#anyway I still have a lot of feelings about Dean and this movie

[angelsdean]

I Saw the TV Glow -- and it showed me Destiel parallels

It's been days and I still cannot stop thinking about I Saw the TV Glow. I keep rotating thoughts of it in comparison to SPN in my mind, but not in the obvious way of their lives essentially being a TV show / god's favorite show, because in SPN there isn't a split sense of reality. The TV show IS their lives, but they are not separate from themselves, looking in on their true selves. And unlike in the film, the TV show aspect of their lives is the falsehood, what we see of SPN as audience members is heavily filtered and censored, ghostfacers effect, etc, and their true reality exists beneath the show itself. While in the film the "real world" is the falsehood and the TV show is their true reality and true selves.

But anyway, what I keep rotating around, the parallels that keep gripping me, revolve around Cas and Heaven's manipulations and use of brainwashing, simulation, and illusions. Cas and Owen parallel in the sense that they are continuously both kept from knowing their True Feelings, and then their best friend helps them unlock those feelings / the Truth.

Owen, as a child, is kept from watching The Pink Opaque because it has the power to unlock the truth about his identity. He is then introduced to The Pink Opaque by his later-friend, Maddy. This begins to unlock feelings in him that he doesn't quite understand yet or have a name for. When the truth about the show is revealed to him and he unlocks those memories of his past and his true self he is then taken by a parent to have the memories purged as he screams (hello Naomi lobotomies).

Similarly, Cas has been kept from remembering his feelings toward humanity. He has always been the broken angel, the one with a crack in his chassis (and hello the imagery at the end of the film of Owen cracking himself open and letting the light spill out!) When Cas declares, "For the first time, I feel" this isn't necessarily a true statement. This is not the first time he has felt emotions for humanity, it is not the first time he has contemplated rebellion or had doubts, or had feelings period. We learn later that Cas has always had this rebellious streak and has been the subject of routine lobotomies his whole life. He was made to forget. Made to forget his past, his true rebellious self, the fact that he is capable of free will. But Dean becomes his link and anchor to humanity, and through Dean Cas rediscovers his feelings and his identity. Dean also introduces him to the world of humanity in a real way, rather than how Cas has been experiencing it for billions of years, detached as a mere spectator. Dean therefore presents both Maddy and the show The Pink Opaque itself. It's also significant to me that much of Dean and Cas's relationship revolves around Dean teaching him pop culture things. Cas doesn't get the reference. Dean holds the keys to pop culture knowledge and educates Cas, much like how Maddy introduces Owen to The Pink Opaque. Dean and Cas also spend a lot of time off camera watching TV together. Dean shows him Tombstone. They have weekly family movie nights where they are all subjected to The Lost Boys up to 36 times (and counting!).

While what Maddy helps Owen unlock is his own feelings about his gender and identity, Dean helps unlock Cas's very human feelings, his sexuality, and remind him of his own free will and rebellious nature. Through Dean, Cas comes to love and care about humanity deeper than he has before, but he always had the capacity for this love, he was simply made to forget and kept from connecting to humanity on this deeper level.

Then there are the parallels within The Pink Opaque. Tara (Maddy, Dean) and Isabel (Owen, Cas) share a profound kind of bond. They are linked, psychically and must fight "the man in the moon", Mr. Melancholy, who sends supernatural threats to their world to wreak havoc and suffering. His ultimate goal is to trap them in the "Midnight Realm" where they are asleep and suffocating, unaware of their true selves (the world Maddy and Owen live in). I see both parallels to Chuck and the Empty in Mr. Melancholy. As Mr. Melancholy despises Tara and Isabel for the power of their connection, Chuck too despises Dean and Cas's connection and love, which proves to be the one thing he can't control, the two of them thwarting his plans from the start. The Empty also has it out for them, specifically Cas, who she wishes to put to sleep forever in punishment for disrupting her world. The Empty is a place of eternal sleep and darkness, where you are left to dream forever, which is reminiscent of the Midnight Realm. (I am also thinking about the finale and Fake Heaven and Chuck Won Theories and Heaven being a part of Destiel's Midnight Realm. Dean locked away in Heaven, Cas locked away in the Empty--until I SEE Cas I will always be skeptical about him being "out" of the Empty--both separated from each other, unable to reconnect because together they are a threat to Chuck, just how Tara and Isabel are separated and put in graves to suffocate to prevent them from defeating Mr. Melancholy.

Finally, thinking about a few other symbols and imagery from the film. Such as how in order to be "lulled" to sleep in the Midnight Realm one of the first steps is to cut out the victim's heart. The person is still alive, but this integral part of them is missing and they are weaker without it. It reminds me of Cas having his grace forcefully cut out by Metatron and being cast down to Earth, forced to live without a piece of himself, a part of him that is so tied to his identity. I am also thinking about Dean's heart repeatedly being threatened throughout the series. Billie targeting his heart. Dean symbolically losing his heart when Cas is taken by the Empty. Dean left to go on without Cas, losing hope without his heart, suffocating and ending up dead and in a fake world (Heaven).

Another image that stuck with me and immediately reminded me of Cas is at the end of the film when Owen cracks himself open and finally acknowledges the truths about himself he's been repressing and ignoring his whole life; he looks into the mirror and smiles. He experiences a moment of joy and peace. The expression reminds me of Cas standing beatific after his declaration of love. The light shining on his face, his moment of truth, this moment where he gives himself permission to be happy and acknowledge these feelings. However, for Owen this is a hopeful first step, for Cas it is seemingly the end of his story. But! There Is Still Time. For Cas and Dean. For Owen. For all of us.

[Disclaimer: I am very aware of the trans metaphor of the film and the fact that Owen is Isabel, and I do view Owen as trans. For the purposes of this post I am using the pronouns (he/him) that are used for Owen throughout the film and by the actors and director when speaking about Owen's scenes. I debated over this a lot, but since the director themself has used he/him pronouns for Owen when discussing the film and no other preferred pronouns are used or stated by Owen in the film I feel this makes the most sense for the sake of this post. I mean absolutely no disrespect.]

[butch--dean]

Thinking about Dean during the Stanford era just before everything went down going to see Brokeback Mountain in theaters. He heard whispers about it but would deny that he knew anything about it if anyone had been around to ask. One night he sneaks into a theatre in a mid-sized town (not so big that it would be busy, not so small that he would stand out). He buys tickets for a different film and sneaks into a late-night showing, and makes sure to sit in the back so he can avoid the judgmental gaze of other patrons (they're not judging you, Dean, they're here for the same reason you are).

Thinking about Dean watching the slow-building yearning and the casual displays of intimacy and affection between Jack and Ennis during their summer ranching. Thinking about how they both go on to get married and have kids but continue to feel so deeply dissatisfied with their lives. Thinking about their reunion 4 years later and a kiss so frenzied that it bruised their noses. Thinking about twenty years of back-and-forth, of yearning for something one of them is too afraid of have. Thinking about the heartbreak of “I wish I knew how to quit you” and “sometimes I miss you so much I can’t hardly stand it” and "it's because of you, Jack, that I'm like this," and "there ain't ever enough time." Thinking about Dean silently breaking down during Ennis' call to Jack's widow, and again when he enters the closet of his lover's childhood bedroom to find a relic of their relationship, hidden away in a dark corner. Private. Loved.

When Dean left the theatre, he was a changed person - heartbroken for something that, in that very moment, he couldn't name within himself. I think that he carries the story with him throughout the series. Eventually, he is able to name that heartbreak - of loving someone so completely but never being able to say it. Of fearing what others would do if they knew, of having someone but never allowing yourself to actually have it.

Of course he sees the comparisons to be made between Cas and him. He sees what his insistence in believing in Cas, even when his gut tells him otherwise, means. He understands what is being left unspoken in long, drawn out gazes and crooked smiles. He knows that their post-death hugs and late nights spent chatting with each other while watching the old westerns that Dean loves mean so much more than they pretend.

I think that over the years, Dean would return to the film and re-mourn the loss of Jack. Over and over, on nights when Sam is out late researching in an archive and Dean knows he has a few hours alone. He has a torrented copy (because he can't risk the physical evidence being found, even after settling into the bunker). I think that Charlie probably downloaded for him, because of course - she knew. Maybe she slipped it in a batch of movies Dean requested from her, with a few of her own added in for good measure. He regrets never having the chance to thank her for that.

After Cas dies and goes to the empty, Dean hangs the jacket with the bloody handprint on the inside of his dresser door. He stands there and thinks about Ennis finding his and Jack's bloody shirts intertwined in a hidden spot in the back of his closet, together, after his death. Dean stands, staring at the jacket, heartbroken. He thinks about loving and losing and never-really-having. Of letting yourself bask in the sun, shining on your face. If he can't have Cas, he wishes that the universe, or Chuck, or whatever, had at least seen fit to have left him with Cas's trench coat to protect on the inside of his stained jacket. But it (or he) didn't, all he has left is the relic of his not-lover's handprint, marked in blood.

[romanarose]

The Bikeriders as a metaphor for bisexuality

Now I ain't saying this was intentional because I'm pretty sure it's not but this is how I read the struggle between Johnny and Kathy for Benny just feels like Benny's internal struggle between homosexuality and heteosexuality, how neither of it fits him so he was always walking that line.

For the record Im speaking in terms of binary gender because this is just a simple movie theory. I am well aware of other genders but this is just how I see it.

Spoilers below

Kathy tried to get him to leave, he wouln't do it. It's like he wouldn't let go of that same/sex attraction, the queerness, the subversive side of him.

Johnny never tried to get him to leave Kathy for him, but his pull comes in the two times he tried to get Benny to take over the club. Benny refused, because that full commitment to the club, the lifestyle, would be rejecting the other side of him.

He didn't want to choose. he wanted to just be himself. I think his happiness came in accepting that.

Benny didnt give up riding because Kathy made him. He gave it up because Johnny was dead and that broke him. He was ready to settle down. Benny didn't choose "being straight", I think in his crying, his finally crying he and Kathy new what Johnny was to him and I think Benny accepted who he was. Then he was happy with Kathy, because he did love her. I think she was wrong that he didn't miss it. I think he did. But I think he misses it in a sense that we as people will always long for the past.

Another way I see it is that yes, he's happy. Yes he has a good life. But Maybe he was always going to end up with Kathy as the "settling down". Johnny didn't equal settling down. I think a lot of times, especially back then, homosexuality was viewed as a phase, like the trope of college girls going through a "gay phase" or concepts of homoerotic military men secluded from women. That its something you do for a while then you "grow out of it." But thats not how it really works. I stand by that Benny loves Kathy and is happy at the end.

He smiles, which is rare for his character. He's smiling when Kathy isn't looking, so he's not performing for anyone.

But I think when you look at it in the context of the time, she was the option if he wanted to settle down. That, as bisexual people, maybe you have some crazy times in college but then you find someone in a heterosexual relationship and settle and try to put that behind you. It doesn't mean he's not happy, as bisexual people in straightpassing relationships are happy. It just means, when the motercycle sounds echo for him, he still thinks about the past. the what if.

And thats just a human thing to do.

I saw The Bikeriders on Saturday and then twice, yes twice today (sunday). I was bawling at the end the last two times when the bisexual metaphore theory came to me. I read Benny as bi right away.

Johnny is said to have gotten his inspiration from Marlon Brando. Bando has talked about being bisexual. Another famous name and face of Brando's era was James Dean. Although Dean was more a car guy in the end, he was deffinetly into motercycles. Dean's sexuality is speculated but many close friends say he was bisexual.

I think it would be almost impossible not to have homoerotic subtext with this sort of thing if the movie was true to inspirations of the era. I don't know how you can watch it and think benny and Johnny dont want each other.

Personally, I don't think Johnny was bi, I think he was gay. I think because of how little emphasis on his wife there was, how she never quite seemed to get him, not in the way Benny got him, I think he was gay. I think he married and had kids because thats what you did.

Anyway all this to say I fucking love this movie. At first watch I wasn't a fan of Austin butlers performance but now I get it. Wow. I get it

I know its not anyone intention making the movie for it to be a metaphore for bisexuality but I can just see it see clearly.

This came out during pride month for a reason

[radicalbears]

Fun fact: I've started reading Star Trek TOS books this year, and they are a TRIP.

I've read six of them so far: The Vulcan Science Academy Murders by Jean Lorrah, Doctor's Orders by Diane Duane, Strangers from the Sky by Margaret Wander Bonanno, Spock's World by Diane Duane, Sarek by A.C. Crispin, and The Motion Picture novelization by Gene Roddenberry (and also Harold Livingston and Alan Dean Foster since they wrote the screenplay)

I have some Thoughts but this may be long so opinions below the cut!

I can't pick an absolute favorite, they're all so much fun for their own reasons. Objectively, Spock's World and Sarek are the two best, with Spock's World being my favorite of the two. I love any story that takes a long look at the Vulcans- either individual characters or them as a group- and these two do a fantastic job.

The Vulcan Science Academy Murders is not objectively good- the mystery is so easily figured out, some of the book is just a little bit insane, and there's way too many exclamation points- but it is a LOT of fun. Also has a very sweet perspective of Vulcans and the way they care for eachother.

Doctor's Orders is literally just this: Kirk, thinking he'd only be gone an hour, makes McCoy acting captain. Kirk proceeds to go missing. Due to Starfleet regulations, McCoy is stuck as acting captain until Kirk or Starfleet relieves him. (It's very funny watching both McCoy and literally every bridge officer be stressed about this)

My least favorite is probably Strangers from the Sky. It's extremely convoluted- there's a plot where Kirk is having nightmares about a suppressed past memory (a memory that, is being remembered because the events of this memory were recently published as a book), and half of this book is us just. Real-time reading this past memory? Either way, the memory is of the Actual first human-Vulcan meeting- when a Vulcan ship crash landed on Earth before the official first contact. The surviving Vulcans were rescued by a couple kelp farmers, and the story surrounding them is actually really sweet. The Enterprise crew has almost nothing to do with this story, they're only there because of a time travel incident. It really just feels more like the author wanted to tell this story, but because it didn't have any known characters in it, they were forced to involve the TOS cast. Still a decent read, just Very convoluted.

Finally, the Motion Picture novelization. Boy, this really reminded me that there really is not much that happens in this movie, though somehow it's more interesting than the movie. This is not to completely dump on said movie- I don't hate it, but it certainly is my least favorite. The novelization is really cool though because it adds a LOT of context for what Spock is dealing with. We get more of his inner monologue- something I actually wish we could witness better in the movie. V'ger is a really good character foil for Spock- the way V'ger is was Spock's end goal, yet Spock realizes that V'ger nothing like how he actually wants to be.

The word T'hyla is also just. Casually invented in this novelization, with the explicit purpose of describing the relationship between Kirk and Spock. This book ALSO acknowledges rumors of Kirk and Spock dating in a footnote, and has Kirk "address" these rumors (aka make some weird statement that doesn't actually clarify anything). Beginning of this book is a Wild time for Spirk fans.

Anyway I'm waiting on my library to get in the novelization for Wrath of Khan and Search for Spock. I also just picked up the first two volumes of the Year Five comics. Idk how deep I'm gonna get into Star Trek novels, but I'm at the very least still going strong.

Oh yeah I also tend to take photos of passages/lines I enjoyed from these books, lmk if any of y'all want a deeper look into any of these books- I can post the photos of my favorite bits!

[bananamarshmallowz]

I'm here to talk about Destiel...

The internet is a very funny place.

If you're in need of a good laugh, go to your favorite series, show, films what have you and ask what are you unpopular opinions with _said show_.

I have watched dozens of shows and always think I might be the only one, post that and see what happens.

I am a shipper but I normally don't talk or boast about what/who I ship, it's not relevant and it can be weird. I don't ship actors/real humans, that's crossing lines. Characters however, yes. Anyway, I have to bring up this one. One comment said "Destiel shouldn't have happened." Okay, I get that, people can get weird about it. Then they go on to say how every shipper claws and digs for stuff that isn't there.

And again, I'm not saying some people don't dig but not all gay/LGBTQ+ representation is completely shown in media. Mentioned maybe here and there, sure. But there's endless cis-straight-relationship romance movies, romance themes and what have you. Some series make really bad portrayals and give gay people a bad rap because they're the only representation. And don't get me wrong, sometimes we do dig and claw because we feel what they portray, or at least we think so. But sometimes we don't need to dig.

That same thread added the random siren or even the policeman from yellow fever had more chemistry than Dean and Cas ever have. - Him looking at the soldier's ass in Time After Time while walking in the store. Yes, those were weird scenes, why were they even shown? Great question, I don't know I'm just here. - And as for they have no chemistry... They won best chemistry award for TV... It doesn't get better than that.

This is more of a rant than I want but this is certainly one of my favorite shows. And I feel the need to say what's on my mind because I know I can't afford therapy, so this is the next best thing.

Oh yeah before I start this, I have read numerous comments accusing all the actors of horrendous things... - Firstly, they all have kids, and wives and love their kids so much. I don't think they would do anything to jeopardize that. So stop making up messed up shit. - Secondly, I don't want to believe other people make other people uncomfortable for fun, but some people do. But considering that they acted for more than 8 years together, I'm pretty sure working with people that are cool for that long, they all had a strong bond. And all the times that Jensen looks uncomfortable whenever Misha goes into or talks about Destiel, it's because technically they're not even allowed to say anything about the show regarding shipping characters because anything could've been true, it could've not been. If every actor were able to spoil their movie, we'd be out of movies but we aren't. And Jensen is a rather shy individual, funny enough. At the beginning of Supernatural he was 27, and Jared was 23. When Misha joined when he was 34. They were and still are wholesome and great people. Regardless, All of them would pull pranks and stuff on the show, they're friends, not some messed up whatever someone said, I'm blown away that people would even imply some things. You can look up any video of everyone being close with one another from hugs to dancing, to singing to whatever. So don't say "read the room" when they're just being themselves, I shift a lot when in public, does that mean I'm constantly uncomfortable? No. - THIRDLY, they were all lowkey scared of certain parts of supernatural, in 2017 they did an interview with Entertainment Weekly {this one} and said what the scariest episodes or concepts were at the time for them. Jared's was changelings, shapeshifters, demons possessing people, things that could be real but possibly something posing as someone but something's off. Jensen's was people doing really messed up things and that it was the most realistic thing that could actually happen. Humans being psycho. And vintage dolls, lmao, same. And Misha said that everything could give him nightmares. He's so soft, any of it could give him nightmares. These guys are human. Not some terrible against religion people, they play on a show. Pure human. Just like everyone else.

ANYWAY, I think we all know the infamous eye sex scenes LMAO... if you haven't heard of them... {here's 10 minutes of them staring at each other} and that's not even all the seasons

They always look each other up and down and just stare at each other.

Above, Dean says "Cas, we talked about this. Personal space." and then Cas backs off. He doesn't know why, he just knows it makes Dean uncomfortable, so to make him more comfortable, he takes a few steps back. But Cas isn't aware of how complicated humans are. Personal space are just words, angels shouldn't care what humans have to say. They're so primal and they need more than just basic shelter and foods, they need the whole pyramid of Maslow's Hierarchy of needs. He doesn't understand this until he goes through it himself, but we're getting slightly off topic. Sure, them continuing to stare could be just a funny little thing at the start... no. It still happens up to the last episodes.

This is the musical episode, Fanfiction, Season 10, Episode 5. Destiel, Samstiel and the most dreaded Sam/Dean are mentioned... They're brothers. As someone with siblings... gross.

"You can't spell subtext without S-E-X." Then Jensen gave this look to the camera, I think this is on behalf of many of the people on the show.

Below, they end a scene after talking but it's about 15 seconds of them just staring at each other then it ends. Personally, I'm not a big fan of eye contact, and try to make at least 5 or maybe 2 seconds of contact in between interacting with someone, anything more than 10 is past uncomfortable... I don't stare at anyone this long. Legit the scene is so long lmao

I don't remember the context on this but I just don't like eye contact. Both their eyes are gorgeous but I don't stare like this, especially with any of my siblings. When they have a hard time I hug them if they want a hug, talk to them, but I don't make eye contact like that.

I have never looked at my friends like this, not my best friends, certainly not my siblings. Someone I had a crush on, possibly.

Next, they are going in as Texas Rangers and Dean explains how to get Cas into character. "Yeah. Look, just act like you're from Tombstone, okay?" "The city?" "With Kurt Russell? I made you watch it." "Yeah, yeah. Yeah. The one with the guns and tuberculosis." [in a deep cowboy voice] "I'm your Huckleberry." [gulps] "Yeah, exactly.-"

I don't have anything other than I like that scene and how Cas says, "I'm your Huckleberry" :D

(SPOILERS AHEAD Whoops lol)

-

When Cas dies Dean tries to pray to God even though he swore off praying to God. One of the lines is "We've lost everything." Mary's gone, correct but everyone else is alive, except Cas. They still had the Bunker, Baby, Jack. Cas and Mary died (she fell through and there was no way to know she was alive.) But considering that Sam is still alive, the guy Dean has fought tooth and nail to save all these years, is standing by him, ready to fight what may come. But Cas is dead... Dean obliterates his hand from punching on a bathroom door. It's frankly the most punches he's made in a single scene I think and even then, God doesn't answer him so he begins to mourn. It creeps in that his friend is gone.

When Cas is being burned, at first it peers to Jack who sees the man who is supposed to be his father, not blood father but someone who promised to look out for him, someone he doesn't even know, he feels the loss but he's just been born and he never really met Cas.

Then we roll to Sam, he's lost a dear friend and is sad. He's wanting to cry and fidget and be sad.

THEN we roll to Dean. His face is drained of all emotion. He has lost his best friend. His dear companion and looks like he lost it all despite his brother being right next to him. He can't even move.

Now I would be sad if one of my brothers died but sadly I don't have that much of a connection with them as Dean and Cas have. And thankfully I haven't yet experienced one of my brothers pass on.

But I have lost a few lovers, and that... That is the face I have felt. When everything else feels irrelevant. You don't care about anything. You can't care about anything. You are numb.

-

And this all brings us to the finale.

Death is on her way, has them by their hearts, well Dean's in fact. They run/slowly walk over to Basement Storage Room 7B and Cas wards the room, slowing down Death on the other side.

This is the exact moment before he loses Cas for the last time. (I'm copying from the script on the Supernatural wiki, don't hate me, I watched it over and over too, and I've shortened Cas's monologue because I don't want to relive that heartbreak again lmao) But basically Cas realizes this is it, this is the happiest he has been. Everyone was alive and well, he has Dean alone at last. The last exchange they had was this: "You changed me, Dean." "Why does this sound like a goodbye? "Because it is." - "I love you."

"Don't do this, Cas." - "Cas..." "Goodbye, Dean." "What?"

Cas pushes Dean out of the way and gets taken by the Empty.

He has to process all these years of interactions with this awkward little man with sensible shoes in less than five minutes and it all crumbles.

Castiel is gone. And he's not coming back.

Sam keeps trying to call Dean but he's just getting Dean's voicemail and Dean isn't answering. He simply can't.

-

A few episodes later, Dean fucking dies. Just how he said he would, to a monster, like any other job. It felt rushed and I didn't like it.

But how they ended it could've been so much worse.

Dean makes it to heaven, expecting just memory lane, but Bobby's there and says Jack remade heaven new, everyone's together in heaven where they belong. He offers him a beer and tells him how different heaven is and how it's so much better.

Dean's sold, but it's missing something.

This is directly after Bobby tells Dean that Cas helped Jack rebuild heaven.

After that, he takes a drive as he waits out Sam's life. He meets Sam on the bridge and that's the end.

For years, Dean didn't have an obvious love interest, here and there a fling maybe but nothing romantic. All the soft scenes were pretty much between him and Cas.

Their bond isn't brotherly, it's very best friend-ish but lovers can be friends too.

And that's my review on Destiel and why it's a thing it's 4 am and I haven't slept well the past two days so what to do other than write about destiel

ok bye :]

[pascaloverx]

Sweet Love

Summary: You're an up-and-coming writer, congratulations. To protect your beloved job, you're willing to do anything. Even strike a deal with the devil, better known as your sister's neighbor. You and Dean Winchester don't really see eye to eye, but in a moment of desperation, you agree to collaborate with him for a greater good.

Author's Notes: Many characters do not belong to me but to the Supernatural Universe (2005-2020). I hope you enjoy the fanfic's story. The fanfic will contain strong language and adult content. Dear readers, I'm here to let you know that if you enjoy this fic, please engage with it. Comments and likes are welcome. I appreciate everyone who follows this fanfic. Anyway, enjoy this chapter.

chapter eight final chapter

CHAPTER NINE

Your need to be close to Dean is much greater than you imagined. Not only are you moving to live near him, but you are also going to live in the apartment above his. You thought a lot about it, concluding that even without being in a relationship with him, you still wanted to be close.

"You are aware that moving above your ex's place isn't really getting over him, right?" Sam Winchester says as he helps you with the moving boxes. The apartment you bought is already furnished, so you're just bringing your personal items to start getting organized.

"I'm not sure if your brother is my ex. But I do realize that it's not the best decision in the world to live in the same building where your brother and my sister live. But I've grown attached to the neighborhood." You don't want to admit the truth to Sam. After all, he is practically your brother-in-law. Saying that you don't want to be so far from Dean wouldn't seem right.

"My brother would love to know about your affection for the neighborhood. I have to be honest, I don't understand you two. But I know you care a lot about each other. I just fear that when you realize it, it will be too late. Where do you want me to put this box?" Sam says as you both climb the stairs. As soon as you reach the door of your new apartment, what he says seems to affect you.

"Do you think he'll find someone else?" you ask Sam, apprehensive. Despite knowing that Dean owes you nothing, you're not sure if you're ready to see him move on. Which, frankly, is idiotic. After all, it's you who is separating you two. Well, you and the fact that he has already slept with your sister.

"As far as I know him, no. But there's nothing stopping him. Which means you're taking a chance. I know he messed up, but I still think that the fact you're moving so close to him must mean part of you wants him." That's something you didn't expect: Sam playing your romantic therapist. Before you can say anything, you both watch a familiar figure step out of the elevator. Castiel, dressed all in white, looking like a celestial being. His outfit was stunning, almost like attire for a very fancy event. You and Sam exchanged glances, immediately remembering that Castiel was getting married.

"What are you doing here, Castiel?" Sam asks from behind you, causing Castiel to look at the two of you climbing the stairs. Castiel looks like he just ran a marathon, he’s so out of breath.

"I need to talk to your brother," Castiel says, then walks over to Dean's apartment door and knocks. You and Sam, curious, watch, but a bad feeling is blooming in your heart. Dean opens the apartment door a few seconds after Castiel knocks. He doesn't see you and Sam, only Castiel, who is facing him.

"Castiel, you should be getting married. What are you doing here?" Dean asks, surprised, and you and Sam exchange glances as if you're about to witness a movie plot twist scene.

"I should be getting married, but I couldn't. All I could think about was that you weren't there. That's when I realized I shouldn't marry Gabriel. Because I still feel something for you. Because I want you to be around for important moments. And I came here to find out if you feel the same." Castiel speaks to Dean tenderly. However, you feel like you're about to lose Dean forever. Unnoticed, your eyes fill with tears, but you couldn't dare to spoil this moment for Dean and Castiel. Perhaps they are meant for each other.

"I think it's best you come in so we can talk," you hear Dean say to Castiel, who immediately follows Dean into the apartment. Sam looks at you as if he already imagined you would be crying.

"If you want, I can keep carrying some boxes, and you can rest up there on your couch," Sam says gently, giving you a light pat on the head as if to comfort you.

"Sam, let's just finish taking the boxes upstairs," you say, walking towards your sister's apartment. You and Sam continue carrying the boxes, with you feeling downcast and hoping not to see Dean and Castiel together. They've been in Dean's apartment for quite some time now. When you finally finish bringing all your belongings to your new apartment, you feel a void filling your heart.

"Hey, don't feel like that. I can't be sure, but I don't think Castiel and Dean are getting back together right now," Sam's words are kind, but you need him to leave soon so you can mourn the loss of what could have been a future with Dean.

"Sam, I know you're speaking with kindness and concern. But I think I need a moment alone," you say, trying not to be rude. Sam nods in understanding. He gives you a hug before walking out the door, leaving you alone. And as soon as you're alone, you allow yourself to cry. The worst part is you can't even be upset. It seems your sister was right about something. You regret something, but not what she imagined. You regret pushing Dean away, leaving the path open for him to reignite his love with Castiel. Your crying, however, is interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Sam, I said I need a moment alone…" you say as you open the door, only to find Dean standing there. You don't understand why he's at your door.

"I'm not Sam, and frankly, I'm tired of leaving you alone," Dean says, looking at you, perhaps noticing your swollen face from crying or your sad expression.

"What are you doing here?" you ask, trying to compose yourself to appear less vulnerable. You don't want him to pity you or to hear about getting back together with Castiel.

"Proving that I know myself better than anyone. That I never called Castiel the love of my life because I knew that no matter how good our relationship was, he and I weren't meant for each other. I made a mistake, letting other people dictate how you saw me, afraid of how you'd react when you realized I never really found a love of my life. I tried with Castiel, used your sister to forget him, and for that, I bitterly regret it. But you're different. You make me think about what it's like to be committed to someone. Being with you is what I want now. I can't promise you'll be the love of my life, but I can guarantee I want to be with you. More than anything," Dean speaks with such certainty that you're almost left speechless. He truly cares for you, and you can't help but feel you're wasting a chance to be happy with him.

"I want you." It's all that comes out of your mouth, as naturally as any declaration of love could be. You don't expect him to say anything; you just approach him and kiss him. Throwing yourself into Dean's arms who hold you tight, you continue the kiss. His mouth devouring yours as if you were competing for who has more desire for the other. Dean holds you firmly by the waist, guiding you to the bedroom while you don't stop kissing. And as soon as you both enter the room, you're glad you installed a new bed. Tonight will be about you and Dean making up under the sheets.

[hawkstincan]

Get to know me tag game!

Tagged by @kitkatt0430 thanks for the tag <3<3<3

1. Do you make your bed?

Nope. I dropped making my bed as soon as my mom moved out. Maybe even before that. I sleep on two blankets and under a blanket. It’s just easier. And I toss a lot in my sleep and shits were always on the floor in the morning anyway. So I just stopped wasting my time and energy on making bed 

2. Favorite number?

I consider 666 and 13 lucky ones. And have a soft spot for 6 and 9

3. What’s your job?

Post office. Night shifts. Salary sucks but it’s like two steps from my apartment and I spend most of the shift alone there  

4. If you could go back to school would you?

Honestly? No. I’m too anxious to go back to learning. I dropped out the first time around. And I don’t really have passion for any subject to put myself through this kind of struggle. If I ever find something worth it maybe, but for now no      

5. Can you parallel park?

Nope, I’ve never learned how to drive

6. Do you think aliens are real?

I don’t have a strong opinion. But with the size of the Universe? I thinks that’s quite a possibility 

7. Can you drive a manual car?

Nope, I’ve never learned how to drive

8. What’s your guilty pleasure?

Hmm, Catwoman (2004) and other movies/shows I love but they are considered bad. And yeah, I know that catwoman is bad. But Halle Berry is so beautiful! And I have working eyes! (A Beginner's Guide to Endings on the other hand rated like 6 on imdb. I? I unironically think it’s a masterpiece) 

9. Tattoos?

Yep! I have four for now: snake biting its tail on my right ankle (it goes around the ankle like a bracelet);  flying crow on my right hand below the elbow; mass effect inspired geth crawling on my left shoulder and lightning and snowflakes (if you’re thinking it was inspired by ship you are right) all over my left hand below the elbow. Lightning goes on my palm and point finger. If I have more ‘spare’ money… I’ll get some more. I have ideas and places. 

10. Favorite color?

Purple since I fell in love with hawkeye. And it was black for the most of my life. I still love black. 

11. Favorite type of music?

Rock. Or metal? Or hard rock? I never thought too much about the types. So lets say rock. All the rock 

12. Do you like puzzles?

Kinda? I like them but they are usually very hard for me to solve. And I hate feeling stupid. I like idea but rarely try to really solve them

13. Any phobia?

Insectophobia. I can’t even go near some bugs. Just nope. I once almost jumped under the car to avoid a bug 

14. Favorite childhood sport?

Badminton. We never played by any rules. Just ‘do everything you can to keep the shuttlecock in the air’. And I was good at it. At school we once played with tennis rackets for almost two hours. Good times  

15. Do you talk to your self?

All the time xD Sometimes aloud. “You are a strong capable woman you CAN STOP READING AND FINISH THIS” can be heard every shift from me to me. Luckily I’m the only one hearing this xD 

16. What movies do you adore?

Wrath of Man and Pacific Rim and all Resident Evil movies (with Milla Jovovich) and 10 Things I Hate About You and Bring It On and MASH and From Dusk Till Dawn are my comfort movies/shows. I love the Critters trilogy. I love the new Star Trek trilogy. Nightmare on Elm Street (old ones). The Gentlemen. Old Guard. Kingsglaive: Final Fantasy XV (I rewatched it like four times in a row). The Suicide Squad. The Boondock Saints. Ten Inch Hero. Drive Angry… Well. Like. I have weird taste in movies I guess? (I’ve mentioned only movies I saw more than 5 times)    

17. Coffee or tea?

Coffee. I can't find balance with tea. It’s either tasteless or makes me sick because it’s too strong. Coffee I can drink non stop. Hot and cold, instant and beans. I love the bitter taste of coffee.   

18. First thing you wanted to be growing up

Veterinarian, I think. I always loved animals and thought that being the one to heal them is the best career ever

Tagging (no pressure): @holycafe, @nixie-deangel, @luna-shimizu, @bedalk, @madsteacup, @mommalosthermind, @eaion, @thing2dani and whoever feels like participating :3

[youchangedmedestiel]

Cas offers gifts to Sam and Dean, and their reaction is really different

Cas knows humans celebrate Christmas every year on December 25th. So now that he is human, maybe he should try it. He also knows that Sam and Dean never do that, at least not as often as the average human as far as he can say, but he wants to offer them gifts anyway. Because they welcomed him at the bunker since the angels fall and that's the least he can do to thank them.

He thought about what he could give them. The brothers are really different from one and other so he must find something that they like, something different for each one of them. He found an idea for Sam when he heard the brothers bickered about their fetishes one day in the war room while he was digging into a book in the library. He discovered Dean’s fetish is cowboys and Sam’s serial killers. He doesn't know much about either of those, but what he do know is that Sam likes to read.

He asked Dean to drive him to the library on December 23th, Dean complained about it. He asked him questions, Cas answers he was searching for a book for himself, Dean still complained, talking about the internet and how Cas could easily order it there but drove him to the library anyway. Cas got out of the little store, happy, because he found what he wanted for Sam. Dean didn’t complain more on their drive back to the bunker after seeing Cas’s smile.

For Dean's gift, the difficult part was to find which to choose, because Dean likes a lot of things, like movies, music, books, porn, burgers, and pies. But the last one Cas knows how special it is for him. He saw it in his eyes multiple times when he talked about it. He could swear the green of them was even more intense when the word 'pie' was pronounced. So he decided to buy Dean a whole pie for him to eat.

On Christmas morning, Cas enters the library where Sam is already searching into the lore about angels falling, the Scribe of God, Abaddon, or any of their current issues. He wrapped the book as best as he could and hides it behind his back as he approaches where Sam is sitting. He clears his throat to get his attention.

"Sam," he calls.

"Hey Cas, I didn't hear you coming." Sam startles but relaxes as soon as he realizes it’s just Cas.

"Here, I have a gift for you." Cas says, handing the gift toward Sam who looks surprised.

"What's that for?" Sam asks, frowning but smiling as well.

"Merry Christmas, Sam - I wanted to thank you for letting me stay at the bunker with you." Sam is still surprised but stands up and grabs the gift anyway.

"Cas, that wasn't necessary, but - huh - thanks, man." Sam smiles and hugs Cas, manly patting him on his back. "I'm sorry I've nothing for you." Sam apologizes, and adds, "Merry Christmas I guess." He didn't actually realized today was December 25th until Cas told him merry Christmas.

"Open it." Cas says, impatient, waving his hand towards the gift. And Sam does, he reads the title. "Oh, thanks, man. I can't wait to read it once I'm done with the lore." Sam is smiling, patting the book’s cover.

"I could help you with the lore, like that you can take some time to read it." Cas is smiling back, happy that his gift is appreciated.

"Yeah," Sam answers and in a second Cas is leaving the library, heading toward the kitchen, where he knows Dean is, drinking his usual first coffee.

"Hello, Dean." Cas says as he enters the kitchen, his arms hidden behind his back.

"Morning, Cas." Dean answers, at the coffee machine, pouring coffee into his empty cup. He is wearing his grey robe like every morning.

"Did you eat yet?"

"No, why?" Dean asks, he turns around to face Cas and realizes he came closer and he is hiding something. "What's in your back?" Cas doesn't wait any longer, feeling too impatient to see Dean's reaction after his success with Sam. He hands the big pie to Dean.

"Merry Christmas, Dean." He says, smiling.

Then, Dean doesn't know if it's because of the exhaustion from endless research, the alcohol from last night he drank to help him finish his lore book, the fact that it is too early for him to think, or his joy to have a whole pie given to him, but the fact is that he takes it from Cas's hands and pecs his lips with his own before walking to the kitchen table to taste his gift, leaving a frozen Cas standing near the kitchen counter.

Dean is settled at the table, his cup of coffee near the pie and a fork in his hand, which he grabbed on his way to the table, ready to dig into it when he realizes what he just did. The fork falls from his hand on the table with a loud, clattering noise, releasing Cas from his frozen state.

Dean turns around and their eyes meet, but they remain speechless. It could be easy to just pretend that it never happened. Cas could walk away and Dean would just enjoy his pie silently. But it's impossible, because it happened and it felt so natural that it took Dean at least 2 minutes to realize what he just did.

"Cas, I'm sor -" Dean starts.

"No" Cas cuts him. "Just don't, don't apologize, please." He walks closer to the table, where Dean is still sitting but turned around to face him. Dean is surprised by Cas's reaction, because he thought – well, he doesn't know what he thought, but not that for sure. He didn’t expect to hear that tone in his voice, because Cas almost sounded like he was begging. Dean looks up at him as he approaches. Cas walks towards him carefully, like he would try to approach a scared little kitten without making him run away.

"Cas," Dean says, not moving his eyes away from him, and Cas understands so much with his name spoken alone, judging by Dean's voice and his eyes. He stops in front of him, and the hunter doesn't seem to want to run away, because his gaze is locked on the man standing in front of him. Cas reaches out carefully with his hand, brushing Dean's jaw before cupping it. Dean leans into it, closing his eyes. He looks so beautiful and vulnerable like that, and this is only for Cas to see.

"Dean," he lets out, "I'd like to try that again." Dean opens his eyes widely. "Only if you want to." Cas reassures, not wanting to force him.

"Yes." Dean answers and gets up, only then he realizes how close they are standing, even closer than usual. "I - yes." Cas craddles his face again and leans his own head closer. Dean closes his eyes and the gap between them, their lips only brushing against each other at first, as if it was their first kiss. It's not, but it's the first intentional one at least.

It's tender as they stroke each other's lips, Dean's fist holding on Cas's collar, pulling him in. His other hand comes to rest on Cas’s waist, pressing their bodies together. Cas’s hands bury themselves into the hunter’s hair, holding on to them, tugging at them to angle his head as he wishes to. Their kiss turns into something more passionate and desperate, their tongues stroking each other, exploring each other’s mouth. When they part away, both breathless and panting, Dean smirks and declares, “Thank you for the pie, Cas.”

[marcelllyn]

Again

After a long time I decided to come back, I admit I was finding my writing garbage. But anyway, I hope the few people who read this enjoy it. And also look forward to fanfics about my passion of the month, Captain America.

Part 1

Synopsis: A failed actress who is actually a professional hunter joins the Winchesters to solve a vampire case. But Dean, her ex, still has unhappy feelings for her.

Warnings: English is not my first language, imminent failure, and lots of cuteness.

It was a terrible idea to be on the street at that time, sitting on a suitcase in a dark alley, shedding tears of failure and resentment. Hollywood star. She was more like a Hollywood loser.

After another failed test, no money to rent a dirty motel room. My mother's harsh, harsh voice repeated in my head: "You will fail, you will fail, because this is not what you were born to do." Hunting, that's what I was born to do, at least that's what my parents thought.

With each failed test, these words spread more and more throughout my being, like blood running through my veins. Maybe I really was born to be a great hunter.

My melancholy was short-lived when I heard male voices approaching. I might not be afraid of demons or ghosts, but I was afraid of men at night. I raised my hand to pick up a piece of wood lying on the ground. The two men were arguing and ended up stopping at the edge of the alley, the dim light barely illuminating their faces.

— Dean, it's Dad's fault that girl got hurt! — The taller one said irritably. — How many times do I have to say that this obsession is unhealthy and hurts people?

— It's not intentional, Sammy! — The other said, running his hand across his forehead. — And that's no reason to yell at him like that and… I was standing, holding a piece of wood threateningly, but upon hearing Sammy's nickname, I lowered the bat.

— Winchesters? — I asked, still in a tearful voice.

The two of them furrowed their eyebrows and said together:

— Do we know you?

I walked a little closer, with a sweet smile on my face.

— It's a wonder they don't remember me. — He laughed softly. — Y/N Graham. It's been long years since John took you to my parents' house.

Dean raised his eyebrows as if his vague memory had returned.

— No kidding! — Dean said excitedly. — I thought I would never see you again, your parents said you became aimless or something the last time I went to visit them.

Aimless… very dignified.

— Actress, I became an actress. — I corrected him. — Sam, how you've grown!

Sam was a lot smaller when I was seventeen, and then suddenly he was taller than Dean. This made me feel old age knocking on the door.

— And you're still the same height. — Mess up my hair. I laughed and watched the two of them, Dean's nose was a little purple and Sam's face was bruised and melancholic.

— Still hunting?

— That wouldn't be new, it's just…

Family. — I added. — A very dangerous family thing. — I pointed to his nose. A minute silence remained between us.

— Actress, then? — Sam asked. — What kind of films do you make?

— I hope it's not the kind of movie I watch. Dean laughed.

— Until now, I've only acted in commercials and other small things. And unfortunately for you, Dean, no adult films. The three of us laughed together. A strange but familiar heat filled my body. And for a few seconds, it was Dean and I as teenagers and Sam, a pre-teen, sitting on the couch laughing like idiots.

—And what are you doing in a dark alley? Sammy asked.

— I'm having trouble finding a hotel. — I left out the part where I didn't have a dollar in my pocket.

Dean fake coughed, I always hated how he could read me like a book.

— You can stay the night in our hotel room. - He offered, picking up the bags that were on the floor. — As long as you need, the only detail… — He put his bags in the car. — John is there.

I rolled my eyes. But I couldn't do without a good room.

— For one night, I can bear it. — I laughed, sitting in the back seat.

I hope so. He's not in the best of moods, and it's enough of Sam being grumpy. — Dean got into the car, sitting in the driver's seat. — He and Dad are fighting all the time, I think I'm going crazy. Sam entered soon after. I noticed how silent he was, sadly silent. I deduced that it was John's fault, he was terrible, he always was.

— Did you finish talking, daddy? How old are you? Twelve? — I scoffed.

— Shut up, or I'll leave you on the street. — He pinched my nose. As if it were muscle memory.

The journey listening to Bon Jovi was calming, having my friends by my side again was an incredible thing, having Dean by my side was an incredible thing. He was always one of those boyfriends you never forget, the kind you'd tell your kids about when you were getting divorced. He was incredible, beautiful and had eyes… His green eyes were so beautiful they hurt.

— We’re here! — Dean said, parking and quickly getting out of the car. Sam remained silent.

— Sammy, I like how your hair looks, it’s stylish. — I poked him in a way to alleviate whatever it was.

— Only Dean calls me Sammy. — Those were his last words before getting out of the car.

I got out of the car, cradling myself between the seat that Sam — Damn two-door car — Sam was standing there looking at the sky, while the other one took the bags out of the car.

— How do you make money on hunts? — I asked curiously, since that motel didn't seem half-baked.

— You don't want to know.

— Gambling, right? — I laughed, approaching Dean and taking a small suitcase.

Dean laughed, carrying the heavier bags inside. And wow, how sexy he looked carrying those heavy suitcases. I walked up behind him, almost letting out a whistle. I entered the messy motel room, full of packages and clothes on the floor, typical of Dean, but lying on one of the beds was John reading a book.

— Home sweet home. - He put the bags in a corner. — Don't run out of hot water and don't you dare touch my suitcase.

— Why is there some rotten secret there? — She said provocatively close to his ear.

— We have a visitor. — John sat down.

— She's James Graham's daughter, you know that friend of yours who was always offering me champagne? — He takes some clothes off the other bed. — And she's my ex-girlfriend.

— I remember her, she was the one who broke my nose. — John said unsympathetically. — And he tried to convince Sam to leave the hunt.

—Things of the past. — She laughed embarrassedly. — I won't stay for long.

— I hope not, we have an important case and you are a distraction.

I took a deep breath.

-Are you hungry? — Dean took my arm almost like a plea. — There's a snack bar nearby.

— I'm not hungry, thank you. — I sat on the bed. — What case? Is it a vampire? Like Edward from Twilight? — He said, moving some discarded papers.

— Vampires aren't like Twilight's Edward. — Dean laughed, looking for something in the drawers. — But yes, it's a vampire case.

I stuck my tongue out at him. Deep down, the request to eat far away and be able to talk to him alone didn't seem so bad.

— You know what, I think I'm hungry. — I got up, heading towards the door.

Walking past the door, Sam was still outside, sitting on the hood of the car with his sad puppy face.

-Hey, Sam, go keep an eye on Dad. I'll take this lady out to eat. — Dean said, getting into the car.

Sam seemed to understand that it wasn't just a late-night snack. Even though Sam was my favorite, Dean was my ex-boyfriend.

— Of course, and don't come back late. — He replied somewhat apathetically.I got in the car, Dean started it and headed towards the most rotten cafeteria you could have, greasy tables, full trash cans, dead cockroaches in the corners, it was almost offensive to take someone to eat in that place.

— I could never get used to eating in a place like this. — I sat at the table, less filthy. — We have no danger of being attacked by vampires here. We have?

— Are you with Dean Winchester and are you scared of some vampires? — He laughed sarcastically. — Actress, then?

-Actress. — I let out a short, sad laugh. — You would make a good firefighter.

— Maybe when I'm around 48 or 50 years old. — Laughs. — You know you can't lie to me.

— I didn't lie when I said you could be a good firefighter. Maybe those who attend bachelor parties. — The waitress, a lady with greasy blond hair and poorly done makeup and a surly face, stopped at our table. — I want a chocolate milkshake and waffles.

— A coffee and a burger, please. — He completed and then she went to the kitchen. — She's sad, depressed. I can see it on your face, and Sam and I just didn't want to be rude when we saw that you were probably going to be sleeping on the street tonight.

— It's just a difficult time.

— It's been difficult since the beginning, then? — He arched an eyebrow. — Look, anyone born a hunter is unhappy in any profession. You are a great hunter.

— I was great. And also, who is running around at risk of death and practically not having a life? — I snorted. — I want to get married, I want to have children. Without the worry of having vampires running around or a spirit.

Dean laughed softly and said:

— That's true, but have you ever thought that maybe you're not a good actress?

— Dean… — I rolled my eyes. — Obviously already, and every day that seems more true.

— Remember when we were seventeen, you said you wanted to be a chef in a five-star restaurant. — His gaze was loving. — You can be anything you want, like Barbie says.

I laughed loudly, scaring the drunks, widowers, and people sleeping at the tables.

— Dean, I appreciate your advice.

— It's ten dollars. — Poke me. — You can stay with us as long as we stay here.

— I don't know if I can stand so much time with your father.

— To be quite honest, neither do I. And another question, don't you have a boyfriend?

— What a personal question. — I put my hand on my chin. — But no, Dean, I don't have a boyfriend and I don't want one.

— That's good, no chance of someone suddenly wanting to show up and punch me. — His characteristic smile could make any heart melt, even more than Sam's puppy dog ​​eyes.

— I do this because I don't have a boyfriend.

— I doubt it, you must be all rusty. — He provoked. — You know, because you don't give hunting another chance. I propose we resolve this case and, if you don't like it, you go back to being an actress and, if you like it, you spend a little more time with my beautiful company.

— The Impala will be crowded.

[adidegmez]

spn s7 spoilers

s7 ep1(meet the new boss)

the cas we know is gone. dean,sam and bobby are accepting cas is god so easily. i thought they wouldn't call him god that easy. i love death. but really, dean gave up on cas so quickly. cas is back. and he is gone, again. he'll be back.

s7 ep2(hello, cruel world)

lucifer… i love winchester's relationship. i loved bobby's house now, everything is gone. bobby isn't gone he cant be.

s7 ep3(the girl next door)

i love sam. how could dean do that? why did he do that? is he real dean? i cant believe this.

s7 ep4(defending your life)

good guys always feel guilty. even if its not their fault. even if they know its not their fault. i was mad about dean killing amy. but then i thought about it. i thought they didnt kill lenore but then i remembered she didnt kill anyone when they let go of her. amy and lenore are not the same. and in the end dean was right imo. because amy killed for her kid and if her son gets sick she would kill again.

s7 ep5(shut up, dr. phil)

I thought the Amy topic was closed. I was wrong. we'll see later how it ends, i guess.

s7 ep6(slash fiction)

dean always deserves good things in his life, so does sam. finally sam learned about amy. he'll forgive dean, probably.

s7 ep7(the mentalists)

sammy ad dean back together again. i love them.

s7 ep8(season seven, time for a wedding!)

ep name is weird. this should be fun. i love the temp. idk but i kinda like crowley when he is not messing with the boys.

s7 ep9(how to win friends and influence monsters)

i dotcare thati dont care. ilove that scene. bobby cant die like that.

s7 ep10(death's door)

he can't die. it was nice to see rufus. i knew bobby would die. i saw spoilers before but i didnt think he would die this season. he cant die. he left the winchesters. goodbye bobby. winchesters are alone, again. i want to think bobby will return but i dont think he will.

s7 ep11(adventures in babysitting)

i like krissy. i love dean with kid. he is so sweet.

s7 ep12(time after time after time)

dean knows his brother so well.

s7 ep13(the slice girls)

emma is dean's child? Sam and Dean shouldn't have split up. emma and amy werent the same. amy killed, emma didnt. she was goin o kill dean i know but i just wanted to say there is difference. and i think there are 2 kinds of moster to dean: those who kill people and those who didn't kill people, yet. and dean thinks tho who didnt kill could be saved. and i think he is right.

s7 ep14(plucky pennywhistle's magical menagerie)

bad cop sam. he is funny. clowns were scary. supernatural gives me new fears. i miss cas when is he coming back?

s7 ep15(repo man)

jeffrey is a good guy. i liked him. lucifer is funny. and jeffrey is a psychopath.

s7 ep16(out with the old)

i liked frank but i really miss bobby. I don't understand how Dean finds time to watch so many movies. i knew frank would die. but know thinking about it i think he is not dead, yet. ıf he was dead there would be a body.

s7 ep17(the born-again identity)

i want to see cas and crowley. i miss them. did bobby refuse to go? and now he is going with winchesters everywhere and helping them? because that notebook cannot have fallen by itself. It hurts me that Cas was the one who did this to Sam. Sam has been through a lot. I hope he can get over this soon. cas!!! i wanna cry(well im crying little bit). cas is back? he is emanuel, what? he is cas. meg?! sam is still helping people. i love him. cas is back. he saved sam:) but now he is left behind, with meg! i hope dean knows where meg is and she wont do anything bad for winchesters and cas.

s7 ep18(party on, garth)

okay dean knows about meg. garth is funny. i missed impala. bobby is here!!! i want to see him more. but why couldn't he contact them? i hope we can learn it.

s7 ep19(of grave importance)

bobby finally talked. i love him. what he did was kinda wrong. but without him boys would be dead so many times. i hope things wont end bad for bobby but i doubt it. but i am glad to see him anyways.

s7 ep20(the girl with the dungeons and dragons tattoo)

i know new characters will come to spn and i am so excited to meet them. i saw them on the internet and i cant wait to see their relationship with the boys. and Charlie is one of them. and i am happy she came. i like her. bobby will do something bad isnt he? she is a nerd:) . well, is Charlie coming back?

s7 ep21(reading is fundamental)

hi cas(and meg). no way home😅(iloveyouguys). i really missed cas. he is even funnier now. he is happier. cas would do anything for the winchesters. i hate leviathans. i hope we'll see cas and meg again.

s7 ep22(there will be blood)

i wanted to see crowley. bobby is not truly gone, not now at least. this wont end good for bobby. there is 8 seasons left i am happy i get to spend so many time with my favorite characters.

s7 ep23(survival of the fittest)

goodbye bobby. baby is back!!! i knew dean wouldnt hurt baby like that. i'm glad dean forgive cas. i love their friendship. purgatory, seriously?! crowley does whatever he wants whenever he wants. and he got meg and the world. and sam is alone. Cas left Dean. of course, he'll get back(i'm 99% sure). i cant wait to see how they will survive this?

[kanobeanz]

Hello Kan! Anything you want to infodump about? XD

alskdjfhg thank you so much for asking omg (no pressure to read btw I got kinda carried away lmao)

yes so i watched the heathers movie for the first time in a while with a friend yesterday, and it was frickin amazing i just love how christian slater (the actor who plays the psycho boyfriend jason dean) is just so jittery in his movements and creates a perfect balance of making you feel uneasy around him but also feel drawn in and want to know more about him. he really gives off a unstable, psychopathic vibe, especially at the end where he’s trying to blow up the school, but it’s also interesting to compare his performance with an actor from the musical version of heathers, particularly jamie muscato from the west end version of heathers. i am in love with jamie’s performance, he has the same shaky movements and hunched back as christian slater and also ryan mccartan from the off-broadway production of heathers, but what makes jamie’s performance so special is that even though he’s a psychopath, you can tell that he’s actually a teenager and still unsure in his movements, and this is really seen in meant to be yours because it’s like he’s switching back and forth of two different personalities in the show, sometimes being just an anxious young boy who’s lost in his world, as he paces around and pulls at his shirt, hunching over while making jerky movements and furrowing his eyebrows. i guess in a way this isn’t very comparable to christian slater who doesn’t have to sing a song in the heathers movie, but i just wanted to talk about how amazing i think jamie is at performing, especially as he often gets overlooked for his weird accent (he puts on a strange mish-mash of american accents to show how much he’s been moved around in his life that he hasn’t even developed one singular accent), and the fact that a lot of the heathers musical fandom don’t really like the west end version of heathers anyway, just because it’s not the same as the original off-broadway one.

um yeah thank you if you got this far, thanks so much for the ask eli!!!

[bananacorn-limeade]

1961's The WORLD of ICE and FIRE

I'm going to do it. I'm going to self-indulge!

The Roger Corman ASOIAF production post is mostly just a novelty, but since I'm me, I have a lot of FEELINGS and OPINIONS about this cast. Naturally.

Anyway. Here's how well I think the actors in my post would play their roles, from worst to best.

#19, Worst: John Ashley as Robb Stark

You know how Ben Affleck has a face that knows about emails? John Ashley has a face that knows about sock hops. Woefully miscast.

#18: Tor Johnson as Gregor Clegane

God love the big guy, but I've only ever seen him make this face. Also, despite his repertoire of roles suggesting otherwise on paper, he just doesn't seem like a mean guy.

#17: John Agar as Jaime Lannister

Another terrible choice. The only reason he's not ranked as worst is because his soulless performance would make viewers interpret Jaime as an absolutely irredeemable sociopath, which at least would be... uh, interesting, I guess.

#16 Robert Reed as Renly Baratheon

Renly, but only if he was the most boring Baratheon. Go ahead, try to picture Reed eating a peach. You can't.

#15 Dawn Bender as Arya Stark

Aw, she'd try. But I feel like her attempts at Arya's fire would mostly come off as petulance.

#14 Richard Carlson as Ned Stark

Sorry, what? I fell asleep for a minute there.

#13 June Kenney as Daenerys Targaryen

Kenney would try her level best, but you know Corman would do a terrible job incorporating her storyline with the main plot, so she wouldn't have much to do except lounge around on mildly offensive orientalist sets and talk to her force-perspective dragon puppets. (Stop-motion you say? What, you think American International is made of money?)

#12 Dolores Faith as Sansa Stark

Again, no knock to Faith, but as with Daenerys, I think a 1961 production would flatten Sansa's character away to nothing. She'd get to pine and wear some nice dresses.

#11 Anthony Dexter as Petyr Baelish

This guy can play oily like nobody's business (check him out in 1962's Married Too Young), but 5D-chess-level deviousness might be beyond him.

#10 Michael Dunn as Tyrion Lannister

Full disclosure: I'm plopping him in the middle because I've never seen him in anything! The only little person I've personally seen in Corman's movies is Billy Barty (playing an actual, literal imp), and Dunn was someone I found who was said to play much meatier roles. In general, I think the depth of Tyrion's character would seriously challenge 1960s casting directors who were used to casting little people in jokey roles or as something less than human. One of many problems they'd have with the source material, no doubt.

#9 Lon Cheney Jr. as Sandor Clegane

Here's another actor who would do the best with what he was given - which would be an essentially empty role. This Sandor would be a beast used only for jump scares, with too much rubber over his face to ever show an emotion.

#8 Glen Langan as Stannis Baratheon

Langan would be serious, but dull, with lots of droning sermonizing. In other words, perfect. Still boring though.

#7 Basil Rathbone as Tywin Lannister

Who better to play a role totally owned by Charles Dance than an actor who's even Charles Dancier? The only reason I'm not ranking this legend higher is because I do think he'd kind of sleepwalk through this role, especially at this stage in his career.

#6 Raymond Burr as Robert Baratheon

The future Mr. Perry Mason was damn good at playing hard-drinking, prowly, "beastly" men. See him in this fabulous trailer for 1951's Bride of the Gorilla (spoiler: Burr is the gorilla). Of course, for this production, he'd be about 10 years on from that virile role, but that's perfectly on brand for Bobby B.

#5 Michael Landon as Jon Snow

Landon's tortured James Dean era would be a great fit for angsty goth teen Jon, though he might have trouble keeping his feelings as hidden as Jon does.

#4 Allison Hayes as Melisandre

Should she be ranked this high? Eh, maybe not, but this woman is a goddamn B-movie bombshell goddess. Her Red Woman would be a little less mysterious, sure, but her perfectly arched eyebrows and bullet bra would do R'hllor proud all the same.

#3 Marie Windsor as Catelyn Stark

They didn't call her Queen of the B's for nothing. Windsor always did great with roles that call for strength and verve. She'd be a fantastic Cat, and - dare I dream it - an even better Lady Stoneheart.

#2 Jack Nicholson as Theon Greyjoy

Now this would be fun. If baby Jack Nicholson had half the presence and charisma he would show in later movies, his Theon would be legendary.

#1 Coleen Gray as Cersei Lannister

If I can get Tumblr to understand one thing, it's how much Coleen Gray would absolutely eat in the role of Cersei. She's beautiful. She's a schemer. She's a helpless victim. She's back for revenge. I challenge anyone to watch her insane, murderous, fierce, gorgeous, duplicitous performance in 1960's otherwise pretty terrible The Leech Woman and not come to the same conclusion. I'm serious. There would be no survivors. 👑

[hebrokein30]

for @wincestwednesdays day 3: radio

Müde bin ich, geh zur Ruh'

Dean likes going to bed. It's one of those mundane, boring, humiliating human things but hell. Dean is allowed to enjoy himself with that at least. It's the in between hunt nights he enjoys the most. Where he really can get into it without having to think too much about other things. There's a whole process behind it. When they were children, Dad would make them share a bath and scrub themselves clean (there was a whole lot of water splashing and kicking and screaming involved) and if they were lucky they could watch that new action movie on TV, which Dean looked forward to, and then Sammy'd sit in bed next to him and read from his little children's book and Dean would pretend to be annoyed but would listen to the little lisb in Sam's speech because he still kept losing teeth. That changed over time, and so did the books, becoming first adventure stories and fantasy, which he enjoyed, then Sam developed a taste for fancy artistic stuff, which creeped Dean out (who'd wanna read about someone turning into a giant bug for gods sakes?). When Sam started reading articles about the differences of pest boils in different animal species, Dean'd tell him to fuck off or shut up. It usually worked. After Stanford, Sam developed a habit of keeping the little portable radio on the bedside table and listen to police chatter, anything he might find important. When it wasn't that bad anymore, sometimes he'd find a comedy show station, which he didn't really enjoy but Dean found hilarious and so he kept it on until Dean's laughter faded away into snoring.

Dean turns off the shower with a satisfied sigh. His skin is tingling and raw from the hot water and the excellent pressure, he's smelling nice and clean and that's about the best thing in the world. Well. Almost the best thing. Definitely up there in the top ten anyway. "Drained the pipes yet?" Dean's turning to find Sam standing by the sinks, wiping a mirror with a towel which, oh yeah, did steam up pretty good. "Gotta take care of the pipes Sammy", he says, making his voice sleazy the way Sam hates but secretly loves, Dean knows that. "'S important. Wouldn't want them to rust." Sam rolls his eyes but there's a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "My pipes ain't rusty", Dean finishes, drying his hair with a towel. "No", Sam says, his tone low, "I make sure of that." Dean emerges from the towel and catches Sam's gaze in the mirror, trailing slowly over Dean's naked body. Dean grins. "Hurry up, bitch" he says, and strides out of the bathroom, butt naked. He can do that now, in this place that only belongs to them. He dresses in his room, the softest boxers he could find and nothing else, because Sam is an oven and he doesn't want to die from heat exposure. He gets into bed and sighs at the feeling of his mattress giving into the curves of his body. Best damn thing he ever bought, this mattress, and Sam can roll his eyes at that until they're stuck to the roof of his head. Dean just closes his eyes when Sam strides into the room and makes the mattress dip under his weight. He smells like peppermint and aftershave (the weirdo shaves at night) and so Dean let's himself be pulled into the dip Sam is making. "Scoot over", Sam says and Dean wiggles away a bit, eyes still closed, until Sam is finally lying down and then Dean presses up against him again, his nose burying into the middle of Sam's (very fantastic very comfortable) chest. Sam oofs, but doesn't push him away, and Dean feels him getting comfortable, a hand at Dean's back, keeping him close. Dean hums and feels himself relaxing. The room is cool, but Sam is warm, and the bedsheets smell nice because he bought them and washed them and changed them himself, just this morning. There's a click and the light behind Dean's eyelids turns black. He sighs again, breathing deep. He could fall asleep in the next three seconds he really could. There's just something missing. Sam keeps fumbling around behind Dean's back. Deans just about to open his eyes and see what's going on, when someone starts talking way too loudly into his ear. "But how did they manage to decapitate the victim with--" "Sorry, sorry!", Sam says, and Dean jumps, startled, only lying down because Sam keeps pressing him down into his chest with the hand on his back, stroking clumsily in an attempt to soothe him. "Dude, what the hell?" Dean says, and then "Is that your freaking podcast again?!" "It's the last episode of the season". Dean buries his nose into Sam's ches and groans. "This thing has seasons?!" "Shhhh", Sam says and doesn't dignify Dean with an answer. He has turned down the volume significantly though and curled up around Dean, his nose in Dean's hair, making a cocoon of their bodies. "...what happened, between that afternoon and when the bodies were found strung up over a river?" Dean groans again. "You know, for Christmas I'm gonna get you those headphones you refuse to buy. Or you could get me a nice pair of earplugs. I heard they were good for, you know, silence and sleeping". But Sam only hums, totally relaxed, the bastard. Dean closes his eyes again and tries to get into his sleeping groove. One day Sams little podcasts are gonna give him worse nightmares than the one time Sam read about governmental sleep experiments. Even if its just for the shock value of having this thing played directly into his ear. But the voice behind him is quiet enough to fade into a background murmur, easy enough to ignore, and Sam is still warm and still smells nice and familiar and it's...not so bad. Dean likes going to bed after all. Sam's little nerdy podcasts are just part of the process.

[crystalninjaphoenix]

Colder Weather

Paranormal Preteens AU: Episode Twenty-One

A JSE Fanfic

Welcome to the third season of PNPT—both in the sense of the time of year, and in the sense of an arc of a story. The kids have laid low for a while, but they're still planning to meet up and talk about stuff, just to be sure nothing's happening. But something does happen. JJ gets something strange from their school. Could the Circle or Anti be involved? Read to find out! :D

More of this AU | From the Start

++++++++++++++++++++

Winter break was coming up. A week after the paperpillar incident, the school officially put its Christmas decorations up—though some teachers had their classrooms decorated since the beginning of November. The kids hadn’t had any trouble from the teachers belonging to the Circle. Which was a bit strange. After all, Mrs. Karter went out of her way to confront them. The Circle must have known what they talked about. Maybe the Circle was also waiting. Waiting to see what the kids would do.

Well, the truth was, not much. They’d agreed to lay off the supernatural hunting until after the holidays. And even if they hadn’t, the end of the term was fast approaching, and that meant they had to get through exams before they could finally have their winter holiday. 

“I hate exams,” Chase complained one day at lunch.

“Yes, you have said that a lot,” Schneep muttered. “And I tell you, once the exams are done, they are done. You do not have to worry about them.”

JJ shook his head. It’s the buildup that’s the worst. The anticipation. And then when it’s finally the day, there’s a time limit to complete it. It’s too much pressure.

“Yeah, well, at least you get fucking hundreds all the time,” Marvin said, idly tearing apart his empty milk carton. “Imagine what it’s like for those of us who aren’t actually that smart.”

You’re very smart, Marvin, just not in a school way, JJ said.

Marvin blinked. “Yeah. And... we’re in a school.” He gestured around at the cafeteria. “Where did you think we were? Fucking outer space?”

JJ rolled his eyes. Okay, I get it.

“Stacy, what do you think about exams?” Schneep asked.

Stacy shrugged. “I dunno. I guess I don’t really have strong feelings? Uh... I think I hate homework more, though. At least at school it’s usually quiet. So hard to do my work when Roxy is watching Barbie movies in the next room.”

“Anyway, d’you guys think we can meet up after school today?” Chase asked. “I already asked Jackie, and he said he was free all day. We can go to Zelly’s and talk about... stuff.” He gave them all a meaningful look.

The greenlight and Anti? JJ asked.

“Don’t say it out loud!”

JJ raised an eyebrow. I didn’t.

Chase blinked. Then he burst into laughter. “I-I didn’t even realize—that just slipped right by me!”

JJ also chuckled. Most people in this school don’t know BSL. They won’t realize what I’m saying.

“Pretty helpful!” Marvin said cheerfully. “I’ve asked him to help me with exams before but he’s always denied it.”

Because it would still be obvious what I’m doing, I’m not getting you in trouble for that, JJ said.

“Well, I don’t have anything today, either,” Stacy shrugged. “So yeah. I can go to Zelly’s after school.”

“Chase, should we not study?” Schneep asked. “If you are so concerned about exams, studying will help.”

Chase groaned. “We’ll have plenty of time to study today! We’re not gonna be there until bedtime!” He rolled his eyes, then looked right at Schneep. “And if you’re worried about Mom, she’s not gonna be too bothered about us not studying every day. Even with tests coming up.”

Schneep nodded slowly. “I suppose that is true... she has not been like that...” He shook his head and cleared his throat. “Well, if that is the case, we can do so, too.”

JJ frowned. We can’t go directly after school. I have to go to the dean’s office.

“Huh? Why?” Stacy asked. “Did you do something?”

I’m not sure, they just sent a note to my homeroom. I think I’m supposed to pick something up. He sighed.

“Well... be careful.” Chase frowned. “It could be a trap.”

“Don’t worry, I’m gonna go with him,” Marvin said. “They couldn’t stop me if they tried! And if it does turn out to be something with those Circle guys, I’m prepared.” He drummed his fingers on the table, sending tiny ripples of green light across its surface.

“So... we can go around dinner time, then?” Chase said. “Maybe?”

The others agreed that would work out for all of them. Shortly after, the lunch period ended, and they headed off to their respective classes.

++++++++++++++++++++

JJ’s last class of the day was his Physics class, up on the third floor of the school. It was a long walk down to the first, ground floor where the dean’s office was. Not to mention he had to stop by his locker on the second floor to grab all the textbooks he’d need for homework that night; he never wanted to carry them all around, all day. 

He finished stuffing his bag with the books and turned around, waiting for Marvin to meet him here like they’d planned. He looked one way down the hallway—

And then something flew down the hallway from the other direction and hit the back of his head.

He turned back around, surprised and a bit nervous, and saw a paper airplane at his feet. “Sorry!” a voice shouted, and a boy his age ran up to him. “I wasn’t aiming for you! Guess the design needs some work, haha.”

JJ froze up a little. Oh shit. River Bailey was talking to him.

River was a boy he had a couple classes with, with messy blonde hair and big green eyes. He always wore a brown leather jacket with fur around the collar. Even when strict teachers tried to get him to take it off, he would just put it back on whenever they weren’t looking, like it was a game to see if he could get away with it. Some time last year, JJ realized that he was starting to feel... weird whenever River was around. Like... his face kept getting hot. And he just wanted to stare at him. And he wondered what it would be like to talk to him, really talk to him, outside of school projects, but thinking about that made his stomach jump a little. And then, at the end of last school year, JJ finally had a name for these weird feelings. But he didn’t ever want to say it out loud.

Oh no he’d been quiet for too long. JJ smiled, then reached down and picked up the paper airplane, handing it to River.

“Thanks!” River grinned and took it, examining it. “Yeah, it must be a bit unbalanced.” He looked at JJ. “You’re... Jameson Jackson, right? The quiet kid? With the twin?”

JJ nodded.

“Wicked. Is this your locker?”

JJ nodded again.

“Cool. Mine’s on the corner, there.” River pointed.

It was?! How had he never noticed?!

“See you around!” River smiled and waved, wandering off.

And JJ just stood there, waving back. Wanting to follow after him, but finding his feet rooted to the spot.

Footsteps came up from behind him. “Oooooo.” Marvin appeared at his side as if by magic, grinning. “River talked to you. Congratulations!”

Jameson shoved him. He looked around, slightly panicked, but the hallway was now empty except for the two of them. Don’t say stuff like that! he signed quickly.

Marvin nodded. “Yeah, yeah. D’you know if he knows sign language?”

JJ shook his head. Probably not, to be honest. I’d have to use the notebook.

“Did you?” Marvin asked. “Use the notebook, I mean.”

He shook his head again. There was no time. It was just a passing exchange. That’s all. He looked down at his bag, pretending to zip it up. And I need to get to the dean’s office, remember?

Marvin frowned. “Boo. Fuck the dean’s office. You could’ve had like... an actual conversation. Maybe he’s... you know.”

JJ shook his head again, more fervently than before. He’s probably not. And that’s fine. Now let’s go. He quickly started walking, and Marvin hurried to catch up, falling into place by his side.

A flight of steps and a long hallway later, JJ walked into the dean’s office. The room had glass for walls on two sides, looking out into the school’s front entrance. One of the other walls had windows looking out the front of the school, observing the car park. JJ and Marvin were both very familiar with the layout of the office. The first part was where the receptionist sat, in a big metal desk with an old clunky computer on it. There were a lot of chairs to wait in here, along with a book where you could sign in if you were late to school and missed homeroom roll call. Behind the receptionist desk was another glass wall with an empty doorway in it that led into the dean’s office proper, which was a lot more personally decorated than this front area.

The receptionist—maybe that wasn’t the proper word for the role but neither of the twins knew what the proper word was—looked up as the twins entered. She smiled warmly. A nameplate on her desk identified her as Mrs. Lowe. “Hello there, boys. How can I help you?”

JJ nudged Marvin slightly, and he said, “My brother got a note to see the dean? His name’s Jameson Jackson.” As Marvin spoke, JJ took out said note and passed it to Mrs. Lowe.

“Alrighty, one second.” She took the note, and used the mouse to click something on the computer. “Okay, everything’s set! I’ll go get Mr. Worrall.” And she stood up, going through the empty doorway into the office.

Think it’s worth it to sit down? Marvin asked JJ.

No, hopefully we’re not here too long, JJ said.

Do you think it’s another award thing?

Definitely. That was the only reason he ever went down to the dean’s office. There would be an award ceremony later, but there was always a moment at first when they let him know he won something, maybe passed out a small certificate. They apparently hadn’t contacted Mam and Dad this time, but they didn’t always.

Mrs. Lowe returned with Mr. Worrall, the dean, in tow. “Ah, Mr. Jameson Jackson, always good to see you down here!” he said, clapping his hands together and smiling.

Jameson nodded and smiled back.

“Feels like just yesterday I saw you in here for Excellency in English—or was that Excellency in Maths?” Worrall chuckled in a friendly, but slightly fake-sounding, way. “Well, I’m sure you remember this one. The Royal Choice for winter term. Three years in a row! Very impressive, very impressive. In fact, it’s so impressive, that this year, before the actual assembly, we wanted to give you a little gift. Think of it as an early Christmas present.”

It was then that JJ noticed Mrs. Lowe was holding something. A green gift bag with white tissue paper. She walked over to him and held it out. “Congratulations, Mr. Jackson.”

Well... this was new. Sometimes the awards came with little trophies or medallions. Stuff like that. JJ would think that this was something like that, but the bag was a bit bigger than necessary for a trinket that small. Even so, JJ smiled and took the bag, signing Thank you with his other hand.

“No, thank you, Mr. Jackson, for being such an exemplary student!” Worrell smiled. He knew that sign—but JJ knew from experience that the dean couldn’t follow a full BSL conversation. “Please, carry on. The assembly will be on the nineteenth, at nine o’clock. Please let your parents know.”

The last day before winter holiday. That made sense. JJ nodded again, still smiling, then turned and waved goodbye, heading for the office door with Marvin right behind him. The adults didn’t stop them; apparently they had nothing more to add.

The two of them were quiet until after they left the building. At which point, Marvin started talking. “That was a bit weird. I mean, I’ve never heard of them giving out presents with the award stuff—but then again, I’m not really involved in all that, so I wouldn’t know. But don’t you think it’s a little suspicious?” He leaned closer to JJ. “We know some of the teachers are in with the Circle. And he said the teachers have given you this present. What if it’s—it’s some sort of trap in there?”

JJ considered that. But there’s a chance it could be real, he said. And Mam and Dad would be so upset if they heard that I got some special gift for my academics and we... like, got rid of it or something.

Marvin grumbled. “They don’t have to find out. We could, you know, fucking lie to them?”

Okay, but what if they talk to teachers at the assembly and they ask about how I liked the gift? JJ pointed out. I think we should play it safe. If it turns out to be some Circle thing, we can get rid of it later, and say that we lost it.

“Fiiiiine.” Marvin shook his head. “I think this is a fucking stupid idea, though. What’s in the bag, anyway?”

Let’s wait until we get home, JJ said.

“You can fake your first reaction for Mam and Dad, yknow.”

Well, also it’s cold and I don’t want to waste any more time out here, JJ said, hurrying over to the school bike rack.

“Okay, that’s fair.” Marvin followed him, and the two of them unlocked their bike chains and quickly pedaled off down the street, hoping to get home quickly.

++++++++++++++++++++

Mam was in the kitchen when the twins got home, talking with Granmam. But she immediately stopped once she saw them come in. “Hello boys!” she said, smiling. “Was the ride home from school okay? Oh, what d’you have t’ere, Jameson?”

JJ had put the gift bag into his school bag for the bike ride, but stopped outside to take it out again. He set it down on the kitchen table. I got another Royal Choice award for the term, he said. And the dean said the teachers wanted to give me a gift for getting it every term three years straight.

“Oh!” Mam’s eyes lit up. “Well, take it into the living room, we can open it up t’ere!” She hurried out of the kitchen and towards the staircase. “Rob! The school gave Jameson...” Her voice faded away as she climbed up them.

“Congrats, lad,” Granmam said, giving him a small smile. She was holding a mug in her hand, which she took a sip from. “Either of you want tea? I jus’ made a kettle.”

“Nah, I’m good,” Marvin said. “Thanks, Granmam.”

Same. JJ nodded.

“Very well.” She took another sip. “Well, let’s see what all t’is nonsense is about, t’en. To the livin’ room.”

The whole family crowded into the living room. “Here, sit on the sofa, Jameson,” Dad said, angling him perfectly. Mam was fiddling with the camera, getting it set up. Meanwhile, Granmam sat in the armchair in the corner, frowning while the parents couldn’t see her, and Marvin was sitting on the floor, using a cat toy to play with their kitten, Sinney. Her big green eyes followed the end of the string diligently, but she wasn’t quite coordinated enough to catch it yet.

JJ sat down on the sofa, watching all this, trying not to squirm. “Alright, go on, show what it is,” Mam said encouragingly. He nodded and opened up the gift bag, pulling out the tissue paper until he could see what was inside. What... was it? He’d been expecting something like a congratulatory T-shirt, or maybe some sort of water bottle. This was... weird. He reached inside and pulled out some sort of toy. A doll, made of soft fabric and cotton. It wore a smaller version of the school uniform, and had brown yarn hair and black button eyes. He held it in both hands and squeezed the torso until his fingers touched, going all the way around. There was a tag around the arm that read “Congratulations! Hollewych Secondary School is happy to have you!”

Marvin looked up, seeing it. “What the fuck is that?”

“Language, Marvin,” Dad said idly.

JJ turned the doll around and held it up for the rest of the room to see.

“Whaaaat the fuuuuck?” Marvin said, eyes going wide.

Granmam raised an eyebrow. “Bejesus. T’at’s an odd t’ing to give your student, isn’ it?”

“Oh, but I t’ink it’s cute!” Mam said, sounding delighted. “Here, Jameson, smile for the camera.”

JJ did so, smiling while she took a couple pictures. As soon as she was done, he turned it around, looking at it again. Studying it. Yeah... this was weird. This was very weird. And a bit creepy. He didn’t like the dead stare of the button eyes. He shivered, then quickly put the doll down, deciding to change the subject. The dean said they’d give me the certificate at an assembly on the nineteenth, at nine o’clock.

“Oh good! I can put in a vacation day request,” Dad said. Behind him, Marvin rolled his eyes.

“We’ll be right t’ere, cheering you on!” Mam added cheerfully.

Marvin groaned slightly. Granmam glanced at him, then cleared her throat. “Well, take yer mans up to your bedroom, t’en, Jems. Put it somewhere... safe.”

JJ nodded, standing up. Oh, before he forgot. Mam, Dad, some friends invited us out to dinner. Can we go?

“With exams coming up?” Mam frowned.

“Come on, Em, he’s clearly been working hard enough,” Dad said. “You can go, Jameson, don’t worry. But remember when bedtime is. You need to be home before that, so call us well before then. To account for driving times.”

JJ nodded again. He picked up the doll and looked over at Marvin, jerking his head back to the hallway. Marvin carefully moved Sinney off his leg and stood up, and the two of them headed upstairs to their bedroom.

Marvin closed the door as soon as they were inside. “Okay, but we can agree that thing’s fucking weird, right?” He pointed at the doll. “Who the fuck gives something like that as an award for—for whatever the fuck you did?”

JJ tossed the doll into the corner, where it disappeared behind a pile of dirty clothes. It’s creepy.

“Huh? I mean, I guess? I don’t really see it, but if you do, sure. It’s more like—like why the fuck would you do that? That’s such a weird thing to give you. It feels... personal.”

It does. JJ shuddered. Perhaps that was partly why the doll was creeping him out. So... do you think it might be from the Circle after all, then?

“Oh, for sure. I’m not sure why, but it definitely is.” Marvin glared into the corner. “Maybe it’s supposed to spy on us or something. Throw it out the window.”

We can’t do that, JJ said. You know Mam and Dad will ask about it for a while. They might even want to put it in the living room or something.

“Fuck them! Come on, JJ, say it with me.” Marvin began chanting it. “Fuck them! Fuck them! Fuck them! Fuck—”

JJ laughed. He shook his head. Stop it, they might hear you.

“They’re downstairs, they can’t hear shit.”

Okay, but seriously, we can’t get rid of it yet, JJ said. We should at least tell the others and get their advice.

“Hmm... yeah, we shouldn’t leave them out of it,” Marvin agreed. “Let’s get changed and get ready. Sounds like Dad wants to drive us there.”

The twins quickly changed out of their school uniforms and into more casual clothes. Then they hung around their room for a while before it was time to go. JJ tried to concentrate on the book he was reading... but somehow, he kept finding his attention drawn to the corner where the doll was. It felt like he waited forever before it was finally time to leave for Zelly’s.

++++++++++++++++++++

“Ah man, everyone else is here.” Chase plopped down into one of the last seats at the table. “I thought we’d be early.”

“Dad dropped us off so we got here faster than we usually do,” Marvin said. “Which like, just makes me want a car. To get places fast. But I do like biking, but it takes so long, y’know?”

“Takes longer in other places,” Jackie said, taking a drink from his glass of water. “We’re really lucky that we can walk to a lot of places.”

Schneep sat down next to Chase and picked up the menu. “Did you all order the orders yet?”

Stacy giggled. “Order the orders.”

“What? It is correct in grammar.”

“No, it is, it’s just funny to hear. Anyway, we didn’t, we told the waiter we were waiting for you.” She giggled again. “Told the waiter we’re waiting.”

Schneep frowned. “English can be strange. But I suppose German can also be strange.”

“So.” Chase folded his arms on the table. “Have any of you guys seen anything weird? Uh, especially, like... Has Anti shown up to any of you guys?”

The group all shook their heads in unison. Not since he knocked out Mrs. Karter and said that stuff about challenging us, JJ said.

“Which was so strange,” Stacy muttered. “This is all like... a game to him.”

“And it’s not to us?” Jackie said. “To you guys?”

“I got pushed down the stairs,” Marvin emphasized. “That’s not a game! That’s—that’s child endangerment!”

Jackie burst into laughter. “God, you’re right, actually.” He coughed, and stopped laughing, becoming serious again. “I’ve been looking more into Jack McLoughlin. I still don’t know where he is or where his family moved to, but Ram’s dad told me something strange when I was over at their house for a game. Apparently the McLoughlins moved really suddenly. Ram’s dad worked with Mr. McLoughlin, and he didn’t tell anyone at his work that the family was moving. Not even his bosses. He just didn’t show up one day, and when the work called him, he quit over the phone.”

“Maybe he simply hated his job?” Schneep asked.

“Maybe. But I’m just saying, that’s not how it usually works. And I don’t think the kids at school knew Jack would be going away until right before he did. He wasn’t really talking about it, y’know?”

Chase frowned. “Weird. I remember Mom and Dad talked about the move for a long time before we moved here. I told all my friends at school, and packing up the boxes took a while, and like... there was stuff with the mail, I think?”

“Moving is a whole process, especially if you’re moving countries,” Jackie agreed. “It’s strange that they just kinda... disappeared one day.”

Maybe they had a reason they had to get out of town fast, JJ said.

“Like Anti,” Stacy added in a quieter voice.

“Like Anti,” Jackie said, nodding.

“Ah... this is not too important to the matter,” Schneep said slowly. “But... what do you mean by ‘a game’? Were you playing sports at your friend’s house?”

Jackie laughed. “I mean, I’d be down to, if my friends wanted to. But nah. We usually meet up at Ram’s house for... uh...” He paused. “Have... you guys heard of Caverns and Creatures?”

“That nerd game where you pretend to have magic?” Marvin asked. Unconsciously, Chase, Stacy, and Schneep all glanced at the cape Marvin was wearing before looking away.

“Yeah, the nerd game where you pretend to have magic. I mean, my character doesn’t have magic, but others do—anyway. We, uh... do that. There. Ram’s good at running campaigns.”

“Campaigns?” Schneep asked.

“That’s what you call a C&C game,” Jackie explained. “It’s a whole thing. If you guys ever want to learn more about it I’d be happy to show you guys.” His eyes lit up as he said that. “I love to get people into it, and I’d love to try CMing sometime—Uh, I mean. If you guys don’t think it’s weird.” Jackie coughed, suddenly looking awkward.

“Uh... I’m not... usually into magic and stuff, but... if you’re interested, maybe?” Chase said reluctantly. He hoped that nobody at school would hear about that. But—no, he shouldn’t care about that. It’d be something fun with his friends. Still... playing a game like that was a step far into the dorky crowd. He wasn’t a dork... or at least not that much of a dork.

We can talk more about it later, JJ said. For now, me and Marvin have something to tell you.

“Yeah.” Marvin nodded, backing him up.

The others all instantly sat up straight, all their attention on the twins. “Did something happen?” Jackie asked. “More stuff about the Circle?”

“Well we think so, but I guess we can’t really be sure, it could just be something weird that happened,” Marvin said. “But I mean everything weird has been connected to greenlight or the Circle in some way in this town so I think it has to be connected too. So you all know how JJ had to go to the dean’s office after school? It was cause they had to tell him he got some award or something. And the dean was like ‘because you’ve won this award so much for the last couple years we’re giving you an extra present’ which I guess makes sense, but when we got home and JJ opened up the bag it was this weird doll thing. Like, a plush doll with button eyes. It was so weird.”

It looked creepy, JJ added.

“I can imagine,” Jackie muttered. “But... yeah, that’s very not-normal. I’ve never even heard of that happening.”

“I got an award last year for my art project, I didn’t get a present with it,” Stacy said.

Schneep shook his head. “That is not a thing in Germany, either. You may get a little sticker or something, maybe a medal, but not a toy. Very strange.”

“I dunno much about all that school award stuff, but that sounds freaky,” Chase said. “So, you think the Circle made that happen somehow?”

JJ nodded. We know that some of the teachers are involved. They could’ve pulled some strings to make it happen.

“I bet it’s some sort of fucking... spy thing,” Marvin said. “To make sure we’re staying out of their way like Mrs. Karter told us to. We gotta get rid of it, right?”

“I think that’s a good idea.” Stacy shrugged. “Is that why you brought it?”

The twins both looked at her, identical expressions on their faces. Mostly confusion... with a bit of fear. “Wh-what do you mean?” Marvin asked.

Stacy pointed at JJ’s bag. “Your shoulder bag is kinda unzipped and I can see something that looks all soft and plushy in there. Is that it?”

JJ looked down at his bag. His face drained of color, and he slowly reached down into the bag—oh so slowly, like he was waiting for someone to stop him. But nobody did. He grabbed something, pulling it out through the gap where the zipper is undone. It was a doll, with brown yarn hair and blue button eyes, wearing a tiny blue jacket and black pants. He gasped in surprise upon seeing it, dropping it on the table.

Marvin frowned. “When did you grab the doll? I didn’t see you do that.”

I didn’t. JJ’s signs were shaky. I know I left it at home.

The other kids stared at the doll on the table. “...Jameson,” Schneep said quietly. “Is it... supposed to look like you?”

“Oh. Oh my god, yeah, i-it’s wearing the same outfit you are!” Jackie gasped. “And the brown hair and blue eyes—”

“Wait a second, I don’t think it had blue eyes before!” Marvin protested.

It didn’t. JJ shook his head. And it was wearing different clothes.

“What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck?” Marvin said under his breath. “Okay, I’m with you now. This is creepy. And it’s definitely some greenlight shit. We have to get rid of it.”

“How do we do that?” Chase asked.

“It’s fucking fabric and cotton, just tear it apart!”

“Noooo nonono, I-I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Jackie said hurriedly. “You guys know about voodoo dolls, right?”

“Hmm?” Schneep blinked. “No, what is that?”

“You know about so much, but you’ve never heard of a voodoo doll?” Chase asked.

“I do not know everything, Chase.”

“It’s fine,” Jackie said. “Uh, basically, a voodoo doll is like—well I think it’s based on a real thing in real life, there’s like a religion in America called hoodoo, I think? I don’t know much about that, though. But in pop culture and shit, a voodoo doll is a doll that’s meant to look like someone, and whatever you do to the doll happens to the person. Like, if you stick a pin in its stomach, the person will feel a sharp pain in their stomach. Or if you hold it underwater the person will have trouble breathing. This doll might be sorta like that.”

JJ was now as white as a ghost. Do you think that’ll happen to me?!

“I don’t know! I-I never thought they’d exist in real life—I mean, like I said, the idea of them in pop culture is probably based on something real but I bet it’s really exaggerated—but other than that, I didn’t think they would—they would—you get what I’m saying, right?” Jackie looked around at the others.

“There’s definitely something weird about how it looks more like JJ,” Marvin muttered.

“But if the doll is like how Jackie described, we should not destroy it, should we?” Schneep fretted. “I do not want JJ to get hurt.”

“He’s not going to get hurt,” Jackie said, looking like he regretted bringing up the possibility. “Here, JJ, just give it to me. I’ll hang onto it. Paul can use it to climb on.” That was what he named the paperpillar after it had shrunk down.

JJ quickly handed the doll over. How is the paper caterpillar, by the way?

“Good, it’s good.” Jackie put the doll in his backpack. “He acts more like a toy than a real animal, I think. One of those robot ones. Doesn’t need to eat anything other than paper, and likes wandering around or ‘sleeping’ sometimes. I’m trying to figure out how to buy a terrarium or something without Dad asking me about it.” He looked around at the others. “Anyone else have anything they wanna report?”

The group all muttered various ‘no’s.

“Great, so we can get food and chill, then,” Stacy said, picking up the menu. “I didn’t know they did actual food, either.”

“I think it’s a new thing,” Chase said. “But last time Schneep and I were here, we got the chicken fingers, they were really good.”

“I want to get that again,” Schneep said. “And I want to hear more about this Cavernous Creatures game Jackie mentioned.”

Jackie laughed a little. “Caverns and Creatures. I think it’s really fun! I mean, I wasn’t too keen on getting into at first, but Sly dragged me into the group he had with Ram, Mincy, and Celine, just for a oneshot, and I really liked it. It can be a bit complicated, though.”

“Isn’t there, like... maths?” Chase asked, making a face.

“It’s just addition and subtraction. But all the numbers could really put people off, I get it.” Jackie grinned. “But it’s mostly very creative. Like writing a story together. Each person makes a character, and they fill out details about the character on a sheet, and that’s where they can also write down the spells and treasure the characters get over the course of an adventure. Then the Cavern Master runs the game, giving you scenarios that you can work through! It’s like—like if any of you have ever played those old text games on computers—”

“Oh, I know those games!” Stacy gasped. “I love those games! And the ones where you click on stuff and do puzzles, too!”

“So... it’s like a video game... but it’s all in your brain?” Chase asked, tilting his head to the side as he considered this.

“Well there’s a board,” Jackie said. “And little pieces you can move around—but the pieces are usually pretty expensive so Ram just uses anything they have around the house.” He laughs.”But yeah! Kinda like a video game in your brain.”

“Oooo.” That did sound more fun than Chase thought. There would still be math, but he could put up with math if the rest was fun. “Okay, I’m kinda wondering about it too, now.”

“What about you two?” Schneep looked at the twins. “Are you interested?”

Marvin scoffed. “How dare you assume that I... would not be interested in a game where you can cast magic spells. Do you even know me?”

JJ chuckled a little. Marvin’s always been curious, but we’ve never known enough people to try it out in a group.

“Yeah, and you have too, don’t lie,” Marvin said, bumping his shoulder against JJ’s.

A little bit, JJ said slowly. Marvin rolled his eyes.

“Well, if all of you guys are curious I could... maybe... ask Ram to borrow some of their CM stuff,” Jackie said slowly, trying not to look too excited. “And we could hang out and try it out.”

As talk moved on, JJ slowly started to relax. The doll changing had really freaked him out. But it was fine now. Jackie could keep it, and they could figure out if they could get rid of it later. Everything was fine.

++++++++++++++++++++

When JJ and Marvin got home from dinner with their friends, their dad sent them straight upstairs to get ready for bed. Even if bedtime wasn’t actually for a couple more hours, he wanted them to be ready. Marvin groaned and complained but did it anyway. JJ did it without the groaning and complaining.

The two of them spent the last couple hours before bedtime hanging out with Granmam, all of them watching Sinney play in the living room. The time passed surprisingly quickly, and soon, it was 9:00 and time for bed. “You two are old enough t’get at least another hour,” Granmam complained. “But no arguin’ wit’ your parents, I s’pose. G’night, lads.”

They headed up the stairs—Jameson was sometimes nervous around them, ever since their birthday, he couldn’t know how Marvin could handle it—and into the room. “I’m gonna be tossing and turning,” Marvin muttered, heading straight for the bunk bed ladder. “Too fucking early.”

JJ shrugged. Good night, anyway. He turned off the overhead light and walked over to the bunk bed... and noticed something. A shape on his pillow. He couldn’t really make it out in the darkness, but he knew it wasn’t there earlier. Confused, he walked back over to the light switch, flipped it on, and hesitantly looked again—

It was the doll.

JJ let out a little shriek and backed up.

“Jameson?!” Marvin leaned over the side of the bunk, knowing that something really serious must’ve happened if JJ screamed. “What is it?! Are you okay?!”

He didn’t answer. His eyes were locked onto the doll... which was now wearing smaller copies of his pajamas. Slowly, he walked forward and grabbed the doll, holding it by its arm and as far from his body as possible. He held it up for Marvin to see.

“What the—” Marvin started to yell, then quickly corrected himself to a whisper-shout. “...what the fuck?!”

JJ shook his head, speechless. It was definitely the same doll. Either that, or someone had broken into their house to put an identical doll in a different outfit on his bed. He wasn’t sure which option was creepier.

“Throw it out the window!” Marvin hissed.

JJ didn’t argue. He ran over to the window, threw it open, and dropped the doll into the bushes below. Then he spun back to face Marvin. We have to tell the others!

“Gimme the phone, I’ll call them.”

The phone was on their dresser. JJ grabbed it and handed it to Marvin. Then he paced back and forth while Marvin tried to call their friends one by one.

“Ugh, no use,” Marvin finally said. “None of them are answering.”

Text them, then, JJ said. They’ll see it in the morning.

“You’re a faster texter, you do it.”

JJ took the offered phone and quickly typed out a message, sending it to all of their friends. The doll is back. It showed up on my bed despite Jackie taking it. I threw it out the window but it might do something like that again. Me and Marvin are gonna try to sleep now but call as soon as you see this no matter the time. He didn’t want to put the phone back on the dresser so he instead set it on the floor next to his bed. So he could lean over and grab it if he heard anything happen.

“Do we just fucking go to sleep now?!” Marvin asked, staring at the window.

I guess we try to?? JJ said.

“I... I guess? I don’t... know what else we can do...” Marvin trailed off. “Do you, um, think Mam and Dad would get upset if we left the lights on?”

JJ nodded sadly. You know how they are about the bills.

“Yeah... But is it worth it to keep them on anyway?”

JJ shook his head. I don’t think so.

Marvin was quiet for a while. “Well... if you don’t think so, we won’t do it. But... fucking hell.”

Yeah. That was the best way he could put it.

They turned off the lights and each climbed under their blankets. But JJ knew Marvin would still have his eyes open, looking towards the window. He knew it because he was doing the same thing.

The night was silent. But even so, it took them both a long time to fall asleep.

[canonicallysoulmates]

J2 Gold Panel ATLCon 2023

The boys are looking handsome wearing blue, and red 🥰

Jared brings up the Saturday night concert and asks the crowd if it was thumbs up or thumbs down, then he shares a quick story about how when he was in High School the movie, Gladiator, came out and his Latin teacher was pissed off because in the movie the Emperor gives a thumbs up to mean mercy and thumbs down to mean death but according to Jared's teacher realistically it would be the opposite thumbs up for death and thumbs down for mercy because it's supposed to be a representation of the sword.

Out of curiosity, I did look this up and while some kind of hand gesture involving the thumb was used scholars can't say definitively what this looked like because writers at the time didn't really describe it, and if they did we seemingly have yet to find their writings. So there's a lot of scholarly debate as to what these gestures actually looked like and meant in Roman times. The popular idea that thumbs down was involved and meant death is attributed to an 1872 painting by French artist, Jean-Léon Gérôme, called Pollice Verso which depicts a gladiator asking for his life while the crowd gives a thumbs down. And that's your history lesson for today now back to our scheduled programming! 😅

Getting back to the panel, Jared mentions that there were times that were never printed where Dean would do an exorcism and Jensen would fumble on purpose, and Jared knew he did this on purpose and he would tell Jensen so and Jensen's reply would basically be 'yeah, but if I do it good they'll make me do it more, if i make it look like I can't do it they'll have Sam do it'.

And Jensen mentions what he called "his senior moment" which is that during the Saturday night concert he was singing Simple Man, and it's been so long since he sang it that he forgot the lyrics to the last verse. Backstage, prior to singing, he had the feeling this might happen because, again, it's been so long since he's sang it so the lyrics were printed out for him and placed in front of him on the floor but the font was too small for him to see them so when Jason Mann went over to him, he took his glasses and he said it was like the Matrix 😂

Getting into the questions, not gonna lie the first one is a weird one, but does Jensen remember the color of the belt and shoes he was wearing with the blue suit in his Man About Town UK photoshoot? He answers that he doesn’t think he had a belt on which gives us fangirl!Jared saying "easy access"...sir!

Anyways, Jensen thinks they were brown dress shoes. He says that in those photoshoots you walk in and there’s racks of clothing and generally a stylist and an assistant who will ask what you like, and he'll tell them that he doesn't know that they're the professionals so they just had him try stuff on and he wasn't really paying attention also he had like 12 outfit changes that afternoon which makes Jared mutter 'Jesus'. Jensen says that yeah, it was a lot that photoshoots are not their (his and Jared's) favorite thing to do, they're a necessary thing for their industry but he did have fun on that shoot. x

Out of all the famous horror movie villains which would be the hardest for Sam and Dean to face? Jared says it’s a name he can’t say aka Voldemort. Jensen says the easiest would be Michael cause he just stands there, that he's never understood how he catches people like does he get on like a segway. Jared mentions any villain Walking Dead, I wouldn't be too confident in that answer cause Negan but also I don't watch that show but I do know they've made some changes to the Walkers and they can open doors and climb shit now.

Jensen is still trying to figure out who would be the toughest, Jared tells him he'd go Star Wars or Harry Potter but those aren't horror movies. Someone in the crowd yells out Jason to which Jared replies he already beat Jason. The crowd also yells out Freddy Krueger but Jensen thinks Sam and Dean would have figured it out although he would be a tough one. x

Can they share any aspects of strain that their characters experienced that might have thought them something? Jared says that in his 15 and a half years on SPN he learned a lot, that it's hard for him to parse out what he learned with the help of Sam and what he learned with the help of Dean, and what he learned from the help of whomever. What he learned is that he went from being 22 to being 38 but he certainly learned that we are more capable than we understand, than we believe. That he loves stories of ultra marathon runners, or the one he was listening to recently on a podcast of a guy who trecked across Antartica. That those stories really inspire him cause sometimes when you're stressed about something and you go 'there's no way I'll figure this out' there's a little reminder in him to keep at it, and that as much as it is a cliche every thousand mile journey began with a single step. He felt that with Sam, and with Dean, and with the show so no matter how tired he is, no matter how emotionally or physically beat down he feels he just tries to keep on going forward.

Jensen says he'll echo what Jared said just slightly different view point. That both Dean and Sam, as his grandfather would say, when the good Lord made them he forgot to put the quit in them. They don't quit. And he can 100% be sure that Jared also has that in him as well and he feels confident he has some of that as well but it's because now they represent these characters that don't have quit in them that that he thinks drives them in their personal lives a little more than it would have had they never played these characters. x

How are the kids? Jared answers that theirs are good, that they finish school in May. That Shep just did a PSIA which is similar to the mathletes Jared did and he got like 4th on the district so he's a chip of the block, that Odette is still queen of the world as far as she knows, and Tom is kicking ass he's in sports and is doing well, that they're all safe and sound. Jensen says his are currently gallivanting around Europe with D, that they were at a museum today and she told him it was a total disaster. JJ is great, the twins however are 6 and very opinionated and if they don't like something- it reminds him of a story Ryan Gosling told about his little girl about how he took her to the Louvre and his little girl gave the museum a thumbs down that Arrow is like that, and that makes Jared share a story about when they were all in the Austin airport together last week on their way to Rome. They were supposed to have a 2hr layover in Atlanta but it ended up being around 5hrs so Jensen and D were trying to keep the kids awake and trying to think positive that maybe this is good cause they'll be more tired - at which point Jensen says that it was nice to have Uncle Jared stuck there with them (💕) - and when they were set to board Jared is standing with his rolling carry on and his backpack and he feels something push his carry on forward, when he looks behind him there's Arrow with her roller bag giggling evilly at him cause she wanted to play so he started to play with her. And then, at another point, he and Jensen had a little race with Arrow and Zep sitting on their carry on's, so Jensen has one of those aluminum rolling carry on's, the ones that you can sit on, and he was walking Arrow up and down on it but Zeppelin started complaining that it wasn't fair even though Jensen had spend a couple minutes already walking him up and down on the carry on too so Jensen looked at Jared and started signaling towards the kid, and Jared was like 'come here buddy' and put him on his bag and they had a little race through the airport. This is so cuuuute!!! I need y'all to go watch this moment for yourself cause it's an adorable story but also so you can see what the look was that Jensen gave Jared when he was asking for help with Zeppelin because it's such a help me with our kids look. x

Jensen had mentioned Lonesome Dove a while back but who would be Woodrow and who would be Augustus? Jensen feels like it's obvious, he would be Augustus and Jared would be Woodrow. Also, Jared mentions that the key makeup artist on Walker won the Emmy for makeup on Lonesome Dove! x

If they got a 60 sec ad in the Super Bowl what would it be about? Jensen goes "ha! you know how much money I just lost buying a 60 second ad?" Jared says that it would just be them crying, and Jensen says it would be an ad about how to stupidly spend your money 😂

Jared jokes his would be herpexia 🤣

The next fan read an article a couple years about how people think, some think in full sentences like a running monologue while others think in pictures and concepts, how do the boys think? Jared says he is absolutely the former. That he's either thinking solving the problems of the world in his head, or meow mix jingle, which he does part of, Jensen asks him if he sees things in text to which Jared replies yes, that he's thinking of the description of the visual more than the visual. Jensen also asks him what the recall looks like in his head when it comes to scripts, Jared replies that it flips in that case that when he's doing a scene he can see the script where the page turns, he doesn't have a photographic memory but he has a visual memory but that's for memorization if he's thinking about what he's gonna do later that day when he gets home he's not thinking about how it looks necessarily he's like making lists in his head.

Jensen says he would probably lean the other way, that when he memorizes a script at first he literally sees the page in his head and is reading lines which is largely why he can memorize lines that he's not even saying like he'll know what Jared's lines are he's basically reading the text in his head. And when talking about daily life if he's thinking about what he has to do when he gets home, he's visualising so if he's thinking about opening the door he sees that door and the dog going out, or thinking about getting the groceries he visualizes the grocery store and the aisle he has to go down.

Jared adds that a big day on Walker or SPN, a one hour episodic tv show, is like 8 pages, if you have an 8 page day you have a full day he thinks the most they've ever had was an 11 page day and that's kind of undoable unless you absolutely trust your director or is a lot of dialogue. He asks Jensen what's the most pages he's done in one day, Jensen answers 24 when he was on Days Of Our Lives that they usually shoot 60 pages a day. x

When the boys had a home ie the bunker was there anything they had to take with them from home or that they kept as a comfort thing when they had to go back on the road? Jared quips a flask. He also says he thinks they probably still had the cooler, he asks Jensen if he got legos or army men Jensen says he got all the weapons in the back. Jared says that when the show ended they had said the things they would love to have so their props department send them some things like motel cards, samulet, an army man and some legos so those are in safe keeping in his house.

The fan asks if Sam and Dean have any favorite driving games, someone in the crowd mentions punch buggies which Jensen says he calls slug bug which is when you slug someone when you see a bug car, and that that's probably what they played Jared says probably while the other one was asleep. Jensen also adds that there a couple of other things that they got from the set which they're not at liberty to talk about but the one thing he really wanted was Dean's two weapons of choice: his pistol and his sawed off shotgun. And that's a little trickier of a prop to take home and across the border because it's not a prop it's a firearm so instead what he did was he got a 1911 Colt .45, and he comissioned the craftsman in Van who had done the filigree engraving in Dean's gun to come out of retirement to do that filigree on the firearm that he bought, and he actually ended up using it in an episode just so he could say it was on tv. Then he did all the paperwork and sent it back home but the shotgun is ilegal if it's sawed off so he didn't think he'd be able to get it until he talked to his dad who told him that he tought his uncle had one and he did, he left it to Jensen when he passed so now his collection is complete. x

J2 Gold Panel Atlanta 2023

[zepskies]

Hey Zep!

I love your writing, especially been enjoying the Soldier Boy series stuff and the latest with Smoke Eater!

(Btw are you taking inspiration from One Chicago (Fire, PD, Med) with it? If so kudos and I love it, big fans of those series myself 😊)

Anyway! I’ve really been enjoying your works, been pouring through them and the stuff you have on AO3. I also thought your tips for writing were super helpful!

I’m back to writing myself after a long ass break, but always struggle keeping inspiration so a lot of my work sometimes goes unfinished. I’d like to ask how you keep motivated and continue a fic even if sometimes you’re not into it? Do you have any tips or tricks?

Thank you and again, love your work!

Hey there, lovely!! ❤️

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked Break Me Down and are enjoying Smoke Eater too! ❤️‍🔥

(Oh yes, indeed I am! 😊 I love all things Law & Order and One Chicago. I based firefighter!Dean on Lt. Matt Casey in Chicago Fire, with a little Severide flair lol.)

Thank you again for reading my work, both here and on Ao3!! I'm also glad that my writing tips have been helpful to you in any way. I came back to Tumblr and writing in general after about a year break myself, so I feel you there.

I absolutely LOVE your question though...

Because it's something I still battle with myself. I think all of us writers and artists struggle to stay motivated, no matter how much we love our craft. I do, however, have a few tips that help me immensely.

5 Tips to Stay Motivated to Write:

Be organized. Create a realistic, attainable schedule. ✍️

My brain works in checklists, bullet points, very methodical. I can't write chapter five before chapter 1. I can't write a series (even a mini series or a long one-shot) without outlining first.

So my first step is creating a schedule for myself: from sketching the premise, to bullet points/outlining, to actually sitting down to draft, to then editing. When I'm working on a series, I write the first 3 to 5 chapters before starting post it.

This means I have a head start. I commit to writing a chapter per week after that until the series is done. This give me lots of time and wiggle room for editing before posting each chapter afterwards. For example, I wrote the first 5 chapters of Smoke Eater before I started to post. I'm now in the middle of drafting Part 19 out of 20 even though I just posted Part 11.

Now, this doesn't mean I don't slack off lol. If I don't follow these steps I lose my discipline. I can get lazy. (We won't talk about And So It Goes. 😅 I've been sitting on writing the last 5 chapters for a painfully long time.)

But I have other tips that help me get my head back into the game.

2. Revisit the thing that gave you inspiration in the first place! 🍿

Rewatch, reread, revisit the episode, movie, book, story, artwork that stroked your muse and had you daydreaming and brainstorming about the WIP you're working on. That can be a good way to revitalize you when you feel your motivation lacking.

3. Create a music playlist. 🎶

I love doing this, especially for a series. I often create a playlist of songs that remind me of the setting, the characters, the romance I'm trying to create. Whether it's the words or the tone/rhythm that get me going, music inspires me greatly.

(For Break Me Down, for example, I listened to songs like "All My Living Time" by Radio Company for the vibe of the plot, and oldies like "If I Didn't Care" and "You're Getting to Be a Habit With Me" by Mel Torme for nostalgic 40s vibes/the romance.)

4. Go for a walk. ☀️

I walk for exercise, but it also gives me time to daydream and run scenes in my head while vibing to my music (sometimes looking like a crazy person as I nod and make hand motions lmao). This helps me clear my head, get some fresh air, then come back to my laptop with a little more pep in my brain, ready to write.

5. Encouragement and feedback from others. 💞

This really helps, of course. Whether it's someone you trust to read over your work, or seeing how people react to your initial chapters after you post them. Both can be very motivating to keep going, at least for me!

And I'll be transparent, I've gotten a bit fatigued while writing the back half of Smoke Eater. I have a lot going on at work and my personal life at the moment. But seeing how people have been commenting and giving feedback on each chapter -- the mystery, the connection between Dean and the reader, the various storylines happening -- it's been incredibly motivating for me to read those back and remember that people are enjoying what I'm coming up with. It helps give me the push I need to get the rough draft out.

And a rough draft doesn't have to be perfect on the first try. That's why it's rough. I call it the "throw up draft." Just get it on the page. The editing process is where I truly find the nuance in the dialogue, refine the plot, exposition, etc.

Anyway. I'm long-winded again, as usual. 😂

I hope this helps you! If you have any other writing questions just let me know. I love talking about this stuff! 💕