“Ma’am, stay in the ambulance.”
You nod and climb into the ambulance after refusing help from the paramedics. They continue bandaging a cut on your leg as Tim climbs in.
“I need to make a quick stop on the way to the hospital,” he tells the driver.
“Where?” she asks.
“The drop spot. Pershing Square.”
The driver reluctantly agrees, and you watch Tim as she drives. He demands you stay in the ambulance until he returns, and you agree but don’t mean it. You’ve been beside Tim for most of the morning, and you neither remember how to be away from him nor do you want to. You stand on the sidewalk beside the ambulance and watch people move around you. It’s another normal day for them, but your life will never be the same after today.
“Miss, you can’t stand here, you need to move back,” an older officer says as he grabs your shoulders.
“Oh, I’m waiting for Tim-“
“Tim Bradford, yes. He asked that I move you out of harm’s way.”
“But he told me to stay here.”
His hold on your shoulders tightens as he says, “And I’m telling you to move.”
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“Payne is late,” Angela complains.
“He’s not late,” Tim says. “He’s never late.”
“Two hundred cops are watching that sculpture, plus a tracker in the bag. He hasn’t been here,” Wade explains.
“Turn on the tracker,” Tim requests.
“What for?”
“Just do it!”
Wade presses a button on the laptop before him, and the blinking light of the tracker travels across the screen.
“He’s got the money,” Angela says.
Tim runs out of their hiding spot and to the drop spot. He pushes the art installation over and kicks it when he sees the opening in the sidewalk beneath it. As he drops into the defunct subway system, he sees someone walking farther into the tunnel and pulls his gun.
“L.A.P.D. Freeze!” he yells.
The person stops, and he aims at their head before saying, “Pop quiz. Someone has a clear shot at your head. What do you do?... Turn around.”
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“If you don’t do it, I’ll kill Tim Bradford,” Howard Payne threatens as he secures a vest covered in dynamite around your chest. “What are you going to do?”
“Wait- wait for him to come in and walk away. Then I listen to you,” you answer shakily.
“Perfect. Maybe you two can have your happily ever after all. You say one word that I don’t like and you’re both dead.”
Howard disappears down the subway, and you bite your bottom lip to refrain from crying or screaming for help. Tim may shoot you, no questions asked, but at least he will be safe. When you hear something crash above you and sunlight infiltrates the dark staircase before you, you take a deep breath and begin walking away.
Tim’s voice doesn’t carry the same comforting words or soothing lilt as in the bus, but you still recognize it and want to hear it as he yells at you.
“Turn around!” he demands.
You turn slowly and can see the moment Tim realizes he’s pointing his gun at you.
“I’m sorry,” you whisper.
The apology echoes off the concrete walls as Tim lowers his weapon. You don’t see or hear him, but you can feel the change when Howard appears behind you.
“Be prepared!” Howard says as he walks up the stairs behind you and raises the detonator, a deadman’s switch. “What are you gonna do, Tim? I don’t think you can shoot this hostage.”
“Let her go,” Tim demands as he points his gun at Howard.
“I don’t think I’m going to do that. Move the money,” he tells you.
You transfer the money from the L.A.P.D. bags and into Howard’s duffel bag as Tim yells at him to let you go.
“You don’t need her!” Tim adds.
“I will let go,” Howard threatens as he moves the detonator switch. “You don’t get it, Tim. Do you know what a bomb that doesn’t explode is? It’s the cheap, gold watch they gave me after I lost a finger and a life to my country.”
“You’re crazy.”
You push yourself against the wall as you listen to their exchange, but you keep your eyes on Tim rather than the bomb just below your chin. Howard demands you take his money and enter another part of the tunnel system and you know that you’re going to obey because he’ll kill Tim if you don’t. You tear your eyes from Tim and walk exactly where Howard leads you.
As you enter a crowded stop, Howard fires several shots into the concrete ceiling as you drop your head and cover your ears. The subway passengers waiting for the next train flee in terror as you try to get away from Howard. Tim can’t be far behind, but when you’re pushed into a subway car, you’re tempted to think that no help is coming. Howard handcuffs your hands around a pole before the subway lurches into motion.
At the back of the subway, Tim struggles to pry a set of doors open before he falls into the car. He moves strategically through the empty rows of seats with his mind on you and ending this game with Howard Payne once and for all.
The subway conductor reaches for his radio, and Howard forces the deadman switch into your hands and tells you to hold it. He turns his back on you and kills the conductor as you struggle to move away.
“Look, you won. You beat Tim, you beat everybody, you can just throw me off the train. I don’t care,” you plead.
“You see this stick? When you explode, the police will come there. But that’s not where I’ll be, so I get more time. I promise it won’t hurt,” Howard replies as he pulls the detonator away from you.
A series of dull thuds echoes, and Howard looks up quickly. He smiles, and it makes your stomach flip.
“Hey, Tim. Is that you?” he asks. “He’s so persistent. Wouldn’t be able to interest you in a bribe, would I, hotshot?”
Howard kneels and opens the duffel bag full of cash. You watch as a dye pack explodes in his face and paints his money purple. In his anger, he fires bullets into the roof, and you drop to the floor as Tim rolls out of the line of fire. Howard runs through a door, and you can only listen as he climbs onto the roof and begins struggling against Tim.
Howard has the deadman stick in his hand and can kill you by moving a centimeter to the left or right, but you’re more worried about Tim with every noise against the roof. You stay low on the pole you’re cuffed to, twisting your wrists and manipulating your fingers as you try to slip free. The struggle above you silences suddenly, and you watch the door nervously.
“Tim!” you call when he rushes in. “Tim. Where’s Payne?”
“Uh, he lost his head. Turn around,” Tim says.
You circle the pole, and Tim rips a wire free before loosening the straps of the vest.
“Let’s take this off,” he says before pulling the vest away from your chest.
“Tim, can you hear me?” someone asks through the driver’s radio. “This is Wade. Listen, the track isn’t finished.”
“What else can go wrong?” you murmur.
“Wade, I copy,” Tim radios.
“Do you copy? Try the emergency brake.”
“I copy!” Tim tries again before throwing the radio down.
He steps to the right and hits the emergency brake. After the train doesn’t even slow, he begins hitting other buttons, but nothing happens.
“None of this works!” he exclaims as he hits the control board.
He turns away from the useless machinery and returns to you. When he notices the handcuffs holding you in place, he slows.
“You can uncuff me and we can get off,” you say with an exaggerated nod.
“I don’t have a key,” Tim replies.
“You don’t have…”
You trail off and look at the handcuffs. If only you could slip your hands through them, you think. Tim begins pulling and kicking the pole as you try again to pull your hands through the metal cuffs. He pauses and lays a hand against your arm to look at how tight the cuffs are.
“Help me pull,” you grunt as you lean your weight back against the restraints.
“No, no,” Tim says quickly as he pulls you forward. “You’re just hurting yourself.”
You stand still and see a bead of blood running down your fingers. As you stare at it, Tim walks to a map on the wall. He remembers the nightmare again; a series of bad memories that end with him, “the Reaper,” standing alone in the desert before being rescued and awarded a medal. As he searches for a way to save you, Tim decides that he will never shoot the hostage again, and he won’t leave you behind, even if that means dying with you.
“Tim, please just go,” you beg.
“There’s a curve ahead. I can make it jump the track.”
“Tim! Sergeant Bradford!” Tim turns to you, and you repeat, “Get off this train. You can still jump. Tim, please. Please.”
Tim ignores you as he returns to the controls and increases the train’s speed. You slide your hands down the pole as you sit on the floor, and Tim walks silently to your side. He leans in beside you, and you raise your arms to wrap around his neck as you lean your head against his. He moves his arms around the pole to circle you and holds you tight as the train picks up speed.
“I’m sorry,” you whisper just before the lights go out.
The train car hits something and spins, but Tim tightens his arms around you. With every bump and move of the subway, you become more convinced that you’ll never get out of this position. Light enters the windows as you crash through something, and the car flips onto its side as it lands on asphalt. The impact loosens the pole, and you fall onto Tim, whose grip on you doesn’t waver for a second. As the car slides to a stop, you squeeze Tim and take a deep breath.
“You didn’t leave me,” you say before forcing yourself to open your eyes.
Tim cradles the back of your head before moving his hands to your back. You lean up gently and look into his eyes again.
“I told you to leave me!”
“I didn’t have anywhere to be just then. Rest of the day off and all,” Tim responds before pulling you down against him.
He kisses you, and you’re surprised that it is more than adrenaline. The kiss is more than a relief to be alive, and you want to feel Tim Bradford at your side every day for the rest of your life (which would have ended today if not for him). You move your hands to Tim’s short hair as you return his kiss. It’s relief, joy, love, and passion in a single touch. When Tim begins breathing heavily against you, you move up.
“I’ve heard relationships that start during intense situations like this never work,” Tim says.
“Oh,” you sigh. “Then I guess we’ll be the first.”
“Whatever you say, ma’am.”
Glass rains down on you as you kiss Tim again, and though your day went nothing like you thought it would, it’s now the best day of your life. Tim helps you stand as his team approaches the scene, and you stop him before you exit the car.
“You know if this was a movie, they’d make another one where the same thing happens again, right?” you say softly.
“We’re never taking public transportation again,” Tim states.
“Yeah. Hey, where is the truck you were driving this morning?”
Tim hesitates and tightens his arm around your waist before turning away to yell, “Chen! I need you to do something for me.”
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clare-875 · 2 months
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Until the End (Levi x Reader)- Prologue
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_____
A/N: Posted on Wattpad (@CLARE_875) but also decided to post here :) The image above does NOT belong to me
Summary:
"You can push me away, but I will still fight by you, and I will still follow you… until the end."
The ever-so-stoic Levi Ackerman has only ever known the terrors that living in a cruel world could bring. This all changed one fateful day when he encountered [y/n]; a girl renowned for her looks and abnormal speed. As they escape the confines of the Underground together, they soon discover that freedom doesn't come easy in a world full of Titans. As they rise through the ranks, [y/n] becomes known as "Humanity's Angel", a beacon of hope to humanity as she melts the walls Levi had built around his heart. However, she has her secrets too, and a dark past that might just threaten to pull them apart.
The storyline and characters of Attack on Titan do NOT belong to me, but all to Hajime Isayama; however, I do own this story, and all that occurs disparate to that storyline.
[Series Masterlist] [Chapter One]
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Warnings: Some descriptions of sexual harassment and abuse, blood, violence
Everything was cold. Everything hurt. But you could hear a heartbeat clouding over the deranged sound of the wind, giving you warmth. "I'm sorry [y/n], I'm so sorry." As you clung to the figure that had you wrapped in their arms, you felt the coolness of the air that latched onto your skin. The taste of salt and an uncontrollable rocking took over, destroying any sense of stability. You could hear shouts from nearby strangers, a hushing voice above you as they ran by. Constant apologies were muttered as you rocked back and forth, and stared into the [e/c] of the woman's eyes.
.....
You look up to the ceiling, hoping to catch a glimpse of the starry sky that you can only imagine lies above the unsettling and revolting place known only as the Underground. This is how it has been for as long as you can remember, yet memories would still flash between the darkness of the day and the night. The smell of salt and pungency, the cruel wind, and a warmth. You removed your gaze from the sight above you and looked to the stairs cascading down from the only way out of this place. But there was no use. To get out meant money, and getting out meant having to live, yet living up there in poverty seemed just as cruel as living down here in disparity. You felt the coolness of the breeze move mercilessly against your skin as you lay clad in stolen clothes on the roof of an abandoned dump of a home. It had been your refuge ever since you escaped an orphanage at the age of 5. If you could call it an orphanage. Constant abuse and shouting were all you remember of that place. You can only imagine what warmth feels like, what freedom feels like. The freedom to eat till your heart's content, sleep without worry and run without someone chasing behind you.
Hearing the all-too-familiar sound of your hunger raking through your stomach, you stand up and get ready to fight for another day. Your small, malnourished form may seem weak to others, but your time in the Underground has taught you to be tough. Your body may seem small, but you were agile and fast, so much so that you would often be able to take a loaf of bread with the only trace of your being there, the breath of the wind. Though the Underground was depressing and miserable - many people concerned with their own lives - you were not invisible in this place. Your beauty often caught people off guard, but the unusual way your visual traits stood out in this dark place caused problems in their own way. Men covered in filth and grime, old and battered with age and trial, often corner you, perverted intentions in their hope to overpower you. It was one of the many issues you had whilst in that orphanage. Your speed, however, made up for your lack of strength as the momentum helped you retch free from their filthy grasps again and again. Today was no different.
Succeeding in taking half a loaf of bread and a handful of apples with ease, you shove them into your makeshift bag and prepare to sprint. However, after barely three steps, you feel yourself get dragged into the darkness of an alleyway and away from the business of the open streets. As your vision consorts back to normal, you look up, only to see four men taunting you with the worst intentions brimming in their eyes, the only spark being lust over their lifeless, filthy forms.
"Well, well, well, lookie here, boys, it seems we caught the gem of the pack," a man unusually muscular and large in such a food-deprived place towered over you, seemingly the leader of this pathetic gang.
You tried to keep your cool. You had gotten away from worse before; it would be alright. Two more men rounded the corner, grinning as they emerged. You scoffed in realisation and disgust but felt an unfamiliar chill rip through your spine. This seemed worse. "Imagine the price we'd be paid to have you bought after we're done with you ourselves, of course." The man moved close to your face, hand tight on your wrist. The crowded stench of alcohol and grime suffocated you, but before you could wretch free from their grasp and sprint away, the grasp on your wrist loosened, and when you looked up, the man, taunting you just seconds before, had fallen.
He was dead.
Suddenly, the tension in the air changed as eyes filled with lust turned to confusion and then anger. Shouting ensued as the men sought the source of the stone now ingrained in the head of the man who led their disgusting activities, but as their grasp left you to pursue someone else, you found yourself unable to do anything. Despite living in this barren place where death was as usual as each breath you took, you had never had it done so swiftly and in front of you. But before you could dwell on the fragility of life much longer, you heard a slam and a groan beside you. There was a boy who seemed only a few years older than you, and he had 2 grown men on the floor, bleeding and beaten. He continued fighting ruthlessly, and despite the mounds of death that surrounded you, your gaze did not falter at the way he fought. The way he looked at them.
Two more men were on the ground before you could even blink, red smearing their chests as the boy's knife was now stained with blood. He didn't hesitate. He didn't even blink. Then, as he took on the final man, you noticed a glint of silver in the corner of your eye. One of the men, already on the floor, desperately grasped his wound with one hand, and in the other, a gun aimed at the boy, still distracted as the final man refused to fall.
A second passed. Then, two gunshots. Then a moment.
The boy stared at you, a brief look of shock in his dull eyes. The final man he had been fighting fell limp to the floor along with the man in front of you, his gun lying useless on the floor before him. The next moment felt long and thick as you realised you had actually killed two men. Two disgusting, filthy, corrupt men. But living men nonetheless.
"You killed," the boy spoke, breaking the silence.
Despite the seriousness of the situation, you scoffed, staring at the gun you had stolen from another dead man in the moment. The gun you had shot two men with. "So did you." you looked up and met his eyes. As they narrowed, he turned to walk away, but you decided you were not done with this situation. You had questions and you wanted them answered. "Wait," you spoke, voice wavering despite yourself. "Why... why did you come here? Why did you kill them?" You half expected him to ignore you and walk off, but to your surprise, he turned and looked straight at you.
Moments passed before he replied. "My mother," he hesitated, but looking into your eyes, he continued, "I just didn't want you to have the same fate she did down in this goddam place." With that, he continued on his way. "Wait," you stopped him, voice firmer now. "Tch," he turned, but his eyes went from annoyed to surprised in an instant as he caught an apple you had thrown him. This time, you hesitated. "Thank you," You muttered, giving him a smile. His eyes widened slightly; this was the first time anyone apart from his mother had shown him a shred of kindness in this place.
"Levi."
"What?" you asked, confused at the randomness of the word. "My name, it's Levi," he muttered. Your eyes widened. I must have really seemed shaken for him to sympathise with me, you wonder as you figured he seemed someone closed off and invulnerable. "My name is [Y/N]," you smiled, "Thank you, Levi." He said nothing and walked off, but at least he didn't refuse your tribute. You decided that this time, you would sprint straight away to avoid any more unwanted attention, never thinking you would see him again.
.....
As time passed, you were surprised by how often you saw his face, seemingly more so in the middle of fights on the streets or stealing food. It seemed he was just as noticed in this place as you were, hearing flickers of his name uttered in the streets, followed by curses and threats. He started to notice your name being spoken in the streets too, either filthy men upon your beauty or vendors' irritation on your speed.
As you both heard the other's name uttered more often, you also bumped into each other more often. When, at first, each meeting was only a brief look of recognition, it was followed by brief greetings, then conversations (more from your end) as you found yourself intrigued by the man who had saved you with his underlying strength. He also found you curious, though he would rather die than admit it, intrigued by your strengths and your story. Soon, you both found the walls you had built around yourselves after years of grief and turmoil gradually breaking as your unlikely acquaintance turned into companionship which turned to friendship.
As years passed, you both shared multitudes of conversations, he taught you how to clean properly, you brewed tea, and you both supported each other. You would find yourselves sharing the same spaces, sharing the snippets of your past you have never shared, him surprising you with brief stories of his own. Of his mother, who had died many years ago, and of his prior caretaker, Kenny, who had abandoned him a year before. Your friendship grew with your trust, and you found yourself surrounded by the feeling of warmth, something you lacked for most of your lifetime, all thanks to Levi. Even as people you came to meet left you, even when people joined the both of you. The reassuring gestures, the way he had your back, the way he spoke about how he was "gonna get out of this shitty place." Levi gave you hope that maybe you'd find freedom with him.
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nihongoseito · 2 months
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vocab from my 耳をすませば reread!
(featuring one singular adjective lol)
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if you aren't aware, the ghibli movie 耳をすませば (whisper of the heart) is adapted from a manga of the same name by 柊あおい (aoi hiiragi). if you haven't read it, i really recommend it! there's some fun differences from the movie but it's just as sweet. anyway, here's the vocab i wrote down this reread!
nouns:
登校日(とうこうび) = school day
バウンド = bounce, bound
一目散(いちもくさん) = running at full speed, as fast as one can
詐欺(さぎ) = fraud, swindle, scam; saying you're going to do something but not doing it
憂鬱(ゆううつ) = depression, melancholy, gloom
面会(めんかい) = meeting (face-to-face), visit
自意識(じいしき)過剰(かじょう) = excessive self-consciousness
言い草(いいぐさ) = remarks; way of talking (cf. 仕草)
自信(じしん)満々(まんまん) = brimming with self-confidence
奥手(おくて) = late bloomer
verbs:
なつく = to become attached to, take to
立ち直る(たちなおる) = to regain one's footing; to recover
めくる = to turn (pages), leaf through
待ち伏せる(まちぶせる) = to ambush
損(そん)する = to lose (e.g., money); to waste one's (time, effort, etc.)
サボる = to be truant, cut class
巡り合う(めぐりあう) = to meet by chance, meet fortuitously
adjectives:
敏感(びんかん) = sensitive, susceptible, aware
adverbs/onomatopoeiae:
今(いま)どき = nowadays, these days
ほどほどに = moderately, in moderation
ついでに = incidentally, while (we) are at it
ぎょっと = being startled
ごろごろ = all over the place, everywhere, in great numbers
グスグス = sniffling
ずっしりと = heavily, profoundly
よっぽど = very, greatly, considerably
きっぱりと = clearly, plainly, definitely
どうせ = in any case, at any rate
expressions:
〜ったら = indicates exasperation after a name
おまけに = to make matters worse, on top of that
浮かない(うかない)顔(かお) = looking depressed, long face
言葉(ことば)に詰まる(つまる) = to be at a loss for words
気(き)が抜ける(ぬける) = to lose heart, be discouraged
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pinksturniolo · 4 months
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Cinnamon
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Matt Sturniolo x Fem Reader (AU) Series
Part One: Small Moments
Intro:
Spring 1981
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Harvard University. The only ivy league school in the state.
Acceptance rate: 14%
Graduation rate: 97%
Tolerability of your mostly fake, pretentious peers: 0%
But your best friend Matt?
He makes it worth sticking around.
content warnings for this chapter: angst, mentions of depression and mental health issues
a/n: this is gonna be a long friends to lovers/slow burn series cause i have so much planned for this story so buckle up :) <3
word count: 2,098
April 1981
The clack of your heels on the wooden floor echoes through the conference hall as you make your way to class, the last one of the day. You speed up a little once you glance at the clock on the wall, realizing you were now late. For the third time this week.
It was unlike you to be late at all, but the looming pressure of final exams and the recent concerning phone calls you’ve been receiving from your mother has you more than a little stressed. You were sleeping later than you normally do and waking up with headaches and worry filling your mind.
The weeks seemed to have blurred together since the spring semester started and now with summer rapidly approaching, it was beginning to feel like too much.
The ding of the last bell rings the moment you reach the door of your English class, and you quietly slip inside, Ms. Ellmore’s voice sounding as she begins her opening lesson of the day. No one really notices you’ve even walked in as you take your usual seat in the back corner.
You can’t help but notice the empty seat next to you that’s usually occupied by your best friend. You feel the slight sting of disappointment in your chest that you’ve felt each time you come into class and he’s not here. Which is more often than you would like to admit.
English Literary Forms was the only class you had with him this year and being that it was the last class of the day, you patiently waited and endured the whole day until you could see him, savoring the small moments you two could share together. You occasionally saw him during lunch, or during assembly once a week that was held by the student body president. But lately he has been absent more than usual and when he was here, you saw him even less than last year.
Last year, you had two classes together. Both of which were back-to-back periods. He would walk with you once Chemistry was finished, taking the long way just so you both could talk more before being confined into the stuffy room of the next period, English Lit class, and the strict disposition of Mr. Lawrence preventing you two from any ongoing form of verbal communication.
It was these moments you held onto that kept you sane.
Fighting to contain your laughter while he makes funny faces at you from across the assembly hall, mocking Amanda’s uptight mannerisms as she rattles on about the recent incident of plagiarism and student policies.
Swapping your apple with his orange at lunch while he sits next to you, your textbooks open on the table since you insisted you help each other study on your short break. He always rolled his eyes at your persistent need to use every bit of free time dedicated to your studies but he never turned down the opportunity to help you.
Strolling through the hallways of school, often being passed up by students who were practically running to get to the next class, but you two paid no mind, lost in conversation about anything and everything. Sometimes, he would walk so close to you that his shoulder would brush yours, and you would find yourself wishing you weren’t wearing a sweater so you could feel the contact against your bare skin, even if he was also wrapped up in the standard crimson of the school letterman.
These moments with your best friend are something you cherished, memories to hold onto when you felt yourself slipping into the darkness again. Ever since you met him at the beginning of freshman year, you felt comfortable with him, happy even, an emotion you didn’t find yourself experiencing too often.
Sure, you had other “friends.” A handful of other students you were cordial with, that you could occasionally engage in meaningless conversation. But it just wasn’t the same. Aside from your roommate, he was the only person at this school you actually enjoyed spending time with. You had always been a shy person, introverted and uninterested in most kids your age. You were basically isolated in high school, hyper focused on your studies so you could earn a scholarship to an ivy league university.
But he kept you on your toes, bringing out a side of you that was a little more relaxed. It was easy to talk to him about personal issues or familial problems. He was easy to trust.
You hear the teacher call your name, breaking you out of your thoughts. You hadn’t realized it was discussion time, and she had asked a question regarding the chapter of Wuthering Heights the class was currently reading.
“I’m sorry, what was that?” you ask her, and a few students snicker under their breath, some even giving you looks. Ms. Ellmore smiles, her cheerful demeanor unwavering even despite your clear lack of attention.
She repeats her question, and you answer with perfect accuracy and thoughtfulness, focusing your attention back to the literature instead of the person you can’t seem to stop thinking about.
❧🝮✿🝮✿❧
The hazy pink of the setting sun fills the sky as you walk towards your dorm, your book bag bouncing on your hip from the lazy way it’s slung over your shoulder. You had spent a couple hours in the library after last period, reading until your eyes grew heavy. It’s usually how you spent your evenings, especially when you felt sad or alone. But even then, the things that bring you joy can be uninteresting at times.
The thing about depression is that it always comes in waves. For you, at least. One week you could be a little more excited to go to your classes, to read your favorite book at the wicker desk in the library, to go for morning walks with Celine your roommate, making fun of the jocks that practice on the lacrosse field, their misogynism practically vibrating off their sweaty bodies.
It goes away for a while. That dark feeling.
And then the next week, you find it harder to get out of bed, to will your limbs awake and carry you to start the day. Your purpose feels lost, swept away by the incessant feeling of wanting to crawl out of your own skin, to leave a world that you don’t even feel is worth being in. And it can feel that way for the whole month.
Students stare at you in the hallways sometime or in class, and you’re sure you’ve heard them whisper a time or two behind your back. They wonder why you’re so quiet, why you’re always alone, what could have possibly happened in your life for you to be so… weird.
But you could care less. You were at this school for the sole purpose of achieving the one goal you haven’t lost sight of since you decided to pursue it. And your mother didn’t work two jobs while raising three kids to help pay for the remainder of the costs after your scholarship, just for you to quit over some mediocre, trust fund dickheads.
So, you do your best to manage your mental health. Even when your favorite person might not be around to make it easier.
You open the door to your room, Celine already in her bed, hair secured away in her bonnet and her current flavor of the week talking in her ear, the pink rotary phone you both share pressed against her face.
You both exchange a warm smile as you remove your shoes and set them in the rack by the door, walking to your bed across from her.
You sit on the mattress in your checkered skirt and tucked in collared school shirt, watching in amusement as she laughs at what the guy’s saying, twirling the telephone cord around her finger. You're sure she would tell you all about it later.
Before you know it, you’re dozing off, too tired to remember to get up and change your clothes or even brush your teeth and wash your face.
It’s a few hours later when a sharp tapping on your window pulls you from your sleep, and you rub the grogginess from your eyes to see a boy with long brunette hair behind it, a cheeky grin on his face.
“Matt?” you whisper, and slide the bottom of the window up, allowing him to climb through. Luckily, your dorm was on the first floor, and this made it easier for him to sneak in on nights like this.
Before you can say anything else, he’s in your bed next to you in seconds, climbing under your duvet. Every dorm has twin beds, but you and Matt seem to fit on it together perfectly, with a sliver of amount of space still between you.
“Hey kid. How was your day?” He whispers his eyes crinkling from the smile still on his face as he places his hands under his head, facing you on your pillow.
“Bearable.” You reply, taking in his features for a moment before letting your eyes slip close, too tired to keep them open. “Where you been?” You mumble back.
“I was at my parent’s house today… my mom needed me.” He tells you, and you pick up on the somber tone in his voice, your eyes opening slightly to catch the matching expression on his face.
“And how is she doing?” You ask. He looks away from you now, his eyes traveling to the sheets of your bed. “She’s a little better. At least I think she is.” He says.
His parents’ house was in Boston, very close to Harvard, so it was no problem for him to drive over there when needed.
One of the many things about Matt that you had come to know was that he was very family oriented and would see them every chance he got. But he was also anti social, and often used visiting them as an excuse to escape from school. Lately however, his mother had just suffered the loss of her sister and his dad was away for work so much that she needed him more than usual.
“It will take time.” You whisper, and he nods, his next response straying from the subject. “Guess who I saw on the way over here?”
You raise an eyebrow, curious as to what he’s going to say. “Who could be up at this time of night?” You ask.
His face lights up in amusement as he watches you closely for your reaction. “Amanda Ridgefield. She was leaving her dorm room with one of those bonehead lacrosse players.”
You burst into giggles, covering your mouth before you’re any louder and look over at Celine, making sure you didn’t wake her. Matt laughs, tugging on your shoulder so you face him again. “Don’t worry, she can sleep through a car crash.” He chuckles. You know it’s true, remembering the many nights you two had ended up in fits of laughter while she slept soundly.
“What was she doing?” You question. “Come on, don't be naive. I think you know what they're up to.” He responds, a smirk on his face. You roll your eyes. “You know what I mean.”
It was hard to imagine Amanda Ridgefield, student body president and notorious judgmental tyrant, sneaking around to have sex with a lacrosse player. She constantly preached that students should practice abstinence and publicly voiced her opinions that girls who sleep around are nothing but whores.
Literally her words.
“Yeah, she’s no better than the rest of us… it was hilarious to see though.” Matt says, and his eyes skim over your school uniform that sticks out from the top of your blanket. “Fell asleep early again?”
You nod, your eyelids once again slipping shut. “I can’t wait for summer break.”
Your voice is laced with fatigue, your lips parted and calm settling in the soft features of your face as Matt watches you fall asleep.
You barely hear him when he whispers, “Get some rest, kid. I’ll see you soon.”
You forget to ask him if he’s even coming to school tomorrow, if he plans on missing even more days now. If he knows how much it hurts when you don’t see him in the desk next to you in English.
Still, it was nice to see him, even if it was for a moment.
But you let yourself fall back into a deep sleep next to him, and you certainly don’t feel his hand brushing lightly over your face, feathering a stroke over your left cheek before quietly leaving the way he came through your bedroom window.
It's always small moments like this that Matt realizes he appreciates the most.
taglist: <3
@sturniolopepsi @tillies33ssss @whicked-hazlatwhore @riasturns @christhopersturniolo @junnniiieee07 @sturnsjtop @seahorsie11 @inveigledvex @mattslolita @certifiednatelover @glassesmattsbae @eryismum @sturncakez @wh0resstuff @ribread03 @sturniololoco @75sturn @mattscoquette @h3arts4harry @chrizznmetswife @bambi-slxt
[if you would like to be added/taken off pls reply to this post or comment on my masterlist. and if u weren’t tagged, it wouldn’t let me add you :/ ]
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clairewritesjjkxreader · 10 months
Text
Sukuna’s Wife and Yuuji’s Onee-chan (Sukuna x Reincarnated!Y/N) au headcanons
Other snippets of this au found here
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When Sukuna awakened, he didn’t yearn for the scent of battle or the blood of the innocent. Before everything else, he felt your soul, and then he saw your face. Not an exact replica from the days gone by, but tiny pieces resonate here and there, beautiful in every way. 
Far from a romantic, Sukuna had little interest in the arts outside of cooking. 
Yet as he slaughtered the lowly thing that dared to lay eyes on you, the words of a dead emperor echoed in his mind:
Though a swift stream be
By a rock met and restrained
In impetuous flow,
Yet, divided, it speeds on,
And at last unites again.*
After a thousand years of fruitless searching, he has found his other half. The swift waters, long separated, have finally reunited.
However–
“Nee-chan, do something about this guy, he keeps talking crap about me when I’m trying to sleep!” 
“You’re the King of Curses? So lame, can’t even take over a teenager? Boring. I could take you down.”
He could handle the annoying pink-haired brat’s yapping, and he will take care of the polished turd that called itself “Gojo Satoru” in due time. Sukuna’s main problem was something far more depressing.
“Darling, please feed me too,” he requested from Itadori’s cheek.
You lifted a piece of bread but instead of offering it to Sukuna, you directed it to the brat’s mouth. 
“Beloved–” he would start, but you’d turn away with a harrumph. Then the white-haired turd would burst out laughing. 
“Sweetheart, if you won’t look here, I will make sure this brat won’t get a wink of sleep.” Your only reply was a chilly snarl.
Of course, any husband would be disheartened by the sight of his wife glaring, but Sukuna was a special case. 
He loved the attention. He’d rather you slap and hit him than ignore him. He preferred your warmth more, but this poisonous disdain of yours burned him in a deliciously different way.
He yearned for your gaze, no matter the cost.
It’s easy to look at Sukuna and think that he is a mega super sadist dom. Well, you’re wrong. He is a total wife-con. His greatest earthly treasure is you, so of course he will treat you with care. You’re the only one who will ever have him on his knees. You could snap him in half and he’d lick your toes in gratitude.
As stated above, he yearns for your attention, so he will do and say anything to have that. A millennium of loneliness has twisted his desires in the most grotesque way possible. He doesn’t want you to hate him so he can’t bring himself to kill the brat you cherish, but he will maim Yuuji just to hear your voice crack from screaming. 
He really wants a physical form. One he can freely move in, so he can court you properly, like he did way back when. If words cannot convince you, then maybe he can remind your body why you loved him so much in the past.
If you were miraculously able to return his affections, he’d be waaaay easier to manage. One word from you can stop his rampage. Even if you were deceiving him to control him, he wouldn’t mind so long as you stayed by his side.
[1] A poem by Sutoku-In. Lifted from: The English translation of Ogura Hyakunin Isshu from Hyakunin-Isshu (Single Songs of a Hundred Poets) and Nori no Hatsu-Ne (The Dominant Note of the Law) by Clay MacCauley Yokohama: Kelly and Walsh, Ltd., 1917. Source: https://jti.lib.virginia.edu/japanese/hyakunin/macauley.html. 
If you have any questions regarding this Sukuna and this version of Reader, feel free to ask cause I’m running out of stuff to say unprovoked.
@shadowywizardarcade @hannya-exists @nineooooo @lilachaeyo @pumpkindudeishere @jessbeinme15 @fluffy-koalala @cringeycookies @frogzxch @isimpfordanielpark @marvelsgirl4ever @sanzusmom @sheccidoscar @marvelsgirl4ever
A/N: My unhealthy obsession with yandere fluffy husband Sukuna is the epitome of #ICanFixHim. (Disclaimer: This should go without saying but in real life, don't ever stay with a guy believing you can fix him. You’ll end up dragging each other down.)
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mmavverickk · 10 months
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Pjo hadcanon, - demigods don't really suffer from PTSD, they can't suffer emotionally at all or are as blunted as possible.
They are disconnected from their feelings/emotions and cannot react to bad things Like ordinary people.
They are frighteningly indifferent to any pain, mental or physical - the pain from physical injuries or something emotional lingers for a maximum of a couple of weeks and then disappears into oblivion like a morning mist. grief passes easily and quickly, fear disappeared in a few minutes, the risk of pleasant waves of adrenaline warming the blood.
And they are prone to sadism and any enjoyment of any kind of violence.
It doesn't matter if it's over yourself, a monster, a mortal, or another demigod.
They are always happy to use weapons or hands/abilities.
These children learn to hold weapons, wear armor and be able to cause serious harm, as soon as they enter the camp, do not expect anything normal/correct or at least explicable from them.
They are not human, they - living weapons, expertly crafted from golden divine blood and mortal flesh.
They were born to fight and die in battle with a blissful smile on their lips.
They were born with broken souls and sick minds.
It's just that someone is bigger, someone is smaller.
this is a fun headcanon, but i want to put a bit of an angstier spin on it:
these children are human, but only partly. they can suffer PTSD. they know what's happened to them, what's been done to them, is wrong. they can suffer flashbacks and repressed memories and trouble sleeping and nightmares and intrusive thoughts and panic attacks and depression and apathy. they do suffer it. but they always get back up. there's surety in their recovery, and there's tragedy in it. they can't stop, can't falter, can't take time to process, can't slow down enough to work through their trauma before the next terrible thing happens.
these demigods are too inhuman to move at a normal pace. they have too much mythical strength in their bones and their blood to stop for any amount of time and heal. they throw themselves at each threat that comes their way like a battering ram with terrifying speed and strength and awareness. it just builds, and builds, and builds until they die or they break.
(sometimes, they think the ones who do die are the lucky ones.)
maybe it's the ever-growing trauma. maybe it's the divinity in their veins. maybe it's something entirely new, entirely too human to be godly, but too godly to be human. maybe they've just finally snapped.
some slowly feel their grasp on reality slipping. what time is it? did they sleep through a whole day again? when did they get to the lava wall? how did they reach the top, and is that a real burn on their hand? it doesn't hurt. is that a camper, or a monster? did the border fail? are those heavy footsteps outside the cabin real? are they really still alive, or is this their eternal punishment for failing succeeding?
some watch as their moral code slips through their fingers like sand. they'll fight as hard as they have to to save their siblings and their allies. they'll kill any monsters that come their way. maybe, they'll kill any demigods, too. maybe even humans. maybe they couldn't save someone, but the battle was still a victory. maybe that sacrifice was necessary to win. maybe sacrifices are okay, to minimize the damage. maybe damage is okay, so long as the enemy dies. maybe, just maybe, a pyrrhic victory is worth it, no matter who was lost, so long as they're still standing at the end of it all.
some stop feeling. it starts as depression. is winning wars worth it if they couldn't save everyone? their sibling died, their friends and lover died, and the world still turns on, cold and unfeeling. maybe cold and unfeeling is the way to go. maybe joy is unnecessary in the long run. maybe sadness is, too. maybe it will make things better. they pick themselves up, resume their routine. everything is normal. archery practice. lava wall. weapon smithing. capture the flag. everything is normal. everything is numb. why should the gods care when their children can't even manage it?
some turn violent. they grew up in war, training endlessly, fighting battle after battle, the only thing standing between the world and its doom. what is there to do now that the war is over, is won, than train more? practice weapons they've never tried, master moves they've never managed. kill in ways they've never thought of. they grew up in war. what good are they without it? what good is a weapon, just sitting around, gathering dust? maybe hurting people isn't right, but if it makes them feel something, isn't it worth it?
it's a cold world. it's not meant for children, human children. those children evolve to survive, and what they turn into barely resembles their mortal parentage. it's a dog eat dog world, survival of the fittest, and the unlucky ones? the ones that didn't die? the ones stuck in their trauma and PTSD and broken minds? they have to figure out how to live in it.
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