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#somewhere closeby. Or at least this is what I have found as someone who has like 150+ special clovers collected
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Daily Log 3
Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.
Activities: Not too much, stomach kind of upset today and my chest muscle aches/shoulders/etc. are still too irritated for like typing a lot or anything.. grr... At least it was less hot than yesterday, still not feeling great symptoms wise though.
Worked on painting the tapestry thing and getting more of the basic design down. Still don't have the Avirrekava text fully translated.
Recorded another sims episode for the let's play series on my games/side youtube channel because I just realized that I definitely won't be able to in the summer since it gets so hot in my apartment that my computer runs hotter too and I can't even play games lol, so I should get a few recordings out of the way as a backlog before it gets warm. I'm always so caught in the bliss of winter (favorite season, best season, ultimate season) that summer kind of sneaks up on me and I have a moment of realization like "OH gOds I only have like one month to get a bunch of things done that are way harder for me to do in the heat!!'' , and then scramble lol..
Wrote down a script for calling a few doctors.
Thought more about the religions and other cultural systems that exist in certain elven cities in the south, where the story I mentioned in the first Daily Log takes place. Drew the basic sketch of an outfit for one of their primary religious figures (kind of like priest robes?).
Put together a load of clothes but didn't actually wash them because by that point I didn't feel good, but at least I have them out for tomorrow lol.. hashtag ultimate productivity win
Notable sights: Found 19 four leaf clovers and 1 six leaf clover that's actually kind of a double clover? Like there's a clear spot on the stem where it's two 3 leaf clovers not entirely all the way merged. Saw 4 cats in windows, one cat actually outside roaming, and a rabbit in a tennis field. There was also a pile of rocks outside that was very nice, resisted the urge to pick one up and take it home for my rock collection. Watching a show about tudor monastery farms and there was a sheep on there that looked round and funny.
Goals moving forward: Same as yesterday basically lol.. especially post the poll adventure thing that has been sitting in a draft for weeks (I thought I would get it done today, but alas.. I don't even have to do much, just proofread and post it, I just keep having no energy/being preoccupied with other things/hurts to be on computer.. grrr.. I want to continue the story >:T.. for the second day in a row, nothing has changed lol..).
Notable foods: Not much of interest, but had salmon, my favorite fish. Also had a chia seed fruit snack sort of thing which was in a squeezy pouch, and I love anything in that sort of packaging so, very fun.
Really craving spicy udon, chicken wings for some reason (which I don't even like that much), and something like lasagna?? I'm probably vitamin deficient again from my weird diet and it's making me yearn for hearty savory foods.. evil... chronic anemia cravings lol..
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Diabolik Lovers DARK FATE ー Shuu Maniac [08]
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ー The scene starts in the living room
Shuu: ーー Did a burglar break into this place or something?
Yui: ( T-The house’s a mess...There’s scratches all over the walls and furniture. )
Shuu: Haah...I guess that fool’s behind this.
Yui: ( Gosh, Ririe...We only stepped out for a biーー )
*SHATTER*
Yui: ...! Now it’s coming from the other room...!
ー Yui runs towards the noise
Shuu: ...Thank god this is someone else’s place. (1)
ー The scene shifts to the dining room
Yui: Aah...The glass shattered in a million pieces...
( My sincere apologies to the Mukami’s... )
*Meooow*
Yui: Ririe! I’m glad to see you so full of energy, but I told you to behave inside the house, remember?
ー Shuu walks up to them
Shuu: A cat wouldn’t understand that, right?
Yui: But we have to properly discipline him. Please tell him as well, Shuu-san.
Shuu: I don’t really care as long as he doesn’t get in my way.
ー He leaves again
Yui: ( He just lets anything slide... (2) )
*Meooow*
Yui: Listen up Ririe? You can’t sharpen your nails on the walls. We bought you a scratch post, remember?
*Meooow*
Yui: Geez, do you actually understand...?
ー Shuu returns
Yui: Oh, Shuu-san? What’s wrong?
Shuu: ...Hand him over.
Yui: Eh?
Shuu: He knocked over my CDs and left scratches all over the surface.
Yui: ( He committed the biggest crime! )
Shuu: Hand me the cat. I’m throwing him out before he ruins anything else.
Yui: W-Wait, Shuu-san! Please calm down!
Shuu: You were upset too, no? If he won’t learn, we have no other choice but to kick him out.
Yui: We can’t! Abandoning your own family should never be done!
Shuu: ‘Family’ you say, but it’s just a cat, no?
Yui: Once you accept someone as family, you can’t kick them out. If we do thatーー
Selection
→ He’ll be all alone (♡)
Yui: The poor guy...will end up all alone, you know.
Shuu: He has been this whole time. Why worry about it now?
Yui: I think it will be difficult for him to live on his own...Now that he knows the warmth of a home.
Shuu: ...
→ He won’t be able to survive
Yui: I’m sure this little guy wouldn’t survive...!
Shuu: I think you’re being a little too naive, assuming he can’t survive on his own.
If anything, wouldn’t he be better off that way?
If we go too easy on him...We’ll only end up raising a spoiled brat.
*Thud*
Yui: Ah...! Where are you going, Ririe!?
Shuu: Guess he decided to leave by himself? Saves us the trouble of kicking him out.
*Hiiiiiss*
Yui: ...?
( He’s hissing while looking outside? There’s nobody there though... )
Ririe, what’s wrong?
Shuu: Maybe there’s an invisible something there? Cats can see that sorta stuff, can’t they?
Yui: N-No way...
*Hiiiiiss*
Shuu: ...
...Oi, we’re leaving.
Yui: Eh?
Shuu: Just come!
*Rustle*
Yui: Shuu-san!?
( What has gotten into him all of a sudden...!? ...Right, Ririe! )
Ririe! Come here!
*Meooow*
ー They run towards the hallway
Yui: Shuu-san...! What has gotten into you all of a sudden...!?
Shuu: The Wolves are here.
Yui: Eh...!?
Shuu: I’m sure that guy reacted because they’re closeby. Seems like his instincts still work.
Yui: ...Are these the same ones that attacked Ayato-kun?
Shuu: Most likely.
First Bloods...It’s those Founders.
I thought they had finally given up, but they’re quite the persistent bunch.
Now that they’ve found us, we can no longer stay here. We’re going back to the Demon World.
Since Vampires were living in this manor, there should be a portal to the Demon World somewhere closeby.
Yui: ( I didn’t think those Wolves would appear again... )
*HOOOOOOWL*
Yui: ...! A wolf’s howling...!
Shuu: Oi, get running already! Let’s check the basement for now!
Yui: Y-Yes...!
ー The scene shifts to the underground passage
Shuu: ...Fuck.
Yui: ( The wall has collapsed...We can’t go any further...! )
Shuu: Che...I guess they planned this attack well.
*HOOOOOOWL*
Shuu: In that case, we’re heading towards our manor. We’ll use the underground passage there!
Don’t let go of my hand at all costs. Follow me as if your life depends on it, understood!?
Monologue
The howling wolves echo in the distance. 
Memories of when Ayato-kun and I were attacked inside the car,
flooding back inside my head.
In an attempt to distract myself from the fear creeping up on me,
I desperately chased after Shuu-san’s back.
Noticing this, he tightly squeezed my hand in return.
That pressure gave me a momentarily sense of relief (安堵).
At the very least, I wanted to prevent scaring Ririe who I held in my arms.
I felt as if I had to protect (守れなければ) this little one,
just like Shuu-san was protecting me.
ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー
Translation notes
(1) The idiom in Japanese is 不幸中の幸い or ‘fukō-chū no saiwai’ which literally means ‘a blessing amidst misfortune/disaster.’
(2) Someone who follows a 放任主義 or ‘hōnin-shugi’ generally does not interfere with other people’s behaviors and just lets them do as they please, unless they are personally affected by it.
→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!
<- [ Maniac 07 ] [ Maniac 09 ] ->
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The Dutchess’ Garden - Part 2
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Series Masterlist - Chris Evans Masterlist - Full Masterlist
Pairing: Chris Evans x OC Emma Meijers
Warnings: Strong language, age difference, smut but not really smut
Word count: 2472
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‘Just so you know,‘ she smiles shyly, ‘you’re always welcome here. Would be a shame to refuse someone living this closeby.‘ She runs back inside and he watches her. When the door closes he checks the piece of paper he got. It’s a flyer with the opening times of The Dutchess’ Garden, as well as a form to sign up to be a member.
This morning had been better than yesterday. It had treated Emma gentler than the night before. She felt like she could actually get something done today. Today, she found herself actually enjoying the cold shower after her run. It was almost like she needed it. She had felt hot since yesterday around ten pm and she knew exactly why.  Normally, she prided herself for acting so normal around all these people who were “more special” than she was, but he- well, he... She didn’t actually know what to think about him. He had felt like an old friend from the minute he walked in. Not once did he get offended at her jokes and he actually went along with some, even if she thought she was taking it too far.  In a moment of weakness, she had sat down next to him after closing and felt her heartbeat rise when he put his arm behind her. He probably didn’t even notice he was doing it, but she noticed.
Dressed for the day, she sits down with her laptop at one of the tables in The Dutchess to get some work done. She normally sits outside whenever she can, but the weather had decided to take a turn and become a bit gloomy. It’s so much different from yesterday. She’s lucky she doesn’t have to get anything today. She stocked yesterday, so she should be fine for tonight. Around lunchtime, she grabs a bowl of yoghurt with some cereal before the chef walks in to prepare the simple meals and bites. Emma greets him with a smile, but doesn’t talk to him for too long. She’s got plenty to do. Just when the clock tells her it’s 2 pm, there’s a knock on the locked door. She yells that they’re closed, but they knock again. She sighs and head for the door to check if she’s offended someone’s bloated ego. Through the stained glass door, she can’t really see who it is so she unlocks the door. ‘Oh, hi,‘ she speaks with a soft smile when she’s met with Chris Evans. She has to do a double take for a second. He looks so casual and apparently he’s walking his dog. He has a dog? She must’ve missed that in her research. ‘Hi, I just came to give you this,‘ he says and hands her the flyer she gave him yesterday. She takes it from him and has a quick look through it. ‘That’s great, come in, I’ll sign you up right now,‘ she says, ushering him to come through the door, but he takes a second. Hesitating because 1; he didn’t know if Dodger could come in with him. And 2; he had to take in how she looked for a second. With the weather being a little chillier than yesterday, she had opted for flared jeans and a jean blouse over a navy tank top with lace detailing the sweetheart neckline. Her hair is done half up half down and she’s wearing cold-rimmed glasses. He likes how she looks. It’s much more casual then yesterday. ‘Are dogs allowed,‘ he asks. ‘Of course, bring him anytime,‘ she gleams and walks ahead of him to the table she was working at, ‘grab a chair. Can I get you something? Do you want some water for the dog?‘ ‘We’ll be fine, we’ll head back home after this,‘ he smiles and sits down. He looks at the dog and softly tells it to lie down. ‘Okay, let me just run through it quickly,‘ she says and takes a quick sip from her coffee, forgetting she just poured it. With a sour face, she puts it down. She burned her tongue. ‘You good?‘ ‘Yes, hot coffee.‘ She scans the form and puts the data into her client base. ‘Okay, that’s set. So, like I explained yesterday, you can invite 2 people at a time, but never invite them before you’ve called to make a reservation if you bring someone who’s not a member.‘ ‘Why is that?‘ ‘Like other bars, we also have a blacklist. People who we do not trust, people who have talked about other hidden bars on national television, people who are rowdy,‘ she explains, ‘this place is exclusive to celebrities, but there is an exception to partners, mits they sign an agreement to keep their mouths shut about this place if the relationship turns bad.‘ He chuckles: ‘You won’t have to worry about me on that rule. I’m known for being single. Couldn’t keep a relationship if I tried.‘ She chuckles along. ‘I’m sure that’s not true,‘ she smiles, ‘you seem like someone who looks for something real rather than short and easy. That’s fine. I’m the same.‘ Is he chocking?  “Chocking on air? Really Chris? Are you really going to start chocking on air when she tells you something personal?”  He thinks to himself. Dodger looks up at Chris to check if he’s okay. Before he can ask for anything, Emma hands him a glass of water. He was so busy beating himself up because he was chocking on air that he did not see her get up and get him water. ‘Come on, it’s not that shocking,‘ she laughs, ‘do I really come off as the fuck-and-go kinda type?‘ She keeps joking while he catches his breath. Keeps smiling like it isn’t awkward and it probably isn’t to her. But Chris wants to shrink into his clothes and disappear. ‘I’m sorry,‘ he coughs. ‘That’s okay,‘ she smiles, ‘at least you didn’t throw up.‘ The comment takes him by surprise and he starts laughing so hard he fears he might throw up. His stomach starts hurting and his cheeks feel sore. ‘Wow, I didn’t know I was that funny.‘
It takes him a minute, but he gets back to normal. Meanwhile, Dodger has taken a liking to Emma, following her around the bar. Because where she goes, there are food scraps. Chris watches her walk around and tell Dodger to wait when she goes into the kitchen. To his surprise, he actually listens to her. She comes back out with a small bowl of leftover meats. ‘Do you mind?‘ She looks at Chris and shows him what she’s holding so he can check if it’s safe for Dodger. ‘No, go ahead. He deserves a treat,‘ Chris tells her. Emma nods and leads the dog in front of the bar, tells it to wait once again, and puts down the food while he’s still waiting. ‘All yours buddy,‘ she says and Dodger starts devouring the meat. She grins and sits back down with Chris. ‘Now where were we?‘ ‘I was chocking.‘ ‘Ah yes,‘ she tries to suppress an amused smile, ‘so partners are allowed. Dogs are allowed as well as long as they behave. This is a place of peace and quiet.‘ ‘Ah, Dodger’ll be alright then.‘ ‘He seems like a good boy, yes,‘ shes says in an almost analytical tone. It makes Chris chuckle. He has never seen anyone call a dog a good boy in such a cold and serious tone. ‘Any other things I have to keep in mind?‘ ‘Yes,‘ she smiles, ‘we have a great variety of drinks and liquors, but if you want something specific, please call ahead so we can get it for you. Oh, and we don’t do parties unless it’s an all members party, but we organize those ourselves. You’ll get a call when we have one. And one last thing, The Dutchess’ is civilized and so are her guests. So I don’t care if you have beef with anyone, you don’t when you’re here.‘ ‘Did you have many fights here?‘ Chris looks at Emma, curiosity dripping from his look. ‘Yes, but I can’t tell you who were the offenders,‘ she leans back in her chair with a smug look, ‘secrecy of The Dutchess and all that.‘ ‘Of course.‘ ‘Okay,‘ she starts typing something and then looks up at him with a smile, ‘all done. Welcome to The Dutchess. Normally, we’d give you a bottle of champagne to celebrate, but I didn’t know you’d come around.‘ ‘That’s okay, not a great fan of champagne anyway,‘ he says and stands up. They walk to the door together to say their goodbyes for the day. Chris steps outside and hesitates for a second. He turns back to Emma with a smile. ‘And since we’re nearly neighbors, let me know if you need anything.‘ She smiles at his offer, but feels a bit nervous. ‘Thank you,‘ she says, knowing she’ll never make use of that offer. It would be wildly inappropriate for someone in her position. She’d like to, but she won’t. Her father always told her she shouldn’t fall for these people. They’re actors for a reason.
And then Sunday morning rolls around.
‘Good morning ma’am, we’re here for the boiler.‘ Emma stands flabbergasted, sweating, trying to catch her breath after her morning run. ‘You’re kidding? You were supposed to be here Monday,‘ she says, trying to sound strong but her red face really isn’t helping. ‘We had some things moved around. We have time now or next week,‘ the man says with a strange grin. He knows she has to shower and it looks like he’s taking pleasure out of making things difficult for her. ‘Shit, fine,‘ she sighs, ‘around the back.‘ She shows them to the stairs at the back of the house that lead to her own floor of the house. When she shows them the boiler, the verdict is made quite quickly. ‘Ma’am, your boiler is expired,‘ the man says, ‘if you keep using it and it breaks more, your insurance won’t pay.‘ She rubs her fingers against her forehead, feeling a headache coming up. ‘So what’s next?‘ ‘We order you a new boiler. It��ll probably arrive somewhere late this week and we install it next Monday,‘ he explains. ‘So I have to go a week without warm water?‘ The grin on the man’s face widens. He’s enjoying this and she knows it. ‘You’ll be fine ma’am. I’m sure you have someone who’ll let you borrow their shower for a week.‘ He writes out a sheet of paper that explains the next appointment and the expected cost. Emma quickly scans it and sigh again. ‘Fine, I’ll see you next Monday then.‘ ‘Ma’am,‘ he says and nods his head as he leaves. Emma shuts the door and lets her back fall against it. A series of whines leaves her mouth while she punches and kicks the air like a little child. Why now? Why? This is terrible. With a lump in her throat, she picks up her phone and calls the person who told her she could call for anything. “Chris speaking.“ ‘Hi, Chris, this is Emma,‘ she says a bit nervously. “Oh Emma, how are you doing?“ ‘I’m quite alright, but I have a bit of a favor to ask.‘ “Ask away.“ He seems way too cheerful for this. Why is he so damn nice? ‘Listen, I feel terrible for asking and making use of you right away, but my boiler is broken and I don’t know if I can take a full week of cold showers. So could I maybe-‘ “Shower at my place,“ he hesitates, “yeah, for sure. When do you need it?“ ‘Actually-‘ “I’m at home, just take your shower stuff with you.“ ‘Okay, thank you so much, you’re the best.‘ “No problem. I’ll see you in a minute.“ ‘See you.‘ 
And so it goes. Emma walks down to Chris’ with a backpack that holds her clothes and her shower supplies. She feels like there’s led in her shoes. She doesn’t want to overstep boundaries, but she has to. Sure, showering with cold water isn’t the end of the world and she’s sure plenty of people do it just because they can but she can’t stand the cold. Not like that and certainly not after a run. When she reaches the house, she wants to just turn around. Pretend like the water at her place is warm. At the same time, she really wants to see Chris. He’s such a bundle of joy and she’s enjoyed every second she’s spend with him so far. She feels like she’s walking the edge of friendship very closely, but she doesn’t want to step in. Though she feels like that, her mind is way further. Her mind has imagined him naked in her bed, taking up almost the whole queen-sized bed she has. Her mind has imagined her laying on his chest with her leg draped over his body and her hand gently on his chest tracing the tattoos she knows he has. Her mind still gone, she presses the doorbell. Dodger’s barks pull her out of it before the door can swing open. Lucky her. ‘Hey Emma,‘ Chris says like he’s greeting an old friend. “Oh no,“ Emma thinks, “have I already gone too far?“ ‘Hi, thanks so much for letting me use your shower,‘ she says with a smile. ‘No worries, please, come inside,‘ he says and steps away from the doorway so she can pass. While she does, Dodger starts running circles around her hoping she brought more treats. ‘I hope it’s not too much trouble,‘ she frowns, ‘the boiler man just showed up out of nowhere and told me he has to shut off my boiler.‘ ‘It’s no trouble at all,‘ he smiles, ‘I’ll be home for a while anyway.‘ ‘You finished filming,‘ she asks. ‘Yeah, last Friday.‘ He looks her up and down. ‘You run?‘ ‘I do. I try to run every morning,‘ she tells him. ‘Me too,‘ he says excitedly, ‘how about we take runs together this week? You can shower after and just head home.‘ Emma is taken by surprise by this offer. Morning runs with Chris Evans? Yes please. ‘Oh, that’d be great,‘ she grins, ‘you better keep up with me though.‘ ‘You’re half my size, I should tell you that,‘ he teases, ‘but I’m glad you said yes. I don’t know the forest very well and I figured you might know it better.‘ ‘I do. Know it like the back of my hand.‘  ‘Good, good.‘ A pause falls in their conversation and they just stare at each other. Admire the other with loving eyes. There’s nothing awkward about it, until Emma starts thinking. She just crossed the line. ‘So, shower,‘ she asks. ‘Yes, of course,‘ Chris replies and walks her to the bathroom, ‘I’m sorry, I was out of it for a second.‘ ‘Not having second thoughts, are you?‘ She smiles brightly, playfully punching his shoulder. He smiles back at her. ‘No, just admiring you,‘ he says casually. Emma’s eyes widen, she feels a pit of butterflies in her stomach, and her face turns bright red. Lucky for her, Chris is not looking at her. ‘I’m stunning, I know,‘ she jokes, flipping her hair to play it off. ‘You are though.‘
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littlepenguin21 · 3 years
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My notes/complaints/hope? on the end of SPN
(This was written the night of November 19th) My list of grievances against the last episode of Supernatural 1. There is absolutely no way on Jack's green earth Sam didn't look for Dean. When Sam got a dog and didn't look for him, Dean was so angry and sad that I refuse to believe Sam wouldn't at least try to bring him back, especially since Sam had no way of knowing a)where Dean went (Dean was even a little surprised to see he was in Heaven), b)about Heaven's reform, or c)whether that was what Dean truly wanted (he's lied before, remember?) It almost makes Sam look like a bad guy who just doesn't care about his brother as much his brother cares about him. I will acknowledge Dean's final wish was to not be brought back, but I still think Sam would've like investigated the afterlives to see where Dean ended up.
2. Cas's sacrifice was completely meaningless. Cas was always happy to bleed for the Winchesters, but his final time hit the hardest because he wanted Dean to lived so much that he admitted to happiness and caused his own death to save Dean. And then Dean dies. Like three weeks later.
3. Dean, the greatest hunter in the world, the man who killed Hitler gets impaled on a piece of metal and thinks, "yeah, this is how I wanna go out." There's no way that that's an outcome that Dean would've accepted so easily. Being killed in a vampire's nest that they already half wiped out. He could've prayed to Jack, or taken his chances getting to a hospital. His death had no purpose, other than to forced Sam to move on without Dean.
4. Why didn't Jack bring Dean back? I get that he wants to be hands-off, but he brought Cas back, and if I know anything about Cas, he wouldn't want Dean dead/separated from Sam. I'm going to choose to believe that Cas, Jack, and Dean sat down together and discussed the pros and cons of bringing Dean back.
5. The dog died. We didn't see it happen, but it did.
6. Only Bobby is seen. If they're in Heaven, and almost everyone (I see you Kevin, living your best afterlife) Dean knew and loved is there, why doesn't he go see them? All the people he couldn't save or that he couldn't say goodbye to, and he just leaves it at that? What about Ellen and Jo, Dean? You're not even going to check on them? Pamela? Jess? No one?
7. Dean rides alone in the car. Even though his best friend, his son (Jack, not Ben or someone), his mom, his other friends, and both his dads are in Heaven (and closeby), why doesn't he take any of them along for the ride? Sam gets to raise a family, but Dean can't have a road trip buddy? Even if the Covid restrictions and stuff didn't allow Misha or Alex or another guest to come back on set, you'd think they could've put a body double for Cas (or whoever) in the seat for a couple of minutes. It just makes Dean's life seem less important than Sam's because Dean has to wait for Sammy, while Sam's free to hang out with others and socialize. Even if time works differently in Heaven or something (like 40 years on earth was only 2 minutes in Heaven), Dean could've found somebody to tag along instead of just being a loner.
8. Sam's wife isn't established to be Eileen. If Sam had like signed to her in ASL or something, or we could've had some clue as to her identity, that would have been wonderful. Instead, she was just a nameless means to an end (getting Dean II).
9. The beginning of the ep establishes that there are very few monster cases. So, does that mean Sam gave up hunting? Apparently not because his son has an anti-possession sigil tattooed on his arm (even though with Rowena in charge, those tattoos are super unnecessary). Sam hunting could've been another moment that would've been okay to see.
10. The ep had a noticeable lack of inside jokes. Normally tuning into a series finale means you're going to hear callbacks to other episodes and be able to reminisce on the past. Besides the pie part, I don't think there was much of that. No jerk, no bitch. Did Bobby even say Idjit?!?!
11. For an episode that supposedly was written to resolve their family arc, the boys were barely together, and their created family was almost nonexistent (other than Bobby and his mentioning of Cas and Jack).
12. The show forced family to end with blood. Dean drove off to wait for his biological brother, while leaving Bobby (and apparently Cas) behind. Sam, on the other hand, marries, has a kid, and lives a full life, but too doesn't have his family network outside of his nuclear family. There are many living friends that Sam has that we don't see him visit because all the time is spent on his raising of his son so that his death can parallel Dean's (someone the care about tells them it's ok).
13. Jared doesn't really look old.
14. During his death, Dean wouldn’t have wanted to Sam to be left alone. They were in a vamp’s nest, and Dean just decides that he’s gonna allow himself to die with no guarantee that Sammy is safe. There’s no way Dean would do this.
15. Gay love didn't pierce through the veil of death and save the day. Instead, Dean died and we all got was a lousy existential crisis. DISCLAIMER: I'm only writing about what happened in the ep, not what could have happened. Like, Sam could've had dinner with Jody and the girls every weekend and Dean could've made out with Cas offscreen, and I would be non the wiser. I'm going off of what I saw and heard in the episode. This was written on the 20th 15. Dean died young.
16. The forehead thing was a little weird, ngl
17. Sam didn’t even try to pray when Dean was dying. Did he believe that Jack just wouldn’t listen? His dad was dying, there’s no way he would’ve left him to die. And Sam would’ve tried anything. Why did he think their (Cas, Dean, and Sam’s) son wouldn’t want to help?
18. Sam burned Dean’s body by himself. No friends.
19. Chuck got to live his life, while Dean didn’t.
Pros, I guess? 1. Sam does get a dog.
2. Dean really wasn't okay. He wasn’t coping well with Cas’s death and Jack’s leaving. That’s the only explanation for why he’d be willing to die. He was depressed, or at least hopeless.
3. They're all together at the end, even thought it isn't shown. And by all, I mean all: Jack, Cas, Bobby, Rufus, hopefully Ellen and Jo...
4. Dean likes Kansas
5. Dean finally got a kid named after him.
6. The Hunter Corp. Sam and Dean are somewhere, living their best lives.
7. The movie is possibly happening in 5 years
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thedazedyouth · 6 years
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It’s You Who Hung The Moon
An Alfreyco series that I may or may not actually finish. Updates will be slow. I don’t know how many chapters it’ll be, but at least 4-5. 
Summary: Alfredo’s introduction to the Fakes is through a failed assassination plot.                    
              Make All The Sound You Want
There’s a particular haze that has weaved its way into the very concrete that forms the rough streets, to the glass that stands overwatching the insignificant ants scuttling about. The entrancing lights of the repeating buildings pull the needy, lonely and lavish into a state of constant daydream; a place where nothing means anything and a footstep is consequential.
Life has a twisted meaning within the borders of Los Santos. The sun beams down upon the city yet it is shrouded in sentient shadows and no named people. The very scent of the city can twist innocent minds into lethal beasts, snarling and laughing.
Crime is rampant, while the bystanders prefer to turn a blind eye to save their own skins.
How does that make them better?
Blood has leaked down from the heavens and stains the sidewalks, the encompassing mountains and every grain of sand that sits just before the lapping waves; and it is ignored.
Questioning the fabric of Los Santos’ reality will only lead to the unravelling of a city built upon graves and refusal to acknowledge unspeakable crimes that should remain as silent sin. Only whispers of the act the Gods above have witnessed make it further than closed doors and bribed corruption.
Amorality overtook as the trend of the century, and apathy snaked in closeby; together the pair destroyed a generation with hopes and faith and turned them into nightmares and unrecognizable reflections.
To the ones with fresh blood, that has yet to find its way onto a back alley in the dead of night, Los Santos is a miracle. A place to start again and wash away the regrets and mistakes that slyly follow you. It’s somewhere to settle down, start a family and live the life destined for the normal.
No one smiles at the passing sign that says “WELCOME TO LOS SANTOS” and thinks they’ll end up running past faded posters plastered against brick walls down a trashed and forgotten street. No one would believe the blood pooling from their side, their hand being steady as they pushed against the wound and their other kept a tight grip on their silver handgun. No one would imagine that the man keeping them stable and upright would be someone they planned to assassinate the night previous.
But Alfredo Diaz has never had a normal life.
                                      Thrills Don’t Come For Free
It wasn’t a bad thing that Trevor had finally gotten comfortable around the crew. He wasn’t so tense that you could visibly see him hold his whole body at a nervous angle, and he wasn’t a ton of bricks when anyone hugged him; in fact now he’d completely melt into it after being touch starved for so long. There were no complaints from about area.
When Trevor was an awkward newbie, he was punctual. He showed up to every heist a hour ahead of time, just in case, and he was always in Geoff’s office to discuss plans before Geoff even got there. Trevor liked things to be tight. He’d rather kill a target straight away rather than toy with them; unlike the other Fakes, who need some kind of release and being sadistic seem to work.
He slowly loosened those restraints as he picked up things from the Fakes; little habits they had that went mostly unnoticed. He found that it was more fun to draw things out, fuck with a victim a little before their doom.
Sadly, one of those restraints he let go was his perfectionism, in a sense.
The Fakes first noticed a pattern starting about six months into his appointment as the new leader. They were robbing a jewelry store; Geoff realized his and Jack’s anniversary was approaching and although she said no gifts, he couldn’t help himself. It wouldn’t be a surprise but she could get anything she wanted.
It was almost time for the heist to begin and Trevor was nowhere to be found. They were a few members down; Ryan and Gavin were negotiating with another crew for territory, so they needed the extra pair of hands.
Jeremy was furiously texting and calling Trevor’s phone only to be left on voicemail and a petty read.
Geoff was grumbling as they waited in Jack’s car, something about the respect in this crew and how he should whip them into shape, literally.
Ten minutes later, there was a sharp series of knocks on the drivers window. Trevor was standing there, black sunglasses with the price tag still hanging off and an iced coffee in hand, the ice cubes almost completely melted.
Jack rolled down her window. “What the absolute fuck, Trevor.” Total and utter exhaustion was distinct in her voice, with a pinch of tired annoyance. “Where the hell have you been?”
Trevor took a long, exaggerated sip from his drink “Uh, I reckon that’s pretty obvious,” he said calmly.
Jack pinched her brow and sighed deeply. Mentally, she was trying to find the words to chew him out but the lack of surprise took away from the anger. So instead she threw up her hands in defeat. “Fuck it, then. Let’s fucking go.”
Trevor stood back to let Jack jump out of the car, Geoff, Jeremy, and Michael followed suit. Michael was trying to stifle his laughter as Trevor took another thirty seconds to walk a few meters to throw out his coffee into a dumpster.
When he joined the crew again, Jack gestured towards the store they were across the street from.
“Ready?” she asked.
Trevor fixed his sunglasses, and nodded.
The Lads and Trevor were beaming in amusement as the crew made their way towards the jewellery store, Geoff was regretting every choice that lead him to that point while Jack was planning her retirement.
The heist went as well as the majority of their heists; barely escaping and leaving a trail of fire and explosions behind them. They quickly made it back to the car, Jack was quite content in the passenger's seat. A simple, shining set of gold and silver bracelets dangled together as she reached over and wiped away some ash from Geoff’s face.
The couple gazed lovingly at each other, only for a few moments but long enough to discomfort the trio in the backseat.
“Can we go now? The cops are gonna be on us soon,” noted Trevor, looking anywhere except in front of him. His new sunglasses were sitting askew on his face, if he noticed he didn’t bother to fix them.  
Jack broke the stare to snap back at Trev. “You don’t get to say anything, not after that shit you pulled today.” She turned to Geoff again. “Let’s go, babe,” she said sweetly.
Jeremy and Michael snickered on either side of Trevor, who was too afraid of Jack to say anything to shut them up.
                                               Catch Fire With Me
Alfredo walked calmly down the passageway, the two guards either side of him were starting to blend into the shadows and he couldn’t tell if it was real or just the dark lighting. The fact he would have believed the former was telling to how he’d been in the city for too long.
Five years ago, Alfredo would have pictured himself dead in a ditch if you asked him; but here he is now. He was entering the business of one of the most powerful and dangerous men in the city. An offer was sent out to Fredo, it wasn’t stated but he knew what would happen if he deemed himself too good to show up.
So there he was, walking into a meeting he didn’t know what about and his best gun was in the hands of some brute next to him, it was mentioned in the request that he should bring it.. Not exactly how he pictured his Thursday morning but better than doing nothing, he supposed.
The hallway was quickly ending, and a simple white door was waiting at the end. Stood before it was another two guards, their suits were the same as the ones beside Alfredo; but these ones were obvious. They didn’t blend in, didn’t disappear, these ones were meant to be seen, to put fear in him.
The one to the left only moved his arm to reach over and open the door. The guards beside him kept moving, slightly pushing Alfredo forward when he hesitated for a moment, with his own gun too. The fact that he knew nothing about this meeting unsettled him, it wasn’t how he usually handled business deals.
The room they entered was extended, it was clearly designed for office meetings. There was a wall of windows overlooking the streets but they were covered by velvet curtains. There were a series of chandeliers hanging over a long, maple table; a man sat at the very other end, hands clasped together and a suit similar to the ones his guards wore.
“Good morning, Mr Diaz.” His voice was smooth, but it boomed throughout the room. “Take a seat.” The man gestured to the seat directly to his right.
Alfredo held his best poker face as he walked, unguarded, to the other side of the room. He pulled out a chair and slowly sat down. He kept the guards in his peripheral visions but made eye contact with the man next to him.
“My name is Caden Sparks. You must be wondering why I called you here today. I have a proposition for you that I hope you’d be interested in.”  
Alfredo remained silent, allowing the man, Sparks, to explain further. Sparks stood up, he paced to the large curtains and pulled one open. The bright sun was sharp in Fredo’s eyes, but after he adjusted to the light he could see Sparks standing, almost watching the city with curiosity.
“I assume by now you’ve heard of the Fake AH Crew,” Sparks continued, still not facing him.. “Over the years that crew has grown more powerful, faster than anyone I’ve seen before. I’ve encountered them more times than I’d want but every time, they’ve proven that they’re nothing more than a bunch of arrogant children who are drunk on their power. It’s no secret that the famous Kingpin was the one who built the crew up from nothing, he’s always been in control, of his crew and the city. But something no one realized, is over the years Ramsey has given up the reins. He’s old, too old to be holding so much power. There was a change in the Fakes’ operations, a subtle change but a definite one. Not just once, though. The title of boss was passed over again. At first, I had no idea how to find this new, mysterious leader. But after searching for months, I found him.”
Sparks stopped, leaving the room in a tense silence. Alfredo processed what he was just told and realized what his job was going to be.
“And you want me to kill him,” Alfredo said.
“Exactly. Y’know, you’re just as smart as they say you are.” Sparks turned around again to face Alfredo, he was grinning. “Now Mr Diaz, I hope you understand how important this is. A simple bullet, that I will supply, will alter the course of this city and it’ll all be because of you.”
“What if I refuse?” Alfredo raised. It was a half-assed threat that he wasn’t stupid enough to mean but needed to know the risks of this job.
Sparks ignored his comment, he slowly paced towards Alfredo. His hand slipping into his pants pocket, Fredo’s body tensing as he prepared to run. Instead of pulling out a gun, it was a small item that flashed in the sunlight. Sparks leaned onto the table next to Alfredo.
“This bullet.” He held the small metal object between two fingers up to Alfredo’s face. “That gun.” He pointed to the guard holding Alfredo’s sniper rifle. “You’ve got a week and if you miss, if you fail for any reason, I’ll cut off your limbs and throw you off the pier.”
Alfredo took the bullet from Sparks’ hand. “Good thing I’m the best shot in town.” He smiled back at him, the threat meaning nothing to him, nothing could scare him. “Do I at least get a name for this guy? Or will you set it up for me?”
“Trying to make me do your dirty work, Diaz? I appreciate the snark,” Sparks said. “You’ll track him yourself, though. His name’s Trevor Collins. Make a display out of his body, I want everyone to see it.”
                                                 Curse My Eyes
The penthouse was often filled with a bunch of lazy bodies, laying around together without directly interacting. When there wasn’t a heist being planned and there was no other crew to talk with, most of the Fakes spent their time either working out some repressed anger or being normal adult men; playing video games.
Gavin had gone on a spree after he and Ryan came back from their negotiation and the crew was only just getting around to the pile stack next to the flat screen in the lounge. The Lads plus Jack and Ryan each sat around the TV, yelling at each other and laughing.
Trevor and Geoff had managed to discreetly slip away as the others were preoccupied. Geoff made sure to lock his office door behind them; they had been holed up in there for days, keeping any stray eyes away. Even after Trevor took over control, Geoff kept it his space. Trevor claimed he did better work surrounded by chaos rather than blocked away from it.  
Geoff sat behind the desk, Trevor had taken to pacing back and forth. Geoff tsked, shaking his head at the boy.
“Sit down, dumbass. Let’s figure this out,” he said.
Trevor sat down quickly, still feeling like it was a demand despite his own position of power. He leant his arms on his knees, his hands fiddling together as his brain pieced together the information they had received.
“We needed that land, Geoff. We’ve already promised the Vultures downtown that they can use it for their operations.” Trevor sped through what he’d already said a hundred times. “Tell me again exactly what Ryan said happened.”
Geoff sighed. “The negotiation went perfectly, Gavin was his usual amazing self; we got everything we wanted and a little more. But two days ago they contacted Gavin and called the whole thing off. They didn’t give a reason,” he explained. He stayed quiet to let Trevor think things through.
“Are you sure there’s no one else that can get use those weapons?” Trevor asked.
Geoff nodded. “You know there isn’t”
“Without that land, the Vultures aren’t going to give us their supplies and there goes a couple dozen deals and close to a million bucks.” Trevor covered his face with his hands and groaned into them.
“Bet you’re regretting taking over now, huh?”
Trevor ignored Geoff’s joke, a resemblance of a plan had popped into his head. “Okay, set up another meeting. Gavin takes Michael and Jeremy, I want them apart of the talk. I want them manic and intense, whatever they can to make Gav seem like the sane one. No one leaves the room until we get what we want, Ryan and Jack will go as backup to make sure of that. You and I will go to the Vultures. As far as they’re aware, we’re moving ahead with the deal and pray Gavin gets it before we have to fight for it.”
Geoff stood up, Trev following suit, and nodded in approval. “When?”
“Tonight.”
“Alright, I’ll let the children and Jack know the plans.”
Geoff left the office, Trevor stayed behind to peer out the windows. The city was blinding, the noise was thankfully dulled by the time it reached him that high.
Finally, with a plan in motion, the last few days caught up on him and the sudden withdrawal hit him. He hadn’t gotten the chance to leave the penthouse, meaning it had been too long since he’d had a proper coffee; not one made hours ago and left in the percolator on the kitchen bench.
Trevor checked his reflection in the window, and noticed the bags already starting to form under his eyes. He ran a hand through his hair and headed out. He past through the lounge, assuming everyone had been filled in and continued for the front door.
“Treyco, where you going? We’ve got shit to do,” Gavin called from the lounge floor.
Trevor was steadily losing steam and couldn’t find the energy to turn around as he responded.  “I’m heading out, I need s’more caffeine.”
                                      Words, Wars and Symphonies
It was too easy to find him, Alfredo was looking for more of a challenge from this guy. But after finding a picture of him and running to through the city’s street cameras, Alfredo found his target visiting the same run down hole-in-the-wall cafe multiple times a day, the record was fifteen if he counted the late night runs.
Alfredo surveyed the area, and found an abandoned apartment block just down the street. A third story room offered the best position, so he took up shack there. It had taken only three days for Alfredo to be ready to complete the job, but then his target disappeared.
When Alfredo was first observing the store, he caught a glimpse of the target trailing closer and he considered doing it right there but decided against it. Too many witnesses to deal with. So Alfredo watched him leave, and now he was regretting that choice. He watched for another three days, silent and still, for the target to come and he never did.
His pattern changed suddenly but it was the only place Alfredo knew he should be. There was no other place in the city that Alfredo could find that the target frequented. So he waited there, eyes watching but his mind racing.
He’d been so sure this would go off without a hitch, he thought by now he’d have enough money to settle down somewhere outside of the city. But now he was planning his escape. If he failed, he was dead; and he’d worked too hard to get where he was just to end up as a body washing ashore.
Alfredo was too good to end up like that.
He trusted his gut and waited. He stayed in the apartment, never letting the small cafe out of his sight.
After hours of waiting, he was rewarded.
He instantly recognised the puff of black hair bouncing towards the store, he jumped into position.
The target was tall and lanky, there wasn’t much too him and Alfredo was wondering if it would’ve been easier to just punch the kid a few times instead of wasting a bullet. Although, the target didn’t seem like much of a threat, he was a Fake. That made him more dangerous than Alfredo would ever know, and he was expensive. Fredo could last off this paycheck for years.
So Alfredo lined up the shot. Through the scope he watched the target take a coffee cup from someone within the stall. Such a mundane place to die in. The target was still as he watched the traffic and drank his coffee.
Alfredo breathed in, he finger gently resting on the trigger. Everything was just right. He held his breath and squeezed.
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high5nerd · 4 years
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Alone Together--Chap. Thirty
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Sadie and I were very discreet with our planning for the following week, as well as Sadie putting in time for her own enjoyment of being a spirit. I couldn't stop her, but from what it seems, she was having a blast just by flying around or casually floating by in whatever silly pose she felt like doing. It was both amusing and...worrisome.
What if she chose the life of a spirit? Where would that leave Alice and I? She would never age while Alice and I grew old and carried on a legacy...hopefully. If she'll say yes.
You never know what Alice will say, she's surprising like that.
Where was I? Oh, right. Worrying myself to death over Sadie's rash decisions.
All in all, Sadie has a life in front of her. If she chooses the life of a spirit, she's leaving behind not just family and friends, but what she's been working for her entire life. Before this all happened she badly wanted to help those in need and be an activist against injustice and unethical issues. She was one of the top kids in her class, she had the voice and the passion and the knowledge...was she really just going to throw it all away to living an immortal life, forever sending dreams to children she didn't even know? If I was in that situation, I would easily choose to follow what I've started, not something new that was meaningless to me. But hey, I can't talk. For most of my life I've been giving nightmares to the entire world and spreading fear like it was a plague. I'm just getting used to this human life once more.
Alice regained her health slowly, thank the stars. I guess once the stress slowly disappeared and that she knew that Sadie was okay, it helped her bring back the rosy health that she once possessed. I hated seeing her so sick and frail, so knowing that she was up and about was relieving to say the least.
Nonetheless, once she got better she was back to working and helping me understand things a human adult should know.
"I feel like I should go to college."
Alice looked up at me, the rim of her coffee mug just centimeters away from her mouth.
"What?" she asked.
I sighed and closed the book I was reading and leaned against the table, "I said I think I should go to college. That's what helps people get better jobs, right?"
Alice put down her mug, her eyes not leaving mine. She looked thoroughly shocked. We both could hear Sadie's laughter outside along with the jingling of Sandy's as they flew around above the roof of the house.
"You...you want a job?"
"Yes. You can't be the only one trying to pay off this house. Heck, this isn't even a house anymore." I gestured to the living room, "Alice, it's becoming small. It was fine for a family of two but...I don't know, have you ever thought of moving elsewhere with a better pay and a better view than the forest and the backroad?"
Alice made that slight agreement face with the small shrug, knowing I had a point. I knew she was slowly liking the house less and less and wanted something bigger, something with a really big backyard. She smiled at the look I was giving her and touched my hand with hers.
"Pitch, you're absolutely right. I've thought about it all the time. But with the paycheck I earn along with bills and Sadie's education, I don't really have much of a choice except to stay here until it's all over."
I looked down at her hand, intertwining my fingers with hers, "Okay. Well, if you could have the option of moving somewhere else, you know, with no maximum price limit, what would it be?"
She laughed at that, her eyes shining with a dream I haven't seen until now. She withdrew her hand and leaned against her chair, holding her mug in both hands.
"Hmm...probably somewhere in the countryside, just miles away from the city where I would work. Something close to endless green valleys and a river, with the view of both the sunset and the sunrise. Like a horse ranch or something. You and I could take care of a couple of horses and have a few dogs that Sadie would look after. The house size doesn't matter to me as long as it has a shaded porch with a patio swing or a hammock."
My smile soon matched hers when she looked back at me. "You see me in your future?"
Alice brightly blushed and bit her lip with a grin, "Maybe. It's just a happy thought," her smile fell along with her blush, "Are….are you serious you want to go to college to get a job?"
I nodded, trying to look serious about my decision. I was, but after listening to her dream home I couldn't help but keep on smiling. She sighed and put down her coffee cup.
"It's really expensive, Pitch, we don't have that kind of money."
"But I do," I pressed, "North and everyone else owed me a favor. I can manage four years of that."
Alice pressed her lips together in thought before glancing back at me, "What would you want to go into? You know, for a job?"
Damn. She got me there. I honestly had no clue. I remember many, many decades ago I saw my first college campus and lurked around in the shadows during a few of the lectures. I remember liking it, but can't recalling what I found most intriguing. I want to be in charge of something, of course. Have control over things so I can finally feel that authority. But I also love to tap into the inner workings of humanity, see their flaws and emotions unravel-
"Psychology?" It sounded more like a guess for myself than an actual answer from me.
Her brow rose in doubt, "You...as a psychologist?"
Uh oh. I don't like the look on that face I usually like. I shrugged and nodded, "Yeah, that's pretty much it."
She continued to stare at me like that for a while, and for a second I thought she was going to completely be against it until she broke out into a wild and excited grin, "Well I like it! It actually kind of suits you. So! When will you start?" she leaned against the table with a new amount of eagerness.
Wow. That was actually kind of easy. Maybe she just wanted to be sure that this was my choice? Still, I was all for her excitement.
"Well, I haven't exactly acted upon it just yet. I'm thinking of doing that um...you know, later."
Alice nodded, "Yeah, especially because now is sort of busy with Sadie's newfound spirithood and you're still getting the hang of being human. I get that," she looked up at me with seriousness in her dark eyes, "I just want to be clear with something, okay?"
I nodded slowly, gesturing for her to continue.
She held up one finger, "One, is that this money you'll be spending on for college can't come from us, because we don't have it. This is all from North and the other Guardians, right?"
"Correct."
"Okay," she nodded before sticking up a second finger, "Two, the college can't be too far away. If anything happens I want you closeby for safety's sake. Like if the house burst into flames or Sadie's in trouble."
I grinned and bowed my head, "Exactly what was planned."
Alice's face went from serious to bashful in a matter of seconds, a smile on her face. "Oh. Heh, sorry. I didn't know how long you've been planning this. It is kind of unexpected."
Unexpected...that reminds me, I needed help with planning on Alice's proposal. I honestly didn't know how to do it without thinking I was going to screw something up. Sadie's good with the ideas for creativity, but I should really ask someone who's done it, someone who is actually married or engaged that I knew could help me.
Wait a minute. Alice's friends Emma and Tom. They're married, and Tom and I are technically friends. He could help me!
I can't make this obvious though. The week is almost over, since today is Wednesday, and not only will Sadie's decision to either stay as a spirit or leave as a human will be made but I want all the preparation decided by then. Tom would be a huge help if he's available. I can't afford Alice to get suspicious. She's a very smart and clever woman and if anything, she knew when I lied. Which was rare, I admit it, but she's that tuned in and bright.
I had to be cautious…
"Alice, is Tom around this week? Say today or tomorrow?"
Crap, there's that surprised look on her face. Here comes the 'why.'
"Yeah, why?"
I shrugged, "He invited me to his place for a game and some food. Is that what men usually do?"
Alice giggled at that and nodded, "Yeah, that's Tom for you. He rarely invites guys over and when he does it means he's considering you a friend. I suggest you take him up on the offer! You might have fun. Besides," she winked as she got up, "His homemade buffalo wings are to die for."
Damn, I hated lying to her. Well, it wasn't really a lie, it was more of a white lie. He did invite me over, but I hated using that as an excuse to leave the house to plan a proposal. It just felt like I was lying to her, like I was sneaking around.
Tom was the first human friend I made...this is going to be interesting.
"Seriously? You wanted to ask me for help?" Tom looked genuinely shocked, flattered even.
I slowly nodded, not entirely liking his reaction, "Y-Yes? I mean, you and Emma have such a happy marriage, I thought you would know-"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Tom rested a hand on my shoulder, making me sit back down at the kitchen table, "Koz, you need to understand something first. It's not the proposal that got us here, that was just a stepping stone. It's years and years of trust, a whole bunch of stuff. Believe me, it took me a while to finally want to get here. Using us as an example won't help you."
I must've sulked or something similar to the action, because he sympathetically grinned and slapped my back, "Hey. At least you're acting on it. You know you want to spend the rest of your life with her, right?"
"Yes."
Tom beamed again, folding his arms and leaning back in his chair, "Good. You're ahead of half the male population. What's your plan?"
I raised a brow, "Plan?"
Tom rolled his wrist in the air, as if wanting for me to continue, "You know, a plan. You can't just go on one knee and ask. If the girl is extremely special to you for you to propose you've got to make it memorable."
I opened my mouth before closing it again. Quite honestly….that was my plan. Just get down on one knee and ask for her hand in marriage. But by Tom's face I assume that's...out of the question? I glanced over at the nearby painted wall, just noticing the wedding photos over the fireplace. Emma was scooped up in Tom's arms laughing at the sky with Tom beaming at her despite being in ankle deep seawater. The picture next to it was their hands forming a heart with their son's baby hand in between.
"That was basically the plan." my voice sounded disappointed. I guess I was, a little bit.
Tom nodded at that, "Okay, so you're just wanting something simple, right? Knowing Alice she wouldn't want a big, thoroughly planned proposal. Emma said Alice doesn't like surprises like that, where they go full on out."
"Huh...then what do I do? I want her to feel special when I ask her...let her know she's...the center of my world."
Tom grinned at that again, and this time of being a cheeky one he looked elated. He looked like he was excited for what was to happen, just by hearing those words come from my mouth.
"I know just how to help you," Tom rested a hand on my shoulder again, "But you've got to believe me when I say this. It all is up to you on how to deliver it."
"So what's the first thing I do?" I ask, smirking at him.
I had just the idea, the perfect one, something Alice will not forget. I remembered how much Alice loved swimming at the quarry. At night I remembered seeing it for the first time, how the water literally glowed a vibrant turquoise and the stars looked so bold against the blackness of the sky. She'd love that...It's right on the beach, too. Tom didn't know how I knew of this quarry but thanks to my lucky stars-if I had any to begin with-he didn't ask any more questions. He did go on to say that the most daunting task is trying to find out Alice's ring size without her knowing. He said that when he tried to figure out Emma's, she almost figured out what he was going to do. Almost. But I knew Alice wouldn't...hopefully.
You know, she's pretty smart. She'd probably figure it out if she caught me rummaging around her jewelry box.
Sure enough I came home two hours later, and Alice was sitting at the kitchen table eating a green apple hungrily as she stared at whatever was on her screen. When I stepped through the doorway she looked up, smiling a bit, "How was it?"
I slowly nodded, putting my jacket on the hanger. "He's not that bad. I think he's alright. Very excitable."
"Told ya," Alice bit into the apple again, clicking something on her computer, "The office called me in and I have to go around dinnertime. It got busier than usual. Can you keep an eye on Sadie for me while I'm gone?"
I smirked at her, "Gee, I don't know. What will it cost me?"
She grinned humorously, "An arm and a leg, pretty boy."
I kissed her cheek and whispered in her ear, "I'd give you more than that."
"Like your heart?" Alice's eyes looked purely happy.
I shrugged, slyly glancing down at her. Her smile fell into a blush. She knew what that smile of mine meant. "That, probably along with my-"
"You know I can hear you guys, right?!" shouted Sadie from her room, "Keep it freaking PG in there!"
Alice laughed, keeling over as I chuckled and headed over to her room before she could notice I was in there. That movie on her computer will keep her busy for me to have enough time to find some sort of ring that fits her.
I made a beeline over to her dresser, flipping open the top of a carved box to see a circular mirror, a few necklaces and nothing else besides that, a lace kerchief and charms. Shit. What next? I know she has them, at least one. I glanced around her room, knowing I was timed on this. If I wasn't swift she'll catch me and ask questions, and I don't know what I'd respond with. She knows how to get the truth out of me.
Sure enough on her nightstand table was some sort of hand statue, covered in faded white cloth with rings on each finger.
"Yes," I grinned and plucked a silver, woven ring on the fourth finger and shoved it into my pocket.
Thank God that was there, otherwise-
"What are you doing?"
Fuck!
I whirled around and pointed at the hand statue, "Where did you get that? I don't remember you having it."
Yep. There it was. The skeptical eye. "Sadie gave it to me. Remember? For my birthday?"
"Ooh!" I nodded, glancing at it again, "It's nice. Kind of a neat idea. I never saw one of those before. It startled me for a second."
Alice giggled and looked at it, "Yeah, it can be. I haven't used it yet though. I've been busy with work I haven't taken Sadie's off and put mine on to use it."
...What. Those were Sadie's?
"Oh, so they're...they're Sadie's. Huh. Uhm...where do you keep yours then?" I asked, asking like I was that interested in it. Honestly, it was quite boring talk.
She pointed to the drawer below it. "In there. Not much, but at least Sadie won't know so she doesn't steal mine again. Why?" she looked at me again.
...What am I supposed to say to that?
"Well, it just seemed unfair that Sadie's technically still using hers. Do you want me to help you with it?"
Bingo. Nice job, Pitch. Perfect score.
She rolled her eyes and jerked a thumb towards the hallway, "Get out, Pitch. You look sneaky."
I raised my hands in defense, my brows up as if I'm slightly offended. Once I was back in the hallway and she made her way to Sadie's room, I dashed back in and ripped open the drawer. Immediately grabbing a silver band, I ran back out and pocketed the band inside my jeans, acting as if nothing out of the ordinary occurred at all.
This is going to be one tricky time, one for planning a proposal...and knowing I wasn't the only one worried about Sadie's choice in being a spirit or human…
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gearchronicles · 6 years
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Danganropa Re:Birth Class Trial One Transcript
I didn’t find any translation on the Class Trial of the video that Miwashiba posted yet, so I did one.  
【DRRB】ダンガンロンパ-Re:Birth- 裁判(前編)【非公式二次創作】.
And well heads up, while I did try my best shot on translating this, I have never really translated anything before yet, did no proof checking, or grammer, or an y other kind of checking yet (because it’s 2 am and I’ve been sitting on this since 6pm non stop), and it’s a rushed one person project I just did for fun.
You should only use this if you absolutely have no idea what they are saying, and even then only as a reference. I have no actual confidence in my japanese, if you could even call it that. I just barely managed roughly translate what they are saying. Sentences in { } mean that I actually have no idea if that’s what they are saying or not. Well it still should be possible to get the gist of the trial with thsi transcript... I hope. 
Also I can’t actually read japanese properly so I did this mostly by ear. Segments with Fujimori thinking are not translated because of this. Since it’s not voiced. Please do bear in mind it’s almost 3 am and I didn’t go over this script over yet. If you’re asking yourself why I used their first name instead their last name (except Koga). I have absolutely no idea.
Danganronpa Re:Birth Transcript -Opening- -Menu- -Class Trial Start- Monodora: Well now then...! I shall give simple explanation for the first Class Trial! Monodora:  In a Class Trial the one [Who did it] will be deduced and you'll vote on the culprit based on that conclusion. Monodora: If you can come to the rightful conclusion on who the blackend is, only the blackend will be punished... but if you by chance make the wrong person the blackend... Monodora: Everyone besides the blackend will be punished, and the left blackened will obtain the right to Graduation and will be allowed to graduate from Kaiho Acedemy! Monodora: Ah, and futhermore. Be sure that during Voting time to vote for someone. The person who didn't vote, shall be punished too, okay Monodora: Well then! It's the awaited start of the Class Trial! Ayumu: Well... it s-started, but... Kasumi: That is, it's just like what that Drago said that you'd understand, right? Aren't your ears rotten? Maiko: Man-! It's not the time to be insulting each other. If we don't cooperate, we won't find the culprit, you know! Misuzu: It's just like you said. ...First off, in order to discuss logically, we should start with laying our emotions aside, how does that sound? Akira: Do we have time to take things so leisurely? Let's quickly find the culprit and return... Kego: If we can find them by chattering, {that's not what makes them blackend} ? Arumi: Monodora killed, in order for us to participate in a Class Trial... isn't that what could've happend? Monodora: How rude! I wouldn't do something like that! Monodora: {After all, it's way funnier to look from an absolute and safe position after all! I wouldn't need to manipulate the results after all!} ? Maiko: Uwah... he really has bad tastes. Koga (Horse): If Monodora that bastard didn't do it, then that means the culprit is someone within our circle, doesn't it! Koga (Deer): Ehhh~ I don't want that... {I'd rather have this conclude fast...} ? Kazuomi: I'd be grateful if it went like that, but I don't think it will, right. Ayumu: That's right... Now since the Class Trial opend, I think the culprit plans to escape like that and go to the outside. Ayumu: In exchange for our lives... right. Kasumi: I- I don't want that! Kasumi doesn't want to die yet! Kasumi: Ah, but if I died then I wonder if I can become an existence like [those childs]/[them]...? ((I think Anoko refers to children? Considering her profile I she talks about ghost though)) Mikoto: That's not going to happen. Let's already start the Class Trial. Kasumi: Uhh--! W-What, it's fine even if you don't glare! Narumi: But, but- I haven't done something like a Trial yet. How do you do it? Nico: Over there, there's a person who seems to know how to. Kego: Miss Himuro... if you look at me that much, I'll  get embarrassed. Kego: Underground citzien, {because they continue to keep shut} are undergound, you see. Kego: Now in a situation {like that, (stopping to act undergound like can't be)/(I'll lose my right to be undergound right)} ((Truthfully I'm not entirely sure what he says here, 6:39 revisit)) Narumi: J-just in what kind of world did you live in...? Seishi: That's right... even if you say Trial, we don't have any {knowledge or experience}. Seishi: For starters, {it's important to talk first.} After that, I think it's fine if we take turns to organise our information. Seishi: If we do that, we should be walking directly into the truth. Marin: That's true. If we talk about the most important thing- Marin: Why did Saisai die, that's it right- Aruma: Well that's- it's fine to think that you're talking about Rokudo-chan, right? Misuzu: About the death? I think it's fine to talk (from a point where we can (continue)/(move forward from))/ (from a more advanced position). ((I think she means that they can skip the part about why he died)) Seishi: No, we should make sure everyone has the same level of information. Seishi: {So that we can make sure that the culprit doesn't say something like only they didn't know. That kind of development can happen too.} ((??? I think he says something along these lines)) Koga (Horse) : That happens quite often in Drama's right! Kazuomi: Well {reviewing the case}, starting from there is fine too I think. Misuzu: Yeah that's right... I'll {reflect} ((I actually don't know the last word she said)) Seishi: Well then, let's review what everyone know's about Rokudo's case. Ayumu: *thinks in words I can't read* Ayumu: *continues to think* Ayumu: *more thinking* -Debate start- -Bullets loading- First statement (Misuzu): On [Rokudo-sans's corpse] was... Second statement (Misuzu) : evidence left that his head was hit, right? Third statement (Akira): That's what was written in the Monodora Files too, right. Forth statement (Narumi): The time of murder was... during [{Night}] wasn't it? ((I'm not sure about the highlightend word, but considering how the trial goes the murder occured somewhere after midnight)) Fifth statement (Aruma): But Rokudo-chan... Sixth statement (Aruma):  why was he killed during nighttime in the [boy's bathroom]? Seventh statement (Kasumi) : If you say stuff like he "suddenly wanted to move his body", that's not going to happen right...? Eighth statement (Marin): Surely someone called for him- Ninth statement (Marin): cornered him, and was firmly [strangled by hand], right? ((I'm not sure if it says struck down, strangled, hanged, or something else, I'll go with strangle)) Ayumu: *thinks* -Circles through the bullets and replays debate- -Shoots [strangled by hand]- -Ayumu "No, that's wrong"- -Debate BREAK!!!- Ayumu: No, Seiji-kun wasn't killed by being strangled by hand. Marin: Eh? The murder method- it wasn't firmly strangling him by both hands? Ayumu: It's just like the Monodora Files say, {on the back of Seiji-kun's neck there were traces left of something thin and fine that strangled him} (yeah i don't understand the second part at all) Ayumu: That's why..., that he was strangled by hand, I don't think that happend. Marin: I see- Right, if the hands are small, it'd be hard to {wrap them around} his neck, too. Nico: I don't think it's decided that the culprit is a {} person. ((Yeah it's always the important words that I don't know orz)) Kazuomi: But you know, that thin and fine like thing. Inside the male's bathroom, there didn't seem to be anything thin like that. Ayumu: I looked here and there, and there wasn't anything like that. Maiko: So within Saiji-kun's proximity, there wasn't a weapon like thing? Kego: If that's the case, where do you think the culprit found that thin like thing? Aruma: {Close by}, there was something seemed like a rope. Aruma: But it's so long and thick... {if it was an Amateur, I don't think an amateur would use it}. Narumi: Inside the dining hall there were noodles, but I don't think anyone would use them. Narumi: Normally, nobody would use them to strangle someone right? Kasumi: You're the scary one for being able to think something like that up... Seishi: Not quite, even if we weren't able to find that thin and fine thing nearby facilities, Seishi: You all should have seen something like that at least once. And it's even closeby. Ayumu: *thinking* Ayumu: That weapon that we've seen somewhere... Answer One: *Still can't read* Answer Two: Own Room Answer Three: *Something japanese* -Ayumu "That's right!"- Ayumu: Inside our rooms! Narumi: Our rooms... was there something like that in our rooms? Seishi: Not quite, if we were to talk about in more detail, it was inside the decor, right. Ayumu: Yes. Kazuomi: ...Ah you're talking about our weapon-set aren't you? Misuzu: The weapon-set... the thing we received together with our videos from Monodora, right? Ayumu: That's right. Everyone, won't you please recall once more what the content of the weapon-set was. Kazuomi: Inside the weapon-set were... A knive, rope, hammer and a {small bottle}, weren't there? Maiko: ...Ah! That rope! Ayumu: Right... If it was the rope that was included with the weapon-set, I think we should {reconsider, because of the evidence left on Saiji-kun} Seishi: {It's fine enough} and the lenght is excatly 1.5 m long. In order to wrap it around a neck, I think that lenght is more than enough. Mikoto: During the investigation time, I ran around and looked at all facilities, but... Mikoto: Just like the other say, a rope that was long enough to be used as a weapon to strangle Rokudo, only the one inside the weapon-set could have been used. Mikoto: That's why, I think we can confirm that the weapon that was used was that rope. Misuzu: Running around investigating... you want to say that you looked around such a large perimeter during such a short time...!? Mikoto: What? It's not like I'm saying something impossible, right. Maiko: I do have some confidence in my stamina, but... Maiko: even so investigating, while running around every facility, I think that's pretty impressive. Maiko: Itsuki-san, when you have to do something you sure do! Mikoto: If you have time for {useless banter}, use that to proceed the discussion instead. Maiko: Eh--- it wasn't {useless banter} though. Ayumu: Umm... Then, we can agree that that was Saiji-kun's murder weapon, right? Seishi: That's right. Should we review the murder next? Seishi: The next thing we should consider next is... the murder location, shouldn't we? Misuzu: We want to confirm the location where Rokudo-san died, isn't that so. Narumi: The one's who watched over the male's bathroom were - Samejima-chan, Koga-chan, Todoroki-chan, weren't they? Kazuomi: Yeah. We wouldn't have stayed quiet if someone tried to erase evidence, alright. Kazuomi: That's because, I vigilantly stayed watch after all! It's fine to be relieved. Seishi: That's true... Then we will have those three speak now. Seishi: What did you see, and what did you notice. It'd be nice if you told us. Koga (Horse): Well it can't be helped alright! Be grateful and listen to my words! Koga (Deer): Why is Uma-kun (Horse) always like he is looking at others from above? Koga (Horse): Shut up! Those who have {strong flesh}, are always at the top! Narumi: Uma-chan (Horse) is more like flesh to be eaten isn't he? Aruma: Well I'll do something about it. Ayumu: *thinking* Ayumu: *thinking* -Debate start- -Bullets loading- First statement (Kazuomi): Rokudo was found in the [male's bathroom] late at night. Second statement (Aruma): Did Rokudo-chan go to the male's bathroom on [his own volition], I wonder? Third statement (Koga (Deer)): That's the only way, isn't it? Fourth statement (Aruma): No, not quite, it could be... Fifth statement (Aruma): did someone call him out there? Sixth statement (Koga (Horse)): That does sound possible! Seventh statement (Kazuomi): But you know... Eigth statement (Kazuomi): There wasn't [anything suspicious] like that in the bathroom, right? -Shoots [anything suspicious]- -Ayumu "That's wrong!"- -Debate BREAK!!!- Ayumu: ...No, I found something that suspicious inside the male's bathroom. Aruma: Oh my? Was there anything like that? Ayumu: It's this. Marin: Well this is, a letter? Ayumu: Yes. It was in the trash can, mixed with the other garbage. Nico: So, is that letter the one which summoned Rokudo-kun? Maiko: Ah... I see! Maiko: Then just like Aruma-chan said, Saiji-kun was called by someone, isn't that so? Ayumu: No... this Letter is indeed used to call someone to the male's bathroom. Ayumu: But, the receiver wasn't Saiji-kun. Kego: Hm, if it wasn't Mister Rokudo, then to whom exactly is this Love Letter addressed to? Ayumu: Samejima-san. You knew about this Letter, didn't you? Kazuomi: Ah...!! Koga (Horse): Ehhh!? You bastard were the culprit!? Kazuomi: Y-You're wrong! Why should it be me!? Koga (Deer): {So noone would notice that you'd get rid of the evidence, you volunteered to stand guard didn't you} Kazuomi: Nghh---!! Kazuomi: I didn't say that! The whole time while I stayed watch, I was asleep! Akira: Is that your weak excuse? (Is something that weak your excuse?) Seishi: Fujimori-san. I think it would be fine if you told everyone it's content. Ayumu: Right. So... Ayumu: [Regarding the motive video, if you want more information, it's hidden inside the male's bathroom's locker.] Ayumu: This was written inside the letter. Misuzu: The motive video... That is the video we received from Monodora, right? Narumi: What was it? There was a continuation to that video!? Kego: Then, the one who sent that letter was Monodora? Ayumu: No... the name of the one who sent it wasn't on it. Ayumu: But, even though we can't determine who sent it, Samejima-san, receiving this letter, you went to the male's bathroom, didn't you? Kazuomi: I'm telling you, I didn't go there... Mikoto: If you say that you didn't go, isn't it weird that this letter was in the bathroom's trashbin? Mikoto: You... if you're lying you should be prepared {for the consequences.} Kazuomi: Ngh...!? Misuzu: Please wait just a moment. Koga (Horse): Ehh? What is it, do you have any complaints? Koga (Horse): No matter how you look at it Samejima-san is suspicious! Misuzu: No, I think it would be too rash to determine that Samejima-san went to the bathroom just based on that letter. Misuzu: I mean... we can't deny the possibility that someone else threw that letter away on purpose. Nico: And that is for what reason? Seishi: From the information that we've gathered, perhaps in order to draw suspicion on Samejima-san and  avert suspicion away from themself. Misuzu: That is right. That's why we shouldn't blaming Samejima-san without evidence or concrete proof. Nico: That {Neet} over there, {} you seem to be awake every night, don't you know something? Akira: Hah? Since when did I develop that kind of rotten {habit}. Akira: Even if I was awake, if I was in that windowless room the whole time, I wouldn't know about anything that happened elsewhere, you know... Akira: {While everyone was collecting evidence}, I was in that room the whole time, you know. Narumi: So you really were all alone, weren't you. ((You're really a Hikkimori, Shut In)) Misuzu: If you don't have any concrete evidence... shouldn't we think about an other possibility then? Kazuomi: Heh... it's just like Aisaka said. Kazuomi: That's what I said from the beginning that I didn't go! Kazumi: If you want proof, there is some... Kazuomi: If you say that, say it {more straight forwardly}. Kasumi: If you want proof, there is some!! Kazuomi: Uwahhhh!!? Nico: Don't raise your volume so suddenly. {Those poison like rotten eyes, shall I turn them around...?} Kasumi: Ihhh! Wh-what...! Even though I was just about to tell you about the proof...! Kasumi: If you say you don't want it, then I wont tell about it! Ayumu: Uh-- no, that's not the case! Ayumu: That's why... Izumo-san, won't you tell us about it? Maiko: Yes, that's right! Bullying is not good! Kasumi: Uhh.... uh.. I... I saw it. Kasumi: Kasumi saw Samejima last night. Kazuomi: Ngah! Koga (Horse/Deer): W-What did you say-!? Mikoto: I wonder if that's the truth. Kasumi: What's with you! Kasumi dosen't have a reason to cover for that {half assed, thick skulled ape} Samejima! Kazuomi: Who are you calling {half assed, thick skulled ape}!? Seishi: Well... it's true that we asked around who went around during nighttime. Seishi: But, at that time, why didn't you tell us about it? Kasumi: Hii--- B-because... Kasumi: Then you all would look at Kasumi with those blaming eyes...! Ayumu: W-we didn't have any intention of that though... Seishi: A..hahaha... I'm sorry. Well anyway I'd like you to continue, if that's alright. Kasumi: I, I understand... Kasumi: Ihi... hihihihi.... you better listen to Kasumi properly.... Kasumi: You better be careful, because if you anger those children, even Kasumi can't lend you a hand...! Seishi: Ahahaha.... I'll take note of it. Ayumu: *Thinking in process* Ayumu: *More lines thought* -Debate start- -Bullets loading- First statement (Kasumi): In order to play with those children, Kasumi always goes outside at night... Second statement (Kasumi): And last night, ((Kasumi)) saw [Samejima Figure]...! Third statement (Kazuomi): And was that really me!? Fourth statement (Kasumi): It's the truth! I wouldn't tell somelie! Fifth statement (Kasumi): The one who walked towards [the gym], {Kasumi} really saw them! Sixth statement (Kazuomi): But it's not like you saw how he walked towards the male bathroom! Seventh statement (Kazuomi): If there's [no other evidence] that I went to the bathroom, then... -Shoots [no other evidence]- -Ayumu "That's wrong!"- -Debate BREAK!!!- Ayumu: ...Not quite, there's proof that Samejima-san went to the bathroom with high probability, that's left within the bathroom. Kego: Hmmm... there was something else than the Letter? Ayumu: Yes. Ayumu: That is... the locker. Kazuomi: The locker? What do you want to say? Ayumu: If Samejima-san went to the bathroom, then- no, Ayumu: He should be able to remember. About the locker door, that {was wide open.} Aruma: The Locker's door which was open... It was the one where Rokudo-chan was inside right? Ayumu: Yes. About the Locker's door state before the incident, Yodagawa-san should know about it. Seishi: Hmm... that Locker's door, when I investigated it before, it was closed shut. Seishi: {Except that the door wouldn't budge, it was in a beautiful state.} Marin: If that's the case- why was the Locker open then-? Koga (Horse): Wasn't it in order to hide the body inside of it!? Koga (Deer): That's it~! Mikoto: Koga, you're annyoing. Shut up. Koga: ... Kazuomi: Wait a second! Just because that locker was open, why would it be my fault!? Ayumu: That locker, it wasn't just closed. Ayumu: The hinge, it was in a bad condition. Kazuomi: The hinge...!? Ayumu: Yes. That's the reason why the door wouldn't unlock that easily. Seishi: My strength as one boy, I couldn't open that door. Narumi: But still, Samejima-san just has the "strength of one boy" too. Ayumu: No... if it is Samejima-san there would be a possibility. Akira: And that reason is? Ayumu: *thinking* Answer One: SHSL Karate Fighter Answer Two: SHSL Akaido Fighter Answer Three: SHSL  Fighter -Selects Answer One [SHSL Karate Fighter]- -Ayumu "That's right!"- Ayumu: Samejima-san is the SHSL Karate Fighter, isn't that right? Ayumu: Using that talent's physical strength... it would be possible to open the door without much problem wouldn't it? Kazuomi: Huh...!? Akira: That's right... that he {even wears an outfit fitting to such a tick skull/ physical idiot} Kazuomi: How is that even related!? Maiko: But, there doesn't seem another boy with that kind of strength, right? Maiko: Suprisingly, there might be another girl who could thought! Seishi: Just like I said before, I couldn't open it. Kego: I wouldn't do something so uncool, like forcing a door open. Akira: I am... just like you see. Koga (Horse): He can't carry anything that's heavier than a puppet! Marin: Ahh-! Your forcast seems quite downcast, right! Ayumu: A, ahaha... well. Ayumu: Between the boys who could open that Locker's door... After all I think only Samejima-san could do it. Kazuomi: Ngh.... Mikoto: Samejima, I just told you didn't I? Mikoto: If you're lying, you are better prepared for the consequences. Kazuomi: ... Ayumu: Samejima-san... Ayumu: I'm going to borrow Yodagawa-san's words... If we talk about it, we should be walking straightforward to the truth. Ayumu: That's why, won't you tell us about what really happend? Kazuomi: ... Kazuomi: ...I went. Ayumu: Eh? Kazuomi: Last Night... I went to the male's bathroom. Nico: So you really went there, huh. Kasumi: See! It's exactly what Kasumi said! Kasumi was rigth, e... ehehehe... Ayumu: That is, after you read that letter, was it? Kazuomi: Yeah. Kuzomi: It became nighttime, and I went to take a shower. Kazuomi: As I went out of the shower... that letter fell out nearby the door. Kazuomi: Probably, it was from the {doors slit}. Nico: Eh... So, you went just like the letter asked you too? Nico: I think {even a coward like you}, can be cute. Just kidding. Nico: Just a moment... isn't your {pride} a bit too low? Kazuomi: J-just leave me alone! It's {about my weak point after all!} Kazuomi: I thought I could've been from that Monodora... Kazuomi: But when I went to the male's bathroom, there was noone there. Seishi: Not even Rokudo-kun? Kazuomi: Yeah... he wasn't there. Seishi: Hmm. Then that means, it was before the crime happened that's when Samejima-san went to the male's bathroom, huh. Kazuomi: Well I wouldn't know about the time, anyway I opened the Locker then. Mikoto: Your motive video, is it so important for you? Kazuomi: At the very least, it's nothing I want others to see. Kazuomi: That's why I thought if there really was that Video {I thought about retrieving it.} Aruma: Then that means, what kind of secret was it? Kazuomi: ... Kego: Heh... Mister Samejima. If you keep quiet you won't be able to tell us anything. Ayumu: If it's impossible to speak about... Kazuomi: ......... {perfomance, }.... Ayumu: Eh? Kazuomi: My performance, it {}... Narumi: Is that something to be embarrassed about? Kazuomi: Ahh!! It's embarrassing! It's extremly embarrassing!!! Kazuomi: On a level where I'd die!! Ayumu: T-That bad... is it? Kazuomi: That's why I wanted to retrieve it at all costs! Seishi: I see... That's why you opened that Locker, even though it's bad state. Kazuomi: But... inside the Locker, there wasn't any continuation of that video!! Kazuomi: Then I though that it was some kind of prank... I got extremly irritated, threw that Letter into the trash and went back. Mikoto: So that's your take on it huh. Kazuomi: I just told you the truth, so it's fine right. Ayumu: Uhn. Thank you, Samejima-san. For telling us the truth. Koga (Horse): Is that truly the truth? Ayumu: Eh? Koga (Deer): Couldn't we think of another posibility...? Koga (Horse): The truth is Rokudo was there first and found that video!! Kazuomi: Guh...!? Misuzu: Koga-san, do you want to say that Samejima-san is telling a lie? Koga (Deer): After all~ {Even if you gather all the evidence~} Koga (Horse): I think the only culprit could've been Samejima after all! Seishi: I wonder about that? It is possible that someone else entered the crime scene. Koga (Horse): That's why I told you! It could be possible that he didn't open that locker in order to search for that video, but to hide the corpse! Kasumi: That's true... It's just like Koga says... Kasumi: That's what the children are saying too... that Samejima is the culprit! Kazuomi: I've only told the truth! Nico: Well then... why didn't you tell us right away? Nico: If you would have told us from the start, we wouldn't need to be so suspicious about you. Kazuomi: That's because... if it was found out that I was at the crime scene, I'd be marked as the culprit. Kazuomi: And I didn't want to talk about the video after all... Kasumi: That's why, isn't the reason why you hid that because you are the culprit? Kazuomi: You're wrong! That was really not me! Kazuomi: I wouldn't do something like killing Rokudo!! Kasumi: The way you're getting angry about it... {on the contray doesn't that make you suspicious!} Narumi: Uhmm, what should we do? My mind is swirling around--...? Maiko: So it has become a discussion of wether we should believe Kazuomi or not? Kego: Well, if Mister Samejima is truly the culprit, then it'd be fine to just vote. Misuzu: However we can't be certain that Samejima-san is truly lying, is rushing the voting time really fine...? Aruma: {If it isn't the blackened}, then we'll be the one to die you know? Nico: But if we look at how Samejima-san has acted so far, it seems rather like that he had told us a lie rather than the truth you see. Maiko: Kazuomi-kun you did deny that you went to the bathroom at first... Kazuomi: W-what's wrong with this kind of atmosphere... Kazuomi: It just looks like, {you believe} that I'm truly the culprit! Akira: Well no matter how you think about it, that's how it is. Akira: Just until now {it looks like you're repeating the same routine} Kazuomi: Ugh...!? Nico: Well... isn't it fine to just vote? Koga (Horse): {Just let us get over this already, and let's end this!} Misuzu: No, shouldn't we talk this through a little bit more... Kasumi: What are you talking about...! {If you want to increase this unpleasent atmosphere then...} Kasumi: I can't bear that!! Ayumu: *Thinking* Ayumu: *More thinking* Ayumu: *Why isn't this voiced* Ayumu: *Well at least I got an excuse to not translate this* -Flash Anagram start- First letter: Ko Second letter: I Third Letter: So Fourth letter: Ku [Rules] -Ayumu "That's it!"- -COMPLETE!!- Ayumu: Everyone please wait! Ayumu: The voting, can you please wait for it a bit longer? Kasumi: W-what's with you. Fujimori are you Samejima's ally? Ayumu: That's not what I'm saying... but with this kind of information, I don't think we should start voting yet. Aruma: If you say it like that, is there anything that you're curious about? Ayumu: Everyone, won't you please remember this school's rules once more? Misuzu: Rules? Akira: If a murder occurs and one become's blackened, if you get caught they'll be punished and be executed. Akira: Are you talking about this rule? Ayumu: That's right. Ayumu: If you get caught as a blackened, there is a rule that you'll be executed. {A simple rule like that anyone could understand} Nico: That is only if they are caught isn't it? Nico: Just like Koga-kun said, {being shown the video, what then...?} Akira: {Realistically}, there's the possibility that he called {him to the crime} Ayumu: Even so... the fact that that evidence was at the crime scene, you'd get caught. Ayumu: *thinking* Answer One: *I'm trying my best you know* Answer Two: *But stuff I can't read* Answer Three: *That's just impossible* -Answer One- -Ayumu "That's right!"- Ayumu: Well, the Letter Samejima-san got that was thrown into the trash bin in the bathroom, Ayumu: If Samejima-san's name was written on it, something so easy to {figure out}, would he truly just leave it at the crime scene? Seishi: That's true, there was proof that {Samejima-san was in the bathroom.} Seishi: Stuff like the Letter and the Locker, isn't that so. Mikoto: If by chance Samejima truly went outside to commit a murder... he would have tried a little bit harder to conceal the evidence. Mikoto: That's why, {he should've burned or hidden the letter somewhere}, so it wouldn't reach the eyes of others. Mikoto: ...but he didn't just think about it, that kind of possibility exist too, though. Kazuomi: Not even I am that stupid! Misuzu: That's right... {now that we see more than one possibility, I think it's foolish to start the voting.} Mikoto: So we're starting to guess who the culprit is again... Marin: Uhmm... The outlook has become quite gloomy again... Marin: I want to quickly {ask Otengi-sama again} Narumi: But is there even another suspicious person? Seishi: We need to discuss who could be suspicious once again. Kasumi: Kasumi can't think of anyone else but Samejima... Nico: However...{} Kego: The one who are to be doubted are, the assembled men's here, that means every boy is suspicious right now. Seishi: If we think about the current information, right. Maiko: The male's bathroom... only boy's can enter it rigth? That's a rule isn't it? Akira: I didn't do it. Koga (Horse): I too didn't do it. Kazuomi: Well, I didn't do it either, alright! Marin: That's quite bad! Everyone is saying that they didn't do it! Misuzu: Well if the culprit said that he was it, then he'd get punished after all. Misuzu: Well then... the one's who {are targeted right now} , won't we just let them talk? Aruma: Truly, I think that's good. Aruma: The dogs who are lying... I'll throughoutly reeducate them alright...! Ayumu: *Thinks* Ayumu: *Thinks* -Debate start- -Bullets loading- First statement (Misuzu): [The crime scene: The male's bathroom]... Second statement (Misuzu): can only be entered by males, so I think the probability that the [culprit is male] is high. Third statement (Kasumi): So besides Samejima, is there a boy who entered the bathroom? Fourth statement (Narumi): Tsuchiya-chan [didn't leave his room], so it's not him right! Fifth statement (Nico): Because he is a {Shut-In}, on the contray he should have been quite active. Sixth statement (Aruma): Sakuma-chan is a DJ, so he's quite active at night too. Seventh statement (Marin): This sister thinks, the one's who should be fast asleep during that time are Set-chan (Deer-chan) und Uma-chan (Horse-chan), isn't that so? Eigth statement (Marin): Mitssun seems to [be talking to his puppets] before he goes to sleep, that's the kind of image I get. Ninth statement (Nico): Huh... that's kinda {creepy}. Tenth statement (Misuzu): Well it seems the {these are all that are [under the suspicion] of killing Rokudo-san} -[Under the suspicion] shot through- -Maiko "That's wrong!"- -BREAK!!?- Ayumu: Eh? Maiko: ... Misuzu: Kagura-san, what do you mean that "that's wrong"? Maiko: There aren't only five suspicious people. Misuzu: Eh? Aruma: Yodagawa-chan, Koga-chan, Tsuchiya-chan, Sakuma-chan, Samejima-chan, that's five right? Narumi: Rokudo-chan died after all, so there is no one else is there? Maiko: No. There is one. One more boy. Akira: The phantom sixth player? Kasumi: As if there a miracle like this would just happen!? Maiko: That you all wouldn't know is natural! After all... Maiko: Because the one is the one, who hid the fact that he was a boy after all. Maiko: Isn't it so, Fujimori Ayumu-kun? Ayumu: Uh...!! Kasumi: Eh? Ahh! Fujimori, you were a boy!? Marin: Ehh-! Ayumu, you were a boy all along! Marin: Sister couldn't tell at all- Koga (Horse): But hey wait! While looking at us like you had nothing to do with it, you doubted us!! Koga (Deer): Uwah...! Scary~ Human's are scary~ {Sniff sniff} Mikoto: While the others didn't know about it, why did you know about it? Maiko: I heard it directly from Ayumu-kun. Maiko: When we investigated the gym. Misuzu: That's true... that day the one who investigated the gym were Fujimori-san, Yodagawa-san and Kagura-san, those three. Maiko: Yes. When we went to the gym, Seishi-kun looked into the boy's bathroom, and I and Ayumu-kun were to look into the girl's bathroom, that's what we said. Maiko: Once I took his hand to drag him into the bathroom, he took away his hand. Maiko: At that time Ayumu-kun talked to me about how he actually was a boy. Misuzu: I see... because of the rules entering the bathroom of the opposite sex is forbidden, so he had to tell you the truth, is what you're saying. Mikoto: So concering this information, Fujimori won't you say something about it. Ayumu: ... Ayumu: ...there's nothing. It's just like Maiko-chan says. Ayumu: I am a boy. Mikoto: Is that so. Misuzu: Monodora were you aware of this? Monodora: Of course! The student's information even {}, are known to the headmaster. Monodora: Fujimori Ayumu-kun is proper {} boy. Akira: If you knew, why didn't you say anything... Monodora: Just like Tsuchiya-kun said, if you don't ask I won't answer! Monodora: And futhermore, in this world there are a lot people with different hobbies, right? Ayumu: You're saying this, even though you know that's wrong... Kazuomi: You... have a hobby pretending to be a girl. Misuzu: N-no, it's just like Monodora said, everyone has a different kind of sensevity on how far hobbies go... Misuzu: Fujimori-san! There's nothing to be bothered about by it! Ayumu: That's why, I'm telling you that that isn't my hobby aren't I! Monodora: Puyahahahahaha! Now that your shocking secret has been revealed, should we get changed? -Outfit transformation scene- Ayumu: Eh? Ayumu: So there was such an uniform as well... Monodora: Well of course there is? Even I won't do something so lowly. Monodora: Well since I wasn't asked, I didn't tell either! Ayumu: *shocked thinking* Kego: Now that we know that Miss Fujimori is Mister Fujimori, that only increased the suspects, didn't it. Kasumi: No, if we talk about the most suspicious one, wouldn't that be Fujimori? Kasumi: After all, since he hid that truth, isn't it because he did something suspicious? Ayumu: N-no that's wrong! I didn't do something like that! Marin: But, why didn't you tell anyone else? Ayumu: Well that is, there are a lot of reasons, but mainly because I didn't find a good timing for it... Seishi: Thinking about how we met the first time, you already had the female appearance right? Ayumu: Yeah, Yodogawa-san said I had such a cute and female like name, I panicked and couldn't correct him either... Ayumu: And just like that, I greeted everyone like that. Kazuomi: I believe you. Kazuomi: Fujimori cleared {the doubt about me}. He's trying to seriously face this trial after all. Misuzu: I too, think it's weird to suspect Fujimori-san just based on that. Misuzu: Just like Sakuma-san said, the other boys could have entered the crime scene too. Kego: Hmm, {} Kego: If you asked me, the change from cute girl to cool boy is the only thing that happened. Ayumu: {Even if you say that to me like that,} Nico: Is that wrong? Ayumu: That's wrong! Ayumu: A-anyway I'll apologize right away from not being honest about my gender. Ayumu: But even if you knew that I was a boy... it's not like the other's suspicion have been lifted yet. Ayumu: That's why let's continue talking, while adding me to the suspect list. -Kasumi "You're being {trapped}"- Kasumi: What are you talking about, the way you tackled this, the one who is steeped in sin the most... Kasumi: Fujimori, that's only you! Ayumu: Eh? Maiko: Hey Ayumu-kun. Maiko: The one who's least likely to be found out in this case, it's only you right? Maiko: I mean, if you kept shut about your gender, nobody would've doubted you. Akira: Well that's true. Akira: Choosing the boy's bathroom as the crime scene, {the one most likely to choose it is} Fujimori isn't that so. Aruma: If you say it like that, it's kinda convincing. Narumi: Uhmm, I might have started to think like that too... Ayumu: T-Thats... Kasumi: That's why the one who should be doubted the most is... Kasumi: Fujimori!! That's not wrong is it!!? Ayumu: I didn't do it... I... Ayumu: Saiji-kun, I didn't kill him... Koga (Horse): Well you're only saying it after all!! Akira: So- isn't there a more logical response to that. Ayumu: *Thinks* Ayumu: *Thinks* Ayumu: *Thinks* Kasumi: See, since you're not saying anything at all, that means... -Seishi "That logic is faulty, you see"- Seishi: Hey Izumo-san. Kasumi: Uhe!? W-what is it? Seishi: You're trying to push Fujimori-san as a culprit, but is there something that you have that can confirm your suspicions? Ayumu: Eh? Kasumi: Th-That the fact that Fujimori hid his gender is enough proof isn't it? Seishi: Fujimori-san gave you a good reason why he did so, didn't he? Seishi: And besides that? Could it be that there isn't anything? Seishi: If there's nothing then... it's boring to hear you{r tantrum}. Kasumi: Ih... B-but... Kazuomi: It's just like Yadogawa-san says. Don't you believe what Fujimori-san says? Kazuomi: Up until now, Fujimori's deductions only have saved us from the wrong choice! Koga (Horse): Well that was only an act to deceive us from thinking that he is the culprit! Koga (Deer): I don't want this~ Humans are scary~ Misuzu: Not quite... By unraveling the mystery, we draw closer to who the culprit is. Misuzu: If Fujimori-san is the culprit then, his deduction up until now {feel kind of weird} Aruma: That is because he had confidence that his true nature wouldn't be revealed wasn't it? Narumi: Uhuh! If the flow kept going that the culprit had to be a boy then, Fujimori-chan definitely wouldn't have become a suspect! Akira: Yeah that's right. Fujimori himself has been quite quiet since then. Ayumu: ... Mikoto: {}. {Being suddenly doubted to be the culprit, it's not like that wasn't likely though.} Mikoto: It's just like what we said earlier for Samejima, dropping those kinds of hints... Mikoto: And then believing that one wouldn't be suspected, is something that's quite {}. Ayumu: I can't refute that... Kasumi: What? Are you guys going to be Fujimori's allies? Seishi: Well Allies or not... Coming to that conclusion through logic {are the white's duty} is something I am saying. Seishi: Instead of being consumed by one piece of information, I wonder looking for other possibilities  isn't a better solution? Seishi: Well I don't plan to {give you some weird/misleading} hand though. Kasumi: N-no matter what things you say... Kasumi: Kasumi doesn't think that she is going to stop looking about evidence that might be able to pin the blame on Fujimori after all! Ayumu: *thinks* Ayumu: *thinks* Mikoto: Fujimori. Ayumu: Eh? Mikoto: Do you think that it's fine to continue like that? Ayumu: hu... Ayumu: There's no way that I would think like that! Mikoto: Right. Then get that messy brain organized. Mikoto: {And face it straighforwardly.}  In order to change something, you need to walk forward. Ayumu: ...! Ayumu: Itsuki-san, thank you. Ayumu: *thinks* Ayumu: *thinks* Ayumu: *thinks* -Debate start- -Bullets loading- First statement (Kasumi): The fact that Fujimori hid that he was a boy, isn't that the truth? First Counter (Seishi): Well that's because everyone around him saw him as a girl, that he couldn't tell anyone that he was a boy... he said so himself didn't he? Second statement (Maiko): But if we wouldn't have realized that he was a boy, {we couldn't make sure that he would be a suspect too.} Second Counter (Misuzu): Fujimori participated with his logical deductions. If he truly was the culprit wouldn't that be weird? Third statement (Narumi): But the male bathroom only boy's can enter so, and Fujimori is a boy after all... Third Counter (Kazuomi): It's true that he could've been at the crime scene, but we still haven't found evidence that he was indeed there! Fourth statement (Koga (Horse)): It's fine already, just let's get the voting starting! After all the culprit is going to be Fujimori after all! That's why he has been so quiet the whole time! Fourth Counter (Mikoto): If you keep pushing at him from above, there is no evidence that you couldn't have been the culprit either. Fifth statement (Azuma): However there was no [other suspicious place] other than the male's bathroom, was there? -Shoots through [other suspicious place]- -Counter side "We're going to shoot down that statement!"- -Debate BREAK!!- Ayumu: No, the only suspicious place isn't only the male's bathroom. Aruma: Eh? Was there somewhere else? Ayumu: The female bathroom. Ayumu: Before the incident happend, the place where something changed was the female bathroom! Aruma: W-what did you say? Kasumi: What are you trying to say with that? Kasumi: Rokudo's death is unrelated to the female bathroom isn't it? Seishi: Not quite, we can't say that for sure yet. Kasumi: Hhii-- Seishi: Fujimori-san is talking about the {something important} inside the female bathroom isn't that so? Narumi: Oh... besides the {} , he's talking about that right? Ayumu: Right, however when I began investigating, I looked at it again the cart was in a slightly clean state. Misuzu: Then that means--- {it was used for something, is what you want to say?} Ayumu: That's what I believe. Ayumu: Hey Maiko-chan, the one who told me about {that thing}, was Maiko-chan wasn't it? Ayumu: This information isn't wrong is it? Or did you move {that thing}? Maiko: Uh, no, I didn't touch the cart. Ayumu: I see, then it's fine to think that that's the truth isn't it? Maiko: Yes... Akira: But even so... that's not proving that this is related to this trial at all is it? Seishi: Well then, is there someone who touched that cart? Kasumi: ... Maiko: ... Narumi: ... Seishi: It doesn't seem that way. Seishi: Since noone {is taking responsibility for that}, couldn't that mean that that cart too can be seen as evidence in this case? Mikoto: If that's the case... Mikoto: It becomes that one of the female's is the one who did it. Asuma: Ehh? Marin: Ohh? And why is that so? Mikoto: Just like only boy's can enter the male's bathroom, only girls can enter the female bathroom. Mikoto: The one who used that cart can only be a girl. Narumi: H-How should we know about that? Narumi: Yodagawa-san is a girl after all... isn't that how it can turn out too? Misuzu: While I can understand that wanting to avoid doubting eyes. Misuzu: The only one who has such hobbies... I do hope it only remains with Fujimori-san. Aruma: Well I'd welcome it. Ayumu: *thinks* Marin: Uhm, but still to say that that cart was used to kill Saisai, that wasn't determined yet, right? Nico: Truly, it could have been used for another purpose after all. Kasumi: Y-yeah that's right, if it was used for something else there's nothing special about it after all. Kego: Humm, but earlier nobody responded to Mister Yodagawa's question. Kego: That means. There's a high chance that it was used, isn't there? Kazuomi: That's right! And that's after you all suspected that only boys could be the culprit... Kazuomi: Now that you stand on the same level, there's nothing you can say! Misuzu: That's right. On this ground called Class Trial, you are already in a position to be doubted that's what you need to confirm with yourself. Misuzu: Futhermore you need to clearly convey that you're not the culprit with your own words and speak the truth. Nico: Eh... There's a weird doll thinking that it's a human, trying to push us to start the voting and blaming others to be the culprit. Koga (Deer): She's clearly talking about us isn't she? Koga (Deer): uhuhuh, the way you worded that was cruel... Even we are trying our best... Nico: {Even though you're not telling us your name, thinking you could get away with that, aren't you a bit too full of yourself} Koga (Horse): Shut UP! The truth is we're trying to {cope with the death}! Koga (Horse): If we forget the way the dead one thought, that's too what a true bully is right? Nico: Ah... {the fact that you think about the deceased, I wonder if I should compliment you on that.} Akira: Well anyway... from here on... what are we gonna do? Seishi: Obviously, we're going to keep discussing. Seishi: The theroy on who the suspect is from one of the girls. Kasumi: That's why, Kasumi didn't do it! Narumi:  It's not me either! Marin: Sister isn't it either! Ayumu: Uwah!? Stay calm, one after another! Kasumi: Fujimori please be quiet. Ayumu: Ehh!? Why only me!? Seishi: Oh my, oh my. This situation has become quite {fickle} hasn't it? Seishi: Well if it's Fujimori-san, he's going to be alright. Ayumu: *Thinks* Ayumu: *Thinks* -Class Trial Intermission-
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in honor of getting to 5k on the thing i’m writing here are some snippets of it that i like
pls don’t r3blog this it’s Content™ in its purest most unrefined form and not yet suitable for…uh, the teeming masses that must be lining up to read the rarest of pairs. cw for grief child abuse and ptsd
Chris could bury it again. He could shove it down into the darkness, where dead things belong. It might take longer this time, but he knows he could do it because of how many times he’s done it before. He checked out when he killed Victoria, for the brief moments it took to make himself hold the knife and shove it in; later at the funeral he held Allison while she wept without hearing or feeling any of it, the same way he did at Kate’s. And then after Allison died too he was the one who trained the kids on what to say to the authorities, who identified her body—and then he put his little girl in the ground, all without shedding a single tear. 
Chris can barely remember all those funerals. And without meaning to he buried Allison’s legacy with her; somewhere along the way, he lost their promise to protect without ever realizing he’d done it. If it hadn’t been for Derek, he might never have found it again. He has, it seems, a habit of making himself forget the things that hurt him. 
And now he’s going to have to break it.
No matter what he did or remembered, no matter how awful it is, he can’t compartmentalize it anymore. He lost Allison’s code once already, and he won’t risk losing it again.
Chris pauses in the empty lobby, by the elevator. His sister was not a good person. He knew that the first time he mourned her, but it hasn’t gotten any easier to sort out since then. To mourn the loss of someone who did so many terrible, unforgivable things can’t be right, but she’s still his sister, and neither can it be right to let her pass from this world without a soul to care that she’s gone. It’s the same mess he runs into when he thinks about Victoria: twenty years they’d been in love, and he never thought she’d try to kill a child who’d never harmed a soul. And yet…
What Chris did to Riley isn’t any better than what Victoria tried to do to Scott. It’s actually worse. The things his family has done are unforgivable, but if he can’t forgive them, what does that mean for him?
It doesn’t bear thinking about, at least not right now. The dark corners are starting to make him nervous. Chris punches the button for the elevator, flexing his hands so he won’t reach for his gun.
Derek closes the space between them, takes Chris’s face in his hands, and kisses him. 
It kind of surprises Chris how fast the tension leaves him. He’s been wound up tight all day, but between this and the rush of endorphins that come with werewolf painkillers, it’s like someone flipped a switch. He slides his hands up Derek’s back, bunching up his shirt, and thinks, Finally.
“What,” Derek murmurs against his lips when the kiss breaks, “did you think we weren’t a thing anymore? Now that we’re back home?”
Chris kisses him again instead of answering. Derek can play it cool all he wants, but Chris wasn’t imagining his hesitation earlier. “Did you?" 
Derek hums under his breath. He pulls back enough to meet Chris’s eyes, his arms still wound around Chris’s neck and his expression unreadable. The moment hangs—and Chris is the first to crack, smiling in spite of himself. It doesn’t take Derek long to follow. 
Several hours later Chris wakes with Derek’s face hanging above his, Derek calling his name.
He’s instantly alert, heart racing fit to burst. "What?” He pushes himself to a sitting position—harder now that the pain is back—and wishes it would be less insensitive to keep his .45 under his mattress while he’s in Derek’s bed. 
“Bad dream,” Derek says hesitantly, and adds, “—I guess.”
He doesn’t get it. “You?”
The look Derek gives him is disbelieving. “You.”
Chris shakes his head to clear it. He feels—strange. Uneasy. His throat hurts. “You really do have amazing hearing." 
Now Derek’s expression turns spooked, which does nothing for Chris’s unease. "You were shouting.”
“Oh,” Chris says faintly. He can’t remember what he was dreaming about, but it must have been bad: he feels a sense of loss so profound it’s a wonder he can’t reach out and touch it.
Derek adds, “Now you’re crying.”
A chill of dread creeps up Chris’s spine. “I’m what?”
He raises a hand to his face, and sure enough, his fingertips come away wet. They begin to tremble as he looks down at them.
Since Chris isn’t keeping his pistol under his mattress at Derek’s like he’s used to doing, he keeps it on the bedside chair next to his phone instead. His father never kept himself far from a weapon, and he taught his children that lesson, too: always be armed, always be ready, because you are never safe—not even in your sleep. 
Chris had Allison abducted while she was at a gas station to begin her training as a hunter, and at the time he thought he was being kind. Better than being taken while she was sleeping, from her own home, her own bed, like Chris was. He was barely into his teens that first night, and two of Gerard’s men dragged him out to their car barefoot and shirtless with eight inches of snow on the ground. Chris has kept a weapon closeby ever since—tucked into his waistband, hidden in his jacket, shut inside the glove compartment, and yes, slid under his mattress, too. And he developed a habit even his father never had: instead of carrying a single pistol, he always carries two. 
And every single morning, as he has in all the years since, he checks his gun. He completely unloads and reloads it, makes sure it’s clean and in working order, and that it’s ready to be fired—should the need arise. 
Every morning except this one.
Maybe it’s because he couldn’t bring himself to eat very much of his dinner, or maybe because it’s such a cold morning and Derek’s loft is poorly insulated. Maybe it’s because he kept himself and Derek up all night, waking several times after the first, always shouting but not always so lucky to be able to forget his dreams. But for whatever reason, he woke this morning with his hands trembling, and he can’t get them to stop. 
He can’t get the bullets back in the magazine.
Three times he drops the bullets onto the chair; the fourth attempt and two of them roll off onto the floor. Chris curses and in a fit of rage hurls the damn thing across the room, sending it clattering over the floor.
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kaialone · 7 years
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Yokai Watch Translation: Grubsnitch Hide-and-Seek
(Masterpost for my Yokai Watch translations can be found here)
This is not gonna be like my usual translations or comparisons, it’s more like showing off something that I feel is kinda cool, but not many people know about it, from what I’ve seen?
In the first Yokai Watch game, if you reach Gargaros/Aka Oni’s gate without having done enough quests to satisfy him, he will drop the player into Hungerpass, where they’ll have to play a game of hide-and-seek with a Grubsnitch/Tsumamiguinosuke in order to get out.
The key point being “a” Grubsnitch/Tsumamiguinosuke.
What makes this optional sidequest so interesting to me is that it unambigiously shows that there can be multiple individuals of the same yokai “species”, with different names, personalities, genders, and whatnot. In this case, mutiple Grubsnitches/Tsumamiguinosuke.
So for this, I just wanted to show this off, maybe make more people aware it even exists? And I’m translating the Japanese version cause that is the original version.
Head under the cut for more!
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This is not gonna be a complete translation of the entire quest, just the dialouge with the main yokai you gotta find, and some of the stuff the other ones say.
The other ones are there to give you hints of where the one you’re searching is, so they have multiple things to say depending on where he is, and I can’t go over all of those, so for these guys I will merely translate their introduction lines, and note that the directions they give will naturally vary depending on when you speak to them, just so we’re clear on this.
(Also note that for this one I’m just gonna be using the Japanese names for simplicity’s sake.)
You can watch this quest in Japanese here. And if you’d like to compare with the English version for yourself, that can be found here.
So, without further ado, let’s begin with the actual translations.
Bolded is original Japanese; for reference and in case someone who is better at Japanese reads this, and feels like correcting something.
Bolded and italicized is my translation.
(Number) Indicates I got a specific comment to make on that part in the translation notes.
Please keep in mind that I’m a beginner when it comes to Japanese, so it’s possible that I make mistakes, too.
Getting challenged to Hide-and-Seek:
Tsumaminbō: おおぅ? こんなところに人間が来るとは めずらしいやん! Ohh? It's rare for a human to come here! (1)
Tsumaminbō: どうせ たのみごとをしてなくて 赤鬼に落とされて来たんやろ? I guess you didn't do any quests, and got dropped here by Aka Oni?
Tsumaminbō: まぁ たのみごととかメンドくさいしな。 わからんでもないで〜 その��持ち! Well, quests are such a pain, I feel you there!
Tsumaminbō: で ここから帰ろうとしてるん? それはアカンな〜 タダでは通らせんで。 So, you're gonna leave? That's not gonna happen, you can't pass just like that.
Tsumaminbō: とはいえ たのみごとギライのお前に 何も頼めそうにないしな…。 Though, I can't really request anything from a quest-hater like you...
Tsumaminbō: ほな かんれんぼでもしよか? オレがかくれるから オマエは鬼な! So, how about hide-and-seek? I'm gonna hide, so you're the oni! (2)
Tsumaminbō: ここで 鬼とか言うとややこしいけど オマエが オレを見つける鬼なっ! Talking about oni is a tad confusing here, but you're the oni that's gonna look for me!
Tsumaminbō: オレを見つけたら ここ通ってエエから! If you find me, you can leave this place! (3)
Kēta: ええっ! かくれんぼ することになっちゃったよ…。 Huh? I'm just supposed to play hide-and-seek now...?
Whisper: ドンドン話を進めてきましたね! ここは付き合うしかなさそうですね。 He sure keeps on talking! It seems you will have to keep him company for now.
Tsumaminbō: ほな めっちゃかくれるで〜! ソイヤー!! So, I'm totally gonna hide! Hahhh!!
Notes:
This guy’s name Tsumaminbō, just like Tsumamiguinosuke, is derived from つまみ食い/tsumamigui, which refers to snitching food before the actual meal starts, or eating with your fingers. And “-bō” is a masculine name suffix. In the English version he is known as Grubsnatch.
In Japanese, in games like hide-and-seek or tag, the one who is “it”, is called an “oni”, and pretends to be one, chasing the other kids.
Tsumaminbō  uses the personal pronoun オレ/Ore to refer to himself, which is informal and masculine.
--
Tsumamicchi: ん? なんだ?  おれは つまみんぼーじゃねぇ つまみっちだよ。 Hm? What? I'm not Tsumaminbō, I'm Tsumamicchi. (1)
Tsumamicchi: あ。 まさか つまみんぼーに かくれんぼ いどまれちゃった系? Ah. Don't tell me, did Tsumaminbō challenge you to hide-and-seek?
Tsumamicchi: いくらあいつでも こんな近くに隠れないだろ〜。 I wonder if he would actually hide this close, tough.
Tsumamicchi: まあ 付き合ってやってよ…。 大変だと思うけどさぁ〜。 Well, you'll have to keep him company... That'll probably be tough for you.
Notes:
Tsumamicchi is derived from つまみ食い/tsumamigui as well, with the somewhat cutesy name suffix “-cchi” added. His first-person pronoun is おれ/Ore, too. In the English version he is known as Grubs.
--
Guisuke: おれは ぐいすけ。 つまみんぼーじゃねえよ。 I'm Guisuke. I'm not Tsumaminbō. (1)
Guisuke: つまみんぼーなら ここの道を上のほうに 行ったのを見たぜ〜。 I did see Tsumaminbō go along this way, though.
Notes:
Guisuke is derived from 食い/gui, which means to eat, and the masculine name suffix “-suke”. It’s likely also a contraction of Tsumamiguinosuke. His first-person pronoun is おれ/Ore, too. In the English version he is known as Snitcher.
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Tsumakichi: おれは つまきちだよー! I'm Tsumakichi! (1)
Tsumakichi: つまみんぼーなら この先に いるんじゃねぇか〜い? Didn't Tsumaminbō go this way here?
Notes:
Tsumakichi is derived from つまみ食い/tsumamigui as well, with the masculine name suffix “-kichi” added. His first-person pronoun is おれ/Ore, too. In the English version he is known as Gruber.
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Tsumappī: つまっぴー申します。 つまみんぼーではありません。 I am called Tsumappī. I am not Tsumaminbō. (1)
Tsumappī: ちなみに… Moreover...
Tsumappī: つまみんぼーは見ていません。 I have not seen Tsumaminbō.
otes:
Tsumappī is derived from つまみ食い/tsumamigui as well, with the name suffix “-ppī” added. Compared to the other ones, he has a rather formal polite speaking-style. In the English version he is known as Grubbadub.
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Tsumako: 何? 私がつまみんぼーじゃなうかって? What? Am I Tsumaminbō? (1)
Tsumako: そんなわけないでしょ! あいつは男。 私は女よ! Of course I'm not! He's a boy. I'm a girl!
Tsumako: そこ まちがえるなんてありえる!? 失礼しちゃうわね! How could you confuse us!? So rude!
Tsumako: で…? なんの用だっけ? So...? What do you want?
Tsumako: つまみんぼーはみてないけどさ。 I haven't seen Tsumaminbō, you know.
Tsumako: こっちのケーキから あいつの うるさい 声がきこえてきたわよ。 I can hear his annoying voice coming from that cake there.
Tsumako: そのへんにいるんじゃないの〜? I wonder if he's over there?
Note:
Tsumako is derived from つまみ食い/tsumamigui as well, with the feminine name suffix “-ko” added. Her first-person pronoun is 私 /Watashi, which is formal and gender-neutral, though it’s somehwat a “default” pronoun for women, especially in fiction. She also has a more feminine speaking-style than the others. In the English version she is known as Grubbi.
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Otsumamitarō: うわ〜 みつかった〜! Wahh! You found me!
Otsumamitarō: なーんてな。 おれは あおつまみ太郎。 つまみんぼーじゃねえよ。 Just kidding. I'm Otsumamitarō. Not Tsumaminbō. (1)
Otsumamitarō: こんな意味深なところに立ってるから とっきり正解だと 思っただろ? Did you think I'd definitely be the right one, cause I'm standing in such important place?
Otsumamitarō: だははー。 まあせっかく来てくれたしヒントやるよ! Dahaha. Well, since you've come this far, I'll give you a hint!
Otsumamitarō: つまみんぼーはこのへんで見たぞ! 近くをさがしてみろよ! I saw Tsumaminbō around here! Try looking for him closeby!
Note:
Otsumamitarō is derived from つまみ食い/tsumamigui as well, with the name prefix “O-” and the masculine name suffix “-tarō” added. His first-person pronoun is おれ/Ore, too. In the English version he is known as Noshtake.
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Tsumaminbē: そうだよ おいらは つまみんべーだよ! Yeah, I'm Tsumaminbē! (1)
Tsumaminbē: って あれ? なんだ さがしてるのは つまみんぼーか。 Huh, what? Oh, you're looking for Tsumaminbō?
Tsumaminbē: つまみんぼーなら さっきそのへんにいたような…。 In that case, I think Tsumaminbō is definitely around here somewhere...
Note:
Tsumaminbē is derived from つまみ食い/tsumamigui as well, with the name suffix “-bē” added. It also sounds very similar to Tsumaminbō hence him being confused here for a second. His first-person pronoun is おいら/Oira, which is a corruption of Ore, associated with “hick” characters, though at least in fiction it’s also used as a general more lax, casual version of it, from what I can tell. In the English version he is known as Grubsnorch.
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Kuidaorenosuke: こんな ケーキ食べきれないよ…。 じゅる…。 I can't finish this cake... *Drool*...
Kuidaorenosuke: って ん? 何? ぼくが つまみんぼーじゃないかって? Hmm, oh? What? Am I Tsumaminbō? (1)
Kuidaorenosuke: ぼくは あいつみたいに ごそこそ つまみ食いしないよ〜。 I don't snitch my food all sneaky like he does. (2)
Kuidaorenosuke: 食べるなら 大きな口で どうどうと食べないとね! When you eat, you got to open your mouth wide, and eat with dignity!
Kuidaorenosuke: あ。 これで つまみんぼーを さがしてるんだっけ? Ah. Are you looking for Tsumaminbō?
Kuidaorenosuke: あいつのことは見てないよ〜。 このへんにはないと思うなぁ〜。 I haven't seen him. I don't think he went this way.
Notes:
Kuidaorenosuke is derived from 食い倒れ/kuidaore, which basically means “to eat oneself into financial ruin”, “to eat oneself out of house and home”, and the masculine name suffix “-suke”. It’s also similar to  Tsumamiguinosuke. His first-person pronoun is ぼく/Boku, which is informal and masculine, but less informal and more soft-spoken than Ore. In the English version he is known as Grubbersnitch.
Considering the different translations of つまみ食い/tsumamigui, this bit could also mean “I don’t eat with my fingers like he does”, which would make sense considering he then describes how to eat with dignity.
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Finding him the first time:
Tsumaminbō: まだまだ 始まったばっかりやで〜! ソイヤー!! We're only getting started now! Hahhh!!
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Finding him the second time:
Tsumaminbō: おっと 次はこっちやで〜! ソイヤー!! Whoops, next time I'll go this way! Hahhh!!
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Finding him the third time:
Tsumaminbō: うそっ! めっちゃかくれたつもりやのに! ソイヤー!! No way! And I hid so well, too! Hahhh!!
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Finding him the fourth time:
Tsumaminbō: ベローーーン ベローーーン! 食べてる場合やなかったな…。 Slurrrrp, slurrrrp! I guess this wasn't the time for eating...
Tsumaminbō: ほな いくで〜! ソイヤー!! So, here I go! Hahhh!!
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Finding him the fifth time:
Tsumaminbō: ハぁ… ハぁ… ちょい一休み。 ソイヤー!! *Pant*... *Pant*... Just a quick break. Hahhh!!
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Finding him the sixth time:
Tsumaminbō: もうアカン 疲れた…。 ワイの負けや。 鬼のオマエ買っちゃ! I'm so tired... I lose. You, the oni, win!
Tsumaminbō: ほな あっちで待ってるで! ソイヤー!! So, I'll wait for you over there! Hahhh!!
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Meeting up with him at the exit:
Tsumaminbō: オマエ すごいな! さすが 妖魔界まで来ただけあるなっ! You're awesome! Well, you gotta be if you even made it to the Yōmakai!
Tsumaminbō: ほな ここ通っていってエエで〜 気をつけてなっ! So, you can pass through here now! Be careful!
--
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mobius2684 · 7 years
Text
Not so quick rundown of what I have been up to
Basically why I haven’t been doing much in the posting/content department, broken down by month. For the tl;dr crowd: skip the october 2016 entry unless you want to read about some drama, the rest of it has just been my adventures with unemployment and how it has affected me for the past 8 months.
July 2016: This month I had lost my job of 8 years due to the company completely closing nationwide. First time ever filing for unemployment as I wasn’t able to find another job in 3 months since said company announced their closures on April 1st of the same year. Was really upset with the store closing as I really was starting to feel like I had a job that I was decent at, had met some great people working there both employee and customer, and now I wouldn’t really have a chance to interact with them as much. Went to San Diego comic con as I had purchased tickets well in advance. Didn’t get to do most of what was on my list of things to do there, but did get to have a personalized sketch done by Yoji Shinkawa as well as sit in on a small q&a session with Hideo Kojima.
August 2016: With unemployment filed and completed, I was looking for all sorts of work. I collected a lot of possible work via etsy with requests for new destiny cloaks as well as preparing for the halloween season for my goddaughters’ costumes as they live in another state than me. End of the month I ended up with a job offer from the lady who works at the storage unit I rent from. The lady had injured herself at the end of the month by fracturing her right arm in 2 places, making it unbearable to do any of her bookkeeping tasks, and asked if I would like to help her with. I said yes as she’s 73 years old and nobody should have to deal with working through that kind of pain.
September 2016: I started to work for the storage unit place the day after labor day. It was an easy job, just somewhat boring as it was a fairly archaic setup. All bookkeeping was done by hand, including receipts, ledgers, etc. Only the key card system for the gate was done via a computer program. This job was to be temporary while she healed. When she was well enough to work, I would be let go as its a one person operation. Also to note, most storage unit places typically have a home/condo/apartment built into the office, as there is someone always on the premises. This was the case with this place, so I was able to take care of her in the beginning as well as do the tasks at hand. This was also a full time job.
 I started to get a bunch of early etsy orders for the holiday season as well as for halloween, so on top of having a full time job, I had to also work my etsy part time on top of the halloween costumes for my goddaughters. I had an old acquaintance contact me out of the blue around this time as well, where she told me that she was planning on visiting close to me to see some friends she met while playing Destiny. At the time I was happy for her and excited as I hadn’t seen her physically in about 10 years and figured this might be a great trip for her to show her around my hometown and the surrounding area and just catch up. More on her in October. Finished this month with a very last minute run to see Carpenter Brut in concert. Literally found out about the concert 2 hours before they went on so drove as quickly as I could to DNA lounge. Definitely was worth it, excellent show all around.
October 2016: This one is a long one. Skip to November if you don’t want an essay about old acquaintance. I’m needed for another month to work at the storage unit place. I have had to help her with things that I was not prepared for, mainly of the medical type. She is diabetic and has survived both lung cancer and colon cancer. I am becoming more of her in-home care person on top of taking care of the expected duties of the job, which was starting to put a strain on things as I would simply work my 8 hours a day for 6 days a week, most of that was taking care of her, going home, taking care of my grandparents, and sewing and working on etsy until I needed to sleep, rinse, repeat. I get the goddaughters costumes made and out to them, they love them, as well as another friend of mine wanted me to make matching dad and son costumes for his son’s first halloween.
 Made his son a pikachu costume and Dad an Ash jacket. Also near the end of this month I got to see Magic Sword in concert. It was a bit of a bummer as the venue was ill-equipped to handle a show like theirs so we didn’t get the whole experience with the lights and background, on top of the fact that the sound guy was doing a lousy job so they didn’t come out for an encore and simply stopped playing halfway through “In the face of Evil”. Hoping that they’ll come out to SF again or somewhere closeby so I can see a full show. *skip to november 2016 to avoid massive drama backstory essay
 Middle of the month is when my old friend was due to come out to visit. A little background on said friend: I met her back in 2005 when I was just starting to get into cosplay. We would chat about similar interests as well as cosplay related things, despite there being an age difference of about 6-7 years. She’s had a few hardships in 2006 that was of her own doing which led her down a path of co-dependence on others as well as manipulation and always playing the victim. Our communication was spotty, her only surfacing when she felt like it, always to unload her stories of woe and hardship.
 I had tried to help her on several occasions as best as I could despite being several states away. I’d send care packages when I could afford to, mainly of food as she would talk about not having money for it, work screwing her out of hours, etc. I would also send old clothes as she lived in a much colder part of the country now and she was ill prepared for the winter in her state. I had commissioned her for a costume just to help her pay bills despite said commission being extremely late for the event it was needed for, and practically unwearable due to poor construction. I had sent her money when she was in between relationships and had no job. Simply put, I was there for her as much as I could be, but she wasn’t really reciprocating that over the years and at the time I wasn’t really able to see it.
Fast forward to the week she is coming out here. She fails to tell me that her friend that she is visiting is more of a romantic interest. She’s in a 3 year relationship with a guy she’s living with. She has also been talking with another guy who she plays Destiny with in a romantic way, so basically she’s got 2 possible love interests and a boyfriend at home that she doesn’t want to work things out with, but also doesn’t want to break up with just yet as if she does then she won’t have a place to live. Trying not to judge but also not really liking said situation as its pretty scummy of her. The weekend before her trip, said friend she’s supposed to be visiting with for a week upsets her majorly and is now not a possible romantic connection in her mind, but is not known by him as she doesn’t tell him that she’s upset with him because she’s now too invested in this trip.
She comes out here and gets to stay with him at his parents place. She has a list of things she wants to do while out here, but wants to do them in a certain order so she has money for said things. Understandable, but makes it a bit difficult as she expects both myself and her host to take her places and keep her entertained. A lot of suggestions get shot down as she doesn’t like doing said things, but has to realize that there aren’t many free things to do during the weekdays. She gets increasingly frustrated by her host and his family for doing the most mundane things despite letting her stay there for free as well as feeding her, considering she is in the heart of wine country as well as the heart of dubious airbnb country where they could have easily charged her a premium for staying with them. She feels entitled to her friends money, as many times I would get a text from her complaining about him not paying for her part of their outing. She would also get upset with him when he would ask who she would be on the phone with, as she was in contact with said other guy who she liked from Destiny. This would irritate me as I felt as if she was ungrateful and somewhat disrespectful, on top of the fact that I was juggling a full time job, my etsy as a part time job, and taking care of both my grandparents and this lady at the storage unit.
 I take her out to SF so we can catch up and just have some girl time, despite really not having the time to do so, on top of it being an extremely busy weekend in SF as fleet week was happening. She didn’t really talk much with me on the trip unless it was to complain about her friend and to tell me how excited she was to talk with the new guy she liked. I would try to talk about what’s been going on with my life, only to be met with segues into something else completely different or just changing the subject. Not a lot of catching up, she spent a good chunk of her money on items for herself as to be expected, with snide remarks on how nobody really gets her gifts. This kinda pissed me off as I had spent at least 2 weeks on a knitted scarf for her as well as a small messenger bag that I sewed for her for this trip. I take her back to her friends parents place and go home.
 A few days after our outing, my grandpa had a stroke episode while I was home on my lunch break that scared both myself and my grandma. Had to rush him to the ER, had to contact work and let her know what’s going on and why I’m not back, work was supportive and just closed up early for the day for me as I wasn’t sure how long we would be in the ER. I’m getting texts from my friend of her complaining that this guy wasn’t paying for her outing once again. I simply texted her back stating “I am at the ER right now with my grandpa and grandma, grandpa had a stroke episode and we’re trying to see how severe it is”. I get no reply back from her for 2 hours. I simply chalk it up to her being busy, or one of us being in a dead zone or whatever. I didn’t have time to worry about that as I was worried about the condition my grandpa was in and just keeping my grandma calm. Thankfully it was a mild stroke, no major issues. We were at the hospital for 7 hours.
 I get my grandparents back home, call work to let her know how my grandpa is doing and that I will be in tomorrow for work. Said friend texts me to complain about how crummy her trip to the aquarium went. At this point, tensions were high, but I simply sent her a message saying “I’m guessing you didn’t receive my last message that said that I was in the ER with my grandpa who had a mild stroke. I had been in the ER for about 7 hours now”. Her response was “no”. Now, if you’ve made it this far into reading this whole thing, first off thank you and congrats. Secondly, you’re probably wondering “why does this whole mini essay about this chick matter?” or something to that extent. Well I don’t know about you good people here, but normally if a friend or loved one or just someone you kinda sorta know states that they were in the ER, and they don’t work in the medical field, most people’s reactions would be “what happened?”, “is everything ok?”, “are you ok?”, “is X person ok?”, etc. ad nauseum. There was no concern shown from her. NONE. No call to see if everything is ok, no text to ask if everything is ok, NOT A GODDAMN THING.
 Why is that such a big deal? Offering compassion does not cost you a damn dime. All I wanted from her was a simple act of compassion. I had not asked for much from her over the time we had been friends. Just the one time I really could use it, its just lost on her. She continues to text me to ask me if we’re still going to hang out before she leaves. I’m just left in just disbelief at the whole thing. I don’t really text her after that, stating I’m busy. She’s constantly bugging me about this, all while I’m telling her that I have family issues to tend to. I finally agree to see her again, despite wanting to rip her head off. I meet with her and the guy, and I simply tell them in person what’s going on and what happened at the ER. Her friend offered concern, all while she’s sitting there stuffing her face and changing the subject. I ask for the bag that she borrowed from me from our previous trip out, she gives it to me and I make an excuse to leave early. She still isn’t getting it, so I ask for her friends’ number. I say my goodbyes and she states that she wants to visit again sometime.
 The day she’s leaving, after she’s on the plane, I text the guy she’s been staying with. I tell him during this whole trip that she essentially used him, complained about him and his family the whole time to me, that the person she was being all secretive about on the phone was some guy she likes better than you, and that she’s in a relationship with someone back home and has been with said guy for 3 years and lives with him. He was not happy about this and rightfully so as he liked her. This of course led to them both arguing, and her contacting me via text about this and why I did it. I completely ignored everything. I felt that I owed her nothing after all of this. Her last message to me was “cool beans. we don’t have to be normal about it. But thanks for betraying my confidence and trust in the first place. You’re a shit friend and I hope you’re happy with yourself. Thanks for throwing our decade long friendship out the window”. She then proceeded to remove me from facebook and any other social media that we shared.
Am I really a shit friend? Am I really a horrible person for doing these things? Did I have to do what I did? Was it worth it? I will let you draw your own conclusions as yes I know that I didn’t have to do what I did and I could have been the one who takes the high road on this, but when you’re under a lot of stress due to work and deadlines and family issues, you tend to do shitty things. I grappled with the whole thing and felt awful for doing what I did, but at the same time I felt that no amount of talking would really get through to her about how much damage had been done. In some senses I do feel like a major weight was lifted from my shoulders as I really didn’t want to have a friend who didn’t understand basic concern for others.
November 2016: Still working at the storage unit place. The lady I’m working for has not been healing well due to not listening to her doctors orders. The maintenance man that the owner hired for the place injures himself horrifically, with what I assume his shin bone is jutting out of his skin. He tells us that he slipped down a ladder and that was about it. He’s rushed to the ER by ambulance. The owner then gets his son-in-law to work for him as maintenance man to replace the injured one. Son-in-law decides to have me start on a project for him, that requires me to make an excel spreadsheet of all the tenants who rent at the storage unit with all their info.
He tells me that the owner needs this info in digital form for insurance purposes and I agree to it since it does make sense, but it detracts from my other duties with caring for the lady I’m working for as well as the other office duties. I do this anyways as it seems like they might actually change the setup there so that its not all hand-written and a bit easier to keep track of as well as back up. Etsy orders are flooding in for the early holiday rush and I’m trying to keep on top of it all.
This marks the first thanksgiving where we don’t celebrate together as a family. My grandma simply just didn’t want to put up with all the fuss, my Mom and my nephew ended up going to Las Vegas for a football championship game for my nephew as he’s been in little league football all through the fall and his team had done really well and made it to the championship game. I couldn’t go with them as I had to watch the farm, as my Mom is a caretaker of a small school district owned farm and the animals need to eat everyday. My Uncle and Aunt both work demanding jobs that they aren’t able to get many days off so they weren’t able to come down for the holidays. My brother went up to his girlfriends parents place, so it was a bit odd and slightly depressing.
Only weird highlight was that I had a short convo with Dennis Wedin on instagram and I mentioned that I hope to send him and Jonatan some little handmade gifts when I get the chance to make them.
December 2016: Still working at the storage unit place. I end up getting sick near the beginning of the month with a cold/flu. I work through it like normal, just making sure to prepare myself as best as I can at work with plenty of fluids, a blanket, a heater, meds, tissue, etc.
 This time it gets interesting.  Storage unit place also houses cars, trucks, and RV parking spaces. Plenty of people rent these spaces, including one guy who states that he has an old Porsche and its been back there for 10+ years. He’s hoping to restore it for his kids despite none of them being super interested in it. Well with said spreadsheet work, I’m finding a ton of discrepancies as to whom is actually in the units and spaces that they say they are. Lots of calls have to be made, lots of running through the lot to check what is where, etc. Porsche guy is one of those discrepancies, and we ask for him to come down and confirm which space he’s in.
 Well apparently his Porsche is missing as it is nowhere to be found on the lot. He has his sister come down with him and she’s yelling at me and the lady I’m working for, accusing us of stealing his car. The sister then calls the cops to come down and question us. Now there’s no way in hell I or the old lady I’m working for has stolen his car. For one, I had no clue what he had until November when he came to pay his bill. For two, most of the cars that are stored at this particular storage unit place are not in running condition, his included. He had stated this back in November that it doesn’t run and needed a ton of work on it.
 One cop accuses myself and the old lady as well, despite what they need to do is run the VIN, and look at the records at the DMV as to who it had been registered to. For three, the Porsche guy hadn’t even checked on his car ever since he had parked it here for 10 years. No “hey I’ve been paying for this for 10+ years and if its so important to me I should at least check on it”. The guy hadn’t non-opted his vehicle and simply stopped paying any sort of registration on the vehicle. So now I’m a week away from christmas, still sick with whatever super cold/flu that is going around, I’ve been stressed due to busting my ass on getting etsy orders out in time for christmas, working 6 days a week in the office, and now I’m being accused of grand theft auto.
 After the cops finally decide to actually do some investigating, they found out that the car had been stolen in May 2012. Someone towed it off the lot that also rents at the storage unit, hence why they had access to the lot. Since he had rented the spot so long ago, the old lady didn’t remember or even know what he had back there. Since he hadn’t registered it in so long, the person who stole it got some sort of lein title for the car and fixed it to running condition as someone about 500 miles away is driving it around.
Christmas was rather uneventful as I was finally better from being sick and was trying to relax from everything. Got things for my mom and her bf as well as something for my nephew and a few friends of mine. For my birthday I went and watched Moana with my Mom. Ended up sick again as the next day I ended up throwing up. Whether it was the food or just round 2 of super cold/flu, I didn’t know but didn’t really care as I wanted it to be gone. Didn’t do much of anything for new years as I worked and so did a bunch of my friends, top it off with still being sick and not wanting to be around people and spread it around.
 If you’ve made it to the end of this, I truly do thank you as it was a long bunch of bullshit that you honestly didn’t have to read and I could have summed up a lot shorter but didn’t. I hope you enjoyed this small peak into my life. I will eventually update this with January 2017 and February 2017 or just simply make a second post if anyone cares to see the rest of this out. Thanks again.
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cadams0950-blog · 7 years
Text
Contract: A Warlock in the Mountains
The stranger was unlike anything the townspeople had ever seen, though not unlike anything they’d ever heard of. As he hadn’t taken a gryphon nor walked with any manner of riding beast, he must have walked or ran, though a bead of sweat was not visible on him, to the town of Lakeshire from Stormwind. If there had been a single thing that the villagers shared with the stranger, they might have had some form of comfort deep in their brains but absolutely nothing was to be recognized as normal.
The man’s outer appearance was unsettling to say the least. Not only was he an elf, standing two hands taller than any man with his silver skin and stark-white hair despite showing no real age on his features, but he was a Demon Hunter.
The title felt like poison on the tongues of the men and women who watched him striding towards the town, whispering in secret disgust. Because of his affliction, the elf didn’t appear natural, nor did the people of Lakeshire feel the need to treat him as such. He wore a thick cloth blindfold over his eyes, thick enough to hide any light of the green flame within his sockets. Horns like that of a large bull protruded from behind his hairline, ending in pointed tips that seemed to be stained a greenish color. He wore only black and red leather pants, boots, and gloves for clothing on his person, his black demonic tattoos able to show in full view. A massive sword was sheathed across his back, and a black leather backpack lay on his back, strapped diagonally across his chest. Not even the way he walked was the same, his footsteps making no noticeable sound. The elf knew he wouldn’t be received well here, as in most settlements of any kind, but he was numb to the ignorance of worldly people by now… nevertheless, he had his mission.
He walked to the tavern of the town, striding past the gawkers and glares of the people. He sat himself at the end of the bar, with one man on the other side. “Brandy,” he said in a smooth baritone that had wooed women from their seats before his change. He placed down payment for the drink and bartender, silent and glaring like the rest of the town, prepared his drink with the rough efficiency of someone doing their job and nothing more. The elf took a swallow of his drink and nodded to himself. He liked the liquors of man and dwarf, though his heightened senses did make him crinkle his nose a bit at the taste. After a moment, the elf spoke. He was not loud and had no emotion in his voice to draw attention, nevertheless his voice carried through the bar, which had grown quiet since his entrance. “I have a contract on the warlock in the mountains giving you trouble. If anyone has information about the sorcerer, come forward and speak.”
For a long moment, no one spoke, no one even moved. Then a young man, maybe seventeen, rose and walked towards the bar. The elf had used his enhanced senses upon his entrance, looking upon every person to seek for dark magic or demonic illusions. Though he found none, the one approaching him had traces of a curse on this one’s leg, healed but already having done damage. A witness, or at least a victim. The elf turned around in his seat and for the first time upon entering the town, the elf allowed his spectral sight to weaken, no longer having his vision be a whirl of energies that he long ago learned to decipher, instead he saw as he did before his eyes were gouged. The boy was blonde, but far from fair. He had a rugged look of a farmer, and the calluses on the boy’s hands confirmed that. He smiled a bit at the boy’s brave face, which melted away upon seeing the fangs in the elf’s smile, though he kept walked forward.
“The warlock were an orc. Skin were so dark was almost black. Horrible red eyes too.” The elf held back a sigh. The boy was terrified, and likely wasn’t going to be any help. Nevertheless, he was probably one of the only survivors, and the only one with the confidence to approach him.
“Aye. Orcs tend to be that way. There are a few things I need to ask you, alright?” The boy gave the barest of nods. “Where is the warlock hiding?”
The boy took a deep breath. “He’s hiding in the mountains in this spot called the semp-olker. Lots o’ bad things like to hide in that place, I tell ya’.”
The elf furrowed his brows. “A sepulcher in redridge?....” After a moment he shook his head and  continued, “Okay. Mark it on this map, and thank you for your cooperation.” The boy put a small ‘X’ on a spot in the mountains and, without another word, the elf took down the rest of his drink and walked out of the establishment with map in hand.
Varillion was glad to be out of the town, and glad to find a living witness. The magic of the curse would prove to be a scent he could somewhat track, at least to right set of mountains-- the whole place was nothing but mountainous, how was he supposed to go to ‘the mountains’ to look for it! Once he got his bearings higher up, he used the map to continue towards the marked area. He didn’t like the landscape, but not because of the climate or the bareness of it. There was something nagging at him, and he couldn’t put his finger on it until…. Ah… Nothing has attacked him, no. Nothing has even been visible. No beasts, or monsters, though he could sense the bugs in the ground. It was too quiet though, and this lent him great unease. When he got to the area, he understood the name the boy gave it.
He doubted anyone had ever built a crypt or sepulcher in Redridge, as it was only done in swampy marshes where normal graves didn’t hold, or for great heroes, or for large family lines. Nevertheless, there was the sight of cut, quarried stone in the side of one of the mountains, the kind of stone that one brings from a far ways off to built something that will last. A closer examination showed Varillion that this was some sort of an old fort. Very old, and the dirt piles at the sides of the entrance told him that whoever this orc was, he was looking for something with only the knowledge of where an old fort used to be. The thought unsettled him further, but he sensed the source of the boy’s curse in the fort, and so he continued inside.
Buried under piles of dirt, and built into a mountain, the place sustained no sort of vegetation from the years of inactivity. Webs were presents only from long-dead spiders. The air was musty, but breathable after having been opened for… less than a month, he guessed. Skeletons, long since dried out and covered in dirt, littered the floor. They were short, stout, and hard-headed. Dwarves, no doubt, but dwarves hadn’t lived in these parts of the world for a long time. Before Stormwind’s first days at least.
Varillion continued through the hallways, stopping only when he heard a muttering. It sounded orcish, and much like a chant of some kind. He moved to continue, but felt something prickling in the side of his awareness. Looking up, he saw runes lining the ceiling like a gate. A quick glance-over told him it was an alarm spell, one that would make the warlock aware of anyone who passed the threshold. He could disarm it, at risk of rising the warlock’s awareness, but Varillion was a mage long before he was a Demon Hunter, and he knew how to circumvent it. He breathed out deeply once, twice, then on the third exhale he felt himself go cold and numb. His body was now covered in an illusion that masked not only his magic, not only his vital signs, but any form of visible existence. It strained him, but he prided himself on this level of invisibility. Without an issue, he walked through the gate, undisturbed by his passing.
The chanting, come from within a doorway closeby, got progressively louder. Varillion recognized it as a chant to build power. From the power he currently felt in the air, he’d guessed that the warlock had been chanting for the entire day. For what purpose, he didn’t know. Glancing at the doorway, he saw it lead to the basement. The wooden stairs had long since rotted away, but a rope-ladder hang there. Varillion didn’t need it. He dropped down to the basement floor, the air he moved with his drop being the old sound he created. But it was enough.
The orc stood quickly, turning around first in confusion, then in outrage, then in fear. Varillion had dropped his invisibility and now stood, fel energy lining his hands that lit up his profile. He wasn’t above a little bit of showmanship, having liked making a dramatic entrance every once and awhile. The orc wasn’t in the same sort of mood, anger building at having to waste all of his built energy. The orc’s right hand burst into a massive flame, easily the size of the orc himself, before the flames all imploded into a tiny green bead of energy that the orc held between his fingernails. “Begone, hunter, or I will gnaw on your bones come supper.” The orc spoke common, though it didn’t surprise Varillion. No weak mind could command the ability the orc had, though it obviously wasn’t a strong enough mind to resist corruption. What did surprise him was the orc’s fear. If he believed he could kill Varillion, he probably would have. But if he didn’t believe he could, he wouldn’t prepare a spell like this. What was he so afraid of?
“You’ve been terrorizing the humans, so no can do. I will give you one change to g---” Varillion stopped mid-sentence to lunge at the orc. He wasn’t the type to talk, but listening to speech can throw an enemy off, if he’s not careful. But the orc was smarter than that. Varillion was far too fast or agile for the orc to match him physically, and the hunter had lived knowing how to pick apart his kind, so he struck. From the bead in the orcs hand, a beam of condensed fel energy burst forth to catch the ever-closer hunter mid-air. The orc didn’t even see it done, but somewhere the elf had drawn the sword on his back, a massive thing unholdable to anyone that wasn’t an ogre or supernatural. The blade was dark iron, no longer shining from long years of use. Despite its size, it darted out and struck the ground beneath Varillion, redirection his momentum to the side. As quick as he was, he couldn’t avoid it hitting his left foot. His leather boot was practically incinerated and his skin has was covered in blisters where it touched, from barely a moment of contact. Finally Varillion realized he couldn’t waste any more time if he was going to survive this encounter. He tossed out three fist-sized stones covered in runes. Not having the keen senses of the hunter, he was unable to see the runes in the dark and assumed it was simply a blind throw to distract him, but he was wrong. When he fired his beam again, it hit a barrier that reflected the beam, hitting the ceiling above him. The quarried stone of the floor above tumbled down, crushing the orc’s body beneath the rubble.
Varillion breathed out a breath of relief and sheathed his sword, walking over between the rubble and the wall to where the orc’s shrine was. Dark symbols skittered the surface of the table, as did a book that Varillion sensed was inherently dark. He grabbed the book, placing it in his pack. As he left, he placed another runed stone down at the entrance of the old fort, creating an illusion of a closed, normal mountain. Walking back on the road to Strormwind he was deep in thought, a few questions repeating themselves in his mind. What was he up to? What was he afraid of? How did he know about such an old structure and why was it important? Maybe the book would tell him more...
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travellikestardust · 4 years
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So, only a few days ago I finally finished my final year in college. What is an achievement for anyone, was a particularly big deal to me, as not only did I nearly quit countless times, but I barely even thought I’d be alive at this point.
I do feel that my college experience was especially tumultuous, but maybe I am just being self-centered with that mindset. However, the past few days and weeks I have found myself reflecting on the past four years, and to that I felt that the best way to process each individual year would be to write about it.
Before college even began, I experienced one of the most, if not the most, traumatic thing in my life which was watching dad die. Not something I will get into now, if ever, but it’s not something I wish on anyone to see.
That really had a major impact on me and especially on my mental health, which I am still trying to process, nearly four years later. It was a turning point in my life. And in the midst of that, I was finishing the Leaving Cert, waiting on results and desperately not wanting to go to college in September.
As the weeks flew by, I struggled to leave my house without having some sort of a breakdown or panic attack. It was a very dark point in my life, and I really struggled with coping.
From there, I began college, which was by far as easy task for anyone. But bare in mind, I was having panic attacks on a very regular basis, and held back tears for a lot of that first year. I was also incredibly shy, but in saying all that, I did enjoy making our terrible little productions and learning all these new skills.
To help me get by, I began taking anti-depressants, and was seeing my doctor on a regular enough basis. I went to a therapist, I was seeing a psychiatrist on occassion. All of this was to help me get back on my feet. Which to a point, I did, but if we’re being honest, I am still trying to this day to be 100% okay again.
First year of college, I was vulnerable. I was shy. And I was afraid. Even just to send a message in our groupchat was taxing for me. My heart would race and I’d start overthinking every character of the message.
When I think back to that first year, I see a lot of grey. I was unhappy. But I persevered.
My smiling angel.
Towards the end of the year, I somehow managed to convince my mam that we should get a dog. Both of us needed something to brighten our darkness, and I still thoroughly believe it was our greatest decision.
When Emmers entered our life, she was anxious and afraid too. She had a trauma and had gone through a lot in her past year, much like us. It was and still is an absolute treasure to me to see her develop from being so scared and nervous, to becoming this genuine ray of light who licks away the tears when I cry. Or who cuddles into me to cheer me up. Who just wants someone to look after her, play with her, and show her that there’s not just bad out in the world.
I’ll never forget that day that we naively walked into Dog’s Trust’s rehoming centre in Finglas, and didn’t realise that our lives were about to be changed for the better.
As well as as Emmers, I also managed to meet some people who changed my life around aswell. Namely, Amelia and Andrew. Some of the sweetest people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, and are still my amazingly close friends of this day. So just a lil thank you to them for being so kind and wonderful!
The second year without Dad turned out to be ever more challenging, as I’ve learnt that the first is when your trying to come to terms with what has happened, and the second is when you realise that they’re actually gone. On top of this, my aunt also died and we were pretty damn close. So that hit me very hard.
I hated every second of college. It was as though I had gone backwards ten steps. I was back to not coping at all. Panic attacks, breakdowns, they had all become so part of the routine that I even found my own little spot in the college to cry and be alone. It was the one place I felt I was able to collect my thoughts and breathe again.
That year was definitely the darkest in my life. I felt thoroughly alone. I was anxious, depressed and suicidal. I still don’t understand how I managed to finish college that year. I was ready to drop out so many times. Thankfully, I had an understanding lecturer who was there for me, listened to me and encouraged me to stay.
Of course, I had good days too. I was lucky enough to travel to Amsterdam with my friend, Grace, as well as Brussels with Mam. Grace is the most enjoyable company, its so easy to feel relaxed around her. And then for me and mam, I think we just really need these little breakaways to enjoy eachothers company without the stress or memories around home. Looking back, I think I just needed some excuse to get away from college.
But in saying all that, I do also think a lot of my ‘happiness’ at the time was more so masking than anything else. While first year was grey, second year was pure blackness.
Unfortunately, I ended up to the point where Pieta House was involved. But, they were nothing short of amazing. My therapist there was outstanding and patient and kind. I still have his words ring through my mind when I find myself struggling again. I will never be able to thank him enough for all that he did for me.
Cliffs of Moher
The summer before third year was pretty wild in all fairness. Some of my family came over from Spain, which is probably when I’m at my most content. We went around Ireland, showing them, Glendalough, the Cliff’s of Moher, Galway, Dublin, and everywhere in between.
This summer there was a crazy heatwave and so thankfully for them we were able to show them how beautiful Ireland can be when it’s not covered in rain.
Inbetween travelling the country with them, I was also working four jobs. The local cinema, a promotions company, an online travel company, and as a ghost writer. All of this was to ensure I had enough money to travel for a month across Europe, through Interrail.
Unfortunately, another death of a close family member occurred, but I was determined to not be set backwards again.
We left to go travelling on the 29th of July, and I returned one month later on the 29th of August. What an experience! By far, this was one of the highlights of the past four years. We started in Paris, then went to Amsterdam, Berlin, Prague, Karków, Budapest, Split, and afterwards, I flew to Barcelona to spend a week with the family. It was just amazing. Something I will never forget, and that’s for sure.
By the time I was back in Ireland, third year of college had just rolled around. Although I had struggled so much the year prior, after enough deliberating, I decided to take this new year by the horns and move to the college’s town.
This was a pretty major feat seeing as at least when I was struggling the year prior, I was always able to at least go home and see Emmers. This year however, I was jumping straight into this enviroment. It was scary, especially for me to have so much extra time alone with my thoughts. But ultimately, I feel like it was the right decision.
For the first while, I was even living right around the corner from Amelia, which was amazing! She was a great support system to have so closeby, and I still cherish the evenings spent drinking wine and playing with her beautiful dog until all hours.
On set with Neil and our new friend for our third year music video!
In regards to my own course, I really tried to socialise as much as possible. Third year really sealed my friendship with Neil, who is one of the kindest souls. He was, and still is, my closest friend.
As tough going as I found it, I really did try to socialise as best as I could. And looking back, I do think I did a decent enough job at it. No matter how much I was dying on the inside, I always pushed myself to be more outgoing and personable. I think, in a retrospect, I would have to say that I am quite proud of myself, for persevering.
It was also in third year that I managed to truly reconnect with my best friend from our school days, Caoimhe. That was a comforting experience to bring back the familiarity and ease of our relationship along with the inside jokes that stem back to being fourteen years old again in some class that we didn’t care about, just wanting to have a laugh.
Third year was definitely different the the other two years as I really just wanted to finally experience college and not struggle. And to do that I pretty much decided to ignore my problems, which is probably (definitely!) not healthy, but one way or another, it seemed to work. I even stopped taking my anti-depressants towards the end of the year.
[Sidenote: never do what I did and just stop taking them. I ended up with the world spinning and a constant nausea for weeks as I didn’t wean myself off them. And from what I’ve learnt, they were lucky side effects, apparently it can be a lot worse.]
By the end of third year, I finally felt more at peace. For the first time in a long while.
For the summer before forth year, I mainly worked, but also made sure to spend as much time with my friends as possible.
Of course, to keep things on theme, there was yet another death in the family, which, once again, hit me hard. This time it was my close uncle, who not only looked a lot like dad, but also died of a similar illness just the week before his anniversary. And as it was Spain, in the midst of summer, I wasn’t able to get a flight to say goodbye. That hurt.
Thankfully I was surrounded by wonderful friends. Andrew who came over and brought me flowers the day it happened, and just chilled and watched crap with me while I was sad. Then, Amelia, who went to the effort of getting me a plain balloon and marker and bringing out to somewhere quiet, to let me write one last message to my uncle. Bare in mind, it was even her birthday! I was blessed.
I’m not sure if it was his death or what, but very shortly after it was as though a switch was flicked in my brain and I developed chronic insomnia. What made it even weirder, was the fact that up to this point, I was an incredibly sleepy person, who could have literally slept anywhere, anytime.
This had a major impact on my mental health. Absolutely no sleep for days and weeks on end was rough. I was back to crying and not being able to cope. My doctor ended up prescibing me anti-depressants again, but I couldn’t bring myself to take them. I refused to need them.
I felt particularly bad for Amelia who I ended up going away with at the time. Although it was a wonderful holiday, the lack of sleep meant I was short on energy, and was also tossing and turning throughout the nights, more than likely keeping her up, although she would deny it.
Similarly, I went to Spain at the end of August, and definitely kept my poor cousin up every other night.
Even though I had a lovely end to third year, I found myself stressing about the return to final year. I had moved into a new flat, that I liked quite a bit, and decided to give it a go. My motivation was that if I really wasn’t happy, I would just leave college, once and for all.
While those thoughts were floating through my mind, my grandad also wound up quite sick, and it was pretty not good there for a while. He was eventually put into a home, with the anticipation that he would be made comfortable, and that not much else could be done for him.
Grandad & I around November
BUT my strong lol grandad, made such a recovery! He was put into the home around late September/ early October, and he is still going! He is currently better than ever, being super well looked after in an amazing nursing home.
Now, as far as a year in education goes, it was fairly disasterous. A lecturer that we were supposed to have for two modules was on maternity leave, and her replacement cancelled the first few lectures we were supposed to have, before finally quitting. We never even met her. It was as though this was an omen for what was to come. Every week, we would all hope for a full week, but, ultimately, we were always let down. The first three months ended up having more cancelled classes than actual classes.
By the time we ended up having the lecturer replaced, and finally full weeks of classes, it was just about Christmas.
We broke away for the New Year, with the anticipation of a much improved new semester awaiting us.
As for Christmas break, my friends from school and I decided we were in desperate need of a group holiday, and so we planned a trip to Edinburgh for a few days. This was the loveliest little holiday! Hot chocolate, great food and nearly all of us got a new peircing! (Which, is a blog in itself!).
Now, although this was a wonderful memory, Christmas just gone also meant my best friend moving away, which was heartbreaking.
The group of us organised a surprise meal and drinks for Amelia before she left. But its definitely strange not having her so close by anymore.
When we finally got around to going back to college, it went surprisingly well at first. No cancelled classes, assignments weren’t crazy. All was good.
Until, of course, Covid-19 turned into a pandemic and the world pretty much shut down. But, of course, we all know about that.
As I currently stand, I am surprisingly sad to have finished college, especially in such extraordinary circumstances. I’m also excited to begin this new, hopefully brighter, chapter in my life.
Forth year was most definitely a blink and you miss it kind of experience. It was memorable though. I finally felt as though I was content.
Over the past few years, I have made lasting friendships with spectacular people, however I’ve lost friends some along the way, some are probably for the best, but others I miss dearly.
It’s been quite a journey. As I said at the beginning, I shocked I’m even here. It’s been remarkable.
Memorable for sure.
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College Days So, only a few days ago I finally finished my final year in college. What is an achievement for anyone, was a particularly big deal to me, as not only did I nearly quit countless times, but I barely even thought I'd be alive at this point.
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vtruq · 4 years
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My thoughts on “enough”
So last weeks post was on regular meditation. And by reading it, I wanted to add something. First of all, do not cramp to stick to your routines. Life sometimes gets in the way and sometimes I am just no feeling my routines that day. And that’s ok. If the “pain” is big enough I will start to do something about it. I guess this holds true for every area of life. Ryan Holiday says in his wonderful book “Stillness is the key”: “Nothing is enough for the man to whom enough is too little. Enough comes from within.” Meditation taught me that I will be a student for my whole life. It showed me that I am not capable of doing everything on my own and that I need to give responsibility to others. It thought me acceptance towards people or situations, awareness for feelings and of course appreciation. It is the key to success to stay open to new things and perspectives. To challenge my conclusions. To expand by letting my beliefs behind and seeing things from a different angle. The other days I asked myself what “enough” means for me personally. I sat down for a couple of minutes and actively tried to think about my 10-year goal. I recently started the book “Essentialism-The Disciplined Pursuit of Less”; one of the chapters talks about a three-step process to define if something is essential in your life and if you should pursue it. Greg McKeown talks about naming the opportunity, defining three minimum criteria for this option to be considered and then finally to define three extra criteria for this option to be fulfilled. His point is that you only want to go after options that fulfil 90%-100% of your criteria. If options fulfil less then 90% of your criteria, they are not essential. Even though this framework better applies to very specific options and not to a rough question like “Where do I want to be 10 years from now”, I want to try it. So what are my minimum criteria? 1. Learning I love learning. Expanding my knowledge in various fields, talking to experts in their field. Working on projects that create value. Make this world a better place. I know pathetic words and phrases, but this is actually my biggest driver. Grow and learn not only about myself but also how I can leverage my “god-given assets” to solve problems in this world. I want to be intellectually challenged and make “big” decisions. I want to take responsibility in this world.
2. Money I don´t need millions. I just need enough to live my lifestyle. Going out if I want to and still lay money aside. I consider myself a minimalist. So I do not own much. But the things I own are loved pieces and in many cases costly.
3. Freetime Leisure and play should be a fixed factor in our lives. Whether it is time to play with my kids, my dogs, sports of various sorts or just going for a walk. Taking time for this blog, my podcast or other side projects. At least one day a week needs to be free of a To-Do list. And what are my extreme criteria? 1. Friends and family Especially during my time in Asia, which is dominated by avoiding things that take energy from me, I realised that I have a strong tendency to reward myself with short-term satisfaction things like YouTube or social media. And since this consumes a lot of time, I procrastinate and don’t get my stuff done. Meaning I cancel meetings with friends and work on my stuff when I finally manage to stop procrastinating. But that way is not making me happy since I am a very social person. I realised that it helps me a lot to have an active circle of people around me that makes sure I do not procrastinate because I am “busy” with things and people that actually make me happy.
2. Cognitive and Creativity I need a balance between creative projects and intellectually challenging stuff. Combine craftsmanship and art with management. Have “high performers” around me and also creatives.
3. Location I love nature. Lakes, the sea, forest, mountains. I need a place that gives me chance to “Espace” into the wild quickly.
How could this look like? Working 3 to 4 days a week in a strategy consultancy, 2 to 3 days in my own agency/consultancy for leadership coaching that I founded together with others who run the business fulltime. Be the owner of a vintage fashion second-hand store that is fully outsourced and managed by someone else. I still want to know whats going on there and plan events or work in the business development. But more every now and again then regularly. Sometimes I give speeches or lectures. Sundays are free for recharging. Journaling, my podcast, music projects, tailoring, a trip or a chill Sunday reading and taking the dogs for a walk. I live somewhere with my family where hiking or surfing is easily possible closeby. A place where it is sunny. I want to live in a beautiful house or apartment that is decorated with a lot of love and dedication. Friends come over for dinners often.
That’s the game plan. Let's start the journey to get there: I started to unsubscribe any spam and to delete facebook and youtube from my phone. I realised that during this year which has been really hard for me all the way through I constantly increased my social media habits. I did things that give me short term satisfaction, such as Youtube videos or porn and day in and day out I delayed big things like applications etc. I was a pure victim of “information/opinion overload”. Resistance. Cancelling out the noise helps in my pursuit of “Turning Pro”. Focusing on the things that make me happy.
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