#anyway I and the world would both benefit I swear to you you do want this person to have a wife who is me-shaped but alas

[elainemorisi]

on the one hand, I am really good at this being my own wife deal. on the other, sure, would be nice to be someone else's. on the other other, I don't actually want that in the abstract is the problem

[athenamikaelson]

Klaus Mikaelson x Reader!Soulmate x Elijah Mikaelson PART 4

Word Count- 3.1k

Warnings- Swearing, spoilers obi.

My fingers graze the texture of my history textbook. My eyes read through each line. Before I know it I’m at the end of the page, and yet I can’t recall a single sentence I had just “read.” I let out a loud sigh and closed the book, placing it back in place on my desk. Ever since the day I got kidnapped this has been a problem. Without being on edge, I can’t focus on school work, the people around me, or myself. Every time I walk by someone I instantly tense up to the idea of them being something supernatural. I know that Elena has told me everyone in town that she knows is a part of that world but she can’t possibly know when a complete stranger is. 

Worrying about who is supernatural isn’t the only thing that’s been plaguing my thoughts, either. All night I was tossing and turning with the thought of Elijah. Damon and Elena knew as much as I did about how he was still alive. Elena had told me that a vampire could be killed with a wooden stake, and yet it had only affected Elijah temporarily. 

“He’s going to destroy you.”

Kathrine’s words ring in my ears. Stefan had told me not to believe a word she says, but given that these people don’t seem to know what the hell is going on either, I’ve let her words get to me. The look of fear in her eyes at the thought strikes me to my core every time I think back to it. If a vampire that is magically locked up is afraid of this Elijah guy, then I sure as hell will be too. 

I jump slightly in shock as I hear knocking on my door, I untense when I hear my mother’s voice on the other side though. 

“Y/N, you have a friend here to see you,” I stand up and open my door to talk to her but freeze when I see Damon standing behind her. His lips curve up into a smirk and moves his fingers up and down in a wave as he stares at me.

“Your friend Damon here is so kind to drop in to check on you. I had no idea you were feeling under the weather.” 

I glance at my mother and fight the urge to roll my eyes. Although we look so much alike I couldn’t be more different from her. Where I actually take the time to listen to people and try to understand people my mother seems to only care about what benefits her. I’m not surprised at all that she hasn’t noticed my change in attitude these past few days since she never seemed to care before. 

She clears her throat at the silence she gets from me, “Well, I’ll let you talk. I have to be going anyways,” She turns to Damon who fakes a smile at her, “I have a work trip this weekend.”

“Work on the weekends, well that’s no fun,” Damon responds with a flirtatious tone that makes me want to gag. My mother on the other hand turns red.

“No worries, I always find a way to liven things up,” She leans closer to him, “Even though it would be more fun with some company.”

“Mom, you should be going now,” I interrupt before I throw up on both of them. 

My mother nods and says her goodbyes to both of us, mostly Damon, and walks back down the hallway. I let out a sigh of relief but then tense up when I realized that Damon had just entered my room.

“What are you doing here,” I watch as he looks around my small room. After my mother and father’s divorce, my mother wasn’t left with very much money so we had to make do with what we could scrounge up. After moving and divorce costs we left with a tiny 3 bedroom 1 bath single story home here in Mystic Falls. It looks like a shoe box compared to the other houses in this town, but I don’t really care since I plan to move away from here the second I graduate. 

“I need a favor,” Damon says to me as he picks up the stuffed frog I have on my bed and tosses it around in his hands. 

“What kind of favor?”

Damon places the frog back on my bed, “Well, after your and Elena’s little suicide excursion yesterday we’ve magically locked her in her house, and I need you Pukerella to go babysit.” 

I send him a glare at the nickname, “If Elena’s locked in her house why do you need me to babysit her?”

Damon rolls his shoulders and walks towards the door, “I don’t need you to do anything. I want you to go to Elena’s and let me know if she plans on calling the big bad vampire to come sacrifice her.” 

“So you want me to be your spy?”

Damon thinks at the question for a moment before shrugging his shoulders, “Ya, pretty much.”

I shake my head, “I’m not going to spy on my only friend.”

Damon lets out an annoyed groan and pinches the bridge of his nose as if this is the most annoying conversation he’s had, “Fine then you won’t be my spy, you’ll be the babysitter I hired for Elena. There happy? Now come on I got other stuff to do today other than arguing with you, people to go kill and stuff like that you know?”

Damon grabs me by my upper arm and practically drags me out of my room and down the hallway toward the front door. He ignores my yells of anger as he opens the door to his car and pretty much pushes me in. I huff as he speeds over to his side and starts the car.

“Oh and by the way,” I slowly turn my head to glare at him as he starts talking, “You might want to get some vervain for yourself and your family. It was too easy getting your mother to invite me into your quaint home.” 

—-

“We could watch Pretty Woman?” Elena asks Jeremy and I as we sit on the couch. Jeremy lets out a loud groan at the question making Elena laugh.

“Guess not,” She flips through some more channels before she lets out a sound of excitement, “Oh! Grease!” Elena goes to play the movie but Jeremy snatches the remote from her hand.

“No way, not happening. I have seen that movie far too many times because of you and Mom. I’m going to decide.”

It takes Jeremy another 10 minutes to scroll through the channels deciding on a movie. Every time he picks one Elena disagrees and they start arguing over it until they start searching again. This has pretty much been what we’ve been doing for the whole hour in which I’ve been at the Gilbert residence. After Damon kicked me out of his car and drove off I’ve just been listening to the Gilbert siblings argue. It’s not that bad though. Jenna, Jeremy and Elena’s aunt, supplied us with snacks a bunch of snacks before she had to leave for something she had to go do.

“Aha!”

I turn to the TV to see what Jeremy picked and cringe as I see the beginning credits for “The Human Centipede.”

Elena’s sound of disgust mirrors mine as she stands up, “This is no use. Y/N do you just want to go up to my room?” 

I glance at the TV again momentarily and nod my head, “Defiantly.”

—

“You’ve got to read this book I just got,” Elena jumps up from her spot on the floor next to me and goes to her bookshelf, “The romance in it is so steamy and the main male character in it is so hot!” She stops and blushes at what she just said.

“Don’t tell Stefan,” She points at me.

I laugh as I bring my fingers to my lips and pretend to lock them, “You’re secret is safe with me.”

Elena and I had been making small talk until I had mentioned that I liked reading, which caught her attention. She had told me she does too and we began talking about our favorite books and genres. To which we found out we’re both fans of romance, jumpstarting an hour-long discussion. 

Elena sits back down next to me and hands me her book. I strum through the pages.

“I’ll make sure to read it and let you know what I think.”

She nods and looks away as if in thought, “I can’t believe we didn’t become friends earlier. Why is that?” 

Her question has me stirring uncomfortably, “Honestly I’m not that surprised. I’m not that noticeable.” 

This comment has Elena furrowing her eyebrows and shaking her head, “You’re joking right,” At my look of confusion she continues, “Of course I noticed you. I mean when you come to a small town like this it’s hard not to be noticed but what I mean is that I always thought you were cool.”

I can feel my cheeks warm up at her compliment and I glance down at my fingers to hide it.

“You thought I was cool?”

“Ya of course,” She responds instantly, “You’ve got great style and you’ve got this mysterious aura about you. I just never approached you because I thought you didn’t like me.” 

Her confession has me looking up and frowning, “Why would you think that?”

She shrugs her shoulders, “You just kind of sometimes look like you don’t want to be approached by anyone. I just assumed. I’m sorry.”

I shake my head at her apology, “Don’t apologize! And no, I never hated you I always thought you were the cool one. I just think I have that look on my face all the time.”

Elena laughs and smiles at me, “OK, good.”

“Good.”

We’re about to start talking about books again when we hear the front door open.

“Jenna must be home,” Elena says as she stands up and reaches her hand down for me to grab. I grab it and pull myself up and we walk downstairs. 

We turn the corner and we both give each other a look as we see Jenna on the ground rummaging through some boxes. 

“Hey. What are you doing,” Elena questions her Aunt.

“Oh perfect timing,” She grabs a cardboard box and hands it to Elena, and then gives another to me.

“Whoa. Oh. What is this stuff?”

“Your mom’s files from the historical society. I got roped into helping Mrs. Lockwood,” Jenna grabs her box and stands up, “And by roped, I mean very excited to participate.”

I silently laugh as I try to balance the heavy box in my arms, the laughing stops though once Jenna closes the door and I lock eyes with the man who’s been haunting my every waking thought. 

“Hey, I’m Elijah.”

Elena and I stand there frozen as we watch Jenna interact with the vampire. 

“Elijah’s in town doing research on Mystic Falls,” She introduces us not knowing we’ve already had the displeasure of meeting. 

I freeze up and grip the box I’m holding tighter to my chest as Elijah walks closer to us. He quickly greets Elena, skating her hand before turning his full attention onto me. I’m visibly shaking right now and it only worsens as Elijah reaches his hands up and grabs the box from my hands. His fingers grazed mine for longer than needed. 

“Here let me take this,” He places the box back down and reaches his hand up to me in greeting. 

We both stand there looking at each other for what seems like forever as he waits for me to shake his hand.

“I don’t like being touched,” I blurt out. Elijah slowly lowers his hand and I might be mistaken but from the look on his face, he almost appeared saddened by that. 

Jenna joins us again telling Elijah that he can stay here and rummage through the boxes, to which he turns down. I try to find the wall behind Elena interesting to keep my line of sight away from the vampire, but I can still sense him staring at me. After another moment he tells Jenna he’s going to have someone pick up the boxes tomorrow and bids Jenna and Elena a farewell. I almost think he’s left us but when I look back over I find that Elijah has moved even closer and he gives me a warm smile and leans down.

“I hope to speak with you again soon, Miss Y/L/N.” My chest starts moving up and down rapidly, which he seems to have noticed, as I nod at his words. He doesn’t seem to get that I won’t be saying anything back to him because he stands there staring at my face. After what seems like a lifetime I watch as he moves by me towards the front door, but not before he lifts a finger and grazes the end of my sweater. 

I watch with bated breath as he shuts the door behind him. Elena doesn’t waste any time before dragging me up the stairs and banging on Jeremy’s door. As she goes to open the door I feel a hand grab my waist and pull me. My back hits something strong and I go to squeal but it comes out muffled as a hand moves over my mouth. I look up and freeze as I stare up at Elena to whom he motions to be quiet. I hear Jeremy open his door but I can’t focus on any of the words he’s saying as I watch Elijah’s face. I make note of the light stubble that runs across his jawline and the practically flawless skin he has. Lucky ass vampires. My staring must’ve caught his attention, as his dark brown eyes meet mine. Once again the corners of his lips turn upwards into a small smile as he watches me watch him. 

Jeremy walking by us catches my attention and Elijah drops the hand from my mouth, but not before leaning down, and what I could’ve sworn was sniffing my hair. Elena quickly grabs my hand and pulls me away from Elijah and for a second I almost feel annoyed at this. Clearly not as annoyed as Elijah though was lets out a snarl, making Elena go rigid. 

“What do you want?”

Elijah composes himself once, “I think it’s time we three at a little chat.”

—-

“Forgive the intrusion. I mean your family no harm,” Elijah tells Elena as he walks around her room.

“Why did you kill those vampires when they tried to take me,” Elena questions him as she comes to sit down next to me on her bed. 

“Because I didn’t want you to be taken,” Elijah says confusing both Elena and I, “Klaus is the most feared and hated of the Originals but those who fear him are desperate for his approval. If word gets out that the doppelganger exists there’ll be a line of vampires eager to take you to him and I can’t have that.”

A cold feeling runs up and down my spine at the mention of Klaus. 

“Isn’t that exactly what you’re trying to do,” Elena questions him again. 

“Let’s just say that my goal is not to break the curse.”

My eyebrows furrow in confusion at the confession. Elijah looks at Elena and then brings his eyes towards me for a moment before turning back to Elena as she begins speaking. 

“So what is your goal?”

“Klaus’ obsessions have made in paranoid. He’s a recluse. He trusts only those in his immediate circle.”

“Like you?”

“Not anymore.”

“An old ass paranoid vampire, how much better could this be,” I whisper out loud to myself sarcastically. I look up and see Elijah looking at me with a small smirk on his face as he must’ve heard my comment. 

“You don’t know where he is do you,” Elena questions but he doesn’t turn his gaze away from me, “So you’re trying to use me to draw him out.” 

Elijah lets out a sigh as he turns his attention back towards my friend, “Well, to do that I need you to stay put and stop trying to get yourself killed.”

He gives her a smile and I have to stop myself from smiling at it. 

“How do I know you’re telling the truth?”

“Well, if I wasn’t being truthful, all your family would be dead and I’d be taking you to Klaus right now. Instead… I’m here and I’m prepared to offer you a deal.”

And the smile was instantly gone. 

This grabs Elena’s attention, “What kind of a deal?”

Elijah stands up and starts walking around, “Do nothing. Do nothing, live your life, stop fighting. And then, when the time is right, you and I shall draw Klaus out together and I shall make certain that your friends remain unharmed.”

“And then what?”

“Then I kill him.”

“Just like that?”

Elijah smirks at her, “Just like that. I’m a man of my word, Elena. I make a deal, I keep a deal.”

“How are you going to be able to keep everybody safe?”

“You know, I notice you have a friend, Bonnie, is it? She seems to possess the gift of magic. I have friends with similar gifts.”

“You know witches.” Elena nods her head to which I fight the urge to say “duh” to. This guy is oldddd, of course, he knows witches. 

“Together we can protect everybody that matters to you.” 

I watch silently as Elijah walks over to Elena and reaches his hand out for her to shake, “So do we have a deal?”

“As long as you keep my friends safe,” Elena looks over to me, “Y/N is one of those friends.” 

Elijah looks over to me and smirks, “Trust me deal or no deal. No one will be laying a finger on Y/N. That I give you my word on.”

I fidget under his intense stare.  

“I need you to do one more thing for me.”

Elijah turns back to face Elena with an incredulous look, “We’re negotiating now?”

Elena tells Elijah she’ll accept his deal if he gets his witches to free Stefan from some vampire tomb he’s been trapped in. Why has no one told me this yet? Elijah reluctantly agrees and they shake hands, cementing their deal. With one last glance toward me, Elijah nods his head and speeds away. 

Elena and I both let out shaking breaths as we stared at each other. 

“Any chance you want to spend the night,” Elena asks me hopefully with a sheepish look.

I nod my head quickly, “My mom is out of town and my brother’s at a sleepover. There’s no way in hell I’m going back to that empty house tonight.” 

[gladiatorcunt]

summary: priest!leto x afab!reader x priest!paul (title from scorpio by pour vous)

cw: blasphemy if i’m being so real, spit roasting, reader is lowkey losing it but they’ll be okay, dubcon, pwp-ish (there’s set up but it’s not that long imo), mention of paul being into predator/prey, daddy kink coded without the actual daddy kink, horror elements, unreliable narrator vibes, mention of them being willing to non con reader if things didn’t go their way, no incest between leto & paul 💀, reader’s their sad loser turned attic spouse, mention of eventual impreg, implied soft dom!leto & mean dom!paul, religious practice inaccuracies, possibly predictable plot twists, implied painful anal but reader’s too out of it to feel it, implied natural aphrodisiac in their spit, reader bleeds

wc: 2.5k

block & move on if uncomfortable,

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You’ve been feeling… lost. The trees keep secrets from you and the clouds mix together like egg whites. You wish you knew what kind of pill you need to be on, you wish you knew what was wrong with you. You’re paranoid and seeing blank eyes watching you through the brick and mortar of your apartment. Your skin burns hotter than hell and sometimes you think that there are claws grabbing at your ankles when you sleep.

Church hasn’t been something you’ve bothered to attend since you were a kid, but you yearn for it now.

You pull your tattered coat around yourself as you step into the ancient building. The Church of Caladan is the oldest church in the country, if not the world. You hope you don’t look silly when you take caution with how hard your feet hit the stone. ‘You break it, you buy it’ must apply to old churches too.

Your unease rolls off you in waves, and a couple nearby priests seem to sense it in the same way that horses can sense fear. For a second you imagine bursting into flames, but there are hands groping your flesh through the great hellfire.

They’re about even in height, though one is clearly older. The gray hair weaved into his temples suits him more than it shows his age. The younger man has the same dark and wavy hair, but his gaze is a touch more haggard and rife with burden.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn't have burst in here…. I'm just looking around.” You rush to explain so they would go away, internally cringing at yourself.

“No, we want newcomers to feel comfortable enough to ask questions. I’m Leto,” He says and shakes your hand. “And this is my son, Paul. He’s recently started working here at the church with me.”

Paul steps up to shake your head as well, his mouth doesn’t move but you swear that the corners twitch. The stained glass windows cast a multicolored hue on his eyes and you find yourself lost in the swirling pools of light. Then black holes swallow the brightness in the irises, cosmic cannibalism.

You blink in alarm and awkwardly take a step back from the two priests. Father and son share a look between them that has the hairs on the back of your neck standing them.

Leto clears his throat and pointedly grabs your hands in both of his, encapsulating them in his warmth.

“You’ll have to forgive him, Paul’s never dealt with a lamb as darling as you before. He’s never dealt with one at all actually, you two can go through this together.”

Paul smiles but it fits all wrong, with teeth that should be fangs and with a tongue that appears forked. You blink again and all is well, the man before you fits his human skin like a glove. Maybe you should give them the benefit of the doubt, you’re convinced you’re going crazy anyway and Priests would never be capable of hurting someone. Ghosts aren’t real and Demons are just a crazed mother’s bedtime story.

“Um, okay. Thank you for accepting me.” That’s all you want, deep down, and they know that. “I felt moved to be here, I can’t explain it.”

Leto nods and Paul rubs your shoulder in sympathy. They would hiss that they know full well what called you here, but you might bleat and scurry away. You make a sad picture, abandoned and half insane, but that’s what they are for. To soothe and to serve you, to purify you from the inside out.

“Then all the more reason to stay and sit for a moment, don’t you think?” Paul finally speaks, the boyish tone surprising you.

“Paul’s right, let’s get this jacket off you, poor lamb. You must be freezing to death.” Leto coos, shushing your protests and carefully pulling the cheap thing off of you.

They take you on a little tour of sorts, pointing out the architectural details of the building itself as well as passionately delving into its history. Centuries of worship and service to the community, strangely never having sustained any kind of property damage. The priests speak of the church as if they were wandering through the halls all this time, and they chuckle when they tease you about how relieved they were that you didn’t suffer from a nosebleed. They’re quite common apparently.

“I think that should do it, i’d hate to think that we’ve been talking your ear off, dear.” Leto says, rubbing the inside of your wrist and directing you towards the large piano on the stage at the front of the church.

He must notice the sudden spark in your eyes at the sight, because his crow’s feet wrinkles deepen as he pulls the black piano bench out. Leto’s palm spreads out wide and he gives the leather seat a firm pat, signaling for you to sit down. Butterflies swirl in your stomach with anxiety but you feel too shy to refuse the clearly eager offer. You take a seat in front of an onyx grand piano far grander than you’re used to seeing in a church.

Leto soon occupies the space next to you. The bench is small enough that your thigh is pressing against his, warmth bleeds through your clothes and the indication of muscle really makes you wish you were alone in your room with a rose toy. You place your fingers on the pristinely polished keys and clumsily play some hodgepodge of a melody that you remember from your childhood. A mix of tchaikovsky and children's church songs.

You jump and play the wrong note when you feel thick fingers slide up your thigh. Your cheeks burn with heat but you focus on the music. Leto sighs with sugary sweet satisfaction but doesn’t move his fingers any further. He also doesn’t try to play, it’s almost like he only wants to bask in the domesticity of watching you perform. You think you hear him whisper “That’s it, who knew such a talented lamb would be gracing our doorstep?”

You get a flash of riding him on the piano, gasping into his hair chest when it breaks under the weight of your passion. Thin fingers come from behind to caress your ass as it moves, much colder than the cock you’re bouncing on. Then it fades away, and you’re back to making a fool of yourself with your little song.

Paul watches from the pulpit, eyes drinking in the way your curves expand and move as you squirm. His grip tightens on the bright wood but you’re none the wiser. You almost forget that he’s even there, something which he realizes because he strolls to stand behind you and his father. The music stops once you feel his breath on your neck and he bends down to tenderly pull your hair off of your shoulder, getting himself acquainted with the texture as he rubs his fingertips down the strands.

A distant voice calls out for Leto and he stands, smiling apologetically and thanking you for the performance. You feel adrift as you watch him walk away, reminding yourself that a man like him has other things to do than coddle you.

Paul slides a hand down your back and guides you down to the pew right up front, with a view of center stage, sitting right beside you with a wink. Once Leto returns, you spot the silver tray of communion wafers in his hands. The tray is set on the pulpit by his side.

The older man's eyes darken as he puts one in his mouth, and your brain shuts down when he snatches your face in his rough palms and kisses you sense no less. The wafer cracks as his tongue passes it into your mouth, the salty crumbs oddly making you crave something even saltier. There’s a sticky sweet sensation traveling through your body as you exchange saliva with him, your brain feels so foggy.

You break away, curling your hands into the collar of Leto’s uniform.

“Wait, what are you doing?” Your voice is small and not completely filled with disgust, you’re honestly too desperate for some form of human contact to make good decisions.

“We’re helping you, honey.” Leto purrs into the seam of your mouth, shaking his head in apparent fondness.

You’re too cute for your own good, at least they don’t have to worry about covering their tracks. Any incubus or succubus would be glad to get a hold of someone as lonely as you, but they wouldn’t love you like you deserve. You haven’t been watched by anyone as long as you’ve been watched by them. He hopes that Paul doesn’t shove his foot in his mouth and let it slip that he wished you gave them the opportunity to take you by force. His son carries a torch for a bit of predator and prey action, he likes playing with his food too much. You’re different from the scrambling mice that get torn to bits, though, you’re forever.

Plus, if you don’t get it now, he has no problems with explaining everything when you’re too weak to get up and try to run away.

Paul buries his face in your neck, spilling the vial of wine he had in his pocket down your shirt. It soaks the tank top underneath and though you try with all your might to wriggle away, the desire to resist gets brushed away under a heavy fog.

It’s nice to be touched, to be wanted after a lifetime of feeling the exact opposite. Perhaps this is why the lord guided you to his grandest home, so you could take his prophets into your body.

The black vanishes from Paul’s eyes and you sink against his chest, making out with his father as your eyes roll back into your head.

No words are uttered verbally as Paul shuffles to the side and pulls you to lie back on the pew’s cushion. Leto deprives you of his tongue and gives you a chance to breathe, which both men do with you in sync, resting their foreheads against you.

The nectar on your tongue tastes divine, little lamb, a voice whispers in your mind.

Let us give you purpose so you no longer need to roam, another begs.

You’re crying from the relief of having your mouth filled, Paul tilts your head up by your chin as he slowly slides his cock into your mouth. The ridges and bumps of what feels like piercings sends a jolt of arousal through you.

“Fuck-” He hisses and rubs your neck, watching you adjust to the stretch. “So warm-”

Leto tuts and clamps his hands around your hips, you’re already too fucked out to register sharp black claws taking care of your clothes. Leaving you bare. A shiver passes through your body as he drags his huge hand down to your pussy, being mindful not to accidentally scratch you. He intends for there to be no blood, this time, not a lot.

You gag on Paul’s length when Leto slams your hips against his pelvis, grinding not one but two large cocks against your cunt. If you were looking at his face, you’d see pitch black eyes and intimidating fangs, but all you can focus on is the hazy candle light and what must be someone playing an organ.

You catch a view of one of the stained class windows, a pair of angels cradling a lamb. It’s the only damaged part of the church, with cracks running along the angel’s wings. You’d think it’s a sneeze away from shattering entirely. Your view of it is blurred by Paul’s quick thrusts, gagging on it again. Drools drip onto the red carpet.

Leto grabs one of Paul’s curled horns and yanks his head to the side, scolding at him to be nicer to you. You’ve clearly never taken three cocks inside you, the one you’re servicing is proving to be overwhelming enough. Again, Paul’s new to this experience as well, just in a different way than you are. In a sense, it’s like he was born yesterday. The older man relays this to you through your choked moans and tears, assuring you that he’s taught Paul how to clean up his messes and be grateful. Something like this will be no different.

“Hush, beloved. I would have gladly speared your mouth but you would be dead before I could cum inside it.”

You see God in the sky when Leto slaps the tapered tip of one of his dicks against your slick entrance, God sees you when he gets the tight walls of ass to wrap around the other. Unbeknownst to you, it’s funny how so many things are, your blood pools around his balls. You’re in pain sure but you’ve never felt as much pleasure as you have in this instance. Both “Priests” smell your blood and well, only your body can tell the rest of the story. Later you’ll wake up to find that the building around you has ruby walls and it seems to be breathing. The shooting pain in your left hand is the result of two iron rings being chiseled into the bone of your ring finger.

The four leathery wings protruding from your back, with spikes poking out from the joints, are waiting to be discovered. As are the nubs sprouting out of your hair.

For now beads of sweat highlight your bouncing tits, Paul gropes one and Leto runs the edge of his claw along the side of the other. They’re hissing words that string together and disappear in the blink of an eye, voices slurred and sticky. Their babbling stops and starts again as you reflexively swallow around Paul’s cock when he skull fucks you without warning. They laugh too, but you can at least pretend that Leto’s tone is kinder.

“Alright, alright. That’s enough teasing.”

“But father-“

“I said no. And don’t think for a second that you’re getting anything else but their mouth.”

“Why the fuck not?”

“You lack self control, it wouldn’t be suitable for conception to occur like this. As delectable as their quivering cunt is, demons shouldn’t abstain from courting.”

“You’re saying that as you’re balls deep inside of them.”

“Don’t start with me, Paul.”

All while you’re making gurgling sounds in between the younger priest’s thighs. You hear growls that sound like a mountain lion’s emitting from both men, and the heavy thumps of something flapping in the air gets you holes clenching around Leto. Both men feverishly scratch up and down your limp body, but you’re so enraptured by the chorus of angels happening outside. You have no sense of time, it’s minutes or it’s hours before their cum spills inside of you. There’s too much to possibly keep it all inside, a good amount of it leaks from your cunt and your throat. Leto feels like Christ incarnate when you squirt all over him and yourself with the dumbest expression on your face. Multicolored pieces of glass fall down around you with the loud chime of an invisible bell.

[miyukisu]

All Over Me .ᐟ

❤︎ | Amidst the cruelty of the world, he's your therapy ╰ feat. toji fushiguro x afab! reader

tags - based on Therapy by Khalid, friends with benefits, angst, p*rn with plot, yearning, toxic-ish relationship, both of them have self-destructive habits, drinking, drunk sex, non-jjk au but Toji remains an assassin, soft dom! Toji, sweet & passionate sex, shower sex, creampies, overstimulation, happy ending, mentions of blood and injuries but not from the sex, second chances, praise, p in v

minors do not interact

They say that time heals all wounds. But you've ceased to believe that. The gaping emptiness in your heart has never seemed to fix itself no matter how long you waited.

But there were rare moments when it felt fine—when your heart felt full enough that it could burst. Temporary fix was what it was. But it was better than nothing at all. You found solace in the one person that you shouldn't. But again, it was better than nothing at all.

You watched as he got up and sat by the edge of the bed, preparing to leave. As much as you loved his broad back and the way his muscles rippled every time he moved, you hated to see it like this—as a sign of his impending departure.

"You're leaving?" you ask as if this wasn’t a regular occurrence. But you still ask the same question each time and he answers every time. It's the same thing no matter what; Toji fucks you real good and leaves right after.

He picks up the black shirt that was discarded to the side before the two of you got frisky. Toji easily slid it back on his hulking frame. And maybe it’s because you were fucking with no strings attached that you oddly felt aroused and sad at the same time. The way he dressed up to leave was effortlessly hot—in fact, anything that Toji Fushiguro did, you found it hot. But that never changed the fact that he always would leave you high and dry.

A soft and almost disappointed sigh left his scarred lips. “Yeah. I gotta go,” he replies flatly.

Every inch he takes farther from you—a part of your heart hollows. And recently, you’ve been feeling as if there was a piece of your heart that never felt filled up like it used to. There was always something missing.

It’s not like you didn’t know what it was. You did know and that part is what scared you the most… because you were sure you have fallen in love with Toji Fushiguro. The missing piece that you were secretly craving for was his love—pure, unadulterated love. The same love both of you agreed to never fall into.

But here you were.

Usually when he said he was leaving, that was the end of it. No more words were to be exchanged. But tonight was different.

“I’m not coming back after this,” he adds. He was as straightforward as one can be, yet the thought couldn’t fully sink in to you. No, you didn’t want it to sink in. It had to be fake or you swear you’d die.

You open your mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Any logical argument flew right out the window the moment he said he’d never return. “What? What do you mean! Toji? But we were… we were doing okay? Right?” you asked rather desperately. “Right?”

“Do you love me?”

The question was heavy—too fucking heavy for you to handle. But you figured what would happen next lies in how you choose to answer his question. You knew the right answer—the one that would make him stay.

But by God; you cannot find it in yourself to lie to him and especially to yourself. You loved him. That was the fact of the matter, regardless of how hard you try to deny it.

However, soon as you uttered the word "yes" —Toji Fushiguro was out the door and out of your life.

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Toji thought he had made the right decision. All of a sudden, Shiu was dumping so much work on him that he had to work until the late hours of the evening. He wouldn't really have time to visit you anyway. So it all worked out in the end.

But those were thoughts he conjured up to comfort himself. He didn't really believe that he had gone down the right path with you.

Or maybe it was some kind of withdrawal? Perhaps the sex was too fucking good that now he wasn't getting it—he was starting to feel miserable. It was the same as the time he quit drinking or the time he quit gambling.

Then, he wondered when he let go of those things.

"Ah... it was because of her," he thought to himself. He inadvertently became a better person because of the woman he claimed he only slept with.

Toji felt awful for making you feel like it was your fault everything fell apart—when in fact he was the one who fell hard. He was the one who was afraid that his feelings would fuck everything up.

Both of you break rules. Both of you were very very miserable people. And maybe that's why you two go so well together.

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Toji knew he was fucked in the head. He had to be. After all, he did kill people for a living. But also because he was currently walking up to your apartment at 2 in the morning covered in his own blood.

He didn't care if anyone saw him or if you figure out his line of work. All he knew in his head—no, his heart—that he wanted to see you.

The feeling that he had been seeking out for weeks finally filled him to his very bones now that he stood in front of you. He was sure that you'd be asleep, but you answered your door way too fast. Behind you, he can see the glass of whiskey you had been nursing before he came over. It broke his heart a bit that you returned to drinking most likely because of him.

You weren't sure what to feel. On one hand, the man you dreamt of every night of coming back did come back—knocking at your door, asking for forgiveness. But on another, he was fucking covered in blood.

"W-what happened to you?"

"I kill people for a living," he says, not wanting to beat around the bush anymore. "It's mine. Don't worry," he adds, referring to the blood that had dried and painted his body—as if that makes things any better.

Rather than be scared like every other person would be, all your brain did was justify him. The real world was cruel; people like him had to exist. People just live too much of a comfortable life that jobs like these scare them before considering the nuances. Maybe he killed bad people specifically. That was okay, right?

It had to be. You wanted nothing more than to have him again. Every fiber of your body told you so.

Maybe you were fucked in the head too.

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Did it make you a bad person for feeling so good in his arms? With his lips on yours and his hands groping very part of you that he could? Probably. But you could care less.

The warm water of the shower trickled down your entangled bodies. Not much of cleaning was done when the both of you were too busy making out and making up for lost time. Truth be told, it was crazy how both of you just made your way here without much words exchanged.

It was like you just knew—his sins had to be washed away and you had to be in each other's presence again.

"I can't take it anymore," he whispered in your ear. Toji grabbed the flesh of your thigh, lifting your leg up and hooking it around his waist. His aching cock teased your dripping entrance.

Oh, how he missed this feeling.

There was a sense of desperation and need with the way he sunk himself into you so quickly. He sheathed everything right away without a second thought. After not feeling his cock for a few weeks, the abrupt stretch was painfully good.

He had to go faster. He lifted your other leg up, now hooking both around his waist so you hovered in the air. Toji held you up easily by the ass—big calloused hands gripping on your smooth silky skin.

He fucked into you without a care in the world. If anything, all that mattered in the moment was for him to chase that high that he missed. Every hard thrust he gave you earned a new scratch on his back from your nails.

Toji was relentless with how he pounded his cock into your weeping pussy—that all you could do was to hold on to him for dear life. A string of moans and curses left your lips and they went straight to his ears, urging him to go even faster.

You were louder than usual since you were a bit tipsy from the whiskey, but more so because he was fucking you so good. You hoped that the sound of the running water would mask a bit of your noises.

It was like your cunt had memorized the shape, the curve, and every vein of his dick. You were made for each other, more ways than one.

"Fuckkk," he groaned. "You missed this, baby? 'Cuz I sure fucking did."

A breathless moan came out of you rather than a coherent answer. It hasn't even been 15 minutes and you were already out of it. "Hah... yes. Missed this. Missed you."

Toji felt a bit ridiculous how his balls tightened and his cock twitched at your sweet words. It only confirmed his feelings. What he was feeling right now wasn't merely lust, but also love. To show you his sincerity, he made sure to shoot his load deep within you—right where you can feel it.

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He was feeling more generous than usual today. And by that he meant he needs to fill you up even more. Though it was hardly an excuse for him just wanting to wrap his dick with the warmth of your pussy.

The fact that both of you were still wet from the shower became an afterthought as he carried you to bed. It was going to get drenched anyway. Besides, he was starting to feel confined in the small shower space. He had a primal need to bend you over backwards, to fuck you senseless in every way that he possibly could.

"Don't hafta move for me, alright? Lemme take care of you hm?" he gently whispered in your ear. He let you be a pillow princess for the night as a way to atone for his mistake. His pretty lady was about to get nothing else but unsullied pleasure.

He softly bit into your neck before sliding his cock right back where it belonged. Toji felt strange that louder groans were leaving his lips, hence the need to bite your neck, your shoulders, and especially your chest.

His pace never slowed as his lips roamed your upper half. He left marks all over because he thought it would make him feel better—to see the proof that you were all his. He rolled your sensitive nipple between the pads of his fingers, wanting to push you further.

"Keep making those sounds. Fuck. I won't last long if you're like this."

Without warning, he slid out momentarily to flip you over. Your cheek was now pressed against the damp sheet of your bed while he held up your ass in the air. He meant it when he said you didn't have to move at all.

He gripped your waist so tightly that you were sure it would leave marks, but that wouldn't be the first time it happened.

He easily slid his cock right back in, rearing to thrust mindlessly into you again. But before that, he leaned down and pressed gentle kisses on your nape—all the way down to your back. Once he was satisfied, he began to snap his hips against you.

Toji was able to go faster now that you were on the bed. It left you a drooling and moaning mess. He let go of your hips, deciding to plant one hand on the mattress beside your head while the other slithered down to play with your neglected clit.

Toji was a man of many talents, but he was certainly the best at fucking your pussy and toying with your clit at the same time. You don't think any other man could fuck you as good as he does. And you might be right.

For some reason, he too was feeling extra sensitive. Maybe those lonely nights he spent fisting his cock to the memories of you two just weren't enough to satisfy him completely. He wanted this. He needed this.

He leaned down, almost crushing you with his weight as he wrapped his thick arms around your waist. He wanted to feel all of your warmth and inhale your scent while he pounded into you.

"Toji... so good. You fuck me so good."

"Yeah? You think so?" Another groan leaves him. "Pussy takes me in so well... makes me think we're made for each other hm?"

Hearing him say that made your pussy clamp down on him. And you know he felt it with the way he squeezed you even more with his arms. He was totally overwhelming you, but you weren't one to complain.

A small smile crossed his lips once he felt your sweet pussy flutter around him. He missed this feeling too.

"You gonna cum for me now? C'mon let it all out. You deserve it."

And you did while screaming his name. You came so violently that your vision went white and blurry for a moment. Tears rolled down your eyes, overjoyed with the intense orgasm, but more so because of his sweet words.

He hasn't said it yet, but you knew that you felt the same way for each other.

Though he wasn't done yet. He was far from done.

You were still reeling from the mind blowing orgasm he gave you when he peeled your body off of the bed. Toji kept his arms wrapped snugly around your body as made both of you kneel upright on the mattress.

One hand held you by the waist while the other roughly cupped one breast. Now that you've came more than once, he was free to chase his own climax.

He kept fucking into you—wanting nothing else but to cum buckets into your pussy. He couldn't help but bite into your shoulder again, trying to suppress the embarrassing sounds he threatened to spill out.

Your ass was starting to hurt from all the skin slapping against each other and your cunt was overstimulated as ever. He was breaking you, but you loved every second of it.

"I'm so close, ma... Tell me that you love me. Tell me," he commanded.

"I love you... so so much. I love you, Toji."

Shit. He wasn't strong enough to resist that. Ropes of cum filled your cunt. Toji held you down on his dick as if you were going to escape from him. He rode out his high, letting his cock twitch inside you until nothing was left of him.

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Once you realized that you had passed out, a sinking feeling filled your chest. You were scared to be met in an empty and dirtied bed—alone like before.

But you were surprised to feel clean and dry sheets against your skin. But most of all, you were happy to see him beside you, asleep and with the most relaxed expression you've seen on him.

You could sleep soundly again knowing that he would stay for good this time.

©kzyluvr do not repost/reupload/translate any of my works on other platforms

╰ author's note hmm, I guess I'm kinda happy with this. I hope I did him justice

[hope-you-brought-kneepads-bitch]

What are we Wanda?

I got a little carried away with this request but it's finally here!

Request for @katiemcgrathsbitch1 I hope you like it 😊 I'm sorry it took so long!

Summary: You and Wanda were friends with benefits and that’s it or is it? Wanda can’t make up her mind about how she feels about you until a party forces her to confront her feelings

Words: 3,384 (got carried away)

Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI, light smut, swearing, and Wanda having emotions

“Shit Wanda, that must be a record” you were breathless and yet Wanda was still going, riding you with no abandon, a strap nestled deep inside her, for what felt like hours now, actually it probably was hours for all you know “fuck Y/n! Keep going!”

You let out a strained chuckle gripping her waist “you’re doing most of the work”

She laughed and slowed herself down after her like 4th orgasm? “yo-you never do any work”

“Fuck off Wands I eat you out” a particularly hard thrust made Wanda fall on top of you and you laughed "are you okay mommy?" you feigned concern for her "fuck you Y/n" her breath was ragged trying to gain control but you laughed halting your pace and holding her still on your lap

"Y/n! Come on don't stop please! I'm sorry just keep going!" Her incoherent ramblings made you laugh, she was so cute, her nose scrunch and the way her hands gripped your shoulders and the small whimpers leaving her mouth every time she rolled her hips

"What are y-you staring at?" Wanda wasn't sure why you were staring at her but you'd been doing it a few times since you guys started sleeping together and while it seemed fine Wanda worried you were getting feelings for her, this was about sex and sex only, yeah you and her had little takeaway dates before you tore each other’s clothes off and sometimes breakfast in bed but you both agreed it was nothing serious, that's what she keeps telling herself anyway

"I'm staring at the hottest woman in the world on my lap, maybe I'll take a picture and send it to our friends, I know Vis has been eyeing you up, do you think he'd like seeing you fall apart on my lap? I bet he would the-

A slap stopped you talking "the fuck was that?" You refused to move ignoring the way her nails dug into your shoulders "you've never slapped me"

"You wouldn't shut up" she breathed out

"There's other ways to shut me up Wanda" you laughed and Wanda rolled her eyes removing herself from your lap "I'm no longer in the mood"

You tried to hold in your laughter as you watched Wanda limp to the bathroom, sighing you removed the harness throwing it to the floor and covering yourself with the blanket

When Wanda came out a few minutes later she was in one of your bathrobes glaring at you "so what do you have to say?"

You shrugged "you'd look better without the robe to be honest"

"Not me idiot, why'd you involve our friends and Vis? I don't want to think about them while I'm riding you do I?"

You thought about it and you guessed she was right but she still didn't have to be so overdramatic "sorry Wands I guess I just got a little excited"

She giggled "I like you excited but that was a bit much"

Wanda walked back to the bed getting in a cuddling up to you laying her head on her favourite part of your body, your chest, chest was definitely her favourite

"Why don't you ever let me cuddle on your chest?" You laughed always admiring how Wanda curled into you and gave a small kiss to your shoulder.

"Are you kidding me? Your chest is heaven your breasts are like pillows"

"That sounds like a teenage boy talking" you patted her on the head and if she wasn't so comfy she'd shout at you “just shut up and take the compliment for once”

*****************************************************************

Nat pressed up against Wanda kissing her neck and smiling at the moans that escaped her mouth "you're adorable Wands, such a brat too"

She pushed Nat away at that frowning at her "I'm not a brat Natalia"

The woman laughed "what's up with you? You've been distracted, have you been with Y/n again? You always get so boring after being with her-

"Don't say that!" Wanda scrambled from the wall pushing the redhead and drawing the attention of some of the other partygoers but they quickly disbanded

"Come on Wands just admit it, you like Y/n-

"Shut up!" Wanda walked away Nat storming through the drunken crowd coming to a small table and couch where she could collect her thoughts, was she really falling for you? What the hell was happening? She told herself, told herself she wouldn't get feelings and yet here she was acting like a stupid in love 16 year old

Sitting down she groaned holding her head in her hands, maybe she should call you, no! That's crazy, she called you for sex and sex only not advice.

"Fucking pathetic Wanda" she whispered to herself falling into the cushions behind her closing her eyes and sighing.

Trying to enjoy the few minutes she had alone Wanda closed her eyes but a small sniffle stopped her, turning to her left she saw a girl with her head in her hands trying to stop herself from crying

"Hey..Hey you okay?" She put her hand on her shoulder and when she looked up Wanda gasped "Y/n?! What happened?!"

Wanda pulled you into her lap squeezing you tight listening to you cry and hating every minute of your sadness, especially with how she currently felt about you "what happened Y/n?"

Your cries were finally quiet enough for Wanda to ask you the question and you lifted your head up to meeting her soft eyes that made you smile "Car-Carol's a bitch"

Carol of course it was Carol! Wanda couldn't stand her, every time she wanted something she'd go to you and you would hep her each and every time, if Wanda wasn't around one time you would've given Carol the $8,000 she asked for that one time.

"What did she do moya lyubov'?" Wanda tried containing her simmering rage and urge to go and slap Carol with a hot iron

"Does it matter? She's just a bitch, doesn't need a reason" the tears stopped falling and you sat up out of her grasp "I'm gonna go home coming here was a mistake" you went to get up but Wanda stopped you keeping you in her lap and nuzzling her face into your neck

"You'll stay right here with me and we'll show that bitch that you deserve only the best in life-

"She wanted me to go on another date with her and I said no and she said thats okay because she didn't want your sloppy seconds and everyone laughed and I didn't know what to do and it just hurt because I know it's kinda true-

Wanda kissed you hard shutting you up and rubbing her hand up and down your back soothing you, finally pulling away from you Wanda smiled wide "let me have a chat with the queen bitch herself, I'll be right back" she kissed you again quickly and left you on the couch while she stormed off into the next room

"Hey Carol! Wanda interrupted her laughing with her friends making her turn around smirking at her "oh here she comes, Westview's biggest whore-

A crack echoed through the room and then went silent as Carol held her nose blood gushing out from it, and Wanda smirked in satisfaction "what were you saying Carol? Were you trying to call me a whore? Better being a whore than a self centred bitch with anger issues and a seniority complex-"

"Wanda chill out!" Tony tried but Wanda stopped him "get fucked Tony you're just as bad! If any and I mean any of you insult, mock or even look at Y/n the wrong way I'll come back and do worse to the lot of you what I did to Carol, stay the fuck away!"

The redhead stormed out of the room ignoring the glares and whispers coming back to you and grabbing your hand to pull you out of the party and to her car "Wanda your hand, your hand's bleeding"

"Doesn't matter come on" she opened the car door getting you in and settled wincing every time she grazed her knuckles against something

"What did you do?" You tried again when Wanda got into the driver's seat driving off to your house "I took care of Carol" was all she said keeping her eyes on the road trying to hide the sting that came to her hand everyone and then

"Did you punch her?" You were impressed actually, you didn't know Wanda had it in her, it was Pietro who was the angrier twin but you guessed she had it in her

"Yeah, yeah I did" she smiled "she deserved it and I'd do it again"

"Thank you" You whispered and Wanda smiled reaching over to grab your hand squeezing your hand "you're welcome my love"

When Wanda pulled up to your house she got out and opened the door for you "now, we're going to go inside, get some snacks and watch some crappy TV shows"

"Actually can we talk?" You held Wanda's hand keeping you both in place next to the car "I need to ask you something"

Wanda sighed getting nervous but nodded letting you ask your question

"Wanda what are we?" Such a simple question, just four words and yet Wanda was struggling to find words to respond with "I-Y/n I just-

"Never mind, I'm going inside, thank's for the ride home" you let go of her hand going to the front door

"Y/n wait!" Wanda ran up to you bringing you into a hug "I love you" she whispered over and over again "I love you, I love you so much" the tears fell from Wanda's eyes hugging you close to her body refusing to let you go

"I'm sorry for messing you around I'm sorry for not saying how I feel because I'm awful with feelings and emotional shit-

You held your head up smiling at Wanda shutting her up "I love you too Wanda, thanks for being honest with me"

Wanda let out a sigh she didn't know she was holding and started laughing "you're the best, come on I could really use a drink now"

The redhead opened the door letting you in first and quickly shutting the door bringing you back into a hug wrapping her arms around your front kissing you neck "forget the drink how about we just go upstairs?"

You chuckled leaning your head back into her "actually I'm kinda hungry"

Wanda sighed closing her eyes knowing full well she wouldn't be able to get you to do anything without being fed

"What do you want to eat? I'll get you absolutely anything you want moya lyubov', maybe some oysters and chocolate covered strawberries to get you in the mood?"

You turned around in her hold kissing a slightly frustrated Wanda "let's order Chinese and while we wait we can do whatever you want"

Wanda perked up "hmm sounds good, how about you wear that lingerie set we bought a few weeks ago?"

You lowered your head "you mean the one I got for my valentines date with Carol?"

Wanda lifted your chin up kissing your nose making you giggle "she doesn't fucking deserve you Y/n you're mine now and I will never ever take you for granted now, go upstairs and put the lingerie on, I'll be up in a minute after ordering our food"

"I like it when you're bossy"

"I know, now go on before I make you watch me pleasure myself" she threatened you but all you did was shrug "I always enjoy watching you fall apart by your own hand"

It was true, the image of Wanda doing anything sexual either by herself or with you was like watching angels carve a Picasso, absolutely gorgeous

"That wouldn't be much of a punishment would it? No no you'll be forced to just watch me cum over and over again knowing you can't touch me or yourself-

"You wouldn't?!" The interruption surprised Wanda but she carried on "I would princess and you know I would"

You nodded pulling away from the woman going up the stairs without another word

"Good girl!" She shouted after you and searched through her pickets for her phone only to see multiple messages and missed calls from Nat, Tony and Vision

When she opened the phone a phone call came in

'Nat calling'

She answered speaking into the phone "what do you want-

"Did you punch Carol in the face?! Wanda you can't do that! All for Y/n? I know she's hot and good in bed but seriously? She's not worth it!"

"Nat calm down! Yeah I punched the head bitch and she deserved it no one upsets my girlfriend and gets away with it"

Wanda heard Nat gasp and she realised what she said "girlfriend?! Come on Wanda don't be ridiculous, you can't handle being in a relationship-

Wanda angrily hung up the phone and stormed upstairs, she'll show Natasha, she'll show all of them

Opening the door to the bedroom Wanda softened seeing you ready and waiting in the lingerie you had gotten and her mouth watered "fuck me Y/n this is better than seeing you naked and seeing you naked is the hottest thing in the world"

You blushed but remembered how she looked when she came into the room "were you angry when you came in?"

"Yeah, yeah Nat called me...it doesn't matter, go and get the strap" Wanda took her white shirt off and undid her bra waiting for you to do as she asked "cat got your tongue princess?"

"No, but I don't remember you ever wearing the strap, how about you get it for me malyshka?"

Wanda groaned hearing you speak a little Russian "you know what that does to me baby"

"I do, so how about you be a good girl and get the strap-

Wanda interrupted you "hold on, you're in skimpy lingerie knelt on the bed and I'm stood above you, pretty sure I'm in charge here"

She was right, you looked like the submissive in this situation it made you laugh actually "you're in charge some of the time sure but you like being my little pet"

Wanda groaned "yeah I do, can I do one thing though?"

"Like what?" You asked

"Can I take a picture of you?" The question was so innocent and you couldn't help but giggle "a picture? Do you want to frame it too?

Instead of responding Wanda crawled on top of you kissing your neck and biting the spot "I'm sending a picture to Carol, she needs to see what she's missing out on and will never get"

You thought about it and smirked "I have a better idea, get the strap and we'll take a really good picture"

Wanda was intrigued "oh? What are you thinking?"

"Do you want me to tell you or show you?" Wand was quick to get what you asked and made her way back to you laying on the bed kissing you softly "I'll take the picture when it's perfect"

"Why you?"

You pulled the redhead into your lap making her squeal "because you'll be too busy"

Wanda blushed hard "shit okay then, yeah okay-

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"I can't believe that bitch broke my nose!" Carol was mad like really mad, Wanda wasn't as physically strong as Carol and she was shorter so how the fuck did she manage to break her nose?

"All for a girl who can't order her own food in a restaurant because of her stupid anxiety"

Tony chuckled taking a break form wiping Carol's nose taking away the blood "didn't you want her a bit ago and when she turned you down you called her a whore?"

"Because I heard she's great in bed not because I want to date her" the group dispersed into laughs, Carol laughed as best she could with a broken nose until her phone beeped with a text message and picture attached

'Look at what you're missing out on Carol'

A simple but effective message that made Carol throw her phone onto the couch

"God she's such a bitch!"

Tony grabbed the phone opening it and seeing the picture "woah! She's really sticking it to you Caz”

Nat and Vision peeked over Tony’s shoulder at the picture and Nat whistled “damn I thought Wanda was the top”

“But Wanda’s on top? Doesn’t that mean she is the top?” Oh vision, he was so naive

“Bless you Vis but no, Y/n has the strap on her waist and it’s inside Wanda, Y/n has all the power, she can set the pace fast or slow, thrust hard or soft, that has all the hall markings of a top”

The group stared at Nat dumbfounded “that was so in-depth I’m scared” Tony gave the phone back to Carol who quickly deleted the picture

“Let’s just drink"

*******************************************************

"Are you okay baby?" You teased Wanda laughing when she refused to remove her head from your neck "no" she whispered

"Do you need some water?"

She gave a weak nod but when you tried to move she groaned "move again and I'll slap you"

"If you want water then you need to let me move" moving once again to sit up on the bed she kept to her promise and gave a very weak slap to your cheek "come on Wanda that was pathetic-

"After like 5 orgasms and me doing all the work that's the best you get" all the work? Okay she deserved to be like this

"Now now Wanda no need to be grumpy, come on let's get you some water" Wanda sighed but got up whimpering at the loss of you and standing on shaky legs

"I'm hungry" she said and you laughed "so you're hungry and thirsty? Do you need a bath too? I'll get some candy for you to should I?"

You undid the harness and strap and threw it in a drawer standing behind Wanda kissing her shoulder and wrapping your arms around her "go and shower and I'll order us some food then we can cuddle and watch a film"

"Okay" Wanda turned her head and kissed you back smiling so wide you giggled "you are so not a top-

"you ruined it" she pushed you away going into the bathroom and turning the shower on "so you don't want me to join you?!"

"No I want you to order the food and the cheesecake I've decided I want!"

Moving closer to the bathroom and opening the door you went to join Wanda in the shower but was immediately stopped "literally what did I just say?"

Shrugging you joined her anyway "I don't know, I think I need a reminder, an in-depth reminder"

Kissing her neck Wanda sighed knowing you weren't going to give up "you're insatiable"

*Knock Knock*

"Who the hell is knocking at the door at this time?!" Reluctantly pulling away from Wanda you put on a robe and marched downstairs opening the door

"Oh hi everyone? Did you enjoy the picture?" You smirked and Nat spoke up first "personally I loved it, Vis and Tony thought Wanda was a top but I corrected them because you were wearing the strap therefore had all the control"

"I'm weirded out and impressed all at the same time, well done" you all laughed, well apart from Carol "you did that on purpose"

You raised your eyebrow in a question "and you came all the way over here just to tell me that?"

"Well y-yeah! Why did you do that?!" Carol stuttered and you tried holding in a laugh "you're pathetic Carol and I can't believe I ever wanted to date you"

You slammed the door on her and the others faces making a mental note to apologise to Nat later, turning around you let out a sigh seeing Wanda at the top of the stairs wearing your long shirt twirling a piece of her wet hair in-between her fingers "everything okay?"

You smiled "nothing, come on let's put on a film" she skipped down the stairs into your arms and kissing you "gorgeous girl aren't you?"

Wanda blushed "hm yeahhh"

"Cant believe you're all mine"

"Believe it moya lyubov' now come on stop stalling and let's get some food, I'll be waiting on the couch" she left with a kiss to your cheek

"Yes princess Wanda"

[hinaaspanda]

in case of emergency: break me | l.hs

pairing: fwb! lee heeseung x fem! reader

warnings: 18+ content, swearing

genre: angst with a happy ending, crack, smut: oral (f receiving), protected sex, doggy style, dirty talk

wc: 8,828

The moment you and your neighbour, Lee Heeseung, agreed on a no-strings-attached relationship, you knew that there was only one rule you had to follow: don't fall in love. The consequences of breaking that one simple rule? Pure and utter chaos.

a/n; hi again! here is my third installment of my enhypen fic lineup. youd think that since theyre my ults id write abt them more hdsfkkfgdukgf but oh well. also, you've probably noticed a differently layout from before. i'm actually planning on switching it up for future fics so definitely lmk what you guys think! anyways, enjoy! <3

...

You were falling in love.

That was your first of many mistakes. 

Heeseung was on top of you, his lips grazing the small of your neck in swift, flirtatious pecks. You glanced down, the evening light peeking through the apartment window cascaded off of his bare figure, highlighting his muscular frame. His broad shoulders shielded you from the outside world as he pinned you against the bed, a firm hand gripping the bed sheets. The other hand hung your thigh against his hips, linking your legs around his waist. His hips teasingly thrusted between your legs, lips linking with yours. 

“You look beautiful, princess.” Heeseung’s breath grazed your skin, in which its surface burned into flames at his touch. The bambi-eyed figure glistened in the evening starlight. His smile could light up a darkened world if it wanted to, and it certainly never failed to give the pit of your stomach butterflies. Usually, you would just blame these feelings on Heeseung’s smooth words, his flirtatious stare. But tonight? You weren’t so sure. 

His lips link up with yours, sealing up each dirty groan that echoes from your throat. You notice your fingers grasping his arms a little harder this time, as if you were afraid to let go, afraid to leave his grasp. You melted into his lips; an ability only Lee Heeseung had.

How could you let this happen?

You remember it as if it was yesterday. Coming home mere minutes before the sun was set to rise, your busted heels in hand. You trot out of the elevator barefoot. Tears stream down your pitiful face as you meet the eyes of your neighbor and close acquaintance, Lee Heeseung, throwing out the trash. You weren’t too close to him, but you were desperate for any type of solace, so you accepted his invitation for drinks at his place. 

Automatically, he leads you into his apartment. Your lips hurl themselves into an hour-long rant about your ex, who had just broken up with you that night, as Heeseung pours you a drink. Hours passed, the sun was peeking behind the buildings, and you were in Heeseung’s arms, head hitting against his door as you entrap your lips in sloppy kisses. Together, you let your sensations take over you, and in between pecks and hickeys, you agree to be friends with benefits. 

You only had one rule to follow; don’t fall in love. You both agreed that it would just complicate things. For 2 months, everything went according to plan. The two of you relished in each other’s bodies, while managing the distance of staying friends. So, why did it get the best of you now?

Currently, Heeseung’s lips trailed further down, peppering kisses on your lower stomach. Your heart fluttered as he glanced up, his eyes holding yours in a firm grip as he toyed with the fabric of your panties. His fingers traced your clothed lips, toying with your mind. Your breath hitched. A part of you wanted nothing more than to give in and reach down, grabbing his hand by the wrist and leading your body into bliss.

This couldn’t go on.

 Gently, Heeseung hooks the fabric in one swoop, pushing the barrier away. You jerked, your body just as confused as your heart. Your legs close, catching his attention, his bambi-like eyes.

 “Heeseung?”

“Hm?”

“I don’t think we should do this tonight.”

Heeseung propped himself up, chivalrously lending you a hand as well. You watched as his lips parted, as if he was about to say something before he shut himself up. He backed away, giving you as much distance as you needed without sending his figure to the floor. It wasn’t enough, though. Your heart was still racing in his presence. You had to leave. 

Without looking at his direction, you hopped off the bed, tossing your clothes on frantically before shuffling your way out of his apartment. Guilt tormented your heart. In truth, you wanted nothing more than to spend your night endlessly relishing his touch. Nevertheless, that was the problem. You wanted him.

Despite going to bed early, you couldn’t sleep a wink that night.   

…

Lee Heeseung wasn’t a dumbass.

He knew better than to keep you in his apartment that night. Something did seem odd about you, you seemed uncomfortable, extra soft to the touch. While he couldn’t figure out why, he wasn’t gonna be some jerk who forced you to stay the night. So when you got dressed and headed for the door, Heeseung knew better than to stop you. 

Lee Heeseung wasn’t a dumbass. However, in this particular instance, he was quite confused. 

The morning sun peeked through the blinds of his apartment window. Heeseung paced around the wooden floor, dust soaring at each quaky step of his bare-foot. His back was still bare, loose-fitting joggers hanging around his hips as he scratched the crown of his head for the um-teenth time in that hour. He sighed, his tongue subtly swiping at his bottom lip, brows furrowed. 

Why did you leave?

Was it because of him? Did he hurt you in any way? His teeth picked at his lips as he wandered over to the kitchen. He poured the lukewarm coffee into a large mug and sipped like his life depended on it. As if he’d find all the answers to his problems engraved in the glass. Just to be safe, Heeseung quickly peeked before putting down the glass. What the hell was he doing?

He shouldn’t have to fuss over you so much. It wasn’t like there was anything real between you two, anyways. Your relationship was strictly business, no strings attached. A foolproof plan to take the weight off of each other’s shoulders for a couple of nights a week (okay, maybe more than just a couple). He didn’t need to worry about you. 

Except, he did. And right now, he didn’t really catch the memo on ‘foolproof’. Right now, he was as foolish as they come.

Heeseung felt his stomach stirring. Queasing above his joggers. He wondered whether you secretly spiked his coffee before you escaped his arms last night. Heeseung dashed to his closet to throw on the first shirt he could find, before heading out the door. 

…

The elevator was supposed to be peaceful. If you were lucky enough, you were able to keep the compact, metallic box to yourself, giving yourself a pleasant start to your morning. It was supposed to be undisturbed. 

Instead, you were standing before a very distressed figure. Complete with his gray joggers, a shirt clearly thrown on haphazardly, and untiedーmismatched, too? ーsneakers. The figure stood before the elevator door, palms planted on their knees as they pant in exhaustion. Your brows furrowed, wondering why the elevator doors wouldn’t close faster.

Was Lee Heeseung that desperate to see you?

Heesung steps into the elevator with you, his shoulder rubbing against your tense ones. With his figure snug—a little too snug—at your side, the two of you stand in silence as the elevator makes its slow descent to the apartment’s lobby. Your breath was caught in your throat, panic spinning around you like a life-threatening amusement park ride. You thought you made yourself clear with your cruel escape from his arms, what more did Heeseung need to get the message?

“Uh, hey!” Heeseung stuttered. You winced from cringe coursing through your body. He coughed a lump out of his throat, making you wince again. “Did you sleep alright last night?” 

You purse your lips, trying your hardest not to laugh. Not at him, but rather his audacity to ask you that silly question. You most definitely had a good night’s sleep, especially after that god forbidden revelation you had just moments before.

“Uh, yeah,” You mutter under your breath. 

The silence was unbearable; crawling underneath your skin like some unwanted pest. You tapped your foot against the tile floor; anything to pass the time. The absolute dreadful time you were having. Your skin grew ice cold. Why couldn’t this damn elevator move any faster? 

“So, I-”

As if God was able to hear your very repetitive prayers, the doors of the elevator pinged open. It was a miracle. In a hurried step, you make your way out of the metal box. Without looking back, you huff, interrupting the poor boy left behind. 

“I don’t think we should meet up anymore.” Your voice was stern. Cold. Like a wall crafted from ice and brick. Unattainable. 

The elevator doors close a second after, leaving the poor, bambi-eyed boy to be devoured in its wake. Your body flooded with guilt, ripping your heart out of your chest mere minutes before smashing it into pieces. You hated seeing him so alone, so confused. A part of you wanted nothing more than to run back to him, reclaim your place snuggled back in his arms. The last thing you wanted was to rip yourself away from his warmth. But alas, that wasn’t possible. This was the only suitable punishment for breaking the one rule you set for yourself; not to fall in love. 

…

“Just put those in the kitchen,” Sunghoon’s voice sounded strained as it rang in your ears. If you had to guess, it’s probably from the countless boxes he’s spent the afternoon carrying back and forth. All in an effort to move into his new apartment. You trailed behind him, carrying an array of boxes yourself. You followed your friend’s words, placing the cardboard boxes on the floor of his new kitchen. Sunghoon followed suit, placing his boxes on the floor beside you before cracking his back in relief. “Thanks again for helping out, by the way,”

“No problem!” You lined up the boxes in a more organized fashion. You honestly didn’t mind helping your best friend move into his new apartment. After all, you knew he would have done the same; it was natural for you to help Sunghoon out for things like this.

  And besides, you were free for the afternoon, and you desperately needed a distraction from that bambi-eyed boy that lived beside you. 

The two of you began busying yourselves, unpacking Sunghoon’s belongings and placing around the once barren apartment. You felt calm; putting away Sunghoon’s utensils without any unease. Placing the last of the silverware into the drawer, you pressed the compartment shut. Your teamwork was seamless, your stress seemed to fade away through the exhaust pipes of the building. 

You felt too calm. Like the calm air moments before a terrible, devastating storm. 

“Oh right,” Sunghoon chirped as he placed the last of the plates into the cabinet. “Jake’s coming over to help, too.”

You shrugged, the thought never grazing your mind. Well, it did, until Jake actually arrived. 

With Lee Heeseung at his side.

Fuck. 

… 

You never thought you’d be spending your Saturday afternoon curled up in Sunghoon’s new bathtub, hiding from the one and only Lee Heeseung. Your breaths shortened, body frozen as sweat pooled at your temples. A gulp shoots down your throat anxiously. You couldn’t bear to move even a muscle under this heaving pressure. What the hell were you supposed to do? Just face the guy you stupidly fell for? 

You’d rather die a slow, painful death than ever admit this out loud, but you did miss what you had with the bambi-eyed boy. The relationship you had before the cold, ruthless rejection you dropped upon him like a life-size boulder. Before the reckless agreement of friends with benefits. Back when you were strictly, innocently neighbours. 

Without all of those messy labels, maybe you could’ve had something more. 

You smack each cheek with your palms. No, you couldn’t think this way. You couldn’t think of Heeseung any more than you already have. He had already stolen your heart, hiding it steep beneath his grasp. What you needed to do was steal it back, with all the force and cruel words you could use.  

You had to fall out of love. No matter what. 

Without warning, the creak of the door hinge echoes through the confined bathroom. You throw your body back, the shock bouncing through your veins. A series of shuffling follows, and your breath hitches in your throat. Your hands fly to your mouth, concealing any peep that could escape as the shuffling grows lounder, and a voice trails closely behind. A familiar voice. 

“—Just leave it here, right?” Lee Heeseung shouted through the door of the washroom. A voice—presumably Sunghoon’s—murmurs an affirmative response before Heeseung does as he’s told and you scoff under your breath. If he was so obedient, why was he so stubborn with your heart? Your pupils shook in fear, your breaths growing heavy with each turn. With your hands still attached to your lips, you gulp.

“What was that?” Heeseung’s loitering figure murmured to himself. Your eyes dried out from staying open for so long, fear absolutely penetrating your body. His shuffling steps grew closer. And closer. His shadow painted onto the plastic shower curtain growing bigger with each of his curious steps, enveloping your sad, pitiful frame. “Is someone there?”

You’re fucked. 

A soft chuckle echoes from the other side of the shower curtain, throwing you off. “Guess I’m hearing things,” Heeseung finally says before walking away, swiftly shutting the bathroom door. You emerge from the shadows, pushing the shower curtain to the side as you huff the biggest sigh of your life. 

You’re such a coward. 

…

Heeseung couldn’t help but stay quiet amidst Jake’s rambling as the two of them drove away from their friend’s new apartment. It was natural, given the heavy sense of disappointment weighing atop his shoulders. Heeseung stared out the window, his eyes trailing each streetlight that flew past his view from the passenger seat. The driver, Jake Sim, took quick notice of his silence, his smile fading as he turned to Heeseung’s attention. “What’s wrong?”

Heeseung only murmured a response, earning a sigh from the now know-it-all driver. “I told you, she wasn’t gonna show.”

The bambi boy pursed his lips, sinking further into the leather of the car seat. Jake’s words already had a sense of familiarity to them; he already knew you wouldn’t show up at Sunghoon’s. You made that abundantly clear the moment you shunned him off entirely back at the elevator this morning. The moment you escaped his arms the night before, leaving him barren and empty. It was written in the stars, and yet, Heeseung refused to use his telescope. 

Jake heaved another sigh, his brows furrowing as he kept his eyes on the road. “You gotta give it up, man. Don’t waste your time on her. Hell, you two aren’t even dating!”

Jake was anything but wrong. You and him never went past the label of ‘friends with benefits.’ So, why was he stuck here mourning you like you were something more? “I guess, but–”

“Tell you what, Minji from my calc. class is single right now. What if I set you two up?”

Heeseung couldn’t seem to take his eyes off the trees that swayed outside his car window. He mindlessly fiddled with his fingers—mindlessly, due to the fact that his mind was now occupied with the thought of you. Who was he kidding? You’ve infected his mind for a while now, ever since he lost the sense of your touch that night. He thought back to the image of your back, walking further and further away from him. He thought back to the quick turn of your head, seconds before the elevator door closed. He thought back to your words. Words that stabbed his chest like a diamond encrusted dagger. 

We shouldn’t see each other anymore. 

Heeseung’s eyes finally met his driver’s, who was taking curious glances at his good friend. He picked at his lips. 

“Alright”

…

Did God hate you?

You had to ask because ever since you rejected the bambi-eyed Lee Heeseung, you’ve been living in absolute turmoil. And today was no different. 

“You stopped seeing him?” Sunghoon quizzed through his mouthful of food. You simply cocked an eyebrow, baffled at how slow your supposed best friend was to the news. He drilled into another bite of his burger, whilst you slowly popped another fry into your mouth. “How come?”

A shrug danced off of your shoulders, fingers popping another fry into your mouth like clockwork. You figured that the answer was fairly obvious, considering your heart has been reeling the effects for weeks now. The answer had turned your life into a minefield; one small reminder of him, and you were sent into an idiotic frenzy. Another fry swam into your mouth, eyes diverting from your friend as shame overtook you. On second thought, maybe Sunghoon was right not to notice; maybe you were going insane over nothing. 

“Things just sorta fizzled,” You absolute liar. 

“Well, there’s other guys out there, you’ll be fine!” Sunghoon leaned back with a smile. 

Potato mush slid down your throat, your tongue growing sour at Sunghoon’s sentiments. It felt foregin; being with anyone else but Lee Heeseung. Another fry leaps into your mouth, slowly nodding to Sunghoon’s words. God, you’re such a liar. 

Sunghoons eyes, in the snap of a second, spill from their sockets, jerking forward as he nearly spits out his drink. He gulps, his eyes never leaving the perplexing view behind you. “Speak of the devil.”

Maybe you shouldn’t have looked back. Maybe you shouldn’t have let your curiosity get the better of you. At least then, you wouldn’t have to watch Lee Heeseung sit down at the same diner, with another girl on his arm. Minji from your calculus class, to be exact.

You choked. You grew dizzy, sick to the stomach. The more you heard Heeseung’s affectionate chuckle, his date’s giggles to his dumb dad jokes; the more you felt an uncomfortable swirl grow at the pit of your stomach. And the more your mind began to wander, stubbornly. Wander back to the times you spent with him, the times he spewed out dumb jokes for you to laugh at. You thought you were going to faint. You needed to get out of here. 

“So-”

“Do you wanna check out that new ice cream place downtown?”

You spat your words out in one single, panicked breath, not bearing to take your next one until Park Sunghoon answers your question. Your friend cocks an eyebrow up, his eyes darting back to his food tray—complete with an unfinished meal. 

“I mean sure, but we haven’t finished our food?”

“I don’t want it anymore.”

“But you want ice cream?”

You nod as if you didn’t seem completely insane. “Yeah! Now let’s go!”

Without waiting for him, you shoot up from your seat, strategically hiding each leftover fry so it only looks like mere crumbs on your food tray. With confusion lining his face, Sunghoon shoves the rest of his burger into his mouth, grossly managing to spew a response to your apparent eagerness. “Alright, alright, I’m coming, jeez!”

You practically bolted out the door. After all, the last thing you needed was to catch a glimpse of Lee Heeseung at that god forsaken diner. 

…

His bambi eyes pierced through you.

You stood frozen before your wide open doorframe, practically welcoming him with open arms with its vacant stance—something you didn’t quite agree with, yourself. Nonetheless, he lets himself in, pushing past you swiftly. Like a fairy dancing in the wind, he aligns your body with his, and gently rests you against the wall, one hand hugging your waist, while the other cups your cheek. Your heart was racing, leaping out of your heaving, quaking chest. The head above you spun endlessly. You needed to get out, or kick him out at the very least. And yet, here you were, stuck in his heated trance. 

His eyes bore a sense of hunger, starvation as he stared into yours. They weren’t much of an innocent deer anymore, but rather had the glint of an angry lion. His jaw tensed, as if he was holding back, restraining himself as he lifted your hand, gently kissing your knuckles. Your stomach flipped inside out, heart fluttering away. Your skin burnt to the touch, breath shaking beneath his. He dipped down, burying his face into the crook of your neck before hushing a whisper into your ear. 

“I want you.”

You gulp, head spinning. In practically a whimper, you fight back. Well, a poor excuse for a fight anyway. “Heeseung, I-”

He only gritted back, his sharp stare slicing your skin. “I know you want me, too.”

Another gulp shoots down your throat as a certain heat pooled below you. You press your legs together, eyes dipping down to your feet. You wanted him. You wanted Lee Heeseung so bad. 

Heeseung’s lips crash onto yours, a groan lifting from him. Your eyes widen at the strength of his movements. It was as if he finally broke free from a prison, a prison without you. With all sense of morale thrown out the window, you swing your arms around him, hugging his neck, pulling your chest against his. His skin fell into flames at your touch, like each millimeter of flesh was a landmine. Your tongues danced from within, fighting back and forth as your hands roamed, dragging your finger all around each other's bodies. Swiftly, Heeseung hooked his arms around your thighs, lifting you from your standing position and carrying you to your couch, his lips ever leaving yours. 

The bambi boy sits down, resting your figure atop of him, your legs straddling his lap. Your arms never left his neck as his hands busied himself undoing your top. You thanked yourself for your constant habit of never wearing a bra around the house. With your chest exposed, Heeseung dipped down, trailing his lips further down your exposed body. Wetness polled between your legs, you felt antsy. Moans escaped your lips at each and every one of his movements. You were in heaven.

You never wanted this to end. 

You couldn’t have anything nice, could you?

Your morning alarm boomed like a siren in your ears as you shook out of your slumber. You jolted out of your sheets, the irritating beeping still ringing in your ears. You glance around your bedsheets, revealing nothing but your own belongings. No hints of a visitor last night. Your heart sunk to the floor, your fingers grazing your very flushed cheeks. Your mind was simply toying with you, with your heart. 

It was all a dream. 

…

You couldn’t seem to fall asleep. Your eyes never felt the need to droop, your lips never needed to stifle a yawn. You were as awake as a nocturnal creature amidst a night sky. You couldn't figure out why, but you had a sneaking suspicion that this particular morning, and a certain pair of bambi eyes, had something to do with it. 

Here he was again, claiming his spot right in the middle of your mind. 

You once again grew desperate for another distraction, a way to rid you of your very stubborn thoughts on the man who so cruelly stole your heart away. It didn’t matter how stubborn his presence seemed to be, you were not going down without a fight. And thus, you dove straight into your studies the moment you got home, and you haven’t swam back up to the surface since. No matter how much each formula gave you a headache, it was better than having Lee Heeseung occupy your brain. 

You huff, mentally addressing the elephant in the room. The elephant which seemed to flee from you the moment you woke up earlier this morning. 

Your dream. 

By now, it had been a few weeks since your departure from the rocky roads of Lee Heeseung’s presence. Almost a month without his smile, without his bambi-eyes. You thought you grew accustomed to this Heeseung-less lifestyle. You’ve gone out more with friends, dove deep into your studies, actually tried working on other aspects of your life, aspects that didn’t need the presence of a man, especially one you weren’t destined to be with. 

Though, there's one keyword in that first sentence; thought. In theory, you finally moved past the paradox of Lee Heeseung. In practice? Your heart was clearly too stubborn to follow through. That was made maddeningly clear ever since you had that dream last night. Your heart was practically screaming through your eardrums; You were in love with Lee Heeseung.

Nevertheless, none of that mattered. You could never give into your silly feelings. Afterall, if that visit to the diner a few weeks back taught you anything, it was that you were as miniscule in Heeseung’s eyes as a speck of dust. Whatever dumb feelings you had for your neighbor was clearly never reciprocated. 

The sound of faint shuffling puffs through your ears, surpassing the music which was supposed to keep you calm. A jingle of keys and a few hushed voices later, it finally clicked. Your neighbor was home. Home with a girl, anyway. 

That same sick feeling drilled through your torso again, your vision turning into a blur. Your notes turned into scribbles, your music turned into noise. Nothing made any sense anymore. The only thing you could really pinpoint was the burning sensation just above your chest. The tenseness of your skin, the clench of your jaw. It irked you to imagine Heeseung with someone else, not with the layers of history the two of you had, the moments you shared. 

You slap your cheeks, resetting your brain. It’s settled, you need to move. You need to get away from Lee Heeseung for good. 

…

A loud thwack sounded as Minji’s palm harshly grazed Heeseung’s face. “You’re such an asshole!”

In his defense, Heeseung never knew she’d react like that. Heeseung’s head hung low. “Sorry, Min”

“Don’t give me that! You led me on for a whole month! What the fuck!?”

The bambi boy picked at his lips. He did feel sorry. He never wanted to lie to Minji, she never deserved it. However, Lee Heeseung wanted to lie to himself; maybe then he’d let go of the thought of you. But alas, it didn’t plan didn’t work, and here he is now, reaping the consequences of his own actions. Minji stormed out of the apartment, leaving him indifferent at best. Maybe his heart trailed with a smidge of guilt, but he honestly couldn’t really care. He physically couldn’t bring himself to, not with your figure just a wall away from him, ignoring his entire being. 

“Tell me, is there someone else? Is that why?”

Heeseung’s eyes lingered at a blank wall—the wall that connected his and your rooms. “You don’t deserve someone like me. I really am sorry, Min.”

“Whatever. At least you thought to tell me before anything even happnend. I’m out of here, you prick!”

Lee Heeseung wholeheartedly believed that if he followed Jake’s advice and played around with someone else, that he’d soon forget about you all together; the fuck buddy who managed to linger around in his heart for longer than he expected. Of course it didn’t work, not with your door right next to his, tempting him every second of the day. It took everything in his being to suppress the urge to visit you. He was crawling in his own skin, impatience riling up in his body. He didn’t know exactly what he wanted, but he did know that you were part of the solution. 

Heeseung ruffled a towel through his wet hair; not even a shower could get his mind off of you. 

What the hell was going on?

…

“You can’t hide from him forever, y/n” Sunghoon crossed his arms, scowling at your pitiful figure—stuffing your face with his leftovers, wrapped up in his blankets; a housewarming gift from his sister. “What even happened? I thought things just fizzled?”

You winced at your fat-faced lie from that day at the diner. To say it was cringe-inducing would be an understatement. It was just a poor attempt at convincing the world—especially yourself—that you weren’t entirely going insane. Putting your fork down, you heave a deep sigh. “Not exactly.”

And so, you told Sunghoon everything. How you let yourself go, allowed yourself to break the one rule a ‘friends with benefits’ agreement had. How you let your heart venture too close to the wits of Lee Heeseung, and he stole it effortlessly, like a thief in the night. You hung your head low, eyes burning through the fuzzy socks you borrowed (stole) from Sunghoon’s closet. Disappointment ghosted over your shoulders, and you wholeheartedly expected Sunghoon to follow suit. However, your supposed best friend only falls into a bellow of laughter, throwing your attention off. 

“What?”

“God, y/n, you act like catching feelings is a crime!” Sunghoon plops beside you, who is still frozen from his words. “Look, liking Heeseung isn’t a bad thing. You can’t really control your feelings, and when you do…you end up hiding in your best friend's apartment and stealing their food.” He gives you a quick up-and-down scan, cocking an eyebrow. 

“I was scared! We didn’t agree to this back then, and I was scared that developing real feelings for him would just scare him off or something. Besides, it’s too late anyways. He’s already seeing someone else.”

“How do you know for sure?”

You took another angry bite. “I heard them walk into his apartment.”

Sunghoon rolled his eyes. “Girl, that could mean anything.”

“Two people giggling while walking into an apartment at 2 in the morning? I doubt it means anything else!” You bury yourself in Sunghoon’s multitude of throw blankets. “Quit trying to save it, my chances are already ruined.”

“Look, I still think you should talk to him. Tell him how you really feel, no matter how messy it turns out.”

You grew quiet at his words; as if they pulled your vocal chords from your grasp. You gulp as Sunghoon shoots up from his place on the couch. He snatches the bowl from your hands, not even sparing you a chance to finish your—well, his— meal. “You can stay here for tonight, nerd.” 

…

“So you and Minji didn’t work out, huh?” Jake suddenly dropped, the bomb exploding all over Heeseung’s face. Simultaneously, the booming cries of a ‘game over’ blast through his headphones; the sudden change in topic to his love life was the last thing Heeseung expected to hear during his Friday night gaming session. The bambi boy recollects himself, clearing his throat. Or maybe it was just to stall this conversation all together, he couldn’t really tell. “How’d you know?”

“Heard it from Jay,” Jake uttered nocholantly through the voice chat. Heeseung booted up his game again, opting to distract himself with a fresh round of kills for the night. The topic of a future girlfriend wasn’t really on his radar right now. Well, he didn’t want it to be, anyway. Not with you still staking a claim on his brain. 

Guess Jake couldn’t get the hint. 

“I guess that’s too bad,”  Jake continued to ramble. Heeseung grew queasy, opting to focus on the sounds of the shoots blasting from his character’s gun. 

“I think you’ll be fine, though. There’s plenty of fish in the sea, anyway.” One shot. Two shots. 

“Now, I don’t really know anyone personally, but I could ask around.” Three shots. 

“What do you think of blind dates?” Game Over.

“No!” Heeseung’s voice finally peaked through the mic, shocking Jake to his core. Honestly, it startled Heeseng a little, himself. He didn’t have a clue where this sudden surge of energy came from, nor this unsettling feeling. All he knew is that he wanted Jake to stop. “Jake, I don’t want another date, okay?”

The silence on the other end pressured Heeseung to believe that Jake just disappeared right then and there. The bambi boy huffed a sigh of relief the moment he saw Jake’s character move around once again. His voice peaking in the mic shortly after. “What, why?”

Heeseung was too ashamed to say. But of course, Jake already knew. 

“Oh.”

Heeseung didn’t bother rebooting the game this time. Instead he just stared blankly at his pitiful death screen, his reflection shining back to him through the screen’s black text. Jake heaved a sigh, as the bambi boy winced; he already knew what he was going to say. “You’re still thinking about her, aren’t you?”

Yes. All Heeseung had been thinking about was you. 

“I like her too much, man.” Heeseung said with little to no thought running through his brain. Though he was not 100% certain, he knew that thinking about you constantly, worrying about your well being, and missing you like a loved one who passed away, were no small feats to scoff at. You caught him in some entrancing spell, and Heeseung couldn’t find a way out. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to. The bambi boy was fully expecting Jake to dive into a complete lecture about wasting time on girls who aren't even worth it, which is exactly why Heeseung was nothing but stunned when his friend responded with one simple phrase. 

“Then tell her.”

Heeseung picked at his lips, a loss for words. “But she clearly doesn’t feel the same way.” If the past month had taught Heeseung anything, it was that fact and that fact alone. 

“It wouldn’t hurt to try. Especially if you're just completely blowing off chances with other girls just because of her. Don’t you think she's worth even just a small bit of the truth?”

You were worth so much more, Heeseung knew that much.

Nonetheless, could Heeseung even provide it for you?

…

Your eyes darted to your front door again, maybe the 100th time you did so since you got home from class.. Your brain? Spinning beyond belief. It was maybe 8pm; hours had already passed since your last class of the day. And yet, despite all of that, the thought of Lee Heeseung still lingered in your mind, stained like wine to a white shirt. You felt dizzy just thinking about it. 

You shouldve been relieved, happy even. In one way or another, your problem was solved. It was official; Lee Heeseung was finally unavailable, and you had no reason to faulter back into the depths of his heart anymore. Isn’t this what you wanted in the first place, ever since you left him to rot in the elevator all those weeks ago?

A scoff pushed from your chest. Of course you weren’t actually happy.

You think back to Sunghoon’s words, the night  you pitifully stayed over at his place for the night. 

“Tell him how you really feel, no matter how messy it gets.”

You dashed to your door faster than your heart leaped from your chest. You could explode right then and there; you couldn’t take it anymore. 

You needed to see him. 

…

Lee Heeseung wasn’t an asshole. He knew that much. But when it came to the treatment of his own heart, it was a whole other story. 

Up until this very moment, the only things currently on Heeseung’s mind was a mental note to buy new house slippers, and how his hand stank from the trash; he only held onto it for a few seconds before throwing it away, which made it even more confusing. However, the moment he glanced up, all those thoughts seemed to blow away in the wind. The wind in question? the overwhelming image of you. Again. 

Your apartment door stood in front of him. Mocking him relentlessly. 

Time stopped, leaving just him and you, who was currently avoiding his sorry ass on the other end of that brindled door. Something rumbled at the pit of his stomach, his chest heaving as he found his legs moving. Complete with a mind of their own. It didn’t make a lick of sense. He was in his pajamas—even if you’ve seen him in less before, Heeseung deemed the fit inappropriate for the task of confessing his feelings; his hair was nowhere near fixed—unstyled and flatter than a sheet of paper. Not to mention he literally smells like garbage. Everything around him was practically screaming at him, telling him to just turn around and head back into his apartment. But he couldn’t hear anything. The thought of you was too busy clouding his senses. 

Each hushed step inched him closer to your doorframe. His heart was breaking through his chest with each stark breath. A tremble lined his fingers, goosebumps grazing his skin as he positioned them right in front of your door. What was he even going to say? Of course he didn’t think to prepare. Were you even going to answer? Did he even deserve your answer?

Fuck it. None of it mattered anymore. Heeseung needed you.

…

Your door became a trampoline with the way you bounced back from its surface. You fumbled with the hem of your shirt, the harsh reality of your situation sinking in. Lee Heeseung didn’t want you anymore, and it was your own damn fault. Your heart felt victim to the infamous bambi boy, and you pushed him away instead of accepting him with open arms. You were never the other chick Minji so lovingly dubbed; you could never be. How could you if all you did was ignore him for a goddamn month?

You slapped your face three times, hoping each slap would send you back to a more sensible reality. A reality where you weren’t so blinded by your feelings. You hop onto your couch, the surface farthest away from the gates of hell (your apartment door). 

You shouldn’t punish yourself for having feelings.

It was as if you were a puppet, being pulled closer to your front door once more. The culprit? Your own devious heart. Your fingers turned into 20 pound dumbbells as you clasped them around the door handle. Each click of the knob, you found yourself quickening the pace of your breath. Your heart jumping from your chest, dancing like a fool. You swing the door open with every muscle drenched in anticipation. You glance up, and you freeze on the spot. 

Heeseung was already there. 

"y/n-" Heeseung pants, breath hitched. He looked just as unorthodox as you did. 

Your heart leaped from your chest once again, only this time it got caught in your throat, ripping the air away from your lungs as you scanned the towering figure before you. Complete in a black shirt and track pants, three white stripes trailing down each side like a race track. It was one of the most basic outfits a guy in their 20’s could have ever come up with, but you still managed to blush at his presence. Your eyes watched as his chest heaved up and down, his adam's apple bobbing in the opposite direction. You watched him instinctively move slightly into your frame, but you didn’t seem to mind. In fact, you had the sudden urge to move closer. Closer to him. 

"Heeseung, I-" You say, barely out of your trance.

“I don't think I can do this anymore.” Heeseung heaved, summoning goosebumps against your skin. You watched as he inched closer to your figure, welcoming himself into your apartment. You had every reason to stop him, but for some reason, you couldn't. Your brows cinched together at his words.

"Do what, exactly?" 

"This!" Heeseung gestured to the air. "Staying away from you, pretending that you mean nothing to me. I hate it, y/n." 

You choked on your heightened breath, his figure shielding the light formerly cascading off of your frame—he took over your vision. He nibbled at his lip, desperate for a response, for anything from you. You, however, had an endless amount of questions. It was as if your brain took a screenshot, your mind was going haywire. 

“What do you mean pretend? What about Minji?”

Heeseung scratches the nape of his neck. “After you rejected me, I thought I had no chance with you. So, I tried to start something with Minji in the hopes that I forgot you, But it didn’t work. If anything, I thought of you even more when we were apart.”

You couldn’t find the courage to reply, as Heeseung’s figure sank at the shoulders. “I know you want nothing to do with me, I just— I needed to get that off my chest. Goodnight, y/n.”

Tell him how you really feel, no matter how messy it is.

The Bambi boy pivots, his broad back facing you. A surge of lightning erupts in you as you chase him down. You pinch the fabric of his shirt, stopping him in his tracks. “Wait!”

Heesung looks back at you, a spotlight shining on your figure. “That’s not true at all! I don’t hate you or want you out of my life! I want none of that!��

Heeseung’s mouth went agape, as you heave a tense sigh. “I only ignored you all those months ago because in reality… I was scared. I didn’t know how to handle my feelings for you so I just hid them away. In the end, I only pushed you away further. I feel… horrible.”

It was as if a weight had been lifted from your shoulders the moment you sputtered your rushed, unplanned confession. You took your time to finally look at him, really look at him. The glisten in those bambi eyes you always loved, the plump of his lips, his elegant nose bridge—all of him. “I like you, Lee Heeseung.”

The two of you basked in silence for a while—an eternity it seemed. All the pain and agony in Heeseung’s bambi-like eyes seemed to float away, a glisten of adoration replacing them the longer he looked at you. Your eyes, however, ripped away, the guilt of your horrible treatment towards him finally being recognized. 

“Oh god, I’m really sorry, Hee-” You watched as Heeseung closed the gaps between your tense figure, His warm hand melting you as he cupped your cheek. “y/n?”

“Hm?”

“I need to kiss you.”

You gulp, a gear switching in your head. “Then kiss me.”

…

Without warning, Heeseung envelopes your figure into his arms, a sudden roughness added to his touch. A glimmer of impatience, desperation. The air between your two lips dissipates as you link them together in a kiss. He tasted like honey, the sweet strawberry icing on a cake; he tasted perfect. You’ve kissed Lee Heeseung multiple times before, but it’s never felt this good. 

Your bodies worked like clockwork, seamless and perfect. You hastily threw your arms around the nape of his neck, as he slithered an arm around your waist. Like an elegant waltz, your figures moved further into the apartment, your back crashing into your apartment wall. Lee Heeseung knew just how to hold you, how to carry you in his arms. It was as if you were meant for one another. 

Lips never parting, Heeseung plants himself on the plush of your couch. He swings you over him, your legs now straddling his lap. Your skin grew hot to the touch, Heeseung’s ice cold palms sending shivers down your spine. And yet, you never wanted his touch to leave. His fingertips trailed up and down your arm, teasing you relentlessly. Lee Heeseung was driving you crazy.

And judging by the heat accumulating between your legs, Heeseung knew what he was doing. 

Mischievously, Heeseung nibbles at your bottom lip before plucking away, sending one last bratty smirk your way before he trails wet kisses along your jaw. Your mind was in a haze, clouded by absolute greed, lust. You felt his lips hover lower and lower against your body as he tugged onto your shirt’s collar to kiss more of your chest. Currently, you were a bomb minutes away from an explosion. The sound of his wet lips crashing against your skin was enough to send your head—and core—spinning. You couldn’t take it anymore. A moan escapes your lips, stopping the bambi boy in his tracks. He pulls away, getting one glimpse of you before leaning right against your ear. 

“Does my princess want me that bad?”

Princess. You haven't heard that name in a lifetime. It felt sweet against his lips. You couldn’t muster up a response, you were too busy stifling another lewd moan. You felt Heeseungs hands trail up from your waist, groping the soft plush of your chest. He massaged each clothed breast, kneading them until he pulled that second moan from your hungry lips. “More, baby. Moan for me. Show me how much you want this.”

His hands felt like heaven against your chest, his thumbs grazing your nipples; the sweet spot. You grew louder with each swipe of his thumb, your figure growing restless and fidgety above him. Wetness pooled between your thighs in an instant. Only Lee Heeseung had this effect on you.  

“What does my baby want?” Heeseung rasps in your ear once more. By the way your body squirmed above his lap, unable to stay still, it was obvious how needy you had become. “Tell me, princess, how do you want me to fuck you tonight?”

The heat between your legs pounded amidst his lewd question, your cheeks flushed beyond belief. After you nibbled on your lip, you dipped down beside the shell of his ear. 

“Eat me out” You whispered in between desperate huffs. 

An affirmative smirk. That’s all it took before he flung your figures into a new position. You sat with your back snug against the couch, and Heeseung mere inches away from your knees, his bambi eyes boring into you. It didn’t matter that he was below you physically; Lee Heeseung was the bloodthirsty beast, and you were his prey for the night. Ripping off your shorts, the bambi boy peppered kisses up your thighs. He watched proudly as you squirmed at each and every kiss, dying to feel his touch right where you needed it most. 

He pried your legs open, meeting his last barrier standing in the way of your pleasure; the soaking fabric of your panties. He couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight. Heeseung looked up, meeting eye to eye with your heated, flustered stare. God, you were adorable. “You’re so needy, princess. Did I turn you on that much?”

You scowled, too drenched in heat to give a proper comeback. “Please, Seungie”

Fuck. Fireworks popped at the pit of his stomach, your little nickname revving an engine he was never aware of. Heeseung dove into your core, pressing lips against the dripping fabric. 

Shockwaves drilled down your spine, your back arching as another moan spilled from your lips. His touch barely ghosted your core, yet it was enough to send your head spinning. You were launched into a world of ecstasy the moment Heeseung’s teasing kisses stopped, and you felt his tongue dip into your folds. His tongue dipped further, gripping and throwing your leg over his shoulders as he explored your insides. With each thrust and push of his tongue, your heart beat faster, your noises grew louder. 

Apparently, though, that wasn’t enough for Lee Heeseung. 

As stealthy as a thief in the night, Heeseung slips a finger at the tip of your core; the sweet spot. Uncontrollable, lewd noises bounced around the living room walls, your head thrown back and digging into the head of the couch. With the pads of his fingers, Heeseung draws small circles against your clit as you gripped onto a lock of his hair. Anything to tether you back to reality. Heeseung pumps another finger into your folds, accompanying his tongue in its dirty expedition. 

You felt a knot expanding at the pit of your stomach, tensing up further with each pleasure filled thrust of Heeseung’s tongue. The bambi boy’s tongue moved faster and faster, the pressure of that knot building up further. Finally, you chased down your climax, your juices flowing everywhere. The couch’s fabric, the surface of your thighs, his chin; everywhere. 

“Fuck, princess.” Heeseung catches his breath, his eyes forming into hearts as he eyes you down once again. “You’re beautiful”

“Heeseung- '' You huff a series of deep breaths, a limp hand reach you grasp his. Climbing onto the couch, he takes your hand innocently enough, but soon enough, his lips make their way beside your ear once again. 

“There’s no way I’m done with you yet, baby. Now, on your knees.”

He seals his dirty remark with a kiss against your jaw before you do as you're told. The fatigue from moments ago shriveled up from your body, with excitement coursing through you instead. You fell onto your hands and knees, with Heeseung’s firm hands grabbing you by the hip. Your bare ass grazed against his clothed crotch, a firm tent hiding beneath the fabric. Mischievously leaning in, you grind your ass against his core, a groan escaping his lips. The grip around your hips grew tighter, his fingers painting a white hue atop of your skin. It was your turn to tease him, after all. 

“Shit- Quit teasing me, baby.” Heeseung hisses as he pulls a condom from his pocket. Did he always carry one with him? Or was it just meant for you? Heeseung leans forward, his chest flush against your back. “You don’t know how bad my cock needs that pussy. Don’t test me.” 

Hastily, Heeseung pulls off his pants, his cock—specifically his size, catching your attention as you watch from over your shoulder. Your eyes widen as he rolls the condom over his girth. Heeseung of course catches you gawking, shining a smirk your way. The bambi boy whispers in your ear once again. “Are you ready, princess?”

You mewl, your desperation shining through your half-assed response. 

Heeseung finally pressed his dick through your walls, his palm groping your ass cheek, lightly spreading apart to dig further into your core. Your pussy overflowed with his size, his cock rubbing against your core in all the right places. The walls of your living echoed with the sounds of your hot skin slapping together, the wet sloshes of your dirty bliss taking over the night. He filled you up perfectly, his girth grazing against every needy bit of your pussy. Your mind went into a complete daze, each movement sending you into heaven. 

His fingers dig deeper into the crevices of your hips, guiding your ass into faster and more blissful thrusts. You were grateful for his grip—your legs were too shaky and unstable to survive on their own. You trembled in ecstasy. 

“You feel so good, y/n” Heeseung rasps once again. He knew just how to rile you up with words alone. “Your pussy holds my cock so well, darling”

His deep voice was enough to call your attention back to another knot forming in your stomach. The pit of your torso grows more tense with each of Heeseung’s powerful thrusts. Instead of sitting up straight, Heeseung stays on the snug of your back, leaving more soft kisses on your neck and jaw. Soon, your moans turn into deserpate cries of his name, your arms at the brink of failure as they try to hold your figure up. Heeseung’s heat soon got the better of him, too; his thrusts growing sloppy  and rushed every time you yelled his name. No matter how much he teased you, you still had an effect on Lee Heeseung. 

One last push of Heeseung’s hips summoned your conjoined climaxes, coating your walls and the latex of the condom. Heeseung pulled out and you plop on your stomach, exhaustion tackling you like a boulder to anything in its way. The bambi snuggles up beside you, immediately cradling you in his arms like it was second nature. You had to admit, it made your heart flutter. 

“Wanna cuddle?” Heeseung asks, his tone suddenly so innocent, it makes your brows furrow. 

“Aren’t we already doing that?” You mutter, your head snug at the crook of his neck.

“Right, sorry.” Heeseung combs a hand through his sweat-drenched hair. “It just feels like I’m dreaming when I’m with you.”

You punch his chest; an appropriate consequence for that corny pick up line. But either way, it worked. You were falling in love all over again. 

You sigh. Maybe it was time to start over. 

“Heeseung?” You catch his attention as he maneuvers his position to get a better look at you. His eyes widen, signifying his piquing interest in what you need to say “Yeah?”

“I think I love you.”

All the worry pent up in your chest wisps away at the sight of Lee Heeseung’s smile. The bambi boy tugs onto your frame closer, tighter. A stupid grin forever plastered onto his face. 

“I think I love you too, y/n.”

[smooth-perceval]

“You still love me?”

Max Verstappen x Fem!Reader.

Summary: Max and reader have decided to separate for the benefit of their child. Reader and max was always arguing and they both agreed it wasn’t fair to bring their baby up that way. Only when the reader attends one of his races for their kid they realised it was a break that they needed not seperation.

Warning: Swearing, angst, Google translate, not proof read.

Key: Y/N (Your Name), Milo (Baby boy name, baby is nearly 3, slowly learning sentences)

Word count: 4,768

A/N: Max and kids is like my fav fics. Anyways, hope you enjoy this as much as I did writing it!! 🖤 maybe some movie quotes in here cause I like movies :|

When did the constant arguing happen? Pfftt no idea I couldn’t tell you. What I could tell you is that I have had enough.

I had enough of playing the waiting game and making excuses for Max’s absence in his own little boys life. We tried attending majority of the races for Max, and even the ones we could attended we might as well been at home, we would’ve seen more of Max on the tv.

Whenever I brought up this situation with Max, he always would shout about “Being world champion” and that “I have a priority to the team” which I would always clip back with “What about your priority of being a father?” To then he would slam the door on my face and go on his simulator, or end the call on me.

It was the same shit different day, it was just killing me knowing this is all effecting our Milo. The countless days and nights of me lying for Max, it was getting tiring wiping our baby’s eyes, and promising him his dad really does love and care for him his just busy doing championship things.

10:38pm

Still no sign of Max, no text, no call, nothing. Milo tried staying awake but the struggle was getting unbearable for him and I decided to do the battle of attempting to get him to bed.

“Come baby, it’s time for bed. Pa is busy…” scooping him up in my arms as he yawned, he started mumbling his protests and I knew it’ll be another long night… and all I could think was, damn you Max Verstappen.

After trying to settle Milo down for the last 20 or so minutes, we finally compromised Milo was going to stay in our bed, with a bowl of fruit because he really wanted it.

Finally Milo settled his head next to mine on the pillow, I was laying on my side watching him a small smile on my face. He really is perfect, his Max’s double, absolutely perfect, the temperament was defiantly the same as well, I sure had my hands full with them.

“mamma, is pa home?” His eyes diverted from the tv to me as he laid on his side also now, clearly getting tired by the way he reached his hand out putting it on the side of my face, a comfort thing he does when his tired. “Not yet baby. I’ll wake you when he does” I place my hand on top of his smiling at him leaning it kissing his nose. “Night mamma…” yawning again his eyes flutter closed as he takes a deep sigh. “Night Schat” (darling)

Once I knew Milo was fully asleep I turned the tv off and leaned over to check my phone again, still nothing…

Now yawning also, I gave up. Milo doesn’t deserve this- I don’t deserve this… all we asked for is 5 minutes of his time. But the team comes first.

01:19am

The bed dipped, and I felt Milo stir against my chest, his small arm wrapped around me as much as he could, I soon felt another arm slide over us both and a deep sigh leave the person. Opening my eyes a little I already knew who it would be.

“Don’t wake Milo.” I mumble cradling our baby.

“Nice to see you too.” He scoffed back rubbing Milo’s back.

“He waited up late again for you Max.”

“Well put him to bed earlier.”

Shushing Max I soothed Milo again, I knew I promised to wake him up but he needs to sleep. Maybe we both can’t keep our promises…

“Sorry…” Max whispered closing his eyes.

“For all of it.” He mumbled afterwards.

“I don’t care anymore…” I whispered back pushing Max arm off me… yes I did and yea I just wanted Max to hold me, but that means his won and I can’t let him win once again. Max gave in rolling onto his back and letting the sleep take him. While me? I laid awake for another hour or so just watching them both, they both looked so peaceful, Milo had clearly felt Max presence and turned over cuddling into him. As soon as Max felt him a small smile crept to his face, even while asleep… and it’s times like this that make me regret the bad thoughts I have… but I had to do it for us to work-

The next morning I slowly woke up, when I glanced over Max and Milo was still asleep, Max now on his back and Milo laying on his chest with Max’s arms both wrapped around him securely. It was an adorable image, they both looked so calm when together and again, so peaceful.

Deciding to start making Milo’s breakfast, I head downstairs knowing soon he will be awake and our little morning routine will have to start, so why not get ahead?

I started making some pancakes and fruit for him as he loves pancakes, seeing as I’m able to get 5 minutes to make them, normally once me and Milo get up his already asking for breakfast- and boy, that kid gets hangry. And boy he can eat.

Just as I was setting his food at the table I heard someone behind me.

“Morning.” I already knew it was Max, by his deep husky voice that he always gets in the mornings, and for the fact that nobody but Max was here who’s voice would be like that. “Morning.” I mumbled back going past him to wake Milo, if I don’t wake him now he won’t sleep later unfortunately.

When I opened the door to the bedroom Milo was slowly waking up, his head just rising from the pillow, like he had sensed Max not being there. I smiled at him sweetly and walked over to the bed brushing his hair back with my fingers. “Morning baby” but he couldn’t care for me being there he straight away looked around the room, “pa?”

“Pa is downstairs, you coming?” I held my hands out to Milo who stood up slowly and climbed into my arms, head resting on my shoulder. Some may say his too old to be carried but his my baby, if I could I’d carry him for the rest of my life. When his in my arms I feel like no danger could come to us.

Once I had made it back downstairs I sat Milo at the table, as he insists his a big boy and can eat like his dad. Max was sitting there already with a bowl of cereal and phone in hand.

“Papa.” Milo stared at Max a sleepy smile on his face “Hi, mijn ventje” (my boy), glancing up from his phone he smiled at Milo, there is no denying Max loves his kid with his whole heart… but Milo is still young. He needs to be shown it. Like now, putting your phone down and enjoying breakfast with one another, was that too much to ask.

“Max.” I crossed my arms over my chest staring him out. He quickly looked up with raised eyebrows. Nodding my head towards Milo with pointed eyes, praying he got the hint. However, he just looked back at Milo confused and then back at me.

With a defeated sigh, I pulled a chair out next to Milo cutting up his food a bit more and handing him his cutlery. “I need to go, shit. I didn’t realise the time.”

“But you’ve barely been here five minutes…” I looked up at him with pleading eyes praying he would just sit back down.

“Papa leaving?” Milo looked between me and Max, I could see it on Max’s face he was praying I made some excuse up.

Shaking my head I looked down at Milo food picking his fork back up for him and handing it to him. “Eat up, otherwise I’ll eat it all.” I was on the verge of tears… the point that he couldn’t even stay here for me, didn’t both me I knew I signed up for this… but Milo didn’t. Max said we was at a good time for kids, truthfully he meant it was a good time for me and not him.

Max ran off upstairs getting changed and packing a few items ready for his next trip. By then Milo had given up with food, I took his stuff out to the kitchen letting him play for a bit in the lounge.

“I’ll call you tonight, make sure Milo is awake.” Turning around Max was standing in the kitchen door way. I just stared at him, I get he has a job I do but it’s not fair-

“Don’t bother making a promise if you don’t intend to keep it.” At my response Max rolled his eyes.

“Y/N don’t start this again- I got to go.”

“So have I. Max I can’t keep doing this…”

I finally got his attention. He stepped further into the kitchen confused.

“What you mean you can’t do this?”

“I can’t keep waiting around for you, you said we could start this family yet you haven’t been here-” I already felt choked up, this wasn’t a conversation I expected to be having first thing in the morning but I knew it was brewing…

“I’m doing my job- what did you expect me to do? Drop it all because you got pregnant?” The realisation showed on Max face as soon as he said it. He stepped even closer hands out waving in front of him.

I leaned my head back trying to hold back any tears that were threatening to spill, taking a few deep breaths.

“Y/N I didn’t mean that- it was just, it just came out-”

“You needed to go Max.” I turned back around putting the last remaining cups and plates away.

“Don’t, don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Shut me out.” He now came and stood next to me, trying to get me to look at him.

“You did that in your own.” He glanced down at his watch and then quickly back up at me.

“I need to leave. We will continue this when I’m home okay? I promise.” And he just left with a quick by to Milo, who was practically chasing him out the door.

There I stood alone in the kitchen taking a few more deep breaths before heading out to Milo.

“How about we go to the park baby?” Smiling I held my hands out to him, slowly he walked over his bottom lip stuck out little sniffles coming from him. “Papa’s gone…” I leant down picking him up, hand rubbing his back trying to soothe him. “I know, it’s okay…” carrying him upstairs to his room we picked a cute little set for him, seeing as it was quite warm out in Monaco, I encouraged him into the bathroom where he climbed on his little stool to brush his teeth.

He has always been very good with learning new things, he likes to be very much like his Dad, he see’s Max brushing his teeth, he wanted to do it, Max gets dressed by himself, Milo can do it. That’s why it’s been very difficult these few months with no Max present… it took a toll on Milo, what does he do now the only person he wanted to be like is rarely around?

“Go play, mama needs to get dressed mijn lieverd” (my darling) he nodded his head running off into his room as I got dressed, brushed my hair and teeth, and put on some skin care.

“Milo you ready?” Coming back out our room he come walking out smiling, his got Max’s cute smile, honestly makes my heart swell every time he smiles, maybe it doesn’t hurt me so much Max not being around because I do have my mini Max always. “Mama, we go park now?” Nodding my head I held his hand as we both took the stairs one step at a time.

“Did you want to bring anything?” I grabbed a large bag for us, heading into the kitchen packing a few snacks and drinks for us, going to the medical cupboard and getting Sun protection, “Milo let mama put this on you” I bent down in front of him applying it to any skin showing before putting it in the bag.

“This.” He held out his small replica toy of Max car before putting it in the bag.

I put his and my shoes on before holding my hand out again. “Ready?”

Nodding his head he took my hand grabbing his little hat that was on the coat hanger as we left.

It was only a small trip to the park, Milo absolutely tired himself out, us now both sitting in a nearby spot of grass in the shade, I was meant back against a tree Milo between my legs leaning back on me, eating some snacks.

“Papa home now?” He mumbled before putting another snack in his mouth. I ran my hands through his hair sighing. “Not yet baby…”

“At bedtime?” He turned his head slightly looking up at me.

“Maybe, if his not busy.” Nodding his head we then sat in silence, I took a picture of Milo sending it to Max, when Max was busy I always made sure to give updates on what we are doing, wether he answers or not.

On the walk home Milo ended up being carried as he fell asleep, clearly exhausted. Once indoors I sat him down in the lounge putting some cushions next to him so he didn’t roll off.

I quickly unpacked the bag and cleaned the house thinking about everything me and Max had to talk about, clearly believing that he will be home later, his promise taken seriously once again.

The day apart from that was quiet, Max never responded to my message, Milo was now awake and playing with his cars in the lounge and I was getting dinner ready.

When it got to dinner I messaged Max 20 minutes before dishing up, to see if he was going to be home, but no response. Me and Milo ate dinner with Max dinner now sitting there untouched, after dinner I cleared our plates putting Max dinner in the oven keeping it warm… hopefully he won’t be long-

I bathed Milo and was able to encourage him to stay in his own room tonight, which he settled down quite quickly clearly still tired from the day at the park.

And then I waited,

10:00pm rolled around, no max.

11:00pm still no max.

12:04am I decided to give up, I took his dinner out the oven throwing it away and headed to bed, the final broken promise.

I didn’t sleep, I laid in bed wondering what or who was keeping him away from home, this is the first 2 week break he has be able to have and yet we have seen nothing of him, I felt starved. I felt unwanted, pushed aside… Milo doesn’t understand fully, he only questions why Max is not here… and I have no more excuses apart from his busy…

12:47am the front door unlocked and I heard Max stumbling in swearing to himself, about 10 minutes or so later he came upstairs getting changed out his clothes and climbing into bed…

I just wanted to turn over and lay on his chest, pin him down and tell him he cannot leave. But I didn’t I faced the wall letting the tears silently fall.

“You awake?” The quiet whisper barley heard between us.

“Y/N…” he reached his hand out to which I quickly brushed off. “I’m sorry-”

“Don’t lie…” I whispered back, biting down on my lip, trying to collect myself.

“Are you crying?” I felt him shuffle behind me now sitting up using his arm to lean on. He pulled my arm gently trying to get me to turn over.

“Just go to sleep.” I tried pulling my arm away, but Max was quick to pull me back, now staring up at him, he leant over switching the side lamp on looking down at me.

“You are crying-” as if completely shocked he went to wipe the tears, I turned away swatting his hand away.

“You broke your promise.”

“I couldn’t just leave they needed me there-”

“Bullshit.” Sniffling I climbed out of the bed grabbing a pillow.

“It’s the truth.” I stood there staring at him, praying he would show me everything we have missed these passed few months, I was deprived of his touch his affection, I was deprived of Max.

“Why you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like you hate me.” With furrowed brows he moved to the edge of the bed.

“I’m starting to…” mumbling I looked down at the floor like I was ashamed to admit it.

“Your starting to hate me?” I nod my head slowly sniffling again.

“It took a lot of love for me to hate you the way I do…”

“You hate me?” He repeated again.

“Did you expect any different? Your not here-”

“And? that doesn’t mean you hate me-”

“Max your like a different person now. I don’t like this person you are- I fell in love with the guy that gave me that sweet little boy in the next room… the one who kept his promises, the guy that came home whenever he could to be with his family… this-” I looked him up and down stepping back.

“This isn’t him. This is not my Max. Milo’s dad… he asks for you every single day Max- and your not here… I’m surprised his first word wasn’t “Papa is busy.” From the amount of times I repeated it…”

Staring at each other Max in some form of shock and maybe disbelief, “your never here.” I finished my rant hugging the pillow tighter.

“I’m done now Max, I’ve given it my all… I’ve got no more love to give you.”

“Your giving up on us?”

“You did months ago.”

And I left the room, taking the night in the lounge.

Did it hurt the breakup? No… I was already prepared for it, Max said I could stay in the apartment until I found myself a place suitable for me and Milo, things have been better the past two weeks, I’ve had messages from Max, him asking how Milo is, if I had any photos of him that day, he called most nights to speak to him, and when Milo handed the phone back Max would try and questions the subject of us which I would always shut down… if it took me and Max separated for him and Milo to have a better bond then I’ll do it.

Max asked for us to attend a race in Barcelona in a few weeks, I wasn’t too sure seeing as the travelling for Milo wasn’t nice, and truthfully it would be awkward between me and Max… after sitting down and thinking about it, and how excited Milo got I agreed we will come, for the benefit of our child.

Milo didn’t stop talking for weeks, everyone he saw he told them he was going to watch his papa race, every night Max FaceTimed him and Milo would show him his car collection, every single night without fail.

Going back to that night… I don’t hate Max… it was in the moment it came out- but truthfully I love him with my whole heart. And seeing him improve as a parent only made me love him even more… but I was still being to stubborn to speak to him… and I wasn’t going to not yet anyways.

It finally got to race week, me and Milo was flying out on the Friday and should be at the track just before free practice. Milo insisted on wearing his red bull overalls. In a separate bag I had some spare clothing Incase he got to hot, which he will. But he was just as stubborn as me, and refused to change.

Milo was enjoying all the attention, people complimenting his outfit, and even asking to take photos. Which I allowed as Milo was excited to take pictures. We finally got to the red bull garage, everyone was all over Milo, but he only had one thing on his mind Max, and so did I.

“Where’s papa?” He looked around confused, seeing Max car there but no Max.

“His just coming- did you want to sit in his car?”

Nodding his head excitedly I smiled at the engineer thanking them as they lifted him into the car. I leaned down taking a few photos of him, his smile was just contagious everyone around him smiling also, it was a mini Max in big Max car. He was just adorable.

“You think maybe I should get him a car for his birthday?” Turning my head at the voice Max stood next to me arms crossed and a smile on his face as he watches Milo.

“I think he would love it.” Smiling I turned back. “He hasn’t stopped talking about you for 2 weeks straight.”

“Really?” It was max turn to look at me now in shock.

“Mhm, something about ‘Papa wants to play cars?’ ” laughing a little, Max chuckled also, he leaned over the top of the car rubbing Milo’s head.

“Papa!” He quickly jumped up in the seat reaching for Max, and soon settled on max hip as he carried him around.

“Look at your outfit- You look like pa” Max smiled tugging at Milo’s overalls.

“Mama got more.”

“That’s because Mama is smart, shall we go look at the other cars.” Max looked over at me and I nodded my head for them to go. Only then max grabbed my hand pulling me along with them.

All three of us walking down the pit lane, Max and Milo talking about the cars, me trailing next to them bathing in the moment. Max hand still on mine as we walked, it felt normal. Like we hadn’t spilt all them weeks ago…

“Milooo!” In unison we all turned our heads to the voice, seeing Lando come walking out his garage.

“Hello buddy, I hate your outfit…” Lando pretended to be sick which caused Milo to laugh throwing his head back.

“It’s papas.” Smiling happily at Lando, then moving to cuddle Max tighter. “I know it makes me feel sick! You need one of my ones.” Lando poked his cheek smiling back.

“No papa faster.” This now caused max to burst into laughter nudging Lando.

“Wow, I just got told by a 2 year old.” Lando half smiled, before turning to me leaning in giving me a hug. “Y/N sorry- long time no see” I smiled hugging him back. “How you been Lan?”

“Yeah not bad, working with whatever we got you know-”

“Papa- we go red” milo turned pointing down to the Ferrari garage, then looking back at Max.

“You wanna see Ferrari?” Bouncing Milo he said bye to Lando walking off before turning around.

“You coming? Or shall we meet you down there?”

“I’ll be down in a second-” smiling I waved Max off and turned back to Lando,

“Sorry carry on-”

“What is going on with you both?”

Confused I tilt my head looking at him, “what do you mean?”

“Well are you together or not? Cause a few weeks ago he was the most moodiest person in the world. And when I said to him about it he told me use were not together and now his all smiley stopping at garages, walking love loverbirds with you- I’m so confused!”

Laughing a little I looked down to Max, Charles, Milo and Carlos. “I’m just as confused as you.”

Slowly we both started walking down to them discussing what happened, Lando was like mine and Max’s best friend, everything was told to him, and he wouldn’t tell a soul… on purpose anyways.

Me and Max told Lando and Daniel first when we was expecting Milo before family! He is basically Milo’s uncle. Which is why I trust him to tell him our relationship woes.

“Hey Y/N!” Charles smiled and pulled me into a hug once we reached them Carlos following suit. “Hi, how are you both?”

Both nodding slowly, their faces said otherwise. “You?” Turning to Carlos I smiled, “I’m okay thank you, weather here is lovely!”

“I was just saying to Max, why is Milo in a racing suit in this weather?” Charles laughed a little tugging at Milos suit.

“He insisted he needed to wear it because Max wears it.” Shaking my head I laughed a little looking over at Max. Max however was occupied with watching Milo, in complete awe.

“You really said that mijn ventje?” (My boy) Milo hummed nodding his head.

“Oh Max-” checking the time in my phone I grabbed ahold oh his arm. “Practice is about to start.” Pushing him slightly back towards the red bull garage I gave everyone a quick smile and telling them to have fun.

Lando only responded with a little smirk, in response I stuck my middle finger at him behind Max back.

“It’s a good thing your here I would’ve missed that-” Max laughed a little before pausing and shifting Milo to the other side.

“Milo let papa put you down, you can hold his hand okay?” I reached over taking Milo from max putting him on the ground, and as soon as I did he grabbed mine and Max hand swinging our arms as we walked.

“Lando said you have been miserable, wouldn’t come out your drivers room or something?” Tilting my head slightly I sneaked a look at him.

“I haven’t been miserable… just didn’t feel like talking with people.” Max tutted face red slightly.

“And here I was thinking at least I wasn’t the only one.” Teasing him slightly I smiled a little at him.

“You wasn’t… it was hell.” A sigh left his lips as we got into the garage, I then grabbed Milo sitting him on a chair at the side, and sitting next to him while they got prepared. Max getting his gloves and helmet on and doing his race suit up, once ready he came over to Milo crouching down showing him his custom helmet design for this week.

Milos hands were all over his helmet in absolute amazement.

“Give pa his good luck kiss” I pointed to the front of Max helmet and Milo leaned forward kissing the helmet. Smiling max ruffled his hair and stood up, nodding his head at me and touching my arm, I was looking down at Milo and back to Max, maybe I should tell max good luck?

By now max had already climbed into his car and was ready to go out. An engineer already guiding him slowly out.

“Can you watch him for two seconds-” I looked up at another engineer who nodded taking my spot.

Quickly I slid through the people grabbing onto the edge of Max car looking at him from under the halo.

“Good luck.” He looked at me, the corners of his eyes creasing from a smile. Before i stood up letting go of the car.

“I love you-” it was barely heard over the sound of the car, max was already gone. But it gave me reassurance that I had come close to telling him.

Max qualified for Q2 through the practice and come back into a very happy garage- Milo was asleep across two chairs now changed into his other clothes as he got too warm. All he kept saying was “Papa win?” To which I responded with just a simple “yes papa is always a winner”

As soon as max got out the car he was pulling all his stuff off, gloves first then helmet then tugging at the zip on his race suit opening it up, completely ignoring everyone, and when he moved he headed directly towards us.

“Well do-”

“You still love me?” He was heavy breathing, face red, hair slightly damp. And the only thing I could do was nod my head slowly.

And that was enough for Max. Pulling me in and kissing me, he mumbled I love use followed by a kiss after every word.

“I thought you hated me-”

“Never in a million years… if anything I love you even more than when we was 19.”

Max smile grew as he kissed me again.

And once again I thought to myself, damn you Max Verstappen.

A/N: erm yes it was rushed- I woke up and was like I didn’t finish it- and I was posting today so I do apologise with my whole heart 🖤 but with whatever is there I hope you enjoyed it- I kinda like the whole Milo&Max might make them a mini series as Milo grows idk- we will see!

Masterlist

[eclipsedrgn]

𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐩, 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐩, 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞

you are the daughter of the dark knight, the batman, and all your life you've been trained to make a difference in the world. you made a lot of sacrifices and felt pain you shouldn't have. you were darkness... that until you met marc spector.

⚠️ swearing, mentions of death, mental health, DID

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The world called it The Blip, the snap of an alien that made half of the population disappear within a blink of an eye. Families lost their love ones as did the heroes, lost themselves.

We called it The Split, the combination of two worlds with their own heroes. A split between their reality and ours. As the Blip gave back their love ones after a sacrifice of a beloved hero, they gained us, new heroes. Darker, unlovable, dangerous.

All heroes of both universe, the big ones anyway, gathered at the UN to talk responsibilities. They both agree to stay within their cities, like for example no one can enter Gotham without Batman's permission. Something the Avengers argue for, but completely agreeing after seeing the horror of the city can offer.

During the Split (5 years before Tony Stark snapped his fingers), I decided to travel to the deserts of Egypt for a little relaxing trip. The two worlds colliding took a toll on everyone's mental health, and wanted to take a break. As much as a hero can. Luckily for me, my family took my shift. I joined a group of archeologist on a dig site, searching for missing tombs and temples.

Then I met Marc Spector.

His face was covered as him and his partner held everyone hostage. Our hands tied behind our back, all of us on our knees. Marc tugs down his scarf, that was covering the bottom part of his face, I see the sharpness of his jawline and the stubbles of his beard starting to grow. He looks depressed, angry, worried. Like he didn't want to do what he did.

It was the final shot to the guy next to me that caused me to duck and roll under the jeep that's parked behind me. Marc tackled his partner trying to stop him when I hear two shots. A shot that ended his partner's life and a shot that would end Marc's. You stayed hidden under the jeep, gasping for breath as your anxiety spikes. You hear the sand crunching under someone's feet, turning your head you see someone with white, bandaged shoes walking around the jeep.

"Come out" he said, "Your safe"

Slowly, you trusted the man and scooted out. You see him standing there dressed all white, wraps around his body with a cresent moon sported on his chest. He wore a mask that covers his whole face and a hood with glowing red eyes.

You slowly stood as the mask from his face dispersed showing his true identity. "Y-You won't kill me?"

"No. I'm done killing inoccents. Now, come on we have to go" he mutters cutting the ropes around my wrist. "I'm uh... I'm Marc by the way. Marc Spector"

"I'm Y/n... Y/n Todd" you lied through your teeth.

And that was the story of how my life changed forever.

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"I'm worried Marc" I mumble into the phone, "It's been months, a year even- I don't care if your out and about but I need to know that your okay. At least let me know your alive"

The beep on the voicemail made me sighed.

A year ago, Marc left in the middle of the night. I woke up to an empty, cold bed with no note and half of his clothes gone. I thought he got a job and didn't say anything, then I realize he truly left when he didn't say anything after a week. Of course I was angry at first, but I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.

"Still not answering?" I hear my brother Tim ask from behind me.

"I don't get it. Did I do something wrong?" I depressingly asks. "I know we all have our secrets but-"

Tim grabbed my face with both of his hands, "Sis you are extrodinary. He's a dumbass for not seeing that. I still have the divorce paper on my desk. Just say the word"

"I actually need his signature" I muttered and pulled away.

I was about to make my way up the manor when my phone rings- no, not my phone. It was the burner phone between Marc and I. I look at Tim, rushing towards it and answered.

<<; "Yeah?" >>

"What do you mean "Yeah"? Where the hell are you? Fuck- Thank god you're alright" I practically raise my voice.

<< "Yeah, alright" >>

"That's it?" I said in disbelief, "That's all you have to say. A year of no contact, no call, no note. All you have to say is "Alright"?"

<<; "Uh..." >>

"Marc-" I sighed rubbing my forehead, "Please, just tell me your alright"

There was silence on the other side.

"Hello?- Marc, baby please tell me your okay?" I stressed out, giving Tim a look at the corner of my eye. He nods and went into typing into the Batcomputer, tracking the phone call, it pinged to London.

<< "Sorry, I just found this phone in my flat and I'm just trying to figure out whose it it" >>

I paused hearing the distinct English accent, "Marc, why're you- why are you talking like that?"

<< "What?" >>

"The accent, Marc" I insisted, sweat slowly forming on my forehead.

<< "Sorry. Who do you think I am?- Why are you calling me Marc?" >>

I hung up the phone. I looked at Tim, who pinged the phone to the exact address where my husband is.

"Thanks Timmy, tell Dick and Jay I'm headed to London tonight" I said kissing the top of his head.

[jasntodds]

Petrichor [5]

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader (little bit of fwb)

Words: 14,714

Warnings: Swearing, fluff, a little bit of angst, ngl it gets a little cheesy but Jason is cheesy so here we are, little bit of violence, blood, this chapter is where the flashbacks in s03e05 start but I am stretching the timeline just a little bit

Summary: ❝Pylades: I’ll take care of you. Orestes: It’s rotten work. Pylades: Not to me. Not if it’s you.❞

Gotham is home, not just for Jason but for you, too. And now that you’re both finally back home, together, you’re ready to see where this next chapter brings the two of you. He’s your best friend and you’re his. And you both might want a little something more with being back home, the place you both feel most comfortable. Surely, nothing could possibly go wrong now.

A/N: Enjoy because we’re almost to the angst lol I hope you guys like it!! If you want context from book 1, let me know and I’ll tell you!! You can add yourself to the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary and turn on notifications if you prefer that!! I love feedback, I swear it keeps me posting on a weekly basis 😭

series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

It’s been a month since Jason’s birthday and the two of you have been happy in your current state. You both hold onto your friends with benefits arrangement like it’s in a vice, denying of you being a couple whenever it’s brought up. Molly brings it up to the both of you every so often, questioning what the hell is going on.

You might not be doing anything in public, but she sees the way Jason reaches for your hand all the time and the way his hand rests on the small of your back or on your knee when you’re all hanging out. And she sees the way you beam when he talks and the way you nudge him with your shoulder, the way you practically sit on top of him and reach for his hand. You both make it so obvious it’s almost painful. Even Bruce has noticed and he’s just as confused as Molly is but he doesn’t pester you about it. Instead, Bruce has a fond smile whenever he sees you together because at least you’re both happy.

But, while you’re happy together, Jason is still struggling. His nightmares are persistent, he still wakes up in a sweat screaming most nights. At one point, he tried to avoid sleeping with you entirely because he keeps waking you up and it’s not fair to you. He is not your responsibility. But, you’re very convincing and reassuring. You promised him you’d be there anyway because that’s what people do when they care about someone. You’re very convincing. But, then his hands shake and his chest gets so heavy he can’t breathe. It’s paralyzing and he knows Bruce has noticed, too.

Bruce has taken notice in Jason and you not sleeping in separate rooms anymore. He’s heard Jason screaming in the middle of the night. He sees Jason’s hands shake on patrol and in training. He’s noticed the limp. Jason seems physically fine but Bruce is no stranger to the harm someone’s mental state can cause them. And Jason knows Bruce has noticed, he was not dubbed the world’s greatest detective for no reason. And that scares Jason even more because he’s afraid it’s only a matter of time before Bruce gives up on him.

He’ll make Jason hang up the suit, find a new Robin who’s not scared of everything. So, Jason tries even harder. He trains harder and more often, him and you patrol together on nights Bruce doesn’t, which means he’s patrolling every single night, no breaks. You notice but when you ask, Jason brushes it off and says he’s just wanting to train a little more to be prepared. He’s very convincing, too.

While Jason is still struggling, You’ve been getting a little bit better. You swore coming back home, it would be different. You can’t run from everything the rest of your life and you don’t want to. So, you deal with it. You have a nightmare and you tell Jason the details about it and you talk about it. Gar was right, it does help a lot more than you actually thought it would. And when you feel paranoid about Jerry showing up or someone recognizing you from patrol, you tell Jason and he reassures you because no one has ever figured out about him, Bruce, or Dick. You wear a mask and no identifiable clothes. You’re safe. And you tell Molly what happened, in small pieces, but you tell her just leaving out the powers and such. And it seems to help.

You’re comfortable here. You’re comfortable in Gotham, at the manor surprisingly, with Jason, and with Molly. You have nightmares and the paranoia is real, but it’s getting better. You keep up with Gar and the other Titans and things feel like they might be okay again one day.

Tonight, though, you and Jason are on another bust without Bruce. It’s not something big or anything, just some run-of-the-mill guys who have nothing better to do than deal laced drugs to kids. So, you’re here to put a stop to it. And it’s going well, until it isn’t.

Jason is supposed to be handling half of them and you handle the other half. It’s how you do this and you watch each other in case things go south. But, you’re holding your own just fine until you hear Jason groan from behind you.

It’s a reflex.

You can’t help it but you hear him and you have to turn to look because Jason should be fine. But, you look over and he’s on the ground, and that gives the guy you’re fighting enough time to grab you, despite the throbbing in your head. He yanks your arm and twists it behind your back. You let out a scream in response, feeling your arm bending too far in the wrong direction.

Jason is on the ground, taking the blow to his stomach and the scream you let out nearly shatters his entire being. But, it switches something in him, allowing him to get up and start fighting. His hands shake so bad he’s surprised he can land a single punch and you allow your hands to glow, shooting acid behind you and hitting the guy in the leg. He drops your arm, screaming in agony from behind you.

“Hey, are you okay?” Jason looks you over as he reaches you, his hands as if on instinct, cup your cheeks softly. His gloves touch your mask and you see the panic trenching his face.

That’s not normal, Jason doesn’t panic.

His eyes scan over you, frantic as if panicked you’re been seriously injured. He doesn’t see any injury besides a small cut near your eyebrow or anything to indicate a red flag. But you screamed and you’re very good at not reacting to pain in these situations.

“I’m fine.” You brush it off, trying your best to ignore the throbbing in your shoulder. “Let’s get out of here.”

Jason agrees and the two of you finish tying up the men for the GCPD to deal with when they show up and you head back. Jason can feel your grip on him looser than normal and the guilt starts to chew at him. You’re good on your own usually, especially with these guys. They’re easy. But, Jason knows he groaned and he’s thinking that grabbed your attention. You were going to bail him out and it got you hurt. This is his fault and it’s not fair.

Back at the manor, you both change and meet in the bathroom to clean each other up. You take a seat on the counter while Jason grabs the supplies and he hasn’t said a single word.

“You okay, Jay?” Your voice is hesitant, knowing he’s definitely not. Jason is only quiet when he’s trapped in his own head.

“Fucking fine.” Jason mutters, looking at the blood by your eye. It’s the only cut and it’s small but it’s enough.

“Are you sure? You don’t seem fine.” You eye him carefully and you know him better than you know yourself most of the time. You got hurt and he’s blaming himself.

Jason grits his teeth. “How’d you get hurt?” Jason nearly seethes.

“I don’t know. He grabbed me.” You shrug your shoulders, brows pulled together in a tight line.

“Bullshit.” Jason scoffs. “You can feel that shit.”

You chew the inside of your cheek and you have to tell him. “I heard you, looked to make sure you were okay.”

“Fuck.” Jason lets out a groan, running a shaking hand through his hair and he’s supposed to protect you. And instead, he’s the one getting you injured.

“It’s not your fault, Jay. I’m fine. It’s just a little sore, it’s not a big deal.” You assure him and you’re certain it’s fine because it doesn’t feel like it’s dislocated again. It’s just a little sore.

“Yeah, but you got hurt because of me!”

“Not because of you.” You argue. And your heart plummets in your stomach.

He can’t do this. He cares too much about you. He can’t do it. He cannot let you get hurt because of him again. This isn’t fair and it hurts so fucking bad that he can feel tears brim behind his eyes. He likes you so much it’s agonizing. Jason is so sure his heart will only ever beat for yours but he finds himself ready to quit and push and scream. Just like he always does because he fucking can’t. This isn’t fair to you. You deserve better. And there’s you who can see it across his face.

Jason is very good with hiding his emotions sometimes. It’s like he just does it, effortlessly and maybe it’s because that was always easier than showing them. Maybe showing them always got him hurt. Being vulnerable and honest can lead to heartbreak and you know Jason has too much experience with it. But his issue here is that he is always comfortable with you. So, he slips. And you can see the struggle across his face and you hate that he battles himself so fucking much. He has enough enemies but Jason Todd is his own worst enemy.

“Jay?” You call and it snaps Jason right out of his own head, his eyes looking to yours and he’s about to call it off. He’s about to push and you see it. You shake your head, your heart breaking with the expression on his face. “Hey, like you said, we go out there and we get hurt sometimes, it happens. But, honestly, I am fine.”

Jason shakes his head, his jaw clenches and his adam’s apple bobs as he looks down to your lap. “Yeah, but I didn’t get hurt because of you. You got kidnapped because of me, remember? That shit was my fucking fault just like tonight.”

You know he’s about to push. It’s written in every pissed off and agonized wrinkle on his face. It’s how he runs a hand through his hair, something he only ever does when he’s beyond stressed out. It’s how he won’t close any of the distance between you and he hasn’t started cleaning the cut by your eye. You can see it in the redness of his eyes and the dark shade of green of his eyes. And it is breaking you.

It feels like he’s going to break up with you and you aren’t even together. You’re friends but you can feel it in the marrow of your bones that he wants to end it anyway. All because you got hurt and that’s not fair. He comes back night after night injured more often than not and not a single part of you has ever thought about tossing in the towel just because it’s hard seeing him hurt. And you know it’s because he blames himself, but it’s not his fault. He would do the same for you. Always. And you know that and you’re not gonna let him give up so fucking easily.

“Please, don’t push me away, Jay.” There’s something so simple and desperate in the way you say it that it makes Jason snap his attention back to your eyes.

You aren’t quite pleading or begging. But it’s as if you want to. You have this look that Jason remembers vividly. It’s the same look you had when he went to leave with Rose. The same sad eyes and wrinkled forehead, your mouth in a straight line as if resisting the urge to cry. This is the same damn look you gave him that day you wanted to beg him to stay with you. And for the first time, Jason sees the way it hurts someone when he pushes.

He’s never seen it before. He pushes and pushes and pushes so damn hard all the time that by the time the people leave, they’re mad at him. They might be sad, sure and hurt, yeah, but they are also mad at him because he hits below the belt. He brings up things that should have remained unsaid. He fires as hard and as fast as he can to get them to leave. And they do and he never sees the aftermath of it. But, tonight, he can see the hint of pain it would cause you if he pushed harder. It’s the way your eyes look to his and then behind him as if it’s almost too painful to look directly at him. And for the life of him, he can’t figure out why. But, that’s enough for him because hurting you is always the very last thing he ever wants to So, he nods and steps closer to you even when he wants to push.

“I just don’t want you to get hurt because of me.”

You offer a sad but tender smile as you place your hand on his jaw “I know. But, uh, I think that’s just part of working together. Sometimes it happens but that’s okay. I don’t want you to get hurt because of me either.”

“Yeah, I know.” Jason lets out a sigh, taking your hand in his.

“Hey, look, you’ve gotten hurt because of Bruce before I’m sure, and vice versa, right? Like he’s the reason you’re Robin so…technically…” You offer him this grin that gets him laugh.

“Yeah, but it’s different with you.” Jason states and he didn’t even think before he said it. It just came out and your grin turns into a soft smile.

“I know.” You nod your head. “But, I am fine and you don’t get to blame yourself for it. I won’t let you.”

“You won’t let me?” Jason chuckles.

“Nope.” You smirk at him. “You wouldn’t let me so I won’t let you.”

“Yeah, alright,” Jason lets out a half-scoff, half-chuckle. “Promise me you’ll be more careful, yeah?” Jason asks and he tries to hide the worry in his voice.

“I promise.” You nod your head. “You, too, okay?”

“Promise.” Jason presses a kiss to your knuckles.

“Thanks for not pushing.” You say quietly. “I know you want to.”

Jason nearly pauses and there is something that is both comfortable and terrifying about you knowing when he wants to push. It’s always been his best defense mechanism. And no one ever saw it coming. No one cared much to figure out when and how he would push or even if they did figure it out right before he was going to, they never even tried to stop him. They always just let him push. Not you though. You know and you won’t let him and that is so terrifying because without that mechanism what does he have left? But it’s comfortable because he has you.

He loses that defense mechanism around you and then he gets to have you. That’s how it works and it’s comfortable. He wants to push and you won’t let him and you won’t yell at him for it either. Instead, you offer him an ear and a voice of reason and you sit here, allowing him to clean up the cut near your eye with ease and a simple smile on your face. And he knows you want to run sometimes.

“Thanks for not running.” Jason lets the words fall with ease from his lips and he does that.

You notice he’ll say something that almost gives away exactly how he feels and thinks. He says something casually but softly and quickly. As if the words just slip right out and he just lets them.

You watch him as he cleans your eyebrow and you’re sitting here, lost in your own thoughts about him. He could have pushed you away. You wouldn’t have let him but he could have tried. And he didn’t. You asked him not to and you’re the only person to have asked him not to. No one’s ever even asked him to stop. They accept what he does and that’s the end of it. Not you though. And he’s standing here cleaning your eyebrow that you can absolutely do yourself. It’s a small cut that doesn’t even need a stitch but he cleans it anyway. And he has you promise him that you’ll be more careful. And you realize, he’s taking care of you and maybe he’s been doing it the whole time.

Jason told you a few months ago that you should stop trying to take care of other people and let someone take care of you. You should let someone take care of you because you deserved a break. And you’re realizing that the only thing he has done for you, is take care of you. Since day one.

It’s always been him looking after you. Always. The first day in the training room, he went easy on you and you didn’t even realize it. When you told each other all of your baggage, he made sure you were okay. He helped you off the floor that first secret training night. He’s the only that knew you’d go after Jerry and he’s the one that fixed your hands. And he’s the one that knew reading to you would make everything less heavy.

He took on Deathstroke to protect you. He let go of you when the bomb went off to protect you. He turned you down to protect you. He let you in his room when you had nightmares and always asked, always offered training or reading or watching something. He came back to the tower for Gar, sure but he came back to make sure you were okay. He asked Bruce to let you live with them to take care of you, to keep you off of the streets. He taught you how to ride a bike so you wouldn’t have to rely on him. He teaches you to cook and he cooks for you so you don’t have to worry about food. And he never goes easy on you in training now, so you’ll be prepared for whatever happens out there. He’s been taking care of you this whole time and you didn’t even realize it.

“You taking care of me?” You ask and your voice lacks any form of sarcasm but Jason feels the smirk growing against his hands as he cleans the cut.

And he remembers that night. He remembers everything.

You told him someone should take care of him and you asked him a question that seemed too sarcastic but he’s realizing maybe it wasn’t. It’s always going to be the two of you trying to care of each other and maybe, for once, you’ll openly let each other.

“You gonna let me?” Jason quips back, dropping his hand as he finishes cleaning the cut.

“Yeah.” You mumble softly, Jason glancing to your eyes and something about it makes his chest burn. Last time you had this conversation, you didn’t seem like you wanted someone to care of you. You could do it on your own. But then there’s Jason.

“I’ll always take care of you, babe.” Jason grins up at you and his words lack sarcasm.

“I’ll always do the same.” You state. “If you’ll let me.”

And for the first time in his life, Jason has no doubt in that comment. You’ve always been taking care of him and you’ve made it well known. Unlike Jason who’s done it a little more subtly, you’ve repeatedly said you’ll take care of him. You’ve always been there. You call him out when he’s pushing because that’s part of taking care of him. Making sure he always has someone in his corner. Even when he doesn’t think he needs you to take care of him or deserve to be taken care of, he believes you because that’s all you’ve ever done for him.

“Yeah, alright.” Jason nods his head, a tender smile on his lips.

You’re entire chest warms because honestly, you never thought he’d willingly admit to allowing someone to take care of him. But here is, letting you.

“Ya know,” You let out a breath as Jason tosses the bloody gauze away. “I don’t do this shit for you, right? Like… vigilante shit.”

Jason raises a brow. “I know. Why would I think that?”

You shrug a shoulder. “Blaming yourself. I’d be doing it even if it weren’t for you. I was always given the choice when Dick picked me up so….not because of you any of it happened.”

Jason offers you a soft smile. “You were just gonna go out, kick some ass on your own with your powers?”

“Yeah,” You let out a laugh that echoes through the bathroom. “Right, you have powers so you either use them for good or evil, I guess.”

Jason can’t help the smirk that crosses his lips. “Yeah, you coulda been real fucking evil.”

“Shut the fuck up! I could definitely be evil if I wanted to.” You hold your head up.

“Sure, babe.” Jason lets out a soft chuckle.

“What about you? Like…not you being evil or some shit.” You snicker, getting a devious look from Jason. “I mean, if you ever pull a Dick or whatever, make your own name after Robin. Would you still or…?”

“Yeah.” Jason nods his head and he places his hands on either side of your thighs. “Uh, ya know, I can’t imagine doing anything else now.” He chuckles. “Well, kind of.”

You furrow your brows. “What do ya mean?”

“Kind of want to actually go to school, get a degree in something. I don’t know but I’d still be doing this.” Jason clears his throat as you rest your hands over his. “But, yeah, I mean, Bruce has people like Penguin, Mr. Freeze, Bane, all them covered, right? They keep us pretty busy sometimes and we don’t patrol Crime Alley very often, just on the anniversary of his parents. I’d want to patrol there, help kids who grew up like me.”

You nod softly and you adore him. “That’s a good idea, ya know? Batman and Robin, you guys like….you take out the big bads but who looks out for everyone else?”

“Yeah, exactly.” Jason nods his head. “We still do. But, if I wanted to do my own thing so Bruce did his, it would be that.” Jason nods once. “Not sure I’d give it up though.”

“Yeah, I know.” You laugh. “It is a good idea, if it ever happens though.”

“What about you? You always gonna tag along with us?”

You rest your head against his as you laugh before picking your head back up and shaking it. “No,” You scrunch your nose. “It’s your thing. I kind of agree with you. You and Bruce take out the big bads. I look out for the smaller people. Crime Alley, get rid of traffickers, the dealers dealing to kids, people assaulting women and kids. Those people that don’t always make it onto the radar.”

Jason’s chest fills with warmth. “You’d be good at it. You get it, I mean.” Jason clarifies.

“Yeah, exactly.”

“You’d be good at it.” He smiles gently. “You planning on doing that any time soon?”

You shake your head. “Nope. I am having fun doing this.” You glance his lips. “And, I do get to do it with you so.”

“Oh yeah? That really do it for ya, huh? Me?”

“Shut up.” You roll your eyes, pressing a kiss to his lips.

Jason smiles against your lips. “Come on.” Jason backs away, offering his hands dramatically to you. You place your hands in his, hopping off the counter. “Let’s go to your room and I’ll rub your shoulder.”

“Trying to get lucky?” You quip as the two of you start your walk.

“Taking care of you, like I said.” Jason chortles but he’s got that smirk dancing over his lips.

“Mhm, okay, Jay.”

The two of you go off to your room and instead of taking up Jason’s offer, you walk over to one of your shelves where you keep all of your scrapbooking supplies and your current project. You pluck the book from the shelf and walk over to the bed where Jason has made himself comfortable already. You sit down beside him and Jason sees the book with furrowed brows.

“What’re you doing?” He asks.

You let out a sigh. “You’re a pain in my ass, you know that?”

“Would you have it any other way?” Jason quips back.

“No.” You answer simply and the sweetest smile comes to your lips. “You were upset about me getting hurt so, I’m gonna show you one page.”

“Not sure how that correlates…” There’s a hint of sarcasm in his voice but he’s almost nervous. This is like your personal secret.

“Proving to you that I might get hurt but I trust you anyway.” You shrug. “One page.”

“One page.” Jason grins widely, sitting up as you flip to one of the pages you have finished.

You put the book on his lap and it’s a page of the Titans. He was right. It was the page you were working on a few weeks ago. There are plenty of pictures with all of the Titans, including Jason and he can’t help the smile that comes to his face. From these two pages, anyone would think there were never any bad days. Every single picture paints the idea the tower had never seen any horrors and they’d always gotten along just fine. It’s funny because these two pages show how you view them.

It’s messy but they’re your family. By accident and then on purpose. It’s not always happy and trauma-free, but everyone is there and there are plenty of happy moments with everyone. And you all have each other. Even when it’s messy and everyone’s fighting, you have each other. Even now, with half the Titans spread out across the country. And there are quotes on the pages.

The quotes are in a similar style to the ones you made Jason for his displays of his favorite books. But, he has a feeling the quotes you used were from movies and TV shows. They’re mostly about family and he does recognize one of the quotes. He nearly laughs because you would have a Lilo and Stitch quote. But it makes him happy and he wonders if this is how you felt when he read to you the first time.

You’re welcoming him into your world and this is something no one else gets to do. No one gets to see what you’re working on, not even Molly. But, you’re showing him and it means the world to him. And he’s so head over heels for you.

“I like it.” Jason’s voice is soft as he looks back to you.

“Thank you. It’s a little messy but I mean it kind of fits, I guess.” You laugh softly. “You can see the rest of the book when it’s done but that should tie you over.” You grin as you take the book back and close it.

“The whole book is really about us? The Titans?” Jason asks as he watches you put the book back.

“Pretty much. Oh, I will tell you, that my best friend has his own separate page.”

Jason gains a wicked grin. “All for me?”

“No,” You shake your head. “Krypto.” You beam with the most cheery smile Jason has ever seen.

“Still a dog.” Jason states, his eyes widening as you join him back on the bed.

“Still my best friend.” You smiles widely at him and you still love to tease him.

A part of him can’t believe he wanted to blow this whole thing up a few minutes ago. It’s what he does, sure, but he really can’t imagine not having this thing with you anymore. It would crush him entirely. You mean so much to him, more than almost anyone he’s ever met. And he adores every piece of you. He knows it’s a little bit more than just friends with benefits because if it were, maybe you would have let him push. Maybe if it were, you would not have shown him your scrapbook. And he finds himself thinking that it almost feels comfortable being aware it’s a little bit more. Jason finds himself thinking he kind of wants you to know he knows this is a little bit more than that.

“Oh, fuck.” Jason shakes his head, not really sure why Krypto jogged his memory. “Did Bruce talk to you?”

“About?” You question slowly.

“We have to go out tomorrow, get you something to wear. We have to go a Wayne Enterprises Gala.” Jason nearly groans with his own words. He hates those things.

“First all, why do I have to go? I’m not his kid. Second, what’s wrong with my clothes? And third, when the fuck?” You have no desire to go. You can’t even decide is you even really likes Bruce or not.

“Because I have to go so you have to go.” Jason states. “Uh, you don’t own anything nice.” Jason chortles earning a flick to the side of his head. “Next week.”

“Just because you have to go doesn’t mean I have to go, Jay.” You smirk at him. “That was also rude.”

“Yeah, you do. Do you want me to suffer by myself? Come on.” Jason groans. “It’s true. This shit is fucking…ugh. Like black tie kind of shit. Do you have anything for that?” Jason challenges with narrowed eyes.

“You’ve been before and came out alive. I think you’ll be alright.” You giggle. “Okay, that…yeah. Fair.”

“Please.” Jason pleads as he lets out another groan. “Come on, we both get all dressed up. Make fun of all those rich fucks for a few hours and then ditch.”

“Mmmm.” You scrunch. “Still a no.”

“Come on, babe.” Jason nearly whines but he’s got this toothy grin where he knows he’s gonna get you to cave. And you know it, too. “I said please.”

You let out a laugh, tilting your head. “You’re so annoying.” You roll your eyes. “Fine. But, I’m taking Molly for a dress, not you.”

“What’s wrong with me?” Jason questions, shaking his head as if to be in disbelief.

“Nothing.” You shrug. “But I don’t get all dressed up and if you’re making me go, you don’t get to know what I’m wearing until we go. That’s how it works.”

“Yeah, alright fine.” Jason chuckles.

“You still wanna rub my shoulder?” You give him a cheeky smile. “Ya know, since I’m saving from you the oh-so-torturous gala.” You mock him with wide eyes.

Jason chuckles softly, nodding his head. “Yeah, come here.” Jason sits all the way up, spreading his legs enough for you to sit in between them.

You turn on a movie for the two of you while Jason starts rubbing your shoulders. He’s gentle at first, letting you get used to the feeling and then he gets a little rougher with it trying to loosen the tight muscle. You close your eyes and let yourself get lost in it. He’s good at it. And at this point, you’re wondering if there’s anything Jason is actually bad at. What you do know is that you want these moments with him for the rest of your life.

You go shopping the following day with Molly, thanks to Bruce who gave you one of the credit cards. The trip goes fine and Molly doesn’t ask too many questions. You picked a dress you thought would work and Molly approved. Molly may have gushed a little about how she thinks Jason is going to lose his mind. And you’re really good about brushing it off because you’re friends. But that might have been your hope. You really do love when he gets flustered.

But, now it’s the night of the Gala and you’ve just gotten ready.

You walk out into the living room, wearing your dress.  It’s your perfect style that extenuates your shape and it fits perfectly. While you feel good in your dress, you still feel a little exposed.

Getting dressed up means drawing attention to you and you hate it. Jason told you once that he thinks you don’t like attention and he was right. You do not. This is a gala and it’s Bruce’s and you’re staying with Bruce and going with Bruce and Bruce’s son. It will draw attention and you can feel the panic in the back of your throat as you enter the living room.

Jason sees you walk in and his entire face softens at the sight of you. He has exactly one thought as his brain short circuits: woah. You look beautiful and the color compliments your hair and skin tone so well. You just look absolutely stunning. Jason swears you always look beautiful, always, but he never thought he’d see you dressed up for anything and wow.

Jason gets to his feet, walking over to you and you see him in a black-on-black tux with a red pocket square. Jason Todd is always very pretty and beautiful. But he cleans up so well. Jason dresses pretty well usually, you swear you only see him in sweats in the morning, at night, and during training. But the black-on-black looks so good on him. He looks sleek and put together. No one would ever know the horrors that take place in his head or the scars that daunt his body from the violence he’s encountered. He looks so beautiful.

“Wow, you clean up nice, Jay.” You offer him a soft smile as he walks up to you.

“Yeah,” Jason chuckles and he wants to have a quip but he can’t do it. “You look beautiful.” He says it so casually, with so much ease and he’s never told you that before.

Your face softens. “Thank you.” Your stomach swirls. “So, do you.”

Jason chuckles and he swears his mouth has never been more dry. “Thanks,” He shakes his head, feeling anxiety start to cloud his muscles. “Turn around, I have something for you.”

“You…do…?” You raise a brow and Jason gestures for you to turn around.

When he found out you both had to go to this thing, Jason went out of his way and bought you a necklace. He knew the gala was coming up and he had an idea. Jason is an acts of service person but he also likes gift-giving. You’ve been doing this friends with benefits thing awhile and he wanted to get you something, almost like a way to tell you that it’s more without ever having to say that out loud.

He’s always a little afraid you’ll end up thinking that’s all this is for him and while he doesn’t want to say the words out loud, he wants you to know anyway. He wants you to know not to give up on him yet. And he knows you’ll get it because you always do. This gala was the perfect excuse. So, he puts the necklace around your neck and latches it, letting it fall to your chest.

You look down, holding the small charm. It’s a silver infinity symbol with what you’re certain are diamonds lining one side of it. Your heart nearly explodes. Why would he do that? And that symbol? You don’t even care because it’s small and beautiful and it’s perfect. You turn around and there’s a blush spread across Jason’s entire face as he sticks his hands in his pockets.

“It’s beautiful, Jay. Thank you.” Your voice is soft, almost etched in confusion.

“You and me.” Jason nods his head and that’s when you get it. A smile splits your face and it’s always supposed to be him and you.

“You and me.” You repeat.

“Uh,” Jason takes a hand out of his pocket to rub the back of his neck. “I know you told Bruce no to the tracker.” Jason states.

Bruce asked you a few weeks ago about the tracker. You’re his responsibility now and you’re going on patrol with them. It’s the natural progression of things, apparently. But all you could do was blink at him and tell him you were calling Dick. You told Jason who said it would be safe in case you got kidnapped again but Dick told you not to do it. You were already not letting Bruce Wayne put a tracking device in you. You’re pretty sure Jason is insane for that one but you don’t blame him. Either way, you were not about that tracker.

“But, you sometimes get kidnapped.” Jason smirks at you as you glare at him. “So, there’s a tracker in it. It’s not a Bruce thing, I swear. He doesn’t know.” Jason clears his throat. “The first day you were here, you said you were afraid to use your powers in case someone kidnaps you so, uh, ya know,” Jason chuckles softly and he’s so damn nervous. He doesn’t think he’s ever been this nervous in his life. “Now, you don’t have to worry about it.”

Your brows furrow and he put a tracker in a necklace for you. He’s definitely insane but he’s so thoughtful. And you’re enthralled with him.

“Ya know, you’re like important and shit.” Jason sucks in a breath, shoving his hands in his pockets again as he stretches his back. “So, if you don’t want it still, I can take it out but….” Jason swallows and he’s so nervous for this. He’s wondering if you can actually hear his heartbeat. “If it happens again, just want to be able to find you.” Jason shrugs, trying to brush this off as best as he can.

You’re melting. He always wants to be able to find you. You do tend to get kidnapped and held captive. That is something that happens. But, this is actually really thoughtful and the fact it’s from him. Not Bruce having him do it. It’s Jason specifically looking out for you, no matter what. And what you don’t realize is Jason also put a lot of thought into what he would get.

He weighed a bracelet but decided that might not be good because it’ll draw attention to the ligature scars on your wrists and you don’t like when people look. And that might get in the way during a fight if you don’t have the suit on. So he thought of a ring, but that seemed too much like a promise ring and he figured that might be bad in a fight too. You could melt it when you use your powers. So, he chose a necklace because at least it’s on a thin chain that you could break or melt it if you needed to and you can put it under your clothes when you fight. It’s not too long or too short to be bothersome.

“You…you remember that?” Your brows are knitted together and Jason pays attention to everything.

“I remember everything.” Jason says softly, he’s almost completely inaudible.

You aren’t sure when it happened but right now, you’re so fucking certain that you’re so in love with him. This is the moment you’ll remember forever. Because this is the moment where you realize that every single thing that’s happened between you has lead you both here. It’s lead you here. Every piece of banter, every traumatic event, every joke and kiss and hand touch and stolen glance, everything has added up to you being in love with him. You swear you’re not sure when exactly it happened, but you know right now, that maybe you’ve always been in love with him.

And you know Jason well enough to know he would not be giving you this, of all things, if you were just friends.

“That’s…” You start, still almost in a state of disbelief.

“Lame, right?” Jason chuckles, his cheeks turning a bright red and he can feel the heat across his face. He’s starting to regret it because it seems a little cringey now. Maybe a little invasive to not have asked first. But you mean the world to him.

“No.” You shake your head. “Really fucking nice of you, Jay. I don’t mind you coming to find me.” Your brows are still knitted together and Jason’s never seen this expression before. He can’t even make out the emotion you’re showing. But it’s soft and you look like you might cry, like you adore him.

The corner of Jason’s mouth twitches up. “You sure?” That burning feeling is back in his chest and his knees are little weak but he feels so happy and accepted. He’s starting to know what that feeling is right about now.

“You can always come find me.” You walk up to him and wrap your arms around his neck and Jason’s hands immediately come to your hips as if they were almost meant to rest there. He gives you a light squeeze. “I’ll do the same for you.”

Jason feels the relief fill his bones as he grins at you before closing the distance between you, lifting your chin to kiss you. He knows what the feeling is. He knows and for once, he’s choosing to accept it because he thinks, maybe that’s the expression on your face.

He hopes, that’s the expression on your face.

“Come on, then. Let’s get going.” Jason extends his hand for you and you take it with ease.

It's the afternoon the following day and Jason is having lunch with Molly. You had a plan with Gar for you to catch up on one of your shows through FaceTime and Jason was invited but he hasn't hung out with just Molly in a while.

Molly is sitting across from Jason as his phone vibrates on the table. There's a cheeky smile that comes to his lips when he picks it up and Molly can't help but find it amusing. Jason is someone she's known to be very good at hiding what he's feeling. He's very good at being coy, he's stoic. And he has resting bitch face which likely helps that whole thing a bit. But, she can always tell when you text him because he drops that entire act and lets a smile tug at his lips.

"How're things?" Molly asks as Jason puts the phone down.

"Fine." Jason offers and easy shrug. "You?" Jason takes a sip of his water.

"Yeah, I'm good." Molly laughs softly as his phone vibrates again. There's that smile again and Molly has never seen him look so at ease. "It's her, right?"

"What?" Jason looks over his phone, pausing mid-text.

"Who you're texting." Molly teases.

"How the fuck did you know that?" Jason narrows his eyes at her.

"You get a look." Molly chuckles, taking a bite of her food.

"The fuck I do."

"You do," Molly rolls her eyes as Jason finishes the text.

She swears she loves her friends but you're both so frustrating sometimes. You're both emotionally composited to the point it's almost painful to watch. You both think everyone around you is completely oblivious. Molly notices how you look at each other and how you hold hands. She's spotted Jason's hand on your thigh when you’re hanging out and the way you both look so relaxed around each other. She's seen you almost kiss him.

"What's going on with you guys?" Molly asks knowing full well she's going to get some bullshit answer because it's Jason.

"What do you mean?" He shrugs the question off but if he wanted to tell her, he wouldn't know how or how to even answer. He doesn't know. Friends doesn't seem right anymore and it hasn't for a long time.

"I mean, like...there's something going on, isn't there?"

Jason shakes his head anyway because you agreed to keep it between you. "Nope."

Molly's eyes narrow. "Really? So, you don't like her and she doesn't like you?"

"Nope." Jason states again. "Nothing there." The lie is rancid on his lips.

"Liar." Molly calls his bluff.

"I'm not lying, we're friends, Molly. She doesn't like me that way and neither do I. You're imagining shit."

Molly rolls her eyes and Jason is full of shit half the time but she swears that's the biggest lie he's ever told her. "You know it's you, right?" Molly asks and if you're both gonna be oblivious, she's gonna spell it out.

It's painful to watch you two. It is very obvious you like each other and there is something there. You told Molly some of the stuff that happened in San Francisco and how Jason and Gar were the people that were there for you. You explained you liked Gar but you were better as friends but in your story, Molly never got the impression you liked Gar at any point, it always came back to Jason. It has always been him. Even if you're both oblivious to it.

And Molly knows you both deserve someone who makes you both happy. The two of you make each other happy. You’ve never been open to happiness but you let yourself be happy around Jason. And Jason loves to push when people care about him but he doesn't with you. You're both messes and reckless but Molly thinks you would be good together and happy. You make each other better. It'd be a shame to watch you both throw it away because you both suck at communicating.

"What?" Jason shakes his head with the raise of his brows.

"Like you know it's you, right? She's my best friend and she told me about Gar. But she also told me about you. Like...it's you. And it's always been you. You thinking otherwise makes you an idiot." Molly states with the raise of her brows.

"Hey, fuck you." Jason scoffs because there's so much more to you and him than just you liking each other. That isn't the problem. "It's not like that, Molly." Jason states.

"Yeah, it is. You're both just stupid, emotionally stunted, and stubborn as hell. Seriously, it's you and she's it for you, too. You should do something about it, Jason."

Jason might be a little hopeful you may have mentioned it to her. Maybe if he had confirmation that you actually said it, he'd be okay to move forward. Maybe.

"Did she fucking say that?" Jason quips back.

Molly shrugs and she said she wouldn't tell. "You know if she did, I wouldn't be able to tell you. But I know her and I know you. So, you should do something about it."

Jason's heart deflates a little with the response even though he knows if Molly knew something for certain, she wouldn’t tell him. "You really trying to be a matchmaker all of sudden or some shit?"

"No." Molly chortles. "But you would be good together." Molly shrugs. "You're the one that wouldn't shut up about how much you missed her." Molly's eyes widen as she teases him.

"Shut the fuck up." Jason groans. "It's not like that, alright?" Jason shakes his head and he almost worries she'll figure it out if he doesn't change the subject "What about Shelia? How are things there?" Jason switches it around.

"Sure it's not. But now you know." Molly drops it because at least it's in his head now. "Messy." She laughs.

"But you're giving relationship advice?" Jason chortles. "What's going on?"

When Jason gets back to the manor, you’re in a training session with Bruce covering more things about the tech and the strategic side of things so he heads to his room. He falls back onto his bed and he lies with what Molly had to say about you.

There is a very big part of him that knows. He knows there's more between you, that's part of why he picked the symbol he did for your necklace. He knows. And that scares him. It still scares him and at this point, he thinks he'll always be afraid of everything because who, in their right mind, is afraid of someone liking them romantically? He can't help the way the feeling of being damaged carves holes right into his bones. As much as he loves to push everyone away, he's afraid that one day, with being with him, you'll finally have enough.

Being friends with benefits is one thing because it's as if there aren't as many expectations he has to meet. He can adore you from a distance without this whole commitment thing he fears so much. But, if he were to tell you how he feels about you, maybe your expectations will change. Maybe you'll expect him to be more open and honest with you about the cruelty haunting and taunting him from the shadows of his mind. Maybe you'll expect him to get better immediately because he's supposed to be happy in a relationship. Maybe you'll expect him to be happy. Maybe you'll expect him to put you first, above being Robin. All of these things, he wonders if they'll change and he knows for a fact he can't change any of them. Even if he wanted to.

So maybe you'll get tired and then you'll leave.

And he wonders then if he won't be good for you. Jason believes, wholeheartedly, you deserve every good thing this world has to offer you. You deserve to be loved and cared for. You deserve someone who can be that for you and give you everything you deserve. Jason wants to be that for you so badly it hurts. Jason has already carved out a spot in his rib cage just for you. Your name is stitched across his heart in neon lights. But, what if he can't be good enough for you anyway?

What if he can't take care of you the way you deserve because he can't be open? What if he can't take care of you because he's too damaged and too broken? What if he isn't capable of love? What if he isn't capable of that one feeling everyone else seems to have? How is he supposed to know? And that just doesn't seem fair to him.

He thinks about you and he gets this smile across his lips. His heart skips a beat and when you smile at him, he thinks he's just been struck by lightning. He'll be permanently scarred with markings made by only you and he'll cherish them in every way. Kissing you is one his favorite things and when you kiss him back, that is something Jason can't even describe because the joy he feels nearly seeps through his pores and explodes through the atmosphere around him. You make him feel alive and undamaged and unbroken but what if that's not love? How is he supposed to know when the only thing he has ever known is heartbreak and agony and suffering? Love with conditions? How is he supposed to know if he loves you unconditionally when he's never been loved that way?

And because Jason just can't get his mind to leave him alone, he wonders if he's wrong. If Molly's wrong. Maybe you’re just his friend and you're just having fun until someone worth loving comes along. Maybe that's all this to you and Jason knows the only way he could ever find out, is to just ask but he can't. So, he closes his eyes and hopes against the universe, you'd pick, too and it won't be so damn miserable and hard.

After you finish training with Bruce, you’re in your room. You peeked into Jason's room afterward and saw him asleep on his bed. You smiled softly and walked in to put a blanket over him before heading to your own room. Honestly, you’re just glad he's getting at least some sleep. It's been rough for him and you wish you knew how to help him better. But you’re glad he's getting at least a little bit of sleep.

You sit on your bed, watching a movie while you read up on some of Bruce's bad guys using the files he has. It's something you were going over today, examples of how he's taken down people like Mr. Freeze, Two-Face, and Mad Hatter. You’ve done plenty of your own research growing up, but now you have access to the actual files on them and that is interesting. Bruce said it might help later on, whenever the next one like them pops up and it's important you stay prepared. Gotham is unpredictable like a tornado in Tornado Alley in the middle of the spring. Inevitable but unpredictable.

But, your research comes to a screeching halt as Jason storms into your room, slamming the door behind him. You peak over, watching him storm to the front of your bed and start pacing.

"Um...are you okay?" You ask hesitantly knowing damn well he's not.

"Fucking Bruce!" Jason seethes, his eyes turning a bright shade of red as his voice cracks. He hates that it cracks when he's mad.

"What did he do?" You lock the tablet, resting it on your nightstand as you move to sit cross-legged and hear what happened.

"He fucking took Robin away!" Jason stops pacing, flinging his arm out as he faces you.

You shake your head in disbelief. "He what?"

"Yeah! Said I have to go see a fucking shrink and get the all-clear? Like I'm some fucking mental case!"

You’re not gonna say it. But, maybe Bruce has a point this time. Jason isn't okay and it's obvious as much as Jason tries to hide it from everyone. And Bruce is anything but oblivious. You’re kind of surprised it's taken Bruce this long to pull the plug but you also find it interesting because you know Jason won't see it the way you do. But you’re sitting here thinking maybe Bruce tried his best to wait it out and let him be Robin as long as possible, not giving up on him just yet. Jason thinks everyone gives up on him and you know this is where the conversation is going to go but the way you see it, Bruce seems to be doing everything he can not to give up on him.

"Well, I mean, Jay, you're not a mental case but maybe talking to someone will help." You offer with the scrunch of your nose, knowing he's gonna blow.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Jason scoffs and he can't believe of all people, you’re taking Bruce's side. "He's giving up on me just like everyone else! He doesn't think I'm fucking good enough!"

You scoot to the end of your bed to get closer to him because even if you agree he needs to talk to someone, he's hurt right now and he just needs someone to listen and try to help. Maybe.

"Bruce loves you like you know that, right? That's why he wants you to take a break. Asking you to take a break to take care of you is not giving up on you, Jay."

"Oh, you're taking his side now!?" His face is red as his eyes grow glossy.

The pain in his chest is almost unbearable. Robin means the world to him and he's fine. He swears he is fine. How can the people he's supposed to trust the most not see he'll be fine? That taking this away is only making everything worse?

"No, Jay." You roll your eyes as Jason paces in front of you. "I'm just saying that he loves you. Why don't you believe that?" Your voice is soft and tender, etched in hints of sadness.

"How the fuck would you know?!"

"He....like adopted you? On purpose. He is trying to protect you from getting yourself fucking killed. Which, I know you're gonna get all pissy with me for saying this, but I don't lie to you so...I kind...of...." You trail off a little gauging Jason's reaction and you can tell by the narrowing of his eyes and flaring of his nostrils he is about to blow but you continue anyway. "I...I kind of admire him for it because I mean...I couldn't convince you not to be Robin. It means too much to you and it would hurt me to take it away from you, which, it does hurt Bruce, for the record. But...."

"Yeah, keep fucking going!" Jason barks. His broken heart is shattering further into oblivion and it's not fair. "I can't fucking believe--"

"Shut up." You cut him off. "I admire him for doing it because I know I couldn't and...like...I'm scared you're gonna get yourself killed out there. I'd lose my fucking mind if you died, Jay." You let out a breath and Jason is hearing you but he doesn't want to believe it. "So, he's just doing it because he cares about you and loves you. He doesn't want you going out there and getting killed."

He's too angry to see it, to hear what you’re saying. To really hear it. Bruce loves him like a son and is taking Robin away because of that. Bruce can't let him get killed out there. And you’re agreeing with him. He's too mad to see through the red covering his eyes.

"By taking away the one thing that means everything to me! He never did that with Dick!"

He's got a thick skull. You get it. He's been through a lot but you aren't going to let him dig himself into a hole so deep he ends up suffocating himself. That's all he's doing right now. You try to reason with him, to calm him down by trying to explain Bruce's side of it but that doesn't work. The one thing that has consistently worked though, is yelling back. And at this point, seeing him like this, hurts you.

"Because Dick didn't get dropped from a skyscraper, Jason!" You yell back as if raising your voice will get through to him. "Because Dick didn't almost get fucking killed out there! You did!"

"I'm fucking fine! Bruce has almost been fucking killed but he still gets to be Batman! You were dropped from a skyscraper and he's letting you go out there! What's so fucking bad about me that he's taking it from me!?" Jason's voice cracks as he lets out this breath that stiffens the entire room. His jaw clenches and he wants to take it out on anyone that wants to argue. "It's bullshit you're fucking siding with him!"

"I'm not siding with him!" You yell back. "I'm always on your fucking side! I have been since day one, Jason! You're just pissed off and ignoring that little piece of information!" You let out a breath as you shake your head. "And there isn't anything bad about you." Your voice comes back down as you watch Jason tear himself up from the inside out.

"Yeah, you fucking are! You think I'm a mental case, too!"

You shake your head as you look to your lap, and you decide you have to call him on his shit because this is going nowhere. He needs help. "You know what your fucking problem is?" There's a bite in your voice Jason hasn't heard before.

You look back up to him because he's doing what he always does. Picking a fight and pushing back because he thinks he's the worst person to walk the face of the earth. And he's not. He could never be.

"Fucking say it." Jason scoffs and a part of him is almost getting a thrill from being right.

You’re about to give up on him, too. Everyone always does and this was just your last straw because you can't let him be fine on his own. And the other part of him, wants to completely crumble because the very idea of you throwing in the towel, is almost too much.

"You think you're hard to love. You think loving you is the worst possible thing you could ever put onto another person." You state with the quick raise of your brows.

Jason stops pacing, eying you carefully and his voice is caught in his throat. You see through him like cellophane and this is not where he saw this going.

"Yeah, and what if that's true, huh? Bruce put me on Dick and Dick put me on Bruce. Rose lied to me the whole fucking time. Clearly, it's me right?" His voice breaks and your eyes soften at him. "What's so fucking bad about me?" Jason forces the lump in his throat down as tears sting the back of his eyes.

Why does everyone pretend to love him? Why can't he just be loved for who he is? Why is there always a condition?

"Nothing." You answer softly. "Nothing, Jay. There's nothing bad about you." Your brows are furrowed as you chew the inside of your cheek.

You’re going to hunt down every single person that ever made him feel this way. They made him view himself as unloveable and broken and damaged and bruised and unworthy. They made him see himself as a walking nightmare to be around and you swear, you’re going to find them and become their worst nightmare.

"Then why do I ruin everything?" Jason asks, his voice cracking. "I push everyone away or I fuck it all up or they see through it. Like Bruce."

"You don't." You state, the candor evident in your voice. "Jay, you don't ruin everything and you don't fuck it—"

"Yeah, I do!" His teeth grit as he tries to keep the cracking to a minimum. "I fucked up at the tower and destroyed everything!"

"Jay—"

"I'm destroying everything here!"

"Jason—"

"You're gonna see through it, too! You're gonna be like everyone else because why wouldn't you?!" Jason yells at you and you know he doesn't mean it. "You already think I should see a fucking shrink! You saw how fucked up it was with Deathstroke! You're gonna fucking leave--"

"Jason!" You yell over him and you will not ever let him run these circles around himself and try to convince himself that he is this unlovable person. "Loving you is not the worst thing you could ask of someone and it's not the hardest thing for anyone to do. Loving you is the easiest thing I have ever done!" You yell and your voice hot, nearly boiling in the air around you. It's rushed and pained and strained and you freeze.

Jason freezes where he stands, eyes like a deer in headlights. He heard you. He definitely heard you right but he doesn't believe it. A part of Jason always knew because it's how you interact. It was that night with Jerry and how you almost kissed, the way you looked at him when you said you were friends like it broke a part of you to say it. It was how you were the night after with him, almost distant but unwilling to bring it up. The way you looked out for him with Deathstroke and after. When you did kiss him. It was as if you had wanted to do that your entire life. It is in everything you said to him about him being good enough to you and on the roof. But, he can't believe that because you’re just upset with him right now, right?

"What?" He asks, brows knitted together and jaw clenched, a mix of somewhere between him wanting to cry or scream. And you can see this disbelief written in the worry lines of his face.

Your eyes are just as wide because you never meant to tell him. Not now. Things have been fun and easy. Bringing this up would complicate things and he's kind of a mess right about now. But, it just came out. It's always been true and you think it's true for him, too but a part of you kind of thought you'd end up in this limbo forever. Always dodging and backing out of the conversation. But, you just rang the bell and you can't take it back. Taking it back right now would derail him further and it would make him think it wasn't true. It is. Even if this is not how you wanted to tell him. So, you commit to it on purpose this time.

"Loving you..." You suck in a shaky breath. "Is not the worst thing you could ask of someone and it's not the hardest thing for anyone to do. Loving you...." Your breath is ragged as Jason watches you with that you swear is terror. The look on his face, screaming that he is undeserving breaks this piece of your heart and you’re willing to take that piece and give it to him. He can use it as plaster, spread it thin to spread over every hole too people many people have left him with. He can use a piece of your heart to fix himself because Jason Todd is loved and always should have been "Loving you....is the easiest thing I have ever done."

Jason pauses for just a beat. He can't believe it, can't understand it, you loving him. It is unfathomable. But, his chest is thundering and aching and warm. He feels so warm even if he thinks he doesn't deserve your love or your honesty. Even if this is terrifying. He's so warm and he swears his heart has beat for you since that very first day in the training room. You smirked at him and it was like lightning struck his heart. You taunted him, played his game and no one ever wants to play his games. But, you walked in like you'd always belonged there. You walked into his heart, his heart that is normally locked with 6 deadbolts, 3 passkeys, and facial recognition. You walked in with ease and settled right in, right in the center as if you had lived there your entire life and you never even knew.

You stand up and your hands are hesitant as they come to cup his face. You’re committing to it now. You told him with Deathstroke that one day, you'd commit to his little game and you would win because he wouldn't know what to do. This is not a game, it was never a game. But, the thought is confirmed because he's almost completely frozen in place, watching you carefully but he doesn't back away from you. The second your hands touch him, you see this flash of ease cross over his eyes.

"Jay," Your voice cracks and there's a fear in your eyes, too so Jason brings his hands to your hips, allowing his brows to furrow and waiting for you finish. "You mean everything to me." It's like Jason's been kicked in the chest, his brain short-circuits and he can't breathe. He's so in love with you. "I love--" Jason cuts you off, yanking you closer to him, digging his fingertips in your hips and colliding his lips to yours.

The kiss sucks the air of out your lungs and it's like vertigo all over again. You spin and spin, feeling like gravity has finally seized to exist. The thunder in your chest roars louder than it ever has before and your world comes to a complete stop just as it did all those months ago when you kissed him the first time. He's like magic and all you want to do is stand here like this forever, your mouth moving with his while his hands fingertips dig so hard into your hips, you know you'll have bruises tomorrow.

And Jason finally feels like he can breathe. You kiss him all the time but this time, it's because you love him. And he can feel you smile against him and the world just stops. Everything is silent while the burning in his chest amplifies and his knees grow weak and he's realizing, maybe he does know what that feeling has been all along. He is never alone with you and you love him. It is equally terrifying as it is comforting. He's terrified of you in the most thrilling way. It's like his heart was meant to be beating for you this whole time. But then you pull away.

Your brows are knitted together as your hand comes up to his face, resting on his cheek. His cheeks are flushed, the pink trailing down to his neck. His pupils are blown and he looks fragile but steady. Your thumb rubs over his skin, it's warm and soft under your touch. Jason's eyes dart all of your face, constantly coming back to your lips. He wants to dive right back in and never get up for air.

"Jay?" You call and your voice sounds desperate, scared. "I have to know." You swallow thickly, the words bitter on your tongue. You don't want to ask. You want to avoid it. But, if you do, it'll hurt all the same if he runs again. "We doing this for real this time?"

His grip loosens just slightly and he feels like he's being thrown into the ground. The wind is knocked out of him and he isn't sure how he's supposed to respond. He wants you. Every second of every day, it's you and it's always been you. It always should have been you. He wants to do this and you love him and he loves you. It's hard though and the words stick to his tongue like tar, sealing his mouth shut while his jaw squares. And you can see that internal struggle across his face.

"I love you." You state and Jason nearly lets out a whine, his eyes glassing over. Your voice is tender and the very corner of your mouth tugs up into the sweetest smile Jason has ever witnessed.

Jason Todd thinks he's so hard to love and you wake up every single day, completely and solely in love with him. It's so easy it feels like breathing. Falling in love with him was accidental and you don't even know when it happened. A part of you believes maybe it happened that first day because he was charming and cute, he had danger about him and he commanded the room's attention in a way you’ve never seen before. You think maybe it was the day you shared your trauma because he was more than a charming boy with pretty green eyes. He was a person, with a past and baggage who never judged you for yours. And you think maybe it was the day he went with you when you beat up Jerry because it was the nicest thing someone has ever done for you. Or maybe it was Deathstroke. You don't t know when you fell in love with him but it doesn’t really matter because the whole point is that it’s him. And you avoided it for too long.

It was easier to avoid it but since arriving in Gotham, you’ve made the active decision to be in love with him, no matter what. Loving him is easy but it's bigger than that because you’re so good at running, you could run. You could run and live with yourself. But you don't. Every day you wake up and you choose to love him. You choose to stay, you choose the game of chicken, you choose to care for him and to take care of him and you choose friends with benefits. Every day you love him on purpose. You choose him. As it always should have been.

"You and me?" Jason manages to get out and the three other words are still stuck, poking his mind and taunting him. They just won't come out.

He hates that the words stick like tar in his throat. He hates that they're suffocating because he wants to say it back but it's so hard. It's so hard despite the fact that you make it easy to love you. It's hard for him because of his own personal war against himself. Jason Todd is his own worst enemy and he hates that part of himself. He wants to tell you that he's been in love with you this whole time so bad it feels like the words are clawing their way up the back of his throat and scratching it raw.

Jason, like you, isn't entirely sure when he fell in love with you. But, he thinks maybe it was that day you shared your trauma in the training room. It wasn't because you shared the same baggage. It wasn't because you played his game. It's because you plopped right now and spilled your trauma to him with a causality that felt so comfortable. He was the first person you told and he felt important in that moment. And you were the only person to ever understand his trauma and not have a single judgmental word to say about it. You sat down on that floor that day and chose to be Jason's favorite person. You sat on that floor that day and gave him the one thing he'd always wanted. To be heard, seen, understood, for who he is and not his mistakes. You gave him the care he always wanted right there that day.

"You and me, always." You offer him a tender smile. "You don't have to say it. I already know." The smile is so soft and loving and Jason nearly explodes. His entire body is on fire with adoration. He doesn't deserve to be so lucky but for this exact moment, he decides to let himself be lucky.

"Fuck," He groans and he pulls you into him again, his right hand coming up to the back of your head as he kisses you. Your nails dig into his back and Jason pushes you forward, the back of your legs hitting the bedframe while you both topple over. "I love you." Jason finally gets the words out. They're groveled and broken, but taste sweet. Your heart bursts and Jason feels you smile against him so wide that the kiss almost breaks.

You slide your hands under his shirt, feeling his warm and toned skin under your fingertips. Electricity shoots through Jason's spine and he groans with your touch. You’re everything he has ever wanted and swore he would never deserve. But right now, you’re in love with him and you’re his. After everything you’ve ever been through together, you’re his and he is so in love with you.

The unfiltered and uncontrolled fire that burned his marrow to ash becomes controllable above you. The fire rages on but it's something that doesn't hurt or burn, but makes him feel alive again. It burns away the hurt and the feeling of betrayal from Bruce. Because even though he knows he's going to be hurt and angry about it for a long time, at least he finally has you. The one person who sides with and never gives up on him, no matter what. Even when he knows you should. You’re the only person who ever understood him and shows him love without conditions. You show him what it's like to be loved on purpose.

You kiss him with a smile and you can feel him smiling back, teeth clacking together. You move away from his mouth and takes one hand, tilting his head to the side as you kiss his cheek. Jason's stomach twists and slips right upside down. His head spins and he aches in a way that has never felt more comfortable. You kiss his cheek so softly, he barely even feels it. If it were for the goosebumps you left in your wake, he thinks he'd have missed it. You place gentle kiss after gentle kiss until you reach his neck. You can feel his pulse against your lips and the idea of his heartbeat makes you smile. He is alive and yours. He is finally yours and he is everything you have ever wanted in this life. And the next. And the one after.

From that first day, it has always come back to it being you and him. The late training that got busted, it was you and him because Gar never should have been involved and it wasn't because it was you and Jason who were in trouble with Dick. And that night with Jerry, it just him and you and a book. Deathstroke. The roof. The manor. It all comes back to it being him and you and you love him with everything in you. And you swear, every day for as long as you live, you'll always make sure he knows you love him. Even on good days but especially on the bad days. He will never get to second guess if he is loved again. Not if you’re still breathing oxygen into your lungs.

He makes you feel alive and whole. You have never ever felt damaged with him. Jason only ever shows you care and kindness underneath his sarcasm and witty quips. He makes you feel safe and wanted. And important. And above everything else, you have never felt happier than when he's around. He understands you and you love him and you know he loves you, too. It was always going to be the two of you at the end of it all. Even when it's hard because at the end of it, you choose each other. By accident and then on purpose.

You kiss the spot on his neck before biting down softly and Jason dips his head against your hand, a low and soft moan escaping from the very back of his throat.

Jason hears you snicker softly and he can feel your breath against his skin. It is on fire. He feels like he's being thrown right into the sun. He's never felt so alive. And you bite down again, this time a little harder and Jason thrusts his hips forward, a reflex.

He's never wanted someone more than he wants you right now. His arms are growing weak as you kiss another spot, this time right beside his shoulder. He wonders how you do it. How you get the world to just shut off for a minute. It's like you can flip a switch and the world goes quiet. Every horrible bad thought Jason has ever had with himself, runs away. It's like his own thoughts are afraid of you, like you have the power to rid them forever, extinguish them with a burning flame. He lands on the same reasoning every time: because you love him.

You kiss your way back up to his lips and you’re wearing a grin, wreaking of confidence and love. Jason's eyes flicker between your lips and your eyes, he wants to devour you. Never let you go. You drive him completely insane.

Your hands come up to his face and the smirk flips into something tender and Jason's stare matches it. He's torn between wanting to absolutely lose it, let the feral side of him run off and the other wants to try and care for you the way you do for him. Slow, steady and cautious, ever hesitant to make sure you don't run off. He'd chase after you if you ever did and Jason doesn't chase people.

Jason slides his hand from your waist to the side of your face. You turn your head, kissing the palm of his hand and it's rough. You wish he didn't have to use his fists so much. Robin means everything to him but he deserves a break, and deserves to rest from it. He deserves for his hands to have a break, to be able to just hold a book all day. They never should have been made for violence. You look back at him and Jason rubs his thumb over your cheek.

Jason dips his head down, opposite side where his hand is. He places gentle kisses down your cheek and you’ve never had anyone treat you with such care, not like this. And you want to cry because he's everything to you and he treats you how you never thought you would be treated. He treats you how you swore you never deserved to be treated and it seems so effortless for Jason.

Jason bites down, right where your neck meets your shoulder and your eyes close, your head pushing back against the mattress. He leaves a dark mark and a toothy grin pulls at his lips because it's the physical symbol that you’re his and he is yours. He looks over you, your necklace shining against the low light of your bedroom and he's so in love it you.

In a quick motion, Jason wraps his arm around you and spins you both around, you on top of him. You let out a this laugh as your hands land on his hard chest. Jason wants to record your laugh so he can listen to it whenever he feels sad.

"Smooth." You chortle.

Jason sits up, and there's this smile you don't think you’ve ever seen on him before. It's there but it's subtle and it's so soft and welcoming. You swear if he ever gives you that smile again, the first thing you'll do it take a picture because you want to always see it on him. It is one of intent and love and happiness. It is a smile of ease.

Jason's hand comes to your cheek and he can count on one hand how many lucky decisions he's made. This is one of them. He's lucky you choose him to trust and he chose you to trust. It was a lucky decision. That one lucky decision lead him here. With you.

"Just wanted to do this." Jason chuckles, taking the hem of your shirt in his fingers and pulling it up and over your head.

You collide your mouth against his, Jason groaning as you grind down on him. And the kiss grows sloppy and desperate as your hands travel and grip over each other's bodies.

Maybe this is how it always should have been with you. Brutally honest. Neither of you are big fan of the talking shit out and being brutally honest but maybe that's how it should have been. You've always been so good about talking about your trauma with each other and telling each other what the other needs. It comes like second nature, reading the other one. But, maybe you always should have been saying those thoughts pooling at the very back of your heads because right now, you're spinning and tangled in the love the other has. Because neither of you have felt so loved and cared for and at ease with being exposed.

You both show each other every scar and terrible thing you’ve ever been through. You show each other the worst parts of yourselves and you pick each other anyway. You love each other and are there when no one else is. You get each other to talk and break and eat and calm down. You get each other as if the universe created you both for each other. It's messy and hard and complicated. It's painful sometimes and scary but it's also cathartic and healing and amazing. It's everything you both deserved. It's also easy when it's hard because it was also going to be him and you.

You’re laying on Jason's chest, running your fingers along his side gently while he's rubbing circles on your shoulder. Jason presses a kiss to the top of your head as you listen to the steady beating of his heartbeat.

"You're gonna go, right?" You ask gently, keeping your head against his chest.

"Yeah." Jason answers through a sigh. He still doesn't want to go but, it's either go or hang up Robin forever and he's not ready for that. And, if you’re telling him he should go, maybe he should listen.

"Good." A smile tugs at your lips. He needs to go.

"Bruce said she knows about us, what we do." Jason explains, looking down at you.

"Which means Bruce has probably had to see her, ya know? It's gonna be good for you."

"Didn't help before." Jason scoffs.

You look up at him with furrowed brows. "You went before?"

"When I was in Forster care." Jason shakes his head and it didn't help then.

All they ever did was throw diagnoses at him and pills. Even if the diagnoses were right, he never saw the mediation to help. His foster parents always took them before he could. The way he sees it, he hasn't needed anyone professionally or those pills, he doesn't need them now. But Jason doesn't just give up.

"That's probably because you got therapists who were overworked and shit. This one you know is good. Maybe she'll actually help." You rest your chin on his chest and Jason wonders when you became such the optimist.

"I don't know." Jason shakes his head, still rubbing circles along your back.

"I do. It'll help, Jay. At the end of the day, the only thing any of us want is for you to be okay. You'll see the shrink and she'll give you the all-clear and you'll get some damn sleep. And then you'll get Robin back." You offer him a confident smile.

Jason chuckles from under you. "Since when are you an optimist?"

"When it comes to you." You answer as if it's the easiest answer you’ve ever had.

"Thanks, babe." A tender smile tugs at his lips.

"You're welcome." You press a kiss to his chest. "Like I said, I love you."

Jason's lips curl into a smile and his heart explodes into colors of confetti. "I love you, too." Jason shifts from under you and you move so he can get up.

You watch him as he gets his clothes on, a lazy smile on your lips. Jason faces you and he gives a devious grin. You quirk a brow at him, knowing the grin always means trouble.

"I'm taking you on a date tomorrow." Jason declares, his words a little breathless as if waiting for you to take it back,

"Oh, you are?" You let out a laugh and you knew that grin was gonna mean trouble.

"That a problem?" Jason quips.

You shake your head. "No." Your smile grows wider. "Where we going?"

"Can't tell you." There's a confidence radiating off him.

"How will I know what to wear if you won't tell me?" You raise, moving to rest your head on your hand.

Jason's eyes narrow slightly, realizing you have a point. "Fine, your usual clothes are fine." Jason states and he barely knows what he wants to do but he knows for a fact, it's nothing fancy.

"Casual." You state with a nod, a teasing grin on your lips. "Bet I can figure it out."

"Nope." Jason shakes his head. "You can't."

You can read each other better than anyone. He's radiating with confidence but you heard the breathlessness in his voice and the way his eyes moved up when you asked what to wear, you know him like the back of your hand.

"Is it because you also don't know exactly what we're doing?" You offer him a cheeky laugh.

"Fuck off." Jason lets a laugh that fills the room. "I know what we're doing!" He defends with a smile so bright you think it could light up the entire solar system. You’ve never seen him like this.

He can read you, too. You think you can figure it out but he knows he is always one step ahead of you. Regardless of what you figure out, he knows you'll never figure the whole date out.

"Mhm, okay, Jay." Your cheeks are aching.

Jason closes the distance between you, pressing a quick kiss to your lips before he starts walking towards the door.

"Where are you going?" You question, turning to watch him leave.

"To plan our date." Jason offers the wiggle of his brows.

You love him and he loves you.

"Right." You let out a laugh and neither of you can actually believe this is really it. But, there is not a single ounce of doubt in either of your blood for once.

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A/n: Well, now that that’s finally happened, I can make it all go to shit now 😂 I’m so sorry in advance lol

Also, I know I’m supposed to post every week but lately that’s been hard lol so on weeks where I can’t post, do you guys want me to post a teaser for the upcoming chapter?? I used to post a teaser before every chapter for my previous series and just haven’t done it with this one much. So, if you guys would at least like a teaser on the day I’m supposed to post, I can do that!!

Tag list: @fairyofshampoo // @italiana-20 // @jasontoddsmentaldisorders // @purplerose291 // @lovelessamai  // @makaelaseresin // @lenidaslenchen // @mayfieldss  // @ghostkingblake // @im-done-with-this-im-out // @velvetskies // @lilylovelyxo // @cryinghotmess // @yesimwriting // @vivian-555 // @anthemabby // @baebeepeach // @legend-o-zelda // @harleycao // @somehow-lovable-trash  // @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx // @deyja-the-duck // @jasontoddslover //  @captainmarvels-blog // @totallynotkaibiased // @scarlovesyou​

[the12thnightproject]

Chapter 13:  Lovers and Madmen - There are an awful lot of people wandering the corridors at night, none of whom Okatsu wants to encounter... all of whom she encounters.

Mitsunari x OC; Nobunaga x Mai

Previous Chapter

Logline - In order to protect a political alliance, Katusko and Mitsunari must pretend an engagement. But this “all business” arrangement is threatened by a coup against Nobunaga… and by feelings.

Chapter CW: Gaslighting

From the Military Notes of Ishida Mitsunari…

Indirect approach – Dislocation is the aim of strategy. Direct attacks almost never work, one must first upset the enemy's equilibrium, fix weakness and attack strength, Eight rules of strategy: 1) adjust your ends to your means, 2) keep your object always in mind, 3) choose the line of the least expectation, 4) exploit the line of least resistance, 5) take the line of operations which offers the most alternatives, 6) ensure both plans and dispositions are flexible, 7) do not throw your weight into an opponent while he is on guard, 8) do not renew an attack along the same lines if an attack has failed.

Personal comment: On occasion, Ieyasu has used the word ‘gullible’ in my presence. It is true that I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt when their motivations are mixed. However, it does not necessary follow that I believe there is a potion that will cause two people to fall in love with each other, for if such a thing existed, more people would employ it.

How much simpler it would be to bespell an emotion into existence.

Or, out of existence.

Five years ago, this man had tried to kill me. Now? He was smiling, unconcerned, apparently happy to see me.  Had I entered an upside-down world?

“Kaya! You’re alive! Thank the Gods!” Iekane moved to hug me, but I held out the tea tray in front of my body as a shield. Iekane looked at the tray. “Are you a maid here?”

Dressed as I was in my nightrobe under Mitsunari’s haori, I probably did look like a servant. Iekane took the tea tray and set it on a table.

As soon as my hands were free, I grabbed my knife and held in front of me. Inside my body, that cold fear had settled in my stomach, clamped around my lungs, but I refused to shiver in his presence. I might feel powerless, but I would never let him see that.

Iekane cocked his head sideways and frowned at the knife. He raised his hands, palms up, as if he were placating a small child. “Kaya, what’s all this? Don’t you remember me?” He smiled. Oh yes, I remembered that smile.

“I remember that you tried to kill me.” I willed the hand that held the dagger to stay steady. If he made one move closer, I swear I would gut him.

Luckily for him, unfortunately for me, Iekane was smart enough to stay out of my reach. “Kill you? I don’t know what you’re talking about, Kaya.” He caught my glare. “Katsuko.”

I’d alert him to my new name later. If I let him live.

Wait.

Could I kill him?

Iekane was clearly an honored guest – his room was much nicer than the one Mitsunari had been given. Somehow, he had managed to convince Mozumi that he a person of some importance. The question was not whether I could kill him (I could. Probably.), but could I get away with killing him? My assumed Oda name wouldn’t save me. Mitsunari and Mai might possibly speak up for me, but Hideyoshi wouldn’t. Mitsuhide would likely develop selective amnesia. Nobunaga would dismiss my existence as unimportant.

No, I couldn’t kill Iekane – not here anyway.

“Kill you?” He repeated it one more time into the space of our awkward silence. “I haven’t the slightest idea what you are talking about.”

“Five years ago. Warehouse.” In the face of his smiling amusement, I felt my words leaving me without editing. “You locked me in a crate and left me to die!”

Iekane’s smile faded to a look of shock. “No! No. There was no lock on that crate. You ought to have been about to get out of it without any problem. Remember, we tested it. You must have pulled it the wrong way and panicked. You always were prone to jumping to insane conclusions.” Iekane sank to his knees. “I had no idea that you thought you were locked in.”

“If that was the case, why didn’t you look for me when I didn’t signal you?” I shouldn’t believe a word out of his mouth, but his utter sincerity was making me reassess everything I had ever thought I had known about that day.

Had I simply assumed the crate was locked? Had I freaked out over nothing?

“I couldn’t. Soon after I left the warehouse, I was attacked and left for dead.” Iekane rubbed the back of his head as if remembering an injury. “When I finally regained my senses, it was weeks later. I didn’t even know where to begin to figure out where you were.”

He’d been in a coma? No. Not buying it. But others… they might. “Why didn’t you return to Aki and tell him what happened?”

He sighed and hung his head. “I was afraid he’d blame me. You and Aki were always so close – I didn’t want him to take his anger out on me.”

Plausible. Also, cowardly. But maybe more plausible because he was admitting to cowardice? I was not ready to believe him, but I needed to know what story he would be selling to others. “How did you get from near death to… who are you?”

Iekane got to his feet, then bowed deeply. “Sakai Iekane. Lord Iekane. Daimyo of Tsuruga district.”

Daimyo of Tsuruga?

Iekane was Shohime’s fiancé?

Oh God. Shohime couldn’t marry him… he’d destroy her.

If only I had asked her what her fiance’s name was! Maybe I would have written that off as a coincidence, but with Hikosane’s ‘he smiles too much,’ and Shohime’s description of ‘good looking, nice, and old.’ Yeah. I’d have put all that together and been more prepared for our inevitable meeting. “That’s a big rise. From robbery victim to Daimyo and an engagement to Mozumi’s daughter.”

“It was a stroke of luck, in fact.” Now that he was back on his feet, Iekane acted as if the matter of trying-to-kill-me had been settled. With a smile he poured a cup of tea and sipped at it delicately. “I was rescued by Sakai Tadanao. Eventually, we became … close and he adopted me. Unfortunately, he developed a sudden fatal illness last winter, and I now here I am, the new daimyo.” He gestured to his richly embroidered kimono, and I recalled how Iekane used to complain over the plainness of the uniform like outfits we had worn as Aki’s messengers.

He then sent a rather sneering look at my own clothing. “As for you, why are a maid here… or… are you here to spy for Aki?”

He shook his head sadly. “If you’re here as a spy, then you must know, I will have to turn you over to Mozumi… or perhaps even Nobunaga. I wouldn’t like to treat an old friend so… but I couldn’t possibly cover up a potential traitor.”

He leaped for something by his futon – a musket – but I got there first and kicked it out of the way. “I’m here as part of Nobunaga’s entourage, and he’s aware of my history with Aki. In any case, the visit is to enable me to spend more time with my fiancé, Ishida Mitsunari.”

He was quiet a long time, but he looked me over so intensely that I felt like he was splitting my skull open and poking around inside. Finally, he seemed to relax. “Interesting. You too have risen from your humble beginnings. And you can assure me that you no longer work for Aki in any capacity?”

“Aki objected to losing a competent messenger to marriage, however we parted on friendly terms.” It was almost frightening to me how easy the lies came to my lips. Iekane wouldn’t be familiar with this version of ‘Kaya.’ I had not been a liar when we had known each other before. But a murder attempt will bring about all sorts of new facets of a personality.

“Then I must congratulate you on your betrothal. I am relieved that you found someone willing to overlook… the… er, insanity in your family line. He is aware of that, is he not?” He picked up his teacup. “I am tempted to sit here with you and reminisce about old times. Remember whe we used to sit together at Aki’s and talk about our lives? Our pasts? It’s such a pleasure to converse with someone who knows everything about you, is it not?”

After Iekane had (possibly) tried to kill me, I spent months thinking back on our friendship – zaprudering every conversation we’d had. I’d regretted telling him about my parents (thankfully, I had kept that time travel part out of it) because our friendship had been a lie. A betrayal. Now… a new regret. It’s such a pleasure to converse with someone who knows everything about you…

He knew everything. Every weakness. Every shame.

Iekane sadly shook his head and sighed. “However, it is rather late, and you ought not be in my rooms at this time. I am sure I will be able to catch up with you later.” He slid open the door, peeked out, then gestured for me to exit.

“I need to return to my fiancé in any case. Lovely to see you again.” Although I strolled out as if I had not a worry in the world, I could not reach the door fast enough for my peace of mind. I forced myself to wait until I heard the door slide shut behind me before I picked up my pace.

Could I believe him?

Should I?

And if not, then what could I do about it? The cooly placed comment about insanity in my family – well, it wasn’t true, although I imagined he could drop enough hints, with sorrowful downcast eyes to be believed anyway. He had just informed me that he had all the power in this situation. And therefore, for my own safety and the success of Mitsuhide’s current scheme, I had to at least pretend to believe that Iekane had not tried to kill me.

Until I could prove otherwise.

And damn it, he had taken my tea!

“Lady Okatsu.” That frigid tone stopped me in my tracks. I turned to see Lady Yone strolling toward me. “It’s rather late to be wandering through the corridors.”

Crap. Had she seen me leaving Iekane’s room? Was she surprised that I was wandering around, or surprised that I was still alive? Had she told Shohime about the flowers hoping that Shohime would serve it to us? Or had it simply been a joke that Shohime misunderstood?

Either way, now was not the time to question her. I just wanted to get back to my room, and wrap myself into three blankets. I wanted to stop shivering. “I got up to get a drink of water.”

“You got the water yourself? That’s rather… provincial of you. I always ask a maid or a page to get that for me.” Nothing in her voice suggested any surprise that I was still living.

“Naturally, when we are at Azuchi, that is what I do. However, Lord Nobunaga employs dozens of servants – I only have to blink and they come running. But since we are from home, I didn’t want to cause extra work for your staff. The few that I see seem terribly busy already.” There take that, Lady. I added a few innocent blinks and pretended that I had not just insulted her household and implied that they couldn’t afford to hire enough help. With another smile, I bowed to her, and took myself off. After running into Iekane, I didn’t the energy for protracted battle of polite insults with Lady Yone, or-

“Okatsu is there a reason you’re wandering around at night, dressed like that?”

-another late-night chat with Hideyoshi. Does he ever sleep?

I froze. Turned. Offered him a bow as well. “Just getting a drink of water. I’m going back to my room right now. Have a good night, Lord Hideyoshi.” I whirled and started to hurry away.

“Don’t run.” There was, as usual, impatience in his tone, and I turned around to look at him, his eyebrows were already in that deep V in the center of his forehead.

Although I shouldn’t have done it, the events of this evening had already put my mood on edge. “Lord Hideyoshi, when I went to the kitchens, there was an odd man talking with the maids. Perhaps you ought to go check things out.”

If it were at all possible, the frown deepened. “Thank you. I will do that.” He strode away, haori flapping in the breeze. Good. Let him and Mitsuhide annoy each other for the rest of the night. Someone ought to give a so-called love potion to them. It would make everyone’s lives easier.

Meanwhile, poison disaster averted. Love potion was… probably … just water. Iekane… he was still a problem… but I would do my best to stay far enough away from him… except… now that I knew who Shohime was engaged to, I felt a lot more inclined to help her.

Deep breaths. I was going back to the room now, where the sweet and uncomplicated presence of Mitsunari waited for me. I almost wanted to hug him. Not from any love potion. Just. Relief.

Everything will be fine.

Everything will be fine.

That mantra lasted until I returned to the room and discovered that Mitsunari, who was deeply engrossed in a book, had accidentally, or perhaps absently drunk the rest of the tea, which may or may not have contained a love potion, and that… I really didn’t remember leaving that close to him.

“Mitsunari!” He jumped. I had yelled more than loud enough to attract his attention. He looked at me and smiled, that beautiful smile that I was not at all going to be distracted by right now. “Did you drink that tea?”

He glanced at the cup. “I suppose I did?” It was half a statement, half a question. He looked back at me and tilted his head slightly. “Okatsu, that haori looks very nice on you. Is it new?”

“It’s yours.” I might… possibly have been gritting my teeth.

“I like you in my clothing.” He smiled again. “I like you not in my clothing too.”

Did he really just…? Dammit maybe that truly was a love potion.

“Um, thank you.” Once again, I wished I had the tea pot with me, to both replace the cursed tea, and to give me something to do with my hands. Instead, I reached for my abandoned comb, intent on putting it away.

Mitsunari reached for it at the same time, and our fingers touched, his overlapping mine. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t pull my hand back. Mitsunari moved one figure across mine, a light, fleeting touch that skittered all the way up my arm faster than that skittering spider had the other day.

“I like your hands too, Okatsu.” He closed my fingers over the comb, his eyes never leaving mine. “Strong and pretty. Like you.”

“Stop! Please. Look, if that really was a love potion, I’m sure it will wear off by morning, and then you’ll feel really embarrassed about everything you just said or might say.” And even if it didn’t, I couldn’t let myself get too used to the pretty words or the look in his eyes. I had been distracted by pretty words in the past; it had nearly gotten me killed.

And… I was going back to Aki by the end of the summer.

I carefully folded up his haori, put it away, then got into bed. I turned my face to the wall.

“What if it wasn’t the potion?” His words floated over to me and covered me like a blanket. “I can simply like you for yourself. Can you accept that?”

“It’s the power of suggestion. The fact that you thought it was a love potion put that idea in your head. They call it the placebo effect. It isn’t real. I’m not real. Remember, I’m not an Oda Princess. These are not my clothes. Everything you think you like about me is just a costume.”

Okatsu isn’t even my name.

And Iekane can blow my entire life out of the water with one single phrase. Her mother was insane.

I put my arm over my eyes to blot out the lantern light and drew up the covers. I was still cold. Maybe I would never feel warm again. Was it this castle? Or just me?

@bestbryn @lorei-writes @lyds323 @katriniac @briars7

[musical-shit-show]

I'm so sorry that i mixed up the characters 😅

Can you do Prompt list 1 , #14 for Peter Parker x reader

Can you also add , that Peter keeps randomly biting Reader's cheeks ( coz reader has fluffy cheeks)?

I'm sorry again for the mix up!

love bites

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Inspiration: Prompt #14 (“when i’m not with you, it’s almost like…i can’t breathe.”) from Prompt List #1

Warnings: cursing, blood mention, suggestive dialogue, a tiny bit of angst, fluff

Word Count: 1,811

Author’s Note: Thanks for your request! I hope you don’t mind, but I did change up your request a little better to fit the story that popped into my head. That being said, I had a lot of fun writing for Peter. I don’t know why, but I thought of the Andrew Garfield version, but I’m still gonna log this as MCU content lol. I just pictured a more mature Peter which we haven’t really seen as much, but I guess since he was in No Way Home, that counts, right? Anyways, check out my Masterlist, About Me page, and Prompt Lists! And if you’d like to request a one shot, send an ask! I’ll do my best to fulfill them as soon as I can. Thanks for the support and happy reading!

“Do you want me to burn your eggs, Parker? Because I definitely will if you don’t leave me alone.”

“I’ll take that risk,” he purred, his stubble brushing against your cheek as he kissed it playfully. You shrugged him off of you, using your other arm to scoop the scrambled eggs onto dual plates that were already adorned with toast and bacon.

You didn’t know when you fell in love with Peter Parker. Maybe it was freshman year, when you offered to help the moody science major with his literature paper.

Maybe it was when you ran into him at the Bugle, where you two just so happened to be interning.

Or maybe it was right in that moment, when you wanted to tell him that you wanted to be so much more than friends with benefits.

You both stood in the kitchen of his apartment, which was tiny even by New York standards. Eating in silence for a few moments, you let the noises of the city drown out your thoughts. No matter how much you wanted to tell him, Peter wasn’t exactly boyfriend material.

He was gorgeous, yes, and undeniably sweet. But he was always disappearing, skipping important events and ditching you pretty frequently. Since this was a ‘no strings attached’ situation, you tried to not let yourself getting too upset.

But inwardly, you had a terrible feeling he was getting himself in trouble or worse, seeing someone else. You figured it was the former, since he would appear with mysterious bruises and black eyes, always blaming them on skateboard tricks gone awry.

“So,” you said, washing off your plate as Peter finished his last piece of toast, “Will I be seeing you at the office this afternoon?”

He shrugged, handing his plate to you. “If I get any good photos. Jameson is always breathing down my neck, so…”

“Right,” you said, turning to him, coffee in hand, “And it doesn’t help that you always flirt with the intern.”

“Well, I can’t help it,” he smirked, “She’s always staring at me.” He grabbed your coffee mug from your hands and before you could protest, he was again peppering your collarbone and cheeks with soft kisses.

A giggle escaped your throat as he started nipping at your skin. As much as you wanted to blow off your busy day and stay in bed with him, you had to remind yourself that you lived in the real world.

And in the real world, you had to go to class, and study, and work. And Peter Parker was not your boyfriend.

“Peter, if you give me one more hickey I swear—”

“Ah, come on,” he wrapped one arm around your waist, making your stomach flip, “I didn’t mean to, honest.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Somehow, I don’t believe you,” you pried his strong arm away from your torso, “But it doesn’t matter, I have to get to class, remember?” Peter groaned in frustration.

You traipsed to his room, pulling on your jeans from the night before. Rifling through Peter’s drawers, you found an old Midtown High t-shirt. You smiled. It smelled like him, his deodorant and body spray; Clean and simple.

Simple.

How you wished it could just be simple.

“That looks much better on you than it did on me,” he smiled into his mug, remarking on you commandeering his shirt. You searched the floor for your sneakers, doing your best to hide the blush creeping up your neck.

The second you slipped on your other shoe, you felt Peter’s arm around your waist yet again. How did he always manage to get his hands on your so quickly? Sometimes you felt like he moved like lightning.

“So, my place tonight?” you asked, electricity running through you as his fingers pressed gently along the waistband of your jeans. It was almost embarrassing how much you wanted to be with him, and yet he remained completely oblivious.

“Possibly,” he said, his tone reluctant, “I just…I really need to study and get these pictures and—”

“I thought you were friends with Spider-Man,” you mused, “Can’t you just ask him to do you a solid?”

Peter’s face reddened. “Yeah, well, don’t know if you noticed but the guy is notoriously hard to, uh, track down.” He looked at his watch and peered at you, a slight panic in his eyes. “Aren’t you supposed to be somewhere, anyways?”

You grabbed his wrist to look at the time on his watch.

“Shit,” you muttered, pulling away from him as you scooped up your backpack, “I can’t be late again, I’ll uh, I’ll text you?”

Peter nodded as you bound out the door, breathing a sigh of relief after yet another close call.

He wanted to tell you. He really did. It killed him that you didn’t know, but he couldn’t risk it. You knowing he was Spider-Man put your life in danger and he couldn’t bear the thought of you in harm’s way.

He just couldn’t go through that again. No matter how much he cared about you.

-oOo-

You should’ve known better.

You had spent the entire afternoon agonizing over your lack of a relationship that you found your way into Peter’s apartment that evening, thanks to a spare key that he had conveniently left at your apartment months ago.

You needed something big, an unambiguous statement. A grand gesture. So, you came with a bag of groceries, a slightly too revealing dress, and a goal: you were going to tell him how you felt.

Not only were you attempting the impossible – cooking a meal without burning anything – but you were also putting your heart on the line.

You let out a cry of pain as you burnt the tip of another one of your fingers lighting the final candle you had managed to bring with you. You watched the flame flicker weakly before growing steady, the constant sound of the city droning beneath you.

Impatient, you wondered if you should text Peter. Yes, it was supposed to be a surprise, but you could spin this if it backfired. After all, what was a little romantic dinner between fuck buddies?

Your thoughts were interrupted by a loud bang, followed by the sound of Peter’s bedroom window sliding open.

Instantly your heart was caught in your throat.

How were you supposed to fight off a burglar dressed like a glorified escort? You glanced at the candles briefly, but settled on grabbing the kitchen knife you had used to prepare the mediocre dinner that was still resting on the stovetop.

Who in their right mind would want to rob this tiny place? And why would they go through the trouble of climbing seven stories up the fire escape?

Another clatter made you jolt out of your skin, and you finally got up the nerve to run into the room, knife in hand. Planning was never your strong suit, after all.

Only there was no burglar.

It was Peter. Climbing through his own window.

Dressed as Spider-Man.

Your jaw dropped open, the knife clattering to the floor. Before you could say a word or even let out a scream of surprise, Peter rushed to you, holding his gloved hand over your mouth. His mask laid on the ground.

“What…what are you doing here?!” he asked, his voice panicked. He quickly removed his hand from your face. “God, I knew something was out of whack when I got here, I just didn’t think—” He was running his fingers through his hair now, his breathing shallow.

You got another look at him, your eyes widening in concern. “Peter, your face!” a sizable shiner was forming around his left eye, and there was a small trickle of blood coming from the same side.

“Oh, this is, uh, nothing,” he said coyly, “You shoulda seen the other guys.” You rolled your eyes; Of course he was making jokes at a time like this.

“Get some real clothes on,” you breathed, looking at his red and blue suit that left little to the imagination, “I’ll get the first aid kit.”

-oOo-

“Hold still,” you ordered, pressing the cotton cloth to Peter’s face. He winced, the alcohol stinging his wounds.

“No bedside manner from you, huh?” he hissed despite a small laugh escaping his throat. You sat in silence for a few moments, a million thoughts swirling through your head.

Peter was Spider-Man. Peter was Spider-Man.

Which meant he had been blowing you off to save the city on a nightly basis. Making up excuses for why he had to disappear so abruptly. Lying to you for years.

“Were you ever going to tell me?” you asked, your voice small and sad. Peter sighed, grabbing your hand. He tried to comfort you, tracing tiny circles on your palm.

“Not if I could help it,” he said honestly, “Kind of defeats the whole ‘secret identity’ thing, doesn’t it?” You couldn’t help but let out an incredulous laugh as you sat down next to him, his firm grip not letting go of your hand.

You could feel tears stinging in your eyes. “So, uh, I guess this is over, then?” Peter blinked, clearly confused.

“What exactly gave you that impression?”

“Well, I just thought—”

“Yeah, this…this complicates things,” he said, squeezing your hand, “But I have to be honest. When I’m with you, it’s almost like…I can’t breathe. I need you. And I trust you to keep this secret. I just hope you can trust me to protect you.”

Your heart swelled in your chest, and without thinking, you threw your arms around him, tears staining his t-shirt. “Of course…I can,” you sniffed, your voice shaking, “I really, really care about you, Peter. I won’t ever tell a soul.”

He pulled you from his chest and kissed you softly. You melted instantly. This was nowhere near how you pictured this night going, but you didn’t care; it was, in its own bizarre way, utterly perfect.

“So,” you pondered, your eyes trailing towards his bedroom, “You ever wear that suit for…other purposes? Besides crime fighting?” You saw a flush creep up Peter’s neck.

“Are you serious.”

“What? You know I’ve always found Spider-Man incredibly sexy.”

“I did not know that and you’re definitely making shit up now.”

“Just because I never told you doesn’t mean I’m making it up.”

“Okay,” he smirked, his mouth dangerously close to your neck, his voice low in your ear, “I’ll make you a deal: I’ll wear the suit, but tomorrow, we have a real date where you don’t burn the food and threaten me with a knife.”

You pretended to think over his proposal. “Hmm,” you teased, “I think that can be arranged.” Those were your last words before his lips pressed against your collarbone, nipping at your exposed skin as he carried you to his room.

-------

thank you for reading! please like/comment/reblog if you enjoyed!

[possibilistfanfiction]

Just dropping by to say I really appreciate your writing. I hope you are well!

Also, I miss footy au. xD

[i swear i'm still working on it!! the last chap WILL be up for the wc lol here's a teeny bit]

//

round of sixteen

'so,' ava says, grinning from ear to ear, 'then he came up to me, with his dad, and asked if i knew how to do a wheelie in my chair.'

you can't help but smile too, as ava tells you a story of how she'd seen a little boy in a wheelchair today at target; she's been discharged from inpatient therapy, and you'd helped coordinate with dr. salvius — and ava, of course — to get her into what dr. salvius assured is the best outpatient facility in the world. ava had been grumpy when you'd both insisted that, although obviously there were so many people who were happy to keep her company and care for her — even more as the world cup goes on and teams with your friends on them are eliminated — she would benefit, at least for now, from a home nurse for a few hours each day, and a handicap-accessible van for trips to and from rehab and wherever else she wanted to go.

target, apparently, being one of them — but it had made you happier than you ever could've expected, even a year ago, to hear ava tell you about the new sheets she picked up, a cute jewelry holder she found, how her back hadn't hurt too badly and how muscular her arms are after so much time in the chair. she has months and months to go, if she ever is able to regain most of her mobility — still a big if — but she seems happy, especially on good days.

and today had been a good day: she'd, of course, showed the little boy how to do a wheelie, because of course she loves to do them, and she'd gotten burgers at her favorite brewery with dora — 'and now i get to watch you kick some absolute ass.'

your heart has been lighter as she's healed: you don't care, at all, if she plays again, only that her pain is as minimal as it can be and that, whatever her recovery looks like, it's imbued with community, and joy. that she doesn't feel alone. you nod. 'that's the goal.'

ava laughs, delighted. 'you're so stupid sometimes.'

you roll your eyes, far too fond, and lilith scoffs from next to you on the bus.

'hey lilith,' ava says, unfazed. 'when you score tonight, dedicate it to me.'

'hell will freeze over before that ever happens,' lilith responds.

'yeah, it would be a total miracle if you ever scored, that's true.'

you laugh, despite yourself, at lilith's glare.

'anyway, good luck, have fun being the second-best nine in the world.'

lilith groans but waves in the direction of your phone, and you wish, so much, that you could hear ava's silly and harmless trash talk in person, that she was standing in the tunnel on the other side, ready to walk out and play a full 90 as hard as she could. but ava's hair is clean and she even has some makeup on, and she'd made a little boy incredibly happy today, her laughter more powerful than anything.

'well, i'll let you go,' she says. 'love you, baby.'

'i love you too.'

when lilith scores — her third, a hat trick far too imposing for a knock-out stage in a world championship — she points into the camera and smiles. ava will never, ever let it go, you're already certain, but that's why you all love her anyway.

[fatalism-and-villainy]

Potage is a great episode for witnessing the cogs visibly turning in Hannibal’s head every time the camera cuts to him. Sometimes he’s just having a barrel of fun, like when he follows along with the copycat killer case, and the camera cuts to his reactions just increase the dramatic irony. But often he’s watching each situation unfold and rapidly figuring out a way to play it to his advantage, and manipulating everyone around him in the process. And the episode ends with him having everything going in his favour, and the bulk of everyone’s trust.

He continues the process of “alienating Will from Jack” (as Will himself puts it, two episodes later) in the aftermath of Will’s “it’s not smart to piss off a guy who thinks about killing people for a living” outburst with Freddie Lounds - Jack gets angry at Hannibal for “letting” Will say that, and Hannibal responds, “I trust Will to speak for himself.” Will hates being condescended to and values people who value his autonomy, so Hannibal manages to work his way further into Will's trust alongside everything else he puts into motion.

In the same scene, Hannibal takes care to validate both Alana and Jack’s perspectives in the debate over whether or not to take Abigail back to Minnesota. Jack seizes on what Hannibal says re: the benefits of taking her back, as it supports what he’s already intending to do, so Hannibal gets what he wants - a chance to test Abigail, to see how she reacts to being back at home - while also earning Jack’s good favour and, through his semblance of neutrality in the matter, avoiding alienating Alana. (And it’s Jack’s trust, and his belief in Hannibal’s capability to be objective, that leads him to send Hannibal back to the house to escort Abigail out of Minnesota - unlike Will, who Jack believes is too emotionally entangled in the whole affair - and of course this happens to put Hannibal in the perfect position to take control of the Nicholas Boyle situation.)

With Abigail, he’s lying in wait to see if she has any of her father in her, and how he might get her under his thumb if she does. And there are several moments in her interactions with Will throughout the episode where it cuts to Hannibal very closely following along. When she asks Will if killing really feels that bad even when it’s necessary, there’s a shot of Hannibal, clearly curious as to whether Will will admit to her what he admitted to Hannibal in the previous episode, that he liked killing Hobbs, before Will says “it’s the ugliest thing in the world.” Later, at the house in Minnesota, when Abigail asks Will what it felt like to pretend to be her father when profiling him, again we cut to Hannibal hanging on to every word of the exchange, wondering how much of a killer Abigail is and when and how he might bring Will into the loop with that too. (And of course, he eventually does later on the season, using Will's attachment to Abigail to swear him to secrecy on the Nicholas Boyle murder.)

It’s interesting that it’s an episode where he spends so much of the time in Minnesota being a seemingly passive observer, with the main thing he does to advance the plot - killing Marissa Schurr - happening offscreen. Until, of course, the end, when he pounces on the opportunity that Abigail’s murder of Nick Boyle presents. A situation that he thought to set up when he witnessed the whole altercation with Nick Boyle and Marissa Schurr behind the house - and he couldn’t have predicted that it would play out in exactly that way, but he was certainly hoping it would, and was ready to reap the rewards.

Anyway, it’s often mentioned that Hannibal frequently plays mental speed chess and is always modifying and reworking his plans based on the situation, and the camera work in this episode really lets you see it happening in real time.

[m0ther-of-p3arl]

soooo i'm thinking of writing an au

just gonna throw that out there so yall won't be surprised if i randomly throw a fic or seven in your faces <3

FOR REFERENCE: this is gonna be a long post of me talking about shit i wanna write, it's mostly for my future self to look back and so i have all my thoughts in one place (i'm unorganized ok) and im publishing it so it's easier to find, but this is really mostly for my personal benefit in the future but if you all find it interesting yay thats great :)

anyhow

if i /do/ write an au, and that's a big if as my irl friends know about this acc and the teasing i could endure would be /endless/, it would be:

empires s1, with maybe some traffic characters thrown in- i don't feel like wc meshes very well with empires (else i would add it), unless the witchcraft witches were like at gem's academy or s2 shubble's witch school (OOOH that's an idea in and of itself lol

probably flower husbands based, or maybe mean gills, as they're slowly clawing up my mcyt ship tierlist... i'll have to think a bit on that one, but scott will most likely be the main character, cuz he was my very very first exposure to the wonderful world of empires and mcyt in general (found him through lauren, watched ep 1 of empires s2 and was hooked)

only very loosely based on canon events, i'd more be wanting to play around with the characters. therefore, out of the 3 ideas i have (more on that in a bit) i'd be more inclined to pick the more modern-day ones- though there would be fantasy elements of course like babe its empires

i have 3 main ideas that i feel like i could use- i'll put em in a poll if yall wanna vote, more info on each of them underneath

so yeah the first two are awfully similar- the main difference being that in the first option, the characters would be teachers, and in the second, students. imma go through all these a lil more in-depth, as i have ideas for all of them and i wanna see which one you all would rather read and i shall weigh that in on which one i'll (possibly) (ALLEGEDLY) write

teachers: scott is a teacher/the headmaster (i'll decide which later) at empires university (PLACEHOLDER NAME i swear i will come up with a better one) (probably) and jimmy is a new teacher who's just come onto the scene. he continually messes things up and scott is fed up with him and so they have a CHAT but obviously scott is traumatized by something in his past probably xornoth related or relating to one of the death games (life series) and jimmy is just CUTE but scott doesn't realize it and scott goes on being dumb about it and there is ANGST and such

students: basically the same general plot, but scott lives with horrible parents and jimmy becomes a reprieve and they become like best friends but they both have a secret crush on eachother (like in trust au omdsfksjdlkf go read it right now stop reading this rambling post and go read trust au SO GOOD SLDKFJ its by @/thetomorrowshow) and eventually scott is living at jimmy's house full time (jimmy has a cod tank in his room bc ofc) and then stuff happens heehhehehe no spoilers but again: ANGST

the main deal with these is there's ANGST (but also fluff because the two go hand in hand)

war: this is the main different one sooo it's set in the original empires world, but the cod empire and rivendell have been at war for decades and scott and jimmy hate each other but THEN they like meet one day and neither realizes who the other is until too late because they've never seen each other in real life and it's blasphemy and they like each other and all that yadayadayada ANGST

ummmmm anyway that's my fucking long rambling post done good graciousness this is the longest post i've ever done- anyway let me know (or don't, again, for my personal benefit) which one you would rather read and if any of them sound engaging at all- personally, i'm leaning towards students or war over teachers, i was full-in students but now i have so many great ideas for the war one- god i'm so messed up

that will be all

farewell

[deadmomjokes]

My brain’s tendency to go from an initial idea to something totally different and wildly off-the-rails of the initial scope and premise is both baffling and hilarious. And I swear, it happens every time I try to write something, outline or not.

Pulpy noir murder mystery one-shot but make it urban fantasy >>> dramatic irony laced howdunnit about the saving power of love as a deliberate action and breaking the cycle of apathy by choosing to care, ft double romantic subplots, Southern Gothic Horror but make it magical realism, elves as monstrous instead of ethereal, #acab; wait how did YOU become a main character, you little one-off exposition machine with a placeholder name? guess you need your own set of books now and oops I think I just created a Literary Universe

Chilling backstory of ruthless, manipulative villain from the above >>> Big Gay Tragedy, hero’s fall from grace wherein an angry asexual becomes a literal nightmare monster to save his marginalized people and his BonesMcCoy-knockoff boyfriend, functional commentary on how working within existing power structures to affect change frequently leaves the marginalized in a catch-22 of performative worthiness designed to maintain status quo for those benefiting from the current power dynamic; villain has evolved into tragic Anti-villain/Anti-hero, update initial project to reflect shift, GOSH DARN IT that’s another book we have to add at least

Three immortals hanging out in a cabin in the woods accidentally get found out and have to convince their discoverer not to turn them in to the government >>> depressed and compassion-fatigued immortal wakes up in the middle of his own autopsy, has to convince his coroner and himself both that life might be okay actually, complicated by the fact that he’s accidentally party to kidnapping said coroner, who is definitely having the Worst Day of Her Life but handling it surprisingly well for someone running on caffeine, spite, and the Hippocratic oath

Steampunk Sherlock Holmes but make it a magical realism fantasy roadtrip >>> ... actually that one is basically still the same nvm

Cars, but make it people >>> Oh hey turns out that’s a thing already and Cars is based on a 90s movie that’s based on an obscure book; who knew! anyway >>> anti-imperialist ecopunk Weird West middle-fantasy, once again about the choice to care for others over the convenience of neutrality and safety of apathy (not that I have some strongly held thematic opinions or anything)

Short story written to-market for a SFF magazine competition, maybe drop some allusions/analogs to current world events to make it *~Timely and Relatable~* (I really want to win this thing, I need money, I’m a shameless sellout) >>> Does the end really justify the means, or do the means determine the end? If saving one person means killing five more, is it worth it? If that one person could save ten more, would your answer change? Does that change who you thought you were? Is there ever a right answer to the question of who deserves to live? Is true pacifism even an option in a world where violence is also an option? Oh yeah and some contemporary fantasy I guess, just slap some pointy ears on those dudes or something

Basically what I’m saying is that sometimes your heart knows better than your brain, and you should never be afraid to play around and just Go For It because some of your best ideas may come from asking “What if” about 37 times in the course of a single outline point, and so what if it ends up totally different than your initial starting point, the joy is in the journey, right?

Also you never come up with a plot resolution as perfect as “dying girl tries to stab a demigod with a borrowed demon sword on behalf of an undead terrorist, demigod proceeds to pat her on the head, give her a shiny new powerup that may or may not be cursed, and scoop everyone up in a cup & dump them outside like an unwelcome but ultimately harmless spider”* on purpose, that stuff either comes to you in dreams or at 11pm on a weeknight while attempting a sleep-deprived writing challenge that forcibly shuts off your inhibitions.

Aka, let yourself be weird, it works out way better than you think.

*Yes that is a legitimate plot point I am using in one of my novels. I had agonized over how to solve the corner I’d written myself into for months before the “screw it, idc anymore” kicked in, whereupon this brilliant solution immediately asserted itself like I hadn’t brought myself to tears trying to work it out logically.

[pickledpascal]

You're Not Alone in This World

Chapter Nine

Warnings: swearing, our girl is BURNT OUT, a bit of jealousy, typical gavin moment, im sorry if you came here for accurate Greek mythology it's nowhere to be seen here, incorrect rituals.

Word Count: 3.6k

You're Not Alone in This World Masterlist

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[Hello, Connor. I was wondering when you or Lieutenant Cartier would contact me about these murders. I'd be happy to help in any way I can. I will be free around 2:30 pm today. Notify me if Lieutenant Cartier is coming. I hope to see you and her under less dire circumstances sometime soon. — Markus]

Message received…

Connor's eyes blinked open as he exited stasis. Markus' message popped up in the corner of his vision. He ran a hand through his hair as he watched Andrea's breathing. For a God, she sure slept a lot. He'd seen her sleep before, mostly due to overworking herself, but to see her like this in the comfort of her own home… it felt different. Solidifying. That's what Connor wanted.

Andrea yawned, pulling Connor from his thoughts as she rubbed her tired eyes. She glanced at him as he stared, eyes tracing over her freckles. "Markus responded to my message. He said he is free to talk around 2:30 pm."

"It's way too fucking early to talk about that." Andrea pursed her lips as she left the room. Connor quickly followed, trying to smooth out his wrinkled shirt.

She got some coffee started and decided frozen waffles were the way to go. Andrea couldn't bother with making her own food. She had a feeling today would be like the day before. Hard. Draining. Sometimes, quitting her job sounded like a great idea. She could simply focus on doing whatever she wanted but she knew the guilt would eventually eat away at her for doing nothing. The Goddess of Justice couldn't just stand idly by while the world went to shit. She wouldn't be the Goddess of Justice anymore.

"Do you eat those on a daily basis?" Connor asked. He'd already analyzed the calorie count, it wasn't bad, but it screamed more of a 'depression meal' than anything else.

Both unhealthy. One arguably worse than the other.

Andrea shrugged. "Nah. Only when I'm too tired to cook." While that was mostly true, sometimes she also craved waffles. Something about how artificial they were did something to her brain chemistry. It was likely bad. She didn't find it in herself to care.

"Oh." Connor paused, unsure what to do. Exploring Andrea's home sounded nice but he wasn't sure how she'd feel about him looking around her stuff. Hank had expressed it was 'weird' and 'creepy' when he went through his things.

Grabbing a plate, Andrea took a few bites from her waffles using her hands. They were still hot from the toaster but she was able to bear it. Perhaps not the most proper way to eat but it got the job done. She knew she'd probably go to that one coffee shop on her way to the station anyway. A cheese danish sounded absolutely divine.

Connor spoke up after a while, waiting until Andrea was done with her meal. "Will you see Markus with Nines?"

Andrea cocked an eyebrow at that. Of course she would. Nines was her partner after all. Unless he was asking if she planned on going by herself. "Yes. Plus I'm sure Nines would benefit from brotherly time with Markus." She shrugged. She realized Connor might too. "Why? You wanna come with?"

He wasn't sure why but it was hard to tell the truth. To tell it without feeling some semblance of shame. He wanted to accompany Andrea everywhere. Just in case something happened. She was quite capable of handling herself, Connor knew that. But he couldn't help the fear. Giving himself away, his LED spun yellow.

Andrea set her dish in the sink and cocked an eyebrow at his LED. "You want to get freshened up?" She asked, noticing his wrinkled button up and his messy hair. She knew Connor took pride in how he presented himself. The most dressed down she's ever seen him was a nicely crocheted short-sleeve sweater.

Apparently it was some sort of "android independence" gift Hank gave him a few weeks after he deviated. Andrea could tell Hank didn't make it. Crocheting was for people with patience. A virtue Hank didn't have.

The android glanced down at his clothes and gave Andrea an appreciative smile. He retreated into her bedroom, the door closing behind him. Andrea watched Connor leave with an eyebrow raised. She then looked down at her floorboards as she took a breath. Yeah, she could already feel today was going to be something. Not sure if it was a good or bad something yet.

—---

The couple made their way to the station, stopping by the cafe Andrea liked on the way there. Unbeknownst to Andrea, Connor had already paid for everything while she ordered. Wonders of technology. He could access a register by a simple look. She thanked him before taking a sip of her coffee when he told her.

Nines seemed to be an early riser as he was there far earlier than the rest of the precinct. Including Captain Fowler. He was poised at his desk, presumably looking through the pictures taken at yesterday's crime scene. Andrea set her coffee on her desk with a sigh. "Markus isn't free until 2:30 and it's only…" She glanced down at her watch.

"It's currently 9:45 am." Connor finished with an added smile.

Nines looked up at the couple and raised an eyebrow before he looked back at his work. "Your coffee is cooling. I'd suggest drinking it before we may have to go to any more unsavory crime scenes."

Connor and Andrea shared a look. The lieutenant kissed his cheek, his LED blinked pink for just a moment, and sat down to get to work on whatever she was recently assigned. She was sure Hank would come in soon, he'd gotten into the habit of coming in early ever since Connor started living with him. Andrea pulled up a few documents on her terminal and looked through them. Some were regarding Scarlett and her murder, others were more trivial stuff. Like arrests, reports, and updates on her own documents.

She glanced up at Nines. She'd have to fill him out as her partner from now on. It was… interesting to have a partner after going so long without one. Andrea just kind of assumed she'd third wheel with Connor and Hank and make their duo a trio but it seemed fate had other plans.

Other officers started to fill in more towards ten, including Hank. "I didn't realize you'd be staying over." He teased once he saw Connor.

"If you're implying what I believe you're implying… nothing happened." Connor immediately responded, crossing his arms. He almost seemed disappointed. Like their roles were reversed for a moment and he was the disapproving father and Hank was the rebellious child.

"Ah, but you wanted it to, didn't you?" Hank chuckled.

Connor's eyes darted away, "I wouldn't say that…" He watched as Andrea and Nines talked. The pair were already in full on "detective mode." Fair, considering the predicament they were in. The first high profile android killers were on the loose. Connor couldn't help but feel conflicted.

Of course he was happy Nines was here, a brother he'd hopefully be able to interact with far more than Markus. However, Connor wasn't sure he liked the fact that Nines was Andrea's partner. Solving cases with Andrea seemed like Heaven in Connor's eyes. Talk about possible motives, lean on each other all day, bounce ideas off each other…. His LED blinked yellow. He already did that kind of stuff with Andrea. Perhaps he felt it wouldn't happen as often since she had Nines.

Gavin suddenly decided it was the best time to show up. He casually walked in, glancing at Connor with disdain before he realized there just so happened to be another android sitting right in front of Andrea.

"Something about plastic you really love, don't you?" He put his hands on Andrea's desk and cocked an eyebrow at her.

Andrea glanced at Gavin with narrowed eyes and rose from her seat. She towered over him. "Yes. It's the fact that they are absolutely nothing like you." Her stare could cut through metal. Connor would hate to be on the receiving end of her wrath. "You're a sad little human to be projecting your own insecurities on others. Now go sit. Down."

Detective Reed held her stare for a few more seconds before he retreated. Another disciplinary complaint on his record wouldn't be good. Especially coming from one of their most highly decorated lieutenants. Hank he could care less about.

Nines stared at Andrea, LED whirring yellow. He's only been alive a few weeks, in those few weeks there's been a handful of times he's been around humans. Most stared at him. He could tell they were unsavory. He's never had anyone stand up for him, especially if they had said anything. Nines could understand why Connor liked her so much. She cared for all living things, organic or not.

Letting out a breath, Andrea downed the rest of her coffee. The frustration was getting to her. Eating away until she exploded. Hopefully it was on Gavin again because no one really cared if she used him as a punching bag. He was a good detective, one of the only reasons Captain Fowler kept him around.

—---

[July 28th, 2039

2:45 PM

Detroit, Michigan]

Nines opened his eyes to be greeted with a familiar building. Andrea was by his side, staring up at it. She's only been here a few times. A few months ago when the first bombing happened and for the gala she was personally invited to by Markus. The pair made their way inside, Andrea had to tell one of the android workers what they were doing there.

The building itself was tall, similar in height to the Stratford building minus a couple floors. Markus' office sat on the fiftieth floor next to most of the meeting rooms. Most of the other floors were used as housing for androids and even a few jobs were provided for maintenance purposes. The familiar office put Nines at ease but he could feel the nervousness radiating off Andrea. He was unsure why as, from what Markus told him, she was relatively calm during their first few meetings. It must have been the situation.

The lieutenant knocked on the door to Markus' office with a release of breath.

[Stress level: 78%]

Not good. But not worrying.

Markus opened the door and let the pair in. "Good afternoon, lieutenant Cartier. Nines." He tipped his head at the taller android. "As I understand, you're here for information. About Scarlett Smyth?" He clarified with pursed lips. It was hard to talk about any dead android, let alone one who lived in Jericho.

Andrea nodded. "Do you have any information about the time before she became deviant? Especially anything about a woman named Jessica." She needed to know something. Anything.

The hard thing about investigating androids is the fact that their lives change dramatically after deviating. There's no exact way to look at their memory since it erases once they die. Unless, of course, it's uploaded into another model shortly before their death. However, that is highly unlikely at this point. And there's no way to figure out who owned the android before the revolution. Asking them was one way. Unfortunately Scarlett died before Andrea could ask.

Markus leaned against his desk as he faced Andrea and Nines. "Scarlett admitted she came from a nice home compared to others at Jericho. But she realized she was still treated like an object by someone she loved." He had a faraway look in his eyes. It was harder to read him than Connor or Nines, he had no LED, but Andrea could see a wash of sadness in his eyes. "She would sometimes slip up and refer to Jess as Ms. Martel."

Jessica Martel.

Finally, a goddamned full name. Now they just needed to find wherever the hell she lived and arrest her. Well, question her first then arrest her.

Andrea blinked for a moment. She got lost in her thoughts until she realized. They have no proof it was actually Jessica. For all she knows, Jessica is like any other past android owner. A bit of an asshole but not necessarily a horrible person.

The lieutenant crossed her arms with furrowed brows once she made it back to her desk at the precinct. "Fuck this job." She grumbled out of frustration. The Goddess of Justice and she couldn't just make clues randomly appear out of nowhere. She still had to look for them. "Fuck this job and fuck me, I guess. Y'know all this weird shit I can do and I can't just suddenly have proof. Makes no goddamn sense."

[Stress level: 89%]

Despite her weird whispers, Nines wanted to make sure Andrea was okay. At least so she could calm down and figure out their next move. "Is there anything you'd like me to do, lieutenant?"

"Yes. Figure out where Jessica Martel lives and get back to me in forty-five minutes." Andrea screwed her eyes shut and rubbed at her temples. A self-soothing technique she did a lot.

"You are experiencing a stress-induced migraine. It might be best if I get you some Advil." Nines offered.

As if appearing out of nowhere, Connor had a glass of water and a few small blue pills in his hands. Nines narrowed his eyes at the other android. It seemed like he had a sixth sense of some sort whenever Andrea was experiencing any sort of stress.

Thanking Connor, Andrea popped the pills in her mouth and promptly drank half the glass of water. Nines watched them for a few moments after that before he eventually did as he was told. Connor offered Andrea a small, reassuring smile. His predecessor knew something he didn't. Nines hated when he didn't know something. He was built to be able to figure out whatever he was assigned to. Being deviant, it was whatever he wanted.

Nines wanted to figure… whatever the hell this was out. As far as he knew, secrets weren't kept between brothers. Connor was his brother and he was keeping something from him.

"Jessica Martel. Currently lives in Detroit, Michigan. Occupation: Investigative journalist at Detroit Metro Times. She has no previous criminal record." Nines explained, glancing back up at Andrea.

Andrea pursed her lips and took a deep breath, ruffling her hair out of frustration. "Ask her to come in. Firmly." She rubbed a finger between her eyebrows and leaned back into her chair.

Connor's LED blinked yellow with concern. "It might be best if you take a break, lieutenant. You haven't had lunch yet. There's this nice bistro a few minutes away from here." He suggested in a soft tone. Care wasn't something Nines encountered much in his short time being alive. Not like this.

The lieutenant's jaw clenched in thought. Was it better to stay and bottle up her frustrations while furthering the investigation or leave with Connor to try and ease some of her feelings?

"Okay." The tension quickly washed away.

—---

Andrea came back to her two-bedroom home far more desperate than when she started the day. There was no way they could pin the crime on Jessica since she had an alibi plus there was no physical evidence of her even being at the crime scene. She let a breath out of her nose while her hands formed fists, leaving some crescent marks on her palms.

"Looks like someone had a bad day at work." Poseidon. He was leaning against her counters.

Andrea closed her eyes and immediately prepared for the worst. He had some kind of news. Why else would he be there?

Poseidon went up to Andrea and took her hand, squeezing it lightly. "I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news. But I did promise I'd come back with some information." He shrugged, sincere. "Perhaps you should sit down…"

"Just fucking tell me." Andrea couldn't take it anymore.

"A relic has been found." Poseidon admitted.

Andrea ran her hands down her face. Of course. Just great.

"And it's one of yours."

Even better! Andrea turned away from Poseidon and pursed her lips. She felt the overwhelming need to scream into a pillow. Or hurt something. "Which one?"

"The Crown of Sway."

"Wonderful." She deadpanned.

Looking back, she had no idea why her fellow Gods and Goddesses made relics. They were far too powerful for any one human to hold. She could only imagine what this human was doing with her crown. Apparently killing androids.

The crown itself was made of a simple band of silver with very few jewels. It wasn't anything special. At least, it didn't appear to be. It wasn't so powerful as to sway people out of their set morals but did enhance already existing feelings. If someone used it on an android-hating human, it seemed now they would become so radical as to kill androids.

"We can't pinpoint an exact location but obviously they live here. No other city has this rate of android deaths." Poseidon watched Andrea carefully.

She'd have to find it. She was the only one who could. It was Andrea's relic. Which meant she'd have to incite a ritual.

Andrea let out a deep breath. "I'm gonna need a moon bath after this." She rubbed at her temple.

Her doorbell rang causing Andrea to cock an eyebrow at Poseidon. She opened the door to reveal Hank and Connor. Surprised, she gave the father-son duo a questioning look.

"I heard something about a ritual happening. It ain't going down without me." Hank made his way inside. "Hey. You must be that Poseidon guy." He hummed, looking him up and down.

To be fair, Poseidon did not look like how a lot of humans assumed he would. He had a nice Mediterranean tan, deep brown, short hair, a full beard, and eyes similar in shade to Andrea's. Most humans… Americans believed Poseidon would have long, blond, wavy hair. Probably because a few movies that came out over a few decades ago.

"Your brother asked us to attend the ritual as well. He said it would help." Connor admitted with a shrug. He wasn't sure if it would since, perhaps to the divinities, he could still be seen as an object. He assumed something like this required more human help.

Hank rolled his eyes at Connor then clasped his hands together. "Well, what do we need? Like, offering wise?"

—--

An hour or so later, their group sat in a circle with sea glass, driftwood, a balanced scale, moonstones, and a few jars of moon water. Most of which Andrea already had but Connor volunteered to find the items she didn't. Including driftwood from a nearby stream… the pants he was currently wearing were soaking at the bottom. Andrea laughed.

"Sit cross-legged." Andrea instructed. Poseidon wasn't really listening because he already knew how this worked but he smiled at Hank and Connor's reactions. "Rest your hands on your knees. Relax. Take a deep breath. Close your eyes if you want. Think about someone or something you love. How do they make you feel? Relish that feeling. Swim in it."

Connor did as instructed and took a deep breath, feeling it fill his artificial lungs. His eyes flicked to Andrea who had hers closed. He loved Andrea. Deeply. But he also loved Hank. Deeply. Though they were completely different feelings. Andrea made him feel like he could do anything he put his mind to. Hank made him feel very grounded. Both were integral to living, he learned. Both were good. Needed, even. But there was a time and place.

As a few minutes went by, Connor noticed a faint glow on Andrea's forehead. In the shape of a crescent moon. She looked strangely beautiful. Then a glow from Poseidon's chest. And a glow from Hank's. And his. He blinked, his chest feeling light. Fuzzy, even.

So the divine didn't care if he wasn't human. Good to know.

While the revelation was astonishing, Connor wanted to know what was going on inside Andrea's mind. Her eyebrows were furrowed, tense. She's been tense for a while. He wondered if it'd ever ease. He couldn't imagine the weight of the world that she had on her shoulders.

"Well, fuck." The light died down. Andrea ran a hand through her hair. "The name of the person in possession of the crown is Gray Mitchell."

Hank asked what everyone was thinking. "Any reason for… that?" He gestured widely.

"The crown is giving her visions. They've connected somehow. She'll know we're coming." Andrea explained before a realization hit her. "She'll know we are coming." She looked at Poseidon who cocked an eyebrow. "Relics only detect humans and Gods since they were not made at a time when androids existed."

Connor tilted her head. Maybe it was a good thing relics thought of them as objects. The element of surprise would surely help them.

"You're gonna need more than one android to take her down, fengári." Poseidon reasoned.

Andrea pursed her lips. He was right. While the human might not have been given powers because of the relic, Gray likely had a lot of followers protecting her.

"Nines could go with Connor." Hank suggested.

Andrea shrugged, "I was going to tell him eventually." She admitted.

"He is supposed to be stronger than me." Connor weighed in, glancing up at Andrea.

"We'll be right behind you." Andrea whispered, a light smile on her face.

It wasn't her best idea, she'd be the first to admit, but it was the only idea she could come up with. She wanted to finish whatever the hell Gray had started. And probably destroy that relic so no one could ever use it ever again.

Now that sounded like a wonderful idea.