#anyway welcome to my scheduled post that idk if I will be able to see it in real time because I'm not at home

[neorukixart]

My calendar told me that it's been a year since I finished my first play of Digimon Survive so because I'm a nostalgic busy idiot, let me compile all the stuff I've drawn of Miyuki the Minase siblings (because it's the only thing I've done for Survive to far ;w;)

I'm sorry I'm so busy being overly emotional about this game to the point that I barely draw stuff orz and sorry not sorry that I felt in love with the Minase siblings uwu

Check the individual pieces in the following links:

[x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]

Bonus:

Ikemen Akiharu edit

Adult Ruki mama that no one asked for (actually yes, someone asked)

[fiendishpal]

hii fiend!!! i literally adore your art its so pretty and it- it just- *inhales* *exha-*💞💖✨💞💖✨💞🙏🛐🙇‍♂️🙇‍♂️anyways so- bcz u guided me to the osaaka ship and now im in love w it couldya please offer me some fic recommendations? ok, i just love ur art ur one of ny faves lov u have an amazingly sweet and beautiful day!!! :D

sure thing!!

i’ll put them by category here (i also have some art for some of them, i’ll post them when i’ve got the time)

i’ve put a star ★ beside fics that i’ve read a bunch of times hahaha!

canon-compliant

(fics that i think you should read first. mostly canon-compliant. so these are post-timeskip. after their meeting at the black jackals vs adlers game. these really won’t make any sense if you’re anime-only, sorry.)

stay with me go places by sparksandsalt ★

this fic. THIS FIC!!!!! this started everything for me!!! this is the reason why i started shipping osaaka!!!! the way they handled the characters is sooooo!!! *chef’s kiss* they really stick true to the characters' voices and the care they put into characterizations is impeccable. i also love bokuto and akaashi’s relationship here!! they’re so in each other’s lives that bokuto ends up exposing akaashi’s feelings indirectly and accidentally lmao and also atsumu and osamu’s relationship is so funny and hilarious. they are like how brothers are, atsumu showing his support but also clowning osamu in the process

this fic single-handedly fueled me to create so much osaaka content.

i dont know how many times i’ve read this tbh

wait by sanguinedawns

i love the yearning in this fic. the longing and the waiting and the expectation there. they’re trying to be subtle about their feelings for each other but they’re seen at the end but at 4k it’s narrated so smoothly. i love mutually pining idiots.

in the afternoon by yamaboto

this is so!!! i love this so much!! at 1k we see osamu yearning for akaashi once again. i love how they write this short scene. i could really picture the afternoon light coming in through the traditional panel doors and how the light must feel on your skin. 

take what we love inside by yamaboto

this is an established relationship osaaka and how they got together. in the afternoon (the fic above) is a snippet of how warm the writer could put words together. and it really is so sweet there’s a scene where they slow dance and it’s the best. i also love the simple fact that they put in how osamu cannot let anybody go hungry hhaha 

shout softly by lostsunsets

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS MADE MY HEART FEEL SO LIGHT AND SOFT AND TENDER. THIS FIC IS SO PRECIOUS OH MY GOSH

i love love loooooooove how the author put osamu's love and passion for food and filling in the pieces on what osamu does to fuel this passion --while in the back burner-- while he was still playing volleyball in high school

AND HOW HE LONGS FOR AKAASHI. THIS IS MAKING ME AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

GO READ IT PLEASE

we’re in au territory

(the setting is not canon-compliant)

sleeping with the enemy by billionairevolleyboysclub ★ 

the setting is in 2013 haikyu volleyball circuit. meaning they’re still in highschool and are still playing volleyball and they just happen to chance upon each other at interhigh.

 i love how sweet osamu is and how he got his crush on akaashi. and it’s lovely how they wrote the budding of a highschool relationship!! and their take on how osamu and akaashi handle ldr??? it’s delicious. dont let the fake/pretend relationship tag fool you this is very cute i love them so much!! i guess the ‘no drama’ aspect is what i like about this a lot bc osamu’s a pretty straightforward guy esp i guess back in highschool. also the second-hand embarrassment is real lmao

welcome in by risquetendencies ★

in this setting osamu’s still the owner of onigiri miya but the au aspect of this is that they haven’t met before. so basically a meet-cute.

and man  oh mannnnn the tension written here is good food. osamu is written so obviously into akaashi (i mean who wouldn’t) and akaashi is affected by this greatly and it is!!! wow!! i just love how smooth osamu is here and how flustered akaashi gets bc “omg a hot guy likes me????” (yes akaashi, this hot guys thinks you’re a sexy piece of ass please believe it)

 akaashi in a gay panic is literally the best thing. 

blood brothers by billionairevolleyboysclub (18+)

miya twins are vampires and akaashi has a thing for fangs. that in and of itself is enough reason for you to read this. i also love how the writer puts a distinction between atsumu and osamu on how they interact with/ feed on akaashi.

like the dawn by eggsan

this fic is actually inspired by my royalty au but im not putting this here bc of that. i really like how the writer introduced their story. i remember telling someone that the atmosphere of how they write is like the voice of a soft-spoken maiden hahaha it's lovely!! think light academia aesthetic. i also love how i get the doki-dokis when osamu, who is essentially a stranger, gets close to akaashi. i can feel akaashi's excitement and trepidation.

forgive the sea, follow the tide by KyryeDuBarie (18+)★

PIRATE AU!!!!!!

i love the fresh twist that they did here on the classic mermaid/pirate au. the twist being akaashi is actually a pearl diver and at the same time being vaguely hinted as a mermaid hhahaha. osamu's a pirate that got shipwrecked and got washed up on akaashi's shores that akaashi, of course, saved. 

there's a bunch of cool things that happened too that i cannot disclose bc that'll ruin the thrill of reading this. the plot is solid and the romance between osamu and akaashi is gradual but so so sweeeeet!! i highly recommend this!! but better clear up your schedule bc this hefty boy comes in at a whopping 40k!!!!

keep time on me by yamabato

this fic is based from my zombie apocalypse au!! and even though it’s set in the end of the world, they were still able to write it so sweet and comforting????? i only wish osamu and keiji the happiness they deserve :’)

i also like the whole theme of time in the story and how the story revolves around it. it’s very good!!!

the contest between by batman (18+)

akaashi is a documentary director and osamu is his subject. i love  love looooove how the author wrote how stubborn both of them are and how they could clash sometimes but not in the explosive type of way. it’s actually cute and sweet, you’ll see what i mean when you read this hhehehe

AND AKAASHI IS SO LOVELY HERE!!! so lovely!!! and he laughs and smiles a ton and those moments were written in a way that just said ‘look at this angel!’ LMAO idk maybe that’s just me. i love akaashi so much

AND THIS BABY COMES IN AT A WHOLE 75K!!!!!!!!! AMAZING!!!!

[ressjeon]

i don’t think i’m okay | ksj

➻ pairing: kim seokjin x fem! reader

➻ summary: with many chances wasted, you couldn’t even resist anymore.

➻ rating: 18+

➻ genre: romance, smut, light angst, fluff, slice of life, idiotstolovers!au, lowkey crack?, childhoodfriends!au? (more like acquaintance)

➻ word count: 4k+

➻ warnings: mutual pining, light swearing, mentions of divorce and implied cheating, family problems, brief mentions of mental health struggles, kissing & making out, teasing (duh), unprotected sex (pls stay safe), missionary lovemaking with aftercare & pillowtalk (yie 🥴)

➻ a/n: surprised that I posted this fast aren’t you? here’s my submission for the “spring will come again” event hosted by @bangtanarmynet (prompts 5 & 18, at the end) and my attempt of fluff hehe. Listen to this song by Bazzi for the vibe (not the lyrics tho but idk lowkey) and it's inspired by one of my childhood crushes :)

Yeoksam Luxury Villa

We are pleased to inform you that your reservation has been received and confirmed.

You smiled in relief once you read the booking confirmation of the retreat for yourself that you've been planning for a while. You scheduled it for the last week of Spring so you’ll be able to relax and ready for adventure in the following Summer.

For weeks your mother had been pestering you to include the entire family or maybe just your sibling when you proposed to have a luxurious treat for yourself. You just wanted this moment to be for yourself since you're going back to your home country after so many years.

And besides, you're already having a homecoming party where everyone's invited so what's the point. Scrolling through your IG feed, you spotted him with one of your closest cousins, Jaekyung and you're contemplating on asking him to invite his best friend but you'll take your chances.

You: Psstt, uh are you done inviting everyone?

Jaekyung: You mean if I invited Jin already?

You: Fuck off prick I just wanna check in to make sure

Jaekyung: sUrE, sure but yeah he knows, he said he’s busy tho

A sad sigh escaped from you, your earlier excitement now replaced with disappointment. Wow what's new anyways, your silly little crush is still apparent even just seeing Seokjin's picture. 

Jaekyung has always irked you a lot because he's been teasing you about Seokjin since you were kids but you love him regardless. He’s like an older brother to you and has the same age as Jin so they practically hangout every time the latter comes to town.You may also have been too obvious of your little crush on Seokjin that he immediately noticed and tormented you both during birthday parties.

Sometimes you actually feel bad for Seokjin because of all the teasing he gets not only from your cousin but his older sister as well. You and her have been close mainly because you crave having an older sibling, especially a sister. You hated being the eldest cause of you know, gazillion reasons. You invited her and of course she said yes but then she told you how Seokjin might be coming too since he’s apparently free.

Then why did he turn down your cousin’s invite? Does he even remember you at all?

You felt a pang at the thought but you dismissed it immediately. You still need to pack up so no time to wallow. You're gonna go to this retreat with a Seokjin-free mind.

.

When you arrived at the villa, you were in awe of how gorgeous it is. Everything from the inside architecture and all the villa's luxurious services made you pretty damn hype to be finally fully relaxed. You met with the receptionist and told you to be in the lobby after dinner for a welcoming soiree so you’re even more excited to meet new people.

After settling your stuff, you went outside and toured the entire villa, enjoying all the scheduled activities you planned but truth to be told you mainly enjoyed being pampered in the spa the most. You never regretted having this despite your initial doubts with you being money conscious growing up.

During dinner, you didn't really care much to talk to people since all you can focus on is the food, so damn delicious as you have been starving with all the things that you did today and you're more excited for the soiree after anyways. You went back to your room to touch up since you feel like you look messy after eating so much.

Coming down the stairs to the foyer you noticed people talking to themselves already but most of them seemed to be focused on something, more like someone.

And then you hear it, a familiar melody echoing throughout the room that is being played by someone on the piano in the middle of it. At first you only focused on the melody, bringing back to when you tried learning the instrument in elementary only to stop in order to focus on your studies.

But as you came nearer, you're starting to notice who it is, with his prominent broad shoulders and his perfect posture even when sitting down. There's no doubt it's Seokjin.

You walked nearer, observing him graciously playing the piano with his delicate fingers. You marvelled his face, maybe it's just your eyes but he's gotten more handsome now, it's been almost 7 years since you left after all.

With you getting fascinated with Seokjin's musical skill you didn't notice how you're slowly walking closer to a display table near the corner, and when you moved a little to get a good angle of him, you accidentally elbowed the vase behind you.

The sound cracked into the air that diverted everyone's attention from Seokjin to you. You froze, embarrassed at your clumsiness but before you can apologize you see him turned to you. Seokjin's eyes immediately locked with yours, you noticed the disbelief in them though you wonder if he's only trying to remember your face with this perplexed reaction.

You blinked away and started apologizing to everyone around you, even trying to help the cleaners who insisted for you not worry since this happens quite often. You left in a hurry, not giving Seokjin a glance as you hurriedly passed everyone.

Jin is utterly shocked to see you here of all places, he couldn't believe that you're finally back. Are you staying for good or just visiting? Despite his surprise, he managed to catch your startled reaction on seeing him. 

He immediately stood up, ignoring the weird looks he's been getting and hushed complaints since he stopped playing the piano. He's been there for a while now because of countless requests from other guests and he's just too nice to decline. 

You heard footsteps behind you and now you're nervous because it's surely him. You saw the determined look in his eyes earlier beyond the surprise in them so you already guessed that he'll follow you. But why though?

“You saved me back there” he chuckled, breathing heavily as he caught up to you. You stopped in your tracks, a confused expression displayed on your face.

"Uh you're welcome hehe" you smiled shyly as you recovered, avoiding his stares. You've always been bad at making eye contact and it's not helping when Seokjin's staring at you intensely. 

"How have you been Y/N? Didn't think I'd find you here" he laughs nervously, pondering his approach with your stunned face. He's not gonna be an idiot this time, he already missed his shots before.

"Small world haha but you really remember me?"

You awkwardly laughed since you’re taken aback at how he's approaching you like you two have been long time friends reuniting.

But you and Seokjin weren't friends, just acquaintances since you see each other a lot during celebrations.

"What, you think I'd forget you?" he smiled at you when you turned to him but you didn't miss the regretful look in his eyes. And here you thought he's good at hiding his feelings according to Jaekyung.

"I don't know, you never really talked to me back then" you retorted.

"I just..,hey–"

A sudden darkness enveloped everything around you that made Seokjin yelped and you heard the panicked outcries from the guests in the lobby. You on the other hand remained calm as blackouts don't really scare you.

You were never afraid of it, growing up getting used to frequent blackouts from your little town you developed a skill of maneuvering in the dark. Only case now is that Seokjin's making you nervous so now you clumsily walk forward and hit the corner of the wall.

You let out a small yelp but Seokjin's immediately by your side, holding you tightly. You couldn't see his face but you can tell by his tense touch how worried he is.

"Are you alright?" he asked gently and you chuckled.

"I just bumped Jinnie"

"Jinnie huh?" he teased and you're so sure he's smirking right now.

"Whatever, let's go find some candles" you wavered and instantly grabbed his arm but he removed your hand and laced it together with his own.

You're so fucked, this is moving faster than you anticipated. 

Seokjin's surprised at how you easily moved in the dark and you tried to ignore the butterflies in your stomach when you're holding hands with him, with Seokjin after all these years.

.

You both ventured through the halls and stopped when one of the staff reassured you that the blackout won’t last for the whole night. Seokjin immediately asked for the candles (which are looking fancy btw) and the staff handed them to you. Seokjin tugged you nearer to him to observe your reaction and he can feel you’re still skeptical around him, after all, you’re practically complete strangers until earlier.

"Y-Y/N, I've been meaning to talk to you–"

"I know, but let's not talk in here" you responded softly which caused a big relief for Seokjin. You dragged him further away from other guests and staff, the little light from the moon outside guiding you both as you walked through the stairs. You were going to go in the direction to your room when he moved around the corner and you noticed that it’s towards his room.

“It’s nearer than your room and I might have a flashlight and more candles there" he responded obviously, looking down at the dimming candle which is why you agreed anyways. You are also mentally preparing for this "talk" of you and him. Is this it? Will he confront you about your obvious feelings for him? How fucking embarrassing would that be.

You both entered a large suite which didn’t surprise you. Knowing Seokjin, of course he would get one of the biggest suites in the villa. You laughed thinking how big this room is for one person, it’s that bigger than yours.

Even in the darkness, you can feel him peering at you and now you’re feeling jittery, all your laughter gone in an instant. 

“I-”

“Uh-”

You both laughed a little for answering at the same time, quite cute actually. Seokjin's still fetching some candles when you walk over to him, surprising him when you turn him around to face you.

"You've been really wanting to talk to me, so now we'll talk Jin" you smiled at him and he smiled back, looking at you like you're the only light in this dark room. 

But you are though, always have been in his life ever since.

"Okay so I know we've never really had an actual conversation every time we see each other before but.." he paused, he seems to be nervous. Kim Seokjin is nervous? You smiled in amusement which he didn't miss. What if..

"I like you"

Your widened eyes mirrored Seokjin's after you both synced again. But no laugh came after this time.

"No" you said dryly, your expression twisting into disbelief making him wince.

"Y-Y/N–"

"My cousin and your sister made my feelings even more obvious but you don't have to use that just to start a conversation Seokjin" you sighed in disappointment.

"No, that's not it and where is this even coming from?" his voice frantic after noticing your opposite response to his confession.

"No? How could you? How could you even like me when you couldn't even look at me before let alone talking to me" your voice laced in irritation.

"I don't think you noticed it back then" he sighed and closed his eyes. You didn't know what to say because you're very confused right now.

He took your silence as a sign to continue so he took a deep breath and opened his eyes, looking straight into yours.

"You know I've always looked forward to going to parties before, because then I'll get to play with your cousins who I treat as brothers since you know, I don't have one" he looked away and smiled warmly, remembering the fond memories of his childhood.

You wanted him to continue but you have so many questions for him. He waited for them but you don't know what to ask first. Annoyance and confusion battling themselves in your mind.

He nodded slightly, a knowing look on his face and turned his back at you. He needs to explain now before your patience runs out but he couldn’t focus with your pretty face in front of him.

“I wasn’t in a good place back then, my parents were always fighting back home so the only way I’ll get an actual break is when I go with my sisters to your town during gatherings. They’re divorced now though, Dad keeps saying that Mom cheated but I didn’t know who to believe that’s why until now I always leave the house as much as I can” he sounds defeated. You noticed how his broad shoulders slacked against the table and your face softened.

“Jin, I’m sorry I didn’t know” you’re full of guilt now, you should’ve just let him explain before. You’re too consumed with your own feelings that you didn’t even give Seokjin the benefit of the doubt, already assuming everything just because you think you’re the only one looking. Your heart broke at his revelation, how he’s still carrying that experience even today.

“Nah it’s okay, even your cousin didn’t know. Guess I have been really good at hiding it, well at least for everyone outside my family” he playfully responded, trying to lighten up the situation.

You walked closer to Seokjin, aching to hug him to comfort him but you didn’t wanna be too pushy. Just because he said he likes you doesn’t mean you’re allowed to cross boundaries already.

“Jinnie..” you said softly, wanting him to turn around.

“I just don’t go to those parties as my escape place and because of your cousins, I wanted to go because I wanted to see you as well ” you heart’s racing with another confession of his.

You couldn’t help it, so many times you could’ve been together. Maybe if you didn’t leave and paid attention more, it would’ve been different. So you instantly wrapped your arms around his waist and you heard him inhale sharply. shit, is it too much?

But then he released a contented sigh and leaned back into your arms, causing you to relax and smile at his response.

"I'm here Jinnie" you spoke gently.

He removed your arms and turned to face you, his eyes full of longing and affection. You reached for his face with one of your hands and he grabbed the other one, lacing his fingers on yours and brought it to his other cheek.

A tender smile appeared on his very handsome face as he leaned back in the table and you closed the distance between you. You both closed your eyes the moment your lips met, his soft and plump ones molding with your own. He removed his other hand from your fingers, running it down delicately through your arm and you shivered in his touch.

The kiss started off slowly and gently but minutes passed by and you both are starting to feel the neediness for each other. You released your lips from his and you both stared at each other's eyes, inhaling sharply after when his lips started kissing your jaw towards your neck.

You tilt your head on the side to give him more access but his hands grabbed your waist closer to him, situating you between his legs causing your legs to touch his inner thighs and he groaned.

Sensitive part then?

You smirked but it vanished when his hands went down to stroke the back of your thighs underneath your dress, gliding them higher and higher until he reached your bum. You gasped when he grabbed a handful, your hands grasping into his hair as he nipped your collarbones.

You don't really mind if he leaves marks but he's doing it lightly so it won't. Seokjin continued his teasing, purposely doing the same thing over and over again until he felt you getting impatient.

"Seokjin.." you whined softly and pulled his hair, making him moan. He didn't answer you and just smiled against your neck, pecking them lightly before looking back at your cute, scrunched up face.

You couldn't take it anymore and you know he's teasing. Of course, Seokjin won't be Seokjin without it.

He watched in daze as you slowly undressed yourself in front of him. He did not think you'd actually do this with him so he’s thankful, though he still wonders how lucky he is that you accepted his confession.

"Are you sure?" he asked softly and you nodded, clutching his suit.

"Off" you demanded.

He laughed quietly and started removing his clothes slowly.

"Jin I swear–"

You immediately stopped your ramble as soon as you saw his skin into view. Despite the dimmed lighting, you can still clearly see his well-built physique.

He's not muscular like other guys but you don’t really care anyways because it’s Seokjin. Your eyes scanned his face down to his body and you gulped when they reached his very hard member. You looked away now fidgeting but Seokjin just confidently stood up and grabbed your face to kiss you, his thumb caressing your jaw as his kisses turned intense. 

You reciprocated them with fervour, pressing your tongue against his lower lip asking for an entrance which he gladly accepted. Hands desperately roaming at each other’s bodies, you both slowly approached his bed, mouths not stopping at devouring each other until the back of your knees reached the edge.

Seokjin released you, his eyes studying your face, mumbling “gorgeous” before crouching down but you stopped him before his knees reached the floor.

"I want to," he insisted as his palms slid up through your legs, adding the yearning look in his eyes that almost made you say yes. 

"Next time Jinnie" 

"Next time?" he asked softly, scanning your face for any humor in it but you only nodded sheepishly, still shy with this whole thing.

"Mmhmm, I want you inside me now" you pouted, your arousal slowly clouding your shyness. 

"Why are you impatient?" he chuckled, looking at you amusingly, brows wiggling.

"Because the lights might go back on!" you whined.

"So?"

"Jinnie–"

"Are you ready?" Seokjin looked back at you carefully, bringing back your attention to him.

"Mhhmm" you nodded as your nerves increased when he stepped even closer to you with all his naked glory.

Lord thank you for sculpting him like this.

"Words, love" he cooed, laying you both in the mattress, positioning himself after.

"Yes, I'm ready. I have been wanting you for years Jin" you sighed, glad at expressing what you feel for him after keeping them for so long.

And slowly he entered you, making you gasp in pleasure at the feeling when he bottomed out. He's so big and you saw a little smirk appear on his face while letting you adjust. You look so gorgeous like this, staring lovingly into his eyes and he pressed a soft kiss on your forehead, God why did it take him so long..

Jin started moving his hips, slowly grinding himself into you, making his crotch rub into your clit. You gaped at his beautiful sight above you, both of his arms planted on each side of your head and the sweat now forming on his face as his pace is slowly increasing. 

A smile formed on your lips when he groaned at how you keep clenching around him .You ran your palms through his clamp biceps, feeling them up until both of your hands reached his face. Seokjin tilted his head and rubbed his cheeks into your palms, the love swimming in his almond-shaped eyes.

Seokjin masks his emotions so well so you almost teared up at how he's letting you see him with all of them out in the open, right here with you. Your touches roamed down to his chest and he shuddered, his elbows bucking down to the sheets and he latched his mouth into one of your nipples, sucking it slowly. 

You had to hold back your moans because the guests might hear you but Seokjin has other plans. His pace increased its speed and you spread your legs wider, allowing him to hit that spot inside you and you almost scream in delight. 

He silenced your moans by kissing you deeply and you responded to them with equal passion.

"Jinnie.." you whimpered as you feel your orgasm nearing, the feeling of his cock stretching your walls deliciously.

"Hmm? I’m close too, love" he whispered, and the endearment didn’t go unnoticed by you despite the pleasure that’s taking over your mind and your heart soared with love for this man.

"I-I'm here for you..fuck!" you cried when his fingers reached down to your clit, his thumb rubbing the swollen bud even faster than his current pace.

"My solace..I love you Y/N'' he gasped shakily, closing eyes shut when your walls clamped around his cock as you reached your peak. The intense pleasure from your climax didn't allow you to respond to him so you just draped your arms around him, hugging him as your breath came down slowly.

He's very close while he's helping you ride out your orgasm but his breath is quickening so you released him and he pulled out just in time, spurts of his cum hitting the mound of your pussy, so much of it that it dribbled down to your sensitive folds. 

All of a sudden, everything was bright and you covered your eyes, shying away from the brightness and Seokjin giggled.

"You're so cute" he smiled warmly at you and you squirm as you feel his cum dripping into the sheets. 

An amused smile loomed his disheveled face as he stood up to get his shirt, climbing back to the bed to clean you up and you beamed. You're really in this deep.

"I love you too Jinnie" you whispered, smiling at him affectionately and he waved you to come closer to him.You put your head on his chest, nuzzling into him while his arms caressed you.

He hummed and silence ruled over you for a while, you're just very happy right now. You still couldn't believe that your childhood crush is your..wait, is he your boyfriend now then?

"You know, your cousin's been teasing me about you since the first time we met" he blurted and you gasped dramatically as you got up, causing him to laugh at your exaggerated reply.

"Really? Gods he does the same to me!" you huffed and Jin just giggled, staring at you fondly.

"I was also gonna offer to teach you some piano stuff secretly before" he confessed meekly, catching you in surprise.

"How did you know? Oh wait, Jaekyung" you scowled, playfully rolling your eyes at him.

“I have another question” you eyed him warily.

He hummed while affectionately touching the side of your back, lightly grabbing your bum.

“Why did you turn down his invite?” 

He laughed hard, hands clamping on his stomach and you elbowed him, your eyebrows scrunching.

“It’s because I wanted to ask you in person, you know an excuse to start talking to you” he giddily responded and you grinned, he finally sounded happy this time.

Seconds later, you noticed his demeanour slowly changing into hesitation, his face contorting into nervousness and eyes refusing to meet yours when you looked at him questioningly. 

"Are-are you only visiting?" he asked quietly, unsure if he wants to know your answer. These years without you made his life dull and he doesn't know if he can handle you leaving after what just happened between you both.

"I don't know, am I?" you teased, fingers running circles on his chest and Seokjin immediately caught on to what you wanted to hear.

"You are not or I will go with you anywhere, girlfriend" he grinned, cocking his head playfully and leaned up, pecking your lips softly.

"Then no, someone just changed my reason to stay" you laughed heartily and instantly moved away when he was about to cage you, his intentions clear with the mischief in his eyes.

“Nope, in my room this time” you winked at him and got up immediately, grabbing on one of his oversized shirts and left him chuckling between the sheets.

This is gonna be a long vacation and you couldn't ask for more.

Prompts:

(5) There is a blackout in the whole building and now we stumble through our apartment, trying to find some candles

(18) At a luxury retreat, Socialite B overhears the most beautiful song and spends the rest of their vacation trying to figure who played that instrument (the writer can choose anything) until they discover it’s their first love - Person A.

tagging Jin stans: @sugasbabiie​ @jinned @erotikkook​ @aroseforyoongi​ @missgeniality​ @kithtaehyung​

©  ressjeon 2021. do not repost, modify, or translate.

[yn-x-animeboy]

Jungkook x y/n (as a famous artist) Pt. 1

request: mine, my brain made me write this

pairing: reader x Jungkook

genre: fluff, romance, for entertainment purposes

BTS x Fem Reader

sinopsis: You are a popular artist in America, pretty famous, loved and well-known by the general public (actually you were one of the top 10 artists in the world but you are pretty humble and naïve to realize your popularity), one day during one of your fan meets you talk about how much you love BTS, and not only how you wish to meet them and work with them but how Jungkook is one of your celebrity crushes. During the meet you fangirled with other ARMYs in the crowd; video clips of you fangirling and talking about BTS at your meet where posted and reposted all over social media. This obviously broke the internet because you were not only a famous singer but you also were always accepted and loved by ARMY and this made a lot of people happy. Suddenly it felt like everyone wanted you to meet the seven handsome and talented idols and collaborate, but you could only wish, you believed they didn't even know who you were...or so you thought.

Pt. 1- Introduction. Your fan meet

Basically every couple of months you like to organize small get-togethers with your supporters as a way to have a closer contact with them, to get to know them, as a fanservice and to just thank them in a way. Lately you have been noticing one specific group of fan pages dedicated to you who have been really interactive and supportive on twitter; 

promoting your latest music video and the recent EPISODE of: y/n’s camera roll uploaded to your oficial platforms (your team uploaded a weekly video=episode to your channel; almost like Run BTS. Each episode had a different theme and your fans loved it)  this group of fan pages is constantly on your main page, so you decided to contact them and fly them out for a day in L.A. for one of your infamous meets so you could meet them.

You don't normally film your fan meetings, they are normally just a one on one gatherings between you and your fans,  but your team thought it could be a good idea to record today’s meet and upload parts of it for your weekly EPISODE, these were greatly appreciated by your international fans and other fans who wanted to see a little more into your personal life.

You were currently hanging out with the small group of fans you invited over. A group of around 10 boys and girls were currently sitting on the fluffy carpeted floor and some were sitting on plush chairs randomly spread in front of you. (a/n i imagine this setting like the Zach Sang Show, for the Ariana Grande interview episodes) 

You were sitting in front of them on a small white couch for two. Once everyone was comfortably settled in, you introduced yourself and invited the others to do so as well, one by one telling you their name, username, pronouns, age, and fun facts about them. You smiled wide, happy to be able to meet such amazing people and also making mental notes to remember their names and facts. 

After the personal introductions your camera crew was set up and ready to start, you told your fans sitting in front of you about how today's meet was going to be recorded and asked for their consent to upload said video; and then proceed to open for the camera; 

“Hello everyone welcome to another episode of…. f** I don't even know what we call these videos, jajajaja” 

Your fans sitting in front of you stated the name of the youtube series in a heartbeat;

“Wait what?... jajajajaja omg guys thank you, I'm so sorry, yeah you heard them, welcome back to y/n’s camera roll, I can’t believe I forgot that, anyway today’s episode is a little different……” you proceed to explain what the episode was about and thanking the future viewers for tuning in and watching the video. “Waw what a long introduction, so, before we actually go on and have the meet while you guys at home enjoy, I want to introduce you to the lovely group of people who I have invited here today….” Again proceed to introduce your fans to the camera by name, trying to not miss anyone and not butcher any name in the process.

After the introduction is done you porcede to carry out the fan meet like you normally do, you normally have scheduled sections of activities during your meets to make them fun; For today’s meet you all played games and did a couple challenges with your fans; then you recorded a couple of tik toks and instagram stories your fans asked you to be in, and casually all hung out. After a while of comfortable chatting and laughter, you wanted to hype up the mood. You turned down the lights, turned on some color  LED lights and had a dance party with everyone invited, dancing and going all out to popular music.

After being all drained from the heavy physical activities, you ordered a variety of food for your fans, like pizza and pasta, sushi, tacos, snacks, etc. and had a muckbang/eating section for the episode as well.

You were having so much fun, you looked around while eating and just by looking at their excited and happy faces you couldn help but feel complete and thankful for all of your fans.

After filling up on food, you carried out the Q&A section of the meet, allowing fans to ask you personal questions and conversing on various topics. The camera director gave you instructions to proceed with the questions, you nodded and thanked him and the staff for their hard work, turning on your heel and sitting back in your spot you tuned to the main camera: “Hi, quick update, sorry I haven't been so interactive with the camera in this episode for everyone watching at home, but I have been having so much fun and I am not used to having a camera crew for my normal fan meets, I’m sorry. Anyway now we will move on, I am going to answer some questions and hopefully this is entertaining enough  for the EPISODE hahaha” the crew and fans present chucked as you finished the small interruption.

And the questions began. A girl sitting in the back, raised her hand and spoke; “yeah um, I’m sorry I wanted to  see if I could start the questions, idk if the others are okay with that”. The rest of the group nodded sweetly at her, others replied with short “yeah’s”. She then proceeded nervously “thankyou g-guys, um I’m sorry before my question, is there anything we cannot ask you or..?

You sweetly smiled at her shyness and consideration, you tried your best to make her comfortable, “You are so cute, hahaha, thankyou for being considerate, but I really can’t think of anything that I am not allowed to answer or talk about, let me ask my manager...do I Sam?” you shifted your upper body to the side where the crew was standing, your manager Sam shook his head, you don't really have any tea to be spilled anyway so he is pretty confident and comfortable allowing you to be 100% in control. 

“Okay if Sam says it’s cool, it's okay  jajaja. You can ask me anything”

The girl then proceeded to ask her question, and waited for you to answer.

Time went by, and it was pretty cool to see what your fans were interested in learning about you, after some time the group continued asking you questions like “who is your biggest inspiration? favorite song?, favorite thing about being on tour? what would you do if you weren't a singer? etc.

One of the boys in the group spoke; “Hi, y/n, can I ask you another question?” you nodded and signaled him to proceed; 

“I saw that you liked an instagram post about BTS a while back uploaded by a fan account and I also saw that you actually follow their personal twitter account. ALSO in your behind the scenes video for your music video shoot you can be seen in the background dancing the Boy with luv choreo. So I wanted to ask if you were an ARMY and if you know them personally? and like should we be expecting a collaboration soon?”

You chucked at his talking speed, curious questions and great detective skills.

 Before you answered you mentally told yourself to hold back and not go all cRAzY fAnGirL on them, you inhaled and answered:

“OMG hahaha I love you so much, what an amazing question, Okay so first off no I don’t know them personally and sadly no plans of collaboration are on sight. Oh wow I have never been asked if I liked BTS before, I’m excited hahaha. Yeah I am an ARMY, I love them so much I am one of their biggest fans, and they are also one of my biggest inspirations when it comes to work ethic and professionalism, listening to them or watching them gives me motivation to keep doing what I love, which is this. 

anyway I am rambling I should stop; you guys can say y/n stop whenever I start rambling okay? hahaha''

The group in front of you laughed and added some extra comments on your response.

After a couple comments back and forth you realized something… and asked out loud, 

“Wait so, how many of you guys here are actually ARMYs?”, 

all of the sudden the 10 fans sitting in front of you raised their hands. 

“So you guys are telling me literally everyone of you is a fellow ARMY and didn't tell me until now?” everyone chuckled and looked around surprises at the coincidence 

You were already feeling shy after talking so much about yourself before so you redirected the activity, “Guys should we actually talk about BTS for a bit? hahaha” you asked your fans

This made a girl raise her hand and ask: “Can I ask you a BTS question then? Okay so, who is your favorite member?

You loved the new conversation topic. You answered truthfully: “Well first off, I don't have a favorite member. I really mean it when I say this. I love them all equally and I love them all as a group. I don’t prefer one over the other or like one better.  I really do support them equally. I mean there is nothing wrong with having a bias, as long as you also respect the other members, hope that all made sense lol” Everyone seemed moved by your support towards them and nodded.

“Y/n so you don’t have a favorite, but do you have a crush on any of them?, like if you could date one of them right now, which one do you pick?” A fan asked.

You looked at her and really thought about how to answer said question in the best way possible; “okay...well...Like I said just to be clear I don't have favorites amongst the group members, but I do have a type…. I consider one of them to be my celebrity crush” you answered, starting out slow and finishing by blurting out the last part.

Your fans in front of you went crazy, they leaned over their seats wanting to feel closer to you and not miss anything you were saying as you took a breath to continue speaking.

“So in that case, if I had to pick someone that I would date in real life...i would say…. Jungkook'' The room was filled with surprised remarks, small comments and squeals.

“Omg guys chill hahaha, breathe, it's just a crush I don’t know him and it's not going to happen. It's just that I find him really attractive and he is my type.”

The fans kept raising their hands to ask you various questions about BTS,

the camera director and manager signaled you to get your attention after you finished answering other questions and told you you only had time for one more question before the fan meet was over.

“Okay guys so apparently we have time for one more question, so make it a good one, it can be about anything, shoot” you said as you leaned over to reach for your water bottle, swung the bottle and pointed to someone on the corner of your eye who seemed to have one last question, as you drank some water they asked: “I have a last BTS question if you don’t mind y/n” 

Still gulping water you moved your hand indicating them that is was okay and to go on,

“okay, um I just thought about this, do you have like a specific fantasy or make up scenario about BTS that you could only dream could come true; like I wish i could walk into a café shop and suddenly meet V, realizing we were reading the same book and covering for hours”

That was such a deep and personal question, you had never once thought anyone would be interested in what your fantasies where; you thought it might be boring for your fans if you went on and on about  stupid make believe scenarios that live in your head rent free. But seeing everyones approving faces over the question and the intrigued eyes they were shooting at you, you spoke: “I love that question, and your scenario is so cute, you should write a tumblr post about it, (a/n wink wink) well yeah I obviously have created fake scenarios in my head about BTS, past crushes, fake arguments even hahaha, there are so many BTS fake scenarios in my head…. hmm oh I know which one, okay so this fantasy of mine is about how I would meet them irl and work with them, I will make it quick”

You kinda chuckled at yourself, playing with the cap on your water bottle, you felt as if you were about to say something really cringy and embarrassing. You took a deep breath and started the narration of the sinopsis of your personal fanfic created by you. 

“Okay so, my literal fantasy is to one day meet them at a talk show, you know how hosts like will surprise their guests with something/someone they like?, I believe Ellen has done it multiple times where she surprised a guest with their idol or celebrity crush, you know?” The group nodded, invested in your fake scenario “Well i would be invited to like the Jimmy Fallon Show, where he would just randomly surprise me with BTS. Then I would be given the opportunity to introduce myself and tell them how much I love and support them. I would also be able to show them my Korean speaking skills, I learned Korean and Spanish back in school and I have never been able to actually use either them, lol, anyway...well after that we would all become really good friends, and we would collaborate and put out one or multiple songs for you guys. I mean that's basically it, I wish I could meet them, and become their friend and write songs with them, even produce songs with Suga or RM if I could'' you sighed as you ended your mini narration.

You continued; “But well, that's just a fake scenario I repeat, it's not real and it's not gonna happen, EVER. For now I will keep supporting and loving them with you and the rest of ARMY. I really doubt they even know who I am, anyway” you closed the conversation at that. Your fans seemed like they wanted to say something but your camera director called you over before anyone could say something else. You excuse yourself and walk over to the cameras and lights set up where the staff is.

*your fans were really confused, and this you didn't know, but your fans knew for a fact that BTS knew very well who you were. The fans even knew which member has continuously admitted to having a platonic crush on you for years now, ever since you first blew up, back when you were 16 and he was 17. Your fans knew how you are one of BTS’s favorite artists, and this was no secret, you could literally look all this information up... 

They didn’t understand how you could have no idea how famous you actually are* They talked amongst themselves about this while you talked to your team.

Your manager and camera director indicated you to do an outro for the video’s footage and other instructions. You nodded your head and smiled, you took a step back and bowed your head towards the staff behind the cameras and thanked them for their work.

You then walked towards the group of fans and told them you had to do an outro for the camera if that was okay with them; you then sat with them on the floor while side hugging the two fans next to you, you directed yourself to the camera:  “Okay guys so sadly today’s meet is now over, I am really sad I wish we could hang out for longer, thank you so much for coming and making today so fun and special” you then turned to the camera “And for my other amazing supporters who are going to watch this on youtube, today was just a little scoop into my life like the other y/n’s camera roll EPISODES, in case you are interested in other videos like this one you can visit head to the channel where this video was uploaded and watch more! hopefully you guys had fun with us! I adore you all, thank you! Please Spread love always, y/n out” you waved as the camera director said “CUT” and the crew cut the cameras.

Your manager then stood up and directed everyone to get ready to leave, also thanking them for always supporting you and taking care of you, you smiled at your amazing manager and looked back at your fans while they picked up their stuff, smiling sadly.

You said your goodbye to everyone one-by-one as they headed out.

After lots of farewell hugs, kisses, selfies, and gifts, you went home with a smile on your face for the amazing time you had.

You went to bed, turned your phone on silent mode and looked at your ceiling,  reliving that fake scenario you talked about a few hours ago, oh how you wished it could become real (a/n hehe wink wink). Finally dozing off and resting for the work-packed day you had tomorrow unaware that your social media was currently going crazy and how they yearned for your new weekly EPISODE to come out.

Part 2- Jungkook’s POV --------> here

thank you so much, please interact with me to let me know if you like this :) Xx

[ray-ray-writings]

hihi!! could i get some sbi + bee hybrid reader? idk i just think hybrid readers are cool lmao (ps: can i be 🎮 anon?) (pss: i really hope i did this right i don't really request things often so sorry if it's bad or wrong)

(Of course!! Welcome 🎮 anon!!!!! This idea is so cute! As well as, I know you said SBI but we’re also including Tubbo in this because how could I talk about a bee reader and not include the bee man himself???) (P.S. This was not bad or wrong in anyway!!!!)(P.P.S. Last post of the night because I’m very tired! Maybe more tomorrow, I’m unsure because of my schedule)

So I picture that you would have little wings that would poke out of your back. You wouldn’t really be able to fly with them, but you would be able to hover and move from place to place if need be. Philza would help you take care of your wings because he also had wings. Of course they were very different, his had feathers and made it so he could fly and yours did not have feathers, but were translucent and made it so you could hover and travel short distances off the ground, but he knew how to take care of wings and was always willing to help you take care of yours. The boys also love looking at your wings. As I have mentioned, they’re translucent and just really cool too look at and so they would spend a lot of time looking at them and if you were okay with it, running their hands over it. 

You would love honey. Love making it, collecting it, eating it, you would love it. Tubbo would also love honey and would love to help you collect it and make it as well. You would sometimes get protective over your honey and wouldn’t let him near it but once he gives you a little pout, you’d let him have some. Your house would always smell like honey and you would always have at least three bottles in your home. 

Something very sweet that all the boys would do is they would constantly bring you flowers. You would always have vase upon vase of fresh flowers. This became a tradition when one time Wilbur handed you a flower to hold onto for a second and your face just lit up so brightly and you clutched the flower so tightly, bringing it to your nose and smelling so deeply that by the time you pulled your face away, pollen coated your nose. You were just so happy to have a new pretty flower in your possession. Wilbur wanted you to hold onto it for a second but he couldn’t take it away after seeing how happy it made you. Wilbur told his family about your reaction and so now at least once a day you get a new flower. Technoblade even built a greenhouse out in the middle of the tundra where he can grow flowers so he’ll always have one to give you if you come over. 

For my next trick I will now be telling you what type of flower that the boys give you the most often with no further explanation as to why I feel this way. Philza gives you poppies. Wilbur gives you cornflowers. Techno gives you dandelions. Tommy gives you tulips. Tubbo gives you sunflowers.

I imagine that sometimes when anyone accidentally bumps into you, you get mad. Like if you’re walking somewhere and your shoulder gets bumped, anger stirs up inside you and you glare at the person and your wings flutter a bit. Philza, Wilbur, and Tubbo all feel really bad when they do this. They will apologize and promise to give you an extra flower the next time they see you and you calm down. Techno just kind of stares at you and chuckles a little bit before murmuring a very small apology before moving on. When this happens, it takes a little longer for you to calm down, but once Techno brings you a small thing of honey, you calm right down. Tommy on the other hand will purposely bump into you to get you mad and then he will act like he did nothing wrong and that you’re over reacting causing you to get even more mad. It sometimes get so tense that Philza has to step in and make Tommy apologize to you and give you a flower. You huff, but accept the apology and the flower, ignore Tommy for a few hours but eventually get over it. 

Another thing that makes you mad is when people disturb your nest. You don’t have a traditional bee’s nest. It’s a little nest in it’s own room of your home where there is a bunch of shelves full of honey and lots of windows with vases of flowers sitting in them. There is a small couch in the room with many blankets and a table in front of it that you use to make honey. You spend a little bit of time in the room everyday just to settle down and relax. One time Tommy was over and he found the room and accidentally knocked over a bunch of honey bottles and messed up your blankets. You got so mad that you almost bit him (more on that in the next paragraph). Tommy was really scared of you in that instance and he bolted out of your house, you chasing behind him. He ran to Phil’s house and explained what was going on. Once again, Philza had to calm you down and tell you it would be alright. He would follow you back to your house and help you fix the nest before giving you flowers, honey, and sugar water. 

So back to the biting thing. So I imagine that you wouldn’t have a stinger. No instead you would have the urge to bite the things that annoy/scare you. The bite would hurt as much as a bee sting and would leave a little bump like stings do. Sometimes if you’re really pissed off, you would pump a little bit of the venom that bees have. Each of the boys have definitely received a bee bite from you because they made you very upset. They would just be talking and you would reach out, grab their hand, bring it to your mouth, and just give their arm a bite. Once you had bit someone, the anger and frustration would leave your body and you’d be okay. Tommy would let out a little scream and go running off to Phil screaming “they bit me! They bit me!” But Phil, who has also been bitten by you is just like “What did you do to piss them off?” Phil when he got bit was shocked but instantly asked you what happened. You would explain to him how he was upsetting you and the only way you could express that was through your ‘sting’. Phil would then learn to read your body language and know when you were reaching that point and would pull back on whatever was happening. Wilbur would pretend that he was offended, just to make you laugh. After you bit Phil, he had explained to all the boys what had happened and not to freak out if it happened to them and to try not to get you to that point. But when Wilbur accidentally did, he would let out a fake gasp of offense, “You dare bite me? Your absolute favorite person in the world?! How dare you!!! I think you need to be taught a lesson” He would then throw you over his shoulder, causing you to giggle like a madman, no longer mad at the man who had you captive. Techno would just accept it and continue on with whatever he was talking about. He would just keep talking as you bring his arm to your mouth and bite him. He doesn’t even react, just lets you do it. After you let him go he pauses and quietly goes, “Feel better?” And you feel slightly guilty but you nod, and he nods too and says, “Okay then good… Back to what I was saying” Tubbo would just be so confused when it happened. He was there when Phil told them, but he didn’t really understand. “You bit me!” He’d exclaim in surprise as you pull your mouth away. “Yeah and you were irritating me… Now we’re even” He would then go back to Philza and he would have to explain to Tubbo again what had happened. Once he understood, he would go back to you and apologize. 

No matter your gender identity, the boys call you “Queen” (Unless you are completely uncomfortable with that, then they will call you ‘Your Highness or your majesty). But if you don’t know, bee’s have a hierarchy where the queen is the top most important bee that is to be taken care of at all costs. So the boys affectionately call you their queen. You are very precious to them and you are the ruler of the hive. Sometimes when they’re joking around and messing around with you they’ll just go “Oh Queenieeeeeeeee” which makes you roll your eyes but also smile at the cute nickname. 

Thank you for this request! I really loved writing it and I really hope you enjoyed reading it!!!

[fox-steward]

What tips do you have for those who want to start running? I enjoy running, but I have some difficulty keeping a training routine. How do you motivate yourself?

i am so excited you’re considering a running habit! so excited this might be jumbled, but in no specific order:

set realistic (and specific) goals

it can’t be, “i want to start running.” instead, you’ve gotta define what that looks like for you! maybe it’s, “i want to run 10 miles a week” or “i want to run a 5k 3x/week,“ or whatever it is, an achievable goal must be specific. vague goals are overwhelming (where to even begin???) but specific goals offer you a path. if your goal is to run 10 miles/week, break that down into chunks. wanna run 10 miles per week and four days per week? cool, you can make that MWThSu 2/2/3/1.5/1.5 or whatever works for you.

slow down

you don’t want to do most of your runs at race pace. really, almost none of your runs should be that fast. and fast is subjective. your fast isn’t mine isn’t the next person’s, and that’s fine. running is great because you’re only measuring yourself against yourself, and improvements come in many forms, of which speed is only one. so slow down. run so slowly you can have a conversation. you will eventually speed up, but starting slow ensures you don’t make running so unbearable it becomes a burden and you give it up.

discipline > motivation

you wait for motivation, you’ll wait forever. else, you’ll stop when that motivation runs out. ideally, running should become like brushing your teeth—just a habit you do. of course, running (imo) feels a lot better than brushing my teeth and i genuinely enjoy it. but that doesn’t mean i’m looking forward to every run. if i’m scheduled to run (based on my specific and measurable goal!), barring injury or true exhaustion, i go run. wanting to or not wanting to don’t factor into it.

remove obstacles to your goal

the more obstacles that crop up when you’re trying to build a running habit, the more opportunities you have to give up. so make things easy for yourself, anticipate obstacles and take care of them the night before. i make sure my running gear is clean/dry and set out in my closet (i have a specific rack for running clothing) the night before, so that when i wake up, i just get dressed. if my running clothes aren’t clean, that’s an opportunity to quit; if i can’t find my headphones or they’re not charged, that’s an opportunity to give up. i set my alarm for wake up time (5:35am) as i’m going to sleep, because if i wake up too late i’ll feel pressed and that’s another opportunity to give up. i go to sleep early enough to wake up at 5:35am, because if i wake up sleepy, that’s an opportunity to give up. so i wake up and i’m in my clothes before i encounter any good opportunities to give up! now i’m in my running gear, might as well go outside and start. once i’ve started, might as well complete my scheduled miles for the day. i’ve removed all the big obstacles for myself, so running is like brushing my teeth now—just something i do, whether i feel like it or not.

set aside something for only during runs

i like podcasts, so i only allow myself to listen to certain ones when i run, that way i’m looking forward to my run because i get to listen to that podcast! also works with audiobooks. i also have specific playlists that feel good to run to.

post-run routine

i have to have something to look forward to after a run. for me, it’s an oat milk latte i make at home, quiet morning reading time in my sunroom surrounded by my plants. i fucking LIVE for this time of morning, and it ONLY feels good if i ran. if i skipped my run and let myself down, it’s hard to enjoy that same feeling in the morning. anyway, reward yourself. you did a hard thing by running, you should celebrate yourself. a cup of coffee? a snuggle sesh with your dog? warm shower? raspberries? celebratory selfie on IG? idk! whatever feels good to you.

play games

i like to play games with my runs, like count the number of birds i see, or make a list of all the distinct smells i smell on a run. there are so many smells, would you imagine? cut grass, gasoline, fresh wood from construction, magnolias, chinese food, car exhaust, lake. so many smells.

change up your route

running the same route gets boring. get creative and go different places. i like to just tour different areas of my city. i’ve become so familiar with my city since i started running it; the image in my head is more complete and intimate. oh this part of town? it’s a slight incline, actually. the sidewalks are uneven. the trees are big and old. this street doesn’t get a lot of sun. i’ve now run every street in my city. i lived here for 10 years before running it, and now i feel like i never even knew it.

the story you tell about yourself matters

i really believe in the power of narrative; the story we tell ourselves about ourselves shapes the possibilities we imagine for those selves, it shapes the character we believe ourselves to possess. i tell myself specific things, like i am someone who does hard things. i believe this about myself, and because i tell it to myself i back that up. i was feeling some ennui today and didn’t want to run, but i reminded myself of my promise to myself. if i start breaking promises to myself, i won’t be able to trust me, and i tell myself the story that i have my own back. so i laced up.

the story is, i keep my promises to myself, and i behave in ways that make that true. it’s not that that story evolved BECAUSE i simply don’t break promises to myself, but the other way around. i let myself down all the time before i started telling the opposite story, that i keep my promises to myself. after i started telling myself that, i began living up to that story.

the story is, i am someone who does hard things. when i approach a hill i don’t want to run, i remind myself i am capable of doing hard things, and i run up it. when it’s cold and i would rather not run, i remind myself of the story,: i’m someone who does hard things. and then i step outside into the cold (i also remind myself that cold is temporary and i am lucky in that i will be warm again soon). i wasn’t always someone who did hard things, but now that i tell myself that story, i actually DO hard things.

so tell yourself the right story and you’ll actually start to live up to it!

there are more. tell me more about your goals and maybe i can be helpful. i’ve become quite a good runner in the last 3 years. i believe i’ll be a lifelong runner. i hope you find longevity in running, too. welcome to the club!

[beck-a-leck]

Fanfic Writer 20 Questions

Tagged by @thychesters Thanks Kate!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

56 on my main page, plus 5 others that are secret (aka Anonymous and don't show up in the count)

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

772,412

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

~10, I have a lot of sub-fandoms as part of a larger fandom. Including but not limited to: Star Wars, Story of Seasons/Harvest Moon, Rune Factory, MCU, and many moons ago Voltron, Transformers, and Harry Potter.

4. What are your top 5 fics by Kudos?

[Redacted Anonymous fic] at 1218

Aggressive Negotiations at 312

Wells of Silence at 287

[Redacted Anonymous fic] at 280

Weekend Guests at 209

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! Or at the very least, I try to respond to as many comments as I can. I love being able to strike up conversation with my readers, and wallow in angst with them for a while. At the very least, I like letting them know I appreciate their feedback.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm... that's probably the fic where I gave Anakin Skywalker an almost happy ending; twins, husband, you know the drill. And then I violently took pretty much all of that away. Killed Obi-Wan, killed the twins, left her with a heaping pile of survivor's guilt. That's probably my angiestiest fic.

But also, I write rather a lot of angst, so...

There's also the one where I gave a child 23 older sisters, and then had them slowly and painfully die off, leaving her alone as the sole survivor. (Star Wars)

And there's the one where I detailed how an 8 year old accidentally killed his brother, thus screwing up everything so badly, the whole timeline had to be erased. (Loki)

And, well, Wells of Silence IS a canon compliant AU. And we all know how Revenge of the Sith ends.

Writing angst is fun okay!

7. Do you write crossovers?

Not really, no. Usually only when I'm messing around and being goofy, or if I'm combining a lot of sub-fandoms from a larger fandom group. But I don't really count those as true crossovers.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nothing specific comes to mind. I'm pretty sure years ago (and I mean like well over a decade at this point) I got trolled/hate on a fic by someone who was out to attack me specifically. I remember deleting the fic, and beginning to distance myself from the fandom. but obviously it didn't stop me from writing so... jokes on them. 😂

Otherwise, more recently I can only think of instances where people have used my fic comments as an excuse to vent about canon things they hate thinking they'll find a sympathetic ear, or got 5+ chapters into a long fic before saying 'it feels unrealistic that this character would do these things' to which I'm pretty sure I just shrug and don't respond.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I don't really write fanfic smut, no. It's not really my thing, and I'm happy cutting things off at an M/PG-13 rating for sexy times.

That being said, I have written non-fanfic smut before. No I'll never share it. It is well and truly laughably terrible.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

To my knowledge, no I haven't.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Many, many, many years ago @jessi-08 and I co-wrote and absolute crack fic for Jak and Daxter. It was deliriously fun times. But in a more ""serious"" capacity, no I have not.

13. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Nobody? I guess?? I'm not much of a shipper, really. I enjoy reading and writing ship-content, but I've never really felt devoted to any single ship in any fandom. I'm a multi-shipper? Omni-shipper? Basically, if the fandom can bring its A-game to a ship, I'll probably quite enjoy it.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I mean, there are a couple dozen unfinished WIPs in my writing folder that I keep around with the intention of maybe finishing them, but deep down I never will. But also, none of those are posted.

Thinking of where I am and how my fandom interests have shifted, I'm probably never gonna finish Weekend Guests. And I stubbornly refuse to admit that Dust and Ashes is dead, but also, I haven't touched it in years, and kinda forgot what I wanted to include in the story. 😬

15. What are your writing strengths?

Oh gosh... (what is this question? I can't say nice things about myself)

I guess I would say my scene setting. I love spelling out descriptions and providing the sensory experience when I can in the scenery. Otherwise, probably my ability to sink my angst claws into people and hurt their feelings with words about fictional characters while I torture them worse than canon does (usually)

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Sticking to a goddamn regular posting schedule. I try not to get too wrapped up in writing regularly, so as to not punish myself for doing (or not doing) something that's supposed to be fun and relaxing for me. but damn I look at those WIPs that haven't been updated in months and I can't help but feel guilty.

Also, tied in with the above, starting too many projects before finishing up something else.

Also action scenes. and romance.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

It can work, I think, if it's done well. But usually, it's not done well, and it just feels clunky or tossed in for "spice." But like... pet names/nicknames in a native tongue, I am so weak for those! And it can also be a fun way to drop hints/foreshadowing, but as a bonus for the people who speak the language.

Idk, I'm not fluent enough in any language to feel like I have any definitive voice in the matter. I typically don't add other language dialogue because I don't trust google translate.

And if I'm writing for Star Wars, and it's an alien language anyways, I'm not digging that deep into the lore to construct a fictional language. That shit gets Universally Translated babey!

18. What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

Jak and Daxter my beloved! I'll never let you go! Every five years or so, I'll spit out a new fic for you 💜

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Oh no! I can't pick favorites! Don't do this to me!

Wells of Silence still sits up in my top 5, for a number of reasons.

Another of my tops is actually one of my Anonymously posted fics, so I will not mention name or fandom, but it is very beloved.

And they've been on the forefront of my mind, so I've got a soft spot for Earth and Rebirth and Our Dear Empress

20. Who do you tag?

Hmmm, let's see. @durotoswrites, @jake-marshall, @lookforaspoopynewangle (I know kate tagged you, but consider yourself double tagged), @jessi-08, and... I have all of a sudden gone completely blank on which of my mutuals writes fic 😂😬 (i only slept for 3 hours last night. leave me alone. my brain is swiss cheese.)

As always, if you want to play along, you are more than welcome to say I tagged you!

[iamtheprotagoneil]

when i was writing my answer for the second part of this ask from alicia, i actually came up with a fic idea but since my schedule is pretty packed for a while to come, i probably won’t be able to turn this idea into an actual fic. so to keep this from fading away into the oblivion that is my awful memory, i’mma just do what ive made this blog for, which is rambling away:

there’s this hongkong tv show i watched ages ago, but one of the subplot really stuck with me. it follows one of the main characters on his journey to his eventual greatness. in this subplot, he’s stuck in an ice cage and, every night, he’d meet a girl (circumstances are a bit icky, but let’s digress). the ice cage is so dark and freezing that, to both of them, it feels more dreamlike than reality. they even prefer to each other as ‘mộng lang’ and ‘mộng cô’ which loosely translates to ‘dream man’ and ‘dream lady’.

later on, the girl (who turns out to be a princess) hosts an event to search for a consort (although, in honesty, she’s hoping to meet her dream man again). in the event, she hides behind some thick drapes that hide her identity, and asks her suitors questions that only her dream man would be able to answer – or answer correctly, anyway. the guy only comes to the event out of obligation, rather than any actual wish to be the prince consort. however, his intention changes as his turn to go ‘meet’ the princess comes, and then the questions, and then the realization that his dream lady is just behind those drapes.

i just find it so poetic that they only meet each other through bizarre circumstances, that they don’t even know of each other’s true identity, only falling in love with each other’s voice and wits. then, after a while apart, they find each other again, through sheer coincidence, and are able to reconcile on what they’d thought was only a lost connection.

which, ahh, makes me think of an AU, of sorts, for protagoneil. perhaps, they wouldn’t meet in an ice cage, but in a prison (idk, that’s just what my mind decided on), maybe in some place where they’re held captive in rooms next to each other, a place with rules so reclusive that they never get to see each other, only a voice as proof of the other’s existence. their situation – being locked up in a room with only a small window as indication that the outside world does exist, although distant – would make their interaction with each other so surreal, as if the other is nothing more than a figment of their imagination, another sign that they’ve gone mad in this captivity.

hell, we can make this even more tragic by setting in the tenet ‘verse, post-canon. perhaps a mission went awry, and the protagonist finds himself captured by some antagonists with greedy, self-serving purposes for tenet’s inversion technology. perhaps, the protagonist thinks neil’s voice – or whoever it is that sounds so much like the neil he once met – coming through the wall is just his mind coping to the loneliness and isolation. he’s never had problems with either before, but the circumstances are different now. now he’s got a ghost living up in his head, that he’s been missing and thinking about more than he’d ever admit to another soul.

i imagine their conversations can only be held in the night, spoken so quietly – barely above a whisper – so as to not alert the guards. the secrecy drown in complete darkness truly adds another layer of surrealism to it all. they never exchange names – the protagonist bc he doesn’t want to compromise himself, and neil bc well, if the protagonist doesn’t bother to offer name then why should he?

the things they talk about are simple, although unclear on whether what is true and what is warped into something not quite a lie, but close. they talk mostly to keep themselves sane (ironic, isn’t it?), to have a little distraction from the horrid things await them when morning comes.

i imagine the protagonist would wake up one day, call for neil, but get no answer in return. he tries more times, through many nights but still, no answer. neil’s just gone, so suddenly, and the protagonist can’t decide which sense of the word is worst. eventually, after a few more days of torture, of wondering and dreading, the protagonist finds his freedom.

it’s a joined effort, from himself and the tenet team sent to rescue him. i imagine the protagonist checking the room besides, finding it vacant of any furniture and living soul. he decides there that, yeah, perhaps the time in and out of inversion, paired with the isolation and torture he was put through, has really done a number on his mental state.

then, some months later, the protagonist would meet the voice in his head once again, but this time, with confirmation that it’s been real all along.

see, neil’s been moved to another holding facility. the antagonists have wanted him to work for them; have taken interests in the research he’s been doing on a particular field of physics and decided that he would be perfect to help them in their malicious plot for greed. neil... well, i wouldn’t say they broke through him, but he did agree eventually. the torture had been too much, and he was tired – he hated having to go back to the cell they were holding him in, facing this sickening dread as he questioned his sanity.

the voice in his cell had been a great reprieve from the undue punishments on his body, but not enough to completely elevate him from the pain of it. so he “broke”. he agreed to work with the antagonists, to save himself since it was obvious that no one ever would.

and that’s how the protagonist finds him again; when he breaks down the antagonists’ second location and discovers a compliant neil seemingly working for the people that was going to put a whole lot of lives in danger for their own greedy purposes. before they can say anything to each other, though, neil’s taken out by another agent – a sleeping dart placed carefully on his neck and pushed. the protagonist never did get the agents’ identity, having lost track of them in the midst of chaos going around him.

later, when neil is put in their medical care facility, the protagonist stands outside of his room, watching him sleep through the glass window and listening to a report about his conditions. it contains everything from the moment neil went missing from his london flat (presumed dead), to the time he’s spent under the antagonists’ captivity, to the point where they found him. then, the protagonist is shown a document, including various equations and graphs and terms that mostly went through his head.

he looks to the reporting agent, expecting a better explanation. the agent points out that the equations are wrong, but so delicately that she would’ve missed it if she hadn’t thought to take another, harder look.

“even if they’d gotten with it, their plan would’ve failed. that document you’re holding in your hand ensures that.” she turns to look at neil, regarding his sleeping figure. “he might’ve given into the idea of ever getting out of their claws, but he never gave in. he never truly gave them what they’d wanted from him.”

all of that winds down to one simple fact: neil’s passed the test, and the protagonist knows what that means. the protagonist has to wait a few hours for it, though; for neil to finally wake up and have his induction into tenet. in the meantime, he sits on the couch inside neil’s room, and waits, watching neil’s eyelids flutter in sleep, and feeling sorrow/rage/frustration grip tight to his being as he thinks about things that has and will happen to neil.

when neil wakes up, the protagonist is just right there to welcome him into the afterlife. he keeps his speech short, giving neil a brief overview of his situation, but neil isn’t really listening. the protagonist’s words blur together, not because of neil’s groggy mind, but because of a single, simple realization. it hits him so hard that he just can’t keep in the lone tear falling from his eyes. the protagonist sees this, and his heart aches – remembering how it’s felt when he was the one who was lying on the bed, getting told that his entire team had failed to make it out alive – and unlike his own recruited, the protagonist tries to comfort neil with, “listen, i know it’s hard—”

but neil just cuts him off entirely, reciting a phrase he’s said before, to the man he’s thought was just a dream his tired mind made up to keep him company at the late hours of the night. it stops the protagonist right in his tracks, staring down at neil, breathing harshly through his lips because he can’t believe it. he’s thought, also, but apparently, he’s thought wrong.

“i’m glad you’re real,” neil says, as he watches the same realization he’s experienced dawn on the protagonist’s face.

the protagonist takes a moment to respond, still a little bit stunned by neil’s words. then, he takes an easy breath, relaxing his tense shoulders, smiles down at neil - small and private, something just for the too of them - and says, “me too.”

because despite everything that had happened to them both during their time in that prison, they still had each other. they were there for each other, and the protagonist gets it now - the beautiful friendship that neil had alluded to. it is quite beautiful - poetic too, maybe - for them to have found each other in such a hopeless place, then lost that connect, then reconnecting it again because fate has willed it so.

the protagonist can’t help, even more so now that they are together again, looking forward to the things they will get up to - as promised. neil’s smile, sleepy yet sincere, tells him the very same thing.

[clansayeed]

Hey Jack! I wanted to know what your thoughts are on Rheya. Was she really a villain to you? Were her motives justifiable? Was she a good villain? Did you think she deserved to have a redemption arc in chapter 16? What could have been written to make her have a better character story? Any thoughts at all about Rheya!

FOREWARNING: Anon... I accidentally wrote you a 2500 word essay. I shit you not this thing is 2,528 words long. So... I don’t know whether to say you’re welcome or I’m sorry. Just letting you know in advance.

ADD-ON POST-POSTING: I’m fully aware this is an app game. A three book series written with sexying vampires in mind. Where the medium is limited both size and content-wise, where you can’t go into much detail because they can only have so many panels in a chapter, etc. Still thinking what I think though. And if you get paid to create content professionally the least you can do for your own paycheck is go back and double-check your work.

Actually this ask came at a good time since I have to work on some character motivations for her for my series... and I always break down the in-canon versions before working on my own. So anon, let’s talk... are you a mind reader?

Kidding! mostly

So. Rheya.

I actually just finished my first replay of book 2 and at the moment I’ve only ever played book 3 the once. I played it as it was releasing so there were some memory gaps in some places and needed-refreshers in others. But on a whole I have similar thoughts about Rheya as I do Xenocrates, and you can find those thoughts here.

Overall she was a solid setup, good design and potential, and PB pretty much wasted her execution.

I wanna start with a genuine question to the fandom since I’ve never actually been able to ask this... but y’all like... totally saw the Bloodkeeper being related to her coming, right? Like I was so convinced of it that when it was revealed in some big dramatic point at the end I was like “yeah... they told us this...?” and it turns out they fuckin didn’t??? Like I could not understand the people who were like super into her sprite like yes she looks good but here I was thinking she was our ancestor from the get-go so I was... confused to say the least.

Not gonna lie when they started pushing in snippets of Rheya’s past trauma in book 2 (things like her yelling “you know what they did to me/took from me” which is paraphrased but you know what I mean) I really hoped they weren’t gonna do what they did. So of course they did it.

But I wish they’d like... just given her the kid. Just give her Iola and leave the weird suddenly random husband out of it. At this point we know Gaius has an unhealthy idolatry for her, we know Xenocrates adored her in his own way in his youth... but we know fuckall about Demetrius up to and including his existence until literally book 3. Sloppy, IMO. They took something not being mentioned and used it to put in a plot device when the omission should have been strategical.

TBH I thought the whole “you know what they did to me” was gonna get hella dark RE: Rheya and King Kaelisus’ obsession with her. That’s as far as I’ll go there.

But you have a Priestess, a known Priestess, who was definitely faithful enough not to stray even when she thought she was walking to her own death. It’s pretty easy to assume (as I did ngl) that she would be completely devoted to Phampira, including romantically/sexually. It would have been a good setup to explain why she never gave Gaius the goods if anything.

And there’s nothing wrong with having said Priestess have her own family while still being devoted. I just wish PB would have used some fucking forethought and hinted at that earlier on than they did. Because they didn’t hint. They dropped this random fisherman-something husband on us and told us she cared enough about his opinion to make him part of her advisory board but not... to like... mention him in any of her conversations in any of the flashbacks... including those in which he would have been alive.

On that note the whole timeline there is really messy, they obviously threw him and Iola in later on after some things were established/couldn’t be taken back. I’ve studied this shit extensively and it’s really muddled exactly how long Rheya ruled, when shit went down with her family, how much time had passed when Xenocrates staked her, etc.

I would have loved for Iola’s father not to have been there. Give me a strong woman, a strong single mother, who would burn the world for the loss of her daughter. Doesn’t matter who did the deed, Iola was hers and the Sons/Order took that from her and the world would have to pay the price.

If I had been given that I would end all of my complaints right here. I would, genuinely. Because then her descent into madness, her paranoia, her megalomania would all have been explained. And they still technically are but -- maybe it’s just me -- there’s something about her having to factor in Demetrius that just... takes me out of it. IDK.

I didn’t mind the guy... though him being a talking tree of doom was a little much for me... though by that point I had accepted the plot was off the goddamn rails and just kept nodding and going with it. But his presence made the story okay when his absence could have made the story impactful and powerful and emotional. That’s just my thoughts. Which you asked for. You did this.

No takesies-backsies.

Was she a villain? Hells to the yes.

It’s a classic case of obtaining ultimate power and abusing it; of crossing the line between justice and vengeance. Not that she wasn’t justified in her freak-out over the death of her family. But everything after up to and including her fatal feeding schedule was totally unnecessary. For a villain, yes necessary. 

For a vampire goddess who could have easily used Gaius’ influence over the vampires of the modern world to form a cult following around herself with an open dialogue about her big ass appetite and probably would have ended up with swaths of willing adorers ready to lend their blood to her cause thus eliminating the need for secrecy and subsequent feeling of betrayal...

You tell me.

I feel like she was definitely more than a little hyped up though. Not even going into my whole-ass issue with the entire Unchained plot and thus the first like 4-5 chapters of book 3, she was hyped up in myth and kind of a let down in person. She could FLY. Walk in the SUN. Heal the DYING. She’s vampire JESUS.

*ADDED IN LATER: She took out THE ENTIRE ORDER OF THE DAWN, WHO HAVE RAVAGED THE VAMPIRE POPULATION FOR LITERALLY 3000 YEARS since they were around in her time after all IN LIKE A THREE-MOVE COMBO BREAK. ALL THIS SHIT THEY HYPED WITH THE ORDER and their entire ERADICATION isn’t even an ON-SCREEN THING. Unless you pay.

Dude if they had kept Xenocrates and the Order and used the two of them against each other; the Order’s long-standing influence on the modern world versus the new world Rheya wanted to create with the human populations not knowing the history behind their hatred, where like the first half of the book is Rheya and MC and gang taking out the Order and Xenocrates only to find out in the middle point that she’s been doing it for selfish reasons and they were on the wrong team the whole time and THEN Rheya becomes the big bad... I would have enjoyed the shit out of that.

Anyway. “She’s vampire JESUS...” and her big evil plan is to... suck face on national television? IDK. It didn’t play the mood right for me. I can see from a writer’s perspective how they kind of played out all of their options and went with a quick and easy solution... but it didn’t work for me. That’s a no from me dawg.

Do I think she deserved a redemption arc? I don’t think anybody deserved a god damn redemption arc, unless they are done with extreme care and attention to detail before/during/after said arc they go horribly, and overall tend to be the plot device pick of lazy writers.

And I take nothing back. No like I think I might have gone into how much I fucking hated Gaius’ “reDEmPtiON aRc” before or at least I have somewhere and to someone. Probably Sofia... no most definitely Sofia. But anyway. They spend TWO GOD DAMN BOOKS hyping Gaius as this ultimately irredeemable bad guy. 

OMG I was literally playing the book 2 finale and got a quote hold on... HERE. Adrian literally says about Gaius in 2.16 “It’s like there’s no humanity left.” And that’s just one actual example of the tons of times they make him out to be devoted to Rheya of his own volition, the ultimate example of the line between believing in something and being blinded to everything by it, etc. Like a huge chunk of Kamilah’s and Adrian’s arcs RE: Gaius are about how he was definitely a monster, he turns the people around him into monsters, and while they have worked their asses off to be good and right their wrongs he has not, will not, and would not ever do such a thing.

Then suddenly he’s brainwashed, tried to turn Rheya down and was made into a loony toon because of it, and everything he made MC’s loved ones do that they blamed themselves for but needed to blame him for is suddenly Rheya’s fault and now we should blame her for.

Mmmmmkay sweetie. I’m good, thanks.

But really -- that was the last straw for me when it came to both Gaius and Rheya. There’s a difference between giving the villain something they see as a just cause (ex. Rheya avenging her family) and giving the villain a cop-out that absolves them of guilt (ex. Gaius and... everything about him). Like yes I know MC didn’t have to forgive him, I know Kamilah didn’t really forgive him, but it’s pretty fuckin obvious from how it was put out into the world story that the writers were trying to lean you towards blaming Rheya and letting Gaius off the hook.

I mean... making him save Lula for real when Rheya saved her for fake earlier on in the book, using Lula as a stand-in metaphor for her own child daughter that she finds out she was the cause of her death for, etc? That symbolism is so transparent I could put it in the asset database.

And I’ll only briefly touch on this since I could write a whole other essay on the matter RE: PB and their fucking constant repetition of this, but “let’s give both bad guys similar moral quandaries but suddenly reveal it was a consent issue and the woman is wholly to blame and now gets the man’s crimes piled on with her own” is super common in fiction and hella. fucking. sexist.

But that isn’t to say all of this is necessarily bad.

When done right, everything I’ve complained about above can be a part of a really good story. What “done right” means is different for everyone, everyone has a different example and different thoughts on it. These are mine. I think the better term would be done well. It was not done WELL.

But given things like PB’s weird obsession with redeeming the attractive (apparently) bad guy, PB’s history with narrowing a woman down to one trait or part of her (ex. Rheya’s power corruption centered around her role as a wife and mother and not... a super all powerful vampire goddess...), their obvious lack of attention to detail and overall lack of vision when it comes to the big picture* and more, I personally don’t think they knew what the fuck they wanted by book 3 and were already well into transitioning into whatever adultery-obsessed lingerie shenanery they’re fixated on now; so much so that it’s almost a disservice to the writing done in earlier book 1 and a decent chunk of book 2 when calling it a whole series.

*I keep bringing this up only because it means I can back up stuff like this with real examples of theirs: these guys did not write the plot of this series as a cohesive story. I get that, as a writer writing a big series myself I get the fuck out of that. But you have to solidify some things early on in the development process in order to avoid writing yourself into a hole or, like with this, having to result in trope-y plot devices that work in theory but on paper don’t give the story the full-circle fulfillment it deserves. 

Their timelines are out of whack, they contradict themselves in quite a few places, constantly wishy-washy their own lore, and definitely didn’t go back and double check if they’d said something already... and that’s not including where they focused on the details of one unimportant thing and left another more important thing to just be “and this is the way it is moving on.”

I literally have no way/idea how to summarize any of this bullshittery going on in this ask. Did I like Rheya? The character personality, design, and overall idea as this big ass badass power/hungry goddess demanding fealty was pretty cool. Did I like Rheya when they narrowed her story down to her grief over her family (which, again, is valid, but just seemed really disjointed and rushed when compared to everything else they had given about her/shown of her by the beginning of book 3)? Not... as much.

I think they wanted her to seem like she could be redeemed. I mean FFS in the “big battle” she literally just stands there and lets you do the thing. 3000 years imprisoned and however many centuries before that spent taking the power that she was denied all because some bad dudes in masks killed the mortal husband and daughter you would have eventually lost to old age anyway...? And she just stands there??? 

Even knowing she was really behind Iola’s death they could have stuck with the “madness consumed” plotline and had her be like well... what’s done is done back to taking over now thank you.

But sometimes a bad guy just has to be a bad guy. Rourke from ES, mister capitalism -- can’t remember them trying to redeem him. If they had I don’t think I would have liked it so much. Who else... UGH. Thomas in NB. Crazy zombie man wants all monsters dead because one killed his family (can we stop using dead families for grief porn please and thanks...) another example of a useless villain. Hence why I removed him from my NB rewrite don’t even get me going...

What’s his face in TCATF! Luther! You join up with him and he still tries to kill you in the end! Now that was fucking classic. Hex, who suddenly is forgiven for the literal enslavement of a race of people and the thoughtless murder of a civilization that didn’t agree with her.. and all because she was ‘like a mother’ to the kid genius? Not so much.

I could go on and on and go search out tons of examples but in the end the one thing you can say PB does well is that they stay consistent in their ideas of redemption, of who deserves it and who isn’t, and just how far they’re willing to stretch the fucking story to forgive a character if 1. the sprite is hot or 2. the sprite had a little sprite family somewhere in there.

legit just talk to me about bb/nb

[theories-just-for-funzies]

“What’s the very worst thing you can do to your very best friends? Tell them your darkest secret, because if you tell them, and they decide they’d rather not know... You can’t take it back. You can’t unsay it. Once you’ve opened your heart, you can’t close it again.”

This is the second post I’m making about BBC Sherlock S4 (or anything about any fandom, really). You can find the first one here, the topic is almost the same. I’m really slow in writing down my theories in a way that is comprehensible by others, so I’m sorry if i don’t have a lot for the moment. Read this with the knowledge that I firmly believe in TJLC as explained by Rebekah on YouTube, and that S4 is not real as we see it, but is telling us what we need to know before they release S5 (or the special if that’ll come first) through unusual ways, TJLC style.

I think here Culverton smith is mirroring the writers, and his friends are the viewers. During the whole scene we have TONS of mirrored shots in the windows, most of it infact. In all of the previous seasons mirrors and character shots in mirrors were there to signal “hey this character is currently mirroring this other thing”, so idk it might be even this time??

Faith when she’s still drugged and tries to remember something about the conference, the first shot of her that we see, she’s in a mirror, even the desk reflect her image. Wander which part of the audience Faith is mirroring? Yeah, you guessed it. The tjlc fandom. The ones that analyze things. The ones that are questioning.

And the nurses? Idk, I’ve never seen a nurse that’s just putting an IV wearing a mask (unless under special circumstances of course), it never happens even when you’re taking blood samples, it just doesn’t ring right to me. So, who are the nurses? They’re people working for Culverton, they know what’s happening, they know what the solution is and what it does, they know how to administrate it, but they leave the room in the moment of confession. The nurses are mirroring BBC Sherlock’s crew.

If you’ve never worked on a set let me tell you: nobody, apart from the smallest possible amount of selected people, knows the whole picture, they can’t risk it, usually it’s just the writers, the producers, and most f the times the main actor; everyone else just knows the smallest informations to do their single job of adjusting the lights or hair for that single scene just like it’s written in their schedule.

So the crew knows partially what they’re doing, but they can’t speak, because their mouth is covered.

I’m thinking this is exactly the reason of S4. S4 is the memory drug. Everything made sense till now, tjlc was more and more evident, it was extremely obvious to everyone that johnlock was an actual thing, i mean just look at the sign of three, MY MOM THOUGHT THEY WERE CANONICALLY IN LOVE BEFORE I EVEN DID (at the time the fandom wasn’t the greatest so I avoided pretty much anything that wasn’t fan fictions or fan art, and just thought it was queer bait). Everything was super clever and well made. And then S4 came. A cheap Hollywood movie where nothing made sense and with john and sherlock great platonic friendship. And it was the last season so how could you not except what they already gave you and still want more, right?

Wrong. S4 is either complete bullshit or a distortion of what actually happens.

Culverton say that he can’t say his darkest secret because he can’t take it back, yet he does tell, and he does take it back.

The show does say that sherlock and john love each other (and are still pining) but S4 takes that back. You want the distorted version? Ok. Sherlock does explicitly says the words “i love you” in S4 to Molly in a physical mirror, a character’s mirror for John, whose description of the coffin perfectly fits John. The show does say that the writers aren’t stupid and aren’t making a tv show that’s just a blockbuster action movie, with cheap Hollywood effects and made up physic laws. Yet S4 takes that back.

The whole thing they kept saying in earlier seasons about “making history of television” and “making unprecedented things”? What unprecedented things? That was extreamely cheap cinematic, with really poor writings and a rip off of James Bond and classic horror movies. Nothing about S4 was memorable or relevant.

They already said everything they had to say (for the moment) but then they couldn’t leave the public waiting for another 6 years before S5 with all that hope and knowledge. Especially considering the fandom suspected even the phone\heart metaphor before ASiB even aired. Leave those people with the tiniest hope and you’d find your plans stripped naked for everyone to see in less than half of that hiatus. That’s really not Moffat style, he needs to give you hope, rip your heart open, surprise you leaving you gasping, only then he can make another plot twist and make everything super beautiful again and making you crying because it’s too many emotions.

So they said their things before S4, the fans that were still not sold on johnlock or didn’t want it canon were the friends who would rather not know, they went on with the brain washing of S4, and said “ok, we’re done here, nothing else to see, the show is finished, good night”. But just as with Faith’s story you can reconstruct if not all, part of what happened; because i don’t know if you noticed, but S4 doesn’t have a lot of plot holes, it is one single gigantic plot hole.

But what happens if they kill everyone just like Culverton Smith said? What happens if they make S4 so bad and destroy everything they said up until now with the show itself? What happens if the same people that were able to decode everything suddenly lost any faith because they were let down so much they just let the fandom die, and there was no one left to analyze what they were actually saying?

Everyone would forget all about TJLC and about how clever of a show it was. They would erase the whole show from people’s memories, letting it pass by like any other show that’s there to fill your Sunday evening.

Also there’s another thing that doesn’t sit right with me, although i don’t have any proof backing this up and am not sure of what I’m saying, it’s basically just speculation, but still. TD12 package:

obviously this drug doesn’t exist, the only thing i came across with that name is a percussion sound module, you’re welcome to make your own theories with this informations since i know absolutely nothing about music technology and am not the smartest tool in the shed when it comes to music theories or clues.

I presume TD12 it’s something along the line of saline solution, since Sherlock made that replacement himself later in the episde, my research (because i also have no knowledge about medical stuff) told me that saline solution has en expiration time of roughly 2 years. On the package we see that the expiration’s date is October 2018, so counting back, assuming Culverton got the drug shortly before doing his speach, the scene takes place somewhere around October 2016. Wander what happened in October 2016?

On BBC Sherlock official YouTube channel they release just one video: Sherlock Series 4 release date. Now. You might say I’m looking a little to much into it, but if you go check the release dates of the other YouTube videos you would see that they usually don’t post just one video per month, that’s the only one around that time period. Idk if you ask me it’s a lot of strange coincidences.

Anyway, in the scene he then says “these drip feeds will keep the drug in your blood streams at exactly the right levels. Nothing that is happening to you now will stay with you for more than a few minutes. I’m afraid that some of the memories you’ve had up to this point might also be... corrupted.”.

So the victims starting now, will continue to take the drug for the next idk 30 minutes???? But apparently some of the events preceding that moment can be “corrupted”. Translated: everything starting from October 2016 is fucked up because of the drug, not only that, but also some things from before that. I’m guessing the “drips” would be the little occasional posts or news??

Might I add the information that in December 2018 the escape room Sherlock the game is now opened? Like, i know it’s not October, maybe I’m just looking where i want to look, but... I genuinely don’t know, that’s why I’m sharing things, so that people with a more objective point of view can come and say to me “hey you’re not making any sense, what the fuck are you talking about”.

And overall, I’m not native English speaker, but I don’t think you say “corrupted” when talking about human memories. It sounds more something used in the context of digital memories, usually it’s files that gets corrupted, not human brain memories.

[thekihyun]

hello :)

Long time no see... I feel so bad for leaving this blog without updates for so long, but i needed a break. I needed to renew my energies, see the world, and refresh my mind. So many things have happened in my life since Wonho’s departure (which was when i stopped posting) and i wanted to share it here, but i just didnt have enough strenght... Wonho’s departure was too painful to me, it was like missing a friend, missing someone who’s part of my life. It affected me in ways i couldn’t ever imagine. Seeing the boys hurt, all the fight on twitter... that sucked out all my energy. 

As i said, lots of things have happened in the past months... as some of you may or may not know, i’m currently taking a master degree in botany, and i work at a lab studying alga. I went to a congress to present my work and i won an award because of my research... and im my schedule will be very tight in the next months. Ive been writting articles and co-working on some other researches. Also... i have a boyfriend now, he’s such dork and i love him with all my heart. He doesnt like kpop tho, no one is perfect lol Anyways, these are the updates...

As ive said so many times in this blog, to me, monsta x are not just a group of boys who sing and dance... they are people who inspire me, who make me feel better, who have taught me so much, and pushed me to go and try do things. THEY REALLY MEAN SO MUCH TO ME haha leaving this blog with no updates..... bothers me so much, since i love it, i created it 2 years ago, and because of it i was able to speak... to share things (something i was nothing feeling confortable on doing with irl friends). It helped me to meet people that now i consider not only best friends, but family. I even met some of them in real life, went to the mx concert with them and with some of them i go out regularly. It was only possible because of Monsta x. 

What will happen to this blog...? Well, i would never delete it... it is like, a part of me, it is something i love and cherish. I decided that i will try to be active on here as much as i can, it wont be everyday, but i will occasionaly show up to rb something, or to randomly post some gifs/gfx. 

I would like to thank everyone who still follows me, despite my lack of posting... and welcome the new followers ive gained idk how aksjdhkajsd Please feel free to message me whenever, ask me anything, whatever you want! Hopefully i still can be a content creator, keep updating my masterlists, and hopefully being of some help to old and newbebes! <3

I hope 2020 will be kind to us all! 

Much love!

Amanda

[liquifiedstars]

21

rly excited about tmr.. well, a couple hours later today haha

itll be the first time ill be going out since quarantine started around the 15th of march for me! :] unfortunately i cant visit my bf bc.. strict asian parents... h.. but im really excited to go to the grocery store!! ive been craving musubi for a while now... also bibimbap with raw egg... yum teehee

so im probably going to purchase the ingredients for both dishes and see if i could make it at home! i made a list earlier of everything i want but im pretty sure that im bound to 4get something rip

ooh also ive been wanting sangaria’s milk so theres that too aaaaa..,. might get cheap store sushi too because for some reason ive been wanting that more than actual sushi? lol also eel bowls.. yay, but yeah really excited about later today! :-) might actually post irl pictures for once on here maybe haha but i usually do that on my ig..

school’s not over for me yet, i still have up until june 12th :-( my summer break is about two months long? its super short

idk why it makes me kind of sad because compared to other people i know outside of my school district and my online friends, their break is a lot longer.. i guess this is what happens when you’re attending a competitive school :-(

i feel like im one of the few people that genuinely want school uniforms at my school, i feel like it would make the environment here a lot more... idk easy? idk how to explain it, like.. yea just easier to be in and a lot less anxiety inducing idk

i don’t mind wearing blazers or skirts and button up tops tbh, those uniforms are cooliooo!! like the preppy schools over here lol..

im trying to get back into drawing but everything having to do with me, especially with waht i make i automatically hate it but i try not to? also i just feel like idk empty most of the time

maybe its just because i really miss my bf lol

i forgot, because of covid i wasnt able to give my gifts to him last month for our anniversary :[ but he said that its ok!! maybe icould have it be a welcome back to school giftinstead?? idk its a dumb idea i know LOL

i kind of want to get more into cosplay, but its really expensive and i just.. have better things to spend my money on. i want to cosplay as shouko nishimiya from a silent voice for this halloween though and at anime cons in my area :]

i dont think people would recognize her because her design isnt exactly super duper distinct but its ok! idm hehe

anyway thats all im gonna write about for now, im just kind of tired at the moment

i finally am starting to fix my sleep schedule though, ive been sleeping at about 2-4 am instead of pulling allnighters up until 12 pm lol... so thats cool i guess

but i mean my parents pretty much forced me to do that so blehh but its fine, at least im not burned out all the time whenever i have schoolwork to do

[chrsitophwaltz]

MICKEY MEETS FC BAYERN (PART 1/4)

for the entire houston clownery experience click here

psa: excuse my face and the pic qualities. up until this happened i haven’t really taken pictures of myself (less than 10 in the past two years for family and work purposes and NEVER selfies) and when you meet people you’ve only seen on TV in a very unexpected circumstance, then don’t expect your brain and motor functions to work 100%.

okay. i posted part 1 of this a few days ago but i’m gonna redo it again to flush out the details. before i start, know that i arrived in houston wednesday afternoon. my original flight back home was scheduled sunday after the game (i booked my flight and lodgings months before like a good binch) but since bayern clowned again and announced the full detailed schedule really late, and put ALL the major fan stuff on SUNDAY, i grudgingly rebooked and extended one more day. how much that one extra day cost me will haunt me for a while but hey, it was more than worth it! of course, i didn’t know it would work out like that at first...

the hotel reception was around 6:30-7 pm on friday so we went there a few hours earlier to get good spots. met up with The Niko Thirst Gang (big shoutout to @screamingoranges, @saquonbrkley, and @simplyirenic! it was great meeting y’all hope we could do it again sometime) and waited patiently in the houston heat and humidity outside the hotel. finally the team bus arrived and got my shirt signed by boa, fiete, benji, leon, and thomas! made a post about it here and i also have the full reception video if y’all wanna see!

but being the greedy thirsty binch that i am, i wasn’t satisfied at all. thiago and niko weren’t there. the coaching staff were the first to go down and hansi flick, dr. broich, and even Witch Doctor™ müller-wohlfahrt were there, but NOT niko. after the bus left and all the other entourage cars were off, i was about to rage outside the hotel bc i was really banking on seeing niko that day and taking a pic with him there (my blood pressure had been raging for 4 hours and then to be let down just like t h a t...). apparently he and thiago went straight to nrg stadium from the airport for a press conference. and guess what? NRG STADIUM WAS JUST DOWN THE ROAD FROM MY PLACE 💀💀💀

anyway, come saturday and it was game day! i was so pumped since my seat was five rows behind the bayern bench! y’all know what that means: unlimited firsthand access to peak drama!!! i also had this huge ass sign asking for niko’s bottle sdhfsdjfh. the game was great (bc we beat madridies and it was just really exciting all the way) and i saw stuff that we normally don’t get from TV (e.g. ALL the angry niko antics, leon changing into his kit on the bench, etc.) at one point niko finally looked at my direction while drinking from his bottle and i’m pretty sure he saw my sign but he just kept on drinking sultrily from that goddamn bottle sjadhksfksdfdk i hate him!!!!!!!

after the game i was feeling pretty let down and desperate bc i know sunday was the team’s last full day in houston and i didn’t want my extension to be for nothing. the practice session and paulaner bbq were invite-only events (ugh) and the mall meet-and-greets won’t have niko or everyone else in them. so i set my alarm, went to bed, and decided to try my luck by randomly going to the hotel again to see if i can get something. i had no idea if it was gonna work or not. it was a shot in the freaking dark.

sunday morning. 8:30 am. i went out armed with a sharpie, my cardboarded jersey, a pack of gum, and two bottles of water.

my uber drove me to the hotel entrance and i even got the whole five star welcome sjdhfsjdfbjkds

hotel staff: ”hi! welcome to the post oak hotel!”

me: “oh lmao i’m not actually a customer i’m just here to see if the team’s still here. have they left for practice yet?”

hotel staff: “oh no problem at all. they’re still here they just finished breakfast i think”

me: “oh cool i’ll just wait here then”

hotel staff and some guy in a bayern audi fcb tour polo shirt: “it’s so hot here, though. don’t you want to wait inside?”

me:

me: “............i can do that? am i allowed in?”

bayern guy: *shrugs* yeah sure. i’ve seen you around before anyway (nice guy talk for: i know ur stalking them lmao)

just like that.

i’m in. i made it.

u n s u p e r v i s e d. totally no barriers whatsoever. with full blast A/C too!

cue happy lil me, relieved to be out of the houston heat, entering the hotel and chilling in their nice plushy seats. (if y’all have cash to burn, it looks like a real good hotel too if you get to houston sometime). i kept on looking over my shoulder bc i still can’t believe they just let me in like t h a t. i tried to make myself look as harmless and innocent as possible and saw some of the training staff milling around and chatting in german (for a moment i thought i was back in munich it was so surreal). at some point, a very sleepy and very casual javi martinez in slides came up to the reception and i nearly passed out. he looked over at me and i waved and said hi and raised my shirt (signal if he wants to sign). he shook his head no and gestured to reception and i was like “oh sure no problem!” (i was trying not to freak out even if i was sad ok)

i’ve been trying to kill time by screaming here on tumblr until about 10-15 minutes later i heard the huge ass team bus pull up out front. a few moments after that, it all started.

i saw the kitmen carrying stuff to the bus and greeted them “guten morgen!” they were so cheery lmao (idk if it’s bc they just had breakfast or bc i greeted them in german). then i saw dr. broich and hansi flick come out in their training gear (both looking hella tanned sfnsjfjsdfn) and greeted them both again. dr. broich waved, said hi, and went straight to the bus but i was able to flag hansi down for an autograph. in my excitement (he was my first catch of the day!) i forgot to ask for a pic ugh but oh well

me: “thanks hansi! and welcome to bayern!”

hansi: *handing me back my shirt and trying (and failing) to put my sharpie back in its cap* “oh, thanks so much!”

after hansi went on his merry way, i saw dieter nickles (the press conference guy) and asked him for a picture and autograph too.

me: “hi dieter! can i please have a photo and an autograph?”

dieter: “are you sure? i’m not a player...”

me: “haha i know but if it’s all the same to you...”

he seemed pretty chuffed that i knew him and happily signed and took pictures (score #2!)

that was it for a while (they were the early birds) until giovane elber himself came out. i freaked (i love him) and tried to keep my voice from shaking when i asked him for the standard photo and autograph. in my haste, the first was pretty blurry and against the light but giovane, angel that he is, was like “oh no that’s bad. let’s try again” and maneuvered me to another angle. success! i luff u, giovane ;__;

then The Voice of the Allianz Arena himself came out. i semi-shouted “stephan!” and startled him that he nearly dropped his coffee snbfsdbfsdfsb. while he was signing my shirt, i asked him if he could give me a lil soundbite and HE DID! he sounds exactly the same as he does on TV during games omfg

the younglings started to come out too. i missed a few of them because they went out in a group so i was only able to flag down sarpreet and ron. oh well! they cute af! go bayern babies! grow up and save us from clownery!!!!!!

(ignore the pen in my mouth i was multitasking lmao)

after that, the ground started to shake (just kidding) bc Big Uncle Nik was there! after i got his autograph (a very simple N.S. lmaooo) , we tried to take a picture. i say “tried,” because i’m 5′3 (and 1/2....on a good day) and he’s built like a fuckin skyscraper. in the end, since he was so nice and realized it was hopeless, he bent down to my level so we could both fit in the frame sdhfbsdjfsbdfjd COME ON SÜLEEEEE

then Pure Angel Baby Fiete came out! i already got his autograph and had a pic with him in the hotel reception, but hey, one more can’t hurt! lemme tell y’all: he looks like an angel, and IS an angel. he’s always so game for photos and even said thank you after we took the pic and i’m like “um???? no, thank YOU!!!” he laughed and i cried lmaooo

also, javi finally showed up again. i raised my pen and phone and he was like “oh sure! yeah!” my brain was fried from Beautiful Athlete Overload that i forgot NOT to take a pic from that cursed angle. javi looked like he was in a hurry though so i didn’t even try to ask for a better pic. oh well, at least here he looks like he came down from heaven (he really looked like he did huehue)

(tumblr has this stupid 10 photo per post limit thing so stay tuned for more pics in part 2!)

[chatchalita]

I feels like writing something, since I rarely write things these days and I feels like my English will go down the drain soon, if I’m not writing.

Since I impulsively bought a plane ticket again, it’s time for me to summarize my other two trips I had this year as like a build-up for my upcoming new adventure the Taiwan trip in November. 

This first post is about my side trip from business trip...I guess

I don’t know how I usually start my traveling post, I guess I start with a disclaimer that this post is not informative at all, just me writing about my trip for future me to reminisce about it.

It has been 2 years since I last visit Mikawa Anjo, the last time was for internship purpose, (which I happened to not write about the experience :/)  I was greeted by the familiar feelings, I missed this place.  I finally semi-ly made it back.  I worked hard in this company for the past 1 year and I feels like it paid off a little.

This trip was my 6th time in Japan and took 14 days (Aug, 18th- Sep, 1st).  Since this is a business trip, I’m able to ride Thai Airways, finally something that not low-cost and I’m able to load my luggage lol. The flight is TG644, I arrived at Japan around 8am, I decided to stop by my hotel for luggage storage, then go on an adventure to Okazaki Castle.  

Before Okazaki Castle, I visited about 6 Japanese castles, so I know what I should expected from the castle.  And spoiler alert, it was disappointing for me, I don’t know why, maybe because I’m burned out from visiting castle, or maybe because I saw a greater castle?  Or maybe because I expected something from the castle that said to be the birthplace of Tokugawa Ieyasu? The Evangelion exhibition saved this castle from a total disappointment, at least there are something interesting.  

After the castle I went back to my hotel and then meet up with my boss and some Japanese co-workers for a little nomikai.  Alcohol intake, not that much.

The second day, which is Monday, it’s the old atmosphere everybody was as welcoming as ever.  I only spent half day there because I had to visit other supplier factory in Gifu, I’m still cursing myself for not taken any photos in my phone (for the location purpose), then that night another nomikai, and this time I drunk so much sake that actually made me drunk and made me worry for tomorrow.  I’m not the kind of person to have hangover, so I didn’t worried about that, I was more worry about  how much alcohol I will have left in my blood, since Tuesday, I will have to attend welcome party.

Tuesday, another nomikai, thank god my body can handle another round.  That day, I was not drunk whatsoever, but I did drink Calpis sawla for at least 5 glasses, and other other things...overall probaby 15-20 glasses of alcohol.  Those are nothing to sake I previously drunk on Monday though.

Wednesday, nothing worth mentioning ohh except I walked 2 km for Matsumoto Kiyoshi to get the stuffs ppl asked me to buy for them.

Thursday, yakiniku with my co-workers.

Friday, actually nothing?

So one week has passed, most the weekdays activity either hung out” with my co-workers or went to grocery shopping, my co-workers (in Thailand) asked me to buy kimono for them, and they keep called it yukata.  It was a short kimono that you wear with hakama, these people want to wear them as “fashion”, these really culture appropriation *sigh*

Saturday, Saturday, where did I go on Saturday...oh Meiji Mura...again.  I actually went there two years ago to dress in Hakama while this year is to see very small fireworks with actual same age people.  Because I already went there once, not many pictures were taken 

Sunday, the manager in charge of me took me to Iga, MIe to see some ninja.  Iga Ueno castle is actually in the list of castle I want to visit.  If you talking about Iga ninja, Hattori Hanzo, probably the famous ninja from that “school”?

The ninja demonstration was interesting, idk what I expected, I guess I did low-key expected movie stunts ninjutsu, but it turned out to be just ninja technique.

I do loves Iga Ueno Castle since I could see both the life of ninja and samurai in one place.  The ninja village is really fun place and touristy.

So far the day went very well and pretty much free since the manager paid for everything, but my dumbass has to be extra and went to Nishio to see lantern festival (alone).  And you know what, the taxi cost 6000 yen round-trip just for the station to the festival ground.  And this is what 6000 yen gave me...

It only 8pm and the festival already over.  I learned something new every time I went to Japan.  Apparently, 8pm is late for the festival.  I live in the city, 8pm is still early for me.  

Monday, kaiten sushi with the same age people

Tuesday, in the afternoon I went to Toyohashi to see printing factory and the person asked me what is the food that I want to eat but have not eaten yet, and I replied “unagi”, which is something very expensive.  

I think this was about 5000 yen for a set.  In the evening, he treated me tempura like in actually tempura shop, where the chef actually fried tempura in front of us.

As a nekojita, I was suffering but it was so delicious.

Wednesday, I got stood up by the manager that took care of me 2 years ago.  No biggie.

Thursday & Friday, spent my last day in Anjo as lonely as ever.  (and spent 2 hours try to figure how to pack everything in my suitcase because of what people asked me to buy)

Saturday, I bought a day tour from Klook to Takayama and Shirakawago, the thing about tour is it convenience and probably cheaper than finding the transportation myself, but the downfall always, the time.  There are not enough time!!  I guess that is something I have to accept when it a day trip.  In the bus, I was the only non-Chinese speaking person there.

Takayama...I was eating, so I didn’t had much time to explore, but you know what I feels like if you went to Kyoto, you don’t need to go to Takayama.  It has it own charmed, I just didn’t had enough time to enjoy its charm.

The raw beef is the best out of the 3, this Hida beef made visiting Takayama worth it.

Next stop, Shirakawago, the highlight of the trip.  The sunlight and everything made the pictures look colorful and amazing.  The photos taken there was one of my favorite set of photos of all my trips. 

Shirakawago, a place I would loved to visit again during winter and spent more time there.  Due to the lack of time, I can only take pictures of here and there instead of absorb myself.  I wanted to visit more museum, more historical stuff, but the time is limited :/

After the day tour, I went to Hikone and stay at the hotel there.

Sunday, the last day let’s make it count.  I first planned to go see Tonbokiri in western shiga (which I forgot the name of the place), but because it was so far away and I don’t want to wake up early and my main goal was HIkone castle.  I ended up with visited Nagahama Castle in the morning.  That Sunday probably the day I cursed google map the most because the train schedule in there just not right!  I didn’t missed the train, but like the map told me it departs at 9, I arrived at 8:50, the trained in the google map is the train that not stop in this station like what’s going on.  And that happened a lot that day, I probably spent like almost 2 hour in (different) train station because the time in google map was earlier than the actual train. 

Anyway, back to Nagahama castle, a castle built by Totoyomi Hideyoshi

In my opinion, definitely better than Okazaki, the overall atmosphere made it “feels” more significant than Okazaki castle.  The view from the tenshuu is very pretty, in which you can actually see Biwa lake.

I just loves this kind of scenery.

After Nagahama, I went to Omi-Hachiman for some unknown reason.  I’m like that awkward person that wouldn’t push the stop button because nobody seem to get off at this stop, and just kept riding the bus until many ppl get off.  I mean they are Japanese people, they know what’s good right?  Turned out, the popular spot Japanese people are going is like a “dessert park” called La Collina, I called it dessert park because they mainly sell dessert there, and “park” because they have large greenery area.

Their most famous dessert is Baumkuchen, I personally not that big fan of it, so I bought the small size along with macaron.

Then, I followed google map to Omihachiman canal area to find the bus to get back to the station.

The canal area is what I intended to go.

I’m glad I was awkward and decided to follow Japanese people because I got have variety of scenic photos.

Next stop, the highlight of this trip Hikone Castle, 1 of the 12 original castles yayyy.

I love Japanese garden, so first visited the garden in the castle area and just like other garden I visited (except Kokura Castle garden), i was not disappointed.

The Hikone Castle, I loved the castle that I have to work my way to see the tenshu.  I love climbing, just to see castle.

The view from the tenshu also amazing.

After HIkone, I went back to Nagoya to see my same age co-workers? friends? comrades? again for the last time, and we ate “Taiwanese Ramen” which just spicy ramen

And then I got back at the airport, which seem very empty at night.

Good bye, Aichi.  I hope they will send me there for business trip again next year.  

If you read this far, stay tuned for another Japan trip, which is like 2 weeks later from this Japan trip.

[yoonia]

Mission Accomplished!

HOLY CRAP I DID IT!

After writing so much for the whole month, I am now truly lost for words. Honest to God, I was so close to giving up. With so many obstacles heading my way since the very beginning, from having to deal with my cat’s illness, having to deal with an early final graduation project submission at uni, then getting involved in two major projects from my workplace, and in the end, getting sick in the middle of it due to overworking and lack of sleep, I already lost any hope I had of succeeding.

But it was like things were meant to happen as it is. 

I knew that carrying my writing journal at all times would eventually do myself good. Because even when I found myself unable to sit in front of my laptop to write, I was still writing. Whether it was in the middle of a meeting, in the middle of project visitations, in the car, while commuting to downtown or to visit my big bro, at the vet, at the hospital, I was constantly scribbling all the ideas I had in my head and later found myself writing either a whole paragraph, a whole scene that helped me get out of a block, or long dialogues to add into a recurring scene I was working on. Then right when I was so close to getting strayed to focus on new WIPs that suddenly came to me, I got some sort of a revelation or an epiphany (idk what to call it) and words kept flowing out of me to allow me to finish Blood Moon Rising. Yes, I still strayed out of my initial plan, but since I got a lot of work done in the end, I really got nothing to complain about /cue nervous laugh here/

Anyway, I’m just so relieved that I decided not to quit and that I finally made my goal of 50k in 30 days. Here’s a little list of what I actually been working on:

About Time - revamped Pt. 1-10 - added around 12k to the original version (all have been posted, scene by scene, on Wattpad and Inkitt)

About Time - Pt. 11 - added around 12k (draft will complete at 15k. well, maybe)

About Time - Pt. 11.5 (Jungkook) - added around 2k

Blood Moon Rising - Pt. I - nearly 7k (completed)

Blood Moon Rising - Pt. II - somewhere around 8k (completed)

Blood Moon Rising - Pt. III - nearly 9k (completed)

Blood Moon Rising - Pt. IV - added nearly 1k

Tidal Waves - epilogue for Intertwine - added nearly 2k

Nocturne - Pt. 2 - added nearly 2k

Flux: Ripples - added around 2k

28 Days - Pt. 3 - added around 3k

If you’re wondering why it seems like I was working on a lot of stuff, then you are definitely not wrong T^T I have a problem with something called short attention span, which happens only because I am always dealing with a lot of things at the same time, so I always jump to other WIPs whenever I get stuck on one. You might be able to see how messy my whole writing process has been if you check out my progress tracker (totally not advised to, but you are welcome to do so lol)

I just want to send all the greatest and warmest thanks to everyone who has been supporting me and motivating me, and to all my writing buddies who I would occasionally check on just to get myself that little push to finish the whole thing. And to those of you who have been sending me love either here on Tumblr, on Twitter, or on any other platforms where I have been active on. I am truly, deeply grateful to have you guys by my side. 

A little note on publishing the writings I have finished: I will continue doing my posting process as to how I have been doing it for the last few months. I will start editing the completed drafts one at a time and will be posting them on either Wattpad or Inkitt first, scene by scene, before posting the completed versions on Tumblr. That being said, I will be focusing on editing the finished works alongside a few others all through December. I will be updating my WIP list along with my posting schedules pretty soon. Some spoilers will also be thrown out occasionally while I am working on them. 

As for now, I will celebrate my achievement by...catching up sleep. A lot. And most probably added by cuddling with my cats. I’ll be ending this post to show my best regards to this month’s muses ♡

[akiiwan]

I really need to get out this experience I just had earlier tonight. Thank you for reading & holding space if you are able. ~Not sure how to CW this, still shaking, still feeling like I'm going to throw up.~ First of all, my therapist has told me that I need to practice not isolating myself & talking about the things that cause me hurt &/or trauma instead of pretending they didn't happen, stuffing them away, or trying to run from them. I have been tapering off of a psychiatric med that for me(or my brain) has not been a good experience for about 3 weeks or so. For the last few days I've found myself in crisis that can't even really be explained with life altering symptoms like self harm that I really don't feel like going further into. Not only am I in the middle of switching psychiatrists, but the next appointment I have is over 3 weeks out. The old white dude I was seeing that I transferred from is out of the country apparently & didn't properly tapper me off. When the nurse I spoke with today spoke with the only doctor who was available, they said I was having very severe (but common!!!) withdrawal symptoms from tapering off of this med. Mind you, this is after I've already self-harmed & was trying not to do it again despite feeling that way + dealing with intense suicidal ideation. ANYWAY, 10 minutes before 5pm, when the nurse & doctor are scheduled to leave, she calls me back & says that I need to get to the pharmacy immediately to pick up a 1/2 dosage to keep tapering down & would be sending it in right then. The pharmacy I like to use has limited hours, & also closes at 5pm (would Never have made it). So I reluctantly had them call it into the so-called tumwater walm*rt pharmacy since they would be open until 9pm. we get into the car & the nurse informs me that i need to hang up with her & actually call them to make sure they got it with no issues before they leave for the weekend. I did that & confirmed I was all set to go + also let the pharmacy know I was on my way when I called. Arriving at the pharmacy, driving through the parking lot at walm*rt it's literally a fucking 'maga' convention or some shit. Driving by the main entrance to park there's literally a truck with a sticker of "make america great ag*in" on their back window & an old white couple loading shit into it. I couldn't fuckin take it anymore, as we passed in the car, I rolled the window down & yelled "america was never great & will never fucking be great". Apparently that was enough to start a bunch of shit... We (my husband & I) go park just a little further away than normal bc of the snow & bc it was so busy. I stayed at our car to rant a little bit before going in to try releasing some of the anger & tension that caused, but apparently to no avail as a wmart employee (of course, some old white guy doing carts) watched me the entire time, even as I walked up to the store. Before I even got to the door, I noticed that same employee that had been watching me that I was trying to just walk past gave me the most aggressive & honestly terrifying look. While still walking, not even breaking stride to engage, I shouted at him "fuck all you maga losers" or something to that effect I really cannot remember to be honest. All I know is I know I was on a mission & actually really focused to go get my medication & get the Fuck Out. So while I defended myself from his purposefully intimidating + vicious gaze just by no longer saying silent, he got on his radio & said hell knows what on it. I continued walking fast, straight to the pharmacy with no further words, just trying to get there as fast as my body could carry me. As I walked up to the counter there was a small line with 1 person standing & (of course) a random middle-aged white guy sitting waiting in line 2nd. I politely asked him if he was in line while my husband stood in front of me & offered me to sit while he stood to wait. He confirmed being in line. Directly after, some large old white guy I've never seen (about 6'2" maybe 6'4" or something) got behind my husband. To distract myself from anxiety/everything that just happened, I started talking to him about stuff we did the day before. The old white guy that came up & stood behind my husband stood there for a few seconds, then threateningly walked up to me as I was sitting down waiting & literally interrupted me talking to my husband + said to me "you should clean up your mouth, no one wants to hear that language, you're in public"... "you should go home then if you don't like it, you fucking racist." I said. OF COURSE, of freakin course the middle aged white dude on the other side completely entered himself into this & said "how does this have *anything* to do with race?!" like he had ANY CLUE what was going on. I said one more thing like something to the effect of "yeah I know what this is really about you heard me tell whoever that you maga losers can all fuck off" to both of them - basically he had coincidentally heard what I said to those old white people or some shit idk honestly. IT GETS BETTER - (sarcasm, obviously) The store manager, assistant store manager, & the rest of his entire entourage -literally all white people- ambush us at the pharmacy & say they will not be filling my emergency script & I can leave for ""harassing their customers"". The store manager (some 100% bald middle-aged white dude who no shit literally looked like a fucking skinhead) & whoever the fuck was next to him would not even look at me nor acknowledge me As A Person. They even said right in front of me like I wasn't even there they would only speak with my husband (who also happens to be white). No shit. As my husband tries calmly to explain our/my situation, he cut him off & this dude(store manager apparently) looked at me for one split second with the most disgusted & threatening look even leaning into it, said "what is your name"? "I don't need to give you that information" I replied. He literally turned on his heel & said "fine, I'll just get it from the pharmacy" like that isn't illegal as all hell. My husband, trying to de-escalate & just get my emergency script at this point & save me from more BS told him my deadname right in front of me as the sm stormed off with his entourage. 2 employees remained. The assistant store manager - a white woman who looked confused + shocked? i guess idk I have problems reading people as someone who is neurodivergent. There was also another employee who was also a white woman who had visible tattoos. Long story short, they sit with me while my husband & myself wait once the shit ass of a store manager informed them they would be filling it bc the wmart employee with the tattoos literally confirmed EVERYTHING in my story as she walked by at the time of the old white man approaching me FIRST when I was sitting down in line. After filling my script I walked directly out the door to the EXACT same wmart employee that started all of this. He had already been tipped off not to engage or even look at me (like he did before). So instead as we walked to our car he made sure to exert his "power" over me by walking as close as possible while passing opposite directions on the sidewalk in front of the store. I wish I was making this up. Not even going to try to sugar coat it, I feel scared as hell making this post for So Many reasons. I know I am a light-skinned &/or a "white-passing" POC that does pass either way in certain situations. Being mixed with white, regardless of whether it's winter or summer, I still benefit from this viscous cycle that is white supremacy. I know that & I acknowledge that. So it just makes this post that much more awkward I suppose?, but I know I cannot invalidate my own experiences & I also cannot change how I am perceived as I move through the world. It's definitely different every damn day. So much so that I never really know where I stand or where my presence is welcome or unwelcome or what to even expect from people.

TL:DR; My friends of color in this area or passing through: stay the fuck away from the tumwater walm*rt literally at all fucking costs. it's 100% unsafe.

Thankful as all hell for the community I've chosen to surround myself with & that we've moved into an area that seems a lot safer & with a lot more POC community to connect with + continually feel safe around to help manage my C-PTSD.