#anyway if next season is anything like this one

[izzyspussy]

anyway so seasons 1-early 3 mickey is a pessimist with a dash of nihilist (miserable), and because of that ian looks like an optimist verging on idealist to him.

the fact of the matter is that ian is not an optimist and he certainly is not an idealist. he's a little naive, sure, but less than what would be appropriate for his age. he's also not a pessimist or a nihilist (either kind). or a realist or a pragmatist or any of those.

no, ian is quite simply. unfathomably stubborn. and that is all.

he'll get into west point. he's absolutely certain of this. why? because he fucking said so.

he'll have a real relationship with mickey. they are in love and they are going to be together. this is true. how does he know? because. he. fucking. said so.

he doesn't have hope. he doesn't want things. that's pussy shit. there are precisely three types of things in this world: things ian isn't interested in, things ian already has, and things ian will have. that is simply that!

(which is obviously its own very specific mindset and is at least as extreme as pure optimism and pure pessimism, and is almost certainly just another fun little factor when the force of his will alone is not enough to change the reality of an ongoing traumatic event that contributes to the somewhat early onset of his bipolar disorder. but that's tangential.)

now. once again, disclaimer, these characters cease to exist past early season 5 for me, so there's every chance this next bit is exclusive to MY mickey and ian. there's just no way to know ❤️

that said. ian matures into a nihilist (carefree) - and i would say he's here-ish already in season 4, but in a maladaptive way at that stage - and then eventually matures further into a nihilistic (carefree)-leaning pragmatist.

mickey on the other hand - after a period of having no particular mindset of this type of thing at all which in effect amounts to a months-to-a-year long panic attack where his every action is fueled by emotional desperation and he has no solid concept of his own wants, needs, values, or future beyond the ever-present but totally incoherent certainty that he can't live without ian but ian can and will leave him with ease for even the slightest infraction or failure that terrorizes him like a weasel terrorizes a hen in his every waking moment - um. what was i saying.

oh right. mickey on the other hand, after All That, matures first into a sort of quiet idealism (kind of a pendulum swing maybe, but not quite not also progress, iygiygi), and then. into a less naive version of the old ian's way lmao.

there is no "that's how things are/go" or "that's how the world works" or "life is/isn't fair" or any fundamental human nature or any purpose or lack thereof to life or possible and impossible or likely and unlikely or anything else along any of those lines. there are only two types of things in the world: things that don't matter and mickey's next achievement. and that's that, baby!

and then eventually, mick finishes out at a relatively stable and sustainable realist-leaning optimism, heavily informed by romanticism of the Certain Things Are Meant To Be kind. like, he wouldn't necessarily express that or think of it in those terms. and he doesn't think it's a common thing, in fact it's rare and special and he's very lucky, and even if something is like that it still doesn't mean you don't have to put the work in for it to go well and end up Right. and he doesn't believe in a higher power or in Fate quite as such or in the will of the universe or a cosmic balance or anything like that really.

it's just, you know. sometimes. every now and then. there's just this one little thing that will continuously keep trying to happen without any heed to sense or logic or the incredible odds against it. just something in particular that will forever and always find a way to happen.

like say. for example. there's this gay kid, right? and he gets in this fight and he wins and he's about to bring down a tire iron and ruin this other idiot's pretty face and - for no discernible reason whatsoever - he just... doesn't. and maybe he'll think about it half a dozen years later and wonder why. that one tiny little thing that changed his whole fucking life, why did he do that? what was the reason? and there just. isn't one.

and that's not even all. see, these two dumbasses have no idea the other one is gay too, but some-fucking-how they don't have to say a word or even make any opening moves to just Know they want each other. it's like they read each other's fucking minds, even though he knows, he remembers, he didn't sense anything from ian. but for Some Fucking Reason he just never for a second considered ian wouldn't want him, and ian was in perfect time with him. and maybe he'll think back and try to find an explanation for this part too. was there some body language he read? was there some look in ian's eyes? but the answer is no every time.

and then after that, these two gay kids just can't be kept apart. they just can't. and it's not just that they inexplicably can't resist each other either. every time they're separated they find each other again, no matter what. even when they're the ones to separate themselves, situation after coincidence after happenstance after necessity keeps putting them in each other's orbits. secrecy and jealous exes and gun violence and imprisonment and infidelity and a fucking pathological fear of intimacy and conversion therapy and genuine threat to their lives and marriage to someone else and permanent life-altering illness can't break them up. at least not for long.

and then. somehow. SOME fucking how! after all that, and with the absolutely shit chances that they ever even hooked up in the first place, they actually fucking make it? they don't just get to be together, they get to be happy??

so no, he doesn't believe in god or destiny or soulmates or whatever the fuck. but at the same time, i mean. what other explanation is there?

[whoblewboobear]

I’m watching season one of Bridgeton and even though Simon and Daphne stress me out to no end, I absolutely am thinking about messy regency era starbreaker where Jace is coveted as the diamond (😉) of the season season by King Aguefort.

None of the potential suitors he’d hoped are coming forward and the marriage market is looking bleaker by the day until his older sister, Zara’s, best friend the Duke of house Cliffbreaker, returns in time for the new season. He and Jace get off to an incredibly rocky start, constantly bickering with each other. But there’s something about Duke Cliffbreaker (“My friends call me Porter.”) that he can’t stop thinking about.

One evening they enter an agreement to court each other so Jace appears desirable to other potential suitors and Porter appears unavailable so he can attend to his own private matters. Yes, none of it is real, but Jace can’t help but enjoy the Duke’s company. It terrifies Porter to think that Jace would ever fall for a scoundrel like him. Zara threatens him not to corrupt her brother’s innocence, but how could he?

Jace could never burn for him, why would he? He could only disappoint him. But he can’t resist kissing him in the gardens, can’t resist the pull of his lips, the way Jace’s body feels so correct curling into his touch.

I also cannot leave out the scene where Simon tells Daphne to touch herself that night so she understands pleasure.

The way Porter whispers the obscenity to a man of nobility like him makes Jace’s face flush and his ears burn. But his curiosity gets the better of him that night as he lay in bed, unable to think of nothing other than the Duke’s instructions. The Duke- Porter’s name falls from his lips as he finishes for the first time, toes curling as breathy whines and whimpers echo throughout his chambers.

When they sleep together for the first time, he can’t help but admit he pleasured himself at the thought of Porter. All Porter has to say is “show me,” for him to be half way gone on their wedding night.

-

Bonus points for the fallout of the garden scene because I’d scream the entire time.

[Zara]: “You will marry him!”

[Porter]: “I cannot.”

[Jace]: “you would rather duel my sister- No, you would rather die than marry me?”

I could cry thinking about Jace with those big sad eyes looking at Porter completely heartbroken and devastated 🤧

[floral-hex]

woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.

[riathedreamer]

With the Encanto fandom being sorta dead (at least compared to last year), fic readers should never underestimate the power of engagement

I’d literally abandoned “Shifting Constellations”, thinking people would rather read my other fics, but this week, three different people have independently asked for an update, and now I’m back at planning the next chapter after getting excited for my own fic again.

[mackmp3]

survived first day back at school only made an ass of myself once

[tenok]

.

[larsnicklas]

there’s something there though in my brain that again i can’t fully articulate right now bc i’m just sad about nicklas more than usual but the. uh. ghost isn’t quite right. and neither is hole, he hasn’t left a hole. maybe what i’m thinking and feeling is the concept of White Space in graphic design. the Absence that is its own presence; that brings into relief the elements around it. it’s like, all of this exists in relation to this space it’s surrounded by. does that make any sense at all. the team is there on the ice, in the room, on the plane, and he is not, and that in itself is how he is there

[curiosity-killed]

idk i feel like i will probably be sadder about this later but having the artistic director just hit everything that's been bad about this company in one conversation rlly does have me feeling like kind of totally okay with no longer being in the company

[builtlikeastickofcelery]

guess what

[icewindandboringhorror]

Daily Log 3

Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.

Activities: Not too much, stomach kind of upset today and my chest muscle aches/shoulders/etc. are still too irritated for like typing a lot or anything.. grr... At least it was less hot than yesterday, still not feeling great symptoms wise though.

Worked on painting the tapestry thing and getting more of the basic design down. Still don't have the Avirrekava text fully translated.

Recorded another sims episode for the let's play series on my games/side youtube channel because I just realized that I definitely won't be able to in the summer since it gets so hot in my apartment that my computer runs hotter too and I can't even play games lol, so I should get a few recordings out of the way as a backlog before it gets warm. I'm always so caught in the bliss of winter (favorite season, best season, ultimate season) that summer kind of sneaks up on me and I have a moment of realization like "OH gOds I only have like one month to get a bunch of things done that are way harder for me to do in the heat!!'' , and then scramble lol..

Wrote down a script for calling a few doctors.

Thought more about the religions and other cultural systems that exist in certain elven cities in the south, where the story I mentioned in the first Daily Log takes place. Drew the basic sketch of an outfit for one of their primary religious figures (kind of like priest robes?).

Put together a load of clothes but didn't actually wash them because by that point I didn't feel good, but at least I have them out for tomorrow lol.. hashtag ultimate productivity win

Notable sights: Found 19 four leaf clovers and 1 six leaf clover that's actually kind of a double clover? Like there's a clear spot on the stem where it's two 3 leaf clovers not entirely all the way merged. Saw 4 cats in windows, one cat actually outside roaming, and a rabbit in a tennis field. There was also a pile of rocks outside that was very nice, resisted the urge to pick one up and take it home for my rock collection. Watching a show about tudor monastery farms and there was a sheep on there that looked round and funny.

Goals moving forward: Same as yesterday basically lol.. especially post the poll adventure thing that has been sitting in a draft for weeks (I thought I would get it done today, but alas.. I don't even have to do much, just proofread and post it, I just keep having no energy/being preoccupied with other things/hurts to be on computer.. grrr.. I want to continue the story >:T.. for the second day in a row, nothing has changed lol..).

Notable foods: Not much of interest, but had salmon, my favorite fish. Also had a chia seed fruit snack sort of thing which was in a squeezy pouch, and I love anything in that sort of packaging so, very fun.

Really craving spicy udon, chicken wings for some reason (which I don't even like that much), and something like lasagna?? I'm probably vitamin deficient again from my weird diet and it's making me yearn for hearty savory foods.. evil... chronic anemia cravings lol..

[chatonnoir]

Oh I KNOW I'm not seeing people reblogging a lu/ka/nette stan's Adrien hate post on my dashboard because I really thought that in this the year 2022 people would not be calling themselves Adrien fans while still not understanding his core character traits and the naiveté and desire to see good in people that were the whole reason Marinette fell for him in the first fucking place?

I know I'm not seeing people who claim to love the umbrella scene/Origins proving they didn't even comprehend what the umbrella scene was showing us to begin with? That they somehow can't comprehend why Adrien would be inclined to wanting to forgive and assuming the best and wanting to see the good in bullies who definitely don't deserve it? Not to mention the fact that he literally doesn't know about the full extent of what said bullies have said/done because he's not fucking omniscient? I thought self-proclaimed Adrien lovers would understand why he would be inclined to give another character, who is new in class and clearly wants to make friends, the benefit of the doubt about her compulsive lying rather than choosing to humiliate her, because he himself was in that same position as the "new kid who wants friends but has no clue how to make friends and ends up upsetting people" once? And would acknowledge the fact that once said character's lies went too far he did put his foot down? And thus Not think him doing these things is BaD wRiTinG or a bad message from the writers, as if the writers are saying you should take whatever bullies do to you and only ever be nice and forgiving in return uwu, when its actually the writers literally just staying true to the core of this specific character who they established in the origin story to be naive and too trusting and unsure in social situations, rather than pandering and bending their character to the wants of some self-projecting fans?

I really thought that people who cry out for Gabriel to die and for Adrien to be free of his abuse would understand how said abuse and isolation he went through under aforementioned villain's roof inform the choices he makes and interactions he has with other characters? But apparently not?

Apparently I'm really seeing so-called Adrien lovers putting a lu/ka/nette stan's oh so funneee Adrien hating post on my dashboard with my own two eyes because y'all still don't understand this character and y'alls annoyance with abuse victims not easily acting the way you want them to overpowers any common sense that might've told you to perhaps not show support for a fucking hate post about a character and ship you claim to love

[corrodedcoughin]

you have chaotic gremlin energy, you’re a great storyteller and a mothman truther, you have eddie munson vibes, friend 💜

My friend, my heart, my very best friend as of right now you have truly made my day. And as you are the only person to have weighed in on this you therefore are the full authority and I will listen to anything you say.

If by Eddie you mean throwing a fit when plans change, desperate to be entertaining and absolutely ready to commit to the bit then you are RIGHT. Otherwise I do not have the pretty cow eyes, big fluffy hair or humour but I can dream!

[coredrill]

feliz jueves i was fucking right

[threecheersmaka]

Pretty sure I made my pharmacists think I’m a fucking junkie so that’s great 😐

[adore-gregor]

It's true sometimes others doubting you really is the best motivation :))

[gifti3]

remembered the asmo cockblock scene once again