#anyway. song stuck in my head all day and thats Her Voice so

[skunkes]

do you really want to huuurt meeeee

[auspicious-manner]

I’m in a Newsies Broadway phase rn, the songs keep playing in my head. can you make one where it’s just the cast of Newsies and the reader messing around?

AFTER OVER TWO MONTHS FINALLY ANOTHER UPDATE!!

as i finished writing this, i remembered how much i missed writing :,)

anyway, i’ve been stuck in my newsies bway phase for like a year now oopsies. do i regret it? nope, not at all. also, i’m going to assume this means the real life cast and not the actual newsboys!

female reader x newsies cast

warnings: none

Leap of Faith

•

for Y/N, being apart of the original broadway cast of newsies was a once in a lifetime opportunity. with all of the amazing doors the show has opened for her, there also comes the band of idiot boys the show comes with. sometimes, they annoyed the hell out of her. other times, they were little presents wrapped in a bow gifted to her by the theater gods.

in the show, Y/N understudies katherine and plays the only female newsie. which, being surrounded by boys every day, subjects her to some bullying from the boys. not serious bullying, of course, but playfulness. it also didn’t help that she was one of the younger cast members in the show, which subjected her to even more prodding from her fellow newsboys.

Y/N arrived to the theater two minutes after she was supposed to be there. she liked being fashionably late, but when she arrived late, she had to watch out for the boys who were looking at her every move. they seemed to always be watching.

“surprise!” a voice yelled as a pair of arms wrapped around her waist and spun her around. she gasped, not sure who took hold of her. she whipped her head around to find mike faist with a devilish grin, who set her down.

“god mike, what was that for?” she asked.

he shrugged. “you were late.”

she rolled her eyes and contained her laugh. “you are just something else.”

she walked towards the direction of her dressing room as mike followed her like a puppy.

“hey mike?” Y/N asked as she continued walking with mike still on her tail.

“yeah?” he replied.

“why are you following me?”

“i don’t know, i’m bored,” he said, picking up his pace so he was walking next to her.

“hey Y/N,” ben fankhauser said, joining the pair as they walked to her room.

“we’re really just getting the gang together to have a party in my dressing room, aren’t we?” she asked with a sigh, not expecting an actual answer.

“yep.”

she got to her room, and jeremy jordan was sitting in her seat alongside kara lindsay in their shared room.

“look who finally decided to show up!” jeremy said, casually leaning back into the seat and throwing his arms up.

Y/N’s jaw dropped. “i was two minutes late!”

jeremy stood up and stood in front of her. “that’s two more minutes you could have spent here,” he said, pointing a finger. Y/N rolled her eyes playfully as jeremy walked past her and patted her shoulder. “i’ll see you all later!”

jeremy left the room, leaving ben, Y/N, mike, and kara. however, their small group didn’t last for long, because andrew keenan-bolger and tommy bracco popped their heads into the room.

“are you guys having a party in here without me?” tommy asked before inviting himself in.

Y/N put her head in her hands. “i can’t believe this is actually happening, i just want to get dressed,” she said, hearing kara giggle in response.

“we’re forcing a party against Y/N’s will because she was late,” ben replied.

tommy laughed. “thats my kind of party.”

“but doesn’t that punish kara since they share a room? kara was here on time,” andrew suggested, resulting in a nod from kara.

“you’re right, we’ll come back when kara’s done getting ready, for her sake,” mike said, leading the boys out. “this won’t be the last time you see us.”

the door closed, and Y/N basked in the silence. “god, they are so annoying sometimes.”

she got her costume that was hung up in the closet. it was a traditional newsies outfit, with capri pants and a long sleeved shirt with a vest around the front.

“as annoying as they are, they must really like you if they mess with you that much. they wouldn’t do this to someone they weren’t fond of,” kara said, applying her makeup.

“i guess you’re right,” Y/N said, changing out of her clothes out of view from kara. “they’ve just got a strange way of showing it.”

the girls worked on getting ready together, and kara dragged out her process because she knew as soon as she left the room, it would be taken over by boys and Y/N would be subject to dealing with them once again. but, she couldn’t avoid it any longer, and she grabbed her essentials and walked out to get her wig placed, but not before wishing Y/N good luck.

as soon as kara rounded the corner and disappeared out of sight, tommy bracco walked past her door, made eye contact with Y/N, and called down the hallway for mike.

“you boys are just relentless, aren’t you?” Y/N asked, applying the last of her makeup.

“don’t be late next time,” tommy said as mike and ben came into her room.

“you guys would have done this even if i wasn’t late, lets be real.”

ben shrugged. “maybe. we only do it because you’re easy to mess with.”

“gee, thanks,” she replied sarcastically.

“have you warmed up yet?” mike asked, sitting next to her. she continued looking into her mirror as she twisted her hair onto her head in order for it to fit under her newsies cap.

“no, you?” she asked.

“nope. the guys and i were just about to stretch, do you want to join us?”

Y/N looked at mike, and then tommy. “i’m not going to be bullied by the rest of you if i do, right?”

tommy raised his eyebrows. “not anymore than normal.”

Y/N considered it. “okay deal, i’ll be ready in about five minutes.”

she finished clipping her hair and slipped it under her signature newsies cap. she met up with the boys in the room where they always stretched before each show, and ryan steele led them through some ballet at the barre to warm up.

given the fact that Y/N was the only girl newsie, she was hidden in the back for most of the show. she was fine with that, because all of the other boys were incredible, and it was technically their show. however, the boys rallied behind her and had the choreographer give her her own small solo, and it was during king of new york. tonight was the first time she was performing the new move. she had to leap off one of the tables in a full middle split, and if she didn’t warm up her legs properly for that move, she could seriously injure herself. in fact, she almost did once during rehearsals, and the boys constantly made fun of her for it. unbeknownst to them, Y/N was beyond nervous to debut this borderline dangerous stunt, especially since she almost broke an ankle doing it in practice.

“hey Y/N, don’t forget to do your splits today. we wouldn’t want you injuring yourself again,” tommy said, passing her briefly.

she was on the ground rolling out her ankle. “you guys just love to nitpick every little thing i do wrong.” as much as she loved the boys, their constant berating sometimes messed with her confidence.

ryan breslin sat next to her, a caring look on his face. “we only do it because we like you. we wouldn’t do it if we weren’t your biggest fans. we know you’ll kill your solo tonight.”

Y/N smiled. breslin was always one of her favorite boys to talk to. “you’ve all got a funny way of showing it.”

then, she felt arms loop under hers, pulling her up to her feet. Y/N turned around to find mike’s tall stature standing behind her.

“what are you sitting on the ground for? we have stretching to do!” he exclaimed, patting her arm.

she ignored the nagging fear in the back of her head and went to join the rest of the cast.

the group got together, and they started their stretches at the barre. Y/N made sure to take extra care in stretching today, because she had this persistent fear of the leap.

after the barre, they got into a circle and did their standing stretches, before moving to the floor and further warming up their hamstrings and hips.

Y/N did her splits, avoiding eye contact with the rest of the boys around her. she could feel their judgmental gazes on her head. she was in that position for so long that she didn’t even notice everyone else around her had gotten up.

someone had nudged her with their foot, causing her to flinch and look up. “hey, your legs are going to get stuck in that position if you don’t get up,” ryan steele said.

Y/N moved her legs, and used ryan’s hand to help herself stand up. “sorry, i was just thinking,” she said, still looking down.

“about what?” aaron albano said, joining the two.

“i’m worried about my leap during king of new york. what if i fall and embarrass myself?” she asked quietly.

ryan breslin came up behind her, and put an arm around her shoulders. “if you do, then the audience will forget about it and move on.”

Y/N looked down again. “i’m not worried about embarrassing myself in front of the audience. i’m worried about embarrassing myself in front of…” she looked at the faces around her. “…you guys.”

the ryan’s and aaron softened their expressions. “you don’t have to worry about that, we have your back. you’re talented, Y/N, and you can do whatever you put your mind to,” breslin told her, his arm still around her shoulders.

she smiled. “i know you guys would be supportive, but who knows about thing one and thing two over there,” Y/N said, gesturing to mike and tommy.

“they just like giving you a hard time,” aaron said. “if you want, steele and i can help you run the leap a few times before we go on.”

“yes please,” she said, giving breslin a short hug before walking with aaron and steele to an area backstage.

she did her leap shakily off the table, taking in all the corrections that she could from ryan and aaron. as she was about to go again, Y/N saw out of the corner of her eye breslin pulling mike and tommy off to the side. the two boys seemed to have a fallen expression, and their eyes glanced her way.

“don’t wear yourself out too much. just remember, turn out your hips and use your leg muscles to control the landing. you got this,” aaron whispered before walking away with ryan.

tommy walked over to her as she worriedly looked out onto the stage. her mind felt cloudy.

“hey, Y/N, you okay?” he asked, standing next to her.

she nodded. “yeah, i’m fine.”

mike walked up and stood on the other side of her. “you don’t look fine.”

she noticed mike’s tone had completely shifted. he was so loud and bursting with energy just minutes earlier, and now he sounded like he had just been given bad news.

Y/N felt like her body was going into autopilot. “i’m just nervous, that’s all. i’m okay.”

tommy took her hand gently, and mike took her other hand.

“we give you hell a lot, and we like to make jokes, but just know that we’re always in your corner, okay?” tommy said sincerely. Y/N looked down, her brain fog beginning to clear a bit.

“i don’t want you to think that we would ever intentionally bring you down,” mike started. Y/N knew where this epiphany had came from; it was breslin. “all of us love you, Y/N, and although our joking comes off more serious than we intend sometimes, we’ll always support you.”

she nodded. “so, breslin told you guys i was worried about subjecting myself to even more embarrassment from you guys if i screwed up my leap? you guys probably wouldn’t have even known i was panicking about this solo on the inside if it weren’t for him. i’m not as dumb as you think i am,” she replied quietly, releasing their hands. Y/N tried to walk away, but mike caught her arm and stood in front of her, his hands on her shoulders.

“he let us know our jokes were going too far, and that they were masking our friendship with you. we all support you, and believe in you. trust me when i say that we all want you to succeed.”

Y/N noticed mike’s eyes never leaving hers. she was at a loss for words.

the show began, and the three scrambled to get into their places backstage. from the wings, she watched as jeremy and andrew started the show off.

as she went on for “carrying the banner”, she briefly forgot about her fear while onstage. the number allowed for her and the boys to mess around freely, and it still looked like it was apart of the show. every show, Y/N and andy richardson would do their handshake, and during this show, andy lingered by her for a bit longer than normal. she felt his support, even while they were in character. word travels fast between the boys, and she could sense that all the boys now knew she was worried.

while onstage, her constant fear of the leap had faded, but every time she had a moment to herself, it was back again.

during intermission, Y/N went to her secret spot backstage that she knew no one would find her in. it was a secluded hallway in the depths of the nederlander, and she sat down on the floor, feeling her heart rate quicken.

“Y/N, what are you doing here?” a voice asked. she looked up and saw andrew keenan-bolger.

“how’d you know i was here?” she asked, confused.

“this isn’t just your spot, you know. i come here sometimes too.” there was a pause. “are you okay?”

she sniffled. “yeah.”

he shot her a knowing look, and Y/N nervously laughed. “no.”

andrew sat down next to her. “i’ve heard that you’re nervous for king of new york, is that true?”

she nodded. “i just don’t want to fall and hurt myself and disappoint everyone. you guys wanted me to have this part in the show, and i don’t want everyone to think i can’t do it.”

andrew gently rested his hand on her leg. “you’re our little sister, Y/N. the boys fought for you to have this solo for a reason.”

the lights flickered, signaling the show was about to start.

“you need to go. make yourself proud, not us. we’re already proud of you. you got this!” he said, helping her stand up. she smiled, always feeling comforted by andrew.

she got back to her spot just in time. she could tell the boys were afraid to approach her in a time where Y/N’s focus was being challenged.

they went onstage, and the curtain pulled up. Y/N noticed there were a lot of people in the audience, judging her every move. the number began smoothly, and she forced a smile on her face. she danced as well as she could despite her entire body shaking.

the time had come, and she got on the table. okay, remember what aaron said, she thought. hips turned out, soften the landing.

she leaped, repeating the corrections in her head. she felt like she was soaring. when Y/N landed, her ankle stayed stable, and the landing was as clean as can be.

Y/N gave a bright and real smile to the audience, hearing the boys cheer behind her. she ran to the back of their formation, and she felt mike grab her arms tightly from behind. she turned her head, to look at him, and she saw that he was more excited for her success than she was.

the rest of the show flew by, and after the curtain went down at the very end, tommy ran up to her and trapped her in a hug. before she knew it, all the boys were coming up behind her, and she was suffocated in the middle of a big newsie group hug.

when Y/N couldn’t breathe anymore, they stepped away. jeremy came up behind her and patted her back.

“we’re proud of you, kid.”

back in the dressing rooms, mike stopped by hers after kara had left.

“we’re okay, right?” he asked quietly.

Y/N spun her chair around to look at him, and she nodded. “why wouldn’t we be?”

“i don’t know,” he started. “i thought that you didn’t want to be friends anymore. you seemed really upset with me today.”

she turned to him and took her hair out of her newsies cap. it flowed down her shoulders, and she liked feeling like herself again. “i love messing around with you guys, i really do. just not to the extent to where my confidence falls because of it. you’re my best friend, mike. i wouldn’t be able to fully function every day if it weren’t for you.”

he smiled, and went behind her chair and turned it around again so that Y/N was facing the mirror, with mike looking at her through the mirror.

“just don’t be late again, yeah?”

[phantom-does-a-thing]

will. bestie. i have a question thats been in my head for days but i keep forgetting to ask.

whats the flesh dimension and how bad should i be to get sent there. please. i wanna go to the flesh dimension

ok so I feel like the flesh dimension bit has way more context than it actually should. And that context went on in like a million paragraphs so I'm gonna put it under a cut bc it got so incredibly long. There is a lot of backstory behind the flesh dimension part and what's funny is there could be about 2 or 3 contexts behind this that I could explain. I always seem to come back to different flesh dimensions, but bc ik ur referring to what my discord status has been I will explain why it is that

Basically the other day my partner was streaming for me a new game that they had bought for 7 dollars bc they had seen some screenshots of the game and thought it was interesting. Song of Saya. It's an insanely weird and slightly disturbing Japanese (I believe it is from Japan iirc) visual novel that if it tells you anything I think RIGHT off the bat it gave you the option to turn the gore graphics off or adjust how bad you want the gore. And because I am evil evil evil, I told my partner not to turn the gore off at all.

Anyway. This Game. is So gory. It's awful, it's like so gross and I wish I got to see it in all it's glory but I was stuck seeing it through the few pixels that a discord stream allows me to see. Anyway the basic plot of the game that I understood (bc my partner only played like two hours of it for me before I had to go) is that this dude got into an accident and received an experimental brain surgery or some sort of neurological surgery/treatment. This guy is also a medical student, I hate the main protagonist tbh and Saya who is NOT the main protaganist but she is also there and I also hate her. The plot of this game is insane.

Anyway, the surgery messed up this dudes brain so horribly that now he is stuck in a nightmare flesh hellscape, what me and my partner have dubbed the "flesh dimension" So every person that this dude talks to all his previous friends and anyone he knows is transformed into these disgusting fleshy blobs of gore and viscera as well as everything is literally COVERED in gore and organs and flesh and by covered I mean things have now become gore. It affects all of his senses so smell, taste, hearing, sight, touch, he is essentially in every single way but literal (even though it is real to him) he is in a flesh dimension. And obviously because hes in a flesh dimension he starts to become a real prick bc all his friends just see him from the outside perspective and he is rapidly fighting every urge to like freak out and just explode.

So yeah, he became a prick bc of the flesh dimension or whatever and so yeah, he's a naughty boy that gets put in the flesh dimension. He also like VIOLENTLY rejected his friends love confession and just like threw in her face how much he hated her how much her voice and appearance made him sick (bc flesh world stuff) and how he couldn't stand being by any of them. Which yeah.

Saya is also the only "human" being that he can see. so she just looks like a normal person to him and he met her in the hospital when he was recovering and she now lives with him and eats people but he doesn't know that. He also can eat people and they actually taste GOOD for once bc everything else in the flesh world tastes disgusting. Me and my partner assume that she is actually the flesh monster that looks normal to him bc he's in the flesh world.

it's a super interesting game and a super interesting plot and like. I would put screenshots but like THATS how gross and gory it is at least from what I could see from my bad quality discord stream that I was lovingly subjected to. It's also a really weird game style bc its like not really a game you're just watching the entire thing, it's just a visual novel there's no choices or decisions you're just playing through the story, you have no affect on it. So it's a really weird game system that I feel like I've never seen before, but yeah, it's super interesting and I really like it. No idea where my partner got it from tho so idk where to play it.

me and my partner are matching statuses btw

Some notable quotes that really solidify the watching experience: "you have to go to a taylor swift concert in the flesh dimension" "Maybe the flesh dimension is a trans allegory" "his pathetic flesh world swag has bewitched her in body and soul" "dont cry it just makes you uglier" (I cant remember if I was quoting the game but I did say this and scared my partner bc they thought I meant that towards them) "Secret nurse? shes like twelve and also a flesh monster" So to answer your question: you have to get experimental nerurosurgery and or just be a general massive prick to your friends to get sent to the flesh dimension. Or hmu for more options to get sent to the Flesh World dw about the cost

[dadswithipads]

As I do with most pieces of media I'm interested in, at the moment I will be reacting. Now I've already seen the movie and the TV show but it's been a couple years since I fully watched the movie scene for scene so.

MY BABYSITTERS A VAMPIRE REACTION:

Ew. Sry straighties. She just like 9 y/o me fr. Ethans voice crack. "High school brotherhood" i feel nostalgic for the beginning of High School. Even though mine was sh!t cause of a certain thing that happened in 2020. Okay Ethan says tomorrow but it's like raining outside and it's supposed to be August I'm presuming if school starts that next day? I don't remember his sister's name but frfr.

If they're starting out high school they're just now reaching teenager. Why is she going out alone. She gonna get k!dna££ed. One of my biggest fears. OMG RED HERRING. wtf was that dialogue. Nvm a cringy teen on 2010s internet would say that. Bro just d!ed. Him gagging lmao. Ew the socks. Wtf.

Oh yes, Twilight. Those girls walking in the hallway watching the movie on their phone remind me of when me and my friend in 8th grade just watch Netflix while we were running the mile. The actress is from Degrassi and plays Manny Santos💜 . Awwwwwwww the old phones. Theme song be kicking. Two nuggets and some fries???? And egg. Nice. The high school looks like a camp Lodge. Ah yes. Benny and his projection to be straight. Overly so. Hey yo it's Canadian Corbin Bleu. What kind of student is just wearing sunglasses and a suit indoors.

What is the logo for the coffee on the cup look like a ball s@ck??? Aww they sweet tho. Ethan being caught up and wanting to you know have a reputation and Benny just being goofy and fun. Its just such a entertaining and sweet dynamic. Feels very queer too. As it is. RORY!!!!!!

Why do they both dislike him? He's such a cutie. Benny shut up. KDKDIEJS9SKWOSIS THAT LINE. K but they're obviously lesbians. That Dynamic just from appearance at the beginning is reminding me of Jennifer's Body. Frfrrfrr. Benny lmao. Aw Rory. Rory saying "Think she'll tuck you in tonight?" LMAO. WLW AND MLM. this is such a nerd convo omg. Bro the closet. Spicy today. Blue looks so good with light blonde hair. Slay Rory.

Yeah no drama club is that emo! The pipeline is there but it's not at the same time. Me and corbin bleu frfr. Awww Rory. Nvm corbin bleu. Frfr. Slayy the mom is always right. Emo music slayy moment Ethan. I don't mean to be the basic white girl but that's all I can say right now is slay. It is a curse. What the frick Benny. That kid is me growinf up fr. Kiss kiss kisss kissss. Erica being taller than Sarah.

Corbin clue. I am too online I'm just expecting the vine thud sound effect to play anytime something happenes.😭😭. Cassie! THATS HER ACTRESS' NAME. He is cute. But erica still a lesbian for that one. Amen Sarah smack that man. Yo that a euphemism?

No way this is outside of his house. LMAO. thud. I know the show likes to show that he has feelings for her or whatever but I really think it's just a weird Crush thing and I feel like they would be way better suited with a brother-sistered anyway for real. Sarah and Ethan would work way better for that. Benny just a goof like Rory but they banish him. Wtf.😭. Justice for Rory. Benny bro stop. Green phone case. GREEN PHONE CASE. 😃. "Im next door" Benny is the girl next door. I don't like the song but antihero by Taylor Swift is stuck in my head right now so I'm going to listen to that and I'll be right back.

Back now. Aw. Benny and Ethan are so close. Like he saw Ethan was upset and immediately dropped everything. Ugh. Slay power gay. Benny YOU the one weirding her out. "She smells funny". Hello if you were me writing this I'd have the grandma like break all her bones doing dance to Revolution when they come back. 😭. Cuz I'm queer it's okay I'm allowed to say this but this boy is raised by his grandma you think he's not gay. He is.

Poor kid. Slay this teen slang. What i like in a show/franchise. I like when it's not talking down to the audience but at the same time it's not like explicit explicit cuz that kind of explicitness gets really annoying for me I like when there's just you know casual stuff you know like stuff that exists in the real world stuff that people talk about not overdramatic look drugs look sex in teen media. Cause her calling him a p£rv is like something that exists but is simple enough to imply understanding about the world.

A publicity stunt only that revolves around you two. LMAO. Benny my son. Me looking for my cats. Aw. They can't run any faster lmao. "Skinny guy coming through". Me fr.

*In Ron Howard voice* "Hey that's the name of the show". Benny being on email mainly is so. Refreshing idk. Its fun to think about. Sarah in her Draculaura era. Corbin Clue could AT LEAST try harder to be interested come on now.

I should just realized the Edward knockoff is also Peter from Degrassi not just Manny's actress. Love Canada. Wtf. Benny lmao. Sorry but that line felt like the opening to a gay pron.

Grandma wake up. Slay bethan hand contact. The bed that easy to move?. "Ryan Seacrest"??????????? Ethan gay fr🌈🌈🌈🌈.

He says notice sign with the restricted area authorized employees only. Lmao?? Aww Ethan smiling after Benny being a goof. That photo id of Rory is so... sophisticated?

RORY MY SON! Aww. Mathletes event lmao? He looks so good in blue. Rory is such a good part of this franchise. Benny sounds like this guy at my school that is like such a gross kid. But its okay cause its Benny and it's different. This is my son. Awwww the eye contact between them here.

Freshmen can't drive lmao. The car looked like it was getting pushed. Sarah save your gf slay. Lmao her "I 💗 boys that sparkle" shirt. Alcohol reference. Gross Benny. Gay reference. Ethana gay panic lmao. Benny too. Awwwwww them dancing. Aww Rory "A wicked hickey" bro no💀. I'm so Gen Z I once again thought there was going to be a thud sound effect after that. Jessie sounds like a nerd. He is so nasally.

Erica lmao. The music too. He he referred to them as girls. That is a queer thing to do. They are queer. Thud. Jessie sounds like a NERD Holy sh!t. Rory my son. Slay Ethan plot. The FX skhahahhahaha. These nerds. Benny. Said. "Wick'" as in Wicked. 😃. Ok.

Bruh the mom just inplied😃... Ok. "Rap music" my son listens to emo music and rap what a bisexual. RORY! love him in blue. No asthma. Lmao. "The big V". "What-what?" 😭😭😭😭 this man. CHURCH. AKDKKDHSHS. That Canadian came in during his "about". I sound like Lucille I'm squealing. Not even laughing just. "AH HAHAH". "Zing" my guy😭.

Dam bro didnt even get a line. Thats so raven. Wiki mention ayy. The looks like such emos. Just in the graveyard in all black with sunglasses lmao. Gross. "Out" was also said slipping that Canadian accent. Drugs lmao. Pretty vague. WOAH WHAT. I hate to Compulsive heterosexuality. Brought his vision right now is just him being a visual learner come on now.

Awww super rory. Gay implied. Ooh Sarah done fell in love. Gross. Rory listens to metal. Amen. Lmao. Aww bethan. Awww thats sweet. 8 year old girls rule the world lmao. Lmao the grandma. Irish dancing lmao. LMAO THE BURN. Bro. Cmon now. Awww she miss her GF.

Why the book just leave? Jessie is gay. He dating corbin cleu. "What a cool show" LMAO. That is illegal Ethan. Ewwwwww what the frick Benny. Smh. It's okay he just want to kiss the female to see if he liked it or not. He still in love with Ethan tho. RORY! Dam she grabbing her a$$. Lmao the cgi. The slow mo omg. Aww bethan moment. Aww. Bro is Ethan crying. Jessie is gay. BENNY! Him yelling "Courage" to go save Ethan. Aww.

Slay Sarah saved by females. Lol Rory and Erica matching. Gay and gay.

[needyoulikeaheartbeet]

the tortured poets department: the anthology - first listen

THIS IS SO EXCITING So I have been exhausted 25/8 because of work and my body constantly aching from long covid (i love ma life) so I only got to listen the next day I tried to stay up until midnight but I literally only made it to ~11:45 lmao

My eyes popped out of my head when I woke up to a double album drop - 31 SONGS TO LISTEN TO IN ONE GO I WAS SO HYPE I also laughed bc ofc taylor did a surprise release and now we have 31 new gems to treasure HERE ARE MY FIRST THOUGHTS !!

1. Fortnight SOFT SYNTH OH HER VOICE?????  OH I LIKE THIS  Y DID THAT REMIND ME OF FLORENCE OL ENDLESS FEBRUARY… I LOVE YOU ITS RUINING MY LIFE  I really like post malone  HELL YA  FLORIDA She said america its like she said my name

2. The Tortured Poets Department Ok drum O no fuckin body alright gf SPARKLY Charlie poot  You awaken with dread, pounding nails in your head  I laughed in your face and said - i like how she sings that!!! Wow her lows and highs in this song are wild! Bridge is best rn in this song !! oh wow jack lucy wowee  Omg the ring?????????????  Hello jack

3. My Boy Only Breaks His Favourite Toys Oh okay her VOICE Miss voice The deep parts helloooooooooooo  This wasnt the sound i thought we’d get for this song at all but this is cool (i was expecting like a sultry old timey jazzy "my boy" song in the same like arena of the start of christmas tree farm old timey version lmao) Litany This is gonna get stuck in my head often i can already see it i can already tell  Danger in the heat of my touch  Once i fix me hes gonna miss me???? Wow thats so real  Told me im BETTER OFF  Imma shake my fist

4. Down Bad THIS SOUND HELLO? Ok but her oice?????  YAAAA What is this noise bro  Oo cosmic love But the way she sings the verses???  Ofc hi jack  Its gonna grow on me ik aaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAA bubble sound There are so many f words  I might just die it would make no difference real  Ok but these worbly sounds are nice  THAT SOUND AT THE END GIVES lana vibes

5. So Long London Hello choir  Oh so SO long LONG OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Lmao Oh  Ok i kinda love htis  Ok i love her VOICE HELLO?  OO Omg Omg Omg THE SPINE BRAIN MAKE LAUGH LINES WOEOWOEWOEOWE (why did i write brain? HAHA) OH THE TRAGEDY STUF that is so good  Whoa holy shit the lyrics  ALL THAT YOUTH FOR FREE???? N HER VOICE? WOW  2 graves 1 gun  OH LAYERING IS THAT PIANO OR SYNTH IDK ITS SO GOOD My mouth has been open Her voice im screaming i love it and the FASTNESS SO GOOD  THAT GUITAR  Bro????????????????????????? I want to put this on repeat

6. But Daddy I Love Him I want to prance on my tip toes and throw leaves one by one  Reminds me of a 2000s movie Omg jack and aaron on this one  Im vibin Ok bitchin Omg thats a WILD part lmfaooo HELLO?  Thats kind of crazy lmaoooo like i get it but wowee  Its giving ours vibes  Im having his BABY? yeah you should see my face LMAO What is happening in this song lmao IM NOT CATCHING ALL THE LYRICS YET ITS TOO SOON AND NOW I FEEL LIKE THAT MR KRABS MEME   i like when she sings it was chaos etc

7. Fresh Out The Slammer OH HELL YEAH ELL  YEAH I AM ALREADY INTO IT Interesting drum  Wow her range in this song too that was so low  Is that a violino PRETTY MELODY O it slowed down  Ok i like the ending bit

8. Florida!!! her vocals MUAH LIL REVERBY GUITAR the drums threw me off ok florence vocals! so flowy bodies body in my mind they sink into the swaMP???? ok the home and town part is nice at the end here oo

9. Guilty As Sin? Ok beat AM I ALLOWED TO CRY !!!!! Ok chorus is NICE  Ok so far this is my second fave!!!!!!  Ok i really like this  WHAT IF HES WRITTEN MINE ON MY UPPER THIGH ONLY IN MY MIND Without ever touching his skin HOW CAN I BE GUILTY AS SIN BEECH Theyre gonna crucify me anyway HOLD ME OO Wow religious hello  Nice bridge Oh I choose you and me religiously eEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Oh wow interesting way to jump back into the chorus that is different I LIKE IT Ok IM INTO THIS

10. Who's Afraid Of Little Old Me? This is reminding me of 2013 idk why  OHHHHHHH YOUDONT GE TTO TELL ME ABOUT SAD YES BEECH OH WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW YES  OK YES  The guitar and the intonation and her VOICE YES SCREAMIN HELL YAAA Omg i love this  Ok another top song  Omg i love this  Ok this is #2 … or #1… !! Everything about this !!!!!!!!  WHOS AFRAID OF LITTLE OLD MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEe SELF WRITTEN YAS Oh the but what ifs so real lmaoo  Omg yes Asylum where they raised me?? Bb :(  drunk on my own tears???  Lol put narcotics into all my songs ha ha Circus life made me mean Lured hurt taught caged ??? calle dcrazy? Aw :( i am what i am cause you traine dme??? Oh

11. I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can) Ok i liked that first sound Good guitar Shes delulu ? Texas part was lana like Wow face… that was really low   Domme vibes ????? good boy? Come closer? Ill show you heaven if youll be an angel all night? Okkkkkkkk maam ! Oh i liked i told you hes my man hec ya Lmao whoa maybe i cant thats funny

12. loml Pinnano Ok this is going to be nice  Omg i thought i was better safe than starry eyed ok!!!!! This sounds sweet  I like  Topper  Aw the way she said you said im the love of your life about a million times  Blew in with the winds of fate omg  Omg the fakes line  CONMAN WOW Omg never before and ever since HER VOICE STHUSHGRJ THIS IS A STORY WOWOEWOE OWEER I love this Omg the vocals in th eback  Mr steal your girl then make her cry wow  UNRECALL SONG!! Omfg cant get out of bed bc something counterfeit is dead OKKKKKKK This is a top song Valiant roar  Bland goodbye Woweweowoeoweooweotwetirfv Nfkjnksjnsn Braids of lies !!!!!!!!!!!!! This is so good stfu :(  OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD YOURE THE LOSS OF MY LIFE SHUT THE FUCK UP SOMEONE GUESSED IT WOULD GO FROM LOVE OF MY LIFE TO LOSS OF MY LIFE SHU T UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP Im crying btw holy shit that was so good.

13. I Can Do It With A Broken Heart Oh zippy  HEY EY EY Lol  Aw while on tour Mirroball? Hello lol  He said he’d love me all his life  Omg thats so fuNNYYYYYYYYYYYYY SHUT UP LMAO Barbie !! It's giving Barbie!! LOL Im laughing so much this is great  Im so depressed, i cry a lot  Amaizing. So real. What a professional  LMAO i cannot  IM SO DEPRESSED I AC TLIKE ITS MY BIRTHDAY EVERY DAY <3  I CRY A LOT BUT I AM SO PRODUCTIVE ITS AN ART Ok i love this so much lmaoooo  Cause im miserable! And nobody even knows!!! What a professional queen  LMAO TRY AND COME FOR MY JOB? I love her stfu  I wanna listen to it again please omg

14. The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived Ofc jw lmao help me  who the fuck was that guy  Oh the beat is building  Omg ? Who tf ghosts taylor swift ? im gonna fight Rusting my sparkling summer wow  Oh my god this is savage i dont miss what we had but could someone give a message to the smallest man who ever lived KNGKJFNG Deep voice Oh bridge vocals YAAAAAA STRINGS YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA You deserve PRISON?? GIRLL Slip through the bars that was nice  CRASHED MY PARTY NICE  PERFORMING nice i love how shes singing these parts !!!!!!!!!! Ok i like how that tied up and ended neat

15. The Alchemy Ok i like this alreadyyyyyyyy It's reminding me of Glitch??? idk why Love white wine  Ok yaaa ! Smooth  Low vocals allooo  But even the instrumentals i love  Top ranking  song  Oh winning streak sound in the back i love

16. Clara Bow Ok i like the heaviness of the guitar yes Think i might die! Aw lights of manhattan  Promise to be dazzling Stringy sound!!  Stevie nicks!  Knew this was aaron  Suits in LA - i love when she does this in songs man idk she does it so well :)  Im dancing  Beauty is a beast etc nice  Girlish glow flickers just so omfg nice  Its hell!! On earth!! oMG THIS PART IS SO NICE STFU You look like taylor swift?? Omg  The futures bright dazzling DUDE SHE DOES THIS SO WELL SHUT UP I LOVE SONG WRITER TAYLOR SWIFT. this is so soft Reminds me of The Lucky One

17. The Black Dog This sounds sad already Oh  Oh that is sad Oh its a bar You forgot to turn it off  :c  Best laid plans!!!!!!!!!!  Oh in the shower  Rain soaked body was shaking omg ............................. IS THIS MY SHOW. ok erica not everything is abt u BREATHING CLEAN AIR SMOKE OGMKGJF Aw :( set fire to all my clothes  hello jack Omg our/my dreaming

18. imgonnagetyouback WE WONT GET FOOLED AGAIN NONO Thats the vibe Ok nvm

Oh Thats nice This will grow on me fr sure NICE BRIDGEEE LOL even if handcuffed Oooo play the game part Im poison either way skfjdn Ok going back into chorus was v nice end chorus is so nice w back vocals

19. The Albatross AARON VIBES  I like how her voice sounds it is TO MY TASTEEEE Ok this is a top so far i think  It is giving folklore  Oooo vocal range  I'm dancing And i tried to warn you about them that is very taylor sounding 

20. Chloe Or Sam Or Sophia Or Marcus Why cant my name be chosen Oh i like the piano hello??????  My bones out?  Oh the guitar? Bro this is SO pretty Oh this is so good wowowowow Its building up ?? i love this This tops the albatross  Depths of your sigh??  Her breathin?? Float in your orbit Her voice !!! stop it! I love this SAY YOU LOVED ME AAAAAAAA Oh vocals i love Will i always wonder TOP SONG HOLY SHIT i am hurt

21. How Did It End? Ok hi vocal i love u  SO MUCH? Wow Omg the QR CODES Flower! I love the piano and her voice wow  Oh i love that so much the VOCAL TUNE Learned the right steps to different dances!!! Top song i think idk omg  I would do so bad singing to this by myself between verse and chorus oof lol Oh guitar heading into bridge i loooooooooooooove this stuff Yes aaron My beloved ghost and me thats cute I cant pretend like i understand either

22. So High School GUITAR BEBIIIIIIIII very good DRUMS This is p different!! LOW Cute this is giving like 2000s romcom vibe  Lol thats cute marry kiss or kill me INTERVIEW - OMG BETTING ONALL THREE?  Awwww car door This is so cute Ok this part is cute and catchy you knew what you wanted and boy you got her !!  She is so in luv very cute  Ok im dancin this is really cute I feel so high school every time i look at u !! TRUTH DARE SPIN BOTTLES thats so catchy i love it  I can dance around to this for sureeEEEEEEEEEEEEe ok i love

23. I Hate It Here I hear u countin This is so aaron I like the concept of secret gardens I also hate it here  1830s good clarification omg shes so right This is good??? LUNAR VALLEYS !!!! Only the gentle survived Wow this is so REAL I dreamed about it in the dark the night i felt like i might die? Omg. is she me?  This is very real i am hurting Ill save all my romanticism??? HELLO? Made me feel worthless? CURRENT FLIES THROUGH ME? LOVE  Wow i love this song? This is a top im not kidding  An anthem  YOU ARE A POET TRAPPED INSIDE THE BODY OF A FINANCE GUY LMAO?  Sorry Finance guy 

Thats so funny I loved this song Im kinda crying now though i feel seen  Tbt the story i tried to write in high school called the art of disappearing

24. thanK you aIMee I like her voice  Down the stairs? I cri lmao  I cant forget the way you made me heal!!  Laughing at each baby step i take? Same searing pain!!!  Aw. prayed that one day i could say !!!  You know what i am totally with this fuck you aimee hell yeah  KGNKFSJGFSNGFSKG ANDREA LMFAO PLEASE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WISHED YOU WERE DEAD??? ANDREA!!!! LOL  OMG I BUILT A LEGACY THAT YOU CANT UNDO. GOOSEBUMPS.  Wow  Bro this is good?  Aw bea tmy spirit black and blue  Im laughing so much about andrea PLEASE Aw i pushed each boulder up that hill  This sounds country This warm my heart idk ilu taylor what a complex feeling to capture

25. I Look In People's Windows Same Dancing to this guitar  I spied the catch in your breath ooo  Chorus is fun  Omg what if your eyes looked up and met mine OOOOO LOVE VOCALS If someone looked at me while i was looking into their house id scream This is a nice song  Does it feel alright to not know me  OMG Im addicted to the if onlys  This is so good LOL like im some deranged weirdo  The downtown part man wow

26. The Prophecy I heard the countin  Oooo i like where this guitar is taking us  Ok so far im enjoying this  Caught lightning in a bottle  Oh!!! Cursed like eve ot bitten!!  Change the prophecy wow  Aw Just wants someone who wants my company :(  Ok dude this is so good??????  This is literally so good?  DRUMS HELLO IM HYPE  Very last drops of an ink pen  This is so good????? BUT EVEN STATUES CRUMBLE IF THEYRE MADE TO WAIT Greige Aw So someone will tell me itll be okay Is that string instrument?? This song is the version of the hello god its me when will it be my turn meme Omg vocals wow that was magical  REminds me of seven

27. Cassandra Placing daydreams  PIANOOOOOOOOOO Omg in ym tower weaving nightmares? They say what doesnt kill you makes you aware what happens if it becomes who you are  Payroll line is like the vibe i thought my boy etc wouldve sounded  Omg no one heard NICE SNAKES omg i understand  Do you believe me now omg  A mourning warning no one heard wow  Omg she sang so low how does she do that

28. Peter Oh i LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE this piano  I wanna learn it  This is self written  Omg peter pan???  Promises ocean deep but never to keep Is the sound muffled I LOVE THAT OLD TIEMY 25???  Oh shelf life omg  Lost to the lost boys chapter of your life !! Oooo the way she sang the light speak now vibe  I really love the piano  the repetition is an interesting choice i need my brain to process it and figure out what it mean

29. The Bolter I like the soun I like story :)  Cute melody  Oh WHORE ok!! caught me off guard ngl  lmaoo  As she was leaving it felt like breathing !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Making him care oh All roses portrait poses omg  LOL what a charming saturday!  Oooooooooo littlest leaks  races/aces sound nice  Escape in escaping nice  Hands around each others shoulders and swaying to the beat and singing lmao  Then i would jump abt all her lives lol  Sounds nice 

30. Robin Pinnano Her voice sounds so clean and smooth  Omg thats the aaron beat  Wow deep voice Her range  Aaron guitar sounds or is tha tbass  Looooooooooooooooooooooong may you roar  In sweetness  tiger…WOODS?  Tbh idk whats happening in terms of lyrics i am not processing them right now but her voice is pretty  This is about a child? And childhood before you are CORRUPTED ? owwie :( wholesome :(

31. The Manuscript PINNANO Good voice i like I love the story tellin  Is this the first time she said sex  I eat kids cereal  Oh :( owwie Aaron sounds  Good vocal omg One last souvenir  Oh but the story isnt mine anymore wow!!!  What a journey! 

this album is incredible

[katsukikiss]

I FUCKIN HATE YOU

CHARACTERS ARE AGED UP // MINORS DNI // EREN X F!READER

Warnings: NSFW 18+, fingering, unprotected sex, alcohol use, noncon touching(ish), hate fucking?, creampie m, idk what else

AN: This is a collab for @bordemm bunny’s rager! It had to fit the theme/vibe of a song and mine was ‘IFHY’ by Tyler the Creator! Give it a listen when you’re about halfway through!

Big thanks to @morelikebaku-no for beta reading this for me!

WC: 5.2K

Masterlist

How did you two get to this point? Why did you hate each other? He would always shove you into walls when you got too close to him and you’d slap him across the arm in retaliation. He would mock how eager you were to please and achieve on missions, and you’d scoff at his selfishness. You threw insults and jabs back and forth whenever you two were near, which wasn’t too often anymore. Although, you weren’t the one who started this all. He used to be so nice, asking you if you needed help, giving you his food, riding your horses side by side. You were both so fond of one another, a bond you had shared since childhood. You thought you might’ve even loved him, but something snapped in Eren one day. You couldn’t understand why he changed so much after that day.

Eren remembered the day perfectly. You both got ready that morning before you set off for what would be a horrible evening. Your squad had a relatively easy mission to complete, but something felt off to you. Eren rested a hand on your shoulder, reassuring you that everything would be okay, and that he’d protect you. He always stuck close to you on these missions, fearing that he’d lose you like he lost everyone else.

You set off on horseback together. You were a skilled cadet, well seasoned in using your ODM gear. Eren hated when you’d get cocky and push yourself too far, but thats why he stuck so close, but not this time. Levi sent you and Jean forward in a group of two, despite Erens pleas to be paired up with you. You shot him a reassuring smile before you and Jean pushed forward and to the right. Eren had to stay in the center with Levi and Armin, his eyes trailing off to watch you descend further away from him.

You and Jean easily took out five abnormals, you killing three and him taking out the other two. You were in a state of euphoria, zipping through the trees. Jean admired your strength and confidence, but they all still saw you as someone that needed protecting, and it royally pissed you off. You slung off to the left, Jean quickly losing sight of you.

“Y/N! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING?!” he howled out to you. He swiftly maneuvered around to try and follow you. Then he heard you scream.

Your blood curdling screams echoed through the forest. ‘T-Thats y/n’ Eren thought to himself.

“EREN WAIT!” Armin loudly pleaded, but Eren was gone, slashing his way through the trees to where your voice came from. Rage was radiating through his body, how could Jean have lost you, let you get hurt. He swore he was going to beat him half to death for letting something happen to you. He moved at an inhuman speed, frantically looking around for where you might be. Then he saw a 15 meter titan, with a tight grasp on you and your neck. Blood was dripping from your nose and lips, you lacked the ability to scream anymore.

Without thinking, Eren transformed. It was dangerous for him to go into his titan form, with you so close and vulnerable, but his body acted on its own will. He lunged at the titan, his mouth clamping hard onto the arm in which you were trapped in. The arm came tumbling to the ground, with you hurdling down with it. Eren was too blinded by rage that he failed to realize you were about to splatter on the ground. He continued to thrash at the titan that once held you. You looked down and your eyes filled with fear. Why wasn't he going to catch you? Suddenly you heard quick sipping noises and you were caught by Jean. He glanced down at you nervously, his breath heaving. He perched up onto a large branch and sat you down against the trunk of the tree.

“Oh my god y/n are you okay?!” he asked in a panicky breath, cupping your face in his calloused hands. You shook as you looked over his shoulder to see Eren still on a rampage, but now he was running towards you two. You lifted a quivering finger to point to him, your throat bruised and unable to form words, and Jean quickly turned his head. A large hand was coming down at you two. Jean scooped you up and slung the two of you away as the branch snapped. Eren let out a shrieking scream that sent shivers down both of your spines. Jean never let up his tight grasp on you as he navigated his way through the forest, trying to get as far away as possible. Eren hadn’t lost control in so long, and now he was trying to kill you.

You got back to the rest of the squad, and Jean explained what had happened. Armin, Mikasa and Levi all went back into the forest to find Eren. He was in a clearing, sticking out of the nape of his now disintegrating titan form, sobbing uncontrollably. They approached him with caution. He hysterically screamed at them, “I'M A MONSTER, I ALMOST KILLED HER!”

You had spent three months in the infirmary, healing from the broken arm and bruised windpipe you had suffered. Everyone came to visit you regularly, except Eren. He never came by to see you, and shuddered when Armin finally recommended that he should.

“I dont want to fucking see her” he muttered under his breath. Armin stopped speaking, not wanting to push his friend over the edge again. You were finally strong enough to go back to your own room, eat in the dining halls, and train. Much to your dismay, Levi wasn’t going to put you back on missions for awhile.

Your first day back in the dining hall, everyone beamed a smile at you.

“Hey y/n! Why dont you come sit over here?” Jean shouted to you. You smiled and looked away, opting for your usual table instead. You made your way to Armin, Mikasa and Eren with your tray. You plopped your tray down and scooted your way over to Eren. His head was low until you sat down. He looked up at you with anger in his eyes.

He was never angry at you, but at himself. He feared being anywhere near you. You almost died at his hands and he could never forgive himself for that. You were so sweet, never once holding a grudge for what happened that day. He hated how forgiving you were, it made it all so much harder. He made a promise to himself that he needed to stay away from you, make you hate him if it meant you’d be safe.

“Long time no see Eren!” you exclaimed. Mikasa and Armin both looked at Eren anxiously. He slammed his fist on the table, standing up and walking away.

“What's his problem?” you asked the other two who were looking at you with doe eyed expressions.

“Not sure, but I think it's best if you keep your distance for a little okay y/n?” Armin said in an apologetic tone. He could see the pain and worry twist its way into your face. ‘What did I do wrong?’ you asked yourself. Tears flooded down your face as you ran out of the dining hall back into your room. You told yourself this wouldn’t last long and things would be back to normal but you were so wrong.

Six months later and now you and Eren thoroughly hated one another. You couldn’t take his insults and cold shoulder anymore so you threw it back at him, making the divide between you two grow larger with every passing day. You let your feelings from before the mission drift away and all you were left with was resentment and anger. You never understood why he turned so cold but you didn’t care to figure it out anymore, he never wanted to be around you and that was it. But little did you know, someone else had really convinced him to stay away from you. He wanted to try and talk to you one day but Mikasa coerced him out of it, telling him that it would make things worse and that he would only end up hurting you again. He believed her and vowed to stay away from you.

It was a crisp Saturday evening. The regiment was going to be drinking and celebrating a successful mission outside together later that night, even Levi and Erwin would be attending. You made your way over to Sasha’s room to talk and get ready. It was nice to finally have a day to let loose and have fun. You and Sasha decided to take some sheers to old shirts and create sexy twist tops; neither of you had attire for a night out like this. You took an old black t-shirt of Erens that he had given to you one night, looking at it you felt a pang in your heart, before you shook it away and began to cut. You twisted it in the middle, giving your breasts little fabric hammocks to rest in. You pulled the straps up and over your shoulder. You shoved yourself into some high waisted jeans before heading out with Sasha.

It was a lively sight. People hugging and laughing, ignoring the horrible world they lived in for a while. Connie waved you and Sasha over to him and Jean who were seated around a high table. You jumped up onto a stool between the two boys and across from your friend. Jean had a pitcher of beer on the table and four glasses for you all. You finished three pitchers all together in the matter of 30 minutes, talking and cracking jokes the whole time.

You looked around and spotted Armin red faced, blabbering off to Commander Erwin, whose face was also flushed red from the alcohol he had consumed. It was a pleasant surprise that made you smile, seeing the two blonde men letting loose for a bit. Then you saw Eren and Mikasa, sitting at a table together getting belligerently drunk. You were never jealous of her, he always told you she was like a sister to him, but then you shook your head. ‘What? Why would I even be jealous anyway…’ you looked away from the pair, cursing at yourself for even feeling that way. ‘He hates you, you hate him’ you reminded yourself.

Your attention was snapped back when Connie placed four shots onto the table. You were no stranger to drinking, you actually really enjoyed it; maybe too much. You all nodded, tapping your shots down on the table, bringing them up, clanging them all together, then slamming them back onto the table before throwing the clear alcohol back into your mouths. Sasha groaned at the foul taste, begging Connie to go get some food with her to wash it out of her mouth. They headed off towards a table of food, leaving you and Jean alone. You looked back over at Eren, but he and Mikasa were both gone. Your mind started racing, but you kept your calm on the outside. You were pretty drunk at this point, vision a bit distorted, but your words still came out presentable. Jean laughed, he watched you sway in your seat before gripping tightly onto the table almost falling.

“You alright pretty girl?” Jean asked in a flirty voice. He was always super kind to you, especially after the accident, but he also learned not to baby you anymore after that. Sure, he was mad you ran off on your own, but he understood why you did that in the moment, you felt like you needed to prove something. You didn’t mind him taking a coy tone with you tonight.

“Oh yeahh don't worry about me” you said, dragging your words a bit in a teasing voice. You winked at him and he blushed. You were typically sarcastic when Jean flirted with you but not now. He was cute, maybe not ideal but you can’t be that picky when you weren’t dealt a great hand in the Scouts. He slid his hand across the table and grabbed onto yours gently. You looked up at him with a wide eyed, innocent look on your face. You looked to the side to see if Eren came back around, but to your frustration he was still nowhere to be found. You looked back at Jean.

“You know, I’ve always thought you were so beautiful y/n” he confesses, his grip on your hand tightening. You probably would have blushed under normal circumstances, but your drunken state left you smirking at him with an insatiable gleam in your eyes.

“So why don’t we…” your voice trailing off, you nodded your head to the side, signaling to Jean that you wanted to ditch the party and be alone. His entire face flushed red and his pupils dilated. He was so eager to finally have you to himself. He stood up briskly as did you. He held onto your hand, walking forward without saying a word to you. You started to feel a bit intimidated by the tall handsome man as he led you away from the crowd and into the dark of the night. But someone was watching you two, never stopped watching.

He pushed you up against the stables and began ravenously kissing at your neck and squeezing at your breast. Being touched deprived and drunk made you moan at his every touch.

“You look fucking incredible in this shirt” he huffed out. His lips came back to yours, shoving his tongue into your mouth. He started to move his hand lower and lower. You started to get nervous, you didn’t want to go this far, you weren’t ready to. You grabbed at his arm and whimpered out, “I-I don’t wanna do that right now, okay?” Jean kept moving his hands down. You weren’t sure if maybe he didn’t hear you or was too drunk or was just flat out ignoring you. Then his hand was forcefully pulled out of your pants as he fell backwards into the ground.

“Get the fuck off of her and get out of here. Now” Eren demanded in a fierce tone. He was standing above Jean, looking down at him. Any haziness you had in your head was washed away when you saw the scene unfold in front of you. Jean scrambled to get to his feet before looking Eren right in the eye.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he challenged. Eren was seething with anger. They both burned holes into each other's eyes. You didn’t want to see anyone get hurt because of you, so you spoke up.

“Jean, it's okay, I'm okay, I’ll catch up with you later okay?” you tried to reassure him. He looked at you confused then back at Eren with a grimace before turning away from the two of you.

“Alright whatever” he groaned, disappointed. You looked at the man in front of you for a second, before you lazily lunged at him with a fist. You were so angry and emotional when you saw him leave. Your coordination still wasn’t functioning at its best, he easily dodged and grabbed your wrist.

“What the fuck were you doing back here? Was he trying to..?” he manically questioned before letting go of his grasp on your arm. You were surprised to see how riled up he was over seeing you with Jean. You decided to push your luck.

“Why do you care Eren? And yeah, we were going to fuck until you came and ruined it” you spat at him.

“I heard you y/n, and I saw him ignore you. Don't play tough when I know you aren’t” he hissed back at you.

“What is wrong with you? Why were you watching us, you freak? Weren’t you off fucking Mikasa?” you sneered at him. You were embarrassed that he caught you lying, but even more embarrassed that he watched Jean touch all over you.

“You should be grateful I was here, who knows what we would’ve done” he answered, ignoring your comment about Mikasa. It gave him pleasure knowing you still cared a bit, that maybe you were even jealous.

“Grateful? I have no reason to be thanking you, I can handle myself just fine now leave me alone” you said, shoving your way past him. He grabbed your arm and yanked you back.

“What the fuck Eren. Get off of me…don’t you have another girl to harass?” you scoffed at him.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” he stated in a shadowy tone.

“Don’t play dumb, you and Mikasa left together”

“We didn’t..but why do you care hm?” he asked, slightly smirking. He was lying, but he didn’t want you to know that just yet.

“I don’t give a shit, fuck whoever you want but don’t ruin my sex life too”

“I actually never left the party”

“Yes you did”

“Maybe you didn’t see me, but I was there, watching you,” he confessed.

“Eren what the fuck” you said, afflicted by what he had just said. Over the last year he spent everyday avoiding you, your gaze, your touch, and when you were around he was nothing short of evil to you. But here he was, hands on your wrists, having the longest conversation you two had ever had since the mission. You felt your emotions being pulled in every direction. ‘He still cares. He hates you. He’s an asshole. Does he miss you?’ You couldn’t figure out what to think, but one thing you knew was that you couldn’t forgive him for the way he had treated you.

“I don’t know why you were watching over me, or why you’re even talking to me right now, but I want to leave. I don’t want anything to do with you” you stammered. It wasn’t entirely true. You missed him so much, but that was the old him. You don’t even know who you’re looking at anymore.

“Y/n, I know that isn’t true” he said, inching closer to you. You could smell alcohol on his breath and the scent made you dizzy. You backed up, trying to pull your hands from his grip but it was of no use. Your back was up against the wood of the stables.

“I've missed you so much, you have no idea” he remarked, with a hint of sadness in his voice. You looked up at Eren, finally locking eyes with him. You hadn’t looked him in the eyes in so long. Despite everything, his eyes were the same as you remembered. They looked at you sympathetically, with love and tenderness, the way he used to. However, your fleeting moment of empathy turned quickly back into anger

“How could you?! How could you just cut me out of your life, treat me like a fucking stranger? And you have the audacity to pull this little stunt! ” you screamed at him, hot tears streaming down your cheeks.

“I-Im sorry, I-“ he was cut off by your hand sharply smacking him across the face. He stumbled back and away from you.

“Get the fuck away from me. You don’t get to just walk back into my life, no, fuck that and fuck you” you refuted. Your reply hit him harder than the slap. He couldn’t let you go, never again. The brief compassion he had was gone. He was done trying to be gentle, you had awakened something that had lied dormant for months. He spent so long trying to stay away from you, his thoughts tormenting him, but you were different now. He was going to go easy on you, slowly open up to you to see if you could accept him into your life again, but it seemed he couldn’t take that approach anymore. He slammed you back into the side of the stable, trapping your arms behind your back and gripped your jaw with one large hand.

“I did that all for you. You don’t know how hard it was for me to be mean to you, to stay away from you. But here you are, and I'm not going to hold back anymore” he revealed with a low predatory voice, sending an aching chill to your core. He slipped his free hand under your little makeshift shirt and ferociously clutched at your breast. He aggressively pressed his lips against yours, his heart fluttering as he finally felt your soft pretty lips against his own. A low whine vibrated in your throat. You wanted to be stronger, to push him away from you but your resolve crumbled.

“I don’t want to see you around Jean or any other guy here, do you understand me?” Eren murmured, his throat rasping with the low tone he took.

‘Excuse me, what did he just say?’ You couldn’t just take orders from him, not after all he put you through. You snapped out of the trance he had you under. You looked at him with scalding eyes and spit onto his face. It was risky, but you weren’t thinking straight. Again, you were conflicted between screaming at him or accepting him, hating him or loving him. He looked down at the dirt and slowly dragged his hand across his face, wiping your saliva from his cheek. He creeped his head back up, his vile look tormenting you.

“Who the fuck do you think you are Eren? Trying to tell me what to do with my body? Fuck off” you hissed back at him. You tried to move away from him but his hand was encasing your fragile throat.

“I know you miss me baby, I know you want to let me back in, but you have too much pride, you were always too stubborn. Let me show you what you’re missing” he muttered. You wanted him to be wrong but he was so right. You desperately wanted to forgive him and bring everything back to the way it used to be. His free hand unzipped your tight jeans and tugged them down to the ground. His thick digits started to rub against your folds through your pink lace panties. His other hand moved from your neck to the back of your head, grabbing a fistful of your hair and yanking your head back. He bit and sucked at the tender flesh of your neck, leaving little territorial marks all over you. Your lips parted to let out soft mewls. The last few months suddenly flashed before you, bringing anger back to the forefront of your mind.

“I h-hate you!” you screamed. Despite enjoying the way he was making you feel, you still had so much to let out.

“Don’t say that” he growled. His hands were under the fabric of your panties now, two fingers pumping in and out of you. His thumb reached around to swirl erotic circles on your sensitive nub.

“I mean it” you softly moaned out.

“No babygirl, you don’t. You can’t lie to me” He cooed into your ear. His fingers pace inside you abruptly quickened causing you to let out a pleasurable cry. Something about this new Eren was making your mind go crazy, he had an intense hunger for you and a depraved way of fulfilling it.

“Come back to me y/n, let's start over” he groaned into your ear, and you had a feeling he wasn’t suggesting that, but rather demanding. He tried to reach for your hand.

He desperately wanted you to touch him. You held your arms behind your back the entire time, by choice. You didn’t want to make him feel good, you didn’t want to feel his body, his face, his hair, or you knew you’d completely come undone.

“N-no Eren” you stammered. You were pushing his buttons, seeing how far you could go, how much he could take. He was starting to get angrier, revealing his deep sinful nature. He flicked his two fingers up, hitting your spongy spot every time they prodded back into you. His talented digits made your chest rise and fall quickly, letting short strained breaths and cries out.

“Wrong answer. You don’t get a choice. You will be mine” he demanded. Just as these words left his mouth your walls began to involuntarily clench around his fingers, your juices releasing all over them. You scraped your nails into the wood behind you, desperately trying to offer yourself some comfort. His possessive words should be scaring you, making you uncomfortable, but they only make you long for him more. Something about his controlling nature was truly intoxicating.

“I knew it, you do miss me, don’t you babygirl? I knew I should’ve done this earlier” he insinuated, a shameless smile creeping up on his face. He pulled his fingers out of your sobbing hole and brought them up to his mouth. He lolled his tongue out and slowly dragged his fingers down, savoring your sweet taste. You watched him in the lewd act, but thought about his words for a moment. ‘I knew I should’ve done this earlier’ you want to ask him what he meant but before you could speak his mouth was on yours, lips meeting once again. He gave you a wet kiss before pulling away to look at you. He pet your face and swept your wet strands of hair off your sweating forehead. Even all hot and messy, you still looked so adorable to him.

“Please baby, I can’t take it anymore. Put your arms around me” he begged. You gave the slightest nod of disapproval, pissing him off again.

“When I try to ask nicely you refuse. What is it with you?” he scowled at you. He yanked your arms from behind your back, making you yelp. He put them on his shoulders and pressed his body flush to yours. You stopped trying to fight his advances, wrapping one hand behind his neck and the other snaked through his hair.

His clothed bulge was firmly pressed against your exposed cunt. You began to buck your hips forward into him, forcing a low moan to escape his lips. He placed his hands on your thighs and hoisted them up and around his waist. You continued to kiss and explore each other's mouths with your tongues. You twirled yours around his, as if they were always meant to dance with one another.

He picked up your pants and carried you a few over to a shed. He kicked the door open, removed a hand from your ass to pull a light on. You looked and saw an old steel table with miscellaneous tools and blueprints all over it. Eren used a hand to shove everything to the side and sat you down. He stood between your legs, your neck angled painfully high to kiss the man towering above you. His hands moved down to his crotch as he meticulously unbuttoned his slacks. His throbbing member sprung from his boxers as he lowered them down his legs. Your mind was racing as you thought about what was actually happening. He pressed his cock against your needy hot cunt, sweeping through your puffy lips with it. All inhibition left your body from the touch. You pulled him close to you, the heat radiating between your legs.

“Fuck me Eren, please” you begged him. Your words made his blood hot.

“About time” he groaned. He aligned his cock with your tight entrance. He firmly grabbed your ass cheeks as he slowly advanced himself into your sobbing cunt. Your walls clung onto his swollen tip. He bucked his hips before completing bottoming out inside of you, gently grazing your cervix. His thrusts turned into brutal ramming, the entire table shaking with ever hard pound into you. Your lower stomach was bulging with every assault, your head hanging back from the feeling.

“Do you still hate me now?” he spat at you. His eyes transfixed on your bouncing tits. You couldn’t think straight, the pleasure of his cock hitting you in all the right places scrambled your brain.

“N-No no Eren fu-uck just fuck me, faster please!” you squealed out. He was already savagely slamming into you, but he answered your calls and quickened his pace. He grabbed you by the neck, forcing your head forward to look into his eyes.

“Tell me, tell me you’re mine” he whined into your ear. His eyes looked primal, as if he would devour you if you didn’t answer him correctly. You could tell he was close, his thrusts were getting sloppier and all he could do was let out husky breaths and little moans.

“Ah fuck I’m all yours Eren!” you cried out.

“ONLY mine”

“Y-yess ONLY yours”

Your legs wrapped around him as your orgasm shocked your entire body. You gripped his dark locks and looked up to see Eren’s eyes looking at yours, admiring the way your face contorted with pleasure. His knees buckled as his cock twitched inside you, releasing his warm thick cum all over your walls. He slowly dragged himself out of you, huffing heavy breaths out. Your legs fell down to dangle off the side of the table again. You rested your head onto his chest and he wrapped his arms around you, placing his head on top of yours. You both laid there, chests heaving in unison. You abruptly pulled away, startling him, and you looked up.

“Why d-did you leave me Eren?” you asked, tears welling up in your solemn eyes. He looked to the side, saddened by the question, and trying to find the right words.

“Because, I didn’t want to hurt you. I thought you’d be better off away from me after the mission and I-“

“Why would I be better off that way? You hurt me even more by doing that…”

“I nearly killed you y/n! I almost lost you, and everyone made me feel like I would be a danger to you” he whispered. Anguish and hurt flooded his voice when he spoke to you. The once domineering man was crumbling as he gave his confession to you.

“Why did you wait so long? Why now?” you said, pulling aggressively on his shirt. You recalled him saying he wanted ‘to do this sooner’ but never got to ask about it. He rubbed the back of his neck before looking down at you.

“I…well…Mikasa told me to stay away from you too…and I did leave the party before with her..but only for a little and that’s when I realized her intentions…but I came right back to find you and talk to you after that” he said, searching your face for a hint of how you were feeling. Your expression was blank, eyes were now dried and void of emotion. You jumped off the table and started putting your pants on. Eren started to grow worried as you neared the door.

“Y/n? Where do you think you’re going?”

“To find Mikasa”

[illfoandillfie]

Promise

Pairing: Aromantic!Fem!Reader x Ben Hardy

Warnings: Implied smut and some Feelings talk but honestly it’s pretty tame.

Words: 1,413

A/N: It’s Aggressively Arospec Week! So, as promised, I’m going to be posting a few blurbs/short one shots and things during the coming week to celebrate, all of them taking place within my Platonically verse. All of the posts will be tagged as “platonically event” in case you want to find them later (or block the tag)

This first one is inspired by a song - Promise by The Novel Ideas. I think it was probably written with a more romantic relationship in mind but theres a few lyrics in there that I choose to interpret as queerplatonic, and that especially reminded me of Ben and Reader in Platonically.

Ben’s house was a comforting place. You’d always felt comfortable there, since you’d first become friends with Ben, but especially after you got together. It was bigger than your place for one, an actual house and not a rundown flat you had to share to afford, though it was still fairly small. Its yard was almost non-existent but there was a scrap out the back that caught the sun in the afternoons. More than once you and however many friends had huddled there on wintery afternoons to warm up or else sprawled out in as few layers as you could get away with hoping the mercury wouldn’t rise much higher. So, after a day mostly spent indoors, huddled at your computers, you and Ben decided it might be nice to take a picnic rug out into the sunshine to relax before you had to worry about dinner. Of course, when Ben suggested the idea he chose to use the phrase, “boost our vitamin D levels” and you thought he was insinuating something else entirely.   “Well if that’s really what you want,” he laughed, pretending to reach for the waistband of his joggers.

Instead you stuck to his original idea, grabbing a fuzzy orange blanket from his wardrobe and laying it out over the patchy grass, throwing a couple of pillows down on top so your heads at least would be comfortable. For a while you just sort of did your own things near each other. Ben was preparing for a new movie so took the opportunity to read over the information he had and sections of the script, occasionally muttering to himself or highlighting something important (nearly always almost dropping his phone onto his face). And you happily stretched out beside him, relishing the warmth of the sun as you played games on your phone and scrolled through Tumblr. But, the lower in the sky the sun got, the closer together you moved until the sky was tinted with pink and you were laying perpendicular to each other, your head resting on his stomach. With a sigh, Ben set aside his phone and looked up at the wispy clouds moving across the sky. You knew what he was thinking about though he stayed quiet. “How long before you go?” “We start shooting in two weeks but I fly out a little before that just so I can get settled and meet everyone and there’s time to do any prep stuff before filming actually begins.” He paused but realised he hadn’t really answered you, “twelve days,” “Thats ages away,” you said with a soft laugh though you both knew the time would go by quickly. It wouldn’t be the first time you waved Ben off at the airport, but it would be the first time since you’d decided to be queerplatonic partners. Something about it made you a little sad, knowing you wouldn’t have your best friend by your side for the few months it took to film the movie, but it wasn’t the end of the world and you were excited on his behalf too.   Ben sighed again, less audibly than before but you could feel it in the way his stomach and chest moved so you rolled over to face him, propping yourself up on your elbow, studying the pensive expression he wore and determining he needed cheering up.   “I expect you to bring me back a present,” He smiled, his eyes drifting from the sky down to you as he let his head turn to the side, “I’ll keep that in mind,” “And I don’t mean something crappy like sweets or whatever junk you usually bring me. That was fine before but there has to be some sort of perk since I’m your partner now. I mean, everyone thinks I’m your girlfriend so you really have no choice here, you have to bring me something good.” The smile slowly spread until Ben was laughing, “Okay, something good it is then.” You giggled along with him, ignoring the patch of hard dirt under your elbow until you couldn’t any longer and instead rolled onto your back so you could lie beside him and let him wrap you up in his arms. And for a little while that was enough. It was close to being too warm, hot as you were from laying in the sun, but you didn’t mind, content in the knowledge that Ben was happy too.

Slowly his grip loosened until it was just his palm rubbing gently over your stomach and side, his thoughts back where they’d been before, “If I’d known I wouldn’t have auditioned for the movie,” “What?” “If I’d known things between us would work. At the time I kinda figured it was a good excuse in case asking you out ruined shit. I could just lay low for a few weeks and then dip, give you some space. But now it kinda feels like a mistake.” “Are you kidding? It’s a great roll, Ben, and you’re going to be amazing in it.” “Yeah I know, and I am excited about it,” “I’d hope so since it means you get to go to Greece,” He gave another soft chuckle at that, “Yeah that’s definitely part of my excitement. And it will be fun. But things are really good with you. Like really good. And I don’t want to ruin that by leaving.” You understood where he was coming from but still felt he was being a bit ridiculous, “You better not be getting romantically sentimental on me. It’s not like we live in the Regency period and have to rely on letters in the post or whatever. And besides, we’re not romantically involved so it’s a bit stupid for you to get all depressed about going.” You gave him a poke in the ribs for good measure.   “I promise I’m not,” there was an audible lift in his voice, “I just feel very protective of you. I don’t want you to be sad.” “Uhhhh, I’m going to be house sitting for you so there’s no chance of me being sad. I’ll have this place to myself and I am definitely going to enjoy it. Playing music as loud as I want, eating my way through your stash of chocolate, playing all your video games whenever I want. Able to be loud when I masturbate. No need to worry about accidentally waking up a roommate or walking in on her giving her boyfriend a bj. Fucking paradise really.” Ben snorted at the last bit and squeezed you tight again before kissing your temple, “Okay, sad isn’t a problem then. But I also don’t want you to realise I’m not necessary.” It was your turn to snort though it was less about amusement and more about how daft Ben sounded, “But you aren’t necessary.” “Way to make a guy feel special Y/N,” “No it’s a good thing. Like, being aro, I know I don’t need a relationship of any kind and, honestly, I’d be happy being single. I was happy being single for a long time. I have no desire for a relationship. But I want to be with you anyway. It doesn’t matter that I don’t feel a particular way for you. I just like you so much and think you’re such a good friend and we have so much fun that I’m happy with you. And I don’t want to stop being with you. You being in Greece isn’t going to change that.” “Guess I never thought of it like that. Kinda sweet actually.” “Plus, y’know, we’re pretty great at sex, right?” “Oh definitely great at it.”

It was much darker by then, the sun hanging low in the sky, but you barely noticed as Ben’s lips met yours, soft and comforting at first though neither of you seemed to want to be the one to stop the kiss. So neither of you did stop it. Instead you both shifted around to make it easier, eventually settling with his knee between your legs, giving you something to rock against as his arms loosened and his hands slid down to cup your arse. You knew you would miss him while he was away. He was your best friend so of course you would. But you weren’t worried. And you hoped you could at least distract Ben from whatever worries he had about it, if not cure them entirely.   “It’s getting dark Benny, you wanna move this inside? Think I’m a little low on Vitamin D.”

[nanaminsonyfans]

👑See Me In A Crown👑

Masterlist ✨ Requesting Rules ✨ Song Inspired Oneshots

Request; DABI x READER: YOU SHOULD SEE ME IN A CROWN- BILLY EILISH. THATS A BADASS DUO AND NO ONE CAN TELL ME OTHERWISE

A/N; True true, I highly agree, this is a gender neutral reader btw. Also, i took mega inspiration from the see me in a crown music video. Rock and roll buckeroo!

Pairing; Dabi x Villain!Reader

Warnings; manga spoilers, blood, semi gore, swearing, anime s4 spoilers

{gif is not mine}

“L/n, Y/n. Quirk: Nightmare. They can make one’s deepest nightmare come true. Villain name: Darkness.” A raspy voice spoke as a h/c haired person stood behind Dabi. That was you. You had a twisted smirk on your face, peaking from behind. “Scary huh? I was dismissed as a hero. Now I’m here~” You hummed. “Why did you bring their police report here?” The blue haired man asked, examining your figure from behind Dabi.

“Because he just broke me out of course.” You said in a monotone voice and stepped out beside Dabi. “L/n, bite your tongue.” Dabi commanded, you just stuck your tongue out and bit it. “You’re Tomura Shigaraki, yes?” You smirked and walked over to him. “You’re plan to finish off all of the heroes is failing yes? You let go of you’re chance to work with Kai Chisaki, he was very powerful, but you aren’t.” You smirked and leaned forward.

“I will kill you, L/n.” Tomura growled, you just laughed and then his hand went around your neck, pinkie lifted of course. You gave him a twisted grin as your eyes darkened to complete black. “Do it. Why aren’t you?” Your voice had gotten deeper as you invaded his mind, looking for his worst fear. “Y/n.” Dabi said in a warning tone. “Saved by the bell eh?” You smirk and grab Tomura’s wrist, ripping it away from touching your neck. “Try some lotion sometime, it might do you some good.” You whisper in his ear before retreating back to Dabi’s side. 

Your comment towards Tomura made a blonde girl giggle but she quickly shut up. “They’re strong-” Dabi started, “They are cocky and disrespectful.” Tomura cut him off. The man beside you sighed deeply and crossed his arms. “They are strong, level headed, and can talk anyone down in seconds. They’re perfect for the League of Villains since we got rid of Chisaki.” You smiled and nodded happily. “Fine. They are your responsibility, scar face.” Tomura huffed and left the room. And so it begins.

Dabi thought, instead of wasting a Nomu, he would send you to deal with Endeavor and Hawks. “Dabi, that’s boring. Stupid Number One hero will kill me.” You whined to Dabi as you both sat in an abandoned parking garage. “Bite your tongue and bide your time. He won’t kill you, baby. You think I would let that happen? He’ll simply kill his fear.” The man across from you answered as you sat across from him. When he called you baby always made your heart flutter.

“Dabi, you don’t understand. The nightmare would be an extension of myself. If he does kill the nightmare, I’ll take awhile to recover.” You say, a small hint of fear in your voice. “I’ll be completely vulnerable.” “Then I’ll come get you. Don’t worry okay baby?” You sigh and nod. “Yeah okay.” You say, before smirking evilly. “I’m gonna run this nothing town.” Dabi grins at that statement and kisses you. “You’ll look great in a crown.” He smirked.

The time came and you sat in the same restaurant as Hawks and Endeavor. A table maybe ten or fifteen feet away. As a villain, you couldn’t always rely on your quirk, just like heroes couldn’t. You sat in the corner with a baggy black cloak on, messing with a Queen of Hearts card in your hand. Like a card trick of sorts. “Y/n, are you ready?” Your boyfriend’s voice rang through your small earpiece. “Yeah yeah.” You mumble and looked at the marble wall behind you as the waitress came up. “Would you like-” Her voice was cut short.

Count my cards, watch them fall, blood on a marble wall.

You smiled when you saw the blood on the wall and turned around to see everyone screaming and the two heroes looking at you. You grabbed the card that you threw that was now stuck in the wall and covered with blood. You licked the corner while smiling. “Oh yes! Keep screaming please!” You turned to the now standing heroes.

“I like the way they all....scream.” You smirk while licking the splattered blood from your lips and wiping your face with your sleeve. “Damn, and here I thought you were kinda pretty.” Hawks said, glaring at you as you grabbed more cards, one between each finger. “If you think I’m pretty, you should see me on a crown. I’m gonna run this nothing town~”  You grin and threw more cards but Hawks deflected them with his feathers. “I’m not after you anyways, bird boy.” You hiss and take your hood off, grinning now.

“Tell me, Mr. Number One Hero, which one is worse? Living or dying first? Sleeping inside a hearse? Don’t worry, you’ll be in one soon!” You laugh as your eyes turned black. “Shit, Endeavor that’s Darkness! They broke out yesterday!” Hawks warning before you conjured up Endeavor’s worst nightmare. You let out a low chuckle before shooting through the roof.

There were certain levels of a fear, simple, mild, darkness. You started off simple, any hero’s fear would be innocent people dying. You conjured up black smoke that cut through the building you were just in. “Enji Todoroki eh? Seems you have a lot of fears.” You taunt as the Hell Flame hero dodged at you. You were able to dodge each of his attacks. “Ah, it seems you are afraid of All Might. Perhaps because he will always be stronger than you?” You laugh

Your black smoke took the form of All Might, now fighting Endeavor for you. Dabi let loose the grey Nomus to keep other Pros in the area occupied along with Hawks. “How’s everything up there?” “Perfect Dabi.” You hum back into the comlink before returning your attention to Endeavor, whom was just thrown to a rooftop. You grinned as you heard screams from down on the ground. “This is wonderful...ACK!” You held your stomach as you started to cough up blood.

You looked over at Endeavor who was now on the ground, though he landed one good hit to your nightmare, it was still okay. You huff and glare at the unmoving hero and threw a card at his eye. That woke him up, his painful scream echoing through the worthless city. You laughed and wiped your mouth from the blood. “Ah, you are weak. Shouldn’t be Number One after all eh?” You taunt with your voice coming through the nightmare All Might. You sent the nightmare after Hawks until you started to cough up blood again.

“What the fuck?!” You scream as you see a fireball crash into the city, like a meteor. Your entire body went limp from your nightmare being destroyed. Your body went flying to the ground until a hero caught you. Damned Hawks. When the two Pros were together again, you in Hawks arms, Dabi finally decided to show up. “Give them back.”

You were still semi-conscious so you heard the raw emotions in your boyfriends voice. “Who-” Endeavor started before Dabi started a whirlwind of blue fire. You took your chance to use the last of your energy to run to the man. “I’m sorry Dabi, I should’ve been better.” You said weakly but was quickly soothed when he kissed your forehead and picked you up. “I will kill you next time, Number One.” He hissed before disappearing.

Later that day you sat in the same parking garage, but this time on a bed, rubbing your skinned knee and stabbed thigh with rubbing alcohol so it wouldn’t get infected. Outside the door you heard yelling. “I told you to send a Nomu, not your fucking sidekick.” A man hissed at who you assumed was Dabi. “They had to prove themselves to the League, I thought this was their chance. It still go the job done, didnt it? Hawks?” Dabi smirked before going back to you. Hawks? Why was Dabi talking to a hero?

[half-a-hetero]

ATLA BATTLE OF THE BANDS AU SETUP PT. 1

oK SO I’VE HAD THIS AU IN MY HEAD FOR TWO FKN DAYS AND I HAVE COME TO EVER SO GRACIOUSLY INJECT IT INTO YOUR MIND- THE GAANG PLUS YUE AND THE FIRE NATION GALS IN BANDS. a battle of the bands au. tHINK OF THE aRt. n i’m thinking zukka and yueki, and they meet at battle of the bands but yk...we got 2 sets of pining idiots yk yk. i thought this up five (5) days ago and iM DYING 

(tw: mentions of canon-typical abuse, and past death)

this is basically just the setup but i’ll add little tidbits and worldbuilding and art later

zuko (18): drums + backup vocals

mai (16): bass guitar

ty lee (15): keyboard

azula (15): lead guitar + vocals

suki (17/18): rhythm guitar

they do some group vocals/harmonies but not that often

so like azula has this really strong, really powerful voice, and that means she could do really moving rock ballads/power ballads, and etc etc. she took extensive guitar and voice lessons as a kid because of That Fucker Ozai™ and thats why she has so much control. same with zuko, except he didnt take voice lessons (he just liked singing) and quit guitar after ozai went to jail (it was a painful reminder of The Shit He Went Through) and took up drums to let out his anger and frustrations instead. Azula stuck with guitar because it was something she loved to do, despite her past.

where azula has a bold voice, zuko has a raspy-yet-smooth-at-the-same-time one that matches azula’s really well. while she’s off singing power notes, hes singing the lower, raspier undertones and it sounds really nice.

zuko also took up art classes and is genuinely proud of his work.

he’s secretly (its not that much of a secret) an art nerd

zuko, azula, and suki wrote a few songs together, kinda

for lack of better explanation, ozai was (canon-typically) abusive, and he got drunk one day and got mad at zuko and pushed him. zuko fell into the fireplace, and boom. scar.

azula got mainly mental trauma because zuko would take the blow for her, but she got therapy and theyre both for the most part better (there are still some relapses)

azula’s secretly a DC nerd

zUkO wEaRs riNgs 

the canon-typical atla “ozai pitting them against eachother sibling rivalry” comes into play through guitar (hence why zuko drops it. he wanted to let his sister have something she loved for herself. also, he didnt like it). ozai was a classical guitarist and famous [the money and the “royalty” canon aspects]

should i….mullet zuko?

aro azula and toph >>>>

ty lee is still from the circus, except this time mai was there too, which is where she learned knife-throwing. they both ran away from the circus summer after freshman year and met azula though mai’s bass lessons (alternatively, they met at martial arts classes). theyre 14/15. they moved in with azula, zuko, and iroh around the middle of sophomore year (grade 10) when ozai was arrested. the azula and ty lee were 15, mai was 16, and zuko was 17 at the time, around the ages they were in the show when the war ended (i think??)

azula said it didn't matter cause they had a huge house. she says it was half-empty, anyways, but mai and ty lee know that meant she liked their company.

they get along really well with suki

everyone realizes they can all play instruments, the core parts of a [rock] band. they start playing together, and eventually decide to become a band

their band is called ‘the kyoshi warriors’ (or something idk this is off the top of my head) in honor of the girls’ martial arts instructor, master kyoshi, who passed away

WAIT SJITGHHFSD FAN THE FLAMES IS A GOOD NAME TOO WHAT (although i can see that being more of a song name) credits to boom ( @boomerangsandadora) for that (go check out their ideas on this au)

theyre inseparable

together, mai, ty lee, suki, azula and zuko look fucking menacing. just imagine that. fucking bamfs

mai skateboards. just. this is a kind of important plot device. shh.

suki joins their friend group gradually. first, she’s attended azula’s martial arts class since they were in second grade, and moved up the belts like wildfire (along with azula). she tried to befriend azula a few times, but gave up over the years because azula wasnt interested in friendship (no thanks to ozai pressuring her to always be first. azula saw her as a rival, suki saw azula as a particularly competitive classmate and but equal in skill). She was zuko’s classmate since freshman year (grade 9) but only became his friend in sophomore year through a literature assignment the two were paired up in. she was really his only friend, cause everyone was too busy sizing up his scar. the two became inseparable then on.

she plays rhythm guitar because she loves guitar but agrees that azula is better at being in the (relative) spotlight

on the outside, suki and zuko looked tough, but underneath that, they’re two bumbling, pining gay idiots

suki’s parents both died in a fire, so she grew up with her “cool gay aunt” who was also a feminist and a mixed martial arts instructor.

suki spends her time teaching the beginner classes at the dojo

she met azula + the girls thru martial arts and zuko

overall thingies:

even though zuko is oblivious to sokka’s reciprocate feelings, no one else is. mai, azula, and ty le are just like “zuko wtf you’re more blind than toph”

he thinks the rest of his friends dont know about his crush bu he forgets who his sister is. honestly. all he talks about is sokka, it isnt hard.

unlike a lot of other bands, they actually have more complicated and interesting bass riffs, and a lot of times when writing songs they start with bass and build up from there

azula and toph get along becaus theyre the only sensible ones around. all their friends are pining idiots and they bond over their mutual superiority 🪄🧃🧃

mai skateboards at the same skatepark as sokka and aang. she’s long since past trying to teach zuko (he’s an uncoordinated gay mess) (who can somehow still play drums ??what???)but once she sees him agree to learn to skate from sokka she knows what’s up

suki’s birthday is during th time this fic happens, and she invites yue to the party (she tells zuko he has to invite sokka because even though she loves her bestie, he really is dumb)

“hey yue, we’re having a little get-together for my birthday, and i was wondering if you wanted to come?” compare to zuko’s “uh—hey sokka? i, um. suki’s birthday is pretty soon, and, well. we’re having a get-together to celebrate? and i—she asked me to invite someone? andifyoudontwannagothatstotallyfineimsorryforbotheringyou-” (includes much stammering and heavy blushing)

on the outside suki’s all calm (someone has to be the “i’m a mess but i dont look it” friend🙄🙄. honestly)but on the inside she’s like

“oh my gOD is that dyed hair hOLY FUcK thats so badass and she pLAYS BASS TOo that’s hOt”

“WAITWHATTHEFUCKISSHESPEAKINGTOME- ?? she’s laughing now she’s gORGEOUS- ThE giGGLEs i CANt bREatHE-”

“hOLY mOtHEr of kYosHi sHe’s wEAriNG lEsbiAn riNgS sHIT and her voice is so nice too fUCK i think i’m in love-”

[venomous--fics]

Kasady

Summary: You're Cletus Kasady's younger sister, but you've never told anyone. Now his name is everywhere in the news and everyone wants your side of the story.

Warnings: Mentions of past abuse, panic attacks, swearing

Mood music: Lover is a Day- Cuco

A/n: Aaaaye, sorry if this is a dumb idea. I just haven't seen anyone write this type of story? If someone has, anyone wanna link me a fic? Feedback is appreciated and requests are open! My queue is filled with the last batch I got, so expect those soon!

You almost dreaded leaving the apartment anymore. All you saw was his big, stupid, ugly face everywhere. Oh, he did that, oh, he did this, let's remind everyone that he's a monster in prison! Oh, but there's a plot twist; You hated it because you were, unfortunately, related to the guy. Nobody outside your adoptive parents knew. 

You didn't like talking about, you didn't even like thinking about it. You had to put up with so much shit because of that guy. You were grateful that you were young enough that nobody knows or remembers what you look like now. You even changed your last name a few times. First, you changed it to Smith when your parents adopted you, then you changed it to Brock when you got married to Eddie.

It shouldn't bother you, you're a Brock, not a Kasady. However, you couldn't help but feel like that was just your identity. Once a Kasady, always a Kasady. You felt even worse because Eddie had taken up on the Kasady story as a huge part of his new job. 

You were proud of him for finally getting back to what he loved, but sooner or later his trail would come back to you. What were you supposed to tell him? It felt like the walls were closing in on you, and that there was an anchor slowing crushing you. You had to remind yourself to just take it all in one breath at a time. This is just some fad, some story. It'll all go away.

What if it doesn't?

Your head was spinning and you closed your eyes as you sat on your bed. Everything was so quiet, and even that was alarming.

"Babe? We're home!" Eddie voice rang through the apartment.

You sucked in a breath and hopped up and out of the room, "How was work?"

You just wanted to forget about it. 

"Eh, you know." he smiled as he hung his jacket up, "Same shit."

Venom appeared, looking a bit annoyed, "Easy for you to say."

"What's got you in a sour mood, big guy?" you asked, walking over and giving Venom a small kiss before turning to Eddie and giving him a kiss as well.

Venom hesitated for a moment, mostly out of embarrassment, "Well, nothing now, but some guy called us a dick."

"That wasn't very nice of them." you replied, "How about I make some dinner? I was thinking chicken nuggets or- Uh, chicken nuggets."

Eddie looked at Venom, "That's a tough choice. I guess chicken nuggets it is." You preheated the oven, "Why don't you two go get into something a little comfier?"

"Already ahead of you," Eddie said as he walked to the bedroom. 

There was barely any noise for a couple minutes before Eddie said, "So, you know that story I'm working on?"

"Of course," you said, feeling the anxiety building back up. 

"Well, I," he paused, you assumed he was putting a shirt on, "I've reached a dead end with it."

"Oh?" 

"Yeah, I was talking to Cletus- Red- Whatever the hell they're gonna call him.. And he was asking me if he knew anything about his sister." Eddie stumbled out of the room as he pulled up his sweatpants, "I mean, everyone was talking about that, but I figured it was a bunch of bs."

"Oh." you repeated.

"so, I spent a majority of my day trying to find any information on this poor woman- And it's almost like he just fell off the grid."

"Well," you awkwardly chuckled as you got the bag of frozen nuggets out of the freezer, "I guess when a serial killer is your family, you'd want to disappear too, right?"

"I suppose," Eddie said.

Venom, meaning no harm, but just wanting to be part of the conversation, "Maybe he killed her, Eddie. People said that too. Maybe that's why we can't find her."

Out of habit, you put your hand over a scar you had on your arm as a lump form in your throat. It wasn't a nasty scar by any means, it was barely noticeably at this point. It was just a constant reminder. 

You had lied to Eddie and told you that a biker had clipped you one day when you were coming home from work, but that was far from the truth. You wish it had been an innocent accident like that. The reality of it was that, before you and Cletus were removed from your home, he had attempted to, as he put it, saw your arm off. 

Lucky for you, and being the world's biggest crybaby, again, as he would've put it, your mother had heard you screaming. Of course, she always wanted to think that Cletus would just grow out of all of this horrid stuff. You always thought if she had changed her mind, maybe she'd still be alive.

Sometimes you wished Cletus had actually killed you too, it would've been less painful than everything else you had to go through. Growing up, with Cletus always on the news for the shit he'd done, and every thing inbetween, you were slightly grateful that people would make up the rumours that you were dead. Maybe then they'd leave you alone. 

You put yourself on autopilot, taking a trip down trauma lane as you put everything into the oven and set a timer. 

Cletus wasn't always outwardly violent, but that doesn't mean he was kind. He would always pick on you, or tell you that nobody even wanted you. He'd always take your things and ruin them, whether it be lighting them on fire or just cutting them up. 

You were so young, and you tried to believe that maybe older siblings were just like that. Maybe it was normal for them to try to leave you to die in the woods, or maybe it was normal when he'd 'jokingly' push you towards oncoming traffic. You had a lot to unlearn when you got adopted. You never wanted to be around other kids, and you barely spoke, even when you had gone to therapy. Sometimes you'd get angry at nothing and beat up pillows, and no matter what, your adoptive parents also responded with love and understanding.

You never had to deal with siblings again. Your adoptive parents are the only souls, outside the social workers, who ever knew what had gone on with your birth family. you were thankful for that.

The cycle still repeats it self, however. Some days you feel fine, you don't find yourself thinking about it, but then one little thing comes barging in and ruins it all. 

You had completely lost yourself in a memory, and not a good one. You could hear your heart beating in your ear, and you must've been staring off into space.  

The basement was dimly lit, and you remember your dad said he would replace the bulb, but he always forgot. You were stuck to a chair, and you couldn't stop whimpering. 

"You're such a crybaby." 

Cletus came into view with a roll of duct tape. He fiddled with it, trying to get it undone. You shut your eyes and tried to keep quiet. Maybe if you were quiet, he'd let you go.

He finally got a piece cut and he was going to put it over your mouth, but you kept shaking your head, calling out for you mom. You were even kicking at Cletus, which just seemed to annoy him more. 

"Stop it! Stop! Go away! Go away, Cletus!" 

There was something inside Cletus that just made him hate everyone around him. He had no regard for any other form of life. He didn't even feel bad about what he had planned to do to you. In fact, he had blamed you for it, he kept telling you that if you weren't so annoying, or if you were never even born, he wouldn't have to do this.

Finally getting fed up with your struggling, he grabbed your face and put the duct tape over your mouth. This made your crying worse. You could heard footsteps from the floor above you, and you were praying that whoever was up there heard you and was coming to your rescue.

Cletus proceeded to duct tape your arm down to the arm of the chair, making extra sure that it hurt. You were no more than five years old, and you were already telling yourself that this was how you were going to die. 

"You know that old bat can't hear you, stupid." Cletus spat as he turned away to get something.

That's when you remembered where you were. You were at your grandma's house for the weekend. You two would get left here every so often, normally when your parents had errands to run. This time, mom and dad weren't coming back. You were stuck here. 

You were thinking about all the small details of her house now, to distract yourself from what was about to happen.

Mary Poppins. Your grandmother had an odd obsession with her. She had all this little figurines that she decorated her house with. You were never sure why she liked Mary Poppins so much, but you found it endearing. 

She would always hum the songs when she was baking. 

A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.

You could practically hear her humming along.

Thats when Cletus turned back around and you saw the shimmer of the knife he had. You tried to just think of anything else, but nothing was working now. Everything was so quiet and the only noise was the sligh thum of the old light bulb.

"If you were never born, this wouldn't be happening," he sneered at you as he pushed the knife down onto your arm, "This is your fault."

He kept talking, and you wanted to keep crying, but you found everything so stressful that you were feeling tired. You didn't even have the strength to pay any mind to the burning pain in your arm. It was almost like you'd given up. 

Then you heard her voice. It was calling out for both you and Cletus. It was getting louder, Cletus huffed and dropped the knife on the floor. 

"One noise out of you and I'll make you suffer." he cackled a little bit, "Doesn't really matter, I was going to make you suffer anyways." 

You watched hazily as Cletus made his way up the stairs. You tried to wiggle out of the duct tape restraints, but it caused too much pain, so you gave up. The voices were getting more and more muffled. Cletus was leading her away from the basement. 

You wanted to go home. You wanted to be anywhere but here. You felt more tears welling up in your poor little eyes, and you closed them tightly. Just make it go away. It'll go away.

You remember hearing a lot of noise from upstairs. It sounded like things getting broken, and then several big thuds. You closed your eyes tighter. It grew quiet again. 

You heard the basement creak open, and you heard the soft whimpers of the family pet, Fifi. You loved Fifi. She was a good dog. Cletus came down the stairs, holding the dog by the collar, and you watched as Fifi wriggled and yipped as she tried to get free. 

You were tried to scream at him, but the duct tape muffled any noise that came out of your mouth. Cletus retrieved the knife and dragged the dog back a few steps. You wanted to look away. You didn't want to watch. You were frozen in terror as Cletus held the dog down and lifted the knife.

He was grinning so sadistically. 

You felt something warm wrap around you and you jumped ten feet in the air, pushing them away and yelling, "Don't touch me! Just stay back!" 

Eddie flinched and held his hands up as he took a step back, "Sorry! Sorry! Didn't mean to scare you." 

You tried to catch your breath as you stared at him. You looked like you'd just seen a ghost. Eddie looked a little startled as he lowered his hands and slowly walked over to you, "Are you okay?"

You took another step back as you tried to calm your nerves, "Yeah, I- No- Yes, I'm.. I'm fine. Sorry for- I." 

"Why don't we go sit down for a second.. You look like you're about to pass out." What do you do? What do you say? 

"Did I cause this?" Eddie sounded a little hurt, thinking that he'd unintentionally caused you any harm, "Baby, I'm so sorry." 

"It wasn't you. I just.." you needed to just think of some excuse, "The whole Kas- Cletus thing is just.. Stressful." 

Eddie gently put a hand on your lower back and you flinched again, causing him to move it. 

"I just mean," you sighed a little, "I see it everywhere. It's- I- Nevermind." 

You were fighting with yourself. You were going to say it.

"It's alright. We don't have to talk about it anymore." He sounded so sincere, "And it'll all go away after-"

"That's just it," you wrapped your arms around yourself as you tried so hard to fight those stupid crybaby tears back, "It won't go away."

Despite your best efforts, the tears came running down your face, and Eddie went to wipe your face, but you flinched away and ran into your bedroom. You slammed the door a little too hard behind you, repeating, "It just won't go away." "Y/n," Eddie said, slightly confused as he walked over to the door. He couldn't open the door because you were sitting in front of it, and he could hear you crying. "Baby?"

He crouched down and sat down on the floor. He didn't understand what was going on, and Venom sure as hell didn't know either. They wanted to ask what was wrong, but maybe you'd tell them on your own. 

"Sorry," you said between sniffles. 

"It's okay." Eddie replied, leaning against the door, "What's going on?" You took in a few deep breaths before wiping your face, "It's a long story." Eddie, being a smartass, leaned forward a little to get a peek at the oven timer, "We have time."

You chuckled a little because you heard the door creak with his movement. Eddie chuckled too as he leaned back into his original position. Venom poked out of Eddie's arm and looked at the door for a moment before looking at Eddie, who just nodded a little. The little symbiote wrapped around Eddie's arm and got comfortable as you started talking.

"There-" you shivered a little, "Eddie, there's a good reason why nobody can find Cletus' sister."

Eddie looked at the door, intrigued. Did you know her somehow? Maybe through work? Were you helping her hide somewhere?

"And why's that?" 

"Because, I-" you wiped your eyes again, trying to not burst into tears, "I'm Y/n Kasady." 

Eddie tensed a little as he continued to stare at the door. "You're Y/n Kasady?" 

You hesitated, "Unfortunately, but I mean, legally, I'm not really a Kasady anymore...Obviously." 

Eddie looked down to the floor, taking it all in. Everything made sense now. "How come you never mentioned it?" 

"You think I wanna talk about it?" you didn't mean to come off as bitter, "I just- I hated it. I hated everything to do with that name..Nothing good comes from being a Kasady."

"Nothing good comes from bein' a Brock either." 

"Eddie." you whined.

"Sorry, sorry. I'll try to save the jokes for later." 

"I just never wanted to talk about it." you continued, "Besides, what the hell would I even tell people? You think reporters want to hear a five year old talk about the most horrendous shit?"

"You were five?" Eddie's voice sounded so hoarse. He didn't knowing anything about the elusive Kasady sibling. The fact that it was you,and you were only five made everything worse. 

You couldn't seem to stop yourself, "Cletus was a monster. He killed our grandma- He- He.. Oh god, he tortured the dog while I was duct taped to a chair. Not to mention that he tried to cut my arm off right before all of that- Yeah, that scar? It wasn't from some stupid biker."

"Jesus," Eddie sounded mortified, "I'm..Sorry." 

"To make matters worse, I almost got lost in the system because he burned down the orphanage we were both at." you paused, remembering that day, "With everyone but us inside of it." 

Venom wasn't going to say it, but he felt a little mortified. He had never met a human who was capable of those awful things. 

"They had to separate us, because they thought it would stop him from acting out. That didn't work. Cletus just-" your rant broke off into another fit of helpless sobs, "He ruins everything he touches. I know It's been decades since all of that. I haven't seen him since I was five, but I still live in constant fear-" "He can't hurt you-" 

"What if he breaks out of prison again? What then?" you sounded very panicked, "I have always been on edge. Cletus is a smart man, Eddie- It wouldn't take much to figure out where I am- Or my parents.. Or-"

"Hey, hey," Eddie said softly, "That's not gonna happen. You wanna know why?" "Why?' you croaked, slouching against the door. 

"Because we won't let it." 

You did feel safer since Eddie and venom came into your life. You also knew that they'd rather die then to let anyone hurt you. Cletus was nothing but madman, and it wouldn't take Venom very long to put an end to him. "We love you." Venom said.

You slowly turned to sit on your knees as you opened the door. You looked at Eddie and venom with a weak smile, and Eddie held out his arms, "Come here." You crawled into his arms, and Eddie held you close to him, "I'm sorry you went through that, but I promise you that nothing will ever hurt you again." 

Venom untangled himself from Eddie's arm and wrapped around yours, "We will eat whatever tried to hurt you." 

You curled up closer to him, feeling a lot better, "I know you will...Sorry for being a crybaby."

"Don't need to apologize." Eddie said sweetly, "If it makes you feel better, I can make something up for the story. Just to get it over with." 

"You'd lose your job if they found out that you lied."

Eddie shrugged, "Plenty of other jobs in the world, love." 

"It's okay," you said, "I think, maybe, I..If it's you, I can talk about it. I'm just afraid of how people will see me after. They'll probably think that I'm just like him." 

Eddie rubbed your back softly, "Nobody will think that." 

"Who cares what a bunch of losers think anyways?" Venom looked up at you with all the love he could muster, "We think you are wonderful."  

"You guys are pretty wonderful too." you replied, smiling at them. 

You gave Venom a kiss before you cupped Eddie's face and gave him one as well. Everything felt okay again, and this time you knew they'd remain that way. A startling beep rang through the apartment and you all jumped a little. You then began chuckling as Eddie helped you up. It was just the oven. 

"You okay?" Eddie asked as he watched you get the food out of the oven. He saw you differently now. Not in a bad way, but in a good way. He know understood everything he needed to know, and he knew that you were doing everything in you power to get better. He was proud of you. 

"Yeah, actually." you said, "I guess talking about it really does help.. I was just afraid that maybe," you laughed a little, "Maybe you'd want a divorce, because who wants an infamous serial killer as an in-law?" 

Eddie, seeing the opportunity to lighten the mood with a joke, said, "A what as a what now? I thought you were an only child." 

You looked at him with the softest expression, "Thanks." 

He smiled as he came over and wrapped his arms around your waist, "Don't worry about it." 

You wanted to stay like this forever. Unfortunately, the moment was ruined when Eddie went to grab a nugget right off the tray and yelped as it burned him. "They just got done." you said, trying not to laugh, "You watched me pull them out." 

He went over to the sink and ran his hand under some cold water, "Yeah, but..Why are they still so hot?" 

"Eddie," you laughed, "They just came out of a piping hot oven." 

You got a couple of plates out of the cupboard as Eddie dried his hands. You were putting them on the kitchen island as you saw him go for another nugget out of the corner of your eye. Sometimes its good that not everything changes.

[lamesiscanon]

Pine Tree

Day 8 coming in 6. DAYS. LATE. because someone's computer decided to just not work anymore :( Anyways, thats my excuse so please enjoy. (prompt list by @remus-john-lupin )

The morning chill was almost enough for Remus to tuck his feet back under the blankets and succumb once again to the comfortable lull of sleep and a warm body tucked against him. Key word: almost. Remus hadn’t set his wand alarm this early for nothing, and he was going to stick to his plan. With great effort, he swung his legs out from under the blankets and over the edge of the bed to quietly get ready for a cold morning spent in the snow. 

Lemon raised her head from her spot on the sofa when he came downstairs. If she was curious why Remus was awake so early, she didn’t show. Instead, she licked her paws a few times and laid back down again to go to sleep. Reese’s was another story. Her wagging tail hit Remus on the shins a couple of times as he leaned down and tried to pet her. He was able to calm Reese’s down by pouring her an early helping of food in her bowl, and Lemon’s too, just to be fair. The dog and kneazle best friend duo ate side by side as Remus prepared his morning tea as quietly as possible, and then he’d be out of the house. 

Reese’s came to the door with him after she was done eating, tugging on her leash hanging from a hook near the back door. They rarely used it, but it was her way of showing that she wanted to be outside. Deciding that it wouldn’t hurt to have her with him, Remus opened the door for the both of them to venture into the expanse of trees they were lucky to call their back yard.

The morning was light, but there was not yet any rays of sun to warm him through the three layers of coats. Remus took Sirius’ sweatshirt as his first layer, and then wore his own jacket as a second, and finally, Lyall’s old flannel coat was bundled tightly over the whole of it. Still, Remus was looking forward to either the sun rising, or getting back to the cabin. Which ever came first. 

Reese’s walked ahead of him, diving under the fresh powder of the forest and barking at random tree branches. She disappeared under a pile of snow for a couple of seconds before coming back out with her tongue out and tail wagging happily. 

The search for the perfect pine tree was tougher than Remus was expecting. It was easy to completely disregard the few aspen trees scattered here and there and focus on the green pines, which were tall and plentiful. But that was exactly the problem. Remus was trying to surprise Sirius with the perfect real tree to put in their living room, and everything he’s spotted so far was either too tall or too bare.

Reese’s started barking again, though this time she was out of Remus’ sight. He gave up on the tree he was looking at now, which wouldn’t have been too tall if he just cut from the middle but it wasn’t full enough. Instead, he followed the sounds of Reese’s’ barking and found her facing the most beautiful pine tree in the world. It was the perfect height with the ideal amount of branches. It wasn’t bare in the slightest, but it wasn’t too full that Sirius could decorate it if he chose to. It was exactly what Remus was looking for when he came out into the forest at the crack of dawn.

In hindsight, he should’ve realized that there would’ve been a completely different reason for a dog to be barking at a regular pine tree, but Remus had it cut with his wand and levitating behind him as he made his way back to their cabin home. Reese’s was still barking at the tree when they arrived on the back porch, so Remus left her outside to get some of her energy out while he set the tree up in it’s stand in the corner next to the fireplace. When all was said and done, Remus went back to the kitchen for another cup of tea and to get started on a proper breakfast for him and Sirius. 

Halfway through cooking the hash browns, a pair of arms made their way around his waist and a chin was resting over his shoulder. 

“Hey.” Remus greeted, leaning his head against the one resting on him for just a moment before focusing back on the food. 

“Hey yourself. Would you mind telling me why there’s a pine tree in our living room?” Sirius’ voice was still groggy with sleep and his tone was accusing, though his arms didn’t go anywhere from Remus’ waist. 

“Hmmm, well if I remember correctly, I’m pretty sure I went out and cut it down this morning.” Remus took the pan of hash browns off the heat and turned around in Sirius’ arms to face him. “Since you wanted one, and all.” 

Sirius squinted his eyes up at Remus for a moment before his face broke out into the widest of grins and he leaned up to kiss him. “I only mentioned it in passing, you know. You didn’t actually have to wake up this early just to get me a tree.” 

“No shit?” Remus asked, trailing his hands up and down Sirius’ arms and relishing in the warmth that was brought back to him after his frigid morning. “I wonder why I did it anyway... hm, could be that I’m in love with you.”

Sirius kissed him, a quick peck to the lips before he was dragging Remus away from breakfast and into the other room to look at the tree.

In the living room, they found Lemon in her same spot still snoozing on the couch. One look told them Reese’s was outside the window on the back porch, no longer barking but staring intently at the tree. Remus paid no mind. 

Sirius walked around the tree, trying to look contemplative but was betrayed by his own wide grin that took over. Remus watched him, content with the peaceful moment of the beautiful morning and with himself for finding such a beautiful tree, and nothing had even gone wrong. 

“Remus?” Sirius spoke up now, standing behind a branch where Remus couldn’t see him. “Why is there a hedgehog in our pine tree?” 

Remus hurried over, putting Sirius behind him as an act of protection and getting him out of the way so Remus could get a look at whatever Sirius had spotted. Indeed, there was a little creature nestled on the branches of their pine tree. 

“Oh.” Remus reached out to the animal, looking at the branch it resided on and was careful to keep his voice low. “It’s not a hedgehog, it’s a Knarl. Similar to a hedgehog in looks and behavior, but their quills have magical properties that can be useful in potions. They are cautious creatures, but will take to you almost immediately just by avoiding eye contact and not making so much noise. They don’t like loud things, but they don’t like quiet, either. You can talk to them quietly, but usually humming a song will do the trick.”

Remus was busy trying to convince the Knarl into his open palm and did not notice Sirius staring at him until he was turned around with a tiny creature in his palm. He was smiling to himself and softly petting the animal with two fingers, completely immersed in Professor mode.

“The females are larger in size and have a darker color in quills. Males are smaller, but the unique thing about them is their quills often have a gradient change in color. More often than not, a male Knarl’s quills will start at a darker color closer to the skin and get lighter at the top. Based on the size and color of this one, she’s a fully grown female.” Remus looked up then, and Sirius reveled in the moment Remus remembered that he was at home with his husband, not in his classroom at Hogwarts.

“How do you even know all of that? You’re the DADA professor, not Care of Magical Creatures.” Sirius asked as he came up to pet the Knarl with his own fingers. Remus smiled. 

“I’m just smarter than you, that’s how.” Remus admitted, watching the Knarl curl up in his palm and sniff his fingers. “Any questions?” He joked. 

“Hmmm. How did I get so incredibly lucky?” Sirius asked, but Remus’ only answer was a roll of his eyes. Sirius hummed to himself now, a Led Zeppelin song that had played on the radio yesterday. The Knarl looked up at Sirius, who was careful to avoid eye contact just like Remus said. The creature deemed Sirius a worthy candidate and made to move from Remus’ palm and into Sirius’.

“So, what are we naming her?” Remus asked, beaming at his husband and the way he was marveling at having the Knarl in his hand. 

Sirius’ head snapped up, though he was careful to not jostle the girl. “We can’t keep her, what if she doesn’t want to stay here?”

Remus looked out the window for a brief moment to see Reese’s tail wagging and no longer staring at the pine tree in trepidation. It made sense now, that she had barked at the tree the entire way home and took up guard duty at the window before Remus or Sirius knew that they had another pet on their hands. Reese’s probably deserved a few extra Christmas presents this year. 

“We’ll let her leave if she wants to,” Remus shrugged, “But I did sort of cut down her home on accident, so maybe she’ll want to stay. I’ll name her, you can charm the tree to stay alive, and if she still wants to leave then we’ll allow her to.” 

“Wait, why do you get to name her? You named a Kneazle Lemon!” Sirius asked, careful to still keep his voice down as the Knarl crawled over his arm and explored his jacket. 

“Because she’s yellow and white, it made sense! You named a black dog after a candy that is brown and red so therefore, I get to name our new friend.” Remus stuck out his arm when the Knarl crawled to the ends of Sirius’ fingertips. The Knarl hopped onto Remus’ arm to scurry the whole way up his arm and settle into the flop of greying curls. 

“Oh Merlin, that’s just too precious. Look, Moons, even the animals know your hair is a nest!” Sirius hurried away to find their camera, and Remus was too amused in the situation to be mad. Sirius came back, snapping a picture of Remus looking up towards his hair with a dopey grin on his face while the Knarl snuggled into the curls. 

“So? What’d you decide for the name?” Sirius asked as he put the camera away and sat down on their couch. Lemon woke up and moved herself onto his lap to receive affection. 

“I thought we’d keep the food theme going. She looks like a Cocoa, don’t you think?” Remus took a seat next to Sirius, grabbing his book with his right hand and holding Sirius’ own with his other. The whole time he was careful not to move his head too much. 

“Cocoa? You had an opportunity to call her Carl the Knarl and you went with Cocoa?” 

“Well she doesn’t look like a Carl to me! She looks like a cocoa.” Remus defended. “And you don’t get to say anything about my naming choices since you named our dog after a peanut butter cup.” Remus settled back into the couch, indignant about not being able to settle into his book. 

Sirius let him be for a moment, still holding his hand and petting Lemon. Reese’s had been let in before they had sat down, and she took to running circles around their new pine tree. From the soft breaths coming from on top of Remus’ head, Sirius could tell that Cocoa had fallen asleep. Sirius was struck with the sudden clarity that this was his family, and he felt like he belonged. 

“Hey, Remus?”

Remus didn’t look up from his book, but he hummed in acknowledgement to show that he was listening. Sirius wanted to tell him how he had never before felt so happy, that his best moments were these ones spent with Remus doing almost nothing together. He wanted to tell Remus that he would do anything for him, just like Remus had got up early to go out and get a tree just because Sirius had wanted one even though they didn’t have any ornaments. Most of all Sirius wanted to tell Remus that he was truly, madly, deeply in love with him. Remus knew all of this, though. As much as they said it aloud to each other, they said it through actions, like getting a pine tree for their living room. And so Remus already knew.

“Thanks for the tree.” Sirius told him instead, but he knew Remus heard what he had meant anyway, and beamed.

[unironicduncanstan]

Total Drama Music Camp AU - playlist / performance ideas

here she is,,,, the cursed secret texts,,,,, the total drama music camp playlist , along with some short explanations below, cringe city bitch (most of these are just covers that i feel are the closest to the performance Style id imagine for these characters and not necessarily the exact sound but u feel me) also i went back and tagged my previous posts abt this concept with “td music camp au” so if you dont know what the helling fuck im talking abt plz have a gander xoxo

link: youtube .com/playlist?list=PL-bPcaq3ZK2L682RHPauxrsFIPvGJdsiM (space is there so tumblr hopefully doesnt nerf me from the tag 🥺 )

Some Nights - ok so first weeks challenge. i feel like chris would just want them to all collab together on one huge group performance. kinda like on the first day of school when they make you do the ‘get to know you’ tests. idk exactly who would sing what parts tho bc there are so many so let your imagination run wild !!

Hand crushed by a mallet - ok. OKYAY. im a home of sexual. but this is a Cody, Trent, Tyler, Harold and Izzy song. Cody is on vocals (especially the rap in this version shdofsgjsk), Trent is on guitar and some vocals (does some back and forth with him during the rap), Tyler is on drums (and does that one tiny background screamy bit towards the end), Izzy and Harold are joined up on creating the background track and DJing the whole thing. the distortion/choppy part at the end is izzy LIVE going ape on the audio level sliders. its one of the most energetic performances of the whole series and surprises everyone including the group themselves

Misery Business - Duncan on vocals and guitar, Geoff on drums, Trent also on guitar and maybe some backup vocals. you all know i chose that bc i love associating mgk with duncan but. i rly like this idea actually ;;

Paparazzi - ezekiel. idk who the fuck else except maybe justin bc he’d dance that shit to death. i will not apologize thats Him and its fire but you may write and send any formal complaints to my po box. ill roll a blunt with them,

Pom Pom - Lindsay, Heather, Sadie+Katie, and Izzy. Lindsay and Heather are on vocals, sharing the chorus and each getting a solo verse, and ofc izzy does the weird rap part towards the end, and most of the background track. they all thought they were stuck with izzy but izzy is stuck with these preps. Sadie and Katie are on backup vocals, but their role in this one is mostly dancing and adding ✨ stage presence. 

Maps - Trent is on the guitar and male vocals while Courtney is on the female vocals (the ~top two performers~ gotta have a song together eventually right), DJ on drums, Bridgette on piano. Heather, Lindsay, Justin, and Leshawna are dancers bc lbr the dance from the video is pretty good for a group number

CREEPER? AW MAN - ok this one. is kind of a joke but wouldnt it be rly hilarious if cody, ezekiel, and harold did this one mostly for fun and the whole second part with the existential breakdown was just. used with on stage satire to make fun of chris for being old or smth. like would they suffer that week, yes, would it be worth it, Y E S, 

Shatter me - Eva, Courtney, Gwen, Beth. QwQ Eva’s on vocals for the first time and rocks it, Courtney is on violin, Gwen on drums, and Beth uses her instruments to make a background track before the performance so she can do stage tech/DJ stuff. oh also justin should be on this one bc i want. those costumes from t he vi deo, 

Chop suey - Lindsay and Courtney on vocals (LMAOSJFkSF listen. we love contrast queens that stun the crowd), Duncan on guitar, Eva on drums (and a lot of background screaming to help the Vibe Tee Em)

Unwritten - Leshawna and Trent? ik its a weird combo but i think they’d kill this

Shake it - GEOFF LMFAOGHJKgjfdG

White Winter Hymnal - Lindsay as Kirstie, Noah probably as Avi even tho we all know he can’t sing that fuckgin low. and idk my other 3 bros as Cody, Tyler and Ezekiel. truly iconique group

Forget me too - QWQ DUNCAN AND COURTNEY ,,,,,,,,,,,, i dont apoloigze for the second mgk = duncan pick, anyways duncans also on guitar, gwen on drums (there is no love triangle in this au btw. the only reason theyre singing this song is bc of the regular ~tension~ that u see in like tdi but its just for the stage mostly. as soon as the songs over they would hug and cheer abt it)

Simple and Clean - Bridgette on singing, Gwen on piano, DJ on drums, Beth on general stage stuff + creates the backtrack with Bridgette's harmonies overlayed

Mr. Brightside - OWEN ON THE BRASS YES BBY ITS HIS TIME 2 FUCKIENG SHINE, Geoff on drums, Gwen begrudgingly on piano, Noah is on vocals and they have to literally bribe him with everything they HAVE to get him to try and sing this way. and he does it and it aint too shabby but he will never do it again

Domino - Leshawna on vocals (again these choices are all, based on general vibe and style and not necessarily voice, this is a tiny white girl singing,), Tyler on drums, Duncan on guitar. energy to the max babey the speakers are gonna blow the fuck out on this one

Starships - KATIE AND SADIE GET TO BE A MAIN DUO !!! they alternate lines , with courtney on violin, izzy on that synthy backtrack, and justin is involved in this one bc id change just a couple of things abt the music video costumes for these characters but like. [grabby hands] gimme

Bulletproof - ezekiel vibes.....? izzy and harold get to team up again for the backtrack. weird kids only karaoke night

The Wolves And The Ravens - 🥺 a geoff and bridgette songk,,,,, 

Never Enough Praying (Mashup) - Courtney on Praying, Heather on Never Enough, Beth and Izzy end up together on the background stuff and make a rly nice track actually

Gasoline - bitch. you know what im gonna say but duncans on vocals, Tyler on guitar, Geoff on drums, Ezekiels on track

Better not wake the baby - Noah gets to sing a song that actually matches his style a tiny bit better lol, DJ on drums, Trent on guitar, and i feel like beth is the only one with any hope of figuring out the accordion keyboard thing thats in the background

This is Gospel - Gwen on piano and Trent on vocals. really the music video is the most important part for me bc i think a challenge where oyu have to sing a really intense emotional song while chris gets to dump shit down on your head from the ceiling of the stage. sounds perfect,

Wildest Dreams - codys on vocals bc god i am Obsessed with this cover being a bisexuality / coming out song . everybody thinks hes just regular simping and being his usual fuccboi self when he chooses this song till he gets to those Very Intentionally Unchanged Pronouns that he sings a little too enthusiastically hhhshHDSHHHSDH , also DJ on drums and Tyler on guitar

Happier - Bridgette solo ! 

Stay - Courtney on guitar and vocals, Dj and Harold are on the hand drum shit. once again i live for the ‘unlikely group actually works together and rocks it’ stuff. courtney as always has talent and enjoys what she does but harold and dj kind of steal the show with how in sync and energetic they are abt it lmfaodghd

[plusultrachaos]

Surprise prompt time! The first concept that comes into your head, no matter what. GO!

first concept? obviously it has to be kiri centric. this one focuses on hair and bonding. thank you sir for the prompt!

His focus the entire day is skewed, his attention on the darker strands of hair falling down over his face in place of where it would normally be red. He'd been meaning to touch up the red for weeks, but they hadn't really gotten much time as a class long enough for him to be able to bleach his hair and dye the red. So the roots had grown out and he was stuck with a half and half hair, opposite of Todoroki’s in every way. 

He decides during the last training of the day that he is going to do it that night. Find the perfect time to sequester himself into the bathroom and take the time to do his hair. A form of self care that he hasn't taken since the first day of school really. 

He walks back to the dorms with his group, elbowing Bakugou lightly with each joke. He catches Bakugou's stare thats directed at his hair and brushes a piece that had fallen out of the gelled spikes away from his face. 

"Fucking fix it, Shitty Hair. Black doesn't suit you."

Kirishima takes it as a huge compliment, blushing a bit before going back to teasing the blond.

He eventually finds time while a group is situated for dinner to sneak off to start bleaching his roots. He runs up to his room, taking the stairs by two. He opens his door and finds where he put the things he needs for his hair and gathers them all in his arms. 

When he heads back to the door, he runs right into Mina who looks almost shocked. "Are you doing your hair, Kiri?" He nods almost shyly. She goes to take some of the things from his arms. "I'm helping. Kami is going to be emotional support and Sero will be Sero." She sends a look at Sero, who waves at him. 

Kami gives a thumbs up once he catches Kirishima's gaze and he feels a sense of happiness swell through him. Nobody has really ever offered to be there much less help with the dying process. He savours this moment of joy while he looks at his friends. 

"Yeah. Okay." His smile relaxes his friends even more and they all head to the guys' bathroom. 

They set up at the sinks, laughing and joking around. It feels like home to Kirishima. Not that actually being home with his moms isn't home, but this is his home. 

He sits in a chair they pulled in from the lounge and helps Mina mix the bleach in with the developer. He laughs as all three of their noses crinkle as the smell starts to infiltrate the bathroom. Sero doesn't take anymore time to prop open the window.

Mina starts brushing on the bleach onto his roots and the black hair. He sighs and lets her work, his eyes shutting. He relaxes to the sound of Kaminari rambling about some new cosplay he is going to do soon. 

When she's done, he opens his eyes and looks at his friends again. The time that it takes for his hair to lighten is filled with jokes, Kaminari filming some TikToks, and Mina reminding him of Middle School Kirishima. It makes it feel like it takes no time at all whereas if he'd been doing it by himself, it would've felt like hours within minutes. 

Sero offers to help him rinse it out and they end up both getting soaked. 

"Dude, your hair is almost as light as Bakubro's! We should go show the class. How's your Bakubro Die Pose?" Kaminari suggests with a mischievous glint to his eyes. Kirishima smiles back just as mischievous and does his Bakugou yell and pose, causing hysterics among their group. 

They all head out to the lounge, Kirishima following behind them. Before he enters though, he pokes his head into the kitchen where he knows Bakugou is waiting for the oven. "Hey, dude. Just wanted to check in with you."

Bakugou turns his head and scoffs. "Not a blond either. Even though it's a shitty color, you should really stick with the red." Kirishima chuckles and nods.

"I'll keep that in mind, Bakubro. That doesn't answer my question though."

Bakugou hums for a moment before walking over to him. "I'm fine. You need to learn how to mind your business." 

"Is my maybe boyfriend’s business not also my business?" He knows the words he used takes Bakugou by surprise so he turns to leave the kitchen. "If you don't want to share, you don't have to share. I've got to go scare a bunch of extras anyway!" He yells in character as he runs out, leaving Bakugou in a small state of shock. 

He turns his small smile into an angry looking smirk before running into the lounge yelling, "SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU SHITTY EXTRAS!" 

— — — 

After a few moments of laughter, the group winds back up in the bathroom, his red hair dye being squirted into the dye bowl. He watches the dye be applied this time, transfixed with the way the dye works to color his hair. He watches as Mina gently applies the dye. 

At some point in the process, Kaminari looks down at his phone and leaves the room excitedly. Kirishima has a sneaking suspicion that it has something to do with a new class member of Class 1-A. Eventually, Sero leaves Mina to do Kirishima's hair alone. 

The bathroom is quiet as she works and Kirishima almost wishes it would stay that way until Mina starts gently humming a tune and he's reminded of how pretty her voice is. He joins in after a while and there is no pressure for him to be good like there was at the Culture Festival. There's just the fun and enjoyment of singing with one of his best friends. 

They keep singing random songs together until his hair is done, even through the time they have to wait. She helps him rinse, getting him soaked for a second time and when he turns to the mirror, he stares. The red somehow feels brighter, but he thinks it might just be the sheen of friendship that was ingrained into it.

"Oh my gods, Mina." He runs his hands through it a lot, turning to her and pulling her in for a hug. "Thank you, so much. It looks so good." He looks back at the mirror, running his hands almost reverently through it.

taglist (if you want to be added or removed, let me know!): @koifishkiss, @tired-taro, @hopelessly-faded, @demumbrigde, @12redsky34, @faelwenholdsthelight, @worst-bunny

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

[akvtsuki-ari]

A Study In Body Language: v. love is a virtue

Warnings: smut! unprotected sex, mild angst, but other than that mostly fluffy. 

Length: 6.5k

Authors Note: holy shit yall. we did it. 25000 words, 5 chapters and a whole lot of emotional turmoil, we fuckin did it. i will be writing an epilogue for this story but for now, here it is - a study in body language. hope yall have enjoyed this wild ride 

Plot Summary: Spencer realizes how deep he’s fallen, and reads something that changes his plans of confession. Love is beautiful, apparently. 

Link to the song mentioned: 1000 Times by Sara Bareilles 

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4

He overhears you in the bullpen. You’re not sad when you talk about it, and maybe he was a little too hopeful to hear you clearly but you sounded relieved. He hopes you’re relieved but he doesn’t know how to deal with that feeling. He doesn’t feel sorry for himself but he could drown in the relief when you say you broke up with Jay. A weight off of his shoulders, off of his consciousness. For a moment he wasn’t so damn restless. You were single but he doesn’t know what that changed. Everything felt different, shit everything was different. The world that he’d come to know was shattered underneath the weight of this feeling. 

“Why’d you two break up?,” JJ asks. She’s curious, but Spencers hanging on your voice for the answer. His whole body relaxes. You pause, maybe you’re shrugging. 

“I don’t know - I think we both realized that this wasn’t gonna be long-term but we’ll always be cool. He’s a really good guy, but we have different wants, I think,” you say casually. You don’t sound sad. 

“You don’t seem upset,” Prentiss comments. Spencers happy he’s not delusional. 

“I’m not. The whole thing was really mutual and I loved him but not as anything more than friends really and he feels the same so I’m okay,” You say casually. He doesn’t hear much else, so he walks away before you can turn the corner and see him. 

Rain beats on the windows when Spencer walks away. It’s been raining for days now, the darkness seemed to be encompassing but it was nice. Spencer liked rain, watching it when he needed to think and it seems like he was having to do that more often these days. Rain wasn’t somber to Spencer, as much as it was a sobering reminder. Rain made him think of you, but most things did so he isn’t sure if it’s any deeper than that. Everything made Spencer think of you. 

Spencer couldn’t stop himself from thinking of you. It was a crushing realization that you were in love with someone and that you would do anything to make them happy. It was always apart of him, he couldn’t catch a break without being reminded of how much he adored you. Things continued as normal but he was working hard to make sure of that. He didn’t want to lose you, or hurt you so he tried so hard to make sure things were okay, even if it killed him slowly. He wanted to call you his, because in his heart of hearts, he wanted you to think of him as yours. Spencer was overwhelmed every time he saw you because it was you. You were you and he’d give you everything if you asked for it. He would rob the stars in the sky for you, he would steal the sun for you to keep, he would do anything to make you happy. That realization was crushing and Spencer was unsure if you had any clue.

__

The work day passes normally. Everyone was ready to go home, though some of the team wanted to hang at O’Keefes for a drink but you and Spencer passed. They all gave each other knowing looks, that Spencer became aware of when he realized he liked you. You still seemed clueless, and that was a scary enough thought. Spencer just flushed as he sees everyone walk out to the elevator, leaving you and him alone for the night. 

“Any special plans, Spence?,” you ask Spencer, fiddling with the strap of your bag as you two waited for the next elevator to come. Spencer shakes his head, looking at your stance and smiling. The bag was too big for you, clearly too heavy on your shoulders but he knew you’d never get rid of it. It was a thing about you he’d picked up from before. 

“Not really, no. Might go home and watch some TV, though I don’t know what,” Spencer replies thoughtfully. You nod in understanding, letting out a huff of frustration as you let go of your bag problem. Spencer just chuckles as he stands in front of you, fixing up the buckle before the strap. You look up at him with a grateful grin, and he feels his heart pound. Love, love, love on his mind when he looks at you. He feels a bit sick, but he figures it’s a symptom that seems to swallo him. 

You wrap your arms around Spencer and lay your face in his chest.He wonders if you can hear how hard his heart is pounding but it doesn’t seem like you notice. You nuzzle into him, and it seems to be so subconscious for you. He wants to ask himself if this was friends did but he knew better - this was too complicated for such simple questions. He hugs you back, taking a breath and you pull away and look up at him. His eyes are a pretty green, spots of brown speckling them but they look hazel in the light. You’d see them sometimes when he woke up and they’d fall under the sunlight. You always liked them and maybe you look too long, so you pull away. Spencer wishes you didn’t but the moments gone before he can protest. 

The elevator dings. The doors both open as the two of you travel down together. Spencer wants to offer you some company but he can’t tell himself too when he knows his own intentions. 

____

Spencer was alone. It was the wordless night that seemed to eat at him, even though the clock had only barely scraped by to 11. Lately, Spencer doesn’t have trouble sleeping but it seems like that would change soon. Thoughts of you were cocoon his thoughts. He felt so stuck, because he wants to tell you how he feels - but the risk is too great. Too much of a burden to bear because he has no clue about how you feel. He assumes you don’t return those feelings but if you did -  he wasn’t sure if anything would change. That reality is far more crushing than not knowing at all. 

One thing Spencer did when he was thinking of you was read your letters to him. Those letters were more important for his sanity than he wanted to admit. You told him of everything, gave him daily reminders of why he needed to see the world again. Your return was more than waited on, but prayed for. A selfless act in self-preservation on your behalf, and a brave one on Spencers. 

The first letter dates a few weeks after Spencer was in rehab. You’re so different in writing, maybe more honest because you aren’t thinking so much. Spencer doesn’t know how to explain it but he likes the way you write. 

Dear Genius, 

Congrats on a whole 3 weeks!! I’m so proud of you, and I’m happy to hear you like group therapy. I loved your clown painting, by the way and I want it framed for my apartment ASAP - seriously I had no clue you were so good at art. I also want pictures of when you guys have group therapy with those service dogs because that is so cute!!! Excited for the next letter just for that. 

Updates on my life are pretty boring but you asked so I’ll deliver. My dad is doing okay right now. We’ve talked a lot and he’s sorta mulled over my chilhood and apologized about well… all of it. It was a bit much, to be honest but thats okay. I’ll get through it, especially when I have these letters to look forward too. I met someone sorta too, he’s from DC but he moved into my neighborhood. He’s nice, but who knows, you know? 

Also, you told me to keep sending you new music to listen too, but honestly I just wanna send you radio hits. You should listen to The-Weeknd, maybe Starboy? I mostly just wanna see how you feel about stuff people listen to on the car radio haha. I don’t know, but either way, hope you like the song. 

Anyways, I love you and I’m looking forward to our next correspondence. Good luck always, and keep yourself strong. 

Best Wishes,

Y/N 

Spencer smiles big. The kind of smile that reaches the lines in his eyes and makes his whole body relax. He replies with what you ask for, he remembers. He had a picture of him with an Australian Shepherd from therapy that you framed and put on your desk. He remembers how much you liked it, though he wasn’t sure why. He hadn’t sent you the clown painting yet because it seemed to slip his mind but he reminds himself to give it to you. He looks through more letters, reading the different one-sided exchanges. He reads your weekly updates about the community mural that you painted with all the kids while you were back home. He reads about the different volunteers, and how your childhood friend who you lost touch with had moved back and had a baby. Her name was Ellie, and you loved her. He comes across the letter where your dad passed away, only a month into your trip. 

Dear Spencer, 

Hey kid. I’m happy to hear about your progress!! I know it’s been tough because you’ve hit that middle slump but I know you. I know you’ll get through, it just takes time and you’re doing great keeping your head above water. I love you and I’m so proud of you, you’re gonna go far. 

I know I sound different here, it’s because my dad passed away last night. He passed quietly, stubborn bastard. I cried, more than I was expecting. He’s the last person of blood who would claim me as family and he just sorta disappeared. It’s just weird, how little i seem to feel. I was sad but it was weird, more emptying than anything but in a fucked up way I was relieved. I don’t know. I suppose it’s complicated

It made me think of you, in a weird way, I guess. You told me to send you music and I guess this is my indirect way of telling you stuff, but you should listen to 1000 times by Sarah Barielles. I don’t really know what to make of it but thanks for being a good friend and I’m grateful for what we have as friends always. You’re a good person, Spencer. 

Anyways, let me know if anything changes and good luck next week. I miss you, but I know we’ll see eachother again soon and things will be good. Keep sending me pictures of Dianes cat also because she’s so cute and I love her. Thanks for everything. 

Love always, 

Y/N 

 Spencer looks at the song you sent. He normally listens to every single one but that week he had already used up all of his computer time to read the articles from your local newspaper and he never got a chance too after that. He figures now was a good time, always having a piece of you when he got that music. Even if the song wasn’t his style, it made him think of you and for him that was most than enough. It was a blessing in a lot of ways to have a part of you that only he knew of. It was music anyone could listen to but the meaning was his alone. Spencer opens up his laptop and types in the song title. He presses play, awaiting whatever pop ballad you had waiting for him

Then the lyrics start to play and Spencer feels sick,” 

“Again again I let it go, let it go/ Cover my mouth don't let a single word slip/ Out wouldn't wanna tell you, no tell you, no/ Nothing could be worse than the risk of/ Losing what I don't have now,” 

Shit. 

Spencers heart drops to the bottom of his stomach. He feels like he’s going to die, and he doesn’t know how else to explain this feeling of detriment. You told Spencer you loved him a full month before he even realized how far deep he was and he just… didn’t acknowledge it. Spencer wanted to throw up, every visceral feeling of panic banging on the inside of his chest and threatens to crush his heart under the weight. Spencer could feel it in his throat, as he scrambles to find his phone your contact, dialing your number as he feels the drum of his heartbeat. His fingers shake as he hears you pick up on the other side.

“Hello?,” 

Your voice makes Spencer ache. Spencer breathes out, unable to speak for a few seconds. You look confused on the other side of the phone. 

“Spencer?,”

Your voice is all Spencer hears yet your words feel distant. His voice is abysmal and small when he speaks - the words trapped in the maze of thoughts, unable to be expressed correctly. Spencer coughs before he talks, trying to clear his airways even though nothing was really wrong. 

“Are you home and are you busy?,” Spencer asks, tears threatening to run down his face before his voice can give out 

“I’m home but I’m not busy, why? Is everything okay? ,” Panic is subtle in your voice, Spencer swallows thickly. 

“Yeah, yeah - I’m okay. Can I come over?,” Spencer asks, voice quiet. 

“Of course, Spencer. See you soon, and drive safe - the weather is still bad so you gotta be careful,” you say warmly. 

“Yeah, of course. See you soon,” Spencer replies. The line clicks and Spencer stares into his phone. He picks his care keys up and puts on a jacket, knowing he’d still get caught up in the rain. 

____

The rain is heavier than it was before. It was late, the clock reads 11:45  and Spencer can’t see much as water spills from the grey clouds that hung over his head. It was peaceful, almost. When you ignore the feeling of imminent panic and anxiety that washes over him, the rain is soothing to his ears as heavy as it. Spencer hands around the steering wheel are gripped tight enough to make the pads of his fingers white. His skin is hot, chest covered in a light sheen of sweat as he thinks of what's going to happen when he gets there - or moreso, if anything has happened. Spencer's thoughts are deafened by his own uncertainty - he owes it to you to tell you but if it’s too late for him he may never come back from that. He needed to tell you because you deserved to know but the thought of nothing happening hurts him. He’d rather you didn’t know but that’s not fair.

Spencer's thoughts of your ex-boyfriend pop up and he feels guilty. He’s tearing himself to pieces finding every reason in the world not to tell you, but he had to make the right choice because you were braver than he could ever be. He wants to show you he’s changed and that he won’t run from this. He refused to run from you. 

His hands shake when he knocks. His hair is wet and the water seems to soak through parts of his old jacket. He looked like a mess he was sure but it didn’t matter. Spencer was so anxious, he doesn’t remember the last time he ever felt this anxious. 

When you open the door with a smile - that’s when Spencer knows you were the love of his life. He just looked at you, looks at you with sunken eyes that flit over your face with a feeling you can’t explain. Spencer needed you, maybe more than you needed him. 

“Hey, Spencer,” You say warmly. Spencer walks inside and you close the door behind him. He looks at you for a second, taking his jacket off as he just looks to you in silence. He wants to spit the words out, he wants to say them so the two of you can get caught up together. Spencer wants to be yours, and for you to be his and then some. Spencer loves you. 

“What’s up?,” you ask quietly, seating yourself next to Spence whose found himself a spot on the couch. You grab his hands and play with his fingers for a few seconds, the touch is just so damn intimate. You loved Spencer, so much more than you could explain. You had that little anxious bubble in your chest about what could happen - that ‘maybe’ that brought you so many restless nights. You wondered if today was the day but before you go to dismiss the thought, you feel Spencers hands under your chin. He lifts your face up, eyes examining your face carefully. His scruff was nice, he looked different than before. 

Before you can ask, Spencer kisses you. It’s out of character, and in many ways out of place for him. He’s not the type to kiss anyone out of the blue but he doesn’t know else to break the tension with any language other than physical. It's the way his lips melt to yours, the way you kiss him back immediately, the way his lips have a way of holding yours. The way his hands hold your face up. It was everything that made you remember that Spencer was fucking kiss you. Kissing you like he was the reason he was breathing. Curled around your very existence, with his lips giving you their every secret. This kiss was an exchange in secrets, but more than an assurance. Spencer kisses you, and you kiss him back and the whole universe is still. 

When Spencer pulls away, you’re more than speechless. You look at Spencer, looking in his eyes for regret and you find none. Solace, maybe but no regret. You just look down, too scared to look at him again but he stops you, lifting your face up again. 

“Don’t hide from me please,” Spencer croaks “I need to look at you,” 

“Why?,” 

“To make sure you’re real,” Spencers confession makes your body heat up. 

“What’s gotten into you?,” you laugh nervously. You think Spencer will follow in suit, going back to being silly with you like normal but he doesn’t falter. He holds both of your hands and looks down, your eyes still fixated on him. Spencer sighs. 

“I read your letter, from when your dad died. I never had a chance to listen to that song, but I did. I normally did but that one somehow managed to miss me and..,” he trails off, like his thoughts are moving too fast for him to say what he wants to. You swallow thickly. So he knows, you figure. 

“It’s okay if you don’t, you know, return those feelings,” your voice chokes out. Spencer laughs. 

“You’d be a fool to think something like that,” Spencer says earnestly. You choke a little violently. 

“Oh?,” 

Spencer turns to look at you again. His eyes are full of something, and this time you know the feeling. You give it to him often, that look of adoration That “You’re so stupid, please marry me,” look you give to the person you want to love most in this life. 

“My whole life, I couldn’t afford to believe in anything related to destiny. I didn’t believe in miracles, or destiny, or a lot of other things for a long time. Sometimes I still don’t, like when cases go so bad that the whole team is left with that hollow feeling,” Spencer starts “I try my best to remember joy and happiness, and sometimes I do believe in miracles but it’s not everyday. Sometimes the pain was just too heavy,” 

“When I started taking dilaudid again, I was just trying to cope with the pain. My life can feel like a series of unfortunate events sometimes,” Spencer says softly. The grip he has on your hands tightens just a little bit. 

“I’ve been wanting to give you this confession for weeks, but like always you’ve proved to be more brave than I could ever be. Of course you figured it out first, who could be surprised but,” Spencer pauses for a second. 

“You’re the love of my life. Maybe it’s too much to say right now, maybe enough time hasn’t passed for me to decide that but if I said anything less I’d be lying to you, and I don’t want to lie to you ever again,” Spencers voice is barely above a whisper. 

“Y/N, you’re the only woman I could ever love this much. Those two months, those words that you gave me are what kept me sane. It was thoughts of your voice and your touch that kept me alive. It was your kindness that gave me strength, your love that gave me courage. It was you that reminded me of what it feels like to have hope, and perhaps even believe in miracles and destiny,” Spencers crying and so are you, but you still managed to hold eachother. 

“I’m wholly in love with you. I really don’t know how to say anything else. Please be mine because for now, loving you is all I really want to do,” Spencer says the last part with a small voice. The butterflies in your stomach make it hard for you to speak and you’re crying so much you have a headache. You want to kiss him, and say something back but for now you’re just crying a little bit. You’d clear all the grey clouds in the world to give Spencer some sunshine. 

“It’s always been you, dickhead,” you say through giggles. Spencer loves the sound of your laugh, if he could he would bottle up and keep it for himself to wear around his neck. Spencer wants to wear your name around your neck so the whole world knew he was yours and you were his. 

You can’t hold yourself back from moving into Spencer's lap, bare thighs over his legs as you lean into his neck. You adored Spencer and you knew that for so long, but you always figured he didn’t feel the same. That song was your confession, and when he didn’t listen you always figured he didn’t feel it. Miscommunication is a hell of a drug, you figure. You were here now, wrapped in Spencer and more than ready to give him all of you. You adored Spencer, the way his mind worked full of cogs and his heart was full of affection. It was everything Spencer did when he was getting better, giving you purpose. Spencer made you feel at ease, always. Even when bad things seemed to swallow you up, Spencer gave you ease. 

You look up at Spencer, there are small tears in your eyes when you do. You straddle his lap, and kiss him again. Holding your waist, Spencer smiles. He’s so grateful to be touching you like this. Spencer wants all of you to himself and he’d be damned if he was selfish for it. 

“Spencer,” your voice is small, but happy. Spencer hums, wrapped up in the way the two of you kiss for him to be upset. You look up at him, into him in the way only you can and speak again. 

“Make love to me,” your question is quiet. Spencer immediately became a little unsteady but he understood your request. That term “make love,” used to gross you out but you got it now. Sex and love are different - but sometimes you used sex to make love. To feel someone so close to you like that, you wanted to make love with Spencer. You wanted to have marks all over your skin so that the sight of him could be there forever, and for him to fuck you like you were the only thing he needed. Spencer wanted to make you feel wanted, and you wanted him to want you all the same. So, Spencer smiles, places a hand on boths sides of your face and kisses you slowly. Spencer loves you, adores you and wants to make you feel beautiful. 

“You wanna go to your room?,” Spencer asks. You nod, and Spencer lifts you up before carrying you. You’re wrapped around him, yelping at his surprising strength. 

Spencer lays you down, eyes glassy as he looks at your figure. He’s admiring you - he wants to make you feel pretty. You’re the prettiest woman in the world to him, and all he wants to do is make you feel it. He leans into you, his body pressed to yours as your legs are tangled. Spencer always cradles your face when he kisses you, as if he’s trying to hold you as close to him as possible. Spencer treats you like glass, his touch an ink stain leaving your body with permanent color as he kisses you. His tongue pushes past your lips softly, before pulling back. His fingers are so nimble, tugging with the sides of your shirt, staving himself off as he feels your bare thighs. 

His mouth moves to your neck, peppering kisses along the sides of the column of your throat. He grips your thighs, feeling your wrap your legs around his waist pulling him closer. Spencer tugs at the ends of your shirt, detaching from you so you can get it off. He chokes at the sight of you without your top on and you can’t help but hide your face. Spencer's face leans in, taking your nipple in his while he uses his free hand to gently brush against the other one. 

“You’re beautiful, you look so good like this,” Spencer comments. A soft whine escapes your lips at the combination of words and Spencers touch. He was sweet with every movement but damn he had way too many clothes on. 

“Spence, take it off,” you whine. Spencer gives you a small laugh, taking off his shirt before hovering over you again. His body was surprisingly toned from being out in the field and you definitely weren’t upset about seeing it. Your hands find their way around his waist, touching his skin in appreciation. He gives you a shy smile, before his head ducks down again, moving to kiss down past your breasts to your stomach and above your naval. His kisses are gentle, mouth careful in leaving them in as many places as possible. He stops when he ghosts his mouth over your panties, placing a kiss on your vulva - a wet spot formed on the light color. Spencer moves to kiss your thighs, getting close to your center and taking his time with it. Small hickies take place all along your skin, Spencer wanted to mark the word “mine,” into your skin with his mouth. He wanted you to think of him always, but especially when you were doing this. 

Your breaths are staggered and heavy, as Spencer rubs you down with his hands - palms massaging your legs as he touched you. For the first time in your life, when someone touched you could feel how much they meant it. Maybe it’s because Spencer manages to make things you’ve felt before feel different - he makes everything feel better. 

Spencer slides your panties down your legs carefully. His eyes are low when he sees your clit, sensitive and aching for his attention. He places a kiss on it first before he sticks his tongue out flat for you. Your fingers grip his hair immediately, legs wrapped around his shoulders where you could see him shift his weight to unzip his jeans and get himself off which only worked you up farther. Spencer eats you out like he’s been starved of you his whole life, head rhythmic as he brings you to your orgasm and slows down. He’s making an attempt to savor you but enjoys the sound of irritation you make every time he stops, something he’d explore farther at a later date. You’d gotten head before but it always came off as a favor and not like your partner wanted to do it for you. Spencer made sure you knew he wanted just as much as you did. 

You orgasm in Spencer mouth twice in borderline succession as Spencer refuses to pull away, smiling as he holds your hips down and makes your whole body shiver. You have to catch your breath when he finally spares you and gives you a toothy-boyish grin of satisfaction that you only ever saw when he beats you in a card game. You look down at him adoringly, wanting to cry at how lucky you felt. You pull him to kiss you and he looks at you for a second - a questioning one since he just had his tongue inside you. You roll your eyes in a “duh, that’s the point way,” and Spencer swallows thickly. 

“Do you want me to return the favor? Because I’m more than happy too,” you say reaching for his dick, which twitched at your touch. Spencer shakes his head. 

“Not right now, wanna focus on you tonight,” Spencer replies. You look at him with the most affectionate puppy dog eyes and Spencer bursts out into full giggles. God, he loved you. 

“Can I?,” Spencers question is tentative, and all you do in response is open your legs up wider for him and give him a nod. You mouth a “please,” to him and Spencer just smiles, kissing you softly. 

Spencer stretches you out so fucking good. He’s careful, whispering pretty nothings about how beautiful you are and how lucky he was. The words were only fuel to the fire as you tighten around Spencer and some choked sound leaves his throat. Out of curiosity, you do it again and Spencer moans aloud. You give him a raised eyebrow and his voice is suddenly low. 

“Do that again and I’ll cum,” Spencer warns. You giggled for a second before looking up at Spencer's face. 

“You can cum in me if you’d like to,” you say, voice innocent  “I’m on the pill,” Spencer wants to cum right then and there but he pauses to take a deep breath. 

“Think I’ll have to take you up on that,” Spencer groans. You use one hand to rub your clit as Spencer pulls his hips back and starts to fuck you. The motion is slow at first, not wanting to hurt you but your voice in his ear only urges you to go deeper. 

“I’m so lucky to have you like this love, you’re so pretty for me,” Spencer's praises are so sweet to you. Sugar to aching ears when he speaks lovely words for you. You whine. 

“Spencer please cum in me - god, please,” you egg Spencer on as you get yourself off one last time. Spencer presses his forehead to yours, pausing for a second to kiss you sweetly before pounding into you again. 

“Shit,” Spencer's voice feels like it gets stolen from him as he finishes inside, feeling your orgasm aftermath convulse around him pushes him off the edge as you look at him warmly, a soft blush flooding your expression. 

“I love you so much,” you giggle to him, wrapping your arms around his neck and allowing him to rest his body weight on you. Spencer wants to stay with you like this forever, wanting to wrap you up in his arms and hold you for eternity. He was hoping you’d let him. 

“I wanna stay like this, but let’s go get cleaned up first,” you say thoughtfully “I can wash your hair for you and we can shower together,” you say softly. Tears well up in Spencers eyes - remember the last time you did just that for him. He nods softly, burying his face in your neck, kissing new bruises that were soon to become dark purples. 

____

You come out of the shower first as you hear a knock on your door. It’s been a few minutes and the knocking has been incessant, you figure it’s a neighbor or maybe someone who needed help. You wrap your robe around yourself and towel around your hair before you open up the door. 

To your fucking dismay, it’s JJ, Emily, and Penelope - all stood outside with a bottle of wine as a greeting. Your eyes pop open immediately as you try to brush away the panic and give them all a fake smile. 

“Hey guys! What are you all doing here so late?,” you ask, internal panic threatening your life. They all give you a knowing look. 

“Well, we wanted to talk to you about something and we figure -,” Garcia starts but is interrupted by the sound of Spencer's voice, calling out to you as he walks out of the shower and in view of the open door. He can’t see them, but they can see him and he’s covered in hickies. You shut your eyes in disbelief as they all go dead silent. 

“Oh - oh my god is that Spencer?,” JJ asks shocked. You’re going to throw yourself in front of a bus. 

“Shit,” Spencer bolts into the other room leaving you to deal with the mess. You were so gonna get him for that later. You give them all an apologetic look. 

“We, uh - yeah,” you say a little distant. They all just giving you a knowing look, even Garcia even though that’s mixed with a bit of disgust. 

“We’ll see you on Monday, Y/N,” Emily says, being an angel and cutting the conversation short. You just nod as she drags a blabbering Garcia and deadsilent JJ away, reminding yourself to send her a thank you note later on. You walk into the room with Spencer and he gives you a guilty look, eyes apologetic as you roll your eyes, walking up to him to kiss him. 

“You’re so goddamn lucky I like you, dickhead,”

“You like me?,” Spencer asks, wrapping his arms around your waist before falling over to lay down with you. 

“Oh shut up, you know I do,” your tone is mean but your face gives you away. Spencer kisses you long and slow before looking at you again. The room is barred with loving silence, it feels every part of the air. It’s domestic, soft and adoring. A person whose love made you feel child-like joy but whose being brought your soul such comfort. You and Spencer lay in your bedroom like that for a while. 

“We should change right?” you ask laughing. Spencer nods. 

“I have clothes for you in my dresser,” you remind. Spencer nods as he stands up, slipping on some boxers and a shirt. You change into some old college pj’s and shorts and get laid up next to Spencer. 

There’s this silence that fills the room. It’s difficult to describe, the feeling of it is so new and hard to pinpoint exactly. You can feel it just barely on your skin, the way Spencer's arms hold your waist as the two of you lay next to each other, closing the gaps of space that fall between you - just itching for that familiar feeling of closeness. Spencer Reid was the closest thing to heaven you ever got - scruffy face and curious eyes. It’s hard to find truth in another person, yet stil Spencer shows up for you and kisses away all your nightmares. Loving him was so certain, but the fact that he loved you too felt unreal, still. Maybe it always would. It was a lot for you to take in but the feeling of him at your side, face on your chest sleepily messing with your hands. The way he looks up at you with such a pretty expression, mouthing the words I love you. It was the silence in the room and the cadence it managed - the soft and lulling adoration buzzing the nerves on your skin and kissing you awake. This was more than love, but faith. A regained faith in the notion that good things really can happen to good people. Spencer's love to you was a promise from the universe that good things are always around you even if you don’t see it at first. 

Spencer is so relaxed against you now, you read his body language and can feel his exhaustion. You were so attuned to him, fingers aching  to run through his hair and tell him how proud you were. Spencer made your heart light - his beaming smile turning you flush. Beautiful - him, this, the universe. Loving Spencer made the world feel so beautiful, even though both of you encountered such darkness in it. You were going to marry him someday, you were so sure of it. Someday you and Spencer would grow old and live with some livestock in a cottage somewhere far from here like he wanted. Or maybe a house in the suburbs with two babies you call your own - and a cat, and a dog too. Anything would work for you, but Spencer is probably a bit more picky. 

For you and Dr. Spencer Reid, love has always been a case study in body language. People lie, or hide the truth when they talk - so the two of you have never fallen in love with the words you may exchange. Instead you’ve fallen in love with the gentle touches, the longing glances and lingering hugs - or the feeling of their skin on yours when the night is too cold to be alone. It was the dilating pupils, and the feelings that universe seemed to fall away when the two of you shared looks to each other. You fell for Spencers subconscious before you ever fell for his mind or his body - the little things he did like raising his shoulders when he was happy, or fiddling with your hands when he was deep in thought, you fell in love with the things Spencer would never see for himself and he did the same for you. Spencer fell for the way you moved without thinking. For the person you were when all the curtains were closed. 

Love is anything but conscious. Love is deep-rooted in the sheer notion of that being alive is worth something, which is to say love is the basis of life. Not romantic love - but all love. Love is the basis of life. Spencer Reid loved you, sharing a piece of his life. In returns you gave him yours. An eye for an eye can give us sight we could never have before, if the exchange is born of adoration. 

There are still so many unresolved knots to tie, but for now it didn’t matter. Just like those first two months, Spencer is laying at your side and he smells like you. For now, he was here with you - as the two of you fell so deeply for each other as the seconds passed. There are so many questions to answer, but that’s okay for now. 

You two had all the time in the world to figure the rest out, and for him - thats more than enough. 

This silence was more than enough.

____

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[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 43

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34|| CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his -4.5k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

READ AM CONVERSATIONS AGAIN ON WATTPAD HERE

- notes: wow, it took a while didnt it? i have a hard time writing this story for a few specific reasons and thats why it takes me longer. i also need to plan the ending of this and its not easy because im scared to forget something. but i hope you enjoy this chapter! thanks so much for still reading this story!!!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : its late and i hope i dont forget any! i didnt add everything from the 2nd request in my chapter tho. i also promise more requests in the next chapter! its all planned so thank you!

TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTERS HERE

Chapter 43 : His chapter

NIALL

June 25th, 2018

"Okay, move slightly on the right." I heard her, doing what she told me cautiously. "Now watch out, there's a step."

"Big or small?"

"Uhm, medium" she replied after thinking about it.

"Gee Liv, thanks!" I replied sarcastically before I carefully tried to put my foot on the step.

She guided me with difficulty until the car and I packed her last few boxes in the trunk. We sat in the car and I started it, feeling her gaze on me but I tried to ignore it until I felt her hand on my thigh. I suddenly relaxed and my eyes met hers for half a second before going back on the road.

"You should have let me help you." she pointed out with a soft voice. "I can carry more than one box, you know."

The left corner of my lips raised gently and I glanced at her again before stopping at a red light and turning my head completely her way. Her eyebrows raised and I sent her a small smile, shaking my head.

"I want you to let me take care of you." I admitted, bending closer to press my lips gently against hers in a quick kiss. "Besides, an old lady like you shouldn't carry heavy things."

With a chuckle, she slapped my arm gently as I started laughing and started driving again. It was already mid june and we had been working on her moving in with me for about a week. Most things were actually bought by Louis so all the furniture stayed there but it took us a while to pack all her stuff and bring the boxes to my house. I mean, our house.

"I'm only two years older than you!" she argued, making me laugh even more. "Do I have to call you 'kiddo'?"

"Please, I'm a man." I let out with a frown, half-joking. "You know it, you've seen me naked."

"Oh how my life has changed since then." she replied wih a chuckle, making me smile too.

We brought her stuff to our room and started unpacking together after I put music on. It invaded the house so loudly that the neighbours probably heard since we had opened the windows. It was a warm saturday afternoon and I still had a little bit more than a week off. I knew we were going to miss each other since I was about to leave for three months (even if i was going to be back here at some point in august for a few concerts) but we didn't talk about it much, as if it would make things worst.

I kept glancing at her from time to time as I was putting her stuff in my closet and my lips curled when I noticed she was dancing while putting her clothes in her dresser. It was nothing new. She had always been like that but somehow, at this exact moment, it made me realize how perfect this moment was. Loud music, finally sharing a house with the woman I loved, watching my girlfriend dance and sing happily close to me with a promise ring hidden in my underwear drawer. That whole scenario happening right in front of me felt like the accomplishment of something very very important and even if I couldn't define exactly what, I tried to remember this in my brain like the movie of a memory I wanted to watch over and over again until i'd be on my death bed. The smallest details seemed important and when she moved a lock of hair that had stuck on her lips behind her ear, I held my breath. Could I write a song about this?

She turned around and our eyes met and suddenly, her lips curled into a fond smile. I loved when she looked at me like that. I was used to it, because she's looked at me like that for as long as I could remember, but it's only now, the second time we're dating, that I realized what it meant and how important it was.

"Are you gonna help me or are you just going to stare at me while I do all the work?"

I chuckled and rolled my eyes before shaking my head and grabbing an other box. It was heavy and when I opened it, I saw a bunch of books, the first one on the top being the one she was reading at the moment. I knew because sometimes we'd just sit together in the living room in silence. She'd read and sometimes i would too, or id end up writing, or playing guitar. Just being in the same room was enough sometimes and I liked it. I grabbed the book and turned it around to read the summary but something else caught my attention and I frowned. Something was sticking out of the book and I pulled on it slightly only to see my face and hers on a few pictures. It came from the photobooth and if my memory served me right, it was from the first time we dated. I pulled on it more to see all the pictures and finally just opened the book so she wouldn't lose her page and let my eyes roam on the older pictures of us. I remembered how I felt, but I was well aware it was not comparable to the feelings I had now.

"Can't believe you kept this."

My eyes didn't move from the pictures but I felt her stop moving and finally get closer to me. I sat on my bed and I felt her sit next to me in silence until I finally looked up in her eyes.

"You have no idea of all the things I kept." she admitted and I could swear her cheeks turned a soft shade of pink. "I kept a lot of souvenirs of you, Niall."

My smile curled a bit and she chuckled. "Really?"

"Oh don't look at me like that, it's not like I built a shrine for you or anything." she just rolled her eyes. "But your friendship and your love... yea, it's important for me."

I ran my thumb gently on the pictures for a few more minutes and finally put them back in the book before closing it. I stared at it until Liv grabbed my hand and I squeezed her fingers, looking up at her and sending her a smile.

"You know we need to christen the rooms." This time, she let out a loud laughter and it made my lips curl. "It's true!"

"It only applies to new places, Niall!" she laughed more. "We've already had sex pretty much in all the rooms of this house, and that says a lot!"

"Are you sure?" I asked, raising my eyebrows before she nodded. "All the bathrooms? Bedrooms?" She nodded again and I raised my nose up with a low groan, making her laugh again. "There must be somewhere we didn't fuck!"

"On the dryer."

"What?" I frowned.

"We never fucked on your dryer." she repeated with an amused smile, her head tilted. "We fucked in the showers, kitchen's table, kitchen's counter, on the couch, on the floor of the living room, in all the beds, on all the bedroom floors, in the music room and against that piano.. One time you even grabbed me when I got out of the shower to fuck me against the wall in the hall."

The left corner of my lips curled as the memory came back to my head and I raised my eyebrows. "Oh yea, I remember."

"But I don't remember fucking on the dryer."

My eyes roamed on her and I licked my lips. "We can do that now."

"Join me in 5 minutes?"

I raised my eyebrows in surprise when she suddenly got up and left. My fingers gripped the book in my hands tighter and I finally put it on the bed before turning my eyes to the alarm clock on the bedside table. It was the longest 5 minutes of my life and if I wanted to be honest, I only waited 3 and a half anyway.

I heard the dryer's noise and frowned a bit when I realized she had started it and when I got there, she was sitting on it and I noticed the matching black and silk panties and bra she was wearing. Her legs were hanging down the dryer and she was holding herself with her hands slightly behind her body, her dark hair falling near her back, and I stopped as soon as our eyes met.

"When did you put this on?"

"I wore them all day." she admitted with a smirk before chuckling when my face changed. "I mean, I wanted to show you but we were sort of busy."

I took a few steps closer slowly and put my palms on her thighs, sliding my hands up very slowly on her soft skin.

"Spread your legs, petal." I whispered as she bit her bottom lip but did as I asked.

"I wasn't sure if it actually looked good on me." she admitted low and I shook my head quickly.

"Oh shut up, darling, this makes me so fucking hard." To prove my point, I turned my hips a bit and pressed my hard cock through my pants against her naked thigh. "See?"

I ran my hands up to her breasts, touching them before slipping one of my hands under it to run the tip of two of my fingers on her nipple. "I'm so torn right now. I want to rip it off of you, but watching them on you is so fucking hot."

"Just move my panties aside and fuck me."

Her eyes seemed to sparkle but her expression was needy and I just licked my lips, bringing my hands down to my jeans and unzipping them as I kept staring at her.

"Such a needy little slut." I let out in a low tone. "Tell me how bad you want my cock. Beg me."

Her eyes never leaving mine, she brought her feet on the dryer, exposing her panties even more to me and slowly, I took my cock out and started stroking it. I could feel the dryer getting warmer and the way she seemed to shake over it made me want her even more.

"Fuck, Niall, I want you so bad. I need you deep inside me." she whimpered and licked her lips. "Please, Niall, I need your cock, please i'm begging you, fuck me."

I jerked off harder, making sure the tip of my dick rubbed against her pussy over her panties, and she whimpered and bit her bottom lip harder.

"Move your panties, pet. Show me your pretty little cunt."

She did as I asked and my eyes dropped between her legs as I moved even closer, close enough for the tip of my cock to push inside her. I groaned low and she let out a short whimper as I felt her throb around me.

"Deeper." she breathed out. "Fill me."

Quickly, I pushed myself inside her until I was balls deep and she let out a moan, her head falling back slightly and her eyes fluttering.

"Like this petal? How does my cock feel?"

She squirmed slightly and with difficulty but I watched her shake glancing a few times down to watch her grind despite herself on my dick. The feeling was amazing and I groaned louder when I felt her clench around me.

"So good, so fucking good." she whimpered again.

"You're so fucking wet and horny I just want to watch you fuck yourself on my cock until you cum all over it, baby girl." I let out without thinking. "How about you do that?"

I moved as close as I could and she ground on me for a few minutes. I loved the way she moved, all her facial expressions and the way her moans sounded but after a while, I couldn't take it anymore and grabbed her waist, my fingers sinking in her skin as I pulled her against me in motion with my thrusts.

"Fuck, i'm gonna cum." I just said still going hard.

I didn't know if it was because of my words or if she had been holding it for a while but she started shaking even harder against me as she came, my name escaping her lips in incredible moans and bringing me to my own orgasm. I shut my eyes tight, pushing myself so hard against her to make sure I went as deep as I could, and when I got down from my high, I leaned my forehead against hers, eyes still closed, as we both panted with parted lips.

"This is so much better." I whispered, moving a bit to reach her lips with mine.

"Better than what?" she asked in a breath as I kissed her gently again.

"Better than anything. Better than anyone." I confessed. "Better than sex without feelings."

It took her about a minute to talk but her words made me open my eyes suddenly.

"Are you in love with me, Niall?"

I pulled away to look in her eyes and frowned for a few seconds before shaking my head. I knew she was probably asking me simply because she wanted to hear it but I couldn't help but fear that she doubted it.

"Yes. I am in love with you, Olivia." I affirmed. "It will never change. I'll always be in love with you, for as long as I live, and maybe even after."

                                                        ---

June 29th, 2018

I was a bit sad she had insisted on inviting Louis and Eleanor on her birthday but I went along with it because it was her day and I loved her. She also had asked for nothing big, just a movie and games night with our friends, and somehow, I was down with that. Normally, I'd want to celebrate in a bar with many more friends but we were about to be separated for a while and I was not in the mood to celebrate that. I was just grateful I could spend her birth day with her.

"Okay, Liv, you sit next to me. Your boyfriend can sit next to El." I heard Louis say as I walked back in the living room with two bowls of popcorn.

"Excuse me? I pretty much intend on watching this movie cuddling my girlfriend, thank you very much!" I argued with a frown as I stood in the middle of the living room.

"If we do that we'll just spend an hour and a half making out!" Louis explained with round eyes. "At least you two will! You're both horny animals!"

"It's not like we were gonna fuck in front of you." I pointed out, rolling my eyes before sitting next to Eleanor who just laughed.

"Don't be a jealous boyfriend, Niall. Liv was my roommate before being your girlfriend again and I'm very sad that I can't wake her up by literally jumping in her bed at 6 in the morning anymore!" he joked with a chuckle before turning to my girlfriend. "Bet you miss it too!"

"6 in the morning?" I repeated with a frown again. "You never wake up so early."

"He did when he had meetings for his album." Olivia pointed out. "As you already know, 'pain in the ass' is in his DNA."

I laughed and she did too but the way she looked at me made me smile. Louis placed his arm on the back of the couch, near her shoulders, and I groaned low at sight. It's not that I wanted to read too much into this, but it was bothering me a lot and it was tough to hide. I was not the type to be jealous and I knew Olivia loved me, but every time I saw them near each other, I couldn't help but remember that they fucked multiple times and that nothing could ever erase that.

What took me out of my thoughts was something hitting my nose and the sweet laughter of my girlfriend. I shook my head slightly and sent her a smile as she sent me more popcorn and I grabbed some from my own bowl before throwing it at her, too. She laughed louder and we kept on throwing popcorn at each other until Louis groaned and stopped the movie. It was crazy how easily Louis could make himself home. He was using my remote for my tv, was sitting on my favorite spot on the couch, cuddling with my girlfriend.

"Fine! Fine I get it!" Louis gave in, raising his hand up in defeat. "You guys can't stay too far away from each other for too long. It's sad but it is what it is!"

He practically jumped off the couch and walked up to me. After a quick head movement, I sent him a smile and got up to. I let myself fall next to Liv and immediately, she cuddled my side like a magnet, making me smile more. I had no idea why I was insecure when it came to Louis, but she proved over and over again that I had no reason to be. I wrapped my arm around her to pull her closer and we finished the movie before grabbing a few beers and talking. It was almost 3 in the morning when Louis and El left and I watched as Liv got up, yawned and stretched.

"I'm so tired, let's go to bed, yea?"

"We really should clean first." I pointed out, grabbing a few bottles.

I was about to bring them to the kitchen but she stopped me with a grimace and a groan. "Niall, we need to sleep. Come onnnn, we can do that tomorrow."

I stared at her and sighed, not really sure I liked the idea but I finally nodded and followed her to the room as she held my hand and pulled me with her. We fell asleep quickly but she did before me and for some reason, I enjoyed watching her snore lightly, her lips parted, as I held her close to me. These days, we fell asleep holding each other face to face and it was very different from our usual spooning. Still, I liked it but when I woke up, she was on the other side of the bed, her legs were over mine, and I smiled at how much she had moved.

I got up, put sweatpants on and made coffee before drinking a cup as I looked at the mess in the living room and the kitchen. She joined me about half an hour later, entering the kitchen as she yawned. It made me chuckle but I liked the mess of her hair and her lazy smile. I wanted that every single morning of my life.

"Slept well?"

"Yes but not enough." she just shrugged with an other yawn.

I poured her coffee in her favorite mug and we both drank in silence, leaned against the counter. After I was done, I put my cup in the sink and without turning back to look at her, I sighed.

"We need to clean now."

"Mm, I just woke up. We can do that later in the afternoon." she just shrugged.

"Liv, we need to clean now. That's what happens when we postpone these kind of things. It'll never be fun but doing it now means we can do something else after."

She stared at me a few seconds and sighed, letting her head fall back on her shoulders. I didn't want to argue with her, and I knew how messy she was, but she also knew I was the opposite and that leaving everything as is the night before had been annoying to me.

"Well I don't want to do it now."

I didn't expect that answer and took a step back as my eyebrows raised.

"Why are you being like that?"

"Why are you being like that?" she repeated. "This can wait! I can't believe we're arguing over that!"

"Olivia, please! We left this mess last night and we need to clean!"

"You knew how i was before I started living here, it's nothing new!" she let out a bit roughly.

"And you know how I was too!" I argued before she brought her hands to her face and sighed. "You need to make efforts, okay? I am!"

My voice was a bit too loud and I knew it but I was getting pissed. I couldn't believe we were arguing over something like that. After all we had been through, I didn't want to accept that something so silly could be what would end us.

"I just... I need a shower."

I left without waiting for her answer and stayed a bit too long under the hot stream but when I got out of the bathroom with clean clothes, my lips curled at the sight. She had cleaned a good part of the living room and was now working on filling the dishwasher. I walked up to her and wrapped my arms around her waist from behind, leaning my chin on her shoulder.

"Thank you." I whispered, leaving a few kisses on her neck and she finally turned in my arms to look in my eyes.

"I'm sorry."she sighed and licked her lips. "I'll make efforts, I promise."

We finished cleaning and ended up sitting at the table with an other cup of coffee and eggs. The problem was, I couldn't stop thinking that I was leaving in a few days and it bothered me. I wanted us to discuss it but at the same time, I was not sure she wanted to talk about it. I knew that she thought mentioning things out loud made them more real or concrete but ignoring them and pretending the problems weren't there wouldn't make them disappear.

"It's gonna be tough, you know. We'll be away from each other for quite a while."

It took her a few seconds to answer as she seemed focused on her coffee but after a while, she breathed in and sighed.

"I know it won't be easy, Niall, but I also know that it will never be as hard as it was without you for a whole year. So yea, I think we can get through this and come out stronger." she said in a calm way before looking up in my eyes. "I hate being away from you but that won't change my love for you, not even just a little."

I reached for her hand on the table and squeezed her fingers before sending her a small smile. "It won't change mine either. And you're right, that year without you was the worse I've ever been through."

"It's... different." she told cautiously, looking up at me and noticing my questioning look. "You spent that year without me because you decided it, it was your choice. You did it for a reason and you wanted to be alone to live things you clearly thought you couldn't live with me. But me... I suffered through it. You broke up with me, broke my heart... I lost my best friend and the love of my life at the same time, you know? We didn't live that year the same way."

I felt my heart thump hard in my chest and I just nodded very slightly, as we stared at each other.

"You know, Niall... you left me with nothing." she said and I could swear I heard her voice crack. "I tried to find someone else, to find what I was missing from someone else, but I never really found it because what I was missing was you." Once again, she breathed in and sighed. "I know it's not easy but maybe you should try to put yourself in my shoes and... try to understand how I feel, you know? How I felt all those months."

I remembered that she told me it was tough for her but I never really understood how hard it had been until I found out she had literally tried to kill herself. Still, I felt like I couldn't really know the feeling and never would be able to. I remained silent as her words kept running in my head and finally held my breath. I couldn't believe I was thinking about writing a song in such a deep moment but I was and I just shook my head.

"You're right, Liv." I admitted, reaching for her other hand and squeezing both of them tight. "I'll try to understand how you felt in that year we were apart, after I broke you. It's hard to imagine but, I know I've hurt you more than I ever hurt anyone else, and I'll listen to everything you have to say about it."

She sent me a fond smile and nodded. "I can't really put it in the past." she added low. "Not because I don't want to, but because I feel like it's part of our story. I thought I knew who you were, I thought you'd never leave. I mean, we've known each other for decades... I thought you would never break my heart. But it was hard to accept, you know? That I didn't know you as well as I thought I did. I felt like... you ripped my heart out. Like you stole something from me that I could never get back without really knowing what it was. And I wanted it back. The worst was.. I still wanted to be with you. If you had came back I would have said yes in a heartbeat. I was always thinking of you, no matter who I was with, and yes, it includes Louis."

I stared at her, blinking a few times but still remained silent. I didn't want to let go of her hands and I also didn't want to talk. I thought it was just time to listen.

"I just... I went in bars and clubs to change my mind, I tried to date other people, I tried to drink my pain away... I just wanted to get over you and nothing worked, because I had nothing left." She paused again and shrugged. "I learned that making you the center of my life was not a good idea but it was something I was used to, I did it since I was a kid. Now I don't want to do things for you, Niall. I want to do things for us, and I want you to do the same. It's a team work. I mean, it's us against the world, right? That's what we said?"

I sent her a bigger smile and nodded. "It is. You and me."