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megplant · 1 year

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Killshot

Tangerine x F!Reader

Summary: Rival assassins! You run into Tangerine at the tail-end of a job gone wrong. Wordcount: 1.5k Warnings: blood, violence, language, sexual suggestions (no smut, at least not yet), choking

A/N: I don't know if this is a one-shot or possibility of a bigger story, but I couldn't get this scene out of my head and I knew it would be fun to write! I LOVE rival assassin Tangerine fics, but I really wanted to feel like they would actually kill each other and kind of highlight the unhealthiness of what a 'situationship' in that world might actually look like. Basically if you shipped Obi-Wan/Ventress back in the day, you know the vibes.

Recommended listening: Killshot by Magdalena Bay, I WANNA BE YOUR SLAVE by Maneskin

Read Pt. 2 - here

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An explosion runs into your jaw. Or, at least, it feels that way for the split second before your vision goes black from the impact and careens back to reality as your head is slammed against the wall behind you.

Fuzzy black edges are creeping in around the periphery of your vision as you struggle to catch your breath. Some hair from your updo has given up staying in place and falls into your face. You blink a few times to clear your vision and catch the glint of brass on the knuckles that are swinging toward your face.

Of fucking course, he’s here. There’s enough blood pooled in your mouth from that hit that it takes minimal effort to expel a bloody gob of spit into his face. He stops short of a follow-up punch and pins his arm against your chest to hold you in place instead.

“Tangerine!” You exclaim, sounding just like you were so pleased to run into an old friend at the supermarket. “Fancy seeing you here!”

To his credit, he didn’t flinch, but he looks pissed. He wastes no pleasantries, his hand shooting out to grab your free wrist and pinning it back against the wall. “Looking for something?”

The knife you had been reaching for in your thigh holster gleams menacingly in his hand. He spins it around on the butterfly axis, holding the blade against your throat. You’re annoyed he knows your playbook so well, but you chuckle anyway, amused.

You give up the pretense of fighting back, opting to roll your body against his - bringing your hips flush together as you arch your neck away from the knife. You let out a breathy whimper - merely catching your breath, of course -

You don’t miss the way he swallows, the way his eyes darken in a flash, that little tic between his eyebrows that jumps when he gets riled up. His grip tightens, and you know there will be a bracelet of bruises on your wrist from the crushing pressure. It’s just too easy.

“You look like a right tart in that get-up, love - didya lose a bet?” He looks you up and down, taking the moment to pretend to think. “Or…you must be here to honeypot that jackass upstairs, hmm? Musta been too difficult for you to get to him directly, I suppose.”

Your amused expression drops - he’s insulting your skills and your outfit, cheap shots. He must be having a bad night, too.

You keep your bodies flush together as you lean in close, ignoring the slicing sting of the blade as it presses against your neck. You lick your lips, take a breath, taking all the time in the world as if you’re about to tell him just what he most wants to hear. You can feel the held breath, feel his grip loosen a fraction on the knife, and you smile as you whisper -

“Where’s Lemon?”

His eyes dart up to the ceiling for a split second and you grin, all sharp teeth. It’s the opening you wanted.

You slam your knee up into his groin with all of your strength. There’s a satisfying crunch of connection and his grip on you slackens as he groans loudly. You’re already inside his space, and it’s easy work to break his hold on your knife and to slash out at the arm boxing you in.

“Fuckin’ Christ!” Tangerine exclaims, eyes screwed up in pain even as he’s still valiantly trying to hold you off and keep you pinned.

Your wild slashing manages to cut across his arm, the blood arcing out across his shirt and your face and he roars, surging forward and pinning you to the wall by the throat. He slams your arm against the wall as hard as he can and the blade drops as you can’t hold your grip. If the crunch you felt in your wrist is any indication, something’s broken.

“Where is Lemon?!” He roars at you at the top of his lungs, spit flying and mingling with the blood and sweat smearing across his face. His hair is a riot of curls, and his chest is heaving with the effort he’s exerting to hold you in place.

His grip is iron-vice and you feel the hammer of your heart in your throat, the slam of it against your ribcage. Your breath flutters in his fist and the dark spots are reappearing at the edges of your vision. You are regretting using Lemon to get a reaction, in hindsight.

Your feet slide against the wall as you struggle, your hands coming up try to pry his grip loose by any fraction of an inch that you can. It’s like trying to move stone. But you knew, you only needed to buy some time. You manage to crack a smile, spluttering out a regretful chuckle as you realize-

“Upstairs, I bet.”

There’s a loud boom from above you both, the ceiling and walls shaking before the lights in the hallway immediately cut off. You take his moment of shock to make a final effort to free yourself and dig your nails into the slash you’d made across his arm a minute ago. He roars through clenched teeth as he tries to bear it and keep choking you but you rake your acrylics through his wound and he yells and hurls you down the hallway.

You fall several feet back, slumped across the floor, wheezing and coughing. You glance back to see Tangerine lumbering towards you, the look in his eyes absolutely crazed. You have really pissed him the fuck off, this time, you think as you try to scramble backwards.

You both freeze, though, hearing shouts coming from all directions now, mixing with the blaring of the fire alarm. You and Tangerine look at each other in the dark hallway for a charged heartbeat.

“That was supposed to be my escape distraction.” You manage to croak out the admonishment, taking the moment of respite to awkwardly clamber to your feet. You hold your broken wrist to your chest and tilt your head toward the far window - where you had originally been running when somebody clotheslined you into a wall.

You step over to the window, noting that Tangerine has swapped his brass knuckles for his gun. You roll your eyes, sliding the window open to reveal a rope ladder already tied to the sill and hanging down. “Hurry the fuck up, you absolute prick.” You hiss at him in a hoarse whisper, already swinging a leg out and over the windowsill.

He closes the distance between you two in a second, grabbing onto your hurt wrist and squeezing. You freeze with a gasp, glaring into his eyes. You have never seen him like this. He holds the mouth of the gun to your temple, unwavering.

“If Lemon was hurt in that explosion-” His voice is steady and slow. Scarier, even, than when he roars and raves at you. “-You will regret it.”

“Relax, Tan.” You match his tempo, keeping the same unflinching energy even with a gun to your head. “It was just a little thing to knock out the power - even if Lemon was in the same room when it went off, he’d barely notice. I didn’t know it was Lemon following me, I could’ve left him some guards to kill.”

Tangerine growls in response, only half-satisfied with your answer. You know he won’t calm fully until he can see Lemon for himself. You lick your lips, decide to try your luck.

“I am sorry - it’s just business, you know that.” Your head tilts in toward his and you feel the barrel of the gun move away from your temple. Your eyes close in relief and anticipation, waiting for Tangerine’s lips to brush yours.

You feel the steel of the gun push into your side and Tangerine mutters next to your lips. “Get us outta here, love, and I won’t kill you. That’s business.”

Your eyes open to stare into his, though neither of you move an inch. Your options are few, and none of them are very good. This job was done, and as long as you don’t get caught, you can get paid. But to not get caught now, you need the Twins. You must have stolen this contract from under them, so they’ll want the money. There was no way to escape with all the money, and live.

You break the moment by leaning all the way in, and planting a chaste kiss on his bloody, sweaty cheek. “Let’s go, we’ll pick up Lemon on the way.”

You give him a cheeky grin, and he lets you go with narrowed eyes and a distrustful expression. You slip down the rope ladder with your one good arm, scanning each floor of windows while descending for familiar blonde curls.

#tangerine #tangerine bullet train #bullet train #bullet train tangerine #bullet train 2022 #tangerine fic #tangerine x reader #tangerine x fem!reader #mine #killshot #mineWriting #I hope you guys like it!!! Let me know if you think I could do a whole story in this verse!#mineTangerine #mineFic

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shiroganeryo · 4 months

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Hi there. So don't mind me, I was going through your dazatsu art a while ago (both you and your husband I think?) and also saw some of the captions. You said you two met when you were cosplaying dazatsu? I don't mean to sound stalkerish so please feel free to ignore me, but that is about the sweetest thing I have ever heard😭❤️ I would like to draw one of your cosplays as our favorite couple. You could send me a picture you like- paint over your faces if you don't feel comfortable or-

And again and I emphasize, feel free to straight up reject this or ignore it, because I know it's odd. Just wanted you to know how you warm my heart, and I love your artwork as well<3

Have a nice day or night

Hello there! First of all, don't worry about "sounding stalkerish", it's very sweet of you to drop by just to let me (and by extension, us) know about your thoughts! 😊 The thing is, it's not that we met when we were cosplaying; perhaps me saying we weren't a couple yet gave that impression, but since you asked, I might as well tell you the full story?

You may want to sit, it's a little long (though I'll do my best to be brief) 😅

We already knew each other, we had been acquaintances for a long while, actually! We met when we were 14/13 or so (we're 31/29 now, I'm the older one). We weren't really that close, but we were on friendly terms and all that.

I'll skip the very personal bits which includes (but is not limited to) us getting closer to each other and stupidly pining mutually, but the sequence of events that led to it is one (!) of the reasons why I tend to say we're a "dazatsucore" couple. Because:

He was into me > I noticed on the spot, and did nothing > I was into him > he didn't know because I hid the fact > leads to him blurting out a confession thinking he'd be turned down > I do not turn him down but ask for some time to think things through because I want to be sure of my feelings first > not too long after I have an answer.

By the way, everything I'm saying gets even better (and funnier) when you consider I'm the "Dazai" one, while he's the "Atsushi" in this.

Anyways, about the cosplay shenanigans you inquired about; back when we were getting closer to each other (2016ish), I had become interested in BSD but knew nothing about it; I knew he had watched it, asked what were his thoughts on it, he said it was nice, recommended it, etc. He then commented that he planned to cosplay Atsushi, showed me the character and shared his cosplay plans.

I had only watched the opening so far (the thing that led me to ask him if the anime was good), and Dazai was the one who had caught my eye the most, so I said, very offhandedly, that 'hey, I'd be down to go with you to the con, I do entertain the idea of cosplaying Dazai'.

He was like 'woah, really?! That would be so fun!' but also got extremely nervous on the spot. I obviously noticed. You see, my spouse isn't really the type of person who can hide his feelings very well + I'm good at reading through people. We've always been a funny match in that regard, ngl.

From a quick Google search I did to gather references for the outfit, I could tell the two characters were a somewhat popular pairing, so I made 2+2, I also already knew he had a crush on me and just did nothing about it, like I explained above. So he had gotten nervous that people could mistake us for a couple because the two characters are (were? sadly) a popular pairing.

Which I did know... And again, did nothing about because while my suggestion to cosplay together was sincere, having no intentions of manipulating him or anything, that did work in my favor as well so two birds, one stone.

In the meantime, what I told you above happened and we started dating. And, for obvious reasons, we decided to go ahead with the cosplay plans 😌 I've never posted a clear picture showing our faces because we're not the best photographers out there, but here's one of the least terrible ones:

The icing on the cake, that doesn't have much to do with us, but is still something we remember about fondly: we're Brazilian, and Brazil is a very big country. The anime con we were going to attend was the biggest in our country but also some good hours away (a 9 hour travel away to the capital, to be more precise), so we took a bus ride with some people headed there as well. It's common for people to make these "con attendees" group rides and they're always really fun experiences + very cost efficient.

One of the people we befriended on the ride was this girl who, coincidentally, was cosplaying as Chuuya. Since we're a queer couple (nb sapphics who go by he/him pronouns) we didn't know what amount of gay was okay in public, but this one girl knew we were a couple, 100% sure of it and it was genuinely beyond funny seeing her and her friends waiting on us to just do something, anything, that gave the answer away.

We kissed like... once, when they were nearby, and the reactions were priceless, ngl. The euphoric I KNEW IT faces.

Back then we weren't married yet, so no telling rings or anything, but this Chuuya had gotten the vibes somehow. When I asked her how she knew before we even did anything, she said, just like this: 'it's the way you look at each other 🥺'.

I need you to imagine Chuuya Nakahara saying this, with this expression. Makes it all 20x funnier. Also the reason why I usually write him as a wingman/enabler in my fics.

Oh, and about the "he had no idea I knew all along", I did tell him... last year 😂 We were reminiscing about things and he went on a tangent saying something along the lines of 'I feel kinda bad because it was selfish of me but I liked the idea of us being seen as a couple back then so I didn't tell you the characters were a popular ship'.

To which I replied: 'Oh, I knew, don't worry.'

Cue shocked Pikachu meme for my spouse's reaction. I then explained that I was fully aware of everything all along, and he was like 'thank GOD you decided to play along then because I had no idea how to charm anyone' 😂

It feels good to put our silly story out there, I had told this story only to one person in the fandom so far (I won't tag her, but Katsu can confirm we're two dumbasses in love) because I don't usually talk about personal stuff publicly like this unless on a whim but also because, like I said, it's a very long story even with skipped parts.

I hope this was fun to read, at least? 😅

As for what you asked about drawing us, I'll apologize, but neither of us understood exactly what you want to do. If you could elaborate more on it, we'd be grateful and could give a proper response! All in all, thank you for sending the ask, it was really lovely of you to stop by just to say that! 😊

#I'll need to tag the ship because of the cosplay picture inside the read more #but feel free to ignore all the babbling if you came here just for the ship tag #dazatsu #dazushi #cosplay #+ personal story because why not #but there's only so much exposition I can take at once so I'll probably be thinking about this for a while #please be nice to me I get antsy whenever I overshare but the world must know why we call ourselves dazatsucore #and also why this ship means so much to the two of us (besides being a really wholesome ship ofc!)#ask

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angelsmist · 2 years

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UNEXPECTED CIRCUMSTANCES 2 - HBCU!SHURI X READER

prompt: a leak in your residence hall calls for unexpected pairings…

contains: shuri x fem!reader, cursing

disclaimers - this is not my idea!! all credits to @vargskelegore for hbcu shuri. it is an amazing idea. however, the storyline is mine. also, i would prefer if only black people read this story, simply because it is a reader insert specifically for us. thank you <3

also, this is a continuous storyline although it’ll consist of one-shots. it will have the same characters and plot overall. you can see all the parts so far on my master list!

this is the last part of the roommate dorms storyline but the hbcu storyline with the same characters and background will still go on! also i’d like to add my requests are open and feel free to drop something in there!

this is not proofread because a sister is TIREDDDD and stressed out…just comment if there are errors or some weird bs i forgot to take out 😭

“Jesus. I didn’t know the campus even had dorms this big,” You spoke in awe, entering Shuri’s dorm.

It looked something like you thought it would. Most of it was decorated like a bedroom that would be in a palace, but with a touch of African-American culture. You couldn’t help but smile when you saw a few pictures of music artists that you had introduced to Shuri hung up in her room.

A breathy chuckle came from Shuri’s lips as she dropped her keys onto the table next to the door. She laughed again when she heard you gasp after your eyes locked with the view Shuri got every night from her balcony. You could see the beautifully lit up city of Atlanta through the glass.

Once your brain had fully processed the room, you looked to Shuri who had moved up to be alongside you. You quirked an eyebrow. “What happened to being treated like a normal student?”

She tilted her head at you with a small grin playing at her lips. “I cannot decline every perk.”

“Fair.”

Shuri walked past you, going towards her dresser and picking out clothes. Once she did so, she turned to you. “You can unpack your stuff while I shower. I can take the couch.”

She had already began to walk towards the restroom, but you quickly grabbed her bicep to stop her. “Uh, no. I’m not about to make you sleep on the couch in your own dorm. I’m fine on the couch.”

“And I’m not going to make my guest sleep on the couch,” She quipped, her tone less playful than earlier.

“Shuri, it’s fine. I’m serious,” You reassured her. “I love couches. I usually fall asleep on them, anyways. You’d be doing me a favor.”

“(Name), you-”

“I don’t care,” You interrupted her before she could even form a proper sentence. “You take the bed, and if you try to take the couch, I’ll sleep on the floor to make you feel worse.”

You removed your hand from Shuri’s bicep after speaking, waiting to see what she’d say.

Shuri pointed a finger at you, narrowing her eyes and grinning in defeat. “Oh, you’re good. You are good.”

You shrugged innocently. “I know.”

Once Shuri had entered the bathroom and locked it, you took the chance to look around the room. Not in a creepy way, but you were a bit curious to see what things she had used to set up her room.

There were a few things in Shuri’s room that were no doubt put there to remind her of her home in Wakanda. You recognized a few of these things to be vibranium which slightly caught you off guard because of the fact that she had them out in the open like that.

On one of the sides of her bed, she had a few records laid messily on it. A lot of it was music that you had recommended to her or music she had listened to when you two would share airpods in class.

After looking around a bit, you began to set up your blanket and pillow on the oddly big couch. Once you had finished that, you pulled out a random pair of shorts and a baggy shirt from your bag.

Shuri came out of the bathroom barely two minutes later, and to say that you were left speechless would’ve been an understatement.

She wore a black tank top with blue and green plaid pajama pants that drove you crazy. The wet curls that covered the top of her face was just the icing on her cake.

You couldn’t tell if Shuri knew that you had been staring at her for a while when her gaze finally locked with yours. You had a small feeling that she felt your eyes burning into her body judging by the smug grin she held on her face.

You were first to break the silence. “I’m…I’m gonna go shower now.”

You could honestly get used to this.

She had the type of bathroom the average college student would dream of. Although it was connected, presumably with the dorm next to hers, it was still very spacious and made you feel more refreshed than you’ve felt in a while.

Needless to say, it was definitely a step-up from the bathroom you used in your hall.

When you exited the bathroom and entered the bedroom, you were a bit surprised to see Shuri awake. You had been in there for a while.

“Oh, you’re awake?”

“Yeah, I wanted to wait on you,” Shuri informed, leaning onto her headboard.

“I’m sorry I kept you waiting, then,” You apologized as you made your way over to the couch to put your towel next to your suitcase. “Long dance practices usually call for longer showers.”

“It’s fine,” Shuri reassured her, waving a dismissive hand. “I’ve been listening to music.”

You paused for a second, letting the music flow through your ears. “Tiwa Savage?”

“You know your Afro-beats,” She observed, a proud beam on her face.

“Well, duh,” You mirrored her expression. It quickly faded when you looked over at the couch and realized everything you had used to set up a bed was gone. You knew it was Shuri’s doing, seeing as she was the only other person in the room. When you looked back over to you, the beam on her face soon became one of innocence with a hint of guilt under it.

“Shuri…”

“Oops,” She shrugged her shoulders. “I must have misplaced your stuff while tidying my room. “Guess you have no choice but to take the bed.”

You held up a finger at Shuri, doing the same thing she had done before she went to shower. “Oh, you’re good.”

She picked up on your reference. “I know.”

On the opposite side of the bed, your bonnet was laid out on the nightstand. You looked to your side to meet Shuri’s eyes. “You sure this is okay?”

Of course,” She confirmed. “As long as you don’t move too much in your sleep.”

You moved your head side to side in response, lifting up the blankets on her bed to get underneath them. “Oh, I would never. I don’t play about that.”

You slipped into the bed with ease, knowing that it hadn’t entirely sunk in that you’d be sharing a bed with the princess of Wakanda.

It didn’t help that she looked incredibly attractive at the moment. At least, more than usual.

You flipped off the lamp on your side and grabbed your bonnet, putting it on as you got comfortable. You wanted the night to last longer, considering the fact that your dorm would likely become safe to use again in less than a week, but you were exhausted, and you were sore.

Not to mention, your Tylenol was something that you left in your dorm so you were definitely eager to rest and put the pain on pause.

You had decided to sleep on the side that wasn’t facing Shuri, not because you didn’t wanna see her, but because you were sure you’d start staring like a creep.

It did catch you off guard when you felt a hand drawing circles on your back. It startled you at first, but soon became a soothing touch that you melted into.

Shuri brought her voice to a whisper. “Goodnight, (name).”

“Goodnight,” You muttered, nearly half-asleep. “And Shuri?”

“Hmm?”

“Will I ever be getting my blanket back?”

You could hear her laugh sleepily. “Yeah. You will.”

#shuri x reader #black panther fic #fanfic #shuri udaku #shuri x f!reader #shuri x black!reader #shuri x you #shuri x fem!reader #hbcu!shuri

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lazydoodlesandfanfic · 2 years

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Hanging Criminals Pt 2 (Jason Todd X Brother!Reader) *PLATONIC

Characters: Jason Todd X Male!Reader

Universe: DC, Batman

Warnings: Mention of death and killing

Pt 1

Request: Hey are u willing to do a part 2 of hanging crimenals with the bat fam maybe jason trying too help him or some more angst if u want if not i understand thank u for your works anyway hard too find people who write for male readers on here nowadays

It had been a month since your adoptive father had pulled you from doing patrol and shoved you into intense therapy about your past before your adoption in the Wayne family. Progress was slow, mostly because you didn’t want to be there, but Bruce had managed to find either the most patient or the most persistent therapist in the field, because you still went, and on the days you didn’t want to go in, the therapist came to you. Either that, or Jason would literally drag you there.

You hadn’t expected Jason to be the one most involved in your so called ‘recovery’ since he understood your mindset the best. He didn’t follow the ‘no kill’ rule Bruce had, and the pair didn’t get along on most of the time, but with Bruce pulling you out of patrol, locking away your weapons and suit, literally threatening to break your leg to stop you if you still persisted, the second oldest seemed to realise something. Bruce was scared. He was genuinely terrified about what was happening with you, and was trying his goddamn hardest to stop this now rather than later, and trying to stop you on this destructive path… a little bit like how he had done with Jason when he was younger, but this time taking a lot more action.

He hated to admit it, but he saw the old man’s point of view, and he understood and agreed. Something really had to change, and instead of sitting idly like how he and the others had done previously when Bruce found out you’d hung a criminal again, he was gonna step up, be involved, and snuff this flame that was getting out of hand.

“Y/N, are you ready?” Jason called, knocking on your bedroom door, the keys to one of the cars in his hand, his phone in the other, checking his messages, especially the one that Alfred had sent him with the time you had to be at your session, and the time he recommended he set off with you to ensure you got there in time. Jason chose to bother you to be ready 10 minutes before that set off time since he knew from experience that he would probably have to push and poke at least to get you to go.

Today seemed to be no different. After a few second with no response, Jason hit his fist against the door, and waited a few more seconds, before he tried the door, finding it open and he opened the door, swinging it open. He leant on the doorframe, looking inside, finding you sat on the edge of your bed upright, head slightly tilted down, mostly ignoring the presence of your brother in the doorway. The look in your eye was… hard to read. There was an anger behind them, but accompanied by your slumped shoulders either showed frustration or defeat. He had understood your feelings. He knew you had heard the news.

“He’s gonna kill someone.” You finally spoke up. The person in question was an elusive man you had been practically stalking for weeks prior to Bruce effectively grounding you, and when Bruce had put the others onto your cases, you had tried to get Jason on that specific case, but when Bruce saw that he instead took it upon himself. Surprise surprise, he caught the man in the process of searching for a victim. Bruce dropped him off with the police, but since he had a brother who was high up in law enforcement, he got out scott free last afternoon, all charges dropped. “He’s gonna kill who knows how many people before people realise what he’s doing, and they’re not gonna believe it’s him… so many innocent lives ruined, so many families without answers of who took aware their loved ones, all because no one ultimately stopped him. All because Bruce is too much of a coward.” You spat.

“...I know Y/N. I’m pissed off too. Guess you heard me screaming at him last night about it?” Jason asked, getting a small hum in response. “We’ll figure it out. I’ll keep an eye on him for you off the record, and if I see anything, I’ll put a stop to it.” Jason promised you.

“If you see anything. It is completely possible that he’s already acted. You can’t watch him all the time.” You brushed off. “I’m not going to therapy today.”

“You have to, if you want to do patrols again.”

“You and I both know Bruce has no intentions of letting me patrol again.”

“And I think he’s an idiot for it. He should know by now that fully revoking you from doing a job he himself trained you to do will only make you act out and go against him. I’ve talked to the others about it, and they agree. We’re gonna hound the old man to let you patrol but with one of us to get started again, and if he still says no, I’ve pulled a few strings to get you out of the city for a while,you just have to promise to lay low until we convince him to calm down and actually work with you. But you have to work with us as well.”

You looked up at your brother finally, not saying anything at first, thinking about his offer to you, but ultimately knowing that what he and your other siblings were offering was much better than what your dad was, and that it was far more fair, and far less of a sacrifice for you. “Alright. I’ll behave.”

“Good. Now come on.” Jason pointed his head out of the door, and with far less resistance, you stood and followed him out.

Hope you like it! If you have any questions, please send them in!

*Not my gif

TAGS: @freyathehuntress @theplacewhererobindied @rebellionofthecattle @hello-love-youre-pretty @werosemagic @courtneychicken @graysonmalfoy @bellero @originalpottervengerlock @supernatural-pan @esoltis280 @lady-of-lies @lenaswritingandstuff @macbetheliza @mandywholock1980 @cdwmtjb8 @caswinchester2000 @determinedpines @huntheimpossible @automaticbakeryfreakshoe

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seaweedbraens · 2 months

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oh my god okay so i came across we could walk through hell when like. around when the hazel and frank appeared?? (i dont remmeber which chapter) and ive been saving it up for a looong while and then i finished the whole 10 chapters in a day. i have no words to describe how much i adore this fic. its not a fic anymore—its a whole world. yknow when they say books can take you anywhere or something along those lines? yeah. this was it.

anyway im not here to rant about how good and how lifechanging the fic was. since aug 18 is stilk quite a while away and im very very bad at staying Normal after reading such masterpieces, do you have any fics that partially inspired wcwth/any fics that you just like to recommend? i finished wcwth and read all of the rest of your fics immediately after, so do you have any fic recs?

thank you, anon!!! that means the world to me :)

so what inspired me was actual canon not inspiring me, so i might not be too much help with recs. unfortunately, i haven't read too much pjo fic that's very plotty, but i've heard nothing but good things about son of the sea foam by caffeinatedflumadiddle and works by combattombat. greenconverses is also an absolute legend. my friend @glove23 also recently wrote a royalty au that's got plot and it's soooooooooooooooo good.

the most plot-heavy fics i've read are from miraculous - you can check my bookmarks on ao3 if you wanna find them, but if you're into the show at all i'd 100% recommend reading because they're SO good.

i dont read too much pjo, so if anyone else sees this feel free to drop some recs for anon (and me) in the replies!

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gemsofgreece · 1 year

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Hello! I'm sure you've been asked this a myriad times over and I'm so sorry if I urge you to repeat yourself! but do you have recommendations as to what apps to use for Greek language learning? I've tried out GreekPodcast and Duolingo but I feel like there might be something more well-structured? Any advice? Thank you, lovely blog!

Thank you! I might not be the right person to answer this because I am a big Duolingo fan and I find it very helpful.

In fact, I once checked the Greek course so I could have an opinion on it and I was pleasantly surprised that it reaches a low intermediate level. Honestly, I don’t think you will easily find other apps reaching that level in Greek and certainly not for free. I found it very good so perhaps we approach learning differently and any recs from me might not be suitable.

I have seen some GreekPod stuff and I don’t like it. It feels very 90s learning method. Old school, a bit sterile, for me anyway.

I found a list with recs on the internet though, here it is:

This might help you out. I’d say free Duolingo is probably better than half of the paid ones but that’s just the feel I personally get. Also read the full article for more insight:

You said you want more structure so according to this list Mango Languages might be a good one. I downloaded just to check it out myself a bit and:

I think Mango is the only one which pulls the flex of featuring all three lingual eras! Also I love that they have a temple, a church and a beach for each era. Mango has earned my respect. I will actually keep the app and go with the ancient course which is free too! But I checked it out and I was a little disappointed because it literally starts with the Iliad and I am already reading the Iliad on my own and the course, I don’t know, the very first lesson just dropping you first thing in the Iliad… how can this be effective for someone not knowing Greek beforehand?! Literally, a full blown paragraph of poetry in the first lesson! Maybe chill a bit my dude! This felt more for someone like me, who knows Greek or just wants to improve their Ancient Greek. Also, the course kinda focuses on speaking and I predict I am gonna have a lot of rows with this app which teaches it in Erasmian and it is gonna tell me “you said it wrong!!!1!” and I am gonna scream back “I said it right f* you”. 😂😂😂😂😂 But Koine Greek is fortunately in modern pronunciation which btw is semi-accurate historically, therefore Mango redeems itself and we keep respecting it in this blog. Well, until Duolingo releases a course on Ancient. They already have Latin so there’s no excuse. I am waiting.

……… but to leave aside my meltdown and return to your question, the Modern Greek course starts with “good morning” so I guess it will be more structured if they say so. There you go I guess! Hope I helped 😂

#Greece #Greek #Greek language #languages #lingual stuff #langblr #anon #ask #lingual app rec #Greek facts

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catonator · 9 months

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You hear about video game development?

Well. I wouldn't say I expected such a catastrophic implosion from Unity.

Now, I can't say that I didn't laugh at the situation. It's a hilariously terrible case of bad management coming up with bad ideas in desperation. But it's also a somewhat scary indication of the sorry state of the industry.

Unity controls about 40% of the engine marketshare (according to a linkedin post I found anyway). Unity dominates the engine scene by a large margin, followed by Unreal at around 30% and Cryengine by around 5%. Unity forms such a large part of the entire game development industry, that it's difficult to really even understand just how much they control the concept of games as a whole!

Most people are jumping to some paid alternatives, like the aforementioned Unreal and, to a lesser extent, Game Maker, but my suggestion is this: don't!

Within the last decade, all-encompassing closed super game engines have become less of a side venture and more of an expectation. Back in the 2000s, there were a few engines like this, mostly amateur ones. Game engines were less creation stations and more of a loose collection of middleware and tools. Purchasing the rights to the engine meant that you also got the responsibility of also tying the engine into something resembling a game yourself. I feel like this art has been lost.

Game engines nowadays are more of a purchase of a passing right to use and incredibly specific, closed set of tools. You don't get to define the tools, and you don't get to really own the tools. It's yet another example of the tradition of the games industry fucking over the customers, and the customers just going with it. Because of this, while Unreal got some free dunks on Twitter for this, I can assure you Epic is planning something equally terrible as Unity's PR faux pas, and it'll come into to play in about 3 years when everyone's just accepted that Unity sometimes financially screws you over.

But, game developers are indeed developers. They know software, and they can learn to make new software.

If you're a game dev and still reading this, I'd recommend taking a peek beyond the curtains of corporate cockfighting, into the realm of DIY game engines. It's a… somewhat janky world full of strange characters with unusual ideas on how much time it's acceptable to spend not working on a game, but it's also a place where you're not being sat on by fatcats.

Just as game engines have progressed in the past 20 years, so have libraries, middleware and resources for independents. Making your own engine isn't just picking up ANSI C and toiling for a year in software rendering hell. Open tools like Pygame, Monogame, LÖVE and Cocos2D (among many, many others) are far beyond just simple rendering libraries and border on being game engines sometimes. The difference is, these tools are open source, and they do not restrict you with what you can do with them.

There are several games you may have played made using these frameworks. Streets of Rage 4 (MonoGame), Celeste (MonoGame), Fez (XNA, aka. MonoGame), Miitomo (Cocos2D), Geometry Dash (Cocos2D)… I got tired of looking up more. There are a lot of games.

The future which I hope to see for game developers is one where you have a large assortment of simple tools you can pick. Level editors, asset converters, entity systems, all small chunks of a game engine you could drop into your own project to slowly build up your own collection of workflows to make games your own way, completely independent of any larger forces on the market.

The support for these frameworks is still somewhat barren compared to Unity, but I believe, that if more people jump to alternatives like this, more tools, tutorials and middleware built for them would start showing up. This is how Unity also got its start, about 15 years ago. You also really don't need all the power in the world to make your simple 2D Megaman clones. The fog created by the monolithic engines we have now have obscured just how simple the building blocks for your favourite games can really be.

It just takes some bravery and willingness to learn a new way to approach making games, but I think the outcome is worth it, even just for you.

#gamedev #game development #unity

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singsweetmelodies · 5 months

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tagged by lovely @car-bo-hydrate to try this <3333

star sign: virgo

favourite holiday: new year

last meal: a hot mug of tea and some south african buttermilk rusks (comfort food breakfast!!! ❤️☕)

current favourite musician: probably taylor swift, but as always, it's hard to choose just one. OOOH! lately, dove cameron is high up on the list too

last music listened to: confetti (acoustic version) by little mix - LISTEN. ever since ms perrie edwards put out a tease that her solo music is coming soon, i have been on a big little mix high again, listening to all my old favourites and hyping myself up sooooo much for that perrie music drop 👀👀👀😍

last movie watched: my girlfriend and i rewatched shang-chi and the legend of the ten rings again last night for movie night <3 LOVE that movie, omfg. both my gf and i firmly declared all michelle yeoh's scenes our favourites 🤭

last tv show watched: you know, it's actually been really long since i've properly watched a TV show, so the answer to this is probably something silly like reruns of FRIENDS

last book/fic finished: 2 different answers here!! last book was iron flame by rebecca yarros (yes, i caved to all the hype and read it on the plane - yes, there were bits that pissed me off, but i mostly enjoyed it) and last fic was one of AO3 user venerat's landoscar masterpieces, "i'll kiss you first" <3

last book/fic abandoned: hmm... i tried to read this rom-com called "you & me: a mlm single dads romance" while on holiday in SA, and i just... couldn't make it more than 5 chapters in. the cringe (& the VERY american focus of... everything...) was just too much for me, especially because i tried to read this right after a super delightful wlw rom-com recommended to me by darling @duquesademiel. after that, this one just... couldn't compare. at all.

currently reading: well, i'm back to work, so my time for books has unfortunately dropped exponentially... all i'm actively reading rn is a bunch of f1 rpf fics, to be perfectly honest

last thing researched for writing/art/hyperfixation: "WHAT COULD CAUSE A SCANDAL IN THE REGENCY ERA" 🤣🤭

favourite online fandom memory: storytime sundays where we tell those long DM fics with @boxboxbrioche and @welightitup <3333

favourite old fandom you wish would drag you back in/have a resurgence: HMMM! i am mostly over all my old fandoms by now, to be fair, but if i really had to choose one... probably one direction?? because a proper resurgence would mean the reunion, right? (right?) ((so maybe i'm not quite as "over it" as i pretend 🤭))

favourite thing that you enjoyed that never had an active fandom: ohhhh, i can't think of a name immediately now, but it's definitely some or other book series that, if it had a fandom at all, was so tiny that i was practically the only person in it 🥲

tempting project that you're trying to rein in/don't have time for: LISTEN. i have had the most awful writer's block for months, and now that i can finally write again, somewhat, all that i want to write are the things that i should NOT be focusing on rn, because those things don't have deadlines but other things do *charles_wtf discord react*

prime example: about 2838474829 piarles smut WIPs and a/b/o and chussyverse explorations, instead of... my PWFE fic. some belated birthday fics. some celebration fics i promised nearly half a bloody YEAR ago. oops 😭😭 but, we'll get there. we will! just like this will be ferrari's year (i am delulu) xD

no idea who's done this yet and who hasn't, so i'm just going to tag some friends and hope i'm not double-tagging anyone - also, if i miss anyone, please feel free to say i tagged you anyway, because i'd love to see your answers <3 @boxboxbrioche @welightitup @hourcat @teamnick @sedicii @francophones @radiocheck, if any of you feel like giving this a go <3333

#tag game #tagged!#oh i am so behind on my tag games that it's not even funny - but i loved doing this one!! tysm for thinking of me charlotte <3

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ringneckedpheasant · 1 year

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Hi! I saw your Bible post and if you're interested in doing this, I have a few things you could look into/do which might make the process easier if you have trauma/want to approach it like a set of myths/historical document! I studied theology and religion at uni (particularly queer and eco theology) and came at it from a non-christian angle. Anyway feel free to delete this ask if it's not useful/too much etc. I just thought I'd give some ideas!

Yale has a series of online free lectures on the Old Testament which are super interesting and don't assume any faith! They go into the various myths which inspired the various stories in the bible (such as the flood), and the history of particular parts of the old testament library (they also have one for the new testament but I haven't watched it so don't know how good it is)

Look into apocrypha! The Nag Hammai scriptures, the gospel of Judas etc. Might actually be super interesting to you if you like the myth/history aspect! They're the books which were de-classified as canon (or never were canon), but all were written super early (2nd century) I specifically recommend the Gospel of Mary Magdalene and the Gospel of Judas. "Lost scriptures" by Ehrman is a great laymans book explaining the histories/controversies around this and even goes into the controversies surrounding the secret gospel of Mark aka the gospel where Jesus seems to have gay sex. (Ehrman writes a lot of good layman books on the bible which might be worth looking at!)

If you're looking at the NT maybe look at books like Jesus the Jew by Geza Vermes or The Crucified God by moltmamn. They're a bit specialised but it is SUPER important to modern historical studies of jesus to situate him as a Jew because that is who he was! Also Moltmamns book is v leftist and not fundamentalist.

"And man created God" by Selina O'Grady goes into detail about all the OTHER religions around during the 1st century (emperor cults etc.) Which is great for context for the gospels and also learning about cool religious traditions around in the 1st century!

Queer theology? Maybe? Might be fun for ya? Queer readings of the Bible are abundant from Ruth, Judas, David and Jonathan and jesus and there's quite a few books on them (I'm not dropping any here because I've read some Intense Theological Ones which Im not sure would appeal but if you Google you will find)

Look into Song of Songs the Official Sex is Good and Holy Book in the bible! (It's also just beautifully written)

Looking at things like "the Muslim Jesus" might also be interesting? Little collections of how Islam has viewed/interpreted Judaism and Christianity and why is always interesting and often another angle on those myths/historical documents

I'm sure other people could give you more ideas/ways to approach! I approached from a non religious angle but my institution was firmly situated in the Christian tradition so is slightly biased that way. But anyway! I just thought I'd give some starting points you could look at on the myth/history angle?

Have a lovely day!

I AM LOOKING??!!?? gd this is EXACTLY what I didn’t know I needed, all of this sounds very up my alley & like it’ll be great for what I’d be trying to get out of it. like. I have gone from “this is a thing I’ve been idly thinking about” to “this is a thing I could reasonably do and where I could start”!

I’ve done a little bit of looking into queer readings of things in the past (particularly david & jonathan) but then I had a years-long period that I technically still haven’t gotten out of where I physically could not bring myself to open a bible so I haven’t tried to actually read those stories myself while keeping a queer perspective in mind. also have had more years of lit classes that I dropped out of halfway through the semester so I have slightly more knowledge of how to dissect and analyze Texts than I used to

#everything I ever learned about the bible was in *deeply* religious environments #95% of which were evangelical fundamentalism #I did also go to an episcopal church about a dozen times when I lived in [redacted]#& i’ve been to mass a few times + had One catholic friend growing up #anon #answered #save #I literally feel like i’ve been given a gift lol

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radiocity · 1 month

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honestly, what's your take on the l word? atp i can't tell if it's just shit but i'm too far along to stop. the 5th and 6th seasons seem to be done in a complete different tone too and there's so many problematic aspects just slapped in for unecessary drama. still.. i like the main characters a lot and it is representation at the end of the day. Maybe it would've been cooler if they just did more of a 'slice of life' thing instead of 'drama rama cheating on people is like a slip of the hand thing due to the strong nuclear force'

anyway interested in your take, what do you think are the well- and badly- handled aspects of the show, how do you reflect on the story and character building?

stay cool out there (◕‿◕)♡

MY TAKE ON THE L WORD? getting this ask made me so excited you have no idea how much I love talking about the l word. So excited in fact that I wrote 6165 words about it, sorry, I am so severely unemployed right now. here, I talk about my thoughts, some theory, and then break down some of the intrinsic problems with the show, specifically how it thinks about gender and nonconformity, race, and transgender identities, within the scaffolding of it being a show concerned with women who have relationships with other women, rather than necessarily a truth of lesbianism. i’m citing various linked sources and very loosely using an academic approach, but it’s more like a messy collage of sources than it is a fully fleshed out argument and narrative! if you want the tl;dr, I’d recommend scrolling to the final 3 paragraphs

tbh I haven’t watched it in a while but I really want to rewatch the whole thing and go back to my gif series instead of just making random sets (don’t be put off by my absence its bc I was doing my master’s degree and then I got really sick) and maybe thinking so intensely about tlw these past 3 days will inspire me into it .

I’d be really interested in hearing any thoughts on response to any of this, even though it’s not particularly well written or formulated, so feel free to drop a message/reply/response anywhere if u or anyone else is compelled to. anyway response under the cut ->

so, my opening thoughts on the l word revolve around two things: there is nothing about this show that makes it an inherently lesbian show, and that it functions as a product of its time, not in culture but in Hollywood and show running. the imagined audience of TLW isn’t necessarily the modern ‘sapphic’ audience watching things like First Kill (2022), Do Revenge (2022), or Crush (2022) which are all, generally, pointed towards a younger audience seeking things like validation and romantic projection (from what I understand, and I’ll admit I haven’t watched any of these! But I have read synopsis and seen clips, so I’ll watch soon I promise). I do think this conversation has re-emerged a little in the growing conversations about wanting sexy lesbians having sex, which is a conversation that surrounded Love Lies Bleeding (LLB, 2024) for quite a while, repeating this argument that what lesbians want isn’t romance or tension, but sex, real sex, sex on screen and sex on TV. of course, it’s a little difficult for showrunners to ‘do’ sex or sexual content without it being so brazenly for men – and here I’ll step out and say when, in this context, I discuss women being looked at and ‘male gaze’, it’s more under the original theory of laura mulvey that women are objectified by the camera as men are in control of production, and here I’ll link the article (it’s very short, but I refer largely here to section B) – and to equally appeal to women looking at women but who are, equally not free from patriarchal understandings of the ‘correct’ and ‘incorrect’ ways of being attracted to women. I feel a good example of how we saw this was the big tiktok-wide discussion about sapphic cottage-core as an equally white endeavour, a sort of softcore launching of racist white American ideals of frolicking on a plantation. For showrunners to produce sexual lesbian content now, it needs to contend with who will be doing its marketing for them, i.e. a lot of people on tiktok talking about how LLB is for the ‘lesbian gaze’, whatever that means, or that these things are perhaps attractive to men in general, but are specifically geared to being attractive to lesbians specifically. Actually candace Moore, in a really brilliant article (and if u want access and don’t have it… just let me know) describes, through gaze theory, the notion of the straight viewer as a “tourist” and the “traveller”. Here:

Problematizing a distinction between the tourist, who "gladly or unknowingly accepts Disneyland's versions of the world's wonders," and the traveler, who "seeks and knows how to recognize authenticity," Strain argues that perhaps these archetypes are, if not one and the same, both victims to the notion that there is an "authenticity" available to be misrecognized, or grasped, in the first place. (10) But what of the lesbian viewer? (11) At first glance it would seem that the lesbian viewer falls outside of the already-tenuous tourist and traveler distinction, being a "local" intimately familiar with this culture. However, insofar as lesbian spectators are consuming mediated images of themselves, I argue that not only do straight audiences engage in a form of tourism when viewing the The L Word, but lesbian audiences, even those from Southern California, do too. The distinction between the tourist, the traveler, and, in this case, the local-as-consumer becomes blurred. Locals drawn to the latest "lesbian attraction," lesbians enjoy The L Word's eye candy along with straight "tourists." Like straight "travelers," they seek to identify albeit illusory "authentic" elements of the representation. However, for the queer viewer, the mediated reality of the show will never match up to reality. While the tourist and the traveler of The L Word are at base one and the same, the distinction between them lies not in what they are, but what they think they are; how they conceive of their own intentions, levels of "expertise," relationships to the local culture, and the "gains" that they take away--whether they travel for pleasure or for knowledge. It is through the enticement of lesbian sex (a spectacle of attraction for straight and queer viewers alike) and through the wonderment of either "understanding" the other or "recognizing" oneself (fantasy of authenticity), through both "watching from a remove" and "being there," that The L Word captivates its straight and queer tourists.

Pulling away from the academic angle, I don’t agree with the idea of LLB being for a lesbian gaze, nor do I think that TLW was ‘for’ lesbians more than it was ‘enjoyed’ by lesbians – a show that can hit as many audiences at once is a good thing. dennis cass for the slade in 2004 wrote that the L word “often feels like it’s not about being gay at all” and that a lot of what the show presents is pretty removed from any lesbian experience as we know it, additionally writing on bette and tina’s marriage counselling that they “aren’t merely in couples therapy, they’re seeing one of L.A.’s hottest personal gurus—that you not only forget they’re lesbians, but that they live on Earth.” A pretty accurate read for how removed a lot of TLW is from anything, and, to me, sort of bypasses any notion of ‘representation’ by just how fantastical it is. ginia bellafante also wrote in 2009, after s6 aired, that “’The L Word’ is a Sapphic Playboy fantasia in which women with wrinkles or squishy thighs or an aversion to lingerie appear to have been flagged down on the freeway with urgent instructions to move to Seattle”. basically, yeah

TLW itself is very clearly appealing to its heterosexual audiences at the same time it appeals to lesbians, even through the same mechanisms – the character’s conventional attractiveness, their skinniness, their lack of bras and how you can 9/10 times see their nipples through their shirts, and all the lesbian sex shown in as much detail as they could get away with – and that is the core driving force of the show in a lot of ways. we can’t really have another TLW today for the same reasons that all media from the early 2000s has shifted to give women more complex characters, arcs, appearances, and functions – and that’s a good thing, obviously – which in turn demonstrates the lack of these things the characters in TLW actually had. At its core, it’s sexy and men are the people behind the companies getting it on TV, not necessarily specific men but the shadow of patriarchy and how women exist on the screen. This isn’t to say media creation and output has become a liberal utopia for women’s rights, but rather there has definitely been a shift in how women exist on screen and what roles they were given before – think easy fast and furious, or megan fox in transformers, or even how very popular musicians styled themselves and appeared to the massive; Shakira, Jennifer lopez, Britney spears, etc – which, to me, reflects a way in which TLW capitalises off the straight heteropatriarchy in its desire to show sexy women at all times, always available to be ogled. in a way, this sorta aligns with bellafante’s observation that the show had ‘never aligned itself with the traditionalist ambitions of a large faction of the gay rights movement’ (written in 2009, 6 years before gay marriage was legalised in the us) – the liberator in the l word is sex, and that’s what all the characters are constantly aiming for, nothing else. Similarly, the show gets so obsessed with defining who or what a lesbian is (throughout the whole of s1 as they look for signs of lesbianism in jenny, with jenny at that party, or with dana talking about her ‘gaydar’, and so by doing this it turns lesbianism into a visual brand, something that be hidden in plain sight, appeasing both the hetrosexual viewer and the lesbian seeker - Martina Ladendorf describes a branding of lesbian identities through TLW in a form of “thingification”, and so “the representations of lesbian identities are discursively displaced and the identity position “lesbian” is partially filled with new meanings in the televised text of The L-word.” Ladendorf offers a far more generous reading than I do – to me, a lot of TLW needs to extrapolate lesbians from their womanhood and vice versa, creating a sort of woman who is a lesbian, rather than, simply, a lesbian

naturally, the l word is inherently a misogynist show , and in a lot of ways I think it’s unavoidable to think about when it comes to discussing schematics or opinions of the show, it’s a show full of, in the words of liz feldman in this interview, ‘beautiful lesbians with just nothing but time on their hands… and just somehow also money’. Obviously, the stereotypes the show puts forwards make it feel pretty cheap at time, and when the show ventures out into attempting to either tackle or just include plotlines about poverty, racism, transphobia, infidelity, (or plotlines it totally avoids, like conversations on butchness, gender non-conformity, or transfemininity), it honestly just gets stranger and stranger, not to mention the very active racism present in the show, via how pam grier’s character was written, handled, and expanded upon when she was by far one of the most skilled and seasoned actors on the show. a lot of issues I and other people have are through this lens, and hence why a lot of the pushback focuses on how little was understood about trans people in mainstream media back then, or how the show was just such a landmark moment that it was purely reflective of the times so it’s just nit-picking to be pointing out all its negative parts, which isn’t a sentiment I agree with at all, and instead I think of the l word as being both progressive and problematic for these reasons. Even as an addition, I feel like TLW is why we just don’t really need more tv shows like the L word… because we have the L word, and it’d be nice if we could have something different

so, when I talk about and recommend the l word I usually put it in these terms: season 1 is a phenomenal piece of storytelling and such a compelling way to create and introduce a show all about lesbianism to a world that is not filled with parallel lesbians, but rather is the only show on air in the world doing that exactly, and, following that, season 4 gets a little art deco and experimental as it pushes its characters through new, meaningful struggle, like tasha working in the military under ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ (fuck the army though), max living his new reality as a trans man (yeah it was dealt with horribly), bette dating jodi and this inviting so much conversation about art, disability, and deafness into the mix, and, in other ways, jenny and tina working together on her show, helena’s… gambling addiction or whatever, kit’s nonsense relationship shane’s nonsensical relationship. Imo these two seasons show the best of what the L word has to offer, which is, in S1, a sensitive introduction that pushes jenny through the wringer as she really becomes herself and takes hold of her destiny, and then in S4, these characters all essentially performing at their apex, in love, making mistakes, trying again, to the best of the l word’s ability to show any of this (relatively speaking, it’s the best TLW ever gets)

with all this in mind, I do think the show thrives in really profound ways at times. The real hook of it is, and always has been, season 1, which is just this ferociously strong exploration in television about such a serious sensitive topic, jenny’s coming out. a lot of criticism sort of facetiously responds to jenny’s character by focusing on her writing quality (which I honestly thought was fine lol!), and will ignore sincerely engaging with her in favour of laughing at how bad her character became as the writer’s lost the plot more and more, but I really do think that jenny in the first two seasons was just phenomenal, and mia kirshner’s fantastic meditative performance just stole the entire show for me. In season 1 as we are introduced to the show and their world through jenny’s process of coming out and ripping her life apart at the seams to live her ideal life (even if it was very explosive with marina and didn’t end well), which I just thought was such captivating writing about that moment of choice, where a character has to decide whether or not they’ll live their easy life or do the difficult thing. one of the scenes I have always come back to is in s1 where jenny has sex with tim and cries afterwards because that moment for her is the one where she realises she just can’t do it anymore, and seeing that in the show was just really otherworldly for me, I loved it and I thought it was amazing, and then later on in season 2 where jenny asks shane to cut her hair for her – a real splitting off from her regular, comfortable life, to ‘become’ a lesbian in heart and soul, was again just another moment where the writing and directing teams could really show some muscle in just how good the show could be, before dropping all presences and going back to whatever drivel they’d been doing. As a more technical note on the show, the inconsistent directors and writing is really hilarious, and sometimes the drop in quality between episodes is… staggering, to say the least

tbh s1 functions well as a drama-comedy mix because those scenes, as well as tina and bette’s fertility journey, is spliced within the rest of the nonsense going on, which I felt crafted this really enjoyable diametric swing throughout . arguably more than anything, jenny’s coming out was the best and most meaningful part of the show, and I really haven’t seen much other lesbian media hold a candle to it (though I could name a few). What they did with jenny as the show went on was disappointing to say the least, but s2 had a lot of heart in it as they attempted to have her coming to terms with her abuse (naturally, having finally discovered herself in s1) and focus more on what makes her happy – her writing. As the show continued to develop and jenny’s character just morphed into this unrecognisable thing, I even still think mia kirshner could perform such a charming take on it that I never really aligned myself to a lot of the jenny hate people joke about

other drama aspects in mind, like bette and tina’s marriage falling apart, bette’s other relationships (bette always seems to be the one facing the ‘serious problems), and even dana’s cancer and subsequent death, I thought were generally handled… ‘well’. Dana’s cancer worked interestingly within this as, while it was kind of bizarre, I think the relationship between alice and dana was a real life force on the show for a while, and that whole situation meant that alice could go through some real, meaningful growth in her character which she’d been a little starved of to that point. perhaps my thoughts are that when the show focuses on cheating as the only method of things falling apart, that’s when it really starts to fumble, because cheating at that level is such a sitcom-only esque plotline that removes a lot of reality you might be looking for and finding charming in these shows. Equally, I just think cheating can be quite an alienating plotline!

But, to talk about writing alone, my god it gets shit. Various parts of the writing I remember disliking off the top of my head are dana’s season 2 girlfriend which turns into a weird trope of the pretty girls vs the ‘uglier’ one (her then-gf), when the max arc is in full swing (though I’ll be clear as well and say I loved Daniel Sea’s acting within the role, however bad the writing was), papi and the racism that guided the writers in constructing her character, the random plotline of the guy living with shane and jenny in season 2 (though I thought it could have been really interesting, almost a meta comment on men watching lesbians, men watching the l word, men watching lesbians in media). Helena’s entire character was a little baffling to me, and while I did enjoy her at times and thought she was a hilarious addition to the cast, I just had no clue exactly what she was doing. Parts of the shows ideology itself is equally harmful, like alice and dana shopping for strap-ons (bc alice is bisexual and therefore loves penetrative sex, and dana is a lesbian and therefore doesn’t), or just that the shows ensemble cast reflects the background, and everyone is cis white thin feminine, etc. until they’re not, like ivan or papi, or Dylan..? (or a character’s non-whiteness function as a sort of ethnic flair to them, say papi and carmen being Latina and that being their exciting ‘exotic’ traits), that floods the show with a very recognisable sort of white Hollywood liberalism, and if we can understand and comprehend that, we get a good working frame for the rest of what’s going on. as alice and tasha were arguing about the military it was, of course, them trying to suggest that alice is this very liberal character who disagrees with the war and tasha’s politics, but not enough to…. Break things off with her. Instead (fashion tumblr user steps in) she even joins in this roleplay and dresses more femininely around her, growing out her hair a little and everything – and alice in general usually had a pretty fluid sense of style, so it was an… interesting choice. And then Jamie shows up for some reason (and is similarly one of the very few reoccurring Asian characters on the show – her, Catherine (one of helena’s stupid love interests) and adele (who is not serious); actually to make a side note on how this show was received, there was even a petition to get the character’s from alice wu’s Saving Face (which is a brilliant movie, and you should watch it) to be on the show and bring more Asian representation, from autumn 2008)

One episode I think is pretty good for reading the ethos of how TLW engages with women who aren’t their ‘ideals’ is shown is, imo, episode 3? 4? of season 1, where lacey is harassing shane for moving on from her. Lacey is one of the very few characters who leans a little more into being gender nonconforming, yes still with the full face of makeup, but with heavy punk-ish eye makeup, short hair, leather jacket, a demanding attitude, (and she’s not fat, but definietely has more weight on her than any of the verrrrry skinny main cast), and all-in-all embodies a kind of paltry attempt at TLW at bringing in someone with more of an edge, perhaps a modern day masc we might imagine – she’s really one of the only women I can think of on the show, let alone women that shane gets with, who isn’t an ultra-feminine character with long hair, tall, skinny, petite frame, etc. devoid of reality, the show really pushes on her as this over-demanding woman who reactedly badly to shane using her and moving on, and of course the show is trying to show us that shane uses people without much care for them, but doing so through lacey lets you sympathise more with shane than it would if they’d brought in a far more feminine woman who could play that damsel in distress role through looks alone. Lacey’s problems are like a pet or a child’s wherein you do what they want (in this case, another 1 night stand) to appease them, and then you get them off your back. The writing itself is very bizarre, but the fact that they used a woman who was just a little left of centre from the standard the show had set of these beautiful women in Hollywood, demonstrates enough

likewise, to go from here and talk about gender non-conformity, one of the strangest lines on the show was always kit in season 3 episode 9 saying “It just saddens me to see so many of our strong butch girls giving up their womanhood to be a man” – why she said that, I don’t know, some sort of meditation on her bizarre relationship with ivan perhaps? But that relationship fell apart because ivan was… not a man… and couldn’t be a man… whereas max is a man and could be a man, so I just don’t know.

Kit: Why can't you be the butchest butch in the world... and keep your body? Max: Because I wanna feel whole.

and he is so punished for that split away from butchness into transness, even by the woman who is notably placed outside of the lesbianism of the show – which is arguably worse than having one of the lesbians come at him for it, as kit is more or less representative of “the rest of the world” in these types of conversations, pushing max away from transition while the lesbians of the show, the ones who, you would imagine, have had some sort of intersection with transness once before (again, notably shane, who, as part of her traumatic backstory, was mistaken for a boy when she was a teenager and was paid by men to give them a handjobs) . instead the show curiously places kit there as some voice of reason, and the rest of the lesbian cast are kind of fast and loose with the whole thing. when they do talk about butchness in s3e3, it’s just bizarre. Pre-transition max pulls shane with him to unpack the car as “us butches”, and carmen giggles and jokingly calls shane a “big butch” even though, again, she’s the closest thing the show gets to reoccurring butchism, and is likely seen and imagined as butch by a lot of the people watching . at dinner later on in the episode, they make a joke about him not being “stone butch”… as if that’s a way of measuring masculinity rather than a sexual identity, before shane interrupts the conversation to say “You know what, what difference does it make whether someone is butch or femme?”. again, she is the butchest one at the table, and very notable not butch, but has gone up so close to the border before, you really wonder… why. Why there is such intense resolution to not make her butch, but really it’s because TLW functions in the absence of the butch – alice eler puts it succinctly: “The L-Word asserts that a “femme” lesbian woman is more desirable than a “butch” lesbian.”

In tlw, butch and femme are always roles played rather than realities lived, so it defaults to femininity being ‘standard’ - and this is where, imo, a lot of reaction to max’s transition hinges on. If the show can’t allow any character to firmly be ‘butch’, so when a character takes on butchness as a passage to realising his truth, that he is a trans man, it pulls out all the ugly thoughts and feelings held by certain lesbians about trans men who were, previously, identifying as lesbians/butch lesbians. Here, it really creates a perfect storm for TLW to uphold dangerous ideology (how they showed max’s transition was horrible), and justifying their cis lesbian audience’s response (they got angry that the only character who transgressed gender went ‘too far’ with it, essentially, living his truth in a way they didn’t like). I imagine, if TLW had functioning butch characters on the show, this all might’ve played out differently, but if TLW let go of its standard of femininity, then it… isn’t sexy, becoming too lesbian and too trans and alienates its non-lesbian audience, getting too deeply invested in its lesbianism than it is with its glamour. An interview with Ilene chiaken that gets thrown around a lot is here: on max, “She’s our first real butch on the show — a fabulously attractive butch, but nonetheless a real butch,” Chaiken said. “And we deal with the issue of gender. We wanted to tell that story, a big story in the gay community and, in the last couple years, a huge story in the lesbian community.” it’s an interesting statement for sure– gender transgression has always been a part of lesbianism (read any book ever), and with the advent of the internet and online communities – afterellen being founded in 2002 – more conversations could be had by lesbians from all walks of life, from any economic background or lived reality of race, ability, anything. jack halberstam writes interestingly in Transgender Butch about butch/ftm borders that,

The distinction that some butches need to make between lesbianism and butchness hinges on a distinction between sexual and gender identities. Lesbian, obviously, refers to sexual preference and to some version of the “woman-loving woman.” Butch, on the other hand, bears a complex relation of disidentification with femininity and femaleness and, in terms of sexual orientation, could refer to “woman-loving butch” or “butch-loving butch.

butchness, and max’s ex-butchness, is never truly interacted or responded to in the show – ivan states he doesn’t mind being referred to as a he, shane half-heartedly defends butchism by asking her friends to stop talking about it, and max finds himself as a man through a meaningful identification with butchism and ‘disidentification’ with femininity to then finding a reidentification with not just masculinity, but manhood, which lends way to him truly discovering himself. Curiously, in response to this, this reidentification is one step too far, and suddenly its actually ok to be butch on the l word. The rest of the cast seems to ask him over and over again, why by a man? Why not be butch? But in the world of TLW, to be butch and to be trans are both radical acts of nonconformity, to disidentify is to no longer be the thing that sells, so you very fundamentally cannot do any of it – lisa the male lesbian in s1 is played for laughs as a transmisogynist punchline, and carmen giggling at the idea of shane being butch (and thus disidentifying) demonstrates that this is equally hilarious.

from this angle, i feel that TLW functions primarily as a show about women attracted to women, not lesbians attracted to lesbians (lesbian as gender, as identifier, as being). Immovable womanhood is the centre of everything, constructing familiarity, and to stray is to exit safe perimeters that TLW establishes within unradical, conformist, cisgendered white femininity. candace Moore, again, writes that TLW “positions lesbianism as a sensibility, not a sexuality. This is particularly important because as a sensibility, lesbianism can potentially be co-opted by straight viewers.”

of course, it would be remiss to fail in mentioning that much of this discussion about tlw’s association to butchness is very much within whiteness as well – we can argue that tasha is a stud even if she never says the word herself, her specific attraction being to “girly girls” and her riding a motorbike, always with a more masculine wardrobe, and being in the……. Army………. Really aligns her with this sentiment. I do think she’s a stud, but this being off the back of the show’s depiction of max sits so strangely, and we can’t ignore that her blackness is so instinctually connected to how they wrote her – in a world where no one else can be a butch, why then is the only dark skinned black lesbian more masculine leaning than the rest of them? yes, racism, and all tied in to her nationalism and dedication to the army. It’s certainly an interesting choice for the writers to make and, while she is one of my favourites in the whole show, I definitely have a lot of pause with why she was written and created the way she was, and what she offers the show politically – she holds space as a particularly vulnerable body, a dark skin black stud lesbian, but maintains the status quo of the country and of American imperialism. What’s the message? Even the most unavailable of lesbians can still be patriots??? the individual's physical unfuckable body is still acessible through american aligience?

As later seasons continued to get worse, parts I did really enjoy were tasha’s entire character, molly’s entire character, seeing tina ‘get her life back’ as it were and return to painting, jodi’s entire character, all the music featured, and bette and tina getting back together was really well written and laurel holloman and Jennifer beals are just two very strong actors steering that ship, and random moments throughout I really enjoyed (specifically bette’s professional life gave a lot of breathing room for the show to have other funny little characters, like her office assistants etc) that I’m struggling to remember here rn tbh but generally even as the show was getting bad, the more ridiculous things got the more fun I was having, but the later seasons ‘drama’ was a little painful. If it had started as a drama and then shifted into something more palatable, I think it would’ve been great, but really anything that wasn’t season 6 would have been fine.. just such an unforgiving and cruel way to end the show, and I thought adding jenny to the mix of toxic sad relationships after leaving her straight life and coming to terms with her abuse was such a mean-spirited and cruel way to end it IDK! And this is why the l word FAILS as a sitcom, bc at least usually (to my knowledge) the idea is that at the end… they’re kinda happy and stepping into another new life with some stability and lifelong friends!!! But instead TLW said fuck you and I hate you

anyway yeah closing thoughts… if you watch TLW without even thinking about representation I think it’s an easy watch, bc what I was watching it for is psycho lesbians who don’t act normally and that’s what I got. All caricatures of themselves or whatever they’re performing in the shadows of, and, in a way – and maybe this is a little weird to say – but I think the lesbians in the show are, to me, like watching a species of lesbian that I myself am not. Which is a shame because, if I recall correctly, a lot of those musical performances in the show were about exposing the world to lesbian music that broke the norm and went against the stereotype of music people associated with lesbians at the time, showing them on the cutting edge of new sound, which somehow did not cross into the actual meat of the show at all. And I haven’t spoken at all about it here, but a lot of those musical features are my favourite parts of the show and made some of those scenes just electric, magical parts of storytelling on tv

to address the “you”/I in what “I think”, and this one actually is TMI, when I first watched the L word, it was when I had really just finished coming to terms with my own lesbianism back in late 2021, early 2022 (I was gay and trans before this, but hiding from myself and my sexuality and my gender in complex ways, living a sort of double life online and offline – this was more an unforgiving reckoning with who I was vs what the life I was leading looked like). i was finally letting myself think about it holistically, reflecting on conversion therapy and how I navigated my desires and my identity. I wrote a lot of melodramatic diary entries and was trying to figure out how to handle a 3 year long semi-formed, confusing, and impressively undefined ‘situation’ship I was in with a guy while I was living alone during a gap year. all I really did in this time was go to the gym, go on walks, go to therapy, and think… a lot. by the time I started watching TLW I had come to terms with my lesbianism (and its inextricable relationship to my gender), but watching jenny go through something I had basically been in the thick of myself (just without all the sex and the cheating and the sex and the sex and the sex), and was, at that point, yet to experience the real horror of, meant a lot to me, and, just from some reading online, I’ve understood too how the early seasons of TLW really helped a lot of other lesbians come out to themselves or start thinking about where they might sit in relation to lesbianism. again, TLW fails time and time again at any sort of political radicalism, but when you’re so, so painfully alone and you don’t really have anyone to talk to about these desires, or even have the strength to talk about these things out loud, I do think somehow the unabashed desire flung around the screen of TLW does one thing, and that is to declare that lesbianism doesn’t have to be in your head, and that even good change can be really difficult when it’s something like this, and that, to me, was the best thing TLW added to the conversation about lesbian TV and reflects, for a lot of lesbians who find themselves trying to navigate repression and abuse, the experience that we’re still moving through: taking hold of our lives with our own hands

beyond that, beyond being a story about transformation – which I do think really permeates the first season (dana coming out to the world and to her parents; shane learning how to love or whatever the fuck genuinely; tina and bette trying and failing and trying to live the life they’d always dreamt of; marina navigating her own bad relationship through a sort of uncaring outwards desire; bette ‘choosing’ the wrong path from her married life and cheating; kit re-entering the world of professional music and working hard to get into that music video thing situation – I think s1 is just such a rare gem of tv, that had so many flaws in it and so much was mishandled, but it came to it all with a lot of heart. But still that same angle is what alienates it from reality and sets it up as this fantasy land of woman-who-engage-in-lesbianism and abstractifies lesbian reality to make way for lesbian (or straight) fantasies of standard hegemony with a little zest. As it goes on however, it falls so hard to the more difficult aspects already clear at its start, and dramatizes their sexual escapades and relationships endlessly in a way that gives, says, and does nothing. jill dolan describes it well, albeit more positively than I have here: “part of the fun has become to simply go with it, to enjoy its excesses of character and plot and to tolerate its rather sweetly absurd attempts at relevance and authenticity.” and you really can ‘go with it’ for a while, but to put it shortly, TLW is not a show worth following to the end of the earth

#anonymous #asks #the l word #tlw

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