#apologies for the ramble. just needed to get that out of my system

[mayordea]

teeny tiny announcement but i am on sheezy. im very slowly making it through my backlog due to the daily posting limit, but i look forward to this place being my new portfolio-hosting ish site. plus i might use it to post sketches and oc stuff in the future once i catch up and get more used to it

(ill still be updating my artfol for similar purposes since that place will have more of my art, plus i have heard that this website has had financial troubles in the past and no sure guarantee it will be around for long)

its still in a beta-testing phase and registration is limited for now, so no pressure to join if youve never heard of it (i know it’s art posting platform 5 billion that ppl are dispersing to in light of tumblr’s newest policies). however ive been keepin my eye on this place for a while, so me joining around this odd time in tumblr history is more or less a coincidence 😅

its still a bit dry for now, but just wanted to get this out there regardless :>

[spaceratprodigy]

could i bother u for more thoughts on faith and max in a mock apple orchard 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

@gayafsatan — I would absolutely LOVE to brainstorm some fun ideas of them in a mock apple orchard!!

I've been replaying again so they've been rotating around in my mind a lot extra hard and was especially thinking about mock apple picking bc the botanical labs also has a lil orchard where you can pick mock apples up off the ground! But I'm currently in Roseway so oughhh.. ideas....

I want you now I am going to ramble a LOT so please bear with me I swearsies it'll be more fun if we get the full lore dump from my brain 😩💖💕

–

👇 ROSEWAY THOUGHTS 👇

(I AM GOING TO TALK ABT ROSEWAY THOUGHTS AS A WHOLE AND THEN EASE INTO SOME SILLY MOCK APPLE ORCHARD IDEAS AT THE END OKAY. OKAY ILY THANK YOU).

–

My thoughts are very chaotic and rambly so let me try to walk though my ideas lmao

Roseway is typically where I peg Faith's death wish arc happening, and to summarize what all that entails, it's when the mask slips and the weight of everything finally hits her in full force.

I always envision this story happening over a long period of time so a lot of time has passed since first arriving at Edgewater and the Groundbreaker.

Halcyon. Her situation. Her identity. The life Phineas threw her into abruptly and his expectations for her. Making split second moral decisions where no matter what someone is going to get hurt. Being so alien and alone, no one to understand her or believe in her predicament but having to be the mysterious competent captain regardless.

It finally gets to her. Bad. And she makes some self destructive decisions. She gets sloppy, careless, hoping someone else will end this nightmare for her. Until they almost do.

I am swiftly brushing past many details so we don't get too lost in the sauce. But Max went after her, found her collapsed and injured bad, carried her back to the ship for Ellie to do whatever she could, and then stayed by her side for as long as it took for her to wake up.

This is such a key moment for them getting closer. Because there was a lot of frustration and emotion and being forced to confront the possibility of feelings existing, but nothing they fully understand or are ready to acknowledge as such yet.

She tries to brush past the subject of what happened, deflecting everything until he raises his voice in a way he hasn't since she gave him the journal and she threatened he never talk like that to her again. And it was enough to break through her facade, for her to show just how utterly broken and vulnerable she is, and they have a proper fucking conversation about where she's at mentally. He still isn't ready for the truth about her life before. But it's a step forward.

There is a lot of patience and understanding and just. Yeah. A lot happens here. Some walls come down. There grows some room for them to become softer and closer over more time.

All of this is important because a short piece I had written a long time ago took place in this area roughly after this incident.

It was a personal outlet vent piece, I will be honest. When I wrote it it was after I had a very bad panic attack after an awful scare. And I wrote it into Faith because I just wanted to get some feelings from that experience out of my system.

The shortened version of that one is Faith recovering from a bad episode, trying to calm her breathing, waiting for her ears to stop ringing and for her vision to come back. Her legs gave out on her and she was sitting under the mock apple trees. Her voice locks up on her when she's seriously distressed. Yadda yadda yadda, Max had brought along his datapad so she could communicate anything important and she was incredibly confused because she knows he doesn't like using his datapad ever and then rendered even more speechless to know he brought it specifically for her in case something like this were to happen again. It ends with her just asking if he would keep talking to her, and they sit there under the mock apple trees for a while, in no particular rush to get anywhere.

And after this point, I think the mock apple orchards become a really peaceful, therapeutic spot for her when she just wants a moment to herself. Sits there, breathes, takes in the Roseway scenery and collects herself before jumping back into the horrors of Halcyon. Spends some time picking mock apples to take back to the ship.

I've been having a lot of ideas of her asking Max to go with her. I'm of the mind if she'd ask directly that he'd either decline, or at least pretend to be uninterested but she's the one who asked so he accepts the offer.

But I can see her being vague and just saying that she's heading out if he'd join her and she leads him to the orchards. By this point they're already often in each other's company, she indulges his interests often, letting him be the one who is finally listened to. But in general, they get along very well in conversation when it comes to a handful of similar interests and their personalities and attitudes bounce off of each other well.

(In my story anyway, since she spends an extended amount of time in Edgewater and the Vale, there was also a lot of time spent doing some early bonding with Max. So do with that info what you will. They're not likeee besties yet but they're much more than strangers by this point, ya'know? Just to get an idea of where their familiarity with each other is at and why there's enough respect and trust to some extent already existing. Not to mention how much time they had spent on the Groundbreaker).

They'd be having such a peaceful time away from the rest of the crew.

Oughhh hear me out, okay, Faith loves to bake. She doesn't even ask, she just makes Max hold her bag open while she starts collecting mock apples and after they finally head back to the ship she figures out how to make mock apple pie for the crew 😭 we already know Max doesn't care much for sweets (I wonder how sweet or tart a mock apple pie would be.. Faith girl what all Halcyon ingredients are you adding to that bad boy) but.. what if.... After everyone goes to bed...... He tries some anyway........ Because she made it..........

Most of what's bouncing around in my brain is them early on having wholesome bonding time in a spot just for the two of them. Just enjoying each other's company. Realizing they have genuine respect for each other, Faith feeling like she found a genuine friend who went to lengths further than anyone had in her entire life to make sure she survived. I am specifying Faith's feelings here intentionally. I write Max in a more complicated spot very blinded by his revenge scheme more or less unaware for a long while just how much the lines start blurring between his faith and his Faith. To put it succinctly. (Look I know I'm always drawing The Good Stuff™️ but in actuality their relationship is suchhhh a slow burn. They are not the most romantically inclined people lmao).

But also.. once she realizes she can talk to him when she needs to. I think coming back to this spot, off the ship, away from the crew, she just likes it there. She likes being there with him. She finds comfort in that spot.

OKAY BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE WOULD BE CUTE.... they should come back here.. post-scylla and post-gorgon...... Ya'know......... The first being when they establish not wanting to be apart and the second being when they want to make that partnership a permanent one......... ASKING HER IN THE MOCK APPLE ORCHARDS WOULDN'T THAT BE DARLING ough okay I need a minute my brain is going too fast to comprehend

My Roseway ideas aren't the most cleaned up I know BUT so many important bonding moments exist and oughhhh LOOSE IDEAS ARE STILL WORTH TALKING ABOUT OKAYYYYY

I just want them to go mock apple picking together and learn how to get smiles out of each other and not understand why it makes their chests hurt but they know they need to do it again

ACTUALLYYYYY post-scylla when he's much more mellowed out and they're the closest they've been I think would be so so nice. they'd be so much softer and he'd probably be so much more involved in wanting to enjoy silly lil activities with her.....

Currently imagining him reading out loud to her, all the conversations they'd have, maybe he brings his tossball cards to show her, maybe they bring one of the lil games, have a lil makeshift picnic....

Godddd the transition between just how much enthusiasm he shows spending time with her is enough to make me explode. Can you see my vision. The reluctance, to the hesitancy, to becoming absolutely inseparable.

I HAVE A LOT TO THINK ABOUT BUT I'M GETTING SLEEPY SO SENDING IT!!!!!!

Literally feel free to add on or share your own thoughts I'm begging you lmao I promise there is so much room for ideas to be fleshed out and better put together, I'm mostly just spitballing what all I think would be incredibly fun ideas to work with. Plus I'm kind of thinking across the timeline and how much their relationship would change between each visit. And how over time they would enjoy it more and more and make each visit more special than the last.

WAIT BEFORE I LOSE THE THOUGHT!! They make a stop RIGHT BEFORE HEADING TO SCYLLA TO GO TO THE HERMIT'S LODGE!! Oh that could hurt so good omgggg. Okay okay I need to stop now I NEED TO STOP.

[harleehazbinfics]

Can We? an au lucifer x reader oneshot

Author Profile a/n: SURPRISEEEEEE. i got 'we become we' -journey to jerusalem song on a loop since i found it and i knew i wasn't gonna get it out of my system unless i do something about it. so pls enjoy my ramblings lmfao word count: 1200+

"Your Majesty, please reconsider this! Our kingdom needs a Queen!"

Lucifer sighs at the aide's words, feeling irritated with the insistent suggestion of a Queen.

"I agree, your majesty. The people are quite worried for you. You need an heir, and you aren't getting any younger either," another aide jumps in.

Lucifer surrenders to them with hands in the air in exasperation and finally replies, "Fine."

The people in the room sigh in relief that they somehow got through to him. But hitch their breath when he adds on.

"However, I won't just choose anyone. Only the best candidate will stand by my side and be rightfully called the Queen," he glares.

"Good day, your majesty. My name is (full name), Princess of the Eastern Kingdom. I'm grateful for this opportunity," you smile amiably.

"Likewise," he responds quite honestly shocked from your tone.

You were the guest that was expected to arrive at the palace after receiving the invitation to be a Queen candidate. However, after word got around that you will be joining the fight for the title. All the ladies mutually agreed to resign. When he asked why, all the aide's replies were, "There is no other person worthy to be by your side other than the Princess."

Now, you stood in front of him. You were dressed beautifully, but not as extravagant as those ladies that came before him. You had a melodic tone in your voice that was pleasant to the ear. Your hands folded together gracefully. Everything about you was enchanting.

You tilt your head confused about his speechlessness. "Did I catch you in the wrong time?" you ask him.

His cheeks reddened, embarrassed that you left him dazed just from your introduction alone.

"No no," he excuses then coughs to get a grip on himself, "I apologize. I must have been tired from all the work this morning."

You give him an understanding smile and reply, "No apologies needed, your majesty. I feel honored to be here and see how hard you work. I'm sure this kingdom is grateful to have such a diligent King."

His blush intensifies from your non-stop flattery. He's heard many compliments in his life for his achievements. However, when you were the one saying those words. He can't help but believe it was all true with how genuine you sounded.

"Please, I'm quite embarrassed to hear such words from you, Princess. I've heard many tales of your acts of charity for your and other neighboring kingdoms. You've paved the way for others to follow in your example and gave a chance for the poor, homeless and orphaned," he redirected trying to calm his flaring cheeks.

He was pleasantly surprised at your reaction.

"P-Please! You've heard of that? Oh, I'm embarrassed! I hope only good thing reached your ears," you stumbled over your words when the attention turned back to you.

He laughs at you as you tried to hide behind your hair as you also flushed red. 'For someone, who gives out so many compliments. She can't even handle a couple of her own.'

'This wasn't such a bad idea,' he thought as he watched as you smile and continue talking to him.

"(Y/n), can I ask you something?" he says sitting at the edge of the bed where you sat beside while reading a book.

It had been several weeks since your marriage and it's been quite busy for the both of you as you adjusted to your married life. Lucifer finished paperwork for his projects and formal preparations for your ascension to your rights as the new Queen. Thankfully, it had finally calmed down and now you helped him with his work and even the inner management of the castle.

You have shared the room since the beginning, and you've already shared your first night as husband and wife together. Which was.. quite passionate to say the least. But, after both of you would wake up earlier or later than the other, too considerate to wake up the other from their well-earned rest. So, now that it has finally calmed down and Lucifer approached you. You couldn't help but feel nervous.

"Of course, anything," you reply putting away the book and taking his hand in yours.

He smiles and gains courage as he caresses your hand back and says, "Are you okay with this arrangement?"

You tilt your head unsure of the meaning, "About what?"

"This," he gestures to the both of you, "are you okay about our marriage?"

You huff out a laugh relieved, you thought it was a life or death situation, "Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

He shrugs and replies, "I don't know. I just thought you were having doubts about us."

You give him a meaningful look and stood up from your spot. You then tugged him to stand with you. You made him hold your waist and hand while you placed yours on his shoulder. You led him into a slow dance with a smile on your face.

"Remember, our dance together?" you asked.

"At the wedding?" he asks.

You shook your head and laughed, "We danced one together way before that. That night where we shared the stars together."

His eyes lit up, remembering that night.

"During that dance, I thought that being with you will be worthwhile. And if wherever this choice leads me. I won't regret being with you, Lucifer," you say with a deep look in your eyes.

His eyes soften as he gazed at you. You were nothing but wonderful to him, it was childish of him to assume you were having doubts. He should have trusted you and made you happy instead. You deserve nothing less than that.

"Can we become more Than half of a union we're chosen for?"

He sings as he pulls you closer to him.

"Where I am your best half And I am yours,"

You continue with a huge smile on your face as you followed his lead, gliding around the room.

"Stuck here forever And hopefully not ending in estrangement,"

You sang together faces inching towards each other with half lidded eyes.

"Can mine become yours Combining our dreams Without keeping score?"

You twirled around the room with him catching you. He opens the door and leads you out into the halls where you continued your dance.

"Always together, but never bored No choice in the matter but This will never work without each other,"

The both of you laugh like children as you chased each other down the halls.

"Can we become we? (Can we become we?) Start a new line on this family tree,"

He catches up to you and lifts you off the ground and kisses your cheek with a hearty chuckle from your deviousness.

"Two hearts connected by one beat, Your hand in mine and,"

You beam him a smile as you placed your hands on his chest feeling the rhythmic thumping of his heart from chasing you around.

"I could never choose to love another," Lucifer whispers as he pulls you into a kiss which you return with fervor.

After minutes of kissing one another, he places you down and hold your waist as places another kiss on your temple with a beaming smile. You return it and let him lead you back to your room.

"Maybe one day I can learn to love you, too," you whisper as you gave a passing gaze at the portrait of a blonde woman with her face covered with a large cloth.

Other Lucifer Fics:

@bonnie-02 @marxo5 @whaatttlaufey @froggybich @rybunnie @midorichoco @bontensbabygirl @janey @akiqvq @wonderlandangelsposts @spoiled-slutt @preciousbabypeter @roboticsuccubus83 @simbalioness @reachthestars @atlas-rin @manachpo@luc1fersducky @lovestruck-enby @azullynxx @delightedtosee @cherry-4200 @aria-tempest @lvstyangel @0strawberrysorbet0 @corvid007 @kaminarithebest @whydosnakesnotdance @psychoanalyze0 @sweetadonisbutbetter @lunalily19 @dionysusismypatrongod @skyeliteratures @sappire904

[seresinhangmanjake]

Super Soft!Simon Riley x reader - You're terrified that Simon's not making safe choices when he's on deployment, so he comforts you. (fluff, allusion to future smut (barely), drunk johnny, cod inaccuracies)

Johnny recounts the tale of their hard-earned achievement—a victory, as they have deemed it—with a number of beers in his system that you’ve long stopped counting. As he sits at your kitchen table, he is looser, giddier, freer with his words, and spares no detail of your boyfriend’s selfless acts of bravery during their last deployment. Acts that got him shot at; one of those bullets finding their home.

You’d be proud of him, if not for the fear that built up over months from recurring nightmares and an overactive imagination—all of which had you losing the love of your life. But that’s not out of character. You think about yourself, you think about your boyfriend, before you think about the lives he saves when he’s away from you. Maybe it’s wrong, or unfair, but you can’t help it.

While Simon’s work is not something he ever kept secret, you don’t need the reminder that the preservation of his life is not always his priority. It can't be. There are other factors that dictate his future. He has a team, people who depend on him. He has responsibilities and orders to follow. Control is often snatched from his fingertips. And so, what does that mean for the two of you? 

You don’t care to think about it. Not tonight. Not at midnight from a friend who should have passed out on your couch hours ago. So you stretch, yawn, and excuse yourself for bed before your brain implodes from any more of Johnny’s ramblings.

Simon knows. He spent the night squeezing your hip each time you tensed in his lap at Johnny’s words, and now, as you stand to head to the bedroom, he holds onto your hand until your fingers slip from his. Deep brown eyes are filled with guilt and apology and all you can offer in return is a slight upturn of the lips that barely qualifies as a smile.

Away from the men, you cry in your and Simon’s shared bed, waiting for him to encourage Johnny to the couch. There's a few more loud laughs, a whine when Simon cuts off his friend's alcohol supply, and then a final groan of acceptance as you hear the springs of your couch squeak under the weight of a muscled body. It’s only when the animated snores of your drunk friend reach your ears that the door to your room creaks on its hinges.

Simon’s footsteps are thumps muffled by carpeting. From your peripherals you see him shed his clothes as he moves to you. Shoes, then t-shirt, then jeans, until he's in his underwear and settling onto the mattress behind you. 

His arm slips under yours around your waist and he tugs your back to his chest, into the cocoon of warmth. 

“Do you know what I thought when I first saw you?” he asks, gruff and thick. His voice rumbles from his chest, vibrating against your spine as his breath brushes your ear. “That my life is over.

“Everything I want, everything I need—none of it matters anymore. All because of one look at a woman who was too busy with her friends to notice me,” he says. “I thought, I'm ruined now. If you leave this bar right this second, I won't be able to forget you. And if you don't leave, I can't ever let you go. I didn't know your name and you had me ready to change my whole world for you.”

You sniffle but don't bother to wipe away the tear that escapes. “That's insane, Si,” you whisper.

“It is,” he agrees, pressing a kiss just under your ear. “But it happened. I let you in and you latched on to my entire existence like this beautiful, little parasite. Just like I wanted you to. My life ended and it became our life. 

“I don't take a single step without considering you. Not here and not there. So if you think I don't try to be careful when I'm gone, you're wrong,” he tells you. “I try for you. I try for us.”

Yet, ‘trying’ means he still gets injured; he gets another circular scar to add to the healed knife slashes and the burned patch on his upper arm. ‘Trying’ is not always about picking the safer of two options, but about optimizing luck, which is rare enough as it is. And that terrifies you.

“What if you step wrong not knowing that it's wrong?” you ask. “What if you think it's right and then you're gone? You can't tell me that will never happen.”

Simon sighs. “No, I can't. But you trust me, don't you?”

Turning in his arms—your nose nearly nudging his—you place your hand on his cheek and run your thumb along his cheekbone. “Of course I do.”

“Then don't mourn me while I'm still here, love,” he breathes against your lips. “Can you do that for me?”

You nod, because you’d do anything for him. 

“Good girl.” Simon smiles lightly and slides his palm from your back down the length of your arm. He squeezes your fingers, then moves further, tucking his hand into the front of your underwear. “My girl,” he whispers and presses his lips to yours.

A/N: i dont usually write different stuff but i felt like it so i did

[winwintea]

how dreamies would react to bailing you out of jail

PAIRING ▸ dreamies x reader 

TAGS ▸ none, except jail and chenle being rude at first, and oh karen renjun

AUTHOR’S NOTE ▸ i have never been arrested, i am a lawfully abiding citizen. have a nice day. i am perfectly normal and sane.

Mark Lee

Mark has never had to deal with the legal system before, so when he receives the phone-call from you, he’s really confused. “You’re… where?” He makes you repeat yourself and how you got in the situation. “What do you mean you can… ‘bail’ yourself out? Don’t you… have to be tried, like in front of a jury?” You have to explain to Mark how bails work, and eventually he begins to understand. “Don’t worry y/n… I’ll get you out, give me a second.” You can hear him leaving his room and running out, “CHENLE ?? CHENLE !! I NEED SOME CASH.” 

Huang Renjun

Renjun is a little annoyed at first when he realizes that it’s the police station calling him and it involves you. “Well, what’d they do?” He asks, carefully, and as he listens to what the officers say, and his temper slowly starts to rise. “And you put them in jail for that?” He’s pissed off now. Not only was his day interrupted, but you got arrested for such a stupid reason. There was absolutely no reason why he needed to be involved either, so if they wanted him involved he would get involved. “You will be hearing from my lawyers…”

Lee Jeno

Jeno, like Mark, would be extremely confused on what exactly was going on. While he listened to you rant about what happened, and how you got put in jail, one thing would be on his mind: Were you a criminal now? He’s still technically trying to process everything that’s going on, nodding and expressing some “Uh-huh”s here and there to let him know you were listening, but his eyes are wide with concern. He really didn’t want you to become a criminal and agreed to buy your bail. (poor jeno)  

Lee Donghyuck

Haechan cannot remain serious for once. He immediately lets out a giant laugh as soon as he hears what happened, “Yo, can you send me the mugshot? I might make some memes with it.” Obviously you aren’t too happy with this at all, and promptly hang up the call, stating that you were going to call someone else. 5 seconds later though, Haechan calls back, apologizing profusely, “SORRY. SORRY. I’LL PAY, I’LL PAY, SORRY”

Na Jaemin

Jaemin is both disappointed in you, but still worried for your wellbeing, so obviously he agrees to come bail you out, “Are you okay? I’m coming… to pick you up, don’t be scared.” When he arrives at the cell, he immediately scolds you, which he deems as appropriate payment for him having to drive over and rescue you. However, Jaemin will absolutely defend you all the way. Once he pays the bail bondsman, he then turns his attention to the officers, “Look at that face officer! Does that look like the face of a criminal to you?” It’s not until you beg him to leave that he finally gives up arguing with them. 

Zhong Chenle

Chenle does not want to help you at all, “I don’t have time sorry.” (okay rude) But Chenle’s biggest mistake was calling you on facetime. You started crying and rambling about how your life was over, and how you were going to get sentenced to jail time, and this did the trick. “Okay. Fine FINE. I’M GOING.” He ends up paying a hefty sum to get your name cleared from the records and so there will be no trial for you! He doesn’t even ask if you did it or not. This is lowkey illegal and corrupt, but Chenle just doesn’t want to see you upset, and who are you to complain?

Park Jisung

Jisung is somehow so calm about the situation? Like, hearing that you got arrested doesn’t even phase him, “Where you at, send me the location, I’ll pick you up.” You’re shocked too, because you expected him to be in panic mode, but he just comes, does the whole bail process like it’s nothing and takes you home. When you’re in the car with him you can’t help but ask why he was so resolute about the whole situation. Jisung just gives you a nonchalant look, “It’s not the first time I’ve done this. Don’t do it again though.” 

[the-moth-archives]

☾My Personal Moon Knight System HCs☾

Type: fluff - small hurt comfort with Marcs'

Word Count: 1187

Notes: hello !! I didn't really proof read this so there might be some errors. im also not 100% familiar with Jake's character so he might be a little ooc and I apologize for that. I tried to keep this as gender neutral and body neutral as possible. I'm also going to try a new aesthetic for my Moon Knight stuff :)

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Steven

he walks around with dinosaur arms and only puts them down when someone points it out. but there was one time when you pointed it out and he tried to put his hands down but you stopped him, saying it was cute. that sealed the deal with him feeling 100% comfortable with you

sometimes he wakes you up in the middle of the night to ramble about a book he’s been reading 

“hey love, got a minute?” you jumped awake and hummed as he plopped down next to you, book in hand. as he began to ramble, you stayed awake for a little bit, silently listening until he felt your head slump on his shoulder. he still continued to whisper about what he learned as you softly snored, body weight almost complete dead-weighted onto his side. he’d just have to fill you in when you wake up.

if you get off work before him, you’d stop by the museum gift shop just to say hi to him. you can physically see his face brighten when you walk in. he trods over to you to say hello and you two walk around the gift shop, pretending that Steven is helping you find something. but in reality, you’re just chatting about your day and planning for dinner.

if he gets off before you, he also visits you,, or tries to. depending on where you work, it can become hard for him to go in and see you so he’ll sometimes text you that he’s outside for you to look out the window and see him OR go outside to be with him. sometimes he likes to come to your work right before you’re about to leave just so you can both walk together and take the bus back to your shared apartment.

he likes to sleep on top of you in some way. sometimes he likes to lay on top of you when you’re on your stomach and sometimes he likes to lay on your chest. he can either to half of his body laying on your or full body (he prefers full body but he doesn’t mind if you can’t handle it ! he wants his partner to be very comfortable) think of it as you being his personal teddy bear.

pls play with his hair. or just touch him in general. he would literally bend over backwards for you if you promise to comb your fingers through his hair or rub his face/back/literally anywhere on him. when you play with his hair, his grip on you gets tighter as he looks up at you with a love drunk expression. please just touch him, he’ll love you forever.

his love language is acts of service. when you’re not feeling good, mentally or physically, he’s always up and ready to help you. he makes soup for you, gets you flowers and puts them next to the bed, always watches over you and snuggles with you when asked. 

Marc

in the beginning, he’s very standoff-ish. he’s mostly just scared of getting hurt again or messing up and making you angry. but there’s one night where he catches himself feeling very vulnerable around you and ends up breaking down to you. you say nothing and just hold him for however long he needs you. that was his own “sealed the deal” with you

sometimes he has very bad nightmares or vivid flashbacks where he would jolt up and gasp really loudly. sometimes you’ll wake up and hold him close, shushing him back to sleep. you also gave him the ok to wake you up if he ever needs you during the night. he still feels guilty but you always wake up with a sympathetic smile and a warm embrace 

he falls asleep during movies, even if he picks them out. you’d be knees deep into a thriller movie and you’ll get spookie a by his head connecting with your shoulder. you laugh and wake him up if the movie is important to you or if it’s a movie you’ve both wanted to see for a while now. but most of the time, you let him sleep through the rest of the movie and fill him in on what he missed

in the beginning, he was firm on being the big spoon but as time when on, he’d start asking you to spoon him until it became your default position. he only ever becomes the big spoon when you ask him to or you had a bad day.

another touch starved alter, please touch him. he will cry. the first time you actually hugged him, he felt like he was going to sob violently. sometimes he does cry when you hug him or just hold onto him in some way. you’re so gentle to him, he’s never experienced this and wants to bathe in that feeling. please let him be selfish with your touch.

his love language is quality time. he’s attached at the hip with you. wherever you are, he’s also there. Steven and Marc switch off times when sitting in the shower with you. you’d be in the water while they sit outside and talk about either of their days. once you’re done, he gets in the shower and you go on about your day while you dry off and do your nightly routine. if you don’t have a nightly routine, you’ll just sit on the floor where he was previously.

Jake

VERY protective. once he gets to know you and gets used to your existence, as you do with his, he becomes very protective and watches over you like a hawk. if he sees any small bruise or cut on you, he’s gonna play 20 questions with you so be ready.

he likes when you rest your head on his chest or just lay on him period. it makes he feel strong and like he’s succeeding in keeping you safe and loved. he always, ALWAYS, wants you to feel safe with him and to be comfortable around him. he’s a guy with a rough shell and seeing how much Steven and Marc adore you, he wants to keep you there not just for himself but for the other two.

for any special event or holiday, he loves to get you flowers with a small little card, telling you how much he loves you. the cards are usually in Spanish! 

he’s love language is gift giving. anytime he’s out and about, he likes to buy small trinkets that remind him of you and gift them to you when he gets back. you have a whole collection of random keychains hanging on the wall and a small box filled with silly things he’s picked up for you.

yes he does the Gomez thing where he kisses up your arm.

he’s always gotta be touching you. hand around your waist, in your butt pocket, hand in hand, hand on your shoulder, hand resting on your thigh as he drives, etc etc. he will die if he can’t touch you. (pls just touch all of the alters, they’ll never leave you)

[goodolddumbbanana]

Ya know, this Sunrise is something different.

1.He really stands up and thinks for himself.

When Moon hurt him (not even Moon's fault) , He shut Moon inside his head and kept the light on, so Moon will never come out again. He straight up says he doesn't like Moon, and even doesn't want to recognised Moon's exists.

And even when he learns about Killcode, the first action he wants to take is to keep the light on and leave Moon to rot forever. Because in Sunrise's pov, that Moon is nothing more than a parasite, an error in Sun's system . And if he can't fix it, why bother to care. And the reason he wants to split so Moon can do whatever heck he wants and leave Sunrise alone.

To be real, that Sun has more of Moon's attitude than I ever seen. You remember how Our Moon threatened Our Sun to plug him if he can't control Eclipse? Yeah... This Sunrise's vibe is exactly like that. Because he doesn't care about how Moon's struggling, he just ignores and says: "oh well, I can't do anything so he needs to live with it. " And "it is my body, he lives inside my head so he needs to deal with it."

Sunrise is selfish, but that selfishness is so endearing I'm not even mad about it. Because Sunrise is right when he tells Francis that he cares, and he cares for himself the most. He should like that, he doesn't need or have to put up with Moon, or Moon 's attitude. If someone hurts you, cut them out of your life. And that's good.

Because we have been so used to Sun, our Sun, that we forget that not everyone is this nice and forgiving.

When Sun finds out about Moon, what did he do? He bargained Moon to split the time, for both of them to live in peace. He tried to think for Moon, and even when Moon killed people because of Killcode, he only wanted to shut Moon in because he is afraid Moon will hurt more people, and not because of the pain Moon tortured him for years. He tried his best to find solutions for them to split, for them to be closer. And with Eclipse, he tried to talk sense with Eclipse, trying to give him a chance. Even with KC, Bloodmoon... He still tried to give his hand out first, and ran away from the problems later, because Sun cares about people around him more than himself.

(that is the reason why Sun didn't tell Moon about July 16th, because it happened only with him, not to anyone else. And he thought it was him to lose control, not Moon or Eclipse or Bloodmoon. I bet if he knew someone inside his head this past, he will try to find a way to get them out too.

Because sure Sun is not as smart as Moon or Solar or Eclipse or Monty or Creator, but his sheer determination can do anything. He finds Eclipse's bunker without anyone's help, he yeeted out Eclipse v1 with some rambling spell he had no experience to do so... Even Creator said Sun could find his way out if he try hard enough.)

2. The way he deals with people bullying him.

Sunrise doesn't care. He doesn't bat an eye when Eclipse snaps at him. He doesn't feel hurt because of Eclipse's speech, because Sunrise knows nothing about Eclipse and he doesn't care as long as it's not him who gets hurt.

We can see how Sunrise interacts with different people. Puppet, Francis, Eclipse. Sure, He still easily gets bullied, but he stands his ground. He even shook his head and expressed something like 'what is his problem?' with Eclipse.

He is cold, and self perseverance.

If it is our Sun, Sun would feel hurt. He will try to find some way to undo or fix the thing he said makes people feel hurt. He will think he is the one who is wrong and try to apologize to them.

3. Attitude

This Sunrise is so optimistic. He is curious, and doesn't know about private space, and he yells a lot.

He likes running from his problem as long as he doesn't affect by it like a pro.

Our Sun... Sure he is optimistic at the start. But Sun's nature is pessimistic or realistic. He is energetic, but he never does something without permission. It feels more an act for me, the one he slowly dries out past time.

(He doesn't touch moon because he knows moon doesn't like hugging. He doesn't laugh at Eclipse in his downfall, or say anything at Nexus of how Nexus reminds him of Moon...)

There are so intriguing about how Sunrise has more care of himself than Sun, the one who is literally getting tortured since day one when his sentient wakes up.

[readercognito]

A Wicked Spell

Palladium x Reader

I was rather shocked to see two students fly into my infirmary, not walk. Fly. If students were using their Winx on campus, that meant only one thing. Someone was hurt, badly.

Staying calm, I quickly gather my portable medic kit. Holding up a hand to quiet their nervous rambling.

"We don't have time for explanations, just take me to them." I said, urgently.

If someone is seriously hurt I don't have the time to translate flustered teenager babble. They mean well of course, but first year students don't do very well under pressure.

I followed the girls to the courtyard where my blood ran cold upon seeing who the poor soul was. 

Professor Athos Palladium. He looked pale, and was moaning quietly. With a worried Faragonda kneeling beside him. 

I rushed over to his side, using one of my physical diagnosis spells. Nothing, no poison, or any lesions of the body, no deep brushing either. That wasn't good, that meant there was a problem with his magic. Which for an elf, whose magic runs through their own veins just as their blood could be deadly. "This isn't good," I mutter.  

Faragonda and I looked to the two students who were still hovering nearby. 

"Alright girls, help Ms. (L/n) get Professor Palladium to the infirmary! Time is of the essence!" Faragonda commanded.

The girls and I quickly picked Palladium up and carried him to the infirmary. The girls helped me get him on to one of the sterile white beds. A loud groan escapes him as I settle him in. Dismissing the girls back to their classes. Using my strongest magic diagnosis spell I discovered there was a large corruption on his left shoulder. While it hasn't gone too deep yet, if it goes beneath the skin and gets into his bloodstream it could reach his heart and could do one of two things. It would destroy him from the inside out, or he would be transformed into something monstrous.

Acting quickly I take off his shirt, pausing for only a second to whisper an apology that he certainly wouldn't hear. 

There was a blackish-purple, spidery, mark on his left shoulder. It was spreading visibly down his torso and up his neck. This just went from bad to worse, I'm going to need a cleansing ritual, a strong one. I won't be able to do it myself.

"Oh Palladium, what did they do to you?" I whispered, stroking his cheek wistfully. 

After a call to Faragonda, who gathered a few of the other professors and Flora. Even though she was a student she was always a fantastic healer, and her natural affinity for nature based magic would help in this specific case. The ritual was long, and hard. The corruption fought tooth and nail, but we were finally able to confine it and eliminate it from his system.

Unfortunately, due to how far the corruption got in the first place Palladium was too weak to be moved. He would have to rest in the infirmary until his magic regenerates. The professors retired to their beds, naturally the process of cleansing dark magic is exhausting, I was tired myself.

"Is there anything else I can do Ms. (L/n)?" Flora asked, in her sweet gentle way. 

"Oh no Flora, you've done more than enough! Go get some rest, I can handle everything from here sweetie." I said.

Flora floated back to her dorm, I simply smiled and shook my head.

“I swear that girl is from a whole other plane of existence…” I laughed quietly to myself.

I looked down at Palladium, he hadn’t really moved since we finished the cleansing. But the mark on his shoulder was gone, only a faint paleness was still there. He would be in a magically induced healing coma for the next three days, and probably have to remain in the infirmary for at least one week.

My face grew warm at the thought of spending that much time alone with the handsome professor. Shaking that thought out of my head quickly I moved to set up the required monitors. Settling in for a long night of caretaking.

It was only two in the morning when I was woken up by Palladium groaning. I scrambled to check the monitors, but everything was stable. Palladium seemed just as still as before. Until he shifted letting out another groan and what sounded like a whisper, but it wasn't intelligible. So I leaned closer, trying to make out if he was having a nightmare or not. Palladium spoke again after a moment with a furrowed brow.

"Ugh- (Y/n) I- no, no…" He murmured to himself.

So it was a nightmare… And it had something to do with me. I leaned back again, and without thinking much about it. I started to stroke his cheek, tenderly. His brow softened and his frown settled into a gentle smile. A smile I had grown to adore from afar. Then he spoke again this time a little louder and more distinct.

"I think I love you (Y/n)…" 

I halted in my movements, my very thoughts stuttered.

"What?" I ended up whispering to myself. So in a state of shock I was completely numb to Palladium turning to his other side with a contented sigh.

I shook it off sure I was only dreaming, or at least that his whispered confession meant nothing. So I resumed my night watch.

It had been  a week since then. Palladium is wide awake and is finally able to feed himself without aid. He also has grown more talkative, making small talk with me during check ups and food deliveries. Though one morning during his breakfast he asked me something I hoped he wouldn't.

"(Y/n)?" He said. 

I turned to him from the monitor I was checking over.

"Yes, Athos?" I replied. We had long since been on a first name basis. He had requested my first name and to use his fairly recently after he woke up.

"Did I say anything while I was asleep?" He asked, fingering the bed sheet nervously.

I froze for a moment thinking back to that first night…

"A-ah, umm… well. You said that- you said you loved me at one point." I said trying to sound casual, and failing miserably.

Athos went red, stuttering out a simple "o-oh, well… Oh d-dear." 

I scrambled to retrieve the ease that had fled the room.

"Well I'm sure it didn't mean anything. You were deep in a medical coma and fresh off of a dark magic infection! I wasn't bothered by it." I said, lying through my teeth.

Athos didn't brush it off and resume our jovial atmosphere like I thought he would. Instead he looked me directly in the eye. While still a little flushed, he looked more serious than I had seen him in quite some time. 

"But what if it was- it is true?" He said

"What?" I asked, my voice barely audible.

"I do love you (Y/n), I'm not quite sure when it happened. But I have been in love with you for quite some time…" He said, looking me directly in the eye.

His sudden confidence seemed to waiver then, and he turned down the bed. Staring intently at the light blue sheets, though if his ears were anything to go by he was hiding a furious blush. One which I’m sure I was mirroring to some extent, judging by the heat of my own cheeks. Then I decided to do something, something I wasn’t very sure of.

I sat down on the chair by his bed, gently taking his burning face in my hands. Turning him towards me I leaned forward and kissed him. 

I felt him stiffen with a bit of shock and a mix of nervousness, then I got a soft but stalwart response.

It was wonderful, honestly I think it was the best kiss of my entire life. His lips were soft, and gentle, sparking a rush of adoration down my spine. I could feel myself smile into the kiss, his hand moved to my cheek. The tender brush sending fireworks across my skin, both taste and smell wrapped around me. Orange with a hint of mint, when we broke apart it was like he had taken a piece with him. So I chased him to get it back, but to my surprise he got to me first. It was fireworks, and gentle caresses all over again. Then we broke away for the final time, panting a bit to get our lungs filled again. I couldn’t help but laugh, I was so incandescently happy.

“So if you didn’t catch my meaning, I love you too Athos..” I giggled with a sigh.

He let out a mirthful chuckle of his own. Then his eyes with a deep affection, and softness touched his forehead to mine and said.

“I’m sure now, more than ever…”

[didyoulookforme]

hi queen...... post! matty fucking himself alone queen......... i'm so normal can you tell CAN YOU TELL oh dear god i need him so bad

thank you for keeping me (in)sane, lena. i missed you <3

sooooo.... on to matty fucking himself because these are totally normal thoughts to have. yes. following off this.

apologies for any grammar & spelling errors in my nonsensical rambles.

it happens on a week when you're away visiting your family. you and matty have been together for a while now, so he has keys to your place to come and go as he pleases because he still lives with roomie hann and, while he loves him dearly, he'd much rather be at your space.

one day after a sweaty work shift, he comes over because even though it's only been about 48 hours of you being gone, he does miss you. he also just needs to shower asap and your place happens to be closer to his. once the water grows cold and he finally makes it out of the bathroom, he goes in your walk-in closet to look for some clothes and as he is doing so, he bumps into the box he now knows all too well. it's black, scuffed, covered with various band stickers and a taped photo of matty sticking his tongue out because, of course, he had to put it there so you would think of him whenever you used any of the sex toys kept inside.

he doesn't really ponder much before opening it to gaze at the collection of items you've acquired. never would he have guessed that you'd be so into sex toys from the first time he met you. you radiated nothing but sweetness and softness which he immediately adored. thus it was a much welcome shock to his system (and dick, let’s be honest) when he first got to use that pale blue vibrator to get you off. he’d be lying if he said he didn’t pleasure himself to the memories of watching you cum all over his leg that afternoon.

it’s no surprise that is the same toy which catches his eye and grabs before making his way over to your bed, not really caring that he left a damp towel on your closet floor and didn’t end up finding himself any clothes.

while matty is a sex fiend, experimenting with toys on himself was never something that he really considered. yes, he’d used them to pleasure others, including yourself, but it wasn’t until one night with you that he realized how fucking good it feels. that’s the time when you placed a vibrator under the head of his dick and he pretty much came right away, not being able to control himself from the intense sensation. so this is exactly what he is doing now, lying on your side of the bed with wet, messy curls on your pillow, so he can feel you somewhat close since you’re not there to do it for him.

it doesn’t take long for his legs to start shaking, his moans growing louder even if no one can hear him. one hand holds the base of his cock while the other keeps the toy flush against that sweet spot, and not even a couple minutes later, he abruptly stops as he starts losing control over his own body, instantly feeling lightheaded at the fact that he ruined his own orgasm. a string of mumbled swears leaves his lips as he inhales deeply so he can regain a sense of composure, all before fumbling through your bedside drawer to pull out a nearly empty bottle of lube.

matty almost, almost feels guilty as he pours some of the silky liquid onto his fingers and begins to coat his hole with it. he knows how much you like doing that for him and wishes it could be your hand instead as you know exactly how to make him fall apart.

it’s not the first time he’s had his fingers in his ass, but it is the first time that he uses a vibrator, making him feel full and reach that spot that makes him delusional. to be fair, he’s always wanted to try this with you as he knows you’d enjoy the hell out of it. still, part of him wanted to try it on his own to see how it’d feel as to not disappoint you in the off chance it wasn’t his thing.

oh, but he was wrong. so, so wrong.

it feels fucking amazing.

the gentle vibrations as he pumps the toy in and out of his hole… the way it makes his dick twitch and leak against his stomach… how it makes his body tremble from head to toe…

but what pushes him to the edge is knowing that it will feel one million times better when you’re the one fucking him.

as he’s still trying to catch his breath, his phone buzzes and he can’t help but laugh after opening the text. he’s on your bed, stomach covered with cum from fucking himself, with a message from you asking “what are you up to? keeping yourself busy?”

it’s almost like you knew exactly what he was doing at that same moment in time :)

—

he does admit to you that he fucked himself, and when he does, you two literally cannot wait to go back to your place and order the perfect strap so you can rail him senseless. obviously, he still manages to find a way to be in control with a strap-on up his ass, though <3

[elizaditton]

Too Small To Be Afraid (Chapter 12)

Links:

Cover / Master Post / Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

- - - - - - - - - -

The past few days at Pacific Deskmate High School have been more or less an improvement over the first two. But despite somehow becoming friends with a perthean, I've been struggling more than ever to hide my fear.

On Secandday, Derrick dropped his Biology textbook right beside me on his desk! All I could do was stand there, adrenaline flooding through my system as I ruminated on how easily I could have been crushed. Would he have even noticed if the book landed right on top of me? Was he trying to kill me? Honestly, it wouldn't be hard at all for him to drop a book like that on me and make my death look like an accident...

On Sirdday, he poked me in the middle of Algebra to ask if I had written down a certain formula before the teacher cleared the whiteboard. I'm not sure whether or not he was trying to be gentle, but the force of that unexpected poke was enough to send me into a spiral about how he could easily pin me down with nothing more than a single finger if he wanted to.

And on Forsday, after our English lesson on Greek and Latin root words, I was glad to watch him happily ramble away on the subject. It was only when he lifted me up off the desk that I guess he somehow managed to forget he was dealing with a human! He snatched me up so fast, so effortlessly, as if I didn't even weigh a thing! I thought for sure I would be flung across the room! He apologized, so I know he could tell I was scared, and that's not good.

If I were to slip up and reveal to Derrick that I have a fear, it'd ruin our friendship for sure! We'd be worse off than we were at square one! I need to make sure I'm doing whatever it takes to keep this fear hidden from him. I've never let a perthean find out about my fear before, and I don't plan on letting one find out now! Who knows how Derrick would react after finding out about my fear?

Ever since Derrick and I became friends, I've felt guilty for having this fear. I don't want him to think I see him as some kind of monster! But standing here on the balcony, watching him approach me, all I can think about is how much I want to get out of here before it's too late!

I tighten my grip on the balcony railing until my knuckles turn white to keep myself from running away, but that doesn't stop my legs from restlessly fidgeting beneath me. My heart pulsates as I'm covered by Derrick's shadow, and my lungs gasp for more air than I can take in with each shallow, shuddering breath. I need to get away from him!

"Hey, Kaylin!" Derrick says, smiling down at me.

My heart skips a beat as I stare into his big blue eyes, nothing short of terrified at the sight of my perthean friend. I try in vain to back up, my grip on the railing stopping me. I know I can't just run away— that would reveal that I'm afraid. As slowly and as steadily as I can, I take a deep breath and hold the cold surface air in for a moment before setting it free.

"Hi, D-Derrick!" I say, kicking myself for stuttering.

"How are you this morning?" Derrick asks, holding out his index finger for me.

I know I can do this, I've done it before. I release my hands from the balcony railing and carefully wrap my arms around Derrick's finger. It twitches in response to my touch, catching me by surprise. It still blows my mind how something as minute as a twitch to a perthean can translate into a harsh jolt for a human like me!

"I'm good!" I manage to squeak as Derrick lifts me from the balcony. "And you?"

"I'm doing well," he responds with a slight chuckle that I'm almost certain I can feel through his hand as he sets me down in his palm.

Once I'm settled in his hand, Derrick turns and starts heading to our first class. As we're moving along, I find myself staring at the fingers that surround me. They're a bit... close. Too close. Each long, curled digit is about the same length as I am, and about as wide as a tree trunk. A trunk of a human-scaled tree, that is— like we have in the undercity. I don't even want to consider the thought of a being with fingers that would match the width of a perthean-scaled tree! Such a being could easily hold a perthean in their hand the way my deskmate is holding me now...

I watch Derrick's fingers as they curl inward, every second inching closer and closer to where I sit in the center of his palm. My core tightens and my racing heart sinks in my chest. Does he realize what he's doing?

Without warning, each massive extremity begins to slowly wrap around me. I let out a gasp. What's he doing?! I look up at Derrick as his grip on me tightens. He's... smiling?!

My insides churn upon seeing a twisted smile plastered across my deskmate's face, and narrowed brown eyes that show no signs of mercy. My heartbeat rings in my ears as I squirm between the fingers fastened around me in a pathetic attempt to escape from Derrick's unyielding grip on me.

"W-what are you doing?!" I stammer, trembling in my deskmate's clutches.

"What I should have done the moment I first laid eyes on you," he says, letting out a loud, deranged cackle as he tightens his grip on my figure.

As I'm gasping, fighting for air, a sob rises in my throat.

"I-I thought we were friends!" I cry.

My deskmate lifts me close to his eyes. Those narrowed brown eyes... there's something off about them.

"No real perthean would be caught dead befriending a pathetic little weakling like you!"

"P-please!" I beg, tears streaming down my face as I struggle with all my might to escape this perthean's grasp. "D-Don't hurt me!"

"Huh?"

I open my eyes and look up at my deskmate. He's stopped in his tracks, raising an eyebrow at me. His big, blue eyes look to be searching mine for some kind of explanation to what must have sounded like quite a perplexing remark.

Blue...! I knew his eyes were blue!

I look at my surroundings. I'm in Derrick's open palm, and his fingers are only bended toward me slightly. I look at myself. One of my legs is curled inward, and the other is stretched out as if I tried to scoot backwards. Oh no. What happened here?

"Kaylin?" Derrick says as he lifts me closer to his face, his eyes filled with concern. "Don't what?"

"I-I—" I stutter.

I stare into Derrick's eyes, my heart sinking further in my chest with each rapid beat. I can't think of anything to say! He's bound to realize I have a fear now!

"Don't... don't forget there's an English quiz today!" I blurt out.

Really?! That's all I could think to say?!

"Oh, is that all?" Derrick says with a chuckle. "I could have sworn..."

I resist the urge to curl up into a ball with all my might as I quake in my deskmate's hand. Is he about to call me out?

"Nah, it's nothing. Nevermind," he says, continuing the walk to our first class.

That was close. Too close.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Brittney huffs and puffs down the hall with the neon pink and orange lunchbox she retrieved from her locker after gym. Even after cool-down, showering, and changing back into our regular uniforms, I'm surprised to see her still struggling to catch her breath.

"Hey," I say, coming alongside her after we reach the cafeteria. "Good running today."

"Thanks!" She laughs. "Running always takes it out of me, but knowing lunch was coming was enough to keep me going!"

We sit down together at an empty table and take out our lunch. I unwrap what I'm decently sure is a turkey and swiss sandwich and take a bite. Brittney takes out a thermos and a grilled cheese.

"Grilled cheese again?" I ask.

"I guess so. What's the note of the day?" Brittney asks.

I'd completely forgotten to check for a note from Dad. I rummage around the brown paper bag in front of me and pull out a note. This one says:

What is a geode without its crystals, an oyster without its pearl?

So it is with a person's heart.

- Zenara

"Wow," Brittney says. "I didn't think your Dad was one to quote Zenara."

"He found one of my mom's old poetry books when we were moving and has been flipping through it over the past few days," I say, setting the scrap of paper down on the table. "I'll probably be getting more notes like this."

"So..." Brittney says, folding her hands together and propping her chin on top of them. "Speaking of looking into people's hearts, how are things going with Derrick?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask, befuddled.

Brittney rolls her eyes. "You know, seeing him for how he is on the inside in spite of how he appears on the outside! Like the quote?"

"So that's what that means?" I say, looking back to the note. I've never really been one for poetry— it usually goes right over my head. I figured it was the same with Dad, and especially Brittney.

"Anyway, spill it! How are you two getting along?" Brittney asks, eyes wide with anticipation.

"You say that like we're dating or something!"

"You know what I mean, girl, now spill!"

"Well," I sigh, "things are going... well, they're going."

Brittney pouts. "Come on, you know I want more than that!"

"Okay, fine, fine!" I say, waving my hands. I stare at my sandwich in contemplation. "Ever since we became friends... I've felt guilty for having a fear. And not only that, it's been getting harder to hide it!"

"Go on," Brittney says, her brows turning upward.

"I guess it's only a matter of time before Derrick finds out about my fear. And after that, I'm not so sure he'll want to stay friends with me."

"Why not?" Brittney asks.

"I mean— who would want to be friends with someone who only thinks of them as some kind of monster that's out to get them?" I rest my cheek on my hand in defeat. "Maybe I should just tell him I have a fear and get it over with. That way, at least I'll know how he feels, and if he doesn't want to be friends anymore then it'll hurt less now than it would if he found out later on."

"I-I wouldn't do that!" Brittney blurts out.

"What?"

"I-I mean, normally I'd tell you to be honest, but Derrick..." Brittney trails off, looking down into her soup.

What's she going on about?

"Brittney, what about Derrick?" I ask.

Brittney shakes her head. "Nothing. It's nothing. What I mean to say is... I don't think telling him outright that you have a fear would be the best idea."

"Why not?"

"Well, some pertheans don't really know how to act around humans who are afraid of them. For some, it might get to them."

My insides twist. "Are you saying Derrick is like that? Would he really be hurt to find out about my fear?"

"Well..." Brittney says, averting her gaze. "All I'm saying is I wouldn't tell him if I were you. Derrick is... sensitive."

I know Brittney's known Derrick much longer than I have. If she says I shouldn't tell him about my fear, I'm inclined to trust her judgment. I just can't help but wonder... what isn't she saying?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"So, what are you up to this weekend?" Brittney asks as we approach the spot on the balcony where we've been meeting up with the boys.

"I don't know, I might try my hand at gardening. We found one of those indoor planters when we were going through our stuff before the move."

"Ooh!" Brittney says, clapping. "Gardening! I've always wanted to try! Especially since the undercity is so void of greenery compared to above ground."

"After that, Dad and I will probably watch Stranded together," I say, wondering how much we need to catch up on before Restday night's new episode.

Brittney's eyes get wide and she grabs onto both of my arms. "Did you say... did you say Stranded?!"

"Um... yeah?" I say as I look down at the hands gripping my arms, her grip a bit too tight for my liking.

"I. Love. Stranded. It's like, my favorite show ever!" She gasps. "Do you read fanfiction?! I'm working on this one story about Jack and Merlot— I should totally send it over to you!"

"Hey guys!" my deskmate says.

Dread fills the air, and a burning anxiety creeps up my spine. My legs quake, and I nearly trip over them as I leap behind Brittney to shield myself from this perthean boy. This perthean boy... who's supposed to be my friend. I realize I shouldn't be hiding from Derrick, especially since I don't want him to find out about my fear— but no matter what I do, I can't seem to stop myself from shaking uncontrollably like a cold, wet puppy!

"Kaylin? Are you—" Derrick starts.

Brittney laughs. "If you think this is bad, you should have seen her this morning when I snuck up on her with a hug!"

What? Brittney didn't do that! I didn't even see her today until it was time for gym! I look at Brittney, and she looks back at me. She winks.

"Ha, ha... yeah," I say, slowly coming out from behind my friend. I fold my hands together in front of me, all the while trying my hardest to suppress my unrelenting trembling.

I look up at Derrick, who stares right back at me with a blank expression. He hums flatly. Does he buy it?

"Well, I'm not sure where Kevin went, but Kaylin and I should probably be getting to Biology," Derrick says. "Are you okay waiting by yourself?"

"Yeah," Brittney says. "Kevin's a slacker. I'm used to it by now. You guys go on ahead!"

A knot forms in my throat as Derrick lifts his index finger and places it in front of me. With how many times we've had to do this so far, even today alone, shouldn't I be used to this by now? I try to be discreet about wiping my sweaty hands on my skirt, and then manage to wrap my arms around Derrick's finger in spite of the sinking, spiraling feeling in my gut.

"Have fun, you two!" Brittney calls out as Derrick lifts me from the balcony.

I expect Derrick to say something in turn, but he remains silent. He places me in his palm and turns to head to our Biology class. He remains silent the whole trip there.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Our Koronian class has nearly passed us by, and Derrick has barely spoken a word to me since the incident at the balcony before Biology. I try to focus on the lesson being taught, but the history of adjectives in the Koronian language fails to occupy my brain as much as my anxiety does.

Does he know I have a fear? Is he mad at me? Does he think I see him as a monster? Does he still want to be friends with me, or is he thinking about some way to go about telling me how inconsiderate it is to have a fear of pertheans? What if he hates me? What if we end up being stuck in an even more awkward relationship than what we had when we first met? What if he doesn't want to be deskmates anymore?

My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of Derrick's notetaking. I know he loves languages, so I was sure he'd be taking as many notes about Koronian as possible during class. What I find odd, though, is that I haven't heard him write anything down until now. After a few seconds of pencil scratching, he goes silent again.

I try to take my focus off of Derrick and keep it on the teacher, but just as I tune back into the lesson, his notebook slides into my peripheral vision. Do I dare look? I pretend I don't see the notebook and shift my focus away from Derrick. After a moment, he slides the notebook closer to me. As worried as I am, I can't help but wonder what he wants to tell me. I hesitate, but take the bait and read the note presented to me.

Are you afraid of me?

Hot blood rushes to my cheeks, and my heart pounds against my ribcage. My whole frame trembles as I turn my head to the shaking hands in my lap. He knows.

I try to steady my quivering breaths. I can't let myself panic. Not now. Not in the middle of this class, not in front of all these pertheans... not in front of Derrick. We're so close to the end of the schoolday. All I have to do is sit through the rest of Koronian, get to the balcony, and go home! He'll forget all about this tomorrow, and I'll have a better chance to hide my fear then.

Derrick taps his notebook, drawing my attention back to it. Why is he so insistent? He underlines the question he wrote with his pencil. He's not going to be satisfied without an answer, is he?

I stare down at my own notebook laying atop my desk. What should I do? Should I answer? Should I try to continue ignoring him? How long can I keep this up?

As I'm lost in contemplation again, a large, warm surface presses against my back, poking me. That's it. I scrawl down a response in my notebook.

Why are you so insistent on me answering this question?

I can't keep from trembling as I push my notebook to the side of my desk. Derrick leans over in his seat. He's so close! I try to take deep breaths in and out, but my constant shuddering makes my breathing anything but smooth.

Derrick sits back in his seat. Silence. Maybe he'll finally leave me alone. Just as I begin to let my shoulders droop and my muscles relax, I hear it again: the scratching of Derrick's pencil against paper. A few seconds later, he pushes his notebook back into my view.

Why are you so insistent on not answering this question?

He just won't let it go! What should I say?! What should I do?!

Brittney said I shouldn't tell Derrick about my fear because he's 'sensitive.' But what was it she didn't tell me? What's going to happen if I'm honest with Derrick? Should I lie?

Derrick underlines the question again.

Are you afraid of me?

My heart sinks, weighing me down, and there's an aching unease deep in my inner core. Do I tell him? Can I tell him? I stare at my notebook as anxiety creeps up my back and threatens to choke me. Hands trembling and barely able to grip my pencil, I write my response and slide my notebook back into Derrick's view.

I'm sorry.

He's quick to scribble down a response.

You're sorry?

I don't think and simply let my pencil glide along my paper. I slide over my answer:

I'm sorry that I'm afraid of you.

I sit in my anxiety, nervously awaiting Derrick's inevitable reply. What will he say now? Will he call me a coward? A bigot? Would he call me... a tiny?

Silence. He must be satisfied with my answer. I just hope things aren't awkward for us after class. I rub my legs to keep them from jumping up and down under my desk, and return my focus to the teacher.

Scribbling. It's quiet at first, then harsh. There's the sound of an eraser rubbing the paper, followed by more harsh scribbling. I clench my fists as tears prick the edges of my eyes. He's really going to let me have it, isn't he? My heartbeat, oddly enough, slows down as I think through what must be in store for me. Deep down, he's no different than that man, is he? Merciless. Unforgiving. Cruel. No perthean could ever be understanding when someone thinks of them as a monster, could they?

Derrick slides his notebook back over. Blinking back tears, I brace for impact, breathing in and out, and turn to see what it is he's penned.

Let me help you.

What? What's he talking about? He's not going to let me have it? I hesitate before looking back at Derrick as apprehensively as ever. He's... smiling.

"What?" I whisper.

He points to what he wrote on the page, and looks back at me. I spin back around in my seat, my mind buzzing with questions. What does he mean? Is that even possible? Is he joking? I pull my notebook back towards myself and start writing. Once I'm finished writing, I push my notebook back into Derrick's view.

What are you talking about?

Again, he doesn't hesitate, but writes his response swiftly.

Are you free to meet behind the school after class?

An uneasiness creeps up from my gut and into my throat. I gulp. He wants to meet after school? What does this mean? Is he serious, or does he have something more sinister in mind? I stare at my hands in my lap. What should I do?

I turn around and look Derrick in the eyes. As he smiles at me, his wide blue eyes seem to smile, too. I have no idea what to say, and I can barely breathe! He looks at me with anticipation. Almost as if to ask, 'Well? What do you say?'

I nod. I have no idea what I'm supposed to expect, but at this point, what do I have left to lose? Derrick laughs softly as he continues smiling at me.

"Mr. Drake and Miss Finch!" the teacher says, raising her voice and catching Derrick and I by surprise. "Is there something the two of you would like to share with the rest of the class?"

I turn back around in my seat, my heart fluttering and my cheeks as hot as ever.

"No, m'am!" Derrick and I both exclaim.

I try to focus on the lesson again, but all that comes to mind is my deskmate. Really, what could he possibly mean by helping me? And what did I just sign up for?

[tinyowlthoughts]

"I can divide by biographies!"

My favorite episode. Donnie is such a patron, and I empathize with the librarian so much. So, a librarians view of the library episode:

-Donnie is so fucking excited to be at the library. Mood. -Inhaling that bibliosmia, which is the proper term for 'old book smell'. -He has opinions on the nonfiction area. ("Geology stinks.") -Is absolutely IN LOVE with the idea of being IN a book. -"Holy Gutenberg." I'm stealing this to use with my coworkers. -Patron is asking for something but doesn't come right out and say it, instead rambling about personal stuff instead of making it easy for both of them. -Doesn't actually ask the librarian for guidance to the information, instead strikes out on his own to find it. (aka Ignoring a resource right at his fingertips, one of the biggest reasons large, high-traffic libraries employ professional, master's degree holding librarians) -Knows what the Dewey Decimal system is and how it works. -Intuitively figured out the mystic library cataloging system, which is hella impressive. -Doesn't write down the call number of the book, thus leaving his brothers in a lurch when he gets blasted into the baby zone.

And can I just say, the book being part of a display was my absolute favorite part. The name of the display, the beautiful display shelf - peak librarianship right there. Making displays is one of my favorite things to do.

Feel so bad for the Bat Librarian (who deserves her own name for the BS she had to put up with!). Like - the wreckage, the destruction, the falling books? Do y'all have any idea how long it would take to collect, organized, catalog, and reshelve those thousands of books?!?! And then the work that would pile up since she has to focus on that? I didn't notice any other librarians in the episode, and it is a well known fact that if you're not a librarian, page, or trained volunteer, we would prefer you put the books on a cart instead of shelving them yourself because there are many nuances to both Dewey and the alphabetical order (St v Saint, etc.). Also it's a mystic library, so maybe there's no need for other librarians because if everything is running smoothly, Ms. Bat can handle it.

I'm fairly certain that if Donnie showed up to apologize, he would be put right to work assisting her in the mundane shelving task. And let's be honest, he would adore it. Raph might be granted the chance to help, since he's such a softy and would likely be genuinely apologetic for the mess now that Mayhem is out of danger. I could see him using his powers to help hold the larger stuff in place for repairs to the shelves, walls, etc., or moving large pallets of books around for Donnie to shelve.

Leo and Mikey? Straight to the kiddie room, if not outright banned from ever entering the mystic library again. (Yes, libraries ban patrons. It happens all the time - when you enter a library, you are agreeing to follow the Code of Conduct. You break it, we ban you, from a month to life.)

Such a good episode. One of my all-time faves from the series.

Honestly, if I made an OC for this world, it would probably be a library manager for a smaller branch of the Mystic Library that is more present in NYC, likely disguised as a 'used book store' that is more public library and less academic library, and more easily accessible for the Yōkai living in the human realm. Instead of hush bats there would be a big, fluffy library cat named LoC who sits on you if you're being too loud.

[starmonsterrr]

[ * Introduction post i guess??? Erm... Anyway HELLO WORLD ]

[ * With a sudden influx of people following this blog and catching me by surprise, I figured out it would be a good idea to make an intro post about myself. Fun i guess? ]

[ * Anyways, please refer to me as Io or Aurum! Either way works! ]

[ * Identity things? I guess? ]

[ * My pronouns are it/its and I identify as stargender! ]

[ * I am also non-human, though I recognize that (to my dismay) I have the body of one. (No shade to physical nonhumans of any type though!!! You creatures are awesome!!!!) ]

[ * Further elaborating, I'm otherkin (dragon), therian (silver fox), and fictionkin (well... OCkin. And it's Io! info post link here). ]

[ * I also happen to be the host of what very likely seems to be a system, though luckily for me a small one (as far as me and the one other known member, Atramentum, are aware). I seem to be always in near complete control apparently??? But Atty has gained more control unintentionally before. Not enough for either of us to call it fronting or co-fronting but. Control nonetheless over the meat machine?? Ehh, they're a guy that exists ]

[ * Hobbies!!!!! ]

[ * The main thing you'll see is drawings. Many drawings. I enjoy drawing a lot! I have been drawing ever since I have memory. I also occasionally compose music and write, but I have yet to post any of that in this blog... ]

[ * And I also animate! Because of the effort it takes, it is quite rare to see me posting animations. But I still do it! I have a YouTube channel dedicated to it, in fact. You can find some of my animations there. ]

[ * Fandoms!!!! ]

[ * My primary fandom is the UTMV and has been for three years as of 29/07/2024! As such this blog is near entirely centered on it. I may occasionally reblog stuff from other fandoms, though I don't see UTMV getting overthrown as my current main interest anytime soon. ]

[ * Miscellaneous things? (Extra info, tags, links, cool looking badge thingies I find online) ]

[ * I'm Ink's wife and girlfriend (in a non-binary way if that makes any sense) for all eternity (/srs), and I post about that fairly often I think ]

[ * I also enjoy being an astronomical level of cringe... And I refuse to apologize for it. In fact if you dare insult me for it, or for anything really, I will channel the hatred into more cringepower. Cringe culture is dead and I am mauling its corpse :3 (That is an AMAZING quote. Might put it as a blog title eventually) ]

[ * Tags I use (recalling from memory... May miss a few.) ]

#corv reblogs

#corv friend interactions

#corv gets an ask

#corv draws • (usually full drawings)

#corv doodles • (low-quality drawings usually made for silly reasons)

#corv rambles about lore

#corv's io • (posts about Io)

#corv's aurum • (posts about Aurum)

#the starry night (selfship) • (Ink x Io)

#corv doodle request • (doodle requests I draw)

#corv doodle request status • (status updates for when I open and close doodle requests)

#corv & corvpany • (silly plurality stuff)

[ * Stuff I'm working on ]

OuterRenaissance (Undertale AU, Outertale variant) (has an official blog! @outerrenaissance though I gotta actually get started using it.)

Some info on star-born monsters! I think.

[ * Links for things ]

[ * About Io (UTMV self-insert, sona number 1) ]

[ * About Aurum (UTMV meta ""self-insert""??? lives outside UTMV technically but still interacts with it, also sona number 2) (NEEDS MAJOR-ISH DESIGN UPDATE) ]

[ * About Therian!Ink ]

[ * My Youtube channel ]

[ * Cool looking badges/user boxes!!!!! ]

[ * And lastly... ]

[ * Please, do NOT interact with me if you... ]

[ * originally this was a list but ehhhh ]

[ * just pls don't harass people... And don't drag me into any kind of discourse (Yup that includes shipcourse)...... Also don't be a bigot ]

[ * AI image generators can go to the ninth circle of hell though ]

[ * I'm too tired on a daily basis to go around checking everyone's DNIs so wahhhh ]

[ * That's pretty much it! Have a nice day! ]

[harleehazbinfics]

Blue Roses | Helluva Fic

✓ author profile

Synopsis: To continue his apology tour, Blitz goes to his ex-bestfriend's place to give an apology.

Hi! Yeah, I watched the Apology Tour EP and I loved it, mostly cuz I liked the songs and how they made Blitz suffer lmao- but hey! I made a fic to live our delulu to. Hope you enjoy! (i just really needed to get this out of my system it's been bubbling in my brain the whole day)

"Heyyyyy bitch."

I roll my eyes as his annoying voice swept across my office. I give him a sigh, then dropping my pen onto the desk to look at him and ask, "What do you want, Blitz?"

"Oh nothing, nothing. Just wanted to drop by and give you these flowers. I knew how much you liked them," he answers feigning confidence as he tosses a bouquet of blue roses, "You know how much I had to pay for that shit? It's hell and you pick the blue ones as your favorite IN HELL."

My eyes widen in surprise as I looked at the roses. I could already smell delightful scent of them. They certainly are genuine but the Blitz I knew would never give these to me just because.

"Are you high?" I asked him skeptically.

He scoffs and retorts, "God! No, I'm not! Lay off my dick, will ya? I just wanted to do something nice for once and this is the shit I get."

He plops down on my couch with a groan as he buries his head down in his hands. I couldn't help but feel pity for him. I frown looking at him then at the flowers before walking slowly towards him.

I put my hand on his shoulder and give him a small smile, "Thanks, Blitz. They're lovely."

He looks back at me with empty eyes before nodding in acknowledgement while I sit beside him placing the flowers on the coffee table.

"I heard you went to Ver's party on earth," I started, I saw him tense up, "You really have balls to go to a party that's just for hating you, you know?"

"Or just really stupid," he admits making me laugh.

"No no. I think your little apology tour went well, no?" I challenged him.

"Yeah, a real eye opener. I couldn't even get a wink of sleep last night," he sighs rubbing his sore eyes. "I'm surprised you weren't there honestly. We haven't talked in years after I just bailed on you."

"Oh, please don't compare me to your petty exes. I, at least, have some class," I say striking a posing before quickly jabbing my thumb at the pile of papers behind us, "And a fuck load of paperwork from Asmo and Fizz."

He stays silent letting me ramble on, "I don't hate you, Blitz. I just knew you had other shit to deal with and so do I. As much as I loved staying as kids with you and Fizz. I, we, had to grow up eventually. After the circus burnt down, I had to work odd jobs to get back on my feet."

"Wanna know what I dreamt of then?"

"What?"

"I dreamt that I made a lot of money, made a name for myself. So that I never had to worry about you guys being sold to someone, so we could make our own circus, we could do what we wanted to do the most. So, I did. But when I got what I wanted, I saw you doing your own shit with the IMPS and Fizz being a star for Mammon, I just couldn't but feel lonely, y'know?"

"Look, I'm sorr--"

"But I'm really happy that I got to see you again and that's all that matters to me."

He looks at me teary eyed which he quickly wipes before they could fall making me laugh at his tough guy act.

I stood up from my spot and held out my hand for him, "Looks like you had a shitty week. Wanna get Fizzy and get out for some drinks at Beelz?"

Finally, a smile crept on Blitz' face and accepted my hand. "Oh, bet."

"Alright! ASMO *bang* I'M BORROWING YOUR BOYFRIEND!"

[britt-kageryuu]

Leo is streaming, lounging on the big beanbag chair again. His model is in space themed comfy clothes, with slippers, and a star covered mask.

He was playing through a rouge like game, not fully sure what he needs to do yet, but still having fun fighting off the multiple waves of enemies. It's noted that he's sticking to the sword based weapons, even if there are multiple weapons available from the beginning.

Suddenly the graphic of a cartoony slider riding a skateboard, rolls across the screen followed by "Thank You Chaotic_CinnamonRoll for the $10, 'Why did you decide to go into the medical field? You might've mentioned medical books in the past?'"

Leo let out a nostalgic sigh, "Well, that was part of why I got into medical stuff, let me tell ya. I think Dee mentioned how we didn't have legal identification for years, so if something happened with us Dad couldn't really take us to any medical facility. But he got ahold of as much supplies, and field medic training manuals, and medical guides as he could find." Leo has a smile on his face as he continues, "And while Dee is big on science, they don't like viscera, so Pops started to show me how to help. It just goes from there."

Leo spys a comment in chat, "For the person asking about Pops not using insurance, well after his sudden retirement, he didn't have insurance anymore, and he didn't know how to apply." Leo lets out another sigh, "Plus he wasn't familiar with how things worked, because he had a manager or assistant to do all that stuff for him. He was just a confused father of 4 who was trying his best while dealing with his own depression! I'm not trying to justify anything, just stating a fact."

Leo suddenly stretched himself out to grab something and rolled over onto his stomach, facing away from the camera, he's grabbed his phone to check a notification that wasn't heard over the mic, for once. What ever the message was it made his happy, because his tail was wagging a bit fast. He spends a few minutes messaging back and forth with who is assumed to be Leo's boyfriend.

He eventually remembered that he was in the middle of a stream, and sheepishly apologized for ignoring them.

"So since this game is newer than most that I've played, there aren't many guides on what I chould do yet. Sooo I gotta keep throwing things at the enemy and see what's most effective. Like that, wait was he a Croc, or and Aligator? Either way he was the first mini boss! Image how hard the other will be until we get more upgrades!" Leo says excitedly as he goes over the upgrades menu after returning to the start after dying right after the boss, from low health. "We also got this new 'Side Scroller Beatem Up' game because it and the DLC was one sale. Though that might be better played with more players, and our schedules don't always line up multiple people being on the stream. Plus I promised Dee our next game would be his choice."

Leo is half focused on going through the upgrade menus, and talking to the characters around the hub area. Thinking that the blue guy he was playing as could lighten up a bit, be more like the orange dude, but hey their Dad is missing and everything is tense. And where is the last person of the group, or do they only appear after going a certain distance in the game?

"Though I do like the look of that spikey turtle dude, reminded me of Red, though he's wearing, was it dark blue or a deep teal, either way cool dude. Hope he shows up in the hub area. Now do I want to switch to one of the other 3, or just continue as my blue guy?" Leo is rambling, if only because the analytical part of his mind is currently at war with the 'Oh Shiney! What was I doing?' part of his mind. "ALSO! What is with the odd element system that the flavor text is talking about, not the water I get that, this Utrom thing, it's kind described as tech based, but what is an Utrom? Why am I asking chat when they mostly say they've never seen this game before?... Did I forget to take my medicine, because I don't usually ramble my thoughts out loud this much."

He then pauses the game to check his phone for his medical data. "So I need to take a break again real quick. I either didn't take my medicine, or somehow took the wrong medication. So please hold while I go check. And don't any of you go looking up the game to purposefully cause spoilers. I want to figure out enough on my own first. Okay BRB!"

The screen switches over to an animated scene of the guys cartoony turtle selves are swimming about, though Mikey is jumping between Raph and Leo, and slightly submerging Leo in the process. Donnies is occasionally trying to bite Leo for bumping into him.

The chat is talking among themselves, notifications are going off, and some jokes about the medic taking the wrong medication.

------------------

Masterpost

I still don't quite understand my own writing process. Like I had only the 'why I got into the medical field' part planned, then just decided to have him ramble about the game which is 'TMNT Splintered Fate' but not quite. Then at the last minute I was like 'I should make up a reason for him being very ramble-y right now'.

If I should change this, let me know. I do like feedback.

[thegaybluejay]

Okay hi I’m back with another ramble-y ATLA character analysis since this is low key my brand on here lmao-

Today I want to talk about Zuko from the lens of someone who also had to deconstruct. This will be long, but please bear with me!

I was raised in a very white conservative evangelical Christian bubble where literally EVERYONE I knew for the majority of my childhood and teenage years thought mostly the same way. There was a lot of othering and shaming of anyone who thought too differently. Even if it was sometimes said more passively than cruelly, there was always that underlying tone. “The others/the people outside of our group/the worldly ones are lost and need our help because we’re better than them!”

While I strived to not be cruel, my beliefs were still harmful. I lost a few friends when I got to my mid-late teenage years because I didn’t yet know how to challenge what I’d been taught.

I see so much of myself in Zuko.

Zuko was surrounded by propaganda his entire life. He was steeped in it - steeped in the blood of those that the system he supported/represented had hurt and killed.

Anger is a huge part of all of this. While my anger was never quite as outward as Zuko’s (I hid it fairly well and was always known as the “pretty good kid”), I can still so heavily relate to his anger. His anger at always falling just short of being good enough or perfect enough. His later anger at himself for not understanding how fucked up the system was sooner. His anger at the people that failed and hurt him. His anger at realizing how he failed and hurt other people. All of it.

I also understand his backslides in Book 2 and early Book 3. When you begin tackling the first layers of harmful shit you’ve been taught, it can quickly become so tempting to just call it quits and go back. You almost start to romanticize the simplicity of life before you began this journey. The rules and goals were so straightforward back then, and deconstructing is messy as hell. Even if you were deeply hurting in your old life, at least you weren’t so damn confused. You used to know your next steps, but now everything is in disarray and you don’t have a direction to rebuild in yet. Going back almost feels like it would be a survival tactic, a way to have a sense of control again. Zuko definitely 100% needed to atone for what he did in Ba Sing Se because it hurt others, and while I’d like to think I would’ve made a different choice in his shoes, I also get it on some level. The confusion stage sucks, and it’s not always linear either.

But then.

One day, something just clicks. You eventually deconstruct enough that you truly come to full terms with how fucked up it all is. And you realize that you don’t belong there anymore, and the version of you that DID belong was just a facade. The blinders fully come off, they’re never going back on, and a spark lights in you that prompts you to make a big change. The deeper you go, the more urgent this deconstruction becomes in your mind because holy fuck I have to do something about this. I want this shit out of my brain for good and I want to help make things better. I want to learn who I am and finally live that out.

THAT is one of the most pivotal points in the journey, and I loved seeing it within Zuko’s arc when he comes to this realization after the war meeting in Book 3 and leaves to join the Gaang. I also loved that they didn’t trust him the first time he came to them - both he as an individual and the system that he had once supported/represented had hurt these people, and it took some real apologies and some time to build up trust. It also wasn’t done with half assed centrism either - it was “I acknowledge that this system is completely broken and wrong and I will do everything in my power to help gut it from the top-down and restore it with love”.

This leads to another pivotal point in the journey - instead of being motivated by fear like you were when you were deep in the indoctrination or by the raw anger you first felt as you initially left, you start to be motivated by love. And it’s the most freeing thing.

It was so cool to see Zuko learn that, while his anger was a helpful tool (ie: the confrontation with his father and his overall anger at the corruption he saw in his nation), he couldn’t be fueled by it any longer. He had to find another motivation to keep going, and he was then taught by the Sun Warriors and the dragons how to be motivated by light and life and love and also how to use those alongside an anger that was finally righteous.

And with this, he was ready to fight. To fight for a cause he knew to be good. To fight arm in arm with his newly acquired family. To fight to fix what his nation had done to the world and to itself. To fight for love and peace instead of division and hate and destruction.

And wow is it a beautiful journey.

TL;DR - Zuko’s story is so powerful to those who are deconstructing and I love him so much! I also just enjoy doing character analysis hehe.

(I really love talking about ATLA, so if y’all want me to analyze other characters or even plotlines through a specific lens, feel free to submit an Ask and I will happily do so!!!)

(Also, quick ending note - this is just my personal experience with deconstruction! Other people’s retelling of their own deconstructions may be different from mine, and that’s totally okay!!)

[tired-biscuit]

this is like maybe a little specific and really just me rambling

but FIRST of all im obsessed with your portrayal of kiba. he's like always been my fav but his content is so limited so its been away since my imagination flew but phew these last few days reading your blog has been a journey.

but back to the ramble ive been thinking a lot of the brother's bsf trope for him. at first i was riding naru bc bros but then i thought about sasu and the whole prideful uchiha vibe. even in the modern version, then just being like these corporate giants alongside the hyugas and the other ‘noble’ clans. and like maybe kiba isn’t really bsfs with sasu but like the whole ‘genin’ growing up around each other thing. probably all just went through the same school system.

ANYWAY rambles

i imagine like the uchiha ‘princess’, the only daughter and youngest sibling to sasu and ita. and like she’s just really grown up with that whole corpo royalty vibe, getting everything she wants, always supervised low key suppressed LIKE NOTHING NEW HERE low-key maybe even loosely in talks of being engaged to one of the ally corps like hyugas or something the point is its SCREAMING corruption for kiba. like the forbidden fruit. subtle classism, like kiba’s family isn’t what the uchihas would envision for her but like I just imagine her sneaking out with her brother to a uni party or something (like maybe sasu got to go to a public uni and she got the private treatment) and just like bumping into kiba in all his alpha buff man-ness and just like that first spark of lust just like overwhelms her like doesn’t even know whats going on but OH BOY KIbA does and he’s just like ‘yeah I got what you need bbygirl’ and yeah. Asdfsjhkgrhgo I have a lot of thoughts sorry for all the words 🐣

i don’t see kiba and sasuke being friends because kiba is too big of a hater, BUT i think that would even add more to the appeal because, like… he can act like a real proper shithead towards the people he doesn’t particularly like, so scoring sasuke’s little sister? yeah, he’d definitely try it just to get a sense of some kind of victory from it.

and i think it’d be the initial motive at first — the whole ‘haha, i fucked your sister, whatcha gonna do ‘bout it?’ — but then one thing leads to another and suddenly he’s caught… feelings. feelings that he doesn’t really know how to comprehend yet, and it’s weird because you’re like his exact opposite; so fancy and with your nose upturned whenever he winds up in your presence, pushing your whole princess agenda forward. and he knows that he should find it annoying because you’re acting just like your equally as annoying brother, but instead he’s catching himself thinking about you more and more and he’s almost finding it entertaining. pestering you is almost fun to him.

i think he’d wonder what you’d look like without the make up and the pretty skirt. what you’d look like with messy hair instead of it being in that almosy eerie state where each strand is sitting perfectly in place. he wants to see actual sweat coating your face instead of that matt powder he’s seen you reapply once or twice before because you hate the shine on your forehead. he wants to fuck you nasty and ruin that idea of you being a perfect girl in every single situation just so that he can see what you’re really like underneath.

besides that, i also imagine him initially pursuing you because he hates, hates, hates the whole idea behind noble clans, as well as the set of strict, mostly unfair rules that they’ve got going on, because of what they did to hinata. so if you’re his ticket to fuck with them a little bit, hey, why not?

you would find him appealing because he just simply does not give a shit what anybody thinks. he might get pissed off if someone insults him, sure, but he still ends up doing whatever it is that he wants in that moment and he doesn’t apologize for it. plus, his clan is more like one big family instead of a picture on the wall where everyone is smiling their most perfect grin despite the fact that their eyes still end up looking cold.

he’s warm, you know? carefree and dumb and not uptight at all. he finds joy in the little things and instead of spending money on fancy dinners, he buys things cheap because he’s saving up for a roadtrip that he’s planning to go on this summer with his shitty truck. he doesn’t mind getting his hands dirty and he loves his dog more than most people.

…and he’s also the first man who actually looks you in the eyes and tells you you’re full of shit when you start acting bratty and deserve to be called out for it. he treats you like a person instead of delicate glass.