#anyways not interested generally. but. having to explain that you don't know whether or attraction to men is compulsatory or genuine -

[wannaliveattheholidayinn]

just had to explain to a guy who i'm pretty sure was hitting on me, that i don't know my own sexuality anymore

[riizebabie444]

𝙨𝙚𝙭𝙞𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙤 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬𝙞𝙣𝙜 ♥️

hey all, sorry for not posting for so long, here is one of the requested pac's. this reading is about the attractive and sexy things about you that you don't realise. there are two parts, general and from your person's pov. hope you enjoy!

picking your pile: take a deep breath and allow your soul to centre itself. when you feel your mind balanced and cleared, allow yourself to be drawn to an image.

be sure to check out my other readings and don’t forget to share and give feedback. disclaimer: all readings done are for entertainment or guidance only. please do not use my tarot readings as a replacement for legitimate advice.

♥️ ─── masterlist. paid readings. exchange rules.

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pile one

in general, the sexy things you do without knowing are represented by eight of pentacles, eight of wands rv and death. with two eights here, i'm seeing your body type could be a major cause of your sexiness. it could be your chest or your booty, maybe you have curves or an obvious hourglass or pear figure. there are definitely parts of your body that people notice and find sexy. it could also be your eyes too, your eyes are sensual without you realising.

i think you have an air of mystery around you, you are private and don't like to show everything to the world in the way some other people do. it could be your body, your style, your business, even your plans for the weekend. but this privacy you have for yourself makes you seem like an enigma to others. people find the mystery sexy because then you leave it up to them to think what you are really like. mystery is just sexy anyway, so it doesn't need a lot of explaining.

furthermore, i see you being labelled as "hard to get" some may joke about you playing hard to get. maybe you're not even playing, you're just plainly not interested but others will still thank that way, that you are not easy. maybe you do it on purpose, maybe you don't i get i a mix here. but overall, others think it is hard work to get close to you whether romantically, sexually or platonically. you intimidate others with your no bullshit attitude and they find that attractive. what is rare is sought after. so many people will think you are "sexier" because there is a limited number of people you will allow your time and energy towards.

for your person, what they find sexy about you is your brightness and optimism. it is weird to describe traits like that in a "sexy" way however, i do see this. the person you are thinking of finds it so attractive how bright you are, how so many people look towards you when you don't realise. like you're nonchalant or unbothered by the attention. your confidence is also so sexy, your bravery in standing for what you believe and finding success chasing your dreams. you don't let things stand in your way.

this person really loves your back, they find it so sexy. i think you may actually be insecure about your back or just think it is not sexy, but trust me your person loves your back so much. they love your arms. they love when you are topless. they love when you wear dresses and skirts. they love when you love down at them, they get really turned on. i also think if you wear cute, coquette frilly and lace style of clothes/details on your clothes, they find it sexy. like cute lingerie or clothes in general. even floral, they find it so hot even though it's just your style preference. if not, then they want you to wear more of it because it is so sexy to them.

pile two

i think sometimes the clothes you wear and the way you hold yourself is sexy to others. it might be normal to you, you just wear what you want to wear. but some people might find it a little sexy even if you don't intend it that way. and the way you carry yourself, i see a lot of confidence here. good posture, the way you sit, particularly the way you lean down is very sexy. like say you dropped something and bent down to get it, it is quite sexy if someone saw it they wouldn't be able to stop thinking about the image. i'm seeing bending down and your hair falling or moving in that direction, like something out of a movie. but then when you fix your hair after standing back up, that is also sexy.

i think your hands are also sexy which you might not realise. people might like seeing you hold something because there is something about the way you hold things, your hands and fingers look so graceful and sexy. i see you might also be a bit clumsy, i'm seeing stars in your eyes or little stars spinning around your head. you could be a clumsy person, doing or saying silly things. in a way, this is sexy to others because they see you as a cute little, bright eyed, starry eyed thing. i get a hint of corruption here, people find it so sexy because you seem innocent and sweet but they're having different thoughts.

i see others may think you'd make a good mother or parent in general. you are seen as wife material. not the type to have a casual fling with. someone to settle down with. this is sexy because they think of having a family, how you would be as a mother. because of this, you might attract people who have breeding kinks. this message is random but yeah, the people who think you'd make a good wife and mother (or father/parent) would find you sexy because they want to breed you.

for your person, who you are thinking of, they will love your shoulders and collarbone. like i'm seeing someone kissing their a lot. they would love when you wear strapless tops or dresses. they also find it sexy when you wear gloves. the way you style your hair is sexy. again, i see when you hold things in your hand, with your person you might be holding something more particular if you get my drift, they find it sexy.

this is an odd one to look out for but i'm seeing that they find it sexy when you are emotional and crying. definitely be careful for people who are just trying to manipulate you, but i'm seeing this in a way that they like when you cry during sexy times or when you have emotional sex. for this person, emotions are a big turn on so sometimes even when you're being genuine with emotions, they can get excited by it because it is somehow sexy to them.

pile three

hey pile three. the sexy things you do without realising are represented by the hermit, justice and two of cups rv. with the hermit, i see that you have a sort of lone wolf vibe. you may have lots of friends or maybe not a lot but either way you look confident even when you are by yourself. people look at you and see that you don't need to be surrounded by people to feel confident. they think you are confident without people. you don't need anyone else to fill your inner life because you make it rich enough already. i think you also take things at your own pace, you don't conform to things easily. i'm seeing a scenario where most people are easily influenced by things they see in the internet on tiktok, but you are not so influenced. you won't follow trends for the sake of following trends but rather you'll follow things if they suit you. so people would think it is attractive because in an age where everyone thinks the same because we all consume the same, you stand out and can think for yourself. a lone wolf and smart is how i'm seeing you and it is attractive to others.

with justice, it is similar to what i previously said, you are strong in your beliefs and the things you follow. you don't believe things just because others believe it. you have your convictions. you are truthful and upright in your own regard. you judge others fairly. i think some may think you are a bit stuck up in this sense, because you stand out from fitting in with others. but i see that some still find this sexy, even those who don't like it. like, i see them thinking "i wish i was like pile three" or "i want to be with someone like pile three" but at the same time they will say "pile three is judgemental and stuck up". but still people find this attractive. there is nothing sexier than a person who knows themselves and believes themselves.

lastly, the things you don't realise are sexy, i see you personal style. i think when you wear formal attire or you dress up for an occasion, people love it! they find it so surprising and sexy for some reason. dressed smart but flashy. also, wearing high contrast colours or outfits with contrasting components makes you look sexy. in terms of your style, when you pair two colours together, it looks really good and others will think positively of your style. honestly i think again the way you are out of sync with others makes you unknowingly sexy. it's giving hot aquarius vibes, don't conform to society, doesn't think like everyone else. i also see that your shoulders and even collarbone, as well as your forearms are the physical parts fo you that people would find sexy.

for your person, what they find sexy is represented by three of wands, queen of swords rv and the artist. the way you are in control of your life and your future makes others feel proud but also scared of you, if that makes sense. and it makes them more attracted to you. for example, they would think you can sustain yourself without them and it scares them because they don't want to be without you but at the same time your power and confidence is sexy. also, your passions to travel and learn continuously comes up.

okay i'm seeing that you may have a no bullshit attitude, however, sometimes it can come off as a lack of empathy for others. whether true or not, what your person finds sexy is how you are the opposite with them. how you can trust and be soft with them and how you will confront your flaws and work on yourself as a part of your journey. and i think it is perceived as sexy because not a lot of people can do this honestly. and even when you do, it is difficult but you don't sugarcoat it. the power and the confidence and the creativity you have makes them so attracted to you and you would never think that they find it an appealing aspect of yourself.

pile four

i'm going to start with your persons perspective pile four because i'm relly excited by what they have to say. you are literally marriage material to them, or at least "i want to spend the rest of my life with them" and they find it so darn sext pile four! they love the joy and victory you bring into their life, as well as the simplicities, the domesticity. they see a beautiful and bright future with you. and i also lowkey see like the sweet forbidden fruit, so maybe you and this person aren't supposed to be together or you don't expect it and it makes the connection a bit more tense but exciting. it brings that spiciness, they aren't suppose to have you but they still want you and believe you will have a future together and that's hot to them.

i see you hands, when you're holding something long if you get my drift. your person would love it if when you giving them some hand action, it goes both ways but i'm mainly seeing the hand holding a stick so you're either playing with them or yourself. again, goes both ways. it could also be just holding random things, they find your hands so pretty so you could be holding the tv remote and they'll think it's sexy. you mind is stimulating also, you and your person could be people who need intellectual stimulation rather than physical and visual alone. your mind is like a maze they want to get lost in, they get turned on by your witty remarks and banter especially when flirting, they just want to kiss your face off.

and lastly, i see that your peaceful aura is so attractive to them. one wouldn't think calm and cosy vibes is a sexy thing to to your person and many others, peace and comfort is a turn on. you stay away from drama. like sure, everyone loves a bit of drama but i mean this in the sense that you aren't actively involved in drama, nor the cause of it, and can easily distance yourself from drama caused by other people. they love seeing you overcome things, and this makes you attractive to them because it furthers the agenda that you are the person they want to spend their future with, someone who is peaceful and warm.

now for the things in general that you do not realise are sexy. i see hands again. so not only your person, but others in general find that you have pretty nice hands. when you're holding things. i'm seeing the curve of your hand or your arm, the same and size can be a turn on for some. it could also represent the way you create opportunities for yourself. i see that you also look or act rich. whether you are rich or not doesn't matter, just the way you hold yourself, like you come from a good background. definitely a desirable feature that makes you sexier.

i think some of you may have had a glow up or your looks significantly changed. could also just be something as simple as your clothing style or hair colour that changed. this change in your appearance makes you sexier. it may not seem much to you, like say you just changed your hair colour. but others, especially the opposite sex or desired sex, find you more sexy after the change. i think you may not go out a lot, like hanging out with friends or attending parties. maybe it is not you thing. but when you do go out, everyone is excited to see you. like, you are rare to others, so people find it mysterious and kind of cherished. it makes you more desired. you may think "oh im so lonely and boring" but others are like "when will pile four hang out with us? i really want to see them" and lastly, i see the trust you have in yourself and the world or god, you seem so content and peaceful pile four and it makes you so sexy and desirable.

© riizebabie444 — all rights reserved. please do not copy, steal, repost or translate my readings on any site. any act of which will be classed as plagiarism.

[haedalkoo]

Hi! I hope you’re doing well<3

I’m not too sure if you’re involved with the Korean part of the fandom but, I was wondering if you had any insight into who the biggest bts ship is on the Korean side.

I saw a post saying that according to data from the Korean website postype (which is like ao3?) that jikook were the most popular ship on there. It’s interesting because people are always quick to debunk Jikook by arguing that their closeness and questionable intimacy is the norm in Korean culture and that Korean men are naturally just more affectionate. But, if Jikook are the most popular romantic bts ship on the Korean side….clearly their behaviour is recognised as distinctly abnormal for two ‘Korean bros’.

Also, I was reading a 2021 blog post from a Jikook blog where they explained that jikook’s popularity amongst the Korean side could be from them ‘fitting’ that very heteronormative idea of what a queer couple should look like. Jm is often perceived as more feminine and jk more masculine and so that ‘visual chemistry’ (again a very heteronormative take) could be part of what makes them as a duo so attractive.

Anyway, just wanted to see what your take on this is and whether you would know more about the k-side of things!

Hi!! this is such an interesting question <3

unfortunately i'm not very involved in the general k-army side. i follow a bunch of k-jikookers to read some content in korean but that's as far as i've gotten. I always tell myself i should engage in fandom in korean to practice but then i get lazy lol

i've also heard that they're the most popular ship tho! i used to read kookmin ff in postype a while ago when i was actively learning korean and i remember seeing them at the top of the list, but i can't swear on it. what i can say from the accounts i follow is that, most definitely, these two don't act like bros in the eyes of koreans. just recently, they went crazy over the joint flower arrangement because it was not normal for friends to do that.

i find that they often do things like this, slightly blurring the lines of what's traditional or a cultural standard. even when you operate through the basis of them just being friends, jikook (and bts in general) don't tend to comfort to traditional gender or age expectations, and i love that about them. the thing is, jikook sometimes present themselves through a code associated with couples only. ie, writing their names together in the same flower arrangement. whether that's intentional (i think so) or a sign that they simply are beyond those social rules, well, we can't know.

This brings me to what you mentioned: "jm is often perceived as more feminine and jk more masculine and so that ‘visual chemistry’ (again a very heteronormative take) could be part of what makes them as a duo so attractive."

you're so right, it is an extremely heteronormative understanding of queer couples. i think lots of people struggle to think jk could be queer as well because of stereotypes like these, as if he were 'too masculine' to be gay. clearly, some people need to interact with queer people irl LOL but just because there are certain 'types' of queer men or sexual dynamics associated to body/personality types (in the same way that there are plenty of butch/femme lesbian couples and expectations of what they should look like), it doesn't mean that every couple must fall under this stereotype or that they're any more or less gay because they check the boxes.

on the other hand, some people tend to enjoy stereotypical content and then struggle to understand that queer people exist outside of them (they might love a fictional gay ship but then be blind to obvious queer signaling from men that don't fit their idea of being gay, if that makes sense?). many shippers, including jikookers, tend to have a more conservative/stereotypical view of their dynamic when jikook as individuals and a couple constantly defy these rules and boxes shoved onto them.

i'm ranting about nothing and anything at this point 😭 this is all to say that if jikook are famous within the k-side, it's not for how they 'look' as that post implied, but for the reasons everyone, korean or not, can see. their chemistry, their love, and their commitment and devotion to each other. imo they spend more time breaking cultural expectations for men/couples than adjusting to stereotypes fabricated by people outside of the queer community 🤷🏼‍♀️

thank you for your question!

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

absolutely not who you were asking because the only people i've seen actually go for the john was queer and pining interpretation are like two podcasts and arguably yoko ono, but I always got the vibe that the people who are complaining about it are annoyed by a mishmash of different theories and arguments rather than one coherent theory

1) john being queer is relatively (the relatively is doing a lot of work here) mainstream as a theory- ime even non tumblr beatles fans are aware of the brian and stu rumours. i'd say that if the kind of beatles fan who's into the lore isn't being reflexively homophobic they at least think it's possible (which is very different from being actively interested in it or thinking it was an important part of his life)

2) we know that john thought paul was very good looking and loved him very much. if he was also queer it doesn't necessarily follow that he had romantic feelings for him but it's pretty easy to look at that and go 1+1+1 = oh buddy i'm sorry about your hot bestie with the matching childhood trauma and the shared creative passion who uses sex as a metaphor for writing with you. the correct ingredients are present. 

3) this is bolstered by his post breakup behaviour, which has noted john girls yoko ono and philip norman thinking it might be best explained by some romantic yearnings. personally i think this is a sign they've never had a truly catastrophic friend breakup but w/e, i'm coming in at probably over #2 so i can't talk. 

4) meanwhile people on tumblr will fight over whether paul is queer, seems queer, is gnc, or is in fact a totally normal and conventional heterosexual man. on team conventional heterosexual man you will find both paul fans who think john was motivated to be such an asshole by perceived romantic rejection (framing hdys, especially, as vitriolic cope) and non paul fans who afaict believe that queerness is sympathetic and paul doesn't deserve stolen queer valour. idk these are probably not the most generous interpretations of these takes but these are not my people so i've not done a deep dive. 

anyway i think these factors add up to john's potential queerness and attraction to paul being relatively (again lmao) uncontroversial while paul's potential queerness and attraction to John feels much more contentious, which gets bundled with "paul was more repressed while john understood he was queer" and the actual "john was queer and in love with a straight paul" theory into one sort of amorphous ball, probably buoyed by the fact that many of the more insistent paul was straight truthers seem to have very strong partisan feelings for either paul or john so we're coming in hot with a potential proxy war over our faves. 

if I sent this like three times I'm so sorry Tumblr is having a normal one.

Hey thank you for writing this up for me and also don't worry it only arrived once :)

1) I fully agree with your assessment here. The notion that John had those inklings is pretty heard of off-tumblr and received in a variety of ways as far as I can tell. You're right to point out that even people who buy into it tend not to emphasize it or be interested in it.

2) that makes sense. I've definitely seen some people on reddit sometimes expressing they thought John had some kind of crush on Paul at some point. I don't know how much it actually factors into their reading of say the band break up, since they tend to mention it kind of casually.

3) I actually agree with you that it's possible Yoko (and Norman) read a lot into John's post-breakup behaviour. The thing is we're not being provided with the evidence which led her to that conclusion, what "chance remarks" did John make that made her think he wanted to sleep with Paul lol. So it's possible she's jumping to conclusions, but on the other hand, clearly she had more context than I do.

4) Huh. I don't think I've ever seen anyone saying they think Paul is straight cause they don't want him to have "stolen queer valour". I also, TBH, do not really see people fighting over this anymore. It was kind of a thing 4 years ago, but now it seems like 95% of tumblr agrees Paul is some flavour of queer and anyone who disagrees is either stupid or hates fun or actively homophobic.

I feel like the fave proxy war thing you were mentioning was a big thing a couple years ago, but tbh, I feel like most of this is like...... intra-Paul community at this point? There aren't a ton of (primarily) John fans on tumblr these days and George fans tend not to get super involved.

[circlejourney]

Finished TOH season 1, here comes my bullet point cascade about episodes 14 - 19.

(As a side note, I don't usually get a chance to externalise my thoughts about a work of fiction to this level of detail because I usually binge straight through it. But yeah I tend to think about writing on a craft level a lot and this is part of why I like to go into something with absolutely no spoilers, I get a lot out of seeing how stories craft twists and reveals)

Seeing the final 2 episodes really shows me what this show can do when it's not trying to cram a full plot structure into every episode. I am so here for a society of control plotline. An autocracy that limits what magic people can do in order to control them, uses schools as instruments in furthering it, and produces this sense of dire competitiveness that sometimes turns spiteful...is a theme that really gets to the heart of my own life growing up. I like how the show has kind of gradually built up the nature of this world without playing all of its cards right away.

I think that, although Luz had never quite been shown doing all the things she did with magic in the finale double ep, it all followed on both her personality (rash, resourceful, going where no one else would) and the skills we had seen her learn. I gained a lot of respect for her in the finale of the last episode because she really got her act together.

Speaking of Luz, she has kinda put a target on her back? Surely if she starts spreading her way of doing magic, she's going to become seen as a threat in some way, especially if wild magic and mixing types of magic is so frowned upon? But of course, she is doing magic straight from the island, rebuilding it from first principles and all, so she is living embodiment of the kinds of magic Belos tried to eradicate/sever the people from

Also interesting she can't do her spells in the human world so she must be channelling the ambient power from the environment; no one can take it from her as long as she remembers how to draw the symbols and is able to draw them in some way

The reveal about the curse and its circumstances was really good...it explains so much about Lilith's personality and motivations and makes her split intentions between the emperor and Eda make so much sense. “Why were you so easy to curse” and generally Lilith mocking her about the effects of the curse is so awful though, given she did it to cheat at the entrance test. Wow in hindsight this makes it super in-character that she empowered Amity during that fight. She is not at all averse to playing dirty and this hasn't changed. (I like that a lot of characters' hair colours have changed…some sort of symbolism about different selves there)

Fight between her and Eda was really fucking cool...the animation...I wonder about the implications of them both now being significantly weakened. Definitely feels like a passing of the torch...to Luz and Amity? Luz is definitely growing into the role, does she now get to use Owlbert? Does Eda get to keep her ability to turn into creature?

Also, considering the petrification was televised, I wonder how Amity is going to feel about the whole happening, considering how people she cared about were involved...and whether Lilith betraying the emperor will move her away from joining his coven.

Speaking of Luz and Amity, taking 2 steps back...they're so. Cute. I am all about this. I love how flustered Amity gets around Luz to the point of going completely OOC. I love the dance fight sequence, the way they seamlessly performed magic together, unpremeditated, and defeated the Grom while dancing. The way they portrayed Amity's anxiety about asking Luz to the dance and how Luz did so anyway. The whole episode is really efficient. Also, as of the end of S1, I find it more believable that she is attracted to Luz now.

Also really liked Understanding Willow. Is it just me or does Willow feel like she could be read as plural coded? I don't know if the show peers into anyone else's mind as a landscape but...she always struck me as having some mental health stuff going on, what with the way she would flip out, so I was really nervous when the episode premise was looking at her memories and. God. I care her. I only wish that they had given her a bit more time to process this new information about that formative memory of being cast aside by Amity

Ok, Emperor Belos is definitely not supposed to be alive right now, but he has been consuming stuff that prolongs his life unnaturally (like the green fire stuff)? Given the bloom of eternal youth thing this has clearly become a part of his life routine. that seems like a pretty big vulnerability if true! So he reached some sort of god-king status ages ago, maybe way back when giant things died, and speaking of which...

What happened with the Titan. Did he take control of/kill the Titan and claim their power or simply use their name to prop himself up. Why is their heart (I think) just hanging behind Belos, seemingly disembodied. Whether that's the Titan's heart or something else, it is some extremely cool set design. Eda referred to the Titan in the same way as a deity, "Titan help me" but IDK if giant beings are universally thought of as deities?

There's more than one giant though, unless the Bat Queen was the Titan's palisman...giants have to be a whole species considering she said "a giant". I want to know more about giants.

Ok this Day of Unity thing spooks me; it's going to involve bridging with the human world which has completely lost contact with the magic/demon world for an extremely long time except via the door…if Belos says he doesn't intend to invade them, then is he trying to assimilate them? (day of unity and all) His play so far has been to harness societies towards propping up himself. Why does he care so much about the human world/humans? Is there some sort of resource inherent in that that he can use/turn to his advantage? The show is clearly not averse to themes like exploitation of bodies and lives, and idk how hard it leans in the imperial direction, but I really hope that it's something in that tone.

[lycan-troth]

I'm so confused by the asexual spectrum, and I mean that respectfully. There's so many variations that I can't keep up with them. I've tried to understand what they are, but I've not been able to find anything that explains them simply and clearly.

Before ppl get mad or offended... I'm saying this bcs I think I could be on the spectrum, but bcs it's so confusing, I can't tell if I am or not. I just want to see simple explanations, but I can't wrap my head around all the different versions. So, I was hoping someone knowledgeable on the subject could suggest what I could be? I'm lesbian and she/they, so I understand those parts of my identity, just for some subtext. I'm just stumbling on how I (don't) experience attraction.

So, I'm 22, and I have no experience with intimacy or romance. Though, that's mainly bcs I haven't had the opportunities. I'd never be intimate with a stranger or a friend. I've only been in love once. I've only felt significant attraction to maybe 4 or 5 people? I usually catch myself trying to see if I find anyone attractive, and it often feels forced bcs the high majority of ppl I see are not attractive to me. I observe ppl, trying to find elements of them that might spark something in me, but nothing happens. I've tried to force crushes on myself before, and it just feels desperate and lonely. I feel no genuine attraction. Just indifference. It bothers me. I want to feel attraction more often, but I don't.

A good thing is that I'm not someone who's usually considered attractive. I'm cute and innocent-like, but nothing more. I'm basically that one friend everyone assumes is innocent and kind like a kid, and no one decent is interested in that. And that's okay, bcs I don't find anyone around me attractive, haha. It's just lonely. The few times I've been attracted to someone has always been really overwhelming for me. I've literally gone weak in the knees and almost fallen over bcs I saw a rlly attractive girl. But always, when I've felt attraction, I've also been afraid. I've often joked to myself that if i feel intimidated by a girl and she hasn't done anything to warrant that response, then she's just really pretty.

I have never approached anyone I've found very attractive bcs it just seems rlly weird to me. Plus, I always don't know them, or they're seeing someone, and I'm always an anxious wreck. In general, I can not recognise flirting or subtle things. I'm autistic and while my social skills aren't bad, they only go so far, lol. So, maybe someone has tried flirting before, and I just thought they were being nice? That's why I don't do subtle. The ppl in my life know that I don't play games. If I have a problem with someone, I'd tell them. If I'm happy spending time with someone, I let them know. I tell a few ppl I love them, that's a big thing for me. I like directness, but I know lots of ppl struggle with it. However, for me, I need it to be able to understand the full picture properly. Idk why so many ppl like playing weird cat and mouse games. Someone said it was to be mysterious or to not show 'too much' interest. That to me is just stupid and childish. I get feeling scared of rejection, but I don't like it when ppl mess around. It's impolite to play with someone's feelings, making them question whether you like them or not. It just breeds insecurity and doubt. To me, it's unattractive and boring. It's not romantic. But that's just me, and I'm often enough the odd one out.

Anyway, it is not often I feel attraction. Ppl are usually boring. I have felt that a few ppl were cute during brief interactions, so if those continued, perhaps that sort of feeling could have developed. I'm open to marriage with the right person, but only if they're The One. I'd only date someone if I knew them well enough, but I'm not open to dating casually. I feel very intensely about most things, and I have been in love once. It was an online relationship. I loved her very much and only wanted her happiness and comfort. I hadn't meant to fall in love, and I'd never intended to have an online relationship. But I loved her, and that changed my mind. When she broke up with me, I accepted it and comforted her about it. I mentioned that I was sad about it, naturally, but I didn't say much more than that. I understood it was difficult and upsetting for her to break up, so I respected her decision and minimalised communicating the extent of how upset I felt. I did that because telling her wouldn't be a kindness or productive. It would only make her feel more upset and guilty. We're still friends. I always thought ppl were being dramatic when they said that first loves were devastating or sad. I loved and was loved in return, which makes the experience worth it. I hope to find love again, someday.

I like the idea of romance and comfort, but obtaining it isn't so simple. However, I refuse to settle for less than what I want. On the other hand: intimacy. I'm not upset that I've never done anything. Sure, in theory, I'd like to have a bit of experience, but I don't, and that's okay. My hand does the trick for me just fine, so I'm not frustrated at all. If I had a partner, in theory, I believe if I trusted them enough, we might do something together, but in reality? Idk, but I like the idea of it.

That's all I can think of to mention. So, if someone could make a suggestion or something, I'd appreciate it. Even if it's just to tell me that I'm not part of the asexual spectrum, and I'm just an introverted, anxious, autistic, lesbian who's suffering under the devastation that is other ppl's commitment issues. That'd be fine. I'm just feeling lost and would appreciate a kind word of reassurance.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Understanding Asexuality

Sometimes I go on Reddit. Sometimes it goes ... interestingly.

There was an AITA post - a guy started going out with a girl and he found out about a month in that she was ace. No mention was made about whether she knew when she first started seeing him or she figured it out at the point that she told him. Either way, he thought, "Well, it'll be fine, she'll get more comfortable with me and get over it!"

Spoiler: she did not get over it. He was upset because she would masturbate on occasion but was not interested in sex with him.

So basically he was asking if he would be the asshole if he broke up with her because she wouldn't have sex with him. Okay, some of the ways both parties handled things wasn't ideal, but no - that doesn't make anybody the asshole. That makes them sexually incompatible, and breaking up is for the best. So I said that, and added my own experience on the matter. Because, seriously, I didn't even know that asexuality existed for a long, long time. And every single one of my romantic relationships imploded as a result. Because I assumed that the sexual feeling was somewhere in the romantic feeling, but I was very, very wrong. And if I'd known then what I know now, I probably wouldn't have got into those relationships in the first place, and if I'd found out during those relationships, I would have broken up with them, so they could find someone who could meet their needs. I never wanted to hurt anyone. I just didn't get it, because the assumption is always that romantic feelings and sexual feelings go hand in hand.

Now, of the few responses I got, most of them were pretty affirming. But one? Oooooooooh that one. That one was, "There's a word for romantic feelings without sexual feelings - it's called friendship".

...Which ... noooooooooo? At least, not ever in my experience. The way I feel about my friends and the way I've felt about my romantic partners has been very, very different. I don't want to kiss my friends. I don't want to ... well, be romantic with my friends. Yes, the best romantic relationships have friendship at their core (I still believe that if you did not marry your best friend, you did you and your spouse a disservice), but ... there's such a difference between how I felt about my last partner and how I feel about the folks in my D&D group, who are almost certainly my best friends in the whole wide world. I can't entirely explain how it's different, but it's different.

I mean, that whole theory doesn't make sense anyway. If you can be sexually attracted to someone without being romantically attracted to someone, why couldn't it go the other way around? Seems perfectly logical to me. To this individual, not so much.

I guess that's the whole problem in the end, and why being ace is so hard. Like, you assume that the romantic feelings and the sexual feelings go hand in hand because that is what basically the entire fucking world is telling you, and then you find out that no, you're having the romantic feelings but you don't want sex, or maybe only occasionally want sex, or aren't really all that keen on sex in general but will have it sometimes because hey, why not? And then somebody tells you that no, apparently you've never had romantic feelings because ... well, because romantic feelings and sexual feelings go hand in hand and are you seeing the vicious cycle here?

I would love to have a romance. I want someone to kiss and cook for and snuggle up to and shower with confetti on the public streets while shouting "It's BEST PARTNER IN THE WORLD DAY!" But because of shit like this, I figure it's never going to actually happen. It's too hard to navigate that minefield, and I burned myself and others too many times when I didn't understand that romantic love could live apart from sexual attraction, and it doesn't feel worth it, however sad that makes me. For all that my relationships imploded, I did love all my partners, and I wish I'd known that I was ace before I got involved with them, as much to spare them the ugliness of how those relationships ended as to spare me all that. And it wasn't the same love I have for my besties. They're like my siblings. It's love, but it's not romantic. I know what romantic love feels like, even if little shits like that one say I don't, or can't, or whatever.

I try to be kind to people like that. I mean, I won't put up with their bullshit, but I get that it's hard for them too. You can't describe a negative. When you describe an empty box, you're describing the box, not the nothing that's inside it. So all they have to go on when I try to describe the nothing is what their box looks like.

Still pisses me off, though. So I said the thing about how romantic love and platonic friend-love have always felt like two entirely different things to me. I didn't want to speak for anyone else; it didn't seem fair. No responses to that one, but eh. It's not like those kinds of people believe asexuals about what they feel or don't feel anyway...

[beforus-for-real-justice]

part 3 This sort of relationship volatility is why conciliatory relationships are an important part of troll romance. An auspistice can stabilize particularly turbulent relationships. If the auspistice fails to mediate properly, or has no interest in the role, or perhaps has different romantic intentions him/herself altogether, then the relationship often quickly deteriorates into one of an especially hostile and torrid nature.There are many outside factors and influences tugging and pulling these relationships in different directions, and unlike humans who have very orderly, simple, straightforward romantic relationships without exception, trolls exist in a state of almost perpetual confusion and generally have no idea what the hell is going on. Being confused by troll relationships is one thing we do have in common though. This quadrant presides over MOIRALLEGIENCE, the other conciliatory relationship. A reasonable human translation would be the concept of a soul mate, but in a more platonic sense, and with a more specific social purpose. Trolls are a very angry and violent race. Some are more hot-tempered and dangerous than others, to the extent that if left to their own devices, they would present a serious threat to society, or even to themselves. Such trolls will have an instinctive pale attraction to a more even-tempered troll, who may become their MOIRAIL. The moirail is obliged to pacify the other, to function as the better half. The two partners in a strong pale relationship will serve to balance and complement each other's emotional profiles, and thus allow their other relationships to be more successful. It's often ambiguous especially among young trolls whether a bond formed between an acquaintance is true moirallegence, or the usual variety of platonic involvement. Furthermore, the romantic intentions of a more flushed nature can often be mistaken for paler leanings, much to the frustration of the suitor. But some pale pairings, as the one above, will be strikingly obvious to all who know them. God you just can't get enough of this can you! That would have been a great point for a transition out of this illustrated sociological study, but ok, if you insist. Now see, what's going on here is... It's perfectly simple. When the full matrix of troll romance is in action, we have... uh... Hey, why don't you figure it out! You should be an expert on all this by now anyway. Later our troll hero would try to explain this to our human hero, attempting to convey all the nuance of troll romance through a nearly verbatim recitation of the preceding excerpts. He would try to describe how rich and textured the troll romantic comedies were compared to the one dimensional schlock of our human cinematic counterparts. He would barely scratch the surface of Troll Will Smith's virtuosity with the delicate lattice of troll romance, as he would assist the bumbling fudgeblooded Troll Kevin James through the interwoven minefield-briarpatch of redrom and blackrom entanglements, all the while sifting through his own prickly romantic situation and ultimately learning the true meaning of hate and pity.But would they succeed before the imperial drone came knocking with his thirsty pails at the ready??? Yes, they would. But John didn't understand any of this because he's a moron, and he wouldn't shut up about his awful bullshit Earth movies. He would just go on and on and on about that garbage. But if there was one theme to be hammered through his thick skull, it would be the trolls' cultural preoccupation with romantic destiny. Yes, the romantic landscape is rife with false starts and miscues and infidelities that, red and black. But every troll believes strongly that each quadrant holds one and only one true pairing for them, and it is just a matter of time before the grid is filled with auspicious matchups through the mysterious channels of TROLL SERENDIPITY. In short, their belief is that for each quadrant there exists a pair or triad of trolls somewhere in the cosmos that were... MADE FOR EACH OTHER.

[bloomshroomz]

I don't exactly fit the demographic this is aimed at, but I feel like my experiences are relevant here, so I'll throw them in here anyway:

I'm aromantic, but not necessarily aroace. I relate to aspects of both asexuality and allosexuality, but don't strongly label where I fall on an ace-to-allo spectrum. Greysexual or quoisexual is probably most appropriate, but I'd generally rather just say aromantic. Polysexual and/or lesbian as well, if it's relevant to bring up (primarily referring to my tertiary attraction, but also sometimes to my sexual attraction).

I don't have gay parents, but I do have lesbian aunts. They're some of my favorite relatives, and they're generally pretty knowledgeable and open minded when it comes to LGBTQ+ stuff... But I had to have a long conversation to explain to them what the word "aromantic" means when I came out.

The conversation happened a few months ago, when I was talking to them about my relationship. I was telling them that I'm really happy in my relationship, but sometimes I wonder if I should have figured myself out first. I didn't know that I was aromantic when my girlfriend and I became a romantic couple, and I wished that I could have told her beforehand. I was also talking to my grandpa and older sibling in this conversation, but I'm gonna focus on my aunts specifically.

(Also, my girlfriend is fine with me being aromantic, but there have been times where I've felt like "I owed it to her to know about it back then" because of like. Internalized arophobia I guess.)

I'm gonna paraphrase how the conversation went. I can't remember exactly what was said or exactly how the threads of the conversation connected together, but I remember some key points.

A = Aunts M = Me

A: "Oh, so your girlfriend isn't really into romantic stuff?"

M: "Huh? What do you mean?"

A: "Well, you said you're a romantic, and you wish you'd known that beforehand. Is she not as interested in romance as you?"

M: "Oh, no, I meant like.. a-romantic."

A: [confused]

M: "Like the prefix a- as in 'not.' I don't experience romantic attraction." [I actually don't remember whether it was me or my sibling who clarified this.]

A: "Oh, so it's the opposite."

M: "Kinda, yeah."

A: "That's really confusing, because 'aromantic' sounds like you're saying you're 'a romantic.'"

I kept talking about being aromantic for a while, and my aunts kept getting confused throughout. I tried switching to "aro" instead, but that only confused them more. We ultimately landed on "unromantic" instead, because that was the only way they could understand me.

A: "So, you don't experience romantic attraction. What exactly does that mean for you?"

M: "Well it's different for everyone, but I personally just don't have any specific desire for a romantic relationship. I'm open to it, but it's never something I long for or seek out. My girlfriend and I became partners because we were committed affectionate friends, and we just thought it made sense. Like, 'we're already close, might as well decide that we're romantic partners.'"

A: "So you don't like kissing and things like that?"

M: "No, I like kissing, I just don't specifically want to kiss someone in a romantic context. I don't want or do things because they're romantic, I want and do things because I like doing them. I don't think of kissing as an inherently romantic action. I like kissing for the sake of kissing, because kissing is nice. Like, I've kissed friends before, but I'm just not romantically motivated."

Here comes a different section of the conversation. Keep in mind that I might not remember the order of the conversation correctly.

M: "Sometimes I worry that when I say I'm aromantic, people will think that I don't love my girlfriend. But I love her a lot, and that's important to me; it's just not a romantic love."

A: "What kind of love is it?"

M: "It's... Well, I don't experience romantic attraction or romantic love, but I experience other forms of emotional attraction and love. I generally put it into one of two categories: platonic or alterous. Platonic means I specifically want to be someone's friend, and alterous is a sort of 'other' category which isn't exactly platonic or romantic.

For me, alterous is like, 'I want you in my life, and I want an emotional connection with you. I don't care whether our relationship is considered platonic, or romantic, or neither, or both.' I love my girlfriend in an alterous way.

Basically, there are people who I'm not open to romance with, but still want to be friends with, and that's platonic. Then there are people who I am open to romance with, but still don't specifically want romance with, and that's alterous."

A: "So, overall, you feel pretty indifferent to romance."

M: "Yeah, exactly that. I could be in a romantic relationship, or I could go my whole life without one, and I'd be the same either way. It's not something I go looking for, and it's just not really relevant to me."

This was honestly an excellent part of the conversation, and I was super glad that they used the term "indifferent" specifically. I felt really understood in that moment, as a romance-indifferent aro.

A: "So, do you feel this way about sex too?"

M: "No- well, wait, what do you mean?"

A: "Like, pretty indifferent?"

M: "Oh, yeah, I do."

I didn't really elaborate further than that, because I don't feel too comfortable discussing that with family. It's complicated, but overall I do enjoy sex and seek it out sometimes, and I definitely experience sexual attraction. But I'm still not very sexual, and I'm not very sexually motivated. I generally prefer going solo in that area, with occasional exceptions. I'd be fine without a sexual partner, and I don't see sex as a "need" for myself. It's just a fun thing to do sometimes. I'm somewhere between sex-indifferent and sex-favorable. Indiffavorable, if you will. When I identified as aroace, I felt "more aro than ace."

M: "Sometimes I wonder if my girlfriend looks at my aro- er- unromantic pride flag and thinks I 'don't really love' her. Like, I check in with her to make sure she feels loved, and she says she does, but I still worry every now and then."

A: "Why have a flag for it?"

M: "... Well I mean, it's important to me, and it's something that was hard for me to accept about myself."

I was surprised by this question, because I thought it would be self explanatory. Like, of course it makes sense to have an aromantic pride flag! It's a romantic minority. I kinda got the sense that they didn't really view aromanticism as an orientation in its own right, but I could be wrong about that. That's just how it felt.

Those are all the key points of the conversation I can remember.

Overall, I feel like they were genuinely trying to understand, and I appreciate that. But it was definitely a big reminder of how invisible we are, where even people like my aunts haven't really heard of it, and we couldn't even get through the conversation without me substituting the word for something else. I feel like that's a form of aromantic erasure in its own right.

The conversation eventually shifted to my lesbianism, and that part of the conversation flowed a lot more smoothly. They actually said some things that really stuck with me in a positive way during that conversation, probably because of the sense of shared experiences and deep understanding.

But I definitely felt the contrast between conversations. Though, it makes sense that alloromantic lesbians would understand the lesbian part of my identity a lot more than the aromantic part of my identity. Still... I felt so alien, and not in a good way.

Aroaces with gay parents, tell me your experiences with them. I can't seem to find any resources on this so far and I'm curious to the isolating experience from those like you as your both apart of the lgbt community as oppose to allo hetereosexuals. Feel free to share via reply or reblog.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

so like. this is going to be so rambly and i'm sorry. please skim lol i don't want to put you through all that. but i've been thinking i might be ace or prob gray ace for over two years. and i'm still convincing myself "it just hasn't happened yet you'll start feeling regular attraction someday." and like it's not that i haven't had a sexual awakening yet or whatever lmao i definitelyyy have. i'm an adult and i def experience like a sex drive and think about it lots lol it's just the attraction isn't really there and that's the part that would make me ace, like in theory i know that it's what makes the most sense.

but i think i have experienced genuine attraction ... like twice in my life. and i kept thinking 'when i go to college, i'll feel more attraction, i just don't like anyone at this school.' and i do feel occassional attraction in college now, i do feel it more here. i do regularly think people i walk past are attractive, but it's never anything real. it never lasts or anything. and i'm wondering if this is just how everyone feels, but it doesn't feel that way. i haven't had a legit crush that i didn't force in years. and when i feel this fleeting attraction like it doesn't feel like it could become something real. but i don't know if that experience of attraction is just what everyone feels or not.

like i always thought the thing that made me maybe ace was that i didn't find people hot based on appearnace walking past them. and now that's all i ever kind of feel and i never feel the deeper attraction i would very occassionally feel in the past. so i'm just so confused. and i feel like the amounts of atttraction i do feel would negate my aceness (even though i think i'd go with the label gray ace anyway and that's literally exactly what it's for lmao).

but the thing is like. i feel like i'm having an aspec life experience. like the little attraction i think i do feel doesn't negate the fact that more and more i'm starting to doubt whether i will find someone i am substantially attracted to long term who is also interested in me and so i don't think i will have a typical allo romantic/sexual life. and i don't even know if i would want sexual and/or romantic things if they actually started happening outside of my head.

and i'm wondering if i'm aro spec too. which logically. i know that if i am ace spec i am also aro spec because i don't think the two things are disentangled for me personally. and that scares me a lot and i think i just haven't wanted to admit it to myself. but then i also don't want to be wrong and i don't know what the attraction i do (think i) feel means. and i know almost every aspec person feels like this at least at first and i have to let go of it but i can't.

anyway i just think like. if i've been feeling this same way for over two years and i haven't been "proven wrong" yet. then like why am i still waiting to be "proven wrong." non aspec people usually know they are not aspec, don't they. they usually don't doubt it because the feelings are so obvious. and if i'm sitting here, two years later, still going "well i don't know maybe that WAS attraction." then like. i need to accept it.

but i don't know. i feel like if i am aspec, i'm a really weird aspec person lmao. like i feel way too obsessed with the idea of sex and romance to be aspec. even though logically i know that's very common and it's about real world attraction. and i think that's also why i'm so hesitant. because i don't want it to be true because i want to want all that so badly.

sorry for this being LONG. thank you for reading this, i actually don't know who to talk to about this. it feels so personal and hard to explain.

Yes, generally speaking experiencing attraction the way you do is different than how allo people usually experience it. Allo people generally experience attraction in a sustained way and the feelings are usually quite strong and noticeable even if they're not looking for them.

Aces on the other hand do sometimes experience attraction, but in a way that's fleeting, doesn't last long or feels weak. And you have outlined in this ask a lot of common reasons why people identify as ace and how it's experience based and often it can be based a lot in experiencing things differently than allo people do or are expected to.

I would definitely encourage you at this stage to at least explore asexuality and see if that would be a useful label for you. (Gray-asexuality is good too, but there isn't really a distinct line between the two, you can also use both labels at the same time if you want.)

For a lot of people romantic and sexual feelings/attraction are wrapped up with each other. But if you're not feeling ready to explore aromanticism yet, that's OK. And a lot of people who are both on the ace and aro spectrums will often figure one out then the other. Though of course you can look into both if you want to.

I disagree that these conflicting feelings you're having are something you just have to get over. Instead I'd say it's something that's better to work through. A lot of people have to work to accept being aro, it just takes time, but spending time in aro spaces, looking up aro media, and following aro blogs can all help.

Honestly nothing here is screaming 'not aspec' to me, even obsessing over romance and sex. Some aspec people think about both a lot and do like both in certain ways (but usually have some reason for identifying as ace or aro).

My advice at this stage anon would be just to explore. Follow ace and aro blogs, read up on ace and aro experiences. Check out media with ace and aro characters (there's especially a lot of book lists and podcasts out there with ace and aro characters, and easy to find rec lists, though I can share some too if you're having trouble.)

Places you may find interesting to check out:

Carnival of Aces and Carnival of Aros: These are both monthly blogging events according to a theme, and you can dig through their archives.

Arocalypse: An aro themed forum, they also have a really good faq.

A couple a-spec microlabels you may find interesting or want to look into (it's your choice if you feel like these may fit you or if you want to use them or not):

Caligosexual/caligoromantic: Sexual/romantic attraction that is very weak, vague, or almost nonexistent, like a vapor, fog, or mist.

Aegosexual/aegoromantic: someone who has things they find sexual/romantic, but doesn't want to be a participant themselves. Someone who feels a disconnect between themselves and the subjection of their arousal/romantic feelings.

And don't be afraid to take your time. This is all a lot. If you have more questions or want anything clarified, don't be afraid to send in more asks either.

All the best, Anon! Good luck!

[skeppsbrott]

Venting some frustrations about autism, social contacts in general and dating in particular below the cut, if you want to chat with me about it that'd be welcome X

I loathe to call it trauma because that seems like an incorrect usage of a quite serious term, but there are a few major experiences I carry with me from being a young autist in combination with a target of bullying from ages uuh 7-14, that I keep thinking I've moved past but which time and time again prove their grip on me.

The experience of "I thought everything was fine but it was not and I have no way of knowing whether the fault was mine and if so what I did wrong" I think is fundamentally human. Second guessing yourself and your impact on others is healthy. That said there is a difference where many of my allistic friends can tell themselves (or have others tell them) they are overthinking and most of the time be right whereas in my case, more often than not over the course of my life, that fear was very much founded and for many years I learned the hard way that I should second guess myself more than I thought. The result is that while I have become a much more socially competent person, it is at the expense of never resting in my ability to assess a situation, always being prepared for things (from my perspective) turning on a dime and really struggling with assigning the cause to anything but myself. This itself is not great for portraying yourself as a wonder of charm and charisma.

This time it was someone I matched with on Tinder who I, today, found out had unmatched me. It happens every so often and usually I just bite the disappointment of "this was an attractive and interesting person who for whatever reason decided the effort wasn't worth it" because it's so superficial anyway. I've unmatched people before. Whatever.

And yet.

Me and this person got directly into some shared passions, she complimented me multiple times, we agreed to meet and it was only after I suggested a different date from one she originally had to turn down that she unmatched me. I was a bit antsy because she was very, very slow to reply so I shared some screenshots with a friend to assure me that I wasn't actually crazy and that aside from the slow replies she seemed genuinely interested, looking back at them I feel none the wiser. I don't know. I explain slow replies with social anxiety or work hours or downplaying interest, I know I am not owed an explanation but I so, so wish for the politeness of a "thank you but for personal reasons I will have to decline". Just anything. Whatever. Maybe she got back together with an ex or maybe she never liked me and was just playing along or maybe her aunt died and she just removed herself off of the internet altogether or maybe she found out she knows someone I once hurt or maybe she has personal issues and couldn't handle following through.

I don't need to know. I genuinely don't expect strangers to reveal those kinds of things to me. But there is something about being ignored or left talking to the void that upsets me deeply. It makes me feel like that middle schooler that people were talking about but not to. It makes me feel like an alien, a wild beast in people's clothing, like everyone has noticed something I have not. Like adults switching to a different language when they talk about scary or important things they don't want their children to hear. Like my faults are inherent and not worth addressing because what is there to do about them? Nothing. It is the kind of thing you understand or you don't.

There is no purpose in self love. There is nothing about me inherently unlovable, repulsive, distasteful. I know this. I know my strengths and I acknowledge those and I prove in my friendships and familial and professional relationships their importance and usefulness and power. I am better than no man, and no man is better than I. All of this is true. I observe myself and in spite of bullies and exclusionary norms I see my own self worth, appreciate what and who I am, feel no shame in stating that. I am attractive in ways which are perhaps unremarkable but nonetheless fine and attractive. I have proven time and time again that I am capable of loving as well as of recieving love.

And yet.

[sleeplessincairo]

[ dating bucky barnes would include: ]

warnings: a somewhat vague sexual outline and a few cusses

///

Him walking around with a notebook everywhere. Bucky got the idea from Steve when he saw him writing new things to his modern day to-do-list, so Bucky decided to do the same except fill his notebook up with his old memories instead; anything he could remember from his life before being The Winter Soldier. At first, there were only a few pages filled but as his life starting to include domestic and mundane-as well as a healthy environment-activities, he started having spontaneous and soon-to-be-frequent flashbacks that, later on, contributed to dozens of notebooks filled with not The Winter Soldier, not Prisoner #56898, not White-Wolf, but James Buchanan Barnes.

You never mentioned the notebook to Bucky nor asked to read it-Bucky was a private person, and you understood and respected that-but you still started carrying a pen with you, just in case he ever needed one.

At first, the notebook(s) was/were filled with solely memories of his past-No matter how insignificant. Whether it was that time the toilet got clogged in his shabby little apartment and had to stay with Steve and Sarah Rogers for a week because he couldn't afford a plumber or that time he lost his shoe in bar brawl and some swanky chrome-dome gave him a few bucks to buy some shoes and a sock without a hole in it. He wrote everything his mind could clearly grasp. But as the two of you got closer, he started filling it with memories he had with/of you because-even if he would never admit it-you made him feel right at home.

You may or may not have stolen his dog tags from the Smithsonian museum just as a reminder that even after all the pain, despair, manipulation, and torture he still managed to be the good person he was all those years ago. He was still James Barnes, local heartthrob that volunteered at the soup kitchen during his free time, that fought a war and lost an arm during the process, that dreamt of flying cars and a future without all fights and wars, that had a soft spot for a certain trouble-attracting boy whose heart was too big for his body.

“Jesus doll, I didn’t know I was dating a thief.” “Oh James, I thought you’d already realized that when I stole your heart from right under your nose.”

Bucky’s not big on talking or directly verbally professing his love, but that’s okay; His eyes tell you everything. There was always something about Bucky’s eyes that were so mesmerizing, so captivating, you could instantly tell how he was feeling. Before you, his eyes resembled a pale arctic blue that were as cold as glaciers-His eyes were hollowed and empty, scratched raw from any emotion but your growing presence thawed them out, they warmed through the cold exterior of what was once The Winter Soldier and reminded you that the hottest fires burn blue.

He does, however, reference quite a few interesting slang choices from the 40′s, which is his own little way of demonstrating verbal affection, ranging from calling you ‘Doll’ & ‘Sweetheart’ to calling you ‘The Cat’s Meow’ & ‘Butter and Egg Fly’

He’s never been very invested in hygiene. It never really was something important for him since he was in the Army and BO was a pretty normal thing, and then he became The Winter Soldier and HYDRA never exactly gave him a bathtub-Not that he was in the right mindset to to care about it anyway-So you usually have to remind him to shower everyday-Not that you mind, it would usually end with the both of you showering together and you having the opportunity to wash his hair yourself.

Soon enough, Bucky gets real invested in hygiene, he starts reading about self-care routines, exfoliating, conditioning, and gets completely hooked. Secretly, he does it because he likes the routine, something mundane and fixed to do to keep him busy.

You’re the only one that gets to call him James. Something about the way you say it warms his heart, he’d focus completely on the way your mouth moves as you say it-It reminded him of the way his mother would say his full name before busting his chops about coming home all dirty but then later ruffling his thick hair and offering a plate of strawberry jam sandwhiches, or how the word was always lurking in the dark corners of his mind like the silhouette of a ghost he couldn’t seem to recognize until you brought it to life.

Him always reaching out for your hand when he feels out-of-place, outside, or honestly just all the time because it helps him feel secure and grounded.

Steve third wheeling the both of you all the time. No seriously, literally all the time. He spends more time in the apartment you and Bucky share more than his own to the point where you and Bucky wonder if he actually has one. 

Steve has a key to your place-Even though, the both of you never gave him a key in the first place-and has a habit of interrupting the both of you or walking in on the worst possible moments.

“Hey guys, what are ya doi-Oh...Sorry I didn't know-Buck, you don't need to throw-Jesus, okay, okay I’m going.”

“Who the hell does it look like I’m doing, Steve.”

Bucky being very insecure about his arm, he even refuses to touch you with that arm-Subconsciously, he’s afraid he’ll accidentally hurt you. At first, he only ever wears long-sleeved shirts and a glove even on the hottest days as if he’d somehow forget that there was a metallic limb under all the cotton, but slowly like molasses he starts accepting it. He starts wearing open finger gloves, then discarding the gloves, then wearing 3-quarter sleeves, then short-sleeved shirts, then sleeveless shirts, then finally feeling comfortable enough to take off his shirt in front of you which leads to a night filled with discarded clothing, the sounds of soft murmurs and reassurances, the rolling of each other’s names off each other tongues like a prayer, and the rustling of the blanket against the delicate movement of your intertwined bodies skin-on-skin, skin-on-metal as the both of you unravel thread by thread in each other’s arms.

Truth is, you love his metal arm, you love the way it’s cool against your warm cheek on hot summer nights, you love the splashes of light that kiss it every morning making it sparkle, you love the soft and soothing whirring noises it lets out breaking the silence in your room, you love it because it’s a part of him and God knows how much you love everything about this man.

Despite being the assassin that killed JFK, managed to get away with it, and mind boggle conspiracists for decades he’s a bit clumsy. He has a habit of accidentally breaking things and later on, not telling you about it.

"James Buchanan Barnes, I thought I developed super strength-and even asked Stark to do some tests on me, but apparently you just happened to forget to mention and explain why the fuck doors are falling off their hinges!"

Losing sleep with Bucky. He tends to have very frequent and graphic nightmares which leads to various panic attacks and the inability to sleep, and you're more than happy to stay up with him and comfort him. Sometimes you’d talk while he listened and watched the way your lips moved or the way the pony tail you had gone to bed with loosened and hundreds of strands escaped the grasp of the hair band or the way a yawn would escape your lips and your hand would momentarily rise to cover your mouth but get lazy halfway, other times you’d lay in each other’s arms in complete silence while you traced patterns on his chest and trail kisses across his skin.

You being his anchor. You holding him tightly and assuring him that he’s okay, that you're here, that you're real, that he’s out, that he’s safe, and many other tender 3-worded sentences uttered over and over again like a mantra until he’s murmuring them back into your chest. 

Sometimes, when he has really bad nightmares and panic attacks you grab his notebook and start reading the memories out loud while you lay his head on your lap and run your hand through his hair in a calming manner until he calms down. It soon becomes a regular thing where you read him a memory before he goes to bed like a bedtime story.

Bucky Barnes is a man who was tortured and tormented for years, a man whose life was ripped right from his very arms along with his very own arm, a man who has gone through a long and unforgettable journey where he has learned to cope, grow, accept, and embrace himself and now he’s made it his mission to encourage and help others to do the same, whether they're struggling with their sexuality, amputation, mental illness, gender, or general self-acceptance.

You educated him about women’s rights because things are a lot different then in the 1940s; women are no longer obligated to get married, cater to a man’s every whim, have children, and other traditional gender roles. At first, Bucky’s very confused and doesn't understand why feminism is so important-I mean, lets face it, Bucky was raised in a traditional society and was later on manipulated to being a bloodthirsty assassin and now suddenly, he can think on his own and his life has turned completely upside down from thinking his own thoughts without HYDRA around to thinking past social constructs and norms so its normal for him to be a bit weary. However, you're there to explain thoroughly about how unjust society still is and how women may have won a few battles but still have a war to fight in a society where they are hyper-sexualized, mistreated, and controlled, and Bucky immediately thinks of Peggy Carter and how the men used to catcall her, how they raked her body with inappropriate stares, how she was ignored and seen as a pretty face, and then he finally understands. 

Dozens of articles about mysterious beatings of assaulters around New York.

His metal arm is decorated with dozens of pins, magnets, and stickers of all the movements he supports. Oh man, you should see him during Women’s marches and Pride fairs, considering all the black he usually wears seeing him dressed in bright colors or a pink shirt that says ‘On Wednesdays, we destroy the patriarchy’. It’s a sight that truly belongs in the history books.

Bucky breaking hold of the toxic masculinity he was subjected to in the 1940s and advocating for men to be able to display their God-given emotions freely, to not feel obligated to put on a tough guy front, to telling boys its okay to cry, to feel, to act, to wear, and to be whomever they please to be. 

Bucky visiting youth centers and giving advice and support to the kids there. Every kid he meets reminds him of Steve, whether its in their stubbornness, taste for trouble, lostness, or the glimmer of potential he sees in every single one of them. He remembers every single name of the teenager he meets and later on, uses them as a mantra whenever he’s undergoing a panic or anxiety attack as well as use SHIELD’s equipment to check up on them every once in a while.

Bucky going to children’s hospitals every week to cheer up the little kids there. He ends up being quite the inspiration and their ‘Favorite Superhero’ for the kids with amputations there and they end up being one of the very few people who are allowed to touch his metal arm. Something about the way their eyes shine with hope and their hands melt at the feeling of the metal warms his heart and his insecurities.

[bleachbleachbleach]

HELLO.

I just wanted to say that I love, love, love your tags on that character/tool post a lot! Some of my favorite shows/books involve characters that can't keep it together and just barely make it to the end of the story or make it there in an "inconvenient way" and tbh I find that usually the narratives that follow these characters don't really work away from them either--the narrative is just usually more questioning instead of fully formed.

Like, 'what if/how would', y'know? There's less of a clear meaning and more just 'what if they hadn't done that. what if they had done that. what if all that meant nothing. what if that struggle was all there was'.

But oh boy, when they DO work away from the narrative. *chefs kiss*

I mean, most of my favorite Bleach characters are narrative nightmares who either hinder or cut off lines of theme in the story entirely. And, in general, I think there are A LOT of characters in shonen--a genre known for very long narratives that can't possibly complete every thought but also can't just abandon all those characters introduced ESPECIALLY the fan favorites or personal favorites--work in the way you described.

Tbh i think your tags really highlight why so many ppl get drawn to these characters/why they're so fun to play with in fanfiction.

If you have more to add or more thoughts about this you want to lay down I am here, eagerly awaiting and ready to pick them up.

Also, who do you think in Bleach is the most fun characters who sort of drop kicked the story, in your opinion? Who's the one you like the most? And who's the one you dislike the most?

[For posterity the referenced post is this one.]

Aww, thank you! That’s really lovely to hear. I was anxious about even putting it in tags because I don’t think I presently have the capacity to explain it well—and even if I did might still sound bananas to many. Or at least the bit about negotiating with characters and how *they* feel about being subjects in stories. Because as much as that really is my practice saying it out loud takes me back to like… FFN in 2003 where every store was prefaced by extensive chat-form back-and-forths between the fic author and their character "musies" and that is not something I think fandom would benefit from bringing back in force, hahaha. But anyway.

Here’s the part where I disappoint because I don’t think I actually know Bleach well enough to speak to it in this context. WHICH SOUNDS DUMB EVEN AS I TYPE IT BECAUSE LOL WTF IS THE NAME OF THIS BLOG WE ARE CHARLATANS AND POSERS FOR CLAIMING AS OUR NAMESAKE NOT ONE BLEACH BUT THREE BLEACHES but truly, my experience of Bleach has a shallow depth of field. I feel like I have weirdly intimate knowledge of some severe rabbit holes but a non-existent to uneasy sense of the gestalt.

Like idek man, in my "slow re-read where I am actually paying attention" Ichigo hasn’t even met Byakuya and Renji yet. ToT

I'm gonna put this behind a cut because it spidered all over the place, but in summary:

characters and their capacity to produce narrative failure

the charm of longform serialized series and their invitations to imagine stuff

me attempting to talk about Hitsugaya and feeling a fool, as usual

I guess in general terms, I’m really interested in characters and their capacity to produce narrative failure. Not failure as in 'bad' but failure as in things that break form or are circuitous or are actively detrimental to a narrative arc. All my strongest examples of what I’m thinking of are from a different fandom and therefore not relevant to this blog, alas. By comparison I think anyone in Bleach can keep it together better than the characters that are immediately coming to mind, lol. But I think this idea dovetails often with trauma narratives, or depression narratives, because these things are often… non-narrative? Like, there’s no fourth or fifth for minor fall or major lift. Sometimes it’s the same thing over and over again, or maybe nothing. Maybe it’s the exact same self-sabotage narrative dictates could have been avoided. Maybe it’s some act that emanates forth but cannot be explained because it cannot be explained and will never be explained. That’s a version of what I’m talking about, in any case, though not the only version.

Your note about longform shounen definitely resonates with me, too. In my mind I don’t like long things and I prefer series that are more self-contained but whenever I have ever landed in a long-term fandom, with a piece of media I felt obliged to carve out chunks of my life for, and to interact with at that level of creative fannishness, it’s always been something stupid long and serialized by the seat of its pants. I know plot holes or dropped threads bother a lot of people (makes total sense, don’t get me wrong) but I find these things incredibly attractive. I see them as invitations to join in the fun. Especially when it’s so much a part of the form and genre to have this, as you said, lack of real expectation that every thread will be followed to its conclusion (or that it would be worthwhile to do so) and every thought completed.

There’s this piece by David Grann that was published in The New Yorker in 2004 that I really love that speaks to part of this idea, albeit in terms of fictional universes versus fictional characters. But Grann is talking about Sherlock Holmes (Doyle original) and the ways that Sherlockians would like, approach apparent lapses in narrative and then solve them according to the established rules of the universe. I just love that. There’s also the line, "Never had so much been written by so many for so few," which LOL if that ain’t fandom I don’t know what is!!

I feel like I’m actually talking about three distinct but related facets of these thoughts in this post, except all at once and without clear transition, uhhhhh.

Gah, I am broken and now can ONLY think of examples from my not-Bleach fandom, but to try a different tack and add yet another facet to this already funhouse-mirror post, my various attempts to write Hitsugaya often feel like they come up against a version of this. I think Hitsugaya has aggressive side character energy, and I find it difficult to make him the center of a story and have it feel right to me. He feels different to me than writing other minor characters, where they can be the center of their own stories even if their story is not the main story. Like, two of my fave characters in my other fandom have literally like… three lines in 350+ episodes and it feels easier to imagine THEM at the center of their story and I think what it comes down to is that Hitsugaya probably prefers what he not be written. And when he does become more narrative I think he’d prefer that none of it was happening in the fist place. But at the same time he always seems to be…around??? whether there is really a good reason for him to be present or not. XD So while, say, he and Bartleby "would prefer not to" (because THAT'S what this post needs, a Melville reference), Bartleby actually opts out and Hitsugaya out here volunteering.

He also often feels non-narrative to me because he feels very declarative, if that makes sense? Like, the coming-to-decisions or coming-to-realizations parts of existence happen pretty quick, or are approached perfunctorily. I feel like I find narrative in the "coming" part of that equation and instead Hitsugaya will be like, well, I’ve already done that part without you, and/or plan to do that part in the future and it will still be without you, the audience. Anyway, here’s the determination I’ve made, here’s what I’m going to do, and here begins the long and probably tedious process of my doing that thing (off 2 go train in a cave for a bit). I don’t think he actually believes the world is that simple, Tab A into Slot B, but I do think he’s already made that assessment and can see coming to terms with that as a horizon, if that makes sense. So even if he doesn’t know the answer to something, or is completely at a loss of what to do (what to say to Hinamori? how to productively address the number Aizen’s done on him) there’s still not necessarily a story there. Maybe the answer is you grind, and it is repetitive and boring. Maybe you just hold things. There’s not even the act of learning how to hold things, necessarily, just the practice of doing so.

Wow, that probably doesn’t sound good! I feel like I need to suffix this with the assurance that Hitsugaya is my absolute runaway character in the whole series and this was true 15 years ago and it is still true now (truer, even) and everything I just said are reasons why I love him.

[tsuki-chibi]

Hey there. I have kind of a personal question of you don't mind me asking. How did you know you were aromantic? Im pretty young (18 this may). I think I'm aro, but I'm not sure. I have very little interest in a romantic relationship at all, and out of the times I've been on a date, or been asked out, it's made me super uncomfortable. Thanks so much!!

Firstly, let me just say I understand where you’re coming from. It’s really, really hard to quantify something that may or may not exist. You are not alone in your struggle to figure things out.

Now, on to your question... my timeline is a little murky because my memory is shit. I figured out I was asexual first, then I figured out I was childfree, and then I figured out I was aromantic. This all happened in my early to late twenties (it was definitely an interesting few years). I have never had any interest in dating. When I was in high school, I never had crushes. I never dated. No one ever flirted with me (that I’m aware of). But honestly, I chalked a lot of this up to be a fat, unattractive bitch who was obsessed with anime, didn’t sleep enough, and hated the world in general.

Spoiler: exactly none of those things have changed!

Anyway, as the years went by, I realized that something was up. That’s right about when I stumbled across the term asexual. It immediately made sense to me. But obviously that didn’t explain the whole story, since many asexual people still date and fall in love. I believe it was tumblr that first introduced me to the concept of aromanticism. It clicked immediately and just made a lot of sense to me. Accepting that I was asexual was easy. Accepting that I was aromantic was harder, because it meant that - for me, at least - I would never have a partner. I believe I’ve somewhat come to terms with that now.

Being uncomfortable when someone asks you out could happen for a variety of reasons and doesn’t necessarily mean you’re aromantic. It could just be that you’re not that interested in dating! And similarly, plenty of aromantic people have partners and enjoy dating. So being interested in a romantic relationship doesn’t necessarily mean you’re aromantic.

The only real “quantifier” is whether or not you experience romantic attraction. Do you get crushes? Do you fall in love? If the answer is no, then you may be aromantic. If the answer is that you’re not sure, then good news!

You get to decide what label you want to use for yourself. You may decide that you’re aromantic, or grey-aromantic, lithromantic, or WTFromantic/Quoiromantic. No one can tell you that you’re not allowed to use a label. It’s 100% your decision.

And remember, sexuality can be fluid or static. Some people change and others won’t. It’s okay to pick a label today and then decide that next week or next month or five years down the road, that label no longer fits you. There are no label police. You don’t have to pick a label at all if you don’t want to! They’re there for you to use if you need/want them.

[asexualzoro]

Hey I'm anon because I don't have an anon, long story, but anyway, I've been thinking that I may be asexual because I don't really like sex. But I guess I'm not sure. I'm in a very committed relationship with an amazing girl. I also am female. I worry that letting her know I'm asexual will make her think I'm not attracted to her. She suffers from low self-esteem and often thinks she isn't beautiful or sexy when I don't want to have sex but I love her so much (too long)

anon i’m gonna say this first before i say anything else but. i am not dating anyone and i have never dated anyone, so while you’re free to take my advice, you may want to seek a second opinion bc i can’t promise it’s completely solid

uhh. for you not being sure whether or not you’re asexual. asexuality isn’t really not wanting to have sex—that’s low sex drive—asexuality is not feeling sexual attraction. i don’t have either, and it’s common for ace people to not have either. if you want i more clear definition of the difference, check blogs like @fuckyeahasexual to have the difference explained, bc it’s 1am here and i cannot for the life of me recall the difference rn. (i’ve never felt either bear with me)

but as for your relationship, i think you should just... tell her? tell her everything you just told me. tell her that you find her attractive, but sex just doesn’t interest you in general. it has nothing to do with her, you’d feel that way no matter who you were dating. tell her she’s beautiful, and if you feel so inclined tell her in detail things you like about her, or smth. tell her all that you said about her being amazing, about wanting to spend your lives together, and tell her that you don’t know that you want to have sex.

i’m sex repulsed, too, and how and when to tell my future partner that sex is off the table for me is something i’ve wondered for a long time. however i do know that you must tell her, because you must communicate for any healthy relationship. tell her your love her and she’s gorgeous and your ability to feel attraction has nothing to do with how wonderful she is, that’s just you. tell her that you want to make things work with your feelings. open and honest communication is important, and you won’t be able to spend the rest of your life with her jf you don’t tell her eventually. be honest and be kind and be ready to talk.

and i believe in you, i’m rooting for you two!

i also advise... read other asexuality advice places bc, again, i’ve never dated anyone, so you can maybe try and find exactly how to explain what you’re feeling and how it’s not her fault. i dunno.

you don’t have to explain everything today. for example you could talk about asexuality and try to be sure she understands it before you tell her you’re asexual? but you do need to tell her eventually.

and... i’m sorry if it doesn’t work out, because it might not. even if you’re open and honest and you tell her how much you love her and she’s understanding... different sex drives can make people unhappy in a relationship, and unfortunately i can’t change that reality. but if you both love each other and want to make it work, i think you should at least try.

....this is rambling but it’s fuckin. 1am here. i’m gonna stop here. i wish you luck and i hope you both find happiness. good luck

[nonokoko13]

Could you give me more information regarding the mentions LGBT-phobic and ableism rep in the series? I didn't watch the anime so maybe I lack data for the bigger picture. I know the ultimate boxer was gay but I don't much about it and I want to know if something on the series passed through my mind without noticing it.

And while we are at it, would you mind to explain the problem that the franchise had with the fridging of female characters and sexism? Because as much I'm aware of it and I believe it's pretty obvious to see it idk how to explain it/put it in a coherent speech myself. Plus, I already read your post about colorism and I think you're better at making criticism

Edit: Now that I think about it I can see something related to LGBT+ that you may be referring to.

There's Tenko, heavily implied she's into girls and I think pretty clear attracted to Himiko, being irrationally misandristic and prejudicial to men, thinking all of them are degenerated or have bad intentions, to the point that "hating all men" is her most recognizable "trait". She's also incredibly hypocritical because she accuses all men to be perverts while having this face and slightly perverted thoughts of Himiko.

That said, she can be respectful to them and is supportive/acceptable of trans people so that's something. And she has been shown to be awfully naive and gullible, specially believing everything she's told if it comes from someone she trusts, but still.

Good "representation" I can think may be Kiyotaka and Mondo, since Kiyotaka didn't show any interest in girls and their relationship can be interpreted as romantic or starting to develop feelings for each other. However, even if there are a popular ship with solid scenes to prove they might be into each other is not confirmed. And because it's up to interpretation you cannot tell people who think their relationship is purely platonic that it isn't, because the creator didn't state it. Furthermore, Tenko was a character more direct in that aspect, since you could see her being flustered whenever a girl complimented her or seeing her having perverted thoughts and such, while Ishimondo is more shown as a or best bros thing. Their development was cut off the moment they died so we can't know for sure where it was heading

Talking about I want to address that even if everyone have the right to think their relationship was romantic oriented we shouldn't dismiss platonic connections as less. Whether it's platonic or not, whether some think they are gay or not, their bond is valid anyway and I personally think they can work both as a ship and/or BROTP

Then there's the headcanon that Chihiro is trans, which given the backstory could work...but canonically not really. Chihiro isn't a AMAB who desired to be a girl because he wanted to, he had a feminine appearance + not strength enough to defend himself; so to avoid being bullied he gave in the social gender norms ("if you look feminine you probably are a girl" mindset) and disguised himself as a girl, only to regret it and live unhappy about it.

He didn't truly identify as a girl, he did it for self-defense and up until one of his interactions with Tenko in the summer videogame he didn't state he was confused about his gender identity (and even in that conversation he didn't confirmed he was thinking in changing his pronouns/gender, only that he wasn't very sure about who he was, but wanted to get stronger anyway. If I recall it correctly). And the spin off games where the three generations coexist are more like a "what if" or AU, so idk to what extent we can rely on the information given in them as loyal to the canon timeline.

(I'm not saying you can't headcanon Chihiro as trans/nb❗❗only that stating he's canonically trans because of his background isn't true. It's okay to imagine lore about your favourite series but headcanon≠canon/original story, so neither I or anyone can't force somebody to believe in what we want to)

That leaves Teruteru, the only character in the games that I remember rn who can be considered a member of the LGBT+ collective because he has openly display a liking to boys and girls in both the games and anime. But given his behavior and the sexual harassment he does he may fall into the harmful stereotype that bisexuals (or people whith an orientation that fits into the attraction to anyone regardless of gender) are degenerated pervs. I don't think it was intentional and not everyone might see it that way (because you can make a character who is a bad person regardless of their gender identity/orientation), but it doesn't help they write him leaning more in this fact that any other trait he has so he's justifiable disliked by most part of the fandom. Which in my opinion was a potential wasted character, but that's just a writer issue thing

And that's all the characters who might be lgbt coded or has scenes that can be used to support it that I can think of. I can't talk about how they handled the ultimate boxer's orientation because I don't know much about it, but from what I heard I'm afraid it wasn't very good, at least for some fans. Feel free to discuss or disagree about anything y'all!

“The Danganronpa franchise is a cool series that can be enjoyed because of its unique and creative casts of characters, elaborate mysteries and complicated themes of morality and individualism” and “The Danganronpa franchise is a problematic series that shouldn’t be celebrated because of it’s sexist undertones, fanservice and sexualization of teenage girls, colorism, ableism, LGBT-phobic representation, casual portrayals of incest and fridging of female characters” are two statements that can and should coexist.