#anyway I'd say they have around a 10 year age gap or so

[bonkalore]

Look. I just want that good big brother Jayce content so I can cry over it.

[joeys-babe]

Joey B Imagines: Peewee

————————————————————————-

Summary: You take your boyfriend, Joe, to your little brother’s first tackle football game. Your little brother, Tommy, has always been such a huge fan of your NFL boyfriend and both you and Joe loved how much he idolized him.

Warnings: So so fluffy.

Pairing: Joe Burrow x Reader

Imagine universe: None! (Misc.)

A/N: Joe isn't injured and the Bengals have a very late bye week!

————————————————————————-

December 18th, 2023

If you told me a year ago, when I started dating Joe, that we would have to go two months without seeing each other, I wouldn't have even agreed to go on a date with him.

Joe and I had an… age gap. He was 27, with an amazing career and a life built for himself, and I was 20 and still in college.

He was in Cincinnati while I was in Athens attending Ohio University.

We had met through our fathers who were both on the coaching staff at OU. We had a family dinner together, and Joe was the only one of Jimmy’s three boys who was able to make it.

Joe swears up and down still to this day that it was love at first sight when he saw me. He was just out of a relationship and wasn't looking for anything but he says that all changed when he saw me.

Now back to the two months without each other. Obviously, we were long-distance, and it was the mid-football season for him so that meant he was busy all of the time. I had just gotten done with finals for my fall semester, so up until now I had been super busy with university stuff.

Today I would see Joe for the first time since early October, and I couldn't be more excited.

My parents were even super excited because they were the ones on the receiving end of my griping the past couple of months.

My little brother was also super excited. Tommy was 10 years old and playing his first-ever tackle football game today. It was my dad’s travel football team he was playing for. My dad doesn't trust the coaches at his school so Tommy’s not allowed to play there.

Tommy’s only request for his first game was that his favorite NFL player be there.

It was Joe of course, and he promised he would be there.

He didn't disappoint either, just as my dad and Tommy took the field, Joe texted me saying he was a couple of minutes away.

“Are you excited?” - my mom nudged me

“Yeah. I've missed him.” - you smiled

“Oh, we know.” - your mom

I glared at her and rolled my eyes before I pulled out my phone to pass the time.

“Look, there he is!” - my mom

My head snapped up and there he was in all of his glory. Joe was walking over to the bleachers while watching the field.

“Go!” - my mom

I jumped up and ran down the stairs, seeing my mom get her phone out to record in the corner of my eye.

Joe by now had realized I'd seen him and stopped walking to open his arms for me.

When I was within inches of him I jumped into his arms.

His strong arms wrapped around my body and he slowly swayed with me.

“There’s my beautiful girl.” - Joe

“I missed you so much.” - you

“I missed you more. A day didn't go by that I didn't wish I was with you.” - Joe

My legs wrapped around his waist and my arms were around his neck. I knew that Joe wasn't a fan of PDA but this moment was too good, and there were barely any people in the bleachers anyways.

“You’re not allowed to leave me for that long again.” - you

“Never again sweetheart. I'll take you with me if I have to.” - Joe

“I love you.” - you

“I love you too…. so much.” - Joe whispered

A few moments of just hugging later, I spoke up.

“Can you walk us up to my mom? I don't want to let go yet.” - you

“Of course.” - Joe chuckled

My grip on him tightened as he easily started walking in his usual loose-hipped strides.

Climbing the stairs wasn't a problem for him either with me in his arms, Joe was taking two steps at a time.

“Hey Joe!” - your mom

“Hey! It's good to see you.” - Joe

“I don't know if you can tell, but she's missed you a lot.” - your mom

“I think I picked up on that.” - Joe chuckled

Joe gently lowered me onto the bleacher and plopped down next to me. We always sat at the top so we could sit against the wall of chain fencing.

I couldn't help but admire how cute he looked right now. Joe was wearing light grey sweatpants with a dark grey sweatshirt and flannel over top of it. The white backward hat was the icing on the cake.

“You're so handsome, Joe.” - you laid your head on his shoulder

“You say that all the time, baby.” - Joe smiled

“Because I mean it.” - you

Joe looked down at me with a large smile and kissed my forehead. One of his arms looped around my waist as he pulled away.

“Well, you're pretty gorgeous yourself.” - Joe

Feeling my cheeks heating up, I hid my face in his neck. Joe would usually try to make me blush more, but he was enjoying the heat of your red cheeks against his cold neck.

My mom handed Joe a blanket to which he gave her a thankful smile before draping it over our legs.

“You warm?” - Joe

“Mhm. You emit a lot of heat.” - you giggled

“Good.” - Joe

“By the way, you're going to have to activate your muscles and carry my bags to your car later. I have a few.” - you

“I’ll start warming them up.” - Joe joked

My mom laughed along with me and I couldn't feel any happier in that moment.

——

I knew Joe would cheer the boys on, but I didn't expect him to be jumping up, yelling, warning the defense when the other team was doing a pass play, and so much more.

This one time specifically, the game was kind of getting slow so I was falling asleep on Joe’s shoulder. My brother’s team got a touchdown and Joe abruptly jumped, waking me up in the process.

“Sorry, my love.” - Joe sat back down and pulled you back into his chest

The scene made me wonder about my future with Joe. Maybe one day we’ll be doing the same thing with our own son.

“I'm so proud of Tommy. He acts so maturely football-wise for his age.” - Joe

His statement sealed my previous thought. There will be a future for us, and maybe I'm right about us cheering on our future son.

——

Come halftime, my dad’s team was up 12-0.

“Joey.” - you nudged your boyfriend, who was deep into a conversation with your mom.

“Mhm?” - Joe

“Can you get me some hot chocolate from the concession stand?” - you

“Of course. I'll be right back. Do you want anything to snack on?” - Joe

“Mm, no I'm okay. Thank you! I love you!” - you

Joe stood up and moved the blanket onto me more before placing a kiss on my cheek.

“I love you too.” - Joe grinned and walked away

A few minutes later, Joe walked back with a drink carrier and a paper bag in his other hand.

“What is all of that?” - you laughed

He handed me and my mom a hot chocolate before setting one down for himself.

“You said you didn't want a snack but I know that means you wanted one.” - Joe handed you the bag

Gosh, he knew me so well. After giving Joe an appreciative smile I opened the bag to find three chocolate chip cookies.

“There was an older lady up there selling baked goods so I thought I'd snag a couple cookies. You can have one if you want to, y/m/n.” - Joe

“Well aren't you sweet.” - your mom took a cookie from you as you handed it to her

My mom happily munched on her cookie and I couldn't help but laugh at my own thoughts.

“What?” - Joe

“You're trying to impress my parents, huh?” - you

“Well, I’m taking you three hours away for a week! I want them to know you're safe staying at my place.” - Joe

That's probably what I'm most looking forward to out of this whole day. After the game is over, I'm going with Joe to Cincinnati where I'll be staying at his house for the week since it's their Bye.

“Joey, they already know that. I wouldn't be going if they didn't. Also, I'm an adult I can do what I want!” - you

“Babe. I know you're an adult. I just don't want them to be wary because I'm an older guy.” - Joe

“Joseph, you're seven years older stop acting like you're forty.” - you

Joe rolled his eyes but I scooted closer to him and threw the blanket over his lap.

“You're allowed to want to impress my parents, but don't feel like you have to. They love you, because I love you.” - you

My heart did pretty much the exact opposite of the rest of my body and warmed deeply when Joe placed a tiny kiss on the tip of my nose. It was a signal that he didn't know what to say back in the moment but appreciated my statement.

——

“Joe!” - Tommy ran out of the gate and up to Joe, who had his arms open for your brother

The team had won, thankfully and now we were all standing and waiting for the kids to get out of their post-game huddle.

I couldn't put into words how I felt when I watched Joe hug Tommy like his own brother. It was so sweet and I'd never felt so in love.

“You’ve got one good man, y/n.” - your mom

“I know.” - you grinned

My eyes drifted from my mom’s smiling face back down to my boyfriend, the love of my life, hyping up my little brother over a couple of his receptions.

That's when I knew Joe was the one.

————————————————————————-

Authors note: the fourth day of Christmassss

Guys who is she… consistently updating like this…

This fic came from my own mind! 🤍

Hope you enjoyed! 🫶

[spoilmesweetieforficssake]

Hey!!! first off I just wanted to say that ur fics make me go feral, like dude you have no idea they're just so soft and fluffy and awesomr and cool and yeah

I was also wondering if i could request something, prompt 10 "You broke somebody's nose for me?" "Of course, it was to defend your honor!" off the valentine's list, melissa asking reader and they're just al fluffy and cute nd yh

i have no idea if you're still doing these or taking requests, i couldn't find anything ab them being closed but if you're not that's totally cool

have an awesome day/night and thanks

There's that magic word again; feral. Honestly, I can't get enough of that reaction to my fic. *happy dance ensues*

This has taken a little longer to get out than I'd like, but I hope you like it. And please consider my requests/asks open unless I post otherwise...but please also be patient! It's not that I've forgotten about them, more life likes to get in the way.

Anyway, enough about me. More about you and your ask! I hope it ticks the cute and fluffy box and is at least in the direction of what you imagined.

~*~

You’re standing at the bar trying to catch the barman’s attention when you feel someone sidle up next to you.  

“So what does the M stand for?” 

It’s takes you a minute to realise they’re even talking to you until they reach out to touch the necklace you’ve been playing with. You startle at the unexpected touch and flinch back, only settling when familiar hands settle on your hips. 

“Mine,” smirks Melissa. 

You take a step further back from the random guy who’s now glaring at the red head. Ignoring him, you settle further back into her embrace as she wraps her arms around your waist, leaning her head on your shoulder.  

Catching the barman’s attention she orders both your drinks over your shoulder before pressing a kiss to your cheek. 

* 

Later that night, you’re sat at your table, waiting for Melissa to return from the bathroom, once again fiddling with your necklace. It’s a habit you’ve had for years, decades even. 

You smile as you recall how you came to have the little ‘M’ you now proudly wear. You had lost the one you used to always wear and had had since being a teenager. It was a simple pendant and not one of any monetary value, but it was familiar and comfortable. For days, you kept going to reach for it only for your fingers to brush empty skin and fall away in frustration. 

It had been movie night at Melissa’s and you had been cuddled up on the couch. They had become somewhat of a tradition for you both, taking turns about to pick the movie and the provide the snacks. Admittedly, the number of movies you actually watched together to the end were few and far between but you both enjoyed those nights all the same. Perhaps even enjoyed more. 

You hear the tinkling of her own necklaces as she toys with them but assume she’d just untangling them as she often does. It’s not until later in the movie that you feel her move your hair, securing a chain around your neck.  

Fingers finding the small charm settled against your chest you had lifted into your line of vision, smiling at the small ‘M’ dangling there. The subtle claim was not lost on you, nor was her nervous smile as you turned to press a kiss to her lips in thanks. 

You’re torn from your reverie by the same guy who approached you at the bar. He sidles up to your table, full of confidence and one too many drinks. 

“You want a real good night? How about you ditch grandma and come home with me?” 

“Excuse me?” you hiss, not quite believing he’s had the gall to say what he just did. “What did you call her?” 

“Oh, come on,” he says, flashing you a grin. “She’s not the worst looking, but she has years on you. There’s no way she can give you what you need.” 

That touches a sore spot. You know the age gap between you and Melissa plays on her minds at times. You hate that it does. Hate that she doubts herself for any reason. Hates that she sometimes doubts what you have together. “You need to stop,” you say, pushing yourself for her feet with the intention of collecting your bags and going to find Melissa and then a new place to drink. 

“Oh baby,” he grins. “I don’t stop, I don’t stop all. Night. Long,” he continues, stepping close and pressing himself against you. You’re not quite sure when you decide that the best response to that is bringing your fist to his face, or if there’s any real conscious decision to it at all. What you are quite sure of, however, is that the result it rather messy and has you escorted out by the bouncer.  

* 

Coming back from the bathroom Melissa finds herself thoroughly confused to find your table empty apart from the waitress cleaning up what looks like the rest of your drinks and...was that blood? She spots your coats and bags hanging still hanging off the back of your chairs, her frown only deepening. “What the hell happened?”  

“That idiot was talking trash about her girl, so she punched him,” came the no nonsense reply as the blonde nods in the direction of the guy from earlier. “Decent right hook too. Bouncer took her outside. Threw the wrong person out in my book.” 

The red head can’t help but smile as she grabs your things and heads outside where she finds you pleading with the bouncer to let you back in.  

“You broke somebody’s nose for me?” 

You turn away from the bouncer at Melissa’s voice and find her clutching your things, an odd expression on her face. “Of course,” you reply like it was obvious. It’s not like you consider violence the answer in many situations, but you’d do anything for the red head. “It was to defend your honour. And he was really pissing me off.” 

She smiles goofily at you. “You really punched someone for me?” 

“Yeah. My hand fucking hurts too,” you grumble, holding your injured hand gingerly. You’ve never punched someone in the face before. Never punched anyone anywhere before. You didn’t expect it to hurt so much.  

She pulls you in for a kiss, effectively halting any further complaints you have. “How about I go back in and get some ice for that then we can go home and I can thank you for defending my honour?” 

“You’re always full of good ideas,” you smile, enjoying the spark in her eyes as she drapes your jacket around your shoulders, careful of your injured hand.  

She chuckles, still wearing that same goofy smile. “Barb is never gonna believe it when I tell her it was you and not me that punched someone.” 

“You could just not tell her?” you suggest, already knowing you’re going to be in for a stern word or two if she does.  

“Oh sweetie,” says Melissa. “I hate to tell you but that hand is gonna bruise. She’s gonna know.” She gently lifts your injured hand and kisses you sore knuckles. 

“Yeah well,” you mumble. “At least she’ll know I stuck up for you.” 

“My hero,” she grins, pressing a sweet kiss to your lips. “I love you.” 

“Even if my cage fighting career is over before it’s even begun?” 

“Especially because of that,” she smirks. “I don’t want that hand out of commission for any longer than it has to be.” 

[armed-with-a-waffle-iron]

Barbara Gordon's Age

The claim that Babs was "de-aged" to accommodate a romance with Dick Grayson is bullshit, illiterate and frankly sexist.

Babs was first "de-aged" in Secret Origin #20 during a time where nothing romantic was going on between Dick and her. So as of 1987, Babs was already around 18 when she became Batgirl. Barbara was portrayed younger to introduce the theme of Babs as a "gifted child", and the adversity and complications that come with that. Meanwhile, Dick, who became Robin at around 11/12, was already a Teen Titan and well into his Robin career when Batgirl arrived on the scene. So give or take, Post-Crisis Babs was only around 3 years older than Dick, more than 10 years before any romance plot-lines were planned.

1997 gave us Batman Chronicles #9, depicting Babs and Dick's first team-up and the 1987 age-gap seems to hold even though their flirty back-and-forth of the 1970s has returned.

Batgirl (2000) #45 confirms that Babs was Batgirl at 18. It is possible that she became Batgirl when she was younger too.

Babs' age then changed slightly during 2003's Batgirl: Year One. But again, this age change is to serve her story, not her romance with Dick. So a few things are important here when it comes to Babs' timeline.

First is her height. Babs is tall and always has been; standing at 5'11".

5'11"! That's taller than Dick too! And yet, during Batgirl: Year One, she is rejected from the GCPD and FBI for "not meeting the minimum height requirement".

This means that Babs must have become Batgirl before she stopped growing. So she is at most 16 when she became Batgirl. Again, Dick is already an established vigilante and Teen Titan in Batgirl: Year One. So, per Batgirl: Year One, Babs is at most 2 years older than Dick. Batgirl: Year One, although it isn't afraid to play with it, is not centred around Babs and Dick's romance; it's centred around Babs' journey to establish herself as Batgirl. The age change is there to introduce further adversity and amp up Babs' tenacity and skill, as it did in 1987.

There are two more clues, one from Detective Comics: 1) Despite their more than palpable chemistry, Babs initially saw Dick as too young and reckless (Batgirl: Year One #8). 2) Babs and Dick ended up going to "high school prom" together (Detective Comics 1940 #871).

For both of these things to be true, I'd say Dick is between 1 and 2 years younger than Babs and probably graduated high school young, just as Babs did. OR, Babs didn't go to prom in her own senior year (maybe because she was young) and "her high school prom" was actually at Dick's.

There's no further age retcon from here and age retcons were never about pairing her with Dick anyways. I get that some people don't ship these two, that's fine, but it's no reason to make aggrieved, sexist and illiterate claims about Barbara.

[clockworkcheetah]

Hey! Do you have any headcanons regarding Todd's parents? I find it interesting that in some fics they are shown super super sweet while in others they're not great or at the very least indifferent

I feel that Todd fucking them over financially in his 20s would make more sense if they were - not abusive or anything - but maybe not close? Easier to lie about a debilitating disease (why not go with him to the hospital etc and therefore find out) and also less guilt when doing so

Because I feel it's super interesting that when he talks of his guilt it's only framed around the idea that draining their savings is ONLY an issue because it fucks recently diagnosed Amanda not because ... Well it fucked them over, you know? Anyway I love your fics so I'd love to hear your thoughts!

todds parents i do flipflop hcs on. ive only written them once in a fic and that case i did lean more towards theyre good parents

i do think nowadays i lean more towards they arent close to their kids- an arms length, 'buy their love' kind of deal- like the siblings had their instruments since they were kids and they couldnt have been cheap (unless they were passed down) also why i think todd lied for money so easily- he probably thought they were more well off than he realised (i dont think the brotzmans are super rich, but i think todd just assumed they had way more than they really did)

also because todd and amanda have a 10 year age gap a part of me feels like... one wasnt planned? like they couldve had todd super young and they werent really emotionally mature enough (a hc why todd is sorta distant to his parents), or amanda when they were a bit too old (not saying young or old parents are bad but i think it can be an influence to raising kids) and todd likely got saddled with looking after her (but todd didnt gain any resentment to amanda for this- hence why hes so guilty when in regards to her not his parents)

tbh it doesnt sound like todd was home much with band stuff (i think thers some dialogue in 2x01 that suggests this) which probably made it easier to lie about pararibulitis

now that i think about it did the parents care that the police got in contact with them about todd in 1x03? like todd seemed surprised they contacted them suggesting they didnt call him asking about that (kinda wonder how they felt about both their kids being on FBIs most wanted)

but yeah i dont think todds super close to his parents (not straight up zero contact, or even low contact, just not compelled to really call them all that much) as for amanda i think she feels like a burden to them

[sasukeuzumaki-uchiha]

Omega Giyuu x Alpha fem reader

"A female Alpha?!"

Masterlist

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

I wrote this the same day as the part 1

Started writing this the 10/10/2023

Finished the 10/11/2023

TW: Rape, force pregnancy, a stupid man is in this chapter find him and i will give you a heart emoji, alpha x alpha, Shinobu x Tengen, Sanemi x Gyomei, suicidal thoughts, illegal age gap (17 x 30)

If you are sensitive to any of the trigger warnings you can skip the chapter and if you want to talk about it with me I'm ok to talk about it (Just remember that I can't help you get better, But I'm here so you can let it all go)

Just remember that you are not alone, their is numbers to help you

_________________________________________

Reader POV:

I'm close to get him!!!

You can do it!!

"GIYUU!!! Where are you going?!!!" I see him entering a house, is it his or someone he knew?

"GIYUU COME OUT, NO NEED TO BE SCARED!!!" I keep following him

I'm are such an idiot, i can't even follow an omega...

I cry in the snow

I'm such an idiot...

Why wasn't i able to get him to stay with me...

_________________________________________

Giyuu POV:

"SANEMI!!! I saw a beautiful woman but i don't know what to do?!" I ask my best friend Sanemi, he is a bit mean with people that are hurting me or his husband or his pups but in general he is nice

"What? Aren't you an omega?" He looked at me

"I know but i don't know what to do!!!" I feel like I'm about to cry

I finally let it all out

I feel Sanemi's arms around me

I'm finally safe...

For now at least...

_________________________________________

Sanemi POV

I feel him purring on me

So cute

No i can't have a crush on him... What will happen in Gyomei finds out... He will ask for a divorce its obvious...

I can't betray my own husband...

Well it's been a while since he fucked me but it's not a reason to cheat...

The only thing I can do is to let him be clingy and then pushing him off

_________________________________________

??? POV:

"Ara ara Shinaguzawa-san... Is Tomioka-san still clingy?" i rub my pregnant belly (Thank you Tengen...)

"It's not the first time Kocho... Oh i forgot, how is the baby in there?" He look at my belly

"I'm fine, but call me Shinobu... And why are you still calling me by my maiden name?" I keep rubbing my belly

"It's just in case, knowing Uzui he will replace you easily... All the omegas are in love with him" He look at me weirdly

"I know my husband very well... He said he loves me and our future baby!"

"He says that all the time and look, he left all his pregnant omegas boys like girls... He has no pity for anyone except himself"

I start crying and throw myself into Sanemi's arms next to Giyuu

_________________________________________

Reader POV:

That's it...

He hate me for sure...

It makes me remember my ex

(Flashback 3 years before)

"YOU DAMN SLUT!!! SUCK MY COCK!!!" He was screaming at me to suck him...

"Y-yes sir..." i start to suck his cock... It's wasn't the worst thing he ever did to me...

For a while he was super nice but one day he snapped and I'll pay the consequences

"Who knew that an alpha could fuck another alpha huh slut?!" He keep hitting my throat with his cock

"I'm sure i can impregnate you with a thousands of pups, your pussy will like it!"

I was trying so hard to not throw up...

It was ever since my 17th birthday that he started to rape me...

I wasn't allowed to push him away or I'd be sexually tortured

(20 minutes later)

I could feel him ejaculating in my belly, it was too late. I'm sure I'm pregnant, anyway this is the third time he's ejaculated in my belly...

"YOU BETTER BE PREGNANT BITCH!!!"

I nod sadly, anyway it's my fault for putting the knife in my heart I wouldn't have been raped if I did it before...

(Fast-forward 10 months later)

I love them so much but they remind me so much if their dad...

The same black curly hair

The same ruby eyes

I'm so sorry my babies but i should have been more confident, you wouldn't be suffering right now...

"I'm sorry..." i say crying while holding the 5 pups in my arms

(Fast-forward 2 ½ years later)

"Mommy!! Why are we getting away from daddy?" my oldest Tamayo ask curious

"Mommy is taking you and your siblings on a trip" i smile not telling her the truth

_________________________________________

Giyuu POV:

I can't stop feeling about her...

It's a weird feeling

I never felt it before

It's new to me...

Is it love?

Am I finally getting a girlfriend just like Obanai with Mitsuri?

I open my eyes hearing the door opening, i see Obanai in a panicking

"MITSURI IS IN LABOR!!!" Obanai scream, i see behind him a panicked Mitsuri

_________________________________________

Reader POV:

Who are they?

What are they doing here?

DID HE SAID THAT THE LADY WAS IN LABOR?!!!!

"Miss are you okay?" I get up and approach the woman

"Do i look like I'm okay?!" She said turning towards me. She seem a little bit irritated

_________________________________________

I'm so tired...

Sorry for the short chapter it's literally 12.30am and i'm still awake LOL!

Don't forget to give me comments (Only if you want)

See you all in part three

[daz4i]

wait okay. instead of going to sleep like a normal person. here's how I'd change the ages in bsd (for those that have a canon age), bc no one looks their age/it makes the timeline feel weird, i wanna let at least some major past events breathe a little between one another. possibly controversial takes ahead:

atsushi: i like that he's 18 actually. he looks and feels 16 but no yeah 18 works better. I'd say 20-21 would be nice but that'd reallyyyy throw his backstory's timing off unfortunately

dazai: 25

kunikida: around 27-28

ranpo: 28 also, maybe even 29 (his whole thing is that he looks young for his age anyway)

yosano: 28 as well

tanizaki: like. he does look 18. but also 16 and 21 at the same time. i like him as a bit older than atsushi so let's say 19-20, and naomi as well while we're at it

kenji: why is he 14. it's not that he doesn't look 14 it's that i simply did not expect a child to be the muscle in a detective agency. so please make him like at least 16 which is only just slightly better tbh

kyouka: yeah 14 is chill in her case imo. makes her more tragic 👍

katai: 27-29ish as well

fukuzawa: at least in his 50s. maybe 55ish, or even more. he def looks like it and it fits more with having a son in his 20s

akutagawa: i do want him to be older. but making his age gap with atsushi bigger is weird. so keeping him as a 20 y/o it is, maybe 21 at most

chuuya: 25

kouyou: 30s. early 40s even. she is already so milf coded. finding out she's 26 in canon was straight up offensive i swear. come on.

higuchi: 21

tachihara: 22 or 23 maybe? (the hunting dogs don't have canon ages but i like jouno and tecchou as 26ish so that way he's still like the baby of the group)

hirotsu: how is that man 50. make him 65 at least. jfc. the whole point is he's been with the mafia a long time. ik they keep recruiting teenagers for some reason but give me a break. my dad is pushing 70 and looks younger than him

q: actually my issue with them isn't that they don't look their age (tho they do look a bit younger ig) but that timeline wise?? they're so weird?? why did the mafia have a 6 y/o on deck that's just inconvenient for all parties involved. like i can excuse kyouka at 11ish but come ON. at least make them 10 in fifteen. or just bring them in later bc i just realized the timeline doesn't line up with the dazai and chuuya changes otherwise. man idk

odasaku: girl that man was NOT 23 when he died he should've been like at least 27 then

mori: late 40s or early 50s. keep the few years gap from fukuzawa maybe but he should still be older

ango: 29ish in the current timeline. or even 32. idk why but that number feels right.

francis: 45 at least. how is a 32 y/o man supposed to have a daughter old enough to study abroad...

poe: 29

melville: actually he is the only one aged correctly in this entire manga. bestie 🔥🔥🔥🔥

steinbeck: 24. maybe even older

lucy: 20-21ish. same issue as akutagawa really

louisa: 25 at least please 🙏

nathaniel: 34 maybe.

margaret: also early 30s. how the fuck is she 20. like kouyou this is straight up insulting 😭

mark: ageless for he is the spirit of youth and joy (yeah 22 is chill for him actually. he's like the taylor swift song. he'd love that)

mushitaro: tbh I'd make him more around 29 or even older than 30. like he would be a believable 35 y/o to me if needed.

nikolai: actually him being 26 is chill too. tho i wouldn't mind making him around 28-29ish too since i already aged up most 26 y/os so may as well go all the way.

shibusawa: yeah he can stay 29 too idm. i actually didn't know he had a canon age until now. cool!

i think that's everyone who has a canon age (excluding lns bc i haven't gotten to them yet)? aside from sigma maybe but his age is more of a plot device than a fun fact. and fukuchi is implied to be the same age as fukuzawa so, yeah just make them the same in this case too.

i did mess up the timeline myself with this. so lemme clear it up:

The War and the whole thing with mori and yosano still happened when she was 11, so 17 years before canon. that means mori was still in his 20s back then, no big change

untold origins still happened when ranpo was in his teens, honestly we can keep it 14, so 14 years ago, meaning fukuzawa was in his late 30 or early 40s. again not too big of a change I'd say

fifteen happens when. well. dazai and chuuya are 15. ten years ago. i don't want q there get them out of my sight (for now) let them be a kid for a bit!!!!! but yeah like in canon that means the previous boss's murder was a year before, 11 years ago. also while we're at it, stormbringer is also the same aka a year after 15

now this is where we shake things up just a bit. rather than occuring when dazai is 18, i think we can push the dark era to when he's 20 and still maintain the whole childlike thing he has going on there, it's not that big of a difference imo.

that means, 5 years before canon instead of 4, making akutagawa 15 back then, and ango 27 like odasaku.

also yeah q comes in at some point in the middle between those^ I'd say close to dark era than fifteen.

originally i wanted to make skk 26 but this started stretching things even more. bc now we gotta figure out how long dazai spent in hiding. and ig we can keep it 2 years and just make it so his entrance exam was 3 years before canon. again imo not that big of a stretch 🤔

idk why i said this changes the timeline a lot i think this is p simple. also lets ppl stew in their situation for just a bit longer which i like more.

thank you for reading. you are very brave and strong for pulling through. feel free to disagree with my takes but just be nice about it please. I'm also open to hearing other takes if you have any that i didn't consider 🫡 but again just be nice okay?? 🥹

[butimjustaliar]

currently watching red white and royal blue despite the fact that i was initially very put off by the 30y/o cast, anyways, i think the casting works for the most part since their age isnt specified so i'm just kind of pretending they're 30 and it works out, but i think for some scenes it just literally doesnt work AT ALL.

anyways here's a list of scenes that (dont) work when pretending the characters are thirty instead of twenty (sorry i might have gotten less and less constructive the further i got)

the wedding: absolutely, the fact that their frontal lobes are supposed to befully developed makes this ten times funnier

staging photos and interview: absolutely, they arent sassy bc they are young and dont know any better, they are fully aware of what they are doing

broom closted of children's hospital: ehhhh, hard no, why are you awkwardky scrambling around on the floor??? you are not hormonal teens, get yourself together. also Alex being upset about sth so small is kind of giving frontal lobe not developed & insecure

new years party: neutral territory, dont have too many feeling about that

kiss at new years, specifically their facial expressions and body language: what inspired this list. frankly, horrible. they kiss with henry scrunching up his shoulders like he's trying to hide the fact he has a neck and alex not even touching him???? it looks like a bad kiss, and tbh at 30 i'd hope to kiss better than that ngl. replaying the scene and omg it's horrible. would make significantly more sense with younger actors bc what is this

Alex talking to Nora after the kiss: again, i think this isnt too bad, his outfit is truly horrendous, the concept of data analyst and dating henry's friend makes more sense when they are older anyway bc otherwise there'd be an age gap somewhere. dialogue wonky, bc her monologue about the signs he missed about himself, ooof. or maybe i'm just overestimating how self aware 30 year olds are

meeting prime minister and such: perfectly valid. hilarious.

(why are they suddenly making out, i'm ace, be considerate and fucking stop, jesus christ always with these horny people)

(post) make out (talk): fine ig

dinner in paris: yuppppp, works amazingly.

why tf are they being horny again? did i mention i'm ace? wtf is this stop petting each other what the hell i truly dont understand physical affaction

alex talking to his mom: hmmm, dont know, it's kind of weird to have a 30 year old that involved in his moms life. the discussion is kind of giving teen discussing with parent but also maybe i'm wrong and also i dont have that much experience with being son of the president

alex in texas: dressed like baseball dad. yes. regardless, the dialogue (their texts) is HORRENDOUS WHOA. PLS STOP.

wow they are desperately making out again. is it rlly like that when u're not ace? jesus

also zahra finding henry in the closet is fucking hilarious omg. comedy gold. top tier.

LITTLE LORD FUCKLEROY

coming out to mom: very cute, but calling it badky written and unrealistic bc my mum would never hold me in her arms like that and i'm bitter.

holiday: love it. horrible karaoke, and before you say it, i'm talking simoutanliously simultaneously (god bless auto correct) not good enough to be great but also not bad enough to be entertaining. flavourless.

alex has more boobs than i have which is very affirming for my non existent gender, thanks for the community service, i appreciate it

wow is henry trying to drown himself? bc same

12/10 for relatability regarding not being able to handle people showing any kind of affection

henry on a royal walk post break up: urghhhh, no. who tf realizes the momarchy is stupid at thirty. yeah better late than never but no fuck the monarchy

post break up fight and make up in britain: pretty valid ig, works for all ages i suppose. god i hate henry's accent it's horrendous on a galactical scale

MY LIFE IS THE CROWN, AND YOURS IS POLITICS, AND I WILL NOT TRADE ONE PRISON FOR ANOTHER.

hating the museum voice over. it's very oddly mixed. not an artistic choice i'd make personally

delted this paragraph earlier but i rlly need to get this off my chest, i personally think the actors are very unattractive. no idea why. not a bad thing, but it's been rlly bugging me, bc i feel like they are meant to be attractive, and i see them fitting beauty standards, but i've been thinking maybe they look unattractive bc they tried to make them look younger

THIS MOVIE IS ABOUT AN REVENGE OUTING??? god is not blessing america.

public statement: urghh, tentive no, but i think it's just badly written. again, hating the voice over. what is it with this movie and horrible voice overs?

also their call is giving soap opra why are they acting like they haven't seen each other in two years and thought the other died goodness gracious

meeting, playing piano, chatting: norrrr, dont like it, honestly if you're an unhappy royal in your thirties literally just leave em behind it's not that hard? be a little sure of urself you're not 15 anymore and you haven't been in a long time (in my humble opinion ftfteen should be one of the greatest periods of doubt for a person. all that teenage angst)

british accent so goofy i cant believe that's how initially learned english

talking to some royal highness guy: yeah no, again, any self respecting person with a fully developed frontal lobe would drop the f bomb and leave ("fuck you grandpa, i dont care about the nation, i wanna fuck love this handsome lad. goodbye, farewell, old man")

crowds forming: plot fots better for a coming of age movie, not one about thirty year old dudes

election: fine ig

also the election is soo not that plot relevant, what's the point showing the result? what a whack ass plot point just to then have them go to alex' childhood home? what the hell

in conclusion: very cute movie, horrible writing kind of, but definitely some good moments in there. choice of actors definitely odd, bad in a lot of expected ways, but also not that bad ig. wouldn't rewatch, but would definitely watch compilations of it on youtube bc comedy (it's why i watched it in the first place!)

[harrysrealgf]

PLEASING

older!CEO!harry x reader

summary: you work at Pleasing and you meet the CEO at a coffee shop (but you dont know that)

warnings: age gap (like 10 years, still legal though, the reader is 22) , smut 18+, oral (f receiving)

—————————🌷🌷🌷—————————

You had the day off today. You stopped at a coffee shop to get coffee to do the errands you had to do today. (little did you know they would be cut short)

“Hey y/n! The regular?” you nod

“Thank you so much.” you beam and go to the other line like in ‘papas pizzeria’.

“Y’must come here often, huh?” ths guy in front of you turns around and says to you. You look up from your phone to look at him and he is gorgeous. He's got the most beautiful green eyes, and his messy brown hair falls perfectly on his head.

“Y-yeah, I do,” you giggle. “How’d you know?” you ask.

“Well, one has to come here a lot if one has a regular.” you laugh and look down.

“You caught me.” you look back up at him. “So you're telling me you don't come here often?” you said with almost disappointment in your voice.

He shakes his head, “M’afraid not. Lovely place t’is, m’just never around.” he shrugs.

“Whys that?” The worker calls Harry’s name and Y/n’s after to get their drink.

“Would y’like to sit down with me?” He asks sitting down at a table. You nod “I would.”

“Whats y’name anyway?” she asks taking a sip of her coffee.

“Harry. Yours?”

“Y/n.”

“Y’name almost as beautiful as you.” you smile.

“Thank you! Yours too.” His name sounded familiar to you but you didn’t know why.

“Thank you. What were y’asking in the line?” he questions.

“Oh. I was just wondering why you are never around.” He nods and sets his coffee on the table.

“I travel, a lot. It hasn’t been like this in a while. But I travel f’work.” he smiles.

“Where do you work?” You wanted to get to know him, “sorry if I'm being too nosey.” she says shyly.

“Y’not don't worry. But I'm a CEO.” He giggles quietly. He's so baby girl.

“Oh. That's nice.” you smile enthusiastically.

“What ‘bout you?”

“I work for pleasing.” you sighs, “kinda boring compared to you.”

“Oh.” his eyes widen. You tilt your head in confusion.

“What's wrong?”

“Nothing! That company is nice. M’wearing their nail polish now actually.” he shows you his nails. His hands are really nice.

“Your hands are nice- I mean your hands- I mean your nails.” she laughs awkwardly.

“Thank you.” he smiles. “How old are y’anyway?” he asks

You had been nervously sipping your coffee for the entire time you guys were talking so it's about gone.

“I'm 22.” His eyes widen.

“Oh wow.” he didn't know what he was expecting but that's a 10-year age gap. “I'm 32.” he announced.

“Woah.” You chuckle. He nods.

“Yeah.” he didn't mind at all, in fact, he really liked you. You were sweet, and you knew how to keep a conversation.

“I mean… I don't really mind,” you shrug. Your coffee was gone by now and you were just getting the ice.

“Y’pretty young though…” he said awkwardly.

“You just don’t look a day over 20. Well, besides your mustache.” you found his mustache insanely attractive.

“Well let's just not make things awkward,” he told.

“Oh, I wasn't going to. If I'm being honest, I kinda like that you're older than me.” he blushes at what you said, “like way older.” you smiled.

“Y’intrigue me, honey. May I call y’that?” you nodded

“I'll probably have t’get going, could I get y’number? Maybe we could do this again.”

“I'd like that. You said while pulling up your contacts and giving him your phone.

He puts his number in and gives you back his phone. You stood up as well and set a small tip on the table. Harry put a much bigger tip but not on purpose, he was just feeling something. And he has enough money to go around.

You walk out together and Harry gives you a small hug.

“I’ll see y’around honey.” You smile and nodded and you both got into your cars

—————————🌷🌷🌷—————————

You felt so giddy. All you wanted to do was call your mom and tell her everything. But she would just tell you he’s way too old. So you just decided to wait

You did however tell your best friend Mia. So you went to her house and told her everything.

“Wait what was his name?”Mia asks.

“Harry.”

“What's his last?”

You shrug “I was already asking enough questions.” You add on.

She asks you to describe him and you do.

“Oh my gosh! Hold on..” She says typing on her phone. She flips her phone around and you see a picture of Harry.

“This him?” you nod gradually.

“That's the CEO of pleasing!” she hits your chest. “Y/n, you naughty girl. You bagged the CEO of the company we work for!” she exclaims.

“What?” you spoke softly. “Why didn’t he tell me?” you ask to yourself.

“Should i text him and ask?” She shrugs

“Do whatever you need y/n.”

So you decided to text him.

3:33PM

Y/n: hey its y/n

H: Hey!!

H: I was hoping you wouldnt be a stranger.

Y/n: i was just wondering…

Y/n: y didnt u tell me u were the ceo of pleasing?

H: Oh. I don’t know. I guess it just didn’t really matter?

Y/n: u still coulda told me so i didnt make a fool outta myself

H: You didn’t though. You’re very beautiful and I like talking to you Y/n.

H: You make me feel things.

Y/n: like what?

H: I can’t explain right now. Could you come over later?

Y/n: yeah i can :)

Y/n: ttyl!

H: What?

Y/n: ill talk to u later😭😭😭😭

H: Why the crying faces?

Y/n: oh darrnnnnnn… you need to learn some things.. old man.

H: I am not old.

Y/n: the way u type says otherwise.

H: Mhm. Ttyl;)

Y/n: better

6:16PM

H: Can you come over now?

Y/n: yup!

H: *address* See you soon, pretty girl.

You arrive at his house and holy shit is it big and nice. (u know what else is big and nice)

You text him to let him know you’re here. He opens the door and lets you in.

“Good to see you,” he smiles closing the door behind you. “Would y’like water? Maybe a wine?”

“Water’s fine,” you say studying his place. “Lovely place you have.” You smile as he hands you the water bottle.

“Thank you.” you nod as a ‘your welcome’.

“Is that your car outside too?” He nods.

“Who’s else would it be?” he asked playfully.

“I dunno. Maybe you’ve got a wife or something.” you say as he leads you to his couch.

“If i had a wife, well i wouldn’t be v’loyal if y’around.” he admits and you blush.

“Whys that?”

“Well, as I’ve said previously, Y’very beautiful Y/n.” He says. “I don’t think i could control m’self ‘round you. D’you have a boyfriend?” He asks.

“No. A majority of the boys i meet arent loyal or can hardly find the clit.” You roll your eyes thinking about it.

“Sounds like y’need a man… Y’know, a real man.” He says setting his hand on your thigh.

“Yeah? Like who? You? Assuming you can find the clit of course.” You ask playfully (but you were being so serious)

“Yes.” He bites his lip as his hand goes further up. “How many times d’ya think i could make y’cum?” He asks catching you off gaurd.

“Come and find out.” You say as he grins.

He leans to you and kisses you passionately. While you guys kiss Harrys hand goes from your clothes pussy to your waistband and pulls down your pants and left you in your panties.

“Can I…” you start. “can I ride your thigh?” you ask sweetly.

“Aww baby… Y’wanna ride the tiger?” you nod. Harry was just in some biker shorts so you got on his leg. “Cmon pretty. Ride the tiger.” He smirks

You slowly rock back and forth on his thigh. “Harry… Can i take these off… please.” You pull at your panties and he nods.

“O’course. Show m’that pretty pussy.” He bites his lip as you strip from your underwear.

“Fuck H… ‘ts too good.” You moan loudly.

“Yeh? Y’gonna cum?” You shrug

“I-I dunno.” You whimper going to his chest.

“Cmon honey… Cum.” His voice was so deep right now him just talking could make you cum, but right now it was his thigh and his voice making you cum.

“Can I fuck y’now?” You nodded quickly “Can I take y’to my bedroom?” He also asks.

“Just fuck me in every room.” He licked his lips.

“Alrigh’.” He smirked.

“Find y’pleasing in me.” You moaned.

He bites his lip. “That was a very appropriate joke.” He grinned.

He removed his biker shorts and slowly insert his cock into you. Your pussy felt so tight, snug and warm to him. If he didn’t know any better he would’ve thought you were a virgin.

“D-don’t move please.” He said.

“Why?” You tease.

“If y’move I might cum.” After a couple more seconds he was good and started pounded into you.

“Fuckkk. Who’s pussy is this?” he asks.

“Y-yours.” You moan.

“‘N tell me, who’s making y’feel this good…” He whimpered.

“You, Harry!” You started to get annoyed

“Tell me how deep-“ he starts.

“Not fuckin’ deep enough.” He stops thrusting into you.

“Excuse me?” He pulls out.

“No- Harry what are you doing? Please.” You beg. You were so close to coming again and he just took that away from you.

“No. Since y’wanna be a brat and not take what I give yeh, then y’get nothing but a punishment.” he spat.

“Like what?”

“Y’ever used a vibrator?” He bit his lip.

You shook your head and said “How many other girls have you used that with?”

“None. Got it recently, if y’must know.” he scoffs. “So keep talking its only gonna get you a bigger punishment.”

“Well what are you gonna do?” you question.

“M’gonna use y’little pathetic pussy for m’to cum, like y’a fuckin toy. Then youre getting tied up and m’fuckin leaving y’with a vibrator up y’pussy while i go shower. And y’wont be able t’cum. Fair?” Definitely not fair… but it did sound hot.

“Not at all.” You whine.

“Then how about I just use y’as a fuck toy, either way y’not coming.” Maybe he was being too harsh but he couldn’t help it when he was in the mood.

“Fine.” You close your eyes, he puts his cock back into you and pounds into you harder and faster.

“Mmmm… M’cum is gonna look s’pretty on y’slutty little face.” He licks his lips.

“Can i please cum. Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease.” She moaned and whimpered.

“No.”

He fucks you harder and faster by the minute.

“Mmm baby m’gonna cum.” He pulled out and came on your face.

“Cmon baby lets go to m’room.” He grins. He knows he left you like that.

You nod.

He had left you unsatisfied and you couldn’t go to sleep. His bed had been the comfiest you’ve been in, in years.

Eventually you ended up drifting asleep.

—————————🌷🌷🌷—————————

“Good morning.” Harry says noticing your awake.

“Not very good.” You roll your eyes.

“Oh, m’sorry baby. Did I leave y’unsatisfied last night?” You nodded. “well that's what bad girls get, but I feel like y’deserved t’cum now.” He goes down to your pussy and fingers it a little bit. It feels so good on account of you not being able to cum last night.

“M’gonna eat this pussy f’breakfast.” You put your hand on his head.

“Wait! Harry I’ve gotta work!” you panic.

“Honey! ‘ts okay! If they call about it, I can excuse it. Please, let m’treat this pussy.” He looks up at you and you nod.

“Okay.” You calm down more.

He starts to finger your pussy again, setting his thumb on your clit, rubbing it slightly.

He replaced his fingers with his tongue. He eats you out till you squirt on his tongue.

He swallows all of it.

“Fuck honey, y’know what y’just did?” He licked his lips. You shook your head, “y’just squirted.”

“Ewww.” You thought that was a bad thing, as you weren’t very experienced in sex. You’d fucked maybe three people? Four counting Harry.

“No honey, that was… S’hot.” He could moan just by the taste of you.

“Sweetest pussy,” he starts going back in, “V’ever tasted.” he finishes. He sits up and you look at him with lazy eyes.

“Thank you so much H.” You say feeling drunk by how good you feel.

“Anytime. And when I say that…Seriously, I mean it. Y’make m’feel things Y/n.”

“M’too tired t’talk… Can we just go back to sleep?” You ask innocently cuddling up against him.

“Of course.”

[goldenngore]

SHIPPING INFO / answer the following for your muse so people know how shipping works on your blog !

WHAT IS YOUR OTP FOR YOUR CHARACTER.

loras and maron ( @azmenka ) is now my otp for loras. the ship allowed for loras to have so much personal development that i don't think he would have gotten with many others. plus, it's also allowed him to be the person he'd rather be rather than what house tyrell wanted from him. of course, that ship aside, there is loras and renly. but, ya know, it's cut short and essentially ruins loras for some years. it's a bitter tragedy, i love it.

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE.

well, that's a question. since loras does tend to drift towards older men. his own canon relationship has what some tumblrites would call a significant age gap. :/ but either way, i don't prescribe to keeping my muse in a static age bracket because asoiaf is still progressing time-wise, and the notion in general, is ridiculous. stories progress. characters progress mentally and physically. I've been writing loras since 2014. it's time to move on from canon lol. that being said...i haven't encountered anything that's made me uncomfortable yet. renly was 5 years older than loras. maron is at least 10 years older. lestat is hundreds of years older. SHRUG. though if someone attempted to throw tywin at me?? back away, pls. discomfort is contextual and circumstantial when writing morally grey characters.

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY ARE CONSIDERED NSFW.

err...dicks out? nudity and touching is what i'd consider nsfw, personally.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING.

umm, i used to be a lot more selective. not so much anymore because loras is a romantic muses. he loves love and loves to be loved by a special person. as long as someone's muse matches the traits loras likes. it can be game on.

WHO ARE OTHER CHARACTERS YOU SHIP YOUR CHARACTER WITH.

muses in canon? aurane waters ( @/tymptir ), maaaayyybbee theon greyjoy (i can feel hannah and roro judging me for this choice), and one other...ANYWAY. crossover muses include my beloved @harringtontm because steve loves dramatic guys with long curly hair. who am i to deny steve that? I'm not cruel. and then there's @desiredprince because loras loves a bad boy, and lestat is their king. it's his go to trait in a man. sigh. and I'll always adore the things i have with @mcnsieur who has always treated loras like a prince despite actually being a prince. plus, Philippe is literally a god on the battlefield and that's too hot to handle.

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU.

not really? you can if you want to. that's fine. but always feel free to send me a shippy meme and we can always see if things progress from there. that being said, if i start to get invested. i will be all over you like an std. <3

ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS.

obsessed and proud. people who think romance writing is somehow less than other forms of writing are absolute whackos and we can't be friends. love keeps the world going around, we always need more of it. plus, like i said. my guy is a lover and a fighter.

ARE YOU MULTISHIP.

always, baby. but any ships in canon verses that occur after renly...ya'll gotta deal with that baggage. sry.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM.

searose aka loras and maron. they really did come into each other's lives at the right time, and loras got to have the healing experience he sorely needed and was never going to get in kings landing, stuck in the kingsguard as a glorified bodyguard. maron dragged him into the world of adventure he'd always wanted to be part of. but found himself trapped instead again as a glorified bodyguard. it's really the relationship loras deserved after how the last one concluded so awfully.

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU.

jump into my ims and say BITCH GET IN THE CAR, WE SHIPPING. but you can always send memes. they don't even have to be romantic. i do like to interact platonically, too, just to see how our muses mesh etc. that's important! being friendly ooc is a must too. friends make the best shipping partners. that's a fact, innit? and plotting stuff is so much easier if you have a good rapport. I'm always up for crossover ships and i love ships that take me by surprise.

[love-jesus-but-i-drink-a-little]

Hello, hello! I read your dead ringers fics, they were amazing!! I love the twins in all their facets, I'm on my third rewatch. I don't know anyone who watched the show though, so I thought I'd ask you, since you seem to have grasped their voices, and I did agree with various 'headcanons' and ideas you wrote about. I was wondering how old do you think they are in canon? I remember reading that the real twins the characters are based on were found dead at 42 together in their apartment, and considering Rachel's age and Beverly's issue with pregnancy, I don't think they'd be any younger than late 30s. On a similar note, I kept thinking how odd Elliot's insult about Genevieve's age was (the daddy issue line and her being Beverly's pubescent five-minute gf). Then I found out the actress who played Gen is an early 90s baby like me. I didn't think Ben and Gen looked like they had a significant age difference, physically at least, but I also have to say the twins were kinda not very mature, emotionally but not only that, so that does check out. What do you think? Plus, when Beverly said her sister never liked any of her crushes, especially when they left the mere infatuation stage, it made me think these two never truly had any big change or emotional distance before Genevieve.

Why, hello! Thank you for your kind words! Much appreciated!

Oh boy, this is going to be a ramble! Brace yourself. You made a huge mistake asking me to talk about Dead Ringers hahaha.

Well. I have to ask, before I move on to answering my (very personal) ideas. What headcanons did you like? Out of sheer curiosity. You obviously don't have to answer. I just like hearing nice things about my writing :)

Okay. Let's get down to business.

Main question being how old do I think the twins are? I find it to be a tricky question for several reasons.

First reason being: I don't care. I mean I know it's interesting but how does it really contribute to the narrative? How does it change the twins being a beautiful, demonic, dysfunctional due? They are magnificent and them being thirty or fifty doesn't change anything.

That being said, I think they are somewhere around Rachel Weisz' age? That's how I see them, anyway. Beverly having trouble getting pregnant and Elliot's comment will make more sense that way. Because even if Genevieve is about 30ish, Beverly being 10 years older doesn't really vatant such harsh response. Right? But if they have more like around 20 year gap between them, it will make so much sense. Not because Elliot's comment will be any truer, but because it will sting more, which was what Elliot was aiming for I think.

But also. I've listened to a podcast with Alice Birch (the bloody genius) and she said that Elliot and Tom were in university together. Michaek Chernus (who plays Tom) is forty five years old, and given that people in university don't have to completely match in age (at least, from my personal experience) it makes sense Elliot and Beverly are somewhere around 50ish? Maybe a little younger.

Rachel Weisz is a goddess on earth and so she desn't look her age (or maybe she does) the point is we're so used to hollywood's standard of people in their 50's looking like our great-grandmothers, it doesn't always match reality. In real life, people in their early 50's look dashing and fresh. Especially today. And people in their 30's look like bloody children. It's unnerving and exciting.

Moving on.

One thing I think everyone who paid attention to the series (those who watched I mean), can definitely tell Beverly and Elliot's relationship are so involved one in the other, they never had the space for anyone else to stay for more than one night's shag. Right? Elliot was sort of warning Beverly about Gen in the first episode, on their way to the Parker's meeting. Remember? I think Beverly wanted to get away a bit from her sister's suffocating presence, but I also think (it's a headcanon I assume) that if Beverly really wanted to distance herself from Elliot, she would have found a way. And the fact that she literally preferred to die and not move away from Elliot (there definitely was more than just that but I strongly believe she couldn't live without her sister being too close) it never happened.

The twins preferred to have each other up their arses and not try and make their relationship more separate, and hence, more functional. I don't know if they could. I don't know if they wanted to.

Did I answer any of your questions, gentle anon? probably not. Did I ramble as hell? Yes. A lot of bollocks, but I did warn your about my rambling and you don't have to really read every word.

Hopefully I didn't wear you down with this answer.

And again, deeply thankful for your kind kind words <3

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #159

Can you commit to one person? Yes, I personally am a deeply monogamous person.

Do you shave your nether regions? Completely personal decision, no, I only ever paid attention to the bikini line way back when as a teen and I was comfortable wearing them, but now I have like, no reason to. I especially think it's a bad idea with how my skin reacts to shaving anyway, I become incredibly itchy and I'm prone to ingrown hairs. Shit just ain't worth it. I don't care what others do and I don't have a preference in partners.

How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? Uh this varies, like a lot????? Most importantly, how serious are we, but also where are we and what is the general mood between us?

Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? No, certainly nobody that I know of.

What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? If you are both legal adults, I literally do not care. You do what you want to do with the partner who wants to be with you. I do agree it's very problematic when especially celebrities target young people, like that is a very real and alarming thing with often manipulative motives behind it, but this certainly isn't always the case. *I* personally don't think I could go beyond a 10-year gap in a partner (and I'm completely disinterested in much younger than me), but that is for me and my relationship alone, other adults can make their own adult decisions.

What’s your dirtiest secret? Nothing very "dirty" honestly, just doing things in beds we shouldn't have, but I feel like most people have done something like this at some point lmao

Do you have a best friend? I confidently consider my boyfriend my best friend, but if you exclude him and also my mom for being "more" than mere friends, then I don't currently. I'm closest with Mazzy and Tez, but simply considering the "best" friendships I've had in the past, it's not entirely the same. I know when I see someone as my best friend, I feel like everyone just knows it in their gut.

What country are you from? I've never left the USA, ugh get me the fuck OUTTTTTTTT

Did you finish high school? I did, then everything went down the drain. My brain just melted shortly after high school, like I really do blame both how viciously over-medicated I was but also my trauma for doing some WILD shit with my head and my ability to process and remember information, because it was exactly around this period where things just changed.

Favorite fictional character? Pyramid Head from the Silent Hill franchise.

Do you count your steps when you walk? No, and I majorly pity those who do have that obsession, it sounds fucking miserable, I've always thought that. OCD in general is.

Would you date someone who’s know for cheating, and if yes, why? I really don't think I'd be able to.

What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex? Well, kids shouldn't be having sex, but I am aware how unrealistic it is to expect most people to wait until they reach the magic age of 18, because they regularly don't, so I'm gonna cut the majority of the population a bit of slack and say absolutely never before 16, but that really just is an arbitrary number. I think maturity has more to do with this than precise age, that and discipline to sticking to never neglecting birth control methods.

Do gay, lesbians, bisexuals, or transgender people bother you? Obviously not when you consider I'm a pansexual, and although a cis person, I am all for trans rights, like I'd die fighting to protect those.

Have you ever been front row at a concert? Which one(s), and how was the experience? No.

What's the strongest earthquake you've ever experienced? I've never experienced one, for which I'm extremely grateful, they sound terrifying.

Have you ever been told you look like a celebrity? No, not that I recall.

Do you own a leather jacket? No, but I have ALWAYS wanted a faux black one, ever since like the start of high school, maybe even before.

Do you have any cereal in your house at the moment? Yeah, we have some Special K and Cheerios, off the top of my head.

Is the street you live on short, long, or somewhere in the middle? It's pretty short, because we live in a development, so there's lots of turns as the roads wind around.

Who was the last person to call you baby/babe? Girt is the only one who ever does, so it woulda been him.

When you’re at the grocery store do you use the self checkout? Dude honestly we don't even go in the store anymore, if it's a place like Wal-Mart; Mom just does those orders where you pick the groceries up, like employees get everything for you. It's easier and quicker, and it's also apparently saved us money, because she's not passing things in the store and thinking "hm didn't plan to get that but it sounds good," stuff like that. Before Covid happened and these pick-ups became a regular thing, if we went inside for not all that much, yeah, we often opted for self-checkout.

If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive? Oh I'm fully aware I wouldn't.

What is a compliment you receive often? That my hair is nice.

Do you like your parents? Yeah, I love them. My dad isn't perfect and I'm very aware of where he's messed up, but I also know how to recognize that he tries.

Where is the furthest place you’ve traveled? Illinois, Chicago general area, so high up.

Which do you prefer, to eat or sleep? I mean I generally find eating more enjoyable than sleeping, but it really depends on what I need in that moment.

What did you do on New Year's Eve? I feel like Mom and I had a drink and just chilled here at home.

Who makes you happiest right now? Girt.

Will you donate organs after you pass? Definitely, I am a massive advocate for this sort of stuff, like you are not going to need ANYTHING in your body after your die, so let it help somebody if it can. It's like a last act of kindness.

Which fictional character can you not stand? Uh, I don't know about can't stand.

What do you think people have an unnecessary stick up their ass about? Good lord, conservative toddlers losing their shit when a brand they like shows support for minority communities, like LGBTQ+ most prominently. People deciding they're no longer buying that beer, no longer shopping in that store, like holy fuck congrats you're a literal walking dumpsterfire of a person.

What common advice do you think never works? Ha, honestly a lot, like everyone's different and different things will work for different people. A strong one though is when people advise depressed or just mentally ill people to "think positively," like it's not that fucking easy. Depression is a literal illness of an organ, and it's basically the equivalent of telling someone with cancer to consciously decide to no longer have cancer. You can't snap your fingers and fix it.

Do you have the same religious beliefs as your parents? No. I'm positive my mom's Christian, but she's the kind that uses her faith for good and only good, she really does, and never tries to impose it into someone else's life. I'm quite sure my dad's a Christian, especially given how fiercely religious his wife is, but I've never seen him act on it, and he doesn't talk about it. I guess the title that best suits me is agnostic, but I can tell you I very much don't believe in a god that takes care of this planet like its baby, and I don't envision it's anything like any god I know of.

Would you ride a motorcycle if given the chance? (Or have you?) No, I don't think so, I just don't trust them. I think the only case where I MIGHT do it is with my mom driving, she fucking loves motorcycles and it's always been a dream of hers to have one. I trust her with my life and I know she'd love it.

What's your favorite Led Zeppelin song? "Kashmir" wins pretty easy, I honestly haven't loved a whole lotta songs by them that I've heard, even when I was really big into classic rock. I very much respected them, though.

How do you treat yourself? Most likely I'd let myself have a soda.

Are you going to pursue a career according to what you enjoy? I'm very much trying. Doing anything artistic though and gaining traction is pretty damn hard when you're not like, family of somebody already famous; building an art career from the ground up is fucking brutal.

What happens to your old clothes? Mom either donates them or throws them out, it depends on multiple things.

What’s your favorite frozen treat? In general, ice cream, but specifically, these snowcones you can get from a business native to NC, Pelican's SnoBalls, in a few spots. It's insanely customizable and their "menu" is absolutely massive, having so many flavors and other treats you can add into it, and this place is FLOODED in the spring/summer months, it's literally depressing when they close for the winter, lol. You've never had a shaved ice product better than this place, it was literally Sara's favorite thing about here, haha. They even have dog-friendly products! In such a hot state it's great for when a dog is with you in the car, especially when your car doesn't have working AC, lol.

Teach me something in another language. Uh not writing in the language itself, but I always thought it was interesting how numbers 21+ are read in German; it's backwards to English-speakers, like you read the smallest numeral first, then the second, third, etc.; like 26 just as an example would be read "sechsundzwanzig," despite the two coming first in the number itself. It gets more complicated as you pass 100 thresholds though; if there's a comma in numbers because of its size, you do say like, how many billions there are before the millions. It's bonkers how long you can make a singular word in German if you're writing out numbers in non-digit form.

What type of music do you like and why? Most kinds of metal and rock, and I'm particularly fond of electronic elements being added to music like that.

Would you be/are you a good role model to a younger sibling? I'm not, Nicole has exceeded me as a human in a number of ways; it's hard to believe she's my "little" sister. Pretty sure I'm always going to see myself as the disappointing/embarrassing sibling.

Have you ever dated someone you work with? No.

List all of your siblings’ middle names. "Nicole" and "Marie" are the only two that I remember.

What was the last present someone gave you and what was the occasion? A bouquet of flowers, for completing physical therapy.

When was the last time you left the house? Where’d you go? Yesterday, to get my tattoo finished.

What’s the most number of people you’ve ever lived with? I want to say the most was five; on two different instances Misty and Bobby lived with us when I was a little kid, but neither stayed permanently for different reasons.

Do you have any pets? How long have you had them? I've had Venus since 2017, and Roman 2018. We've had Cookie less than two years, I know.

Do you like flowers? If so, what type? Of course, I love all flowers for their individual beauty, like I'm one of those people that totally agrees with calling flowers "nature's candy." Does anybody not like flowers, aesthetically?

Do you know anyone who has an odd pet? What do they have? I'm sure I do, but this also depends on what you consider as "odd."

Do you like sapphires? Are they your favourite gemstone, or if not, what is? Sapphires are gorgeous, yeah, but I definitely prefer things like opals, specifically dragon's breath opal. Opals can just be so many different colors.

Did you have a traditional gender colored room when little? Pink, purple? No.

Can you read sheet music? I USED to be able to, I remember very little now.

Do you know who your latest ex is dating? I have no idea if she's with anyone, I never let myself check her socials out or anything.

What are your plans for the weekend? It is the weekend; I'm not doing anything today, but tomorrow, Mom and I go to Girt's place for this yearly dinner they do in memory of his dad; it's his favorite meal. It includes things that are very popularly disliked (such as chicken hearts), and thankfully because of last year I think they already know I'm not eating/am eating before coming, I know at least Girt knows.

Have you ever dated someone who was emotionally or mentally unstable? Yes.

Do you have to sleep with a television on? No, I very much prefer no TV, unlike how I was as a kid. It's distracting, and I already have enough trouble falling asleep.

If you were offered to smoke some weed right now would you accept? No, I never want to smoke anything.

What did you purchase last? I paid the remaining cost to finish my tattoo yesterday.

Do you think your most recent ex misses having you around? No.

Ever seen your best friend cry? Yes, once. It's pretty damn hard to make him cry.

Do you have any brothers? If so, what are their names? Yes; his legal name is Robert, but I've always known him as Bobby.

Ever thought you would be with someone forever? I sure did, so intensely that I really, really, REALLY did consider it an indisputable fact; at that time, a future didn't exist for me without Jason, like it FACTUALLY was not possible that we were going to split, and I know that's exactly why our breakup resulted in literal, diagnosed PTSD. It completely destroyed my way of thinking, it just flipped my brain entirely on its head, and I couldn't cope for a very, very long time.

What grades did you get in middle school? Pretty much solely As and Bs.

Last time you used a knife? Yesterday for dinner, Mom made steak.

What’s one thing you’ve never done but would like to try? Travel out of the country.

What are you doing for Valentine’s Day? Uh I have no idea what we're doing next year for it, it's already passed for '23.

What month did you come into the world in? February.

Do you prefer rabbits to mice? No; I love both, like a lot, but I know more about mice and rats and find them to be very interesting creatures and fantastic, loving pets.

Who out of all the people you know reasonably well is the most "dark?" Uh I really don't know, I have a lot of friends that like dark aesthetics, but they aren't dark people.

Favourite chocolate-based candy? Reese's!

[topconfessions]

What do you think is the type of top getting into a serious relationship?

1 Someone young like 5-10 year gap but not minor 2 Same Sex 3 Shotgun Wedding because of pregnancy 4 Foreigner 5 VIP (Fan) 👸🏻🤡 6 Single till his last breath because he is married to his art collection💀

in Order of how I see him dating for real.

(TOP NUMBERS ARE BIGGEST CHANCES AND THE LAST NUMBER IS LOWEST CHANCE*)

2 & 1 (UNLESS south korea magically changes overnight, which it won't, he'd be with a regular woman who is younger as a lavender marriage but have a husband / long term male partner secretly.)

6

3

5

4

but if I had to pick one strictly and realistically? I'd say remain a george clooney type publicly but date very young and then remain single till old age and then marry a young woman.

everyone please don't get offended and attack me but top does not see his fans that way and detests us in that sense. it's not like wrestlers or pop stars in america who are winding down from fame and are willing to entertain fans. it would be a VERY slim slim miracle to pull him as a fan and you'd need so much going for you that it's unrealistic or by very slim otherwordly luck have his same interests and he finds you then likes your stuff.

it's like how some anon once tried to alledge here years ago that top was connecting with her "Friend" on IG and found her through her art / hobby posts, serial liked all her stuff and stayed a follower liking her stuff overtime and alluded to possibly more happening with speaking but promotions came around and he instantly disappeared one top of the fact something was happening? / the girl got worried about something happening with fans? idk it's so fucking long ago I can';t exactly remember what happened but I know she expressed the fan fearing a ton of fans bombarding her. something along those lines of fans beginning to stalk her when they realized top was active on her posts.

idk. bullshit story to me. I'm not dragging top just being honest he has a bit of a social awkwardness to him and even if he's growing out of it, it's... fuck it, I'm gonna say it anyway, he's has an enlitest type of vibe to him and this is just me. this is something I wont take back or reneg on. top knows the division in society and he just won't be caught dead fucking with a nobody especially if he comes from no money, no wealth or good family or a circle of socialities or important people to justify it. it's just to slim.

a foreigner at the most if he married one would be Japanese.

hope this helps.

[kazewhara]

May I request the reader being childe’s younger sibling in their teen years and ends up falling into the abyss while he’s off in Liyue

what happened to you?

# — characters: gender neutral reader, childe/ajax, skirk, zhongli, aether, lumine, kaeya, albedo

# — summary: you're not the same person ajax left behind.

# — warnings: blood/fighting/injury mentions

# — tags: hc/drabble format, egregious canon divergence, angst, fluff ??, abyss prince aether, kaeya and albedo are associated with the abyss, traveler lumine

# — notes: when i saw this req, i got so fucking excited, you have no idea. this is so cool to think about, holy shit. when i say i sat here and wrote this for hours, i mean it very very seriously. also, if it wasn't already obvious, i have a thing for making the reader strong, so this is really up my alley. anyways, as always, reblogs are appreciated and i'd love to know what you think about this! i hope you enjoy!

# — tag list: @marius-z @sxnnyserene @favonius-captain @the-gayest-sky-kid @chichikoi

want to join the tag list?

✧ — 🐋 — ✧

it's actually not specified just how many older siblings childe has, but it is known that he has some

so let's say for the sake of this post that you were born after ajax

the gap between you two isn't very large -- he's in his very early twenties and you're in your late teens -- but it's enough to make a difference

he treats you almost the same as he treats tonia, teucer, and anthon, and no matter how much you tell him to stop, he just .. won't

don't get me wrong, ajax is an amazing older brother

it's just that he has this habit of treating you like a little kid

you followed closely at his heels when you two were a bit younger

you looked up to him despite him being a timid boy, because though he was timid, he was ambitious

even before he became a fighter, he vowed to protect you by any means necessary

so, onto the abyss.

when ajax returned after being missing for three days, you tried to cling to him as you usually did, but a simple glance at him told you everything you needed to know about him

whoever it was that came out of that forest... wasn't your brother.

something was missing in your brother's eyes when he came home that day -- something important. you didn't notice it at first, but you were still the first to notice something was wrong.

when he ran away with nothing but a bag of bread and a shortsword, you shared in your mother's grief, even at the age of 10. with snezhnaya's unforgiving weather, you were sure that you would stumble across ajax's frozen body within a day. your father was on a trip somewhere far away, and your mother was too busy tending to your lively home to set out to search for her son herself.

"we just have to wait," your mother told you, her face swollen from crying for hours. she loved each and every one of you more than she loved herself; if something happened to any one of you, it would surely break her down. you wept with your mother as she cradled you in her arms. "by the grace of the cryo archon, he'll return." she whispered.

you, like many other snezhnayans, trusted in the cryo archon's judgement, even if she was merciless at times. you said silent prayers for two nights, hoping that she would answer.

when dawn broke on the third day, you truly thought the tsaritsa heard your desperate pleas.

you were the first one awake that morning. you often climbed into bed with ajax since you had frequent nightmares and a horrid fear of the dark, but without him there to fight off the terrors of the night, you couldn't sleep very well. you quietly trudged around your house with your favorite blanket draped across your shoulders. mornings were quiet in your house, even if there were so many of you living there.

you gazed tiredly out the window at the snowy terrain. you remembered your mother's words about waiting and rested your head on the cool windowpane. you would have given anything to see your brother walk out from the forest in the distance, safe and sound.

apparently, you didn't have to give a thing. movement in the distance caught your eye and you squinted, straining your eyes to try and make out the features of the stranger. as they got closer, you pick up the faint image of a familiar shortsword.

it's him. it had to be. you were sure of it.

not caring if you were wrong, you shed your blanket and flung open the door, your face aching with how wide your smile was. "ajax!" you screamed at the person.

they halted in their tracks at the sound of the same and waited for a few seconds before they picked up the pace, sprinting towards you. once they got a little closer, you noticed the familiar head of orange hair and ran to meet them halfway, your bare feet sinking into the snow.

your mother and siblings came running down the stairs behind you, afraid that something had happened to you, but stilled themselves when they saw you tackling your brother into a crushing hug, the two of you collapsing into the snow with loud laughter.

"we were so worried about you!" you cried, your arms tightening around your brother. he was still laughing. "why did you leave us?"

ajax pushed himself up and took you along with him, hoisting you into his arms as he started towards the house. you yelped at the swift movement and wrapped your legs around him. "i wanted to explore by myself for a while," he said, his hand patting your back. "i scared you, didn't i?"

you nodded quickly. "mhm! more than the monsters under the bed!"

ajax made a soft sound. "that's no good. i'm sorry. i'll make it up to you when we get inside, okay? let's get you warmed up first."

your entire family doted on ajax all day when you two got inside. you all treated him to his favorite foods and games while your mother inspected him for injuries despite his insistence that she stop.

that should have been the warning sign.

when the day ended and everyone returned to their rooms to head to sleep, you and ajax stayed on the living room floor and talked about his time away. you told him about how you tried to be a big kid with him gone -- how you tried and failed to fight off any monsters that may have been lurking in your room. ajax patted your head with an apologetic smile.

"i'll crush those monsters for you tonight, okay?" he said.

at first you were excited to agree, but as you looked at your brother with the same starry eyes you always did, you found that something was.. off.

maybe it was the wording of his promise that tipped you off. he sounded far too enthusiastic about the idea of fighting off non-existent monsters. you knew very well that there were no monsters in your room; you were just afraid of the dark. it made you feel better to think there were so you could pretend to beat them up and conquer your fears. if you were both aware that this nightly monster hunt was a game, why did he look so excited by the idea of a battle?

you stared at ajax for a little while longer, trying to figure out if you were just making stuff up because you were scared. once you were in panic mode, it was hard to not see everything as some sort of monster. ajax was always the exception to that feeling.

or at least, he used to be.

you nodded and made an excuse about having to use the bathroom, scurrying up the stairs as quickly as your feet could manage. your breathing began to pick up as you recalled what you saw -- or more precisely, what you didn't see -- in your brother's eyes.

the two of you were beneath the ceiling lights.

then why couldn't you see the lights reflected in his eyes?

ajax wasn't stupid. he picked up on your sudden fear of him right away that day.

he found it odd, though, that you didn't behave as though you were afraid of him.

there was a wall between you two that wasn't there before, but every so often you would reach across it, even when he caused trouble and started unnecessary fights.

your relationship mended itself over time because of his gratitude.

you were the only member of the family who knew of his early promotion to harbinger status. you disagreed with his way of life, but you tried not to treat him any different.

ajax was a different person altogether, and yet you still tried to accept that new person as your brother.

ajax, now childe, revises his vow:

to protect you and your light at all costs.

he did what he could to protect you, even from afar when he was sent to liyue. you exchanged letters with him that were separate from the ones he sent to the family

he would detail his plans and his complaints, and send you special gifts recommended by this zhongli person he met.

he tells you via letter one day that he met a fascinating blonde traveler. from a moment's glance, he knew she would be the perfect sparring partner and he told you as such

but towards the end, he tells you how much he thinks you would like her.

she was a lot like you, apparently.

so naturally, you decide that you have to meet her. crazy as your brother may be, it's not every day that you hear about ajax being so amazed by someone who wasn't the tsaritsa

you pack your stuff and sneak away in the night, making your way to the harbor by taking a shortcut through the forest

unfortunately, you ended up taking a very, very, VERY long detour.

when you come to, you immediately realize that there's a gap in your memory.

you remember tucking away ajax's last letter to you under your pillow; you remember walking through the forest to get to the docks; you remember being startled so badly by a passing deer that you slipped.

after that...

your body enters survival mode in an instant as you take in your surroundings. you were a smooth, ebony marble floor and as you look around, you notice that the rest of this room -- this castle -- was made of a similar material. you appear to be in a dark throne room of sorts; there was some obvious wear and damage that tainted the room, but there was an undeniable elegance in the obsidians, navys, golds, and silvers that made up the room.

how did you end up in a castle, of all places? did you fall and hit your head so hard that you fell into a coma? were you just dreaming? what throne room would be in the middle of the forest?

"another one?" a voice comes from in front of you, where the throne is. you blink rapidly when you actually see a blonde man in strange clothing sitting there. he wasn't there before, was he? you were alone a second ago.

"do the people of teyvat only know how to stare?" he scoffs at you, crossing one leg over the other. "what happened to common greetings?"

the blonde stranger has eyes that match the golden plating of his clothes, you notice. they burn holes through you as they seem to glow brighter in the dark atmosphere. he's suddenly joined by two other men; one with long blue hair and an eyepatch, and another with ashy light blonde hair and teal eyes so bright, you almost feel the need to shield your eyes. the newcomers stand on opposite sides of the throne, each of them assuming different postures.

"with all due respect," the man with teal eyes speaks. his voice is smooth and quiet. "the people of teyvat are not used to circumstances like this."

the blonde in the throne clicks his tongue impatiently. "then why do they put themselves in said circumstances?" his eyes haven't left yours for a second. you're too shell-shocked to speak; it must show on your face, because the blonde outlander raises an eyebrow at you, a small smirk forming when he sees you back away. "cute. they're afraid of me."

you struggle to find your voice. "wh-who," you swallow dryly, "who are you people? where am i? how did i get here?"

the blue-haired man leans on the throne nonchalantly. "my, my," he croons, "so many questions, and you've only just arrived here, little one." he chuckles when you visibly shudder at the sound of his voice. "i think we ought to introduce ourselves, no?"

the man with teal eyes hums in agreement. "i think that'd be best. we need to appear less threatening if we want them to start talking."

you make a small squeaking sound. what were they going to do to you if you didn't talk? thanks to your years of being around ajax, you picked up on his ability to read environments very well. this new place is terrifying and reeks of ancient death, but the men before you seem completely harmless, though that does little to soothe you. you were an intruder in their eyes, and only the archons know what they might do to an intruder like you.

you squeeze your eyes shut, fearing the worst. you just wanted to see your brother again -- wanted to see how happy he was in liyue. you didn't ask for all this. you just wanted to go home.

"it's been a while since someone's come down here." a woman's voice comes from behind you, scaring you enough to make you yelp out loud. her voice is rich and rough around the edges. she chuckles as you scoot backwards on the floor in an attempt to stay away from her. "we got ourselves a scaredy-cat this time, your highness."

your highness?!

you whirl back around to look at the blonde man in the chair. the white accents of his clothes and jewelry glow in response to the title. he was royalty? your stomach drops as your brain reminds you of what happens to people who disrespect those of such high standing.

"enough, skirk." the prince orders. "don't give them the wrong idea."

the woman -- skirk, apparently -- shrugs and walks towards the throne. "fine, fine." when she gets to where the prince and the other two men are, she shifts her weight onto one leg as she examines you from afar. her eyes suddenly light up with recognition. "say, kid; you wouldn't happen to be related to an 'ajax', would you?"

you feel the blood drain from your face. "h-how do you know my brother's name?"

skirk laughs. "i knew you looked familiar! say, how is he these days? i've been meaning to kick his ass again someday, but he never visits."

the prince snorts. "you'd prefer if people fell in this hellhole more often?"

"eh, it keeps me on my toes."

"how," you raise your voice abruptly, "how do you know my brother? answer me!"

you're not sure where you got the confidence to speak to these strangers with such force, but as time passes, you realize that you're cornered. each of these people possess so much raw power that you can almost taste it; even if you stayed quiet, you'd be no closer to escaping this place unscathed. so, you figure you may as well get as many answers as you can before they kill you.

you feel yourself break into a cold sweat at the thought of dying here. you were going to die alone -- your family has no idea that you left home and ajax thinks you're still at home, helping your mother around the house. none of them would know that you ended up here. ajax, anthon, tonia, teucer... none of them would know a thing. tears sting your eyes but you blink them away.

skirk makes an impressed noise. "your brother wasn't as brave as you, y'know." she praises. "he tried to act all tough in the beginning, but i heard him crying himself to sleep for like, a week. but you... you've got guts. i like it."

you give skirk your dirtiest scowl and feel exasperation build when she smiles at you. ajax ended up here when he went missing all those years ago? well, it was no wonder he came back a different person; these people were fucking insane. he's lucky he was able to fight and survive for so long.

skirk's words replay in your head. did she say ajax was here for a week? but that doesn't make any sense. he was only gone for three days.

"what is this place?" you ask after a moment.

"and that," the prince suddenly stands, "is where i come in. i think we should get on with these introductions, don't you?"

"what?" you blurt. "b-but you didn't answer my--"

the blonde ignores you. he introduces himself as aether. "currently, i'm in charge of whatever is left of this place. this," he points to the man with teal eyes, "is albedo. this man here is kaeya," he points at the man with blue hair, "and this--"

skirk holds up a hand, cutting aether off. you wonder why she hasn't been punished for her insolence yet. "i think i'll do a proper introduction later." she says, her eyes locked on yours. "believe it or not, we have some history together."

aether nods understandingly and makes his way over to you. when he takes a knee a little ways away to look at you at eye level, you belatedly realize that you've been on the floor this whole time. your face warms with shame; you're making a prince kneel because you're too weak to stand on your own.

now that he's closer, though, you notice how... kind his face really is. from this distance, his eyes look less like blinding lights and remind you more of the sun. you almost start to feel warm under his gaze. why was he looking at you like that now when he looked like he wanted to kill you a little while ago?

"you must be scared out of your mind, huh?" aether asks. he's lowered his tone for you. when you don't back away from him, you see the ghost of a smile appear on his face. "i'm sorry about earlier. we have to put up a front if we want people to respect us if and when they show up here."

"who wouldn't respect a prince like you?"

aether's laugh is low and mirthless. "you'd be surprised. here, if you want respect, you have to earn it by any means necessary. we test any intruders by intimidating them because humans reveal their true colors when they're at their most vulnerable."

you blink, dazed by his words. hasn't ajax said something like that before..? "s-so... did i pass?"

you didn't think you said that very loud, but apparently you did, because kaeya and skirk snicker from where they stand. you feel your face burn. aether's smile grows. "yes, little one." he rises to his feet and extends a hand to you, offering to help you up. you hesitate but take his hand regardless, pulling yourself to your feet with aether's help.

"you pass."

what happened then?

as nice as that little introduction to the abyss order was, rest assured that things did not remain that way.

first of all, aether and albedo explain to you in no uncertain terms that you cannot leave this place unless the abyss lets you

you basically have to prove yourself -- prove your worth -- if you want to come and go as you please.

and so, skirk puts you through training

and let me tell you, her training is HELL.

for weeks, you lie awake because of the pain she puts you through for hours at a time.

her endurance training tests not only your stamina, but your pain tolerance. she pushes you to the brink of death and barely waits for you to come back before she's on your ass again

you feel like giving up by the time the first month is over, but skirk sits you down after training one day and explains that you were progressing ten times faster than your brother did.

"ajax wasn't weak," she says, "not by a long shot. but he didn't have any prior training, and that stunted his growth." she hands you something to drink, chuckling when you gulp at it desperately. "did ajax even train you? also, slow down, kid, you might choke."

you gasp for air once you think you're fully hydrated. "no," you say between breaths, "he didn't."

now that you were acutely aware of your natural strengths and weaknesses, you know that you were born with better instincts than the average person. skirk told you that it was actually intuition, but you felt it was more than that. maybe it was a combination of the two.

if it was your intuition, then you would know why you felt the way you did in certain situations. intuition was born out of experiences and was based in your subconscious; in your case, you would have had to experienced all sorts of danger at some point to know why you respond the way you do.

but you didn't have any experience. up until now, you were a completely normal sixteen year old with a normal(-ish) life. somehow, your quick reactions and responses were already hardwired into you. with these sharp instincts, you quickly became a better fighter than even your brother.

skirk frowns at your words. "he should have. there's a lot of potential in you, and you're only just now tapping into it. now," she taps you twice, "let's get back to it."

you groan and stand, ignoring the screaming of your joints.

"oh, and one more thing." skirk pats your shoulder fondly. "happy birthday, kid. let's go."

you gape at your instructor. you never told her your birthday.

somehow, between the hellish training and near death experiences, you found a family in the people you met in the abyss.

your 17th birthday came and went, and before you knew it, you'd been in the abyss for six months.

by this point, you've grown close to the abyss prince

he's incredibly multi-faceted, which made more sense to you when you learned that he wasn't even a being from this world

he's a lot more terrifying and powerful than he looks, which didn't surprise you, considering you could feel power rolling off of him from the moment you met

you also learn that he's a twin and that they're separated from each other. he looks so guilty when he tells you the story.

"i walked away from her." aether says with a bitter smile. "i can't leave this place -- these people. not until i've finished what needs to be done. i'm sure she'll understand soon."

you hum in understanding. if ajax was here for three months, then surely he knew about this too. you wonder, distantly, if you'll be able to reconnect with him after this. "can i ask what your sister's name is?"

aether's smile becomes fond as several memories flash before his eyes. "lumine." he murmurs her name so softly; so reverently. you smile in return. you get that feeling. "her name is lumine."

"i was going to liyue to meet her," you inform the prince. his eyes widen a fraction, but he doesn't look displeased. "ajax talks so highly of her, so i wanted to be her friend."

aether rests a hand on your head. your smile fades when you think that he reminds you of ajax.

"she'd love you as much as i do." the prince says.

you find a family during your time down there.

what happens when you leave?

reality is not as kind to you as i've made it seem

age means nothing in the abyss. you are not spared a single detail. you know everything from your time there.

you fight alongside the remaining peoples of khaenri'ah, doing the job that the famed twilight sword could not.

you are highly respected and feared, but you become jaded in response.

you earn your electro vision while fighting monsters, but it means nothing to you. not when you know what you know.

a year passes in the abyss before you are told by albedo that you should leave with him.

(assuming that ajax was in the abyss for three months but was only missing for 3 days, the same would apply to you. 12 months = 12 days.)

he has responsibilities in mondstadt, but he can ensure that you arrive in liyue safely.

he, like aether, kaeya, and skirk, have become family to you, so saying your goodbyes is a tearful affair

sort of. you haven't cried in almost 5 months now, but you're not emotionless. you don't know the next time you'll see aether or skirk again, so its only natural you get choked up

you take albedo's hand and suddenly... you're in liyue harbor. you have no idea how he managed to get you here, but before you can thank him, he's gone.

you're on your own now, but it doesn't daunt you much. you decide to sightsee before setting off to find your brother.

ajax has become... secondary.

it ticks you off that the people of liyue hold rex lapis in such high regard. if only they knew how much blood their beloved archon had on his hands.

you're also disgusted with your former self; you can't believe you once thought the tsaritsa was worthy of respect. going home seems like a terrible idea.

keep in mind, you're still just a kid, but you've adopted the mind of a warrior -- of a soldier.

(although you will admit, it's strange having had a birthday in the abyss only to re-emerge and still technically be sixteen, but we move)

you have the marks of a soldier all over you; the faded bruises, the scars, fresh and old alike

the calloused hands, the honed senses..

you and ajax are now on the same page; you both see yourselves as weapons

but now, you are weapons pointed at each other.

what does he think when he sees you?

after being your own tour guide and familiarizing yourself with liyue harbor, you decide that it's finally time to face your brother.

you head to northland bank and walk in with your head held high. you know how the people of snezhnaya judge those who look as though they don't belong. the fatui, as snezhnayan citizens, must be even worse than the average person.

you may have been raised in a home overflowing with love, but just outside that home was a nation so unforgiving, even the weather acted as judge, jury, and executioner on behalf of the citizens.

you make your way to the receptionist and keep your expression as blank as possible. "i'm here for the eleventh." you say. it rubs you the wrong way having to address your brother in such a manner, but you brush it off. "where is he?"

the receptionist, ekaterina, glares at you suspiciously from behind her mask. she must be sizing you up. "i'm afraid i don't know who you're referring to." she answers you slowly. "did your parents ask you to say something like this?"

you actually chortle. she has a point; you may not feel like it, but you're still a child. plus, kaeya taught you that you shouldn't try to make yourself tough. doing that would make you seem like an inexperienced idiot. ekaterina asks you what's funny and you shake your head.

"it's nothing. no, my parents didn't put me up to this." you drop your shoulders and roll them back. you'd been holding them so high this whole time because you've never had to put your training into practice on actual people before. the tension seeps right out of you as you realize how easy this is. "i know what i said. should i not have called him the eleventh? should i call him by name?" you smirk when the receptionist begins to fluster. "what? did you think i didn't know who he was?"

"i... would advise against it." ekaterina says. she looks left and right before calling another employee over. they discuss something in hushed tones for a moment before you see the other person start ushering people out of the bank.

confused, you put your hands behind your back and grab your wrist. the sudden emptying of the bank puts you on edge, but you know better than to call on your weapon before your potential opponent does. "is there a reason for this?" you ask as politely as you can muster.

ekaterina gestures to the door and you turn to see two fatui agents blocking it. that was your only exit. "miss, either you explain what's going on, or i find the eleventh myself." you warn lowly. "i'd rather not do the latter."

the receptionist ignores you. "you're a dangerous person, calling on lord harbinger so freely. rather than trouble him with your presence, i believe we should handle you first."

you sigh. not even six hours on the surface and you're already being challenged. you release your wrist and shake your head. you know what you came here for; if your brother was going to be the one to handle you, then you'd prefer that.

"i'd rather not harm you and your co-workers, ma'am." you tilt your head in an attempt to come across as harmless as possible, but you feel the presence of the two fatui agents slowly approaching from behind you. did they think you wouldn't notice them because of their cloaking? "you have about five seconds before i call on him myself. i know he's here."

"your bluffing skills need work, little one." is all ekaterina says before she tilts her chin up. it must be a signal, because the two fatui agents are suddenly speeding at you from both sides.

you avoid them with ease and use all the air in your lungs to call for your brother. "ajax!"

"alright, alright."

to the surprise of the agents who have their knives pointed at your throat, ajax strides down the stairs in the back, his face dark. "is all of this really necessary?" he's speaking to the agents, who have all bowed before him. "who could possibly warrant this kind of behavior from you?"

you clear your throat, forcing your brother to look your way. you wiggle your fingers in greeting and laugh at his expression. "i think they mistook me for someone else." you chuckle.

ajax's humorous expression becomes unreadable very quickly. it's hard to pinpoint what exactly he's feeling as he looks at you. "you..." he murmurs. he steps towards you and holds your face in his hands as gently as his hands possibly can. he flicks his other hand to dismiss the remaining agents, his eyes not leaving yours for a second. "you're here..?"

your smile grows tight with confusion. "uh.. yes? are you gonna start interrogating me now?"

ajax puffs out a breath. "no, that's not..." he suddenly pulls you into a bone-crushing hug.

"a-ajax, this wasn't the reunion i had in mind," you wheeze as you struggle to hug him back. "are you happy to see me or not?"

your brother sniffs softly. "mom told me... you'd gone missing." his voice is quiet and shaky. even before his return from the abyss, he would always lower his voice when he was on the brink of tears. "you ran away from home, didn't you..?"

you're not sure what kind of sharp pain stabs your chest, but you think it might be guilt. without thinking, you did the exact same thing to your parents that your brother did, except this time, they must genuinely believe that you're dead. you tighten your hold on ajax. "i was coming to see you," you confess. "you made lumine sound really cool, so i... i left. i, uh.." you grimace slightly. "got lost."

ajax lets you go at that and goes back to staring at you so intently, you think he's looking for something. just then, you think he finds it, because he suddenly looks disturbed. "you got lost." he repeats. there's something stony and suspicious in his tone. you don't like it. "where exactly? do you know?"

he knows you're lying. or at least, it seems that way. you decide to play dumb. "i dunno," you lie, "i've never been outside snezhnaya."

that part wasn't a lie, but ajax still looks at you in disbelief. "you're not telling me everything." he's starting to glare at you now. "tell me the truth."

"i told you the truth, ajax."

"people don't just go for missing for twelve days, come back alive, and have no recollection of what happened." ajax crosses his arms over his chest. you're picking up on some growing hostility. not disappointment, not relief... hostility. "either tell me the truth, or--"

"or what?" you snap. you knew things would be different when you got back, but you didn't think it would be like this. part of you wanted to keep your relationship with ajax intact, but as the two of you go on your guard, you know that that's not going to be possible. "what will you do, ajax? fight me over a lie?"

ajax's eyebrows twitch. "why do you think i'm going to fight you? do i look like i am?"

"don't act stupid," you gesture to his posture. he's not in any fighting stance, but experience tells you that he's preparing himself for battle. you're not sure if he's going to go on offense or defense, but it doesn't matter. he's wary of you, and he's doing a terrible job of hiding it. "you're terrible at masking bloodlust, ajax."

your brother visibly tenses and takes a step back. recognition flashes in his eyes. "what did you say?"

"i said you fucking suck at hiding when you want to fight. be more subtle about it. i don't wanna fight you anyways." a part of you begins to ache at the way ajax is acting, but at his core, he's the servant of the very archons you were now trained to resist. he was your enemy now, whether you liked it or not.

the ache spreads through your whole body and your frustration fizzles out. why did it have to be this way? you started your journey just to see ajax, so why? why was he looking at you like that? you reach towards him. "i really, really don't want to fight you, ajax." you say brokenly. "please."

ajax doesn't share in your sentiments. you've never seen him in action before, but now, you think you understand what his enemies feel when he's before them. he shakes his head slightly, his expression pained. "would you stop saying my name like that?"

"what? ajax, i--"

"only my family calls me by that name," he cuts in sharply.

tears sting your eyes. "ajax..."

"you're not my little sibling." it looks like it hurts him to say it -- like he doesn't believe the words coming out of his own mouth, but he continues. "i don't know who you are, but you aren't them." he pauses to turn some words over in his mouth. "but... if you are, then... i need you to tell me the truth."

you shake your head. "of course i'm your little sibling! b-but i can't tell you everything, okay? i want to, i do, but skirk, she--" your throat closes. you've said too much.

ajax rushes forward and holds your shoulder tightly. "you met her. i fucking knew something was wrong with you -- that's where you were."

"i c-can't say anymore than that," you cry, tears falling on their own accord. you were so close to losing ajax completely just now. even if you two could never be what you once were, you didn't want to lose your brother. he was all you had now -- if you went home, they'd likely give you the same treatment they gave him. "i was there, but i can't--"

"twelve days... a fucking year?" ajax looks mortified at the thought of being in the abyss for so long. shattered sympathy fills his eyes. "what happened to you?"

you shake your head mutely. you've already said too much. if you say anymore, you might ruin the delicate balance that aether's worked so hard to maintain. so you hug your brother, finally sobbing as the horrors of the past year replay in your mind.

it was terrifying, what happened there. the things you saw and learned were enough to bring the strongest person to their knees. but you, a mere child, stuck around for an entire year, fighting a war you had no business being involved in. you were exhausted and damaged, and you nearly lost the only family you had left.

ajax presses you to his chest, shushing you quietly. "alright, alright. you're safe now." you sob again, and he sighs shakily. if you could see him, you'd see the silent tears on his face. "you're safe."

✧ it's been like. six hours. i really hope this didn't fall apart at the end... anyways, i suppose i'll announce that i'm planning an interactive story event to celebrate reaching 400! it's still in the planning stage, but i just wanted to let you guys know bc i'm really excited :D okay i hope you enjoyed it bye !

[saviourkingslut]

10 27 37 for fe asks!!

ok first of all sorry for answering this ask 30000 years late but question 37 threw me for a loop a bit and i wanted to give you a proper answer so here we go lmao

10. A character you find underrated?

i mean ig ive said it before but rodrigue and also hanneman, tho for different reasons. i think that rodrigue gets vilified by a large part of the fandom bc of things felix says abt him as a traumatised and emotionally stunted teenager that aren't actually true - but people tend to take him at his word and so rodrigue gets cast as the classic bad fire emblem dad when he's actually one of the more supportive and involved fathers on the entire 3h cast.

hanneman's an old guy to the point that he's more gilf than dilf and also a total side character which by default makes him uninteresting to most people in fandom, plus he's kind of shit as a unit gameplay wise. however 1) i think he's hot 2) he has some very interesting supports where he gets to be a caring and dependable mentor or father figure (marianne) but that still allow him his own character growth and to look at things from new perspectives despite his age and experience (like his chain w/ lysithia).

27. Any fanfics/fan content you'd recommend? (You can plug your own stuff it's fine)

oohhh i am completely obsessed with The Lion and the Bear by notallbees. it's a dimivain fic in which sylvain, felix and ingrid all grew up with lambert, though lambert still died and they protect dimitri now. this is from the summary:

Sylvain ran his gaze over Dimitri and laughed under his breath. "You've grown again."

"Not on purpose," Dimitri said, and smiled when his words made Sylvain laugh. "I am so glad you've come. How was your journey? Will you be staying long?"

Sylvain grinned, holding up his hands in surrender. "One question at a time, lad," he said, then paused and glanced around them. "Forgive my manners," he said, taking a step back so that he could offer Dimitri a subtle bow, inclining his head and shoulders. "Your Royal Highness."

WEAK for the 'lad' dynamic. anyway most of the story takes place at gautier, where dimitri goes with sylvain alone to be with his favourite person in the world celebrate his birthday. i am crying shaking sobbing every time i read this fic (and i re-read it a lot). the chemistry and comradery and tenderness between sylvain and dimitri is so beautiful, i just can't get over it. the way their relationship grows and the writing itself, it's just gorgeous. full disclosure: dimitri is 16 in this fic whereas sylvain is probably in his late 30s or early 40s, and a lot of their relationship is centred around an 'older mentor/younger protégé' dynamic that might make people uncomfortable. im absolutely enchanted with it every time i read it, however, and though i am an age gap and mentor/protégé relationship enjoyer, i don't usually go in for the underage stuff, so maybe? give it a try?

other than that i also really enjoyed Survivor's Burden by lalabelle, a dimiclaude fic that takes place right after gronder. i'll put the summary here:

Claude had plans. Plans to turn the tides, to end this horrific war of attrition that has been going on for far too long. To convince the Faerghus army to work together, to combine their efforts to take down the Adrestian army and end this senseless war once and for all. Then he sees Dimitri.

He’s a monster, a mess, and a beast of a man. He’s violent and unpredictable and indiscriminate in his slaughter, working through the field like a man possessed, the strength of the crest of Blaiddyd coursing through his veins. They never stood a chance.

this is a fic in which dimitri is very much 'feral', for lack of a better word, so if that's not your cup of tea i'd advise against it, but it isn't used to generate smut or anything. rather, claude decides to save dimitri and take him off of the battlefield and into the forest after which they have to flee into the forests, and then he has to try and keep the both of them alive. for most of the fic dimitri is in a very dark and deep place mentally, which means that he is somewhat primal in his interactions, but what i love about this fic is that despite being terrified and broken his protective and caring personality still shines through, trying to help claude out there in the wilderness. and in return claude tries his hardest to take care of dimitri, who ofc is pretty severly wounded after gronder. besides their characterisations it's again the slow development of their relationship that really makes me appreciate this fic so much, it feels very natural.

37. What's a weird theory or headcanon you have?

i really like fleshing out worldbuilding for adrestia, faerghus and leicester, especially with the help of historical nations and cultures. i like to think of leicester as a fusion between the italian city states in the late middle ages and the dutch republic. in my mind, their cities are a lot like venice or other northern italian cities such as firenze and siena. i envision the alliance as a country that is very centred on trade, and not just within fódlan - much like the italian city states and the dutch republic, which got their riches through trade! also it's canon that it's an alliance between different territories that don't always get along, which is textbook dutch republic. and the dutch republic had a very strong fleet for a while, which is also something that i imagine leicester to have.

faerghus is largely russian in my mind, because it's such a cold and harsh place to live - ive read 'russia and the russians' by geoffrey hoskings, and a lot of stuff about medieval russia can be copy-pasted right onto faerghus for how well it fits in-universe. like, russia might be huge, but it's cold and a lot of its land is actually kind of shit, agriculturally speaking, and obviously this has implications for the way people can live their lives! i always think of faerghans as especially hardened people, from peasants to knights, simply because of that background. these environmental circumstances also mean that faerghus does not have much to trade with, but is fódlan's main provider of wood and furs, much like scandinavia in the 1500s-1600s. in military (and feudal) terms i prefer to look to medieval and early modern france, however. i don't think faerghus would have a strong navy, because their only access to sea is to the north, but with their martial culture and focus on knights they would have a very strong standing army. i actually have a lot of thoughts on feudalism in fódlan as well but i won't get into that rn bc this post is already getting super long lmao

adrestia is not just an empire, but actively imperialistic, and so for me it is a mixture between nineteenth century great britain and nineteenth and twentieth century germany/prussia (which, come on guys, there's eagles on the adrestian flag too). there is something haughty about the way they view their culture and how the other two countries in fódlan are regarded that i feel fits very well with british attitudes towards, well, everything, in the 1800s. i also have some associations with ancient rome, partly because of the imperialism and the arrogance and partly because there's a bunch of neoclassical architecture on empire combat maps (still losing it at the amfitheatre tho). i think they'd both want to have a great army and a great navy, though their ships would not be as well-built as the leicester ones. they'd be big on trade overseas but since they have all the grain they need, it is more for luxury items than foodstuffs. i also think that part of their army would be drafted or made up of mercenaries (a very common historical practice!) to amass numbers, whereas faerghus' army is smaller (i think there's a significant difference in population numbers between faerghus and the other two countries) but qualitatively much better because of their martial culture.

[salamanderinspace]

personal updates. sheeeesh

I feel I'm officially Fallen on Hard Times. Husband is still out of work and still in full lockdown mode. Won't go out. Won't even take the trash. Very convinced COVID is 100% going to kill him.

He's also been very political lately, sometimes shouting "fuck Ukraine!" randomly or blasting the Russian Anthem 3 or 4 times a day. IDK. I don't engage.

Money is non-existent. No rent, restricted food (which is one the toughest things for me, always). I've applied for disability benefits but that process takes 6-8 months and last time I was refused because too much time had passed between when I last worked full time for an employer and when I was diagnosed. They acknowledged that yes my conditions do qualify me and yes I submitted adequate proof that they affect me now but because I could not prove that they affected me before 2015, I was denied.

My lifelong, incurable, genetic conditions.

IDK I've applied again but even if I get it the max benefits isn't half my rent. My royalties from my "successful" art career ran out last year and since I've been doing small odd jobs or selling a piece here or there. Meanwhile my laptop is very old and very broken (battery cannot charge, for instance) and so is my phone (again can only be used when plugged in.)

Husband seems to struggle with small tasks. He spends a whole day wailing about grocery shopping--which we do by instacart! And I bring the groceries in and put them away. But the instacart is still too much for him. Of course I am empathetic and supportive because I have my own accursed limitations.

Medical stuff. It hurts to move around but I do it anyway. Just muscle spasms and joint pain. I don't think things are much worse than when I was on meds. Emotionally I'm ... having more emotions than I used to. I'm a little on the fence about that. It feels morally correct to have emotions. It feels right and natural and like I should have them. It's stressful, though, because I can't express them to anyone, because everyone else is on a very short string. People get epistemologically threatened when I talk about my feelings. They don't really hear what I'm saying. I say "I feel like society isn't structured in a way that's safe for me or that meets my needs. I feel this is urgent," and they hear "you're bad and I want you to die in a violent revolution." It's so stressful.

I did therapy for awhile but we both agreed that most of the feelings I'm having are normal, reasonable, and Not Illness, and that we should conclude our business. He was a good therapist IMO, which is very rare and very hard to find. Sometimes they hit on you or have 10 cats or show up late to your appointments and only talk about themselves or don't talk at all. So I trusted my guy, my dude, but boy, did he seem tired.

The younger people are, they better they are at listening. I chronically tend to date people who are either much younger or much older than me, partly because that's what I'm attracted to and partly because they don't seem to have the brain worms everybody in my age range has. But I feel shame about that because, you know, age gaps are socially inappropriate and taboo and shamed and so that's another part of my life I can't really talk about.

One feeling I'm having a lot is boredom. I'm so bored with everything. I want to travel. I want to kiss a stranger on the mouth.

The last time I felt like I had Fallen on Hard Times was 2018. I was Down Bad for this girl, who... reciprocated, but didn't want to run away with me, and ended up essentially running away with another woman. My anti-seizure meds were discontinued and pulled from the market for mysterious reasons. So I ended up in the hospital, really in mortal danger. The docs forcibly gave me super heavy seizure meds - Lorazapam maybe? - and it made me disoriented and suggestable. They couldn't figure out WHY I was having symptoms and they got the idea that maybe I'd taken something (I didn't) in, like, a suicidal sort of way. And since I was disoriented and suggestable I was like, ok, whatever, and that's how I got locked in a psych ward for a month. Which was read bad and not the subject of this post.

I just got a call, just now. Not sure if anyone was following the saga of when my insurance suddenly dropped me for no reason and I had to move heaven and earth for months to get them to correct the error. Well, they did correct it, and then I got switched to a new company that took over the old company, and assigned a whole new doctor. So I put in an appointment and waited a month or two and I was supposed to see the doc on Monday. Well, I just got a call that, in the last month, that doc has ceased to take that insurance.

I'm feeling ok right now. I had a bagel for breakfast and carbs are very soothing. Sometime later today I'll be laying in bed, though, asking myself: what can I do? How can I change this? Trying to think my way out of this situation.

I've been pretty involved in politics and activism for the last 10 years. I've also been reading a lot of history, though. It seems like, historically, things do not get better. Not for people like me. The arc of history is not bending upward for people like me. Lately I look at social media and I see a lot of bad takes that make me feel epistmelogically threatened. I mean, that's social media... people just type words and half the time even they don't really believe them. But then you go out into the world and no one is wearing a mask anymore, and I wonder - does it matter, what people feel or believe, or does it matter how they act?

I hate feeling alienated on social media though. Even on tumblr there's no way to curate out all the bad takes without limiting yourself to corporation-friendly sanitized Content (TM).

I miss my therapist. Even if I could see him again I can't afford it. I miss the way he would say, "yes, that's true," really quickly, as if he was so uncomfortable. I don't want to make people uncomfortable. I want people to make choices and do actions based on truth.