#anyways when will the gender program stop thinking I work for the hospital and can answer questions about physician liability

[queerhawkeyes]

stuck at liberty international for 6 hours answering work emails on my phone and drinking very expensive coffee

[captain039]

Secrets of mutation

Logan(wolverine) x reader

Warnings: Age gap, student/teacher, AOB, trauma, swearing, sexual, intimate, a little forceful, anxiety

Xmen/new mutants

AOB will be referred to second gender xD

The alarms were blaring in your ear when you woke. Startled and uncoordinated you got out of bed and looked out the door seeing no one but flashing lights, what the hell was going on?

You remember waking up in this strange place, handcuffed to a bed in some strange room filled with other empty hospital beds. You don’t remember much from before, your past blurry. A woman had come in, a tablet in hand as she scanned you with something.

“Where am I?” You asked.

“Who are you?!” You added tugging at the cuffs.

“Calm down Miss Y/n, my name is Dr Reyes, you’re at a facility” you frowned at her words.

“What facility?” You questioned.

“A facility for mutants like yourself” she said typing down something.

“You do know what mutants are yes?” You nodded to her question.

“I’m- not a mutant” you trailed off a little unsure.

“You are Y/n, a little late in showing but none the less, a mutant” she walked to your cuffs and you flinched as she unlocked them.

“What’s my mutation?” You asked rubbing your wrists.

“We have yet to figure that out” she smiled.

“I’ll show you around”

It was more of a cage for mutants than a program, you learnt after some time, the others you were with didn’t appreciate new blood apparently except Sam, Danny and Rahne. You were finding it difficult to present your power to anyone and yourself. Rahne said she could sense you differently from the others, you were unsure why though. As it became more clear you weren’t getting out you began to freak out. Your mind forcefully trying to figure out what happened before, your parents, your life? You couldn’t remember any of it, just flashes of faceless people and laughs. You got nightmares every night, something different each time, a jumble of memories perhaps. When those alarms rang though you sought nothing but freedom.

You had found the others as they looked around confused also. You all had headed outside a jet of some sort landing nearby.

“Who the hell is that?” Roberto asked.

“How are we supposed to know?!” Rahne yelled as a voice filled your head.

“It’s alright” it said as the jet opened and an old man came out on a wheelchair.

“No!” You heard Dr Reyes stumbling out as a orange bubble surrounded you. You were suffocating in it as you fell to your knees gasping for breath, desperately bashing on the force.

You had awoken to soft beeping, before it slowly picked up much like your heart beat. You looked around this feeling to familiar when someone walked in.

“You’re awake” she said as you stared at her, machine beating rapidly.

“What’s going on?!” You tugged against the tubes on you and panicked.

“Calm down” she said rushing to you quickly.

“My names Storm” she said and you frowned.

“You’re at professors Xaviers school” you frowned at her words.

“School?” You questioned looking around the high tech medical lab.

“Well above us is the school” she chuckled.

“You might know us better by the xmen” she said and you still stared.

“Took us a while to find your facility, I’m afraid you’re not the only one who was in that situation, they’re happening everywhere” she sighed sadly.

“That shield around it blocked the Professor out for a while till he got in” you laid back down, head spinning.

“Are the others ok?” You asked.

“They’re fine, getting use to the school, Magik causing some trouble but she’ll adapt” she stood by your bed.

“I-I don’t know my mutation” you mumbled.

“That’s why the professors here” she said softly as someone walked in. You sat up again seeing the old man in the chair.

“I’m not that old” he chuckled and you flushed.

“I didn’t-“ you frowned at him.

“My mutation my dear, I can hear people’s thoughts” he smiled stopping by your bed.

“Oh” you said.

“Don’t worry I won’t scope around in their unless you require me too” he chuckled you crossed your arms awkwardly.

“Bad joke I’m afraid” he said as Storm chuckled.

“How are you feeling?” He asked.

“Um?” You said.

“Yes I’d imagine this situation is rather stressful but we are here to help” he offered a warm smile.

“I don’t know what to do- I don’t remember my past apart from waking up in that facility, nor do I know my mutation” you said.

“Yes, the facility’s, the Essex’s program give you a serum that takes away your memories of your past life, to better focus the mind” he sighed.

“As for your mutation I can help you find it” he smiled.

“Essex’s program?” You asked.

“Yes there are secret facility’s around the world, covered by the orange shield, they hold powerful mutants in there for testing, turn them into weapons with no memories” he spoke grimly, his eyes downcast.

“It’s hard for me to get through the shield without causing a big war” he sighed.

“These programs are made by the government, to test on mutants the deem powerful and dangerous and turn them into killers in the future” he looked to the woman who had a saddened face also.

“It’s hard to find you all” she said sadly.

“Terrible thing” she added.

“Come, I’ll show you around the school, lighten your mood a bit” the Professor smiled. You stood slowly thankful your clothes were still on and not some stupid hospital gown. You followed the Professor through a bright hall and into an elevator.

As the door opened again you were stunned by the house and smells. Old but clean with students walking around.

“They’re all mutants” the Professor said as you looked to each one as you walked.

“We have classes upstairs and down stairs, down the end here is the cafeteria” he pointed down the hall and you nodded.

“Back this way is the smaller kitchen and toilets along with rooms on the left side” he added pointing out each room.

“The floor below us is where you train, like for PE and fighting” he said.

“There’s a courtyard and plenty of room outside as well as in” he smiled going up the stairs.

“Professor!” You jumped as someone called.

“Ah Logan” you turned with the professor seeing the man coming towards you. You were hit with something though, an overwhelming scent and you held a hand over your nose.

“What?” The man said.

“I don’t stink that bad” he sniffed himself and you shook your head.

“No Logan I don’t think she understands our second gender” the Professor said and you frowned.

“Jesus kid” the man muttered.

“Did you need something Logan?” The Professor asked.

“Yeah that girl you found her with Magik? She’s causing a bloody mess again” he huffed hands on his hips and you perked up.

“Shall we go see your friends?” The Professor asked and you nodded. As you walked away from the man you glanced back meeting his gaze. You gulped looking away and speeding up a bit.

“Y/n!” Rahne was the first to run to you. You sighed hugging them tightly. Danny joined and you felt tears in your eyes. Sam came over too and you chuckled giving him a hug also.

“You guys ok?” You asked pulling back.

“We’re fine” Rahne said.

“How are you?” Sam asked.

“I’m ok, I think” you gulped a little glancing to the professor.

“You’ve been out a couple of days” Danny said and you frowned.

“Really?” You asked and she nodded.

“Was worried you weren’t gonna get up” you turned seeing Roberto and went to hug him.

“I get a hug?” He said in awe and you chuckled shaking your head.

“Where is your friend Magik?” The Professor asked.

“Outside in her little world” Roberto sighed.

“She hasn’t taken a liking to this place” Rahne said.

“She never liked being cooped up anyway” you shrugged.

“Y/n are you happy to stay here while I go talk to her?” The Professor asked.

“Yeah, thank you” you whispered and he smiled leaving.

You sat on the couch sighing, head hung back.

“We’re really at Professor Xaviers school” Danny said in little awe.

“The xmen” you mumbled.

“Yep” Rahne said.

“Seems strange we weren’t sent here- but then again we were in a secret program” Sam said.

“Secret program of psychos” Roberto grumbled.

“I don’t understand why I was there though” you said saddened.

“I don’t know my powers, I don’t know anything apparently” you sighed leaning your head in your hands.

“What’s the second gender?” You asked.

“You don’t know?” Roberto asked surprised.

“No” you mumbled.

“The second gender is-“ Sam stuttered on his words.

“Alpha, Beta, Omega” Rahne said and you frowned.

“I don’t understand?” You said.

“It’s a ranking system almost” Roberto spoke up.

“When you hit puberty is when you know your rank, Alphas are the-“ before Roberto could speak Danny interrupted.

“Alphas are hot headed idiots” she rolled her eyes as Roberto huffed like a child.

“Betas are in the middle class, omegas in the bottom and alphas at the top” Rahne said.

“What are you guys?” You said.

“Robertos an alpha so is Sam and Illyana, I’m a beta and so is Danny” you frowned at Rahne words.

“What am I?” You said.

“You’re an omega” Sam muttered.

“So I’m beneath you?” You questioned.

“No it- it doesn’t work like that” he sighed.

“Then how does it work?” You asked desperate.

“I can’t explain it’s always been there” Sam shrugged.

“What the hell” you mumbled sinking into to the couch more.

“I’m sure the professor can help you” Rahne held your hand as you tried to smile and nod. You didn’t know your past, your powers, your second gender? Who even were you?

Next Chapter ->

[earthly--truth]

What I believe in

These are my beliefs as someone who aligns with democratic socialism and progressivism. Feel free to critique it, challenge it, even just a few sections, whatever, but this is what I believe will make the world a better place, because people (and animals) deserve to live the best possible lives they can live with the only chance at life they got. This is going to be super general and long, and not get into nearly everything, but I hope it sheds a positive light on leftism.

Strong unions so that workers (the majority of people in society) have the ability have better footing to negotiate better wages, work hours, vacation days, benefits, etc. I also believe that in instances where it’s pragmatically viable that there should be a push for more worker co-op’s, in which every employee has a stake in the company they work at, and the ability to give their input (all companies should strive for more democracy). Both of these contribute to healthier, happier, and, and better payed people.

Raising the minimum wage in the U.S to $15 an hour. The current wage of  $7.25 is way too low. It’s just not a livable wage. There’s a reason why McDonald’s and Walmart are called corporate welfare queens, and it’s because they’re employees require welfare to survive, despite being the biggest corporations on the planet with multi-billionaire CEO’s. The richest in society should also pay more in taxes.

Stop investing so much in the American military, cut it by a third if you can. (Firstly this frees up a lot of money for other things) Get the military out of the middle east, and create other more peaceful avenues to ensure it doesn’t crumble like every single time the military pulls out and doesn’t try to actually fix the mess they created. The people in the middle east deserve to be able to rebuild and they’ll need help to do that (just not the type of help where america installs their own leaders).

Healthcare should be universal, paid for by taxes. Every developed nation is capable of doing it. Many developing countries are doing it. Americans pay more in taxes for healthcare than so many other countries, yet a trip to the hospital still can put you in debt for the rest of your life. That is inhumane, and people shouldn’t have to choose between crippling debt and their health.

There’s also an argument to be made for free/way cheaper university, since countries like Canada or America force people to get a degree if they want to live a decent life, yet in order to do that you have to pay $15,000 a year for university. A system like that either forces people to skip out on uni, or again go into major debt. If Europe can figure it out, I think the U.S and Canada can figure it out too.

Black Lives Matter. To be more specific, I want police/criminal justice/prison reform. I want police de-militarized and to stop acting so abusive towards to civilians and real justice for the police that do, I want an end on the war on drugs (this helps drug addicts get help and delivers a blow to gangs and the cartel). I want an end to mass incarceration and laws that make it easier to throw people in jail for years for basically nothing. I want an end to for profit prisons. I want an end to the policy of retribution rather than rehabilitation for inmates (countries who rehabilitate are way more successful at non-returning inmates). I want an end to treating prisoners like slaves so corporations can get cheap labour. I also want the government to actually start caring about the poorest communities, many of which are predominantly black and latino (in cities anyways). (Also the indigenous in Canada). Better infrastructure, better public works programs. These all contribute to the proliferation of these communities and helps lessen the potential for criminality by making their lives better.

The dismantling of gender norms and roles, and de-stigmatization of LGBTQ+ people. I want people to be whoever they want to be. For far too long we have expected men and women to act a certain way. Women have come a long way, but there are still remnants of the old way of looking at things. We still have a lot of social stigma about how women should look, and that they are not worth even paying attention to if they aren’t conventionally attractive. We still have social stigma about sexuality and sex work. We hyper sexualize women in the media, yet shame women as sluts if they have a lot of sex. We shame women who choose abortion as murderers, yet don’t offer any support for the mother once the child has arrived. On top of that, the positions of power are still predominantly very old men. I also believe in helping men. Men are lonelier, men are increasingly staying sexless (not by choice), men are getting more suicidal. I want to address this two ways. One, by tackling toxic masculinity (not masculinity itself, just the bad parts). TM is telling men to man up and not to cry, TM is telling men not to act feminine or gay. TM is telling men to bottle up their emotions and resolve their problems through violence. The second way to address this is through my beliefs about workers. Men are the most suicidal in countries where there is a heavy work culture, like Japan and South Korea. Where they can’t have lives, and live to make money for the company they work at. That isn’t good.

When it comes to LGBTQ+ people, we need more positive representation in the media. We need people to see gay, trans, and non-binary people as normal people. When it comes to trans people specifically, we need to end the constant wars against them. Whether you’re talking about bathrooms, or sports, or children/teens receiving trans affirming healthcare. Let trans people be the gender that they say there are in the places they want to be, and allow them to receive the healthcare they need which is just the overwhelming medical consensus. This, combined with more supportive parents. all goes a long way to reducing the suicide rate amonst trans people.

The proliferation of the developing world. I want developing countries to be more autonomous, and to stop being under the boot of western corporations. I want an end to sweatshop labour or borderline sweatshop labour. I want the west to stop treating these actual people like their robots for pennies to produce our ungodly amounts of junk, and to actually pay these people decent wages. I want the world bank to stop giving money in an exploitative way to poor nations so that they cave to western business interests. These are people, human beings, and they deserve to develop and live good lives just like us. I also want them to fight for democracy in their countries.

Environmentalism. To go off the last section, 100 Corporations are contributing 71% of greenhouse gases. That needs to change. Corporations are participating ungodly amounts of devastations to eco-systems and the atmosphere. Ecosystems destroyed, and the exacerbation of the climate crises. I want a green and blue earth, and that can start by a) changing to green energy as much as humanly possible; solar, wind, and even nuclear (and whatever we come up with in the future) are far better than the fossil fuels we use now, which we’ll run out of anyways. And second we need to hold corporations accountable for destroying the planet. If we don’t do this, we risk the climate crises getting really bad. Oceans rising which will flood coastlines, creating millions of refugees, more periods of extreme dry (no water/bush fires) and extreme cold (look at what happened to texas). Something needs to be done about it.

Finally, veganism, for many reasons. One, the switch to veganism will be a big contributor to saving the planet. Whether you’re talking about the devastation we do to places like the Amazon Rain forest and other ecosystems to clear the way for animal farming, or whether you’re talking about reducing emissions. Most emissions and waste from agriculture are from the production phase of animal farming. So much food, water, and energy is wasted by giving it to billions of animals that we purposefully breed into existence, then slaughter, rinse and repeat, every single year, when we could just grow food and give water to people and skip out the middle man (think about how many people are hungry and without water in the world).

Philosophically, it is also wrong to kill a living creature that desires to live, that is able to connect with other living things and it surrounding, to form bonds. A cow, pig, chicken, lamb, sheep, are no different than a dog, cat, or rabbit, and they should not be killed, exploited, and tortured (confinement, abusive conditions in industrial farms) for pleasure. I know it’s pleasure for most people, because vegans are living proof that you can live happy and healthy lives without animal products. Vegans are statistically healthier than non-vegans, and we can get all the nutrients we need, even on an inexpensive diet. There are exceptions of course. A very small portion of people literally cannot eat plants and can only eat meat, and the developing world doesn’t have the same access to vegan products as the developed world does. Those people are valid, but many many people can make the switch and they should, especially in the developed world

All I see from this is making the world better. Hopefully you can too.

[jpegjade]

Smile for the Camera - Spencer

it’s 2 days late but i havE A NEW FIC! i don’t really know what else to say this time so yeah here you go!

gender: not mentioned/neutral

type: fluff

warnings: none

______

You hoped you weren’t going to be late. There was an accident on the highway when you were on your way over to Rossi’s house and you kept praying to whatever was out there for you to make it on time. 

Pulling up to the driveway, you saw lights on in the house but the blinds were closed. so you couldn't tell if anything was happening. You heaved a big sigh and grabbed your camera bag. 

“Here we go.” You said to yourself. 

It was always a big production to go to weddings, no matter how small they are. Weddings were draining in the best ways. You loved seeing people in love but it was hard with how little was going in your life sometimes. 

You got a text from Will that read, ’Just walk straight to the backyard when you get here. That’s where we will do the ceremony.’ 

You quietly walked to the back gate and gasped. The decorations were simple but beautiful. String lights, candles, lightly decorated chairs. You felt the urge to cry coming on but you held back. You had a job to do while everyone was gone at the end of the night, then you could cry out of happiness. 

Click. One picture down. Click click. More photos loaded as you got shots in. This was the most calming moment, when there was no one around and you got to be by yourself and get your jitters out. The sound of the camera shutter was so loud in your head but so quiet when you worked. 

“Well look who it is!” A southern New Orleans accent drawled from behind you as you wrapped up shooting. 

“Wil!” You turned, opening your arms to hug your best friend’s fiance. 

You and Will had always been reasonably close because of your bonds with JJ. You didn’t meet the people in her life often but you heard stories and when Will officially came into the picture, you were in love with his chemistry with JJ. You knew this day would happen, especially after Henry, it was only a matter of time.

“Are you ready, big guy?” You asked, taking in his dapper appearance. 

He looked so nice that you knew JJ was going to cry when she saw him. Hell, you were going to cry when you see her and you get to see her before everyone else. Let’s face it… You were just going to cry over everything. Everything was cry-worthy because you knew it was all done in love. Everything here was about love.

“No. I mean yes, I get to call her my wife but I have been practicing my vows for an hour and I still don’t know what to say.” Will chucked as you smiled with him. 

“I think you’ve got it.” You comforted him. 

You were about to say something when someone yelled about JJ pulling up in the driveway. This was Will’s cue to greet JJ at the door with Henry. They arrived in separate cars so Will could get the surprise together but the ruse was that Will was picking up a specific wine as a gift to Rossi since it was his party and you always bring the party host wine. It was a ruse because in reality, Will got to Rossi’s place early to make sure that everything was up and running as smoothly as possible. 

Suddenly, a group of people came walking out of the backdoor. You started taking photos of them coming out as if they were the bridal party, the bridesmaids and groomsmen who stand on the altar with the couple, but you knew they were the guests. 

The first guy out of the door winked at you, causing you to feel your face get hot. Whenever people gave themselves attention through the camera, you felt like it was attention towards you because you were the person behind the camera. You often had to remind yourself that it’s all for the camera, not you. 

“Hey, y/n!” Emily called as she grew closer to you. She was right behind the guy so you didn’t see her until she was standing right in front of you.

“You look really nice.” You said, taking a picture of Emily. She looked slightly bashful at the sight of the camera on her but she went with it anyway. 

You met Emily before at a dinner party that JJ invited you to. Emily, JJ, and Penelope sat around JJ’s kitchen table drinking wine and JJ invited you over because she knew you could use the break to chit chat and be with people without being under pressure to mingle and make business connections like at weddings. You always thought she was a bit brash but you also appreciated how straight-forward Emily always was. 

“Thank you. Are you going to photograph the wedding?” Emily asked as you walked to the middle of the aisle together. Emily was on her way to talk to someone else in the yard and you were waiting for JJ, Will and Henry to come out the back door. 

“Yeah. Will asked me to do it. “ You smiled. 

“I know you’ll do great. You always do.” Emily was genuinely complimenting you and it was your turn to be bashful. 

Being a friend of JJ, she always had you take their family photos so she could post them to Facebook and frame them. Emily obviously saw your photos, along with JJ’s many friends and family, so she kept up with you. 

Emily walked to her seat while you noticed Rossi and JJ’s mother walking to the back door. You followed at a distance, your longest distance lens ready to capture JJ’s face. All you could see was mouths moving but you kept the camera going until it hit her. click click click clickˆ. There was the recognition on JJ’s face about what was happening. 

“Y/n!” JJ noticed you behind Rossi, who you knew as the rich older guy whose house hosted many dinner nights that you were often invited to but you were too busy with weddings and other events on the weekends to go. It was nice to actually attend for once. 

“JJ!” You said, a big smile spreading on your face. 

You can JJ hugged before her mom ushered the two of you off to a room. 

“You knew?” JJ asked as you got pictures of her and her mom getting her dressed in that gorgeous gown. 

It fit her so nicely that it was almost like it was made for JJ… Little did she know that you had a hand in making sure it was fitted to her perfectly leading up to the wedding. It was a challenge but you were able to figure out her measurements through compiling a series of images, some of her clothes, and a special 3D rendering program that Penelope helped program. It sounds easy but it was incredibly difficult to put together in a short amount of time to ensure that the dress was going to be a perfect fit.

“Kinda. It was a last minute thing, which gave me no time to spoil it.” You weren’t the best at secrets but you were by far better than Penelope. You learned that pretty soon after you met her for the first time. 

“Well, I’m glad you’re here. I wouldn’t want to be here without you.” JJ said, her mom zipping her up finally. 

You gave the two of them time alone while you went and looked for a good place to set up. You could feel the tears coming on as you closed the door to the bedroom but you took a deep breath. It was a happy day and you were just feeling overwhelmed. Weddings could be stressful and a lot to handle a lot of the time but they made you happy at the end of the day. 

As you stood in the front row, waiting for JJ to walk down the aisle, you noticed a boy out of the corner of your eye, just talking to Emily. He glanced over at you for a moment, fixing his hair, before focusing on Emily again. You wondered if he worked with JJ… 

The ceremony came and went. From JJ’s gorgeous dress under the stars to Henry and WIll looking nice and the photos of the first kiss, you couldn’t stop crying between shots. It was hard to see but thank the lord for autofocus because you wouldn’t be able to nail the manual focus through your tears. You had never seen her so happy, other than when you saw her in the hospital holding Henry for the first time, so this was an amazing occasion. You missed being a guest for a special moment like this but you would be sobbing if you weren’t doing a job. 

As JJ, Will and Henry walked inside for a little bit for a private moment after the ceremony, you were left outside by yourself as everyone started to mingle. Out of sheer anxiety, you flipped through your preview screen with all of your shots on your camera. With JJ inside, Penelope at the snack table, and Emily dancing with a tall, commanding man with dark hair, you were left not knowing anyone. 

You decided to go sit down at a table and take a break when you heard Henry’s laugh. Looking up, you noticed the cute guy doing magic tricks with Henry over by the table. You couldn’t help but stare at the two of them, a pang in your heart. 

With all of your friends getting married or engaged, you found yourself getting lonlier. They were all pairing off and getting on with their lives while you were committed to your job. That was perfectly fine but your photos couldn’t talk back to you when you were alone at night, needing an emotional connection. 

Click. Click. Click. You took more shots of Henry smiling from afar, pausing to look at the previews, before you went inside to get something to drink. If anyone needed a shot right now, it was you.

Two shots in, you heard a door closing behind you. 

“You should say hi to him.” JJ said, smiling. 

Instinctively, she was playing with her wedding ring. It was a foreign object on her hand so of course she would play with it between her fingers. 

“I should not do that. I’m here to work.” You smiled back. 

The smile was a little bit forced because you had this conversation with JJ before. You see a cute person and JJ encourages you to go for it. You shoot her down and tell her all the reasons it wouldn’t work out. The two of you laugh about it and move on. 

“Spence is a nice guy.” JJ chuckled, looking out to the backyard. 

“His name is Spence?” You asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Spencer Reid is his name.” JJ corrected. “But I’ve always called him Spence when no one would give him a nickname when he first got to the BAU.” 

“Oh, that’s cute.” You said, distractedly. 

Looking over at Spencer, he was still playing with Henry. Another magic trick that piqued your interest as you tried to see how he did it. He was just too smooth because you couldn’t see the switcheroo moment. 

“Go, talk to him! Take a break for a little bit. You’ve been working this entire time and I know the shots aren’t going to cure the lonely feeling.” JJ said, a soft smile on her face. 

You thought about it for a second, slowly feeling the effects of the shots flowing to your head. It wasn’t enough to knock you off balance but enough to loosen you up a little bit. 

“I just might.” You said, your resolve hitting you. 

JJ smiled at you as you went outside to where Spencer sat. One. Two. One. Two. You counted your steps, looking down at your feet as you felt the nerves threatening to come back up. Where was the confidence you felt a minute ago? You could do this. 

Just when you were about to open your mouth, Henry spotted you and came running up to hold your leg. 

“Y/N!” He yelled, looking up at you. 

In the second you paused to gain your balance and look down at Henry, you looked back up to see Spencer talking to the guy that winked at your camera in the beginning of the wedding. They seemed to be talking about something serious so you gave up and decided to dance with Henry. 

“Hey buddy, will you dance with me?” You asked Henry, who was still clinging to your leg. You took your camera from it’s resting place on your chest and placed it in your shoulder bag. 

Henry nodded his head and the two of you went out to the dance floor, him holding onto your hands and swaying off tempo. You were looking at Henry, who occasionally let go of your hand to push the hair out of his face, and sneaking glances at Spencer, who was starting to look deflated in his conversation. You wondered what he was talking about that made him deflate at a wedding. 

“Mind if I cut in?” Will’s voice shook you out of your wandering thoughts about Spencer. 

“Of course. I’m sure you guys should have a family dance.” You said, stepping away. 

“I wanted to dance with you, not him.” Will chuckled.

Henry ran over to his mom, who was at the snack table with Spencer, while you and will had a dance. You didn’t even notice Spencer get up and move. 

“This is beautiful.” You said, looking around. You noticed the air get a little chilly but you were still moving so it didn’t bother you. 

“It really came together in time.” Will chuckled, knowing how much of a hassle it was to pull everything together. 

“No thanks to you, of course.” You smiled. 

Over Will’s shoulder, you could see JJ and Spencer still talking. They looked so light and fun. You wondered what they were talking about. You couldn’t see JJ’s face but Spencer was looking up at the stars until he wasn’t. Suddenly, he was making eye contact with you. 

You felt your face grow hot as you looked away, Will’s voice calling you back from your thoughts. 

“You should go talk to him. You’ll enjoy his… Quirks.” Will chuckled, continuing to sway with you. 

“Quirks, huh? He’s that bad? Maybe I shouldn’t go for it…” You said, thinking about how your previous experiences with guys with quirks landed you more single than an amoeba. 

“I think you would like him. He knows a lot about… Well everything.” He said as the song came to an end. 

“Well, I’ll see. I want to get more shots of you, JJ and Henry dancing together.” You said, grabbing your camera out of your shoulder bag and taking a few steps back to capture Will smiling. 

Click. Click. 

You checked the images and were satisfied enough to move on… Almost. 

“Can I borrow that?” Will asked, pointing to your camera. 

“For what?” You asked, genuinely curious what he could use it for at his own wedding when he literally paid you to take care of photos. 

“I want to show JJ how I see her, with the help of your camera.” Will said, dreamily as the two of you stared at JJ and Henry dancing together. 

“Okay… I don’t know what I’ll do now, though.” You nervously chuckled. 

It was a little bit deflating to give up your camera. You really wanted a reason to talk to Spencer and you typically used taking pictures of someone as an excuse to actually talk to them. Without your camera, how are you supposed to do that?

“Here, I’ll be your wingman.” Will nudged you before you could realize that Spencer was walking toward the two of you. 

Before you had time to react, Will put the camera up to his face and started taking pictures.

“This is harder than I expected…” Will muttered, watching you smile. 

“What’s hard?” Spencer asked, standing arms length away from you. 

The three of you stood in a triangle, staring at each other for a moment. You felt naked and defenseless against the situation without your camera. Will was trying to understand it before he went over to JJ. 

“You know, the first photo of a person was an accident. So by taking pictures of me, you’re doing more than the first technical portrait photographer was doing, in terms of effort and intention. The art of photography really is a numbers game, if you think about it. Along the x and y-axis, you’re attempting to capture a moment of time on a plane of existence that is completely irrelevant to the numbers related to the…” 

“Spence.” JJ said, seemingly coming out of nowhere. She smiled and shook her head as if the two of them went through that routine normally. 

“Related to the plane of imagery.” You mumbled, knowing you heard that from somewhere but not sure where. 

Will, JJ, and Spencer all heard you finish Spencer’s sentence, although it was natural. 

“You listened to my ted talk.” Spencer said, smiling. 

“That was you?” You asked, meeting Spencer’s eyes. They looked so pretty up close, when the light hit them a certain way. 

“Yes! It was supposed to be a regular lecture but they were trying a new format and wanted to know if I would be willing to do it that way. I didn’t mind but it was hard to…” Spencer trailed off when he looked over at JJ. 

“Will, I think we should let them work out the logistics of...cameras… While you and I hang out with Henry. The night seems to be winding down. I think there’s one song left before Rossi kicks us out.” JJ chuckled. 

Spencer shifted on his feet as JJ, Will, and your camera went to the dance floor, where Henry was talking to Emily. 

“Your name is Spencer, right?” You asked, rocking on the heels of your shoes. 

“Dr. Spencer Reid.” He said, looking at you with a small smile.

“Oh. You’re a doctor…” You said, trying to figure out how old he was. 

“I’m not that old, no. I was accelerated in my learning as a child so I finished everything earlier than expected.” He said, seemingly reading into what you were thinking. 

There was an awkward silence that fell between the two of you. You wanted to fill it so badly but you didn’t want to actually think about what to fill it with. You spent yet another night pining over a boy who wasn’t going to have any interest in you, just like every other wedding you go to. 

“So… How about those stars…” You chuckled. 

“Do you think… Maybe... Would you be interested in dancing with me?” Spencer was stumbling over his words as the last song of the night came on through the speakers. One of your favorite songs…

“Finally.” You breathed out before realizing what you said. “I mean yes, I would love to dance with you.” 

Leading you out to the empty makeshift dance floor, the music played softly in the background as Spencer slipped his hand around your waist. 

“Garcia said you would be someone nice to know.” Spencer said, swaying with you. 

“I beg to differ but I guess I shouldn’t say those things to cute boys.” 

It was different from dancing with Will. Dancing with Will was wasting time, just doing something to do it. Dancing with Spencer had a little purpose. The last song of the night wasn’t even slow but you and Spencer were the last ones on the dancefloor, just swaying in tune with one another. It was relaxing, if not excessively calming. 

“You think I’m cute?” Spencer asked, his eyebrows furrowing. 

“You don’t?” You followed up, genuinely confused at how he didn’t see it. 

“Well the term ‘cute’ cannot be scientifically described although the golden ratio is believed to…” Spencer squinted at something past your head, causing you to turn around. 

Behind the glassdoor of the house was the BAU, watching you and Spencer dance. As soon as they realized you were turning around, they all pretended to be talking to one another. It was a pretty bad attempt. 

“Do they always watch you do stuff like this?” You turned back to Spencer and he solemnly nodded. 

“That’s weird.” You said, glancing over your shoulder again. 

Half of the team was giving Spencer a thumbs up, including JJ. 

“What if we got out of here?” Spencer said, looking down at you. 

“Hmm?” You asked, looking at his eyes. You noticed they were warm and inviting, soft even. 

“You and I could get out of here. Get coffee, maybe?” He smiled slightly. It looked a little forced but that could be because he was nervous. 

“RIght now?” You asked, lifting your arm as he slowly spun you around. 

“RIght now. If that’s okay with you. If not, that’s fine. I get it. It’s like…” Spencer was still going when you cut him off. 

“Let’s get out of here.” You said, “I don’t want the night to end with a last dance like this.”

[chchanging]

OC Interview — Delilah Hill

Picrew 1 & 3 , Picrew 2

“Call me Lilah,” she grins, barking a friendly laugh, “everyone does.”

Are you single

Are you single

“Nope! ‘Fraid Az kinda locked this down as soon as humanly possible.” At her own words she pauses, tilting her head in thought. “Demon-ly? As fast as demon-ly possible. And then Sol just kinda...wormed his way in. Barely even noticed things had changed until they had. Feels kinda like he’s always been there, now.”

She laughs happily. “It wouldn’t feel right without them, anymore.”

Are you happy

“Right now?” She perks up, “Yeah, I suppose so! It’s Beel’s turn to cook tonight, and you know he’s actually really good at it when he doesn’t just demolish the whole thing before it gets to the table.”

Are you angry

“Why don’t you ask Lou that question,” There’s a glint in her eyes that seems distinctly mischievous, “he’ll probably say yes every time. It seems like he’s the only reason I’m ever angry anymore.”

Despite her words, she laughs good-naturedly as if remembering something fondly.

Are your parents still married

Her demeanor up until now has been rather joyful, but at this she stills and stiffens as though her spine has been replaced with a curtain rod. For a while she just stares numbly into the distance, jaw ticking now and again as if something is stuck in her teeth.

“Probably...” She hums, tone carefully neutral as she speaks slowly. “They were pretty particular about family sticking together. Can’t imagine that’s changed.”

NINE FACTS

Birth Place

“I think they were living around Detroit when they had me? I can’t recall if the hospital was actually in the city, though.”

Hair Color

She reaches up and twirls some of it around an idle finger. It’s usually a curly cloud around her head, just around her chin, but right now she’s elected to wear it in braids that are half twisted up in a fashionable knot that rests on her shoulder. “Brown. I know it can kinda look black in certain lights, but it isn’t quite that dark.”

Eye Color

“Also brown!” She winks, “aren’t they pretty?”

Birthday

“New Years Eve, so it’s nice cuz everyone’s already partying.” She grins winningly before adding, “Not to mention I always get birthday kisses!”

Mood

“Now or in general? I like to think I’m pretty chill unless given a reason not to be! And sometimes even when I do have a reason not to be!”

She stretches, leaning back in her seat until her back pops, “Did Lou tell you that when they initially brought me to the Devildom I was still half-drunk from a night of partying and the biggest worry I had at the time was where and when I could go back to sleep?”

Gender

She puffs out her cheeks and blows air out through an O in her lips. “Geez, who knows? I tend to let people call me what they want because I’ve never been picky, myself. I do go by she/they’s, though! Just for future reference.”

She waves a hand as an afterthought, “Using them interchangeably is ideal.”

Summer or winter

“Summer! I hate cold!” She tilts her head, thinking a little harder, “Ah, but I love warm clothes! And drinks! Oh, and Christmas! Okay, maybe winter. But, wait—“

Morning or afternoon

“I used to like mornings, but now suddenly I’m in school again.” She smiles sarcastically in what must be Lucifer’s direction. “Not that I wasn’t taking courses back in the human world, but at least the schedule was my choice!”

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE?

Are you in love

She flutters her lashes like one is apparently supposed to do when one is in love, lips pulled into an amused smile. “What’s not to love?”

Do you believe in love at first sight

“No,” She laughs as if she can’t even imagine such a thing, “but a lot of things can be confused with love, yeah? So it’s easy to be mistaken. The real thing needs to simmer a bit, I think.”

Who ended your last relationship

“ I was about as good at that as I was at starting them. It’s kind of funny that I’m seeing two people now, this is the first time I’ve done something like that.”

Have you ever broken someone’s heart

“Well, some hearts need to be broken!” She shrugs nonchalantly. “Some people think they’re entitled to a lot more than they really are. Reality bites. Hopefully it taught them a lesson.”

Are you afraid of commitments

She seems to take a moment to digest the question. Her fingers tap a rhythm out atop her thigh and she hums along with a little tune. Then, abruptly she stops, straightening up and smiling a little sadly. “After growing up with paranoid parents, it was kinda hard to know who to trust. They taught me that no one was worth it.” Her eyes go far away, again, like she’s looking into the past.

“I liked being on my own. Or I...thought I did? Then I met the brothers and learned about them a little more. I don’t think I could go back, Y’know? Commitment in any form is scary because it leaves you vulnerable, but I’m realizing that sometimes that can be a good thing.”

Have you hugged someone within the last week

“Of course! Asmo tries to convince me he’d die if he went a single day without one. Mamo gets pouty, too, but he’d never admit it. I can’t just not hug Bee, because I’m not a monster.”

She counts out her fingers a few times and then gives a bashful smile, “Okay, so Y’know I think all the brothers get at least one a week, even if Lev and Mamo try to convince me they don’t want ‘em. Sol is usually the one hugging me, though, so I don’t have to do all the work.”

Have you ever had a secret admirer

“Maybe? No one’s ever come forward. Hence the secret.”

Have you ever broken your own heart

“Now, isn’t that a loaded question?” She hums, giving no sign that she’s going to answer it.

SIX CHOICES

Love or Lust

“Both have their uses,” mirth colors her tone. It would seem her opinion has changed rather recently. “You’ll have to excuse me. When I was a kid ‘love’ was just a word used to control people. I haven’t had a reason to reevaluate until now...”

Lemonade or iced tea

“I like ‘em both as long as they’re really sweet—and that really depends on who makes ‘em.” She sighs, looking a little forlorn, “It’s been so long...not many places down here serve human food. Sometimes Lou brings back something nice for us all, though.”

Cats or Dogs

“CATS!” She answers so quickly and emphatically she nearly falls out of her chair, and when she straightens back up she has to bury her face in her hands and lean forward onto her knees. “I miss my caaaat, dude!”

She shoots back upright, eyes blazing and a little ready. “When I went back after my first year here, almost no time had passed in the human world, so I know Sweet and Sour Sauce doesn’t miss me too much. I’m still trying to get Lou to let me bring her down here with me, though.”

A few best friends or many regular friends

“A few best, for sure! I’ve made better friends in the Devildom than I ever have before.”

Wild night out or romantic night in

She taps a finger against her jaw in thought. “Asmo knows all the fun places to go, so when Solomon’s busy we usually do that. When it’s just me and Sol we usually stay in—and when it’s all three of us, too.” Eventually she gives up, shaking her head, “I’m just happy to be involved!”

Day or night

“I’ve learned to appreciate the night in a place where there’s only darkness” She smiles wryly. “Some things are worth the trade offs.”

FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS

Been caught sneaking out

She lifts a single finger in front of a cheeky smile. “I was never really the sneaky type, so you can imagine how often I got chewed out.”

Fallen down/up the stairs

A significant pout forms, “Why do you need to know that?” She sputters, cheeks turning a suspicious red. Sometimes no answer is answer enough.

Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt

“Plenty.” Is all she seems willing to say. She studies the nails of her right hand a little too closely to be entirely nonchalant.

Wanted to disappear

“Geez, aren’t we getting heavy?!” She forces another one of her smiles, but it doesn’t manage to be quite as carefree as the others.

“Who hasn’t at least once, am I right? The first few weeks of the exchange program especially were really tough. I hadn’t made any friends, I was in this strange new place, and I lived with a bunch of dudes who ranged from indifferent to openly disdainful. It felt like the whole year was going to be hell—no pun intended.”

FOUR PREFERENCES

Smile or eyes

“Smile! They make eyes prettier, anyway, and I like knowing I’ve made someone happy.”

Shorter or Taller

“Usually I prefer shorter,” She shrugs, a little nonchalant bounce of her slim shoulders, “but I’m pretty average height so it doesn’t happen as often as I’d like.”

Intelligence or Attraction

“Attraction. If I’m into someone first, smarts only enhance that—but if I don’t like you, being sharp isn’t going to change that. I can respect someone who’s knowledgeable, though, don’t get me wrong.”

Hook-up or Relationship

She lightens up considerably at this, “Relationships! I don’t think I could ever go back to just hooking up now that I’ve got these two goofballs.”

FAMILY

Do you and your family get along

“I get along with the brothers just fine,” She puts emphasis on her words in a way that suggest there’s no other discussion to be had—even if that wasn’t exactly what the question was referring to, it is obvious who she considers to be family these days.

Would you say you have a “messed up life”

She chuckles a little bit. “Maybe? I mean I was living mostly on my own, estranged from my only family, and then I got dragged to hell, so...”

Have you ever ran away from home

“No, I never quite mustered up the courage to go that far.” She says wistfully, “Just waited until I was old enough to move out.”

Have you ever gotten kicked out

“Does being told if I move away from home I shouldn’t bother ever coming back count?” There’s a bitter edge to the smile she gives, but she shakes it off soon enough.

“Oh, well,” She hums, “I’ve been doing fine, anyway. Their loss.”

FRIENDS

Do you secretly hate one of your friends

“Not currently, but sometimes when you’re a kid you hang around certain people just because they’re the only option, Y’know?”

Do you consider all of your friends good friends

She tilts her head to the side, pondering, “There are definitely a couple I’d like to know better—Dia and Barb being two. I also don’t get to see Sim as often as I’d like.”

Who is your best friend

She giggles musically, and almost cheeky undertone to it. “I’d say Az and Sol, but I suppose you mean excluding my boyfriends.”

She kicks her feet idly as she sits, bobbing her head to a song seemingly only she can hear. “Tanner’s—sorry, that’s Satan—he’s really easy to have a long conversation with. We can go back and forth for hours and we’ll barely notice time pass until we finally come up for air and it’s, like, already dinner time.”

Who knows everything about you

“That one would have to go to my boyfriends. Ha!” Her cheeks take on a pinkish tint as she gives a chipper grin. “I doubt there’s anything left I haven’t told them about me. Anything I haven’t heard about them is mostly because they’ve lived a lot longer than I have, so there’s more material to sift through.”

[boopypastaissalty]

We Are Not Broken

The Session

Dr. Flemmings cleared his throat. “Now that all of you are here, let’s begin. The first thing I want you all to do is tell everyone what happened to you. It’s okay that you are here and you all have had similar experiences. This is a LGBTQ+ safe zone, so don’t be afraid. Who wants to start?”

Everyone looked at each other, none wanting to go first. After a few seconds of awkward silence, Logan took a deep breath, “I was kidnapped and tortured because of my gender and sexuality, along with Roman and Remus,” the twins both flinched at the statement, remembering all too well what had happened and what they had all been through together, “I have scars all over my body from the various weapons and beatings. It was hell, we were all malnourished and suffering, and I remember having to watch our kidnappers beat the everloving, pardon my language, f*ck out of Roman and Remus, I don’t remember the times I was beaten all too well, but it was all because some people thought not being cishet was a crime, found the twins and then found me.”

Dr. Flemmings nodded, “Use whatever language you need to, Logan”

“Does Spanish count?” Roman piped up, both twins were multilingual, both parents being native spanish speakers, their father from Spain and their mother from Mexico, in high school Roman took French and Remus took German and begrudgingly, at their parents request, taught each other and had become proficient in both languages. Sometimes the twins talked to each other in a strange mix of English, Spanish, French, and German, something they called Enspanchan.

“Preferably a language we all can understand, Roman”

Roman slumped a little, “Ay, lo siento” he said under his breath.

“Logan, do you have anything else to say?” Dr. Flemmings asked.

Logan shook his head and fidgeted with his hands, he had never been good at processing strong emotions, he usually distracted himself by researching and educating himself on random topics, incorporating them into his Sign Language lectures at the school he worked at.

“Uh well, I guess it’s my turn,” Patton said, interrupting Logan’s train of thought, “I was taking a walk, and some guy noticed the strap to my binder and commented on it. I didn’t think much of it, I ignored him and kept walking, but then he grabbed me and started calling me… horrible things and he dragged me into the nearby woods and…” Patton took in a deep breath, trying to calm himself down, “He took off all my clothes and destroyed my binder. He told me I’d be beautiful if I didn’t try so hard to be a man. He called me an ‘exotic beauty’ and kept asking me what kind of asian I am. And then he started touching me and…” Patton started full fledged crying, not wanting to say it. He got quieter and almost whispered, “He r*ped me… And now I’m pregnant.”

Everyone was silent for a few long seconds, Virgil finally broke the silence “That’s… horrible. What are you going to do with the baby? If you don’t mind me asking.”

Patton took another deep breath and said “I’m probably going to put them up for adoption. Someone out there probably really wants a baby and can’t have one themselves. I’m not saying everyone should do that, though, I mean everyone’s different.”

Dr. Flemmings took note of how much Patton was crying, “You feel broken, don’t you?”

“I feel broken, violated, I wish time would just stop for at least a little while. I wish I could turn back the clock to last month and tell myself to not go on a walk that day, but I know I can’t. I feel like I’m not trans enough, like maybe I’m not actually a man.”

Virgil looked at Patton, “Bullsh*t. You’re trans enough. You are just as manly as you need to be. You’re f*cking valid.” He clapped for emphasis. This was unusual behavior for him, as he didn’t like to have attention drawn to himself, but he hated it when other trans people didn’t feel valid, mainly because he knew how it felt.

“Well, kiddo, I don’t know about all that, just look at me”

“You. Are. A. Man. And. That’s. What. Matters.”

“Fine, you win”

During this exchange, Janus had been writing out their story and held up their hand in a sort of “Stop dooting your horns, you middle school band class” gesture. Everyone looked at them, they just seemed to have that presence, the type that made people shut up and pay attention without really trying. Janus passed around the notepad, which said: After a concert, a lady came up to me, nothing new there, and was haggling me about being nonbinary and how I’m just a “broken man” and then all of a sudden, I don’t really remember this well, I felt something swipe across my throat and there was a strange warm liquid coming from my neck and then it started to hurt. The next thing I knew, there was yelling and I was on the ground with my friend Ethan, he’s the drummer, Hel, pressing down on my neck. Lola, our bassit, Truth, was calling 911. I think I passed out, and when I woke up in the hospital, I was very confused. I was on so many painkillers that I was basically high out of my mind and the most important thing to me at that moment, for some reason, was chocolate chip cookies. I specifically remember being distraught that no one would bring me cookies because I couldn’t communicate that I wanted some. Anyways, that’s not important. This person probably ended my career, the one thing I actually wanted to do with my life, and I don’t know what to do about it. I might never be able to talk, let alone perform, ever again. Also some dumb*ss took a video of it and put it on YouTube and so the whole world knew before I had even arrived at the hospital.

Once everyone had read what was on the notepad, they all stared at Janus. They looked down at their legs. After a moment, Patton got up and walked over to Janus and touched their shoulder. “What else do you like to do?” he asked.

Janus shrugged.

Virgil suddenly blurted out, remembering the chaos after that concert a few weeks ago, “Wait someone put that on YouTube? How has that not been taken down?”

Janus shrugged, not knowing why either, and pulled out their phone. They found the video and played it, looking away. Patton and Virgil looked away from the video, while Logan and the twins watched, all three feeling bad that they couldn’t seem to pull away from the chaos happening on screen, like some sort of morbid scene in a TV show.

When the video finished, Logan, Roman, and Remus were in stunned silence while Janus fumbled to keep the next video from playing, the “What’s in your pants?” meme, which was when one time Janus and the rest of Duality were on a talk show, all in costume, and the host asked Janus the dreaded question, “What’s in your pants?” and Janus had immediately responded by pulling things out of their pockets and listing them, the items getting more obscure as they went “Phone, wallet, keys, worm-on-a-string, tiny rainbow plastic babies, a dead mouse, Quetzalcoatl? [Quetzalcoatl is Janus’s pet hognose snake], and a barbie head.” the clip had spread like wildfire and had become a large part of what Janus’s stage persona, Deceit, had been known for. Everyone in the band had their own costume, usually involving half of the face being different from the other, Janus’s Deceit costume had a Jack the Ripper vibe and they had makeup to look like scales on the left side of their face. Ethan’s Hel was an all black suit and the left half of his body was made to look like dead, rotting flesh. Lola’s Truth had a black and white lace dress and her makeup was meant to make her look inhuman and had several extra eyes on the right side of her face. The final member, Tori’s Valhalla looked like a norse warrior, the right side of their face looked scarred and they wore an eyepatch over their right eye, like Odin.

“That kind of reminds me of what happened to me,” Virgil said with a shudder once the video was over. “I was hanging out with my friend, May, after your,” Virgil pointed at Janus, “concert and ended up crashing at her place. I tend to sleep pretty heavily, so I was surprised when I woke up on the autopsy table for the mortuary science program at the college I used to go to. I had barely woken up before I felt something that felt like a punch in my abdomen. I saw May, she had a knife and looked angry, she stabbed me four more times, repeatedly calling me a dirty tr*nny. I don’t think she realized I was awake. Thing is, she was the one who supported me the most during my transition and always had my back when I had first come out. That’s what hurt the most. She had apparently secretly hated me all these years and just now was releasing all that. I didn’t dare move until she had left and I started to crawl towards the desk phone at the professor's desk. I was almost there when I passed out. I woke up again to the professor shaking me, he’d always liked me and was concerned about me. He told me he had called 911 and shortly after I was hauled into an ambulance and carted away to the hospital, swimming in and out of consciousness. I think May was planning on killing me and having me be found dead on the autopsy table as a morbid surprise for the mortuary science teacher and his first period class of that day.” He was trying to control his breathing and he felt his heart rate speeding up. Virgil hoped that no one would notice and call him out on it.

Janus started writing and then showed Virgil: Was May at the concert too?

“Yeah why?” Breath, dammit, breath. Virgil chided himself

Janus scrunched their eyebrows and started writing again: What does she look like?

“Do you think-” Virgil cut himself off, took in a deep breath, and found a picture of May on his phone. She had a black bob with straight bangs and wore dark makeup.

Janus looked at the picture, That’s her, they wrote. One thing I didn’t mention before was that she had gotten away.

Suddenly Remus started talking “I’d stim and they’d hurt me.” Roman looked at his brother, remembering how Remus would make weird sounds, start shaking his leg, or drumming his fingers on whatever surface he could get to, and after a while their kidnappers had realized that Remus’s fidgeting and sounds were him stimming, one of his ways to try and calm himself down, started beating him more when he did. “And it started happening more and more because I was more stressed and then I had to force myself to not and I had so much pent up, that everything was a million times louder, even the smallest touches were too much, and my head felt so light and it was like I was feeling everything and nothing all at once, like I was both on fire and numb and I don’t know how to describe it.” Even now, Remus was trying to keep himself from stimming, he had his hands firmly grasped together and his legs were crossed unnaturally tight and he was visibly getting upset.

This was the first time Roman had even heard Remus talk about it. He hadn’t realized how much Remus had suffered and how different it was from how Logan and Roman had suffered. No wonder he was so despondent. He was overloaded in every way. Roman noticed how tight Remus was wound up and pulled something out of his pocket, a long, green silicone fidget toy that had small bumps on it for texture. “Hey,” Roman addressed his brother and handed him the fidget toy, “breath.” Remus took it and fidgeted, reminding himself that it was safe to stim now. “You never said how bad it was for you.” Roman said quietly.

Remus nodded, “I didn’t know how to say it.” He had nothing else to say.

Roman looked around after a long moment of silence. “I felt powerless. I’m almost always able to help, but I couldn't do anything. It was so awful only being able to watch, almost worse than getting beat regularly.” Roman fell silent again, not knowing what else to say.

“You feel like you have to be the hero, don’t you? You feel obligated to do it?” Dr. Flemmings asked. Roman thought for a moment and then nodded. “Since we’re coming to a close, I want to tell you all that you all did a good job today. Here’s what I want you all to do: Patton, read Galileo by Pual Tran, I think you’d benefit from it. Janus, I want you to write, I don’t care what you write, whether it be a song, a poem, a backtrack, whatever, as long as you express yourself with it. Virgil, I want you to use methods to regulate your breathing like the 4, 7, 8 technique and I want you to try carrying around a stress ball, same goes for you, Remus. Logan, I want you to express yourself more and come up with a way for you to get your feelings out in a safe manner. Roman, I want you to think about why you feel obligated to be the hero. And lastly I think you all can benefit from each other, as you have all had similar experiences. Thank you all for attending.”

Everyone started saying their goodbyes and started leaving. Janus met up with an older guy in the lobby who nudged them and said “Happy birthday, kid.” The older guy looked a little sad, like he was remembering something tragic. Everyone heard him wish Janus a happy birthday and started wishing them a happy birthday as well.

Patton looked at the guy and said “Is this your dad, Janus?”

Janus shook their head no and at the same time the guy said “I’m their brother. John, by the way.”

“You guys are siblings? Wow! I never would have guessed!”

Janus looked slightly embarrassed, everyone always confused John for their dad, which wasn’t too far off as John and his wife had raised them. “Yeah the twenty-one year age gap doesn’t help,” John said, lowering his gaze somewhat, just wanting Patton to change the subject.

Janus broke off from John for a moment, wrote something down and handed it to Patton. It said: He’s a little sensitive about family history. Mom died while having me and we don’t know who my dad is, so he had to raise me. That’s why he looks a little sad today.

Patton’s mouth formed a silent “O” as he slipped the paper into his pocket and waved goodbye “Have a nice day!”

John looked at his sibling, “What did that say?”

I said you were having a bad day.

“Oh, okay” he believed the white lie.

Logan was on the phone “I know dad, you’ve told me the story every year for as long as I can remember. I’m about to get in the car, so I’ll call you back”

John looked at Logan and whispered to Janus “What are their pronouns?”

He/him Janus wrote

“He looks and sounds a lot like the doctor who delivered you.”

Janus shrugged and started walking towards their car, a black Jeep, and got in, deciding to go to the cafe that John worked at, knowing that John had to go to work, and besides, they were hungry.

Masterpost

[writing-reading-inspiring]

A Maddening World (Peter Parker X Reader) - Chapter One

Summary: (y/n) was only trying to get volunteer hours in order to gain admission into NYU. However, the Stark Mental Institution held more than she bargained for when she meets her patient, Peter Parker. She never planned to get mixed up with someone who is set on the idea that an alien named Thanos snapped half of all living creatures away and made everyone else forget, yet here she is. The universe has a funny way of trying to correct itself.

Chapter One  ~  Chapter Two  ~  Chapter Three

My life loves to be one adventure after another, which is why I was hoping to have a calm summer. Of course, this couldn’t happen. At least it couldn’t once my school counselor told me that I could kiss my dreams of going to NYU down the drain if I don’t get something impressive on my resume.

This is what led me to currently be on my way to the famous Stark Mental Institution with my best friend and life saver, Liz Allen. We're part of a program that takes in young teens from local high schools and gives them a summer volunteer opportunities. It's great on college applications, so why not? We're about 5 minutes away and I still have no idea what I'm going to do. We're supposed to get a talk about how we should go around and help the patients when we get there. Luckily, we’ve been assured that none of the patients that we’ll be working with are dangerous, which is why we’re allowed to be a sort of nurse to them. The silence in the car was thick until Liz broke it. "How do you think it will go?" "I don't know. Good, I hope," I replied, nervously picking at my cuticles. Silence rested over us again until we pulled up to the building. We piled out and I watched as our cab driver blended into the heavy New York traffic. I turn to find a man in a crisp black suit, that looked to be about in his 40's. "Hello, my name is Mr. Hogan, I'm the head of staff and security here," the man spoke, "If you would please follow me."

He turned and walked off into the building. We followed until he stopped in front of the elevator. "On the 4th floor to the right at the end of the hall there is a volunteer break room. There you will find your patient profiles and exactly what to do with them. There should be a schedule that you must follow exactly. Please do not say anything about your patient or their schedule. Each of you have a desk that holds your uniforms. Everything is very simple and straightforward. With both of your recommendations that we’ve received, I’m sure that you’ll be able to handle the two patients. Just be sure to follow your instructions and use common sense. If you have any questions, ask a staff member or me if I’m not too busy. If either of you have any questions, ask now," Mr. Hogan informed us. Neither of us said anything, so Mr. Hogan nodded his head. "If that’s all, I will be leaving you two on your own."

With that, Mr. Hogan walked down the hallway to what I could only presume is his office.

When we walked onto the elevator Liz began to speak, "He seems pretty happy with his job, don’t you think?” I couldn’t help but giggle at her remark.

I made sure to press the button for the 4th floor and we started our ascent.

“Anyway, why do we have to do exactly what the schedule says?" "Probably because they want the patients to be on a schedule and they don't want to disrupt it" I replied to her. Right after I said that the doors open to reveal a long hallway. The walls were white and the floors were marble tile. There were huge windows in the middle. As we were passing by them I could see a massive garden. We reached the end and opened the door that said volunteers only. The room was a decent size, only containing a fridge, two tables with chairs surrounding them, and several desks. We went to the desk with our respective names on them and began rummaging around. I was able to locate my uniform on the top right hand drawer. They weren’t much, just black yoga pants and a blue shirt that had the name of the hospital on it. We also got badges that allowed us to walk around the hospital without being questioned. Liz was first to look at the profile and schedule that we were given. I could see her face goes through different emotions like confusion, surprise, and even anger. “What’s up Liz? You don’t seem too happy,” I told her.

“Oh, it’s nothing, just I was kind of hoping to be able to help my brother,” she told me while raising her head.

“I’m sorry, Liz. I’m sure it’s just company policy though. I mean, you could give special treatment to family members. Anyways, who do you have anyway?”

“Oh, I guess giving the name can’t really put anyone in harm's way. My patients name is Brad Davis. What about you?”

I couldn’t help but chuckle, “Oh, I haven’t even looked yet hold on.”

I pulled out the manila office folder than was underneath my uniform. I quickly went over it: Name: Peter Parker Age: 18 Gender: Male Race: Caucasian Family: May Parker Emergency Contact: (347)-625-6396 Room: Floor 6 - Room 621 Mental Illness: Major Depression, Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, Delusional Disorder Other disorders: N/A Medication: Two Pills During Each Meal Additional Information: Believes That Man Named Thanos Destroys Half Of The Population & Made It So No One Remembers Schedule: 8:00 - 8:30 ~ Breakfast & Take Pills 8:30 - 9:00 ~ Personal Hygiene 9:00 - 11:00 ~ See Therapist 11:00 - 12:00 ~ Exercise 12:00 - 12:30 ~ Lunch & Take Pills 12:30 - 1:00 ~ Free Time 1:00 - 2:30 ~ Schooling 2:30 - 4:00 ~ Socializing 4:00 - 6:00 ~ See Therapist 6:00 - 6:30 ~ Dinner & Take Pills 6:30 - 7:00 ~ Free Time 7:00 - 8:00 ~ Quiet Hour 8:00 ~ Bed When I was done reading I looked up to find Liz looking at me expectantly. 

“His name is Peter Parker,” I told her.

She nodded her head as I looked at the clock, only to realize that it was already 7:50.

My eyes widened, “We have to go, Liz. I’ll see you tonight or if we run into each other at one point.” We quickly said our goodbyes and went our separate ways. I ran to the elevator and hit the button for floor 6. On the way up I looked over his profile again. I wonder how an 18 year old person can be like this. As soon as the elevator doors open I step out only to run into someone. "Sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going," they apologized. "No it's my fault I shouldn't have rushed out," I took a second to look him over and soon realize that he is really cute with brown eyes and black hair, "my name is (y/n)." "Brad Davis" "Well it’s nice to meet you Brad, I’m glad I was able to meet someone new on my first day." "What do you mean?" "Oh, sorry. That was pretty vague. I'm a part of the volunteer program." "Oh, I heard about that. Well it's a shame I can't spend the summer with you. I’m one of the patients whose a part of it" "Yeah, well you get to spend it with someone else who I’m sure is amazing."

“Yeah, but they might not be as pretty,” he told me with a smug smirk.

I couldn’t help but blush at the comment.

Luckily he decided to save me from my misery and ask, "So who do you have?" "Oh, Peter Parker." "Parker, huh? Yeah I'm his friend, cool guy, at least from what I can tell. It's hard to know since he doesn't speak much." "Yeah, well I really should go, but it was nice meeting you." "You too, I would really hurry though, you only have 2 minutes and his room is all the way at the end of the hall to the right." "Thanks, I'll see you around." "I hope so." With that he left, leaving me in front of the elevator door. I snapped back into reality and hurried down the hall, earning me some pitiful glances from nurses and doctors. Brad seems like a nice guy and I'm starting to regret not getting him as my patient, but I'm sure I'll see him around. I couldn't believe I'm crushing on a patient and I've only been here for 10 minutes. I keep walking until I see the number 621 on the plate next to the door. 8:00, perfect timing. As I walked in, what I saw was not what I was expecting. There in a chair sat a boy with messy, yet curly brown hair that looked like he just came in from a windy day and chocolate colored eyes that made you feel as though everything would be alright. He turns his head from the window and gives me a smile that lets me know how much of a puppy dog he truly is. He opens his mouth to utter a word that turned my life around. "Hi"

[jaimehqs]

Did you see the moving van outside? It looks like there is a new resident moving in. There’s a new name on the resident directory and it’s JAMES ‘JAIME’ CARMICHAEL. They are a 34 year old PEDIATRIC NEUROSURGEON (CURRENTLY IN FELLOWSHIP) and they seem quite cool. Well, they come across as someone who is COMPASSIONATE, RECLUSIVE & DEMURE but they can also be VERBOSE, WORKAHOLIC & STUBBORN.

TRIGGERS

as a disclaimer, below you will find triggering content, chief among them is CHILD NEGLECT and MENTIONS OF WORKING IN A HOSPITAL. my overall trigger warning tag to blacklist which will be used on ALL of my tw posts will be: hey don't look at this, but i will be tagging specific tags too.

                 PSA: if you’re interested, please check out my CONNECTIONS page !

BASIC INFORMATION

FULL NAME: james alexander malcolm carmichael

NICKNAME(S): doesn’t particularly mind his birth name, but at times people have often called him jaime.

BIRTH DATE: september 25, 1986

AGE: thirty-four

ZODIAC: libra

GENDER: cismale

PRONOUNS: he/him

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: panromantic

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: demisexual (  it isn’t so much so that cris is completely disinterested in sex (he’s got a perfectly good libido, thank you very much), he just doesn’t find himself sexually attracted to people based on physical appearance or initial impressions. instead he finds personality, intellect, and existing emotional attachment considerably more compelling )

NATIONALITY: british

ETHNICITY: english, dutch-german jewish

OCCUPATION: pediatric neurosurgeon ( currently in his fellowship program )

POSTIVE TRAITS: independent, versatile, adaptable, curious, inquisitive, intelligent, divergent thinker, anti-authoritarian, self-actualizer, flexible, original, ambitious, charismatic, creative, loyal, thoughtful, warm-hearted, respectable, compassionate

NEGATIVE TRAITS: stubborn, unconventional, uncooperative, assertive, cynical, temperamental, withdrawn, restless, insecure, jealous, intolerant, naïve, impatient

BACKGROUND

BIRTH PLACE: england, united kingdom

HOMETOWN: oxford, england

EDUCATION LEVEL: went to university of oxford and majored in human physiology, went to medical school at ucl for 4 years, did residency for 7 years, and now is currently in last few months of pediatric neurosurgeon fellowship program

FATHER: william carmichael

MOTHER: diana carmichael

SIBLING(S): two older brothers and one older sister: nathaniel, matthew, and sarah

CHILDREN: none

PET(S): female ragdoll call named ginsberg ( yes, she’s named after allen ginsberg )

OTHER IMPORTANT RELATIVES: cecelia and grant ( grandparents on mom’s side )

PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS: 2 serious romantic relationships in the past

BACKSTORY

— TRIGGER WARNING BEGINS —

- when someone hears the name carmichael, they automatically think of words like prestigious, wealthy, and perfect. and who wouldn’t? with the father being a lawyer and mother owning her own real estate business, you had to think like that. in the public eye the carmichael family was flawless. everyone wanted what they had. jaime carmichael, was born into a world where perfection was of the utmost importance. the carmichael family is one of those prestigious families that has always been full of wealthy and high-class snobs, and jaime’s parents were no exception. he grew up learning how to be charming and how to be well behaved. jaime’s childhood years consisted of him sitting restlessly at various fancy parties and dinners, while his mother kept him from all the fancy treats so that he would grow up to be fit and strong. jaime’s parents were always cold and emotionally isolated from him, only after a perfect son to show off to the world. 

- as a young, restless little child, jaime sought escape from his shallow, chilly life in the form of a friend. his friend taught him that there was such a thing as warmth and friendliness, told him lots of stories of greek mythology, and he learned that his parents had been lying about “tactless individuals” being horrible people. however, when his father found out about his associations with his friend, within a week, the boy mysteriously disappeared. since then, jaime kept all his unapproved-of friends to himself except from his grandparents on his mom's side who loved him unconditionally and were his best friends.

— TRIGGER WARNING ENDS —

 - jaime is the youngest child of the 4 carmichael children & although there are age gaps between him and his siblings he doesn’t feel as though he’s the stereotypical ‘forgotten child’. this reason is solely base off the fact he typically makes himself scarce anyway to go off to do his own thing lmfao. 

- for most of his adolescents up until adulthood, jaime always has had a rather tranquil personality. he never was one to act on emotion or impulsiveness, which meant most of his time he was seen in the his father's den reading about art history, helping his mother around, etc instead of learning the family business like his other siblings. it never personally interested him, so he never thought to pay much attention.

 - because of his serene behavior, also came the fact that he’s mostly reclusive and demure, too. one would think being of carmichael blood would mean one would act diplomatic in all situations, but not for jaime. when given the chance, he will most likely be in the back listening rather than participating unless addressed, making him a great observer of his surroundings because of this skill. he prides himself on being a great listener in important situations even if people may believe he’s not particularly interested. 

- a lot of people have come to believe over the years that because of his reclusive personality, he must be unapproachable.

 - which he would clearly tell anyone that rumor is further from the truth. it’s not that he’s unapproachable, per se, it’s more of the fact he doesn’t typically go up to people to spark conversation unless it’s for work or art related means. otherwise, his conversational skills are subpar at best and he doesn’t mind much.

 - as unfortunate as people’s misconceptions are when people do have the courage to approach him, they’re always surprised he’s rather civil, zen, and all around friendly and not at all like the rumors make him out to be. he always has to laugh at those kinds of things, of course. 

- but besides that, he’s also witty and sarcastic. he likes to crack jokes and puns ever so often, even though he can have pretty dry humor at times. his sarcastic remarks are never meant to be harsh, but because of his dry humor undertones, he can sometimes come off rather offensive.

 - although jaime has patience, he’s still a carmichael through and through, which he will not let anyone forget. he is unafraid to stand up for himself when he feels he’s in the right–or at least, attempt to do so. and although he strives to contain his zen aura, he can fall into fits of frustration and annoyance quite often when his family are involved ( which happens to be quite often ). 

- jaime doesn’t care to raise his voice or scream his head off when he’s upset, because frankly, he doesn’t see that as a reason to make his point come across effectively. but when he does become upset, his silence speaks louder than any person’s words could muster. it’s actually quite scary how the atmosphere around him drastically changes when he becomes angry. in simple terms, he’s somewhat like a praying mantis in the ways he becomes very still & silent. one look can be a 1,000 words unsaid. if he’s upset at you, his silence will cut deeper than anything. 

- importantly, jaime’s romantic sexuality is panromantic, meaning he would pursue both sexes and beyond romantically. when it comes to developing a far more intimate relationship, however, jaime is demisexual. meaning it is not so much so that he is completely disinterested in sex ( he’s got a perfectly good libido, thank you very much ), he just doesn’t find himself sexually attracted to people based on physical appearance or initial impressions. instead he finds personality, intellect, and existing emotional attachment considerably more compelling.

 - although he often makes himself scarce when it comes to familial ties, jaime is fiercely protective and loyal to his family. no one will ever come between him and his family. 

- he was born and raised in oxford, england. 

- when he graduated from secondary school, he pursued a higher education by going to university of oxford. in the beginning, he wasn’t sure what he wanted to major in. the possibilities were endless, of course, but he wanted to pursue something he loved and also make a decent living on his own two feet when he graduated. at first, he thought he would be interested in something to do with the arts, but that dream died rather quickly when he rationalized how he didn’t want to make his passion for art into a full-time job that he would come to quickly hate in a few years. so, after some thought, he weighed his options and fell into step with human physiology. he always believed he had an eye for helping people and it was also a perfect career to fall into when it came to making a really great income. from there he studied his ass off by finishing university in 4 years, went to med school at ucl medical school, did his residency in 7 years, and is currently in his last few months of his pediatric neurosurgeon fellowship program. 

- to put it plan and simple jaime is an art ho. jaime always loved anything artistic. even when he was little, he would go around with his disposable camera and take pictures of everything and then take to paper to draw the things he had taken pictures of as well. 

- he’s like a hippie dippy child of the universe. no joke. no seriously, his place at home is full of sensual shit and art. it’s getting out of hand and somebody needs to stop him soon. 

- he strongly believes that art is an umbrella term that relates to expressing oneself ( not just through photography and painting ) and that everyone has the freedom to express themselves however they please. because of his beliefs, he chooses to break gender roles like bread and wears whatever the fuck he wants because yolo. 

- his appearance pretty much represents his hippie dippy lifestyle with him wearing all sorts of cute hipster shit. he’s clothes are v flow-y but don’t let that fool you. he doesn’t miss the opportunity to represent his upper-middle class within his style, so he does dress to impress, let me tell you ( he’s a fashion ho too ). his hair color changes sometimes too depending on his mood but it’s generally never too eccentric.

5 RANDOM FACTS

1. to put it plan and simple jaime is an art ho. jaime always loved anything artistic. even when he was little, he would go around with his disposable camera and take pictures of everything and then take to paper to draw of all the things he had taken pictures of as well.

2. he’s like a hippie dippy child of the universe. no joke. no seriously, his place at home is full of sensual shit and art. it’s getting out of hand and somebody needs stop him soon. he strongly believes that art is an umbrella term that relates to expressing of oneself ( not just through photography and painting ) and that everyone has the freedom to express themselves however they please. because of his beliefs, he chooses to break gender roles like bread and wears whatever the fuck he wants because yolo.

3. has a female ragroll cat named ginsberg. he named her after allen ginsberg because he’s obsessed with the dead poets society and sometimes deems himself as a member.

4. sometimes when he’s nervous, he will tap his leg pretty quickly.

5. jaime is never one to get drunk ever. he’s usually the one to always babysit the drunk ones ( he’s the honorary dad friend ), but he thought one day he would have a little solo party in his apartment on the one saturday night he had off and watch the lizzie mcguire movie for nostalgia purposes. long story short, he eventually ended up drunk on wine and recorded a whole music video of myself dancing to the ‘what dreams are made of’ song. let’s just say that video recording will never see the light of day.

OCCUPATION & INCOME

PRIMARY SOURCE OF INCOME: being a pediatric neurosurgeon.

SECONDARY SOURCE OF INCOME: when he has the time, he’ll usually do photography and/or art commissions. but it’s mostly only as a hobby and when he feels like it.

CONTENT WITH THEIR JOB (OR LACK THERE OF)?: it’s a tiring job, but well worth it.

PAST JOB(S): during high school, he used to help his mom with her real estate business by handing out flyers and during med school, he would work as a tutor.

SPENDING HABITS: mostly he spends money on his hobbies such as photography and art supplies. he also spends spoiling his cat, too. if he’s really feeling like a ‘treat yo self’ moment, he’ll splurge on a designer outfit or a shit ton of food.

MOST VALUABLE POSSESSION: when he was about 10 years old, his grandmother gifted him a book on the history of art because she knew he had a passion for it. it’s a bit tattered and dog-eared but it’s well loved when it comes to looking for inspiration.

SKILLS & ABILITIES

TALENTS: painting, being ambidextrous, somehow waking up at the ass crack of dawn every morning.

LANGUAGE(S) SPOKEN: english, french, and a bit of korean.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE & CHARACTERISTICS

FACE CLAIM: ben barnes

EYE COLOR: deep brown. his eyes are as hickory as rich as the earth’s soil; stained with the color of hot chocolate on a cold winter night that wraps around you like a blanket; engulfs you in its warmth and makes you feel at home.

HAIR COLOR: warm brown. his hair is a lovely whisky, the color of fallen leaves browned and sleek with the first rain of autumn.

HAIR TYPE/STYLE: thick, full, and silky to the touch. shaved and shortened on the sides. primarily put into a curly contemporary quiff. sometimes grows out his hair to shoulder length and then puts it into a bun.

GLASSES/CONTACTS?: wears contacts and glasses.

DOMINANT HAND: technically both, but uses the right more.

HEIGHT: between 5′10-5′11.

EXERCISE HABITS: goes for a 2 hour run/jog every saturday morning, but let’s be real, he doesn’t exercise much lmao.

TATTOOS: currently doesn’t have any, but wants to get one someday.

PEIRCINGS: as a rebellious teenager, he once got his tongue pierced on a dare ( long story ), but ended up liking the look of it anyway ( he doesn’t wear it any longer but will sport it out once in while just for shock value ). he also has industrial piercing on his right ear and both lobes pierced.

MARKS/SCARS: probably? but nothing too big or noticeable.

NOTABLE FEATURES: has particularly long eyelashes.

USUAL EXPRESSION: neutral??? 

CLOTHING STYLE: light and flowy high fashion displayed throughout an extensive wardrobe, mixed with dark and elegant taste. commonly paired with rings of all sorts and simple necklaces.

JEWELRY: varies rings and necklaces.

ALLERGIES: none

DIET: predominately pescatarian.

PHYSICAL AILMENTS: none

PSYCHOLOGY

MORAL ALIGNMENT: true neutral and occasionally teetering on chaotic good.

TEMPERAMENT: delicate and unfaltering, never without a sense of poise. posture tall, a prominent feline sway in his walk – every move is calculated. appears very energetic and optimistic when first meeting, but has a very apollonian vibe once you get to know him well. very much of a flower child, as you will. he expresses his tranquility in his persona and actions.

MENTAL CONDITIONS/DISORDERS: generalized anxiety disorder.

OBSESSION(S): his cat, food, binge watching soap operas and sci-fi shows, baby yoda aka grogu, sleeping when he can.

COMPULSION(S): buying too much art supplies and home décor.

PHOBIA(S): coulrophobia ( fear of clowns ).

ADDICTION(S): none that he’s aware of.

DRUG USE: smoked weed once and thought he was gonna die. moral of the story, he never touched a drug again.

ALCOHOL USE: social drinker

MANNERISMS

SPEECH STYLE: can range from intimate, formal, to casual.

ACCENT: british

QUIRKS: refuses to hurt any animal, including insects, fights for human rights, belongs to a fan club, enjoys jokes with puns, has an obsession with a particular TV show, series, film, or franchise, gardens, is always reading, paints, takes pictures of everything, practices calligraphy, must drink coffee or tea to “wake up”, is “organized chaos”, loves to hug, taps foot when bored or nervous, sleeps during the day, always answers a question with a question, always answers a question with a question, goes off on tangents, is extremely sarcastic, 

HOBBIES: photography, painting, anything art related.

DO THEY CURSE OFTEN?: like a motherfucking sailor.

FAVOURITES

ACTIVITY: anything art related.

ANIMAL: cats, red pandas, ferrets.

BEVERAGE: tea or coffee.

BOOK: and then there was none by agatha christie

COLOR: blacks, greys, purples, mustard yellow.

DESIGNER: balenciaga and dior

FOOD: salmon or tilapia

FLOWER: sunflowers

HOLIDAY: halloween

MODE OF TRANSPORTATION: train or car

SCENT: vanilla or lavender

WEATHER: fall type atmosphere

[jaerie]

Alpha Seeking Alpha (E, 4k, abo) Maybe it’s taboo, but Louis can’t stop thinking about a strong alpha holding him down and filling him with a knot. Louis may be alpha himself yet there’s a corner of the internet where he can get what he wants. He finally has the courage to do it.

And the Truth Shall Set You Free (Maybe…) (E, 18k, abo) Betism: A religion based on the belief that the beta gender has been chosen by God to protect and defend the purity and dignity of the human race by resisting and condemning the lustful ways and flawed biology of the alpha and omega

Harry is a Betist and Louis is an alpha who runs with a bad crowd. This is what happens when two worlds collide.

Captain Jack (E, 32k, abo) Louis has been searching for something and Harry is there to give it to him. Drugs, sex, disappointment, and the tangled web they’ve woven that keeps them trapped in the same cycle.

Everything Comes Back To You (10k, abo) Louis was only seven when he found himself in a hospital bed alone and scared, confused about what was happening. When another little boy climbed into his bed to comfort him, Louis never thought that they would be meeting again later in life. He also never imagined that their roles would be reversed the second time around.

Everything I need I get from you (M, 10k, abo) In a world where music and sound are just as vital to health as food, Harry is stuck in a town that thinks professional music is a scam and a relationship he never wanted. One chance event changes his life.

Going Live (E, 15k) Harry has only done this cam thing a handful of times when another camboy pops in to view his stream and unintentionally stirs things up a bit.

Or Louis and Harry are both camboys for some extra cash and meet each other in an unconventional way

I’m Sure It Happens To All Alphas (E, 4k, abo) “It’s okay. I’m sure it happens to all alphas at some point,” the omega beside him said which only embarrassed him even more.

The thing was that this was not how Louis expected their first time together to play out. Especially after he’d been fantasizing about it for so long.

But let’s jump back to the beginning.

or Louis has trouble popping a knot

Just Jump (E, 10k, abo) Finally, after years of suffering alone, the insurance plan at Harry’s new job covered omega heat services. As a grown omega adult, it finally felt like the right time to try it out. And, since taking an entire week of heat leave would really put him behind at work, using a service to shorten it seemed like a responsible decision. At least that’s how he rationalized it. He was nervous about his decision but it was too late. The doorbell rang.

“Hi!” The alpha said again and Harry took the hand he offered and shook it firmly. “I’m Louis from Omega Services. It’s nice to meet you.”

20 more fics below... 

Knot Safe For Work (E, 6k, abo) The world is magical, Louis is a wizard, Harry is a Were, there are spells for lube and supernatural kinks are definitely a thing.

Merry Birthday (10k, abo) Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson have unfortunate soulmarks branded onto their skin. The first words their soulmate will ever speak to them are two of the most common greetings, so common that they don’t even notice when it finally happens for real.

A Christmas soulmate AU.

OmegaVision (E, 24k, abo) Tomlin Networks Presents: OmegaVision starring Louis Tomlinson! The world’s first 24/7 reality channel available in over 150 countries worldwide following the life of the first male omega born in over a century. Follow Louis through his daily routine, the ups and downs of growing up or just leave him on for comfort. There are many reasons to tune in but, no matter what yours may be, there’s always a part of Louis that is just like you!

Or a Truman Show au that nobody asked for where Louis is Truman and Harry just wants to be his mate

Out of the Wild (E, 21.5k, abo) Louis has spent most of his life as a wolf in the wild, Harry has spent most of his life as a human in the city. Their worlds collide during the audition process for the hottest new singing competition. What happens next should have expected.

Out With The Old, In With The New (E, 7k, abo) Harry becomes the pack’s new alpha and Louis can’t wait to be bred

The Post-War BP (E, 18k, abo) The eight year war has left the country’s birthrate severely stunted with a lack of virile alphas left to bring it back up. To ensure the survival of the country, the government opens The Breeding Program where young omegas can apply to carry an alpha’s child in exchange for benefits. Louis’ family is struggling and the BP is one of the only ways to secure a roof over their heads. Harry was drafted at the age of eighteen and spent six years of his life defending a country he doesn’t recognize when he returns home. The government made the bed but it’s Harry that has to lie in it.

Restless Lane (E, 15k, abo) Louis had grown used to his boring life back in Mississippi as a stand-in father figure to his siblings. He never expected his childhood friend to show up on his lawn with the heat of summer or that he would remind Louis how much of himself he'd tucked away and neglected. He also never expected to find himself caught up in a tangled web of feelings or secrets that just might break him. Maybe he had never known Harry at all.

Save Some Luck For Me (E, 10.5k, abo) Louis arrives at the 2018 Winter Olympics to make history as the first omega to win a gold medal at the games. Harry, his oiled up crush from the Summer Olympics, just happens to show up to sabotage him, but maybe helps him win in the end.

Sisterwives (E, 33k, abo) This was it, the moment Louis had been waiting for his entire life. Giddy excitement bubbled up as he held hands and stared up at his soon-to-be alpha and husband and grinned. The ceremony was small and simple, but Louis didn’t mind. Fresh flowers pinned into his hair and a brand new outfit was all he needed to feel special in front of their few witnesses. It was just some members of his family and a few of the church elders in attendance as was customary for any marriage beyond the first wife within the faith.

First wives were the ones to have elaborate weddings with the whole community involved. An alpha’s first wedding was a celebration of an their coming of age, his first steps into fulfilling God’s prophecy. There were many glories for an omega that came with being a first wife but also many responsibilities. Louis had never aspired to be a first wife or even a second. He wasn’t experienced enough to be the leader of an alpha’s many wives and children and he didn’t think he’d be up to the task.

Louis was just fine in the position he was stepping into as the seventh.

Or Louis thinks he's getting everything he's ever dreamed of. Harry helps him find what makes him truly happy.

Stay Close, Hold Steady (E, 27k, abo) Found on the banks of the Mississippi as an toddler, Harry goes on a quest to find his biological family. Louis tries to be supportive, but maybe he just doesn’t want to be left behind.

Take What’s Mine (E, 15k, abo) Years after he is kidnapped, his life altered forever, Louis goes through the motions in a way that barely feels like living. Harry is a wild card, a forbidden fruit that Louis swore off of before he even had a chance to experience it. Maybe, in the end, Harry holds the key to being reborn. Louis just has to be open to the idea first.

Tell Me That You Want It Cause I Already Know (E, 3.8k, abo) Who knew all it would take was some good ole porn for Louis to discover his friend, Harry, is a wolf and for it to awaken an urge that would bring them together in a way he hadn’t anticipated.

Tiny Exaggeration (E, 4k, abo) Louis is frustrated that they've been dating for months and still haven't taken their relationship to the next level. Sometimes the foolishness of the past lingers in the present. Louis wants that to change.

Was It All Fake? (E, 4k, abo) Unmated omegas are second class citizens. Expected to provide for themselves yet paid so little that they often are overworked or forced to sell their bodies just to keep from starving. Louis’ luck turns around when he meets Harry, the rich heir to a fortune. After their bonding ceremony, things aren’t exactly what Louis expected.

Where Do We Go Now (E, 10k, abo) Louis goes off to college ready to start a fresh life away from the oppressive alphas of his pack. The odds aren’t in his favour when his new dorm mate turns out to be an alpha. Louis hates alphas.

The Wilds (E, 13k, abo) The creatures that Louis observed every day weren’t exactly human, but yet they were. Researchers had plucked some of them from their secluded island and transplanted them into an enclosure against their will like a bunch of zoo animals. Louis didn’t think they were. But he was only paid to do the yardwork, he didn’t have any say about the wilds that lived there. That was until an unfortunate accident changed his life forever and made one wild in particular his top priority.

Woke Up Feeling Knotty (E, 8k, abo) Beta Louis has a kink for knotting and the secret aesthetic porn blog he runs about it is more than proof. When he accidentally finds out his alpha best friend Harry is one of his biggest fans, he knows he has to come clean after everything that has already happened between them. Harry just might be willing to help him out anyway.

You Gotta Swim, Swim For Your Life

Swim When It Hurts - Part One (M, 12k, abo) Harry never thought he would find himself battling cancer. Louis never thought he would find himself so attached to one of his patients.

Swim When It Hurts - Part Two (E, 6k, abo) Harry never thought he would find himself battling cancer. Louis never thought he would find himself so attached to one of his patients. Neither one of them thought they would find love in such an unlikely place.

Swim When It Hurts - Part Three (E, 7k, abo) Harry never thought he would find himself battling cancer. Louis never thought he would find himself so attached to one of his patients. Neither one of them thought they would find love in such an unlikely place. Maybe things weren’t ideal, but finding strength in a new kind of normal together may be just what they need.

[zarfm]

» • * — ( benjamin wadsworth , cis male , he/him ) . i think i hear underdog by kasabian coming from apartment 2104. doesn’t balthazar ros live there ?? i heard they are a twenty-two year old chef from chicago , but they’ve been living in the apartments for two years . they come across a bit - wrathful and - rude , but they also seem like they could be + compassionate and + hardworking . whenever i see them , i think of denim jackets, guilty cigarettes, searching for a hug in a fist fight. oh , and don’t forget to follow them on instagram at tsar.zar ! ooc . ally, 22, she/her, est

hello y’all!!! i’ve been eying this rp for so long but have been. waiting until my mental state was Ready Enough to do it justice ! anyways, hello, my name is ally, i live in canada, i just got a job at walmart and i just learned how to french braid. those are my two biggest achievements during quarantine. anyways, this here is zar, he’s an emotional mess, please enjoy. there’s a quick novel-length introduction under the cut, but for more details, please click the following links. like for me to beg you for plots on discord !!!

full statistics. full biography. pinterest. wanted connections.

tw scars, emotional neglect, child abuse, physical abuse, 

statistics. 

full name. balthazar eduardo ros. nickname(s). zar. occupation. chef. age. twenty-two. date of birth. november 8th, 1997. nationality. american. ethnicity. mexican, iranian, english, ukrainian. orientation. bisexual/queer. gender & pronouns. cis male; he/him/his. religion. atheist.

height. 5’7”. weight. 145 lbs. eye color. brown. hair color + style. dark brown, curly, either styled haphazardly or pushed over his forehead. dominant hand. right-handed. distinguishing features. the scars on his face, that smirk, pretty boy eyes, and his plethora of tattoos.

biography. 

had a... pretty shitty childhood honestly. sure, both of his parents were wealthy, but his mother, who he lived with at first in los angeles, was not only constantly busy but also emotionally neglectful. when his nanny from basically birth to age three was fired without any notice to him, for example, he cried for days. and his mother’s solution was to only keep the same nanny for a month so zar wouldn’t get attached. 

he started to act out in school, because he, y’know, wasn’t getting any affection? and when therapy proved to be futile (meaning none of the therapists gave his mom the answer she wanted), she did the logical thing: blackmail your son’s father to taking him in or else she’d tell the whole world about their affair, and then put your six year old son on a plane to his father’s place alone without warning him or even telling him that he was going to live with his father. 

he still has nightmares about the flight attendant pulling him onto the plane while his mom walked away, impassive. no biggie. 

TO MAKE THINGS EVEN BETTER he was thrown straight into the lion’s den, living with his wealthy father and his picture-perfect family with five sons in chicago. of course, zar didn’t know that this man was his father until he was thirteen years old, but his stepmother figured it out almost immediately. and his brothers were all... spoiled brats, so she basically let them do whatever they wanted with him. i won’t get into specifics but imagine if you lived with five of your school bullies. 

it’s also around them he finally looked his mother up on facebook only to find that she was now married and pregnant with another kid. he’d been replaced. this is high-quality parenting 101, folks. 

food became... something of an important escape, for zar. he stopped eating with his family when he was about eight (it was basically a game of see how much we can abuse zar while the parents pretend he doesn’t exist), and started making his own little dinners. he associated dinners with the family meals he always saw on tv, portraying something he so yearned for; love, and family. to zar, cooking himself dinner each night became a way of practicing self-love. 

he also developed a habit of picking up strays; he fed one stray dog, she curled up in his lap and slept, and he was hooked forever. it was the most affection he’d ever received. no matter how long it took, be it hours or months, no matter how angry or antisocial the stray seemed, he’d do anything he could to win their trust. (in fact, he kind of liked the angry ones; they always turned out to be the sweetest.) 

he still acted out at school, had been diagnosed with conduct disorder and then oppositional defiant disorder. maybe he bit a psychiatrist or two who knows. and when he discovered who his father was and that everyone had been lying to him forever, well, he saw no need to hold back, now. he fought back. 

he became a bona fide Bad Boy, passed from boarding school to boarding school, expelled for a laundry list of reasons. public drunkenness, assault, sucking the housemaster’s son’s dick in the showers. his parents tried military school; he spat in his drill sergeant’s eye. 

finally, for his junior year, he was just put into public school in chicago. there, he was lucky enough to stumble upon the hospitality program, there, and fell back in love with cooking. this was the first thing in a long time he realized he could really do. sure, in an attempt to avoid his brothers he was now living in the attic, but still. life was looking up. 

with a shining letter of recommendation from his instructor and a killer portfolio, zar was able to get into the culinary institute of new york. it was during his senior year that he moved into ten 23, and he decided to stay for a while. this apartment is probably the first place he thinks of as a home. 

tl;dr abused son becomes a bad boy, learns to love via food and animals, moves to new york for school and career, 

personality. 

burnt marshmallow: smoky and crispy on the outside, ooey gooey on the inside. 

but theres a lot of smoky/crispy; he can be very rude and blunt, and he still has a hair-trigger temper. he’s working on it, though. 

honestly, he fits right in as a chef. even at the four star restaurant he works at, gideon’s, the entire cooking staff still swear like sailors. 

to keep his temper intact, he smokes (he hasn’t even tried to quit) and he also does amateur mma in his free time. 

sarcastic af. please someone tell him to shut the fuck up. 

still will stop everything if he sees a stray. the only thing that will maybe dissuade him is work, and even then he’ll show up a little late after he makes sure the dog has water. keeps cheap doggie bowls, a water bottle, and little ziplocs full of kibble on his person at all times. 

volunteers at the animal haven weekly. he still loves all the animals there. 

he also has four dogs and one cat that thinks she’s a dog. does ten 23 not allow pets? doesn’t matter. he still has illegal pets. rip his roommates. 

if he wants to make you feel better, he will cook for you. if he thinks you’re eating like shit, he will cook for you. if you’re hungry, he will cook for you. again, food is his way of showing love, and underneath it all he is a very loving person. 

vegan, but. has to handle non-vegan things as part of his job. but still a big vegan. 

horny 24/7. bi but only tops in emergencies. again, rip his roommates. 

never really had a real relationship because he. gets jealous enough as it is. is constantly paranoid that people will leave him. 

mom friend underneath it all. but like... an angry mom friend??? like he’ll nag you and tell you you shouldn’t have hooked up with your ex you basically asked for this but he’s doing this while making you cookies and peanut butter hot chocolate. 

lowkey highkey hates himself and although he pretends otherwise he has the self esteem of a thirteen year old at their first high school dance. 

[mutantsrisingrpg]

Congratulations CAITLIN! You’ve been accepted as EPIMETHEUS.

Tierney is a skeleton that I hold near to my heart and it’s clear from your application that he’s just a dear to you, Caitlin! The backstory that you weaved together for him not only broke my heart, but made me actively root for him. The bit about Blake and how important he was to Tierney was such a great addition to him and added another layer that pulled at my heart. “But nothing good lasts forever,” whew did that line slap me across the face. I can’t wait to see where you take Tierney on the dash! 

Welcome to Mutants Rising! Please read the checklist and submit your account within 24 hours.

Out of Character Information:

NAME/ALIAS: Caitlin

PRONOUNS: she/her

AGE: 27

TIMEZONE & ACTIVITY LEVEL: CST; Due to the current pandemic I have lost my job. I’m currently under a shelter-in-place order at my parents place so I have…a great deal of time. Sure, there are days I’m not around but those days are usually cleaning and shopping days. We’re trying to get attached to a schedule with….some success. So I’ll be pretty darn active for a while. In the event the pandemic is over I’ll let you know how my activity will change but that strikes me as a ways off.

In Character Information:

DESIRED ROLE: Tierney Sinclair; Epimetheus

GENDER/PRONOUNS: Cis-Male, he/him

DETAILS & ANALYSIS:

Tierney is a lot of things. But at his heart he’s a boy reaching out for a hand to hold. He’s been denied so much in life and now that his life is in his hands he wants to grab the things he never had. Family. Friends. Purpose. He’s been adrift for so long, lost in a world he doesn’t understand and that doesn’t want him, that finding solid ground to stand on has never been easy. And now that he’s found all of those things he’s finding life isn’t as simple as reaching for your goals and taking them. He struggles with himself some days. He wants to be the boy that never got to be and the man he’s proud of being today. He’s tugged between finding out what normal might have been or could be and doing what he’s good at and known for. It’s like a game of tug of war that he can never win.

BIO:

Content Warning: child abuse, murder, death

Tierney Sinclair was born to a single mother in the slums of Las Vegas, Nevada on September 8, 1979. And that was all he ever knew of his life before the orphanages. Abandoned on the doorstep of a local orphanage with nothing more than his name and a ratty hospital blanket. The Las Vegas Home for Orphans was not a kind place to grow up, especially not for a mutant. Tierney’s powers first manifested when he was three and throwing a tantrum. The bottle of milk he wanted so badly, rather miraculously, appeared next to him because he’d willed it. Easy enough to ignore, which is exactly what everyone opted to do. Mutants were trouble and the last thing they wanted here was mutant trouble. That was, until one of his tantrums caused one of the workers to black out and wake up two hours later.

He was four when he was given to the government for testing. And they tested him for years. Tierney was thirteen when they slapped a level five rating on him and finally released him to a mutant “friendly” orphanage out in Las Vegas. Not that life in the orphanage was much easier than life in the lab. Unaccustomed to the modern world Tierney found himself behind his peers in almost everything. Lost and alone in such a strange and different world made him an easy target for some of the tougher kids in the orphanage and they bullied him relentlessly. It all stopped the day Tierney snapped, nearly killing one of his biggest tormentors. He was punished severely for his actions and Tierney found he just didn’t care. He’d had enough of being walked on and over like a door mat. He was Tierney-fucking-Sinclair and woe to the person who thought him a push over.

Between his powers and his dangerous penchant for using them when angry Tierney did a lot of orphanage hopping until he aged out of the program at eighteen. Life outside the system proved to be….difficult, at best. With a petty crimes rap sheet as long as his arm and a level five label on top of that Tierney found no forgiveness is the world of humans. He survived on odd jobs and theft. Stealing was easy enough when all you had to do was wiggle your fingers at a lock and convince the elderly security guard to look the other way. It was stealing that landed him in the Blackburn Syndicate’s lap. Over confident in his abilities he ended up stepping into the middle of one of their cons at just the wrong moment, causing the whole job to flop. Some would say it was luck that they got out alive, but everyone there knew it was Tierney’s powers and fast thinking that got them all out and in one piece. That didn’t stop the Syndicate from being angry though and they presented Tierney with an offer he couldn’t refuse. Join them or die.

It was simple enough to say yes and shake the hand that sealed his fate. He slipped into life with the Syndicate with ease, surprising even himself. He job hopped for a while, struggling to find his place in the group. It was only after Blake Ryans, the Syndicate’s hitman, took him under his wing that he found it. Killing didn’t come naturally to Tierney but Blake never let him back down. He always said that if the government deemed him as dangerous he may as well live up to it, right? And eventually, he did. Blake crafted him into the best hitman he could be, expertly passing on the wealth of knowledge he’d accrued over the years. Tierney soaked it all up like a sponge and within three years had become Blake’s second in command, trusted enough to do Syndicate jobs on his own sometimes. But nothing good lasts forever.

On a job gone wrong Blake was lost and never returned. Tierney waited, and waited, and waited; but it became increasingly clear Blake was dead. He wasn’t surprised when the Syndicate asked him to step up and take Blake’s job, citing they’d been planning on asking him to do it anyways in the next couple of years. It was an easy enough yes. Blake never returned and after a while Tierney found he’d stopped waiting for him. It’s what Blake would have wanted anyways. He’s been the Syndicate’s most trusted hitman for years now, a job he takes great pride in. The Syndicate has become the only family he’s ever known and he’s exceptionally protective of them because of it. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do to protect them. Nothing.

EXPANDED CONNECTIONS:

ABIGAIL IMANI - (The tug towards what ‘normal’ could have been.) Tierney knows…almost nothing about this woman, save for the fact she’s always getting a cup of coffee when he is. At first it was just a weird coincidence but after a while it simply became routine. It’s easy to talk with her over things that don’t really matter. She makes him feel almost normal.  What it’s like to be a person rather than the scary mutant most people peg him for these days. With Abigail he’s simply Tierney, the guy who likes too much sugar in his coffee.

CIARA SAWYER - (Another chance. Living vicariously through another.) Tierney can’t explain what drew him to Ciara the first time they met. Maybe it’s because he saw a little of himself in her or maybe it was the way she looked at him and smiled despite his reputation. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t really care. Like Blake all those years ago he tucked her under his wing and has tried to help her find her place in the Syndicate. He never expected someone as soft and quiet as Ciara to wind up being his most trusted asset in the field. Sure, the first couple of jobs were…bumpy but Ciara was a fast learner now they’re like a well oiled machine. He makes their car keys dances and she robs them blind. It’s brilliant. He hasn’t told her, but he’s resoundingly proud of who she’s become. There’s no one he’d rather work with out in the than her. It’s no secret that Tierney is soft on Ciara but woe to the person that tries to exploit that. If there’s one good thing he leaves behind in this world it will be her. He tries his hardest to shelter her from the more grisly aspects of his role in the Syndicate with varying degrees of success.

GERRARD BERMUDEZ - (The tug towards who he is today. Someone to rail against who isn’t afraid to rail back.) Tierney doesn’t hate Gerrard but he certainly doesn’t like him very much. No one knows why, not ever Tierney himself. It was such an instant distaste that lingers on his tongue like bad fish. He avoids him when he can…and when he can’t he’s not afraid to push at his buttons. It’s almost entertaining to see how far he can get sometimes.

EXTRA:

Content Warning: murder. abuse, violence, guns

-> Tierney doesn’t like killing. He never has. He knows it’s an odd trait to have in a man who is literally hired to kill people, but it’s something his mentor Blake instilled in him from the minute he started training him. Tierney will never kill someone simply because they are there. If they’re not his target then they don’t matter. He goes to great lengths to avoid unnecessary bloodshed but it’s happened on the rare occasion. He regrets those deaths and only those deaths. -> Some might say Tierney has a nasty habit of over planning his hits, but Tierney would disagree. He likes having a plan, likes watching as all the little pieces fall into place. It’s a heady sense of accomplishment. And the coup-de-grace? The ending parts. Tierney might not like shedding blood unnecessarily but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like shedding it altogether. There’s something heady in holding someone’s life in your hands and knowing exactly what you’re going to do with it. -> Tierney is trained in every aspect of killing imaginable. He’s talented with a gun, with his fists, and with his powers. It doesn’t matter how it happens so long as it happens, so Blake made sure Tierney could do the job any way imaginable. -> Outside of off hand remarks and vague references there is no one in the Syndicate who knows anything about Tierney’s life before the grand fuck up. Anyone that’s tried to ask about it has been rudely told to fuck off or out right ignored. As far as Tierney is concerned his life didn’t start until the Syndicate found him. -> Don’t touch Tierney without his permission. Years of abuse have made him a distrustful and jumpy man. Touching is prohibited to everyone except those he trusts and even then, he’s never been the kind of person who liked hugs anyways. -> Tierney never really managed to adapt to the modern life style that surrounds him. He’s hopeless when it comes to anything more complicated than the texting feature on his phone. Computers have always been a mystery to him and he’s perfectly okay with that. There are plenty of others out there that can do what he wants. If that means he has to ask or intimidate he’s flexible. -> Tierney is a staunch believer that mutants deserve more than they’ve got. Deserve more than a childhood of cruel experiments and homes. He wants mutants to be treated as equals instead of dangerous lab rats. It might not happen in his life time but he wants to pave the way for others like him. He buts heads with people who think mutants are more than humans. He wouldn’t wish his life on even them. -> Tierney doesn’t own a car. He owns a motorcycle. In fact, he owns four. He’s a grease monkey when it comes to bikes and can’t say no to a good deal. He finds something very soothing in spending a day working on one of his bikes. The Syndicate pays him well, but there’s people out there who pay him more for one of his custom bikes. -> Tierney has amazing control over his powers. But his powers have always been deeply tied to his emotions. He’s stronger when he’s feeling a powerful wash of emotions than when he isn’t. He hasn’t lost his cool in nearly twenty years but the effects of it can be damaging. He tries not to let himself get too overwhelmed. -> Tierney’s powers are tied to his hands. He can do things without them but using his hands as focus points helps him with the accuracy of his powers. There is no physical sign that Tierney is using his powers outside of someone who knows that when his hands are moving…things are moving. For Tierney manipulating his powers feels like a string of energy connecting him to his target. He can equate it to almost being like a puppeteer. -> Tierney has a fantastic amount of fortitude when it comes to using his powers for an extended period of time but after a while he will start to get tired, especially for tricks that require his full concentration. -> Power Break Down: ——> Telekinetic Choking: The ability to choke someone without physically touching them. One of the first of Tierney’s powers to manifest and one of the ones he relies heaviest on even now. He must be within sight of his target in order to achieve this power but his range can be as long as a basketball court if he concentrates. ——->  Telekinetic Homing Effect: The ability to cause an object to lock onto a target and follow them until they collide. This trick is one of Tierney’s most useful. And he’s always found it fun to grab someone’s bullet and send it back at them, even if they run. Tierney doesn’t know the full extent of his range but again, he must see the person in order to send anything with homing capabilities at them. ——-> Telekinetic Object Manipulation: The ability to move objects by focusing on them. Probably the best distraction technique ever. Nothing gets people to stop paying attention to their surroundings like their car keys dancing out of their pocket, right? It’s taken him many years but Tierney is now capable of performing this talent with a multitude of objects at the same time. The bigger the object the more concentration it takes. Also a useful skill for picking locks and one he mastered early in his petty crime days. There isn’t a lock he hasn’t been able to pop, yet. Tierney’s range for this is huge but he must be able to see the objects he’s moving if he wants any degree of success. ——-> Telekinetic Mental Manipulation: He’s not able to take over someone’s mind and turn them into his puppet but with a little meddling he’s often able to get people to do things they weren’t prone to doing before. Looking left instead of right, forgetting to check the closet doors, little things that can have a big impact on a job at any given time. Tierney isn’t afraid of his abilities but he hasn’t explored this one as much due to lack of useful targets. His range on this is fairly short and for anything bigger than a stray adjustment or two must put his full concentration on the target. ——-> Psionic Explosion: The ability to create a large mass of energy that can cause huge amounts of damage. Using this power exhausts Tierney and he rarely uses it unless it’s an emergency or a last resort. What little he knows about it comes from the tests he underwent as a child and the two times he’s been forced to use it in his adulthood. Both times leveling a building.

ANYTHING ELSE: Nope! All good on my end! Let me know if you need anything from me!! <3

[chaniters]

Hey man, I love your fics! Can I have an AU one where sidestep (any gender is fine) falls during Heartbreak, and is in the process of being taken by the Farm. Then, Ortega and Steel arrive and are horrified. The Farm casually tells them the truth of Sidestep and expect them to let them take Sidestep... but cue protective!Ortega and Steel reacting otherwise. Steel or Ortega POV or third person will be great!

Warning this one is a bit dark. Medical and physical mistreatment. Thoughts of self-harm too. What would you do to protect a friend?

Also, I used third person Ortega’s POV for the first part… then Sidestep’s POV for the second. I do kind of like how this one turned out though!

Give them what they want, and they’ll come

“SIDESTEP!” He yelled down, extending his hand.. but it was too late. He fell. And Ricardo had to watch him fall.

The sound he made as he hit the asphalt.

He is dead.

NO! He must surely mishear. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad fall…

He turned towards the figure behind him. Covered in cables and medical devices. It glared at him.

He was the cause. Ricardo walked towards him. The man extended his hands at him… and Ricardo felt a soft tingling at the base of his toes. Nothing else happened.

The villain seemed perplexed. Too bad. Ricardo slammed his fist into his face. Once. Twice. Thrice.

Ortega could have killed him. But he had to check on Sidestep. Steel was by the door.

“Keep that freak unconscious! And call an ambulance!” he uttered going down the stairs as fast as he could.

To his surprise, there was an ambulance outside the building already.

They were lifting Sidestep from the ground.

Ortega rushed to them

“Is.. he … alright?” All that running and he was now afraid to ask.

A doctor turned to him. “He’s still alive… but barely. We need to take him quickly. Set up the ambulance guys!” she ordered the nurses.

Then she turned back to Ortega and asked: “Did you catch him?”

Ortega’s eye narrowed. “You mean the crazy psychic upstairs? I thought no one knew what it was”

The doctor seemed unphased. “Pointless secrecy. I’m sick of it. So many dead because idiots don’t like playing ball. Anyways, It wasn’t my call. Did you catch him or not? If you didn’t then we’re all in trouble”

Steel came down carrying the unconscious man

“That… would be him” Ortega pointed out.

“DOC! We have a problem.”

The doctor rushed to Sidestep, Ortega following closely.

“Look!” the nurse said. he had cut off part of Sidestep’s suit. Strange orange tattoos covered his skin underneath.

“Well shit.” The doctor concluded. “Call another ambulance. And someone gives that freak a double dose of sedation.”

“But he’s extra sensitive … we could..”

“Look kid” the doctor stepped up to the nurse’s face. “I care shit if he dies ok? Heads are going to roll for this and it won’t be ours. I wish I know whose. But the one thing I know is he’s not gonna wake up and start killing us all while we’re driving and minding our own business. DO AS I SAY!” The nurse finally complied.

Then she went on to give first aid to Sidestep. They cut more of his suit, and the tattoos proved to be everywhere.

Intubation came after, and they started loading him on the first ambulance

“Doc… what’s the problem you mentioned with him? What do those tattoos ..”

“You know what they mean”

“No, I don’t!”

“He’s special directive property. We’ll be taking him back to their premises.”

“Special Directive? He worked with us! He’s a vigilante. He’s been living on the streets. I know him personally… He couldn’t be…”

“A Regene?” The doctor smiled bitterly.

“Don’t you call him that!” Ortega was furious.

“Look… I wish I could tell you this has never happened before but… ”

Steel approached them, he was overhearing everything with a shocked expression.

“… sentient re-genes escape. Happens more often than they want to admit.  It’s what they do. It’s very hard to keep a prison strong enough to stop powered people. Especially with the skills, they teach them.”

“… no way” Steel finally spoke, “You mean he… lied all this time?”

“Of course he lied. The directive has agents all across the country. If he was found out, he’d be imprisoned again”

“What’s… going to happen to him?”

“He’ll be taken back. They don’t live pleasant lives. But at least they’ll be able to fix him. No normal hospital could claim that. At best he wouldn’t walk again in a normal clinic. Back at the directive? He’ll probably be good as new.”

“Will we… ever see him again?” Steel asked hesitantly

The doctor just shook her head. “It ain’t happening. They’ll lock him up for this. Probably forever.”

“Than you’re not taking him!” Ortega stood up putting a hand on the stretcher.

The doctor put a hand over his arm.

“Think about what you’re doing. If you take him to a normal hospital, he’s probably going to die. Normal people don’t recover from falls like these. And even if he survives, he could end up wanting to be dead”

Ortega hesitated

“I … can’t… I…” he was really confused now.

“What’s so special about this one? Do you know what could happen if you mess into the Special Directive’s programs? If it wasn’t me on duty they would have just taken him and told you he was dead. There are monsters in that place.”

Ortega’s gaze fell upon Sidestep as he breathed heavily through the tube the pain of losing a loved one visible in his face.

“Oh. I see” the doctor nodded. “Fine… look… I can’t promise anything but… here’s my number.” She gave me him a card  "Call me tonight. There might… be a way.“

…………………..Lights.

It’s your awake time.

And obediently, you do wake up.

Still restrained to the medical bed. One more day of recovery.

Treatments continue. Broken bones mending. Muscles being reattached. Dermis regeneration. Nerve reconnection.  No anesthesia of course. You have to constantly tell them about your pain level. Generally around 7 on the 1-10 scale.

You liked it when the Japanese doctor used to treat you. He keeps you at a comfortable 3. And even chit-chatted with you… You liked practicing your Japanese.

But now there are only new doctors each day. They generally string you all the way to 8 or 9.

Still, they do want for you to get better.

They want you to be strong, before your punishment.

Which you know is coming.

They will not take what you did lightly. But there hasn’t been even a hint of what’s to come.

You know it will hurt horribly, but you doubt it can match what Heartbreak did to you.

The psychiatrists have been filling you with drugs to stop the self-harming obsession on top of the Hypno-therapy.

But you just want to be gone.

And on top of that, you miss your friends.

You just woke up and you’re already in tears remembering about them. Ricardo. Themmie. But of course, he’s dead now… Because you weren’t strong.. or fast enough. 

Sentinel. You liked hanging around the old man, even if he thought you were a bit of a nuisance. 

Even Chen. You’d give your right arm for having him berate or throw some negative feedback onto you right now.

THat’s all you do.

Lights go up. You wake up.

You eat. Ring the nurses when you have to use the bathroom. Get tied up and escorted there.

Re-hab. Intense rehab.

Be tased when you don’t cooperate. Some days be tased for fun.

Get back on your bed restraints.

Stay still. Receive treatment.

Watch whatever stupid show they put on your tv.

Try to mind-control the Japanese doctor to make him choke you to death through the mental dampener. That too was part of your routine.

Until it worked of course. But they stopped him. And he never came back after that. You only have the marks on your neck to remember him by.

Such a nice guy. You wish he had managed to choke you all the way tough.  

Finally, your sleeping time comes and lights go out.

And there you cry yourself to sleep.

And the nightmares come to keep you company.

Rinse. Repeat.

Maybe that’s your punishment? A few years of this?

You don’t understand the point. They say you are valuable, but everyone can see you’re broken.

Mind’s not right if it wants to go against its own body.

When will they call it quits?

Nothing you do discourages them.

It just makes you mad. And tired. So tired.

The metal gates open.

“Listen up Doll.” Jerry. Your handler. You wonder why they assigned you one when you’re not even allowed to move much.

He has handled you a lot though. Mostly his fist to your face when you talk back.

The new doctors like it when he does it. Put you in your place.  Even if it means they have to fix you again.

“Yes… s… sir” you answer in a suitably obedient tone.

You can’t help it. Your mind wants to talk back to him. To destroy him. To show him you’re in control.

But your body… is just terrified of him. It doesn’t want to anger him. And you can’t blame it. Pablov had it right. You never want to challenge him again…

“Today’s a special day,” he speaks while lighting a cigarette next to the no-smoking sign. He inhales. He knows you’d kill for a smoke.

“It’s my last time visiting you piece of filth in here. You’re getting a new handler.”

You try to hide your relief. New handler? Can’t be worse than him.

“So. I bring you a present. To remember me by”

He smiles showing his teeth.

Oh. Of course.  A memento.

And he slaps you. And again. And again. And again. He doesn’t really hold back.

HE finally rubs his hand.

You are so fucked up… you are actually grateful that he didn’t take things further. The realization brings a new layer of sadness.

“Phew… I think that’ll suffice. I’m told the new guy is modded” He chuckles “So do try not to piss him off, or he’ll probably break your bones. In fact. I hope you do piss him off”

And he leaves.

The day goes on. A nurse cleans the blood from your face.

They adjust the dampener once his left eye starts twitching. Foiled again.

Still, no distraction is good enough to stop thinking about that.

New handler. Maybe, someone, you can manipulate?

Probably not.

It’ll likely be a psycho. Things usually go for the worst at the farm.

You go through rehab. Treatments. Hypnotherapy. Drugs. Tv. Eating. The opposite of eating. And the day is finally over. Even the nightmares feel like an interruption.

Wake time. Lights on.

Your handler will come in and tell you what your day’s going to be about.

The Metal doors open. One of the assistant directors enters.

“Good morning” he speaks. Directors always pretend mornings are good. Even assistant ones.

“I’m here to introduce your new handler. We expect you will be more cooperative with this one.” He smiles. You know this is going to be bad. He walks back. The room is dimly lit, all you can see if his teeth. Sharp teeth. Or is that your imagination?

The director is gone. Another man enters.  

He wears the usual farm uniform. He looks strong. And tall. He is modded like Jerry said.

You sigh and close your eyes. He’ll probably punish you for that. But he could punish you for looking at him too. You know you’re going to have it rough either way.

A hand … on your arm.

You flinch, trying to shut your eyes as strong as you can. He’s going to punish you now. You feel it. He presses his hand on your skin giving you goosebumps. Fuck… will he get it over with already?

“Cyrus?” He calls.

What? No one has said the name you choose since you got here. Why would he…? Is this some sort of joke?

You open your eyes.

Ortega is tearing up, gently holding your hand. Wearing the handler’s uniform.

“You’re going to be alright… You hear me..? From now on… it’s all going to be… alright”

………………………………………………….

“Well done!” the assistant director congratulated the Doctor. “Recruiting Charge on the spot was genius!”

“I was just looking after our investment.” The Doctor smiled. “I had a problem and a cure right next to each other!”

“Charge will be a good addition to the staff… once we get past his scruples.” I think… the Director added looking as they embraced and cried together through the false mirror.

“He has shown some promise and passed every test so far. He finished his training in record time too… I think as long as we let him have a nice time as the new handler of his doll-friend, he’ll be willing to do whatever we need to the other dolls. And immune to mental assaults as well. That is just SO helpful in this environment. Also, the doll will comply because it knows what we can do to Charge.”

“I know right?” The director was thrilled. “This is just too perfect”

Another day at the farm went by.

My Fanfics: https://chaniters.tumblr.com/post/181692759294/my-fanfiction-for-fallen-hero

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction using characters and the setting of the Fallen Hero: Rebirth and upcoming Fallen Hero: Retribution games written by Malin Riden. I do not claim ownership of any characters from the Fallen Hero wold. These stories are a work of my imagination, and I do not ascribe them to the official story canon. These works are intended for entertainment outside the official storyline owned by the author. I am not profiting financially from the creation of these stories, and thank the author for her wonderful game/s, without which these works would not exist.

[mymisfortuneforyourenjoyment]

March 8, 2019, 4:31pm

I have a chronic illness called POTS - that’s postural orestatic tachycardia syndrome. In simple words, my nervous system is broken and the biggest problem it causes is with my heart.

My doctors have sent me to cardiac rehab. Which, apparently, is something I’m supposed to be ashamed of? At least that’s the impression that I got when a 60-some year old woman also at the rehab clinic whispered, “Are you here for... cardiac rehab?”

By the way, I’m not ashamed. Not one bit.

I’m annoyed, though. The last time I saw my cardiologist, he said to me, “I can’t prescribe exercise in a pill. It’s up to you. I can’t do anything about it.” True, doc. That’s true. But my good dude, stop acting like I’m not trying. Stop assuming that I’m not doing what I’m supposed to be doing. I have been exercising, to the best of my ability. He doesn’t believe me, though.

I’m also just pissed, frankly. I’m in shape. I can do whatever the exercise doctors asked me to do. It’s the day after that fucks me up. The “postural” in POTS means that my symptoms are tied to what position I’m in - laying, sitting, standing, moving. The “tachycardia” bit means that the more vertical I am, (so the longer I’m standing) the higher my heart rate goes. Anyway, all that to say that the day after exercising, I can’t stand for more than ten seconds without fainting. I started this exercise program twice before, at home. Both times, I ended up in a wheelchair for a month after because when I stood, and sometimes when I sat up, I fainted.

So now I’m going to the hospital each time I exercise. Today was the first day. It’s a 36 week program, three times per week. This is basically how my day went:

Bought a bus ticket on my phone through an app. I rush my service dog to do her business before we got to the bus stop. She nearly makes us late. The bus driver and I make eye contact. The bus driver sees my service dog. I give a “what the fuck” face and throw my hands up because she’s not slowing down. The bus skids to a stop. I get on, show her the ticket on my phone and say, “Thanks.”

I get off at the right stop. I rush to the office - I have anxiety. A man snaps and whistles at my dog. “Please, don’t.” Got there a half hour early like I was told to, perfectly on time. I check in at the front desk. The receptionist calls me by the wrong name, my given name. I cringe and try to correct her, but she doesn’t let me speak. She ogles at my dog. The receptionist says I’m too early. She takes me back to the gym anyway.

She tells me to sit down but then blocks the chairs, talking to a nurse. I feel awkward so I let my dog sniff around the equipment, it’s a new place and all. She’s not very interested.

“Is that a dog we can’t touch?”

“Right.”

“Can we talk to her?”

“No. It distracts her.”

“There’s a new girl here. She has a dog.”

I want to die.

I sit down and tuck my dog under my seat. Good dog. I forgot treats. I feel bad because it’s a new situation and she could use the encouragement. She does wonderfully, though. 

A woman wheels up and talks to the dog. She doesn’t ask to pet her. Another woman, the one that whispered cardiac rehab, insists on showing me a picture of her daughter because, to her, we look so much alike. We don’t. The daughter  has kinda short brown hair that resembles mine. “She has an easy smile, just like you.” I smile and want to say thanks, but choke on my words because I’m anxious.

The woman teases and guesses that my name is Chip. I thought about saying yes, but told her the name I go by instead. Took her three times to hear me right. My name isn’t hard. Just a bit too masculine sounding for her to accept that it’s my name, I think. She introduces me to everyone there. She’s trying so hard to be welcoming, but no one will shut up about my dog and everyone’s assuming I’m a girl and I’m anxious.

A man sits next me. He’s three times my age and reminds me of my grandfather. He asks what breed my dog is, boxer lab mix. I’ve had this conversation with strangers so many times, I swear I need to start counting just so that I can add that bit of information in the conversation so that people can better understand my annoyance. He struggles with his phone, wanting to show me a picture of his dog, a labradoodle. I explain how to get to the picture he wants to show me. The woman from before insists on showing me her dog, a mutt.

Three doctors finally stride into the room perfecting in sync together in a little pack, which is funny to me. I watch them in the mirror. I can’t see around the huddle of ten people waiting for them.

I’m handed a packet of information. I take my time reading it. My doctor is annoyed that I’m actually reading it and taking so long - I’m dyslexic. She sits down and runs over it with me. It’s a lot of information and I can’t remember any of it.

She takes me into the gendered locker room, the women’s, and shows me how to put on the heart monitor. It’s a chest strap that correlates to a watch. I lift my shirt and show my scars from top surgery as she puts it on. I wanted to say that I’m transgender and I use they/them pronouns, but the words catch in my throat and I say nothing.

She walks me through the rest of the process. It’s long and confusing. She teaches me how to use the recumbent bike, with all of its functions on the screen. She’s impressed that I do so well. I told her that exercising is not the problem. It’s the day after. She bids me good wishes for tomorrow as I leave.

I walk to the bus stop. The bus comes very soon after I get there. I am the only one at the bus stop. I make eye contact with the driver. He speeds past. “What the fuck!” I swear more and pace around. I feel bad that I’m acting the way I am around a teen boy that cannot make eye contact with me and sits on the sidewalk with his legs bent up in at weird angles. I think I’m making him nervous.

I look up on my phone when the next bus will come. I sit on a cement base of a flagpole nearby. I take out my phone, texting friends about being passed up completely. That’s the second time it’s ever happened to me. My phone is at 30%. It dies. Probably from the cold. My fucking bus ticket is on my phone.

I try to get into an education building. It’s a Friday, the university campus should be open. The building was locked. I walk back to the hospital in the cold. My dog is shivering.

I ask the concierge if there is a way to charge my phone. He says that there are no charging stations and apologizes. I walk up to a group of four people sitting in a cluster of chairs in a waiting area. A woman is on the phone. I stand awkwardly until I get up the courage to say, “Excuse me, I’m really sorry, but does anyone have an iphone charger?”

The woman on the phone says that she does. Her daughter, sitting next to her, says that her charger won’t work because her mother has an android. The mother pulls out a universal charger. I thank her profusely.

I sit on the floor by a plug. I hold my phone up by the plug that’s 2 feet off the ground. The cord is only 6 inches long. My phone turns back on. It’s at 24%. I want to wait 15 minutes at least and leave in time to walk back to the bus stop. I charge for my phone for 12 minutes. My phone is at 30%. The woman’s car was brought up by the valet and she needed to leave. I thank her profusely.

I rush to the bus stop, even though my dog pulled towards the grass, wanting to do her business. I tell her that we’re in a hurry - I’m anxious. We get to the bus stop ten minutes early. I let the dog pee and sit on the cement block by the flagpole. There are other people around. The bus comes. I pull my phone out and the app actually turns on without loading for 4 minutes. I board the bus.

My phone is at 24%. I turn on music because I’m anxious. My phone dies but I leave my headphones in. I get off at the right stop. I decide to begin chronicling my bad days and my bad thoughts on a public social media platform. I don’t care if anyone read it or if anyone follows me.

[yeonchi]

The case for vaccines and the shadow rule of the minority

Currently, Melbourne is in the midst of a sixth coronavirus lockdown, which was announced at the start of August, less than two weeks after the fifth lockdown at the end of July and originally scheduled for 7 days only to be extended twice (potential extension notwithstanding) with a curfew slapped on the top of it. How’s that “7 days to stop the spread” working for you guys, huh? Look, to be honest, I’m getting sick of these lockdowns and I’m sure many other people are, but lately, people and governments are touting vaccines as a panacea to end lockdowns, much to the point that they are teetering on forcing people to get vaccinated. Personally, I don’t think this approach is as good as other people might see it and I’ll explain why through my understanding.

Development of the coronavirus vaccines have been expedited due to the situation of this pandemic, with the first (mainstream) vaccine, namely the Pfizer vaccine, being approved by the UK, the US and Switzerland in December 2020. While trials have been conducted on such vaccines, they essentially had to be rushed through in a year. Never mind the fact that we have to get two doses instead of one to be “fully” vaccinated, I’m hearing that the efficacy of the existing vaccines are under question, particularly due to variant strains such as the Delta strain (that mutated in India because fuck political correctness) and that we potentially may have to get booster shots (like the flu, get it?) if the virus were to mutate even more. Combined with the potential side effects of these vaccines, I don’t necessarily feel ready to get one at this point in time. Keep in mind that the vaccines were created to deal with a virus that originated in China.

The absurdity of vaccine passports and mandates

There are four stages in Australia’s national reopening strategy and the second stage is expected to be triggered when double vaccination (2 doses) rates reach 70%. Last year, during the second wave, the strategy was to “flatten the curve” and achieve zero daily cases, but this year, it is beginning to prove impossible with the Delta strain. As daily case numbers continue to rise, Victoria and New South Wales have decided to abandon that goal and instead focus on buying time so they can get more people vaccinated. New South Wales has drafted a roadmap out of lockdown that involves more freedoms for those who are double vaccinated, while Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews has stated that they are going to “lock out people who are not vaccinated and can be” and are trialling some new rules in regional Victoria. In both states, the enforcement of these new rules will depend on the use of a vaccine passport.

In my opinion, vaccine passports are not a good idea, particularly in some settings due to practicality reasons. If vaccine passports have to be implemented, then they should mostly be implemented in settings where you have to buy tickets, such as sporting events, indoor/outdoor entertainment events/venues and long-distance transportation (airports and train stations etc). In other settings, vaccine passports aren’t so practical; in hospitality settings, if only vaccinated people can eat inside while unvaccinated people can only buy takeaway and wait outside, there is a risk that one could infect the other. Same in shopping centres - the NSW roadmap states that unvaccinated people can only access essential services, so if other stores are only open to the vaccinated, then the two groups could still come into contact. And what about outside gatherings? I think you get where I’m going here.

Prime Minister Scott Morrison has stated that any business has every right to deny entry or service to those who are unvaccinated, with bootlicking NPCs around the world seemingly parroting this point as well. Australia’s anti-discrimination laws make it illegal to discriminate against someone based on race, age, gender or disability (health status?), so why are they suddenly creating another discrimination category and justifying it for the sake of public health because there just so happened to not be any laws preventing it? Well you know what? Fuck this noise. Businesses don’t deserve to exercise that right if they aren’t prepared to serve unvaccinated people (with the necessary precautions lol). In a world where businesses, corporations and governments don’t listen to the people they serve or are meant to represent, it’s only natural that people justifiably become “entitled”.

A similar principle applies to businesses mandating that their employees be vaccinated before they can work (the NSW roadmap states that only vaccinated people will be able to work in hospitality or retail). I largely disagree with this; instead, governments should be easing up on coercive tactics like vaccine mandates and passports and instead continue encouraging people to get vaccinated on their own free will, particularly with people who work in industries requiring them to come in contact with other people (including tourism and healthcare) as they are responsible for their lives as well as their own.

There is one big thing that is missing from all of this; how long can we expect these restrictions and vaccine mandates to continue? At what point can we say that vaccine passports aren’t needed anymore because everyone has been vaccinated or we actually managed to flatten the curve somehow? Let’s not forget that the vaccines are in high demand, with long lines at major vaccination hubs, and that getting vaccinated won’t stop you from getting or spreading the virus (aside from lessening the symptoms if you were to catch it, but your mileage may vary). And what about those who are just waiting to get their vaccination (first or second)? People can say that this isn’t about control, but for public health, but I just think the government is using public health as a justification to exercise more controls on people, which to some, is just a milder way of saying that this isn’t about health, but power and control.

Holy shit, when I write sadposts on the Waifu Network I didn’t expect them to become more relevant as time went on. “Our civil liberties are curbed in times of crisis.” “We are never truly free.” “The current political climate is enabling people to become pettier and pettier and it doesn’t seem like anyone is willing to take a stand against it.” “It’s so ironic when the right people support the wrong things and the wrong people support the right things.” “Some people and businesses unironically exercise rights they don’t deserve to have.” The cope is real, ladies and gentlemen. But hey, I should have expected this when my ramblings and musings are based on politics and current affairs.

Vaccine supremacy and the dictatorship of the minority

What is probably the funniest and most ironic thing about this is that the topic of vaccine mandates is causing yet another divide in society and leading to a dictatorship of the minority. To give you an example, we have to go back to April 2021 Hong Kong, a place where the government’s laws have been oppressing people before vaccine mandates were a thing. The government decided to relax restrictions under a “vaccine bubble” program for restaurants that would see them split into four tiers based on whether the staff and/or customers are vaccinated and using the LeaveHomeSafe app, which has raised concerns with Hongkongers given recent events. The four tiers are as follows:

Tier A restaurants, who do not require their staff and customers to be vaccinated, can only have two people per table at 50% capacity and they can serve dine-in customers up to 6 PM, with a maximum of 20 people for banquets.

Tier B restaurants, who do not require their staff and customers to be vaccinated, but are following contact tracing guidelines by using LeaveHomeSafe or having customers leave their details on paper, can have 4 people per table at 50% capacity and they can serve dine-in customers up to 10 PM provided that staff get tested every 14 days (changed to 7 days from August 2021) or vaccinated.

This is where it starts to get crazy. Tier A and Tier B were in place before the “vaccine bubble” program, with the next two tiers being introduced as a part of it.

Tier C restaurants, who require their staff to have had their first vaccine dose, can have six people per table at 50% capacity (later changed to 75% capacity) and they can serve dine-in customers up to 12 AM. However, customers must check in with LeaveHomeSafe and restaurants must have a defined “clean zone” (like a fucking hospital, I assume the rest of the restaurant is just the “dirty zone” then?) for dine-in customers and vaccinated staff.

Tier D restaurants, who require their staff to have had 14 days pass after their second vaccine dose and their customers to have had their first vaccine dose, can have 8 people per table at 75% capacity (later changed to 12 people at full capacity as long as at least two-thirds of the table, so 8 people, have had their first vaccine dose) and they can serve dine-in customers up to 2 AM. They can also serve a maximum of 100 people for banquets (later changed to 180 people as long as at least two-thirds blah blah blah, so 120 people). Tier D restaurants must also have customers check in with LeaveHomeSafe and have a defined “clean zone”, same as with Tier C.

God, these rules are so complicated they make me want to kill myself. Anyway, where does the dictatorship of the minority come in?

Pro-government and pro-Beijing businesses are likely to embrace vaccines, so they are more likely to become Tier C or D restaurants. Pro-democracy businesses are more wary of vaccines (particularly Sinovac) and LeaveHomeSafe, so they are more likely to become Tier A or B restaurants (because they can get away with signing in on paper and maybe getting tested). The likewise applies for customers - pro-government customers are more likely to get vaccinated while pro-democracy customers are more likely to hold out on doing so.

Unvaccinated customers can only go to Tier A or B restaurants while vaccinated customers can also go to Tier C or D restaurants. When there is a significant proportion of unvaccinated customers, it is more than likely that there will be at least one “stubborn anti-vaxxer” in a group of (mostly) vaccinated customers, meaning that all the vaccinated customers have to eat at Tier A or B restaurants because of that guy.

Eventually, what ends up happening is that Tier C or D restaurants will find themselves unable to serve a diverse base of customers (not that they could already keep milking pro-government boomers who probably only give a fuck about the rules being enforced because they hate pro-democracy millennials and the rules don’t affect them, note that zoomers in Hong Kong are more than likely to be pro-Beijing) and as a result, struggling to choose between serving the unvaccinated or having a few more people on their tables and serving dine-in customers for a few hours longer. In the end, they have to pander to the unvaccinated and become a Tier A or B restaurant. It’s kind of like having to pander to Jews and Muslims because they can only eat Kosher or halal food or people with allergies (not that they could do their own thing already).

There are a couple of people I would like to credit for this section. The first one I would like to thank is Janelle Leung for creating the infographics that inspired this section. She was a pro-democracy member of the Kwun Tong District Council who was jailed for four months as a result of attending the “unauthorised” 4 June commemoration event (which is usually held yearly in Hong Kong but was not approved due to coronavirus restrictions being “conveniently” extended) last year and was disqualified from the District Council as a result. Our thoughts and prayers go to her as with other pro-democracy politicians in Hong Kong (most of whom have resigned from their positions due to the passing of stricter laws). The second person I would like to thank is Nassim Nicholas Taleb who wrote the chapter that inspired the infographics, The Most Intolerant Wins: The Dictatorship of the Small Minority in his book Skin in the Game: Hidden Asymmetries in Daily Life. You can read the chapter online on Medium.

Sadly, however, recent events have lead to all this not ageing well. As the Delta variant continues to spread and more people get vaccinated, the vaccinated have gone from the minority to the majority while the opposite applies for the unvaccinated, leading to more support for vaccine mandates. This isn’t a “pandemic of the unvaccinated”, it’s a “dictatorship of the vaccinated”. At this rate, the “dictatorship of the minority” is going backwards with no recourse for the unvaccinated. Freedom with caveats is NOT true freedom. Either everyone is locked down or no one should be.

This isn’t an issue of left vs. right, liberal vs. conservative or even Labor vs. Liberal, particularly because the premiers for Victoria and New South Wales, namely Daniel Andrews or Gladys Berejiklian, are from the Labor and Liberal parties respectively. If this doesn’t convince you that the main parties in a two-party system are just as bad as each other, then I don’t know what will.

My view on the debacle

Now look, I am by no means an anti-vaxxer and you’re retarded if you assume that I am, particularly if you’ve read everything up to this point. I can foresee myself getting vaccinated eventually, whether it be of my own volition or pressure from my family or work (ironically, I don’t have enough power to decide my own destiny). However, if I can, I want to hold out until I at least know how long the vaccines will last, whether the vaccines will be effective against newer variants of the virus and whether I will end up needing to get booster shots. Heck, I feel like making this into a social experiment to see how long I can get away without getting the vaccine. If I get vaccinated, then I’ll probably look like a hypocrite for saying all this, so I would just like to reiterate that I am pro-choice and anti-vaccine mandates.

“HahA YoU’re aFRaId OF GETtiNG VaCcInaTeD LOL” If it were that simple, then there’d be no point in me writing this post. Everything I’ve said in this would be the same even if I weren’t afraid of getting vaccinated. Speaking of which, how’s things going with that needle-free vaccine I’ve heard so much about? I’m surprised they still haven’t finished studies on it, but if they have, I’m surprised it isn’t mainstream by now.

“buT yoU HAD TO get VAccIneS AT ScHoOL“ Yes, I did, but keep in mind that the coronavirus was discovered right at the start of 2020 while other vaccines have been studied for at least five years. Sure, they gave you permission slips for your parents to fill in, but it’s not like you had any choice in the matter. “They came for kids like me, but I could not speak out because I was under 18 and my parents were legally the ones who could decide my fate.” I remember that one year where I had to get three vaccines for HPV. Good times.

If you want to get vaccinated, then get vaccinated. I’m not going to stop you and you shouldn’t let anyone else stop you either. But at the very least, have some respect for those who don’t wish to get vaccinated because they are human too and they have the same rights as the rest of us, and if they work in an industry like tourism or healthcare, calmly convince them why they should take responsibility for the health of others as well as themselves instead of forcing them to do something they don’t want to. I know that’s what adult life is all about these days, but people need to remember that others have the right to choose and that not everyone sees things the same way they do. I would say that it is possible to find a balance between liberty and safety, but people need to learn to live with the virus (in a controlled manner) and they should not have to sacrifice personal liberties for the sake of public safety. It’s absolutely weird how people are happy to throw other people’s rights out the window when it comes to vaccine mandates. Anyone who supports them is just as selfish as the anti-vaxxers or anti-lockdown protesters they happily scorn.

Once again, getting vaccinated won’t stop you from getting or spreading the virus, so it is still important for everyone to wear masks and practice social distancing when going out. Masks are a better example to compare seatbelts to over vaccines, even though people are saying that they aren’t enough to keep people safe. Let’s calm the hysteria down and show respect for our fellow human beings, because while we aren’t exactly China, North Korea or Afghanistan per se, we sure are sliding down the slippery slope to dictatorship.

[corvid-knight]

Demon Eyes - chapter 5

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13740258/chapters/31715238

tw for description of a car accident, blood, and death

You don't panic the next morning.

To be fair, that may be mostly because Karkat's not cuddled up to you when you wake up. He was there all night, though, and you're pretty sure he hasn't been gone long—even though the air mattress sheds heat faster than a normal bed would, the space where he was is still warm when you roll over into it.

Which is...good. Really good. You relax and pull the sleeping bag over your head to block out the morning light, realizing as you breathe in that Karkat must smell like honeysuckle and...okay, this is the absolute worst thought, but puppies.That's a pretty big component of the scent he's left on the blanket; that smell that anybody who's spent time around dogs too young to get bathed knows, warm and neither pleasant nor unpleasant, at least not to you. And with the sweeter and almost floral scent layered on top of it, you kind of wish the result wasn't so damn faint.

"Jesus fuck, Dave, do you ever think about anything normal?" Karkat sounds somewhere between confused and exasperated, and you uncover your face just in time to have a clean shirt and a fresh pair of jeans fall on it, blinding you again. "I didn't need to know I smell like a fucking puppy, okay?"

Oh, god, he heard all of that. Kill me now. "Why the hell did you have to listen?"

"It's not my fault all your mental blocks go down when you're half asleep!"

"A gentleman would stop listening when he realized it counted as spying, asshole." You huff, yanking the sleeping bag back over your head so you can start the slightly-complicated process of getting dressed without either getting up or having skin show. It probably looks weird as fuck to anyone watching.

Sure enough, Karkat's laughing as you struggle into your shirt, little half-muffled snorts that make your heart reconsider the proper cadence of your pulse. You can't even see him right now, and you're still smiling like a lovestruck idiot.

Lovestruck. Your smile fades as you get your pants on. Love. Do I—no. Fuck, no. I can't. I can't, he'll—

"Hey." The blanket over your head is pulled back, and you blink up at Karkat, who's leaning over you with a concerned expression that's rapidly becoming very familiar. "There's no 'he.' He's gone. It's okay."

"Who—fuck." Get that damn tremor out of your voice and try again. "Who said I wasn't okay?"

It's a little bit difficult not to flinch when his hand comes down toward you—you're in such a vulnerable position, flat on your back and tangled up in blankets and the clothes you just changed out of. This is very nearly a textbook example of what to never do around a demon, around anyone or anything dangerous...

All he does is smooth your hair back from your face.

"You're still not all the way awake." When Karkat takes his hand away, you realize you were leaning into his touch. "Which means you don't have to say shit for me to know it. I think I could've told you weren't okay anyway, though—it was pretty fucking obvious."

"I—" What? What, exactly? What the fuck are you going to say to him?

He saves you from having to figure that out by shrugging and interrupting you. "There's more granola bars on the driver's seat, plus a thing of crackers. It's a shitty breakfast, but we can stop somewhere and get you more later."

"Eh, I can run on what we got."

"Like fuck you can. Eat what there is while I pack this shit up, and we're stopping to get you more food later." He crosses his arms and scowls, and you make the decision to not start another argument right now.

Instead, you grab your clothes and hop down off the tailgate, going around to sit in the driver's seat and examine what Karkat's left there for you. It's kind of funny, actually—you kind of remember hiding these. It was a good six months ago, but Bro was going through one of his periodic phases where he pretty much left you to fend for yourself and sabotaged you every way he could. Acquiring and stashing nonperishable food items was the only thing you could do about it, and you guess there were some left that you never had to eat.

Pretty fucking impressive that Karkat managed to find them when Bro couldn't, though...

"Thanks. Remember that I'm more perceptive than that asshole, though." The demon opens the door to toss the neatly-rolled-up sleeping bags and air mattress in the back seat, then slams it again and comes up to your open window, grinning at you. "Do you want me to drive, or are you good?"

"I'm good." You shove the empty wrappers in your pocket. It's a shitty reason to want to be the one to drive, but that puts me in control of something. Feels better.

"Hey, I wouldn't call that shitty."

"Look, just 'cause you can hear me thinking doesn't mean you gotta respond to it."

"No, but sometimes you think things that come across as fucking stupid, and I have to clue you in that they are fucking stupid." Karkat snorts and steps away from the window; you retrieve the keys as he walks around to the passenger side. As soon as he's in you start the truck, and he nods. "We've got two more days of driving. Or one, if you want me to pull an all-nighter, or three, if you want to take it slow. Your choice."

"It's too early to make choices, man."

Another snort, this one suspiciously close to being a laugh as he picks up the phone. "Fair enough. But I'm still going to make you choose somewhere to stop for breakfast."

"Oh, fuck you." But you grin and shove back at him when he shoves at your shoulder.

You still refuse to actually choose, just to annoy him. Karkat talks you into stopping at the second McDonald's you pass, though, and he orders for you again. This time you eat before you let yourself zone out.

Three hours later, Karkat stops playing with the radio and goes perfectly still in his seat, and you drag your attention off the road and back to him. His face is perfectly blank, giving you absolutely no clue what's going on, but you can see too-sharp teeth in his half-open mouth, and unless you're imagining shit his skin's gone whiter and his hair darker. Closer to how he looked when he killed Bro; closer to fully, obviously demon.

"Karkat, what—"

His attention snaps onto you as soon as you speak, and you can't help but flinch and look back at the road. He's so fucking intense right now that having him look at you is like catching on fire.

"Pull over," he growls. And it really is a growl; deep, rough, and terrifying in a way that cuts through the logical part of your brain to the base programming, the leftover instincts from when humans were prey animals. It's a reminder that to his kind you might as well still be prey.

"But—"

"Fucking pull over! Now, Dave, fuck, pull the fuck over!" When he slams his hand against the glove compartment, you almost drive straight into the ditch. "Stop the car, stop the fucking car, stop—"

"I am, I swear, ju—just give me—give me a sec, I swear—" Shit. You can't finish talking. Karkat stops shouting, though, unclipping his seatbelt and continuing to growl as you manage to pull over onto the shoulder.

Before you can even get the gearshift into park, he's got the door open and he's gone, dashing across the road without even bothering to check for oncoming traffic. By the time you manage to get out of the truck, he's vaulted the median barrier.

"Karkat!" The demon might not even hear you. He sure as hell doesn't turn around. Shit. You pop open the glovebox, grab the first gun your hand touches, and shove it into the back of your waistband as you follow him.

You're climbing over the median when you actually figure out where he's heading, and you very nearly faceplant on the asphalt. It's a double dose of shit you're terrified of: a cop car with lights flashing but the siren silent, pulled over on the shoulder because some poor asshole's gone off the road and flipped their car. This one's as bad as any accident you've seen, too—the whole side of the car's crumpled, and the cop's kneeling on the ground next to a person so bloodied that you can't make any judgements on their gender or age.

Oh fuck no. I'm not fucking going over there. I don't want to see it, I can't see it, I can't—

That's what you're thinking, but you're still moving towards the wrecked car instead of away. Because that's where Karkat is.

By the time you get close enough to hear what's going on, the cop's on his feet with his hand uncomfortably close to his gun. Since he's got Karkat a few feet away from him, snarling like an animal, you don't totally blame him. Karkat, what the fuck are you doing—

He looks at you and whines, red eyes so wide they seem to take up half his face again, and you get a blast of anxiety and empathetic pain from him that makes you stagger back almost into the road. There's no words in the thought you catch from him, but you get what he needs anyway.

"Sir, I'm going to need you to step back—" The cop's talking to Karkat, but his eyes flick over to you. Good. You want his attention, although depending on how fast he can move that might mean you're about to get shot.

"Nah." You reach back and pull your gun, leveling it at him. Never mind that your mind's listing all the reasons this is a fucking horrible idea. "Hands up, buddy. Take a step back."

Don't shoot him, Dave.

The fucking safety's still on, man—nobody's getting shot here. Well, unless you fuck up. Then you're probably going to get shot. "Get your gun. Slow, 'cause if you point that fucker at me you're definitely going to the hospital." Bluff. The cop still does as you tell him, though, keeping his hand on the outside of the trigger guard and his eyes locked on yours. "Check the safety and throw it across the highway."

Once he's done that, you risk looking over at Karkat. If the cop jumps you now, you can probably take him. "Karkat?"

He's crouching next to the car, yanking at the door. Even from here you can tell that it's jammed, but you're not going to bet against his ability to get it open. Metal's already bending and warping further; the tradeoff is that he's even more obviously demon than he was before. Fuck.

"Go sit by your car," you tell the cop, lowering your gun. "Hell, sit in it for all I care. Call for backup if you want, just leave us alone for a couple fucking minutes."

"There's two kids in there," he says, and you barely manage to cover up the fact that that bit of information makes you want to freeze up and not listen to anything else.

"He'll get them out." And you jerk your head at Karkat, who's just jerked the car door not just open but completely off, dropping it on the floor and leaning into the interior.

"There's an ambulance on his way, you should wait for people who know what they're doing—"

"You know what? Fuck off. Have a little fucking faith and cooperate. Or don't. I don't give a shit." And you shove the gun back into the waistband of your jeans and turn to Karkat. What the fuck are you doing, man?

Fixing shit. Be quiet, Dave, I need to concentrate. The demon's kneeling next to the first person you saw; it's a woman, you see as you get closer, a young-ish woman with the side of her face so lacerated you can't bear to look at it. Try and calm those kids down?

"I can't talk to kids, man, c'mon," you mumble. But you still step over to the two toddlers who're sitting right where Karkat set them, the smaller one bawling and the bigger one just staring at his mom.

The bigger kid—he's maybe five years old—is the one you scoop up in your arms first. He doesn't struggle as you lift him up enough to get a look at his eyes, which is good, because you don't know enough about holding kids to be sure of not dropping him if he did. There's blood running out of his nose like the tears that his younger sibling is currently covered in, but his pupils look okay, and there's no other marks on him.

Not that that means he's okay. Even if he's not hurt, the poor guy's got to be at least a little fucked in the head right now.

You settle him on your hip and gently push his head to where he isn't looking at his mom, wincing as he decides to bury his bloody face in your chest. There goes another shirt.

The cop's still standing right where you left him; you look over at him and point at the crying kid. Thankfully, he gets the point without you having to say anything.

You make sure to stay between the cop and Karkat, though. Once the former has his hands full with wailing toddler, you look down at the latter. "How bad is she?"

"Worse than you were." His voice is still a growl, and he looks more demon than ever. You're very careful to not look at how his hands are slowly stroking across the woman's bloody throat. "Not as bad as the guy in the car."

"There's another one?"

"Yeah. Leave him. You can't help him, I can't help him, he's gone." Let the humans deal with their dead. If I don't talk her blood into staying where it belongs, there'll be two corpses when they get here instead of one. He raises one hand to shove dark red curls back from his face.

The blood shows up dark against his white skin and blends seamlessly into his hair. Your stomach lurches.

I'm going to throw up. I'm going to pass out. I'll wake up and I'll be in jail, for some fucking reason, I know there's a reason they could arrest me—

Except you can't pass out, because you're still holding a five-year-old with a bloody nose, who just saw his mom almost die. Dropping him wouldn't be fair.

Closing your eyes doesn't really help, but you do it anyway. Hugging the kid closer to your chest helps a little bit, even if it gets you started thinking about how the wet patch soaking into your shirt is blood. A kid's blood.

Jesus fuck.

"I'll be done in a minute, I swear," Karkat murmurs absently, still not looking up at you.

"You keep her alive, I'll wait as long as I gotta." If you get any dizzier, you're going to have to hand the kid off to the cop.

Thank you, he says in your head, and you feel him push at your mind just a little. For a second it hurts. Then the sick sensation fades away a bit, leaving a calm that you can tell isn't natural.

Natural or not, it lets you stand there and wait and shush the kid you're holding when he does actually start to cry. You don't think about anything.

After some length of time that you can't measure at all, Karkat sits back on his heels and wipes his hands on his already-filthy shirt. You hand off the kid to the cop and offer the demon a hand up.

Surprisingly, he takes it, and lets you pull him to his feet. You have to steady him as he staggers. "Hey. You okay?"

"We need to go." That isn't a fucking answer, but the way he leans on you might as well be. "I can't pass for human right now, we need to be gone before anyone gets here..."

"Yeah. I know, man, I know." Thank god that there's not much traffic, because you're taking most of his weight as you head back toward your truck. God, how am I going to get him over the barrier?

"I'll make it over," he mumbles, and immediately stumbles over something, almost falling despite your support. You're in the middle of the road, struggling to get him on his feet again, and you can't stop thinking about what'll happen if another car comes along.

A car door slams. A second after that the cop's on Karkat's other side, taking his arm and hauling him upright.

Karkat glances up at him for a second, then just lets his head fall forward. "Make sure she gets a transfusion."

"Can do."

That's all he says, all any of you say. The cop helps you haul Karkat over the median barrier, gets him into the truck when you can't do the lifting yourself, and shuts the door. He doesn't even look at you as you get the truck started and pull out onto the road again.

You're grateful for that.

There's absolutely no chance of you being able to zone out, though. You're too fucking worried about Karkat, who isn't moving at all. He's conscious, you think; if you glance over at him you can see a sliver of dark red under his eyelids.

When you've passed a dozen or so mile markers, you take one hand off the steering wheel and lean over to touch his shoulder. "Karkat?"

"I'm here." He only sounds half-awake, though, and although he jerks his head in your direction he doesn't raise it. "...for a little bit longer. Shit kicks my fucking ass, Dave..."

Fuck. If he's dying—

"Calm down. Gonna sleep, okay?" The demon's hand moves up and finds yours, patting you gently. "Stop somewhere 'n get food. When I wake up, I'll need it."

"Food. Okay. Anything else?"

Karkat doesn't answer for a moment. When his hand slips off yours, you look back over at him and see that his eyes are all the way shut now, his head rolled to one side.

He's out.

Despite the pure fear that shivers through you at seeing him still, with blood on his face, you don't try to wake him.

Half an hour later you pull over on the side of the road and change into a shirt that doesn't have a bloodstain on it. Your clothes don't fit Karkat, you're too fucking skinny for that, so you wrestle him out of his bloody shirt and into one of Bro's. It doesn't fit either, but on the too-large side rather than the too-small. A clean corner of your shirt and half a bottle of water takes care of the blood on his face and hands.

He stays limp through all of that, even the cold water on his face. Your fear is getting worse, even though you tell yourself that it's baseless right now.

Two more hours, and you finally admit that you're not safe to be on the road. Every car that passes you, you jerk and barely catch yourself before you pull the wheel too far over. Either you stop soon, or you're going to get both yourself and Karkat killed.

You pull into the first fast food place you see—Taco Bell—and tell the person who asks for your order that you want five of everything on the dollar menu. She makes you repeat that twice, either because your voice is so fucking shaky she can't understand it, or because she can't believe you didn't misspeak.

The why doesn't matter. By the time she tells you to go ahead and pull forward, you're a shaking, almost sobbing mess.

Thankfully, an order that large takes them a couple minutes to get together. You spend that time with your forehead pressed against the steering wheel, gripping Karkat's hand tighter than you'd dare to if he was awake and taking deep, forcedly even breaths.

The phone rings while you're waiting.

You can't bring yourself to even look at it. After a while, it stops.

Almost as soon as it does, a guy with a slightly confused expression is handing you a series of food-heavy paper bags. When you hand him the money he very visibly relaxes; you guess that he wasn't a hundred percent sure this wasn't some kind of prank.

He turns to get your change, and you're out of the parking lot before he turns around again. Fuck the change, you think.

You wince when Karkat doesn't react to that at all. It's amazingly easy to get used to the intimacy of telepathy, isn't it?

It's twenty-something more miles before you hit a rest area. Further than you really wanted to drive, but there's no way you can handle checking into one of the hotels you pass. They'd call the cops on you as soon as you walked in; shaky, obviously upset teens who can't even look someone in the eyes are at the top of the fucking list of people who trip suspicion switches. You know that, and you fucking hate yourself for not being able to turn off your physical signs of stress and anxiety.

At least you manage to keep the truck on the road and in your lane. Even when the phone rings again.

You still don't answer it, although this time you rationalise that decision with the thought that it'd be outright dangerous to talk and drive right now. Plus, it'd totally get you pulled over if you had the bad luck to have a cop pass you. This is the right decision. This isn't you being a coward.

Fuck but I'm so bad at lying to myself.

There's a very badly placed trash can at the rest area, and you come pretty damn close to hitting it. Thank god that you don't. Once you get pulled off to the side, you turn the ignition off, drop the keys in the cupholder, and lean over to put a hand on Karkat's shoulder.

"Hey, man. Karkat. Hey." Come on. Wake up. You're very careful to be gentle as you shake him. Don't hurt him. Don't fucking do that. Fuck, Karkat, please..."Karkat?"

There's absolutely no response. Yeah, he moves, but only because you move him, and the way his head rolls to first one side and then the other as you shake him makes you stop doing that.

Karkat looks dead.

You lay your hand on his chest and feel it rising and falling with his breath. He isn't dead. Don't be a dumbass.

"If he was awake he'd ask me why I just called myself a dumbass." Your voice sounds weird even at the almost-nonexistent volume you're keeping it at. Okay. No more talking to myself. When he wakes up I can talk.

He might be out for a while, though. Need to get shit set up to spend the night.

Okay. That, you can handle.

There's no way you're going to be able to lift Karkat into the back of the pickup. Getting him out of the truck at all is going to be tough, really, but you'll cross that fucking bridge when you come to it. A couple minutes of hunting through the backseat turns up exactly what you need: one stupid lil' tent that you're fairly sure hasn't even been out of its bag. Thankfully, that means that the instructions on how to set it up are in there with it, because without those you'd have a much longer and more frustrating setup ahead of you.

Even with the instructions it takes you twenty minutes, and you're almost sobbing again by the time you finish. You unroll the sleeping bags, spread them out in the tent, and go back to get Karkat.

He's heavy. He's very fucking heavy, or at least it seems to you like he is. Some of the difficulty might be due to the fact that he's not exactly helping, but still. This shit makes you feel useless as fuck. But hey, at least those feelings of inadequacy have the added effect of forcing you to grit your teeth and do what you need to do.

God, my back's gonna hurt tomorrow, you think almost ruefully as you carry the demon's limp form to the tent and lay him down in the nest of blankets.

You want to lie down next to him, curl up and stop thinking so you can stop worrying. Instead, you go back to shut the truck's door—and grab the phone, since you do need to see who the fuck keeps trying to call you. In a minute. I'll do that in a minute. Once I'm down there with him.

(Again, you're shit at lying to yourself. You're not going to check the damn phone tonight, and you know it.)

Of course, the fucking thing rings again while you're trying to figure out how to settle next to Karkat, so you don't have a choice. You wrap one arm around him, grab the phone with your other hand, and swipe to answer the incoming call. "Yo."

"Dave?" Well, its not Dirk. You recognize this voice, you really do, but all your mind's coughing up right now are simple observations instead of a name: it's feminine, she's at least concerned and maybe downright worried, she knows who you are. "Are you all right? I called Jake for a reading after you didn't answer the second time; what he came up with was worrying to say the least—

Okay, you do know exactly who this is. She stood in front of Bro when she was ten years old, arms crossed and face set in stern disapproval, and said those exact words. That his methods of hunting were worrying to say the least. (And you tried not to flinch when she said it and wondered if you'd have to step in between him and her.)

"... Rose?"

"Hmm. I'm happy you remember me, since I seem to have forgotten to introduce myself." You can imagine the quick, self-deprecating smile that flashes across her face. "Apologies. To repeat my question, are you all right?"

That's a very fucking hard question. "I'm okay. I'm fine. I'm okay." You really wish you didn't sound like you were trying to convince yourself.

"Dave, Jake told me the cards he drew for you and your companion. His interpretation was lighter than mine, but we both agreed that 'death,' 'danger,' and 'distress' were present in the spread."

Explain this shit to her. Come on. Do it.

You pull Karkat half onto your lap and switch sides with the phone, running your fingers through his hair. Smoothing out the tangles is doing you more good than it is him, probably. "There. There was an accident."

"A car accident?"

"Y-yeah."

"Gods, Dave, are you all right? How bad—"

"No, fuck, not like that. We weren't—I wasn't in the accident." You're going to freeze up, thinking about it. The fucking blood.

"I don't quite understand."

You take a deep breath and look down at Karkat, focusing on how his face looks peaceful instead of how he's not moving. He's asleep, you tell yourself. You have to do the fucking talking, you're the one who has to explain to Rose. You can have a meltdown after you do that.

"Dave?"

"I'm still here, yeah. We, uh." Breathe. Tell her. Don't tell her he's a demon, but explain what happened. "The guy with me, he saw—there was a car crash. We st—we stopped, okay, he's g-got some magic, healing shit—"

"I didn't know demons had that."

Your stomach ties itself in a terrified knot, and you open and close your mouth a couple times before you manage to say anything. "He's not a demon—"

"Karkat?"

"Yeah, but he's not—"

"Dave, it's alright. He told Dirk he was. We already know that." Rose's tone is reassuring, but all you feel is sick fear.

I'm taking him to be killed. I'm leading him straight to more hunters, hunters that aren't whatever the fuck I am, and his cover's already blown.

You can't breathe.

"Dave? Dave, are you still there?"

"No." Damn your instinctive responses.

"You said Karkat had healing magic. Did he use it? Is that what's wrong? I mean, I can't imagine why that'd make you so upset—"

"He used it, and he's fu-fucking asleep, and nothing I can do wakes him up." But then again, you're a hunter, like I should be. You'd want him to die, wouldn't you?

"Ah." There's a muffled sound that you recognise as Rose covering the mic on her phone with her hand, and maybe half a minute of even more muffled speaking. Two voices, hers and someone else's. Then, "All right. Is he breathing?"

Your arm's across his chest; you don't have to move to check the answer. "Yeah."

"That's good. Has his body cooled noticeably?"

He's still warmer than you are, so... "Not that I can t-tell." Damn your fucking stutter.

"Kanaya said you'd be able to tell, if his temperature started to drop. Unless he's clammy, that's all right." She sighs, an almost staticky noise through the speaker you have pressed against your ear. "He'll wake up, Dave. He'll be hungry when he does—"

"He told me that."

"Good; I assume that means you planned accordingly. Give him a while. Healing of any kind is an enormous expenditure of energy; it can take time to recover from, even for a demon."

Goddamnit. The reminder that she knows about Karkat's nature is like a kick to the ribs. "He's not a f-fucking demon." If only the tremor in your voice didn't point out your blatant lie.

"It'd be a pity if he really wasn't; John's quite excited to meet him."

Shit. "If he hurts Karkat I'll—" What? You'll what? Kill a hunter, kill the guy who was your best friend back when Bro let you have friends? Would you do that? Could you do that?

"Dave, please." That almost-pitying note of reassurance is back in her voice, and you have to bite down on your lip to keep back a sob. You don't deserve that shit from her. "No one wants to hurt Karkat, I promise you. If I thought there was a chance Dirk or John or Jake would be a danger to him or you, I'd fly down there and intercept you before you reached them."

"He's a demon." Fuck. That's the exact opposite of the point I should be proving."They'll kill him if they know that, Rose, they—"

"That isn't how things are, Dave." Gentle. So gentle. Like she's explaining something to a little kid, and now you are definitely and inescapably crying, even if you can almost keep it quiet. "Not for us. We don't kill demons and cryptids for no reason. If he's killed someone, perhaps—"

You can't fucking help it. You close your eyes and give up on stifling the painful, full-out sobs, because he did kill someone. You know he did. You watched him. And you can't fucking lie, you know you can't lie—if any of the hunters ask, they'll know the truth more or less immediately.

I'm going to get him killed. You shake your head and tighten your grip on him. If he doesn't die here, he will later, and it'll be my fault...

"Dave, please, talk to me, tell me what's wrong—"

Oh. Yeah. Rose is still on the line, getting further into worry by the sound of it. You switch ears with the phone again, swallow back a sob, and start talking without letting yourself think about what you're saying.

(Which is, admittedly, a stupid fucking move.)

"See, he's fu-fucking dead, then, and 'm dead too 'cause I ca—I can't let him go down without a fight."

"What?"

"He did kill someone." Your voice steadies again, maybe because you've slid down so you're lying on your back with Karkat pulled half on top of you and your arm slung across his shoulders. "Saw him do it."

There's a noticeable pause before Rose responds. When she does she sounds surprisingly calm, although there's a good chance that's deceptive. "Who, and why?"

"Bro." Deep breath. Tell her. "And because I asked him to."

Silence. You can hear your pulse beating in your ears and nothing else. Before she speaks again you count fifty heartbeats, enough that you wonder if she hung up on you.

"...I can't say I'm surprised." She still sounds calm. How the hell is she doing that? "Would you like to know something, Dave?"

"I—what?"

"The first thing I intend to do when I see your Karkat—and I do plan to see him; you're going to have to stay with Dirk long enough for me to make a trip down there—the first thing I plan to say to him is thank you. That seems horrible if you look at it without context, doesn't it? This demon killed one of my blood relatives, and I'm going to thank him for it.

"It isn't horrible, though. Or if it is, it's decidedly less horrible than the man himself was. I knew him, Dave, and so did Dirk. I'm going to guess that we didn't know the worst version of him—you may have, but he tailored his behavior to seem somewhat presentable for us—but what I knew of him was bad enough that I won't grieve him, and I will thank Karkat for killing him.

"Dave, are you still there?"

You barely manage to choke out a "Yes." That's how hard you're crying.

"The moment Karkat chose to protect and care for you, he became family, demon or no. You should know that."

"I—I d-do now." You sniffle and realize that she had to hear you do it. Fuck. "R-rose? Rose."

"Yes?"

"Thank y-you."

"I just wish Dirk had thought to clarify this matter. You shouldn't have had to be afraid for Karkat."

"Not—it's not his fault."

"I suppose that's true." She sighs again, and you know she's shaking her head with a small smile. "I'll still be scolding him as soon as this call's over."

"Be nice."

"Don't worry, I won't be too harsh. Just a reminder that most people can't read minds, is all." That sentence tenses you up for just a second, but then you remind yourself that there's no way she could know about the weird shit you and Karkat have. "Would you like to talk for a while longer, or would you prefer to be alone with Karkat?"

"Uh. I can't talk, Rose, not right now, I'm sorry—"

"Dave, it's all right. I'll call sometime tomorrow. Love you."

"Love you too." You say it without hesitation this time.

A moment later the phone beeps, and she's gone.

You set the phone down out of harms way and wrap your arms around Karkat, pulling him closer. He's still limp and unresponsive—and you really hate that—but Rose said he'd be okay. She said he'd wake up.

This'll be okay.

You curl up close to him and close your eyes.

Even as worried as you are, it's easy to fall asleep this time.

[sugarplum-blossom]

IU x Ellemen Youth November 2020

Translate: by myself from chinese to english. My own ellemen magazine.. i will add photo later..

Become famous when you are young, take your time.....

In the twelve years of her debut, since the age of 15, IU has been watched enthusiastically by people through her adolescence and slowly matured. She made her debut as a singer, was exposed to performances, and tried to be a producer. She accepted and digested every result. She became more and more brave and gentle after maturity, like gardenias in the wind. In September, we completed IU exclusive interview and the first exclusive cover shooting for her in China. When IU was filmed remotely in South Korea, she was able to quickly get into work, even finishing the work 3 hours earlier than expected. The weather is good, and she has a distant and exciting future.

Qualified Idol (Li Zhien = Lee Jieun)

IU has liked listening to music since kindergarten and often followed her father to sing karaoke. But it wasn't until the first grade of middle school was fined to sing in physical education because of her mischief, that made people around her realize her singing talent, and then she was recommended by the teacher to sing at the sports meeting. After a few years, Li Zhien stood in the mature Korean entertainment At the door of the industrial system, ready to step into it. At that time, she was still a middle school student and participated in 20 selections, including the trainee selection held by JYP Entertainment, but all were rejected. In October 2007, she passed the audition of the current agency LOEN Entertainment. The trainee lasted ten months. Later, when I remembered, Li Zhien felt that that period of time was short, hardworking, and full of "uneasy feeling of nothing."

"I was able to debut earlier because I was too young. Even if I failed a few times, I still have time, so let's try."

"So when she was 15 years old, Li Zhien wore a black costume, stood on a cable music program and sang a song "Mia", and made her official debut. The coveted debut stage did not seem to go as smoothly as she had imagined. She rushed to the TV station excitedly , I saw a lot of fans supporting the boy group, but when she started singing, the people underneath began to scold her,

“After someone scolded me like this, I was scolded in all directions.”

And because she chose a lyrical quiet song, She could hear her voice clearly.

"I feel that the three minutes of singing were really long, and I totally lost the feeling of hope."

IU said in a show, "Probably because of the failure of "Mia", even if the audience hasn't reacted since then, It doesn’t matter. So, if there is a little cheering voice, I will be very excited about it.”

In December 2010, Li Zhien released the album "REAL", and the single "Good Days" from this album finally won her many honors and loves have also reversed people’s previous perceptions of her: She won the Melon Music Awards in 2011 for the best song of the year; won the Mnet Asian Music Festival Best Solo Singing Award in 2011; more and more people recognize her , I heard her singing... During the performance this winter, a fan came to give Li Zhien a support. When Zhien sang, she shouted the slogan of support. Li Zhien once again heard the voice from the audience on the stage, and it was completely different from the day of her debut. She sang "How blue the sky is, and the wind is so perfect today" almost to tears. She was not originally an ambitious singer.

"Although it is good to get the first place (in the competition), it doesn’t matter; it’s great to be the best female singer in our country, but it’s not okay."

After that, she became the first goal after being a singer: at least to become a singer who can take care of my fans.

She worked hard to play a qualified idol and gave herself the stage name IU- I for Li Zhien, and U was for the audience who listened to her songs. Participate in more activities, sing more songs, and start acting. Li Zhien often sleeps only four hours because of too many announcements, and because of this job, she has irregular sleep and insomnia. Even ten years later, she felt that she was too pleased at that time. It seemed that no matter good or bad, she would take it as long as it was an event that could show up, "survive anyway." Popularity also accumulates under such circumstances. The three high notes shown in "Good Days" are praised, the young face is cherished, and the title of "National Sister" is closely related to her.

Young Mental Crisis Until the age of 22

Li Zhien encountered a mental crisis. She is filming the TV series "My Uncle" with director Jin Yuanxi, in which she plays the role of Li Zhian. Zhi'an is a small clerk who is heavily indebted and burdened with crimes and lives with her elderly grandmother. Like the lonely and bleak character, Li Zhien herself is in a downturn. One day, Li Zhien found the director and said,

"I'm very sorry, because the TV has not been broadcast yet, I will stop shooting here (probably the best choice). I will compensate for the content I shot before, no matter what method I use."

She fell into a trap. In the doubt about herself, nothingness and fear searched her. At the same time, her physical condition deteriorated and she even needed hospitalization. This was the first time she had to suspend her trip

In the talk show "The Joy of Dialogue", her mood at the time: "In the eyes of the public, it was a very successful year for me. When "Meaning of You" was popular, the cover album of "Flower Bookmark" was released. , I have achieved good results since "Good Day".

But at that time, from the perspective of my spirit, it was the worst year. The reason is still not clear. From the debut stage, I was on the stage I’ve never been nervous before, but at that time I started to be afraid of the stage. When I was recording a show, I was also scared when I watched the camera. As long as I was watched, my face would turn red and sweat, and I couldn’t sing on the stage... All the things I experienced suddenly disappeared. Can I really do this? How did I do it before? These thoughts surfaced, I was too nervous, and even tried to take a neuroleptic after going on stage When performing. Because I started (being an artist) when I was very young, people always said *younger, good job', but the age will grow slowly, so in the future, if you think of'younger' If this part is removed, can I still get the "good job" evaluation? It's really deep.

Thought about this problem carefully. But the smoother the business, the more I feel uneasy. I feel that bubbles have been created. If all these bubbles burst at a certain moment, when I condensed all these things, I am afraid that I only have this little bit. , In that year, I was really afraid of being like that. For me, I felt "too beautiful to be packaged?" In this case, "How many crimes I will redeem in the future."

Li Zhien of that year performed very well. She covered classic songs such as "Meaning of you", which was included in the album "Flower Bookmarks". Among them, "My Old story" Reached "Perfect All-kill" within days (six real-time charts, six daily charts, ichart real-time charts, and ichart weekly charts). The single "Zhaoge Cave" was released with good results, GENIE The real-time list broke seven times in a row, and the Melon real-time list broke four times in a row. However, popularity and praise turned into pressure, making her almost impossible to move. In 2014, Li Zhien even withdrew from some programs that were originally a regular host, such as "SBS Popular Songs".

Reveal the nature me

In order to overcome these emotions, she made up her mind to make songs by herself.

"Rather than live decently and uneasy, it is better to be pitiful but peaceful."

At the age of 22, she released her first album "Chat- Shire", which she had produced herself. She became Alice, in seven songs composed of seven songs. Shuttle through a story. It’s also because she was misunderstood by others on this album, and she confronted these malice in a restrained and empathetic way:

I don’t want to make the conclusion that “this is right, this is a misunderstanding” on the interpretation of the song, I feel that my freedom is very important. If you want to protect it, you should also protect the freedom of interpretation by others. I still like this song just like before the album came out.

At the age of 24, "Palette" was born. Now, looking back after three years, IU still thinks "Palette" is precious.

"Maybe if I choose a very thankful album in a long time, I will also choose "Palette". This album makes me more like myself and makes me understand myself better. It is a way of realizing the most natural self. The album revealed without any extra decorations and hidden purchases.”

The process of creation and production is not easy, but because I can express what I want to express, I still feel happy without regretting singing,

"It’s like sitting on an amusement ride. same". singer Lee Hyori said, if you want to know IU's true age, just listen to her songs. Li Zhien has the habit of keeping a diary, sometimes in the diary.Some part of it will become lyrics. She values ​​the expression of the lyrics. If it conflicts with the melody, then change the melody. Each capital in "Palette" is like a piece of Li Zhien's body, reflecting a certain part of her.

In the title song "Palette" Li Zhien sang: Now I seem to understand myself a little bit. Compared with long hair, I like neatly cut short hair, but when I say "Good Days", it is really beautiful. Because she often suffers from insomnia, she thinks that the best care for a person is to let the other person have a good sleep time, so there is "Night Letter": I have been in the sea, written on the beach, you It seemed to disappear completely into the distance, making me miss it more and more. Although I can't tell you all the words in my diary, the phrase "I love you". I will show the fireflies of that day to your window this night, hoping it will be a good dream. And "people" has also become the theme of this album, not only the narration of personal stories, but also "surrounding the people around us, as an ordinary person can say". "We will all have a lot of labels. We are women and entertainers, not focusing on a certain aspect, but as a person, not based on my profession or my gender, but just want to tell what I think and experience as a person. ."

IU once said in an interview. In that interview, the host met Li Zhien for the second time. After six years, he said: (the first interview) I didn’t directly tell IU how I felt, but I didn’t think I knew IU at the time. Is it because I didn't sleep well, I felt a sense of liveliness that I wanted to conceal my exhaustion. So what should I say at the time, I felt a little distressed after it was over. But compared to that time, it has really changed a lot now.

The career of an entertainer means the glamour in front of people, and it also means the other side of cruelty. A few years ago, the news of the death of young Korean artists always made people sigh. In 2018, the "32nd Golden Record Awards" was held in Ilsan, Gyeonggi Province. Li Ji-eun won the award in the music department.

She said thanks, luck, and sadness. "In fact, it is still very sad now. Why is it so painful? I seem to understand some. It is not a strange emotion to me. In addition to me, there are many people who are sad for this. But we all have to run for tomorrow and live a month from now. Distressed, we must prepare a plan for a whole year in advance.

Standing on the podium, facing so many artists and fans, Li Zhien continued:

"Laugh when you are happy, cry when you are sad, these are all natural things, so I hope everyone can accept them naturally. Although professionalism is very important, as a person, we must first face ourselves, face our own hearts, and hope that there will be no more painful things because we endure it alone. It would really be nice not to happen again.

"These words are like those of her songs. They convey a clear voice of self in a gentle tone, as well as gentleness and strength. Li Zhien is still moving forward. 2017 is better than the year when "Good Days" was released. In a year that made her even more happy, her self-produced album was loved by everyone. She participated in the variety show "Hyo Lee's Homestay". During the two weeks in Jeju Island, she often wore loose sweaters, stared in a daze, or read a book with chocolate .It was quiet in front of strangers, and always took time when doing things. Lee Hyori joked that she looked gloomy. In fact, those few days were rare times for her to sleep well, relaxed and happy.

In the music part, each song is filled with her unique emotions. Rather than using music as a product, she hopes to return to the music itself.

“Although I’m not sure whether all the works have a high degree of completion, there is one thing. I can confidently say that no piece of music is compromised because of trends. In any case, fans know me better than others, so I feel that kind of sincere words in music, regardless of style (subject), everyone will Accept that this is'IU brand' music.

When she couldn't go out because of the epidemic this year, she wrote songs, deleted songs, watched scripts, and watched TV every day. If you ask Li Zhien what her ideal life is like, she will respond like this:

"Because I am in a profession where people's reactions or comments to my actions are taken for granted, I often look at other people's colors when I was young. But from the age of 25 Realizing that “I’m me” is more important than “I am in the eyes of the public”. Many fans feel that being “I’m me” is more comfortable and more attractive than they think. This makes me very moved and surprised. I think The ideal life is to have a loyal life every day. The homework of this life is "I", I just want to be loyal to this."

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